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fangirlfrom-hell · 1 year ago

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The Fragile Bonds Part 4 || Jay and Will Halstead x Halstead Sister

*re-posting this because I'm stupid and accidentaly erased my other blog 🫠 If you were following this story I'd appreciate your reblogs 🙏🏻

Summary: After their father's death, Becca moved in with Jay. This is the first time the detective brother has to go undercover since his sister has been under his full care, creating a challenging situation for both. Reluctantly, Becca will have to live with Will and his family during those days, even though she doesn't feel very welcome in that household.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

It was a cloudy afternoon, with no sign of the sun in sight. The rain had subsided, and if it weren't for the gentle drops trickling down the windowpane, it might have gone unnoticed.

Becca lay on her bed, engrossed in the book Mr. Olinsky had given her. The story revolved around a lonely orphan girl who discovers the existence of a giant and goes with him into his world. Becca enjoyed the book, but at that moment, she found it hard to concentrate on her reading. She placed it on her chest and turned her gaze toward the window. She remained still for a few minutes, imagining Hailey's car pulling up on the street. She hoped that this would happen, as the detective had promised to visit her that day. Nevertheless, Becca was accustomed to last-minute changes in plans, a common occurrence in a detective's line of work. She continued to gaze outside, lost in thought, until her reverie was interrupted by a knock at the door from Will.

"Everything okay?" Will asked, but no words came out of his sister. She simply nodded.

"What are you reading?" Her brother approached and took a seat on the edge of the bed, prompting her to do the same. "The BFG?"

"The Big Friendly Giant," she replied. "Mr. Olinsky gave it to me, and he always asks me about it. I want to finish it for the next time I see him."

"Oh," Will was uncertain about how to react. It felt a bit strange to him that she was close to Jay's co-workers. For a moment, it tugged at his heart that she might be becoming closer to them than to him.

"Did you finish your homework?" Will inquired.

"Uh, no. It's Friday, and I don't feel like doing homework right now. I still have the whole weekend," Becca replied.

"Well," he said, taking the book from her hands, "I suggest you finish it today. We're planning to go to the aquarium tomorrow." He smiled from ear to ear.

"The aquarium?" Becca asked without much excitement.

"Yeah! We've been wanting to take Owen for a while now. Tomorrow's a great chance to do it, and you get to come with us," he said, excited and genuinely thinking Becca would be too.

"But tomorrow is my..."

"What?"

"Um, never mind..." She rolled her eyes, hoping that Jay would return at any moment. She was accustomed to Will always forgetting her birthday and other important events related to her, anyway.

"It will be fun!" Will tried to persuade her.

At this point, Becca couldn't even muster a fake smile. As soon as she was left alone in the room, she buried her face in a pillow, muffling her scream of frustration.

It felt as though time had ceased to exist that afternoon, a strange and surreal feeling. Becca spent most of the time in a state of half-sleep, drifting in and out, as if she were trying to fast-forward through the day. She didn't want to be awake.

By the time she finally woke up for good, it was already dark outside. She realized she had slept for a long time and suddenly remembered Hailey. Her heart raced with worry, fearing she might have missed a visit from the detective. "No, no, no," she muttered, reaching for her phone in the drawer. She discovered three missed calls and a text from Detective Upton.

Something surged, I'm sorry

The tone of the text conveyed the urgency. She put her phone in the back pocket of her jeans, just in case Hailey called again, she didn’t want to miss another call from Jay.

Leaving Mr. Snuggles behind, Becca ventured out of her dark room and was momentarily dazzled by the brightness of the rest of the house. The cold hit her immediately, and she shivered, regretting her choice of wearing only a light sweater over a tank top.

There were a lot of noises. The animated voices of cartoons emanated from the TV, Owen's plaintive cries echoed through the air, and Natalie's soothing reassurances cut through the clamor. Meanwhile, on the other side of the house, the clinking of plates, the splashing of water, and the rhythmic hiss of flames on the stove created a symphony of domestic activity. It smelled good.

Upon entering the kitchen, Becca found her brother, Will, busy at the stove.

"Pasta!" He exclaimed, snapping his fingers and pointing to his little sister. "You can eat that, right? You can't be allergic to pasta!"

A smile graced Becca's lips as she responded, "Yeah, I can eat pasta. That's actually what Jay makes whenever he's too lazy to cook... which is often." Their shared laughter infused the room with a comforting sense of camaraderie.

"Well, dinner's almost ready. I bet you're hungry."

"Yes, I actually am. And it smells delicious." Becca's gratitude was evident in her words, and Will's smile in return felt like a small victory, he finally made Becca feel good.

"What's wrong with Owen?"

"I don't know, he just doesn't want to sleep. We didn't take him to the park because of the rain, so it might be all of his pent-up energy."

"Oh." Just as they were discussing Owen's restlessness, the baby's cries subsided, and the volume of the cartoons from the TV surged. Becca turned to glance at the wall clock; it read 7:00 PM. It was still relatively early, and she realized she hadn't slept as long as she thought.

"It's freezing," Becca mentioned, crossing her arms to ward off the chill.

"Here," Will offered, taking off his own sweater. "I don't want you to get sick." It was evident that he wanted to ensure Becca remained in the room with him, not wanting to break the peaceful moment they were sharing.

"No, it's all good," Becca quickly responded. "I'll get one from my bag. I'll be right back."

The door of the room was open, but the girl didn’t pay much attention to that detail. However, when she got in, she immediately noticed something amiss. The bed was empty. "Mr. Snuggles?" she thought, her heart sinking. She approached the bed, thinking she might have hidden the stuffed animal beneath the pillow, but her search yielded no trace of the beloved cat.

"Oh, no!" Panic gripped her, and she began frantically throwing pillows and blankets onto the floor, desperately searching for the missing plush companion.

“WILL! WILL!”, she screamed anxiously.

The redhead was at the door frame in an instant, a mixture of alarm and concern etched across his face.

"Wha--? What happened?" His own fear was palpable as they observed Becca, her tearful countenance and the disheveled state of the bed sheets. Quickly, he closed the distance and moved to her side.

“Mr. Snuggles is not here, HE’S NOT ANYWHERE!”

Will was confused, he didn’t understand what she was talking about.

“My stuffed animal!”

“Oh, the cat?” He finally realized. “Did you look well on the bed? Under?”

“WILL, I’M TELLING YOU–”

He could not understand why his sister was overeating that way, but he could feel her anxiety and exasperation.

He put a hand on her shoulder and continued with a soothing tone, "ok, ok, let's go. I'll help you find it".

Then, he proceeded to look under the bed, but there was no trace of the cat. "I don't know, Becca. Are you sure you leaved it in here? You didn't take it outside? Look, it's alright, tomorrow when we get out of the aquarium, we can go get a new one, I promise".

However, this offer only seemed to exacerbate Becca's distress. She started bawling, and Will could see the profound sadness in her eyes, even if he didn't fully comprehend the situation. All he could do was embrace her, but Becca remained unresponsive, not reciprocating the hug.

"It's okay, Becca. You'll get a new one, and it will be even better. That cat was already old." Will tried to console her, although he was still perplexed by the depth of her attachment to the lost stuffed cat.

Becca's tears flowed uncontrollably as her mind became a whirlwind of memories from that special birthday when she had received Mr. Snuggles. She could see her mother's warm and loving smile, and picture Jay's supportive presence as he helped her unwrap the gift box. Those recollections also brought back the bittersweet image of their father, sitting at the table, all of them sharing a birthday cake. But what weighed most heavily on Becca's mind was the recollection of her mother's gentle voice and the overwhelming fear that gripped her – the fear that she might forget her mother's comforting scent and her cherished appearance if she were to lose Mr. Snuggles. It was this fear, this painful possibility, that had driven her to such intense distress.

In her frustration, Becca pushed her brother away, her actions betraying the depth of her anguish. "You don't get it," she groaned. The rawness of her emotions was palpable, and it left a profound ache in Will's chest as he struggled to comprehend the intensity of her distress and find a way to comfort her.

In that moment, the sound of laughter echoed from the living room, and it was at that moment Becca pieced together what had likely transpired. With a sense of urgency, she darted out of the room, her brother following closely behind. There, in the living room, she found Mr. Snuggles in the firm grasp of Owen, who was gleefully swinging the stuffed cat from side to side, dancing to the music of his cartoons.

"Mr. Snuggles," Becca whispered in relief.

Natalie, seated on the sofa, turned to look at Becca, initially unaware of the distress that had gripped the girl.

"Oh," she remarked to Becca. "It was the only thing that could calm him down. I was walking him around the house, and he wandered into the guest room to find it. I told him we would borrow it from you."

Will's voice came from behind, breaking the tension. "Good that we found him," he sighed in relief. "You still have my word about the new stuffed animal, though." He reached out and hugged his sister by the shoulder, still puzzled by her intense reaction and concerned by the fact that she was still upset. He wished he could understand and help her better, but for now, all he could do was be there for her.

"Will, I--thank you," Becca whispered in a hushed tone, ensuring her words were only for her brother's ears. "But I don't need or want another one. I need Mr. Snuggles, and I can't let Owen have it, I really can't."

Will glanced at Owen playing with the black cat. He didn't initially see the issue, but the intensity of Becca's emotions was impossible to ignore. He furrowed his brow and returned his gaze to her, realizing that she was genuinely suffering. It was clear that the stuffed animal held immense significance for her.

"Okay, alright," he said gently, attempting to wipe away her tears.

"Owen, come here," Will knelt to be at the boy's level. "Buddy, this little cat here is already tired. It's time for him to go back to sleep." As he tried to take Mr. Snuggles from Owen's small hands, the boy became upset and clung tighter to the toy.

“Will, what are you doing?” Natalie intervened.

“Becca wants, needs her plush back, that’s all”.

“He’s been restless for two hours, this thing is the only thing that has calmed him”.

“Yes, I know, but it’s not his, and we should have asked Becca first if we wanted to take it”.

Becca felt a warmth in her heart as she watched her brother stand up for her in front of his girlfriend, something that had never happened before.

"Owen, pal, please," Will implored. He managed to gently take the stuffed animal from the boy's hands, but Owen's reaction was immediate – he started crying and throwing a tantrum.

Becca couldn't help but feel awful. She didn't want the baby to cry, and a wave of guilt washed over her for not letting him have Mr. Snuggles. But she just couldn't, if it were any other toy, she wouldn't have hesitated to lend it to him.

"Will!" Natalie scolded, and the cat went back into Owen's hands.

Will found himself in a difficult position, torn between wanting to please Becca and not fully comprehending the depth of her attachment to the toy.

"Becc, just lend it to him for a while. He'll get tired of it soon, you'll see."

Becca watched as Owen continued to play with Mr. Snuggles, her heart heavy with mixed emotions. She shuddered when she saw him putting one of the toy's ears into his mouth. The thought of her mother's scent slowly fading away from the cherished stuffed animal weighed heavily on her mind, making it even more difficult to let go.

“No, I can’t”

Will tried to stop her, but he didn't have the heart to do it.

"Owen, baby, I'm sorry, you need to give it back to me, please," Becca pleaded with a soft, gentle tone. However, Natalie intervened defensively.

"Becca, stop acting like this. It's just a toy, and he's just a kid."

Seizing the opportunity when Owen momentarily left the cat on the floor, Becca reached for it with a sense of relief. But at the same time, Natalie grasped it by the tail, and in the struggle to pull it towards herself, the stuffed animal tore in two.

Becca clutched the body of Mr. Snuggles in her arms, her eyes filled with horror as she stared at the torn tail on the floor. Her beloved companion had been torn apart, and she was left in shock, aghast at the sudden, painful loss.

"NO!" Becca's anguished scream pierced the air, sending shivers down Will's spine. Her cries escalated into a torrent of tears, her emotions a chaotic whirlwind of anger, sorrow, and anxiety. She felt trapped and overwhelmed, and all she wished for was to escape that painful moment.

"I wish I was dead too!" Becca's words, spoken with laboring breaths, were a heartbreaking cry for release. She bolted towards the front door in a desperate attempt to escape, but Will managed to reach her in time, pulling her into a hug from behind, trying to be gentle and cautious, afraid of hurting her in the process. His embrace was a lifeline, an attempt to anchor her and provide the support she desperately needed in that agonizing moment.

"Let me go! Leave me alone!" Becca's cries reverberated, her voice laced with anguish and despair. No one had ever witnessed her in such a state; she appeared as if she were possessed, kicking and hitting, doing everything in her power to break free from her brother's embrace, as if she were fighting against her own tormenting emotions.

"I can't. I can't let you go like this. I need you to calm down, sweetie. Calm down, Beccs, everything's okay," Will implored, his words filled with love and concern.

But those last words pierced her like a dagger to the heart. Nothing was okay; everything felt wrong. Her world was fractured. She no longer had her dad, her mom, or Jay. The only thing that still connected her to her mother had been damaged. She didn't have a home, and she couldn't find her place in this world. In her anguish, Becca acted without thinking, biting Will's arm to break free from his embrace, her pain manifesting in a desperate attempt to escape her overwhelming emotions.

“Will, she bit you. Do something!” Natalie’s accusations rumbled in her ears.

“No, no. It’s ok, Beccs. It’s alright”, Will tried to calm his sister, whose little face looked frightened.

Everything happened so fast and Becca managed to break free and escape through the front door. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her, her vision blurred by tears, making it impossible to see clearly where she was headed.

Unheeding of Natalie's protests, Will chased after her, desperate to catch up.

"Becca! Becca, please!" His voice reached her ears, calling her name at a distance, but it grew fainter and fainter as she continued to run. "Becca!" She heard one last anguished cry, a long and agonized scream that filled the air with sorrow.

When she finally came to a halt, she was exhausted, her breathing labored. She looked around, but the surroundings were unfamiliar, and she couldn't identify the street or any nearby landmarks. She was lost, but returning the way she came wasn't an option, so she continued to walk, trying to find her bearings and make sense of her tumultuous emotions.

It was dark and cold, and she wasn't properly dressed, lacking a warm sweater. Her nose turned red, and her face and ears stung from the biting chill, but she didn't stop walking. She suddenly remembered she had her phone in her pocket and, without breaking her stride, she pulled it out. She dialed the number, but the call didn't connect; the number she called was turned off. Nonetheless, she decided to leave a message on the voicemail.

"J-Jay..."

Will was overwhelmed by fear, his mind racing with countless scenarios. He rushed back inside his home to retrieve his car keys, wasting no time, and then immediately returned to search for Becca. Determined to find his sister and make sure she was safe, he set out with a sense of urgency.

Meanwhile, Becca continued walking along a dimly lit street, too afraid to stop and ask for help. At this point, even if she wanted to, she couldn't return to Will's house, as she was unsure how to find her way back. Eventually, she came upon a bench in a park that seemed relatively safe, with a few children and their mothers nearby.

