#(would not be happening with top retainer which is broken)

[gender-snatched]

living is like. you like this thing? its bad for you xoxo

[lexydakitten]

rot rot rot rot ... this particular kind infests the grounds of my iterator oc one step ahead / osa, and inevitably him as well. time for me to ramble yayy yayy

meant to post this earlier i just was fussing over names. i have concluded that the colloquial name for all these together is inflorescence longlegs because that means that i still get to use the acronym ILL and thats cool i thinks. proto-rot is creeping longlegs, then in order of size smallest to largest is sprout longlegs, flowering longlegs, and wilting longlegs. they're a sort of mutated vine, one which was pretty common on osa's grounds, but he got just a Little screwed over by astronomically low odds. vine turned into rot naturally as certain background environmental conditions on his grounds make that something that happens from time to time (in more than just vines - any organism). the atypical and astronomically low odds part comes from the fact that it did not resolve itself, because when this occurs on his grounds it's usually such a small sample produced that quickly dies or is otherwise destroyed. in this case, by the time it becomes noticeable to him, it's already grown too quickly to be easily fixed.

because of it occurring naturally, a lot of properties and behaviors are retained from what it was originally. this is mostly because it's scarier that way and i made osa for me to project my nightmares onto����

for visual - osa's grounds are mostly a tight thicket of bushes and shrubs that are adapted to a higher latitude environment. the thicket provided a fair amount of shelter for the ILLs until the infestation had a sizeable population. a common behavior seen in all ILL specimens, proto or not, is that they try to climb up other plants as they infest them, something retained from being a vine. additionally, when they have infested a significant amount of one shrub, they will start trying to spread to find another by growing on the ground in arches (top right) which is another thing based off of certain vines. they're green because they also can still photosynthesize, though because of high energy needs this is only sustainable for smaller specimens and really only means they can survive longer in a starving state. also, they're very thorny, which makes mobile cysts move slower, and they typically prefer not to move much anyways aside from the wilting longlegs. because they originate from a plant, they're all weaker physically, i think a sprout longlegs you could probably spear to death very easily in one cycle if you had enough spears to expend, and none of them are explosive resistant. fighting any of them with explosives in a particularly large thicket of rot though (or a wilting long legs) is something i would not advise though ;3c.

while slls are parallel to blls, flls to dlls, etc, there's a few distinctions worth making. sprout longlegs and flowering longlegs are very small, with sprout longlegs being probably roughly a bit larger than the size of a squidcada and flowering longlegs being the size of blls or a small dll. wilting longlegs are dll/tll sized. flowering longlegs don't break down into sprout longlegs when starving either (though a wilting longlegs may break down into a group of flowering longlegs), and they occur differently. sprout longlegs are commonly found outside of or on the edge of rot thickets and are common in clusters, as they are all cysts that were broken off the main patches by rain, and very few became mobile through normal means. sprout longlegs are though, like blls, completely senseless, and they don't pose a significant threat - i like to imagine they do have a tendency to fall when they start moving as they have the least amount of thorns though, so the majority of their threat comes from falling from above. flowering longlegs occur via normal means, just cysts that became mobile. they have the ability to hear, and in particularly heavy thickets of creeping longlegs they can also have what is effectively telepathy. think orange lizard. wilting longlegs are similar to flowering longlegs here, they're just much much larger cysts that became mobile, in some instances they may even be cysts that have completely consumed a shrub or bush and then became mobile, hence their size.

wilting longlegs.. :3. they can hear, and regardless of where they are, they're large enough to exhibit telepathy towards each other. wilting longlegs are the most aggressive as their ability to photosynthesize is entirely unsustainable for them - a sprout longlegs will last fine consuming things minimally, a flowering longlegs can last though will eventually start starving, wilting longlegs MUST consume however. their size and energy need is too costly and they're practically always on the edge of a starving state. an additional ability is that their toxicity is extremely concentrated - all ILLs produce toxins, as the vine they originate from did. in most instances, it only becomes a significant threat when consuming them. sprout longlegs are a similar effect to the ingame mushroom effects, flowering longlegs would be similar to the effects hunter experiences when rotting. wilting longlegs, due to their size, produce it the most, and it becomes dangerous to creatures that are grabbed by them. because they are covered in it, even if the creature breaks free, they will experience effects of the toxin shortly after. it's not life-threatening, but it would cause temporary immobility, like spitter spider spit does, alongside the psychoactive effects. wilting longlegs are escapable, but they present a greater hazard than a tll does.

said effects also apply to iterators. which osa learns pretty hard. because he can't ever find a fix to the issue, and his group members become too scared to put effort into helping him, he ends up having to deal with it alone. and the infestation reaches him initially through his intake system, but he can flush it out to prevent it from taking hold. it still damages his systems when it does get in, in very small amounts, and the damages accumulate until there's nothing he can do about it getting in. as more and more rot grows and damages him, he also becomes poisoned by it, and suffers from that as well. and the entire time he's terrified of it, even before it starts reaching him, that combined with the negligence of his group members is why he's a vicious jerk. not evil but he isn't in his right mind from the pressure of how terrifying his situation is from his perspective + inevitably becoming sick too. he was pretty unremarkable before, especially considering he's the oldest one in his group - i'd say senior but i'm still not sure if that's a fanon thing or not? i dont wanna accidentally take someone else's ideas by referring to him as that lol

but. i figured i'd make this as a reference and then also as an excuse to ramble about my nightmares goober🙌yay. it didnt make sense to not have significant depth to the nightmare-inspired parts so i fixed it :3

nvm just remembered the thing i forgot to put. also while their starving colors are not shown here, they shift into a more autumnal/stressed set of colors and become significantly lighter and more desaturated as well. wilting longlegs are the ones you'd find with these colors most often and they're already somewhat adjacent to it. just cuz i think it's cool

[saphir93]

Adam x Lute “I can’t lose you again”

Chapter two – “I can’t lose you again”

SAINT AUGUSTINE: "Death is nothing..."

Death is nothing. I just switched to the other side: it's like I was hiding in the next room. I'm still me, and you're still you. What we were before for each other we still are. Call me by the name you have always given me, which is familiar to you; speak to me in the same affectionate way you have always used. Don't change your tone of voice, don't look solemn or sad. Continue to laugh at what made us laugh, at those little things that we liked so much when we were together. Pray, smile, think of me! May my name always be the same familiar word as before: pronounce it without the slightest trace of shadow or sadness. Our life retains all the meaning it has always had: it is the same as before, there is a continuity that cannot be broken. Why should I be out of your thoughts and mind, just because I'm out of your sight? I'm not far, I'm on the other side, just around the corner. Reassure yourself, everything is fine. You will find my heart again, you will find its purified tenderness. Dry your tears and don't cry, if you love me: your smile is my peace.

Since Adam returned as fallen in hell, he had always spent his time meditating on his condition as he had to learn to survive and accept those he had always considered only sinners and scum. He didn't know where to go except to the bizarre hotel of that damned whore, the offspring of the one who had ruined the heavenly plans in Eden twice, even if Lucifer kept repeating to him "I didn't ruin you Adam, you know the truth.".

So having taken away everything he had received from the beginning would have been right? In fact, when he was curled up in bed alone he  think only about Lute. So why did he still have to be angry about two bitches that he had never chosen of his own free will? Two women he never love. What would they say in heaven now? How would Lute react? She didn't know anything and who knows how she was. Adam also thought about his ruined appearance, his perfect skin with a bright and tanned color was now paler and greyish, his pointed ears, his sharp black nails and those disturbing eyes with dark sclera, but the worst were those fucking horns on his head in the middle of his hair and god knows how much he wanted to break them away, he wanted them to disappear forever. The clothes were darker, black and red, with signs of inverted crosses and flames drawn like his guitar and then also the teeth, the teeth had two pairs of sharp fangs like a fucking vampire or predator (Snake or feline). And his wings, his wonderful gold and white feathered wings were now all black like those of the fallen angels.

Adam however no longer cared what happened to him, he had swallowed so much shit in that time in hell and put himself in that state that he had ignored any advice as to when the exorcists would return. He remembered that Lute was in charge now. He passed uncovered everywhere in the city while chaos reigned. Adam knew how to deal with his adversaries, he knew them well, he himself had been like them. He had nothing left to lose now, he just wanted to see Lute again even if it would cost him his life. Adam was soon targeted but still fared well in combat. He saw her looking at him in difficulty while he was in flight, she had stopped for a moment. “Lute!” he called. Lute swooped toward him as bloody carnage raged all around her. In a short time she was immediately on top of him, Adam instinctively tried to cover himself in fear “Lute! Wait, stop!” he shouted “It's me! I'm Adam.” In fact, Lute held him tightly in a hug. "Adam." she said, “When I saw you… I… I knew it was you. Those wings, those eyes, that face, clothes, that guitar and then your voice.”. She took off his mask. “Adam, no fallen appearance can hide you from me. You shouted my name, I thought I had lost you forever that time." Adam held her tighter “I waited for you. I missed you, you bitch.” but then more than one exorcists comes forward “Sinners must be eliminated!” Lute “No! You mustn't touch this one. It's an order. I will take care of it." but they shouted “No sinner has the right to remain alive. Everyone must be punished.” they drew spears and swords, but Lute covered Adam by shielding him and standing before him. “No! Don't touch this one.”.

"Betrayal!" some of the exterminators shouted, but as they rushed to strike Adam, Lute cut them off one by one with his sword. There was blood splashing everywhere, arms and heads severed. Lute looked at the others with unprecedented ferocity "Do any of you intend to disobey my orders again?" she saw them stop with dazed and annoyed looks and then fly away through the portal. Adam was shocked and his clothes like Lute's were dirty everywhere with gold blood stains. Lute returned to him all agitated. "Adam? Are you OK?" Adam “Fuck, you really made a big mess dangerous tits. I'm fine...let's say.” and pulled at his dark yellow-stained robe. Lute had tears in his eyes, tears began to roll down his face. Adam smiled looking at her intently “Now you're here.” Lute “They wanted to kill you. Adam…I can't lose you again. I cannot." Adam wanted to say something but Lute pulled him towards him and kissed him intensely.

It was quite long and intense, nothing like what he had had with his previous wives, very poor and not very intense kisses. With Lute the synchronization and intensity were perfect, when they both began to dig deeper with their tongues and only Lute understood his desire to be so intense. When they broke away, Adam was breathing heavily just like Lute was sweating and his heart was beating fast. That time he returned to the hotel taking Lute with him to her room and spending a moment of intense passion having sex. Adam make love with her, it was so sweet, he enjoyed the sex so much as he had never done before with his two wives. When both were collapsed they lovely hugged each other. She held Adam more intensely, Adam felt so good, he felt protected and loved finally. “It's not fair Lute. I always want to be so happy, always and only with you. All I ask. You're so important to me, so dear, shit, I always want to be with you. I…I love you.” Lute “We will find a solution, I promise. I love you too Adam."

The start of a fan serie I'm working on, this is the part two post first officialy season, sinner Adam arc concept. Can find the first part in this link HERE

[alliswyattonthewesternfront]

not really sure what the next step is with Jadzia. she isn't losing control of her bowels and isn't in pain. her mood swings/memory issues have mostly been her acting overly affectionate and needy, with a small percentage of time where she becomes aggressive and doesn't seem to recognize us.

but she's becoming incredibly destructive. she is climbing on top of the bookshelves and the huge hanging wall mirror, and kitchen counters whether she's supervised or unsupervised. she will get up, spazz out, and knock off everything in site. she's shattered a full coffee pot, knocked frames off the walls, ruined plants, and broken numerous pieces of glassware. she found a way to get INTO the entertainment system (still unsure how that happened) and just began shredding the plastic on all the games/dvds.

because of the dementia, training her out of this new behavior is proving impossible. she's just not retaining it. people have suggested making her a cat apartment in a large dog crate, but i do not physically have the space for that anywhere in this small apartment without limiting or even eliminating our ability to access things like the kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, etc. not without eliminating major pieces of furniture. i guess i could take something to the storage unit, but it would mean we wouldn't have anywhere to sit down until she finally dies. the other options are to either a.) take every single tchochke, art piece, plant, easily accessible piece of technology, basically any lightweight exposed item and put anything nonessential in the storage unit, and just condense the remainder down to our locked bedroom. or to invest in a bunch of large storage bins and crates, which runs into the same problem as the dog crate. i also, selfishly, don't want to make dozens of trips in my yaris in order to move the majority of my possessions to a storage unit, completely rearrange the layout of my apartment, and limit my own ability to keep myself functioning and earning money in order to cater to a dying cat. i get that makes me a terrible owner in some folks' eyes, but it just isn't a realistic way of life for me

i work from home 3 days a week, but the other 4 i have to leave the house. there's no way to keep her supervised 24/7, and constantly waking up to more broken things/Jadzia injuring herself on whatever she's broken is uhhhh kinda tanking my whole deal. i have limited free time from now until Dec 7th, and losing productivity to stress based inflammation isn't really an option. not really looking for advice, i've been talking with our vet through this whole process. just hollering into the abyss, ya know how it is

[kelcolrite]

Got a few things I gotta take care of when Payback begins so I'll be starting the PPV a little bit late tonight.

Therefore

EARLY PREDICTION TIME!!!

SHINSUKE NAKAMURE VS SETH ROLLINS

I hate that Seth is gonna retain but what are you gonna do? I don't see him losing the title to anyone quite yet, mostly because he hasn't been able to maintain a story with anyone yet.

