#(to be safe. i know s1 and 2 have been out for a while but i'm sure there's people on my dash who haven't seen it lmao)

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

How’s the 911 of it all going

It's going well. I've been binging (because I do not know how to watch a show normally rip) for most of yesterday and today and just finished 2x10. First impressions are as follows:

Abby was my favourite and the most relatable (as someone who is also a carer to their mother) character of season 1 and I miss her dearly. Idk if this is unpopular but I am surprised (derogatory) that the Abby/Buck story gone on as long as it has. I think it started well as a 'they were both looking for something that the other encompassed in theory but not necessarily looking for each other in reality' story but I really thought that after a bit it was going to end up with them realising they worked better as friends and then having Abby leave for her adventure.

Athena is the character that has grown most on me. While obviously it was rough for her and I sympathise with that, it took a bit to get over feeling like she was making Michael's coming out about herself while trying to say that it was for the family, even long after the children had accepted it. But that is coming from a spot where myself and a lot of queer people I know had our coming out either delayed or otherwise altered by others making it about themselves so I understand that that is in part a me problem. Her trying to solve all of the cold cases because of that little girl that went missing when she was a child is so interesting and I imagine that will come back later in the series which I'm excited for.

On the note of Athena and Michael, I understand that Bobby is a main character but I do wish they'd put as much, or at least more, focus on Michael's relationship. Like even with the homecoming photos, they got Michael's partner to take the photo so Bobby could be in it rather than someone else so they both could be.

I was surprised Eddie didn't show up until season 2. It's also lowkey hilarious that he acted like he had an 'affair' with his wife. Like I get that they were estranged but yeah it was just funny. Overall I think he's my favourite male character and I love the family dynamic between him, his aunt, his grandmother and Christopher.

It was also hilarious that I thought we were getting a rivals/enemies to lovers story for all of about 2 seconds with Buck/Eddie before Buck was p much like "actually no I am in love with this man" (Maddie saying "does this mancrush mean that you're over Abby?" took me out because older sisters always know lmao).

I want to wrap Maddie up in a bubble and never let anyone touch her again. Like I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable but as someone who came from a background of domestic violence and has had to escape another (friendship) situation of abuse, god she is so relatable and I just love her. Like I would go to war for any of these characters but especially her.

As a whole, I was wary about starting this show knowing that it was a Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk project because the last thing I watched of theirs was Glee and well... let's just leave it with we all know how off the rails that went. But so far this feels fairly stable. I was surprised to find as a whole it wasn't one fire/crime/emergency of the week but typically 3. I think this has its pros and cons and admittedly I do think it works best when they all intertwine like the earthquake episode did, but it's something different and I applaud them for that. I also feel like everything has good setup, even the 'little' things. Like sure at face value May saying "Everyone at school will know" when Michael comes out can be seen as her making it about herself and being worried about the unrealised potential of bullying but when you find out that it's just another thing she can be bullied over and that the bullying already was that bad, it makes total sense that that's where mind went.

Anyway this has become super long but the TLDR is that I'm enjoying it and interested in where it could go.

[jimothyhalperts]

Okay, so I’m on my second watch of s2 and I think people are really being too harsh on Aziraphale. Here’s the receipts:

1 - He said to Metatron that he didn’t want to go back to heaven, he only accepted the job after Metatron said he could take Crowley with him

2 - When Crowley says “If Gabriel and Belzebu can go off together, then we can [...].We need to get away from them, just be an us. You and me.”, Aziraphale answers “Come with me to heaven. [...] We can make a difference.[...] We can be together, angels, doing good.” He is not rejecting Crowley nor the idea of them being together, he is rejecting the idea of doing nothing to make things better. He’s saying “let’s be an us in heaven, where we can be together and look after this planet that we both love instead of abandoning it”

(Of course that he is seeing heaven through rose-tinted glasses, but this is a whole different rant)

3 - The dialogue in the book shop is very similar to S1 when Crowley say they can go off together and let the Armageddon happen: While Crowley wants to run away and save them both, Aziraphale wants to try saving Earth, the only difference is that now Aziraphale recognizes that he needs Crowley and wants to be with Crowley.

4 - Just before EVERY, Crowley says “You idiot, we could have been us”, Aziraphale turns away from him to cry. In this scene I believe they are both thinking the same thing “He might even want to be with me but only on his terms.” 

5 - The “I FORGIVE YOU” scene, he meant “I forgive you for not wanting to come with me and trying to change my mind, instead breaking my heart even more”

Aziraphale LOVES Earth and will try to do everything to save it and he knows Crowley loves Earth too, they are not Gabriel and Belzebu who never cared for Earth nor humans. He knows Crowley didn’t want to work for Hell anymore and that he is good and he can finally do good without being punished.

Crowley (and the viewers) has a much clearer and realistic vision of how things work, because heaven has already betrayed him. He doesn’t want to go back there because he already knows all of its flaws. 

Crowley is a realist (and a bit of a pessimist), he believes Earth will end because heaven and hell cannot be trusted, so the best solution is to run away while they can.

 Aziraphale is an idealistic, he is going to heaven, he is going to fix the system, Earth will be happy and safe forever, Crowley will realize that and go to heaven after him and they will live happily ever after. 

SO WHEN Metatron said about the second coming Aziraphale REALIZED Crowley was right about heaven, but he still had to try to save Earth instead of taking the easy way out.

SO STOP TALKING SHIT ABOUT THE ANGEL, HE LOVES CROWLEY AND LOVES EARTH AND IS JUST TRYING TO SAVE EVERYONE

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I've been thinking about how Ed starts directly killing people in s2e8. I've seen a lot of worry that this is tragic, that it's Ed falling back into a life he hates with more vigor, and I don't think it's meant to be understood that way at all.

I think it's a triumph.

One thing we absolutely have to understand: there has never been a time on the show when Ed wasn't killing people. That's true for all characters; this is a show about pirates. Even in s1, Ed was leading successful raids and ordering racists skinned. In a realistic sense, nothing has changed.

The difference is in how Ed does not need to construct intricate ways to distance himself from it anymore.

We know that Ed's first time killing was his abusive dad, an event that deeply traumatized him, and it left him thinking himself an absolute monster. His own capacity for violence disgusts and terrifies him, and even though he's been very successful in a very violent career, he needed to distance himself from killing people ("the fire killed those guys, not me") to avoid confronting this part of himself. He believes that the part of himself that is so capable of violence is irredeemable, a monster, unworthy of love.

Even at the start of the season, when Ed is in a self-destructive spiral, it's debateable if he's directly killing anyone. If Lucius had died, he'd probably have said the sea did it, not him. The guy we see him shoot during the raid sequence already had a knife through his chest - it's a step up, and surely meant to be understood as self-harm more than anything else, but that's still a mercy kill, if anything.

Compare to the finale of season 2. These are direct kills, there is no way to argue that Ed is not responsible. It is not debateable that Ed killed all those British officers.

A lot of the worry I've seen around this concern how Ed is going back to what he's good at (as Pop-Pop told him to), and there's an asusmption that that is killing people/violence. But that's not true, is it? Ed's never been good at killing people, his hangups around directly killing are a known character trait. So...what is Ed good at?

Think about how the scene plays out. Ed sees the Republic burning; he can only assume Stede is either captured, wounded, or dead. He's horrified and dazed, his ears ring - he kills the two British soldiers who happen upon him, he decided to fish up his Blackbeard outfit.

What is Ed actually good at? He's a good pirate, a good captain. He's good at keeping his crew safe, he's good at keeping Stede safe. He has to think he's either going to be embarking on a mission to get revenge or to save his boyfriend.

At first, I was very hesitant about the idea of Ed having to go back to piracy, which he says he hates. But what he was actually trying to do was drown Blackbeard, the part of himself he sees as so unworthy of love. He needed to see that Blackbeard is part of him, that he's not a monster or unloveable, that Blackbeard can help him save his friends and his boyfriend.

It's not a coincidencethat the show goes out of its way to make Ed's killing people in this episode as morally easy to accept as possible. The British officers we see are all racist and mean and unpleasant - like, damn, singing 'we shall never be slaves' while making Black characters serve them? Gross! They got what was coming to them! This is the 'racists deserve to die' show, after all.

And Ed uses this violence as a tool for love, to get him back to his boyfriend, to give them a triumphic reunion. I don't think it's a coincidence that this is when Ed tells Stede he loves him, either - he's come one step closer to accepting he's worthy of love, he's more ready to acknowledge what they have.

Ed doesn't have to feel bad about killing those officers. The show doesn't ask him to. He gets to retire while still wearing his Blackbeard outfit - Blackbeard gets to retire, not be drowned with a canonball in the ocean. And we're left with Ed, still with a lot of growing to do and a lot of self-discovery left, but he's closer to realizing that he's not a monster and that he's so deserving of love.

[multifandumbmeg]

Thinking about how JJ was the only Pogue who ever really saw and respected Kiara, and that's why he was the endgame. John B and Pope aren't bad people, but ultimately they liked her because she was hot and maybe fun to hang out with. Since being rejected by her, both have actually been a lot more respectful of her and stopped treating her like an object. Of course JJ also finds her attractive, anyone with eyes would, but there was a marked difference in how he interacted with her season 1 and 2. Even as it became clear he had true romantic feelings for her, he kept his hands off apart from a few, truly friendly interactions- there was never an ulterior motive or sexual undertone to the way he touched her, as if he had intuited she didn't like that early on and abided (okay apart from that montage scene in episode one where they'e dancing, but note he doesn't actually touch her and it stops on good terms when she pretend slaps him, unlike the awkward icky reaction she gives John B and Pope every time they try something). He even says in season 1 that he "tried that door" and implies she rejected him, and I wonder if maybe he made a slight physical move once and after she reacted poorly, dutifully kept his hands off. That's respect. That's acknowledging her autonomy. Also, though they bicker sometimes when he calls out her rich privilege, he always either takes her side (or intervenes and diffuses in the case of that S1 argument with Pope), defends her, and maintains that she's one of them. Coming from the one with the least out of all of them, that's meaningful, and I think it's because he's the only one that (at least initially) sees her beyond the surface level. John B and especially Pope come with a litany of reasons they're not compatible long term with Kiara, which she is aware of; JJ's primary obstacle is himself.

Regarding emotional intimacy, this is another place Jiara stands out. While Kiara can be emotionally vulnerable with a number of people (not uncommon for girls, who are raised to be that way) JJ is only emotionally intimate with her, all the way back to season 1. He cries in front of her several times, even lets her hold and comfort him when he's at his lowest. Contrast this to his best friend in the world John B. Though JJ clearly cares about him a ton and they're both ride or die, John B completely turns a blind eye to his abuse and neglect. I'm sure he knows JJ doesn't want to talk about it, but in doing so he normalizes and accepts that behavior, which further entrenches the normalization to JJ. Kiara on the other hand is extremely direct in denouncing JJ's treatment from the start. Even if JJ doesn't directly open up about it until the hot tub scene, she makes it clear where she stands and that she's on his side, which is exactly why he knows she's safe to be vulnerable about it with her. Kiara also innately understands and is lenient with him in ways that others aren't. She seems to naturally see the direct connection between what he's feeling, why he is the way that is, and the way that he behaves, even when he's self-sabotaging. She knows him on a deeper level too, which terrifies him until he overcomes it- entirely thanks to her patient, repeated efforts to reassure him.

