#(tho i half suspect that i got into this mess in the first place bc tol toni was the og toni and also ONLY toni on this blog so. lmao)

[abyssmalice]

(tl;dr flower has Super Important Thonkies ft. how to describe and address my tonis bc let's face it - having two characters with technically the same name and origin point within the same media also is kinda hard to juggle in terms of how to address them by literal name without confusing even me dgsdyugdsyugsdyu)

so as everyone knows, i basically have two tonis on this blog -

they are the same character but also not - they follow a specific AU each, but also exist in a concurrent state that allows them to interact with each other in addition to other muses.

which is definitely very weird to read and wrap one's head around, but borrowing from the honkie games -

you can think of the two tonis in the same vein as expies - like how impacto three and star railing has a character named Bronya, both of whom are the same but also very much not, and exist concurrently (hi3 bronnie is on earth, hsr bronnie is in a different galaxy; they can Technically encounter each other, circumstances permit. and im not even going to touch upon the silver wolf = haxxor bunny connections lol).

though really, my tonis are a lot closer to how hi3 does expies - the same character but very much not, split between different cycles of history.

if that helps make it make sense then yessss hooraaaaay!!!!!

im not done yet though.

so!!!! now that we have the premise of "here are two tonis who are the same but not" laid down, here's where my main thonkie is!! with how to actually distinguish them when addressing one of the two.

both of them are named Tonia, albeit with a different surname. their personalities, positions, experiences and even physical appearances are very different from each other - but there's still some overlap here and there, which can get confusing if certain details are mentioned.

ive tried my to make it super clear which toni im discussing without being super in-your-face about it - with icons, references to details that are exclusive to one of them, or with my silly nicknames (that i enjoy still tbh lmao) but ive been thinking........... even for me, this is kinda annoying to manage LMAOOOO

so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what is flower's solution to this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well them having the same name is the issue and its the easiest identifier for anyone sooo.

ive technically had this means in place from the beginning and its also lowkey enforced in my rules too - but the other older toni, the abyssal one, according to the lore ive written for her, has the alias of "Freyja" that she primarily goes by anyway.

which is to say!! im basically pulling a real childe on the older toni and having her referred as and with her alias name (Freyja vs Tonia) like how childe does (Childe/Tartaglia vs Ajax).

her real name i.e. Tonia will be treated in a similar vein - not common knowledge unless in the right position to be having said information, or she's given it out and allowed your muse to address her as such.

(truly going back to her meta origins as the original roleswap au i had for tonia............. heehaw..................................!!)

and yeah, as mentioned - this is a thing thats sorta already been in place for a while, but im enforcing it in full now!!!!!!!! even in ooc talks thats how ill be addressing her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! which further means that any future mentions of Tonia will usually just be the main, harbingy one - unless the context demands otherwise, or more likely, if i am addressing Tonia in the plural (tonis.... sssss.................)

[skyrim-said-that]

2920 vol. I-III reports

-

Vol. I - Morning Star

The first book describes a collection of moments that occurred throughout the month of Morning Star. The majority of these moments depict political plans being made in the ongoing war, with some conversations relating to personal affairs and relations of these political figures. The year begins with Vivec and Almalexia discussing the ongoing war and her prophetic dream of its ending, with the realization that they need Sotha Sil if they are to win the war. In her cell, the Empress Tavia and her bodyguard are also plotting to achieve a similar goal, the death of the imperial emperor.

The emperor himself attends a celebration of South Winds prayer, and while there he discusses tactics with the Akavari Potentate Versidue-Shaie while watching a sporting battle. Finally, the mistress of a duke in Mournhold contemplates how he will receive the news of her pregnancy, revealing a glimpse of the personal lives of some of the political figures involved in the war.

Comments

While I feel like I’m missing a lot of context for these snippets of their lives, I am sort of getting the picture of everyone’s thoughts and plans for the war they are in.

I do appreciate that it’s not like a history book, a lot of it is just conversations between characters, and a few of the ongoing plot lines are interesting to me, like the Duke and Turala, Empresses Tavia and her bodyguard, and the completion of the Akavari and Cyrodill warriors.

Go off Empress Tavia I hope that ends up working

I definitely get the same bad vibes about the akavari guy that the emperor does, the guy literally talks like scar from the lion king.

Something tells me that things are about to go very badly for Turala. Getting more bad vibes.

-

Vol. II - Sun’s Dawn

Over the course of Sun's Dawn, the summary recounts six distinct events that took place on six different days, each highlighting the perspectives and deeds of various notable figures. These figures include Sotha Sil, the Emperor and his mistress Rijja, the pregnant former mistress of a Duke from the house Indoral, Queen Hasaama and her husband King Dro'Zel. The book concludes with the arrival of Molag Bal, the Daedric Prince of Domination.

Comments

The author is very descriptive, I can clearly picture the serene tree by the bay where Soltha Sil teaches the new initiates, the respect he commands of his students is described just by his mannerisms. And then he told his students it was a ball of vomit. Which is kinda funny. Why are teachers like this, its giving college professor who messes with their students daily.

4 Suns Dawn threw me off bc that is a really long conversation to have mid foreplay like damn. What is going on why are you discussing politics right now? 

I feel really sad for Turala, clearly she misjudged the duke and misplaced her trust in him. I'm rooting for her.

King Dro'Zel is relatable i also get mad when sad stories make me feel emotions, tho it seems like he might be taking it a little far.

God dammit. What are u doing here moldy balls.

Welcome back my girl Almalexia

-

Vol. III - First Seed

During the five documented days of First Seed, a battle was fought between Vivec's forces and the Imperial Legion. Prior to the battle, Vivec's spy within the Legion provided crucial information, allowing Vivec to set a successful trap for the Imperials. Meanwhile, Emperor Reman III and Akavir Potentate Versidue-Shaie planned their strategy, with the Emperor deciding not to lead his men into battle. As a result of Vivec's trap, the Imperials suffered a crushing defeat, with half of their forces trapped and unable to fight, and the other half swept away into a wall of spears. In a letter to her sister, Rijja writes that her lover, the Emperor, is hunting for the spy within the Legion, and is so desperate to find the spy he suspects her.

Comments

We seem not that concerned that the emperor's son got poisoned. Also, what is an emperor without a little racism? Also, I do not trust Versidue Shaie. And I forgot this is technically a history book about the end of an 80-year-long war and I was like damn this is heavy lmao. 

Good for Cassyr Whitley 

Why is Vivec applying toddler nap logic to his soldiers? Like I get that you didnt want them to party but you could have just told them not to party you are the boss

Holy shit the imperial army just got fuckkkkeddd Vivec was good at this. Like in all seriousness hes clearly a better tactician than Miramor and that of the emperor. 

Not Rijja telling her sister her lover thinks she's a Morrowind spy and her life there is miserable at the moment and her sister still being jealous.

Also a big thank you to Liber Somnia for his audiobooks on youtube of this series, total life saver!

[unluckilyimnot]

Haitani brothers as romantic tropes

Type: fluff

wc: 0.9k

Note: I love them so much I had to do it for them too !

Part.1 || Part.2

Ran - fake relationship 

You needed your big sister to leave you alone. He was bored. Well, that's how it started. 

When your sister meets him at a first double date with her own boyfriend she was so surprised, and you felt bad for her boyfriend. 

Ran loves to make fun of her bc she's devouring while she look at him but his hand is on your tights or draped on your shoulder for all the afternoon. 

You have to keep it up for a moment tho, to make fun of her a bit more.

But as the time passed, you two got used to it and you didn't know if he was playing anymore. 

His hands were on you all the time. He invites you to movie date at his place and slept with you (no sex tho). 

Him whispering to your ear soon became a thing that you appreciate too particularly and you were lost. 

Spending the night at his place wasn't something new. You get used to it by time and so did you regarding skinship in general. At first you would be on each side of the couch, watching some shitty movie as old friends do, laughing at the bad acting. But soon, you get closer and closer, to the point that you are now sitting between his legs, his arms wrapped around you safely and his head resting against yours in a comfortable silence. 

Stroking his arm slowly while watching an old romantic movie, you started to feel tiredness getting the best of you and, soon, you fell asleep in his arms. 

Well asleep was a big word. You were just dozing off a bit, but it was enough for Ran to think that you were sleeping. He lowered the volume a bit to not bother you then held you closer to himself. Nuzzling his nose in your hair, he takes a deep breath before signing. You try your best to not move, more than awake now.

"I wasn't supposed to fall for you..." He whispers close to your ear. A blush grows on your face and you couldn't play dumb anymore. Flattering your eyes open, you turn to him, taking him out of guard. He was really vulnerable right now and wasn't sure if it was alright yet. But your next move made him change his mind.

You took his cheeks with both of your hands and kissed his lips, softly, barely touching them in fact. Frustrated, his hand goes to your neck and pushes your face to his, finally fully kissing you. You've kissed before, but never like this. It was sweet, full of love this time and Ran didn't want to let go, but your hand pushing his chest forced him to.

"I wasn't supposed to either, Ran," you calmly said, laying your forehead against his. He laughed a bit, happy to know that the feeling was reciprocated. 

"Would you go out with me ? Officially this time ?" His words make you laugh too before nodding shyly and kissing him again. 

Rindou - brother's friend 

You were in Ran's class in high school and you two became friends so you end up hanging out with Rindou too.

Probably falls for you right away, you just have a welcoming aura, he wants to fall in your arms instantly. 

You're always so kind and caring, fixing his hair when his brother messes up with it and protecting him when Ran playfully bullies him. 

He suspects Ran to do it on purpose so he gets flustered by your moves and smiles.

But won't complain anyway.

The first to confess but it's an accident. 

It was a really sunny day and you were wearing a pretty, yet revealing, outfit that matches the hot temperatures just perfectly. Perfectly frustrated Rindou too. Seeing that much of your chest was forcing him to look up all day and he feels a bit bad about it. 

