#(there's also a part of him that's annoyed at himself for still finding simon hot even when he's being a bit of a tosser

[bluegiragi]

debrief.

early access + nsfw on patreon

[khaleesiofalicante]

Practice Makes Perfect

Wrote this little drabble instead of working. Thanks @tobeornottobetequila for the prompt that led to this disaster. You can also read it here on ao3 :)

“He is here! Here is here! He is here!”

Izzy came running into the dorm with Simon following closely behind.

“Are you ready, buddy?” Jace put a hand on his shoulder.

Alec swallowed a jello shot from the tray Clary was holding. “Now or never.”

Today was the day.

Alec had been pining after Magnus for two whole semesters now. He had been trying to ask the other boy out almost every day, but kept chickening out.

Finally, his friends who had confessed that they could no longer put up with his pining, had come up with a plan to help Alec ask Magnus out.

Now usually Alec would never condone  - and definitely not be a part of – any plan concocted by his siblings and friends.

For they were, as the kids say, chaotic as fuck.

But to his own surprise, he had agreed.

For he was, as the kids say, desperate as fuck.

Clary took out more jello shots out of the mini fridge as Simon kept an eye on the entrance for Magnus.

“Do we really need to do all of this?” Simon asked, eying the trays of jello shots.

“Babe, we’ve been through this,” Izzy told him. “Alec needs liquid courage to ask Magnus out.”

“Does he?” Simon asked, addressing Alec. “Why can’t you just tell him how you feel?”

“Tell him how you feel,” Jace snorted. “What kind of garbage advice is that?”

“It’s not like I haven’t tried!” Alec tried to defend himself. “Every time I try to tell him how I feel and ask him out but he is just….There is only so much I can do!”

“You just need to be a little-”

“Stop victim blaming!” Alec protested. “It’s not my fault he looks like a Greek god!”

“Who looks like a Greek god!”

They all turned in unison to find Magnus in the entrance, carrying a pile of books.

It has only been two seconds and Alec was already sweating.

His friends had told him that with liquid courage and with their support, it would be easier to ask Magnus out.

But that wasn’t true, was it?

He could barely talk to Magnus when they were alone. How was he going to ask him out with so many others in the room?

Besides, the plan itself was crazy. I mean, it was Jace’s idea. So of course it was crazy.

Maybe Simon was right. Maybe he should just tell Magnus how he felt.

Nah, that wasn’t it.

He wondered if anyone would notice if he quietly jumped out of the window.

“Magnus!” Izzy beamed and welcomed him into Alec and Jace’s dorm.

Magnus eyed the jello shots on the table and then the books in his hand. “Um, this doesn’t look like the study session I was promised.”

“Oh, we are studying alright,” Clary said. “We are studying matters of the heart.”

“What?” Magnus blinked.

“Alec here is trying to ask out his crush,” Jace said. “But he is a little nervous. So, we are going to help him.”

Magnus blinked, a little slowly this time. “Oh.”

“And we thought you could help,” Clary smiled. Alec was grateful for her presence. He knew she was Magnus’ favorite out of them all.

“Oh,” Magnus said again. “What do…What can I do?”

“Well, it’s simply really,” Izzy grinned. “We thought we could do some basic role playing. Alec can ask you out for practice. We really think it might help.”

“Why can’t Jace do it?” Magnus asked, not looking at Alec.

“Because we are the Lightwoods, not the Lannisters,” Jace replied. “I mean we could use Simon…but we don’t want to, ya know?”

“Hey!” Simon protested.  

“Do you mind helping, Magnus?” Clary asked. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Alec gave a quick smile. He didn’t want Magnus to do this if he didn’t want to either.

Magnus bit his lip.

“Are you okay with this, Alexander?” he asked and Alec wanted to sob.

The way he said his name. The way his eyes scanned Alec’s face to see if he was okay. The way he offered to help someone without a worry. The way his lips had this tiny red mark where he had bit them.

How was Alec supposed to ask this man out without passing the fuck out?

“I…I mean if you’re okay with it then…” Alec faltered.

“I’m asking if you’re okay with it,” Magnus said.

“Are you okay with it?” Alec asked.

“I’m okay with it if you are,” Magnus smiled.

“Well, I’m okay with it if you are,” Alec repeated.

“Christ,” Jace swore behind him. 

Clary pinched her boyfriend and asked him to shut up. “Well it seems like you’re both okay with it. Let’s get started.”

They all sat in a circle. Alec sitting opposite Magnus. Izzy and Simon on the giant bean bag Jace had found in some bizarre bidding website. Jace of course was sitting on the window ledge. And Clary set down the snacks on the coffee table and sprawled on the floor like a cat.

“Alright, proceed,” Izzy clapped her hands, as if this was a duel.

“What? Just like that?” Alec asked – not anyone in particular.

Magnus just shrugged. “Why do we have jello shots?”

“Liquid courage,” Jace winked.

Magnus picked one up and suddenly started giggling. “It’s a jello shot. It’s solid, not liquid.”

Maybe it was the way there were faint wrinkles around Magnus’ eyes when he smiled – reminding Alec that magnus was someone who smiled a lot.

Maybe it was the way the Magnus’ throat bobbed when he swallowed the jello shot in one go.

Or maybe it wasn’t Magnus at all.

Maybe it was the way Simon was playing Izzy’s hair as she rested her head on his chest.

Maybe it was the way Jace and Clary were smiling at each other, sharing their love in unspoken glances.

Maybe it was the way Alec couldn’t help but feel like it would always be with this way – with him as the fifth wheel.

Whatever it was,  Alec couldn’t handle it.

“I can’t do this,” Alec stood up abruptly and walked out of the door.

What was he thinking?

No amount of alcohol or moral support would be enough for him to ask Magnus out. Because that wasn’t the problem.

Alec wasn’t afraid to ask. It was just a question after all. In his classes, Alec was always that one student who always put up a hand and annoyed the professor with a million questions. No, he wasn’t afraid to ask.

But he was terrified of the answer.

Knowing he didn’t deserve Magnus was one thing. But being told that he didn’t…He didn’t know how he could cope with that.

He heard the door open behind him, followed by faint and hesitant footsteps.

“I’m fine, Jace,” Alec said quickly. “Just go ba-”

It wasn’t Jace.

“Your friends mean well,” Magnus offered a smile.

“I know,” Alec turned back again and set his eyes on the horizon. “It’s not their fault that I’m a fucking mess.”

“You’re not,” Magnus said he found his way next to Alec. “You’re fucking tall though. Fucking smart, yes. And fucking annoying – especially when you make us all stay behind during the lecture with your million follow up questions. But you are not a fucking mess.”

“I am,” Alec said, ignoring Magnus’ kind words.

He didn’t want kindness. He wanted the truth.

Magnus made an impatient gesture. “Fine, then let’s clean you up. Ask me out.”

“What?” Alec blinked.

“You said you’re a mess. Your friends are right. Practice makes perfect. Ask me out. Let’s practice.”

“I…I don’t know how,” Alec replied.

“Well, how did you do it before?” Magnus prompted. “Are you more of a straightforward guy or do you like to be super romantic and have flowers and-”

“I haven’t,” Alec interrupted. “Asked anyone out before, I mean.”

“Oh,” Magnus said. “Oh, okay. Then let’s just go with the gut. Why do you wanna ask this guy out?”

“Because I love him.”

The words tumbled out before he could stop them. Alec blushed scarlet, even though he knew Magnus was completely oblivious.

“Oh,” Magnus said, looking taken back. “I…I didn’t think it was serious.”

“It’s not,” Alec said. “It’s probably unrequited.”

“Then you shouldn’t ask him out,” Magnus replied.

“Because he doesn’t love me back?”

“Because anyone who doesn’t recognize your value isn’t worth your time, Alexander,” Magnus said.

Alec stared at him.

“Alright, let’s do this,” Alec nodded. “I’m gonna ask you out.”

Magnus smiled but then stopped immediately, as if he suddenly realized something.

“Yes,” he nodded. “Let’s practice. Ask me out Alexander Lightwood.”

Alec swallowed.

“Magnus,” Alec said and his voice came out all squeaky. He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “Magnus, do you want to go out with me?”

“I…” Magnus blinked. “Um, do I say yes?”

“What?”

“I don’t know what to say,” Magnus replied. “Do I say yes or what?”

“I don’t know how these things go! I haven’t asked anyone out before!” Alec almost laughed. “What usually happens?”

“Well, if I don’t like them, then I pretend like I got an emergency call from Catarina saying ragnor had a heart attack and-”

“Ragnor had a what?” Alec did laugh this time. “Surely they aren’t gonna buy that!”

“Please! It’s more like you than you think!” Magnus laughed back. Watch this. “He almost had one when he found out Prince Hans was the real villain in Frozen.”

They both laughed again, and Alec couldn’t help but want to hold onto this moment for a little longer.

“What if you like them?” he asked. “What happens then?”

“I…I don’t know,” Magnus said quietly. “I haven’t been asked out by someone I liked in a really long time.”

Maybe it was the way Magnus said, his voice sounding like he was close to giving up.

Maybe it was the way his eyes didn’t crinkle, but rather looked sad and lost.

Or maybe it wasn’t Magnus at all.

Maybe it was Alec, for once deciding to seize the moment.

“Hey, Magnus,” he said before he lost the nerve. “You like me, right?”

Magnus smiled. “I do.”

“Will you go out with me then?”

Magnus froze for a moment. “Are we…Are we still practicing?”

“No,” Alec said. “I’m asking you out for real.”

“But…But what about the other guy? The one you wanted to ask out?”

“There is no other guy,” Alec explained. “It’s you. I’ve been wanting to asking you out.”

“Hold on,” Magnus looked confused. “So, you are practicing with me to ask a guy out a later – who also happens to be me.”

Alec grinned. “Told you I’m a mess.”

“A hot mess,” Magnus grumbled, but Alec spotted a smile.

“So?” he prompted.

“So, what?” Magnus asked, never making it easy for him.

“Magnus!” Alec all but whined.

“Hold, I’m getting a call,” Magnus pulled out his phone. “Yes, Catarina? Ragnor had a what? Goodn-”

Alec grabbed Magnus in by his shirt. “You’re not as funny as you think.”

“Agree to disagree,” Magnus poked out a tongue.

“What now?” Alec asked, their faces incredibly closed. “What happens when someone you like asks you out?”

“Well, I would usually expect a rom-com level kiss,” Magnus said cheekily. “Being lifted off the ground, the 360 angle, violins in the background, doves flying – the whole thing.”

“Uh-oh,” Alec said. “We have a problem.”

“We don’t have doves, I know,” Magnus replied.

Alec laughed. “It’s not that. I…This is my first time asking someone out. That means I haven’t…I haven’t really kissed anyone before.”

Magnus smiled, and the wrinkles around his eyes were back, spread out like little rays of sunshine.

“Well, luckily for you Alexander, I know someone you can practice with.”

[rhosyn-du]

Never make a mess when a total catastrophe will do - Chapter One

Pairings: Jimon, past Clace, background Clizzy, a bunch of other minor background pairings Rating: Explicit Art: @cor321​ Beta: @all-thestories-aretrue​ Tags:  Alternate Universe - College/University, fake dating, oh my god they were roommates, friends with benefits, idiots to lovers, pining, miscommunication, holidays, drinking games, mistletoe, symbolically significant Oreos, domestic fluff, brief mention of past character death, Jace’s self-worth issues deserve their own tag Summary: What do you do when you find out your sister is not only dating your ex and love-of-your-high-school-life but is also bringing her home for Christmas? Bring your annoying, hot, annoyingly-hot roommate as your fake boyfriend to show them you're totally fine with it, obviously! There's no possible way this could backfire. Link: AO3, Tumblr Master Post

Chapter One

“Lightwood’s Mortuary, you stab ‘em, we slab ‘em. How may I direct your call?”

“You know,” Izzy said, “that joke would land a lot better if you hadn’t turned green last week when I mentioned getting to do my first cadaver dissection.”

“First of all,” Jace said, abandoning his laptop in favor of flopping back onto his bed, “it’s creepy that you say ‘getting to’ instead of ‘having to.’ And second of all, no one wants to hear about how much fun you had slicing up dead bodies over Thanksgiving dinner.”

“Max wanted to hear about it.”

“Max also can’t wait to get to middle school because he heard you get to use actual fire in science class,” Jace pointed out.

“Max is just into science like his big sister,” Izzy countered breezily. “Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about Christmas.”

“Please,” Jace said with far more enthusiasm than the situation probably warranted. “I’m desperate enough for any distraction that will take me away from trying to memorize third declensions that I would love to discuss whatever family holiday drama is so colossal I’m hearing it from you instead of Alec. Is Robert planning to show up uninvited to Christmas dinner with his girlfriend again? Oh! Did Mom finally snap and kill him? Is that why Alec isn’t calling? Is he helping her hide the body?”

“Oh my god,” Izzy laughed. “Dad and Annamarie are spending the holidays in Provance with her family, and there are no bodies to be hidden. This is what you get for taking Latin instead of Spanish like a sane person.”

“This coming from a woman who’s studying both,” Jace pointed out.

“Yeah, because a basic understanding of Latin and fluency in Spanish will both help me get into med school, and I need all the help I can get if I’m going to get into Grossman. Besides, I’d never imply anyone in this family is sane. If you studied more, you’d know that ‘Lightwood’ is just Latin for ‘totally fucking cracked.’”

“Please,” Jace snorted. “It’s not even a Latinate name. It’s Germanic. ‘Lightwood’ is Old English for ‘totally fucking cracked.’ Speaking of which, what’s the Christmas disaster?”

“It’s not a disaster exactly,” Izzy hedged, and Jace felt a sudden frisson of actual unease. Izzy normally had no problem speaking her mind. “It’s not a disaster at all, actually. It’s just. I invited someone.”

“Oh.” Jace relaxed. He didn’t know why Izzy was making such a big deal out of this. In the years since the divorce, Maryse had often encouraged her kids to invite any friends without a place to go to join them for holidays. Izzy’s own roommate had come for Thanksgiving last year. “That’s cool.”

“No,” Izzy said, like he was missing something obvious. “Jace, I invited someone. Someone I’m seeing. Seriously.”

“Oh,” Jace said again, this time with dawning comprehension. “That’s great, Iz. I’m happy for you. Wait, Mom’s not doing her overprotective, no-one-is-good-enough-for-my-children thing again, is she? Is that why you called, you need me to run interference?”

“No, no,” Izzy reassured him, although her voice still held an underlying tension. “Mom’s been great, actually. They knew each other already, so that probably helps.” Jace heard a shaky inhale before Izzy continued. “You, um. You know her, too, actually.”

“Oh yeah?” Jace said with forced ease, wracking his brain for any clue as to what could have Izzy so freaked out. Whatever it was, Jace wasn’t going to add to her stress. As far as he knew, Isabelle had never even been serious enough about someone before to even use the term girlfriend or boyfriend, let alone bring them home for Christmas. “Who’s the lucky lady?”

“It’s Clary,” Izzy said in a rush. “I’m dating Clary.”

The world seemed to tilt on its axis, and Jace was glad he was already lying down.

“Clary?” he repeated. “M—” He just barely stopped himself from saying “my Clary.” Because she wasn’t, not anymore. Not for a long time. “Morgenstern?” It was a clumsy recovery, but it was the best he could manage. “You’re dating Clary Morgenstern?”

Jace and Clary had met at the beginning of Jace’s junior year of high school. Clary, a year younger, had just lost her mom, and the two initially bonded over the shared experience of having lost parents. But Clary was fierce and bold and so full of passion even in the depths of her grief that Jace really couldn’t help falling in love with her. They’d dated for nearly two years—practically forever in high school terms—and even though they’d both known they were growing apart by the time Jace had to choose between his first-choice college in Boston and staying in New York to go to NYU, Clary would always hold a special place in Jace’s heart as his first love.

“Yeah,” Izzy said on a heavy exhale. “For a while now. That—that’s why I called. I didn’t want it to be weird, you know? For us all to just show up and for it to be a surprise. But I guess I probably shouldn’t have done it over the phone, either. I just didn’t think—”

“Izzy,” Jace said, much more calmly than he felt. “Breathe. It’s okay.”

“God, I should have told you sooner,” Izzy continued as though he hadn’t even spoken. “I just knew it probably would be weird for you, so I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure—”

“But you are now,” Jace interrupted again. It wasn't really a question. “Sure.”

“Yeah,” Izzy breathed. “I’m so sure.”

“Then it’s not weird,” Jace lied. “I mean, come on, my sister is dating someone who makes her happy and who I know will treat her right. What kind of idiot would I have to be to complain about that?”

“Really?” Izzy pressed. “Because I told Clary I wanted to talk to you before we finalized plans. So, if it is weird for you, or even if you just don’t want to be the only single person at the table on Christmas—”

“I won’t be,” Jace interrupted.

There was a pregnant pause, and then Izzy squealed so loud Jace had to pull the phone away from his ear.

“Oh my god, Jace! That’s amazing! Why didn’t you just say you were bringing someone, too, you jackass? Do you know how worried I’ve been about telling you about me and Clary?”

Which wasn’t what he’d meant at all—he’d only meant that Maryse was single, too—but Jace couldn’t resist the excitement in Izzy’s voice, not after her earlier panic.

“If I’d known you were all freaked out, I would have said something sooner,” Jace improvised. “It’s kind of new, and I haven’t even had the chance to tell Mom yet.”

“Let me,” Izzy insisted. “I’ve been trying to get her to admit that she and Luke are an item for ages, and maybe knowing that we’re all happily attached will be the push she needs.”

“Hold up. Mom…and Clary’s stepdad?” Jace was starting to wonder if this was some bizarre stress nightmare brought on by impending finals.

“Yup,” Izzy confirmed, popping the “p.” “They’re not even subtle about how much time they’re spending together, but Mom keeps talking about how they’re ‘just old friends.’” Jace could practically hear the eye roll.

“Anyway,” she continued, “if I leave now, I can catch Mom closing up the bookshop and maybe finally get her to crack. Don’t worry about Christmas plans. I’ll take care of everything. Talk to you later!”

“Iz, wait,” Jace started, but he was interrupted by the telltale beep of the call ending.

Jace stared at his phone, wondering how, exactly, he’d managed to make such a disaster of things. He couldn’t deal with this right now, he decided, tossing his phone aside. He just had to get through finals, and then he could come up with some excuse for why his nonexistent girlfriend couldn’t make it for Christmas. An excuse that wouldn’t make Izzy suspicious. Or Clary. Or Alec. Or— Fuck. Not thinking about it.

