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vibesfc · 2 years

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in defence of eloise bridgerton

before i post yet another unsolicited thinkpiece, i have to credit @alrightsnaps and @torchwood-99 for inspiring these thoughts in the first place. (they have no idea who i am lol but i'm not about to plaigarise.) i've embedded their posts at the end. i read them when they were first published however many weeks/months ago and they've remained in my brain ever since.

nb. again, i didn't intend for it to be this long lol. not rambling is not my strong suit.

i was surprised to find that so many people dislike show!eloise (and book!eloise as well it seems) because i am such an eloise apologist lmao. i can fully understand that she’s very sheltered and privileged and often presents a very “not like other girls” attitude that we as a culture are trying to move away from. i understand that due to her family's circumstances and her position in society, eloise tends to unfairly judge other women, particularly her peers. however, she is also only 17, maybe 18, years old. as a modern woman in the 21st century, i displayed similar behaviour in my teenagedom despite believing myself to be a big old feminist, progressive, and socially aware. (which i do believe is was, within the context of my age and where i come from, but i also had a lot to learn and reevulate - and am certain still do and will do forevermore.) granted, i didn’t express myself as aggressively as eloise is wont to do, but there were certainly many things i do not know or understand and therefore probably said a few things that i would not even think to say today.

eloise has only just discovered wollstonecraft, she has so much more reading to do, which is crucially something she actively desires. i do not interpret her character as believing she knows all she needs to and that she knows more than anybody else, even if her countenance sometimes suggests otherwise. eloise clearly wants to learn more, to develop her mind by engaging in debate and having her ideas challenged. indeed, i think that’s what drew her to theo in the first place. with both eloise and penelope (whose behaviour warrants even deeper analysis), it seems the audience often forgets just how young they are. yes, legally they are ladies out in society, but they are still very much girls. they don’t even know how babies are made for heaven's sake. they are kept so in the dark about the contractual obligations expected of them and would be naive not to approach "the rigmarole of courtship" with some wariness.

in my opinion, it’s no wonder that eloise is so opposed to marriage and motherhood because of what she has witnessed in violet. in the throes of giving birth to hyacinth, violet had no autonomy over her own life or body, or hyacinth’s life of body, which was very much still attached to (read: inside of) hers. violet's powerlessness in this situation was compounded by the fact the choice, of whether she or the baby would live or die, was given to her totally inexperienced 19 year old son, who had never raised children before and would never know what it feels like to be with child. not only is violet barred by the doctor (until permitted by anthony) to decide the fate of her own life, and her unborn child's, she is forced to relinquish this power to someone she still considers to be a child himself.

although eloise may not be aware of the exact details of hyacinth's birth, her distress at whatever she imagines to be happening is explicit. we see her crying heavily in daphne's arms, surely a vignette of her trauma (and daphne's as well, which is not the same of course, but definitely related). that she probably hasn't been informed about what did go on makes the memory scarier still. when this is the example eloise is given of what motherhood and marriage entail (i.e., no autonomy, no self-control, possibly death), i am not surprised at all that she seeks to avoid such a fate in the strongest terms, and likewise cannot fathom why other women would desire it. in her mind, to wed a man and sire his children is to sacrifice her life, wants and freedom to choose. based on the template provided, a married woman would lose all subjectivity, existing as an object whose only real purpose is to fulfil her husband's wants and needs.

moreover, the way her character arc is structured is problematic. before the audience meets eloise (or daphne, francesca, and hyacinth) or learns her name, we already know she will inevitably fall in love, get married and have children regardless of her personality or ambitions. that her character has been set up to change her mind about marriage and motherhood really stuck with me. by fixing her storyline in such a way, the writers essentially position a woman's desire for singledom or spinsterhood as the immature fancies of a chila. while eloise's criticism of others for desiring such things can be quite severe or inappropriately timed (e.g., anthony’s failed wedding), the underlying message is not what it ought to be as a purportedly feminist programme. at its most basic level, that is, "women should be able to live their lives in whichever way they want", here as spinster or wife. instead, by having eloise “realise” that her original goals were misplaced, that her life is in fact incomplete without the things she railed against, the narrative ignores the fact that there are women who chose not to marry or procreate that remain perfectly happy and fulfilled. to suggest otherwise does these women a great disservice.

this is not to say that i believe eloise is right, per see – that marriage and motherhood spawn inescapable doom – but that a woman has options, that there are multiple ways to lead a happy life. i wish they would show (even if very briefly) that it is possible for ladies (not just working women) to remain content in singledom and, further, prefer it in some cases to the status quo. by nature, the series will always demonstrate the positive effects of marriage, whether for love (bridgertons, queen charlotte) or convenience (lady danbury, henry granville), so it is a shame that the writers do not acknowledge the alternative.

in fact, the writers seem to double down on eloise’s disdain for these roles precisely because they know she will change her mind. being aware of how her story ends, they could have presented her character as more sceptical/scared of these concepts rather than outright hostile/insulting. i think this would have completely changed the moral of her narrative as well as the tone of her relationship with theo. i think a big part of their relationship arc was to show eloise that perhaps it is not so bad to love a man and desire a life together. i believe it was probably the writers' intention to introduce theo as a way to segue into her love story with phillip. however, it is important to remember that to love and marry a working man does not carry the same implications it does a gentleman.

from the outset, the balance of power between the sexes is more equal with theo and eloise knows this. she can see that theo appreciates her mind for what it is - not an “accomplishment”, as she would say, to increase her stock, but genuine interest in her voice. because of their class differences, she doesn’t owe him anything, nor does she expect anything from him. so, when eloise does share her thoughts with him, she can be secure in the knowledge that theo is spending time with her for no other reason than because he wants to. eloise knows theo takes her opinion seriously and sees her as an independent subject instead of a marriageable object.

in this regard, eloise's fears of marrying a gentleman (a specific type of man) have not been reasonably assuaged because what a man of phillip's rank typically wants/offers a lady is inherently different to a working man. this is not to say that i’m against her relationship with phillip, on the contrary philloise is my favourite ship after hyareth (more so due to fandom lore and ao3 headcanons than to sir phillip, with love, which i have not read and do not intend to). i simply believe the writers could have developed her character more sensitively with regard to her feminist identity.

in defence of the writers, i believe eloise's bravado that so many viewers seem to dislike (her attitude that she is "not like other girls") speaks to her insecurity as a young debutante. early in season 2, eloise admits to peneolope the shame she feels knowing (though, this is surely in her head) that she will forever disappoint her mother, her suitors and the ton for not being daphne ("the perfect diamond"). in the way people so often do, i believe eloise wants people to know that she does not care about their opinions because deep down she actually does.

eloise has shown instances of social anxiety and clearly worries about measuring up to daphne and possibly francesca, who is canonically next season's diamond. i get the impression that eloise wants to reach the punchline before her critics can, to ensure suitors know she has already found them disagreeable and, therefore, does not care if they think the same of her. as is somewhat symptomatic of girls her age, i think eloise is afraid, and perhaps ashamed, to be herself.

when she sneers at other debutantes for desiring courtship and the like, eloise appears to project her insecurities about finding a suitable match onto others. i do not mean to imply that she secretly wants all the things she argues against, rather that she loves her family and wants to please her family (particularly her mother) and is afraid of disappointing them simply by way of who she is. from this perspective, eloise endeavours to keep others' expectations of her as low as possible so as to not let anybody down.

#bridgerton #eloise bridgerton #eloise x theo #i love her your honour #theo sharpe #sir phillip crane #this is what i do to procratinate revising for stats :)#i am fuckeedddddddddd #eloise x phillip #daphne bridgerton #violet bridgerton #trash essay #*

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makeste · 4 years

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BnHA Chapter 287: Family Reunion

Previously on BnHA: The Tomura For One VS Deku And Pals clusterfuck reached new levels of clustfuckery as AFO possessed Tomura’s body and stabbed Kacchan and Endeavor. Shouto was all “good thing I leveled up offscreen so as to be able to fly around whilst carrying 400lbs worth of people”, and did just that and it was like, damn, son. Meanwhile Deku’s rage went Mach 100, and he kicked Tomura’s ass for almost two whole seconds, but in the process he apparently forgot that IF TOMURA TOUCHES HIM THAT IS VERY BAD, and so he stupidly let Tomura touch him and Tomura was all “GAME, SET.” Fortunately for Deku, his quirk plays by its own rules, and so the chapter ended with us cutting to the METAPHYSICAL OFA/AFO PARANORMAL DREAMSCAPE OF MYSTICAL BULLSHIT, where AFO!Vestige was all “lol Tomura y u mad”, and Nana!Vestige was all “SUP DEKU, YOU’RE JUST IN TIME, LOOKS LIKE IT’S ASSKICKING O’CLOCK.” I’m paraphrasing a bit, but that’s more or less the gist of it.

Today on BnHA: AFO is all “well if it isn’t Tomura’s grandmother who I murdered that one time”, and Deku is all “?”, and AFO is all “fucking vestiges, man, wild”, and Deku is all “??”, and AFO is all “ANYWAYS GETTIM TOMURA”, and OFA is all “NOT SO FAST”, and Deku is all “???”, and really, same. AFO then goes off on some wild tangent about how Deku is unworthy because he couldn’t protect everyone and needed help from OFA and got mad about his friends being stabbed, which is such a cold take it gave me hypothermia, but it ends up not mattering since Deku and Tomura both wake up seconds later with OFA still in the possession of its rightful owner, HOW ABOUT THAT. The chapter ends with the LoV approaching on Gigantomachia’s back with Dabi practically salivating at the mouth, and Toga trying to reignite an old fandom blood feud. Toga why would you do this to me. Toga.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS

[CROWD LOSING THEIR MINDS] FINALLY THE NANA HAS COME BACK TO BNHA!! IF YA SMELLLLL WHAT THE NANA IS COOKIN!!!!! [RINGSIDE BELL CHIMING WILDLY] [LOUD AIRHORN NOISES]

“chapter 287: mistake” omg. yeah I’ll say you made a mistake, AFO. I HOPE YOU ENJOY THESE FLEETING LAST MOMENTS OF YOUR SHITTY EVIL LIFE

(ETA: so in all seriousness this must be referring to AFO’s belief that All Might/OFA made a mistake in choosing Deku, right? “I can’t believe you went and chose this shounen manga protagonist as your champion, what were you thinking.” I’ll just put this out there: however many comic books AFO read as a child, it clearly was not enough.)

wow Deku how slow are you

yes you’re inside OFA you dimbulb, did you think your clothes suddenly vanished out of the blue and the ghost of Nana just randomly appeared in the real world by some freak coincidence?? can you believe this kid. breaks his arms a measly 10-15 times in a row and all of a sudden he can’t think straight, get it together Deku

but also brb having a moment at the fact that his thoughts immediately run back to Kacchan, even with all of this nonsense going on and Nana about to lay the beatdown on AFO’s potato-lookin’ ass. forget that noise, all he wants to know is whether or not Kacchan is all right. fuckin’ geez. AM I OVERREACTING HERE A BIT. probably

(ETA: ALSO!! the way he just trails off!! “Kacchan is...” and then he can’t bring himself to complete the thought. oh my god my heart.)

