#(they’re not very forgiving) BUT i’m practically all done now and graduating (top of my class i might add hehe) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

holidaywishes · 4 years ago

Text

you finally made sense

Requested: 👍

Summary/Request: So Jacob Markstrom idea for whenever you’re ready. Because I am simple and just love the idea I would love to see how you would write friends to lovers but where Jacob has known for a while that he wanted more but the reader is much slower to come to a realization. Like maybe she realizes when someone makes a comment about how they are such a cute couple or something.

Warning: Google Translate, fluff, maybe some language?

Author’s Note: For some reason, this GIF doesn’t come up in the GIF search but I love it too much not to use, so I believe it’s from @droppedgloves and I want to thank them for it. It’s beautiful, thank you. Fun fact: I forgot what the ‘plan’ was after I wrote “here’s the plan” because I had to save it as a draft and do other stuff 😂😂 I’m not super familiar with Markstrom, so I had to spend a good full day scrolling through YouTube to watch videos and interviews of him to get a sense of his personality so I could figure out how I wanted to write him and, here’s another fun fact: I didn’t realize that video of the goalie playing with dolls (you’re the better goalie, you’re the better goalie) was actually Markstrom so that made me giggle when I was watching stuff. @mandypants95 I hope this gives you a little bit of what you were looking for. Friends to Lovers is fun to write because of all the cliché’s that come with it so I hope everyone enjoys it, even just a little bit! It’s quite long, like I told mandypants, it kind of got away on me, so just prepare yourself 😂Stay golden, loves! <3

P.S. The names of Marky’s friends are not real people, -- he might have friends with these names but I have no idea, -- I just needed to make up some names for his friends 😜

P.P.S. If you keep seeing this appear after you’ve liked it, I’m sorry. Sometimes edits need to be done because of grammar (I hate when my fics have bad grammar) and if I do it on the app, sometimes the title doesn’t save so the link gets we-- it’s a whole thing.

masterlist

the other masterlist

You met Jake his first year playing with the Canucks but it wasn’t a natural friendship like he usually explained it to everyone. He was sweet, sure, but he was also very cocky; like he knew how good he was and was eager to make sure everyone else knew. It didn’t take long, though, for him to charm his way into your life.

“JAKE!” you called as you walked through his front door

“What’s up!” he yelled from the top of the stairs

“Here’s the plan:” you started to explain, “we’re going to this bar, you’re not going to run off and leave me alone with all these strangers, we’re gonna leave when either of us decides that we’re done, got it?”

“It’s a party, (Y/N),” he laughed, “we have to interact with them”

“I know and it’s your birthday,” you added, “I’m just saying, I don’t know your friends. You can read me, I can read you, so just help me out a little, okay?”

“Fine” he sighed sarcastically before running down the stairs to meet you, bumping your arm lightly with his shoulder before walking into the kitchen to grab a glass of water

“Good” you smiled

“Great” he teased

“Look,” you sighed, leaning against his counter while he practically chugged his water, “don’t be weird. Don’t wear a suit and make me feel under-dressed, just wear jeans and a t-shirt”

“It’s my birthday party...” you scoffed

“I know, so just be comfortable” you grinned and he shook his head

“God, you’re so demanding today” he joked

“I have to be or you won’t listen to me”

“You know me too well, I guess” he smiled, forcing an exaggerated eye roll from you before you turned on your heels to make your way home. “Wait, you’re leaving?”

“Yeah” you scoffed

“You just came over to boss me around and leave? Like this couldn’t have been done over text?”

“I have to go get changed!” you laughed

“What?” he chuckled, “you just told me to dress casual”

“I know because I know you,” you admitted, “you’ll still show up looking like you’re going to some fancy event. Even in ripped jeans and a ratty t-shirt”

“I won’t” he smiled

“You will. Just let me go home and put on a dress. I’ll meet you there”

“You’ll text me when you get there?”

“As soon as the Uber turns the corner” you smirked

“Okay, see you there.”

Jacob’s P.O.V

You waited outside the bar for (Y/N) to show up for your birthday party that your friends from Sweden came in for but she was taking forever

“Where are you?” you asked impatiently

“I told you I’d text you when I was there” she sent back

“Yeah, but you were supposed to be here like 20 minutes ago!”

“There was traffic. I can’t control the traffic”

“Oh I’m sure you could if you tried”

“Yeah well, maybe next time”

“Are you close?”

“The car is just turning the corner now”

“Finally” you watched as cars paced by the bar until one black Lexus pulled up in front of you and (Y/N) stepped out slowly. Your eyes couldn’t help but follow her as she walked toward you, completely enthralled by the deep blue colour of her dress as it swished side to side. “Wait” you stopped her from walking into the bar, ahead of you

“What?” she sighed as she stepped back in front of you

“Why are you allowed to dress like that,” you gestured to her before gesturing to your outfit, “and I have to dress like this?”

“Because,” she started, a smile creeping across her face, “these are your friends. They’ve never met me before and I want to make a good impression”

“But it’s not like they need to approve of you,” you smirked, “we’re not dating”

“Oh I know,” she scoffed, “but if I look good, that makes you look good. They’ll know that you’re not failing over here because you hang out with awesome people like me” she turned and walked into the bar, grabbing your arm so she could drag you in after her. Her laugh, paired with her warm touch, sent your heart racing and you hoped she would hold onto you longer but as soon as your friends greeted you, she let go

“GRATTIS PÅ FÖDELSEDAGEN!” they shouted, grabbing you and practically tossing you back and forth between them before you noticed (Y/N)’s uncomfortable expression. You moved your hand to rest on her back

“Guys, this is my friend, (Y/N),” you said, pushing her forward so they could see her, “(Y/N), this is George, Niklas, Ollie, Sam, Malcolm, Dustin, Eric and Corey”

“Wow,” she exhaled with a laugh, looking at you as she tried to think of something to say, “forgive me if I mix up your names. Jake moves a lot faster than I do”

“Guess that’s what makes him a good goalie?” Ollie joked and (Y/N) nodded

“So you guys are just friends?” Dustin pried

“Yes” (Y/N) was quick to answer and you hoped that none of the boys noticed your face fall

“Let’s get some drinks!” Niklas exclaimed, directing (Y/N) to the bar while the rest of you followed behind them

“Så är du verkligen bara vänner?” George started, speaking Swedish so (Y/N) wouldn’t be able to understand

“Ja” you scoffed

“Av eget val?” Corey asked

“Så klart det är” you countered

“Ja? Din eller hennes?” Dustin teased

“What are you boys gossiping about?” (Y/N) laughed before you could answer, catching your eyes and a pathetic smile as the group sat at the bar

“They’re just asking when I’m gonna win the cup” you lied

“Did you guys meet here? In Calgary?” Ollie asked her, ignoring your lie

“No, actually we met in Vancouver,” she admitted with a smile, “in 2016?”

“Yep,” you added, “the end of 2016. We were instant friends”

“No we weren’t” she laughed

“What?!” you said, shocked at her confession

“Ooh, Jakey, what did you do?” Malcolm teased

“Nothing! I was a complete gentleman” you tried

“No he was,” she laughed, placing her hand on your arm to reassure you, “you were. He was very sweet but he knew I knew who he was and I didn’t really wanna give in to it, you know what I mean? But we kinda stayed in touch for a couple days, had lunch with some of my friends, he got us tickets to a game and made us feel welcome and all that. It was all very sweet”

“So what was the issue?” Malcolm asked, as if he knew something had changed

“I got a job in Calgary. I had moved to Vancouver for University but I was about to graduate and the island was a little too expensive to live on after having the loans I had. So when I moved back to Calgary, we just kinda couldn’t really become friends” she replied

“But obviously you did” Corey added

“He found me on Instagram and added me,“ she laughed and you could feel your face fill with heat, “then he just wouldn’t leave me alone”

“And then he got traded here” Sam finally added, earning a round of laughs from everyone when they realized he hadn’t said anything

“Then he got traded here. During a Pandemic, in the weirdest season of Hockey I’ve ever witnessed” she laughed

“She flipped when I told her”

“I hadn’t kept up with the trade deadline” she added

“So she was in the middle of a Zoom call or something” you continued, the two of you now telling the story together

“When I get this text”

“I wrote, purposely very cryptically, I’m coming to see you”

“And I was obviously very creeped out”

“But she still replied”

“Well, I had to figure out what the hell he was talking about!” she laughed, pushing your shoulder playfully

“Sure but you could’ve just been like ‘this is a joke’ and left it at that” you teased before she rolled her eyes

“Anyway…” she smirked, “I sent back a message asking what the hell he was talking about”

“So I told her I got traded and she sent a voice note practically screaming”

“I was excited”

“I was nervous but I was happy that I’d have a friend in the city outside of hockey”

“So I asked him when he was going to get into the city, to see if we could meet up”

“I told her”

“But then Alberta went into a weird quasi-lockdown and I didn’t want to get him in trouble”

“So we FaceTimed”

“Which we’d obviously done a million times over the years”

“We caught up”

“Planned to get together”

“Which we did, pretty soon after, and now here we are”

“Here you are” George interjected, leading you and (Y/N) to laugh awkwardly before each taking a sip from your respective drinks and Niklas pointed out a booth where everyone could sit and talk without having to crane your necks. After a while, and a few more cocktails, everyone seemed to be getting along which, honestly, made you smile; something that Ollie was all too quick to notice.

"I'll be right back" (Y/N) said with a smile before she started to push you out of the booth, leaving you with your friends and their very obvious questions

"Before you say anything," you smirked, "just don't"

"Come on" George laughed

"If you already know what we're going to say, why don't you answer the question?" Sam added

"Come on, Jakey" Malcolm teased

"Säg det" Corey added

"Säg vad?" you played dumb

"Kom igen..." Eric continued

"Ingen aning om vad du pratar om..."

"Hur länge har du älskat henne?" Dustin finally asked

"Hey!" you exclaimed when you saw (Y/N), trying to get them to forget about the question

"Hi," she said, caught off guard by your excitement, "everything okay?"

"Yeah" you answered, letting her back in before you squeezed in next to her

"You sure?" she said, furrowing her brow

"Yeah! We just wanted to get another round but wanted to make sure you were here before we did..."

"You're a terrible liar" she laughed, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear and exposing her neck

"Så... ska du berätta för henne att du älskar henne eller måste någon av oss göra det?" Sam said, causing (Y/N)'s head to ping pong back and forth between the two of you, as if she was trying to understand what he said to you

"What did he say?" she asked you, leaning into you, causing your cheeks to flush with heat

"Nothing," you said, distracted by her peach-scented shampoo and the way she didn't move away from you, clearing your throat when you realized that you were almost moving toward her, "they're just teasing me. You all have that in common”

“Yeah, something tells me that’s not what he said” she smirked, her eyes dancing between yours before she sat back up and continued talking with the guys; they told her stories about how you were as a kid, she laughed and said that you hadn’t changed at all.

“It was nice to meet you, (Y/N),” Malcolm said, “take care of him while we’re gone okay?”

“I will” she smiled

“Take care of yourself, too” Corey added

“Thanks”

“And you,” George pointed to you with a smirk, “you take care of her”

“Yeah yeah yeah” you joked

"Vi är seriösa, J," Niklas said, "Hon är för bra för dig men om du tar hand om henne ..."

"Då vet du..." Sam added, raising his eyebrows as (Y/N) called a cab

"Allvarligt killar, sluta" you sighed

"Du älskar henne" Ollie whispered

"Berätta bara för henne," Dustin said while Eric nodded his head

"Det är inte så enkelt" you sighed, watching (Y/N) continue to try to hail a cab and fail, dropping her head in annoyance

“Come on!” you heard her yell, earning a scoff from you

”Har jag varit kär i henne i ungefär två år? Ja," you confessed, "spelar det någon roll? Nej, för hon känner inte samma sak om mig och jag tänker inte tvinga henne att känna något hon inte gör”

"Tycker du inte att hon förtjänar att veta det?" Sam asked

"Vi såg hur hon såg på dig," Ollie grinned, "Jag tror att det finns några känslor där"

"Jag tror inte det" you sighed once more, looking over at (Y/N) who had successfully hailed a cab

“Jake!!” she called excitedly, a huge smile spread across her face, “come on! It was nice to meet you guys!” she called to your friends and they waved her goodbye, “Jake, I can’t keep this guy waiting forever!”

"Du bör gå" George laughed

"Hon är så bossig" Corey joked

"Ja, det är hon" you smirked, looking at her calling you to the small yellow car and telling the driver to wait just one more minute. ”Okej killar, jag måste gå. Tack för att du kom in för att önska mig en grattis på födelsedagen,” you smiled, “Ha en säker flygning tillbaka”

"Kommer att göra, Jakey," Malcolm said

“Hallå!” Niklas interrupted one last time, "Berätta bara för henne"

“Adjö” you shook your head before smiling and waving them goodbye

“Geez! Took you long enough!” (Y/N) whined, hopping into the backseat of the cab with you close behind

“Relax, I had to say goodbye. They came a long way” you replied

“Such a good friend,” she said, “can I just stay at your place tonight? I’m exhausted”

“Yeah that’s fine” you agreed, letting your hand fall next to hers, brushing her skin with your pinky and waiting for someone to break the silence

“Where to?” the driver finally asked, bringing your attention to him before giving him your address

“Your friends were nice,” (Y/N) added wearily, “they didn’t really like to talk in English though did they?”

“Their Swedish is better”

“That’s fair” she yawned, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the window. You smiled as thoughts of how your life could be with her — falling asleep next to her, caressing her skin as she slept, pushing her hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear so you could kiss her softly — but you knew she didn’t feel the same, so all you would ever be was friends.

You fell asleep in the cab next to Jacob but you could swear you felt him watching you. He did wake you up, gently, when the cab pulled up in front of his apartment.

“(Y/N)?” he whispered, “hey”

“Hi. What’s going on?”

“It’s time to go inside” he smirked

“Oh” you scoffed, pushing yourself across the bench seat and stepping out of the cab, stumbling into Jacob when you finally stood up

“Whoa” he chuckled, placing his arm around your waist to keep you from falling

“I’m sorry,” she whined as you both stepped into the elevator, leaning back against the cold metal and away from Jake. “I didn’t think I drank that much but I guess I couldn’t keep up with you guys”

“It’s okay,” he laughed and you started to drift off to sleep again, “hey, we’re almost to my place, don’t fall asleep here okay?”

“Okay” you hummed before he started to keep you awake by telling you jokes. “Oh my god, Jake, stop!” you laughed, “your jokes are awful”

“Hey! My jokes are pure gold” he countered

“Sure they are” you scoffed. When the elevator finally opened, you slowly walked out, swaying and stumbling through the hallway before Jake eventually placed his hands on your waist and guided you to the door

“Alright, here we are. Come on, drunky”

“Why aren’t you more drunk?” you finally asked, only now noticing that he seemed very sober

“I’m twice your size,” he laughed, “I can manage a bit more alcohol than you”

“Yeah but you’re like… sober. Like you didn’t drink at all” you questioned before stumbling into his chest

“Oh-kay, let’s just get you to sleep,” he said, carrying you to his bedroom

“Hey mister,” you slurred, “what do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m putting you in bed” he said

“This is your bed, I don’t know what kind of ideas you have in your little Swedish brain”

“Don’t worry, kid,” he scoffed, setting you down on the firm mattress before tucking you under the covers, “I’ll be in the guest room”

“Wait!” you called as he started walking away, “happy birthday” you smiled, realizing you hadn’t said it to him nearly all-day

“Thanks,” he whispered and you saw him smile while he began closing the door, “now get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.” The next morning, you heard him in the kitchen, trying to be as quiet as possible, rummaging around the cabinets

“Hey sleepy head!” he exclaimed

“Oh wow,” you replied softly, rubbing your temples, “why are you yelling like that?”

"I'm sorry," he whispered but it still felt like yelling, "am I annoying you?"

"What are you doing?" you asked, glaring at him while you sat down on the stool at the kitchen island

"I'm making pancakes!" he smiled

"You can't cook" you groaned, still rubbing your temples in hopes that it would cure your hangover

"Wow, rude," he joked, throwing a metal spoon into his sink and you shuddered at the ringing of the steel that echoed through the room, "do you want some aspirin?"

"Yes please" you smiled gratefully

"Here" he said, handing you a glass of water and two small pills

"Thank you," you said and he saluted you lazily, earning a scoff from you, "so what's going on today? Post birthday plans?"

"My mom is calling in soon and then I have to go to practice, we've got a game tomorrow. In Vancouver, so we're flying out this afternoon," he replied, keeping his eyes on the food in front of him while he spoke, "so the day is pretty much set..."

"Oh," you said, clearing your throat as you finished your glass of water, "okay. I'll just... leave you to it then"

"What?" he scoffed, "I didn't mean it li-- you're not gonna stay and talk to my mom? You know she loves you more than she loves me"

"Well, I am very lovable," you teased, smiling at him until your headache forced you to stop, "but I don't want to intrude or anything. I'll just grab my phone and get an Uber so I can head home"

"Stop it," he huffed, turning off the burner and walking over to you, "I'll drive you home later, just stay and chat with me and Mom" he placed his hands on your arms before his eyes focused on your own and you found yourself unable to resist his insistence; your pursed smile giving it away before you could

"Fine," you finally said, "I'll stay."

"Good" he smirked, turning back to grab you a pancake, practically tossing the plate to you. When his mom finally Facetimed him, he was in the other room so you were forced to greet her first

"Hey, Lena!" you exclaimed

"(Y/N)! Darling! How are you?" she asked, her smile so much like her sons

"I'm good, how are you?"

"I'm good! Thank you for asking," she smiled, looking past you for Jake, "now, where is my son?"

"He's probably off puking somewhere," you joked, "he really can't handle his alcohol in his old age"

"His tolerance must have lowered since moving to Canada"

"Especially when the actual alcohol percentages are so low compared to Sweden"

"I'm disappointed in him" she laughed

"Me too!" you added, laughing with her before Jake finally walked into frame, standing behind you with his arms on either side of you and his chin resting on the top of your head

"Alright you two," he smirked, "stop making fun of me"

"It's your fault," you teased, tilting your head so you were looking up at him directly, "not being in the room and all"

"When will I learn?" he joked, looking down at you before making a funny face

"Never. You'll never learn. You're impossible" you laughed, sticking your tongue out at him as he pushed your shoulder and sat down in the seat beside you

"You two are so sweet" Lena smirked

"Ma..." Jake sighed

"We are sweet, aren't we?" you replied, noticing both Lena and Jacob shake their heads; granted, with different expressions on their face

"It's not--" he started, exasperated after having clearly had this conversation with his mom more than once

"What's wrong?" you asked, confused

"I think you're the most adorable couple I've ever seen, honestly" Lena admitted and you scoffed, a blush creeping into your cheeks

"Oh, whoa," you smiled, "Jake, have you been going around telling your parents we're dating?"

"No" he sighed, closing his eyes lightly as if he was embarrassed

"I've been trying to get him to ask you out for months now but he won't do it" she teased

"Well, he wouldn't," you said, looking between the mother and son, "because we're just friends. He wouldn't want to ruin that"

"Alright mom," he said, over the back and forth, "enough of this conversation. I've got to take (Y/N) home, okay? Love you, thanks for the chat"

"Hey, Jacob!" Lena yelled before he could end the call, "we haven't spoken, don't hang up on me like that"

"I'll just.. go wait outside" you whispered, watching him sit down in front of his computer to await the disappointed words that his mom would soon say to him. You waited outside for a few minutes before checking if his truck was unlocked, sitting on the step when you saw that it wasn't and realizing that if you tried to open the door, the alarm would go off. It was another hour before Jacob finally came outside to meet you

"Sorry about that" he sighed

"That's okay. She called to talk to you, I'd be upset too if someone tried to hang up on me when I specifically called t--"

"Yeah, I get it," he said through bared teeth, "let's just go, okay? I have to be at practice soon" you furrowed your brow but got into the passenger seat, looking at him take a deep breath before starting the car. You thought about the words his mother used when she spoke about you and Jacob. You two are so sweet, the most adorable couple I've ever seen, I've been trying to get him to ask you out for months. It was all kind of odd to you. Not only that Lena had said it, or that she and Jake had clearly had the conversation before, but that he was so irritated by the whole interaction. Why was he so upset? you thought to yourself. Did he think you were embarrassed? Did he think that you would be hurt that he had never agreed to take you out on a date? Or was there something that he had said to Lena that he didn't want you to hear?

"Jake?" you said, as he drove through the city silently but he didn't respond. Soon enough, he pulled up outside of your apartment building and you hesitated before finally jumping out of the car, with just enough time to clear the door before Jake sped away from you. What the fuck? you scoffed, heading inside in hopes of clearing your head. You spent the day racking your brain about what could have gotten Jake so upset but nothing came to mind; nothing you said was rude, or at least you didn't think it was, and everything was true, so what was his deal?

"Tell me exactly what happened?" your friend, Susie, asked from the other end of the phone after you had explained the morning to her

"Again?" you whined

"Yes, again, I need to know if you're missing something"

"We went for drinks last night, for his birthday, with his friends. We all laughed and had a good time. I drank too much, stayed at his place, in separate rooms. When I woke up, we joked around like we always do, he gave me some aspirin and made some pancakes before his mom called from Sweden" you exclaimed, smirking to yourself a little while you thought of the conversation you and Lena had before Jake came back into the room. "She loves me, so we joked about Jake a bunch but then he came into the room, stood behind me and rested his chin on my head. I looked up at him and we teased each other a bit more. Lena said we were sweet, I said yeah of course but Jake seemed to.. argue with her? I don't know, Lena kept going saying that we made a cute couple but I corrected her, saying we were just friends. My exact words were to Jake 'have you been going around telling your parents we're dating?' to which he said No and then Lena said she's been trying to get him to ask me out for a while but he's always said no"

"And what did you say...?" Susie interjected, her tone telling you that she was hearing something that you clearly weren't

"I said that he wouldn't ask me out because we were just friends," you replied plainly. It was the truth, what was wrong with that? "and that he wouldn't want to ruin that"

"He wouldn't?" she questioned with a scoff before continuing, "fine. What happened after that?"

"Things got weird and tense. I let them talk alone and then he drove me home in a weird mood. He barely talked to me, he barely even looked at me!"

"(Y/N)..." she sighed, "(Y/N), (Y/N), (Y/N)..."

"What? What? What?" you scoffed in reply

"HOW ARE YOU SO BLIND?!" she shouted through the phone, forcing you to pull it from your ear for a minute

"What are you talking about?"

"I've seen it for years," she said, "but I always thought you knew. But you really don't, do you?"

"Know what? What have you seen for years?"

"The way you'd stop everything when he called, the way you'd schedule FaceTimes like clockwork, the way he knows your favourite colour as it changes from week to week. The fact that he could have anyone he wanted, who would want him back, but he chooses to ask you to hang out with him all the time, from a different province? A different time zone?" she explained but you were still lost

"We're friends. We like hanging out with each other and we can't really do that in person because of what's happening now. Plus, he's so busy..."

"(Y/N)!!!" she yelled again, "COME ON!"

"JUST SPIT IT OUT! I'm clearly not gonna get what you're trying to get me to get..."

"He's been in love with you for years. Probably since the two of you started really getting to know each other," she said and the words hung in the air as you tried to grasp them, "but when you said that you were just friends? He probably thought that he was never going to be anything more than that to you. Maybe he thinks he's wasted his time all these years"

"He's not in love with me" was all you could think to say

"Yes, he is," she laughed, "and you're in love with him"

"Now, hold on," you scoffed, "I'm pretty sure I would know if I were in love with somebody"

"Would you?"

"Of course I would"

"Fine," she replied, seemingly dropping the conversation, "but he is in love with you and I think you need to talk to him about it"

"And say what?" you asked

"I don't know..." she said, her smirk ever present on her words, "but I'm sure you'll think of something"

"Susi--"

"I gotta go," she interrupted, "keep me in the loop. Love you, bye!"

"WAIT!" you shouted to a now static line, "well what the fuck...?" you said to yourself. You were left alone with the thought that Jake might have feelings for you and the words that Susie tried to convince you were true

"You're in love with him, too" it was nonsense. You couldn't love Jake... It was Jake. He was Jacob Markström. Was there a part of you that found him attractive? Yes. Yeah, sure but were you in love with him? No. No, there's no way.

"FUCK!" you shouted to your empty apartment, as you paced through the living room, "why would she say that? It doesn't matter. I don't love him. I mean, he's Jake. He's just the guy who teases me for literally every move I make. So, he knows that my favourite colour changes every week, who cares? That doesn't mean anything. Sure, you knew that he loves Country music more than he's actually confessed in his interviews, but that's just what happens when you're friends with someone. And, yes, when the light hit him just right, he looked like he was covered in gold but that's not him. That's the sun... It's not like he's a god or anything, he's just got blonde hair and the sun does stuff to blonde hair..." you could feel yourself making excuses but you had to because maybe you didn't want it to be true. You couldn't be in love with him, could you? "Fuck" you sighed.

Jacob's P.O.V

You had been ignoring (Y/N) for almost a week at this point. You weren’t sure what to do or say to her knowing now, for sure, that she only thought of you as friends but you hated not having her around. She had become such an integral part of your life and not having her there just felt... wrong

“Jake, talk to me, please!” she texted and you sighed, staring at your phone and contemplating an answer but you just couldn’t think of something to say, “JAKE! I know you’re getting these messages. Just let me talk to you please. If you don’t want to say anything fine but I need to talk to you”

“Are you gonna leave me alone if I let you talk?” you finally gave in

“Yes,” she sent back, “but I need to see you to say all of this...”

“Seriously?” you scoffed

“Yes. Seriously. Please?”

“Fine. When are you free?”

“Right now!” she replied quickly

“I can’t right now. I literally just walked into the locker room, how about tomorrow?”

“How about after practice? I can meet you at the Dome...”

“Fine” you huffed to yourself

“Everything okay?” Tanny asked when he heard your exasperation

“Yeah” you sighed, holding up your phone to let him know that it was something on there

“Great!” (Y/N) added, “I’ll see you at four?”

“Yeah sure, fine” you tossed your phone into the shelf in your stall and rubbed your face in frustration

“Yo, Marky...” Chris continued, noticing your stress, “seriously man, what’s going on?”

“(Y/N) wants to meet up and ‘talk’” you replied, putting air quotes around talk

“The girlfriend wants to break up huh?” he chirped and you scoffed, shaking your head in return

“I’ve been ignoring her for like a week. I don’t know what to say to her... I’ve been able to hide my feelings for her for so long but she finally said to my mom, on my birthday, that all we’ll ever be is friends and, I don’t know, I just don’t know what to say to her. I don’t know if I can hide how I feel anymore”

“She has feelings for you, too” he said

“Yeah.. she thinks of me as a big brother”

“No,” he countered, “she has the same feelings for you as you do for her. She’s just scared to admit it”

“Why would she be scared to admit it?” you said dumbly

“Because,” he smirked, “it would mean admitting that guys and girls can’t just be friends. That there’s always some kind of attraction and that sex gets in the way”

“Sex?” you blushed

“I’m not saying you’ve had sex or that you’re going to,” he admitted, “I’m just saying, I’ve met (Y/N) before and she’s always said that she doesn’t agree with the idea that guys and girls can’t be friends because someone always wants to sleep with someone else. But if she admits to having feelings for you, then all of that becomes... hypocritical”

“She wouldn’t be that petty...”

