#(this is dumb and im not sorry LOL i HAD TO MAKE IT)
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ok i’m sorry i contemplated not posting this because it’s almost meanspo so just don’t read it if ur triggered. it’s also just bad advice, don’t starve yourself and don’t be an (vodka) alcoholic.please recover love you i guess
first off i wanna preface this by saying FUCK YOUUUUU. if ur a little fat baby piggy no friends bitch i don’t want ur advice or opinions on my alcohol consumption while i fast😭😋!!! i’ve lost like 40lbs since i’ve started being an alcoholic and it’s had absolutely no impact on my weight, cuz just to irritate for the 100th time on this account: I NEVER EAT HOE! anwyays sorry maybe i’m just too drunk but that really pissed me the fuck off. like GOD OKAY RUIN THAT FOR ME TOO. like ok i never get any calories in except for alc but sure fuck it yk, because YOU said that alc has calories(you don’t think i know that bro?) i’m just gonna suddenly stop being an alcoholic. and now i just feel like shit because i consume calories from alc and someone thinks thats a “judgey” thing to say to me. now i feel fat so thank you. like if i could stop drinking that easily i WOULD and if i could start eating without gaining weight every time i do I WOULD. ur so dumb. ugh. i hate myself i’m sorry i’m so mean i love you people and i hope ur healthy and happy. i just need to put my anger out on someone lol. BUT also genuinely liek you guys do piss me off tho cuz you think it’s some crazy impressive thing to not eat for a week or eat like a grape a day…like guys… it gets worse and you will see and you’re gonna hate ur life. if ur ed is at that point PLEASE RECOVER AND RECONSIDER IT GWTS SO MUCH WORSE UGH. AND NO ONES GONNA LISTEN BECAUSE I DIDNT EITHER. i want to save you guys so bad. like i hate that people still get to romanticize it without all the pain and suffering every single waking moment of the day. also i’m officially underweight so someone send me a 0 calorie cake in the mail😝🙏
anyways this is somehow too related and will sound so fake but i swear on my whole life and my mamas and my brothers and my papas this is a TRUE STORY!!! i saw an old friend today and the first thing they said was “oh my god you lost so much weight” “like ur arms, face, whole body damn” BASICALLY LIKE THAT OBVIOUSLY I DONT REMEMBER WORD FOR WORD. but bro i have never felt so fucking seen in my life. like finally someone besides my family or best friend noticed my weight loss damn. AND SHE ASKED IF SHE SHOULD BE WORRIED FUCKKKKK. like no you shouldn’t cuz i’m never gonna get better but like fuck thank you bro. no one comments on people’s weight anymore and it pisses me offfff like i know it’s rude but i needed that comment to make me wanna keep starving!
am i a piece of shit? like genuinely did the eating disorder make me a horrible evil miserable person? i have this thought that even if somehow i recover physically(i pray to god i never get fat[by my standards] again ) that i’ll never recover mentally. i’ll always have this fucked up judgement of right and wrong that revolves around the stupid idea of being thinner. does it even matter? no. no it doesn’t. but it’s my whole world. my whole world is how skinny i am and it’s so tiring. the highlight of my day was being called worryingly skinny by an old friend who doesn’t care if i live or die. the second highlight of my day was the fact that i got 28k steps and burning 800 calories at the gym and bought another bottle. i’m tired of being a bad person. im tired of being annoying and stupid and dumb. such a fuckup. i’m sorry if i’m a bad person and you had to read this and feel like shit because you had to sit through reading my awful terrible judgment and thoughts.
LAST POINT:
tomorrow i have to eat my first meal in months(for real this time) and i am so scared and upset. it’s like a piece of myself dies everytime i eat. without starvation i am nothing. i am a shell of a person and when i eat i just become a shell that feels fat. i’m gonna take laxatives obviously and do some workouts but it’s never enough. i’m gonna make sure the meal that i’m forced to eat is as low calorie as possible because i’ll be drinking alcohol too and APPARENTLY i should just kill myself because it’s a crime to still be an alcoholic when you’re starving yourself.
also alcohol most likely won’t make you gain weight unless it’s beer or seltzers and it especially won’t if ur always drinking on an empty stomach. vodka on an empty(for months) stomach plus working out excessively won’t make yoh gain weight. shut up shut up shut up shut THE FUCK up you bitches piss me off.
FUCK YOU.
#3ating d1sorder#3d f4st#starv1ng#3d not sheeran#tw ed ana#4norexla#light as a feather#34t1ng d1s0rd3r#4nor3xia#4nerex1a#tw skipping meals#m3ansp0#me@nsp0#pr04ana#pr04nn4#pr0ana diet#pr04n4#pr0anna#4nablr#4narex1a#4n@diary#tw ana bløg
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It's kinda shocking to me how few people seem to know how prevalent the 'my great grandmother was cherokee' myth is and how it's almost never actually true, especially when it comes with things like 'never signed up' or 'fell off the trail' or 'courthouse burned down destorying the documentation' etc etc.
People just don't even seem to know the history like.. when the Trail happened. My great great great grandfather was 2 years old during Removal in 1838, so peoples 'my great grandmother hid in the mountains!' is so clearly wrong. And we have rolls. From before and after removal, rolls done by cherokee nation and others by the government, rolls that were not stored in one random flammable courthouse. It's not difficult to find the actual evidence of ancestry.
And just.. there are lots of ways those family stories get started. It was a practice during the confederacy to claim cherokee ancestry to show one's family had 'deep roots in the south' that they were there before the cherokee were removed. Many people pretended to be cherokee and applied for the Guion-Miller payout just to try to steal money meant for cherokees - 2/3rds of the applicants were denied for having 0 proof of actual cherokee ancestry. [We even see lawyers advertising signing up for the Miller roll just to try to get free money.] And the myth even started in some families in the cherokee land lotteries, where the land stolen from us was raffled off, including the house and everything that was left behind when the cherokees were removed. We have seen people whose families just take these things stolen from the cherokee family and adopt them into their own family story, saying that they were cherokee themselves.
If you had some family story about being cherokee and you wanna have proof one way or the other, check out this Facebook group run by expert cherokee genealogists that do research for free. Just please read the rules fully and respect the researchers. They run thousands of people's ancestries a year and their average is only around 0.7% of lines they run actually end up having true cherokee ancestry.
