#*actual divorces of convenience: assholes trying to look less valuable on paper to get out of paying child/spousal support

[toast-the-unknowing]

kinda obsessed with that reverse trope post you reblogged bc im like...i love your divorce of convience fic which i know is also secretly married but THERE IS A DIVORCE OF CONVIENCE KINDA

The problem with having worked in family law for several years is when I read this very funny reverse fandom trope post, I was not able to fully laugh about "divorce of convenience" because I was thinking about actual divorce fraud* and how supremely unfun it is, and I was so distracted by that that I completely missed the fact that I have kind of written lighthearted divorce of convenience. So thank you for pointing that out to me! Love finding out I have in fact already done a thing.

[eyez-ff-blog]

○○ eyez | sixteen

January 28, 2016

It was weird how fast things could change in a year.

When Jermaine turned 30 years old he had gone through the day as any person would on their birthday—he spent it with people he cared for and was pretty much living a life he was willing to get used to. Now, he was 31 and he was about to embark on the end of a chapter in his life. Never would be had imagined that his birthday would now also be synonymous with the official and legal end of his marriage to Melissa.

The last couple of weeks had been hard on everyone involved with the situation—since he and Beija were ousted into the spotlight, everyone had something to say about the situation. Even though Beija had gotten the brunt of the social media attacks and think pieces on ‘Black women attacking family dynamics,’ Jermaine was not spared in being called a manipulator, a user, and an ungrateful asshole for ‘leaving Melissa when she had always been by his side.’ He had heard it all, and even after he revealed to the world the entirety of the situation, it only alleviated the pain by a small margin. It seemed that every day there was a new article, a new blog post, a new way to try to pry deeper into what seemed like a perfect life. It was irritating, but the idea that nobody truly understood or wanted to understand the truth kept Jermaine as sane as one could be during a time of such immense disorder.

His worries were less focused upon himself and more upon Beija. It seemed that with every day she was struggling to stay afloat with the situation, and he was well aware it was because of her depression. He could only imagine how hard this was upon her, and he did what he could to make sure she was okay. Even with that said, he couldn’t always be there with her and when he wasn’t, he worried for her. But it seemed that she threw herself into working, and it helped her cope a bit for the moment being. But he knew as soon as he was done with all of this mess, he wanted to disappear with her in some form or fashion. They both needed the time away.

But before he could get all of that done, he had to attend to what was before him. This would be his final meeting with Melissa and her lawyer, and now that they had reached an agreement on what they would do about the divorce agreement, it was time to finally sign the papers and nullify the union.

He had found himself an apartment in Brooklyn—it wasn’t too far from the places he liked to go, and he knew he probably would make the place his own. But at the moment it seemed cold and empty, and he didn’t like it one bit. He woke up feeling disgruntled most mornings, and because of all the noise outside, he didn’t sleep as much as he used to. But for some reason, he had slept the night before like a baby. Maybe because he knew that today would be a long one...maybe his body was trying to properly prepare him.

He got through showering and getting dressed into something decent, and he walked over to his phone to see a couple text messages. He rubbed the side of his face before he sat down on the bed, rummaging through the various birthday texts, answering back most of them before he heard the knock on the door.

“Coming,” He got up and walked over to the door before checking the peephole to make sure that it wasn’t anyone he didn’t know. When he realized it was his lawyer, he unlocked and opened the door. “Hey Lindsay,” He greeted.

Lindsay was probably the most qualified lawyer that Jermaine ever knew—she was close friends with the label’s legal advisor and when she caught word of Jermaine’s situation she offered to help. It was convenient for J so he went along with it, and he was actually glad he did. Despite how formal she was, she worked hard and was trying to keep J in the best situation possible when this was all said and done. “Good morning, Jermaine. Are you ready to leave?” She ran a hand over her swooped bang that tucked back into the bun she had her hair tied into.