My biggest hope is that SHINSUKE absolutely destroys his back and they have to call a DQ or something. Not likely but a guy can dream.

WINNER - SETH ROLLINS

RHEA RIPLEY VS RAQUEL RODRIGUEZ

Unless some absolute tomfuckery happens I don't see Rhea losing. This is a good rivalry for her honestly, not many people can keep up with a powerhouse like her. Expecting a good ol slobber knocker between these girls.

WINNER - RHEA RIPLEY

TRISH STRATUS VS BECKY LYNCH

The steel cage match Becky and all of us have been waiting for since sometime last year. I hope this is as delightfully brutal as the last match with Zoey was. I hope that Lynch pins or makes her tap clean in the ring. I hope we can finally put a pin to this rivalry so Becky can move on in her career and stop wasting her time on a cheap, gotcha rivalry.

WINNER - BECKY LYNCH

REY MYSTERIO VS AUSTIN THEORY

I'm a little back and forth on this one but I think Theory is gonna pull out the win. Probably some with some dirty heel shit involving his new alliance with Waller. Still interested in what those two obnoxious jerks can do together even though I'm not a fan of either.

Best case scenario out of Theory winning is giving Santos Escobar the chance to actually step upand be a leader. Guy deserves it. Seriously.

WINNER - AUSTIN THEORY

THE MIZ VS LA KNIGHT

I'm honestly really excited for this match. It's been awhile since the WWE has built up a really good grudge match without any titles on the line. Just pride and ego. That's good ol wrestling storytelling.

If LA wins the Miz is gonna throw an absolute tantrum and that could help carry the rivalry on to new heights, which I'd like to see. It's been entertaining so far but let's get these guys in the ring to see how well the chemistry is before we keep it going.

WINNER - LA KNIGHT

KO & SAMI VS JUDGMENT DAY

This is another one of those matches that I'm swinging back and forth on. If Zowens wins it adds more illegitimacy to Judgement Day-who's already becoming the bad kind of dysfunctional family with the Dad Finn and Dad Damian fighting in front of poor Dominick, who's already from ONE broken home. And on top of that, KO just looks tired of this shit. Let him go back to singles. Or retire if he wants. Damn.

So I hope Judgement Day wins, but I don't have high hopes because I know WWE and they're not gonna stop milking their cash cow while merch is flying off the shelves.

That being said, JD losing could be the push Priest needs to take that title from Seth finally and that would make my first pick feel a lot more justified.

Like I said, a guy can dream.

[a-lbeit]

2022: a year in review

i never ended up writing one of these for 2021, so maybe i’ll throw some stuff from there in here, too

a brief summary of 2021--benny, soaring highs and a rock-bottom low, exercise, school, getting reacquainted with the working world and working more than ever before, trying to become more attuned to adulthood, reuniting with old friends, car ownership, and uncertainty

alright, now onto 2022. i would like to write more about 2021, and i wish i had done so earlier like i should have, but, as we all know, life just strikes you sometimes. those memories and experiences, or at least the essences of them, will be there for me to reminisce on and reference. 

rang in the new year at benny’s house, drunk with coworkers and benny’s friends. it was messy, but hey, a new year’s kiss is always something to smile about when you look back on it. 

got boosted

had a visit from my parents. the first time i’d seen them in over 2 years--since i had broken my ankle and gone back to charleston for a few weeks. it was such a perfect week, one that i will forever cherish. they took the train out here, across the country like they’d talked about doing for so long. we went to riverside, to the house my father spent several childhood years in. he hadn’t seen it since then, i don’t think. we went up mt. rubidoux, something he’d always wanted to do. i took them to disneyland, of course, with benny, who they also finally had a chance to meet. we rode the holiday version of it’s a small world, which so fortuitously had a longer stint at the resort than usual because it had opened late because of a flooded mechanics room or something. took them to the top of the world and to urth caffe and the huntington library. i cried when they left. 

had to get tested weekly for covid at work for a while; it was kind of fun to get bumped to take it on the clock. things were looking kinda bad again with covid for a while there, and i got slightly worried that the park would close again. 

had a visit from lauren and david. we all stayed in an airbnb together and i showed them around socal. we went to san diego, disney (of course), la, huntington gardens. benny’s and my first anniversary happened somewhere in there. it was sunny and beautiful and lauren got a tattoo :)

stayed at a cabin in wrightwood for valentine’s day with benny. it was relaxing, sexy, and we even got just enough snow for it to be romantic but not a burden. we played pool, cooked, walked, and shopped around with little to no worries for a few days. on the way back, we went to the mcdonald’s museum in san bernardino.

went to the parks with friends. it’s nice to be able to do that stuff again--sometimes i think about how “normal” our lives have become again in the wake of covid and i realize i forget how easily things can change in our puny little lives

went to a wedding expo with mindy. i enjoyed it, but i think more and more about how i don’t want a wedding celebration. 

disney had a little cast member event for the (then) upcoming toontown renovation before it closed for the next year. it was cute to be a part of that. 

gas prices went up, up, up, and we all felt it

had a little date night with benny at this really cool bar in huntington. i wish we had time (read: i wish i put in more effort to have more time and energy) to do more of that

received melissa and glenn’s wedding announcement. i was nervous to be her maid of honor but so excited

saw so many snails

did our little semiannual vegas trip. it’s always nice to hang with benny’s best friend and see the hoover dam and just have fun. we played twilight zone mini golf, went to a cirque show (thanks to miguel’s roommate), got dutch bros, swam in lake mead. the whole bit. benny and i even got matching temporary tats. 

made the difficult decision to remove my eyebrow piercing. it had migrated a lot and my management team had said a couple things to my leads about the prominence of the plastic retainer. maybe some day i’ll pierce it again. i miss it sometimes, but i knew it was time. it didn’t look good anymore after constantly having to switch out the jewelry. 

had a roommate reunion at disney with rozi, taleeah, and daisy. it was nice. i miss living with them. 

parallel parked my heart out. i can fit almost anywhere. 

helped john krasinski and emily blunt at autopia :)

went to the parks with mindy for her birthday. i’m so grateful to have her in my life, to have someone so different yet similar to me. 

appreciated and loved fred more and more. he deserves the blue nametag more than anyone. 

went to a couple disney cast member softball games. it’s fun to watch your coworkers play.

somewhere in between all this, i interviewed (for the second time) to become a trainer at autopia, and my manager told me yes--i was very wary and jaded when he told me, since he told me no last time without having that clear of a reason. but he congratulated me and i was grateful that he saw potential in me.

had a cute 4am shift. we had to help test the speed of the cars. it was beautiful, and fred bought us breakfast. a national treasure. 

i needed the first two weeks in june off, and management granted me a personal leave. sometimes, i really do appreciate them. 

finally, the day came. i flew back to charleston for the first time since my broke ass ankle to celebrate melissa and glenn. and i took benny along for the ride. we flew in, reunited with my parents, got some finishing touches for the bachelorette party (freaking out in the meantime). the other bridesmaids and i took melissa to brunch, a lil gift exchange, and a sunset cruise piloted (is that the right word?) by her favorite high school teacher. it was nice, lowkey day. and then the rehearsal dinner was the next day and the wedding the next. melissa looked so beautiful (as she always does) and the wedding was perfect. the ceremony took place outside and it started to rain beforehand, so they ended up pushing it back an hour and having a cocktail hour first. everything worked out and the lighting was perfect. i loved seeing melissa and glenn’s first dance and her dance with her parents. and i was so grateful to her to include me in the day. she’s my oldest friend and i love her so much. 

in the couple days after the wedding, i hung with my parents and lauren and david. we did a ghost tour and, most importantly, went to waffle house. 

immediately after, benny and i flew to denver. somehow for the past 2 years, i had been taking classes and completing the requirements for my master’s degree, and i was sure as hell gonna walk in my graduation. we took a night flight and arrived in denver late; we stayed overnight in the airport to save some money. it surprisingly wasn’t too bad, except for waking up at one point to a man on the other side of the bench shaking around. but it was okay. we left in the morning and went to the university of denver campus so i could take a covid test, then got some food from a turkish restaurant nearby while we waited to check in to our airbnb. when the time finally came and we got to our room, i was so happy to not have to lug around my heavy suitcase anymore. we showered and headed downtown to walk around and get some dinner at a place a coworker of ours had recommended. he recommended a lot of stuff since he used to live in the area, but i think that’s the only one we ended up taking.

i also got a phone call that day from our scheduler asking me about scheduling my training to be a trainer, since the days went against my availability. i was nervous to see it on my next schedule, but excited to have it finally happen.

on our walk around, we went to voodoo doughnuts and ordered one each, but the worker gave us double. it’s always an exciting treat to get more than you pay for. 

spent the next day exploring denver. we toured the capitol (and got a beautiful view of the rockies from the balcony of the dome), explored cute shops, and i felt pretty dead at a couple points. i fell asleep on a bench for a minute, but it was all right. we ended at a foresty bar my friend had recommended and played foosball.

the next day, i officially ‘graduated.’ there was cake at the reception before the actual ceremony, and then we sat through 3 hours of names being called before it was finally time for my section. benny is such patient man. i met up with him after it finally ended (he sat in the audience; i sat with the other graduates), and he had gotten me a lei and a teddy bear wearing a cap and gown. we got dinner at an italian place my friend had recommended,

the next day was our last in denver. we explored some more, including checking out a zine library and getting pics in a big tire. we ended the day with takeout in the park along the river next to the huge REI. 

we rented a car and headed to boulder for a couple days. on the way, we stopped at a wildlife refuge and almost got caught in a lightning storm. everything was great until we tried to arrive at our airbnb up a dark, windy road quite late (around 10pm or so, maybe), only to find a dark house. we rang the bell a couple times and eventually, a shirtless man answered and said there was no airbnb here. i would have panicked if we didn’t have a car that we could have slept in. however, we ended up heading back into town and spent $200 on a hotel. we sure as hell stuffed ourselves at the free breakfast the next day and booked a new airbnb for the rest of the time. airbnb was incredibly helpful and refunded us as well as gave us some credit for the next airbnb. it was an ordeal, but it was okay.

we didn’t let that mishap affect us too much. we had things to do. after we got everything situated, we headed up to estes park to take the aerial tram as well as visit the stanley. it was a beautiful day, in the end. we even took that long road in rocky mountain national park that goes all the way to the top to see the sunset and the snow on the ground. and when we arrived at our new airbnb, everything was just as described, and they even had 2 dogs that almost made me become a dog person--they were fluffy, well-groomed, and quiet. 

we went back into the national park the next day for a horseback ride and some hiking. i got very sniffly after the ride (i guess i’m a bit allergic to horses) and napped for a bit in the car. we did a beautiful and uncrowded hike to one of the alpine lakes. 

the next day was our flight home, but we had the morning still. we said goodbye to the dogs and went to red rocks before going to the airport. our flight ended up getting delayed, so i asked for meal vouchers. again, we stuffed ourselves. 

went back to work. a few days later was benny’s birthday. at the time, my friend rozi was working at this company that’s sort of a blend of airbnb and a hotel, and she majorly hooked it up and got us a 3-night stay at this beautiful property in laguna for free. i surprised benny, although i had to train people at work during a couple of the days. that place was low-key and luxurious. 

got signed off as a trainer, although i sucked at time management at first. but we all do.

the day i had my star tours refresh class, i did practically nothing all day at work. it was glorious

i was so tan in the summer. i’m sure i’ll get there again this summer (while still lathering on sunscreen, of course)

a few days before my birthday, benny got covid. i spent the days around it getting free food; on my birthday, i took a solo trip to the san diego area and laid on the beach. i was a bit lonely, but i’m also in love with spending time with myself. i’ve always known how introverted and independent i am, but i’ve really realized over the past year that i need to spend significant amounts of time in my life by myself. 

got retrained at nemo a little while after benny did. they had a photo session for us while we were still cycling before the ride officially reopened, and we got really cute pictures that i’ll always treasure. once it reopened, though, we all quickly realized that if you had nemo knowledge, you were stuck at nemo. i was mad that my fellow trainers were getting training shifts and i was stuck. 

put up shelves in my bedroom lmao 

went to natalie’s baby shower. i was scared but also so happy for her. she was ready. and the shower was beautiful

had a much-needed day with rozi--we got our cars washed (for free, of course), had coffee and acai at our old place, and ended up at disneyland. it had been too long. 

got a tour of walt’s apartment

became full-time soon after i turned 26. thank god--i now needed health insurance.

saw shakey graves with benny--i miss the time in my life where i was obsessed with him and live music. i think i’ve said this before, but i’ve kind of outgrown concerts. it was a time in my life i’ll always treasure, though. it makes me miss college and especially dc--taking the metro to the 9:30 club and the anthem.

started my first solo training set

benny and i took a cruise! it a short 4-night, 3-day cruise, and it was perfect. we stuffed our fucking faces, went swimming at the beach in catalina, took a taxi in mexico and got free alcohol, and explored the ship. i know cruises are so awful for the environment (the irony of graduating just about 2 months prior with a master’s in environmental policy and management, i know), but goddamn, they’re so much fun and honestly quite cheap if you do it right. the morning of debarkation, though, i got a text (once we regained service) from my mom asking me to call her. i figured i would do it after we got off the ship, but then she ended up calling me (she had actually sent the message the previous evening) during breakfast to tell me my grandmother had died. i was so so grateful that i’d had the opportunity to see her one last time back in june when benny and i went to charleston for melissa’s wedding. otherwise, i probably wouldn’t have seen her since 2019 when my ankle was broken. i couldn’t even imagine what my father was feeling. he had found her gasping for air after he brought dinner to her apartment for her. she didn’t make it through the night. 