HOLY SHIT

okay,

damn but this man sure knows how to ruffle my feathers. as eminently detestable as ever!!

could it be any clearer here that AFO is not on Tomura’s side?? for a moment I thought he had actually grabbed him by the back of the head in order to get him to look. but nope, he’s just resting his pointing hand on top of his head instead while he’s all “HEY TOMURA LOL IT’S THE GHOST OF YOUR DEAD PATHETIC GRANDMA”

for those keeping track at home, this would be the first time that Deku has heard this information -- that Tomura is Nana’s grandson -- and possibly the first time Vestige!Nana has heard it as well. Nana died when Kotarou was still a child, so for all we know the Vestige!Nana didn’t even know she had a grandson, lol. TODAY ON “MAKESTE RANTS AT LENGTH ABOUT THINGS THAT WILL PROBABLY BE ADDRESSED WITHIN THE NEXT THREE PANELS”, anyway moving on

lmao for the record I fucking LOLed at this giant question mark immediately bubbling up over Deku’s head

no idea what AFO is about to ramble on about now, haven’t read that far yet. but let the record show that Deku’s immediate reaction to hearing “BTW NANA IS YOUR ARCHNEMESIS’S GRANDMA LULZ” is everything I could have hoped for

(ETA: fandom nailed the shit out of this one with the confused Mr. Krabs meme lmao.)

okay so now AFO is monologuing at length about how he would sometimes have “riveting dreams” about the previous owners of all the quirks he stole. but once he gave the quirks away they stopped bothering him?? holy moly let me just take all the notes

okay so he’s saying that Vestiges are created whenever someone has their quirk stolen by AFO. but if they then disappear when he gives the quirks away, does that also mean that whoever receives the quirks also gets the original owner’s Vestige bundled in every time?? that would be wild okay hold up let me read the rest of this

so he’s saying that the Vestiges are actually the “consciousnesses” of the original quirk owners, which have become embedded in their dna or something. SOUNDS INCREDIBLY DUBIOUS TO ME LOL but on the other hand this is a world where children can be born with airplane heads, so my disbelief can hardly afford to pick and choose what it’s gonna be suspended at! anyways though, how does he know he’s the only one who was able to converse with them? did you conduct detailed six-month follow-up interviews with everyone you gave quirks to or what

and if it really is the case that this ability was formerly exclusive to him, isn’t that more evidence than ever that OFA and AFO are actually THE EXACT SAME QUIRK oh whoops am I getting ahead of myself again, sorry

MEANWHILE TOMURA IS ALL, “GRANDMA?”

“WHY AM I HERE, WELL LET ME TELL YOU A STORY, GRANDSON. YOU SEE THAT MAN GROWING OUT OF YOUR RIBCAGE THERE? WELL IT’S JUST THE FUNNIEST THING, ACTUALLY”

WAIT SO IS HE SAYING THEY’RE SOULS OR NOT??

this makes it sound like they won’t ever get to rest, which sure sounds like a soul thing to me. well whatever, soul, consciousness, I guess it’s just semantics at the end of the day

anyways though, so this asshole is finally done talking (I’m sure that won’t last), so now we can finally have the heartwarming reunion we’ve all been waiting for

sigh

-- actually, no, not “sigh”!! you know what!! because Tomura says “whatever the reason”, but that’s only because he doesn’t actually have a fucking clue about the reason. like, I don’t know if the knowledge that AFO killed Nana would be enough to give him pause, but if he knew the whole story and knew that AFO was behind not only Nana’s death, but the rest of his family’s deaths as well... now that would be a whole different thing

anyway. but at least it’s becoming clearer now why AFO spent all that time raising Tomura up as his heir and brainwashing him even though he seems to have been planning this body takeover the whole time. it’s all because he loves making people miserable! yaaaaay

btw HAS NANA HAD THE EXACT SAME MOLE ON HER CHIN AS TOMURA THIS ENTIRE TIME WTF. am I just the least observant person who ever lived lmao

lol wtf

ground: [randomly starts exploding]

Deku: “ONE FOR ALL IS BEING ERODED!!!” LOL IS THAT WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE, OKAY THEN. I’ll take your word for it

y’all I cannot fucking get over this “AFO growing out of Tomura’s hip socket like a fucked-up ventriloquist dummy” shit though

you do realize that absolutely no one can take you seriously right now, right?? it’s important to me that you know this

WHAT’S THIS NOW

seems like SOMEONE has had it up to here with a certain SOMEONE ELSE’S bullshit lmaooo bye Felicia

I SAID GOOD DAY!!

you guys why is he not dying!!

-- OH DAMN

love how Deku is just lying there like “YOU KNOW THOSE DAYS WHERE YOU’RE LIKE, THIS MIGHT AS WELL HAPPEN.” poor Deku

(ETA: where in god’s name is OFA Prime standing. why are my thoughts fully consumed by this lmao.)

are Nana and OFA Prime even doing anything?? why are they sticking their arms out like that. wait hold up is this all a big metaphor for the back-and-forth going on between Tomura trying to steal OFA and OFA being all “actually no you can’t, please enter your password and click on all the boxes with bicycles in them to prove you’re a human first”?

OH SNAP OFA PRIME SAID NO THANKS

“SORRY BRO WE’VE ALREADY MADE OURSELVES AT HOME HERE”

I have only just noticed that metaphysical!Deku has the same scars as actual!Deku. and yet his arms are not currently broken! that doesn’t really seem consistent to me but whatever!! maybe he saved right before the boss battle, that would be smart of him

anyway, that’s great and all that OFA Prime is here helping out, but I really wanted to see Nana fight AFO in a one on one though so I’m a bit disappointed. also why is it only the two of them?? where are Banjou and the others. of all the times to be sleeping on the job

FOR FUCK’S SAKE, THIS MAN

WOULD YOU STOP. WOULD YOU JUST QUIT IT ALREADY

oh shit hold up

doesn’t this confirm that the reason he wanted to transfer his power to Tomura is because he believed it would make him strong enough to finally take OFA because of Quirk Singularity? jesus christ. and here he was so sure of himself. but it turns out he doesn’t actually know shit! you can’t just fucking take OFA like that ya dingdong that’s not how it works

(ETA: SO, A THOUGHT -- is there any sort of subtle hinting here in the way that he words this? “if your strength is combined with mine”, as opposed to “if my strength is combined with yours”? no idea if the admittedly-so-small-as-to-be-almost-inconsequential distinction between those two sentences exists in the original Japanese or not, but I find it very interesting that the English wording implies that he’s the one adding Tomura’s strength to his own, rather than vice versa.)

now he’s insulting Deku!!

excuse me sir WHO ASKED YOU anyway. and never mind that being consumed by an, AND I QUOTE, “unquenchable” rage is your protege’s whole THING, and that he also needed your help to avoid being burned to a crisp a short while ago. where do you get off I swear

(ETA: also just want to point out that in the panel before this one he says that he’s been “watching through Tomura”, which pretty much confirms that his consciousness or whatever is alive inside of him all the time. Tomura is definitely not getting rid of this guy any time soon.)

WOW

first he calls Kacchan useless, then he calls Deku a simpleton, and don’t even get me started with Nana. just, you guys. this man is just... a very, very rude man

NOW OFA IS ALL “THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT MAKES HIM SUCH A GOOD PROTAGNIST YOU BUTTMUNCH” AND OMG PREACH

“DESPITE HIS COMMON SENSE” sdfkllk my man he already has one brother roasting him, take it easy guy

AHH WHAT

IS THIS BACK IN THE REAL WORLD

YEP

hahaha nice try Tomura

so Deku’s all “I didn’t lose my power! BUT” and I assume the “but” is the part where his arms are still broken and shit, and meanwhile Tomura’s body is almost healed up now finally

they’re both wiped out and now AFO is again petitioning Tomura to let him take over goddammit

“you won’t lose your mind” yep, he sure won’t! scout’s honor!! pinky swear!!

meanwhile Deku is getting fucking desperate flkjl;k my baby. and Machia is going to show up any second now too, probably. what else can fucking go wrong at this point

oh shit I shouldn’t have asked

get ready to rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrruuuumble, probably

OH MY GOD

WELL AT LEAST SOMEONE HERE IS HAVING A GOOD TIME. jesus

so as soon as he heard Endeavor was there he got all, “TIME FOR THE BIG REVEAL”, is that right? WELL JOKE’S ON YOU TOUYA, YOUR DAD DOESN’T SEEM ALL THAT CONSCIOUS AT THE MOMENT, SO THAT’S GOING TO DRAIN A LOT OF THE TENSION FROM THE SCENE WHEN YOU GO ALL REVERSE DARTH VADER ON HIM AND HE’S ALL “ZZZZZZZZ”

meanwhile Toga is having unsettlingly quiet angst

jesus christ Toga this is all we need right now

“WAS JIN-KUN NOT A PERSON” sdkfjlk Horikoshi I swear. please have mercy on this fandom. this is the debate that refuses to die!!

but seriously ffs, the issue isn’t that Jin deserved to die, it’s that the countless people whom Jin would have either directly or indirectly killed didn’t deserve to die either. people don’t only become people when you attach names and faces to them! we all loved Jin because we’d gotten to know him, but that doesn’t mean his life was inherently worth more than the lives of all the people he would have killed. sometimes there’s just no good answer

like, it’s just crazy to me that because the heroes are all “we want to protect everyone!” but then aren’t always able to do so because that’s literally impossible, whereas the villains are all “we don’t care about anyone other than the select few people that we actually like!”, the villains somehow wind up getting the better PR. it just so happens that it’s infinitely easier to be loyal to the interests of a few people as opposed to ALL THE PEOPLE. like, no shit, it’s easier to stick to your moral code when you barely have a moral code. and so the villains can kill thousands and no one bats an eye, but if a hero fails to save even one person they’re hypocritical moral failures. like what the hell

BUT ANYWAY, sorry to go off on a tangent there lol, it’s not really a big deal. I’m just preemptively trying to stave off more discourse about it lol but who am I even kidding

anyways lol, but of course they won’t kill you unless they have no choice, Toga. but when it comes to catch-22 situations, it’s a bit much to infer that the heroes don’t consider the villains people just because they opt for the choice that spares more innocent lives. I sure as hell don’t want my babies out here killing people, but to say that they can’t no matter what or else they’re no different from the villains is just...

anyway so the chapter has now just ENDED, just like that!! on a shot of Ochako’s face!

I SENSE ANOTHER THROWDOWN COMING. and it had better not be a total letdown like the last one! NANA BARELY DID ANYTHING HORIKOSHI, WHAT THE FUCK. I started out with such high hopes lol

but I will settle for Toga VS Ochako, and Deku VS Tomura: The Sequel: Shouto’s Revenge! SPEAKING OF HEROES WHO HAVE NO QUALMS ABOUT MURDERING PEOPLE lmao

#bnha 287 #shigaraki tomura #all for one #shimura nana #midoriya izuku #one for all #lil bro when are you gonna get yourself a proper name so I can tag you #himiko toga #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #ofa the first

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isthisthingeven0n · 5 years

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not always second best : z.h

brief summary: you’ve always felt second-best in your friendship with zane to his evident love for stassie, but how much longer can you keep quiet before you say something you might regret?

word count: 1.7k requested: yes by an anon! i barely write for zane so i jumped at this one lmao warnings: zane being a drunk mess, some angst but fluff included

* masterlistin’ / masterlistin’ 2.0

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website know it hasn’t been approved me unless specified. all rights reserved. - i have to start doing this as I had some shit on my other blog with plagiarism)

It was always a thought that lingered in your mind, but whenever you tried to dismiss it, somehow it always found a way to wiggle itself into the forefront of your thoughts.

What didn’t help was how often it was brought up, but you were surrounded by attractive guys who would be attracted to pretty girls. Add their social status into the mix and their ideal type is someone on a similar level, such as a model.

