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Initial drawings of that old man… I literally, I haven’t finished reading the book of bill yet!!! I had to stop and take a break for a week to feverishly draw fanart of myself petting fords floofy hair and giving him attention and shit…!!!! The urge was too great….!! I’ve literally. I had a crush on this guy the instant he was first REVEALED in the show, but I did not have the artistic prowess to draw good looking old men back then… but I do now… thank god… thank fucking god
#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#self ship#self insert#si x canon#it me#doodles#I got a haircut! so my hair looks different now.. as haircuts tend to do lol#anyway… yeah… I LOVE HIM… GRAHHFJH#the confirmation that he rlly is just sad and lonely and insecure and craving attention and validation#OHH FORD BBY.. WE R THE SAME#like… ghghg i loved him already just w his prickly nerdy outer shell but knowing more about the vulnerable center is GREAT. ITS AWESOME#also hes a smart nerdy guy who can do science and expirements and shit which is ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS FOR A CHARACTER TO DO#u kno im all about scientists….#I couldn’t draw ship art back then 1 cuz I didn’t kno how to draw old men and 2 cuz I was like 13 lol… which would have been wierd#but I’m an ADULT NOW. GET OVER HERE FORD#also it didn’t even rlly cross my mind TO draw that stuff cuz even tho I did love ford#self ship and x reader sorta stuff was not NEARLY as popular back then.. like I specifically remember it like. booming in popularity#at some point. but being pretty rare before that. anyway. thank u passage of time and trends and new gravity falls book for introducing#me back to fictional man I love. so I can now draw myself smooching him and shit#hell yeah.#13 is probably not actually correct I do not remember exactly which year fords reveal was in…#but I was probably older then 13.. but still#the point remains lol.#also omg. the bit in the book w the goth moth. ‘ur probably into this sorta thing right?’#I AM INTO THAT SORTA THING FORD. thank u book of bill for being written specifically @ me. the immersion it’s great.#like ur so right ford I AM edgy and goth how’d u guess that tee hee. eyelash flutter#aLSO PLS IGNORE MY FINGER BEING IN FRAME IN THE LAST PIC. I was drawing in a tiny bound sketchbook#so I had to hold the paper down to keep it flat. and. I didn’t feel like censoring my fucking. pinkie finger out of the image
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I'm thinking abt that pretty fall leaves embroidery pattern post and about how like... it is categorically a repost, it's a reupload. right? a thing that is generally disliked. but because it's credited, it's genuinely boosting the artist in question. and it could ALWAYS be like this. reposting content could ALWAYS be a symbiotic relationship, but because sourcing back to the original creator of something is so uncommon, it's just easier to ask people not to repost it at all. and people still don't understand the difference. or they'll go to the effort of cropping out usernames/signatures to repost something, which is More Effort than literally crediting the creator of something you liked enough to want to repost. Like. I literally don't actually care if my own shit gets reposted, you have to understand. I just don't want it STOLEN. But "do not repost" is easier to write on my art than "you can repost this, but don't alter the image/remove my signature, don't you dare write 'credit goes to the artist' because that is not credit, please link back to my original post or someplace that you can actually find me. please use an actual link/url instead of writing a non-clickable link of my username, because making it text instead of a clickable link cuts the number of people who will go to the effort of visiting my own page in Half." All those aggregate themed accounts, those fuckin annoying as hell instagrams and facebook groups that are like "body positive art we love wamen 💕 hashtag feminism" and then MASS-STEAL plus sized art created by women, if pages like these that always go and steal my older self-portraits and other works... If they just put a link to my prints of those pieces in the text of those posts, or, fuck, my commission info page? I would literally be living on the moon right now. I would have a house on the moon