the next day, went right back into finishing my first solo training set. my stomach hurt, i guess from the food and the news. one of my trainees, a transfer from custodial, confided in me that she wanted to stop training and go back to custodial. we talked to management and made that happen for her. it felt nice to be able to support her during all of it.

a killer heat wave made work laughably awful--but that’s climate change for ya, i guess

went to the dentist for the first time in about 3 years. they removed my ‘old-school’ metal retainers (which, admittedly, the top one had broken) and got me set up for new plastic ones to wear overnight. no cavities! 

went to the walt disney studios in burbank and ripley’s believe it or not on hollywood blvd, which my parents had gotten me tickets for for my birthday. i love doing stuff like that, even if it’s touristy. 

benny and i went to shaqtoberfest. it was actually a lot of fun LMAO

funeral arrangements were sort of up in the air for a while. it ended up happening in october, although her death was in late august. i went back to charleston for it. my father’s resilience floors me. i look up to him so much. my mother and i went to my parents’ safety deposit box to pick out jewelry to wear to the funeral. i wore my grandmother’s brooch and ring. it was a sad occasion, but it was nice to be reunited with some family i hadn’t seen since before covid. i miss my family and especially my parents. i realized i would like to make an effort to visit them more frequently. i love spending time with them as adults. 

after my return, benny and i did some halloweeny stuff. i don’t like the holiday that much, but i love going to all the neighborhood festivals and block parties and events. 

finally used my flight credit from when rozi, britt, and i were supposed to visit blake in tennessee back in 2020. i went to austin, my first time in texas. mindy’s parents live outside of austin, and she actually flew there a day after me--she had to pick up her mom’s wedding dress, and it was great timing. i stayed in an airbnb for a night and explored the city (and the college campus--i got free tacos and really missed the campus experience) on my own, and then met up with her and her family the next day. they graciously let me stay there for a few days. her family is so relaxed, and i appreciated how easy it was to be with them. i would like to return to austin by myself or with benny sometime, though. 

took a ‘cast preview’ holiday tour of disneyland. we got soaked in the rain, but still had so much fun. i love the holiday season, and maybe one day i’ll stop letting myself be so consumed by work around that time and actually be able to enjoy everything.

learned the monorail, something i had been trying to do for close to a year. 

surprised benny with a trip up to the bay. i don’t know why--i had just been wanting to take a weekend trip since like april to visit pinnacles national park. i told him to make sure to request the days off, and when the time came, we left right after work. we drove up the 5 and finally, around 9:30 or 10pm, we pulled into the campground. he’d had a hunch this was what i was surprising him with. we slept in the car and freezed our asses off. we did a hike (featuring a couple caves!) the next day and went to an airbnb in san jose. we explored muir woods (i finally saw a banana slug!), went over the golden gate, of course, and tried to get dinner in the city--but i couldn’t find parking and the hills of sf overwhelmed me while driving, so we ended up just leaving. but we did go to the winchester mystery house and santa cruz, where we saw bunches of seals (sea lions? i don’t know). on the way home, we took highway 1 and passed monterey, big sur, and miles of coastal beauty. 

did another every-once-in-a-while vegas weekend trip to see the holiday decorations at the bellagio and visit his friend. i decided i don’t like his friend’s roommate lmao, but we still had a good time. we even got a hike in with some snow. 

saw beautiful holiday lights with benny’s mom and sister. every once in a while, i can dig some family time. 

stayed busy with work. between disney and target during the holiday season, i go weeks without a day off. but it’s all right. i do it to myself. and i love my coworkers. 

the leads and trainers got a blanket from our management team, which was actually so fucking nice 

i interviewed to be a lead--my manager asked me if i had been talking to the cores and then why i wanted to be a lead. then he stopped the interview and told me he’d already previously decided on me, that this ‘interview’ was essentially a formality. i was surprised and, i have to admit, felt really proud. he said to keep it a secret, though, so i did, only telling benny and my favorite lead. 

in the light rain on new year’s eve, benny and i went to the ronald reagan presidential library. what a cool place--yeah, reagan sucks, but it’s still a beautiful museum. and his entire air force one is in there--what an experience to get to walk through it. i love learning about all that stuff. in the evening, benny had a small party--it was still raining, so there wasn’t much of a turnout. it wasn’t the best night, especially since it’s my favorite holiday. but there’s always the next one. 

had some trips to knotts. for a while, i didn’t think i would want to renew my annual pass, but it’s just so cheap that it’s worth it even if you only go a dozen times a year. 

continued to work at target every now and again. they do be giving us free food, i’ll give em that. maybe i’ll quit before the end of 2023. we’ll see. 

drove so much. i love my prius and am so grateful for its reliability. even though traffic sucks, it’s nice to get to spend that time with myself. i still take the bus sometimes, though.

started actively saving money. i still owe student loans, but it seems to be forever on pause, so i just pay a bit here and there. i opened a high-yield savings account and really try to contribute to it often. 

was sort of sad a lot of the time. it’s just hard to be happy with your life when you’re in an hourly position and so many of your peers have ‘career’ jobs and seem so well-established--but i know that everyone has different paths and that i will be okay. but everyone gets in their own head. i also have to admit that i really hate that benny still lives with his family and had such a different upbringing than me. i hate admitting it, but it’s the truth. it sometimes makes it so hard to see a future together where we are established (by that, i mean with steady jobs and a place to ourselves), when we just don’t have good foundations to build on yet, despite being in our mid-20s. it challenges me and my thinking, but i’m also grateful for it. i don’t want to always be comfortable in life--but goddamn is it difficult sometimes. i feel that the relationship is so juvenile in terms of our stage in life. we will get there, though. and benny is miles ahead of me in so many facets of emotional intelligence. 

loved lana del rey, i have to admit

song of the year: “head full of doubt/road full of promise,” the avett brothers. it makes my heart heavy with a load of both fear and perseverance--‘decide what to be and go be it’ is such a scary, yet beautiful phrase. the entire song takes me aback with how much i can relate it to my own struggles (or whatever). 

2022 really saw the country come out of the pandemic, if you can even separate the times in that way. i find myself getting more removed from current events, and i hate myself for it. i don’t feel as aware as i used to be during college. i just go through the days at work, try to stay healthy, and spend time with friends and benny. i miss how i used to keep up with the world. maybe someday, i’ll start again. for now, i just try to be all right with my own life. i suppose you have to be okay with yourself, primarily, right? after all, it’s your own thoughts and body that you are with the most. it may be selfish, but it’s unavoidable. i would like to be happy with my own life, and i think i will eventually. i’m getting there. and the days continue to pass lazily, yet quickly. “i know pain is as natural as the rain; i just thought it didn’t rain in california.” 

[wrestlingisfake]

Dominion preview

El Desperado vs. Taiji Ishimori - This is the final match in the Best of the Super Jr. tournament; there is no time limit, and there must be a winner. Despe won A Block with a 6-3 record, and defeated B Block runner-up DOUKI in the semifinals. Ishimori finished at 7-2 atop B Block, and won the other semifinal against the A runner-up, TJP.

The winner of this match will presumably challenge SHO for the IWGP junior heavyweight championship. In the past the BOSJ winner would get his title shot at Dominion, but obviously that's not the case this time. I can only assume the title match will headline one of the shows on the next tour (June 16-July 5). Then again, Despe is promoting his own indie show, Despe Invitacional, on June 10, so it'd be wild if he won this match and challenged Sho to meet him on his own turf.

For Ishimori, this match is part of the long road to come back from a neck injury that took him out of last year's BOSJ and cost him five months of his career. But I can't really believe he's going to win and challenge a member of House of Torture, which is technically still aligned with him within Bullet Club. It'd be interesting if it happened, but I wouldn't hold my breath. To me, the logical pick here is Despe, considering New Japan is distributing his show tomorrow, and both parties would benefit if he closed this show with a go-home promo.

Jon Moxley vs. EVIL - This is Moxley's fourth defense of the IWGP world heavyweight title. Evil punked Mox out on May 11, declaring himself the next top contender, and defacing the title belt with black spray paint. This will be Evil's third shot at the belt. He's never been world champion, although in 2020 he did win the "double crown" of the heavyweight and intercontinental titles, which were later unified to create the prize Mox holds today.

This is billed as a "lumberjack deathmatch." As with any lumberjack match, a crowd of wrestlers will surround the ring, to make sure any participant who exits the ring is promptly put back between the ropes. There isn't really a rule that says whether the lumberjacks can or should rough up participants they don't like, but that's what always happens. Since it's supposed to be a deathmatch, I guess anything goes and Moxley will do some sick shit. But a deathmatch in New Japan isn't quite as violent as you'd expect from BJW, or GCW, or even AEW, so don't count on seeing broken glass and fire.

Traditionally, the lumberjacks would be a random assortment of babyfaces and heels, but in New Japan the general idea is that each participant selects his own set of enforcers. Evil's lumberjacks are his buddies from House of Torture: Ren Narita, Sho, Yujiro Takahashi, Yoshinobu Kanemaru, and Dick Togo. (As far as I know, Jack Perry won't be in town for the show, but it'd be pretty funny if he did a surprise run-in.) Moxley's side consists of his young sidekick Shota Umino and four old-timers: Yuji Nagata, Togi Makabe, Hiroyoshi Tenzan, and Tiger Mask. I like all the guys on Mox's side, but they haven't exactly convinced me they can keep the House of Torture in check.

So I think it's pretty obvious Moxley has to retain, right? I mean, they'll tease the idea of Evil winning in a fuck finish, because that's what they always do with the House of Torture. But they're not actually going to build Mox up like Superman just for him to slip on a banana peel and lose the world title to fucking Robbie Rotten. Which means the most interesting angle heading into this match is the NJPW press conference where management vowed to crack down on all the blatant cheating the House of Torture specializes in. If that wasn't just a bunch of hot air, then you'd think this would be the House of Torture's last stand, and it'll be interesting to see if the story is presented as such.

Shingo Takagi vs. HENARE - Takagi's NEVER title is on the line. Henare issued a challenge for the title on May 11, in video package announcing his return from injury. Two months earlier, the top of Henare's head was badly lacerated during the big United Empire vs. War Dogs cage match. You could tell it was bad, because they kept him off-camera for most of the match, and when he finally got back into action (!) his head was heavily bandaged up, like that one bounty hunter from The Empire Strikes Back.

Anyway, I thought Henare was scary as fuck to begin with, and that was before he got tattoos all over his face, and now the dude is coming back from nearly bleeding to death to pick a fight with Shingo. Henare's got me feeling like this is a battle between a Maori warrior and literal Japanese dragon, and I am pretty stoked for this. It'd be a great story for Henare to win the title in an epic slugfest. But I've felt that way for years, and that hasn't been enough for New Japan to push the guy. I'll be pulling for the challenger, but this match could go either way.

KENTA & Chase Owens vs. El Phantasmo & Hikuleo vs. Hirooki Goto & YOSHI-HASHI vs. Shane Haste & Mikey Nicholls - Kenta and Chase are defending the IWGP heavyweight tag team title, while ELP and Hiku are defending the STRONG tag team title. This is an elimination match, so whenever one of the participants loses a fall, he and his partner must leave; the match continues until all but one team is eliminated. We're also using tornado rules, so all eight men can brawl all over the place at the same time.

Kenta/Owens and Bishamon (Goto/Yoshi) have been trading the IWGP title back and forth; meanwhile the Guerillas of Destiny and Haste/Nicholls have been fighting over the STRONG belts. Haste and Nicholls crossed the streams on May 5, when they tried to challenge the IWGP champs, and the other two teams weren't too keen about that.

This will be the fourth time in the past 14 months that one team will hold both of these tag titles. I keep thinking New Japan intends to unify them, but it never happens. Indeed, earlier this week they announced that all the STRONG-branded championships would be exclusive to the US market going forward. Okay, cool, but that clearly wasn't the plan when you guys booked this double title match in Japan. I can't even begin to predict a winner for this, because I can't understand the direction of the titles.

Jeff Cobb vs. Tomohiro Ishii - Cobb won the NJPW World television championship last month, and Ishii stepped up to get the first title shot. This title is always defended within a fifteen-minute time limit. Cobb's big thing these days is complaining that anybody can just walk up to Jon Moxley and demand a world title shot. For some reason, he's not bothered at all that Ishii received this title shot by just walking up to Cobb and demanding it. I think Cobb should retain, although I'm not sure where he's headed unless he's going to challenge Moxley.

Hiroshi Tanahashi & Toru Yano & Boltin Oleg vs. Yota Tsuji & Hiromu Takahashi & BUSHI - Tana's team is defending the NEVER trios title. Tsuji's team (along with Titan) defeated the champs (along with Dragon Dia) in an eight-man tag match on June 3, to set up this title bout. Oleg looks to be as big as Hiromu and Bushi put together, so the challengers are at a bit of a disadvantage. I'd like to see Tsuji's team win some gold, but it's just the trios title so it doesn't make much difference who ends up with it. I can't pick a winner here.