He turned his attention back to his laptop only to realize after several minutes of staring blankly that he wasn’t prepared to think about Latin anymore, either. Fuck it. He was going to spend the rest of the evening on the couch, drinking beer and watching stupid people doing stupid things on TV and thinking about absolutely nothing at all.

Because Jace just couldn’t catch a break, he found both the couch and TV already in use. He wanted to be annoyed, especially since he knew this was at least the dozenth time this semester his roommate had watched Return of the Jedi. Part of him was annoyed. But another part of him was…not annoyed. And that was yet another thing Jace wasn’t going to think about.

Jace’s first impression of Simon Lewis, when he’d walked into History and Literature of Music their freshman year, had been that he was kind of hot, in a nerdy way. His second impression, when he actually talked to Simon a few days later, was that the guy was annoying as hell. Over the course of the year, as they somehow ended up hanging out with the same group of friends, it became a tolerable sort of annoying. So tolerable, in fact, that when Jace found himself desperate for a roommate the next summer when Raj bailed on him last-minute, he’d agreed to let Simon have the second room in the surprisingly affordable apartment he’d found.

Jace’s third impression of Simon came four days after they’d moved in together, when he happened to be walking down the hallway at the exact moment Simon stepped out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, a stray droplet of water trailing down his surprisingly well-defined abs. In that moment, Jace must have lost his mind, because he had the sudden, almost overwhelming urge to follow the path of that droplet with his tongue and, oh. Oh no. Jace had been wrong this entire time. Simon wasn’t just annoying. He wasn’t just nerd-hot. He was annoyingly hot.

And Jace was maybe just a little bit in trouble.

Because he’d seen the kinds of people Simon dated. Thoughtful. Driven. Well-adjusted. Unlike Jace in pretty much every way that mattered. Not that Jace dated, but he wasn’t the kind of person Simon hooked up with, either, he was pretty sure.

(Jace confessed his fourth impression of Simon to Maia several months later, after many, many shots of tequila. Maia laughed at him for a solid five minutes, but she also poured them another round and never mentioned it again after they sobered up because she was actually a pretty good friend despite how much she always seemed to enjoy Jace’s suffering.)

“What’s wrong?” Simon asked around a mouthful of instant ramen. Jace refused to acknowledge that the way his cheeks puffed out when he ate was cute.

“Just.” Jace shook his head. “Holidays. Family stuff.”

“Your sister planning to make Christmas dinner again?” Simon asked.

“Worse,” Jace said, flopping onto the other end of their stained Goodwill couch. “She’s dating my ex.”

Simon winced. “Ouch, dude.” Simon poked at his noodles with a pair of well-used disposable chopsticks. “You still have feelings for your ex?”

“What? No, of course not. It was ages ago, and we were practically still kids. And the breakup was mutual.” He made a face. “But Izzy’s bringing her home for Christmas.”

“Okay, yeah, that could be a little awkward,” Simon conceded.

“It gets worse,” Jace admitted. “When she told me, I kind of panicked and said I was bringing someone home, too.”

Simon frowned. “I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.”

“I’m not,” Jace told him. “Which is kind of the problem.”

“Wow. You really know how to make things difficult for yourself.”

“Thanks,” Jace said. “Very helpful.”

Simon shrugged, then said, as casual as if he were offering to toss Jace’s towels in with his to make a full load at the laundromat, “You could always take me home with you.”

Jace stared. “What?”

“I mean, I’m going to be in the city anyway,” Simon continued, “and it’s not like my family does Christmas. I think Mom and Becky can manage the traditional Chinese takeout and Fast and Furious marathon without me.”

“Your family watches The Fast and the Furious on Christmas?” It was the only part of that Jace was emotionally prepared to process.

“It used to be Die Hard, but Mom’s got a thing for Vin Diesel, so now we alternate years.”

Jace stared a moment longer, waiting for any of this to make sense. On the television, Boushh threatened Jabba with a thermal detonator.

“Right,” Jace said when it was clear the situation wasn’t going to make sense of itself. “Okay. Rewind to the part where I’m supposed to take you home with me for Christmas and, what, pretend you’re my boyfriend?”

He could picture it all too easily. Simon wielding his enthusiastic charm to keep Izzy out of the kitchen while Jace helped Maryse make dinner. Simon joining Alec in coaxing Jace toward the piano when it was time to sing carols. Simon flushed and smiling after a couple mugs of Magnus’s deceptively alcoholic eggnog. Simon’s hand in his because that’s just something boyfriends do.

It was a horrifyingly tempting prospect.

Jace pushed those thoughts away, crossing his arms over his chest and directing all the scorn he felt at himself into the stare he leveled at Simon. “What’s that supposed to accomplish other than giving me a headache?”

“Hey,” Simon said, setting the dregs of his ramen down on their secondhand Ikea coffee table, “I’ll have you know that I make an excellent boyfriend.”

That wasn’t exactly news. The fact that Simon was friends with basically all of his exes said as much. But Jace wasn’t about to let on that he paid that much attention to Simon’s dating habits. Or to pass up such a good opening. “That why you’re single?”

“Not the one currently desperate for a holiday date here, pal,” Simon pointed out.

“I don’t know, you seemed pretty eager to be my holiday date just a second ago,” Jace said, adding a wink just to be obnoxious.

“It was an offer, jackass. One which I now deeply regret.”

“Which you should,” Jace told him, turning to the TV and pretending to watch. “Now we can both forget this conversation ever happened, and I can go back to figuring out what I’m going to tell my family about why my nonexistent significant other can’t make it for Christmas this year.”

“Right,” Simon muttered, picking up his bowl and turning his own attention back to the movie.

Jace told himself he didn’t feel just the tiniest bit disappointed.

“The thing is,” Simon said several minutes later, as Boba Fett tumbled into the Sarlaac pit, “my cousin Rachel is getting married on Valentine’s Day. And my Bubbe Helen is still pretty cranky with me for breaking up with Maia.”

Jace frowned at him. “You and Maia dated for like a month and a half. Over a year ago.”

“Yeah, well,” Simon said, “Bubbe Helen really liked her, but I think maybe that’s because Maia’s the only person I’ve ever brought to a family function. So, I was thinking maybe if I brought someone else to Rachel’s wedding, she’d get the hint and drop the Maia thing. And then you suddenly needed someone to take home for Christmas, and I thought we could, you know, help each other out.”

It was a terrible idea, and Jace meant to say so. He really did. But what came out of his mouth instead was, “You want to introduce me to your grandmother?”

“I mean,” Simon said with a shrug, “she’d probably be happier if you were Jewish, but I honestly think she’d be happy to see me with anyone who’s not a total asshole. Ever since she found out Maia and I aren’t together anymore, she’s been acting like I’m going to end up a lonely old maid or something, which I totally don’t get, because A, I’m only twenty-one, and B, she doesn’t think it’s a problem that Becky’s single and Becky’s two years older than me.”

“Glad to know I meet the very minimal requirement of not being an asshole.”

“Not a total asshole,” Simon corrected with a teasing grin.

“You’re really making a compelling case for trying to convince our families that we’re a couple,” Jace said drily. But he was maybe just a little bit weak for Simon’s smile, so he added, “But you might as well tell me how exactly you think this would work. Theoretically.”

“Theoretically,” Simon repeated. “Right. Well, we’d need to come up with a game plan, obviously. And rules. Rules that we actually follow, because that’s where things like this always fall apart, when someone ignores the rules.”

“Where things always fall apart,” Jace repeated. “Is this something you do often?”

“What? No! I just mean like in movies and stuff. Fake dating is practically its own genre, so we have a ton of examples for how not to do it, and…” Simon frowned as his voice trailed off. “And now that I’m saying this out loud, I’m realizing how dumb it sounds. You’re right. We should forget this conversation ever happened.”

“Or,” Jace said slowly, knowing he was going to regret it but unable to stop himself, “we could spend some time coming up with a plan and then decide if we think it will work.”

“Wait, really?” The slow grin spreading across Simon’s face did nothing to ease Jace’s sense of impending doom, but it did fill him with a soft warmth that made the doom easier to ignore.

“Why not?” Jace shrugged with practiced nonchalance. “I’m done with classes at noon tomorrow if you want to do it then.”

“I’ve got a break from then till three if you don’t mind meeting near campus,” Simon said. “Say, Java Jones at twelve-thirty?”

