#(under human eyes that is. we don't have research for other animals)

[heartfullofleeches]

Mad Scientist Darling + Frankenstein Dog Hybrid Yans - A recluse who's lost many companions over the decades. They haven't the time to shed a tear to the tragedy or the heart to do so either. Their main stick up over their loses was the lack of security to do their work without prying eyes and ears.

"We've seen you down at the cemetery again, Y/n." "Your science is a crime against God, Y/n." "Their body hadn't even frozen over before you took it." What headaches. They had fewer problems when their hounds were alive. Next to zero really with their loyal pets ready to snap at anyone who so much as raised their voice at their master. Sweet angels with their caretaker's safety at heart - god rest their souls. Unfortunately, after their deaths the scientist was unable to purchase more as they had been banned from all pet stores despite never using animals in their research before. Hypocrites.

They couldn't hire any human guards since they'd stab them in the back at the first sihn of greater opportunity. Alone in their study, the scientist had an epiphany. They could have the muscle and brawn of humans, and the loyalty of their hounds by simply merging the too. They weren't a genius for nothing.

A few trips to the local cemetery and morgue here. Some stitches and coding there. Sweat, tears, and more litters of blood than a person should legally be in possession of - and the scientist had their hounds back again. They were alot bigger and definitely more talkative, but they were still the same old loyal pets they once knew. There was one problem however. The hounds seemed to remember alot more of their pasts than intended - yet they never expressed any desire to return to them. The scientist was sure to bury all memories that didn't include them...

"You don't remember me, Y/n?.... We went to high school together and you were my date to prom until you stood me up. I was never able to get over you, and was hoping you'd be at the reunion."

"I was a reporter that followed you around for my big break... You let me stay the night once - after one of your dogs bit me. I kept the scarf you used to stop the blood."

"...It's none of your business..."

These....creatures. How could they have made such a mistake? This experiment turned out to be the greatest, yet most disastrous study of their time. Their pets kept the riff-raff away as instructed, but their mannerisms were - barbaric. Each would happy trot back up to their master's door with a torn limb in their mouth to trade for head pats and the scientists affection. They crowded the human's single bed and referred full rooms of their own. It wasn't uncommon for the scientist to be tackled by whomever was brave enough to encourage their frustration for a few seconds of lovestruck smothering. The loyalty of their hounds and whatever the humans held for them had warped into something truly twisted. The scientist no longer had to worry about outside threat for their security was more danger than any worry the paparazzi may bring

Crackpost under cut

Scientist Reader: Shake?

[Yan hounds shakes their hand]

Scientist Reader: Drop?

[Whining, the hound coughs up an eye into their hand]

Scientist Reader, scratching them behind the ear: Good puppy~ Now - go fetch with the others.

[Yan hound sprints off to continue mauling the screaming trespasser surrounded by the others]

-

[Scientist Reader stands in front of a counter as their hounds stand behind them attached to leashes - jaws snapping at the frightened cashier.]

Scientist Reader: Hello, Timothy. The last time I came in here- I specifically asked for no pickles. We won't have that problem again will we?"

-

Yan Hound #1: wahhh, master - they stole my arm so I couldn't hold your hand when we go out again since it's my turn.

Yan Hound #2, chewing one of their fingers: they're lying

Scientist Reader: It's alright. We'll go shopping for a new one later

[sunnysam-my]

Warning I get a bit politically and frustrated I guess.

One important message to you all. Keep your fucking indoors-outdoors beef outside of the adoption groups, post and shelters. I don't care what side you're on, do not bring it up, because by doing that you are actively harming the chances of the kitten/cat being adopted.

Here, let me explain to you a few concepts that so many people apparently can't graspt:

Not everyone can adopt any cat in need they see. That's just not possible.

Just because someone isn't trapping every single cat outdoors they see doesn't mean they're animal abuser or are single handly responsible for ecological damage.

Not every feral cat can be caught and castrated by a random person with no training or equipment.

Cats born into the wild are not homeless. Do not treat them like strays.

A feral cat is an outdoor, free-roaming cat that has never been socialized to humans and is living in a “wild” state. Because they're not socialized to people, feral cats are not adoptable. If you take them to a shelter, they will almost certainly be killed there.

In the eyes of the law of many countries feral cats born in the wild are not and, by the definition, cannot be homeless as the wilderness is their home. Taking them from their natural habitat and entrapping them in houses is wrong and in same place even illegal.

Feral cats, unlike strays, cannot live a happy life indoors. They often live in groups, called colonies, wherever they can find food. They are happier in their own territory with their colony family.

Stray cats on the other hand were once pets and are lost or abandoned. They will try to make a home near humans in garages, porches or backyards, because they relay on human help.

Not every wild-born kitten will be feral, in fact most won't, and not every feral cat can't be tamed, some can go through process of socialising to make the adoptable. That's not up to you to decided tho, unless you met the cat and know your shit.

Because people where I live (Poland) found this simple concept so hard to understand, animal shelters around me no longer accept cats from private people, only from organisations and authorities, since so many of them were people's outdoors pets and feral cats. This already makes it harder to help cats in need.

But the real problem I have is something that happens more and more nowadays and even happend to my family. A feral cat, who lives in our forest and we're trying to tame, gave birth to 7 kittens on our farm and left them in our care. Only two of 7 were feral and strong enough to live in the wild, so we tried to find homes for the rest. Upon mentioning they were born from a feral living close us we were blocked from every single adoption group. The reason? We apparently were 'abusers and breeders', because we tried to help kittens who would 100% died if left alone, instead of focusing on somehow finding cats that lives somewhere in the giant woods, capturing them with no equipment and driving with them 2h+ to make them go through abortion and castration that most of them probably wouldn't even survive. Yeah.

BTW we never found homes to those kittens, because of crazy indoor cat ladies that would shit on every single post of ours and got us blocked. Obviously we didn't leave the cats alone, considering only one in five feral kittens will live to five months of age. We were forced to travel with them 4 hours and keep them in our small house with 3 other adult cats that were not happy about the situation. Eventually we gave one to my Uncle, one was left at the vet to find home (she did), and the last one stayed.

So, for the love of God, regardless if you think cats should be indoors or outdoors DO NOT FUCKING ARGUE ABOUT IT UNDER SOMEONE "FOR ADOPTION" POSTS. Even if you're right. Do not try to bring feral cats to shelters. Do not make it some random person responsibility to deal with feral cats. If you really care about those outdoors, stray and feral cats then research the topic and try advocating for change with how we handle wild-born kittens and castration of feral cats, because right now, depending on where you live, the authorities will most probably only maybe check on them and give them food.

In case I haven't made it clear, I do not think feral cats should be just left alone, even if they shouldn't be adopted.

[theabyssinyourcloset]

The Goblin Shark

The goblin shark is a species of shark. It's also happens to be my absolute favourite.

The scientific name for this "little" creature is Mitsukurina owstoni. It's a rare species that lives in depths greater than 100 metres (330 feet for my American friends), although it can possibly dive up to 1 300 metres deep (4 270 feet) (according to some scientists). Adults usually find their habitat deeper than juveniles. They have been found in all of the major oceans, suggesting that the species lives pretty much all around the globe.

The goblin shark was first discovered around 1906 (although I'm not sure about this since my sources did not state the exact date) at the eastern coast of Japan. To this day, fewer than 50 goblin sharks have been spotted. Some dead specimens have been hauled up for research.

Studies show that the goblin shark is a pretty damn old species. It has been described as a "living fossil". It seems that it is the only surviving shark species of the Mitsukurindae family. Some fossils have been found, suggesting that other lines of species from the same family have once existed.

These sharks are usually a colour of pink. They have 26 sharp teeth in their upper jaw, and 24 in their lower. (Their jaw is unique, but I'll explain more later on in this post.) The goblin shark also has a long snout above its mouth.

Unlike most other deep-sea sharks, the goblin shark has a fully working iris. Its pupils can dilate and contract when the tiny amounts of lights are detected down in their habitat. This is most likely to help them locate prey.

This shark can grow to over 3,7 metres long (12 feet), with the estimated maximum around 7 metres (23 feet). Usually it stays between 3 and 4 metres.

The maximum weight recorded was 210 kilograms (460 pounds). I think it's pretty safe to say that these are not that small animals.

Now, what makes these creatures unique (and my favourite) is the goblin shark's jaw and hunting technique. The goblin shark hunts by thrusting its jaw forward with a velocity of 3,14 metres per second (I don't know how to tell the speed in any other way, sorry), the fastest recorded for any shark species (also faster than most cobra strikes). The jaw can extend to a length of up to 7,6 centimetres (3 inches) with an angle up to 111 degrees (for comparison, the average human can open their jaw to about 50 degrees). Pretty impressive, right?

In conclusion: The goblin shark is a deep-sea shark species that hunts by thrusting its jaw forward. We don't know much about them, since only a little under 50 specimens have been spotted within the 118 years after the first discovery at the coast of Japan.

Below I have provided pictures and a couple of gifs of these creatures. I own none of the pictures, and I made sure none of them are copyrighted.

(Please view pictures with your own risk, this creature isn't that nice-looking)

The goblin shark.

Goblin shark eating a fish.

Goblin shark trying to bite a human's arm.

Goblin shark head from below.

Goblin shark face from up close. Eye can be seen clearly.

This post was just a random idea that popped up in my head during the car ride to visit my grandpa. I decided to actually write it (despite having way better things to do). I think I might write about other sharks too. I kinda wanna write about the mako shark, the great white shark and the hammerhead shark as well. At least about them. Possibly about the megalodon. Feel free to ask any questions or request a post for any specific species of shark :)

I also want to share awareness about how misunderstood sharks are. I'll write a separate, short post about it sometime. Not here because this post would get way too long. I'll talk about the movies "Jaws" and "The Meg", because it's important to understand how these have affected our view on sharks.

Edit: guess who forgot to cite their sources *insert a skull emoji*

So then, SOURCES:

Goblin shark - Wikipedia (not the most reliable source, but I don't care)

Goblin Shark: Key Facts, Lifespan, Habitat and Information - Discovery UK

Goblin Shark - The Australian Museum

The goblin shark's slingshot jaws are the fastest of any shark species | How it works | Earth Touch News

All read on 21st January 2024 by me, The Abyss In Your Closet.

[everythingsinred]

Natsume Is a Cat (pt. 3)

If anyone is looking at this nonsense... thanks. Isn't the world golden on our side of things? Let's get back to it, to our academic and scholarly research!

Where were we? Onto cats likes and dislikes?

Cats don't much like water. They don't care for swimming and avoid it when possible (that doesn't mean they're dirty though; cats are very good at self-grooming).

Water bugs them, after all.

But the dark doesn't! Cats have a tapetum lucidum in their eyes which lets them see in the dark, so there's nothing to fear even in total darkness.

They tend to underestimate their weight and enjoy sitting on chests if they so choose, even if the person they're sitting on doesn't like it as much.

I had to include this because my cat Phoebe does this to me every night.

But they don't really like going places. They would prefer to do nothing.

You can try to make them, but they revert back to inaction. Always.

Natsume does nothing all the time. It's his favorite thing to do.

Cats also typically dislike when they're introduced to a new cat in their home. Especially at first, they might be cruel to the new cat, but in time, they might get attached.

Cats do this often. They look at you, spot your interest, and then run, for the sole purpose of making you chase them. They do this on purpose. They like the chase. They will stop and let you pet them eventually but they need to play the game first. I'm not making this up. This is true.

