#*cries in traumatised*

[circusk]

i care him so much guys . guys. hes blorbo bingus

[forestdivinity]

Blitz & the Full Moon Episode & autism

I am once again talking about autistic blitz and just the Full Moon episode and this is a ramble but hh stick with itt?? I have so many thoughttssss but there are Spoilers so don't read if you havent watched the episode yet!

I'm thinking of how Stolas like walks out when he thinks Blitz is rejecting him and how Blitz takes that as a rejection and blows up in return. Like if they'd both just taken a minute to breathe it wouldn't have ended in such a disaster

From what I've seen, Blitz is someone who needs time to process especially in interpersonal relationships, and he's so sensitive to rejection & blames himself as soon as it happens but will self protect by externalising and projecting those feelings onto the person who's hurt him. Not saying this is a healthy mechanism btw!

I feel like if he had time to think past his initial gut reactions he would have been able to at least talk without screaming because we see he can be emotionally vulnerable like when he talks to Fizz in Oops! but rejection and feeling unworthy hit him haaaard, (like Fizz's birthday), and he reacts with anger first to hide how upset he is He's quick to cover up but I don't think he's someone who's that great at reading social situations as he projects himself to be, even with the candle shopkeeper he struggles to describe the mood and vibe hes going for. Blitz projects himself as outwardly confident because it's easier for him to have this facade than admit when he has difficulties in certain situations. In 'Oops' he totally misses Fizz's sarcasm when he's talking about Stolas and their relationship while denying that Stolas could like him. I think this comes from both a place of self-loathing & denial but also him missing that Fizz isn't actually agreeing with him. Emotions & words relating to them dont come easy to Blitz because he's autistic but also he rarely got the kind of support and emotional teaching in childhood he needed from the people around him. Like im sure Tilla tried but we know she was ill and that Cash is a dick who uses this to exploit Blitz (such as forcing him to steal from Stolas as a child) and I think that man has the parenting ability of a teaspoon. He's manipulative and even from a young age teaches Blitz that relationships are transactional (selling Blitz in the first place) which I think was ten times more impactful and traumatising for Blitz as a child seeing how he approaches relationships as an adult and that's even not getting into his self worth issues surround Fizz and the fire and Barbie. And like with Verosika happening… I want to know how old he was when they dated, how long it lasted. She has his name tattooed on her there must have been some emotional connection, but what happened between them to lead to Blitz blowing up again. What was their relationship like. It's said (implied? I don't remember exact words) that Blitz was her bodyguard first so that's another relationship that started out transactional! I think Blitz is emotionally a very immature character and he clings to structured relationships that he can push the boundaries of. Loona is his adopted daughter. Millie and Moxxie are his employees. There's structure and expectations to those relationships and he's the one who pushes for more and tries to develop them. It freaks him out when someone turns the tables because he doesn't have the rules and scripts in his head I think?? Stolas is changing the structure of their relationship and Blitz panics and tries to retreat to what he knows works (sex) which isn't what Stolas wants and we see the aftermath of this! But if what the 'you royals always do this' line implies is true he's been thru at least something similar before and is maybe falling back into old patterns and hurts when he perceives Stolas as rejecting him & his advances (putting his hat on, disparaging the roleplay, and leaving the room). Beyond the class issue and fear of losing his business when Stolas asks for the book back permanently the first spot where things go wrong for their personal relationship is when Blitz goes 'oh this is a roleplay' and I can just see the gears turning of him like just trying to fit this new information into the established framework of their relationship. Sex is comfortable for Blitz, the transactional nature of their relationship is comfortable and scripted and easy (he says this at the start of the episode!) and when pushed out of that comfort zone he panics. We see him panic!

I think part of him probably liked that there were certain expectations and structure to the contract before even if he complained about stolas being horny and like Stolas baby, I know things changed in you but the very start of your relationship is you calling him while he's being shot to like talk about how you want his cock. I love Stolas too don't get me wrong but your whole relationship is based around sex. Blitz has said to you in the past that he feels like he's only used for sex (Ozzie's!) and that's the expectation he has of the relationship. And like we know Stolas has tried to gently reach out especially since Ozzie's but Blitz is autistic doesnt do subtlety, like we can see that in how he treats people around him. He's brash and open and doesn't know how to read a room (like the first CHERUB episode he texts the client that they fucked up because he thinks people can't get angry over texts??) IDK people go on about how Stolas is autistic and yeah I can see that but to me Blitz is the epitome of the 'bad autistic' who is too open, too rough, too liable to blow up and meltdown and react with anger and violence. (MOOD BABYGIRL)