“I wouldn’t call it petty,” he said, heading back toward his stall to continue putting on his gear, “I would call it stubborn.” By the end of practice, you were looking for (Y/N) everywhere but there was no one in the stands and you figured she must have wanted to meet you in the parking lot so you could drive her somewhere private. You took a quick shower and packed up your bag, looking at your phone quickly to see if there was anything from her but your screen was clear, forcing your brow to crease in response

“Take it easy, guys” you smiled as you made your way out of the locker room, waving to the team before catching Tanny give you a head nod. You practically ran out of the building to find (Y/N) when you saw her arguing with a security guard

“Oh, Jake! Finally. I’ve been arguing with this guy for like an hour. He wouldn’t let me in!” she explained through gritted teeth

“It’s fine. Thank you,” you said to the guard, pulling her away from him and toward your car, “what is wrong with you? You can’t argue with Security, you’re tiny. You’re not a threat, you just look like a chihuahua”

“Ha ha” she replied sarcastically

“Am I taking you somewhere to talk or what’s going on?” you spat

“Do you wanna go somewhere?” she asked

“I wanna know what you wanna talk about and then maybe I can decide if we should go somewhere” you admitted, stomping off to your car

“I wanna talk about us” she whimpered as she caught up to you. You caught her eye for just a second before shaking your head

“Get in the car” you scoffed and she did as you told her. The two of you were silent for a while before (Y/N) tried to get you to start talking but you shushed her, keeping the ride silent aside from the radio until you got to relatively empty part of Prince’s Island Park. “Alright,” you said sternly as you slammed the door shut, “talk”

“I...” she hesitated, closing the door lightly

“What?”

“I never--”

“Never meant to hurt me?” you interrupted thinking you were finishing her thought

“I never wanted to be with you...” she admitted and you scoffed in return

“Wow... thanks. Glad we could have this talk”

“No, wait, Jake, stop,” she sighed, “I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t realize how you felt until like a week ago. Apparently, everyone else around me knew but I was too stupid to see it. I thought we both wanted the same thing”

“And that was to never be with each other?”

“I thought we just wanted a friend”

“Because I can’t get my own friends?”

“Because I didn’t think you thought of me like that” she shouted

“Why not?” you exclaimed

“You never really did anything to make me think otherwise!”

“Sure I did!”

“Jake... come on. You never did anything differently...”

“I drove you places” you tried and she scoffed

“Oh no, you’re right,” she teased, “how could I not have known?”

“How about me calling on Valentine’s Day?”

“How was I supposed to know that was anything other than you having a day off?” It was a fair point, actually. She knew that you’d often lose track of days when you were on the road and, sometimes, you’d miss holidays altogether

“I never forgot your birthday!” you said as if that proved something

“And?”

“And... you should’ve known then”

“Jake, it doesn’t matter,” she sighed, “the point is that I didn’t notice until now.”

“So what?” you asked, “you wanted to talk to tell me that you never wanted to be with me? I don’t get why you couldn’t just wait for me to come to you or why you had to stop everything for this”

“Jake..”

“I mean no, you didn’t stop everything but you might as well have”

“Jake...” you heard her say, trying to get you to stop but you continued rambling

“But that’s what I do. For you. I drop everything as soon as you call or text because you need me and I like that you need me, so I stop and run to you”

“Jacob!”

“WHAT?”

“I LOVE YOU, TOO” she shouted over you, her eyes closing softly when she realized how loud she was. “I didn’t realize it until I looked back at everything and I didn’t think it was actually how I felt because, I mean, it’s you...” she chuckled, “and it’s me. We couldn’t be an ‘us’ but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted there to be an ‘us.‘ I knew you were mad, you weren’t taking my calls or responding to my texts -- even though I saw that you had read them -- and I didn’t want to make things worse but I hated not having you around to tell me that I burnt my pizza, again, or that I should eat more fish or that I was a terrible tour guide. I hated not hearing your voice everyday or seeing your smile,” you began walking toward her as she continued to ramble, your heart warm with each word that left her lips, “I was always confused why you weren’t with anyone and why I was happy that you never were but when I figured it out, everything made sense. You finally made sense...” she stopped when you stood in front of her, closing any space between the two of you

“You done?” you asked with a smirk

“I-I think so...” she stammered as your hands crept to the sides of her neck, your thumb pushing her chin up so you could lean down and capture her lips slowly. She welcomed your lips as if they had been missing from hers for a lifetime but her arms stayed at her sides for a minute longer until it was too much for her and she let her hands clutch your wrists while your tongue glided across her lip to gain access inside her mouth. She let out a small moan when her mouth opened, earning a smirk from you before your hands fell from her neck, down her body, until they cupped her ass and you picked her up; her legs instinctively wrapping your hips, mirroring her arms wrapping around your neck. You set her down on the hood of your car while your tongues intertwined with each other and her fingers tangled in your hair. It took a while for either of you to break the kiss, leaving her chest heaving as she tried to her breath

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long” you laughed as her head fell against your chest and you kissed her forehead

“And?” she asked, lifting her head back up to look at you

“It was better than I thought it would be”

“Gee,” she scoffed, pushing your shoulder playfully, “thanks”

“I think we just need to keep doing it” you teased

“I can do that”

“Good” you whispered, leaning back in to press a kiss to her lips as she smiled against your lips

“Maybe we should go somewhere private” she whispered

“Sure” you replied, distracted by the feel of her skin under your fingertips, before you moved your lips to her neck, eliciting small whimpers from her

“Jake...” she moaned and you hummed against her skin, smirking to yourself, “somewhere private...”

“Fine,” you smirked, reluctantly agreeing with you before picking her up again to carry her back into the passenger seat. You sat in the drivers seat but didn’t make any moves, half hoping that she’d pull you into the backseat and say that this was ‘private enough’ but she didn’t do that. Instead, she leaned across the centre console and kissed your cheek

“Let’s go” she whispered in your ear, making you smile before your hand found its way to her knee, stationing itself there throughout the drive. She stopped you from moving your hand further up your thigh by grabbing it, holding it with both of hers

“Hey,” you whispered, bringing her hand to your lips, “we’re gonna have a lot of fun together”

“Yeah,” she smiled, “I think so, too.”

#Jacob Markström #Jacob Markstrom #Jacob Markstrom Imagine #Jacob Markstrom fic #Jacob Markström Imagine #Jacob Markström fic #NHL #Hockey #Calgary Flames #Hockey Fic #Hockey Imagine #Vancouver Canucks #Flames #Canucks #Friends to Lovers #masterlist #the other masterlist

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roonilwazlibimagines · 4 years ago

Note

Hi! Ik it might take you a while to see this but here goes :) Can I request a Sirius x Reader, post-hogwarts (but when Lily and James were still alive) and reader and Sirius are in a toxic relationship where they truly love eachother but things are just always on and off, yk? And nobody ever knows wether they’re going to walk into the room all lovey dovey or walk into the room screaming at eachother, and you can decide the ending but please make it angsty :)

Pairing: Sirius Black x Female Reader Word Count: 4.7k Blurb: James and Lily plan a get-together to tell their friends some exciting news, but it doesn’t go to planned. Warnings: Lot’s of fighting and yelling, toxic relationship and swearing, little bit of Jily where she keeps slapping James on the chest but it is playful and I couldn’t resist writing it I’m sorry. A/N: Everyone in my inbox: ‘please write a part 2 to worst of you’, Me: *writes a fic with the same plot but at a different time*

Everyone seemed to freeze as a loud popping noise was emitted from outside the Potter household. It was an unusually warm January night and the Potter’s were glad the weather had held off for their usual ‘get-together’ with their school friends.

“Five galleons that they’re angry at each other,” James’ smirk was soon replaced with a frown as Lily playfully slapped his shoulder.

“James! They’re our friends, don’t be so mean,” she tsked and shook her head, standing up to let the visitors in and missing Remus’ slight nod to James.

James, Remus and Peter sat in the Potter’s lounge room seemingly frozen as they anticipated the state in which their friends would arrive. They really didn’t intend to be so mean to them. They cared and loved for them and had practically grown up as they had spent most of their Hogwarts life with the both of them. Sure a lot of that time was spent separately, but it was still spent together.

They had begun dating in their fourth year, they were both young and in love and they were both the other’s first, well, everything. They broke up at the beginning of fifth year and Sirius had done it. Something about not wanting to be kept down his entire life and needing a change - the reasons seemed to blur after a while. They had remained friendly with the both of them, but neither of them could stand to be in the same room as the other so that made it quite difficult to spend time with either of them. Until just before Christmas when the odd couple got back together because during their time apart they had realised that there was no one else for them. Until the second week back at school when she claimed to come to her senses and had realised that Sirius was never going to change and she could not spend a second longer with him. That was, of course, until after exams during the small Common Room party when they had woken up to the two of them in Sirius’ bed. All was well until about a month later and then it became hard to keep up with their odd relationship.

It wasn’t that they didn’t care about them - because they did care about them both very much - but it was hard trying to keep up with them when one minute they were having a screaming match in the Gryffindor Common Room for all the first years to gawk at and the other they were cuddled up on Sirius’ bed pathetically telling the other everything they loved about them.

Everyone was concerned (more intrigued) about what would happen to the odd couple after Hogwarts but nothing seemed to change. They weren’t dating when they officially graduated Hogwarts but by the next week when James invited them all over for a graduation celebration they were practically joined at the hip. That was, of course, until Sirius realised that he was free now that he was out of Hogwarts which led to a very loud screaming match on the Potter’s front porch where the three boys and Lily were sat in a similar position to where they were now: silent and nervous as they listened to their friends crying outside.

“Bit awkward that they bought a house together now, isn’t it?” James’ voice was unusually high as he tried to make light of the very awkward situation they were in when they heard a popping noise and realised the screaming had finally ended. Similarly, Lily had playfully slapped his shoulder and scoffed, going outside to go and comfort her crying her friend.

After that break-up James had asked Lily what she thought they did now that they lived together as opposed to Hogwarts where they could break up and get together as much as they pleased, both having their own dormitory to resign to at the end of it all. Lily had, once again, playfully slapped his shoulder making him exasperatedly ask, ‘what?! I’m curious,’ and so was Remus and Peter.

“Well don’t tell anyone this but she told me that they have separate rooms and sometimes when it’s really bad Sirius goes to The Leaky Cauldron.” Lucky Remus and Peter weren’t just anyone.

Now it had been over a year since they had graduated and the odd couple were still on and off and were currently just getting over a break-up which had also occurred at the Potter household during their last get-together. But apparently Sirius had come to his wits and came knocking at her door at two in the morning begging for forgiveness and they were just about to see whether or not it had worked.

“Sorry we’re so late,” the three boys looked at each other; eyes wide, “Sirius couldn’t decide what to wear.”

“I just want to look the best for you.” They heard a giggle and a smooching noise as Lily reassured them that they were hardly late. Remus smirked as he stood up and reached his hand out to a disgruntled James who sighed as he fished in his pockets for five galleons.

James didn’t plan on making this a game (especially not with the amount of money he was losing), but how could they not when they knew that the two ‘lovers’ would walk in either at each other’s necks and fighting or at each other’s necks and leaving a few ‘marks’.

“Hi everyone,” she was beaming and cheerful and she came around to give a big hug to everyone with Sirius trailing behind her and doing the same, “we missed you so much.”

The Potter’s had two single lounges on either side of a three-seater lounge all facing a small table and a fireplace. James and Peter were sat on either side of the three-seater with Lily resuming her place in the middle and Remus on one of the single-seaters.

“C’mere love,” Sirius mumbled in her ear as his hand wrapped around her wrist and led her to the other single-seater, sitting himself down and bringing her to sit on his lap. She leant her head on his chest and he put his arms around her waist.

She felt content. She was sure that no matter how strange and chaotic their relationship was, her and Sirius were meant to be together. They were the other’s first love and when she fit so perfectly into his embrace how could she ever think otherwise?

Sirius let out a sigh and a small smile formed on his face. He wasn’t really sure about anything in his life but this just seemed to make sense. He gave her a little squeeze before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Sure they had their moments, but isn’t love about getting through them all?

Lily cleared her throat, trying to bring the attention of James, Peter and Remus to anywhere else but the odd couple. They were being anything but subtle with James and Peter’s bodies completely turned to face them and Remus practically off his seat all trying to get the best view of the time bomb sitting in front of them.

“So, what have we all been up to since the last time we saw each other?” Lily regretted the words that left her mouth as soon as she said it, but she smiled confidently at them all as if she hadn’t said anything wrong.

Of course, the last time they had all been together that bomb had gone off and they all had front row seats.

Really, they should have seen it coming. Her cheerful smile was a blank expression and Sirius’ teasing comments were replaced with a, ‘they don’t know we broke up, just smile and act like everything is fine’ which they definitely weren’t meant to hear and which the odd couple definitely didn’t achieve.

They had joked about it afterwards that it was the shortest amount of time it had taken them to start fighting.

“Lily this wine is amazing, where did you get it from?” Sirius was sitting as far away from her as he could manage, their distance - lounges away - contrasting to the close proximity they were in now.

“Oh, I got it from The Leaky Cauldron as a gift from Tom,” Lily seemed like she was about to continue before she was cut off.

“I’m surprised you haven’t tried it if it’s from The Leaky Cauldron,” she couldn’t contain the smirk forming on her lips, “don’t you spend a lot of time there, Sirius?” She was going to stop there, she really was, but seeing Sirius’ hand clench on the arm rest seemed to ignite something in her and before she knew it she was asking, “or where you too busy fucking whatever whore came in that you didn’t have time to try their wine?” It took James, Peter and Remus every fibre of their being not to start whooping and shouting because as much as they loved Sirius, it was quite hilarious.

“Yes, I was actually,” Sirius stood up, “best sex I’ve ever had.”

“Oh shut up!” She stood and got up in his face. There was a moment of silence with Sirius’ glare challenging her sneer. Then, in a mumble which the rest of them could hardly make out he asked, “do you think I could have a word with you outside?”

“Gladly.”

It was more than a word. It was actually a lot of words. A lot of mean and nasty words which they all could hear as they sat inside in a similar position to where they were the first time they had fought like this when they first left Hogwarts. It was oddly silent in the house, with the only noise being their two friends screeching at each other outside.

“You’re the one who sent me to The Leaky Cauldron,” Sirius’ voice was shrill and loud.

“Well maybe if you stopped acting like a child I wouldn’t have broken up with you,” her voice somehow was louder than his.

“Well maybe if you weren’t always so serious about everything then I wouldn’t have to.”

“You always fucking do this Sirius,” her voice started out softly but it rose towards the end.

“Whatever, I don’t need this,” he sighed and with a quick, “fuck this,” Sirius disapparated and soon she was awkwardly walking into the lounge-room, tears threatening to spill as she excused herself and went home for the night.

“Well Sirius and I got back together,” she let out a small laughm turning her head to Sirius who was playfully rolling his eyes at her.

Peter’s eyes widened, Remus almost choked on his drink and James cleared his throat as Lily laughed with her friend and gave James an encouraging kick to the shin so he would laugh with her.

“Thank Merlin we did,” Sirius whispered, pressing a soft kiss to her nose as everyone let their awkward giggles die down.

She knew what everyone thought of their relationship. People might say that she was dumb for constantly going back to Sirius, but they didn’t know him like she did. Sure they all had front row seats to their constant bickering and fighting but they weren’t there when they got home and were tangled up in each other's arms with Sirius telling her everything he loved about her. But, of course, she wasn’t naive enough to think that the people around them hadn’t spoken about the eventful ending to their last ‘get-together’ and so why not address the elephant in the room?

Sirius also knew what everyone thought of their relationship. But he didn’t like people knowing the details, he was very private when it came to his relationships and why did people need to know anything about it?

But he still smiled at her because this was their friends she was speaking to, they were like family and maybe it was okay if she let slip a few details about their relationship.

“Obviously, last time we were here it was a bit different,” she turned around to face everyone else, a small smile forming on her lips as Sirius hummed and made a conscious effort to unclench his jaw. “But Sirius came home and apologised and we made up and trust me, we definitely made up,” she giggled before opening her mouth to continue.

“Okay, I think they get it, love,” Sirius let out an awkward giggle as he spoke through gritted teeth.

“Well if they can hear us screeching on their front porch then they can-”

“Well they didn’t have to hear us screeching on their front porch.” Her head snapped around to look at him smiling sweetly at her.

“What is that meant to mean?” She squinted her eyes at him as he took his hands off her waist.

“Nothing, my love.” Sirius let out a deep sigh before pressing a soft kiss to the top of her temple. They were finally in a good place and he really didn’t want to pick a fight with her right here in front of their friends. Again.

She glared at him hoping that he would understand how mad she was at him for picking a fight and then ending it as if it was all her fault.

There was an awkward silence before James cleared his throat and everyone’s attention was brought to James.

She felt a heat rise to her chest in embarrassment as she realised how pathetic their little row actually was and as James opened his mouth to start speaking she mumbled an ‘I’m sorry’ to Sirius who brought his arms back around her waist and whispered an ‘it’s okay,’ before softly kissing her cheek and bringing his attention to James. Maybe he had overreacted.

“So I know Lily and I always invite you over for little ‘get-togethers’ because you’re our family and we love you all and we want to stay this close forever.” He turned to Lily and placed a hand on her thigh. She put her hand over his and beamed. They all looked around at each other and smiled in an acknowledgement that they were family and they did love each other very much.

“And while this is all very true, James and I actually invited you because, well,” her and James looked at each other and let out a breathy laugh, “we are going to be extending our family.” Their beaming faces turned to look at their friend’s confused ones before Lily almost screeched, “I’m pregnant!”

A chorus of cheers broke out in the small living room as everyone got up to hug the new parents.

“Lily, oh my gosh!” she let out a squeal as she hugged her best friend before continuing, “I’m so excited for you, congratulations!” She hugged her tight before letting go and Lily grabbed her hands and placed it on her tummy both of them giggling in excitement.

Peter, Remus and Sirius gave their congratulations to James, waiting until the two girls broke apart so they could congratulate Lily.

“Congratulations, mate,” Sirius beamed, patting him on the back before continuing, “can’t wait to meet the little baby and teach them everything you won’t.”

Their previous little feud had been completely forgotten by the majority of the room, fortunately overshadowed by the good news from the soon-to-be-parents. Once everyone gave their congratulations they resumed their positions across the lounges, a sense of excitement filling in the room as everyone was still beaming at James and Lily.

“Now we want you to know that choosing the godparents was a really hard decision,” Lily’s hand was wrapped around James’ arm as she looked around to everyone individually in the room, “and we don’t want anyone’s feelings to be hurt, because James and I will have more children.”

“That we will,” James smirked, turning his head to press a soft kiss to Lily’s head. Despite their smiles, their friends scrunched up their noses in disgust and playfully rolled their eyes.

“But we had to make a decision,” they were trying to be sympathetic but the smiling faces of all their friends were infectious and they knew that no one would be offended, “and the godparents will be,” James paused for dramatic effect before turning towards the odd couple in the single-seated chair, “you two!”

She stood up and beamed at Sirius, grabbing his face in her hands and pulling him in for a kiss before bringing her attention to James and Lily. She pulled them both into her arms and kissed their cheeks, both them letting out a chorus of ‘thank you’s’, ‘I love you’s’ and ‘I can’t wait’s’.

When they sat back down Sirius’ grip on her waist was much tighter and this time she placed her hand over his and gave it a big squeeze.

“We promise to be the best godparents ever,” she gushed, a large smile forming on her face.

“Yeah, we’ll let them do everything you won’t let them do,” Sirius continued making everyone laugh.

“I don’t doubt that you will,” James and Lily shook their heads knowing that as much as the odd couple would live up to their promise, they would never put the baby in actual danger. Well not any real danger.

If they were being honest, which they would never be to the odd couple, they really weren’t convinced on making them godparents. It wasn’t that they didn’t trust them, they would trust them with their lives if they really had to. Well, they would trust them individually. They were amazing friends individually, but when they were together it seemed only a matter of time before they would explode and as they had experienced from the last few years, they really didn’t care who ended up in the destruction.

When James and Lily had discussed the topic of godparents it was quite obvious that the odd couple would be the perfect choice because Lily wanted her to be the godmother, being her closest friend and all, and Sirius, who was basically James’ brother, was perfect to be the godfather because he was her boyfriend. .

Well, at the time he was her boyfriend, but that was not long before they had the massive fight at the Potter’s and their concerns about them being godparents began to grow.

“Maybe it will bring them together?” James had suggested innocently, shrugging his shoulders and earning a playful slap to his shoulder from Lily. “What?”

“Oh yes that will be great,” Lily beamed sarcastically at him, “I can’t wait to introduce our child to their fighting godparents only to have them go off and fuck in a closet and forget about their godchild!”

But Lily was convinced on having her as a godmother and James was convinced on having him as a godfather and it would have been a bit weird if they had given it to her and Remus and that probably would have led to another fight.

So they decided to wait until they were in a good spot until they broke the news to them and when she had owled Lily to tell her that Sirius had apologised and they were thinking about getting back together, Lily was ecstatic to hear this (for the first time) and immediately sent out owls to come to their house in two days. She didn’t want to leave it too late in case they broke up again. Usually it lasted a little longer, but honestly who knew with them.

Maybe it was wrong on their behalf, but godparents didn’t technically need to be together anyways so all that mattered was that they were together when they told them as this was the best case scenario with the least risk of them getting into a fight.

But even though it was the least riskiest, there was still a risk.

“And you were going to ruin their announcement,” Sirius chuckled, squeezing his arms around her and making her unsure about how she was meant to take that comment.

Everyone suddenly went quiet.

“What do you mean?” She raised an eyebrow but she hadn’t turned to look at him yet.

“Oh merlin,” Lily whispered as all smiles were wiped off their friends' faces as they braced themselves for the explosion.

“You tried to pick a fight with me just before they announced it,” Sirius explained, still seemingly innocent to what the outcome of his comment was going to lead to.

“I didn’t try to pick a fight with you.” She turned around to face him, giving him a confused look but still trying to force a smile.

“Really, well it seemed like you-”

“You were trying to pick a fight with me, you always do.” She furrowed her eyebrows together as their friends stared intently at her seemingly unable to take their eyes away from the emerging disaster in front of them.

“I do not,” Sirius huffed, getting defensive as he took his arms away from her waist.

“You’re picking one right now!” Her voice was getting louder and her expression angrier and Sirius let out a sigh.

“I’m sorry, love,” he pressed a kiss to her forehead and went to continue before he was cut off.

“No,” she stood up, “you’re an ass Sirius Black.” She could feel the tears start to pool in her eyes and she wasn’t sure if it was due to the anger or the embarrassment. “You always pick a fight with me and then you apologise as if I’m the one being annoying.”

Their friends shared a look as they all seemed to shrink back into their seats, their previous excitement getting lost in the explosion.

“Well at least I’m not the one who always has to make a scene in front of our friends.” Sirius stood up and waved his hand around to their friends who all moved their eyes away before she could turn around and see them staring intently at them.

“Oh fuck off Sirius,” she rolled her eyes and sniffled as she felt a tear fall down her cheek, “do you really think they can’t hear us when we ‘take it outside?’” She asked, teasing him for always wanting to do so when it was obvious they would be able to hear.

“Can you just fucking stop?” His voice was booming, “Tonight was about James and Lily but you just couldn’t handle the attention not being on you for more than two minutes, could you?” He was pointing at her and she squinted at him, a few more tears falling down.

“How dare you?” Her voice was beginning to tremble and she hated that he would think he had gotten to her. She wanted to turn to James and Lily and apologise for being such shitty friends and tell them that she was really happy for them, but it was easier to pretend that they weren’t there.

“What? Speak the fucking truth?” Sirius taunted, stepping closer to her so their faces were inches apart. “Well congratulations because you ruined their announcement.”

“How dare you accuse me of being such a shitty friend when you’re the one who is always picking a fucking fight with me!” Her voice started soft but as she continued it got more heated and soon she was yelling at him. Sirius clenched his eyes shut and took a deep breath.

“Fuck this,” he mumbled, “fuck this,” his voice got louder, “you always fucking ruin everything for me.” He leant down so his face was even closer to hers before standing back up and clearing his throat. He finally addressed the rest of his friends as she angrily wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I’m sorry that your announcement has been ruined, I’m really happy for you, mate,” he gave a sincere look to James and Lily, “and I am honoured to be their godfather. But I think it's time I went before anything escalates.”

“I’m so happy you get to be the bigger person again,” she spat at him, but he didn’t acknowledge her words.

He walked around the room and gave his friends a hug goodbye, congratulating them once more before giving her a dirty look and apparating to The Leaky Cauldron.

He leant against the doorframe and took a deep breath. He really didn’t like fighting with her, as much as he did it and as much as people probably thought he liked it, he really hated it. But he just couldn’t help it. She knew exactly how to get his blood boiling and he knew exactly how to push her buttons but that was just because they knew each other so well. Too well, probably, considering their history.

More than anything, he felt horrible for ruining his best friends, his brothers, announcement. He would never admit it but he did know that the fight wasn’t just one sided. It never was. He would get a room and write an apology to his friends immediately. Maybe they could celebrate together, with just him, to save any more dramas.

There was the thought in the back of his head that he would be a godparent with her, but he decided to push it to the back of his head. He wouldn’t be able to sleep if he let his worries bubble to the surface. He wanted to be the best role model a godfather could be to this baby and at the moment he felt everything but.

His heart ached as he replayed the image of the tears falling down her cheeks as she yelled at him and for a moment he considered apparating back to their house and holding her until she stopped crying and forgave him.

He wiped the tears off his face and walked into the pub.

She was mumbling out apologies any moment there was a silence. .

“We are horrible friends, I am so sorry.” She wrapped her arms around both of them as they patted her back and told her it was okay, checking for the umpteenth time that she didn’t want to stay with them instead of going to a presumably empty house. “You’re too kind, but I just really want to go back to my comfortable bed.” And with one horrible attempt at a convincing smile she apparated back to her empty flat.

She threw herself on the bed and let out a muffled scream into her pillow. She hated that he knew exactly how to get her blood boiling and even though she knew exactly how to push his buttons, he had definitely initiated it tonight.

She hated fighting with him, she hated the horrible twisty feeling she got in her tummy that always made her feel like everything inside of her was going to come out and she hated that he had the power to make her feel like this.

But this time it was worse because even though they had fought in front of their friends many times, they had never brought so much attention to themselves when it really shouldn’t have been. She felt horrible and decided that first thing tomorrow she would owl Lily and meet up with them to properly celebrate. At least it would give her time to get a gift.

Her mind wandered to the baby and how she was expected to be their godmother. Not that she wanted anything more than to be the best godmother the little baby could ever have, it was just that right now she didn’t know if she would ever be able to do so.

For a moment she wanted nothing more than to have Sirius’ arms around her, shushing her and kissing the top of her head and stroking her back and telling her that everything was going to be fine. But she wasn’t sure that they were ever going to be anywhere near being fine.

Back at the Potter’s the four friends sat in silence. No one knowing what to say. They shared a few looks and many sighs, but the tension was still leftover from the explosion and it seemed that no one knew what to say and no one really knew how to deal with the aftermath of the explosion.

