#(why does ruining his day make you happier than anything else? you need him to be thinking about you? what are you gay or something?)

[qquokkari]

can’t decide if i actually think this is funny or not. well anyway

original post

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

I hope I don't murder me (I hope I don't burden you)

AU in which Lan Wangji stays in the Burial Mounds with Wei Wuxian and the Wen remnants

idea here

Living in the Burial Mounds isn't easy - not that Lan Wangji expected it to be. He's known what he was getting into, and his expectations have been correct - but this isn't about the shoddy houses, the cold, damp cave he shares with Wei Ying or the scarce food.

Lan Wangji is fine with those. He doesn't care about comfort and luxury, and as long as he can be by Wei Ying's side, he doesn't need anything else.

What is difficult is watching Wei Ying grind himself near into nothingness every single day. His cultivation is eating away at him, no matter how much he argues otherwise. Perhaps it's not in the way Lan Wangji thought it to be - Wei Ying is very much still lucid - the corruption comes more from his lack of oversight for his own existence.

He works himself into exhaustion inventing spells and talismans every single day, and he fights off the Burial Mounds' whims every time they shake with resentment and threaten the little settlement's fragile safety. He doesn't eat much, if at all, always arguing he isn't hungry, and he sleeps only when he can't keep himself upright anymore. Lan Wangji gets why he doesn't like to sleep - he has nightmares every time he does, and Lan Wangji struggles to bring him out of them every time, for hours on end, breaking away at whatever horrors the Burial Mounds have conjured for him.

To put it bluntly, Wei Ying is wasting away. And Lan Wangji can do nothing but watch - Wei Ying still won't tell him why he's given up the orthodox path of cultivation, he waves away any concern and though he seems to be appreciating any attempts Lan Wangji makes to bring him food or take him to bed (not like that, they're still on a very limited touch basis), he doesn't seem to be getting that much better.

And Lan Wangji doesn't want him to die. Not now, not like this, not ever. After all, the only reason he left the Lan was so he could take care of Wei Ying, protect him, and perhaps even love him, if he'd be allowed. There must be something he can do to make Wei Ying even just a little bit happier than he is now, even if just for a day, even if only to see him smile - smile again, like he used to before the world turned against him and he found his home with the dead, bright and beautiful and sincere.

--

Wei Ying returns from the markets with Wen Ning in tow, flinging about two empty baskets of radishes. They've had a miraculously profitable day today - turns out, some parasite has ruined the radish harvests in the nearby region, making Wei Ying's radishes the only viable ones around.

"People are going to think you cursed the fields to sell your yield." Wen Qing laughed as she counted the large coin pouch Wei Ying's so proudly given her.

"You know what, I could do that. Technically. It sounds like a very Jin thing to do, but the profits would be massive."

Wen Qing shoves at him playfully. "At least there's Hanguang-Jun to reel you in, you get the most chaotic ideas."

"You're one to talk." Then Wei Ying looks around, pouting slightly. "Where's Lan Zhan?"

"I don't know, around probably?" She shrugs. "To be fair, I haven't seen him at all today now that I think about it. He left just after you two did, and he was carrying something."

"Did he tell you where he'd be going?"

"No."

Wei Ying's expression falls. "Oh... Maybe he's finally had enough of this place and he left..."

"Where to? He's not allowed in the Cloud Recesses anymore."

"He's still talking to Zewu-Jun, so..." A sad smile, "I mean, if you didn't have to, would you willingly stay here of all places?"

Wen Qing sends him a sympathetic look, and reaches to poke his forehead lovingly. "He's not the type to just up and leave like that. He'll be back before you know it. And if he really did leave, I'll hunt him down and gut him alive for you."

Wei Ying tries to laugh at that but he can't, not really. "I wouldn't blame him if he did leave... I just..." He swallows, hard, "I don't know... I'm going to... work or something."

He leaves before Wen Qing can say anything, and gratefully walks out into the harsh winds announcing an upcoming storm, his tears lost in the wisps of cold air and resentment.

--

His cave is lonely as he has forgotten it should be. He hates that he has forgotten it - why did he allow himself to get used to somebody always waiting for him at the end of the day, ready to listen if he had anything to say, or just sharing in the silence? Of course it wouldn't last long.

Normal people don't live in mass graves. Normal people don't - they don't love the people living in the mass graves.

Not that Lan Zhan would ever love him, but...

Wei Ying lights up the candle at his work desk and decides he's not going to be thinking of anything but his talismans and his arrays. They don't give him false hope, they don't make him feel like he matters and then leave out of nowhere. They don't pretend like they care when they actually don't.

A tear messes the characters on his prototype for a cleansing talisman and Wei Ying angrily throws it away over his shoulder, his vision blurry. He's angry and disillusioned and hurt - and he doesn't know why! Of course Lan Zhan would go, why would he stay? What's there for him to stay in this wretched place for? What would even keep him tethered here, to this hellhole?!

Wei Ying flings a hand over his desk and everything falls haphazardly around, tears sliding freely down his face.

Why would Lan Zhan - why would anyone even fucking stay - stay there?! Stay there for... for someone like...

Wei Ying folds his hands into a makeshift pillow on the rock he uses as a table and buries his face in it, crying silently. How could he have been so stupid? Lan Zhan is a good person, but... there really is nothing keeping here, there never has been. And... and it's better if he's gone.

He doesn't deserve to live the rest of his life in the Burial Mounds, around someone that he probably doesn't even really like all that much. He probably just wanted to help cause he's righteous and felt bad for the Wen remnants and A-Yuan... but there's a limit to everybody's kindness, probably. Maybe he got sick of the poverty and the struggles, and having to wake up to Wei Ying's screaming every night, maybe he got tired of being around someone that's... more dead than alive.

Maybe... maybe it's better this way. Wei Ying's probably been an unnecessary burden to Lan Zhan anyway. Even if he tried to keep quiet as he worked at night, even if he tried not to take much of anything for himself so as not to seem greedy, even if... even if...

Wei Ying bought something for Lan Zhan from the markets today. He made so much money selling vegetables that he figured he could surprise the other with a little trinket, switching their roles for once. He would be the one to give Lan Zhan a gift this time - he's helped everyone so much, and of course a little item doesn't balance any of it out, but Wei Ying thought it would be... cute. He thought Lan Zhan might like it... It's an ornament for his robes, two white jade bunnies hanging off a beautifully embroidered blue ribbon.

But now that Wei Ying looks at it, he realizes Lan Zhan would probably hate it. He'd never say it outright, but why would he even like it? It's just a stupid thing that cost too much money.

What has Wei Ying been thinking buying it? Wasting money? Thinking it would mean anything? Trusting? Believing? Hoping? Loving?

What has he been thinking?

---

Lan Wangji returns so late in the night he's quite sure he's about to fall asleep at the boundary of the Burial Mounds. He's carrying a lot of things, including food and alcohol that he must be careful not to spill, fragile items and, of course, his own very sleepy self.

He really hasn't expected all that shopping to take so long, but then again he hasn't done much of it himself until now, so perhaps this is how it should be. Lan Wangji is tired, but grateful - Lan Xichen sent him a lot of money, as he requested, and he could get everything he could think Wei Ying would like.

Lan Xichen doesn't agree with his brother's decision to live in the Burial Mounds - nobody in their clan or sect does. But unlike all the people that have renegaded him and forbade him from ever returning home, Lan Xichen still loves him and helps him with everything that he can, risking his relationship with the elders' council and even his sect leader position to send him money and gifts secretly.

Lan Wangji needs to thank him properly for all that he does, though he doesn't know how. It's through his kindness that Lan Wangji has been able to prepare all these things for Wei Ying. And though nobody will notice the money missing, it's still a risk to take.

The Burial Mounds are jarring to walk into, even more so at night. It's just rained as well, and the smell is even more pungent now, rot and petrichor intermixed with the faintest trace of blood, both fresh and old.

The ground beneath Lan Wangji's feet has softened into a formless mass of mud, and he has to use Bichen's glare to see what he's stepping on, the beings living in it ready to grab at him. They reach their... hands towards him, grunting and growling with resentment, and though he isn’t exactly scared (he’s a cultivator, after all, he can’t be scared), he wishes he could just mount his sword and fly his way home. But the fog of resentment overhead is so thick he doubts he would be able to maneuver, and if he gets lost in it, there will be no way out for him.

He can’t use much of his cultivation knowledge either – that only serves to attract the dwellers of the Burial Mounds, all ready to devour some new flesh, feast on living souls and bring another into their ranks.

So all that Lan Wangji has left to do is focus on where he is going, ignore the bellowing screams in his ears, the terrifying apparitions, the phantom pains – and imagine he will soon be safe, home, with Wei Ying, and he will give Wei Ying a nice, relaxing evening to enjoy after a long day’s work.

He pointedly refuses the laughing voices of resentment that tell him he is not wanted here, that he will only bring trouble, that Wei Ying doesn’t love him, that he should just give up, come join us, come to us, be with us, be one of us...

--

Lan Wangji feels like he’s been born again the moment he steps into the protective array that Wei Ying’s set up to guard the Wen settlement. He can finally breathe fresher air, his mind clears immediately and he’s overcome with a sense of relief that settles pleasantly into his stomach, his limbs only a little bit unsteady with the feeling.

Exhaustion catches up to him as well, and he knows he won’t be able to be awake for much longer – bit he knows Wei Ying is, and Lan Wangji wants to brighten up his mood right now more than he wants to rest.

There will be plenty of time for that later.

With a much lighter heart, yearning almost, Lan Wangji walks into Wei Ying’s cave, barely suppressing an excited smile. Wei Ying is going to be so happy!

--

He finds the cave in disarray, and Wei Ying hunched over his table, asleep, surrounded by a mess of notes, ink and broken brushes. The side of his face shines with fresh tears, his cheeks wet, features drawn into a pained expression.

Lan Wangji’s brows furrow, and he places all the items he’s brought near the sleeping mats, walking up to Wei Ying slowly so as not to startle him.

“Wei Ying?”

Resentment materializes out of nothing, blocking his path.

Leave!

Lan Wangji is tired of this already. He’s heard every variation of that on his way home and he’s running out of patience for it.

Leave him alone! You’ve hurt him!

Now that’s new. He has done no such thing - he’s been so careful to respect Wei Ying’s boundaries, took care of him, did his utmost to help him... the Burial Mounds may be horrible, but they love Wei Ying and they’re merciful to those that are kind to him. And Lan Wangji has been just that, kind and devoted to the point of leaving his whole life behind for Wei Ying, no holds barred and no regrets.

This has never happened before, either. The Burial Mounds have received him... well, if one could say that. He never got attacked before, now that he thinks about it, and though he put tonight’s unrest on the resentment just being more active in the dark, he's realizing that there be more to it than that.

He wants to see what's wrong with Wei Ying, though, resentment and the Burial Mounds be damned. And if he has to physically fight this thing, he will - it's not like that would be new.

Lan Wangji draws out Bichen and decides he's just going to go right through this thing if it refuses to get out of his way. And perhaps this is not a very wise choice, but he is tired, worried and still jarred by all the horrors he's encountered in the way here - but he's charging at it before he gives himself the time to really calculate. It's almost like an instinct, wanting to get to Wei Ying and comfort him, and he won't let anyone or anything stand in the way of that.

Bichen's blade pierces through the mass of resentful energy, and it only disperses enough so it dodges the hit. Before Lan Wangji can realize, pain overcomes him from everywhere inside him, as though all his organs have ruptured all at once. He doesn't want to scream, but it's ripped out of him before he knows it, and, for a moment his vision blacks out. He distantly notes that he's never faced resentment this strong, and wonders whether this is the kind of thing Wei Ying had to live through in the three months that he was away. He hopes not. He hopes that this is just the Burial Mounds deciding to hate him in particular, and that it was different for Wei Ying back then.

He coughs out a mouthful of blood and realizes he's dropped his sword at some point. He tries to summon it, but he can't find enough spiritual energy in himself to do it. Is this how he's going to die? Will Wei Ying have to wake up and find him dead? Maybe there will be nothing left of him for Wei Ying to find, that would be easier to deal with, right?

The world is starting to become fuzzy at the edges, or maybe it's just Lan Wangji's tears blurring his vision. He wants, selfishly, his last image to be Wei Ying, and he makes the herculean effort to move his eyes towards where he's still asleep.

Perhaps Lan Wangji is indeed dying - because he thinks he sees Wei Ying jump awake and scream.

--

There is a song.

Lan Wangji recognizes it, it flows around him like a soft, gentle warmth, beckoning him towards... somewhere. He doesn't know where, he doesn't even know where he is right now - doesn't even feel like he is anywhere or anything at all. But even as he is, formless and incorporeal, he's compelled to follow the song, beautifully played on a flute.

It's his song, he made it. He made it for the person he loves, even if he didn't know it at the time and even if it is that person that doesn't know it now.

Slowly, like waddling through deep, heavy waters, Lan Wangji returns to his body. He feels warmth around him, and realizes he's leaning against someone's chest, their heartbeat rhythmic in his ears. The knowledge makes him smile, the movement difficult but inevitable.

"Lan Zhan, are you awake yet?"

"Mn..."

He feels Wei Ying kiss the top of his head, running a hand down his back comfortingly.

"You feelin' better?"

"Mhm."

There is a pause. Lan Wangji can hear the heartbeat underneath his ear quicken, and Wei Ying takes in a deep, shaky breath.

"I'm sorry." he says, at last, his voice soft. "This is all my fault... I thought you left and... you know resentment responds to my emotions so it thought... it was-"

"Trying to protect you." Lan Wangji interrupts, "I get that."

"Lan Zhan... you almost..." another deep breath. "This shouldn't have happened..."

"Wei Ying-"

"No, listen, I-I found... the things you got for me... You're always so good and so kind to me and to everyone else, and you've sacrificed so much for us, we all really don't deserve you. I don't deserve you."

Lan Zhan finally manages to open his eyes, blinking to adjust to the faint lighting in the cave. "Why are you talking like you're wanting me to leave?"

"Because I do."

Lan Zhan lifts his head, confused, to look at Wei Ying, and sees his eyes glisten with unshed tears.

"It's dangerous for you to be around me, Lan Zhan. You shouldn't be risking your life living here, and if you ask Zewu-Jun, maybe he'll convince the elders to-"

"I don't want to leave you, Wei Ying."

"And I don't want you to die because of me."

Lan Wangji reaches a hand to hold the side of Wei Ying's face, wiping the tear that's just fallen down his cheek. "Don't make me leave, Wei Ying."

"Lan Zhan..." Wei Ying covers Lan Wangji's hand with his own. "I had to - I had to put your soul back into your body... You died. I held you as you died. What if I fail next time and I lose you forever?" Wei Ying holds him tighter now, a slight shake to his body as he cries. "I'd rather let you go alive, than live with the knowledge that I-"

It takes all of Lan Wangji's strength to lift himself up enough to leave a soft kiss over Wei Ying's trembling lips. "I love you."

It feels so freeing to say it that Lan Wangji wonders why he held onto this confession for so long, why it took him so long to say it.

"I love you." he repeats, and the words taste sweeter than any dessert he's ever had. "And I don't want to be away from you. I want to share my life with you."

Wei Ying leans down to kiss him back, and Lan Wangji realizes he's never been happier than right now, nothing he has ever achieved has ever felt like the fireworks Wei Ying's lit under his skin.

"What if there will be no life to share, Lan Zhan?" He asks, smiling, tearfully, as he traces the seam of Lan Zhan's lips.

"Then I'll come back to you in the next one."

[truly-morgan]

[WWX stuck in the past]

Shuagnjie | Mo Dao Zu Shi 23-02-2022

[Wei Wuxian focused, (kinda shuangjie related) post-canon. Angsty I guess]

Post canon Wei Wuxian after he says "Let's the past be in the past".

Jiang Cheng does so slowly.

But Wwx... can't

It doesn't hit him immediately, after all, he couldn't be happier than he is with lwj now right?

Yet, as time slowly goes by wwx feels something missing.

But he doesn't understand why?! He has a great husband who loves him, has found a new home and even (kind of) has a son too. What could he be missing?  It's only when he is visiting lotus pier (or rather, finally allowed to come along with lqr as he slightly took over his nephew's Role as he is in seclusion) that he realises what he is missing.

Yunmeng. Lotus Pier.

Jiang Cheng.

Jc has been by his side nearly all his (short) life, and now it's creating a void. Lotus Pier was his home and deep in him, he is still yearning for it.

But then he also sees.

He sees jc surrounded by people who clearly value him fully, who trust in him, are ready to do anything for him.

Jc is moving on like 𝘩𝘦 suggested doing that night.

in the past nearly two decades jc has become stronger, more mature and more confident in himself.

happier.

And these are all things wwx is happy to see jc being, he knew jc could get there one day.

yet...

this is not the jiang cheng he knows.

this is not the jiang cheng he helped.

This is not a jiang cheng he has a place to stand next to.

he wasn't the one here to help jc rebuild to an even greater state the yunmeng jiang sect. He wasn't the one there when everyone in the cultivation world was looking at him ready for him to fail.

He wasn't there like he had promised he would be.

And all of this suddenly make wwx... feel frozen in time. feeling like he doesn't really have a home anymore.

to jc, nearly two decades have passed already.

yet to wwx, it was like only a couple of months ago he was still the fearsome yiling laozu.

like yesterday when he was controlling an army of fierce corpses.

that he was despised and wished death upon by everyone.

it was like yesterday he was still the boy who had to become an adult too quickly because of the war.

he still had all these memories that to him felt like fresh memories, yet were already the past for everyone else.

wwx wanted to let the past in the past, but he did not realise that he felt barely correctly he the present himself.

he misses yunmeng.

he misses lotus pier.

𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘫𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘯𝘨.

but what can he do? Can he really request now to have a place by his side? can he request for lotus pier to be his home again?

it's already too late.

and he has nothing to bring to jc other than problems.

he knows that once all the noise about jgy will die down, everyone will be back to being wary of him. he may not have the body he had before, but he still knew how to do it. he could even do it all over again.

even at Cloud Recess, he knows most of them are being polite only because he is lwj's husband. As hard as he tries, he cannot feel like cloud recess is his home, as much as lwj tries to. he knows he cannot fit into this cold and stern place. he knows he will always cause problems and mischief. otherwise would only make him feel not like himself.

but there's nothing he can do.

jc is happy now and he is afraid to ruin it all.

not like he still really had a place next to him anyway.

he was the one to say they should leave the past in the past.

yet he was the one unable to do it. felt like he couldn't do it either.

and it was too late now.

====

(brought to you by Morgan feeling stressed out and exhausted in many ways. what better way to try and help it than by writing some one-sided angst about Shuangjie right? also, I feel like I need to mention it smh: this isn't some kind of anti-wwx (or wgxn), so I don't want anyone coming with that kind of vibe I literally have 0 patience right now)

Original

[kuroosweakness]

things the haikyuu boys did when they had a crush on you 

miya atsumu 

started wearing whatever you really liked wearing/complimented him on. if you mentioned the print on his shirt, you best bet he’ll be wearing that shirt for a whole week straight. a shirt he once thought nothing of is now his favorite shirt. 

“‘tsumu, why don’t you try changing. you know, y/n could probably smell you a mile away,” osamu said to atsumu one morning as they were walking to school. 

“nuh uh,” atsumu quipped back. “i washed it with the detergent y/n likes.” 

“oh so you finally learned how the washing machine works?” 

“‘samu you’re ruining it for me.” 

asked overly-personal questions. not to be creepy or weird, but because he cherished the information he knew about you that no one else did; it made him feel special 

“y/n, do you have any big regrets?” 

“is there um, anyone you feel really happy around?” 

“what’s your guilty pleasure? c’mon everyone has them.” 

“have you ever been bullied?” 

got visibly irritated whenever another guy interrupted your conversation with him. or if you were just smiling too hard when talking to a guy he doesn’t know about

“if you keep frowning like that, you’ll look like a grandpa by next year,” osamu said right before biting into his onigiri. 

