#(there's an initial choice before this which is why there's 2 variations for some of them it depends on flavor text)

[northern-passage]

Jorah's and Roderick's interactions with Hunter as they grew up have definitely left their mark.

With Jorah now a part of the story (BW Route) I'm hoping my Hunter will be able to be standoffish. A lot of resentment over the fact that Jorah should've trained them to handle things like what's happening in the Blackwater Route instead of filling their head with nonsense.

With Roderick hopefully showing up as well my Hunter's just going to hug him the moment they see him. Without him she would never found the courage to find themselves and eventually get top-surgery. He's essentially their dad, so there'd be a very open, emotional connection with him.

don't worry i got u

[horus-unofficial]

hello hello welcome welcome. welcome 2 the HORUS guide 4 HORUS tech aka horus-unofficial.tumblr3.un gives you extremely comprehensive and very useful insight into its "pattern groups" and "licenses". we are your host harold HORUS here today to talk to you about our beautiful darling cunt of a child, the LICH

nobody knows how the lich came 2 be. some buddies of ours say they invented it 9989 years from now which is weird bcos anyone normal would wait another decade before sending that shit back in time to hit that sweet 9999 and keep people guessing as to whether these files actually are from that far in the future, or if the lucky terminal receiving this code just stopped bothering to count the years after 15015u. either way, the lich is here now, and back then, and most certainly at some point in the future, and it kinda looks like we probably did invent it so that means we are in the clear to act like we're the ones who made it!

the lich sucks! its terrible! with glass bones and paper skin and a reactor that overheats at room temperature, a gust of wind could leave a dent in this PG's plating, which is made from samples of styrofoam and bubble wrap warped straight from the insides of pre-Fall packages labeled "FRAGILE, HANDLE WITH CARE" (a perfect bumper sticker for your lich, should you find yourself piloting one sometime within the next -50 to 250 years). you can tell no former members of harrison armory's R&D department were involved in the designing of the lich because the only thing those fuckers know how to do is create industrial microwaves, and the lich's reactor is the most slipshod, poorly-coded shit in the known universe. the only code regulating the lich's reactor is "reactor = cool" and not only are neither "reactor" nor "cool" defined anywhere in the system code, but HOR_OS doesn't even use = signs.

you may ask us, "if the lich is so shit, why do people pilot it?" and we are so glad you asked! generally speaking, answers to this question fall into one of two variations: - "it's a funny mech" - "why is everyone saying i pilot a lich??? i pilot a nelson!!! what do you mean that's my lich frame in the mech bay and i've had it for years, i literally don't have a single HORUS license, @horus-unofficial please advise"

the lich's victorian orphan-esque constitution aside, its biggest strength as a frame is likely its ability to send itself to the seaside for a much needed mental health break should it encounter the slightest hint of adversity on the battlefield. its no wonder the lich is so frail, the entirety of our nonexistent R&D budget went into making this thing the most annoying roleplayer on the playground. "you hit me with your sword? nuh-uh, i dodge. oh you run me through on your spear, killing me instantly? well it turns out that that body wasn't actually me, i've been dramatically looking down upon this duel from up there on those cliffs the whole time!" <- words most commonly spoken by future lich pilots at 11 years old

this allows it to be unexpectedly versatile in combat- with a refundable get out of jail free card and a maximum speed comparable to most of SSC's catalogue, it can weave through dangerous zones in combat with unexpected efficiency, allowing it to support allies from virtually any range, and instigate the occasional skirmish if its pilot is so inclined. we dont necessarily advise that you choose violence as a lich pilot, only that its a more viable choice of function than you might initially think

the lich plays with the timestream with the same enthusiasm as a preschooler in a sandbox, both in regards to itself and anything (un)fortunate enough to be within its sensor range. for every timeline where the lich is playing support for its allies and being so kind and niceys, there's another timeline where it gleefully tears into its adversaries until it overextends and dies respawns in another timeline, and it's through this universal law that an unusually principled lich pilot might find themselves taking a hit for its allies before immediately redeeming that get out of jail free card we mentioned earlier. of course, "principled HORUS pilot" is an oxymoron, so if your squad has a lich pilot what actually happens is more along the lines of being teamed with the biggest fucking nuisance on your planet, who pretends to toodle about the battlefield all combat because the truth is they've been stuck in a time loop for 7 years, and are well beyond the point of caring.

bottom line: if you encounter a lich in combat, dont even bother targeting it. it's unkillable except for when it isn't, and its banned from every omninet roleplay forum in the known universe for a reason

[fascinating-yarn]

So You Want To Know About Chess The Musical

So you want to know about Chess. The first piece of advice I have to give you is:

Step 0: Are you sure?

Because trust me, it's a whole lot weirder than you think, even if you know that the story is, in fact, only very little about chess (the board game). But if you are sure, because you have a friend who, like me, can't stop talking about it, then, you're ready to begin with step one.

Step 1: Listen to the concept album

Yes, there are plenty of recordings of the full show that are easily accessible on YouTube. Do not be fooled. With very minor exceptions, they will not elucidate anything at all. Trust me, even if your favorite actor is in one of them, start here. You will have time to get back to them later, trust me. It helps to read the synopsis of the album while listening; this has been kindly transcribed here by @alovebizarre.

Already hooked? Yeah, probably. Now you understand why all of us got stuck down here in our circle of complaining about this show. We, too, all thought it was going to be good based on the concept album.

Step 1.5: Watch the 1989 concert

This is mostly the songs of the concept album and retains the two male leads, but has Judy Kuhn playing Florence, the female lead. It's a strong concert and only cuts one song, and adds another ("Someone Else's Story", the show's only breakout hit not on the album). There is plot narration in Swedish, but one of the versions on YouTube has been subtitled in English

Step 2: Acquaint yourself with The Big Four

Now you know the music but the plot may still not be totally clear. The next step is to get to know the major variations. These are, generally:

The 1986 London version (and derivatives)

The 1988 Broadway version (and derivatives)

The 1990 Sydney version (there aren't really derivatives for this one but the material shows up Everywhere)

The 2002 Swedish version aka Chess på svenska (and derivatives)

Now, you can watch the original productions of all of these, but the issue is that the first two are both... not great. So here are some alternatives.

Step 2a: London Alternatives

The London version is mostly an expansion of the plot of the concept album, with changes - most of the structural changes were initiated by director Michael Bennett, who left the production before rehearsals due to his illness, while most of the more distinct changes of themes are from later director Trevor Nunn.

There are videos of the original production, but they're generally poorly filmed and suffer from major generation loss. There was no cast album, but the score has been recorded twice: in 2002 with the cast of a Danish touring production (released as "Chess: Complete Cast Album," but recalled soon after and not on streaming) and in 2008 at the Royal Albert Hall (this is on streaming as "Chess in Concert" - one of two albums of that name).

Any one will give you an idea of the script, but the original London production is generally the most musically cohesive. The Royal Albert Hall version has some minor script changes, most of which make no real difference, but makes some bizarre choices in terms of transition music and is generally a poorly produced album. The Danish album is likewise not very strong.

The Royal Albert Hall concert was professionally filmed but the audio is poorly mixed and the show's cast varies from a few great performances to some that are... not so much. It's also got a track record of making people either latch on immediately or be totally turned away from the show, so watch at your own risk. For a possibly better experience, watch the original London production.

Step 2b: Broadway Alternatives

The original Broadway production still has a bit of a bad reputation in the fandom, but people have generally warmed up to it. The new book, by American playwright Richard Nelson, is generally strong (if a bit overlong) until about halfway through Act Two --- at which point it suddenly isn't anymore. The original production itself doesn't help, and though there are some good moments, it was not very well directed and some of Nelson's best scenes suffer.

Firstly, you should listen to the Broadway cast album. The cast is the best part of the show and does some incredible things. The new music isn't quite as good as the original material, but is still strong and worth knowing.

In terms of the actual book, your best chance at a good experience experience is probably the 1990 Long Beach production directed by David H. Bell and starring Jodi Benson, which has a watchable video online. There are some script changes, which serve to adjust the script to be less cynical, more palatable, and better paced. After this, do go back and watch the original cast, as it generally has a stronger overall cast and some scenes are genuinely great with them.

Step 2c: Sydney and Svenska

The Sydney production closed early due to the economic recession in Australia, and the script has never been revived, but parts of it appear all over the place, especially in the London derivatives of the early 1990s. It takes bits of the plots of both London and Broadway, and becomes its own thing. It is worth knowing, and there is a mostly bearable bootleg on YouTube.

If Sydney is its own thing for being a combination of London and Broadway, Svenska is its own thing because it resembles neither. The plot is streamlined to the essentials and takes place over a much shorter period of time, plus it has two new songs. There is a proshot that has been uploaded to YouTube with subtitles, and a very good cast album. There have been some productions since based on the script, but the original is still going to be your best starting point.

Step 3: Into The Abyss

There are so many other productions and they're all a little different from each other. Most are based on London or Broadway, but some are an odd combination resulting from people who wanted to produce the London version in the US being forced to retrofit the Broadway version (unavailable for US licensing until 2008). A non-exhaustive list is:

1992 Off-Broadway: Preserved only in an incomplete, poor-quality audio bootleg, plus a slightly more complete script from a lost recording, this script is Tim Rice's first (but not last) attempt at making something definitive post-Broadway. It is one of the most bizarre scripts out there and should really be experienced late to be fully appreciated.

1990 US Tour: An early attempt to jump off the Broadway script into something new, this production stars 42.9% of the original Broadway cast of Falsettos and has some wild stuff. Don't watch till you know Broadway, since it has been known to sour people's opinions on the show.

2003 Actors' Fund Benefit Concert: This one-night only concert is preserved on a leaked (but poor quality) archival video and a higher quality rehearsal performance. The script is an attempted hybrid of the London and Broadway scripts, but leans mostly on the London script with a few Broadway changes that serve really only to stay within the legal requirements of production still in place at the time (and doubly important due to Nelson's personal support of the concert).

2018 Kennedy Center Concert Series/2022 Entertainment Workers' Fund Benefit Concert: This script was eyeing Broadway for about five years but is no longer in the works as the rights were pulled. With a new book by Danny Strong, based on the London plot but with the details changed significantly, this production takes a more overtly political spin on the show and grounds it in actual political events. Start with the 2018 version, as it's generally agreed to be better than the later concert version.

2018 London Revival: To call this production a revival is generous, being staged by the English National Opera for a limited run and generally not being considered very important. It became well known mostly for being associated with the Kennedy Center production and the general knowledge that Rice was looking to bring the show back to Broadway. Despite that, this script is entirely unrelated to the Kennedy Center version and is mostly an onstage expansion of the concept album with the show being influenced heavily by Benny and Bjorn.

With all of these I have but one piece of final advice and that is:

Step 4: Be wary of The Discourse

This is not meant to scare you away from the fandom at all. I promise we're all very friendly and most of the discussions are quite civil. But every fan has very strong opinions about this show. I have tried to present this post as neutrally as possible but my bias has absolutely creeped in and you've already been influenced by my opinions on it. Some productions (notably the Kennedy Center script) are very divisive and I encourage you to consume them yourself and forming your own opinions.

And that is how to get into Chess. If you want to. It may not be the wisest decision, but hey, we all made the same mistake.

[uroboros-if]

Chapter 1 Update is Here! ✦ DEMO

+10k words added to Chapter 1, bringing the total word count to 50k (with code)

More curt/unfriendly options towards mortals and other gods (Salvatore, parents, etc.)

More customization options, including new hair colors, eye colors, and distinctive features in Chapter 1

Multipronouns you can set in Chapter 1 (may change in future chapters)

Choice of clothes to wear to the Ceremony, which ROs may compliment if they like (3 out of 6 options for each of them!)

A new scene with your parents before the Ceremony where you can decide your relationship with them! (affects dialogue)

Option to storm off if you're mad at Ciocana, especially if you're touch-averse

Misc edits, bug fixes, and background performance improvements

This update is a massive improvement for new readers rather than warranting an entirely new playthrough. If you have any saves right before the Ceremony, you can find the most content there! However, the changes and additions are all over the demo.

... and Discord! ✦ Join here 🌿

My friend suggested I start one up! I hope to set up some events, share more sneak peeks, and connect with others more with this! 🫶💕 I also added some fun things like anonymous confessions and customizable color names, so please join! :)

(Very detailed changelog below if you're interested!)

Minor rewording for Karen encounter.

MC can now openly grimace when mortals call for MC's attention in Chapter 1. Previously, the only real negative reaction to them is turning away, which is open for any interpretation as to why MC does so.

When mortals ask for MC's help, MC can snap at them to speak quickly.

Most choices suggested you are friendly with Nero, so added a couple of options that are neutral towards him, leaning towards dismissive.

Rewrote a line that says you waved to Nero goodbye. It simply says that he departs.

Added an option to be frustrated with the conversation about mortals, when the only other non-positive options about mortals were about being completely disinterested.

Added an option where the MC says they can take care of themselves or they don't need other people worrying about them so much.

When choosing to be touch averse, selective, or not touch averse, you can now choose to be selective and not want to touch Rafaele, which initially was not an option.

If you are the Universal Eye, you tell Salvatore about the Universe being in pain and they dismiss it, you may be able to refuse conversation with them. They might keep talking to you, but you won't respond to them.

Can decide your relationship to your parents. Can also decide if you're open about your feelings towards them or not.

Variations in how your parents speak to you while preparing and during the Ceremony if they are aware of your bitterness towards them.

Can again openly express disdain for mortals or keep your feelings to yourself when answering Rafaele's question, when originally those options were absent

Can storm off from Ciocana if you do not express positive feelings about the dance, especially if you are touch-averse.

Added blue, pink, purple, and no hair options to Chapter 1, not available in the prologue.

Added red and gold eye colors to Chapter 1, not available in the prologue.

Added clothes option to Chapter 1 to wear to the Ceremony.

ROs will comment on your clothes if they particularly like it during the Ceremony (each have 3 out of 6 clothes they like.)

Added pronouns before the Ceremony. You can have multiple pronouns, remove them, and add multiple of the same kind to increase its chances of frequency.

Minor edits and bug fixes.

See you guys soon for the Chapter 2 update :)

[cobaltscribe]

Shadow of the Erdtree final boss spoilers below:

Deciding to put my thoughts in one semi-coherent post on my own blog.

Like pretty much everyone else has said, Promised Consort Radahn is not what I expected to be the final boss going into the DLC. By the time I got to the Shadow Keep and progressed Ansbach and Freyja’s quest lines, I realized that was the direction it was heading.

Full stop, I don’t care for Radahn’s involvement in the plot of the DLC. The fight itself was actually very fun! Probably harder than Malenia on the whole, albeit without a sole waterfowl-esque move that defined the entire fight. Phase 2 and it’s lasers add far too much visual clutter and extra hits to an otherwise good moveset, and some of his attacks I simply couldn’t figure out how to consistently dodge (specifically the gravity shockwaves he follows up a successful pull in with, and especially the phase 2 variation).

I did use the Sekiro parry cracked tear, so I’ll be interested to see how my impressions end up when I fight it further and attempt to purely dodge.

Back to the story and lore relevance, however, it just feels like an odd and unsatisfying choice. Radahn was a figure never very closely associated with Miquella, and was honestly not much of a compelling character in his own right. He serves his purpose in the base game as this force of a man who, even as a shell of his former self, was once the strongest demigod, but I don’t think there was enough there to warrant final-boss status alongside Miquella.

It makes pragmatic sense for him to be Miquella’s chosen lord, sure. He was frequently toted as the strongest of the demigods, he’s a warrior, and he’s loyal. Considering Miquella can compel affection, having their interests or goals align doesn’t really matter. But that doesn’t really change the fact that it felt odd. They didn’t feel like significant characters to each other before the DLC, and even within it, we barely get any history on their vow or relationship outside of simply knowing that Radahn promised(?) to be Miquella’s consort. It’s not a narrative choicenInhave seen anyone excited about outside of brief surprise that Radahn is back.

I initially thought about Godwyn being the obvious replacement, partially due to the fact I simply wanted to see more of the other main demigod not to be interacted with directly in the base game. While he does have a fairly complete story with Fia’s quest line leading to his eventual resurrection, if they were going to use an existing demigod, why not the one who we don’t already fight in game? His soul is dead, of course, which complicates his involvement by probably preventing his resurrection, so I understand not using him in the DLC, particularly in place of Radahn. But I still also don’t think Radahn is a particularly better choice, since he also had a very complete story!

Mostly, though, he already had a complete fight! The Radahn fight is generally seen as one of, if not the best fight in the game, and it’s personally in my top 5. The music, the arena, the spectacle, the moveset, the festival and summoning aspect: basically every part of the boss is nailed and top notch. Some of he best work Fromsoftware has ever done on a boss. Promised Consort Radahn, no matter how good it is in its own right, will simply pale in comparison since it’s treading old ground.

As far as Miquella goes, I rather liked how his story played out. I figured he would likely end up being someone we have to stop, rather than aid, and the confirmation of his ability to compel affection was so interesting! Especially the confirmation of Mohg’s bewitching by him, which so completely changes my perception of Mohg as a character and boss! I don’t think Miquella was character assassinated or ruined, and if anything I think he’s more interesting this was as opposed to actually being a clear, morally pure savior.

Still, I can’t say that the choice of involving Radahn in his story was to the benefit of either of their characters, and if anything is more of a distraction than anything. Instead of wondering about their connection as characters and why Miquella chose him as consort, I’m wondering why the writers/devs chose Radahn to be involved at all! It is, at least, a relatively small blemish on an otherwise great DLC, and one that I think largely surpasses the base game in quality.

