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sylusheart · 4 months ago

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`sylus: a character study

finally here with the sylus post as promised <3 if you haven't already, do check out my caleb post. in this post i'll summarise the current theories/speculations regarding sylus, however with all the new confirmations and reveals a lot of the previous theories have been debunked so i'm only going to include whats still relevant as of now. and don't worry, even in the future if most of these theories are complete waffle i'll still leave this post up, as well as my caleb one and any other upcoming lnds theory posts. as always, if i miss anything or if you want to correct anything please fill free to mention it in the comments <3 also this includes spoilers for love and deepspace veresion 2 so if you haven't finished the new updates yet and don't want to get spoiled pls look away!!! but if you're thirsty for more sylus content buckle up and keep reading, let's start... ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა

ᰔ the meaning of sylus' name

starting things off simple let's look into the meaning of his name. 'sylus' can mean "from/of the woods", or more specifically the name sylus/silas originally comes from the short form of 'silvanus' which means "protector" or "guardian" (of the forest). funnily enough, this has clearly been depicted throughout he main story so far as he's been watching over mc from the very beginning. it's also said that silvanus can appear as someone who is unfazed and daring with a rebellious soul and is willing to explore the darkest woodlands - which sort of links back to how sylus is so comfortable in the N109 zone despite it being a terrifying place to others and outsiders.

ᰔ the flower in his trailer represents mc

i've seen a few people point out that the untouched flower in his trailer represents mc. seeing as sylus is the ruthless leader of onychinus he's clearly meant to be seen as someone who is unforgiving and rather rash. but amongst all of the deadliness shown in his trailer, a lone flower sits unharmed as he walks past, suggesting a softer side to him. we can assume that him avoiding to trample over the flower was intentional because he steps over his wanted poster, this small detail in general shows how he holds a tender and respectful side that he reserves for mc. ultimately, it shows how sylus is a multifaceted character - he voluntarily avoids the flower, willingly choosing to be tender even when no one was there to witness so. not to mention, on the recent stream one of the kitties (blurple) said that sylus had rescued it when it found itself on top of one of the buildings (probably in the N109 zone) and he gently set it down to a safer place on the ground after telling it that "kitties don't belong here". to me, he comes off as a man that is unforgiving when need be, he's not going to start terrorising everyone because of how he tends to behave. he seems like someone who prefers not to cross over lines unless someone has crossed his first - that's to say, he won't act hostile or irrational unless he has been wronged first. but of course, many people who know of him can find that difficult to believe because all of the stories they hear about him don't tend to have a civil ending. it's sort of like he only shows his softer side in private, which makes sense if you think about it as he probably has an endless list of enemies and the last thing he needs is having someone/something close to him used against him for blackmail or whatnot.

ᰔ sylus' heartbeat, is he actually human? i remember that before sylus came out a lot of us seemed to think that raising his heartbeat would be worse than how it already is to try and raise zayne's, although if you've tried to do it you'll notice his heartbeat tends to be very fast almost all the time. his heartbeat in game is about 90-105 in the morning and then in the afternoon/evening time it ranges between 100-164. even though it varies, it's still a faster heartbeat than the norm. but why is it more faster later on in the day? i mean it could be because he has a preference for doing things at night which explains why his heartbeat seems to be more active during those later times of the day - but regardless, it's still overly fast.

a resting heartbeat usually ranges between 60-100bpm, unless of course excercise becomes a factor - but even then sylus doesn't go red or show any physical signs that can explain why his heartbeat is so high. so the only explanation as to how his heartbeat is so fast is because he simply isn't human. but to be fair, a crow's heartbeat is usually between 150 to 200 on average when awake and can rise up to 600 when resting, but then again just because his familiar/pet is a crow and he's associated with crows it doesn't exactly confirm that he himself is a crow-human... hybrid. so... then what is he? well, there's a part in the main chapter, a flashback of some sort, where mc is reliving a memory for a bit. she's seen to be holding a hand - a hand that doesn't look very human - and called it "sylus". the creature seems to look like a wanderer, and if it really is sylus but in wanderer form, i presume he''s stuck in the transition stages (if you're familiar with zayne's dawnbreaker lore, this'll make more sense) from human to wanderer as mc can still recognise him (?) as she's holding his hand (we assume) it might be that she's resonating with him? perhaps this halted the transition process or something... but it's not clear enough to indicate what exactly is happening, from what we can tell mc appears to be covered in blood and they both seem to be injured but other than that the whole ordeal looks quite bizarre.

within the main story chapter we also see the little girl describe sylus as a monster with horns and huge wings who can never die. from what we've seen of sylus' regeneration ability (his self-healing) during that part when mc shot him (actually, it was sylus who pushed down the trigger, using mc's finger but i'll go more indepth on that below), and he healed only moments later - further proving the little girls rumor that sylus is invincible. the other attributes in her description (horns, big wings and being a monster) seems like she's just describing a devillish like wanderer, which sort of sounds like how sylus would be if he were to be one...

if we go back to the experiments involving core fragments, the people who participated in the experiment said that one is to "implant a core in a person't heart" and the other is to "implant a consciousness in a high level wanderer body" and so from here we know that mc is the former and sylus could possibly be the latter, that is - if he truly was one of the test subjects.

also, in the destiny cafe he has an interaction that says he likes observing humans and also says that things without heart are more loyal.

going back to that main story scene where there's a memory/flashback of mc and the wanderer-like being, we see the creature hand over something to mc which looks like a sword with his claw-like hands. the bottom looked like it was inlaid with a red core a red ruby, so if this wanderer thingy isn't sylus himself perhaps it was sent by sylus (?) somehow… which could be why mc says his name. the wanderer asks mc to hold it tightly and at this point (if this wanderer really is sylus) he hasn't completely transitioned into a wanderer yet as he can still talk to mc.

so if the creature/wanderer really is sylus, from what we can gather - sylus was turned into a wanderer. if mc didn't kill him, then he might've completely turned into a wanderer, which is why he said "because if you don't, there's no going back", and so sylus in his wanderer form handed mc the weapon when he was still conscious so that mc could pierce his heart and prevent him from becoming a wanderer and losing consciousness. though it doesn't look like she chose to kill him and instead opted to resonate with sylus which ultimately made his self-healing ability increase/double in power. at the same time this pulled on the energy from mc's aether core and altered the heart in sylus body, reshaping it in such way that he can now regenerate/self-heal. it also paused his transition into become a wanderer. as pointed out, this only happened because of mc resonating with sylus - which is why the voice in mc's head tells her "it's your power", because without her sylus wouldn't of gained such abilities and be able to manipulate with his evol as much as he can now. maybe the real reason why he wants to resonate with her so badly is because he wants to give mc her power back so that she can be as strong and as powerful as she once was. i'm not saying he feels 'guilty' for mc choosing to use her abilities to save sylus' life but i feel like he feels as if its his time to pay his debt to her and give her back what was rightfully hers, even if that meant he'd die in the process (which most likely will happen if he were successful). the part in the main story where sylus is on a throne and he uses his evol to pull her onto his lap and then allows her to point a gun at him and shoot him, he notes her hesitation and clasps his own hand around hers - and if you look closely in that scene he pushes down the trigger himself (pressing down on her finger) so that the shot goes through his chest. maybe he thought her power would restore to her if he was killed by her hand. when she realises whats happened, she feels immense guilt and regret, believing she was the cause of this. mc says something like "you can't die yet" in a way as if she's known him forever and not for the few hours/days we are shown in the story so far. he makes a remark, and talks a little smug over mc feeling bad for what happened. at this point, he's probably realised that his evol was beginning to take effect because of the failure to resonate with mc - meaning he was going to regenerate and not die like he assumed he would.

going back to that wanderer memory/flashback, after mc resonates with the sylus-wanderer it must've reversed the wanderers body back to human. the use of her evol in all of this must've altered fate and went beyond the rules of the unprecendented and unparalleled, sylus has also said "someone has already overcome fate" and that people have done it/conquered fate before him (source: abyssal chaos) most likely referring to how mc changed his fate so that he wouldn't turn into a wanderer. he also says something about being told a blood-soaked disaster would be waiting for him, but he twisted fate by bringing a blood-soaked disaster to other people. it seems like to me, that there is a possibility for loopholes and changes of destiny in the deepspace but it's not something that can happen so easily.

sort of like how zayne was punished for defying astra, mc must've payed a price for going against the laws of fate to save sylus. i guess this means her paid price was the result of her death as she must've been overly exhausted from the loss of energy spent to save sylus.

sylus also said mc owed him a "farewell ceremony bigger than death" because the love-hate story between them has not come to an end yet, even if she died first. i haven't read his anecdotes yet but i've heard that he searched in all the galaxies across time and space to find the mc again, only to find her in linkon city (similar to xavier's situation with mc really).

ᰔ the significance of sylus giving mc wine someone pointed out that when sylus gave mc the wine it was somewhat similar to hades giving persephone the pomegranate seeds. if you're unfamiliar with hades and persephone's story to put it short, when persephone was going to leave hades gave her pomegranate seeds and she consumed them without much thought only to later realise that she was now unable to leave now that she had consumed food from the underworld, ultimately meaning she had to stay with hades forever. i really like this theory because it does really amplify sylus' possessiveness. not to mention one of his chat bubbles is literally a pomegranate... if that doesn't solidify this theory i don't know what else will.

ᰔ so was sylus also experimented on? a lot of the scenery associated with sylus seems to show much about cages/being restricted/tamed/tied up, it could possibly nod towards being experimented on (like how mc was) which is why sylus tells mc that they are the same and true kindred spirits. even if he didn't go through the exact same experiments mc was put through its possible he went through something similar. he does have aether core inside of him after all, just like mc, and i highly doubt he was just 'born' with it, it must've been planted there by something or someone or maybe it has something to do with one of his past lives (?).

ᰔ sylus and astra, what's the extent of sylus' evol? now onto some juicy stuff, i've seen some talk about sylus being astra personified and although sylus being astra might be a little far-fetched, i do think there's some sort of connection. in zayne's foreseer myth, there's a part that says “astra gifted one of his eyes to the foreseer. by walking the winding path of time did the foreseer understand its passing.” since zayne still sees his alternate lives when he’s dreaming, it’s safe to assume that he’s still connected to that foreseer eye, but what about the other eye? isn't it strange that it's only one of sylus' eyes that glow... when mc asks sylus if his eye is an aether core he doesn’t say yes, he responds with “something like that”. if the foreseer’s eye sees one’s fate then sylus’ eye sees one’s true desires - as evident through what we see in the main story. there's also a part in zayne's last myth that sort of links back to this: “it’s said the god wields the power of yin and yang, governing life and death.”

we know astra granted his eye to zayne, but what about sylus? was it a gift too or did he steal it? and again, it's possible he was a victim of one of the experiments that happened all those years ago.

now this brings attention to rafayel's heart. was that astra's too, the aether core? if mc has an aether core, and sylus and rafayel have one too… perhaps these are all just fragments of the real aether, and maybe there's 5 fragments in total meaning xavier and caleb may have one too... mc is also heavily affected by sylus' evol which is probably due to her playing a part in how strong it has become or because his evol in general can mess with anyone regardless if they're an ordinary evolver or not. it's pretty obvious at this point that his evol is most probably the strongest we've witnessed yet, not only does he has multiple abilities and an aether core, but some of mc's power too (if the wanderer = sylus theory is correct). it's also important to note that sylus' self-healing ability which essentially allows him to survive death is similar to how mc could come back to life after the many experiments she was put through that killed her each time, i guess this confirms that the only reason sylus obtained this ability in the first place was when mc chose to save him and resonate with him once upon a time. unlike mc, he remembers everything - or so it seems. to mc his words may seem cryptic, but he probably does know more than he lets on and he just chooses to be very vague with what he says (probably out of protection, it seems he wants answers - perhaps after he gets his answers he will be more open with mc and trying to get her to remember).

