#(though in my opinion it's never a bad thing to see a picture of him you've already seen before. cause it's still a picture of him :3 💖)

[samw1se]

I was born blind in my left eye. It never got fixed. Many of these points are true in my experience, except I still have an eyeball. Here are some additional fun facts from my realm of experience:

-my elementary school knew I was blind in one eye but did not tell my parents. I started to get a little farsighted in the 4th grade so I went to get readers and the eye doctor told me, a nine year old girl, that my life was forever fucked and I’d never be fully independent, never drive, never go to college, because I was disabled and it was too late to fix it. We got a second opinion. And then a third.

- (you can try to fix my kind of blindness up until about the age of five because the brain is still really elastic and capable of fixing the broken shit. They fix it by putting a patch over your good eye to force your bad eye to see. They tried it when I was nine but it was too late, so I essentially spent a year having my life ruined by being suddenly completely blind all the time and it sucked ass.)

- you make a great marksman and baseball batter once you figure out how your lack of depth perception works. Not a great outfielder though.

- things sometimes just kind of vanish on you. I got a massive concussion as a kid from running into a pole head on. The pole had been there as long as I could remember. I interacted with the pole every day. But one day I was running and the last thing I remember is thinking, hey, where did the pole go? Like the equipment holding it up was still there but the pole just seemed gone. This also happened several times to me when trying to catch pop flies or headbutt soccer balls. They’d just go away.

- people will indeed forget all the time and throw shit at you from the blind side and hit you in the head, or hug you and scare the shit out of you. A boy asked me out once after he hit me with a frisbee on my blind side.

- and then some people will always think of you when they encounter one eyed things. When I was an RA in college, some of my residents were so very pleased to bring me a one-eyed goldfish they’d found in the feeder tank at the pet store 😩 we named him one eyed Willy and he lived for like five years and survived two cross country trips in a car (in a Nalgene bottle both ways)

- I don’t have a traditional lazy eye (my eyeball can see but there is no connection between it and my brain so the message goes unrecieved) so I don’t really have much of a wandering eye, unlike other folks with amblyopia. I can also only cross my good eye, I cannot wink with my good eye without moving my entire face (and I had to learn how to do this by pushing my cheek and forehead muscles together with my hands until I could do it on my own so I look very stupid) and my good eye also tends to have trouble when looking at blue light for too long since it gets all the strain.

-additionally, the only times my eye seems to look lazy is in the occasional picture. I call it my googly eye.

- re writing advice: I took a writing class in college where we spent a lot of time journaling about our own bodies and then writing stories with what we had learned… my wonderful teacher guessed that I was blind in my left eye because of how I described things. I never used left or right when talking about objects being around characters’ bodies, only front and back. She fucked me up with that one.

- I get a lot of bruises on my left arm because I struggle with depth perception when walking around corners/doors on that side

- they gave me glasses as a kid to try to fix it after patching didn’t work (leading to the discovery that I don’t have a traditional lazy eye) and the left side was the biggest and thickest fucking lens you’ve ever seen and the right side was just normal glass no rx. It made the glasses sit crooked on my face so I stopped wearing them.

- they test you for amblyopia during your drivers license test and I cheated both times I’ve had to go take it 🙃 they put a ball on one lens and a box on the other and they ask if the ball is inside or outside the box and I didn’t see no goddamn ball but the man next to me said it was inside so I did too.

- if I hadn’t cheated, I could still get a license, just with a special note on it, which i didn’t know both times I cheated.

- and yes, cannot agree more with being a safe ass driver. People get frustrated because I follow so far behind other cars and give people so much room all the time but I have a clean ass driving record.

- following that, I have a hard time sitting in the front seat when someone else is driving, especially if they are tailgaters because I feel like I am always about to crash. My husband, a notorious tailgater, says I have an invisible break I hit whenever he’s too close to someone.

- my parents made me go to a chiropractor as a kid to see if the reasoning for my blindness was a pinched nerve. It did not work.

- a redditor once told me he would end himself if he were ‘as cursed as’ me because the idea of being blind in one eye was so insanely distasteful to him. I tried explaining to him that it’s literally the only life I’ve ever known and he kept trying to tell me it was disgusting and unnatural and I lived a hideous life. I was like, dude. Go to therapy.

- if you are blind in one eye but still have an eyeball, you have one fun fact for Two Truths and a Lie always directly on hand and no one will ever guess that’s a truth.

- I am especially clumsy, and sometimes when I get up to do something and start knocking shit down, my husband plays the Godzilla theme song in his phone and it always makes me die laughing.

- when my parents found out, they demanded to know why I didn’t tell them, and I had to explain to them that it was literally all I’ve ever known, how did I know it was wrong? I thought everyone could only see one side of their nose.

Sorry this got long. I can’t sleep lol.

writing advice for characters with a missing eye: dear God does losing an eyes function fuck up your neck. Ever since mine crapped out I've been slowly and unconsciously shifting towards holding my head at an angle to put the good eye closer to the center. and human necks. are not meant to accommodate that sorta thing.

[le-velo-pour-dru]

I think I could run a very successful daily Dallon Weekes account :] 💖 I don't want to steal idkbecks or dailydallonwerkes's thunder though so I probably won't make one (at least in the near future)

[dceasesd]

why juni ba’s the boy wonder has my favorite jason characterization of any contemporary comic run: a needlessly in-depth analysis (pt.1)

oh boy oh boy am i excited for this one buckle up boys it’s gonna be a long one. analysis under the cut (WITH PICTURES!!)

i, like many others, have many thoughts and opinions about juni ba's the boy wonder that i'd like to express. i was having trouble formatting my rant, though, so i decided that it was easiest to just address some of the common complaints i've seen about the comic and jason's characterization and insert my ramblings throughout it. so far i've seen three main complaints:

the typical boiling down of jason's character to "the angry one"

his lack of strategy going into the fight with the demon is out-of-character

the neighbor's kid interaction

to start with the first one-- when introducing jason's character, in both the second and first issue, ba uses the descriptors "coarse", "bitter", "hardened", "brash" and, of course, "rageful".

so, yes-- i understand where people are having issues with this characterization. however, even if it's overplayed, it's still important to remember that jason is angry, and is driven, in part, by his anger at bruce and the joker. and, as ba highlights, he deserved to be! completely erasing jason's anger is just as bad as defining him with it.

i also don't think it's wholly accurate to say that ba is boiling jason down to just his anger. it might seem like that when only considering the dialogue and narration, but jason's behavior in the comic doesn't perfectly align with how the narrator describes him. while the narration describes him as "rageful" and could be an instance of generalization, jason's actions throughout the comic are more aligned with two other emotions/motivators: fear and despair. we never see jason get actually, properly angry; the closest we get is when he's seemingly annoyed by damian (which i believe could be performative) and when he becomes violent, accidentally hurting damian.

even in this instance, though, he is not driven to this violence by rage, but rather fear. so, while ba states in the narration that jason is driven by his anger, he contradicts himself by highlighting how jason's sadness and terror motivates his character. this could be interpreted as lousy writing on ba's part, but i'm not going to attribute the paradox to that inference. to me, it actually represents a critque of the "jason is the angry robin" generalization, because it calls to attention the discrepancies between how one is described versus reality, an issue that jason both faces in the comics (bruce using him as a cautionary tale when dying WASN'T HIS FAULT) and outside of the comics, as mentioned previously.

furthermore, this highlights the difference between what jason believes about bruce's perspective and bruce's actual perspective (according to damian). jason believes himself to be a "failure", but damian refutes this by describing his conversation with bruce concerning jason, a conversation that does not align with jason's belief. if you couldn't tell by now, perception versus reality is a BIG theme in this comic (and for jason's character in general!)

i was really fascinated by ba's take on jason, because it veered pretty far from a lot of contemporary comics, most of which do, unfortunately, play with the angry robin jason generalization. they've been doing a bit with his fear, too, which has either been pretty fun or the most awful thing ever (i'm looking at you zdarsky. gotham war was fucked up), but what makes ba's jason stand out to me is how he grapples with his grief.

this boy is so sad. ba's jason might actually be the saddest rendition of him i've seen in canon content. we've seen jason grapple a little bit with the despair rooted in his death and resurrection, mainly in lost days, where he cries 3 (?) times, fresh out of the pit and very traumatized.

even in this comic, though, he reacts to his grief with anger more prominently than sadness. that obviously doesn't mean the despair isn't there, though-- anger is just an easier outlet for it (which i could really get into the masculinity aspects of that, but then this would be wayyyyyy too long).

ba's jason, though? that motherfucker is so. sad.

christ he's depressing. AND THAT'S SUCH A FRESH PERSPECTIVE!!!!!!! THANK YOU JUNI BA!!!!!!

now i'm pretty sure some people would argue that this rendition in out of character because he's so sad. to me, though, he's still the same jason; he covers up his sadness with anger and pettiness, redirecting his own insecurities onto those around him to mask his true feelings.

ba quite literally illustrates this in the comic. whenever he is being his snide, normal self, he has his red hood mask on; but when he actually opens up to damian and expresses himself truthfully, the mask is off. ba is highlighting how the classic jason anger and bitterness is, in part, a performance and coping mechanism.

this post is already too long, so i'll go over the two other critques in a different post, which i will link below (eventually). if you guys have any thoughts you'd like to share or discuss, my dms and asks are completely open! if you made it this far, i hope you enjoyed my ranting. look out for another post soon! :))

part 2 / part 3

[gotham-daydreams]

How would it have gone differently if Reader didn't try to be an "overachiever" and instead just stayed quiet and didn't interact with anyone besides Alfred until they left? Their room they left being mostly blank, with only the music journals? Giving up on trying to get their attention.

I think what's so funny about this ask, to me, is that I already have a concept like this written down (along with 3 others since the current reader I'm writing for the "Not [ ]" series is one of them but with a few missing details), so this'll be fun!

I guess it generally goes how you'd expect? Which is different for the most part, but the reader's perspective on what's happening is also different.

Granted, I would like to point out that, at least for this particular concept and the idea I have for it of how this would go, does have more stuff going on pre-Batfam that do affect how they perceive what's happening, and that's what makes things interesting in my opinion. Because someone can be naturally shy or just overall more reserved either out of nature or because they feel a certain way, but still feel bad about being neglected and, despite their lack of effort, feel that pain just as much as someone who's tried. Which is valid! Besides, someone's definition of 'trying' can vary as well.

Everyone should have a chance to have a family, and form some kind of connection with people. Just because you aren't going above and beyond for one person, doesn't mean you're undeserving of certain things. Especially not a chance to have a family, or feel like you have one. That's what I think anyway.

Nevertheless, back to the reader!

From the original concept, I will be tweaking a few things to fit the ask, but the same general outcome remains! Though again, the reader's perspective on things is a tad different. But how about this- I'll show two versions of the reader.

One that's quiet and more reserved because they gave up much earlier, or just generally hopeless really early on because maybe they felt as if anything they'd do just wouldn't be enough, who'll be accurately named Quiet!Reader. With the other being more closely related to the concept I wrote for such an idea, that we'll refer to as Waiting!Reader.

Quiet!Reader would change up things quite a bit! I won't lie!

They might already have bad self-esteem that's quick to develop at the start of things, which is something to note as that doesn't get better with time. They grow more cold and distant from the family at a quicker pace both from personal and external reasons.

Put simply, they don't feel good enough, and even if they did- anything they could do to get the Batfam's attention would never be enough in their eyes. To which, they see very early on when they try to engage and do some things with the family, only to be turned down. What doesn't help is when Quiet!Reader sees Damian get adopted and almost immediately showered with love, (compared to them) and that really cements some ideas that were already developing in their head about the family.

When Damian comes into the picture, they feel replaced. Seeing him as someone to fill in the 'youngest Wayne' role instead of them, so that Bruce and the others actually have someone to acknowledge for such a title. Just someone else to further take away the little they had.

So, they further step out of the way, glaring at the Batfam with tired eyes before that eventually stops too. Envy clawing at their heart, hatred being sent through waves of pain all throughout their body. Hurt unmatched. Yet they still remain invisible. Quiet as ever. Unnoticed. Everything they ever felt dies down, and forms a cold numbness that they begin to associate with the family.

Maybe through that, they feel closer to the family in some twisted way. Now just as cold as them. Just as talkative, and just as engaging. Almost mirroring them, but they're honest about how they feel. Honest about what they think, and therefore better. At least when compared to the Batfam- and to them, even if it wasn't a high bar to reach anyway, at least it counts for something.

It was never Damian's fault, or really about Damian at all. It could've been anyone else and Quiet!Reader would've still reacted the same way, they know that. Though just seeing the Batfam show love and care to him and not them just makes them feel... worse.

Clearly they're capable of love, and can notice new additions to the family (to which they may have mostly believed that the Batfam's neglect was just something the family did for whatever reason, and thought that them being the youngest had something to do with it for a while) and that breaks the reader. It doesn't hurt, not as much as it would've, maybe, but whatever hurt is there dies down quickly as Quiet!Reader, well, quietly accepts their fate.

The Batfam clearly wants nothing to do with them, so why should they try to do all of these things for them? It's simple, they shouldn't. So they don't. Quiet!Reader gives up, and continues to live their life without them.

The Manor just becomes a place they sleep in, and nothing else. It isn't anything close to a home, and not even Alfred can help with that.

It's because of that little fact, however, that Quiet!Reader leaves much sooner than the reader in the "Not [ ]" series. Maybe once they get a friend they can trust, they essentially end up living with said friend, hence why their room remains so empty. The notebooks they even keep in the room they have in the Manor is from when they were way younger, instead of just being from a few months ago or so. We're talking years since Quiet!Reader has touched those things now.

Maybe they do 'officially' leave a month or so before they usually would as an overachiever in the "Not [ ]" series, having only bothered to return so often before because of Alfred. Though even then, they'd forget to return most nights- only being reminded to even try and go back once Alfred would personally call them, and ask them where they were.

However now, after a while of just the time between them basically living with their friend and sleeping at the manor, they stop returning altogether. Though this time around they instead personally go to Alfred to say they're goodbyes. Not explaining much, but just saying that while they might still try to come and visit him sometimes, they don't live in the Manor anymore. Alfred already knows this, and the embrace they share fully hammers in that fact.

Yet when Quiet!Reader turns away, and leaves the Manor for good- even through the front door at that. Alfred can't help but just... miss them already.

You see, while Quiet!Reader is indeed quieter and more reserved, especially towards the Batfam, with Alfred really being the only exception, they still made music.

Maybe they didn't have as many concerts or physical, grand, live performances compared to the reader in the "Not [ ]" series, they not only started earlier, but may have actually started out on a social platform such a youtube. They really started out small, but were able to find and start their passion much earlier!

