#*I can explain this in some detail and probably will as a second reblog

[jiskblr]

No, this was a simple case of the market supplying what buyers (schools) wanted:

Simplicity above all else.

Before Chromebooks, schools were full of Macs. Time was every school library and computer room was full of this guy, the iMac G3,

sometimes in color and other times in plain white. Because it was the simplest, easiest to configure, hardest to fuck up, least user-modifiable PC available. And it was available fairly cheap - not below cost, because they're not idiots (nor is Google), but for fairly low profit margins.

Then the Chromebook was developed, specifically for that market. I was on the Chromebook team for a while, and let me tell you, they were pushing for adoption in a hell of a lot more places than schools. But schools bought them, because they were even simpler to configure and even harder to fuck up than the Macs (and, relatedly, also cheaper). Many large companies were equally interested, because for large company purposes they are, just like at schools, obviously and massively superior, but due to principal-agent problems the people making the purchasing decisions stood to lose money if they switched*, so it was only the schools that could switch over easily.

No one was selling anything at a loss. No one was doing anything sinister. The market - specifically the many, many overworked and underpaid local school sysadmins - begged for something simpler, harder for kids to fuck up. And the foolproof way to keep kids from fucking up school hardware is to prevent them from modifying the software on that hardware. And so the market delivered.

Stallman was right - by using unfree software as our primary day to day tools, we lost the habit of and ability to modify those tools, and therefore stopped teaching people how to do it competently. He can wave the flag now and point to his predictions come true, and I hope it gives him a little (cold) comfort in his old age.

But the local incentives pointed toward closed-source and idiot-proof devices. Every small step toward that has obvious benefits and diffuse costs, and people are mostly idiots. There was never any conspiracy; there would be no reason for one, since the natural incentive of everyone, selling, buying, manufacturing, or coding, was to saunter vaguely downwards toward closed ecosystems.

There wasn't a conspiracy. There never is. Just inadequate equilibria.

We need to lay more blame for "Kids don't know how computers work" at the feet of the people responsible: Google.

Google set out about a decade ago to push their (relatively unpopular) chromebooks by supplying them below-cost to schools for students, explicitly marketing them as being easy to restrict to certain activities, and in the offing, kids have now grown up in walled gardens, on glorified tablets that are designed to monetize and restrict every movement to maximize profit for one of the biggest companies in the world.

Tech literacy didn't mysteriously vanish, it was fucking murdered for profit.

[resplendent-ragamuffin]

I have encountered issues with JVP in the past in regards to not accommodating kashrut/shabbat observance (and wheelchairs), but previously hasn’t heard about the Mikvah thing. Do you have any sources I can refer to?

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. The noise I made when I saw this ask.

You are probably unaware but I have literally been working on a post on this topic since February. Bless you for asking me about it and giving me a reason to share it. Genuinely. I'm delighted.

Without further ado, now that I've finally finished:

On the JVP Mikveh BS

Some of you are no doubt aware of the Jewish Voice for Peace Mikveh Guide (on JVP’s website here, and here on the Wayback Machine in case that link breaks). You may have seen the post I reblogged about it, you may have seen the post about JVP in general on @is-the-thing-actually-Jewish, or you may have heard about it elsewhere. Or maybe you’ve somehow managed to avoid all knowledge of its existence. (God I wish that were me.) Even if you know about it, even if you’ve scanned through it, you probably haven’t taken the time to read it through properly.

I have.

God help me.

I was originally looking through it to help draft the @is-the-thing-actually-Jewish post back in February, but some terrible combination of horror, indignation, and probably masochism compelled me to do a close reading, so that I could write this analysis and share it with you, dear readers. For those of you who’ve never heard of a mikvah, for those of you who’ve immersed in one, for those of you who’ve studied it intensely—I give you this, the fruit of my suffering, so you too can understand why “Mikveh: A Purification Ritual for Personal and Collective Transformation,” written by Zohar Lev Cunningham and Rebekah Erev for Jewish Voice for Peace has got so many people up in arms.

Brace yourselves. It’s going to be a long journey.

First off, a disclaimer: When I say something is “required in Jewish law” or whatnot, I’m talking about in traditional practice / Torah-observant communities; what is often called “Orthodox.” There’s a wide range of Jewish practice, and what is required in frum (observant) Judaism may not be required in Reform Judaism, etc. Don’t at me.

Second note: I myself am Modern Orthodox, and come from that perspective. I’m also very much more on the rationalist side than the mysticism side of things. I did run this past people from other communities. Still, if I’ve missed or misrepresented something, it was my error and was not meant maliciously.

Third: I am not a rabbi. I am a nerd who likes explaining things and doing deep dives. Again, I may have made errors–please let me know if you spot any, and I’d be happy to discuss them.

Now then. Before we get into the text itself, let’s give some background.

WHAT IS THIS MIKVEH THING ANYWAY?

A mikveh (or mikvah, both they and I switch between spellings; plural mikva’ot) is a Jewish ritual bath, sometimes translated as an immersion pool. Some communities or organizations that run mikva’ot will have a single all-purpose all-purpose, some have separate human- and utensil-pools, and some have separate women’s and men’s pools. The majority of the water in a mikvah has to be “living waters,” i.e. naturally collected rather than from a tap or a bucket. Some natural bodies of water can also be used, such as the ocean and some rivers (ask your local rabbi). The construction is complicated and has extremely detailed requirements. Here’s an example of a modern mikvah:

(By Wikimedia Commons (ויקיגמדון) - Own work, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=17373540)

Whoever is being dunked (the scientific term) has to be entirely immersed, and the water has to be in direct contact with all of them. That means no clothes, no makeup, no hair floating on the top of the water, no feet touching the floor, no clenched fists. You have to be completely clean as well, so no dirt is obstructing you from the water.

In essence, a person or thing is immersed in a mikvah to change their/its state from tameh (ritually “impure”) to tahor (ritually “pure”). I use quotes because “pure/impure” aren’t really good translations—they have value judgments that tameh/tahor don’t. There’s nothing wrong with being tameh, you aren’t lesser because you are tameh—it’s just a state one enters when one comes into contact with death and related concepts. (There are also different levels of both.) As a matter of fact, technically speaking even after going to a mikvah basically all people are tameh now—the tum’ah (“impurity,” sort of) that comes from contact with dead humans can only be removed by the Red Heifer offering (see Numbers 19), which we can’t do without the Temple. (Why I say “all” even if you’ve never been to a funeral is a much much longer tangent that I’ll spare you for now.) To quote one of my editors on this, mikvah is “about the natural oscillation between states of ritual purity and impurity. Men go to mikveh after having seminal emissions. Menstruating women go to mikveh on a monthly basis (emphasis added).” It’s just states of life.

In the days of the Temple, one had to be tahor to enter it (the Temple). Archaeologists have found a ton of ancient mikva’ot in Jerusalem that were presumably used by people visiting the Temple, which personally I think is extremely cool.

Nowadays, there are three main traditionally required uses for a mikvah. First, and most importantly, observant married women will go about once a month as part of their niddah (menstrual) cycle, part of practice known as Taharat HaMishpacha, or “Family ‘Purity,’” which at its root is a way to sanctify the relationship between spouses. Until she immerses, a wife and husband cannot resume relations. And not just sex—in some communities, they can’t sleep in the same bed or even have any physical contact at all.

The second use is for conversion—immersion is a central part of the conversion ceremony. One enters the water a gentile, and emerges a Jew.

The third usage is a bit different as it’s not for people. Tableware—plates, cups, etc.—made of certain materials have to be immersed before they can be used. This isn’t what the Guide is about, so I’m not going to go into that as much, but felt remiss if I didn’t mention it was a thing. If you want to know more, Chabad has an article on it here.

Aside from uses required by Jewish law, there is a strong tradition in some communities for men to go to the mikveh just before Yom Kippur, or sometimes every week before the Sabbath, to enter the holiday in as “pure” a state as possible these days. (The things they’re “purifying” from still made them tameh, it just matters less without the Temple.) There is also a strong custom to immerse before one’s wedding. Less traditional communities have also started using mikvah for other transitional moments, such as significant birthdays or remission from cancer. There has recently been an “open mikvah” movement, which “is committed to making mikveh accessible to Jews of all denominations, ages, genders, sexual orientations, and abilities (Rising Tide Network old website, “Why Open Mikvah”).”

To quote others:

No other religious establishment, structure or rite can affect the Jew in this way and, indeed, on such an essential level. —Rebbetzen Rivkah Slonim, Total Immersion, as quoted on Chabad.org

The mikveh is one of the most important parts of a Jewish community. —Kylie Ora Lobell, “What Is a Mikveh?” on Aish.com

How important? According to Rav Moshe Feinstein, one of the great American rabbis of the 20th century, one should build a mikveh before building a synagogue in a town that has neither, and even in a town where there is a mikveh but it’s an inconvenient distance away from the community (Igros Moshe: Choshen Mishpat Chelek 1 Siman 42).

A mikveh is more important than a synagogue.

I’d say that’s pretty important.

Tl;dr: A mikveh is the conduit through which a convert becomes a part of the Jewish people. It is traditionally used to sanctify the relationship between spouses. It was required for people to go to the Temple, back when we still had it. It is extremely central to Jewish practice.

So. What does JVP have to say about it?

THE JVP MIKVEH GUIDE

The document in question is titled “Mikveh: A Purification Ritual for Personal and Collective Transformation,” by Zohar Lev Cunningham and Rebekah Erev. I am largely going to quote directly from the text and then analyze and explain it.

Now let me be clear. I’m not trying to say the authors aren’t Jewish. I’m not saying they’re bad people, or that you should attack them. I am not intending any of this as an ad hominem attack. But given the contents of this document, I do think it is fair to call this appropriative, even if it is of their own culture—in the same way someone can have internalized racism, or twist feminism into being a TERF, I would argue that this is twisting Judaism into paganism. In fact, while I use “appropriation” throughout this document, an extremely useful term that’s been coined recently is “cultural expropriation”--essentially, appropriative actions done by rogue members of the community in question. One example of this would be the Kabbalah Centre in Los Angeles, which is the source of a lot of the Madonna-style “pop Kabbalah.” It was founded by an Orthodox Jewish couple, but it and its followers are widely criticized by most Jewish communities. In much the same way, the Guide is expropriation. 

We start off with a note from the authors.

Hello, Welcome to the Simple Mikveh Guide. This work comes out of many years of reclaiming and re-visioning mikveh. The intention of this guide is to acknowledge and give some context to what mikveh is, provide resources related to mainstream understanding of mikveh and also provide alternative mikveh ideas. Blessings for enjoyment of this wonderful, simple Jewish ritual! Zohar Lev Cunningham & Rebekah Erev

This is fairly normal, though “alternative mikveh ideas” is a bit odd to say. I also find “blessings for enjoyment” to be odd phrasing, somewhat reminiscent of the Wiccan “Blessed Be,” but it could be a typo.

The first main section is titled “Intro to Mikveh,” and begins as follows:

Mikveh is an ancient Jewish ritual practice of water immersion, traditionally used for cleansing, purification, and transformation. It's been conventionally used for conversion to Judaism, for brides, and for niddah, the practice of cleansing after menstruation.

This is relatively accurate, and credit where credit is due avoids making niddah out to be patriarchal BS. I do object slightly to “purify” as a translation without further explanation, as I went into above, and “cleansing” for similar reasons—it implies “dirtiness,’ which isn’t really what tum’ah is about. Also, though this is pretty minor, a bride going to the mikveh before her wedding is actually a part of the laws of niddah. I’d also note that they entirely leave out that it was important for going to the Temple in ancient times, though given this is published by JVP I’m not terribly surprised.

For Jews, water signifies the transformative moment from slavery in Egypt, through the parted Red Sea, and into freedom.

On the one hand, I suppose it’s not unreasonable to connect the Red Sea and mikveh, though I think I’d be more likely to hear it the other way around (i.e. “going through the sea was like the people immersing in a mikveh and being ‘cleansed,’ so to speak”). Though they were, rather importantly, not actually immersed in the water. However I don’t think I’d say water as a whole signifies the Splitting of the Sea. In fact, water imagery is more often used to signify the Torah, see for instance Bava Kamma 82a.

There is also a mystical connection to mikveh as a metaphor for the womb of the divine.

A mikveh being like a womb is also not uncommon. It’s found in the Reishis Chochmah (Shia’ar HaAhavah 11,58) and the writing of Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan (The Aryeh Kaplan Anthology, vol 2., p. 382; both as quoted in 50 Mikvahs That Shaped History, by Rabbi Ephraim Meth), see also “The Mikveh’s Significance in Traditional Conversion” by Rabbi Maurice Lamm on myjewishlearning. Filled with water, you float in it, you emerge a new being (at least for conversion); it’s not an absurd comparison to draw. I’m not sure I’ve found anything for the Womb of the Divine specifically, though. (Also, Divine should definitely be capitalized.)

Entering a mikveh is a transformative and healing experience and we have long wondered why it is not available to more people, including the significant trans and queer populations in Jewish communities.

So. I am NOT going to say there’s no problem with homophobia and/or transphobia in Jewish communities. It’s definitely a community issue, and many communities are grappling with it in various ways as we speak. And I’m certainly not going to say the authors didn’t have the experience of not having a mikveh available to them—I don’t know their lives, I’m not going to police their experiences.

However, while Orthodox mikvahs are often still restricted to married women (who by virtue of the community will generally be cis and married to men) and potentially adult men (given the resources and customs, as mentioned above), there are plenty of more liberal mikva’ot these days. Some even explicitly offer rituals for queer events! The list of reasons to go to the mikvah linked up above, for instance, includes:

(Mayyim Hayyim, “Immersion Ceremonies”)

Again, that’s not to say there aren’t issues of queerphobia in the Jewish community, but if you are queer and want to go to the mikvah, there are options out there. If you’re looking, I’ve included some links at the end.

When we make ritual, we are working with the divine forces of presence and intention. The magic of mikveh comes in making contact with water. Contact with water marks a threshold and functions as a portal to bring closer our ritual intention/the world to come.

This is…a weird way to put things. I would say this is the start of the red flags. “When we make ritual,” first of all, is, to quote @the-library-alcove (who helped edit this), “a turn of phrase that is not typically associated with any branch of Jewish practice; we have a lot--a LOT--of rituals, and while it's certainly not completely outside of the realm of Jewish vernacular, the tone here, especially in light of the later sections, starts veering towards the vernacular of neo-paganism.” One might say “make kiddush” (the blessing over wine on Shabbos and holidays) or “make motzi” (the blessing over bread), but not generally “make ritual.”

The next section is titled “Who Gets to Do Mikveh?” Their answer:

Everyone! Mikveh practice is available to all of us as a healing tool at any time.

The healing tool part isn’t the original purpose of mikveh, but there are some who have used it as a part of emotional recovery from something traumatic, by marking a new state of being free from whatever caused it, see for instance Mayyim Hayyim’s list linked above.

The “everyone” bit is a little more complicated. To explain why, we’re going to skip ahead a little. (Some of these quotes will also be analyzed in full later.)

We want to make mikveh practice available as a tool to all Jews and non-Jews who want to heal wounds caused by white supremacy and colonialism. [..] To us, a queer mikveh welcomes anyone, regardless of spiritual background or not. […] Queer mikveh is accessible physically and spiritually to any and all people who are curious about it. You don't have to be a practicing Jew to enter queer mikveh. You don't have to be Jewish. (pg. 2, emphasis added)

Now, I am told there are mikva’ot that allow non-Jews to immerse. I have yet to find them, so I don’t know what rituals they allow non-Jews to do. I also haven’t been able to find any resources on non-Jews being allowed to immerse. I have found quite a few that explicitly prohibit it. If there are any sources you know of, please send them to me! I’d love to see them! But so far everything I have come across has said that mikvah immersion is a closed practice that only Jews can participate in. (Technically, to quote the lovely @etz-ashashiot, any non-Jew can do mikvah…once. And they won’t be non-Jews when they emerge. There is also one very extreme edge-case, which is absolutely not mainstream knowledge or practice, and basically isn’t actually done. You can message me if you’re curious, but it’s really not relevant to this–and even in that case, it is preferable to use a natural mikvah rather than a man-made one.)

If there are any legitimate sources that allow non-Jews to do a mikvah ritual, I would assume said non-Jews would be required to be respectful about it. Unfortunately, this is how the paragraph we began with continues:

Who Gets to Do Mikveh? Everyone! Mikveh practice is available to all of us as a healing tool at any time. You don't need any credentials. Your own wisdom is all the power you need to be a Jewish ritual leader. (emphasis added)

This is where we really go off the rails. First of all, you need more than “wisdom” to lead a Jewish ritual. You need to actually know what you’re doing. You can’t just say “oh you know what I feel like the right thing to do for morning prayers is to pray to the sun, because God created the sun so the sun is worth worshiping, and this is a Jewish ritual I’m doing.” That’s just idolatry. Like straight up I stole that from a midrash (oral tradition) about how humanity went from speaking with God in the Garden of Eden to worshiping idols in the time of Noah (given here by Maimonides; note that it continues for a few paragraphs after the one this link sends you to).