With trembling hands, she retrieved her phone from the back pocket of her jeans and called Hailey's number multiple times, but there was no answer. Frustrated and desperate, she decided to send a text:

Hailey, I need you. Please, call me

Becca quickly noticed a man approaching her, which instinctively made her stand up and call Hailey one last time.

"Hey, girl!" The man continued walking toward her at an accelerated pace. "Are you alone?"

Once more, there was no answer on the other side of the line. This time, however, Becca decided to speak to the voicemail. Her voice trembled and cracked as she cried out of fear, "Hailey! Hailey! I really need your help..."

The stranger was now just a few steps away from her and made a gesture as if he was trying to take her arm. In a panic, Becca screamed at him while still on the call, "No, get off!" She then began to run once again, desperate to escape the approaching stranger.

After several minutes of wandering around, shivering from the cold and filled with fear, unable to stop crying, Becca found herself standing beneath a well-lit area outside a small store where a steady flow of people passed by. She retrieved her phone once more, but her heart sank when she realized the battery was dead. Cursing her misfortune, she felt a touch on her shoulder and startled in fear.

"It's okay, honey," a woman's voice reassured her. "I'm not going to hurt you. Are you okay? Are you lost? Do you need help?"

However, Becca was now too paranoid and frightened to trust a stranger. She took a few steps back, her guard up.

"Okay, okay, don't go. Don't worry," the woman said, trying to be reassuring. "I'll call the police, and they'll help you get back home, okay? I'll stay here with you."

But as soon as the woman briefly took her eyes off the young girl, Becca seized the opportunity to slip away and disappear into the night.

"Did you find her?" Natalie inquired, even though it was only Will who returned to the car. He was overwhelmed, his stress and anxiety apparent as he sat on the entrance stairs, his elbows on his knees and his hands on his face. His girlfriend knelt beside him and rubbed his back in a soothing manner. "She'll be back soon."

"Are you sure? She's a 12-year-old girl wandering the streets alone at night. She's never been out alone!"

"She must be hiding somewhere, like in a game. She just wants to get your attention. Give her time."

Will couldn't bear the waiting any longer. "She's anxious, stressed, and sad. She was crying her eyes out. She must be frightened and cold right now. And it's all my fault," his voice quivered as he spoke. Will ran his hands over his face in frustration. "We should call the police," he suggested.

"What? No!"

"It's been three hours now!"

"If you call the police, Jay will find out about this!"

Determined, Will stood up. "He'll find out anyway."

Natalie continued to resist, "...and we'll have the entire Intelligence unit here. Is that what you want?"

"Actually, yes, Natalie. I want every cop in Chicago looking for my little sister, if that's possible!"

The 21st district was empty, the only sound filling the station was the echo of footsteps ascending the stairs. Jay was the first to enter the bullpen, followed by the rest of the Intelligence detectives and officers, all dressed in their tactical gear. He was the sole individual in plain clothes, and he looked thoroughly exhausted.

"Good job!" Voight patted Halstead on the back. "All of you. Now, go rest. The paperwork can wait until tomorrow. These punks aren't going anywhere." Before retreating to his office, the sergeant turned back to address Jay again. "Take a day off, you've earned it."

"Thanks, Sarge," Jay acknowledged.

"Alright, it's 10:40. Still time to head to Molly's to celebrate," Adam announced to the room. "First round's on me. Who's coming?"

They all accepted the invitation, including Hank from his desk.

"Jay, you coming?" Kevin inquired when he noticed Jay hesitating.

"No, I'll pass, guys. I'll just shower and go straight to pick up Becca. She must be losing her mind after a week with Will," he quipped with a smile. "If I hurry, I can still be the first one to wish her a happy birthday."

#jay halstead #will halstead #jay halstead x halstead sister #will halstead x halstead sister #one chicago #chicago med #chicago fire #will halstead fanfic #jay halstead fanfic

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it-happened-one-fic · 10 months ago

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Dancing With Visions - Beautifully Vulnerable - Rumba - Kaeya

Author Notes: So, some of you may know that I did a dance-inspired series of fics for Twisted Wonderland. This is going to be the first fic for a series of fics inspired by varying dances for Genshin Impact: "Dancing with Visions." I'm actually really pleased with the way this one turned out! The rumba is a very romantic, Latin dance and, as it says within the fic itself, it is sometimes referred to as "The Dance of Love." I listened to "Night Moves" By Lissie while writing and editing this fic which influenced the general tone of this fic. Reader is technically going to be female throughout this series of dance fics simply to accomdate the fact that a fair number of dance styles work better with a male and female couple due to lifts and what not. I hope you enjoy!

If you would like to read more of this series, the fics can be found here: Dancing with Visions Masterlist

Type: Female reader/ Romance/ pining/ fluff/ comfort/ dance/ sfw/ technically childhood friends to lovers

Word count: 1712

I watched the people swaying rhythmically to the music with a slight smile on my face. It had been quite some time since I’d been to one of these parties. But Adelinde had insisted I come, so here I was. In the Dawn Winery once more, as if nothing had ever changed.

There was a comfort in being back in this building where I’d spent so much of my youth. Playing hide and seek with Jean, Barbara, and the brothers, running through the halls giggling as children will do.

I waved slightly to Diluc and Jean as they passed, mingling with the guests despite how much I knew they’d like to rest on the sidelines. All of our lives had changed so much as we’d all grown.

Diluc had suddenly become the head of the Dawn Winery after his father’s unexpected death; Jean now led the Knights of Favonius; Barbara was at the church; and Kaeya…. Kaeya was filling the position of cavalry captain and had been ever since Diluc had left the Knights.

I idly swirled my glass before finishing my drink. Kaeya was one of the reasons I hadn’t wanted to come. Because even after all this time, there was still that tension between us that a large part of me wished had never appeared.

Being attracted to someone like Kaeya was always risky business, but it felt like that was even more the case since I’d grown up alongside him.

I knew more about him than he really cared to let people know. Because Kaeya preferred to be mysterious, and for reasons known only to him, he kept his walls up.

Both of the Ragnvindr brothers did, but Diluc was a little gentler about it, and I hadn’t fallen in love with him. No, I’d fallen for Kaeya, and it hadn’t been just the dance lessons from all those years ago that had caused it.

Though, to be fair, those certainly hadn’t helped considering Kaeya had chosen the rumba.

I could still hear Crepus' laughter at his son’s choice of dance and him asking if Kaeya had asked me if I was alright with that before making his choice. And of course Kaeya hadn’t, but it wouldn’t have mattered. Back then, we were still young and didn’t entirely understand how embarrassing of a dance the rumba could be.

I noticed Diluc stop off to the side next to his brother, who’d been lingering on the opposite side of the room. Directly in my view, but separated from me by an entire horde of people.

They were talking about something, and the sight brought a slight smile to my face. Because it was a relief that they’d made up to some degree or another after their fight.

I didn’t think I'd ever forget Kaeya showing up on my doorstep that evening, with a bloodied eye, burn marks on his face, and a new vision glowing in his hand.

I still didn’t know why he’d come to me instead of Jean or someone more skilled, but I hadn’t turned him away, despite how shocked I’d been. How could I when he’d been in such shape?

He’d stayed with me for at least a week, though it was hard to say how long it had been now. But during that time, we’d somehow, impossible as it may have seemed, become closer than we ever had been before.

A part of me wondered if it was because I’d ended up being the one supporting him through that time that he’d withdrawn from me. Perhaps the fact that I had been the one with him throughout all of that meant I’d become a reminder of what had happened back then.

But I doubted I would ever know now. Somehow we’d become more distant, and it caused a twinge in my heart when I thought about it too long. Most days, it was fine, but events like this only served as a reminder of what I’d lost.

It made me wonder if that connection I’d thought we had was just something I’d dreamed up, just as much as I questioned the reason why these feelings persisted.

Typically, I ignored the affection I held for the young man and was able to even interact with Kaeya in an easy manner, so long as nothing came up to remind me of that closeness. But here I was, watching people dance with their lovers, and all I could think of was how I’d used to dance so freely with Kaeya in my youth.

Once, before I’d known of the intimacy a dance could cause, and later, after I’d come to recognize that quiet affection that could permeate a space when two people danced.

I sat down my now empty glass, sighing slightly as I made up my mind to say my farewells and go home. It wasn’t as if I was getting accomplished here anyway.

It was beyond clear that tonight was going to be one of those nights where all I could do was reminisce and wallow in the sobering nostalgia of what once was.

But as I turned to go, the song slowly slipped into something slower, with an almost slinky tune that had many of the less confident couples abandoning the dancefloor. And for some reason, I hesitated as I recognized the timing of the song.

Yet another reminder of when I’d dance in that large room, always cleared of furniture so we could better learn the motions of the dance so many called the ‘dance of love.’ And the rumba was a romantic dance, filled with strong emotions once one came to understand such feelings.

My hesitation cost me as a shadow fell over where I stood, fingers lingering on the edge of the table. I turned slowly to see the young man with a star in his eye.

He had that same, perpetually easy smile on his face as he looked at me with a slight tilt to his head as I spoke. His name came out as more of a whisper than anything else, “Kaeya.”

“You weren’t going to leave before I could ask for my dance, were you?” His voice was teasingly accusatory. Playing at pouting just like he so often did.

I found myself smiling, despite myself, as I admitted to my actions that he’d seen through so easily, “I was about too.”

He pressed a hand to his chest, “How hurtful, and after I waited all this time just to get over here to you.”

I almost snorted at his words as I shook my head, “Because I was so busy and you couldn’t make it over here?”

“Oh no, because everyone has been keeping me so busy here tonight.” There was a glimmer in his eye as he paused before continuing, “But a knight always has time for his lady, and I do believe I’ve kept mine waiting long enough, hm?”

I almost wanted to be frustrated with how quickly he could have me slipping back into this easy fondness. Like nothing had ever changed, even though his soft tone showed exactly how much we both knew our relationship had grown throughout the years. Slowly drifting closer and closer to something beyond that of childhood friends as the other companions of our youth watched on. Slight smiles on their faces.

He bowed slightly at the waist, a grin curling across his face as he kept his gaze on me, as if he knew exactly what his attention could do to me, “So, will you honor me with this dance, my dear lady?”

The way he extended his hand made it look like he was offering me something, and I suppose in a way he was. He was offering not only to lead me through yet another dance, to add to the already long list, and simultaneously offering for the two of us to become just a hair closer. And something told me that even though we were already past returning to being ‘just friends’ this dance would seal the deal.

But my hand slipped into his, as natural as it always had and always would, as I responded with a smile of my own, “But of course. My first and last dance has always been yours, Sir Knight.”

His grin spread as I played along with the two of us being a knight and his lady as he straightened and led me out to the dancefloor. Walking backwards as he still insisted on keeping his gaze on me.

It was almost embarrassing, as the crowd around us seemed to go quiet as he pulled me closer so that we were almost nose to nose.

A smile crept across my face as I remembered what Jean had told me the first time she actually saw me and Kaeya complete a dance.

“It was so beautifully vulnerable; I’ve never seen him like that before…. But then, he is more open with you, isn’t he?”

Beautifully vulnerable. It was something I’d wondered about. But I couldn’t deny that there was a certain sensation when it was just me and Kaeya, like there was nothing hidden between us while there was also so much that hadn’t been said and might never be able to be put into words.

Because I really didn’t think there were enough words. Not for this feeling that so often haunted me when it was just me and Kaeya.

And it was true that when we were dancing, there was a difference to Kaeya as well. Almost as if there was more gravity to him, like such moments were of utmost importance to him.

I loved Kaeya’s usual joy, but there was something about his seriousness in this moment, just like it always was, that made me feel oddly secure and like it didn’t matter what else happened; I had him.

It was so starkly different from those moments when I’d question if everything I felt between us was imagined that it made me wonder. It really was like nothing was as it ever seemed. Like these emotions ran far deeper than I could ever realize as we danced through the room. As hypnotic as two shadows that were eternally intertwined, whether surrounded by darkness or blinding daylight.

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iasmelaion · 10 months ago

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what happens when you listen to three audiobooks in like a week and a half

We've been at trial for like the past two weeks at work, which means I have been alone in the office, with approximately 2 hours worth of work to do every day max, mostly just there to answer frantic emails and texts about "what exhibit number is [vague and potentially inaccurate description of email or other document]?" and occasionally file supplemental trial briefs. Anyway, it's all up to the jury now! Only not now now because it is a court holiday and because this case lives to torment me and never ever ever finish ahahaha it's fine i'm fine, we better win.

Anyway, all of that is to say I was bored as hell so I decided to finally finish listening to the audiobook of Gideon the Ninth, which I had started listening to LAST FEBRUARY. You can perhaps guess that, as good as the audiobook narration was, I was not entirely feeling the book. Ahaha. Ha. I was already mentally writing my Goodreads review, complaining about how yes, the narrative voice is great, and yeah, the set up and genre mashup are fun (lesbian necromancers in space! country manor mystery! slasher horror!), but there's just not enough context and the worldbuilding is so vague and what are the overarching stakes even. And then the last 1/3 of the book happened, and I listened to all three current books in the series in like a week and a half and I have spent the last two days rotating these characters in my head and reading meta and such. Sorry in advance about how in approximately two weeks time, my queue will be full of TLT shit.

Spoilers and assorted jumbled reactions below, because I'm not about to ramble like this on goodreads. But real talk, I have skimmed so much spoilery talk/fan art/etc about these books and absolutely none of it made any sense at the time so tbh I don't think it matters all that much if you're spoiled. The spoilers won't even make any damn sense most of the time.

I wish I could give this series some kind of pitch that would, idk, explain it or make it seem enticing, but lol I have no idea where I'd even start. I'll just say that if you are in need of Enrichment in your Enclosure, these books are like being tossed a very meaty bone full of delicious marrow which you can gnaw upon for a good long while.

Gideon's narrative voice is a lot of fun, and I do quite enjoy how she's basically a big lesbian jock, even if that did make a lot of the first book rough going for me because alas, Gideon, bless her, is not interested in much beyond hot ladies, swords, staying alive, and getting off her home planet. And Harrow, of course.

HARROW. For 2/3 of the first book, Gideon hates her passionately, they've been enemies their entire lives, they are vicious and awful to each other. Now, I knew Gideon/Harrow was like THE ship for these books, and I was like "...hm. Listen, I simply do not vibe with this kind of enemyship." But then that last third happened, and auuughhhhh. They're enemies, they were all the other had, they were two rats trapped in a barrel, desperate to get out, clawing and biting and snarling and hurting each other, they were each other's only solace, they were doomed from the start. They've been trapped in a cycle of terrible violence, and I have no idea if they can ever get out. And the love Gideon wants from Harrow is to be used and consumed and destroyed by love, and the love Harrow wants to give is to save her and keep her even if it means forgetting her. Like, y'all, I ship it, but I have no idea how there's any kind of future in it.

