#* {Crack}

[questions-about-blorbos]

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[iamnmbr3]

Harry through their connection: Well what was that daydream yesterday about Alphard Black while I was in History of Magic class?

Harry: Pretty sure that was NOT the history I was supposed to be learning about.

So it’s kind of implied that the accidental part of Harry and Voldemort’s connection is one sided - i.e. that they’re both connected but only Harry gets flashes of Voldemort’s life without actively trying to go into his mind but not the other way around. But imagine if it was both ways and Voldemort who has so long been cut off from humanity and from normal mortal life sometimes randomly got to experience Harry going about his daily business and doing normal things like eating and talking to people and feeling the sun.

[imraespace]

EPISODE8- DATING A WHAT (everytime it changes povs it's a new day) IMRAESPACE

A LEAGUE PLAYER! <-PREVIOUS || MASTERLIST || NEXT->

notes: SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING YESTERRDAY also i just realized this story is more giggles than love LMAO

TAGLIST: @semisutopia @kittenish0 @nothingseenstuff @deonsx @bluberrymochi17 @momoriii-i @syarc0re @azharyy @mi2ukiss @ocyeanicc @academiq @jayathelostdragon @rwbie @yamsverse @sara4uuu @lorisheaven @mymelodyfanatic @reverrieee @anqelkoz @belovedfedya @tojirin @chaoslibra @clematisw @lenecoded @meekydeeks @azinniyaa @pookalicious-hq @chaerinmin @aerisevx @vayahatesu @cjutysjk @lovelymeguru (OPEN)

[akystaracer22]

I kinda feel like writing a funny one shot of post S2 Viktor stuck in league verse (Yes this is inspired by League Viktor getting got by the Arcane rewrite gun rest in piece you will be missed). Poor guy would be so discombobulated by everything.

Why does Jinx look more fucked up than usual?

Why does Warwick have a proper snoot?

Who tf are half these people?

WHY DO I HAVE SONS??? PLURAL???

WHY IS JAYCE A WHITE ASSHOLE NOW???!!!!

I think it'd be funny. Bonus point if he swapped places with League Viktor who's just sipping sweetmilk and taking a vacay while Arcane Jayce frantically tries to get League Viktor back to his world and get his Viktor back.

I also think it'd be funny if when Viktor got back the thing he couldn't let go of as like the absolute worst part of the League timeline was Giopara. Like he just grabs Jayce by the shoulders like:

"Jayce listen to me I just went to the worst timeline ever. Everyone was fucked up, Piltover and Zaun were in a full blown war. Worst of all? You were an insufferable narcissistic asshole and also White."

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

Ok so we've all read the "someone spiked the teapot" fics. Great stuff. But they always take place after the war. Get ready for "someone spiked supper during the guest lectures".

Firstly it's so important to me that Wei Wuxian didn't do it. He's innocent in all this. Hell he could be seen as a victim in all this.

Lan Qiren and what Lans weren't at dinner have sent the guest disciples to their rooms, and are working on corralling the drunk Lans. It's a very slow and silly process. No one can find Lan Wangji or the assumed culprit, Wei Wuxian.

Eventually Jiang Cheng comes up as is all "Lan Wangji has been in our rooms this whole time. I swear he's been petting Wei Wuxian's head and calling him his favorite bunny. He tried to bite my fingers off. I admit I'm a bit out of my depth here"

[yeetdeeznuts]

I HATE HATE HATE the Jon Kent Superman comics!!!!!! First of all they had NO reason to age him up other than a reason for him to take up Superman- which by the way was COMPLETELY unnecessary considering the fact that if they really needed a new person to take that role Kon is RIGHT THERE! By aging him up they not only took away what could’ve been years of fun adventures with the super sons but also what could’ve been maybe his own solo run as a young superboy navigating the hero world. They made his friendship with Damian kinda awkward by giving them an age gap and then shoved him into the hands of the nearest journalist! Jon had so much potential that they sucked out of him because they “needed a new Superman” and I HATE IT. They completely took away his fun and unique character traits in order to make him a Clark Kent copy and paste and he deserves better than that. If you couldn’t tell I just read the new Superman and hated it.