“So does this mean I get my five galleons back?” James asked innocently. Lily shook her head and playfully slapped his shoulder as James whined when Remus shook his head.

#sirius black #sirius black imagine #sirius black angst #sirius black blurb #marauders #marauders imagine #marauders blurb #marauders angst #harry potter #harry potter imagine #harry potter blurb #harry potter angst #sb #sbi #sba

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cloveroctobers · 4 years ago

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ELLADINE SARABI

IG info/bio: @/ellasardineabi | 18.5k followers | Artist | i was born with glass bones and paper skin♡

25 years old

Born & raised in Cardiff, Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Father was in the n*vy and moved his family around a few times until he and his wife came to a agreement that it would be best for the family to grow up in one solid place

whereas he would leave for months at a time living elsewhere

Which was hard on the family at times since he is viewed as the rock of the family

He eventually left the n*vy after serving 20 years & was so thankful to, he hated it and how it messed with him mentally

He’s also of Iranian heritage

Her mother is of German heritage

Has her own restaurant that serves authentic German food

Both of her parents instilled hard work, discipline, generosity, and how to be practical in their children

Elladine is the middle child

Has a brother that is ten years older than her and then a younger sister who is seven years behind her

Canon: there is currently a discussion going on if they are going to bring their (maternal) nan/mam-gu home since the nursing home isn’t providing the proper care their nan needs

Her mother has a rocky relationship with her mother that she doesn’t like to discuss with her children but her husband knows all about it

Her nan has Alzheimer's and is becoming violent

it has become difficult seeing her most days

Elladine came into glassblowing after being involved in many classes in secondary such as workshop class

which became her fav since she was able to manipulate many materials such as metal, wood, and glass

She also took a auto body class which was interesting but she wasn’t too thrilled about it. Got away with a B- but knew she could do better if she really wanted to but she didn’t need the class to graduate so allow it

Currently works in a glass studio where her work is displayed/sold and she’s one of the main ones that makes great profit

has bought her own space for her own studio and is slowly making it to her liking with her assistant, yes she’s got one!

Hopes to be in that space within the next 6 months...it would have been a little sooner if we weren’t dealing with a global p*ndemic!!! but ya know life f*cking sucks sometimes!!!1!!:) especially if people don’t gaf

Moved back in with her parents so that she could not only help with her nan but get her studio ready, her parents approved since she was working towards something and realized her talent

I definitely see elladine going through a grunge phase and it probably still slips out every now and then lol

Her childhood room is still in shades of raspberry, gray, and a deep purple

always been plus-sized/fuller than the rest but it’s literally hereditary since her mom is built the same way who got it from her dad

Her family never made her feel ashamed as they shouldn’t and none of her true friends made her feel different since they were all of different sizes!!! besides who’s really friends with someone because of their bodies? Ur really ugly if that’s how u roll js

Always a respectful student and not too afraid to spark up a convo with you but can be a little nervous if the person is more of a “I have to warm up to you first” since she’ll feel like she’s annoying you if she carries the convo at first

Takes her time in relationships because she’s scared of getting hurt, cause breakups are not fun! Especially if theyre your friend on top of that

Although Friendship breakups are much worse let’s be honest here!!!

Has noticed that a few of her exes like to bring up that she’s controlling or too bossy in relationships and that makes her a little insecure since she doesn’t view it that way??

She knows what she wants and likes things a certain way, and she can see how it can kinda come off that way based on how she approaches/says things and tries to be better at toning it down and not being offensive to her significant others

Always has a plan and likes to follow it, she definitely keeps to-do lists on a daily

Takes trips to see Nicky often and vice-versa, every moment they spend together feels like it’s meant to be, even when it’s them just simply chilling in each other’s spaces, he’s truly one of her best friends and he feels like the missing part of her life

He offered for her to move in with him but elladine didn’t accept it since she wanted to be there to help with her nan and in fact—she wanted to be the one to ask HIM to move in with her

but if they make it long enough, they’ll go house hunting together...maybe

I get Shawn/Angela relationship vibes from them (boy meets world for those who aren’t aware of this couple and I’m not just saying this because they’re interracial as well lol) did I say this already about someone else? Brain fart lol

everyone relationship has their flaws so when they hit a bump in the road...elladine immediately wants to fix it but it comes off as more critiquing, moodiness/blaming the other

while Nicky can be defensive/argumentive/a little condescending on his end

To get through it, they normally go on a walk together in complete silence until they’re ready to speak again or they take a break from each other

I think words of affirmation is her love language

Taurus sun + Virgo moon + Capricorn rising?

“The girl on the motorcycle” is one of her fav films — no this is not metaphoric to her love life

Loves watching things with captions on since she always finds herself doing something else while watching anything (which irks Nicky a little bit but that’s just the way elladine is and he loves her so he deals with it)

Will rewind something if she missed it too

Canon: never had morning sex before

but can now say she has ;) & understands the pros people say about it and it outweighs the cons in her book

Will start the whole song over too if she missed her fav part in it

She also enjoys billiards since her brother used to work in a pool hall and when he had to watch her because she was “too young” in her words to stay home by herself he would take her there even tho technically she wasn’t supposed to be there but he was screwing his boss’s daughter so it was quite fine

her sister has a crush on Gary & ships elladine with him, which they joke about every now and then + he doesn’t follow her back, which is okay! Not a big deal but her sister keeps sliding in his dms (he’s now single)

She NEVER thought she would be on THE love island and wasn’t that confident that she’d find a real love that carried on outside of the show but Nicky has proven her wrong 🥲

She’s 5’5–5’6

Probably shops at Zara & top shop and has no issue picking pieces that flatter her “pear” figure, she loves all that is of her body: the pudge, love handles, cellulite and all (she’s very confident and won’t let anyone see her moments of doubt when it comes to her frame)

Loves mythology but will tell bill stfu if he comes near her trying to argue about anything in that subject

Very competitive and will rush through certain things, leaving one to think that she’ll fail somewhere but rarely does

If she’s not near or away from the mountains or the sea for long period of time she gets very moody!!! Guess that’s the Welsh in her huh?

Loves fireplaces, they’re super cozy and very romantic if you catch ella’s drift 😏

Probably smells like jasmine & pink pepper idk

Wants to travel to Iceland one day

Knows her way around a car but dreads having to get it fixed or fixing it herself?

Loves driving until her road rage kicks in? Oh you’re gonna go around her to get in front of her? Never that. She’ll always be in front of you and will break check you if you try her “Drewgi” she mutters

Early riser and goes to bed early too lol

She’s the crying drunk lmao

Automatically vieve has become one of her best friends from the villa but it deff didn’t feel forced like it normally would have just because their bfs have a podcast together, they talk about everything together. EVERYTHING! It feels like she’s the big sister she never had, yet they’re only a year apart lol

They have ft sleepovers and man is it fun!

Forgave lily but at the same time can’t fully see herself being friends with her like vieve tried to encourage before they went on the yacht...sorry everything can’t be Kumbaya over here sis

It sucks to say but it was easier? She doesn’t know if that’s the right term or not... for her to forgive rafi than it was lily and it’s fucked up but that’s the way it is. It’s not like she contacts him on seperate messages or anything like that! She’ll talk to him via group chat and that’s pretty much it. She knows it was all part of the show and production’s bs for ratings but that doesn’t mean it still didn’t hurt

Wishes him success on his shows/movies but doesn’t engage/watch them

What does she post? I feel like she posts maybe three times a month and a lot are outfit pics but tends to go live more so to chat with the people! She’ll also show all what glassblowing entails while chatting away! She loves that part and is pretty open about things but knows how to keep some things private

Personally wasn’t the biggest fan of season 1 but admits she wishes she had mc’s balls in terms of what she would have done if she was in elladine’s place when lily picked Nicky, “ugh! I wish I had her strength rising through my veins in that moment. Absolute riot. Adore her.”

‘“Licky” is a ugly ass ship name anyways so who’s really winning here?!’

Celeb crushes? Iwan Rheon, Henry Zaga, Anthony Welsh, jason derulo, & LaRoyce Hawkins

Listens to: soleima, Marisa Maino, Ava Max, poppy, Caroline polachek, Donny Hathaway, Phil Good, & SAINt JHN

Anthem — M.I.A. “Bad Girls”

#litg #litg3 #litg s3 #litg elladine #litg Nicky #litg genevieve #litg oc #litg mc #litg headcanon #litg headcanons #litg rafi #litg boat party #litg lily #litg moodboard #I like elladine and I’m in love with her design #wish they did more with her and many of the other characters too!#I hope this was sorta satisfactory lol!#can you tell I’m running out of artists and celebs/well known ppl lol!

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haikyuu-scenarios-drabbles · 5 years ago

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Professor Kuroo Part Two

slides this across the table in a humble offering that it’s been 3 weeks since my poll pls forgive me

part one

Love y’all, J

You hate yourself for what you’ve done. But with the convention around the corner, your higher-ups are rightfully confused as to why you want out of Dr. Kuroo’s project so late in the game. You try to chalk it up to wanting to ‘broaden your horizons’, but even that doesn’t convince them fully. Instead, they tell you to continue working with Dr. Kuroo while also giving you some small task on Dr. Yu’s project that you’ll probably complete in two days.

So, Monday morning after that meeting crushing your hopes of just brushing what happened in the library Friday night under the rug, you trudge back to your desk trying your best to ignore the whispers following you as you go. Word spreads like wildfire around here. You’re not surprised, your request came out of the blue, particularly since up until now it seemed like you’ve been working fine with Dr. Kuroo.

Which…you have. Up until last week.

It isn’t that you don’t like him anymore, or that you don’t return his feelings—obviously not considering your reaction to his move on you. It’s more that you think it won’t be fair to either of you to go on pretending like nothing happened, because god knows you don’t even know if you can. Which is why it would be best if you stayed away from him, no reason to torture yourself like that. Or him.

Though, it looks like you’re just going to have to grin and bear it. No matter that you spent the entire weekend trying to stop thinking about what happened—and miserably failing. Any spare moment you had, without your permission, your brain would drift to the sensation of his hands clasped to your waist; his lips on yours, and from there you couldn’t stop imagining what would have happened had you let him continue.

That’s usually about the time you shoved your face into the nearest pillow to scream into or slapped your cheeks to bring you back to reality.

You think you can do it, act normal around him, give no inclination that anything is different. As much as you’re going to hate it, mainly because it’s going to hurt him, nobody—and you mean nobody can have any suspicions.

That is until he strides in the office door, looking more jaw-dropping than usual. You always had a hard time controlling yourself whenever he rolled up the sleeves of his button-up, but today he’s topping it off with the rare sight of his glasses and tousled hair looking notably unruly this morning. Judging from the glasses, hair, his bag practically bursting, and the numerous rolled up papers beneath his arm, it’s been a rough morning.

The dark circles under his eyes suggest it’s been a tough weekend as well.

You bite your lip, hoping it’s because of the conference and not you.

His eyes land on you almost immediately, expression giving away nothing. You are surprised that he makes his way over to you, drops his things on your desk in a huff, breathlessly explaining, “I have a meeting in like two minutes, I can’t make it back to my office in time, I’m sorry to ask you this but—,”

You go on autopilot mode, reassuring him, “I’ll handle it, just go!”

He gives you a grateful smile before jogging off to the conference room.

Truthfully, he’s glad he’s had a whirlwind of a morning, otherwise he doesn’t know how he would have approached you so normally. And he’s surprised at how receptive you were to him, he thought you’d be avoiding him, especially since you requested to switch off his project.

He frowns. He is not in the mood to think about that right now. It was bad enough being unable to focus this weekend, because if he lets himself, he’ll get consumed with thoughts of you. He’s thankfully able to think about something else during the meeting, distracted by data reports from other faculty and details about the conference. Upon the conclusion of the meeting, he’s surprised there’s no discussion about your request to transfer. As of now, all he knows is that the request has been made, there’s been no word on its verdict.

Before he can head out, he is by no means shocked when the head of the department asks him to follow him to his office. He does his best to remain as indifferent as possible as he follows him, making a point to ignore you as he passes your desk on the way to the back.

The door closes behind him, and Kuroo sets his expression straight, no need to give Dr. Takahashi any reason for suspicion.

“Are aware that your graduate student requested to be switched off your project, Dr. Kuroo?”

One of the reasons Kuroo respects his colleague so much is that he never dances around the subject, but right now he wishes he’d sound a little less accusatory with that statement.

No reason to lie here either, so Kuroo nods passively, replying with a noncommittal, “I did. Dr. Yu emailed me about it this weekend.”

He raises a brow. “Any idea why? There hasn’t seemed to be a problem all year, and with the conference coming up, it’s a bit unexpected.”

Kuroo takes a moment to consider what you might have said when probably asked a very similar question when you made the request. He’s certain you didn’t come clean about the situation, otherwise he’d be dealing with a much different person right now. “I’m sure they were looking for more to do,” Kuroo rolls his eyes good-naturedly, and judging by Takahashi’s expression he hit the nail on the head. “I can’t seem to give them enough, every time I turn around, they’re already finished and onto the task.”

Not entirely true, you do finish tasks quickly and diligently, but you’re pretty good about keeping yourself busy. He rarely has to explicitly tell you what to do next. He did when you first started, as expected, but by now you’ve gotten the flow of things and can work seamlessly with him like you’re reading his mind. Other professors are jealous and wish you were their graduate student, so he’s heard.

“Ah, well. Unfortunately, I denied the request. We’re winding down to the conference anyways, there’s not much to do anywhere. I’ll revisit it once things pick up again and see where they’re at.” He waves Kuroo out, and he almost sighs a breath of relief once the door closes until he realizes what comes next.

Facing you.

God, he’s gone over this situation over and over in his head all weekend, but now that it’s here his stomach is twisting into knots at the thought of confronting you. He wants to bring it up, thinking it would be best to talk it out, see where the other person is at, but not here. Not somewhere with the risk of someone overhearing.

He at least gives you the curtesy of approaching your desk from the front instead of behind like he usually does, as he found it amusing watching you jerk in surprise in your chair—no, even that’s too dangerous. You watch him carefully, wondering just what exactly he’s going to open with.

“Are you doing anything right now? Do you want to go over this week’s plan in my office?” He asks, unaware that the nerves coiling in your chest unravel slightly at his mundane request. It’s familiar, the two of you usually hash out the week on Monday to ensure an efficient plan, and you’re glad he started with that and not something ominous like, we need to talk.

Though there is an underlying suggestion in the seemingly simple question.

Go over the plan, in his office. A key detail that anyone else wouldn’t blink twice at.

You, on the other hand, fear an ambush. But part of you wouldn’t mind talking it out so there isn’t this air charged with anxiety that you can already feel simmering between the two of you.

“No, I was waiting for you to finish your meeting so we could go over the week.”

He smiles softly at you, and the expression that sends your heart thundering against your chest. The trek back to his office lets your nerves ramp up, making you paranoid about all of the possible things that aren’t the plan for the week he’s going to bring up once the door shuts. The closer you get, the more your mindset shifts from maybe being willing to discuss things to wanting to completely and utterly forget it, and go about your lives blissfully ignorant.

You’re glad he doesn’t take a seat behind his desk, which would have made you feel even more skittish that he’s planning on having a serious talk with you. Instead, he sinks into one of the two armchairs in the corner; a place the two of you have spent many hours in discussion over a cup of coffee in. You didn’t think it possible, but somehow that’s worse that him sitting behind his desk. This is far more…intimate.

He just looks at you, reading you so easily you hate it, saying, “I’m not going to bring it up. Not here.”

“Why not?” The words tumble from your mouth without much thought. You loathe how pathetic it makes you sound. His eyes softening only make it worse.

Choosing his next words carefully, he eyes the door behind you and lowers his voice, “Do you want to?”

He notices the flicker of your jaw. You’re contemplating something, so he just waits, despite his emotions rearing to bubble to the surface.

“I—uh…no. I’d rather not.”

You aren’t expecting the finality of those words to make your heart feel heavy in your chest. Like you’re closing a door that you’ve been wondering if it would ever open since meeting him and…it doesn’t sit right. None of this does. But you must continue on the way it is, there isn’t another choice, as much as you hate it.

You’re shocked to hear what he says next.

“Do you ever?”

Up until now, you were finding it difficult to look at him. But with those words, your attention snaps to his, getting pinned by his golden gaze. Without much thought you say softly, “I don’t know.” You wish he would wipe that stupid fucking expression off his face. It simultaneously makes you want to grab his head between your hands to kiss and slap him across the face. You have to resist the urge to do either, unfortunately.

“That’s fine,” he says, so nonchalantly you grit your teeth. He was the one to confess his feelings to you. It’s making you feel so childish how much you’re struggling with your emotions when he seems perfectly fine. Little do you know; he’s hiding his channeling his true feelings into gripping the armrests as hard as he can. At least you didn’t shut him out completely. “So,” he scratches his chin. “Your request to switch projects was declined.”

You visibly straighten. “Now that’s something I don’t want to discuss.”

He smirks, unable to resist his prevocational tendencies. “What are you afraid of?”

He watches as your fists ball, unsure if his tactic is going to work out in his favor or not. “You said we wouldn’t talk about it here!” You hiss, lowering your voice to barely a whisper.

Leaning forward in his seat and resting his elbows on his knees he proposes, “You’re right. How about tonight, The Brew at eight?”

“I am not going on a date with you! That’s the complete opposite of what we should do!” You whisper as angrily as you can muster.

“Just a humble meeting between colleagues,” he says simply. “Nothing else.”

Your eyes narrow, and he hopes with all his might you’ll agree to his request.

His heart soars as you say, “Fine. Just talking.”

“Just talking,” he nods, sincerely meaning it. You’re both adults here, and he’d like to settle this before it blows up in your faces.

He’s glad that you relax and slump into the chair beside him. “Can we talk about the week now please?” You hate how much you love the grin that lights up his face.

And as nervous as you are for tonight, you also feel a strange sense of calm about it. Relieved to get some things straight after a rather tumultuous weekend.

and now forgive me that there’s going to be a part 3 😈

part three part four

#haikyuu x reader #Kuroo Tetsurou x Reader #Kuroo Tetsurou #Kuroo Tetsurō #kuroo scenario #kuroo x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #kuroo tetsurou imagine #kuroo tetsurou scenario #professor kuroo #kuroo tetsurou reader insert

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pythosart · 5 years ago

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A big ol 2019 end of the year update

I felt somewhat compelled to write my end of the year/decade thoughts, but a warning before you read: This one’s going to be heavy, intensely personal, and long. If you don’t feel up to reading that, it may be best to skip it. I promise I’ll go back to shutting up and posting art afterwards. I’m profoundly incapable of being concise, ever, so apologies for the length of this.

2019 was a nightmare.

Some background: In mid 2016, my mother was diagnosed with a rare form of liver cancer. She was given a few months to live. She was given weeks or months to live multiple times, for almost three years. In that time my mom was in and out of the hospital, but spent all her good days living life to the fullest, starting and finishing dream projects, and keeping all of us going despite her own situation. Even when she was bedridden, hooked up to tubes and bags and god knows what, she found time to prop up her loved ones and pursue her hobbies. She even managed to develop new hobbies and interests while otherwise imprisoned by her physical state, something I struggle to do at the best of times even in my young and relatively healthy form. If there’s anything I can make of this experience, it’s that I hope to grow into even half the woman my mother was.

I ended 2018 with my final quarter at SCAD. I spent the entire quarter terrified my mom was going to die while I was away from home. It was horrific, I barely scraped by my last few classes (bless my professors’ endless patience), and immediately left Savannah for home as soon as the quarter was up. I never had room to celebrate finishing college. Any other year it would be a huge milestone, but I barely even care.

This past May, my mother passed away, after three years of petrifying suspense. It happened in the dead middle of the night, while my best friend was visiting for a con, and it still feels like a bad dream. It’s also one of the only vivid memories I even have of this year.

I wish I had more to say on that, but I genuinely think the drawn out suffering and fracturing of my whole world left me unable to fully unpack everything that’s happened. It’s hard to even think about for long, and at times I even half-forget she’s gone. I think of things I want to show her, or tell her, or cook with her. Just the other day I kept thinking I’d tell her how much I liked endive after she showed me how to make it. I found a historical Italian cooking channel that, every time I see it, I just think of how much she’d love it. I knew she’d love Hot Fuzz but never got to show her. Little, stupid things that shouldn’t matter, but they do. They just do.

My mother and I were close, much closer than I am with my dad. Especially towards the end of her life, we had gotten closer, and I felt like I was only just really getting to know her as an equal. I still want to share my life with her, but that chance is gone.

This holiday season has been especially rough in her absence, because not only was my mom the motivational and creative force behind a lot of holiday activities here, it’s the first everything without her. We had Thanksgiving with friends and a catered dinner, instead of spending several days cooking and polishing family silver and setting the table. I won’t be making handmade tortellini with her for Christmas like we did every year. It’s the little things like that.

We’re a tiny family, with over half of us in Italy and lacking much communication due to the language barrier. Family holidays were always small, but there’s just a huge hole how, much greater than the cold numeric value of “one fewer participant.” My mom was always a driving force and a keystone in our support networks, not to mention the main line of contact with the Italian-speaking side of the family, so now the family feels so much more scattered and isolated than ever.

My girlfriend was close to my mother too, and as she’s been living with me for years now and is practically part of the family, I think she took it just as hard as anyone. Cel saw everything I did, and dealt with many of the same uncertainties and traumatic experiences I did.

A month after I lost my mother, I lost my cat too. Galileo was twelve years old, a spry old man who yelled instead of meowed, and just a wonderful cat. I got him when I was in 7th grade, after begging my parents for years to get me a cat. It was my mom who eventually overrode my dad’s hesitations, and from then on Leo was part of the family. He went through a very sudden decline over the course of a week or two, and we learned it was cancer. Feline lymphoma, I think. I had to make the call to put him to sleep, and it ripped what was left of my heart out.

Not that it needs stating, but fuck cancer.

A few too-short months later, I cut ties with a “friend,” which despite how fucking much it hurt, was really for the best. At a certain point one simply can no longer afford to waste energy on a certain kind of person. Unfortunately I’m a persistently optimistic idiot, and it took me too long to cut my losses before deep damage was done. Done to me, my close friends, and even barely involved acquaintances this “friend” dumped on relentlessly and tried to harass into spying on me. Really, if any part of this is unforgivable, it’s that.

All this was, however, a valuable reminder that it’s no good to have any tolerance for habitually dishonest people, even if they think they’re doing it to look “nice.” Chronic liars will gaslight you whether they know it or not, and trying to navigate that in an already damaged mental state is inadvisable. It was an important lesson in picking one’s battles, albeit one learned too late. I’m still holding out hope I can find it in my heart to forgive this person, if only for my own selfish sake so I can move on. I have a lot of experience living on spite, and I don’t want to make a further habit of it.

Naturally all of the above did little to curb my already inflamed pessimism about the state of my country and the world at large, but I need not expand on that, I imagine.

I suppose it would be unfair of me to leave it all at that and only mention the negative, though admittedly positivity is hard to muster these days. A few bright spots of note:

Graduated from SCAD with my BFA in Sequential Art (technically last year, but I did the ceremonial bit this year)

Tabled at Animazement with Woods. We barely broke even, but it was a great time and I plan on doing it again in the new year.

Spent literally an entire month hanging out with my two best friends, which was amazing and exactly the kind of healing experience I needed around that time of year.

Properly did Halloween for the first time in years. I made a costume I’m proud of and we went out on the town… for like an hour, because it promptly started pouring. But fun nevertheless

Started therapy. As of writing this, I’ve only had an introductory session, but it’s a start. Should have started six months ago, but didn’t for reasons to be addressed...in therapy

Started volunteering at the local natural history museum, where I spent like half my childhood. I’ll be doing data entry in collections, but that’s still cool as hell

Got a start on figuring out what I want to do with my life. It’ll involve going back to school for science within the next five-ish years, but it’s nice to have a goal. More of a goal than I’ve ever had, in fact.

Played some extremely good video games (shout out to The Blackout Club and Control)

Made a shitload of unnecessary yet endlessly fun and good AUs with my friends and my one (1) OC

Got an iPad Pro and started learning Procreate, which has gotten me drawing more

Learned a bit of needle felting

2019 was a year of getting much closer to my two best friends, and I genuinely owe them my life at this point. I don’t know where I’d be without them. Nowhere good, certainly.

Woods and Dross kept me talking to people, kept me creating, told me when I was being unreasonable or needed to cool it, heard me out when I needed it but always kept me honest. They helped me keep some creative juices flowing when otherwise I’d have been at a frustrated loss and might have given up for good. If it seems like I’ve kept up my usual art output at all, and if you’ve enjoyed the Lou content (or not, whoops... apologies to everyone who followed me for monster content) you have both of them to thank.

Even moreso, I owe my girlfriend a great deal for being there for me through all of this while she herself was suffering similarly. She and I have had our ups and downs, and been through a lot in the five-ish years we’ve been together. We aren’t the most outspoken couple, but I think our mutual understanding and pain mitigated a lot of the damage this year has done. I don’t think I could have handled it alone.

Furthermore, I really need to thank a lot of other friends and acquaintances I’m not quite as close with, but still talk to. These people especially were willing to call me on my bullshit when necessary, or just talk to me at all, about anything. Even if these acquaintances didn’t know it at the time, there’s a good chance they were dragging me out of one of my frequent existential despair spirals.

I also, weirdly, owe a lot to helping my hen Julia recover from her dog attack. That was around the time that my mom’s health was in its final decline, when I felt the most helpless and despairing. I think having even some tiny something I could do to help was like, the only feeling of control I had in life for a bit there. Julia’s fine, by the way. Still queen of the yard, top chicken boss bitch, etc. Julia was always a kind of kindred spirit with my mom, in a way. Little but not to be underestimated, gray, big personality and commanding presence… Not to mention, she was one of the first in our flock and was always my mom’s favorite.

It would be too much to say I have high hopes or plans of any kind for the upcoming year, but I do have a list of things I want to try and do. Some of which will involve art, and the posting thereof.

Big if on this one, but I’ve also recently started therapy (only took me half a year to work up to making a phone call after the first failed attempt took all the wind out of my sails) and I have…maybe not high hopes, but hopes, for that doing something to help. I should have started therapy two years ago, but the second best time is now, etc etc.

I have a lot of New Year’s resolutions, beyond the usual “get in shape, drink less coffee, blah blah” that I’ll try and write up a little list of separately. Most of them are art-related, so you all will be there to watch me swing and miss I PROMISED I’D TRY TO BE LESS NEGATIVE. New Year’s resolution #1: Maybe don’t make so many self-deprecating jokes.

Anyway, I don’t know how to end any wall of text, be it an OC worldbuilding screed or something serious like this, so... I guess, love yourself, cherish your friends, know when to put your own needs first and when to put your friends’ needs firster. One of the things my mom taught me in this past year or so is that relationships are what you make of them, and that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. Be generous, be genuine, don’t be a doormat and don’t lie to people you care about, even if it seems kinder in the moment. Savor the time you have with those close to you, and spend time doing things you love. Cliché, maybe, but cliché can still be true. Happy new year, everyone. I sincerely hope it will treat us all better. 2020 may just be an imaginary change of numbers, but I like to think it really does wipe the slate in a way, and make room for all of us to do what we can to be better. Speaking of which, vote. For the love of all that is good, vote.