Second of all, this is particularly bad given this guide is explicitly to Jews and non-Jews. As @daughter-of-stories put it when she was going over an earlier draft of this analysis, “they are saying that non-Jews can just declare themselves Jewish ritual leaders based on nothing but their own ‘wisdom.’”

I hope I don’t need to explain why that’s extremely bad and gross?

While we’re on the topic of non-Jews using a mikvah, let’s take a moment to address an accusation commonly mentioned alongside the mikvah guide: that JVP also encourages (or encouraged) self-conversion.

I have been unable to find a separate document where they explicitly said so, or an older version of this document that does. This leads me to believe that either a) the accusation came from a misreading of this document, or b) there was a previous document that contained it which has since been deleted but was not archived in the Wayback Machine. EITHER is possible.

Even in the case that there was no such document, however, I would point out that such a suggestion can be read–intentionally or not–as implicit in this document. This is a guide for mikvah use by both Jews and non-Jews, and includes an idea that non-Jews can perform Jewish rituals on their own without any guidance or even background knowledge, as quoted above. Why would a non-Jew, coming into Jewish practice with very little knowledge, go looking to perform a mikvah ritual?

I would wager that the most well-known purpose of immersing in a mikvah is for the purpose of conversion.

Nowhere in this guide is there any explicit statement that you can do a self-conversion, but it also doesn’t say anywhere that you can’t, or that doing so is an exception to “you don’t need any credentials” or “your own wisdom is all the power you need to be a Jewish ritual leader.” It may not be their intention, but the phrasing clearly leaves it as an option.

Even if this were from a source that one otherwise loved, this would be upsetting and disappointing. The amount of exposure this document is getting may be at least in part because it comes from JVP, but the distress and dismay would be there regardless. If there is further vitriol, it’s only because JVP is often considered a legitimate source by outsiders, if no one else–in other words, by the very people least likely to have the background to know that this document isn’t trustworthy. It’s like the difference between your cousin telling you “the Aztecs were abducted by aliens” versus a mainstream news program like Fox reporting it. Both are frustrating and wrong, but one has significantly more potential harm than the other, and therefore is more likely to get widespread criticism (even if you complain about your cousin online).

On the other hand, as one of my editors pointed out in a moment of dark humor, they do say you don’t have to be Jewish to lead a Jewish ritual, so perhaps that mitigates this issue slightly by taking away a motivation to convert in the first place.

Returning to our document:

We do mikvahs in lakes, rivers, bathtubs, showers, outside in the rain, from teacups, and in our imaginations.

At this point the rails are but a distant memory.

In case you’ve forgotten what I said about this at the beginning of this post (and honestly I wouldn’t blame you, we’re on pg. 9 in my draft of this), there are extremely strict rules about what qualifies as a mikvah. Maimonides’s Mishnah Torah, just about the most comprehensive codex of Jewish law, has eleven chapters on the topic of the mikvah (though that includes immersion in it as well as construction of it). I’m not going to make you read through it, but let’s go through the list in this sentence:

Lakes and rivers: you might be able to use a river or lake as a mikvah, but you need to check with your local rabbinical authority, because not all of them qualify. In general, the waters must gather together naturally, from an underground spring or rainwater. In the latter case, the waters must be stationary rather than flowing. A river that dries up in a drought can’t be used, for instance. (The ocean counts as a spring, for this purpose.)

Bathtubs and showers: No. A man-made mikveh must be built into the ground or as an essential part of a building, unlike most bathtubs, and contain of a minimum of 200 gallons of rainwater, gathered and siphoned in a very particular way so as not to let it legally become “groundwater.” Also, it needs to be something you can immerse in, which a shower is not.

Outside in the rain: No? How would you even do that?? What??

Teacups: Even if you were Thumblina or K’tonton (Jewish Tom Thumb), and could actually immerse your entire body in a teacup, it wouldn’t be a kosher mikvah as a mivkah can’t be portable.

In your imagination: Obviously not, what the heck are you even talking about

We will (unfortunately) be coming back to the teacup thing, but for now suffice it to say most of these are extremely Not A Thing.

Mikveh has been continually practiced since ancient Judaism. It is an offering of unbroken Jewish lineage that we have claimed/reclaimed as our own.

I find the use of “claimed/reclaimed” fascinating here, given this guide is explicitly for non-Jews—who, whether or not they are permitted to use a mikvah, certainly shouldn’t be claiming it as their own—as well as Jews. I find it particularly interesting given the lack of clarity of how much of JVP’s membership is actually Jewish and JVP’s history of encouraging non-Jewish members to post “as Jews.” Kind of telling on yourselves a bit, there.

(Once again, I’m not commenting on the authors themselves, but the organization they represent here and the audience they are speaking to/for.)

We want to make mikveh practice available as a tool to all Jews and non-Jews who want to heal wounds caused by white supremacy and colonialism. We want to make mikveh practice available for healing our bodies, spirits, and the earth.

Setting aside the “Jews and non-Jews” thing, since I talked about that earlier and this is already extremely long, I do want to highlight the end of the paragraph. While there are some modern uses of the mikvah to (sort of) heal the spirit, I haven’t heard of anyone using a mikvah to heal the body—as a general rule Jews don’t tend to do faith healing, though of course some sects are the exception. Healing the earth, however, is absolutely not a use of a mikvah. Mikvah rituals, as we’ve now mentioned several times, are about tahara of a person or an object, and require immersion. You can’t immerse the earth in a mikvah. The earth contains mikva’ot. Healing the earth with a mikvah is a very strange worship (IYKYK).

We acknowledge that not all beings have consistent access to water, including Palestinians.

This is a tragedy, no question. I don't mean to minimize that. However, it is also unrelated to the matter at hand. The Guide also doesn’t give any recommendations on how we can help improve water access, so this lip service is all you get.

A lack of water does not make mikveh practice inaccessible.

Yes, in fact, it does. Without a kosher mikvah of one variety or another one cannot do anything that requires a mikvah. That’s why building a kosher one is so important. I haven’t gone looking for it, but while I’m sure there’s lots (and lots and lots and lots) of Rabbinic responsa out there of what to do in drought situations, you definitely do need water in all but the most extreme cases. If you do not have water, AYLR (Ask Your Local Rabbi)--don’t do whatever this is.

The spirit of water can be present with us if we choose to call for water, so even when water is not physically available to us we can engage in mikveh practice.

This is just straight up avodah zarah (“strange worship,” i.e. idolatry) as far as I can tell. The “spirit of the water”? What? We’re not Babylonians worshiping Tiamat. What source is there for this? Is there a source??

Like all material resources, the ways water is or is not available to us is shaped by our geographic and social locations. The ways we relate to water, what we decide is clean, treyf (dirty), drinkable, bathable, how much we use, how much we save, varies depending on our experiences. We invite you to decide what is clean and holy for your own body and spiritual practice.

This is going to require some breaking down.

To start with, let’s define “treyf.” To quote myjewishlearning, “Treyf (sometimes spelled treif or treyfe) is a Yiddish word used for something that is not kosher [lit. "fit"]. The word treyf is derived from the Hebrew word treifah, which appears several times in the Bible and means 'flesh torn by beasts.' The Torah prohibits eating flesh torn by beasts, and so the word treifah came to stand in for all forbidden foods.”

You may note the lack of the word “dirty” in this definition, or any other value judgments. Myjewishlearning continues, “over time, the words kosher and treyf have been used colloquially beyond the world of food to describe anything that Jews deem fit or unfit.” While this does have something of a value judgment, it’s still not “dirty.” I can’t say why the authors chose to translate the word this way, but…I don’t like it.

Now, when it comes to what is kosher or treyf, food and drink are most certainly not based on “our experiences.” There are entire books on the rules of kashrut; it generally takes years of study to understand all the minutiae. Even as someone who was raised in a kosher household, when I worked as a mashgicha (kosher certification inspector) I needed special training. What is considered kadosh (“sacred” or “holy,”  though again that’s not a perfect translation) or tahor is also determined by very strict rules. We don’t just decide things based on “vibes.” That’s not how anything in Jewish practice works.

Water, in fact, is always kosher to drink unless it has bugs or something else treyf in it. And mikvehs aren’t even always what I’d consider “drinkable;” I always wash utensils I’ve brought to the mikvah before I use them.

We come to our next heading: What is Queer Mikveh?

What is Queer Mikveh? To us, a queer mikveh welcomes anyone, regardless of spiritual background or not.

As I’ve said above, I have yet to find a single source (seriously if you have one please send it to me) that says non-Jews can go to a mikvah. As one of my editors for this put it, “to spin appropriation of Jewish closed practices as ‘queer’ is not only icky but deeply disrespectful to actual queer Jews.”

Also, and this is not remotely the point, but “regardless of spiritual background or not” is almost incoherently poor writing.

As Jews in diaspora we want to share and use our ritual practices for healing the land and waters we are visitors on for the liberation of all beings.

I have tried to be semi-professional about this analysis, but. “Jews in the diaspora,” you say. Tell me, JVP, where are we in the diaspora from? Hm? Where are we in diaspora from? Which land do we come from? Which land are we indigenous to, JVP? Do tell.

Returning to the point, I would repeat that mikvah has nothing to do with “healing the land and waters.” It’s ritual purification of whatever is immersed in it. You want to heal the land and waters? Go to your local environmental group, and/or whoever maintains your local land and waters. Pick up trash. Start recycling. Weed invasive species. Call your government and tell them to support green energy. You want liberation for all beings? Fight bigotry—including antisemitism. Judaism believes in action—go act. Appropriating rituals from a closed religion doesn’t liberate anyone.

We have come up with this working definition and welcome feedback!

Oh good, maybe I won’t be yelled at for posting this (she said dubiously).

Queer mikveh is a ritual of Jews in diaspora. We believe the way we work for freedom for all beings is by using the gifts of our ancestors for the greatest good. We bring our rituals as gifts.

I have nothing in particular new to say about this, except that I find the idea of “bringing our rituals as gifts” for anyone to use deeply uncomfortable, given Judaism is a closed religion that strongly discourages non-Jews from joining us, and that has had literal millennia of people appropriating from us.

It acknowledges that our path is to live on lands that are not historically our peoples [sic] and we honor the Indigenous ancestors of the land we live on, doing mikveh as an anti-colonialist ritual for collective and personal liberation.

Again I would love so much for JVP to tell us which lands would historically be our people’s. What land do Jews come from, JVP? What land is it we do have a historical connection to? What land do our Indigenous ancestors come from??

And why does it have to be our path to live on lands other than that one?

Secondly, to quote the lovely @daughter-of-stories again when she was editing this, “Mikveh as anti-colonialism, aside from not being what Mikveh is, kinda implies that you can cleanse the land of the sins of colonialism. So (a) that’s just a weird bastardization of baptism since, mikveh isn’t about cleansing from sin, and (b) so does that mean the colonialism is erased? Now we don’t have to actually deal with how it affects actual indigenous people?”

I’m sure that (b) isn’t their intent, but I will say that once again they don’t give any material suggestions for how to actually liberate any collectives or persons from colonialism in this document, including any links to other pages on their own website*, which surely would have been easy enough. It comes across as very performative.

*I disagree strongly with most of their methods, but at least they are suggesting something.

Queer mikveh is a physical or spiritual space that uses the technologies of water and the Jewish practice of mikveh to mark transitions. Transition to be interpreted by individuals and individual ritual.

I have no idea what the “technologies of water” are. Also usage of a mikvah to mark transitions beyond ritual states is a fairly new innovation, as mentioned above.

Queer mikveh in it's [sic] essence honors the story of the water. The historical stories of the water we immerse in, the stories of our own bodies as water and the future story we vision [sic].

This just sounds like a pagan spinoff of baptism to me, if I’m being honest. Which would be non-Jewish in several ways.

Queer mikveh is accessible physically and spiritually to any and all people who are curious about it. You don't have to be a practicing Jew to enter queer mikveh. You don't have to be Jewish.

First off, once again whether or not non-Jews can use mikvah seems at best extremely iffy. Secondly, accessibility in mikva’ot is, as one of my editors put it, “a continual discussion.” We have records of discussions regarding access for those with physical disabilities going back at least to the 15th century (Shut Mahari Bruna, 106; as quoted in 50 Mikvahs That Shaped History by Rabbi Ephraim Meth), and in the modern era there are mikva’ot that have lifts or other accessibility aids. That said, many mikva’ot, especially older ones, are still not accessible–and many mikva’ot don’t have the money to retrofit or renovate. Mikvah.org’s directory listings (linked at the end of this) notes whether various mikva’ot are accessible, if you are looking for one in your area.  If you want to help make mikva’ot more accessible to the disabled, consider donating to an existing mikvah to help them pay for renovations or otherwise (respectfully) getting involved in the community. If you want to help make mikva’ot more accessible for non-Orthodox Jews, try donating to an open mikvah (see link to a map of Rising Tide members at the end of this essay) or other non-Orthodox mikvah.

Queer mikveh is an earth and water honoring ritual.

Not even a little. We do have (or had) rituals that honor the earth or water, at least to an extent–the Simchat Beit HaSho’evah (explanations here and here) was a celebration surrounding water; most of our holidays are harvest festivals to some extent or another; there are a large number of agricultural mitzvahs (though most can only be done in Israel, which I suppose wouldn’t work for JVP). (Note: mitzvahs are commandments and/or good deeds.) Even those, though, aren’t about the water or earth on their own, per se, but rather about honoring them as God’s gift to us. This description of mikvah sounds more Pagan or Wiccan–which is fine, but isn’t Jewish.

Queer mikveh exists whenever a queer person or queers gather to do mikveh. Every person is their own spiritual authority and has the power to create their own ritual for individual or collective healing.

Absolutely, anyone can create their own rituals for anything they want. But it probably won’t be a mikvah ritual, and it probably won’t be Jewish.

Do you know what it’s called when you make up your own ritual and claim that it’s actually a completely valid part of an established closed practice of which you aren’t part? (Remember—this document is aimed just as much at non-Jews as at Jews.)

It’s called appropriation.

With the next section, “Some Ideas for Mikveh Preparation,” we begin page three.

(Yes, we’re only on page three of seven. I’m so sorry.)

The most important part of mikveh preparation is setting an intention.

This isn’t entirely wrong, as you do have to have in mind the intention of fulfilling a mitzvah when you perform one.

Because mikveh is a ritual most used to mark transitions, you can frame your intention in that way.

To quote myself above, “usage of a mikvah to mark transitions beyond ritual states is a fairly new innovation.” I’d hardly say it is mostly used for marking transitions.

You can do journaling or talk with friends to connect with the Jewish month, Jewish holiday, Shabbat, the moon phase, and elements of the season that would support your intention.

If this were a guide for only Jews, or there was some sort of note saying this section was only for Jews, I would have less of a problem. But given neither is true, they are encouraging non-Jews to use the Jewish calendar for what is, from the rest of the descriptions in the Guide, a magical earth healing ritual.

This is 100% straight up appropriation.

The Jewish calendar is Jewish. Marking the new moon and creating a calendar was the first commandment given to us as a people, upon the exodus from Egypt. Nearly all our holidays are (aside from the harvest component, which is based on the Israeli agricultural seasons and required harvest offerings) based on specific parts of Jewish history. Passover celebrates the Exodus and our becoming a nation. Sukkot celebrates the Clouds of Glory that protected us in the desert. Shavuot celebrates being given the Torah.

According to some opinions, non-Jews literally aren’t allowed to keep Shabbat.

If you are a non-Jew and you are basing the collective earth healing ritual you have created under your own spiritual authority around Jewish holidays and calling it “mikvah,” you are appropriating Judaism.

Full stop.

This isn’t even taking into account the generally Pagan/witchy feel of the paragraph, with “moon phases” and “elements of the season.” Again, if you want to be a Pagan be a Pagan, but don’t call it Jewish.

Things only go further downhill with their next suggestion for preparation before you go to the mikvah.

Divination: A lot can be said about divination practices and Judaism.

There certainly is a lot to be said. First and foremost, there’s the fact that divination is forbidden in Judaism.

(Screenshot of Leviticus 19:26 from sefaria.org)

One method of divination they suggest is Tarot, which is a European method of cartomancy that seems to have begun somewhere in the 19th century, though the cards start showing up around the 15th. While early occultists tried to tie it to various older forms of mysticism, including Kabbalah, this was, to put it lightly, complete nonsense. (Disclaimer: this information comes from wikipedia; I’ve already spent so much time researching the mikvah stuff that I do not have the energy or interest to do a deep dive into the origin of Tarot. It isn’t Jewish, the rest is honestly just details.)