“Sure,” Jace agreed to the background of Jabba’s sail barge exploding. He hoped that was less metaphorical than it felt.

~~~

“I thought we were planning a couple of fake dates, not staging a major military operation,” Jace said as he surveyed the notebooks and stacks of paper strewn across the rickety cafe table in front of Simon.

“Oh, sorry,” Simon said, hastily shoving exactly one of the many notebooks into his backpack. “I was just reviewing notes for my econ final while I waited.”

“Is all of this really necessary?” Jace asked, attempting to clear enough room on the table for his coffee and the banana muffin that was attempting to pass for lunch.

“It’s so necessary,” Simon told him, reaching over to steal a piece of Jace’s muffin. “I don’t want to end up like Melissa Joan Hart in My Fake Fiancé.” He popped the piece of muffin into his mouth. “Or Melissa Joan Hart in Drive Me Crazy. Oh! Or even worse, Melissa Joan Hart in Holiday in Handcuffs.”

“I have no idea what you just said.”

Simon sighed heavily. “I’m saying we need clear, well-defined rules if this is going to work.”

“Is rule number one ‘don’t be Melissa Joan Hart’?” Jace asked, snatching his muffin away when Simon reached for it again and taking a pointed bite.

“No,” Simon said, with far more seriousness than Jace thought the situation warranted. “That’s rule number two. Rule number one,” he continued, opening a blue notebook to a fresh page, “is ‘absolutely no sex.’”

Jace choked on his muffin.

“If there’s one thing everyone seems to agree with, it’s that things always break down when that rule gets broken,” Simon continued as though Jace weren’t struggling to breathe around a mouthful of muffin and why Simon thought they even needed a rule for that.

Jace washed the remaining crumbs of muffin down with a generous swig of coffee, then leaned back in his chair with a deliberately cocky grin. “I mean, I know I’m damn near irresistible, but do you really think you need a rule to keep from jumping me?”

“Rule three,’’ Simon said, scribbling furiously in the notebook, “treat each other with the same respect we’d treat people we’re actually dating.”

“Hey, I would have the same question for someone I was actually dating.”

Simon looked up from the notebook. “That explains so much about your dating history.”

Jace flipped him off, and Simon flashed him a shit-eating grin. “Nope, sorry, rule one. But,” he continued, serious once again, “we should have rules about what kind of physical affection we are comfortable with. Like, I know we don’t normally do hugs, but it would be weird if we never hugged in front of your family if we were dating, right? What about holding hands, is that too much? And what about kissing? I’m definitely cool with cheek kisses, but I don’t know—”

“Simon,” Jace interrupted before he could get too worked up. Or make Jace think about more things he really shouldn’t be thinking about. “You’re allowed to hug me. And hold my hand. Honestly, I’m sure I’d be fine with anything you’re comfortable doing in front of my family, so how about we just go with this: casual touches are fine and for anything else, I’ll follow your lead.”

The look Simon gave him was so searching that Jace almost worried for a second that Simon would be able to see right past his crossed arms and feigned nonchalance to the part of him that was less worried about showing physical affection than how much he wanted it, the part that avoided hugging Simon because he liked it.

“Okay,” Simon said finally. “But you have to promise you’ll tell me if anything I do bothers you even a little bit.”

“You mean like singing Shake It Off at the top of your lungs in the shower?” Jace asked.

“That was one time!” Simon protested. “I was up all night studying and under the influence of too many energy drinks. We agreed never to mention it again.”

“No, you told me never to mention it again and I laughed at you.”

“See, this is why we need rules. You’re already breaking number three.”

“Yeah, because we’re not pretend-dating yet,” Jace said. “That one might be a little rough, but I’m sure I can manage with some practice.”

There was that searching look again, but then Simon nodded like Jace had said something particularly insightful. “You’re right, we should practice.”

“We—what?”

“If we’re going to convince people who actually know us that we’re dating, then we should practice first,” Simon said, like it was the most reasonable thing in the world. “Not just the rules we know are going to be hard, but all of it, so we can work out any kinks in the plan before showtime.”

And maybe it was reasonable, but it was one thing to put on a show for his family, for Simon’s family, for a few days at a time in places that might be familiar to each of them individually, but that weren’t theirs. It was entirely another thing to do it here, in the cafe they went to at least twice a week, or on campus where they’d first met and had to keep on attending classes for at least another year, or even worse in the apartment they shared, around their friends—

“I really should have thought of it earlier,” Simon continued, blissfully unaware of Jace’s inner turmoil. “My best friend back home, she’s an amazing liar. Like, seriously, she got away with everything when we were kids. But any time she needed me to back up her story, she’d make me practice with her like a hundred times until she knew I could convince her mom and stepdad, even after I got good enough that I didn’t have to practice to convince Mom. Man, those two could sniff out the tiniest discrepancy in any story. Like, if normal parent bullshit detection is a one, my mom’s is probably a solid three, but Fray’s parents? Eleven, easy.”

“I’m pretty sure no one I’m related to has supernatural bullshit detection,” Jace told him. “And it’s common knowledge I’m a better liar than you are, so if you can fool your mom without practice, so can I.”

“Maybe,” Simon conceded. “But a little bit of practice couldn’t hurt, right?”

Jace was pretty sure that it could hurt, actually, but he was also pretty sure he was the only one in danger of getting hurt, so it probably wasn’t worth consideration. Especially weighed against the hopeful enthusiasm in Simon’s expression.

“What did you have in mind?”

“We could start by pretending we’re on a date right now,” Simon suggested. “We’re already sharing a muffin. So, just treat me like you’d treat anyone you were on a date with.”

“My dates don’t usually involve this many notebooks,” Jace told him. “And if my date stole my muffin, the date would be over.”

“Come on, you’re not even trying,” Simon said, gathering up the papers and notebooks. “You’d really ditch your date over a muffin?”

“Absolutely,” Jace insisted. “They’d have to be seriously good in bed to make up for it, and I’m pretty sure rule number one says you’ll never get muffin-stealing privileges.”

“If the biggest benefit to sleeping with you is getting to share your muffins, then I’m not the one missing out,” Simon told him.

“You selling your body for muffins now, Lightwood?” an amused voice interrupted. “I bet I know a few people who’d toss a bran muffin or two your way for a chance at that ass.”

“Which is why you’re not my pastry-pimp, Roberts,” Jace said, smirking at Maia as she helped herself to one of the table’s empty chairs. “I only trade this ass for top tier, gourmet muffins. If your muffins don’t have at least two Michelin stars, I’m not interested.”

“I give him a week until he’s working corners for Entenmann’s,” Simon told her. “He was just threatening to walk out on our date over a bite of mediocre banana nut.”

Maia’s eyes widened. “Your— Oh, shit, sorry,” she said, scrambling out of her chair and throwing them both an apologetic smile that Jace was pretty sure wouldn’t be directed at him if he were sitting with anyone other than Simon. “I swear I didn’t mean to interrupt, I just thought you were studying or something. You guys have fun, and I’ll just—”

“It’s a practice date,” Jace interrupted, “not an actual date. And Simon’s a dirty muffin thief who won’t even put out, so I’m not sure it really even qualifies as any kind of date.”

Maia looked between the two of them, then slowly lowered herself back into the chair. “I know I’m going to regret asking this, but what exactly is a ‘practice date,’ and why are the two of you on one?”

“Jace needs a fake boyfriend to take home for Christmas, and I need a fake date for Rachel’s wedding,” Simon explained, snatching the last bit of Jace’s muffin without remorse. “And we thought we should practice dating before trying to convince our families that were actually, you know, together.”

“That’s a terrible idea, and I regret any part I played in the two of you becoming friends,” Maia said flatly.

“Yeah, that would probably worry me more if you didn’t say that like twice a week,” Simon told her.

“Oh god, Simon, what did you let Jace talk you into now?” another voice asked, and suddenly there were three more people crowding around their tiny table, because apparently all of their friends were at Java Jones today. Which, in retrospect, Jace should have expected, given how often they all hung out there.

“It was actually my idea,” Simon told Maureen, sliding his chair closer to Jace’s to make room for her, Bat, and Lily. “Jace is taking me home to meet his family over the holidays, and I’m taking him as my date to my cousin’s wedding.”

This proclamation was met with a stunned silence that was broken when Lily turned to Jace and punched him in the arm.

“Ow! What the hell?”

“That’s for abandoning me, jerk,” Lily told him. “Not that I can really blame you—either of you,” she added, giving both Jace and Simon an appreciative once over, “‘cause damn—but I thought we had an understanding.” She sighed heavily. “Now that you’ve gone over the dating Dark Side, who’s going to be my wingman? You’re probably going to start doing all kinds of relationship-y things and talking about feelings—” she said it like it was a dirty word “—and crap like that.”

“I am not going to talk about my feelings,” Jace said, at the same time that Simon said, “We’re not actually together. We’re just pretending.”

“They’re planning to try to convince their families they’re dating even though they’re not,” Maia explained. “Because they apparently think that’s not just a disaster waiting to happen.”

“Oh,” Lily said, sounding oddly disappointed.

“Fifty bucks,” Bat announced, “says that when this blows up in their faces, Jace is the first one to break down and call Maia in a panic.”

“Hey,” Jace protested.

“Oh, you’re on,” Maureen said, ignoring Jace entirely. “Sorry, Simon, but no one panics quite like you.”

“I’m in,” Lily said, “and I agree with Maureen that Simon will break first, but his call to Maia will be interrupted by Jace calling five minutes later.”

“Why am I the one getting all of the panicked calls?” Maia wanted to know.

“Because you’re the only person at this table who isn’t an asshole,” Simon told her, “but nothing’s going to go wrong, let alone panic-inducing levels of wrong, so you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“Dude,” Jace said, “she’s an asshole to me.”

“You like it,” Maia and Simon said in unison, causing the rest of the table to collapse into laughter.

“Okay, fine,” Maia said around her giggles several minutes later, “if you’re all betting, then count me in, too. I bet that these fools,” she looked pointedly at Jace, then at Simon, “don’t call me when this whole thing goes to hell, but I somehow end up having to haul their asses out of trouble, anyway.”

“I rescind my assessment of you as not an asshole,” Simon told her.

“I’d think twice about calling the woman who’s going to haul your ass out of trouble an asshole if I were you,” Bat said.

“Back to this pretending to be together thing,” Lily said. “What exactly does that entail?”

“That’s actually what we were trying to figure out when you guys showed up,” Simon told her. “We started a list of rules, but we only made it to four so far.”

“Your list should definitely include making out,” Lily said decisively. “Having made out with both of you, I can say with confidence that you’re definitely missing out if you don’t. In fact, you should try it now so we can let you know if it looks authentic.”

“You just want to watch them make out,” Maureen said.

“Yes,” Lily told her. She didn’t add ‘duh,’ but it was implied. “I always want to make hot people make out. But in this case, I’m also being helpful.”

The ensuing argument over the line between helpful and self-serving was thankfully cut short by the opening guitar line of Blonde Redhead’s Barragan.

“Sorry, I’ve gotta take this,” Simon said, holding up his phone. “I’ve been playing voicemail tag with Becky all week.” He looked at Jace. “Talk more about this later?”

“Sure,” Jace told him.

“Tell your sister I said hi,” Maia called after Simon as he headed away from the cafe’s crowd.

“You know,” Jace told her in a low voice, “you could always tell her hi yourself instead of always asking Simon to pass messages.”

Maia gave him an unimpressed look. “After everything I just heard, I’m pretty sure you’re the last person in this room I should be taking relationship advice from.”

“Bite me,” Jace told her, but he didn’t disagree.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: West Coast Avengers #4: FINALE

December, 1984

So things are going well for the West Coast Avengers so far, huh?

Well, at least Tigra got out of the ocean and same for Wonder Man and the pool? That’s something??

Anyway.

How have things been going for the West Coast Avengers?

Last times on limited series: A west coast branch of the Avengers was formed on Avengers chairman Vision’s request, head up by Hawkeye and with a roster of Mockingbird, Tigra, James Rhodes Iron Man, and Wonder Man.

Their first team activity was to beat the crap out of the Shroud, a friend of Tigra’s who followed her to the new Avengers Compound under the mistaken impression that she was in some kind of trouble. Then Hawkeye offered to let Shroud join the Avengers for taking a punch so well but he declined. For some reason.

Next, the West Coast Avengers assembled to try to take down bank robber the Blank, who robbed one (1) bank before the city escalated to calling in superheroes. He also personally offended Wonder Man by escaping him but c’mon Simon, you could do better for a nemesis. Although the Blank is still a better one than the Grim Reaper. After escaping the Avengers via explosion, the Blank had Graviton pop into existence right in front of him.

In the previous issue, the West Coast Avengers help Los Angeles deal with the unseasonable winter summoned by the Casket of Eternal Winters over in the Thor book. Since Wonder Man is still bummed over the Blank, Tigra and the Shroud help him track the guy down but find out that Graviton is now the Blank’s boss. Tigra and Shroud get tossed out to the ocean along with the Blank (for being annoying) and Wonder Man is held at the bottom of a pool until he stops blubbing.

How will our heroes get out of their various water themed predicaments??

I don’t know about Wonder Man but thankfully Tigra is exceptionally good at treading water.

She has to hold up Shroud who was knocked out on impact and she activates an emergency signal beacon that’ll summon the other Avengers.

Only god and Tigra knows where she was holding that.

... Maybe pouches aren’t so bad as a costume element.

Also, Blank has gone completely missing after hitting the ocean. He doesn’t appear in the rest of this book but he’s not dead. He doesn’t have any other appearances for twenty-five years but eventually shows up in a Spider-Man #580 (also written by Stern) where he’s up to his old bank and armored car robbing and then getting in over his head with superheroes ways.

In a way you have to admire that he absolutely did not change after twenty-five years and is still doing literally everything we saw him do last issue. In another way, you have to wonder why he would move to New York when he was going to leave LA due to having superheroes.

Rob banks in the Midwest, you fool!

Anyway.

Tigra treads water until Iron Man shows up and scoops both Tigra and Shroud out of the way and wooshes them to Avengers Compound.

After dropping them off, Iron Man apparently went back and tried to find the Blank with sonar scans but couldn’t locate the dope. He speculates that he got caught up in an undertow but don’t worry. As discussed, he just goes underground for 25 years.

Iron Man wants to head off immediately and get Graviton but Hawkeye tells him to settle down.

Hawkeye is the voice of reason against the hot-heads. Its amazing where character development can take you.

Hawkeye: “I’m worried about Wondy, too... But we can’t just go smashing our way into Graviton’s lair! He’s one of the toughest guys the Avengers ever fought! The first time we went up against him, he held ten Avengers at bay... Including Wonder Man and Thor! I wasn’t there, but reading Captain America’s report on the incident made me glad I wasn’t!”

But Iron Man should know this already... he was one of the Avengers in that report.

Iron Man says he’ll need to spend more time going over the Avengers files.

Iron Man: “Iron may have fought Graviton, but I haven’t!”

Hey! Rhodey reveals his identity to the others, just like he considered doing. And just like he was afraid of, Hawkeye begins to treat him like an amateur!

Rhodey counters that he was the Iron Man during Secret Wars and did a good job saving Hawkeye’s ass during that.

But more, Rhodey’s hot-headed attitude reminds Hawkeye of himself during the kooky quartet days and wonders how Cap ever put up with him. So paying it forward, he walks back and says he was out of line to call Rhodey an amateur and that they’ll need his power to take down Graviton.

Assuming that Wonder Man is being held hostage and won’t be able to help, Hawkeye decides that the first order of business is going to need to be finding him and getting him out of whatever trouble he’s in.

For that, they’ll need to plan ahead. So Mockingbird pulls up some landsat maps and Tigra gives them the cool scoop on the layout of Graviton’s mansion.

Later, at said mansion.

Two lady escorts are whispering by the bar about what an awful creep Graviton is. Its pretty great.

Lady 1: “... He’s... certainly a striking figure of a man! But he gives me the creeps! I hate the way he paws me... I’d rather take a bath in a pool of slugs! And if you tell him I said that, I’ll call you a liar to your face!”

Lady 2: “Don’t worry! After the way he handled those super-powered party-crashers earlier, I won’t put anybody on his bad side! Assuming he has a good side! What a bore! At least he pays well!”

Its good to know that even as a super-powered guy taking over organized crime, Graviton still has absolutely no personal charisma.

There’s a wunk thwak at the door so one of Graviton’s goons goes to check it out and gets a gun shoved in his face by some new visitors.

Its popular villain Madame Masque! Head of one of the Maggia crime families! And her goon Louis!

She demands to be taken to Graviton at once and she is because would you argue with a mask with unnecessary rivets?

Madame Masque: “I heard there was new talent in the area -- working to consolidate the Southern California gangs. Talent interests me.”

Graviton: “And is that your only interest?”

Madame Masque: “No, I also love power. I’m told you’re quite a... powerful man!”

Ew.

Graviton brags about his control of GRAVITY and Madame Masque tells him he’d best watch out for the Avengers. She hears they started a new group locally and Avengers means trouble. Especially since her old enemy Iron Man is part of the new team.

He laughs off this warning because he has an Avenger at the bottom of his pool just to show off.

Graviton: “Observe... the late Simon Williams, perhaps better known to you as Wonder Man! His strength was quite remarkable, but no match for my localized gravity fields! It was a simple matter to hold him to the bottom of my pool until he ran out of air!”

RIP Wonder Man. Uh, again.

Actually Graviton mentions that even though Wonder Man has stopped blubbing, he’s still holding him to the bottom of the pool because the fool has come back to life once.

Louis, the goon, reacts in shock at seeing a dead lifeless body in the pool so Madame Masque hauls off and slaps him.

Graviton is very impressed at her management style that he begins to propose something, something salacious if I had to guess, but then some repulsors hit the pool with a KROOOSH.

In this Avengers book, an Avenger arrives to avenge.

Iron Man: “Graviton... and Madame Masque! Now, isn’t this a cozy little scene! Too bad I have to break it up!”

The armored Avengers starts aggressing at the various minions, including knocking Louis into the bushes.

Inside, the bartender takes off her bartender outfit to reveal a Mockingbird outfit underneath. I suspect that maybe this bartender is actually, in secret, Mockingbird.

She contacts Hawkeye and tells him to put phase 2 into operation.

Meanwhile, outside, Graviton uses gravity to slam Iron Man to the ground but for some reason the effort is making him feel light-headed.

Madame Masque notices and asks Graviton whats wrong but he insists that he’ll crush Iron Man but then enter Mockingbird SPANGing her stave off Graviton’s gravity shield and dunking on him.

She also reveals in thinky thoughts that as Bartender Bobbi, she drugged everyone��s drinks. Graviton still being up she attributes to him having the constitution of a moose.

Still, I’m laughing at the West Coast Avengers using their prep time to just up and drug everyone. Even if the big boss has resistance to status effects it’s a hilarious work smarter moment.

Hawkeye’s sky-cycle swoops down but Graviton just knocks it away.

In another hilarious move, that’s not Hawkeye on the Sky-Cycle.

Looks like him but it’s not.

Because ‘Hawkeye’ is a dummy and if Hawkeye came up with the idea to disguise himself as Louis, then he’s no dummy.

And if he’s ‘Louis’ then I’d bet that Madame Masque isn’t the real article either. Process of elimination leads to an obvious answer there.

But again, they put a Hawkeye dummy on a Sky-Cycle hoping Graviton would deflect it into the bushes to deliver Hawkeye’s equipment to him. Amazing!

Meanwhile, at the bottom of the pool, Wonder Man has stirred to life and has been struggling against Graviton’s power ever since Iron Man arrived. His efforts collapse one side of the pool.

Startled by that, Graviton’s concentration slips, giving Wonder Man enough of an opening to claw himself out of the pool and clobber the supervillain.

Graviton manages to cushion against the blow because, sure, gravity can do that. But then Iron Man grabs ‘Madame Masque’ and flies off to start phase three of the strategy.

The villain flies off after Iron Man, still affected by the drugs but fighting through it. Because “can’t let that Avenger make me look bad in front of her!”

Whoever decided to play on Graviton’s ego has a big brain.

Graviton hears ‘Madame Masque’ scream and swoops down to find her alone.

Because Iron Man had to do some prep.

Iron Man: “Welcome to Substation #5! They tell me that the entire southwestern power grid feeds through here! I figure that should give me enough power to beat anybody... including you! So, unless you’ve gotten smart and want to give up -- you’d better make your move, sucker!”

Graviton has not gotten smart.

But the West Coast Avengers’ plan is pretty smart.

They had Mockingbird infiltrate Graviton’s mansion and drug everybody. They had Hawkeye and a ‘Madame Masque’ show up to get Graviton to reveal where Wonder Man is, play on Graviton’s ego and libido, and I assume keep him from going wild if he has a squishy person standing next to him. And they crank Iron Man up on so many watts so he can go toe-to-toe with Graviton if he hasn’t already passed out from the aforementioned drugs.

It’s a good plan.

Probably going to cause some blackouts but... uh... look. Worthy cause?

Iron Man: This is incredible! I can feel the energy surging through my armor! There’s no sensation that even comes close to this! This is what it means to be Iron Man... this is what it means to be invincible!

Of course, Rhodey isn’t Tony. In fact, the West Coast Avengers doesn’t really have a really techy/sciencey person?

Wonder Man used to be one of Tony’s peers but he hasn’t touched science since coming back to life.

Hawkeye invented anti-gravity once but never really returned to that well.

Oh, Mockingbird has a doctorate in biology. But she’s gone full into the spy/costumed adventurer thing.

Anyway, even though Rhodey is able to blast everything Graviton throws at him, the cables he used to link to the substation can’t handle the thousands of mega-volts and begin to melt.

So just as he repulsors Graviton onto his ass, a power surge short circuits the armor.

‘Madame Masque’ runs to help Graviton but PSYCHE ITS TIGRA

She used the little cat trinket established last issue to take on her human form which looks enough like Madame Masque in the sense that she has black hair and a generically attractive body type.