And to wrap things up, I will conclude with pages I had in my folder with unclear captions that I saved too long ago and now no longer remember where I was going with them.

Titled, "catlike". I agree, but I can't explain it.

Titled, "gives cat vibes." Don't know what that's supposed to mean. He does look like a black cat here though.

Titled, "hes a cat i can tell". Very unhelpful to me. I guess it's just a vibe?

"hes a cat what do u want me to say" Well, past!Anya, I want you to say specifically where you were going with this. But I'll bite. He does seem like a cat here.

"omg just like a cat". Have no idea if this is about what Aoi is saying (misunderstood and thought of as scary, like a cat) or Natsume in the background doing fuck all. Maybe both. Either way, I agree.

And to finally finish off, let's discuss the fact that the person he gets along best with is Ruka, who has the animal pheromone alice. Unlike literally every other person on the planet, Natsume has never been angry at Ruka. He loves Ruka. He always loved Ruka. Natsume is a cat.

(This is clearly a joke. Natsume is not nice to Ruka because he's under the affect of animal pheromones. Because Natsume is a human being. But it's a funny joke. Their friendship is very clearly authentic and beautiful. Natsume is kind to Ruka because Ruka is perfect and has never done anything wrong ever, in his life.)

BONUS

Not related to cat stuff, but this one was funny:

"AND HERE COMES NATSUME WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!"

Okay I'm done now! Thanks so much for reading this silly nonsense rambling. It was fun to put together and I hope it was a fun read too! Have a great day/night. I'm very tired and this took longer than I thought it would, so I'm going to sleep. Love y'all <3

Also, in case y'all missed the first two parts, they are as follows:

Part 1. or Part 2.

[useyernamesteven]

Seen some wolfpup!Enid fanart and I'm in love! And soft!Wednesday? I do declare!

. . .

So Wednesday's out late one full moon, looking for leads on the new murder cases but so far its been difficult and more stressful than she'd like. She decides to head back to the dorms for the evening and turn in for the night, or possibly rope Enid into another "friendly" debate about the bloody history between vampires and werewolves

(Last time had seen Enid practically rabid, claws out and fangs bared, as she tried to convince Wednesday that werewolves won the Wilds of Transylvania back in 1389 fair and square. Wednesday had been so amused by her roommates rage, she'd almost cracked a smile.)

With the prospects of another riveting argument awaiting, Wednesday walks into her room and sees... well, not Enid. There's brightly stuffed animals strewn about like bodies in a massacre, Yoko and Divina are in the center of the room looking decidedly frazzled and panting, a body she presumes belongs to Ajax is on the floor and half under Enid's bed, while Bianca lounges on top of it playing with Wednesday's butterfly knife. And Enid is no where to be seen.

At first, Wednesday's incredibly annoyed bcuz, well, people. And worse its people in her room; not that she has any particular qualms when Enid invites her friends over--Enid insists they're Wednesday's friends too, and well, perhaps they are the most tolerable lot she's met at this school--but she would have liked to have been informed of such a social gathering prior to her arrival (so that she could avoid it).

But then her presence is noted by Bianca with a "oh good, you're finally here", which catches Yoko's attention who turns to the door with a exasperated "Wednesday help!" just as Divina wheezes out "close the door! don't let her out!" And Wednesday has all of two seconds to be confused before she hears Ajax give a cry from under the bed as something fast and furry darts out from beneath it. Instinct has her closing the door just in time for the creature to slam headfirst into the wood.

Its a wolf. A rather small one actually. A puppy essentially. With light fur and ears too big for its head and a set of scratches on the left side of its face-

Its Enid. It registers for Wednesday, as the wolfpup shakes its head and looks up at her with big dopey eyes and its tongue lolling out and tail a blur behind her, that this is indeed her roommate.

Wednesday turns to Yoko with a hard glare. "Explain."

And she does: Enid didn't want to spend another full moon without wolfing out again, the others offered to help her out, borrowed Goodie-now-Wednesday's book of spells, tried a transformation spell, and well...

Wednesday has 3 aneurysms during Yoko's explanation, all while the pup-Enid shreds one of her numerous stuffed animals at her feet. She presents the head of one of the bears to Wednesday, looking very proud of herself, and Wednesday kicks it away out of frustration, but it only seems to instigate more play as Enid chases after it.

"We can't change her back so we were hoping you'd know how to..." Divina adds, jumping behind Yoko when Wednesday's attention snaps back to them menacingly. Bianca snickers from Enid's side of the room, not even fazed as Wednesday glares at her as well.

After threatening, scolding, and some more threatening, Wednesday kicks everyone out so that they don't get caught by the new dorm mother and so she can conduct her research in peace. Or semi-peace. If Wednesday thought Enid's antics were obnoxious as a human, as a puppy she's an absolute terror. She's constantly yapping, destroying her plushies, and chewing every shoe she can sink her fangs into. Thankfully, she takes to chasing Thing around the room for a solid ten minutes before she flops to the ground at Wednesday's feet beneath her desk, sound asleep.

Wednesday spends a few hours looking through Goodie's spellbook but to no avail. There is no counterspell to the transformation written within, so she resigns to try the Nightshade library first thing in the morning and if that fails, summon her parents and have them send over anything useful from the Addam's Family Archives.

She gets into bed, hitting the light as she goes, tired to the point that her eyes are already closing as her head hits the pillow-

Only to fly open as Enid starts whining. And when Wednesday flips the light and looks over the side of her bed, Enid's there with floppy ears and a pitiful expression. And Wednesday knows exactly what she's doing, what she wants, and there is no way in hell. She shushes Enid, shoos her to the other side of the room, flips the light again, and rolls back over to get uncomfortable enough to sleep...

And Enid starts whining again. Louder this time. Scratching at Wednesday's bedpost for added measure.

And look, any other time and any other day, Wednesday would have kept up the routine until Enid gave in and curled up somewhere on her side of the room. But Wednesday is stressed, and Wednesday is tired, and Wednesday is willing just. this. once.

So she sighs, rolls over, grabs Enid's scruff and pulls her up. Enid's tail won't stop whacking the bedspread and she won't stop wiggling, even managing to lick Wednesday's chin before Wednesday pushes her to rest by her feet, threatening her death if she dares try it again or so much as moves from her spot. Enid curls up into a small lump with her nose pressed against Wednesday's shin and Wednesday finally reclines back and lets sleep consume her.

She wakes up the next morning oddly warm with something solid pressed against her side. And its only when she opens her eyes does she realizes she's rolled in her sleep and is now curled up on her side with a hand resting in Enid's fur as the wolfpup/roommate snoozes away beside her.

And look, its early, Wednesday is still tired, and Enid is still a nuisance, but as Wednesday's fingers brush through incredibly soft fur and Enid gives a small snuffle in her sleep, Wednesday could almost swear that she smiled.

(Just puppy!Enid antics would be too cute and she'd drive Wednesday up the freaking wall until she could turn her back to normal)

[proxylynn]

⚠️ CW/TW: Graphic Mentions of smelly that may be disturbing to some readers. If you don't like to read smelly things, this Ask probably isn't for you to see...It's about Doe, what did you expect?

[I saw Doe's bedroom and well...It's a bit more cluttered than Ann's bedroom when it gets messy...]

Ann: Granted, I don't have the static hyper realistic eyes and mouth as a room, but I can get really lazy and store empty bottles of soda or water or whatever on the floor and under my bed.

[So basically Doe, but with bottles...She doesn't drink from a can very often.]

Ann: I also usually leave my clothes on the floor, I keep telling myself to do the laundry, but I either forget, or am too lazy to do it.

I also had a pretty shitty-looking mattress...It was torn up and some springs were loose. But I could still sleep comfortably so I kept it...

[Her mom made her throw it out for a new one.]

[And probably like Doe, Ann thinks her room smells perfectly fine.]

Ann: Yep! Well...Besides the underwear...which keep disappearing for some reason. Weird. But I'll try to get better... *Gets air freshener and Lysol spray*

Ann: But don't expect me to keep it clean forever. It'll be a messy room...but you can see the floor.

And it doesn't really stink...I'm part animal, so it just...It has my "musk"...Do females have musk? Idk.

Tate: Hun, I can tell ya...Ladies do make a scent. It's kinda like musk but not quite.

Lynn: Shockingly, he's right. Time for a lesson on human body odor and hormonal pheromones!

Tate: When it comes to us guys, our noses are made to pick up on the subtle changes in a woman. It is widely accepted that men prefer the scent of women in her most fertile period. For example, in one study, men rated the body odors of T-shirts worn by women during their most fertile phase as more sexy and pleasant than T-shirts worn during their least fertile phase. Despite this, much of the research in the area concludes that the effect of the scent of symmetry appears to be sex-specific such that men do not find the scent of symmetrical women more attractive than the scent of asymmetrical women. It, therefore, appears that attraction to symmetric body odor of the opposite sex appears to apply exclusively to women, and specifically fertile women, as non-fertile women and men do not display this preference. If ya ask me, it's the smell of blood. That stuff is hot.

Lynn: During their fertile phase, women have repeatedly been shown as being more attracted to the body odors of more symmetrical men and of men whose faces they rate as attractive. The scent of symmetrical men provides an honest indicator of the men's phenotypic and genetic quality. This may explain why women who are highly fertile find the scent of low FA (Fluctuating Asymmetry) as attractive and yet this scent is not necessarily as attractive to other women. For example, it has been found that normally cycling women near their peak fertility tended to prefer the odor of shirts worn by symmetrical men and yet women at low fertility in their menstrual cycle or those using the contraceptive pill showed no preference for the odor of shirts of symmetrical men compared to those of asymmetrical men. These findings support the good genes hypothesis such that when women are in the fertile phase of their menstrual cycle, they should prefer markers of genetic benefits or 'good genes'. In other words, fertile women who prefer the scent of men with low FA are demonstrating a preference for the genetic benefits associated with those symmetric men.

Tate: In short, smell can help make or break your attraction to a potential partner.

Lynn: Wow. We went deep on this. Yay for learning!

[alpimerealmsystem]

It doesn't have to be bad! (Therianthropy short story PT.1)

THIS IS PART ONE, TUMBLR IS STUPID AND WONT LET ME POST THE ENTIRE THING 😭 So @waterinyourears gave me some ideas! (I know you said I don't have to credit you but seriously this is so important, you deserve it) something they'd talked about is how so much stuff, including stories is about otherkin/alterhumans having negative experiences! Something they'd pointed out is how we should start focusing on more positive aspects of this community and be able to escape into a story where someone like us isn't suffering. This is so important in our community so thank you so much, and I hope I do you idea justice :D (seriously, I'm going to do a lot more like this)

I feel so lucky to be part of this kingdom, and being able to find the others like me. I found them a few years ago, the first one I found, Alex, was at the library. We were both doing research on animals, we didn't know why, but we were researching the ones we felt weirdly connected to. In my kingdom, snow leopards show up sometimes. Our kingdom is next to a huge mountain range, and it's amazing to see the snow leopards running through. Alex was researching griffins, another animal we see sometimes perched up on the mountain peaks or hunting near the kingdom. Alex and me were just curious why the other one wanted to research these things. We both made an excuse, she said it was for a school project, I said it was for fun and because I want to be able to study snow leopards more. I stayed true to my word, always climbing up the mountains to find them and observe. It was so weird to me that I could almost... relate to them. I'd always had some of their behaviors, and thought it was just a coincidence. A lot of people are similar to animals.Alex kept researching griffins, and eventually did the same thing I did. We both just said we loved animals, and bonded over that love. After at least a year of of obsessing over them, and talking about how we could relate to them, she'd suddenly begged me to come over when her parents weren't home. She told me that she had suddenly felt almost animal-like earlier that day. She didn't understand it, but she could feel a tail, and feathers rubbing up against her skin. After well over an hour of trying to convince myself that I hadn't felt this too, I continued to comfort her. She was terrified of the sudden feeling, feeling so out of place. The next couple days were rough, I started noticing it happening with myself. It'd always happened to me, but I never wanted to acknowledge it. I'd finally told Alex this and she just promised me we'd always stick together, and we wouldn't have to tell anyone else.After months of keeping this secret, and finding more out about this weird feeling our kingdom was suddenly attacked. In some of the mountains apparently a dragon had decided to lay her eggs, and one was taken. No one had any idea who stole a dragon's egg, and knew it wasn't a human, but the dragon was persistent it was us.