Blitz is terrified of change unless he initiates it and even then he struggles (see him trying to confess to Fizz). And like there's just so much about him that screams autistic to me. Like his meeting with moxxie when they're in jail and moxxie is crying and blitz is like :D HI WANNA BREAK OUT! Blitz doesn't get the social code and I think he's worked so hard to come off as this blasé 'idgaf' person when in reality he doesn't know how he should act in certain situations but it's better if it seems intentional because then people just think he's an asshole instead of a freak. The like 'haha we are laughing together' instead of 'you are laughing at me' (in a bad way). Like just, the whole scene with him trying to tell Jokes in The Circus episode and it falling flat and falling back on his special interest (horse facts!) but the audience finding him just strange vs how they react to Fizz. He decides to adopt Loona but he still struggles with connecting to her and respecting her boundaries as a neglected young adult and treats her more like a younger child in a lot of ways because that's his idea of like the perfect father-daughter bond and he doesn't know how to course correct. Even in Full Moon we see how he like goes overboard in telling Moxxie how he's horny and wants to fuck Stolas and Moxxie is like TMI don't tell me that.

JUST for me Blitz is just so relatable in a lot of ways. He is a person who craves connection but struggles with how to make that meaningfully so he has dropped himself into certain molds to try and fit what people expect of him but even then he does it in the wrong way. He tries to be what he thinks Stolas wants (based on their OG deal and past interactions) by saying oh this a roleplay and its a sex thing but fucks it up because Stolas is asking for change and he doesn't know how to do that especially in a sudden and unexpected situation. And he's someone who is highly competent but struggles so severely with emotional regulation and timing and social contracts and just idk. So so many of my meltdowns ended in screaming because I neeed space and time to emotionally process when something is Happening and if I don't get that (like Stolas assuming things are over and leaving when Blitz is realising Oh This Is Something I Need to Process) my first defense mechanism is to reflect my struggle outwards in anger and Blitz is exactly the same!! And again this isn't healthy but we know Blitz isn't healthy right now (in the trailer he legit says he doesn't want to be like this forever)! And don't get me wrong I know why Stolas threw him out when he started yelling (Stolas has his own PTSD triggers from Stella) but goddd boys you need to sit down and work this out calmly with processing time!! Like sooo many people see Stolas as autistic because he's quiet and socially awkward and nerdy about the things he loves which is a valid interpretation but Blitz is just my CPTSD undiagnosed autistic who has learnt the worst coping mechanisms because he was never allowed anything else and always expects things to turn out badly. Isn't it easier if you're the one to ruin things? At least he knows what to expect!!

Ughghg I have so many more thoughts but this post is already a mile longgg so if you want to yell more about blitz just come into my asks lmaoo

(Btw I love Stolas too and this is not anti stolitz, they are gonna work this out but Blitz is just my scrunklyyy)

[forlibcrty]

if i think too long about lafayette's friendship with connor i'll start eating glass. they're nearly the same age, as the youngest players in the revolution. lafayette addresses connor at every turn as "my friend!" with enthusiasm. their optional conversations in the game centre on their shared optimistic ideals for the cause and what it could mean. lafayette is the one connor chooses to trust with his final plan, and lafayette arrives with clear concern for connor when achilles is ill — not out of worry for the cause, but care for connor himself and how he's coping. and most importantly, lafayette is the only major figure in the war that doesn't end up using connor. lafayette is one of connor's only true friends and i'll die on that hill.

[priestbit]

i really need to write about donnie's whole relationship to god and religion sometime, huh?

[damiemontclair]

Is it ridiculous to think maybe this whole hospital thing and related business has mildly traumatised me? Is it ridiculous that I want to write about it in excruciating detail, just get the experience out on paper, on my blog, somewhere? It feels dumb but I want to write fic about it. I think it'd fix me.

[frogers]

screaming crying bawling and throwing up because peter mcvries

[refridgerators]

i’ve realised my shit talk of astarion is completely undeserved and i apologise sincerely. it was made with no regard or knowledge of his past and trauma. i am sorry

[izuom]

apologies in advanced for interrupting anyone’s evening or cozy bedtime or subway ride to works but insta isn’t safe for me now 💀 wdym i’m getting online-ly mol*st*d by a fake acc?

[struggling-to-find-home]

Here's a little secret about me: despite recieving a medical education, I hate being a patient. There are a lot of reasons: medical trauma, the general assholery of the medical system, the fact that noone explains you shit, the fact that doctors mean time, and effort, and sometimes money, and every single time I feel like I shouldn't be taking their attention from patients that are more "worth it".

When I was seventeen, it took me throwing up 14 times, nearly blacking out and falling into an almost-crisis state before I agreed to be hospitalised. And, as I was lying in bed, a litre of saline solution being deposited into me asap because the dehydration was that bad and two ambulance personnel holding me down, I still tried to get up to pack my things to get to the hospital.

I spent five days there.