#there is actually nothing morally wrong with running an account that just reuploads ppl's artwork or their jokes or their cosplays#if you just put a VISIBLE LINK in the description of your post with proper credit then it would be beneficial for everyone#because you can get your little clout or whatever it is you want by putting a bunch of same-category content on a page#but nobody's getting fucked over because if your post blows up then people just get FUNNELED to the source#because it's placed so plainly where everyone can see it#and yeah it's better to retweet or reblog but#on the rare occasion that I see my shit reuploaded on tumblr WHICH IS WEIRD BC I MAKE MY OWN POSTS HERE but anyway#someone making their own post where they upload my stuff. and it's always the floral self portraits so let's say it's a post with all those#if I scroll to the bottom and it says like. Artwork by Serglesinner on Twitter <-- clickable link [Sergle's Prints] <-- clickable link#to my etsy#I'm like oh okay and all the anger leaves my body and I'm like ah I see. and I toss the rock aside#like oh okay so you actually care that a person made these pieces. Instead of posting the caption ''women <3'' or smth#like you've GOTTA die if you do that. but if you just link back#or if you go to the effort of writing like a description with a BLURB? like it's a damn museum. like a light paragraph of info#about what the art is and who made it and their links#I am literally sucking you in a strange and peculiar manner. that is extremely helpful#and maybe other artists don't want this AT ALL and they'd rather people not reupload even if it is credited#but I feeeeeeeeel. like 99% of the time this would solve the issue#reposters could genuinely be helping ppl. sometimes the repost gets more traction than the real thing#as long as it credits the creator then that's an okay thing to happen!#that can land somebody a sale! a commission order! a new fan! A JOB#A JOB!!!!!!!!!!#sergle.txt#I didn't write this eloquently AT ALL what the fuck ever barkbarkbarkbark
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I'm not dead, hello!! Life's been chaotic and a certain lil discord server has been keeping me extremly distracted (affectionally) But art has been happening slowly!
Here is some color pallete studies (soaproach edition, cus they are... plaguing my mind) I did some days(?) ago!! Most of these were requested (as you can see by the amount of... soap's (truly a fan favorite))
Part 1 (this one) - Part 2 - Part 3
#Tags first ramble second#cod#call of duty#cod mw2#call of duty modern warfare 2#call of duty soap#call of duty roach#john soap mctavish#gary roach sanderson#soap/roach#roach/soap#soaproach#roachsoap#manysart#manyrambles#I promised I would post these so here I am!#I'm actually really proud of all of these which is a rare occurence XD#But my heart has favorites of course (it's the soaproach one...and the roach one)#Anyway the soaproach one was requested by Ren (thank you Ren for giving me the opportunity to draw them <3#I could explode with the love i have for them)#Soap with blue background was requested by erin (one of the prettiest soap's I've drawn)#That roach was requested by me lmao. First one of the batch#And the last was by apple!
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i left my phone in my room and picked up an actual physical book and sat down on the balcony and read the whole thing can everyone please be so so proud of me
#for reasons that'd take way too long to explain im living at my grandmas house rn for around a month (she's not here)#and she has like a billion detective novels which i love but i lost the ability to read when i was like 12#i do read books as pdfs sometimes but even that's rare... and they're usually dr w.ho/t.orchwood#it was curtain of poirot fame which I've seen like a billion times coz it's one of my#favourite poirot stories but i've never read it#ms christie is crazyyy coz somehow i still gasped out loud multiple times despite knowing the ending#it's also really cool that you 1000% can guess the ending if you pay attention#i almost always guess the murderer immediately w detective things but i usually watch shows where it's way easier imo#i mean i guess them in books too but they make it less easy coz shows have a limited cast and it's always obvious#anyway damn... i really wanna get back to reading so im gonna try to read other ones as well#she has tons of books in english hungarian and german so the selection is endless#mostly crime novels which is great coz i love those. no prizes for guessing who i get it from#barking
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see I think like the main problem with tcw is that it has this sitcom energy where everything is set back to zero after every arc which absolutely demolishes any sense of progression or character development