Yuya Uemura vs. Great-O-Khan - Uemura defeated Khan for the KOPW title on April 27, so this is the rematch. Whoever, holds the title at the end of the year will be the KOPW 2024 champion. The rules for this match prohibit strikes of any kind; all offense must be limited to holds and throws. Going out of bounds--by exiting the ring or by using the ropes to escape a hold--is discouraged: Each participant is only allowed to do it twice, and after that it's an immediate disqualification. Oh, and there's a fifteen-minute time limit. I guess it'll be fun to watch these guys grapple for a while, but I've spent more time writing down the rules than I'm going to spend thinking about this match. Uemura should retain.

Zack Sabre Jr. & Robbie Eagles & Kosei Fujita vs. Clark Connors & Drilla Moloney & LJ Cleary - This is a preview of Connors/Moloney vs. Eagles/Fujita for the IWGP junior tag title, scheduled for June 16. Cleary is part of the Good Looking Guys faction in Pro Wrestling NOAH, which apparently has some sort of alliance with the War Dogs. Seems like Sabre's team should win here, unless they want to showcase Cleary for some reason.

Tetsuya Naito vs. Callum Newman - Newman spent the Best of the Super Jr. tour angling for a one-on-one match against Naito. Naito seems to find that kind of ridiculous. I tend to agree, since Newman looks to be 120 pounds if he was soaking wet with a brick in his pants. Usually when they do this sort of thing the young upstart gets clobbered, and then he reminisces about it seven years later when their paths cross again and the odds are very different. I expect this match to follow that pattern.

[insanescriptist]

Jason's resurrection is a cosmic quirk in that Jason wasn't meant to die and so when corrected for, he woke up in his coffin. Alive. Nice to know that you went against cosmic law to die.

Considering he had died and revived in the coffin aware enough and capable enough to break out through a hard wood casket (mahogany) and the dirt on top.... Well, he had functioning lungs and no obvious broken bones (at least when it came to arms and hands before he broke out.) He still had surface damage though as he came back with bruising on his face and around his eye. This is visible in the comics. Other damage to his ribs and legs is not. Any damage he had been "healed" for includes body transformation post corpsing ie rot, autopsy, preservation practices and what Undertakers do to show off a body for the funeral.

In the US, properly preserved bodies don't actually rot. They're actually Soap Mummies. Google that. And how they're made. Which would answer that. Even when given a rotting body, one of the first steps is to change out the fluids in the body so as to prevent further rot. Formaldehyde be upon ye. 3.5. When Jason woke up in his coffin, it was pretty pristine in there. That's called the magic of the The Undertaker Doing Their Job. Thank you comics for acknowledging the work of that, even if the fandom fails to acknowledge other bits of mortuary practices.

Search engine be failing you because you're being too specific about an open ended question. Coffins and caskets are made out of differing types of wood which have different longevity in terms of integrity. (There's also the quality of construction to consider. Coffins and caskets are synonyms, not the exact same thing.) You should be asking "how long does it take mahogany to rot when kept in damp environmental conditions," because soil retains water and Gotham is frequently portrayed as damp. You should also look up actual exhumations and see if any bugs had broken into coffins. Coffins are great at protecting bodies from bugs. As mentioned before, he wouldn't be actively decaying/rotting. Even in the comic where international stuff happened to delay getting Jason's body back, and it's gruesomely rotten, once you have something rotting, you can absolutely slow further decay through the magic of Formaldehyde. Plus uh, that comic ignores the fact that you do need a fresher body for an autopsy, which is how we know that Jason actually died of smoke inhalation. It's on his death certificate. Maggots would only be in there if flies had gotten into the casket the day they buried him. And uh, it was raining, in late spring/early summer in New Jersey. Not saying flies couldn't, but they'd have to be in the funeral home first. Again, if there was anything living in Jason's corpse due to poor sanitary conditions prior to transport to the US, it would have been killed through the magic of Formaldehyde. There's water soluble formaldehyde that is used as an insecticide.

One of the comics showed Jason's body had rotted on its way to Gotham, which made me realize it probably wasnt just laying there all pristine-ish in the months he was dead. Which leads to several interesting questions

1: How much decay wouldve been too much for sudden resurrection? Is there a limit? Could he have come back if he had gotten cremated

2: How much did resurrection heal

3: If he'd been rotting during the months before coming back, how much blood and liquids and rot seeped into casket, did it stay there? Was he trapped in there smelling his own rot, surrounded by his own decay, as he tried desperately to claw his way out?

3 1/2: Or did the evidence of decay disappear, as if never there. I guess all this depends on how exactly he was brought back and how that worked

4: Search engines won't answer my questions on how long it takes for bugs n maggots to get into caskets. So if he was already rotting do you think any possibly got inside before burial, do morticians have anything to kill off all bugs and eggs in a decayed body or no. Seach engines still won't answer me

[kendrene]

It’s not the first time Alicent gets in trouble because of Rhaenyra. Won't be the last either. It’s a first, however, that she disobeys a direct command from her father without the Princess instigating at her side. 

It’s very much on brand for Rhaenyra to get herself into all sorts of trouble, and quite concerning when she doesn’t. Nine years old Rhaenyra had tried her hand at arson. Topped that the following season by breaking and entering into her father’s private study. For the span of one short, hideous summer, just before turning two and ten, she self-elected court thief — a career choice that Alicent recalls with fondness and dread mixing in her gut. 

It starts small, always. The fire that nearly burned the stables to a crisp was kindled by a child’s innate curiosity and a piece of broken glass. The impromptu lockpicking had been the end result of a foolish, stupid dare. With the stealing — which Rhaenyra still insists is the simple innocent transference of any given object from the environment to her pockets —  it happened the same way. Bits and bobs nobody would miss, the Septa's prayer book, once the Maester’s favorite quill. In her defense, everything eventually reappeared, if not where the owners had last left it. Rhaenyra has never been the best at strategy however, and so she's often caught red-handed — and Alicent with her. She's resigned herself to it, thinking it part of her role as favored companion. 

Punishment is the payment for the reward of sharing in the spotlight of her betters.

Except the former is not doled out as equally as she lets her friend believe. She's sure not a hand, not the tip of a finger were ever laid on Rhaenyra.

Alicent has tried to hate her for it, coming close whenever the sting of the cured leather on the skin of her buttocks and thighs is so fresh as to make it impossible to sit. Ultimately, she can't. 

She recognizes these antics for what they really are. A cry for some attention, the blundering attempt to be seen as something other than a furthering of the Targaryen line.

But now Rhaenyra's mother is dead and burnt, and her younger brother is buried, and in the eyes of the realm she's the Heir, a would-be Queen, a fertile womb, a liability.

The time for pranks is over.

Outside the Hand's quarters, the castle is a kicked anthill, is buzzing with alarm. Targaryen soldiers in red and black patrol all hallways in small groups, and larger parties — sometimes directed by an officer, sometimes by a member of the Kingsguard — search through nook and cranny, barge into every single room. Alicent risks discovery twice. Almost comes face to face with her father in the gardens, and it is only by virtue of the quick thinking on her part that she avoids the humiliation of being apprehended. 

She has to wait for them to leave, crouched behind a rounded bit of shrubbery for minutes.  The search party is so close to her on the other side of the prickly foliage that she could reach out and touch the nearest man if she chose to, so close that she can hear them shift in place and stomp their boots to ward off the briskness of the air.

It’s an eternity. A lifetime. Cramps bite at her right thigh and she brings her center of gravity forward. Winces when her sleeve gets snagged on the greenery and several twigs snap. Fortunately, the pop-crackle is lost in the arrival of another group of soldiers.

"She's not in the Godswood, m'Lord." One of them says, and her father swears loudly. These are his retainers, the sigil of House Hightower displayed proudly on their chests. "We could comb through the gardens again," Alicent clamps a hand over her mouth and wills herself not to breathe. "But it's probably no use."

Her father shakes his head. She can't quite see his face from where she's hiding; only a subtle, angry twitch of muscle in his jaw. 

"The King is right. She must have sneaked off to the city. Still, it was worth a try." The sigh he lets out is more of a low rumble, and he seems on the verge of adding something else, something that Alicent can guess — somehow — is far from complimentary. Then, he reconsiders. "Come. I want to bring the Princess back before nightfall."

They walk off, gravel crunching underfoot, armor jingling softly. Alicent doesn’t pay them any mind. The world is hushed beneath the rush of blood in her ears, drowned in the frantic staccato of her heart. It’s not fear that has her pressing a hand to her chest, that has her throat constricting until she’s forced to fight for air — it’s rage.

It’s not that she hasn’t been angry before. She’s been mad at Rhaenyra for her obliviousness, because she fails to see that what sets her above the rest of them won’t shield those close to her from consequences. She’s been so mad at her mother who has left her behind, in a world where love is scarce and comes at a steep price. She’s been angry with her father most of all, for having forgotten her, lost as he is in the sea of his own grieving.

But she’s been taught from a young age that she’s to swallow it all down. That she’s to sit pretty and still and quiet, and let those that know what’s best for her do all the talking. 

Princess, her father had called Rhaenyra, and the omission of her rightful title has Alicent’s head swimming with an unpleasantness of thoughts. He’s always been so careful about what is right and proper, especially in public, and that he’s stopped being careful now — she stands, and vows to find Rhaenyra before anyone else does.

[so-mordor-itis]

94 - nightmare with Thoma? I feel like he’d be so good at comforting an s/o with night terrors or bad dreams ;u;

You didn't remember what the dream had been about. At that point, you were willing to place guesses on just about anything; the Raiden Shougun taking your vision, her blade sparking up with lightning, it's purple streaks as it climbed up your skin. A valid fear, considering the times.

You had not even screamed, or started awake. You only opened your eyes, realizing you were indeed not in front of the Raiden Shougun, or listening to Thoma's shouts and pleas as she rose her sword to strike. Your heart rate, however, matched the pace as it was in your dream. You rose your hand to see it had been shaking. You sighed through your nose, hoping your little movements didn't wake the man beside you.

Thoma deserved as much rest as he could get. He had been working so hard the previous day, maintaining the Kamisato estate with the occasional help from you and the other retainers in the area, but he was stubborn and said you worked just as hard as he did. You truly begged to differ.

After taking a deep breath, you attempted to escape the comforting warmth of the sheets beneath you. The chill of night immediately caressed your skin and you shivered; sudden regret flew over you, but you didn't want to risk waking Thoma. Surely the up and down movements would stir him awake.

The estate was quiet at night, though quiet as one could get. In the distance, a side rumbling of thunder could be heard, probably from the neighboring island. Still, despite your possible dream, it was comforting. It told you she wasn't near you. She was far away, and you were okay.

"Taking a late night stroll?"

You jumped, clutching a wooden pillar with all your might. "T...Thoma?" He was awake.

He looked sleepy, which you found oddly cute. His normally combed blond hair was a bit messy, down and not in its usual ponytail. You felt a twinge of guilt surface in your stomach; perhaps your removed weight created a disturbance.

"You're not as sneaky as you try to be," he explained, soft smile accompanying his sleepiness. As if you said something sour, his mood instantly changed. Worry had replaced his smile. "Is everything alright?"

Ah.

You tried to bite down the tears, your nose began to itch with the threat. "Yeah. I'm...I'm fine." No. Don't cry. Please.

Thoma softly said your name, and the dam had broken. You began to cry, though it was quiet. The man took only a few steps before reaching you, arms around you in a protective manner, hand sliding through your hair just the way you liked it. You most likely didn't even need to explain to him what happened--he already knew.

"You're okay," Thoma mumbled, lips touching the top of your head. "It's alright."

"I'm sorry for waking you..." You found yourself saying. He only shook his head, parting you from him to cradle your face in his hands. His thumb caught a tear that had escaped.

"You never have to apologize for that. If you need me," he gazed deep into your eyes. "you know I'm here."

The flow of your tears became heavier. Relief, perhaps? You couldn't tell.

You didn't realize the soft rumbling in the distance had stopped.

~

|Tags:|

@halcyon-writings , @sierrascribbles , @dulcesiabits

[theomnicode]

Aight, time to prove some God theory of mine.

Knowledge of the flow of all energy and behaviour of all the forces in the universe. Basically, every force that exists in OPM?

God knows this force and this energy. Because Cosmic Garou got this impartation of power from God.

ESP? Done. Fighting spirit? Yes. Resurrection? It's there. Cosmic powers? You're goddamn right. Time travel? Naturally.

Divine power and Saitama's power of origin? Duh, that's what it gave Garou. The power of cognition, the psyche, is strong in OPM God.

If the narration says all forces and all energies, it hardly just means "cosmic forces" like time, space, causality, black holes, star power or fission reaction. Why would it? It means literally everything that has been shown in OPM universe.

Horizons of power, meaning:

The Mind, the Body and the Soul. This is divine power in it's fullest form. That is my current hypothesis.

(Bottom is mind, middle is body and top is soul)

The mind consists of powers such as ESP and cognition. Big Brain power. The body consists of monsterization, emotions, drive and instincts, life and such bodily powers. Whether monsterization is separate from bodily powers? Who knows. Once the person has broken both of these limits of the mind and body and attained rebirth, they can obtain soul powers, cosmic powers. Inner universe.

Breaking the limit is basically breaking the limits of mortality.

--

All this already makes OPM God pretty damn fearsome opponent. But what about the cosmic powers, the inner universe and all this specifically make it soul power? Even if we don't delve into references and buddhist cosmology?