Most of what they played was when they were in the Manor, but slowly they started to get involved with things music related outside of the Manor and in Gotham- and from there were able to build themselves up even more. Hell, I'd even say that Quiet!Reader is a little more well-known and popular than the reader in the "Not [ ]" series because of the amount of extra time they dedicated to their passion.

So basically, Alfred this time around has more recordings and such of Quiet!Reader actually doing something they love than with the one in the series. However! Funnily enough, they're gone for a shorter amount of time despite having left earlier than normal.

Alfred is just, extra fed up with this nonsense, and so pulls his tricks more early on, but also make them hit harder.

He doesn't clean Quiet!Reader's room to show how long they've been gone, adding onto the emptiness and almost abandoned feeling the room itself gives off because of how bare and empty it is. They're music haunts the halls, subtle, sure, but still noticeable- especially to those who are hyper aware all the time. Pictures of Quiet!Reader and Alfred begin to be hung up, and if he can manage- some with Quiet!Reader and their friends during important parts of their life.

No one is safe from the guilt and anguish Alfred seeks to cause to not only have the Batfam look for you, but most importantly, to finally notice you.

Let's just say, things work out a little too well.

---

As for Waiting!Reader? Oh man, I've been wanting to rant about them for a while!

Unlike the reader in the "Not [ ]" series and Quiet!Reader, Waiting!Reader had some semblance of a life before getting adopted into the Batfam. Though the idea and character themself isn't musically inclined/involved in music, or even all that interested in music for that matter- for the sake of this ask, lets say they are!

I won't dabble too much into the life Waiting!Reader had before the Batfam, as if I do end up writing them I'd also like to keep some details vague (for the sake of leaving it up to interpretation and everything), but just know that during the time they were still with their original family, they were essentially taught that they should 'wait their turn', and eventually their parents would spend time with them and care for them. Hence the little name I've given them.

So! When they get to the Manor and are officially adopted, only to be neglected and ignored during their first few attempts- because of their young age, they immediately think "oh! they're just like mom and dad!" So they 'wait' for 'their turn', believing that eventually, should they wait long enough, they'll be rewarded with bonding and such from the Batfam just as they were with their previous parents.

This mindset changes what they do as well, as Waiting!Reader even goes out of their way to not bother anyone, or "get in the way" of whatever they could be doing. Waiting!Reader treats the situation so much like their previous home life, that sometimes they might even forget that the Batfam are completely different people from their parents. The only real difference that they can think of is that they're not acknowledged at all and it seems like their 'turn' never comes. Though for a while that doesn't get them down. The Batfam is busy like they're parents were! Waiting!Reader is sure that when things die down then they'll have their time.

... Hopefully.

I can imagine that part of the reason why Waiting!Reader holds on to hope for so long is because, again, their own parents constantly reassured them that they would have their time eventually. That if they behaved, and stayed out of the way, then they would go somewhere fun with their parents and essentially be rewarded for their efforts. They were conditioned to wait, to be patient, and just comply until those around them decided to actually take care of them, and spend time with them.

Of course, as they grow up the reality of the situation does hit them eventually, but during that time they do try.

Waiting!Reader helps Alfred around the house, and so they mostly bond over doing chores, among other things. They are also more mindful, and try to keep the amount of noise they back down— so they actually don't play at the Manor all that often, and instead play literally anywhere else. If and when they do play outside, around the area of the Manor like in the gardens or something, they make sure no one is around before even thinking of playing.

Alfred does help them break a few of their habits that they got while living with their parents, but the one thing he can't seem to 'fix' is how absolutely quiet Waiting!Reader is when they walk around. Which, as on can imagine, doesn't exactly help in a situation where the whole family, except for the butler, is neglecting you.

The amount of times Waiting!Reader has caught Alfred off guard is more then you'd think for someone that works with the Dark Knight, and his various sidekicks and such, over the years. Which does say something, sure, but it's also funny!

Regardless, similar to Quiet!Reader, Waiting!Reader is able to start their musical career earlier than normal, and thuse becomes a little more popular than they would originally. However, they're more known for their live performances and giving back to the community. Seemingly just like Bruce as they attend charity event after charity event, and try to do good by the people.

Waiting!Reader also does genuinely try to become a vigilante as well, but they do so in a way where they only take care of the smaller/medium guys, and leave the bigger ones to the rest of the Batfam. This is because they want to remove possible distractions for their family, and while they would try to take on "bigger guys", they don't think they're skilled enough or experienced enough to even think about it. So they don't even try. (They also don't have the same theme as the Batfam- since they don't want to 'ruin' their reputation with what they're doing or something. Which does hell them further detach themself from the family later on.)

I'd say that with Waiting!Reader, the difference between them and the Batfam is more clear to them? Like, to them, the Batfam are just so good at what they do that they have no hope of reaching them. So instead of trying to reach for them, they just do their own thing and try to help in their own way.

Because Waiting!Reader takes care of smaller guys, they are kind of closer to Waiting!Reader as a vigilante.

The best way I can put it is that while the community trusts Batman and the members of the Batfam to save their city, they trust Waiting!Reader to save their homes.

So basically- Batfam is the bigger picture while Waiting!Reader focuses on the smaller picture.

Nevertheless! Also like Quiet!Reader, Waiting!Reader actually leaves earlier. Except when they leave, they leave.

Waiting!Reader straight up leaves Gotham City to attend the college that they want to go to, in an area that has more opportunity for them, that isn't close to where the Batfam lives or patrols.

So they not only leave earlier, but it also takes the Batfam longer to find them. Especially because Waiting!Reader does still do some things in Gotham, they just don't live there anymore.

I feel like out of all three readers, Waiting!Reader definitely feels like the kind of person that someone would assume is some kind of "Phantom of the Wayne Manor," y'know?

So Alfred definitely tries to make the Batfam feel bad like he does with Quiet!Reader. Except how anyone in the Batfam is reminded that Waiting!Reader even exists, and that they've been gone for a while now is through a letter that is accidentally sent to the Wayne Manor from one of Waiting!Reader's fans. From there, some research does start and the more the Batfam learns, the more they want to go and find the reader- you know the deal.

I hope this answered your question even if I really did ramble on this time- if you'd like me to clarify anything or go into more detail on a specific part, feel free to send in an ask!

[pix-writes]

The post of Ford being naturally affectionate haven't leave my mind omg but (in your opinion) what about the other way? What would happen if the reader is casually affectionate to the Stan's? Rubbing their hand on their back, leaning their head to his shoulders, briefly touching their hair, etc

I think they are both naturally affectionate, it comes out in them in little ways. But omg if someone did it to them?! Absolutely flustered! I think we've seen a lot from the series and so forth to suggest that both of them don't quite know what to do when someone turns the tables on them, and is geniunely interested in them.

(rest under cut)

Stanley loves it, he'll not think too much of you putting an arm around him or something small like that, but more affectionate touching (e.g your hand rubbing his back) without him somehow initiating it? He's a mess, he's not used to it and gets flustered in the beginning! He panics just a teensy bit and if you ask if he's okay or try to stop the touch he'll reassure you its fine, but he's doing a bad job at maintaining that smooth, confident facade, for sure ^^'

He'll make a few little jokes about it if he feels too startled about you initiating casual affection, even ones that are a little flirty, cause he does like it, he's just not used to it. (like "woah there, toots! hands off the merchandise!" or "you feel that? that's made of husband material!" *wink wink*) xD

He may even confess he doesn't think he'll ever get used to it, which (un)fortunately for him only spurs you on to do it as much as possible. (On a sadder note, I think Stanley has gone without so much affection, especially romantically, or has been used to things going badly in the past, that he might have some moments he's suspicious that you have ulterior motives. But I think, since having the twins over for the summer and reconnecting with his brother he'd be less jumpy/paranoid.)

But he likes a little bit of PDA, Stan's heart will swell with pride and affection at some of those touches, especially if you lean your head on his shoulder, link your arm through his, those sorts of things. It feels 'gentlemanly' to him, like when he used to go to the pictures as a kid, where the young lead would 'court' girls in the movies he watched. I mean, he watches the duchess approves, this man has a romantic streak! Just don't call him a sap, he'll never admit to it. Though, after a while he'll lean into it, and when he does he'll 'get you back' for being affectionate to him, like when you came up to kiss him on the cheek when he had a lull in the tour he was doing? Expect 'revenge' in the form of being teased mercilessly

(the kissing exchange rate is exceptionally high, so now you will receive 5 kisses back! The next day it's 10 kisses, 'why is it so high', you say? inflation ya know? but then stan forgets to count and is like 'ah, screw it!' and drops the play act to properly smooch you <3 if dipper and mabel are around to see these antics they will voice how gross this is haha)

Stanford is more or less the same, in that he has gone without such affection for long periods of time, even if he had friends in other dimensions. Man is more touched starved and not as open (initially) to casual affection from someone, but once he becomes more familiar with you, he would be naturally affectionate too! It catches him off guard a lot more in comparison to his brother, though, he's still adjusting a little to 'normal' life, so its best to make sure he's aware that you're going to touch him as the contact might make him literally jump, out of pure instinct!

He's definitely flustered and surprised that someone else is initiating touch/affection with him, at first he is a little bewildered and feels insecure, he's out of his depth as he feels like doesn't know how to reciprocate and he hates the feeling; he feels bad because he is touch starved some of the time he becomes touch averse. (He'll have to bite the bullet and communicate that it's okay, instead of having an internal meltdown; he's been healing well from the past, so he'll quickly realise this is needed.)

So, he settles into welcoming it, he may be out of practice but it's nice to have someone who is comfortable around him so much that they would want to rest a head on his shoulder or hold his hand or let him hug them. That's just what friends do and he will start to trust and feel safer around you more, for the casual affection you show.

He's a little more reserved than his brother, but nevertheless he does like the attention - especially in public, though he's not really one for PDA, he likes holding your hand.

Just might take him a while to fully realise when its romantic vs platonic, potentially, but if you're already in the romantic zone, I think he'd be a lot more aware that you're being affectionate and he'd still have times he'll blush because of it and get all dreamy-eyed since he's not used to it, but also he just loves the reassurance your physical touch gives him that you love him too! He definitely confesses at points that he doesn't know if he'll ever get used to the casual affection you give to him so easily, will sometimes even apologise for being caught off guard by your affection. Does (rarely) get a little annoyed by your affection when he's absorbed in his work becuase he doesn't want to be distracted ^^' but that's only because physical touch is actually a strong love language for him, he tends to feel like he's been switched off or short circuiting when you rub your hand across his back or through his hair, he'll never finish those equations now! hehehe

(have you ever seen those tiktoks where someone is like asking my nerdy bf about *insert interest here* whilst wearing something revealing, or something along those lines and they get all flustered and trip over htier words? yeah, that's Ford! He'll make a good attempt at trying to be composed at first tho, but it's ultimately gonna fail!)

[sundrop-writes]

Hi! I hope this is okay to send because I’ve sent this type of request to others (and I know that’s normally bad) BUT it’s because I enjoy the different opinions of all the amazing writers!!! It’s not a fic request but just a request for your top headcanons for Spencer Reid.

The things that you’re like “this is canon and I’ll fight you over it” - smut, nsfw, tame, domestic, anything - just your opinions/rants!

(If it’s not okay to ask though please accept my apology!!! I’m still learning the social etiquette of tumblr requests! ) - 🌑

I definitely think this is okay to send to different writers, because you will usually get very different results - usually writers don't like it when you send a request that can only get similar results (asking for a narrative fic with a detailed, similar plot). But I love giving my random headcanons about characters.

Random Spencer Reid Headcanons

And okay, the first one I have in mind for Spencer is so weird.

One of the headliners that I always have in mind for Spencer - he wears tighty whities.

Like - the only kind of underwear that he wears are the classic hanes briefs (usually white, maybe heather grey, never black or any other 'fun' colour) - he doesn't wear boxer briefs, he doesn't wear boxers. Whenever I see a fic saying 'and then Spencer took off his boxer briefs', I'm like: "no, you don't know him like I do".

Spencer is a fucking nerd. Spencer is the type of fucking nerd who would insist on wearing the nerdiest underwear - tighty whities. And people probably write about him wearing boxer briefs because those are the sexy men's underwear and briefs are not like 'hot' to picture men in - but that is exactly why I HC him as wearing them and exactly why I mention that he wears them in every single one of my fics.

Spencer would wear the dorkiest underwear in expectation that he's not going into a sexual situation. He wears his underwear thinking that he's not going to fuck - he's not going to have to 'impress' anyone. Also, over time, of writing several fics about him and thinking about Spencer for 100s of hours a week - I have come to develop this kind of kink for picturing his giant nine inch cock trapped inside the crotch of a pair of briefs, hard and struggling to fit in there. It would be hot in its own way. (Which, Spencer always is.)

Speaking of his cock - you may notice that with a lot of my fics, I take the time to describe in depth what a male character's dick looks like. This is because I take the time to picture and think about what a characters dick looks like and how it is different from other characters (because no, not every characters dick is nine inches, thick and veiny. no) - I call it the Dickscription. And I think it's a very important part of characterization.

Spencer is eight to nine inches (when fully hard) - but he is skinny. His cock is a bean pole, just like he is. You would look at his dick and call it a snake. His cock is very smooth - the skin on it is baby soft and smooth, rather than veiny, and Spencer does not shave his pubes. Spencer is a full bush kind of guy - because he is terrified of putting a razor anywhere near his dick. He would only shave if you helped him and if he trusted you a lot. And he had a very thick, dark bush of hair near the top, around the base of his cock, but it gets more sparse around his balls, which even get soft and fuzzy in some places. (I have thought about this way. too. much.)

He is uncut, and when he gets really needy and teased or if you don't let him cum, then his cock turns a really bright shade of pink or even red, and the colour goes across his whole cock so his cock becomes like this beautiful bright pink rocket - and he leaks. Spencer is a very leaky guy, to the point where he gets everything so wet before he can even cum.

(These headcanons are getting out of control, lets get back to something more wholesome, shall we?)

Spencer is the kind of person to take himself on dates. On the rare occasion that he gets a day off, Spencer indulges in going out alone. It's not necessarily that he likes the solitude, but he's used to it because he spent his entire childhood pretty much alone, and there are a lot of activities that he likes that he thinks no one else he knows will enjoy. So he tries to enjoy treating himself to a day out alone.

He will bring a few good books to a cafe and drink a few expensive lattes (and probably eat a few pastries) and simply enjoy the peace and quiet of reading by himself for a while. He'll go to a book store and browse for hours before finally picking something. He'll go to a naturally history museum and walk around by himself, not tied to the whims of what someone else wants to see.

Hmmm

Maybe some relationship headcanons?