“shut up, ‘samu,” he groaned, trying his best to distract himself from the fact that you looked happier talking to another guy than him. did you smile that hard when he made a joke? he sure hopes so :’ 

kuroo tetsurou 

pointed out the smallest differences in you. he noticed the slightest changes in your body language, style, mood, etc etc. on your bad days, he desperately wanted to ask if anything was wrong, but didn’t want to risk overstepping boundaries. so he just asked “how’s your day?” and even if you answered with a “good/fine/okay” he would know you weren’t telling the full truth 

if you came to school wearing a brand new pair of shoes, he’ll point it out and tease you all about it. if you showed up with a new hairstyle, kuroo won’t say anything, but you can tell he noticed because of the way he looks at it. 

even if you cut off three centimeters of your hair, he probably noticed. 

kept trying to fix his appearance around you 

he tried making it really subtle too. he’ll smooth down his jacket, try to flatten down his hair, and straighten his collar around you in hopes that it’ll make him look a bit better (he’s such a cutie 🥺 okay who’s gonna tell him that he’s looks perfectly fine the way he is) 

teased you, in a flattering way. the type of teasing where you have to force yourself from smiling too hard. and he only does it to you! no one else is worth his teasing 

but the moment someone else starts teasing you, he’d act a little ... distant. he’d back off and just watch you interact with them. if you look uncomfortable, he’d immediately put a stop to it and put them back in their place. 

