#(this is a rare case where like. i think if you shift your paradigm two inches to the left you'll realize we're actually in agreement here)

[ckret2]

Fuck you for pulling that bait and switch with the comic on the second to last chapter of the apocalypse shit. Genuinely pissed me off. Give me hope that this’ll be a fanfic that takes a different route than just bashing on cipher because it’s funny and then pulling it away because haha why not right? Let’s just blame the guy literally actually suffering and act as if he’s in he’s in his right mind at all. Oh well who cares. Loved your fic until you pulled that shit

My dude, you're well within your rights to hate the bait and switch. It was a dirty trick, I'll admit that.

But if you think that I was bashing on Bill, that I wrote his grief as funny, or that I'm not fully aware that he was acting irrationally out of pain and despair—then you didn't read the fic I wrote.

You're supposed to be upset he turned down the help he needs. It's not a joke. I want it to hurt that help is so close, but Bill can't accept it because he's grieving too hard to let go of his people. I want you to be furious that nobody but the Ax thinks Bill deserves help, and the Ax alone isn't enough to reach him. I want you to want him to heal.

But we already know he didn't heal then. Because if he had, he never would have done anything he did in canon. Nevertheless, this is a fic about offering Bill a second chance, no matter what, as many times as it takes for him to accept it, even if it takes a trillion years—because, canonically, we know it will.

You can hate the fic if you wanted to read a fix-it AU and didn't get it, that's fine—but do me a favor and hate it for the canon-compatible backstory tragedy it actually is, rather than the bizarre Bill-bashing comedy you projected on top of it after the plot took a twist you didn't expect.

[redevenir]

living alike (pt. i)

joshua x reader

wc : ~ 3800

a/n : It all started with @tearsofsyrup ‘s suggestion for the made-up title fic game and here i am... So thank you! I took the liberty to use the title again, hopefully it’s ok with you? Otherwise just tell me! I have said it before, but I think  shua and dark au... it is the thing, you know. Which is why I strongly encourage you to read paradigm shift (apocalypse au) as well as you hide; i’ll seek (both sexy titles by the way) and to check on these two writers’ other work because they’re excellent.

« I feel entirely dehumanised by the sun now and wish for fog, snow, rain, humanity. » from a letter to Edward Sackville-West, Virginia Woolf.

The soft clunks of water droping from the leaking sink behind you make your hair stand on end. You should be used to it by now, but you aren’t. Like everything else, it makes you uncomfortable. You wanted nothing more than to be buried deep in the swamps of the Administration. Hidden. Except you were a little frog on a desert, except everyone has seen you, and will remember your face. Hiding is no longer an option for you, the only way out is to disappear.

You take one last look at your ransacked room. You break a window for good measure, and head out, living the door open.

The soft thuds of rain against the cars’ glasses. Tight heart, empty lungs, he is the silent audience of an artificial show. A shadow wandering around the streets, the ghost of a ghost. Counting his footsteps. Counting the people on the sidewalk. Counting the cars. Counting the officials around the Prefecture. Thirty more steps to go. Joshua takes a deep breathe into his scarf. It seems no one is paying attention to him. Grey car, blue car. His hands are soaked, buried deep inside the pockets of his rain coat. Nothing can protect him from the summer rains. He takes a brief look above the ground, checks out the position of the sun, goes back to his feet. He needs to move faster. He cannot afford to be out during office hours. Twenty steps. He spots the door to his place and restrains himself from going faster. One excruciating step at a time. All around him, people move, people go from places to places. They listen to the speeches, they read the speeches, they learn the speeches, they believe the speeches. It is already hard for Joshua to breathe, let alone act. A small field mouse trapped in a gigantic machine. There is no room here for him, he feels it, fears because of it. Knows that in an instant everything could spin around him. Field mice are preys. There are so many predators around him, it is only a matter of time. Light turns green, the cars stop. He goes his way. Unsure, uneasy. Five steps. He reaches his door, doesn’t look back, and goes down the stair to his tiny underground studio.

Once he’s inside, finally, he lets out an exhale he didn’t notice he was holding. Double locks his door, puts the chair against it, and turns the light on. Here, underground, there is no sun light to warm up the air. He crosses the only room as he gets undressed, leaving his soggy coat for the clamminess of his quarter, and rummages through his clothes to find a change, replaying his stroll of the day. Nothing new. They are still agitated. Until they calm down there is no need to contact anyone, he decides. He reheats some unsavory stew for the fifth time this week, cleans up his plate, and crashes on the single bed, hoping for time to pass quickly.

He spends an agitated day, running after sleep, running from his thoughts. Even though he never sleeps well, there is always a part of him which foolishly hopes for a good rest. Remembering the kind of sleep he relished as kid, when he didn’t have to think about falling asleep. When laying down in bed was enough to dive deep in a warm unconsciousness, full of foolproof dreams. No matter where his drowsy mind takes him, he feels overwhelmed, on the edge of being assaulted. Faceless and formless assailants gathering in the dark to slaughter him.

Rising up, he picks a bottle of drinking water, ignores the remnants of the garbage stew, plans his wandering for tonight. He never follows the same path twice, in case someone might notice him. He puts on his parka which hasn’t dried, shivers when it brushes against his neck. There is nothing to do about it. Most of the time, Joshua tries to ignore his apartment. It is a disgusting place, filthy the minute he finishes to clean up. It is never warm, nor dry, nor hot. He never sees the light of day, never feels a breeze, for there are no windows down there. It is the best he can afford this close of the Great Palace. A miserable rat hole, nothing close to a nice burrow. It is the price to pay for a night cashier to get involved in bigger schemes. His eyes are priceless now that he has sold their sight. It is the only comfort he has found in doing so. The thrill of being useful – for whom? He has no right to know. But every morning after his shift, he goes out for his stroll, looking for anything out of the ordinary, and when there is, he reports it. One of them comes to the shop every week. Usually, though, Joshua tells nothing to his contact. Things do not change that often. But recently there has been movement. Why, he does not know, but they’ve been agitated, walking faster. Even though no one, of course, will tell him why, he knows something has happened. Something bad enough to be noticeable, bad enough that there has been no announcement on TV.

This is life now, he knows. Waiting and waiting and waiting for something which might never come. Joshua hesitates, then goes out without looking back. Maybe today, he’ll see something worth reporting. It’s raining as usual, but the sun is still up, somewhere behind the gray sky. The street lamps are not lighten yet. As usual, he goes right, then waits for the traffic lights to let him cross. He could not live closer to the supermarket, yet the path still bothers him – the ugliness of the streets, the noises of the city, the sickening smell of corruption and silent violence. He goes his way to the store, spends his night registering meaningless shop lists for night owls craving sugar or salt. His curved lips draw an empty smile to every customer while his mind goes through various scenarios of what might bother the authorities. He has no clue. What could indeed bother them? He is as ignorant when his shift ends as he was when it began. It is not a life. He could find out more, if he were a bit more audacious. But any step out of his supposed way is a risk he might pay with his life. Maybe, walking around the Palace’s streets is enough for now.

He puts his hands deeper in his pockets and waits for the lights to turn green. From the corner of his eyes, he notices a figure running in his direction. They storm before him, and throw themselves on the road. The sound of the car hitting your body is horrifying.

You spend an eternity drowning. Lungs full of mud, every living minute is a suffocation. The crushing weight of an undisturbed blackwater river is grinding your bones into mush, entangled between the roots of indifferent trees. You barely see the light, on the rare moments you emerge from your drowning, vision blurred by silt burning your eyes. You fight and you fight, and every new moon, every new tide brings you a new death.

In flashes you see faces, and you try to remember who pushed you into the river. A thin string of lost rooms and half forgotten conversations torments you, sending you in every direction. You lose yourself into a labyrinth of bewildered and electrifying memories. You try to scream for help but the dark water suffocates you more.

You cease to fight.

You let yourself flow, descending quietly in the abyss, a faint contentment when you touch the ground. An unusual corpse for shellfish and crustaceans to feast on. The soft pulse of your heart clawing his way out of your defeated chest. Far above you, you feel the lazy current going its way, ignoring you. There, cocooned in a silence older than a lifetime, it is easier for memories to come back to you. Faint lights above the school’s playground, burnt smells from the overcooked plum jam, a terrifying voice on the intercom freezing you to the core. You remember the pointy hat of the master, the piles of administrative sheets in his warm office, its walls painted of a deep, ancient red. You remember his whispers in your ears, which you tried so hard to ignore. His discreet threats disguised as indecent offers. Your remember going for his grocery shopping every four days, in the late hours of the quiet city. You remember knocking one of the piles over, and reading them against your best will. A pale breeze of rage brushes your cheek, unable to harm you.

You remember taking it with you, the vivid proof of the crime, on a hasty decision. You remember destroying your dorm. You remember the streets.

The moment you wake up you immediately regret it.

Every inch of your body is aching a thousand burn. You cannot open your eyes, the throb in your head makes you nauseous. Your throat is parched, and the feeble whine you manage to cry out is a pain in itself. Miles away you feel movement, in the distance you hear a voice filled with concerned, asking you words which you can’t separate from each other. It seems a worried litany of disquiet. Suddenly you feel cold and wet on you forehead, a divine relief to the pounding. The voice comes closer and takes your hand. You feel your hand. You have a hand. Panic rushes through your body like it never felt it, you try to move away, to get out, how can it touch you, what is touching you when you can’t even feel yourself?

Weirdly the voice seems to understand. It becomes quieter, soothing almost, ushering things you don’t understand, but it appeases you nonetheless. You feel it close to your hear, you feel its breathe against you. You’re sensitive and it has you tensed immediately, but it doesn’t last for long. A few seconds, the promise of safety. You pass out again.

The next time you wake up, everything is much clearer. You manage to open your eyes despite the soreness of your head. What you see when you do has you freezing up again, afraid you might have lost part of your sight. It is all black and gray. Gray ceiling above your head, a worrisome pattern of cracks. Gray walls, empty of any embellishment. Even the duvet cover is a dirty white. You try to straighten yourself, leaning on your elbow. It has you wincing but it is worth it. You take in your surrounding, even in the darkness of the unlit room. Someone has put your right leg into a splint of fortune, and did the same to your right elbow. You hold your breathe a minute, until you are assured to be alone. Nothing about it is familiar. There is a strong smell of menthol ointment that might come from you – the scent is overwhelming, and you cannot be sure. Your attempt to sit properly ends up worsening the piercing pain in your brain, and you resolve to wait until someone brings you water or food. Without any indication of the passing of time, you lose all notion of it, examining each clue of the room. You have never come here, and it makes you uneasy. You are facing the door and it reassures you a bit, whoever comes here will not have you at their mercy. At last, you hear the creaking of a key into its hole, which makes your heart racing. The door opens behind you in a squeak.

The man is tall, his shoulders wide as he bends a bit to come inside. The youth of his face strikes you the most. He might not be older than you are – and you are rare. The both of you belong to the last generation of children – it is also why, now that all of you are grown-ups, the officials are monitoring each and every one of you carefully. The last trace of unpredictability in the country. And, well, looking at the current situation, maybe they are right. It takes him a while to notice you, and you quietly observe him locking the door, putting a chair against it. Breathing, eyes closed, he relaxes before you. When he turns around, you see him immediately checking on the mattress – checking on you. And his face lightens up when he sees you facing him, rushing to you.

« Oh! You’re up! Are you okay? Do you need anything? Water? Hungry? Space? He chuckles. Take your time, he adds with a smile. » He exudes relief. Your throat hurts too much, so you mimic drinking and he’s on it, handing you a full glass of water. Then you point at him.

It is not going well. Your convalescence is endless. Your are weak and shattered to unclean pieces and every morning he comes back from work wondering if you will still be in this coma or if he’ll have to dispose of your body. In retrospect, it was a mistake, but even though he thinks it over again and again he does not see any other outcome. He would never have left you there to rot. What if you weren’t doomed to die? Suicide is forbidden by law. You are suffering enough as it is, despite Joshua’s best efforts to take care of you, he cannot even imagine the tortures the officials would have given you, had they been the ones to find you.

Yet here you are, at the end of a frustrating shift and a lousy stroll. Sitting up in his bed, watching him coming back. An unmatched joy floods through his body as he comes to you, taking a good look at your conscious face. A belligerent stranger, eyes empty and circled of mauve. Clearly distressed and looking weak. Joshua thinks that you being awake is a wonder, he remembers the poor bag of raggedy bones and torn flesh you were when you arrived. When he brought you to his basement. The clothes he has given you hide most of your skin, but he knows your body looks just like your face. A battlefield of bruises and scars and a timestamp to the day you met. For weeks, he has imagined what your first words would be, were you to wake up. What you would do, what your voice would sound like. He would fall asleep to the sound of your haunting rattles next to him, praying they wouldn’t stop before his wake. Nonetheless he has outdone himself. He has brought you back to life. You look bad, but you’re looking at him and he can’ t help but smile in satisfaction. When you point your finger at him, two things hit him.

You can’t talk and you haven’t lived with him for the past week. You know nothing. You don’t know him. He feels foolish to realize it just now. He sits down by your side, filling up an another glass for you. Ponders a bit – in your place, what would be his priorities ? But you’ve thrown yourself under a car and he never has, so he has no fucking clue.

« All right then I’m Joshua. I live here, obviously. Alone. Well, not anymore, since you’ve been there for a while now – the surprise in your eyes aggrieves him. I work at a supermarket down the grand avenue. I brought you here after you… You know. Wait, do you remember what happened to you? You answer him a simple nod. Okay, then, this car hit you, and, well, I brought you back here. You forget your soar throat but he doesn’t need to hear you to read the only word on your lips.

«Well… I know, I know, we are not supposed to interfere but… His eyes roam you, looking for all the mending he has done you. His voice is only a whisper when he finishes his sentence. How could I leave you there? » You clear your throat with pain. Clearly, the water did you do good. Joshua looks up eagerly, to see what you might say first.

«Who else knows I’m here? » Your words are a cold shower. You don’t trust him one bit. He tries to reassure himself, of course you don’t, you’ve just met him.

« Only this one guy – you scoff. I’m serious! There was barely anyone that day and, the driver died, I believe. I didn’t stay to check on him. But, turns out, something else happened that day and we managed to… slip through the cracks, I guess. »

«What? What happened? » He picks his words carefully.

« Someone bombed the Blue Palace. » You remain silent at first. Eyes closed, you take a deep breathe, then another one, until you look at him again, your facial expressions are still too knew you for him to read them. So he asks you. «What? What? »

« You’re saying someone fired a bomb on the Blue Palace? Quick, the shadow of a smile crosses your face. You close your eyes once again, licking your lips as if it’ll help you collect your thoughts. A bomb. On a palace. A bomb. On the exact day I had an accident? He hums in agreement. You lay back on the wall – he hadn’t even noticed how you had bent yourself closer to him, eager for news. Who did it? »

« I don’t know. »

«Wait, you’re saying someone attacked the blues and they haven’t been caught? »

« I don’t know, that’s what I’m saying. You may have not noticed yet, he gives a brief look around him. But I have no TV here. All I know is that they haven’t made any announcement about it. But if you ask me… » He bites his lips, unsure how much he can tell you yet. You give him a short moment, expecting him to go on. You let out a sigh when he doesn’t.

« Listen, Joshua – that’s it, right? From what I see, you could be sentenced to death as much as I do. I have spent hours in the dark, waiting for someone to show up. I don’t care if you did it, I don’t care if you work for the Palace, but please give me something. I need to know. » He comes closer to you.

« I think they have no idea who did it. They’ve been on the lookout for weeks. If they knew, there is no way someone could hide from them that long. He stays quiet, letting you register the information. And I didn’t do it, I swear. »

« I’ve been there... for weeks? » There is no use in lying to you but he hears the miserable realization in your tone and his heart aches too.

« Seven, to be precise. You’ve been really sick, you know. I patched you up as good as I could, and goodness! That DK guy knows a thing or two but even he can’t put a splint on your ribs. You say nothing. You don’t have to tell me everything, but I think it’s better to tell you right now. You… Said things when you were sick, he says. You work, hm, worked for the governor. You were his maid or something. You did his groceries. I have seen you before. » He is not asking.

« That’s right. » You ignore the elephant in the room that is the question on the tip of Joshua’s tongue. Maybe it is too soon. Maybe he doesn’t need to know now. Maybe your action was self-explanatory enough, and the details don’t matter. For today, Joshua decides he won’t push you.

« Who’s that guy you mentioned? » The way you don’t miss a word he says reassures Joshua – at least your head is fine.

« DK? He’s… Well, I don’t know much about him, I give him my reports. » You frown.

« What reports? You need to make report at a grocery shop? »

« I… Joshua shifts. It is going too fast to his liking. You should take it slow, and so should he. He wished to get to know you, and to make both of your comfortable before diving into such matters. He takes a deep breathe. I… Watch the Palace. Well, no, he stutters, I, hm, well, I go for walks around the Palace. Every day. Well, I work night shifts, so, after that, I go for walks. Every morning. And, hm, once a week, more or less, someone comes to the supermarket, and if I’ve seen something interesting I tell them. Usually it’s DK but sometimes someone else comes. I asked him for help when I saw how sick you were. » You chew the inside of your lips for a while and just when you’re about to speak again you close your mouth right away. This goes on for a few minutes, until you hum in acknowledgment. The silence between the two of you is only broken when Joshua hears your stomach grumble and jumps on his feet. « You should have said something! Of course you’re hungry! » He walks the few steps separating him from the cooking area of his quarter – he decided long ago he could not give the name kitchen to it. Kitchens were warm and full of promises. This was neither, just enough to eat some tasteless soups. He swears to himself he feels you watching him as he fumbles in his cupboard. When he turns back to ask if the soup is indeed fine for you, he notices the life back on your cheeks.

You eat dinner together for the first time. It is not quite lively but it is comforting and Joshua pretends he doesn’t notice the few quiet tears on your cheeks as you savor it. You fall asleep shortly after and as usual he lies down by your side, replaying his day.

No one can ever find out about you, he realizes. Not the officials, not his contact. He is playing a wild card which could backfire in so many wrong ways. The easiest way out would be to run away from the city, but it would involve so many people just to get you out, not to mention he has no idea of what he might find there. Joshua is dubious, but even he somehow believes the Palace’s tales. Maybe it is just a desert outside. Then what? What good would it do to them, to die of ignorance on foreign lands ? How much better would it be, to make all this vain efforts, when you might as well be sentenced to a much quicker death, without the discomfort of plotting an escape? Even if it is miserable, and he has even less room that before, Joshua still finds it better to sleep in his own bed. He is good at keeping secrets anyway.

Times passes slowly.

[paleorecipecookbook]

RHR: What the Latest Research Says about Probiotics, with Lucy Mailing

In this episode, we discuss:

Why your stool microbiome may not be a good indicator of your gut health

Why probiotics aren’t useless

How your gut microbiome fights change

What really happens when you take probiotics after antibiotics

Why you should consider banking a stool sample, if possible

Key takeaways from these two studies

Show notes:

“Are Probiotics Useless? A Microbiome Researcher’s Perspective,” by Lucy Mailing

“Personalized Gut Mucosal Colonization Resistance to Empiric Probiotics Is Associated with Unique Host and Microbiome Features,” published in Cell

“Post-Antibiotic Gut Mucosal Microbiome Reconstitution Is Impaired by Probiotics and Improved by Autologous FMT,” published in Cell

NextGen Medicine

[smart_track_player url="https://ift.tt/2DmnoTB" title="RHR: What the Latest Research Says about Probiotics, with Lucy Mailing" artist="Chris Kresser" ]

Chris Kresser:  Lucy, thanks so much for joining me

Lucy Mailing:  Thanks for having me on.

Chris Kresser:  So this was kind of a big bombshell that was dropped. This study we’re going to be talking about today … and I’m excited that you've been able to join us. Because every so often in science and research, we get a finding that completely contradicts what we thought before. And this is, of course, vital to science.

This is part of the scientific method, that we continually challenge our hypotheses and try to falsify them. And if you were to ask the average person on the street, I think, should you take probiotics after take antibiotics, and the average physician and the average researcher, the answer would probably almost universally be yes. But this study suggests that the answer may be no.

Lucy Mailing:  Yep. Yeah, I think you really have to be willing to put your bias aside here and we have to go where the evidence takes us. And sometimes that results in a total paradigm shift and directly contradicts what we thought before, like you said. But I think we need to be open to that and especially honest about it with those who trust us for health information.

Chris Kresser:  Yes, this, of course, was a big topic on my recent appearance on the Joe Rogan debate, where the evidence over many years on saturated fat and cholesterol and their relationship with heart disease changed to the point where even the dietary guidelines in the US and other countries evolved. And yet there’s still a pretty committed group of people that is not willing to question those original hypotheses that were developed in the 50s and 60s. So let's maybe not make that same mistake in the case of probiotics.

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, absolutely.

Chris Kresser:  So why don’t we start with just some general information about this study. We wrote, you wrote an article for a website that we published. It’s called “Are Probiotics Useless? A Microbiome Researcher’s Perspective,” and we’ll link to that in the show notes, and some folks may have already read it. But for those who haven't, why don’t you run us through the study.