All this to say I love the interactions we're getting in season 4, even if there's surprisingly little physical intimacy. JJ being protective on main (although we already saw this in season 2 with Kiara and his dad), Kiara accepting him even at his stupidest because loves him warts and all, Kiara reaffirming her feelings for him often, JJ making an effort to do things that make her happy (like having a little date), and of course, once again JJ respecting her autonomy no questions asked (agreeing despite his own fears to let her go along on the diving venture).

They want the same things, they're innately comfortable with each other, they protect each other, they respect each other, and they know each other's value. And, of course, they also thoroughly enjoy each other's company. That's why they're perfect for each other.

[iridescenttttttt]

This includes s5 spoilers!!

I think we as a fandom should talk more about how sun wukong has absolutely no self preservation, and how he has been self-sacrificial since season 1. Hi, my name is iridescent, and in this essay-

ok but in all seriousness, I have evidence from every season of him doing this, and I will be analyzing it and informing about it Meticulously.

I also have a couple of tangents about him protecting MK in here. I just like the detail of him always doing that, especially considering how he does it.

it wasn’t just season 5 where he was willing to sacrifice himself, season 5 was just the only season where it was outright blatantly stated that he was going to sacrifice himself.

(^Image taken from S1 EP9, Macaque)

this image in and of itself is fairly minor. Because we know he’s going to be okay. he is immortal, and compared to MK, an explosion most definitely will not do much, if anything, to him. and I’m sure he’s fully aware of this (which is probably part of the reason he shields MK with his body so much, there are SO many example of him doing this)

Still, even the fact his immediate instinct was to throw himself in harms way to protect MK is pretty sacrificial in and of itself. I’m 100% certain that even if it could hurt him, he would still protect MK like this.

(^ image taken from S2 EP10, this is the end)

Wukong here is visibly weakened and injured. It was stated early in season 3 that he was weak, and even at the end of season 2, we could tell. ESPECIALLY when he grabbed MK and escaped from LBD on his nimbus cloud. By the time they found their friends, it was deteriorating, and they quiet literally crash landed onto the ship.

But despite his obviously weakened state, he was still throwing himself in front of MK, protecting him from harm, and shielding him with his body. His first thought was to throw himself in harms way, and this time, there is a very real possibility that he probably can get injured! He’s weak, his powers are failing, there is no way he would have the energy to fight LBD. Not in the state he is in at this very moment, and MK isn’t, either. He knows this- I know he does, because instead of picking a fight, he grabs MK and runs. He even admits that he isn’t in any shape to face her. However, even though he knows he would hardly be able to put up a fight as it stands right now, he is still willing to throw himself in front of MK. (Which also directly supports what I said above! It does not matter if he can get hurt if not, he will still put himself in harms way to keep MK safe)

Similarly to above, he was fully willing to find and reforge the samadhi fire on his own, despite his weakened state- to keep the others out of harms way, because they are mortal and he is not. Still, even despite him being immortal, he’s trying to reforge the samadhi fire- one of the rare things that has the ability to actually hurt him. Wukong knows this, and he is still willing to do this alone. Even though he is obviously injured, and weakened, and there is a very real possibility the samadhi fire could kill him, he is willing to do this on his own. Because they are mortals- if the fire can kill him, then it can definitely kill them, too.

(^ Image taken from S3, EP1, on the run)

season 3 is, in my opinion, where his self-sacrificial tendencies and complete lack of self preservation becomes a lot more obvious. So, fair warning, season 3 is probably going to be a long one.

Wukong is fully willing to risk himself to get the map. And it isn’t like he doesn’t know the risks of forcing his way through the Barrie. Ne Zha even warns him, and says that if he forces his way through the barrier, they could both be destroyed. And honestly? If Wukong wasn’t, like, 7x immortal, there is a very real possibility that he would’ve been destroyed, then and there. And while, yeah, Ne Zha didn’t die, either, he also wasnt the one actively breaking through the barrier. I’m sure if Ne Zha was the one breaking through, he probably would’ve died. Even then, Wukong was severely weakened after this (as seen and talked about above!), he knew the risks and he still took them. He knew he could die, but if it meant saving the world and keeping MK and his friends safe? He would do it. And, again, even after being fully aware of his weakened state, he immediately ran to the protection of MK as soon as he realized he was in danger.

(^images taken from S3 EP10, The Samadhi Fire)

I’ve already talked about how often he is shown to use his body to protect MK from danger, but here, specifically, I want to mention be we are specifically shown a scene of him moving his arm to protect MK from danger. Especially considering the danger is the samadhi fire- something that can actually harm him. This is different from most other times he’s doing this, because this time, he can actually get hurt.

This is one of, in my opinion, one the most obvious examples of him being a self sacrificing idiot with very little self preservation (/aff)

his entire plan, from the very beginning, was to try and take the samadhi fire out of Mei (because he never wanted her to be harmed- he’s spent the entirety of season 2 and 3 trying to protect MK and his friends, he never one intentionally hurt them) and put it in himself. Think about that. The samadhi fire is something that can harm him- kill him, and he knows that. He knows that extremely well. His entire plan could lead to his death, and he’s aware of that. And the same thing goes for when he was getting the map in the first place- both times, he was fully aware that there is a possibility he could die from this. He doesn’t care, though. If it protects the people he cares about, he’s going to do it- even if he dies in the process.

once again, we are specifically shown a scene of him trying to protect MK. His immediate thought has always been to take the brunt of the fire, and keep MK from danger- I fully think, had there not been a shock factor to MK literally running straight in, he would have ran in after.

Again, in this scene he has no self preservation, and he is very self sacrificial. His entire plan from the very beginning hitched on having a weapon, something powerful enough to stop the lady bone demon, except that plan has failed, and now, there is no weapon. So his new solution? Stop LBD himself.

If he was truly confident he could beat her again, then why did he go looking for the samadhi fire, instead of going to immediately fight her and stop her? He’s desperate, he knows how bad the situation is, and he still isn’t sure if he can even beat her. He’s still willing to try, if it means protecting MK and his friends, and saving the world. He’s going into the fight. Alone. No backup, no plan, no samadhi fire. (And we know this goes wrong, too) He is fully aware of this! He knows he’s going into a fight he’s might not come out of. Everyone else knows this, too- Ne Zha even points out the chances of him surviving are slim.

(^ image taken from S4, EP1, familiar tales)

once again, his immediate reaction (even when being faced with his trauma) is to protect and save MK. He knows what the scroll is, and he knows what’s going to happen if he gets stuck inside of it- despite that, he still sacrifices himself to ensure MK doesn’t get stuck inside of the scroll. He lets himself get sucked into it. He is willing to face all of the mistakes he’s made and the trauma he’s endured to protect MK from having to go through the same.

WARNING YOU ALL AGAIN!!! S5 SPOILERS BEGIN NOW!!

Let’s all be honest here, they’re both lacking in the self preservation department. They are not lacking in the self sacrifice department, though, I’ll tell you that much! This entire fight, they are very blatant about how they are, quite literally, fighting over who gets to sacrifice themself. There isn’t much to say here that wouldn’t be stating the obvious- neither of them want eachother to sacrifice themselves, they both want to be the sacrifice.

TLDR: Sun Wukong has been self sacrificial and has had a disregard for his own preservation since we were introduced to him. This has only become more apparent as he grew closer to MK, and as his character has developed.

is all of this already very obvious? Mmmaybe???? I’m not too sure. Did I make a couple of reaches a couple of times? Mmmmmmmaaaaaybe. Is this an excuse to infodump and talk about sun wukong? Yeah. Am I sorry? No.

[toobusybeingdelulu]

no because why do I have the feeling that the night at the Byers’ house steve needed that fight more than billy? think about it. When seeing Steve on the porch he immediately relaxes (leaning against the car, lighted cigarette, hand on the belt) while Steve is more closed off and tense (arms crossed etc).

Steve knew that that encounter would have ended in blood one way or another, while I don’t think that Billy did: he was just there to pick up his sister. His night had already been ruined. Not even a fight could fix it. And also he had to hurry up because Neil was waiting for him, and last but not least… I don’t think he had wanted to fight steve in the first place, despite what everyone may think. I’ve always had the impression that, in canon, he wanted to get to know him in a non-antagonistic way, but didn’t know how to properly… do that, you know? So yeah, a bit of advice on the basketball court, with just enough pushing to not give Steve the idea that he was some sort of pussy (after all, we‘ve seen how he was raised), then some compliments under the shower and a little bit of encouragement (‘don’t sweat it Harrington’ ‘today is just not your day man’ + side eye at Tommy when he teased him about Nancy + ‘don’t take it too hard man, a pretty boy like you has got nothing to worry about.’) and he probably thought that maybe he was doing a good job at it?

Well. Steve did not think so. How can we blame him tho? Let’s remember that Steve is in a hurricane of emotions in season 2: he just lost his spot as king of the crowds, his shot at a normal life and his girlfriend. And then there is this new boy (who is going through just as much of a change) who cannot stop being in his space, and being mean, and pushing him around, and how could he believe that he was being friendly? Of course he is gonna think that dude’s just being a dick for the sake of making his life hell, for some reason. Even the compliments he threw his way may sound as mocking for someone who had been told to his face by his girlfriend that he was nothing but bullshit.

So.. yeah. It’s safe to say that these two idiots did not understand each other, so a fight had been inevitable. And of course it was started by Steve. Because he is the one that had a different perception of Billy’s behaviors towards him than billy himself: maybe he thought that he would have fought him even if he had told him the truth. Or some reasonable lie. Either way, it would have been inevitable. but least he could have a little fun before the first punch, ergo the “were you dropped too much as a child or what?” Because what the duffers and even his fans don’t understand about Steve Harrington’s character is that he is still a former mean girl. No matter how hard they try to uwufying him. Did he change since s1? Sure. But that doesn’t mean he can’t be bitter. That he can’t be awful sometimes. And selfish. But that is fine!! Because that’s what made him interesting in the first place. And the night at the Byers’ had been one of those times. Did billy get out of line with his violence once started? Sure. But Steve threw the first punch. And he needed that fight, because unlike the monster in the fridge, THAT was something familiar. THAT was something normal teenagers did.

and the thing that makes this dynamic even more interesting? Is that Billy loved this side of Steve (“looks like you got some fire in you after all huh? I’ve been waiting to meet this king Steve everyone is telling me so much about”) Because, once again, it was something that he recognized.

In the end, they were both scared kids trying to find a bit of normalcy in each other’s blood in order to escape their respective monsters.