I have nothing against Tarot. I think it’s neat! The cards are often lovely! I have a couple of decks myself, and I use them for fun and card games. But divination via tarot is not Jewish. If I do any spreads, I make it very clear to anyone I’m doing it with that it is for fun and/or as a self-reflection tool, not as magic. Because that is extremely not allowed in Judaism.

The authors suggest a few decks to use, one of which is by one of the authors themselves. Another is “The Kabbalah Deck,” which—holy appropriation, Batman!

In case anyone is unaware, Kabbalah (Jewish mysticism) is an extremely closed Jewish practice, even within Judaism. Traditionally it shouldn’t be studied by anyone who hasn’t already studied every other Jewish text (of which there are, I remind you, a lot), because it’s so easy to misinterpret. I mentioned this above briefly when explaining cultural expropriation. Pop Kabbalah (what Madonna does, what you see when they talk about “Ancient Kabbalistic Texts” on shows like Supernatural, the nonsense occultists and New-Agers like to say is “ancient Kabbalistic” whatever, it’s a wide span of appropriative BS) is gross, combining Kabbalah with Tarot is extremely gross. I’m not 100% sure, as the link in the pdf doesn’t work, but I believe they are referring to this deck by Edward Hoffman. For those of you who don’t want to click through, the Amazon description includes this:

(Screenshot from Amazon)

Returning to our text:

Another practice that's been used in Judaism for centuries is bibliomancy. You can use a book you find meaningful (or the Torah) and ask a question. Then, close your eyes, open the book to a page and place your finger down. Interpret the word or sentence you pointed at to help guide you to answer your question.

Bibliomancy with a chumash (Pentateuch) or tanach (Bible) in Jewish magic is kind of a thing, but the tradition of Jewish magic as a whole is very complicated and could be its own entirely different post. This one is already long enough. This usage of bibliomancy is clearly just appropriative new-age BS, though, especially given you can use “[any] book you find meaningful.”

Also, if you aren’t Jewish, please don’t use the Torah for ritual purposes unless you are doing it under very specific circumstances under the laws for B’nei Noach (“Children of Noah,” also called Righteous Gentiles; non-Jews who follow the 7 Noachide Laws).

Sit with your general intention or if you aren't sure, pose a question to the divination tool you are using. "What should be my intention for this mikveh?" "What needs transforming in my life?" "How can I transform my relationship with my body?"

As I hope I’ve made clear, there are very specific times when one uses a mikvah, even with more modern Open Mikvah rituals. You always know what your intention is well before going—to make yourself tahor, or mark a specific event. I’m not here to police how someone prepares mentally before they immerse—meditation is fine, even encouraged. But magic? Like this? That’s not a thing. And given the fact that divination specifically is not only discouraged but forbidden, this section in particular upset a lot of Jews who read it.

Those of us already upset by everything we’ve already covered were not comforted by how the Guide continues.

How to Prepare Physically For Mikveh: Some people like to think about entering the mikveh in the way their body was when they were born. By this we mean naked, without jewelry, with clean fingernails and brushed hair. This framing can be meaningful for many people.

We went into this at the beginning of this essay (about 6500 words ago), but this is in fact how Jewish law mandates one is required to immerse. This is certainly the case in most communities, whether you are immersing due to an obligation (as a married woman or a bride about to be married) or due to custom (as men in post-Temple practice) or due to non-traditional immersion (as someone coming out); wherever on the spectrum of observance one falls (as far as I could find). A mikvah isn’t a bath, it’s not about physical cleanliness—you must first thoroughly clean yourself, clip your nails, and brush your teeth. Nail polish and makeup are removed. There can’t be any barriers between you and the water. Most mikva’ot these days, particularly women’s mikva’ot, have preparation rooms so you can prep on site. When you immerse, you have to submerge completely—your hair can’t be floating above the water, your mouth can’t be pursed tightly, your hands can’t be clenched so the water can’t get to your palms. If you do it wrong, it doesn’t count and you have to do it again. It’s not a “framing,” it’s a ritual practice governed by ritual law.

We suggest you do mikveh in the way you feel comfortable for you and your experience.

This isn’t how this works. If you have a particularly extreme case, you can talk to a rabbi to see if there are any workarounds—for example, if excessive embarrassment would distract you from the ritual, you may be able to wear clothes that are loose enough that the water still makes contact with every millimeter of skin. But you need to consult with someone who knows the minutiae of the laws and requirements so you know if any exceptions or workarounds apply to you. That’s what a rabbi is for. That’s why they need to go to rabbinical school and get ordination. They have to study. That’s why you need to find a rabbi whose knowledge and personality you trust. For someone calling themselves a religious authority in Judaism to say “you can do whatever, no biggie” with such a critical ritual is…I’m not sure what the word I want is.

The idea is to feel vulnerable but also to claim your body as a powerful site of change that has the power to move us close to our now unrecognizable futures.

The idea is to bathe in the living waters and enter a state of taharah. Though that could be an idea you have in mind while you are doing it, I suppose. I could see at least one writer I know of saying something like this to specifically menstrual married (presumably cis) women performing Taharat HaMishpacha (family taharah, see above).

For some people, doing mikveh in drag will feel most vulnerable, with all your make-up and best attire.

Absolutely not a thing. As I said last paragraph, the goal isn’t to feel vulnerable or powerful or anything. It may feel vulnerable or powerful, but that is entirely besides the actual purpose of the ritual. What you get out of it on a personal emotional level has nothing to do with the religious goal of the religious practice.

And if you are wondering how one would submerge oneself in water in full drag, don’t worry, we’ll get there soon.

For some, wearing a cloth around your body until just before you dip is meaningful.

This is just how it’s usually done. Generally one is provided with a bathrobe, and one removes it before entering. You don’t just wander around the building naked. Or the beach, if you’re using the ocean.

If you were born intersex and your genitalia was changed without your consent, thinking about your body as perfect, however you were born, can be loving.

I’m not intersex, so I’m not going to comment on the specifics here. If you are and that’s meaningful to you, more power to you.

We enter a new section, at the top of page 4.

Where To Do Mikveh: There is much midrash around what constitutes a mikveh.

“Midrash” is not the word they want here. The midrash is the non-legal side of the oral tradition, often taking the form of allegory or parable. This is as opposed to the mishna, which is the halachic (legal) side of the oral tradition. They were both written down around the same time, but most midrashim (plural) are in their own books, rather than incorporated in the mishna.

There is, however, a great deal of rabbinic discussion, in the form of mishna, gemara, teshuvot (responsa), legal codices, and various other genres of Jewish writing. More properly this could have just said “there is much discussion around what constitutes a mikveh.”

Most mikvot currently exist in Orthodox synagogues[—]

This is perhaps a minor quibble, but I don’t know that I’d say they’re generally in synagogues. They are frequently associated with a local congregation, but are often in a separate building.

[—]but there is a growing movement to create more diverse and inclusive spaces for mikveh. Mayyim Hayyim is a wonderful resource with a physical body of water mikveh space. Immerse NYC is a newer organization training people of all genders to be mikveh guides. They also work to find gender inclusive spaces for people to do mikveh in NYC.

This is true! Mayyim Hayyim is a wonderful organization I’ve never heard anything bad about, and ImmerseNYC also seems like an excellent organization. Both also only allow Jews (in which group I am including in-process converts) to immerse.

The mikveh guides thing I didn’t explain above, so I’ll take a moment to do so here. Because the rules of immersion are so strict, and because it’s hard to tell if you are completely immersed when you are underwater, most mikva’ot have a guide helping you. Depending on the circumstance and the mikvah, and depending on the patron’s comfort, who and how they do their jobs can differ somewhat. For a woman immersing after niddah, it will usually be another woman who will hold up the towel or bathrobe for you while you get in the water, and will only look from behind it once you are immersed to make sure you are completely submerged. If you are converting, customs vary. Some communities require men to witness the immersion regardless of the convert’s gender, which is very much an ongoing discussion in those communities. Even in those cases, to my knowledge they will only look once the convert is in the water, and there will likely still be a female attendant if the convert is a woman. While there are negative experiences people have had, it is very much an intra-community issue. We’re working on it.

Mikveh can be done in a natural body of water.

Again, this is true, though not all bodies of water work, so AYLR (Ask Your Local Rabbi).

Some people are also making swimming pools holy places of mikveh.

We’ve already explained above why this is nonsense.

In the Mishneh (the book that makes commentary on the torah [sic]) there are arguments as to what constitutes a mikveh and how much water from a spring or well or rainwater must be present.

The main issue in this section is their definition of the Mishneh. As I explained above, the Mishna (same thing, transliteration is not an exact science) is the major compilation of the Oral Torah, the oral tradition that was written down by Rabbi Judah Ha-Nasi so it wouldn’t be lost in the face of exile and assimilation. It’s not so much a commentary on the (Written) Torah as an expansion of it to extrapolate the religious laws we follow. It’s certainly not “the book that makes commentary on the Torah.” We have literally hundreds of books of commentary. That’s probably underestimating. Jews have been around for a long time, and we have been analyzing and discussing the Torah for nearly as long. There are so many commentaries on the Torah.

The second issue is that while there are arguments in the Mishna and Gemara (the oral discussion on the Mishna that was written down even later), they do generally result in a final decision of some sort. Usually whichever side has the majority wins. Variations between communities are still very much a thing, and I can explain why in another post if people are interested, but there usually is a base agreement.

We are of the school that says you decide for yourself what works.

The phrasing they use here makes it sound as though that’s a legitimate opinion in the Mishnah. I cannot emphasize how much that is not the case. While I myself have not finished learning the entire Mishnah, I would be willing to wager a great deal that “whatever works for you” isn’t a stance on any legal matter there. That’s just not how it works. While some modern branches of Judaism may have that as a position, it is definitely not Mishnaic.

If you are concerned about Jewish law, the ocean is always a good choice. There are no conflicting arguments about the ocean as a mikveh. As the wise maggid Jhos Singer says in reference to the ocean, "It's [sic] becomes a mikveh when we call it a mikveh." Done.

(To clarify, I don’t know if that typo was carried over from the source of the original quote or not.)

This is true. However if you are concerned about Jewish law I would very much urge you to look to other sources than this one—be that your local rabbi or rebbetzen, the staff at your local mikvah, or a reliable website that actually goes into the proper requirements. If you want to use a mikveh according to Jewish law, please do not use this document as your guide.

We recognize immersion in water does not work for every body. Therefore, a guiding principle for where to do a mikveh is: do a mikveh in a place that is sacred to you. Your body is always holy and your body is made of mostly water. Later in this guide there is more information on mikveh with no immersion required.

I cannot emphasize how much I have never once heard this before. This, to me, reads like New Age nonsense. If you are unable to immerse in a mikvah, talk to your rabbi. Don’t do…whatever this is.

Our next section is a short one.

Who To Do it With: Do mikveh with people you feel comfortable with and supported by.

This is fine, though many mikva’ot (perhaps even most) will only allow one person to immerse at a time.

Do a solo mikveh and ask the earth body to be your witness.

With this, we return to the strange smattering of neo-Paganism. The “earth body” is not a thing. Yes, the Earth is called as a witness in the Bible at least once. It’s poetic. You also, unless you are converting, don’t actually need a witness anyway. A mikvah attendant or guide is there to help you—if you were somewhere without one, you could still immerse for niddah or various customary purposes.

Do mikveh with people who share some of your vision for collective healing.

As I’ve said before in this essay, collective healing is not the point of a mikvah. If you are Jewish and want to pray for healing, there are plenty of legitimate places for this–the Shemonah Esrei has a prayer for healing and a prayer where you can insert any personal prayers you want; there’s a communal prayer for healing after the Torah reading. You can give charity or recite a psalm or do a mitzvah with the person in mind. You can also just do a personal private prayer with any words you like, a la Hannah, or if you want pre-written words find an appropriate techinah (not the sesame stuff). If you want to work towards collective liberation, volunteer. Learn the laws of interpersonal mitzvot, like lashon hara (literally “evil speech,” mostly gossip or libel). Connect fighting oppression to loving your neighbor or the Passover seder. We have tons of places for this–mikvah isn’t one of them.

Next segment.

What To Bring to A Mikveh: 1. Intentions for the ritual for yourself and/or the collective.

See previous points on intention.

2. Items for the altar from your cultural background[…] (emphasis mine)

If I wasn’t appalled by the “immersing in makeup” or the “do divination first,” this would be the place that got me. This is wrong on so many levels.

One is not allowed to have an altar outside of The Temple in Jerusalem, the one we currently do not have. It’s an extremely big deal. One is not allowed to make sacrifices outside of the Temple. Period. This is emphasized again and again in the Torah and other texts. Even when we had a Temple, there were no altars in a mikvah.

And you certainly couldn’t offer anything in the Temple while naked, as one is required to be when immersing in the mikvah.

Even when we did bring offerings to altars (the Bronze Altar or the Gold Altar, both of which were in the Temple and which only qualified priests in a state of tahara could perform offerings on), the offerings were very specifically mandated, as per the Torah and those other texts. Even when non-Jews gave offerings (as did happen) they were required to comply. You couldn’t just bring any item from your cultural background. This is paganism, plain and simple.

Now, again, let me be clear: if you’re pagan, I have no problem with you. My problem is when one tries to take a sacred practice from a closed religion and try to co-opt it as one’s own. It’s a problem when someone who isn’t Native American decides to smudge their room with white sage, and it’s a problem when someone who isn’t Jewish tries to turn a mikvah into a pagan cleansing rite. And even if the person doing it is Jewish--I have an issue when it’s Messianics who were born Jewish, and I have an issue when it’s pagans who were born the same. Either way, whether you intend to or not, you are participating in appropriation or expropriation.

Which makes the line that follows this point so deeply ironic I can’t decide if I’m furious or heartbroken.

After suggesting that the reader (who may or may not be Jewish) bring items for an altar to a mikvah, the Guide asks:

[…] (please do not bring appropriated items from cultures that are not yours).

Which is simply just... beyond parody. To quote one of my editors, “This is quickly approaching the level of being a new definition for the Yiddish word 'Chutzpah,' which is traditionally defined as 'absurdist audacity' in line with 'Chutzpah is a man who brutally murders both of his parents and then pleads with the judge for leniency because he is now an orphan bereft of parental guidance.' If not for the involved nature of explaining the full context, I would submit this as a potential new illustrative example.”

The next suggestion of what to bring is

3. Warm clothes, towels, warm drinks

All these are reasonable enough, though most mikva’ot provide towels. Some also provide snacks, for while you are preparing. They may also not allow you to bring in outside food.

4. Your spirit of love, healing, and resistance

This, again, has nothing to do with mikvah. The only spirit of resistance in a mikvah is the fact that we continue to do it despite millennia of attempts to stop us. Additionally, to me at least “a spirit of love” feels very culturally-Christian.

Our next section is titled “How to Make Mikveh a Non-Zionist Ritual.”

Right off the bat, I have an issue with this concept. Putting aside for a moment whatever one may think of Zionism as a philosophy, my main problem here is that mikvah has nothing at all to do with Zionism. In Orthodoxy, at least, Jews who are against Zionism on religious grounds perform the mitzvah the same way passionately Zionist Jews do, with the same meanings and intentions behind it. It is performed the same way in Israel and out, and has been more or less the same for the last several thousand years. It is about ritual purification and sanctification of the mundane, no more and no less.

There is a word for saying anything and everything Jewish is actually about the modern Israel/Palestine conflict, simply because it’s Jewish.

That word is antisemitism.

How to Make Mikveh a Non-Zionist Ritual: Reject all colonial projects by learning about, naming & honoring, and materially supporting the communities indigenous to the land where you hold your mikveh. Name and thank the Indigenous people of the land you are going to do your mikveh on.

If you removed the “non-Zionist” description, this would be mostly unobjectionable. We should absolutely help indigenous communities. The framing of “reject all colonial projects” does seem to suggest that there is something colonial about the usual practice of going to the mikvah, though. I would argue that the mikvah is, in fact, anti-colonial if anything—it is the practice of a consistently oppressed minority ethno-religion which has kept it in practice despite the best efforts of multiple empires. Additionally, while Zionism means many different things to those who believe in it, at its root most Zionists (myself included) define it as “the belief that Jews have a right to self-determination in our indigenous homeland.” Our indigenous homeland being, of course, the land of Israel. (This is different from the State of Israel, which is the modern country on that land.) If you are a Jew in Israel, one of the indigenous peoples of the land your mikvah is on is your own. That’s not to say there aren’t others—but to claim Jews aren’t indigenous to the region is to be either misinformed or disingenuous.

Take the time to vision [sic] our world to come in which Palestine and all people are free.