#So like there are some damn good clone wars arc#Mortis arc umbara arc siege of zygerrian arc are all so good#But they all (along with most tcw arcs) exist in their own little bubbles where they rarely touch or interact with each other#You can’t go back to zero after killing three force gods. you just fucking can’t#That changes the entire universe on such a fundamental level it’s almost absurd#And no this isn’t a problem intrinsic to anthologies before one of you brings up that point#Because the clone wars does have arcs that impact the plot greatly (mandalore arc chip arc wrong jedi arc etc etc)#But all of those are followed through in the seventh season which is completely linear#Anyways I’ll go in depth later#And also justice for my girl barriss#star wars#tcw critical#insert original post tags here
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doing the heavy lifting in a convo can be so tiring omfg
#THIS IS NOT ABT ANYONE HERE BTW I’M JUST RANTING#we talk abt the non-yappers but what about the Yappers…….#like are you interested in talking 2 me or not my friend lmk bc if not it’s always so much easier not to speak 😭#and i try to match people’s energies in how they text my friend said i’m a weird little chameleon like that#don’t know why they put the weird and little there but i’ll let it slide bc that’s oomf4life 🤨 but anyways#sighhhhhh sometimes i’m like oooooh am i too much ^_^ and then i back off#ONCE AGAIN THIS IS NOT ABT ANY MOOTS OR ANYTHING i love you all i would die for you#you can see me as the gum on your shoes and i’d be like :3 YIPPEE!!!!!!!!#but it’s like sometimes i talk and they don’t respond and i think they do to others and then i’m like :O LIKE DID I DO SMTHN WRONG#and like w IRL’s/close moots it’s totally fine like we’ve gone weeks w/o talking and then just get in the groove immediately#but then w a very small handful of people it’s like damn . baby i’m pulling teeth and i do Not feel like pulling anymore#BUT ALSO!!!!! i need to think from their perspective and maybe some people don’t like my texting energy which is fine and valid (die)#((kidding))#and also maybe some people feel that way abt me! like it’s pulling teeth or it’s just awkward (which is genuinely valid)#anyways . inch of resting#i will say i do worry sometimes that i end up centering the convo about what EYE think but i never mean it in a narcissistic way!#i just want them to know that i relate/they’re not alone! but i wonder if they may think that i’m making it abt me WHICH I PROMMY I’M NOT…#but there’s no point thinking that way but also . i don’t care NFNDNDNDN respectfully like i have my group and i can just stick w them :3#i rarely vent on here like this but SIGHHHHHH where else can i <3 i love tumblr tags#i would be nothing without tumblr tags i can talk here like it’s no one’s business#ANYWAYS TIME 2 EAT A BURRITO AND THEN WRITE#personal
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Tekken's storytelling may have its flaws and T7 absolutely had its issues, but this is a perfect moment to me. You could NOT have a clearer depiction of PTSD than what happens here; we see the 5 year old child inside the man, while his mother's theme leitmotifs in the background signifying her metaphorically haunting the scene, and then on top of it we get flashbacks from the prior games including Kazuya's T2 death!!
The composition of the flashbacks is so nice too since it's dominated by visions of Heihachi, before we see Kazuya as a child again then a flickering moment of Kazumi (solidifying that he is her legacy and needs to carry out what she failed to do) culminating in the T4 "I'm going to get everything back!" line.
And then the scream. If that's not an amazingly performed vocalization to express 45 years of carried trauma and anger then I don't know what is. That last hit has every piece of rage and pain in him behind it. Then silence as Heihachi falls. The quietude that comes immediately after catharsis. All that violence and then the moments it takes to process before he can act again. I just love it a lot. Kazuya was really done justice here.
#meta#tekken talk#I could analyze this a lot deeper but this gets across my main feelings I think#kaz is not treated very well by the narrative in general but I have zero complaints here and I think even his trauma is depicted well#which is something that... rarely happens let's just say#kazumi's presence in this scene means a lot to me too. she's a spectre lingering over it all. kazuya is what's left of her in this world.#he's experienced so much loss. is it any wonder that after it all he desires everything?#anyway. W PTSD depiction moment is the main thing I wanted to say.