[ageless-aislynn]

Title: “15 Minutes” (9/?) Author:  @ageless-aislynn​ Characters/fandom: Master Chief John-117/Reader, Halo the series Summary: You're in peril but don't be afraid, help is near. Series: How to date a Spartan (without even trying) Rating:  T (PG13) Length: 2,568 (this chapter, 22,261 total so far) Spoilers: Set in the Silver Timeline of Halo the series, not the games or novels. Though we began with the events of Halo 1x06, there will be no more show spoilers. We are still firmly seated in the AU Warthog, merrily driving out to places where there’s only a passing nod to canon. 😉 Trigger warning: claustrophobia Disclaimer: Definitely not mine but I do enjoy borrowing them just for a bit! 😉 A/N:  Text is both here in this post or available at AO3, however you like to read. Halo season 2 has finally arrived! However, this fic continues to zip along in the AU Party Warthog, so, while we began with season 1 way back when (and you’ll see a few more things from s1 along the way 😉), we’ll not be venturing into s2 territory at all. Unless s2 is going to take some verrrrry interesting twists, lol! Chapter 10 is in progress by hand but I hope to have it ready soon. 🤞😣🤞 The tags have been updated for hurt/comfort starting with this chapter. If you read, I hope you enjoy! ⭐💖⭐

Taglist: @pinheadbanger​ @mysardencut​ @laurenstacy610​ @sporadicbelievernightmare​ @ultrablackwidower​ @bxmxtx​ @jellotherelol

If you would like to be tagged in my John/Reader fics, just let me know! I also write John/Kai, John/Cortana and Kai/male Reader, so I’m glad to tag you for whatever you’d like. If you would like to be removed from the taglist, also feel free to let me know, no harm, no foul. 😉 💖

Halo fic masterlist ⭐

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8

Trigger warning again: claustrophobia If you need to avoid the actual scene, skip the entire first section but there will be a lot of mentions of it again through the rest of the chapter, just so you're aware. I don't want to cause any distress to anyone so if you'd like a recap of what happens in this chapter, feel free to contact me here and I'm happy to oblige so you can stay in-the-know without reading something that could trigger a bad reaction. Stay safe, my friends! 🤗

You tried to gasp in a breath but there was a weight pinning you down. Smoke burned your lungs and your eyes. Your left arm couldn't move but you were able to bring your right hand up to wipe your face, trying to clear your vision. The only light in the rubble came from a shower of sparks a few feet away, emitting from a panel half-ripped from the wall. There was very little to orientate yourself by.

"Hello?" you tried to call but you couldn't take a deep enough breath to yell. The muffled ring in your ears told you that at least one of your eardrums had ruptured.

Evaluate, you thought in the tone you used when triaging patients, shoving down a wave of panic. You tried to squeeze out from under whatever was pressed across your back. No good, too much weight.

There wasn't a tremendous amount of pain but you worried at the numbness from your waist down, behind whatever was restraining you.

Evaluate.

You tested moving your legs, your feet, your toes. It felt strange but yes, you had movement.

Spinal cord potentially compromised but not severed, you diagnosed as clinically as possible.

Something overhead gave an alarming groan.

Alert help. Report your position.

"Hello? I'm by the crane operator booth. Can anyone hear me?"

You couldn't get the volume you wanted and you automatically tried to inhale deeper. You couldn't and had to fight another wave of panic. The animal part of your brain wanted to claw the twisted metal of the deck, trying to squirm free, but when you twitched, something above you groaned again.

You had no way to know how perilous the collapsed structure was. A wrong move could bring it all down.

A fresh wave of smoke irritated your nose and you coughed weakly. From far away, you heard the muffled sound of a woman saying your rank and last name.

"Here," you choked out. "I'm here."

A blue light shimmered a few feet away, the lower half of a blue-tinted woman, her upper body phased through the rubble. Then she shrank until she fit the space, adjusting like a camera lens. A hologram.

She repeated your rank and last name. "We have your location," she said, your damaged hearing distorting her voice. "Sit tight, a rescue crew is on their way."

You tried to respond but the smoke triggered more coughing, so you nodded.

"I'll stay with you for as long as the holo-emiter holds," she said, gesturing towards the ruined wall panel that continued to spark.

"Thank you," you managed to say. "Casualties?"

She glanced up and away as if receiving new information. "Reports coming in of injuries but no fatalities. Your alert gave enough time for almost everyone to get clear."

"Good." You made yourself slow your breathing down, taking shallow breaths since you couldn't take deeper ones. For a moment, your head swam and it felt like the floor tipped. Your fingers scratched for a hold on the crumpled metal.

The sound of your rank and name cut through the terror. "You're all right," the woman assured you. "You're not falling. Try to stay still. Silver Team will be back on site in a few more minutes. John will be here soon."

It gave you something to focus on other than bring trapped. The way she knew that the mention of John would comfort you, that she didn't call him Master Chief like most people did, even the mannerism of how she'd looked away, like someone was speaking in her ear...

"Your name wouldn't be Ms. Classified, would it?" you asked haltingly and tried to smile.

"That's... not inaccurate," she said and maybe it was your blurry vision but you could've sworn she gave you a fond smile, like she knew you. "I'm not supposed to tell my name."

You tried to say it was all right but couldn't draw enough breath.

"Ah, screw it," she said. "What are they going to do, fire me? My name is Cortana."

You must've blacked out because the next thing you knew, she was kneeling next to you, her small holographic hand resting atop your outstretched arm as she repeated your rank and name.

If you could get a breath, you needed a good, solid breath. Your chest instinctively fought to expand but couldn't beneath the pressure bearing down on your back. Something above you slid and the pressure abruptly worsened. You clawed, you fought, you struggled to breathe. To live.

"John, get here now! The support beam is failing!"

"Not his fault," you tried to say. "Tell him. Not his--"

Metal screamed and everything went dark.

You woke, grasping at nothing. You still couldn't get a deep breath but this time you were on your back and it felt like someone had laced a corset brutally tight around you.

"Easy there. You're all right," said a deep voice.

Your vision swam and then Spartan Vannak-134 appeared out from the dim lighting. You were still clawing at the air, trying to sit up, and he caught your hand a little awkwardly in his much larger ones.

"Where?" you gasped.

"You're back on Reach, in medical."

Once he said it, details emerged like a black and white picture filling in with color: the beeps of the monitors, the distinctive antiseptic smell. Your hearing was still deadened but not as much as before, meaning they had already begun healing therapies on your eardrums.

Anything you might've wanted to say dissolved like sugar on your tongue before the words could be spoken. Your head seemed too full. I'm drugged, you thought and that was the last thing you knew for a while.

Voices drew you from the murky depths and you tried to open your eyes but couldn't.

"Hold her hand," Vannak said in a quiet rumble. "She likes that."

A new hand gently folded around yours and your fingers instinctively gripped hold.

You woke, feeling the phantom press of metal bearing down on you, forcing the air from your lungs. You tried to sit up, your limbs flailed, uncoordinated and leaden. A second hand closed around yours and a feminine voice began to softly sing, a lullaby in a language you didn't recognize.

The room was blurry but you caught a glimpse of red hair -- Spartan Riz-028. You went under once more, dreaming of music that soothed your fears.

Later, there was a new voice to lure you up from the sticky darkness.

"Poor little thing. She looks so small."

"She'll heal. Hold her hand, it helps."

At some point, you jolted awake to find your hand cradled carefully within Kai's.

"Hey," she said, sitting up straighter in the chair next to the bed. "You need anything?"

Your head felt less stuffed with cotton than before but now that cotton seemed to have been transferred to your mouth. "Water?" you croaked.

She jumped up and returned shortly, carrying a cup with a straw in it. You intended to sit up but a searing pain in your ribs immediately convinced you that was a bad idea and you let her help you by holding the straw to your lips.

"Slowly," she advised.

Once you'd taken a couple of sips, you mumbled your thanks then promptly passed out.

You thought you'd closed your eyes for a brief moment but when they fluttered open, it wasn't Kai sitting in the chair, holding your hand.

As soon as John knew you were awake, he was on his feet, carefully brushing the fingertips of his free hand along the curve of your cheek.

You mouthed his name.

"Rest," he said. "I'm here. You're safe."

For the first time in what seemed like forever, you truly felt as if you were. Your mind let go.

"And how's our favorite mech, the Hero of the Pit?"

"That's not a very heroic name," you confessed, smiling as Maria and then Jamie entered medical.

You were sitting on the side of the bed in generic gray scrubs, waiting for Dr. Savannah to give you final instructions before your release. It had been two days since the explosion. Your hearing had, thankfully, returned to normal. The rest of you... not so much but you were on the mend.

They both gave you careful hugs.

"You look a lot less like you were squashed by a building," Jamie said sincerely and Maria punched his arm. "Hey, that was a compliment!"

"Don't make me laugh," you begged, holding your left side. They'd fused your broken ribs back together but the tissue damage would take longer to resolve. Still, aches, pains, limited motion and all, you knew you were very lucky.

"I hope they're giving you a nice vacation, at least," Maria went on.

"I should be ready for light duty in a week."

"Technically, I said we'd evaluate you for light duty in a week," Dr. Savannah corrected as she entered. "Afraid your friends will have to catch up with you later."

They said their goodbyes and, as they left, you started to stand. The doctor quickly said, "No, you don't. I don't want you walking on that leg."

"It's not broken," you argued.

"Not anymore," she countered. "Stay put. I got you a ride."

"I don't need to be wheeled back to the barracks." You tried to keep your tone confident but the truth was even that little bit of exertion had left you feeling twinges all along your left leg. Your left shoulder throbbed with each heartbeat.

"Well, good thing you're wrong on both counts," she said, winking. "And here he is now."

John came through the door, dressed in his undersuit as if either about to head to the Brokkr stations to have his Mjolnir mounted up or returning from having it removed. You didn't even realize you'd moved to rise again until Dr. Savannah put a practiced hand on your good shoulder to keep you down.

"I'll be sending PT to you twice a day, starting tomorrow," she said. "They'll help you to get your strength and mobility back. Around that, rest. Catch up on your reading, watch some thoroughly trashy movies, and keep your feet up. Not too far up, though. Nothing too strenuous. Make him do all of the work."

That got you to look at her and she waggled her eyebrows.

John cleared his throat slightly, a faint but definite flush creeping up from his collar. "Yes, ma'am."

"All right, see you back in a few days, sooner if anything else develops. You know what to watch for."

It wasn't until she stepped back and John approached that it clicked.

"You're going to carry me?"

"Yes, ma'am," he repeated in a murmur that shivered straight down your spine.

Since your left side had taken the brunt of the damage, he put your right to his chest and cautiously picked you up in a bridal carry. Despite the care, being moved set a thousand things to hurting and your breath hitched as he straightened.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," you said, your tone tighter than you would've liked. You thought, I hope nobody sees me being toted around like this, but, as soon as you left medical, you realized that no one was actually looking at you.

I think if Master Chief offered to drop me and pick up any marine, ODST or officer in this hall, they'd be hopping into his arms before I even hit the floor!

At the first turn he made, you realized the rest of it. "This isn't the way to the barracks."

"Nope," he said and you knew him well enough now to see the hint of a smile in his eyes.

You didn't have to wait for further clues, there was only one place, then, that he could be taking you. "How many strings did you have to pull for this?"

"Not as many as you might think," he demurred. "Your actions saved lives."

And they could've blamed you for failing to make sure a bomb hadn't been sent to the Pit in the first place. The curly tailed Warthog had been your responsibility, after all. You'd been curtly informed of all that when they'd debriefed you the first day you'd had your eyes open for more than 15 minutes.

You doubted they'd told that to John, though.

When you reached his room, he maneuvered so to get his thumb on the panel without jostling you too much. The lights came on as he took you through the doorway and then he paused.

"Kai," he rumbled, shaking his head. "She said studies show people heal better with color. I should've known she'd overdo it. Say the word and I'll have her in here clearing this out."

"It's your room," you said, "but personally, I love it."

The duvet on the bed and the pillows on the couch were now a rainbow of jewel tones. A tapestry with a field of sunflowers dominated the wall at the foot of the bed and you could've sworn there was a dusting of diamond glitter shimmering on every wall, sending tiny holographic rainbows through the air in all directions. But the main thing that caught your attention was overhead.