(Because we all love Spencer, lets face it.)

This is something I bring up in Careful (as you guys will see) - but I genuinely believe that Spencer Reid would treat his partner like royalty. He is someone who has spent years reading about romance - especially with his mother reading him so much classic literature, he regards the classics as the bar for romance (and he just hopes that his life doesn't become one of the tragedies where one or both partners die in the end). So he's not the 'Netflix and Chill' type - and he definitely doesn't bring you to the movies to sit in silence on a date.

He is the type of person to hire a violinist to play your favourite song by the table on a date, he will open doors for you, help you with your coat, pull out chairs for you, recite poetry to you (probably in other languages just because it sounds beautiful).

He will always think of the most unique dates to take you on. He'll take you to museums, to an observatory, to the orchestra - he'll take you to a large, elegant library that has rare books and recite lines from those classic books to you while you're there. He would take you to plays or a midnight picnic by a lake. Dates with him would never be boring or typical - it would be like living in a romantic movie.

A lot of people HC that Spencer would not be into PDA because he's too shy, but I don't think that's the case. Early seasons Spencer maybe, but I think that even he would get to a point where he's just so enamoured with you that he needs to touch you in public. But his PDA wouldn't be steamy or smutty, it would be romantic and soft and passionate.

He would keep a hand on your lower back while walking around, a sign that he's right there with you, a gentle signal to anyone around that you're with him. He would lean in close to speak right in your ear - showing that his words are only for you, that nobody else in the vicinity deserves to hear what he has to say, only you do.

He would graze his fingertips right across your arm, causing goosebumps on your skin. He would stare into your eyes with such intense, burning passion. And he would kiss you in public - lingering only long enough to leave you wanting more. And on occasion, he would lean in to kiss your neck or bring your hand up to kiss the back of it - gentle things to show his appreciation of you without giving away too much for prying eyes to see.

Dating Spencer would be like dating a prince from a hallmark movie, I swear to god.

(That's all I have for now, because if I keep thinking about this too much, I may explode because Spencer is not real and I can't actually date him.)

[gorgonwrites]

wriothesley headcanons

NSFW below the cut! minors DNI. 18+

author's note: i'm BACK!!! and i am obsessed with a certain duke from genshin, good gawds. my best friend and i starting spitting ideas out about our fav genshin men, and i decided i wanna share these with you all. :) enjoy! <3

This man is covered in tattoos- he just tends to dress so they aren’t visible. He has a Cerberus piece that takes up his entire back, and he has lots of florals that cover his legs and arms and chest. That’s his secret little way of bringing some of the overworld down to him. 

Wriothesley is SUPER outdoorsy. He doesn’t make it a habit to spend a lot of time away from the Fortress of Meropide, but when he does go up to the overworld he’s most likely trying to soak up as much sunshine and fresh air as he can. 

He gets sunburned so easily, bless him. Even if he slathers sunscreen on, it's guaranteed he’ll come back to the Fortress burnt to a crisp. He never complains though. He took Sigewinne camping once, and his sunburn was so bad she was convinced he had sun poisoning when they got back home. 

He loves taking cheesy photos where he’s “holding” or “leaning on” landmarks, and is always super smug about the pictures if they turn out exactly like he wanted. 

Has a photic sneeze reflex. And on that note- the man’s sneezes are so fucking obnoxious. They echo throughout the Fortress when he sneezes in his office. He gets his feelings hurt if no one says ‘bless you’ though. 

To show love, Wriothesley gives physical touch and gifts. He loves seeing small things throughout his long days that remind him of his partner, and he wants them to know he’s thinking of them constantly. 

To receive love, he needs physical touch and words of affirmation. Trust is extremely hard for him, so having verbal reassurance is key to him relaxing and building trust with his partner. 

Is literally just a little baby. The man would melt into being cuddled after a long, hard day.

nsfw below<3

This man has a SERIOUS praise kink. He needs to know when he’s doing well and the reassurance drives him crazy. He’s also quick to give praise to his partners- the intimacy makes him melt. Will lose his mind if someone calls him a good boy. 

He also has a very mild degradation kink- he loves to tease his partners or slightly embarrass them. He can’t help that he’s fucking them stupid! 

T I T T Y MAN!!! 

Pierced nips because he likes the look of them. 

Obsessed with his partners riding his face. He just wants to be a tool for their pleasure, and in his opinion that's the perfect way to let them use him how they want.

He loves bondage, but more specifically, he loves shibari. He thinks it's beautiful, and the time spent tying his partners up in intricate positions feels incredibly intimate to him. 

He also has a bit of a sadistic streak- he loooooves predicament bondage too. 

Mild voyeur and exhibitionist kink, he’s a bit jealous at times though so he tends to lean more into exhibitionism. 

He LOVES edging. Giving and receiving- the delayed gratification of it all makes him feral. If he’s edging his partner, he wants to see tears and hear begging before he finally gives in and lets them come. If he’s on the receiving end, he tries to hold out as long as  humanly possible because he gets so lost in the pleasure. He’s usually crying out by the end, though. 

Generally, such a soft and tender lover. He’s very attentive and adapts well. He would most likely try anything at least once, and would say if he didn’t like something in particular. He expects the same from his partners. 

[starreyblueberry]

Timmy Turners fate in the new series is one of the most anticipated/theorized aspects of the new show right now. We have multiple easter eggs towards him being a possible character in the new show, and due to the creator saying that Timmys kids could possibly be Cosmo and Wandas next godkids, I don't think Timmy has kids yet (aka the channel chaser ending might be on its way, but not happened just yet.) He is arguably going to either be a huge hit or miss, everyone has different ideas, fates, what he should be, what would be the best conclusion to his character. The lines between real genuine trauma and gags in the old show are blurry, as well as core aspects of his personality. It’s so hard to actually write him as an adult for the new show purely cause what exactly are you going to take from the show that MATTERS. Will you take the lovingness of his parents from season one? or the neglectful spiteful parents they become from season 4. Will you take the horrible grades as him actuallly being bad at school, or crocker failing him on purpose. Will chole even be his best friend? Or is it back to AJ and Chester? Or will his only friends be cosmo and wanda?

We’re Cosmo and Wanda parents to Timmy, or just godparents.

Its already proven that timmys magic somewhat stayed (aka Peris existence, Dale being a millionare, hell even dimsdale/fairy world being intact) If they will acklowdge that? The school mascot being Timmy turner adjacent, past fairy’s seeming to have remembered Timmy (The tooth fairy having a little card of Timmy, Jorgen hanging out w cosmo and Wanda more CAUSE of Timmy’s adventures etc). He’s somehow a crutal part of almost every piece of the show and he’s not even there. I fully believe they’re gonna explain why a lot of Timmy’s wishes have stayed (in my opinion so many of his changes have made the world in general a better place, and he has saved the universe so often undoing his shit would kinda change the whole fabric of space and time, thus making his magic stay, memories are more… iffy.)

I know a huge thing is also the family dynamic, the fact Timmy is their favourite, hell the HALL OF TIMMY!!! The fact they keep a picture of his room in their house, the fact that they reference him sometimes within conversations with hazel. Never actually spoken his name but implied that’s their Timmy (aside from one time) That the reason the world is right now the reason this problem or circumstance or blessing is happening is because of Timmy Turner.

The amount of pure power Timmy has over the show is something crazy, and I do trust the new writers to give us an ending that will satisfy us. He’s been so connected to many people’s childhoods, showing found family at its core. He’s snarky, loud, smart, kind, and more. People want to see him happy, people want to see him with his family. Who you count as his family is up to you. It’s already been semi-confirmed it’s gonna be connected to the channel chasers ending since most of the general audience has said they wished the show ended during that time ( I have my own opions about it but I digress.) It would be super cool if they did their own take, aka any unconventional Timmy future that we haven’t seen as a concept in the OG show. I know many people are rooting for too remember, for them to be united, and I really wish it happens. We also have to remember this is hazels story too, and we’ll be seeing the end of Timmy’s story rather then the middle of it. A special about him would be amazing though, especially if he’s either the hero, or the villain. Idk!!One day I’ll make a full post about every possible future Timmy and my preferences towards which ones, but for now I’ll stick with my analysis of the OG show.

All I know is that Timmy changed Cosmo, Wandas, and Peris life almost more then any other Godkid, and I like to think the show respects the impact he had. Not only as their godkid, but as their first kid to consider true family.

[dailyrothko]

Hi! I was wondering if you had any opinions on the play Red by John Logan? Really admire the Rothko work you do!

First of all, thank you.

Secondly, I think I maybe in a weird position to critique this. I have read almost everything written about Rothko that I know exists. All the books, all the articles I could find and all the interviews I can put my hands on where people who knew him talk. I actually have you guys to thank for this because until this blog got popular, I didn't know much about his life other than the basics. But, feeling some responsibility to my "Audience" and chosen subject, I tired to educate myself in this niche.

Because of this, one naturally forms a picture of the person in your head based on these collected impressions. I think most people don't really know much about him, at least until recently.

I am thankful that the play was an entrée into the art for a lot of people. Like the Rothko episode of Mad Men, many people are brought to awareness of the Rothko through these other mediums and I think that's really cool.

The thing though is that John Logan wrote the movie Gladiator, and you can tell. I see nothing bad about that kind of drama, it just doesn't jibe with my impression of Rothko, While Rothko was sensitive, upset at times, neurotic and opinionated, careful and studious, but he was not this bellowing pontificator that I feel is represented in the play. Again there's nothing wrong with making a drama of it, it's just something that I divorce from Rothko's actual character. I used to have a job reading movie scripts for an actor and you find a lot of common devices people use to make the drama effective, and I feel Red uses a lot of those to good effect. Every play or movie I have ever seen about an artist takes the task of making a largely internal process, external enough for the audience to become engrossed in.

Rothko was sensitive, well-spoken intellectual man. Many of his friends speak of his great tenderness and generosity towards them. The play seeks to pit him and his assistant as two poles of the art world, the new encroaching on the old. Again, fine as a dramatic device but Rothko painted alone, and he talked about painting to no one, ever. Anyone who knew Rothko says he never discussed his art. So any conversations in the play are entirely fantasy.

So, basically I think the play is entertaining and hopefully gets people interested in the art, but I wouldn't take it like a biography of Rothko! And that's really my main point, not to knock the play but to point out the differences between fact and fiction.

Here's some context:

"When I've seen my father portrayed, I've sort of winced, because it doesn't sound like him or come across like him. He was a very warm, humorous person, I remember him telling me silly stories as a child. - Kate Rothko

"As I see him, he was a very loving, essentially feeling man. He was loving and lovable. He liked to put on a rough show. I mean he liked to talk tough. He presented to me a softness. And I was full of my Oriental, religious view of things. I never attempted to talk to him about it because he didn't respond to it. I took it that it was his concern with the world which was from boyhood because of his parentage and finding the same ugliness and stupidity in the art world as in the world that made him so convinced that life wasn't worth living." -Wallace Putnam

Mark is often presented as off-putting; however, he really was quite warm, nurturing and could be very funny." - Regina Bogat

"(Rothko had) a genuine charitable impulse. It grew out of real sympathy. I don't think it was a put-on in any way, nor for self-aggrandizement...there are numbers of cases in which while he was alive he helped persons and always anonymously. He never wanted it known, nor did he ever talk about it." - Stanley Kunitz

*forgive typos, my brain does not see them until weeks after the fact

[antheshewro]

Levi Ackerman headcanon #2 — (My) analysis on his disability

This is my second time writing about Levi and his character. I previously did so for his intimacy and sexuality; this time, I would like to give my honest opinion and headcanon on his disability. With the utmost respect for the topic as it should be handled, and the disclaimer that I don't have enough knowledge in that field.

A panel of the manga explicitly shows how a titan, during the final battle, bit onto his knee. It most likely crushed his bone and damaged his nerves all the way down. His leg, even after surgery (I could see him resorting to a more technologically advanced country and their skills in the medical field to do so), healing and physical therapy, remained stiff.

When I say "stiff", however, I do picture it not being able to bend anymore. If he sits down, he has to manually bend it. It surely hurts when it's humid, or it aches as time passes and if he sits down for a certain and/or prolonged period of time.

The usage of the wheelchair is mostly because limping the entire time is not the best thing to do, and it surely bothers him if that happens. I can see Levi using a cane whenever he wants to take a walk alone, not relying on anyone else but that wooden stick. And in a way, to feel like he's not burdening anyone, being carried around.

The acceptance of his disability surely wasn't easy. That's more than obvious, it would never be pleasant to anyone. For someone like Levi, who got the title of "humanity's strongest soldier", losing so much of his mobility made him think if it was worth it. Yet, remembering the sight of the ghosts of his fallen comrades made him get through tons of doubts and moments of self-consciousness. If one like Levi let loose and cried because of it, it's a very big deal. One of those deals that made him think that yes, he's disabled. He struggles with certain mundane tasks now, and he has to rely on other people to grab an item that's placed on a high shelf, because that particular day his leg hurts, for example. In the Bad Boy chapter, there's no wheelchair in sight; though it meant that he could've parked it somewhere (where, we don't know), we can say that if he was sitting there with Falco and Gabi, he could, again, limp his way there. It wouldn't surprise me if he was stubborn enough to be willing to help despite his injuries.

It's not a bad thing to imagine him as defeated; he lost his dear friends, his family (by blood and acquired one), and on top of that, he was left with one blind eye, two fingers ripped off from one hand and a leg that doesn't work anymore. Anyone would've reacted badly.

We also know that Levi always showed signs of being stubborn: he still engaged in a battle with fresh bandaged scars and injuries, or when he told Armin "You'll forget that I exist if I keep resting". Despite how weak he clearly was, clinging and pushing himself forward as he struggled to walk, it doesn't only show that pain doesn't stop him at all, but how stopping itself means that he's giving up on a state of vulnerability that he doesn't want to go back to; I do connect it to the time when in Bad Boy he was being beaten up by those men, before he "activated" his Ackerman genes. Or even when he had to endure the pain of Kenny leaving him, his mother dying, or his comrades falling. Levi is not going to let his own body win.

"If I let myself be weak and vulnerable, I would fail the little kid in me that fought for himself and survived despite the shit he went through. I'm not going to let him down and fail who kept me alive and made me the person I'm today. The person that people relied on. But I need to trust that kid and rely on him too," I bet he constantly repeats himself whenever he's struggling and gritting his teeth. When getting to the bathroom makes him sweat a little, or dressing himself up takes more than usual.

On the other hand, I think the relationship between Levi and the way he denies himself some sort of vulnerability is because he thinks that it doesn't bring him anywhere. It never helped him in the Underground; when in "No Regrets" he cried after Isabel and Furlan died, he most likely told himself, "What did I gain from this? Did it even help bring them back? It didn't. Suck it up."