A little bullet list of New Year’s resolutions, because it’s nicer to look at

Try to get back in shape (of course) - That 30 days of strength thing was good while it lasted, despite my joints hating me

Learn some new recipes, preferably with fewer carbs, you Italian ass

Keep a physical calendar and stick with it for at least a few months

Learn at least one new skill by the middle of the year, whether it’s art-related or something else

Start writing more. Don’t have to share it, but try. Write down ideas somewhere other than Discord where they’re easy to lose

Either reopen Patreon or figure out how ko-fi works. Even if it’s for no money, just to have structure and goals.

Do Animazement again and try out some new product types

Go to SCAD career fair with a decent portfolio

Get better about spending, by whatever method works

Attend some art classes at the local collectives, doesn’t matter what

Play more video games. I swear I only played like three new things this year

Read more classic literature and nonfiction, at least one book per month. I’ve been really enjoying Agatha Christie’s works and am about to start Guns, Germs, and Steel

Read more comics. Basically just consume more media

Do Halloween again, better this time

See friends in person more

Practice accepting whatever shitty thoughts show up and then letting them go, rather than dwelling on them

#not art #text post #death cw

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xathia-89 · 5 years ago

Text

Interfering Friends

In celebration of Sasuke’s route being released, a little fiction!

Natsuki was rushing through the streets, she was trying to hold her emotions together whilst she kept checking over her shoulder. All of her friends had said to not go to the specific restaurant her date had set, and even one of them had recommended a highly famous chef who was meant to be to die for, but she’d gone along with it. Now she was working her way through the rougher streets of Kyoto before a motorcycle drew up next to her.

“Get on,” the voice was gruff. “That prat has been following you. I’ll take you to the centre of town if you want.”

She was desperate, and definitely not dressed for riding motorcycles. But then she heard her name being shouted by her ‘date’.

He had some lungs on him for certain, as Natsuki squeezed her eyes shut and had her arms around the stranger’s waist.

She didn’t dare to open them again until the motor was turned off, and the man nudged her gently.

“Oh, thank you,” she smiled, her face flushed red in embarrassment. “I’m so sorry, I must have taken you out of your way-”

“Actually, you’ll want to thank your friends,” the man took his helmet off and chuckled darkly. His wine-red eyes lighting up in the darkness before he ran his fingers through his dark hair. “They hired me to make sure you were okay.”

“I probably should have listened to them,” Natsuki smiled weakly, fidgeting with her purse strap and dipping her gaze.

“You should, you shouldn’t lower yourself to such standards as that man,” the stranger scoffed before going to put his helmet back on, and then found himself tilting his head at the woman. “Did you eat yet?”

“Oh, no, I was going to find a takeaway, but thank you for your concern-” Natsuki was about to turn around, but found that the man had a hand on her wrist. She surprisingly didn’t feel threatened by the male, he was confident about himself, he didn’t need to beat her to feel better.

“I’ve got a friend who has a restaurant, my treat,” he shrugged.

“I don’t even know your name,” she softly said, feeling very embarrassed.

“It’s Nobu to my friends, get on,” he smirked.

Natsuki had to calm her heart from all the fluttering it was doing. The man knew how to manipulate his looks, and then he handed her the helmet.

“But-” She began.

“I wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened, sorry it’s sweaty and not the best fit, but it’ll stop your head from splitting open,” Nobu was practically shoving it onto her head.

Natsuki was getting the feeling that she was going to have to get used to it.

The ‘friend’ had turned out to be the famous chef that all of her friends had been begging for her to go to for the date. Masamune Date was as reckless as the media made him out to be, but he was obviously a devoted friend of Nobu since he insisted on coming out with enough food to feed about twenty people and taking his break there with us. It wasn’t that long before another friend had joined us, and was already lecturing Nobu on bringing a random girl from his work to the restaurant before he turned to me and I had a lecture on raising my dating standards so that I wouldn’t need to have Nobu hired to look out for me. Then I got an introduction from a pharmacist who interrupted everything and told Hideyoshi that he should really introduce himself before starting to mother them and that he wanted to opt out of his subscription to the mothering. The pharmacist turned out to be Yasu, and then there was mention of the two Mitsus, but it was assumed neither would turn up.

“Nobu picking you up?” Hideyoshi had put an advert out for a secretary, and it was more than a little surprising to see Natsuki apply for it.

“The helmet isn’t very subtle,” she smiled, tilting her head at her boss.

“Has he tried to get you driving it yet?”

“I can hear the mothering, Hideyoshi must be fretting,” Mitsuhide was chuckling as he let himself in to the floor.

“It’s Nobu and me on the bike, he needs to have something to worry about, or he would be trailing after you,” Natsuki laughed, greeting the white-haired male with a kiss to the cheek. “What brings you here?”

It was impossible to not watch Natsuki walk away in her tight skirt and high heels, both men were burning through her clothes before she sat down behind her desk. She loved to know that she could draw the attention of men and women alike, but she was comfortable as she was. She lived on the same floor of a flat building as the boys, though that was more that Nobu made the decision she needed to move in for ‘protection’. Which also doubled up that any dates she’d had over the past couple of years had been scared off by the appearance.

“Has Nobu approved tonight’s date?” Mitsuhide had a sly grin on his face and made Natsuki freeze in her movements.

Hideyoshi instantly frowned before Mitsuhide had already pulled up the dating app and showed the profile of who she had been matched with. Her boss was now flicking through everything with a scrutiny that could only be expected from him, while Mitsuhide had a shit-eating grin on his face as Natsuki took to glaring at the man.

“He’s an astrophysicist?” Her boss asked, not looking up from the profile.

“Yes, just graduated and has taken on a research role at the local university,” Natsuki said, scowling and sulking that her date had been uncovered.

“Seems very different from your usual type,” Mitsuhide had picked that up.

“He likes Sengoku history, we were talking about it, and I decided to give him a date, the guy can hold a conversation at least, and not just with my tits like the last guy,” she reasoned. Natsuki rolled her eyes as she settled in for a lecture and a half, knowing that Nobu had been notified and would be on his way already.

“Give me the breakdown.”

He didn’t even need to announce himself, Nobunaga would just enter the room and take command, just as he had pretty much done of Natsuki’s life since he had been hired to look out for her. She sighed loudly and sat back in her chair, grumbling loudly at the scene unfolding before her.

“Seems clean enough, very much not the usual type, so she’s probably now learning,” Mitsuhide was a huge tease, Natsuki was his secondary form of entertainment, Hideyoshi being his first of course, and he was thoroughly enjoying this.

“He looks completely different too, and he works where he says he does too, he’s on the university website,” Hideyoshi confirmed.

“And you all wonder why I stopped telling you all about my dates,” her smile was tight before she went to pick up her leathers. “Since you brought Nobu here, I’m going to change and then we’re going home so I can get ready for my date,” she declared to her boss, who then got a slightly guilty look at the situation.

“Make sure you dress for getting on and off a bike for your date,” Nobu declared, “Like hell am I letting you go without making sure you’re safe.”

“I think Hideyoshi can take lessons from you in worrying about me,” Natsuki quipped before disappearing.

She had to change her entire outfit plan, and just braid her long chestnut hair out of the way instead of doing something fancy. Motorbikes and helmets did limit her options, even though she was used to it by now. Nobu was at home on her couch and watching tv since he had told Natsuki that he was waiting for her to get ready before finding out what restaurant they were going to.

“Come on you bum, and no coming back and eating all my food again, or I’m getting Hideyoshi to take me shopping on your tab,” she scoffed, already heading out of the door as she shouted for her best friend’s attention.

In tradition, she was five minutes late because Nobunaga had decided that being on time wasn’t something a lady should be. Which got him a scolding about what his future partner would be like of course before Natsuki had already thrust her helmet back at the man.

“I’ll text you when I’m ready,” she instructed, walking off in her tight jeans and sparkling top as her high heels exaggerated her hip swaying. Nobu had to admit it was impossible to not watch the woman, even if he had no romantic feelings for his best friend, Natsuki knew how to leave and make a man only think of one thing.

He had to give her this one, she had booked at Masa’s restaurant at least, and the chef had just come back to say he would test the boy out anyway.

Masa: She looks dressed to kill in that outfit… Nobu: I didn’t get a chance before she left the apartment to vouch for her outfit. She’s caught onto my techniques. Hideyoshi: what about the date? Masa: he’s got her talking about something, her hands are flying about when she starts discussing Pokémon and things. Mitsuhide: Did you block their order? Masa: Who do you think I am? I’m bringing out the usuals. Masa: Suki is cute when she glares. She thinks she’s intimidating. Masa: I was told off for interfering, and her date was just staring at me before half the restaurant realised I was out from behind the kitchen, and then I had to go back in. I’m interfering on dessert as well. Mitsuhide: Keep changing his drinks too. Nobu: Suki just texted me and told me that she’s not coming home for this. Mitsuhide: She knows we wouldn’t let that happen anyway. Yasu: Why don’t we just let her have a date in peace? You guys are worse than her actual family. Masa: He’s actually not tried anything on with her, they’re just talking all the time. Yasu: all the reason for leaving them alone. She’s a grown woman. Hideyoshi: With a constant stream of bad dates with womanisers, flirts, and generally awful men. Masa: Suki just moved her chair closer to him. I can’t figure out what they’re discussing. Yasu: Take. The. Fucking. Hint. Yasu: Leave her alone. She’s not Mitsunari. You all interfere enough. Nobu: Says the boy who already checked to see if you dispense her date’s medication. Mitsuhide: Naughty boy. Masa: Wait, they’re leaving. And looking chummy. Hideyoshi: I thought you’d arranged for dessert? Masa: I did!

Natsuki was smiling as she brushed shoulders with the male. Sasuke had been a random selection, she hadn’t even meant to check out his profile, but her finger had clicked on his photo instead of the man below, and then she had been drawn in by his sheer nerdiness.

“I’m sorry for my friends,” she spoke up. “They’re used to me dating womanisers and the likes, so they like to roast my dates.”

“It means they care,” the man replied.

Natsuki could see the smile in his eyes as they strolled through the nearby park. It was away from the security cameras so Mitsuhide would have a job getting a visual on them without physically arriving. Her feet were aching from the stupid choice of heels that went with the outfit before she was taken by surprise as the male pointed out a bench.

“Let’s take a seat,” he suggested.

They were sat in silence and gazing up at the stars. It was a clear night for once.

Their hands slowly crept together, before slowly intertwining. Sasuke slid a little closer to her before switching his visual focus to the woman. He was openly admiring Natsuki before the female turned her head. A faint blush had crept on her cheeks before the couple leaned in for a kiss.

They were blinded by the flashing of lights as the two froze mid-kiss.

“Sasuke! You never told us you knew such a sublime goddess,” a red-headed male swooped in, arms around them both before interjecting.

“Or that you even had a date,” a blond haired male huffed, and narrowed his eyes in a glare at Natsuki.

“You would have the same sort of friends,” the female smiled in understanding before a third male dragged himself into view. “We escaped the security cameras only to run into the paparazzi,” she laughed and kissed him on the cheek, catching everyone else off guard.

“Natsuki!” Hideyoshi’s voice could be heard for miles as he was running through the park in a blind panic, and then shortly joined by the sound of a motorbike. Nobu did like to ignore signs. “You did that on purpose!”

Sasuke was managing now to blush. Natsuki still wouldn’t give him his hand back and had gone as far as entwining their fingers with their hands sat on her lap.

“Of course I did, you never give me any privacy and Mitsuhide would have happily broadcast us over the internet,” she scoffed and rolled her eyes as Sasuke’s eyes widened. “I told you I understood the whole ‘overbearing friends’ thing,” she beamed brightly at the astrophysicist.

Sasuke couldn’t help it as he kissed her again, wrapped her in his arms and pulling her flush against him. She squeaked in surprise before slowly looping her arms around his neck, enjoying the moment until they both realised that they’d had an audience for the entire time.

“So you’re both exhibitionists?” Shingen broke the silence with a knowing smile.

“We didn’t have a choice really,” Natsuki replied with a laugh. “You all insist on hounding us both, so you get the full show,” she grinned mischievously, her head resting on Sasuke’s chest as the men had to concede defeat to the woman for once.

#Sasuke Sarutobi #nobunaga oda #masamune date #ikesen #ikemen sengoku #Ikémen Sengoku #fluff #first date

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omgficrecsplease · 6 years ago

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omgcp fanfic starter pack!

hi y’all! we here at omgficrecsplease have put together a quick, little check please! fanfic starter pack! all fics are sorted by pairings and we hope you enjoy! and be sure to check out all the recs we have posted here! have a wonderful day y’all! :D

Jack/Bitty

A Little Bit Closer by marswithghosts

E | 107,963 | Summary: Eric Bittle's To-Do List:

1.) Frame Masters in Library and Information Science diploma and send to Mama, because she never understood the lack of sleep and abuse of caffeine, but she sent cookbooks and money for good chocolate, bless her. 2.) Throw away every last highlighted article, graded paper, and syllabus, because they are no longer needed, thank the sweet Lord. 3.) Promote the library's new periodic reading series, because it wasn't the capstone project for nothing. 4.) Harass Boston Bruins star Jack Zimmermann into taking a picture for @BPLWestEnd to promote the reading of his new children's book, Jacky's Bad Days. 5.) Do not ogle Boston Bruins star Jack Zimmermann's ass. 6.) Fail step five. Repeatedly.

Ice Crew Please! by rosepetals42

T | 61,433 | Summary: Jack Zimmermann was drafted first by the Providence Falconers when he was eighteen years old. He is good at hockey. Very good. His team won the Cup his second year and now, in his third year, they are looking good. Jack should be on top of the world. And some days, he manages to convince himself he is.He’s not, of course.

Enter the Ice Crew.

AKA: The Ice Crew AU

maybe i'm waking up by idrilka

M | 157,904 | Summary: It’s almost funny. All he ever wanted was to play hockey, to play in the NHL, to win the Cup. This—Samwell, the team, the Haus—was supposed to be just a detour, but now it feels more like a destination he failed to realize he’s already reached.

(Or: Jack signs with the Falconers, graduates, and leaves. It's the hardest thing he's ever done. What comes after is even harder.)

self reflection by sinspiration

T | 29,218 | Summary: Bitty is in Annie’s, bent over his textbooks and wondering, not for the first time, why he decided to take French as a language (oh yes, it’s because so many old recipes are written in French, he’s going abroad there to study food history, can’t wait for the summer; half of fall and then winter semester until he goes, but that doesn’t help him now does it), when he hears someone clear their throat. “Excuse me, is this seat taken?” Oh boy. Eric doesn’t even bother lifting up his head. “Sorry, not a girl and not interested.”

Something Like This by emmagrant01

E | 285,748 | Summary: Jack thought his first year in the NHL would be 100% about hockey, but the reality is so much more complicated. (AU where the Goodbye for the Summer comics didn’t happen, because I had already written 80K words of this. But just because it’s canon doesn’t mean we can’t still enjoy long, angsty, get-together stories, amirite?)

Alternate summary, courtesy of Dracavia: What if Bad Bob didn't say anything at graduation?

Nursey/Dex

a service i can render by miastree

T | 73,484 | Summary: (11:48) Hey Bits are you free on Saturday? I want to go and see a movie or something (12:09) damn right im free (12:09) this is america

Dex wonders if the person that keeps ceaselessly texting him at all hours is at all interested in legitimate conversation or if his life is, genuinely, that boring. He keeps replying anyway, because for some reason, the appeal of a clumsy, nosy, ex-hockey-playing ballet dancer that types in all lower case happens to be greater than he first thought.

Standing right outside my door by eleanor_lavish

M | 5,594 | Summary: “I’ve been doing holidays alone for years, bro. I mean, I spent more holidays at Andover than in New York.”

Dex’s fingers tighten on the steering wheel. He kind of really hates Nursey’s parents right now, even though he’s never met them. He wants to yell at Nursey about this ridiculous chill he has going on, about how it’s fucked up, ask how he’s not just pissed off all the fucking time, but he looks over and Nursey’s eyes are still closed, and he’s curled in on himself in the seat. “Yeah, well. Not this year,” he says firmly.

I Know I Am, But What Are You? by sysrae

E | 19,322 | Summary: “I need you,” says Dex, “to be my fake date at my family Christmas. Please.”

“Cool,” says Nursey, mouth operating on Chill Autopilot while his higher brain functions come to a screeching halt. “I can do that.”

Bitty/Jack/Kent

touchy subject by applecrumbledore

E | 49,578 | Summary: Bitty finds a photo booth strip and almost doesn't recognize Jack because he's not sure he's ever seen him grin off-ice before, and his hair is so long it curls around his ears, and he's so, so young. It takes Bitty a few long seconds to realize the boy he's kissing is Kent Parson, with the same backwards cap and everything.

I Watched It Begin Again by jacksbits (fragilehuge)

E | 19,979 | Summary: Kent hits on a stranger at a party. Except the party is at Jack’s house and the stranger is Bitty. It’s not Kent’s smoothest move.

Infinity, Plus One by SummerFrost

E | 75,577 | Summary: Eric Bittle hoped to find a lot of things at Samwell University, but being caught in the cross-fire between his surly captain, Jack Zimmermann, and his friendly-but-moody alternate captain, Kent Parson, was certainly not one of them.

Ransom/Holster

Five Things Adam Birkholtz Learns in HDFS 332: Healthy Couple Relationships by EllyAvon

T | 6,079 | Summary: HDFS 332: Healthy Couple Relationships is just the night class Holster is taking with Lardo to fulfill one of his core requirements. He doesn't expect it to drastically change his life.

OR: The Weirdest Healthy Relationships PSA Ever.

OR: Wholesome Holsom

In a Different Frame by sunfair

E | 4,853 | Summary: Holster is determined to become somebody's boyfriend. Too bad he's kind of an idiot. He figures it out, though.

someone as good for me as you by astrolesbian

T | 7,056 | Summary: “So tell me,” Justin’s mother says, all business, “is your boy going to propose?”

“What, Jack?” Justin says, and doesn’t really think much of it, because his mother eats up the details of Jack and Bitty and JackandBitty like Holster eats up rom-coms.

His mother sighs, and he can practically hear her rolling her eyes. “No, baby, I meant Adam.”

Shitty/Lardo

Exeunt, Pursued By Heteronormativity by psocoptera

M | 35,786 | Summary: Shitty Knight takes a post-graduation road trip. Four friends, six thousand miles, two tents, several embarrassing photos, a giant rabbit, three cops, and a bear.

Jack/Kent

It's a Good Life If You Don't Weaken by garden of succulents (staranise)

E | 33,373 | Summary: Making it through the draft is just the beginning.

Kent and Jack are on different teams at opposite ends of the continent. They're living up to huge expectations. They're not supposed to show pain. And not everything they do to get by is precisely healthy.

Fortunately, they're not totally alone.

right on time by leetlebird

T | 49,428 | Summary: Eric Bittle doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to dating, but even he’s embarrassed for himself when he starts flirting on Tinder with a guy who has a weird cat obsession, abs so perfect they border on trashy, and DL in his profile.

Eric Bittle also hates the office finance guy, Kent Parson, more than is probably healthy to hate one of your coworkers.

These two things are in no way related.

Or, the You’ve Got Mail AU that had to be written.

didn't ask for you by Mizzy

M | 24,702 | Summary: Kent Parson has well over ninety-nine problems. He has a chronic potty mouth, a sneaking suspicion he may be an actual idiot, a narcissistically-named cat with gas issues, too many sisters... the list goes on.

Kent Parson has more than ninety-nine problems and Jack Zimmermann — freshly, resentfully and recently traded to the Las Vegas Aces — is definitely one of them.

Gen

Chime Hours by MarquisdeHockey (SpacePunkStevie) (note: it’s tagged for ships but it’s firmly gen)

M | 54,811 | Summary: Back in Montreal, not long before the draft, Jack had died. But only for a bit.

The witch he'd met there had very kindly saved his life, so he was inclined to forgive him any small oversight. For instance, the lack of instruction manual or, perhaps, the fact that he'd neglected to mention Jack's new psychic powers.

So he kept his head down. Played hockey. Tried to navigate old friends and new teammates. And, occasionally, he'd have to go and stop a death he'd seen coming like he was some sort of conscientious banshee. What he absolutely didn't want to do was to solve any mysteries or delve any deeper into the whole magic... thing.

Series

Best Laid Plans by Euphorion

E | 18,596 | Summary: "Dude," said Holster, his eyes huge, "that's so sad. We gotta get them together."

"This isn't a romcom, Holtzy," Ransom said, patting his arm. "I'm sure that's not what Shitty had in mind."

"Actually," said Shitty, "that's exactly what I had in mind. And I've got a plan."

#omgcp fic rec #check please fic rec #fic list: starter pack #mod danielle #obvs this is by no means comprehensive but we hope you all will like it!

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queen-of-hearts92 · 6 years ago

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Revue Starlight 7: Living in the state of dreaming.

Her life is a play, is a play, is a play....

For the previous episode go here!

To go to the start of these posts, go to the Prelude!

WELL. THAT ESCULATED QUICKLY.

The tipping point is here my dudes. And it’s fucking, amazing! Absolutely incredible! Blew me out of the water! The storyboarding is amazing, the fucking music the lighting like everything is so well done I can’t believe it! I’m telling you guys, masterpiece right here!

Theres a lot to talk about regarding this episode so be prepared for a very very long post.

If you haven’t seen Revue Starlight or episode 7, TURN BACK NOW. I’m spoiling everything and you REALLY don’t want to be spoiled for this!

If you haven’t seen this show yet, please PLEASE do so! Seriously, I can’t empathis enough! Don’t ignore this holy shit! Really! Seriously! I’m screaming this from the rooftops for a good reason, this is extremely good! It’s not yuri bait, it’s not an idol anime just, for the love of god don’t ignore this series! Don’t let this slide under the radar Western anime fandom! It deserves so much better than that!

Ok now that the PSA is done, here we go!

The title and caption of this post is from the song “The State of Dreaming” by Marina and the Diamonds. It’s, pretty fitting for here for sure.

>*Daft Punk voice* One more time!

*deep breath* Alright, here we go.

We open the episode in the past, this is mostly a flashback episode. It’s March 3rd, 2018, the Starlight play is being performed and we get to see more than we ever have of the play. Claire and Flora ascend up a fuck ton of stairs to get the star together, they have to pass through seven other goddesses as they climb upwards. The seven goddesses all seemed to have tried reaching the star itself in the past but failed, and they tell Claire and Flora why they failed and to not seek the star themselves. Nana’s character refers to it as a cycle of despair. Claire and Flora make it to the top and it goes how we know it does, Flora is zapped down and Claire ascends without her. As the play ends sand (or maybe it’s supposed to be stardust) rains down from the ceiling, the audience applauds as the girls take their bows. We focus on a very happy Nana who says its bright.

Wow it looks like she just put them in a...gilded cage. *Foreshadowing intensifies*

We now go to March 5th, 2018, the play’s run is over and the girls are having an after party. We get several shots of the Venus De Milo here and throughout the episode. Junna and Sanai (head play writer in case you don’t recall) walk in front of a Venus and a small scale version of the star tower and make a speech, congratulating everybody on the play’s success. The party continues with the girls talking, taking pictures, eating, etc. We go to Nana who has her phone camera in front of her eyes, she’s taking pictures of her own.

She first takes one of Junna telling her good work, Junna gets flustered and says that this play was only the first year and they gotta prepare for next year soon. Nana then walks to Karen and Mahiru and takes their picture, Nana tells Karen she did a good job and Karen says Nana was really good too. Nana asks if Mahiru was nervous, she says she wasn’t thanks to Karen. Nana walks to Maya and Claudine congratulating them on a good job, Maya thanks her and Claudine says she did NOT lose to Maya thank you very much. Maya is like “ok let’s face off again at the next audition”. Maya then looks directly at Nana and tells her essentially that she would like to face off against her too. Nana seems confused, but no matter. Nana goes to Futaba and Kaoruko next. Futaba is like idk how to play a goddess but it worked out somehow, Kaoruko starts to tease her when they both notice Nana. The two run up to her and Futaba gives her a hug, she thanks her for helping her out during this whole play. Kaoruko also thanks her for the same reason. Mahiru and a few rando girls also thank Nana for helping them during the play production.

Karen picks up a banana muffin and comes up with Nana’s legendary nickname while Nana, Kaoruko, and Futaba are doing a message train. Karen reasons that Nana is like a banana because she’s sweet and good for everyone. Junna, who had just joined the group to get food, is confused. But Mahiru thinks the nickname is cute, Kaoruko and Futaba like it too. Kaoruko says its because Nana is tall like a banana, Futaba says its because Nana smells nice. Wow Futaba. Nana laughs, she also likes the nickname. But her laughter soon goes into crying, much to the alarm of her friends. Futaba and Kaoruko ask her what's wrong and Nana smiles and says she’s crying because she’s happy. It turns out Nana’s crying caused literally everyone at the party to notice. Nana says she’s glad she came to the school and says she’ll never forget this play. Internally Nana says she found her forever friends and her destined stage. On this day, Nana was reborn as a Stage Girl. Then we get the opening.

Ah yes, the message train. A theater kid tradition!

We jump to spring break, March 26th, 2018. All the girls but Nana and Junna leave the dorms to go home for break. They say bye to Nana, who has her camera phone in front of her eyes again, and watches everyone leave. We get a few shots in the empty dorm with Nana in the same pose, she comments that it’s very quiet with everyone gone. Nana goes back to her room, Junna is reading. Upon seeing Nana holding up her camera she’s like you’re taking pictures in our room why?? Nana responds saying that she needs to take photos of all the important moments for the next school festival. Junna asks if Nana was fine not going home, Nana is surprised by this question. Junna says she isn’t going back home until she graduates (reminder note: Junna’s parents don’t approve of her being at this school) so if Nana was just staying to look after her she probs shouldn’t. Nana smiles and, after offering udon, says she’s here because she wants to be here. Junna smiles and says yes to the udon.

Fellas is it gay if you take multiple pictures of your room mate everyday?

Now it’s a new school term, they’re second years. It’s April 9th, 2018. Nana is recording Junna finishing tying her school bow on, she’s like hey Junna got a speech for the new year? Junna is like hold on I’m the class rep I gotta not do anything embarrassing! She puts on a new pair of glasses and Nana says they are the same glasses but look like new ones. Nana and Junna go to school into their new classroom, Nana goes to the front of the room to record everyone. The girls in the class wave to her, Nana shifts to the back of the classroom.

Then, Nana realizes something is off. Mysterious creepy music plays as we see our girls and the girls in the class, Nana is doing a headcount. As the number 99 zooms slowly towards the camera Nana says two of her classmates are missing. The music cuts out, Junna tells Nana that the two girls had dropped out of school. Later Nana and Junna are in the locker room, Junna is removing the dropped out girl’s name tags from the locker. She laments that it’s sad this is the first task she got as class rep, but it’s time to move forward. Nana pauses before simply saying, yeah.