#and ive heard even dumber origins of the cherokee family myth#such as an ancestor having a silly sounding name so the descendents just go 'oh she mustve been an indian!!!'#i was one of the few people who had my ancestry done on the facebook and had genuine cherokee ancestry#[though i had found it before it was just really validating to get it double checked and i started finding cousins (:]#like. i was told once when i was a kid by my grandma that my dad had cherokee ancestry and i didnt believe her. its wild that so many peopl#will make it a Fixture of their identity [or even just smth they bring up ever] with Zero proof#at least for cherokees from what ive seen its usually considered really disrespectful to claim to have cherokee ancestry without#actually having the documentation [like ancestors on the rolls]#and no a dna test doesnt count. nor does 'my dad is Clearly not white!' or 'high cheekbones' or old family photos or anything#i had this discussion with someone recently whose dad had been calling himself 3/4 native but didnt know exactly what nation ???? hello?#and its like... sorry but ur dad is like. italian lol.#[and blood quantum is bullshit anyway im tired of the 'im 1/16 cherokee' comments its dumb#cherokee nation does not have a blood quantum requirement. its pointless bringing it up in the discussion of who is or isnt cherokee]#also mandatory disclaimer that im reconnecting. i didnt grow up connected to the culture of even knowing my ancestry#this is all from my looking into this stuff over the past year or so. i cant claim to be an authority over anything regarding this#this is p much all my repeating things ive heard said by people who know a lot more than i do haha#man. and this isnt even starting to get into the fake tribe stuff. the only legit cherokee groups are the 3 federally recognized bands#cherokee nation of oklahoma. united keetoowah band. and the eastern band of cherokee indians.#any others that are state recognized or not at all arent acknowledged as legitimate by any of the legit cherokee groups#anyway. my final message goodb.ye#cherokee#tsalagi
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Like just about everyone else does, the Good Hunter Ruza finds Lady Maria very ✨️compelling✨️
#sin scribbles#lady maria of the astral clocktower#lady maria#good hunter#hunter bloodborne#hunter oc#bloodborne#(aka ruza would have the fattest crush on her IMAGINABLE if they were contemporaries. but who tf doesnt LOL)#(o h ruza you and your vileblood women)#(apparently to date ruza thats the only qualification required DKDKDKFKD)#(IM SHOCKED AND DISGUSTED AT MYSELF FOR NOT DRAWING MARIA BEFORE NOW)#(tbf tho she gets so much love. and my curse is i always get hooked on the underloved characters lmao)#(SO CAN WE TALK A B O U T marias cut dialogue bc it gives me the vapors)#(this is dumb and im not sorry LOL i HAD TO MAKE IT)#(sneak peak at ruzas 2nd loop design also. she does not meet lady maria until then in her story lol)
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KUWAMESHI SKETCH DUMP KUWAMESHI SKETCH DUMP in which they are little shits who cannot stop messing with each other
also obv zoom in to see everything bc this shit is CRAMPED. but it's all neat i prommy
#god this took forever. guys i really love them im serious#aughhhh. augh. i had most of these down for days but i needed to like. make em not just stick figures lol#fought for my life against kuwa in the milkshake one more than probably anything else on here but i don't think you can tell so wtv#anyway theyre dumb theyre dumb and i love them.. and there is no way their bastardisms go away once they (finally) start dating#also i hate drawing furniture ok just ignore that pls <3#yyh#yu yu hakusho#kazuma kuwabara#yusuke urameshi#kuwameshi#kuwabara kazuma#urameshi yusuke#genkai#kurama#i mean eikichi and puu are there but like. eh#skrunkart#yyh fanart#also you can't really see it all that well but in the bridal carry one yusuke's got like.. a stinger in his side? that's what it's supposed#to be anyway. couldn't figure out how to make that clearer -_-#also also just be warned im gonna srb this at least like 4 times bc i spent like 5 days on it. sorry lol woe kuwameshi be upon ye#and i swear the genkai page is coming i have not forgotten
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😍😍😍
#accidentally slept through my only class today#which whoops sorry. (my 9am english)#which kind of killed step 1 of a plan of mine but thats okay#anyways THEN i had to go downtown to pick up this award bc i forgot to show up to the ceremony like a dumb dumb#but the building was like a 25 minute walk and it was COLD (punishment for my dumb dumbness tbh) but anyways i got there early so i walked#around the block and then went inside and picked up my medal#and i was already far downtown so then i popped my head in a couple of stores as i slowly walked back#got a few things from target. new hair clip nail polish m&ms pens and then a mango. very excited to eat that either later today or tomorrow#then i popped in the calligraphy store and then the comic shop and looked around. saw some white ribbon in the calligraphy store which ive#been looking for but didnt get it because it was a bit wide and kind of expensive and i want a lot for my project idea#(want to write out some of my favorite poems on them in sharpie and then use it to accessorize)#and then i went to the comic shop and peeked around. saw a nubia issue and a few gl 2021s in the discount bin but i didnt get them bc#they were all middle issues and i havent read those books yet although i do want to someday bc my guys were in them. one of the gl 21s even#had simon on the cover so i was very !!!!!!!! thats my guy!!!!!#didnt buy anything there but i did ask the guy to make sure to order a copy of the spirit world tpb so ill stop by to get that in a few wks#and then i went to the bookstore cafe and got a cold brew and did a but of English there. they have tables in the stacks its nice. the one i#grabbed was just surrounded by old paperbacks of sci fi and thrillers lol. didnt see anything id read but recognized a few author names like#card (no enders game though) and the pern lady (idk her name i havent read it). anyways did half a blog post thats technically late (ill#backdate though dw) and then packed up and i grabbed a gyro from the halal cart on that block which i just finished back at my dorm <3333#anyways good times. now im gonna try and spam some work and go to freaking trivia team for the first time in a month later. oops#blah#oh and i think the halal cart guy may have given me a free soda. unsure abt that though bc its possible it came with and i was just being#silly again. so anyways i had a ginger ale too
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funniest shit to me is that I had a nightmare sidestep wasn't actually a regene and was just someone mind controlled to think they were one, like damn I do NOT like that concept that badly
#dex talks#dumb shit#fallen hero retribution#fhr#sorry yall I just think it's really boring if true LMAO#just funny as shit even in my dreams I hate it ewjfrhvydgdfjs#'but what about the whole hollowground and mitchel thing?' bro im sure shit can be figured out around that#like idk maybe hollowground's family has or had connections to the special directive and their dna got used when making one#or mitchel offered up their genes for testing creating a second version of themself#god I hope im spelling their name correctly LOL#hollowground's supposed relative is who im talking bout when i say mitchel okay#cause yadda yadda fhr ending hollowground refers to 'mitchels file' while kinda talking about us#if im understanding correctly LMAO i can be dumb so#and on that note#fhr spoilers