With that, Levi suppressed his feelings and bottled them up. He allowed himself to tear up only when he saluted the fallen Scouts. But that wasn't vulnerability for him: it was pride. Proud of himself, that he kept a promise and showed himself that he wasn't the same little boy that was left in a dumpster of an underground city, more than twenty years prior. Even despite the reason he was forced to join the Scouts, and cleared his name within his own self. The son of a prostitute and his client, the nephew of a man that wasn't surely a saint.

As time passed, Levi accepted his disability and the fact that he had to adapt. You fall today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow you understand that you need some backup. Gabi and Falco, and the ones who kept in touch with him (I would say Onyankopon the most, since at the end of the manga he shows up with the other three), surely were with him when he got back to his new house and had to face the reality of things. He would grumble and push the others away at first, and he never wanted to be helped. That meant having people care for him; last time it happened, those people left or died in front of his eyes. Too many traumas made him independent and reckless, as well as stubborn.

But even Levi has his limits. Gabi and Falco are compassionate and understand that they have to respect the fact that he needs time to fully accept his disability and people's aid. Once again, when someone has been left alone for years or discarded as if they were an old and broken shoe, they toughen up. Not because they want it, and I do believe that Levi tried a lot of times to heal his inner child and only succeeded with those kids at the refugee camp, while handing them lollipops. Giving them candies meant that he was helping them grasp onto that childhood they had been denied—and that sounds awfully familiar. Another side of him, however, has been so used to doing everything alone and being his own and sole emotional support that asking for help is not even contemplated.

Day by day, week by week, and year after year, he understood that grieving his lost mobility was alright. Letting people help him was alright. Discovering his limits, rediscovering his body and making everything coexist was the key. That the little Levi in him would be proud of adult Levi for not pulling a card at the base of the house of cards he built and instead, recreating it. That was when child!Levi began to feel at ease, and veteran!Levi could rest.

[ozzy-boy]

Hii! Volks, Scale and Cole's reaction (separately) if someone calls their s/o ugly?

Volks:

-Volks doesn't do social media. He doesn't have any and he doesn't look at it either.

-He finds the whole thing kind of ridiculous anyway- why would you care what strangers online have to say? You show him cute videos of dogs sometimes though, so he figures it can't all be bad.

-When Volks notices that you're a little downtrodden, he doesn't suspect that social media would be the cause.

-You brush him off and say that it's stupid when he asks what's wrong, which immediately rubs him the wrong way.

-He's your boyfriend- he doesn't care if it's stupid, if something is bothering you, he wants to know.

-If you keep trying to avoid it he'll end up putting his forehead against yours and staring into your eyes until you say it.

-You eventually give in and admit that someone called you ugly under one of the new pictures you posted.

-Normally Volks would probably agree that it's stupid to be upset over a stranger's opinion, but that kind of thing doesn't bother him. You're more sensitive than he is though. (unbothered king)

-He assures you it isn't true and is extra sweet for a while to make you feel better. He also goes on your phone later and deletes any comments that aren't compliments (even if it takes him a while to figure out how bc he's an old man with technology 💀)

Scale:

-Scale isn't huge on social media either, but he makes accounts so he can like your posts and so you can send him things.

-Honestly if he didn't have the whole 'assassin secret identity' thing going on, he'd probably post stuff about his workout routine. He's fine just sending those videos to you, though ;)

-He likes to go to your insta and look at your pictures when he's having a rough day with training, just as a little pick-me-up.

-Though, today he notices a comment under your most recent post.

-Immediately confused. ("Huh?")

-Refreshing the page constantly, as if expecting it to be a mistake. ("Who?")

-You? Ugly??? ("What?????")

-Genuinely dumbfounded. He's never heard something so ridiculous in his life.

-You're equally confused a few hours later when you log on and see your boyfriend getting in an online slapfight with a random person under your post.

-It's very endearing that Scale is so willing to go to bat and defend you but you're gonna have to give him a lesson in online safety and teach him how to block people that make him angry and move on -_-

Cole:

-Cole is your number 1 fan he has all your accounts on notification. He is your first like on every post.

-He kind of hates that your pictures are online for anyone to see but he deals with it. He has his own collection of pictures to admire but he often refreshes your pages to see what you're up to.

-While you're out together one day you decide to take a quick photo and post it since you're feeling cute.

-It's not until a while later that Cole watches you check your phone, only for a sad look to pass over your features. He quickly investigates, and finds a bubbling anger rising in his chest when he finds that someone's insulted you.

-'I have to kill this guy right fucking now-'

-'No, no, calm down Cole. You need to keep your cool in front of Marshmallow.'

-'Wait a second, they look sad. I'm going to kill-'

-Cole does a few deep breathing exercises, gets his head on straight and repeatedly tells himself that he can't run off to track down an internet stranger while you're sad.

-"My darling, have I told you how wonderful you look today...?"

-He spends the next several hours spoiling and complimenting as much as you'll allow.

-After all, you need no one else but him.

[stardust-falling]

Having more thoughts about Shen Jiu because of course I am.

I don’t think he has the capacity for empathy or genuine selflessness.

He spent the entirety of his formative years deep in survival mode, and because of that, he evaluates people solely based off of how they might threaten or ensure his safety and/or comfort. As far as individual people themselves with their own perspectives… honestly I don’t think he even thinks of that.

Maybe a controversial opinion, but I don’t think even YQY is exempt.

Shen Jiu doesn’t have a moral code. When every day is spent on surviving, a moral code is a luxury.

And really, he just never got out of that mode. See, the thing is, once you’ve had enough adverse experiences it only takes a little bit to trigger you back into that mindset. Shen Jiu was used to being scolded and then beaten or abused, so for him, even a simple chiding is a precursor to abuse— even if he DOES recognize that nothing more will happen, his body and mental patterns will still go into that preparation time.

So of course he never left survival mode, because even if nothing is actively happening, your mind will keep reinforcing those patterns.

For someone with a normal upbringing, as far as I can tell, empathy is something you learn and develop from those around you. Many seem to think it’s something innate and natural and if you don’t have it then there’s something wrong with you from birth. I think Shen Jiu falls into exactly this category of thought— and so he doesn’t even consider that he could try to learn and develop it as a skill he can perform, even if it doesn’t come naturally.

Of course, would he even try? He hasn’t been given any incentive. Any time he has tried to do something good, he ends up getting hurt (saving Yue Qi leading to being taken by QJL) or misinterpreted and admonished (the well ghost incident, keep in mind my earlier point about scoldings perpetuating the same patterns).

So he stays in that same vicious cycle, perpetually in survival mode and unable to escape, even in a relatively secure position (see: his paranoia).

Now, this is all relevant to the discussions of SJ’s feminism, misogyny, and/or lack thereof. I feel like a lot of discussions aren’t really getting the full picture.

SJ sees people, no matter who they are, as solely how they can affect him. Just because this isn’t exclusive to women, or because if comes from a reasonable place, does that really mean it doesn’t play into misogyny?

Let’s take another angle.

I think his abuse of LBH and other talented disciples also is rooted, deep down, in this same issue. He’s not just hurting LBH only to hurt him, his aim is specifically to stunt his cultivation. There’s jealousy at play there of course, but there’s a bit more layers to it too— SJ doesn’t think he’s capable of goodness. So reasonably, he’ll be a bad teacher. He already knows what happens when someone becomes more powerful than their oppressor. LBH may be a child now, but a part of SJ whether he acknowledges it or not sees him as a future threat that needs to be treated as such.

It’s rooted in fear— because everything is with SJ.

So does that mean it’s not actually abuse?

No. The behaviors he shows are still abusive, the reasoning just gives a lens for understanding.

Now, with his views on women— I mentioned in the tags of my original post that I don’t think he views women as people. This is based in that earlier idea of how he interprets others based off their risk and benefit to him. For women specifically, though, there’s another layer.

Shen Jiu grew up in a society where women are inherently lesser— and he grew up in an extreme version of this. He saw women being treated as property firsthand(both as slaves, as well as QJL’s views on his sister). Your worldview is shaped by the world that you view during those early years. Whether he agreed or not, SJ would still take on the patterns of his environment. This, though, is just the same as general societal misogyny and ingrained bias. I don’t think he’s any different than anyone else in this way.

But where SJ’s particular flavor comes in is that to him, women are a source of comfort. For various reasons— positive past experiences, less threatening (or at least don’t carry the dangers men do). He craves comfort— needs it really, because he doesn’t get it and his cortisol levels are always so high they’re poisoning his body. Women are the best source of that comfort for him.

It’s not that he likes them— at least, not any more than someone would like drinking water, or a coat in the winter. They’re fulfilling a survival need for him.

That is what the objectification is where SJ is concerned.

So… is it misogyny?

I’d say yes, in a way it still is. It’s not violent, and it doesn’t come from some inherent sense of “superiority as a man” but at the core of it all, he’s still not viewing women as people, and he has no interest in changing the status quo, because it benefits him to be able to go purchase comfort at a pleasure house, even if it’s not what people usually do there. The picture is bigger than just misogyny, but the traits taken as themselves are misogynistic nonetheless.

I could go into his specific relationships with women and how that informs his character, but this post is already long enough. We know that he mentally divides people by sex, and that distinction has a lot of weight in his judgment of them. Even if it comes from a place of trauma, even if it comes from a general worldview that applies to everyone, he still views women as a commodity— so on some level, and from an outside perspective, he is misogynistic.

In the end, though, it still all comes from him being stuck in survival mode. His lack of empathy, his viewing others as risks and benefits— these things themselves aren’t moral failings— it’s just a consequence of his environment. He’s a bad person because he won’t confront this, develop a moral code, and act on it, not because he doesn’t experience empathy.

But in his circumstance, there’s not really a chance for him to choose to be good. Because he’s still trying to survive, and goodness is a luxury he doesn’t realize he can afford now.

He’s scum, but pitiful, you know?

[yuri-is-online]

I kinda wanna hear more about Azul! Yutu if you are willing

Very. He is long overdue for a proper post. I'm going to skip over some of the stuff that happens while he is in the bad future as I am a big fan of what Archivist has been writing, and would encourage you to look at their posts (here, here, and here) They've been a huge inspiration for this ayuu and finally gave Yutu some friends! I am really really attached to them and their dynamics with the various Yutus and might have written some stuff where they hang out but didn't post it because idk if you folks would be interested...

notes: they/them used for Yuu, for context on the fyuuture kid au can be found here and here. You can find even more stuff for it on my masterlist under the series section.

Yuu started removing mirrors from the house when he was around nine. They did so slowly, and Yutu had been avoiding them for so long he barely notices when their gone. It's not like he was born hating himself, he remembers playing with Yuu in the garden hose or the bath tub and feeling... happy. But that was when he was a little kid, he's almost double digits now he shouldn't be feeling sick to his stomach about this. It feels hard to walk some days, like his balance is wrong and his body is made of the incorrect material. It isn't normal for a kid this young to hate his own bones because it is the bones isn't it? They're hard until their not hard enough and he's stuck in a cast for the summer. Yutu tries to be grateful it's on his arm and not his leg, but it doesn't keep his mind off of things. He feels unwhole every time he tries to walk, and he has no words to express what's missing other than to say he feels unsafe. And it's hard to say that when he knows there's no solution you can give him for what he's feeling. If you could cut off your own limbs to make him whole you would, but then that would leave him just as alone wouldn't it? The last cost Yutu wants to pay to fix himself is the life of parent who loves him.

But that's what the price ends up being. And as he lays there trying to scream only to be rejected by the air he'd spent so much time wasting as his body churns on the floor into the form he'd spent so much time dreaming of he has to wonder why he ever thought the outcome would be different. He should have known that he was never meant to be anything other than alone.

Yutu was a chunky baby, and for the first bit of his life no one minded that at all. He was so cute, Yuu had a bunch of pictures of their precious baby boy and even though there were questions about how he came to be those were sort of shoved to the side in favor of cooing over his cute nose and chubby cheeks. But the cooing turned to concern when he started having some problems reaching his developmental milestones; it took forever for him to learn how to walk, even when Yuu helped guide him through the motions it somehow just didn't seem to stick. Talking was difficult, he'd learned how easily enough but he just preferred not to, wanting to communicate through noises and looks instead. Yuu would try to calm their worries and focus on how he at least slept through the night, but they never did get a solid opinion on why Yutu was so slow to learn from any doctor they saw.

His slow development cause Yuu to really focus on going over his lessons with him at home, it fosters a love of learning in him that evolves as he grows. At first it's very innocent, his eyes are wide with childlike wonder at the world around him and his smile is as bright as his eyes. "Unfortunately" (because it's not truly unfortunate that his parent can still afford to feed him) he's still a chubby little boy, and one who is missing a parent so he's an easy target for his peers to isolate and tear into. He feels like a beached whale, or a dried up octopus, his self esteem is severely hurt as is his outlook on the world. Yuu feels like they are seeing a familiar sight when their child hiccups through recounting his day as they desperately try to hold back their anger and think of a way to deal with this logically.

"Your daddy went through this too." Yutu blows into the tissue you hold for him and tries to hide his surprise. He's always eager to learn about his father, you wish you could think of more to tell him but the words you're saying don't fully feel like you are thinking as you say them. It's like you are briefly being possessed by someone else, just that the "someone else" is... yourself from when you were whole. "He was really hurt by it, and he was one of the strongest people I knew. So it's ok if you need to cry about how you feel."

"I dooon't want to feel." He pushes his face up against your chest like he's a baby again trying to soothe his nightmare against yoru heartbeat and you squeeze him as tight as you can. "I want it to stop, can daddy tell me how to make it stop?" Your mind screams that however daddy handled it must have been bad, it turns to look at someone, you can just see the outline of him. He's handsome, well put together and he's... worried.