The three of you were out for an ice cream, and after finally getting one, you sit in a park to enjoy it while taking a sunbathe. It soon turn out wrong when Ran push Rindou's ice cream in his face while he was eating it. They start to fight, still holding their ice cream but scaring you that they'll fall if they go on. 

"Hey, stop you two ! I'm trying to have some calm here !" You half scream, pouting to them. Both of them look at you with surprise, you were rarely like this. It caught Rindou by surprise and he just stopped everything to look at you and your pouty lips. Not noticing Ran's hand back to push his ice cream in his face, again. 

This time, you get up and slightly push Ran to sit between them so they won't fight anymore while scolding him. Rindou was sending daggers to his brother before you asked him to hold your ice cream. You put out some tissues of your bag to wipe the cream off his nose slowly then smile at him. "You're all clean now !" You said.

"I love you," the words left his mouth before Rindou could think twice and his cheeks were red in a second after he realized what he just said. He couldn't even cover his face because he was still holding the two ice creams. On the other hand, you were taken out of guard, but soon blush too and smile shyly at him.

You kissed his cheeks while taking back your ice cream. "I love you too." 

Bonus: Ran is more than happy that his brother finally confesses but still cringes when you kiss him. He also realized just now that he would be the third wheel all the damn time.

[astrojoong]

Hongjoong - Migraine Comfort

Hongjoong x Reader

Genre: Comfort, Fluff

Length: Bullet Pointed, sort of a Reaction

Warnings: Mentions of pain? nausea? 

AN: okay so this was originally going to be a full blown drabble, BUT I am very depressed and can’t seem to complete it, so I think I’m going to be posting them as bullet points/reactions for rn and then I’ll plan on fleshing them out and probably posting them to ao3. I say them bc this is part of a bunch of comfort fics that I’m writing, one prompt per member, one fic for each member! anyways lmk what ya’ll think! 

Ok so you and Joong have been dating for a while

They very recently ended promotions for a comeback and were BEAT

so when Joong texted you letting you know that they had their first free day in a while you were Excited to say the least

Work had been rough the past week and you really missed Joong during promotions 

and to a lesser extent, the boys

you arrive like a bit past one, just like you said you would, and were disappointed but not surprised, to find that half of the members were still asleep

At least Joong was up, that's all you could ask for tbh

Because you missed the boys as well as Your Boy, you and the awake members (read: Hwa, Yeo, and Jongho) decide to watch a movie together.

You all settle in the living room, getting all comfy and cuddly to watch a movie together 

It starts off calm. 

but

BUT

it is Ateez

even when the other members start to make their way into the living room around the end of the first movie and the start of the second, it doesn’t get crazy YET

but it was only a matter of time

you think it started with Wooyoung’s questions and commentary during the start of the second movie, but its hard to say how exactly you got to this point

u and joong are still on the couch, u leaning against him with his arms around your shoulder, holding you to him while he rests his chin gently on your head

yeo is on the other end of the couch and all three of you are watch the Shit Show go down

The innocent act of eating popcorn while watching a movie has devolved into a full blown battle of spitting kernels and flicking popcorn at one another

Its woosan on one side, yungi on the other

Seonghwa was in the middle, acting as both a shield and a target as he attempted to get the boys to ceasefire in the hopes of mitigating an already disastrous mess

jongho had abandoned the chaos in favor of napping in his room now that it was free of any distractions

as amusing as all this was, you were a little distracted.

you were getting a headache

well, at this point, you HAD a headache

you weren’t sure when exactly it had started but at this point you Certainly felt it

you hadn’t been too concerned, thinking it was probably just a tension headache since you had been all tensed up for the past month due to work

but now

now you were feeling nauseous 

which is a Bad sign

as nonchalantly as you can, you extract yourself from joong shooting him an apologetic look and make ur way to the bathroom

the farther u got from the cacophony, the less nauseous you became

which gave u a Theory

a theory that you tested when you entered the restroom and didn't turn on the light 

just as you suspected

your headache ebbed just a touch and the nausea lessened

it was a migraine

you had a little experience with migraines before, you knew yours didn’t present with an aura so you never got a warning before one hit 

you were thankful to have gotten yourself to a dark, quiet room before it hit full stride, which it was doing right now

all you could really do was curl up in a ball on the cool tiles and softly groan in pain 

which is exactly how joong found you 

when you had gotten up originally he noticed you seemed a little off but decided to say nothing and planning on seeing how you looked when you returned, maybe checking in then

after a couple minutes you could hear your phone chime, recognizing Hongjoong’s assigned text tone, but you were in far too much pain to do anything 

plus you knew how painful the light from your phone would be

so after a few more minutes, with his text remaining unseen, he came to check up on you himself

he knocks on the door and all you can really do is moan pitifully in response 

which does NOT comfort the poor boy

he was already worried before but now you sound like you’re in pain

when he opens the door you wince and retract from the light and now the faint sound of the rest of the boys’ distant antics

noticing your reaction, he crouches down to softly push some of your hair out of your face and stroke it lovingly

his voice gets really soft and he asks what's wrong 

you explain the best you can which is really just whimpering the word migraine at him 

he sighs and gives your head a few gentle pats before saying “wait here” in the same, soft tone, and standing up

he gently closes the door behind him 

through the door you can hear him use his “Leader Voice” as he speaks to the members

you aren’t really aware enough to catch any specific words, all u know is that you’re for sure glad that the noise had died down a considerable amount 

some time later

it could’ve been anywhere from 3 to 10 minutes, you aren’t really in a place to note the passage of time, joong returns.

as he slowly opens the door, you brace yourself, but it doesn’t hurt like it had before

he had the lights in the hall way turned off

joong helps you up off of the floor and guides you toward him and hwa’s shared room

there he has the lights off and the curtains drawn

on his bedside table there are two icepacks, a glass of water and a bottle of over the counter pain meds waiting for you

he helps you sit down and hands you the water and deposits two pills into your palm

you were getting ready to settle down when you heard wooyoung’s voice cut through the silence, yelling about something that mingi had done

you wince and the gentle expression falls from joongs face, morphing into “Leader Mode” as he quickly but quietly left the room to scold Wooyoung, but not before placing a gentle peck on your temple before disappearing 

He returns with a remorseful looking woo who softly apologizes from the door, you silently wave off his apology and in return shoot him a finger heart with as much playful energy as you can muster

he returns the gesture as Joong turns back from talking to Seonghwa, who also apparently had followed him back.

you shoot hongjoong the best questioning look you can and he whispers back that Hwa will be making sure the rest of the boys keep the dorm quiet until you feel better

he tucks you into bed, placing ice packs on your forehead and neck respectively 

he pulls up a chair next to his bed and softly strokes your hair and whispers soothing words to you until you are finally able to fall asleep

ok tbh this is my first time ever writing so like... hopefully it wasn’t Total Shit, im not Super happy w it but we all have to start somewhere so whatever. also! hopefully this is a somewhat accurate description of a migraine! I’ve only had about four in my life and they were all essentially the same as what the reader has. So I have limited experience and research to go off of but hopefully it was sufficient enough. Anyways pls let me know what you thought, or if you have a request (no promises tho lmao) or ideas. I’m pretty much open to anything.

thank you for reading!!

[eyrieofsynapses]

so today I just watched the first episode of Almost Paradise! And I’ve gotta say, I am impressed. I already had it on my watchlist but I was planning to wait to watch it for a while until I could let Eliot fade a bit from memory, just so I wouldn’t automatically think of him while watching Kane. But I ran into an article this weekend about how it was filmed in the Philippines and the details of that, and my curiosity was piqued considerably more, so I figured... why not? 

(I also started White Collar this weekend and that was very enjoyable, but that’s a post for another day.) 

Anyway, my brain’s buzzing now, so have some first impressions and reactions, plus initial meta-analysis because I am intrigued. In hindsight I probably should have recorded first impressions while I was watching, but I’ll do my best to remember the bits that stuck out. Warning for... exceedingly long post.

ooo, okay, so he’s got a medical condition. I faaaaintly remember reading about this in the summary but I didn’t pay much attention to that, oops.

telling a guy played by Chris Kane not to get his heartrate up! that’s definitely gonna happen. definitely. one hundred percent. not like this guy loves fighting or anything

(also tbh the joke about, ah, sexual dysfunction admittedly left a sour taste in my mouth, because I do not go for that kind of thing, but... this is Devlin and Kane, so I’m trusting, based off Leverage experience, that they aren’t gonna be too inappropriate. [In hindsight there are actually interesting meta reasons for this so the sour taste has dissipated somewhat.])

this poor doctor. she’s so done with him. 

...he’s definitely not gonna pay attention to the monitor is he

that journal’s gonna get zero use oop

(I was duly impressed when he actually did use it later)

huh, liking how we immediately dive into the effect tourism has had on the Philippines. so we’re getting some commentary here too? I can deal with that

...wow. bad shop. eek

I’m sorry but I am loving the touch with the floorboards and such breaking beneath Alex. the look on his face is just perfect

and the monitor goes off! for tbh the last reason I expected it to first go off for, excellent 

MOTORCYLE? did they give him a motorcycle?!

awww no it’s the baddies who have the motorcycle :(

hmm this should be interesting. loving the look of this leader guy tho

--aaaand good asthetic guy is dead! with an ice pick! creepy and creative! 

bar. no way this could go wrong

internal battle! understandable that Alex wants out, buuuuuuut if he’s anything like I suspect he is--

--yup, picking a fight, with a damn pool cue--

--not picking a fight?

...picking a fight. by being friendly. *sigh*

yuuuuuuuup. that’s definitely good for your heart

badass fighting scene! with a pool cue, that’s a new one! love seeing Kane take ordinary objects and turn them into fighting tools

(ngl this had Eliot vibes. that said I am thrilled to see how damn good these fight scenes are and this is making me even more excited for Redemption)

aaaaaaaaaand oh fuck this was a police setup. which. I actually did not see coming, huh

ahahah they’re pissed! because he messed up their bust? or because he just saved their asses? 