“Yeah, just let me get my wallet,” He held up a finger before he walked back towards his bedroom, grabbing his wallet and keys before he came back towards the door. The two exited the apartment before he locked the door, and they made the trip down to the lobby of his apartment building.

The two headed down to the car that Lindsay had waiting for them, and they got into the backseat of it before the driver pulled from the curb and headed down the street. “Okay, so if everything goes according to plan, you’ll be getting out of this with a year’s worth of alimony payments—that’s pretty lenient all things considering. She could have asked for a lot more,” Lindsay explained.

“Hm,” Jermaine seemed to be preoccupied in his mind, shrugging his shoulders. “I mean, whatever. That’s good, but whatever,” He said softly.

“Something wrong? Most men would be happy about that,” She said.

“I guess I still feel guilt. I know that no money can give her back her time or effort. That’s always gonna fuck with me,” He said.

“Well, that just means that you do have some love for her somewhere inside you—that’s a human emotion,” She rationalized. “Not many feel guilt after things like this, so that says a lot. She may know that too,” She added.

“I just want this to end. For all of our sakes,” He mumbled as he felt his phone vibrate in his hand. He unlocked his phone to see one new text from ‘B’: “Hi. I know you’re probably at court but call me when you get out. Don’t be a grump today, Birthday Boy.”

He chuckled dryly before he shook his head, sending off a quick text back: “Doing my best. I’ll call you when I’m done.”

Once the car pulled up to the courthouse, J and Lindsay exited the vehicle and headed inside, ignoring the nearby sounds of camera shutters. He would never get used to that—he never too much liked the paparazzi, but now they were there for nothing but drama. He couldn’t wait for this to end, if only for that reason.

Once they got to the are they needed to be, the two were ushered inside a small office where a judge sat at a table with Melissa and her lawyer. J glanced at her, and she looked away soon after. He sat down at the table and Lindsay sat down next to him before the judge looked through their case file.

“Is this the final agreement?” The judge asked, and both lawyers nodded. “Fine. Mr. Cole, so we’re clear on what the agreement is—you’ll be paying Ms. Heholt a combination of alimony and spousal support from now until this day next year. In exchange, Ms. Heholt—you’re not to speak of this situation publically. Any breach will cease all payment if it can be proven in court,” The judge explained. “If that is agreed and understood, both of you sign. Your lawyers will sign as witnesses, and I will sign to make it official,” He said before passing the packet of papers to Jermaine first. He slowly skimmed through the packet before he got to the final page, seeing where he needed to sign and initial. He grabbed a nearby pen and he signed off on the contract before handing it over to Melissa. He watched as she read through it as well, and she wiped her face quickly before she signed as well. Their lawyers signed next, before the Judge went through and sighed and sealed it. “You’re all free to go,” He said, and the four got up to leave.

J sighed before he walked out into the main hallway, looking back when he saw Melissa coming out of the office as well. The two stared at each other for a moment, not saying anything initially. What was there to even say after this situation? Years of them together were now at an official close and though Jermaine couldn’t pry into her thoughts, he was sure that she felt something close to cheated. “Mel,” He began.

“Don’t say anything Jermaine,” She didn’t allow him to even begin an explanation. “I just want to thank you. You gave me the best years of my life...even if I didn’t give you yours,” She said, and he frowned slightly as he sighed. “And you taught me a valuable lesson that I wished I knew long ago.”

“I’m sorry...I don’t think I can say it enough. I wish that it didn’t end like this,” He said, and she shook her head slowly.

“We all wish for things that don’t come true. It’s not about what you want at this point, or even what I want; it’s about reality, and the reality is that this is over. This might be the best decision we ever made. You can be with that girl, and I can see what life is like without you. Maybe we’ll find everything we had been looking for in someone else, and maybe we’ll be miserable from this day forward, but the probability of being unhappy would have been definite if we stayed together,” She seemed accepting of their fate, and maybe it was time that J did the same. He couldn’t continue to beat himself up about it.