I really, really dislike how they use the concept of The World To Come here. The Jewish idea of The World To Come (AKA the Messianic Age) is one where the Messiah has come, the Temple has been rebuilt, and the Davidic dynastic monarchy has been re-established in the land of Israel. Arguably that’s the most Zionist vision imaginable. This isn’t to say that all people, Palestinians included, won’t be free—true peace and harmony are also generally accepted features of the Messianic Age. But using the phrase in making something “non-Zionist” is, at the very least, in extremely poor taste. (As a side note, even religious non-Zionists believe in this–that’s actually why most of them are against the State of Israel, as they believe we can’t have sovereignty until the Messiah comes. They do generally believe we will eventually have sovereignty, just that now isn’t the time for it.)

Hold and explore this vision intimately as you prepare to immerse. What is one action you can take to bring this future world closer? Trust that your vision is collaborating with countless others doing this work.

Having a “vision” of a world where all are free isn’t doing any of the work to accomplish it. A “vision” can’t collaborate. At least not in Judaism. This sounds like one is trying to manifest the change through force of will, which is something directly out of the New Age faith movement, where it is known as “Creative Visualization.” Even when we do have a concept of bringing about something positive through an unrelated action–like saying psalms for someone who is sick–the idea is that you are doing a mitzvah on their behalf, to add to their merits counted in their favor. It’s not a form of magic or invocation of some mystical energy.

(Once again: I have nothing against pagans. But paganism is incompatible with Judaism. You can’t be both, any more than you can be Jewish and Christian.)

Use mikveh practice to ground into your contribution to the abundant work for liberation being done. We are many.

If you will once more pardon a brief switch to a casual tone:

Nothing says liberation like *checks notes* appropriating a minority cultural practice.

The next section of their document is titled “Ideas for Mikveh Ritual,” and this is where the Neo-Pagan and New Age influences of the authors truly shift from the background to the foreground.  

We start off deceptively reasonably.

Mikveh ritual is potentially very simple. Generally people consider a mikveh to be a full immersion in water, where you are floating in the water, not touching the bottom, with no part of the body above the surface (including the hair).

Technically, most people consider a mikveh to be a ritual bath (noun) in which one performs various Jewish ritual immersions. But if we set this aside as a typo, this is…fairly true. What they are describing is how one is supposed to perform the mitzvah of mikveh immersion. However, in much the same way I wouldn’t say “generally people consider baseball to be a game where you hit a ball with a bat and run around a diamond,” I wouldn’t say it’s a case of “generally people consider” so much as “this is what it is.”

This works for some people. It doesn't work for everyone and it doesn't work for all bodies. Because of this, mikveh ritual can be expanded outside of these traditional confines in exciting, creative ways.

Once again, if you are incapable of performing mikvah immersion in the proper manner, please go speak with a rabbi. Please do not follow this guide.

Before we continue, I would just like to assure you that. whatever “exciting, creative ways” you might be imagining the authors have come up with, this is so much worse.

Method One:

Sound Mikveh: One way that's felt very meaningful for many is a "sound mikveh." This can be a group of people toning, harmonizing, or chanting in a circle. One person at a time can be in the center of the circle and feel the vibrations of healing sound wash over their body. Another method of sound mikveh is to use a shofar or other instrument of your lineage to made [sic] sounds that reach a body of water and also wash over you.

This makes me so uncomfortable I barely have the words to describe it, and I know that I am not alone in this. This is not a mikvah. If someone wants to do some sort of sound-based healing ritual, by all means go ahead, but do not call it a mikvah. This is not Jewish. I don’t know what this is, aside from deeply offensive.

And leave that poor shofar out of this. That ram did not give his horn for this nonsense.

(I could go on about the actual sacred purpose of a shofar and all the rules and reasons behind it that expand upon this, but this is already over 9000 words.)

Method Two is, if anything, worse. This is the one, if you’ve seen social media posts about this topic, you have most likely seen people going nuts about.

Tea Cup Mikveh: Fill a special teacup. If you want, add flower essence, a small stone, or other special elements. Sing the teacup a sweet song, dance around it, cry in some tears, tell the cup a tender and hopeful story, hold the teacup above the body of your animal friend for extra blessing, balance it on your head to call in your highest self. Use the holy contents of this teacup to make contact with water.

This is absolutely 100% straight-up neo-pagan/New Age mysticism. Nothing about this is based on Jewish practice of any kind. Again, I’m at a loss for words of how to explain just how antithetical this is. If you want to be a witch, go ahead and be a witch. But do not call it Jewish. Leave Judaism out of this.

They end this suggestion with the cute comment,

Mikveh to go. We’ve always been people on the move.

Let me explain why this “fun” little comment fills me with rage. 

As you may recall, this document was published by Jewish Voice for Peace. Among their various other acts of promoting and justifying antisemitism, JVP has repeatedly engaged in historical revisionism regarding Jews and Jewish history. In this context, they have repeatedly ignored the numerous expulsions of Jews from various countries, and blaming sinister Zionist plots to explain any movement of expelled Jews to Israel (“In the early 1950s, starting two years after the Nakba, the Israeli government facilitated a mass immigration of Mizrahim,” from “Our Approach to Zionism” on the JVP website; see @is-the-thing-actually-jewish’s post on JVP and the posts linked from there).

So a document published by JVP framing Jewish movement as some form of free spirited 1970s-esque Bohemian lifestyle or the result of us being busy movers-and-shakers is a direct slap in the face to the persecution we’ve faced as a people and society.  No, we aren’t “on the move” because we’re hippies wandering where the wind takes us . We’re always on the move because we keep getting kicked out and/or hate-crimed until we leave.

But there is no Jew-hatred in Ba Sing Se.

Method three:

Fermentation Mikveh: Some food goes through natural changes by being immersed in water. If we eat that food, we can symbolically go through a change similar to the one the food went through.

Again, this has no basis anywhere in halacha. We do have concepts of “you are what you eat,” specifically with reference to what animals and birds are kosher, but there isn’t any food that makes you tahor if you eat it. In the Temple days there were, in fact, foods you couldn’t eat unless you were tahor.

Jews may like pickles, but that doesn’t mean we think they purify you.

Also, the change from fermentation is, if anything, the opposite of the change we would want. Leavening (rising in dough or batter, due to the fermentation of yeast) is compared in rabbinic writings to arrogance and ego, as opposed to the humility of matza, the “poor man’s bread” (see here, for example). Is the suggestion here to become more egotistical?

As we wrap up this section, I’d like to go back to their stated reason for using these “alternative” methods (“It doesn't work for everyone and it doesn't work for all bodies”), and ask: if these really were the only options for immersion, would these really fill that same spiritual need/niche? These obviously aren’t aimed at me, but from my perspective it seems almost condescending, almost worse. “You can’t do the real thing, so we’ll make up something to make you feel better.” If any of them had an actual basis in Jewish practice, that would be one thing, but this just feels…fake, to me. Even within more liberal / less traditional streams of Judaism, there is a connection to halacha: 

“We each (if we are knowledgeable about the tradition, if we confront it seriously and take its claims and its wisdom seriously) have the ability, the freedom, indeed the responsibility to come to a [potentially differing] personal understanding of what God wants us to do… [Halacha] is a record of how our people, in widely differing times, places and societal circumstances, experienced God's presence in their lives, and responded. Each aspect of halacha is a possible gateway to experience of the holy, the spiritual. Each aspect worked for some Jews, once upon a time, somewhere in our history. Each, therefore, has the potential to open up holiness for people in our time as well, and for me personally. However, each does not have equal claim on us, on me…Portions of the halacha whose main purpose seems to be to distance us from our surroundings no longer seem functional. Yet some parts of the halachic tradition seem perfect correctives to the imbalances of life in modernity…In those parts of tradition, we are sometimes blessed to experience a sense of God's closeness. In my personal life, I emphasize those areas. And other areas of halacha, I de-emphasize, or sometimes abandon. Reform Judaism affirms my right, our right, to make those kinds of choices.” – Rabbi Ramie Arian

“[Traditional Reconstructionist Jews] believe that moral and spiritual faculties are actualized best when the individual makes conscious choices…The individual’s choices, however, can and should not be made alone. Our ethical values and ritual propensities are shaped by the culture and community in which we live. Living a Jewish life, according to the Reconstructionist understanding, means belonging to the Jewish people as a whole and to a particular community of Jews, through which our views of life are shaped. Thus, while Reconstructionist communities are neither authoritarian nor coercive, they aspire to influence the individual’s ethical and ritual choices–through study of Jewish sources, through the sharing of values and experiences, and through the impact of the climate of communal opinion on the individual. …While we may share certain values and life situations, no two sets of circumstances are identical. We hope that the Reconstructionist process works to help people find the right answers for themselves, but we can only assist in helping individuals to ask the right questions so that their choices are made in an informed way within a Jewish context. To be true to ourselves we must understand the differences in perception between us and those who have gone before, while retaining a reverence for the traditions they fashioned. If we can juxtapose those things, we ensure that the past will have [in the phrase of Reconstructionism’s founder, Mordecai Kaplan,] a vote, but not a veto.” – Rabbi Jacob J. Straub (Note: the Reconstructionist movement was founded in the late 1920s, and has gone through a very large shift in the past decade or so. I use “Traditional” here to refer to the original version of the movement as opposed to those who have shifted. Both are still called Reconstructionist, so it’s a bit confusing. This is on the advice of one of my editors, who is themself Traditional Reconstructionist.)

You may note, neither of these talk about inventing things from whole cloth. To paraphrase one of my editors, “You don’t completely abandon [halacha], because if you did how would you have a cohesive community? Even in a ‘do what’s meaningful’ framework, you’re taking from the buffet, not bringing something to a potluck. Even if you don’t see halacha as binding, there are limits.”

(Again, disclaimer that the above knowledge of non-Orthodox movements comes from my editors, and any errors are mine.)

The next section is “Prayers for Mikveh.”

As a note, I’m going to censor the names of God when I quote actual blessings, as per traditional/Halachic practice. I’ll be putting brackets to indicate my alterations.

I’m not going to go much into detail here, because frankly my Hebrew isn’t good enough, and the six different people I asked for help gave me at least six different answers, but I will touch on it a bit.

First, the Guide gives a link to an article on Traditional Mikveh Blessings from Ritualwell (here is a link on the Wayback Machine, since the original requires you to make an account). Ritualwell is a Reconstructionist Jewish website, and accepts reviewed submissions. Here is their about page. The blessings on this page, as far as I know, are in fact exactly what it says on the tin. I’m not sure the first one, asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al ha-t’vilah, is said for non-obligatory immersions (i.e. not for niddah or conversion), as it is literally a blessing on the commandment. The second blessing at that link is Shehecheyanu, which the Guide also suggests as a good prayer. This is the traditional form of the blessing, given at Ritualwell:

Baruch Atah Ado[-]nai Elo[k]eynu Melech Ha-Olam shehekheyanu v’kiyimanu v’higiyanu lazman hazeh.

Blessed are You, [LORD] our God, Monarch of the universe, Who has kept us alive and sustained us, and brought us to this season.

(As a quick note, you may notice this is not quite how they translate it on Ritualwell–I have no idea why they say “kept me alive,” as it’s definitely “us” in the Hebrew. There’s a long tradition, in fact, of praying for the community rather than ourselves as an individual, but that’s not the point of this post.)

The Guide, however, gives an alternate form:

B’rucha At y[-]a Elo[k]eynu Ruakh haolam shehekheyatnu v’kiyimatnu v’higiyatnu lazman hazeh. You are Blessed, Our God, Spirit of the World, who has kept us in life and sustained us, enabling us to reach this season.

Under the assumption that most of you don’t know Hebrew, I’m going to break this down further. The main difference between these two is grammatical gender–the traditional blessing uses masculine forms, which is common when referring to God. However, while there are often masculine descriptions of God, it is worth noting that Hashem is very specifically not a “man”--God is genderless and beyond our comprehension, and masculine is also used in Hebrew for neutral or unspecified gender. A whole discussion of gender and language is also beyond the scope of this post, but for now let’s leave it at: changing the gender for God in prayer is pretty common among less traditional Jews, and that’s fine. Some of the changes they make (or don’t make) here are interesting, though. The two letter name of God they switch to is–despite ending in a hey (the “h” letter)–not feminine grammatically feminine. I’m told, however, that some progressive circles consider it neutral because it “sounds feminine.” “Elo-keynu” is also grammatically masculine, but a) that’s used for neuter in Hebrew and b) it’s also technically plural, so maybe they didn’t feel the need to change it. Though if that’s the case I would also have thought that Ado-nai (the tetragrammaton) would be fine, as it’s also technically male in the same way. I’m also not sure why they didn’t just change ”Melech HaOlam” to “Malkah HaOlam,” which would be the feminine form of the original words, but perhaps they were avoiding language of monarchy. It’s apparently a not uncommon thing to change.

One of the responses I got said the vowels in the verbs were slightly off, but I can’t say much above that, for the reasons given at the beginning of this section.

Also, and this is comparatively minor, the capitalization in the transliteration is bizarre. They capitalize “At” (you) and “Elo[k]eynu” (our God), but not “y[-]a…” which is the actual name of God in the blessing and should definitely be capitalized if you are capitalizing.

The Guide next gives a second blessing that can be used:

B’rucha at shekhinah eloteinu ruach ha-olam asher kid-shanu bi-tevilah b’mayyim hayyim. Blessed are You, Shekhinah, Source of Life, Who blesses us by embracing us in living waters. -Adapted by Dori Midnight 

The main thing I want to note about this is that…that’s not an accurate translation. It completely skips the word “eloteinu.” “Ruach ha-olam” means “spirit/breath of the universe/world,” not “Source of Life,” which would be “M’kor Ha-Olam,” as mentioned above. “Kid-shanu,” as she transliterates it, means “has sanctified us,” or “has made us holy,” not “blesses us”--both the tense and the word are wrong. “Bi-tevilah” doesn’t mean “embracing us,” either, it means “with immersing.” In full, the translation should be:

“Blessed are You, Shekhinah, our God, Spirit of the World, Who has sanctified us with immersion in living waters.”

The Shekhinah is an aspect/name of God(dess), though not a Name to the same level as the ones that can’t be taken in vain. It refers to the hidden Presence of God(dess) in our world, and is the feminine aspect of God(dess), inasmuch as God(dess) has gendered aspects–remember, our God(dess) is One. It’s not an unreasonable Name to use if you are trying to make a prayer specifically feminine.

(Though do be careful if you see it used in a blessing in the wild, because Messianics use it to mean the holy ghost.)

“Eloteinu” is, grammatically, the feminine form of Elokeinu (according to the fluent speakers I asked, though again I got several responses).

It is, again, odd that they don’t capitalize transliterated names of God, though here there is more of an argument that it’s a stylistic choice, Hebrew not having capital letters.

The Guide then repeats the link for Ritualwell.

Finally, we come to the last section, “Resources and Our Sources:”

First, they credit the Kohenet Institute and two of its founders. I do not want to go on a deepdive into the Kohenet Institute also, as this is already long enough, but I suppose I should say a bit.

The Kohenet Institute was a “clergy ordination program, a sisterhood / siblinghood, and an organization working to change the face of Judaism. For 18 years, Kohenet Hebrew Priestess Institutes founders, graduates and students reclaimed and innovated embodied, earth-based feminist Judaism, drawing from ways that women and other marginalized people led Jewish ritual across time and space” (Kohenet Hebrew Priestess Institute Homepage). It closed in 2023.

I have difficulty explaining my feelings about the Kohenet Institute. On the one hand, the people who founded it and were involved in it, I’m sure, were very invested in Judaism and very passionate in their belief. As with the authors of the Guide, I do not mean to attack them–I’m sure they’re lovely people.

On the other, I have trouble finding a basis for any of their practices, and most of what practices I do find trouble me–again, with the caveat that I am very much not into mysticism, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

Of the three founders, only one (Rabbi Jill Hammer) seems to have much in the way of scholarly background. Rabbi Hammer, who was ordained at the Jewish Theological Seminary (a perfectly respectable school), has at least one article where she quotes the New Testament and a Roman satirist making fun of a Jewish begger who interpret dreams for money as proof “that Jewish prophetesses existed in Roman times,” which to me at least seems like saying that the Roma have a tradition of seeresses based on racist caricatures of what they had to do to survive, if you’ll pardon the comparison. In the same article, she says that Sarah and Abigail, who are listed in the Talmud as prophetesses “are not actually prophetesses as I conceptualize them here,” (pg 106) but that “abolitionist Ernestine Rose, anarchist Emma Goldman, and feminist Betty Friedan stand in the prophetic tradition.” Given God says explicitly in the text, “Regarding all that Sarah tells you, listen to her voice” (Genesis 21:12), I have no idea where she gets this.