"She put up stars," you said, brightening.

"Ah, that one was actually me," he confessed. "You seemed to really like those in her room so I thought..."

You stretched up in his arms, inhaling a little sharply at the stab of pain in your left side, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I love them, John. Thank you."

A short time later, you found yourself lying on the bed in the darkened room, looking up at those stars. John had profusely apologized for not being able to stay after getting you settled in. He'd turned down the bed so you wouldn't have to, had put your padd close at hand on the nightstand to the right along with a bottle of water and a couple of emergency ration packs in case you got hungry before someone bought you a meal. He'd even procured you a set of unthinkably soft civvies to change into, exactly your size and in your favorite color.

You couldn't imagine that a Spartan had ever taken care of a sick or wounded person before, other than in a battlefield triage situation, so he'd probably found a checklist from somewhere to guide him. His earnestness to make sure he'd done everything right sent warmth flooding through you.

Before he left, he'd paused to kiss the top of your head.

"You know," you said, lifting your chin, "my lips aren't broken."

He hesitated. "The last time I did that, an entire base fell on you."

"Only the warehouse part," you said dismissively, "and there was absolutely no correlation, I promise."

He tried to smile at that but his eyes still showed concern.

"I promise," you repeated more seriously and he exhaled as if about to make a tremendous leap. His kiss was so soft and gentle, it was barely more than a whisper against your mouth.

Once he had left, you'd considered taking Dr. Savannah's advice and watching a holo, reading something on your padd, or doing any number of things to pass the time but ultimately, you'd wanted to appreciate his handiwork.

After all, it wasn't just anybody who could say a Spartan had literally hung the stars for them.

[thatturtleleon]

KOBD HCs Pt.2

pt.1 here !

alrighty I was nice last time with fluffy hcs, now for some angsty ones to start it off

after breakdown got his eye taken, he sometimes wakes up and forgets it's gone and panics for a few seconds when he can't see from that optic

he tries to play it off, acting like nothing happened, but knockout notices

KO isn't really sure what to do, he knows he can't take away what happened to breakdown

so he gently kisses his eyepatch, breakdown flinches a little at first but knows he's safe

when breakdown died, knockout assumed he went missing or was captured again (i think this is canon, its been a while since ive watched s1 so just bare with me lol), BD dying didn't even cross KO's mind

not until he finally saw what silas did

I believe that knockout stated the whole situation didn't bother him, simply because he was too numb to process it

he didn't do anything, there wasn't really anything to do. nothing would bring his conjunx back

(ill expand more on the angst in a separate post but that was a taste)

OK SOME LESS ANGSTY STUFF NOW

breakdown likes to carry knockout

breakdown works out specifically so he can carry knockout

he also likes to show off how strong he is, knockout does the same and shows off how fast he can go

knockout can yell and breakdown immediately knows if it's a "i'm in trouble" yell or a "MY FRAGGING PAINTJOB GOT SCRATCHED AGAIN" yell

speaking of which, they patch each other up after missions

KO took BD to a drive in movie theater once and they watched titanic

both cried

this next hc is based off of a post i saw! ill have to hunt for it again but ill link it here when i find it

for their honeymoon, knockout and breakdown went to the acid wastes so breakdown could drive as much as he wanted to without worrying abt getting burned by the sun (the area they're from, from what i read, has a sun that can burn bots if they don't get away from the light fast enough)

breakdown's the type of dude to (if he could) drink expired milk, shrug, then proceed to still drink it as knockout watches in horror

both of them treat vehicons like actual decent people, unlike the other higher ranking decepticons. because of this, KOBD is very well liked by them, especially breakdown

Note: ahhh these are so fun to make, i love them sm !! tagging @virovirokun-has-adhd and @b1ts-4nd-byt3s-1n-p4r4d1se

[nalyra-dreaming]

https://www.tumblr.com/nalyra-dreaming/764035488039550976/omg-i-just-realized-the-duality-of-loustat-over. It wasn’t unjustified tho. Lestat did abuse Louis, even though he loved him. It’s undeniable. That’s the thing about Lestat, he was born and raised in violence and abuse, and when he gets mad that’s all he knows. He literally dropped Louis from the sky. Even though he kept them in the dark to protect them, Claudia and Louis still felt trapped. The show isn’t the book. In the book, Claudia kills him because she wants to leave and she chooses Louis because he’s easier to manipulate. In the show, Claudia’s desire to kill him is to be “freed” from him, and to free Louis too, because she doesn’t feel safe anymore. From her pov, his intentions and reasons don’t matter.

As I’ve read on X too, Lestat realizes that his attempt at protecting his family was awful because, if Claudia and Louis managed to kill him while he couldn’t bring himself to kill his own father, then he must’ve really fucked up.

And Claudia from the series definitely doesn’t have the same reasons to hate Lestat as book Claudia does.

I don’t get why we must coddle Lestat to this point. He’s great, but when he’s abusive, it must be admitted.🤷🏼‍♀️ like when people say “wait until season two he gets better!” and it’s literally just Lestat being a ghost and showing up for the trial, just to be revealed to not be there to kill them at the end. Those who know his story understand the implications, but to those who don’t know, doesn’t this invalidate actual victims?

No-one coddles Lestat by pointing out that the book quote used to say he “deserved it“ is taken out of context.

The show is not the book - that‘s the whole point.

The show did something stupid, to be frank: they added domestic abuse. For shock value. Hannah and Rolin both commented on that. AND they don’t see the big problem with it either!! And as the start of the toxic masculinity misconception. And… Amel.

Which was confirmed by Sam. Sam, who also tried to warn us re episode 5, wanted trigger warnings on it. Because he realized what this would do.

Claudia‘s motivations might not be done with either - Murder Night, set to be revisited, has not been yet. You have heard an (proven!) edited tale… you don’t know the (whole) truth yet.

We will see.

But if I‘m right - and just to be clear, >I< do NOT “want“ this, but I can add 2+2 together, I understand why they do it, but I don’t LIKE it(!) - and when the Akasha arc will fail because “surprised Pikachu face“ Lestat isn‘t the epitome of male toxicity after all… and then, when the show will point out Amel‘s awakening for certain events… then it will get really ugly.

And then that will leave a really ugly aftertaste.

Also, as a little comment: I have read so much shit and simply false information on Twitter… the show, its actors and the writers always return to the books - why the heck do you think we shouldn‘t? No, the show is not the books - and yet they are doing the books. And s3 will give a lot more context.

You will have to follow the narrative. Because s1 & 2 were not the whole truth. That was what all those programmed responses and the reveal at the end was all about.

Maybe you should rewatch.

[marvelling-at-marvel-blog]

Today I have done a lot of thinking about fictional charachters because...well my day has beeen horrible and its been better than thinking about that.

I saw a clip of shameless S1 where Mickey is dirty and unclean and I remember how a lot of people have said maybe he didn't really care until Ian came along or started to try for Ian. And sure, that may be part of it, but in my experience, there are so many other reasons people are unclean for, and I think a few would apply to Mickey.

1. I think part of the reasons he is reguarly covered in dirt is that being dirty tends to hide or blend in bruises. It is not going to work completely but enough to make people wonder if that is dirt or a bruise, or if they are seeing it properly. I imagine Terry wasn't light handed in beatings, and the kids were expected to cover for it. While teenage Mickey could say he was in a fight younger Mickey would have easily used that just some days old dirt excuse.

2. Lack of hot water or just water in his house. I don't think paying the bills on time was high on Terry's list either, and we know the house was basically a dump. It wouldnt surprise me if they reguarly had no hot water or if they did it run out quickly with the old water heater and you did not want to be the one causing Terry to have a cold shower. Or he saved the hot water for Mandy because he knows she actually really cares about her appearance and being clean

3. As a reason not to have to be with girls. In his first episode, Karen mentions that maybe Mickey is coming to find her to ask her out again and then says basically says along the lines of "I wouldn't because he smells like shit.' Being unclean and dirty means girls are less likely to want to go out with him, so he can ask the girls who he knows will say no then have it be that they are a b***ch who said no, or she don't know what she missing. He comes out of looking like her really doesn't care he got turned down but still leaves the impression his into girls. It is like a protective layer

4. I think caring about your appearance and the way you're dressed is something Mickey's dad would find pansy. Which Ugh, Terry is the worst.

5. I don't think some people really understand how vulnerable being naked in a place you dont feel safe in is. I feel like if Terry is mad, drunk, or just desires it, he would be more than happy to come for you. Being naked and unprepared is not a fun thought. So Mickey saves his showers for when he is sure his alone becauze like hell he is trusting that flimsy lock on the door (if there even is one cause Svetlana just walks in with a hammer on Ian)

Sure maybe once Ian comes along that is more incentive to be clean and presentable but I think he really starts to be clean is season 4 onwards where he knows and admits how much Ian means to him and that he loves him, no longer has go pretend to be into girls (his out or he has the excuse of his married) but also when his dad is in jail and maybe the bills are getting paid, maybe he feels safer in the house.

I just hate the common thinking of, that person is unclean because they don't care. That is rarely the real reason in my experience.

[abrisaber]

A long post about the establishing and foreshadowing of Blitzo's character in Helluva Boss (and a Stolitz rant)

A lot of people tend to criticize character development in Helluva Boss, So I wanted to discuss the development that HB gets right, which is that of its main character, Blitzo. Firstly I want to lay out every instance of Blitzo getting some form of development or foreshadowing.

S1; EP2- Loo Loo Land.

This is only one line but it's still important to point out because 1, It shows how Blitzo thinks of Fizzarolli, and 2, It foreshadows Blitzos history with him and his (maybe) first failed relationship with someone close to him.

There's also this line where Robo asks "Does anybody love you" and Blitzo responds with "No." While this was clearly a joke, I think Blitz genuinely believes nobody loves him. He scratches his face out in photos and says "I'm going to die alone aren't I,' So he very clearly has issues with his self-worth and how he views himself. Maybe this is a punishment he inflicts on himself to remind him that he's a failure and that he doesn't deserve the people in his life

S1; EP3- Spring Broken

This one is clear as day. His relationship with Veronika is at the forefront of this episode. We don't know much about their breakup or what led to it, but it's safe to assume that it was caused by Blitz.

In Ozzies Verosika states Blitzo didn't reciprocate in their relationship, and says he's selfish both in bed and in public. In Spring Broken, she says Blitzo didn't do his job well as a bodyguard and explains how Blitzo dumped her by leaving and stealing from her.

This is the first real glimpse at how Blitzo has ruined his relationships with people. If my current timeline theory is correct, with Verosika being the last serious relationship Blitzo was in before he started sleeping with Stolas, his breakup with Verosika could've been one of the first instances in his life where he pushed someone close to him away out of fear. My theory is that Verosika was a fallback after his relationships with Fizzarolli and Barbie Wire ended on bad terms, and that's why he never truly treated her right when they were together.

S1; EP5- The Harvest Moon Festival.

This one delves more into Blitzo's views of himself rather than his relationships, but it does become important on that front too since in Truth Seekers, this is flipped to reflect how his self-worth affects his willingness to be with people.

S1; EP6- Truth Seekers is going to be a long one because of how much is said and shown during Blitzos hallucinations.