You weren’t upset by it, not anymore. At least, that’s what you told your friends whenever they noticed the disheartened look on your face when her name was brought up into conversation.

Sitting in Scott’s house, you were lost in the conversation as you remained leaning against Zane’s chest with heavy eyes. “Someone’s clearly tired, huh baby?” Zane jokes, looking down at you with that cheeky smile.

“Ssh. I’m sleepy.” You whine, rubbing your eyes as you feel his chest rising and falling.

“Okay, sorry boo.” He rests his arm around your back, pulling you closer into his embrace as you continue to listen to the topics being discussed.

“So there’s that club tonight that we could go to?” David suggests, immediately looking to Zane. “You guys down?” He eyes the room, watching as a few nod in response.

Zane nudges you lightly, waking you up from your light sleep. “Mmh?” You mumble, sitting upright. “Did I miss something?”

“Wanna go out tonight?” David repeats himself, sitting on the sofa opposite you beside Todd and Natalie.

You shrug your shoulders in response. “I don’t think so, I have too much work to catch up on.” You admit, feeling deflated enough as it is with your workload, a hangover is the last thing you need to add on top.

“Okay, well I texted Madison and she’s coming,” David reads from his phone and you see out of the corner of your eye Zane shuffle as he reaches for his phone.

“I’ll check if Stass wants to join.” He eagerly speaks up, texting away with a smile on his face as you shuffle along the sofa, leaning against the arm of it as opposed to on his chest.

“Y/n, do you feel like a Starbucks? I know you mentioned it earlier when we got here.” Mariah suggests to you as she stands up with a small smile on her face, knowing you all too well.

Without saying anything you follow her, watching as she glances back to Heath knowingly. You were aware Heath knew how you felt about his best friend to a certain degree, but it remained unspoken of.

Walking alongside Mariah to her car, she rests her hand in yours and squeezes lightly. “I know it’s hard, seeing him talking about someone else,” She starts as she unlocks her car as you silently climb in. “but he’ll realise that he’s been blind this whole time.” She encourages, but it’s no use.

“It’s been nearly a year, Mariah.” You comment sadly as she pulls away. “I don’t think he’ll flip a switch anytime soon.”

You know you shouldn’t have started, but once you begin it’s close to impossible to tear your eyes away.

Photo’s and videos were burned into your brain as they played from various perspectives. One moment you’re watching Zane taking shots with Stassie and the next David is filming girls with sparklers and a fluorescent ‘Vlog Squad’ sign as the music plays.

Locking your phone, you avert your attention back to your laptop. “Get it together,” You mutter to yourself as you release a heavy sigh, focusing on finishing this sponsored segment for your video next week.

It was nearly 2am by the time you were finishing up. You were ready to collapse down in bed and not move until 2pm the next day, that was your plan at least until you found your phone to see dozens of messages and missed calls.

Through all of the texts, there was a common theme of zane, injury, hospital, blood, drunk, y/n, help, stassie.

Sitting upright, you dial the last number that texted you.

You close your eyes, trying to remain calm as you listen to what feels like endless rining. “Oh thank god,” You hear Matt exhale deeply through the phone, the sound of voiced concerns in the background.

“What’s happened, is, is Zane okay?” You quickly ask, feeling your heart starting to beat faster.

Matt glances behind him as Zane sits unconscious in the hospital bed. “He’ll be alright, but we’re at the hospital-”

“Which one?” You cut him off as you pick up your car keys, not thinking twice.

“The usual one.” Matt comments, trying to find humour in his voice, but this time it refuses to follow. He knows this isn’t Zane’s first time being in the hospital with another drunken accident.

“Okay, I’ll be there in like thirty minutes.” You tell Matt who looks ahead, seeing a few of your friends huddled together as they discuss what actually happened.

“Thanks, Y/n.” He mutters before hanging up, returning to see what David actually captured on camera to solve another case of accident-prone drunk Zane.

As you arrive at the hospital, you can already see a series of your friends in the waiting room.

David is the first to notice you, and waves as you rush over, panting lightly. “Is he okay, what happened?” You question, looking around at everyone who shrugs their shoulders in response.

“He was joking with Stass about something,” Heath speaks up, letting out a heavy sigh. “and she playfully nudged him, then he did it back but stumbled over the bed and fell backwards.”

“Right into the corner of that concrete planter,” Mariah finishes, hearing you wince.

“Oh my god,” You cover your mouth as Mariah nods. “how bad is it?”

Mariah looks over to Heath who steps forward, walking alongside you away from everyone else. “He’s got a concussion, starting bleeding everywhere which caused everyone to sober up fast.” A nervous laugh leaves his lips whilst you remain silent. “We’re just waiting for him to wake up.”

“Okay,” You nod, processing all of this.

Sure, Zane can be stupid and end up with minor injuries. But never before has he fallen unconscious because of his lack of judgement, not like this.

“Stassie is in with him now and the Doctor,” He admits, waiting for a response from you, but you remain silent. “she’s going to come out soon, let us know what they said.”

Turning back around, you see Stassie walking down the corridor, looking like she’s strutting down a runway whilst you were in an oversized hoodie and leggings.

“What did they say?” David speaks up as Stassie pushes her hair over her shoulders.

“Well, he’s going to be fine.” She states and you let out a sigh of relief, resting your hand over your chest as Mariah hugs you from the side. “He’s awake and he erm, is asking for Y/n.” She looks directly at you through everyone, quickly glancing away to hide her sadness.

“Me?” You question, feeling Mariah nudge you forward. “What, what room is he in?” You step forward, looking back as Stassie mutters it to you before taking a seat in the waiting room in the far corner.

Walking alone you bury your hands into the pockets of your hoodie as you turn the corner, approaching the room Stassie mentioned. You can see the blinds are open and through the slats there he is, head tilted to the side and mouth ajar.

Pushing the door open you sneak in. “Hey stranger,” You call out with a light laugh, watching as Zane tries to lift his head up but groans. “no sudden movements, okay?” You tell him as you walk over, taking a seat beside him.

Now that you’re able to see him up close, you can see the damage that’s been caused. Along the left side of his face, there is dried blood residue still embedded in his hairline, leading up to the now stitched wound.

“You really go all or nothing, don’t you?” You joke, seeing him give you a half-smile as he extends his hand toward you.

Looking down, you reach out and take his hand in yours. He squeezes it lightly as you focus on his droopy smile. “I’m sorry,” He mumbles to you, seeing you tilt your head in confusion. “I, I’ve been such a dick to you.”

“What’re you talking about?” You chuckle, looking over at what he’s been hooked up to.

“I’ve just been blind about a lot of things and weirdly hitting my head cleared things up.” He rambles, shuffling on the bed to look at you solely. “All the stuff with Stassie and seeing her when I woke up, all I wanted was to see you.” He explains whilst you remain silent, taking it all in.

“Well, here I am.” Your nerves take over as you smile, watching a crooked grin cross his lips. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“I’m better now that you’re here with me. Stass got annoyed that I fell again.” He admits as you roll your eyes.

“I mean, she’s still outside waiting.” You tell him. “I think she’s just upset and hoping you’re okay.”

Zane shakes his head. “I doubt it,” He admits. “she wasn’t exactly happy when I woke up calling out for you, kinda ignored the fact she was there.”

“Oh,” Your eyes widen as heat rises through your body. “so, what now?”

“Well, I’m waiting to be discharged, but I wouldn’t mind just going to bed.” He tells you and you nod along.

“I wouldn’t mind that to be honest.” You rub your eyes, removing the heavy sleep from them as he chuckles.

“Thanks for coming, Y/n. You’re always there for me and I want to be that person for you.” Zane states as the doctor walks in.

“I’ll always be here for you Zane.” You smile softly. “That’s just what we do for one another.”

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cetaceass · 4 years

Note

If that's okay, I'd like to request some headcanons or a scenario in which Ferid from OnS takes a liking to a certain human, and since the human loves spending time with Ferid, they get along well despite the human being super shy, but not afraid to voice their opinions. Later they become one of Ferid's servants and then a friend of his, and then after being friendzoned for a while, they become his lover, basically a very slow burn. Feel free to ignore it if you don't like it. Thanks in advance!

a/n: I'm so happy you sent this and I gotchu boo! Also thank you for your patience and for sending your request!! 💖

It’s really long cause I be adding too many things and forgot this was supposed headcanons, not a fleshed out fic lmaoo. My brain just gets way too into it and has fun haha!

Sooo, I guess this is a half fic/half headcanons??? Ficanons??? hics??? 😳

Reader is 18+ here, just sayin' cause it'd be weird if it were a child

Anyway, I hope it's to your liking anon!! 🥺💖

Con mucho amor <3

My Favorite Human

FERID HEADCANONS W/ SHY!READER

Before the whole vampire reign and the massacre of humanity happened, you were a super shy kid. You often times minded your business seeing as you were too shy to talk to others

Now captured as live prey, nothing changed. You were still reserved and because of that, you were alone for most of the time. Many children your age have endlessly tried talking to you, but you couldn’t muster the courage to say anything back, only blush red and feel the rapid beat of your heart

Literally, kids your age were roaming around laughing, and you would just sit back and watch. Every once in a while, newcomers would ask if they could include you, but of course, someone would explain your lack of response and continue on with their game

One time, as you were watching the children have fun, someone had sat next to you

You couldn’t clearly see them, oh, but you felt their looming presence

And your mind raced like crazy!!!

What do you say? Are you going to mess up?

“Such interesting faces you make~!! Does my presence alone intimidate you? I don’t bite..not hard at least~”

Ferid’s red eyes watched you, dancing with curiosity to the way you react to his words. The vulnerability, and the quivering of your body. He hums in content before walking away humming a tune

You hoped the person doesn’t come back again

That didn’t happen

The next day, the day after that, a week, and then a month you were tortured by this person, but little by little you grew accustomed to it

Quick glances is your superpower!!!

Of course, not quick enough that Ferid wouldn’t notice uwu

Two months passed by honestly, Ferid cannot get bored of you and your reactions to his comments, yet, today was different

He was doing his usual teasing and glanced to see that favorite red face of yours only to hear you shakedly inhale and turn to look at him directly in his eyes

“Stop following me around and saying weird things!!”

He was shook!!! Like, his eyes slightly widened at your actions and said nothing as you exploded red, crookedly smiled at him, and ran away to who-knows-where. And he laughed at this.

Despite saying nothing for two months, and now say something? He couldn’t leave alone after that, not with that tease of fierceness in your eyes. You really piqued his interest now that he definitely knew.

Upon arriving to your small home, face beet red, you couldn’t help let out a childish giggle remembering the expression the white haired male made

You were glad he didn’t leave you alone after two months

Two years have passed and now you’re a servant of the one and only, Ferid Bathory

Still shy to this day with him, Ferid noticed, but you were slowly opening yourself and showing some colors

Ferid unconsciously tries to help with your shyness

Mikaela enters into the picture as his second servant

Whenever you and the noble vampire were alone, he would tease you about Mikaela and it’s those rare moment that you spoke your mind

“[Name]~! You don’t talk to me as much anymore! Are you perhaps in love already with Mikaela~?”

“No. Are you perhaps jealous?”

Ferid always looses it when you aren't shy and say whatever you're thinking

It's embedded in his brain 24/7

Honestly, Ferid accepts that he'll probably never get tired of you

You were pretty sad when you heard that Mikaela left to save his so-called 'boyfriend'

His heart s q u e e z e d at your crestfallen expression and nearly tripped

And he was just standing lmao

Remember when your bold comebacks and opinions were embedded in his brain?