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"Presenting Her Worship, the Lady Inquisitor Ashara Dhavise of Clan Lavellan, First to Keeper Deshanna Lavellan, Anointee of the Second Inquisition, Herald of Andraste, Right Hand of Divine Victoria, Vessel of the Vir'Abelasan, Comtesse of Kirkwall, Lady of Skyhold, Slayer of the false god Corypheus, Slayer of the false god Hakkon, Slayer of the false god Fen'harel."
#oc: ashara#datv#tay plays datv#datv spoilers#IT TOOK ME ALL AFTERNOON LOL. BUT HERE SHE IS. BIBLICALLY ACCURATE ASHARA.........#the bun is the Most accurate version ! bonus hair-down ashara is only available if ur on her romance route btw so congrats <3#(obviously made as rook just so i could see which presets looked perfect in game)#(bc i simply refuse to deal w an ugly inquisitor again . genuinely almost ruined the game for me the first time lmao)#i think the only thing i wish i could improve are her eyebrows. in my heart they are THICK and also messy and insane. but the ones in cc#dont shape to her brow bone in a way that conveys the correct aura of Misery and Weariness nd Bitterness that is so integral to her vibe</3#anyway! women when they possess a rare and marvelous spirit but rare and marvelous spirits cannot survive#under the crushing weight of duty and religious doctrine...........unless ?
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ok i think im done i think ive finally done it. i have completed the awakening ship chart with the second gen. except for nah sorry nah. yes i do love rarepair hell thanks for asking im never leaving
#ann plays awakening#i know that lucisev is not a rarepair but thats the ONLY second gen ship i got here that isnt#so shut it#u might be able to make that argument for gerolau as well but i think anything with laurent is rare bc no one talks about him#and i think gerome has a much more popular ship. that we all know and i will not tag#not that i dislike that one but i just like them with other ppl more#speaking of shout out inigo and cynthia for being the only heterosexuals here (WRONG bi4bi)(both on the aro spectrum)#they will be the only ones here to get a written ending and it doesnt even matter bc inigo fucks off to nohr and makes it untrue#oh well. au where that doesnt happen#i spent a lot of time deliberating on brady and a long time ago i rly liked brady/fmorgan but if im using frobin thats not an option#tho shes here in spirit#idk why it never occured to me to try out the male version of her. bradymorg if it was yaoi#tho im actually a little on the fence about this one. but then my top two choices for brady are just morgan and morgan#so it doesnt throw anyone else off i just need to pick which robin#absolutely nothing has changed in the first gen since the last time i posted this im still rocking with all of them#dont think any of them will change#i allllllmost paired noire with yarne#and that could change but idk. i think owainyarne is just too funny i think about them a lot#though if i could make them poly i would cuz owain/noire is also very cute#kjelle is a lesbian and would not fit into that tho. sorry. this is my gf noire and her stupid boyfriends i dont like#anyways i’ll probably shake some of these up when i go back to the awakening trio retainer au but for my main file yeeah i like these :3#sorry i just like to yap about my kids pay me no mind please
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the doctor isnt neurodivergent or autistic or adhd or nonbinary or genderqueer or asexual. what the doctor is, is Not From Here