Because we've also been shown spiritualism in the series before, in phoenixman vs CE, where Phoenixman not only mentally connects and drags CE to a spiritual plane, but also resurrects dead people into zombies and casually resurrected two guys that Flashy killed. Who retained their personalities and their memories.

Their core beings were essentally dragged back from beyond the veil. Most likely because they did not yet have a chance to pass on to eternity from the Sanzu river, a place Zombieman saw when he died. Purgatory basically where the souls await their judgement. Unlike the mindless zombies phoenixman resurrected which had already died long ago and their souls had passed on, impossible to be revived.

Spiritualism is part of the universal powers, therefore it is also something OPM God has, as per narrative.

It is all even more clear when Garou, who has divine power, same as Saitama, comes back as a spirit to say goodbye to Tareo and that Saitama's physical body corrected the paradox that there could not exist two physical copies of Saitama in the same timeline.

Souls can apparently interact though and thats why the consciousness has no memory of this kind of interaction even happening. Available consciousness, the psyche, is different from the soul of the person. Soul exists far deeper than what the conscious mind is aware of and why spirits require an alternate state of consciousness to be seen.

OPM God would also have this kind of spiritual power and Saitama as well, if he ever taps into it consciously.

So, what is the common denominator between Garou's spiritual form and OPM God then?

They've both left their physical bodies behind.

Ergo, what it means...

He is already dead. He is a spirit.

That is why he calls himself "God."

How do you kill something that has no life?

Good fucking question mate.

The moon and his physical body is merely just a prison, if it's even bound to it anymore.

It's physical body may be the only way to actually bind it to space, time and causality. Otherwise it would have free reign. What a scary thought.

--

Now, a theory...

Deep inside the Earth, the abyss, there is something that Blast and Co want to keep sealed away.

Then Saitama and buddies went and interacted with God's cubes that opened a rift in the fabric of space. But what they also did was subtly, give it divine power and break through the fabric of space that it was sealed behind. Light in the darkness.

I doubt anybody knows about what actually happened here, but I have no doubts that this spirit is already wreacking havoc on the mortal world of OPM, because it got more powerful. That or Blast and Co have their hands full trying to contain it still. But I don't think even Blast and buddies know about the full extent of it's spiritual powers.

(Disaster level: God meta here)

[therealvinelle]

I know this is like taking a bat to the beehive but... I really wanna hear your opinions on the whole... Imprinting thing

(Note before we go any further: this meta is written purely about the shapeshifting aspect of the Quileute characters, I don’t at all get into the racism in Twilight or any kind of social commentary. This is a purely watsonian meta. Others in this fandom have already addressed the racial dynamics at play, far more eloquently and knowledgeably than me. If I say something in here that’s in any way offensive, that’s not my intention and I’m open to criticism.)

Ooh imprinting.

I touch upon it here, basically I hate it.

The imprinting is part of this theme where the shapeshifters lose their free will and autonomy, and I find it tragic, cruel, and unnecessary.

First of, the fact that they have to phase at all.

They’re made warriors to protect their tribe. There’s no choice involved, only genetics and magic irrevocably changing their lives, and at a ridiculously young age, too. Sam is the oldest of them, and he is 19.

Violence is an inherent part of what they become. Their purpose is to protect the tribe, by fighting vampires. Not only is this insanely dangerous (we see Jake get so injured by a single vampire that he’s bedridden for weeks), but if they succeed, they will have killed. In the singularly brutal manner of tearing apart and burning someone who looks a lot like a human, who talks and might beg for their life, at that. And I remind you, most of these shapeshifters are literal children. They might not see vampires as people, but all the same, killing one can’t be good for their mental wellbeing. (Thought: Perhaps an argument can be made for Laurent’s death having a part in the turn Jake’s personality took? Some, though not many, of the symptoms for PTSD do fit. I don’t know enough about PTSD to pursue this train of thought, but it occurred to me just now, in particular he becomes quite aggressive and prone to outbursts after that incident, so into a parenthesis it goes)

Not to mention how inhumane that responsibility is. Vampires in the Twilight-verse are terrifying, and the shapeshifters might have the power to fight them. But (and this is where I plug one of my all-time favorite animes, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, as it asks the question “Is it okay to sacrifice yourself for others?” because that’s... well there’s a parallel to be made to the shapeshifters. It’s on Netflix!) does that mean they should? Is it really their responsibility? Again- they’re kids!

Then there’s the time Sam lost control, and accidentally mauled the girl he loved. And it’s so cruel to both him and Emily. Sam never chose to have to control himself in the first place, he never chose shapeshifting. He didn’t choose to imprint on Emily either, and he didn’t choose to lose control that day. At no point in the series of events that led to Emily being mauled did Sam have any real choice, and yet he will shoulder the guilt for what happened for the rest of his life.

These kids get superpowers, and several of them seem to enjoy being shapeshifters, but the fact remains that they now carry this huge responsibility to protect their families and homes, doing so is incredibly dangerous, they lose out on their regular lives, and they can’t opt out of it.

This all sucks, but then we get to the fact that they are deprived of their free will, as their alpha can issue an order they physically can’t break. The alpha becomes alpha because of bloodlines, not because of a democratic election. Jake got a mockery of a choice in that he could choose to become alpha himself, or let Sam continue, which was really just choosing between a rock and a hard place. There is no limitation to what this order can be, from “don’t say X to person Y” to “let’s kill someone you love”. Jake has to struggle to break that last one, and he’s only successful because of the bloodline thing letting him become his own alpha.

Oh, and there’s the massive invasion of privacy when they have a hive mind. Cool concept, less cool to have it be reality. Leah is the poster child for how a hive mind can backfire, and they can’t opt out of this.

I’m not good at gifs, but the shapeshifters just make me think of that gif of someone flicking a lightswitch on and off, “WELCOME TO HELL!”. Of course, Twilight in general is a pit of despair for everybody, so I suppose that gif really is... well it sums up all of canon.

So, we have these kids aged 19 or younger, as of Breaking Dawn they skew as young as thirteen, their lives are turned upside down by something they can’t opt out of, they must shoulder this huge responsibility to protect their homes and families from the terrifying threat of vampires, and on top of all of that, they must obey orders that are so irresistible, they can compel them to harm someone they care for.

With all of that in mind, you’d think that the shapeshifters had enough on their plate. That through all of this they would at least retain their selves, and be able to look forward to a future where they could stop phasing, and go on to live normal, human, lives.

Yeah, NOT IF THEY IMPRINT.

I’ll just quote Jake’s description:

Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the halfvampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was—my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self—disconnected from me in that second—snip, snip, snip—and floated up into space. 

I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was. 

Not one string, but a million. Not strings, but steel cables. A million steel cables all tying me to one thing—to the very center of the universe. 

I could see that now—how the universe swirled around this one point. I’d never seen the symmetry of the universe before, but now it was plain. 

The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood. (Breaking Dawn, page 237)

Everything that made me who I was disconnected from me.

Jake’s love for his father, his home, his very own self, it’s all gone now. And while I have thoughts on the authenticity of this imprint, whether it was organic, the description above is apparently how imprinting feels. It’s along the lines of what Sam, Jared, and Paul all describe.

I don’t think I can put into words just how devastating I find imprinting, I think the above quotation speaks for itself. And as with all other shapeshifter things, there is no choice involved.

We see its devastating effects in the Emily, Sam, and Leah debacle. Sam and Leah were serious together, so much so that they were engaged. Sam had fallen for and chosen to be with Leah. Perhaps they would have broken up eventually, but Leah was still the choice he made. Then he imprints on Emily, and all that is for naught. He had to break up with Leah, who if she hadn’t phased never would have learned why, Emily and Leah’s relationship is ruined, and Emily must forever live with the knowledge that if Sam had his free will intact he would be with another woman.

Then there’s Jared and Kim. Kim crushed on Jared, but Jared never noticed her. The fact that they were in the same class is damning: if a boy is attracted to a girl, he's gonna notice her. Jared never did.

Quil imprints on Claire, who is a toddler. That’s just a recipe for misery and disaster all around.

And I’ve only touched the shapeshifter side of things. They lose their autonomy and freedom, but the imprintées draw the short straw too. They’re now responsible for this other person’s happiness. Sure, having someone who’ll be whatever you need them to be sounds nice (well, it sounds horrifying, but I’m playing ball) on paper, but you can’t opt out of them being like that. The imprintée can’t say “Sorry, not interested,” and she certainly can’t shut the imprinter out of her life, not without irrevocably ruining the imprinter’s life. The imprinter needs her. She’s the center of his earth now, but she didn’t choose to be.

Imprinting is a liferuiner for everyone involved.

Then we have the question of what imprinting is even for. I’m afraid I agree with Billy, that it’s for procreation. We see Sam, who was dating a woman about to phase (even if Leah isn’t infertile, she’s a warrior now. She can’t run in the woods and fight vampires, and gestate and nurse a child at the same time) conveniently imprint on her cousin, who as cousin to Leah is from a shifter bloodline. Claire, as Emily’s cousin, has those same genetics. Paul imprints on a woman from the Black family line. Jake is the outlier, but either Renesmée’s gift helped that imprinting along, or he imprinted because of the offspring they could potentially have (I firmly believe it’s the former because the latter... NOPE. Also, I can’t imagine whatever magic drives imprinting would want vampiric progeny for the future generations. Regardless of Renesmée’s person, her biology is wired to desire human blood. That’s exactly what Jake is supposed to protect people from. Bad match.).

I just.... ughhh. God, I hate imprinting so much, and on every level.

To me, everything about the shapeshifters is about free will, autonomy, and the loss thereof. And it would have been beautiful if their story was about reclaiming that, but it isn’t. None of this, with the exception of the alpha orders, is even acknowledged.

So, in summation, yes I hate imprinting, but it’s only the horror cherry on top of a very sad and problematic cake.

[twelfth-harbinger]

A/n: So this happened... I simp for this archon god. Part two will be out soon! Pls enjoy!!

Mentions: A worried Zhongli— cares so much about your safety you entered a contract with him to ease his heart. Only to be reckless and well... break it. Xiao snitched. Now you must suffer the wrath of the rock and face a fitting punishment.

Warnings: None... yet. ;)

The Broken Contract Part 1

Being the absurdly lawful man that he is, Zhongli could not stand for a broken contract between you both. Even if it was a verbal contract it was a contract nonetheless.

How could he not be upset when you failed to follow through with your end of the contract. He sat across from you with tea, allowing the misty steam from the fine liyue crafted chinaware to fill his nostrils as he raised the cup to his lips. His eyes closed briefly to relax himself as he took his first sip. You stared at him, a bit awestruck at his composure being kept. What ever happened to ‘You will suffer the wrath of the rock?’ You wore a quaint smile on your lips, something he didn’t find all that amusing. Golden eyes settle on your face as he lowered the teacup. It was silent, the two of you could hear Mora drop with how still it was. You could tell he was pressed, the crease in his brow as he studied your nonchalant facial expression made it as clear as a refined and polished piece of cor lapis. Finally, he broke the silence with a question, one you didn’t think he’d ask so casually.

“How should we go about giving you the punishment you deserve?” He stated, your eyes widened a bit as he spoke. His voice was deep, smooth and firm and his eyes held the authority of a god you knew better than to cross. You simply couldn’t help it though, not when you knew he held a soft spot for you in his heart. As you part your lips to speak you noticed he looked at them momentarily before meeting your eyes again. He spoke further instead when you bit down on your bottom lip subconsciously. “You voided the contract and held disregard for your own life. Do you know what those treasure hoarders were going to do to you?” The irritation in his voice stagnated in the air and you felt a little apprehensive under his reprimanding gaze. His eyes glowed, amber-gold speckled with hints of deep copper brown; they were entrancing. “If it weren’t for a passing adventurer assisting you, you’d be dead or worse. Even he was worse for wear after the ordeal. Had I not been on my way to the Wangshu Inn, returning from Qingce Village; I wouldn’t have caught wind of your fate at all.”

He paused to let his words sink in, your nearly fatal encounter with a band of treasure hoarders left you severely injured for a few long weeks. You took up residence in the Wangshu Inn to rehabilitate. While you were recovering, you made it your mission to avoid Xiao. It didn’t help when you bumped into him in the kitchen upon making yourself one of your favorite meals from Monstadt. You made him promise not to tell Zhongli but, he simply told you he didn’t have to. It perplexed you nonetheless as he took his leave, only to later find out that Zhongli was just a few hours away from reaching the inn. He would’ve told him anyways. When he saw you and the state those greedy treasure hoarders left you in, he took a personalized trip to the East of Luhua Pool. Once he returned, he took very good care to you, until you were well enough to discuss the means of your broken contract back in Liyue. The time had come and so, there you both were. He placed his tea down in front of him and looked to you for a proper response, something you found quite difficult to do without saying something that would undoubtedly make this serious man irritable.

“I don’t think I did anything wrong.” You replied, Zhongli sat there, his eyes searching your face for any signs of a jest. You were serious, he couldn’t stop a faint laugh from moving past his lips as he took in what you said. You decided to follow up with it to not seem so stubborn in your ways, it didn’t really help. “Meaning, I took the commission well within the means to do so in our contract.” As you finished your statement, the Archon God stared at you blankly. It was mainly due to the astonishment of what you had just said; it left him a little speechless. Were you really trying to get through a loophole in this contract? While sitting in front of the God of Contracts himself— in the middle of the conversation no less; as well as being in the midst of discussing a fitting punishment? More importantly, was it a valid claim? Zhongli took a moment to ponder it over, his hand moving under his chin as you took a sip of your own tea. You had a sly smile on your face but it faded the moment he looked your way. He caught it in his peripheral though, but refrained from commenting on it.