Yeah, well now, your embedded in his brain

He notices how you get nervous, thoughs small twitches of a smile whenever he goofed around with you, how when you're uncomfortable you tap your fingers against your thighs. Those facial expressions you make when you're embarrassed and shy af made his heart literally stop only to be revived again by you tapping his face

He couldn't help bit wonder...what other expressions you could make under different circumstances..

cough cough

woah, looks like he ain't just thirsty for blood, ya catch my drift? 😏

After days thinking over these newfound feelings (which he thought was impossible) he came to the realization that he likes you

He didn't see you as his servant. He never once did actually. You were his friend, yet he wanted to be so much more than that

He yearned to be more than just a 'friend' to you

So he confessed that day after he made up his mind after so much debating

And you friendzoned him

"Ferid, I like you. But I like you as a friend. I'm sorry."

Damn, you have no mercy for the noble vampire 😬

But ngl, you were panicking on the inside

Was it right for you to do that? Did you ruin it? Was he still going to talk to you?

The flamboyant vampire still spoke to you normally like any other day, but even you could tell the he was hurting.

But not to the point that Queen Krul herself came to talk to you

"Tell me, servant of Ferid Bathory, do you really view him as a friend or are you just lying to yourself?"

You denied duh

You bet your booty cake that she didn't believe you

"From now on, Ferid will no longer feed off of you. Okay? Okay."

So now there you were, watching (more like glaring) Ferid drink blood from someone that wasn't you

The Vampire has never seen you this livid before

And he was gonna take advantage of that

He hummed in satisfaction and this man had the audacity to even look at you while doing it

You walked over to him and glared at the person he held, making them flinch and run away

You sat on his laps, shakely inhaled before once again looking straight at his red eyes

Eyes you've come to adore and love

Actually you loved the vampire to death

"I take back what I said to you that day. I like you too, Ferid Bathory."

#ons #owari no serafu #owari no seraph #ferid bathory #ferid bathory x reader #shy!reader #headcanon #sote #seraph of the end #fanfiction #fanfic #cetaceass #friend to lover

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free-pool-trash · 4 years

Text

angel - warren worthington iii

My first Warren fic, woah okay. I remember seeing apocalypse in the cinema when I was 13 (I was almost 14 :')) and being so happy to see Warren because I was such a little nerd and I used to religiously read a book from the library about the x-men and it had a whole section about Warren and I was crazy about him. So I was so in love with him when I saw him on screen (I guess I've been in love with Ben Hardy since before I actually knew he was Ben Hardy 😳) and I was SO upset with how dirty they did him in Apocalypse. Also upon further inspection that entire movie was a hot mess and X-men peaked with days of future past.

Anyway Ben Hardy put me back on my X-Men bullshit so here we are.

Here is the idea that was sent in by the lovely Anon for this fic: Honey!! 'cause I can't have enough of your work and since you said it was okay to suggest any ideas for warren, I was thinking, what about him letting the reader pet his wings. Since he is emotionally distant and stuff? (idk if that could work to develop a whole fic) anyway, i'll love some angst and love. Just bless us bringing our bird boy back 🤭. keep doing amazing darling ♥️

Word count: 5k (shes a long one alright)

Warning (s): swearing, mentions of blood, plane crash, platonic!Peter :) (also i didn’t really proof read this and it’s 3:44am lmao)

comments and feedback are much appreciated! <333

masterlist

Your breath came out in labored heaves as Kurt bamfed the final one of your teammates into the plane, all of you were more or less safe from Apocalypse now that you had the professor back in your custody, that's what you'd thought anyway. You hadn't anticipated what was to come.

Once you caught your breath after being dropped into the plane by Kurt, you spoke up, "Anyone need a pick-me-up?"

As you looked around at the group, most of whom were all close friends of yours, you noticed the vast majority of them littered in only small cuts and bruises, all except Charles who was still unconscious from Apocalypse's assault on his mind, but there wasn't much you could do about him, for now at least.

Your mutation was, according to Hank, "essential for field work" and by field work he actually meant high intensity missions that made you feel like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders. You had the ability to heal both people and animals of any outward affliction, you could cure inward wounds too but taking on anything more than a headache was dangerous for you, so you mainly handled cuts, bruises, burns, stab wounds, bullet holes (provided the bullet was already removed) and the occasional broken bone, y'know, the small stuff.

It was a pretty incredible power to have, only it also came with a not so incredible bonus of amplified empathy which meant you could feel people's emotions, read people's energy and usually you could tell people's intentions too. It all got a little tiring sometimes.

"No save your energy, (Y/n), Peter or Raven might need you later." Jean responded just before pounding started coming from the roof of the jet as some sort of blade pierced through the metal.

Sparks flew and you shared a worried glance with the rest of your teammates as the roof of the jet was torn open and two of Apocalypse's minions appeared, only one of them entered the plane, however, the one with the wings- you didn't know his name. Being on the edge of the group, you took the defensive, the winged man was bigger than you but you could probably kick his ass if you needed to. You were so busy squaring up to the bird boy that you didn't notice the panic happening behind you.

"Just get us out of here." You heard Jean say, followed by the all too familiar sound of Kurt's teleportation.

They'd left you.

Your eyes widened when you felt the plane plummet, the pilot, along with everyone else gone, only yourself and your winged enemy were left on the aircraft, his partner in crime seemed to have lost her balance and got swept away by the wind.

Despite being together you were both alone. You wouldn't lie, you were scared, he was too. You could feel it.

"Fuck!" You shouted trying your best to reach the controls of the jet before it impacted the ground.

Unfortunately before you could reach the console, gravity did it's thing and you found yourself being hurled violently against the plane's windshield and the next thing you knew you were shielding your face, bracing for impact then everything was black.

-+-+-+-+-

"Ow, fuck." You groaned once you came to, laying on the hard concrete of the ground which, of course, was covered in glass shards from the window you'd been thrown through.

The glass dug into your back painfully, you'd have to figure out some way to pick the shards out before you could heal.

Blinking your bleary eyes until you could open them and actually see clearly, you stood up as gently as you could, trying to avoid getting cut by any more glass.

The air was smokey and thick, it filled your lungs and made your eyes water. Your head was spinning, the feeling of dried blood on your temple ever present as you struggled to keep your balance.

The plane was destroyed, completely wrecked to the point where it's insides were now it's outsides, the roof had been blown off and the seats were nearly disintegrated.

Swallowing thickly, you remembered that you hadn't been the only one on the plane when it crashed. Heaving a sigh, you closed your eyes tightly, please have gotten thrown out the windshield you prayed silently to yourself.

Sure you didn't know the boy or like him all that much from what you did know of him, but you didn't want him to have died alone in a fiery wreck.

When you worked up the courage to finally open your eyes you let out a gasp as you noticed the winged boy not burned to a crisp but laying face down in the shards of glass, unconscious, a few meters up from where you had woken up.

Please don't have a punctured lung. Please don't have a punctured lung.

Please don't have glass lodged in your neck.

Oh my God what if he already bled out?

Oh fuck what if he's already dead?

You panicked internally as you limped over to the boy, his face was covered in blood, but you imagine you didn't look much better.

Kneeling down as you reached his body, you brushed away whatever glass you could before you turned him over so he was laying on his back.

"Thank God." You muttered as you could see his chest rising and falling, the movement was slight but all that really mattered to you was that it was there.

Gently you picked out all of the glass that had gotten embedded in the boy's pale skin, you had to hand it to him, he sure was pretty when he wasn't trying to kill you. Not wanting to waste time staring, you placed both of your hands softly onto his chest, a golden light radiated out from under your palms onto the tattered material of his clothed chest, within a few seconds his gashes began to close up and his heartbeat became stronger against your palms, he definitely had more injuries than you could physically see as your energy had been all but gone once you finally removed your hands.

Another downside to your mutation- it requires a lot of energy.

A few minutes passed before you heard a soft gasp coming from beside you, the blonde boy's eyes opened and he glanced around frantically, green eyes shining in the light of the setting sun, he picked a good time to wake up as you didn't particularly want to be waiting out in the cold night time air. His metal wings meant he was too heavy for you to drag to any kind of shelter, especially now after using up all your energy to heal him, you wouldn't make it far on your own never mind with someone else.

"What happened?" He asked with a groan, this was actually the first time you'd heard him speak, he had an accent- he must've been from England.

"You and your little buddy busted our plane, my teammates ditched and you and I got left to die. You almost did." You explained in as few words as possible, you didn't paint your friends in a very good light but you needed the winged boy on your side, you couldn't have him leaving you in the middle of nowhere with open wounds and no energy.

"Why didn't I? Die I mean." He asked, eyeing the wreck with a grimace before meeting your eyes again.

"I healed you, that's my mutation." He raised an eyebrow at you suspiciously.

"Why did you save me? We're on opposite sides." The boy inquired further, you tried your best to entertain him but your energy was running extremely low.

"The fights over and judging by the fact that the world isn't burning I'm assuming that your side didn't win. Besides we both got left on that plane, I didn't want you to die alone." You explained, your voice becoming slurred as you ran out of steam, eyes struggling to stay open.

"You look awful." The boy stated to which you just nodded, drowsily.

"Mm, feel awful." You responded as he stood up, glass crunching under his heavy boots.

"Come on." He demanded and you felt him tugging you into standing position, you weren't really sure what was happening but you didn't fight against it, you were simply too drained.

"Jesus, why didn't you heal yourself?" He asked, staring at your tattered backside in a mixture of horror and disgust, you assumed it looked as bad as it felt.

"Couldn't get the glass out." At that your head lolled against the boy's neck as he wrapped your arm around his shoulder and hoisted you up with his arm around your waist.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Warren dragged you to a nearby house, the surrounding area had all been abandoned during the fight between Apocalypse and the X-Men which you were apparently a part of.

He couldn't quite figure out why you'd spared his life, he had been the reason your plane was abandoned in the first place. It annoyed him really, he was supposed to be your enemy but you'd shown him so much blind kindness despite the stress he'd caused you and your team in the past couple of days. His reasoning for joining Apocalypse in the first place was because he'd given up on being shown any form of kindness, by anyone, and in the space of ten minutes and less than ten sentences from you his head was spinning.

The regret was almost too much for him, you should've let him die.

Before he could spiral any further he decided he had to help you first, you'd saved him first after all.

Warren, as gently as he could, laid you down on a bed in one of the house's bedrooms, on your stomach. The boy, who didn't even know your name, began to pick the glass out of you as you'd done to him, he didn't have any healing powers but he was used to fixing himself up after fights back in the cages. He removed all the glass, cleaned the cuts and covered them as best as he could without having to undress you.

Warren noticed that your gashes began to close up by themselves, your back glowing golden. You kind of reminded him of an angel, the kind of glow he'd seen in a Renaissance painting back in Berlin, the kind of light that represented heaven.

You were still completely passed out, it was dark by then and Warren debated on just taking off into the night, but his gut forced him to stay with you, this girl who got forgotten by her own team then saved the guy she was supposed to be fighting against, it was kind of poetic to be honest. So he set up a makeshift bed on the floor of the same room you slept in, and laid down, staying vigilant in case anything or anyone were to attack while you slept.

-+-+-+-+-+-+

Light steamed through the window of wherever it was you were, you couldn't remember, wherever you were you were comfy.

Cracking your eyes open you looked around the room, noticing the winged boy laying on the floor beside the bed you slept in, awake and staring at the ceiling.

"Morning." You whispered to the boy, and he immediately turned his head towards you, "Good morning."

"Thanks for taking the glass out." You thanked him with a soft voice and a small smile as you looked at him.