called you by a nickname only he uses

at first, he used it as a joke. but overtime, it just stuck and now it doesn’t feel right for him to call you by your first name. again, the annoyance is clear on his face when someone called you by the same nickname 

~~~

when you first met kenma, he said, “y/n? i’ve heard a lot *glances at kuroo* about you.” 

suna rintarou 

lowkey protects you. such as putting an arm in front of you, shielding you with his body, draping his jacket over your head, lending you his umbrella, that type of stuff (ugh just kiss already) 

he acted like it was no big deal. it’s not like he’d admit it was on his mind for a whole week. the miya twins knew something was up when suna suggested watching a romance movie. (suna needed new scenarios with you in his head) 

subtly invited you everywhere, made excuses to be around you 

“hey, we have a game on saturday at *specific location* in case you wanna come” 

“since they’re having a buy-one-get-one-free, it’ll be a shame if you didn’t come along ...” 

“since we’re both headed towards that place, might as well go together” 

unexpectedly defended you/your opinion in conversations and class. even though suna rarely talks in class, if you brought up a point/answer, he’d defend it

sakusa kiyoomi 

had trouble meeting your eyes without blushing 

even with his mask on, you could see the redness spread across his cheekbones whenever you spoke to him. 

always plopped himself in a seat close to you, even with all those other empty seats 

his became more soft, gentle, and high-pitched around you, his posture became less stiff 

it’s subtle; he didn’t even notice a change in his own voice. maybe because there’s nothing else on his mind when he’s talking to you? 

always walked a little bit slower in the hallways when he saw you pass by and eyed you, hoping that you’d notice him like the way he noticed you

bokuto koutarou 

stumbled with his words and forgot basic things around you

“class? what do you mean by ‘we have to go to class’??” 

listened intently to everything you said and memorized facts about you better than his vocabulary words 

“akaashi, did you know that y/n’s favorite ice cream flavor is ...” 

“nope, y/n can’t make it today. how do i know? because they told me in advance :D oh wait, y/n’s not gonna be here today?? D’:”

made a handshake with you to do in front of everyone to show off that your connection with him is special

the pride he felt when everyone gathered around to watch you and him do your special handshake 🥺

got you gifts out of nowhere simply because you said you liked it

his mindset goes: getting y/n ___ = y/n happy :) i better get it for them before someone does 

tendou satori 

always lends you his stationary and whenever he forgets a pencil, you’re the first person he asks. don’t worry, he always returns them right after :) 

he also loves “borrowing” your personal things. the idea of you trusting him is really special to him. plus, whenever someone asks him where he got it, he gets to say, “oh, it’s y/n’s.” 

loves, loves, loves passing notes in class!! 

he kept all of your conversations with him in a special little box hidden in his room. 

complimented the little things he knows you care about! 

he loves seeing that beautiful smile of yours while knowing he’s the cause of it.

he smiles so much around you <33  tendou’s smile is so contagious it’s hard to be sad around him. not to mention he always knows how to cheer you up :’ 

iwaizumi hajime 

whenever his friends talked about hot actors and classmates they found attractive, he never joined in. (if you were there, he’d be glancing at you ever-so-often) 

he’d always offer to walk/drive you home. every single day. even if you insisted that he didn’t need to, it would take another five minutes of convincing him. if you said yes, he happily got you home. no matter what occasion, he always asked you. it was your regular, daily routine with him :) 

made jokes only for you to hear. he loved having inside jokes with you that only you two understood. the confusion on other peoples’ faces was satisfying. 

akaashi keiji 

had a lot of sympathy for you over small things (and big things too, of course) 

if your weekend plans got messed up, if you lost your jacket, forgot your stationary, tripped on the stairs, he’s the person you go to to talk about these things. he never belittles your struggles and always finds a way to help you feel better 

always checked in with you and made sure you had a lunch to eat 

even if your classroom is across the campus, you better expect him to be at the front door after your class is over

tried his best to get to know your friends and family (and pets!) 

akaashi best boy 🥺 the way he sees your friends and family as his own because he knows how much they matter to you 

-> a/n: i hope you like these hehe :))

[xoxo-teddybear]

Birthday Bummer - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: Angst, Cursing, Fluff, cheating accusations, jealous Katsuki

Summary: You love your boyfriend! You do! And he loves you! However he’s always busy. You understand being a pro can be very occupational but when he does have days off, he spends them either training to doing some paper work. Doing everything he can to get ahead, and you of course support him! But sometimes you miss him and sometimes he misses..a lot

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

“Oh? You’re not gonna be able to make it again?” You said with sadness laced in your voice. The phone in your hand felt like led in your shaking palm as you spoke to your boyfriend.

“Yeah. I’m so sorry Teddy Bear. Endeavor won’t let me off especially with all the damaged I caused during our last battle.” He explained. Your lip began to quiver but you bit it to hide your expression.

“It’s fine, Suki. Really. I understand, you’re a hero and you’re busy. Don’t worry about it, Love.” You said with a reassuring tone.

“Are you already at the restaurant?” He asked with worry.

“No, I didn’t even leave the house yet. I was still getting ready. I was actually gonna text you to tell you I was gonna be a little late, but..yeah.” You said. Bakugou sighed in sadness.

“I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you baby.” Another empty promise. You licked your lips at his words and gave a disappointed sigh.

“Ok.” You replied.

“I love you.” He sweetly said.

“I love you too.”

“Bye Y/N!” Kirishima said from the other side of the phone.

“Shitty Hair said ‘bye’” Bakugou said, relaying the message.

“Heh, bye Kiri.” You said and hung up. You placed the phone down on the table and bounced your leg up and down as you let your head rest in your hand.

Of course. Like usual, Katsuki blew you off again for work. It’s not like it’s his fault but he never seems to turn his agency down. You understand that being a hero requires diligent work and good ethics but your boyfriend would always drop everything for work whenever, wherever. That includes you.

“Excuse me, Miss?”

You looked up to the man who was dressed in a clean suit with a white apron. “Would you like anything else?”

“Ha, I mean..unless you can get my date here, then just the check.” You joked. The kind waiter placed an understanding hand on your shoulder before placing down the bill. You sipped from your champagne glass and payed before grabbing your purse and walking out of the fancy restaurant. Maybe if your boyfriend were here, you would be getting in his car with him to go home, but instead, you were driving your own and sitting by yourself. You began your drive home to the empty house.

The usual. Katsuki blows you off for work, tries to make it up to you with something special, fails to show up for that, repeat cycle. This time..it was different though. It was supposed to be your special day. It was your birthday.

You hoped he would’ve remembered. I mean, it’s not like this was your first birthday with him. This was going to be your 4th birthday with him! And he forgot! And you would’ve let it slide had it not been for the fact that he had been blowing you off more and more for work. You understand he’s a pro and you get that with the sudden splurge of crime in Musutafu he’s been way busier but he didn’t even spare you a little “Happy Birthday, babe.”

As you pulled into the driveway, you looked at the doorway and saw an edible arrangement! Your eyes lit up as you ran out the car and went to examine the gift. Unfortunately, as you read the gift card, you saw it was from Mina and not Katsuki. You smiled nonetheless, appreciative of the gift.

You brought it in and enjoyed the sweet treats in the basket with a sad smile. You left it on the dining table along with all the other gifts. A beautiful set of rings, a new dress, a heart holding teddy bear, and a bouquet of roses from your father. You were always a daddy’s girl. You and your father were extremely close and only grew closer once you lost your mother. Growing up an only child, your father was your best friend. You loved him dearly. As you examined the flowers, you couldn’t help but notice his note that put a smile on your face.

Hello my Sweet Angel, Y/N. It’s been another year of you being in my life and I couldn’t be happier to have been blessed with you. I hope these roses will suffice but I know they pale in comparison to your beauty. I hope you enjoy this marvelous day and I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to spend it with you as we usually do. I love you Y/N

-Daddy

You called your father to thank him for the roses and to have a conversation with him. You hadn’t talked to many people today despite it being your birthday so talking to one of your favorite people should bring your mood to a better place.

“Alright, I should get going now. It’s pretty late and you need your rest.” You reminded your father.

“Of course dear. Have a nice night, goodnight sweetie.”

“Okay, goodnight Daddy!” You chirped.

“Goodnight!”

You enjoyed speaking to your father and you definitely did feel your mood brighten until you noticed a text from Katsuki. You foolishly hoped it was a last minute birthday mention but of course you were wrong.

‘I’ll be home soon, princess. Mind getting dinner started? Thanks <3’

You could only sigh and feel your mood drop once more.

Afterwards, you chose to ignore his request and went to your shared bedroom. You stripped out of your gorgeous outfit and took off your makeup that you spent hours on. You hoped Katsuki would’ve gotten to see you all dolled up for your special day but things happen..you guess. You ran a hot bath for yourself and filled it with all types of scented bath salts, soaps, and flower petals. You lit a few candles and set them up all pretty around the tub and hopped in, relishing in the warmth that wrapped around you. All you wanted to do was forget about today.

—

Bakugou walked through the door exhausted from the day’s work. He took a shower at the agency and was all set and dressed in a comfy tee and a pair of sweats. He dropped his case at the door and walked in, expecting dinner for him on the island, but instead was met with a bunch of gifts. He stood shocked but chuckled to himself at the thought of you doing such a nice thing for him out of nowhere. He guesses that this was better than dinner.

He walked to the gifts and examined them. An edible arrangement that seemed to be eaten? Rings that were obviously for a woman? A dress? Okay, by now he realized that these gift must’ve been for you but for what? He continued to look through the gifts and noticed the lovey dovey Teddy Bear and bouquet. He grew a little irked at the gifts that one would deem romantic but what really sent it was the note. The words made his blood boil and when he saw the note was signed “Daddy,” he exploded.

“Is she…” as Bakugou thought about it, he came to the conclusion that you must’ve been cheating on him with some sugar daddy. The gifts, the dress, the rings, the note?! It gave him all the signs. In a raging fit, he took the basket and slammed it to the floor. He ripped apart the Teddy Bear, tossed the rings, singed the dress, and stomped on the beautiful roses. Finally, he made his way to search for you as he spoke to himself. “Oh that cheating fucking bitch.”

—

You were all set with your bath and had already dried your hair. You were dressed in your favorite silk set as you laid on the king sized bed. Suddenly, the door busted open and your boyfriend walked through the door, and he was pissed.

“Katsuki! The door!” You exclaimed before Bakugou made his way over to you.

“Am I not enough for you?!” He screamed. You looked at him in silent confusion and your pause urged him to continue. “What?! Do I not make enough money to your liking?! Well sorry if I can’t fucking spoil you! I just thought you would’ve appreciated my fucking efforts a little damn more considering you don’t have to work at all!”

“Katsuki, what the hell are you talking about?” You questioned, sitting up a little straighter.

“I’m talking about you fucking cheating on me! You think I wouldn’t notice all the fucking gifts you got for spreading your legs for some rich bastard?!” He asked and threw your gifted dress on your lap. You looked at it in shock as you ran your fingers across the singes. “Why don’t you take that fucking dress and the rest of your stupid gifts, and get the fuck out of this ho-“

Without letting him finish, you pushed his chest away and ran downstairs to the island. You set your eyes on the island and you stopped in your tracks, covering your open mouth with your hands in shock. Bakugou followed you down the stairs so he could see your reaction to having your gifts ruined, thinking it was exactly what you deserved for “cheating.”

“No, no, no!” You said an ran to the scattered gifts, trying to collect them as best as you could. Tears fell down your face as you looked at all the broken pieces in your hand. It wasn’t that you cared about receiving gifts, it was that these gifts were from people who cared enough to remember the day you came into this world. A day your own boyfriend couldn’t even remember this year. You found the crushed bouquet and held it against your chest. A gift from your dear father, ruined.

“What is wrong with you?” You tearfully asked the blonde behind you. You stood on your feet as he smirked at you with crossed arms and scoffed.

“What’s wrong with you? Fucking cheating on me with some sugar daddy?! And don’t even try to lie your way out of this shit, I read the fucking card.” He stated. You gawked at him in confusion and looked around as if he was crazy.

“The bouquet was from my father, Bakugou! Not my fucking sugar daddy! I don’t fucking have one, you prick!” Your words made Bakugou’s eyes pop as his arms uncrossed and slowly fell to his sides.

“W-What?” He asked.

“My father! The roses were from my father! The edible arrangement was from Mina, the rings were from Momo, the teddy bear was from Kirishima, and the dress was from Jirou! They gave me these gifts because it’s my birthday! Remember?!”

Bakugou immediately felt guilt build up in his chest. A little relief with that fact that you weren’t cheating, but immediate guilt for accusing you of doing so, telling you to leave, breaking your gifts, and forgetting your birthday.

“Y-Y/N I-“

“Save it Bakugou. You want me to leave so bad? Then I’ll go.” With that, you slammed the destroyed flowers into his chest and ran to the bedroom to change and pack a small bag with Bakugou following your trail.

“Y/N! No, wait!” He shouted and chased after you. Before he could grab hold of you, you made it into the room and slammed the door in his face before locking it. “Baby! C’mon, open the door! I’m sorry!”

“Leave me alone!” You said as you changed.

“No! Baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I forgot your birthday, I’m sorry I accused you of cheating, I’m sorry I ruined your special day. Please just let me in to fix this!” He begged. You finally opened the door with an angry look. “Baby! Thank go-“

“You can’t fix this, Bakugou!” You said with tears poking at the ends of your eyes. His heart began to ache when he noticed them and the bag you carried. Not only that but ever since you started calling him Bakugou again, he felt weak.

“Baby..it’s Katsuki.” He said trying to reach out for you but you snatched your hand away.

“Don’t call me that and as of right now, no it’s not!” You tried to walk away but Bakugou grabbed onto your waist to stop you.

“Y/N, stop, please. Look, you don’t have to go, just stay here and we can talk about this. Please we don’t even have to talk, just stay here. I’ll sleep in the guest room just don’t go, please.” He pleaded with soft tears. You bit your lip before calming down and speaking to him.

“Katsuki, I can’t be around you right now.” You said with a broken voice. “I just need some space…please.”

Katsuki still refused to let you go and so you stood there for what felt like forever. Eventually, you felt his hold weaken and so you pulled his arms off before walking away. Bakugou quietly followed you to the exit and before you left, Bakugou grabbed your wrist.

“I’m sorry. Please..let me fix this.” He said with tears running down his eyes. You froze before going in to make a move. You sighed and placed your hands on his face and wiped away his tears with your thumb. Bakugou took the opportunity to hold you in his arms once more as he leaned in to your touch. You pulled his face in and pecked his cheek before placing your hand on the knob once more.

“We’ll talk when I get back.” You softly said. You didn’t bother to see his response before you shut the door and got in your car to drive away.

Talk about a birthday bummer.

A/N: UGH, HORRIBLE ENDING

Tag list: @sxcker4you @aomi04 @tessabrown101

[skiyoosmi]

post-break up heartaches

verse 1. in the car that used to drive us to our home

⤷ kuroo tetsurou, oikawa tooru — more characters coming soon

⤷ verse 2 | verse 3

⤷ play. never let me go by ghostly kisses, forget about us by clinton kane

commissions: open

⇢ KUROO sighs for the umpteenth time of the day. he was so fucking exhausted and his body's about to give in to sleep any moment now. work has been beating his ass; there was this newbie who kept on messing up the documents needed by the board and for the whole day, he had to be the one to fix said issues. it's not like he wasn't paid enough for that; if anything, his paycheck was one of the most beautiful things he laid his eyes on— but god, even his body has its own limits and yet...

"ya.... yer not supposed to do this anymore. y-ya left me, remember?" you slurred, index finger pointing right at his chest as he circled his arms around your waist, huffing as you practically dropped all your weight on him. here he was, suddenly given the task of having to take you home after your supposed-to-be designated driver, miya fucking atsumu, also drank his brains out with you.

"be patient. still heartbroken because of you, y'know?" kenma softly tells him despite the tipsy feeling lurking in the back of his mind, shaking his head as he looked at you, whose system finally shut down and were now dozing off in the black haired man's arms.

"..... still?" he mumbles, looking down at your figure and he feels his heart contract with pain all over again.

"you can't expect her to be fine immediately, kuroo. it was your wedding day, supposed to be the greatest day of her life and yet it became the worst one... you left her at the altar alone."

he didn't reply anything— or rather, he was unable to. because what can he say to refute the truth? nothing. instead, he proceeded to his car with you still in his hold. he places you on the passenger seat, locking the seatbelts before jogging to the driver's side.

the car ride was calm as you slept soundly with your head occasionally hitting the window lightly as it swayed from side to side. he was sure as hell that if you were sober right now, you wouldn't even have the thought of seeing him cross your mind. he just knows for sure that you despise him with your whole being... at least, that's what he thought until...

"i'm sorry, tetsu. please come back," you whimper in your seat, voice quiet but he heard it nonetheless, "tell me what i did wrong so i can fix it."

the pitiful sounds and mumbles you made struck kuroo right in the heart and which makes him pull over an empty but safe road, just a block away from your (previously shared) apartment. looking over your form, he finds himself reaching out to touch your face, caressing your cheeks as drops of tears fell down slowly on them, "you didn't do anything wrong. you were fine. you were so perfect."

you squint your eyes at him, probably wondering if this was real or just a part of your drunken imagination. nonetheless, you hiccuped, "y-you... you left me and i... i still can't even bring myself to hate you... i just wanna ask you why? i just want to understand."

he thought he also knew the reason why but every single time he thinks about it, he's only led to one conclusion: because he was a coward. no way was this any of your fault— it's definitely not your fault that right at that moment, as he stared at the mirror, wearing the black suit you chose for him, the sudden fear of commitment loomed over him. it's not like it was your fault he suddenly got scared of losing you the way his parents lost each other. but now he thinks it's ironic, because he lost you anyway.

maybe... just maybe, if he had just met you where you stood at the altar, instead of leaving you alone in it, maybe he would've been happier. maybe his days would've started more with a smile from you as you helped him fix his necktie before going to work. maybe, the working hours he spends in the shitty corporate world would've been more worth it if it meant he can come home to you at the end of the day. maybe... maybe he wouldn't have to be stuck with this lump in his throat as he wonders what could've been happening if he just chose to show up and vowed his life to you.

but he didn't.

"i realized i wasn't just ready to tie my life with anyone yet. that's all there is to it, yn."

so with a heavy feeling stuck in his chest and a quiet promise to never see you again for the sake of not hurting you further, he starts the car's engine again, ignoring the words you replied but he was sure they will haunt him for a very long time... again.

i can wait for you no matter how long it takes, tetsu, you know that.

⇢ OIKAWA gives you what seems like a guilty smile as he stands in front of you, opening his arms and gesturing you to come closer. but the stoic expression on your face takes him back to the reality that the last thing you wanted to do today was to actually fetch him from the airport. it just so happens that his three best friends were caught up with work that they had no choice but to send you, the main ex-bestfriend slash ex-girlfriend, to him.

why did you agree when you practically loathe him with your whole being? well, it was probably because you weren't the devil who would reject your friends when they were literally on their knees as they begged you and for some reason, you thought he'll look pitiful going back to his home country after five years with no one to welcome him. yeah, that's it. it's not like you're still in love with him or anything.

"my car's just around the corner," you begrudgingly walk towards the car park with him quietly following. at the moment, he knew better than to get on your nerves or else there would be war. he hates that this happened to the both of you but he can't blame anyone else but himself. because who wouldn't hate their ex-boyfriend if they suddenly broke up with them over a phone call?

tension filled the car as you both sat beside each other. perhaps, this was what other people were talking about when they say that it's impossible for exes to be friends again, to not feel any awkwardness because you were sure as hell that the word "awkward" was an understatement of your situation right now. nevertheless, your eyes couldn't help but wander to his figure as he adjusted his body, opting for a more comfortable position in the passenger's seat.

he looked more youthful and you felt bittersweet— proud that his whole aura screams of "success" which meant that gone were the days where he longed to get that winter cup trophy, nor the times when he overworked himself and put a strain on his knee which led to countless arguments with you. if anything, he looked happier and it sucks because you're not even close to feeling that way... not without him.

"i heard you've finally gotten yourself your own condominium? that's great, yn!" he exclaimed as soon as you began driving to your destination, a hope lit within him that maybe you might just respond to him. just one smile, that's all i need, he thinks.

but you remain focused on your driving, choosing to reply with a single nod and a soft "yeah..."

disappointment fills his heart as he faces the truth that your relationship has really been ruined, along with your friendship. all because he was foolish to think that he couldn't handle the physical distance between you two. realization dawns upon him that he just made that same distance worse as you pull your heart further away from him.

"... i actually bought it for the two of us, you know?" he whips his head to your direction in surprise, heart clenching as he watch you let out a sad chuckle, "i just... i thought it would be nice if we had a place to permanently stay at and for you to have a home to go to when you're at japan. but yeah... i guess things doesn't go our way sometimes, does it?"

"i'm sor—"

"it's okay. i'm fine now," you quickly reply, shaking your head but keeping your eyes on the road. he tries to ignore the tears that start to form in them because he has no right to stop them, knowing full well that he was the one who caused them in the first place.

as if on cue, you halt your vehicle in front of a familiar apartment and much to your dismay, you find yourself looking back in the past when you used to live in that same place, making wonderful memories with the chocolate haired lad with you. you clear your throat to stop the sob that desperately attempts to escape your throat, "uhm... we're here."

"oh, yeah. we're here," he numbly states, already missing you despite the mere inches of space separating the two of you. you just felt so far away and he hates it. but this was the path he chose so he gets out of your car along with his things, turning to you once more, "uhh... thanks for the ride, yn. i know you probably hate me but yeah... it's very nice of you to put that past us and i guess i just want to say sorry for hurting you... i just..."

"i don't hate you, tooru," you softly tell him, "i just don't want anything to do with you anymore. to see you this happy, without me, is like a slap in the face because i'm not. it still hurts and i'm not fine. i just hope this will be the last time we'll see each other. be safe on your trip back to argentina. welcome home."

and with that, you start the car's engine again, no longer having the energy nor the strength to hear his reply. but he wishes you did because as he watches your car drive further away from him, he can't help but wish that he can take back time so that you don't have to go to that condominium and instead, go inside the home you once shared with him.

but i'm not happy, yn. because how could i call this place my home when you're not here with me?

at that moment, unbeknownst to the two hearts that long for each other break at the same time, you finally let out the tears and cries that you've been keeping since you saw him, knowing that no matter how much you try, you'll never be as happy as you were with him— simply because he left you with a hole in your heart that no one else can fill.

© SKIYOOSMI, 2021. reposting, translating, editing, copying and any kind of plagiarism are strictly prohibited, thank you.

[thewritetofreespeech]

Obey Me + Jealousy

prompt: The Demon Brothers don’t like that you’re spending time with your best friend in the human world. Loosely based off this prompt done previously.

Lucifer

It had been a long time since you had been up to the human world. Even longer since you had seen your best friend. You were so excited to see them! Laughing. Telling old inside stories. Catching up on gossip.

Although you were having a great time in the human world, your escort for the day did not seem to be enjoying all your world had to offer.

In order to get ‘top side’ Lucifer had to come with you. He was the only one able to open the portal there and back, and insisted on coming with you to keep you safe. You felt the need to remind him that the Devildom was the actual dangerous place, but it would take longer than just letting him come.

Now you kind of wish you had taken the time to argue. He was really being a major downer the whole day.

“Are you ok? You seem irritated.” Or, well, more irritated than usual.

“No. I’m fine.” Lucifer replied. Although not lending any credibility to the statement. “I’m just thinking of all the more useful things I could be doing with my time.”

You frown at his flip comment. “If you don’t want to be here, then you can leave. No one is making you stay here.”

“Fine. Since you seem so entertained by your little friend to pay any attention to me, perhaps it is best if I do head home.”

You blink a little at Lucifer’s statement. It was cold, and once again flip, as usual. But you were surprised he mentioned your friend. “Lucifer, are you jealous I’m spending time with them?”

The demon rebuttaled with a surprised look before he frowned at you. “I am not jealous.”

“Really? Cause it seems like your-“I am not jealous!” He repeated, louder and sterner this time. He let that moment linger there before he sighed and looked away with his arms cross. “I am….perhaps irritated to be ignored.”

‘Right, so, totally jealous.’ You think to yourself. But have the good sense to keep that thought to yourself alone. You suppose you could see where he was coming from. It’s hard to be the odd man out when you and your friends get together. Being so proud and prominent in the demon world, this is probably the first time it had happened to Lucifer.

“I’m sorry if you’re feeling left out. I’ll try to be more inclusive.”

“No. You’re right.” Lucifer remarked. Finally looking back at you with a much softer expression. “It’s foolish of me to think I can take all of your time. You deserve some moments of your own. I shouldn’t have intruded.” His hand reached out to cup your cheek, while offering you the faintest of smiles. “I will leave, but not because I’m angry. I want you to spend time with your friend and enjoy it, which would be best when I’m not around. Just call me when you’re ready to come home and I’ll come fetch you.” He released your cheek and took a step back. Smiling at you again before he disappeared.

You wonder, briefly, if he could feel your heart swelling with pride after you left. To think a small human like you could make the great Lucifer jealous.

Mammon

There were a lot of things you loved about Mammon.

His spontaneity. His zest for life. How nothing ever seemed to get him down for too long.

However, it was hard to remember all those good qualities when he was behaving so poorly all day.

“Mammon! Can you knock it off?!”

“What?! I’m just standing here. I’m not good enough at standing here for ya now!” The demon barked back. Not matching your whisper tone at all.

“That’s not what I said, and you know it. You’ve been a jerk all day and I’d like you to cut it out.”

“Oh, so now I’m a jerk! Well sorry sweetheart but I’m a demon. We’re not ‘upposed to be nice and friendly all the time. Sometimes we get ta be jerks!”

“Good lord, say it a little bit louder Mammon!” You hiss back at him letting practically the whole world, or at least this park, know he was a demon.

Mammon tsked his teeth and turned away from you. “Can’t do anything right.” He muttered. “Why don’t you go hang out with your friend then, if I’m such a jerk? You two seem ta be having a grand ol’ time on your own with me here. Shouldn’t make much of a difference if I’m gone.” He said before crossing his arms in a huff.

“Is that what this is about?” You ask. Ignoring his little out burst (because when he gets this way it’s just best to ignore him). “You’re mad that I’m spending time with my friend and not you?”

“No!” Yes. Totally yes.

“Mammon are you jealous?”

The demon floundered comically at the question, his mouth opening & closing like a fish as he tried to find words, before he answered. “I am not jealous!!” Great come back. “The Great Mammon does not get jealous! Ya hear! I’m just pissed because you’re spending all this time with them when I’m the one who schlepped all the way up here for ya, and used my connections to get us top side!” He turned away again and recrossed his arms. Then he muttered under his breath, “it was just supposed to be you and me today, for once.”

A sigh left you lips, and you step closer to Mammon to place your hand on his arm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your plans. I was just excited to see my friend. It’s been so long. Plus I wanted you to meet them so I can show you off. You are my first after all.”

Those blue gold eyes got a little wide, and Mammon blushed, before he gulped once and refocused himself. “Y-Y-Yeah! Of course. Ya should be proud to show me off. It’s not everyone who gets to be seen with an all-powerful demon like me. If anyone is ‘jealous’ it should be everyone else for not having the Great Mammon by their side!”

“Of course,” you agree with a giggle. Before you lean up and give him a kiss on the cheek. “I’m lucky to have you.”

“D-Don’t ya forget it!”

Levi

“Hey, [Y/N]-chan, I think I’m gonna head home.”

You look up from your soda at Levi, who was fidgeting beside you after he spoke. “What? Why? I thought you were having fun.”

“Yeah, no. No I mean….you seem like your having fun with your friend so I don’t want to bother you. 3 is a crowd.”

“Levi, that’s not true. You’re not bothering us. I just wanted to spend sometime with my bff while we’re in town.”

“No. I get it. Who would want to hang out with a crummy otaku like me.”

“Levi, that’s not what I said. I do want to hang out with you!”

“But you have your normie friend.” Levi looked past you at the friend in question. “Look at them. Being out, talking to people like a regular person. I can never do that. You should go on without me and leave me here. You seem much happier with them anyway.”

“Levi…come on. That isn’t—” Your train of thought stops itself as it came to a sudden, and abrupt realization. “Levi, are you jealous?”

The blue haired demon responded with his trademark ‘eehhh??’ at the question, and quickly covered his face with is arm. “O-O-Of course not!” He exclaimed. Barely hiding the blush on his cheeks. “Who would be jealous of a normie?? I just I…I mean you…Y-You seem so happy with them [Y/N]-chan. A sad otaku like me can never make you that happy. So it’s just bumming me out!”

You offer Levi a soft smile, then move to squat down in front of him. “True. I am happy when I hang out with my friends. But I’m happy when I hang out with you too. No one can gush about anime with me like you can.” You reassure him. He was the Avatar of Envy after all. What did you expect?

The demon slowly poked his head out from under his arm. “Really?”

“Of course. It’s…not really a side of myself I get to show to people. They think I’m weird. But with you, I can be that part of myself. That’s the part that you have Levi.”

His face turned bright red all over again, and Levi sat there for a moment before he quickly shook his head. “D-Don’t say stuff like that [Y/N]-chan! Don’t make me fall for your normie trap!”

You giggle and stand up again to offer Levi your hand. “Come on. Lets find something we can all do together. The Cineplex is playing some old action movies we can go and make fun of.”

“Oooo! Which ones??”

The distraction of old movies to riff on, and for Levi to share all his in-depth knowledge on, was a welcome alternative for the afternoon. He even had a spirited debate with your best friend on the concepts of CGI graphics vs old school ‘cut & paste’ cinematography. Crisis on planet Earth avoided.