“I wish you the best, Melissa. I do. I may have never said it but I do have love for you...I appreciate everything you did for me, and I know a man will come along and you’ll be able to get the love you been wanting,” He said.

“I wish you the same; matter of fact, I wish it even more for you. Because I’d hate it if you did all of this for you to end up unhappy anyway,” Melissa’s words held some type of edge and it cut J deeper than he had expected. “Goodbye, Jermaine,” She walked away from him, leaving him alone in the hallway.

He looked at the ceiling and he let out a breath before he approached the exit, and walked outside into the crisp cold air. The sun was now visible and casted an almost golden light upon the buildings, and he glanced up at the blue sky before he walked to the car that was waiting for him. He got in, and shut the door once he was situated. The car eventually pulled away and headed down the street.

“Okay so should I do black and white or a colored outfit? Why did this have to be a theme? Ugh,” Beija sat amongst piles of clothes she had found at nearby thrift stores, and Jermaine watched from her computer chair as he aimlessly swiveled from left to right. “Help,” She said softly, and he glanced up to see her with a pout fixed on her face.

“I told you that you should try the Tommy Hilfiger fit with some denim. Like one of them old ass fits Beyoncé’s mama would dress Destiny Child in,” He said, and she sucked her teeth before laughing.

“I mean, that’s an option. But I want something cute. You know I gotta show out,” She laughed softly before she began to piece together an outfit. “Did you figure out what you’re gonna wear tonight?” She asked, and he nodded as he stood up, moving to sit on the bed with her.

“Yup. Been knew when I came up with the theme,” He said with a small laugh before he glanced over at her.

“Oh, you’re just all prepared,” She rolled her eyes before she raised her eyebrows, gasping. “Oh, I got you something,” She hopped out of bed before she moved out of the bed and went to her dresser, moving back to the bed with the couple of boxes that she retrieved from one of the drawers. She sat them in his lap and he moved to open them. The first gift was a cologne set and the second gift was a DVD box set of the first couple of seasons of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.

“Oh, shit. You know this my show,” Jermaine laughed before he leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Thank you,” He said.

“I didn’t know what else to get you, honestly,” She shook her head. “I’ll never be able to beat the present you gave me last year,” She chuckled before she finally picked out some clothes from the pile she had created. “How about this?”

Jermaine looked up and glanced the choice of outfit she put together—it was an oversized denim jacket to lay over what looked like a black romper. “Hm...that might be dope. Gotta have some cool shit to go with it,” He commented.

“Right, I got a choker and my new pallet just came in so I can work in a cute look for my face. I got these fly ass combat boots, too, and I know how I’mma do my hair too,” She explained as she laid out her outfit, starting to clean up all the other clothes she had taken out. “Go home and get ready! I’ll be a while and you might as well go get yourself together,” She said.

“You know what, you right. Let me go before you have me here for the rest of the damn night,” He stood up before he walked over to her, leaning down to kiss her quickly. “I’ll be back in an hour,” He said before he grabbed the gifts B gave him and headed out of her apartment.

Once he got home, he headed straight for the shower and washed off before getting out and drying off. He slid on some lotion before he put on his boxers and a tank top. He slid on a t-shirt and then put on a pair of overalls, only fastening one side. He slid on the colorful bomber over his outfit before he slipped on his socks and some sneakers that best matched the jacket. He decided to put on the cologne that Beija gave him, and he headed out and back to Beija’s place.

Once he entered her building, he headed up to her floor and to her apartment before knocking, waiting for her to come and open the door. He saw that she was within the process of doing her make-up—cooking, or whatever she called it. “You almost done?” He asked as he walked inside, closing the door behind him before locking the door.

“Almost. I still gotta blend and shit,” The two walked to her room, and she sat down at her vanity to finish up her face.

“I was thinking that if I gave you time, you’d be done,” He sat down in the computer chair, chuckling when she waved him off.