[fandumb-whimsey]

So. My interest in crafting a variation of Scarecrow that leans into the "violent dancing" aspect aka turning him into more of a physical threat has also somehow spiraled into making him the leader of a fear cult. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So it all started with some dc wiki perusal and, at the mention of his violent dancing style, the page linked to the wiki entry for drunken boxing. I don't know why this is tbh, but the ideas started percolating. Now, I wouldn't apply any of the styles 1:1 to Jonathan because I don't think it'd be suitable; he wouldn't be like Jackie Chan in the Drunken Master, etc. The general conception, however, is very appealing:

It's unpredictable. Disorienting. Pretty ideal for someone who enjoys dishing out some delicious fear. But one of my fave parts:

I like the idea of him appearing unbalanced even when he's not actively engaged with an adversary. Because someone standing there looking like they could fall over is just a fun and potentially unsettling gimmick. Of course, this would also mean he has killer core strength. As much as I like ghoulishly thin Dr. Crane, this version would have muscle. He'd still be an ectomorph body type though so definitely more wiry and flexible.

Going from there, I started pondering on designs which would facilitate a more active fighter. My idea is very derivative of the Arkham Asylum version followed by TNBA Scarecrow and Arkham Knight designs for vibes. Looser/less clothing, more practical than spooky (unfortunately). My version of his mask is more horror movie to accommodate that. I asked myself what scares me and that's mortality and body horror, so some skull elements were definitely used. I'd love to go more into detail about it but it'd be better to have a doodle to go with my atomic level rambling on design choices. Initially, I veered more towards a medieval executioner feel, but it 1. was before I was like "okay but what if he had a cult" and 2. didn't mesh with the fighting thing. I guess. I kept it though since his look changes with a single article of clothing and it works with the whole life and death theme I have going. I call one look the Shepherd (has a hood, sickle with long handle as a "shepherd's crook" for weapon) and the other the Executioner (mask only, full on scythe mode). This would make more sense with drawings, though I'm not much of an artist. (Ｔ▽Ｔ) I'll still try though. Soon.

I don't know where the cult idea popped up from. Maybe it was the God of Fear comic storyline? Maybe it's all the shitty darksynth with ominous pipe organ and satanic chanting I listen to??? Anyway. The general idea is college professor Jonathan Crane would really like funding for experiments related to fear, but no one is interested. Somehow gets the idea to start some secret society (named something edgy and cool like Eye of the Crow Order) based on, you guessed it: fear! The concept would be making individuals stronger mentally by forcing them to confront their fears. And other philosophical bs. At least on the surface. Jonny boy really just wants willing participants in his experiments but shhhh they don't know that. Induction into the group would involve being injected with a weaker form of the fear toxin or something. With time, more people join in. People who want to get hit with the fear toxin again would prob get subjected to higher dosage or a more experimental variant.

The turning point is after he's fired for, you know, the whole shooting a gun in a classroom thing. He kidnaps those responsible and decides to make a spectacle of their murder during a meeting of the secret society. This causes massive division within the group and a double or nothing scenario; people who aren't cool with murder and craziness obviously bail out, but those completely devoted to the "doctrine" go all in. And so begins the era of Scarecrow and his fanatical cult following.

This version would have no need to hire thugs. He has his "flock" fully willing to carry out his vision. The most committed of them (his "Disciples" perhaps?) are probably those who volunteer for multiple occurrences of fear toxin experimentation (and live through it) which has left them a bit unhinged and probably very dangerous. These are the ones which would likely also get shipped to Arkham if caught. But yeah, the cult angle is great because it adds an element of intrigue (is this otherwise polite Gotham citizen part of his cult??) and it makes Scarecrow a bit more threatening not only to Batman and the Batfam, but to the other rogues. Can't imagine some of the latter would be very keen on dealing with zealous cult members if a team-up was orchestrated.

As for Jonathan, the whole thing starts as a front just to get bodies to experiment on but, after huffing enough toxin over the years, he starts fully believing he is the Master of Fear and deserves to be worshiped over it. ALSO. He has a nice, tidy murder of crows. He gets all of them to mimic the sound of creepy laughter and say "hroo hraa" :)

also also trying not to feel A Way at him calling his followers "lambs"

[semi-imaginary-place]

My initial impression of Maruki's persona Azathoth was that Azathoth did not suit Maruki, the persona was far too sinister for such a kind man even as misguided as he was. So I started thinking about it and the more I thought about it the more odd and out of place it seemed. As noted by others there are several peculiarities with Maruki’s persona: Unlike all other palace rulers, Maruki has a palace and a persona, “Not only can it use its powers from within the real world, it is extremely unstable when used to do so, as seen in its ability to cause memory loss and cognitive dissonance as drawbacks to its powers. It also displays an initiative and sentience somewhat separate from Maruki's” (the megaten wiki). That last part is of particular notability, that Azathoth seems to display a will independent of Maruki’s along with its appearance and Maruki’s strange awakening, makes me speculate that Azathoth‘s manifestation was the result of Nyarlathotep’s meddling.

Maruki’s persona awakening was also unusual in a number of ways. Leading up to his awakening Maruki started hearing Azathoth’s voice and had worsening headaches. For all the other P5 persona users they only heard their personas’ voices during the awakening, not before, implying something else was talking to Maruki or that Azathoth was forming abnormally, and separate from Maruki. For the other awakenings (with some variations) we see the awakening happens because the character resolves to do something, after great pain a mask manifests, the character’s eyes turn yellow, and when that mask is ripped off the persona and metaverse outfit manifest. None of this happens for Maruki, instead the sky turns red, the metaverse starts bleeding into reality because of the Demiurge, and Maruki just turns around and Azathoth is there. For Maruki's persona awakening there is no resolve, no yellow eyes (shadow self merging with the real person), and no mask at this point. Additionally this awakening is happening in reality instead of in the Metaverse (the closer to reality you get in the collective unconscious the harder it is to manifest a persona). Which all supports that it wasn’t Maruki that awakened Azathoth, but something else.

As noted by others many parts of Persona 5 seem reminiscent of or call back to Persona 2. In all 3 games rumors are a recurring motif that play a large part in the game, greatly affecting the main cast, and late in the games rumors/what people believe start replacing reality. Various similarities between the main cast include a party member with complicated feelings of admiration and abandonment by their father who has an older sibling working in the justice system, girls facing simultaneous social ostracization and fetishization for being mixed race, mysterious trickster Jokers, rival characters who are antagonists but also party members, lots of daddy issues.

Unlike most of the other personas in P5 Azathoth is particularly creepy looking containing none of the usually recognizable human features, and instead having a gold cross with human brain and spine entwined in tentacles. Now Futaba’s inhuman personas look like alien spaceships because she feels alienated and separate from other people, but why would good boy and very social Maruki’s persona look like... that? What Azathoth does look like is something wrong, something reminiscent of Nyarlathotep's appearances in the Persona 2 duology. Azathoth’s black tentacles with blue/green accents remind me of Nyarlathotep’s appearances in the Persona 2 games where they also were a mess of black tentacles with blue/green accents. Like Nyarlathotep, Azathoth is also deity out of H. P. Lovecraft‘s Cthulhu Mythos, but not only that, Azathoth is the progenitor of Nyarlathotep making a direct connection between them in the Persona universe.

Now it could be argued that Azathoth’s spoken lines are because of Maruki’s internal conflict but think about what Azathoth says, it is pushing Maruki to make choices that lead to a worse outcome and a distorted world. Along with how strange a persona Azathoth is and all the above connections to Persona 2 and Nyarlathotep, I find Azathoth to be very suspicious. And yet Maruki took Azathoth, merged him with the palace treasure, and in Morgana’s words “evolved” Azathoth into Adam Kadmon. In the transformation animation Azathoth’s tentacles form muscles and organs (mesoderm) around the gold central nervous system and then the whole thing is wrapped in a gold skin. Adam Kadmon follows the trend in ultimate personas where the initial one is a fictional character and the ultimate is an actual mythological figure. So Maruki (despite whatever Azathoth really was) managed to make his persona real when he combined it with his reason for doing everything (the treasure).

[shai-manahan]

Hi Shai! I've been meaning to ask, I know you've said before that there's a reason Alonzo can be set to nb and not Wesley, so I was wondering how you envision your gender selectable characters while you're writing.

My decisions involving those options mostly got to do something with what I want and can represent. I'm not sure if this is what I'll do with my future IFs, too, but for Hollowed Minds, gender plays a huge role for the characters. Not because they conform to gender stereotypes, but because it’s simply a concept that’s deeply connected to who they are as individuals.

I'll start with Alonzo. I've been quite open recently with sharing the fact that Alonzo has an indigenous heritage. Their mother belongs to the Abiyan Agta (residing within the boundaries of Camarines Norte in the Philippines), and the fact that I have a similar heritage with them has made me comfortable doing something I wouldn't apply so eagerly with the other ROs to this extent: making the enby option selectable while having each gender choice for them to cause variations with regards to their past. I will explain this further later.

I will admit that I’ve been viewing Alonzo as an enby myself, even before I added the option for it (which I initially hesitated on doing so because I wasn’t sure at the moment if I could give them a proper enby rep), but I have always been firm on the decision to make them gender-selectable because I want to give the Agta some visible representation that they rarely get. 

For some context, even amongst the Filipinos, Agtas have constantly received racist remarks for their skin and their way of living. It’s a group that always gets ridiculed – their lands have never been given the proper respect they deserve, and sadly, their culture is also considered to be an endangered one. Most of the Filipino media are whitewashed nowadays, too, and Alonzo’s character was the most wonderful opportunity I’ve ever had to do something different.

So here we are. While Alonzo has a set personality and appearance regardless of their gender, their love for their own mother has caused them to go through some internal struggles throughout their youth. The Agta as a group has its own societal framework involving the separate roles of men and women, so letting Alonzo be gender-selectable allows me to portray how it feels for a man, a woman, and especially an enby to love one’s own culture while struggling with the burdens it puts on the individual because of said connotations. (To be very clear, Alonzo’s mother was very supportive of them and helped them get through every single one of those; it will be further explored in Book 2). 

To make it short, each of the gender choices for Alonzo will present you different forms of struggles that someone who has such heritage may have faced in the past, and how the experience still affects them to this day.

My answer for Wesley is a shorter one, I suppose. Wesley’s personality and sense of fashion, like in Alonzo’s case, is very much the same regardless of their selected gender. However, the difference is that Wesley will deny showing that when in public and in front of people they wouldn’t want to get close to. It’s a mixture of their parents’ tough upbringing and Richard’s warning about the elite, but as of the events of Book 1, they want to be seen as someone who’s gender conforming and nothing else. Their clothing, the way they style their hair, the way they move. Their distant attitude makes it hard to talk about it with anyone else aside from the MC, so it’s a constant struggle they are facing.

This is something that will change as we get further into the series, and I’m sure you’ll get to observe that, too! Now, the thing with Wesley is that I never really viewed them in a specific way, gender wise, which is why I’ve also once thought about adding a non-binary option. Sadly, it just… can’t work out that way. 

Wesley’s parents may have somehow cared about them, but those two were not good people. It’s an understatement to say that an enby Wesley would have received the worst treatment from their own parents, and that isn’t something I’m willing to touch on right now. I’m someone who just recently identified as non-binary and will probably never come out irl so a trauma resulting from that as an idea doesn’t sit well with me as of the moment.

I think I’m fine with my decision of not making Wesley have a selectable enby option, as including it might just make the whole game a lot more uncomfortable with all the issues it will bring forth. Plus, aside from Alonzo, you’ll also get to meet more non-binary characters! I know it's not part of what you asked, but I gotta admit I'm excited about it.

As a parting take, I know that discussions on gender can always go wrong in so many ways, but IF is a very great medium to explore related nuances with care. There’s probably no foolproof way to ascertain that my views on this matter are even correct/acceptable, but these characters have always been dear to me, and while there’s nothing wrong about making gender-selectable ROs have the exact experiences no matter what their genders are, Hollowed Minds also tells a story about individuals traversing and struggling against the expectations that have been placed on them by the world they live in. Maybe the current demo does not show too much of that yet, but I hope that in time, it will.

I'm sorry this got too long, but in case y'all are curious about Owen and Jade, I can also talk about their experiences with gender and social conventions. I hope this response will be good enough to ease your concerns, though, if there are any. Thank you!

[pkg4mumtown]

Through Glass (Ch.4)

Chapter 4: Dreaming Wide Awake

Rating: M

Summary: How are you and Stephen getting along and what the hell is Strange up to?

A/N: Thanks again for all the great comments! I love each and everyone of them! This one is a long-ish one since each chapter is getting longer than the last! Also, I hope you all continue to enjoy since I’m getting increasingly nervous as this fic goes on.

Really quickly, I want to reiterate that the “reader” is gender neutral mainly for those of us (like me) who feel icky when referred to as she/her/female/etc because that’s very dominant in reader inserts. I just want to ask that we keep it neutral in the comments, too, for other readers who might feel this way.

Apologies ahead of time for any native Spanish speakers because in an effort to stay gender neutral, I’ve changed any words that end with the gendered “a/o” to ending with an ”e” .

Translations:

Amigo / Amigue - Friend / Friend (neutral)

Buenos días, qué tal?- Good Morning, how are you?

El otro mago - the other magician

Bien - Good

Tíe - neutral variation of Tía/Tío which is like aunt/uncle

Strange = Dr. Strange in reader’s universe

Stephen = Strange-Supreme

Warnings: Feelings of being watched, Multiversal Stalking, Possessive!Stephen, Eventual body horror, Gender Neutral Pronouns for Reader, No Y/N, First Person POV, What If AU where Reader dies instead of Christine, Strange-Supreme just needs a hug honestly, Stephen in Reader’s universe is a big dummy, Stephen is touch starved

Catch up with Chapter: 1 / 2 / 3

With me, disaster finds a playfield

Love seems to draw dark,

twisted pleasure tearing at me

’Cos I can’t let you go

Mercy, like water in a desert

Shine through my memory

like jewelry in the sun

Where are you now?

-Dreaming Wide Awake by Poets of the Fall

-

Wong burst into the room without warning, skipping the knock in favor of surprising Strange on a new development, “Strange! You’re awake, good! We have new inf—.”

Doctor Strange frantically closed the spell he did every morning, the gold, spinning reel minimizing into nothing before the shocked Sorcerer Supreme’s eyes.

“Jeez, give a guy some warning. What if I was entirely naked?” Strange chuckled and snapped his fingers so his tunics would materialize and cover his shirtless body.

“What was that, Strange?” Wong asked, foregoing what he initially came in the room for.

“Hmm?”

“What. Was. That? Because I know what it looks like and I need you to tell me it’s not,” Wong asked carefully, knowing exactly what kind of spell it was just by the look of it.

“Okay…it’s not, there,” Strange shrugged.

“Who was that?” Wong pushed. “Does it have anything to do with the questions you asked America and I about the multiverse?”

Strange ignored him and moved passed him in the doorway.

“Dammit, Strange, I’m not asking you as a friend, I’m asking you as your superior!” Wong shouted. “This is a breach of privacy!”

“What they don’t know won't hurt them! I am too dangerous to be in their dreams!” Strange retorted, spinning around to face Wong.

“Dreams? As in multiple? How long have you been doing this‽” Wong hissed. 

“Long enough. It’s safer for them if they don’t know about us,” he shot back.

“Strange, it’s unethical, this isn’t right! I let you break plenty of rules, but I cannot agree with this choice!”

“They’ll never find out…” 

“And if they do?”

-

“Why don’t I ever see you when I’m at work or just out?” I asked my empty bedroom.

“Because if you could see me, then everyone could. I’m not trying to incite panic in downtown,” Stephen drawled sarcastically from the mirror next to my bed. 

I had rearranged my bedroom somewhat to make it easier to talk to him without having to leave the comfort of my bed on lazy days. Now, instead of the mirror being across the room where I had initially been scared shitless by the eyes of Stephen’s creature form, it laid nestled between the wall and the other side of my bed. It allowed me to lay curled up in my bed to watch Stephen as he spoke.

“As if there isn’t panic incited every other day,” I scoffed.

“You know what I mean,” all of his eyes glared at me.

By now, about a month since Stephen wormed his way into my routine, I rarely ever jumped if one of Stephen’s creatures made an appearance or if Stephen just didn’t feel like containing his creature form. I knew the most common creatures by now and which ones made an appearance based on his emotion at the time. I believed him when he said he didn’t want to hurt me, though I had no way of proving it considering Stephen’s theory about Strange. 

“Why do you ask?” He hummed as he picked at a claw.

“Just curious. It just dawned on me is all. Like I knew something was there but I could never see you,” I sniffed, humming contently into my pillow.

Stephen quietly watched me, not that I was doing anything interesting. “You’re so beautiful,” I heard him quietly murmur.

“Shut up,” I groaned, feeling my face get hot and pulling my comforter up to cover it. 

“I’m a very hard man to quiet, darling.”

“Yes, I’m aware. Something tells me every version of you prefers the sound of his own voice than anything.”

“Not entirely true. I know a few things I’d prefer to hear,” Stephen smirked, grinning devilishly around his tusks.

“Ew,” I teased.

Stephen rolled his eyes at the childish tone.

“Do you get bored in there?” I wondered, watching him effectively twiddle his thumbs with his gaze occasionally drifting off to something out of sight.

“Sometimes, but it’s a reminder that this is a punishment for my actions,” he shrugged, his shoulders sagging more with grief.

“Would you…ever consider coming here?” I questioned, not really sure what answer I wanted to hear but curious all the same. He’d been nothing but kind to me this far and I wondered his intentions more than once. He seemed to have learned from his previous mistakes and just seemed…lonely. I suppose it would be interesting to have him here.

“I can’t,” he smiled sadly. “Not because I don’t want to but because I have a duty here still,” Stephen sighed, holding up a miniature version of the crystalline globe he was encased in. I could barely make out a couple figures inside but understood that it was important to him nonetheless. “If anything, I could only come for a little at a time.” Stephen pursed his lips, “Would you want me to visit?”