One day she finally attacked, scorching our kingdom, and trying to find her egg. Suddenly it was almost like animal instincts took over, I ran up the entire mountain, climbing the steeper parts without any struggle for once. I ran towards her, grabbing the knife I'd stashed with the rest of my research supplies but suddenly was pinned under her claw. I saw out of the corner of my eye, Alex running up. She seemed to have the same thing going on and her eyes were bright green, just like the griffins. I saw out of the corner of my eye, Alex running up. She seemed to have the same thing going on and her eyes were bright green, just like the griffins. She lifted the dragon's giant claws with ease, before speaking to it. It wasn't even English, the dragons knew languages from other animals but never got close enough to us to learn our own. She was speaking in what seemed like a mix between a roar and a chirp from a bird, but the dragon seemed to understand.

[midorishinji]

Armillaria solidipes

— Do you know which organism is the oldest to inhabit this planet, Sakura? It’s a fungus, Armillaria solidipes, 8650 years old. It’s in Oregon, in the United States, and it’s also the largest organism to live… Inside the earth, its hyphae spread for miles and miles, as far as the eye can see… To give you an idea, humans live an average of 72 years. And we are also absolutely insignificant creatures.

Sakuino ｜Oneshot｜Also published in Portuguese and on AO3

— Do you know which organism is the oldest to inhabit this planet, Sakura? It’s a fungus, Armillaria solidipes, 8650 years old. It’s in Oregon, in the United States, and it’s also the largest organism to live... Inside the earth, its hyphae spread for miles and miles, as far as the eye can see... To give you an idea, humans live an average of 72 years. And we are also absolutely insignificant creatures.

I smiled back at her. It was Saturday morning and I was accompanying Ino on her research in the college's biology laboratory. While she observed something beyond my comprehension under the microscope — I was a mere math student, thank you — Ino rambled on about the most random topics.

— I don't think 72 years is that insignificant... And by the time we reach that age, life expectancy will have increased, of course... In Brazil, it's already higher than that, because an average measure is prone to distortions, some countries will always pull the mean score lower: wars, famine, high infant mortality. — I replied, trying to remain optimistic.

She clicked her tongue in annoyance, without taking her eyes off the lens of the microscope. That wasn't the answer she wanted to hear: — Do you know why I chose Botany, out of all the branches of biology?

I could say yes and give common answers like "because you like flowers" or "because you want to run your family's flower shop," but I knew they were simply inappropriate. Ino and I had known each other since we were kids, and yet, if I had to walk inside her soul in the dark, as one does within the familiarity of home, I would stub my toe on a corner. Understanding her veered on the impossible. — No.

— Because fungi are fascinating, but they scare me. Plants are easy to understand, methodical even… But not fungi. They're not plants, they're not animals, and they're a little bit of both, so we had to create a new category to classify them. Some can save lives, like the genus from which penicillin is extracted, others can kill with their toxins, like Amanita phalloides... Some form symbiotic relationships with plants and are what sustain entire forests, connecting trees and sharing nutrients, while others feed off death and destroy everything in their path. They are both life and death, two sides of the same coin, and putrefaction exists regardless of everything. It's what started life and it's what will end it, closing the door and turning off the lights when there's no one else here.

Thinking about it made me shiver. Being in a grave, devoured by organisms without any awareness (at least that I know of!) of what they do, of what they are. Little by little I would become part of the land and part of the Earth. It’s beautiful, even if in a somewhat macabre way. — Someday I'll be a really cute red and white mushroom, and some biology student will pick me up and slice me up to analyze me under a microscope. — I replied, as I dodged the air conditioner and got closer to her.

— What happens after we die?

Another one of her existentialist questions. — Come on, if you wanted to discuss philosophy, you should have called Hinata, it's her area. I don't understand anything other than numbers and equations. To me, life is a series of formulas, chemical reactions and concentration gradients that cease when we die.

— Don’t you believe in heaven, hell, purgatory, reincarnation?

— I don't know. Should I?

— Wish I knew. Maybe we’re already in purgatory, or hell, and this life is nothing but a punishment. We have to atone for our sins, correct our mistakes, to move forward. When we die, we become free: free from conscience, free from weight. Just a white light surrounding us that erases everything.

I wish I could argue back and say that this could be heaven, but I'm not that optimistic. — Who knows…

— Wouldn’t you like to know?

I remember, during my time studying for confirmation, they told us that the forbidden fruit was an apple. But I also remember sometime later coming to the conclusion that the forbidden fruit was knowledge: ignorance is bliss. As much as I disagreed with this stupid saying, Ino's proposal made me stop for a second, with bated breath: wouldn’t I want to know? It was a tempting proposal, as much as it was a deal with the Devil himself. I always wanted to know everything, of course. I would have bitten the damn apple without thinking twice, like Eve did.

— Does it matter if we know?

The words flowed out of my mouth so easily that I even got surprised. Ino was also taken aback by my comment: — As expected of miss Sakura Haruno. — she said, laughing and turning to me, finally looking away from the stupid microscope — To you, knowing doesn't matter because you would keep fighting and moving forward as if nothing had changed.

— In heaven or hell, my definition of ethics does not change.

— Ah, you're right about that. If I knew I was in Hell now and that I was damned to spend eternity here, it wouldn’t matter if I found my existence comfortable before, I would stall like a spoiled kid and follow the advice from that old saying that says “if you are in Hell, embrace the devil”. But you would go on with your life, doing what is right even if you knew there was no salvation, simply because you do what’s right. Nothing beyond that.

— If you say it's because I'm as stubborn as a mule... — I already threatened to get up from my chair, a little annoyed.

Ino laughed. She had a truly infectious laugh, and it was impossible not to like her, you know? Even more so when she laughed like that, without worry, without limits. — If you say so, then I won't say it... By the way, do you know something that's also very interesting? Did you know that humans and fungi have a common ancestor from around 450 million years ago? This is why psilocybin works on us, because it’s pretty similar to serotonin, and acts on the same receptors. That's why it makes us happy.

I knew the name psilocybin. — Tell me you didn't take it before getting in here…

But Ino Yamanaka laughed again, and returned her gaze to the microscope, without answering me.

[leolo404]

🦊Astrology Observations Pt.2🦊

Hello everyone! Am back with my second astrology observations post. I hope you enjoy it🧡 Also I recommend checking out the blog of @venusfun , her blog is really fun and informative. She's also my mentor in doing these astro notes🧡

⚠️Sidenote⚠️: Please take this with a grain of salt for not all of my personal observations will resonate you entirely.

GIF: NCT 🧡 Taeyong

🦊A well aspected Jupiter/Jupiter dominant can make someone look cute and chubby 💗

🦊While a well aspected Saturn/Saturn dominant tend to look tall and have mature features.

🦊I noticed that most Aquarius moons or risings are INTPs or ISTPs base on personality types (MBTI)

🦊Venus in the 9th House/Venus aspecting Jupiter or Uranus/Venus in Sagittarius/Venus in Aquarius can indicate someone who likes to try listening to other genres of music (Example: You always listen to pop music but you are curious about listening to heavy metal or jazz so you try them out and see if it fits your taste.)

🦊And they tend to enjoy listening to foreign music as well. (I have one of those placements and I love listening to Kpop lol and same goes for my friend who likes listening to Japanese/anime music)

🦊Your midheaven not only shows your public life, social standing, and destined career but also your representation which is why if your ascendant is how you see the world, your midheaven is how the world sees you.

🦊Gemini and Virgo moons are the most argumentive moon signs and they tend to love debating

🦊Speaking of Gemini and Virgo moons, they also are pretty much the most anxious or neurotic moon signs, maybe because of the mercury influence

🦊The degrees really play an important role to your natal charts, they can really influence you and affect your overall personality. (Example: I have my Scorpio sun in 5° and as we all know, Scorpios are known to be reserved, secretive, and mysterious but with that 5°(Leo degree) this makes me more open, sociable, and extraverted)

🦊Scorpio and Pisces risings have the most alluring and magnetic eyes

🦊12th house stellium(especially if it's in personal planets) in a composite chart can show that there are hidden agendas or issues in a relationship. There can be many problems with decision making where one wants something while the other is hiding their feelings of disagreement. This can indicate of having a lack of stating their true feelings because both partners are uncomfortable with it.

🦊Leo/Cancer/Pisces moons can go to the heights of self love to the depths of self hate. It's either they can go from being very confident and optimistic or very insecure and pessimistic. No in between ��‍♀️🙅‍♂️

🦊Aries moons are more sensitive than Cancer moons because cancer moons are more secured and protective with their emotions while Aries moons tend to be very expressive about it.

🦊Base on my experience, the two sister signs that don't always get along are Aquarius x Leo and Virgo x Pisces. Both Aquarius and Leos have very different values, Leo wants authority and rulership but Aquarius is against it due to them being humanistic and have this savior complex? While Virgo is the most human sign and is very down-to-earth which clashes Pisces' tendencies for living in another realm or feeling the outside world, more like fantasy vs reality.

🦊Air placements are so good at technology and networking.

🦊Air Sun/Moon 🤝 spamming in their group chats with random lyrics, foreign languages, or emojis when bored

🦊Geminis and Sagittarius can just be as indecisive as Libras, it's hard for them to choose and prefer to have their options open for more opportunity.

🦊We are under the age of Aquarius and you can really notice that this era consists of progressions, inventions, humanity, technological improvements, science, and rebellion against authority. (This is base on research only)

🦊Taurus/2nd House placements are really great at handling their finances. They are always careful with their money and can be really practical with it so they won't be wasting an amount of money with unecessary things, they have a strategy on how to balance it.

🦊But Neptune in the 2nd house may struggle when it comes to handling their financial terms. Please learn to prioritize your needs and wants so you won't be struggling 😭

🦊Venus in 2nd house do attract money easily and have no problems when it comes to financial issues but they have a tendency to overspend it. This can also resonate to both Libra and Leo Venusians.

🦊People who have their Pluto in the 1st house may experience hopelessness and confusion with themselves. They tend to be struggling with their inner self and personality. I have this placement 😔

🦊Scorpio is probably the only sign who experiences death and rebirth and tends to experience transformation constantly. This is the reason why Scorpio's final stage represents the Phoenix, we self-destruct and destroy ourselves then rise again stronger and better. (Applies to Scorpio Sun, Sun in 8H, Scorpio Moon, Moon in 8H, Scorpio Rising, Pluto in 1H, 8H and Scorpio Stellium)

🦊Having Aquarius in the 4th house can indicate that you are most likely the black sheep in your family.