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ignore me lol
#having one of those nights where i'm very very miserable#like the constant guilt of just being me in my situation here at home barely getting to leave the house#not being able to work because i have no transportation#having to rely on bits of online work i can find online just to like have lunch with a friend#can't even drive we have one car my dad won't help me get my license#can barely do my online work because we haven't had wifi in weeks and a lot of it i need my laptop for :(#like writing is all i have now this is the only thing keeping me from losing my mind and doing some dumb shit#and im like .. is this going to be my life forever cause this shit has been going on for many many years now#and i just don't want people thinking i /want/ to be living this way i literally don't#like it's crazy i have to wonder like why am i existing if im just locking myself in my room all day everyday#all of this combined w my trying to control my ** it just does not help at all#idk i just want to be normal i want to have a life i wanna enjoy my life#but knowing it's going to be awhile before i do just makes me dread waking up every morning#im just so sad and lonely and miserable and this is all i have going for me#idk#sorry for the long vent#but it is true everyone i am in fact a loser#alright lemme shut up lol
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was fucking around trying to make strong bad in the project sekai profile editor and i spent way too long on this to not make it my actual profile LOL
#im cringe but i am free#the pjsk profile editor is EXTREMELY limited theres 6 shapes and 33 colors and thats all u have to work with#plus i did this on my phone#sorry its so dumb and self indulgent but i had fun making it lol
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ive always wanted to play dnd but truly i think its too late for me and i just dont have it
#im wayyyy too ashamed to like. roleplay nowadays due to my dark and twisted past#my dads always played dnd like my whole life we were gonna do a campaign together me him and lamp when i was 13 i was sooooo excited we#planned it 4 weeks and weeks and weeks. months even. and we were gonna do it on a sundayyy so hed be off workk and it was gonna be such an#awesome day bc we were going to the zoo in cinci first and then wed come home and play dnd my first ever time playing dnd with my dad and m#sibling and i was so excited. BLANK STARE .#so anyways ive never played dnd i like. kind of dmed one session ages ago with groomer That fucking guy and ykw but that ended afte#session 0 i was the only one who actually wanted to continue bc i rly wanted to play dnd with my friends LOLLL. its so funny in retrospect#bc i was like 13 playing dnd for the first time as a dm trying to manage 3 ppl who were all older than me#g was 18-19 tfg was 16-17 and ykw was like 14-15. and all of them had played dnd before but they were making me dm for some reason#wtvr. so that went nowhere#and then me and ykw talked abt doing a dnd thing together allll the time we were even making a campaign together but it just never ended up#happening. and then all that happened and then all of his friends would come over and play dnd together in the kitchen i wasnt allowed to b#in when they had guests over (my room (garage) could only be accessed from the laundry room which could only be accessed from the kitchen.)#so there was nowhere else i could go lol. and the walls were thin so id always just hear them laughing and having a good time and it was rl#awesome for me and im SOOOOOO glad i fucking moved to wa im actually so fucking glad about it and rly happy too im so fucking glad i got to#do that. WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i got upset. sorry everyone..... ill do a silly little dance as penance#anyways. i say all this to say i dont think ill ever be able to play dnd bc like ik there r like. groups or whatever you can join but that#sounds miserable and i also feel like i cant play dnd for the first time at age 20+ like. everybody else will have already played and ill#be stupid abt everything and look dumb and Even if they were my friends and not total strangers theyd fucking hate me . So yes its so sad#idk. tag apparently has started playing dnd with my dad which is nice for them genuinely im glad they get to umm. have that. ok anyways im#gonna go slam my head into a wall a whole lot of times
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starting the war on christmas early by noticing this emote on the site formerly known as twitter
#its probably been there for years but i just noticed it today#im sorry if youre an enby who thinks this is cute but it is so so cringe to me#im stepping bravely forward to say: mx is dumb and i think we should strive for dropping these honorifics in english-language cultures#instead of making up a new woke gender neutral ones. call me crazy 🤷♂️#look im biased in northern MN/my family we never ms/maam/sir/mistered as an explicitly taught system of 'honoring' elders/#people in authority. i even went to a high school where the teachers went by first names (they changed that policy by junior year & it didn#go over well bc it turns out respect & trust are established by actions not titles)#i think its a silly system that only 'honors' class/racial/gender quantifiers vs if someones words/actions make them worthy of respect#unlike many places where it is EXTREMELY interwoven into the culture (oh the awkward encounters i had w entitled old men in the u.s. south#who were already rude to me but expected me to 'sir' them?? like maybe dont sexistly take the tools out of my fucking hands & take over my#work site i'd show you some respect david!!!!!)#'other languages have them tho. what would be call people?' 1) yeah so? and many do not. idc i am talking about stupid u.s. english & 2)#call people by their names maybe? or titles like doctor captain etc that have actual meaning behind the signifier other than Adult#anyway dysphoria over being in a place where i was required to be called ms was the final egg crack in realizing im trans so i have a lot t#say on the topic lol and also language is endlessly fascinating#also idk the original context of the react image its probably bad but its funny & i do not care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Derby is for colts and fillies alike so long as they’re 3 year old thoroughbreds. 3 fillies have won the derby, though the race is historically dominated by colts due to speed qualifications. The oaks race is for fillies yes, but the derby is not just for colts like your post implies. Please stop trying to spread false information. Yes people who attend derby are mostly rich white folk but behind the scenes are poc workers and people who genuinely have a love for horses and the sport alike
That feels a bit better to know. For some reason idk people around here just label one race as the girl one and the other as the boy one and it’s like why are you being misogynistic about horses. So it’s nice its not like that in reality but now it’s like weird cuz whyyyy have people around me just been spreading horse misogyny my whole life 🤔