What were the researchers trying to find?

How is it designed?

And then what were the findings?

And then we’ll talk little bit more about what to make of all that.

Why Your Stool Microbiome May Not Be a Good Indicator of Your Gut Health

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, absolutely. So for starters, I think it's important to go over a little gut anatomy just in case your listeners aren’t familiar. So we can think of the G.I. tract as a hollow tube, and all the inside walls of that tube are coated with this thick, protective gel. And so in this analogy, the gel represents the gut mucus layer, and the very inner center of that tube represents the gut lumen. And each of these regions has a distinct community of microbes, but these are rarely studied because these regions are rather inaccessible unless you undergo invasive endoscopy. And then of course we have the stool microbiome, which is the most widely—

Chris Kresser:  Let me just interrupt you, Lucy, because some folks might not know what that means. So that basically means a tube being put down your throat to look in your intestine. And not very practical on a broad scale to do that kind of testing to assess microbiome health.

Are probiotics really a good idea after taking antibiotics? Will banking our own stool samples to protect our gut health become routine someday? Check out this episode of RHR where Lucy Mailing, a microbiome researcher, describes surprising findings about probiotics. 

Lucy Mailing:  Right, right. And then of course we have the stool microbiome, which is the most widely used proxy marker for the gut microbiome. And you’ll often even hear these used interchangeably, the stool microbiome and the gut microbiome. But the first thing that was interesting about this study before they got really into the probiotics, was showing that, confirming previous findings that the stool microbiome was really not representative of the gut luminal or gut mucosal microbiome. And so that was really …

Chris Kresser:  That’s such an important finding. Again, you said it. It has already been known for some time, but I just want to clarify this for folks. What you see in your poop is not necessarily what's in the gut lumen, is what Lucy was saying. And that presents a challenge, doesn’t it?

Lucy Mailing:  Absolutely, yeah. And also not what's, not representative of what's most closely associated to the gut epithelium in the gut mucus layer, as well. And those might have the most impact on our health because they're so closely associated with the actual gut tissue.

Chris Kresser:  Right, and so all these studies that have been done, which are very useful and important, that have correlated the changes in the gut microbiome to health and disease states have been perhaps only seeing part of the picture, is really what we’re learning. And that there may be a whole other side.

Well, there almost certainly is a whole other side to this story that we don't know very much about yet. It's almost like the ocean covers two-thirds of the earth’s surface and we know quite a bit about what's happening up near the surface, but we know almost nothing about what's going on down in the depths. And in some ways we know more about space off of the surface of our planet than we know about the deep oceans. And I wonder if that's an apt analogy for the microbiome.

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, I think so. They even showed that if they look at the total genetic information in the gut, so the metagenome, as it’s called, there was only 20 percent correlation between the stool microbiome and the gut mucosal microbiome. So we really can't necessarily use the stool samples to predict what is actually going on inside the gut.

Chris Kresser:  That's again an important point, and it's one that’s been so frustrating for me as a clinician, and I'm sure for you too, Lucy. That's what we have access to as practitioners is stool testing.

Lucy Mailing:  Right.

Chris Kresser:  Of course, there is a big variation in the quality of stool testing that's available. Some is better, some are better than others and then there … stool testing can still be very helpful for things like identifying pathogens.

Like, for example, I got recently caught up in an outbreak of Cyclospora in the Bay Area here, which folks on my staff know, but some listeners may not. It’s a parasite. It's an acute pathogenic organism. I also had in that same food poisoning episode, I contracted enteropathogenic E. coli. And so stool testing can be really helpful for finding, I did some testing and identified those pathogens and I was able to treat them.

So it's really helpful for that kind of thing. But what you’re saying is for identifying what the presence of “good versus bad bacteria” and the overall microbiome, stool testing may not be able to tell us all that much.

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, absolutely. I think, yeah, I think you said it really well there. It's definitely still useful for identifying pathogens. But any bacterial abundance I get, whether it's from a comprehensive stool analysis, biome thrive, I'm always taking that with a huge grain of salt now. Because it's really not necessarily representative of what's happening in the gut environment. And so stool testing can be one piece of the puzzle, but we kind of need a consortium of tests to get a better idea of the total gut environment.

Why Probiotics Aren't Useless

Chris Kresser:  Right. So another thing this study found, which we've talked about before on my blog and in the podcasts, is that probiotic, when you take probiotics, the effect that they have is transient. I think there's been this notion that, I refer to it as like a gas tank analogy, where if your tank is empty, like, you don't have much good bacteria and then you take probiotics, you're kind of filling up the tank, and then once the tank is full you can stop. But that's not really how it works, is it?

Lucy Mailing:  No, no, definitely not. I mean, this is not a new finding, but of course it sent the media crazy all over again.

Chris Kresser:  Probiotics are useless, right?

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, exactly. We have hundreds of randomized placebo-controlled trials in humans that have shown safety and efficacy of many different probiotic strains. So to just … outright, those media headlines saying “probiotics are useless,” they’ll maybe strip some probiotics, but there are certainly many probiotics that have been shown in randomized controlled trials to have beneficial effects.

Chris Kresser:  But what this is saying is they’re useful in a different way than we thought before and that maybe many people still think, right? So instead of working on that gas tank analogy where you're filling up your tank with good bacteria, what are they, how are they actually benefiting us as they transit through the G.I. tract?

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah. So they found that there wasn't really significant colonization. They did this in both mice and humans. So there wasn't any significant colonization in mice. In humans, it was very individual. So some people did have some colonization, and those people, they turn into permissive colonizers, and other people were completely resistant to the probiotic colonization. And so, but it didn't really matter because when they lumped them all together and looked overall, there were significant changes in the gene expression in the small intestine in those that were taking the probiotic.

So this is in alignment with many studies we’ve seen before, where probiotics don't really colonize the gut, but they're having really beneficial effects in transit, including modifying gene expression, eating and digestion, lots of these different things, stimulating the immune system. And so just because they don't colonize in this case, in some humans, they did. But even if they don't colonize, they’re still having benefits.

Chris Kresser:  They’re still doing a lot of good, and that’s why I've often told my patients to think of them almost like immune regulators or balancers because of the impact that they have there. And I mean in the same way that makes sense because, historically, a lot of our exposure to these kinds of organisms came through food. And so eating those foods was something that we would do on a regular basis, not just a few times, until we got what we needed. We had this kind of ongoing exposure to these organisms.

Lucy Mailing:  Right, right, yeah.

How Your Gut Microbiome Fights Change

Chris Kresser:  So another interesting finding, which again was not necessarily new, but I think is something that surprises people, is that our normal microbiome kind of wants to stay the way it is and doesn't necessarily, isn't easily changed. So tell us a little bit more about what they found here.

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, so they did a really cool experiment in mice where they use germ-free mice, which are basically raised in a sterile incubator with no exposure to microbes, basically in a giant bubble. And so they gave these sterile mice the same 11-strain probiotic, and they found that in the absence of a normal microbiome, the germ-free mice had massive colonization of the probiotic strains. So this suggested to them that it was the commensal microbiome, the normal microbiome, that was inhibiting the colonization of the probiotic strains.

Chris Kresser:  And that's interesting too in light of the way that human microbiome colonization happens, right? I think we used to think that a baby’s gut was completely sterile when they're born. Now I think we know that that's not the case and there may be some colonization that happens in utero.

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, I think it's still controversial.

Chris Kresser:  Still controversial.

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, still controversial.

Chris Kresser:  But anyways, even if there is some colonization, it's extremely minimal, right?

Lucy Mailing:  Right.

Chris Kresser:  It's not, like, a baby is not born with a fully colonized gut and that doesn't even happen until later in childhood. So this seems to mimic what we understand about how the human gut develops is that that colonization happens early in life and that's why exposure to the right organisms through breastfeeding and vaginal birth is so important.

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, absolutely.

Chris Kresser:  So another finding you talked about is that the probiotic colonization in humans is individualized. So you mentioned this in the context of some people being … what was the exact term? It was—

Lucy Mailing:  Permissive.

Chris Kresser:  They had a permissive microbiome. So they were more likely to experience colonization. But that wasn't the only individual difference. What else happened there in the study? So I think it was not all of the probiotics colonized equally or were not …

Lucy Mailing:  Correct, yeah. So there were, they looked and they found nine of the 11 strains colonized.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah.

Lucy Mailing:  Significantly enriched in the mucosa, especially, but there were some people who had significant enrichment, and some people who really didn't have any. And that was where they made the distinction between the permissive colonizers and the resistant colonizers. And they did look into some different factors that might explain the permissive or resistant.

But they really had a fairly small sample size there, so they weren't really able to tease out anything. Although it looked like the baseline microbiome, certain characteristics of the baseline microbiome were able to determine whether, predict whether they’d be permissive or resistant.

Chris Kresser:  Right. But again this, as you pointed out, this doesn’t mean the probiotics didn't have an effect. I want to read a part of the paper that you highlighted:

Nonetheless, when all probiotic consumers were considered together, probiotic consumption led to transcriptional changes in the ileum with 19 downregulated and 194 upregulated genes noted, many of which related to the immune system, including B cells.

So again we’re seeing changes in gene expression and immune function, even though there isn’t colonization.

Lucy Mailing:  Yep, yep, and it did colonize in some people, which was contrary to what we probably thought before.

What Really Happens When You Take Probiotics after Antibiotics

Chris Kresser:  Right, right. So now we’re getting into some of the really surprising perhaps parts of of the paper, which is that probiotics may slow recovery of the normal microbiome after antibiotics. I think this is the most, again, the most surprising part of the paper and the part of it that conflicts most with maybe what was known before. So tell us a little bit more about that.

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, so like you said earlier, probiotics are widely used and prescribed during or after antibiotics, often suggested by the physician with this idea that flooding the system with “good bacteria” can help prevent the, some of these adverse effects of antibiotics.

And so in this study they wanted to see how probiotics, how taking probiotics after antibiotics impacted the long-term trajectory of the gut ecosystem. And so what they did first, they treated a group of mice. They did this in mice and humans again. So a group of mice and a cohort of healthy human volunteers with a single course of the broad-spectrum antibiotic ciprofloxacin and metronidazole. And that was just to kind of wipe out the gut bacteria.

Chris Kresser:  Carpet bomb.

Lucy Mailing:  Yep, exactly. And both of those antibiotics have been shown to have widespread devastation of the gut ecosystem.

Chris Kresser:  Those are the two worst I can think of, cipro and Flagyl, okay. Yeah, so okay, continue, please.

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, so then they split the mice and the humans into three groups. So group one was just allowed to spontaneously recover over time. Group two was supplemented with the same 11-strain probiotic that they used in the first paper for four weeks beginning right at the end of the antibiotic treatment.

And then group three underwent what's called autologous fecal microbiota transplant, or aFMT. And that one’s a mouthful, and I think we’ll come back to that group in a second. We’ll focus on group one and two at first.

Chris Kresser:  Such a well-designed study, and I love the autologous FMT part of it. I think that was really a smart way to do it. Why don’t we just go ahead and explain what that is. Basically, it means that they took a sample of the microbiome prior to the intervention, and then they put that back using a fecal transplant after it. So it wasn't a fecal transplant using another donor’s stool. It was a fecal transplant using the own individual’s stool.

Lucy Mailing:  Yep.

Chris Kresser:  All right, so what happened? We got these three groups. What were the results?

Lucy Mailing:  So most interestingly they found that treating the gut with probiotics delayed the return of the normal microbiota for as long as five months after stopping probiotic treatment.

Chris Kresser:  Wow.

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah.

Chris Kresser:  What have you made of this and other people in the field? Like, what’s the chatter? I know you work in a microbiome lab. I imagine this was kind of like a big day for all of you and a lot of discussion amongst your colleagues about this. So what do you make of it?

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, I mean to be honest, when I saw the headlines and I dove into this paper, or these two papers, I was prepared to say there's got to be something wrong with the methods here. Like, probiotics have to be good. We’ve known they're good for so long.

Chris Kresser:  Right.

Lucy Mailing:  And so you know, but I really tried to put my bias aside and really, like, look at it very critically. And I just couldn't get over this biotic treatment. And microbial diversity remained low for that five months as well. It was significantly lower at that five-month time point. Even lower than the spontaneous recovery.

Chris Kresser:  Right.

Lucy Mailing:  Which the spontaneous recovery group had no major differences in the stool microbiome within 21 days post-antibiotics.

Chris Kresser:  That's the part of it that I'm still not clear on because I know previous work has shown that, and I haven't gone into great, I haven't looked closely at these studies. So maybe there are methodological issues with these studies. But a single course of antibiotics can alter the gut microbiome for up to two years or even longer.

So it seems like they didn't find that in this case. And in fact, with no intervention, I think you just mentioned was about five months that they went back to normal, is that right?

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah. So I'm unfamiliar with the studies you're referring to, the previous studies, and that was with ciprofloxacin as well. In those studies they found that it closely resembled the pretreatment composition fairly quickly in terms of overall composition of the microbiome. There were a few taxa that failed to recover within six months or two years.

Chris Kresser:  I see.

Lucy Mailing:  So those previous studies, we’re still seeing the microbiome is still very resilient and so we’re still seeing this bounceback. We might be missing a few taxa, but we’re not preventing the return of the bulk of the normal microbiota for more than five months.

Chris Kresser:  So has there been any speculation on what the mechanism is in terms of the probiotic inhibiting the natural recovery of the microbiome?

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, so they did a really cool follow-up study to this, where they essentially took the probiotic pill and they cultured it in a bunch of different growth conditions that each supported the growth of each of the, there were four different genera in the 11-strain probiotic. And so they cultured it in such a way that one of the cultures had a lot of Lactobacillus and one of them had a lot of Bifidobacterium.

And so after 24 hours of culture they collected the supernatants, or kind of the soups that there are surrounding the probiotics on the dish. And then they took that and they kind of added it to a vat of a culture of human fecal microbiota. And they found that the soups, if you will, that had come from the plate with Lactobacillus, with a lot of Lactobacillus showed the strongest inhibition of the native human microbiome.

So this kind of points to Lactobacillus in particular might be preventing this recovery. So, and I mean, that's probably the most commonly used one, Lactobacillus acidophilus.

Chris Kresser:  Absolutely.

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah. I mean it would be really interesting to see what the differential effects of different categories of probiotics would have in future studies. Like, wonder about soil-based organisms or something like E. coli Nissle, or even beneficial yeast Saccharomyces boulardii, which some people are often advised to take after antibiotics.

Of course, we don't know the answer, but I hope that future studies will be done to assess that. And then I also even wonder about different delivery systems because there are now companies that are, like Seed, for example, and others that are, have developed patented delivery systems which they claim make the probiotics more likely to survive the digestive, acidic stomach and upper part of the small intestine. And I wonder if there's a different effect there versus just a probiotic that doesn't have that kind of delivery system. So this study definitely raised even more questions than it answered, I think.

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, definitely. And the other thing to point out is this was a single combination of antibiotics. Probably the most devastating of the broad spectrum antibiotics, arguably. And like you said, a single oral probiotic supplement mixture. So there's so many different combinations of antibiotics, probiotics, and even treatment timing.

So in this study they didn't begin the probiotics until after the antibiotic course was over. But there's some studies to suggest that if you begin the probiotics earlier, we don't know anything about how it affects the microbiome, but it certainly can prevent, be better at preventing antibiotic-associated diarrhea and Clostridium difficile infection.

Chris Kresser:  Right. And they didn't measure any clinical symptoms either during or after the antibiotic treatment, which would've been interesting to see if the changes are in the microbiome or the lack of change is correlated with any clinical symptoms.

Lucy Mailing:  Right.

Chris Kresser:  And I think you pointed out that it would have been also interesting to see, like they didn’t, one of the reasons it's often offered for taking probiotics after antibiotics is as a way of protecting against any kind of opportunistic pathogens, right? Enteropathogens like Salmonella. But we don't know whether maybe the probiotics would've protected against that even though they delayed recovery. So that might be another interesting study to see in the future.

Lucy Mailing:  Right, yeah. And I did dive into the literature a little bit on this to see what's the degree of the protective effect of probiotics after antibiotics for clinical symptoms or C. diff infection. And there are several meta-analyses, but there's a statistical concept that I think you’ve talked about before on your podcast or your blog. It's called the “number needed to treat.” And that's essentially a measure of the impact or efficacy of a particular therapy relative to the burden of treatment.

And so in this case, based on the most recent meta-analyses, you’d need to treat 13 patients with probiotics to prevent one case of antibiotic-associated diarrhea and at least 43 patients to prevent one case of C. diff. And so in all those other patients we’re potentially delaying restoration of the gut microbiome.

Chris Kresser:  Right.

Lucy Mailing:  And so there's definitely this trade-off here.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah, yeah. Especially with the 43. I mean 13 is a little more of a gray area in my mind, but 43 it starts to, that starts to be, the calculus is pretty clear there. Although it may depend on the virulence of the pathogen. Like, with C. diff., there are some 30,000 people, I think, are still dying of that in the US each year. So tricky, very tricky.

Why You Should Consider Banking a Stool Sample, if Possible

Let's talk a little bit more about the autologous FMT because I thought that was one of the clever, most clever parts of the study and is certainly something that I think has a lot of potential in the future. I'm personally a lot less enamored with FMT than I was maybe five years ago as a potential treatment. Certainly I think it still can be lifesaving in the case of recalcitrant C. diff, where someone has failed antibiotics and they’re actually, they could die. In that case I think an FMT is a no-brainer and the research is still really solid on that.

But what I've seen clinically is a lot of people have come to think that FMT is some kind of miracle cure for all kinds of conditions, like fibromyalgia or even being overweight and autoimmune disease, etc. And I've seen definitely some improvement when people have done FMT and I've also seen no change, and I've seen people get worse.

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, yeah.

Chris Kresser:  If we go back to what you said earlier about how stool testing is not necessarily telling us what's going on in somebody's gut or what's in the stool, like, I just don't know that we have the level, I'm not confident enough in stool testing right now to be able to know that we’re screening donors properly.

If the stakes are high enough that you’re facing death, then I think that, again, that calculus makes sense. But if it's like you've got an autoimmune condition, I'm not so sure. So it seems like autologous FMT where you replace … if there was a time where you were lucky enough to bank a stool sample before you were sick, of course, that's the big challenge here, the question. That makes a lot more sense to me than a donor that has not necessarily been screened adequately.

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, absolutely. I think, I mean, certainly we only have this one study to my knowledge, but it certainly seems a lot safer because you’re not going to be re-inoculating yourself with anything that wasn't already there before.

Chris Kresser:  Right, right. And I mean, in this sort of situation, if someone knows they have to take antibiotics for some reason and they were fortunate enough to bank a sample, that's a lot more clear, right? But if someone is trying to use FMT to deal with a chronic condition, it's probably unlikely, at least at this point, that they would have banked a sample.

But there's no reason that in the future, it wouldn't be, that couldn't become something that people just do. That becomes part of our, sort of like when you’re 17 or 18 and you’re healthy, bank some stool samples, and then maybe when you're 30 and you develop an autoimmune disease, you could get an autologous FMT with your stool sample from when you were 18. Who knows?

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, definitely. And you can definitely imagine this being a part of normal clinical practice in the future. Like, if you, if you’re undergoing surgery and you have to have prophylactic antibiotics, then save a stool sample the day before your surgery.

Chris Kresser:  Absolutely.

Lucy Mailing:  Get your antibiotics and then you can re-inoculate.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah, that’s a perfect example of where you know that you’re going to be taking antibiotics and it’s not because … and you can plan in advance, basically. Yeah. Well, this is really fascinating.

So let’s break this down. I know some people are probably scratching their head right now or just throwing up their hands, saying, “Oh, my gosh, should I even listen to anything anyone says anymore? It's just so frustrating, confusing.” And I totally understand that.

But again, this is how science works. We continue to learn, we continue to challenge our own hypotheses, even the most cherished held ones, and it doesn't mean that that process isn’t valuable. On the contrary, I think it makes it even more valuable, and over time if you look at the last hundred years, I think it's clear that what we've learned during that period of time is just enormous. And so it just means that we have to be willing to be flexible, right? And not hold on too tightly to certain beliefs that we may have had.

Lucy Mailing:  Right, yeah.

Key Takeaways from These Two Studies

Chris Kresser:  So why don’t you take us through some of the takeaways in a practical fashion. What can people take away from these two important studies?

Lucy Mailing:  Sure. So first, I just want to make sure we mention that we described what the autologous FMT is. But it resulted in rapid restoration of the gut ecosystem even within as little as a day to two days after the first infusion. So that was just dramatic compared to the probiotics and the spontaneous recovery group.

Chris Kresser:  Yes. And I've seen this in patients with C. diff who were on death's door, essentially, and couldn't even walk up a flight of stairs because they were so sick, who within a couple of days after an FMT are like running up the stairs and are well.