And then Harrow the Ninth happened, and goddamn, poor fucking Harrow. I felt for her already after the revelation in Gideon the Ninth, but Harrow the Ninth made me so desperately sad for her.

Good job on the soup though, Harrow!

Also the low key comedy of all of them stuck with each other on the Mithraeum was *chef's kiss*. Just like THE most demented and toxic workplace sitcom while poor Harrow is descending into a total mental breakdown.

The worldbuilding is so fascinatingly, complicatedly BONKERS. Also it's so SPACE CATHOLICISM that I don't even know what to say about it. I'm not qualified. But like. It is. It's so Space Catholicism, but also make it More Goth. And it's clearly concerned with religion and faith and all that, but not in a Narnia kind of way, and I am FASCINATED about where it's all leading to.

What a fucking villain this series has in John Gaius aka God aka Necrolord Prime aka the Prince Undying aka the Emperor of the Nine Houses aka Jod. Just absolutely skin-crawlingly horrible, the literal Worst Person Who Ever Lived, even as he's affable and funny and occasionally endearing and pathetic. And like I'm not even sure all of that stuff is a mask or a cover for his monstrousness! Like I think he genuinely is affable and funny and endearing and pathetic! He is just also quite literally History's Greatest Monster. I'm not sure if he was always like this, though I'm leaning towards him having been an awful man before he became god, in all those quiet, too-easily unnoticed ways men are awful, the moment they have any power over someone. And then Jod gets all the power so of course his awfulness becomes correspondingly greater.

I will say though that Jod's origin story is an actual horror movie, the stuff of nightmares. It's the end of the world because climate change and he and his team are frantically working on some way to save everybody but it doesn't quite work, not well enough, and no one is listening to him, and the clock is ticking down and of course the billionaires have a way out, of course they're gonna get on some space ships and bounce, but what about everyone else? Jod is sure he can save everyone else, if only he had the resources, if only they'd listen to him. And someone was listening, it turns out. Someone--something gives him power. Terrible, terrible power over life and death. And he becomes something else and makes choice after terrible choice, enabled by his friends, and then whoops not whoops! He's killed everybody on the fucking planet and ate the sun and the whole solar system too!! Absolutely terrifying reveal, and it's built up to so well. We spend so much time listening to Jod and so much of what he says is reasonable or understandable, but every so often there's a hint that under his commendable politics and goals and general hapless nerd vibes, there's something else, something much, much worse.

Actually, this whole part would make a truly great horror movie, especially if it starts off as an almost dark comedy that shifts genres as it goes: from dark comedy to suspenseful thriller to eldritch horror.

Also he gets, like, super weird about the cadavers he's been experimenting on. Like, deeply, horrifying creepy and weird about them.

Lotta people get weird about corpses in this series, if I'm being honest.

CAMILLA AND PALAMEDES. I am UNWELL about these two. I am UNHINGED. I am still rotating them in my mind, unable to do much but WEEP. "So...do you ship them??" you might ask. To which I say idk and idc, what does to ship these two even MEAN at this point, they are platonic, they are romantic, they are eros, philia, AND agape, and they're the Love that Is Perfected in Death. The absolute fucking pinnacle of insane codependence. Childhood BFFs who crawled into each other's skins and hearts and souls and never crawled back out. How much more codependent is it possible to get? NONE. NONE MORE CODEPENDENT. They have MERGED THEIR SOULS AND BODIES TOGETHER INTO ONE BEING. [actually, real talk, i am uncertain of the Soul Situation, I am pretty sure they've merged their souls together, but like. idk. they do also say they will be known as themselves "beyond the River" after death] I am WEEPING just THINKING ABOUT IT. That is not fucking hyperbole btw, the mere thought of them basically makes me cry, it's fine, i'm fine. They love each other SO MUCH. I CANNOT HANDLE IT.

Anyway, rather difficult to "ship" a pairing that has become...one person. Like, still willing to make a game go of it even during the period where they're sharing a body, but like. Now they are one person??? Because this is not a Steven Universe-style fusion where Ruby and Sapphire can unfuse from Garnet, Camilla and Palamedes are now one person, no takebacks while they live. I do love Paul though! Fucking adore that some of Paul's first acts as a new person were acts of kindness and mercy. Jod's lyctors are called saints, but I think Paul is the only one who is a saint in truth.

So, a triumph or a tragedy or both that Camilla and Palamedes died to become Paul? Idk! I adored Camilla and Palamedes as individual characters, I adored how in many ways they're the certain, just moral center of this entire series, I love their intelligence and ferocity, and oh, after Nona the Ninth, I loved so much how they loved. Each other, and other people. I loved Camilla using truths like her swords, her dry humor, how she was still so kind even while being an absolute stone cold fucking badass. I loved Palamedes, his brilliance and how he bent basically all that brilliance into helping people. I loved so fucking much that he was the one who figured out that there was a better way to achieve lyctorhood than the way Jod and his lyctors set out for them. I loved that stuck in a bubble in the underworld, with nothing but a terrible erotic novel, he started having serious opinions about said erotic novel and undoubtedly wrote terrible fanfiction in his head about it.

Ahem. Anyway. Abigail Pent and Magnus Quinn were also delightful, and I was especially charmed by the lovely Welsh accents Moira Quirk gives them in the audiobook. Love that Abigail has immensely powerful, friendly mom friend energy while simultaneously being an immensely powerful Eldritch Speaker for the Dead. Gideon observing her all like "ah, her eye contact is...extremely very unsettlingly intense! but also she is wearing an apron and is cheerful so that's alright then."

God, this is really long, sorry to anyone who actually read it, possibly i will reblog with more disjointed thoughts.

#the locked tomb #books

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xmimiteh · 1 year ago

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Get to know me

Tagged by: @airis-ray - thank you so much for tagging me!

Tag (9) people you'd like to know better!

Last song

I hear the following song often, so it is no surprise it is the last song I now heard. With this I do not only like the music, but also the video: "This is War" by Thirty Seconds to Mars with "Rebels" footage - >VIDEO<. Music and cutting just fits so amazingly well and I enjoyed "Rebels" sooo much. I think this show is criminally underrated. It is that kind of show which starts "okay", but then gets better and better with each season - becoming one of the best SW pieces for me out there. It just gave me so much "original" Episode 4-6 vibes and also my "Firefly" thirst was stilled by it. Loved every character in "Rebels" so much, though the best for me was Hera - ressourceful, clever, active, strong-willed and finally a Twi'lek not being sexualized! She made the show for me. Really looking forward seeing Hera and Sabine again in the upcoming "Ahsoka" show. But okay, this was "Last Song" and now I was rambling on about a show... sorry for that!

Currently reading

I am a super slow reader. Always have been even at university - and this was a bit challenging as I studied American and English literature. I love reading, but I rarely am in the mindscape for it anymore and have gotten too restless. It only works during vacations or trips for me. So it takes me a long time to finish stuff and sometimes I start something else at the side as well. That is why I am reading three different books at the moment, because I am not always in the mood a certain one.

The first being "Fool on the Hill" by Matt Ruff - I promised my spouse to read it finally as it is their favorite book. The beginning was a bit drawn-out, but I enjoyed the middle a lot. I get why so many people love that book, but I've got a bit of a hard time with some things. Especially the ending now is sadly overstaying its welcome a bit too much.

The second book being "It" by Stephen King - I love horror literature and had always a weird love-hate relationship with King. I love his take on writing, I love his general stances, love his ideas, enjoyed most of the movies based on him, but his endings suck and sometimes he is a bit too vulgar for my taste. But if it is only the last 10% that's not good? Well, time well spent, I'd say!

And the last one is "Skulduggery Pleasant - The Faceless Ones" by Derek Landy. Hm, yes, as I said I simply LOVE horror literature. And as pulpy and trashy the characters are - I love those dialogues and the pacing! Skulduggery Pleasant is just such a fun time to read and sooo relaxing. But it is really, really overpowered. I mean, you would call out each of those characters if they were roleplaying something like that in FF14. And yet somehow it does not bother me when reading it. I do not even understand why. Usually I would complain about such characters for hours.

Currently watching

How much time do you have and how much do you want to read? Because I watch so much stuff. It is simply easier for me with my busy RL life to consume at the side and more relaxing. My spouse and I have our little ritual of watching one tv show after dinner and one (different) tv show before going to bed. Our "after dinner show" is at the moment the tv show "Sleepy Hollow" (>Trailer<) - and I expected it to be entertaining, but I did not expect it to be that good. Don't get me wrong, it is not outstanding, but I enjoy it very much. Probably also, because it covers a period in American history and literature I had as one of my study focusses. And I loved Washington Irving. Also, yes, it is horror. Again. I know, I know. Don't hold it against me! But it is really entertaining. Give it a try.

Our "before bedtime show" is at the moment a little "blast of the past" with "Case Closed (Detective Conan)" (>Trailer<) - yes, that slightly older anime show with way too many episodes. We recently thought we need something light and it is just a nice way to chill out at the end of the day.

When I am watching on my own, I recently started a rerun of "The X Files" (>Trailer<), because I loved that show when it aired on tv for the first time, but never finished watching it. Still want to complete a whole run of it, because I never got further than season 3. Or was it 4? I do not really know anymore.

And the last movie we saw was "Spider-Man: Across the Spiderverse" (>Trailer<), which was simply amazing. But you all probably know that anyway, so... I will just give another bonus fact about me: Spider-Man is my favorite superhero. I always loved how personal the stories are and how authentic his struggles are. That was something I could relate to a lot - responsibilities piling up and feeling the need to be responsible. Because with great power, yadda, yadda, yadda... Spider-Man was always the most relatable and human superhero to me. Each incarnation was an authentic human being struggling with doing the right thing, but stepping up to try it - even when failing. That always inspired me and still inspires me. And this movie was the first we went to the cinema again since the pandemic. So, yay!

Current obsession

This one I will keep shorter. Or I will try to do so at least! But my current obsession is an obsession I have been having for quite some time and it is: Hunt: Showdown (>Trailer<) - don't confuse it with "Hunt". That game! It is a PvPvE (Player versus Player versus Environment) extraction shooter so probably not to everyone's taste. Setting is Weird Wild West with Zombies and Demons, has the best sound design in the whole gaming industry. No, really, there is no better one. You can pinpoint the location of sounds by listening so perfectly and it is really important with all the stealthing and scouting. And the gunplay is so much fun. Those shootouts with other players are so intense and really feel sooo Wild West. I love it and I am simply addicted to that game. So, if you see me afking in FF14, I might be playing one or two rounds of Hunt at the side. And yes, it is again... horror. I know. It's a surprise there are not too many horror themes when roleplaying Mimi! I really should rectify it. Because I live for that. So I probably should get those Sagolii ruins rolling for plotting points, right?

Tagging: Okay, this time I can only tag 9 people. That is hard! So let's just cheat the system, but don't tell anyone. I'll just tag 9 people and you can do it anyway and tag me, so I can read it. So, the "officially" tagged are: @ysandrethedreamer, @kich-rp @zhauric @miqojak @miqoquest @archaiclumina @luck-and-larceny @cactusxwren @tsupertsundere. But we all know, I also tagged YOU as well, right?

#Not FF14 #Not Final Fantasy 14 #Not Final Fantasy XIV #FF14 #Final Fantasy 14 #Final Fantasy XIV #X'mimiteh #X'mimiteh Lhim #prompt #rp prompt #Thanks for tagging me!

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ladyimaginarium · 1 year ago

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This month is Pride Month and Indigenous History Month so please support our indigenous turtle island communities, know who's land you're on and support queer indigenous turtle islander creators, & on top of that, July 13th is also my& birthday & July is also Disability Pride Month & Queer Wrath Month !! I& just find it's funny how white queers get all this support & clout, but the minute a queer Native Jew asks for any kind of mutual assistance, it's like cricket noises, but anyway, here I& go again, just in case someone actually does wanna help out!

While not obligatory, if you want to help support a local queer, trans, nonbinary, genderfluid, intersex, mspec, aspec, autistic, disabled, neurodivergent, hoh, chronically ill, psychotic spoonie witch two spirited mixed native and ashkenazi jewish bodied multigenic DID system who's an aspiring activist, ASMRtist, fashion model, voice & film actrex ( hopefully getting into something big on Netflix or HBO one day ), ASMRtist, youtuber/vtuber, polyglot & writer with asking us& to be your sensitivity reader, commissioning us& ( to be available! ), book a tarot reading with us& ( to be available! ), donating to help us& save up for getting our& multipurpose psychiatric service dog, and/or buying something from our& Throne wishlist which is a safe & anonymous way to buy gifts, because so far these are the best way to support us& or simply donating to our& P*yP*l because you enjoy our& content. Gifts are not necessary, but appreciated, & after receiving your gift if you choose to, I'd& be more than happy to send you a personal thank you photoset or clip or post something on tumblr or elsewhere, regardless, I'd& really appreciate it! We& didn't have a great childhood growing up as we& were abused for a decade & we& weren't taught many lifeskills so we're& still learning from the gate. Even though we aren't in a life threatening emergency, I'm& generally not in the right financial space to spend a lot & buying my& own shit because I'm& Saving Up™ for a lot of things, including the possibility of me& moving to my& first ever apartment next year & my& future service dog & I& cannot work due to my& multiple disabilities, the fact I& can't stand up for long periods of time without feeling exhausted & just being an overall madcripple, so whatever you do, it'd be greatly appreciated, especially if it's from white settlers, so if you're white, you can think of this as paying reparations us& for dealing with antinative racism, antisemitism, ableism, sanism, pluralphobia, psyism, audism, homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, multitransphobia, aphobia, exorsexism, intersexism and the ongoing colonization of my people and fighting on the behalf of the indigenous, queer and plural communities on here while for any POC reading this, you can think of this as extending your solidarity with us&, so after I& spent a lot of blood sweats and tears into what i& do, I'm& finally asking something that would benefit me& for a change, even like 10$ could help, but even if you still can't for whatever reason, please spread the word out to help us& live easier as a disabled, neurodivergent mixed native system in this ableist & racist world !!

#arcana.txt #** post; signal boost.#our& p.osts for our& t.arot readings & c.ommishes'll be open soon hopefully bc we& got Good Reviews !! TM #hennywayz please consider helping us& out !#also our& s.ervice d.og GFM is still a wip our& bad but you generally get the gist lmao

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theblognobodyfoundlastyear · 4 months ago

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It's that time of the year again. The time to beat out our brains.