“You aren’t wrong,” he began, lowering his hand and letting it rest flat on the table by his tea. “However, in the contract we made, it was stated that you would never throw away your life for a commission that would inevitably put you in a position where you can’t properly defend yourself. You did all of that to retrieve a worthless scroll for Lan? Did you really believe that facing an entire band of treasure hoarders in their hideout was worth more than your life?” He genuinely asked, knowing he caught you. You looked away from him with a light pout. When the scroll reached Lan, she told you it was the wrong one and after careful analysis by Zhongli and an Archeologist it was found out to also be a decoy and a fake. Which meant no reward for the commission and the initial request still being up for grabs for any other Adventurer out there. You could understand where Zhongli’s worry and vexation was stemming from. He sighed out and leaned back in his seat; arms folding over his chest as he looked at you. “I’m not angry at you but displeased by the way you don’t think things through. Which is why we made this contract in the first place, I worry about your safety more than you will ever know.” As you met his gaze his expression was soft, which made you feel warm inside. His eyes lowered a bit and a placid expression layered itself on his face. “So?” He said “How shall we go about giving you the proper punishment? It would seem you can only learn the hard way for this isn’t the first time.” He eyed you and under his stare rosy pink blush dusted your cheeks. In any case, he wanted an answer from you that you weren’t too sure how to give.

“I would rather you come up with it, I wouldn’t come up with anything just.” You admitted, he made you read a thick ancient text on the meaning of life once and it was absolute torture. You didn’t retain any of it having fallen asleep more times than you can count. However, when it was still fresh in your mind you were able to recite what Zhongli asked for when he mentioned something about the key points of the passage on the 600th page. When you proposed the idea, he was a bit unsure how he should go about admonition. As he pondered it over, he watched you take a sip from the warm tea he had brewed for you both prior to your current conversation. You licked your lips as you savored the taste of the flowery sweet minty beverage. A refined taste for those who partake in the ritual of tea time, it was then Zhongli realized something. You two hadn’t done anything promiscuous since before you took the commission on. Given his work and the fact that you were injured as well as the hiccups in finding out the authenticity of the scroll and dealing with treasure hoarders; it left little time to be intimate with each other. Zhongli had not thought about it until he was able to be alone with you. Pent up wasn’t even close to what he would describe what he was feeling in that very moment. As he shifted in his seat he let out an exasperated sigh, a gloved finger tapping down idly on the surface of the table you two sat across.

“I see, I’ve thought of something just now.” He said, faint smirk tugging shyly at the corner of his lips. You looked at him, your eyes searching his face for his usual stern and stoic expression. When you found something more playful you looked a little lost. He caught your stare the eye contact you made caused heat to rise to your face.

“What is it?” You asked, wanting to know. Zhongli stood and let his hands rest flat on the table as he did so, before folding them back over his chest.

“I have work to do, the day isn’t over yet.” He ignored your question, a crease formed in his brow as well as yours. What the hell was he thinking? You could rarely get a full read on this man. His mystique held the wisdom of someone who had lived for several millennia. He looked down at you, seeing you trying to figure him out was comical. “You should relax for the rest of the day, soak in a mineral bath with healing geo salt rocks, eat a nice meal. With the earnings from the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, I’ve bought oils and incense. Use them at your leisure and I will see you later tonight; a bit after the sun sets over Liyue Harbor.” As he spoke he walked over to the door, you weren’t sure what he was getting at but, a day to yourself didn’t sound too bad.

“Zhongli.” You say, before he walked out the door you sent a smile his way, to thank him for his kindness and care and even for his worry. “I love you.” He paused in the doorway, staring back at you with eyes slightly ajar. Your words were exactly what he needed to hear. He strolled back over to you to place a kiss on the top of your head. Eyes closing as he breathed in your sweet scent, your hair tickling his nose and chin.

“I love you too, I’ll see you tonight.” He let out an ominously light chuckle and you looked up at him with quizzical eyes. Almost asking him what was so funny, he glanced down at you and his eyes narrowed slightly. “We’ll discuss your punishment then.” With one more kiss to the top of your head he left for the remainder of the day. You sat there in anticipation, you wondered why he was being so lenient about your punishment. You almost died, how was he still not vexed with you for being so careless? Maybe he was and your charm worked better then you gave yourself enough credit for. He’d likely just have you read again and that wasn’t so bad. Whatever the case may be, you took him up on all the things he had suggested before he left. Those geo salts were truly a blessing from the Geo Archon they soothed every ache and pain you had within minutes of soaking in a nice hot in ground bath. As you did, it made you wonder what Zhongli had in store for you. The sun was nearly close to setting over the horizon of Liyue Harbor, you missed his company and the way he’d look at you with such love and adoration. He may have been unhappy with your rather reckless behavior when it came to your adventuring but, you knew you could crack his stone exterior and weasel your way into a lenient punishment — his soft spot for you was ridiculous. You only wished that he’d touch you, with a little convincing and a bit of teasing you’d have him wrapped around your finger for the night. While you soaked in the in ground bath you plotted, the warm water relaxing your body as you waited for the Archon God to return home and into your arms.

[river-bottom-nightmare]

Nightwing #80 Review

woot woot i’ve kept it up for three issues lets gooo. i liked this issue more than the last one. there’s a lot of fanon dick characterization peppered in, but not so much that it puts me off entirely. also, i’m getting increasingly concerned about bitewing. but i did like tim in this one, very nice

look at all the blue and purple and pink. honestly at this point, i’m a broken record but come on come on come onnnnnnn. the blue and pink is very pretty though. this cover’s a bit offputting at first, and a bit spiraly, which i’m sure was the intended effect.

this is a genuine concern of mine. dick’s a vigilante, and he doesn’t have the same sprawling network and resources that bruce does. (even if he is a billionaire now, he hasn’t amassed the same collection of crime-fighting equipment that bruce has.) 

i’m not sure if he’ll be able to take care of bitewing. damian’s got plenty of pets, but alfred used to take care of them, and now bruce plus the rest of the batfam is taking care of them. as far as we know, babs only drops by occasionally, and the same goes for dick’s family and friends. will dick be able to give bitewing the love and time and affection that a traumatized puppy like her needs? i really hope so.

she does look adorable in this panel tho.

dick. richard. richie. baby. why are you shirtless.

you have scars upon scars. probably chemical burns. bullet wounds. weird fucking squiggly lines from knives that only psychos with blade fetishes use. no normal person has the body that you do. and you don’t think that showing up shirtless in front of the police is going to raise suspicion? you don’t think that the people accusing you of murder are going to look at someone who looks like they’re a fucking mob enforcer and go hmm that’s a bit suspicious?

put on a SHIRT jesus CHRIST it’s like you’re not even trying to hide your identity.

look at this pompous little princess demanding only the highest quality head pets i’d burn down latvia for her. (no offense latvians it was the first country that popped into my head.)

pretty boy pretty boy pretty boy pretty boy-

no seriously kudos to the artist here. his expression is so human i wanna cry. dick, right now, is sheepishly asking a question. he knows he’s not going to get into any real trouble, he knows that he’ll be able to talk his way out of or somehow maneuver his way off this mess. but he’ll play nice for the police, so he’s asking a friend for a favour, part self-condescendingly and part oh-well-what-can-you-do.

and his expression reflects that. rather than a stoic expressionless face most male comic characters have when asking someone for something (or all the time really), rather than the weird desperate supposedly “seductive” face that most female comic characters plus dick grayson have when asking someone for something (or all the time really), he’s making a face that i pulled like yesterday. or the day before that. it’s kind of silly, kind of casual, very much human. i like it.

thank god. proper (in character) acknowledgement for officer grayson. yea, fuck cops in general, but i like that they included this line.

obviously, he’s not talking about the actual criminals, he’s talking about the police force itself. the bpd was too corrupt, and dick realized that he wasn’t helping. not only does one clean cop not make a dent in an overall dirty force, but dick was putting his allies in danger too. not only that, but it wasn’t good for dick’s mental health either. he was spreading himself too thin, and surrounding himself with some of the worst of crime 24/7 did a number on him. dick’s got a history of self-sacrificing tendencies, and i’m just glad he’s not a cop anymore.

dick has a gotham rogues mug. they make gotham rogue mugs, and dick has one.

what kinda city looks at it’s frankly horrible crime history and long list of certifiably insane serial killers who are all still alive and actively committing war crimes and goes “oooooh yea imma put that on a coffee mug!” gotham, that’s who.

this isn’t important i just like how all of bitewing’s barks are blue

back straight, hand on his hip, cheerful smile on his face as he says he’s being accused for murder. love that for him.

they couldn’t have said “yea it’s complicated” in a better way even if they put the words “yea it’s complicated” right there on the page in bold red letters. literally all the love to the artists.

dick please. you’re KILLING ME what the actual fuck IS THAT???? WHY DO YOU HAVE A MUG OF THAT???

anyway nightwing collects novelty mugs confirmed.

this paneling is so beautiful. 

tim’s the focus, but he’s not the first thing you see. he’s placed in a way that forces the reader to drag their eyes all the way up the page in order to reach him. it us know just how high up tim is carelessly crouching, especially close to the ledge of the building too. i cannot think of a single better way to introduce a character, and this character in particular: you instantly know this is a version of tim with plenty of experience and training, is comfortable in his body and knows his limits, but still hangs onto that civilian awe of being in a high place and overlooking a brightly lit city.

absolute classic robin. i love it. 

this isn’t even that important but it made me happy. this is how you train surf.

you don’t crouch or bend over when you get to a tunnel, which is oddly enough what most people think (at least from my experience). you bend backward. that not only 100% ensures that you’ll make sure you’re low enough to make it through the tunnel (because you can see the top of the tunnel, unlike when you crouch or bend), but it also makes it easier to get up: all you have to do is push up with your arms into a bent stance, and you’ll be in a ready, moving position. from a bend or a crouch, getting up is more awkward and more slow.

on a meta level, i like that this creative team knows what they’re doing when it comes to the small, almost unimportant stuff like that, because it makes the action more real. (as real as you can get with a guy running around stealing hearts.)

on a in-universe level, it once again drives home both dick and tim’s experience and professional level skill.

regardless of who you side with in the “should tim drake be robin again?” debate, you gotta admit that tim’s rebirth robin suit is r a d as fuck. if i’m not mistaken, this is the same one he was wearing in 2019 young justice for a little bit? it’s cute and hella cool i like it.

remember what i said about human expressions? doesn’t happen as often to tim bc he’s a Child, but it’s still nice to note when someone humanizes him, too. (that’s why i love the duckboy panel so much lol.)

me, at first: that’s not a “good call” dick that’s just common sense

me, now: sprinkled throughout the entire comic we can see dick bending to tim’s instructions if only briefly, joking with him to keep the mood light while still maintaining a serious mood and retaining control over this particular outing. this implies that dick’s doing it intentionally, purposefully leaving places in his sentences blank and offering affirmations, in order to encourage tim and train him in things bruce might not necessarily touch on, such as social chameleoning and misdirection techniques and love/affirmation from a family member. dick is not only a loving and supportive big brother, but he never stops training his younger brother in better vigilante tecnhiques because he wants tim to be better than him. in this essay i will-

d o g g o

also bitewing is getting so many head pats today i’m living for it

look at him, standing on a telephone wire with ease. nice flex, dick.

also look at how he’s silhouetted. the moon’s full bright, bright enough that the sky around dick is light, too. (at least. i’m like 99% sure that’s the moon.) not like most batman comics, where it’s sometimes hard to distinguish bruce from the background, which is entirely on purpose.

gotham is a dark gritty city, and so is bruce. the two of them are one. bludhaven may be a bit of a mess, but it’s being portrayed in all these different shades of blue and purple and pink, that are all light enough that dick stands out from the background. he hasn’t been swallowed up by the city, and chances are that he won’t ever be. also, the colouring helps establish bludhaven as a city too. there’s still hope for it. the light colouring means that it’s not going to sink into a pit as deep as the one bruce wove gotham into. the whole point of this nightwing arc in particular is to turn bludhaven into a better place, and it’s (most likely) letting us know early on that dick is going to accomplish that. he’ll struggle, but he’ll do it.

so dick??? dick designed his escrima sticks with a situation like this in mind? he created his signature and most iconic weapon (other than his chatty mouth), with a built in feature that turns his escrima sticks into tim’s signature and most iconic weapon???? just so that if he and tim ever got into a situation where tim didn’t have his staff, dick could make sure tim had the thing that would give him an edge over anyone he was fighting??? he’s such a big brother oh my goddd.

also tim’s smirk in this is just *chef kiss.* a staff is something he can work with, a staff is something he wields like an extension of his arm, a staff is means that someone’s about to get their ass kicked because tim’s about to beat the shit outta them.

this is my new phone background.

they really made sure we remembered that hey, those first few months when bruce was grieving too much to be any sort of a mentor to tim and was still unwilling to properly train him to be robin out of fear that he would end up like jason, dick was the one who stepped up (once he got over himself and his own fears and hangups with bruce) and trained tim to be robin, trained him how to fight and flip and fuckin fly out there, all while changing his own style a bit to be the more experienced one in the partnership while still trusting said partner to hold their own, so dick and tim have a very unique and cohesive fighting style that makes it hell for anyone who fights them together, didn’t they?