"I don't want them to be scared of everything; suspicious,̸̮͉͓͔͎̭̜̦̽̄̆̇̿̈́̍̉̽͌̍̕ͅͅ ̶̰̙͔̝͕̞͍̭͙͕̇͆͌̋̿̌͐̂̿͘̚͝y̷̨̪̳̳͉̮͚̅͗͗̽̔̂͐͌̽͠ę̶̩̣̤͚͎͔̯̖̭͐̃̏̓͐̾͐̓̎̇̅̊͐̕s̸͚̖͙̗̣̩̼͎̼͇̝͂̿̉̌͛̈͜ ̴͔̟̤̩̗̯̦̀͐̄̽̊͛͑͋͊͒̓̕͝b̵̧̧̡̰̪̫̤͔͚͕̝̠̹͈́̀̈́͌̄͋̔̿́̕͘ǘ̵̢̼͖̪̱͖̼̼͎̲͈͙͆̀̎͌̍̎̂͐͗̇͌̎̊̚ț̶̛͖̹͚̾̆̂͑̌̊̕ͅ ̴̢̛͇͙̱͇̝̺͇̗̫̘̥͛̀͊̅n̸̢̥͕͗̓e̴͙̹̹̘̮̫̦͐v̶̡̡̧̡̛͓̮̝̺̮̜̳̠̜̅͊̒̄̔͂̋͋͋̊̔̈́͆͘ë̷̟̳̲̰̗͉̬̘̘̣̳̼͙́̑͜ŗ̸̳̹̺͔̦͔̮̖̔͆̊̈́͆̈̔̊͠ ̶̧̢̩̺̗̗̲̠̬̰͇̣̦̈́͑͜͜p̶̱̗͔͔͌a̴̰͓̎͂̅̓̈̎͝r̶̯̰̪̟̾̾̓̂̈́͆̈̀̒̓̕͠ ̴͇̖͉̯̖̞͍͐́͊͛̐̂̐á̵̢͎̙͎́͝ ̸̨̙̞̙̩̮̺̦̻̗̭̩͉̱̠̐̓̿͘ń̷̡̡̡̧̨̪̜͕̠͐̄̉̐͝͠ő̸̥̹̣̙͛̏̏̃̋̍͝͠ḯ̶̢̛͍͔̯̤͊̈́̉̑̂̈̐͊̚̕ḋ̸̦̘̮͍̊͌͗̊̊̈̾̄͌ͅ��̜͈̙͉͖̭͚ ̵̛̛̠̫͙͎̘̣̘͕͗̒̈͒̓̅͊̔͘͝"

Yutu's silence brings you back to reality, he's mercifully fallen asleep against you and missed the aftershocks of your migraine. It's nothing new, but somehow this little scenario makes you feel that much more tired, and that much more alone.

I've mentioned it before but Yuu decides to enroll Yutu into martial arts classes as a way to help with his self confidence and the bullying. In my mind the end up doing it out of a worry that the bullying could get physical, and in the hopes that maybe Yutu will make friends with the kids in his class. It sort of works, Yuu enrolls them in a parent-child class and they certainly make some connections. Yutu finds some inner peace from the class, but his experiences at school make him very shy and keep him from truly opening up to the people around him. The friend groups he finds his way into never seem to fully accept him, a lot of it comes down to petty rivalries over sport and school. Yutu is smart sure, but he knows that no amount of talent makes up for hard work and he's a very hard worker. He's too proud to do something like throw a match or fail a test just for a little social acceptance, and not afraid to say as much.

That's not to say he doesn't want to be accepted, he does. He really deeply does he just doesn't think he could live if that acceptance was fake. Part of that, not that he ever tells Yuu this, is fueled by their descriptions of his father and of how much they loved him. If his dad was in the same position and found you then one day, he hopes, he'll find someone who accepts him too. And he'll make sure to stay alive and do all the little things with them they have ever wanted to do, no matter how out of his comfort zone or weird he finds them to be. Azul! Yutu is a bit of a hopeless romantic underneath his jock appearance, so he's one of the yutus that assumes his dad died in a tragic accident that left your memories in shambles. He's willing to fight people on that point, but Yuu made him promise not to and while he's fussy about listening to other people, he always listens to Yuu.

Which makes the trip between worlds that much harder on him. He might have been alone, but he wasn't exactly lonely. Not when he had a home to come back to and a parent who loved him, he could handle waiting for people who would accept him when he already had someone who did but now... It doesn't help that from his perspective he immediately does something stupid by getting put in Savanaclaw. Crewel already told him his dad was the dormleader of Octavinelle, that he was an exemplary student but not very... athletic so why would he be any different than anyone else. This isn't helped by the reception he gets from his dormmates. Yutu never starts fights, but he sure as hell finishes them and the amount of people left on the floor by the end of his first week makes everyone aware of that.

It earns him respect, and it would have immediately made him his first friend if he had been willing to take Sav at his word when he asked him to show him how he fought so well. Instead he insists on acting like Saitama and making the guy "prove" himself, something that Crewel watches from the sidelines with a weary expression. So his grandson wasn't lying, he really does take more after his dad than you.

He does not so much make other friends as they do make him theirs... two Heartslabyul students and an overly enthusiastic gamer from Ignihyde who sticks to him like a wet cloth and he hates the realization that he's worried about these guys. Sav, Thrush, Fiore, and... Mori. He loves these people. He hopes they never die, but everywhere he looks he sees omens. It hurts, he never knew he had three hearts or that he could fill them up with so much love that it wants to bleed out of him but he refuses to let it. He's learned that he's stronger than he ever thought possible, he'll squeeze a good outcome out of this, for you and for them it never had to be one or the other.

Traveling back in time and being separated from his friends terrifies him. Sav is always refusing to use his brain, what if he got lost because he decided not to read a sign somewhere? Fiore is a little shit and Thrush can't be assed to keep his brother in line what if they get thrown in jail and Yutu has to actively stop himself from thinking about Mori. The muscles in his chest go taut and he forgets to breathe until little black dots prick at his vision from all the ways things could go wrong for the self proclaimed "white mage of the FC party." The guy is just too much of a flight risk... he needs to fix this fast.

But does he? Having you alive again is like a dream, sure you're younger now and don't know him from a hole in the ground but he gets to see all of the memories he was so curious about. He's especially happy to have met Ace and Deuce, they remind him of his own Heartslabyul friends. His world feels a bit more full when he sits to eat a meal with you, guys who he guesses he'll probably end up calling Uncles at some point, and Grim. He's got mixed feelings about Grim, but the little guy really seems to like him now and it's funny to think about whether or not he's the older or younger brother. He's starting to remember what it's like to have a family again, speaking of which...

"Aww looks like you're a real dorm leader now ain't ya shrimpy?" Floyd's voice sounds fun, and it's all Yutu can do to keep from smiling. He instantly understands why Jade must have missed him so much, they looks alike but the difference in tempo is apparent from their stance and dress, and just looking at the younger version of his Uncle he can see how much more alive he feels.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance, Yutu was it?" Jade's smile suggests danger, he thinks the name is funny that's his guess. The glint in his eyes suggests he wants to tease, and Yutu prepares to make some comments of his own before he notices that his Uncle's attention is not on him but rather- "Floyd told us about your unexpected arrival," he has been avoiding this for so long he almost didn't see the familiar stranger next to Jade, the rest of his words are heard but not noted as he looks directly at his father for the first time. What a painful realization that is.

"Hey hey grouper, you ok?" Floyd's tone very much does not suggest worry but it brings him back to the present. Or would it be the past?

"Grouper? Might regret calling me that pool noodle. Yeah I'm fine, just surprised you came over here yourselves. I thought I was doing good keeping my nose where it belongs." Yutu swears Azul looks genuinely hurt for a second, but it disappears under his glasses and his patented grin.

"Well you certainty don't pull any punches do you?" If Yutu didn't know any better he'd assume his dad was... excited.

He is, he's very excited. Yuu is a kind hearted person and Azul loves them for it, but Yutu has some of that hater energy he knows he can work with. A second set of eyes on Yuu's world is just what Azul needs to win their ha- expand his business, so he keeps finding ways to talk to Yutu. He ends up learning a decent bit about him despite Yutu's best efforts: he's lying about his unique magic to catch people off guard when he uses it, he's not a muscle head nor does he take particular pride in his physique despite the intense amount of effort he puts into staying strong. It's interesting to watch the sort of things he likes to eat... sure a lot of it is healthy food but none of it is health food. That ends up being the first real conversation they have and it throws Yutu for a bit of a loop. It reminds him of that conversation he had with Yuu all those years ago when he was crying about being bullied. About how his dad gone through the same thing he did and suddenly his dad seems a bit more like a person and less like a shadow that's haunting him.

The way his dad looks at Yuu is breathtakingly soft. Azul is ambitious, talented, hardworking, and oh so desperate to impress that Yutu finds it hard to hear their doubts about the way he feels because he can see all of the signs clear as day about how Azul feels about Yuu. Uncle Jade's stories about how Azul was silly in his affections, the little ways he got excited when Yuu complimented him or how much of a show off he insisted on being around them are happening right in front of him and while he wonders about that little thing he always tried to avoid. The "could have been." Would his dad have agreed with Yuu's decision to enroll him in martial arts? Or would Azul have put him in a different school, would that even have been nessecary or would people be too afraid to make fun of his son? That promise Jade said Azul made to Yuu about never having to go hungry again... would he have kept it? Yutu never starved but he knows his parent did, what would Azul say if he knew? Would it break him? Would he even care?

These thoughts take a toll on Yutu. He can't keep pretending he isn't worried about his friends when he is trying to avoid thinking about his parent's relationship, and vise versa so he puts more effort into finding them. Thrush and Fiore are the easiest, they made their way to Craneport and established a base pretty quickly and are surprisingly not complete shits about him taking his sweet ass time to find them. Sav is though, the Scalding Sands is a long way away and getting him to Sage's Island proves to be tedious and expensive, of course he's going to complain and pick a fight when Yutu shows up again. He hates to admit it but it feels good to have his sparring partner back, it perks up his mood a tiny bit. But time beings to drag on with no signs of Mori, Yutu is getting more restless in his worries and clumsier in hiding where he's going. Sure he knows how to shake off a tailing eel, but an octopus? The only one he's ever known is himself.

Azul learns from his various contacts that Yutu has friends. He keeps his appearance under the hood, but his friend group is close and clearly working towards some sort of goal. None of the names he gets show up in any systems he has access to, Jade does his best to find a shred of evidence that these are people who exist and can't. It worries all three of the octotrio, this is a problem they need to get to the bottom of and fast. But before that can happen another one of those portals opens, this time outside Ramshackle Dorm while Azul is trying to spend some precious alone time with you. And the thing that comes out of it is terrifying.

The blot phantom is unlike anything Azul has ever seen, not in a textbook or in person. It's a misshapen mass of a person, clothing real but foul smelling and stained with ink.

"Use my phone to call the twins and get out of here as fast as you can." Azul doesn't like his chances alone, but he likes yours even less. You don't run, it brings just a bit of a smile to his face, but you still call Jade as Azul weaves ice around it's legs to try and keep it down. The monster howls squirming against the ice and screaming at him like he should understand what it's talking about. Azul tries to stare it down, tries to appear like he's a mage that belongs on the front lines and not a support. The best support but still, he's slow. Too slow to dodge the vine that whips out of the creature's back and speeds towards his heart but fast enough to catch the scream that tears from Yutu's throat.

"STAY AWAY FROM MY DAD YOU FUCKING PIECE OF TRASH!" Eight cosmic tentacles rip out of the ground and tear into the monster, Yutu's chest is heaving with the strain of bringing his full strength to bear as Azul pauses to collect himself. As Yutu finishes off the monster he goes over what he knows, looks at the boy in front of him and traces parts of himself in him and forgets his previous plans to expose him to Yuu as a fraud. When his child looks back at him, disguise knocked off and fear clear on his face the reason for the previous distance Yutu has been trying to maintain suddenly makes sense. Before Azul overblotted he was quiet. There's a similar quiet over him now, a similar look of tense surprise, but Yutu- no- his child doesn't know that. His child is looking at him in fear, in worry for his reaction or his safety he doesn't know but he knows the way those tears start to form. Azul knows the quiver of the lip and the shriek, of all the things he could have passed on to such a treasure.

"You deserved better from me." Because it's true. He might think of himself as a work in progress but he still thinks he has quality; he would have done research, read every book he could get his hands on, taken classes, anything he would need to do to be a good father, a worthy partner. Anything. "You deserved to have the world within your grasp, not whatever shadow of a future and a father I left you with. I am so sorry." He does not expect Yutu to grab him and hold him like he's still somehow worthy of his love, but Azul can't fight the urge to grab back, to stroke his son's hair and let the tears fall on his suit without any care at all. I'm here. It's ok, daddy's here, daddy's got you, he won't let anything happen to you.

Azul likes to make plans. He planned how he would confess to Yuu (it did not go as planned but he still planned it) and he has clear ideas about the future he wants to have with them. Yutu was already a part of it, he's dreamed of having somewhere safe and full of love to come home to since he realized what his feelings for Yuu were. So to see that dream come to life, to have it crying in his arms about how someone else corrupted it into a nightmare and stole what he'd worked so hard to earn- Oh Azul is a petty and vindictive little bitch once he has gotten his own tears out of his system. He's extremely proud of all the work Yutu has already done towards ending the bad future, and while he is disappointed that he didn't think to ask for his help he is understanding. If he was in Yutu's position he doesn't know how he'd react, but he could see himself making similar choices.

He insists on having a family dinner so he can get to know all of the real things about Yutu from him instead of just observing them. He wants the three (and a half since Grim's there too) of you to cook together and just talk before getting down to the sad business that's brought Yutu here. Some of it's instinct to feed his child, but mostly he wants to prove to his son that he's worthy of being his father. That you chose him out of everyone for a reason, something Yutu sort of knows already but he's wanted to have his father in his life for so long that he plays up his nerves just a little bit so he can be spoiled by him.

Azul's reach is long, and combined with the twins finding where Mori is should be much easier. What worries Azul is the bad future and the little information Yutu tells him about how it started. He's never had any real reason to doubt what he knows about overblots, or to distrust the Headmage, or to think Grim could kill him. But if the world ends the economy does too, and he is not about to die before he's achieved everything he's been dreaming of. His ambition is almost scary, but Yutu can't bring himself to be afraid. This version of his father is the nicest one he's seen yet, and if it means anything to anyone, he'd like to keep him just as much as Azul wants him too.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Little random, but you've answered asks about Disney Princess movies before a while ago.

What are your thoughts on Frozen and Anna and Elsa?

Thoughts on Frozen

People like it, but to me it's a thoroughly "ok" film. It's far from Disney's best, not one of the worst, but sort of middle of the road. The plot's a giant mess and was clearly subject to last minute revisions (Hans's sudden villainy comes across as so sudden that it fails to make the point it was trying to make. It wasn't necessary, as the point Elsa makes isn't invalidated even if he wasn't evil and Anna still could have dropped him at the end. And we just get this "YOU FOOL, DIDN'T YOU KNOW I WAS THE MUSTACHE TWIRLING VILLAIN ALL ALONG?!" To which I can only say, "No, Hans, I didn't know that, kind of makes that scene where you left the castle to look for Anna personally very pointless. Nobody would have questioned you, dude." It makes a lot more sense when you consider Elsa was supposed to be the antagonist/misguided in initial drafts and the then desperate need for somebody to be the bad guy.)

Tangled, by comparison, is a much more put together film and in my opinion is much better, but it didn't have a hit song sung by Idina or Anna's adorable nerdiness and Elsa's general angst.

