#(yes he does it'd be HILARIOUS to me)

[chaoscheebs]

Consider: while there will always be fits of awkwardness and tsundere-ish-ness, Yugi's influence softens Kaiba somewhat and makes him more willing to be outwardly loving (mostly in private, but...)

On the flip side, Kaiba's influence makes Yugi quietly learn to be way more intimidating than someone that short and scrawny should be (and Kaiba is here for it.)

[gendercomsumer]

hiii ^^ I would like some headcanons for riddle, malleus, vil and rook with a fem mc that accidentally ends up making them laugh (because what she says or does is very random xd maybe an example would be like jennifer lawrence sjjs she is very funny ) well that's all, thanks and take care <3

Riddle, Malleus, Vil, and Rook with an S/O who can make them laugh with the most random things

A/N: Hello to you too Anon! I know this has been in my inbox for gods knows how long- But thank you still for sending this in! I hope this is to your liking! I actually did watch some Jennifer Lawrence videos for inspiration and I have to agree the comedic timing she has is perfect!! I also used some google translate in Rooks part so it may not be accurate ^^;

Characters: Riddle, Malleus, Vil, and Rook

Warnings: Cursing to a mild degree, playful mention of stalking in Rooks (I love him I swear!!!), lightly proof read

Fem!Reader

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle is a bit difficult to get a good genuine laugh out of, at least in my opinion.

Like sure you have a small chuckle when he finds something amusing, but i feel like it'd be a bit of a challenge to get a good genuine laugh out of.

Then you came in, saying the strangest things at the most unrelated times!

And Ace and Deuce find this absolutely hilarious

You'll say the most out of pocket shit with the straightest face and somehow half the people around you start to laugh some others breaking out in giggles

Ace and Deuce have definitely talked about this 'talent' of yours, at least in their words.

You had said some of these strange comments around Riddle and he found them strange a bit endearing as well

I'd think the time you got a good laugh out of him was when you had come with him to take care of some of the hedgehogs

The two of you were sitting in the grass some of the hedgehogs were playing while a few had decided that climbing on the two of you was a good way to pass the time

One had wandered up onto your head and almost fell off but luckily you were able to save the little guy before he fully hit the ground

After Riddle worriedly checked the little guy over you while looking over his shoulder at the small animal said:

"Well at least we know this one has no self preservation"

Unwillingly, or maybe subconsciously, a small laugh makes it's way through Riddles chest to his lips.

Well, now maybe he saw what those two were blabbering on about

Your little comments were always appreciated with Riddle

Even if they didn't cause him to laugh they did brighten his mood at least somewhat

"Yes, this one does tend to be a bit of a handful. Reminds me of a certain rose I know"

He teased before you two fell back into the pattern of caring for the small animals

More chuckles and comments to come no doubt

Malleus Draconia

At first Malleus didn't understand why the rest of Diasomnia found your remarks so comical

Yes his child of man did tend to bring a certain warmth where ever she walked

But he didn't see this as an excuse for the amount of laughter you cause people around you

Most of the remarks you make will fly over his head

I'm sorry but he seems like the kind of guy to not get the joke until you explain it to him-

Now the Thorn Prince does share a few chuckles with those around him when he finds something amusing, similar to Riddle

But it's even more difficult to get a laugh out of him considering he doesn't get a lot of the play on words type of jokes

but something abrupt and slightly out of context?

I feel like that would get some sort of laugh out of him

One day you were talking with Malleus about some of the things you did in your old world

The topic of amusement parks came up and you started listing the rides you used to go on as a child

Roller coasters, bumper cars, lazy rides where you could relax, until you blanked on the name of a ride

It was frustrating considering it was probably something simple and you would remember it after their conversation, but you wanted to keep the ball rolling

Malleus mean while was partly enjoying seeing how frustrated you got over a simple word

You really were a strange thing weren't you Child of man?

"I'm sorry Mal- I know what I'm thinking of! It's on the tip of my tongue- It's like one of those horse tornado things!"

Horse.. tornado..?

Now that got Malleus attention

he understood the other rides you described, favoring the lazy rides

but what ever this horse tornado was... it sounded.. strange, yet curious at the same time

"CAROUSELS!! FUCKING CAROUSELS, THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE CALLED!"

Malleus let out a small puff of air before he started chuckling under his breath

You truly were a strange one weren't you child of man, just like the world you came from

Malleus pressed a kiss to your forehead letting out one more chuckle before speaking

"Truly fascinating, maybe one day you could bring me to one of these 'horse tornados' you have me interested"

Sure jokes your fly over his head, but he would tease you some what for your small skips in memory

Vil Schoenheit

Now Vil, having acted in a lot of movies, (If I'm correct) Would have probably had a few good laughs in that line of work

Weather that be on set or behind the cameras

But he doesn't often let out a good laugh in public, it's not really part of the proper image he'd want to put out there

As for behind closed doors or with close friends he's definitely willing to have a laugh

And who better to bring a smile to his face than his lovely sweet potato?

Though one good moment always stuck out to him that caused him to have one of the most genuine laughs in awhile

The two of you were getting ready to go out to a fancy restaurant, courtesy of Vil of course, hair, makeup, shoes things like that

While Vil was sitting at his vanity working on his eyes when you came out of the bathroom in a stunning dress hand picked by Vil

It brought out all your best features while still being enough coverage to where it wasn't uncomfortable to wear into a public area

The two of you made idle conversation as you sat on a near by chair to slip on a matching set of heels for the dress

As you stood up in the heels to work on your own makeup you lost your balance thanks to the new height the heels provided

Although Vil was quick to catch you making sure you came no where near the floor he still was concerned

"Oh sweet potato are you alright? What happened?"

Yes looking back on it the question seemed dumb but he was concerned

but you just let out a giggle while regaining your balance before saying:

"Well I'm not sure what happened, but I remember wanting to yell 'fuck' as my last words before I embarrassed myself"

Vil took a moment while looking at you

then a chuckle escaped his lips which soon turned into the two of you sharing a small laugh

Now Vil doesn't know why he laughs at your antics, in hindsight they're just normal phrases

But maybe it's the delivery?

Or the way you smile at him?

What ever it may be it always causes a smile to grace his lips or a chuckle to be drawn from him

Sure Vil maybe all about preserving beauty and making sure he looks flawless

But if he happens to get a few smile lines because of your antics, he will never hold it against you

"Well my darling, I'm glad to hear you're alright. It would be a shame if you or your lovely dress got roughed up before we left. Now come, you still want to do your makeup don't you? Allow me to help"

Rook Hunt

Now Rook has plenty of laughs in his life

Weather that be from stalking some poor soul or a genuine laugh among friends

Rook out of the four is probably the easiest to get a laugh from

He's a joyful guy wanting to see all nature and the world has to offer! Can you blame him?

Then enters you who some how can't help but leave Rook giggling when ever you do something!

You put your tie on wrong? Oh silly Trickster aren't you just the sweetest thing!

Then comes your words which to Rook is a whole new ball park

Rook tends to hold onto every word meant for him, weather that be written or spoken out loud

His darling Tricksters words are so elegant and so sweet how could he not treasure everyone!

What really gets him chuckling and laughing is the moments when your words aren't as sweet and graceful

Cut to one day when you and Rook were in the fields often used for flying class

Rook had a desire to teach you archery so he happened to drag you along with a quiver and bow to some targets set by his hand

After the first few moments of Rook teaching you how to properly hold and aim the bow and making sure your arm guard was secure (He wouldn't want his darling trickster to get rope burn!) He let you shoot

All was going well as you hit targets in an... acceptable way

But all that seemed to end when a large gust of wind sent your best shot yet off course and into the ground

And just as Rook was about to offer some encouragement to keep going and try once more

some colorful language came from you to say the least

"Wind!? Really!?! Could you not wait two fucking minuets!! Nooooo! You just had to thro my best shot off course you-!"

Now don't get Rook wrong he hold the sweet words you two share close to his heart

But there was just something about you yelling at the wind of all things that caused him to start laughing

As he laid on the grass of the field eyes closed as he laughed

Oh? It seems your colorful language is directed towards him now? Even better!

"Trickster- reine de mon coeur! Please I believe- I believe you have shared plenty enough words with the wind today!"

A/N: This is actually the first time I've taken a good look at the name of Malleus' dorm. Dia = Dragon. Somnia = Sleep

Diasomnia = Dragon of sleep

just a ting i found silly :)

[qqueenofhades]

I may very well be getting too far ahead of myself here, but reading your last two (back to back, hot diggity damn, queen!) essays got me thinking about the future. In the beautiful possible future where we keep up the fight, elect Kamala, and keep Trump out of office for another 4 years, do you think there's a real possibility we'll be seeing the same election (Kamala vs Trump) in 2028?

I hear the arguments against the possibility - he's old and unhealthy so he'll probably die (not counting in it), the Republicans cannot be stupid enough to try again (they can), his fragile ego will be too broken to try again (his ego disconnected from reality long, long ago), he'll be in jail (unlikely with this Supreme Court, and hilariously we have no laws preventing someone in jail from running), but even the sum total of them doesn't seem like enough to count him out.

Mind you, if he does run against Kamala in 2028, I feel like the odds would be on our side? I'm just. So. Tired of this guy. I'll keep fighting till the day I die, but it'd be nice if we could actually see this dude go down and take on the next one.

We honestly have a good shot to shut ourselves of Trump forever at this election, because of the simple fact that he is in rapid dementia decline and I honestly don't think he'll be remotely sane in another 4 years. Not that he's sane now, but at age 82 after another four years of associated legal troubles and/or penalties complete with his rapidly unraveling mental state... I just don't think it will be possible even for the withered husk of the GOP to trot him out again, and I say that as someone who always unfortunately knew he would be the nominee again in 2024 despite some overly optimistic prognostications to the contrary by others. As I've said before, this is the last-chance saloon for Trump in any number of ways, and that is part of the reason he is so desperate now.

We can't count on the legal system to rid us of Trump before the election, but the delayed sentencing in his NY felony trial is coming a couple weeks afterwards, the Jan 6th trial has restarted, and the 11th Circuit is fairly likely to reinstate the Mar-a-Lago classified documents case. Trump running for president is a convenient grift to pay his legal bills, and if he gets crushed in November, even the most faithful MAGA diehard are going to find it hard to keep coughing up for his various fundraising appeals. I mean sure, he'll get something, because some of the cult members will be in it to the bitter end, but overall, he will be fucked. On many, many levels.

This is the delightful vision that is fueling me and frankly should fuel all of us, so yes. Vote. Remove stubborn orange stains, once and possibly fucking finally for all. Please.

[juniperdugong]

Sugar Fiend

Pairing: Fem!reader x Denki (established relationship) Genre: Fluff CW: Swearing WC: 644

Day 3 of To Halloween with Love Event

A/N: First MHA fic and it's a drabble about this dork lmao

"Babe!" You called out.

...

"Babe!" You yelled out once again. Maybe he didn't hear you? You were currently digging through your closet and his friends are over tonight... Yeah, he probably didn't hear you if he's too busy playing games or catching up with them.

Getting out of the closet you see that the door's been closed the whole time - Denki must've closed it when he let them in. Opening it you're met with distant chatter and movement from everyone in the living room, "Babe! Denki! Come here!"

Immediately the pitter patter of feet come bumbling your way, "Waffup, my wove?" (Wassup, my love?) His face was stuffed with something that you didn't care to think about as a more pressing question was on your mind.

He leaned against the doorway, looking at you expectantly as he vigorously chewed and watched as you scrambled back into the closet. "I- I swear I left it in here... Have you-"

"Have I what?" He comes up behind you as you dig through the piles of clothes that you've scattered across the floor. "Woah, what's going on? We cleaning our closet out? Thought we didn't do that till spring..."

"No- I- Have you seen the bags of candy I put in here? I tried to hide them from Buzz (your dog) but maybe I put it in the other closet?"

...

You turn around as you're met with silence - Denki was never silent. Your stare bores holes into him as he blushes red like a tomato. You know your boyfriend well enough by now to know that silence was basically a confession in and of itself.