Another post, another Tumblr UI change. Or maybe the Tumblr UI is changing according to my whimsical posting schedule? Either way, we're back after a long slew of life-related events. You can be sure there are more on the way this year and that I will be equally stressed and frenzied to get them sorted out in a way that hopefully doesn't result in deep-seated regrets.

It's times like these that once can feel as though I'd have my brains taken out and buttered. Where should I turn but to the vices once more? But life is always ready at the helm, poised to throw a wrench at your face when you least expect it. Indeed, it's as though life is all one giant exercise to shift the domain of problems in such a way that you never quite know how to solve the immediate problem on hand but smart enough to know that changing the focus will buy you some time.

One of the problems is the age-old conundrum of where is our time best spent. Do we try and solve those really difficult problems, or should we actually *gasps* start enjoying life? I wonder if things would have really turned out differently had we taken different forks in the road, but that was then and this is now. But I digress. Who actually likes solving difficult problems? Perhaps the loser who has nothing to do with their time. Or is it that we see something beyond the horizon, a better future if you will? And that by solving said problem, we might be fortunate to be the stepping stone on which greatness is achieved.

Then we have a strange problem on our hands: Why solve a hard problem when it costs us ourselves in due course? If you read between the lines, it's almost a selfless act of sorts that one would want to see a better outcome, one's own happiness be damned. And who knows - said happiness might be collected in one form or another somewhere along the way. Perhaps think of it this way: One person's joy is the cost of unlocking the happiness and freedom of others to experience. In turn, others who are willing to carry this cross might take up the challenge and continue iterating this exponential pattern of solving difficult problems for the sheer peace of mind that they've run their part of the race.

Is that it then, that the fate of some are destined to simply be problem solving machines without ever finding any personal joy from said work? That would be under the naïve sumption that such joy is the only motivation for anything. If one is willing to sacrifice for the greater betterment of their fellow countrymen, the pursuit in itself can be the prize in thereof. And if that's not the case, one can always look to the natural adjacencies to find all sorts of other motivations: Love for the craft! Spite for those who deemed the task as impossible! Intense hate for a particular problem or domain! There's bound to be all kinds of maniacs who can share the same sentiment on some level.

What of us who are able to enjoy the proverbial fruits of their labours? It's as though we'd been allowed to steal away their brains at their expense. Or perhaps it's the calling some of us need to make productive use of this lull in life, in the midst of all kinds of other life problems. Indeed, we may never actually solve the full set of problems laid before us, but we can at least solve the problems that either bother us the most or have a promising future attached. Will those that come after completely take one's work for granted? Most probably. But we strive not for credit's sake, but because we're inspired by some power from beyond to wrestle with a problem that, if left unchecked, will beat out his brains.

'Til next time, young padawan.

#happiness #problem solving #selflessness

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coolbeansbuddyofmine · 1 year ago

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ro I know we rarely interact but curious about ✨ and adding the 🌈 for funsies <3

HI SEL!! i've been so ia for the longest time and im still in the middle of a lot of work but i have the time to take a breath it feels like

also yay thank u for ur ask!!

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

so, as per usual, i'm not a concise person so i'll give two varieties of answers for this between my finished fics and my to-be-completed ones (bc i will finish all my fics one day---they're incomplete not abandoned)

so finished fics:

so my contenders are between both of these because they were really specific ideas that either i had (in the case of the lawschool fic) or that were sent to me (the f4 fic) and i had a lot of fun writing it. the general speed of the actual writing was very very fast because i was so invested and i knew what i would write too.

of course, my popular fics like the famous aus in vincenzo fandom and the countless f4 fics were very very fun too, but they get their due credit. i think these are some of my (if i can say this even) more "underrated" fics so to speak. people do like them and all, but i think i like it much more than people do, if that makes sense.

i want to have the same energy as a writer bc i find myself lacking it that i had when i was writing this approximately a year before, and the same strength of my brainrot ideas that motivate me to write.

for my unfinished fics:

so the fiery priest fic was the product of a fever dream at night that i spent furiously writing down in a notebook as soon as i woke up, and i think it's one of my best works personally. if you've watched the show, i highly encourage you to read this fic of mine. i think it deals with the emotional genres of second chance romance, enemies to lovers, angst that i think are my strengths. so yes, if the fandom were more popular, i think (hope) it'd get the due credit it deserves.

the vincenzo fic is really a labour of love (as are all my fics, but this one a bit more so). i love intolerable cruelty the movie, and i think men who think of themselves as tough pining for the strong as needles unbreakable woman is beautiful trope and i believed it'd translate well to the show. i just enjoyed writing it so much, and i'm so cognizant of all my unfinished fics that i know exactly what i need to finish, my ideas that i had because my entire ao3 page is a labour of love for me in between a hectic college and work live juggling school and 5 jobs and extracurriculars. so, yeah, i hope my vincenzo mutuals show this fic the love i have for it.

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

i think the easy answer to this one is:

so, this ended my two-ish month hiatus and i've not published anything since though i've written a lot of fanfic and other creative works as well. long story short, this was a very difficult and heartfelt piece for me that was less a fanfic and more a personal, third-person essay towards my mental state at the time after a very painful breakup with my longterm partner and then a subsequent short-lived fling/situationship that went from 5 to 90 in very little time and also ended badly. i've since been just healing from that sort of, and this particular piece was the rawest i'd felt right after both instances and i was very emotionally spent and used and unstable.

(i'm much better now! if any of y'all were wondering <3)

the better, proper answer(s) as a writer would be:

so, the nevertheless fic, as a character study was honestly an ugly exploration into myself because i relate to bitna as a person painfully so. i've been her (pretty recently too) and while our situations are/were different, i think the emotional resonance within us is strong and so while it started off as something fun, it became a challenging exploration of the self disguised as a character study. (i realize this is a similar answer to the previous fic but idc)

for the lawschool fic, i love hanahaki and i love angst. like i'll read and angst and i'll cry and i'll enjoy that sweet sweet pain and emotional catharsis and there's an alternate ending version to this in my drafts somewhere that made me ugly-cry claire danes circa romeo and juliet style and i think grief and unrequited love is so deeply personal to me as a theme i fucking love it.

thanks sel for your ask!! as per usual, i wasnt concise at all but i did say i wouldnt be in the beginning.

love,

coolbeans (ro)

link to the original post if anyone else wants to ask me more! i'm finally back (proper) for the better i think <3 ask me more things im currently accepting prompts <3 !!!

#ask box answered #my writing

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anemia-rp · 8 months ago

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"As long as you feel any kind of passionate feeling towards it I'm good", he responded in a lasting amused tone. "Only leaving you cold would be upsetting. But I bet among my repertoire there should be a song even you will enjoy." He at least would have been surprised if this wouldn't have been the case, though he had the feeling that Kukki was more sophisticated than his fans.

"That's exactly how I feel." He could barely contain his excitement according to her words, Fuji's face lighting up instantly. "Guess my look already gives it off, huh? And to be fair, silver hair isn't the norm either. That's why I thought approaching you could be worth it. I'm somewhat biased, I admit that. Often I'm a good judge in fact. Just like tonight." Well, if he wanted to he could be quite charming. If he liked someone. Yes, he had the feeling he could really grow fond of this woman even. If they just spent enough time to get to know each other that is. Even better that the feelings seemed to be mutual in fact. Nuts weren't his thing so he only kept watching the woman while sipping on his bottle every now and then. "If you wanna know something in particular just dare to ask, it's likely you'll get an answer." There were things Fuji didn't speak off freely, but usually he was rather chatty in fact if he felt comfortable.

"You're straightforward about your boundaries." He nodded in appreciation and smoothed his hair with his hand. "That's fine, I'll stay with you and won't try to persuade you then. I'm not someone who tries to win a woman over who already told me she's not interested in getting sexual with me. No matter if this goes just for now or in general." However he was used to people wanting sex with him instantly, so this was certainly new. Kukki was simply different from all those lewd guys he usually surrounded himself with and he liked it.

"Once again that's something I could have said", he admitted with his smile still lasting. "I dislike flatterer. There are lots of people who admire me and would never criticize me, but you only can accept someone as equal if they don't take everything you say and do for granted." At least it was like this for Fuji. "Fuji", he told her his name with a light bow of his head. "Kukki? That's an unique name. Is it something like an artist's name as well?" This suggested that Fuji perhaps was rather a synonym, too.

His eyes then narrowed lightly during the further conversation; at least she didn't compare him to a cute stray puppy, this would have definitely hurt his pride. "I don't fucking agree to everything you say", he grumbled though. "Don't think I'm gonna sit on the couch with you every night from now on and drink tea with you. Hell no. Just because I'd be ready to do that /sometimes/." He shrugged, actually a little pissed, but it wouldn't be something permanent. "Could do that. The best selling item is a shirt with knife allover print. Maybe you like it. Maybe you don't." He had lifted his bottle to his lips again and now almost choked on the sip he had taken, hearing her further words. "Clingy? The fuck? And I don't need a fucking mom!" What had happened to his attitude? He snorted. Those were definitely too intimate topics, thus he reacted snappy. "But yeah, being compared to a cat is definitely better than being compared to a puppy."

@your-sweet-cookie

'The best nights are the ones you never plan.' (from Fuji)

more tumblr quote prompts pt. 2

The party life was never Kukki's cup of tea so to speak, she was more of a house body, who enjoys spending time by herself in the company of her cat and a good book instead of partying and drinking away god knows where, in a loud and noisy club. And neither was she a fan of socializing, being an introvert by nature who got easily drained by social interactions, yet here she was, in a night club on a late Saturday evening, having been dragged along by a friend to act as their chaperon. Since Kukki never drank and she was a very serious person, her friends often used her to keep an eye out for them in case there where creeps lurking around or they got too drunk.

"Huh?" The silver haired raised her eyes to meet those of the person, whom the voice from earlier belonged to. 'The best night are the ones you never plan'... The words echoed in her mind, making her snort. "Maybe, but so far this is far from what I would normally call 'a great night'. This place is soo packed and loud I feel I could end up losing myself in this sea of people if I get up from here." Kukki replied and took a sip from her nonalcoholic orange juice. She never drank alcohol, given that her tolerance was very low and she could easily get drunk.

Eyeing the man sat next to her, a tall, intimidating looking guy with long hair and tattoos, Kukki took some quick mental notes on him, making an analysis of what she thought his personality might've been like. So far, he didn't struck her as dangerous or sleazy, so she could tolerate him. "What about you? Having a good night so far?"

#your-sweet-cookie

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helloalycia · 4 years ago

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The Wrong Lifetime – Five // Wanda Maximoff

chapter four | story masterlist | main masterlist | wattpad | chapter six

author’s note: dying of cramps but didn’t wanna leave y’all hanging, so enjoy! x

Taking Wanda to Blackpool was something I couldn't stop thinking about for the past three days.

I kept telling myself that I had to remain calm, not make her feel uncomfortable with my obvious attraction to her, and to give her the best day out considering she'd never been before. It wasn't anything more than a girl spending time with her soon-to-be sister-in-law, and I had to keep reminding myself that whenever I'd feel a stir of desire in my chest at the thought her pretty smile or intoxicating gaze.

My family were thrilled when they heard of my plans with Wanda. My parents were glad I was actually making an effort to get on with her, whilst my brother was excited I was becoming 'best friends', as he put it, with his fiancé. That one stung a little, the guilt pricking my insides, but I convinced myself that that was exactly what I was doing. It wasn't wrong if I didn't think of Wanda in any way but what she was. Right?

The weekend came around quickly enough, and on Saturday morning, I met with Wanda at the train station where she waiting for me with an enthusiastic smile.

"I brought my watercolours and sketchbook so I can paint what's there," she explained as we boarded the train. "I also bought a lot of pencils in case some snap. I'm gonna draw everything I see so I don't forget a single thing."

We slid into our seats and I smiled with admiration as she continued to ramble about all of the things she wanted to do today. She looked so lively when she spoke, her hands moving about frantically to express her excitement, and her lips permanently etched into a smile when she wittered on. I didn't mean to stare, but God, she looked beautiful.

"Thank you again for doing this," she finished, head turning to mine.

Now, I'd read and written many clichés of someone falling for someone else, particularly the moment they knew they were too far gone. It was hard to believe if they were true depictions of liking someone, but I liked reading and writing them.

It was now that I learnt that they were no exaggeration, for when she looked my way with a beaming smile and glowing green eyes, I knew it was too late. There was no going back for my attraction to Wanda.

"No need to thank me," I spoke slowly, surprised I could speak at all since she'd knocked the breath from my lungs. "I'm glad you're excited."

The journey was a few hours long and we made conversation the whole way. It was the longest I'd spent alone with her since meeting her and I was intrigued by everything she had to say, hanging onto every word with all of my attention. If that wasn't enough, her accent only made everything she said sound so much better. She was naturally soft-spoken, but syllables rolled off her tongue in a silky, raspy way with her accent entwined in her words. I loved it.

At one point, the topic of our families came up and I felt like my brother came up in almost every conversation I'd had with anyone who discussed family, so I took this as my opportunity to get to know hers instead.

"What's it like to have a twin?" I asked, leaning on my elbow as I watched her attentively.

She mirrored my action playfully, though answered my question. "It's just like having a normal sibling, except they're way more annoying."

I smiled, imaging just how annoying Pietro could be as a sibling.

"I love Pietro, but he's very frustrating at times," she spoke with a hint of endearment. "He constantly throws it in my face that's he's older than me by twelve minutes. As if that makes a difference."

A chuckle flew from my lips as she pouted at her own words.

"But he's also my best friend," she said with a sigh, like that fact was irritating in itself. "He knows me better than anyone and he's the easiest person for me to talk to. I don't have to hide anything from him." She paused, glancing upwards in thought. "Well, almost anything."

Pursing my lips, I wondered what she meant as she mumbled the last part, but didn't question it. Everyone was entitled to their secrets.

"So, you and your family moved to England when you were kids, right?" I tried to recall what my parents had told me of them. "From Sokovia."

"Yes, we were about..." She scrunched up her nose as she tried to remember. "Eight years old, I think?"

"Wow, that's young," I realised.

She hummed in agreement, smile fading as her eyes fell to her hands. "Yeah... I don't remember much, but there was a lot of unrest at the time. A war. It was dangerous for everyone and my parents were lucky to get us out when they did."

I frowned, knowing some of this already, but it was sadder to hear when it was coming from Wanda herself.

"Our extended family didn't make it out," she continued to explain, voice quieter. "I didn't know them much, my parents' siblings, so it's not that sad for me. Pietro, too. But it's strange to think, you know? Especially when all of your family are around with this wedding and–" She sighed, shaking her head and looking to me with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring the mood down."

I straightened up, reassuring her instantly. "Wanda, you don't need to apologise. It's okay. I... I didn't know any of that. I'm glad you told me."