So it is pretty remarkable. When it works, it really works. And this aFMT, or autologous FMT, may even be better because it's, I think, Lucy, you may agree with this, what we’re beginning to understand is there's no one healthy microbiome. There's probably more like a fingerprint where each person has their own healthy microbiome. So it makes so much more sense to replace using your own stool than somebody else's.

Lucy Mailing: Yeah, definitely. There’s so much individual variability from person to person in the microbiome that I think this is a much, this is definitely the ideal choice is to use a sample from your prior, ideally healthy, self.

Chris Kresser:  Great. So what would you advise people now, given these results? I know this is just one study, or two studies, actually, but it seems to me that it was very well-designed. I’ve looked through it carefully and I know you have, and many have as well. And I’m certainly more reluctant to recommend probiotics after antibiotic use on this basis.

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah, I think in most cases, this suggests that probiotic use during or after antibiotics may not be worthwhile. I certainly think it has to be a cost–benefit analysis for each individual person. So someone who's in a hospitalized environment where they have a greater chance of acquiring C. diff is very different from someone taking antibiotics in an outpatient setting.

Chris Kresser:  Right.

Lucy Mailing:  And so I don't want to blanket statement we should never take probiotics during or after antibiotics, but I also think this definitely suggests that caution is warranted.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah, and I mean, another really key aspect of the scientific method is replication. So I really would love to see these results replicated by another research group, again, not because I think there was anything wrong with the way the study was done, but history is full of examples of really interesting findings that on the surface appeared to be totally credible and legitimate that failed to be replicated in subsequent studies.

So I hope that there are other research groups that are working on replicating these findings and that also we have research groups that are considering additional studies that would shed light on mechanisms and also maybe how these results would change if different antibiotics were used or if different probiotic preparations were used, etc.

Lucy Mailing:  Yeah. You and me both. I'm hopeful that those studies will come in the next few years as well, so that we can have more evidence to be able to give recommendations after antibiotics.

Chris Kresser:  Well, great. Thanks so much for joining me. This is, I think, going to be really enlightening for people, and I really appreciate you helping us to work through the studies. There's a lot of information there. A lot to unpack. And your article was fantastic, and I think this podcast will be helpful. So, Lucy, where can people find out more about your work?

Lucy Mailing:  So you can find me at NGmedicine.com or on Facebook or Instagram as NextGen Medicine. And I just wanted to say thanks for having me on. It’s been incredible working with you over the past few years, and it was your site originally that put me on this amazing career path and helped me heal my skin from healing my microbiome and my gut. So I certainly hope to continue to work together and expand our knowledge in this area.

Chris Kresser:  Absolutely. It's been a pleasure to have you on board, Lucy. I really appreciate your insight and your keen intellect and your willingness to dive deeply into the research and translate it in a way that people can understand. It’s so important to have that ability and that skill in today's world because as you and I both know, so much of what's reported in the media is just not really worth reading at this point when it comes to … I really miss those days where we had actual science journalists that were capable of reading a study with a critical eye and understanding it. Now, unfortunately, we just have, in most cases, there’s still a few good ones, but mostly it’s just pulling stuff off the wire and not really looking into it. Which is so confusing for people, right?

Lucy Mailing:  Right.

Chris Kresser:  It leads to an environment where people are just throwing up their hands and they feel like they've lost complete faith in public health recommendations. But I think now science literacy is increasing thanks to people like you who are out there translating your knowledge in ways that people can understand. And a more scientifically literate public is absolutely a good thing, with all the challenges that we’re facing. So thank you for your important work.

Lucy Mailing:  Thank you, and absolutely, your blog is doing the same, increasing scientific literacy.

Chris Kresser:  Okay, everybody, thanks for listening. I hope this was helpful. Continue to send us your questions at ChrisKresser.com/podcastquestion, and we’ll talk to you next time.

The post RHR: What the Latest Research Says about Probiotics, with Lucy Mailing appeared first on Chris Kresser.

Source: http://chriskresser.com November 14, 2018 at 11:57PM

[nutrawins]

Tim: Blackbird is a supply chain company that operates in the cannabis space. With COVID-19 leaving many at home, the cannabis delivery business is booming. Every Monday, look for a fresh new episode where I'll take you behind the scenes and interview the insiders that are shaping the rapidly evolving cannabis industry.

Tim's advice for cannabis companies trying to navigate COVID-19. With COVID-19 keeping people at home, cannabis delivery is booming. What are the five disruptive trends that will impact the cannabis industry in the next five years?

Matthew: What's the most interesting thing going on in the cannabis field, apart from what you're doing in Arcview? I Pure Greens Lab CBD Oil the black market or illicit market would be diminished dramatically because if you could go to your local store and buy cannabis with showing your ID like you do alcohol, I don't know about you, but I don't really buy alcohol on the street anymore. We're coming out with our new intelligent report, which is the State of the Legal Cannabis Market.

I think her business model is right on, and I think that she's going to be very successful not just now but as this new paradigm of cannabis consumption happens. We are going to see a permanent shift in our cannabis consumers and how they're going to want to have product delivered. I say this every time I talk to anyone about getting into the cannabis space or investing in general, don't go it alone because you have your experience, you have your life experience, your investing experience, and you're bringing, to the table, that.

I think a couple of years ago, it was hard for investors, especially, I would say, sophisticated investors who'd been in other industries, to jump into cannabis because it was a two-week turnaround, no due diligence or very little, nothing to really go on. It's still an illegal market, federally. With a 10-year history in managing pain and now doing that with cannabis, it was remarkable. I started going to events and meeting folks, then I had this harebrained idea that I wanted to start a company, which I'd done before in my past, and I'll talk about that in a second, but I started a company called MyJane, and it's a company focused on women and getting more women into the cannabis space as consumers.

Probably what you hear from a lot of guests on your show, jumping into cannabis was a little bit of serendipity for me, but my journey actually with Arcview is a little bit of a poster-child situation. The Arcview Group is the leading private investment network and market research firm focused on connecting high-net-worth individuals, institutional investors, and money managers with investment opportunities in the cannabis space. Every Monday, look for a fresh, new episode where I'll take you behind the scenes and interview the insiders that are shaping the rapidly evolving cannabis industry.

Important takeaways from Arcview's recent data reports on the size and dynamics of the cannabis market. An inside look at Arcview and its mission to forge a principled and profitable industry from the ashes of cannabis prohibition. Here to tell us is Kimberly Kovacs of The Arcview Group, the leading private investment network and market research firm in the cannabis space.

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[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/karmic-tools-weekly-forecast-december-8-14-2019/

Karmic Tools Weekly Forecast: December 8 – 14, 2019

Karmic Tools Weekly Forecast: December 8 – 14, 2019

By Kelly M. Beard

The video version of this forecast, as read by Kelly, is available here.

The Karmic Tools Weekly Forecast covers the current planetary transits which affect people in different ways and to various degrees of intensity. Take notice when it is a Personal planet (Sun / Moon / Mercury / Venus / Mars) interacting with a Social (Jupiter/Saturn) or Collective planet (Uranus / Neptune/Pluto). And pay extremely close attention when it is a Social planet interacting with a Collective planet because that means something *big* is brewing that will move large groups of people along their evolutionary paths. Tuning in to the energy and rhythm of the planets can serve as a useful *guide* as you move along your Individual Path. It also helps to understand your place within the context of the larger Social & Collective Story. Below, you will find out how these energies tend to manifest, as well as guidance and direction. 

*NOTE*  There are some days when there are NO CONTACTS (besides the Moon), please note that there are no missing entries, we just list the actual Activations of each week + the day they happen.

Weekly Forecast: December 8 – 14, 2019

12/8 ~ Sun (core essential Self) ~square~ Neptune (illusions & delusions):

This activation can cause some self-doubt, self-delusion and an overall confusion that seems to be sourced within or, at least, self-directed. It’s only temporary, this is just the Universe’s way of slowing you down so you can see where your goals may have been unrealistic or based on flights of fancy. If your energy is low and you’re feeling challenged to see the bright side of things, it is better to just time-out, rest & replenish (if possible) and most of all, do not initiate any grand plans as you are not really seeing things as they truly are at this time. Luckily, this is a pretty short-lived activation.

12/8 ~ Venus (essence & natural beauty) ~sextile~ Neptune (consciousness & vision):

This energy connects your true values & priorities to the planet of dreams, mysticism & other dimensions (Neptune). You have an opportunity to gain some traction on making your vision tangible just by connecting to the essence you want to experience. Feel the feeling and that will lead to the physical manifestation. This energy helps you believe in what is possible and supports any artistic expression or active practice, such as vision boards, affirmations etc, anything that helps you hone the actual vision. Steps & strategies are for other planets, Venus only cares about the essence of nature & love and Neptune is definitely not who you’d work with for ‘steps/strategies’ ; -) Tune in to the natural beauty around you and suspend any usual inner dialogue for a day or two (as soon as you can) so you can connect to some inspiration guided by your own Heart & Soul (from the inside-out).

12/9 ~ Mercury Enters SAG:

Woo-hoo! We’re out of the Zone! Also, the beauty of it moving through Sag now until Dec 28th, is that it will totally support you processing & assessing the past year so you can prepare for 2020 better! I love it! You are supported to believe something completely NEW and dream a little BIGGER than you usually allow yourself to dream. Expand the vision, for your Self, for your life and for the planet.

12/11 ~ Venus (values & priorities) ~conjunct~ Saturn (responsibility & structure):3 of 3 times in Capricorn: (12.25.2017 ~ 2.18.2019 ~ 12.11.2019)

This is a powerful initiation, when you can infuse your current reality with more beauty & true value, as well as anchor a renewed sense of your own Inner Authority. This is your life, and it is way too short to be living someone else’s values or priorities. This energy supports you entirely, for renewing your commitment & dedication to that which is most important to your Heart & SoulSelf. Saturn lends fortitude, strength & resolve to the current process of pruning the non-essential, plugging energy-leaks and protecting what you love. If you define what you truly love & value, (re)commit and channel this considerable power & energy, then you will find that all you need, desire & deserve can manifest, take root & grow ~ with ease, grace & beauty! Venus rules our relationships, often a Saturn contact pushes us to face the reality, and renegotiate the relationship so that both parties can commit with integrity, and at a new level where everyone knows their roles & responsibilities.

*Saturn in Capricorn (2018-2020) gives support for stabilizing the fundamentals in your life: home/work or personal/professional and self/other or individual/relationship. Saturn rules Capricorn and is strongest in this placement. It has been traveling through your Capricorn House, integrating balance in your Cancer House and testing your Aries/Libra Houses to grow – out of comfort zone and into new territory. Last time we got a Reality Check like this one was the late-1980’s so this is a potent time to let go of anything unstable and all used up so you can create a whole new foundation for living. Saturn rewards hard work, dedication and being responsible for your Self and all that you contribute to the planet and even moreso in its home sign, like now. Take advantage of this couple of years to take a serious look at your personal values & priorities and how they contribute to the greater whole, for better or worse.

12/12 ~ GEMINI Full Moon:

Sag-time always launches the research & development process of the year, during November & December). This is when you reflect on the last year of your life and determine what it all really “means”.

Sag energy (New Moon=11/26) helps you intuit deeper meaning and develop a Story & Belief System that you, personally, can live with integrity. This is when we plant seeds of living a more authentic, vital & honest life. It is also the time when I give everyone permission to dream BIG – stretch beyond your normal limitations and expand the vision for your life.

Pisces energy (First Qtr Moon=12/4) helps you process what’s going on in your life through the filter of the emotions & intuitions that you are feeling at this time. You may ask questions that help you discern what’s really happening versus what you see through any kind of rose-colored glasses. First Qtr brings the first step on our New Moon intentions so in this case, you should follow your intuition because Spirit’s communication is always more subtle than literal. So I also recommend prayer, reverence in Nature, intentional solitude to hear the Angels & Ancestors wanting to speak to and through you at this time.

Gemini energy (Full Moon=12/12) helps you process the facts & information revealed. This is good for reviewing options, opportunities & other ways to decide on the best “way” for you personally. The Full Moon always illuminates an area in need of attention. Sometimes with Gemini it is simply making up our mind and making a decision or getting congruent instead of being pulled in too many directions.

Virgo energy (Last Qtr Moon=12/18) helps you sort, sift, release & integrate what is REAL for you personally and what is real for your body & daily reality that you have to navigate on a regular basis, in real time. We’re still processing, but not the “idea” of what’s happening in your life at this time, but more like how much your physical body and nervous system etc can actually handle and process in a 24-hour period.

Ultimately, after all that processing, we can then go forward and make better decisions based on what we believe to be true or possible – for ourselves or each other. That will help you really get the MOST out of this year’s extra potent Capricorn energy. Remember, Jupiter just got there to shower us with a year’s worth of blessings & expansion in our Capricorn departments! I love the way Saturn & Pluto helped us dig up in what needs renewal on every single level, and now Jupiter is coming through to inspire the new vision for a new foundation that we’ve only dreamed was possible … until now!

We are on the other side of deep, sometimes dark but always creative Scorpio, and we must sort through to see what ‘buried treasure‘ has come back up to the surface of our conscious awareness. If I remember correctly, the only way to even get diamonds is to blast a volcano or opening in the Earth and hope the chunks of rock that fly out from the core, are diamonds. My point is – the STRONGEST/BEST part of us is deep within and only through rare and often intense processes do we get to bring it out and share it with the world in a way that enriches everyone.

This Gemini Full Moon (12/12) supports a major data-dump! We are releasing a DECADE of old thinking, old ideas, old paradigms, old thought patterns and most of all, old ways of *communicating* ~ on multiple levels. It is a delicious opportunity to change your thinking in a fundamental way, which will shift the Path you are on. As we release debilitating mental patterns with this Full Moon, we move to the Virgo Last Qtr Moon (12/18), and we get to work on the acceptance of whatever is not working. Let go and trust! that you are creating a cleaner space for a more efficient aspect of your Being to emerge. If it doesn’t serve some kind of actual function, it has to go, which clears space for something more useful & relevant to support you in real time.

Theoretically, you used the Sag New Moon (11/26) to initiate your New Truth & Story, or at least do the outline (it’s definitely not too late to set some intentions right now ; -))

Mercury is finally out of the Retrograde Zone and has moved into Sagittarius (Dec 9-28), so that should help too, help acknowledge that which is no longer true and bless it for supporting you when it was. Look around for ways to expand your consciousness and learn something completely new and get excited about it. Let’s not look at learning how to live at this higher frequency as drudgery but as the Garden it really is. The work that goes in to creating and sustaining a garden is hard, but totally worth it too! You get to experience both food & beauty, that IS wealth, my friends.

It is also the month of gratitude, both for the various cultural celebrations and because we get to count our blessings and contemplate how very wealthy we are. We are doubly-blessed as Jupiter has just spent a whole year in its home Sign of Sag and has moved into Capricorn (12/2) for a once-in-12-year stretch! What do you remember about your consciousness expanding and a new Truth & Story emerging to change your world back in 2007-2008-2009? What was true then, that is not true now? What is true now, that was not true back then? Jupiter is a benefactor and is known for bringing blessings. The Shadow Nature of Jupiter is to making things bigger, being too focused on the ‘big picture’ that you miss crucial details right under your nose and believing things that may not actually be true. It’s the ‘when they seem too good to be true, they usually are’ kind of energy.

Additionally, this is a great lunation to set intentions for your Gemini/Sag departments of life (House in your chart) because 6-months from now, we begin another eclipse cycle here which means change is on its way either way so you may as well co-create with the energies available. I suggest some meditation on your dream or vision for your life. What have you learned in the last 3-6-9-12-years that you can apply now to support yourself and your community, going forward?

We have crossed a bridge that has disintegrated behind us ~ we didn’t burn it, there is nothing ‘bad’ back there, there is actually nothing back there at all. So this is the time to focus forward and really decide what the Story of your life is saying to your friends, family, community and the Universe. There are so many planetary alignments & global cycles during this time, anything you can do on your personal/individual level is, without a doubt, contributing to the larger story of Mother Earth but even more importantly, Her evolution is contributing to how your life story unfolds. This lunation supports changing our individual *Conceptions & Perceptions* in radical ways. What are you *Conceiving & Perceiving*? It is an incredible time to be awake, alive & participating!

12/12 ~ Chiron Direct in ARIES:

Last year, Chiron took its last dip into Pisces for 50-years so for those of you born 1960-1968, you have now completed a very deep healing process, while those born 1968-1977 are being initiated right now. This 2019 retrograde is its first full retrograde in Aries and so we have all been put on notice, especially those with this placement. We can all consciously honor the healing, education & personal transformation that Chiron facilitates. Pisces taught us about sensitivity & boundary issues, being a spirit in human form. Now, in Aries, we are opening up to the new directive of self-healing, self-assembling & self-mastery going forward. Chiron is best known as the Wounded Healer, the aspect of Self that came in with a wound to address this lifetime and in your chart, it represents your *Healing & Educational Path* – it is all that you learn on the journey to wholeness & integration and the healing & education that results from that journey. As it goes Direct today, this 5-month period should have revealed where you’re at in your own process of evolution. This whole year has been deeply supported for a personal inventory or inner review. You have to be willing to face the fears & hurts, accept the losses & defeats, and then get up, dust yourself off & try again. Chiron can help guide this process. It’s time to be brave & pioneering (clearly, the old ways no longer work), it’s time to follow our instincts (though first we may have to connect to them properly), it’s time to face challenges head-on, and remember that though we have to do for Self (be self-sufficient & self-contained), we do not have to do it alone. So this time is really going to support the evolution of the individual within the context of the community or their relationships. It is all connected, if one evolves (Self), the other (Relationship) has to evolve too (or dissolve & go away).

12/13 ~ Mars (desires & actions) ~trine~ Neptune (dreams & visions):

This energy is good for spiritual exploration, digging deeper into your place in the Cosmos and in relation to others. Your energy is best turned inward, as you find just how much who you are and what you want has actually changed over recent years and using this energy to infuse more depth into your heart’s desires. By infusing your dreams & visions for your Self, you naturally bless Others & the Universe. You may feel inclined to help others, but always balance that drive with some objectivity (are those you’re helping just as dedicated as you are to the common cause?) This is a very laid back energy that allows you time to take effective action on behalf of your dreams and spiritual growth, more than outward action or specific steps. Enjoy it!

12/13 ~ Venus (love, finances & relationships) ~conjunct~ Pluto (purification & transformation):

This is an initiation and an energy that supports a brand new beginning in your personal life. Some aspect of your values & priorities has shifted or run its natural course and this is a time to move in a completely new direction, even if it only feels like moving to your own next level (with love, finances or relationships). Pluto adds intensity to the mix, for better or worse, but also grants rare access to profound levels of connection within and with those you are in alignment with on a Soul-level. This is the ultimate support for the power of love to transform ALL. Because your values and priorities are changing, relationships must also undergo a similar adjustment (when you change, everyone around you changes or goes away). Beware of value differences that can cause power struggles which are not productive, that’s ego distracting you from the opportunity to release some dead weight and move into the new with more ease & grace. Try to create circumstances that are win/win and mutually beneficial, this will allow the relationship to evolve, rather than devolve or revolve back into the new cycle and thus, repeating a negative pattern.

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[airlock]

so, I have a bunch of headcanons about the history of Pokémon training and I've been wanting to have them all in one absurdly immense text post, which is what I'm doing right now but you can come along for the ride if you want

(note: sometimes I take ideas from the anime or other secondary sources but the only actual canon for me is the games, and even then sometimes with a pinch of salt because the games aren't always trying to show you the whole picture -- so yeah, I'm not remotely worried about contradicting anime canon and whatnot)

It's well-established people bonding with Pokémon goes a long way back in the Pokémon world, but the jump from regular husbandry (and/or attempting to control the living doomsday artifact) to Pokémon Training as we know it -- that'd be something a lot more recent.

Where bonding with Pokémon was originally done mostly for utility or simple compassion, a more competitive aspect would come into being over the course of modern urbanization. Folks living in cities sometimes got to have Pokémon as pets, and eventually, training your Pokémon to be stronger than others became something of a refined hobby -- although this wasn't any sort of formalized competition yet; it was more in the sense that having a Growlithe that can beat up the neighbor's Meowth is a point of pride akin to having a greener lawn than your neighbor's (or, perhaps, revenge on your neighbor for having a greener lawn than yours). It was, therefore, a very simple and casual hobby, indulged more as conspicuous consumption than anything. The shift in this paradigm would come from two important milestones in technology: the advancement of telecommunications, and the mass production of Pokéballs.

Before we get too far into it, it's probably a good time to clarify where I am with headcanoning Pokéballs: I don't think of them as the cozy lotus-eater machines that some people like to envision them as, or as a stasis deal either. I think of them as being very convenient, but ultimately temporary transportation. Sure, in the games, it seems as if you don't ever let Pokémon out of their Pokéballs unless they're in battle -- but you also never eat and only sleep on a few rare occasions, so it's obvious that the games just don't distract you from your adventure with all the logistic complications. I imagine that, in practice, a Pokémon trainer will have their team in Pokéballs while on the move, but when night falls and it's time to find lodging in the city or set up camp in the wild, the Pokémon are let out for leisure and rest.