“I took a bath instead of a shower—had to exfoliate,” She explained, and he nodded as if he knew what she was talking about. “You like my buns? I thought it’d be true to theme,” J took a closer look at B’s hair, chuckling a bit at the zig-zag parts she had made, along with the two buns that were tucked and fixed on her head.

“It’s cute, baby. I gotta see it with the outfit,” He said, watching as she finished off her make-up with a dark colored lipstick. She sprayed something on her face, and he tilted his head. “What’s the spray for?”

“Setting spray. Keeps my make-up on,” She said, and he nodded as she slipped off her robe, revealing the bra and underwear she had underneath.

J’s mouth slightly dropped as he watched the way she moved about in the room. The white material almost seemed to glow against her skin, and though he knew she had a beautiful body, it seemed to amaze him even more in this state. Whatever she did for her skin was showing in the way it seemed to look so soft to the touch—he wanted so bad to be a little extra late to the party, but he decided to control himself. He tilted his head as he watched her step into her romper, seeing just how fitting it was against her skin. Once she got her arms through the straps, she walked over to him and turned around before pointing at the zipper that needed to be fastened. He reached over and pulled up the zipper, watching how tightly the romper held her in. “Gotdamn, babe. You gone burst out of that,” He playfully complained before he slid his hand down her back, grazing his hand against her ass lightly.

“Hush. Not my fault,” She walked over and sat down to put on her socks and boots. She then put on her jacket, and put on some accessories—her hoop earrings, gold jewelry and black choker necklace made her seem as if she stepped out of the era. She added a couple sprays of perfume before she grabbed her clutch purse. “Let’s go.”

“Finally,” He mumbled before he stood up, heading out of the apartment with her.

Instead of driving to the party, the two took an Uber cab and headed up to the club venue that had been reserved for the party. Jermaine was impressed with what Beija and Ib came up with for the party—not only did they composed an invite list of all of his friends and closest industry colleagues, but they even put together a list of fans and invited them as well. Beija got together with some friends of hers and got together a proper design team to make the decorations, and even though J was a bit overwhelmed at the whole idea, it was insisted that B wouldn’t allow his birthday to pass without a celebration.

When the two entered the party, J took in the sensory of the entire event—the DJ was playing all the great urban 90’s hits, mixing into one of his favorite Notorious B.I.G. cut once he entered. People were dressed in colorful clothes, and even the walls were covered in canvas boards with graffiti drawn on them. He waved at some people as he was led up to the VIP section, where everyone else were waiting for them to arrive. He took a look around the section, seeing that tons of bottles were already on ice and ready to be consumed, along with platters of finger foods. The centerpiece was a large cake, along with some more food.

“It’s the old man!” He glanced over to see Cody and Dame, who decided to dress as Kriss Kross. “Happy Birthday,” Cody walked over before sharing a dap with J.

“Thank you, thank you. You and Dame looking dumb as fuck as usual—I love it,” He laughed a bit as he shared a hug with Dame as well.

“Look at you hating. You think you somebody just because you old,” J looked back to see Bas, dressed comfortably in an outfit that looked similar to Jermaine’s. The two men laughed before they shared a hug. “How you feelin’? Do you feel any older?” Bas asked.

“Shit...actually, I kinda do,” He raised his eyebrows as Ib came forward, dressed as the King from Coming to America. “How—Ibrahim,” He began to laugh loudly.

The men all joined in the laughter as Ib slowly turned around, showing off his outfit. “This nigga would act the hell up and put this shit on. What Barbie dolls you destroyed to make this fur?” Dame gently touched the ‘lion’ draped across Ib’s chest.

“A man don’t tell his secrets—just go do your homework. Maybe one day you will achieve like me,” He playfully boasted.

“You ain’t shit,” J laughed before he grabbed the nearby bottle of Hennessy, unscrewing the bottle. “But this shit looks dope. Thank you for helping B out with the party,” He nodded.