ᰔ sylus and caleb/ever group (?) in the main story, when speaking about ever group sylus seems to regard them in distaste. of course, as onychinus and ever are two different groups entirely, we can assume they're also on two sides and are potential enemies. sylus makes it seem as if he's quite familiar with them, probably having dealt with them on a few occasions, but with the way he speaks of them i presume they weren't very delightful occasions. there is a part where sylus says to mc, "the people closest to you might be the ones who want to kill you the most.” which could refer to josephine and how she quite literally participated in the experiments that repetitively killed mc. but i primarily think this line has everything to do with caleb. i get the sense that the only reason sylus can know caleb is through ever group and we all can tell caleb is associated with something bigger than the aerospace academy. so if caleb truly is part of ever group, then we know one potential reason as to why sylus dislikes them, or more specifically caleb. there's also an official artwork (see below) that has a white, red-eyed snake wrapped around caleb's arm. the snake could very much represent sylus in a way. the art itself can allude to when mc went into the no hunt zone. she takes on the role as a sinner by pretending to betray the hunters, and as caleb is speculated to be the guy in the shadows in chapter 8, there's a possibility that sylus might be forcing caleb to pretend to be dead/betray mc which is why he is maintaining a low profile. as sylus is the snake and has control over caleb like a puppet with strings, in the art we can also see that both caleb and mc are tempted to eat the forbidden fruit - however, mc is able to freely do so whereas with caleb’s side of the art it looks like he will get bitten by the snake if he even dares to, it's as if there are consequences if mc ever finds out that caleb is actually alive.

that's all i've gathered for now <3 i'll update as i find more and read more of his cards (as well as the new world underneath stories... i haven't read those yet) but it might take a while for me to update because i'm swamped with work :T but anywho, thank you for reading :3 pls let me know your thoughts! (⭒•͈ 𓎺 •͈ )

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000marie198 · 8 months ago

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Are there any sonic au’s you would recommend? I am trying to find more to get into so would love to know if you have any favourites out there :D

Hello! Oh there are so many! :D I definitely have some favorites and some which aren't favs but are pretty great.

Putting these under the cut because there are so many! And there's definitely more cool AUs that I haven't seen or haven't saved.

Anyways, please enjoy my personal selection:

Seven Years Too Soon by NightFuchia. Basically what if a much younger Sonic accidentally set Shadow free from Prison Island. It has awesome characterization and happens to be one of my favorite stories. The rest of Team Sonic is also present

Brotherhood's Twist by @/drawloverlala even though I don't think it counts entirely as Au but it still sort of does. Unbreakable Bond ageswitch due to Zeti's meddling.

Passion's @sonic-tangled-au . I love it! So very much. The lore and backstories are so good.

Noonui's World Restored in Imbalanced Chaos au. Extremely engaging and good. Has a bunch of world building and fun concepts and lore.

Sonic's Super Totally Awesome Mixtape, though it seems to be discontinued, I'm not sure. It's pretty good so far! Takes place in the movie verse.

@brainworms-all-night-long is working on a Dreamtale Au which I'm hyped for. The tag in use is 'dreamtale and sonic tomfoolery'.

@/the-starlight-project comic is pretty good too. Mystery! And emotions. So many emotions ough.

And there's @the-emerald-isle-au by @0vergrowngraveyard . Very intriguing. 👀

Please do check out the Pandora Au by @/starrjoy. It's great!

The Fair Folk by Irritable_Fabulamancer, this fic is one of my favorites! Team Sonic as Fae my beloved! I love fae AUs.

On that note, if you're alright wanting to read a Fae!AU which is pretty much a sonadow fic, there is also I don't believe in fairy tales [but I believe in you and me]. Fantasy and Fae! Satbk inspired, another one that had me hooked.

My Arms Are Blue by thekyuubivixen and its unofficial, fan-continuation (My Arms Are Blue! Final Four Edition) by PlaystationPassenger. The story doesn't completely count as an AU but I'm recommending them anyway cuz they're really really good and has that watching your own show from different dimension trope. It's also hilarious and fun.

Burning Arrow, Wildfire Heart by Taranea is SatSR novelisation AU with Sonic's other friends present too, it's pretty fun. Not very accurate regarding the desert but it's a good read and I come back to reread it often. Must read in my opinion. Just don't dare use it as guide for desert travel or you'll be shriveled up in the sand somewhere

This fic. Read it, I will not elaborate this one. Just trust me :]

And don't miss out on @shadofiredragon's Legends Never Die fic. It's a future fic! And an awesome one. I won't spoil much but it is so good. She also has lots of fun AUs in the works.

Down the Foxhole series by MoonlitNightin. Sonic Prime AU series which is great! Tails' pov. The Shatterverses have their own Sonics. Engaging and great.

Feel free to check out @/Son1c's 10verse and other AUs. Those are some pretty great ones. Love the different lore and variants given to the Shatterverses in 10verse.

Spirit of the Wind by TrenchCoatGecko. Satbk inspired fantasy au. Sonamy, has focus on magic and lore and other characters as well.

If you'd like some Forces angst with Unbreakable Bond focus, please do read Illusionary are your arms around me by @nixoon-again. The feels will kill you /pos

Chaos Barren by but_why_not. I forgot to add this earlier (this is an edited addition). Takes place in the Blue Devils AU, great story!

Baby Tails shenanigans by @myymi . Tails got turned into itty bitty infant kit. (And also check @0vergrowngraveyard 'baby tails' tag for more little gremlin scenarios)

Myla is also working on @tails-and-the-ink-machine au

Feral au by Oneshot_bravo. Little short stories or drabbles taking place in Unleashed but the werehog is feral yet keeps his memories. Very lighthearted and fun and cute

Three or more foxes form a skulk by @/chiropter36 . Post Prime au fic, loved it! Go read.

Also, @donelywell 'roadtrip! sonic au' and 'Casino Nights Au'

Haven't yet started reading The Fox's Burrow by @/space-gutz but I'm planning to. Recommending it either way cuz I feel like it's gonna be good. Unbreakable Bond but ageswaped au.

@/sonicchaoscontrol comic. Another in-progress au which is also quite intriguing. Sonic jumps through a portal and exits in future where the planet is a mess. The mystery of what and how it all happened and what's going on slowly unfolds.

The Buzzsaw Dillemma by redpenship. I haven't personally read it myself but I've heard many good things about it, especially it's world building.

Incomplete and won't be updated anymore but if you haven't read them yet, DO NOT miss out on Ghosts of the Future and The Murder of Me fancomics by Evan Stanley (spiritsonic) and Gigi Deutrix (gigi-D) respectively. They're a must read. Both are available on DeviantArt.

The Heart of a Monster comic, @/the-heart-of-a-monster. It's in progress and updates regularly. Unleashed retelling, really really good with some extra lore and everyone involved.

Sometimes the Picket Fence isn’t Perfect and Sharp Edges (Sonic Prime AU) series by @/skimmingthesurfaces. I'm holding off the first one to read later, like that one book you've been saving so I'm not sure if it completely counts as an AU, still putting it in recs, and the second one is intriguing so far. I have heard a lot of good thing about the Picket Fence series.

Dark Boom by Smash50. The entirety of Team Dark in the Sonic Boom universe. Alongside it, there's also Boomtober by the same author.

It Always Snows by the 24th by Selendred had me hooked even though it's a oneshot. Great au and would love to see it explored more.

No One said I Wish by SylWritesStuff. One of my fav stories from the Sonic Platonic Fairytale Week event. It's really funny.

Sonic Phantom Forces (SPF) au comic. Sonic Forces au, blue boy gets taken away but not in the way you think, pretty cool story so far. It's in-progress and available on both Tumblr and DeviantArt. @/spfau

If Black Doom tried to be a better father by Tirainy. Don't take this one seriously. It's pure comedy and I love every second of it. Shadow is having a time for sure XD.

Silent Talkers by @brainworms-all-night-long. Takes place in the Prime Bros verse, feels intensified, all the good ones. A must read, trust me.

And speaking of the Prime Bros AU (in which all Shatterverse foxes also got adopted by Sonic and are now brothers), feel free to scroll through the 'prime bros' tag here. So many awesome posts for this particular au by everyone!

There's so many more, cool ones, epic ones. I haven't saved all and I'm probably forgetting some great ones too so I'm leaving this open for others to add. If y'all have more cool AUs, plz add to these (I wanna check em out too)

....

And now a few from the Fanfiction.net site because it doesn't have much audience compared to AO3 and there are some actual gems hidden there;

Premonition by thekiyuubivixen (not entirely an au but it feels like one due to the unique ability Sonic gains)

The Sonic Project by SconnieSA. Rated M but it's a pretty awesome AU and the rating is due to more serious themes and uncensored language in some parts. Highly recommending this one

Survivor's Resolve by DC111. Not entirely an AU but I must rec this fic it's so good and doea havs some AU vibes.

Sonic the Hedgehog: Attorney of Law by thedraconicwerewolf. Ace Attorney type AU with Sonic and Tails as main characters. Not too adventurous but very very fun and interesting and still managed to keep Sonic in character. Though it has a sequel started, I only rec the main story, not the sequal as it seems to be abandoned and isn't needed to be read like them cliffhanger stories.

beLIEve by Meow21. I have only read snippets from this, waiting for this story to continue but it seems to be discontinued. Felt like an epic story too and deserves to be recommended.

Sonic and the Golden Journey. Sonic gets thrown in another storybook, this time it's a children's classic fairytale. Short but very comedic and fun. Go read it.

Tales of a Samurai. I am begging you to read this one, please it's so good. Also by Taranea.

Wonderful and it's sequal Sanctuary by Inflamore for some Unbreakable Bond angst. (Kindly ignore the obliviousness of earlier ff.net for not knowing the meaning of certain symbols, there's nothing of the sort in story, trust me.)

Regrets by MazzyBooks. A high school au of sorts. Sonic centric with some heavy angst. I'm not kidding about the angst part, trust me. It had me hooked from the first chapter though and I believe it deserves a rec.

You need the cracks (to let the light shine through) by king.needlemouse. Istg this is the most underrated thing I've ever come across, it's one of my absolute favorite fics which I can never forget. Do read it.

Within this Nightmare by sonicfan1990. Sonic get transported to an alternate universe which has gone post apocalyptic and his counterpart in that universe has been dead. Pretty great story, lots of angst and everything.

And that's all I could remember and have saved for now. I'm leaving this open to more AU recs (yes even self plugs are welcome) so if you know any I missed, plz feel free to add. I hope you enjoy all these great AUs!

Thanks for the ask!

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citrus-writing · 3 months ago

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Hi!! I’ve got some thoughts about yandere!Neon x nen-user + bodyguard!Y/N that I wanna share with you

It all started with something like: "She’s pretty, I want her to be my bodyguard!" Yeah, she liked Y/N just as a "decoration" that’d look good next to her.

Later, she wanted Y/N to be her friend. Moreover, it was important for her that it was Y/N who first suggested that she go beyond the relationship of “bodyguard and boss”.

Neon is spoiled by her father. She gets everything she wants, so maybe she’d think that Y/N's favor can be bought with expensive gifts. Her first gift was new clothes, because according to her, Y/N's old clothes didn't fit her at all! One of Neon’s last gifts was a ring with beautiful pink gemstone (Neon’s got the same, but with gemstone of Y/N’s eye color).

After some time, her sympathy grew into an obsession and a desire to be the only one who owns Y/N's heart and mind. Neon's father burdened Y/N with more and more responsibilities, which led to Y/N starting to feel like a maid(wife) rather than a bodyguard.

At this point, it's too late to try to get rid of Neon. Now she will never let go of her beloved Y/N!

If Y/N already have got a lover, Neon’ll ask her father to kill them.