It’s now May 16th, 2018, the (regular as far as we can tell) auditions for the play have started. Nana stands in the back of the practice room with the camera in front of her eyes, through the camera screen we see Claudine declaring she’ll have a perfect victory over Tendou Maya. A picture is taken, Karen pops in declaring she’ll be Flora. Another picture is taken, Mahiru pops in saying if Karen is Flora then she’ll be Claire. The next photo adds Junna, Kaoruko, and Futaba to the mix, Kaoruko is like I’ll be in the main cast this time bitch! We go back to Nana, Maya appears next to her. Maya asks if Nana had a moment to talk after class and Nana says sure, Junna notices this exchange.

Kuro is best wingman pass it on!

And now...Now is when things start taking a turn.

Maya and Nana walk outside, Nana reminisces about the starlight play as they walk. The girls pass by several buildings, some girls are there and Nana waves to them briefly. Nana wonders if they could make the exact same play as they did last time. The music changes, Maya says that even if they have the same components as the previous play it won’t be the same. While Maya is speaking we see several other girls around the area. She continues saying that the girls (the ones who dropped out) chose their own path, with their own hardships. That sometimes there are people who can’t make it even when they try their hardest, so they leave the stage. Maya says she will challenge Nana for the main character in the play this time around. Maya tells Nana that she’s very talented so she wonders why she doesn’t step it up more. And then, after we zoom in on an empty locker, the music suddenly drops out and ALL the girls we saw earlier snap their heads up and look in the direction of the screen.

After that haunting sequence, which legit startled the fuck outta me, we go to Futaba and Kaoruko standing between two vending machines. Kaoruko is taking her time deciding something and Futaba tells her to just pick already. We go back to Nana and Maya, Maya says to Nana that if she doesn’t try to give her all and refuses to change. She will never forgive her. Nana is shocked.

Later nightmare fuel aside, the framing of this shot is so good oh man!

It’s now the evening, the sky is purple. Nana sits on a bench looking through her photos from the after party. Junna, Karen, and Mahiru come on in, they look at the photos and reminisce about the party and the play. Nana says how much she loved doing the play and the three other girls also say they loved it too. Nana wonders again if they can put on the same play, she looks at her photos fondly. Karen then is like, well I hope I can be on the stage again. She says the stage is alive and always changing, therefore it can’t be the same play at all. Junna points out they also are missing classmates hence it really isn’t possible to make the same exact play. Karen stands up on a bench, ripping open a bag of dried banana chips, and is like we’ll make a WAYY better play this year! Junna is like, you dumbass don’t stand on the bench! Karen says this is her stage now and it’s fine since she took her shoes off. Junna is exasperated. Nana tunes out of the conversation, staring at the sky.

Now Nana is in the changing room at the dorms, she’s lying down staring up at the ceiling. She wonders if they’ll be successful in creating a better play. She thinks the play they did in the past was perfect as is. And then, her phone rings with a VERY familiar ringtone. Giraffe has texted Nana for the first time, Nana thinks the giraffe is cute.

We go to Nana on a stage, a very bright stage of yellow light. Behind her is a piece of the prop star tower hanging out. Giraffe is standing in front of the real one, he greets Nana with a good evening. Giraffe asks if it was too radiant, Nana doesn’t really give an answer instead she’s like giraffe?? As Giraffe explains what a revue is, we get shots of the underground stage. It’s in ruins, the chairs are messed up, there's rust on the machines, everything is cracked and ruined to hell and back, and the whole thing is partly flooded. Or really it’s sinking. We also get a shot of the props from audition duels we’ve seen already.

Nana is confused by what Giraffe means by radiance, he explains whoever shows the most radiance will get to be Top Star. After we hear a bizarre sound we get a shot of the tiara, Giraffe says that she will stand on in the Stage of Destiny if she gets Top Star and will radiant forever as an eternal star. Nana says she isn’t interested in that. Giraffe understands, so he offers her something else. What wish she did she have then? What kind of stage would she like to stand on? He says Nana has a radiant stage inside her, one so bright that she might not even be able to reach it. Nana asks if she could choose any stage she wanted, and Giraffe is like sure just join the auditions. Nana accepts joining them.

Hm, seems legit. Nothing bad will happen here.

It then cuts to, Nana winning against Maya. Nana stands in the light looking spacey and she speaks in a robotic dead sounding tone, Maya is shocked and said “so this is your true self?” she asks what made Nana change. Nana responds by asking if it’s too bright, because it’s too bright for her. As the curtain comes down, Maya asks why she’s doing this but all Nana says is she can’t reach it. Maya tries to ask what drove her to go to this extreme but she’s cut off by the curtain falling down on her. Nana claims position zero but, she doesn’t announce her name. Instead she says again she can’t reach it because it’s too bright. We see a shot of the rankings board, Nana is at the top at number one.

In the next scene Giraffe congratulates Nana on becoming Top Star. He asks if it’s too bright. Nana says yes. Giraffe asks what stage she desired, Nana says she wants to perform the Starlight play from the previous year again. Giraffe is like, alrighty then. The tiara drops at Nana’s feet on position zero, there are bright pink lights and a buzzing sound. The script with the frog on it we’ve seen Nana with before falls from the sky and we go to black.

Never underestimate the power of fruit.

The next thing Nana knows, she’s in class. The teacher announces that they will be doing the Starlight play for their three years, the class is excited. Futaba and Kaoruko don’t know what it is. Nana is like ??? what, she turns to Junna and is like hey wtf is going on. Junna is shocked and flustered at Nana using her first name, she calls Nana by her last name. Nana stares at her shocked. She realized what just happened.

She went back in time. It went from May 25th, 2018 to April 17th, 2017. We see the Starlight play being prepared and practice while Nana reveals something else. Nana going back to the past like this, isn’t a one time thing. No, it’s been done many times before by her. Nana….has trapped everyone in a time loop.

Holy shit.

Anyways, Nana has convinced herself that being in a time loop is a good thing. She has nothing to fear, no one has to grow up and feel the pain of being alive and growing. Nana says she’ll protect everyone, she’s doing this for everyone's sake. It’s fine. Nana smiles, whole holding the script close, in the bright yellow stage under the tower prop. There's a giant box with the number 99 painted on its side behind her. We learn that every loop she fights Maya, every loop she beats her. She makes the same wish. It all starts over again. But she still can’t reach the light, it’s still too bright.

And then, one day. Something different happens.

After winning again, Nana tells the Giraffe it’s still too bright. Giraffe (standing by a sudden random tree) says he has lost count in the number of times these loops have happened but he will grant her the same wish anyways. Nana asks him, why does he do this for her. Giraffe says when a Stage Girl becomes Top Star she releases a powerful radiance, a shining stage. He wants to see that, he wants to see shining stages. But, it seems like Giraffe has gotten bored of Nana’s same stage so. Something is gonna change it, or really someone. A knife is thrown down smack in the middle of position zero at Nana’s feet. It’s Hikari’s knife. Nana is shocked, she looks up and sees Hikari’s blue cape in the tree. Hikari herself stands under the tree, staring. The scene goes to black, Nana is back at the start of her loop wondering who the fuck that was.

COME TO THIS WEIRD STAGE TREE IN 5 MINUTES FOR AN ASSWHOOPIN.

Nana’s loop continues as normal, until. Until May 14th, 2018. Nana wakes up and knows something is off right away. We see the scene from episode 1 where Karen falls off her chair, Hikari is in the hallway with her suitcase. The teacher tells the class that they are getting a new transfer student, Nana is shocked.

Nana is like holy shit this is new. We then see a bunch of lines go by, they are time loops that have happened. When I slowed it down, I counted 60 lines total. So there have been 60 time loops, each one is a year and 5 months….Nana has been doing this for 60 years.

Jesus fucking christ Nana.

We then jump back to the present, the sun is going down while the girls walk home. Haunting music plays while Nana stares out a window at Hikari. She wonders how this change even happened at all, she wonders if doing the same play for 60 years really gets boring. Geez Nana, ya think?

However, Nana says her world will never change. She says Hikari’s name, and turns creepily to the camera staring directly at it. She’ll put that girl in her play. No matter what. The episode ends.

The ending theme has no vocals.

Nana...what have you done...

>We never saw it cominnnng!

-Holy mother of fucking god. I. This. Was incredible. My mind is still blown! What an excellent twist! I love this show so fucking much! I told y’all this was something special! I fucking told you! Episode 7 proved it! They could fuck it up at the end but my gut feeling is still good! Fucking anime of the year!

--Also there were AMAZING shots in this! So much good storyboarding holy shit!

-In my episode one and five write ups I took note of the dates but at the time I said they “probably aren’t relevant”. WELL GUESS WHAT PAST ME. THEY VERY MUCH ARE RELEVANT! I picked up that the show was showing us dates but not why. Gdi.

-With time nonsense happening, I made timelines (here and here) so we can keep track of what’s going on. Will update as needed and put in future write ups as needed.

-I wanna address something real quick, a lot of people are quick to make comparisons to Madoka Magica and Homura’s time travel powers. I can see why people make that comparison but the time travel here isn’t really the same at all. Homura can start the time travel whenever she likes, sure it’s limited to going to a certain day but if say she was three days into the timeline and Homura decides to go back again she can. Nana can’t do such a thing. If Nana was three days into hers and she wanted to go back she can’t, she has to become Top Star to go back in time at all. Higurashi is a closer comparison but even that isn’t too close to Nana’s time looping either, without spoiling anything in Higurashi the length of the time loops vary and aren’t the same. It can go for many years or not. Funny I think this kind of time travel in the show is closer to the movie Groundhog's Day but instead of just one day it goes for a year lol. Another comparison I’ve seen is Steins Gate but I’ve only seen one episode of that anime so I can’t comment too much on it.

Point being here is, not all time travel is the same and often isn’t compatible to each other. Nana’s time loops continuing lies solely on being Top Star, if she didn’t become Top Star no time loop will happen. It’s not superpowered base like Homura’s is nor is it like Higurashi’s which is….uh. Let’s say why the loops are happening are much more complicated than either of these shows. So, let’s stop saying Nana is pulling a Homura cause she isn’t (Homura also isn’t the first time traveler in fiction you guys, you can use other comparisons). Don’t mislead people into thinking it works like Madoka Magica’s ok? Ok.

-I feel silly now that I worked out the possible ranks in episode 5 cause as it turns out the ranking board is a lie and doesn’t matter as much as we thought it did! Maya isn’t really in first, she’s in second. Nana is first, Nana is the strongest of all of them. This means that poor Kuro is actually in third place, ouch. If she finds that out she’ll be very unhappy about that.

-Funny, I thought how this show was gonna go was Karen blasting through everyone and then they fight the evil tiara bullshit together but now that this time loop is involved, everything has fucking change. Everything! Nice!

-Interestingly, it appears there is no visual uniform difference between the years. As in first, second, and third years all have the exact same uniform. That’s not super common in high school anime I find, it’s nifty!

-There were some differences in the ending credits this time. In the past several episodes we’ve had a character sing the ending theme Fly Me to the Star. But not here, Nana doesn’t sing fly me to the stars. It’s only the instrumentals and Nana is with Giraffe instead of either by herself or with someone. Another difference was with Hikari’s hair clip, it’s usually a hand (probs Hikari’s) reaching down and touching it. But this episode, Nana is stepping on Hikari’s hair pin. I’m sure that implies nothing bad, oh wait yes it does. Hahaha she’s gonna fucking try and kill her isn’t she? Hikari is fucking screwed. ono

Another difference lies in the background, in the previous credits there’s always items that are related to whoever is singing the song slowly falling in the background. It always includes the Starlight play script but with Nana’s it’s JUST the Starlight play script and nothing else. Yikes. The last difference is at the very end, normally it has the girl(s) who sang the song standing in the spotlight. This time it’s just the frog Starlight script in the spotlight. Both of these things show how obsessed Nana is with this play, it’s consumed her entire life and her spotlight for that matter.

-After Nana wins the duels she doesn’t declare her name when claiming position zero. That’s very very odd considering everyone who’s declared position zero says their name right afterwards. Loss of identity maybe?

-At the end of the Starlight play it rained sand on the stage just like it rained water in episode two on kuromaya stage after they fight. Not sure what this means yet, instead it brings something else to mind.

-This series uses and brings up water a lot! There is several bodies of water on the campus, it’s raining after Karen’s duel with Maya and this reflection happens, it’s raining at the end of the kuromaya fight, the whole damn stage is surrounded by water, Hikari goes to aquariums in episode 4, swans are aquatic birds, we see the stage flooded in the past, and of course there is the goddess Aphrodite’s connection with water. She was born out of the ocean, you could even say she was reborn since she came from a nutsack (myths are fucking weird man). Water has a TON of symbolism behind it, it’s been used symbolically for centuries. It often symbolises birth or rebirth, cleansing yourself, purity, and there's a ton of mythos involving water and many religions practices that involve it. What’s not super known is that water as a symbol was used a lot in early sapphic literature, as were birds.

What this all means is hard to say but I think it does tie into the being reborn theme this show has. It’s a metaphorical rebirthing as we’ve seen it. Karen is reborn when she became a Stage Girl, Junna describes falling in love with theater as a child as being reborn, and Nana also refers to herself being reborn after the Starlight play after party. What being reborn really means in this show is being drastically changed by a life experience. I’m really excited to see this theme continued.

-The Venus de Milo statue makes a frequent appearance again (5 times!) and while I do think it still ties strongly to Maya there is something weird here, it seems like the statue is involved with the play somehow? It’s present at the after party, even being in front of the star tower so one would think it’s involved in the play somehow. But what? What does this statue have to do with this play? Is it cause Venus is also a star? Maybe? It’s hard to say.

-When Nana goes to the underground stage for the first time, it’s old and shitty. And flooded/sinking. Meaning this point is ground zero of when and where the duels started, it supports my idea of the stage being alive. I’ll elaborate on that point in speculation but I’ll say that the stage looking so fucked tells me it’s been a very long time since it’s been used.

--Also during these flashbacks, the Tokyo Tower isn’t in the underground stage at all. So, does this mean Hikari’s presences brought the tower there? It’s an important place for Hikari and Karen so that would make sense, the stage would have no reason to have it unless they are involved. But why? Since episode 8 looks like a focus episode on Hikari maybe we will have a better idea after that.

-Junna notices Nana and Maya talking in the practice room. I think that’s an important thing to note here cause I think Junna will be very important in getting Nana to stop the madness.

-Is the star in the tiara or the tower? Both? Or maybe the star just uses the tiara as a medium of sorts? This shit is mysterious man.

-The frog script Nana has, is it a soul gem/horcrux like thing? A timer? Can it affect reality? Looks pretty worn, I mean it has been through lots of loops. This script makes me go hmmm.

-I’m still shook by the fact Nana has kept all her friends in this gilded cage for 60 years! Nana what the fuck. Now you are probs wondering how anyone outside of the school would not notice that? I think, because Hikari and Karen went into the city, this time loop doesn’t just effect the campus it effects the city. Hell it might even effect more than the city. The whole country? The world? Like literally everywhere being time looped would match up to the lack of freaking out from outsiders. Like Nana, Nana the fuck did you do? Holy shit.

-Something I noticed right away, and got really excited, about is the fact Claire and Flora have to pass through seven gates/goddesses to get to the star. That’s just like Inanna’s myth! She had to pass through seven gates each with a gatekeeper to get into the underworld. Like holy shit that’s really cool that an Inanna has a reference again! Also the stairs were going up right? You could say, it’s a stairway to heaven? Eh? ;D

-The part when Maya and Nana are talking, we pass by all these girls. When it gets to the height of the conversation, suddenly the music stops and all the girls heads snap up and look the same direction. That scared the piss out of me! What the fuck was that?! I can’t figure it out? The best answer I got maybe is it’s something to do with the school or the stage and it didn’t like what Maya was saying? Maybe? Is this like the fighty Greek Chorus in the stage musical? Is that what happens when you get booted out from the auditions? Why did only Nana acknowledge the girls were there via waving? I?? I don’t know but that scene makes me very nervous.

--The part with Nana turning towards the camera at the end was creepy too. The shadows, the red, and the too fluid animation of her turning was all off putting but the real kicker I think is the fact she’s staring directly at the camera. Like is she talking to someone we can’t see or, is she addressing us the audience? Please no Monika I don’t wanna see anyone getting deleted.

-Right after the creepy scene with the girls all fucking pulling an Exorcist, we go to Futaba and Kaoruko talking about something seemingly unrelated. Cutting from something so intense to something so mundane seems like an odd choice right? I was stumped too at first but I figured it out! Futaba and Kaoruko are between two vending machines, one is red and one is blue. At this point in the story we’ve learned that Maya and Nana are foils to each other, I’ll elaborate on the ways they are foils later but the super short version is Maya and Nana have a conflicting way of how to see the future. Maya prefers going forward, not dwelling on the past, and so she sees the future as a good thing. Nana on the other hand is afraid of it and sees the future as something bad taking what she loves away from her. The vending machines represent that split.

When you have a scene set up to be a clear split like this then it usually indicates opposite paths or choices or in this case opposite viewpoints. Also red and blue are very often used to show opposites. This is a crossroads, do we hang on to the past or let the future come? Which direction, or vending machine, should we chose? Or will be chosen really, whoever won that first audition duel would decide what path to take. Unfortunately Nana won, and she chose the past. Now everyone is fucked.

As for why Futaba and Kaoruko were the ones in the center, it has to do with the yin and yang parallel around them we saw in episode six. While those two are in sync despite being different, Maya and Nana's views of the future cannot be in sync or coexist together. A conflict will always come. In the scene after Maya and Nana talk, the sky is purple. A combo of red and blue, or in this case a collide. This foreshadows the duel that takes place on May 25th, it’s a clashing of view points.

-It’s obvious by this point that Giraffe is not a benevolent figure, all his actions are for him and/or anyone he is working with so he can gather starlight and see shiny revues. He doesn't care about stopping Nana, he's just bored and wanted to see what would happen if everything was thrown off balance. Giraffe is the Kyubey of the situation here, the devil in dealing with the devil. All for starlight and seeing brighter revues. This isn't a revolution, it's an experiment. Seeing Giraffe as a benevolent figure is the mistake Nana made, so we the audience shouldn't trust him either. I never trusted this fucking giraffe in the first place so it doesn’t surprise me that he is pulling this shit. But, if he is a Kirin then why? What makes a Kirin turn bad like this? Hm.

-In the Starlight play gears pop up again! Mmm love the gear motif. Also wow this fucking stage is impressive, how much fucking money does this school have?! Lol.

-So the Top Star position grants wishes it seems like? Can you wish for anything or just things related to the theater? If it can cause time travel on a possible world wide scale, then what else can it fucking do? I don’t trust this Top Star wishing, nope.

-The way Giraffe was talking about starlight makes me think that yeah the system does indeed gather and/or feed off of starlight. So, is Giraffe the Starlight Gatherer? The stage itself? The mystery continues.

-During the flashback while the stage is in ruins, we see props backstage that are from previous revues. The stars from Hikari and Junna’s stage, the cat in a baseball outfit from Mahiru’s stage, a lantern from Futaba and Kaoruko’s stage, one of the glasses buildings from Junna’s stage, and Maya’s stairs and pillar and chandelier and big ass bird from her stage (geez Maya, hogging space much?). Claudine’s is there too but its not grouped with the others, it’s right over here! It’s likely not with the other ones cause IT’S A FUCKING HUGE BUILDING. Kuro goes big or goes home. But the odd thing is, the duels haven’t even started yet. So what are these doing here? Have they been, preprepared?

-So we’ve been told that if you get booted from the duels then you lose the most important thing to a Stage Girl, knowing what we know now I really wonder what the fuck that could possibly be? The other girls had to have lost in the other loops for Nana to keep winning Top Star and we don’t see what happens to them at all. Is it a thing? Is it the starlight draining theory I’ve talked about before? I don’t know like, man these loops made everything more complicated lol.

-In the credits, Nana leaning towards Hikari and she’s also right over position zero! Fuckin, that foreshadowing man! I love it!

>So, about Nana, Maya, and Hikari.

There’s so much to talk about regarding these three that they need their own section. They are very deeply involved with this time clusterfuck. And, wow who knew that Nana and Maya would end up as foils to each other? That’s fucking wild.

-Nana

Let’s start with the one who kicked all this shit off. Oh poor Nana, I really do feel for this girl. For starters I don’t think Nana is evil at all, no she’s just a scared lonely girl who’s been preyed upon by the stage. She’s made a huge mistake, making a Faustian deal with forces that she doesn’t understand, and everyone pays the price for it including her. Nana’s backstory must be really fucked up, I mean I don’t think it will go too fucked up but it will be sad as hell I bet. She probably didn’t have any friends before coming to the school and I’m betting she either has dead parents or stage parents.

If she has stage parents then they likely pushed her into being the most perfect Stage Girl, being controlling and overbearing as hell. And they treated her like crap the entire way. Maybe Nana didn’t want to come to this school at first but when she did, oh look she has freedom for the very first time in her life. Nana having these kind of parents would also parallel Maya’s who are famous stage actors, and the two of them reacted differently to the pressure placed on them during their lives. I’ll talk more about their similarities later.

So after Nana came to the school she made friends for the first time, what she did was considered good enough and she got praise and loved by others. Positive attention is something Nana likely never had before so she ended up associating love and happiness with that specific point in her life, and this caused her to grow very attached to that point in time. Nana being so love starved made her crave going back to that time, in her mind that’s the time where she’s loved and appreciated and she can’t even imagine that she can get love and appreciation outside of that specific chunk of time. Hence she clings to it hardcore, and becomes upset when being told she can’t ever go back to that time. So when offered a way to go back she jumped at the chance, not considering the consequences this will bring. After Nana said she didn’t want the power Top Star gives you, Giraffe changes his tactics and says she can choose any stage she wants. Any stage at all. And so, we ended up here.

I totally understand Nana is coming from, it’s hard to leave happy past experiences behind. To never have the same ones ever again. It’s hard to grow up and be thrown into a cold adult world. Life changing is hard, and when you grow up sad and miserable you want to cling to any happiness you can get. I very much understand why Nana keeps this time loop going. That being said however, what she’s done is a horrible thing to do to her friends and it is so incredibly selfish of her to keep it going like this.

Nana has rationalized her time looping as she’s doing it for everyone's sake, to spare them any future pain. But, just cause she thinks that doesn’t mean it’s true. Her friends never asked her to do this and I’m pretty positive they wouldn’t want to be stuck in this time loop, but Nana never asks them or considers that hey just cause you’re afraid of the future doesn’t mean you should take away other people’s choices and make the choices for them! Nana resetting any character development is also a very fucked thing to do, like for example if she did reset it like normal now that means that Mahiru never detached her self worth from Karen. Futaba and Kaoruko’s relationship issues never got resolved. Karen and Junna would never become friends. Any development Maya and Kuro would’ve gotten would be tossed out the window. Nana is taking all growth away from them every time she resets, just cause she doesn’t want anything to change.

It’s cruel, keeping them in this gilded cage and never letting anyone move forward with their life or get over their hang ups. I have a feeling the other girls are going to find out about this, the fallout will be bad. Very bad. However at this point Nana is pretty overpowered with starlight and 60 years of experience, she won’t be easy to beat. The starlight itself I think, while very useful, is a corruptive dangerous thing especially when someone is overloaded with it. Maybe it’s even addictive. Nana and Giraffe appear to both be obsessed with it and this overload of starlight is likely making Nana’s mental state even worse. This is gonna turn messy.

I think Nana can still be saved, redeemed even! I’m pretty positive Junna will be a huge factor in that. Nana obviously has a crush on her, just look at all the pictures she takes of Junna alone. We haven’t seen these two a ton together but enough to know they are close friends with each other. There will be more in future episodes I think, it’s gonna be wild. Help us Jun-Jun! Go go save Banana! We need ya!

Nana is someone who represents the past, she can’t let go and she can’t/doesn’t want to move forward. She’s dragged everyone else into this bullshit because she is so afraid of the future. The future is unknown and scary. The past is easy and comforting, as well as predictable. But it’s stifling, no one can grow and change. It’s a gilded cage, and Nana has trapped everyone including herself in it. She has to let go of the past and move forward understanding the future isn’t hopeless and that she can still get positive attention and love going forward.

-Maya

Oh Maya, oh dear. Amists all this time looping is Maya, it’s unknown if Maya has any memories of previous time loops but regardless if she does or doesn’t it’s fucked for her either way. If she does remember all the loops then she’s been failing to stop this and reliving the same block of time for 60 years, it’s amazing she hasn’t lost her mind! If she only remembers some loops or bits and parts then there's probably this endless feeling of dread and paranoia plus the fact she keeps failing over and over. If she doesn’t recall anything at all then she’s been doing the same fruitless quest for years without realizing that it’s all pointless. Another possible idea is her memory slowly returns during the year then she loses AGAIN and it fades away no matter what she does. Jesus christ how horrifying. 8(

Nana always fights Maya for the Top Star and Maya always loses, mostly cause the cards are stacked against her. Not only does Nana have all that starlight power but she's been fighting for 60 years and remembers doing it. So Maya can’t ever beat her, she’s extremely outmatched. I can only imagine how stressful that would be if she recalls anything, remembering endless failure to break her and her friends out of this hellscape. If Maya does indeed remember, then she is likely aiming for Top Star not to really use it for herself but to stop the madness. If she wins she can break everyone outta the loop, but she keeps losing over and over and she keeps tackling the problem alone. We gonna need everyones for this task Maya!

Maya is someone who always looks to the future, always restless and never fully satisfied where she is in life. As someone who also rarely feels fully satisfied, this feeling is both a blessing and a curse. It gives you a drive for sure but it’s also painful in that nothing you do will ever be good enough. I can tell ya for sure that this feeling 100% comes from having anxiety. Wooo. This kind of drive however, ended up keeping her from making any sort of deal with Giraffe. I think Maya and Nana were the first people contacted and offered the deal, show off starlight and get your stage with whatever you desire. The system aimed to take advantage of the most fucked up of the Stage Girls, but the thing is. Maya has nothing to really gain from a Top Star wish. Any stage the Top Star could grant would not be good enough for her to want to make that wish.

So Kuro was right in episode four, it’s VERY weird that Maya is in these auditions at all. She wouldn’t go back to the past like Nana has, not for any reason. Maya wants to move forward, and she wants everyone else to move forward too. That’s why she pulled Nana aside to talk to her, Maya feels Nana is wasting all her talent and potential. That bothers Maya, a lot. She’s probably even offended by it. Maya greatly respects things like passion, growth, and determination so Nana damping her own growth when she can do so much more just pisses her off and that’s why Maya is so worked up during their conversation. She talks to Nana, and is very blunt about her point, because she isn’t going to stand by and let someone so talented do that to themselves. Hence I think it’s possible Maya first entered the audition duels to stop Nana from doing something foolish. It’s also possible she did it to give others a challenge, someone to defeat, but that still begs the question of what the hell will she do if she gets Top Star? We don’t really have an answer right now cause we are still missing info about Maya, but it’s a question to keep in mind.

Maya’s monologue this episode is about the beauty of choice basically, people choosing a path and doing their damndest to follow it. And even if they can’t get to their original goal and drop away from it, that’s fine because it’s their choice and they are still moving forward with their life. I think Maya really respects people who choose to rise to a challenge and face it head on. That’s one of the reasons why she fell for and respects Claudine, she’s willinging to confront and challenge Maya who is believed to be untouchable and Maya loves that there’s someone who can not only match her like that but keeps pushing to be even better than she was before. She loves a woman who can kick her ass (or tries to). Anyways, Maya’s monologue ties in well with her character. Also the Venus De Milo statues are back again because Maya plays quite a big role in this episode and in general. She’s the one Nana has to beat every time after all.