Satan

It was always fun to come back to the human world. Especially with Satan.

Not that you didn’t enjoy spending time with the others, but most of them could be a little....energetic. It was nice to spend a calm afternoon with the 4th brother alone for a change.

You both had stopped in a local coffee shop you loved when you ran into an old friend. You hadn't seen them in so long that you got to talking and eventually invited them to join your table. Where you had been laughing and having a grand time for a while now.

Or so you thought.

Satan hadn’t said a word the whole time you were at the table. Which was necessarily odd. He wasn’t a big talker like some of his brothers. However, you could tell that something was wrong with the way he kept stirring his cup, or how his jaw clenched ever now and then before releasing. His movements subtle, as always.

“I’m gonna get another cup. You want anything?” Your friend asked as they got up from the table, to which both of you motioned no.

“Can we go now.” Your head turned back to Satan at his cool words. “We were supposed to go to the bookstore.”

“We still have time to go to the bookstore.” You tell him. “It doesn’t close until a while from now.”

“Yes. But we agreed to be there at 1:00, and now it’s 1:30. That’s not the way this day was supposed to go.” The blonde replied. Fidgeting with his cup to try and align it perfectly on the saucer. “This day was supposed to be just you and I.”

You blink a little at Satan’s response. Initially thinking that he was miffed about the time. Now, however, you weren’t so sure. “Satan, are you jealous that I paused our date to hang out with my friend?”

The demon sat up straighter; though how you could be sure. Then he frowned. “I am not jealous.”

“No. I get it. It’s hard to be in a group if they have a lot of inside jokes. It’s ok if--“I am not jealous!” He shout. His fist slamming on the table, rattling the frail wood and cups. Alerting everyone in the shop to your conversation.

Satan hissed through his teeth and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Alright. Fine. I am jealous. We so rarely get time away from those idiots, and I was really looking forward to the bookstore with you. Now you have someone else tagging along. Is it so awful to be alone with me?”

Your heart sank a little at that. Was that really how Satan felt? “I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention. I just wanted to catch up with my friend for a bit since I haven’t seen them in a while. I didn’t mean to disrupt our date.” The demon blinked a few times at the word ‘date’ then blushed. Muttering about how it wasn’t like that, that he was being unreasonable, that it was all fine. Still, you smile and offer to him, “let me tell them goodbye and we’ll go to the bookstore. If we leave now, we can also stop by the pet store and play with the cats if you’d like.”

Satan fidgeted in his chair. Cheek’s still a stark pink against his blonde hair. “I....would like that.”

Asmo

It was a beautiful day in the human world, and you were so excited to be home.

Being able to spend the day in your home town, with your best friend, shopping and just playing around was the best way to spend an afternoon. Who could be sad at a day like this?

“[Y/NNNNNNNN],” Asmo whined. The usually bubbly demon dragging his shopping bags behind him as he pouted behind you. “Can’t we stop for now”

“Really Asmo? You’re usually much more of a marathon shopper.”

“It’s too hot.” He quipped back. Now with more of a frown than a pout. “This humidity is wreaking havoc on my hair.”

“Why don’t I get us something cool to drink?” Your BFF suggested. Trying to stay positive all afternoon, and pretending that they didn’t hear Asmo’s bitter ‘yeah why don’t you do that’ as they took off and he sat down.

“Asmodeus,” you hiss when you were alone. “Who can you be so rude to them? What is wrong with you today?!”

“It’s not my fault!” Asmo snapped back. Looking wounded but also scratching at his chest where his pact mark was to let you know that he knew he messed up. “This was supposed to be a day for you and me! They’re the one that but in!”

“No. You did. I told you I was going top side for a while to hang out with my friend, and you invited yourself along. So now you’re ruining everyone’s day with this behavior. I really don’t get you.”

Asmo stopped scratching at his chest and pouted for real this time.

“I don’t like seeing you with them.” He confessed. “I don’t like seeing you with anyone. Your smile….it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I wanted to come along with you today because I wanted to see your smile. But seeing you happy with someone else is the worst! I don’t even care about any of this anymore. Not even my new shoes.” His foot kicked at his bag sullenly. Asmo must really be upset. “I want to go home and forget all about the human world. I want you to come home with me!”

You listen for a while before you make a confession of your own. “You’re jealous, aren’t you.” It was plain as day now. Or at least now that you realized he wasn’t just being a brat to be a brat.

Asmo turned and glared at you slightly. “Green is not my color.” He insisted before turning away in a huff.

You chuckle, then sit down beside him on the bench. “I think you look good in any color.” You tell him. Softening the demon up. “You know I care about you Asmo. But me being with my friends doesn’t mean I care about you any less. And that’s no reason to be so ugly to them. You need to apologize.”

The demon winced at the word ‘ugly’, but did seem to agree that he needed to turn this around.

When your friend came back, he quickly apologized. Blaming jet lag, or some other ridiculous believable excuse. It didn’t really matter when he turned on the charm. Gods help him if he ever set his mind to something.

Beel

He was stress eating. You could tell.

Although Beel was still shoveling food into his mouth with his usual speed and gusto, by now you could tell the difference in his eating habits. Like when he was just bored and there was food around, or when he was really hungry for something, or when he was excited to try something new. Right now, he wasn’t enjoying what he was eating. Even when he was bored or just eating to eat, Beel always seemed to enjoy it. Even if it was just a vending machine’s worth of junk.

Right now it just looked like he was doing it to take his mind off something.

“Beel? Is something wrong?” You ask softly. Still getting his attention though, and causing him to stop.

“No. Nothing ’s wrong.” He replied. His voice unusually sullen as he wiped his mouth. You knew something was wrong now. He never sounded said when he was eating. Now something was double wrong because he was lying to you.

“Beel….”

“…I don’t like your friend…” He finally confessed after a moment and long bout of staring.

You blink in surprise at his answer. Not expecting that at all. You’ve never heard Beel say a mean word about anyone before. Let alone not liking a person. “You don’t like my friend? Why? Did they do something wrong?”

“It’s not that. I just….don’t like how you are when you’re with them.” He said. Picking at the various candy wrappers he’d left littered on the table. “You seem happy.”

“Of course I’m happy. They’re my friend. I haven’t seen them in a long time, so I miss them.”

Beel flinched a little. “I know….” He seemed to be feeling bad about this now. “And I want you to be happy. I know the human world is your first home. But I’m scared that….if you like it here so much and them, that you’ll leave us again. When you’re not around it’s like this big whole in my stomach and I can’t fill it up.” His stomach growled in protest, or agreement, at his words, and Beel went back to stress eating his vending machine contents again.

Your gaze softened as you finally understood. He was jealous. He thought your friend was going to ‘take you away’ and leave him alone. That of course was silly because you’d never leave him, or the others, ever if you could help it.

You reach out your hand to stop his arm from lifting another fist full of chips to his mouth. Causing him to pause, with his mouth open, and look at you. “All this junk can’t be good for you.” You announce as you stop up from the park table suddenly. “Why don’t I take you to my favorite restaurant in town? My friend used to work there, so I’m sure we’ll get a great table and lots of yummy stuff on the house if we go.”

Beel’s eyes sparkled at the proposition. “Really??”

You giggle. The way to a man’s heart was through his stomach you suppose. Because after this, and a few unlimited fry baskets later, he and your friend were besties for life as well.

Belphie

"[Y/N], I wanna go home."

"Home?" You ask. "But we just got here." You’d only arrived at the park to meet your friend a few hours ago, and had only just started hanging out.

"Well I'm tired.” Belphie muttered.

“Aren’t you always kind of tired?” You ask, as a joke, but it doesn’t seem well received.

Belphie’s frown deepens, and he even lets out an annoyed little growl, before he turns on his heels to walk away. “Belphie! Where are you going?”

“You nap under that tree.” He announced. But doesn’t seem as thrilled as he normally is about the prospect. Napping under trees was like his third favorite nap spot. “You won’t let me go home, so I’m just going to stay there while you hang out with your friend. You won’t miss me anyway.”

The last part of his statement was muttered under his breath, but you still heard it. Was that what he was being so moody about?

“Belphie? Are you jealous I’m hanging out with my friend?”

“Yes.” He replied. Rather quickly considering, with only a moment to scuff the tip of his shoes. “I don’t like that you’re spending time with them and not me. I don’t like being ignored.”

“I’m not ‘ignoring you’.” You tell him. “I’m just hanging out with my friend for a while. I haven’t seen them in a long time. They’ve probably been lonely too.”

Belphegor huffed again and sagged his shoulders. You know you got him.

Belphie might be kind of selfish sometimes, but there was one thing he could empathize with: being alone. He was cast aside and locked out, partially of his own doing, for a long time. So he didn’t want anyone else to feel that way.

“I just don’t like the idea that you like them better than me.”

“I don’t.” You assure him. Stepping in to give him a peck on the cheek, which he adorably flinches at. “I love you both. Differently, but equal. Why don’t we think of something we can all do together then, hm?”

“I’m kind of committed to this nap-tree-idea-thing.” The demon confessed. You have to giggle.

You all don’t nap, but your friend agree to get some ice creams from a vendor in the park and sit under the tree to enjoy them while Belphie napped. It was a remarkably pleasant afternoon. You were glad you got to share it with Belphie.

[qyllenhaal]

Muse

Pairing: Artist!Steve x Reader

Summary: Steve’s an artist, and you’re secretly his muse. 3rd POV. WC: 3.5k

Warnings: smut (18+ only, MDNI), oral (f receiving), unprotected sex. Fluff. Friends to lover.

Steve knew it was a risk to quit his job and focus full-time on being an artist. His boss laughed in his face when he turned in his letter of resignation and asked Steve how much he thought his "little paintings" were going to make him. Steve didn't just face this scrutiny from his boss, but his friends too albeit not as harsh. Many of the people in his life didn't understand his passion for something that might leave him struggling, but Y/n was always there encouraging him.

"You may struggle for a little bit, but I think it's great Steve! Only one day into your new life as an artist and you already seem happier!"

Steve has known Y/n for almost a decade. They met under odd circumstances that some would consider a meet cute. She's still so sweet and bubbly just like she was the day he met her. It wasn't hard for him to fall head-over-heels for her. She always has a kind word and an open ear even during times of distress.

Sometimes he blushes when she gives him a compliment. She claims to not know anything about art, but every time he shows her something new she always has something stark to say that sticks with him. Maybe it's because it's coming from her.

His time spent alone in his studio is sacred. He converted a room in his apartment into a makeshift studio and he finds so much solace in those four walls. He has wanted to dabble in painting live subjects, maybe even a nude model or too, but he found himself getting real shy about it. He'd love to have someone to pose and to capture the way the light perfectly hits their face. That someone he imagined was often Y/n.

He was shocked when she allowed him to make her his subject. It started with him asking to paint a few photos of her she had lying around for "practice." Y/n was more than happy to help her friend Steve, only under the condition that he show her the final product. Steve found no problem in showing off the pastoral setting paintings he created, but it was much more harder to show off paintings of the person he thinks is the most beautiful person in the world.

Just like he couldn't muster up the confidence to ask anyone else to be his model, Steve could never ask Y/n to model for him in person. He found himself becoming too shy whenever the question was on the tip of his tongue. It would be much better if he were here in person with him, but he opted for photos of her clipped to his easel for reference. He'd finish a painting in one day and send her a photo via text of the finished product.

“I really look like that? It's amazing Steve!”

But eventually he ran out of photos. He tried to reuse some old ways and paint in a different style, or play with the colors, but it was beginning to become stale. Steve needed something new, but he didn't want to let go of Y/n as his subject.

"So you need new pictures?"

"Yeah — it's fine if you don't have any more," he tries to play it off as if he doesn't have 10 canvases in his studio of paintings of her that he hasn't shown her.

"We could take some more. Do you still have that digital camera you got a few Christmas' ago?"

"No. I think it got lost when I moved."

"Oh. Well I think Sam has a camera we can borrow. It's one of those fancy ones, right?"

Steve agreed to ask Sam to borrow his camera, but he honestly wishes that he had just bought his own. The amount of teasing he had to endure when he explained to Sam exactly why he needed the camera made his skin heat up. He couldn't stop his cheeks from becoming rosy when Sam asked when is he finally going to tell Y/n how he feels about her. Steve doesn't want to ruin what they have just in case Y/n rejects him. He'd much rather wallow in his school boy crush than put a strain on their friendship.

"How do you want me to pose?"

Y/n sat on the lone couch in Steve's studio room. It wasn't the best quality but it was still useful.

The curtains were drawn to shield the sun that was nearly set. The lighting in the room was dim save for the soft light coming from a small lamp pointed at her. It casted a warm, yellowish light onto her skin. She wore a white dress and kicked her shoes off at the front door.

"Whatever comes natural to you," his voice is weak as he responds. The atmosphere of the room is slightly romantic and he can't shake his nerves. Everything feels extremely intimate.

Y/n is almost as nervous as Steve. She's never modeled for someone and it feels a little bit awkward. She's always comfortable around Steve, but she can't help but get a little nervous when she sees Steve with the camera in his hands.

"You look perfect like that," he compliments the half-asses pose she's doing before snapping the first photo. He looks at the preview before the camera's screen could go dark.

"Let me see." He shows her and she just nods her head, "let me adjust myself," she whispers.

Y/n unbuttons the first two buttons of her dress, exposing more of her chest that only gives a glimpse of her breast. Steve pretended to not notice it as he took another picture of her. Once again Y/n asked to see the photo and looked a little more satisfied with it this time.

"Do you think that I could — nevermind."

"What is it Y/n?" He asks with a soft laugh that makes her want to melt.

"Do you think I could unbutton my dress all the way?" Her voice faltered as she asked. She watched Steve's reaction intently. She hopes the question doesn't make him uncomfortable. "It's just that I was looking up some ideas online so I could prepare and I saw this really pretty picture of this model and she was semi-nude but it was really pretty so I wanted to ask if we could try it," she explained; or perhaps over-explained.

Steve was completely dumbfounded. If Y/n couldn't see it in his dropped jaw, then she can see it in the way he just freezes.

"It's okay if that's too much."

"No! No, it's okay."

Y/n gave him a half smile before she began to unbutton the front of her dress. Steve tried to look away, but how could he not? The more she revealed herself, the easier it was for him to see the swell of her breast. Her skin looks so soft and he feels compelled to reach out and caress her bare skin. But he keeps his hands to himself.

"Is this too much?" The puffy sleeves of her dress were off of her shoulder and her dress was all the way open until the middle of her stomach. It's a lot for him to handle, but he feels blessed to see such a sight.

"No. It's perfect. You're perfect."

Y/n's skin heats up despite the room being cold. She was starting to get a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach. It wasn't a bad one or an uncomfortable feeling, but it was something she wasn't used to.

Now she's half-naked and posing on his couch. The first few photos he took of her like this were awkward as they both had to adjust to Y/n being half-naked.

Steve couldn't ignore the way the cold air made her nipples hard and breast tender. Steve was supposed to be on his best behavior, but he is seconds away from making a stupid mistake with his best friend.

Y/n arches her back which makes her breast jut out at him. Steve pauses to pray that he doesn't get a hard on. He feels a bit like a scumbag for even having this dilemma. It's just his best friend's half-naked body — that looks so soft and tender.

He forced himself to steel his resolve and hurry up and finish the task at hand. He began to treat her more like a model instead of the best friend he has a crush on.

"Try this," he suggests to her to move her body in a different way, which she does, but it's not quite what he wants. He was hesitant to get his hands on her, but he went for it anyway, "a little more like this."

In the process of moving her body, his hand brushed against her nipple. Y/n involuntarily let out a moan which made both of them pause. They looked at each other before Y/n let out a nervous laugh to try to play it off.

"Sorry," Steve apologizes.

"It's okay."

He glosses over what just happened and goes back to moving her body to her liking. He can't get over how good she feels underneath him. The truth is that he was taking his time to be able to have this experience for much longer. He may never have this kind of closeness with her again and he just can't quite let go.

Y/n watches his face as his hands touch her body. He looks so handsome under this lighting and Y/n wonders if she's always felt this way about Steve. For some reason she feels lust swirling inside of her. She hopes she isn't making a mistake when she leans forward and kisses him. Steve freezes under her kiss, stunned by reality, but he lets it happen. Her lips feel so soft against his, just like he always imagined.

She pulls away and places her forehead against his. Steve still has his eyes closed, lost in the dream that is Y/n's closeness.

"You can open your eyes now," she teases him. He obeys her and laughs along with her.

"I've wanted this for so long," he admits.

The revelation is shocking to her. She had no idea he felt this way about her, but now she wonders how much she's been oblivious to.

"Do you want this, Y/n? The last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable."

"No, no — I want this Steve. I wanna feel you touching me," her voice became somewhat whiny as desire fueled her.

With her blessing, Steve did not hold back. He kissed her hard, the way he imagined he would always kiss her. Imagine the way his heart nearly stopped when Y/n kissed him back with the same amount of fervor and want. Her hand came up and rested against the stubble on his cheek. They wish they could say their kiss was delicate, but it was not; it was sloppy and their tongues danced with each other.

When Steve pulls away, he's out of breath, but he's happy. The light touches he gave to her body earlier were not a bit rougher. He wants to explore every inch of her body in seconds, but he wants to be patient; he has all night to discover every inch of her.

"Touch me right here, Steve."

Y/n places his hands on her breast with his thumbs in reach of her nipples. Steve's thumb runs across her taut nipples which makes her sigh. "You like that?" He asks with a bit more confidence. She nods her head and her approval emboldens him. “Good.”

His lips ghost across the skin on her neck before he places a wet kiss against the skin on her throat. He can feel her breath hitch every time he places a tender kiss on her flesh. She smells like lavender and it makes him feel dizzy. He keeps playing with her nipples as he begins to suck on her neck. Y/n wants to just lay there and take in the feeling of him spoiling her, but she also wants to hear him moan. She strokes the bulge in his pants with her knee and she feels him groan against her skin. He lightly grinds himself against her knee to relieve all of the tension that built up inside of him. Neither of them are sure who wants who more, but it doesn’t matter to either of them. Knowing that this is an equal exchange of love and lust is enough for the two of them.

“Oh god Steve,” Y/n coos when he sucks on the most sensitive part of her neck. They’ve only just begun, but he makes her feel so good. A part of her is wishing that she had discovered Steve’s crush on her a long time ago, but she has him now and that’s all that matters.

“I wanna make you feel good,” he says against her skin, “I wanna make you cum.”

Y/n can’t help but moan at his confession. She can already imagine how it would feel to have him between her legs.

“Please Steve!”

Steve sits up just to push her dress up. The cotton panties she wears has a pink bow sewn onto it and he finds it adorable. He glances back up at her and he notices that she’s looking away from him. She’s now feeling bashful knowing that he’s going to see her completely naked even though she wants all of this and more. “It’s okay, pretty girl,” Steve pacifies her by slowly stroking her outer thigh. She finally looks at him, her pupils wide with lust. She almost sighs in content when he starts to slide her panties down. The cool air of the rooms only heats her up once it hits her hot sex.

“My god,” Steve whispers to himself. She looks so pretty, but she’s absolutely messy between her legs. She places her foot on the back of his couch to spread herself wider for him. “Good girl.”

Steve lowers himself between her legs and just stares at her for a moment. He wants to remember this for the rest of his life just in case this is the last time something like this happens between the two of them. He would be crushed if Y/n asked to just continue on as friend’s after this, but he would be eternally grateful that she granted him this opportunity. All he wants to do is make her feel good; his pleasure will follow suit, but it’s all about her.

One of his fingers runs along the edge of her folds. Y/n whimpers at the delicate way he treats her body. She feels so lucky to have someone so kind and sweet like Steve. He touches her with care, and love is in every stroke. “You’re so perfect,” he says before kissing her inner thigh. Every part of her body is sensitive but somehow she is able to withstand it all.

The first lick to her pussy overblows both of their senses. She’s sweet like honey and juicy like a peach. Steve’s first instinct is to groan against her pussy which sends vibration throughout her entire body. She feels like she’s on fire as all of the blood in her body goes straight to her sensitive nub. His tongue focuses on her clit and she’s in heaven. Steve’s tongue moves with so much skill and precision, but most importantly, passion. Steve treats her like he truly wants her, and Y/n can’t help but fall for him at this moment.

“You taste so good,” he coos against her slick.

The way he paws at her body while licking her pussy makes her feel like she’s being worshiped. Tears well in her eyes the harder he sucks at her clit. She hopes his neighbors’ aren’t home because they’d probably be annoyed at the loud sounds of her cries of pleasure. He has her on the edge and it just takes him rolling her nipples with his fingers that finally push her over.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop!”

Her cries are so angelic to him. And as much as he wants to keep licking her out, Steve needs to be inside of her so bad. He tames himself and pulls his mouth away from her to pull himself out of his pants. His incredibly hard, the head of his cock an angry red as it leaks pre-cum. “This is what you do to me,” his words are haunting. Y/n whines and wiggles her hips from being so impatient.

Steve lowers himself and presses the head of her cock at her opening. She’s so slippery that he pushes into her with ease. His cock is so big that she inhales sharply as she takes all of him inside of her. Her walls are like silk around him.

“So tight baby — oh god.”

Steve feels like he’s going to explode already. Her pussy is squeezing him and she looks up at him with wide eyes as she takes his cock like a good girl. It is the hardest task he’s ever faced in his life to not cum already. She just feels so good.

“Are you okay?” He asks sweetly before dipping his head to kiss her forehead.

She nods her head, “yes, Steve…feels so good,” she manages to speak coherently.

Her legs were thrown over his legs which allows him to fuck deeper into her. She looks so beautiful underneath him. Steve wants to feel her cum on his cock so bad. She flutters around him when he pulls out of her only to push back in seconds later.

Steve can only control himself for so long before he’s pounding into her. The cry of his name on her lips is so saccharine that it gives him a sweet tooth. He sucks on the skin of her neck to satisfy that need while Y/n places her hand on the back of his head as she moans for him.

“I’m gonna cum Steve! You’re going to make me cum!”

The ridges of his cock feels so good inside of her, but what really does it for her is how the head of his cock is kissing her cervix. The stretch of his cock is such a delicious burn that she wants him inside forever. With his face planted in her neck, lips kissing at her skin, Y/n is completely enamored with the way Steve consumes all of her. She is his just as much as he is her.

He feels her sex squeeze him one more time before she’s cumming all around him. She clings to him as her orgasm ravages through her. Steve fucks her through it before reluctantly pulling out of her. Her jerks himself off until he’s cumming all over her pretty tits, painting her body like she’s one of the world’s most precious masterpieces.

The two are completely spent as their limbs dangle off of his couch. Y/n’s heart is full feeling his cum cooling on her chest. She dips a finger in his spent and sucks it off, savoring his taste since she didn’t get a chance to go down on him. Steve almost passes out at the sight.

“You’re crushing my legs Steve,” she laughs warmly. He rolls off of her and off of the couch entirely.

Steve grabs a towel and starts t0 clean up her chest. He remembers what they were supposed to be accomplishing, but after what just happened between the two of them, Steve is certain he won’t be anxious about asking her to be his model again.

“So, where do we go from here?”

The question catches him off guard. He slowly wipes away his cum with the damp towel from her chest. As much as finding the answer to this question is hard, he is happy that she asked it because it means that she’s giving him a chance.

“I don’t want this to be the last time we do this,” Steve admits. He’s quickly become addicted to the way their foreheads pressed together; it just feels so intimate. “I love you too much for this to be the last time we ever spend like this together.”

As much as tonight has been shocking to her after the revelation of Steve proving to her that he loves her, she’s only overwhelmed with positive emotions.

“Then let’s not let this be the last time,” she whispers against his lips.

A wave of relief washes over Steve as he just lays there against, their bare bodies pressed against each other as if this is always how it should’ve been. His only hope is that they can stay like this forever.

[boldlyvoid]

New Romantics | Part Four

18+

Summary: She needs help studying for her Case Exercises at the Academy, He needs a date for the annual Banquet... they just so happen to be neighbours who aren't afraid to lend a helping hand, or in this case, a helping kiss.

Categories: Fake dating, neighbours, strangers to lovers, mutual pining, Angst with a happy ending, Smut *as selected by my poll on what you wanted to read*

Warnings: Season 9 Spencer (no Maeve arc), Angst, kissing, drinking, police training mentions, case details, canon typical violence, self-doubt, autistic!spencer, age gaps (24/33), FWB relationships, anxiety attacks, crying, misunderstandings, oral sex (both), penetrative sex, Perv!Spencer low-key, public sex, quickies, multiple orgasms,

Word Count: 5k

a/n: what could possibly go wrong next?

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | epilogue

She’s been asleep barely 2 hours when he shakes her awake, “Hey, when did you need to get ready today?”

“Uh?” She sits up and rubs her eyes, “we don’t have to leave until 1 so, like 11?”

“It’s 8:30, did you want to stay and sleep more?”

She looks at him and sighs, “are we okay?”

He nods, “can we just call it even?”

“Sure,” she agrees without knowing what she did wrong. It was more than just snapping on Tuesday, which is what she was still hurt over. “But I’m going to go, I need to change and stuff.”

“Yeah,” he nods but his smile is sad and she knows she’s fucking it up more.

She gets out of his bed, once it was the warmest bed she’s ever known. Any bed she shared with him was, but now it felt cold and uninviting and there was an unspoken knowingness that they were both genuinely upset.

“I’m still your fake girlfriend for the next 24 hours… can we make them count?” She asks, avoiding eye contact so he can't see her cry if he says no.

“Come here?”

She gets back into the bed and she cuddles into his chest. He holds her for a moment, “you’ve been the best girlfriend in the whole world. Do you really still want to be friends after this? Have I fucked up that bad?”

“Oh honey,” she places a hand on his cheek and looks at him softly, “I will be your neighbour, your best friend, your co-worker, carpool buddy, coffee friend, girlfriend, whatever you need as long as you’d like to have me around.”

He remembers the first time she said that and she knows because his smile is the same. “I love you.”

It hurts, “I love you, too.”

She kisses him quickly, attempting to pull back when his fingers grip her hair and his tongue is on her lips and she’s following his lead again.

“No,” she whispers, “I can’t.”

“Oh,” he stops and his hands drop to his sides so she can get back up.

“I’m going to go get ready, but I’ll come back when I’m done?”

“Yeah,” he nods again.

It breaks her heart to get up and go, she grabs her shoes and she sneaks out of his room, finding her keys in her pocket, she opens her own door and cries the second the door closes.

She cries in the shower, she cries while fixes her hair, she cries while she has lunch. Every song reminds her of the situation, every section of her apartment reminds her of him, the stupid door where they first kissed is closed and she wishes he was stable enough to bang on it and demand an answer.

Whatever was going on between them was reaching a bubbling over point, she can only store so much emotion before she explodes on him.

As soon as she is in her dress, makeup on and ready to go, she walks into his apartment to find him struggling with his bowtie, it makes her smile for the first time since she left his room this morning, “need help?”

“Yes, please.”

She walks over to him and repeats the same movements he attempted, making the bow look pretty before smoothing her hands over his dress shirt and looking up at him. “Handsome as ever.”

“You’re always beautiful,” he compliments her right back but his voice is still as sad as the night before.

“Are you ever going to tell me what’s going on in there?” She pries, tapping his temple with her index finger, “you’re my best friend and I don’t like seeing you sad.”

“I heard what you said yesterday,” he whispers, “about how if you were just using someone you would have picked Derek.”

“And?” She doesn’t get why it’s a big deal because it makes perfect sense to her in her mind.

“And it hurt me,” he snaps, “quite a lot!?”

And the dam breaks.

“Because I proved to them that I’m not using you? Spencer do you know what I meant by that?” She snaps right back.

“What else could it mean?! Clearly I’m not hot enough for you to just fuck and toss aside—”

“I meant that I love you and that’s why I’m with you! If I was just using someone for a job then I’d fuck Derek cause he’s a one and done, toss them to the side and never see them again, kind of guy!”

“And?” He repeats her word choice in a snippy tone that makes her furious but she knows he’s just trying his best to understand her.

She sighs loudly and obnoxiously, “and you’re a take him to meet your mom, marry and have his babies, love him for the rest of your life and one day scatter his ashes, kind of lover.” Crying by the end, she wipes her tears and tries to stay somewhat presentable-looking.

He’s silent, eyes wide as he takes in all her words, “I have always loved you,” she adds, “and no matter how fucking angry I am or how stressed or upset, I am never going to stop loving you, Spencer.”

“Me either,” his tone is still just as upset, “and that's the part that sucks.”

“What do you mean?” She just poured her heart out to him and he still doesn’t get it.

“I LOVE YOU!” He screams it at her with his hands thrown in the air, “I love you more than I’ve loved anyone in my entire fucking life and it’s driving me crazy!”

“It’s driving you crazy?” She can’t help but laugh like she’s losing her mind, “I have been doing everything in my power to make you understand that I love you and you keep thinking I just want to be friends!”

“Because you said you loved me like a friend the first time?!”

“No, I fucking didn’t!” She is so frustrated she’s turning the same colour as her dress, steaming from her ears like a cartoon character.

“I asked if best friends can be in love because I wanted to see if you would say you loved me more than that, and then you fucking said “yeah cause that’s how I love you” which means you love me as a friend?!”

“Because I thought that’s what you wanted?!”

She can’t rub her eyes cause she’ll ruin her makeup but she is so mad she just wants to scream. Pressing her fingers to her own temples, she turns away from him and sighs, she loves him so much and yet this is the most frustrating thing that’s ever happened.

“You are so lucky,” she just laughs, shaking her head back and forth as she turns back to him, “you are so fuckin’ lucky.”

“Why?”

She wraps her arms around his middle and looks up into his eyes with one last sigh, “we have to go or we’ll be late, so I can’t explain all of my feelings right now, so let’s bench this conversation and I can show you just how much I love you when we get back?”

“Okay,” he nods. He rests his hands on her arms and he looks down with the softest glance, he’s still trying so hard to not cry. “I’m really sorry.”