"Den-"

"Nope! Hahaha! I don't- Hmm..." His acting is hilariously bad as he scratches his chin and pretends to think. "I don't think I've seen any candy babe. You sure you bought it-"

"Denki Kaminari."

"Yep. Yes ma'am. Right away ma'am." He stiffens at your tone and does as he always does when he knows he's done something wrong, try to make it up to you - aka he's going to get more goddamn candy if it pleases his lady. "So stupid of me, really. Sheesh, how could I-"

"Denki... seriously." You roll your eyes with a small chuckle at how dumb this man gets for you.

"Yes, my queen!"

"Denki!" You flush as he yells as loud as fucking siren - running to shut the door your face turns hot. Oh god, what if everyone heard that? You're stopped as Kaminari swoops in to block you, deftly sliding his foot in between and in turn wincing as it gets squished.

He gives you puppy dog eyes as you attempt to kick him away and push him out of the doorway, "I love you so much, y/n..." It's so stupid how lovesick he looks as he's getting punched and trampled by you.

"You're so dumb!" Flushed completely red at this point you see Denki smile before using his actual strength to push the door open just enough to catch you in a small kiss.

"Guys! C'mon! Clean up those wrappers! We have to go get more candy!" Finally, he lets you slam the door closed as he yells to his friends. Of course, they ate it all...

"Why're we getting more? We just had like a ton..." You hear the muffled voice of Kirishima and the others as they walk past.

"It wasn't for us. Now we have to get some more for the actual kids." He's leaning his back against the door as they all pass by. The front door beeps as it opens and you press your ear up to the door to make sure you're in the clear.

*knock knock knock* "Love you." You can practically hear the smirk on his lips.

"Just-" You sigh as your heart calms down. "Don't get too much candy, dumbass."

A/N: First MHA fic and it's a cutesy Denki fic lmao, honestly, I thought it'd be Dabi or Shiguraki lmao, love getting into a fandom when the source has already ended. If this gets some good numbers I'll do more MHA and start a taglist. Also doing a double upload for this event tonight bc I didn't have time yesterday ;-;

Please Reblog and Comment (They act as power-ups for me)

[mins-fins]

EPISODE 12 : ❛ yn and mark, mark and yn ❜

Mark doesn't know why his head immediately shot up when he heard his phone ring.

For starters, it's one in the morning, who in their right mind is calling him at one in the morning? Second, he isn't expecting a call from anyone, so when his phone does ring, he almost throws it at the wall as the irritating ringtone repeats over and over.

Mark groans and stares at the ceiling, not even turning on the light as he feels the bedside table for his phone, his still vibrating phone. He scowls in annoyance when he can't find it after the first thirty seconds of not feeling his phone, so he sits up, much to his own dismay, and picks up his phone.

He blinks at the screen, rubbing his eyes as he swears he reads the contact name wrong. It's you, you're calling him. Why the hell are you calling at one in the morning? A puzzled expression crosses his face, and he contemplates on if he should actually pick up.

But after what seems like forever (in Mark's metrics), he sighs and answers the phone. "Hello?"

"Hiiiiii Markie".

Mark immediately picks up on the way your words are slurred, but he doesn't comment on it right away, laying back down onto his comfy duvet. "Hi Yn, good morning" He responds, and you giggle, you giggle, Mark finds that hilarious.

"Morning? It's only.. wait it is morning! One am! Wow you're so smart!"

Mark snickers. "Basic knowledge, Yn".

"Uh huh" You say on the other line, a hiccup accompanying your words.

Mark furrows his eyebrows, thinking this would be the right time to bring this up. "Are you drunk?" He finally asks, and you giggle again on the other line, seemingly finding the question hilarious. You hiccup again before answering the question.

"Sort of?"

"That's not a yes or no" Mark is quick to reply, and you giggle again, a sound Mark missed more than anything. "Why'd you call me at one in the morning anyway?"

"I like the way your voice sounds".

The blatantly honest response makes Mark snicker, a snicker you silently gasp at on the other end of the line. "Is that you or the alcohol talking?" He inquires immediately, holding his phone with his shoulder as he begins picking his nails.

"I don't know.." You mutter on the other end, the sound of something shuffling slightly is sounded in Mark's ears. "Just wanted to confess that I guess".

"So you called me while I was asleep?"

"Yeah?"

"How were you so sure I'd pick up?"

You chuckle, as if that was one of the stupidest questions he could've ever asked you. "I wasn't, I was just really hoping you would answer, it'd would've been embarrassing if you didn't".

Mark pauses, collecting his words. How does he say this without sounding like a pining, desperate loser?

Well— he can't exactly avoid that.

"If I'm being honest, I was kinda hoping you would call.."

The statement is met with immediate silence, silence that punches Mark in the gut and spits on him as he falls. He almost rips off his nail with how anxious he is, but he doesn't comment on your silence. It's like that for a few minutes before you let out a small giggle of disbelief.

"Don't lie to me, Mark".

"I would never do such a thing, I'm being honest, maybe you should be too".

Mark wishes he regretted saying that, but he doesn't, he just wants you to speak your mind, he wants to hear your thoughts, he wants to hear how you feel from you. "Oh? You want me to be honest with you, Mark?"

Your tone of voice makes his stomach flip, it's not because he likes your voice, though, it is definitely not because of that. "Yeah, honesty is key, Yn".

"Honesty is key huh?" You click your tongue, a habit of yours that has made Mark dizzy since forever, you always look so good doing it, he can't even begin to imagine how you look right now. "Is telling you I missed you too honest? Or.. hm, is saying that maybe I'm not so over you honest enough for you?"

Though Mark chuckles at that response, he can't help the way his face heats up, thank god this is a phone call and he doesn't have to see you face to face (for now.. that is), he would never live it down. He can't believe you just said that, and all of this at one in the morning too? You really are full of surprises.

"No, I think I'd like to know more, actually".

"Ah, your greedy".

Mark raises an eyebrow at the words, but he doesn't confirm or deny the claim, just snickers. "What if I am? It's you after all".

"Aww, am I special?"

"Very".

You giggle again, you seem to enjoy giggling, Mark wants to make you giggle again, no, scratch that, he wants to hear you giggle again, it's so cute, you're so cute. You love the words, and Mark loves that you love the words.

You two always do this, huh? It's always with you. Yn and Mark, Mark and Yn..

Why did you guys even breakup?

Once the question crosses Mark's mind, he wants to punch himself in the face, and he's glad you're not there to see the way his face fall and his hands clench into fists. He feels like such an idiot, how is he still asking himself questions like this?

He knows why, he knows exactly why, you both know exactly why.

"It's late, Yn, you should sleep, and stop drinking".

"Do you really care that much for me?" You ask, your tone teasing, tormenting, another punch to Mark's already weakened gut.

"Yes, I do, now go to sleep Yn".

"Alright then, good nigh— morning, Mark, sleep well".

When you hang up, Mark stares at his phone for what seems like hours, he's not proud of himself for staring at your contact for as long as he does.

He can't sleep well, he's up all night thinking about you.

previous masterlist next

taglist 𓏧 ↳ @junjiie, @cosmiicdream, @prettyrenjunn, @multifandomania, @luvkyu, @x-alightinthedark, @haocovr, @joonggphilia, @choerubies, @enthusiastofmanythings, @doejaejung, @iluvkyo, @yawnzbf, @haechansbbg, @ldrei, @dkmyman, @lampcults, @monstaxpuppy, @dreamandback, @moonslie04

[leigh-kay]

Phone Calls || Ethan Landry

warnings// overused gf phonecall smut plot, you all mad at me for cutting it short probably, she touches herself and he watches lol, ethan being a menace, degradation <3

She was alone when the phone rang, watching her favorite show. She was biting into a piece of the watermelon she'd grabbed in the kitchen when it startled her into dropping it.

"Hello?" she huffed, picking up the piece from her comforter.

"Hello y/n," the rasp was unmistakable to her ears.

Reagrdless, her eyes rolled, "Turn that stupid thing off. You made me drop my watermelon you jerk."

He sighed on the other end of the line, cutting the voice changer, "You know I thought it'd be funny-"

"To call me using your serial killer persona voice? Ha. I find it hilarious."

"You said it was hot when I showed up covered in blood ," she could hear his pout.

Switching to speaker phone, she sat the phone on the pillow beside her, "It was. Hell even the voice effect is... something. But your voice is my favorite."

She continued to eat her fruit, smiling at the sound of his silence at the end of the line.

He never knew how to take compliments. His flustered behavior gave her an idea. Why not push his limits?

"You sound pretty all the time but I love when you whisper in my ear. Or when you get all grumpy and assertive and sound all... aggressive."

He can tell what she's up to, and it has the opposite effect she'd imagined. Rather than turn bashful, he cuts straight to the very tone she'd talked about.

"Is that so, baby?"

"Mhm," she smiles, though he can't see her.

"Now that I think about it... you do fall apart so easily with just a few words," he's tempting with his words, "dont you pretty?"

The fruit is moved to her bed side table as she readjusts in her sheets, "The words you choose to say play a part too you know."

"Yeah? Like what?"

Heat floods her body as she thinks of all the different things he says. When she's on top of him. When she's pinned beneath him. How he begs when he's in her mouth.

"When you call me yours."

"And don't forget it. What else?"

She can feel her panties as they catch the heat pouring out of her.

"How you say my name when you.." she trails off, eyes shut.

"When I what baby?"

A sigh rushes out of her, "when you're inside of me."

"You just love when I fuck you, don't you?"

Her fingers trail to the line of her shorts, inching them down, "You know I do."

He could hear the slight whine in her voice, "Are you touching yourself?"

She gave no answer as her fingers run through her slit.

"Answer me slut."

She rolled her eyes.

"Yes mr. psycho killer," she snorted.

"Don't roll your eyes at me baby," his voice was less angry and more teasing, "now you're gonna do what I say, yeah?"

She'd come to the conclusion that he was watching her. Which also led her to believe that if she did as she was told, he'd fuck her the way she really wanted. Deal.

"Yes sir," she smiled, eyes wandering to the window at the far side of the room. She imagined he'd be sitting there, up in the tree beside it, watching her.

"Good. Now, play with that pretty pussy just like I would hm?"

She didn't need to be told twice. Slow circles across her clit made bumps break on her skin. She could feel her temperature rising as she grew needier with the teasing touches she granted herself.

"Look at you, teasing yourself just like I would. I bet you wish it was me though," she could hear the pride in his voice and while it annoyed her, orgasms trumped annoyance any day.

She took a breath, "Ethan please."

"Please what baby?"

"Just come in and touch me," she tried to keep her composure, "I'll do anything."

"Make yourself come and we'll talk about me touching you."

She groaned in frustration, "feels so much better when its you though!"

He laughed in a breath, "I know it does. But i want to watch you."

She knew he'd get what he wanted. He always did with that smile and those stupid fucking brown eyes of his. Disagreements were nonexistent the moment he made her look at him and shes pissed at the fact just picturing him is enough to make her more agreeable.

Regardless, her fingers slip into her cunt as she mumbles his name, dragging through her in a quick speed.

"Faster, angel," he demands.

"Please," she moans, "keep talking baby, please"

"God you're a whore. Touching yourself to my voice?"

Fucking hell.

Her eyes squeeze shut as he continues, "Such a pretty whore though hm? My pretty whore."

She nodded, curling her fingers in just the right way to make her whine.

"Sound so needy too, can't fucking wait to touch you honey."

She curses as she falls apart, crying his name and within seconds her closet door is thrown open.

A scream fills her room as he steps into the light.

"Fuck you!" she huffs, shooting daggers into the man ten feet away.

"You knew I was watching," he grins, making his eay towards her before crawling ontop of her.

"You know you say my name so pretty when you come?" he teases.

She finds her eyes rolling again as she glares up at him, "You said you'd fuck me if I listened."