🦊Virgo and Scorpio mercuries are very observant and speculative, they are like detectives. They know how to pick up clues and are good at researching🕵️‍♀️🕵️

🦊When provoked, Taurus/Capricorn Mars can go physical and it's very hard for them to be angered so when they are infuriated it's very unusual and frightening to see them like that. Virgo Mars are scary as well when they are vexed, but instead of going physical they are more prone to verbal fighting.

Btw my astro notes may include some relations to personality types, random zodiac theories, and some Kpop gifs for promotion and aesthetics lol but not always. This is my way of balancing all my interests out for good💃💃 Also thank you guys so much for the 100 followers, 🧡 I don't even know if I deserve this 😭

[macronectes]

Can you share accurate images of tardigrades? And/or explain why the lumpy 3d cgi is inaccurate?

okay so

[Keep in mind, i'm not an expert by any means, in fact i'm just studying for my master's degree right now. But for the past ~4 years i've been a part of the Tardigrada research group at my university and the more i study them the more painful it is to look at those horrible cgi images - and i'll try to explain why without nerding too much.]

First and foremost, i totally understand where these depictions are coming from. If you google 'water bear' you get this, right?

This is an SEM (scanning electron microscope) image, not a photo. And the thing with those is that you have to prepare your specimen in a very specific way to get a good result. I won't get into too much detail but you need your animal dead and completely dehydrated for this - and although there is a method of drying them up while keeping the body shape relatively unchanged (like in this image), it's still really far from a living creature being photographed.

Also it's colored because initial SEM images look like this:

source

And so we get art, animations etc. depicting living tardigrades being based on that. Basically blobfish treatment (looking at a somewhat deformed animal that has been taken out of its natural environment and using it as the primary reference), but not as severe.

Moving on to the actual reasons why this

and this

is wrong

Colors

Again, since artists use colored SEM images as reference, we get these piglet-hued (or vaguely bear-hued) creatures that look completely opaque. But the thing is, SEM is designed to give you the topography of an object's surface, so no matter what you put in there you'll never get an impression that something is see-through, even if in reality it is. And most tardigrades are semi-transparent!

Here's an example of a living tardigrade under a light microscope (on a temporary slide):

This is not the best quality because this was taken through an eyepiece with my phone camera, but that's basically what you're going to see if the light passes through them.

The main color here is yellowy green - that's actually the contents of the gut (in the middle) as well as body cavity cells. Other species may have pigment in their cuticle or in the cells underneath it so you get almost non-transparent (and beautifully colored) animals - like this armored water bear (Heterotardigrada):

Alright, this is how they look if we use penetrating light. But what if we look at them under a top light?

They are white-ish but still a bit transparent - and again, we can clearly see the contents of the gut in some of them!

And here's an armored tardigrade with more pigment (source):

Inside its head we can also see its bucco-pharyngeal apparatus (mouth tube + pharynx) and a pair of eyes! :)

This is the closest we get to taking pictures of water bears in a classical sense. As you can see, they're nothing like these robots-wrapped-in-human-skin type drawings.

Legs and mouth

This is mainly in response to that pink, fleshy, much too agile moss piglet in the gif above.

Yes, they are called water bears but that doesn't mean they have actual articulated paws like mammals do. If we take a closer look at an average "smooth" tardigrade leg (Mesobiotus occultatus in this case) we get something like

(A is light microscopy, C is SEM)

There are 2 branched claws on the leg here (the numbers may be different in other species). Note that the claws are basically part of the cuticle, made from the same material, so they are not growing Out of the leg, they are just On it. The leg itself is stubby, ending smoothly, without points of articulation - this is what's called a lobopod. There are some species of marine water bears with a much more complicated leg/claw/finger structure but we're not going to talk about them because the author of that gif was trying to depict a terrestrial or a freshwater tardigrade - and they certainly don't have those.

So yeah, no paws, no palms, no wrists, sorry.

And they don't move like that, but that's for later.

Next, this snout here

is where the mouth opening is located. Yes, the whole buccal cone can protract or retract, but only slightly, as there are no telescopic structures here. Here it is turned inwards:

What i'm trying to say is that a tardigrade absolutely Cannot violently throw this cone forward and make a grabbing motion as shown in that gif. They use their muscular pharynx to suck in small food particles or the contents of larger cells that they first pierce with a pair of stylets - sort of like spears that can protrude out of the mouth opening.

Movement

This post is getting too long now so i'm gonna say real quick: tardigrades don't swim or float with legs dangling, they walk/crawl/climb/whatever - main thing is they need a surface. If you knock a tardigrade off its moss leaf, or algae colony, or another invertebrate creature, it will sink until it clings to another object in its surroundings. In most tardigrades different pairs of legs serve different purposes - the first three moving back and forth propelling the animal forward, whereas the fourth pair is usually pointed backwards and helps them hang on to whatever surface they can reach.

I hope this wasn't too boring. I really love these chubby little guys and i want people to get the right ideas about them. :)

I want to end this post with an award-winning photo of a tardigrade shot by Tagide deCarvalho:

And here are some links to beautiful photos and videos i encourage you to check out if you want to look at tardigrades in all their glory - and, perhaps, get inspired to create more accurate art of these wonderful animals:

[its-not-a-phase-mom-i-d8-demons]

pairings: Lucifer x Fem!Reader, Mammon x Fem!Reader, Leviathan x Fem!Reader

warnings: tw abandonment (but it turns out okay, I promise), mentions of the act of birthing,

A/N: you came to the right place! as the second oldest of six children, I have some experience when it comes to pregnancy:) I hope you don't mind, nonny, but I'm gonna split this up into a few parts so I can do the dateables as well!

Lucifer

The moment you had shyly produced the positive pregnancy test from the pocket of your hoodie, it felt like Lucifer had entered into a fever dream filled with nursery designs, baby names, the expenses that pile up before the baby even arrives, researching human pregnancy, keeping you out of harm's way and healthy and happy...

So when you first stagger out of bed and rush to his bathroom, hand clamped over your mouth and one shaky hand on your slightly swollen tummy, Lucifer isn't surprised

He is very concerned, however. You had been so nervous to tell him of your pregnancy, you waited until the last moment before your bump was noticeable to tell him

That meant you had been suffering from all of these pregnancy side effects before he'd permanently moved you to sleep in his room

Lucifer hoists himself out of bed and pads into the bathroom, gathering up your hair, if any, into his fist and pulling your hunched form between his legs for support

You hate this feeling with a passion; throbbing stomach and a lump in your throat with little to no vertigo and tears rolling down your face as you try and catch your breath

You tell him it hurts, you ask him if he can take the pain away as your head rests on his chest, lashes fluttering with wooziness

Lightheadedness was unbearably common; you would suddenly grip his sleeve and he could watch the color drain from your face and your knees get shaky, body beginning to sway

He always catches you though, finding a place for you to sit or lie down and gather yourself

Tummy rubs become more common; the feeling of his hands against your bare tummy, spreading their warmth and nullifying the ache, allowing you to relax

He's extremely attentive as well and can tell whenever you need something

Water? Here's a cup sweetheart, remember, you're hydrating and eating for two people!

Craving something? Chocolate? Fried pickles? Chips of some kind? sweets? He's stockpiled anything you could want and locked it away just for you.

I feel like Lucifer would want your baby to be a little girl. A little princess he can carry on his shoulders and spoil with his love and gifts.

Satan ruined him for having another baby boy, but if that's how the cards fall, he certainly wouldn't mind. Unfortunately, he'd be constantly walking on eggshells, afraid he'll make your little boy into another rebellious child

That's the last thing he wants

Lucifer does his best to keep his kid away from Satan and Belphie and out of the 'Formerly Anti-Lucifer League', but sometimes you're taking a nap or out shopping with Asmodeus, and Satan and his brothers manage to coerce the little one into their shenanigans

One thing is for sure though, even if Lucifer didn't want any kids and the creation of one was unplanned, he would never ever turn you away

He's very responsible and does anything in his power to make the pregnancy as easy and happy as possible

On the day you are to give birth, he's a mess

He has already sweat through 3 shirts by the time the IV has been secured to your hand

Everything he says doesn't come without a stutter

He's squeezing your hand and kissing your hair during labor, trying to distract you from the burn between your legs as much as he can

You probably need extra stitches from baby's horns ngl

Definitely cries before the baby is even put in your arms

Refuses to let his brothers come and see you, "They can wait until we go home."

Lucifer is Smitten™

He smooches the tiredness under your eyes and tells you to get some rest

Surprisingly, he enjoys a lot of the names from the human world you discuss and will most likely pick one of those

But if it's a girl, her name is Lilith. I'm sorry MC, your input is invalid at this time

You don't regret 'final day in the devildom sex' at all when you get to witness the Avatar of Pride reduced to tears when the nurse puts the child in his arms

P-P-Pregnant? MC, ya better be jokin'...

Mammon

You weren't, judging by the pregnancy test(s) clutched in your fist

He's not mad at you, he's not upset, (in fact, he's the happiest he's ever been), he just scared

Broken Condom Victim™

He loved you just a bit too hard last week...

but let's be real here, HIS MC, carrying HIS baby?

That's like the highest level of ownership on his lovely human you could get! Levi, Asmo, Beel, Lucifer, everyone would be SOOOO JEALOUS!!!

AND

He gets to have a little one running around again!

You saw how sweet he was to babified Satan in the obey me anime premier! He LOVES little kids and nothing would make him happier than someone to play with (besides MC of course) that wouldn't make fun of him for messing up and being silly!

AND

You're so pretty!!

I mean, ya were always pretty, but somethin' about ya is different and yer even more beautiful than before somehow!

Mammon said, his entire face the shade of a pomegranate

Pregnancy glow is REAL

Asmo agrees, after stealing you away from an extremely overprotective mammon and hiding in the attic to chat without disturbance (mammon)

But as much as YOU know he would be the BEST father, comments from his brothers continue to drag him down and the evenings he cried into your shoulder became more and more frequent as your pregnancy progresses

Mammon, as we all know, is, in fact, a tiddy man

He likes to touch and squeeze them, and just gently hold them while cuddling or even browsing in a store, he'd just come up behind you and touch your boobs

(also, mammon likes all sizes, so if you have next to no tiddy like me, you'll be at his mercy as well. those with the large honkers, however, watch yourself)

Now that there's a miracle growing in your tummy, other parts of your body are preparing for its arrival, including your chest

Swelling, swelling, soreness, growing and darkening of the nipples, and swelling make it so Mammon can no longer touch your pretty tiddies :(((

(grammarly didn't like that word)

On the day mammon snack size was to be born, mammon is silent but extremely fidgety

It was early in the morning when you'd shaken him awake like, "mammoney, I'm going into labor" and he was out of bed and out the door with your luggage before you finished blinking

After grabbing your DDD's and you, he carries you down to the car (what dysfunctional family doesn't have a car? a nice one (Mercedes, Audi, you get the idea) for lucifer and a Volkswagon bus or something for his siblings to share) and drives quickly, but very carefully drives to the hospital, holding your hand the whole way.

He covers your eyes when they put the IV in, just in case you're squeamish, and rubs your arms as the drugs begin to take effect and there's a little fear in your eyes at the thought of pushing an entire human/demon being out of your coochie

He assures you and never lets go of your hand no matter how long you're in labor

When it's all over with and you are resting in your hospital bed waiting for the doctors to finish the Apgar tests and give you your baby

Mammon is speechless as the nurse places the baby in your arms

That's HIS KID!!