[phantom248]

It is a well known fact that TJR tried befriending all animals on fof set and I am sruprised no one has made a disney princess Zhuo Yichen fic.

-----------------

"Please don't use the knife, I will escort myself back to the dungeon-"

"No need" ZYC cut stopped the monkey in his tracks. "Obviously dungeons can't hold you. Go up and then turn to the left side and continue walking forward. You can stay in west courtyard."

He resolutely ignored the wide eyes of Wen Xiao who almost stepped forward to stop him. The monkey made a doubtful noise.

"I wouldn't want to impose more on your hospitality, Zhuo daren."

ZYC scoffed. "Who is giving you hospitality? I don't have any other place to stick you in for now, and Mr. Fang Yin needs to check the cells."

The demon made another doubtful noise, but the radiating smugness was hard to ignore. But ZYC did ignored it though, as the demon made his way out.

After some mintues have passed, Wen Xiao stepped closer to him, a wide smile on her face. "That was very cruel, Xiao Zhuo."

ZYC turned his face away. "He destoryed several roofs in the front courtyard. I am just repaying him."

"Still," the young women infront of him was beaming now, making it very clear that she didn't care what happened to the monkey demon despite her words. "I don't think he will be able to handle... them."

He blinked inncoently. "We'll see."

As if to prove their words, a loud scream rang out, followed by a fluttering sound of lots of wings.

"Pfft. And he called himself a great demon, a noble white ape." ZYC muttered, completely disappointed.

Wen Xiao only laughed in response.

It started with Zhuo Yichen's beloved gege, Zhuo Yixuan.

More accurately, it started with him noticing his didi’s adorable habit of hugging the tree whenever he missed him.

ZYX's heart ached terribly. Compared to their father, he was the one who actually spended more time with his didi to the point of acting almost as his parent, but still, as the vice commander of their bureu, he still had to go away from home for long periods of time. His did already faced troubles making new friends, in those times, he will be left utterly alone.

A tree was going to live for a long time, but it could never act as a companion. And finding and training a servant was almost impossible due tonhis long absence. Who knew what that person could do to his didi??

So he found the next best companion.

He had somehow managed to find a talking parrot.

His didi was not very enthused with the addition of another living being in his quarters, but since it was a gift from him, he cherished the chatterbox very much.

It didn't end there though.

A cat snuck in one day, eyeing the easy snack that was left to fly around freely, but before she snatched her prey, Yichen caught her in a surprising dispaly of agility.

And closed it in the west courtyard and bribed it with lots of food to stop going after his parrot. And the fishes in ponds. And the expensive carps in the fountains. Maybe it was his desperation but the cat somehow learned that if it stopped going after other animals, it will be rewarded handsomely.

Hence the visible chub on her body by the time ZYX and their father returned back.

The chickens were a complete accidents. The people in the city didn't had many valueables, so anytime ZYX and his father returned after dealing with demons, they will be gifted chickens. Lots and lots of chickens.

One day, ZYX was too tired, and the servent who usually welcomes him back stuffed the chicken in the west courtyard temporarily to hurry back and get the warm water for his master.

At some point, so many chickens had accumulated that they just stopped bothering to try and clear out the west courtyard.

It was a tradition that continued on with ZYC.

The cats also started multiplying with addition of birds. ZYC at that point just adapted to a training routine for every feline.

And then there were ducks. And geese. Even a monkey thrown in there. The king would also gift them with some rare exotic animals, and they will be stuffed in the same courtyard.

And then there were dogs. It made sense, the king's gifts had to be kept safe, and who better to safe guard them than dogs?

And then there were strays. Being so used to variety of animals in their vicinity, they had fallen in the typical trap of resuing every stray they came across.

In short, by the time Zhu Yan walked in, it was a proper zoo now. Unfortunately and surprisingly for him, the chickens were the most vicious creatures in there.

Both WX and ZYC had to muffle their giggles when they saw the great demon covered in chicken fathers, standing dumb struck at the side of a pond where ducks were quacking at him. The inafamous parrot immediately belined towards Yichen upon sight, calling out "didi" at every whistle.