So Frozen gets to be the beloved film for over ten years on, rejuvenating the Disney brand for another generation, and I just have to sit there and take it.

(Perhaps a hot take, I'm not tuned in enough to know, but I thought Frozen 2 was much better as a film in general, much more put together/hard hitting, though it had far less memorable music/the big numbers just weren't as good. It's also a lot more hard-hitting, with none of the comedy and very little of the narrative of empowerment.)

Anna and Elsa

I do like these two and they're very believable characters who do go through character development that feels very real.

In Anna we have an isolated, awkward, young adult who is convinced that 'love' will save her, doesn't know where she stands with what was once a beloved older sister, and when she fucks things up tries to fix it without really addressing the issues she had in the first place until the very end of the movie.

She's fun, she's relatable, if short-sighted and naive, and it's clear that she does have to learn something from her adventure, and that she really didn't understand her sister and what she was going through.

In Elsa, we have someone who has been under immense pressure her entire life while also knowing that she has this terrible secret which means she will never live up to what she has to be to rule a nation. She ends up isolated from her younger sister out of terror of hurting her, which damages their relationship, and she too has growth where when we first meet her in the film, she sees coronation as only a one-day event she has to simply get over with as quickly as possible.

She's also a very relatable character, her struggle is something that speaks to a lot of people and has been iconic for over a decade for a reason, and she's refreshing in that her problems despite being a female lead have nothing to do with men and a man never enters the picture for her.

Even her moment of "WHEEEEEEEE I'M FREEE!" to Anna arriving and "NOOOOOOOOOO! ALL MY ACTIONS HAD TERRIBLE CONSEQUENCES!" is a great one as Elsa is only then really forced to confront both herself, her loved ones, and finally accept who she is by the end of the film.

TL;DR

Basically, I like both characters and I think people really like them for a reason.

But I do think the movie's a hot mess.

[therealcocoshady]

Recovery - Chapter 12

Eminem x FemReader (Y/N) fanfiction

Summary : Reader explains the origin of the nude pictures and Em decides to take action to prevent them from leaking.

Tags : Angst, Comfort, Fluff, Smut

CW : Argument - Mention of domestic violence - Mention of nudity - Sexual intercourse - Mention of drugs and overdose

Three years ago, you were just starting out your relationship with Simon. The two of you had been beating around the bush for a while and he had finally asked you out, right when you thought you were stuck in the friendzone forever. However, as time went on, things had not progressed the way you hoped they would. The dates he took you on were always nice and you had fun getting to know each other on a more personal level. You could even go as far as to say that some of these dates were extremely romantic. But after nearly five months of dating, you had not gotten past kissing and a bit of mild foreplay. Eventually, you’d grown tired of it and started to wonder if there was something wrong with you. Maybe he wasn’t attracted to you that way, or maybe you weren’t pretty enough. Or maybe you hadn’t been sending the right signals ? Either way, part of you wanted to send the message that you were ready to take things further, on a physical level. That is when Cassie suggested that you send him a few suggestive photos. She presented the idea in such a way that it actually sounded good, even though it was slightly out of character for you. She wasted no time and even took you shopping for some nice lingerie. You went back to your dorm room where you set up your camera and snapped shots in the different sets you had bought before sending them to your friend so that she could tell you which one you should send to Simon. Eventually, though, you decided against sending the pictures, going so far as to delete them. This proved to be a good decision. It turned out that Simon was attracted to you - more than you thought - but wanted to plan the perfect evening and make it romantic. Plus, you’d come to learn that he thought really poorly of girls who took this type of suggestive pictures anyway. If anything, you sending him those pictures would have ruined your chances with him. You never mentioned the shots to him and even came to forget about them. Until they showed up in Paul Rosenberg’s inbox, that is. 

When he showed them to you, you were in complete shock, taken aback. You didn’t even remember taking these pictures in the first place. With the events of the last few months, your memory wasn’t the sharpest either, so it took a while for you to actually remember taking them and in what circumstances. But now it was clear as day : Cassie hadn’t actually deleted the pictures as you had directed her to. It was the only reasonable explanation. 

Oh God, you whispered as you put the pieces together. 

What ? Marshall asked. 

I took these pictures when I was with my ex, you started to explain. 

And that motherfucker leaked them ?! He started to yell. 

He would never, you said. But that’s besides the point. I never actually sent them to him. Didn’t have the guts. I deleted them and thought they didn’t exist anymore. But I had sent them to Cassie. 

Cassie ? He asked. I mean, I know there’s some drama with her, and that she said some unkind things, but are you sure she would leak some intimate pictures of yours ? 

That’s the thing, you said. I’m pretty sure she sees me as the opposite now. Talia paid her a visit and… apparently, things escalated. 

Yeah, I know that… she was going to talk to her, he said. But how bad could it have been ? 

They pretty much beat each other up… 

Shit, he said in an annoyed voice. 

You shrugged. The more you thought about it, the more it made sense. You looked at Paul. 

So… In your opinion, what do you think I should do ? You asked. 

As I said, a procedure could take weeks, months even. But if he is to be believed, we only have a few days, he explained. I’m afraid you can’t do much. It’s a double-edged sword, really. If you were to confront her, this might prompt her to leak them. 

I’m scared she’ll leak them anyway, you said. I mean… It doesn’t make much sense for her to send them to someone she doesn’t know just so that they’d have leverage over Marshall over some stupid diss-track, does it ? 

You bit your lip. Your heart was starting to pound again. The idea that anyone else might come across these pictures made you sick. Marshall grabbed your hand. 

I’ll take care of it, he said reassuringly. 

But there’s nothing you can do, now, can you ? You asked nervously. 

I’m not letting anyone get to you like this, he said firmly. Now, stop biting that lip and go hang out with the guys. I need to talk to Paul for a second. 

I can’t face them, you said sheepishly. 

Just for a minute, alright ? Then I’ll let you settle in the office so that you can work in peace, he offered. 

You nodded and went to the lounge where you found the others talking. As soon as they saw you, they went completely silent. 

Hey Y/N, Porter said. How are you doing ? 

I’m good, you lied through your teeth. 

You look lovely, Royce said. 

Guys… I know you know. Please don’t pity me, you said with a sad smile. 

No one’s pitying you, sis’, Jamal said. 

If anything, we’re ready to kick some ass, Royce added. Seriously, what do you need ? 

A Time Machine, you sighed. 

Don’t worry, Porter said. We’re going to destroy that son of a bitch. 

You smiled softly and made your way to the kitchen. You were depressed and wished there was something you could do. You couldn’t believe Cassie could do this to you. When you confronted her, you were mad, but you figured that the two of you would remain friends and get over it eventually. You thought you just needed time to forgive her. Surely, she couldn’t be mad at you for simply leaving her hotel room after an argument ? That didn’t make sense. Or maybe you were delusional and her altercation with Talia was biggen than you thought. 

You let your tears flow silently as you made yourself a cup of tea. A few moments later, Marshall came to see you. 

Hey beautiful, he said as he pulled you in for a hug. The office is ready for you. How about you take it easy today ? I could order some food for you, you could take a nap… 

Mmmh, you simply said. 

I’m so sorry, he said. 

You shrugged, not saying anything. He kept his arms around you, even though you were not really responsive. 

Really, Y/N, if I had known it would happen, I…, he began. 

But you did nothing wrong, Marshall, you sighed. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. If I hadn’t gotten wasted, we wouldn’t have been spotted together and he wouldn’t have dropped that diss. I’m sorry. 

It’s… What’s done is done, ok ? He said softly. He probably would have dropped a diss anyway. I mean, he came for a bunch of other rappers. So none of it is your fault. 

He gently took your hand and led you to the office where you ended up spending the day working. Every so often, you couldn’t help but check your Instagram, which was blowing up. Even though you didn’t post anything nor interact, people kept on commenting on your pictures and DMing you. Eventually, you decided to change your profile to private. When you were ready to go home, you went to search for Jamal. In the hallway, you found Marshall and Talia, talking casually, a far cry from their last interaction. 

Hey baby, she said softly. 

Hey, you replied. I didn’t know you were here. 

Just arrived, she explained. I came to pick you up, actually. Let’s go home, ok ? 

Oh, I think Jamal was about to leave anyway, you said. But I’m glad to see you ! 

Jamal is staying here for a bit, Marshall explained. I need him to work on the beat for… You know. 

Are you really going to reply ? You  asked. I thought you didn’t want to. 

Insults are one thing, he replied. This is going too far. I’m taking care of it. 

You looked at him anxiously but he gave you a soft smile. 

So… Are you guys… Alright ? You asked him and Talia, referring to their altercation from the other day. 

Oh, that… Yeah, of course, Talia said. 

Something in her tone seemed a bit uneasy, but you were tired and figured it was just your brain playing games with you. You hugged everyone goodbye and went home with Talia. The two of you spent the evening playing board games in order to help you clear your mind. You were about to go to bed when someone rang the doorbell. When you went to open the door, you found Simon standing there, a bouquet of peonies in hand. 

Hey, Y/N, he said.

Simon ?! You asked in disbelief. What are you doing here ? 

Look, I debated coming here at all, but I needed to see you, he replied. I’ve been thinking about you a lot these past few days and… I think I made the biggest mistake in my life when I left you. Can we… talk ? 

Uh… Sure, you said. 

You closed the door and went to the garden with him, sitting on the bench. 

These are for you, he said as he handed you the bouquet. I know these are your favorites. 

Thank you, you said softly. 

It was weird that your ex was giving you flowers, but you were touched by the gesture. He remembered they were your favorites. Plus, after the day you had, it was more than welcome. 

So… You wanted to talk ? You asked as you put the flowers aside. 

Yes, he said. I have been an ass, I know it. I should have acted better. What I did was… unforgivable, really. 

Thank you, you said. 

I was hoping that, maybe, we could… Start seeing each other again ? 

What about Sarah ? You asked. I thought she made you happy. 

She did. She is great. But she is not you, he explained. The last few months of our relationship were hard but I’ve come to realize that… At the end of the day, you are the woman I promised to marry and have kids with. I can’t get over that. I’m not asking you to move back in, yet. I understand that we’re going to need time, but… I want you back, Y/N. I was serious when I said I wanted to have a family with you. I want to care for you. 

Oh Simon, you squealed. I am not in the right headspace, right now… 

Is it about him ? He asked. That Eminem guy ? Are you really seeing him ? 

No, it’s not, you assured him. And his name is Marshall. 

You can’t be with a guy like that, he said. 

A guy like what ?  You asked. 

Y/N, he is… a rapper. These guys are dangerous. I mean, he is clearly a thug. 

You let out a small laugh. You had come to forget that Simon had quite a disdain for hip-hop and rap. He was very similar to your father this way. To him, it didn’t qualify as “proper music”. You had never given it much thought before, but now, it made him seem like a total snob. The people you hung out with, they were far from being thugs. 

He is not a thug, you said. He is great. And I owe him a lot. 

Is it about the money ? He asked. 

What the hell is that question ?!  You asked back, clearly offended. Simon, you know me. I’m not… I’m not after money. I couldn’t care less about that ! 

Then what reason do you have to be with him ? Guys like that… They’re dangerous, he said with concern. 

You haven’t met him, Simon. He is the least dangerous person I know, you said. 

You don’t have to defend him, Y/N, he replied. 

No, you don’t understand… 

What good can he be for you ? He asked. I heard about the song that mentions you. And the threats to post pictures of you. If you were with me, you wouldn’t have to deal with that. 

That’s not his fault, you sighed at the unfairness. 

I don’t want to see you get hurt, Y/N… You know he beats up women, right ?! 

You… What ?! You exclaimed. Simon, this is ridiculous. I know him, alright ? He wouldn’t hurt a fly. I know he has a reputation but it is nothing more than a persona, some tasteless jokes at worst. If you listened to his music, or if you knew him, you’d know. 

He admitted to it, he said. I… When I saw you with him, I had to look into him, you know ? Just to make sure that you’re safe. And… Who in his right mind talks about killing his baby’s mother in a song ?! That’s not the kind of man you want to be associated with. 

You sighed and looked at him. In truth, you hadn’t caught up with Marshall’s work so you had no idea what the hell Simon was referring to. But you knew Marshall enough to know that he was the least violent person on earth. The man you hung out with, that you befriended, was a gentleman and he would never hurt a woman. 

You don’t know him, you simply said. I do. I know what he is made of, and he is not like this. He is one of the most important people in my life right now, and I won’t have you talk about him this way. 

No, you don’t understand, Y/N, he repeated. This man is not good for you. He will never love you like I do. 

He has my back and I have his. And he has shown me more love than you have in the past five months, you pointed out. For someone who loves me, you were nowhere to be found. 

Yeah but when I saw you with him, I… 

So that’s what it is about, you huffed. You just don’t want to see me with another man. That’s not love, Simon. That’s… territorial. You know, weeks ago, I would have given anything for you to knock on my door with peonies. I would have given anything for you to tell me you love me and that you want me back. But it is worthless if it comes from a place of jealousy and possessivity. I’d rather be alone. 

He stared at you, looking sorry. 

So it’s him instead of me ? He asked. 

It’s me instead of anyone else, Simon. I am growing, I am changing and, believe me, I am not in the right headspace right now, you said. But if I have to put it this way… Yes, it’s him instead of you. I will have his back any day. 

Don’t come crying when he hurts you, he simply said. You may have his back, but this type of man will always put himself first. Not you. No matter how you deserve it. He doesn’t have your back. Not even a little bit. 

I think you should go, Simon, you said softly. Thanks for the bouquet, though. And for what it’s worth… I am sorry I said some unkind things last time you came. I wish for you to be happy. But it won’t be with me. 

He stared at the ground while you got up and wished him good night. You went back in the house and put the flowers in a vase before going to bed. 

When you woke up the next morning, you heard Talia and Jamal arguing in the kitchen. 

Can’t you grab her phone and delete the apps so that she doesn’t see that thing ? Jamal asked. 

She’s not stupid, Jamal, Talia argued. I think she deserves to know. If it were me, I would want to. 

I can’t take her to the studio today, he said. Not like this. 

You know full well we can't leave her alone in here, she said. Especially not if she sees… Who knows what she would do… 

You finally entered the room, interrogation all over your face. 

Shit, Jamal mumbled. 

Hey baby, Talia said. How are you ? 

You tell me, you sighed. 

So… You heard us ? Jamal asked carefully. 

You shrugged. 

What’s that about ? You asked as you grabbed a glass of juice. Shouldn’t you be at work already, Tay ? 

Yeah, I’m running a little late, she said in an annoyed voice. Look… A couple things happened. And I don’t know how to break it to you. We have… News. Good and less good. 