...probably technically the former but I suspect the latter is also true

refusing to get Involved being foreshadowed by his indecision earlier! of course he’s going to get Involved anyway, only question is how

“hitter” I SEE YOU. I SEE YOU AND YOUR REFERENCES. I SEE YOU DEVLIN AND KANE

pfffffffffffFFFFFT the meditation, oh gods

that voice. oh Alex. 

I genuinely cannot tell if this is him actually trying or if this is him begrudgingly making an attempt because he has to

lacquering(?) the doors, which, hey, actually look pretty nice--this place is gonna look good when it’s done isn’t iii--

oh fuck Alex is being attacked

(this is definitely something to be concerned about. yes. totally. not like we haven’t already seen him take down a bunch of guys.)

with a garrot! this is definitely totally not how he’s gonna get Involved

oh my gods the detail with the paint. nothing says Competent like getting irritated at how the baddie interrupted your house restoration

hehehehe Involved

oooh, hmm, he thinks they sent the guy after him? what kind of corruption has Alex faced? I mean it’s not an unreasonable fear, but jeez, it sounds like this has happened to him before. doesn’t say much good about the DEA...

huh, this is a level of disturbed I haven’t seen from Kane before. which, granted, I have only seen him in Leverage, but I’ve never seen him pull this out before. the voice crack is an excellent touch

also, worth noting, Alex is definitely a notable level of... hmm, paranoid? this is just a tad bit frantic, though that’s understandable from a guy who almost got killed while in the middle of an attempted meditation

oh god being cocky in the middle of a briefing. poor Kai 

--being cocky and competence porn! of course he takes the watch and turns it into a lesson

...he must be a hell of a teacher

(also, bonus points for actually using the journal. maybe he’s taking this health thing more seriously than I thought he would?)

may I repeat: COMPETENCE PORN

uh-huh, you’re so not involved, definitely, Alex, not like you’re gonna get pulled straight into this or anything

Ernesto is just watching to see how things play out, Kai is... trying to do things the right way, and Alex...

...Alex gives precisely zero fucks. buddy you are so not subtle

right, walking straight into the lion’s den! radiating confidence! terrifying

this is a disturbing level of truth he’s sharing for this lie. I mean, best lies are crafted from truth, but... jeez

hm. so is Alex also a “I don’t like guns” type guy? 

(probably not for the same reasons as Eliot doesn’t [his is definitely more in the “they make it too easy to kill” department whereas I would guess Alex has either more tactical or PTSD reasons], but, hmm. this is something to watch for)

(did they know they were bringing back Leverage when they set up Almost Paradise? I’m genuinely wondering if they didn’t write some Eliot traits into Alex specifically bc they knew Kane missed playing him)

this is a fantastically confident level of grifting--what exactly did he do in the DEA, precisely?

...ah. cool asthetic guy. stuffed in the freezer. gotta admit, I definitely didn’t see that one coming. creepy! 

(and it looks like you actually managed to shake Alex a little, hah)

aaaaaand in the meantime we have Kai following his advice! in an... interesting way. hm. 

(surprisingly this does not annoy me that much in hindsight. not sure why)

and understandably, this does not go over well! except, oh, fuck, DEA guy. this ain’t gonna be good

...worse. worse than I thought. what happened to you, Alex? former partner? whaaat

“attacks”? 

this gonna be the typical “traumatized white dude has Anger Attacks” type thing? 

honestly I immediately went “probably not” given how it was handled in Leverage. wasn’t sure though. but that does leave the question of what sort of attacks? it doesn’t seem like it’d be meltdowns, so what does that leave? 

hmmm. DEA guy is an Ass. we Do Not Like him. I’ve known Alex for less than half an hour but you do not do that to him. you do not use trauma against your guy, Jerkface. 

cutting a deal? this should be interesting

...well shit. I. am sincerely hoping Kai isn’t about to walk in on anything too bad

this definitely isn’t gonna be a fight though, that I called right off the bat

--bottles. dammit

oh, Christ. attempted OD or just drunk?

just drunk! good! well, very Not Good, but better than the other thing

pffffft dunking him in the water and then him going straight back to the water when he sees her, that is both absolutely hilarious and deeply concerning

aaand I’m agreeing with Kai but also, poor guy just got confronted with a hell of a lot of things that would raise his trau--

...mm. yeah. that’d be it. 

...I. was. not expecting that much backstory info straight off. holy cow, Alex. that is. messed up. someone get this man a hug

“one of the guys that cared too much”

(...like you?)

(or is that why you won’t let yourself care now?)

fuck, there was a lot more to that boat scene than I thought. ow

partner who betrayed him like that? I’m just. gods. 

Trust Issues is definitely gonna be a Thing isn’t it

can we just take a second to appreciate how Christian Kane is playing the absolute hell out of this character

aaaand Kai brings him back to the city for a Heartwarming Reminder of why he was in the game! this is very tropey but it is, as John Rogers has pointed out, an instance of the “well-worn writing tool” rather than feeling cheesy! 

holy crap Kai has lost. a lot of people. oh man

ahahahaha classic “why did you bring me here?” line! you know why, Alex. you know why

oh, and Ernesto gets a chance to help him out! I’m already enjoying this so much

awww and Kai shows up to help encourage him! with coffee! supportive friend and very obvious but honestly okay love interest! good!!!

(what the heck is with Devlin and his crew and sticking Kane with two besties? based on Ernesto’s dynamic with him I’m guessing this isn’t gonna be an OT3 but. I am loving the trend)

“I’m gonna regret this in the morning” pfft

huh, working with the DEA agents. not like he’s gonna go off script or anything. that’s totally not gonna happen is it

hehe irritated look while they’re putting on the mic. he is so very unimpressed

--”little episodes”--episodes? 

moment of appreciation for the un-forced-feeling diversity in these police squads

“how’s the anxiety?” I’m sorry what

hold up, when we say “episodes”--are we talking panic attacks? does Alex have actual goddamn anxiety? 

...actually with PTSD? that would make complete sense. I am... intrigued. I am really hoping that that’s the case, actually, because having seen how well they handled Parker and her PTSD in Leverage (as well as Nate’s and Eliot’s) I have a lot of faith that they could pull that off really well, actually. That would be good. 

ppFFFT TAKING OFF THE WIRES RIGHT OFF THE BAT

wait what. you’re telling them everything? what’s your game here? 

“get that frikkin gun outta my face!” yup, not a fan of guns! no disarming though? huh

(also can we just. appreciate how Kane manages to make “frikkin” sound just as much like the cuss it’s replacing?)

(LET ALEX SAY FUCK)

oh. OH

hi Ernesto! hi Kai! I see what y’all doing

ohhhhhhhhhh Alex you goddamn genius. Getting rid of all of the drugs so there’s no way the precise thing he was claiming to be doing can happen. I like this

THE MEDITATION COMING ON ON THE RECORDING I CAN’T--OH MY GODS

Alex please tell me you know how to disarm a gun. please. guns are not effective at that distance

OH. OH I DID NOT SEE KAI COMING. 

got ‘em! murder confession, how did I not see that coming? good stuff

Kai can fight! 

KAI CAN FUCKING FIGHT WOW

I am very much appreciating Kai right now

also is that a FLYING KICK from Ernesto?

they better give these people more fight scenes

aaaaand straight into the water, oh god. I’m assuming this was a choice made because Alex is familiar with this territory? ...I do not think I want to know where Alex learned to fight underwater.

(I really really really want to know.) 

how the fuck has your monitor not gone off by now Alex

choking him out underwater, okay, wow 

what size are your lungs? this is long

extra kudos for excellent underwater filming and wow I am hoping the actors actually came up for air

(this is also unreasonably beautiful for a scene where you’re choking out a drug lord. the water is so pretty)

Evil DEA guy (no I am not going to learn his name, he doesn’t deserve it) is gonna be Alex’s Agent Sterling, isn’t he? this should be interesting

heh, police chief is taking his side! good stuff, good stuff

(it is very nice to see Alex getting some people in his corner after knowing what hell the DEA put him through)

Alex has fallen so damn hard for Kai. this is very very adorable actually

awww he’s really getting into fixing up the shop, isn’t he? I’m sincerely looking forward to seeing how he gets this up and going, it really looks like he’s enjoying himself

somehow I am starting to wonder if the cocky “oh yeah I’m opening up a gift shop how exciting huh” thing at the start wasn’t... actually genuine. he... is enjoying this, isn’t he? good. very good

I am unreasonably invested in this man’s wellbeing for one episode in

!!!!!!!!! HE GETS HIS PARADE

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

giving him his reason to keep going! yes! yessss

oh Alex you are attached now. you are very attached. good luck my dude and don’t let the trust issues get in the way

this is a good show. this is a heckin awesome show. 

also, side note, it is SO PRETTY

I am just loving loving loving all of the scenery. competence porn AND landscape and city porn. beautiful. perfection. excellent

...that was. much longer than I anticipated oops 

anyway, conclusion: hot damn this is a fun show! I am very excited to keep watching this. Alex officially has my heart, even if he’s a bit of a cocky bastard sometimes. Kane is fucking hilarious. (More reasons to be excited for Redemption!) Kai and Ernesto also have my heart, and I am extremely interested to see their character development. 

Honestly, the beauty is surprising. I didn’t expect to just enjoy how pretty it is. The blues of the ocean, the intense tropical colors, even the run-down gift shop--there’s such a gorgeous aesthetic to it all. If I wasn’t already invested in the characters and plot, I’d be invested for that alone. 

So... I have some thoughts on Alex and the show structure.