“So am I, I should have listened to you better and explained myself more,” she whispers, “do you believe me now?”

He nods, “I told you, it’s hard for me.”

“I tried my best to be subtle so I didn’t scare you off, but I guess you really don’t do subtle?” She can’t help but laugh, “but I really do love you.”

His hands are on her cheeks, pulling her into a kiss, she melts against him. He breathes her in, it’s the longest and deepest kiss she’s ever had and she honestly feels like he’s taking her soul and making her his. She belongs to him and she knows it, now he does too.

“I love you, too.”

—

All eyes are on her and it makes him smile, she’s the only one in a red dress in a room full of black and white, she stands out like a sore thumb. She looks the most beautiful, she stands beside Spencer with her arm wrapped around his and a huge smile on her face, it makes him even happier to see her smile again.

The hardest part of fighting with her was knowing she was upset and that he was only making it worse. Seeing her smile return is everything to him, he loves her more than words can express and she loves him right back, he can tell by the way she smiles at him; because it’s exactly the same way he’s smiling at her.

“I see that you’ve made up,” Derek interrupts their current dance to say hello.

The BAU team was always so busy on nights like this, they had all the best stories and everyone wanted to hear them, which meant they typically didn’t see each other a lot for the whole night.

“We did,” Spencer smiles. “Thank’s Derek.”

She looks up at them both, confused, “how many of them know?”

“Huh?” He plays dumb but she can see right through him.

“Do they all know I’m not really your girlfriend or is it just Aaron, Derek and whoever else you told?”

“Elle,” he says her name. “I told the first girl I slept with that I was falling in love with you because I needed advice from someone who has already been with me and knows how I get.”

“Sick, cool, love that for you,” she smiles and walks away.

He grabs her and she stops, “I told you how much it hurt that I had no one to talk to and you told all of them? And you couldn’t even tell me you really loved me this whole time? I thought we were best friends Spencer?” She shakes her head, disappointed more than anything, swatting his hand off her as he reaches to stop her.

“Let her go, she’s right to be a little mad,” Derek holds him back. “let her be mad.”

“Why?” Spencer is so new to relationships he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

“She wants to be your girlfriend for real, let her calm down and then go apologize and ask her,” Derek's smile is sweet as he pulls Spencer into a hug.

It slowly becomes a dance, everyone is used to Derek being touchy with his friends, he has danced with everyone so far tonight so it’s only fair Spencer has a turn. Spencer holds him tight, eyes closed so he doesn’t have to think about all the attention he’s been getting since they arrived.

“Thank you for always being here for me,” he whispers, “but I have to go see her.”

“Fights like this just make your relationship stronger, it teaches you how she wants you to communicate, she just wants you to be honest with her, always,” he whispers with his cheek pressed to Spencer's, “and angry make-up sex is really fun.”

It makes him laugh, “thanks, but she won’t be sleeping with me for a few days, if my memory is correct then she’s mad for more than one reason.”

“Ah,” Derek gets it, “good luck my friend. Good luck.”

When Spencer pulls away, he heads in the direction Y/N left and follows the hallway as far as it goes. She’s sitting on a bench by a window, staring off at the night sky as she takes some deep breaths. She looks a little more peaceful, she’s had a really rough few weeks and he’s not making it any easier on her.

“I know two things for sure,” he speaks softly but she still jumps a little as she turns to him.

“What would they be?”

“That you’re the love of my life,” he’s confident as he sits on the bench beside her and takes her hand in his. “And I’m an idiot when it comes to love.”

“That is quite the dilemma,” she smirks, her eyes gleam as she looks at him and he knows she was trying not to cry by how glossy they are, but it makes her more beautiful, somehow.

“I’m really sorry.”

“All you have to do is tell me the truth, Spencer,” she places her hand on his leg and leans in with a whisper, “it’s really simple.”

“Truth is,” he whispers right back, lips close enough to kiss, “I’m never going to stop loving you, which means more stupid moments are in my future. Just so you know.”

She giggles and kisses him quickly, “I don’t mind being the smart one in the relationship, but you still have to ask.”

“Will you be my girlfriend and let me love you for the rest of my life, no matter how much I fuck up and drive you crazy?” He teases her, knowing she’ll say yes regardless.

“On one condition,” she can’t hide the smirk on her face and he’s nervous at what she’s thinking.

“Anything?”

“You let me love you for just as long? If not longer.”

He nods, “forever?”

She nods back before kissing him just as deeply as they did that morning, her hands in his hair as she presses his face into her’s with force. She holds him there and breathes him in, pulling back with a classic smooch sound, she smiles again, “you’re my boyfriend now.”

He nods with a small smile, “what should we do first as boyfriend and girlfriend?”

She bites her lip and pretends to think about it for a moment, “fuck in the linen closet down the hall?”

“I don’t have any condoms on me?” Is his only worry, not getting caught, not that all their bosses and superiors were there, just that he didn’t have a condom.

She pulls one out of her bra with a smile, “Savannah gave this to me about 3 minutes before you came over here.”

“How much make-up sex do they have?” He asks as he takes her hand and leads her down the hallway.

She’s giddy and smiling, her heels click on the floor as they rush to the other end of the hall and open the little door. There are shelves with towels and rolls upon rolls of silverware in cloth napkins. A vacuum in the corner, some brooms and just enough room for them.

She pulls him in closer and shuts the door, reconnecting their lips as she pushes him up against it. Hands reaching for his belt she kisses down his neck and he’s like putty in her hands as soon as she strokes him, he moans by accident and she covers his mouth with her free hand.

“Do you have any idea how turned on you make me? I have wanted to fuck you since I first saw you, 6 years ago…”

“Really?” His muffled voice behind her hand makes her laugh. She removes her hand and instead runs her fingers through his hair while taking a moment to look at him and really take it all in.

“Yeah,” she nods, “which is why I asked to sleep with you on the way home from the bar, I didn’t know if I could handle it either it, but I’ve always wanted Doctor Reid from the BAU to rail me. I just didn’t think we’d end up falling in love?”

“No one has ever admitted to having a crush on me and meant it,” he whispers.

“I’m glad I get to be one of your firsts,” she smiles again before he pulls her into another kiss.

She kisses the side of his mouth and then his jaw, down his neck and then she’s dropping to her knees in front of him. He’s hard in her hands but he twitches as he sees her like this, looking up at him with lust-blown eyes as she strokes him, she flattens her tongue and taps the tip of his cock to it.

He has to cover his own mouth or else he’s going to get them caught, he moans at the feeling, closing his eyes and that's when she takes him in her mouth. His free hand is in her hair, careful not to mess it up but enough grip to steady himself.

He tilts his head back against the door with a knock and a sign, “fuck,” he can’t help but talk into his hand which only makes it sound louder in the tight space.

She feels so good every single time and yet this one feels different, he looks down at her and she pulls off, “what’s wrong?”

“I love you,” he shrugs.

He helps her back up to her feet and she backs up against the shelves, “come here?”

He helps her hike her dress up, holding all the material up as he slips her underwear off and takes that condom back out of her bra with a single kiss to her chest. He rolls it over himself and lines up with her, her arms wrap around his shoulders as she looks at him, “show me how much you love me?”

He slides in and they don’t break eye contact as she takes him, her mouth opens in a silent gasp at the feeling, her hands grip his shoulders tighter as she steadies her ass on a shelf and wraps her legs around him while he bottoms out.

With a hand on her cheek and one on her lower back, he pulls out and thrusts back in with a smile as she bites back a moan, she pulls his face in close to hers to kiss him while he fucks her. The hand on his cheek slides down her neck, applying a small amount of pressure that makes her breathing hitch. She swallows sharply before his hand starts to trail over her breasts and then between them.

With a thumb on her clit, he fucks her a little harder while rubbing his thumb in a circle. She’s breathing heavily into his mouth, placing sloppy kisses against each other as they enjoyed each other.

She’s so close and he knows it, and then there is a knock on the door.

“Spence, we have a case when you’re done?” He hears Derek's voice behind the door and he can’t believe it.

“Okay!” He calls back without stopping, instead, he fucks into her a little faster.

“Oh!” She moans by accident before covering her mouth with a slap and wide eyes, moaning behind her hand as she bounces on his cock.

He kisses her hand, making her move it so he can press his lips back to hers and absorb all the noises she was going to make, her hands both reach for his back, gripping his suit jacket so tight he’s afraid she might rip it.

She cums with a shocked gasp, it’s as quiet as possible but it still echos around them as he gets closer and closer. He buries his face in her neck and accidentally moans as well as he cums, stilling his hips as he holds her there, sputtering his hips against hers as they catch their breath.

“I love you,” he manages to say between breaths, “that much.”

“You need to go,” she smiles.

He kisses her one last time before he pulls out, he loves the way she gasps every time he does so. She smiles after, their teeth clashing as they laugh, “I’m going to get in so much trouble.”

“I’m never going to get a job,” she shakes her head as she gets off the shelf and fixes her dress.

He takes off the condom and wraps it in some paper towel on the shelf, he’ll get rid of it later. She picks up her underwear, he thinks she puts them back on, but she really slides them into his pocket for him to find in the middle of the case when he reaches for something important...

—

She rides back to headquarters with Penelope and JJ, both of them want to ask and she knows it. Mainly because she looks like she’s had sex, and also because she asks to stop at the academy so she can get another pair of underwear from her locker.

It’s not until they’re in Penelope’s office that they ask, “what’s it like?”

“What’s what like?” She plays dumb.

“Dating Spencer?” Penelope says, “more specifically, having sex with him?” She mumbles and it makes Y/N laugh.

“In total, we’ve been having sex for 3 weeks now and I’ve had 21 orgasms, and we only really fuck on the weekends cause that’s when we’re not busy…” she grinds her teeth slightly with a raised brow, taking a deep breath, “yeah. It’s really great.”

“Holy shit?” They both look more shocked than she’s ever seen them. “How many has he had?” Penelope asks with a quiet voice, pretending she didn’t.

She laughs slightly, “like maybe 14? He’s really generous.”

“What the fuck?” JJ turns to Penelope and shakes her head and there’s something more there that Y/N can sense.

“Who’s Elle?” She asks and they both turn to her with the biggest eyes.

“How do you know about Elle?”

“She’s the first person he slept with?”

“When?” They both shout.

“So he wasn’t kidding. You guys really thought he was a virgin this whole time?” She looks at them like they’re crazy. “How?”

They both just shake their heads and sigh, stuttering and looking for words they don’t have. “We just never thought he could?”

“Snooze ya loose, I guess?” She shrugs, “so what is the case and how can I help?”

“Right! We have a case,” Penelope snaps back into it, “but seriously Elle? Are you sure you have your names right?”

“Penelope,” she looks at her seriously.

“Right, they’re headed to Roanoke.”

There was a child abduction of a 6-year-old girl, CARD and the BAU were both called out and that meant everyone was mingling on the two floors and they would use as much help as possible.

It also turns out that Anderson’s surrogate went into labour a little earlier than anyone expected; so he and his husband have left for paternity leave early. Leaving JJ without an assistant and she really needs help in the office for this one.

She catches on rather quickly, knowing the protocols from her training and she’s not afraid to ask questions. She’s still in her dress, her heels click on the tiles as she rushes around with files, making phone calls and running from the briefing room to Penelope’s office.

When they finally crack the case and apprehend the suspect, she sits down finally. It’s been 11 hours since the banquet, and she was exhausted beyond belief. She never slept the night before, Spencer was uncomfortable and she was in her jeans and when she did fall asleep, he was waking her up moments later to get ready.

It's Sunday morning at 9 am when Spencer finally returns back at headquarters. She’s sitting at his desk when he comes up and wraps his arms around her, “we’re going home, come on.”

“Don’t you have to debrief?”

“Did that on the way back,” he turns her around in the role chair and tilts her head up to look at him, she’s so tired and he can tell. “You have a big day tomorrow.”

“Ugh,” she stands up with his help, “I did enough profiling today and now I have a whole week to get through.”

“Just to come back and work here,” he smiles, “if you still want to?”

She wraps him up in a real hug and nods against him, “it’s so fun, even with all the murder.”

“Coming home to this is really nice,” he whispers before kissing her cheek quickly, “I’m glad you like it here.”

“Well, well, well,” Derek's voice is behind them. They pull away to see him smiling, arms wide as he saunters over, “if it isn’t the new romantics.”

“Did you have any suspicions?” Y/N asks, he was a profiler after all.

“I knew something was up,” he’s honest. “I knew you guys were actually doing stuff together, I just didn’t think there was so much angst behind closed doors?”

“You have no idea,” Y/N laughs, holding Spencer closer, “it took too long.”

“I thought you were fighting about the job, cause he wasn’t really upset until you were in Penelope’s office, and I heard the rumours even before he heard what you said,” Derek smiles again, “but I also knew you loved him and he loves you.”

“Correct,” she can’t help but smile. “But we really should head home.”

“Home we go,” Spencer agrees.

—

She asks him to unzip her dress the second they’re back in her apartment. She drops the dress to the floor and heads to the bathroom and he’s left alone in her room. It feels different now. He remembers kissing her in the living room for the first time like it was yesterday, he remembers the first time they had sex, the first time he said I love you, and now he’s here and she’s his girlfriend and he’s going to get to make more memories with her.

He’s so embarrassed by how much he’s been crying lately, something about being in his mid-30s was making him feel like he was about to go through menopause— he has never been very openly emotional, but it’s about time he lets himself feel. He wipes the tears and turns to face the wall while he takes his suit off.

He’s been through too much, a lot of which she doesn’t know of. She has promised him forever, whether she means it or not, and he’s worried he’s going to fuck it up before he gets there.

When she comes back, she lays a towel down on her side of the bed and gets in, “guess who got her period on her first day of work?”

“No?” He gasps, playing along with her playful mood. “At least you’re not pregnant.”

“Thank god,” she sighs, “please for the love of God, don’t get me pregnant for at least 5 years? I want a decent career first so that I don't miss much on maternity leave. I really don't want to be benched for having kids.”

He cries again and she looks so concerned as she gets out of bed and wraps her arms around him, “what did I say wrong, Spencer?”

Still facing the wall, he just lets it all out, “I’m sorry.”

“For what, sweetheart?” She attempts to soothe him by running her hands down his arms, “for crying or something else?”

“Crying,” he whispers and she turns him around then.

“Hey,” she looks up at him with the softest expression he’s ever seen, “you are allowed to have emotions, you are allowed to show them and ask for help and tell me when you need something. I’m not going to think you’re too much, or I can’t handle you or think of you as a burden. I know that’s how you feel because it’s how I fell, and we don’t need to go through that together.”

“I love you,” it’s the only thing that feels right to say.

“I love you,” she repeats it, “what made you cry?”

“Can we get in bed first?”

“Yeah, finish getting ready and then come tell me,” she whispers before reaching up and pressing a kiss to his lips.

He slips away to go to the bathroom, brushing his teeth and washing his face. He’s exhausted but he doesn’t want to miss any time with her. He hurries back to her side, getting into bed in his underwear and making sure both his phones are on the night table, charged and ready if they need him.

But until then, he belonged to her.

“Are you sure you don’t want to sleep?” It’s the first thing he asks because he knows she has a big day tomorrow. “It can wait.”

“What’s that thing you say about intermittent sleep is actually better?”

“Don’t use my words against me, I do that so people don’t stop me from doing what I think I deserve,” he’s truthful. “I’m not going to ever lie or fib to you again. I hate myself, and if I don’t feel like I’ve done enough I won't sleep or eat sometimes.”

“I do that too,” she’s not proud, “are you trying to tell me you cried cause you’re hungry or tired?”

“No,” he smiles, “but thank you for asking for clarification, I like this new system.”

“Me too.”

“I cried because I really love you and I’m realizing this is all real and I’m going to get to make good memories with you, and when you said kids, even in a hypothetical sense, it made it feel real for me,” he whispers the words before pressing his lips together awkwardly.

She glows in the lap light like she did that first night, “it’s a weird concept, isn’t it? The future. At some point I’m going to have known you longer than anyone, one day we’ll have lived with each other longer than we’ve lived apart. We might be grandparents together one day? It’s all weird to think about.”

“Do you seriously want all that with me?” He’s asking because he has another question to ask right after.

“Yes, Spencer,” she laughs. “I really do.”

“Would you like to Marry me?”

“Seriously?” Her eyes widen and her jaw drops and he’s never seen her look this stunned before.

He nods, “my mom isn’t going to able to appreciate my wedding the longer I wait, and if you really mean it; I’d like to have a wedding with my mom there while she remembers me.”

“I know her birthday is coming up, but can we bring her here instead?”

“Why?”

“My parents decided to drive from Salam to here for my graduation and use the flight money on a nice Airbnb for the week. We should do it while they’re all here because I don’t know when they’d be able to come back,” she has had the same worries about her parents missing her life.

“I’ll ask my mom,” he smiles. “So we’re getting married?”

“in like a week,” she laughs, “oh fuck, how are we going to do that in a week?”

He rolls over and grabs his personal phone, he dials a number and she looks even more confused now.

“Hey Penelope, how fast can you plan a wedding?”

~

Permanent tag list:

@g0lden-cth @doctorspenceryeet @samuel-de-champagne-problems @reiding-recs @ssavanessa22 @spookyspence @shemarmooresfedora @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @blanchardsbk @idonotexiste @measure-in-pain @dreams-in-blxck @doc-padfoot @nomajdetective @xoxomgg @mggswhorificlover @dinonuggets1967 @Meganskane @gubeskneescrew

New Romantics:

@bunny-script @ficsrecsforhrnybitches @ne--yo-pets @rexorangecouny @valerieweasley @beepbooptoop @coldlilheart @andiebeaword @anonymous-reading

[thehiddenmemoryuniverse]

Lucifer Ending: Tragedy and Contradiction

Okay, so I tried really hard to resist the urge to post anything about it, and I even held out for over a week trying to process/calm my feelings about the ending to Lucifer. I’ve tried, I really have, but the more I try, the more I CANNOT rationalize that ending. As you may have guessed, I absolutely hated the ending, and I just really, really, have to get my feelings out about it. If you liked the ending (I really wish I could be you!!), you may want to skip reading any further (I recommend you do, in fact). 

Ultimately, regardless of the details, that ending for Chloe/Lucifer is just way too heartbreakingly tragic and sad, however, this is made all the more unbearable because none of it makes ANY damn sense.  

I’m just going to start by pasting a bunch of quotes first:

2x05

Lucifer: I refuse to believe that. There is always another way.

Mum: If anyone can find it, it's you.

2x02 Chloe: “Doing what's best for your child, it doesn't always make them happy.”

3x16

Cain: But you're the Devil, you always keep your word.

Lucifer: I do. So I hope you understand how difficult a decision this was. And yet, oddly, the easiest I've ever made.

6x01

Lucifer: I love you, Chloe Decker. I'd do anything for you. Except give you up. Give us up.

6x09

Lucifer: I need you to know that if there is any choice to be had at all, I will always... choose us.

6x07

Rory: You make choices, Mom. If I told you what they are, you wouldn't really be making them any more.

Yeah. Not going to comment further on these right now. 

Nor am I going to even get into the whole fate vs free will. Regardless of your views on that debate, why on earth a show about free will spends its final season spotlighting the widespread, controversial debate of fate vs free will by introducing a time loop plot, I’ll never understand. 

But even if we forget the numerous issues/contradictions with that (and the ridiculous irony of Rory’s quote shown above), and accept that Lucifer and Chloe chose this, I honestly feel like screaming because WHY??? Why on earth would they EVER want to chose this? 

I know the 2 reasons given, the reasons everyone is speaking up with, the reasons expanded on at length in fanfiction, and I’ve tried really, REALLY hard to rationalize them in my head, tried to enjoy the sweet moments fanfic writers are trying to make of it, but I cannot. Because it doesn’t make any damn sense whatsoever to me.

Reason # 1: Lucifer never would’ve realized his ‘calling’ to help tortured souls in Hell.  

Right. First of all, if it really is his ‘calling’ he would figure it out eventually because that’s what a bloody calling is. I mean really. Not to mention there was plenty of evidence that he was figuring it out already, and him figuring it out after actually helping people in hell (Jimmy, Dan, Mr. Said out bitch), makes way more sense than stopping someone from making the mistake of killing someone else.

And second, even if we accept the argument that he wouldn’t find his calling, we are then saying that he chose his ‘calling’ over his own family, the people he loves most of all? That’s beyond awful to me. And pretty much destroys all of the growth and beauty and love and development across the series. A complete contradiction to even earlier in series 6. See above quotes. Lucifer tells Chloe he’d do anything for her, except give her up, give them up. He tells her if there’s ever any choice to be had he would chose them (his family). So, what the heck? Which leads me to reason 2, and beware with continuing because this is UNBEARABLY frustrating to me so I may get a bit heated. I just can’t. I can’t understand this.  Reason #2: They did it for their daughter, because she asked them to, because she didn’t want them to change her, because she’s happy with who she is, etc, etc..

This is the most widely accepted reason, the most referenced in fanfic, that it’s so beautiful because Lucifer and Chloe sacrificed everything for their daughter because they loved her so much.

I’m sorry, I really am, I tried so hard to make sense of this but it makes the least sense to me of all. 

Why on EARTH is Rory growing up without her father better for her? Why on earth would Lucifer, of all people, knowing the pain it causes, ever chose that for his daughter?

This is not sacrificing for their daughter, this is sacrificing for NOTHING at all. This is doing the ABSOLUTE worst for their daughter, all because she asked them to?

And her asking them to in the first place makes no sense either. Why on earth would Rory ASK for it after all the pain it caused her? Earlier she told Lucifer and Chloe that him leaving ‘ruined her life’, and now all of a sudden she’s happy with it? After seeing and reading how much Lucifer and Chloe loved each other she wants to separate them? After saying she now loves Lucifer too she wants to do that to him? And you can’t tell me it’s her being selfless because she thinks he won’t find his ‘calling’ otherwise, because even if he doesn’t (which he would for reasons above), then again we are saying they are choosing a ‘calling’ over family, over those they love most. Or, even worse, Rory, is choosing FOR HIM and ROBBING him of his choice to chose his family over his ‘calling’. 

No matter what way you spin it, it is just all kinds of wrong and messed up, and does not showcase the love the characters have for each other, nor the freedom of choice.

There’s nothing beautiful about any of this to me. It’s just plain awful and cruel for NO REASON. 

Yes, I know I’m missing one popular theme with all of this, and I might just hate this one most of all: That even though Rory suffered it made her stronger, she’s proud of who she is, and they don’t want to change her, don’t want to ‘kill’ this version of Rory who grew up without her dad. 

No. Just no. This pains me immensely. So we’re saying that she’s a better person having grown up without a Dad than she would’ve been growing up with a complete, loving family? That people who grow up with loving families can’t be as strong and proud of who they are? WTF? 

Sure, we as people are only strong in life when we need to be but that doesn’t mean that someone who grew up more fortunate doesn’t still have the capacity for that strength (or that they don’t suffer in other ways).

Yeah, it’s beautiful when you grew up abandoned and were able to eventually overcome it, but in reality you’ll always be scarred to some degree, and you certainly would have been less messed up, happier if you hadn’t.

Changing the time loop so that Rory could grow up with her father in her life wouldn’t ‘kill’ her. Fundamentally she’d still be the same, still would have grown up with her ‘kickass’ mom. All the good parts would still be there. There would just be even more good and much less of the bad.

How on earth would Chloe and Lucifer not want to chose that?

There is no way anyone can ever convince me that you come out better growing up abandoned by your father than you would have if he hadn’t. Just no.

We are strong and proud to overcome something only when WE HAVE NO CHOICE. CHOOSING to suffer just to show how great you are afterward for overcoming it when you could have chosen NOT to suffer at all, is just the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. 

It reminds me of a quote from one of my childhood movies, the original “Lion King.’ Little Simba tells his dad he went looking for danger to show that he’s brave, and his dad answers, “I’m only brave when I have to be.” 

So.  Circling back. Ignoring the debate on whether or not there was even a choice given (fate vs free will and ridiculous time loops). Ignoring that Lucifer likely (and should have) been able to find his ‘calling’ anyway. 

Then, in summary, we are left with Lucifer (and Chloe) ‘choosing’ for Lucifer to leave them for Hell, abandoning them both (and Trixie) because either

1) Lucifer’s calling is more important than being with his family

2) Rory wants to suffer, to let her parents suffer an unimaginable amount of pain, just to show that she comes out better for it, even when she can choose not to suffer at all. And Chloe and Lucifer are both in agreement that this is best for them and their daughter. 

What. The. Hell???!!

I’m sorry, but there’s no rationale for this. None. At. All. 

I’ll be the first to admit that I would never be happy with such a devastatingly heartbreaking ending no matter what the reasons, but, HOLY HELL, can they at least have had it make even the smallest amount of SENSE?! 

It’s just angst for the sake of angst, and I especially did not expect this from this show. It was always a show not to be taken too seriously, not to overthink and just have fun with, and that’s what made it work for me. But then they decide it’s a good idea to 1) throw in a time loop plot when time loops in fiction is pretty much the definition of serious complexity and making viewers overthink. And 2) have it end with such a tragic and sad ending that makes no sense. I am so sick and tired of the trend now days that shows can’t have happy endings.

(Edit: Now look what happened. I’ve gone and made another rant: https://thehiddenmemoryuniverse.tumblr.com/post/663357629901438976/lucifer-morningstars-broken-journey)

[tripleaxeldiaz]

elmosolyodni for the wordstuck prompts 💕

elmosolyodni: to slowly break out into a genuine smile when being overcome with emotions, like love or utter happiness.

read on ao3

As much as he wanted it to be, as much as he wanted it for himself, Eddie’s never been great at romance. 

His proposal to Shannon was more like a suggestion, a stuttering statement that tumbled out of him when she showed him the positive test six months after their first date. And he didn’t give it much thought again — didn’t have time to think about it — until a couple months into his tour, when his team was swapping stories about wives and husbands over dinner and someone asked, “So Diaz, how’d you pop the question?”

The fact that he didn’t have a story to tell stung more than he thought it would.

He tried to make it up to her — bought her flowers when he was home, took her out for their anniversary every year, but between parenthood and redeployment and the growing chasm between them when he came back the second time, any notion of romance felt harder and harder to hold onto. And when she left, amid the panic and shame and anger, there was also a sadness, a resignation that the romance he’d quietly craved just wasn’t meant for him. He had bills to pay, a kid to take care of, a life to rebuild. Sweeping gestures from him or for him no longer seemed important.

That all changed when he met Buck, as most things in his life did.

Even before they started dating, Eddie wanted to do things for Buck. He wanted to buy him the shirt in the window display that reminded him of his eyes, wanted to make sure that they always had his weird Icelandic yogurt in the fridge for when he stayed over, wanted to wrap him up when he got that broken look on his face and remind him that he is loved by everyone and especially by Eddie. It was a physical need, one he felt in his gut every time, but he’d shut that part of himself off so firmly that all he could do was hope it didn’t linger too long. Buck needed a friend, and he’d be damned if he did anything stupid enough to ruin what they already had, what they’d already built.

It took a bullet ripping through his abdomen to make him realize what a terrible idea that had been.

But a year later wounds are healed, PT is long done, and he wakes up next to Buck every morning feeling happier than he has in almost a decade. He gets to buy the shirt for him, stock up on yogurt, and press himself into Buck’s space until his eyes get their spark back. He can fantasize about the house they’ll buy or the dogs they’ll adopt once Chris moves out.

He can see a titanium ring in the display case of the jewelry store at the mall and perfectly imagine what it would look like on Buck’s finger.

And he can make it all the way to his truck after buying it before the panic starts to set it.

He doesn’t register driving to Maddie and Chim’s until he’s frantically knocking on the door, hoping he heard Buck right and that Maddie’s off today taking care of a sick Jee-yun. The door flies open, and he sees Maddie’s face go from pissed to surprised to confused as she zeros in on the velvet box held limply in his hand.

“Uh, Eddie, that’s really sweet, but there are a lot of reasons why this would never work.”

His laugh is borderline hysterical as he gently pushes into the apartment. “It’s for Buck, but I— we haven’t really— I don’t even know if—” He doesn’t realize he’s pacing until Maddie takes his elbow and steers him to the couch, hands him a glass of water, and pushes him to sit.

“Breathe. Drink,” she says, and he does as his mind keeps spinning. She sets the empty glass on the coffee table and sits in the armchair across from him. “Okay. You want to propose. That’s a good thing, right?”

“Of course.” It’s the best thing, at the very top of a list of things he thought were untoppable.

“Have you guys talked about getting married?”

It wasn’t so much a conversation as a shift in language — one day the phrase “if we get married” changed to “when we get married” and neither of them thought twice about it because it felt so right.

“Sort of,” he settles on.

“And you’re sure he’d say yes?”

“Yes.” There’s few things in life he’s ever been so sure of, no matter what his earlier panic was making him think.

“So what’s the problem?”

He slumps back on the couch, hands running through his hair. “I don’t know how to do it.”

Maddie squints at him. “Eddie, it’s a pretty hard thing to mess up. And you’ve already been married, so don’t you have some practice?”

“That was different,” he says. “Shannon was already pregnant, it was more like a to-do list item than anything else. I didn’t even get her a ring until a couple months later.”

“Well you’re already a step ahead there, so that’s good.”

He sighs, pulling the ring box out of his pocket again and opening it. The thin line of silver running through the black glints in the sunlight, and he can still picture Buck wearing it so clearly, he’s just not sure how it gets there. All he knows is this aching need he can feel in his chest to make sure that however he does it, it’s enough — more than enough — that Buck knows exactly how deep his love runs, exactly how desperately Eddie needs him in his life and by his side.

Maddie moves to sit next to him and takes the box, and Eddie falls back into the cushions again. “I just want it to be perfect for him,” he says quietly. “Romantic. All the stuff people dream about when they think about getting engaged. But I have no idea how to do that.”

Maddie studies the ring for a minute before shutting the box, pressing it into his hand until he looks her in the eye. Her gaze is steady, piercing, and very (scarily) reminiscent of her brother’s. “You are asking him to marry you. It’s already perfect.” The reassurance helps, and it’s easy to smile back at her when she squeezes his hand. 

“But,” she says, reaching for a pen and notebook on the coffee table, “a little romance never killed anyone, so let’s make some lists and figure out what you do and don’t want to do.”

Lists sound good. Eddie can work with lists.

“Rule number one,” she says, already scribbling, “no sporting events. Nothing kills the mood faster than seeing your face on a Jumbotron…”