He laughs, fingers stroking the column of her neck as he takes her lips on his own. She was perfect for him. So needy and so fucking mean. He loved it. He loved her.

Her fingers find home in his hair as she wraps her legs around his waist, dragging him closer into her.

The hand beside her head is supporting him as his free hand locks on her waist, holding her to the mattress beneath them.

As she gives a particularly sharp tug to his hair, he gasps into the kiss, hand rushing to her throat. As he sinks his fingertips into the flesh of her neck, she grins into the kiss hes pressing to her lips, "Harder."

He fights the laugh in his throat as she stares up at him, "You're in no place to make demands."

Before she can utter another word, he's squeezing tighter and letting his mouth cover the space across her chest, enjoying the way her body reacts to every move he makes. The way her back arched and her hips would roll against nothing gave him a pride he'd never had before her. She gave him a lot of things he'd never had before.

"I think," he began to drag his hand over her still dripping pussy, "I want a taste."

Her body shivered at the contact as he got between her legs. She could feel that she was insanely wet, but his commentary on it made her body burn with embarassment.

"You get so wet for me," he grinned, pressing his lips along the insides of her thighs.

Her hands attach to his shoulders as his mouth connects with her clit, tongue immediately rolling over it in slow motions. As her hips rose from the bed, his hands locked around her waist, forcing them down.

Her head fell back as his fingers slipped inside of her. She knew she was in for a long fucking night.

[ladydeath-vanserra]

in all seriousness, Beron in the HL Meeting was so interesting to read. One of the things I've always enjoyed about fae in literature is how they use words as weapons, when they know what to say, how to say it to get the reaction they want

as instigative and callous as Beron was in the HL Meeting, he raised legitimate questions. even if he was a dickhead while he did it.

judging by his first response to Feyre, he does not believe them. Beron is very old. He's *seen* Rhys in action. He *knows* Rhys' father. He *knows* Keir. Beron reads like a very old school fae

Look at how Lucien speaks. He speaks in an almost poetic "Gentry Fae" way. Eris speaks in a very similar way. It'd stand to reason they got this particular trait from their upbringing with Beron as a father

Beron, who is very old, who has seen Rhys in all his evil mask-ery with his apartheid state court, who he was UtM with, who knew Rhys' father and was political allies with Keir, why *would* he believe that Rhys is actually this progressive and just and good fae male. why *would* he believe that Rhys was her victim all along. it fits a rather convenient time frame

I am not reading Beron "making fun of Rhys being raped". I am reading a cruel and capricious *faerie* toying with someone who has a long history of being a *liar*

He has a point in that ofc Feyre, who gave the name of an innocent girl, who is now in a relationship with the man who sexually assaulted her, isn't exactly a reliable source of information. *Why* would he believe her

I am not reading Beron making fun of Rhys being raped with the "who knew a cock could be so persuasive". I am reading a cruel faerie looking at a set of circumstances that conveniently leaves Rhys' hands clean of the deaths of a dozen kids

all they have to go on is Rhys' word. He doesn't even provide a name of the Daemati who Amarantha set after them. Beron is very old. I don't exactly see him as someone who is gonna just *trust* what Rhys has to say when he also has alliances with Keir in the CoN, who aren't allowed out from underneath that mountain or into Velaris

Why *would* he believe him when Rhys has a five hundred year old track record of being evil incarnate in the Night Court

Yes. I find it hilarious, in a very entertained way, of reading a cruel and capricious old faerie high lord poke and prod at someone he does not believe because he has no reason To believe him. It reads like a cat playing with a mouse, to me. Like dragging the actual truth out of Rhys (granted we know it's the truth. doesn't mean Beron does). Is it okay? OBVIOUSLY NOT

that doesn't mean I didn't find it interesting and enjoyable to read

@kateprincessofbluewhales

[wizzdot]

The Patron Saint of One Way Trips

Ch9

Description: more progress. Laika goes shopping with Gaz and Cap. Cap looses his cool in the lingerie shop but keeps it hidden. Gaz is upfront to John about how he feels. Progress progress progress. Johnny is busy looking after Simon!

*Laika’s POV*

I close my eyes and try to trick my brain to switch itself off. I toss and turn for what feels like hours. Everything is so foreign here. It's too clean, too spacious and open. I climb from the bed and lean down to organise an area to sleep underneath, like I had done at the safe house. Shit. The bed is solid. It has built in storage drawers underneath. I look around the room and try to figure out a more secure sleeping location. My eyes settle on the walk in wardrobe. I scramble towards the door, clutching my blankets and hanky. Yes. This would do. It's small, dark and gives me an extra barrier if someone were to intrude.

I crawl in and curl up into a ball. This was much better. A few minutes pass and I eventually fall asleep.

I don't feel well rested when I wake up to muffled knocking. I forget where I am for a few seconds, as I blink away sleep. It's pitch black. Oh yeah.. the cupboard. I'd slept in the cupboard.

"Laika" a muffled voice carries through the door. Two doors. I rush to my feet, feeling light headed from standing too quickly. I blink away the black spots in the corners of my vision and hurry to open the door. Its Gaz.

"How'd you sleep?" he asks, glancing at the bare bed with a furrowed brow. He doesn't bring it up. "Uhm.. better, I think" I respond. He smiles and holds his hand out for me to take. "Let's grab something to eat, then we can get ready for your big shopping spree. Did you not get chance to dig through your drawers? I thought Cap said he'd asked to have them filled with clothes for you. Just guessed your size but it'd be better than walking round in mine and Soap's clothes everyday..they're huge on you.." he laughs.

"I didn't think to look..I can go and get changed and give you your hoodie back if you like?" I suggest, slowing slightly as he leads me down the hall. He tugs me forward gently. "Don't want it back, love. You keep it, makes it special huh? Your first proper gift since you escaped" - "I didn't escape. Soap.... stole me." I wince at how that sounds said out loud but Kyle seems to find it hilarious. He laughs loudly "Yeah, Johnny does have a habit of taking things. He 'borrows' stuff all the time and never returns them. Guess he's went and done the same with you" he chuckles, squeezing my hand.

I find myself smiling along with him. It felt foreign on my face. "Toast again? Or cereal?" - "toast please.." - "fine, but you're having at least two slices today. No more under-eating, yeah? Gotta look after yourself, Laika. You've got a busy few weeks ahead of you". My happiness fades, I feel like I'd been doused with a bucked of ice cold water. Oh yeah, I forgot. This was temporary. Just a few weeks. Then I'd be on my own again. Abandoned when I was no longer useful.

I lean against the counter as Gaz flutters around the kitchen. The toast is in front of me before I have chance to snap out of my sad thoughts. "Remember what I said? Eat up, busy few weeks ahead, yeah." That's it, Gaz, rub it in. "Yeah" I reply "busy few weeks". I repeat glumly. Gaz furrows his brows, but tries to brush over whatever had upset me. I can tell he is confused.

*Gaz's POV*

I had set my alarm early - I was buzzing to spend the day off base with my Alpha and Laika. A rare treat for us when we were usually bogged down by missions and paperwork. I had showered and dressed before knocking on Laika's door. Weird. I thought she was a light sleeper but for some reason it took her about a minute to start rustling about after I'd started knocking. She greeted me at the door, still wearing mine and Johnny's clothes. That caught me off guard a little bit.

I smile at her and lead her down the hallway. Her hand feels so nice in mine. I was stupid and brought up the clothes and my hoodie and she thought I wanted my hoodie back. That was the last thing I wanted. She seems pleased when I offer the hoodie to her as a gift but she doesn't really say anything. To be honest, it's more of a gift to myself. I swear I can start smelling a tiny hint of something that wasn't mine or Johnny's scent. Could just be whatever she used to shower.

She seems to withdraw from me, all of a sudden. What did I say? Did I upset her by telling her to eat more. Fuck, Kyle. You stupid prick. I needed to have a chat with Cap.. he always knew how to diffuse this sort of situation. I'd do that when I drop her back at her room to get changed for her shopping trip. Hopefully she still wanted to go. Fuck, she looked so out of it again. Maybe it's the drugs still in her system...

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

Gaz leads me back to my room again after I'd eaten a slice and a half of toast. He seemed a little sad. He probably wasn't looking forward to being dragged out to the shops with me. His time could probably be better spent.. "I - I don't mind if you'd rather not come to the shops with me.. I don't want you to feel like I'm dragging you off base when you have more important things to do.." I offer him an out.

*Gaz's POV*

My stomach drops.. she didn't want me to go with her anymore. Think Kyle, think!

"Do you not want me to come? It's your call, love" I say in the most balanced voice I can manage. She furrows her brow and looks up at me. Why is she confused? I'm confused..

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

"I just don't want to be a burden.. I - I would like you to come with me.. but only if you actually want to..." I murmur, feeling guilty. "That's settled then, I'm coming" he smiles brightly. I remind myself that this is only temporary. "The clothes I told you about are in the drawers under the bed. I asked to put a few shoes in one of the drawers too, checked the size of your boots at the safe house. Hope you don't mind..." - "You didn't have to do that.. I feel bad that you're wasting money on me.." - "None of that" he interrupts before continuing "we get paid well and have very little opportunity to spend it, so it's actually nice to buy things. Especially for you.." he trails off.

I rub the back of my neck, feeling anxious under his gaze. "I'll shower and get dressed then.. Is the Captain ready?" - "He said he needed to call Laswell quickly, he should be ready whenever we are. I'll wait in the kitchen for you. Just come find me when you're done" he smiles and waits at the door before turning away when I start closing it. I quickly shower and change, choosing some black cargo style trousers and a form-fitting black body suit. It was all fairly standard military issue clothing but I actually liked it. It was comfortable and...mine.

Lined neatly in the drawers on the other side of the bed are a few pairs of shoes. I immediately feel guilty even though he had told me not to. There were black converse, and a few branded trainers. They had spent far too much on me, I was going to tell him. I choose the converse and put my hair in a tidy low-bun. Time to find Gaz.

When I reach the kitchen, Gaz and the Captain are already waiting. John jingles the car keys at me in a friendly nature with the sweet smile that he so often has on his face. "Let's go and get you decked out with whatever you need, Y/N".

John drives, Gaz sits up front and I sit in the back. I find myself biting my nails, trying to distract myself from the anxiety clawing at me. Gaz faces me from the front seat - "What is first on your list?" - "shower stuff and socks and.. underwear.." I reply awkwardly, blushing slightly. "Did you have stuff to use in the shower at base? I asked for some to be provided before we arrived" the captain asks "yeah.. there were a couple of small bottles of the unscented stuff.." I explain.

*Gaz's POV*

That answer piqued my interest... so if the shower gel she used was unscented, that means that whatever the faint smell I could pick up that wasn't Johnny or I, must be hers. That must mean that the drugs were fading from her system. I feel the Alpha in me get a little excited at the possibility of finally learning her scent. Beta's had nice calming, soft scents. I needed to get closer and try and scent her.. find out what she smells like.

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV*

The captain pulls up at a large multi-shop shopping center and we all get out of the car and walk towards the main entrance. I feel a little anxious - this was the first time in years that I'd been out in public without having an objective to track someone or assassinate a target. I felt as if everyone's eyes were on me but that was just my anxiety talking. I am safe with John and Kyle... "I think we should just start at the first shop we get to and work our way around, clockwise - that's probably easiest. Y/N - whatever you see, just pick it up. There is no limit or budget. I mean that.." John explains. I nod while still biting my finger nails. He gently removes my hand from my mouth and tutts at me "bad habit, that".

Gaz grabs my hand and smiles. He was good at reassuring me.. always there with a kind smile or gentle encouragement. "Let's go then" he says.

The shopping trip is successful, I am exhausted though. I slump into the back seat of the car while the Alpha's load several bags into the boot. They insisted on literally buying anything I so much as looked at. We came away with soft fur blankets, pillows, cushions, clothes, underwear, shower and skin care products, jackets, shoes, workout gear, jeans, other clothing - hell - John even bought me some summer dresses that he had caught me gazing at. He refused to take no for an answer. Gaz had disappeared for a few minutes and returned with a build-a-bear styled after himself, cap and everything. He gives it to me and it REEKS of him - he must have scented it. I blush and take it. John shakes his head fondly at the young Alpha.