"Just repaying a favour." He responded, a smile of his own playing on his face, you could tell he was trying to fight it, but it peaked through.

Reaching your arm out toward him, you laughed as he raised an eyebrow. "I'm (Y/n)."

Finally letting himself smile, the boy let out a chuckle as he took the hand you held out to him and shook it, "Warren."

"Thanks for not ditching me here." You spoke quietly as you withdrew your arm, picking up on his energy, he was unsure but decided to stay by your side anyway.

Warren's gaze returned to the ceiling, "We'd both been ditched enough for one day. Thanks for not letting me die, didn't get a chance to thank you yesterday before you passed out."

"Right. Sorry about that, healing people tends to take it out of me. I'm glad I healed you, though." You told him gently, as he scoffed.

"Not 24hours ago we would've killed each other on the spot, now we're having bloody pillow talk." He grumbled out, the accent you'd picked up earlier really coming through.

"Would you rather we tried to kill each other?" You inquired with an airy laugh, the contrast between today and yesterday didn't bother you, you'd felt him when you healed him, he was good, just has a lot of demons, like every other mutant you know.

"I'd rather I didn't try to kill you at all." He confessed, his lip trapped between his teeth, eyes never leaving the ceiling.

"It's not your fault. I felt it when I healed you, you're just like the rest of us, you needed something to believe in. I can't blame you for that." You tried your best to soothe him, you could feel the regret in his voice, you knew many of your friends at Xavier's school had been in similar situations before eventually joining the good fight.

"Doesn't change the fact I was ready to watch the world burn so I could feel some sense of purpose." His voice was filled with self loathing and you didn't know why exactly but you couldn't stand it, you didn't like that he hated himself so much.

"From your perspective the world deserved to burn. I've been there too, the world hurts us and we'd love nothing more than to hurt it right back. You wanted something better than what you had, you got brainwashed by someone who promised you everything you wanted, it's not your fault, if I wasn't with the X-Men I probably would've joined too- if he had asked." You admitted to Warren, it was strange, you trusted him with what you were saying and you could see that he was absorbing every word you said, he trusted what you were saying.

"Aren't you pissed? That you're stuck out here with me?" You knew what he meant, he wanted to know how you felt about all of your friends bamfing away and leaving you to crash and burn with Warren, the supposed enemy.

"It hurt a little yeah, but I understand, Kurt was scared, he'd never teleported so many people at once before, I was too far away from the rest of the group anyway," you shrugged before going on, "I'm not pissed that I'm stuck out here with you, you're pretty cool for a henchman." You teased, the way he shook his head at your statement caused you to giggle.

"There's a place for you at the school, if you want it." You floated the idea towards him breaking the silence that had filled the room, because to be honest you didn't want to part ways with the bird boy just yet, turns out almost dying together was quite the bonding experience.

"You sure? They'd forgive all this shit?" He asked you disbelievingly to which you nodded, "They'll understand. Charles forgives Erik and Raven every five minutes. Besides if they have a problem they'll have to deal with me."

"Thanks, (Y/n)."

-+-+-+-+-

It took you both a few days but you eventually managed to make your way back to the school for gifted youngsters.

You and Warren had bonded quite a bit during your trip and you'd developed an understanding of each other. Nights spent at sketchy motels and shared take out containers the symbols of your blooming friendship.

He told you about his original wings, he'd tiptoed around the fact that he wanted them back, he didn't give you a direct answer when you'd asked but it was clear to see that his metal wings didn't feel right to him anymore, they were a reminder of his lapse in judgement. And in return for his truth you'd shared some of your own, how you sometimes struggled with the aftermaths of healing someone more than you let on to your team, you told him that you had a hard time maintaining your energy when they sometimes asked too much of you on missions and even in the school's infirmary.

It had only been a few days spent together but you considered him a friend, you had a lot in common and you couldn't quite tell yet, but you felt as though Warren started warming up to you from the second he'd opened his eyes after the plane crashed, he was so quiet and reserved but he had a certain vibe about him, he had this sort of protective energy around you and you couldn't lie, that feeling of security grew on you very quickly.

You promised yourself as you both walked into the school that if anyone had anything negative to say about him joining the team, you'd kick up a storm.

The atmosphere in the school was somber when you walked in, Warren stayed close to your side as you walked towards the Professor's office, you needed to get Warren set up.

The pair of you didn't make it very far before you heard a gasp from in front of you, you didn't even see who it was before you were being crushed in a hug.

"You're alive... Oh my God you're alive!" You recognized the hugger and smiled, hugging him back tightly.

"Yeah, Hank. I'm all okay." You reassured the bigger man. Hank was like an older brother to you, ever since you joined the school you'd spent so much time in the infirmary and since you were so much younger then, Hank had taken on a brotherly role to you, he'd essentially become your mentor. He loved you like a sister and by the tears that were soaking into your shoulder that really showed.

"We thought you died, I'm so sorry (Y/n)." Hank sniffled into your shoulder, squeezing you tightly before pulling away, revealing his puffy eyes and red face, it looked like he'd been crying on and off for days.

"That why everyone's so gloomy?" You questioned, glancing around to see the majority of people that occupied the hallway staring at you in shock.

Hank swallowed thickly and nodded. You just smiled and nodded your head in Warren's direction, and Hank immediately stiffened.

"No worries, Warren took care of me." You assured him and he could tell by the look that you were giving him and the fact that aside from your over-sized clothing, that definitely didn't look to belong to either you or Warren, you were in good condition and the boy had in fact had a change of heart. If he truly was the reason you'd gotten home safely the older man was in no place to be skeptical, so instead he nodded gratefully to Warren who returned the gesture, not speaking.

After reuniting with Hank, he brought you and Warren to see Charles, who was like everyone else, in mourning.

You'd never seen him smile as bright as he did when you entered his office, the relief on his face made you laugh as he wheeled toward you.

"Thank goodness, darling girl." He exclaimed, grabbing your hand tightly in both of his own, without having to be told his eyes met Warren's, "Thank you, Warren. Come, sit." Charles invited him but the boy in question looked at you skeptically.

"Go on, he's okay." You assured him, smiling as he sat down in front of Charles' desk, fidgeting with his hands like a child who was about to get in trouble.

Charles turned to you again, a gentle smile on his face, "Peter is in the infirmary, his leg got injured during the fight. I don't need for you to heal him but I've never seen a boy cry so much in such a short amount of time. Go and say hello."

You smiled sadly and looked to Warren, "You okay if I go check on him?" Warren only nodded again, he'd become even more quiet than usual but you could feel his energy, he was nervous yet hopeful, optimistic even.

"Could you show Warren to the infirmary once you two are finished up?" You asked Charles who nodded, "Of course, go on now, we'll be ok."

Nodding again, you left the office and made your way to the infirmary, not meeting anybody along the way. Thankfully. At the moment you just wanted to see your friend and talk to him about everything that had happened within the last few days.

As you walked into the infirmary you saw Peter, a cast wrapped around his leg and a red and puffy face. Silently you leaned against the doorway and watched your closest friend in the school stare blankly at the ceiling.

You were so used to seeing him energetic and happy, you'd even told Warren about him, you wanted them to be friends, they were the exact opposite of each other but Warren liked to sound of Peter when you'd told him about him, you were all the same age- give or take, and you wanted Warren to be able to just act his age and let loose, Peter Maximoff, and yourself of course, were the perfect people to help him do that.

Shaking your head at his low mood, that was as a result of thinking you were dead, you pushed yourself off the doorway and made yourself known, "What's with the long face, speedy?"

You laughed at the look on his face when he heard your voice, and saw your face. The feeling of relief flooding over you as a result of his own.

"I knew you weren't dead!" Peter shouted, shooting up into sitting position and smiling brightly at you as you raised an eyebrow, pulling him into a hug.

"That why you been crying for two days straight?" You teased him, as you squeezed him tighter, Peter scoffed and gently pushed you away.

"Nah I was crying of happiness that I finally have some peace and quiet." He shot back matter of factly, his usual mood already returning as you joked around together.

"Don't get me wrong I'm glad you're alive and all but how'd you survive the crash?" Peter asked as you sat up on the edge of the bed he was on.

"I got thrown out the windshield, so did Warren. We were both pretty fucked up, I healed him up then he took care of me, made sure I didn't die in the desert after I passed out." You explained to Peter and rose an eyebrow at him as he smirked at you.

"Warren, huh?" He teased and you couldn't stop the laugh that left your mouth.

"What about him? We almost died together it was quite the bonding experience," you told him, still chuckling before calming down and going on, "You're gonna help me settle him in. I told him lots about you, we're gonna be one super weird little trio." You told him definitely and he chuckled at your optimism.

"Right, a kleptomaniac, an empath and a reformed henchman." Peter nodded approvingly at his own deduction and you laughed, "Exactly. Perfect."

Not long after Charles and Warren appeared in the doorway. Warren greeted you with a small smile, and nodded to Peter who waved at him, a friendly smile on his face.

"Warren has decided he'd like to stay with us." Charles spoke up proudly, happy to have a new mutant joining his side.

Smiling brightly you listened to Charles continue, "He'll be staying in the room across from Peter's for the time being but I'd be more than happy to make different arrangements should further developments take place." Charles' lips curved into a knowing smile, which Peter mimicked while yourself and Warren shared confused glances.

"I'll leave the three of you to get to know each other."

-+-+-+-+-+-

Weeks passed and Warren settled nicely into the school, he didn't talk to many people, mostly only you and Peter, sometimes Charles or Hank but he tended to only speak if spoken to first.

He'd been thinking a lot lately, looking hard at himself in the mirror and not really liking what he saw. His metal wings were starting to weigh him down and the tattoos that adorned his face were driving him crazy. He hated himself for buying into the notion that he needed his wings weaponized in order to fight when he knew that he could fight perfectly well without the blades.

You'd offered to try and restore his original wings and he knew you'd be able to, but he knew doing something that big could be potentially dangerous for you so he turned down your offer at the time but he wanted to change his mind now.

Still, the need to keep you safe far outweighed his want to get his wings restored. Being at Xavier's school saved him but that was all down to you, to him you were an angel and he'd both kill and die for you if it ever came down to that, he knew it was ridiculous though, you didn't need his protection but he still wanted you to have it.

He eventually decided to bring the topic up with you again one night when it was just you and him. You were in Warren's room, just chilling together as you did most nights, Peter usually joined too but he hadn't that night for whatever reason.

You sat on Warren's bed, cross-legged as a record spun on the record player, Warren's favourite band playing through the speakers as he sat beside you, his eyebrows furrowed while he worked up the nerve to ask you what he wanted to ask you.

"I want my old wings back." Warren spoke out suddenly, causing you to lift your head from the book you were reading.

Smiling, you closed the book and set it on his nightstand. Finally.

"You're sure?" You asked gently, although you were ecstatic that he was finally allowing himself to heal. To properly heal.

Warren nodded and swallowed thickly, looking at you pleadingly. He didn't realize how much he'd really wanted his wings back until he'd said it out loud and seen the smile on your face once he did.

"Well, I haven't healed anybody so far this week I've got enough energy… we could do it now?" You offered, smiling as he nodded rapidly.

You instructed him to get comfortable in the center on his double bed before you crawled over to him, "Do you mind if I sit here?" You asked, motioning towards his legs, as close as you'd grown over the past few weeks Warren was still on the fence about physical affections of any kind, he longed for it, especially with you but he just hasn't been ready.