#which necessarily of course says something abt their (non)whiteness#(i had all these words in quotation marks first so mentally add those to whiteness too)#but we've them be black for all of 1.5 episode now so#lets see how that develops you know#also i dont think i understand the politics of that part well enough to say much abt it#not that i probably understand the politics of these parts better but#im annoyed enough abt this Thing happening these years. in these 20s i guess. the 'representation' thing#to complain abt it anyway#the dsm isnt real and it isnt gonna fuck you buddy#maybe i'll read some books and then one day i'll write an essay driven by spite and pettiness#i wonder if i can make the thesis statement about the tension between their status of main character#in a 60 year running family adventure show vs this therapy thing we're doing now#like. you cant do that. in terms of like. what story is and does. what a character is and does. it strains#in an interesting way. like im not saying they Shouldnt have done it. im just observing. that you cant do that really. i think#or maybe you can! but i'll find that out#i also dont know shit abt narratology or whatever so. need to read books first. sigh#always have to pause my thoughts to read myself in first its so annoying. esp bc i rarely really do#bc then new thoughts new things to do you cant do EVERYTHING. you can do almost nothing. bane of my existence really#but like you might even be able to say smth interesting here about whether you can call them traumatised at all#remember that article i saw around on tumblr a few years ago i think that was abt like. some scholar in the middle east maybe#saying that ptsd is a western thing bc it necessitates a Post#all of this is western. psychiatry is western. its all stories. how you conceptualise trauma is a story#whos Other is story#where youre from is a story what you stand for is a story who you are is a story#ah. checked the article. dr samah jabr. palestinian. i'll start with her book maybe
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i'm going to write something tonight if it kills me
#it's killing me NOT to write. and the only thing that will get me unstuck is trying again so we're doing just that!#having a cider tonight which i rarely do but maybe being just slightly buzzed will get me to stop fucking overthinking#anyway if y'all see me on here too much in the next hour yell at me to go back to writing#mik chats
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Deadmeat Rem AU
We've seen Twin Swap AUs & recently, I've thrown my own hat (re: Purple Hyacinth AU) into the loop. However, upon rereading @lost-technology's Survivor's Guilt fic & going through our dms, I propose a more unorthodox role swap prompt:
AU where Vash & Rem swap places.
Vash is a Plant engineer who became a SEEDS navigator after losing Alex (he can be Vash's bf or relative in this AU). He's there when Tesla is born & has to live on after her (murder) death (which was his fault, he should've been better, should've done more, fought harder, they were gifted an angel & they slaughtered her). He's the goofy dad who's there through the twin's formative years, desperately trying to be better because he knows his best isn't & never will be enough.
And okay, I'm spitballing a bit here, but imagine: how would this impact Rem? The poignancy of her character comes from her role as much as her personality. In canon, she seemed to be an only child, so how would having Nai as an older brother affect her? How would she handle the Humanoid Typhoon's role? We, as the audience have only known canon!Rem through the 1 year Vash spent with her & snippets of her past, so how would her 150 year life span go?
Or if you want to shake things up further, maybe Nai & Tesla swap roles too. Maybe Nai is the one born first. A boy Plant who could produce metallic material, a weapon at worst & a tool at best. They name him Knives so no one forgets that & Vash nicknames him Nai to say 'no, I do NOT agree with that!'.
Thus, Tesla (maybe with electricity powers??) is the one who decides to end humanity because god forbid women commit crimes /j. Is this is also lowkey inspired by @shelternmberone's Roleswap AU? Yes. GIVE US MORE VILLAIN TESLA AUS!
If you want to go another mile: maybe Luida & Brad take Meryl & Milly/Roberto's places as Ship 3's residents & investigative reporters/insurance agents respectively.
Anyways, what I'm trying to say is, the sky's the limit rlly, which is the whole point of AUs like this.