About what ? You asked. 

There’s a couple of things, Jamal said. First… We found a connection between Cassie and the rapper.  Talia did, actually. That explains a few things. 

Huh ? You asked. They know each other ? 

The guy’s her cousin, Talia explained. 

Are you sure ? 

Yeah, she said. It hit me yesterday. When we were in the early days of college, she kept on bragging about how her cousin from New York was a rapper and how he was going to make it big and work with… Whoever. I did a bit of research and it turns out… It’s him. 

That explains a few things, I guess, you sighed. Is there… Something else ? Like, bad news ? 

Look, honey, Talia said softly as she grabbed the glass of juice from your hands. Maybe you should sit for a second ? 

She pulled a chair for you and you sat, staring at them. It felt as if they were about to tell you that someone had died. 

Now, I know this sucks, but I want you to remember that, whatever happens, we are here for you, ok ? She said. 

Just spill it, you said. 

Well, the thing is… Hum… How do I put this… 

One of the pictures leaked already, Jamal said. 

Your jaw was on the floor. You wanted to scream but were unable to. 

A picture… of… me ? You asked. Of me naked ? It… It is on the Internet ?! 

It’s not that bad, Talia said immediately. It could be worse, really… 

No, Tay, you have no idea, you said. I have seen the pictures they plan on leaking. It’s bad. 

I know. I haven’t but this one is ok, I guess, she replied. I mean… Some of my bikini pics aren’t that modest. 

She pulled her phone and showed you the picture that was published on Twitter, on the rapper’s account. It was you, wearing a black lace bodysuit. You were laying in your bed, looking ingenuous, the black lingerie contrasting with the white bedsheets. In all fairness, it wasn’t as bad as a lot of pictures you could see on Instagram and other social media. Definitely more modest than some. Still, having this picture put out for the world to see without your consent was humiliating. It also made you scared, as you knew that this picture was the most modest of the whole set. The rest of them were clearly more suggestive. The reception was mixed. Some followers of the rapper didn’t shy away from commenting on your body (for better or for worse), mentioning how embarrassing it must be for Em to be with such a slut. Some people, however, expressed support for you and mentioned what a low blow it was to drag someone’s innocent partner in a feud. A few even encouraged others to report the pictures. Still, you were embarrassed. You buried your face in your hands.

Oh my God, you whispered. It’s happening. 

There has to be something we can do, Talia said. 

You need to take me to the studio right now, you told Jamal. I need to see Paul about this. 

He simply nodded and you rushed upstairs to get ready. When you got to the studio, it was earlier than usual. Jamal stayed outside to smoke a cigarette while you got in, searching for Paul. As soon as you entered the building, you heard loud voices in the kitchen. It was Marshall arguing with Paul. 

I’m just saying that it may be a better idea to distance yourself from her, Paul said. If you put out the track, it’s going to seem like the guy’s got you by the balls. Not to mention that it would mean you’d confirm the relationship. 

I don’t care about that, Marshall groaned. You’ve seen the pictures, right ?! I can’t let it happen. Y/N is going to be crushed. I can’t do this to her. 

Look, I hate to say it but… at that point, the guy may be winning anyway. If you don’t reply, he might leak the pictures, but if you do, it proves he’s got the upper hand, Paul said. At least, if you don’t publicly come out, you can keep your dignity. You can even deny the relationship later on. 

Shut up, Marshall said. I’m not doing this. If we don’t do something, her pictures are going to be out there for everyone to see. You’ve seen these, right ? How would you feel if it were your wife’s pictures ? Or your daughter’s, or your niece’s…? 

Marshall… Y/N made her bed. She willingly took these photos and she was careless with them. My job is not to let that hurt you, your career or your reputation, Paul replied. I couldn’t care less about her tits or her pussy being out there. 

You better shut the fuck up ! Marshall yelled. Last time I checked, I hired you and I’m your boss. So you better stick to the plan and do your job. You handle legal, I handle music. Understood ?! And I won’t have you shame Y/N. 

Paul sighed and they got out of the kitchen, only to find you standing in the hallway. Paul greeted you curtly before going to his own office, as Marshall came to hug you. 

Hey, he said. Didn’t hear you come in. 

I got here a few minutes ago, you simply said. 

Shit… Did you… Hear us ? He asked, embarrassed. 

I did, you sighed. Paul… 

Paul’s an ass, he simply said. But we’re handling it, alright ? That dickhead is going down. In every way possible. 

Marshall… The first picture was leaked, you said. 

I know, he replied. But this might actually give us leverage. Now we have proof he is ready to make good on his threat. I won’t let anything happen to you. You know that, right ? I’m going to destroy that son of a bitch.

You have my back, you squeed as you were reminded of your latest exchange with Simon. 

Of course. You know I do, he said with a smile. 

Suddenly, you were overwhelmed with emotion, adoration and gratitude. This man was really coming through for you. Without a second thought, you pressed your lips to his, brushing them gently. You hummed softly as you broke the embrace. 

Oh my god, I’m sorry…, You whispered.

Come back here, he whispered back with a grin. 

He pulled you closer as he captured your lips with his. The kiss was soft and sweet. You could feel the warmth of his lips against yours. You put a hand on the back of his neck as he gently grabbed your waist. Your chest was soon pressed against his, as the both of you leaned into the embrace. You put all the emotions of the last week into this kiss. It was the relief you didn’t know you needed. However, the moment was interrupted by the front door opening. He gently let go of you before anyone walked in. 

I better go. Tons of things to do for that diss track. But I’ll definitely come to get some more of this when I’m done, he hummed as he gave you a soft peck on the lips. 

You nodded shyly and the both of you went about your day. You settled in his office, a bit giddy over the kiss. You hadn’t planned on kissing him, it was a spur of the moment thing, but you were glad he kissed you back. In the afternoon, Paul came to see you. 

Y/N. Do you have a minute ? He asked. 

Sure, you replied politely. 

So, seeing as the first picture was leaked, we will be able to press charges, he said. I have already gathered pieces of evidence and we are ready to send the rapper a cease and desist letter. A police officer will come in a short while to take a statement from you. 

Alright. What about Cassie ? You asked. She might as well decide to leak them on her own, though. 

Well, that’s another story, he sighed. I don’t doubt you but, simply speaking, we don’t have proof she is the one who gave him the pictures. We can’t really do much about this girl, except for hoping she doesn’t have a mass platform to leak the pictures. 

Well, she has about… 15K followers, I think ? You said. 

So it’s less significant than the millions of followers that dude has, he pointed out. 

Yeah but people will still massively share the pictures if they leak, you replied. 

I know, he said. But I can’t do much more. I’m sorry. 

She’s the rapper’s cousin, you added. 

I know. 

Isn’t that sufficient proof ? You asked tentatively. 

That’s not how it works, Y/N. But maybe I could do something if you could provide me with the email or messages in which you sent the pics ? Or if you have a text that proves that you asked her to delete them at some point ? He asked. 

It was three years ago, Paul. I… I don’t have these anymore. 

I’m sorry. Then I’m afraid I can’t do much.  

Thank you anyway, you sighed. I know it’s not in your job description. And that you “couldn’t care less about my tits or my pussy being out there”. But I appreciate it. 

He nodded politely and left the office. An hour later, two police officers came in to take your statement. You were definitely ashamed, especially since one of them, a man in his early sixties, couldn’t help but comment on how foolish you had to be to take nude pictures. Yet, you could clearly notice he stared at your body. You knew he had seen the photos. Was this how it was going to be ? Would all of your interactions be this awkward from now on ? Shortly after they left, Marshall came to see you.

How did it go ? He asked. 

Well they took my statement, you said. So I think that’s what matters. Would’ve been nice if the guy had stared into my eyes instead of my tits, though… 

Fucker, he sighed. 

How about you ? You asked. How is work going ? 

Just finished recording, he said with a smile. The guys are going to work on some arrangements and then, all I’ll have to do is post it at the right time. 

Ok, you said softly. 

Want to come hang out with us ? He offered. You’ve been here since morning, you haven’t even eaten. 

Well, believe it or not, having strangers comment on your body doesn’t really encourage you to eat a lot, you said sheepishly. Apparently my thighs are too fat, or something like that… 

Bullshit, he scoffed. You’re just too hot to handle for the haters. 

He stroked your cheek and gently took your hand. 

Come on, he said. I think the guys miss you. 

Do they ? You mused. 

Of course, he chuckled. We love having you around. 

Sorry, you said. I’m not the best company lately… 

That’s understandable, he said as he placed a strand of hair behind your ear. 

You shrugged and started to walk towards the door but he pulled you in for a kiss. He was holding you gently yet firmly, both hands on your waist. You traced his shoulders as you kissed him back. 

I was looking forward to this, he whispered with a smile that made you blush.

He stroked your cheek and let go of you before the two of you went and joined the others. They were, indeed, happy to see you and were excited to let you hear the first version of the track they recorded. It was really good, especially considering how little time they’d had to work on it. You liked everything about it, from the beats to the lyrics. 

What do you think ? Royce asked.

It’s really good, you said. By the way, how do you know who… “wins” ? 

It basically comes down to the puns and bars, Porter explained. In some cases, it’s kind of a tie, but here, it’s going to be obvious to everyone. 

Speaking of bars… Was the mention of my black lingerie really necessary, guys ? You asked. 

Em, you’re on your own on this one, Royce said with a grin before they all got up to go and smoke a cigarette. 

Marshall nervously scratched the back of his neck. 

I mean… It sort of rhymed with the whole thing, he said. But if it’s too much, I can totally change it. 

Mmmh, you said. I don’t know. I mean, Paul was right. If you do that, you’re basically confirming the rumors… You do refer to me as your “girl”... 

It’s me having your back, he shrugged. Plus, it’s a line. Nothing more, you know ? I made sure not to put the focus on you. In the track, I also refer to Kim as my wife, so… But again, if you don’t like it, I can come up with something else. 

No, no, it’s fine, you said. You’re the lyricist.  I think I’m just embarrassed about this whole situation, you know ?

Don’t be, he said. I know the whole thing is unnerving right now, but we’re ending the guy as soon as this drops. Along with other surprises. 

Meaning ? 

You’ll see, he grinned. I don’t want to jinx it. But if everything goes according to plan, this guy will be OVER. I can guarantee you.

When is the track dropping ? You asked. 

Sunday night. 

It seems so far away, you sighed. I don’t mean to rush anything, and I appreciate you coming through for me, I do… But I am scared that he’s going to pull something else until then, you know ? 

Oh, believe me, he’ll be busy, he said with a smirk. 

And he was right. For the next two days, nothing else happened on social media. Your picture was still very much online and the whole story was picked on by a few news outlets, but at least, no more pictures leaked. On Sunday night, Jamal and Talia invited Marshall for dinner, to celebrate your first week of being sober again. 

I have something for you, he said with a smile when he greeted you. 

Do you ? You asked with a grin. You know you’ve done enough for me lately, don’t you ? 

I know, but a deal’s a deal, he said. Happy one week of sobriety, Y/N. 

He handed you a bag that looked unassuming from the outside. When you peeked inside, you let out a little shrieking noise. It was his Saint Laurent jacket. 

Oh my God, you’re the best ! You said as you hugged him. You were feeling like a child on Christmas Day. 

You’re welcome, he said with a laugh. Take care of it, alright ? It’s one of my favorites. 

For how long do I have custody of that glorious piece for ? 

Is a month alright ? I have a photoshoot planned, he said. I’d like to wear it. 

Deal, you chuckled. Thank you thank you thank you !!! 

Talia and Jamal were looking at you with amused looks on their faces. 

What’s that about ? Jamal asked. 

Y/N’s been eyeing my jacket for a while, he shrugged. We actually have a deal : for each sobriety milestone, she gets to raid my closet. 

That’s going to help rumors, Jamal pointed out sternly. 

We’re in Detroit, Marshall said. There’s no paparazzi here. Besides, I don’t think the track is going to help matters. I don’t really care, to be honest. But yeah, maybe don’t take pictures in my clothes, Y/N. 

That’s fine, you said with a smile. We don’t want the world to see that I wear them better anyway, now, do we ? 

Speaking of your clothes, Em, I think I washed some of them the other day, Talia said. 

Oh, yeah, you said. The clothes you let me borrow last time. They’re in my room. I’ll go and get them. That way, I can put this beauty in my closet. 

I’ll come with you, Marshall replied. 

The two of you went upstairs. As soon as you entered your room, Marshall closed the door and pulled you in for a kiss, taking you by surprise. 

Sorry, he chuckled. Had to say hello properly. 

Hey there, you giggled. I like this. 

Me too, he chuckled. 

You put the jacket in your closet and gave him the clothes he had let you borrow the last time you were at his place, along with the merch tee-shirt. 

Thanks for the clothes, you said softly. 

I must admit I like you in my stuff, he said. You make it really sexy, you know ? 

Do I ? You mused as you blushed. 

Absolutely. And if it were just the two of us here… I would gladly show you how sexy I think you are today, he whispered in your ear. 

His words had you turning crimson red. That was new. In the past, he had made a point to remind you that nothing was to happen between the two of you. Yet, he had returned your kiss two days ago when you kissed him, and he seemed pretty intent on doing it again, not that you had anything against it, on the contrary. However, this left you with a lot of questions. Unfortunately though, you were too much of a coward to ask them. 

Are you alright there ? He asked. 

Yes, you said shyly. I… Would like that, actually. 

Good to know, he said as he kissed you again.

As the kiss deepened, you wrapped your arms around his neck while he gently squeezed your ass. 

You drive me crazy, he whispered in your ear. You’re irresistible. 

Is that so ? You grinned. 

You have no fucking idea what you do to me, Y/N, he groaned.

Tell me, you whispered in between kisses. 

I’ll show you, he grinned as he pulled you closer to him, making sure you could feel how hard he was. 

I want you, you whimpered. 

Not yet, he whispered in your ear. We’ll go for a drive after dinner, ok ? 

You reluctantly let go of him. His words were promising and you weren’t too sure how you could be expected to wait. He winked at you and you both made your way downstairs and got settled for dinner. Marshall was constantly checking his phone, which was a bit unusual for him. After what seemed to be the thousandth time, he let out a victory smile. 

Guys… This motherfucker is officially done, he declared proudly. 

Dropped the track yet ? Jamal asked between bites or dessert. 

Better. I got his label to drop him. And a promise from a bunch of others not to sign him, he said with a grin. 

You didn’t ?! Talia exclaimed. 

Oh, I definitely did, Marshall said. Track is dropping later tonight, and he already received a small surprise today. 

You really went all out, you said. 

Had to put this motherfucker back in his place, he shrugged. I’m sick of bastards coming for the people in my life. And this one was way out of line. 