S1; EP6- Truth Seekers

Firstly, what "Moxxie," says is telling because this is Blitzo's own brain explaining his character flaws to him through someone who he constantly belittles.

Blitzo responds with "I don't need you," which obviously isn't true due to how often he fucks up and leaves things to Moxxie and Millie (Which is what fake Moxxie says)

Striker saying "But you don't want to do things alone" is his mind using striker, the person who confronted him about his self-worth, to say he doesn't want to be alone.

I don't know if this was an intentional decision but it's indirectly using a figure that shows he views himself lowly as an explanation for why he pushes people away despite not wanting to. It's basically saying "You want to become better, you don't want to be alone, but you think you're undeserving so you push everyone away from you."

Moving to fake Fizzarolli, again this section will be longer since I have a lot more to say.

Fizzarolli's design is something I theorize a lot about, mainly because the other two renditions look pretty close to their real counterparts, but Fizz is cartoonish and sort of looks like rubberhose-style animation. I think this style was chosen to represent how long it's been since Blitzo and Fizzarolli have been friends.

Another thing about his design is the heart on his forehead. I don't think it was just to make it look simpler because the design is already pretty plain. I think this is supposed to show that Fizz and Blitzo had a romantic relationship that ended poorly.

I don't know when this SS from the 2022 trailer is supposed to take place in univ. The trailer was released after "Ozzies" so it could be a shot in the present in the upcoming S2 EP6, but I don't know if Blitzo would allow this to happen after what happened at Ozzies, not unless he has (or had) a major soft spot for Fizzarollli. Fizzarolli's language in Ozzies suggests he hasn't seen him or heard from him in a while (he says "That Blitzo? So you're showing your face?")

Of course, this was just a setup to make fun of him for his keychain so It could be from after Ozzies, but this is just a clip from a trailer so It's not going to be a clear answer until we get the episode it's from.

Finally moving on to Verosika, the heart on her cheek is now broken as well, and her makeup is smeared. This design of her is showing how upset and hurt she is, and how bitter it's made her.

Lastly, moving to Stolas and the ending of the trip,

I believe these chains removing the weird goop is meant to represent how he views his relationship with Stolas. The goo represents his past problems and flaws, and Stolas is someone who can help him deal with that. But the chains are his fears and flaws negatively effecting him.

Stolitz Rant Incoming

I see people use this as a reason to say Blitzo doesn't like Stolas and doesn't want to be with him, yet no one points out how Blitzo was the one to crawl towards him, granted it was to escape from his past, but he still made the choice to go forward.

Stolitz discourse is something that always divides people. On one hand, people say Blitzo is manipulating Stolas by pretending to want to fuck him just for his book, and on the other, people say Stolas is harassing Blitz by not taking the hint. These arguments aren't too far off, but there isn't any INTENTIONAL manipulation.

Blitzo does care about Stolas. This isnt something that just happened suddenly, the show is trying to establish how he feels about Stolas, yet there's always a crowd that says "Where did this come from? Why is this the first time we're seeing this?" as if thats not how shows work.

This is the first we're seeing of Blitzos true feelings because this is the ESTABLISHING period of the show. There haven't been any more indicators because there wasn't any show before this. Sure you can make the argument that there were more opportunities to put more ground beneath this story but you cant then fault the show for trying to establish ground AT ALL. It's like not studying for a test and crying when you fail.

Blitzo is uncomfortable because he's currently in turmoil. For years he's been in a constant shit storm of pushing his loved ones away and isolating himself from them until he's left alone. And now it's coming back to bite him in the ass because he doesn't realize how badly hes hurt people. It took hallucinatory drugs and a musical number to get him to see that he's truly hurt the people he loves and that he has a trail of bitter and angry exes.

Stolas is just the one who's made him understand what intimacy means to him, and why he's afraid to have that. He WANTS to be with Stolas, but years and years of isolation have left him afraid of a new partner.

It's why he stalks M&M, its why he looks for Barbie, its why he pours so much love into Loona. He's looking for a way out of his cycle of pain.

In Stolas's defense, he's just doing what he thinks Blitzo would like. The texts in Western Energy show that Stolas is genuinely trying to make an effort to make their relationship less transactional, and Blitzo isn't reciprocating at all (something we know he's done before).

I'm closing this off now because I don't want this Stolitz rant to drag on but I will return to this with more on Stolas's behalf. This post was mainly about Blitzo and his character.

In conclusion, I think that #HelluvaBoss deserves a lot more credit than its given. Stolitz is a toxic relationship, but it's only toxic because Stolas and Blitzo have major character flaws that prevent them from having a healthy relationship. And that doen'yt make them evil people. Theres no real malice or abuse, just misunderstanding that lead to toxicity and no comunication.

[vidavalor]

hi again! rewatched the 1st season now. so first off thanks again for the excuse i appreciate it lol. but secondly hoping you wouldn't mind explaining the satan's obssession with crowley thing? cos he's obvs creepy as all hell pun not intended in the 11 years ago scene but i haven't found the bit that confirms it's a fixation on crowley and not just satan being satan. tysm!

Hi! Thanks for the ask. I can try and we can see what you think after, yeah? :) Christmas cookie? *passes plate and pours some tea*

TWs: discussion of PTSD, sexual assault, including rape, intimate partner abuse, anxiety, depression. We're looking at Crowley as an assault survivor here so it's a bit dark. Lindsay's abuse of Nina is also mentioned here. This will wind up having a companion meta at some point soon as I was also asked in comments on another post to talk about Crowley and intimacy issues which is then really also talking about Aziraphale as a trauma-informed partner so a less intense Part 2 at some point soon...

If you're the anon who asked me this (or anybody else) and you can't read something with these warnings but you'd like to see what I'm saying, PM me or throw something in my Asks and I'll see if I can do a version of this that gets the points across while omitting the darker aspects.

Meta on Lucifer and Crowley under the cut.

The Ask here was about why I see Lucifer as fixating on Crowley, in particular, and not just being generally evil as, ya know, he's Satan. It's a fair question since Satan's evil isn't exactly something that anyone would consider restrained as he's the devil. Some of this is inference here when it comes to Lucifer, since the show intentionally holds the character back a bit... but I also think that holding Lucifer back is by design to help illustrate some things that we'll look at here.

The first clue to me that Lucifer has a bit of a fixation on Crowley comes from Crowley's gigs in Hell. Before the end of S1, Crowley was high-ranked in Hell. He seems to go by quite a few names in his demonic world. By making himself Nanny Astoreth when he's looking after Warlock, it alludes the idea that Crowley is also the demon of that name, who is considered part of the "evil trinity" of Hell, along with Lucifer and Beezlebub, with whom Crowley used to spend time with pre-Fall and with whom he has history.

Astoreth is a genderbent serpent goddess in lore with an abundance of other Crowley traits so safe to say that Crowley is meant to be Astoreth as well. Aziraphale proposed in 33 AD that Crowley is also Mephistopheles and Asmodeus, which Crowley didn't exactly deny. Mephistopheles is one of the most famous demons to ever exist-- he of the Faustian bargain-- and Asmodeus is the demonic prince of lust. Crowley's already been shown to be a Bible figure in disguise-- Bildad the Shuite being a Biblical character-- so the idea that we are at the 2/3rds mark of the show and we've met all the high-ranking demons in Hell but several famous ones appear to not exist in Good Omens, despite more minor ones (Shax, Furfur) making appearances, implies that we probably actually have met demons like Mephistopheles and Asmodeus because they're all really Crowley.

Crowley retained power in Hell because it allows him what little freedom he can have in damnation. It means he likely won't be removed from Earth if he proves he's "good" at being a demon and that means he won't get stuffed in some cluttered, dark, cubicle in Hell for millennia. (Or destroyed.) More importantly, it means he'll be able to be on Earth with Aziraphale. That's easily worth taking credit for a bunch of human wars to fool Hell into thinking he's evil.

While we see that Crowley, when forced to come up with a demonic plot of his own, picks more annoying things than evil things and sells them as evil-- the M-25 design, taking down mobile phone networks, he's sometimes forced into doing things he doesn't want to do in order to not be outed as a demon who isn't super jazzed about being a demon and is really, secretly, a free-flying crow. He doesn't live to serve their Master Satan like some of the other demons do. He's going along with Hell as best he can and sometimes, he finds himself in a situation where he has to get creative because he's been tasked with something he disagrees with-- like we saw in the Job minisode. Other times, he might be forced into something he can't find a way out of, which is implied a little to be at the root of his terrible mood when he and Aziraphale meet up in Ancient Rome. He's wearing military garb that implies the temptations he's saying he's in Rome to accomplish are tied to Caligula, who wasn't exactly a swell guy.

What's interesting, though, is that Crowley is in this position of power in the first place. Other demons are shown in both seasons so far to be jealous of Crowley. He gets all the good gigs. Satan makes a bet with God that has both Upstairs and Downstairs in a tizzy for weeks and who is sent to whack the kids? Crowley. Who was sent on the first ever really Earth mission-- to get up into the Garden of Eden and "make some trouble"? Crowley, long before he'd cemented his big reputation. Who gets to deliver the antichrist baby and so kick off Armageddon, the thing that angels and demons basically "live" for? Crowley...

Across both seasons so far, Hastur, Ligur and Furfur are all given scenes of showing that they're jealous of Crowley being a favorite of Satan's and given the best assignments while they slum it in middle-management at best. What Crowley never says or admits to with other demons is that they actually don't want to be the favorite of Lucifer over here because he's the actual fucking devil and it's an absolute horror show. Crowley isn't about to admit that to them because he's supposed to want nothing more than to be Satan's slave and to express anything else is not demonic.

The other demons who are antagonistic towards Crowley are invasive and creepy but they stop short long before what we've seen Lucifer do. Hastur and Ligur pop up unannounced in Crowley's electronics-- the tv in his flat, on the screen at the movies-- and that's already disturbing. Imagine having your evil coworkers able to interrupt your r&r tv time in your own apartment... let alone the fact that Shax and even Beezlebub both pop up into The Bentley unannounced in S2. There's no evidence so far that Satan is out here "delivering instructions" like this to others in Hell the way he does to Crowley in 1.01 (and there's actually a scene in S2 that we'll talk about that suggests that he's not or, at least, that it's uncommon, which we'll get to in a second.)

He might well be but when you combine assaulting Crowley with giving him all the prime gigs in Hell and the other demons' jealousy of their Master's attention towards Crowley, you wind up with the impression that Satan is a bit fixated on Crowley.

The Bentley scene with Lucifer in 1.01 is analogous to rape. Crowley's sense of personal autonomy is violated. He doesn't consent to Lucifer forcibly entering his body. Lucifer does so by first penetrating through Crowley's two foremost metaphorical defenses-- The Bentley (enters through the radio and uses it to invade Crowley) and his sunglasses, which cannot shield his eyes/himself from Lucifer. Crowley already has these signature defenses mechanisms on in the attack scene and the horror in the scene is actually watching neither of them protect him. The scene is so early in the show that it's only the second scene we've ever seen Crowley wearing his glasses (and it's pitch black dark out, to add to it) so the glasses are basically introduced to us by showing us a situation that motivates Crowley's desire to hide his eyes from people he doesn't trust, even if they aren't human and know what his eyes look like. This is Crowley's third scene in the series itself and it's really arguably the second half of his second scene (the Hastur & Ligur in the graveyard one.) It's part of our introduction to Crowley in the modern era, with only Eden preceding it. Armageddon is new but the rest of this hell-- faking being evil, suffering violating attacks-- is thousands of years old for him at this point.