He’s obviously very disillusioned. There’s a lot of nods to the idea of war--he’s commonly referring to himself as a soldier, as a veteran, maybe as a casualty. I’m gonna take a totally wild guess here and say this show is going to be focused on the drug issues in the Philippines. (Wow, Synapse, how the heck’d you guess that?) I do find describing the war on drugs as a war, and going into the terminology that comes with it, very appropriate, and I like how this show is actively calling this to attention rather than using it as a convenient plot. They’re actually addressing the issue and discussing its impact. And given how overlooked certain aspects of the impact of the drug war on the Philippines is, this is a good choice, especially in order to alert American viewers to the issue. I’m curious to see how they handle that.

Again, interesting drawing parallels to war, too, and comparing it against the likes of WWI and Vietnam. It really gives that sense of weight to the issue and defines a vital aspect of it: the impact of the war on drugs on the people involved. It emphasizes that the people who are fighting it suffer consequences and PTSD just as a soldier in the field does, and it also emphasizes, with Kai, that it isn’t just the people actively fighting who bear the consequences. It’s also the people on the sidelines--it’s the families, the people on the streets by the gunfights, the economical impact, etcetera. 

But there’s also an element to Alex’s character that automatically makes him relatable to a lot of people... and it has nothing to do with the PTSD, nothing to do with the war on drugs, nothing really to do with the main issues. It is, simply, the intense hopelessness and depression that comes with trying to make a difference. In his case it’s making a difference on a severe worldwide issue. But the vast majority, if not all, of Almost Paradise’s audience should be able to relate to a feeling of never doing enough. And there’s certainly a large section of that group who can relate to being part of a fight that never seems to end. Doesn’t matter what you’re doing--if it’s driven at helping, it rarely ever feels like you ever do enough. But the advice given is excellent. One of the best things to do, when you’re feeling hopeless over this, is to focus on and take deep joy in the impact you do make. 

Alex is an expression of a frustration that a lot of people deal with. This, I think, is one of the reasons why he instantly drew me--and presumably the rest of the audience--in (outside of a fantastic actor and great humor). He’s relatable. He’s something that most people can see a part of themselves in. 

Anyway, symbolism and real-world talk aside, this is just... fun. It’s genuine fun. We’re covering rough issues, but there’s a lot of well-written tropes in here too that are written in that way that makes them enjoyable to relive rather than painful. The humor is delightful and plentiful. There’s a lot of beautiful feel-good moments. I’m suspecting this’ll be a comfort show, and I am perfectly all right with that. 

Onto the next episode!

[baepsaets]

eight’s a crowd pt. 4 ~ bts

pairing: ot7 x reader

rating: sfw

word count: 6.6k

summary: you’re a bighit staff member in charge of stage set-up when you find yourself inexplicably drawn to the very seven men you’re setting stage for. soulmate au!

a/n: everyone... my beautiful followers... i’m so sorry it took me so long to post this! there will be one final part after this that will include smut. also i went to see aquaman tonight and it was so good. having jason momoa and amber heard kicking ass in the same movie made my little bi heart quiver lmao. also i want mommy nicole kidman to spank me with a trident. enjoy this update and i hope everyone has been having happy holidays!

disclaimer: i always put a read more in my fanfiction, but it does not always work on tumblr mobile. this fic has a read more already in place.

part 01 02 03 04 05

You were adjusting the sounding system in the pit when you felt a sudden weight on your back. You startled and turned around and found yourself pressed against Jae, who coddled you like a baby. He smelled like cologne and alcohol and something mechanical, vaguely oily and coppery.

“(Y/N),” he groaned, drawing your name out into one long sigh. If you weren’t so caught off-guard, you would have laughed. “We’re leaving early today!”

He was leaving early today. It was the last concert before the unimaginable—a month-long break. Set-up crew got to leave a whole half-day early, leaving mid-crew to pick up a little of their slack. But you knew they deserved it, especially since they’d been short-handed after you left.

It was hard to imagine that it had been a whole month since you’d switched to mid-crew, and even longer since you’d met Bangtan. Sometimes, it didn’t feel real. You missed your old set-up crewmen, but it was hard to miss them too much when there were seven other people around to eagerly keep you company.

Jae’s bag was already slung over his shoulder, and you knew he was about to leave. Your break didn’t technically start until after the concert tonight, and true to mid-crew form, you’d be staying with Bangtan wherever they went. The thought filled you with unimaginable excitement—for a month, you’d get to be with them without having to worry about work or scheduling.

“Remember to teeeeeeeext,” Jae slurred, clutching you to his chest. You patted his shoulder awkwardly, face smushed into his clavicle. “You never teeeeeeext anymore.”

“I text you every day,” you complained, your voice muffled by his flannel.

“But it’s not enoooooough,” he moaned. He was probably already a little intoxicated—a few people in set-up crew had already broken out a bottle of vodka in celebration, and no doubt Jae had already indulged.

You asked, incredulous, “How much more do you want?”

“I don’t care. I miss you,” he admitted, and you cooed at his cuteness.

“I miss you, too,” you laughed, pulling away from him. “But you need to get on the bus before they leave without you.”

“They would never,” Jae scoffed, but you raised an eyebrow. Sungjin would. Oh, Sungjin so would. And you could tell in his gaze that he realized that, too. “Okay, okay. I’m leaving. But I love you! I’ll text! Don’t think just because you’re famous now that you can get rid of me!”

He said this all while walking backward, voice raising with every sentence. Some of your other mid-crewmen stared at you curiously, and you waved Jae away in embarrassment. Your good rapport as a hard-worker had carried to your new job, but you still didn’t know the rest of mid-crew well enough to be weird in front of them.

You weren’t famous by any definition of the term, but you’d garnered a certain amount of attention in the past month. It was impossible not to, considering at least one member of Bangtan was around you every day. It was easy to pass off some of it as work, but the rest of the crew had to at least suspect that your professional relationship with them went deeper. No one had said anything about it, at least not to your face, and you were grateful that at least a portion of the people you worked with knew how to mind their own business.

Working for another hour, you were finally setting up the last of the lighting equipment. You were usually the quickest crewmember to finish your work, simply because set-up crew had conditioned you so well. When you finished early, you either helped set up the rest of the venue or went to seek out Bangtan to see if they had any time to hang. Because their schedule was so packed, they usually didn’t, but it was still nice just to see them. Their faces would light up whenever they caught sight of you, even to this day.

You reached up to adjust the light, and a warm pair of arms wrapped around your waist. Electricity buzzed through your body immediately. “Hey, baby.”

“Oh, my God,” you exclaimed. “Why is everyone sneaking up on me today?”

“Not happy to see me?”

You turned your head and saw Jimin smiling, bottom lip tugged between his teeth. He fake-pouted, and you had to suppress the sudden desire to wrap him in a hug and never let him go.

“I’m always happy to see you,” you replied, before you could stop yourself. Your face flushed, but so did his, which was your favorite thing about him—at least you could make him blush, too.

Jimin pressed his cheek against the back of your neck hard, and then released you. You kept tinkering, despite the sudden distraction.

“I’m glad you’re here,” you said. “The sound system on the left side burnt out this morning. We were able to replace it, but the sound check before the concert is probably gonna start early.”

Jimin grunted in acknowledgement, and you continued talking, back still facing him.

“And you need to be careful. There’s a slick spot by the—,”

“Mhmm,” Jimin hummed. His voice was closer than you expected and you turned around, freezing when you realized he was right behind you. Jimin’s mouth curled into a small smile, and he reached out to tuck a hunk of escaped hair behind your ear. “You look good in that sweater.”

“Thank you,” you replied automatically, but your heart stuttered.

Out of all Bangtan, Jimin was the touchiest. He was the one who complimented you the most, voice edging on flirting. Whenever he smiled his teasing smile, your face would heat up hot enough to fry an egg on your forehead.

“Can we stop by your hotel room after the concert?”

He could have asked you to commit second-degree murder and you probably would have agreed to it, if he kept looking at you like that. “Yeah, s-sure. I mean, yes. If it’s okay with BangPD and everyone.”

“We already approved it,” he grinned, unconsciously leaning closer. You could feel the heat radiating off his body. To the outside world the two of you may have looked like a couple, but in the past month, you’d slowly learned how to let go of the world’s opinion. You didn’t care what they assumed about your relationship unless it negatively affected Bangtan’s career.

“Oh?” you asked, smiling your own teasing smile. “Were you that confident I’d agree?”

Jimin’s face flushed, and that was normal for him, too—always so flirty, until the teasing was turned on him. Then he became a shy mess. “Well, I mean—not that we knew you’d agree, but you usually—and then we, um—,”

You couldn’t help but smile at his cute stuttering, but then your smile faded, stamped down by the sudden guilt and confusion bubbling in your chest.

When you’d first started hanging out with Bangtan, dazzled and starstruck, you’d thought whatever silly crush you had on them would fade. After getting to know them, you’d thought you’d come to love them only platonically.

But your crush—or should you say, crushes—spiraled completely out of control. Bangtan had thoroughly swept you off your feet.

How could you have fallen for seven different men? Being alone with each of them, or several at a time, filled you with such a strong happiness that was only rivaled by how you felt when the eight of you were together. Then, the world felt clicked into place, like a weight you didn’t even realize you were carrying was lifted off your shoulders.

“I need to get back to work,” you told him, taking a step back. Distance. You needed to create some distance, no matter how much it hurt. “We can talk about it later, okay?”

“Okay,” Jimin replied, pouting. You resisted the urge to pull him to your chest and coo.

You moved to turn around, but before you could, Jimin dipped closer for a split second and pressed his lips against your cheek. Face flaming, you turned to him with mouth agape, but Jimin was already backing away toward the door, lips curled in a teasing smile.

After he left, you absent-mindedly rubbed your cheek, still feeling the tingling imprint of his mouth on your skin.