*John's POV*

The Alpha inside of me was positively preening. A happy Kyle and Y/N was a job well done as far as I was concerned. Kyle had told me in the kitchen to try and scent Laika closely today because he had picked up an unknown scent earlier under his and Johnny's clothes - that was interesting. I am aware of it all day. It's faint - hardly even there, but every time she feels nervous or happy, it heightens a little. It was almost like a reward, the Alpha inside of me quickly learnt. We had developed quite a good little routine.

It went like this - Laika shows interest in something from afar, I move her toward it and encourage her to get it for herself, she hesitates and makes up excuses on why she shouldn't, I send Kyle with my card to buy it anyway. She gets all bashful and I get a fleeting hint of that faint scent that had started coming from her. See something. Buy it for her. Inhale her scent. Repeat - repeat - repeat.

I almost lost the plot in the lingerie shop. I wasn't quite sure what came over me but I had to push the Alpha down, I was getting far too excited and I could tell Y/N was feeling a little awkward, especially when the cashier called her a 'lucky girl' while glancing between the three of us. I feel myself grumbling with pride and stepping closer to her and Kyle. Snap out of it, John. She isn't your pack. Chill out!

*Laika's (Y/N's) POV)

I fall asleep on the drive home, comforted by the teddy with the scent of Gaz. The car smelt strongly of the entire pack but John and Kyle's scents were certainly heaviest. Since when did I start recognising scents so well? Another thing I should bring up to the doctor when I eventually feel brave enough to visit.

*Gaz's POV*

I nudge John and tell him to look at Laika. She had fallen asleep clutching the Gaz-bear up at her nose. John shocks me when he purrs slightly. I whisper so I don't risk waking her up "S'not only me feeling oddly attached to her, then..?"

"Kyle.." he warns in a grumbly whisper. "Don't get ahead of yourself".

I feel a little deflated at his answer before he speaks up again, rubbing my scent gland with his rough fingers "But yes, there is something intriguing about her, isn't there? Oranges and honey and something flowery.. I can't put my finger on it - it's faint but it's her.."

The Alpha inside of me hums happily, feeling encouraged at the pack Alpha's opinion.

"I want her to stay, Cap" - "I know you do, Gaz.. but we have to take things at her pace. We don't know much about her. And Simon isn't the most welcoming. We've got to look after our pack as well.. can't just make decisions for everyone without discussing them first.."

"I'll speak to Johnny, I think Ghost could come round if he gave her a chance.."

"We'll see Gaz, but don't get your hopes up" he squeezes my thigh from the drivers seat.

I stare at Y/N who sleeps the entire way back to base.

Beautiful.

[descendant-of-truth]

I know that the reason Sonic uses a lot of English phrases in Japanese is because that's a culturally "cool" thing to do in Japan (at least in fiction), and it's not something English dubs have ever tried to replicate, but honestly I think it would've been a fun trait to carry over regardless. In fact, I say we should be increasing the number of languages Sonic is pulling out at random

Like, just take all the instances of him using English in the original script and start cycling through different languages. Think of how many different ways he could say "yes" or "no way" or "are you alright". It'd be hilarious

"But how would anyone understand him" You canNOT tell me that all of Sonic's English quips would be understood by everyone, either. No way does Japanese Knuckles know what "wow, what a great view" means off the top of his head, and he doesn't care because he's trying to pummel him in that scene anyway

Tails understands him perfectly, though. He's used to it by now

[nocreativityfornames]

Random Obey Me! Headcanons Part 3

Asmo collects plushies, he finds the little things absolutely adorable and has tons of them in his room. And yes, you'll see Asmo's eyes lit up like a kid if you ask him about them and their individual names. He will also be glad to explain each one's little story and how he got them, and you would be endeared to find that a good portion of the plushies were given by the other brothers themselves, who have known about his love for collecting for a long time now.

Belphie is one of those people who when you ask them for something will ALWAYS blatantly say no at first but then proceed to nonchalantly do the exact thing you asked with no ounce of shame whatsoever, maybe even smirk a little as they finish doing whatever it is you asked. It's a little annoying at first, but you eventually get used to it. He's just likes being a brat, really.

Satan had an emo phase as a teenager, he would dye his hair black, only wear dark clothes, paint his nails regularly ( with the help of Asmo ), listen to typical emo music, the whole nine yards. And of course, he was more rebellious than ever, refusing to listen to his brothers and just any authority figures in general. He's ashamed of it now and cringes hard seeing pictures of himself back then. As any good father older brother would though, Lucifer always manages to embarrass him by bringing up that phase and even showing the "cursed pictures" to friends/potencial partners Satan brings home.

Levi likes to hide in small spaces when he's anxious, overwhelmed, or just doesn't wanna deal with something ( social interactions more often than not ). Oh, you're at a party and you can't find Levi anywhere? Check the less crowded room, more specifically under the tables, he's probably there playing games on his phone. Hm, it's lunch break at RAD and the third born is nowhere to be seen? Inside his locker, or maybe the janitor's closet. He doesn't know exactly why he does it, but it's a habit that's been with him ever since he was a small angel. Those places just comfort him, somehow. And don't worry, he's pretty flexible so it works out just fine. I mean, why else would he be okay sleeping in a bathtub?

MC and Mephisto didn't meet for the first during S4. In fact, these two first met only a week into the exchange program, with Mephisto interviewing MC for the RAD Newspaper. Because of course, the public was dying to know more about the newest exchange student who had just entered the academy, and multiple news outlets were covering MC's arrival and curious situation, given that they had been placed with the seven brothers at HoL, and had gotten into a pact with Mammon so quickly. Being aware of all of this, Mephisto knew that an exclusive interview with MC would give everyone in the kingdom something to talk about, and so he sought to be the first one to get his hands on one. ( Also he was very intrigued and eager to known more about MC, but of course he'd never admit that. )

Belphie and Mammon both have piercings around their bodies. Mammon especially likes the golden and grey ones that match his rings, while Belphie prefers them black ( because of course he would ).

For the first 2-3 months of the exchange program, MC genuinely thought Diavolo and Lucifer were a couple. This happened because ever since day 1 they were hearing "funny comments" about the two of them and just assumed they were in an actual relationship. And no one ever bothered to correct them because they found it hilarious, and wanted to see how long it'd take for them to find out the truth. Some of the brothers even went as far as purposely making up stories to lead MC to believe that Lucifer was out on dates with Diavolo when he wasn't at home and they came looking for him ( and the bastards would immediately start laughing the moment MC left the room ). MC only found out the truth when they were talking to Lucifer about Diavolo one day and casually replied to something he said with "But that's not really surprising since he's your boyfriend" and Lucifer just went ???? "Excuse me?? What did you just say?" and proceeded to explain that he and Diavolo were in fact not in a relationship. ( the punishment he gave his brothers after finding out about this "little prank" of theirs was no joke, but none of them regretted it, it was "just too funny", in their own words )

Lucifer's voice changes DRASTICALLY depending on his mood. Like, the more serious/stressed he is, the deeper it goes, and the more relaxed/content he is, the softer it becomes. You can hear it cleary when you compare the way he sounds on a regular basis when lecturing the others, speaking about work, giving speeches as RAD's vice president, etc, to rare occasions when he's talking about music and art, playfully teasing the others, or recalling a nice moment from the past. It's like there are 3 stages to his voice: usual deep, furiously deep ( that iconic "Mammooon" ), and ACTUALLY SOFT. The ones who get to hear his "nice voice" the most are MC, Diavolo, Barbatos, Luke, and Beel.

One that's already been discussed by other players but that I'd like to add on: demons ( and angels as well ) give humans "uncanny valley feeling" and MC could tell there was something ""wrong"" with brothers ( they aren't humans ) the moment they first laid their eyes on them in the council room. And my addition to this is: although the brothers all give off this feeling, it's to varying degrees that depend on how much they can blend in as a human. And Satan is the only who can bypass this "filter" almost completely, because remember when Lucifer first introduced him by saying something along the lines of "He might look nice but don't fall for it because it's an act"? Well, I like to think that Satan also looks the most "normal" out of his brothers when it comes to the "uncanny valley feeling" because of this too, since he has pretty much mastered the art of appearing trusting to deceive humans back in the day and is still the best at disguising himself as human to not to scare people away when visiting the human world and such.

Solomon has a hobby of solving jigsaw puzzles, like, you know those huge ones that take over the entire table or floor? He absolutely loves them and will gladly spend a whole day focused on completing them if needed. And if you offer to solve one with him? Oh, he'll get so excited it's actually kind of adorable. So do it, it's the road to his heart, even if you find it boring.

Lucifer leaves Beel on charge whenever he has a work-related trip, or simply intends on spending more time out of the house than usual. It's easy, as long as the second youngest keeps everything in order, Lucifer promises to take him to any restaurant he wants ( no matter how expensive ), and to let him eat to his heart's content when he comes back. Oh, Mammon is trying to sneak out of the house to gamble all their money away? Nuh-uh, Beel's not letting him leave through that door! Asmo's planning to take advantage of the fact that Lucifer is out to throw a party? Nope, Beel's stopping him. Satan & Belphie are trying to get into Lucifer's room to prank him? Yeah nah, Beel's dragging them back to their own rooms. Really, it works wonders, not only because Beel has the most physical strength out of everyone and can overpower them, but also because none of them have the heart to actually argue with him.

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

Wow, my Baldur's Gate 3 post blew up somewhat... nice. Well, time for more headcanons, of the unapologetically horny variety. (Yes, yes, I know everyone and their mother has done this already, well here's mine. Nyeh.)

Including: Astarion, The Emperor, Gale, Halsin, Jaheira, Karlach, Lae'zel, Raphael, Shadowheart, Wyll, and Zevlor

Tumblr is run by unfun prudes who would like my 30-year-old thoughts to remain Chaste and Pristine™ so filth under the cut until they ban me or whatever

Astarion

So the truly hilarious thing about Astarion is that he claims to be a pillow princess, but is almost always a dom. Like, I find it very funny that he enjoys the Aesthetics™ of being a spoiled brat, too delicate and pampered to lift a finger, but in reality, he's a bit of a work horse who finds having nothing to do dull as rocks.

Not to say that he doesn't enjoy receiving, I fully believe he does, but I think it's mostly relaxing at best and dissociative at worst. We'll assume though he's with a trusted partner for now though, rather than deal with the Hang Ups. I think inevitably he'd eventually roll over and change positions and end up in charge. I think it's an undeniable itch for him, even when he's being treated very well. There's just something so enthralling and exciting about being in control and playing with someone. It gives him a satisfying challenge the way being a pillow princess doesn't.

I think sex is particularly about aesthetics for Astarion as well. Bondage, costume, the art and immersion of it would be appealing. Role play would naturally extend out of this, especially as a safe outlet for some of his more complicated feelings. Succeeding at multiple layers of social interaction and intimacy would be extremely rewarding for him, I think.

He's also a very giving lover. I'm not sure praise would quite do it for him, that's not exactly his build. The submission though... oh yes, that does wonders. And he's very keen to reward that submission with nice things, sweet things, unbearably sweet, more than you can take... that's the kind of torture he's into, whining, begging, pleading, from the too muchness of it all, from how good he's being to you... mmm, yes, that's the stuff. It's soothing to understand you can be in control and not hurt people, to know that the control is not corruptive, not a bad thing in itself. I think it'd do a lot for his confidence and self-image.

Also, very into feeding as a sexual thing. He is a hedonist after all, more pleasure is more pleasure.

(The) Emperor

Hey, haters to the left, please. We believe in free love here and that includes the tentacle-y kind.

Look, okay, the dude comes on... strong. Too strong, to be honest. A little overly possessive, overly needy, but there is a hot, sweet core in there. And with a little patience, time, and reassurance, that can be honed into a respectful balance. If you can be patient and take your time, you can help him understand that he doesn't need to be in your every thought or be constantly touching to still have a deep bond. Do gotta watch those tendencies though.