Graviton manages to put up a gravity based force field and fend off attacks from Iron Man, Wonder Man, and Tigra. But knocking them away almost floors him.

Then Hawkeye and Mockingbird come Sky-Cycling by and Hawkeye shoots some tranquilizer gas arrows because, hey, why not pile on more sedatives?

Graviton brags that its a simple matter for him to increase the weight of the gas so its hugging the ground instead of his lungs.

Then he passes the fuck out.

GOOD JOB TEAM!

I honestly never thought I’d see a superhero fight end by sedating a man so much that he passed out and probably should be rolled onto his back.

The U.S. Marshals hauls away Graviton while the news shows up to interview the West Coast Avengers. But Hawkeye excuses the team saying they have another important mission to finish.

Mockingbird: “‘Important mission?’”

Hawkeye: “My barbecues are very important!”

HAH!

Yeah, the Avengers all return to Avengers Compound to finally eat Hawkeye’s steaks.

That was what was truly at stake this whole time.

Tigra says it was lucky that she was wearing a mask because she was as shocked as ‘Louis’/Hawkeye.

Wonder Man says that he can actually survive without food, water, or air but he doesn’t really enjoy it.

And Hawkeye says that just in case things had gone horribly wrong (because he’s a responsible team leader) he’d left word with the New York Avengers to assume that they were all dead if they didn’t call back by midnight.

But when he later did call back, Vision taped a congratulations message to play to the whole team.

... Vision are you so busy that you couldn’t just talk to them?

Pre-recorded Vision calls the team Avengers, cause they are. But apparently it makes Wonder Man and Tigra realize that their misgivings about deserving to be on the team have gone.

Beating up Graviton is a great ego boost.

So that’s the West Coast Avengers limited series! But like the panel says, the team is coming back for Avengers #250. The big 2 5 0, two teams!

And the team will get their own ongoing book in about a year which will go on for 102 issues. Oof. Dunno if I can keep up the two a week pace but I have a year or twelve weeks to think about it.

Follow @essential-avengers​ because West Coast Avengers! Right? Who doesn’t love a second team in a different location? The X-Men have like three or four teams, the Avengers can have two! Also like and reblog because I’d appreciate it.

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Don Dawson

(Not my gif)(requested by anonymous)

- Don and you first meet when you’re walking through the halls during class time to go deliver something for your teacher. He was ditching class with a friend when the two of you “bumped into each other” and by that I mean you passed them while they leaned against a group of lockers.

- He does a doubletake when you walk past him for the first time. He isn’t shy about his leering either, he full on turns toward you and stares. After he’s gotten a good look, he turns toward his friend, waggles his eyebrows, and tails it after you.

- It kind of spooks you a little when he comes up beside you with an enthusiastic “how ya doin!” but you smile awkwardly and greet him back. He tries to chat you up while you walk back to class; he’s kind of cute so you don’t exactly mind.

- You pause outside of your class to talk a little more but your teacher cuts your conversation short with a teasing comment to you and a cocked brow to Don. He in response starts to flirt with your teacher, earning himself a smile and giggle from you. He winks at you one last time before he disappears back into the hallway and your teacher closes the door.

- He catches you when you’re walking to your car after school and propositions you in his usual fashion. You say “yeah, no thanks” and get in your car, leaving him in the dust. It was at that moment, watching your car disappear down the road, that he decides he has to have you.

- You thought the ordeal was kind of funny so you aren’t too bothered when he approaches you while you’re out with some friends. The two of you just so happened to go to the same place with your individual friend groups. He doesnt proposition you this time, thankfully.

- Now Don, at first, just thought you were hot and was trying to shoot his shot and to weasel his way into your pants. But as he’s talking to you he realizes that he really likes you, like you’re fun to talk to and you’re really interesting. He starts to feel this connection with you that he’s never really had with anyone else.

- Even though he doesn’t want to “admit it” he forms a little crush on you. He starts to talk to and hang out with you more; making it kind of obvious that he likes you with his flirting and innuendos. And you like it, him and the attention, so when he says “Hey why don’t we go grab a bite to eat sometime.” You tell him to “name a date and you’ll be there.”

- It takes him only a few seconds to respond.

- For your first date he gets a few beers and sodas and takes you out to a field where you sit in the bed of his truck and stargaze. He goes to kiss you once or twice but you don’t let him, you know how he is with girls and want to test him a little before you give in. Either way everything goes well and you agree to go out with him again.

- Although he accepts your refusal he probably still complains to the guys that you aren’t letting him “do anything”. But your refusal is more entertaining rather than anything else, he likes you as more than a lay so it doesn’t bother too much. He’s more determined and excited than annoyed.

- For your third date you’d gone to a concert together and the two of you had your first kiss as the band played. Definitely a very memorable experience and one you’re glad to remember. After your first kiss he knew for sure that you were the one.

- For the most part you have a very playful relationship.

- A lot of nicknames although most of the time he’s joking when he uses them. Like he’ll say a bunch of them in a row to get your attention or when he’s smothering you in affection.

- A few genuine ones still slip out sometimes.

- He kind of just lets you do whatever you want to him. Put his hair in pigtails, put make up on him, do his nails, crawl all over him, climb him like a monkey, anything you want as long as the evidence can be erased or go unnoticed.

-  He loves affection and touching you and all that but he isn’t all that into pda. He likes the joking, quick funny stuff but keeps most of what he does behind closed doors unless you’re hanging around some of his good friends who also have their girlfriends there.

- He likes to lay his head in your lap and have you play with his hair.

- Lots of hugs.

- Piggyback rides.

- Double dates with Simone and Pink.

- Matching overalls.

- You’ve probably put flowers in the pocket of his overalls and he secretly finds it so precious. You’ve definitely snuck little notes in them without him knowing and when he finds them he can’t help but smile.

- Smacking his arm and giving him looks to get him to behave, you try your best to keep him out of trouble even though he makes it pretty difficult.

- He watches you a lot, especially whenever you walk away...he likes the view.

- He’s usually pretty animated and goofy, its kind of just how he is so you get to observe all of his adorable and funny quirks.

- You’re nearly always smiling or laughing when you’re with him.

- Playful flirting.

- Him trying to jokingly yet not so jokingly proposition you.

- Lewd jokes, he laughs hysterically whenever you grimace at them.

- Going to his football games and cheering him on.

- Meeting him after football practice and kissing behind the bleachers.

- Hanging out in the back of pickup trucks.

- Dawson’s kinda cool with everyone so he has a lot of friends around the school and subsequently everyones pretty friendly to you. All your friends probably like him. 

- Going to parties with him and getting invited to others just for being his girlfriend.

- He always has a beer ready for you or shares his own with you, if you’re into that sort of thing.

- Going on little adventures with him.

- Hes pretty much down to do whatever you have in mind.

- Concert dates.

- He’ll play tackle/pounce on you and start kissing all over your neck and face; he’s pretty fond of that move.

- Secret handshakes.

- He’s a good listener, he likes hearing about what’s new in your life and things that you’ve done recently.

- He hates seeing you upset; he’s not very good at comforting you but he tries to get you to forget about whatever’s bugging you.

- Play wrestling.

- If you mention wanting something he’d 100% go out and grab it for you.

- He’s got major big brother vibes, do with that what you will.

- He gets involved in a lot of crazy shit so be prepared for some killer stories. He thinks its cute when you look worried for him.

- Constant compliments.

“Looking good.”

- Making fun of each other.

- Play arguing and punching.

- Tricking you into doing something suggestive; mostly when you’re alone, he doesnt want to completely embarrass you...or give his friends a free show.

- He admits he’s an asshole so be prepared. Although to be fair a lot of his asshole behavior is just a front. He’s actually really sweet once you get to know him, especially when you’re his girl/he likes you.

- He does think its kind of funny when you get mad at him...well it depends on how mad you get and how mad you stay. If you grumpily trudge off, rolling your eyes at him in front of his friends then he’ll probably laugh and joke with them.

- A lot of “oh come on babe it was just a joke!”

- It isn’t until you really stay mad that he no longer finds it as funny. He doesn’t like fighting with you but you always inevitably do. In a fight you’ll argue for a while before he tries to just end it as painlessly as possible. At that point he isnt even really sorry nor does he think you’ve settled things, he just doesnt want to fight anymore.

“Okay, okay,okay, alright, so-”.

- Sometimes his attempts to calm things really just backfire for him, like if you feel like he isn’t really listening and just trying to brush you off. It really depends on what you’d fight with him about.

- When you’re holding a grudge he’ll make jokes and bets with his friends, condescendingly saying how you “think you’re mad at him”. He says it himself: he’s an asshole. Although in these moments a lot of his asshole behavior is just him being spiteful because he’s hurt that you won’t talk to him.

- He does know how to apologize when he’s done something wrong or upset you. Like I said he’s usually really sweet even if he doesn’t act like it sometimes. It’s the reason you can come to forgive him especially during the “trial” part of your relationship (up next).

- He flirts too much, thats always been his problem, that and he’s sort of a hypocrite about it; he thinks he can flirt with other girls but you arent allowed to flirt with other guys. He doesn’t understand the injustice but after your first really big fight and subsequent breakup; most likely where he sees you go out with another guy, he finally learns his lesson.

- He’s a pretty coolheaded guy but he definitely doesn’t like people flirting with or having a thing for you even if he’s a playboy and would usually partake in the locker room talk with them. When you came along he was kind of like “Well I’ve finally settled down and I like this one a lot so back off.”.

- He gets a lot of girls coming after him so you’ll probably get a little jealous every now and again. He tries to assure you as best as he can that he isn’t interested in them.

- He’s a football player so there’s at least a little pent up aggression in him. He’s ready to bust a lip to get a guy off your back or stop him from trying to get with you.

- He wants that nuclear family type of future, with a nice house, picket fence, and son to play catch with in the yard. He never thought he’d imagine a future with a girl before but here he is, and he... kinda likes it.

- He’s definitely dropped a “Mrs. Dawson” on you after you teasingly called him Mr. Dawson. You’d just been trying to mess with him but then he had to go and make you all flustered and giddy.

- Dawson will probably go to college on a football scholarship. Before you came along he was planning on screwing a lot of chicks but now thinks “I’d be pissed if she screwed a guy while I was gone” and stops the temptation where it starts. He comes a long way during your relationship.

- I can see him proposing to you after he gets out of college and settles down with a nice job. He’d make a personal kind of special occasion out of the proposal, something that involves a sentimental part of your relationship.

[thelordofdarkreunion]

Magnificent Scoundrels- Pariah

This was an absolute blast to write.  I find that the interactions between the different cultures and battles scenes are probably the most fun to write, in my opinion.  Here, we have more Vir and Cain.  We are introduced to Conn, so shenanigans will most definitely ensue.  I’m not quite sure if they’re the type of shenanigans you’re thinking of though...

As always, none of these characters belong to me.  Enjoy the story!

Aboard the Omen

Things had gotten better.  Tensions were much lower, thanks to Simone’s suggestion that Cain watch the Omen’s ground forces and Vir take up the Commissarial duties of the Valhallans.  Both groups seemed to be more comfortable with each other.  There were still competitions, of course, and they were still exceptionally competitive, of course, but they had lost their malevolent edge.  Much was still to be learnt, however.  Each side still retained quirks and habits that, to the other, seemed exceptionally odd.

The common Imperials were still xenophobic.  A lifetime of teachings and practice couldn’t be changed in a matter of days or weeks.  While both Vir and Cain preaching tolerance certainly helped, it did not eliminate the problem all together.  It had gone from ‘I’m going to possibly shoot you on sight’ to ‘stay out of our way and we’ll stay out of yours.’  A definite improvement, all things considered.  

There were still other oddities, as mentioned before.  Not counting the posting of armed guards, any crew member of the Omen could instantly tell where the Valhallan quarters aboard the ship were.  As benefitted ice worlders, their comfortable ambient temperature was slightly higher than freezing, and they set the air conditioning in their section of the ship to match.  Vir found himself wearing heavy winter gear when he stayed with them for extended periods.  He was also fairly certain there were a couple of them camped out in the cooling ducts, but there were no reports of damage or any mechanical problems, so he decided to let that slide.  

However, Admiral Vir and his crew were a lot better off than the Imperials, seeing as they were used to strange and occasionally egomaniacal aliens aboard their ship.  They had open minds.  

To the Imperials, everything was just so… bizzare.  It was like being in a completely other dimension.  Here, aliens and humans got along.  Talked together, fought together, laughed together.  The Admiral was not a distant figure of authority, but instead more like a wise and older friend, ready to help you along any path you chose.  Hell, the ship’s officers talked with the crew.  You could actually see them walking through the halls.  On Imperial vessels that transported soldiers, the Naval crew stayed in their area, and the infantry in theirs, with only the high ranking officers speaking to each other.  

Then there was the ship itself.  Like any proud naval personnel, the crew of the Omen liked to brag about their vessel.  Apparently, it was brand new.  Brand.  New.  Only in service for a year or more.  What kind of ship was that?  Usually, the troop ships of the Imperium were in service for centuries, if not millennia, and the Naval fighting platforms even longer.  The oldest vessel Cain had ever been aboard was the massive battleship Throne Eternal, built during the days of the Great Crusade, some ten thousand years before.  

Perhaps it was the fact that the ship was brand new, but it was so incredibly clean.  The hallways were neat and sterilized.  There was no accumulated grime.  No comforting iconography.  From the outside, the ship looked like a brick.  It was all steely grey metal.  It was so strange.  So foreign.  So distinctly… un-Imperial.

But, in the end, despite the oddities, it could be said that things were a lot more calm aboard.  And so, it was with no small amount of alarm that Admiral Adam Vir remembered that Conn was aboard the ship.

Conn was an alien, which would have already put him on the Imperial’s bad side.  But that, in and of itself, was not the problem.  You see, Conn was a starborn, quite possibly the most unusual alien species in the galaxy.  Ghostlike, they were small, white, and lived in the cold void of space.  Accustomed to the blackness, they could not survive in any areas with gravity’s pressure without external help.  But, much like an annoying infomercial, there was more.  Starborns were natural telepaths.  They could read the minds of almost any living being.  Conn in particular was quite annoying about it.  He reveled in the sensation of knowing everyone’s deepest secrets, and made no qualms about being nice about it.  Most of the crew, Adam in particular, found him, to put it mildly, extremely annoying.  He was kept around because he wasn’t truly malicious, despite indications otherwise, and his usefulness outweighed his flaws.  

Vir had a sort of… connection with Conn.  Due to an unfortunate accident that resulted in the loss of his eye, part of his brain had been skewered, making it easier for him  to communicate telepathically.  The strangest part of all of this was the fact Vir hadn’t heard from Conn the entire voyage.  That was definitely not a good thing.  Who knew what sort of mischief that could be wrought.  He was fairly certain that Conn was not missing because he was wise enough to stay hidden from the Imperials.  No.  Something else was afoot.  

So, with trepidation, he began his search.  

Conn was not in any of his usual haunts.  He wasn’t floating around annoying people, wasn’t where he usually lurked in the medical bay.  No one had seen him.  Not the engineers, the doctors, the marines, or any of the bridge crew.  How very odd.  It seemed as if no one had heard from him from the moment they had set off.  So Vir had to do it the old fashioned way: wander around the ship, thinking as loud as he could to attract Conn’s attention.

It was only when he started to go in the passageways closest to the exterior of the hull that he started to get a response.  

Conn?  Conn?  Can you hear me?  Where are you?

I can’t hear…  Emptiness.  Void.  Nothing.  Nothing.  He’s nothing.  Nothing!

Conn?  Where are you?

The darkness.  Alone.  Pain.  Can't hear voices.  Can’t hear thoughts.  

Conn!  Where are you?  What’s wrong?  I can’t help if you don’t tell me.  

Slowly, through the telepathic link, he started to see where Conn was.  Outside the vessel.  Starborn were more comfortable and could survive in space.  Conn was known to go in and out of the airlock of his own free will… but that didn’t explain why he had been there for so long.  It also didn’t explain the strange mutterings and thoughts.  

Adam?  You’re here.  You can hear me.  Good.  Not alone anymore.  Something was very wrong.  Conn was a jackass, through and through.  Vir had never heard thankfulness and relief from him before.  

Yes.  I’m here.  He tried to make the thought as reassuring as possible.  Conn, what’s wrong?  What is the problem?  

It’s him.  The closest thing to a mental hiss came with that word.  He’s nothing!  Pain.  Misery.  Alone with my thoughts!

Conn-

The void!  Blackness.  I can’t hear anything!  I can’t hear!  

Conn.  Calm down.  

Yes!  Yes.  The second yes was much more calm.  

You can’t hear others’ thoughts?  Is that it?

Yes.  A vigorous telepathic nod.  

Why?  I’ve never heard of anything like that happening before.

It’s because of him!  The thoughts were becoming hysterical again.  He snuffs it out.  He’s a void, a-

Conn!  Stay focused.  Who is he?

He- ARGHH!  The mental connection was abruptly cut as a searing pain shot through Vir’s body.  He collapsed to his hands and knees.  He felt as if he did a long time ago, wounded and feverish during the Drev War with no painkillers.  His mind was white hot, his body wracked with agony.  The edges of his vision started to turn black.  No!  Don’t pass out! rebelled some far away part of his mind.  

“Admiral!” said a voice, seemingly far away.  He focused on the voice.  Deep breaths.  Come on.  Stay conscious.  The blackness receded.  The voice got stronger.  

“Admiral, sir!  Are you all right?” asked someone hesitantly.  Vir shifted his weight to his side and clutched his head.  What the hell happened?  

“Yeah, I think I’ll be alright,” he murmured.  He shook his head to clear it of any last vestiges of pain.  “What was… doesn’t matter.”  He turned, and found himself face to face with a most unexpected individual.  Jurgen, the Commissar’s aide.  

“Good to know that you’re alright, sir.”  A grimy hand reached out and handed Vir a data pad.  “The Commissar wanted me to give you this.”  

“Ah, yes.  Personnel rosters.  Thank you, Jurgen.  I won’t take up any more of your time.”  Jurgen saluted and walked away, leaving Vir staring, perplexed, at the pad in his hands.  

Vir lay on his bed, gazing at the ceiling.  He couldn’t sleep.  The mystery of Conn’s telepathic severance was dancing through his mind.  What was he talking about?  Some sort of void…  Some strange monster, lurking in space, perhaps?  No.  Think logically.  Go through this step by step.  What do you know?  First, Conn was isolated.  There was something severing his telepathic communication.  Second, that something was a someone.  It was a he.  Third, this hadn’t happened before the Imperials had arrived on board.  Therefore, logically, this person was one of the Imperials, causing the cutting of telepathic communications and pain to anyone using them.  Okay.  Good.  We’ve established that.  Now what?  Who was doing it?  Were they even aware they were doing it?  How was it even possible to do something like that?  Some strange technology?  Possible.  That made sense.  Perhaps they had fought some telepathic aliens in their galaxy, and developed something to stop it.  

But, still.  He squirmed slightly.  How… who… what… why?  None of this made sense.  How to get to the bottom of this mystery?  He couldn’t figure it out, so perhaps someone else could.  Cain?  Cain would probably know.  But did he trust Cain?  That was an entirely different matter.  It could be on Cain’s orders.  Hell, it could be Cain himself.  Cain’s aide?  Out of everyone aboard, Vir had a nagging feeling that something was wrong with that man.  Plus, the pain had only started when Jurgen had come close to him… 

So… Jurgen, then.  Most likely suspect.  But how?  How could he find out?  Hmm…

A search of the Imperial quarters and armory yielded no results.  He wasn’t sure what he expected to find, but there was nothing out of the ordinary.  While their equipment was strange, everything he found had been earlier explained to him.  Nothing.  So either it was a device small enough to hide on a person, or it wasn’t a device at all.  Conn had said he.  Perhaps it had nothing to do with technology.  

Vir decided, therefore, to have Katie and Kril, the ship’s doctors, to test every single one of the Imperials for anything strange.  HIdden behind the facade of making sure they were disease free, they all had a physical examination done, and blood and tissue samples drawn.  It was… less than helpful.

Kril did the equivalent of a human sigh as he put down the blood readouts.  Katie was still studying them with perplexity.  

“So, did you find anything out of the ordinary?” asked Vir.  

“That’s the problem.  Everything is out of the ordinary,” replied Kril.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that- well, let me explain.  So, you know how evolution works, right?  Over time, all organic species naturally evolve.” “Yes.  And?” asked Vir.  He didn’t see where this was going.

“So, Drake gave you timelines for all of our galaxies, didn’t he?  He says, and from what I can tell, he’s right, that our timelines split somewhere around the year 2000.  Now, every single one of our galaxies is in a different time since then.  Most of the other galaxies are around the early second century C.E., in human measurements.  Ours and Drake’s are in the early fourth centuries C.E.  Cain and the Imperials are from 40,000 C.E.  Plus, none of them are from Earth, whereas most everyone else we’ve met is from Earth or from a planet close enough to Earth for the evolution tendencies not to be affected in any major way.  So, to sum up, most of them are from an ice planet 38,000 years in the future.  We have no idea what we’re seeing here.  All of these genes are very different from the human’s I’ve studied before.  I can’t tell what’s abnormal or not.  I could figure it all out, but it might take a month or more.”  Wonderful.  Vir sighed.  