Y’all might be wondering why I referred to Maya as one of the most fucked up out of the girls, well I did say she likely had a similar childhood to Nana’s so. I can tell you from experience that you don’t get someone like Maya out of a happy childhood. Maya’s parents are famous stage actors so from the moment she was born she had expectations placed on her. Lots of pressure to be as good as they are, a very stressful thing to put on a child. I talked about her possible past in episode five’s write up so I’ll try not to repeat myself too much here. Like Nana she probably didn’t grow up with many, if any, friends and always had the expectations from others hanging over her head all the time. I think it’s possible what made Maya and Nana’s paths split is because there was someone in Maya’s life that positively influenced her and Nana never got that. I dunno who in Maya’s life did that and it could’ve been an event in her life instead, either way this would be the moment she was “reborn” as a true Stage Girl. This is a guess from what I know about Maya and Nana but I think it’s possible.

What Maya and Nana strongly have in common is loneliness. Maya is used to living her life alone at the top, she believes this is the cost of being at the top and that’s that. She’ll accept it and move on, but people are social animals. We need interactions with someone or we go mad from the isolation, so really Maya hasn’t moved on from that. But since Maya always moves forward to the future, she probably hasn’t reflected on that aspect at all so she just tries to keep going. However ignoring your emotional hang ups doesn’t work forever, but Maya isn’t going to ask for any sort of help or talk to someone about it. Maya probably never learned how to do that. Nana doesn’t do it either, she probably doesn’t think it’s important enough to bother anyone by it. Both of these girls got a lot to sort out and the stage can be turned around and used to help instead of harm! That’s what I’m expecting anyways.

Another comparison is their roles they have for the stage and system itself. Maya is a symbol of what the system wants, she’s talented and full of radiance. And while this gives her power, she’s still only a symbol. She can easily be taken down by the system. Nana’s role is an enforcer, she’s the true guard dog of the system. She enforces the status quo and literally prevents change coming into the system. Nana has a ton of power hence she can take down Maya, but Nana is still just a cog in the machine. The system uses her, she isn’t very free from it either.

Maya represents the future, she’s always looking forward and always aiming for progress. But you can’t look away from any ghosts of the past forever. Looking at the past can be painful, while looking at the future is hopeful. It’s going to be hard to watch Maya having to confront herself so to speak but she needs to do that or the past will weight her down and prevent her from moving forward like she wants to.

Quick note: If Maya isn’t aware of the time loops and finds out about them, she’ll be beyond fucking pissed. Like jesus christ heaven help you if a livid Tendou Maya is coming for ya!

-Hikari

Well, Hikari is full of surprises isn’t she? There’s still a lot we don’t know about this girl, but we did learn something huge about her. Hikari being here changes everything, like she fucks the entire loop up! The auditions started two days earlier than they normally do for starters. Hikari being here caused Karen to join the duels which causes more chaos. And at this point, as you can see on the timeline I made, we’ve passed the normal reset date! No wonder Nana is like fuck fuck what the fuck is happening.

We still don’t know why Hikari came here in the first place but my best guess is she was either told or found out that Karen is in danger so she came to save her. It’s likely Giraffe is the one who let her know, he was getting bored after all. He likely chose Hikari because she’d have a motivation to come and stay, the motive would be of course Karen. There’s a theory that Hikari comes from a timeline where Karen died thanks to the auditions so she wished to go to one where she never joined the auditions, and that caused her to crossover and crash Nana’s time loop. Why Hikari is so desperate is because unless she wins Top Star, this is her only shot to save Karen. It’s a pretty plausible theory! Regardless of why, Hikari is here and she’s causing change.

Hikari is the present, she changes both the past by crashing the time loop and therefore changes the future. She’s very much the wild card around here, who knows what else she will change?

Now here we are with these three girls all involved in this time fuckery, Hikari and Maya already conflict with Nana due to her desire to keep everything the same. But what about Hikari and Maya? Would they get along at all? That I find to be quite a mystery. The most interaction we have had is Maya’s reaction to her in episode one, which is this and this if you don’t recall. Knowing what we know now I have a guess actually. It’s a bit out there but, it’s what I got for now. When Maya loses her duel with Nana the curtain falls on her right? We’ve seen at the end of two and six’s audition duels that the curtain doesn’t automatically teleport you outta there, so. Maya could still be behind that curtain, how long she’d be there I dunno but it’s very possible she’s still there just off stage. If that’s the case then Maya could have seen Hikari backstage, maybe even spoke with her. There's enough time for a brief meeting since Giraffe rambles about starlight for a bit before Hikari throws her knife.

So, maybe her expression from Hikari looking at her is surprised and confused because Maya recognizes her. But because of time travel shit, Maya doesn’t know how or why she recognizes her. I imagine that would be very confusing hence why she looks like she’s thinking deeply in the shower, wondering why she recognizes this girl she’s never met before. The comment about Hikari’s heart later I think is just Maya being Maya and answering Kuro wondering if Hikari was rival material. I don’t think she’d tell anyone that she recognizes this stranger for pretty much no reason at all, Maya probably doesn’t want to sound nuts. Like I said, I know this theory is out there but at this point who knows what could happen?

I’m eager to see how this plays out, Karen is actually a wild card too since she’s never joined the auditions until now. But unlike the other three, the lack of awareness of how fucked this situation is prevents her from being too involved at the moment. I hope everyone can make it out of this ok, they deserve happiness!

>Speculation! Here we go! Here we go again! Now here we go again!

-Hikari maybe has fought before has already had something taken from her, that’s why she hasn’t been super successful during her duels. I dunno, throwing it out there cause at this point I’m very ??? a lot about Hikari.

-I think the stage is alive. It’s an eldritch location kind of deal, hence it can bend reality within its domain and shoot Hikari outside in episode three. Giraffe is it’s avatar of sorts, a means of communication. It lives deep under the school, and it’s probably been there a long time. Sleeping or maybe waiting? I think the stage is activated by something, the something I’m thinking of is the Starlight play. It plays songs from the play and has the same exact grey tower with the star inside so it must be closely related to it. When the play is assigned to a class is the time where it awakens. Judging by the state of the stage when Nana first goes there, it’s been a very long time since a class got this play.

After it awakens, it decides on what girls will be chosen as Stage Girls. It chooses the girls with the most possible release of a lot of starlight, which it feeds off of, and then its studies the chosen girls. It can probably do shit like reading minds and such, hence it creates props for the stage girls. All ready to go. Then the time comes, the play is performed and in May the girls are summoned. And the revue commences! It feeds, it’s pleased. Guess we will find out what happens when it’s not please. O_o

-OK SO, there might be another goddess involved here. This one has less evidence so take it with a grain of salt. I’m thinking Hikari has a goddess association too, Ariadne. How I got to this is from reading about the circle of stars again. So Hikari’s hair decoration on her stage outfit is a circle of stars, Ariadne is strongly associated with these stars. The star crown either was put in the sky when she died or she wears it to make her immortal hence a goddess. Ariadne is known for leading Theseus out of the labyrinth/maze, in a way Hikari is doing something similar. Trying to lead Karen away from danger. Ariadne is the goddess of labyrinths, mazes, paths, fertility, snakes, and passion. Yup, another goddess associated with passion! Speaking of passion, there was an ancient cult that worshiped both Aphrodite and Ariadne, they had a sacred grove. Not a ton of info has been found about this cult but I do think it's interesting that we got the goddess Maya is associated with here. And if two major players have goddesses associated with them, then Nana must have one too.

Hers is harder to pin down right now, but underworld goddesses seem to suit her. Like Persephone, besides being an underworld goddess she is also the goddess of flowers, vegetation and springtime. She’s also associated with a fruit, the pomegranate. Another is Ereshkigal, queen of the underworld and sister to Inanna. She kept Inanna and her husband trapped in her realm until they were bailed out by Inanna’s sister in law. Now these connections are very loose and I might be reaching here so take both Hikari’s and Nana’s with a grain of salt. I’m gonna keep it in mind for the time being.

>Things I picked up on a series rewatch.

-Nana suddenly having an interest in Hikari in episode two became much creepier. Hikari glaring at her in the elevator also makes more sense. Nana cornering her to give her pudding was quite a power move lol. But I also think Nana was trying to befriend Hikari, remember Nana wants positive attention more than anything hence she tries the peaceful way first. I wonder if they talked to each other while dancing? I also still wonder if they dueled like I thought they did in my episode two write up.

-Several of Nana’s lines saying shit like “I’ve never done this before!” look so different now man.

-You can see Nana’s surprised reaction in episode one!

-Nana might be able to teleport? She pops up by Hikari twice so fast in episode two. I don’t know though??

-I get why Giraffe sat with Junna, Nana probably wants her crush to be as comfortable as she can be so she’s like “hey Giraffe pls sit with her”. Or that’s my guess anyways.

-Nana’s and Maya’s brief convo in episode three is quite different now. It can be taken two ways. If Maya doesn’t remember the loops then she’s probably happy Nana is finally doing something with her talent. If she does remember the loops at all she’s probably thinking “Oh this is new. Maybe she won’t pull that time travel shit this time.” *later* “I was wrong.”

-Her talking about the past Starlight play is so much more off putting now. Like dude, isn’t 60 FUCKING TIMES ENOUGH FOR YOU?! JESUS.

There’s a lot more than this most likely, but I forgot to write them down and I don’t have time to go through the episodes any more so this is what I got!

>THIS SHIT IS BANANAS, B-A-N-N-A-N-A-S!

Holy banana nuts, this show is soooo fucking good! Like holy shit it’s better than I even imagined! I’m very much looking forward to episode 8! I fucking, I’m so happy I chose to watch this series. This is fucking amazing holy shit! Spread this show like wildfire! Please! I’m ascending. Yes, oh my god! Bless! Bless this show! \^w^/

See you on the stage for episode 8!

#revue starlight #shoujo kageki revue starlight #moo watches revue starlight #I broke my record! this was 21 pages long woo!#and its 9671 words long!#yeeeehawwww #edit: fuck I meant 22. it's 22 pages long!

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welllpthisishappening · 7 years ago

Text

The PyeongChang Triple (13/15)

It’s the Olympics. The. Olympics. And Emma’s running out of post-it notes to write schedules and plans on and there are more games and more expectations and not enough time for any of it. She’s fine. Totally. Absolutely. If she could just sleep. Or stop feeling as if her knees are going to give out every time she stands up. Or get Ruby to stop staring at her like that. It’s fine. After all Killian Jones, captain of Team USA, keeps promising it will be.

He’s going to win. Again. At the Olympics. And Killian’s not nervous. Not about that. It’s hockey. He could play hockey in his sleep. Probably. He’s never tried that. But he probably could. And, sure, there are expectations and games and schedules and barely any time for what he wants to actually be doing, but winning a Gold medal isn’t bad. After all, Emma Swan, temporary New York Rangers Olympics team social media manager, keeps promising it will be.

They’re fine. They’re going to win. Together.

Rating: Mature. Swearing, hockey-type violence, lotsa making out. Word Count: 8.7K of surprises and lettuce. That’ll make sense. AN: The final three chapters are future-type things of absolute tooth-rooting fluff. On fluff on fluff on fluff. This is no exception. And also very similar to my own experiences in real life and maybe Emma’s entire thought process was my thought process. Write what you know, you know? As always I can’t thank you guys enough for continuing to read all the words I keep throwing at you. It’s the best. As are @laurnorder & @distant-rose who made this story a story. Also on Ao3 and FF.net

“What if we just...got married?” Emma took a step into the room, pushing her hand into her lower back and appreciating the slightly stunned look on Killian’s face. He pulled his feet off the coffee table they’d been resting on, turning slowly to stare at her. “What?” he asked incredulously.

She shrugged, tugging her lip in between her teeth and maybe this was a bad idea. She hadn’t really thought it through.

No, that was a lie.

She’d thought about nothing except it for the better part of the last week. And the last five months if she was being honest.

She wasn’t really being honest.

Five months after the Olympics and South Korea and they hadn’t really done anything wedding related – much to Mary Margaret’s dismay. There, quite simply, wasn’t time. There was a season to get back to and a Cup defense to stage and they’d have to buy a brand-new apartment if only to fit the ridiculous number of trophies they were collecting on the counter.

“Swan, sit down,” Killian said, nodding towards the empty space on the couch next to him. He’d been as good as his word – stupid worried and ridiculously overprotective and Emma couldn’t think about that for too long or she’d absolutely start to cry.

Hormones.

Or something.

“I’m perfectly capable of standing,” she argued, not entirely certain why she was arguing when her back felt like it was about to snap in half. Her feet hurt too. Constantly. Nonstop. Even when she sat down.

Killian sighed, running a hand through his hair and glancing up at her with enough concern that Emma felt her resolve slipping immediately. “Swan,” he muttered, pulling her hand away from her back to replace it with his own, thumb pressed against the base of her spine.

“Jeez, that’s not even fair,” she mumbled, forehead falling against his shoulder before she could stop herself.

“Sit down, love.” “All I do is sit. I am bored.”

She whined out the last few words, dragging out the syllables against the fabric of his team-branded t-shirt and it wasn’t really true. She wasn’t bored.

There hadn’t been time to be bored.

They hadn’t left the apartment for those three days post-Olympics, had turned their phones off and pulled several wires out of the wall, Killian promising he was certain he could fix that, eventually, but when the three days were up, there were hundreds of messages and e-mails and David had shown up in front of their door demanding proof that they both hadn’t been murdered at some point.

There was still a season to play.

They won. Again.

Nearly two decades without a Stanley Cup in New York and now this stupid team had won back-to-back years and set an NHL record for wins in a single season and Killian was on some kind of fast track to being the goddamn greatest player to ever wear a Rangers jersey.

And she’d resolutely refused to miss any of it – despite the collective efforts of the New York Rangers entire goddamn roster for her to sit down. She was the most stubborn person in the world. Or so Killian promised.

The tabloids had, collectively, lost their minds – as if that was something tabloids could actually do – when she started to show, rumors swirling somewhere around the start of the playoffs and Ruby, suddenly, had two jobs – dealing with media requests for the hockey dynasty she had on her hands and shutting down every single demand for a comment about Cap’s kid.

That’s what they kept calling him.

Cap’s kid.

Emma, at least, appreciated the alliteration.

Killian still hadn’t moved his hand, drawing out tiny circles on Emma’s back until she exhaled against and she could feel him shift underneath her, trying to move his hand to brush across the swell of her stomach and he kept doing that too.

God, she was happy.

And she wanted to get married.

That day.

She was, almost, mad they weren’t married already. Almost. It would have been irrational to actually be mad.

“Swan, sit down, please,” Killian muttered and she could tell he was trying to be stern, but then he kissed the top of her head and that all kind of flew out the window.

“There’s three more months of this, buddy. You’re going to give yourself a heart attack. I can only imagine what your blood pressure must be like.” “My blood pressure is fine, love,” he countered, pulling back to stare at her meaningfully. Ah, they were back to stern. “It’s yours I’m worried about.” “Oh my God, you’ve got to stop reading all those books.” “They’re not books.” Emma rolled her eyes, shrugging for added emphasis and she couldn’t really move – at least not when he had her locked in between his arms and his hand really did feel good on her back. She couldn't seem to ever get comfortable.

Three. More. Months.

“Forgive me,” she corrected, sarcasm hanging off every syllable. “You’re right, they’re not books. They’re websites. Let’s be as specific as possible.” Killian quirked one eyebrow, smirk settling on his face with practiced ease. Emma tried not to sigh too loudly when his thumb shifted again, pressing into a knot she hadn’t been able to completely ignore for the better part of the last forty-eight hours. “Testy this afternoon, huh?”

“That’s because you’re not listening to my plan,” Emma said, squeezing her eyes shut when he moved to her shoulders and the back of her neck. “You are cheating, Jones. I came out here with a very specific type of schedule.”

“You know I feel like I should be offended by these accusations of cheating. Face of the league and whatnot, the NHL can’t afford those kinds of things to just be thrown around like that. What if it makes it way into a headline?” Emma groaned, but he was clearly enjoying himself – eyes just a bit too bright to completely ignore and maybe if they sat down she could figure out a way to stretch out her calves and kiss him. Definitely kiss him.

“Idiot,’ she grumbled, tugging on the front of his t-shirt to pull him back down towards the couch as she fell into the corner. Killian shot her a glare, mouth set in a frustrated line, and Emma huffed dramatically, crossing her arms tightly over her chest. “I fell into a mountain of pillows,” Emma said, leaning back into the small collection that didn’t quite fit in the bedroom. “There is, literally, nothing for you to be worried about.”

Killian made a face, but he didn’t actually argue and Emma knew she’d won. “You are sitting down,” he reasoned and it sounded like he was trying to convince himself it was fine.

“You worry way too much. Heart attacks. Blood pressure.” “Swan, I worked out this morning.” “Does skating with Roland and Henry count?” He widened his eyes meaningfully – as if to say it should have counted several times over. “Would you like to double check on the state of my several dozen bruises?” This was a distraction. She knew it. He knew she knew it.

He knew she knew he didn’t care either.

Or something.

“What’s the matter, Cap? Can’t keep up with Henry and his checks? Will’s fairly convinced he’s going to take over the league any day now. Just graduate high school and take over his job as defender of the Rangers first line.” “That would require him to be in high school first,” Killian pointed out. “And, no, not Henry. Roland. You know he scored on Jeff today. And not just because Jeff was trying to let him. He actually scored. I thought Locksley was going to explode with pride.” Killian grinned at her – eyes just as bright as they’d been when he was teasing her, but there was a note of pride there as well and something else Emma couldn’t quite name.

It sounded a bit like hope.

Cap’s kid.

“We’re going back in a couple of days,” Killian added, tugging Emma’s legs up over his as she sank further into the mountain of pillows. “Liam's been demanding he get a chance on the ice too.” “The twins will be thrilled.” Killian hummed in agreement, tracing out patterns against the side of her stomach and the top of her thighs and for half a moment she thought he’d forgotten entirely about the plan. Or her attempts at a plan.

It wasn’t really all that thought out.

She just wanted.

“They’re going to ask about wedding planning too,” he muttered and Emma grinned at the note of frustration in his voice. “El’s got several opinions on color schemes.” “She’ll have to go through Reese’s and Ruby first. Hey, maybe they can stage some kind of color-off in the back corner of the restaurant and they can just decide...all of that.” Killian’s eyes flitted up towards hers and the frustration was replaced with amusement. “You don’t have to answer them, love. It’s not as if we haven’t had other things going on.” “No, no, I know,” Emma groaned. They were straying – a distinct lack of focus in the conversation that was treading dangerously close to wasting time.

Anna had been at the brownstone for three days already – Emma’s phone the unlucky victim of her return stateside and plans and ideas and suggestions that weren’t really suggestions. And she wasn’t really overwhelmed.

That wasn’t the right word for it.

She wanted – as much as she had during the Games and those three days after the Games that had been somewhere in the realm of perfect – but she was a bit selfish too and while Emma knew exactly what she wanted. She wished everyone would leave her alone to go get it.

She wanted to get married and she didn’t care about color schemes or appetizer choices or anything that wasn’t signing her name on the license that let them file joint tax returns.

Killian shifted underneath her, hissing slightly when he hit his back against the top of the couch and she’d stolen all the pillows.

“But,” he said suddenly, glancing at her expectantly and Emma probably shouldn’t have been surprised that he knew.

“Should that have been a question?” He shook his head, tongue pressed on the inside of his cheek and eyebrows drawn low. “No.” Emma grimaced, dimly aware of her phone vibrating somewhere. It was probably underneath all the goddamn pillows. “But,” she repeated. “I don’t want a dozen appetizers.” Killian’s eyes widened for half a moment, smile inching across his face slowly and he leaned forward to brush his lips against hers before she was entirely prepared for it. It left Emma chasing after him, knocking several pillows on the floor as she tried to move or, at least, sit up straighter.

“That does seem excessive,” Killian admitted, slinging his arm around her shoulders as he tugged her back up against his side. “And I can tell Banana to shut up.” “You don’t have to do that.”

“Swan, I can feel your phone vibrating through the couch. She’s got to take a deep breath. Mary Margaret too. I know she’s trying to help, but a dozen appetizers is just insane. No one needs that many choices.” Emma sighed softly, resting her head on his shoulder. “I just…”

“What?” “I just want to get married,” she whispered, mumbling the words against his t-shirt. Killian’s arm tightened slightly, fingers carding through the ends of her hair and his left hand kept finding its way back to the side of her stomach.

“When?” Killian asked and Emma jerked back slightly at the urgency in his voice. He didn’t say anything when she moved, just stared at her like she was the center of the goddamn universe and maybe they didn’t really need a plan.

Maybe they could just get married.

Emma licked her lips quickly and biology or whatever was the absolute dumbest thing in the entire world because she was crying before she could stop herself, Killian’s thumb brushing across her cheek as soon as the first bits of emotion fell from her eyes.

“When, Swan?” he repeated, just a bit softer that time and the ends of his mouth ticked up. Hope. It was absolutely hope.

“Tomorrow,” Emma said slowly, stretching out the word like she was nervous he’d argue before she’d finish getting the syllables out.

He didn’t.

Of course he didn’t.

He kissed her, surging up quickly and easily and she was six months pregnant – it shouldn’t have still felt like everything. It felt a bit more than that.

Hormones were the absolute worst.

She kept her hands in his hair when his tongue traced over the curve of her bottom lip, tugging back slightly and Killian sighed against her, sending a shockwave down Emma’s spine. Her shoulders heaved when he pulled away, pupils blown wide and mouth half hanging open and he was still gaping at her like he couldn’t quite believe she was there.

“Tomorrow,” Killian repeated. “You want to get married tomorrow?” “You have to wait twenty-four hours after you get a marriage license before you can actually do it. Unless you get some kind of judicial waiver, but you’re not, like, being deployed or something, so it seems like bad karma to even try for that. I think we can survive twenty-four hours. Right?” Killian clicked his tongue, shaking his head. “Maybe,” he muttered and Emma felt a flush of happiness shoot through every single one of her veins and maybe her arteries and she really didn’t know how biology worked.

“So,” Killian continued softly, tracing his thumb just under her engagement ring. “We go get a licencse and we...what?” Emma shrugged. “Get married?”

“Tomorrow.” She nodded, tugging her lip in between her teeth tightly. “Yeah. And we avoid the appetizers and the color schemes and seating charts and we just...do this.” “Seems only right Matthew’s parents are married before he shows up,” Killian grinned, moving his eyebrows quickly when Emma groaned. “Scandalous otherwise.” “Tabloid worthy.” “You know I do like the idea of you being my wife, love.” Emma rolled her eyes, but her heart leapt at that particular word and she’d only let herself consider that in the most abstract of situations. It sounded better when he said it.

“Then we’re doing this?” she asked, not quite sure if she was looking for confirmation or acceptance or a bit more enthusiastic making out in the corner of the couch.

Killian nodded. “Ask again, Swan.” “What?” “Again,” he repeated and she’d never be able to quite decide the best way to describe the way he kept looking at her, a mix between wonder and joy and that want she felt in the very center of her. Emma was fairly certain she moved, something that might have been a jerky nod or a quiet yeah, ok, but it all felt a bit breathless and he kept calling her Swan. Still.

“What if we just got married tomorrow?” she asked. “Just us. You and me and the head of lettuce.” Killian beamed at her. “Perfect,” he said, moving slightly, but he didn’t kiss her the way she expected. He ducked his head instead, brushing his lips across her stomach and she could feel his smile through the fabric of her t-shirt.

The worker at the City Clerk’s office recognized them – or, at least, recognized Killian, eyes going wide and mouth going slack when their number was called.

“Shit,” he mumbled, dropping the pen he was trying to hand Emma on the floor and Killian rolled his eyes. Emma laughed, some kind of weird, giddy sound that didn’t match up with how much her back still hurt or how goddamn swollen her ankles were and the website might claim Matthew Jones was the size of one lettuce head, but he felt a bit like a bowling ball settling on her pelvis.

“Not a word,” Killian said, voice low as he leaned over to grab the half-forgotten pen, but there was an edge to his voice that left the clerk nodding slowly, an unspoken understanding reached right there under the florescent lights. “Is that understood?” The clerk nodded again, holding his hand out for their driver's licenses. “Yeah, yeah, of course,” he muttered. “Mum’s the word, Cap. Nice shot in the Final, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Killian said, not sounding even remotely thankful and his eyes darted around the room like the half a dozen people around them were all plotting different ways to sell them out to Page Six.

Emma smiled as the clerk mumbled something about processing and notary and right back, resting a hand on the front of Killian’s shirt. He’d changed out of team-branded. “Blood pressure,” she reminded him and he sighed against her, tugging her back against his side.

“I know you’re reading websites too, Swan,” Killian said, kissing the top of her head lightly when the clerk returned with processed papers and explanations of how this works.

They nodded, far too aware of the rules already – as if they both hadn’t scoured the City Clerk’s website on the car ride downtown – and did their best to smile when a pile of paperwork was pushed their direction.

“So, that’s it,” the clerk finished. “Twenty-four hour wait period and you guys are good to go anywhere in the entire state of New York. Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Jones.” Emma blinked once, stiffening slightly against Killian and she heard his breath catch in his throat, arm tightening just a bit when he gripped her shoulder. The clerk looked nervous again, smile just on the wrong side of forced and they should have been gone, walking away from the cubicle with paperwork in hand.

They still had to find rings.

But that was the first time Emma had heard that out loud and it sounded a lot better than she expected it to.

“Let’s go Rangers,” the clerk muttered, practically tripping over the words and Killian nodded deftly, grabbing the licenses without a word.

They didn’t say anything until they were back on the sidewalk – jam-packed with tourists and suits and people who didn’t quite understand New York once they got off the midtown grid. Emma took a deep breath, grimacing slightly when she was hit with the distinct scent of street-car hot dogs and that seemed to wake Killian up, snapping his head around towards with a wide-eyed expression that was bordering somewhere close to panic.

“Swan,” he said slowly, tongue darting out between his lips and he looked like he couldn't quite catch his breath. “I...” She wasn’t sure what did it – the shaky way he trailed off or the way he couldn’t quite hold her gaze for more than a few seconds or how much she absolutely hated the smell of street-cart hot dogs – but Emma took two steps forward before he could keep talking, wrapping her arms around his neck and tugging his head down until he didn’t really have any choice except to kiss her back.

“Deep breaths,” she muttered, still lingering in his space and she could just barely make out his smile.

“He shouldn’t have just assumed.” “He was star-struck. You can’t really blame him. And uh….” She trailed off too and, well, maybe this wasn’t the best place to have this conversation. She’d been hit with four difference briefcases and one rather aggressive shoulder blade already.

“Swan,” Killian said, the question in his voice obvious and she just nodded down to the paperwork he still had clutched in between them.

It was obvious as soon as he saw it – jaw practically landing on the sidewalk and his knees wobbled slightly. They hadn’t really discussed it. Although to be fair, until a few hours before, they hadn’t really discussed anything to do with a wedding and it was some kind of spur-of-the-moment thing.

She’d probably blame hormones.