The second founder, Taya Mâ Shere, describes the Institute on her website as “spiritual leadership training for women & genderqueer folk embracing the Goddess in a Jewish context,” which to me is blatantly what I and some of my editors have taken to calling Jews For Lilith. Now, it is possible this is a typo. However assuming it is not, and it would be a weird typo to have, this rather clearly reads as “the Goddess” being something one is adding a Jewish context to–which is exactly what I mean when I say this guide is taking Paganism and sprinkling a little Judaism on it. If it had said “embracing Goddess in a Jewish context,” I’d have no problem (aside from weird phrasing)--but “the Goddess” is very much a “divine feminine neo-pagan” kind of thing. We don’t say “the God” in Judaism, or at least I’ve never heard anyone do so. We just say God (or Goddess), because there’s only the one. In fact, according to this article, she returned to Judaism from neo-Paganism, and “began to combine the Goddess-centered practices she had co-created in Philadelphia with what she was learning from teachers in the Jewish Renewal movement, applying her use of the term Goddess to Judaism’s deity.” The “Goddess-centered practices” and commune in Philadelphia are described earlier in the article as “influenced by Wiccan and Native American traditions, in ways that Shere now considers appropriative (“After Kohenet, Who Will Lead the Priestesses?” by Noah Phillips).” I’m not sure how it suddenly isn’t appropriative now, but taking the Pagan practices you were doing and now doing those exact same rituals “but Jewish” is, in fact, still Pagan.

Shere also sells “Divining Pleasure: An Oracle for SephErotic Liberation,” created by her and Bekah Starr, which is a “divination card deck and an Omer counter inviting you more deeply into your body, your pleasure and your devotion to collective liberation.”

I hate this.

I hate this so much.

For those who don’t know, the Omer is the period between the second day of Passover and the holiday of Shavuot, 50 days later. It’s named for the Omer offering that was given on Passover, and which started the count of seven weeks (and a day, the day being Shavuot). The Omer, or at least part of it, is also traditionally a period of mourning, much like the Three Weeks between the fasts of the 17th of Tammuz and the 9th of Av–we don’t have weddings, we don’t listen to live music, we don’t cut our hair. It commemorates (primarily) the deaths of 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva in a plague (possibly a metaphor for persecution or the defeat of the Bar Kochba revolt). It is often used as a time for introspection and self-improvement, using seven of the Kabbalistic Sephirot as guides (each day of the week is given a Sephira, as is each week, so each day of the 49 is x of y, see here). It’s not, as Shere’s class “Sex and the Sephirot: A Pleasure Journey Through the Omer” puts it, a time to “engage…toward experiencing greater erotic presence, deepening our commitment to nourishing eros, and embracing ritual practices of…pleasure.”

The final of the founders, Shoshana Jedwab, seems to be primarily a musician. In her bio on her website, scholarship and teaching are almost afterthoughts. I can find nothing about her background or classes. She’s also, from what I’ve found, the creator of the “sound mikvah.”

So all in all, while I’m sure they’re lovely people, I find it difficult to believe that they are basing their Institute on actual practices, particularly given they apparently include worship of Ashera as an “authentic” Jewish practice, see the above Phillips article and this tumblr post.

The institute also lists classes they offered, which “were open to those across faith practices - no background in Judaism necessary.” If you scroll down the page, you will see one of these courses was titled “Sefer Yetzirah: Meditation, Magic, & the Cosmic Architecture.” Sefer Yetzirah, for those of you unaware, “is an ancient and foundational work of Jewish mysticism.”

You may recall my saying something some 5700 (yikes) words ago about Jewish mysticism (i.e. Kabbalah) being a closed practice.

You may see why I find the Kohenet Institute problematic.

I will grant, however, that I have not listened to their podcasts nor read their books, so it is possible they do have a basis for what they teach. From articles I’ve read, and what I’ve found on their websites, I am unconvinced.

Returning to our original document, the Guide next gives several links from Ritualwell, which I’ve already discussed above. After those, they give links to two actual mikvah organizations: Mayyim Hayyim and Immerse NYC. Both are reputable organizations, and are Open Mikvahs. Neither (at least based on their websites) seem to recommend any of the nonsense in this Guide. In fact, Mayyim Hayyim explicitly does not allow non-Jews to immerse (unless it’s to convert). ImmerseNYC has advice to create a ritual in an actually Jewish way. I would say the link to these two groups are, perhaps, the only worthwhile information in this Guide.

They then list a few “mikveh related projects,” two of which are by the writers. The first, Queer Mikveh Project, is by one of the authors, Rebekah Erev. The link they give is old and no longer works, but on Erev’s website there is information about the project. Much of the language is similar to that in this guide. The page also mentions a “mikvah” ritual done to protest the Dakota Access Pipeline, in which “the mikveh…[was] completely optional.” And, of course, there was an altar. The second project, the “Gay Bathhouse” by (I believe) the other author and Shelby Handler, is explicitly an art installation.

The final link is to this website (thanks to the tumblr anon who found it), which is the only source we’ve been able to find on Shekinah Ministries (aside from a LOT of Messianic BS from unrelated organizations of the same name). So good news–this isn’t a Messianic. Bad news, it also seems to have a shaky basis in actual Jewish practice at best. It is run by artist Reena Katz, aka Radiodress, whose MKV ritual is, like “Gay Bathhouse,” a performance project. As you can see from the pictures on Radiodress’s website (cw for non-sexual nudity and mention of bodily fluids), it is done in a clearly portable tub in a gallery. As part of the process, participants are invited to “add any material from their body,” including “spit, urine, ejaculate, menstrual blood,” “any medication, any hormones they might be taking,” and supplies Radiodress offers including something called “Malakh Shmundie,” “a healing tincture that translates to “angel pussy” made by performance artist Nomy Lamm” (quotes from “An Artist’s Ritual Bath for Trans and Queer Communities” by Caoimhe Morgan-Feir). The bath is also filled by hand, which is very much not in line with halacha. Which, if you’re doing performance art, is fine.

But this Guide is ostensibly for authentic Jewish religious practice.

And with that (aside from the acknowledgements, which I don’t feel the need to analyze), we are done. At last.

Thank you for reading this monster of a post. If you have made it this far, you and I are now Family. Grab a snack on your way out, you deserve it.

Further Reading and Resources:

https://www.mayyimhayyim.org/risingtide/members/

https://www.mikvah.org/directory

https://www.mayyimhayyim.org/

http://www.immersenyc.org/

https://aish.com/what-is-a-mikveh/

https://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article_cdo/aid/1541/jewish/The-Mikvah.htm

https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/1230791/jewish/Immersion-of-Vessels-Tevilat-Keilim.htm

https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/why-immerse-in-the-mikveh/

Meth, Rabbi Ephraim. 50 Mikvahs That Shaped History. Feldheim Publishers, 2023.

[scam-alerts]

❗❗Scam Update❗❗

Previously on... 🔎Scam Exam(ination)🔍

Seen as: I would like a commission of my son/pet... Scam Type: Commission Scam

Please read this post for a complete rundown of this scam.

While browsing #scams on tumblr earlier today, I saw a post from the wonderful and very talented @louksna-0 where they were calling out a scam account that seemed to be running the art commission scam.

After messaging them.. I found out something... interesting.

The scammers are now changing their script.

@louksna-0 was kind enough to answer some questions and help explain their interactions with this scammer with me, and even provided me with some screenshots which I'll show you all as well.

----------

Part 1 - How it start(s/ed)

Note: @louksna-0 has told me that due to being blocked, they cannot access their conversation with this scammer, but they were kind enough to detail their conversation with me to the best of their ability. :)

@scam-alerts: When this person messaged you for a commission, what did they ask you to draw? What was your response, and what sort of images did they provide?

@louksna-0: They asked me to draw two cartoon portraits of a girl with blue eyes and blonde hair, it was 2 photos, but the second seemed to be taken from a video, not a photo itself. I told her alright, the two were separate drawings, one for $18, the other $20. $38 in the end. She started pressuring me for the details of the commission to get the process finished, being cold and even rude.

@scam-alerts: Did you tell them a price first, or did they offer you money first? Was this amount higher than normal, or was it the price of your commissions?

@louksna-0: I told them the price first, they didn't offer a price to pay. They were pressuring me to tell them the final price.

@louksna-0: I say them because although the profile seems like a girl. Her account of PayPal, email confirmation and Tumblr were all different. So I can't really say their gender. Her profile said Elizabeth, her email said mayes Mary, and her PayPal account said Margaret castro.

These were the screenshots provided to me:

image 1 - The scammer getting very persistent in having @louksna-0 check their spam email for confirmation that the money was sent.

image 2 - The different names that appear on the PayPal, blog, and email (in that order.)

Image 3 - A screenshot of the fake email. (the same exact one that can be seen in the previous scam exam(ination) report.

Image 4 - This one is.. odd. @louksna-0 says that this was sent to them by the same email with a request telling them to send a refund, yet it has a very odd and fishy looking link. (they did not click on it.)

----------

Part 2 - Examining the Evidence

From what it looks like, the scam is pretty much the same 'I want you to draw my <thing>' scam except now they've switched from:

can you draw my son / daughter / pet. to can you draw this cartoon character*

*They might look at blogs now and see what an artists 'style' is to get a grasp on what an artist can do before trying to run this scam? Since not all artists can draw kids and/or pets? So that might be worth keeping an eye on.

They've also switched from:

Offering you a very large amount of money. to accepting commission prices to seem unsuspicious.

----------

Part 3 - What you should do now

🚩Red flags still present🚩

Blogs sending these asks are either blank or bare in one way in another. Little to no reblogs, maybe 'one' picture or two posted. In this case the scammer just had a picture of a dog that probably isn't even theirs.

They will refuse to pay with any other method than PayPal.

The purpose of asking for your real name and your PayPal email is just so they can make a fake email to scam you.

Stop. Read the email very carefully. Think about what it's asking you.

'you are to send (name) money to expand your account.' You are to send someone money, to get money.

You can't just 'expand' your account by sending another user money. That's not how PayPal works.

Emails from these scammers will always show up in your spam folder because they are not from the real PayPal service. They are 100% fake. Only trust emails about PayPal from a @paypal.com email address. Any email claiming to be from PayPal ending in a gmail/hotmail/yahoo.com address is. a. scam.

Always check your PayPal account via the website or App for issues before responding to someone and certainly before sending anyone money. If you see no issues, there are no issues.

Never click links in an email you get during or after interacting with a stranger when money is involved. If someone asks: 'did you get the email?' Check your spam folder.' Make sure you click the link to fix your account.' It's a scam. And they're probably trying to hack you.

----------

Final thoughts:

Remember, take screenshots and report these users to the websites they are running these scams on. If they DM you on tumblr? Report the DM. If they do it on insta, bsky, twitter or even discord?

Make sure you report them there too.

ALSO: Beware of recovery scammers. This is anyone coming into your DM's telling you they can 'help you get your money back' after you made a post talking about how you got scammed. These scammers are just looking for a quick buck.

I've got a whole post right here talking about what one looks like.

Take care and stay vigilant.

And thanks again to @louksna-0 for being a dear. <3

Other helpful guides on spotting scams. (by @kyra45)

[leewonkyeom]

027: entering private property in 3... 2... 1

light a flame [27/51]

☆ summary: when your roommate quits his job at the coffee shop you frequent you never imagined the new guy would be hot or even your type. to make matters worse you both study law at the same university.

your friends to try to convince you to get together with him. you try to convince them you just find him really nice... but are you able to convince yourself?

previous | masterlist | next

continues below the cut

y/n, mingyu

yn: hi, mingyu. what's up?

mg: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "what's up?

yn: you called me, didn't you?

mg: oh. that's right. so you really don't know?

yn: know what?

mg: what's "hbg"s real name?

yn: oh come on. i've probably told you a million times

mg: you have not

yn: sure, i have?

mg: is it wonwoo or jihoon?

yn: who's jihoon?

mg: his roommate

yn: is he?

mg: ask him

yn: yeah, sure. i'll just waltz into his bathroom while he's showering to ask him... wait. he's done. wait two seconds

mg: okay?

[...]

yn: how did you know what his roommate's name is? that is super creepy

mg: because... he's also MY roommate

yn: you're fucking with me

mg: i'm not. that's why i called. i recognized my own living room

yn: wait. aren't you at seokmin's?

mg: yes. why?

yn: SOONYOUNG IS FEEDING YOU INFORMATION TO FUCK WITH ME

mg: what?

yn: it's the only logical explanation. we would have known if you knew wonwoo

mg: only we did not. he's my best friend. yn i'm serious

yn: *laughter* no way... i'm texting seokmin

mg: go ahead

yn: i still don't believe you

mg: go check my room

yn: i can't go into a strangers room!

mg: it's not. it's mine

yn: if you describe this place with enough detail, i'll do it

mg: if you go into the hallway, the one with the bathroom at the end of it... it's the only hallway really. it's the second door on the left

yn: you're not mixing up your lefts and rights?

mg: i'm sure

yn: okay. entering private property in 3... 2... 1 *click*

mg: you see?

[...]

yn: aww, you have a picture of you, me and seokmin on your desk!

mg: shit... i forgot about that

yn: no, it's cute. don't worry about it. i'm sorry i didn't believe you, mingyu, but are you really that unobservant?

mg: apparently. no wonder seungkwan knew...

yn: what?

mg: oh nothing. by the way, if you need somewhere to sleep tonight, you can borrow my room

yn: thank you! i'll change the sheets and leave your stuff alone, so don't worry

mg: i wasn't worried before now...

yn: SHIT!

mg: what's happening?

yn: wonwoo's wondering where i am. i have to explain this to him... love you. bye!!

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☆ a/n: okay so👀👀 hope y'all were happy you werw right😌😌 also, mingyu needs some time to process, so stay tuned for thursday👀 as always, i hope you enjoyed this part, and i always appreciate likes, comments and reblogs!♡

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[99redragons]

Wow, I agonized over this post way too long. Here it is, finally. I was gonna make this a reblog but i think since it's referencing multiple posts (and boy it got super long and added a related theory) this is better on its own. This is furthering @gin-juice-tonic's analysis of the tBoB journal pages. Heavy tBoB spoilers, and warning for the darker content it has. (some swearing too) I'm convinced now they're a warped version of events and downright fake for some, however, I believe many are real.

...But did Ford remember them? "I can delete memories randomly, just for fun. Maybe I already have." I do NOT think Bill could erase everything. He probably can only erase small/recent sections. But this is a big part of my theory.

But first, Gin's points. (using some of your pics for this Gin, hope you dont mind) I'm not going to post every journal page, but I'll give a ref for ones that seem important.

Okay, this is the post that actually convinced me (went through the links from tapas, the first is sure suspicious, but the second has pretty compelling evidence.) Ford referred to Fiddleford as F through the whole of journal 3 (aside from in code), and Bill as his Muse until the reveal, he wouldn't suddenly change the way he refers to people, even if he planned to rip out the pages, in which case, why would you write them in the first place?

On the first link (this one), this appears to be an embellished story. When you look at it from bill's perspective, he's reminiscing. He lies to himself. He's making it seem like Ford and Bill hit it off immediately, and while in a way, they did, it probably wasn't like this. I'll buy Ford used Cipher's line back at him, but the jovial way they banter is just so Bill. Ford would emphasize how he felt, the mysteries he was thinking about, his reverence for his Muse. He probably wouldn't recount it line for line when he was so secretive in journal 3. Bill makes it seem like they were more like equals, when in reality he likely relished the devotion and divine status Ford attributed to him. Also, "Cipher Speaks" is in Bill's handwriting from the sticky notes. could be coincidence? I think not. 'Ford' also describes it as the "GREATEST. DAY. OF MY LIFE." This mirrors bill's earlier statements about the reader's life being forever changed after meeting bill. According to Bill, meeting him is the highest moment of anyone's life, right?

In an additional post, Gin explains how Bill didn't tell Ford he was from another dimension. Ford had to find that out at the betrayal. So, all this taken, those two pages at least are fake.

For the third link, this one, while from Doylist perspective, Alex wanted the book to have fun little callbacks, from Watsonian, Bill simply can't help himself. Bill loves trying to be funny. He's trying to keep the reader hooked, and keeping the story interesting through callbacks is one way to do that. Some of these are Bill, some are self-referential because Bill's talking about real events from the past. (rats, cipherite suit, Small World cassette, we'll get to those later)

Bill has a habit of telling the truth through his lies. What I mean by that is, if he is repeating himself through actions or words, it's probably because there's some truth to it. If he's contradicting himself, there's something he's hiding. He'll claim he has no weaknesses, but later admit he does. He'll say he has no exes, only to reference exes later. So, we can glean truths from the lies he's telling in the pages.

I think Alex is a good enough writer to keep Ford and his writing (mostly) in character. He's made retcons/continuity errors before, but he knows the fandom will pick apart everything and find them, and will have a reason for it. There's definitely some fake pages, which begs the question, which are real?

One detail I want to point out is the vignette/burn marks on the edges of some of the pages. My secondary theory is about these. (And no, it doesn't indicate they were fake.) I'll explain later.