(This, incidentally, would be why you don't take more than 6 Pokémon with you at a time, and even most trainers you find in the wild don't have that many with them -- the more Pokémon you're carrying around, the more travel complications you're taking on. This is also why trainers generally focus on a few select types of Pokémon, even if there's seldom any competitive advantages to doing so -- the less diverse your team, the less specific accomodations you have to worry about. Sure, your player character in each game never seems to have trouble traveling with a wildly diverse, full team of 6; that'd be because your player character in each game is just talented enough to do all that and aim for the championship and make it all look easy. That's why everyone thinks the player characters are so amazing.)

Back to the historical line, though: first, we have the matter of telecommunications. As these improved, everyone's neighborhoods became bigger -- you may have a Growlithe that can beat up your neighbor's Meowth, but your friend who moved to Hoenn now tells you about the Kirlia in his neighborhood that no one can beat. Then came the mass-produced Pokéball. It maybe the case that handmade apricorn balls were already extant for many years before, but they were regarded as more a tool for professional Pokémon breeders or agricultural handlers; mass production and mass marketing made a difference here in that it expanded the number of people who could become trainers. Where having acquiring a Pokémon in the first place was expensive and keeping one out there at all times cost time and money even without ever really taking it out of the house, the day when cheap Pokéballs hit your supermarket shelves was the day when anyone, young or old, rich or poor, could get themselves a Pokémon. It's also from this point onwards that Pokémon trainers have a huge incentive to traveling about: the primary means of acquiring Pokémon is now getting out there and catching them yourself, now that catching and breeding Pokémon are activities that no longer require an entire phd.

This breakthrough is also the birth of the Pokémon Trainer as something much closer to what we know and love today. The household owner trying to one-up their neighbor doesn't really have so much free time as to drop everything and go on a Pokémon journey, but younger people do, and now they will -- both to capture Pokémon in the wild and because, as telecommunications further develop, such cultural figures as the penpal and the fanclub start taking root, and alongside these, the Pokémon training scene starts to develop, such that your opponent is now no longer your pesky neighbor, but rather, another passionate traveler, someone who you might otherwise not have met in your hometown.

Of course, since we're not talking internet levels of telecommunication yet, these developing Pokémon trainer scenes still have a significant local component; it may no longer be confined to each trainer's hometown, but a trainer from Kanto will still generally be traveling in Kanto and meeting with other trainers from Kanto; scenes now form on a regional level. This is, furhtermore, somewhat the ugly period of modern Pokémon training; there are no established rules, whether to protect the safety of the battling Pokémon or of... everyone else nearby; grievous injury and even death aren't unheard of, and Pokémon training has something of a poor reputation, at best being regarded as an extreme sport (like, say, motocross) and at worst being criminalized. Which wasn't entirely unfair, since criminal factions did sometimes branch into the Pokémon training scenes of the world, often in the same way they do for, say, casinos -- after all, it's around this time that money changing hands as a result of Pokémon battles started becoming a tradition (never an ironbound rule, per se, but battling with money on the line got to become necessary if you expected to be taken seriously as a trainer).

Criminals weren't the only ones who saw all the money changing hands; the major success of Pokéballs also spurred many enterpreneurs to invest in the Pokémon training scenes. Major cities started to flourish with lodges specifically for traveling trainers -- which would come to be known as Pokémon Centers. It also became common for these lodges to provide services in caring for trainer's Pokémon, cleaning and feeding them and providing first aid for battle injuries; current Pokémon Centers still do this -- and no, as far as my headcanon is concerned, they're not free Pokémon hospitals; they're more school infirmary than hospital, in that they're equipped to deal with a range of minor and expected ailments, but anything more serious would get transferred to an actual hospital (which may or may not also be free, depends on where you are and when really). This is also where Poké Marts get their start, as shops specifically for Pokémon journeying supplies.

With time and investment, the Pokémon training scenes continued to complexify -- and along the endless march of telecommunications, the ideas birthed within the most influential scenes would spread far and wide, with more or less resistance. A significant example is the figure of the Champion; meeting up and battling was good enough for a while, but then trainers started asking themselves a question that would change everything: who is, in fact, the best trainer of them all? That trainer would be called Champion. The rules for determining a Champion, however -- what made somebody one, or what made the title change hands -- were seldom formalized to any extent, and were thus subject to a lot of regional traditions, some more byzantine than others, as well as rapid changes over time.

In some scenes, all it took to become Champion was defeating the Champion, but the Champion had no obligation to make themself freely available to be challenged; it was, in fact, in their best interest to be challenged as infrequently as possible, if they cared to hang onto the title. Furthermore, if they could freely accept or refuse challenges, then they could choose to only accept challenges in specific times and places, where their Pokémon would have the advantage. Some Champions even started to gather loyal trainers around themselves and stipulate that they'd only accept challenges from someone who can defeat all of their underlings -- and naturally, the challenger was at a disadvantage, their team being exhausted from many battles when the Champion's was fresh and rested. Of course, a Champion taking these stipulations too far would be questioned and, ultimately, disregarded; it was more a matter of finding out just how many restrictions on challenges one could get away with. Additionally, challengers vying for the Championship -- now often known as "elite trainers" -- started joining in the subterfuge; many of them gathered underlings of their own and attempted to impose restrictions of their own on challenges issued to Champions. Prestige and reputation thus made and broke Champions as well as Champion-candidates, and thus, the elite trainers of the world vied to establish these in any way they could figure how to.

With the passage of time, modern Pokémon training started to span multiple generations, and some people found themselves growing too old to keep up with the whole buzz. They instead looked to take in young apprentices, shaping them into trainers capable both in battle and in the intricate cultural play invovled in tackling the scene and reaching for the Championship. Methods for this mentorship were incredibly diverse, ranging from reasonable to bizarre; ultimately, these were codified and solidified in the image of the Gym Leader, who taught at in a specific sedentary location, called a Gym, and usually offered wisdom specifically on the kind of Pokémon that they'd been using in their training days. Note that, at this point, Gyms come into being as a result of individual initiative, so there's no expectations for each region having a certain amount of Gyms, or each city having only one Gym, or even of Gyms giving out Badges -- although it did become common for Gyms to provide some certification for trainers, since Gym Leaders were often trainers of great reputation or even former Champions in their time, so having proof of training under a respected trainer (and, eventually, multiple of them) also became instrumental to the prestige needed for Championship.

Trainerdom may have developed this complex culture, but being the most respected Champion would still net one little respect from society as a whole, since Pokémon training still had a poor reputation. Trainers started wanting to change this -- and when a few influential Champions started catching this attitude, it quickly spread to other scenes, either through their own Champions adopting them to add prestige to their title, or through Champion-hopefuls adopting them to one-up the present Champions. There may also have been a strong sentiment of sticking it to The Man and keeping the scene underground, which many Champions and elite trainers also tried to twist for prestige, but the idea of integration won out in the long run, and as it made its strides, ideas started appearing on what needed to change within the scenes to make them respected. This usually entailed rules. Champions started holding themselves responsible for establishing and upholding specific, formal rules on such subjects as what's required for Championship to change hands, or on what you're not allowed to do in terms of inflicting injury and property damage on all and sundry.

Still, the dispute of "we should have rules and get respect from regular people" vs. "we should keep doing exactly what we're doing now and not care about the Normies" wasn't fought only between Champions and Champion-hopefuls of the world; it spread out until it was a matter where every Trainer had to take a side, and each side turned into a faction, and each faction often resolved into a formal association. The associations of pro-integration trainers came to be known as Pokémon Leagues, and regional Leagues often turned into even brands of some sort. Thus, rules turned even more specific, as they needed not only to effectively make the training scenes more respectable, but also needed to be catchy. A format emerged and became popular: to become a Champion, one had to be approved by eight League-appointed Gyms, then defeat four League-appointed Elite trainers (or, as it were, an Elite Four), and then, finally, defeat the current Champion -- thus, many of the traditions of old were now crystalized in the form of tradition for tradition's sake. Society as a whole responded to this as expected, because they couldn't be made to understand the intricacies of who's pro or against integration, but they could generally expect that eight Gyms, four Elites, one Champion also meant no more unregulated Earthquakes within city limits. Thus, society as a whole approved of the format, causing all of the simpler scenes to resolve into it. The bigger, more complex ones clinged to a few local traditions for longer, but it was inevitable that some sort of Pokémon League would be established everywhere, and with time, even those quirky local traditions would fade.

To make all of this less abstract, a good example would be to look to Kanto, one of the oldest, most traditional and complex regional scenes in the world, and also one where the actual canon provides many quirky details that can be interpreted as holdovers. For example, Kanto also lacked a distinct Elite Four and Champion, instead having a Champion within the Elite Four, until Blue's brief reign. There's also the matter of eight gyms per region, one per city not being a very natural stipulation -- on the one hand, major urban centres like Saffron had issues with the many local Gyms having to compete until one would be appointed as the official League Gym, a conflict that notably climaxed with Sabrina and the Psychic-type trainers whupping their Fighting-type using neighbors; on the other hand, most regions did not have eight major urban centres, so more remote locations saw Gyms hastily being established from the top downwards rather than organically, and Gym Leadership being handed over not to veteran mentors but to whoever's closest by that can train Pokémon decently, which is how, say, 15-year-old Brock became Gym Leader of Pewter City just by being one of the few trainers in the area that took the hobby seriously. This also notoriously caused some Gyms to be much harder to gain the approval of than others -- and this, too, turned into a tradition enforced by regulation, as Pokémon Leagues took to deliberately encouraging their Gym challenges to vary in difficulty in order to instill steady progression for trainers.

The state of Pokémon training as we see in the games is a vastly peaceful one, compared to the rest of the history -- clear rules for becoming Champion make the politics of the process obsolete and enable anyone with the requisite skill to try for the kingdom; further, the spread of Gyms as a stepping stone to Championship also gave trainers without the skill for Championship something to aim for, further turning the scenes diverse and welcoming; Pokémon training is also now legal almost anywhere in the world, with Pokémon Leagues having taken root in most scenes and ever continuing to spread, which usually ensures that battles are safe and fair anywhere they're waged. Still, Pokémon Leagues can't possibly monopolize Pokémon training; there's generally a cultural enforcement of League rules, but unregulated battles simply moved away -- in fact, Battle Frontiers and similar facilities are usually alternatives to Pokémon Leagues, established far away from the urban centres where traditional scenes and thus Leagues formed. With these changes, Pokémon training is viewed in a much more positive light, to the point that it's often expected that young people will dabble in it in their time -- although nonetheless, it remains mostly a hobby that can't really sustain itself, hence it being common for Gym Leaders and even Champions to be people who work regular jobs as well. Regardless, holding an official League position is a source of reputable status; it probably won't help you run for the presidency (and oh, yeah, I have no idea why it's such a common headcanon that Pokémon Leagues are the actual administrative bodies of the Pokémon World), but making it to Championhood often brings pride to your hometown in the same sense as, say, becoming a famous soccer player does.

This isn't to say the Pokémon training scene isn't still in flux as we go through the games, though. From Kanto and Hoenn to Johto and Sinnoh alone we see a lot of changes, such as the aforementioned situation where differences in Gym Leader skill start being enforced rather than accidentally caused (note how Johto and Sinnoh have a lot more young Gym Leaders than Kanto and Hoenn). By the time of Black/White we also see an Elite Four where you can challenge the trainers at whichever order you choose, instead of having a preset order, which also happens in Kalos and the fledgling new League in Alola; this would be a new idea that then spread out to many other leagues, but didn't seem to be around when we were going through Sinnoh and earlier. There's also the PWT in Black 2/White 2 -- prestiged trainers from many different regions being called to a friendly international competition, like some sort of Olympic tradition is starting to surface now that telecommunications reached the insane level they're at by that point. These are small changes overall, but there's nothing to say that the paradigm can't shift even more starkly -- after all, maybe Alola will be the League to prove that a valid League can be run without strictly parroting the 8-badge Gym challenge. Which, itself, is only a sustainable stance in a zeitgeist where Pokémon training is generally accepted without the sheer need to perfomatically signal that it's being done under sane, reasonable regulations.

so yeah, was that a whole lot of overthinking or what

[quotespicture]

https://quoteswithpicture.com/find-your-calling-5-steps-to-discover-the-real-you/

Find Your Calling: 5 Steps To Discover The Real You

Find your calling, discover your life’s purpose; this idea of a “true calling” and the desire to find it seems like it’s becoming more and more prevalent.

As personal development becomes more popular, the idea of maintaining the status quo continues to lose support. This coincides with the growing number of people who are burnt out and in want of a life that feels better, inspires growth, and has a positive impact on the world.

To help you create a meaningful life, below you’ll find some simple ideas on how to find your calling.

Steps to Find Your Calling

Many of us get caught in believing that our true calling is going to lead to widespread recognition and a sizeable fortune. Although this may be true for a few of us it certainly isn’t guaranteed or required.

Some may be called to be the best sous chef in their town, others may find that organic gardening or working with kids is where they belong. All of these are equally as legitimate and valuable to the communities they serve – arguably even more so – than the work of a movie star or pop singer.

Keep this in mind as to not fool yourself into thinking that recognition and fame are needed for you to have found your calling. If those things show up as a side benefit then great, enjoy them and use them to the best of your ability to keep moving forward and increasing your impact. Just don’t mistake the outward image of success for having successfully found your calling.

The Japanese have a term for finding your true calling called Ikigai and derive it from the intersection of that which you love, that which you are good at, that which the world needs, and that which you can be paid for.

Finding this Ikigai is of great benefit to both the individual and the world at large. Just imagine what the world would look like if the majority of us were living at this intersection of passion, profession, vocation, and mission.

What would we value? How would we spend our time and energy? How would we deal with issues of poverty and pollution? I believe we would find creative, collaborative solutions because that is what the world needs, and it is what we’d want to contribute.

As intelligent and complex beings we have many needs and desires that drive our behavior. One of the strongest of these that often gets ignored is the desire for deep fulfillment. To know that what we’re doing matters and has a positive impact.

The experiences that can arise after determining what it is you were born to do can bring intense clarity, peace and a calm excitement that propels you forward.

The challenge today is that most of us haven’t had the chance to truly hear, let alone listen and respond to our true calling because our lives often don’t provide the context for that to happen. Our education systems largely exist to develop a workforce who will produce, sell and consume goods in order to fuel economic growth and expansion.

We are often fed uninteresting facts and expected to learn and behave in a standardized fashion – sit, read, be quiet, pay attention etc. – this can lead to us becoming stifled, overly self-conscious, and disconnected from our hearts’ desires. We focus on what we should do, rather than on discovering what we were born to do.

Fortunately, there are steps that anyone can take to help them find their true calling, here are a 5 that have worked for me.

Here are the 5 steps that can help you find your calling:

1.) Look Within

Start taking the time to look within yourself. Many of us are deathly afraid of spending time alone and without distraction. I believe this is because we often have an underlying feeling of fear that lingers beneath the surface of everyday life.

Deep down we know that if we shut out the world and look within we are bound to face our demons and confront the issues, traumas, and emotions we’ve kept locked up inside.

We lock away this pain as a means of survival when we lack proper tools and support, it’s adaptive and nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. However, there comes a time when one must journey within.

We then begin to wade through the mess of our internal world and hopefully, with enough time, perseverance, and self-love, emerge a stronger and more empowered version of ourselves.

A helpful attitude to cultivate when journeying inwards is that of playfulness. Be sure not to take this process too seriously, we’re only human, pain and ugliness are bound to come up and when we accept them –without judgement and self-loathing- we’re better able to learn from and take power over whatever it is that emerges.

There are many ways to do this inward discovery, I encourage you to play with the two below as a starting point.

2.) Start a Journal

An easy way to get started is to begin keeping a journal. Simply by placing thoughts to paper, we allow ourselves to process what has been backlogged, empty our minds, and bring clarity to how we’re experiencing life.

Don’t be worried about what you’re writing, simply write and let the words flow. If you get stuck, start to think about things that make you angry, or sad, or whatever emotion or experience is present in that moment.

You can try journaling when you wake up, before you go to bed, or whenever it makes sense and can be fit into your daily routines.

As you journal take the time to go back and read old entries, often times they can be very insightful for understanding our current circumstances and seeing how far we’ve come along our journey.

3.) Become the Observer

Another great way to look within is through the practice of mindfulness, meditation, and time spent alone in nature. In our modern, hyper-stimulated, non-stop world, quiet time and solitude are rare experiences that many of us are deficient in.

Making this kind of time a priority allows us to tune out the external distractions, cultivate awareness and witness how we’re feeling and thinking. It allows us to examine the choices we’re making each day. This awareness of choice is a seed that when nurtured and protected will help us in allowing our Ikigai to blossom.

When you begin to realize that you can shift your focus, you reclaim your power, you are free to imagine how things could be different. With this power, you are better equipped to find harmony within yourself and all of your relationships, both personal and professional.

Please note that I use “begin” when referring to realization because this is rarely a one-time event. True realization and the integration that follows can be a lengthy process.

The transitory nature of experience and our tendency to forget things, even things that at the time are so clear and paradigm shifting, sets us up to re-discover and re-learn the same lesson many times.

One way to help with remembering is to quickly write about or capture on audio or video the realization in the moment and then to read, watch or listen to it on a regular basis.

4.) Expand Your Knowledge Base

Read new books that you wouldn’t typically read. I’m assuming that if you’re reading this then you’re the type of person who still makes the times to read books, and for that, I salute you. Books give you a window into the world of someone else and are full of knowledge, wisdom and valuable insights.

If you’re more of an auditory learner, or constantly on the go, try listening to podcasts and audios from subjects that you’re curious to know more about.

Long form podcasts that allow for a wide range of topics to be discussed are my favorite. The Tim Ferriss Podcast, the Joe Rogan Experience and Tangentially Speaking are three worthwhile examples.

Podcasts have had an appreciable impact on the way I think about and live my life. These varied conversations have introduced me to concepts and possibilities that I never knew existed.

The power of Podcasting is that it allows you to spend time with people you would otherwise never be able to. The traditional alternative would be to read their books and blogs which although valuable are not as accessible to most of us as downloading an MP3 and listening as you go about your day.

To simply be present to the thoughts, stories, and insights of people who are more experienced in life is a true gift.

One other area worth looking at are the types of careers that other people have chosen and created for themselves to see what resonates with you. Try not to idealize those that stand out -to believe that life will be perfect if you could just be like that person- rather, accept that anything worth doing requires hard work and sacrifice. Your mission is to become the best version of yourself, not to try to be exactly like someone else.

5.) Don’t Rush

To Find your calling isn’t always straightforward, in fact, I would argue that for most of us it comes about through a seemingly “random” set of circumstances or challenges.

Many of us have come to know these “random” alignments of people, places, and events as synchronicities; and we believe that the more we live into our true calling, the more synchronistic life tends to be.

Some of us are lucky enough to have life-changing experiences that help reveal our true calling. Such was the case when my appendix ruptured at the age of 18, over the course of the following year of recovery it became crystal clear that I was no longer interested in Automotive Engineering Tech. – I had completed the first two years of the 4-year program with Honors – instead, it was holistic wellness and natural healing that I felt called to pursue.

I now have a large scar on my stomach that I carry with pride knowing that I faced my mortality and surrendered my will to something greater than myself. This is what has allowed me to become the person I am today and it’s a trend I see in many of us who appear to have found their true calling as evidenced by the kind of work they do and things they care about.

It has been both my toughest challenge and greatest blessing; could I have ever planned it that way? Not a chance.

Just remember to take your time, learn to discern what feels right in your heart, and don’t torture yourself when you feel like you’re failing…It is part of the process.

How will you find your calling?

In summary, I believe that we all have a purpose to discover, a calling to answer, an Ikigai to embrace, and it is the mysterious nature of how you find your calling that helps make life such a beautiful adventure.

Know that any journey worth taking is bound to have its fair share of peaks and valleys, the key is to keep moving forward, to trust that with perseverance, honesty, and contemplation you will end up walking the path that is yours and yours alone.

What steps have you taken to find your calling?  Do you have any other ideas on identifying your purpose? Feel free to share with us in the comment section below.

[paleorecipecookbook]

Two Reasons Conventional Medicine Will Never Solve Chronic Disease

Chronic disease is the biggest healthcare challenge we face today—by a long shot. Consider the following (scary) statistics:

One in two Americans now suffers from chronic disease, and one in four has multiple chronic conditions.

Chronic disease is responsible for seven of ten deaths each year.

The rate of chronic disease in kids more than doubled between 1994 and 2006.

84 percent of the $3.8 trillion we spend on healthcare in the United States each year goes toward treating chronic disease.

We’ve reached the point where chronic disease has become so common that we think it’s normal. But there’s a big difference between common and normal. Even in the United States, at the turn of the last century, the three major causes of death were all acute, infectious diseases: tuberculosis, typhoid, and pneumonia. You might argue that this is simply because our recent ancestors didn’t live long enough to acquire chronic diseases. But although it’s true that our average life expectancy has increased significantly over the past century, it’s also true that chronic diseases like heart disease, diabetes, and Alzheimer’s—which are now among the top causes of death in the United States—are rare in contemporary hunter–gatherers that have maintained their traditional diet and lifestyle.