~~~~~~~~~~

In the end, none of the lists really matter.

Because two weeks later, they’re sitting on the back patio after dinner, night air cool and lit up around them by the lights Chris insisted on hanging for his last backyard sleepover. Buck’s going on about a patient who tried to insist he could do CPR on himself, and Eddie’s hypnotized by his enthusiasm, the expressiveness of his hands and the joyful blush on his cheeks. He says something that makes both of them laugh, bubbling through the quiet of the neighborhood, and Eddie knows, immediately and with every part of him.

He has to ask Buck now. It’s not the candlelit dinner and walk on the beach he’d decided on with Maddie, nor is it even close to as big and bold as anything else they’d come up with. But none of that matters now because his skin is buzzing and his heart is pounding and he doesn’t want the ring burning in his pocket a minute longer — he wants to swear himself to Buck right here, in this moment that is extraordinarily ordinary and perfectly them. This is a story he wants to tell people over and over, to their family and friends and anyone else who will listen.

The universe must still be trying to make up for the hell it put him through last year, because the playlist coming through their portable speaker changes to something softer, romantic, and Eddie takes his chance before he talks himself out of it.

“Dance with me,” he says, standing and offering his hand to Buck. 

“I’m sorry, are my stories boring?” Buck laughs as he takes his hand, folding into Eddie’s space like he’s always meant to be there, arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him close.

“Never,” Eddie says, and he pauses, because the one thing he and Maddie didn’t talk about was what he actually wanted to say to Buck when he asked. And now that he’s here with very little preparation, the huge, all-encompassing feelings he has for Buck refuse to be wrangled into a few measly sentences. None of the words he can think of feel big enough to capture how deeply his love runs, and he can feel his skin start buzzing for a much more unpleasant reason.

Hands squeeze his waist, zoning him back in and focusing him on Buck, on the crease between his eyebrows and the worry around his mouth. “Everything okay?” he asks, because he always knows when Eddie gets lost in himself, sometimes even before Eddie figures it out. 

Buck knows him better than he knows himself. He doesn’t need big, poetic monologues for Buck to understand what’s going on inside his head.

The buzzing changes again, fueling his determination as he slips his hand into his pocket. “I love you. So much it’s almost scary. But I’m more scared of spending the rest of my life without you,” he holds the ring up between them, “so will you marry me?”

Buck freezes, stopping them both from swaying with the music. Eddie watches his eyes flit between the ring and Eddie and back again, holding his breath as he waits for an answer. Finally, Buck’s eyes lock on Eddie and stay there, a soft smile growing and growing until it’s so incandescently bright that Eddie’s afraid he might have to look away or risk losing his vision.

And then, just as quickly, Buck drops his hands from Eddie’s waist and runs back into the house.

Eddie honestly isn’t sure what to make of this, the only thought running through his head being what the fuck just happened here. But then Buck’s running back outside, still smiling and not-so-secretly holding something behind his back, and now it’s Eddie’s turn to glow.

“You’re joking,” he says quietly, cheeks already hurting from a smile that feels permanent and eyes feeling a little wet.

Buck shakes his head, his eyes shining too as he holds up the velvet box. “Bought it like a month ago when Chris and I went to buy him a new backpack, I had to bribe him with a new video game to keep him quiet. I haven’t even gotten a chance to tell Maddie yet.”

Eddie wouldn’t be surprised if the sheer amount of joy coursing through his veins was making him float a couple inches off the ground. “Is that a yes then?” he asks.

Buck’s laugh is loud and sharp, and Eddie can’t think of a more perfect sound. He takes the ring out and tosses the box aside, holding it up next to the one in Eddie’s hand. “Only if you’ll marry me too.”

It’s a flurry, then, of rings on fingers and breathless kisses and whispers of I love you, I love you so much. The whirlwind settles and they start swaying to the music again, holding each other even closer, and Eddie revels in the new weight on his hand that ties them together. He feels light and loved, completely enveloped in this romance that he’s finally able to give fully and receive just as well. 

Buck takes his hand and places a kiss just below his ring, and Eddie knows this is just the beginning. They have a lifetime of love and happiness ahead of them, and Eddie finally feels like he deserves it.

[plus-size-reader]

Bowers Gang; Love HC

Henry:

He does not take it well at first. Henry Bowers has no interest in being in love, and he certainly doesn’t want anyone else to know about it. He has an image to uphold in Derry and can’t have anyone ruining that. Though, avoiding his feelings for you doesn’t last very long for him. Even with as stubborn and determined as he is, Henry isn’t ready to live without you. There are very few people Henry cares for at all, but at the top of that criminally short list, is you. He knows that and isn’t willing to lose you, especially not when it can be avoided.

~Isn’t super verbal about his feelings for you in the way of physically telling you that he loves you. Unless he’s being vulnerable, like when he’s having a rough night with Butch and needs you for comfort, then he might let it slip.

~Henry’s the kind of person who would do anything for the person he loves, even if he would never admit it.

~Does change a little when he realizes the depth of his feelings for you. Once he knows this isn’t just some passing fling or something to occupy his time, he’s different. He’s a little softer with you, and puts in some more effort to be a good partner.

~But not too much, Henry is still Henry at the end of the day. His feelings are the most important in his mind, and while he makes room to include you in that, and put you first, it isn’t always going to work that way.

~As always, anyone who talks about you at all is gonna have to deal with him, but there’s a bit of wiggle room now. Even though he would never admit it, being with you has softened his anger quite a bit and he’s more likely to just walk away before starting a fight.

~All in all, Henry having someone to love that genuinely loves him back and wants what’s best for him would be brand new for the male but certainly for the better.

~He would find some comfort in you, and your real love that he’d never had before, which is really why he loves you in the first place.

Patrick

Is pretty impressed with himself at first, to be completely honest. He doesn’t have many feelings at all to begin with, and doesn’t really know how to be romantic or sweet in the traditional sense. However, that doesn’t mean he ignores you completely or anything like that, it’s just different. Being in love with Patrick Hockstetter would be unlike any other relationship you’d ever had, but he wasn’t a bad partner, he just isn’t dotting like others may be. He’s had people in his life that care about him in the form of his parents and his brother as a kid, but that isn’t Patrick’s problem.

~He isn’t like Henry where he’s been neglected and abused, in fact, Patrick is the neglectful party in most cases. Feeling anything for anyone is new for him, but he doesn’t feel the need to question why he cares for you, he just does.

~Speaking of his love, it looks more like letting you wear his ring on a chain around your neck or shoving his hand into the back pocket of your jeans as you walked.

~It was less outward “I love yours” and more “if that guy looks at you again, I’ll remove his eyes and shove them down his throat”

~Being in love with Patrick would most certainly involve fighting, pretty frequently but not in an all out angry sort of way. He just likes to push your buttons to see how you’ll react and sometimes he goes too far.

~He loves getting a rise out of you.

~Unlike Henry, Pat would have no problem letting the entire world know that he was in love with you. In fact, he would actively encourage that everyone knows just how much you mean to him so that they keep their distance.

~If you thought you belongs to him before, after he realizes the depth of his feelings for you, there is no doubting that. He’s constantly all over you, and wants everyone to see it.

Belch

Literally doesn’t even realize that he’s in love with you, until he accidentally tells you mid conversation. Though as soon as he does, Belch is giddy like a schoolgirl. He feels really connected to you, and cares about you in a way that doesn’t exactly come naturally to him with other people. He is pretty closed off, in general, and doesn’t routinely let people in but it really is easy with you. With you, he can just exist, which is something new for Belch with all the expectations that are normally placed on him. In fact, part of the reason he loves you so much is how caring you are and how simple being with you is.