That said, tentacles are a gift! Strong, dexterous, perfect for holding, squeezing, manipulating, and of course, inserting. It's hard to imagine a more intuitive metaphor for desire than tentacles, constantly grasping as they are. And boy, the Emperor wants. Also potentially has some experience using these, probably has a fair idea of how to make this good for both of you, so a pretty good bonus there.

While the Emperor tends to think he knows best and never enters anything without a plan, I think he'd be willing to take instruction. Your pleasure would be a point of pride so if something could be going better, I think he'd listen. Communication reaffirms trust after all. It's no dishonor to be spoken to or even commanded.

Honestly not sure illithid experience pleasure outside of making you orgasm and just like voyeuring or skimming the pleasure off your brain, so it's probably all about you here. Which also means we're probably not looking at marathon sessions; it'll be just the right amount of attention to a big, satisfying orgasm and then warm, languid rest. But the trick is, you're not going to get any gentle, casual encounters. His focus is unparalleled so it's very hard to back off of 100. That's fun, but can be exhausting, especially if you like a bit of variety.

Gale

Sometimes it's hard to see what Mystra saw in Gale; other times it's blinding. He's the most self-congratulating, infuriating, annoying bastard you know and he's also, somehow, perfect. What the fuck. The basic problem with Gale is that he'll tell you, to your face, that he fucked a goddess and when and where and how and the worst thing of all is he's not lying; he's actually good.

Gale has the enviable qualities of simultaneously being very laid back and very enthusiastic. He's happy with whatever position you suggest and is just thrilled to be invited. Throws himself into whatever's on the table.

Not to say that he doesn't have ideas, god, but he never shuts up about his ideas. And they're all, frustratingly, really good ideas too! "Oh, well I thought since we're in the hot tub, a little ice in my fingertips might be electrifying." "Have you considered the effects of shifting local gravity so you could ride me longer?" "I've taken the liberty of enchanting your dildo so you can feel it when you peg me!" God, don't you just hate him for being right all the time?

And to make matters worse, the stupid prick is full of wondering adoration for you, always trying to give you the best time possible, the best time ever. And he cares So Much he even notices if The Most Sensations Ever isn't the right thing right now and adjusts. He's just as happy to sit and cuddle or read next to each other. Ugh, disgusting. It's like someone made him in the Best Lover Conceivable factory and blew the whole budget on just him! Like, why Mystra gotta ruin the dating scene like that?!

Trouble is, he's obsessively good at doing exactly what you want because he was groomed by a goddess so... 😬 Sometimes you have to remind him he's enough. Sometimes you have to let him know that he isn't as good as what he could do for others, that he was already good, just on his own. Sometimes you gotta take care of him because he won't remember and he won't realize. And he might pout and object, but he deserves a good time too. Not that he wasn't having a good time but... you know what I mean. Let him be the focus.

Gale's very into attention and a slow, sweet time. Work him up painstakingly, bring him to the edge of begging, tell him what a good boy he is. He'll be crying with pleasure. Don't let him rush, rushing is a cheap shortcut and it means he doesn't have to endure being adored just as much as he adores you. It's the only time he'll ever be shy, having to accept love. But this should also, of course, always be paired with letting him reciprocate. One-sided affection or interaction would be torture for the poor boy. He wants so badly to be good, but gotta temper that a bit with reminding him he already is.

Halsin

Oakfather giving Mystra a run for her mother for "ruining the dating scene" with this one. Only The Oakfather went "thicc whores only" and the world cried amen for we were blessed.

What can we say about this polyamorous icon that hasn't already been said? Well, perhaps counter to some above examples, Halsin blessedly doesn't have to be at 110% all the time. Having a soft time is just as good as a rough ride. Although... we all know you're getting more of the latter on average, right?

The nice thing about Halsin is you don't have to worry about him denying himself or doing things just because he thinks you want them; he's a master of balance. He absolutely has his own personal, selfish desires and he knows how to serve them in turn. There's something refreshingly organic about Halsin's attraction, he's into you for perceptible maybe even measurable reasons, you don't have to worry about what's going on in that beautiful head of his so much.

A lot of energy in this one though, gotta be aware of that appetite. But hey, if you're into Halsin, you're probably open to maybe a couple more partners, together or separately. Halsin is certainly down for all of those combos.

Very generous lover, not satisfied until you say so. Down for any length of time, any position, but he strikes me as a man who's not into a lot of frills. Sex is about the physical pleasure, those animalistic instincts, and the kinetic energy between people being used and blended to create something more, something almost beyond us. A lot of artifice and dressing up wouldn't make a lot of sense to him and he's not likely to get much out of it. Don't think he'd yuck your yum, but unlikely to participate himself.

Might even prefer multiple partners at once and the longer the session the better. Short sessions are possible, but he's not going to enjoy it as much unless he can get really into the rhythm of it. Again, it's about balancing the energy, which often involves a bit of warm up and getting into the groove to truly satisfy. If one partner, high energy is best if possible. Come in with some goals in mind or you might get overwhelmed. Wouldn't be surprised if sometimes Halsin doesn't come at all due to his unreal stamina and thresholds.

Can't think of a better teacher to help you try something new though. Patient, kind, thoughtful with feedback from long experience. And he's incredibly appreciative of the unique skills every person has, the things only they bring are always valuable to him, something to be cherished and enjoyed. One of the few people who can be instructive, encouraging, and erotic all at the same time. It's a rare breed.

Jaheira

I'd let Mama Harper boss me around any day. And she is decidedly the boss, she's been giving orders since before I was born and that isn't about to change. Strong dom MILF energy here. And she definitely knows what she wants so those orders are going to be clear and consistent.

I don't think the strap is her preference, but I don't think she'd be opposed. But as another druid, I think she likes to go in bare handed, as it were. And, to be fair, she doesn't need help, I've seen those hands work a lash. She's strong and flexible, whatever you ask for she can give. She seems to have less in the raw energy department than Halsin, but I'll chalk that up to not being chief. I think it would take awhile to wear her down though, can't take her for fast or easy. Just like Halsin, I bet she prefers longer sessions to shorter, but would probably be a bit more flexible on this.

I think her real specialty is probably ropes, any kind of bondage. And she seems keen to teach the uninitiated, to make it not scary and safe. Her argument being the restraint in and of itself heightens the pleasure, why not try it? Not a bad argument.

She also probably enjoys herself most getting a work out in. She can be gentle for you, but her own pleasure is found in conquering, mastering. A test of strength or wills would probably be called for here. Tbh, I can't imagine her being that interested until you can prove you're a match for her in some way. Not terribly interested in coddling.

Karlach

Oh, a goddess among mere mortals. Those tits, that ass! She could break me in half and I would thank her, crying tears of joy. Karlach deserves every happiness on earth. Karlach is maybe the most enthusiastic person here, and that's saying something. The feeling of being close to others, but specifically sex, is such an important love language to Karlach. She has high physical needs and so is very excited and very determined to make you have as good a time as she is having. Unfortunately, sometimes this has a spiraling effect that results in questions like "how many orgasms is too many orgasms?" She just gets carried away, poor thing. But, nonetheless, as addictive as a good time is, you'll probably run out of stamina before she does. Though I bet she'd still keep going past the point of discomfort for herself, just because she's so excited and in love and bursting with joy and energy. It's hard to stop when there's so much you want to say and do and experience. Especially after being restrained so long.

On that topic, bondage probably not a good fit here. Anything that prevents touch for her is not really going to be her thing.

On the flip side, there is no such thing as too much, too hard, too long. I cannot imagine someone more eager to gobble you up, to taste you everywhere, to squeeze you close and shudder and gasp until your sweat smells the same. Like... she is here for this, she is into it. And she'll intuitively go for whatever is going to be more tactile, more of your touch and your body on hers. But also more scent, more excitement. She's going to respond like lightning to any little squeak or shiver to get any reaction out of you. She's so hungry for it.

And she's had a lot of time to think of ideas so you won't run dry on creativity for a good long while. Also important to note, she's only going to be a fast draw in the early days when everything is so urgent. She will slow down in time, though I think she'll end up running faster and hotter than most here. Her appetite is strong, but her stamina is actually on the low side. So more orgasms, but less space between them. Over stimulation is going to be huge here.

Not sure she has the patience for role play or anything fancy. This is not to say she isn't vocal she is... very vocal. Constantly. But that's quite affirming. And I think she'd be pretty into displays, perhaps even a bit of exhibitionism. After all, voyeurism/exhibitionism is all she had for awhile, so I suspect that would carry over into now. I think in particular she'd like to show you off, since she has a keen understanding of the eroticism of visuals. Not everyone's cup of tea of course, and she doesn't have to, but she just gets excited and proud. This makes her feel so good she can't help wanting to shout about it.

All of this said, she's also probably the most attentive in safety and aftercare. Halsin is a safety nut as well, but Karlach absolutely dotes. She wants to make sure she didn't hurt you or wear you out in any way and so will make extra, extra sure any little need is taken care of.

Lae'zel

Lae'zel's pussy could kill a man, in fact, it probably has. Not the most romantic of our choices, at least at first, but vigorous, satisfying, honestly intimidating. But, sex is very accessible with Lae'zel. Sex is part of communion for her, but in a different way than Halsin. It's exercise and contest and entertainment and group cohesion all in one. For these reasons, she's not as intimidating as you'd expect because just you saying yes to her pleases her. If she's invited you, that means she's already judged you worthy. She's not going to be upset when giving pointers because she has no hang ups about how sex is supposed to work. She doesn't expect you to read her mind and would probably be mad if you tried. Clear communication is part of this and you already earned the trust for it.

And on the flip side, she will not be distressed by you stating your desires because she's also not trying to read your mind. She wants you to trust her enough to say what you want. Honestly, she's probably a good starting place for virgins, her openness would be soothing. She might even have the patience to instruct, though she's not a terribly patient woman in general.

Also, not to bury it, Lae'zel just likes sex, the sweat, the scents, the weird, sticky feelings of it, the shivering glow through the body. Sex is fun for her and that's obvious in her vocalizations, both articulated words and not. And she knows that the more times you have sex with the same partner, the easier it gets, the more enjoyable it is. I think she'd like watching that progress, like a good team coming together. It's a sign of trust and affection. And in time, if she comes to trust you a lot, the sex becomes even more intimate and vulnerable, as you start to trust each other experimenting, going by instinct rather than plan. Those little shifts would be thrilling for her as she learns to improvise and accept new ideas. Surprising her would be delightful because she always thinks she has the upper hand. How fun to show her that's not always the case.

Lae'zel is a dom more out of necessity than desire, I think. She's probably a switch, happy with whatever suits; she just ends up doming a lot because no one has earned her subbing/she doesn't trust enough yet. But taking turns would also be valuable team building for her, important everyone trains even the skills they're weak at. Together, we become better at sex and at understanding each other. Weirdly, a very emotionally healthy outlook.

Raphael

I think I feel about Raphael as others feel about Enver Gortash. I want to project every flithy, nasty ass thought onto this wet rag of a man. So, without further ado: humiliation is the name of the game. I think if you fucked Haarlep in front of him, binding him so he couldn't do anything, only watch as Haarlep groans about how much better you are than Raphael, I think he'd come in his over-tailored pants. Cuckold the shit out of him. I think he needs to be stepped on, pegged, and drooling in the street. Never let him have his own way. I think he'd see stars getting pushed around like that. I think it would be great for him. Just use him like a cock sleeve, really dig in there. Absolutely deserved.

Like, imagine if this whole thing is his cringefail attempt to court Zariel. Imagine that level of humiliation. Works on this for thousands of years, only to burn his own house down over a few puny mortals stealing his shit. Oh my goddddd.

If nothing else, it would be Fucking Hilarious.