“Thanks for trying Kril.  I guess I’ll have to figure this out some other way.”

Now he was back in his bed, mulling things over.  This had to stop.  He couldn’t allow Conn, annoying as he was, to suffer like this.  Conn was, after all, part of his crew.  There was no other solution.  He had to see Cain.  But, what if Cain was doing this, or it was being done on his orders?  Vir looked over to the suit of Iron Eye armor resting gently in its place.  He walked over, and started to buckle on the plates.  This had a liability to get messy.  

Cain looked up at the sharp knock on the door.  Jurgen hadn’t stopped whomever it was, so it must be Vir.  

“Come in,” he replied politely.  Sure enough, Vir walked through the door into his borrowed quarters.  “Admiral Vir.  A pleasure to see you.  What brings you here today?”  Vir shifted, slightly uncomfortable.  This was going to be awkward, at the very least.  “Would you like a drink?”

“No, thank you, though.”  He gave a slight cough.  “I wondered if I might talk to you, however.”

“Of course,” replied Cain.  “What about?”  Vir scratched the back of his neck.

“Uh, well, there’s no easy way to put this.”  He took a deep breath to compose himself.  “You see, there are some crew members that you haven’t seen before.”

“I rather had the feeling.  More… aliens, no doubt.”

“Heh.  Yes.  However, there is one in particular.  He is of a, uh, most peculiar species… well, he can read minds,” finished Vir lamely.  Cain looked up sharply from where he was sitting, fingers moving instinctively for his weapons.  

“What?”  

“Yes.  You heard me right.  However, that is not the problem,” concluded Vir.

“And what would the problem be?” asked Cain warily, his hand inching closer to his sidearm.  

“The problem is, he can’t.  There is something or someone aboard this ship that blocks his mental communications and causes him untold agony.  Now, while I personally find it annoying and distasteful to have my mind read, especially by him, he is in quite a lot of pain.  This only started when you boarded.  I’m not sure what is causing this, and I am not insinuating anything, but it has something to do with someone in your regiment, and I would like it to stop.”  Cain stared at him with a calm and considered look.  

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about, Admiral Vir.  I know nothing about aliens, so it could be something wrong with him,” he replied.

“I don’t think so,” said Vir.  “You sure you don’t know anything about this?”

“No,” replied Cain.  Vir sat up from his chair.  One more card to play.  

“Absolutely sure?  Not even anything that has to do with, say, your aide?”  Cain looked up at him, this time with a completely neutral expression on his face.  

“I’m afraid I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, Admiral.  Good day.”  Damn.  Fine.  Got to go out on a limb here.  Vir leaned over the table, his earlier expression of calm gone, replaced with the attitude he assumed around unruly subordinates.

“Don’t bullshit me, Cain.  You know what’s going on.  And I will find out eventually, with or without your help.  So if you want me to trust you, you’re going to tell me now.”  Cain sighed, stood up, walked past Vir, and locked the door.  Vir tensed, hidden Iron Eye servos whining, ready for any sudden movements.  There were none.  Cain stood face to face with Vir.  He’s tall, idly mused some unnecessary part of Vir’s brain.  Cain drew his pistol and held calmly out at his side.

“You are not going to tell anyone what is said here.  If you do, if any sort of word of this gets out in any way, I will kill you,” he said in a deadly serious tone.  He looked around, then sighed.  “My aide, Jurgen, is a blank.”  Vir gave him a look that plainly said ‘elaborate.’  Cain suddenly got a strange look in his eyes, then raised his gun a fraction.  “If his powers work on your xeno telepath… then that means it has some sort of connection to the Warp.”  The pistol came up, pointing directly between Vir’s eyes.  “So now, you are going to tell me everything.”  Vir struggled to remain calm.  Cain wasn’t going to kill him, yet.  He was fairly sure this was just another misunderstanding.  

“I don’t know anything about any Warp.  Conn is a straborn.  They are born in space, and they can read minds naturally.  That’s it.”  Cain still looked as if he were going to put down the gun, then looked up sharply again.

“Innocentia nihil probat,” he murmured.  “Jurgen!  Get in here!”  The door opened, and Jurgen stepped through.  Apparently he had the key.

“Yes, Commissar?”  Cain turned to Vir.  

“We are going to search your ship.  If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear.”  Vir opened his mouth to make an objection, which Cain forestalled with a raised hand.  “I learned a long time ago that it is better to explain too much caution than bleed for not enough.”  He put a small communications node in his ear, then keyed it.  “Colonel Kasteen, ready the regiment.  Search the entire ship for any signs of Chaotic taint.  This is a precaution, but you know what to do.”  Cain turned once more to a bewildered Vir.  “Tell your men to stand down.  If they resist, they die.”  He stepped back, then gestured towards the door.  “After you.  And, remember, our conversation was still confidential.  If you tell anyone, you die.”  

A cliffhanger.  I know.  Originally, I didn’t intend for it to end like this, but this is the way the story went and this is how this scenario would play out of the conversation actually took place.  Above all, I strive to remain as accurate as possible to how these characters would actually interact, so that is why this went the way it did.  I will have the ending to this up as soon as possible, so don’t worry!  Wherever you are, have a great day.

[romanceromp]

Okay, so I’ve been processing this amazing show, and everything about it for a couple of hours now. I’m going to try to put them into some sort of order, but it’s probably still going to be messy and yeah.... whatever. Gonna cut again, cause it’s going to be long. 

Daphne:

I was not a Daphne fan in the book. I found her very disingenuous, and quite manipulative. She manipulated Simon so much to get him to marry her. And then the dubious consent scene when he was drunk was the nail in the coffin for her...

But, the show did a really good job of rehabbing her character from the book. I actually really liked her. I found that most of the decisions she made were based on the enormous pressure she felt to have a successful debut and the find a worthy husband. She was concerned about her family’s reputation, and setting up her younger sisters for when their time came. I never really thought about that pressure while reading the book. 

Simon:

I didn’t like Simon in the book either. He was way too pig-headed, I hated that he basically abandoned Daphne, it was just all around terrible.

Rege brought such a warmth to Simon’s character. I really felt for him, and while he was still quite pigheaded, HE DID NOT ABANDON HIS WIFE. He still cared enough to stay with her. HUGE IMPROVEMENT ON THE BOOK. I just loved him. I can’t really put it into words. He was wonderful even when he was being a jerk. 

Anthony:

I understand what they were doing with Anthony. Some may view it as character assasination, but I understand it completely. As Siena said, Anthony is lost. He’s trying to emulate what he thought his father would do in every situation, but he just got it so wrong every time. I truly did feel like he thought he was doing what was best, but he just wasn’t listening to his family, which he needed to. I loved the back and forth with Violet. I think by the end he had started to turn the corner, and would be more like book Anthony in caring for his families’ wants and wishes. 

I didn’t hate the love story with Siena. To be honest, it makes more sense to me than the book story of why he didn’t want to love his wife. He had his heart broken, and his pride wounded. The normal reaction to that is to avoid love again (I’ve been there before, I wholly sympathize). But I don’t think he was truly in love with Siena, he was infatuated with her, and I think that he liked he could let down his “head of the family” guard that he always had up. He could be himself around her without being judged. I understand why he wanted to keep being with her. 

It really did set him up perfectly for the next season where he will meet Kate and his whole world will turn upside down, and he will truly understand what REAL love is. I can’t wait to watch that happen.

Benedict:

I liked the introduction to Benedict’s artist storyline. I also REALLY enjoyed the introduction to Benedict not giving a FUCK about society’s standards. It all leads quite nicely to his love story with Sophie, the lady’s maid. 😊 

I also REALLY loved the Benedict/Eloise scenes. I adored them. They are so similar, and I really loved that the show explored that and that they challenged each other. It was wonderful, and I look forward to seeing more of that in the later seasons.

Eloise:

I kinda loved Eloise’s obsession with Lady Whistledown and trying to figure out who it was. I honestly thought in the carriage scene with Benedict and Madame Delacroix that she figured out that it was Penelope, good misdirect there show. Claudia really gave such a wonderful performance. I CAN’T WAIT to see Phillip being super annoyed at her talking all the time. CAN’T WAIT. 

The Peneloise friendship was so wonderful as well. I hated that little part when they were fighting, but of course, they were always there for one another when they needed it. I adored it. 

Colin:

I’ve already mentioned on another post that I didn’t like the Marina storyline. But now, thinking about it, maybe it wasn’t that out of character for him? We all know he kind of makes snap judgments and just goes with it, as in when he decided he wanted to marry Penelope and just essentially ran in to ask for her mother’s blessing within 5 minutes of deciding. 

I did appreciate him being a sensitive soul. He really is. He would honestly do anything to help someone he cared about. 

I suppose the Marina storyline sets up the LW reveal in his and Penelope’s story, as it’s much harsher knowing that Penelope was the one to reveal Marina’s pregnancy publicly. It adds a level of drama that we didn’t have in the book. He was just jealous of Pen in the book, which was a bit weak in my opinion. 

Also, I feel like we can still get the “what is love” conversation with Daphne in his book. I feel like based on this experience he could be confused about what love really is, if he thought he loved Marina, but was wrong. I just really loved that scene in the book, so I hope they keep it.

Penelope:

I ADORED PENELOPE. Except for when she was a jealous bitch and basically ruined her and her sister’s future by revealing Marina’s pregnancy. That was 100% out of character, as we know Penelope wouldn’t have done anything to ruin her family. They will definitely need to do some character rehabbing for that particular plot point in the future. 

But seriously, Penelope’s heartbreak absolutely shattered me. Nicola played it SO WELL. She cried, I cried. It was hard to watch. And to be honest, at the end when she was crying after looking out the window, I thought she was crying because Colin was leaving, and I completely forgot that her father had just died. Lol. I honestly believe she was crying more for Colin than her father. 

Anyways, Penelope still has my heart. I just wanted to hug her for 90% of her scenes. Don’t worry Pen, your time will come. 

Violet:

Violet was wonderful. I also really loved that they had Daphne tell her how terrible it was that she didn’t give a proper birds and bees speech to her prior to her marriage. I think this sets up Violet to prepare the other girls better for their marriages. 

I loved that she went toe-to-toe with Anthony a lot. He needed to be put in his place, a lot, and she did. It was wonderful. 

She was just in general the matriarch that we all came to love in the books. I think she really grew as a mother over the season as well. 

Other thoughts:

Nigel being the villain in the first half was shocking and such a departure from the books. Not sure I loved that choice.

Cressida’s hair crowns were wild, and distracting.

I LOVE QUEEN CHARLOTTE. I NEED A SPIN OFF LIKE YESTERDAY.

I’ve said this in another post, but Prince Friedrich’s storyline was unrealistic, and yes, I know it’s fantasy world, but it still was a reach, and wasted potential Daphne/Simon development time.

I loved seeing Sir Phillip and setting up that story. Are they going to make the twins older though? Are they going to move up Eloise’s story? So many questions remain from that plot point. Also, he is hot and can GET IT. Yum.

Lady Danbury was almost as regal as the Queen, and I LOVED her women’s only gambling party. It is 100% in character, and I wanted to go to that party. I also loved the mother role she took with Simon, and boy did he need her. I’m so glad she plays a role in each book, I need more of her.

Daphne’s speech at the end of the ball in the rain made me cry so much. It was beautiful. Phoebe did such a great job with it. I loved that both she and Simon got a monologue to explain how much they care and love one another, and that they were at different times. 

Overall, I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. I need season two ASAP. It’s going to suck waiting another year or more for it. I’m still fairly convinced we will see a season two. They just set up so much for future seasons, I don’t see why they wouldn’t continue the show.

[khunvegas]

For @tothetrashwhereibelong because this mess deserves to be in this hellsite too lol this post  was the catalyst, my trigger.

Read on AO3    (includes images ;)

---

There is something to be said about the lengths a man would go to woo another man and Alec is sure as hell not going to think about it twice. He’s going above and beyond to woo this particular man.

Magnus Bane, the shy fortune teller that crashed the Mad Hatter Party a few weeks ago. Alec likes beautiful thing and Magnus checks all the boxes but as beautiful as he is, the man is very slippery and Alec barely had the chance to get a name because he could disappear.

But it doesn’t matter. Alec likes challenges— as a party planner, he knows all about challenges and last-minute changes— and Magnus Bane proves to be a challenge worth trying.

Nothing prepared Alec to find Magnus’ Instagram account; he was elated. There were no pictures of the man in question, just about his business and the name of it but that didn’t stop Alec to keep pursuing him. With just a follow he was one step ahead and it was just a matter of time until he could catch the man’s attention.

Wooing requires patience and Alec is all about patience when beautiful men are involved.

He can’t be too straightforward but also not too distant. He knows the moves, he knows what to do and most importantly, he’s not letting this man go.

“I haven’t seen you this glued to your phone since Lady Gaga announced Born This Way. What’s going on?” Simon asks next him, amusement in his voice.

“Excuse you. That song was a hit. Shut up,” Alec grumbles. He doesn’t have to look to know that Simon is rolling his eyes; the man in his screen is more important.

“He found a new beau,” Maia butts in and this time, Alec looks up to see her waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

He narrows his eyes while hearing Simon choking on his cereal. “Are you dating again? Since when?”

“That’s the best part,” Maia says, smiling, before Alec could chime in, “he’s been moping around and he hasn’t even said hi to the man. It’s kind of adorable, actually.”

Alec keeps his eyes narrowed and shook his head. “I’m waiting for the perfect moment, okay? This is important.”

So, yes. Ever since he found Magnus on Instagram, he hasn’t said anything yet. Not because he doesn’t have anything to say but because he’s waiting. Alec is not a creep and he’s not going to send something to him if Magnus doesn’t remember him. There has a to be a moment of recognition from the party, a few likes to his photos and then a follow.

It’s a process, a lot of patience, perfectly executed photos and subtle likes here and there so he doesn’t come off as desperate.

He’s desperate but Magnus doesn’t have to know that.

“How is that going?” Simon asks, his gaze fixed on him. Alec knows his friend and his waiting for an opening to give him shit about his process.

“Well, it’s going…” Alec trails off and Simon raises one eyebrow and smirks, like the fucker knows that this is going pretty slow.

He’s going to shut him up again when he hears the notification sound coming from his phone; looking down he sees that it’s from Instagram and if he’s being honest with himself, his heart stopped for a hot minute.

themagnusbane liked your post

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Everybody shut up!”

Simon throws him a weird look. “No one was talking. What–”

“Shut up. He’s online! I have to post a shirtless picture.” He’s scrolling down his pictures. He needs to find the perfect one, something very aesthetic-like because he’s not basic and he doesn’t just have shirtless pictures.

But this one already caught Magnus’ attention, so he doesn’t want to fuck his opportunity here.

“Alec, what the fuck?” Maia asks.

“I have a limited window to work here.” He’s still scrolling, this has to be perfect. No mistakes here. “It has to be perfect, Maia.”

Alec has no other choice but to rely on the Thirst Bait folder, a folder that is only designed for Magnus. Did he take a bunch of pictures ever since he found him on Instagram? Yes. Are those shirtless? Absolutely. Alec is not ashamed of his body and he’s going to use it to grab attention, sue him.

A little more scrolling and there. The perfect picture.

Some editing here and there, no caption because he wants the attention to be on the picture and post. He puts his phone down, waiting for the amazing sound of another notification while enduring Simon and Maia’s weird look after that outburst.

Again, he’s desperate.

“We don’t even know who this man is. Are you–”

Whatever Simon was going to say was cut off by another notification sound and Alec took his phone, smiling at it.

themagnusbane liked your post

It’s working. Fuck, yes!

He stood up, still looking at his phone and went to his room but not before hearing a “You could just flirt with him directly” from Maia, which Alec responds with a “don’t tell me how to live my life!” over his shoulder.

And after that, over the next few days, Alec post more of him now that it seems Magnus is online more often and whenever he posts a picture of his back and shoulders, Magnus likes those immediately.

Of course, he talks to the man. No time to waste and is then that Magnus admits that he has a thing for hands. Alec doesn’t really remember how they got to that subject— they talk every day all day now— well, okay, he does remember. Magnus said that since he reads hands, he had seen a couple of hands that were beautiful. Alec wasn’t going to judge. In fact, Alec went ahead and send a picture of his own hands and may he say, it was a hit.

Alec is proud. Patience has its fruits. Now he just has to find the moment to ask the man on a date.

 **

 Magnus promised himself that he would stay low and keep his head on his business but his brain is a treacherous thing and the moment Alexander found him on Instagram, Magnus was weak not to take a look.

And what a sight.

Alexander looked good that day when he crashed the party but nothing prepared him to what he saw on his account.

The shirtless pictures are something to behold. Tentatively, he liked one, thinking Alexander wouldn’t see it and color him impressed, because it seemed that it caught the other’s attention.

And then it was a barrage of Alexander, Alexander, Alexander on his feed, gradually, but it was enough for Magnus to want.

He’s a warlock, for fuck’s sake, he shouldn’t be wanting a mundane but, God, Alexander might be the exception at this point. His body was clearly made by the angels but the hands were a sin because that triggered a whole another part of his needs that Magnus is almost embarrassed to think about.

Alexander’s hands on his throat, right there on this pulse point; on his waist, keeping him in place on the bed; his hands his inner thighs, forcing him to open his legs even more, his fingers inside him, his fingers on his mouth. Alexander’s hands griping his hair, forcing him to stretch his neck and giving him more space to abuse the tender skin, right there where his neck meet his shoulder.

His hands everywhere.

Yes, he had fantasized about it. It was fine, though, because he was not going to indulge on those fantasies and it’s not like Alexander would ask him on a date anytime soon. It’s a mystery to him that he sent that picture, now that he’s thinking about it.

“You’ve been online lately,” Raphael commented nonchalantly.

“Well, you see, Alexander…”

Raphael raises an eyebrow. “Still with that?”

“I’m still thinking if this is worth it.” Because if he’s going to risk the safety of his life for whatever this is that could potentially turn into something else in the romantic spectrum, he needs to think about the cons and pros. “It’s too early to say.”

“It’s not that I’m interested in your romantic life but you’ve been dragging this for a month. I’m annoyed.”

Magnus turns to send him friend the nastiest look he can muster, to which Raphael only reply with a shrug of his shoulders.

But he’s right. As much as he likes staring at Alexander’s abs— and he likes to do that very much— there’s got to be a point when he says enough is enough and just take a leap. He might be old and jaded but he still can sense when someone is interested in him and Alexander looks like he’s interested.

The problem is Magnus can’t seem to gather the courage to ask the man out, mostly afraid that he’s going to get rejected in the end. It’s what happens when he’s been out of the relationship business for too long.

“I do want to take this to the next step–” There’s a groan of disgust coming from Raphael and well, okay. Point taken. He does want to take that step too but he will keep the details to the minimum– “not that step. I meant a relationship. If that’s something he wants.”

Raphael glances at him and Magnus can already see the gears turning in that head of his but before Raphael can say anything— probably that he’s being stupid— there’s a chime from his phone.

And lo and behold, it’s a text message from Alexander. Somewhere along the barrage of messages on Instagram, they decided that the best course of action was to swap numbers and well, Magnus is delighted with that decision.

Because Alexander is asking him out. On a date. In his house.

Magnus is on cloud 9. Elated.

“If you keep smiling like that, your lips will get stuck,” Raphael mumbles but Magnus can’t be bothered. He’s happy.

 **

 After one amazing date that won’t end in bed because it’s too early for that, as much Magnus wants, it’s time to say goodbye. Magnus feels like when he had his very first date those decades ago: the butterflies, the giddiness, the I-can’t-stop-smiling feeling. It’s all surreal but so perfect.

“I really had a great time,” Magnus says, looking up. He had forgotten the few inches Alexander had on him but it doesn’t change anything. In fact, that gives him the advantage to look at those clear, hazel eyes.

Magnus could write sonnets about them.

Alexander smiles at him, shuffling a little closer. “I had a great time too,” he says. They are standing closer to the door but none of them move to open the door or to move.

In fact, Magnus might have moved a little closer, enough that he can smell Alexander’s cologne and the aftershave. It’s intoxicating and Magnus just wants to latch on his neck and stay there for the rest of the night.

Alexander looks at him, like he’s searching for something. Magnus just wants for him to take the leap for both of them because he doesn’t feel like he’s strong enough to get rid of the few inches between them and finally kiss those lips that has been on his dreams since that party a month ago.

Alexander’s eyes drift from his lips to his eyes, then back to his lips. “I might sound way too straightforward but… Can I kiss you?”

Yes. Everything you want. Yes. Magnus nods, not finding his voice.

But he doesn’t need it because from one second to the next, Alexander is tilting his head back and kissing him thoroughly, like Magnus has never been kissed before. A nip on his bottom lip has Magnus groaning, opening his mouth for Alexander. Big hands come to rest on his hips, drawing him closer to Alexander’s, giving him the opportunity to feel the hard planes of his body.

That body that Magnus has been dying to touch, to feel, to taste. Nothing compares.

When they, sadly, break the kiss for much needed air, Magnus takes a few seconds before opening his eyes just to bask in the glory of how that kiss felt. The first thing that he sees is Alexander smiling at him and Magnus can’t help but to giggle. After way too many years on the low, he can honestly say that this was the most exciting thing he has done and he can’t wait to see where this goes.