Ten minutes later, your phone buzzed in your pocket, signaling a text. It vibrated again. And then a third time. It must be the group chat you were in with Bangtan, which could get ridiculously active. You glanced around for your manager and snuck your phone out of your pocket, just when it started vibrating multiple times in a row.

Namjoon, 1:35pm: So, party in (Y/N)’s room tonight?

Hoseok, 1:36pm: SWEET i’ll give the staff money to go buy snacks

Jimin, 1:38: remember to ask for TWO boxes of popcorn because :/ someone :/ ate it all :/ last time

Yoongi, 1:39: quit being so shady and just @ jungkook already

Jungkook, 1:39: IT WAS

Jungkook, 1:39: LITERALLY JIN-HYUNG

Jungkook, 1:40: NOT ME

Jimin, 1:40: WHAT?

You chuckled and glanced around quickly, typing a quick message.

You, 1:42: I’ll message you guys when I’m done with cleaning the stage and then you can come over. I’m putting the group chat on silent tho bc I’m still at work.

Already, your message prompted several quick replies.

Hoseok, 1:42: (Y/N)! <3

Jin, 1:43: We will not be silenced!!!!!!!!

Jimin, 1:43: HYUNG U SAID JUNGKOOK ATE THE POPCORN U LIAR

Taehyung, 1:44: lmao OOPS

Taehyung, 1:44: caught in a liiiieeeeee~~~

*Jimin has removed Jin from the chat*

*Namjoon has added Jin to the chat*

Namjoon, 1:46: Quit removing people from the chat just because they piss you off

*Jimin has removed Namjoon from the chat*

Yoongi, 1:47: as expected

“(Y/N)!” your manager called, almost making you drop your phone. You looked up guiltily and were lucky to discover she wasn’t even looking at you—she was too busy trying to keep a stage light standing. “Could you come over here and help me fix this?”

Sighing in relief, you pocketed your phone and went to help your manager. You liked your manager a lot, but she still made you nervous. You made sure to stay on your best behavior when she was around.

You held the top of the light while she screwed it into place, and when she was finished, she beamed up at you. “Thank you! And I’m glad you’re here.” Her bright look turned apologetic, so you knew you were in for some serious shit. “I have a favor to ask.”

“What is it?” you asked, cautious.

“Ji-sung is out sick tonight,” she admitted. “We need another crewmember in the camera pit. I know you don’t like going near the crowd, but you have the most experience with the stage material and I’d think you’d be a huge help to them.”

The breath left your chest. “I don’t know, I really—,”

“I know it’s last minute,” she interrupted, “and I know it’s a little inconvenient, but you’re our best replacement. It would only be for tonight.”

Your teeth clinked together, nervous. You were not a crowd person, and the camera pit was right in front of it. They were the pit that was most at risk of being tramped or attacked.

But you really wanted to leave a good impression with your new manager.

“Yeah,” you said, slowly. “That’s fine, (Y/M/N). I’d be happy to help.”

“Oh, thank you!” she gushed. “I’ll tell the camera crew. Think of it as a blessing! It’s basically a front-row ticket.”

A front row ticket in front of a writhing mass of fanaticism. Really, you didn’t mind people. People were smart—until you put them in a crowd. Then they were a hazard.

“Call time is 6:15!” And with that she flounced away, far too happy to be at work. Your manager truthfully was a different creature.

You let out a deep breath and shook your head. “Goddamn it.”

You distracted yourself with idle work leading up to the concert. It felt like everything and nothing needed to be done. You already knew Bangtan was busy with sound check and weren’t available, but that didn’t stop your from peeking your head in every once in a while to listen to them.

All you had to do was make it through the concert, and then the eight of you could finally relax.

You weren’t present for sound check, like you usually were. Instead you were busy introducing yourself to the camera crew and modifying their equipment. By the time the venue finally allowed people to start filing in, you were called away to help with lighting while the camera crew set up in front of the stage, so you didn’t get a chance to even wave at Bangtan until just an hour before the concert.

Walking into the waiting area, Namjoon’s head shot up immediately, and his gaze found your own. You smiled, and then the rest of Bangtan was turning their head. Hoseok waved manically.

You dodged a few frantic crewmen still trying to finish setting up before the concert began. Taehyung was the first to hug you, nuzzling into the side of your neck. Jin rubbed his hand along your shoulder and you smiled at them gratefully.

“We missed you during sound check,” Yoongi said, slightly pouting in a way that he would deny to be pouting, except it definitely was.

You sighed. “I’m not doing sound check tonight.”

“You look upset,” Hoseok noticed, and once he’d said it, the entirety of Bangtan circled you in concern. It was overwhelming in a good way, a flattering way, and you liked it because you weren’t used to people trying to take care of you. Jin cupped your cheek in one hand, analyzing your face.

“I’m fine,” you assured them. “I’m just nervous. I’m replacing Ji-sung in the camera pit tonight and I’ll have to be in the crowd.”

Namjoon nodded his head in understanding. “It can be overwhelming.”

“You’re telling me,” you muttered. “I’m afraid I’m gonna get dragged backward and trampled, never to be seen again.”

Jeongguk laughed. “That won’t happen, don’t be nervous.”

“We’ll keep an eye out for you,” Jimin said, and you realized he was smirking. “You’ll be in the front row. It’s the best seat in the house.”

“We’ll perform well for you,” Taehyung added.

“When do you not?” you asked, and then backtracked. “Perform well, I mean—not like, perform well for me—uh—,”

Jin laughed at your flustered expression. “Just keep your eyes on us the entire time and you’ll survive.”

You were certain that doing just that would be what killed you.

The eight of you chatted for a bit more until it was time for you to leave. Hoseok must have noticed how nervous you looked, because he leaned close to you for a second and planted a second kiss on your cheek. You didn’t see it, but Bangtan eyed him jealously.

“It’ll be fine,” he chirped, and you smiled.

“I’ll see you after the concert,” you told them, and then made your way to the stage.

The venue was an arena, and it was huge. The camera pit was set up in a small section in front of the middle of the stage, to avoid blocking a majority of the crowd view. It was protected by thin guard railing and a hanging sign that would do nothing to deter someone who was really interested in bypassing it. The second you stepped by the crowd your hair stood on end, but you put on a brave face and approached the pit, speaking with the camera crew. There really wasn’t much for you to do except help them with emergencies and fill in where you could.

You couldn’t help but glance back at the crowd. They were getting antsy, and so were you. It was like their infectious energy was seeping into you. You barely resisted the urge to scream when the concert began, and the entire crowd went wild.

The energy Bangtan brought to the stage was insane. It was like the entire arena was cradled in the palm of their hand. It didn’t matter who you were—if you were a fan, an employee, a stranger on the street—in that moment, they owned you. There wasn’t a choice about it.

It was amazing because at that moment you weren’t their coworker, or a BigHit employee—you were just a fan at a concert, who’d somehow gotten a really, really good seat. Seeing them perform so closely to you made your heart stop.

And throughout the entire concert, Bangtan kept staring at you.

You knew, logically, that they weren’t staring at you—they were staring at the camera. But you couldn’t help but feel like they were staring at you, trying to catch your eyes with their dancing and obscene hip thrusting. You were barely able to resist the urge to cover your face whenever it happened, giving in a few times when you were just too flustered to look. The camera crew, who were used to such a display, laughed at your embarrassment.

Sometimes they would point in your direction, stick their tongue out—Jimin, boldest of the seven on stage, laid on his back and thrusted into the air not one foot away from the lip of the stage, directly in front of you.

Heat was coiled so deeply in your stomach, you were afraid you’d explode.

Near the end of the concert, you got a message from your manager over your headset—since you’d done her such a big favor, she was letting you leave after the concert was finished instead of staying to help clean afterward. You were intensely grateful, because you were sweating and flustered and really didn’t know how much more you could take. You bid the camera crew goodbye and made your way backstage once Bangtan exited, the screaming of the crowd echoing as you walked further and further way.

Once in the back, you looked for them excitedly. It wasn’t often you got to see them directly after a concert. You were still hot and bothered, but you tried to push it to the back of your mind as your gaze snagged on them, all seven by the very edge of the stage.

“Hey!” you called, and the second Namjoon caught sight of you, his face split into a dimpled grin that almost made your heart stop.

He strode toward you, and you didn’t realize what he was doing until he swept you up in a hug and spun you around, giggling. Bangtan was right behind him, and suddenly you were in the middle of the sweatiest group hug you’d ever had in your life.

“How was it?” you heard Jimin ask, although you couldn’t see him through all the people in the way.

“It was amazing,” you replied. “Really, you all did fantastically.”

“It’s because we knew you were watching,” Hoseok declared. “You’re our good luck charm.”

You laughed and pulled your bottom lip through your teeth, looking away. A small smile curled your lip, and Jeongguk took you by the chin and planted a quick kiss to your cheek.

“So cute,” you thought you heard him breath, but you couldn’t be sure over the noise still echoing throughout the arena.

“Are you doing an encore?” you asked, and Jin nodded.

“Yeah, we’re gonna rest for a moment and go back out.”

“I got off a little early, so I’m gonna head back to my room and shower, okay? Come over whenever you want. I think Namjoon already has an extra copy of my room key.”

“We’ll come over the second we’re done,” Taehyung said, and then he was hugging you too, your face buried in his neck. “Thank you for watching us.”

“I always watch you,” you admitted. “I’m just never in the front row.”

Jimin’s grin was sharp and sly. “We know.”

You shooed them off, watching them glance back at you as they prepared to go back on stage. You waved them goodbye until they were gone, and then even peeked through the curtain to watch them from the sideline for a moment. I was just like all that time ago, when you’d caught a sneak peek of them before running into Jeongguk, except now you had permission to be here. Now you knew them. And now you knew just how much they meant to you.