And yeah I didn’t intend to spread misinformation but hm I definitely don’t know derby lore very well I just know some fan culture that I’ve grown up around so that’s definitely not gonna give me a very clear picture so idk what I was thinking. I’m mostly just fed up with some of the ways people have treated the derby in my area and really just fed up with family rn so I was being bitter but I shouldn’t have made any like. Statements about the actual derby when I don’t really know what I’m talking about at all and also most things in Kentucky culture and history have a really interesting background and there’s always gonna be passionate people and poc involved that don’t really get shown on the surface cuz. Racism. I do have my big grudges against these rich people from out of state or from the rich neighborhoods of Louisville who treat the derby like some big spectacle but then scoff at the rest of the state and clutch their pearls in fear when they have to park in a closed off parking lot where they gotta pay a black man for parking and then walk through neighborhoods they deem filthy just to get to the derby but eh fuck them. Let’s be here for horses and kentucky history and culture and just celebrate the amazing shit that we have going on
#ask#hnnnghh this is probably so poorly worded i just woke up and yeah 😵💫#i am genuinely sorry that i spread misinformation cuz idk nothing really pisses me off more than disrespect of kentucky culture#which is like exactly what i did in my original post i didnt know what i was talking about and got mad anyways which is something i always#try to encourage people not to do so oof#just cuz people i know have said dumb shit doesnt mean i gotta believe them and also say dumb shit#and dw im gonna delete the original post im not feeling it anymore anyways cuz honestly#akdjks reading this anon and hearing someone give better context about the derby has me kinda fired up now#like yeah im still gonna have to deal with my family being. ugh. but i do like when kentucky feels special#i wish i could go back to kindergarten where we made derbysonas aldkks and we had a contest#mine was named golden lightning and i just. poured golden nail polish on the horse drawing and called it a day#i didnt win lol but it was very fun and i unfortunately dont think id have time to make a derbysona today#but i encourage anyone who sees this to make one and get creative with it
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#ew not me finding disgustingly cheesy stuff I wrote#in the DRAFTS of this blog#right infront of my salad#like. a zombie(?) with no heart and a doctor who the zombie goes to once a day to have his heart checked lol#god i gotta delete these i swear#the thought of anyone receiving my laptop if god forbid something happens to me and then reading these is so mortifying to me#i rlly gotta delete these#do you want to hear the menu of these nonsense posts:#1. we got mr. no heart zombie w/ high body temp and his anemic heart doctor#2. miss palace botanist/healer and her annoying student who ends up being the second prince lol#3. cheerful oblivious guy and some one who views him from far as a thorn that causes hemorrhage#i think i just combined all my fears and horrors into dumb tragedies. fears: unwise relationships. the medical field. unrequited love#sorry to 2016-2019-me... i am deleting ur stuff. i mean. im glad u found some place to project your fear and sadness into.#What better coping method than to turn the story of you and your love for science into an unrequited love tragedy and personifying medicine#listing them here as I delete them because. I want to hold on to them for a few more seconds#4. a stupid long poem that makes it sound like I had a secret relationship but in actuality this is abt how in college-#-my physics lab professor used to abandon us in the lab without giving us instructions so we had to spend hours figuring everything out#honestly im gonna let go of these#they're all from a rough time in my life of studying and feeling like a failure and like I couldn't do anything right#there's no use in revisiting them and feeling bad abt it#delete later
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Congrats on sending that application!
THANK UUUUUU
#it was to a dominos and my partner is a gm in training at a different branch and i have over a year delivery driving experience#already and know Exactly How Low Their Standards Are so im not worried about getting it‚ mostly just that my brain will still be too mushy#to handle a job again#but i mean since it is just dominos and im only aiming for part time it hopefully shouldn't be too bad#and i do not care if they don't like me bc my resumes already pretty good as is i don't need a glowing review from dominos#esp bc i could just put my bf down as a dominos reference and theyd probably just Assume i worked for him and call him#instead of the store i actually worked at KWNDLABFKSBFJD#which is v good bc having seen a lot of what goes on behind the scenes on the manager side via my bf. i already know i am#going to cause problems LMAO#i have the Transgender Working In Very Liberal Area Right Next To Very Conservative Area Protection Aura#wherein the bosses here are So Very Scared of getting in trouble for bigotry and want to look sososososo woke. that i can get away#with being way more blunt abt when shit sucks lol#bosses don't really know what to do when The One Openly Transgender One directly calls out unfair expectations to their face#and to be clear i do mean liberal as in Liberal we're still very much in the North Idaho Splash Zone so like#open bigotry doesnt happen and the public will be on your side if it does. but boy do they know actually nothing about it#you know the type i mean kwbfksbfkd#like the best example i can think of is a couple ppl at my last job still she/her'd me long after i started passing as male#and me Being A Transgender™ had made the news rounds#and my other coworkers wouldnt correct them and would just he/him and they/them me back#which im fine w bc thats how my pronouns work is just. idk whatever you think‚ if you wanna she me you can just look dumb LMAO#but crucially 99% of my coworkers Didnt know thats how that worked‚ they just knew im A Transgender and look like a man#and that everyone else didn't use she/her for me anymore‚ so like an actually left place would rightly assume#they were doing it deliberately to be shitty and correct them‚ whereas here theyre just like. ah im sure they just havent noticed#since you went by she/her when you started here#and its like no i dont think the beard i grew halfway through working there went unnoticed actually#given that Thats When The Universal He Himming Started#im rambling again sorry for this word avalanche irt a simple congrats i got distracted JEBFKABFKSBFKDBFMD#anyways. tyvm it was stressful and i still dont want to do it but its out of my hands now so i have to follow through and at least give it#a try and i appreciate the encouragement‚ it rlly did make me feel a lot better just seeing the ask#gibberasks
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klavier’s perspective of klapollo is the song supermassive black hole by muse and apollo’s perspective of klapollo (especially first meeting him) is cooler than me by mike posner
thank u for coming to my ted talk!