Crowley is driving when this happens.

Driving is the ultimate symbol of self-control because you're literally behind the wheel, navigating yourself through the world, in control of where you are going and the decisions you need to make to get you there, trusting yourself to make decisions that protect others on the road around you. Lucifer rips that from him by rendering him unable to drive while "delivering instructions" to his mind. Crowley-- a very powerful, magical being-- is unable to fight him off. When Lucifer leaves his body, Crowley had to grab the wheel and steer The Bentley away from hitting an oncoming truck with about three seconds to spare from a head-on collision. Crowley, The Bentley and the antichrist baby all would have likely survived that crash without issue because of their magic-- but the human driving the truck likely would not have. Obviously, Crowley would prefer not to kill anybody but Satan nearly made him against his will and rendered him unable to fight him, the powerlessness of which is then interesting when tied into things like Crowley essentially drugging himself to save Elspeth, trusting the present Aziraphale to help protect him while he did, etc..

As the attack happens, parts of "Bohemian Rhapsody" are underscoring it, picking up on a musical cue from when Crowley rolled up in The Bentley to see Hastur and Ligur in the graveyard. The graveyard scene sees Crowley arrive at the big crescendo of the song and what is it but the lyrics Beezlebub, has the devil put aside for me? and, prior to that, the eerie lyrics, especially on rewatch when you know what happens as a result of this scene: we will not let you go (let him go) x a million, not to mention the no no no no no no... bit.

By the time we're back in The Bentley and Lucifer has shown up, parts of the song play through it. I see a little silhouetto of a man plays as Crowley is literally seeing the driver of the oncoming truck in front of him, just as he loses the ability to control The Bentley. When Lucifer leaves him and Crowley grabs the wheel, we hear thunderbolts and lightning/very, very frightening/me and the Galileo segment of the song. Thunderbolts and lightning is interesting since God makes it a point to point out that this night is not dark and stormy but then that type of weather is what Crowley does in S2 that causes the power to go out and his parallel, Nina, to be trapped. It's also what demons in general can do so you could say sending a storm-- like in the Job minisode-- to be demonic and of Satan. (If it's not Crowley doing it to play Cupid, anyway.) The thunderbolts and lightning of Satan/Hell is very, very frightening to Crowley...

...Me/Galileo/Galileo/Galileo/Figaro... Galileo is arguably the most famous astronomer to ever live. He was a polymath, really, like Crowley was. Crowley, as an angel, made the stars and invented gravity. The scene with Hastur and Ligur that precedes this and ties into it has Hastur mistranslate the Italian Crowley spoke during it. Crowley said "ciao", meaning "goodbye", which Hastur correctly said was Italian but he claimed it meant "food" (mistaking it for "chow" because he's an idiot.) So a scene that ends with Crowley speaking Italian then connects directly into the scene of this attack, where Italian is spoken in the song scoring it, as Galileo was Italian and figaro in Italian is "fig tree".

While Eve does eat an apple in Good Omens, the Biblical 'fruits of knowledge' that tie to the Serpent tempting Eve in Eden are interpreted in different ways throughout different religions and at different periods in history. In Good Omens, Crowley got Eve to eat an apple and the pleasure of food opened a door to sexual pleasure. Eve shared the apple with Adam and they were *Aziraphale's hilariously judgemental voice* "expecting already" with Eve about 8 months pregnant later a day later because Eve's biology is atypical of other humans and all that. It's debated as an apple, with other different fruits and sometimes even wheat mentioned as possible things Eve ate-- if she ate food at all, as some people take the entire thing as a sexual metaphor. Figs are one fruit that some people believe it was instead of an apple, so this is a reference to Crowley as the Serpent of Eden.

Me/Galileo/Galileo/Galileo/Figaro... Crowley holding onto himself while under attack and just after it, which speaks to activation of a plan, which speaks to this not being the first time he's endured something like this. Galileo and Figaro = The Starmaker and the Serpent of Eden. The things he's done that he is proud of, that make him not evil, in his mind, and not deserving of this. Things he likes about himself. Things Aziraphale loves about him.

The song is narrating for us Crowley through the attack as he's basically frozen there enduring it, seeing the driver of the truck coming at him and Scaramouche/Scaramouche/Will you do The Fandango?

A scaramouche is a kind of mischievous scamp-- so, Crowley; The Fandango is a Spanish couple dance. Historically, one version of it is done between a pair of men who try to outdo one another with skill, in a kind of homoerotic competition. It's also slang for fucking during a concert and I have the feeling that Crowley would probably enjoying doing that Fandango a lot more as that would be consenting with a partner of his choice at a live concert rather than being mind-raped to Queen by the devil in his car. Regardless, it's another allusion to sex in the scene, adding to the rape overtones.

There's also something that is pretty horrifying about the fact that these scenes of Crowley and Aziraphale being separately reintroduced to us in 2008 after we first met them both together in Eden are intercut so that Lucifer's attack on Crowley scored by "Bohemian Rhapsody" ends with the Italian sung and cuts directly into Aziraphale speaking Japanese to the chef at the sushi restaurant.

He'll try to explain to Gabriel that eating sushi is "what humans do", which is the same phrase he'll use to try to explain to Michael and Uriel in S2 what falling in love is. During the bookshop attack, Shax will bully Aziraphale about his humanity-- about the same two things (food and love) in the two previous, connected scenes. (Gabriel, initially the one repulsed by tea in 1.01, leaves the scene after Aziraphale tells him to hide by asking if anyone wants a hot chocolate, in a pretty hilarious turnabout.) Shax calls back to the food-related and the love-related "it's what humans do" moments for Aziraphale by asking if she should "send up the sushi" and by mocking his relationship with Crowley ("What are you? Crowley's emotional support angel?"). Crowley and Aziraphale are the ones in love and it's tied together throughout multiple scenes in both seasons to sushi, in reference to the night Armageddon began in 2008.

The point then is that, making this all even worse, Crowley is actually supposed to be at a back corner table in a dark sushi restaurant sneaking a date with Aziraphale when he's attacked by Lucifer in The Bentley-- and then forced into helping start Armageddon, which could bring about the end of his and Aziraphale's relationship... and that's our grim introduction to his world in the modern part of the story.

As we go learn what Aziraphale is like in the modern era and contrast him with his head office's mentality via Gabriel's arrival, we also are given clues in the scene that suggest that Aziraphale was actually expecting Crowley, as he looks to the side Crowley comes up on when he hears the miracle sound that actually signals Gabriel's arrival instead. Aziraphale will then explain that he's there, doing "what humans do" and enjoying it, to Gabriel, and it will be only eating sushi in this moment, just as Crowley will not be present when Aziraphale explains that falling in love is "what humans do" while objectively talking about Maggie & Nina but, ultimately, talking about himself and Crowley beneath it-- his real motivation for keeping Heaven off their backs is Crowley. The writers then have Shax combine the two "it's what humans do" scenes around love and sushi and throw them back at Aziraphale while Crowley is once again not with him because of Heaven/Hell but is present in his absence in the moment.

All of this happens in the first scenes of Crowley in the modern era, all the way back in the first episode, and it's done to give us an understanding that he is a survivor of attacks like this and how that impacts his behavior, his choices, his relationship with Aziraphale. It's to give us a finer appreciation for his strength and his humor and his capacity to love in the face of it. It's to show that while some of the demons are just kind of amusing idiots, if dangerous, and that there's a lot of humor to mine there, some aspects of being a demon are not at all amusing. Crowley is really just doing the best he can to survive the absolute horror show that is an eternity of damnation as Satan's favorite over here because there are very dark, very violent aspects of it that he cannot permanently avoid.

While the attack we are shown is a mercifully short, if horrifying, scene, the implications of it are even worse. The assault we are shown had a plot purpose in that moment-- Satan giving instructions on delivering the antichrist baby to the satanic nunnery-- and since everything was in motion, that was the extent of it. Armageddon took precedence. What we are left with, though, is the impression that this type of demonic assault with its massive rape overtones is something that Crowley's experienced before and that the implication is that Lucifer attacking him is not always just to deliver a message related to an assignment but to deliver one of forcible control over him and that this is something that Crowley has been dealing with periodically for the 6,000 years he's been on Earth. It's akin to a kind of rape in 1.01 and that is already way more than enough to see how that would affect Crowley in the story... but then S2 takes this scene and both alludes to it in a key moment and gives it a whole paralleling subplot, highlighting its importance and continuing to expand upon the meaning of it. Both things together then suggest that while we saw a rape-coded assault in 1.01, the feeling that the scene was alluding to other instances where it was rape itself was definitely the implication of it.

In S2, in the group scene at the end, Crowley is out of the bookshop taking Maggie and Nina away from the angels for their safety when the subject of Satan comes up for the only direct time that season. Shax demands that Gabriel and Beezlebub be taken to Hell to be given "as gifts for Satan, our Master" and Head of the Dark Council Dagon replies that "he wouldn't want them-- maybe as hors d'ouerves." On the show obsessed with food symbolism and that codes different types of food with relation to sex-- in particular, because of Serpent of Eden Crowley-- and with the brothel owner named "Mrs. Sandwich", to say someone would want a being as a "hors d'ouerves" implies sex and if we're talking about Lucifer, then we've already established that consent isn't exactly a priority. Rape isn't about sex-- it's about power-- but the show is coding Lucifer's behavior in line with its coding of sex to highlight that his violation of Crowley isn't just of the heavily rape-coded variety that we saw in 1.01 but has actually, at other times, been rape.

Dagon's most significant line in S2 is essentially to point out that Satan's a rapist-- but it's also to point out that not everyone in Hell has been through that horror. Satan's choosy. Satan's a bit fixated. Dagon's comment is actually surprising. Your first thought when Shax suggests giving Gabriel and Beez to Lucifer is that he's the devil so they'd be in danger and what you've seen of what he's done to Crowley was skin-crawling and you don't want that to happen to Gabriel and Beezlebub. You assume that it might because we're talking about Satan but then Dagon puts a check on that and says-- to not a single bit of even implied disagreement in the room-- that Satan wouldn't really care that much about getting Gabriel and Beez.

Think about how truly kind of crazy that is.

Satan would not be that interested in being handed over his old friend and the Grand Duke of Hell who betrayed him and the Supreme Archangel of Heaven? He'd maybe rape 'em, sure, possibly, casually posits Dagon, but they aren't what he's really after. They'd just be hors d'ouerves.

Not a single being in the room even so much as signals disagreement with that assessment that the not terribly subtle Dagon chose to voice aloud, which means they all agree with her. They all know who Lucifer's fixated on.

*Gabriel* and *Beezlebub* would only be fucking *appetizers* to Satan.

That implies the existence of *a main course*, does it not?

Who else but Crowley (and Aziraphale) could be on that menu? No one.

We also have that Crowley is conveniently out of the bookshop for the moment that Shax and Dagon have this exchange about Lucifer. He comes back in on Dagon saying "hors d'ouerves" but was outside when Shax was referencing Satan so he didn't hear any of it. This seems very deliberate on the part of the writers, as if Crowley had been in the room, it would have prompted some kind of response and changed what happened in the scene afterwards. Instead, the only reference to Lucifer is specifically when Crowley isn't in the room, probably because this conflict is on-going and going to continue into S3.