Shadowheart

So Shadowheart is probably into some hardcore stuff, right? She strikes me as someone with a bit of a home invasion kink. Definitely here for the blindfold/sensory deprivation kink. Restraints, but not just bondage, I'm thinking vinyl suits. Shadowheart's definitely into the unconventional. The more toys and artifice, the better.

It's probably next to impossible for Shadowheart to relax sexually. I don't think it's that she isn't into sex, but it's probably difficult for her to calm down and feel safe being vulnerable, get in touch with soft, gentle things that are just nice. Things that hurt a bit are more comfortable, more familiar, and even have less to do with her personally so she doesn't have to deal with her own feelings and preferences. But, with a bit of patience and a firm hand, you could coax Shadowheart into easing up, allowing herself to be taken care of, and to enjoy just a simple hand job or the too soft touch of lips. She's a bit of a project, but especially if you enjoy a bit of darkness and danger, very rewarding.

And Shadowheart would be big into reciprocation, you can't do something nice for her without her doing the same to you. And she'd take it as a point of pride that she's very good at making people beg for mercy. I think she'd become very giving over time, if you can be patient and teach her how to enjoy herself, in time she will give as much and more back to you.

And to be clear, not suggesting she doesn't also and always enjoy a bit of bondage and sensory deprivation, but I think she'd enjoy it more once she's come to terms with the fact this is not a service she's required to provide, an act which could determine her worth, but just occupations she enjoys for herself, outside of external validation. Teaching Shadowheart to masturbate could be huge. I do worry about her some times. A little self-love lessons might be necessary.

Edging also definitely something to try here. The slower the better. But, it's gotta have that pay off, or she'll start circling back to denial is the end in itself. Which... maybe sometimes, but there's also a lot to be enjoyed in the climax too!

Wyll

Hard to find a sweeter, gentler soul on the road. And a softer touch too. Needless to say, it's a lot of firsts with Wyll. But, he's a quick study and enjoys being tender and lovely. And I'll say it right now, even with this illustrious company, I don't think anyone gives better head than Wyll Ravenguard. Such a soft mouth and singularly focused and determined, he genuinely enjoys it too. It's such an act of service and this boy is all about acts of service. He wouldn't even get distracted by his own pleasure, just entirely focused on what he can give you. Halsin might have greater skill, but that heartfelt desire is unparalleled.

Wyll is made to be commanded, he will do whatever you say in bed. Even if you gave him control, I'm not sure he'd want it and definitely wouldn't know what to do with it. Now, not to say he's a pillow princess, those hips are doing their share of heavy lifting. Just to say that he wants instruction, he wants to follow your lead and let you tell him what to do. Praise would be huge here, tell him what a good boy he is, how well he's doing, he'd go mad.

To prolong the pleasure, a little orgasm denial may be useful, make him work for it. He loves a challenge and a test to prove his worthiness. And, in time, you could get experimental with him as you build his confidence. Maybe a little exhibitionism. Maybe a little bondage, a little role play. As long as the trust and love is there, Wyll's willing to try anything once.

Maybe the most fun thing about Wyll is Wyll actually can keep it down. Some of us just have to scream about it, but Wyll can actually get away with a fair mount because of his cool exterior. And Wyll is available for quickies, an advantage over some others here since he doesn't require a huge amount of energy set aside to have a good time. Wyll responds better to smaller but frequent affection and physical touch than big events spaced out. And Wyll is impulsively romantic, he likes to surprise with fun ideas and sudden invitations, which is a reward unto itself.

Zevlor

And a win for Team Sexualizing Old Men! I remember my roots. It is truly a tragedy that Larian won't let me sex up that old man. Look at him, you know it'd be good. So tender, so thorough. And Zevlor deserves something nice god damn it.

You know he knows what he's about. None of that shy, awkward fumbling you get with the new kids. Heck, he probably knows how to get you off standing against a wall, still in his armor! A true prince among men here. Don't think because no one's asked in awhile his skills have diminished.

Very passable oral skills, surprisingly long stamina, not just in oral too ;). Not the fastest ride you'll ever have and some positions are probably going to be out, battle-scarred knees and such, but for my money, absolutely delightful. Don't have to contend with more power than sense here.

And hey, if you want some Honorable Mentions like Aylin, Enver Gortash, or Dammon, let me know! I'm always down to give sexual headcanons no one wanted! 

[splitster]

answering more POM WRAITH au/Pingo asks!!

featuring: biology questions, creatures, dingo (unfortunately), and more!! check it out ↓↓

she does need sleep! she doesn't need to sleep as often as people, but she's a little wraith and she needs to snooze every like... i dunno. three days? sure, let's go with that.

although in the first few days of her being on PNF404, i could see her getting bored one night and poking around her crewmate's rooms to see what they're doing (spoilers: they're all just sleeping). in the morning after, dingo talks about a very bizarre dream he had with a specter watching him sleep! everyone dismisses it as the ranger having some weird sleep paralysis, but pom's sweating at the table thinking about how she should be way more careful if she does that again.

this ask did inspire me though, i'll probably make more art explaining how she works sometime later hehe...

that'd be scary... although, if there's anyone incentivized to wraithify olimar, it'd probably be the plasm wraith! that golden goo is really fond of him, and they'd love to make olimar just like them

WAHH THANK YOU!!! if they ever dated and got married they'd be able to save on a dress! hehe

she might look kinda scary but she's a sweetheart!! pom would genuinely struggle to make herself hurt humans. if there's a beast threatening her crew though -- that thing is mince meat!!

WAAAHHH THANK YOU!! it's definitely a challenge to make it fit with the other wraiths but still be unique... it was fun to design though!!

IM SORRY i didn't get to your ask before i actually posted the full wraith design... there she is though!! HILAHERHLIAEERH

yes!! he's the first one to discover her secret. it'd probably happen on accident out on the field pretty early on when pom is forced to defend herself with no pikmin, but it's no difference to Oatchi -- pom is pom! he'd bark and give her helmet a lick, and when pom realizes her rescue pup isn't scared of her it's quite the relief...

i have art of oatchi and wraith pom i'll be posting later!!

WAHHH... this is cute i like this hehe!! dingo sees those striking X eyes and still falls in love!! GRRRR i must draw more pingo now...

AUGH.... OK!! more pingo on the way then boss 🫡 (i do appreciate it though lmao)

she doesn't need to eat human food, but she does need to consume living creatures for biomass! human food is definitely delicious and she very much enjoys things like chocolate or hot coco, but to sustain her form and keep up energy she has to go for creatures

i'll probably make art for this later to explain better, but it is kinda like an amoeba -- after killing something, she can cover it and dissolve it with her goo. easy peasy!

Louie: You're a wraith? I thought you were just weird like me Pom: ... Louie: ... Can you go get creatures for me

pom is trying her best to understand human social cues and etiquette but it's a struggle sometimes!

i took psychic damage from this ask thank you for penis ringo💖

YES!!!!!!!!! there are so, so many ways that could happen and each one is hilarious... i've written out a few different scenarios, i should pick one to draw out... it'd be funny if dingo learns her secret but decides to trust her and keep it safe. but he's, you know. dingo. he's not good at lying, especially to his crewmates (and especially to his actual childhood friend of a doctor who was already very suspicious of the new blood!)

of COURSE i'm very abnormal about those two.... actually if y'all have scenarios you wanna see with those two, send more asks and i'll probably end up drawing them lol

that's actually a really good question! i haven't thought too much about how her full wraith would visually change, but if she ate enough and got stronger i imagine she'd finally be as big as the other two. she'd probably gain more wraithy abilities and attacks! trying to take down a powered up full wraith pom would be a very difficult fight, even for those with the best dandori skills and a full squad of pikmin

Pom: I can't let anyone find out my secret... Shepherd: I can't let anyone find out my secret... Collin: I can't let anyone find out my secret... Dingo: I can't let anyone find out my secret... Yonny: this is gonna be fun Bernard: (doesn't care if people find out) Russ: (doesn't care if people find out) Oatchi: bark

[hiemaldesirae]

LOOL YES!! That's what you get Alastor!! Cursed cat!Alastor adores Vox and would never hurt him. Honestly it'd be hilarious if Vox does an interview that night and the entire hotel (plus Lucifer) catches it and Cursed cat!Alastor is on Vox's shoulders just purring away and happily nuzzling Vox's screen and being happily petted and Alastor is gripping his fixed staff, grinding his fangs, jealousy leaking from him.

Charlie is pleased: "Alastor, I knew you could find that cat a good home! Thank you! =D"

Everyone else is fucking shocked. They know Alastor threw that cat at the Vees for entertainment and hell raising purposes (and in Husk's case, a way to try and get Vox to come back to him. Most of Alastor's schemes involving the Vees always, always revolve about getting Vox back.)

The interview is about a new product of Voxtech, but at the end of it, they ask about Vox's new pet and Vox just puffs up, proud as can be:

Vox: "This little demon just charged into the lobby, brutally attacking my staff! 2 or 3 died, I think 4 or 5 were maimed so I of course had to keep him! Isn't that right, Venom? (Cause Vox thought he had rabies....and he foams at the mouth when he attacks...so...and the V theme.) Isn't he precious?"

*sir is fine, for future reference. but YEAH, alastor would definitely be seething with rage- like whole fucking cartoon ass face too, he's NOT having the time of his life rn. why the FUCK was vox petting that hellspawn???? that should've been HIM ???????????

also venom is a perfect name for that little shit, honestly, though ill be fr i can only think of the. You know. Venom.

anyway whatever here's another writing snip. (vv short because i have morning classes tmw and im going to freak if im late again) you guys are greedy asf but whatever ill provide like any good father would

"Oh, dear... and he *kept* it, is that right?" Rosie gasps as she watches Alastor grip his hair tightly, head cradled in his hands. She giggles as she continues teasing the poor demon, "My, Alastor, isn't he quite the catch? Compassionate and caring to boot, not to mention that he seems to be *quite* popular among the denizens of Hell!"

"Rosie, my dear, please. Stop talking. For the love of God, stop talking," Alastor's ears flatten more as he begs his friend, Rosie merely laughing softly in delight as she watches.

"You can hardly blame me for being curious, Alastor! I mean, you always refused to take your sweet little picture box to Cannibal Town when the two of you were still talking... why, I had to learn of your dalliance through Mimzy! And, not to devalue my beloved's qualities, of course, but she's *hardly* the greatest source of information one can find-- I married her out of love, not for her communication skills."

"That *thing* probably has rabies," Alastor spits out, looking as if he'd just swallowed a particularly bitter pill. "I don't *understand* what he sees in it!"

"Well, it does look quite like you," Rosie points out leisurely. She takes a sip out of her teacup before continuing, "Perhaps he's treating it as a substitute for you? You know, in the way that some would treat their plushs like pets, he's treating his pet as... well, you."

Alastor narrows his eyes at her. "Vox *knows* that if he wanted to talk to me, he could easily just go over and tune into our shared frequencies. He's *replacing* me with it, Rosie, I just know it!"

"Hm... well, in that case, why don't you just go and make it clear to him that you aren't replacable?" Rosie taps the edge of her cup with a knowing glint in her abyssal black eyes, holding her good friend's gaze steadily. "You've never shyed away from confrontation before, have you, Alastor? Why be hesitant now?"

Alastor licked his lips, staring down in his lap before he picked up his own teacup and downed the liquid inside like a shot.

"Thank you for hosting me today, Rosie. I think... I've reached a conclusion."

A knowing smirk crosses the Cannibal Overlord's face. "Of course you have. I expect to be formally introduced to your lovely little muse soon, you understand?"

"Yes, my fair lady," Alastor rolls his eyes with amusement. "But you had better not try and take a bite of him."

"Who, little old me? I'd never, dear!"

"You had better not," Alastor frowns. Though his tone is joking, his expression falls flat.

Elsewhere, in the Entertainment District, Vox sneezes into Venom's fur as he cradles the fluffball of red fur. The freaky kitten turns to look up at him with a questioning look, but he only ruffles Venom's ears apologetically.

"Sorry, Ven. I don't know what came over me just now- oh, look at this! Should we get you this collar, or that one...?"