#trigun#trigun au#role swap au#deadmeat rem au#rem saverem#vash the stampede#millions knives#tesla#trimax#trigun stampede#my brain thought of this au & i took the time to write abt it instead of my report-#and hey if we're going with name symbolism again maybe vash named her rem bcz he believes she represents dreams#vash's dreams for peace maybe even tesla's dream of being able to properly live#and how dreams at the end of the day are fickle & rarely ever come true#but humanity keeps having them anyways#meanwhile vash bitterly wonders if his name reflects humanity's herd mentality & his own powerlessness#but he's also the one who introduces the concept of a 'pack' (family) to the twins#also imagine rem in a badass blue coat#(which gives her ammunition to roast legato BLUEsummers)#maybe in this au the accident that killed alex also resulted in vash still getting his prosthetic#would rem also get one or an eyepatch like PH tesla & SG rem? if tesla is knives here would she give rem lichtenberg scars?#up to you
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Shino raising his dead friends and friend's dog from the dead with the power of bugs as one friend's cousin watches [not clickbait]
#speculation nation#fanny watches naruto#bugs ment/#this mini arc is fucking wild actually what the fuck is going on#i am VERY definitely past everything ive seen before. both anime and manga.#which means this is all new. and i dont know whats going on hdskhfks#ino holding hands with shikamaru and choji (and making them hold hands) was really cute tho🥺🥺🥺#for circulating their chakra to keep them alive etc etc anyways those are her BOYS!!!!!! shes working so hard to keep them alive!!!!!!!!!#and then shino using his bugs to circulate the chakra of. two guys and a dog.#i love the focus being placed on him rn bc hes so rarely focused on. but also. it *is* kind of funny#i think it's akamaru. the dog. plus the bugs. hes literally just putting bugs on them so they'll move the chakra around#and doing it in the most Raising The Dead pose possible hflshfks god it's so funny#anyways genuinely why is kabuto going to such lengths to kill these four (plus a dog)#like hes got this whole plot hes committed 4 of his pawns to this. just sucking their souls outta their body bc Huh??#like ok shikamaru is a master tactician. i get him. and neji is a powerful jonin.#and choji is very strong Especially in conjunction with ino and shikamaru#that good old ino-shika-cho combo. you know.#then theres kiba and like kiba's strong but like. not all that special in the army??? like sorry kiba not to be mean#but like hes just a chunin. no special combos or insane intellect to set him apart.#he's a front liner. a good one! but ykno. not all that special in the army. sorry kiba.#the true answer for why these 4 (5 with the dog lol) were brought togegher for this#was for reminiscing about their failed sasuke retrieval arc. by the narrative.#but Also they have those same sound ninja 4 theyre up against. maybe those guys wanted to nab them bc of the grudge#and kabuto was just like 'sure yeah it wouldnt hurt to kill the nara and the hyuga'#actually im just now remembering his ninja info cards. freakish data collection on fucking everyone#and now here he is having grave robbed all over the goddamn place and prepped all the bodies with their weapons and what have you#taking the time to send these reanimated bodies towards their prior loved ones to take advantage of the personal turmoil#bro it's a fucking battlefield what??? how are you sending everyone to such specific people like that.#and then anko's just passed out behind him. she hasnt even been to the village since the pain attack. she is getting shelved SO bad#anyways kabuto's a little freak and i continue to hate him. grave robbing shithead.
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I do think a good chunk of the 'cringey atheist' stereotype did come from the fact that, especially americans, regardless of their actual religious status are just casually christian and refer to things through a religious filter and that isn't seen for how overwhelming/obnoxious/frustrating it is. Its absense, such as when writing a story and things like "oh god" or other casual references are remove or replaced, is seen as notable the same way people find the cast being all women or queer being 'abnormal'.
And I think more people, especially here on tumblr, should take a moment from ragging on some kid being "cringey" saying god doesn't exist or making atheist jump around like dancing monkeys to establish they're one of the good respectful ones before they ever even begin to talk about their own thoughts, and examine why so much content just inserts god into a conversation that had nothing to do with religion like it's the expected norm, the same way they examine the invasiveness of casual heteronormativity.