"Zhuo daren," the great demon began, his teeth gritted in embarresment. "I said I was a noble ape. Where did that led you to believe that you can treat me as a monkey."

If someone didn't knew ZYC, they would have thought he was being serious. "You admitted it yourself when we were fighting that you were a monkey."

As if to parrot his master's thought, the blasted bird on his shoulder called out. "Idiot, idiot!"

Zhao Yuanzhou closed his eyes. Somehow, he thought, ZYC was not going to be as easily teased as he had planned.

Omake:

Li Lun strutted in, finding a place of honor to settle in and wait for the rag tag group his former friend had gathered around himself.

Unfortunately for him, he should have settled on staying in the front courtyard instead of exploring around, because as soon as he went to a side courtyard, he was immediately attacked by felines, hens and ducks. A parrot flew over his head, calling out idiot at every turn.

Li Lun fumed. That blasted hunter! He will get his revenge on him one day!

(And if he choked him too harshly later on, that was his business.)

[ominouspuff]

Alt. Ask-game piece for my dear @ghosts-of-rishi

[voraciouslyindulgent]

@nonmaleficence

it's tarnma karma shitpost time

[questions-about-blorbos]

This request was sent to us and we made a poll in response to it. Send any Blorbo-related question you want to our inbox and we’ll make a poll on which people can vote with their own Blorbos in minds

[buckevantommy]

buck baking and cooking suspiciously phallic shaped things bc even though he tries to distract himself in the kitchen tommy is still on his mind 😔🍆🥣

[fatass-adam]

"AH FUCK I FELL IN THE FROG WATER AND NOW I'M GAY-"

[luumiinaa]

romantic trip to the bahamas maybe 😂

ᡣ𐭩 is something burning?

you should've known that the minute you walked into your apartment and chenle was staring back at you with an evil grin that he was up to something. to your surprise nothing was broken and no one was harmed, fortunately. but an array of grocery bags were waiting for you in the kitchen. "i may have offered to make a cake for mark's birthday, sorry" the words came out in a jumbled mess but you knew exactly what your boyfriend had just confessed to you. he had just offered to bake knowing that neither of you had any experience with sweets. you both knew your fair share of savory dishes, but sweets had always been something you always bought already made. "um okay, that's fine, we can just order one from that bakery we usually go to and pick it up before the party" but chenle seemed convinced that for some reason you guys had magically become professional bakers, and could make these sweets by hand, by tomorrow morning. "babe, we can do this it's just like flour, eggs, and sugar, leave in the oven and it's done, come on you know we make a great team!" by 'great team' chenle meant that you two were able to build half an ikea bed frame within the span of 5 hours.

still, here you were, standing at your kitchen counter with your excited boyfriend and an array of dessert ingredients spread in front of you. you had pulled up a seemingly simple cake recipe, just a few ingredients and the decoration was up to you. things had started off okay, just mixing a few dry ingredients, and then some wet ingredients. but then, chenle had decided to start acting funny, mixing the ingredients at full force attempting to show you his strength, and the bag of flour had been right near his elbow, wide open. and before you both knew it the flour had fallen onto the floor, white painting your kitchen tiles and the bottom half of your sweats. "zhong chenle i cannot believe you right now, you better clean this up!" but your complaint had fallen onto deaf ears as your now powdery white boyfriend began to laugh his lungs out, falling onto his knees clutching his stomach. you had ignored his cries of laughter putting the batter into a cake pan and shoving it into the oven hoping that this cake wouldn't ruin mark's birthday. you put your hands on your hips looking down at your out of breath boyfriend who sat cross legged on the dirty floor. "babe don't worry, you know i'm gonna clean this up, come here" and before you knew it chenle was pulling you down on to the floor with him, using his hands to lightly powder you with flour. "lay down, we can pretend it's snow and we're at a romantic winter resort" he had forced you to lay next to him now, completely covered in flour. "chenle i will murder you with my bare hands, and we both don't want blood on that cake, let me go" but chenle just giggled dusting your nose off, worried it would get in your nose, "shh shh baby close your eyes and feel the cold winter air"

and thats how you and chenle had fallen asleep on your kitchen floor, flour covering you both from head to toe. your mind clouded with the feeling of a cold winter resort, relaxing outside on the snow next to your boyfriend, and- wait... is something burning?