“Might be nice,” I murmured shyly. “Let you experience something else for a bit…”

Stephen perked up, his back straightening with a hopeful smile spreading over his face, only interrupted when my phone started buzzing with a video call from Oscar. I heard Stephen snarl softly through the mirror as he glanced at the screen.

“Stephen,” I chastised, “he’s a friend and married. I’m not interested, so stop being a jerk.” 

I answered the call, throwing a passing glance to see Stephen’s glowering features.

“Buenos días, que tal?” Oscar started, a little too cheery for my taste at the moment.

“Bien,” I yawned. “You’re loud,” I groaned into the back of my hand, hearing screaming children in the background.

“Are you still in bed‽” he shouted.

“Uh, yea, I have the day off!” I shouted back.

“Good, come have lunch with me and the kids. Liv is taking a spa day,” he grinned.

I grumbled and groaned into the phone, “You want me to get up?”

“Yes, lazy ass, come on! I’ll text you the address.”

I glanced at Stephen sulking in the mirror, having the most terrible idea, “Hey, you think I could bring my dog?”

“I think they have outdoor seating, sure…” he paused. “Uh, when did you get a dog?” He asked, surprised that I hadn’t mentioned it before.

“Like a week ago,” I replied, trying to sound casual about it. “Text me, I’ll see you there.”

I hung up and turned to the mirror, smiling at Stephen only to find his jaw clenched and a clearly unhappy expression on his creature form’s face. 

“Your dog, seriously?” He asked with a hint of offense definitely being taken.

“What, you thought you could go out looking like a literal famous superhero? No,” I sat up in bed. “What crawled up your ass?”

“Do you not trust me enough to be a human and speak in front of your friend?” He seethed, cracks forming on his face with bright green beneath, pulsating under his skin.

“It’s not Oscar I’m worried about, it’s Strange. A dog is a lot easier to lie about than a whole human if he were to drop in! There are far too many things that could go wrong with you being human, please.”

“Strange I can deal with. But, I’m not going to lunch with Oscar,” Stephen stood, hands primed and ready to close the gateway for the day.

“Why not‽” 

Stephen turned around with literal flames in his eyes—contrasting the green shining through the cracks, “Because I have seen one too many universes where you married him!”

“Ew! He’s like my brother!” I exclaimed, making Stephen scoff. “Also, who cares? So what in another universe I was attracted enough to him to marry him? You were probably dead anyway! I’m not attracted to him in this universe!”

Stephen ignored me, his clawed hands clenching in quite a fearsome manner, turning back around so his wings were facing me. I did my best to rationalize that he wasn’t in complete control of his emotions, I knew this much. But, was I so horrible for wanting to keep him as safe from Strange as I could?

“You know what? Fuck you,” I threw my covers off of me, short angry breaths leaving my nose. “Having me argue with a god damn mirror, un-fucking-believable.”

Stephen watched me over his shoulder, eyes widening when he saw tears pooling in my eyes. He quickly began realizing just how pissed I was. He murmured my name to get my attention but I wasn’t having it.

“No, no, no, you can fuck off with that, okay? I’m going to lunch with my best friend and god kids, something I wanted you to be a part of,” I snapped. I threw my hands up, “God forbid I do something thoughtful to spend time with you safely, without drawing attention to you.”

I stalked into the bathroom and slammed the door, hoping he would know better than to follow me right now. I stepped into the shower, letting out shaky, shuddering breaths while trying to calm down and letting my angry tears mix with the water. His creatures feeding off his emotions obviously didn’t help things, but I wouldn’t tolerate him hating Oscar and he had to learn that. The fact that there was a universe where I married Oscar made me shudder in distaste. I just didn’t see him like that.

The house was silent as I got dressed, not even caring if he was watching or not, though he swore he didn’t when I changed. I made sure I had my essentials before leaving my bedroom with a soft, “Bye, Stephen.” I wasn’t sure if I should have expected a response or not. Probably not.

As I walked down the hallway to my front door, I was bewildered to see a large brown lump. Slowing my steps as I didn’t know what to expect, I felt my breath catch in my throat as I saw a large brown Doberman with menacingly pointed ears laying in front of my door, head on its paws, with a rather excited nub of a tail.

“Stephen?” I asked, wanting to make sure before I fully approached.

“It’s me,” I heard Stephen’s voice echo in my head. “I’m sorry—again,” he sighed, looking away from me with his head still planted on his paws. His light brown patches above his eyes drawing together in disappointment at himself. 

“Thank you. Am I the only one who can hear you?” I asked, taking a seat on the floor in front of the large animal form.

“Yes,” he answered plainly, not moving an inch. 

“Come here,” I asked, waiting patiently with my hand out since I wasn’t sure how familiar he was in this form or how it affected his emotions.

Stephen slowly stood on all fours and stepped hesitantly over, keeping his head low and bumping it under my hand apologetically. I ran a hand over the top of his head and around to his jaw, watching his eyes flutter closed. 

“I’m not doing this to belittle you, Stephen. I want you to be able to go outside with me, but I’m scared of Strange finding out. It’s bad enough that he might have detected you coming through, but I’m taking a chance here,” I sighed, running my hand over his muzzle. 

“I understand, I do. I just—,” he stopped and sighed.

I waited for him to continue his thought.

“Seeing the person I love with someone else so many times and him being your best friend here?” Stephen paused, “It’s hard to separate one from the other.”

“I would say ‘I understand', but I’m not in your position; but you have to believe me when I say that in this universe, there is no chance,” I continued petting him softly. “I’m sorry for yelling at you, though. Oscar is still really important to me and considering I’ve only known you for a month…you won’t like my answer if I have to choose.”

“Apology accepted. I’m really trying, I’m sorry,” a sad whine emitted from his throat. 

I felt his soft nose press into my temple, gently sniffing and making laugh at how low-key he was trying to keep it. “Also, there will be kids, so be chill. No biting, no growling. You picked a big ass dog, and they might be scared of you.”

“Okay,” he murmured, keeping his position for a while. It wasn’t awkward as I sat in silence, one of his paws planted in between my crossed legs with the other on the outside; allowing him to be close without sitting on me. My hands ran up the soft fur on his neck, brushing his jaw before going back down to the edge of his collar.

I hooked my finger in the violet collar with gold accents around his neck, running over the material and retracting my hand quickly when I felt it shift on its own accord, “Is that the cape I’ve seen you wear?”

“Nifty, huh?” He replied with a hint of excitement in his voice, pulling his head and body away so I could see the colors better. I could hear the grin in his voice, only made funnier by the raise of the little patches of eyebrow on his fur and the slight baring of teeth that I assumed to be a “smile". 

“It’ll be even better if it can create a leash.”

“Oh, that’s something we never quite got around to,” Stephen murmured, his voice sly and despite the dog form he was in, I could tell by his squinting eyes that the context was not about the kind of leash I wanted.

“Nope, walking away,” I called out, getting up on my knees. I stepped one foot up, ready to stand, when I paused and rubbed the top of his muzzle again. I gripped it gently, pulling it to one side so I could place a kiss on his jowl. With him sufficiently stunned, I stood and pulled the front door open, “Come on, lets go!”

Stephen snapped out of his stupor and bounded out the door and down the stairs, immediately sticking his head in a bush and sniffing repeatedly and so loudly that I could hear it as I locked my door behind us. I laughed as I watch him pull his face out, being chased by a bee and snapping his teeth at it.

“Stop trying to eat the bees, come on,” I laughed, placing a hand on the outside of his head and pressing him into my leg so he would walk with me. I felt something worm into my hand as I let go of his head, seeing a violet leash with gold trim now in my hand.

I wasn’t surprised as we walked to the restaurant, that people made wide berths when they saw Stephen—even in these crowded sidewalks—because of the breed he chose. We walked for a while, nothing seeming off or out of place just yet, and I breathed a sigh of relief at the potential that Strange hadn’t detected Stephen at all. Stephen, though, had a nervous energy about him, continually looking around and smelling the air.

“What’s up?” I asked, knowing he could hear me with those ears.

“Someone’s watching us,” I heard in my head, clear as day. Stephen suddenly stopped, pulling me to the side to sniff something to seem like a relatively normal dog. I saw him look up at the buildings, his eyes changing shape and glowing briefly, only noticeable if you were looking. “It’s Strange,” he said, hearing a distinctly canine growl come from his actual chest. 

“Shit,” I cursed, trying not to look at where Stephen had.

“Wait—he…he’s gone?” Stephen looked again, only confirming what he was seeing. “He's gone. He portaled away…”

 “Come on, let's keep going. I don’t need him coming back to us still here,” I ordered, trying not to tug the leash like I would for a real dog. Luckily, we were almost at the restaurant by now.

Soon, we were striding up to the front of the building, spotting Oscar wrangling his kids from afar. I snorted as I watched him grab the youngest’s shoulders and yank her in before she could get trampled by foot traffic.

“Daddy! Daddy! Tíe is here!” The middle child, a boy, shouted over the crowd.  

“And they brought a puppy!” The youngest screeched.  

Oscar turned around to face us with a huge smile on his face, which dropped as he laid his eyes on Stephen, “That’s not a puppy, kiddo; that’s a full grown fuc—ahem—beast.”

“All dogs are puppies, Oscar, don’t insult my precious boy,” I glared, making the scruffy looking man roll his eyes.

“Your precious boy?” Stephen teased.

Oh, how I wished to flip the smug bastard off but muttered, “Shut up,” under my breath instead. Stephen simply chuckled in my head. Stephen sat as they came over for hugs, discreetly smelling the air around them. He looked up at me as Oscar hesitantly took a couple steps in his direction, to which I responded with raised eyebrows.

“Yea, yea...” he sighed.

As I was tackled by the kids, Oscar approached Stephen, “Hey there, buddy.” 

Oscar bent over and stuck the back of his hand out for Stephen to smell. Stephen played the part and as Oscar turned his palm up, Stephen raised a paw and placed it briefly in Oscar’s hand.

“Smart dog,” Oscar praised after dropping the paw and opening his arms to hug me. 

“Thanks, genius,” I heard Stephen comment sarcastically in my head. It took everything in my power to not laugh, especially knowing if Oscar could hear him, he’d be busting up, too.

“What’s the doggie’s name, Tíe?” 

I glanced at Stephen, trying not to think too hard about a name he should already have and trying not to connect it to the Doctor Strange here if I could avoid it. Thinking about our previous conversations, a devious smile spread across my lips as I remembered Stephen’s story of how he travelled back in time. With a knowing smirk flashed at Stephen, I turned back to the kids.

“Don’t you dare.”

“Armani,” I told them excitedly.

“I told you that in confidence, you little—“

“Just let him smell you and be gentle, okay. Don’t pull his ears,” I instructed, going to their level to show them that it was okay by gently running my hand over his head and down his neck.

“Hi, Uh-mani,” the youngest one giggled.  

All three kids stuck their hands out at the same time, letting Stephen smell them and experimentally lick them—because that’s what dogs did, he figured. He let them clumsily pat his head—refraining from cringing because it might not look too friendly on a dogs face—before we were being ushered to our outdoor table.

“Please don’t make me do that again. One of them tastes like their hand has been dipped in oatmeal all morning.”

I laughed under my breath and rubbed his jaw soothingly as we walked, “If you’re a good boy, I’ll give you a treat later.”

“Tease.”

“I really like Uh-mani, Tíe,” the youngest giggled as she skipped along next to Stephen, keeping a hand on his back.

“He’s really soft,” the middle boy muttered shyly.

“And really pretty,” the oldest girl proclaimed with a huge smile.

“He is, isn’t he?” I smiled down at him, wrinkling my nose when he licked my hand.

“Mmh, no, still don’t like it...eugh,” Stephen murmured in distaste, probably from the heightened senses. 

“Here’s your table, let me know if you need anything. Your dog can—,” she laid the menus out on the table.

Before the host could finish her sentence, Stephen jumped on to the chair next to me, sat, and stared at her. He made no moves to get off the chair and I made no moves to “correct” his behavior, simply smiling sheepishly at the host.

“Never mind...” she trailed off, a little stuck as if she couldn’t figure out if it was against the rules or not to have him there. She eventually gave up with herself and walked away.

Stephen gingerly lowered himself into a laying position and lowered his head to my leg. I ran my hand soothingly over the crest of his head, rubbing my fingers behind his ears, and down his neck. I smiled, hearing a needy whine coming from his throat as I slowed, but moved my hand to rest comfortably on the side of his cheek. I let my thumb caress the soft fur over the lax muscle there, absentmindedly. 

Oscar got the kids settled, finally sitting down with a groan. We immediately started chatting, but my hand never left Stephen’s face, so he knew I wasn’t ignoring him. I’m sure this picture made Stephen uneasy considering it would be the picture of a cute little family, but it wasn’t, and I hoped he would understand that. The waiters came and went, only interrupting our conversation to take orders and bring food to the table.

“So, what’s with the guard dog?” Oscar nodded his head to where Stephen rested, munching on his food in between.

“Considering, you know, I just wanted something to make me feel safe,” I lied, grabbing a fry off my plate and putting it in front of Stephen’s nose. He happily snatched it from my hand without nipping my finger, his moan of delight in my head distracting me from what Oscar was saying. I continued feeding him, only to selfishly hear that noise again. 

“Does it have magical, demon fighting powers or something?” Oscar cackled, “Because I’m not sure a dog is going to scare what I saw.”

I pursed my lips, not quite sure about how to answer that question. I wasn’t sure how Oscar would take it if I told him what was really going on. He’d probably think I was joking, but considering what he saw, I didn’t want him to go running off and telling Strange either.

“You should not be pausing that long for a stupid question like that,” Oscar chuckled nervously. “It’s not some mystical being el mago magicked up for you, is it?”

Maybe, it wouldn’t be that difficult?

“I hope you know what you’re doing...,” Stephen warned.

“Can—can I tell you something?” I asked him, biting my lip nervously.

“Please do, you’re scaring me, amigue.”

“You need to promise me you won't tell anyone, please,” I plead. “You’re the only person I can trust with this.”

My eyes flitted over to the kids eating but Oscar snapped my attention back to him, “They’re fine, they’ve got food and technology. If a tornado ripped through the street, they wouldn’t even notice.”

“Um, so...that mon—,” I paused, changing my wording because Stephen was quite literally next to me and not a monster or demon. “That being you saw? It’s el mago from a different universe,” I murmured, keeping our little Spanish code for Doctor Strange.

“Very funny, great acting,” Oscar rolled his eyes.

“I’m serious, Oscar,” I hissed, leaning forward and looking around to make sure no one was being nosey. 

Oscar was silent, furrowing his brows, and processing what I was telling him. It wasn’t too far of a stretch for him considering he saw Stephen’s creature form already and that was hard to explain on its own, “But, you said he put protection up in your house right? Does he know? Did he stop other him?”

“He’s—el otro mago— he’s not bad,” I stressed. “He did a bad thing for a good reason, but he’s paying for it now. He—he just wanted to see me.”

“See you? Why?” Oscar asked, confused.

“Um, ouch?” I joked, but Oscar’s deadpanned stare spoke volumes, “Because...because we were together in his universe and in a lot of universes,” I explained.

“I’m so very fucking confused,” he rubbed a hand over his face. “What does this have to do with the dog?”

“El otro mago,” I waved my hand at Stephen, still stroking his neck.

Oscar looked shell-shocked for a moment, sitting in disbelief before exploding quietly. “Why did you bring him here if he did some bad shit?” Oscar hissed out a whisper, clearly surprised.

“I would just like to interject and give a quick recap. You’re awful at explaining things, sweetheart. No offense,” Stephen interrupted, expanding his weird ability to speak in my head to Oscar.

“None taken,” I shrugged.

Oscar screamed and slapped his hand over his mouth, drawing some attention of surrounding tables and his kids for a second, “T—that was a—a really big—uhm bug, sorry.” He smiled awkwardly at the other tables who went back to eating and the kids who shrugged and went back to their phones.

“What the actual fuck?” Oscar scream whispered.

Stephen did his best to give a quick version of what he had told me, not entirely putting Oscar at ease considering the part where his universe died.

“Okay, amigue, but he destroyed his own universe and you come invite him into this one? You have to realize how bad of an idea that is!” Oscar exclaimed lowly.

“Look, he hung around me for a month with no bad intentions. He’s far stronger than the Strange here and had plenty of time to fuck shit up if he wanted to. But he didn’t.”

“That’s some great logic there,” Oscar rolled his eyes.

“I trust him, okay, and if you trust me...please. Please, just trust me,” I begged, making Oscar sigh and shake his head.

“Fine,” Oscar ran a hand from his curly, dark hair down to his brow, “but if shit goes sideways...”

“I know.”

“The things I do for you…” Oscar shook his head, giving me a small smile and patting my hand. “You’re lucky I love you.” Oscar eventually quieted down, scratching his head as he mulled over the new information. “Um, nice to meet you, I guess,” Oscar waved awkwardly to Stephen, who took a break from scarfing down my fries to look at Oscar. “Can I ask why you made me shit my pants that one time?”

“It’s uh—embarrassing…”

“All the more reason for you to spill, mago,” Oscar raised an eyebrow.

“’Stephen’ is fine, by the way. But—uh— in some universes I saw, you h—had married them if I died at some point,” Stephen answered a tad sheepishly.

“Um, ew?” Oscar scrunched his nose up, turning his attention to me for a second. “No offense.” He turned back to Stephen, “They’re like my sibling, dude.”

“Yes, yes, I get it, okay?” Stephen mentally rolled his eyes, sniffing out loudly and grumpily. He refused to look at me, thoroughly embarrassed, but I continued scratching his head.

“That’s the only reason? You were jealous?” Oscar laughed, coughing from the force of it. 

“Can I—,?” Stephen growled.

“No,” I chastised, holding his head firmly in place.

“Oh man,” Oscar finished laughing, wiping his eyes. “Man, that’s hilarious. Seriously, though, they need some dick in their life so...if you’ve got, like, human parts stashed away somewhere…” Oscar pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows suggestively at Stephen.