[daytaker]

Could you perhaps write something where gn!mc is just,,, a complete asshole. Fully standoffish and rude, I think it'd be hilarious [bonus points if they have a traumatic backstory for WHY]

No bonus points for me because my asshole MCs exist in a state of suspended animation and they're just like this Because They Are.

Now, I go on and actually explore my idea from an earlier prompt that MC being standoffish would derail the entire plot of OG Season 1 since it requires them to help Belphie get out of the attic.

And if you're wondering, yes, Solomon is quoting KJV Book of Revelation at the end there.

How Your Year-Long Vacation In the Devildom Ended in the Apocalypse

or; Asshole Standoffish MC says what?

Ship: None Word Count: ~1.3k Triggers: Uhhhh... (points to the title)

-----

You're not here to make friends.

And you're definitely not here to date any million-year-old demons who look like they stepped out of the pages of Esquire.

You're here because you're Fate's favorite bitch, and apparently you haven't been suffering enough lately.

So you go ahead and announce all that to your host family the first time you all sit down for dinner.

"...Are humans like that?" asks Asmodeus, looking between you and his brothers. "...I...I don't remember humans being like that."

"Wow. Okay," says Leviathan, staring at his Switch. "First of all, what's your damage. Second, you should probably find the demons who are interested in dating you and let them know, lmao." He fist-bumps Mammon without looking up from the screen.

"What's Esquire?" asks Beel.

"I'm gonna go eat in my room," you say. "Goodnight."

As you leave, you hear Mammon mumble, "Well, they were right about being a bitch."

------

Things aren't any less irritating at that stupid school. Honestly, who names a school after themselves and the fact that they're royalty? Was he just trying to make an easy acronym? Seriously. 'Royal Academy of Diavolo'.... It makes you cringe, hard.

So you sit in the back of all your classes and doodled your favorite sleep paralysis monsters getting closer and closer to the foot of your bed over the course of the day. You're just getting to where you can see the empty white scleras staring up at you when Dumb, Dumb, and Dumber turn up, A.K.A. the other exchange students, A.K.A. Simeon the Angel (dumb), Luke the Baby Angel (also dumb), and Solomon (dumber), the immortal human sorcerer and also the ancient king of Jerusalem? (Like, that Solomon? What the fuck, why does he look like a twenty-three year old anime boy?)

"You must be the newest exchange student," says the tall angel.

"Yeah, and?" you answer.

"Hey, you don't need to be so rude to him!" says the baby angel. His voice makes you want to throw yourself into a furnace.

"Yeah, and?" you answer again.

"Haha! So the new student has some spunk! I like that," says the Biblical king.

"Why are you all bothering me? I was drawing my sleep par--"

"We should all hang out at Purgatory Hall sometime," suggests Simeon, proving he hasn't been paying attention. "By the way, why did Diavolo end up putting you in with the brothers instead of situating you with us?"

"Because I walk around naked at night and I don't care who sees, and there's a child in your dorm."

"Really?" asks Simeon, covering Luke's ears. "Why do you do that?"

"Because fuck you, that's why. Leave me alone."

"I don't remember humans being like that," murmurs Simeon to Solomon as they walk away.

------

"I'm a human too," says the demon in the attic.

"Uh-huh," you say with undisguised skepticism. "And you want me to forge pacts because...?"

"Because then you can release me. Us humans have to stick together."

You let that hang there for a few seconds before dropping the ax.

"...So I know you're Belphegor. Because your fucking picture is up in the house. You absolute moron."

His expression drops.

"You idiot. You lying shit. Don't waste my time like this again. I'm not forging pacts with any demons. I know you missed my first dinner here, but to sum it up: I'm not here to make friends."

"I don't remember humans being like this," he mumbles to himself. "Wha- hey! Wait! Where are you going?! Come back! Come- come back!!!"

-----

It's Diavolo's birthday party, and Lucifer forces you to come.

By that, I mean he physically picks you up and drags you there while you struggle and rage.

"I don't remember humans being like this," Diavolo says to Barbatos with some concern as he sees you carried thrashing through the entry.

"Oh, they absolutely are," argues Solomon. "I only calmed down after I'd been around about a hundred years. But for their stage of development, I'd say they're pretty much par for the course."

Barbatos stares blankly at Solomon as Diavolo nods sagely. "I see, I see... I suppose I'll have to keep that in mind when selecting our next exchange student."

-----

"Finally! The year is almost up, which means this loser's going back to the human world, and Belphie's gonna come back home!" cheers Mammon.

"Very expository of you," Satan replies dryly.

"Oh, Belphie is Belphegor, right? Your youngest brother?" you ask, looking up from the knife you've been sharpening. It's one of the chores you reluctantly accepted over the course of your stay here. You're taking care of your knife duties while brothers 2 and 4 cook dinner.

"Uh, obviously," snorts Mammon. "Why, what do you care? You'll be gone before he gets here."

"I forgot I never mentioned this to any of you. He's in the attic."

Mammon and Satan stare at you. Mammon chuckles nervously. "Whaaa? Don't be stupid, there's nothing up in the attic. Lucifer doesn't even let us go up there."

You stare back at him, unblinking. The two brothers glance at each other.

-----

You sit on your suitcase in the front hall of the House of Lamentation as the place goes up in flames.

Beelzebub is in a mindless rage, cursing Lucifer and breaking down walls. Every now and then, the entire house rumbles, indicating its structural integrity is just that much less solid.

Leviathan summoned Lotan in a moment of panic when Mammon kicked his door in and announced that Belphegor was going to war against the human world and Lucifer and Diavolo and he'd better pick sides before he got drafted, so the entire ground floor is soaked in a few inches of water and tentacles keep reaching out from the depths of the house. You swat them away whenever they get too close. You're not sure where Levi is now, but based on the fact you can hear Mammon screaming and pounding at the bathroom door, you can make a good guess.

Asmodeus released Cerberus from the basement after charming him, and when he realized the dog was too enraptured to obey Lucifer, the pressure got to him and he fled. Now the two are on the war path to Majolish, because 'all this drama is stressing [them] out' and 'this is how [they] cope, okay?'

Lucifer is grappling with Belphie and Satan, who, upon hearing that Belphie intended to rebel against Lucifer, joined his cause. He keeps trying to bang their heads together; you can see it happening in front of the fireplace down the hall. But Satan's tail keeps slashing at him like some sort of prehensile melee weapon and it's clearly at least somewhat effective.

Looking up, you see what appears to be a pair of dragons grappling in the sky, and all around you are the sounds of screams and sirens. The earth rumbles around you, and even the stars seemed to be falling from the sky.

"I can't believe you did it!"

You turn around in surprise as the door opens. Solomon stands there, beaming at you like a proud father. "You really did it! You broke the sixth seal!"

"Sorry, what?"

"'And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood!'"

"Sorry, what?"

The roof begins to cave in, so you step out of the way, and Solomon laughs maniacally.

"It's still going! 'And the great kings of the land said to the mountains and rocks, "Fall on us, and hide us from the face of him that sitteth on the throne!"'" Another chunk of the ceiling crashes directly in front of you.

"Are you high?"

"Yes!"

"Share."

So we smoke a joint, staring up through the broken roof into the starless sky, watching demons and brawl, awaiting the breaking of the seventh seal: silence.

[bellaxgiornata]

Ask the boys! What are Mikey and/or Matt's favourite comforting ways to decompress (with reader)?

Ohhhh, thank you for this one!! I had to sit them down for this little dialogue! As always, I'll throw everything under the cut because this'll be longer. But please enjoy this gif depicting Matt's enthusiasm levels today at me being distracted from a particular fic update he wants.

Bella, dramatically shouting: So who's ready to play ASK THE BOYS?!

Mikey, cringing a little on the couch: D'ya really need to say it like that, pet?

Matt, raising a brow: Yeah, we're not exactly on an episode of Family Feud. This isn't a game show.

Bella: No, but could you imagine if you were? Maybe Fog could be the fourth player. And you know what? I'd actually pay good money to see that because it'd be hilarious. But now that you say that, I think I want to play Ask the Boys like it is a game show every time someone asks for it. So thank's for that, Matty!

[Matt dramatically sighs loudly on the couch beside Mikey]

Frank, shouting from the kitchen as he makes coffee: Can you just let the lady have some fun? Play along, dammit. Don't you know better than to argue with a pregnant woman, anyway?

Mikey, settling into the couch: He has a point. Best not to argue.

Matt, reluctantly: Fine. What's the question?

Bella: Okay, since you're being a sourpuss I'm asking Mikey first. What's your favorite comforting way to decompress with Reader/a significant other?

Mikey, scratching his beard in thought: Suppose I'd say...somethin' calming. Like takin' a walk, just holdin' hands and enjoyin' each others' company. Or maybe cuddlin' up in bed or on the sofa with a book and just readin' together, not even sayin' a word. I deal with enough excitement with my family, don't exactly need anymore outside o' that, y'know? I'd rather just...slow things down for a bit together. Be able to hold them and just be with them.

Bella: Ohh, I like that. You definitely do need less stress and a slower paced environment with some of the stuff your family puts you through constantly. Or like...an entire change of scenery that isn't Dublin.

Mikey, humming in agreement: Ya can say that again.

Bella, focusing on Matt: Now Matt, same question.

Matt, growing a sheepish smile: I'd have to say...in my bed with both of us not wearing clothing--[quickly holding up a hand to quiet everyone before they interject] solely because it's far too irritating if I'm trying to decompress and relax with too much outside stimulation, not for any other reasons. I'd rather just feel them over anything else. Because I'd prefer to focus in on their heartbeat and their breathing, listening to the sound of their voice as they talked. Sometimes outside stimulation just gets to be too much with my senses, and that's where I'd feel the most comfortable with a partner while trying to decompress. Somewhere without some of that extra stimulation. And uh...I wouldn't mind being the one who was being cuddled instead of doing the cuddling, I guess, too...

Bella, nodding: Makes sense. I think we're all well aware of how touch starved you tend to be--especially for a touch that isn't someone punching you in the face for once. Obviously for you to decompress with a partner, you'd want them doing the comforting. Though I highly doubt you'd ever just, you know, ask for what you wanted, so you'd need a partner that already could intuit that. But you know, there's nothing wrong with asking for what you need, Matt.

Matt, abruptly rising from the couch: Okay, I wasn't expecting this to turn into a therapy session. Are we done now?

Bella, rolling her eyes: If it was a therapy session with all of you, we'd be here for months. But yes, that does answer the question for this round of Ask the Boys!

Matt, grinning: Great, now maybe you can get back to that thing you're almost finished writing for me. You know the one.

Bella, sighing: Fine, fine. I'll let you three get back to pre-baby panicking in here for now while I finish it.

(Bella's Follower Celebration Post for those who want to join in the fun!)

[baptaincarnacles]

would u ever rank ninjago ships? it'd be cool to see :3

Ranking Ninjago ships is so silly, actually.

Yes!

These are my personal rankings, so- please be considerate of that!

Dragon Rising spoilers! Kinda!

(Pr*shitters DNI, also if you don’t like Cole/Geo, you may leave or you can stick around and read my other ratings, I guess)

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Ranking system:

S-tier

A+-tier

A-tier

B-tier

C-tier

D-tier

F-tier

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Geode/Lostshipping (Cole/Geo): S-tier. Alright, so this may be an unpopular opinion, especially because it has the fandom weirdly divided- but I do really enjoy the ship. They’re so soft with one another, and they act very domestic. I mean- Cole and Geo show multiple times that they’re affectionate: holding hands, hugging, and just looking at each other with the most lovesick expressions I’ve ever seen a Lego character have.

Not to mention they literally basically have two adopted (three, counting Bonzel) children. They’re literally found family, and it it the most adorable thing ever. Cole literally does everything for Geo and their little family- protects them, cooks for them, and comforts them.

And… guys… Cole literally confesses that he needed Geo to realize his true potential. Their elemental powers formed a HEART. If that ain’t gay, I don’t know that is.