Which sucked since yourself and Peter weren't shy about hugging each other, or kissing each other's cheeks, or throwing your arms around each other and it wasn't that Warren was feeling excluded or anything, no he knew that if you both thought he'd be okay with it you'd be showering him with hugs too, he trusted the both of you enough to know you'd never hurt him but being so vulnerable in front of anyone just hadn't been in the cards for him.

Deciding to let you help him get his wings back was the turning point for him, he was finally letting you all the way in. So he nodded and gave you a reassuring smile, the kind of smile he reserved only for you.

Returning the grin you straddled his legs and seated yourself comfortably on his thighs, his breath hitched as you placed a hand on each shoulder, you bit your lip as you looked into his eyes, "This might be a little uncomfortable, hold onto me if you need to."

As soon as your hands began to glow, Warren felt the sting of your powers against his back, it felt like he was burning and without thinking about it Warren's hands moved to grip your hips and his head buried itself in the crook of your neck and he bit his lip harshly.

"Sorry, War. Almost there." You whispered sympathetically in his ear, placing a gentle kiss on his temple, hoping it would make him feel better.

Watching the feathers replace the knives was incredible, his wings were beautiful, he was a literal angel and the way the glow of your powers illuminated his body almost made you cry. He looked like something straight out of heaven.

Soon, your palms stopped glowing and the fatigue hit you like a truck, every ounce of your energy had gone into Warren but it was worth it.

Slowly, Warren removed his head from your neck to stare at you, amazement painting his face. Your smile grew impossibly wide when you noticed his face was completely clear, the tattoos gone.

"Guess the wings and the tattoos were a package deal." You murmured happily before your eyes rolled back and you collapsed into Warren's chest.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-

After you passed out Warren carried you to the infirmary to rest, his wings twitched every now and again but they felt better, he himself felt lighter, physically and mentally.

Warren stayed by your bedside until you finally woke up, you'd slept for an entire day and your self proclaimed protector was becoming restless.

"Morning, angel." You whispered with a soft smile on your face, he looked different now with his wings back and his tattoos gone, he looked happier.

"Hey, sleeping beauty. I'd say good morning but it's nine o'clock at night." He greeted, returning your smile.

"How're your wings feeling?" You asked, you wanted to reach out and touch them but you decided against it, you didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

Noticing the twitch in your fingers Warren bit his lip and gently moved his hand to hold your wrist, "Why don't you see for yourself?" He prompted you, moving your wrist towards his feathers.

Moving your freehand, you grabbed his wrist which held your wrist, the two of you now in a strange wrist lock. Warren looked at you strangely as your eyes shone brighter than he'd seen them shine in the weeks he'd known you.

"You're sure?" You asked him, genuine happiness laced your voice and Warren couldn't help but laugh at you, "I'm sure. I want you to."

Warren could barely contain himself when your face broke into the most incredible grin, the kind of smile that felt like sunshine despite the fact that it was 9pm at night and the sun had long since set. Warren had thought he'd been doing an incredible job of hiding his feelings toward you, but he was sure that the way he was looking at you now gave everything away and the funny thing was, he didn't care, he wanted you to know.

Slowly you sat up in the bed and reached out to touch his feathered wing, fingers gliding gently over the arch of his wing. They were so soft and warm and felt so nice under your fingers, your eyes had been so transfixed on the angelic feathers that when you raised your eyes you didn't realize how close you'd come to Warren's face.

His eyes met yours and if you ever had a doubt that he was designed by God himself they melted away when his green eyes looked into yours before flicking down to your lips, then back.

You could feel his breath against your lips, he was intoxicating to you, like a drug, you didn't know how you were going to stop yourself from kissing him this time. You'd often found yourself wanting to kiss your winged friend but you always respected his boundaries enough not to, this time was different though, you could practically feel his lips on yours.

Warren, feeling the conflict but more importantly, the longing, radiated from you, decided to finally place his lips on yours.

His lips moved against yours softly at first but became more urgent when he felt your lips moving in sync with his, the way he kissed was possessive but soft and if he hadn't of pulled away when he did you're sure you would've moaned right into his mouth.

"I want you." Warren whispered, face still close to yours, his hand cupping your cheek, his smile was contagious as you found yourself copying his action.

"You can have me." You giggled out, chasing his lips, connecting them with yours once again.

#warren worthington iii #warren worthington x reader #x-men #x-men x reader #x-men apocalypse #peter maximoff #peter parker x reader #ben hardy

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pointedly-foolish · 5 years

Text

[ dσn’t run frσm mє rívєr ]

word count: 2605

pairing: upgraded connor | rk900/gender-neutral!reader

genre: hurt/comfort

a/n: ya boi is an idiot who made more wips than he could handle,,,, but anyway i wanted to write a nines fic because,,,,,,,,,,,, idk inspiration struck? i must admit i had no idea where i was going w this fic skfksfjaskdfhjk btw nines is deviant in this fic, i just have a hc that since he was forced into deviancy (unlike the 3 protagonists who reached some sort of catharsis) he isn’t as familiar with emotions as those 3, hence his difficulty identifying and expressing them. also rk800-60 and rk900 have assigned names, being colin (nickname sixty) and conan (nickname nines) respectively. connor is just connor lmao,,,,, i am god in my fics and i decide that my 3 bois are bros and happy lil deviants,,,, mk, go!

the ambiance inside the bar was loud and suffocating. many people came to celebrate an officer’s promotion to detective, and while nines wasn’t particularly close to them, he showed up regardless (although a certain duo of rk800 models may or may not have had something to do with his decision). mere formalities; he politely congratulated them and stepped away to ruminate on his own in a corner, absently watching the scene in front of him. for a reason that escaped him, he was (disappointed?) (hurt?) that you got along with colin. he still experienced anomalies in his system when near you, even after being told that he was perfectly fine at the maintenance centre. if the problem wasn’t from within, then there was only one probable cause: an outside factor. a recurring event. one that triggered these anomalies. you.

so he requested to change partners. now, he really wished he didn’t.

while you have taken to your new partner wonderfully, he wasn’t as gracious with his. between reed’s incessant snide remarks and overall unwillingness to cooperate, he’d much rather be deactivated. he found himself missing your partnership. for one, your cooperativeness was a relief. you were determined, passionate and kind. truthfully, he missed you. the shine in your eyes when you find a lead, your composure and professionalism, the soothing quality of your voice, the way you’d let you hand linger in his, how your features softened when you smiled—smiled at hi— he caught himself. why did that last part come to mind? how did you still manage to affect him when you’re so far away? he was about to check why when a laughter caught his attention. your wonderful laughter. One he was oh so familiar with. you were laughing with his brother, probably at another of his bad jokes. seeing you happy with him stirred an ugly feeling inside him. one that he did not recognise nor acknowledge. one that caused him to glare at his older counterpart.

he was miserable after parting ways from you, having to deal with reed’s complaining. he was hurt, he was away from you and it didn’t feel right. this distance between you two manifested as physical pain on his part, so how come you were fine? how were you able to move on in your life as if nothing happened? sadness and hurt turned into something more despicable: how dare you not feel the same pain he did? seeing you so happy twisted the knife deeper in his heart. how could you? conflicting emotions; he wanted to see you happy. he also wanted to see you suffer with him.

his glowering must’ve been pretty obvious as connor “addressed” him, asking if he was alright, to which he replied with a curt « all systems fully functional ». clearly the wrong answer as the rk800 frowned slightly and asked him to follow him. nines did as told. you watched him as he left, but he’d never know that.

the alleyway wasn’t the cleanest of places, but it was private and quiet enough that the two could converse verbally. connor watched his younger brother, concern in his eyes, and tentatively threaded the topic of his relationship with you. nines squinted his eyes fractionally as he observed his brother, pausing before dismissing anything connor may have assumed: « i don’t know what you’re trying to insinuate. the older model raised a brow in as he doubted his younger counterpart’s words. – you’ve been scowling at them for the past few minutes. – everything is perfectly fine between me and the detective. he forced out, probably more defensive and harsh than he meant it to be, as his brother’s eyes widened slightly, flashing with something akin to recognition. there was a pause before connor spoke up. – are you… jealous? he finally asked. »

nines looked a bit more than scandalised as the thought of being jealous, face contorted to slight disgust: « that’s preposterous. he scoffed. jealous? jealous of what? connor thought back about the scene before he intervened: nines was glaring intensely at you and colin, just after you laughed at one of his quips. – well for one, of collin. how he managed to get [ ᶠᴵᴿˢᵀ ᴺᴬᴹᴱ ]’s attention. maybe you’re yearning for theirs, for their affection. his proposition has certainly made nines realise something as his eyes widened, making him look like a deer caught in the headlights. – what are you trying to say? his voice wavered in unsurety. – what i’m trying to say is tha— » he didn’t manage to finish his statement as another voice, not too dissimilar to his own cut him off, announcing how “nines had the hots” for you. connor looked slightly irked at being interrupted while nines quickly dismissed the statement before fully processing it. colin was slightly taken aback by the quick rejection, before smirked mischievously: « great! then you wouldn’t mind if i asked them out right? – colin! exclaimed his twin. »

a sudden rage took over nines’ body as he pushed colin out of the doorway and stormed back inside the bar. a few beats passed before connor threw a chastising look at his twin, which colin shrugged nonchalantly to.

yes, nines knew what dating was. he knew that if two individuals were to harbour romantic feelings for each other, they would come together and be “dating each other”. date1 /dāt/ verb gerund or present participle: dating 3. go out with (someone in whom one is romantically or sexually interested). technically, it was fine. logically, it was fine. he didn’t own you. if you were to date his brother, then that would be your choice. but the thought of you being close and loving someone other than him felt so incredibly wrong. he wanted to leave. he needed to leave. this is all too much. he had feelings for you? he needed time to digest that statement. in his rush to get out, he accidentally bumped into another person, who made a small « oof » and an apology. he was about to apologise as well when you both realised who you were talking to.

« nines! i’ve been looking for you! can we… uh, talk? » he realised from this distance that he could smell your scent: lavender, fabric softener, and something pleasant that was unmistakably you. he nodded and followed you absentmindedly. how did you have this power to erase all thoughts from his mind, make him think of you and only you? has he really fallen for you? you both went outside, a distance away from the bar’s entrance when you finally restarted the conversation: « nines. – detective. » you bit your lips at that reply, and he realised now you looked tired, that radiant smile absent. « look, nines, i- i’m not blind, okay?... i-i know when someone’s avoiding me. – what do you mean detect— – i thought i told you that it was alright to call me by my first name… look, i… by “avoiding” i mean this. acting like you don’t know me. speaking to me as if we were just “coworkers”. acting like we aren’t friends. you sounded tired, the lilt in your voice that he has grown accustomed to sullen. – i’m not avoiding you. he lied, but he knew you were smarter than that. – nines please don’t lie… this distance… between us. i don’t understand, nines. your voice cracked. what happened? Why are you doing this? »

watching you hurt inside because of him was worse than any punishment he could’ve received. any and all previous wishes for you to suffer was quickly erased. he’s much rather suffer alone than watch you break. he took hesitant steps back. away from you. distancing himself from you. you noticed his actions and whispered a desperate « nines… please… » he wanted to run away. he wanted to stay. he wanted to leave and pretend this conversation never happened. he wanted to hold you and tell you everything: his fears, his doubts, his growing affection for you. in the end, he found himself running away from his problems like a coward. you didn’t bother to chase after him, desperately crying out « please… please don’t run from me conan. », last part choked out as you tried to hold yourself together. hearing your voice crack and waver because of him was awful. he wanted to turn back. comfort you. But his body didn’t obey him. when he finally stopped to pay attention to where he was going, he was right back at his shared flat. he swallowed dryly and moved to enter his house, a solemn air around him.