[writer-panda]

Hit on the groom and what became of it - chapter 1/I will keep missing you (if you don’t stop running)

Disclaimer: I don’t own DC or Miraculous. I’m just playing with some crazy concept. 

Chapter 1 (here)  -|-  Next

-------------

Ladybug landed on top of the Eiffel tower with practiced grace. An agitated worry roiling in her chest about the message Chat Noir left her. The urgency was one thing, but he sounded… pained. Like the weight of the world dragged him down type pain. 

Marinette knew Chat’s home life wasn’t perfect. Skilled at hiding it, maybe, but details leaked through the cracks. An offhand comment here, a muttered accusation there, a sour face yet again here. He lived in pain and tried so hard to work through it. 

She tried to help him whenever she could, both as Ladybug and Marinette. She may not return his feelings, but she always listened. For months during their third year as heroes, she left food on the rooftop when Chat’s suit revealed too many ribs. She wasn’t sure the reason and didn’t dare to ask, lest she learned too much, but she did try to help. There were times she thought she imagined the pained looks, and thin frame, and thinly veiled comments; maybe overexaggerating the situation in her mind, as she often did. After all, he always acted so cheerfully.

Then, Lila happened. 

The first strike landed swift, almost deadly, but she survived. It was what followed that made her reconsider. A prolonged fight, where Marinette chose to retain a cheerful mask to hide the pain. Along the line, she considered confiding in her parents. But what could they do?  Maybe take her from school, but that would mean Lila already won; the Liar would rule unopposed.

Which left Adrien, her last bastion of friendship. 

She still harbored a bit of a crush on him, but it was justified! Like a knight in shining armor, he stood, always ready to defend her. He always ensured her inclusion in class activities and saved her from several catastrophes. 

She still stumbled over her words with him, but when it’s minor stuttering or not talking to anyone, she forced herself to adapt. It was nowhere near as bad as it used to be. 

With the ability to spend more time with Adrien without acting like a spaz, Kagami also appeared more often, and proved to be a good friend. Marinette found a home with the two awkward rich kids ridiculously clueless and unaware of how the real world functioned. In the end, she even grew to accept Adrien might not be destined to be hers but chose to support him nonetheless. 

“My lady?” She was broken out of her musing by a familiar voice.

“Hello, Kitty-cat. I got your message… what’s wrong?” She turned to see Cat Noir slumped over the railing, with his ears tweaking nervously. She didn’t even know he could do it. 

“I… I’m sorry my Lady, but I can’t… I can’t continue to be your partner,” he declared.

“What?!” she squeaked. “What happened? What’s the matter?” 

“I’m… I’m getting married,” he announced, his ears drooping and tail tucked between his legs.  

Oh, that’s… not what she expected to hear. “Married? Congrat…” she drifted off, noticing his sour face. “Chat? What are you not telling me?”

“It’s… I… My…” He struggled to figure out how to say it, but ultimately remained silent for a moment. “There is nothing to be happy about. It’s a… business marriage,” he spat, his eyes narrowing.  

“But… those are illegal!” Ladybug protested.

“Not when you make it look like a love match. Especially if you insinuate at a scandal.” He sneered, jumping off the railing and pacing along the empty rooftop. “My father holds all the cards and I… I’m in no position to oppose him.”

“I’m sure we can…”

He sighed, walking over to her. “Please… M’lady. Don’t try to give me hope. I accepted what I must do.” With that, he reached for the ring, but she stopped him.

“Chat. We can try… You’re my friend. You can’t… We will figure it out. Together.” In all they’d endured, suffered, and triumphed - Marinette had never seen him this despondent… this broken. 

He sighed, his eyes flat and dull. “There is nothing to figure out,” he said, forcing the ring off his finger. 

The transformation fell, leaving Adrien Agreste materialized in place of her long-time partner. Plagg’s sharp cry cut off, as he’s sucked into the ring the second he popped out of it. She stood there, too stunned to notice the blond boy pushed the ring into her palm and closed it. 

Marinette wasn’t sure what thoughts decided to rampantly rage through her head, but the train of thoughts probably broke the collective speed limit everywhere in the world at the same time. 

“M’lady?” Adrien’s soft voice brought her to earth when she was one step from panic.

“A-Adrien?” She choked on the word.

“You heard about me?” He looked dumbfounded. Ladybug, too shocked to say a word, gestured over to the building line. Even from so high and far away, his most recent billboard advertisement stood visible. “Ah… right.”

“Who… who’s the lucky girl?” Inside her mind, she wondered if Kagami right now faced a  similar problem. It was the most logical…

“Lila Rossi,” Adrien admitted, his shoulders hunching. 

Marinette.exe stopped working. 

A moment passed.

Another.

“Um… M’Lady?” The boy tried to prod his ex-partner to respond by waving his hand in front of her face.

“That… that lying…” Ladybug saw red. This could not be happening.

Adrien nodded, the despondent look on his face growing worse every second.“My father deemed her a suitable heiress to the Gabriel brand… I tried to warn him she was a liar, but he… I think he actually admires her skill…” Tears built in his eyes, and Adrien covertly tried to wipe them away. 

“Maybe… maybe you could… I don’t know!” she screamed in frustration. Marinette had several ideas about what Adrien could do, but none of them would help. 

Running away would be a problem. Leaking the story to the press would lead to his home life growing even worse. After dealing with Gabriel Agreste’s parenting, she held no illusion Adrien could win a court battle. The rich too often got away with whatever they desired. She could try to sicc Uncle Jagged on the case… or maybe Clara Nightingale… Nadia Chamack would probably love the news-breaking story, but it would all put Adrien in danger. Who knows what would happen before they could obtain results or protection against Gabriel’s extensive reach. 

Adrien sighed as if knowing exactly where her thoughts took her. Chat was no dummy, he probably scoured over his options more times than he could count. His resignation, the last resort in a long line of failed plans.  “I appreciate you trying, but I already told you I accepted it. Just… take me down, please. I… I didn’t really plan the location well…” He let out a weak chuckle. 

“Fine… I’m sorry kitty...” She grabbed hold of him and swung to the ground. Despondently she watched her best friend, her partner, walk away into the night; resigned to a life of suffering and isolation. 

There must be something she could do, she thought. She closed a gloved fist around the ring. She was Ladybug, and if she put her mind to it, there was nothing she couldn't do.  

-----------

A week later the press learned about the upcoming wedding. Adrien and Lila both left school for home-school. The press and the general public ate up the news story about star-crossed lovers that met in school and became inseparable. It didn’t help that the class kept commenting about how good they were for each other. 

Marinette resisted an urge to gag whenever she caught the sound of the vicious lies and propaganda.  She was asked for comment only once but chose to refuse. It didn’t earn her any popularity in class. Luckily, she convinced Nadia to stop a nasty side-story about her jealousy from being published. 

No closer to a plan, she despondently continued to push through her life without her friend. She, unsurprisingly, hadn’t received a single text or call. Marinette didn’t blame Adrien; his position couldn’t be easy. A month after Adrien departed from her class, Marinette convinced her parents to also home-school her. Without a single friend, the school became a burden. Of course, her reasoning to her parents leaned into her focus on her fashion business. Which wasn’t untrue. It was starting to pick up. 

The only upside to this whole debacle was near-lack of akuma attacks. It seemed Hawkmoth found a hobby. Maybe he wrote poems? 

Nah. Not his style...

Two months after the announcement  Marinette woke to surprise guests: Adrien, his father, and Lila knocked on the bakery’s doors. The bride-to-be in an especially sour mood, as much as she tried to hide it. Gabriel appeared to be devoid of any emotions, as usual.

She seated them on the couch and asked if they would like a drink. She didn’t bother to offer food, not wanting to waste good cake on the likes of Lila and Gabriel. Although, Adrien’s thin cheeks and haunted eyes made her regret the decision. 

All of them declined the drink.

“Madame Marinette, I assume you have heard of the Wedding?” The capitalization clearly discernible in his voice. 

“Yes… Yes sir!” she corrected herself. Trying desperately to mask her disgust behind a layer of nervousness. She couldn’t risk a glance at Adrien, even if this was the first time she’d seen him since that night on the roof. Making it through the meeting would be hard enough without watching him suffer.  

“While initially, I planned to prepare the dress and suit myself, my son convinced me to give a chance to someone else to shine.” Clearly, whatever it was Adrien said, it didn’t include a polite request. “I have seen the dress you made for Rock Star Jagged Stone’s wedding, as well as the suit worn by Nadia Chamack.”

“They are designs I’m particularly proud of, sir.” 

Play the part. Play the part. Don’t send him to the hospital. Papa and Maman would be disappointed. Well, Maman would probably join me… 

Her homicidal train of thought ended as she forced a smile to appear on her face. Contrary to Lila’s stretched thin lips;  Marinette’s smile shines bright and could’ve been mistaken for genuine.

“Indeed… I’ve come to commission you to design and make the gown and the suit for the sweet couple.” He announced like it was the highest honor, but there was an amount of bile in his words Marinette used to think was reserved only for Nino.

“I… I’m… I’m honored, sir!” She beamed. The excitement only half-forced. Her moral compass told her even entertaining the proposal was wrong, but at the same time, her brain furiously flitted crafting possibilities. 

Gabriel nodded imperiously as if her acceptance merely added to a foregone conclusion. “Good. My assistant, Nathalie, will sort out the details. Lex Luthor agreed to pay for the pieces as his wedding gift, so do not be afraid to ask for full price.” He informed her t as if he believed she would give him a discount. 

For a moment, a singular reckless moment, Marinette entertained the temptation to voice her thoughts about Gabriel being cheap. 

She sighed, no, there would be another day for career suicide. The group rose to leave, and Marinette finally glanced at Adrien; his model-trained smile paper-thin. He caught her eyes, and if he radiated sadness two months ago, it didn’t hold a candle to the devastation swimming in his eyes. The exchange broke when Lila gripped a hand tight around his arm and dragged him to the door. 

Gabriel handed her a card, and the group departed. Marinette collapsed onto the couch, the makings of a headache building in her skull. 

This would be awful.  

------------

A week later Marinette held a separate meeting, consisting of Nathalie, Lila, Lila’s mother, and Adrien’s aunt. And her, obviously. 

She first asked what kind of dress Lila wanted.

Lila’s eyes lit up in an unholy glee; and she started talking. 

And talking. 

And talking. 

And talking. 

After the long and painstakingly thorough description, Marinette felt faint. Several reasons contributed to that, although the most prominent were the materials, the design, and the way she spoke. Obviously Lila had feelings, the kind likely to trigger an oncoming Auma attack if Hawkmoth hadn’t pranced off to who knows where, about Marinette designing her dress. 

Marinette was happy Adrien’s aunt pointed out the request’s complete madness, but Lila’s mother waved it off, quick to declare only minor adjustments to the request would be needed. 

In the end, Marinette presented several dozen designs, both hers and foreign to have a basis on which she could work. Lila, of course, chose the one that would be hardest to make.

“I’m sorry none of your designs were good, Marinette…” The liar cooed with faked sorrow. She hid a smirk the designer could clearly see. 

The notion was born because it was a picture and not a sketch. 

Marinette smirked, and rose from the couch, ignoring Lila’s irritated scowl at her non-reaction.  

She liked it even less when the girl brought in the ready-made dress. 

“I made it as the first design for Penny Rolling’s wedding, based on Uncle Jagged’s suggestions. I should’ve known Penny didn’t approve of his idea, but…” she waved it off.

Lila, now actively glaring at her, sat back on the couch. All of which was mistaken for amazement by the adults.

Marinette ignored the girl’s dramatics, it was the only way she’d survive this meeting intact. “Of course, there still needs to be several adjustments and personalizations. I will also need to order the amber you requested. And the platinum thread. And the white gold. And probably an industrial-grade 3-D printer… Is that covered by the expenses?” She looked at Nathalie, who nodded. “Great! I will need just a moment.” 

The women watched as Marinette practically leaped at her notebook and added in adjustments to the sketch. Fifteen minutes later, when she presented a new design, impressing them all (sans Lila, obviously) with the flowing lines and intricate details. They praised her talent (even Natalie), and Marinette played the bashful young designer role to a tee. The liar kept glaring though. She couldn’t back away easily, since she already made a scene about wanting that specific dress. Marinette informed them beforehand she would need to know about her specific wishes before she made any adjustments. 

The final design looked pretty much exactly what Lila wanted though, but she didn’t want to give her nemesis the satisfaction. Her entourage did enough of this. 

Under the cover of being too emotional, they ended the meeting. Nathalie remained to finish the deal and sign the contract. 

After all of them left, Marinette collapsed onto her chair. An hour later a notification from her bank came. She received the first half of the payment. When finished, the dress would officially be the most expensive wedding dress to date. Blessed be Lex Luthor and his deep pocket. She chuckled, remembering how much the billionaire got kidnapped because of his money.

Then, an idea shined in her head.

Oh. 

Oh...

She took off her earrings and dismissed Tikki, promising she needed a quick chat with Plagg about a new potential holder. When Marinette put on the ring, the Kwami of destruction popped back into existence. 

“So… figured out how to help my chosen?” he asked. 

What Tikki didn’t know was when Marinette said she intended to discuss potential holders for Plagg, they really worked on a way to save Adrien. It was their secret since Tikki would most likely disapprove. They didn’t want to risk her disappointment in them. Not until they crafted a fleshed out full-proof plan. 