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Wyldfyre/Roby: S-tier. People got so mad over this happening, and it’s genuinely hilarious. Wyldfyre, from my recollection, is a teenage girl- and yes, she may have been raised by dragons, she may be tom-boyish and hotheaded- but that does not exclude her from having teenage-girl feelings.

And not to mention their dynamic is adorable. A tech-obsessed boy and a girl who doesn’t really understand tech but admires his nerdiness anyway. I mean- come on- they literally roar at one another. They match each other’s energy, and I really enjoy it.

Also, they are just silly- Wyldfyre literally got over one of her fears for the sake of Roby. Two dumb kids in love, let them be.

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Glaciershipping (Zane/Cole): S-tier. I personally also really like this one. Maybe it was the color dynamic with their gis or really just their little bits they had throughout the seasons (before Dragon Rising). Growing up, this was one of the big ships of the fandom, and I’m pretty sure it still is? Nonetheless, early seasons really peaked with these two.

Banter really makes up a lot of their dynamic. When the silly robot man and silly Earth ninja bicker it’s like watching a married couple. And really, they’re both just big dorks who share a single brain cell with one another (Zane always has it).

The Rocky Dangerbuff and Snake Jaguar bit really drove the point home, because they’re literally so stupid (/affectionate) it’s adorable.

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Pixane (Pixal/Zane): S-tier. Oh my goodness, this ship is actually the most adorable thing. Zane and Pixal- for some reason- have such a special place in my heart. Perhaps it’s the way they sacrificed for each other- the way Zane willingly gave half his heart to her. Their banter- their love- the way Zane jumps into Pixal’s arms.

Their dynamic has always been so cute. Nerdy idiots who fall deeper in love the longer they’re together. In Dragon Rising, Zane is literally so desperate to have her back- it’s honestly so sad- but it’s so sweet that he cares so much about her (Ninjago, this is my plea to bring Pixal back).

Not to mention, they’re one of the only canon couples in Ninjago who get a good dynamic (other than Jay/Nya).

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Jaya (Jay/Nya): A+-tier. Alright, to explain myself here. The only reason I knocked Jaya down from S-tier is solely because some bits in their dynamic kinda threw me off- and of course, there was that weird love triangle thing that they- for some reason- went through with (Ninjago, what was that).

Otherwise? They are an adorable couple. Jay and Nya work well together- Jay being a bit nerdy, and of course, at first, nervous- and Nya who has always been on the more confident end. They are Yin and Yang. As they grew, their understanding grew, and overtime, they started to go from that awkward couple phase to really being in love. And of course, like all good couples in Ninjago, apparently, they sacrificed for one another- risked their lives- and stressed when they were apart.

I genuinely miss that dynamic in Dragon Rising. Jay needs some sense knocked back into him (/lh).

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Bruiseshipping (Cole/Jay): A+-tier. This one was another very popular one in the fandom as I grew up. And, again, dropped from S-tier solely because the few off-points the two had.

While the two are known for their bickering and their fights, it’s stated multiple times that they’re best friends (and friends to lovers trope sits amazingly with me). Cole and Jay would clearly do anything for each other- and probably play-bully their way through it. One defining feature of their canon interactions is how they always have different outlooks, or completely agree on a matter- and it’s always hilarious because they’re similar in the most different ways.

Otherwise, it’s a good ship. They could work.

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Oppositeshipping (Kai/Zane): A+-tier. I believe they’re also called Peppermint (haha, red and white), but I personally think the opposites attract dynamic works well between these two. Hotheaded and levelheaded, brains and brawn, fire and ice.

I think I started liking this dynamic a bit more in the middle-seasons of the original Ninjago franchise, when they really started building the dynamics between the ninja. Kai and Zane have always had their banter, and their contradicting view points, but at the end of the day, they have each other’s back. And, of course, they do have their on-screen sweet moments.

(This also applies to the Ninjago movie, I love their dynamic there as well.)

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Lavashipping (Kai/Cole): A-tier. Ah, I can’t remember if this one was ever very big in the fandom. I mean, I’ve seen fanart, but of course, it’s hard to tell with other popular ships.

I personally like this one- not as much as others- but their dynamic is cute, and they have their moments. Kai is always seen as protective, and Cole is a defender. So- when something happens to one or the other, they tend to panic. I can’t remember the season name, but the best example I can think of off the top of my head is when the Oni take over Ninjago and cover it in a dark fog- and Cole falls inside of it. And of course, there’s those scenes where the two hug.

They have a lovely dynamic. Fire/Earth, it tickles the brain.

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Technoshipping (Jay/Zane): A-tier. If I’m not wrong, that should be their ship name (I actually had to Google and look at Reddit to find anything about it). Much like Lava, I think this ship is good.

For a long while, Jay was a big technology nerd- and oh? Who was his muse? Zane (/j). But, no, the two have their banter, and the silliness between tech-wiz and sentient robot is always hilarious in my mind. And of course, they do care a lot for each other. Not to mention the short where they literally perform a music act together- and Jay spins and dips Zane moments before that.

I put this in A-tier because, of course, there’s better ships in my mind- and the two have had their own disputes.

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FrozenGear (Dr. Julien/FORMER Master of Ice): A-tier. I’ve seen fanart of this ship, and I ADORE it. It’s such a silly concept, and I love the idea that the Former Master of Ice fell in love with this scientist- and gave their robo-son his elemental abilities.

I don’t even know if that’s their ship name, I’m basing this off of a ship wiki.

But, all and all, it would explain the reason why Zane was gifted the element of Ice.

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Dareth/Ronin: B-tier. I put this here solely because I’ve always viewed this ship in more of a crack ship kinda way. It’s silly, and of course, they banter.

Dareth and Ronin have their bits where them dating (even in an on/off) kinda way makes sense- I mean, hell, the two argue like a couple and they’re always goofing off.

Otherwise, I’d say the ship is a solid one, some people like it more than others.

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Lloyd/Akita: B-tier. I was heavily debating where I’d even rank this ship, solely because I have no strong opinions on it. But, in the end I chose B-tier. While not being a ship I think about, it’s one of the only good ships I’ve ever seen with Lloyd- after they started getting along, anyway.

I suppose I can see why people ship it, but it was only a season thing- and we haven’t seen Akita again- so it’s very likely she was a one-off character to have, solely because Lloyd is tragic (/lh) and needs a new love interest every few seasons to build trust issues.

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Zane/Frohicky: B-tier. Before anyone says anything, it’s solely because of their dynamic. I like this ship a bit, and I think that they’re a silly duo. Frohicky, after all, is a very caring individual, and is always trying to make sure Zane is okay/comfortable.

And there was that scene where the two sat together through Zane’s identity crisis after losing his look-alike competition.

They’re just cute.

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Samuraishipping (Pixal/Nya): B-tier. It’s not a bad ship. They have a welcoming dynamic with one another, and a similar interest in technology.

In scenes where they work together, it’s often expressed that they work well, and build off of each other’s abilities, enhancing a singular creation further. Not a ship I obsess over, but a ship that lingers in my mind sometimes and makes sense.

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Arin/Euphrasia: B-tier. Again, another ship I don’t think often about, but I think they could be a really good duo- bot teenagers figuring out their elemental abilities and learning what they can do.

I also like their playful attitudes and lighthearted humor- Arin being a little more clueless than Euphrasia, of course.

But, they would be cute.

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Plasmashipping (Jay/Kai): C-tier. I know some of you might get mad at me for this ranking, but truthfully, I never liked this ship all that much. It was very popular in the fandom (up there with Glacier) but, I never found the full appeal.

Of course, they have their bits and banter, but I prefer their silly dynamics in a goofball friend way. But if you ship this, go right ahead- they do have their moments when they’re shippable.

Solid ship, just not for me.

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Garmadon/Vinny: C-tier. This is another one I always kinda viewed as a crack ship- I really don’t know when or how it spurred into being something that I saw maybe… three pieces of fanart for? I personally thought it was silly.

There was that moment where Garm asked Vinny to help him become good- maybe that started it? I dunno, but I do think about that season sometimes and giggle a bit.

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Zane/Nya: C-tier. I don’t know if they have an actual ship name, but oh well. I don’t love this ship, but I also don’t hate it. It’s an interesting appeal.

Personally, I think their dynamics are alright, they tend to chat and banter, but they’ve always felt more friendly towards one another to me. I do enjoy their moments together on screen, their little side-rambles. They’re both nerds.

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Kailor (Kai/Skylor): C-tier. More of you may get mad at this, but I never liked this ship. Didn’t hate it, but still, didn’t like it. It felt forced, and it was incredibly awkward. It almost felt like they were trying to get all the characters a s/o, because at that time, Pixane was established- and I can’t remember if Jaya had started or was being hinted at.

It improved some- and then it just wasn’t touched again. Felt like a crush rather than them actually falling in love at any point- which was probably the idea there. I can see why the ship is popular, but it’s not my cup of tea.

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WolfCat (Sorra/Jordana): C-tier. They’re one of those dynamics I feel could work. Especially if it’s enemies, to friends, then to lovers. I am ranking this C-tier, solely because their dynamic has only been explored to a certain extent- showing their problems with one another- and of course, Jordana trying to break away from being possessed.

If they’re explored more, I feel this ranking could rise higher on the list.

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Lloyd/Morro: D-tier. No. Just… no. While it’s not the worst possible ship, I still think it’s one of the weirdest. And at this point, I don’t even know what to say about it- other than Morror is a spirit who possessed Lloyd. I think they’re represented to be around the same age, but still… it’s such an outlandish ship because… Morro has been dead for… years.

I know at some point the fandom liked it for god knows what reason. But, I’m really starting to think people like shipping Lloyd with antagonistic characters.

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Conya (Cole/Nya): D-tier. Again, another big nope from me. I know some people ship it, there was that whole love triangle thing- but throughout that entire bit, Cole really just felt like he was competing with Jay. For shits and giggles.

And Cole and Nya’s dynamic always felt more like best friends to me- like, they care about each other, but not in a romantic way.

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Conia (Cole/Vania): D-tier. I can’t see this one really at all, but it’s not F-tier material. Vania’s and Cole’s relationship felt platonic- Vania seemed innocently curious about the ninja.

They just seem like friends who have one another’s backs, and they call when the other needs a pick-me-up. Good friends.

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Lloyd/Harumi: F-tier. Oh my god. There are so many reasons I personally DESPISE this ship. For starters, and the most obvious reason- she tried to kill him. Multiple times. Some of you might say she had a redemption arc, I DON’T CARE. She- first of all- was manipulative. Secondly, I know she had a rough past that she blamed on the ninja but… where was that their fault? Third of all, she played with his feelings repeatedly.

Oh, and- I don’t know if anyone even begins to remember this- but in Sons of Garmadon, Garmadon literally adopts her. Calls her his child and everything. I don’t know if people forgot that, or if it’s dismissed as nothing- but guys. GUYS. He adopts Harumi.

And I think it’s easy to say that she gave Lloyd trust issues- major trust issues. Dude literally has trouble trusting princesses over her.

I just want to take this ship and burn it in a fire.

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Lloyd/Ras: F-tier. Listen, I’ve seen maybe two people ship this, and no offense to anyone that does- but SERIOUSLY. Ras is a whole ass manipulator, for one- secondly, he’s another antagonist- three… He has also tried to kill Lloyd.

Ras is an entity of mind games, and Lloyd is an insomniac trying to live up to his Uncle’s standards. That doesn’t mix.

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Lloyd/Any of the other ninja: F-tier. Get the fuck out. One, even if he aged up, he’s still mentally younger then they are. Two, they’re all basically his older siblings. Three, it’s GROSS.

Lloyd has only ever acted like a younger sibling towards the other ninja. The other ninja protect him like a younger brother. I will throw hands.

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When I get the motivation, I’ll probably do another rating list like that with other forms of Ninjago ships (like side characters and what-not).

If you all have any ships you wanna see me rate, you can send in an anonymous message, or you can comment! I’ll get around to it :)

And they can’t be fucking weird- thank you.