I don't remember much of the first two ones, constantly blacking in and out of consciousness.

This year, I had to face something even more uncomfortable than being the asap hospitalisation person - and it was... Planned medical care. A planned surgery, to be exact.

I wasn't nervous about the procedure itself - when you spent like, a year constantly talking about pre-op and post-op and assist in surgery during practicals and see people cut open and cut open some stuff by yourself, the idea of someone rummaging around inside of you with tiny knives looses the typical "oomph" it has. I mean, I was being put in a special facility that's specifically for situations like mine, with a team of surgeons who spent years honing their craft. I knew what was going to happen. There would be anaesthesia, for god's sake.

But everything around the whole thing was just... Ugh. Doctors, nurses, tests, more tests, even more tests, the lack of communication leading to a nervous breakdown happening due to me not knowing when to come in... And, to top it all off, the damn tumour, like it knew it's days were numbered, was causing more and more pain by the day. Life lost it's colours. I spent day after day stopping, freezing up when another pain wave hit, coming home exhausted after having to mask it, slowly slipping away from socialising.

I have to leave, I've got an appointment.

Sorry I skipped your class, I had to get some tests done.

I'd love to go with you, but I need to clean my apartment; I doubt it's gonna be on my mind when I get back with a cast.

The only thing that kept me going was a deep, grim understanding: this is miserable, but continuing to live with that... thing growing inside me is worse.

... It's all over now, of course: nearly a week of school missed, a hazy experience, - god, they really overdid it with the drugs, - stitches, and a cast on my hand.

And it doesn't hurt anymore.

...No, I mean, it does, but compared to before? Piece of cake.

Nearly a year of constant worry and pain, gone.

Soon, all I'll have to show for it is a neat little scar on my hand that'll show that one day in the past, little old me was scared enough - and brave enough - to take the first step.

And as time slowly marches on, the colours that bled from my life, taken over by increasing pain, slowly turn bright again.

I'm just.

I feel like the joy came back into my life.

Like things have purpose again.

Like I can live.

I can live.

I don't have to feel pain anymore.

[thekats]

You know, some people make me wonder if they even like the show. Or the book. Or the author(s). Or anything or anyone involved.

Just because two male actors didn't fuck onscreen the second their characters shared a scene.

[dasyr0se-blog]

Aphrodite's Blessing

Despite the title, my fellow Thiam lovers, there will be as much love between those idiots as there will be ansgt.

This story, different form the other I have written, is a tad more heavy and inclined to make someone cry. But it also has the healing all the characters - focused more on the Puppy Pack and Theo - needed to have on the show and needed to be shown on the movie.

(Mason is not and should never have been written as Police Officer).

Still, it has many scenes and fluffy moments amongst family and friends - it has many forgivings as well. Clear second chances and a breather for the characters we love.

I belive by the end of the month the first chapter will be up. And since this story is more serious the amount the I'm writting is also the double of The Light of Your Eyes (Lay it on Me).

Literally.

Its like, three thousand word count? Double it and give it to the next person. No kidding.

Hope that isn't a goner - if it is, there will be more Thiam stories in the future, so don't worry.

See ya, ma fellows!

[wanderingchocolateeclair]

@tradishka I did some extra doodles from your ask and wanted to make sure you saw them but-

More sick Shinya shenanigans…..this time featuring The Jeanist Plushie™️ (yes he is back, anyone remember him? Hehe <3)

Shinya loves the Jeanist plushie….and he loves his Jeanist…..so accidentally beheading one of them is probably not the most ideal situation when ill, semi-out-of-it, or really at all-

[uku-lelevillain]

i never saw anyone mention it before so here i go

i think the reason why lockwood always has suits that are just a bit too tight for him is because his father died before he could show him how to judge the sizes properly and he thinks that’s how it should look because he was never told different

[blue-eli]

Ink October day twelve: Vindicator

One who vindicates; one who justifies, or maintains, or defends.

[priestbit]

... no but seriously, who's going to relieve donnie of the shackles of his self-blame regarding the horrible things he's been through? who's going to be the one that donnie finally fucking opens up to? who's going to build that level of trust with him? in-universe, james and emma build that kind of trust with him. james is the first person donnie tells about what his mum used to do to him. james is the first person not to get scared off by how violently defensive donnie gets. emma is the second person donnie opens up to of his own volition. excluding emma and james from the equation, donnie is locked shut about how he feels about it all. he gives nothing away, and that's good in the moment. it meant that he could be the rock for others to lean on, it meant he could take care of himself while the danger was still imminent. but after so many years of keeping it to himself... and blaming himself, he's at breaking point. who's going to be there for him? who's going to tell him he's doing a good job... and that he isn't to blame?

[shortansweet]

I had the weirdest frikin dream of my life and told mom about it