She nodded. “I have an idea. Let’s hire someone to kidnap him!” 

Plagg rolled his eyes. “Did they hit you on the head, pigtails?”

“No. But look, the problem is whatever we come up with, Adrien ends up blamed or we land ourselves in jail, right?” The Kwami nodded. “So… if we make sure it’s a very public kidnapping and he disappears, we can stash him away until the heat dies down. After we dye his hair and apply fast-tan, he will look different enough no one will connect the two. I’m pretty sure I could get my hands on fake documents if I tried hard enough…” she trailed off thinking of all the minutiae to coordinate to pull this off. 

It would be hard. 

But it would be worth it. 

Plagg slowly nods. “Okay… Somehow, that both makes no sense and seems perfectly legitimate. It’s also your most chaotic plan to date, Pigtails. Let’s do it!” The Kwami cheered, happy to be soon reunited with his chosen kitten. “But what about the costs!”

Marinette already had an answer in mind for that question. “Even after I subtract the costs of materials and other supplies, the payment for the dress, together with my savings, will be more than enough. Now… let’s go wake Tikki up.”

That… ended with the Kwami of Creation vomiting a pile of handcuffs and other police gear at Marinette. 

“Um… Why?”

The little red Kwammi placed her paws on her hips. “Because you should familiarize yourself with those if you plan on going to prison for that plan. It’s no longer just a phone theft, Marinette! You’re talking about breaking more laws than I can count!” She dropped to the pillow below, bemoaning about where she went wrong. 

Marinette scooped up her wayward friend and tried to reassure her. “I just need to be careful. I’m pretty sure I can do it without detection. Maman taught me how to not be seen on the internet. Or in general. Come on. I need to order a secure laptop.”

“I will help!” Plagg offered. “I can cataclysm the internet after you do your thing.”

“What?! No! Think of the cute cat pictures!” Marinette protested. “And video games.” 

“Relax! It’ll just remove any trace of you doing anything online in the several hours or so…” He calmed her.

Tikki trailed after them, a bundle of nerves and worry. “Plagg! It’s irresponsible! You can’t possibly…”

“Pigtails and I have it all under control. What’s the worst that could happen?”

---------

Turns out, a lot. 

Before Marinette put out the hit (kidnapping, she made sure that it was plain as day), she needed to set a price. That one was harder. It wasn’t like you could Google how much you needed to charge to kidnap a celebrity. At least, not without attracting a lot of unwanted attention. 

She asked her mother, under the guise of pure curiosity. It was a normal question any teenage girl asked her mother. How much does it cost to have someone killed, how much cheaper/more expensive a kidnapping is, how to acquire fake documents, that kind of stuff. Not suspicious at all. 

So absorbed in her rant, she missed a merry glint in Sabine’s eyes. She also didn’t question how her Maman knew those prices. 

Finally, she needed to fill the form. 

Assignment: Acquisition and Delivery

Asset(s): Adrien Athanase Agreste

Value: 

Here, Marinette paused. 

Her mom gave her a lengthy lecture about pricing and all. According to her, a professional would take up to fifty thousand dollars for kidnapping and bringing the target to her. Marinette decided, since Adrien was a celebrity, she should double the price. More risks involved, more reward, right? 

But, she also wanted to ensure she hired the best of the best. Compare her work to Gabriel Agreste’s, she came to the conclusion ten times the price was reasonable to ensure only the best in the field would take the job. 

Then, there was the matter of safety and so on and so on. By the end, she settled on two million dollars, as her asking price for one Adrien Agreste. Plagg sagely nodded, agreeing with her assessment. Tikki didn’t comment, as she wasn’t speaking to the two, but also seemed more accepting after spying on Adrien and Lila’s home life. Not that she revealed that tidbit to either of them, lest they drop the plan and directly go at Gabe and the Liar. 

After a few more details and boxes in the form Marinette filled until she came to the end. Only one more detail remained: 

Sponsor:

Marinette stared at the word for a moment. After a quick race of thoughts, she typed slowly. 

Sponsor: The Seamstress

Perfect. Nothing about this could go wrong.

Of course, how could she predict just how big of a mess she would make? 

----------

[calif0rnia-lovers]

sweet as pie.

a/n: please join me in welcoming sam wilson to the page. first story dedicated to this classic man, surely not the last.

pairing: sam wilson x black!reader

rating: 💙

main masterlist | taglist | divider © @whimsicalrogers

sum: sam is home. although times have changed, his sister’s intentions for him have not. sarah would love for her brother to settle down, and she knows the perfect person to make him do it. but when sam gets caught up with work, he misses the date sarah has set up for him.

words: 2.3K

It’s funny how the human mind works.

How easily certain moments can slip through its cracks. Names, dates, songs, conversations, faces lost to the wind, never to be remembered again. In the same turn, how those same things can be retained, recited down to the last detail in perfection.

Sam Wilson has seen enough in his lifetime--more than most men. No one could condemn him for forgetting the smallest of details from time to time. Sometimes he does. He is human. But, strangely, he can never forget a single detail when it comes to you.

Sam can still remember the first time he saw you.

The coffee-colored, cardboard box you carried in your arms--'living room' written across the front panel in your mother’s flawless penmanship. The dark curls pineappled to rest atop the crown of your head--a last-ditch attempt of fighting the Louisiana heat. The oversized Purple Rain t-shirt faded from too many runs through the wash. The round, black sunglasses sliding down the brim of your nose as you paused to take note of the boy watching you from his front window. Down to the scuffed, worn high tops that could barely pass for white.

He even remembers the soft smile you gave him once he froze--too embarrassed to move from the window after being caught watching you for the third time--before turning to lug the box up the steps of your front porch.

It was the summer of ‘94, and Sam Wilson was running late. He was expected to be at the docks assisting his father. Instead, he was peeping around his mother’s powder blue curtains, attempting to score glimpses of his new neighbors. Primarily their teenage daughter.

It’s not every day that Delacroix welcomes a new resident--let alone an entire family. Later that night, over dinner, his mother shared that you were entering your senior year--same as him.

He still remembers the knotting of his stomach. The strange and unusual experience of being tongue-tied when he’d tripped over his name--his name for god’s sake--that morning, you opened your front door to find him and Sarah on the other side. The kindness of your dark brown eyes as they met his, the soft giggle you released as you ignored his sputtering to accept the chocolate chip cookies his mother sent her children to deliver.

He also remembers the vision of you in your wedding dress. The smile he had to keep plastered on his face the night he learned his skepticism, surrounding death by broken heart, faded. You’ve never felt pain until you’ve seen the woman you love marry another man.

Sam must admit. When he returned, he expected--hoped--that those feelings would have disappeared. That they would have been erased from his life. Only, the moment he returned home, Sam discovered those feelings remained--were stronger even.

Five years later, he found you in the same house. Your parents no lived there. After their return from the blip, they packed up their things. Suddenly, tackling their bucket list was their main priority. You still had your husband’s last name but no husband. He was gone, lost to a younger woman.

Five years later, and Sam Wilson finds himself still frozen by the sight of you.

The long-sleeved maroon shirt he’s tugged on is not his number one choice. It’s all he had in his bag. The time on his watch had forced him into an ultimatum. Either run home, shower, and change into the outfit Sarah helped him pick out and risk being five hours late. Or head straight to your house, and risk being four hours and forty-five minutes late.

Sam opted for the latter.

Flowers in hand, he stands in the gateway of your backyard. His eyes admire the glow of the string lights against your skin. The yard has been transformed. Several tables and chairs, enough to host the entire neighborhood, squeezed into its space. Filled with music and laughter a few hours before the backyard is now quiet. Only the sounds of crickets, and the rustle of the trash bag in your hand, can be heard over the racing of Sam’s heart.

“Hey.” Sam takes a step forward, clearing his throat. “Sorry, I’m late.”

“Late is an understatement.” You don’t bother looking up from the plates stacked in your hands. Dumping them into the black trash bag, you move towards the next table. “You missed the entire party.”

After dumping the trash, you realize that Sam is no longer in the backyard. You find him in the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” You ask, coming to a stop in the doorway.

Sam glances up from the soap-covered glass in his hands. “Helping you clean up.”

You glance around the kitchen, only to find that he’s managed to wash nearly the entire stack of dishes you’ve been dreading the entire night.

“I didn’t realize you still did stuff like this,” you tease. “What with you running off to save the world. Figured you’d just hire someone to do it for you.”

“Guess it’s a good thing I got you to keep me humble,” he winks.

Sam dries his hands with the bumblebee printed hand towel, a satisfied grin on his lips as he takes in the spotless kitchen. He’s too busy admiring his handiwork to realize you’re standing alongside him.

He turns, the snarky comment he’s prepared lost in his throat as he takes you in.

You can’t deny him a smile as you watch his eyes widen, a boyish grin brightening his face as he takes in the plate you’re holding. On it rests a single slice of homemade apple pie, topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and perfectly drizzled caramel.

“I think you’ve earned this.”

“You saved me a piece?”

“No,” you sigh, allowing your eyes to roll. “I actually saved it for me. But if I have to look at your pathetic attempt at puppy dog eyes one more second--”

“You were hoping I’d show up.” The grin on Sam’s face has morphed into a trademark smirk, the sight pulling a giggle from your lips. “You and I both know you don’t save, or share your pie with just anyone.”

Sam’s observation is spot on.

You don’t share your pie--or food, for that matter--with just anyone. In the chaos of hosting the neighborhood, you didn’t have a moment to stop and enjoy your own party. Let alone a slice of the apple pies you’d spent the previous night preparing.

Apple pies--specifically yours--were Sam Wilson’s true weakness.

The moment he sees you lugging home a bag full of granny smith and macintosh apples, he’s on full helicopter mode. You’re not sure how he knows, but he’s got a radar. One that somehow allows him to prophesize the exact moment the pies are out of the oven and set aside to cool.

He’ll show up, stopping by to say hi, or to see if you still need the drainpipe your ex-husband never got around to working on fixed, or to “pass along a message” from Sarah--as though your best friend couldn’t pick up the phone and call. Whatever the excuse Sam Wilson always manages to be the one to get the first slice of your apple pie. He’s smart enough to know that once the children of the neighborhood catch a whiff, they’ll show up on your doorstep. And as much as he loves the kids--Sam isn’t letting them steal his pie.

Sam’s words come out muffled through a mouthful of apples and crust. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Y/N. You should sell these. You'd make a killing.”

“And I’ve already told you, it’s just for fun,” you dismiss his advice, taking another spoonful of ice cream. “Besides, what do you expect me to do? Quit my good paying--although painstakingly boring--job in the hopes that enough people will like my baking to keep me afloat?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Sam nods, a smile growing as he watches your eyes roll.

It’s a conversation the two of you have had for years. Here is the rundown of how it plays out--every single time.

Sam: suggests that you finally open up the bakery you’ve been talking about since your teenage years.

You: dismiss his words of advice, reminding Sam that most teenage dreams are foolish.

Sam: ends the conversation with, “I’d show up every day for a piece.”

You: spend the rest of the night wondering if he’s right, about taking the chance, only to psych yourself out before going to bed.

“I’m just saying,” Sam sighs, sliding the plate to the side. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned. Life is going to pass you by, regardless, no matter what you do. If you give it a shot, and it fails--which is never going to happen--your life isn’t going to end.”

You glance up from the table, a tiny smile on your lips as you take in his soft smile.

“Maybe you’re right,” you shrug. “If all else fails, I’ll just tell everyone it’s the Falcon’s favorite pie--”

“You’ll have people flooding in from across the country.”

“It’s settled,” you giggle. “I’m using you in my business model.”

“Hey,” Sam chuckles. “As long as I get a cut, I’m not complaining.”

A silence falls over the tiny kitchen as your gaze drops from his.

Sam lightly raps his knuckles against the table before pushing his chair back.

“Uh—I should probably head out. You’re probably tired. I just wanted to come by and apologize...again.”

“Wow,” the light laugh you release halts Sam’s act of standing up. “The second you get what you came for you hit the ground running?”

The response is automatic. The chance to tease him is one you never pass up.

Sam’s brow raises as he takes in your smile.

“That’s not what I came for,” he admits.

“What did you come for then?”

“To ask you over to my place for breakfast tomorrow.”

The proposition hangs in the air, Sam nearly squirming in his seat as you take your time studying his gaze. You let out a sigh, your shoulders shrugging lightly, once you finally speak.

“I don’t know, Sam” You shake your head. Picking up the plate, you stand and cross the kitchen to the sink. “You just have so many responsibilities, nowadays, running around trying to save the world--”

“I’m not going anywhere tonight,” he’s quick with the reassurance. “Or any day, until we get through that date you promised me.”

You turn to face him, arms crossing over your chest as he comes to a stop before you.

“Say I show up. You have to promise me something.”

“Whatever you want.”

He knows that promise can end up being a slippery slope, depending on how hard you’re willing to make him work for it.

“If something comes up, in the future, you call me. And you tell me exactly why you can’t be here. Nobody gets to stand me up. Not the Falcon. And sure as hell, not Sam Wilson. Understood?”

Sam’s eyes drop to your interlaced fingers, a soft chuckle escaping his lips as he gives your hand a gentle squeeze.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good.” Standing on your toes, you place a kiss against his cheek. “Now, go get some sleep. You’re making me breakfast in the morning. I’m expecting waffles, bacon, freshly squeezed O.J.--the works.”

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