“I was hoping you would do that,” Magnus whispered, still in that closeness they have.

Alexander shrugs, keeping his hands right on Magnus’ hips, grounding him. “You know what they say,” and the smile turns mischievous, “patience is key.”

Alexander dives in again and Magnus meets him in the middle.  

------

(buy me coffee?) 

[awhitehead17]

Everything’s Out Of Control

Chapter 4 / Previous Chapter

Also on AO3

Enjoy! :D

It’s undeniably awkward between them as Alec shows him how to work the shower. Tim tries to not pay too much attention to the tense atmosphere around them as he listens to the man’s instructions. It seems simple enough, he’s pretty sure he can work it.

“So that's it. Magnus said there’s clothes for you in the bedroom and for your friend when he wakes up.” Alec tells him stepping away from the shower and looking at him. “I have work that needs to be done, though I be around if you need me at all.”

Tim nods in understanding. “Yeah, okay. Thank you.”

Alec gives him a nod before turning and walking out of the bathroom. Tim blinks at his departure, trying to wrap his head around that awkward interaction. Obviously there was tension between the two of them, Tim doesn’t know what he’s done to offend Alec, then again having a stranger stay in your home is enough to put anyone on edge. It probably doesn’t help that Tim is a stranger from a different world.

Before getting into the shower Tim heads back to the bedroom he’s been allocated. He instantly sees the new piles of clothes on the desk that hadn’t been there before as well as his utility belt. Tim is surprised to see his possession but is grateful for it nonetheless, Magnus must have put it there at the same time as the clothes. The rest of his suit is still missing, but at least he’s got the most important thing back.

After grabbing the clothes intended for him, Tim checks on Kon. His best friend’s still asleep in the same position Tim had left him in. For a moment Tim debates on whether he should wake Kon up or not, however in the end he decides against it. Kon needs to rest, after everything that had happened, he deserves it at least.

Tim heads for the bathroom and turns the shower on, letting out a long sigh as the hot water hits his body. While he mechanically washes his hair and body, his mind reels at 100 mph, thinking over recent events.

This world is nothing like his own. He’s so out of his element. Usually he’s more controlled than this, knows how to adapt to the environment around him, knows what to do and when and if that doesn’t work then at least he has a backup plan.

Here however, nothing. He has no control over anything and it terrifies him. Not only that, but both he and Kon almost got killed in literal minutes of entering this world. It’s pure coincidence that the man they were looking for happened to be the one to save them.

Eventually he steps out of the warm shower and dries off before changing into the new clothes. A simple black t-shirt and grey sweatpants. Tim is both surprised and not when he finds they fit him perfectly. He bundles his own clothes up and heads for the bedroom again.

He watches Kon for a moment, trying to decide on what to do. He knows Alec is around but he would rather give the man some space, also he said he had work to do and Tim didn’t want to interrupt that. Tim still didn’t want to wake Kon because his friend needed the rest therefore leaving Tim to his own devices.

His utility belt catches his attention again and Tim decides on what he’s going to do to kill some time. Quietly settling down at the desk, he begins fiddling and sorting out his belt. He's making sure everything was still in order, that none of his weapons or gadgets were missing and that everything’s still working as it’s supposed to.

As Tim plays with his belt, he loses track of time. He’s only brought away from his task when a knock from the door gets his attention. Tim looks up as Alec enters the room. The man eyes him at the desk then at Kon’s still sleeping form.

He looks back at Tim, “It’s been a few hours, would you like something to eat or drink? I know you didn’t eat anything at breakfast.”

Tim is taken back by the offer. When he doesn’t respond Alec continues speaking, unperturbed by his silence. “Has he woken up yet? Or has anything changed?”

“No he hasn’t woken up yet,” Tim says glancing at Kon, “I’ve just let him sleep, figuring he needs it. Should I be worried that he’s been asleep for this long?”

Alec shakes his head. “Not really, getting healed by magic and even recovering from a demon wound can really take it out of the body. It can be a long healing process. If he’s still asleep by the time Magnus returns then Magnus can check him over.”

Tim mutely nods. Of course he’s worried about Kon, but again this is something he can’t control, he doesn’t know the ins and outs of recovering from a demon wound or whatever, he’s currently useless to Kon.

“Come on,” Alec says starting to walk back out of the bedroom, “If I don’t feed you then Magnus will have my head.”

Tim sighs and almost reluctantly follows the man out of the room. It’s true he hasn’t eaten but he doesn’t know if he’s actually feeling hungry or not.

They head to the kitchen and Tim settles down at the table as Alec moves about the room. He brings over a couple plates of food and a mug full of coffee for Tim before joining him at the table. Tim notices that some of the food in front of him was from the breakfast spread earlier along with a sandwich.

The two of them sit at the table and eat their lunches in silence. Tim doesn’t mind it, as it once again allows him to get lost in own thoughts, meanwhile Alec’s focus was on some paperwork he had brought to the table with him.

About halfway through lunch, Tim excuses himself from the table to go to the toilet. When he returns it’s to hear Alec on the phone. Instead of returning to the table, Tim hangs back and silently observes the man speaking.

“-and why did you feel the need to call me? Seriously Jace? By the angel, you can handle that on your own! Don’t blame me for your own mistakes and don’t try to drag Izzy into this mess either.”

There’s a long pause and Tim has to hold back a smirk when he sees Alec roll his eyes. It was rather comical to see the action performed by the man.

“Enough. You know, this behaviour makes me wonder how you would survive without me. Uh huh, sure Jace.”

There's a second pause and suddenly Alec’s eyes go wide in a panicked sort of way.

“Don’t put her on the phone! Jace. Jace!” Alec then lets out a long defeated sigh. “Hi Izzy. I don’t know, probably tomorrow. Magnus has some clients he needs to see and I’m not going to leave two strangers lone in his apartment, even if one of them is unconscious. They’re fine Iz. I don’t know, the sooner we can help them and then return them back to their world the better.”

Tim finds it amusing how Alec’s tone of voice goes from being exasperated to concerned to annoyed and back to being exasperated again. It makes him wonder why it seemed to familiar, the fondness mixed with annoyance.

“No you don’t need to come over. No! The less people they meet the better, you do not need to get involved. They’ll be fine, Magnus and I are perfectly capable of looking after a couple of teenagers even if they are from a different world. You wound me Izzy. Definitely not, you are not bringing Simon over no matter how much he wants to meet multidimensional travelling teenagers. No. Right that’s it I’m hanging up. Bye.”

Tim watches as Alec drops the phone down onto the table and rubs a hand over his face. He chooses that moment to re-enter the kitchen and make his presence known. “That sounded like a heavy conversation.” Tim comments sitting down.

Alec sighs again and rolls his eyes. “It’s my siblings, unable to look after themselves as usual.”

It suddenly clicks on why his behaviour seemed familiar. It’s the way Dick sounds after he's had to deal with his sibling’s nonsense. It’s an older brother thing apparently.

Tim continues eating his lunch. “How many siblings do you have?”

Alec glances at him before looking at his papers again. “I have three but it always feels like I have more.”

Tim couldn’t help but snort in agreement. “I know exactly what you mean.”

“Oh yeah? How many do you have?”

“Technically; four adopted brothers, one adopted sister and a very close extended family. I think there’s like nine of us in total.” There’s a sudden tightness in his chest as he thinks about his family back home. He tries to not dwell on it, he’s sure he’ll be seeing their annoying faces again soon enough.

“Oh wow. Big family then,” Alec comments surprised. “I have one sister and two brothers.”

Tim smiles, at least there’s similar between the two of them. “Despite how much of a pain in the ass they all are, I wouldn’t trade them for anything.”

Alec nods like he agrees. That’s when their conversation dies off, Alec continues with his paperwork while Tim finishes off his lunch. Once he's done eating he gets up and takes his plate, as well as Alec’s, to the sink to wash them up.

He washes the dishes in silence and puts them on the drying rack to dry out. When he turns back around he finds Alec watching him from his position at the table, the man meets his gaze steadily, though the corners of his lips turn down in a small frown. “I don’t mean to be rude, but how old are you? You seem young and have an awful amount of scars.”

Tim blinks at the suddenness of the question, unexpecting Alec to jump straight to the point. After a moment he sighs and wonders back to his chair at the table, he should have seen this coming to be honest. He is covered in scars, his arms, knuckles, hands and even his neck.

“I’m eighteen.” He says curtly. He refuses to look at the older man as he fiddles with his own fingers. “The scars are just part of the job.”

Even though he’s not looking at the man, he can certainly feel the heaviness of his stare on him. Alec’s looking at him like he's a wounded puppy or something. It irritates Tim in a way he hadn’t expected. The scars are part of the job, it’s what happens and he learnt a long time ago to accept that.

“What kind of job do you do?” The man questions him curiously.

His first instinct is to refuse telling him, again about those secret identities but for some reason Tim pushes those feelings to the side and opens up to the man. He outlines his nightly activities in Gotham, explaining the cruelty of the city to this man (however keeps everyone else’s names out of it.)

Alec silently nods as he follows Tim’s speech, like he understands all of the fighting and reason behind his duties and why he does what he does. To Tim it almost feels like it’s refreshing in a way.

As he finishes up he shrugs helplessly, “It’s my life really. I take each day at a time and continue to fight where I can.”

“Circumstances may be slightly different, but I know how you feel,” Alec says sympathetically. “Being raised and having to train every day to prove yourself and fighting each day to make the world a better place and to protect those closet to you. It’s a lot to take on.”

Tim hums. “You said you were a… shadowhunter? What does that entail?” This is another opportunity to find out more about this world and the differences it has.

“Well, shadowhunters are people who are born with angel blood. Our job is to maintain peace in what we call the Shadow World and keep it hidden from mundanes.”

Tim blinks at that information. That’s very different than just dressing up in a load of armour and fighting criminals.

“Our angelic blood allows us to have different abilities, these come through our runes,” Alec sits up straighter and spreads his arms, with a hand he gestures to all of the tattoos visible on his pale skin. Tim hums in acknowledgment, so that's what the tattoos are, they actually mean something and not just because the guy likes weird symbols all over his body. “We fight things like demons, help keep peace between the downworlder’s such as vampires, werewolves, faeries and warlocks.”

Tim listens with rapt attention as Alec goes on explaining about the world he lives in. It’s extremely interesting to find out that all of these species actually exist and aren’t just made up myths. Now that Tim’s had some time to digest the knowledge, he finds it fascinating.

The two of them talk about their worlds for a while, they simply chat at the table comparing stories. However their pleasant chat has to come to an end when Alec says he needs to finish off his paperwork. Tim feels slightly guilty for completely side-tracking the man, Alec sees his poorly concealed expression and waves it off with a laugh.

Leaving Alec to get on with his work, Tim decides to go check on Kon to see if his best friend has finally woken up yet. As he gets up from the table the older man sends him a curious look, “you said you knew multiple forms of combat, want to do some training later?”

The unexpected question makes Tim pause, he turns his gaze on Alec thinking about it. He soon smiles, “sure, sounds like you have enough skill behind you too, I think it’ll be an interesting match.”

Tim turns away before Alec could respond, he figures getting in some training wouldn’t hurt anyone. Also sparring against someone different will be refreshing, he’s so used to training with his family that someone else with an entirely different approach to combat will make it unpredictable and challenging.

Kon’s still asleep when Tim enters the room. Closing the door behind him, Tim studies his best friend who was still deeply asleep on the bed, this time however Kon is now on his other side, clutching a pillow with one arm while his head rests on the other.

Unable to help himself, Tim stands there staring at his sleeping friend. He takes in the way Kon looks so relaxed and young like there hadn’t been anything wrong in his life. His best friend has been through hell and back and yet he continues to fight every day, that’s something Tim loves about him.

Tim shakes his head to get rid of those thoughts and strolls over to the bed. He gently sits down on the edge, ignoring the urge to simply staddle Kon and kiss him awake, and reaches out to shake Kon’s shoulder. The Kryptonian’s been asleep for a long time and Tim wants to make sure there is nothing wrong despite what Alec has said.

After a few moments of shaking Kon finally stirs. Tim holds back a laugh as he lets out a long groan and buries his face further into his arm.

“Kon get up.”

“Five more minutes…”

“You get five seconds before I’m getting the water.” Tim threatens with a smile.

Kon lets out another groan but does push himself up into a sitting position and with amusement Tim watches as his friend wakes up, as his mind starts trying to clear the fog that’s come over his brain. He sees the exact moment Kon seems to remember all of the current events that have happened to them, he shoots a wide-eyed look at Tim.

“What the hell happened dude? I don’t remember – everything’s just so hazy – how the hell…” Kon rattles off dozens of unfinished questions before quickly throwing off the bed covers and standing up. He looks down at himself, twisting this way and that, obviously looking for a wound on his immaculate skin.

Not seeing anything seems to make Kon go into a frenzy of panic. “What the hell! What attacked us Tim? How did we escape? Where are we? How am I not dead?”

Tim sighs and gets up, he walks around so he's facing Kon and pushes his friend down onto the bed, keeping a hand on his shoulder to help ground him.

This time Tim knows he can help, in this situation he isn’t useless because he has the answers, he has the knowledge that can help clear up some of the uncertainty. He looks Kon dead in the eyes and makes sure he has his attention. “Kon listen to me. A lot has happened recently, I’ve just mostly wrapped my head around it but I can explain it all.”

Kon takes a deep breath and lets it out, nodding at Tim’s words. “Yeah, yeah, okay. I trust you. Please just tell me what’s going on and what happened.”

Unexplainable feelings explode inside of Tim as Kon declares his trust in him. It warms him to know that Kon still, even after all of this time, trusts him no matter what.

Settling on the bed opposite Kon, Tim begins to describe everything to Kon. It takes a while with the occasional interruption when Kon has a question but Tim is able to get Kon up to speed with all of the information on this world and of what happened to him.

“Jesus Tim, that’s a lot man…” Kon sighs looking resigned.

Tim hums, having already accepted that. “Yeah, this place is certainly different.”

“I’m sorry you had to endure that on your own Tim. I should have been awake with you, not leaving you alone to deal with them….”

Tim’s taken back by Kon’s apology. It takes a moment for him to even respond to it because he has to try and work out why Kon is even apologizing to begin with.

“Why are you sorry? You did nothing wrong, if anything I should be the one apologizing! After all I was useless and unable to help you from getting wounded. If Magnus hadn’t been there, you, and even me, would be dead.”

Kon’s head snaps up and he pierces Tim with a look. “Don’t. Don’t even bother Tim. None of this is your fault, me getting injured isn’t your fault, not having any idea on what to do isn’t your fault either. We’re in a world that is completely different to ours, despite the warnings nothing could have prepared us for what we faced in that alley Tim. I know you like to know everything and have plans for your back up plans but even you couldn’t have predicted what was going to happen.”

His words are meaningful but they still make Tim scowl and look away shamefully. He’s been trained to be better than this. Kon almost died and that’s just something Tim couldn’t take lightly. Of course he can’t handle seeing anyone he loves hurt, but Kon’s different. He literally wouldn’t survive if he loses Kon a second time.

A soft sigh grabs his attention and before he knows it, he’s being pulled off the bed and into a hug. Kon’s arms encase him and Tim finds himself unable to resist the embrace. Tim wraps his own arms around Kon’s torso and rests his head against Kon’s neck, accepting the comfort his friend is giving him. The hug may not drive off the negative and self-loathing thoughts, but it helps him to remember that Kon is alive and currently there with him.

The hug lasts longer than what it probably should have, but neither of them seem to mind and both seem reluctant to pull away. Eventually they do and only because of the sound Kon’s stomach makes.

Kon laughs and leans away from Tim looking at him sheepishly. “Sorry. I guess it’s been a while since I last ate, is there any food here I can have? Also is there a shower while I think about it? I want to clean up a bit.”

Tim smiles and nods. “Yeah there is. I can ask Alec to get something for you now you’re up. There is also a shower you can use yes, they had no problem with me using it so you should be fine.”

It’s as he finishes talking that Tim realises how close the two of them were still standing. Tim even still has an arm wrapped around Kon and one of Kon’s arms around his neck from where they hadn’t fully pulled apart from the hug.

Embarrassment rises inside of Tim and he quickly steps backwards out of Kon’s hold. Feeling his face go hot, he turns around and looks for something to distract him and seeing the clothes intended for Kon on the desk is enough.

Tim goes over and grabs them, using the small amount of time to get control of his emotions again. By the time he turns back to Kon he thinks he’s calmed down enough. “Here, Magnus said these were for you. If you have a shower first then I can get you some food. I’ll show you where the bathroom is.” Tim hands Kon the clothes and heads out of the bedroom with Kon on his heels.

Like Alec had done to him earlier, Tim shows Kon how to work the shower and leaves him to it. Upon leaving the bathroom in order to find Alec to ask about food for Kon, Tim tries to clear his thoughts before he starts overthinking everything that’s just occurred between him and Kon. Now wasn’t really the time to start over analysing his friendship with Kon, there were more important things to be dealing with rather than his feelings for his best friend.

[pizzaintheuk]

About two month ago started a new Sims 4 account which has a Hetalia character as townies. I don’t have all the packs for Sims 4 but I do use a lot of Mods to do this. Most of the house building I found online.

Each household has background and drama which was fun the think about. I have written over 10 pages of notes for this town so enjoy.   

Luper Family

Boris Luper (Bulgaria) - CHILD, VAMPIRE Traits – Cheerful/ Aspiration – Whiz Kid  

Vladimir Luper (Romania) - ADULT, VAMPIRE Traits – Good, Cheerful, Family- Oriented/ Aspiration – Good Vampire

Mai - (Cat) Traits – Affectionate, Clever, Friendly

Vladimir (Vlad) adopted Boris because of his vampire powers

They took Mia in as most people think black cats are unlucky

Vald doesn’t need the money but has a part time job at a coffee shop

Vlad and Arthur have afternoon tea once a month

Vlad wants Boris to be creative so he started playing the violin

Positive atmosphere in the house

Vlad will cook for Boris as he can still eat human food however not very good

Vlad is a good vampire

Vlad hobby is annoying Elizabeta  

Boris talks to Mia when Vlad goes out

Oxenstierna Family  

Berwald Oxenstierna (Sweden) - YOUNG ADULT Traits – Family – Oriented, Bookworm, Perfectionist/ Aspiration – Successful Lineage

Simon Oxenstierna (Denmark) - YOUNG ADULT Traits – Bro, Goofball, Self- Assured/ Aspiration – Fabuluosly Wealthy

Tino Oxenstierna (Finland) - YOUNG ADULT Traits – Good, Goofball, Cheerful/ Aspiration – Soulmate

Lukas Bondevik (Norway) - YOUNG ADULT/MAGIC Traits – Family- Oriented, Love Outdoors, Bookworm/ Aspiration – Purveyor of Polions

Emil Bondevik (Iceland) - TEEN Traits – Gloomy, Loner/ Aspiration - Angling Ace

Charlotte (Dog) Traits – Jumpy, Smart, Independent

Berwald and Tino are married, Simon is in a relationship with Lukas and Emil is Lukas brother.

Berwald and Simon are brothers but 90% they can’t agree to anything which leave them fighting over stupid things. For example TV remote, who cleaning up and food shopping

Simon is a Manager of a top end company, to bad he to lazy to move out.  

Everyone love Charlotte that the dog get the best treats and love.

Emil keep to himself and hide in the bedroom. No one know he seeing someone 😛

Lukas is over protective with Emil

Tino is a stay at home mum so he does most of the cleaning which Lukas help out using magic

Berwald my find it difficult expressing himself with words but he good at writing it down. His works as a writer.

Simon my be a pain but always help out with bills  

Tino take any holiday seriously!

Wang Family  

Yao Wang (China) - ADULT Traits – Materialistic, Family- Oriented, Foodie/ Aspiration – Master Chef

Kiku Wang (Japan) - TEEN Traits – Genious, Geek/ Aspiration – Computer Whiz

Li Xiao Wang (Hong Kong) - TEEN Traits – Creative, Gloomy/ Aspiration – Musical Genius  

Im Yong Wang (South Korea) - CHILD Traits – Goofball/ Aspiration – Artistic Prodigy

Lin Yi Wang (Taiwan) Traits – Cheerful/ Aspiration – Rambunctious

Pochi (Dog) Traits – Loyal, Smart, Adventurous  

Yao work as a Chef  

Lin Yi wanted a dog for a very long time so Yao after work went and bought a dog so she can shut up.  

Yao favourite is Kiku because of his talent this make Li Xi jealous.  

Yao too old to deal with drama.

Every meal everyone must come to the table and sit together as a family

Lin Yi and Im Yong are trouble maker when bored.

Kiku goes to see Alfred for game night

Lin Yi love flowers  

Li Xiao goes to Emil for emotional support

Yao helps other household with meals

Belischmidt Family  

Gilbert Belischmidt (Prussia) - ADULT Traits – Family –Oriented, Self- Assured, Dog Lover/ Aspiration – Friend of the Animals

Ludwig Belischmidt (German) - TEEN Traits – Active, Bookworm/ Aspiration –Academic

Aster (Dog) Traits – Smart, Couch Potato, Friendly

Blockie (Dog) Traits – Adventurous, Active, Independent

Berlitz (Dog) Traits – Sleuth, Couch Potato, Friendly  

Gilbert work as a manual laborer great at his job and the people love him

Francis or Antonio will walk into the house at random times

All dogs are well behaviour and won't hurt anybody

Ludwig can be shy when near to Feliciano

Every Sunday they have a father and son time which include playing football or watch TV

Gilbert is trying to give up drinking because one time he got so drunk Ludwig had to help him get home.

Gilbert and Elizabeta are rivals with who can do the most push ups  

Ludwig very close to his dad will ask about anything

Gilbert want more dogs in the future

Ludwig need to relax than worry what other people will think about him 

Edelstein Family  

Roderick Edelstein (Austria) - ADULT Traits – Snob, Lazy, Music Lover/ Aspiration – Musical Genius  

Elizabeta Edelstein (Hungary) - ADULT Traits – Active, Good, Cat Lover/ Aspiration – Bodybuilder

Feliciano Edelstein (North Italy) - TEEN Traits – Creative, Art Lover/ Aspiration – Painter Extraordinaire  