the next few days were absolutely torturous. he increased his initiative to avoid you, never seen in the same place as you, much to your chagrin. an act so blatant than someone as ignorant as reed noticed, an act that become the core of his recent round of taunts. avoiding you hurt. so why did he continue to do it? the thought of approaching the subject made him go cold. it immobilised him, stopped him from uttering a single word. a quick search told him he was scared. nervous. for rejection. he doesn’t know if his heart could take much more. he does resolve to tell you one day… just… not today…

but maybe he should’ve taken the chance when it was presented to him, as he may never get one again.

you died. well, you almost did. his mind jumping to the worst case scenarios as anxiety filled his system. arrest gone wrong. gunshot. 9mm bullets embedded within your abdomen. what if it hit your vascular system? you were rushed into the er. he knew that in this profession, the chances for an individual to be shot rises. but he didn’t expect to grow so attached to one of them. so as the surgeons work to quickly remove all bullets from your body, he sat, rigid, as he waited for the procedure to be done. he fiddled anxiously with his coin when your partner placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. he mechanically glanced at its owner, who told him to not worry, that you’re “too much of a stubborn ass” to die from this event. he didn't acknowledge colin’s input as he continues to play with the quarter. he should’ve told you. told you when he had the chance.

the clock ticked. and ticked. and ticked. when finally, the surgeon informed the two that you were alright. they managed to take out all the bullets. your condition was stable. you were ok. heavily sedated and going to be in a lot of pain. but you were ok. nines didn’t stop the heavy sigh of relief that escaped him. the doctor told them that visits will be allowed as soon as you were settled in recovery. he was going to tell you. he told himself, like an unspoken promise. he was going to tell you then. it’s the least you deserve. he was going to apologise and come clean. hopefully you’ll have it in you to forgive him.

when you finally came to, your body ached, you didn’t want to move, so you settled with eyeing your room. what happened? you were chasing this guy… and he pulled out a gun… pain and then darkness. and now you’re here. the recovery room was filled with gifts and get-well soon cards. balloons of assorted colours filled the room, bouquets of diverse types of flowers adorned the table.

« you’re awake. »

you turned your head at the source, seeing connor at the doorway. « how—you cleared your throat—how long was i gone for? you asked, voice raspy. – around 3 days and a half. you’d gain consciousness a few times, but you were too heavily sedated to be fully coherent. he explained as he took a seat near the bed. you groaned. – gosh that long? connor nodded. how’s colin? – doing pretty well all things considered. he does, however, feel immensely guilty about failing to protect you. – well, tell him it’s not his fault and that i forgive everything he’s blaming himself with. you worried about him. despite sixty’s mischievous exterior, he had a tendency to get himself stuck in a depressive loop of self-deprecation. connor smiled graciously. – will do… he placed a paper cup filled with what you assumed was thirium on the floor. how are you feeling? – everything hurts but i’ll live, you quipped. » the android chuckled and was about to reply when a knock caught both of your attention. the door creaked slightly open, as nines peered in. he hesitated before asking if he may speak with you. the “alone” part being left unsaid as connor bid you farewell and left.

you and your former partner were locked in an intense stareoff, you on the bed on one end and him glued to the door on the other. he took tentative steps towards you. closing that distance. when he was besides your bed, he nervously called out your name. you parroted him, mustering out a curt « conan. » he took a deep breath that he technically didn’t need and whispered out an apology: « i… i’m sorry. for everything i’ve caused—for all the hurt i’ve caused… for what it’s worth… i never meant for all this to happen. » his voice was clipped as guilt overcame him. you watched him, silent as ever. he wished you would say something, anything. the silence was deafening.

« then please tell me why… he promised himself that he’d come clean. – i… i don’t… i don’t think i know... for sure… i experienced anomalies in my system when i was around you.. you’d consume my every thought, i’d feel immobilised and i… i’ve been told that i’m being nervous… i’ve been told that i harboured romantic feelings for you… i-i don’t know. i… i yearn for your attention, your touch, your affection… but is it right for something like me to desire such a thing? am-am i broken…? his voice was barely a whisper when he choked out the lay part, and he waited for his response, growing more anxious as each second ticked by. what if you didn’t want him? what if he wasn’t enough? – no, you aren’t broken. you shook your head. just human. »

nines. confident and assured nines was an insecure and trembling mess as he poured out all of the doubts that plagued his mind. your heart aches as you wished to comfort him, so you do. you reached out, best you can, and grabbed him into a bone crushing hug. an action that took him by surprised as he stiffened at your touch. but he soon relaxed and carefully snaked his arms around your waist, returning the hug. you slowly caressed his hair as he nuzzled into your neck.

you both stay like this for a moment, relishing in each others presence, before you spoke up again: « it’s okay to be unsure, you know. he stopped his nuzzling, indicating to you that he was listening. if you don’t feel ready at the moment… if you just wanna be friends for the time being, i’m ok with that. and if one day you decide that you want to be more, just remember i’ll be right here. » you pressed a gentle kiss on the crown of his head and stayed in that position for a while, neither wanting to part ways, but this awkwardly positioned hug took a toll on your back so the both of you half heartedly pulled away from each other. hands holding the other’s, you asked for one more request: « just promise me one thing. – anything, he breathed out. – please… don’t ever run from me again. – never. he promised, fully intending to fulfill said request. »

« thank you. »

like my work? consider ordering a commission // buying me a coffee // checking out my other works

#detroit: become human #rk900 x reader #connor detroit: become human #rk900 detroit: become human #rk800-60 detroit:become human #apparently i can only successfully write fics during tired stupors #this fic is not my magnum opus but #im still p happy w it #idk nines as well as connor :p #just something softer than my last dbh fic lol #falsely writes #as always feebacks are appreciated #colin is definitely the annoying older brother #he'd tease nines mercilessly #connor is just tired lmfao #alternative title to this fic: connor: become interrupted

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raspberrysmash · 3 years

Text

So I’m starting something new where I’ll use this like my outside world journal lmao. I just have a lot of thoughts but find it hard to write stuff down sometimes and since no one really knows who I am this is perfect. My mind is vast and wide and often times chaotic. Even going to therapy is hard because half the time I’m like what do I want to talk about ?? What does affect me in ways that I don’t even recognize? I wish therapy was easier than it is; it’s work honestly. Which I knew but it’s also having to figure out what you need to work on and like working with your therapist to figure out the best path for you. They’re not mind readers obvi but more like guides. They guide me to a place I want to go and be. Therapy is hard but it’s helping and the amount I’m learning is amazing. My chaotic mind doesn’t find time to be still. Unless I’m high tbh. Smoking relaxes me and grounds me at times. It can help me see things more clearly but specifically pertaining to my rational and irrational mind. It’s easier to push away negative thoughts that are often so prominent when I’m not sober. Chaos is embedded into my life and I’m working to separate the two.

#blogging into the void #my thoughts

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godsavemefrombts · 7 years

Text

Christmas Morning Snow is Falling

(imagine a cute Dino gif here lmao)

Pairing: Dino x gender neutral reader

Genre: Fluff

Words: 1499 (wow lmao)

A/N:: Damn I’m like a week late to this. I’m really sorry but here it finally is @dinobong and happy new year! I’m also gonna take the liberty to tag @lunetic-pinecone because they said my writing is fluffy (and I want them to get diabetes *insert Lenny face*)

Looking outside the window, there was nothing to see. It was white, roads were cleared luckily but were now covered with a thin layer of snow which was falling at a slow and constant rate since early in the morning. Angel knew because they woke up to the loss of heat in their bed. Used to this already, they had turned lazily to shift to their lover’s side of the bed when they suddenly hit something solid. Hmm, strange.

Opening their eyes, they see a little box wrapped in brown craft paper with a little scribbled on top of it, undoubtedly in Chan’s handwriting. Clutching it gently in their hands, they bring it closer to read it. ‘Merry Christmas my Angel. It’s our first time not waking up next to each other on this day so here’s a little gift to remind you of me~’ it read, signed by Chan at the bottom. Smiling to themselves, they shift to get slightly more comfortable and open up the little gift to reveal a box under all the wrapping. Prying the box open with careful fingers, they look inside carefully. There was another paper.

‘Hey Angel,

I was called by Soonyoung hyung earlier this week to come to dance practice early on Christmas Day. I’ll definitely be back to spend a portion of it with you, but I wanted to properly apologise to you for not being next to you this morning, now that you have finally woken up. Your gift here is something I would have liked to put on you myself but… my present circumstances make me slightly inept for the job. So I hope you’ll put it on just the same and tell me how you like it by texting me when you’re awake properly.

Your Chan’

A short letter, sweet in its words and complete. Chuckling to themselves, they check the gift and pull out the silver chained necklace which had a pendant at the bottom. It was a Rose Quartz stone lined with little diamonds. Beautiful, small, simple and elegant. Anyone could tell that there was a lot of thought that had been put into the gift. And just like all Chan’s gifts did, this one also found its way around his Angel’s neck and a warmth spread in their chest at the thoughtfulness of their boyfriend. The weight of the pendant snug against their chest, they curled back in bed, falling asleep easily.

It was nearing afternoon when they woke up again properly. Pushing themselves up, they headed to the kitchen. It was their rumbling stomach which woke them up after all. Reaching the kitchen, they made some tea for themselves, while setting the eggs to boil and pulled out the cold meat slices to make a quick sandwich to accompany the eggs and complement the tea.

With a filling breakfast out the way, they wandered around the house, looking fondly at how they had managed to decorate the house with Chan. With a big tree decorated in one corner of the living room, Jeonghan’s face was at the very top. Tinsels, bells, stars and little dolls decorated the rest of the tree as well as ribbons which peeked out from some branches. Larger ribbons made their way across the house, silver and golden, red and green. They added to the liveliness of the house, making it seem alive even when their tinkering laughter was absent.

It was a nice holiday, Christmas. Bundling up in sweaters, building snowmen if there’s enough snow, preparing hotpot every night to keep themselves warm, sweets, cakes and a lot of other simple pleasures of the world entered their life in this time of the year. Along with that, Christmas seemed very important to most of Seventeen and therefore they always found themselves back home, wherever their loved ones were but Soonyoung had cracked the whip and Chan had to obey. But it was understandable. With the pressure of becoming a global group, this was to be expected.

Nonetheless, it made Angel slightly lonely in their spacious two-bedroom apartment. Walking around the shared space, they realised how cosy it seemed when both were chasing each other around the hallways, or calling out each other, making the other run down. But now, Angel realised that it was much larger when they were alone, without Chan’s laughter or loud voice filling the space. The corners seemed darker without his smile, jokes and little jabs.

It reminded them of what Chan brought to their life, so it was a bittersweet realisation more than anything. Chan had left a few movies out for his Angel to watch apparently, because on coming back to sit on the couch, they saw several CD cases spread on the table.

Making themselves a bowl of popcorn, Angel put in the first Home Alone movie into the CD player before sitting down on the couch, a pillow clutched to their body. And the rest of the afternoon and early evening was spent like this, watching one movie after another in tandem with only breaks to fetch something from the kitchen or to go to the bathroom. It wasn’t not lonely, but with the sounds from the TV, at least it wasn’t empty around the house.

Practice was important but Angel couldn’t help but wonder what was so important for Soonyoung to call them in for practice on Christmas Day. It was his job, they knew. But it was a holiday across the world and it was their partner who had left to go back to his job. Of course, they were slightly bitter about it, it was apparent from the several chocolate wrappers littering the top of the coffee table.