Assumptions/disclaimers: The pages we're shown are roughly chronological, though skip forward where surviving J3 pages would go. Pages aren't realistically double-sided like they would be in J3, these are inserted into tBoB magically. I don't have a blacklight version of J3, so I'm probably missing a little bit of context there. References J3 quite a few times, so this post works best if you are able to reference both books. I can go into detail and post more pictures for any sections that aren't clear.

First off, 'Lost in the woods'. This one I believe is real, because Ford's (author's cipher) codes are in it. This code is consistently used in the book whenever Ford inserts a page, even on the moth. For Bill to use this code would break the established pattern Alex has made. However, I agree with Gin that Bill intentionally placed this page to establish Ford as lonely, and thus make Bill look better for befriending him in contrast. I don't think it's that odd for Ford to talk about his social awkwardness, he talks about his childhood bullying pretty frankly, specifically on a page meant to be an author's About Me. However, he did rip this one out, so I think he was trying to ignore his feelings by hiding this page. No vignette.

'Cipher speaks', as we've discussed, is likely a fake/altered meeting. Vignettes on both pages. On the second page you can see where it looks burnt in one corner, and there's even tear marks like there's a page missing there, perhaps their real first meeting. It's also strange for Ford to draw himself like that.

'My Muse & Me'- Ford refers to Bill as his Muse again. Despite my doubts (I went back and forth on this one), I think this one has to be real. We find on the website computer (code: Fordtramarine) that Ford tried to submit a paper on fordtramarine. In that paper he refers to an 'extradimensional entity' and 'two-dimensional'. He shouldn't know that Bill is interdimensional at this point, so Ford must mean 'outside of physical reality', as in, the astral plane. Though, there's a painting of 'a muse' in the paper. Wasn't Bill supposed to be secret? Perhaps he thought he could get away with that small reference? Perhaps this paper was submitted more recently? I don't like the idea that things from the website are also fake, since it would be strange for Bill to have such narrative control there. The website seems to reveal things Bill can't control, even if Bill is talking. This page also establishes more timeline. This is saying that not only could Bill freely move in and out of Ford's mind within a year, he had full access to alter it as well, ahead of their deal before the test. This page is probably to make it seem appealing to let Bill into your mind. It also serves a purpose of showing us Ford had let Bill fully into his mind at this point in the story Bill's weaving. I am curious why would Ford hide this only to submit a paper on it, just to keep his Muse secret? And those damn red triangles, did Bill draw those, implying he could possess Ford before their deal? No burns/vignette. The neighboring pages both have it, why not this one?

June 15th- There is direct dialogue from Bill quoted, however, he refers to Bill as his Muse. Wouldn't Ford be creeped the hell out by the rat thing, and be alarmed that Bill possessed things just to kill them? I think this page was real, but was ripped out by Bill. Heavy vignette.

(Sorry for the poor quality, my phone camera is awful)

At this point I should explain: I think the burn/vignette represents Bill 'burning away' memories/altering them. Ford's memories, but possibly even the reader's. I want to be clear; I don't mean Bill erased the entire memory of the page, I mean Bill erased at least some part of those events. When it's heavy around the edges, heavier manipulation. It also could indicate which ones Bill burned/destroyed. More evidence for this later.

Karaoke page- How did Bill convince Ford to drink with him after the rat thing? Bill made him forget it was Bill. "The rats were his idea?" Yeah, he told you that right away, why did he need to tell you again? While probable this happened, the writing from Ford is sus. "This Bill guy, he's really got it all figured out"? Sounds a bit like Bill talking. The drawing is strangely detailed, too. 'Dancing queen' (disco girl's parody origin) was released in '76, so that lines up time wise, at least. Likely altered/created to make Bill seem friendlier. Either could have destroyed this one if there was a real version. Vignette.

A Voice from the Past spread- He says 'my Muse', but then mentions Bill by name, which indicates it's altered. Is the first bit real, then? Why would Ford rip out this important page revealing his muse's origin and past? His curiosity would overtake wanting to keep it secret, surely? And conversely, why would Bill fabricate it? To make himself seem more sympathetic? However, there is another explanation. There is the possibility Bill erased the memories of this conversation and it really happened in some form. Bill probably realized after revealing this information to Ford it could ruin his plans. Some vignette at the top, mostly on the right page. In that is a drawing of space and a code. The code says 'forget the past." Coincidence, or purposeful on a page for a conversation Bill made Ford forget? Bill could have ripped out the pages (if they existed) himself. It's also important to note Bill is trying to isolate Ford here, which is another reason he'd hide the pages/alter memories of talking about Stanley. Also, if Bill erased the phone number from Ford's mind later, it would make sense why Ford had to send a postcard.

A Winter Break/The Krampus adventure. Where would these pages have gone if they were real? It was January for the test, so it was before the deal, but after the bunker? Gin mentioned it feeling 'off' and strange because it's just Krampus, nothing weird or Gravity Falls-y about it, and I agree. And also, Fidds knocking it out feels... weird. I think that story is fabricated with some real details thrown in. Fidds is noticeably shaken up after, but otherwise the whole story seemed almost whimsical, and just...weird, and not in the GF way. It's fake. Ford goes back inside after looking outside in Time Traveler's Pig. He doesn't come outside onto the porch at all. You could say he comes back out after that, maybe. You could say it's a retcon. But we know the children's footprints were Dipper and Mabel, not random kidnapped kids. (Bill likely wouldn't expect the reader to know this.) My eyes are also drawn to the green and red rectangles. The festive theming bring to mind a Christmas special, and how often are those only partly canon? So, then what's real about it? I believe the gloves, and possibly the snow globe was real, since they come up again later. I believe if there was a monster, Ford (or bill possessing ford 'then-DARKNESS') fought it off, traumatizing Fidds even more. Something made Fidds shaken up. Fidds and Ford probably spent Christmas together. And Bill did warn Ford about Fidds' second thoughts (mentioned in J3). Did Fiddleford notice Ford forgetting things? Did he assume Ford was simply unshaken by what happened? For me what seals the deal is the heavy vignette around those pages. Bill altered his memories of what happened and is telling us this story instead, probably to make it seem not as bad, so Ford wouldn't be so angry that Bill wasn't there/realize that he possessed Ford. I'm also suspicious of the "Trust No One." at the end. Did this phrase really come from Bill? Wouldn't Bill be saying 'Trust me'? To be honest, it's possible the last page here was half a real conversation, but the way Ford suddenly changes his tune is strange AF and I suspect shenanigans for it. And the things Bill says are very different from 'F is not bold enough to follow through.' (J3 code, An Encounter) Also, most of these pages seem to have no reason to be ripped out, aside from mentioning Stan by name/drawing them, but he could have crossed that out, and the last page which Ford would have hidden from Fidds. If they were real in some form, Bill probably destroyed them to hide the truth.

Stanley memories pages- Real, not much to say about those. Goes after Bill's warning. Probably legitimately torn out by Ford since he'd want to keep these pictures before hiding J3. Though I do notice they are covering up a lot of red triangles, perhaps also drawn by Bill. No vignette.

Dream, or warning?- Before Jan. 17th. Real, since I can't see why Bill would make up a warning about himself. He wants the reader to trust him. The heavy vignette, again, indicates he made Ford forget about it and destroyed the pages before he could solve it, which would probably be easy since it was a dream. The laughter+fire at the end indicates Bill discovered them. Just a fun side note: the song referenced is 'Im your puppet'

"I was wrong about everything" spread- I think goes in the gap where the black scribbled out pages are in J3. Again, the Author's cipher is here, indicating these are real. Vignette again. Bill's possessing Ford a lot, trying to erase the idea of fighting back from his mind(unsuccessfully), likely also hiding these pages. More red triangles.

Bill-proof suit- Goes after The Blind Eye- references being banned from the library, Blind eye mentions still researching Bill. J3 said he discovered the chant to enter someone's mind by researching Bill, so he could also find the anti-cipher society and the cassette. Real. Bill likely destroyed these pages and the previous ones to try and slow down Ford and erase his plans to destroy Bill. Vignette.

Zom-bills to Looky Here: After 'Ways to hide', as Zom-bills is written in invisible ink, but before the truck stop. (This would require Ford to have written on the right page first, then Bill tore the rest of these out, but not a huge stretch) Bill is fucking with Ford hard. He's probably taking his anger out on Ford while simultaneously trying to bully and manipulate him like he would do to his henchmaniacs, as he says later. Vignette on most of these- he's constantly possessing Ford and making him black out, trying to manipulate his memory to make him compliant/torture him. Bill likely destroyed the cassette+the memory of it so it couldn't be used against him, as Ford presumably never gets the chance to. Why he's showing the reader this? He thinks it's funny. He could also be hoping to scare the reader, if the reader knows what he's capable of, they'll be more afraid, and fear and love are the same, right? Notably the sticky note page is only a little darkened, probably because Bill genuinely was trying to talk at first. I can't find any evidence that these are fake, but there's no codes indicating they're real either. I think they were real, but Bill destroyed at least some of them.

(Side note: Computer code: Oroborous. Curiously uses Bill's cipher, bill writes in J3 too. These pages are also vignetted. Bill wouldn't like Ford knowing he showed fear. He also purposefully didn't give the reader these 'missing pages', because he hates them and doesn't want to reveal his fear.)

Polaroids- Did Ford destroy this himself like the VHS? Trying to avoid being blamed for things Bill did? Just ashamed/horrified? Curiously, no vignette on the polaroids (this could be just to have the full page visible), or Bill wanted Ford to remember these to have the threat sink in fully. Probably actually happened, Bill doesn't really have a reason to fake these pages as they make him look worse/scarier.

Blackness/'No' pages: This is largely where my theory that vignette=memory manipulation makes the most sense, The darkness overtaking the page represents bill's influence and control, and stops resembling the journal pages much (though it could be invisible ink again). He can mess with Ford's mind as much as he likes. If these pages were ever real, Bill could have destroyed them himself too. Bill's pretty much telling the story here.

Fidds page, S page- Gin made another excellent post pointing out the problems with these. They're a bit redundant when compared to J3, aren't they? And in oddly specific ways. The use of the brother code indicates they're real, though. If Bill erased Ford's memories of these pages, him basically re-writing them makes sense, and also Ford going from 'the caves hold the answer' to 'the caves might hold the answers', the snow going from 'begun to fall' to 'has fallen', and going 'fidds wont speak to me'! instead of 'my assistant has clearly left me'. In some way Ford has probably retained a bit of his plans, but its not a stretch to say he'd loop his train of thought after losing memories. The "I grow maddened" at the edge is very shaky and blurry, which could reflect the shaky and blurry memory.

I also notice (this has probably been pointed out before) now in J3 that only once outside of Gravity Falls (route 14) can Ford plan clearly. Perhaps Cipher's influence is weaker outside the town? It makes sense. if Ford sent the postcard and made his plan while free(ish) of Bill's meddling, that's why Bill couldn't just erase his memory of his plan again.

So...yeah! Some are definitely fake. Some are placed or altered intentionally to serve a narrative. Bill could be manipulating the reader's and ford's memory to have never seen these pages. Some of these memories could have been simply warped, or erased later- not right away. I'll be honest I don't love the implication that Bill can just manipulate Ford's memories freely, so I'm sure there are significant limitations to it. Bill has to stall for the whole book and give away a lot of secrets in order to change the reader's brain enough for him to be satisfied, and even then it's not enough to make the reader give in. Bill's abilities are much less than he purports. He also says that the person can notice his 'tune-ups', so there is only so much he could alter someone's brain before they notice. However, if he's been messing with Ford's head this long, he'd have a big advantage. Is the explanation that Bill erased Ford's memory a little lazy? ...Yeah? But it also kind of heightens how badly Ford was being manipulated and why he got so paranoid and unhinged there. It lets a lot of these puzzle pieces fit together that wouldn't otherwise.

My vignette theory isn't super strong, I'll admit, but I think it definitely indicates something, given some pages don't have it when they could have. They could also simply indicate those pages were burned, though it being on the fake pages makes less sense then. Bill having destroyed the pages himself makes sense for a lot of the pages, but I cant rule out the possibility Ford did destroy some of them out of frustration/shame.

Something I also realized while going through J3 again is how many 'doodles' in J3 involve red triangles. (you can see an example on Frilliam's page) The triangles I assumed were Ford's obsession with Bill, but what if they were Bill's obsession? For another post perhaps.

So, what do y'all think? Ideas? Agree? Disagree? Things I missed? Questions? Something huge that shatters my whole theory? Let me know!

[sp00kies]

I already talked about this in the tags of my reblog to this post, but I wanted to go a little more in depth about why Turbo’s design looks inconsistent in the appearances he has.

Warning this gets long-

Bottom line is, character design is one of the most important things in animation. It has to be complex enough in order to explain something about the character, but it has to be simple enough for a person to animate without dying.

Let’s look the characters of Wreck-it-Ralph for example

When looking at the designs of Ralph, Felix, and the racers, their designs show what their job as game characters is. The racers race, Felix fixes stuff because he looks like a handyman! And Ralph’s large appearance gives the idea of something like Hulk, which he is.

But also, their designs are simple enough to where they have the ability to be animated. Sure, the Sugar Rush characters are complex, but when you really look at their designs, it’s actually not that bad.

Now let’s get onto the man of the hour, Turbo!

Now the way he looks throughout his appearances and why actually make sense if you look at it.

Turbo’s 8-bit design has him with a black helmet peak, one T on his helmet, and red arm stripes.

His character model doesn’t have the peak, but it has arm and leg stripes.

However, his final model in the film doesn’t have any stripes OR the helmet peak. And towards the end, we see he has a T on the back of his helmet.

So why is his design inconsistent? Well like I said, animation simplicity! And it actually makes sense when you think about it.

His 8-Bit design doesn’t have a lot of screen time, meaning they didn’t need to add that much detail to it. Hence why we don’t see the helmet peak and stripes ever again. As well as the T not being on the back of the helmet because majority of the time, Turbo is facing the screen/player.

Now for his final model, the reason for no stripes makes a lot of sense.

Turbo’s total screen time of his real form is only for about 2-3 minutes before getting eaten by the cybug. Meaning the choices for design had to be limited. In his reveal scene, his arms move around a lot when he speaks.

Again, animation costs a lot of money so adding extra details would only add onto the work and stress, with the animators having to keep them consistent with his arms.

So getting rid of the stripes was the best choice for making sure the animators don’t go insane. And the same can be said with the T on the back of his helmet.

It’s towards the end when Turbo fucking dies and even then, it’s a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment. So having it be there for a fraction of a second makes a lot of sense since the next scene, Turbo is dead.

So now to answer why Turbo’s design looks inconsistent when looking at his merchandise: that’s probably because of personal preference on the designer’s half.

Listen, Disney don’t care if it’s accurate. If it’s recognizable enough, people will buy it. And with Turbo, it’s the same thing as us artists: they chose on which design part to keep.

It’s why you’ll see Turbo with stripes, no stripes, T on his helmet, you get the idea.

So TLDR; Turbo’s design looks inconsistent because of animation simplicity, as well as personal preference on whoever is making him.

I just wanted to explain why I think this is the case since a lot of people also question this, so I hoped this answered some of those questions!

[ringsofsaturnnnn]

SATURN

Oh my god I love the crow club thing you came up with! It has such a dark risky air to it (like a casino, I suppose) and I love it.

I'm here to participate!

I'd like to play poker. I'll bet with the light blue chips (which you probably already knew). I'll have a shirly temple to drink please. Details of my order include: going with Armin to see snow for the first time (having already seen it yourself) and playing in it, having a snowball fight, snowmen, pictures, modern au, you can add other characters to the scenario like mikasa or eren if you feel like it (or only include Armin in the scene, that's wonderful too). Gn reader please as best you can, I'll leave the rest up to you.

That's all!

Stay safe lovely, rest well tonight <3

.˚ ❄️┊..⃗. 𝘀𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗱𝗮𝘆 ⌇

a.arlert x gn!reader

𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺 :: introducing your boyfriend to the snow <3

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨(𝘴) :: petnames

𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦 :: ahhh this was so cute! thank you for being so patient with me, april, while i got your request done! this was my first time writing a gn reader, so i hope i did an okay job! the end got a little messy, but i tried. fluff isn’t my forte 😭

© 2023 ringsofsaturn | please don't copy or repost my works! i have not given permission to anyone to repost my works. reblogs/comments/likes are okay!

𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥

tag list :: n/a

it wasn’t fair. it really wasn’t.

his ocean blue eyes were so entrancing that you couldn’t help but stare at them. letting out a soft sigh, you felt yourself get lost within the vastness of blue. if you weren’t careful, you felt like you might get lost at sea gazing into them.

“love? honey? angel? baby? love of my life?” shaking your head, you realized that your boyfriend, armin, was trying to get your attention. his cheeks were a soft pink color, a result of your staring. “oh, sorry. what’s up?” you flashed him one of your million dollar smiles, making his heart melt even more.

“i was just uhm, i was wondering. what’s that?” he pointed outside your window. turning your head, you realized that it had began to snow. laughing, you turned back to him. “min, that’s snow. have you.. have you never seen it before?” when he shook his head you couldn’t help but give him an incredulous look.