Also, I think Neon is romantic. I'm 100% sure that if she falls in love, she'll be like Illumi in some way—it'll be important to Neon that Y/N acts according to her vanilla fantasies. However, the punishments for long-term "disobedience" will be her tantrums and scandals. (Also Neon's wishes are much more obvious than Illumi's XD).

I’m sorry for mistakes, eng isn’t my first language and I was a little nervous while writing this

Thank you so much for sending this in, it was a joy to read! I was so inspired I had to sit down and write something out immediately before my thoughts got away. Please don't be nervous to send me things!

You’re 100% right about neon, her spoiled and bratty nature makes her a doting and controlling yandere who needs constant attention from her beloved darling.

I may actually write some more stuff for yandere neon, because I think she’s perfect for it.

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I’ve always loved the idea of neon falling for someone who works for her, either as a bodyguard or a maid, it feels natural that someone like neon- who is always surrounded by people she could be considered above- would fall for someone who works for her and who is paid to put up with her. Because she has so few friends, or even people who care about her, I can imagine her getting attached fairly easily.

Afterall, you’re a breath of fresh air to her, as you're likely not involved in crime or the mafia, and you're brand new to her life. She sees you as somewhat innocent, not unlike herself, and she wants to protect you, no matter how strong or capable you are. To neon, you're a kind person, and people like that need to be protected and looked after.

I imagine working for neon would be draining; she totes you around like your her newest handbag, showing you off to anyone who will listen, eagerly dressing you up in outfits to match hers, eagerly buying you gifts, even when you say you don't want them. She insists you be with her constantly, throwing tantrums if you try to take days off.

Her presence is suffocating- but some part of you still feels bad for her. Neon is a girl who is treated like an object by everyone around her, and because of that, you feel sympathy for her. Sure, she’s spoiled and bratty, but deep down she’s a nice girl with a big heart- you’ve seen firsthand how loving she can be towards those she cares about-- even though you haven't seen the half of it yet.

Despite neon being your boss, it’s possible you may actually start to see her as a friend- even with her obsessive tendencies, neon can be very sweet and endearing, and it’s possible she may win you over by being friendly with you. She buys you gifts, expensive things she knows will impress you, but you're more impressed with how she always seems to know what sort of thing you’d like- it’s like she knows you better than you know yourself. It’d be creepy if the gesture wasn't so kind.

The ring neon gets for you is beautiful- pink gemstones that glitter in the light, but you feel you can't accept it, afterall, this must have been expensive, and it was more so the kind of thing you would buy a lover than a friend. But neon insists it’s fine, that she bought it just for you and she wants you to have it. How can you say no? It takes a couple days before you notice she wears a matching ring on her hand as well.

Neon is a lot like illumi, in several ways.

First, they’re home lives are a little bit similar- both coming from families involved in crime, both possessing nen abilities, and both being rather wealthy.

Another way they’re similar is the desire to make you a part of their family- both neon and illumi would desperately want you to like and get along with their families. They both share a fixation on the idea of marriage, neon’s gifts of matching rings is the first hint that she desires to be your wife.

Neon craves a domestic life with you, one where you can truly love her as she’s come to love you, one where your days are filled with nothing but each other, as are your nights. She wants to spoil you and dote on you, and any refusal of her wishes is met with tantrums and fits.

So just play along with her, it’s easier that way, and deep down, you know that.

#neon nostrade #yandere neon #yandere neon nostrade #female yandere #yandere girl #hxh #yandere hxh #hunter x hunter #x reader #yandere #sfw #fem yandere #yandere hunter x hunter

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goopi-e · 2 months ago

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Okay, so I am not going to spoil anything (mostly because I'm not far enough to spoil anything meaningful yet), but I've been checking out A Certain Videogame...

...And "good" doesn't even begin to describe it.

It's so wonderful and refreshing, not only compared to what came immediately before, but just in general. There's nothing to worry about, there's nothing to be disappointed by, just pure joy on every step of the way. The whole thing feels as if it was tailored to fit my dreams, it's so unbelievably in tune with what I love about this series. God, it's such a Zеlda game. I am thriving.

The echo gameplay scratches the same itch I usually look for in randomizers — I've always loved non-sword combat and creative/loophole-y item usage based on some obscure, interconnected mechanics. The bind mechanic looks like something more applicable to dungeons, which I haven't seen a lot of yet, and I'm still getting used to it, but I've always loved Mаgnеsis/Ultrаhаnd, so it's not a bad addition. And, even early on, the sword gameplay is nearly not as scarce as I feared — the gauge replenishments are easy to find.

Another little thing that, despite not being the merit of the game itself, still brings me immense joy, is... It comes in Russian! And features many classic enemies and worldbuilding elements that weren't in any games previously translated to Russian! And you don't even have to scrape through the text dump or whatever, everything is conveniently placed in a compendium-ish system! You have no idea how much it pained me to not know what an official translation for the term "redead" was. Man, I love it when videogames have compendiums.

And from what little (very little) spoilers I saw of the plot-related stuff... I am pretty pleased, too. The story looks pretty intriguing as far as this series goes, I didn't think it'd steer in this direction. At this point, knowing what I know, I don't think the game can pull anything to suddenly become disappointing in that regard.

tl;dr: This game tastes like hope. Immediate fave.

#unbelievable. legebd of zebda good.

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hooked-on-elvis · 3 months ago

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"My Boy" (1973-1974)

Recorded on December 13, 1973 at Stax Studios, Memphis · Released on March 20, 1974 · Album: Good Times

MUSICIANS Guitar: James Burton, Johnny Christopher, Charlie Hodge. Bass: Norbert Putnam. Drums: Ronnie Tutt. Piano & Organ: David Briggs, Per-Erik Hallin. Vocals: Kathy Westmoreland, Mary (Jeannie) Greene, Mary Holladay, Susan Pilkington, Voice, J.D. Sumner & The Stamps. OVERDUBS Guitar: Dennis Linde, Alan Rush. Percussion: Rob Galbraith. Piano: Bobby Ogdin. Organ: Randy Cullers. Vocals: Ginger Holladay, Mary Holladay, Mary Cain.

RELEASES In March 1974 "My Boy" was first released on the album "Good Times", and in January 1975 the song came out as Side-A single (backed with "Thinking About You".

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The master of “My Boy” was lengthened by splicing on a repeat of the last section.

"MY BOY" — LYRICS Songwriters: Bill Martin/Phil Coulter/Claude Francois/Jean-Pierre Bourtayre You're sleeping son, I know But really, this can't wait I wanted to explain Before it gets too late For your mother and me Love has finally died This is no happy home But God knows how I've tried Because you're all I have, my boy You are my life, my pride, my joy And if I stay, I stay because of you, my boy I know it's hard to understand Why did we ever start? We're more like strangers now Each acting out a part I have laughed, I have cried I've lost every game Taken all I can take But I'll stay here just the same Because you're all I have, my boy You are my life, my pride, my joy And if I stay, I stay because of you, my boy Sleep on, you haven't heard a word Perhaps it's just as well Why spoil your little dreams Why put you through the hell Life is no fairy tale As one day you will know But now you're just a child I'll stay here and watch you grow Because you're all I have, my boy You are my life, my pride, my joy And if I stay, I stay because of you, my boy Because you're all I have, my boy You are my life, my pride, my joy And if I stay, I stay because of you, my boy Yeah, because you're all I have, my boy You are my life, my pride, my joy And if I stay, I stay because of you, my boy Oh, because you're all I have

TAKES · FROM FIRST TO MASTER

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THE TAKE 2 Studio Sessions for RCA · December 13, 1973: Stax Studios, Memphis Please, read what Ernst Jorgensen says about the moment "My Boy" was being recorded, and listen to the take. -- The next night Elvis began with a song from his live repertoire, “My Boy,” which had been included in the August Las Vegas show. The song told the traumatic tale of losing a child through divorce, but Elvis wanted to be done with it fast. When Felton pushed for a third take, he exploded: “I told you to get this goddamn thing in two takes. I can’t sing it no more.” Take three was actually better; it lacked the long fade out Felton wanted, but he knew better than to ask for another, confident that he could loop it in mixing to get the effect he wanted. Excerpt: "Elvis Presley, A Life in Music: The Complete Recording Sessions" by Ernst Jorgensen. Foreword by Peter Guralnick (1998) -- So, when I first read this part of Jorgensen's book I hadn't listen to that take yet, but now that I did I don't take Elvis' comment as "he exploded", do you? If that was Elvis exploding, I have to reconsider a lot of the stories about his supposed short-tempered moments. Just saying. He sounded pretty like just casually commenting rather than snapping at Felton like the description of the moment made it look like. Still, I personally think that comment came for a reason, maybe EP was too polite - or too embarrassed - to show how affected by the lyrics of that song he was. Below is the take two alone, if you prefer to go straight to the point go to min. 3:50.

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Elvis and Lisa Marie Presley at Baptist Memorial Hospital in Memphis, TN, on February, 1968. ♥

I must have been the only person in the fandom who hadn't seen this picture before. So cute! I'm meltinnnggg! Is it real? Looks edited, IDK. Anyway, what are your thoughts about Elvis' recording of My Boy? Do you think it had a meaning to him?

#elvis presley #elvis history #elvis music #elvis discography #good times #1974 #elvis songs #“My Boy”#1975 #elvis #elvis recording sessions #elvis at stax #70s elvis #elvis the king #Youtube #Spotify

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dalimarisdaddy1967 · 1 month ago

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My Collection Is Finally Complete!

Did you guys know there are Mystery Case Files books? I did! There are 4 of them to be exact and after trying for forever to get them I have acquired all 4 and wanted to show them off! If any of you lovely people have read these, please don't spoil them. I haven't yet but I plan to soon.

Here are all 4 of the Mystery Case Files books. The series of books are called Blackpool Mysteries and they were written by Jordan Gray and distributed by a company called Harlequin Enterprises. The titles are Stolen, Vanished, Submerged & Unearthed. As I said, I haven't read them yet but I just love the thought of having them all finally! You guys know how obsessed with Mystery Case Files I am so this is definitely a dream come true for me! For anyone looking to get these, I got them for a decent price on Amazon. I got mine used, hence the creases and marks but I'm not complaining. I think they also had them available new but I was fine with used! I'm just happy to have them!

Here is a close up of the first book in the series which is titled Stolen. There is a pair of old shoes on the cover with the words 'Secrets are the heart of Blackpool...' next to them. This book was published in August of 2010. At first glance, this book looks like it'll be good but let's take a look at the back.

The description on the back of the book reads:'A cozy English seaside town built on secrets and smugglers, Blackpool is a haven for tourists and home to generations of locals who like their privacy. American Molly Graham and her British husband, Michael, are considered outsiders, but feel irresistibly drawn to this town... and its darker curiosities. Because Blackpool harbors dangerous mysteries. And murder is just the beginning. A shattering scream outside the old theater leads to the victim, a woman whose past in Blackpool is linked to a seventy-year-old train wreck, a lost child and a cache of valuable paintings smuggled out of London during World War II. After a number of frustrating missteps, can Molly and Michael discover the killer in their midst? In Blackpool they know secrets run deep. And some want them hidden forever-at any cost.'

Honestly this book sounds like it will be such a good read and I love the fact it is set in Blackpool.

Here we have the second book which is titled Vanished. It was released in November of 2010. There is an arm chair with the words 'A town built on secrets and danger' next to it. This sounds so good. Before I continue to showing the back I wanna make a point about something... this cover. The room on the cover. Am I crazy or does it kinda vaguely resemble the parlor of Ravenhearst Manor?

This is a picture of the parlor as seen in Ravenhearst. I can't be the only one who thinks the cover of Vanished vaguely resembles this room right? The style of the wall, the arm chair, the picture on the wall. I could be reaching or it could merely be just a slight nod to it but come on! I'm not imagining it right?! I swear if there isn't at least a nod to the Dalimars or at least Ravenhearst Manor in this series I will be a bit disappointed! I mean they're set in Blackpool! Anyway... onto the back of the book!