“Asshole,” I slapped his arm.

-

Stephen was ever vigilant on the walk back home but gave no indication that Strange had reappeared and watched us at the restaurant or was following us back home. We strolled leisurely, neither one of us wanting to end our outing so early. 

“Are you going to hang around for a little or...?” I questioned, trying not to make it too obvious that I wanted him to stay longer.

“I have to go back and check on the sphere, love,” Stephen hummed in disappointment. “I can come by tomorrow?” I saw Stephen glance up at me from where he was walking while plastered against my leg.

“Okay,” I nodded, equally as disappointed, but cognizant of his duties. 

All too soon, we approached my front door. I opened it, letting Stephen nudge his way through first and sniff around, likely smelling for Strange. 

“I think we’re go—,” Stephen stopped mid thought. “—Get behind me.”

Stephen barely had time to get his head in front of my leg just as golden sparks fell from in thin air, turning quickly into a complete circle. Before I could get a read on the other side, Strange rushed through, making a beeline for me and stopping himself with his hands bracing my shoulders.

“Are you okay‽” Strange asked with a panicked edge to his voice.

I gulped, stepping away from him far enough that his hands fell off my shoulders, “I have a—a front door, you know?”

His closeness made me uncomfortable now after hearing Stephen’s theory, a clear violation of my privacy within my own head no matter the reasoning. Strange tried to step forward again, only to be stopped by Stephen pushing himself further between us to create space and growling deep in his chest with bared teeth. As if only seeing the huge dog at that moment, Strange startled, snapping out of his tunnel vision. 

Taking a wary step back, thankfully smart enough to not try getting bitten, he continued, “Are you okay?” Strange pressed again, turning his attention back to me.

“Um, I—I'm fine,” I stuttered, letting my hand drop to the side of Stephen’s neck to keep him from doing anything rash.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m right here! I’m fine!” I bit back, not amused at having my home invaded so suddenly; there was too much of that going around already. “What do you want?” I asked impatiently.

There was a change in Strange’s eyes, his brows softening and his shoulders deflating a bit, “Well I—I sensed something weird earlier, and I thought it might be the mirrors being crossed, but I was otherwise unavailable and—I just wanted to make sure nothing bad happened.”

“Obviously, I’m fine. Nothing a phone call couldn’t have cleared up,” I answered sharply.

“Uh...did I—are we okay?” Strange questioned my sudden hostility with a tilt of his head.

“Dude, you just barged into my house out of nowhere. No warning. No knock,” I raised my voice. “I think I’m allowed to be mad at that.”

“And what happened to me saying I was going to fix your little issue here? Or did you forget about that part?” he sneered, attempting to demean my “problem”.

“My ‘little issue’ that you, yourself, have said is actually a big issue?” I retorted. “And in any case, you can still knock like a decent human being. What if I had someone here or I wasn’t decent?”

Strange laughed, “Who? Your friend? Because you definitely would want him to protect you over someone as powerful as me, right? Just like, somehow, a dog is going to solve your problem?”

“How the hell do you fit through portals with a head that big‽ Have you even found out anything new?” 

Strange was silent, clamping his mouth shut in frustration; giving me all the answers I needed.

“Didn’t think so. So, yea, my dog is doing a better job,” I answered smugly.

Strange’s jaw set, causing the muscles in his jaw to ripple in a way that would have been attractive if he wasn’t potentially fucking with my mind, “I’m glad you’re okay.” Strange suddenly turned on his heel and began to walk back toward the portal.

“If, you’re so concerned, maybe try and figure out why my sleep paralysis demon is eating my dreams, too,” I spat before I could stop myself.

“What are you talking about?” He paused, immediately tensing and eerily still at my mention of dreams; but not facing me to avoid any tells on his face. The only indication I had that he was listening to me was him barely looking at me over his shoulder. It only further confirmed Stephen’s theory and raised my suspicion. 

“I haven't been able to remember my dreams. For a while, actually,” I clarified.

“When did this start happening?”

“I only just realized recently,” I shrugged.

Seemingly relieved, Strange dropped his shoulders slightly and continued, “There’s plenty of scientific reasons for that.”

“Right, of course,” I nodded. “The best brain sorcerer there is,” I mocked.

Thoroughly done with the conversation, Strange stepped through the portal and closed it behind him. The house was silent again, no more growling or shouting echoing in my living room. Sighing at the silence, I barely registered Stephen’s absence in front of me until a voice made me jump.

“Did you just call me your sleep paralysis demon?” I heard Stephen ask, but it wasn’t as echoey as it had been all day. 

I turned, my jaw dropping as I saw Stephen, in all his human-formed glory, standing next to me. Instead of the tunics I usually saw him in, he stood there in ratty, dark jeans and an off-red t-shirt with, what I assumed to be his cloak, draped around his neck like a scarf. His features were still sharper and paler than the Strange that just left my house, with dark circles under his eyes making him look perpetually tired. 

“Hi,” I breathed, equally awe-struck at his handsome features as I was at how normal he was dressed.

“Hi,” Stephen smirked, still keeping his distance just in case.

Overcome with seeing him on this side of the glass, I couldn’t help but close the distance between us and draw him in for a tight hug. His form nearly collapsed against me as I pulled him in, but his own arms held me so tightly like I was going to disappear before him. Because I had, once upon a time. 

“You didn’t answer my question,” Stephen laughed into my neck, sniffling against the wet skin as tears involuntarily fell from his eyes.

Chapter 5

[northern-passage]

how would we feel about an update that doesn’t have all of the paths available immediately? as in you could see the choice but it wouldn’t be selectable and would be marked as a wip?

[harperhug]

In case the article gets paywalled:

What Good Is 'Raising Awareness?'

Just being educated about diseases isn't enough to make people healthier.

In 2010, a strange meme spread across Facebook. People’s feeds were suddenly filled with one-word statuses saying the name of a color, nothing more. And most of these posts were from women.

The women had received messages from their Facebook friends that were some variation on this, according to The Washington Post: "Some fun is going on ... just write the color of your bra in your status. Just the color, nothing else. It will be neat to see if this will spread the wings of breast cancer awareness. It will be fun to see how long it takes before people wonder why all the girls have a color in their status. Haha."

Oh, okay. It was for breast cancer awareness. Except, no, wait—how? The Susan G. Komen Foundation had nothing to do with it, though it did get them some Facebook fans, according to the Post story. It wasn’t clear at all who started it. There was no fundraising component to the campaign. And the posts weren’t informative at all. In fact, their whole point was to be mysterious. Maybe people asked their friends what they meant by just posting “beige” or “green lace” and then they had a meaningful conversation about breast-cancer screenings and risk factors, but I’d guess that happened rarely, if at all.

This incident is just one example of the nebulous phenomenon of “raising awareness” for diseases. Days, weeks, months are dedicated to the awareness of different health conditions, often without a clear definition of what “awareness” means, or what, exactly, is supposed to come of it.

Recommended Reading

According to a commentary published this month in the American Journal of Public Health, the United States has almost 200 official “health awareness days.” (The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services lists all national health observances on its website.) And that’s not counting all the unofficial ones, sponsored by organizations.

The paper was an attempt to begin to investigate whether awareness days actually improve people’s health. Jonathan Purtle, an assistant professor at Drexel University’s School of Public Health, teamed up with Leah Roman, a public-health consultant, to see whether awareness could even be quantified.

“We both kind of anecdotally observed that there seem to be more [awareness days] than ever,” Purtle says. “In public health, and in medicine, we’re putting more and more emphasis on evidence-based practices. Everything should be informed by science in some way. We asked ourselves, has anybody ever evaluated these things, do we know if they’re effective at all?”

The answer: Not many people have, and we really don’t.

Awareness days do seem to be on the rise, by at least a couple measures—the researchers found that more than 145 bills including the words “awareness day” have been introduced in U.S. Congress since 2005, a huge leap compared with previous years. Articles that reference "awareness day"  in the PubMed database have followed a similar, but less extreme, upward trajectory.

Trends in Attention to Awareness Days in U.S. Congress and Health Science Literature

But most of the articles Purtle and Roman found in their search (which was just preliminary, not a systematic metareview) were editorials or commentaries announcing or discussing awareness days. Only five studies empirically evaluated the effects of an awareness day, “but the designs weren’t that rigorous,” Purtle says. The best one, according to Purtle, found that on “No Smoking Day” in the U.K., five times more people called a quit smoking hotline than the daily average. “But that was about it,” Purtle says.

So evidence really is lacking on what good these awareness days do.

Liz Feld, president of the nonprofit advocacy organization Autism Speaks, says she has seen results from World Autism Awareness Day, which was April 2, and Autism Awareness Month, which goes on for all of April. The organization has raised more than $10 million so far in April, more than 50,000 people registered on Autism Speaks’ website, and more than 18,000 buildings around the world illuminated with blue lights on April 2 as part of the “Light it Up Blue” campaign. A spokesperson also told me that “Light it Up Blue” was a trending topic on Facebook and Twitter on April 2.

The money is something concrete that came out of the awareness month, but what about the rest?

“One-third of people who live with autism are nonverbal,” Feld says. “The power of a global blue-light movement is very strong. On that day, that is the collective voice of the autism community. That’s a show of power. The blue lights are really a voice.”

Here, "awareness" seems to mean sending a message, getting attention, and getting people to talk about the issue, at the very least on social media. During the week of the most recent World AIDS Day, December 1, 2014, AIDS.gov got the most engagement and new followers of the entire year, Miguel Gomez, the director of AIDS.gov, told me in an email. Perhaps not coincidentally, the organization’s HIV Testing and Care Service Locator got nearly triple its average traffic on December 1.

Social-media activism gets a lot of criticism, some of it deserved, some of it less so. (There's even a somewhat pejorative term for it: slacktivism.) On one hand, it’s an easy way to reach a lot of people, and it often amplifies the voices of the marginalized. On the other hand, changing your profile picture for an awareness day (something Autism Speaks asked people to do for Light It Up Blue) might just be the smallest possible unit of support for a cause. If not backed up by money or deed, it’s little more than lip service. But lip service is not nothing—if enough people do it, it could help shift cultural norms, as Melanie Tannenbaum wrote in Scientific American, about people supporting marriage equality by making equals signs their profile pictures.

“Based on everything that we know about our brains and their bafflingly strong desires to fit in with the crowd, the best way to convince people that they should care about an issue and get involved in its advocacy isn’t to tell people what they should do—it’s to tell them what other people actually do,” Tannenbaum writes. “And you know what will accomplish that? That’s right. Everyone on Facebook making their opinions on the issue immediately, graphically, demonstrably obvious.”

With a controversial issue like marriage equality, enough equals signs on Facebook pages could send the message that this is a common cause to support, and just maybe, gather more support, in a snowball-rolling-down-a-hill sort of way. The thing is, though, that with diseases, everybody’s pretty much already on the same side. There aren’t pro-cancer people who need convincing to come around.

“The question I would ask Autism Speaks or someone who's doing some sort of initiative like ‘Make your picture blue,’ is how they think that will trickle down into some sort of positive outcome for people with autism,” Purtle says.

So I asked.

“First of all, anyone who takes the time to change their picture, they feel invested, like they’re part of something,” Feld says. “That’s the culture we live in now. It’s a way for them to participate. It creates a sense of a community, it really goes back to that. People like to be part of something, look at the ALS ice-bucket challenge. They wanted to be part of something that was bigger than themselves. It’s free, it makes you happy, it makes you feel like you're doing something.”

But Feld recognizes that this isn’t enough.

“You’ve got to follow it up with something else,” she says. “What comes with raising awareness is a responsibility to do something about what you’re aware of. I always say to people, ‘April 2nd is great but what happens April 3rd?’”

When so much is vying for people’s attention, especially online, including the couple hundred other awareness days, even if you get people to listen, how do you get them to do more than just post a status?

There is a sociological theory called narcotizing dysfunction, which proposes that the more people learn about an issue from the media, the less likely they are to do something about it. Purtle and Roman posit that this might be an unintended effect of awareness days, that people might “conflate being knowledgeable about a health issue with taking action to address it.” It’s not enough to just say “this is a problem, and we need to do something about it.” There are a lot of problems in the world that need doing something about.

So in addition to awareness-raising, to try to get people to do something, Autism Speaks fundraises and asks people to sign petitions. “[When we try] to get corporate sponsors, I always tell people here, you can’t just go pitch this as a moral imperative,” Feld says. “There are a lot of moral imperatives. An effective awareness day has got to give people a window into what a real person who's living with autism is going through. My goal is for people to see the face of someone with autism on Autism Awareness Day, so that they carry that with them on April 3rd, April 4th, April 5th.”

Awareness days wouldn’t be so popular if there weren’t an appetite to address health problems. “People want to do something, which is good,” Purtle says. What he worries is that awareness campaigns’ focus on the individual—what you need to know, what you can do—could reinforce existing troublesome ideas about the origins of health, especially with conditions like obesity and heart disease, where lifestyle is a big risk factor.

A lot of people believe, he says, that “it’s really people’s choices that determine their health outcomes and if they’re unhealthy it's either: 1. They made bad choices, or 2. They’re just unlucky and have some genetic thing. These awareness [days] seem to be reinforcing that if you’re aware of the health issue, it’s a good step, and it might be even sufficient to address the health issue. That really flies in the face of the complexity of the various forces that influence a person’s health and a population’s health.”

Those forces include environmental, societal, and economic factors—things that can’t be fixed with knowledge alone. “I think if more people understood that, perhaps we’d see awareness days looking a little bit different,” Purtle says. A better awareness day, he thinks, would spread information about the prevalence of a condition and its risk factors, as well as policy changes that could lessen disparities or help people living with the condition.

“Neither Leah nor I think awareness days are necessarily a bad thing, nor is awareness a bad thing,” Purtle says. “Awareness can be a first step toward changing behavior, but in my opinion, more importantly it would be a first step to positively address the policies that impact a population's health.”

[teawithkpop]

[M] - PhysCom - Pt 4

pt 1 - pt 2 - pt 3 - bc 1 - pt 4 - pt 5 - pt 6

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader

Rating: Mature [18+]

Length: 8.5k words

Genre: PhysCom AU - smut with dashes of angst, and a shitload of romance and complicated feelings,, uhuhu (porn with plot??)

Warnings: swearing, ehhh lots of angst and fighting oh nooo, and mentions of sexual acts

the plot thickens and there’s no actual smut in this part i’m sorrryyyyyy but more smut is coming!! i pinky pwomise uwu

-------

"Morning, jagiya. Do you have a minute?"

You're practically vibrating with the effort of acting normal as you process Taehyung's question. What can you even say to that? Oh, sorry. Actually, can you guys come back later? I'm kind of in the middle of discovering a secret fucking society of PhysComs who are dating their clients, and I'm trying to see if there's a way I can get in on that sweet, sweet deal. Fuck no. That's not going to work. Anything other than agreeing will sound too suspicious, and you can’t let them know what you’ve discovered. At least, not yet.

"Of course." You paste on a smile as you reply, your mind still reeling as you pull the door open all the way. You’re still wearing only your robe, but it’s silly of you to shield your body when it’s theirs to ogle during work hours anyway.

“What can I do for you, masters?” You ask sweetly, slipping on your persona like a second skin to keep your thoughts safely hidden from view. Your clients should always be your first priority. Not rule breaking, and certainly not any unlikely fantasies of romance.

Something seems off about their body language. They look uncomfortable. You’re suddenly reminded of the weird tension in the air when you last saw them, and just how fragile your position is after everything that happened last night. You need to rid their minds of what they saw at dinner. They need to view you as their eager little toy again, not someone who broke or someone to be pitied.

You instantly thicken the illusion of obscenity, eager to convince them, and maybe yourself, that things are just the same as they’ve always been.

“So… what would you like from me? A blow job? Hand job?” You stretch your arm up and lean sensually against the door, your eyes half-lidded. “Do you both want to fuck my little holes and stretch me open?” You giggle cutely and start to untie the silky belt of your robe, forcing all thoughts of your ComGear out of your head so you can focus on your job, which is pleasuring your clients. 

Jimin steps forward before you can pull the robe open, and stops your hand. He carefully ties your garment back together, though he avoids your eyes, his expression grim. “No… actually, we want to talk with you.”

Damn. You thought for sure that little ploy would at least fluster them a little, and maybe get them in the mood for something, but they both remain strangely sober.

“It’s about last night,” Taehyung supplies quietly, looking down to the floor.

Well, shit. What is there to talk about? You used your safe word and ruined everyone’s fun. Are they holding it against you or something? That's not really fair when the two of them are partially to blame for distracting you by playing mind games and messing with each other. 

Then it dawns on you. Namjoon probably sent them up to apologize for their fighting. That must be why they’re acting so stiff. After all, he did say that the three of you should work things out together.

You feel a bit relieved and give them a fleeting smile of reassurance. “Masters, it’s okay. Let’s just move on from what happened last night, hm?” You want to take their hands, but you resist the urge. You really shouldn’t initiate contact unless it’s related to their pleasure. You settle for lacing your hands coyly behind your back, making your chest stand out rather provocatively. “I’ve forgotten all about it, really.”

They both still look dreadful. Worried. You finally notice that there's a hint of pity in their eyes and it makes your skin crawl with foreboding. You get the terrible sense that this is about something bigger than safe words, squabbles, and kisses.

“No, we all want to talk to you,” Taehyung explains with a slight clearing of his throat. “In the kitchen. Namjoon-hyung sent us to… come and get you.”

You can feel your heart start to race as your adrenaline spikes from a sudden shot of fear. What could they possibly want? What's changed between last night and today? Sure, logically, they could be calling a meeting for a variety of reasons, but only one scenario is circling through your mind, over and over… and it ends with you packing your bags.

“Do you want to, like... go now, or...?” Jimin mumbles, clearly uncomfortable about the situation.