It was well past dinnertime when the bell rang. Finally rang. There was only one visitor Angel was expecting at this time of the day so when they left their cosy nest of blankets to open the door, they were only slightly puzzled since Chan was supposed to have a key with him. But on opening the door, they realised why. Chan had come home. But he had also brought guests and a lot of food and drinks.

“Hey there~” Mingyu greeted Angel as he pushed past Chan and entered the house, smelling fresh from his shower and spicy thanks to the food he carried. “Sorry for barging in,” Seokmin smiled widely, clearly being a bit more well-mannered about their invasion than his friend. Minghao just bowed and conveyed his thanks, smiling sweetly at Angel without a word, knowing they didn’t need empty apologies. They were here to enjoy the night, and they didn’t think they were doing anything wrong so why were they asking for forgiveness anyways?

Chan entered last, shoulders slumped, lips pulled into a tired smile when they looked up at Angel while his head was turned down.

“Welcome back home. Merry Christmas love,” they greet Chan, knowing he feels bad for not being home the whole day and bringing along some of his members, reducing chances for you two to be intimate properly on this holiday. Chan brightens up considerably at their words, hearing his Angel’s words. “Thanks, Merry Christmas to you too,” he chirps in his usual cheerful tone, eyes sparkling at you as he enters, bottles of different drinks clinking inside the bag he was holding.

It was well past midnight when the members left the house and Angel finally had their time alone with Chan for the first time that day. If they were going to be technical, they did not have any time alone since that morning, which was a long time for both.

Cleaning up after the 97s didn’t take much time as they had done most of it by themselves. Finishing up the tidying up of their living room barely 15 minutes but maybe the whole day had been taxing for both because they found themselves crashing into the couch next to each other. With heavy eyelids, they exchanged little words till Angel brought out Chan’s gift. They were only reminded of the remaining gift when Chan started playing with the pendant hanging right on their breastbone.

Standing up from the couch, the present was pulled out of a cupboard by Angel before handing it to a wide-smiled Chan. Eager hands tore open the craft paper wrapped package. The similarity of their gifts gave Angel goosebumps. They had no idea what the other had gotten yet, they were so close to each other. An amethyst stone embedded in a silver bracelet, surrounded by Swarovski crystals. Chan giggled when he realised how similar their gifts were. “It’s beautiful, thank you,” he said quietly, looking up at them shyly from his seat.

With the bracelet secured around his wrist, Chan stood up and grasped his Angel’s wrist. “I was away for the whole day. You don’t mind if I spoil myself for a while in your lap, do you?” he asked as he led the way to the bedroom.

#svtsecretsanta #lmao i'm late af #last of the 4 #svtnetwork #svt #chan #my child #anyway fam here it is and I hope you enjoy it!!!#SEASON'S GREETINGS FAM

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a-simple-lee · 8 years

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OMG THOSE DRABBLES ARE AMAZING :'D I've been following your blog for so long now and think you're an amazing writer. You're just.. omg.. so good! :D Can I request one?! Number 45 "We are leaving. Now." with maybe Sam and Dean and the reader as their little sister? Maybe she's in a fight or something but it turns out it wasn't actually all her fault and the brothers were too hard on her, so they decide to cheer her up when they get home :P

Author’s note: Ahh, Thank you so much! That means a lot to me, so thank you from the bottom of my heart! I’m glad you like my trashy ramblings, haha! And thank you for sticking with me through my varying obsessions! I’m not too keen on the ending, and it came out more serious/angsty than I’d intented - also, this thing is way longer than I’d planned, but here ya go!

WordCount: 1,539 (barely even a drabble lmao)

Triggers: Includes violence, swearing and mentions of failed sexual assault attempts.

_____________________________________________________

“B*TCH!” Yet another fist came hurtling towards you. A sudden urge to roll your eyes came over you as you grabbed the balled-up hand and pushed it away with a huff. Apparently screaming derogatory terms was the only thing this drunkard was capable of. Your body swerved to avoid another blow as your angered opponent aimed another punch towards your face.

“Y/N!” A panicked voice rung out over the shouting of the people around you, and your head turned to see your brothers running towards you. With a swift kick to the groin, you sent your assailant to the ground, and jogged over to your siblings. The smile on your face vanished when you noticed their stern expressions.

“HEY!” Yelling suddenly drew your focus back over to your opponent, who was surrounded by his friends. One of them eyed you with disgust, and rose from the floor to storm towards you. You stretched your wrists and prepared for round two. He was going down-

“We are leaving. Now.”

Your world spiralled around you as a hand roughly gripped your shoulder, the fingers digging harshly into your skin as someone yanked you around to face them - it was Dean. His eyes scanned you for injuries before he grabbed your wrist and began pulling you away from the scene, Sam close behind. Too overwhelmed to do much else, you followed the brothers blindly as they started tugging you towards the door.

Everything had been a blur of panic, colour and adrenaline. Minutes seemed to pass in the blink of an eye as the three of you fled the men from the bar - instinct overrode all else as feet slapped against concrete, the flat-out sprint barely tiring you as panic forced you to flee. Existence consisted of the gaps between tired breaths, of the split-seconds where neither of your feet were on the ground, when you were flying, if only for a moment. It wasn’t until you reached the Impala and pulled away from the sidewalk that things slowly came back into focus. Dean was swearing profusely, Sam glancing over his shoulder to glare at you from the shotgun seat. Words escaped your grasp as shock numbed you - it had all happened so fast, and your mind was only just catching up. All you could do was give vague “mhm’s” of acknowledgement in response, your body too busy recovering for you to stand up for yourself. After a couple of minutes of your brothers ranting, they realised they were getting nowhere, and let you recover in silence, the air between you tense as Dean drove, sunset approaching.

---------------------------------------

“Alright, what the f*ck were you thinkin’?!” You winced at Dean’s tone as you stepped out of the car, shutting the door quietly and leaning against Baby with your arms folded. It was one of those nights where Dean had driven you off road to some cliff to drink beer and watch the sun go down - except this time, you weren’t sure if there would be much of either; the beer drinking or the sunset watching. A stray lock of hair blew over your forehead - you sent it back with a loud huff.

“He started it.”

“Yeah well it doesn’t matter who started it - what matters is that you were too damn irresponsible to stay quiet. We leave you alone for ten minutes - ten minutes! And what do you do?! Start a friggin’ riot! Way to go!”

Suddenly your throat tightened with guilt as you remembered what had happened. You glared intently at the floor, and sniffed. That guy had tried to- bile rose in your throat at the very thought.

“You don’t understand-”

“Yeah, I do! I understand perfectly! You got yourself in trouble and we had to dive in to save your sorry a*s!”

“N-No-”

“Oh, that’s not it, huh?! How about you decided to beat up some guy because you felt like some attention?!”

“Dean, stop-” Sam had noticed the hurt in your eyes.

“No, can’t you see?! The witness was about to cough up!”

“BOTH OF YOU!” Tears threatened to spill over your eyes, but you blinked them away, swallowing the lump in your throat. Your siblings stopped to look at you, worry dotting their features for the first time.

“Look, I know I-I messed up the case, but I didn’t want to start a fight. But that guy-he was...h-he tried to...” Visions of that afternoon swarmed into your head, drowning out the buzz of the nearby crickets. Your breath quickened at the memory, and everything came crashing back to you at once...

--------------------------------

“Hey, beautiful.” The alcohol-laced voice had already put you on edge. You reluctantly glanced up from your soda to see the man, grinning in a way that immediately had your nerves on edge. Your legs tensed in case you needed to run. Eyes wide, you decided not to respond - maybe if you didn’t play ball, he’d grow bored.

A hand on your waist. The rancid stench of vodka as he breathed out heavily. That sick grin which would be embedded in your memory for the rest of your life. You knew what would happen if you didn’t put an end to it - the very concept set your blood boiling with fear.

“Get off of me,” You spoke clearly, firmly. The grip tightened, forcing your breaths to become shallow.

“You aren’t going anywhere.”

That was it. Time to save yourself. You scrambled off the stool, the chair clattering to the floor as you pulled on the wrist holding you.

“Now listen here,” He punched you in the stomach, the blow knocking the breath from your chest but fortunately not leaving any lasting pain.

Things only escalated from there. Amongst the blur of skin, you managed to wrench his hand off of you. Perhaps the drink had weakened him - thus far, none of his touches had caused you physical pain. You shook out your arms, and hurled yourself towards him.

---------------------------------

“Hey, hey,” Sam’s voice reached you. Your legs were weak, bent as you leaned against the Impala for support.

“H-he was going to...if I didn’t stop him he would’ve...he put his hand on my waist...he called me beautiful...he was drunk,” The story flowed out as the lump in your throat subsided.

“Sh*t, oh sh*t,” Dean was pacing, his features pale and his eyes worried. Suddenly he turned to face you, eyes piercing as he searched you.

“You’re ok?”

You nodded shakily in response.

“I’m so sorry, I should’ve - if anyone tries again, just say-”

“Dean,” You smiled weakly. “It’s fine. You didn’t know. Besides, He didn’t hurt me. I got lucky.”

“Y/N, I’m sorry, too. For what I said in the car - God, I’m so stupid.”

“Oh shush, you two,” You attempted to brush it off, pulling yourself upright and opening the car, retrieving three beer bottles.

“Let’s just chill, ok? We can solve this case tomorrow morning,” Tossing a drink to each of your brothers, you slid onto the front of the impala, the front window serving as a backrest. Seconds later, Sam and Dean joined you, overlooking the falling sun, the three of you illuminated by its dying light. But you still felt horrible. Maybe Dean was right- you’d held them back today.

Sam leaned forward to study your features. He turned and placed his beer on the roof with a sigh, before poking you in the side.

“Hey, lighten up. You did great today, fending for yourself.”

You frowned.

“Stop frowning, you,” With a grin you recognised all too late, your older brother grabbed one of your wrists and started pinching your side, experienced fingers immediately targeting your sweet spots.

“Nahaha! Sahaham!” You twisted to face Dean, who was suddenly wearing a similar grin. Eyes wide, you shook your head at him through your laughter. Within seconds, your other wrist was pinned against the windscreen, and two hands were scribbling up and down your torso, the electricity from your nerve endings powering a smile that rivalled the disappearing sun. Those two always knew how to reduce you to hysterics in seconds.

“Woah, you’re still ticklish, sis? Guess girls don’t grow out of it,”

“SHUHUT UHUP, DEHEHAN!”

“Shut up?! How rude! You’ll pay for that,”

“NONONO IHI’M SOHORRY! NAHAHAT THEHEHERE! NOHO!”

“Hey, Dean, do you still think raspberries work on her?”

“NO NOHO PLEHEASE-”

“I dunno, Sammy. Let’s find out.”

“DOHOHON’T YOUOHO DAHAHARE!”

“3, 2, 1...”

“AAAHAHA! NAHAHAHAHAAHA!” Tears of mirth dotted your eyes within seconds as you thrashed against your sibling’s hold, laughter going silent within seconds. It wasn’t until you were silently begging, tears streaming down your face, that they stopped.

You curled up on the car bonnet, breaths coming in giggly hiccups, a smile on your face that would surely linger for hours.

“Y-yohou ahare soho evihil!”

“Hey, we’re big brothers. It’s our job.”

“Y-yeheah?” You panted, rising onto all fours. “Wehell, i-it’s my job as little sister to get revenge on the eldest!” With a triumphant battle-cry, you tackled Dean, Sam immediately rushing to help you, the two of you laughing as you fulfilled your role as younger siblings.

Needless to say, you were going to get him next.

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