Excuse the fingers and the tape and tag. My copy was a copy that was removed from a library so it still had the inventory tag thing taped to it and I had to peel it back to read the description. Anyway the back of the book reads:'Locals in the English coastal town of Blackpool don't take kindly to strangers, but newcomers Michael and Molly Graham have managed to make a few good friends. Dylan Stewart has encouraged them to join him and go native during the town's annual Seafaring Days celebrations. The event makes for lively crowds, colorful costumes-and a perfect cover for murder. Troublemaker Willis Myners is found stabbed in his boat and the police's main suspect is Dylan himself. Michael and Molly can't help but be pulled into the mystery-and deeper into the dark history of Blackpool. Amid whispers of cursed sixteenth-century coins and gyspy gold, what they discover is something far more sinister than the revenge of a jealous husband. And much more dangerous.'

That description makes it sound like a nod to Phineas Crown maybe but being in Blackpool is a little weird for that to be the case. I'm still hoping for at least a nod to the Dalimars or Ravenhearst Manor especially with this cover.

Here is the third book which is titled Submerged. It was released in February of 2011. The cover has a submerged ship and next to it are the words 'A town built on secrets and danger.' Honestly these books look so incredibly good and even if there isn't a nod to the Dalimars, which it would be kinda weird and a missed opportunity if not, I think these books will be worth the read.

The back of this book reads:'The mysteries of the English seacoast town of Blackpool linger centuries after its powerful founder died with his secrets. Newcomers Molly and Michael Graham are intrigued by the sinister curiosities of their adopted home, for though the picturesque waterfront shops are a haven for tourists, the locals keep to themselves. And most have something to hide... A preservation grant brings a massive restoration project to the marina, throwing the town into political turmoil. As Molly wades into the fray, a young woman is kidnapped, a thug turns up dead and a shipwreck is discovered in the harbor! The Grahams are plunged into a legacy of smugglers, betrayal and murder... and even deeper into the heart of Blackpool's most shocking and long-buried truths.'

See now with these books being set in Blackpool and all the talk of murder and secrets and all that... there has to be at least a nod to the Dalimars. I know I keep saying that but it would be kinda silly if not. You guys know how I am about the Dalimars, especially one of them in particular.

Here is the fourth and final book which is titled Unearthed and it was released in May of 2011. The cover has a statue of an angel on it with the words 'A town built on secrets and danger' next to it. Honestly, this cover gives me Ravenhearst vibes. Okay... I'll stop... maybe... lol.

The back of this fourth and final book of the series reads:'Behind the colorful charm and vibrant history of the English seaside town of Blackpool is a legacy of secrets. Secrets people have killed to keep hidden. But for Michael and Molly Graham, finding the truth has become personal. Their friend clings to life in a hospital-shot to keep him quiet-and the couple is driven to uncover what he would risk his life for...and what someone would murder for. But the pieces of this puzzle are as disparate as any they've faced-a sunken pirate ship, a one-legged skeleton, vengeful curses and a grim family legacy. And if they put the pieces together, will they only be digging their own graves?'

Okay... come on! Grim family legacy! If that's not a Dalimar family reference I will cease to exist cuz... come on now! That's a dead giveaway!

Anyway! That's all! These look so good! Even if there are no Dalimar or Ravenhearst references I'm sure I'll still love them cuz... it's Mystery Case Files! As I stated previously, if you want them, Amazon has a decent price for them. Not sure if they have new cuz I got them used but that's where I got them. Happy hunting!

@detectiveruth @masterdetectivemcf @macatt4c @fallenidol-453 @redrum-eht @hakurakurohime @proustianlesbian @thebiggestpartypooper @rebellovesthings @artsydon @hiddenobject-fanblog @pookiethebloodsucker @apeirotilio @ink-and-pixels @arty-girl-asks @angelsmama1968

#mystery case files #mcf #blackpool mysteries #mcf stolen #mcf vanished #mcf submerged #mcf unearthed #ravenhearst #charlesdalimar #dalimar

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evelinessa · 5 months ago

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Response to the hot takes: Phoenix is a better Dad in DD than AJ.

Reason I think this is because in AJ he abandons Trucy to work on the Jurist system for all of case 3, with no warning and apparently this isn't the first time he's done this to her. Sure you could argue he wasn't leaving his 15 yr completely alone cuz he knew Apollo would watch her but, given he doesn't know Apollo very well at this point, nor asks him to babysit his daughter makes the situation worse imo.

Meanwhile in DD he is busy with work yes but to me is much more present in her life and communicates with her regularly even while working as a lawyer, still far from a fantastic Dad in DD but seems to be better. So I'm curious as to why people think he's a better Dad in AJ cuz I just don't see it that way but maybe I'm forgetting some important details?

Also I haven't finished SOJ yet (only finished the first case yesterday and yet to start case 2) but given he risked his life in a foreign country to defend a stranger (who to be fair is 9 but it's still concerning how fast he jumps into accepting the death penalty imo) when he has a 17 daughter doesn't give me much hope for how good of a Dad he's gonna be in SOJ (but please don't spoil the future cases for me)

Strongly agree | Agree | Neutral | Disagree | Strongly disagree

Apologies in advance for this long response. It turns out I feel very strongly about a certain thing in DD, and how it pertains to Phoenix as Trucy's dad.

I won't say anything about SOJ for spoiler reasons, though I do have issue with some things in that game as well (which contributes to my feelings about Phoenix on this topic overall). Also, it's worth mentioning that I haven't played or watched the second trilogy since my first playthrough back in early 2021, so there could be important things I'm forgetting or misremembering.

I do have issues with some things in AJ, as well as things mentioned about the 7yg, but my opinion on Phoenix’s parenting there is still much more favorable than in the following two games.

For DD, Trucy isn't present much, from what I can recall. She's there occasionally at the office and says a few lines, mainly, but her largest role happens in 5-5, which is also the case where my issue lies (despite really enjoying that case overall).

Her role starts well as Phoenix's investigation assistant, but it kinda falls apart once they separate. From what I remember, she suddenly runs into the space center (to go after Apollo, I believe), and I can't remember if there's any sign of potential danger at that point, so I can't definitively say whether Phoenix should be faulted for letting her go/not going in after her.

However, once he finds out about the danger of the hostage situation, I found his reaction to that and attitude towards it for the rest of the case to be extremely underwhelming/inappropriate, to say the least.

He doesn't show nearly enough concern for his daughter's safety and life when he finds out and throughout the case, even when her life is repeatedly threatened. And as much as I love the banter between Phoenix and Miles in that case, it probably makes the relative lightheartedness (despite the high stakes for numerous people involved) stick out even more.

We're also in Phoenix’s POV—we can see his thoughts. So there can't be the excuse that he's putting on a brave face and is struggling more than we can see.

But what makes his reaction stick out the most to me is that we've seen how Phoenix has dealt with a similar situation to this before: in JFA (which I'm assuming you've played, as I'm about to mention major spoilers for it).

The rest is under the cut for 2-4 spoiler reasons, and also because this post got quite long.

Maya gets kidnapped. Her life in exchange for a not guilty verdict. Phoenix was in despair when he found out, nearly passing out, and he worried for her throughout the entire case. He even went to some questionable lengths (at first) to secure her safety.

Now, this is fine by itself. I don't have any issues here, and I think he acted appropriately. 2-4 is actually my favorite case in the series. My problem comes from when we compare the two scenarios and see how 5-5 Phoenix handles it.

Firstly, his concern should be, at the very least, the same level he showed back then. But it isn't anywhere close, when in reality, he should be much more upset at the circumstances in 5-5.

We have Maya, who was only a friend to him, an adult at the time, and also someone he'd only known for a little over a year at that point. Then we have Trucy, his daughter, not even 18 yet and Phoenix is still legally responsible for, and someone he'd raised for the last 8 years (half of her life).

Then the difference in their captors. De Killer is a cold, logical, professional assassin. He doesn't act hastily. His actions are very calculated. Maya is also his only hostage and the only insurance he has to keep Phoenix working with him and trying to defend Engarde. He wouldn't kill Maya unless there's absolutely no way for Phoenix to still defend Engarde. In that situation, Maya is too valuable. There's a certain safety and comfort in that, as Phoenix would have less worry that Maya would be killed, as long as Matt isn't declared guilty.

Let's compare this to Aura, who is acting in the opposite way to De Killer. She's not a professional killer, and the hostage situation was an act of desperation. She's more prone to acting rash and killing hostages because she's acting out of emotion and desperation to save her brother, as well as to avenge Metis.

She isn't able to think carefully and logically in that instance. It's not just business to her like it is for De Killer (his “aftercare” as he would call it). She also has numerous hostages and far more leverage than De Killer had. She could kill Trucy and still have influence over the prosecutor’s office, as they still had other hostages to worry about. Phoenix also had other reasons to take that case and keep defending, considering Athena was the defendant (though, if Trucy actually died, it could be too difficult for him to continue the case).

So, not only should the person who was taken hostage be more important to him in this instance, he should be more concerned as, logically, Trucy was at a higher risk of being killed than Maya was.

Again, I think Phoenix’s reaction in 2-4 was appropriate. The problem is with how he handles the situation in 5-5.

Even though he should be reacting more severely in the 5-5 situation, due to the increased chance of death and due to whose life is in danger—he doesn't. The concern he shows is a sliver of that, and because we have seen how he's reacted in that type of situation before, it makes the incongruity here even more obvious.

How it was handled here in comparison to 2-4 left such a bad taste in my mouth, that it significantly dragged down my opinion of Phoenix as a parent (and that's without getting into the issues I have with SOJ).

Even with that, I don't think he's a bad dad. Especially considering the amount of bad dads in this series. In a lot of ways, he probably did the best he could with the situation he and Trucy were in (during the 7yg), especially as he wasn't planning to become a father at that time and with everything going on. So I think he's good overall. But he isn't the best in the series to me.

See the fandom hot takes ask game here.

#ace attorney #aa #phoenix wright #trucy wright #maya fey #dual destinies #justice for all #ask game #answered asks

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mermaidsirennikita · 5 months ago

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I watched Pretty Woman when I was around 12. Which, first of all, my mom let me watch and read anything.

It pretty much encoded in my brain. It also played an important role in my fascination with older men with silver hair. And I love everything about it. I know it's problematic and stuff. But it's so good. Everything is perfect, casting, music, story, acting, cinematography. Romantic movies don't commit like this. I miss the beautiful, curly hair and the romantic ballads. It feels as if Hollywood is allergic to romance now.

I'm suffering from lack of good romantic movies. Please recommend some good movies.

If it makes you feel any better, I was probably younger than 12 when my mom like MADE me watch it with her lmao

And I agree so much with everything you have to say about it. Pretty Woman is, to me, the Iconique romance movie. It feels more like a romance novel, to me, than most movies. And it's sooooo sexy.

For other romantic movies, I'd recommend:

Brown Sugar (2002). This one is really fun because both of the protagonists make really bad choices sometimes! He marries the wrong person, she gets with the wrong person, it's friends to lovers the way it should be done (ie with a lot of angst). But you still root for them to get together! Also, Taye Diggs gives an absolutely perfect line delivery (like several) in this clip.

(We gonna celebrate--what? *clink clink* MY DIVOOOOOORCE!)

Always Be My Maybe (2019). Another example of friends to lovers done right, though it's really one of the things I love in books too, which is "childhood friends to strangers to lovers". So good. Also, the single best usage of a celebrating playing themselves ever with Keanu Reeves.