How would you rate conventional medicine’s approach to chronic disease?

As a case in point, consider the Tsimané, a subsistence farmer and hunter–gatherer population in Bolivia. They eat meat, fish, fruit, vegetables, nuts and seeds, and some starchy plants. They walk an average of 17,000 steps (~8 miles) a day. They spend a lot of time outdoors, get plenty of sleep, and aren’t exposed to a lot of artificial light at night. In a recent study, researchers found that the prevalence of atherosclerosis was 80 percent lower in the Tsimané than in the United States. Nearly nine in ten Tsimané adults between the ages of 40 and 94 had clean arteries and faced virtually no risk of cardiovascular disease. What’s more, this study included elderly people—it was estimated that the average 80-year-old in the Tsimané group had the same vascular age as an American in his mid-50s. (1)

The consequences of chronic disease are profound

Chronic disease is not a small problem. It’s an insidious, slow-motion plague that is exploding through Western populations, shortening our lifespan, destroying our quality of life, bankrupting our country, and threatening the very survival of our species. The consequences for patients are painfully obvious. Consider the following:

Two-thirds of Americans are overweight, and one in three is obese. According to a recent report, half of Americans will be obese by 2030. (2)

The prevalence of autism spectrum disorder (ASD) more than doubled from 2000 to 2010—and not just because of increased rates of detection. (3)

Rates of autoimmune disease have doubled or tripled over the past 50 years (depending on which estimate you look at) and are expected to continue to rise sharply.

Over half of adults take prescription drugs, and 40 percent of the elderly take more than five medications. (4)

But it’s not just patients that are affected; doctors and healthcare professionals are also victims. For example:

90 percent of doctors feel medicine is on the wrong track.

83 percent of doctors have thought of quitting medicine.

Half of doctors describe themselves as either often or always feeling “burned out.”

In inflation-adjusted dollars, the average physician earns the same wage as she did in 1970 but sees twice the number of patients. (5, 6)

Above and beyond the effects of chronic disease on individual patients and healthcare professionals, the costs to society at large are enormous and potentially catastrophic:

Annual healthcare expenditures in the United States hit $3.8 trillion in 2013—more than $10,000 for every man, woman, and child and about 24 percent of our GDP.

If healthcare spending continues to rise at its current pace, the United States will be insolvent (bankrupt) by 2035.

Globally, spending on chronic disease is expected to reach $47 trillion by 2030, an amount greater than the GDP of the six largest economies in the world.

I think it’s pretty safe to say that chronic disease is literally bringing the world to its knees, and what we’ve been doing to address it isn’t working. But why?

Two reasons conventional medicine has failed to address chronic disease

There are many reasons conventional medicine has failed to address the chronic disease epidemic, but I’d like to focus on what I believe are the two most fundamental issues. #1: The wrong medical paradigm Conventional medicine evolved during a time when acute, infectious diseases were the leading causes of death. Most other problems that brought people to the doctor were also acute, like appendicitis or gall bladder attack. Treatment in these cases was relatively simple: the patient developed pneumonia, went to see the doctor, received an antibiotic (once they were invented), and either got well or died. One problem, one doctor, one treatment. Today things aren’t quite so simple. The average patient sees the doctor not for an acute problem, but for a chronic one (or in many cases, more than one chronic issue). Chronic diseases are difficult to manage, expensive to treat, require more than one doctor, and typically last a lifetime. They don’t lend themselves to the “one problem, one doctor, one treatment” approach of the past. Unfortunately, the application of the conventional medical paradigm to the modern problem of chronic disease has led to a system that emphasizes suppressing symptoms with drugs (and sometimes surgery), rather than addressing the underlying cause of the problem. For example, if you go to the doctor and find out you have high cholesterol and/or high blood pressure, you’ll be given a drug to lower them—and expected to take that drug for the rest of your life. There is rarely any serious investigation into why your cholesterol or blood pressure is high in the first place. If we consider health and disease on a spectrum, where perfect health is on the left and death is on the right, conventional medicine is focused on intervening at the far right of the spectrum. If I get hit by a bus, I definitely want to go to the hospital! Conventional medicine is also embracing new technologies to do some amazing things, like restoring sight to the blind, re-attaching limbs, and potentially fighting cancer with nanorobots. However, these approaches are not the best way to prevent and reverse chronic disease. Recent statistics suggest that more than 85 percent of chronic disease is caused by environmental factors like diet, behavior, environmental toxins, and lifestyle. (7) More specifically, chronic disease is the direct result of a mismatch between our genes and biology on the one hand and the modern environment on the other. I summarized the research supporting this argument in my first book, The Paleo Cure, and there are numerous examples everywhere we look. For instance, in 1980 only 1 percent of the Chinese population had diabetes. In just one generation, the incidence of diabetes rose by an astounding 1,160 percent! (8) What happened? Was there some kind of massive gene mutation in Chinese people over the past 30 years that caused an outbreak of diabetes? Of course not. Genetic changes take a lot longer than that to occur. Instead, during this period the Chinese shifted from a more traditional diet to a more industrialized, processed diet. The takeaway is clear: if we want to prevent and reverse chronic disease, we need a medical paradigm that:

Recognizes the mismatch between our genes and our behavior and environment as the primary driver of chronic disease; and

Focuses on preventing and reversing the underlying causes of disease, rather than just suppressing symptoms

#2 The wrong delivery model It’s not just our approach to chronic disease that is inadequate; our model for how care is delivered is also a huge problem. Why? For several reasons. First, it’s not structured to support the most important interventions. As I mentioned above, the primary causes of the chronic disease epidemic are not genetic, but behavioral. It boils down to people making the wrong choices about diet, physical activity, sleep, stress management, etc.—over and over again, throughout a lifetime. This makes it clear that one of the most important roles healthcare providers should play is supporting our patients in making positive behavior changes. Unfortunately, the conventional medical system makes this extremely difficult. The average patient visit with a primary care provider (PCP) lasts about 10 to 12 minutes, and the average PCP has about 2,500 patients on his roster. If a patient has multiple chronic conditions, is taking several medications, and presents with new symptoms, it is nearly impossible to provide quality care during that 10-minute visit. Once the initial intake and review of medications has taken place, there’s just barely enough time to prescribe a new drug for the new symptoms—and no time at all for a detailed discussion of diet and lifestyle factors that might be contributing. And since the PCP has 2,499 other patients and is already overworked, there’s no other time or place for that kind of discussion. Even if the provider does happen to make a diet or lifestyle suggestion as the patient is on her way out, will it be successful? It’s now widely accepted that knowledge is not enough to change behavior; we’ve all encountered crazy shrinks and divorced marriage counselors, right? The expectation is that if the PCP tells the patient to change her diet, she’ll just do it. But in reality, we know that rarely happens. Patients need a lot of additional support in order to make those changes successful and long-lasting. What’s more, if 95 percent of the appointment is spent talking about symptoms and medications and only the last 5 percent on potential diet and lifestyle causes and solutions—what do you think the patient will take more seriously? To truly address chronic disease, we need a different model of delivering care. Among other things, this model should:

Make possible and encourage longer visits with with patients, with more detailed intake and history and time for discussion and support. Ten- to 12-minute visits may be fine for prescribing drugs for symptoms, but they fall hopelessly short for actually addressing the cause of those symptoms.

Emphasize collaborative care, where the doctor works with the patient as a partner, rather than in the “expert” model that characterizes our current system. The patient also has access to a care team that includes nurse practitioners/physician assistants, nutritionists, health coaches, and other allied providers to provide another layer of care and more support between appointments.

Be both high-tech and high-touch, utilizing current technology and practices to streamline and automate cumbersome administrative processes and reduce overhead, both of which free up more time for practitioners to provide quality care to patients.

The future is already here The good news—both for patients and practitioners—is that this future has already arrived. The new model I’ve described above is one that hundreds of clinics across the country (including my own clinic, CCFM) have begun to implement. But as you might expect, there’s a lot more to this story. And that’s exactly why it’s the subject of my upcoming book, Unconventional Medicine: Join the Revolution to Reinvent Healthcare, Reverse Chronic Disease, and Create a Practice You Love. The book will go into more depth on why conventional medicine has failed to address the chronic disease epidemic. But more importantly, it outlines a solution that has the potential not only to prevent and reverse chronic disease, but also to reinvent the healthcare system in a way that satisfies the needs of both clinicians/practitioners and patients. Although the book is primarily written for those currently working or considering working in healthcare, it’s also intended for people in the general population who are interested in functional medicine, ancestral health (i.e., “genetically aligned, species-appropriate diet and lifestyle”), innovation, and even revolution in healthcare and playing some role—however small—in helping to co-create the future of medicine. We don’t have a firm release date yet, but the current plan is for a late-August or early-September launch. I’m really excited about it and I hope you are too! Now I’d like to hear from you. How would you rate conventional medicine’s approach to chronic disease? Have you had trouble finding the support you need for a chronic illness within the conventional paradigm? If you’re a practitioner working within this model, how has it served and not served you and your patients? Let me know in the comments section!

Source: http://chriskresser.com June 15, 2017 at 02:17AM

[asafeatherwould]

Did Divorce Get Renewed?

This is a question that is asked so many times. Yes, divorce can be renewed at some point in life. Separation of two people who were once in love is a bit difficult. Irrespective of the prevailing situations, rekindling your love is not rocket science. It can be done.

Anyone entering into marriage may not think that their marriage could one day dissolve. However, when the divorce happens, it prompts the individual to get into a reflection period.

You are forced to evaluate the whole scenario, take a step back and analyse the current adversity. Feeling the same way you felt the first time you met each other can still be in you. Despite your differences that chemistry in most cases still holds, the minute you see your spouse.

In the Bible, the plan of God was married people to stay together loving and cherishing each other for the rest of their life till death do them apart. Among the Christians, marriage is very crucial.

It is believed that God hates divorce and reconciliation is pleasing to Him. Normally what happens when a married couple reconciles, the devil shakes and attacking the marriage again becomes hard for him because you have proved him wrong.

However, there are acceptable situations where divorce is accepted in the Bible like adultery, abandonment and refusing your spouse his or her conjugal rights. Nevertheless, reconciliation should still be sought. There are so many reasons why the married couple would restore back their marriage even after the divorce. In this article I am going to share them with you.

Major reasons why couples would like to rekindle marriage after divorce

● After divorce, there is time for reflection, which dissipates anger.

It becomes easier to reflect on your relationship when you are away from it. Conflicts between couples tend to blindside the two individuals from having a sensible perception regarding their mate. When you separate, after some time you will realize your negative emotions are not as strong as they were when you were together. You will see the role you played in breaking up your family.

When you come back together, there will be a possibility for reconciliation since you’ll have acknowledged what you would have done in the first place to save your marriage.

● Distance makes one to appreciate your spouse’s worth

Sometimes couples may not realize the importance of the other person when they are together. After you separate, you will realize how much your spouse means to you and you will find your heart grow so fond of the person you once loved. You may not feel disconnected like you did when you were in the marriage.

● Your children could be unhappy with you divorcing

Kids are beautiful and they are a source of joy and happiness for couples. They make you think even when you don’t want to. Divorce upends the stability of your children’s world and it becomes very hard for them to bear the pain.

It affects their whole life from their social life, their relationship with others, at school, at home, activities, friendships, holidays, the standard of living and their future marriages. This will make the couple think twice and find themselves reconciling for the sake of their children welfare.

● When you realize that you are still unhappy

People tend to believe if you have been struggling with marriage and get out of it, you will find happiness. I cannot disagree. Maybe in very rare cases. Sometimes after a divorce, most people go through hell than when they were in the marriage.

Numerous research studies show that most divorced couples are unhappier compared to those in marriage. Furthermore, divorce is linked to increase in stress and depression.

● Decreased living standards after going through a divorce

Divorce is quite expensive especially when it comes to children’s custody. In most cases divorce stipulates that asset division is to be 50-50. The involved parties eventually experience financial crisis after the entire process. The most affected with finances are women compared to men after the divorce. Regaining your financial stability after the divorce process can be emotionally draining, thus some couples will opt to remain together to avoid such issues.

● Paradigm shift in one’s conduct

Sometimes a divorce can trigger behavioral change in an individual. This stems mainly from a sense of guilt and remorse. You start to contemplate that maybe your own misdemeanor could have cost you your marriage. You then make an intentional resolution to become a better individual by accepting your weaknesses and improving them. This in itself is a good thing because once you reconcile, your new relationship will become splendid.

You see yourself better than them and you think you cannot make mistakes. Well, a separation makes you evaluate your life and contemplate on what is important. You will admit your faults and work on how to reconcile with your partner. In other words, in order for reconciliation to occur, you must demonstrate a real change of behavior, actions, and attitude.

● Unrealistic expectations in marriage

This is one of the greatest factors which contribute to failed marriages. Couples enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations. In order for a couple to successfully reunite, a couple has to have realistic expectations for themselves, their spouse and the marriage in general.

It is better to start from nothing and work on building your marriage. Do not place any unrealistic goals on your partner. Such unrealistic expectations cause unhappiness and lack of satisfaction in marriage.

A second chance after a divorce?

A divorce brings out an array of emotions and feelings. It is also a tumultuous period in one’s life. You are prone to develop fear of the unknown, wondering if all is lost on that relationship or if there is any hope to salvage it.

Yes, there is hope. It is better to hang on to that thread of hope, rather than to throw in the towel. What matters is your determination and intentions. Become intentional towards rebuilding your relationship. Identify a solid purpose for your union and weed out any relationship spoilers that ruined your marriage in the first place. Try out the following guidelines as you seek to reconcile with your mate.

● Make contact with your ex-spouse as much as possible.

Talk to your partner as many time as possible just like it was when you first met. Allow yourself to feel better with them and give them a chance to prove their loyalty this time. Call, text or email to discuss the things that are important in his or her day.

Show interest in the things that your ex-spouse is involved in. Complement and express how much you’ve missed your ex-spouse. After some courting, you can then ask your ex-spouse on a first date. Treat this first date just as you would if you were going on it with someone you don’t know.

● Be a lifelong learner on how to excel in marriage

In this information era, you cannot lack the resources to educate yourself on how to become a homemaker. Make sure your separation time will teach you how to relate well with yourself and the people around you, so that when you two decide to come together, it won’t be a problem again. When dealing with your ex-spouse, learn ways to deal with upcoming problems.

This will save you from frustration. Learn to be more expressive and an active listener. If it reaches a point you have to compromise on a certain issue, you can do it for the sake of your marriage. This may actually surprise you.

You may find it working for you. If your partner felt unheard or under-appreciated, make a point to listen and appreciate more. Remember you are doing this for your own benefit. Do not do it because you want your spouse to be interested in you again, but rather do it because it is right for both of you.

● Be cautious and take your time

For people who were once in love, it is possible for them to get back together quickly, which can lead them to the very mistake they made the first time round. It is advisable to You better take baby steps, where you are slow but sure.

Take time to explore each other again. Don’t let any negative feelings to over shadow you because it will crush you down again. Take the steps in your relationship slowly and pay attention to exactly what will be happening.

Understand that this is a new beginning but it has history attached to it that needs consideration and resolution. Ignoring what happened in the past and only looking forward may seem like the best way to handle it, but it may end up surprising you later when you discover you still hold on to some of your old feelings.

● Iron out any issues in the marriage

Most divorces stem from poor or lack of communication skills among couples. Take the time to build on effective ways of communicating with your ex-spouse. This will build trust and in the long run, the two of you will be able to connect once again. Use that time to air out any issues in your relationship.

You don’t want to repeat the same patterns as you did in the marriage, or the new relationship will have the same ending as your first marriage did. Be open about what happened to cause the divorce and discuss it with an open mind and heart. Sometimes this can be difficult, but it is the right approach to your marriage.

● Be grateful for your spouse

Everyone feels great and loved when they realize that they are acknowledged for the little efforts they make. The good news is, it’s relatively easy to make the other person feel appreciated. Send a daily email or text thanking your spouse for picking up the laundry or watching the kids when you are away or sleeping.

Ask them about their day and listen. Tell them how great they look in their new suit or new haircut. These things might seem small, but that’s precisely why they’re meaningful.

Everyone wants to feel that what they do matters. Communicate what you feel about them that you love, do not assume they will know by your action. A word of mouth is much better than your actions.

● Stop focusing on the past. Focus on the future

The greatest mistake you will ever do is to keep reminding your spouse how much they failed you at some point in life. If you do that your marriage will be doomed and getting back to each other becomes more difficult. If your spouse has made amends for hurting you, learn to forgive and move on together in peace. This becomes easier for you to connect with them than you ever did before. Be committed to helping your renewed marriage work and focus on your future together.

● Ensure you are on the same page.

Marriage is a two way traffic. If you and your spouse feel connected to each other even after divorce, it’s better you work on your reconciliation. Make sure, first of all, that this is really what both of you want. Be sure that it isn’t just because you are lonely, or distant, or romanticizing the good parts of your marriage and ignoring the bad? Consider that if it didn’t work out last time, what will make it work out this time?

At the end of the day, it is only you who is able to know the reasons why you desire to rekindle your relationship. Always be true to who you are and take the next leap into the future. Re-evaluate your expectations Take a clear look at your expectations of marriage and whether they are realistic. See whether your motive is right about your marriage. Make very clear decision and know exactly what to expect from your partner otherwise, you will be hurt again.

Understand that no one is perfect including yourself. Once in a while mistakes will happen so better know how to handle them. If your spouse is not able to meet all your expectations, leave a room for adjustment.

● Attend family events together

Understand this event is not about you or your spouse’s marriage. It is for an external circumstance which you cannot avoid dealing with. Try to approach it in the most knowledgeable way ever.

Comfort one another in times of hardship and carry each other’s burdens as serious as you would do to yours. Attending a family event together would prove your love for each other to your people and it would change their mind set on what they think of your spouse.

Divorce Lawyer Free Consultation

When you need legal help with a divorce in Utah, please call Ascent Law LLC at (801) 676-5506. We want to help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Does It Matter Who Files For Divorce First In Utah?

What Is A Hardship Loan Modification?

Salt lake Bankruptcy Lawyer

Best West Valley City Utah Accident Lawyer

Utah DUI Defense

Can You Withdraw Money From a Deceased Person’s Account?

For updates on the novel corona virus, click here

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Source: https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/did-divorce-get-renewed/

[melissawalker01]

Did Divorce Get Renewed?

This is a question that is asked so many times. Yes, divorce can be renewed at some point in life. Separation of two people who were once in love is a bit difficult. Irrespective of the prevailing situations, rekindling your love is not rocket science. It can be done.

Anyone entering into marriage may not think that their marriage could one day dissolve. However, when the divorce happens, it prompts the individual to get into a reflection period.

You are forced to evaluate the whole scenario, take a step back and analyse the current adversity. Feeling the same way you felt the first time you met each other can still be in you. Despite your differences that chemistry in most cases still holds, the minute you see your spouse.

In the Bible, the plan of God was married people to stay together loving and cherishing each other for the rest of their life till death do them apart. Among the Christians, marriage is very crucial.

It is believed that God hates divorce and reconciliation is pleasing to Him. Normally what happens when a married couple reconciles, the devil shakes and attacking the marriage again becomes hard for him because you have proved him wrong.

However, there are acceptable situations where divorce is accepted in the Bible like adultery, abandonment and refusing your spouse his or her conjugal rights. Nevertheless, reconciliation should still be sought. There are so many reasons why the married couple would restore back their marriage even after the divorce. In this article I am going to share them with you.

Major reasons why couples would like to rekindle marriage after divorce

● After divorce, there is time for reflection, which dissipates anger.

It becomes easier to reflect on your relationship when you are away from it. Conflicts between couples tend to blindside the two individuals from having a sensible perception regarding their mate. When you separate, after some time you will realize your negative emotions are not as strong as they were when you were together. You will see the role you played in breaking up your family.

When you come back together, there will be a possibility for reconciliation since you’ll have acknowledged what you would have done in the first place to save your marriage.

● Distance makes one to appreciate your spouse’s worth

Sometimes couples may not realize the importance of the other person when they are together. After you separate, you will realize how much your spouse means to you and you will find your heart grow so fond of the person you once loved. You may not feel disconnected like you did when you were in the marriage.

● Your children could be unhappy with you divorcing

Kids are beautiful and they are a source of joy and happiness for couples. They make you think even when you don’t want to. Divorce upends the stability of your children’s world and it becomes very hard for them to bear the pain.

It affects their whole life from their social life, their relationship with others, at school, at home, activities, friendships, holidays, the standard of living and their future marriages. This will make the couple think twice and find themselves reconciling for the sake of their children welfare.

● When you realize that you are still unhappy

People tend to believe if you have been struggling with marriage and get out of it, you will find happiness. I cannot disagree. Maybe in very rare cases. Sometimes after a divorce, most people go through hell than when they were in the marriage.