#first of all#klavier just completely radiates supermassive black hole because hes hot. just kinda a fact#but here are some lyrics that could fit their situations or be interpreted to do so#“youve got me under false pretenses” from supermassive black hole could be interpreted as klavier noticing that apollo first and foremost#recognizes him by thinking that he’s his brother or overall just a gavin#also i kind of get the sense that apollo thinks at first that klavier’s just some rockstar prosecutor who likes being fawned over#and as he learns that no this guy is more complex his perspective changes. his assumptions were false!#“you never say hey or remember my name and it’s probably cause you think youre cooler than me” and you can guess the song#could be interpreted as apollo getting kinda peeved cause he thinks klav doesnt take him seriously#only calling him herr forehead. and also just AGH HES HOT IM KINDA MAD AT HIM FOR THAT so maybe the “hallo” pisses him off too LOL#“if i could write you a song to make you fall in love i’d already have u right under my arms” from cooler than me and so this is kinda like#apollo doesnt like being undermined he doesn’t like being underestimated or taken pity on and so maybe he kinda sees klavier’s love songs-#-and flirting with the crowds and such as kind of a. dumb thing that wouldn’t work on him (and ykw maybe it does work on him but#he doesnt know that LMAO) so like the fact that klavier can just sing a song and make people fall in love with him at first sight kindamake#apollo be like “oh yeah well if i had a talent like that i could make u like me SO quick but i wouldnt use ur TACTICS anyway >:)”#polly u are so. ur a little bit spiky like ur hair yk#i love him so much but hes just the right amount of angry all the time /j#“u set my soul aLIGHT” from supermassive black hole - apollo is the god of. the sun. hahahahahaha im so sorry and also pollo just gives kla#the motivation to try his best i think#ANYWAY. this could totally be out of character i havent actually finished the game yet shshshshshshs…..#but i love klapollo so much and i like these songs so HERE TAKE THE RAMBLE POST#thank u for ur time#klapollo#ace attorney#apollo justice#klavier gavin#aa#aa4
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i’m sorry but it’s insane that in the span of 24 hours, penelope:
• nearly got proposed to
• had the intended proposal rudely AND PUBLICLY interrupted by her bestie (and crush but whatever)
•got ghosted by her situationship/future possible husband at a BALL (public humiliation IS penelope’s middle name, after all)
•leaves ball in a state of embarrassment (poor thing)
•gets CHASED TF DOWN by COLIN BRIDGERTON. ON FOOT, MIND YOU.
•colin all but forces himself inside her carriage (in the most gentlemanly way possible)
•her long-time-childhood-crush basically says “hey um i can’t stop thinking about u and i like u can u tell me u like me back PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PL”
•gets fingerbanged to high heavens
•gets an ACTUAL proposal from the man that isn’t her suitor or her friend but is a secret THIRD thing
•announces said engagement to her situationship’s family and proceeds to get called a fake bitch by her future sister-in-law
•writes a damn whistledown column AND publishes it BEFORE THE SUN COMES UP
•her mom yells at her and essentially accuses her of being slutty and sneaky
•colin “im so in love and im totally normal about it” bridgerton says “oh btw i got us a house haha and my servants will be coming later with all my stuff that i packed up last night lol im so normal and casual about this and i definitely didn’t stay up all night twirling my hair and giggling over the fact that im marrying my bestie”
•mr. fingerbang announces he is in love w her
•mr. fingerbang seduces her and they have beautiful, intimate, wonderful couch sex
•girly pop gets PREGNANT
•guilt is eating her alive bc she is like “fuckkkkk im whistledown and i HAVE TO TELL COLIN he deserves complete and utter honesty” and then colin basically is like “no time for talking! time to make ourselves at home!” essentially leaving penelope on the lounge like “😀”
•is shoved into a carriage (this time with the curtains drawn, just in case if colin needs to play a lil penelope piano obvs) and gets the news that the queen has started a Lady Whistedown woman hunt and her fiancé goes “omg slay yasss fuck lady whistledown”
•colin then proceeds to be like “pookie u wanted to tell me something earlier??? what was it???” and pen is just like fuck he HATES whistedown… “nothing!!!” and colin being young and dumb and in love he is like “ok :D <3”
•penelope then WRITES AND DISTRIBUTES ANOTHER WHISTLEDOWN COLUMN
Moral of the story is: Penelope Featherington is the strongest woman ever and i’m not surprised that she ended up fainting at her engagement party bc she needed a NAP
#bridgerton#polin#luke newton#bridgerton season 3#romancing mister bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#nicola coughlan#lady whistledown#bridgerton s3#bridgerton s3 spoilers#colin bridgerton#penelope featherington#penelope bridgerton
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all yours if you want me | s.r
pairing: spencer reid x bau!fem!reader
a/n: i think i really like this but if i proofread it one more time im gonna hate it so im just putting it out now lol. this is the full version of the sneak peak i posted last week woohoo ! also this is my first time writing smut so im sorry if it sucks but i hope y'all like it <3
summary: bau's got their first day off in weeks, and you're heading straight to the club to have some fun, you just didn't expect your coworker/crush to also be there while you're trying to forget him.
cw: 18+ minors pls dni, smut, p in v (dont be silly wrap ur willy), munch!spence, lowkey softdom!spence, suggestive dancing in public spaces, minor insecure reader, reader is afab and wears a dress and heels
wc: 4.6k
pls let me know if i forgot anything and let me know your thoughts pleaseee xx
it was the first friday night off you and any of the team members of the bau had in a long time, and you all were determined to spend it well. jj and hotch immediately went home to their families, penelope and emily decided they were going home to get some well needed rest, rossi went to a cigar club, not really sure what derek and spencer ended up doing, but you knew what you were doing tonight.
you’d had a long standing invitation from one of your college friends for a club night, and at first you’d decline because you’d get swept away on a case, and because you were hopelessly pining after your hot nerdy coworker dr. spencer reid.
spencer was smart in many ways, three PhDs, countless published papers, not to mention that eidetic memory of his. there was one thing that spencer was just fucking dumb at, and it was your shameless flirting at him.
like it annoyed you how clueless he was. you’d bring him coffee in the mornings with hearts drawn on it, fall asleep on his shoulder on the jet rides back, even complimenting his outfit or looks which made him flustered, but still nothing. your harbored crush seemed to stay just that, a crush. and while you’d hope he would get the hint he just hasn’t.
so you pull out your phone to text your friend.
“barry’s at 9?”