Imagine Me and You (2005). A sweet sapphic romcom with a bit of a moral quandary in the premise... A woman is walking down the aisle to her husband, looks over, sees florist Lena Headey, and understandably falls in love with florist Lena Headey. But like, she didn't even know she was bi, let alone that florist Lena Headey existed, so--what now? Cheesy in a very sweet way. Actually plays with infidelity in a manner that movies kinda don't as much at the moment (Brown Sugar does as well). Yet it remains heartwarming.

Faraway (2023). Nobody ever talks about this movie, even though it has so many things we always say we want—like a woman over 40 who isn't stick thin falling in love with a man over 40 who also doesn't have this insanely ripped body (and he remains hot, to be clear). In this one, a woman finds out her husband is PROBABLY cheating on her on the day of her mother's funeral. She also finds out that her mom had a secret house in Croatia! And when she goes to that house to get away from her family, there's Some Guy squatting there! And now she's kind of in a love triangle with Some Guy and a younger real estate developer who wants to buy the property...? It's delightful. I need to rewatch it.

Hit Man (2023 though let's be real it's a 2024 movie). Anyone who hasn't seen this yet--it's a romcom. It's a whole romcom. With sex in it. It's very funny, it made me attracted to Glen Powell against my will, he eats this girl out a kitchen island (and she thinks he's a hit man she almost hired to kill her husband). It's definitely got a touch of darkness, but everyone who suffers deserves to because they're like, abusive husbands and racist predatory cops. Hell yeah.

Amelie (2001). I'm sure everyone has seen Amelie by now, but if you haven't, watch Amelie. It's everything it's cracked up to be.

Argylle (2024). YEAH. YEAH. I'M PUTTING THIS ON HERE. Everyone shat all over Argylle, and I was like oh shit, what even is Argylle??? I don't wanna spoil too much, but did you know that Argylle pretty much ends on two people making out as they speed away from whimsical chaos??? Did you know that Argylle has like.. AN AMNESIA ROMANCE PLOT??? It's goofy as fuck and it is delightful.

Lisa Frankenstein (2024). Another recent one that is actually so romantic. And the monster uses a giant Hitachi magic wand on Lisa Frankenstein. Good for her.

The Through My Window trilogy I will always cite as Euroteen romance movie excellence. Like, the second movie is kinda rough, but the third makes up for it completely. It is soapy, it is ridiculous, it is EVERYTHING a good Wattpad movie should be except there's also like, an actual earnest heart to it. Ares is a king among men. Raquel is batshit insane but gets away with it because she is That Girl. I love it.

Anyway, this is far from a complete list, but try these for like, the heart feelings.

#romance novel blogging #sorta kinda

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fallloverfic · 11 months ago

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TGCF donghua Season 2, Episode 10 thoughts

This episode T-T T-T T-T T-T. Spoilers for the show and the book below. CW reference to suicide.

The dude being racist to An Le looks vaguely like a love child of Feng Xin and Nie Mingjue (the donghua version) roflmao. Animators have made little references to The Scum Villain's Self Saving System this season so I would not be surprised if someone snuck in a reference to the Mo Dao Zu Shi donghua, too lol And this is similar enough to at least one Meng Yao + Nie Mingjue scene that I can see why they'd do it here.

So the Xianle goons licking their lips is because, I imagine, whatever was in that pouch Qi Rong brought An Le infected them or maybe it was these actual soldiers or something. Makes it less mmm... Strange. Having seen recordings of an attempted assault on a principal government building with government officials inside and what bloodthirsty folks bent on literal murder of said officials get up to around that, I mean I guess it's not that..... strange......

Someone here let me know that the servant/friend is the same official from S02E01 who ran past Xie Lian to help Lang Qianqiu, which makes sense! I totally forgot he showed up then and wondered after S02E07 if he was An Le acting funny (though by the end of S02E09 he is clearly not). He does show up in the novel in that S02E01 scene, but he's not named so far as I can tell, and I don't think we see him in Yong'an flashbacks like we do here. It's neat to see the development of this side character, and how some officials reward people who support them in life (besides Xie Lian and Yin Yu).

Xie Lian seeing the guy nervously looking for Lang Qianqiu and then being like: -sigh- young love is such a trial. You should spend more time studying the blade!

Oh shit, we get a preview of Xie Lian's parents' suicide. Wow. Will we get the donghua that far please T-T

I'm just in love with Fangxin's cape. It's so beautiful trailing behind him.

I'm sorry but An Le screaming in the same way Nakahara Chuuya does whenever he's mid-Corruption in Bungo Stray Dogs made me laugh so hard roflmao Unexpected (and likely unintentional) cameo lol

Imma keep saying it, the animation in this episode is really good. The fight scene is wonderful. When they go back to Qi Rong cackling is good. The show is just pretty.

Qi Rong: "Why is everyone here so fond of crying!"

This man is tired. Can't you do a little mass murder and gloating in peace? Honestly. Hard times.

Qi Rong: "You want your parents? I haven't gone asking for mine yet!"

Aw Qi Rong, babe...

Qi Rong got anime slashed. Who could have foreseen??? /end sarcasm

Xie Lian having a sad moment about Qi Rong, thinking he died. I'm wondering what the crying scene is from, or if that's something new. Qi Rong did cry I think in one flashback (I think where he's complaining about something) but this looked sadder? And less "spoiled".

Xie Lian sadly reaching out for Lang Qianqiu T-T

Xie Lian: "Is the truth so important? . . . What's the use of him knowing that? If I killed a few less people, would that make my reasons more justified?"

I really do love this so much. Just... sometimes the truth isn't important. Sometimes the truth is more painful/results in a worse outcome. Being bluntly honest isn't always the answer. You could argue that Xie Lian sacrificing himself isn't the answer either, and it's better overall that Lang Qianqiu knows things, but I love how this story brings up this idea, that maybe ignorance was better. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, and Xie Lian did still intentionally murder two people, as part of a cover-up.

Also, "You'd rather be right than be loved," is something I think about a lot from personal experience. It's not Hua Cheng's intention, but this kind of thinking can lead down that path so easily.

Hua Cheng really feeling that "fucked around and found out" part of this whole thing. Like I don't necessarily disagree with his goal here, and Xie Lian's plan is kind of well... imperfect (to put it lightly). But I do think this is a nice moment of Hua Cheng realizing that yes, he is Xie Lian's #1 fan, he is Xie Lian's strongest believer, and Xie Lian clearly cares deeply for him in return, but this does not mean that Hua Cheng understands Xie Lian perfectly, or knows all his thoughts (does Hua Cheng know a lot about him? Yes. But Xie Lian hides a lot of what he thinks, and has done so throughout his life). When thinking about Hua Cheng, I often think of Sosuke Aizen's line in Bleach chapter 170: "Admiration is the state furthest from understanding."

Unlike other people, Hua Cheng sets himself apart by not forcing his views on Xie Lian or trying to get Xie Lian to change to suit him, and he's realizing, "Oh shit, I fucked up with that here, didn't I," because in his quest for justice, to protect Xie Lian, he did just what he hates other people doing (to an extent, it's not nearly as bad as other folks). One thing I love so much about their relationship is how much they listen to each other, and learn from each other, and how Hua Cheng tries to see Xie Lian in ways other people don't. Even here, he's seeing Xie Lian (I really love that they focused so much on Hua Cheng's expressions here, even if he's not visually doing as much as Xie Lian, it's the little clear signs of upset that mean so much). He's not interrupting Xie Lian, he's not arguing his case (though to be fair, he already mostly has). He's trying to learn and be better. They recover from this because of that. And I love that about them.

Xie Lian: "I deserve whatever punishment I get and I can't die anyway. So why not put all the blame on me?"

T-T Crying in the club, folks. This man...

Xie Lian realizing he's being mean to Hua Cheng and apologizing got me T-T He's so scared of himself and what he's capable of - and incapable of, given all his work to try and save lives and mend old anger has come to naught, and he can't fix it. He always doubts himself before others. The scars of Bai Wuxiang are all over this episode, and Xie Lian himself, figuratively and literally. All this episode I cry T-T

Xie Lian's Chinese voice actor has done such a good job. Everyone is amazing (Qi Rong's VA doing amazing), but dang, he is phenomenal this episode. You can really feel Xie Lian's desperation and sorrow.

All in all the subs were also better this episode! They still call Qi Rong the "Green Immor" for some reason, but outside maybe one slightly awkward sentence, I think it was okay! But that doesn't necessarily mean anything cause they've been good and then got worse again lol

An excellent episode. Truly phenomenal. I think one of my favorites, particularly for this ending bit with Xie Lian and Hua Cheng talking to each other.

Other episode thoughts for season 2 (didn't start till episode 3):

S02E03

S02E04

S02E05

S02E06

S02E07

S02E08

S02E09

S02E10 (you are here)

S02E11

S02E12

#Heaven Official's Blessing #HOB #TGCF #Hua Cheng #Xie Lian #Hualian #Hua Cheng/Xie Lian #Hua Cheng x Xie Lian #spoilers #Qi Rong #Lang Qianqiu #An Le #good fucking food #suicide reference #fallfthoughts

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apprenticestanheight · 1 year ago

Text

Photos- Chainshipping

Okay!! My requests are currently open for just about every single saw character or apprentice (with the exception being Logan--I haven't watched either Jigsaw or Spiral just yet and thus, don't really know much about him besides his name) so if anyone has any ideas, feel free to shoot them into my inbox--I do character x character but also love me a bit of reader insert so whatever ideas you have, I'll be happy to take a look!

fic type- this fic jumps everywhere, but the primary genres are fluff--there's angst and angsty undertones in this as well though

warnings-Adam has PTSD (though he doesn't get diagnosed) and the symptoms he exhibits are as follows: avoidance, anxiety, fears of things that relate to his time in the trap (it's never stated, more depicted, but he's afraid of the dark) and anxiety whenever something triggers the memories of the trap. He does go through an episode in relation to his PTSD post trap and the episode manifests as a panic attack kind of ordeal. There are also potential SAW X spoilers (I haven't seen the movie so please don't spoil it for me--I mention offhandedly that another attack had shown up in the news in the same place where SAW X is set, which is the extent of the spoilers for the film) this has been edited but it was edited in about an hour and fifteen minutes so it's not perfect. It's also a long fic and caps at 8.2k words

When Adam next wakes, he finds himself in a hospital room. He wakes in time to see an investigative officer enter his room, quiet on the assumption that he's still sleeping.

He scrutinizes the detective in the moments before they realize he's awake, his throat dry and his shoulder burning with the ache of a bullet that had been removed but was still left in his shoulder too long.

The detective appears to be a guy--probably taller than him but not by much, only a bit of thinning hair left to speak for what was once probably a full head. He looks, from the get-go, a little irritated, and his outfitting is a basic button down, a black tie and black pants.

For a second, Adam wonders how legal it is for detectives to intrude upon the hospital rooms of Jigsaw survivors, his gaze passing over the detectives frame once more, but he realizes that, if the detective does care, he doesn't care all that much.

Who is Adam to judge, anyway? While his work as a PI was done in the name of making enough to get the rent on his shitty apartment paid in time, he still did it. He still stalked people, watched them meet up with their secretaries to cheat on their soon-to-be-ex-wives in the middle of their divorce proceedings.

He still learned the comings and goings of innocents and allowed that to be turned against them, so even if he wants to, he can't judge the detective on the basis of legal versus illegal. He can't judge the detective for doing something that feels shady when Adam has done a number of shady things himself.

Finally, the detective looks at him, startled to find he hasn't removed his gaze from him since he first heard the hospital door creak open.

"Hello, Adam," the detective greets. "My name is Detective Eric Matthews. You escaped a trap that you were put into by the Jigsaw killer. Can you tell me how?"

Adam blinks--he can barely recall what his own name is. He doesn't know the time or the date. Why would a detective expect him to be able to explain something like that so soon?

"Uh," Adam says. "I'd rather do this at a police station or precinct. I can't remember shit, Detective, and I need at least a day to make sure my head is clear."