“how have you never seen the snow before?!” getting up, you immediately grabbed his hand and started pulling him towards the door. “wait! it’s cold outside! we need to bundle up!” armin exclaimed. groaning, you let go of him so you both could put your coats and hats on. armin was always so worried about you.

“okay, okay. now let’s go!” throwing the door open, you pulled him outside after you. armin was immediately shivering despite his warm hat and coat. without a second thought, you threw your head back and opened your mouth, trying to catch some of the flakes in your mouth.

“love, what are you doing?” armin laughed, his blue eyes watching every move you made. “i’m catching snowflakes.” your explained, tilting your head to look at him. “you try it!” snowflakes had landed on your cheeks and eyelashes. “uhm.. okay?” he mimicked your actions, laughing when a few landed in his mouth. “this.. this is fun!” he smiled.

by the next day, much more snow had gathered. at least three or four inches.

deciding to take advantage of the snow, you hastily pulled on your coat and hat once more. armin was still fast asleep, so you decided you’d leave him be. he could join you later.

rushing outside, you immediately plopped down in the snow, laughing at the coolness that suddenly seeped through your coat. the fluffiness tickled your cheeks and you couldn’t help but close your eyes to help protect them from the blinding white of the snow.

exhaling, you enjoyed the slight sting that shot through your nose when you inhaled once more. continuing to lay there in your own little world, you didn’t even notice that armin had came outside until he was calling your name.

lifting your head, you smiled at him before waving him over. “come here! make a snow angel with me!” while he looked confused, he did as you asked. making his way through the snow, he carefully plopped down beside you. “a snow angel?” he repeated.

nodding, you explained to him what to do. “o-okay.” he followed your directions as you made your own snow angel beside him. once you were both done, you helped each other up. looking down, a smile crossed your face. “look at our snow angels!” you giggled, turning your face to look at him.

his nose and cheeks were a soft pink color as he smiled down at you. “yeah, i see them.” he murmured before pressing his ice cold lips to your cheek. squealing, you immediately scooted away from him. “min! your lips are freezing!” you laughed. armin laughed at your comment, shaking his head. “well it’s cold outside! what do you expect?”

while he spoke, you had carefully made a snowball. once he was done speaking, you threw it at his chest, listening as it hit his coat. “hey!” he gasped. giggling, you immediately took off running. “get back here!” he tried to chase after you as you gathered more snow.

the two of you ran around like little kids, smiles decorating both of your features as you launched snowball after snowball at one another. after a few minutes, you tackled armin into a snow drift. his eyes widened as you landed on top of him.

looking down, you couldn’t help but laugh. both of your chests were heaving as you looked into each other’s eyes. “i love you.” armin whispered before pressing a soft kiss to your lips. returning the kiss, you carefully wrapped your arms around him.

the two of you stayed wrapped in each other’s arms in the snow drift, content smiles on your faces. however, it wasn’t long before you were climbing off of him.

“we should make a snowman!” armin gave you a look, one that you were familiar with. “a snowman?” he echoed. nodding your head, you laughed. “here! i’ll show you how.”

it wasn’t long before the two of you had created a snowman. “and now..” you searched around to find some rocks. once you did, you arranged them to look like eyes and buttons. “we also need sticks!” you gasped before scurrying off to find some sticks. “love?” armin was quick to follow after you.

once you had everything, you reached for armin’s hat. “hey! what are you-“ looking down at you, he frowned. his light blue stocking hat was now in your hands. “give that back.” shaking your head, you placed it on the snowman’s head.

“it’s the snowman’s now!” you laughed.

“you are ridiculous, you know that?”

laughing, you turned your head to look at him. your eyes met and you couldn’t help but sigh happily. snow had began to fall down around you once again, but you didn’t notice. all you could focus on were those ocean blue eyes of his..

main picture & dividers made by :: @strrynigghts

[spagheddiesquash]

so today i was in the mw oc server talking abt some stuff i noticed about jawbone (+ some other theory stuff as well!!)

so first of all. two kind of obvious details:

he is green (“yeah no shit sherlock” i hear u thinking. trust me there is a reason why im pointing it out)

his pupils are triangular. nobody else in the show so far has had triangular pupils. (well. i mean commander tezzoree’s eye has a triangular pupil but she hasnt made an appearance in any episodes yet and i doubt the two characters are connected)

just making this point known for now. we will hold this thought for later in the post.

another thing: so in the ref sheet of him posted to the mw tumblr back in september i believe(?), his name is written as “jawbone (a.k.a. scythelord)”

you know where a character by the name of “scythelord” has shown up already?

on a wanted poster, thats where!! he has a bounty on his head!!!

which means that tyneen and her crew are probably after him, which probably explains why they’re at the thicc chicc casino. (how do i know jawbone is there? because ricket is there, which i know because he is shown interacting with both shrike and tyneen, who we know are both there)

now. remember that thought from earlier that i told you to hold until later? now is the time to bring it back.

ok so. we already know that colors and shapes each have their own respective significance in this show, and colors and shapes are chosen deliberately.

with that said:

correlation?? maybe???

ADDITIONALLY:

this further cements my belief that ep 4 will have a LOT in it regarding the cataclysm or some other related thing. why?

(2nd pic comes from the VA application doc. unfortunately i dont have any better quality pics of it)

despite the poor image quality in the second pic, you can still tell that both of these characters have some sort of magenta (or pink i guess?) type of theming going on in their designs.

also if we look at campions, like, the flower

you can see where im trying to go with this idea.

i did a whole bunch of examining colors today in light of this, actually!!! quick fun fact for those unaware: RGB and CMYK invert into each other.

and then after i made that image i started sorting things into what colors they are. (white and black have been omitted from the screenshots simply because there doesnt seem to be any significant things tied to them)

obviously this list is probably incomplete and i will continue to add to it, of course.

(my main inspo for even thinking about CMYK for theories in the first place was @toastedclownery btw!! GO CHECK OUT THEIR BLOG IF U HAVENT ALREADY THERES SO MANY COOL THEORY POSTS THERE!!)

one final not-as-relevant theory that’s really more of a prediction: i really think joel vargskelethor is gonna be in this upcoming episode, whether it’s in whole or in part. i mean, he already voiced the duende in ep 3, so it’s not like its impossible or anything. also “scythelord” happens to be the name of joel’s band as well (which you should DEFINITELY check out if ur into metal!!!!! absolutely amazing stuff) OH OH AAAAAAND

id like to direct your attention to the title of this update, which is “the bone zone,” which i believe to be a skeleton metal reference.

also jawbone/scythelord has the little sweden viking helmet thing on the wanted poster. AND HES GREEN! LIKE FREN!!

for those who dont know, this is fren (also known as vargfren i think)

so yeah. these evidence pieces combined with the fact that zeurel has made dozens of “vargskelethor animated” videos (which is how i got into zeurel’s animations in the first place actually!!) are what led me to make this prediction.

anyway, i hope you guys liked this theory post. it’s not an update on the web, but i figured id try doing something new. though, if youd like to see the web, here’s a view of the full thing currently:

but yea thats all i really had. ill reblog with some additions if i think of anything else. bye for now!!! :^D

[melbatron5000]

The Clues of Good Omens are trolling us

I didn't reblog this post I saw a few days ago, and now I'm regretting it. Not like, I'll be on my death bed full of thoughts of this post, but like, it made a solid point and I think it's worth repeating.

I had already been thinking about some of the stuff various Ineffable Mystery Game Players are noting, and wondering how important some of this stuff is. There are some wild little details that people are chasing down.

I think that's fascinating. I also think it's not the slightest bit important to figuring out the hidden story; and if it leads to anything, it's going to circle back to things that can be found in other, easier-to-spot Clues. That's NOT to say I don't think people should be doing it. I am; at least somewhat. It's FUN.

I DO think a lot of layers of detail and intricacies have been added to the show to trip up people looking for what's going on. Much like digging for dinosaur bones, there's nothing to be found in the top layer, interesting stuff that's probably not dinosaurs under that, and real dinosaurs under that. Look too deep, though, and you bypass the dinosaurs entirely and start finding more interesting stuff that's also not dinosaurs. If you're just digging for joy, great. Have at it. There's a ton there. If you're looking for dinos, though, you need to know how far to dig and where to stop.

The post I mentioned said, paraphrasing: "It's a TV show. Whatever's going on has to be quickly explainable to the casual viewer. Most of the TV audience isn't digging this deep or going to be able to follow some of these really crackpot theories."

This is true. This is absolutely true.

So far, all my own theories do fit inside an easy-to-explain-in-a-few-seconds model. And I intend to work to keep them that way. Are some of my Clues a little off-the-wall? Sure, but wherever I found them, they're still dinosaurs. Several of them have easier Clues than what I dug up, but they all lead back to the same place: a story that will make sense when explained quickly.

Two Crowleys? Just have to have the second one walk on screen. Secret twins have been done before on many shows. Done.

Gabriel stole records from Heaven that Aziraphale will use to take them down? A quick flashback will show us that -- we might not even need that much. "The records Gabriel stole when he left," Aziraphale says, and a bunch of the picture snaps into place for the casual viewer. Maybe not the entire thing, but enough that they can follow.

Saraqael has been working with Crowley and Aziraphale? Show the three of them talking not in code about literally anything, it becomes clear they're cooperating.

Missing scenes? Again, a short sequence showing us that something got jumped over -- and how it got jumped over -- will put that to rest. We don't have to necessarily know what got jumped over, just that something did.

Nina is Jesus 2.0? Listen to what I just said -- how quick was that? How difficult to understand?

The whole entire picture doesn't have to be drawn out in intricate detail for the casual audience to follow the gist. I think plenty of Ineffable Mystery will be left intact for us to keep mining for years and years. But the main points, the important plot points, will be quickly summed up.

I'm going to keep digging willy-nilly, because it's fun. There's a lot to find. But I'm also going to try to keep my thoughts based in the story as it would be told to someone interested in sci-fi/fantasy TV. Viewers like that tend to be brighter than the average bear, but not all of us are mystery sleuths. I'm not looking for Atlantis, I'm looking for dinosaurs. If I find Atlantis while I'm down there, cool. But I'm not going to hang that from a wire and put it on display at the Smithsonian in the paleontology wing.

Nobody would get it.

[trans-luis-serra-navarro]

OK GOOOOOOOO READ THIS POST FIRST I WAS TRYING TO REBLOG IT BUT TUMBLR WOULDNY LET ME ADD ANY MORE PHOTOS OR TAG ANYMORE PEOPLE CUZ IM USING THIS POST AS A JUMPING OFF POINT!!!!!!! GO FOLLOW @theprestigegirly AND @cloverisnonexistantbro !!!!!!!!!

I had @void-detective ask me a few days ago if the ornaments on Luis’ jacket had any particular meaning and as with everything I fell down,,,,,, one hell of a rabbit hole HDNWHWNEHDNX

So, first off; I couldn’t find any super definitive answer to what was on his jacket but I have some pretty good theories!!!!!!!

@vespereargentum and their friend on Twitter helped point out to me that the floral designs are really reminiscent of old Spanish Renaissance furniture and like yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean look at it!!!!!!!!

These photos aren’t very good but you get the gist!!!!!!!

Why would Capcom put visual designs from FURNIATURE onto clothing I have no clue, but considering the fact that almost every single detail of Luis’ character down to the damn rings are extremely purposeful I’m sure we could pick up some pieces!!!!!

It also kinda makes sense, like,,, character wise too y’know- Valdelobos was a glorified Catholic cult and obviously they kept a very old-fashioned mindset so visuals-wise it makes sense!!!!!

@ 11cool also pointed out that his jacket has a lot of similar motifs to Matadors and Traje De Luces which they have their own post you can check out if you wanna!!!!!!!! Ofc there brings up the whole issue of y’know, Bad spanish stereotypes and bullfighting etc etc but this whole post is just throwing stuff at the wall in complete honesty!!!!!

And like the og post and @cloverisnonexistantbro said there’s a not for none Chance that the designers were trying to play into abstract windmill motifs would would be super cool!!!!!

@theprestigegirly and @kaychen666 were also kind enough to point out that the flowers on his jacket kinda look like poppies!!!!!!

And I think most people already know that poppies are a pretty common symbol for death (especially after war which I’ll touch on in a second) which. Y’know. Would be just SUCH A FUN AND SILLY DETAIL if true HAHDHENDHSJ

And like the og already has put so eloquently there are just,,,,,, S O many lil design elements of Luis’ that are so perfectly purposeful,,,;,,,… down to the fact that Luis has a gun from WWI (Realistically probably passed down from hsi grandfather, who would have probably had to have lived through Spanish civil wars (yayyyyy we love generational trauma yippeee another thing to add onto Luis amirite /lh)) and down to the fricken rings he wears and what fingers he wears them on!!!!!! (One of the rings for instance is of the Virgin Mary and it’s supposedly said that wearing a ring on the fingers Luis does symbolises leadership and compassion etc etc etc Yknow ring logic HDBEHEBXHX)

So like idk!!!!!!!! If anyone who actually has knowledge of Spanish culture wants to chip in PLEASE PLEASE DO!!!!!!! I’m the whitest Mf on planet earth there’s only so much justice I can give Luis BSNDHENDJSNSJ

Tl;dr: until Capcom or somebody whose more of a professional in this field outright explains what little design details like that mean for certain I’m just throwing stuff at the wall and letting people see it HDHEHEJEID

[idrawtooslow]

The "Christmas Mindfulness" Episode

(This is a story concept for an episode of an ensemble-cast TV show, or maybe a webcomic or something. @homunculus-argument posted a story concept back in October that reminded me of it, but I decided not to put this on a reblog of that, because really, the only similarity is vibes.)

The story arc revolves around two characters: one is relatively new to the story's Found Family, and absolutely loves Christmas, or at least believes in spending "the Holidays" with people one loves. It helps if they're also either cheerful, a bit pushy, or both. I'll call this character "Willy."

The other character, for self-care reasons, always spends Christmas alone. By their own deliberate choice. For them, being alone at Christmastime is their way of celebrating their escape from their abusive family, or from some other tragic backstory that makes Christmas traditions especially distasteful or triggering. It helps if this is also a fairly introverted or pessimistic character. I'll call this second character "Wonty."

This is Willy's first or second Christmas with the Found Family, and Willy's excited about it, but they also learn that Wonty always chooses to spend Christmas alone. Willy sees this as tragic and concerning, and decides that Wonty needs their sympathy, company, and guidance. Either the rest of the group doesn't realize what Willy is planning to do, or Willy doesn't listen to or believe the others.

Willy prepares a quiet, low-key Christmas experience just for Wonty, designed to "fix" Wonty's attitude toward Christmas, then invites themself over to Wonty's home. You see, Willy doesn't understand that Wonty is enjoying spending Christmas alone. That possibility hasn't even occurred to Willy. In Willy's mind, they are making a noble sacrifice by skipping the Found Family's Christmas party, and instead trying to bring Wonty around to the joy of Christmas.

Wonty, answering their door, declines to invite Willy in. Wonty explains that they prefer to spend Christmas alone, celebrating their safety and independence. Willy brushes this off, and insists on being invited in, insists that Wonty needs this, until finally Wonty relents and decides to try and get this over with.

As Willy practices Christmas upon Wonty (if the narrative is set in modern North America, I like the idea that watching "Die Hard" together is Willy's plan), Wonty just gets more and more miserable every moment. Willy can see this, and gets more and more anxious and desperate to cheer Wonty up and change Wonty's mind.

Eventually, out of frustration and confusion, Willy does something that's inappropriate, something that crosses a boundary of some sort, just to try and reach Wonty in Wonty's deepening funk. This leads to a moment in which both characters are shocked by what just happened, then Wonty firmly asks Willy to leave. This bit probably depends a lot on how the actual characters would navigate this situation, but Willy does leave, whether immediately or after trying to salvage their plan.

Afterward, Willy ends up at the Found Family's annual Christmas party. Willy has themself a pity party over what happened, and expresses deep concern over Wonty's lack of Christmas spirit. The rest of the Found Family, or perhaps just a Heart or surrogate parent character, explains the details of Wonty's tragic backstory and reasons for isolating themself from Christmas celebrations, and lays down some home truths for Willy about boundaries and respecting differences. Some people just aren't going to see the world the way we do, and that's okay, and worth respecting.

There's no real reason Willy can't figure out some of the above paragraph on their own, except the concept has to come through to the audience somehow. Also, Willy now realizes that Wonty did try to explain all of this, but they steamrolled Wonty and didn't listen. Willy spends the rest of the evening processing all of this.

The next time Willy meets Wonty at their shared experience, or some other place Willy can approach Wonty in public, Willy presents Wonty with a thoughtfully-chosen peace offering, something they've found out, after some effort, that Wonty will genuinely enjoy. Willy apologizes honestly to Wonty and acknowledges what they did, promising never to visit them on Christmas or try to "fix" them, ever again. Wonty points out that the honest apology and clear contrition make a great deal of difference, and forgives Willy.