“oh my god FINALLY. i’m there i'll pick you up at 8:30.”
you grin to yourself, this was good. you needed to get out and unwind for once.
you drive home quickly to hop in the shower before your friend comes to get you. throwing on a silk slip dress as your outfit of choice, you slipped your heels on and met your friend in the car.
walking into the club, you’re met with the thumping bass of the music playing and the staunch smell of alcohol, sweat, and sex.
it made you think about the last time you got laid, which was a really long time ago. and honestly you wanted to sleep with spencer so bad you hadn’t been making advances elsewhere. but that was going to change tonight, you were determined to have good slutty fun, and hopefully get laid.
your friend grabbed your hand and beelined to the bar, ordering two tequila shots each. once you downed them you moved to the dance floor and started preying for a target. as you’re scanning the room, you notice a familiar looking mop of brown hair standing next to bald headed man. a combo you knew all too well.
-
derek morgan was a player. and before he’s a player, he’s a damn good friend. which was his reasoning for dragging spencer out of his apartment to come out to the club and have fun.
“but i can have fun at home by myself morgan.”
“kid, you need to let loose once in a while. you are young, i’m just helping you take advantage of it.”
-
so now spencer’s at the club (a sentence he still struggles to believe) wearing trousers and navy button down shirt to which morgan had popped the top buttons open because ‘it gives the ladies a sneak peek’. he just rolled his eyes and went with it. he’s nursing a shirley temple at the bar, perusing the environment when he comes across a pair of eyes he knows like the back of his hand.
when you recognize the amber eyes you couldn’t believe your luck. of course, on the one night you’d decided to explore other options he shows up in the least expected place for him to be. so much for getting over him, you think. shyly raising your hand to wave, spencer returns the gesture. morgan takes note, “who are you waving t- oh, pretty girl is here huh pretty boy?” he nudges him.
a blush raises on his face. spencer thought you were attractive, like really attractive. you were a great addition to the bau and he admired your work ethic a lot, the day you walked into the bullpen wearing a fitted pantsuit had his own pants growing real tight. he still remembers when you introduced yourself and he couldn’t even get up without exposing himself. you thankfully didn’t think it was weird, and spencer was relieved when it was finally time to go home. he’d be lying if he said he didn’t have nights where he wished you were the one finishing him off and not his rough hands. he didn’t think you’d like someone like him, and took all of your ‘advances’ as morgan calls them, as acts of kindness.
morgan laughs as he watches spencer’s iq deteriorate to below 50 staring at you, “do you what you gotta do man. but you better be going home with someone tonight okay?”
spencer nods and nurses his drink a bit and looks back to morgan to realize he’s already off dancing with some girls in the corner. damn.
after your distanced encounter with spencer, you decide it’s time to move on and have some fun on your own. you couldn’t be hung up on him anymore, at least not tonight. tonight was for bad decisions.
good thing bad decision walked up to you asking to dance, whatshisname leads you to the dance floor and puts his hands on your hips, swaying to the beats of t-pain and pitbull.
you didn’t know, but spencer was watching every move you made. he watched you get led to the dance floor, the way he placed his hands right on your ass and squeezed, and how he turned you around so you were dancing on his front with your back. he gripped his glass so tight the bartender had to tell him he’d have to pay if it breaks.
he gets it, you’re attractive. this is the kind of thing that happens to people who look like you. who wouldn’t want you? but then he watched it happen a second time. and a third. and a fourth and fifth, till he just stopped counting at nine for his sanity.
spencer was not used to the green monster taking over him, but oh god was he fucking seething with jealousy.
you realized spencer was watching you by whatshisname number five. he hadn’t moved from his spot and he was constantly staring in your direction. deciding to do a little experiment, you played up your dancing a lot more, acting more flirtatious, dragging the guy’s hands further down, and letting out open mouthed moans that you knew spencer couldn’t hear but could definitely see. you watched as his jaw shifted and his knuckles turned white as you danced with each guy, realizing the growing effect that you now had on him.
by whatshisname number nine, you casted your hook. making sure to face spencer and meet his eyes, you watched as they darkened when he realized you were looking right at him. spencer might’ve brushed it off as a coincidence, but then you winked at him. and he realized what you were doing—you were taunting him, and fuck was it working for him. the bulge in his pants grew uncomfortable that he had to stand up to not draw so much attention to it under the bar lights.
you watched him stand up and adjust himself and you threw your line. when he looked back up at you, you made a come here motion with your index finger and a bite of your lip. spencer’s eyes darkened impossibly more, he paid for his tab and strode over to you.
sinker.
he pulled you from the man behind you, who muttered a ‘what the fuck’ and moved away. spencer pulled you flush to his chest and with a low voice in the crest of your ear he whispered, “what do you think you’re doing?”
“i don’t think i know what you’re talking about dr. reid, could you explain it to me?”
spencer tightens his hold on you and ghosts over your ear once more, “this is a dangerous game you’re playing, sweetheart.”
“a game you joined the second you walked over here.”
he looked at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes, and matched the small smirk on your lips. game on.
the song changed to something with a more sultry beat, and you used the opportunity to wrap your arms around his neck and let his hands guide your hips to the music. while he wasn’t much of a dancer, he could definitely keep a beat. it didn’t prove to be so difficult when your chest was pushing up on his own that he was just waiting for them to spill out. he realized he could feel your hardened nipples through your slip, the nubs rubbing friction through the fabric of their clothes. he moaned internally while he gripped your hips to pull you even closer. it was clear spencer seemed to be getting comfortable with moving your body and holding you close, but you couldn’t let that happen.
before the second chorus you turn around in his arms so your back is pressed up against his front, and you start dancing on him.
spencer’s taken by surprise, something you felt when his hands faltered the confident rhythm it kept up, and while he watched you dance just like this with all those guys it’s like his mind is blank now.
you recognize the song playing, collide by justine skye & tyga, and use the sultry beat to your advantage. you move your ass hard on his front, feeling his length pressed between your cheeks. you gesture for him to lean his head down and he lets out a low groan as you whisper in his ear, “all that for me?”.
a primal instinct starts to take over spencer’s being, and he grips your hips to meet his rutting from behind. spencer was desperate for any friction that could soothe the growing ache in his pants. you grinned as you felt take what he needed from you. it was quickly wiped off your face when you felt his hands inching dangerously close to where you really wanted him. you place your hands on his with surprise and look at him, “what are you doing?”