Numerous research studies show that most divorced couples are unhappier compared to those in marriage. Furthermore, divorce is linked to increase in stress and depression.

● Decreased living standards after going through a divorce

Divorce is quite expensive especially when it comes to children’s custody. In most cases divorce stipulates that asset division is to be 50-50. The involved parties eventually experience financial crisis after the entire process. The most affected with finances are women compared to men after the divorce. Regaining your financial stability after the divorce process can be emotionally draining, thus some couples will opt to remain together to avoid such issues.

● Paradigm shift in one’s conduct

Sometimes a divorce can trigger behavioral change in an individual. This stems mainly from a sense of guilt and remorse. You start to contemplate that maybe your own misdemeanor could have cost you your marriage. You then make an intentional resolution to become a better individual by accepting your weaknesses and improving them. This in itself is a good thing because once you reconcile, your new relationship will become splendid.

You see yourself better than them and you think you cannot make mistakes. Well, a separation makes you evaluate your life and contemplate on what is important. You will admit your faults and work on how to reconcile with your partner. In other words, in order for reconciliation to occur, you must demonstrate a real change of behavior, actions, and attitude.

● Unrealistic expectations in marriage

This is one of the greatest factors which contribute to failed marriages. Couples enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations. In order for a couple to successfully reunite, a couple has to have realistic expectations for themselves, their spouse and the marriage in general.

It is better to start from nothing and work on building your marriage. Do not place any unrealistic goals on your partner. Such unrealistic expectations cause unhappiness and lack of satisfaction in marriage.

A second chance after a divorce?

A divorce brings out an array of emotions and feelings. It is also a tumultuous period in one’s life. You are prone to develop fear of the unknown, wondering if all is lost on that relationship or if there is any hope to salvage it.

Yes, there is hope. It is better to hang on to that thread of hope, rather than to throw in the towel. What matters is your determination and intentions. Become intentional towards rebuilding your relationship. Identify a solid purpose for your union and weed out any relationship spoilers that ruined your marriage in the first place. Try out the following guidelines as you seek to reconcile with your mate.

● Make contact with your ex-spouse as much as possible.

Talk to your partner as many time as possible just like it was when you first met. Allow yourself to feel better with them and give them a chance to prove their loyalty this time. Call, text or email to discuss the things that are important in his or her day.

Show interest in the things that your ex-spouse is involved in. Complement and express how much you’ve missed your ex-spouse. After some courting, you can then ask your ex-spouse on a first date. Treat this first date just as you would if you were going on it with someone you don’t know.

● Be a lifelong learner on how to excel in marriage

In this information era, you cannot lack the resources to educate yourself on how to become a homemaker. Make sure your separation time will teach you how to relate well with yourself and the people around you, so that when you two decide to come together, it won’t be a problem again. When dealing with your ex-spouse, learn ways to deal with upcoming problems.

This will save you from frustration. Learn to be more expressive and an active listener. If it reaches a point you have to compromise on a certain issue, you can do it for the sake of your marriage. This may actually surprise you.

You may find it working for you. If your partner felt unheard or under-appreciated, make a point to listen and appreciate more. Remember you are doing this for your own benefit. Do not do it because you want your spouse to be interested in you again, but rather do it because it is right for both of you.

● Be cautious and take your time

For people who were once in love, it is possible for them to get back together quickly, which can lead them to the very mistake they made the first time round. It is advisable to You better take baby steps, where you are slow but sure.

Take time to explore each other again. Don’t let any negative feelings to over shadow you because it will crush you down again. Take the steps in your relationship slowly and pay attention to exactly what will be happening.

Understand that this is a new beginning but it has history attached to it that needs consideration and resolution. Ignoring what happened in the past and only looking forward may seem like the best way to handle it, but it may end up surprising you later when you discover you still hold on to some of your old feelings.

● Iron out any issues in the marriage

Most divorces stem from poor or lack of communication skills among couples. Take the time to build on effective ways of communicating with your ex-spouse. This will build trust and in the long run, the two of you will be able to connect once again. Use that time to air out any issues in your relationship.

You don’t want to repeat the same patterns as you did in the marriage, or the new relationship will have the same ending as your first marriage did. Be open about what happened to cause the divorce and discuss it with an open mind and heart. Sometimes this can be difficult, but it is the right approach to your marriage.

● Be grateful for your spouse

Everyone feels great and loved when they realize that they are acknowledged for the little efforts they make. The good news is, it’s relatively easy to make the other person feel appreciated. Send a daily email or text thanking your spouse for picking up the laundry or watching the kids when you are away or sleeping.

Ask them about their day and listen. Tell them how great they look in their new suit or new haircut. These things might seem small, but that’s precisely why they’re meaningful.

Everyone wants to feel that what they do matters. Communicate what you feel about them that you love, do not assume they will know by your action. A word of mouth is much better than your actions.

● Stop focusing on the past. Focus on the future

The greatest mistake you will ever do is to keep reminding your spouse how much they failed you at some point in life. If you do that your marriage will be doomed and getting back to each other becomes more difficult. If your spouse has made amends for hurting you, learn to forgive and move on together in peace. This becomes easier for you to connect with them than you ever did before. Be committed to helping your renewed marriage work and focus on your future together.

● Ensure you are on the same page.

Marriage is a two way traffic. If you and your spouse feel connected to each other even after divorce, it’s better you work on your reconciliation. Make sure, first of all, that this is really what both of you want. Be sure that it isn’t just because you are lonely, or distant, or romanticizing the good parts of your marriage and ignoring the bad? Consider that if it didn’t work out last time, what will make it work out this time?

At the end of the day, it is only you who is able to know the reasons why you desire to rekindle your relationship. Always be true to who you are and take the next leap into the future. Re-evaluate your expectations Take a clear look at your expectations of marriage and whether they are realistic. See whether your motive is right about your marriage. Make very clear decision and know exactly what to expect from your partner otherwise, you will be hurt again.

Understand that no one is perfect including yourself. Once in a while mistakes will happen so better know how to handle them. If your spouse is not able to meet all your expectations, leave a room for adjustment.

● Attend family events together

Understand this event is not about you or your spouse’s marriage. It is for an external circumstance which you cannot avoid dealing with. Try to approach it in the most knowledgeable way ever.

Comfort one another in times of hardship and carry each other’s burdens as serious as you would do to yours. Attending a family event together would prove your love for each other to your people and it would change their mind set on what they think of your spouse.

Divorce Lawyer Free Consultation

When you need legal help with a divorce in Utah, please call Ascent Law LLC at (801) 676-5506. We want to help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Does It Matter Who Files For Divorce First In Utah?

What Is A Hardship Loan Modification?

Salt lake Bankruptcy Lawyer

Best West Valley City Utah Accident Lawyer

Utah DUI Defense

Can You Withdraw Money From a Deceased Person’s Account?

For updates on the novel corona virus, click here

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from Michael Anderson https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/did-divorce-get-renewed/ from Divorce Lawyer Nelson Farms Utah https://divorcelawyernelsonfarmsutah.tumblr.com/post/614193298935070720

[aretia]

Did Divorce Get Renewed?

This is a question that is asked so many times. Yes, divorce can be renewed at some point in life. Separation of two people who were once in love is a bit difficult. Irrespective of the prevailing situations, rekindling your love is not rocket science. It can be done.

Anyone entering into marriage may not think that their marriage could one day dissolve. However, when the divorce happens, it prompts the individual to get into a reflection period.

You are forced to evaluate the whole scenario, take a step back and analyse the current adversity. Feeling the same way you felt the first time you met each other can still be in you. Despite your differences that chemistry in most cases still holds, the minute you see your spouse.

In the Bible, the plan of God was married people to stay together loving and cherishing each other for the rest of their life till death do them apart. Among the Christians, marriage is very crucial.

It is believed that God hates divorce and reconciliation is pleasing to Him. Normally what happens when a married couple reconciles, the devil shakes and attacking the marriage again becomes hard for him because you have proved him wrong.

However, there are acceptable situations where divorce is accepted in the Bible like adultery, abandonment and refusing your spouse his or her conjugal rights. Nevertheless, reconciliation should still be sought. There are so many reasons why the married couple would restore back their marriage even after the divorce. In this article I am going to share them with you.

Major reasons why couples would like to rekindle marriage after divorce

● After divorce, there is time for reflection, which dissipates anger.

It becomes easier to reflect on your relationship when you are away from it. Conflicts between couples tend to blindside the two individuals from having a sensible perception regarding their mate. When you separate, after some time you will realize your negative emotions are not as strong as they were when you were together. You will see the role you played in breaking up your family.

When you come back together, there will be a possibility for reconciliation since you’ll have acknowledged what you would have done in the first place to save your marriage.

● Distance makes one to appreciate your spouse’s worth

Sometimes couples may not realize the importance of the other person when they are together. After you separate, you will realize how much your spouse means to you and you will find your heart grow so fond of the person you once loved. You may not feel disconnected like you did when you were in the marriage.

● Your children could be unhappy with you divorcing

Kids are beautiful and they are a source of joy and happiness for couples. They make you think even when you don’t want to. Divorce upends the stability of your children’s world and it becomes very hard for them to bear the pain.

It affects their whole life from their social life, their relationship with others, at school, at home, activities, friendships, holidays, the standard of living and their future marriages. This will make the couple think twice and find themselves reconciling for the sake of their children welfare.

● When you realize that you are still unhappy

People tend to believe if you have been struggling with marriage and get out of it, you will find happiness. I cannot disagree. Maybe in very rare cases. Sometimes after a divorce, most people go through hell than when they were in the marriage.

Numerous research studies show that most divorced couples are unhappier compared to those in marriage. Furthermore, divorce is linked to increase in stress and depression.

● Decreased living standards after going through a divorce

Divorce is quite expensive especially when it comes to children’s custody. In most cases divorce stipulates that asset division is to be 50-50. The involved parties eventually experience financial crisis after the entire process. The most affected with finances are women compared to men after the divorce. Regaining your financial stability after the divorce process can be emotionally draining, thus some couples will opt to remain together to avoid such issues.

● Paradigm shift in one’s conduct

Sometimes a divorce can trigger behavioral change in an individual. This stems mainly from a sense of guilt and remorse. You start to contemplate that maybe your own misdemeanor could have cost you your marriage. You then make an intentional resolution to become a better individual by accepting your weaknesses and improving them. This in itself is a good thing because once you reconcile, your new relationship will become splendid.

You see yourself better than them and you think you cannot make mistakes. Well, a separation makes you evaluate your life and contemplate on what is important. You will admit your faults and work on how to reconcile with your partner. In other words, in order for reconciliation to occur, you must demonstrate a real change of behavior, actions, and attitude.

● Unrealistic expectations in marriage

This is one of the greatest factors which contribute to failed marriages. Couples enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations. In order for a couple to successfully reunite, a couple has to have realistic expectations for themselves, their spouse and the marriage in general.

It is better to start from nothing and work on building your marriage. Do not place any unrealistic goals on your partner. Such unrealistic expectations cause unhappiness and lack of satisfaction in marriage.

A second chance after a divorce?

A divorce brings out an array of emotions and feelings. It is also a tumultuous period in one’s life. You are prone to develop fear of the unknown, wondering if all is lost on that relationship or if there is any hope to salvage it.

Yes, there is hope. It is better to hang on to that thread of hope, rather than to throw in the towel. What matters is your determination and intentions. Become intentional towards rebuilding your relationship. Identify a solid purpose for your union and weed out any relationship spoilers that ruined your marriage in the first place. Try out the following guidelines as you seek to reconcile with your mate.

● Make contact with your ex-spouse as much as possible.

Talk to your partner as many time as possible just like it was when you first met. Allow yourself to feel better with them and give them a chance to prove their loyalty this time. Call, text or email to discuss the things that are important in his or her day.

Show interest in the things that your ex-spouse is involved in. Complement and express how much you’ve missed your ex-spouse. After some courting, you can then ask your ex-spouse on a first date. Treat this first date just as you would if you were going on it with someone you don’t know.

● Be a lifelong learner on how to excel in marriage

In this information era, you cannot lack the resources to educate yourself on how to become a homemaker. Make sure your separation time will teach you how to relate well with yourself and the people around you, so that when you two decide to come together, it won’t be a problem again. When dealing with your ex-spouse, learn ways to deal with upcoming problems.

This will save you from frustration. Learn to be more expressive and an active listener. If it reaches a point you have to compromise on a certain issue, you can do it for the sake of your marriage. This may actually surprise you.

You may find it working for you. If your partner felt unheard or under-appreciated, make a point to listen and appreciate more. Remember you are doing this for your own benefit. Do not do it because you want your spouse to be interested in you again, but rather do it because it is right for both of you.

● Be cautious and take your time

For people who were once in love, it is possible for them to get back together quickly, which can lead them to the very mistake they made the first time round. It is advisable to You better take baby steps, where you are slow but sure.

Take time to explore each other again. Don’t let any negative feelings to over shadow you because it will crush you down again. Take the steps in your relationship slowly and pay attention to exactly what will be happening.

Understand that this is a new beginning but it has history attached to it that needs consideration and resolution. Ignoring what happened in the past and only looking forward may seem like the best way to handle it, but it may end up surprising you later when you discover you still hold on to some of your old feelings.

● Iron out any issues in the marriage

Most divorces stem from poor or lack of communication skills among couples. Take the time to build on effective ways of communicating with your ex-spouse. This will build trust and in the long run, the two of you will be able to connect once again. Use that time to air out any issues in your relationship.

You don’t want to repeat the same patterns as you did in the marriage, or the new relationship will have the same ending as your first marriage did. Be open about what happened to cause the divorce and discuss it with an open mind and heart. Sometimes this can be difficult, but it is the right approach to your marriage.

● Be grateful for your spouse

Everyone feels great and loved when they realize that they are acknowledged for the little efforts they make. The good news is, it’s relatively easy to make the other person feel appreciated. Send a daily email or text thanking your spouse for picking up the laundry or watching the kids when you are away or sleeping.

Ask them about their day and listen. Tell them how great they look in their new suit or new haircut. These things might seem small, but that’s precisely why they’re meaningful.

Everyone wants to feel that what they do matters. Communicate what you feel about them that you love, do not assume they will know by your action. A word of mouth is much better than your actions.

● Stop focusing on the past. Focus on the future

The greatest mistake you will ever do is to keep reminding your spouse how much they failed you at some point in life. If you do that your marriage will be doomed and getting back to each other becomes more difficult. If your spouse has made amends for hurting you, learn to forgive and move on together in peace. This becomes easier for you to connect with them than you ever did before. Be committed to helping your renewed marriage work and focus on your future together.

● Ensure you are on the same page.

Marriage is a two way traffic. If you and your spouse feel connected to each other even after divorce, it’s better you work on your reconciliation. Make sure, first of all, that this is really what both of you want. Be sure that it isn’t just because you are lonely, or distant, or romanticizing the good parts of your marriage and ignoring the bad? Consider that if it didn’t work out last time, what will make it work out this time?

At the end of the day, it is only you who is able to know the reasons why you desire to rekindle your relationship. Always be true to who you are and take the next leap into the future. Re-evaluate your expectations Take a clear look at your expectations of marriage and whether they are realistic. See whether your motive is right about your marriage. Make very clear decision and know exactly what to expect from your partner otherwise, you will be hurt again.

Understand that no one is perfect including yourself. Once in a while mistakes will happen so better know how to handle them. If your spouse is not able to meet all your expectations, leave a room for adjustment.

● Attend family events together

Understand this event is not about you or your spouse’s marriage. It is for an external circumstance which you cannot avoid dealing with. Try to approach it in the most knowledgeable way ever.

Comfort one another in times of hardship and carry each other’s burdens as serious as you would do to yours. Attending a family event together would prove your love for each other to your people and it would change their mind set on what they think of your spouse.

Divorce Lawyer Free Consultation

When you need legal help with a divorce in Utah, please call Ascent Law LLC at (801) 676-5506. We want to help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Does It Matter Who Files For Divorce First In Utah?

What Is A Hardship Loan Modification?

Salt lake Bankruptcy Lawyer

Best West Valley City Utah Accident Lawyer

Utah DUI Defense

Can You Withdraw Money From a Deceased Person’s Account?

For updates on the novel corona virus, click here

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Source: https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/did-divorce-get-renewed/

[advertphoto]

Did Divorce Get Renewed?

This is a question that is asked so many times. Yes, divorce can be renewed at some point in life. Separation of two people who were once in love is a bit difficult. Irrespective of the prevailing situations, rekindling your love is not rocket science. It can be done.

Anyone entering into marriage may not think that their marriage could one day dissolve. However, when the divorce happens, it prompts the individual to get into a reflection period.

You are forced to evaluate the whole scenario, take a step back and analyse the current adversity. Feeling the same way you felt the first time you met each other can still be in you. Despite your differences that chemistry in most cases still holds, the minute you see your spouse.

In the Bible, the plan of God was married people to stay together loving and cherishing each other for the rest of their life till death do them apart. Among the Christians, marriage is very crucial.

It is believed that God hates divorce and reconciliation is pleasing to Him. Normally what happens when a married couple reconciles, the devil shakes and attacking the marriage again becomes hard for him because you have proved him wrong.

However, there are acceptable situations where divorce is accepted in the Bible like adultery, abandonment and refusing your spouse his or her conjugal rights. Nevertheless, reconciliation should still be sought. There are so many reasons why the married couple would restore back their marriage even after the divorce. In this article I am going to share them with you.

Major reasons why couples would like to rekindle marriage after divorce

● After divorce, there is time for reflection, which dissipates anger.

It becomes easier to reflect on your relationship when you are away from it. Conflicts between couples tend to blindside the two individuals from having a sensible perception regarding their mate. When you separate, after some time you will realize your negative emotions are not as strong as they were when you were together. You will see the role you played in breaking up your family.

When you come back together, there will be a possibility for reconciliation since you’ll have acknowledged what you would have done in the first place to save your marriage.

● Distance makes one to appreciate your spouse’s worth

Sometimes couples may not realize the importance of the other person when they are together. After you separate, you will realize how much your spouse means to you and you will find your heart grow so fond of the person you once loved. You may not feel disconnected like you did when you were in the marriage.

● Your children could be unhappy with you divorcing

Kids are beautiful and they are a source of joy and happiness for couples. They make you think even when you don’t want to. Divorce upends the stability of your children’s world and it becomes very hard for them to bear the pain.

It affects their whole life from their social life, their relationship with others, at school, at home, activities, friendships, holidays, the standard of living and their future marriages. This will make the couple think twice and find themselves reconciling for the sake of their children welfare.

● When you realize that you are still unhappy

People tend to believe if you have been struggling with marriage and get out of it, you will find happiness. I cannot disagree. Maybe in very rare cases. Sometimes after a divorce, most people go through hell than when they were in the marriage.

Numerous research studies show that most divorced couples are unhappier compared to those in marriage. Furthermore, divorce is linked to increase in stress and depression.

● Decreased living standards after going through a divorce

Divorce is quite expensive especially when it comes to children’s custody. In most cases divorce stipulates that asset division is to be 50-50. The involved parties eventually experience financial crisis after the entire process. The most affected with finances are women compared to men after the divorce. Regaining your financial stability after the divorce process can be emotionally draining, thus some couples will opt to remain together to avoid such issues.

● Paradigm shift in one’s conduct

Sometimes a divorce can trigger behavioral change in an individual. This stems mainly from a sense of guilt and remorse. You start to contemplate that maybe your own misdemeanor could have cost you your marriage. You then make an intentional resolution to become a better individual by accepting your weaknesses and improving them. This in itself is a good thing because once you reconcile, your new relationship will become splendid.

You see yourself better than them and you think you cannot make mistakes. Well, a separation makes you evaluate your life and contemplate on what is important. You will admit your faults and work on how to reconcile with your partner. In other words, in order for reconciliation to occur, you must demonstrate a real change of behavior, actions, and attitude.

● Unrealistic expectations in marriage

This is one of the greatest factors which contribute to failed marriages. Couples enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations. In order for a couple to successfully reunite, a couple has to have realistic expectations for themselves, their spouse and the marriage in general.

It is better to start from nothing and work on building your marriage. Do not place any unrealistic goals on your partner. Such unrealistic expectations cause unhappiness and lack of satisfaction in marriage.

A second chance after a divorce?

A divorce brings out an array of emotions and feelings. It is also a tumultuous period in one’s life. You are prone to develop fear of the unknown, wondering if all is lost on that relationship or if there is any hope to salvage it.

Yes, there is hope. It is better to hang on to that thread of hope, rather than to throw in the towel. What matters is your determination and intentions. Become intentional towards rebuilding your relationship. Identify a solid purpose for your union and weed out any relationship spoilers that ruined your marriage in the first place. Try out the following guidelines as you seek to reconcile with your mate.

● Make contact with your ex-spouse as much as possible.

Talk to your partner as many time as possible just like it was when you first met. Allow yourself to feel better with them and give them a chance to prove their loyalty this time. Call, text or email to discuss the things that are important in his or her day.