She nodded, though the regret was still present in her gaze.

"I'm sorry all of that happened," I expressed honestly, not looking away. "But I'm glad you're here, if it makes a difference. You– your family are good people."

A small, appreciative smile graced her lips. "Thank you."

I shrugged, trying to brush it off so she wouldn't notice the heat rising up my neck. "It's nothing... so Sokovia. You speak Russian and English. That's pretty bloody cool."

She laughed wholeheartedly and any hint of sadness disappeared from her face, reassuring me completely. I didn't like to see her sad, especially when there was nothing I could do to make her feel better that I knew of.

"I promise to teach you some Russian today," she said with amusement. "A few words, just to diversify your vocabulary."

"Gee, thanks."

Another laugh escaped her and I chewed on my lip to contain my grin. I could get used to that sound.

—

When we reached Blackpool, Wanda was radiating with excitement. We couldn't make it two steps anywhere before she whipped out her sketchbook and began to sketch. She wasn't kidding when she said she was going to capture everything she saw.

I was patient, since the reason we came was for her, and watched as she worked. It was cute, seeing her concentrate and trying to stop dancing around with excitement every time I showed her something new.

We walked along the promenade and dipped in and out of the shops, looking at the gifts and clothes they sold. We bought a few things to commemorate the trip, but then Wanda was quick to drag me back outside so she could sketch the view of the beach from where we were stood. The grin on her face was convincing enough for me to let her drag me wherever she wanted. She looked so happy and I didn't care about anything else.

Eventually, around lunchtime, we headed to a café to have a break from all the excitement. Or rather, a break from running around. For Wanda, it was a better opportunity to sit still and sketch some more.

"So, you're drinking what, Y/N?" she asked, not looking up from her sketches as she worked.

I looked at my tea and lowered the cup. "Er, tea?"

"In Russian," she instructed.

"Oh." I cleared my throat, remembering what she taught me earlier. "Chay."

"And what's in the chay?" she asked, lifting her eyes to meet mine patiently. "The milk?"

"Moloko," I remembered, and the proud smile on her face reassured me I was correct. My shoulders relaxed as I returned her smile. "Thanks."

"You're a natural," she assured me, before looking back to her sketchbook. "I only taught you the words. You remembered it yourself. And before you know it, ty budesh' govorit' polnymi predlozheniyami na russkom."

My mouth opened with confusion, not knowing what she said. She seemed to realise as she chuckled at my expression.

"Never mind, milaya (darling)," she said with humoured eyes, before resuming her sketching.

I breathed out, taking another sip of my tea before grabbing a fork to dig into my pasta. As I chewed, I watched Wanda move her pencil effortlessly, creating lines that somehow resulted in a perfect drawing of the horizon.

"Do you only draw and paint landscapes?" I asked curiously.

"I can do portraits, too," she answered with a nod, glancing at me. "But they're never as good."

I gave her a knowing look. "I doubt that."

She merely smiled in response, eyes meeting mine for a moment, before shaking her head with amusement and looking back to her sketches. I chuckled, leaving her to it as I enjoyed my lunch and read the newspaper.

It was nice to just sit and enjoy each other's company as we did our own thing. I'd occasionally glance up to see Wanda focused on her drawing and smile, allowing myself to appreciate the sight, before looking back down to the paper and enjoying my pasta.

By the time I finished my food, as had Wanda, she straightened up and tore a page from her sketchbook. The noise pulled me from my reading and I looked up to see her holding the paper towards me.

I quirked a brow, but she simply shook the paper, signalling for me to take it. With confusion, I took it and became speechless when I saw what she'd drawn. It was me reading the paper, the exact view she must have had from being sat opposite me. It looked exactly like me, probably better since I knew I didn't look that good, and I was amazed at her talent all over again.

"You did this just now?" I asked with disbelief, looking up at her.

She shrugged and distracted herself with her pencil. "Yeah, it's not much. It's not my specialty."

I scoffed. "You're kidding. Wanda, this is amazing!"

Bashful smile on her lips, she glanced up at me. "Maybe it's the best portrait I've done. But I think that's down to my subject."

Even when she was embarrassed, she was still capable of turning the tables on me, leaving me a flustered mess. It was like her superpower. A very annoyingly cute superpower.

"That's what you look like y'know," she continued, nodding to the paper in my hand. "When you're focused on reading. You chew your lip with thought. And you get this little crease–" she pointed between her brows with a laugh, "–right here, and you seem to forget that anything else exists."

A sweet smile spread on her face as she tilted her head, watching me with intimidating eyes, very much aware of the effect her words had on me.

"You're very observant," I said, trying not to stutter, her gaze making me nervous. "Perfect skill for an artist."

She hummed in agreement, though didn't look away. "Mere artistic observation, right?"

My heart was hammering in her chest the longer she stared, especially when her words dawned on me. I'd said the exact same thing after she confronted me about picking her ring. I wondered if she could hear my heart pounding in my ears.

Just like the first time I saw her, I was at a loss for words and couldn't look away. She was compelling, beautiful and remarkable all at once.

—

"Nebo," I said, hoping it was the correct word for 'sky' in Russian, as Wanda had taught me.

She grinned. "Yes! And horizon?"

I pulled a face as I thought carefully. "Er...gorizont?"

"The student is soon to become the master," she said, and I rolled my eyes, knowing that was anything but the truth. I appreciated her encouragement though.

"Okay, before we head to the beach, we have to buy some rock," I told her, leading her to the stall on the promenade. "I got it last time and it's so good."

She furrowed her brows. "What's that?"

I smiled at her expression. "It's a sweet. Kind of like boiled sugar that's formed into a stick of, well, rock."

She didn't seem convinced. "If you say it's good, I trust you, I guess..."

I laughed, grabbing her hand and tugging her to the stall. "You'll love it."

After getting two sticks of rock for Wanda and I, we began to walk to the sand. I glanced at the brunette, wanting to see her reaction. She eyed the hard candy before attempting to bite it, a small piece breaking off at the top. Crunching on it, she scrunched her nose up.

"It's hard," she noted, swallowing the piece. "Tasty, though."

"It's better if you suck on it, love," I let her know with a hidden smile. "Tastes much better."

She did as I said, beginning to suck on the top, and seemed to enjoy it more. Giving me a thumbs up as she sucked it, I couldn't help but laugh again. She looked adorable, so I left her to it and did the same as we walked along the sand and towards the benches in the distance.

Like a child experiencing something for the first time, she began to point excitedly at Blackpool Tower and the ferris wheel in the distance and I just kept nodding along, letting her get excited because it made my heart skip a beat every time she flashed me a smile.

When we reached the benches, I was glad that today wasn't a busy day. It wasn't exactly tourist season, so the beach was scarce of anyone but residents of the town. And even then, our side of the beach was pretty empty, giving us first dibs on a bench that wasn't broken or uncomfortable.

Settling on it, Wanda pulled her legs up and sat cross-legged so she could lean on them and pull out her watercolours. I sat beside her and leaned back, inhaling the salty air and exhaling peacefully. I never had much reason to visit here apart from when my parents took my brother and I on the occasional trip, but it was nice to appreciate the sound of the ocean washing over the sand and the seagulls squawking in the sky. A big difference compared to back home.

Another silence formed between us as she painted the water ahead, and I couldn't help but glance her way, watching her pucker her lips with concentration. All she'd wanted was this and I was glad I could finally give it to her.

So she wouldn't notice, I looked away and stared out at the blue expanse of ocean before me. I should have been appreciating its beauty, but all I could think about was how it was no contest to the girl sat beside me.

"I'm really glad you brought me here today," she said out of the blue after a while, "but I wouldn't have said yes if I'd known you would be bored."

I looked to her and saw she was still preoccupied by her painting. "I'm not bored. We came here so you could see the water and find some new subjects to paint. And that's exactly what we're doing."

She sighed, looking up at me with a questioning glance.

Smiling reassuringly, I said, "I like the quiet. And I like watching you work. You look happy. It's good to see."

She tensed her jaw, stifling a smile, but her eyes said it all. She was grateful. Of course, her eyes were also very easy to get lost in, even if she didn't mean for me to. And right now, under the sun, I found myself drowning in pools of blue.

"What are you thinking?" she asked quietly, a hint of a smile on her face.

Stupidly, I felt compelled to tell her the truth. "I'm thinking about how you have really pretty eyes."

Attempting to make me flustered yet again, her favourite hobby by now I was guessing, she raised a brow teasingly. "Oh, really?"

It didn't bother me this time though, as I maintained eye contact and felt my heart swelling with adoration. "Yes. It's like you hold all the elements in a single gaze."

Her smile faded and that's when I realised what I'd said, my heart dropping to my stomach in an instant. Swallowing hard, I looked away and shook my head. An apology was waiting on the tip of my tongue when she spoke with realisation.

"It was you."

I glanced her way nervously. "What was?"

She was staring like her mind was working something out and I was the missing piece. "The letter that Y/B/N gave me last week. He wrote the exact same thing. What you just said."

My brows knitted together with confusion, then it hit me. The love letter Y/B/N wrote. The one he assured me was for his own eyes. He'd given it to her. And I'd just gone and said the exact thing he'd written on it, no doubt passing it off as is his own words.

"Th–that wasn't me," I got out, shaking my head slowly. "I didn't even know he gave you a letter, Wanda."

She continued to watch me, eyes squinting with scepticism. I swallowed hard under her gaze, trying to think of how I could come back from this. But apparently I didn't have to, because she suddenly leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine.

My mind was foggy when her fingers rested behind my neck, tugging me closer. I closed my eyes, melting at her touch, and began to kiss her back, moving my lips against hers. She was slow and gentle with me, her lips as soft as they looked and sending the butterflies in my stomach into a frenzy. I could have kissed her forever and been content, but my brain finally caught up to my actions and I reluctantly pulled away, stunned.

Glancing around to make sure nobody saw us – there was literally nobody here – I caught my breath and looked back to Wanda. Her eyes were drawn to my lips before they flickered to meet mine, darkened with desire.

"Why did you do that?" was all I could think to ask, and I was acutely aware of her fingers still grasping my neck, the skin burning where her tips grazed.

She licked her swollen lips, expression softening. "I think I've been falling for the wrong Y/L/N."

My lips pressed together, missing the feeling of hers against them. Never in a million years did I expect her to say something like that. I thought she'd been teasing me this whole time, but now, maybe there was truth to her actions.

"Did you really mean what you said?" she asked apprehensively.

"What?"

She swallowed. "What you said about my eyes. Did you mean it?"

Well, she'd kissed me, so there was no going back now.

I nodded, noticing the hesitance in her eyes. "Yes... you're beautiful, Wanda."

She didn't say anything and the silence was deafening. I almost wanted to run back home and pretend this never happened, but that was the cowardly side of me. The other side, the disbelieving side, wanted to stay here with her and keep living in this little bubble we'd created.

"Can I kiss you again?" she finally spoke, eyes flickering between mine for confirmation.

Not trusting myself to speak, I nodded slowly, and she didn't waste another second as she leaned in once again. This time, I wasn't so surprised, so I kissed her back quickly, trying not to think about how wrong this was. How I'd been taught that this was wrong. Because I refused to believe this was wrong, that it was a sin, when it felt so damn right.

Wanda felt right.

—

When I got home later that afternoon, I couldn't stop myself from smiling.

Wanda was all that was on my mind. Everything about her was floating around up there – the contagiousness of her smile, the brightness of her eyes, the taste of her lips. When I left this morning, I wasn't expecting to return with– well, I wasn't sure what we were, but we'd decided to give whatever this was a go.

Of course, she was still engaged to my brother, but I tried not to think about that. She made me happy and maybe in a different lifetime we could have been together, but this was the wrong lifetime which meant I'd have to make some wrong decisions, this possibly being one of them.

The guilt was still present, but the adoration I had for Wanda overpowered it. The fact that she actually liked me back was too thrilling for me to even concern myself with the lack of future this relationship would have. I just wanted to enjoy what we had whilst we had it, even if it meant being together in secret.

"So, how did your trip go?" my mum asked me when I returned, looking up from her knitting.

I stifled my grin the best I could. "It was fun. Wanda loved the seaside."

My mother seemed pleased as she smiled my way. "Y/N, that's great. You know, I'm really proud of you for making an effort with her. It means a lot to everyone."

"Mhm."

"She's going to be your sister-in-law after all," she continued knowingly, "so it's good you're spending time with her. Maybe you could do it more."

I hummed in agreement, my heart fluttering at the possibility of spending more time with Wanda. "Yeah, that could be good."

"Go on upstairs, you must be tired from the travelling," she said after a moment, noticing my distant headspace. "I'm glad you had fun today."

Wanda's smile appeared in my mind again, her lips ghosting my own. I sighed contently.

"Me, too."

#wanda maximoff au #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff #scarlet witch imagine #scarlet witch #elizabeth olsen x reader #elizabeth olsen imagine #elizabeth olsen #marvel #marvel imagine

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quickdeaths · 11 months ago

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At Peko's words, Shinobu's lips curled down into a small frown. "No, I won't need to depart at any point today." And if, for some reason, she did, she'd simply find a way to fulfill her obligations first, for Shinobu Yaguchi wasn't the sort of person to leave things for others for her own benefit. "I'm not so irresponsible or thoughtless as to ask you to handle things yourself. Surely your free time is as valuable as my own, Miss Pekoyama, so I wouldn't think to deprive you of it." Perhaps more so, if Peko Pekoyama spent it doing things she enjoyed, rather than things accepted merely out of obligation.

Of course, that was assuming she had much free time in the first place. Shinobu certainly wouldn't, if her father was more personally attentive regarding her development. As it stood, he was more interested in rubbing shoulders with politicians and cultural leaders, entirely uninterested in his child so long as they continued to win tournaments. How strange, the feeling of being quashed under their father's thumb, restricted in what they could wear, how they could speak, and what home tasks were delegated to them, but to then be ignored often enough to regularly spend weekends on dates. Regardless, perhaps Peko wasn't awarded quite the same amount of curious autonomy, and spent the bulk of her time at her dojo, honing her skills.

Perhaps it would be polite to ask her. The archer wasn't much for conversation merely for the sake of it, but if she was to work closely with Peko over the following weeks, it could be beneficial to have some manner of rapport with her, even if Shinobu was not the sort of person well-suited to any sort of companionship. A hand, marked with a few small bruises and cuts - from housework, rather than from archery - reached for another rice cracker, bringing it to her lips as she thought the idea over. Perhaps not. There really was no reason to force things, when proximity alone would likely facilitate some manner of familiarity, over time.