Immediately starts crying

The little horns poking out of the blanket? Those look just like his!!

Judging by the bit of hair on it's head, it looks like the baby will have hair like yours

If it's a baby boy, he thinks it should be named "Mammon II" but you just giggle and remind him of the deal he made with lucifer long ago, that his first born child, no matter the gender, had to have 'Lucifer' somewhere in their name

Human names are dumb, except for yours of course, so he searches for suitable demon names

The last thing he wants is a kid named Lucifer, so that will be the kid's middle name

He really regrets his past decisions now

Leviathan

"Levi?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"I'm pregnant."

*leviathan has been KO'd*

No joke, this man is literally floored and didn't wake up for a while and you were afraid you had just slain the fucking Lord of Shadows

Some Henry you were

You had to call Lucifer in to wake him up because he was still flat on the floor a half and hour later

Mammon is more that happy to tip a bucket of ice water on the face of the son of a bitch that impregnated HIS MC

Levi wakes up and pounces on you, gripping you tightly by the arms

"You're k-kidding r-right?"

Him? A father?

Uhhhhhhh

Unfortunately, Leviathan.exe has stopped working, try again in two thousand years

I hate to say this, but he definitely detaches himself for a while until his brothers, especially Asmodeus, literally beat him into shape

He comes back to you, a little bruised and sobbing, but not from the beating he just received

He's so sorry he neglected you! He's such a horrible demon, undeserving of your welcoming nature

He's gonna be the worst dad, and he's not good enough for you, and his kid will hate him just like everyone else does, he doesn't deserve you, he's so sorry for making you suffer the side effects and feel all alone,

Sir, I-

FALSE

It's your turn to shake some sense into him, reminding him that he would be the. best. dad!!

Not to mention the fact that you were just happy he realized his mistakes and came back to you

He begs you to sleep in his bed tub with him for security, and you have to admit his tail is very comforting

Levi does extensive research on human pregnancy and now at the dinner table, instead of talking about the latest slice of life anime he'd been watching, he's just spouting random pregnancy facts and you're laughing so hard it brings you to tears

When the weird dreams and vivid nightmares happen, Levi is right behind you, rubbing your swollen tummy, and letting you talk about them

A lot of them were about him and about your future child

Most of them were about how they got hurt in some way, either that or YOU got hurt and the baby died

These, more often than not, brought you to tears and stress you out, but Levi is right there, okay? Nothing can hurt you, nor would he let anything happen to you on his watch

Learns how to massage you (safely) to reduce stress

Definitely talks to the baby a lot

Levi begged you to be induced so the birth was safe and not a sudden occasion and you agree

On the day the doctor recommended, you arrived at the hospital and got down to business

Levi didn't really want to be in the room with you, but he knew he had to for your sake and he'd played a few birth simulators from both perspectives and you really needed him

Kinda sits there awkwardly comforting you and encouraging you, holding your hand and caressing your cheeks, a bit flushed from exertion and tears

Listen

If the baby is a boy, his name will be Henry and that's final

If it's a girl, he doesn't really care, as long as you don't name her 'mammonia' or something dumb like that

definitely crashes your hospital bed to snuggle until the baby is ready

cries when the baby wraps its extremely small digits around one of his own

also at the little horns protruding from its head

and the tuft of purple in its head

Also Smitten™

He's so excited to get home and show off his beautiful baby to his brothers and then formulate a plan to raise the kid to live and breathe TSL just like his daddy <3

--

July 9th: VIP MEMBERS, GET YALLS JUICE!!

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[aio-rya]

Red Panda Headcanons

GN!Reader x Character

「Requested by: @kih-lux」

A/N: Kih~ you gave me the option and this was more focused to be a Male Reader but... It ended being more a Gender Neutral, I guess... I'll keep practicing.

・Floyd, Jade and Azul are ocean creatures, they know about hybrids and people like Ruggie, Leona and Jack, though they are aware there are other species, some of them are so rare and so unique it's far too difficult to have a chance of running into one of them. And, guess what? Yes, you were part of that category.

・"I've never seen one of your kind, why? Are you so rare? Are you from a far land? Wait, maybe you are... An endangered specie?". Be patient with the tweel, he has too many questions since his research hasn't been so long; you'll be pleased of helping him with that.

・Well, this couldn't result as you originally planned since Jade himself determined you were in nice shape, your body was as expected from a being half beast, half human. So, he decided you will be helping him on the Lounge too! So you could spend more time together, talking about you while working. Plus, he thought the contrast between your brune ears and tail made a nice contrast with the grey suit of Octavinelle.

・The curiosity soon transformed into interest, he started hanging out with you and even asked you to join his club! In fact, he thought you could enjoy it since your specie's homeland is a forest; you could help him learn from places he has never been before, though he would love to know if you remembered any sort of fungi of your homeland.

・Jade will be always respectful, asking before acting, having a special attraction for your tail and ears. He has seen things like those before, with Savanaclaw's dorm members, but you were specially cute for him. Since you had a special moment when you purred —because, yes, pandas actually purr.

・He loves the comparison you do about him being a bambu stick. His height is a bit far than yours so, when you hug him and tangle your tail on his legs it looks as if you were a red panda holding a bambu stick even though red pandas don't do that often.

・The Tweels are not used to cold, they prefer to stay on earth at winter, but that will not stop him from being warm with you. He loves your fur because of that, specially when you have sleepovers and you roll your tail against him to keep him warm.

・"What do we have here? A teddy bear?"; he will ask, mocking of you, looking at the cute red fur of your ears, caught by the white line on the side of them. You'd smile mischievously, sighing, not letting his height or his deep voice intimidate you, slowly approaching a couple of steps —instead of answering his provocation, you'll lift a hand, almost at the height of his face. "Ho... This herbivore has guts."

・"I'm no herbivore... Not at all", you'll answer, defending yourself as you show your retractile long, pointy claws to him. You'd swear everything you saw in his eyes at the moment was fear on its pure form, specially since you made this actually at his eyes' height. You'd dare to say you broke him but it'd be more accurate to tell you actually gained his respect.

・Well, your peculiar first meeting was just the beginning of what somehow became a love-hate friendship. Since he was the captain of your club and you shared more unexpected encounters than you'd have thought, you grew fond of each other; soon, going from one place to another together.

・Leona would question you a lot about your specie; he's used to carnivorous wild animals like Ruggie, like him or some cheetah or tiger hybrids, but you were a bit different. And even after you already explained him your situation, he would still mess around, giving you bambú sticks for snack between classes, just because he loves your upset expression and the way you wave your tail furiously and move your ears to the sides.

・You got to trust each other so far Leona sometimes dishevelled the fur of your cylindrical, thick tail; he was lot curious about it since it was far shorter than his very own. That meant, of course, you delighted yourself with payback; sometimes braiding the tip of his tail, or tangling his tie on a ribbon on it.

・Since you were both half animal, you knew exactly which points he'd like to be touched on. That was, somehow, cheating; specially when you found him angry and tried to make him relax, words wouldn't work so you'd stand behind him and caress his ears —of course you made him purr, you always do. That, suddenly, became an intimate thing only of you both.

・There's something Leona loves doing and not necessarily to bother you: paw your ears. For him, those are like marshmallows, the red fluff, more rigid and smaller than his own. He just melt for touching them, specially when you fall asleep because, yeah, pandas sleep as much as the Prince of Afterglow Savannah.

・He could not hide his surprise when he realised you were not completely human, you immediately caught his attention; furthermore, you were not a common specie, he deduced so by your smell. "Well, well... What do we have here? You look like Kingscholar but quite... Hm. Completely different."

・Malleus would come back to you often, some nights when he was trying to scape from his guards. But he will not arrive just like it; he will try to find some facts about you, ask you the less possible and make research by his own to know what you were, how to treat you? Until you became of more interest for him than your specie.

・Soon he discovered by your stories that you were alone too, still you had a family but your own specie was not very common, you made friends with another kind of hal-beasts and another species of pandas. That only made him to get attached to you, someone who could understand him!

・He got to hang out with you almost every night, reaching the point where he would go and look for you to your classrooms. Malleus thought at first you started fearing him too by the twitching of your ears, soon realising you just... Softened. The way you flattened your ears was signal of trust, you actually felt comfortable around him —you made the Heir of the Valley happy.

・As time passed by, you earned an inconditionnel friend, he would talk to you about almost anything you wanted to know while, in exchange, you taught him about your world, the "human" world. Soon, that became more physical, and now he pawed your ears when you leaned on his shoulder to listen at him and his tales.

・There were nights when he would take you to the castle's roof to talk more privately, or just to see the moon and the forest along the village in the distance. And many of those nights, you'd fall asleep, curled up against his legs with your tail swinging peacefully or just laying over your legs or hips; he would try to caress it, obviously not waking you up and, if you ever did, he will just blush and look away.

・You had your own tricks, sometimes when you went for a walk on the little forest around the castle, you climbed threes and hanged upside down trying to surprise him. Well... You even touched his horns. At first you were worried about him being mad but his laughter broke the tension on your shoulders. But of course, you had a tail and ears, so his payback was inevitable.

・"I have never seen someone liketh thee...", you heard the intrigue on his voice. He floated around you, upside down, analysing the visible characteristics that made you half an animal. When Lilia is curious, he's not very measured with his actions... Yeah, that means he will touch your fur.

・He'd love to study your reactions to many stimulus, so he will tease you in ways you can and cannot expect. Though you started being prepared, or at least a bit, you'd never anticipate when was he going to appear. You were basically on guard every time you were on the library or in the hallways until the final day came and he told you how interesting you were to him.

・You tried to do the same on him but the movement of your tail or even sometimes your little furry ears twitching will alert him of your presence. Since then, you both became almost inseparable; people could se him flying around you, upside down or just playfully, other times you just got to sit aside him but there were always laughter and smiles.

・Oh, true! He basically transformed you into a nocturnal creature. Once he introduced you into video-game's world, you started spending more time together, another fact reassuring him you were a panda: sleeping a lot on the evening, when classes or clubs were not taking place, and enjoying the night along him.

・That of course meant he must protect your ears from Sebek. His very own audition was sensible enough to be disturbed by the demi-fae loudness, but he was worried about you: since he knew you were a red panda and discovered pandas had developed very, very, very sensible ears due to not wanting to be hunted by predators, he would avoid having you and Sebek on the same room for too long.

・His protective instincts made their appearance. You seemed like a tender and lovely being for him, that was the reason why Lilia was concerned about you: even though you were half a human, most of your habits were of your animal part. He knew when you were sleepy and you tried to pretend you were not just to stay with him for a while, playing. He will, surprisingly, sing you a lullaby to make you sleep while he played one last round; keeping an eye on you, the way you curled up, the way your ears twitched.

・The way you met was... Amusing. Well, you see, one of your favourite spots for napping was the forest, the place where he usually made his patrols. Since his narcolepsy is always present, he tends to fall asleep in situations like this, what happened that day: he fell under your three and once you woke up together, you both got scared as hell.

・He started questioning you; why were you there? What were you doing? Who where you? You answered calmly, trying to calm him down since he was actually pointing at you with the sword. When he finished and put the blade down, you asked for him to answer the same question. And once you were aware of his condition, you understand everything and both bursted in laughter.

・There were to many incidental encounters with each other you ended up being friends. Sometimes you even went and looked for him deep in the forest, when you found him asleep you'll just sit by his side and read a book or play a bit with the animals surrounding him, usually birds. You cannot understand them, but when he woke up, he will always act as a translator for you.