[imraespace]

EPISODE9- DATING A WHAT IMRAESPACE

A LEAGUE PLAYER! <-PREVIOUS || MASTERLIST || NEXT->

notes: omg guys... normal nagi... broke through..

TAGLIST: @semisutopia @kittenish0 @nothingseenstuff @deonsx @bluberrymochi17 @momoriii-i @syarc0re @azharyy @mi2ukiss @ocyeanicc @academiq @jayathelostdragon @rwbie @yamsverse @sara4uuu @lorisheaven @mymelodyfanatic @reverrieee @anqelkoz @belovedfedya @tojirin @chaoslibra @clematisw @lenecoded @meekydeeks @azinniyaa @pookalicious-hq @chaerinmin @aerisevx @vayahatesu @cjutysjk @lovelymeguru @morgyyyyyyy @kokoscutie (OPEN)

[bubuslutty]

inappropriate crushes

Marc Spector & Fem!reader (platonic)

“Okay, look at this one, tell me he isn't handsome,” Darling turned the phone to show Marc, the two squeezed on his new sofa that they both found on the side of the road, cleaned together and throw a blanket over it.

Darling was showing him saved videos of actors she thought were attractive, edits, she said they were called. Marc frowned at the screen, watching the short video play over and over again, of a man edited to a fast song, the clips used purposely to manipulate the viewer into thinking he was attractive, even if the man looked like he was 60 and was a good year away from ending up in a retirement home. Obviously a 60 year old could be handsome, but what Marc struggled to understand was what business did she have in thinking this was attractive?? She was 20 and a nice, pretty girl, you'd think she'd like someone like uh, uhhhh, what do girls even like nowadays??

“I'm actually so disgusted right now, how do you find this man attractive? Is this what girls are into now? Hm?” Marc said, voice laced with disappointment and disgust.

“Marc, stop being so mean!” She whined, throwing her head back and chewed on her mouthful of crisps, the pack sitting on her lap, about to spill any minute now.

“And stop chewing so fucking loud in my ear, what's wrong with you?” Marc huffed, rolling his shoulders and fixing the pillow behind his back, getting extra comfortable in his new sofa. He then took the packet from her lap, so she wouldn't accidentally spill it all over his floor.

“You gave me the crisps to eat! So I'm eating them!” She gasped, a hand to her chest.

“Well you don't have to chew like it's your first time having teeth,” Marc said, glaring at her.

“You're such a bully,” She huffed, scrolling on her phone with salty fingers, then shoved the phone in his face, “Just watch the damn tiktok edit!”

Marc squinted his eyes at the screen, “Show me another one, I don't like how he's looking at me,”

“What, you don't think he's sexy?” Darling said, genuinely surprised he doesn't share her horrific taste in men.

“He looks like he wants to kill someone and drink their blood, scroll, woman,” Marc rolled his eyes, then scrolled himself so the psychotic man on the phone stops looking at him, and Marc didn't really understand why it had so many likes, and why would that man even be edited to Rihanna out of all musicians??

Darling laughed loudly, making him smile a little, she said she'll look for an edit of someone who's age appropriate and giggled the whole time as she tapped and scrolled on her phone as Marc waited. He shook his head and took a crisp out of the pack he gave her, chewing it as he watched Gus swim in his tank.

"Okay, okay, what about this one? Would we make a cute couple? Be honest." She excitedly said, slowly showing him her screen and pressing on the video to start looking all nervous.

Marc watched the video in silence until it ended, then hummed, "Why is he wearing an orange jumpsuit?"

"He's a vigilante and got caught by the police! He's a hero-"

"You're not dating an inmate,"

"He doesn't even exist! He's in a movie!"

"Thank God!!"

"But mama I'm in love with a criminal-"

"Don't quote Britney Spears to me!"