“i don’t think i know what you’re talking about, sweetheart,” he threw back at you, “but if there’s something you’d like me to do, i’m all ears.” spencer grazes his fingers under the hem of your dress, toying with the lace band of your panties and slipping his fingers below it to stroke your inner thighs.
fuck. he turned it on you so fast it almost gave you whiplash. the provocative dancing was something you could handle, hell everyone on that dance floor was doing the same thing as you both. what you weren’t sure you could handle was him about to touch you in a public space. but, your body betrayed you as it turned you on to another plane. you look up at him with lust filled eyes and let out a breathy moan of his name. spencer collapses internally and stands his ground, “if you want something, beg me.”
spencer thinks he’s won the upper hand, and he’s feeling so smug behind you. he still thinks he has the upper hand until you reach down and place his middle and index finger in your mouth, circling your tongue around the digits.
“touch me.” you moan out, releasing his fingers.
spencer is dumbfounded how he’s the one about to burst out his pants when he made you beg for him. it should make him feel embarrassed at how close he was, but he couldn’t find it in him to care. not when you in his arms pleading him to do something. you sounded so pretty, and who was he to deny a pretty thing like you?
his fingers continue their journey down, outlining the lace trim resting on your thighs. he hooks his fingers on the fabric to pull it aside and slips into you, going at an aching pace to gather the wetness and groaning out, “jesus, you’re so wet, was this all for me? you needed my attention that bad, baby?”
you whimper and grip his hand even tighter because you’re not sure if your legs are holding out any longer. it’s all so overwhelming—having his hands down your panties in the middle of the dance floor, the lewdity of the noises in your ear, the hard length pressing desperately on your ass. this is all you’ve ever wanted from him, to want you. and now it’s happening, and your brain can’t fire the neurons fast enough to process the moment. instead your body responded with your skin heating up with anticipation, heart beating out as much adrenaline to keep up. the daze is getting foggier by the second as he trails his fingers up and down your slit, spreading the wetness and circling your clit on the way up. and you think you’re about to get accustomed to the pace he’s set, when he delves between your folds and you moan out loud so abruptly that the nearby patrons looked around wondering where it came from.
you can feel spencer’s shit eating grin behind you as he moves his head down to leave love bites on your neck. if he can feel your bluff dissipating, he’s not saying anything. his fingers set a painfully slow rhythm, and you grind down trying to get any more friction to reach your peak. he’s hitting you in all the right spots that make you see the stars and beyond, leaning your head back on his chest as you barrel towards your climax. you feel yourself mere seconds away from reaching, and spencer suddenly pulls his fingers out, making you whine out in protest, “wh- what are you doing?”
spencer grabs your wrist and starts dragging you through the sweaty bodies surrounding you, tightening his grip with a small smirk as he passes a few of the guys you were dancing with earlier. suckers.
he pushes the doors open with a force and while the cool air is attempting to return your body to homeostasis, the anticipation of where he’s going overtakes you, “spence, where are we going wh-“ you cut off your sentence with a gasp as he handles you flush to the door of his car. then it’s just silence for a few moments. no loud bass or weird dudes, just the two of you. the only sound that can be heard are your breaths competing for prominence. you look up at him and focus on the details of his face illuminated by the moonlight, trying to read his expression. his honeyed eyes have fully darkened to a lustful hickory, and suddenly you felt like a gazelle being preyed on by a lion.
he reaches into his pocket and unlocks the car with a soft beep. it’s the focused eyes on you that drive you to open the door, but it’s the subtle silent nod of his head towards the car that makes you move inside waiting for him to join you. he climbs in after you, shutting the door and locking it.
spencer moves to the middle seat and allows his legs to spread open, he taps his thighs and faintly says, “come here.”
you shuffle closer and swing your legs over him, your dress rising up a little as you fully sit on his clothed crotch. and now you realize the corporeality of the moment. it’s like, really real now. all this time pining after the boy genius with no luck and now he’s got you in the backseat of his car and your panties crooked, waiting for you to move. the bravado you wore and so tightly held onto for a majority of the night comes crashing down like a shattered vase, and you’re not sure if you have any more in you to salvage the pieces. you may be a profiler, but try as you might you are not a mind reader, yet you so desperately want to know what he’s thinking. is it too much to ask what this means? will it overwhelm him to say you’ve dreamt about this moment for many nights, and how those dreams went on till the early morning when he’d stay and brush your hair back with a temple kiss. the whispers of sweet nothings sticking to you like honey as you got ready for the day. are these questions you even want to know the answer to?
you may not be a mind reader, but he is dr. spencer reid, who noticed your demeanor change after too long of a silence.
“hey,” he holds your chin delicately to your eyes, “it’s okay if you want to stop, i’m sorry for tak-“
it’s your turn to cut him off, “no! no i, i still want this, i just,” you falter.
“just what, baby?” he coos softly.
it makes tears well up in your eyes, you hope he can’t see them, “i’ve just wanted this for so long, and it’s probably embarrassing that i’m admitting this now of all times, but i don’t know if i can handle this meaning more to me than it does to you.” you confess quietly.
spencer listens to your admission and gingerly resecures his arm behind you, a position he thinks is starting to become second nature. he rubs soft shapes into the small of your back, “what makes you think that?”
“because i basically threw myself at you tonight, and it seems to be the first time you noticed me.” you say halfheartedly.
“you think i don’t notice you?” he whispers, leaning in to leave soft kisses in the crook of your neck. spencer is dumbfounded, confused at how you reached such a conclusion. but as a man of science, he feels there’s only one way to prove himself. he breathes your name out, “can i show you how much i notice you? please?”
you nod, at least you could commit this moment to memory if it was all you’d have left of him. he presses his lips to yours for the first time that night, your breath faltering as he becomes more feverous with his attacks. slotting his tongue with yours, your hands move up to his silky hair to take purchase in. he lets out a groan as he pulls back from you, “i need to taste you.”
he guides your body to lean back on the center console, the only way his tall figure would be able to accommodate this position. your legs are still split on either side of his legs, using your hands to prop yourself up to watch his movements. he hooks his fingers on the sides of your panties and slowly slides them down, moaning at the way your slick causes resistance as he pulls them off your legs. wrapping his arms under your thighs to lift you up to face level, he places small kisses on your inner thighs as he makes his way to your core. he places a final kiss on your center before licking a long stripe up to your clit. moaning out wantonly, he continues his ministrations and kitten licks all over you, circling back up to your clit after each round.