・He had the opportunity of finding you asleep on the branch of a three or behind a rock, one of those times, curiosity took over him and he couldn't help but start petting you. Starting for your ears and your hair, getting startled when he heard you purring under his hand.

・Most of the time you surprised him at his night patrol, it was cold outside often, so you made a scarf for him. It matched with your tail and it was thick and furry too; your heart almost fell from your chest when you saw the happiness in his eyes. Now, when you were nap buddies, he will take it with him.

・He wanted to teach you something about him too so he used your free time to teach you fencing. Yes, he would usually bring another sword to the forest so you could kill time whenever you were not sleeping, reading or he was not on guard.

・Even Lilia cooked sometimes for Silver, he was aware of your existence. He was happy though about his little boy having a new friend... Well, deep inside himself, he was happy, just awaiting for Silver to know how love felt —in fact, he just wanted his child to go asking for advice.

[mxvladdy]

Hi, I love your writings 💜 and wanted to suggest a prompt, but if it won't hit you or if your requests are closed than feel free to ignore.

What if MC will forget the brother and that they are in relationship (it can be as side effect of some spell /potion etc, but it will last for quite some time, no one knows how long). How brothers will react on that? What they will do to make MC fall in love again, or will they do anything at all? Or they decide that it's the chance to change everything? What if MC won't love them again? I don't know if that can be angsty (I want some angst), or you can do whatever style you find appropriate. Anyway, if you don't feel like doing for 7 brothers you can do only for brothers of your choice (who you feel comfortable to write about, but maybe Lucifer, Mammon and Beel?? ).

Thank you! And have a good day or night!

A/N: 80000 years and a day later I post lol ;.;. Sorry for the wait! I tried something new with this, hope you like :)

So I was going to drop all three at the same time but it turned into 20+ pages of work. So I will post in 3 separate parts since they all turned into beefy boys... Much like their counterparts >:)

Hope you like it!!!

Part One of Three: Lucifer

Magic is a beautiful and powerful thing. It permeates the Devildom like an eternal fog. For the residents, it is as common as breathing. From the strongest of their kind down to the lowest inhabitants, it is integral to their culture and daily life. Mistakes and accidents happen daily with young and old alike learning or experimenting. Magical rebounds and mishaps mean very little to them, especially the brothers. From the Celestial Realms down, they have seen it all.

Sometimes they forget that to you, magic can be a volatile and dangerous.

The crackle of energy and the acrid taste of sour magic on his tongue are his only warnings before things went south. He reaches for you, strong arms moving to shield you from the blowback of energy discharging around you both. Lucifer crouches, turning his back to the explosion to cover you from the debris and dust raining down. The rebound of the failed spell washes over him for a moment turning his stomach on impact. A heavy miasma coats the room. It weighs down his wings momentarily before disappearing as quickly as it had come.

Once the dust settles, the room fills with light-hearted teasing and jabs at the inept caster. Whatever chastising remark he had stuck to his tongue. When he looks down at you the air seizes his lungs in horror. You were heavy and unresponsive in his arms, eyes closed and face slack. Physically, he could see nothing wrong with you, no hair unkempt or dust on your uniform. He shakes you trying in vain to rouse you.

He doesn’t remember fleeing the room with you clutched tight to his chest nor the shouts of his confused brothers all he could focus on was your limp body cradled in his. You weren’t waking up. None of his magic was working, and you were still sleeping. It was like looking down at his brothers all over again. The feeling of dread, of helplessness, had him staggering. You were like his little Lilith all over again, another failure in his unending life span.

The healer's answers do nothing but anger him. Diavolo’s weak speculations drive him into a frenzy. Wait, they want him to wait. For how long was anyone's guess. They say that you just need rest, the human body is unaccustomed to such stresses. That though your body is weak, a human’s spirit is strong. You’ll recover-he had to trust that you would heal on your own. Trust… he had so little of that left to begin with, but he had he gave to you.

He couldn’t lose you. Couldn’t lose this small flicker of hope you brought into his life, of happiness. He didn’t want to be alone again.

So he waits, a permanent sentinel by your bedside. He sits in silence stuck with his sins. His rough hewn palms cover your small hand to warm your cooling finger tips. He strokes them with callused fingers. He contemplates all the little things he could have done differently while he waits. Hells, what he should have done differently. Spells at the best of times were unruly and dangerous and in the hands of a novice? He shakes his head squeezing your hand. He was so stupid to have let you take that course. Why hadn’t he told that weak pissant of a demon off for trying such an incantation? Or at least to take it outside. Was he that bad of a protector? Of a lover? Deep down he wants to be angry at you. That this somehow was all your fault, with your puny human constitution and defenses. He wants to blame you but the moment passes with a gut-twisting sense of guilt and almost shame.

The days move on unceasingly, the clock on your wall mocking him with every steady tick and turn of the hand. With each moon that passes his simmering anger and wounded pride cools to an ice cold fear in his veins. The healers stopped showing up daily, they were at a loss like the rest of them.

No one would say it, least of all around him, but he heard it travel down the halls like an unwelcome guest. The whispered sympathy, the soft admissions of acceptance. He blocks them out, his world narrowing down to nothing but your icy hand and weak pulse. Your room begins to turn into his. His paperwork fills your desk, while he holds meeting over the phone. One hand clutching his phone to his ear and his other always touching you. No one but him is going to take care of you. He refuses help, turning down Diavolo’s increasing offers and pleas of support.

He turns them down each and every time. He will take care of you.

Yet, no matter how much he tends to you and researches you remain inert.

It’s maddening, he was suffocating under the weight. Finally he tips. One night drunk and desperate in his destroyed room he does the last thing he could think of.

The hardwood of his bedroom is unforgiving under his knees. The cold of it soaks through his pants and the harsh grain digs into his skin. But he doesn���t care, he wasn’t looking for absolution anymore, he was begging for your salvation.

It burns him bowing like this. His pride lashes out, roaring like the untamed beast it was as he dives deep searching within himself to find the tattered remains of his former self. Each second with his eyes closed and head bent was tortuous as his pleas fill the oppressive silence of the room. No matter the discomfort of the moment he can only think of you. No cost was too steep to have you open your eyes again.

Lucifer should have known going back to his father would be a mistake. Nothing was ever simple with them, everything was by their rules and their way. Not even being the once most favored son could fix that. Your eyes open, sure. They are hazy with confusion, but also bright and full of life. You were back.

Papers forgotten Lucifer approaches you like he would a wounded animal. He stares in disbelief for a moment before succumbing to his need to hold you. “Amata-” He breathes out in relief into your neck squeezing you closer to him. Lucifer pulls away when he notices you not embracing him back. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah. You just took me by surprise is all.” You rub your eyes and smile wearily. “What did I do to deserve such a good morning hug?”

His smile fades, hearts sinking. “Do you not remember?”

“Remember?” Hmmm. You look around you at the clutter of your room. “I- remember being in class, then you over me.” Something must have happened, but for the life of you, you couldn’t recall. He fills you in leaving small blanks hoping to see some recognition in your bewitching eyes. But you sit, nodding along taking his word as gospel truth. “Wow.” You lean back on your pillows. To be asleep for so long, you had so much work to catch up on. “Thank you for looking out for me.”

There was an odd look in his eyes before he nods, rising to his feet. “Of course… for you, anything.” He flees then, choking back a sea of emotions to go fetch a healer to look you over. It was as he expected. You were whole and healthy again, back to your old wonderful self. Except for him. Did you truly remember none of him? Have you really forgotten how he held you at night when you were able to tear him from his works.

How could you forget the words he would whisper to you as you drifted off long after the candles had been snuffled out, the sweat had cooled on your skin, and your limbs loose and tangled with his? Would you ever remember the way he would watch you at school? How he would search for you and watch you with vigilante and hungry eyes. You were not his little lamb anymore. Even after everything he had lost you.

It was what he bargained for with his father it seemed.

He calls a meeting soon after informing his brothers and the Prince of your condition without telling them of his speculations as to why. “We will say nothing.” He speaks standing rigidly while the room erupts with confusion around him.

“Why not tell them?” Beelzebub asked brows drawn low in concern.

“And say what?” Lucifer rubs at his nose pinching the bridge tightly already feeling a dull throbbing growing underneath. “What would it change?” He leaves it at that and retreats to his room. He looks at his dusty chambers and broken furniture from his explosive temper. It is so cold again without you there. This is how it must be. The thought brings a broken whine from his lips. Tt soaks through his leather gloved hand, refusing to be shoved down. He didn’t want to believe he was so forgettable, that something as intimate as his trust and love was so weak in your soul. He had thought surely he had ingrained himself deeper than that. You were in his mind.

He turns to his private libraries that night, looking for any scrap of information he could find. Perhaps the threads of him were there within you, maybe they just needed to be mended. He often forgot how malleable the human mind was, how easily things can just slip from them. Each book on the topic started promisingly enough before piddling off to a dead-end or debunked hypothesis.

He hunts down the student that had fired the spell. If he knew the original purpose of the spell maybe he could recreate the reaction? No, yet another dead end.

He comes to realize one night sitting hunched over on the grimy floor that either your mixed blood had altered the spell's intentions or the fact that since you were not in your original timeline it had changed something deeper within you that none of them had taken into consideration. Or, perhaps-just maybe he truly did make a deal with Father.

Devil below, he hoped that wasn’t true. How ironic it would be that the first time they had heard his pleas to only answer it with more pain and punishment. Either way, he must accept this...eventually.

“You know, if you keep frowning like that it’ll leave permit winkles.” Lucifer ignores his brother, not glancing up from his journals to entertain him. He had recently found more old tomes deep in his studies. “Luci.” Multi-colored nails block his view of his documents.

“Move Asmodeus. I will not ask again.”

Asmo frowns but moves his hand back to his hip. “You need to breathe brother. Take a minute for yourself.” Lucifer snorts dismissively, flipping to the next page. Asmo sighs deeply, his old bones rattling with the heavy gust of air. “You know you won’t find anything in there. We’ve all tried, you know? Read up on fruitless leads and scoured the depths of the catacombs too. Satan’s hands are a mess from rummaging through his books.” He swallows thickly. “Perhaps it is time.”

“Time for what?” Lucifer rises to his impressive height towering over his smaller brethren. “I do not like what you are implying Sakhr.” Asmo flinches, he hates that damn name. He calms the simmering rage underneath his well kept skin. Lucifer was hurting, he lashes out blindly when he is. He always suffers alone.

“I’m not implying anything. We just want-” Lucifer laughs, the hollow sound pulls at the emptiness within Lust’s heart.

“What would you know of my wants?” His ruby eyes lock with Asmo’s. It was a mistake. Lucifer’s presence was imposing at the best of times, but as mad as he was now it was a knee jerk reaction from Asmo to put his guard up. It was a strong defensive mechanism that Asmo took special care not to let slip, but as Lucifer approaches him shoulder hunching and chest puffing up in anger. It took only a moment for his defenses to take over, eyes locking Lucifer saw exactly what he wanted reflected back at him.

He didn’t know what Lucifer saw but he could see the absolute agony etching into his older brother's glassy eyes with each second. Asmo steps back breaking eye contact with a gasp, the trance between them breaking. “I-I’m sorry!” He trembles.

Lucifer says nothing but raises a shaking finger while he collects himself. Finally, he looks up, face impassive once more. He shakes his head and points to the two chairs in front of his desk. A wordless order that Asmo takes. Asmodeus watches Lucifer busy himself with a decanter, broad back turned to him. “You meant no harm,” Lucifer says, voice tight. He turns back with two glasses in hand. “ I-my aggression was unnecessary.” He offers Asmo a glass before sitting back in his throne-like chair with a grunt. They drink in silence.