Your hotel room was on the second floor next to the venue. You were still one of the only women in mid-crew, and had secured yet another room to yourself. It had two beds, and you threw your bag down on the closest one before showering and changing into something more comfortable. You put on a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt and sat down to start browsing Netflix, looking for a new movie to watch. You thought, vaguely, about taking a moment to take care of the heat still simmering on low in your stomach, but knew you’d never be able to look them in the eye if you did something like that right before they came over.

After just over an hour, you heard the door unlock, and you perked up just in time to watch it swing open and reveal the seven people behind it.

“We’re here!” Hoseok hollered, and you laughed.

“And we brought towels,” Jimin informed. You noticed that they were still wearing their makeup, and were still in their stage clothes. They must have really come straight from the concert to your hotel room. Namjoon was the last of the seven to file in, and he held up a huge bag of food for you to see.

“We also ordered takeout,” he said, sheepishly. He knew how much you hated it when they spent money on your food.

You took the bag and shot him a mock-glare. “Go take a shower. You all stink.”

You were glad they’d brought extra towels, because the seven of them rotated through your shower like madmen before getting dressed and climbing into bed. You were sure they were used to such a routine, which explained how they did it so efficiently. You all chatted and ate while everyone showered, celebrating and laughing. It only took thirty minutes for everyone to get settled.

Jeongguk wanted desperately to watch a horror movie, and you relented and allowed it, all of you climbing into one bed. You ended up pressed against Jin, and his hair was still damp from the shower, and he smelled clean and fresh and manly. You had to bite your lip to resist leaning forward and burying your face in his neck.

An hour later, Jimin whispered, horrified, “Oh, no.”

“She’s so dumb,” Taehyung muttered. “She deserves to die.”

Hoseok curled further into himself, and you felt him rocking back and forth on the bed while you clutched your own pillow to your chest. The room was pitch black, except for the glow of the television screen.

The main character took another hesitant step forward, toward the murderer hiding within the house, and toward certain death. The scene was quiet, ominous music played in the background—you all knew a jump scare was coming soon.

“This isn’t even realistic,” Yoongi said. “The fake blood is too thick—,”

Namjoon interrupted, hissing, “Quit talking during the movie.” Not a second later, the murderer jumped out on the screen, making Namjoon yelp. You jumped, and Jin let out a shrill shriek.

The screaming on the screen was drowned out by everyone’s sudden gasp and Jeongguk’s maniacal giggling.

“Hyung—,” he tried to say, pressing his fist against his mouth. “Hyung—what noise what that?”

Jin’s face was red. “That wasn’t me.”

“Then who was it?” Jimin cackled.

“It was (Y/N).”

“Don’t pin that on me,” you immediately countered. “My voice doesn’t even go that high.”

Jeongguk dissolved into giggling again, while Jin’s face heated further.

“I can’t hear,” Yoongi snapped, still paying attention to the movie.

You didn’t know what time it was, and you didn’t care. For once, you didn’t have to worry about going anywhere.

Once the scary movie was finally over, you all decided to watch something lighter to calm down. Jimin picked out a rom-com that had most of you groaning, but no one protested enough to change his mind. It was fun to laugh, but whenever a romantic scene came on, you couldn’t help but eye them nervously. You were afraid that your ridiculous affection would suddenly be tattooed on your forehead.

In the particular movie you were watching, two people fell in love at first sight. It was almost like they were soulmates, and you sighed. It wasn’t that you didn’t like the movie, but watching a movie like that was hard when you were surrounded by seven people you loved but knew would never love you back.

“Have you ever been in love?” Jeongguk asked, suddenly. It took you a stuttered second to realize he was speaking to you, wide and dark gaze unreadable in the low light. You realized that the movie was already over halfway finished, and you’d been distracted for a majority of it.

You stared at him for a long time, lost in thought. It felt like the entire room was waiting for your answer with bated breath, and for the first time in a long time, you felt slightly uncomfortable.

“Not like that,” you said. “And I don’t know if I’d want to be.”

Jeongguk looked away, but Namjoon drew your attention as he asked, “What do you mean?”

It was hard to explain, and you weren’t sure how to begin. How did you tell these men that you wanted that type of love so desperately, you could taste it on the tip of you tongue? How did you describe to them how much it scared you, enticed you, beckoned you for more? A type of love you could only read about, hear about in movies. The type of love only shared between soulmates?

It was easier, pretending not to want it. Because if you pretended not to want it, then you wouldn’t have to live with the crushing disappointment of never having it.

“That type of love doesn’t exist,” you ended up saying, because you were a coward, and intimately aware that you’d managed to fall in love with every single one of them, so who were you to be so greedy?

“I don’t think that’s true,” Jimin said, quietly. The movie was just a humble hum in the background, barely audible. “Maybe you just haven’t found it yet.”

It hurt, thinking about it. Hope could be just as painful as it was uplifting. “If it does exist, I don’t need it to be happy.”

They’d ruined you, you realized. There would be no one after them. Any chance you’d had of finding mediocre love with a man who made you happy but didn’t light a fire in your soul was dashed, and all because for the first time in your life, you’d found people that made you feel alive.

“Of course, you don’t need it. But what if someone wanted to give it to you?” Taehyung inquired.

You turned your head and looked away from them, considering and contemplating fruitlessly. “I don’t know.” The mood in the room plummeted, and you couldn’t help but think it was your fault. “I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have to apologize,” Jin whispered. “Sorry for interrupting the movie.”

“It’s fine,” you laughed, only a little awkwardly. “I wasn’t really paying attention anyway. Do you want to watch something else?”

They agreed, and finally settled on the first episode of a crime show you’d never heard of but pretended to watch avidly. Several of them glanced at you from the corner of their eyes, but you tried your best to ignore it.

By the time early dawn was creeping at your window, it was already decided that Bangtan would spend the night. Such was your routine. You ended up squished in one bed with Hoseok, Yoongi, and Namjoon, with Jin and the maknae line on the other bed. Everyone was so tired that sleep came easily, but you still lingered awake, thinking and worrying about the situation you’d gotten yourself into.

You needed to distance yourself from them, or tell them how you felt. You knew they’d never return your affection, but at least you wouldn’t feel guilty about lying to them.

I’m in love with you, I’m sorry. I need some distance to think.

It would almost be easy, but you didn’t want to see the look on their faces when you confessed. You would probably sound crazy. Who fell in love with seven people? They would probably think you were faking it because they were handsome, rich, and successful.

No, no, you knew that was your insecurity talking. But you also knew your friendship with them would never be the same afterward. You weren’t sure if you were ready to lose them.

You were so tired. You wished you could just fall asleep and not worry about anything until the morning.

“You can relax,” Yoongi whispered, suddenly. His voice was low and gruff and muddled by sleep.

You almost startled. Yoongi was lying right next to you, and you’d held yourself rigid to avoid touching him. You were afraid of making him uncomfortable. You could feel the pressure of Hoseok’s back against your own, but he was already fast asleep.

“M’fine,” you murmured. Yoongi snorted at how tired you sounded and scooted closer, until you had to actively fight not to sink next to him.

“Come here. It’s fine.”

You hesitated for a moment longer before settling down, letting Yoongi’s weight on the mattress roll you closer until you were pressed against his side. You rested your head against his chest, intertwining one leg between his. “Is that better?”

“Yeah,” you whispered into his sweatshirt, voice almost slurred with how sleepy you were. You wished you were at least coherent enough to appreciate his sudden closeness. “Are you comfortable?”

“So comfortable,” he muttered, nuzzling his cheek against the top of your head. He maneuvered until his arm was underneath your head, fingertips drawing idle patterns across your back. “So, so comfortable.”

You laughed and looped your arm around his middle. “You’re such a sap.”

Yoongi’s body was incredibly warm, and you angled your face upward toward his neck. You could feel Hoseok’s back pressed against your own, and you wanted him to turn around and wrap you between him and Yoongi like a Bangtan sandwich. You dispelled the thought a moment later, knowing that it would lead nowhere except to awkward heartbreak.

“You smell good,” Yoongi said, instead of replying.

Unconsciously, you took a deep breath and smelled him. He smelled like the hotel’s scented body wash and whatever leftover cologne he’d put on before the concert. “You do, too.”

“Did you enjoy the concert?”

“I always do.” In the dark of the hotel room, with the only sound being the rest of Bangtan’s steady breathing, you felt safely cocooned. It was like living in a different world, where whatever pain and heartache you felt could be left outside, and inside this haven you could finally be free. “Sitting in the crowd, watching the seven of you do what you do. . . you just take my breath away.”

He went quiet. You were almost embarrassed for being so open with him, but blanketed by warmth and darkness, you found yourself too tired to care. Yoongi’s chest was moving up and down steadily underneath your cheek, and the soothing feeling was steadily pushing you toward sleep, until he broke the still and earnest silence.

“It’s better, now that you’re here,” he admitted, in a voice almost too quiet to be heard. “You make us better.”

“Mhmm, Yoongi,” you murmured, face still pressed against his chest. You were so tired, and your body was so heavy. You would never get over this feeling, of being able to exist absolutely comfortable in their presence. Hoseok shifted behind you, and you felt the curve of his spine through the thin material of your t-shirt.

“Yeah, baby?”