“spence..” you whine out. he moves his focus to your clit, circling and sucking till you’re squirming in his arms so much has to grip your thighs. your hands are fussing through his hair, gripping and pulling to find something to ground you. spencer then slips his fingers into your core for the second time tonight, and you lose it.
he’s pumping his fingers in and out, that all you can hear is the squelching noises of your cunt. adding another one, you’re unable to stay still anymore, as if you were before.
“oh my fuck, spencer. i’m gonna cu-, cum. please don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop.” you moan out filthy.
spencer unlatches his mouth for a moment, “come for me, baby.”
your orgasm crashes down on you like a wave breaking on the shore. it’s all consuming, leaving you shaking and breathless and he lifts his head from between your legs and you see his chin glistening with you in the moonlight. the sight itself is so pornographic, you can’t help but shuffle back onto his lap to crash your lips back to his, tasting yourself on his tongue. he tangles his hands in your hair as you move yours between you both, unzipping his trousers to palm him through his boxers.
he breakily moans in your ear as you slowly pull back the band to take him out. the sight takes you by surprise, you knew he was big, you felt it on your ass while you were dancing. but seeing how it compared to your hand had you bulging your eyes.
“you’re so big,” you whisper. how the hell was that fitting inside of you?
spencer the mind reader places his hand on top of yours as you lazily stroke him, “we’ll go slow, don’t worry.” he can’t help but feel his ego inflate to the skies, he can’t remember the last time he had someone look intimidated by him.
nodding faintly, you gather the spit in your mouth and let it fall between you both to land on the flushed pink tip. you spread it up and down his length, setting a slow pace that had him moaning expletives in your ear.
“oh-, ohhh, fuck baby. you’re so good at that holy shit,” he says trying to hold himself together. you give him a few more pumps before lifting your hips up to guide him inside you. you move his tip to your entrance, rubbing it teasingly before spencer places his hands on your sides to stabilize you, and slowly sink you down onto him.
the second his tip pushes past your folds, you both moan out in harmony. placing your hands on his shoulders you leverage yourself to sink down further inch by inch, until your core is flush with the base of his thighs.
spencer is a man of many words, maybe too many. but right now the only word he can remember is your name as he watched you take his length whole inch by inch slowly losing any restraint he had left. the pressure his cock had inside of you was heavenly. you’d never felt so full, and you could tell he was trying so hard to stay still as you adjusted above him.
when you bottom out spencer throws his head back against the seat, “oh that’s it, good girl,” you clenched around him. “you okay?”
you nod in response, ignoring the way the term of endearment sent flutters to your heart, and attempt an experimental rock of your hips, causing spencer’s head to whip up and meet your lust blown eyes with his own. he adjusts his hands on the sides of your thighs and starts helping you move up and down on his length, setting a brutally slow pace.
you rest your head and moan into the crook of his neck as he continues his movements, “spencer, please, more, i can take it.”
he still can’t believe what’s happening right now, all those days he spent thinking about you in the bullpen, at home, everywhere really, and here you were begging on top of him to fuck you good.
“you still think i don’t notice you?” he says into your ear, “i have dreamt about what you’d look like bouncing on my cock, and you are blowing any idea i had out of the water.”
you whimper as he continues, “and when i’m not thinking about ruining you, i am in awe at how you walk through life. you bring so much joy everywhere you go, it’s a blessing to be able to experience you.” he says through shaky breaths.
the praise goes straight to core, with some traveling to your heart again, and you’re not sure how much longer you can hold on before you unravel physically and emotionally.
his hands are guiding you up and down at a harder pace now, “so,” thrust. “you still think,” thrust, “i don’t notice you?” he thrusts into you once more and holds you down, making sure you’re looking directly at him, “it was never an option to brush past you, you are everything to me. i didn’t know how to show that without overwhelming you. i’m sorry.”
tears well up in your eyes again, spencer notices this time and presses a small kiss on your forehead. all your senses feel like they’re in overdrive, unable to comprehend anything right now. your skin feels like it’s on fire as he rolls your hips faster to meet his ruts.
“spence, i- i’m so close.” you whine desperately.
he slips his hand between you both to rub your clit, “i know baby, i’ve got you. let go for me.”
his words were enough to break the dam, your second climax of the night hurling towards you. the white hot feeling overtook your whole body, shaking and clenching above him. your grip on him was threateningly vicious, probably leaving deep crescent marks in the nape of his shoulders. you wish the euphoria would last forever if it meant having spencer like this. as you came down from your high, the two of you were still moving together, slowly rocking your hips to meet each other. once you were grounded again, you pushed through the sensitivity in your core to rise up on his length, just barely leaving the tip in before you slid back down fast and hard, now focusing on spencer reaching his peak.
“oh jesus, fuck.” spencer moaned out brokenly.
“come on spence you can do it,” you taunted as you clenched down, “come inside me, make a mess of me please.” a rush of confidence flowed through as you whispered into his ear, and spencer held your hips to help you bounce faster on him.
spencer let out a loud groan as you felt the hot spurts coat your insides, he was leaving matching crescent marks on the sides of your hips as the ones on his shoulders, making sure all of him was left in you. feeling him soften inside, you remained on his lap with him sheathed in you. you both are breathing heavily, leaning back to hopefully give you both some relief from the sex filled air. looking around the car you realize that all the windows are fogged up and let out a tiny giggle.
“what’s so funny?” he looks up at you slightly amused and very out of breath.
“no it’s just, the windows are such a dead giveaway for what we just did in here.”
“eh, i don’t really care what people think.”
“gasp, dr. reid wants to let the world know he has car sex with random girls?”
he leans in to bite your neck playfully, “random? did nothing i said during all that register for you?”
you yelp and attempt to play dumb, “actually i don’t remember a word, you might have to jog my memory. maybe even recreate the circumstances to help with cementing it. i read about situational memorization where certain scenarios are easily remembered when there’s a big event to anchor it to.”
he swears he could’ve melted on the spot at you explaining a concept you’d read about to him, “careful sweetheart, calling it a big event might inflate my ego a little too high.”
“i mean, i can tell it worked,” you tease as you feel him harden inside of you again, “so tell me genius, how many times does a scenario have to happen for me to remember the information?”
“i guess we’ll have to find out, don’t we?”
#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid smut#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x you#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfic#mgg#spencer reid fanfic#dr spencer reid#bau team#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid one shot
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