Asmo swirls the spicy drink around his tongue thinking hard. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. He thought he could make things better by offering a shoulder or ear, perhaps tell Lucifer that you were doing well. You didn't seem to notice the hole at the table or in the classroom where Lucifer used to join you and the rest of them to eat or study. They had missed seeing him look so at peace around them. Everything had reverted back to like it was when you first arrived between the two of you, and it was affecting everyone. “Talk to me?” Lucifer blinks.

“And say what?” He peers at his empty glass before grabbing the decanter. “I’m fine? I have meetings piling up and I frankly don’t give a damn anymore. Or the fact that I have yet to cancel the table I had reserved for our anniversary dinner?” His last words waver dangerously before he burns them away with a large gulp of his drink. He sees the look in Asmo’s honey-colored eyes when he looks up. “I don’t need pity.”

Asmodous sniffs, waving away the thought. “Please. We all know better than that. I just want to check on you, and perhaps give you an idea?”

“What idea could you have that I have not thought of?” He asks curiously. Asmo lights up leaning in.

“What if we’ve been going about this the wrong way? We’ve been looking at magic to solve this when the answer was in front of us the whole time. Humans aren’t used to magic, so why look to it for the solution?”

“I don’t follow.” Lucifer puts his glass down leaning back in his chair. Was science what he needed to look at? He had tried that, had talked to human doctors and surgeons that owed him “favors”. They were as unhelpful as the rest.

“We are thinking like demons! We have to think like a human, woo them again. You did it once, surely their attraction wasn’t wiped out, just their memories.” Ahh. Lucifer shakes his head. He had thought of that, staring at himself in the mirror. Many nights were filled with the nagging fears of defeat. If his father had a hand in your recovery could he even be allowed to try again? Lucifer looks back at all the things he said those nights kneeling by your side. It was foolish, what even contract he might have accidentally made had too many open ends, too many half wishes, and clauses.

“I’m afraid I have already thought of that my brother.”

“Then why haven’t you tried? Have you given up?” Asmo is met with silence. “Does that mean the rest of us have a chance?” He gets the reaction he was looking for then. Lucifer’s form shutters, a full body twitch as his body blurs around the edges in warning. “Seems to me like you haven’t given up yet. So what is stopping you.”

Lucifer crumbles under his brother’s worried gaze. Perhaps he could divulge his worry, just this once. “I asked father Az.”

Asmo gasps in surprise, eyes wide in disbelief, then dawning realization. “You think They did this?” Lucifer shrugged, running a hand through his disheveled locks. “They wouldn’t-they couldn’t...could they?” None of the brothers knew what their father was up to anymore, nor if They were even still able to track them. It was an ever present cloud of stress over all of them. While they trusted Diavolo and his protection, the nagging fear was never-ending.

“This is perfect!” Asmo claps his hands together. Lucifer stares at him in confusion. Lust’s smile grew toothy and dangerous. “Do you know what this means?”

“No.” His younger brother snorts looking down at his nails. His mind was running a mile a minute. For as organized and crafty as Lucifer is, he sure had his moments.

“Think about it. If Father did meddle then you have to try courting them again. Defying Father is a talent!” Asmo claps his hands in giddy delight. “Wouldn’t it just chafe their linens if you got back together?”

“And what if They didn’t meddle?”

“Then what do you have to lose?” Lucifer laughs. It was breathy and lifeless at the start but grew in intensity as Asmo’s words sunk in. Why was it when he said it it made sense?

“As devious as ever Az.” Lucifer smiles. Yes, he could win you back easily and reclaim his pride all in one fell swoop. “Thank you for reminding me of who I am.” They were troublemakers, the lot of them and it was time for him to prove it once more that he was the worst of them.

He starts the next day dressing down for once in his long life. He wears an outfit you always complement tucked neatly into a pair of dress slacks you bought him after a date gone awry. He smirked, remembering the tight squeeze of your hand on him on the drive home. The friction of your palm on the smooth material...he tipped his dry cleaner extra that night. “Good morning.” He purrs out in greeting taking his seat at the head of the table. The few brothers around the table freeze for a moment, keen eyes darting from him to where you sat still eating as if nothing had changed. Asmodeus shot him a wink.

“Morning.” You chirp back around your spoon. “It’s good to see you back at the table. Finally got a break from work?” The demons hold their collective breath.

“Yes, you can say that I came to a revelation of sorts.” He hums into his mug.

From that point on no matter what corner you turn on Lucifer was there. A pleasant smile on his lips and an offer of aid. “Thank you for the help!” You drop the large stack of books on your desk with a satisfied grunt. “You know- even though our pack is still somewhat new, if you need help with your work I’d be glad to give you a hand too!”

“Would you?” He hides his predatory grin under his hand. “ Some of the matters I have to attend to will require some long, hard work. It may take up some of your nights.” The flush that graces your cheeks and the warm buzz from his pact mark make him giddy.

“I’m willing.”

Slowly he begins to pull you back into his world. He leaves well placed hints of your past together scattered around his workspace. Your favorite Devildom blooms and treats always seem to be around when you come to offer your help in the evening. He slips old pet names into daily conversations as you scribble notes and transcribe letters for him by the soft light of his desk lamp. Pacing himself was never so hard before in his life. Was he finally cracking through? Or were you falling for him again? It was a heady rush to be sure, the mix of anticipation and thrill of such earthly courting made him realize many things he didn’t see the first time around. He learns all over again just what he loved about you.

He had forgotten how patient you were around him and with his siblings. Your keen eye and attention to detail reminded him just why he trusted you. You flitted about him picking up things he missed and settling brotherly disputes without him having to waste his breath. It was almost like things were going back to normal, minus the cold sheets beside him at night. But he sticks to his plan, finding pleasure in simply learning about you all over again.

It came to an end sooner than he had expected.

“Enter.” Lucifer calls from his overflowing desk. It was finals time once again and the damages done to school property were picking up dramatically. He heard your fluttering heartbeat before you even entered his domicile. It picks up as you approach.

“Am I interrupting?

Lucifer looks up from his work, a grin growing on his tired face. “For you, never.” You smile back, coming closer. You held a mug of coffee in your hands. The beast within him wanted to raise its hackles in triumph and howl. His life must be a divine comedy. This night is playing out just like it did nearly a year ago. Did you remember too? Or was this just how it always was meant to be?

“I haven’t seen you in a bit, and got concerned.” You fiddle with the handle of the copper mug. Lucifer nods, it was true. He regrettably had to put his plans with you on hold, he had spent so much time scheming he had let a few things build up. “Asmo told me you were hold up in here working, and I thought you could use a pick me up. He-he helped me make you some coffee.”

Ah. It wasn’t the same as the first time, but it was a matter of time before his sibling started meddling again. He takes the cup from your outstretched hand. “Thank you, this is much appreciated.” You glow under his praise taking a seat by his side.

“Need any help?” You eye the stack of papers with interest. “I’ve gotten pretty good at reading the fine print.”

“Have you now?” He pushes a small stack of papers towards you. “Very well, I would love your company again.” You take the work with a nod eager to spend time with him again. He watches you work, unable to contain his growing smile before looking down at the cup by his side. The tar-black coffee looks back at him. Oh, how he wished to commend his brother and berate him all at once. It is putrid and stomach-churning but he savors it all the same.

“Is it alright?” You pause watching him drink in. You have never seen him so enraptured by a drink before.

“Yes.” It will be.

[officialgritty]

How I Would Humble NHL Players

An essay written by bigboigritty. 

I would humble hockey players the only way I know how to, by sending them to Australia. Let’s suppose that they have decided to hold the All Star game over here (forget about it’s usual date) (forget that some players I have listed below might not be invited) (and while you're at it, please forget that Australia’s rinks are Not Good).

I think that they would suffer but in an entertaining way so it’s fine. 

First of all, their biggest concern is getting sunburnt. It would effect all of their dumb asses but I’m particularly worried about Pierre-Luc Dubois and Mitch Marner. Boys are practically translucent. Vince Dunn would be fine, he’d probably wear a shirt most of the time which is a very smart decision. 

You may wonder why I didn’t mention Nolan Patrick because I am a certified slut for him, well I don't think he would have a problem. He would spend most of the time inside and when he joins the others, I think his Virgo ass would reapply sunscreen. Maybe he would burn slightly but I don't think it'd be enough to make him uncomfortable. 

Another thing that I think they will gain from this experience is a higher pain tolerance. Now you’re probably thinking, “Zoe they are NHL players so they can handle pain.” Wrong.

Real pain is running barefoot on cement at theme parks while you race to get to the next ride. Also getting into the car and having to avoid touching every piece of metal to not get branded like a cow. Or better yet, when the heat gets so bad that there’s a black out because everyone has their air conditioning turned on.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that other countries have scary animals but I would pay to see them panic over ours. Crocodiles here can grow up to 5.2 metres / 17 feet. We have a box jellyfish season where it’s advised to avoid swimming or wear wetsuits for coverage. Funnel web spiders can survive underwater for hours by trapping air bubbles around their skin. We have several of the worlds deadliest snakes present across the country. 

Listen, I don't want anyone to get injured but the constant fear that they would have when doing anything would be enough to make me happy.

My biggest question is who would survive in the shady areas, who would survive the eshays?

Under no circumstances can you look them in the eyes or cross their path. They are not to be feared individually but in groups caution is advised. I think the players would attempt to assert dominance and that is simply not an option. You are better off to ignore the eshay.

Nolan would have no issues here if im being honest. He is big and I don't think they’d find it worth it to fuck with him. But you know who they would target? Matthew Tkachuk. “Where are you going pretty boy?” “Oi braa did we hurt your feelings ya pussy cunt?” They would make fun of his hair in particular. 

Travis Konecny would be an eshay. I don't think I need to make further comment. (So would Louis Tomlinson but I am not a 1D account and I will continue to repeat that until it’s true.)

I would also give them a few iconic tasks to get the true Australian experience. Activities for the ‘vacation’ include triathlon events, beach flags, bush walking and climbing the harbour bridge. They could attend a cricket match but they tend to like golf so unfortunately they would probably enjoy this :(

AFL is an extremely popular sport here and I think they would loose their shit when they learn the rules of this game. No protective equipment is used other than mouthguards, that's it. That’s all you get. And jumping onto other players for leverage is encouraged. I would thoroughly enjoy the fights that would break out because of this.

Another task would be to use a map to make their way to a servo for a slurpee. The catch is that they will be required to pass through multiple alleyways. Also, the season is Spring, it’s swooping season mother fuckers. Let’s see how brave you are when birds chase you down the block. Personally I don’t think any of them would pass this test, maybe McDavid because the birds may not be able to detect a heartbeat.

Australian food would disgust them, I just know it. Things that they would need to try are a Bunnings sausage sanga, fairy bread, lamingtons, baked beans on toast, Milo and Vegemite. Because I’m me I would give them no butter with their Vegemite. 

An after thought I had was money so I’m editing this to include it. Everything here is EXPENSIVE so they would need to learn how to budget. Upon doing research, Canadians would be fine but the Americans will be mad.

1000 CAD = 1019 AUD

1000 USD = 1297 AUD

Another after thought was the fact that they won’t be able to drive (or at least drive well) here. We drive on the left and not the right, same goes for walking paths too. I can sense a lot of them bumping into people.