Hooray, everyone is okay again, and we grew in the process! The end.

[thethinkingaurora]

Hey you, the one with the 'cool thing you think about but don't get to talk about as much as you'd like to.' What is one thing you want to talk about, in as much detail as you'd like (I will read all of it).

Ok one thing that I really think is cool, hmmmmm

This happens every time I’m asked “what do you like” my brain just instantly vacates everything I do, it’s just like “Error 404: Life Experiences not found”

Hmmmmmm, I’d probably say ciphers/encryption

Ok so encryption and ciphers, simple in concept but holy hell does this shit get complex and fun fast

I first found out about them from the Secret Breakers book series (I love it, would definitely recommend), and then I went to a CTYI (Centre for Talented Youth Ireland) course and learned more about them and how they work, in between these two events I also did a load of research and got really hyper fixated on them, I then proceeded to learn more and begin creating my own and making my own little puzzles and stuff

Ok so encipherment and encryption both do a similar job, obfuscate a message to hide it, they were used in the World Wars to send messages to people in enemy lines on both sides (most notably the Enigma Machine), encryption often uses mathematics and numbers linked in certain ways to hide things, ciphers are a little different in the way they operate, ciphers are obfuscations but it’s easier to hide that they are obfuscations as they can often look like normal text

For example, the Baconian cipher uses something similar to binary and highlighted text to hide a message, so 00000 is A, 00001 is B, 00010 is C, so on, so where there is a one you highlight the letter

So to hide the word “hi” you need at least 10 letters, but less that 15, so “hello there” is our ten letters and hi translates to 00111 01000, so we highlight the letters specified, which gives us “hello there” (the baconian cipher was made by Sir Francis Bacon and he has many written letters with hidden messages in them, that’s all I can remember off the top of my head)

But using encryption (for example Base64) “hi” would become “aGk=“ which is much more obvious that it is a hidden message

I’ll explain how encryption is used in real life somewhat in a reblog later, I just want to get back to where I was as uI just accidentally deleted a huge chunk of what I had typed (as in I opened Google to check my spelling and tumblr decided it would be the perfect time to restart, I’m typing this on my phone)

Ok so onto the ciphers, the one that I really really like

So ciphers have been in use for millennia, I’ll start with a common enough one, The Polybius Square

The Polybius Square was created by an Ancient Greek scholar called Polybius(yeah he tried really hard when naming his cipher), the cipher is a simple enough substitution cipher (a substitution cipher is where certain letters or symbols are replaced by others things), where letters are replaced using 2 digits which mark there position on the square

Which looks like this, it goes like this 11=A, 12=B, 13=C, 14=D, 15=E, 21=F, and so on, you’ll notice that in 24, instead of a single letter is both “i” and “j” simply for the reason that you can’t make a square out of 26 boxes

Early ciphers were often only used by themselves but later they were used together to make more complex ciphers whether this be where it was encoded once and then encoded again or that the two were used at the same time to do some funny shenanigans

A great example of this is the ADGFX cipher which uses a modified Polybius Square along with Columnar Transpostion

Ok I’ll explain the ADGFX cipher in just a second ima explain columnar transposition first, so with columnar transposition you need a key, we’ll use “cargo” (the general standard) so first take your message and split it into groups with the amount of characters in the group corresponding to the length of the key (So “we need to attack soon”, would be grouped into groups of 5 when using a key like cargo, the groups would look like this “wenee dtoat tacks oon”)

Next you align the groups under the key

Here is one using the example message of “we need to attack soon”

Ok next you need to take the letters in your key and arrange them alphabetically, so cargo become acgor, now take the columns you made and shift them along with the key letters

Like this

So now that we have our letters it’s easy, we take them from left to right, top to bottom and write them out, leaving us with, “eweentdatoatkscoon” with the key of cargo, now if most people were given that they wouldn’t have the slightest clue what to do

So now imagine if we added more layers, like in the ADGFX cipher

Long story short, you take a custom alphabet and replace the letters in a Polybius square with them, then replace the numbers in the square with ADGFX

There is one that I stole from Google

So you encode your message using the square and then with the result you use the columnar transposition that we discussed earlier and then you have your final encoded message, unless you want to add more bullshit to it, like idk a A1Z26 cipher, changing the letters to numbers, or maybe a binary converter, or maybe a morse encoder, actually why not all of them

And that’s where shit starts getting fun (for me anyway, where you stack the jenga tower of encoding hoping that one of the ciphers in it doesn’t need numbers or spaces which other ciphers can’t use

Oh another fun thing, a number and text where you have to convert the number to binary and use that to highlight letters which are the encoded message, or are they

And that’s why I absolutely love encoding and ciphers so much because you can create such interesting little things that can become games, or just brand new ciphers where you have to spot little patterns or grab little ideas and run with them hoping that that was the way it works

Actually one last thing before I go, my own encipherment method which I couldn’t find anywhere online, and thus gave it a name

The Eclipsed Polybius Square (EPS)

Ok so the name comes from a name I used to go by (Which was Eclispe) and then the Polybius Square

Ok so I’ve written documentation of it countless times, but I can never explain it off the top of my head, I know how it works, it’s just stored in the depths of the blob of synapses that is in my skull

Ok so first step, take your message and use a Polybius square to turn it into the numbers,

I am struggling to figure out how to write this

Here is an example which I used in an sort of puzzle hunt that I made for some friends (If you notice the name Lily there, it’s a character within the story of the puzzle hunt, game, thing)

Ok so see how some of the words are highlighted, they indicate numbers for the Polybius square

So “the” is in bold and it’s 3 letters long so we get the number 3, then “to” is in bold so we get 2, these two give us 32 which is our first letter “M”, then we have “get” which is 3, then “time” which is 4, now we have our next letter 34 which is “O”, and this continues to give us a whole word

You’re welcome to solve the rest if you want(send it to me if you do, whether that be in DMs or reblog)

Also just a note, when making the text which will hold the code, I’d recommend making the code first and then writing the text working around the code to get it in using as little words as possible, or you might end up like I did with all of the text there only giving 1 word

Actually actually, I have one last thing, thank you @rookieroc for asking, I have been dying to talk about this and so much more but I just haven’t found anyone to say it about

P.S. I will most likely add to this over time with reblogs with more information on different ciphers

[hyp-fixator]

art ask game: do you have a favorite color palette, have you done a lot of collabs, and whats your creative process?

Oooh fun fun

Some of my favourite colour palletes are ones that have warm tones or high contrast!! I love the palletes that are kind of like a neon sign too, ykwim? Black background with slowly growing colours to a fully saturated end product- THEY ALWAYS LOOK SO EDIBLE... I can never accurately pull it off though

I've done a few of collabs! Not a lot, but the main one I remember doing was a few years ago, a small group of people including me in a discord server decided to design a demon! I think I got the colouring stage? It was fun! Otherwise it was kinda like those "draw the gang" type collabs, nothing too serious/fully rendered

hmmmm my creative process...? I guess I can chat a little about how I figure out the designs for the P! Gang! (This'll be a long part so I'll put it under the cut!)

The first thing I do, almost always, is figure out the vibe of the character

I then correlate the vibe to an animal that gives the same vibe (Aka skate and a golden retriever)

If theres a theme or aesthetic the character goes along with I'll usually grab references from the web and perhaps doodle some ideas down (like I'll do with vinestaff and japanese kimonos)

If there's technology involved, expect me to have come across some cool tech that happened in real life before, and to see me add that into the design (like rocket's prosthetics/hyperlaser's helmet)

if I'm having a really tough time figuring out how to make a character look decent, I'll usually take a few minutes before I go to bed to sketch out some ideas- I did this for Boombox's jelly limbs and Slingshot

Afterwards I usually start drawing! Finding out a pose at first is a tough one, considering it has to show off the character while presenting the design as well- if their arm or something is hiding their chest, there's probably not a lot going on there/it's already shown somewhere else

The lines were a tough part to the process before I figured out the sizes I was gonna use- 3px for the main details, 2px for the inbetween, and 1px for the tiny details. (This is why I'm gonna go back to Subspace- his lines are totally out of whack compared to the rest of the gang!!)

My colouring process is hard to explain because I tend to just- do it. But I can try! Usually I start by placing out the flat colours and rendering it out one layer at a time. I try to get the colours down, they don't have to be perfect cause I'll end up tweaking them later. I render one colour at a time, (they're usually the same material,) and just go through that during the whole process! Depending on the material I also choose a lighting angle

After the colour I go in and edit them with overlays, colour the lines occasionally, and that's it!

Pop on the signature across the design, post it on the discord servers, tumblr, etc

After I post it I usually take a small hiatus from drawing to think and regain some inspiration, reblogging a bunch of stuff and then starting the process again!

I take my time with things like this, so itll be unlikely for me to post two at a time! Scythe and Ban were a special case because I forgot to put her into the poll and ban was the next guy I was gonna draw! (I personally can also see the effects of this on Scythes design cause I drew her second- I'm not as satisfied with her as I could be, which is why I'm also redoing her.)

Uhhhh yeah that should be it!

[warrioreowynofrohan]

oh my god, thank you for that wonderful response. i have been reblogging some of your posts because i agree with it. when i started reading lotr fics, i stumbled upon so many older fics about the supposedly called "kidnap fam" and the more i understand about elros and elronds situation, the more i go from "wait what" to "what the fuck" and go back to the canon material because youre telling me they villainize elwing and earindil but not the ones who caused the second kinslaying because apparently its such a good material for idk to make the feanorians nice? ive read enough fics that are long af which explains the complexity or whatever of why the second kinslaying happened but when it comes to elwing and earindil, its like fuck it they suck af. im not kidding when i said the more i read about feanor and the sons of feanor (book, fics and posts), the more i get exhausted because some of them have such a dickish personalities like they're awful af but apparently they have talents or something to compensate for that. im really sorry for this rant. im probably dipping into waters with sharks in it.

Yeah, 'kidnap fam' is hugely popular - and wow, it must have been wild to come to it straight from LOTR and then later discover Elrond's backstory! Because yeah, the way the Third Kinslaying is presented in fics can be very different from the way it is in the books.

I think, maybe, Elwing and Eärendil are vilified by some Fëanorean fans precisely because the Third Kinslaying is so horrific. That's not to say that the Second Kinslaying is not - we really get more details of specific atrocities committed in the Second Kinslaying (abandoning small children to die of exposure) - but the Second Kinslaying is at least a fight between two groups who both have armies. The Third Kinslaying is a massacre of the remnants of the civilian populations of two previously-destroyed kingdoms. And I think that very horror makes people want someone else to blame for it at least partially - someone else to blame for some element of it - even though the sole cause of it is, truly, the decision of the remaining Fëanoreans to massacre people. (My thoughts on this are partly because I've seen almost this identical thing in another fandom that I'm part of, where we find out midway through the series that one of the main protagonists, earlier in his life when he was a much worse person, massacred an entire village. Parts of the fandom gravitated to casting blame on the leader of the village he massacred for being 'unreasonable', or to claiming the main character wasn't in control of his mind [the same way that people say the Fëanoreans had no choice because of the Oath], because understanding a character you like as being to blame for something so horrible is very raw.)

But back on the topic of 'kidnap fam' - I think it's the contrast that draws people to it, the idea of people who have done terrible things and feel terrible about them being suddenly confronted by innocent and helpless children whom they need to care for. (I say 'they' because 'kidnap fam' is usually written as both Maglor and Maedhros 'parenting'; my own mental image of it is that Maedhros had very little to do with the twins' upbringing.) But I'm feeling rather overexposed to 'cute' takes on it. It's not cute; I'm somewhat in the middle of a fanfic where I try to dig in a little to what Elrond's upbringing must have been like, the scars and complicated trauma that it must have left. And it's strange, because, if people want to write about a cute adoptive/found family, there are other options out there! There's Annael and the other grey-elves who raise Tuor, for example. But again, I think it's the combination of the popularity of the Fëanoreans and the contrasts inherent in the situation. I loathe when people try to cast blame on Elwing for, uh, being driven to suicidal despair by everyone she knows being massacred and her kids being captured by the same people who murdered her brothers. And I've gotten really tired of people trying to give Maglor credit for the good person who Elrond became; in my opinion, Elrond's character may be in part a reaction to his upbringing, but his goodness is more despite Maglor than because of him.

It's fine if you're feeling overexposed to the Fëanoreans - they can be pervasive in the tumblr Silm fandom, but there are still people here who like/focus on other characters!

And if anyone tries to get on your case for feeling tired of the Fëanoreans, block 'em. Life's too short for putting up with it.

[actuallycassidyiambusy]

Hi, hello, um.....I LOVE YOUR WORK SO MUCH!!!

I binged what you had on Ao3 and I'm foaming at the mouth for more! You're doing such a fantastic job writing. Your flow is wonderful and easy to read and it's always kept me on the edge of my seat. I see you've been teasing at a demon!au, is that a wip that will also be put on on Ao3? I'm excited to see what else you're going to write!

Hi🤗

Thank you so much! I literally get so happy when I catch a new reader's eye! I appreciate you inboxing me! It's also really good to know that my writing flow is well received by the people who read it! I try to add as much detail but not over explain at the same time lol

Yes, I will be posting the demon au on AO3! I'm only five chapters into the second draft, and I'm wanting to get about 20 to 25 chapters solidified and a title figured out before I start posting. Just so I can update steadily. It will probably be another month. Not too long! I'll start by posting the first five chapters bc I believe that's usually the number it takes to really hook a reader. Then I'll post a chapter every week. That's what I plan on at least lmao

In the meantime, I'll post art and little teasers here and there of the fic along with some other stuff!

I posted a teaser chapter not too long ago but it's probably lost in my posts by now, so I'll reblog it in case you wanna take a peek❤️‍🔥

[patchesproblem]

What's your favourite trope

I'm not going to lie to you, I really don't know. It depends on what kind of trope you're asking about, I guess.

Character-wise there are patterns in who I tend to like, though I don't really know if there's a specific trope exactly. (TLDR of this one is basically think of Tesla and Einstein and how they are as people / their relationship and that's basically it.)

Most of them often have:

Probably traumatized and have a list of disorders longer than a CVS receipt.

Has a sense of joy that others consider 'immature' (think of Tesla getting happy over seeing that water thing (I forgot what it's called) in Yellowstone, or when she stared at Einstein admiringly)

Strange / odd in a way that most people don't understand. (Basically eccentric I guess?) Also in the funny way

Lesbian

Putting up an act / front as a way of protecting themselves, pushes people away, has like. One person they're attached to beyond belief.

For some reason a majority of the characters I like lately have some sort of doctorate or are involved in science. It's strange.

Ball of anger (In the Tesla way, not just being constantly angry and wanting to end people)

Also alcoholism somehow has managed to become a common theme between characters I like. No clue how or why but here we are. /hj

Was going to make a list of characters I like but suddenly my brain no longer works and I can't think of more than three characters that I actively care about, and I feel like it'd be embarrassing to have such a short list. I swear I have interests other than Einsla.

Ship wise.. Nobody would believe me if I said I didn't particularly care for shipping, would they. Tesla and Einstein are quite literally the exception. My other ships are more 'I like them but I don't really care' meanwhile Einsla is like 'I will die on this hill they're meant to be together DO NOT SEPARATE.'

I do have some tropes that I like within ships (though they're probably obvious if you look at my profile for .01 seconds)

Both are mentally ill but they share the same struggles so they understand each other in a way others wouldn't.

Understand each other in ways that others don't in general. Able to know what the others feeling / what they're thinking.

Attached together / almost always near each other.

Teasing each other in the lighthearted way.

Actually love each other and are in a happy healthy relationship. * This is a lie I have one ship where they're constantly trying to kill each other. You can be divorced 30 times over and hate each other as long as you're funny

Both are menaces

I can go into a lot more detail but I feel like it'll start going into me using Einsla to explain and I think people would throw bricks at me.

Story tropes.. I'll list different story things I really like since I don't really know the specific tropes.

Found family (basic I know but I'm mentally ill)

Mysteries

This one applies mainly to games, but since they're the main thing I actively enjoy I'm throwing it in anyways. Stories that have things hidden in collectable items that add more context / nuance to the story. (The story itself is understandable with or without it, however they add a deeper understanding of the world and characters / how things got the way they are)

I also enjoyed the way Portal and Half Life handled the story telling with Gordon Freeman and Chell just staying silent the whole time. I don't know why I just really enjoyed it. They have so much character even though they don't have a single voice line. So I guess silent protagonist.

I tried to write as many of these as possible without comparing them to Einsla, sorry if any of them sound strange or worded weirdly. It's currently six a.m. and my brains not particularly working properly. I'll reblog this if I think of anything else or figure out a way to explain it.