“Are you sure?” Killian asked softly. He barked out a quick hey when someone bumped against them, pulling Emma against his chest and she rolled her eyes at the movement. If they managed to do this without the entire city figuring it out, it would be a goddamn miracle.

“I mean,” she started, leaning back to meet his cautious gaze. “It did sound pretty good when the guy said it.”

She appreciated the slightly stunned look on his face, the way he nearly tripped over his own feet when he backed away from her, dropping her hand so quickly she was half certain he’d been actually shocked by the meaning behind her words.

Emma Jones.

Didn’t sound horrible. She’d checked the box.

“Swan,” Killian said again and Emma got the distinct impression he couldn’t come up with another word. “Honestly? You’re sure?” “Well, I mean I checked the box already. So unless you want to go back in there and deal with Rangers superfan again, then I think you’re stuck with me. As it were.” “I’m not stuck with anything, love,” he argued, taking a step back into her space and he still couldn’t really look at her. “The other way around, if anything.” “That’s stupid.” “A rather pointed opinion.” “An honest one,” Emma said easily. “And, you know, I was thinking. It only makes sense really. If we’re going to do this and the lettuce is going to show up and it’d just be a lot of effort to explain to him why I have a different name than either of you and that’s kind of a conversation I don’t really want to have….” She was rambling, frozen solid on the sidewalk in the middle of downtown Manhattan with the sun beating down on her neck and, God, it was hot. They still had to buy rings. She had to find something she fit in to wear.

They were going to get married. Tomorrow.

They were going to spend a small fortune on cab rides downtown.

“Emma,” Killian interrupted and she widened her eyes, rolling her head onto her shoulder. “I know, I know, that’s cheating. Just...stop talking for two seconds.” She glared at him and she was absolutely sweating now, beads of moisture falling down the back of her neck and there was a pool of something decidedly disgusting settling on the small of her back.

“I mean, we can go back inside if you want. I just thought…” Killian groaned, throwing his head back and his feet were so close to hers that Emma was almost nervous he was going to step on her toes when he rocked towards her. She stopped worrying about her toes when he kissed her – everything neither one of them had been able to say poured into one movement and whatever noise they both kept making in the back of their throats.

“Someone’s going to see,” Emma mumbled, swaying slightly and Killian’s hand shifted from her back to her side, brushing his thumb across fabric.

“I almost don’t care.” “They’re going to be mad that we did this on our own.” “Who?” “Every single person we know.” “I absolutely don’t care about that.”

Emma pulled back slightly and, at some point, the feeling in her stomach was actually a feeling in her stomach that, more often than not, seemed to match up with particularly emotional moments. There was probably a reason for that. Maybe she’d look it up.

Killian probably knew.

He smiled at her, soft and supportive and she should probably time how often he kept his hand trained on her stomach. It was probably an absurd amount of time. “I just want something that’s ours? God, that shouldn’t be a question," Emma asked softly. "Just something that’s you and me and the lettuce. And family is so cliché and stupid and, you know..feel free to cut me off whenever.” “Why would I do that when I want the same exactly thing?” Killian asked, twisting his eyebrows and the lettuce flipped over.

“Yeah?” “Without a doubt, Swan. You, me and the lettuce. Although the website claims he’ll be an eggplant next week, so we better get this wrapped up before he evolves into a totally different vegetable.”

She needed to stop crying.

“I knew you were reading websites, you giant weirdo,” Emma mumbled and Killian hummed, kissing her cheek lightly and lacing his fingers through hers.

“C’mon love. None of this matters if we don’t get rings.”

They bought the rings at some hole-in-the-wall jeweler in the Bowery, silver bands that absolutely were not silver and would probably leave both their fingers with green ring around them the next day. It was perfect.

They didn’t tell anyone, so there was no way to give credence to pre-wedding superstitions and Emma fell asleep with her head on Killian’s shoulder and his voice in her ear and something that sounded a bit like Mr. and Mrs. Jones echoing in her memory.

She owned one white dress – and it didn’t fit.

“God damn,” Emma sighed, staring at the closet and rolling her head back and forth between her shoulders. Her neck hurt. Her back hurt. She wanted to wear the one white dress she owned to her wedding.

“Swan,” Killian called from the other side of the door, knocking lightly on the wood and they’d fallen asleep together the night before, but he’d been adamant about doing at least one thing according to tradition. “Are you alright, love?” “Perfect,” she bit out, scowling at the bitterness in her own voice. Killian didn’t say anything else, but she could hear him in the short hallway outside, the floor creaking slightly when he shifted his weight between his feet.

He probably looked good.

He probably looked great.

God, he was probably wearing a suit. In the middle of July. Because they were getting married.

And there it was – the one thought to help the frustration dissipate just a bit and maybe work out that one nerve in the corner of her back that felt like it was being held in a particularly aggressive vice.

They were going to get married.

Emma reached forward, grabbing the one dress she knew didn’t just fit, but still looked pretty fucking fantastic all things considered and maybe perfect wasn’t a total lie.

“I’m fine,” she said, answering a question Killian hadn’t actually asked. “Just, uh, give me two seconds.” The dress was blue.

She took a deep breath before she swung the door open, trying to keep the tears in her eyes and away from her makeup, but her heart felt like it was trying to work its way out of her chest and her knuckles were white around her ring by the time she stepped into the living room.

He was sitting on the couch again – feet swung up on the coffee table with a hand already running through his hair and that was good, maybe that meant they were on some kind of even emotional footing.

“Hey,” Emma muttered, trying to smile and not entirely certain it worked the way she wanted.

It did.

Killian’s head snapped up, hand falling back to his side with an audible thump and his shoulders sagged noticeably when he looked up at her. She was totally going to fuck up her make up, pulling her lip in between her teeth and she didn’t know what to do with her hands, twisting them in front of her and behind her and it felt like an eternity before he finally moved.

It felt like they were moving in slow motion, cautious steps towards each other and hands brushing on fabric with wide-eyed gazes and slightly open mouths and Emma wasn’t convinced either one of them was breathing.

Killian swallowed, exhaling loudly as a muscle in his jaw ticked. She’d been right – he looked good and great and several other adjectives Emma would have acknowledged if she was getting enough oxygen to her brain.

HIs tie was blue.

“Swan,” Killian mumbled, eyes tracing across her face like he was trying to take inventory of her, making sure she was there and she still hadn’t taken a deep breath.

“Ok?” “Perfect.” “You keep using that word.” “So do you.”

She was still biting her lip, sure she was close to actually biting it in half and, at some point, he’d grabbed both of her hands in his, pulling them up to his lips to kiss along the line of her knuckles. He lingered just under her ring, nipping slightly at the bend in her skin and if her heart wasn’t already trying to work its way out through her ribs, Emma would have been positive it had stopped completely.

“I love you,” Killian whispered. It was silent in the apartment – or as silent as it could ever be in Manhattan, a siren in the distance and a horn honking on the street outside and Emma could barely hear him when he spoke.

She didn’t answer at first, emotion taking up residence in the back of her throat as she tried to blink back tears and that didn’t really work either. “You want to go get married, then?” Emma asked, pulling her head up and he grinned when her eyes met his.

“More than anything.”

There was a line when they made their way back to the City Clerk’s office and the same guy was behind the closest desk when they walked in, nearly jumping off his stool when he spotted them. “Cap,” he shouted, grimacing when he realized what he’d done and half a dozen head spun in their direction.

“Perfect,” Killian muttered, pulling Emma closer to his side and she would have grumbled something about overprotective if she weren’t so goddamn charmed by it. He nodded in the direction of the clerk, smile not quite reaching his eyes and a camera shutter clicked loudly in the waiting room.

“As fantastic at under the radar as always,” Emma laughed. She laced her fingers with his, twisting her arm behind her when three people nearly knocked their chairs over in an attempt to let her and Killian sit down. “Jeez, I’m surprised they didn’t roll out some kind of red carpet.” “Blue, Swan. Obviously.” “I should have called my guy.” “Ah, next time.” “Were we going to do this more than once?” Killian shrugged. “Nah, just once is good.” “Deal.” He signed two autographs and posed for one picture before their number was called – swearing fans to secret for, at least, forty-eight hours and they’d all agreed enthusiastically shouting Let’s go Rangers before walking away.

And it was going as perfectly as planned, their hands still wrapped together when they walked to the far end of the lobby with matching smiles on their faces when it all, rather suddenly, seemed to crash down around them.

The marriage officiant – a short man with thin hair and wide eyes – glanced down towards Emma’s wrist, as soon as he realized who they were. “Do you two have a witness?”

“What?” Emma asked, eyes darting towards Killian and he shrugged in response. “Isn’t that you?” “I’m the officiant,” the man said. His name tag claimed he was Zach. Zach the marriage officiant, sent from some rule-abiding hell. “You need someone else to serve as a witness.” “But there's no one else here. We’re kind of doing this on our own.”

Zach held his hands up helplessly, throwing a cautious glance Killian’s way like he was nervous he was going to check him into a cubicle. “I’m sorry Mrs...uh, Emma. Ms. Swan? I just, well, those are the rules. Go Rangers, though!” “Go Rangers,” Emma repeated numbly, hand going limp in Killian’s grasp. She felt her shoulders droop, all the air rushing out of her lungs and she was so disappointed she was practically shaking with it.

“Yeah, no, we’re not doing that,” Killian said suddenly, the determination in his voice catching her off guard. “You want to get married, right, Swan?” She nodded quickly and she wasn’t sure how her mind caught up with his so quickly, but she could almost feel the idea click into place. “What’s his name?” she asked, nodding behind her and Killian made a noise in the back of his throat.

“I have no idea,” he admitted.

Emma glanced back at Zach – who still a little wary of Killian's expression – and did her best to smile encouragingly in his direction. “That guy, up front,” she started. “The clerk guy. Blonde hair, blue eyes, yelled Cap when we walked in?” Zach nodded. “What’s his name?” “Um, Evan,” Zach answered slowly, confusion settling into the space between his eyebrows. “I don’t know what his last name is.” “That doesn’t matter,” Emma promised, spinning on her heels and jogging towards the lobby. She ignored Killian’s quiet sigh when she moved.

Evan dropped another pen when she skidded to a stop in front of his desk, mouth falling open a questionable amount. “Uh, hey,” Emma said brightly. “You got, like, ten minutes?” “Ten minutes,” he repeated slowly, sounding like he was hearing the words for the first time.

Emma nodded. “Tops.” “Uh, yeah. I can do ten minutes.” Killian crossed his arms when Emma jogged back towards him, eyebrows pulled low in disapproval and she grinned in response. “This is Evan,” she introduced. “He loves the Rangers and, probably you, which is convenient since this is all about that and he’s got ten minutes to spare, so, you ready to go, Zach?” The two men gaped at both Emma and Killian – stunned just a bit by the distinct lack of romance in any of this and, well, that was exactly where they were wrong.

It was...unconventional, sure, but it was so them that Emma was sure when the lettuce became an eggplant and then, eventually, became an actual real, live, human baby, it would probably be the first story she told Matthew Jones.

Because it had always been this, as easy as skating, falling into a rhythm on the ice and scoring a hat trick in the gold medal game of the fucking Olympics and they might have been set up, but they’d found something in the set-up too – as simple as breathing and just as important.

They’d found home.

There wasn’t much creativity to the vows, Zach reading from a card gripped tightly in his hands and he didn’t lift his eyes up once. It didn’t matter. Emma didn’t look away from Killian once either, smile tugging on one side of his mouth and his hand back in hers, thumb rubbing circles on the side of her hand.

“Killian Jones,” Zach started and a chair scraped loudly when another person realized what was happening at the far end of the hall. Emma laughed when Killian rolled his eyes, squeezing his hand slightly and he pulled her fingers back up to his lips.

“False start,” Emma mumbled and he grinned against her hand.

“I’m not a centerman, Swan.” She made a face and Zach coughed uncomfortably, shifting on his feet and finally glancing up from his index card. “Sorry,” Emma sighed and she could feel Killian smirking at her. “That was totally his fault though.” Evan laughed next to them, not quite able to turn it into a convincing cough quickly enough, and Killian didn’t let go of Emma’s hand when Zach tried to restart their vows.

“Killian Jones,” he repeated. “Do you take Emma Swan to be your wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her, forsaking all other and holding only unto her?” Emma tried to will her hand to stop shaking, but it didn't and Killian didn’t blink when he looked at her, eyes blue and meaningful and staring straight at her with a sense of wonder that left her just a bit off balance.

And then he smiled.

And the world felt like it shifted just a little, rotating on its axis or something that astronomers would promise was scientifically impossible.

Emma was never entirely convinced.

“I do,” Killian promised, sliding a not-quite-silver ring onto her finger. He stared at it for half a moment before Zach coughed again and if there were comment cards, Emma was probably going to mention that.

“Emma Swan,” he said. “Do you take Killian Jones to be your husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him, forsaking all other and holding only unto him?”

She wasn’t sure how she got the words out, certain she’d lost the ability to speak as soon as the word husband echoed in her head, but Killian squeezed her hand, a quiet encouragement and promise and, suddenly, it was easy to promise indefinitely.

“I do,” Emma said and they’d have to get new rings eventually. Killian’s might have been tin.

Evan beamed at them and they’d drawn a small crowd at some point, a mix of tourists and soon-to-be married couples and even a few city workers on their break, or, maybe, not on their break. Emma barely noticed.

“Then,” Zach said pointedly. “By the power vested in me by the city of New York, I now pronounce you, officially, husband and wife. Cap, you may now kiss your bride.” Killian widened his eyes, a flash of something that was probably somewhere in the realm of euphoria in his gaze and Emma giggled before he pulled her against him, one hand in her hair and the other on her stomach and he kissed her like it was the start of everything.

There were cheers and camera clicks and someone had started a Let’s go Rangers cheer while a couple next to them actually started singing the goal song.

And it was so perfect Emma was slightly terrified she’d dreamt it, had come up with everything, the set-up and the engagements and the lettuce, and she’d wake up in an empty apartment in Los Angeles only to watch a Western Conference Finals loss and get fired.

“I love you, Swan,” Killian whispered against her lips and her eyes snapped open. This was real. This was her life.

“I love you too,” she echoed, resting her forehead against his as Evan signed off on the legality of all of it.

Emma Swan had just married Killian Jones.

And people were still cheering.

They posed for more pictures on the way out of the office – some on their own phones, but most of them were fans and city workers and Emma’s jaw was starting to cramp by the time they made it back outside.

“We’re going to be late,” she said as Killian hailed a cab, swinging open the back door for her with a smile on his face that practically announced how little he cared.

“We’ll come up with some excuse. There’s a lot of blocks between here and the restaurant.” “You want to spend all those blocks coming up with an excuse?” Emma asked, twisting her eyebrows and dragging her hand up the top of Killian’s thigh. His breath hitched in his throat. “Because that seems like a distinct waste of time.” “Why, Swan,” he said slowly, twisting slightly until dragged his mouth against the curve of her jaw. Emma sighed or maybe groaned and they’d have to give this cab driver an absolutely ridiculous tip to make up for this. “Are you propositioning me in the back seat of a cab?” “No,” Emma answered easily and there was something to be said for confidence when you knew what you wanted. “I am trying to make out with my husband in the back seat of a cab. There’s a definite difference.” Killian’s eyes widened, flickering from her face and her lips and down to the ring on her left hand and his answering smile was the only warning she got before he started kissing her – for the entire cab ride.

“Twenty minutes,” Ruby shouted as soon as they got out of the cab, waiting for them, apparently, on the front step of the restaurant with an almost visible air of frustration hanging over her. “You know how long I’ve been waiting for you guys? Twenty fucking minutes. Listening to appetizer options and baby options and have you picked a color for the nursery yet? Because El has a few options she’d like you to look at when you get here, Em.” Killian mumbled under his breath, something that sounded a bit like not now, Lucas, jeez, but it didn’t hold quite enough acid to sound particularly threatening and they were both still smiling too much.

Ruby narrowed her eyes, the mind three steps ahead already and Emma resisted the urge to roll her eyes or just push her way into the restaurant. She could already hear Anna shouting.

“What happened to your hair, Cap?” Ruby asked, crossing her arms over her chest and leveling Killian with a knowing gaze.

“Windy,” he said simply and Ruby’s face didn’t change.

“That so?” “Yup.” “Come up with a more convincing lie before you walk in there.” She was gone half a moment later, a flash of black hair and red highlights and Killian sighed loudly, kissing the top of Emma’s head like he was trying to remind himself she was still there.

“Ready to face the firing squad, wife?” he asked and Emma smacked against the front of his button up when he didn’t even bother to try and keep his voice down. They hadn’t changed. They were already twenty minutes late.

“Seems awfully possessive, don’t you think?” Emma countered.

Killian hummed in the back of his throat, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye and someone shouted for them from just inside the door. It was Anna. “Just a fact, Swan,” he said. “And blue. Or red. Or a mix of both.” “Wait, what?” “Matthew’s room. Red and blue. I mean just straight blue is almost too obvious, don’t you think?” Emma nodded, something fluttering in the very center of her and maybe eventually she’d collapse in some puddle of emotion, but at that point she couldn’t quite move past happy and Killian kept tracing his thumb underneath her ring.

“Obviously,” she said softly. “And you keep doing that.” “What?” “You keep calling me Swan. Still. I checked the box.” Killian turned on her, back to the restaurant doors and the demands of their immediate presence and Emma nearly backed up when she saw the weight of feeling in his eyes. “Ah, well, old habits and whatnot. And maybe I kind of like it. Still. Although I’m not entirely impartial to Mr. and Mrs. Jones.” She pressed up on her toes to kiss him, heels popping out of her flats and there wasn’t really that much space in between them, but his arms worked around her anyway, pulling her flush against his chest when he mumbled my wife against her lips.

“Guys, oh my God,” Ruby groaned, swinging around the doorway as her hair fanned over her face. Emma sprang back, trying to pull her hand away from Killian’s neck and it didn’t really matter – Ruby was far too focused on getting them inside to care about recently acquired jewelry.

It took ten minutes of hellos and have you picked a nursery color yet and you need a color for a nursery and Emma, what do you think about the All-Star break, there’s something romantic about winter, don’t you think and Killian groaned when they made it to the back corner of the restaurant, grabbing a stool and nodding towards Emma.

“Sit,” he said, shaking his head when Mary Margaret handed Emma a possible menu that she and Eric had come up with as soon as the playoffs were over.

“What do you think?” Mary Margaret asked, enthusiasm in her voice and Emma was actually surprised she hadn’t started jumping up and down at some point.

“Mary Margaret,” Killian warned, but she brushed him off quickly, excitement practically rolling off her in waves.

“We’ve got it, Killian. Now, Emma I know you didn’t want a dozen, but I was thinking maybe half and if we do the February thing like El was thinking, that might be better because it gives us a chance to do some more savory ideas and no one wants too much of that…”

It went on for an hour – and Emma tried to smile and nod and hide her left hand as much as humanly possible and she’d never wanted a drink more in her entire life.

She'd never wanted to scream we just got married, psych more in her entire life.

Neither one of those things were particularly responsible.

In the end, it didn't really matter. Anna figured it out. An hour into wholly unnecessary wedding plans and Emma’s vision was starting to go spotty when Anna let out a screech that wasn’t entirely human, hand flying to her mouth and finger pointing traitorously at Killian.

“Oh my God, KJ,” she yelled, leaping up and down and swatting at whoever was closest to her. It was Liam. He grabbed her around the middle without a word, holding her arms down with his and only barely keeping her shoes on the ground.

“Breathe, Anna, you’re scaring the kids,” he said.

“Aren’t you seeing this?” Anna snapped, ignoring Liam completely. “El? God, where’s El? El are you seeing this?” Elsa pushed through the crowd, Roland and Henry trailing behind her with Robin bringing up the rear and it felt like an avalanche of realization – everyone gasping and shouting and Mary Margaret might have actually cursed under her breath.

“Emma,” she said breathlessly, tugging her left hand away from her side and staring at the two rings on her finger. “Oh my God.” Emma shrugged slightly and Killian laughed, kissing the top of her head as she leaned back against his chest.

“When?” Anna yelled, voice going hoarse as Elsa tried to press a glass of water in her hands. “And, well, when?” “You mentioned that twice, Banana,” Killian pointed out. Anna glared at him, pulling his hand away from Emma’s side with a force that took them both by surprise. “Jeez, Banana, you’re going to pull my wrist out. Relax.” “You need better rings.” “Yeah, it was kind of a quick decision.” “How quick?” Elsa whispered and Emma tried to find a face that wasn’t staring at her with a mix of disappointment and awe. She found it half a dozen feet away – a smile on his face and pride practically radiating off him and David might have had tears in his eyes when she looked him. He nodded at her.

“There was a reason we were late,” Emma said and it sounded like the roof actually blew off the restaurant, more shouts and screams and Will yelled holy shit before Robin could punch the side of his arm.

Mary Margaret had started crying at some point, hands pressed flat against her cheeks like she was reenacting a particularly famous work of art and her head kept snapping between Emma and David.

“You’re going to get whiplash, Reese’s,” Emma warned, leaning forward to pull one hand away and Mary Margaret gaped at her hand, sniffling softly before nearly tugging her off the stool. Killian made a noise in the back of his throat, keeping his hand trained on Emma’s back and they were some weird, triangle hug that was more a tangle of limbs and a bump of lettuce, but Mary Margaret didn’t let go.

“I’m so happy for you,” she whispered in Emma’s ear, squeezing slightly and reaching around to grip Killian’s hand as well.

There were more hugs and demands for a detailed description of the afternoon and pictures and then more pictures and Emma felt like her head was on a swivel by the end of it all, passed around from Ranger to Ranger for the remainder of the night.

“We should toast don’t you think?” David yelled at some point, a half-full glass of something clutched in his hand.

Robin shouted here here and Will couldn’t quite sit straight on his stool, in the midst of a detailed discussion with Liam over bets and the college game while Belle kept her hand on his shoulder to steady hm.

Emma leaned against the edge of the bar, an arm working its way around her shoulders almost immediately and she felt herself practically melt against Killian’s side. “Go ahead, Dad,” she shouted and David smile could have powered the entire city for several weeks.

He made a face, but nodded towards Eric anyway, glasses passed around and Killian had hardly opened his mouth before Eric promised sparkling and handed Emma her own champagne flute.

“Deep breaths,” Emma muttered. He kissed her again.

“Once upon a time, Emma showed up at our loft with one suitcase and the promise that she absolutely did not need Mary Margaret to plan the Swan-Jones wedding,” David started and Emma squeezed her eyes shut tightly, that emotion that had been threatening to overwhelm her on the sidewalk rearing its head again.

“And Mary Margaret never really listened,” David continued, shooting a glance his wife’s way. She rolled her eyes. “But it didn’t really matter anyway. Because, as with most things Emma, she figured it out herself and she took control of this team and the city and the captain of the best team in the entire goddamn league.

So, we didn’t really have to do anything. Emma’s always been the most determined person I know and she might joke about being our kid, but she’s actually the glue that kept all of us together and her showing up in New York changed everything. So, uh,” he stuttered slightly, blinking quickly and Emma could feel the tears on her cheeks. “To Emma and Killian.” “To Emma and Killian,” the crowd echoed, clinking glasses and nodding in their direction and Emma downed her drink in two gulps.

“To us,” Killian whispered, brushing his lips just below her ear and Emma did her best to force the memory of it into every corner of her mind.

She was exhausted by the time they left the restaurant – several more toasts and photos and the crowd was almost entirely focused on nursery talk and Matthew Jones’ draft stock by the end of it all – and Emma nearly fell asleep against Killian’s shoulder in the back seat of the cab.

“We’re home, love,” Killian muttered when the car skidded to a stop in front of the building.

She wasn’t sure how they made it out of the car, let alone into the elevator and through their front door, Killian supporting her weight with every step, but his smile didn't falter once.

He pulled her back against him as soon as the door closed, tracing his thumb across her cheek and down her jaw and the slope of her neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake.

“We got married today,” he said softly, a sense of awe in his voice that left Emma breathless just a few feet inside their apartment.

“Good idea, huh?” Emma asked. She pressed her palms flat against his chest, tugging lightly on his tie and it all felt a bit familiar, if not entirely new, all at the same time.

“The best, Swan.” “Respectable parents for Matthew Jones. Just in under the buzzer.” “Ah, we would have gotten there eventually. I don’t think he would have minded.” “That confident, huh?” Killian smirked at her, hands still tracing over every inch of her and she couldn't quite believe she was still standing. She wasn’t as tired anymore. “Nah, hopeful. There’s a difference.”

“We’re home now,” Emma said and it didn’t really make sense, but she couldn't come up with anything else to say. She knew he understood as soon as the smirk turned into a smile and he kissed her, leaning back against the door to trace his lips against hers, a mess of tongue and teeth and they got married. “You know, for someone who was all intent on me sitting down all the time, you’re awfully cool with me standing up now,” Emma muttered.

Killian’s eyes flashed, hands inching dangerously low and tugging on fabric that made it incredibly difficult to stay upright. “You bring up a very good point, love,” he laughed. “I wouldn't want you to be over-exerting yourself.” She never got a response out, the slightly sarcastic retort getting caught on her tongue as soon as his lips landed just above her collarbone and it was some kind of miracle neither one of them tripped over the other when they moved down the hallway, leaving a trail of clothing in their wake. They fell asleep eventually – tangled up in sheets and limbs and promises of indefinite lingering in the air.

They got married.

#cs ff #captain swan #cs #captain swan ff #cs fic #blue line olympics #fun fact about me #we bought my husband's wedding ring for $12 off amazon #he refuses to take it off ever #so like love is real

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kyunsies · 3 years ago

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MADCH MADCH <3

hello fam - I've had a weird day, I'm super happy I can take the time out to reply to you. always thinking of you though, I hope you're always having a great day. today's been a bit of a non day - a family member has to deal with operations and that's on top of me too so i've just felt a bit winded in life?

YES to you finally conquering that damn cold! do you feel properly replenished now? omg i hate sore throats too - okay i hope this doesn't give you nightmares but when i was a kid i saw a documentary about this terrible disease that manifests at its worst a bit like alzhemiers but it can hit anyone of any age and for the majority of people who get it... one of the first symptoms is a sore throat and i have literally lived in terror of sore throats ever since. but luckily it's a very rare disease. so basically, yes, i understand you.