Where I think players would live based on vibes alone:

Carter Hart and Vince Dunn: North Shore Beaches, NSW. Daddy’s money. Carter probably did Nippers whereas Vince was a skater boy. 

Travis Konecny: Darwin, NT. Would 100% live there and enjoy it. He would try to conduct crocodile tours but gets assigned to feeding the baby crocs and doing shows for little kids. 

Tyson Barrie: Perisher, NSW. One of the only ski resorts we have to offer, major friendly mountain man energy.

Nolan Patrick: Byron Bay, NSW. @antoineroussel enlightened me, steering away from my original thought of Katoomba, NSW. Byron Bay is a magnet for hippies and links rainforest to the ocean. Chris Hemsworth and his family also live there.

William Nylander: Perth, WA. I don’t know much about Perth other than they wouldn’t shut up about partying while the other states had to quarantine. For some reason, I also associate Perth with Tik Tok. 

Sidney Crosby and Connor McDavid: Melbourne CBD, VIC. These two would live in the same apartment building in the city, Connor one level above Sidney. It’s the most boring looking block of them all and Crosby would send in complaints to the landlord about McDavid pacing during the night.

Tyler Seguin: Surfers Paradise, QLD. Party central, not many people are actually from this area and he would be sure to tell absolutely everyone that he was. I also think he would get a Meter Maid tattoo, specifically on his leg. Has definitely slept on the beach before because he couldn’t find his way home.

Jamie Benn: Hobart, TAS. Tasmania is usually forgotten about. Another one with mountain man energy except he is more creepy than friendly.

Mitch Marner: Fitzroy, VIC. @antoineroussel is responsible for this one too. Hipster central, makes you question how the hell someone so young can have so much money. Would chug $45 wine and not blink an eye.

(honourable mentions include = Sammy Blais: Hobart, Tas. Once again no comment on Tasmania. TJ Oshie: Cairns, QLD. Would do reef tours. Haydn Fleury: Western Sydney, NSW. Haydn would 100% own a ute or a white holden commodore and you can’t tell me otherwise. Roman Josi: Adelaide, SA. Small town history teacher vibes.)

I have attached a handy map for those who may need it.

In conclusion, the NHL should send their players over here to teach them some manners and while they’re at it, management should bring themselves too. Nolan Patrick could pass as an Australian if he built up a tan. (So does Nylander in this picture but we won’t talk about that.) Come over anytime baby, I’m free. 

Glossary

Servo - A service station, also known as a petrol or gas station. Example: 7/11

Theme park - An amusement park. Can be said in reference to both normal parks and water parks and usually means those in QLD. Example: Six Flags

Swooping season - August to October in Australia. When birds attack and chase humans and / or pets for getting close to their babies. Magpies are notoriously bad for this. 

Bunnings sausage sanga - A cheap feed / meal found at the front of a hardware and gardening store called Bunnings. Made up of white bread, sausage, onion and your choice of sauce.

Fairy bread - White bread with margarine and topped with 100s and 1000s / sprinkles. 

Meter Maids - Women who work along the beach dressed in gold bikinis. They top up parking meters to save tourists from getting fined and will often stop for photos. 

Nippers - Surf lifesaving programs carried out for children between 5 and 14. 

Ute - A pick up truck.

Eshay - A person who partakes in drug use, graffiti, listens to EDM and targets victims in groups. Below is the typical style of an eshay. 

Tagging a few friends so this doesn’t completely flop but feel free to ignore if it isn't your thing. I won’t be offended lmao

@scheifefe @ifiwasshawnmendesidslapmyself @d00dlebob @bowenbyram @kempe @prettyboyroope @quintonsbyfield @travisgermy @pitoftrash @kspitehockey @ballsakic @canadianheaters @bricksatlandyswindow @powerblais @brokeninsidebutnobodyknows @jamiedrysdales

[briarworthandoleander]

Since you're so heavily invested in monster rearing, what's your opinion on the reclusive monster "Riders" who raise otherwise deadly monsters as mounts?

In all honesty I'm not a fan of the practice of Riders.

Forgive me for the perceived hypocrisy, but I feel like there is something I must point out immediately.

We are a rescue sanctuary - we are helping injured monsters and trying to release those we can back into the wild, we do not tame monsters. Our orphan rescues raised from infancy are different too - as while we make sure they are used to human and wyverian handling for care and feeding; we do NOT utilize them in combat nor do we treat them as pets - they are still very much wild creatures and should be respected as such.

We ween adolescent monsters of human and wyverian contact as they get older, and if we can - teach them to hunt so they can hold their own and sometimes even be released.

I have no doubt my adult wards can and would rip off my face should I ever be perceived as a threat in any capacity, and I know from experience that "visitors" tend to be horrifically surprised by how little we do "tame" our lifetime rescues.

(If anyone is curious as to how I keep two adult Kadachi around as near "pet like" monsters, I don't actively do so - as I have said in previous papers, Kadachi are very passive by nature and I have seen no reason to be rid of them other than sometimes one gets too comfortable with sleeping on my couch, and even then I'm not particularly bothered as they leave well enough alone.)

Near hypocrisy aside, and myself not tightening the belt as heavily as Oleanders vehement hatred of riders - I find it hard to appreciate a culture that as part of their way of life poach eggs and juveniles from their nests in the wild. It's disruption of the natural order and an ecological nightmare.

Also the idea of anybody weaponizing a monster is a nasty thought - these are living, breathing creatures and you subject them to fighting not only other monsters but their own kin which is likely to end in injury or death.

Again - an ecological nightmare.

I've been to those islands, I've seen those villages, I know what they do and how they do it - and I find myself angered by it.

I understand that few are of the opinion that co existence with these creatures is possible, but I am disinclined to agree due to the fact that these are not monsters that would peacefully interact with people unless raised by people from infancy.

If one wishes to argue about my stance on hunters: certified hunters like Oleander and myself are dispatched by The Guild to keep the natural balance and prevent ecological disasters - sadly this does sometimes require culling to keep the general wild populace of creatures and people safe and healthy say if there is a plague or a scarcity of food.

In more direct terms:

There's a difference between culling a victim of Gore Magalas' blight to stop further infection and disruption of herd animals that could lead to mass starvation of predators that could then turn their attention to settlements, and killing because you want a new pair of boots.

As for capturing wild monsters for research purposes, they are often tagged (to keep an eye on numbers) and released afterwards unless there is a problem found such as injury or illness - which if treatable means they are leased to the care of people like myself to be nursed back to full health.

- Leo Briarworth

----

I don’t like them. I don’t trust them. 

I studied Riders for a while under Guild instruction, avoiding interfering as per my agreement. What I saw those villagers do bothered me.

Countless times, I watched them harass and fight monsters until they retreated to their nests, at which point the Riders rifled about as the mothers rested, picking through the eggs that the wyverns had curled around as if they expected not to wake again. Many times, I saw the mother awaken and naturally attempt to defend her nest, only to be slain because of her own instinct to protect herself and the next generation of her species. 

In those instances, the nest was left unattended. The Riders got their prize, but at the cost of a family. They then took the egg, hatched it, and raised it as their own--as if the irreparable damage they’d just caused was an afterthought. There’s no effort to conserve the species. No attempt to ensure that the balance is upheld. It makes my blood boil.

Their practices are reprehensible. There’s no excuse for the loss of life they cause. It’s one thing to adopt a monster that’s been orphaned. It’s another to be the reason that it’s an orphan.

I won’t be going back to that village unless it’s under Guild orders to put a stop to the environmental chaos they’re wreaking.

-Oleander

[spooky-draws-stuff]

Updated my ego headcannons recently.

Dr schneep, or Henrick von schneepelstein is a surgeon who works long hours and is very tired. He is always helping Jbm with his injuries. He understands psychology. He is the doctor for all of the egos and is stuck dealing with other people's problems. Whenever Chase or Jackie accidentally do something wrong or get into trouble they complain to Schneep about the problem.

Personality: intelligent, somewhat pessimistic. friendly. Extremely selfless.

mildly depressed at times. Short tempered. Easily stressed.

Henrick is 27 years old.

He is the second smartest ego.

His eyes are blue, and he is 5 feet tall 8 inches. He wears glasses because he needs them to see.

Henrick is not in a relationship and he's friends with all the egos except Anti.

It is very possible that Henrick can only feel romantic attraction to someone he's really close to, and if he's not then he can't feel romantic attraction to them.

His preferred name is Schneep. He is heavily introverted and his internal struggles consist of a contradictory mixture of working well under pressure, having a reasonable sense of confidence in his abilities, being terrified at being a failure, wanting to work consistently but over doing it. He feels really lonely and has miscommunication between the egos, unintentionally starting arguments, wants to understand their feelings but focuses too much on reason than having empathy.

He wants to have empathy, and he does, but he's so stressed out that he can't help everyone. He's good at staying organized. He's very stubborn. He might come across as too judgmental, but he'll apologize about it later. He hides all his feelings because he doesn't know how to express his sense of caring for others. He gets bored if he's not working, which results in the other egos forcing him to take breaks because Henrick please, we care about you so much drink less coffee and get more sleep, we don't know what we would do without you.

Abilities/Additional information

Schneep is highly intelligent in medical science. He's so good at it in fact that he has illegally created superior medical technology, some of it involving useful but often unorthodox methods. He has even researched how to clone both animals and humans. His unrevealed product is the MedG-#1105, which rapidly increases cell regeneration solving issues such as serve wounds or organ damage. He may mostly be a surgeon but he has also studied psychology and neurology. He has a small amount of knowledge with physical therapy.  He loves inventing things, but his inventions are mostly relating to medicine and health. Henrick is a caffine addict due to lack of sleep from working long hours, both in the hospital and at home. He owns a grey cat with black stripes and blue eyes. His cat is a female, and she is very fluffy. Schneep secretly loves cats. The weapons he uses is a gun and maybe some surgical tools. He carries a flask of whiskey. Drinks it when stressed.

Schneep lives with Robbie and is trying to research a way for Robbie to eat human food without getting sick. He really wants to help his friends, but he's so busy helping others that he forgets to take care of himself.

Chase is a depressed father who doesn't have a career and cannot support himself because he doesn't have enough money.

Personality: really nice, soft boy vibes. Depression hits hard. He pretends to be energetic and funny because its what he wishes he could be. He fakes his confidence. Very fragile. Needs a hug. Get him some coffee.

depression, alcoholic. Ptsd from Anti. Constant self deprecation humor concerns his friends. Doesn't always take his meds. Staying in bed all day and barely eating  is "self care."

Chase is one of the youngest egos, he is only 24 years old. He is a live stream gamer on his youtube channel. His eyes are blue.

He is best friends with Jackie.

Chase is 5 feet 7 inches tall, the same height as Marvin.

His son's name is grayson, and his daughter's name is Susie. Chase has a car surprisingly.

Chase is super lonely in his apartment and takes care of plants. Plants are his friends now. He has a platonic friendship with Jbm. He likes video games and will binge Netflix to solve his problems. And yes, he does own a Nintendo switch. His favorite games are Pokemon and super smash bros.

Chase attempted to smoke weed once, but freaked out and regretted it. He drinks whiskey or light beer and cries to lofi beats music. He loves Spider-Man comic books. He aplogizes to schneep constantly, but schneep is okay with it.

His favorite place is taco bell. This is cannon now and you cannot stop me.

Chase loves to play uno with Jbm.

Chase's third closet friend is Marvin.

Chase might be Bi