The detective nods dejectedly, face falling like he's disappointed in Adams response.

"All right," he says. "If there's anything I can do or anyone I can call, let me know now. I'm sure your family is worried sick."

Adam feels like it's a jab, almost, but ignores that feeling. He thinks of his mother for a second, then his father. He wonders how they're both doing before realizing he's not talked to Scott in weeks. The last person his mind lands on is Lawrence--how is he doing? Is he the reason that Adam escaped?

"No," Adam says. "I've got nobody. If I had anyone, they would've called by now, I think. Thank you for offering, though."

Eric nods, and Adam watches him go.

Very quickly, Adam realizes he's been left alone again, and when he looks to his right, out the hospital window, he finds that he's woken up in time to catch the sunset.

Adam has never found much of a point in watching the sunset alone, though, so he sighs. He turns his head so that it faces a white painted wall, gives in to the morphine-induced exhaustion and closes his eyes, falling asleep with the sunset to paint a picture perfect background.

Days pass, and in each one of them, Lawrence consumes the whole of Adams thoughts for at least two hours. Typically whenever a nurse walks in to change his IVs or renew the morphine drip that has been steadily keeping the worst of the pain from the bullet wound at bay, though sometimes when someone comes around to bring him food.

Any entrance into his hospital room can be thought to be Lawrence for a minimum of three seconds, Adam finds. He looks up, realizes it isn't Lawrence and while one part of him deflates with some sense of sadness, the other feels relieved.

It's an odd split--despite how much Adam thinks of him, he doesn't know what would make him happier; would seeing Lawrence and being assured he's fine be better? Would it be better than never seeing Lawrence again, leaving him and his mind to wonder whatever happened to the oncologist?

Detective Eric Matthews doesn't swing by his hospital room again, but the day following his first visit, a nurse came in to tell Adam that he was wanted at the police station to deliver a statement as soon as he felt ready to do so.

On his final morning in the hospital, Adam is given several written prescriptions after being honest about the pain in his shoulder--days of recovery and the pain is still there, which has lead his doctor to believe it could be chronic.

He's sent on his merry way and gets into a cab to go back to his apartment, idly wondering just how worth it it would be to call his parents.

Getting to his apartment is a trip and a half--he realizes he doesn't have his keys on him but finds them poking out from under the door, and the first thing he does after unlocking his door is turn on the light in the entryway.

He proceeds with growing anxiety through the darkness in his hallways to get to his room. When he's there, he promptly turns the light on and goes about getting himself acceptable outfitting--he's due in to make a statement at the station, and it's half past ten in the morning. Better to get it out of the way and deal with the press that's coming out of the woodwork sooner than later.

He grabs a towel and turns his bedroom light off, proceeding to his bathroom. When he turns on the water, its cold and reminiscent of the water he'd woken up in in the bathroom with Lawrence.

When he notices it and to the detriment of his neighbor who won't have access to the hot water for thirty minutes once Adam is done, he turns the knob so that the water is almost scalding.

He hates it--the way that a bit of cold water cascading from his head to his shoulders and down his torso has reminded him so easily of the bathroom. He tries to shake it but almost can't, so he moves through the movements of the shower as quickly as he can without just skipping through the entire ordeal.

He dries himself, gets dressed into a decent pair of jeans, a baggy black shirt and a dark gray flannel, and walks to the station like he used to when he was taking photos for a detective who worked there.

The route is so familiar that it's eerie, and he half wonders who it was who stalked him while was doing the stalking. He wishes he knew which one of Jigsaws accomplices it was who was making sure that they had everything set to go for his game, but then he thinks better of it.

He doesn't want to know that sort of thing, and trying to figure it out could have him in a trap worse than the one that Jigsaw had put him in in the first place.

When Adam gets to the station, he tells the secretary he's there to make a statement. At this, the secretary makes a call and a woman comes out of an office--a detective who looks all business but in the tired kind of way, with her exhausted looking partner on her heels.

"My name is Special Agent Lindsey Perez," the woman greets. "This my partner, Peter Strahm. We're with the FBI and while we've agreed that Erics approach was not the way to go about acquainting you with the police force at all, we're both glad you could come in today. We'll get you sorted in an interrogation room with some water and a cigarette. It'll only be a few minutes, Mr. Stanheight, and if there's anything else you need feel free to let us know."

Adam has nothing to say so he just shakes his head and lets Perez and Strahm lead him off. When entering the room, Perez notes that she'll bring a blanket back and some coffee--the interrogation room is exceedingly cold--which Adam finds himself thankful for. It's early November but it feels like he's found himself in the middle of a New Jersey winter with how cold the room is.

The interrogation room is cold, the seats metal, and the walls a bland and basic navy-blue-ish black color. Adam wishes he'd stayed home but realizes it's too late for that.

He knows he'll have to spend the next several hours dredging up the memories that had come back in bits and pieces during the hospital stay, the memories he'd half been trying to forget and half been trying to process.

Perez comes back after a few minutes, draping a blanket over Adams shoulders and setting a cup of coffee in front of him while he smokes the cigarette that had been left for him to smoke.

"All of this is going to be on record," Perez says. "Do you know why John Kramer chose to test you?"

"I work as a PI on occasion," Adam admits, guilt swallowing him bit by bit. "I was one piece in Lawrences game because I was hired by a detective who knows his wife and suspected cheating. Hiding in the shadows, taking photos of the unknowing, it's not exactly a redeemable quality in the eyes of a serial killer like him."

"Why did you do it?"

"I have a camera," Adam says, shrugging. "I needed to make the rent and get some cigarette money. I did what I had to, like everyone else does in Jersey."

Perez nods. "Do you have any recollection of how you escaped?"

Adam tightens the blanket around himself. His escape is one of the memories he's tried not to think about because he remembers it in excruciating detail until the distinct point where he collapses, and it's not fun to think about at all.

"A girl came in after a day or two. Tried to kill me," Adam says. "I managed to survive that somehow. A couple of days later, some guy opens the door. Drops a key by my hand and leaves the door open. I test the key on the chain, it works, I get up and I run while starving and dehydrated. Make it outside, promptly collapse, all the fun stuff."

"And do you remember how you got to the hospital?"

"No," Adam admits. It's the one blank spot in his memory that he hasn't been able to dredge anything up from. "I wish I did, but I don't. I've kind of assumed that someone saw me, called 911, exercised the rare gift of basic human decency."

Perez nods. She looks at Adam like he's broken and he kind of hates it, but then his mind snaps to Lawrence, the smell of coffee the gun in the bullet and the act of having to think about the bathroom being the thing that pulls the trigger.

"Uh," Adam starts, taking a drag of his cigarette. "Do you know anything--anything at all--about Lawrence Gordon? He was in the trap with me and I haven't stopped thinking about him since I woke up in the hospital."

Perez smiles, tired and sad. "I'll see what we can find, but last I heard he was in a private wing. His wife called the other day to ask us if we'd heard from you? Lawrence has apparently been asking after you, too."

"Thank you," it's the first time Adam has wanted to smile in days.

The questioning continues for a long couple of hours, Adam stating and restating things until his head hurts and all he wants is a bit of decent cheap takeout. He's let go when it's almost the sunset and again chooses to proceed without watching it. Maybe, when he has someone worthwhile, he'll consider watching the sun go down, but what is the point of such when you're doing it alone?

Another long few weeks pass him by. Adam gets himself a job at a Mom and Pop bookstore near the heart of the city, and with the pay raise that'll come once he's worked there six months, he'll be able to afford a decent apartment and still have money left for groceries if he shops at places known for their low costs, like Aldi or Lidl.

He doesn't stop taking photos--he's spurred on when a gallery reaches out, offers to pay him ten thousand if he can take forty photos of a theme of his choosing by the end of the year so that they can display it for five months.

A collection, they'd called it. A collection of photos with one common theme or aspect and a title of Adams choosing. He couldn't say no, even if the idea of ten thousand dollars up front played more of a part in that than he's willing to admit.

He doesn't know what the collection will be called, but as he realizes what kind of photos he's started taking, he has an idea of the theme.

Lawrence, he realizes as he goes on what has turned into one of his daily walks, would probably like that the trauma they endured didn't do anything to falter Adams love for photography.

Lawrence, Adam has also realized, has something of a permanent foothold in his mind. He is always there, always lingering, ever present in the idea of seeking Lawrence out, going searching and hoping to find.

He grins, snaps a photo of a stray cat lounging in the public gardens, when he hears a voice that is so familiar it makes his chest ache with the yearning of three weeks gone.

"Adam?" Lawrence asks. "I didn't know you liked the gardens."

They haven't spoken in weeks. Adam has been trying to figure out what to say to Lawrence for weeks, and still Lawrence gets the opportunity to speak before he does.

"I don't," Adam says, startled as he looks up to the person he likely shares some twisted kind of bond with. "I uh--I take walks now. I owe a gallery forty photos for a display by the end of December, so..."

"You take walks?" Lawrence asks, and Adam notices the cane, the way with which Lawrence leans against it. "I've been taking walks, too. It's part of the regimen I've built for myself. A walk everyday at the same time, the same route."

It's the first time they've spoken in weeks, and the fact that both of them go on walks daily is the first area in which they've found common ground? If Adam weren't so shocked by it, he would laugh at himself and at Larry, too.

"Uh," Adam pauses. "I go wherever my feet take me until I realize I've gotten lost. I work full time at a bookstore now and the long walks aren't a good thing for me, but the fresh air is nice, so I take them anyway."

"Walk with me, then?" Lawrence asks. "I mean--you don't have to walk me to my apartment or anything, but I could use the company and I really have been meaning to reach out to you."

Adam thinks on it for all of two seconds before nodding. "I could use someone to bother about my excitement with the whole gallery thing, anyway," he says. "I could tell my coworkers, but I don't know them very well, so if you're the next best thing then..."

Lawrence laughs, and Adams heart does an annoying little flip that tells him everything he needs to know but will choose to ignore for the time being.

The two of them move through the garden, occasionally stopping so that Adam can take photos of the small lakes and ravines they see because of the way that the light reflects off the water. They do it in relative silence until Adam speaks up.

"Ten thousand up front," he says. "I've never seen that kind of money before. I could get myself a decent place with it, which is the plan."

"Have you decided a theme yet?"

Adam sidesteps a bit while Lawrence keeps walking, not having realized the fact that Adam is falling behind. Adam snaps a photo of Lawrence as he moves and grins to himself.

"I haven't officially decided yet," he says. "However, I think the theme I'm going for is 'things a guy with chronic shoulder pain and a gabapentin prescription that he needs to refill at the end of next month finds beautiful post bathroom trap.'"

Lawrence, at this point, has realized that Adam has fallen back and joins him.

"You are not putting that photo in your display," he says, having realized he's the subject of the photo Adam has just taken. Adam starts walking at a pace acceptable for Lawrence, shrugging as he walks.

"I did say it was things a guy with chronic shoulder pain and a gabapentin prescription finds beautiful. Not things an oncologist who's as stubborn as he is tall finds beautiful, Larry. Had it been things you find beautiful, I don't imagine that this roll of film would have nearly as many stray cats, if any at all."

Lawrence shakes his head. "I'm not stubborn. I just don't like the view of me that exists from behind."

Adam laughs a bit, and a heaviness starts to hang in the air.

"How've you been?" Adam asks, and he almost hates it. It feels like they're past the need for the basic questions--how are you, how've been, are things all right?--but Adam supposes they're not, wonders if they ever will be.

"I've been okay, and you?"

I can't go to the part of town where the trap was, he wants to say. And I have to wait before stepping into the shower for the water to warm up because the water I woke up in was cold, and I can't stand the dark anymore--not like I used to be able to.

"I'm okay," Adam says.

He doesn't even believe himself, and he's typically a very convincing liar.

"Are you?" Lawrence asks.