Prior to Dagon's line, the show also paralleled Lucifer assaulting Crowley in The Bentley in 1.01 with Lindsay abusing Nina, which adds another layer into this. You could even make an argument that one of the reasons why we never see Lindsay and we just see their abuse of Nina via the text messages they send Nina is to draw an intentional parallel to how little we've seen to date of Lucifer/Satan in the series.

It directly ties to the 1.01 scene in The Bentley because, prior to Lucifer coming through the radio and assaulting Crowley, Crowley was trying to call Aziraphale (the Maggie to his Nina in this parallel, though obviously much further along in that relationship) to tell him about Armageddon but he'd taken out the mobile phone networks earlier in the night to have something demonic to share with Hastur and Ligur. This parallels Crowley knocking out the power in S2 accidentally and Nina getting locked in the coffee shop with Maggie. Lucifer and Lindsay both attack through electronic communication devices-- The Bentley's radio and Nina's phone-- and unleash a torrent of abuse. The difference is that Nina might be more easily able to escape Lindsay and live a more peaceful life after S2 while Crowley has yet to be truly able to evade Lucifer.

While Lindsay's abuse of Nina is at least psychological and emotional in what we are shown and Lucifer's abuse of Crowley is that with physical and sexual aspects that may or may not be present in Nina's relationship with Lindsay, the type of abuse doesn't matter to the parallel as it's all terrible and that's the point. Lucifer's abuse of Crowley is paralleled with the intimate partner abuse Nina is suffering in her relationship. This is objectively pretty interesting since it sort of suggests that Lucifer is Crowley's Lindsay, in the sense that they might have once been involved pre-Fall, which might add another element to why Lucifer is fixated on Crowley.

So, while Crowley can encourage his parallel Nina all he wants to take a risk and trust more and to trust him when he promises that it will be worth it, Crowley himself can't really extract himself from his own Lindsay-ish situation yet. He does know how to survive it, though, and it's not all about the defenses he and Nina put up-- it's about learning to shed some of those defenses enough to have a sense of intimacy with a kind person you can trust to love you and help you feel safe.

[levia-chan]

YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL pt.2

A/N: Hello everyone I decided to share with you some headcanons about what kind of guardian angels the Obey Me characters would be for you. So read and enjoy, I hope you enjoy it :3 (I'm sorry if it's a little OOC).

Preface: They have been your guardians since you were born.

Warnings: contains spoilers for S1 og.

Others: MASTERLIST

Credits: The banner image in this post belongs to @diodellet

LUKE

You're definitely the first person he's taken care of.

As you probably already understood, he has absolutely no experience, so he doesn't understand exactly what he needs to do.

He often turns to Simeon if he needs advice.

But despite his lack of experience, he tries to be the best guardian angel for you.

Definitely gives you his blessing for the road, for good luck and so on. Because of them, you now have a very good immune system, and it has become very difficult for you to get sick.

He's not very good at comforting and doesn't understand a lot yet, but he tries to comfort you and calm you down as best he can. He will hug you tightly, wrapping his wings around you, and will tell you different stories, even if you cannot see or hear him. When he succeeds, he will smile warmly and continue his story.

He was very surprised and worried when he met you in hell. Especially when he found out that you are now an exchange student. And even more so when he found out that you will not live in the Purgatory Hall, but with fallen brothers in the House of Lamentation.

From the very beginning of your acquaintance, he warned about demons, said that they could not be trusted. And so he was somewhat disappointed when you ignored these warnings and began not only to trust your brothers, but also to make pacts with them.

But while he was living with Simeon in hell, he gradually began to trust the demons. And you play the most important role in this.

He doesn't know about what happened between you and Belphegor, and that's probably lucky. Because otherwise, all the trust earned would have sunk into oblivion.

He worries when you get into trouble, whether it's your own fault or someone else's. He's relieved when you're safe again.

This kid just loves you very much, so he tries to give you all the care and happiness that you deserve <3

[luna-moon-26-20]

Foxhole Force Episode Guide

Hi everyone! Since season 1 is finished I thought I'd write an episode guide and add it to the collection of information of the story.

Feel free to share it as many times as you want so we can spread the knowledge about this series and maybe bring new readers to enjoy the AU 🙌🏻

(I think I avoided all major spoilers)

SEASON 1 - LIST OF EPISODES

S1 E1: Call of the Fox (Part 1)

Neil Josten arrives at the City of Palmetto in a last attempt to find his mother alive. After getting attacked by Ravens and saved by mysterious warriors in colorful suits, Neil finds a job at the Foxhole Court, a sports Youth Centre meant to be a safe haven for kids in risky situations.

S1 E2: Call of the Fox (Part 2)

After finding out his coworkers at the Foxhole Court were actually the Power Rangers, Neil gets roped into the team when he merges with the spirit of the Red Fox, becoming the new Red Power Ranger. Despite trying to refuse the responsibility, Neil accepts it and stays in the city long enough to join the battle against the Ravens.

S1 E3: What it takes to be a leader

Neil feels slightly ridiculous and lost when he morphs for the second time after the Ravens find a new target at the beach. When Coach tells him he is supposed to be the leader of the team, he argues that Kevin would be better suited for the job. 

S1 E4: A done deal

Neil has trouble morphing into the Red Ranger and is forced to stay behind while the others go out to fight a new monster and the Ravens. Later, Andrew ropes Neil into a fake training session where he interrogates him. After getting berated by Coach, Neil and Andrew come to an understanding.

S1 E5: Unexpected allies

Neil runs into some trouble searching for his mother. Lieutenant Mureau and a new perfect Raven are sent to destroy the Rangers for their constant interference. They almost succeed but a new and unexpected ally wearing the same outfit as the Rangers prevents it from happening. 

S1 E6: There’s no I in TEAM

The team hits a wall when their dysfunctional dynamic causes a target to get hurt and taken by the Ravens. The Rangers have no idea where the Ravens continue to produce these terrible monsters from but they are strong and difficult to fight, especially because now the Ravens can make them grow as tall as buildings. 

S1 E7: A dead end

The Ravens decide to ruin the team’s Sunday plans when they attack a local school that is holding a science fair at the gym. The Rangers pour themselves into the battle, trying to protect the students and teachers present, and even the Black Ranger makes an appearance to help them. 

S1 E8: Smoke and… mirrors?

The team is unbalanced and fractured but the Youth Centre has to remain open for the kid’s sake and they have a fundraising to host in the middle of which there is a Raven alert. Neil gets trapped and relives some of the trauma from his past. He vows to recruit the Black Ranger into the team.

S1 E9: A fool’s errand

Neil is having an off day in which he keeps butting heads with his coworkers at the Youth Centre. The distance between him and the Red Fox is wider than ever. He sets himself on a mission destined to fail as he tries to recruit the Black Ranger into the team. He and Andrew end the day on pretty unfriendly terms and Neil feels more isolated than ever from the rest of the team.

S1 E10: Neil who? (Part 1)

A Raven alert wakes the team in the middle of the night and they are introduced to Captain Engle, a new perfect Raven stronger and faster than any other they have encountered. The Red Fox is tired and hurt and not even the Black Ranger can help Neil get rid of Mureau.

S1 E11: Neil who? (Part 2)

Alone and unmorphed, Neil faces off against Riko. Riko turns his world upside down by revealing the thing he’s been after and that he believes Neil knows its whereabouts. Later, Andrew helps Neil out of a panic attack but also gives him an ultimatum.  

S1 E12: A Swift exchange

As he recovers from his injuries, Neil is faced with the deadline Andrew has set. Kevin starts acting weird: violent and angry. He begins to transform into a Raven, injuring Andrew in his attempt to escape and save everyone from himself. 

S1 E13: Between a rock and a hard place 

Neil and Andrew, on a quest to find the truth behind the Ravens and Neil’s family, go to the library together. But the building collapses on them leaving them trapped underneath. With nothing else to do but wait, they play a long round of their truth for truth game. 

S1 E14: How to kill two birds with no stone at all

The City of Palmetto is more dangerous than ever when the Ravens decide to change their modus operandi. Neil starts doubting their protectors’ role and asks about a cure for Ravens no one believes exists. Discouraged, he goes into battle hesitating until it becomes clear that it is either kill or be killed. He discovers some coincidences about Kevin’s past.

S1 E15: The Red Fox

The team runs into an energy source so powerful the monitors at the Command Centre go crazy with alarms. In a desperate attempt to stop the Ravens from getting it, Neil touches the source and the amount of energy affects him in unimaginable ways. Scared and injured, he follows his instincts towards Andrew who is the only one who knows how to handle him. 

S1 E16: A quiet state of mind

Neil has to spend an entire day without his Fox. Alone and at the verge of constant panic, he is too happy to spend the day with Andrew in Columbia as a distraction. Neil becomes aware of a certain way in which he is starting to think about the blond. The Rangers respond to an alert in which Matt singlehandedly deals with the monster.

S1 E17: All for the game

An alert brings the team face to face with a monster that traps them in another dimension to play a deathly game of exy. With the way the Black Ranger plays and fights, Neil starts to suspect Andrew might be the Back Ranger. He confronts Andrew on the roof and the night takes an unexpected turn.

S1 E18: Don’t ask for the truth

Neil lives a couple of weeks in pure bliss as he and Andrew delve more into the new nature of their relationship. However, the appearance of a woman from Andrew’s past changes the course of their day into one of tense emotional reactions and a complete emotional withdrawal from Andrew.   

S1 E19: Black Danger (Part 1)

After two long weeks of absence, Andrew finally comes back to the Centre. After a panic attack from Neil because he doesn’t want to fail his duties again, the team faces Muldani on the beach. The Youth Centre is attacked by Riko and all his perfect Ravens. Andrew gets hurt and Abby declares he is trapped inside his own mind.

S1 E20: Black Danger (Part 2)

Neil ventures into Andrew’s mind to try and bring the blond back from wherever he is trapped inside. Going through Andrew’s memories, Neil is faced with several sides of the blond that leave him unsteady and worried. He gets some unexpected help during his quest to find Andrew.

[theliliesofwatersedge]

Desperately trying to figure out the shameless timeline... (s1 -s4)

Even the writers admitted that they didn't plan a timeline for the show, they just stuck it together and went with it. So this is pretty much just me sinking my own titanic by trying to figure out the timeline of this damn show.

Wish me luck...

Okay, so season 1 of Shameless is set during either 2010 or 2011 (it was released in early 2011 so most of the filming would have commenced during 2010). As far as we know Fiona is 21, Lip is 16 or 17, Ian is 15, Debbie is probably 10, Carl is 9 and Liam is 1 to 2 years old.

Season 2 of Shameless is set during the summer break, so no one ages that much. I don't know how it works in America, but where I'm from our summer breaks last just over a month, so I will assume season 2 is throughout 2 to 3 months -which implies that its still 2011.

Season 3 is where the timeline really starts to become a pain in the ass.

My personal bet is that season 3 is set around a year and a half after season 1. Lip graduates this season, so he has to be 17 or 18 while I'm fairly sure Ian is 16 turning 17. It's difficult with Ian because his age is implied to be 17 for 3 seasons in a row, so I can only imagine that he was 16 for the first half of the season and sometime following Cascading Failures (we don't talk about that episode) he turned 17 (Probably right before running away to the army). This would also imply that Fiona is 22, Debbie is 11, Carl is 10 and Liam is 3.