Buffi (Cat) Traits – Affectionate, Friendly, Lazy

Roderick work as a professional pianist

Elizabeta is a stay at home mum but gets bored so she goes to the gym or babysit other children round the area

Felliciano has a twin brother (Lovino) but got kick out over a disagreement with the father

Elizabeta still upset about Lovino but Roderick won't speak to him

Elizabeta and Feliciano cook together  

Buffi is the best hot water bottle  

Roderick will drop dead if he has to clean  

Feliciano spend 65% of the time napping

You can tell what mood Roderick by the way he plays on the piano

There is always music playing in the house

Carriedo Family  

Antonio Carriedo (Spain) – ADULT Traits – Childish, Music Lover, Clumsy /Aspiration - Freelance Botanist

Lovino Edelstein (South Italy)- TEEN Traits – Hot-Headed, Loner/ Aspiration – Master Chef

Antonio is a part-time gardener

Lovino ran away because of an argument with his dad. He doesn’t talk about it but grateful Antonio support him.

Antonio is an old friend of the Edelstein family that why Lovino know him

Antonio is very patient with Lovino

Lovino really miss spending time with his brother

Lovino gets jealous when Antonio goes out with Gilbert or Francis  

Lovino like his own space but does get lonely

Antonio just wants everyone to be happy and will do anything to help them

Tomato solve everything  

Lovino is angry with everything including himself

Branginsky Family  

Katyusha Branginsky (Ukraine) – YOUNG ADULT Traits – Clumsy, Family- Oriented, Neat/ Aspiration – Successful Lincage

Natalia Branginsky (Belarus) - CHILD/MAGIC Traits – Mean/ Aspiration – Whiz Kid

Ivan Branginsky (Russia) - TEEN Traits – Borderline Personality Disorder, Shy/ Aspiration – Big Happy Family

Katyusha work at a coffee shop, she tries to be the older sister but is ashamed about how little money they have

Very poor but they get by

Natalia has a ghost friend that she talk to at night

Ivan want friends doesn’t know how to do it without freaking people or say something weird

Natalia is slowly making friends

Katyusha gets worried when Ivan doesn’t want to leave his bedroom

Ivan will knit anything  

Yao will come by with food

Something always breaks in the house

Natalia is scary when she angry

(Will Upload image soon!!!!!)

Zwingli Family  

Basch Zwingli (Switzerland) - ADULT Traits – Family- Oriented, Loner, Perfectionst/ Aspiration – Successful Lineage

Eva Zwingli (Liechtenstein) - CHILD Traits – Good/ Aspiration – Artistic Prodigy  

Basch is Eva father  

Basch is the chief of the town

Basch double check people background (doesn’t trust no one)

Eva doesn’t have a bad bone in her body  

Elizabeta babysits Eva when Basch is busy working

Basch and Roderick are old friends  

If anyone upset Eva expect Basch to threaten them with his gun

Eva love drawing pictures of Basch looking happy  

Eva is really good friends with Natatia  

Basch never talks about his job

Kirkland Family  

Arthur Kirkland (England) - ADULT/MAGIC Traits – Hot-Headed, Bookworm, Snob/ Aspiration – Spellcraft + Sorcery

Alfred Kirkland (America) - TEEN Traits – Active, Goofball/ Aspiration – Leader of the Pack

Arthur work as a teacher  

Arthur is Alfred father  

Arthur is divorced to Francis. One night at a pub he saw Francis flirting with someone else. They spilt everything which including Alfred and Matthew.

Arthur not happy with Alfred tattoo even though he got a big tattoo on his arm when he was young

Alfred wants to be everyone friends and try to fix everyone problems which can make the issue a lot worst

Alfred doesn’t like Ivan because Ivan knows how insecure Alfred is with himself (doesn’t like rejection)

Arthur can’t cook but his magic can fix that

At times when they have a heated argument Arthur wish he had Matthew instead of Alfred

Alfred will make a cup of tea for Arthur before telling bad news (example bad report in school)

Alfred spend most of his time gaming or going out 

Bonnefoy Family  

Francis Bonnefoy (France) - ADULT Traits – Art Lover, Foodie, Romantic/ Aspiration – Soulmate

Matthew Bonnefoy (Canada) - TEEN Traits – Shy, Cheerful/ Aspiration – Bestselling Author  

Francis works as a celebrity chef  

Very close with Matthew will cook together

Alfred comes in after a big argument with his dad. Francis will reason that Arthur doesn’t mean what he says and love him no matter what

People who are not Francis, Alfred or Arthur will forget about Matthew  

Matthew start getting knitting gifts but doesn’t know who it’s from

Francis is back on the dating game but still thinks about Arthur and wants to give it another go

Matthew is never stress  

Arthur calls Matthew once a week to check up on him  

Francis regrets that night and tries to hide his emotion in front of Matthew and friends

Francis love his food however looking good is more important  

I also made clubs for everyone because I am THAT bored 😊

Freedom  - Party till they drop/ Having a great time/ Good vibes/ Away from family drama and life  

Gym  - To keep fit/ Started out with Simon and Berwald/ No drama or Basch will get involve/ Gilbert behave in the gym and it help him stop drinking  

Lets Party - Old friends meeting together/ All trying to get a date but end up getting drunk and gossiping all night/ Antonio end up paying for everyone drinks  

Playtime - Yao set up a play date so it keeps Im Yong and Lin Yin in line. That was a mistake/ Everyone friendly/ They love watching Pokemon/ If someone upset they help one another

      'Ohana' means 'family. ' 'Family' means 'no one gets left behind”

I hope people like this stupid project now I’m heading to the kitchen to drink my problems away ����

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

3. Upon Further Research

Simon was fine. That’s what he kept having to tell himself. It wasn’t like he truly wanted to date Grace St. Catherine. He couldn’t even if he wanted to. He had far too many habits and personal ways that made others uncomfortable or annoyed. 

The last woman he attempted to date didn’t like the fact that Samantha had her own room and that she was only allowed to enter it if Samantha had approached her to be friends. If Samantha was uncomfortable, she would mewl about it and he didn’t want that type of upset over someone who didn’t have to live with her adjusting to something she didn’t like. 

The last man he dated had an irrational hatred of the fact that Simon purchased multiple types of milk for different times of the day or different kinds of enjoyment. He never thought he would see someone have such a reaction to the fact that he wanted whole milk for cereal and to warm up at the end of the night before bed, low fat milk for milkshakes and accompanying a grilled cheese or a cheese and egg sandwich, and skim milk for drink mixes and casual throughout the day enjoyment. “Just buy one kind of milk and stick with it!” Truth be told, sometimes, Simon also bought 2% milk whenever he wasn’t feeling that great and nut milk for cooking. He just… couldn’t explain that it made a difference to his consumption and couldn’t understand why it made someone else so frustrated. 

But, it reminded him that he had unique quirks that people found basically unacceptable. Grace seemed like a cool person, but she probably would be irritated to open his fridge and see 6 different types of milk too. Or to have Samantha refuse to acknowledge her and therefore not be able to enter Sam’s Sanctuary… or even just be annoyed that there was a room with cat trees, a little playground, cat toys, waterer, feeder, etc, and a cat that spent most of her time in the windowsill instead of acknowledging all of the luxury that had been collected for her.

Then again, it was unfair to assume what people might not like about you or your life. He couldn’t know for sure. All that he knew was that she wasn’t interested in going out with him. 

That should have been the end of it, but he was very curious about that comment that her coworker made about “another hot date.” Did she have a lot of hot dates? What exactly constitutes a hot date?

Going through her photos didn’t help with that. If she regularly dated, she certainly didn’t like anyone enough to put them on her social media. Though, she did see in one of her comments she said something about VDay “my hands will be full. Worry ‘bout yourself," she’d told somebody who asked if she was trying to get “wifed up for VDay,” as a response to a photo of her in a stunning red dress, captioned with “Beneficiary Gathering #GraceLoveTheKids” She didn’t have a location, so he searched “beneficiary gathering” and came up with SO MANY things. He sighed and went back to her hashtag, wondering if it was common for her. 

She used it pretty frequently! There were photos of her at a children’s hospital, photos of numerous kids, some at some center, some at parks and stuff… She really didn’t put a lot of information into her captions. Most people loved to tell you location and event and every single detail. The fact that she didn’t made her more appealing to Simon. She liked her space. He liked his too. He could relate… but also… he needed to know more. 

It’s not a violation of her privacy if I don’t use anything against her. I'm just intrigued...

.

A few days after the date debacle, Simon found his way back into the coffee shop, this time with Samantha with him. Grace noticed him come in and sit down, but she was at the cash register, helping a customer out. When she finished, she waved to him, but he didn’t seem to notice. He was petting his cat and scrolling something. She let out a disappointed sigh. Of course, Simon had noticed her. Every single detail, including that sigh. That made him a little hopeful that perhaps she would come over and engage. Maybe meet Samantha, even. She didn’t, though. She worked as usual and didn't seem to even glance his way again.

Grace went across the street for lunch. The little deli had a small selection, but they had something that she couldn’t get anywhere else in town - chicken taco pinwheels - and she was hooked on them. She’d order a dozen of them with two pickle spears, homemade potato chips with cracked pepper and sea salt, and ginger ale with cherries. It was one of the highlights of her day to get that very same lunch any time that she worked. When she was leaving today, she almost ran into Simon. She gasped and hugged her lunch to herself. “Mr. Laurent. Sorry. I’m usually pretty aware of my surroundings. You didn’t sneak up on me, did you?” she teased and winked an eye at him.

“You know… People usually call me Simon,” he said, smiling.

“People call you?” she asked. He blushed and laughed. “Of course I’m kidding. It’s just easier to call you that because of the policy and stuff.”

“The policy?”

“At the bookstore. Normally, they don’t care if you get familiar with regulars and they share their names, but since it’s you, we’re not supposed to bother you and were told that we were to refer to you as Mr. Laurent. It’s part of orientation. I remember very vividly saying, “Well excuse me, Mr. Laurent!” She exaggerated the Frenchness of his name and he chuckled at it, then stopped and looked serious. “Because, I’m kind of a goofball. Didn’t mean anything by it..”

“No, no. It’s fine. I just think it’s weird that they do that. I don’t mind being spoken to like a normal person.” That wasn’t completely true. He hated being interrupted if he was working or doing something with a hobby…

“Okay… Simon, then,” she said with a smile. He could only give her one back in return. “And who is our little pristine friend?” She asked. Samantha was on a leash, and standing, staring, almost as though she were waiting to be introduced to this strange new person. 

“This is Samantha.”

Grace stooped down and Simon tensed up. She smiled and said, “Hi, Samantha. I’m Grace. I work at your daddy’s favorite bookstore. I’ve seen a lot of photos of you, and might I say, you are radiant! Exuding opulence! You own EVERYTHING!” Samantha stepped forward and rubbed herself against Grace’s knee. “Oh, you are so adorable, but I can’t pet you right now! I’m holding stuff.” Grace stood up, looking sad as Samantha continued to rub against her shoes until Simon gathered her up. 

“She never does that. Sorry..”

“No, she’s majestic. Maybe Daddy will bring you around to see me again some time, sweetie!” She blew kisses at Samantha, nodded her head to Simon, called out, “See you tomorrow, Chief!” (to which the deli owner waved). 

Simon came up to the counter and noticed the man staring at Samantha. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought her inside of here. “I’m going to have whatever she just ordered, to go, please?” He waited out of the way, just in case having an animal in their eating space might bother someone. 

Her deli order was better than her coffee order, that was for sure, though that wasn’t hard to beat. He shivered thinking about it. He ate in his car and pulled up to a trash bin to discard things. Samantha was sleeping very comfortably in her safety carrier. 

Grace got off of work and danced out of the door, holding her perfume laced coffee. She looked up at the sky for a moment, checked her phone. He looked up too. It might rain. She didn’t seem too bothered, merely curious. She walked through the neighborhood, the wind was blowing her sweater and she was drinking her coffee, speaking to various people as she passed them. How did she DO that? Simon barely liked speaking to the people that he knew. She couldn’t have possibly known most of these people, though maybe she saw them everyday, but that meant nothing. Was she cordial and warm all of the time?

She stopped at a florist and he watched through the window as she seemed to know the guy in the flower shop too. They chatted for a while until someone came from the back with what looked like a package. It was one of those big yellow mailing envelopes and the woman who gave it to her walked her over, away from the counter to speak with her before handing it to her and hugging her. As Grace came out, she said, “Thanks! See you next time…” The guy behind the counter rushed to hand her a flower and she hugged him too. Simon… didn’t like it, even though it seemed perfectly friendly and she seemed like one of those people who probably hugged her friends and stuff. Maybe. He didn’t know enough yet. Hadn’t collected enough information. 

She slipped her package into her bag, handed her presumably empty cup to the guy and he went inside and threw it away for her as she left. Simon lost her once she went into the train station. But, he felt like he collected enough information for the day. He wondered if this was daily, or if she deviated what she did after work. He continued driving past the station and headed home to work on all of his notes and more research. 

One thing that he noted was that aside from her social media, he couldn’t find much about Grace St. Catherine. And, that wasn’t even much to go by, because aside from everything being private, what she shared was still limited. 

But. The guy at the florist shop followed her. Simon checked his page. Heath Farmer *152 Simon didn't think much of it whenever he read the generic name, just scrolled through photos. None of them had Grace in them, but she was in his comments a lot and vice versa. It led to nothing.

He clicked on someone else's page who was speaking with them in the comments. Jalicia Barrett * 227 "Huh." He went to find others that he saw speaking in similar circles and several had no numbers there, but there were quite a few others that did have a number listed, and some were kids or teenagers. Maybe something to do with some of Grace's child benefits? He couldn't find what tied them together… But then he saw someone's page and Grace was actually in photos ON it. "Xander Helstrom *747…" 

His profile pic was a younger photo of himself with pink hair, wearing a chin guard on his face and a bandana on his arm. 

But, all of his current photos indicated he was older now, probably early 20s or late teens. He and Grace seemed close. There was a photo of him with her pet turtle and sliding through the set, it was the day that she bought it. So… they were most likely really good friends, or something else… Simon found himself looking at every interaction between them that he could find. They spoke like they had known each other a long time and from what he could see, this was the only person who had photos of her in her space. Maybe they were in something complicated? He searched Xander's other accounts. His Tweets were mostly about child welfare and social justice. His Facebook seemed similar, but also had memes and photos of himself and memorials for children. One caught his attention. The drawing looked similar to Grace's art style and it was of a little girl with the caption, "In honor of Hazel. She was never a number and she changed us for the better." 

There were several people who commented. "To Hazel, never a number." But, then Simon saw Grace's comment.

"Hazel taught me not to worry and not to rush. She helped give me empathy and a reason to fight. I never would have made it without her. To Hazel, never a number. Always a friend."

Simon looked at the time on his phone. "Crap." It was 2 am. 

He finished compiling all of his notes and went to bed. He was very curious what those numbers meant, but he couldn't dwell on it at the moment. He'd have to sleep well into the day to make up for staying up tonight. Tomorrow, he'd have to leave his car behind. He needed to know what happened when Grace got on the train. 

04. Date Night

[rhosyn-du]

Never make a mess when a total catastrophe will do - Chapter Nine

Pairings: Jimon, past Clace, background Clizzy, a bunch of other minor background pairings Rating: Explicit Art: @cor321​ Beta: @all-thestories-aretrue​ Tags:  Alternate Universe - College/University, fake dating, oh my god they were roommates, friends with benefits, idiots to lovers, pining, miscommunication, holidays, drinking games, mistletoe, symbolically significant Oreos, domestic fluff, brief mention of past character death, Jace’s self-worth issues deserve their own tag Summary: What do you do when you find out your sister is not only dating your ex and love-of-your-high-school-life but is also bringing her home for Christmas? Bring your annoying, hot, annoyingly-hot roommate as your fake boyfriend to show them you're totally fine with it, obviously! There's no possible way this could backfire. Link: AO3 , Tumblr Master Post

Chapter Nine

Wednesday nights at The Hunter’s Moon weren’t exactly hopping, but the small crowd would do for Jace’s purposes. The atmosphere was familiar, at least, and he wasn’t likely to find better at any of the other bars in town. He’d been on uncertain footing for months, not knowing how to be whatever he and Simon had been. But now, alone, unwanted, and with a soul-deep ache in his chest, he was finally back on familiar ground. This feeling, Jace knew exactly what to do with, and step one was getting very drunk.

He almost hesitated when he saw Maia behind the bar. She must have switched shifts with someone, because she didn’t usually work Wednesdays, and Jace wasn’t prepared for her too-knowing eyes or her pity.

But Maia greeted him with her usual easy smile, so either she didn’t know Simon had moved out, or she didn’t know him half as well as she pretended to.

“Wasn’t expecting to see you here tonight,” she said. “Isn’t tomorrow your god-awful early Latin class?”

Jace shook his head. “That’s Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Can I get a double shot of Stoli?”

Maia’s smile slipped, just a bit, but she nodded and poured his drink. “Starting off strong right out the gate,” she observed. “You want to talk about it?”

“Nope.” Jace tossed back the shot. The heat that followed it down felt less like the usual ripping off an emotional Band-Aid and more like rubbing salt into an open wound. “What I want is another one of those and to find some company for the night.”

Maia paused, bottle in hand. “Okay, no.” She wasn’t even pretending to smile anymore. “I can’t actually stop you from riding whatever self-destructive train you’ve decided to hop on, but I don’t have to enable it, either.”

“You’re a bartender,” Jace said flatly. “It’s your job to pour drinks.”

“I’m your friend, and I’m not pouring you anything else until you tell me why you’re in my bar looking for a drunken hookup instead of at home with your boyfriend.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Don’t be obtuse,” Maia told him. “Where’s Simon?”

Jace met her eyes. “Simon left. Can I have my vodka now?”

“What do you mean, ‘he left’? Oh god, did you guys break up?” And there, finally, was the pity he’d been expecting. At least it came with another shot of vodka.

“Can’t break up if you’re not actually dating.” Jace downed his shot. This one didn’t soothe any better, but at least it didn’t make things worse.

Maia gave him a flat look. “You’ve been sleeping together, exclusively, for the past five months.”

“That was just—” He shook his head, trying not to choke on words that he knew were true but still felt like a lie. “Just a couple hookups between friends.”

“Yeah, that’s complete bullshit.” Maia’s tone was so certain. Jace wanted to believe her.

“Don’t know why you’re so surprised. Simon and I hook up with our friends all the time.”

“No,” Maia said slowly. “You hook up with your friends. So does Lily. So do I, sometimes. But Simon?” She gave him a significant look. “Simon doesn’t do casual. He’s just a great guy who stays friends with most of his exes.”

Jace didn’t even try to hide the bitterness in his smile. “Guess I’m an exception to many rules.”

Maia’s voice was soft when she spoke again. “I don’t actually believe you do casual with someone you’ve been pining over for the better part of a year, either.”

Jace looked away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t bullshit me. Neither of us was actually drunk enough to have forgotten that conversation.” When Jace didn’t respond, she asked, “Why’d he leave?”

“Because he wants something real,” Jace told her. “And he doesn’t want it with me.”

When Jace met her eyes again, he expected to see pity. What he got was pure skepticism. “He said that?”

“Yep.” He lifted his glass. “Pour me another?”

She pursed her lips, then shook her head. “I’ll bring you beer.”

Jace sighed, but he didn’t argue. Maia was a much better friend than she was a bartender.

“You know,” Maia said when she returned with his beer, “I’ve known Simon a long time, and that really doesn’t sound like something he’d say.”

Jace lifted his glass in a toasting gesture. “Guess I just bring out the best in people.”

She sighed heavily, leaning on the bar. “Look, I wasn’t there, so I don’t know what you guys said, and he’s never actually talked to me about it, so I don’t know for sure whether he feels the same way about you that you do about him, but anyone who’s not a complete idiot can see he cares about you. That’s not something he makes any effort to hide. And Simon would never say something that cruel to someone he cares about. So, whatever he said? I’m pretty sure it’s not what you heard.”

“Did you just call me a complete idiot?” He needed to make a joke out of it because he couldn’t let himself believe what Maia was saying. He didn’t have it in him to hope again.

“Yes.” She nudged his hand with her elbow. “But you really should talk to Simon.”

“Don’t think just because you’re finally dating the woman you’ve been crushing on for ages that makes you some kind of relationship expert.”

“Oh, I don’t,” she assured him. “I just think I’m more of a relationship expert than you.”

Jace silently flipped her off, then pulled out his phone. He stared at it for a long time before finally texting Simon.

Can we talk? Please.

As soon as he hit send, he put his phone face-down on the bar and turned his full attention to drinking his beer. Maia gave him an approving nod before going to help the trio of customers that had just walked up to the bar.

It took Simon almost ten minutes to respond, and Jace wasn’t sure how to take it when he did.

Bat says it’s fine if you come over.

It wasn’t exactly a gilded invitation, and Jace was pretty sure he didn’t want to have whatever conversation he and Simon were going to have with Bat there, but it also wasn’t a no. Jace could live with not a no. He’d have to.

He caught Maia’s eye. “Close me out?”

“Sure.” She took his card and scanned it. “Where you headed?”

“Bat’s place. Simon’s staying there.”

He expected at least a little bit of gloating, but all he got was a smile and his card back. “Cool.”

Jace shoved his wallet back in his pocket and stood to put his jacket on. Maia stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Hey. If this doesn’t go the way you want it to, promise you’ll come back here to say I told you so instead of finding a different bar to drown your sorrows in?”

Jace scoffed. “Like I’d ever pass up a chance to rub it in your face that you were wrong.”

Maia gave his arm an encouraging squeeze before letting go. Jace downed the last of his beer and hoped he wasn’t about to fuck things up even worse.