You blink, feeling dizzy. Your playful aura has disintegrated in an instant and made way for something much more frigid and fearful. “Yeah… um, let me just get dressed first,” you murmur distractedly. “I’ll be down in a minute, masters.”

They nod and thankfully take the hint that you need a moment to collect yourself. The two of them head back downstairs and you shut the door behind them, your whole body numb. You hurry to your closet, trying to retain some semblance of routine despite the storm you feel approaching.

In the daily rotation of things, Friday - last night - was Seokjin’s day for him to do as he pleases with you, and that includes deciding what you wear. The apron you’d had on yesterday was one he had picked out for you beforehand. Your closet is sectioned off into clothes and costumes chosen by each boy for you to don beneath (or in some cases on top of) your utility belt on their chosen days. Some days they request a specific outfit, but most of the time it’s up to you to select from their options. Your favorite clothes to wear are probably either the oversized hoodies with cute panties and no bottoms that Jungkook chose for you, or the crop top and leggings variations that Hoseok loves to see you wear.

But Saturday is for Yoongi, and today’s outfits are what could be considered party clothes, full of strappy leather harnesses, deep jewel-toned mini dresses, and lots of high heels. Not exactly comfort clothing. You love it when they choose what you wear and dress you up like a little doll, it’s hot and everything, but sometimes you just want to wear sweatpants. Or a t-shirt and jeans.

Fuck. You grab a pair of black booty shorts and a busty sequined halter top, the closest thing to daywear out of Yoongi’s choices, and you also elect to go barefoot. If this meeting is as bad as you fear it’ll be, then you don’t know if you’ll be able to stand upright in six inch heels for very long. Sorry, Yoongi.

You blow a lock of hair out of your eyes after squeezing yourself into the tight attire. Credit to Min Yoongi where it’s due, the top does make your tits look amazing, but honestly that should be the least of your concerns right now. You almost laugh at such a trivial thought.

Once you reach your bed, you hastily grab your ComGear, hoping you have at least a few minutes to figure out something before you’re pulled away again. There’s a backlog of messages, but thankfully not too many, as you log back into the chat room.

[ PCsv02_svt ]: oh where did she go [ PCsv01_svt ]: probably got called away [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: probably havin.. sexy times B) [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: wink wink [ PCsv01_svt ]: … [ PCsv03_mtx ]: guys you shouldn’t encourage her about dating :/ [ PCsv03_mtx ]: bad things can happen too [ PCsv06_ast ]: yea sanha is always nice to me, but I know some clients can be... not so nice [ PCsv09_$px ]: yeah, thanks [ PCsv06_ast ]: oh... sorry :( [ PCsv02_svt ]: aww aashi didn’t mean it like that G [ PCsv02_svt ]: we’re all here for you, u know that right? [ PCsv09_$px ]: mm. thanks guys [ PCsv01_svt ]: speaking of which, how are things with you? [ PCsv09_$px ]: uh.. same as always. [ PCsv01_svt ]: has anything happened since last time? [ PCsv09_$px ]: no, but they’ve been out of the house a lot [ PCsv09_$px ]: they have a lot of schedules right now [ PCsv01_svt ]: I see… [ PCsv02_svt ]: oh she’s back!

You stare at the log in dismay. Well, crap. “Bad things” can happen...? What kind of bad things? Is dating clients a thing or not? You have too many questions and not enough answers, and you don’t have time to investigate any of it. The boys are waiting for you downstairs.

[ PCsv01_bts ]: so… my clients just called a meeting with me. I can’t really talk right now. [ PCsv01_svt ]: a meeting? [ PCsv02_svt ]: that’s okay hon! we’ll still be here when u get back ^^ [ PCsv01_bts ]: this is all…fuck sorry, it’s a lot to deal with right now

You rake a hand through your hair, your body and mind are just completely spent from everything that’s happened recently.

[ PCsv01_svt ]: it’s alright, we’re not going anywhere [ PCsv03_twc ]: take your time to understand everything ♡ [ PCsv03_twc ]: it took me a while haha [ PCsv06_ast ]: we’ve got your back! 150% hehe >u< [ PCsv02_svt ]: yeah! don’t sweat it hon~ be kind to yourself, especially when you need to figure things out ^^

All of their assurance pouring in nearly brings a smile to your face. You don’t know most of these people, and you can’t be sure that they aren’t all just really smart bots or spies sent by your network, but… they do seem like a supportive bunch.

[ PCsv01_bts ]: thanks [ PCsv01_bts ]: but what exactly did micha mean by “bad things can happen”? [ PCsv01_bts ]: is dating even safe? [ PCsv03_mtx ]: oh haha… [ PCsv04_blp ]: safe? Oh honey... [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: lolol [ PCsv03_mtx ]: well I just meant that some PhysComs have been… taken advantage of [ PCsv03_mtx ]: so you can’t just jump into it ^^; [ PCsv01_svt ]: i wouldn’t call anything in this line of work “safe” per se [ PCsv01_svt ]: it’s hard to advise anything when we don’t know what your clients are really like [ PCsv01_svt ]: but if you do manage to enter a relationship it can either make or break your employment [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: hell yeahhhhh B)) [ PCsv01_svt ]: for some people it’s a last ditch effort, offering intimacy to idols who are touch starved to begin with… oftentimes breaking those boundaries will changes the client’s perspective, and soon they see you as essential, regardless of any minor misconducts [ PCsv01_svt ]: while for others, the attachment forms naturally and appears to be a genuine connection, such as with sascha and joshua [ PCsv01_svt ]: but of course there’s no way to tell for sure if the client’s feelings are genuine or if they have ulterior motives, so it’s definitely a risk [ PCsv01_svt ]: if things were to turn sour in the relationship, it could lead to termination or worse… you know, hell hath no fury like a lover scorned and all that [ PCsv01_svt ]: people can be duplicitous [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: durr durrr antione smart smart [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: i’m taking notes on ur lecture sir uwu [ PCsv01_svt ]: blake [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: ^-^? [ PCsv01_svt ]: shut the hell your mouth [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: >:D

You sigh. Reading all these names and trying to keep everyone’s identities straight is making your head spin in your already addled state.

[ PCsv01_bts ]: is there a way to change the contact names in this chat? [ PCsv01_svt ]: nope [ PCsv02_svt ]: sorry boo, it’s for protection ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You groan in frustration. Nothing is making sense, you’ve found no answers, and you still aren’t sure you can even trust this chat room. On a whim, you tap on Sascha’s username, and a contact page pulls up for her within the chat app. It doesn’t give any information besides her username and a blank profile photo, but there is a call button.

Shit, what do you have to lose? If this is real and not some elaborate hoax, then Sascha should pick up… right? You could grill her, ask her questions only she would know to prove it’s really her.

A sudden buzz from your ComGear nearly scares you shitless, and you check to see that it’s just a message from Namjoon.

Sweetheart? Could you come down to the kitchen?

You take a deep breath to steel your nerves. Fuck. You can’t put this meeting off any longer. You slip your ComGear into your belt and head downstairs towards what you’re sure will be your inevitable doom.

-------

On your way down the long staircase, you take deep cleansing breaths to combat the growing knot in your stomach. You’re hoping half-heartedly, albeit rather foolishly, that maybe the boys just need your help with something harmless, like making breakfast. They do love your omelettes.

You slow down as you approach the kitchen door, and you can hear many muffled voices arguing on the other side. It sounds like they’re trying to stay quiet, but failing. You stop to listen, your curiosity getting the better of you.

“Just because you got to-” “-not fair-” “I don’t like this-” “-so why should she be punished for-” “I swear it wasn’t-”

Punished? You don’t like the sound of that at all, not one bit. Just as panic starts to swarm your mind, Namjoon’s voice rises above the clamor. You lean against the door to hear his calm cadence, much more gentle than the previous raucous of the others.

"Look! Guys, I know it'll be hard. Okay? I know we've all grown very attached to her, but I think... I think this will be for the best. For all of us."

Fuck his calm cadence.

They must be talking about you, they have to be. You’re the only “her” in this house. You feel like you’re drowning in regret and fear, spiraling as your worries returning tenfold, despite your best effort to keep them at bay.

You’re going to walk through that door and they’re going to fire you, you can feel it. Namjoon’s going to look you in the eyes, and where such tenderness had been last night, now there will only be a steely gaze. It’s just business. You slump against the polished wood and bite back a dry sob, burying your face in your hands. You don’t think you can do this.

“God, you make it sound like she’s dying.” There’s Yoongi’s voice, lilted and matter of fact. “She’s not going anywhere.”

You lift your head. Not going anywhere? As in, not being fired?

Oh, bless Min Yoongi and his slutty sequin tops. But then… if you’re not going anywhere, ergo not getting fired, then what the hell are they talking about?

“Yeah, but what if this thing doesn’t work? What if she doesn’t... want this from us?” Jungkook’s timid question draws silence from the room.

“Then things will go back to normal, right? We just… forget it ever happened.” Jin. He sounds bitter and forlorn, not at all like his usual self.

“How can things be normal after what happened last night?” Hoseok sounds even worse than Jin, his voice choked with emotion. “I don’t think I can even have her as a PhysCom anymore! Something has to change.”

This declaration is met with another bout of overlapping arguments, only to be silenced once again by Namjoon.

“No, Hobi-hyung is right.” Namjoon says, his voice decisive and final. “This is a fork in the road for all of us. At the end of the week, we’ll take another vote. If things don’t improve with her, then… we’ll do what has to be done. There are always other PhysComs who can fill the position.”

What... the fuck…?

Ice crawls up your back, as if someone just dumped you into a freezing pool of water. Numbness seeps through your limbs, into your heart.

Are you really that replaceable in their eyes?

You’ve invested all your time into building bonds with these boys specifically so this wouldn’t happen. How can they be so heartless? It hurts. There’s a wrenching pain in your chest at hearing them talk about you so… so pragmatically.

It hurts because it’s exactly the way that you would handle the situation. With pragmatism.

But you know what? Fuck this. Fuck them. They took a fucking vote on the fate of your livelihood? You owe them nothing.

You’re overwhelmed, and angry, and confused, and you just can’t take it anymore. You want this guessing game to end. If they’re going to fire you, or punish you, or whatever, then you should just go in there and get it over with already. It has to hurt less than hearing them talk about you so callously.

You wait for a break in the conversation, and then ease open the kitchen door, stepping inside and doing your best to keep your expression neutral.

“Oh, there she is! Just the woman we wanted to see.” Namjoon looks up at you with a practiced smile, even though he’d just been rubbing his forehead the way he does when he’s stressed.

“Not for long,” Yoongi mutters, clutching his coffee mug a little too tightly as he takes a sip.

Your gaze flickers to him as quiet, seething anger settles in the pit of your stomach, a burning ache that doesn’t go away. He has the balls to joke about this, when your career is on the line? You’d have thought Mr. Underground Rapper would understand how hard you’ve fought to get here. Does he really feel nothing, sipping his coffee while you face the guillotine?

Namjoon shoots Yoongi a weary look, then comes over to greet you. “Good morning, sweetheart. How are you feeling? Better?” He cups your cheek, his eyes full of gentle concern.

You nearly flinch away from his touch. How dare he act so kind to you when they were just conspiring about whether you’ll keep your job?

You take a step back, out of range to be touched by any of them.

“What’s going on?” You ask them firmly, deciding not to hide your misgivings. Their eyes all seem to wander elsewhere in the room, Jungkook is staring at the counter in front of him like it’s suddenly become very interesting. Taehyung is looking up at the ceiling as if counting the tiles. Seokjin’s gaze is trained straight ahead into nothing, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. Cowards, all of them.

Namjoon takes the initiative and clears his throat. It’s hard to take him seriously when he’s wearing Ryan the Bear pajamas, but you give him your rapt attention. “So, we’ve been discussing things, and after what happened last night… well, it really cemented this for us. It made the decision that much easier.”

Did it? Did it really make it easier for them to fire you after seeing you break down and cry from using your safe word? You half debate throwing a punch at that handsome jaw of his. Might as well go out swinging.

He seems uncomfortable from the severity of your glare. Good, let him be uncomfortable. God knows you’ve put yourself in some uncomfortable positions for them.

“You’ve worked very hard for us since you were hired, and since today marks your official six month anniversary, we think it’s only fitting to end these six months on a good note.”

Oh, how poetic. Come on, just get on with it. Flowery words, especially insincere ones, won’t help you find another job. They won’t help keep you off the street while you struggle to make a living for yourself.

You stare up at him determinedly, your lips pursed as you steel yourself for the blow. You will not cry.

“We want to extend your time off.”

Wait, what?

“Starting tomorrow. It would have been your second day off for this month, but we’d like to extend that to a week off instead.”

They’re not firing you? They’re… rewarding you with vacation time? Doesn’t make sense. Your mind is reeling, trying to figure out the catch.

“You can wear whatever you want, do whatever you’d like.” Namjoon rubs the back of his neck, seemingly thrown off by your wide eyed lack of response. “You’re not obligated to have sex with us…”

Oh. There it is. A sex ban.

Sure, they’ll give you a nice little vacation, free of worries and obligations. What, so they can all play with Secondaries, like Jin did?

Fuck, that’s what this is about, isn’t it? Jin probably told them how good it felt to fuck another cunt and now this is their way of telling you that they want to ‘see other people’, isn’t it?

This is worse than firing you outright. They’re killing you slowly, stabbing you in the gut to watch you bleed out, like a wounded animal in the desert.

Your vision is red, rage stemming from fear and insecurity building up inside of you faster than you can comprehend.

“So you’re suspending me?” Your voice is surprisingly calm, even to your own ears.

“I… I guess you could put it like that.” Namjoon says hesitantly.

“We just want to give you a break, jagiya,” Taehyung interjects, and he does look genuinely torn up about the change. But feelings are of no use, not now that things have come to this. The only protection you have left is your own pragmatism to rival theirs.

You cross your arms in front of your chest, feeling much too exposed in your skimpy outfit. Damn Min Yoongi and his slutty sequin tops. You level your gaze at each of them in turn. “Don’t I get a say in this? I’m an independent contractor.”

Namjoon seems befuddled by your scorching glare, but he nods after a moment, seeming to come to his senses. He’s the one person here that’s best equipped to acquiesce to your sudden formalities. “Yes, of course. Uh… do you want to step into my office? We can work something out. Draw up a formal agreement, if you’d like.”

You see a flash in your mind of the last time you were in Namjoon’s office, not even a week ago, where you had him bent over his desk, cumming all over your fingers and dripping onto the ornate carpet.

You shake your head. They don’t want you to play with them for a week? Fine. You won’t give Namjoon the satisfaction of a home court advantage. “I’ll call my handler. We can discuss this in the lounge in an hour.” You don’t have a lawyer, but Yeji is the next best thing.

Namjoon seems a little surprised at your sudden switch to a cold and business-like demeanor, but he nods in agreement.

“Wonderful,” you look between the other boys, though most of them avoid your gaze. “I hope you all enjoy your breakfast.” You can’t resist hissing the words, and you hasten out of the room before your stone cold facade can crack.

You close the door behind you and lean heavily against it, trying to find your balance again after being thrown so off-kilter. What the fuck just happened?

“Well… that could have gone better.” You hear Yoongi sigh, and the others all break out into loud bickering again from behind the door. Honestly, they’re like children sometimes.

You scoff miserably at their immaturity and inability to see how seriously they just toyed with your life, and you wipe your eyes before the tears can fall, hurrying back to your room.

-------

That could’ve fucking gone better indeed.

You press your face into your hands, trying to stifle the fury and despair bubbling up inside your chest, threatening to suffocate you. Your hard work and years of dedication, all of your training, everything you’ve worked towards, becoming valuable and necessary so you’d never be cast away again, it’s all for nothing. You’ve still ended up in this position.

What the hell are you supposed to do now? Wait around for a week as they slowly lose interest in you? The very thought is agonizing. It tugs at all your buried fears and insecurities, watching them as they each slowly forget about you. Watching yourself become useless.

No. Stop it, you don’t have time to feel sorry for yourself when there’s work to be done. Time is ticking.

When you get overwhelmed in life, you’re supposed to ask for help. But you have very limited choices for who you can ask. You’re isolated and subjective in this case, so what you need right now are some outside opinions. Objective viewpoints and thoughts about the situation that aren’t stuck in the mire of emotional complications, and tainted by your own hellish visions of the worst possible outcome.

Yeji, your handler, would be your first person to consult. She’s probably the most professional woman you know, after yourself, and most importantly, she always has a plan for any situation. You pull out your ComGear and see that it’s still on Sachsa’s mysterious contact page. She could be a second opinion. That is, if it’s really Sachsa and not some network spy.

You shake away the thought. One thing at a time.

You send a brief message to Yeji, letting her know to come and see you as soon as possible.  You tack on that it’s kind of an emergency, and could she pick up some ice cream for you on the way, double fudge ripple.

She replies that she’ll be over in fifteen minutes, which gives you just enough time to change clothes and rehearse how to explain what happened.

You shed Min Yoongi's sequined strip of fabric without an ounce of remorse and stare at your closet in dismay. None of their outfits are comfortable, let alone respectable for a meeting. Frankly, your pajamas would offer more coverage.

You feel close to tears at the simple matter of choosing an outfit. This is ridiculous.

No. They may have control over what you do, but you can still rebel, at least in this small aspect of your life. You grab one of Jungkook's hoodies and a pair of leggings from Hobi, combining the outfits into what could be considered loungewear.

Once changed, you feel a bit more like yourself, and wait anxiously for your handler to arrive.

-------

Choi Yeji is an intimidating woman. She possesses the subtlety and sting of a viper, and isn’t afraid to say what she means. She’s never shown you any great lengths of emotion, even under stressful circumstances. So it doesn’t surprise you to see her calm and collected as she walks into your room.

“What happened?” She asks while you shut the door behind her, and she sets down the shopping bag of ice cream.