In season 4, I think it's safe to assume it has been two years since season 1. In season 1, Ian was 15 and in season 4, his age is referenced as 17 multiple times.

This would also make sense because this is the season where Debbie starts experimenting with makeup more and trying to act more grown-up, so she would probably be 12 turning 13 or just turned 13.

[fullscoreshenanigans]

You know, at the beginning of the story, Connie says that she has probably a total bad score to the exams "like always". If she had very bad (or the worse) results since a while, then his shippement days was decided for a while, since she has been shipped two weeks after her birthday. And Isabella knews who will be the next shippement three or four months before it happens. She knew that Connie was the next. She knew, when Connie reached 6, that she had only 2 weeks to live. And then, she took the time to make a plushie for Connie's birthday. And Little Bunny isn't a little plushie, it is kinda big. Isabella created a big toy for a kid who was going to enjoy it for only 15 days.

She wanted to make her happy, to give her joy for the little time that she still had. She wanted Connie to live those days in happiness. And i'm sure that she did that for any kids who was going to be shipped. (a lot of kids receive a gift for their 6 years old, the goods as the bads but maybe it's for cover why the bad scores kids has spoiled this famous day)

It's the biggest proof that she loves all her kids (even Ray, even if she has more mixed feelings toward him). She can't do anything to save them or she would be the next dinner and with no garantee that the woman who will replace her will be as loving then her. She is as much captive than the kids (even more, because she knows and she has the cheap in her heart.)

She had to see them die every time. Clearly she is still here after Connie's death so she has witnessed everything. She has seen so much of her kids diying while being unable to protect them because nothing could have been do, except make their too short lifes as much happy than possible.

(I'm sure that she was suffering with the idea to shipp the Full Score Trio soon (very soon for Ray, some months for Norman and in a little more of half a year for Emma), even Ray, and she was probably in denial about her son)

I think that Norman and Emma were too betrayed and angry to really understand that her affection was geniune and real. It's only thank to the distance, during 2 years, that they were able to think about it. For Ray, i think that a part of him knew that she really loved them but still sees her as the ones who sacrified his siblings. A part of him must have been in denial for a while about it too (like mother, like son).

The distance was good for everyone. The kids were able to understand that Isabella loved them for real, Ray was able to be willing to forgive her and eventually start over (realizing that he loved her too), Isabella realized that she loved her son.

And then came that asshole demon

Obnoxious pedantry but Conny's birthday is the third of September (@just-like-playing-tag put together an invaluable birthday chart here. September is one of the busier months with five birthdays in it.) So she had a bit more time with Little Bunny, but it's negligible in the grand scheme of things. There were two years' worth of low scores sealing her fate.

Based on that, this answer in the mystic code book, and all the toys we see in her hidden office in chapter 17/S1 episode 6, it's a safe bet she either made or had gifts delivered from headquarters for each of the children. The demons wouldn't question it as an easily justifiable and paltry expense to further cultivate a positive environment for the children's development, and with them not caring what became of the presents afterward even if a child packed it with them in their suitcase when they were shipped out, Isabella could keep them as mementos of all the children she raised.

It's the biggest proof that she loves all her kids

This I think depends on an individual's definition of love though, and whether Isabella could truly, fully love her children in such an oppressive framework.

(S1 Episode 8 | S1 Episode 10)

I will always come back to and obsess over the sequences of Isabella silently smiling as Ray struggles against her before locking him in Krone's old room and Ray looking completely disillusioned and despondent as Isabella walks off and smirks that they added into the anime. No one else is around who would be cognizant enough to notice. She doesn't have to put up an act to maintain a sense of calm and normalcy for anyone.

Yet here she is, quietly relishing in having seemingly defeated the children's plan to upset the status quo and her lifestyle. It's entirely for herself.

During this era of the story, she loves the children in her charge, but only to the point that they don’t inconvenience her; only to the point where they don’t impede her goal of survival ("longer than anyone"). It's impossible to live under such an oppressive, violent, monotonous, stagnating system and not have it fundamentally alter your perception of the world around you and how you interact with it to some degree. She even makes the distinction herself in one of her most memorable quotes.

(Chapter 37)

To love them normally, as opposed to the love that would always be tainted as long as it was within the confines of the farm system where she justified walking at least sixty children to their deaths over the course of her tenure to maintain her sense of cognitive dissonance.

To quote @nullaby, who phrases it very poignantly in this post:

 for  as  much  as  isabella   did   love  her  kids,      as  nice  as  it  would’ve  been  to  just  raise  them  all  like  a  normal  mother  should,       the  backbone  of  her  character  journey     &.    ultimate  redemption  was  laid  out  plain  and  clear  right  to  ray’s  face  that  everything,     including  his  birth,      was  all  just  collateral  damage  of  isabella’s  desire  to  survive  in  this  world  as  according  to  the  demon’s  rules,        longer  than  most  ever  could,        and  find  some  sort  of   meaning   to  all  this  sacrifice  in  the  only  option  that’d  ever  been  available  to  cattle  like  them.      the  tragedy  is  that  the  prioritizing  of  her  own  position  trumps  that  love  of  a  mother  more  times  that  it  ever  didn’t,        and   that’s   the  mom  that  ray  was  left  with.  

(Chapter 7 | Chapter 16)

Even if she found herself slipping into the illusion that had been crafted throughout the rest of the day, on days where there were no shipments and everything was fine, maybe even great, every night she would be reminded of reality. That she was ultimately a pawn. A caged, useful dog, if you want to have what she says to Ray in chapter 24/S1 episode 8 be her projecting her self-loathing of what she's stooped to onto him (and then going further, making his affirmation of his humanity in choosing his death an incensed retort back at her as much as the demons).

Ray is the living, breathing reminder of one of the worst acts of violence the farm system inflected on her. For a six years, she may have been able to push aside any memories and thoughts of the child she bore, but on his sixth birthday (his false birthday; if she doesn't think of it in the moment, then surely afterward when they're celebrating it at the house), he "robbed Isabella of that easy, blissful delusion," to again quote nullaby. Such potent, aggrieved anger mixed with relishing her dominance over him bleeding into her tone and body language and tinging the framework of this scene; I really love how Cloverworks adapted it with their budgetary constraints.

I think that Norman and Emma were too betrayed and angry to really understand that her affection was genuine and real. It's only thank to the distance, during 2 years, that they were able to think about it. For Ray, i think that a part of him knew that she really loved them but still sees her as the ones who sacrificed his siblings. A part of him must have been in denial for a while about it too (like mother, like son). The distance was good for everyone. The kids were able to understand that Isabella loved them for real, Ray was able to be willing to forgive her and eventually start over (realizing that he loved her too), Isabella realized that she loved her son.

I do agree that being free of the suffocating environment of Grace Field would give everyone different perspectives on their relationship with their mother, with Emma being the most understanding of Isabella's circumstances and accepting her in her totality; the kindness and love she was always capable of just as much as the violence and cruelties she inflicted to maintain the status quo.

For Norman, the utter chaos his nervous system was in as he was walking to the gate, fully believing he was about to die only to be handed off to another cage and subjected to experiments as his mother sent him off with one last gentle hug, would heighten his senses and emotions and in turn make this a visceral core memory for him.

(S2 Episode 8)

He undoubtedly dwelled on it during his fifteen months at Lambda, grappling with coming to logically understanding her circumstances more over time with that distance, his stark morality, and, no matter how much he might try to squash down his feelings to avoid confronting his own vulnerability during such a precarious period, how deeply her betrayal hurt him. I don't know if he'd ever be able to fully let that go, even if his immediate reaction to her death was one of sadness due to how sudden it was and being robbed of the chance to see what kind of relationship with her would be possible.

Similar to Norman, Ray can logically understand her circumstances, and I do believe deep down there was a part of him that desperately desired a normal, loving relationship with her, as much as he also tried to squash it down. It's part of why he's so confident she wouldn't throw him away, why he looks so devastated when she cuts him off,

(S1 Episode 5 | S1 Episode 8)

I was doing a good job. To you, I’m…

(Even after all this time…you still can't find it in your heart to love me as the child you gave birth to. | Chapter 181.1)

and why even after all of that pain and loss, he still hums the lullaby she sang to him in the womb as a way of consoling himself before his attempted suicide (because it's the only way he believes he can atone for what he's done).

Ray's vast library of knowledge comes from his research. His memory is one of his most powerful assets; his blessing and his burden. Isabella had proven time and time again to him that she was willing to sacrifice children for her own survival.

And yet there was still some selfish part of him that hoped maybe, just maybe, she would have carved out a little niche in her heart for him after spending all that time together, after sharing the burden of the secret of the house with him, after finding out about their shared blood. That all of that had to mean something to her.

But tragically all they shared engendered a unique ire toward him instead, born from a deep self-loathing that, once she replaced her own mother as Grandma, she allowed herself to reflect upon more thoroughly and came to deeply regret.

(TPN Light Novel 2: Moms’ Song of Remembrance - “The Starry Sky and Leslie’s List” Chapter 9; Isabella being an unreliable narrator and forcing a mental wedge between her and Ray as both a child in her charge in general and specifically as her biological son. She "held no particular maternal feelings for Ray" being as much a denial of any love for him as being a moment where she tries to place herself above the petty anger and resentment she has for him | Chapter 181.3; the framing of the bottom right panel confirming she did view all the birthday gifts she gave her children as treasures)

The damage was done though, between that and losing Norman, one of the two most precious people in his life he spent six years bearing the pain of loneliness and sorrow for. Even with Norman proving to be alive, like him I think it would be hard for Ray to untangle logically, pragmatically understanding Isabella's circumstances from the abuse he endured.

(Chapter 169; the conflicting feelings he held for her even two years after escaping Grace Field)

People aren't their trauma, but it would be disingenuous to say it didn't shape him. A learned response and association with her etched into his mind that I don't believe would be shed so easily. He wasn't by Isabella's side as she made her two-year journey of redemption as Grandma. He only saw the final result weighed against years of memories of her calculating iron woman persona, of every happy one his siblings had tinged with the knowledge that she would eventually set them up for slaughter.

(Chapter 174)

To quote nullaby for a third time:

there’s  a  whole  big  thing  about  late  story  isabella,     how  she  interprets  ray’s  address  as  forgiveness,      but    .    .    .         it’s  maybe  just  more  speaking  to  how  their  worst  qualities  are  the  ones  that  they  share.     not  as  much  a      “  you’re  my  mom  and  i  forgive  you   ”         as  it  is  a         “   i  get  it,     i’m   there  too,     it  doesn’t  matter  anymore  anyway,    stop  feeling  sorry  for  yourself    ”        and  it  just.     tapers  off  into  something  impersonal,      something  more  like just  a  person  speaking  to  a  person  than  a  son  to  his  mother.

He can acknowledge the love she held for her children, acknowledge that she changed and wanted to do better by them, but that doesn't equate to reconciliation and letting go of all those painful memories at the drop of a hat.

(Chapter 177 | Sunny's post)

The mental scars she left on him would be with him for years—potentially forever—and had she lived I don’t think he’d ever have a relationship with her in the way Emma might, but in that moment, he desperately wished for just the opportunity to try, even if it ended in failure or an impasse. And yet again fate left him without any say or control in the situation to determine his own path of healing.