#this is just cause an ex christian youtuber i otherwise like refers to any extreme emotional experience as a 'religious experience'#as if everyone can agree on it being so#and theres more than a few posts on here that make me wonder why#so many people are incapable of making something 'poetic' or 'great' without invoking religious imagery#even where it had no relevance#atheism#anyways#ive seen uncomfortably similar treatment that aces in particular have received for pointing out amatonormativity in a post#its rare these days though because atheists have long since been thuroughly shamed in american society as being edgy#which like wooow a christian nation that shames every other religion in some way found a way to shame nonreligious too? shocking#actually i get kinda annoyed when i think about it its one of those propaganda that people casually buy into#without examining it at all#youll see atheists acting like dancing monkeys trying to establish theyre not cringe guys its okay#just to talk about how they feel and think#i remember being a young adult and when someone started talking to me with the assumption of god being in the picture#and id get an eye roll like i was being childish not going along with it nevermind they inserted god into the convo in the first place#without question or comment#and i know it wasnt forceful the same way some ex religious folks can get a bit zealous the same way they were about religion#which theres something to eb said for that zealousness being acceptable when christian but not when atheist or another religion#but ive never gone through such a phase my family has been atheist for several generations now and we were taught to respect beliefs#anyways sorry idk why this is on my brain this afternoon i think i saw a post or smth and it reminded me of that youtuber
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...So! There are at least two people on tumblr who hate me with absolute loathing 🙃
#By which I mean that I've been on this new account for a few days only and two people have blocked me#I have not interacted with them in that time#and yes they had me blocked on my old account#so... the only explanation is that they regularly check the Silmarillion tag and saw my posts showing up in it?#but like this implies that (a) they remembered my url (which I changed recently?) and pfp (which people sometimes share??) that well#and (b) decided 'block on sight' was the thing to do#and (c) went *on* my blog to find the url of my main and blocked me there#...and that's some level of investment#I did in fact get into a quarell with one of the blogs... nearly two years ago I think#mostly to learn that they're a raging hypocrite (including but not limited to 'you vagueing me is rude but not the other way round)#but that was not the case with the other#anyway yeah I'm probably making more of it than most would because I seem to be the very rare one here to consider blocking a last resort?#but also one of those people clearly vagued that they detest me so apparently that's still the case😅#anyway they're an idiot but I don't like being detested. would prefer a mild dislike#*also the issue we thought on is no longer really a thing but whatever#therese rambles#I don't think this counts as a rant? idk#therese rants#no commiserations needed I can deal with it
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why am i so interested in south american cultures and history. and why do i keep stopping myself from learning about them
#no cuz i have a fucking interest in it and its unexplainable idk where it came form#i literally live on a whole other continent way away from south america#i never been to anywhere in south america#i do not have a drop of latinx blood on me i have absolutely no connections to the damn place#but yet i am so interested in whatever the fuck incas aztecs and mayans were doin#about past history and current history#and current countries NOT TO MENTION THEYRE SOOOOO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL GOD#i saw a vlog about brazil and never wanted to visit a country more in my life like holy shit#also i was obsessed with sottr mainly cuz of the focus on the latino civilizations#but from little research ive done it was quite stereotypical and blending the civilisation even tho theyre very different#but okay anyway#i HAVE the interest and yet i dont go let myself research ???? like i literally tell myself no????? no ill do that later ?????????#i have very poor memory retention okay so ig that makes me demotivated but STILLWOUWHABFJ#i remember watching some vids on the topics and trying to learn the damn differences BUT I REMEMBER FUCKING NOTHINGGGGGG#i can barely remember what i have learned in math last (4 weeks ago) like jesus cmon...................#i want to learn but i can barely remember anything FFLOR FUCKS SAKEEEKSGXVAJ#but still I dint think that's a reason for me denying myself and self sabotaging myself here ?????#i guess cuz im not taking it as much of a priority compared to the subjects im doing it + art + art history#which i also fucking suck at btw i am constantly trying to learn sm for art history and i remember. barely anything !!!#i remember i had to relearn the events and everything of ww2 like around 6-7 times and im not joking here#cuz i would not remember anything and now i remmeber it vaguely enough to be able to know some basic facts but no dates or smaller events#ok god my memory retention is shit i think i actually gotta be concerned about that shit#anyway i just wanted to rant except i have absolutely no information or facts to offer whatsoever#rumaiq rambles#writing this whislt listening to a Argentina 70s top playlist and there is absolutely no bad song. i love them all. and that is very rare#especially for me i am picky as fuck with my playlists and music#idk what the conclusion of this is i dont think there is one
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