~Belch has never been in love before, and isn’t super sure how to go about it, which would make him a little weird and cagey at first. He isn’t sure if you love him back or if he made a huge mistake in saying it out loud

~Thankfully, before he can have a colossal freak out, you assure him that your feelings match his which changes his outlook completely.

~Almost immediately, the strange panic he’d gone through a moment prior was gone and he was grinning again, happier than he had been in a really long time.

~Belch is huge on PDA and would definitely hold your hand all day, constantly, just to feel closer to you. He doesn’t ever want to be without you and would definitely be the kind of boyfriend to pout like crazy every time you had to go home.

~The most wholesome relationship ever.

~Belch would gladly show you off to the entire world, mostly because he managed to get a girl like you who he loves more than anyone else. You are incredible and he’s proud of his feelings for you.

~The rest of the Bowers gang are sort of jealous, because its clear that what you two have is real, and you care about each other a lot.

Victor:

Honestly, Victor isn’t shocked. He isn’t super open about his feelings, or anything for that matter, but that’s different with you. If he was ever going to be in love with someone, it isn’t a huge surprise that it would be you. You have the biggest heart of anyone he’s ever known and deep down, he knows that he is always your first priority which is new for him. You put him first all the time and that makes it almost impossible to not be in love with you. Vic has a lot of feelings, and while he might not know how to express them, he definitely doesn't have a problem with understanding how he could have ever fallen for you.

~Vic is afraid to tell you how he feels at first, and knowing him, you would definitely beat him to it. I feel like he would just wait for you to bring it up to make sure you're on the same page.

~Though, once you've gotten it all together and come to terms with the fact that you're both in love with one another, it would be really good.

~The two of you know how to talk to each other and almost complete one another in a way that Victor definitely needs.

~Wouldn’t want anyone to know about his feelings for you not because he’s ashamed or anything like that, but because he just wants it to be the two of you. He doesn’t feel like it's anyone else's business.

~He's perfectly happy with it just being the two of you in your own little world for a while, and you aren't really going to argue with that.

~Vic is really private about his relationship with you around other people but when the two of you are alone, you're always attached at the hip. You're never too far away from one another, and he likes it that way.

~This boy loves you more than anything, basically.

[wizardcommune]

you’re taking recs? for economos?? with male reader??? I AM ON MY KNEES. I AM SCREECHING. THANK YOU. IM SCREAMING oh my god finally finally some content about my malewife.

could i pls get an economos x male reader w the fluff prompt “i’ll kiss you right now to prove i don’t feel anything for you” but the kiss does the exact opposite”

(from the friends to lovers prompt list <3

@lunaticsandidiots

pairing - john economos x male reader

a/n - i always get nervous opening requests but yours watered my crops and fed my chickens im going insane. economos is gay and underrated and i will prove it in this essay

i hope he's in character; i haven't written in. so long.

warnings - cursing

word count - 1.1k

after pulling quite a few all-nighters working for waller on the new force, economos pitched in and bought a mini fridge. it was typically stocked full of red bulls and chocolate (to which murn had questioned him relentlessly on why the hell he would keep chocolate in the fridge; economos looked scandalized because "why wouldn't i keep chocolate in the fridge") but after a few weeks the others started keeping more permanent staples. a small kitchen was unintentionally set up in one of the empty rooms, mainly consisting of extra panda express chopsticks, paper plates, a toaster, and a single "cutting board" adrian sawed from a floorboard to everyone's horror.

every once in a while when the team was expected to stay in for a long period, chris could be found cutting bagels with his keys (and in one case, one of adrian's literal military-grade knives). adebayo banned him from the kitchen. after that, adrian would leave with him fairly often to eat out.

adebayo herself didn't use the "kitchen" very often, mainly going out to eat and coming back smelling distinctly of italian food (or home-cooked food, if she went to see her wife. she never said it's where she was going, but she always looked substantially happier.)

murn didn't use it either for... obvious reasons.

no one knew when or where harcourt ate. honestly, she went out to eat more than anyone but didn't say as she didn't want chris following on her heels.

that left you and economos. the two of you stayed in the most, practically held at gunpoint to do whatever project they needed to be done before a mission the next day, ranging from two-minute powerpoints to literally altering police records.

this was one of those days. you hadn't looked anywhere remotely near a clock in four hours, but it was probably bordering three in the morning. between your exhaustion and the music economos was blasting in hopes of keeping the both of you awake, you didn't realize his chair was empty until you got up. assuming he was in the bathroom, you stretched, wincing at the noise, and made your way to the kitchen. you stopped short.

"what the fuck are you making?"

the man himself was hunched over the table, mixing together a concoction of mountain dew, red bull, and something from a bag. your jaw dropped further as he set it down and you realized it was doritos.

"what the hell, man?"

adjusting his glasses, he straightened up and looked slowly between you and the fucking abomination he was about to eat.

"listen-"

"is that soup?"

his mouth opened and closed for a second before he heaved a sigh and rubbed his eyes.

"dude, look, i-- stop laughing at me-- i was going to try and eat it all before you came in. i wasn't planning on making you look at it," he tried to amend.

"is that supposed to make me feel better? i think you've ruined my whole week, actually. what kind of fucking atrocity..." you trailed off, shoulders shaking with laughter.

"don't call it an atrocity, man! it's rancid, but it helps me get through all-nighters!"

"if this is what you come up with when you haven't slept in twenty-two hours, i'm considering lacing your soda with nyquil. what else did you even put in it?"

you shook your head, standing behind him to look over his shoulder at the bowl. he stayed silent, watching you with a sheepish grin.

"jesus christ."

economos fucking laughed.

"what, you want a taste?"

"dear god; i can't look away. it's like watching a car crash. is that captain fucking crunch? i bought that out of the kindness of my heart so you wouldn't starve in the mornings, and you used it for your sick amalgamation? i feel betrayed, actually. have fun working alone; i'm transferring to do fieldwork. god."

the two of you were fully laughing now, leaning on each other so you wouldn't fall over from exhaustion. when it died off, you flushed, suddenly realizing how close the two of you were. economos was still staring at you with a grin.

"do you want some?"

your knee-jerk reaction would be to say no. of course it fucking would be. so maybe it was the exhaustion, or listening to music at 500 decibels for nine hours, or the way he was smiling so pretty at you like he knew what your response would be, because you gave him a deep frown.

"fuck it. i need to know what you've been eating behind my back for god knows how long."

his grin widened and he rushed to grab another bowl, quickly pouring you a very generous amount and passing it over. he bowed, sweeping an arm towards you as you took it.

"your sustenance."

"dork."

and you took a sip.

it was silent for a solid minute as you stared at him.

"what the fuck?"

it was like a punch to the face. your heart was beating wildly, and while that was expected being around economos, this was. more so.

"how much red bull did you put in this?"

"...a lot."

"christ."

but you took another drink, scrunching your nose as you bit down on a piece of cereal.

"this is triggering all of my sensory issues. all the alarms are going off. i feel like i just contracted every disease."

he laughed.

"it's good, right?"

"no? yes? fuck, why is it good? it's rancid but i'm still drinking it. i hate this experience."

you set the bowl back down in disgust, and after a moment you shook your head.

"actually, no, the aftertaste is pretty awful. this sucks. i think the only reason i even agreed is that i like you. i wish i could take back the last five minutes."

you didn't even realize what you said, enraptured by the hell that was his soup. it didn't click until you looked up and his face was beet red.

"you like me?"

your face matched his in a matter of seconds. you felt like you were in middle school.

"no, i-- no! i meant like. no. damn."

but he wouldn't wipe that stupid smile off his face, staring at you.

"you like me."

"no! dude, i will literally kiss you right now to prove i don't feel anything for you."

he was holding your elbow, now, beaming.

"definitely."

"...yeah."

and he ducked down. both of you had to hold in your laughter as to not ruin the kiss, but you could feel the curve of his mouth against yours. you held him close, running a hand gently through his hair as he wrapped an arm around your waist.

you weren't very persuasive.

[bloody-bee-tea]

Xichengclipse 2021 Day 4

Enemies

It could have been a nice evening off, Jiang Cheng thinks longingly with a sigh when Wei Wuxian’s chatter reaches his ear. A nice, relaxing evening with just him and Lan Xichen but of course it’s not meant to happen.

“They are here to report back from the night hunt,” Lan Xichen apologetically says as he gets up and he doesn’t sound any happier than Jiang Cheng feels. “It will be quick,” he promises and presses a kiss to Jiang Cheng’s forehead when he passes him.

“Hopefully,” Jiang Cheng grumbles, because he doesn’t get enough time with Lan Xichen as it is, and to have the precious little time he does get interrupted by Wei Wuxian of all people just makes him mad.

He could go out with Lan Xichen as well to yell at Wei Wuxian, but he doesn’t particularly want to see him, and truth be told, he’s not ready for the world to know that he and Lan Xichen are courting.

Betrothed, really.

Jiang Cheng is still waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Lan Xichen to wake up and realize that Jiang Cheng is really not who he wants to spend the rest of his life with, but so far it hasn’t happened.

So far, Lan Xichen seems honestly delighted every time his gaze falls on to Jiang Cheng and it makes something very warm and very pleased settle in Jiang Cheng’s belly.

Jiang Cheng shakes himself out of his musings when Wei Wuxian’s voice reaches him again.

“Xichen-ge!” he yells excitedly and that’s another broken rule.

Sometimes Jiang Cheng wonders how the Lans can put up with him.

“Wei Wuxian,” Lan Xichen greets him and his voice is noticeably colder.

So much so that Jiang Cheng sits up, ready to go out and check what is upsetting his fiancé so much.

“Wangji,” Lan Xichen goes on and then there’s a very awkward pause.

It makes Jiang Cheng squirm and he’s not even out there.

“You are not welcome here,” Lan Xichen then says and Jiang Cheng frowns.

Is there someone else with them? Surely Lan Xichen did not just say that to his brother or his brother-in-law.

“Xichen-ge,” Wei Wuxian whines and it’s so familiar that Jiang Cheng can’t help the little quirk of his mouth.

“No. He is not welcome in the Cloud Recesses and you all know it.”

“Wen Ning didn’t do anything!” Wei Wuxian protests and Jiang Cheng tenses.

Of course it would be Wen Ning, he’s following Wei Wuxian around like a lost little puppy. Jiang Cheng has to remind himself to unclench his hand, otherwise he might break one of Lan Xichen’s favourite tea cups and while he’s at it, he takes a deep breath, too.

He can still hear Wen Ning’s accusatory tone as he reveals the secret of his core to him; as if it’s all Jiang Cheng’s fault. As if anyone asked him about it and he decided to simply take Wei Wuxian’s core.

It still leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

“And that is the only reason he’s allowed in the area at all,” Lan Xichen gives back, his voice still cold and hard.

Jiang Cheng isn’t used to hearing him like this.

“But he is not allowed inside the Cloud Recesses. And if you don’t leave, you will be made to leave.”

“Brother,” Lan Wangji tries, but it seems like Lan Xichen isn’t having it.

“No. You know the rules. If he apologizes, I might consider it, but otherwise he has no place here. You’re all disturbing my evening. Hand in the report tomorrow,” Lan Xichen says, which is borderline rude coming from him, and then he’s already back in the Hanshi.

“What’s going on?” Jiang Cheng asks when he sees the unhappy look on Lan Xichen’s face.

“Nothing,” Lan Xichen gives back, as he sits back down, smiling when Jiang Cheng pours him another cup of tea.

“That didn’t sound like nothing,” Jiang Cheng tries again, because Lan Xichen is clearly upset and Jiang Cheng finds that he just wants to make it better somehow.

Lan Xichen works his jaw for a few moments, before he finally sighs and forces himself to relax.

“It’s an ongoing issue,” he eventually admits. “Wen Ning knows he’s not welcome here, and yet Wei Wuxian and Wangji drag him here nearly every other day.”

“What did Wen Ning do?” Jiang Cheng forces himself to ask, wondering how he could have possibly upset Lan Xichen like this, but Lan Xichen shakes his head.

“Let’s not talk about it anymore, tonight was supposed to be a relaxing evening. Thinking about that is not relaxing to me,” he admits and Jiang Cheng is unable to deny him this.

“Okay,” he agrees and reaches for Lan Xichen’s hand to press a kiss to the back of it. “How’s Lan Jingyi doing?” he asks to distract him and when Lan Xichen’s face lights up, he knows he did well.

He hopes to always make Lan Xichen smile like this.

~*~*~

Jiang Cheng is on his way to pick Lan Xichen up at the front entrance—not that he should still need to do that with how frequently Lan Xichen visits these days, but he seems to be enjoying it and who is Jiang Cheng to deny him this—when he hears voices.

It takes Jiang Cheng a moment to realize that one of them is Lan Xichen, because he sounds angry. Angrier than Jiang Cheng has ever heard him before.

“How dare you come here?” Lan Xichen demands to know and Jiang Cheng makes sure to stay out of sight for now, too curious to see what is going on to make Lan Xichen sound like this.

“Xichen-ge,” Wei Wuxian says and Jiang Cheng frowns.

Wei Wuxian is not coming by often, but he is in fact welcome at Lotus Pier when he remembers that it still exists.

Jiang Cheng has half a mind stepping in now, because he doesn’t want Lan Xichen to ruin the little bit of civility he rebuild with Wei Wuxian, but when he peers around the corner, he sees that Wen Ning is with Wei Wuxian.

Because of course he is. It seems like these days Wei Wuxian doesn’t go anywhere without Wen Ning, and bitter hatred rushes through Jiang Cheng.

“No,” Lan Xichen says and he doesn’t take his eyes off Wen Ning. “After everything you did, you’re not welcome here. How dare you even set foot into Lotus Pier, thinking you were allowed to.”

“He’s with me,” Wei Wuxian bites out, clearly fed up with Lan Xichen for the moment, but Lan Xichen doesn’t back down.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t know him to be like this, has never really seen him this angry or this decisively taking a stance and he wonders not for the first time just what Wen Ning did to upset him like that.

“Well, then you’re not welcome here either,” Lan Xichen gives back, positioning himself in the entrance to Lotus Pier as if he’s willing to bodily stop Wen Ning and Wei Wuxian from entering it.

“Xichen-ge,” Wei Wuxian says, and there’s a warning undertone to his voice now. “This might have been okay for you to do at the Cloud Recesses seeing as you are the Sect Leader, but this is Lotus Pier and you have no authority here. You have no right to deny either of us entrance.”

“And you really think Wanyin would want him in here?” Lan Xichen shoots back, and Jiang Cheng decides that it’s enough now.

It doesn’t seem like either of them are going to back down, and he doesn’t actually want them to fight.

“Enough,” he says as he steps out of the shadows.

“Jiang Cheng,” Wei Wuxian immediately whines as he bounds over to tug on Jiang Cheng’s sleeve as if nothing ever happened between them. “Xichen-ge is abusing his powers. He’s making decisions for you, surely you have something to say to that?”

“Yes, in fact I do have something to say to that,” Jiang Cheng gives back and gives Wei Wuxian just enough time to smile winningly before he continues. “Seeing as he’s my betrothed, he has every right to decide who is allowed inside and who isn’t. And I can’t say that I mind his decision much,” Jiang Cheng bites out, and shoves Wei Wuxian’s hands off him in the same moment.

“Your—what now?” Wei Wuxian asks, eyes going wide.

“My betrothed. But you wouldn’t know what that is, seeing as you eloped with Lan Wangji without going through the proper stages,” Jiang Cheng says, and he knows he’s being unnecessarily mean, but having Wen Ning here is putting him on edge and having Wei Wuxian act as if nothing is wrong after what he said to him in the temple makes Jiang Cheng want to curl up and cry, and lashing out is the only thing he knows how to do.

“Jiang Cheng,” Wei Wuxian whispers, but before he can go on, Lan Xichen is there.

He steps up to Jiang Cheng’s side, putting an arm around him and levelling Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning with a truly scary look.

“You heard him,” Lan Xichen icily says. “You’re not welcome. Leave,” he demands, and when Jiang Cheng turns his head to look at him he sees that Lan Xichen is only looking at Wen Ning.

Jiang Cheng frowns, the old questions of what Wen Ning could have possibly done to make Lan Xichen this mad resurfacing again but he keeps the questions in for now.

“Wei-gongzi, I think it’s best if we did what they say,” Wen Ning suddenly speaks up and Jiang Cheng stiffens at hearing his voice.

It’s softer than it was when he lashed out at Jiang Cheng on the pier but Jiang Cheng still hates it as much as he did then.

Wei Wuxian follows Wen Ning’s tugging on his sleeve eventually but it’s only when they are completely out of sight that Jiang Cheng relaxes.

“I’m sorry,” Lan Xichen whispers and presses a kiss to Jiang Cheng’s temple. “This was not how we wanted to break it to the world.”

“It’s not,” Jiang Cheng agrees, because he doesn’t lie to Lan Xichen, and they had plans.

But he can’t say that he regrets it.

“Do you maybe want to tell me why you are taking issue like that with Wen Ning?” Jiang Cheng asks as he leads Lan Xichen to his personal quarters and he sees how Lan Xichen frowns.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s not allowed in the Cloud Recesses and he’s not allowed here, either. And I think last time you said something about him apologizing? What did he do?” Jiang Cheng wants to know.

“My heart, youtold me what he did, don’t you remember?” Lan Xichen asks, clearly confused but it doesn’t help to explain anything.

“I told you what?”

“You told me what he said to you as he revealed that the core was Wei Wuxian’s. You told me how he spoke to you.”

This still doesn’t clear anything up, though and Jiang Cheng shakes his head.

“I still don’t get it,” he admits. “You’re acting like he’s your enemy. You don’t make enemies, Xichen, so why is this different?”

Lan Xichen blinks a few times before his face goes soft and he steps close to cradle Jiang Cheng’s face in his hands.

“He hurt you, my heart,” Lan Xichen whispers and Jiang Cheng freezes. “He hurt you and he didn’t even have the decency to apologize. There is no world out there where he wouldn’t be my enemy for that.”

“Oh,” Jiang Cheng breathes out, completely caught off guard, and he hides his face in Lan Xichen’s chest when his eyes start to burn.

“I didn’t know,” he wetly says as Lan Xichen slides his arms around him and holds him tight.

“I know,” he mutters. “I know you’re still waiting for me to walk away, that you’re still waiting for me to break this off,” Lan Xichen says and Jiang Cheng is ashamed to admit that he’s right.

“But you made an enemy for me,” Jiang Cheng whispers and clings harder to Lan Xichen.

“Because you’re the most important to me. I would make an enemy of the whole world if it would hurt you like he did,” Lan Xichen promises and Jiang Cheng loves him so much it threatens to drown him sometimes.

“Please don’t,” he eventually gets out. “You’re scary when you’re mad at someone.”

“Good,” Lan Xichen decides and then pushes Jiang Cheng slightly away. “Everyone should be scared of me and think twice about hurting you,” he says and then kisses the breath right out of Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng can’t say that he minds that much either.

Link to my ko-fi on the sidebar!

[goldensstateofgrace]

HI BESTIE! could you possibly do #8 and #21 from the angst prompts but then #2 from the “i love you” prompts to give it a happy ending. I LOVE YOU! HAPPY WRITING!!! 💗💗💗

Lies.

Requests || Masterlist || Spencer Masterlist || 

Warnings: talk of not being enough, insecurity, lying, (lmk if there is anything else)

Word count: 2760

Pairing: Spencer x fem!reader

- I hope you like this! Happy reading!! - G

Spencer’s pov. 

This feeling never goes away does it? The feeling of not being enough, and feeling insecure in everything you do? I know, I know I'm not enough for her, and that she’s just passing time before she finds something better. 

When I first met her she was walking out of my favorite coffee shop, coffee in one hand and a book in the other, one that I came to know she’s read over and over again because it’s her favorite. I accidentally bumped into her, not watching where i was going and spilled her coffee all over the front of her lilac sweater. 