You hummed again, slipping further out of consciousness. You thought you heard him chuckle before he drew you closer, hand coming to rest on your shoulder. You cuddled closer to him and sighed, the beating of seven other hearts lulling you to sleep.

~~~

You woke up that morning cold, and a little bit barren. You didn’t understand why until you shifted and didn’t feel anyone next to you. Your hand met warm pillow, which meant you hadn’t been abandoned for long, but was still less satisfying than finding a warm body.

You nuzzled sleepily into your pillow and almost hummed, until the low sound of whispering caught your attention.

For a moment, you were too tired to listen, but as the whispering went on, you slowly starting paying more and more attention. Then, you recognized voices.

“We need to tell her,” someone said. You perked up at the mention of a her—you? Another woman?

“We can’t,” Jeongguk despaired. “You heard her last night. We need to give her more time.”

“You were the one that was so eager in the first place,” Yoongi hissed. “You’re the one who asked all that shit last night!”

“Be quiet,” Namjoon scolded. “She’s still sleeping.”

You turned your head just slightly, and caught sight of the hotel clock—it was only six o’clock in the morning.

“I just feel like we’re lying to her,” Taehyung whispered.

“It’s not lying if we plan on telling her later,” Hoseok said. “Now just isn’t the right time.”

Jimin butted in, saying, “It’s been over a month. What if there isn’t a right time?”

“We’re being too hasty.”

“We’re being impatient.”

“We’re wasting precious time!”

You sat up in bed slowly, and it was as if all of the air in the room was suddenly vacuumed away. Taehyung made a distressed noise in the back of his throat, and you asked, “What are you talking about?”

Your voice was soft and gruff with sleep, but still auditable. Someone in the room gulped.

No one said anything. You could see them now, piled together on the other bed, Jimin and Namjoon braced on the edge while the other five cowered behind them. You shifted until you were sitting directly across from them. The blanket was bunched around your waist, and your hair probably looked a mess, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

Your nose twitched, and you asked again, “What are you talking about?”

The silence stretched impossibly longer. Everyone was looking between you and Namjoon, but even he seemed at a loss for what to say. You glanced at each other their faces, trying to analyze them for weakness. Someone would have to talk—someone would inevitably break.

“We’re in love with you,” Jimin blurted out. Everyone turned to glare at him while you gasped, raggedly. It was like a bucket of water being thrown over you.

You stared at him, wide-eyed and incredulous. For a moment you were too afraid to speak, until you breathed out an uncertain, “What?”

“We’re in love with you,” Jimin repeated, softer, slower. “All seven of us.”

Unconsciously, you shook your head. It didn’t seem possible, and your brain was having trouble making sense of it—there was no way in Heaven or Hell that all seven men in Bangtan were in love with you. You were nothing, compared to the women that surrounded them daily. You were nothing, compared to the money and the fame they had. You were nothing. Maybe you were still dreaming, and this was all just an elaborate fantasy.

Jin was quick to do damage control. “It’s not as weird as Jimin makes it out to be.”

“Actually, it’s weirder,” Yoongi commented, dryly. “We’re soulmates.”

To himself, Namjoon muttered, “God, we’re so bad at this.” He pinched the bridge of his nose but didn’t move to speak further.

“What does that mean?” you asked.

“It means,” Yoongi continued, “that the eight of use are meant to be together. Every single one of us. We were meant to be together since the day we were born.”

“It’s not something we can explain easily,” Hoseok winced. “But the seven of us already knew what to expect, when it happened. Meeting your soulmate is like finding a missing part of yourself. It’s touching another person and knowing they hold a piece of you.”

“It’s looking into someone else’s gaze and seeing yourself reflected back at you,” Taehyung added.

“It’s filling a hole in your heart without even realizing it was there,” Jeongguk finished, quietly.

Namjoon decided to interrupt, saying, “We know it’s hard for someone who hasn’t seen it before to understand. That’s why we haven’t said anything until now.”

You looked up at the ceiling, not sure what to say. A part of you wished they would have told you sooner, but another part knew you wouldn’t have been ready to hear it.

“Didn’t you feel something?” Jimin asked, leaning forward on the bed. “When we first met, when we were finally all together? Didn’t something about it just feel right?”

“I don’t know,” you whispered, and your voice was embarrassingly weak. “I—uh—,”

You must be going insane. Soulmates didn’t exist, and if they did, you certainly would have seven of them—and they certainly wouldn’t be the entirety of Bangtan. All talented, handsome, special—and then plain, boring you? Nothing about it made sense when it was laid out in front of you, logical and analyzed.

But you couldn’t forget that feeling you’d had, when you’d first met them—all the heated touches, the electricity, how comfortable they made you. That feeling you’d had in the car, when Namjoon had shut the door and suddenly the world didn’t spin on a titled axis, suddenly a layer of static was lifted from your brain, and for once you could be at peace.

You couldn’t forget the rightness, buried deep in your chest.

“Why me?” you asked them. “I just don’t see why me.”

“Because you’re the only person in the world meant just for us,” Jeongguk breathed, and his voice was reverent, and the seven of them looked at you like you were something to be worshiped.

And it was too much. Your insecurity, your confusion—they pilled on top of each other and multiplied and multiplied, filling your body and your chest and it was too much.

You stood abruptly, startling them. “I think I need to leave.”

“Don’t go,” Jimin immediately begged, reaching out to you.

You took a step back. “I-I’m sorry. I need to think. I can’t think clearly when you’re all here.”

“Then we can leave,” Namjoon started to say. “This is your hotel room—,”

But you turned before they could stand, and you were out of the hotel room before they had time to stop you.

[nerdymedzebra]

Roundup of my mentions of EIAn

I'm seeing a new immunologist today, so I'm trying to prepare for the appointment. Especially since she seems to be one of the ones who barely "believes in" MCAS, and certainly not without high tryptase, which I've never tested above normal on before. But it seems like for some people she's still good at treating the symptoms, even if she calls it different things. So I'm trying to list out all my symptoms. But, naturally, my brain feels dead today, and it's hard to think of stuff. Therefore, I'm trying to gather things I've said about it online recently, and I figured I'd just do that here so that I wont lose it next time I need to reference this! Exercise Induced Anaphylaxis:

“ A year after my #MCAS diagnosis and a month after my long suspected Exercise Induced Anaphylaxis diagnosis, I finally got my first epi pens today. And about 7 years after I got my #VCD dx, I finally got a speech therapy referral! I spent most of this month in a terrible flare so I'll try whatever at this point. 😱 “

Facebook post in a Dysautonomia Group

(Oct 2019)

Does anyone know the WHY, biologically (not just "bc that's what dysautonomia does," but specifics!) that often when I stand up for too long, like today when shopping, instead of normal presyncope where the head symptoms predominate, I'll just start overheating, and then it feels like my post-eating reactions sometimes, where it'll feel like all my blood is rushing to my guts and they are liquifying most uncomfortably. When I sit down, it's significantly better.

I get the blood pooling in the legs, gravity and all, but why does it sometimes seem to pool in my guts just from being upright?!

This has happened ever since I can remember, in fact as a teen I associated it with libraries, as if go and stand around for ages looking at books, and would always get such angry guts. My lightheaded regular presyncope seems to have developed in my early 20s, but this one has been around a lot longer longer.

“ I got my free lifetime access pass to national parks system today! Such a great program! ❤️❤️I almost felt bad for it, as it's such a great deal, until a 3 minute walk on a path to a waterfall (that a 2 year old was walking himself), which has an accessible trail that was still in progress of being made, made my lungs burn to the point of almost throwing up. So, nm, I don't feel bad for getting a free pass to places I can really only enjoy via the car (which I can't even drive myself). But, I am very grateful for it! If you're an American who has a doctor sign off that you have a lifelong disability of any sort, you can get one of these! “

Exercise-Induced Anaphalaxis test.

(Mar 2019)

Ah, irony. Literally the first time IN MY LIFE I have done cardio and not reacted. ENTIRELY different from my cardiac exercise test last year where all the symptoms started up I started blacking out and it took 15 minutes to be able to leave the table  the tech dragged me onto when he had to pull me off the treadmill and not almost puke and over a half hour before I was able to leave the waiting room bc I was flat on the floor, legs up, trying to breath and not puke and get the rest of my body able to move again and perhaps be less tomato-red, sweaty, and scary looking.)

For the first time in my entire life, I did intense cardio (well, only for a minute or two), and didn't react (tho my lungs burned like a mfer and I was still coughing 15+ minutes later, which does always happen too, but none of the other things did, like tanking BP and skyrocketing HR, extreme gi upset, throat swelling, blacking out.. Not even Flushing which happens first and to an absurd degree (in gym classes my level of redness would always scare my gym teachers)

MCAS hates cleaning

(Feb 2019)

me: *cleans in a flurry of bodily movement* mast cells: ALERT! ALERT! IS THIS AN ALL OUT BODY INVASION THREATENING YOUR VERY LIFE??? ALL HANDS ON DECK!!! *releases like, all 200 mediators* me: um, no, it's okay, I'm just making the bed and tidying and taking out the trash???? This isn't even cardio!! I am literally barely doing more than just walking!! mast cells/body: *turns face tomato red and burns like i have a horrible fever* *circulatory system forgets how to push blood up against gravity* *heart flutters at full speed* *body overheats* *lungs burn, throat burns* *gets out of breath* *starts to sweat* *gets pre-pre-syncope-y* me: um okay fine. this is fine, sure. *has to sit every 3 minutes so it doesn't progress further (GI revolt & throat swelling would be up next)* *is unable to do all the things*😒😩

Exercise Induced Anaphalaxis during a super mild bike ride this morning. SIGH

(Dec 2018)

1.2 mile bike ride to the place where we've been dropping the mice we catch in our house reminded me that I'm still a total mess. By the time we got there I had just started coughing and feeling like my lungs were goopy (first step in my exercise-induced anaphalaxis when it's a slow-build)

We were there like 20 minutes, I thought I was mostly okay so we started on the .8mile ride to the coffee shop I'm currently at.... My eyes didn't register an incline in the street at all but my body sure AF did. Within 3 minutes my lungs were ON FIRE... I have a very visual brain and so I had this mental image of someone holding a lighter up to the cillia of my lungs and burning it all off. It hurt a lot. The coughing started again and my ..idk, neck area? got all tingly like it does before I throw up. Breathing was troublesome. I stopped and stood there and my face started feeling hot and sweaty.