"Are you?" Adam repeats. At this, they both laugh because they know they aren't okay, and they lied to spare the feelings of the other person, and neither of them are really sure if they'll ever be okay again.

Adam walks Lawrence home in a bit of comfortable lapsing silence, and says "okay," when Lawrence invites him in for coffee.

Lawrences apartment is exactly what one can expect from a recently divorced rich doctor who's just hit his forties. It's beige and brown and the dining room table reeks of quality. A KitchenAid stand mixer sits on the kitchen counter, and Lawrence has an entire espresso machine. Talk about responsible use of finances.

Adam sighs a bit after Lawrence has made him a cup of chamomile tea and everything within him has kind of stilled.

They're sitting on the brown leather couch in his living room, the curtains open to display a sunset that Adam would've paid more attention to in just about any other circumstance. There's no point in watching the sunset alone, but he has Lawrence. If they ever make it to that point, they can watch the sun go down together, Adam figures.

"I feel like I can't really escape it most days," Adam admits after some time. "Like--I was hounded by reporters and true crime junkies pretty frequently up until last week, and I saw Jigsaws name in the news the other day for something that happened in Mexico, of all places. I just don't feel like I'll ever escape Jigsaw or what happened in the bathroom."

"I've been the same way," Lawrence says. "Alison and I are getting a divorce. I haven't seen Diana since I was in the hospital--no matter how many times I've assured them both I'm fine, I can't escape it. I'm being coddled because of my experience with that bathroom. Coddled because I'm a trauma victim now."

"Well--" Adam shrugs. "That's what the bathroom did--it traumatized us, Larry. We're not the same people we used to be."

It's something that Adam hates but loves all the same. He's not the guy who used to stalk people in the name of making the rent.

Lawrence--well, Lawrence lost his foot. Of course he's changed. How can a person not change after losing something so dramatically?

Lawrence nods. Silence lapses. Adam takes a sip of his tea and tries not to tell Lawrence every last bit of the past few weeks--the yearning, the not-sleeping, the apparent fear of the dark and the inability to look at plastic bags the same way because he almost lost his life after someone tried to strangle him using one. The avoidance, the way that certain smells will have Adam back in that bathroom and terrified to the end of his wits.

"We'll get better, won't we?" Lawrence breaks the silence in two with one of the most heartbreaking sentences Adam has ever heard.

"You're the doctor," Adam says. "You tell me, Larry."

Lawrence smiles. Adam smiles back.

"The aftermath of traumatic events sometimes leads to PTSD. Even if we develop it, I think we'll be fine," Lawrence says. "The initial reactions include relief to be alive post trauma, and that can be followed by stress, fear, and anger. We might even find ourselves unable to stop thinking about it, but if we can make it through that, we will be just fine."

Adam realizes Lawrence is saying it for his own benefit--Lawrence needs this, he knows. He needs it a lot more than Adam does.

"Yeah," Adam says, nodding a bit. "Yeah. We'll be okay, Larry. Unless we do something that the motherfucker doesn't like--then we're screwed."

Lawrence laughs, shakes his head. "Those jokes aren't funny."

"Clearly they are," Adam rebuts. "If you genuinely didn't find me funny, you wouldn't be laughing."

Lawrence is still smiling, and Adam still has his camera, so he lifts it and snaps a split-second photo of Lawrence.

Lawrence turns to look at him, annoyance clear on his face. Adam bites gently at his top lip, meeting Lawrences gaze with mischief clear in his eyes.

"Yep," he says. "Into the collection that goes, Larry. One for the ages, I think."

"I really don't like being caught off guard," Lawrence says. Adam shrugs.

"And I really do like finding beauty where one doesn't expect it. I can say that I didn't expect to find your smile beautiful, so I snapped a photo," Adam shrugs. "You're not terrible to look at, Larry. Quite the opposite."

Lawrence snorts. "You flatter and distract," he says accusingly. All that Adam can do is snap another photo before he takes a sip of his tea.

"So it worked, then?" He asks, ignoring the way that his heart gives another funny little flip. "I've flattered you?"

Lawrence laughs. "What?" He asks. "I'm assuming that it means you have another plan attached to your flattery?"

Adam quirks his eyebrows. "One minute, I'm flirting to distract you from the fact that your photo is being taken and the next, you're completely and utterly infatuated with me, Larry. That's my big plan to win you over."

Lawrence shakes his head. Adam takes another sip of his tea. Silence lapses.

Adam doesn't know why, but he wants to stay. Lawrence has had a foothold in his thoughts for weeks, and even if they have a surplus of extended, uncomfortable, lapses in silence, Adam doesn't want to go anywhere.

Adam finishes his tea and gets up, leaving his camera on the couch as he tosses his teabag into the compost bin and rinses his mug.

Lawrence joins him.

"I really did mean to call," Lawrence says. "I just--recovery at the hospital, being given divorce papers, and then giving the police a statement, and then the whole circus that it was trying to deal with the press, I couldn't find the time."

Adam shrugs. "I wanted to call too, but I had to find something to do so that I could still use my phone, so that I could pay the rent. I decided from the get-go I wasn't going to do PI work anymore. Still occasionally get calls from my old contact, though."

"Do you think you could ever do it again?"

"Not a chance," Adam says. "I can't even--the idea of it consumes me with guilt. Plus, a roll of film with a bunch of stray cats is now of more use to me than a roll of film that details the comings and goings of people who go to seedy motels to cheat on their spouses. Yeah, I could make the rent being a PI but who doesn't love a stray cat lounging on the pavement? Who doesn't love working at a Mom and Pop style bookstore with a side of price gouging, honestly?"

Lawrence laughs. Adam sighs, shaking his head because he hates his job and he hates his apartment and he hates the fact that the press wouldn't leave him or Larry alone, but if it all leads to moments like that then it's all worth it.

It feels like all of the time they've spent away from each other ceases to exist. Like they're who they could've been outside the bathroom, a dynamic that nobody really expects to see because of how different their societal statuses are.

Adam looks at Lawrence with a smile. "I'm keeping those photos," he says.

Lawrences face falls, and Adam laughs.

"Not for the collection, of course," Adam feels something romantic bubble within him. He pushes it down and away. "For my own personal admiration. I've got a buddy who I haven't talked to in a while--his name is Scott Tibbs. He'll pay me decent money for photographing his band and I'll be using that to get frames once the photos develop."

"You're going to frame silly photos you took of me?" Lawrence asks. "This is the first time either of us have seen each other or talked in weeks, and this is where we're at?"

"Yeah," Adam nods. "I'm keeping you in my life, Larry, whether you like it or not. Keeping you in my life means I have to develop the photos. It also means I have to frame them and buy a shelf to put them on."

Lawrence scoffs. Adam grins.

"Well," he says. "Before you have the chance to stop me, I should go. I work a morning shift tomorrow, but you'll probably find me in the gardens, playing with the first stray cat I see around five."

"Noted," Lawrence says as Adam proceeds back to the living room. He grabs his camera, slinging it over his shoulder by the strap. "See you around five tomorrow, Adam."

Adam grins as he leaves. "Tomorrow, Larry," he says as he goes.

It seems, in a meeting that occurred by accident, Adam has found himself a new routine. It's something that excites him, though, and the high from that excitement carries him through the long walk home and lasts until he falls asleep.

Before Adam knows it, the end of 2004 has come around. He's taken more than a hundred photos and compiled forty of those photos into a theme that's suitable.

The pain of what he's experienced still kicks around, though, and it really doesn't take Adam that long to realize that the pain doesn't care where he is or what he's doing. The pain will come back around no matter what time of day it is, no matter where he is or what he's doing.

Knowing what'll trigger him is something upon which Adam can typically pride himself. He knows what makes the traumatized part of his mind start ticking and knows how to calm it down, but New Years Eve 2004, he can't figure it out.

He's giving the headliner the name of his collection when it hits--it's a burning pain in his shoulder at first, something he powers through to the best of his capability.

The collection itself is called A Unique Look at Jersey, and it's actually something of which Adam is quite proud, but the burning pain starts in his shoulder and Adam knows what it means right off the bat. Something, he knows, isn't right.

So, after he's explained the way that the photos are meant to be displayed for it to make sense and after he's been paid ten thousand dollars up front, Adam bolts out of the gallery. He rushes to his car and sits in the drivers side, trying to fend off the breakdown before it really hits him.

He glances around the area to see if he recognizes it from that black-out period between when he collapsed to the ground and when he woke in the hospital.

Nothing seems familiar, and that makes Adam want to bash his head through the car windows. He can't figure out what's set him off and it's making him so anxious that his hands are shaking.

Typically, when something sets him off, he knows what it is right out the gate. He knows when a space is too dark and he needs to get somewhere with more light or create that space himself. He knows to step out of the water, to move his hand away from it, when it's as cold as the water in the grimy bathtub was. He intentionally avoids movies wherein guns are fired and wounds are depicted or bloodied clothes are shown because that triggers the memories attached to the last words Lawrence had spoken to him before his escape.

But today, something sets him off and he doesn't know what it is. He wants to find out, though, so he does something risky.

The memory of grimy tiles beneath his feet, stale air going into his lungs, the feeling of a chain clasped to his foot, all nearly overcloud his sight as Adam drives away from the art gallery. He drives closer to the source of the episode, choosing directions based on his anxiety and how terribly it spikes whenever he takes whichever turn.

He finds himself at a building he vaguely recognizes for a split second before it hits him. The memories he'd thought were a black out--the stuff he couldn't explain to Special Agent Perez, the things he thought he'd forgotten and would never remember.

He recalls, very suddenly, the fact that, once he was in the daylight, he didn't stop running. He ran until he found a storefront, got the clerk to call 911, and then collapsed of dehydration against a window outside.

He recalls just how much it sucks to be the kind of hungry that hits when you haven't eaten in four days, how terrible the pain in his shoulder was and the odd desire to know who exactly it was who'd tried to strangle him.

It comes to a head and Adam presses his forehead against the steering wheel, hand going to find his phone so that he can dial Lawrence.

Lawrence picks up on the third ring.

"Adam?" He asks. Their daily walk is due to start in an hour. It's not like Adam to call Lawrence an hour before they walk together because they'll just be able to talk in the next hour anyway.

"Lawrence," Adam whispers. He gives a relieved sigh. "You left."

"I did," Lawrence says. "I said I'd come back for you, Adam, and I meant to. I was going to, I promise."

Adams breath is completely out of whack. He needs to find a way to make sure it normalizes again.

"All I can think about right now is the--the--" the incident. The bathroom trap. The tape, the photos, the saw that Lawrence used to cut off his own foot. The feeling of gross bathroom tiles beneath his feet and under his hands, the smell of blood and the fact that he hit Zep Hindle until he died and didn't stop once Zep had stopped moving. The fact that the Jigsaw killer was still out there and the fact that Adam was terrified to so much as smoke a cigarette because it could put him back within the killers line of fire. "Lawrence, how do I stop it? How do I stop thinking about it?"

"Where are you?" Lawrence asks, his voice urgent. "I'll meet you there, Adam. Where are you right now?"

"That's not important," Adam says dismissively. "I just don't--I can't--Lawrence, it is so hard to breathe right now."

"Adam," Lawrence whispers. "Adam."

Adam presses the back of his head against the back of his seat. He presses his eyes closed as tightly as he can and he tries to will himself to normalcy, but he can't.

He can't escape the feeling of cold tiles beneath his feet, can't escape the fear he felt waking up in that bathtub. He can't escape the burning pain in his shoulder, the ache in his lungs or the fear in his chest. He can't escape. He can't escape.

For a split second, he's back there, well and truly.

"Lawrence," he whispers. "I'm going to be okay, yeah?"

"Yeah, Adam," Lawrence whispers back.

"How can I be sure you're telling the truth?"