“No problem. She damn near begged for me to help, and I’m learning that I don’t know how to say no to her. She’s the sister I never asked for,” Ib chuckled softly. “But it’s nice she wanted to do shit for you, all things considering.”

“Oh yeah...you good, J? I know today probably was weird at first,” Cody observed, and J gave a small shrug.

“Mel seemed...at peace with everything. So I know that eventually I’ll have to do the same. I’m just glad that the tabloids are slowly dying down. That was starting to fucking annoy me,” He admitted.

“Boy! That shit was wild—I really didn’t think anyone would care that much. But I guess that’s what comes with the territory,” Dame replied, and the men collectively agreed.

“I’m just trying to figure out how B pretty much bagged you. That’s amusing to me,” Cody chuckled.

“Nigga,” Bas sucked his teeth. “You’re oblivious. How you not know that J liked her?” He asked.

“Wait, you knew?” Both Cody and J asked.

“J...everyone could tell. Like—everyone. Except Cody, evidently,” Dame chuckled.

“Was it that obvious? Like...damn,” J chuckled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. He glanced back to see Beija talking to some other women, and he bit into his lip slowly as he watched her.

“Yeah, you see how you—...” Ib snapped twice in J’s face to make him pay attention. “You see how you staring and shit? Yeah, man. Obvious as hell,” He chuckled.

Soon enough the music changed up, and J took a long swig from his bottle. “I’m gonna go ahead and uh...yeah,” He chuckled as he walked away, hearing the playful jeering and teasing from his boys. He waved them off before he made his way to where Beija was. He wrapped an arm around her waist, listening to her laugh as he pulled her back against his chest.

“Hi,” Beija peeked up at him with a smile, and he leaned down and gently kissed her forehead. “Enjoying yourself?” She asked.

“Yeah, definitely. Thank you for all this. I would have been just fine with whatever, but all this is amazing,” He heard the DJ shout him out, and he glanced down at the first floor of the club, holding up his bottle in appreciation as the crowd applauded for him.

“I’m glad you like it,” He looked back at Beija as she took the bottle from his grip and took a sip of the liquor herself. “But what you want? You came over here for a reason,” She assumed.

“Had to come bother you,” He leaned down into her neck before kissing her neck slowly. His hand slowly moved to her hip before he squeezed it tightly, keeping his mouth against her skin as he spoke. “You look too fucking good, babygirl...” He mumbled.

“You are going to get yourself into trouble, Lamarr,” He heard her say as they slowly swayed to the music that was pumping through the speakers.

“With who?” He pulled back before he raised his eyebrows.

“With me,” She chuckled as he took her hand and slowly spun her around so that she could be facing him. “You’re not gonna be kissing on me and think I won’t get you back,” She pointed at him.

“Get me back how? I’d like to see you try,” He chuckled lowly as he took another swig of the liquor, casually placing one of his hands against the curve of her behind.

“I have my ways! Don’t even worry about it. You just need to behave,” She giggled as he slowly massaged her ass in his hand. “Stop,” She whined as she shook her head.

“I thought you said you were gonna get me, though,” He pressed his forehead against hers before a smirk spread across his lips. “So get me,” He taunted. J watched her press her lips together, and he smiled, knowing that he had made her flustered, even in the dim lighting of the club. “That’s what I thought,” He mumbled.

“You’re literally the worst,” B mumbled, and he laughed softly before he slowly kissed her cheek. “But I’ll let it slide, since this your day and all,” She huffed.

“You were gonna let it slide regardless,” He joked, looking out at the crowd as they continued to party. He was actually feeling pretty good about his birthday despite how it all started. It was kind of ironic that on the day he was born, he had closed a chapter in his life and was about to start a new one. He was still surrounded by people who loved him, and he was now in the process of building a life with a woman he felt the most connected to. It felt like not only did he grow older, but he left an old version of him behind—he felt reborn and ready to take on whatever he could, truthfully and completely comfortable with himself.