Her own thoughts were interrupted by the swordswoman's words, prompting a lifting of Shinobu's chin, eyes focusing on Peko's for only a moment before the other woman looked away. "Taishinkan Dojo, mm." The name certainly sounded familiar, though it took them a moment to place it, barely able to keep their expression from twisting into a grimace. Out of hand, she'd dismissed it from the preliminary judgment, owing to the fact that a certain young woman could occasionally be found there, sword in hand and attendants at her side. She was someone Shinobu had no desire to run into again, though, perhaps that concern was rather secondary in the face of the situation at hand.

"You're speaking of this place, aren't you," Shinobu asked, rising from her seat and sorting through another of her folders, before setting an information sheet in front of the other girl. "For personal reasons, I preferred to avoid it, but upon further inspection, and consideration of the alternatives..." Without realizing what she'd done, her teeth found her lip, biting softly with sharp teeth as she again considered things. It would be necessary to go personally, yes, but it would be unlikely to catch Miss Uesugi by coincidence. The event itself would likely draw her attention, but if Shinobu considered things logically, she would surely attend regardless of venue, given her personality, as well as the channels through which the event would be publicized.

Yes, that was the realistic way of looking at things. "If you had the thought to suggest it, even without an information sheet to bring it to mind, then you must have some degree of familiarity, as well as fondness, for it." And if that were the case, then denying its suitability for petty, personal reasons seemed even more out of sorts. To inconvenience or disregard her partner's suggestion, then, lacked basis. "And if that's the case, Miss Pekoyama, then I'd like to consider such a recommendation with the sense and clarity that you deserve."

It was often remarked upon to the archer the intense, piercing quality of her eyes. There were those who found the unyielding red alluring, or intimidating, or both alike. Not that Shinobu had much to do about it, given that it was simply how their face looked. Still, she could only hope that the swordswoman found them neither harsh nor judgmental. Coffee was brought back to her lips, with intent to break up the stare. "My knowledge of Taishinkan Dojo is largely secondhand, and surely some years out of date. Would you be able to speak at more length as to its qualities, Miss Pekoyama? I'd like to hear your opinion."

she doesn't fancy herself as an obtrusive person. not in the slightest, not when she moves breathlessly as a backdrop to yakuza phone calls, presence never tangible beyond that of the physical evidence of her lithe form. her greatest attempt is in mindlessly blocking out any of the words shinobu speaks / she needn't be nosy, and such is a mindset she has harbored since the day she met eyes with the young master. that she needs to know only what is explicitly told to her. the blanking out of her mind is akin to the unrelenting thrum of pounding rain against gray - toned rooftops. with the untrained eye, one might improperly glean that she had forgotten how to breathe, how to speak, how to dip into any facets of personhood beyond that of her somatic being seated. and yet, immediately upon being addressed, a streak of crimson shifts to the other woman in acknowledgment.

❝ i understand, ❞ she says flatly — not out of desire to externalize coldness, but rather distance herself from any stretch of humanity in the circumstances / regret comes only for intruding on the project and not for the sake of peko's own time and purpose. no matter how long this excursion took, when it was over, she would wordlessly skulk back to fuyuhiko's side, returning to her greater purpose as a tool ; though the foolish, youthful words begging for impetus would never leave her lips, they played over, and over, and over in her mind. repeated dissonance in the disharmony of her selfish and blackened heart wanting something, something to be of her own volition and seeking out, and her logical mental framework, which silently comprehends that her value is in carrying out whatever tasks she has been given.

❝ i only ask you alert me should you need to leave abruptly today. ❞ she could ... probably handle this all on her own, all things considered, even with any amount of trial and tribulation in deigning to secure adequate choice in venue and whatever else was bathed in glistening, hopeful light beyond that : but she'd really prefer only to ruminate upon such a fantasy — in the absolute loosest quotes possible — if of utmost necessity. and, as it stood both at present and ere long, that likely wouldn't be necessary.

it wasn't as though selection of venue was something overly difficult in accomplishing, anyway ; one of hope's peaks own gymnasiums was an obvious and evident choice, and yet remains one peko offers little consideration to. after all, garish accoutrements like the school crest painted clumsily onto the floor was an embellishment in the worst possible way for something otherwise intentioned as a love letter to tradition. and, to adequately showcase not just their talents, but everyone else honing a traditional japanese talent, more space would be desired. kendō and kyūdō alone were greedy in their demand for surface area, let alone factoring in general martial arts, aikidō, nihon buyō, and whomever else darkened the halls of the academy with a distinct demeanor. and those so it just wouldn't do.

the paper housing hope's peak's gymnasium as a candidate was promptly discarded into a pile peko taciturnly adjudged to be those removed from the pool. several other potential venues were discarded in similar fashion / in truth, she had a particular location in mind, and had no qualms about going through each locality again if what she had in mind wasn't amidst the paperwork.

[ the place in question was none other than a local dōjō to the academy, one peko herself had sporadically practiced at, of course at the behest of the kuzuryū clan. the setup of the dōjō nevertheless surprised her — perhaps for her typical bearing in mind that most dōjō served as specialized in a particular martial art — that it was more generalized in its purpose. perhaps that was owing to its proximity to hope's peak, that it could receive an outpouring of support and funding so long as it could provide a sacred place for more than kendōka, aikidōka, and kyūdōka / that even dipping into purposes of meditation and programming would be well worth it. and well worth it it was, as the dōjō itself was nothing short of gorgeous. to peko, at least, though she likely wouldn't offer a negative opinion about anything if given the opportunity. the unending funding meant that no sacrifices were to be made for the sake of users clawing for modernity : and such is exactly why it was peko's first choice in venue. ]

❝ excuse me, yaguchi, ❞ she says, eyes flitting up briefly from the stack of papers before her, shifting unsteadily betwixt the two sections once her gaze lowers once more. ❝ was taishinkan dōjō among your potential candidates ? ❞ a beat of silence in her speech, allowing for the abrupt swallowing in her throat before continuing on. ❝ i am not sure if i failed to see it in this pile. but — i believe it to be suitable not only in proximity to the school, but in traditionality and scale as well. ❞

#hopeds #c; the sun-slaying arrow #ducking an ex is not in fact a good reason to ignore a suitable location

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demonslayedher · 3 years ago

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Hello! I don't know if you've been asked about this before but I love your analysis and reflections and I'd love to know all your thoughts about Zennezu if you don't mind 👀⚡🎀 Thanks so much for this blog!! 😊💝

Thank you again for your patience, as well as your comments on my fics and stuff in the meantime (even on Bird Fic, kya~ thank you <3). All my thoughts, hmmmmn…. Well, clearly I am a fluffy ZenNezu shipper and ship-content creator now, but I sure didn’t start that way. This may be long and rambling and mixed between analysis and personal taste. (Actually, it turned into almost 4000 words.)

So. First a little background. I usually am not much of a shipper. The very few OTPs I have all ended in horrific tragedy, and when romance is a big focus of something I’m otherwise enjoying I usually end up not paying much attention to it in favor of all the other elements I like. This is so much more the case when you can tell they’re going to wind up happily ever after. So what happened to make me so soft and fuzzy about the Kimetsu ships, when I otherwise usually don’t have an appetite for happy fluffy romantic endings?

Three major factors: 1. I’m obsessed. 2. I love these characters and want to see anything and everything about them. 3. Romance wasn’t actually a big element at all in canon, so it left me with an appetite and curiosity for it.

Even though I figured from long ago that ZenNezu would be end game, initially I was somewhere between indifferent and put-off. As much as I love Zenitsu, and I acknowledge that Ufotable the added the “run around and chase Nezuko” bit and removed the part with Zenitsu adoringly talking to Nezuko through her box, and as much as he can be defended for being lonely rather a pervert, the fact still stands that his level of appreciation for girls makes the characters around him uncomfortable. His most cringe-worthy lines at the Butterfly Mansion are all straight from the manga, and even though he was easily one of my favorite characters by the end of my initial watch of the series, I was very put off by his “girls are all queens” surface-level comments and more disturbing pleasure he took in the presence of girls (especially when he could physically interact with them), not to mention his pathetic introduction bothering a complete stranger and displaying that he doesn’t actually take girls’ feelings into consideration.

All this made me inwardly groan, feeling bad for Nezuko, figuring they were going to wind up together because she’s a saint who can find the patience to deal with someone like that, as he clearly wasn’t going to be desirable to any of the rest of the female cast. Enjoying the series well enough despite this, it didn’t bother me terribly much, pairings happen, whatever, I have a history of ignoring them. But one day, well and deep into caring about this whole cast like they’re all my children, I realized something. Isn’t… isn’t it cute how they both get their strength from taking naps? W-wouldn’t it be cute to see them innocently take naps together? Naps to protect each other? Oh. Oh-h-h-h-h. Oh dear. Oh no, it’s cute. Oh no. OH NO.

And that was how my warming up to this pairing started, it very quickly grew into “I love these children and I want them to be happy, being with Nezuko will make Zenitsu very, very happy, I love seeing him happy, happy Zenitsu” but was still a little reserved about Nezuko. Zenitsu was going to make her happy, right? It wasn’t just going to be a case of Nezuko having gotten fond of him over the course of everything they’ve been though, he is actually going to be her taste and make her heart go “kyun” right? Oh Nezuko, oh saintly Nezuko…

Let’s take a moment to pause here and think chronologically, though, as well as analyze their personalities and tastes. Neither of them are particularly picky, we can start there. Aside from fussy busy-bodies like Aoi, as long as it’s a girl, any girl is Zenitsu’s type. He’s desperate, and he’s painted the whole of girl-kind in pretty similar, not always realistic rosy colors. Even though he’s been used and abused by so many girls in his past, it’s his desire to believe that each new one he meets will fit that rosy imaginary color he paints over them that he chooses to let himself be duped, because he really is that lonely. I’ll give him that, sure, he’s a healthy young man with an interest in physical touch, but his dream in Mugen Ressha gives a good indication of what he’s really looking for: companionship, someone who likes spending time with him, someone who will find him useful and believe in him and look to him for protection, someone who likes him enough to spare him the physical intimacy of simply holding his hand. This is all an extension of what Zenitsu desires as whole, hoping he can better himself enough to be reliable and valued in general. Picturing it in the form of a significant other is one very vivid way to focus all those feelings, resulting in that rosy ideal which Zenitsu probably knows in his heart of hearts is too good to be true. That’s why he probably doesn’t think he’s ever going to find it, and therefore why he’s all over any slightest chance of attaining it.

My gosh, if being abandoned over and over isn’t enough, the fact that none of the girls he dated in the past were ever willing to even hold his hand hurts so much.

Nezuko, though, grew up in a secure family with a good relationship to observe between her parents. She probably always envisioned growing up to be like her mother, the quintessential “good wife, wise mother” (a phrase coined later on in the Taisho period to idealize the traditional roles of a woman). She cooks and cleans and sews and the first fanbook even tells us she was good at using an abacus, so she can handle family finances like a pro. Her traditional values probably made her tastes pretty standard, hoping for a reliable protector, but also someone who might be as kind as her father and her brother. But as for what makes her heart go doki-doki? The extra comic at the end of volume 3 tells us that she does long since have a type, it’s a person who’s like a Hisha.

Hisha: a chess/Shougi piece that can move an unlimited number of spaces in horizontal and vertical directions, and is crowned a dragon when it enters enemy territory.

So, yes, this is the part where we all smile and point at Gotouge and say, “I see what you did there, Wani-sensei.”

I find this reassuring; it tells me that Nezuko can find her heart squeezed at how cool Zenitsu is instead of just coming around and liking him because she was flattered by his affection and learned to see how nice he is and stuff. There are plenty of nice Demon Slayers who are strong and cool protectors, but that ZING that Zenitsu has (when he’s asleep) is something that can make her heart race. I’m all for this. I hinge so much of my ZenNezu feelings on this Hisha comment.

The second fanbook states that Nezuko initially had trouble sorting out her memories, and because Zenitsu gave her two such different impressions, it felt like memories of two different people, but over time the memories overlapped to form one complete person. We could say that she and Zenitsu had two first meetings.

Initially, when she was in the box, her little demon heart did go doki-doki; it was the first time a boy besides her brother had protected her, so even though Oniichan is Number One in her heart for the general duration of canon, this encounter was sure to leave a flattering impression. However, when they met face to face that night, he was just some confusing dandelion yelling and screaming about weird stuff, and then he was just a confusing (and possible bothersome) dandelion wanting to hang around her and give her flowers and stuff. It’s anyone’s guess just how “there” Nezuko was at this stage, as she does seem to gain back more of her own will and thought processes over the course of the series, rather than being guided by very, very simple rules to govern her behavior.

Zenitsu feel in love at first sight, and the second fanbook tells us he asked Tanjiro about her human personality, seeing as she wasn’t fully there. He was initially doubtful that anyone so perfect as Nezuko could exist and figured Tanjiro must had been biased and therefore exaggerating, but can we blame Zenitsu for being a smidge guarded? He’s been let down a lot, after all.

We know from Taisho Secrets and side novels that Zenitsu spent a lot of time with Nezuko during their long recovery at the Butterfly Mansion. Even how much more thought we see Nezuko display in the Train arc, she probably underwent a lot of mental development in this time, and my guess is that due to how much he interacted with her, this is probably when Zenitsu went from being a strange dandelion to a strange companion. She probably focused more on the goldfish and the pretty flowers (which he did take her to see!) and any flattering mention of her brother, though. Zenitsu, I’m relieved to say, seemed to genuinely care about what would make Nezuko happy instead of selfishly assuming something like “she likes me too, she wants to marry me.” But knowing Zenitsu, he probably assumed that her willingness to spend time with him was an indication of being willing to talk marriage once she was more herself again, though.

Let’s pause here and put on our Oniichan goggles, though. Early on, Tanjiro has to insist to just about everyone that Nezuko is still her own person with her own thoughts and feelings. Being a demon has taken a lot of her freedom to act on her true nature away from her, but he knows she’s still in there and he treats her like an equal human being. He had to watch over and over as people see his sister and only think, “demon.”

And then there’s his friend Zenitsu, who looks at her and thinks, “girl. Girl! Girl. Girl. Sweet girl, adorable girl, best girl in the world.” And maybe that’s a little bothersome, but yes, someone gets it!! Someone understands! Even though Tanjiro’s initial concerns are keeping Nezuko from being bothered by unwelcome advances, as long as Zenitsu is willing to respect that Nezuko is not entirely able to speak for herself now, he seems pretty approving of Zenitsu (provided Nezuko decides she likes him back). I’d like to think there was an unspoken promise between bros on what boundaries to follow. Besides that, Tanjiro believes in Zenitsu a lot more than Zenitsu believes in himself, so Tanjiro probably wasn’t worried about the “strong protector” role a future husband should fulfil. Or at least, Tanjiro doesn’t seem concerned once he gets to know Zenitsu, he’d have rejected Zenitsu flat-out on that first meeting. Zenitsu, you are so lucky Tanjiro is so forgiving.