OMG you know when you're like eight and you don't want to sleep and you're like no i will adult and stay up and it will be glorious - i'm like, CHILD YOU FOOL you could have gone to sleep XD and ugh no responsibilities?! i remember working most of the time when i was a kid and i kind of wish i had wreaked havoc? what was your childhood like? did you get to do lots of fun stuff? i know my mum wishes she had been able to spend more time with me when i was a kid and i'd like to have a family and i'd love her to be able to relax and just spend time with her grandkids? OMG well when you come to europe let me know and then i can show you around and give you a hug in person!

so we're mainly cofe here though cahtolic culture is still big and honestly i'm with you. like religion can be a great influence on you if it's not used in nefarious ways and can help you learn so much - like even if there are things you don't end up agreeing with at least you learn about then so you can make a choice for yourself as opposed to not really knowing anything? agree - people that are really boastful totally put me off, i just can't deal with it at all. but you're right, like it makes us so so hard to forgive ourselves for anything right? like, even if we've done nothing wrong and we shouldn't have to punish ourselves? like i swear i'm apologising for everything haha XD once someone pushed me off the tube and i ended up apologising like ON REFLEX? hasjdkahds XD but i really hope you have people around you that keep bigging you up too! if not i will keep bigging you up :D :D so you know that you are worth it.

i'm sorry you're not looking forward to your final year of uni! think you're almost there though - like this is the final stretch and you'll have like conquered everest you know?! and even if your landing at the end of it isn't as perfect the fact you landed at all means so much and that means you can stand up again and keep going! day at a time and moment at a time you know? i kind of had this moment today (hence my wierd day) when i was worry about everything and i literally sat there like - have i made the right choice and done the right thing and surely i've made the wrong choices in my life and do i actually have any talent cause if not people would actually like my stuff and i had to just be like... a moment at a time sometimes you know? like, just bit by bit and don't sweat the stuff you don't have to? idk i find it hard to do but i hope that helps you - like you'll surmount every little thing bit by bit and before you know it you'll have made it! you were born ready you were <3 <3

TINY SQUAD IS GO! the pant dilemma is truly a massive issue, like IDK how to deal OMG OK SO LAMPSHADING is like when you do big baggy like tops and then like leggings or tights or something skinny on the bottom so... you look like a lampshade? like i guess it makes you look cute and then also it's such an easy way to dress without worrying if you look like a kid that's wearing your mum's clothes?? ahsdjakdhsa XD

AHHHH YES BASIL ME TOO!! what scent did you end up buying? i'm sure it was lush - are your parents near you or is it like a massive special occassion to get to see them? YES agree with your take on musk though! like it feels like idk, something a 50 year old with a cigar in a stuffy country club would wear? like, there's no energy to it but not in a chill mellow way either??! like even if i was going to a dinner thing I would still rather not wear something musky? like i'd still rather it be something a bit sweeter? also like some musk perfumes can be SO STRONG? like i'm like - my nose is choking on this perfume XD

YES BLUE MOON SQUAD AAAAA it is literally one of their finest ever, it's always stayed on my top faves list by them. like ugh yes to the lofi stuff sometimes i just wanna VIBE and be in my feels but not so much i'm too angsty but enough that I'm FEELING feels ya know? what did you think of kiss or death? it really wasn't that kind of vibe but yh i hope they do more lofi jazzy stuff - also cause like not a lot of korean groups play with that sound a lot?

hello mädch's mom as always! nerer apologise for being late, always just happy to hear from you and i hope you are super super well and looking after yourself first and foremost! more than anything <3 (also i take ages to reply too ya know and omg this is so so long ahsdjakhdaskjdh)

love you lots and lots and lots xxxxxxxxxxxx

ANGEL ANGEL !!!!!!!! <3 i know i'm really late to this LKDFJS i've had such a busy week getting some overtime in and then visiting my grandparents' house so i didn't really have a lot of energy to reply to all of this BUT IM HERE AND i can finally give u a good response <3

firstly is your family member okay??? i hope so ;____; how was the rest of your week, and how was your weekend angel? i hope u were able to enjoy your weekend and that everything is okay in the family <3

but YEAH my mom and i are over the stupid cold ;_____; i hate colds,,,, they last way too long lol like i say i know the flu is a little more serious than a cold but i would rather have it for a day or 2 than being stuck feeling lousy for a whole week :( ALSO SLDKFSJDFKLJ OH GOD SEE we are both hypochondriacs ( that's not the best trait to have as a nursing major lol ) but tbh i'm really curious about this rare disease ????? :o sounds really scary tho goodness gracious i wonder what it could be ;____;

also god i was always awful at staying up late as a kid LOL but i know what u mean !!!!!! honestly there was only one time i can recall i had a sleepover with my friend in like the 3rd grade and we tried pulling an all nighter so i think we made it to like 5am but i had to go to bed omg i felt like such garbage LKDSFJ </3 it's just funny bc like as u get older u realize that staying up late is really nothing special and if anything u feel like a train hit you the next morning and adults are so sleep deprived as it is we just *try* to prioritize sleep SLDKFJSDKLJF :') you worked a lot as a child bub?? what kind of things did you do? i didn't start working until i was 15 bc most places here don't allow u to work until this age (unless you're in a family business i guess lol) but all the jobs i had in high school i hated so much ;_____; but my childhood? i would say it was relatively normal LOL like we say all the time i've had a single mom so life was really stressful for her but i always felt loved <3 i always had my mom <3 and we took trips to the beach with my family every year, it was our little tradition !! i went to san diego to visit disney, you know little trips here and there !! and then when i got into my sport and i started getting older my mom and i spent a lot of time and money investing into my sport so most of my weekends consisted of a lot of tournaments and driving far away for me to compete :') i do remember when i was really young like in kindergarten my mom's work was really far away from my school and we had a recital ; i was the "host" where i would introduce all of the songs and stuff and my mom didn't get off of work until like 6 and by the time she made to my recital, it was over :( she told me she cried a lot that night :( i don't remember her doing this (i don't even remember the recital all that much lol) but now that i'm older and i understand more about adulting, i'm sure she was so devastated thinking about it now :( anyways about visiting europe LOL I WILL DEF GIVE U A CALL AND LET U KNOW SO U CAN SHOW ME ALL OF THE COOL PLACES <333333

and about the religion ....... yes ;____; i think it's a great thing if a family decide that they want to do this when they're families; i hope to continue to practice it (even tho we aren't regularly going to church at all hhhh gotta work on that) but there is something about catholic guilt specifically that just makes it soooo hard to like, be easy on yourself? but ,,,,,, i guess it keeps me grounded :( in a self depreciating way ??? LDSKFJ I KNOW U UNDERSTAND ... it's weird for me to put into words ;____; and YEAH :( i think i'm getting a little better at this but i used to apologize all the time for things i never needed to be sorry for hhhh (still do) :')

and yes babe honestly i'm really terrified to start uni :( i think i have this weird anxiety issue i've had it ever since last year but i don't know why i'm so scared and anxious about things that haven't even happened yet ;____; are u like this too? is it normal? i wish i knew :( i guess i won't really feel better until i have made it to graduation, but i just want to do well this year. whatever i do, whether it's exams, or clinical rotation or my preceptorship, i just want to do well ;____; i don't want to do poorly, i want to make my mom proud and i want to work at a place i'll be excited to work at, and most of all i just want everything to work out ,,,, i wish someone could just sit me down and say listen i know what you're going thru is hard but you CAN get thru this and EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS bc no one in my family is in the health sciences (besides my cousin who is studying to be a doctor but she doesn't give a shit about what i do lol) so ;_____; yeah ,,,,,,,,,,, lots of anxiety and apprehension of the unknown :(

LSDKFJSD FOKAY NOW I KNOW WHAT LAMPSHADING IS LMAOOOOOOOOOOO yes i wear those clothes on lazy days LOL the thing is i'm really picky about the length of my oversized crewneck sweaters hhhh the can't be too long bc if it goes below my butt i look like i'm wearing rags LOL so i have to be careful :') but most days i do like, reverse lamp shading lDLKFJSDLKFJ i like wearing flowy pants with a more tight top or like baggy jeans with a tighter shirt or a blouse i can tuck into my jeans LOL but omg its so funny i didn't know what that was :') thank u for the explanation my love <3

OKAY BUT HALF THE REASON I DIDN'T RESPOND IS THAT i was saving this weekend to go to the jo malone store in my mall and !!! I GOT A NEW SCENT AND I'M IN LOVE WITH IT SO MUCH BABE ;____; you have to go smell it if you go there soon and tell me what u think !!!!!! it's called wild bluebell (here is the scent description lol) but the guy behind the counter helping me was soooo amazing and helpful like they really do treat u the best at the store and AH i’m so happy with my purchase <3 my wallet isn’t so much LDSKFJ but nonetheless i know i’ll have it for a long time :)

KISS OR DEATH !!!!! i actually really enjoyed it lol i have seen some ppl not really like the rapping so much but i loved it ;____; i’m super biased obviously LOL but gosh i thought they were all great and minhyuk + hyungwon killed the song for me <333 wouldn’t expect anything less from our monstas !!!!! and my mom is sending her love lol i tell her the work u do and she’s always wondering how ur doing :(((( same for my moots she always asks me about 2 in particular LOL she’s always asking me <3 i love u so much bubbie !!!! iM SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE MY LOVE again i always just want to give u a quality response <3 i love u the absolute most and i hope u had a great weekend !!!!!!! this is my last week at work before i have a week long break before i head for uni so :’) can’t believe i’ve done all this LOL :’) i will be happy to hear from u whenever u come back hun !!!!! TAKE CARE LOVE U <3

#asks #💥 anon #WE ARE WRITING NOVELS HERE BABE LOL !!!!

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surayajasmine · 7 years ago

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15 Things To Live By When In High School

I decided to make this list of things that I should have done before, during my first year in high school and take it into account sincerely. Anyways, I think it’s important that I share it with everyone.

1: Forgiving is SO important. And, I don’t mean the meaningless, insincere type of forgiveness that you say to your friends, just because it makes them feel better about themselves. Sometimes, you need them to feel guilty about what they’ve done and learn to gain that trust to redeem from their mistakes. And, forgiving people makes you stronger, mentally, and it gives you a sense of maturity, instead of holding unnecessary grudges.

2. Happiness isn’t CONSTANT. What does that mean? Well, it means that being happy all the time, in front of your peers or crowd in school, is okay. But, if you’re feeling down, there’s no need to hide it, because we all have our bad days. Let it out if you’re feeling down. No shame in releasing some steam. Just make sure to get back on track ASAP.

3: To care OR not to care. Why would you want to spend your high school life, pretending to be the cool and snobby one, and pretending to not give a shit about others? At the same time, why would you even pay attention to those who talk bad about you? What I should have done in school is to actually care about those who matter to me, who are kind to me, who help me in any way. Those people are the ones worth caring about. It’s hard to ignore the buzz in the background about you, but, trust me, taking the high road makes you the better person, regardless of how much it stings. Eventually, what goes around, comes around. Karma will give them a taste of their own medicine.

4: Parents play a HUGE role in your life From what I’ve known, plenty of my schoolmates aren’t close to their parents, or maybe their parents disagree with them on something. Guys, believe me when I say this, your parents are almost always right. I used to think that was freaking ridiculous, until I considered the consequences of my actions from their point of view. Imagine this; Your child, only daughter, sneaking behind your back to spend the lunch money you gave her on shopping, and seeing boys behind your back. If we were the child, we’d think it’s nothing harmful, it’s just shopping and dating. But, from your parents’ eyes, you are spending their hard earned money on items that you don’t need, and you’re betraying their trust. To earn our parents trust, is to understand their situation, talk to them, be honest (seriously, guys, it’s so important), respect their choices, and think rationally and maturely. Someday, we’ll have kids of our own and what we do now, could potentially be a reflection of ourselves when we misbehaved during our teen years. Don’t push your parents away. And, do what you can to bond with them. Family is first.

5: CLEAN, clean, clean. Do whatever it takes to maintain a good appearance and surroundings. Deodorant, brushing teeth and face wash are a MUST. Firstly, why would you not wear deodorant to school, where you’ll be spending nearly 7-8 hours in such an environment. Your body odour is a big no-no. To not brush your teeth is very disgusting, cause your morning breath definitely doesn’t smell like Chanel perfume, so, never skip brushing teeth, even if you’re running late. A messy appearance isn’t the way to go. Try your best to have a good overall cleanliness. Shave, brush, shower, etc. After all, you’re a teen and you undergo some insane hormonal changes. Best to look good and feel good.

6: REST your mind and body. We’re growing teens, therefore, sleep is so important to us. Yes, I like sleep as much as the next person, but oversleeping isn’t good either. I know people who don’t get enough rest every night, so, when school starts the next day, the coffee fiesta has begun, and the dozing off students.

7. LEARN TO SAY NO. They force you to take some illegal shit and it’s against your values and morals. Say no. They want you to be their lap dog and cover their asses for them when they’re wrong. Say no. When someone pushes you around, and thinks they can get away. Hell nah. You own it darling and show em how it’s done.

8. COOKING is a lifesaver. Okay let’s be honest here, I’ve had my disasters in the kitchen too many times. Like I’ve accidentally burnt instant noodles in the microwave. (don’t ask me how. I was only 7 years old and hungry af). Cooking will go a long way. You will find yourself one day cooking for yourself in college, in the kitchenette. It’s best to learn how to cook at an early age, at least get some basics of some simple recipes to help you when you’re off to universities or whatever. Even when you move out into your own place, you have to make use of the kitchen, and not always buy food or order outside. You gotta spend wisely. Start cooking even in high school. You’ll learn and master it, trust me, you will need it.

9. Spend your CASH wisely. Just because you have pocket money, or your parents give you lunch money, or even your own earnings from a part time job, doesn’t mean you HAVE TO SPEND IT. You see that top that you really like? But costs an arm and leg? Don’t splurge on it! Save that dough up for some other good shit that you really need. Like money to get a place of your own someday. Or some cash to get you by when things are rough. Or even money to pay for your own college funds. Things are hella expensive these days, and we have to think of how to save it, so we can use it for the right times.

10. GET A PART TIME JOB. Yeah, I can’t seem to emphasise this enough, but, you guys are on the road to adulthood. And, to NOT have the experience of what a working environment is like… That’s criminal. It’s good to have some exposure to what the real world is, for instance, booking appointments for clients, doing some hard labour, etc. You have to start somewhere. Corporate world is all about hiring young adults with experience. But, if you don’t have the least idea of what a working world is, it can be difficult to find a job that is suitable for you.

. 11. Not everyone you are FRIENDS WITH WILL LAST FOREVER. As harsh as it may sound, it’s the truth. Just because you are friends with them now in high school, doesn’t mean it’ll work out when you guys graduate and ship off to other ends of the world to earn that degree. Nope. You will grow apart after sometime. You will notice the distance of the conversations you share. It’s normal and there’s nothing to be scared of. Some people just don’t vibe with you, or maybe you realise that you deserve better. It’s okay.

12. Enjoy high school while you can. I’m going to be a senior soon and, it made me realise how much I’m going to miss high school. Ya sure. It sucked so much for me at certain points because people can be a bunch of dicks. No surprise there. But, where else are you gonna get an experience of high school? I’m gonna miss the high school food the most, cause it rocks. I’ll miss the insane practices I had to go through every day after school. You wont get anything like this when you’re an adult. So, being in high school has its ups and downs. But above all, there is some fun in it. And, you may not notice it now, but when you approach your last days of high school, it’ll hit you.

13. BE KIND High school is not a Mean Girls movie where you can just put everything in a Burn Book. Yeah, okay, that person pissed you off, but to go out and have vengeance on that person and get yourself in trouble too? Nope. Don’t be that person. As hard as it may seem, you have to be kind to the people you don’t want to be with at all. Even if they’ve hurt your feelings. Or even threw you aside like you were nothing. It’s painful. But, it’ll give you the strength to pick yourself up and move on and grow into the gorgeous human being. Patience is key.

14. Go easy on the PARTIES. Everyone loves a good party. Including yours truly. But, you have to put some limits on how hard you party. Don’t overdo yourself and don’t do anything you are forced into. It’s a big no-no. There’s a thing called partying too hard, and it will take a toll on your mind and body. It’s terrible and I’ve witnessed someone going through a tough time the next day in school. It was horrible. Go for the parties that are worth going to. Like birthday parties. Christmas. New year’s. Just as long as you are aware of your surroundings, but still having the time of your life. Be a good but careful party animal.

15. A GOOD PLAYLIST CURES ALL. You sure as hell don’t wanna go through the bad days of high school with a terrible playlist. The wrong song can set your mood from 100-0 in no time flat. Listening to Coldplay has definitely helped me survive dark days of heartache and perked me up on a good day. Make playlists for different situations like studying, exercising, relaxing, etc. (However I do not recommend putting a sad playlist when you are in the middle of a breakup. That’s gonna make you feel worse.) But, do put songs that perk up your day. As well as songs to release your frustration. And don’t be afraid to dance or sing along to the songs. Why else would you make such an incredible playlist?

Those are pretty much my tips and advice on high school. And, it might not work for everyone else. But I hope it does. It did work out for me. I’ve been through some painful shit in high school, but thankfully I am doing well now. It’s not only to help you with high school, but it’ll shape your character into the better version of the person you are now. That’s all from me.

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floofsta-x · 8 years ago

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70q tag

I had a little bit of this done the other night but I inexplicably lost it? I thought I saved it to drafts but...I don’t know, maybe I closed the tab without realizing it?

Anyways, hi! I know I have a bunch of tags backed up that I need to do eventually but I thought I’d do a few of my most recent first because they’re hot off the press and a bit more fresh in my memory?

Thanks to @leeminpuppy for this tag! There’s a lot of questions here lmao! ily Joann ❤︎

I tag: @hyungwnie, @wonhosflower, @reila-ravkong, @prettyprettykino, @hongbombs, and @17kihyun !! I know this is a lot, you don’t have to do it if you simply don’t want to or have the time ! ❤︎

► 1. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Yes! My mom’s so sweet and kind, and my dad is the coolest person I know :) They’re totally the reason why I am who I am today.

► 2. Who did you last say “i love you” to?

Probably my mom, dad, or little sisters. I don’t have a boyfriend and I’m not close enough to anyone here at college to be able to say that ahah

► 3. Do you regret anything?

A ton of things, really, I mean I could write a mile-long list. Even the thought of the word ‘regret’ brings up a little bit of a sad funk. I try not to be too reflective, very often anyway.

► 4. Are you insecure?

Ohhhh yeah. I don’t know very many people who can say no to this question lmao

► 5. What’s your relationship status?

Single. I’ve been so for about three and a half years.

► 6. How do you want to die?

Of old age, naturally and peacefully and knowing I’ve lived a long life.

► 7. What did you last eat?

The last thing I had to eat was a wrap on a wheat tortilla with crispy (popcorn) chicken, provolone cheese, honey mustard, mayonnaise, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and black olives. I also had some cool ranch Doritos and Sierra Mist with it. (or whatever they call it now. lmao)

► 8. Played any sports?

In gym class, but I always kinda sucked at it...I’m not in good shape at all. In middle school I went to a meeting to go out for the track team but I chickened out in joining lmao.

► 9. Do you bite your nails?

No, but I do pick at them. When they get long enough I tend to tear the white crescent-moon growth off.

► 10. When was your last physical fight?

I don’t think I’ve ever been in a real fight tbh. I often have to forcibly restrain my little sister from tickling me though.

► 11. Do you like someone?

How could I not have such a huge crush on this floofy little 🍯🐝 ?? ❤︎

Haha, for real though I don’t anymore--the guy that I did like got a girlfriend. Which is perfectly ok with me, as long as he’s happy, I’m happy. I probably wouldn’t have dated him even if he was interested, though. We aren’t cut from the same cloth y’know?

► 12. Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Yes, and I’m never doing it again on purpose. I was dead by the time it was all over.

► 13. Do you hate anyone at the moment?

No, I’m not a very spiteful person. Except when it comes to myself. I hate myself sometimes.

► 14. Do you miss someone?

My family, first of all. I’m looking forward to moving home over the summer and seeing them. And then, there’s also my friends who have finished school and moved on with their lives. It always happens to me, I make friends with older students and then they graduate....

► 15. Have any pets?

No, I live in a dorm right now and we’re not allowed any. Also my parents have never been that big of a fan of animals. I grew up without pets. I want a cat or dog in the future though.

► 16. How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

A little bit stressed. I’m trying to think about a lot of things at once and I’m failing at it. Also tired, I had a gig (performance) last night and I used all my energy there.

I want to relax but I really can’t at the moment tbh.

► 17. Ever made out in the bathroom?

No ahah

► 18. Are you scared of spiders?

Nope! My bedroom at home is in the basement and has been for a good chunk of my life, so I’m used to seeing them hanging around.

► 19. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

Honestly, no. Though I have a ton of regrets, I think going back would put a bad taste in my mouth. I’d much rather look to the future.

► 20. Where was the last place you snogged someone?

(Snogged lmao) Are you ready? ...I think that the correct answer might be in my bedroom at home or the hallway leading to it, but the last clear memory I have of a tongue-in-mouth kiss is in the DVD aisle at Wal-Mart.

► 21. What are your plans for this weekend? 

I have class today, a paper to write, juries to practice for, and on top of that I have a concert with a community band. Tomorrow, in the evening, there’s a retirement party for a beloved professor that I’m planning on attending. Sunday is my day of rest, except for a rehearsal with a friend, thank goodness.

► 22. Do you want to have kids? how many?

Eventually, yes. Um I’d be fine with 2-5.

► 23. Do you have piercings? how many?

No I don’t, actually, I’ve always been a little afraid of pain, and also I think that if I did pierce my ears, it’d get gross pretty fast. :/

► 24. What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

Music, obviously, ahah. But in core academics, I’ve always really enjoyed and was good at Reading and Language Arts, and later English and Literature.

► 25. Do you miss anyone from your past?

As I mentioned before, older friends who have gone out into the world and moved away from me. Also, I have a few friends at home that I miss on occasion too.

► 26. What are you craving right now?

I really want a warm, snuggly body and the feeling of someone’s hand in my hair. Damn, I sound so sappy.

► 27. Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Yes, unfortunately. Um, we were seniors in high school and he told me he liked me, but I just couldn’t say the same about him. I went to prom with him and it was really...awkward.

I also cheated on my first boyfriend, so there’s that.

► 28. Have you ever been cheated on?

No, at least I don’t think so...

► 29. Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

Yes. I’m not particularly desperate to repeat that mistake.

► 30. What’s irritating you right now?

Nothing really. I guess, that I had to rewrite all the answers to these questions.

► 31. Does somebody love you?

I hope my family does! Also my close friends, I hope that their want to spend time with me is a sign of some sort of love. Other than that, though, I really don’t think so. I could be wrong however.

► 32. What is your favourite color?

Dark green, or dark blue-green.

► 33. Do you have trust issues?

No, actually I tend to be a little bit too trusting. My mom and I have often had conversations regarding being walked all over.

► 34. Who/what was your last dream about?

I think I had a small dream this morning about the test in Music Theory that I finished today. (It went better in the dream than in real life actually). So that would involve the professor.

► 35. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

I have this friend who I met through Wind Symphony that I occasionally hang out with, and she sat next to me at lunch a couple of days ago. I had been having a bad day, thinking about my grandma and uncle (two relatives that have died in the last year) and just in general feeling hopeless. She got me talking, I took a chance and was honest about my feelings. I don’t know how, we got into plans for the future, and worst-case scenario ya know. I was talking about mine, which is drop out of school, move back home, get a long-term, menial job, and find a husband and have a family. For some reason when I mentioned settling down, the floodgates just opened and I started bawling. I think it’s because that’s always been a deep desire of mine and it looks very hopeless to me right now. I’ve also always had this really intense craving for physical intimacy, perpetuated now even more by the fact that I’m away from home and I have no one to love.

She was very comforting, thank goodness.

► 36. Do you give out second chances too easily?

Maybe, but if I do I certainly don’t regret it.

► 37. Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Forgive. I have enough regrets in my life as it is lmao

► 38. Is this year the best year of your life?

No....it’s actually probably the worst

► 39. How old were you when you had your first kiss?

My first clear kiss memory was when I was sixteen. (Ugh, the guy was younger than me, I regret that so much.) But I might have had another before that...it wasn’t voluntary, I just remember I was like nine or ten and this kid who was like 15-16 pulled me into a dark room and we made out for a while. Yep it’s just as wrong as it sounds...it might have been a dream though.

► 40. Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

WHAT, NO, what kind of a question is this!? That’s just plain crazy

OK SERIOUSLY THOUGH WHAT ARE 41-50??????? I EVEN SEARCHED IT UP AND THEY’RE ALLLL MISSING 41-50 TT

► 51. Favourite food?

Ohhh good question! It has to either be lasagna or shrimp!

► 52. Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Yes. We might not see it at the time, but it’s all part of God’s plan.

► 53. What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Um well I was writing these questions, I put my computer away, set the alarm on my phone and took my glasses off.

► 54. Is cheating ever okay?

Please take it from me, it’s never something you want to put anyone else or yourself through! I’m not just talking about relationship cheating, but also like...cheating on a test, cheating in a game of cards, or something. It’s not very fun, anyway.

► 55. Are you mean?

I really hope not. I try not to be, anyway.

► 56. How many people have you fist fought?

Exactly 0.

► 57. Do you believe in true love?

Yes, but not like in fairytales. True love is built up over a period of many years and is undying and faithful. My parents are a true love story. :)

► 58. Favourite weather?

Warm and rainy. Or just like, right after the rain.

► 59. Do you like the snow?

It really depends. I like mountain snow. But not like, plains snow when there’s more than eight inches.

► 60. Do you wanna get married?

Yes, one day, I hope.

► 61. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

Considering that I’m not dating right now--no. Because that would be super awkward. But between a boyfriend and a girlfriend I think it’s adorable. My mom and dad call each other baby.

► 62. What makes you happy?

Being able to make music, writing, coding, hanging out and talking with friends, my bands and their music (Monsta X, VIXX, and Pentagon in particular), exploring new EDM releases

► 63. Would you change your name?

No, I love my name. Also I think it would be a tad disrespectful to my parents?

► 64. Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

Yes, I don’t love him like that anymore. I don’t even know where he is. Even though my last boyfriend was odd and like,,, voodoo child I wonder how he’s doing sometimes.

► 65. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

This depends on a lot of factors.

If: they’re just liking me from afar, and are too shy to admit it and show no outward sign, I’ll keep going with our friendship until either I like them back in the same way and am comfortable with saying so myself. Or, until they are comfortable enough to admit it to me.

If: they’re liking me from afar and are all giddy around me and obviously lovestruck, I’ll confront them about it of course and if this makes the truth come out, I’ll proceed as below.

If: they like me and tell me, I’ll evaluate my own feelings. If I don’t like them in the same way, I’ll tell them that I don’t, but tell them that I really want to keep going with our friendship and give my own feelings some time. If I do like them in the same way, of course I’ll tell them.

If: they like me and tell me and want to go on a date, it’s the same as above except no matter what I’ll go out on a date or two, and I’ll allow my feelings to develop then. They’re already my best friend, I definitely know and respect them, so of course I’ll give them a chance.

► 66. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

Yes, I have quite a few of these actually. I find it’s sometimes easier to talk to men than women. I can’t pin down an exact reason right now, but I have a sneaking suspicion that they’re just so much more straightforward.

► 67. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

Last night I saw a few of my friends who have been gone from school for a while, and one of them is this guitar player who I absolutely adore (as a friend of course). I was telling him and his girlfriend about how I’ve been feeling so antisocial this whole semester.

► 68. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

I just got back from an emergency counseling session (over something pessimistic I wrote on a desk the other day and forgot to erase oops), and I really love my counselor, she is just always willing to listen. Lately, I’ve become more open to being very deeply personal with her.

► 69. Do you believe in soulmates?

I’m not quite sure if I believe in the traditional concept of ‘soulmate’, but I do believe in ‘the right person at the right time’.

► 70. is there anyone you would die for?

Really, I’d be willing to die for anyone. I’m not scared of death; this is only a temporary existence anyway.

#tagged #leeminpuppy #<33 #-wipes sweat- this was a lot #wow

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