I walked the bike slowly only a tiny distance to the top of the 'incline' and glided down, but then it got to a flat part again, and normally that would have been fine, but since my chemical soup hadn't settled down yet it just put me right back in it. We slowly cruised one block to the coffee shop and I was out of breath (it's not quite wheezing but it feels close, just without any wheezing sound) and it was all back with a vengeance.

Facebook Post

(Nov 2018)

Anyway, I'm tentatively excited about this. Because my #1 biggest problem with my MCAS is how severely my body reacts to even the smallest amount of cardio, as in it legit starts anaphalaxis RIGHT AWAY (I rode my bike on a not-even-noticable-unless-youre-me incline last weekend, I stopped several times (less than a mile distance!) and it still started!). The throat swelling in reaction to everyday triggers has mostly been controlled by my new MCAS med regiment (yay!) but it doesn't do anything for the exercise-induced anaphalaxis.

This weekend, though, I was actually reading up on what teeny tiny amount of research *has* been done on exercise-induced anaphalaxis so far, and the one and only treatment they've found that has worked (though not for everyone) has been cromolyn (and the other mcas med that starts with an O-- i forget the name). It is, interestingly, also a medicine that IS used for exercise-induced asthma as well, too (which is what i was diagnosed with starting in elementary school (and the inhalers were unsurprisingly useless) but then an asthma dr in my 20s said I didn't have it..).

But like, what if this works?? What if I can actually.. ride bikes? Go on an actual hike?? DANCE?? (I had to quit dance as a kid bc of health and that still makes me sad..) :-o :-o :-o

She said that a lot of her MCAS patients also have a huge reduction in brain fog with this, too. Not all, but many. Having consistently good brain days is even more unbelievable for me to even think about. But I sure as heck am crossing my fingers.

MCAS is also implicated in my dysautonomia (along with my neck/spine instability and squished spinal cord..), interstitial cystitis and other conditions (mast cells are all over and thus wreck havok all over) so.. who knows what all might get better!

Exercise-Induced Anaphalaxis

(Sep 2018)

Even as a kid, whenever I'd do gym class or try to do anything cardio-y, I would get TOMATO RED, itchy, sweat buckets, struggle to breathe because my throat felt so constricted, have an upset stomach, feel like I was about to pass out, and feel like death in general. As a kid I was diagnosed with exercise-induced asthma. Inhalers never did anything though.

[rearima]

Many thoughts on :re 123

I wonder if Yoriko actually expected Mutsuki? Because her reaction does imply that she’s been expecting somebody. If she had a date with Bujin I’d expect her to already show a surprised reaction upon hearing the voice/before she turned around since I’m pretty sure Mutsuki’s voice is quite different from Bujin’s. Since Mutsuki said to Bujin that she might know Touka it’s very much possible that Mutsuki directly talked to Yoriko or wanted to meet her in person to help her find her friend. It’d easy for her to gain Yoriko’s trust and lure her to some place so she could attack her...

The hand doesn’t mean that she’s dead yet. She might very well still be alive. I see two possibilities here: 1)Mutsuki killed Yoriko (maybe even in Torso style since apparently she now also hates women and since Yoriko is the best friend of the woman that stole her man, all the more reason to brutally murder her). Also because the dead don’t speak. It might be troublesome if she’s still alive and someone somehow manages to rescue her. 2)Yoriko is purposely kept alive so she can be used to threaten Touka. You know Touka would pretty much do anything to save Yoriko... oh boi... Which one is more likely? You tell me.

(btw, taking a closer look at the hand, it seems like a bone is sticking out..? Seems like Mutsuki’s definitely wasn’t too careful handling Yoriko…)

(also, stay strong, Bujin. AND SAVE YOUR WAIFU! ugh, this gets so much to me bc Yoriko is the sweetest cinnamon roll in TG. If there’s one person that never did anything bad it’d be her. How the fck could you do this to such a kind person??? )

Now let’s talk about Mutsuki. At the beginning we see her being super happy n emotional, tearing up, clenching Kaneki’s shirt and begging him to come back. I won’t call this all just being an act Mutsuki put up. There’s no denying that she was happy and emotional and really wanted him back (it was sad really, the panel where she holds the end of his shirt and begging him to come back actually got to me).

But at the same time she came with a fully thought out plan and she most likely knew how he’d react and what to expect. She acted super innocent but we know she wasn’t shocked or anything when she saw fake Kaneki getting beheaded (like pls, she seen and done worse than that). But  although she knew what to expect she still tried, still took the chance and when she got her answer(or so she thinks) you could see the hurt on her face nonetheless.

(^ that’s some Furuta style acting, Mucchan...)

What’s Mutsuki’s perception of Kaneki/Haise atm? The official statement of the CCG is that Haise betrayed them and killed Arima. There are some doubters and Urie is one of them. But not Mutsuki. She wouldn’t care much about why/how this really went down as long as he came back. It’s not about the CCG. But what might be interesting to point out here is that she did not only mention herself but also briefly mentions others (Suzuya, Itou and the Qs). I have wondered about this a long time ago: Aside from Haise, what are her feelings towards others, how are their relationships, how important are the others to her?

(putting the rest under the cut bc this gonna be long bc I’m just putting everything in one post muhahaha)

Just like how Kaneki doesn’t know that much about Mutsuki, Mutsuki doesn’t know much about Kaneki either. She genuinely thinks that she (and the other friends) don’t mean much to Kaneki, she thinks he betrayed them/their feelings, that he chose stinky ghoul over them (tho she’s a ghoul herself now) - just that plain and simple (but we know it wasn’t that simple of a decision and that there were many difficult circumstances and that they actually still mean a lot to Kaneki, despite him ultimately choosing to side with the ghouls).

And Kaneki, he doesn’t know just how (mentally) dangerous Mutsuki is now. Even after getting relentlessly attacked he’d think it’s just that they want to capture him and Mutsuki is being so aggressive bc she feels betrayed and hurt. Mutsuki having major psychological issues (and how it came to) and her having an unhealthy obsession over him - it’s something no one except herself and Uta (and to an extent Shinsanpei) know about. In his eyes, even now, Mutsuki isn’t that different from how he last remembered her. She misses him and she’s feeling super hurt and angry because he betrayed them - all still quite understandable in Kaneki’s eyes.

Scene shift to Urie, the package, Mutsuki’s room: First of all, I still wonder if she’s even trying to hide her not so normal side anymore. She should know that such display would lead ppl to suspect and start doubting her. Then why is it that this is the first thing one sees upon opening the door (which is conveniently not locked)? (and yeah some sarcastic part of me found it funny how she made dozens of copies of the same picture just so that she could stab Touka’s face some more…)

How’s Urie gonna react? He’s been in much denial until now but this? This is getting way too much outta hand and he really should do something about it. And I’m sure we’ll get that confrontation between them since Ishida especially loves to mess with Urie’s character lol… Also, I think it’s no conincident that just two chapters before we had this little meet up between the Qs (expect Aura and Mustuki) and Juuzou & Itou (bc I was kinda suprised that Mutsuki also mentions these two here). It’s likely a setup for a confrontation between Mutsuki/Aura and Urie/Qs/Juuzou/Itou. No idea how this will play out atm as we have so many different sides in this upcoming battle/arc and we’re just one chapter in. Will Urie boldly confront Mutsuki about this? Will he rather further investigate this himself? Will he seek out Saiko and the others?

(It’s probably nothing but I had thought that there might be bodyparts in the package, but then again, Urie’d smell that and it’s way too suspicious and dangerous from Mutsuki’s pov.)

Regarding the RC suppressants, the two translations are quite different.

In ms translation he flat out states that he won't be able to use his kagune now while in jaimini's translation he says "if this keeps up" whichs implies that he's not completely done for for now. It's unclear how much of suppressants is needed to make him completely unable to use the kagune or even to knock him out. Nonetheless, it will already have effect on his overall abilities of regeneration, agility etc. Ofc I want Kaneki to put up a good fight and not end up like a punching bag for Shinsanpei and get themselves in more danger than necessary. So yeah, part of me is kinda salty about how he was (not) holding himself up so far. But analytically speaking, him not being able to block another hit after realizing that there are suppressants incorporated in the weapons, it probably also has a lot to do with the effect already kicking in. I'd expect him to put up at least a better defense and be especially careful about the weapons but at this point we don't know how much he's already handicapped. Without his kagune and no physical advantages of a ghoul it's looking really bad for him... And well, he’d also have to be more determined going into this fight against his former student (even though it’s cruel to always put him in such position). (Ayato needs to get in here and repeat what he told him back in the lab about how dangerous being an half-ass is for the group.)

Touka is handling it better so far avoiding the blades. Although it's probably not consciously done as I don't think she's realized about the suppressants yet. Not sure about Touka's exact full strength atm but maybe she’d be able to get both herself and Kaneki out of danger - if she can still pull herself together that is... Will she be able to remain calm and focused? It’d be quite incredible if she can tbh... 

Mutsuki really planned that one out well. She's probably even waited for everyone else to leave the cafe before she entered (since it was shortly after Koma and Kaya left).

Also, Mutsuki's power level: When she dodged Touka's projectiles (which are super fast) we see that she's wearing a completely bored expression. That’s just... incredible. (and no, I don't think she’s got the Sharingan xD) While Mutsuki looks unchallenged Touka seems already about to go all out... Mutsuki probably only went into this after she made sure she’d win this battle.

Oh yeah btw, what the hell is your problem Shinsanpei? Your aunty-issues just came from out of nowhere. There should be more behind it imo since otherwise it doesn’t make too much sense to me, not to the extend his hatred towards Kaneki goes. (It was actually kind of Kaneki letting them live and not cutting limbs or anything. Normally, a ghoul would kill anyone who’s seen their face but Kaneki is a soft boy so he didn’t want to kill.)

(there also this whole issue regarding Mutsuki and gender in this chapter. maybe I’ll put some thought on this in another post...)

(sry about much bad english, i haven’t checked/reread this.)