However, for as much as Zenitsu sees Nezuko as “GIRL!! Girl, girl, girl!”, he’s still got his rosy vision that conveniently clouds out any disturbing realities. She is, after all, a demon.

This is something Zenitsu never actually had the chance to struggle with, and I would have really liked to see him challenged by that reality a bit more. He never witnessed Nezuko’s berserker mode, nor did he ever see her struggle to keep from eating someone, he wasn’t even awake to watch her fight like a violent animal/angry toddler on the train. Had there been a scene of Zenitsu forced to face how terrifying she had potential to be, it would had really sold his commitment to Nezuko specifically, instead of only Nezuko as his most likely girlfriend candidate.

On the train, Nezuko has the good fortune of seeing another side of Zenitsu, getting one hell of a doki-doki moment. As she’s gaining more self-awareness back, it probably made those doki-dokis more complex too. While I understand there wasn’t a good opportunity to fit in the pace of the story, I love that Taisho Secret of her concerned about him before he wakes up. Instead of him just being that boy who shows her pretty things and says nice things about her Oniichan, this is when he starts becoming something a little more unique among all the people whom little demon Nezuko has bet and who have been nice to her.

In the months that follow, we don’t get much deviation from this slow development. Zenitsu’s feelings toward Nezuko don’t really change at all, but there’s another thing about this ship: neither one chose the other over anybody else. They sort of just came together, Zenitsu gets hooked on one girl at a time, but what if someone had come along with an interest in him? At what point would he had given up on Nezuko? Probably pretty quickly, if someone was serious enough about him. It wouldn’t have been a break up either, since he was still in the pursuing stages (might be more of a break-up conversation with Tanjiro, who had been tacitly supportive).

Actually, for most of the remainder of the series, the affection that Nezuko and Zenitsu build for each other is done when they’re apart, dwelling on their thoughts of each other. For Nezuko, we see this come out after the Swordsmith Village arc in her sunlit elation to see him again, and her efforts to greet him. She very clearly recognizes him and is happy to see him, a big difference compared to how she was more elated by the sight of a fishbowl before. In Zenitsu’s case, this deepening of his affections and running away with his thoughts and feelings results him declaring once and for all, this is her. He’s found her. This is the girl who he will be committed to his whole life, in his heart she is already his wife.

When human!Nezuko is gaining her memories back, her first impressions are of the boy showing her pretty things and giving her flowers, someone who probably has a crush on her, rather than thinking back to someone who she may have had a crush on. (Those cool impressions probably hit her later, I’m assuming, given the stress of the moment.) Romance is not immediately on her mind, though she does quickly recall having friendly affection for this boy for has always been so sweet to her. And Nezuko, handling his surprising level of affection gracefully, helps Zenitsu off the battlefield while he’s in terrible pain (though she probably was too, my poor girl, that fight with demon!Tanjiro was so rough). But honestly, not only is she probably too overwhelmed by everything to think much about romance, but she probably doesn’t take Zenitsu very seriously initially. She knows he’s got a tendency to overexaggerate, and it’s nice that he’s so sweet to her, but since he acts all fluffy and silly around her she probably thinks he’s not being that serious either. Furthermore, she’s got a lot of people to suddenly care about, Zenitsu has a lot to contend with for trying to get special attention. Hell, Zenitsu was probably awake and causing a racket while she was frantic with worry that comatose Giyuu might die. While she did remake Jiichan’s haori to fit Zenitsu’s later, see spent her time in the hospital mending Giyuu’s haori (Nezuko, baby, doesn’t your hand hurt though!?). While Zenitsu was swept up in happy “Nezuko is human now, we’re totally gonna get married” feels, he probably didn’t even notice that he was only one slice in a very big pie of memories that Nezuko suddenly found in her lap and had to slowly chew and digest.

So… this brings us to the extra post-canon comic in the second fanbook, which I initially did not like very much back when it came out in February. I’ve come around a lot to it, but what really hit me at first was “oh no, Nezuko really is only going to accept this marriage because she’s a saint, he’s not being desirable at all.”

But, treating it with a little more patience and sympathy for Zenitsu… he’s just gotten what he’s always wanted, of course he’s going to stop striving a bit and get blissfully carried away in it. And Nezuko, the ever sweet, isn’t going to stop him.

Some of the other commentary in the fanbook states that Zenitsu, for a time, found himself terrified of how girls could be sweet to his face while hiding their true thoughts about him. But, finding that Nezuko was not at all two-faced, he nearly “died and went to heaven” as the exaggeration goes. He doesn’t like to work hard in the first place (but does, because it will make people like Jiichan proud), so getting away with being spoiled is too big of a temptation to resist. Nezuko is sensitive to what makes the people around her happy or uncomfortable, so she never makes any request of Zenitsu. She’s so grateful to have their new little family that her happiness is everyone else’s happiness, she doesn’t really desire a heartthrob romance, even if being a wife and mother is an eventual goal. And, without being under any pressure to make someone proud, Zenitsu gets swept away and indulges.

Thank you, Tanjiro, for putting a stop to this.

He’s still rooting for Zenitsu, since this is his friend and he knows it would make his friend happy to wind up with Nezuko, but he’s setting himself up for failure, or setting Nezuko up to be cheated out on a good match at this rate (if she were to accept out of being nice). Very, very thankfully, Zenitsu responds well to pressure. By this point Nezuko has gotten so used to sweet but indulgent Zenitsu that he seems she totally accepted that his Hisha side didn’t exist anymore, if it even existed in the first place.

Good for Zenitsu asking for her response a year later (when they’d be getting to the legal marriage ages for the Taisho period anyway), he knew he still had shaping up to do to earn her affection. And Nezuko probably needed time to build some admiration for him again, since the doki-dokis were so gone. Even if he couldn’t use that super cool Thunder Breath anymore, it would probably catch her attention to see him strive again, to put effort into being manly, specifically for her. It wasn’t just the Thunder Breath that gave her doki-dokis, it was the Hisha knight-like attitude too, whether asleep and acting on his inner potential, or awake and bravely defending her based on his own goodness and faith.

I hope that in their married life, Zenitsu will retain that sort of manliness in being a provider for her, even he does get indulged a lot at home.

Now for how this plays into some of my fanwork and headcanons:

You know how I said all my OTPs were tragedies? Yeah, I love a good dose of angst. I did start writing a single-scene fic one time of injured Zenitsu desperately trying to cover Nezuko from the sun while waiting for Tanjiro to find them, and in Nezuko’s panic about the sun she starts losing her self-control over her appetite, and Zenitsu is forced to confront that the girl he loves could very easily kill him. I never finished it, though, and it was embarrassingly self-indulgent.

For my big favorite AU of a monster fanfic, I did add more ZenNezu on the massive edit, because by this point I just enjoy ZenNezu so much that I wanted more of it. But!! What I really like about working with it in this fic is that there’s a conflict: Demon!Tanjiro. In this canon divergence, Human!Nezuko and Zenitsu get to interact more than they ever did while she was a demon, and they both already have affection for each other, but the lingering fact that Tanjiro is technically their enemy gives me some tension and angst to work with.

Yes, I wrote a One Shot of Zenitsu and Nezuko as fresh new parents, but it was a bit of a dark dive into Zenitsu’s feelings of inadequacy. But domesticity comes with some inevitable fluff anyway, and likewise it felt embarrassing indulgent, and I can’t write fluff without a little bittersweetness. M…maybe the reason I’m not a shipper is because I’m easily flustered???

I’d like to think that Zenitsu got a desk job that he worked hard at because he wants to be a provider, and Nezuko does find his hard work attractive. I headcanon it was at an electric company, because hahahaha, electricity. I’d like to think he had a long career in that company (and although his colleagues know him for having a bit of an extreme personality and being obsessed with his wife, they sometimes catch glimpses of a very, very strong side of Zenitsu—like, scarily strong), and that when he’s old and retired in the Postwar Economic Miracle, he buys a fancy camera to take pictures of Nezuko (instead of “say cheese” it’s “Thunderclap and Flash!”), and he takes Nezuko to Paris because that’s the romantic thing to do. Also, I don’t like moustaches as a rule, but I totally approve of old man Zenitsu having a fluffy moustache.

World War Two, though… I’d like to think that if his job had him in the city, he was extremely reliable when it came to protecting his family in case of bombing. I’d also like to think that this was when the Kamado family moved to the city, because Nezuko was worried about Kanao and her nieces and nephews, so Zenitsu made sure they were all together. Inosuke might had taken the opposite route and taken his family to the mountains to shelter out there in the wild.

AAAAHHHH, listen to me being so self-indulgent with headcanons, I pride myself on sticking close to canon in my fanwork, I will never produce this, AAAAHHHH, I’m embarrassed~~~~I---I’m not a shipper! No! I don’t have a shipper’s bone in my body! Who needs romance, it means nothing to me, I don’t get swept up in happy fantasies about young newlywed Zenitsu and Nezuko, really I don’t, I take what canon gives me and I stick with it, I’m here for bromance and comradery and fights to the death, I—I don’t need disgusting fluffy feelings, ew, ew, no, really-----ahhh, too flustered, too flustered, too flustered, no, no, no, no, no, no, WHEN DID I BECOME A SHIPPER, nnnnnnnnhhhhjjjj

Which is all to say that Zenitsu and Nezuko as a pairing really grew on me, even though it is essentially a fluffy happy pairing that only got surface-level interaction and was never seriously challenged. It’s got some shadows lurking in there, especially diving into Zenitsu’s heart, but in general this was a slow build-up of mutual affection between two characters with pretty simple desires of their own, and most of all, a desire to see each other happy. That makes it a good comfort ship.

And they’re both are sleepyheads, hNNNGGGHHHhhhhHHHHHHHHHHH

#4000 words over the course of which I slowly begin to lose my cool #Zennezu #Zenitsu x Nezuko #Agatsuma Zenitsu #Kamado Nezuko #Kimetsu no Yaiba #kny #demon slayer #KnY Fandom Theories and Meta

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space-blue · 2 years ago

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for the fanfic ask thingy- 🎨? would like to know for...reasons. :))

Good evening! Thanks for the ask, from those!

And omg

🎨 How do you feel about fan art of your stories?

I feel EXTREMELY good about them. In a totally normal way. hahaha. Totally not freaking out when I get fanart ahahaa.

I mean, it's the dream of most fic writers, right? I guess every form of lasting interaction is fab. Someone writes a fic based on yours? Does a fanart? Binds your fic? Records a podcast? Leaves a long (or series of long) comments?

This means they not only enjoyed themselves but spent a lot of time thinking/interacting with your story. It's simply one of the best compliments one can receive. Also probably the closest to a professional experience (as in, I'm a content creator and just received a "fandom interaction" for my own creation, even if it to is a fan creation of some original work). Fandom love all the way down.

I often integrate fanart in works. I've been blessed with a lot of it for Meeyan Bane, and TQ did some fantastic art for my Zaundad reconciliation AU, which I added as the final chapter. But I've also included fanart in some cases where I was doing a fic for art.

In general I find it awesome and love the cross exposure artists and fanartists can give each other. I've been part of two big bangs too, and though I found being the artist too stressful (from lack of confidence), I'd be the writer again for sure!

I love art, and I know how hard it can be, so I always see it as a very high form of compliment! <3

#ask #writing #fanart #fanfic #thanks for the ask!!

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offrozenmemoirs · 10 months ago

Text

"Ah, well...To be honest, I've never traveled before a few months ago. When I first set out on this journey. I...Often stayed pretty close to my cloister, so I'm afraid I've only just now gotten to travel. Though after becoming a deathwatcher, I did get to explore a bit more within Rivera. I enjoyed getting to see other towns but most of the time, I was only following a senior member around to learn the ropes so to speak. I'm afraid I was too busy focusing on work to really enjoy any details about where I got to go."

Some days, he felt a bit strange about admitting he was a homebody. He'd gotten to see so much in such a short amount of time, and it's a good thing. Though he also has to admit he's only really spent any real time within the realms of deities. Pharasma's court, for as much as some people expected, was more like a quiet library, with the Deathwatchers being the ones who provided any signs of life within. He can remember many an argument had between his fellow members, often coming to blows one minute, and the next, they would find a tavern to wind down in the mortal realm.

"I can tell you about Pharasma's court, I'm sure everyone expects it to be kind of grim and dour, but the reality is that there's a strange beauty to it. The only place that really fits the description is the Lady's throne room. It's actually quite full of life. I used to spend a lot of time within the gardens. They make for quite the relaxing place for reading in downtime."

Seraph gave a fond, wistful smile as he thinks about it. He remembers not really knowing how to interact with his fellow watchers, only really used to Rhodine's company. Not to mention the strange vortex of feelings he had found himself caught in. A tryst with one Sir Soup Thornshield, the first person he had ever been intimate with. Dealing with a budding crush that he squashed on Robert...It could be said that he was still learning about what it meant to be in love with someone else.

Now there were those same feelings in regard to his companion, Sino. Maybe it was him being far too new to such things that made it so easy for him to fall for another. Then again, if that were the case, would he not have fallen in love with Rhodine for their companionship during his time in the cloister?

"Ah, sorry, got lost in thought for a moment. I'm afraid I have a habit of doing that lately, if I'm not focusing on a task or the like."

Though, he does admit, he's gotten far better at talking with people, holding long conversations or simply sitting and listening when needed.

"Were I not on this quest, I suppose I'd enjoy my travels much more. I've visited the Village of the Wintertouched with my friends, though we needed to go there anyway to restore my sister, Eleanor. Ingora was nice, and I suppose I wound up thinking of it as home, but spending so long there...I guess that's natural. I have family there too, Duke Joseph Albarea and Goldie! Ah, and I suppose Miss Veera too, whenever Joseph decides to marry her."

He had family, and that meant a lot, but he supposes that he's always had family, be it one of choice, or the one he was born with. Sino, Soup and he supposed Sebastian and Soot were a part of that family of his as well. An odd family, to be certain, but it was his and he belonged there.

"Did you know my father has a habit of having ice sculptures made of his children? Because I didn't, so when I came out of my room in a hotel on the morning of my birthday...I got so scared by the sight, I jumped about thirty feet across the room. Especially at the sight of one of father's attendants. I'm sure Sino and Soup got a good chuckle out of it though."

The elf laughs softly as he thinks back, he really does have some good memories, far more good than the bad, if he had to be honest.

"The only place I don't really like is Meneer...And even then, that was more because of the Mayor. He used an artifact of my father's to hold Eleanor to his service far longer than he should have. I understand him now...He was doing what he thought was right for his village but...The idea of being used has never sat right with me. Especially when she would have stayed if he had just asked. She's a woman of honor."