"I wouldn't lie to you," Lawrence says, and despite Adams attempts to stop it, he finally starts crying. He ends the call abruptly and lets himself have a breakdown in the front seat of his car, knowing he'll meet Lawrence at the garden in an hour with his camera slung across his torso as usual.

He knows that he'll pretend everything is fine, he'll wish he could just get the nerve to kiss Lawrence like he's been wanting to for a month, and he'll mention the fact that he photographed a wedding in early last month that let him put down the deposit money for a decent place near the gardens. He'll ask Lawrence how his day was and he'll take a photo that catches Lawrence off guard, and everything will be how Adam is used to it all being.

He knows that it'll go back to the way it was within the next two hours, and as he breaks down for the first time in weeks while sitting in the front seat of his car, he finds he can't wait for the time to pass.

Two hours go by. Lawrence calls Adam to ask if they can postpone the walk by an hour, and Adam uses the time to feed the stray that lives in his apartment between packing what little he owns into boxes.

He made a deal with the realtor when he put the deposit down, so the apartment will be move in ready by the 16th of the month. Adam doesn't really own much so packing hasn't been his biggest concern--his biggest concern has been the stray cat he feeds on a regular basis. He wants to take her with him, but the ten thousand covers rent for fourteen months.

During those fourteen months, however, the money that Adam used to use for rent becomes grocery money. Six hundred and fifty dollars twice a month can get a lot of groceries from Aldi and Lidl, but he wonders for a minute, how much can $100 a month get a person in cat care and maintenance?

He doesn't let the thought linger beyond the lobby of his apartment, where he pets the cat on the head and promises that she'll have a decent life someday, one where most of the enrichment she gets doesn't come from batting away at the roaches whenever they get too close.

Then, camera draped over his torso, he's off. He walks to the gardens and meets Larry at the entrance, an apology on his tongue.

Adam explains that he probably has PTSD but hasn't been seeking out a diagnosis, just accommodating for it whenever possible. He lets Lawrence give him his opinion and the two talk back and forth in a manner that has become familiar.

Eventually, Adam says something and Lawrence laughs and Adams heart does that flip that it's getting more and more impossible to push aside. He grins a bit to himself, snaps a photo of Lawrence despite his protests.

"That is definitely one for the ages," he says, though he knows it's just a blurry photo of Lawrences side profile as he smiles.

"You say that every time," Lawrence says.

"And I'm right," Adam says. "I would have to be right, Larry. You think I would waste precious, expensive camera film taking photos of things I don't think are worthy of such titles? It's one for the ages, and it is absolutely going to be framed and put onto my shelf."

"How many photos of me have you taken in the past two months?" Lawrence asks. "Seriously. You must be running out of shelf space at this point, Adam."

Off the top of his head, the number that Adam comes up with is probably concerning.

He's taken more than a hundred photos since his escape in October. At least forty photos have been of Lawrence.

"Not nearly as many as you think," Adam says with a laugh. "I mean--if you want me to waste an entire roll of film on photos of you, you've gotta buy it. Five dollars a pop for one hundred and thirty six photos, I have rent to pay, groceries to buy and maybe a cat to feed. I love you, Larry, but not enough to waste a roll of film on you when I could take photos of the sunrise or the skyscrapers or cats staring menacingly at me from low rooftops."

Lawrence laughs. Adam resists the random urge to kiss him.

"Speaking of rent," Lawrence says. "Are you still living in the place with the roaches?"

"As long as I have myself moved in by the sixteenth of next month, no," Adam says. "I'm using the ten thousand I got from the gallery showing to guarantee I have a solid spot to live in until March of 2006. I did the math and, tax and amenities included, the ten thousand will get me that far. I'll get a pay raise in April, too, and that will keep me able to afford the rent of the new spot plus groceries."

Lawrence grins. "Ah, decided not to let the roaches keep you company?"

"They get really old really quick," Adam says with a bit of a laugh. "Kill six of them in thirty minutes and you'll start to see what I mean, Larry."

Lawrence laughs. Adams heart gives a flip that Adam ignores.

"Do you have any plans for the rest of the night?" Lawrence asks.

"I was going to smoke weed," Adam says. "Eat the chips I bought with gas money last night, then hit the hay around two in the morning. Do you happen to have a better idea, Larry?"

"I have a two joints from a coworker who insists I need to loosen up," Larry says. "I meant to give them to you for Christmas, but you weren't at your place, so that fell apart."

"I was visiting the 'rents," Adam says somberly. "Went about as well as a reconnection attempt can go when your father is the one who kicked you out on your eighteenth birthday--but, that's not the point. If you want to smoke, we can! I would love to see you stoned."

Lawrence nods. "Sure," he says. "Maybe I do need to unwind. I booked tomorrow off anyway, figuring I'd get drunk on champagne and then have a hangover."

"I can't wait," Adam says. "Oh, seeing you get stoned? That's gonna be amazing."

Lawrence laughs. Adam snaps another photo. They carry on.

It's five to midnight, and neither of them have started smoking despite the presence of the joints and a matchbox. Adam is too wrapped up in the way that Lawrence is speaking, too focused on his lips and the sound of his voice.

"And it's not even like this sort of thing should be a big deal," Lawrence says. "But Alison, even when our divorce has barely been finalized two weeks, is insistent I get back on the horse, so to speak."

Adam laughs. He doesn't know what that's like, not really--Scott would occasionally help him flirt his way into a one night stand, but he's been talking to Scott less and less, only responding when Scott is the one doing the calling.

Scotts company just isn't the kind that's worth keeping--especially not after the stunt he pulled with the home-made Jigsaw trap, which he then bragged to Adam about surviving while they were within a twenty minute radius of the bathroom trap, and in the part of town Adam was consistent in avoiding because of the venue that Scotts band was playing and because Adam needed the money.

"Well, what's stopping you?" Adam asks. "Like, Larry--the dating market loves your type. Guy in his forties wanting to settle down. You're like--you're perfect to a minimum of twenty women within the tristate area."

"I think you're deluded," Lawrence says. "Twenty? Have a little bit more faith."

Adam grabs one of the joints and the matchbox, striking a match and lighting the joint without thought or care.

"Tomorrow night, or next weekend, or whenever I can actually get you to agree with me, we are going to a bar. We are drinking at least a little, and I am going to be your wingman," Adam says, though the idea of setting up the guy who he's consumed with yearning and want for with another person hurts on a whole new level of the feeling.

"No," Lawrence says. Adam inhales the smoke from the joint, passes it to Lawrence. "I don't need a wingman--I don't need a relationship right now, Adam. I have so much on my plate both with the divorce and in the romance department as it were. I don't need to get drunk or flirty with anyone when the one person I want to get drunk and flirty with is about as attracted to me as a bag of rocks."

"Who's the lucky lady?"

"The lucky lady is a photographer who is pushing thirty and has an affinity for stray cats," Lawrence says. "He's also a guy, but I guess that's just me being pedantic."

"A, twenty seven is not pushing thirty," Adam says. "It puts me on the downhill slope to thirty, which is different. B, of all of the people you could've fallen for, you chose a guy who barely has his life together? I can't judge because I find myself attracted to you, but still. All of the people you could've realized you were attracted to and it had to be the guy who you were in a weird bathroom trap with and are now probably bonded to based on our unified experiences."

Lawrence laughs. He takes a puff of the joint before passing it back to Adam, who grins at him.

"And besides, I really--you can do better than me, Larry," Adam says. "I mean--just go to a bar and look around a bit. You'll find a number of people who can't be compared to sewer rats, and I'm sure they'll be more your speed."

Lawrence is grinning, and all that Adam can think is: oh fuck.

And then Lawrence laughs, and all Adam can think is: we might destroy each other, or we might rebuild each other. I can't wait to find out which.

And then Lawrence is asking Adam if he can kiss him and Adam is laughing.

"If you want to kiss me while my lips and mouth probably taste like weed, go ahead," he says. "Yeah--Lawrence, kiss me."

And then Lawrence is kissing him and it's like Adam is on cloud nine, and Adam never wants to leave. He wants to stay in that moment for as long as he can, kissing Lawrence Gordon on his fire escape, cupping his face with one hand while relishing in the way that Lawrences hands feel when they find his hips.

Lawrence pulls away and Adam has to fight everything within him in order to keep himself from chasing his lips. He presses his forehead against Lawrences, breathy laugh falling from his lips.

"Not bad, Larry," he whispers.

Lawrence laughs, deep and throaty and perfect. "I could definitely wake up to that once in a while."

"Once in a while?" Adam asks, bringing the joint to his lips. "Oh, Larry. How you wound me."

Lawrence leans back, and Adam is looking at him.

Both of them have just realized that everything about their dynamic and their relationship has changed.

However, the kiss was so good that neither of them really give a damn.

Adam moves into his new place on the 16th, the gray and white stray cat from his old place under his arm after clearing that it was okay to take her with his previous landlord.

That night, with boxes of his things in their designated rooms, he and Larry decide to name the cat Graycie. Adam is still working out budgeting but Larry offered to foot the vet bills and to get her the beginnings of her necessities--offered meaning that Lawrence simply told him he was doing it and to consider it a late Christmas gift, because he had anticipated Adams resistance and knew that it had a fair shot of shutting him up--so that's not a concern for at least two months with all of the supplies Lawrence brought along.

But there's still the worries of furniture. His couch from the roach-infested place was...well, roach infested. His bed managed to not meet the same fate, though, so Adam is just glad he has a place to sleep.

He has plates, cutlery, cups and mugs so the whole "what will I eat off of?" question has an answer from the get-go, which is a relief, but still. There are questions that have answers and there are questions that don't. It's the questions without answers that have Adams anxiety spiking.

Still, the night that he's moved in and is sitting with Lawrence on his living room floor as Graycie the cat inspects the area by wandering from one room to the next is one of the best nights he's had in weeks.

Maybe, he thinks, it'll get better.

All that he really wants to focus on is the way that it feels to hold Lawrences face as the two of them kiss, Adams back pressed against a wall while bliss takes hold of his every sense, thought, and feeling.

Adam never really thought kissing someone could feel as good as it does to kiss Lawrence. Kissing was always just something he did--kissing a one night stand lead to sex, had the motive of getting to sex, but the way that they're kissing doesn't indicate that in the slightest.

It feels like Adam is kissing Lawrence just to kiss him, like Lawrence is kissing Adam just to kiss him in turn. It's something that Adam and his drunkest nights aren't particularly used to, but something he loves.

When Lawrence pulls away, Adam shamelessly chases his lips and laughs at himself for it, the embarrassment kicking in as Lawrence presses a kiss to the corner of his lips and Adam feels, for a moment, like he's melting.

Everything just feels so...perfect. It's something that Adam loves, something he cherishes.

It is something Adam never would've thought he deserved, but he reconciles he does deserve it. He deserves a happy ending, even if that happy ending is only finding it's beginning in an apartment that is relatively bare of furniture, sitting with his back against the wall and the lips of his fellow Jigsaw trap survivor pressed against his own.

As Graycie the cat approaches, brushing the side of her cheek against Lawrences hand before plopping into Adams lap and purring as loud as a broken car engine, he nods.

"I deserve this," he says. "I deserve to feel as happy as I do right now."

"You do," Lawrence agrees. "Even if you don't have a couch, or a kitchen table, or shelves that can hold the weight of more than two photo frames."

Adam grins, and Lawrences lips are against his again, his hand on Lawrences chest and feeling his heartbeat as it thrums through a high quality dress shirt.

He has a good life, he knows. He deserves it, he knows.

It's Lawrences presence and the sureness of the fact that Graycie the cat relies on him that causes all of his doubt to cease.

Lawrence pulls away, and Adam is grinning.

Lawrence grins, too.

Everything is perfect. It will not always be perfect, but it's perfect in that moment and Adam decides that that's what matters.

#adam stanheight #adam stanheight x lawrence gordon #chainshipping #saw 2004

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