Her composure helps ease your frazzled brain, and you quickly explain the events of the past twenty four hours. Well, the events she needs to know, anyway. You were stressed at dinner, used your safeword, and now they seemingly think you’re broken and need to rest, but you suspect it’s an excuse for them to distance themselves from you.

“You think you’ve fallen out of their favor?” Yeji inquires, resting the tip of her spoon in her mouth. She claims desserts are her only vice, and had joined you in the ice cream, but still kept a professional distance and had eaten hers seated on your desk chair while you remained flopped on your bed. “Why? They’ve never sent in a single complaint about your service.”

You sigh in frustration. You know, or you at least suspect, that it has something to do with the… feelings that have come to your attention recently.

But the thought of sharing your romantic dalliances with Yeji is just plain awkward. Your relationship with her has always been business focused, monitoring your diet and exercise, your needs and leisure requests. You've never called her over to talk about your love life, or anything too personal for that matter. It’s not really in her job description.

She’s your handler, not your therapist.

But you know that you can't get around telling her the reason why things have been so tense in the house, it's inevitably going to come up. If she's representing you and backing you up during this meeting with Namjoon, it's in your best interest for her to know all the facts.

That still doesn't make it any easier to talk about. “I... think I might know why.” You admit, laying on your back, covering your face with your arm as you prepare to talk about your affairs.

Yeji levels you with a knowing look. “Did the chat room help you figure it out?”

You sit bolt upright. How the hell did she find out? 

Your brain struggles to provide an explanation in a vain attempt to cover your tracks, but Yeji eases you down from your silent panic with a wave of her hand.

“It’s alright,” she chuckles, a kind smile gracing her lips. “I was the only person alerted that you’d disconnected from the network and linked to a new one. I know all about the hidden network."

"You do?" You manage to utter, too astounded to say much else.

"Of course." Yeji inclines her head. "I used to work closely with Madame Guillaume, you know."

The tension dissipates from your body to make room for the curiosity that now overwhelms you. Guillaume? That was her last name? You only ever knew her as Madame.

Yeji seems amused at your dumbfounded expression. "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me."

You don’t know what to say. Honestly at this point, so many shocking things have happened to you that a part of you isn’t even surprised anymore to hear that Yeji knows about the PhysCom dark web. Sure. Why not?

“So is it… real?” You ask, scooting closer towards the edge of the bed.

Yeji sets down her spoon along with the empty pint of ice cream. "Yes. It's most certainly real." She folds her hands in her lap, unaware of the chocolate that's gotten around her upper lip. "But that isn't to say it's not dangerous."

You can't help the snort of a laugh that comes out of you as she talks so seriously with chocolate on her face. She looks at you askance and you wordlessly hand a tissue to her, pointing at your own mouth. "You have something…"

She blinks rapidly. "Ah, apologies." She looks over to your vanity mirror and wipes off the smudges. There's a slight lilt to her voice when she speaks, a result of the fact that Yeji always uses English around you, despite Korean being her native tongue.

You’d mentioned once that it sometimes felt weird to see others’ lips move differently to what you were hearing them say, thanks to your auto-translation chip, and she’d apparently made a note of that. Yeji has used English with you ever since, despite your assurances. It amazes you that she always goes above and beyond to make sure you're comfortable, even when it comes to speaking

Your handler clears her throat to continue. "Anyway, as I was saying. The network does have security, but no measures are foolproof. Anything you send to them has a risk of being seen by other people."

You twist your lips to the side. “Like who?”

“Well, for one, their clients could easily catch a glimpse of the chat,” she notes. “Or the information could be leaked in a security breach. You know all the leading PhysCom networks have heard whispers about this dark web you’ve discovered, and many of them would be all too eager to dismantle it.”

You automatically shake your head. You don’t know why, but the idea of the people in that chat room getting discovered, or being punished for their little spark of camaraderie… it feels wrong. Totalitarian. “But they’re not harming anyone. It’s just a group chat.”

Yeji sighs. Her lips twitch as she considers her next words. “It may seem harmless, or indeed it may even be harmless,” she states calmly. “But the higher up that one is placed, the more scared one becomes of falling. People in the higher ranks of the industry may view the chat room as a threat. Like a… PhysCom mutiny.”

“What? But that’s ridiculous!” You huff out a laugh. “They can’t possibly think we could organize a union against them. We’re illegal workers. We have no rights in society, we can’t even physically see each other.”

Sure, the risk of rebellion would be understandable in companies that employ people in respectable positions. But sex workers? That’s like being worried that drug dealers will rebel against the crooked pharmacies that supply them.

PhysComs are nothing without networks to market them and provide for their basic needs. Your career is forever tied to your network, so each network only wants the best of the best. Your reputation reflects on them as a business. So, if you get fired by your clients… your network might let you go, too.

You sigh, trying to push away such troubling thoughts. “Besides, it’s not like the people in that chat room are the only people who can fill their positions.” Your face falls a little as you continue. “We’re replaceable.”

Yeji picks up on your change in tone. “You were telling me why you think things have changed?” She waits patiently for you to explain.

You hug your knees to your chest, your gaze falling to your comforter. “I think… some of my clients might have developed feelings for me.”

You wait in silence for a beat, not daring to look up.

“Is that all?” Yeji asks, as if you’d just informed her that the toilet paper had run out.

You scoff in bewilderment. “What do you mean ‘is that all’?” You demand, a little underwhelmed by her reaction. Does she just know everything?  “That’s a huge deal! Feelings are not a part of my job.”

Yeji tilts her head to the side, her eyes cast upward as though looking for the right words. “Perhaps. You might consider it an… occupational hazard,” she says with a kind look towards you. “You may not be selling your heart to those boys, but you are selling your body, which protects your heart fiercely. After enough time, letting them touch your body… it’s inevitable they might slip through and touch your heart.” She shrugs, taking a sip of the coffee to-go cup she always seems to have on hand.

You feel exasperated, like you’ve been building up all this hot air only to have it slowly leak out of your proverbial balloon. “You don’t have to get all… philosophical about it,” you grouse half-heartedly. Yeji merely chortles.

“The insecure always cast stones at those who speak the truth,” she hums into another sip of coffee, looking over the references she’d brought with her on her phone. “Now that I’m aware of this huge deal of yours, you may want to fill in any details you, ah… forgot to mention?” She gives you a look, and you groan inwardly.

But you comply, spilling all the information of your romantic dalliances since the moment Taehyung kissed you. Yeji doesn’t hold any judgement in her face, she merely nods, taking a few notes for herself, and asking an occasional clarifying question. You also feel compelled to add in what you overheard the boys talking about before you came into the kitchen.

“They said something about a vote… and that they would hold another one at the end of the week ‘if things don’t improve’ with me. Can you believe that?” You inhale, trying to quell the anger in you before it can bubble up again.

Yeji clicks her tongue, a cold clarity in her eyes as she adjusts her glasses. “So you believe Kim Namjoon is the instigator in all of this? He would try to dismiss you, even after you confided in him?”

“He’s their leader,” you say quietly, unable to conceal the hurt in your voice. “His loyalties are to them.”

Yeji doesn’t look at you with pity, but with sympathy. You’re grateful for the distinction. Pity makes you feel worthless, but sympathy makes you feel… heard. Understood. Not something you’re used to experiencing, but it’s still a nice feeling to have.

“Well,” Yeji checks her phone, standing up to leave. “It looks like we’re just about out of time. We’d best be getting downstairs.” 

You get up as well, tugging your clothes back into place. “So, you’ll help me change his mind?”

“I must remain impartial, in order to reach a satisfactory conclusion for both parties.” She gives you a look while organizing her papers and clipping them into her briefcase. “But I’ll do what I can to negotiate you out of this so-called vacation,” she says, her voice fueled with that same resolve that she’d shown you whenever she’d been fixated on getting you something that you requested.

“Yeji.” You hesitate, then walk over and take a hold of her arm. “Just please… don’t go easy on him.” You ask, giving her a meaningful look.

She pauses and looks at you for a moment, then finally lets out a sigh with a brief flutter of her eyes. Her job isn’t easy, but then again, neither is yours.

“Alright,” Her voice is reluctant, but resolute. She gives you a brief smile with a touch of fondness, and opens the door for you. “I’ll give him hell.”

-------

You wind and unwind the drawstring of your hoodie around your finger as Yeji organizes her paperwork. The tension in the air is palpable. Namjoon sits across from you both, now dressed for the day in business casual, a white t-shirt under a blazer and slacks. He must have an interview or a photoshoot today.

Your mind wanders briefly to what he usually does when he has a schedule, asks you for a quick blowjob before he leaves. You think of that warm smile he gives you after you swallow his cum, and the tenderness of his lips as he kisses your cheek before he heads out the door.

Lewd domesticity is how he phrased the kink during his interview.

“So, Mr. Kim Namjoon,” Yeji begins, snapping you out of your memories, her voice crisp in the otherwise silent room. She’s speaking in Korean again, to more clearly communicate with him. “You and my client are in a disagreement with regards to her services, is that correct?”

Namjoon frowns. “Not exactly. We just had a… simple misunderstanding this morning.”

Yeji gives him a thin smile. “Well, she called me here, which must mean that she feels the need for professional support concerning this issue,” she continues swiftly. “There are no laws governing Physical Companions, Mr. Kim, because they are not technically legal. A black market business. Therefore, I am the closest thing my client has to legal representation, and I wouldn’t call my lawyer about a ‘simple misunderstanding’, would you?”

Namjoon’s eyes flash with something almost like regret as he glances to you. His mouth opens and closes for a moment, then he briefly shakes his head, his gaze returning to Yeji. “No, I-I wouldn’t.”

“Right.” Yeji raps her collection of papers on the oak tabletop to align them, barely giving Namjoon a glance as she begins flicking through the stack. “Now, then. My client has told me that you wish to put her on suspension, is that correct?”

Namjoon winces. “I wouldn’t say that, uh, Ms. Choi,” he says, wringing his hands together. He looks nervous, his eyes flickering from you to Yeji, and back again. “Does our PhysCom need to be present for this meeting?” He asks her, flashing a smile that would be charming and amiable, if he didn’t look so tense.

Yeji meets his gaze unflinchingly. “Yes.”

“I… um, alright.” He purses his lips with a nod.

It’s weird. In all the time you’ve known him, Namjoon has always been unfazed and collected when it comes to business. You’ve never seen him look so flustered before. Since he’s putting you in this position, it’s satisfying, in a twisted sort of way, to see him uncomfortable.

He clears his throat. “In any case, myself and my members just wanted to give her a break. Simply extend her vacation time.”

Yeji looks to you, her expression almost bored. “Do you want a vacation?”

You shake your head. “No, I don’t.” You throw a glare at Namjoon before returning your gaze to the houseplant on your left, inspecting each leaf as you try to stay calm. You know if you look for too long at him, you’ll start getting worked up again. Your anger and resentment is still there, bubbling just below the surface. You hope he knows how much he hurt you.

Yeji turns back to him, inclining her head, her tone that of explaining something simple to someone who should know better. “It is against her will, so it’s considered a suspension, Mr. Kim.” She slips her glasses on, reading over the fine print on the paperwork. “My client is given two days off each month, is that correct?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Namjoon says. “One day off, every two weeks.”

Yeji raises an eyebrow. “Yet, you wish to suspend her for an entire week. That’s over three months worth of her regular vacation time. I must say, this appears to be much more than a simple extension, as you put it. I wonder why that would be?” She flips a page, skimming the words casually. “It says here that she’s received nothing but glowing reviews from all of you since she was hired six months ago.”

Namjoon shifts uncomfortably. You can tell that he’s trying to keep up his shields, but Yeji is a formidable foe with which to spar, able to find the smallest opening in an opponent’s armor and pierce through with the speed of a rapier.

“No particular reason.” Namjoon seems to settle on the answer after calculating his words.

“No reason?” Yeji’s eyes widen in mock surprise. “Mr. Kim,” She sets her papers on the table, looking at him expectantly. “I’m afraid I can’t allow this discussion to go any further unless you have a good reason for putting my client, your Primary PhysCom I might add, on suspension for an entire week.” She shakes her head with a mild shrug of indifference.

Namjoon tugs at the cuffs of his jacket. "Well, I think we can-"

Yeji interrupts him, her words slow and purposeful. “I think… it would reflect very poorly on you as a leader to make such drastic decisions,” Here, she gives a very brief smile that could be mistaken for politeness, if there was any warmth left in her eyes. “... for ‘no particular reason’. Don’t you agree, Mr. Kim?”

Damn. Hit him where it hurts, Yeji.

Namjoon’s mouth grows slack, his expression dumbfounded. You bite back a smile, eternally grateful for being assigned such a kickass handler. You make a note to request a bonus for her next paycheck.

But now Namjoon’s face has grown dark. His fingers are tented together, and he seems lost in a silent debate within his own mind. “I didn’t want to do this…” he mutters so quietly, you almost can’t make out the words.

He inhales sharply and sits up a little straighter, his composure regained. “Ms. Choi,” he begins. “I must admit, we do have some concerns about her performance.”

Your heart drops like a stone.

“Oh?” Yeji doesn’t look up at him, but starts scribbling on one of her papers. “What might those be?”

“We believe that she’s overworked, since, as you pointed out, she is our only Primary,” he explains in almost a monotone. “Her behavior has been emotional and unpredictable lately.”

At this, your gaze snaps to him, shocked. Why the fuck would he say that?

He looks down to the floor, as though ashamed, as he continues. “She’s kissed two of our members since yesterday, which is not on her list of services. She broke down crying last night during dinner. When we went to use another PhysCom, she had a meltdown. Started screaming at us.”

Your body feels numb and on fire all at once.

"We're concerned about her professionalism."

That motherfucker.

You leap to your feet, your body moving before you can think. Yeji pulls you back from physically assaulting him, but you strain against her grip like a wild animal. “You bastard!” You spit out the insult, hair falling in your face and venom in your voice, still huffing out ragged breaths as Yeji patiently calms you back into your seat.

Your hands clench so hard you dig marks into your palms. You’re shaking with unbridled rage at his betrayal. You didn't think it was possible to be so angry. Of all people, Namjoon knows exactly how dedicated you are to your work, even when you’re exhausted, how closely you stick to your professional boundaries, even when it hurts, how tirelessly you work to please all seven of them, even if it means being used over and over again without a moment to breathe. You’ve always given everything to your job.

Now he wants to turn around and say that you’ve been fucking slacking?

“You see what I mean,” Namjoon states calmly, though there’s something wavering in his eyes that doesn’t quite match the rest of his confident demeanor. He tries to meet your gaze, tries to get you to look at him, but you refuse, twisting your head away from him before you get yourself charged with murder on top of everything else.

Maybe it would be best for you to get fired. You’d rather live on the streets than be treated like this. Tears prick at your eyes but you blink them away. You refuse to cry in front of him. You won’t give him any more ammunition to use against you.

Yeji looks between you and Namjoon, her lips forming a thin line. “Kim Namjoon,” she addresses him, her voice cold. “Do you wish for my client to remain in this house?”

Namjoon seems surprised at the question, his eyebrows lifting. “Yes, of course.”

“Then, I think a recess is in order.” She stands up and brushes off some invisible lint from her skirt.

You stand up to join her, but she holds out a hand. “No. You two need to talk this out,” she says to you, then looks to Namjoon, staring him down. “I suggest you remember why we’re here, Mr. Kim.” After a moment of silence, she walks to the door. “I’ll be back in ten.”

With that, Yeji exits, and the two of you are left alone.

You cross your arms protectively around yourself, adamantly refusing to look at him. The silence stretches between you.

“Sweetheart-” he starts, but you interrupt him.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” you seethe. Proprieties be damned, you’ve had enough. “Don’t ‘sweetheart’ me, you fucking asshole. I have given everything for you and your members, okay? Don’t you fucking dare sit there and tell lies about me, to my face!” You shout, trying to keep your voice from shaking. You know if you keep talking your rage will melt into tears, and you cannot afford to cry in front of him. You simply won’t allow it.

“I know, I know,” Namjoon’s assurance overlaps the end of your sentence. He sighs. Waits a beat.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah! You’d better be.” You still don’t meet his eyes, the betrayal and confusion is just too much. On top of all that, you’ve never lashed out in anger at any of them like this. You still don’t regret shouting at him, but your heart is threatening to beat out of your chest in fear of repercussions. Did you make the situation worse? Is that even possible at this point?

“Look.” His voice is tentative, a little afraid. “I really am sorry, I didn’t mean any of that.”

“Then why the fuck did you say it?” You counter sharply.

“Because!” Now it’s his turn to shout, though he seems to regain himself much more quickly than you. “Because... I don’t know if that woman can be trusted,” he reiterates quietly, as if afraid she might hear him through the door.

Wait, what?

“Yeji?” You squint in utter disbelief. “Of course she can be trusted, what the fuck are you-”

“Not with this.” He sighs again, rakes a hand through his hair. “Listen, you have to trust me.”

You bark a laugh. “Trust you?”

He shakes his head, stopping your objections before you can list them. “This is serious. This is… bigger than either of us.”

His voice is the only thing that gives you pause. Just for a moment. He sounds… desperate. Scared.

You slowly look over to him, and his expression confirms your suspicions. Namjoon is fearful about something, his eyes wide with worry, his hair mussed from being tugged between his fingers. He looks completely different from before, and it has you reluctantly curious.

“What do you mean?” You let him keep talking, though you’re still taking his words with a grain of salt.

“I was… working on something. A better arrangement,” He begins, his eyes reaching out to you, then darting nervously around the room, as if he’s letting you in on his greatest secrets. “But I stumbled onto something bigger. I just… I need you to take some time off for right now, and I need you to trust me that it’s for the best.”

You level your gaze at him, silently weighing your options. He’s being awfully vague.

“What does my time off have to do with anything?” You ask, your suspicion coloring your tone.

“It’s necessary to test my theory properly. If I’m right, then...” He trails off, and you garner that his success would bring about something monumental.