Show interest in the things that your ex-spouse is involved in. Complement and express how much you’ve missed your ex-spouse. After some courting, you can then ask your ex-spouse on a first date. Treat this first date just as you would if you were going on it with someone you don’t know.

● Be a lifelong learner on how to excel in marriage

In this information era, you cannot lack the resources to educate yourself on how to become a homemaker. Make sure your separation time will teach you how to relate well with yourself and the people around you, so that when you two decide to come together, it won’t be a problem again. When dealing with your ex-spouse, learn ways to deal with upcoming problems.

This will save you from frustration. Learn to be more expressive and an active listener. If it reaches a point you have to compromise on a certain issue, you can do it for the sake of your marriage. This may actually surprise you.

You may find it working for you. If your partner felt unheard or under-appreciated, make a point to listen and appreciate more. Remember you are doing this for your own benefit. Do not do it because you want your spouse to be interested in you again, but rather do it because it is right for both of you.

● Be cautious and take your time

For people who were once in love, it is possible for them to get back together quickly, which can lead them to the very mistake they made the first time round. It is advisable to You better take baby steps, where you are slow but sure.

Take time to explore each other again. Don’t let any negative feelings to over shadow you because it will crush you down again. Take the steps in your relationship slowly and pay attention to exactly what will be happening.

Understand that this is a new beginning but it has history attached to it that needs consideration and resolution. Ignoring what happened in the past and only looking forward may seem like the best way to handle it, but it may end up surprising you later when you discover you still hold on to some of your old feelings.

● Iron out any issues in the marriage

Most divorces stem from poor or lack of communication skills among couples. Take the time to build on effective ways of communicating with your ex-spouse. This will build trust and in the long run, the two of you will be able to connect once again. Use that time to air out any issues in your relationship.

You don’t want to repeat the same patterns as you did in the marriage, or the new relationship will have the same ending as your first marriage did. Be open about what happened to cause the divorce and discuss it with an open mind and heart. Sometimes this can be difficult, but it is the right approach to your marriage.

● Be grateful for your spouse

Everyone feels great and loved when they realize that they are acknowledged for the little efforts they make. The good news is, it’s relatively easy to make the other person feel appreciated. Send a daily email or text thanking your spouse for picking up the laundry or watching the kids when you are away or sleeping.

Ask them about their day and listen. Tell them how great they look in their new suit or new haircut. These things might seem small, but that’s precisely why they’re meaningful.

Everyone wants to feel that what they do matters. Communicate what you feel about them that you love, do not assume they will know by your action. A word of mouth is much better than your actions.

● Stop focusing on the past. Focus on the future

The greatest mistake you will ever do is to keep reminding your spouse how much they failed you at some point in life. If you do that your marriage will be doomed and getting back to each other becomes more difficult. If your spouse has made amends for hurting you, learn to forgive and move on together in peace. This becomes easier for you to connect with them than you ever did before. Be committed to helping your renewed marriage work and focus on your future together.

● Ensure you are on the same page.

Marriage is a two way traffic. If you and your spouse feel connected to each other even after divorce, it’s better you work on your reconciliation. Make sure, first of all, that this is really what both of you want. Be sure that it isn’t just because you are lonely, or distant, or romanticizing the good parts of your marriage and ignoring the bad? Consider that if it didn’t work out last time, what will make it work out this time?

At the end of the day, it is only you who is able to know the reasons why you desire to rekindle your relationship. Always be true to who you are and take the next leap into the future. Re-evaluate your expectations Take a clear look at your expectations of marriage and whether they are realistic. See whether your motive is right about your marriage. Make very clear decision and know exactly what to expect from your partner otherwise, you will be hurt again.

Understand that no one is perfect including yourself. Once in a while mistakes will happen so better know how to handle them. If your spouse is not able to meet all your expectations, leave a room for adjustment.

● Attend family events together

Understand this event is not about you or your spouse’s marriage. It is for an external circumstance which you cannot avoid dealing with. Try to approach it in the most knowledgeable way ever.

Comfort one another in times of hardship and carry each other’s burdens as serious as you would do to yours. Attending a family event together would prove your love for each other to your people and it would change their mind set on what they think of your spouse.

Divorce Lawyer Free Consultation

When you need legal help with a divorce in Utah, please call Ascent Law LLC at (801) 676-5506. We want to help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Does It Matter Who Files For Divorce First In Utah?

What Is A Hardship Loan Modification?

Salt lake Bankruptcy Lawyer

Best West Valley City Utah Accident Lawyer

Utah DUI Defense

Can You Withdraw Money From a Deceased Person’s Account?

For updates on the novel corona virus, click here

{ “@context”: “http://schema.org/”, “@type”: “Product”, “name”: “ascentlawfirm”, “description”: “Ascent Law helps you in divorce, bankruptcy, probate, business or criminal cases in Utah, call 801-676-5506 for a free consultation today. We want to help you. “, “brand”: { “@type”: “Thing”, “name”: “ascentlawfirm” }, “aggregateRating”: { “@type”: “AggregateRating”, “ratingValue”: “4.9”, “ratingCount”: “118” }, “offers”: { “@type”: “Offer”, “priceCurrency”: “USD” } }

Source: https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/did-divorce-get-renewed/

[michaeljames1221]

Did Divorce Get Renewed?

This is a question that is asked so many times. Yes, divorce can be renewed at some point in life. Separation of two people who were once in love is a bit difficult. Irrespective of the prevailing situations, rekindling your love is not rocket science. It can be done.

Anyone entering into marriage may not think that their marriage could one day dissolve. However, when the divorce happens, it prompts the individual to get into a reflection period.

You are forced to evaluate the whole scenario, take a step back and analyse the current adversity. Feeling the same way you felt the first time you met each other can still be in you. Despite your differences that chemistry in most cases still holds, the minute you see your spouse.

In the Bible, the plan of God was married people to stay together loving and cherishing each other for the rest of their life till death do them apart. Among the Christians, marriage is very crucial.

It is believed that God hates divorce and reconciliation is pleasing to Him. Normally what happens when a married couple reconciles, the devil shakes and attacking the marriage again becomes hard for him because you have proved him wrong.

However, there are acceptable situations where divorce is accepted in the Bible like adultery, abandonment and refusing your spouse his or her conjugal rights. Nevertheless, reconciliation should still be sought. There are so many reasons why the married couple would restore back their marriage even after the divorce. In this article I am going to share them with you.

Major reasons why couples would like to rekindle marriage after divorce

● After divorce, there is time for reflection, which dissipates anger.

It becomes easier to reflect on your relationship when you are away from it. Conflicts between couples tend to blindside the two individuals from having a sensible perception regarding their mate. When you separate, after some time you will realize your negative emotions are not as strong as they were when you were together. You will see the role you played in breaking up your family.

When you come back together, there will be a possibility for reconciliation since you’ll have acknowledged what you would have done in the first place to save your marriage.

● Distance makes one to appreciate your spouse’s worth

Sometimes couples may not realize the importance of the other person when they are together. After you separate, you will realize how much your spouse means to you and you will find your heart grow so fond of the person you once loved. You may not feel disconnected like you did when you were in the marriage.

● Your children could be unhappy with you divorcing

Kids are beautiful and they are a source of joy and happiness for couples. They make you think even when you don’t want to. Divorce upends the stability of your children’s world and it becomes very hard for them to bear the pain.

It affects their whole life from their social life, their relationship with others, at school, at home, activities, friendships, holidays, the standard of living and their future marriages. This will make the couple think twice and find themselves reconciling for the sake of their children welfare.

● When you realize that you are still unhappy

People tend to believe if you have been struggling with marriage and get out of it, you will find happiness. I cannot disagree. Maybe in very rare cases. Sometimes after a divorce, most people go through hell than when they were in the marriage.

Numerous research studies show that most divorced couples are unhappier compared to those in marriage. Furthermore, divorce is linked to increase in stress and depression.

● Decreased living standards after going through a divorce

Divorce is quite expensive especially when it comes to children’s custody. In most cases divorce stipulates that asset division is to be 50-50. The involved parties eventually experience financial crisis after the entire process. The most affected with finances are women compared to men after the divorce. Regaining your financial stability after the divorce process can be emotionally draining, thus some couples will opt to remain together to avoid such issues.

● Paradigm shift in one’s conduct

Sometimes a divorce can trigger behavioral change in an individual. This stems mainly from a sense of guilt and remorse. You start to contemplate that maybe your own misdemeanor could have cost you your marriage. You then make an intentional resolution to become a better individual by accepting your weaknesses and improving them. This in itself is a good thing because once you reconcile, your new relationship will become splendid.

You see yourself better than them and you think you cannot make mistakes. Well, a separation makes you evaluate your life and contemplate on what is important. You will admit your faults and work on how to reconcile with your partner. In other words, in order for reconciliation to occur, you must demonstrate a real change of behavior, actions, and attitude.

● Unrealistic expectations in marriage

This is one of the greatest factors which contribute to failed marriages. Couples enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations. In order for a couple to successfully reunite, a couple has to have realistic expectations for themselves, their spouse and the marriage in general.

It is better to start from nothing and work on building your marriage. Do not place any unrealistic goals on your partner. Such unrealistic expectations cause unhappiness and lack of satisfaction in marriage.

A second chance after a divorce?

A divorce brings out an array of emotions and feelings. It is also a tumultuous period in one’s life. You are prone to develop fear of the unknown, wondering if all is lost on that relationship or if there is any hope to salvage it.

Yes, there is hope. It is better to hang on to that thread of hope, rather than to throw in the towel. What matters is your determination and intentions. Become intentional towards rebuilding your relationship. Identify a solid purpose for your union and weed out any relationship spoilers that ruined your marriage in the first place. Try out the following guidelines as you seek to reconcile with your mate.

● Make contact with your ex-spouse as much as possible.

Talk to your partner as many time as possible just like it was when you first met. Allow yourself to feel better with them and give them a chance to prove their loyalty this time. Call, text or email to discuss the things that are important in his or her day.

Show interest in the things that your ex-spouse is involved in. Complement and express how much you’ve missed your ex-spouse. After some courting, you can then ask your ex-spouse on a first date. Treat this first date just as you would if you were going on it with someone you don’t know.

● Be a lifelong learner on how to excel in marriage

In this information era, you cannot lack the resources to educate yourself on how to become a homemaker. Make sure your separation time will teach you how to relate well with yourself and the people around you, so that when you two decide to come together, it won’t be a problem again. When dealing with your ex-spouse, learn ways to deal with upcoming problems.

This will save you from frustration. Learn to be more expressive and an active listener. If it reaches a point you have to compromise on a certain issue, you can do it for the sake of your marriage. This may actually surprise you.

You may find it working for you. If your partner felt unheard or under-appreciated, make a point to listen and appreciate more. Remember you are doing this for your own benefit. Do not do it because you want your spouse to be interested in you again, but rather do it because it is right for both of you.

● Be cautious and take your time

For people who were once in love, it is possible for them to get back together quickly, which can lead them to the very mistake they made the first time round. It is advisable to You better take baby steps, where you are slow but sure.

Take time to explore each other again. Don’t let any negative feelings to over shadow you because it will crush you down again. Take the steps in your relationship slowly and pay attention to exactly what will be happening.

Understand that this is a new beginning but it has history attached to it that needs consideration and resolution. Ignoring what happened in the past and only looking forward may seem like the best way to handle it, but it may end up surprising you later when you discover you still hold on to some of your old feelings.

● Iron out any issues in the marriage

Most divorces stem from poor or lack of communication skills among couples. Take the time to build on effective ways of communicating with your ex-spouse. This will build trust and in the long run, the two of you will be able to connect once again. Use that time to air out any issues in your relationship.

You don’t want to repeat the same patterns as you did in the marriage, or the new relationship will have the same ending as your first marriage did. Be open about what happened to cause the divorce and discuss it with an open mind and heart. Sometimes this can be difficult, but it is the right approach to your marriage.

● Be grateful for your spouse

Everyone feels great and loved when they realize that they are acknowledged for the little efforts they make. The good news is, it’s relatively easy to make the other person feel appreciated. Send a daily email or text thanking your spouse for picking up the laundry or watching the kids when you are away or sleeping.

Ask them about their day and listen. Tell them how great they look in their new suit or new haircut. These things might seem small, but that’s precisely why they’re meaningful.

Everyone wants to feel that what they do matters. Communicate what you feel about them that you love, do not assume they will know by your action. A word of mouth is much better than your actions.

● Stop focusing on the past. Focus on the future

The greatest mistake you will ever do is to keep reminding your spouse how much they failed you at some point in life. If you do that your marriage will be doomed and getting back to each other becomes more difficult. If your spouse has made amends for hurting you, learn to forgive and move on together in peace. This becomes easier for you to connect with them than you ever did before. Be committed to helping your renewed marriage work and focus on your future together.

● Ensure you are on the same page.

Marriage is a two way traffic. If you and your spouse feel connected to each other even after divorce, it’s better you work on your reconciliation. Make sure, first of all, that this is really what both of you want. Be sure that it isn’t just because you are lonely, or distant, or romanticizing the good parts of your marriage and ignoring the bad? Consider that if it didn’t work out last time, what will make it work out this time?

At the end of the day, it is only you who is able to know the reasons why you desire to rekindle your relationship. Always be true to who you are and take the next leap into the future. Re-evaluate your expectations Take a clear look at your expectations of marriage and whether they are realistic. See whether your motive is right about your marriage. Make very clear decision and know exactly what to expect from your partner otherwise, you will be hurt again.

Understand that no one is perfect including yourself. Once in a while mistakes will happen so better know how to handle them. If your spouse is not able to meet all your expectations, leave a room for adjustment.

● Attend family events together

Understand this event is not about you or your spouse’s marriage. It is for an external circumstance which you cannot avoid dealing with. Try to approach it in the most knowledgeable way ever.

Comfort one another in times of hardship and carry each other’s burdens as serious as you would do to yours. Attending a family event together would prove your love for each other to your people and it would change their mind set on what they think of your spouse.

Divorce Lawyer Free Consultation

When you need legal help with a divorce in Utah, please call Ascent Law LLC at (801) 676-5506. We want to help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Does It Matter Who Files For Divorce First In Utah?

What Is A Hardship Loan Modification?

Salt lake Bankruptcy Lawyer

Best West Valley City Utah Accident Lawyer

Utah DUI Defense

Can You Withdraw Money From a Deceased Person’s Account?

For updates on the novel corona virus, click here

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from Michael Anderson https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/did-divorce-get-renewed/

from Criminal Defense Lawyer West Jordan Utah https://criminaldefenselawyerwestjordanutah.wordpress.com/2020/04/01/did-divorce-get-renewed/

[gonnagoandrunwiththehorses]

Did Divorce Get Renewed?

This is a question that is asked so many times. Yes, divorce can be renewed at some point in life. Separation of two people who were once in love is a bit difficult. Irrespective of the prevailing situations, rekindling your love is not rocket science. It can be done.

Anyone entering into marriage may not think that their marriage could one day dissolve. However, when the divorce happens, it prompts the individual to get into a reflection period.

You are forced to evaluate the whole scenario, take a step back and analyse the current adversity. Feeling the same way you felt the first time you met each other can still be in you. Despite your differences that chemistry in most cases still holds, the minute you see your spouse.

In the Bible, the plan of God was married people to stay together loving and cherishing each other for the rest of their life till death do them apart. Among the Christians, marriage is very crucial.

It is believed that God hates divorce and reconciliation is pleasing to Him. Normally what happens when a married couple reconciles, the devil shakes and attacking the marriage again becomes hard for him because you have proved him wrong.

However, there are acceptable situations where divorce is accepted in the Bible like adultery, abandonment and refusing your spouse his or her conjugal rights. Nevertheless, reconciliation should still be sought. There are so many reasons why the married couple would restore back their marriage even after the divorce. In this article I am going to share them with you.

Major reasons why couples would like to rekindle marriage after divorce

● After divorce, there is time for reflection, which dissipates anger.

It becomes easier to reflect on your relationship when you are away from it. Conflicts between couples tend to blindside the two individuals from having a sensible perception regarding their mate. When you separate, after some time you will realize your negative emotions are not as strong as they were when you were together. You will see the role you played in breaking up your family.

When you come back together, there will be a possibility for reconciliation since you’ll have acknowledged what you would have done in the first place to save your marriage.

● Distance makes one to appreciate your spouse’s worth

Sometimes couples may not realize the importance of the other person when they are together. After you separate, you will realize how much your spouse means to you and you will find your heart grow so fond of the person you once loved. You may not feel disconnected like you did when you were in the marriage.

● Your children could be unhappy with you divorcing

Kids are beautiful and they are a source of joy and happiness for couples. They make you think even when you don’t want to. Divorce upends the stability of your children’s world and it becomes very hard for them to bear the pain.

It affects their whole life from their social life, their relationship with others, at school, at home, activities, friendships, holidays, the standard of living and their future marriages. This will make the couple think twice and find themselves reconciling for the sake of their children welfare.

● When you realize that you are still unhappy

People tend to believe if you have been struggling with marriage and get out of it, you will find happiness. I cannot disagree. Maybe in very rare cases. Sometimes after a divorce, most people go through hell than when they were in the marriage.

Numerous research studies show that most divorced couples are unhappier compared to those in marriage. Furthermore, divorce is linked to increase in stress and depression.

● Decreased living standards after going through a divorce

Divorce is quite expensive especially when it comes to children’s custody. In most cases divorce stipulates that asset division is to be 50-50. The involved parties eventually experience financial crisis after the entire process. The most affected with finances are women compared to men after the divorce. Regaining your financial stability after the divorce process can be emotionally draining, thus some couples will opt to remain together to avoid such issues.

● Paradigm shift in one’s conduct

Sometimes a divorce can trigger behavioral change in an individual. This stems mainly from a sense of guilt and remorse. You start to contemplate that maybe your own misdemeanor could have cost you your marriage. You then make an intentional resolution to become a better individual by accepting your weaknesses and improving them. This in itself is a good thing because once you reconcile, your new relationship will become splendid.

You see yourself better than them and you think you cannot make mistakes. Well, a separation makes you evaluate your life and contemplate on what is important. You will admit your faults and work on how to reconcile with your partner. In other words, in order for reconciliation to occur, you must demonstrate a real change of behavior, actions, and attitude.

● Unrealistic expectations in marriage

This is one of the greatest factors which contribute to failed marriages. Couples enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations. In order for a couple to successfully reunite, a couple has to have realistic expectations for themselves, their spouse and the marriage in general.

It is better to start from nothing and work on building your marriage. Do not place any unrealistic goals on your partner. Such unrealistic expectations cause unhappiness and lack of satisfaction in marriage.

A second chance after a divorce?

A divorce brings out an array of emotions and feelings. It is also a tumultuous period in one’s life. You are prone to develop fear of the unknown, wondering if all is lost on that relationship or if there is any hope to salvage it.

Yes, there is hope. It is better to hang on to that thread of hope, rather than to throw in the towel. What matters is your determination and intentions. Become intentional towards rebuilding your relationship. Identify a solid purpose for your union and weed out any relationship spoilers that ruined your marriage in the first place. Try out the following guidelines as you seek to reconcile with your mate.

● Make contact with your ex-spouse as much as possible.

Talk to your partner as many time as possible just like it was when you first met. Allow yourself to feel better with them and give them a chance to prove their loyalty this time. Call, text or email to discuss the things that are important in his or her day.

Show interest in the things that your ex-spouse is involved in. Complement and express how much you’ve missed your ex-spouse. After some courting, you can then ask your ex-spouse on a first date. Treat this first date just as you would if you were going on it with someone you don’t know.

● Be a lifelong learner on how to excel in marriage

In this information era, you cannot lack the resources to educate yourself on how to become a homemaker. Make sure your separation time will teach you how to relate well with yourself and the people around you, so that when you two decide to come together, it won’t be a problem again. When dealing with your ex-spouse, learn ways to deal with upcoming problems.

This will save you from frustration. Learn to be more expressive and an active listener. If it reaches a point you have to compromise on a certain issue, you can do it for the sake of your marriage. This may actually surprise you.

You may find it working for you. If your partner felt unheard or under-appreciated, make a point to listen and appreciate more. Remember you are doing this for your own benefit. Do not do it because you want your spouse to be interested in you again, but rather do it because it is right for both of you.

● Be cautious and take your time

For people who were once in love, it is possible for them to get back together quickly, which can lead them to the very mistake they made the first time round. It is advisable to You better take baby steps, where you are slow but sure.

Take time to explore each other again. Don’t let any negative feelings to over shadow you because it will crush you down again. Take the steps in your relationship slowly and pay attention to exactly what will be happening.

Understand that this is a new beginning but it has history attached to it that needs consideration and resolution. Ignoring what happened in the past and only looking forward may seem like the best way to handle it, but it may end up surprising you later when you discover you still hold on to some of your old feelings.

● Iron out any issues in the marriage

Most divorces stem from poor or lack of communication skills among couples. Take the time to build on effective ways of communicating with your ex-spouse. This will build trust and in the long run, the two of you will be able to connect once again. Use that time to air out any issues in your relationship.