Meneer had been an unpleasant memory of his, given that he watched someone die in front of him that day. He was a cleric first and foremost, he had been taught to save lives, so even if he had death explained to him, and never felt bothered by the possibility of his own, seeing it happen in front of him and not being able to do anything about it...That had angered him. He's sure that if it was him alone, he would have hurt the mayor. So nowadays, he can only hope the man took his words to heart.

"Sorry, I don't mean to bring the mood down. This is supposed to be a pleasant talk between friends, is it not?"

Warmer and warmer, Maisie's cheeks are hot like tinder sparked into a new campfire. Seraph reminds her that his deep slumber lasted nearly half a month. Her eyes avert, and her shoulders slump. A measly sound leaves her voice as she scavenges some pride and says, "My apologies; that is true," and nothing else. Not another sound escaped her lips, but her ears were slightly perked, still receptive to conversation.

Whence this all begins, they return to the tower. Unavoidable it is since the intersection of seven lives happened there; it was off-balanced by the surprising third added to the mix, the scorched-eyed retainer of Khorne.

No one reacted to their counterparts well; Maisie's stomach knots at her first memory. There were many strong and outward reactions from the demi-spirit duo; the now former Elroses cringed at one another (with a third "fun" other in the mix); the gnomes, well, that was certainly a difference that must've either up at night after that.

'How all prior motions and plans cleaved after that, how little time evaporated in what felt like hours when it was weeks. What little forgiveness was given in its aftermath. How could I have even anticipated it?'

Hospitable and gleeful as she may present to family and guests, the last week has been a challenge of peaks and troughs in her emotional state: relief, disappointment, confusion with a dash of glee, dread, and guilt.

A flower will still bloom in the wake of ruin. After all, she was resilient and adaptive, Maisie tells herself. Even a tattered flower is still a flower, right?

"It is well to hear that all three of you are doing and keeping yourselves healthy. The journey for your party will be quite a lot, but there's harmony among you three. As for Mister Igarashi, between you and me," a little mirth is in her voice as if to console Seraph, "leaving your father's domain may be thawing him a bit. As I said, he comes to our home and knows he is welcome."

Maisie's hand moves from her chin to her chest, feeling her heartbeat beneath her palm. She nods, saying, "The Lady of Balance would be proud to hear you imparting her wisdom. But there's no need to worry; everything is going well in Dewburrow." As sure as the stars, she knows that as long as the village is thriving, she'll be fine, too.

However, the length of Maisie's index finger taps in the rhythm of her heartbeat. Her eyes narrow, scrutinizing the ripples in the water. "Going somewhere you've never been to is always exciting, isn't it? Traveling for vacation allows someone to partake in anything with their schedule. Mine isn't for pleasure or leisure; it's for work."

"I must confess that one of my most cherished instances was that initial trip to a new place. Around my adolescence, around the age of 16, I would feel a certain degree of nervousness and clumsiness upon arriving, but I was rather quick to drop my apprehensions." Maisie's other hand rests above the other, eyes looking downwards, caught in the reel of a time ago.

"Port cities are quite hectic. Traveling on a boat can also make someone queasy if they aren't ready for the sudden ship rocking. Ma suggested bringing ginger on the trip and consume along the way to keep the stomach settled. It works wonders. She also says looking at the horizon helps the mind not feel off-balanced," then she laughs, eyes twinkling, "or even getting into the water!"

"Rather than dwelling in town or major cities when I was new, my younger self always stayed on the outskirts or outside. Sometimes, it was caravans, forests, or myself alone in the forest. Perhaps it was because of my origins, but I found myself better exploring the wilderness, going on foot to discover the flora and fauna, and even communicating with citizens. That's where I best learned what a kingdom is like rather than relying on the painted and prettied places meant to be spectacles. Goodness, even Tahrea has their crown cities, but the real Tahrea lies outside."

Soon, her eyes return to Seraph, sighing. "You never realize how small you are, no pun intended, when you step outside the burrow and realize there's more beyond the forest. A rabbit hops everywhere before it comes and gets back home." Else, the wolves eat them.

"How about you? What's traveling like for you? Where have you been?"

#take to the skies (in character; seraph)#allthatisleftinthedark

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thotsforvillainrights · 2 years ago

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I’m not sure if you do matchups for OCs but I’m extremely curious. They aren’t really created for BNHA but I’ll try to give the best description that I can!

He has the ability to change his appearance to suit whatever situation he is in, however the most common traits are a small yet muscular stature with an appearance that suggests he is in his late 20s or early 30s. His face is often hidden via the use of various masks (his favourite being a piece of paper with a smiley face drawn on) so there’s nothing much to say there other than short, neat brown hair can sometimes be visible. His clothing choices often consist primarily of suits or sometimes woollen jumpers. He also doesn’t really have a dating preference when it comes to gender, though he does tend to be slightly more interested in men.

His personality can change along with his appearance so getting along with people is extremely easy for him. He can go from being extremely serious, humourless, distant and quiet: to then caring, fatherly, sweet and affectionate; only to then become loud, chaotic, funny and social. This isn’t done out of a desire to manipulate though. It’s done so that he is able to avoid rejection from others, which he is quite afraid of, and it’s even done subconsciously 99% of the time. Despite this fear, however, he tends to give off an air of confidence and can seem very approachable. He doesn’t really have many hobbies to speak of since he tends to focus most of his time working, but he does deeply enjoy people watching or walking around large cities or feeding birds in any nearby parks. He tends to enjoy singing as well, though he mostly does it while other people aren’t around.

This isn’t a very long description but I did my best to think of anything important. I’m sorry if it’s too short though.

(Sure I do! I looked back to check and I totally used to do it for OC's. The only thing I'd add for anyone reading this to maybe include a name or nickname for me haha. For this work I'll just refer to him as "OC", hope you like it!)

Match-Up #21

-I match him with Mummy-

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up

-The two of them likely met in the dead of the night. Makihara had mistaken him for one of his targets he'd been hired to take out. Given his ruthless practices as a mercenary, he'd attacked swiftly and without a second thought in his mind. Had the mask not fallen from OC's face then Makihara would've likely killed him on the spot. OC quickly picked up his mask and high tailed it out of there, clearly shaken up from the whole ordeal and secretly regretting his nighttime walking ritual. Makihara simply stood there and watched the man run off into the darkness of the night. He'd not only made his first big mistake on the job, but he'd also set into motion a chain of events that would lead to him breaking one of his most sacred rules: don't fall in love.

-Makihara developed a tendency towards basically stalking OC ever since Makihara caught a glimpse of them. It was distracting him from his usual business both with his clients and with helping Nine out as well. The only thing on his mind lately was that look of shock on a beautiful face illuminated underneath the pale shine of the full moon. Makihara spent his days trying to develop a speech to not only apologize but to also win over the heart of the man with the masks. So he stayed low and always kept vigilant. He learned OC's behavior, all of his mannerisms in a week or two's time. He noticed the way his personality shifted forms just as easily as he did. He wasn't a social butterfly yet he was at the same time. He was able to navigate his way through any conversation with any person he spoke to, often settling himself like molding clay to the person he was with in that moment. To Makihara he'd seemed like a huge people pleaser. If Chimera were here in the moment, he'd call it 'extreme ass kissing' and Slice would refer to it as manipulation. Neither of these were the case as Makihara would come to learn after he'd gotten into a relationship with OC. It taken perhaps a full month before Makihara decided to stage his 'accidental' running into OC on the streets. He'd toss away his pride and apologize without hesitation. OC had taken it with a grain of salt while still managing to make Makihara believe he trusted him fully. One apology date led to another, and still another that finally led into the full relationship.

-To OC, Mummy was a rather interesting person to be in a relationship with. The man always seemed to be at a loss for words whenever he'd viewed OC without a mask of sorts, and he also tended to stick around in silence as he watched OC work around the house on his off days. Mummy was always watching and sometimes sneering without even knowing. After a while OC had broken down to ask if Mummy hadn't truly liked him as much as he let off, and worry was very apparent on his face when asking this. Mummy had snapped out of his trance and stared at OC apologetically. "Sorry...I just stare and I'm not the best at expressing myself. To answer your question, you're the only person I tolerate more than anyone else." The conversation sloped downward after that. In translation: Mummy cared a great deal about OC and was just awful at expressing it. It was clear the longer the two of them stayed together however. Mummy had taken to hoarding some of OC's suits and jumpers, and claiming them as his own. "We're a couple yes? Then what's mine if yours and what's yours is mine" the man grumbled before wrapping himself up in yet another article of OC's clothing. Aside from this, Mummy also tended to offer for them to go on walking dates considering that's what he knew OC was most pleased with. He figured it would help getting the man's face out of work if he held the idea of walking over his head. OC accepted the offer every time and Mummy always felt rather accomplished afterward. Although he was silent and bad at expressing himself, sometimes Mummy would surprise OC by offering stern yet loving words of support. "Don't be afraid to show yourself whole around me. I love you as you are, no matter what flaws you may think you have." He wanted that mask off when OC was around him, both physical and metaphorical. He didn't want OC to think he needed to pretend to be accepted by him. Never in a million years.

-One of the most fulfilling moments of dating to Mummy was the day he accidentally heard OC singing to himself in the shower. He was organizing the mask drawer (no doubt an obvious act of love) when he'd heard a light humming from the bathroom. OC likely thought Mummy was out of the house and grabbing them a shared breakfast since that's what Makihara usually did in the mornings. He approached the bathroom door slowly and quietly before placing his ear over the door and listening closely. Masked ever so slightly by the shower water was a melody falling so sweetly from the lips of his lover. Mummy could've stood there all day and listened to the song if it hadn't been for the sound of the water shutting off abruptly and the shower curtain being moved to the side. Mummy reluctantly moved his head from the cold wooden door and quickly crept out of the house before OC could notice he was even there in the first place. Now he'd likely find this to be his new favorite activity of the mornings. Anytime he could catch a song being sung by his love, he'd stop and listen with the hopes that OC would someday be brave enough to sing it to him and for him.

#match up

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puddygeeks · 3 years ago

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Hello! First of all, I hope you have a nice day and that the sun will shine and your flowers will bloom - in case you have any - and that life treats you kind. Second of all, I want to tell you thank you. I haven't spend much time on your blog (yet) BUT I've read all your one shots/imagines/whatever they're actually called from The 100 as well as all published chapters of Partners in Crime (I hope that's the title of your John Murphy WIP, I'm sorry but sometimes I confuse them...) and I sincerly love the story. I am even in love with your writing style. I guess you've been doing stuff like this for a long time already (that or you're a natural, maybe both ;)), but you have your own writing style, very unique but likeable. You don't dive into unnecessary detaills too much, but you manage to pick the right describtions in the right moments. Additionally, you masterd the ability of describing a character's emotions without naming the emotions, and you leave the reader yearning for more. You don't just simply give us the kiss at the best first moment, no, you make the characters (and us) work for it. Anticipation and patience are the keys! Additionally, I like that Cassidy is not the usual The 100 OC - she's not exceptionally strong or strong-willed. It's more like the opposide, yet very realistic. You know what I mean? She doesn't drop her very plausible behaviour right away just because her (possible) love interest appears out of nowhere. It's a slow character development just like it's supposed to be. Also, I like Murphy's wit. Absolutely sounds like Murphy from the show and yet it's refreshing. I think you manage to portray all characters very authentic and realistic and just as they are, not as OOCs. By the way, I got a question to your story: Did you read the books and that's where your plot comes from or did you just create your own plot within the original? Because I'm pretty sure at least the hunting trip from chapter 11 as well as Zoey are never mentioned in the show. If you did come up with it yourself, you got my deepest respect because that's a whole other class of fantasy/imagination/own creativity. Also, I just wanna let you know that it's okay to feel overwhelmed. It's okay to take a step back and maybe put some WIPs on hold or give up on them completely. After all, you're giving this to us for free while you give up your precious time to write it. You should do it for yourself, first and foremost, and not to please the audience. If you lose the interest or just don't feel motivated or whatever, it's alright to take a step back and handle your emotions. Do what YOU want to do and feel like doing. I'd be sad if you'd stop writing completely (and I'd be sad if you left Partners in Crime unfinished), but as I said before and will repeat as much as neccessary: Do what you want to do. We're in no position or right to force you into anything else. You should enjoy the process just as much as the finished product.

This being said, I still hope you have a nice, wonderful, sunny day and are being treated kind and with respect wherever you may be. I bet you're gonna hear something from me again. Thank you.

Oh my goodness, thank you so much for this! This honestly just brought me to tears. I’ve never had such a heartfelt and wonderful response to my writing, so thank you for taking the time to send this, especially now when I am feeling deflated.

I’ve actually been writing since I was little and always had a love for it, but only really committed to it in the last couple of years. I’m glad you love my style, it’s always evolving and I do try to always be open to learning so that means a lot. I always love the suspense of two characters falling in love, sometimes even more than when they finally get together! That’s probably why I’ve always fallen into the “slow burn” category of teasing my readers with lots of almost moments and making them wait forever before anything happens 😂

Cassidy is absolutely very different to most characters, even for me. Most of the time my OCs are very fiesty and overpowering, so it’s been interesting to write someone so timid. I’ve also had the best time developing her and Murphy’s relationship and figuring out how they compliment each other considering how opposite their personalities are.

It makes me so happy to hear that you feel the characters are in character, especially Murphy! Most of my editing is spent re-writing his dialogue to keep it as sharp witted as he is, so I’m so excited to hear that it works! I have my wonderful beta @cheriesbucky to thank for helping me to keep everyone in character. I will also mention that Zoey is actually her OC who she assists in writing for my story 😊

I’ve actually never read the books, but I might once I eventually finish the show. All of the new plots are original works of mine, based on the journey that I wanted Cassidy to take and also making her and Murphy’s relationship develop naturally, instead of being forced into the confines of the show. In fact, I can imagine that a lot of the story to come will be AU as although I would like to keep a lot of the major events that shape Murphy into the loveable cockroach that we all know, there are some things that don’t fit with my vision for the two of them.

I honestly try to stick to writing for myself. Fortunately I still have a lot of love for my 100 stories and OCs. It’s important for me to stick to my own vision for them, even if I don’t think that my readers will like some of the things they do or say. I feel like what makes my OCs interesting is that they are different from the majority and though I’m sure that is part of the reason that my readership is on the smaller side, I’d rather be true to them.

Thank you again for all of your kind words. I can’t adequately explain how much they have warmed my heart and motivated me. You’ve recharged my inspiration more than you can know. I’ll be writing another chapter of Partners In Crime tomorrow especially for you 🖤

Lots of love

Puds

#fanfiction #fanfic #oc #writing #cw #the 100 fanfiction #john murphy #the 100 #Cassidy Ballard #john murphy the 100 #John murphy fanfiction #dailyjmurphy

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