You stare at him. You want to take his words as truth, but he completely undermined you in front of your handler. You can’t let him off the hook so easily. “How can I believe anything you say anymore? You just blew any trust I had in you.”

“I know,” he says, hanging his head. He chews on his lip, then takes a deep breath. “That’s why I’m willing to offer some… collateral.”

He reaches into his pocket and withdraws something small and shiny. “This.” He holds out the object to you, dangling from a short metal chain. “It’s the key to my studio.” His gaze bores into yours as you tentatively reach forward to take it. “The only key,” he adds gravely.

You examine the silver peace offering, and your eyes widen at the implications of such a gesture. His whole life is in that studio. All of his art, his collections, not to mention his computer. His music. His career.

It’s all sitting in the palm of your hand.

He reaches across the table and closes your hand around the key. “You can keep it until I’ve earned your trust again. Okay?” He gives you a brief, dimpled smile, as if to assure you, though sadness and worry still swim behind his eyes.

“Now, sweetheart. Please. I beg of you.” He takes your hand in both of his own, his worried eyes imploring you to trust him. “Please, will you take this vacation?”

[bnha-scenarios]

☕️ Special Thanks ☕️ 

As always, thank you so much for the coffee! Your kindness are very much appreciated! ♡

Emilija | Regan | Nela Kovaříková | 1 Anon

Onwards to the progress update.

I had. So. Many. Things. That I actually wanted to complete.

… Alas, work decided to be a bitch and swamp me with things to take care of. To put it simply, there were a lot of issues that caused a lot of overtime work even on weekends, so I had to step away from coding most of the time so I won’t burn myself out.

So yeah, I didn’t manage to complete a lot of features, though I did dabble on some stuff here and there. I’m not happy with the rather small progress either. But life happens, and there are just other things that are more important sometimes. So we just have to let it go and look forward to the next month!

I’d say that this month I was quite productive in terms of organization and planning instead of the actual coding. I have at least identified what I need to write for the ‘free activity’ time of the game, which makes about 30-40% of the gameplay itself. However, actually writing the scenes and executing it is a different effort altogether, which I have only started to embark on.

Still, it’s crazy to think that the development for the full game has been actively going for around three and a half months now. Whew. Knowing that I have a tendency to hyperfocus and then get tired of something after a short time frame, I’m going to at the very least give myself a pat on the back for still keeping this project up and running until now.

More details below ↓

Added Route: Kirishima

Let me preface this first with a declaration: I won’t be adding any more love interest after this. Please please please don’t make me do it 😅 Going through all the plans and re-setting up things to figure out how to add him in was such a painful experience…

But anyway. I will be adding this boy’s route to the full game, because a lot of people seem to want to have him in the game. He does seem like a fun character to write, so I thought I’ll give him a chance.

Gameplay

Places, Schedules, and Hanging Out with the Boys

I think you would have noticed from the last two devlogs, but there are several activities you can do in-game. One of them is to visit a place of your choice at a certain time in a day.

Some places can be unlocked when you reach a certain threshold in a specific stat, and there are others which will be unlocked when you reach a specific threshold in a character’s affection meter. Nai will message you whenever you manage to unlock a new place to visit, so keep a lookout for that!

But what happens when you visit a place?

Well, each character has their own schedules -- which you should be able to figure out either by coincidence or by talking to them at school when prompted to do so. Your Quirk will allow you to see the unlocked schedule of each of the characters, so my advice would be to check it out before deciding where to go! If you manage to come to a specific place at the correct time, you will bump into them. Normally, this will trigger a set of actions you can perform: Talk, Action, and Skinship.

Talking is a safe way to increase your love interest’s affection meter, especially in the first half of the game. More topics can be unlocked under some requirements. Generally, it doesn’t matter where you are, the topics you can talk about will be the same. There are topics which might trigger different reactions depending on how high your love interest’s affection is, so have fun finding them! However, be warned that most topics can be selected only once!

Action is another safe way to further increase your love interest’s affection meter. Unlike talking, different places have a different set of actions you could select from. More actions can also be unlocked under some requirements. Responses to this doesn’t exactly change based on the character’s current affection level, and it’s not limited to one time only.

Skinship is a riskier way to boost the affection meter: simply put, it’s a high gain with a high risk. Consider the character’s current affection level when you’re selecting from this list! He might not like it if you go touchy-feely when you’re not that close yet.

On the other hand, when his affection is high enough, you’ll find that you can have a lot of fun choosing the various options here. So be smart, bide your time, and have fun ;)

And that’s not all! Interaction is a two-way street, so depending on how your love interest views the main character, he will initiate Talk, Action, or even Skinship. There’s a lot of variations in here, and I hope you’ll have fun with this mechanic! I certainly am having fun while also pulling out my hair out of frustration designing this and trying to put the mechanism to control this into code…

Progress-wise, I think at the very least the functions for controlling this specific mechanic have been 80% completed. The actual writing however, is another story. There are still hundreds that I still haven’t had the time to write yet, and most of them are not yet coded in. Those who have been coded in still don't have sprites and music, so really, I’ll just say that the writing progress for this part is less than 1% completed….

On the left is the currently WIP full game project, with what I would say around 2-4% dialogue scripted in. And on the right side is the completed demo project.

…. Can you see how much effort the whole game is going to take me now? I did say to strap in and relax, cause this is going to be a long ride. And I wasn’t kidding lol

"Nai"

Although throughout the first week, the story will flow as your environment / characters around you teaches you on how the game works, I’m aware that the game mechanics might be hard to understand for casual players who aren’t too used to playing otome games (or games in general). Which is pretty much why I’m giving you a ‘helpline’ of some sort, in the form of another character.

Why a character? Because I can and I want to. Shush 😆

If you’ve played the demo, chances are, you’ve encountered a name which you had no recollection of existing in the canon My Hero Academia universe. Well, you’re right. Like the player’s character, Nai (full name: Namae Nai / 名前 ない) doesn’t exactly exist in the canon universe, but she’s here to help you throughout the game. (She’s also there because if she wasn’t, 1-A class members becomes odd number in total and that just feels weird to me -- plus, the team exercise system in Heroics wouldn’t exactly make sense if the class has odd number of students)

For those of you who hate Original Characters with a passion (why tho), you don’t need to worry too much. She won’t be an intrusive character in the plot and will mainly not contact you unless she really has to (seriously, her full name literally means ‘no name’, so give her a break, ok?). And if, even then, you still hate her, well.... Too bad you won’t be able to enjoy the game, I guess.

For those of you who don't mind her existence: I hope you’ll take a liking to her dark sense of humor and appreciate her helping you get through the game!

Others

Fixed some bugs regarding unlocking Special Moves from certain activities and games.

Played around and customized the ‘input name’ for a little bit, so it wouldn’t awkwardly sit on the bottom of the screen. I have 0 talent in designing UI though, so the background still stays as a black screen -- but at least it looks more prominent now.

Added a little sign to indicate which route the player has entered. I think it’s pretty cute! Hopefully you’ll like it.

Assets

Those who follow me on Twitter would have seen this coming, but anyway, I’ll be using TMGS OSTs as the main character theme for the four love interests. Hush hush, okay?

Other than that, unfortunately I didn’t have time to do any assets gathering this month.

Writing

Nothing much to say here. I think I managed to script around 50% of the events in the first day, but honestly I’m not completely satisfied with it so I might go back and tweak them a bit. Still a lot of scenes to be written!

Plans for December

I'm not too sure whether there would be much progress for the next two months, since there are so many things happening and deadlines to be met at work, which is making me really unmotivated to do other side projects in my free time lately. I also feel like I haven't been taking care of my health enough ever since quarantine started, so I'm trying to get back into doing more exercises and looking for healthier food options, which also cuts into my free time and motivation I guess.

With that said, I'll still at least aim for getting some scripts coded in -- particularly for the events in day 1. Other than that, maybe hopefully some assets gathering for supporting Kirishima's newly added route, and finishing up the coding parts that I was unable to finish this month.

I'll see y'all again at the end of next month!

[littlepikmins]

I'm thinking about Tails Adventure so I'm gonna make a list of things I would personally change and update if I knew how to code and could make a fanmade remake of it.

Quick disclaimer before I write out my ideas: I do really like the original Tails Adventure so I’m not saying it’s a terrible game or anything. It’s not perfect but it’s still very enjoyable and has so much potential imo!

1. Adjust the story to make it more intriguing. First off I'd make the scenario of the game be that Tails crash lands on Cocoa Island. Since the Emeralds are in the game I’d make the opening cut scene be Tails searching for the other Emeralds in his plane. He has one of the Emeralds already and he’s using it to power his plane and search for the others via a signal when something goes wrong and he ends up crash landing on the island. As he gets out of the wreckage of his plane he notices the Emerald a little ways away on the ground. Speedy happens to be there and takes it and Tails sees this and chases after him. This then leads Tails into the first level of the game with the initial goal of fixing his plane and getting home. His workshop could then be an abandoned home that he makes his temporary living space while he finds what he needs to fix his plane, similar to Pikmin’s story scenario. At the end of each area is an object or material that will help him fix his plane, and each boss fight gives him an Emerald to power the plane (and also the submarine later). At first Tails isn’t sure what’s going on with the Battle Bird Armada so he's only trying to rebuild his plane. Eventually he realizes he needs to stop the Battle Bird Armada which leads him to fighting them. I think this makes more sense for his character as he realizes at some point without Sonic around he has no choice but to stop the Armada himself. It’s reminiscent of Sonic Adventure in which you can tell he's afraid to fight the Egg Walker but fights Eggman anyway because he knows he needs to fight back to protect the people of Station Square.

2. Add dialogue so the other characters get fleshed out more and their motives are clear. The Battle Bird Armada have some of the Emeralds in the original game so it’s definitely important to explain why they might need them for what their planning. Also add more boss fights and characters like the Battle Bird Armada’s commanders or something.

3. Update the gameplay to an extent. Ignoring critics who complain the game isn’t fast (it’s a Tails game not a regular Sonic game, SEGA should be allowed to try different gameplay styles with their other characters) I like the Metroidvania style but the game needs tweaks to really make it immersive and balanced (discussed more in my next point). I think it be cool if they also added some minor RPG elements. What I'm thinking is that during levels you could interact with certain objects and a dialogue box comes up in which Tails gives information about the object, such as plants or even clues to where certain gadgets are hidden in the stage (this would fix issues with backtracking and players wouldn’t need to look at a guide to find gadgets). It also be cool if the game had extra secret gadgets that required finding and collecting materials. Theses gadgets shouldn’t be required to complete the game though.

4. Make the game easier to access for newcomers. This would mean balancing a few areas and levels, but especially the first level which in my experience is one of the hardest levels in the game because Tails has no gadgets to work with yet.

5. Make the level aesthetics/level design more interesting. Cocoa Island had a lot of potential to have more levels and different areas to explore instead of mostly forest. There could be a water cave area with crystals or since its called Cocoa island an area with Cacao trees. There could also be more tropical inspired areas as well.

6. Add more music and remixes of some of the older songs. The songs in the original aren't bad I'd just like more tone variation.

7. Update the sprite art possibly making it similar to Sonic Mania. The sprite art in the original isn't bad, but naturally if it was remade it could be updated. I'd keep it as a sprite game though. Sprite art is charming and would still work for a Metroidvania styled game.

I haven’t played the game in a year so, but these are a few ideas I have off the top of my head that I thought I’d share, especially with a recent 3D Tails Adventure fan game in the works. The 3D game sounds ambitious... I’m concerned it won’t get anywhere though. All I really want is a remake, not an entirely new 3D game necessarily. These are my ideas and it’s totally fine if you disagree with some of these, honestly at this point I’d be happy with anything similar for Tails that’s fun to play.

[theastrophilearchitect]

A new project.

Because the first one wasn’t working. Writing journey #3.

Tue 30/03/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’ Word Count: 42,150 07.27 Hello! So I established in my last writing update that I was taking a break from my WIP ‘Bay Tree’, to return May 10th, and even though I’m not writing today, I just wanted to say that taking a break feels amazing. I’m focusing on reading (granted, I’ve been reading House of Earth and Blood for like two weeks) and it’s really helping ideas for edits develop. 

In my draft, I got to chapter 13 (I think) of twenty-something (because I didn’t fully outline the climax, so I’m unclear as to how many chapters there will ultimately be) but I just don’t think I can get all the way through a draft without first doing some developmental edits. So, for the next few weeks, I’m going to note the changes I think I could make, then figure out which ones I won’t implement, then how I will implement the others on May 10th.

In the meantime, this Thursday, I’m going to start working on a new WIP, which I have quite a clear idea for, but obviously need to develop the plot. So that’s it for today, and I’ll update again for my new project on Thursday April 1st.

Thu 01/04/2021 09.54 It is Thursday! I’m free for a couple weeks! Which means it’s time to start working on a new project. My goal for the day is just to compile some of the various ideas I have into something vaguely cohesive, then I’ll develop it tomorrow, and hopefully make a skeletal outline on Saturday, scene block on Sunday... I’m going to shut up before I set myself a thousand insane deadlines, but I’d like to have started a draft by the end of my free time. So, let’s go.

Wow. Blank documents really are intimidating, aren’t they?

13.04 I already had my core concept, but now I have almost a justification for it--why it happens, and I think I want to build up my world first, then characters, because knowing the world and its various peoples will allow me to figure out how exactly they fit in and develop their motivations, then finally do the plot. I’ll only work out the three characters I’m currently certain will be integral for the plot, because I don’t want to waste time on developing characters who are ultimately unnecessary, like I did in the earliest days of Bay Tree. 

Basically, with a world, I can work out motivations; with motivations, I can work out characters, and with characters, I can create a character-driven plot. I want to focus on creating both lovable characters and a memorable plot--I know all my favourite books have memorable characters, but the ones I enjoy the absolute most are the ones where it doesn’t feel like the plot only exists to drive the characters into relationships (I’m looking at you, Cassandra Clare. Seriously, I love Shadowhunters books, but the technically ‘main’ plots always feel second to the subplots).

Fri 02/04/2021 08.16 Honestly, didn’t get too much done yesterday. Mostly because I ended up down a rabbit hole of researching (though I do think what I learned will help me to form my world), and I was busier than I expected to be. Regardless, I think I want to make this a series. I have a feeling Bay Tree is also going to become at least two books when I revisit it, but I’m going to go into this one with that intention.

Obviously I don’t know how long it will be right now, but I think I’m going to aim for three books, then let it shape itself.

12.25 I just spent an hour writing out a history of the world and how it got to where it is. This is really fun, but really intense.

16.36 So, I have a rough plot in mind. I have an ending, a catalyst, a backstory for the world, and a few characters. And a lot of things that need names. I waited a really long time to name my characters in Bay Tree, thinking they’d be easier to name when I had then conceptualised, which makes sense, but I’d given them numbers with which to refer to them until that point, so it was a long time before my protagonist became her actual name instead of just ‘3′, despite the fact she technically became 2 because I had to cut 1.

Anyway, going to pick names, then let nominative determinism do its thing.

Jesus, I have no good male names. I keep a list of names, first and last, I like for use, but I have so many more female ones than I do male.

In Bay Tree, I used MBTIs as a starting point for personalities, which I’m planning to do here, especially since I know the types so much better now, but I want names first.

Maybe I just ought to choose this specific character’s surname first. Maybe he goes by his surname, or some variation thereupon (like how Daniel Arlington from Ninth House goes by Darlington).

Maybe he doesn’t need a name. Maybe we literally just call him Hero Guy.

God, screw this. He’s Hero Guy until either it comes to me, or I have no choice but to name him.

Sat 03/04/2021 11.15 I feel like crap today. I’ve been doing nothing for three hours, and I, quite frankly, need to get something done. So I’m going to write.

12.41 Wow, initial development really is the hardest bit of the process, huh?

Sun 04/04/2021 08.04 I’d really like to do more worldbuilding first, and character development, but it’s difficult when I don’t know the different parts’ roles. So, today, I’m going to attempt to outline the primary plot points of the three books. Attempt being the operative word here.

13.41 Honestly, yeah, I’m struggling with the plot. I think I managed to get Bay Tree’s plot so fast when I sat down to actually write it because it had been on my brain for a couple weeks, whereas I literally started this project three days ago.

Maybe that’s how I’ll handle this--when I hit a wall with one project, I work on the other to give myself some distance. Working on Bay Tree requires less thought anyway, because that plot’s already mostly figured out. Yeah. I think I’m going to revisit Bay Tree, but for reference’s sake, I’m going to dub the new project... eh... the first thing that came to mind was ‘Feather President’ which is more related to the actual content than ‘Bay Tree’, but it sounds so much crazier. I want to dub it something that actually could be a title, even if it definitely won’t be the final title, because I don’t want people to look at my blog, see ‘Feather President’ in the pinned post and immediately assume I’m insane.

Could always just use an acronym. Let’s go with FSB; those are one of the character’s (also the only character who so far has a name) initials, which may ultimately change, but it works for now. Bay Tree and FSB.

I’m going to end this particular writing stint here and come back in a couple hours, at which point I’m going to switch back to Bay Tree.

I should really stop planning so far ahead when my plans will inevitably change.

15.40 So here’s the plan I currently have that I definitely won’t stick to: at the start of each week, I’ll determine which project I work on (operating Monday-Sunday; if you think the week starts any day but Monday, you’re wrong, and I’m not sorry), and only work on that project throughout the week. So I’ll work on Bay Tree this week, and FSB next week.

I’m going to let myself work on a project for more than one week at a time, but I think I’m going to say I can only work on one for three consecutive weeks before I have to switch to the other. This seems like a good way to stay excited. Yes.

This second? Not completely sure. Might just go read and deal with it tomorrow.

Mon 05/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’ 11.37 Actually really glad I just sat down and read--I read about 200 pages yesterday in total, which meant I could easily finish the last 100 pages this morning. So I finished Starsight (the recent reads post will probably be up by the time this one is)--was anyone aware the A Court of Silver Flames paperback is £24 on Amazon? Anyone?