Dinner came to an end and Marshall convinced Talia to let you go with him for a drive. She lectured him and made him promise to bring you home before midnight but let you go eventually, as a present for remaining sober for a week. He drove you to the exact same spot you went to when you took the Aston Martin for a drive. As soon as the car was parked, he was all over you. You ended up in the backseat of the Escalade, making out while exploring each other’s body. 

You’re so beautiful, he whispered in your ear. 

I want you, you whimpered. 

So soon ? He chuckled. 

Please. 

Anything for you, baby, he said as he kissed you. 

The pet name made you giggle, but you soon let out a moan as he sucked on your neck while helping you undress. The sensation of his hands against your skin was delicious and you couldn’t get enough. Every inch of your body was craving for his touch and he seemed happy to oblige. You helped him undress as well and he kissed you hungrily before putting on a condom. He had you lay down in the backseat and looked in your eyes as he positioned himself at your entrance. 

I want you so bad, he said. 

Show me, then, you teased. 

Before you knew it, he was inside of you, causing you to gasp at how big he felt.

You feel so good, he groaned. 

You feel so good. 

He grinned and started rocking his hips. Your nails were scratching his back while his fingers were digging in your waist. His mouth found your neck again and he let out a chuckle as he found out how easy it was to reduce you to a moaning mess by simply sucking on that sweet spot. 

You like that, baby ? 

Yes, you whined. Yes, yes, yes …

I could mark you up, you know, he whispered. That way, everyone would know you’re mine… 

I want to be yours, you whimpered. 

This prompted him to pick up the pace and, soon enough, he was slamming into you. You had to prevent yourself from making too much noise and started biting his shoulder. 

Oh my god, you moaned. I think I’m going to come. 

You think ? He teased as he thrusted even deeper. Or are you sure ? 

I’m sure. Oh God, you cried as you dug your nails deeper into his skin. 

I’m not done with you yet, he chuckled before getting out. 

The sensation of hollowness was almost painful. You were desperate for him, longing to feel him again. 

Get on top, he ordered as he proceeded to sit. 

You did as he said and straddled, whimpering as he entered you again. 

Take all of it, he whispered.

It’s too much, you whined. 

You can do it, he said softly. You’re doing so good. 

He gently teased your nipples with his hands and mouth as you were slowly grinding on him. He moaned as your movements became more frantic. The position allowed you to feel all of him and it soon became overwhelming, your thighs starting to become sore. You groaned in frustration. 

Don’t slow down, he ordered. Keep going, baby. I’m so close… 

I can’t, you whispered. Help me, please. 

I got you. 

He firmly grabbed your ass and started pumping. He was thrusting hard as you let your head fall back. After a moment, you found it in yourself to go again and your hips moved in sync. The sensations were exquisite and you felt closer than ever to your climax. 

Oh God, you moaned. 

Come for me, baby, he said gently. 

But… you ? You cried. 

I’m right there, he moaned. 

You were euphoric as you felt waves of pleasure washing over the two of you. You could feel him twitch inside of you as he came and you couldn’t contain your own juices from spilling. 

Oh shit, you said as you collapsed on top of him. 

He chuckled before closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around your body. You could feel both of your hearts pounding, as you were chest to chest, and his breath in your neck. You were shuddering. 

You’re incredible, he whispered in your ear. 

You’re amazing, you said, still in a haze. 

Here, take this, he said as he grabbed his jacket and placed it over your shoulder so that you wouldn’t be cold. 

You stayed in this position for a while, neither of you really wanting to move. You nuzzled his neck as he played with your hair and stroked your back. You were about to fall asleep when he gently shook your shoulder. 

Hey, beautiful, he said. Let’s get dressed. Otherwise we’re both going to fall asleep. 

We can sleep here, you shrugged. I don’t care. 

Talia will kill us if I bring you home one minute late, he pointed out. 

Mmmmh, you groaned before burying your face deeper in his neck. 

Come on, he chuckled. 

You unenthusiastically got off him. He kissed you gently before grabbing some tissues for the both of you to get cleaned up. You got dressed and he disposed of the tissues and condom before getting back in the driver’s seat. He was groaning when you sat back in the passenger seat next to him. 

Next time, we’re doing this in bed, he chuckled. My back is killing me. 

Next time ? You couldn’t help but ask. 

He turned to you and smiled softly. 

Well, yeah, he said. Unless you don’t want to ? 

Oh, no, I want to ! You said. It’s just… I thought that you… didn’t ? 

I know, he said as he scratched his beard. I said a bunch of stuff, but… There’s just something about the way you draw me in. You drive me absolutely crazy, Y/N. There’s something between the two of us and I just can’t deny it’s there, you know ? When you kissed me the other day, something sort of shifted, it was… it felt kind of right, you know what I’m saying ? 

You nodded shyly. It was exactly how you felt, and him saying he felt the same  was a relief.  

I care about you, he continued. I think you’re absolutely incredible and I really like our relationship. And I also really enjoy kissing you and the naughtier stuff, too. So… I guess what I'm really saying is that, if you’re up for it, maybe we could… Hang out a little more ? 

He sounded almost shy and it was the most adorable thing ever. 

I’d like that very much, you said with a smile. 

Good. 

You stared at each other and chuckled. 

Now, he said a little more seriously, because I care about you, I think we should make things clear, ok ? What I said last time still sort of stands. You’re still in recovery, and that should come first. And most of all, I want us to be friends before being anything else. If being more doesn’t work out, I want us to still be friends. You mean so much to me, I don’t want to lose you.  

Ok, you nodded. 

Just because you have me wrapped around your pretty little finger doesn’t mean I’m not serious about that, ok ? 

You nodded again and smiled shyly. 

Good. Now I’ll take you home, he said with a smile. 

Do you really have to ? You said as you batted your eyelashes. 

Yeah. First of all, Talia is scaring the shit out of me and I don’t want to end on her bad side, he said with a smile. Also, you’ve had quite a week and you should rest. 

Fine, you groaned. 

He took you home and you spent a few minutes making out in the car before you had to leave. You were interrupted by the constant buzzing of your phone. It was an unknown caller and you decided not to answer. You resumed the kiss but were interrupted again. You sighed and decided to take the call. 

Hello ? 

You fucking bitch !!! You heard Cassie yell on the phone. 

Cassie ?! You asked in disbelief, not believing that she would actually have the nerve to call you. 

I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY PULLED THAT OFF. First you send Talia and your boyfriend after me ?! And now my cousin gets jumped at his apartment by dudes with guns ?! Who do you think you are ? She yelled. 

First of all, I never sent anyone anywhere, you said curtly. Second, you are the one who got him to drop that track, aren’t you ? You’re the one who leaked my pictures ! 

Only because you sent Talia and Em to my hotel room to threaten me !!! You need to tell Em to back off, Y/N. This is too serious. 

There was only Talia, you said. And I didn’t send her there. You two have your beef, do not make me a part of this, Cassie. 

I swear he was there, Y/N ! He threatened me, she swore. So yeah, I told my cousin to add a reference to you in the diss - which was coming anyway - and I decided to use the pictures as leverage. But I only leaked the first one. I wouldn’t have leaked the others !!! We just wanted Em to answer, for publicity. But now, my cousin is in the hospital. Tell him to back off, or I swear I will end you !!! 

You shot a glance at Marshall, who could clearly hear the exchange, as the two of you were seated side to side in the car. At first, you thought Cassie was lying. But the distress in her voice and Marshall’s ashamed look told you otherwise. 

Let me call you back, you told Cassie. We will clarify the situation like adults. I swear I had no idea, ok ? 

Whatever. I want proof Em’s backing off before tomorrow, she said before hanging up. 

You stared at Marshall. His mouth was agape and you could see fear in his eyes. Like someone who knows they are in trouble. 

Please tell me that’s not true, you said. 

Y/N, he said, I’m sorry. 

What part are you sorry for, exactly ? 

I…- he began. 

What’s up, Mr Lyricist. You don’t have words, all a sudden ? Let me help you. What. Are. You. Sorry. For ? Is it for the part where you lied to me about going to visit Cassie with Talia ? For the part where you threatened her ? For the part where you sent armed men to another rapper’s apartment ?! You asked with anger. 

It wasn’t supposed to happen like that, he tried to explain. 

I can’t believe you, you said as you left the car. 

You walked through the driveway and made your way to the house as he followed you. 

Y/N, I did that for you !!! Marshall pleaded. 

For me ?! You asked with a sarcastic laugh. That’s rich. I didn’t ask for shit, Marshall. 

I went and confronted Cassie with Talia because I couldn't stand to see you sad. I saw how distraught you were about those pictures. I had to do something, he said with sadness in his eyes. It drove me crazy to have this dude come for you. 

Is that why you acted like a fucking thug ?! 

I swear it wasn’t supposed to happen this way, he tentatively explained. They were just supposed to scare him. They didn’t mention shit about guns and they most definitely weren’t supposed to hurt him. 

I can’t believe it, you said. I’m going to be sick. 

You have to believe me, he pleaded. I only did that to protect you. Because I have your back. I only thought about you. 

No you don’t. Guys like you… They don’t have anyone’s back except theirs, you said as you thought about Simon’s words. If you had my back, none of this would have happened. If you truly had my back, you would have put a statement right after the pictures came out. That would have actually protected me. But you only thought about yourself. All of this… It makes you look good, in the end. You eliminate concurrence, you get some press coverage out of it, you get the crowd hyped and ready for your next album and you even have people thinking you have a girlfriend so that they leave you alone on the subject. It’s a win-win situation for you, Em. 

Don’t think that, he said with tears in his eyes. I was trying to save your reputation…

My reputation or yours ?! You yelled. My reputation was fine before I was publicly associated with you. No one dragged me in the dirt. No one mentioned my name on stupid diss tracks. No one tried to leak my nude pictures before. It’s all because of you, Em. 

I swear to God, Y/N, if you call me Em one more time, he groaned. 

What are you going to do ?! You asked with a manic laughter. Tell me, Em, because I am dying to hear it. 

You do not want to see me get angry, he said as he closed his eyes. 

What are you going to do, huh ? You asked as you got closer to him. Are you going to go all thug on me ? Are you going to have me held at gunpoint ? Or are you going to do whatever it is that you did to your ex or any woman you slept with ? 

Do not mention that, Y/N, he warned as his eyes got darker. 

Should I expect a diss track ? Are you going to rap about killing me ? You asked with anger. Or are you going to punch me ? 

Go to hell, you ungrateful bitch, he spat. You think you’re respectable ? You are nothing but a whore and a junkie. I should have left you at that party, to get fucked by whoever was there. Hell, maybe it would have been better if you had overdosed on pills before we met. 

You stood still, staring at each other in silence, taking in the words that were said. Your heart was pounding in your chest and you felt nothing but anger and sadness. All the affection and desire you had ever felt for him was replaced by hatred and disdain. At that point, it was clear that anything the two of you might have meant to each other was thrown to the fire. 

I thought you were the best thing that ever happened to me, Marshall, you said almost whispering. But in the end, you are the worst. I wish I had never met you. 

With these words, you turned around and entered the house, ready to confront Talia.

[shuenkio]

⇝Youtiful | enhypen OT7

Genre: Fluff, insecurities, self esteem.

Paring: enhypen x male!reader.

Cw:self-esteem, insecurities.

Inspired by Youtiful by Skz.

[Heeseung]

He's the type who doesn't like seeing you beat yourself down, doubting yourself, and not believing in yourself. He knows that you are truly beautiful the way you are, and the idea of insecurities infuriates him. When you claim that you're ugly, after he tries to get you to remove your mask for a picture, he becomes angry, but in a positive way, He keeps arguing with you until you realize that you truly are beautiful.

"If you say that one more time, I'm going to shut you up with my lips and won't let go until you stop denying it. I don't care if we're friends"

[Jay]

He's the type of friend who loves it when people are simply enjoying themselves, not caring about what others think. He hates the mindset of being not good enough and doesn't like when you overthink too much about others' opinions. Back in the day, he gave you free therapy when you bring yourself down. One time, while grabbing coffee, he overheard a group of young girls badmouthing and body-shaming you as being "too skinny." He instantly stood up for you and fired back at them, risking his career in the process. As a result they're leave the coffee shop, embarrassing.

"M/N next time tell me when these things happen to you, I'm sure I'll ripped them apart, Alright?"

[Jake]

He's one of the few people who constantly tells you that you're pretty and handsome, almost every day by text, when he's holding his phone. He hates seeing you stressed out over your study or overthinking about everything, regardless of how minor it may be. While scrolling through his phone one morning, he sees your social media share, which joked about you being a "fail lab experiment," somewhat dramatic and playful in tone, but still he decides to surprise you when he sees you in person. Holding a small bouquet of flowers, he approaches you with a grin.

"If no one dating you, choose me! I'll love you like there's no tomorrow even at your worst deal?"

[Sunghoon]

He is the type who prefers to listen to your concerns rather than offer his own opinion. However, even though he's an introvert, he has a soft spot for you and will always cheer you up when you're feeling down or ugly. Your relationship is like Tom and Jerry in a sense, with constant sparring and bantering, but in the end, you can't go on without missing each other's company.

"I saw your diary M/N! stop writing stupid things about yourself being imperfect or I'm gonna rizz you up for real"

[Sunoo]

He's the type of best friend who becomes sulky and upset whenever someone says something negative about you. You said that it was okay and that you didn't mind, but he was not having it. He hated it with a passion when people spoke ill about you. If the laws were lenient, there would be several people at funerals right now. People have their own ups and downs just like you, but he's there for you when you need him on your bad days. His favorite thing to do with you was to let you rest on his lap.

"I'm always free for you M/N don't be afraid to stand out of your comfort zone and come to me, I'm more than happy to listen to your concern"

[Jungwon]

Likewise, he is the type who gets irritated when you self-deprecate. You may not talk much about this sort of thing, but he can feel your insecurities deep down. He wants you to feel confident and fulfilled, and to never talk down to yourself in any way. All he want from you was to feel confident about yourself, loving your own body and live the fullest.

"Repeat after me ×2 one more time, i. Am. Yep-peo and chal-saeg-gyeo-seo! Pretty and handsome!!"

[Ni-Ki]

It may seem like he tries to pretend that he doesn't care about you, but deep down, he truly cares deeply. No one likes their low self-esteem, and the same goes for him. If he could, he would love to grab your face and shut you up with a kiss, or show you his affection through his clingy gestures, to convey his love for you without the need for words. He loves you as you are.

"You know the moment what i would do if i see yourself like this right? So try to avoid it or something is coming for ya M/N"

🗣️ please mind my English! ><

🗣️ Reblog and like is much appreciated ♥

🗣️ crd to all pics&dividers

🗣️ please do not copy my works.