You don’t want to repeat the same patterns as you did in the marriage, or the new relationship will have the same ending as your first marriage did. Be open about what happened to cause the divorce and discuss it with an open mind and heart. Sometimes this can be difficult, but it is the right approach to your marriage.

● Be grateful for your spouse

Everyone feels great and loved when they realize that they are acknowledged for the little efforts they make. The good news is, it’s relatively easy to make the other person feel appreciated. Send a daily email or text thanking your spouse for picking up the laundry or watching the kids when you are away or sleeping.

Ask them about their day and listen. Tell them how great they look in their new suit or new haircut. These things might seem small, but that’s precisely why they’re meaningful.

Everyone wants to feel that what they do matters. Communicate what you feel about them that you love, do not assume they will know by your action. A word of mouth is much better than your actions.

● Stop focusing on the past. Focus on the future

The greatest mistake you will ever do is to keep reminding your spouse how much they failed you at some point in life. If you do that your marriage will be doomed and getting back to each other becomes more difficult. If your spouse has made amends for hurting you, learn to forgive and move on together in peace. This becomes easier for you to connect with them than you ever did before. Be committed to helping your renewed marriage work and focus on your future together.

● Ensure you are on the same page.

Marriage is a two way traffic. If you and your spouse feel connected to each other even after divorce, it’s better you work on your reconciliation. Make sure, first of all, that this is really what both of you want. Be sure that it isn’t just because you are lonely, or distant, or romanticizing the good parts of your marriage and ignoring the bad? Consider that if it didn’t work out last time, what will make it work out this time?

At the end of the day, it is only you who is able to know the reasons why you desire to rekindle your relationship. Always be true to who you are and take the next leap into the future. Re-evaluate your expectations Take a clear look at your expectations of marriage and whether they are realistic. See whether your motive is right about your marriage. Make very clear decision and know exactly what to expect from your partner otherwise, you will be hurt again.

Understand that no one is perfect including yourself. Once in a while mistakes will happen so better know how to handle them. If your spouse is not able to meet all your expectations, leave a room for adjustment.

● Attend family events together

Understand this event is not about you or your spouse’s marriage. It is for an external circumstance which you cannot avoid dealing with. Try to approach it in the most knowledgeable way ever.

Comfort one another in times of hardship and carry each other’s burdens as serious as you would do to yours. Attending a family event together would prove your love for each other to your people and it would change their mind set on what they think of your spouse.

Divorce Lawyer Free Consultation

When you need legal help with a divorce in Utah, please call Ascent Law LLC at (801) 676-5506. We want to help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Does It Matter Who Files For Divorce First In Utah?

What Is A Hardship Loan Modification?

Salt lake Bankruptcy Lawyer

Best West Valley City Utah Accident Lawyer

Utah DUI Defense

Can You Withdraw Money From a Deceased Person’s Account?

For updates on the novel corona virus, click here

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Source: https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/did-divorce-get-renewed/

[coming-from-hell]

Did Divorce Get Renewed?

This is a question that is asked so many times. Yes, divorce can be renewed at some point in life. Separation of two people who were once in love is a bit difficult. Irrespective of the prevailing situations, rekindling your love is not rocket science. It can be done.

Anyone entering into marriage may not think that their marriage could one day dissolve. However, when the divorce happens, it prompts the individual to get into a reflection period.

You are forced to evaluate the whole scenario, take a step back and analyse the current adversity. Feeling the same way you felt the first time you met each other can still be in you. Despite your differences that chemistry in most cases still holds, the minute you see your spouse.

In the Bible, the plan of God was married people to stay together loving and cherishing each other for the rest of their life till death do them apart. Among the Christians, marriage is very crucial.

It is believed that God hates divorce and reconciliation is pleasing to Him. Normally what happens when a married couple reconciles, the devil shakes and attacking the marriage again becomes hard for him because you have proved him wrong.

However, there are acceptable situations where divorce is accepted in the Bible like adultery, abandonment and refusing your spouse his or her conjugal rights. Nevertheless, reconciliation should still be sought. There are so many reasons why the married couple would restore back their marriage even after the divorce. In this article I am going to share them with you.

Major reasons why couples would like to rekindle marriage after divorce

● After divorce, there is time for reflection, which dissipates anger.

It becomes easier to reflect on your relationship when you are away from it. Conflicts between couples tend to blindside the two individuals from having a sensible perception regarding their mate. When you separate, after some time you will realize your negative emotions are not as strong as they were when you were together. You will see the role you played in breaking up your family.

When you come back together, there will be a possibility for reconciliation since you’ll have acknowledged what you would have done in the first place to save your marriage.

● Distance makes one to appreciate your spouse’s worth

Sometimes couples may not realize the importance of the other person when they are together. After you separate, you will realize how much your spouse means to you and you will find your heart grow so fond of the person you once loved. You may not feel disconnected like you did when you were in the marriage.

● Your children could be unhappy with you divorcing

Kids are beautiful and they are a source of joy and happiness for couples. They make you think even when you don’t want to. Divorce upends the stability of your children’s world and it becomes very hard for them to bear the pain.

It affects their whole life from their social life, their relationship with others, at school, at home, activities, friendships, holidays, the standard of living and their future marriages. This will make the couple think twice and find themselves reconciling for the sake of their children welfare.

● When you realize that you are still unhappy

People tend to believe if you have been struggling with marriage and get out of it, you will find happiness. I cannot disagree. Maybe in very rare cases. Sometimes after a divorce, most people go through hell than when they were in the marriage.

Numerous research studies show that most divorced couples are unhappier compared to those in marriage. Furthermore, divorce is linked to increase in stress and depression.

● Decreased living standards after going through a divorce

Divorce is quite expensive especially when it comes to children’s custody. In most cases divorce stipulates that asset division is to be 50-50. The involved parties eventually experience financial crisis after the entire process. The most affected with finances are women compared to men after the divorce. Regaining your financial stability after the divorce process can be emotionally draining, thus some couples will opt to remain together to avoid such issues.

● Paradigm shift in one’s conduct

Sometimes a divorce can trigger behavioral change in an individual. This stems mainly from a sense of guilt and remorse. You start to contemplate that maybe your own misdemeanor could have cost you your marriage. You then make an intentional resolution to become a better individual by accepting your weaknesses and improving them. This in itself is a good thing because once you reconcile, your new relationship will become splendid.

You see yourself better than them and you think you cannot make mistakes. Well, a separation makes you evaluate your life and contemplate on what is important. You will admit your faults and work on how to reconcile with your partner. In other words, in order for reconciliation to occur, you must demonstrate a real change of behavior, actions, and attitude.

● Unrealistic expectations in marriage

This is one of the greatest factors which contribute to failed marriages. Couples enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations. In order for a couple to successfully reunite, a couple has to have realistic expectations for themselves, their spouse and the marriage in general.

It is better to start from nothing and work on building your marriage. Do not place any unrealistic goals on your partner. Such unrealistic expectations cause unhappiness and lack of satisfaction in marriage.

A second chance after a divorce?

A divorce brings out an array of emotions and feelings. It is also a tumultuous period in one’s life. You are prone to develop fear of the unknown, wondering if all is lost on that relationship or if there is any hope to salvage it.

Yes, there is hope. It is better to hang on to that thread of hope, rather than to throw in the towel. What matters is your determination and intentions. Become intentional towards rebuilding your relationship. Identify a solid purpose for your union and weed out any relationship spoilers that ruined your marriage in the first place. Try out the following guidelines as you seek to reconcile with your mate.

● Make contact with your ex-spouse as much as possible.

Talk to your partner as many time as possible just like it was when you first met. Allow yourself to feel better with them and give them a chance to prove their loyalty this time. Call, text or email to discuss the things that are important in his or her day.

Show interest in the things that your ex-spouse is involved in. Complement and express how much you’ve missed your ex-spouse. After some courting, you can then ask your ex-spouse on a first date. Treat this first date just as you would if you were going on it with someone you don’t know.

● Be a lifelong learner on how to excel in marriage

In this information era, you cannot lack the resources to educate yourself on how to become a homemaker. Make sure your separation time will teach you how to relate well with yourself and the people around you, so that when you two decide to come together, it won’t be a problem again. When dealing with your ex-spouse, learn ways to deal with upcoming problems.

This will save you from frustration. Learn to be more expressive and an active listener. If it reaches a point you have to compromise on a certain issue, you can do it for the sake of your marriage. This may actually surprise you.

You may find it working for you. If your partner felt unheard or under-appreciated, make a point to listen and appreciate more. Remember you are doing this for your own benefit. Do not do it because you want your spouse to be interested in you again, but rather do it because it is right for both of you.

● Be cautious and take your time

For people who were once in love, it is possible for them to get back together quickly, which can lead them to the very mistake they made the first time round. It is advisable to You better take baby steps, where you are slow but sure.

Take time to explore each other again. Don’t let any negative feelings to over shadow you because it will crush you down again. Take the steps in your relationship slowly and pay attention to exactly what will be happening.

Understand that this is a new beginning but it has history attached to it that needs consideration and resolution. Ignoring what happened in the past and only looking forward may seem like the best way to handle it, but it may end up surprising you later when you discover you still hold on to some of your old feelings.

● Iron out any issues in the marriage

Most divorces stem from poor or lack of communication skills among couples. Take the time to build on effective ways of communicating with your ex-spouse. This will build trust and in the long run, the two of you will be able to connect once again. Use that time to air out any issues in your relationship.

You don’t want to repeat the same patterns as you did in the marriage, or the new relationship will have the same ending as your first marriage did. Be open about what happened to cause the divorce and discuss it with an open mind and heart. Sometimes this can be difficult, but it is the right approach to your marriage.

● Be grateful for your spouse

Everyone feels great and loved when they realize that they are acknowledged for the little efforts they make. The good news is, it’s relatively easy to make the other person feel appreciated. Send a daily email or text thanking your spouse for picking up the laundry or watching the kids when you are away or sleeping.

Ask them about their day and listen. Tell them how great they look in their new suit or new haircut. These things might seem small, but that’s precisely why they’re meaningful.

Everyone wants to feel that what they do matters. Communicate what you feel about them that you love, do not assume they will know by your action. A word of mouth is much better than your actions.

● Stop focusing on the past. Focus on the future

The greatest mistake you will ever do is to keep reminding your spouse how much they failed you at some point in life. If you do that your marriage will be doomed and getting back to each other becomes more difficult. If your spouse has made amends for hurting you, learn to forgive and move on together in peace. This becomes easier for you to connect with them than you ever did before. Be committed to helping your renewed marriage work and focus on your future together.

● Ensure you are on the same page.

Marriage is a two way traffic. If you and your spouse feel connected to each other even after divorce, it’s better you work on your reconciliation. Make sure, first of all, that this is really what both of you want. Be sure that it isn’t just because you are lonely, or distant, or romanticizing the good parts of your marriage and ignoring the bad? Consider that if it didn’t work out last time, what will make it work out this time?

At the end of the day, it is only you who is able to know the reasons why you desire to rekindle your relationship. Always be true to who you are and take the next leap into the future. Re-evaluate your expectations Take a clear look at your expectations of marriage and whether they are realistic. See whether your motive is right about your marriage. Make very clear decision and know exactly what to expect from your partner otherwise, you will be hurt again.

Understand that no one is perfect including yourself. Once in a while mistakes will happen so better know how to handle them. If your spouse is not able to meet all your expectations, leave a room for adjustment.

● Attend family events together

Understand this event is not about you or your spouse’s marriage. It is for an external circumstance which you cannot avoid dealing with. Try to approach it in the most knowledgeable way ever.

Comfort one another in times of hardship and carry each other’s burdens as serious as you would do to yours. Attending a family event together would prove your love for each other to your people and it would change their mind set on what they think of your spouse.

Divorce Lawyer Free Consultation

When you need legal help with a divorce in Utah, please call Ascent Law LLC at (801) 676-5506. We want to help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

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Source: https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/did-divorce-get-renewed/

[mayarosa47]

Did Divorce Get Renewed?

This is a question that is asked so many times. Yes, divorce can be renewed at some point in life. Separation of two people who were once in love is a bit difficult. Irrespective of the prevailing situations, rekindling your love is not rocket science. It can be done.

Anyone entering into marriage may not think that their marriage could one day dissolve. However, when the divorce happens, it prompts the individual to get into a reflection period.

You are forced to evaluate the whole scenario, take a step back and analyse the current adversity. Feeling the same way you felt the first time you met each other can still be in you. Despite your differences that chemistry in most cases still holds, the minute you see your spouse.

In the Bible, the plan of God was married people to stay together loving and cherishing each other for the rest of their life till death do them apart. Among the Christians, marriage is very crucial.

It is believed that God hates divorce and reconciliation is pleasing to Him. Normally what happens when a married couple reconciles, the devil shakes and attacking the marriage again becomes hard for him because you have proved him wrong.

However, there are acceptable situations where divorce is accepted in the Bible like adultery, abandonment and refusing your spouse his or her conjugal rights. Nevertheless, reconciliation should still be sought. There are so many reasons why the married couple would restore back their marriage even after the divorce. In this article I am going to share them with you.

Major reasons why couples would like to rekindle marriage after divorce

● After divorce, there is time for reflection, which dissipates anger.

It becomes easier to reflect on your relationship when you are away from it. Conflicts between couples tend to blindside the two individuals from having a sensible perception regarding their mate. When you separate, after some time you will realize your negative emotions are not as strong as they were when you were together. You will see the role you played in breaking up your family.

When you come back together, there will be a possibility for reconciliation since you’ll have acknowledged what you would have done in the first place to save your marriage.

● Distance makes one to appreciate your spouse’s worth

Sometimes couples may not realize the importance of the other person when they are together. After you separate, you will realize how much your spouse means to you and you will find your heart grow so fond of the person you once loved. You may not feel disconnected like you did when you were in the marriage.

● Your children could be unhappy with you divorcing

Kids are beautiful and they are a source of joy and happiness for couples. They make you think even when you don’t want to. Divorce upends the stability of your children’s world and it becomes very hard for them to bear the pain.

It affects their whole life from their social life, their relationship with others, at school, at home, activities, friendships, holidays, the standard of living and their future marriages. This will make the couple think twice and find themselves reconciling for the sake of their children welfare.

● When you realize that you are still unhappy

People tend to believe if you have been struggling with marriage and get out of it, you will find happiness. I cannot disagree. Maybe in very rare cases. Sometimes after a divorce, most people go through hell than when they were in the marriage.

Numerous research studies show that most divorced couples are unhappier compared to those in marriage. Furthermore, divorce is linked to increase in stress and depression.

● Decreased living standards after going through a divorce

Divorce is quite expensive especially when it comes to children’s custody. In most cases divorce stipulates that asset division is to be 50-50. The involved parties eventually experience financial crisis after the entire process. The most affected with finances are women compared to men after the divorce. Regaining your financial stability after the divorce process can be emotionally draining, thus some couples will opt to remain together to avoid such issues.

● Paradigm shift in one’s conduct

Sometimes a divorce can trigger behavioral change in an individual. This stems mainly from a sense of guilt and remorse. You start to contemplate that maybe your own misdemeanor could have cost you your marriage. You then make an intentional resolution to become a better individual by accepting your weaknesses and improving them. This in itself is a good thing because once you reconcile, your new relationship will become splendid.

You see yourself better than them and you think you cannot make mistakes. Well, a separation makes you evaluate your life and contemplate on what is important. You will admit your faults and work on how to reconcile with your partner. In other words, in order for reconciliation to occur, you must demonstrate a real change of behavior, actions, and attitude.

● Unrealistic expectations in marriage

This is one of the greatest factors which contribute to failed marriages. Couples enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations. In order for a couple to successfully reunite, a couple has to have realistic expectations for themselves, their spouse and the marriage in general.

It is better to start from nothing and work on building your marriage. Do not place any unrealistic goals on your partner. Such unrealistic expectations cause unhappiness and lack of satisfaction in marriage.

A second chance after a divorce?

A divorce brings out an array of emotions and feelings. It is also a tumultuous period in one’s life. You are prone to develop fear of the unknown, wondering if all is lost on that relationship or if there is any hope to salvage it.

Yes, there is hope. It is better to hang on to that thread of hope, rather than to throw in the towel. What matters is your determination and intentions. Become intentional towards rebuilding your relationship. Identify a solid purpose for your union and weed out any relationship spoilers that ruined your marriage in the first place. Try out the following guidelines as you seek to reconcile with your mate.

● Make contact with your ex-spouse as much as possible.

Talk to your partner as many time as possible just like it was when you first met. Allow yourself to feel better with them and give them a chance to prove their loyalty this time. Call, text or email to discuss the things that are important in his or her day.

Show interest in the things that your ex-spouse is involved in. Complement and express how much you’ve missed your ex-spouse. After some courting, you can then ask your ex-spouse on a first date. Treat this first date just as you would if you were going on it with someone you don’t know.

● Be a lifelong learner on how to excel in marriage

In this information era, you cannot lack the resources to educate yourself on how to become a homemaker. Make sure your separation time will teach you how to relate well with yourself and the people around you, so that when you two decide to come together, it won’t be a problem again. When dealing with your ex-spouse, learn ways to deal with upcoming problems.

This will save you from frustration. Learn to be more expressive and an active listener. If it reaches a point you have to compromise on a certain issue, you can do it for the sake of your marriage. This may actually surprise you.

You may find it working for you. If your partner felt unheard or under-appreciated, make a point to listen and appreciate more. Remember you are doing this for your own benefit. Do not do it because you want your spouse to be interested in you again, but rather do it because it is right for both of you.

● Be cautious and take your time

For people who were once in love, it is possible for them to get back together quickly, which can lead them to the very mistake they made the first time round. It is advisable to You better take baby steps, where you are slow but sure.

Take time to explore each other again. Don’t let any negative feelings to over shadow you because it will crush you down again. Take the steps in your relationship slowly and pay attention to exactly what will be happening.

Understand that this is a new beginning but it has history attached to it that needs consideration and resolution. Ignoring what happened in the past and only looking forward may seem like the best way to handle it, but it may end up surprising you later when you discover you still hold on to some of your old feelings.

● Iron out any issues in the marriage

Most divorces stem from poor or lack of communication skills among couples. Take the time to build on effective ways of communicating with your ex-spouse. This will build trust and in the long run, the two of you will be able to connect once again. Use that time to air out any issues in your relationship.

You don’t want to repeat the same patterns as you did in the marriage, or the new relationship will have the same ending as your first marriage did. Be open about what happened to cause the divorce and discuss it with an open mind and heart. Sometimes this can be difficult, but it is the right approach to your marriage.

● Be grateful for your spouse

Everyone feels great and loved when they realize that they are acknowledged for the little efforts they make. The good news is, it’s relatively easy to make the other person feel appreciated. Send a daily email or text thanking your spouse for picking up the laundry or watching the kids when you are away or sleeping.

Ask them about their day and listen. Tell them how great they look in their new suit or new haircut. These things might seem small, but that’s precisely why they’re meaningful.

Everyone wants to feel that what they do matters. Communicate what you feel about them that you love, do not assume they will know by your action. A word of mouth is much better than your actions.

● Stop focusing on the past. Focus on the future

The greatest mistake you will ever do is to keep reminding your spouse how much they failed you at some point in life. If you do that your marriage will be doomed and getting back to each other becomes more difficult. If your spouse has made amends for hurting you, learn to forgive and move on together in peace. This becomes easier for you to connect with them than you ever did before. Be committed to helping your renewed marriage work and focus on your future together.

● Ensure you are on the same page.

Marriage is a two way traffic. If you and your spouse feel connected to each other even after divorce, it’s better you work on your reconciliation. Make sure, first of all, that this is really what both of you want. Be sure that it isn’t just because you are lonely, or distant, or romanticizing the good parts of your marriage and ignoring the bad? Consider that if it didn’t work out last time, what will make it work out this time?

At the end of the day, it is only you who is able to know the reasons why you desire to rekindle your relationship. Always be true to who you are and take the next leap into the future. Re-evaluate your expectations Take a clear look at your expectations of marriage and whether they are realistic. See whether your motive is right about your marriage. Make very clear decision and know exactly what to expect from your partner otherwise, you will be hurt again.

Understand that no one is perfect including yourself. Once in a while mistakes will happen so better know how to handle them. If your spouse is not able to meet all your expectations, leave a room for adjustment.

● Attend family events together

Understand this event is not about you or your spouse’s marriage. It is for an external circumstance which you cannot avoid dealing with. Try to approach it in the most knowledgeable way ever.

Comfort one another in times of hardship and carry each other’s burdens as serious as you would do to yours. Attending a family event together would prove your love for each other to your people and it would change their mind set on what they think of your spouse.

Divorce Lawyer Free Consultation

When you need legal help with a divorce in Utah, please call Ascent Law LLC at (801) 676-5506. We want to help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Does It Matter Who Files For Divorce First In Utah?

What Is A Hardship Loan Modification?

Salt lake Bankruptcy Lawyer

Best West Valley City Utah Accident Lawyer

Utah DUI Defense

Can You Withdraw Money From a Deceased Person’s Account?

For updates on the novel corona virus, click here

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