Anyway, we’re returning to Bay Tree today, after nearly two weeks (I know that’s not even long), and I’m going to attempt to implement my edits, by which I mean I’m going to put scene changes at the bottom in brackets, then technically implement them when I redraft.

Tue 06/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’ 09.11 I didn’t exactly accomplish much yesterday. I spent a good few hours just watching YouTube, because I didn’t have any motivation to do work, which screwed up my schedule, and I did no writing aside from transferring my list of edits from my phone to my document. I started reading Call Down the Hawk by Maggie Stiefvater, but didn’t get very far in--I’m obsessed with Stiefvater’s writing style; it’s the perfect mix between typical prose and fairytale-style storytelling. Anyway.

I’m going to switch to a new Scrivener project for the sake of cleaning it up--Bay Tree is a hot mess right now--and hopefully begin to implement my edits--maybe not today, but certainly this week.

Thu 08/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’ 16.53 So I haven’t yet had a day where I’ve done nothing (since my break finished), but the last couple days I’ve just been doing tiny amounts of what I’m calling ‘reference pruning’, where I’m just editing and clarifying character, worldbuilding and location documents. I’ve ‘pruned’ five character references, and I hate it. It needs to be done, but it doesn’t need to be done now. I’ve decided I’m just going to completely clear out the new Scrivener project I started for Bay Tree, and add stuff to it as it becomes necessary. I’m going to make notes of overarching edits (stuff I can’t just note at the bottom of a scene), and just get started with draft 1.7, adding and editing references as it becomes necessary. I’m also going to say I just need to spend an hour writing a day, rather than a word minimum.

Okay. Edits established. Things to bear in mind established. I need to go through the character profile for the POV character in chapter one, then we can get started. Or rather, I’ll get started tomorrow, because I need to go cook soon, and even if I do have time after dinner, I’m not going to, because I’m going to read then. Okay. Character.

I’m getting excited again!

Oh, and the setting. I need to do the setting document.

I’d like to draw attention tot he fact one of my character documents describes her as having ‘black upturned gold eyes.’ 

Clearly I couldn’t pick a colour, but now I’m inspired to give her heterochromia.

Character done, and setting undone, but I need to go cook now, so I’ll pick this back up tomorrow, when I may also do some actual work.

I just hope these posts give someone security in that writing is a messy process, and you don’t have to be perfect all the time to be a) competent, and b) a writer. I’m a competent writer, and I’ve only ever written about 60% of a draft. But I’m still going, still trying, and that’s the point.

Fri 09/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’: 484 words 09.15 Okay. So we’re redrafting, and this is like my fourth draft of the first chapter, so let’s just go.

Sun 11/04/2021 - ‘Bay Tree’: 576 words 09.01 Yeah, I missed yesterday. Ironically, having time off seems to be making productivity more difficult, despite the fact I actually have time for it. 

09.19 I feel like this project is making me stagnate. I think what I have is almost subconsciously tying me down, preventing me from improving, but I don’t want to just restart, because I want my bases, and it’s so ingrained in my head, I can’t physically start from scratch. Crap.

I think it needs to sit for longer. Crap.

It’s alright. I mean, it sucks, but it’s alright. It’s not like there’s any ideal age to become an author anyway, and I’m a long way off the average. I have time, and if it takes shelving projects now to complete better ones later, so be it. Maybe I’ll return to Bay Tree in a few weeks, or a few months, or a few years, or never, but I’ve learnt a lot from it.

So we move on.

Mon 12/04/2021 - FSB 08.05 This post is such a mess. I’m a mess at the moment. Today, we’re just continuing to work on FSB’s plot, and I think I’m already going to change the name of the character whose initials are FSB, so its nickname will probably change, too.

I had a trilogy in mind, but looking at it now, I think a duology will be best to convey the arc I have in mind.

21.51 I’ve actually accomplished quite a lot today--I’ve mostly been doing character profiles, but that helps me form tidbits to add to the story, which I can eventually string together. We’re progressing.

Tue 13/04/2021 - FSB 08.37 Hello! I think I can safely come to the conclusion I prefer development to actual drafting. Anyway, today I’m going to focus on completing the character profile for my other protagonist and do a little more work on another important figure. Then, I hope to be able to figure out the drive of the main plot in book one.

On another note, I am debating whether to plan out two books or three. Mulling it over, I think three books would give a more fulfilling arc, but it depends if I can work out enough content for the main plot. We’ll see.

Yeah, it’s going to be three. Two just can’t carry the impact I want.

20.00 I made pretty good progress today, but I just wanted to make the point I’m a lot more confident this project will hold my interest for longer than Bay Tree. This was something ruminating in the back of my mind for weeks, that I was desperate to write, where Bay Tree was very much a ‘sit down, make something up’ process at the beginning. Anyway, I think I’m done writing for the day, and I’ll get back to this tomorrow. (Because unlike most writers, I have a functional sleep schedule)

Wed 14/04/2021 09.19 Honestly, my head is empty right now, so I really need to open my project before determining what I want to do today.

Okay, so we’re basically just going to continue filling in holes.

14.50 Working out the plot, I’m pretty confident I’ve got the A plot covered, which the B plot will fit into, but I need more subplots.

Thu 15/04/2021 10.12 I want to work this one out mostly on the fly. I have nearly the whole of book one plotted out, but I want to work out the fine details as I write it; as I go, I’ll add more detail to my outlines of two and three. But for now, book one.

15.28 I’ve got basically the whole of book one covered; there’s just a gaping hole in act one, that I’m not sure I can fill. I mean, I can fill it, and I will, but I don’t feel like it’ll be that intentional of a thing. I think it’ll be more of an accidental idea that happens to flourish, but I’m going to keep working nonetheless.

Fri 16/04/2021 14.08 Good afternoon! I would’ve started writing earlier, but I wanted to catch up on the reading I didn’t do yesterday to make sure I finish A Court of Silver Flames within a week, so I can return the ebook and get a refund, because, despite being £6 cheaper than the paperback, it still cost me £8, and I want my money back. (Seriously, the paperback is fourteen pounds on amazon. Which is nearly twenty dollars. Which is pretty standard for a hardback, but it’s the paperback.) I’m about ten pages off meeting my minimum for the day (though I need to surpass that if I do want to finish it within a week), but it’s writing time.

14.37 I’m still establishing how, exactly, it applies, but I think I’ve solved it!

Definitely happy that as I’m planning, all I want is to make the characters happy, because I already love them so much. But they don’t get to be.

I have a section on a Pinterest board that’s just called ‘Simping’, and is just pictures of couples doing cute as shit things, and I literally just want my characters to dance together. Always. In Bay Tree, in FSB. Just dancing.

15.04 I have book one covered. It still needs development, scene development, but I can now move on to outlining book two, during which I’ll continue to develop one, integrate themes and such. 

Honestly, the plot falling into place is absolutely the most exciting part of writing. I get an adrenaline rush (yes, while sitting in a chair, typing), I start to love the characters, the world, the story... ahhhh.

I’m actually really satisfied with how the plot seems to be going.

16.44 The word ambiguous has too many Us in it. Three vowels in a row??? And the vowel sequence is a palindrome?? Don’t want it. 

I’m just sat here discovering new music. And it’s all so good and so dramatic and so perfect.

Okay, why do I have to come up with ideas so easily when I don’t need them? Then when I do I have nothing?

17.51 And just to clarify now, this post will actually end with Sunday the 18th, because after that I’m going to take three weeks completely off writing (aside from noting ideas), because I have a lot going on, then I’ll return on May 10th.

Note to self: develop a character who isn’t one of your two protagonists.

Sat 17/04/2021 10.23 I’m thinking I ought to do a more in-depth outline of book one before doing the basis of book two. Help me set up subplots and so on. Yanno, because other characters need some kind of agency, and I currently basically have two characters.

Sun 18/04/2021  08.52 I managed to plot out Bay Tree so fast because I’d already done so much development--plot was the only thing I was still missing. Anyway, I’m having a minor crisis. I think I’m a plotter, but I’m not entirely certain. It clearly didn’t work for Bay Tree. I think I may just start a draft of FSB now, and hope that lets me work out the other two books as I go.

In one of my excessive plans I will probably fail to stick to: I think I’d like to write a draft of the whole trilogy, all the way through, before even editing book one. I’ll obviously make notes of edits as I go, write as if I’ve already made them, eg. if, while writing book two, I have an idea for a book one edit, I’ll write book two as if I’ve already implemented it, which means I’ll have a little less editing to do of book two.

I have this all planned out in my head, but I’m probably being overambitious. We’re staying optimistic, though. I don’t believe in manifesting, but we’re manifesting.

14.23 I want to say I tried. I got a few details for the first couple chapters, but when I opened a doc to actually write it... nope. I need an outline to have a starting point. I just need detail.

Scene blocking sucks. But then I can’t write without it, so what can you do?

And I guess that wraps up this update. Writing this section, I’m about halfway through the writing break, and I have so many more ideas for this project. I was excited for Bay Tree because it was the first time I really made progress, but I’m excited for this one because I genuinely love this story. This post is going up May 14th, at which point I’ll be back to writing, and the next update should come mid to early June. 

And that’s a wrap.

[iwebscrapingblogs]

Which are The Best Scraping Tools For Amazon Web Data Extraction?

Web scraping is the method of extracting data from the internet. You'll usually want to analyze, evaluate, reformat, or transfer data into a worksheet after you have it.

Web extracting has numerous applications, but we'll emphasize just a couple today: obtaining service and product information from markets. Retailers utilize this information to gain a better understanding of the business and its competitors.

In reality, the benefits can be enormous. To oppose your competitor's approach, you must first understand the concept. Knowing their rates, for instance, can provide you an advantage in sales by offering a special offer or selling at low rate. Amazon is one of the most popular online shopping destinations. People use it to order groceries, books, laptops, or even hosting plan solutions daily.

Amazon has the largest database for items, reviews, retailers, and market dynamics as a prominent e-commerce site. It's a gold mine for website data scrapers.

We'll look at the top APIs for scraping Amazon data without getting prohibited. This blog will save your precious time if you're looking for the finest tool to extract data from Amazon.

Let's get started!

Reasons Behind Scraping Amazon Data

If you try to sell any product online, some of the necessary steps are:

Competitor Analysis

Enhancing Your Product And Value Proposal

Learning Market Tendencies And Manipulating Them.

By extracting amazon data, you can simply collect, compare and monitor competitive product details, such as pricing, ratings, and availability. You cannot only assess their cost management, but can also uncover amazing offers for resale.

In the blog, we are providing few web scraping tools for scraping amazon data.

Why Use Web Scraping API?

Amazon is among the biggest online stores in history. As a result, Amazon has one of the largest databases of information about customers, items, ratings, sellers, market dynamics, and even user temperament.

Before we learn the specifics of data extraction, it's worth noting that Amazon does not support internet scraping. This is because the page structure differs depending on the product categories. Simple anti-scraping techniques are in place on the website, which may prevent you from gathering the information you seek. Aside from that, Amazon can tell whether you're scraping it with a scraper. Besides that, Amazon can detect if you are scraping it with a bot and will immediately block your IP address.

Amazon Web Scraping Tools For The Job

We'll scrape using a terminal and some curl requests to get the job done as quickly as possible even without the need to create a new project for each application we test. To test out, we've chosen five promising web scraping APIs.

Let us take each of them for a test and search out which is the best web scraping tool for amazon data scraping.

1. Web Scraping API

Web Scraping API is a program that enables us to scrape any web resource. It uses a simple API to extract HTML from any web page and returns ready-to-process data. It's useful for extracting product data, processing real estate, HR, or financial data, and even tracking market data. We can get all the information we need from a specific Amazon product page using Web Scraping API.

For instance, find an exciting product on the Amazon market.

The product page seen in the image above will be scraped.

Secondly, let’s get the product’s page

URL:https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B088CZW8XC/ref=gw_uk_desk_h1_vicc_sh_cto_kif0321?pf_rd_r=RYXBGN8C757Y9BD6W38B

We will be taken to the application's dashboard after creating a new Web Scraping API account. To test the application, Web Scraping API offers a free plan with 1000 requests. For what we're going to do, that's more than enough.

We'll go to the dashboard page and click the "Use API Playground" button. We can see the complete curl command here, which will assist us in scraping the Amazon product page.

Let's copy and paste the product's URL into the URL field. The preview of the URL command on the right will alter as a result of this.

After you've finished this step, copy the curl command and copy this into a new terminal session. If you follow the above procedure, you should have something similar to this:

When we press enter, Web Scraping API will return the product's page in HTML format.

According to our results, Web Scraping API was able to successfully obtain the required information in 99.7 percent of the situations, with a success rate of 997 out of 1000 queries and a 1-second latency.

2. ScrapingBee

ScrapingBee allows you to scrape without even being blocked using both traditional and premium proxies. It concentrates on collecting all the required data for rendering websites in a real browser (Chrome). Developers and businesses can scrape without worrying about proxies or headless browsers thanks to their vast proxy pool.

Let's try scraping the same Amazon page we scraped earlier. Make a new ScrapingBee account, browse to the app's dashboard, and paste the previous URL in the URL input.

In the "Request Builder" area, click the "Copy to clipboard" button. Open a terminal window and paste the copied code and hit “ENTER”.

With this command, we'll scrape the same page on the Amazon marketplace so that we can compare the results from each API.

According to our investigation, ScrapingBee was able to correctly obtain information in 92.5 percent of the situations with a rather large latency of 6 seconds.

3. Scraper API

Web scraper API is a development tool for web scrapers or a tool that extracts any data using a simple API call. The web service will manage proxies, browsers, and CAPTCHAs, allowing developers to achieve raw HTML from any website. Furthermore, the product will achieve a balance in functionality, dependability, and use.

We'll create a fresh account on Web Scraper API and use 1000 free requests for evaluating their crawling technology, exactly like we did before. We will be forwarded to the following page once we have completed the registration process:

ScraperAPI does not appear to offer the ability to change the curl query by writing the new URL at the first sight. This isn't a large deal. We'll start a new terminal window and paste the code from the "Sample API Code" field.

As we can see, the default URL that it’s being scraped is “http:/httpbin.org/ip”. We are going to change it to the escaped version of the product’s page URL presented at the top of the section. Change the previously presented link with the following one:

The final command should look something like this:

After pressing enter, the HTML code for the product's page will be shown. Of course, you can manipulate the generated data structure with Cheerio or any other markup parser.

ScraperAPI appears to be the finest option, with a success rate of 100% and a latency of less than one second.

4. Zenscrape

Zenscrape is a web scraping API of sorts that will return the HTML of any website, allowing developers to collect data faster and efficiently. By solving Javascript rendering or CHAPTCHAs, the program will allow you to fetch the website content seamlessly and reliably.

Once we complete the registration process as before, we will be readdressed to the dashboard page.

Copy and paste the product’s page URL in the URL input.

Scroll down to the middle of a page to get the curl command we need to scrape the Amazon data. Copy it to the clipboard by clicking the “Copy to Clipboard” button, then paste it into a new terminal window. It should look like this:

Unlike other web scraping tools, the result that will be displayed would be in HTML page format.

According to our analysis, Zenscrape has a 98 percent success rate, with 98 successful requests out of 100 and a latency of 1.4 seconds. This ranks it lesser than the preceding tools, but it has one of the most intuitive and elegant user interfaces, and it gets the job done.

5. ScrapingAnt

ScrapingAnt is a web harvesting and scraping solution that offers its users a complete online gathering and scraping experience. It is a facility that manages Javascript processing, the headless browser informs the management, proxy variation and rotation, and proxy diversity and rotation. This scraping API has the high availability, dependability, and feature flexibility to meet the needs of any organization.

As before, we go through the same process, initially, create an account on Scraping Ant and make use of its 1000 free requests for scraping amazon product data.

Replace our URL in the URL input field, copy the curl command to a new terminal window, and hit ENTER.

This will yield an HTML structure that we can parse using Cheerio or another markup parser. ScrapingAnt's key features include Chrome page rendering, output preprocessing, and scraping requests with a low risk of CAPTCHA check triggering.

According to our analysis, ScrapingAnt has a success rate of 100 percent and a latency of three full seconds. Although has one of the highest success percentages on this list, the 3-second latency is a major issue when scraping a large amount of Amazon product data.

Final Thoughts

We sought to figure out what the effective tool for the occupation was during this process. We were able to examine and analyze five scrapers and discovered that the outcomes were not that dissimilar. They're all capable of getting the job done in the end. Each scraper's delay, rate of success, amount of free requests, and pricing makes a difference. When it comes to scraping Amazon data, Web Scraping API is a good choice because it has one of the smallest latency (1 second) and a near-100 percent success rate. It has a free tier for those who don't need to make a lot of requests, as well as 1000 free inquiries if you just want to play about with it.

AScrapingBee is another web scraper we certify, however, the results are unsatisfactory. We have a hard time getting the information we needed on our Amazon goods with a success rate of only 92.5 percent and a somewhat long latency.

ScraperAPI is also one of the fastest scrapers we've come across. It has better effects in the level of technical criteria, with only a 1-second delay and a 100% success rate. Its disadvantage is the user interface, which appears to be the most basic. Another flaw is the price plan, which does not have a free tier.

Zenscrape features the most user-friendly interfaces of any scraper we have evaluated. WebScrapingAPI is the only one that comes close. Zenscrape has a 1.4-second latency and a 98 percent success rate.

ScrapingAnt is the most recent scraper we tested. It's an excellent option for extracting the Amazon information we require, but it's a little slow, with such a latency of around 3 seconds and a rate of success of 100%.

Finally, when it collects Amazon product information, all of the web scrapers we examined perform admirably.

Instead of trying yourselves, we recommend contacting iWeb Scraping services for genuine amazon data scraping delivery.

We are always available to deliver the best services.

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