I remember her gasp when the hot liquid hit the skin of her hands and the look of shock on her face when she looked up at me. I was sure she was going to curse me out and any other hurtful words she could come up with, but she didn’t.

She looked up at me, the shock gone from her soft and beautiful features as she told me she's sorry. 

She told me she’s sorry. When it was clearly my fault. I was the one who hadn’t been paying attention, but yet she’s the one saying sorry for something that was completely out of her hands. 

So once the shock had worn off and I came back to my senses, I bought her another coffee and we talked. We talked, and it felt really good to talk to someone other than the team or the victims of the cases we go on. 

I knew she was out of my league, god was she out of my league.

When she asked for my number and to get coffee again sometime, the shock came back and I didn't know what to do. Why would she want to talk to me? The nerdy FBI profiler who can’t really read social queues or make conversation without correcting someone or stating random facts. 

But I gave it to her. Why? I’m not sure, I wasn’t expecting her to call or text, I just thought she was being friendly. 

But a week later, I got a text asking to meet up for coffee as long as I promised to not spill it all over her that time. 

After that we met up for coffee often, eventually I worked up the nerve to ask her on a real date. She said yes immediately to my surprise. 

In the back of my mind, I knew I wasn't good enough for her, she needed someone that could be there for her, not me who was always away on cases or teaching. 

But now we've been together for a little over four months and I’m so happy with her, I just can’t help the lingering insecurity in the back of my mind that she’s not happy and I’m not good enough for her. 

-----

Y/n’s pov  

 Four months. 

You’ve been with Spencer for four months. He treats you right and is so attentive. You’ve never been happier. You never never thought getting coffee spilled on you would lead you to the happiest you've ever been. 

You never had to be worried that he would cheat or lie, he never gave you any of the red flags you used to overlook in your other relationships. He never lied to you. 

Until now. 

You understood when he called and had to cancel your date night for an emergency case, the same way you understood the three other times he had to do the same. 

You understood because people's lives depended on him and his team to catch the person responsible for causing so much chaos. They needed him more than you did in that moment. 

What you didn’t understand is why he was sitting in a bar with the whole team, laughing. You didn’t believe your eyes, he lied? Why would he lie? 

You didn’t know how to feel, you didn’t know the tears that started welling up in your eyes finally fell and he chose that moment to look your way. 

“Y/n,” he sighed, the shock clear on his face and in his wide chocolate eyes. 

Wiping your tears away, you stumble over your feet turning around and quickly making your way out of the bar and back to your apartment. 

You heard him pushing through the large group that walked in right behind you, calling your name but was too late. By the time he made it outside you had already flagged down a cab and drove off. 

Once you got home you undressed and curled up in a ball in bed. You stared at the wall for a while, your brain running over all the possibilities that could have happened. He and the team probably just wrapped up early and went out for a drink, he probably got caught up and forgot to text. 

Yeah, that’s what you told yourself. Ready to give him the benefit of the doubt and hear what he has to say. 

You didn’t realise but you fell asleep, waking up the next morning to the smell of coffee. Wait what? 

You sit up, hearing the cabinets opening and closing and the toaster popping up. Flinging your feet over the side of the bed, you stand making your way out of your bedroom and into your open kitchen/living room. 

You freeze, your eyes watching Spencer buttering the toast before he pours coffee in your favorite coffee cup. 

“What are you doing?” you mutter, voice filled with sleep. 

He stops what he’s doing, spinning around to look at you, a shy smile on his face, “I wanted to explain” he pauses, “If you’ll let me,” he says, looking down at his shoes, you can see a hint of the mix matched socks he chose for today. 

Pineapples and stars. 

You try to suppress the smile tugging at your lips. You always loved the mix matched socks he wore, ready to see what he chose for that particular day when you used to meet up for coffee. 

“You lied, is there really much to explain?” you tell him, your voice cold and almost detached. 

You aren’t one for lying, it's all your ex used to do and you’re so done with it. You’re done being pushed around and your partner picking and choosing what they get to tell you and leave you in the dark on. 

“Yes, there is. I didn’t lie, we wrapped up early and my phone was dead. I didn’t have a way to get in touch with you. Y/n I promise, I wanted to come straight to you when we landed, but the team hadn’t been out in awhile and they talked me into going for at least one drink.” he rambled all in one breath, only stopping when you sat at the counter. 

He placed toast and coffee in front of you, smiling slightly before he started again. 

“y/n please,” he started. 

You think it over, you had tried to call him and it went to his voicemail, he always answers, he has never once lied to you. Never given you a reason to think he was lying. 

Maybe you jumped to the conclusion, maybe he was telling the truth. You are so used to being hurt and lied to that that's the first thing your brain thought happened. 

You nod, “ok,” you say, your voice soft. 

“Ok?” he questioned. He rounded the counter, moving to your side, gently taking your face in his hands. 

You nod softly, “I’m sorry, I jumped to conclusions. I’m not used to people not lying, I’m sorry,” you said, your eyes filling with tears. 

“No, I’m sorry. I should have just come to you,” he said, an emotion you can’t pinpoint filling his voice. It sounded like he was guilty, but he had nothing to be guilty about. 

---- 

Things after that day got better in a way, but something felt off and you couldn’t tell what it was. 

Spencer had to cancel another date, as he had a couple other times since that day, but he always called, telling you he landed and when they wrapped the case. 

This time he didn’t, but you didn’t freak out like last time, he did leave his charger at your apartment before he left for the case. 

You were going over to his place to clean it up a bit, do some of his laundry and make some prep meals he can take to work for lunch. You knew he was always so exhausted after cases and didn’t have the energy to clean and do laundry when he got back. 

Walking up the stairs of his apartment building you hummed the tune to a song stuck in your head, as you fiddled with your keyring looking for his key. Pausing as you found it before you unlocked his door. 

You were carrying a couple shopping bags of cleaning supplies and stuff for the meal prep you planned to do. You set those down next to the door, turning on the light and letting out a small scream. 

“Spencer?” you ask, your hand over your chest like it would stop the heaving beating of your heart. 

“What are you doing here?” you ask, rounding the couch he was on, he looked tired, in his lavender colored bathrobe and staring at the wall. 

“Why do you keep lying? Is this what you’ve been doing every time you cancel on me? Just staying here?” you ask, your heart beating rapidly in your chest. 

Your mind was running a million miles a minute trying to figure out what was happening, “Spencer answer me!” you cried. 

“Yes,” he muttered, finally. He looks down at his hands, fiddling with his fingers. 

Your heart dropped, he’s been lying the whole time. He’s no different from all your other ex’s, lying, lying, and lying some more while you were oblivious.  

Your heart feels like it broke in two, you thought he was different, he was supposed to be different. 

 “You broke me! You ruined everything we had and- for what? You yelled, tears streaming down your face, “You lied! You lied again and I fell for it!” 

“Were done Spencer, I-” you sob out a cry, “I can’t be with someone who lies, I can’t do it. You knew, you knew what happened in my last relationship and you did the same. How could you!” you cry. 

The whole time he just sat there playing with his fingers, not looking at you. 

You quickly gathered your stuff, about to walk out the door before you remembered. You quickly found his key, pulling it off your keyring, “I hope you have a good life Spencer, I don’t need this anymore,” you say looking at him one last time, tossing the key on the table next to his door. 

“Y/n wa-” you hear him call, but you were already out the door. Holding back the sobs until you got to your car and you broke. Letting out all of your hurt, sobbing and crying your eyes out. You never knew you could hurt this much, you were just starting to love him. 

-----

It’s been almost three months since you broke up with Spencer, all the hurt and betrayal you felt has slowly been fading and you're getting back into your routines and getting back out there. 

You were having a night in, watching a movie and drinking a glass of wine as you waited for your popcorn to pop. 

There’s a knock on the door, you set your glass down walking to the door and opening it slightly, shocked at who you saw standing there. 

“Spencer?” you mutter, pulling the door open a little more, “what are you doing here?” 

“I- I need to talk to you, please? I know you don’t want to see or talk to me but- please?” he sounds desperate, and he’s rocking back in forth on his toes. Something he does when he’s nervous, you remember. 

You nod, moving away from the door and letting him in, “uh, do you want water or something else?” you ask, moving back into the kitchen. 

He shakes his head, “no, thank you.” 

He stands there, playing with his fingers as he looks like he’s going over something in his head. 

“Spenc-” you start but are cut off. 

“I’m sorry” he blurts out, his hands stretched out in front of him, “I'm sorry about everything, I'm sorry. I can’t tell you how sorry I am, Y/n, but please just hear me out?” he asks. 

You nod, you have nothing to lose, and you always wondered what it was that made him lie. 

“Ok, uh, can we sit?” he asks. 

“Yeah,” you nod, moving into the living room, sitting on one end of the couch as he takes the other. 

“I didn’t think I would get this far, if i’m being honest,” he smiles shyly. 

“Just start from the beginning, why did you lie?” you ask, turning to face him crossing your legs on the couch. 

“I- I was working through some stuff. I was trying to be better while my mind was telling me I wasn't enough, not for you, not for anyone. You deserved so much better than what I could ever give you, but I want to be better, I am better, because of you. I’m so sorry for treating you how I did, y/n, you didn’t deserve it.” he rambled, your mind trying to catch up with everything he just said. 

“I-” you pause, not knowing what to say. He is the right person for you, you had never been happier than you were with him.

“Were you going to break up with me?” you ask him, looking him in the eyes as you pull at your fingers. 

He shakes his head, looking away for a second before answering, “I’m not sure. I know this time apart has really helped me work through everything and made me realise how much i care and lo- like you,” he stutters, looking at you shyly. 

You smile, scooting closer to him. You grab his hand, squeezing softly, “I want you to know you could have told me what you were going through, I would have done everything in my power to show you how perfect you are, in general and for me.” you smile, looking at him softly. 

“I want you to know how sorry I am too. I shouldn’t have just walked out that day, I should have stayed and listened when you called after me. Spence, I am so sorry, I am. You’re the only thing that matters, to me, to my heart.” your eyes well up with tears as you smile at him. 

“I’m sorry,” you shrug, laughing lightly wiping away your tears before his hand comes up and his thumb wipes away a lone tear. 

“Y/n, I love you. God, that feels good to say,” he chuckles, wiping away another tear. His hands cupping your face, he leans his forehead on yours, breath fanning your lips. “I love you, and I don’t care if it’s too early to say that, I fell for you the moment I saw you.” he breathes out, his smile contagious. 

You can’t help the wide smile that breaks out on your face, you breathe out a laugh pulling back to look him in the eyes, “I love you, Spencer Reid. So. Fucking. Much.” you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him to you and kissing him hard. 

The kiss was full of love and unspoken words that only he could understand. 

“Y/n, will you take me back? I promise to do everything in my power to not let you down again.” he asks, shy and nervous. He pulls back, looking at you waiting for you to give him and answer. 

“Yes, I love you, Spence, so much. I promise to do everything in my power to not let you down and to hear what you have to say. Please come to me when your head gets too much, I’ll be here to reassure you how much I love you.” you tell him, smiling wide, happier than you have been in months. 

He goes in for a lingering kiss, only withdrawing to catch his breath, “I love you, y/n. A whole fucking lot.”

taglist (ask to be added or taken off) : @vividstyles23 @harrystylesandharrypotter @thesadstoryofme @shemarmooresfedora @spencersawkward

[salamoonder]

Alright, so here’s the thing. At this point, I actually don’t care what Artagan has or hasn’t done and, morally, what that means. It’s irrelevant. Interesting, but irrelevant. What I want to talk about is what the Nein, excluding Jester, know about him, and what they do with this information, and how they cast judgment.

Here are things that the nein have actually seen: fleeting glimpses of a figure in a green cloak. one conversation with a giant archfey who has recruited jester’s help in planning a convention. further, fleeting glimpses. very very brief phrases.

Here are things that the nein have heard about him from jester: he’s pretty cool, you guys :) . he’s got a chaotic streak, like her. he helps her pull off pranks. he’s always shown up for her. he’s handsome. he taught her magic. he kept her company when her mom was busy. he is her first friend. he is her best friend. he is her oldest friend. she really loves him.

and yes, they know he misrepresented himself to jester for years. they know he sent them to an island where you lose your memory every night. they know that he is sketchy as fuck and they do not know if he means what he says. and that is reasonable and understandable and fair.

here is something that i don’t know if you guys know about abusers, regardless of if artagan is one or not. (and he’s not. i’m not even going to say i don’t think he is, he literally is not abusive. words mean something; stop throwing them around because you personally don’t like someone.) you cannot tell their victims that they are abusive or awful or manipulative or horrible, and expect that to help. that makes it worse. the same is true of cults. you cannot, and i mean CANNOT, make yourself hostile, because then the outside world is hostile, and the abuser is safe. the outside world is hostile, and the cult is safe. furthermore you’re reinforcing what every abuser and what every cult plants in their victim’s heads--i’m the only one who would put up with you. i’m the only one who really loves you. everyone else will be cruel to me, but i’m the only thing you have. even if the nein had reason to suspect that the traveler was straight up abusing jester instead of just weird and shady, that is not a good response.

no matter how bad artagan is or isn’t, fjord, caduceus, and beau are still being condescending. they are still failing to trust that jester knows what she’s talking about. they are still trying to coddle her, they are still treating her like a child, and i want to talk about that. i want y’all to see that they’re still treating her like she’s emotionally fragile. like individually, i want to talk about that, and also the fact that everyone seems to want to lump caleb into this. (and yasha?? yasha has barely said anything about him, y’all.)

i’m going to skim over caduceus a bit because i don’t think his is a jester-centric problem. he tends to just trust that he either has the correct answers to a situation, or that even if he doesn’t know what’s correct, he knows what isn’t. this arc has been very interesting, because it’s been a lot of “i’ll play along with this because it sounds intriguing, but i’m going to be very self righteous about it the whole time.” like. the “we’re good” when jester brought up transferring followers to melora is haunting me. why “we’re good”? i get cad’s philosophy that not everyone is going to flock to one god--that’s fine, that makes sense. but the implication of “we’re good” really makes it sound like “mmm no thanks, none of these people would end up in my cool and correct religion anyway.” because he doesn’t know! he doesn’t know if any of these people would actually be happier and better off with melora. or. maybe he does know, or has decided, that they wouldn’t be, because these are not the kind of people that he could see himself falling under the same moral umbrella as. (lmao love how i said i was going to skim. anyway. again, less a jester thing, more a “cad is smug about everything” thing tbh.)

let’s move to fjord. he is quite honestly making me almost more uncomfortable than beau, because he’s making statements that i don’t really actually believe. “we just don’t want you to get hurt” is all very well and good. coupling that with agreeing with beau that they shouldn’t leave jester alone with artagan? without telling jester? does not jive. (i’m still not over the ridiculous of that, by the way. yeah this dude--no, this ARCHFEY, who could snap you in half in a moment--has been alone with her regularly for the first 20ish years of her life but now, now he’s going to try and kill her, and you’re going to be the one to stop that.) fjord keeps saying things like this--that he trusts her--but he doesn’t actually act like it. at one point he even says “if jester has faith in the traveler, that’s good enough for me, i suppose.” but it’s not, and he doesn’t act like it is. you know who actually acts like that? caleb. caleb’s getting his own paragraph though this is getting long as fuck. but if fjord actually meant that? he would’ve told beau “listen i know this situation is sketchy and i don’t like him anymore than you do but because i trust jester i also trust that she knows what she’s doing here, and i’ll be there to back her up with whatever she needs/wants me to do”. but he did not say that or anything like that. instead he agreed with beau to essentially be bodyguarding jester--without consulting jester about it at all. he wouldn’t have told jester “he’s generally full of shit, right?” about the traveler. jester is continually telling the group over and over again that she knows what he’s like. she knows Exactly how he can be. and the sad thing is, if fjord actually believed that she knew what she was talking about when she said that and if he believed that he could actually talk to her frankly and not that her feelings had to be protected at all costs (my skin is still crawling at “we don’t wanna ruin jester’s special day”. it’s not a five year old’s birthday party), then he would have straight up told her. he would have said “hey we’re concerned enough that he’s going to hurt you that we don’t think you should be alone with him. can we help guard against that?”

and i’ll be honest, i’ve kind of been squicked out by all the romantic posts about fjord and jester because he’s spent the last few episodes genuinely treating her like a wonderful but vulnerable child who needs to be protected from the world. when he told beau "I'm probably the least clued in as to how jester feels” i was like YEAH NO SHIT. and i know he meant it in a romantic sense but i feel that it’s true in general. like i get that he’s scared to talk to her. that’s fine. he doesn’t have to talk to her about her feelings, romantic or otherwise. but if he’s acknowledging that he does not at all know how she feels then he has no right to behave as if he does know. and again i don’t mean this in a romantic sense. i mean it in a, he is making the assumption that she can’t handle reasoned criticism of the traveler to her face, kind of sense. he and beau both are opting for “random insults, threats, and judgments they have decided apply” over “genuinely this is why we are concerned”. there has been a lot of “you don’t need him” and “you are better off without him” and “you’re better than him” and “you have us why do you need that” and those are judgement statements that are essentially meaningless. all they do is further demonstrate to jester that they don’t actually understand why she’s upset or what she actually wants.

i think caleb, mr i-eat-encyclopedias-for-breakfast, likely just has a better intellectual understanding of the fae and that may be why he’s not as outwardly concerned as the rest, but he’s also actually decided to trust jester that she knows what she’s dealing with. she has demonstrated both verbally and with her actions that even if she may not have known about artagan initially, She Knows How This Works. and he trusts that. caleb truly went “alright, i trust that you know what you’re doing, where do you need me” and that was IT. i’m not saying that he’s not allowed to be suspicious or concerned or wary of the traveler: i just don’t think he is. and i hate that people keep lumping him in with the rest of the nein “treating jester like a child” because they think he’s predatory or something--especially as caleb and fjord are pretty much the same age--when he is literally the only FUCKING person consistently asking jester how she feels and then actually acting accordingly.

and the thing is, you don’t have to be caleb and largely unconcerned, it is actually possible for you to show concern and alarm and wariness for your friend’s best friend without condescending to them and veth has been doing that this whole damn time. we know how she feels about him; she decidedly does not like him. but she set that aside to really fully listen to jester and then tried to be helpful to her in deciding what to do next, without inserting her own opinion. veth is the only one acknowledging that, sure, this looks really bad and i don’t like that guy, but you know him best, jester, and you know yourself best and so it should be your choice what to do in this situation. she reminds jester--if he is really a friend to you, and he is doing things you don’t like, then you can talk to him about that and he should listen. i want to talk about how when jester suggested that artagan join the mighty nein, there were exactly three reactions. extremely lame excuses from everyone but caleb and veth, “maybe, like, an annex--” from caleb, because he knows what everyone else is gonna say, and “we don’t like your friend” from veth, literally the only person who has apparently decided that jester can hear that without dissolving into a puddle or something.

and i want to make it clear--i don’t hate the actors. and stories are supposed to make you upset and uncomfortable, to an extent. they’re supposed to make you think. you’re not supposed to be happy when darth vader blows up alderaan. you’re not supposed to be happy when edmund betrays his siblings to the white witch. these are all excellent, excellent character choices and i applaud the cast for making them. and i don’t hate fjorester. and like yeah there have been a lot of cute moments in the last few eps. and they are cute and their story is compelling and it’s interesting. but i wish people would stop acting like fjord’s attitude towards her is perfect and lovely and that he trusts her sooo much when he is going behind her back like this. i am...the biggest widomauk shipper. and i have to admit my heart does the swoopy thing every time i rewatch the forehead kiss. but that wasn’t great. it was overall really not a good read or handle of the situation. it was, there was an attempt. and i do think fjord is trying. and i think beau is trying too. and i think all of their attitudes however terrible just come from a place of loving her and wanting to protect her. but--and here i must point frantically back at artagan--loving someone does not mean that you’re not hurting them.