~~~

“How did my place become the designated space for heartbroken sulking?” Bat asked when he opened his door to find Jace standing there.

“It’s because you have the best couch to crash on and the nicest gaming setup,” Jace told him. “Also because you’re too nice to kick your friends out even when we probably deserve it. Can I come in?”

Bat watched him for a long moment, then stepped back and let the door swing all the way open to allow Jace inside.

“I’m gonna run to the store to pick up some more chips,” Bat announced loudly. “I will be back in half an hour, and if any bodily fluids end up on my couch while I’m gone, you are both permanently banned from my apartment.”

“Dude,” came Simon’s voice from the direction of Bat’s living room.

“Just saying,” Bat said, and then he was closing the door behind him, leaving Jace standing in the entryway.

Jace took a deep breath to steady himself, then a second one before finally forcing himself to walk into the living room.

He found Simon on the couch, feet tucked underneath him like he always sat when he was upset. Simon didn’t look up, instead staring intently at the hole in the knee of his worn Boba Fett pajamas as he poked at the threads.

“Hey,” Jace said.

“Hey.” Simon’s eyes stayed trained on his knee.

Okay. This was fine. Jace could work with this. Probably.

He sat down on the far end of the couch and tried again. “Look, I know I’m shit at apologies, but I can’t even try if I don’t know why you’re pissed at me.”

Simon’s shoulders slumped, and he finally looked at Jace with red-rimmed eyes. “I’m not pissed at you.”

“Really? Because you’re acting kind of pissed at me.”

“I’m not—” Simon made a frustrated sound. “Okay, I’m kind of pissed at you, but I know it’s super unfair, and I’m, you know,” he shrugged, “working through it.”

“And when you’re done working through it, then you’ll come home?” Jace’s question sounded desperate, even to his own ears.

“I think—” Simon went back to studying the hole in his pajamas. “I think I’m going to spend the summer back in New York with my mom. Bat said I can crash on his couch for a couple weeks until finals are over.”

“Simon.” Jace was shaking his head, but Simon just kept right on going.

“I can—I can keep paying my half of rent until you find another roommate.”

“I don’t want another roommate.” I want you. Jace shook the thought away. That could wait. All that right now mattered was keeping Simon from walking out of his life.

“Look,” Jace continued, “I know things are kind of weird between us right now, but you don’t have to leave. We can fix this. We can just—just go back to how things were before, like nothing ever happened, and it’ll be—” It would be agonizing. Jace wasn’t sure he could do it. “It’ll be fine.”

“I can’t just go back to how things were before, Jace.” Simon’s glare was withering. “It’s not that easy.”

Jace ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I know I fucked up. I shouldn’t have kissed you at Alec’s wedding, but I swear it won’t happen again.”

“You didn’t—Jace, we kissed each other at the wedding.”

Jace glared back, letting anger mask his hurt. “Then what exactly is the problem?” If he didn’t know what he’d done, he couldn’t fix it, and if he couldn’t fix it… “If it’s not about the kiss, then why the hell won’t you just come home?”

“Because I love you, you asshole!”

Simon looked almost as surprised by his own outburst as Jace felt. Jace stared. He couldn’t have heard that right. Because if Simon loved him, then he wouldn’t be glaring at him like he just kicked his favorite puppy. If Simon loved him, he wouldn’t have left.

“I love you,” Simon repeated, calmer now, “and I can’t keep pretending that I don’t.”

“Simon,” Jace croaked. His voice didn’t seem to want to work.

“That’s why I can’t live with you anymore, because I’m never going to be able to get over you if I do.”

“Simon,” Jace tried again, voice stronger now.

“And that wouldn’t be fair to either of us. But I think if I just take some time, and some space, then maybe I can—”

Jace let out a frustrated growl. “Will you please stop talking for five seconds so I can tell you that I love you, too?”

It was Simon’s turn to stare. “You—I don’t understand.”

Jace let out a bark of laughter that was half hysterical, half wonder. “Yeah, this is. It’s a lot.”

“But,” Simon’s voice was soft, vulnerable, “if you love me, then why don’t you want to be with me?”

“Simon,” he reached out to cup Simon’s cheek with his hand, “what could possibly have given you the idea that I don’t want to be with you?”

“You!” Simon’s voice was indignant, but he didn’t pull away, instead leaning into Jace’s touch. “You’ve said it like a million times! That you don’t date. That you’re not a relationship kind of guy.”

“Yeah, because I suck at it.” It wasn’t an easy admission to make, and Jace had to force himself not to cringe away from showing this much vulnerability. But for Simon, he would. “You were right when you said I don’t know how to be bad at things, and I make a terrible boyfriend. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be yours.”

Simon let out a choked laugh, winding his arms around Jace’s neck. “You were actually a pretty great boyfriend, even when you were just pretending.”

“Simon. I was never pretending.”

Simon made a wounded noise and dragged him the remaining inches between them into a kiss. It was messy and the angle was awkward as hell, but Jace wouldn’t have traded it for anything. He kissed back, putting everything he felt into it. And then Simon was throwing a leg over him to straddle his lap, and the angle—along with everyone else—was so much better.

“Dude, what did I say?”

They broke apart at Bat’s very annoyed question. Jace had been too distracted to even hear the door.

“Technically, we didn’t break your rule.” Simon’s grin was wide and bright and a little dazed as he disentangled himself from Jace. Jace suspected he was wearing a similar expression. “No bodily fluids on your couch.”

“I expect more than a technicality when your fluids are involved,” Bat said flatly. “And I’m happy you guys got your shit together or whatever, but please get the fuck out of my apartment now.”

“I think we were just leaving, anyway,” Jace said.

“Oh yeah,” Simon agreed. “We’ve got some, uh, stuff to take care of back home.”

Jace barely even heard the pained noise Bat made over the sudden burst of joy in his chest at hearing Simon call their apartment “home” again. Grinning like an absolute idiot, he let Simon pull him out the door and down the street toward their apartment. Toward home.

~~~

It took them far longer to get back to the apartment than the distance warranted. Probably because they couldn’t seem to go a full block without kissing, which inevitably led to making out against the nearest wall until one of them remembered that they actually had an apartment with nice features like beds and privacy.

“This is ridiculous,” Jace said half a block down from their building, ignoring the fact that he was the one who had Simon pinned to the neighboring complex’s laundry room wall. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Either kiss me again or get moving,” Simon said, grinding against the thigh Jace had between his legs. “I’d really like to get you naked before I have to leave for morning classes.”

With a put-upon sigh, Jace stepped back. “It’s really annoying when you’re right about things, you know that?”

“I know that you say ‘annoying’ when you mean ‘hot,’” Simon said with a smug grin.

“That is not at all a thing that I do,” Jace lied.

They managed to make it back to the apartment with no more detours and practically fell through the door with how eager they were to get their hands and mouths back on each other.

“Missed this,” Simon said between kisses. “Missed you.”

“It’s been like half a week,” Jace said, like he hadn’t missed Simon like he’d lost a limb, blood loss included. “And you’re the idiot who decided we should break up, so whose fault is that?”

“We weren’t even dating, you dick. I didn’t think you wanted to.” Simon pulled away then, suddenly serious. “You do want to, though, right? You meant it when you said you want to be my boyfriend?”

“I can’t believe I fell in love with someone so dense,” Jace said with an affectionate smile. “Yes, I meant it.”

“Okay,” Simon said, smiling back. “Cool.”

“Now that we’ve got that sorted out,” Jace leaned forward, lips hovering a hairsbreadth away from Simon’s, “can I please take you to bed already?”

Simon kissed him, quick and hard, before grabbing the lapels of his leather jacket and walking backward down the hallway, dragging Jace with him.

“I like it when you say please,” Simon said. “It’s definitely something you should do more often.”

“Yeah?” Jace used the fact that his own hands were free to unbuckle Simon’s belt while they walked. “You gonna make me?”

“I thought that was implied.” Simon pushed the door to Jace’s bedroom open and shoved Jace through it.

Jace took another step back, shrugging out of his jacket and tossing it vaguely in the direction of his desk chair. “You really think you can?”

“I’ve done it before.” Simon followed and slid his hands up beneath Jace’s shirt. “I can remind you how it went if you forgot.”

“Could have been a fluke.” Jace’s words probably would have been more convincing if his entire body hadn’t jolted when Simon’s thumbs very deliberately brushed over his nipples before moving to tug his shirt over his head.

“You’re right,” Simon said as he pulled his own shirt over his head. “We’ll need a bigger data set if we’re going to do a proper statistical analysis.”

“Less math.” Jace pulled open Simon’s fly and reached a hand inside his boxers. “More sex.”

Simon rocked into the touch. “I didn’t hear a ‘please’ in there.”

Jace snorted. “Bite me.”

“I mean, I was going to suck you, but if you’d rather I bite—”

Jace cut him off with a kiss. By the way Simon smiled against his mouth, he thought that might have been exactly the reaction he was going for. Jace couldn’t be annoyed by it, though. Not when Simon was making those soft, eager noises into their kisses while they divested each other of their remaining clothes. Not when every touch, every kiss felt like coming home. Not when they finally tumbled into bed and Simon kissed perfect and so hot and love you into his mouth and skin.

It wasn’t until Simon had him practically writhing with want, lazily fingering him while he traced patterns across Jace’s hipbone with his tongue, that Jace realized he’d meant it about making him say ‘please.’ The realization must have shown on his face because Simon, the utter bastard, winked at him before stroking his finger against Jace’s prostate, just once. It was almost as infuriating as it was hot.

Jace’s resolve not to beg lasted right up until Simon shifted so he could reach Jace’s other hip with his mouth, causing his own cock, hard and leaking, to brush against Jace’s calf. Knowing that Simon was just as turned on as he was, it was too much.

He rocked his hips down as Simon added a second finger, trying desperately to get some pressure where he needed it. The stretch felt good, but it wasn’t anywhere near enough. “Are you waiting for a gilded invitation?”

“You know what I’m waiting for,” Simon said mildly, cheek just barely grazing Jace’s cock as he lowered his head to place an open-mouthed kiss on the seam of Jace’s thigh.

“Fuck, fuck, fine,” Jace panted. “Please.”

Simon didn’t waste any time to gloat, swallowing him down to the root in one smooth motion at the same time that he crooked his fingers to press against Jace’s prostate. Jace let out a strangled sob, fighting to keep his hips still and failing miserably. If Simon’s answering moan was any indication, he didn’t mind in the slightest, so Jace stopped trying, losing himself in the heat of Simon’s mouth, the perfect pressure of his fingers.

He glanced down, needing to see, and was very nearly undone by the sight of Simon’s lips stretched around his cock, the obvious enthusiasm for what he was doing. Simon caught his gaze and swallowed—very deliberately—around the head of his cock. Jace let out a keening noise as his body shook and he spilled his release down Simon’s throat.

Simon kept working him with mouth and fingers until it was just pushing the edges of too much, and then he was crawling up Jace’s body to kiss him, needy and desperate, as he jerked himself off. Jace had just enough presence of mind left to kiss back, to slide one hand between them to join Simon’s on his cock until Simon was shaking apart above him, painting their hands and stomachs with his come.

“See?” Simon said a few minutes later, still half-breathless. “I knew I could get you to say ‘please.’”

“Fuck you,” Jace mumbled without any real heat, too fucked-out to muster a proper comeback.

Simon gave him a crooked grin. “Next time, I should make you ask nicely, though.”

Jace thought he probably shouldn’t be as into that idea as he was, especially since he’d just come, but he absolutely was, his mind spinning out an elaborate vision of what that would be like. Not that he was going to admit it.

“Shut up and cuddle me,” he said instead.

Simon’s answering smirk said he knew exactly what Jace wasn’t saying, but he didn’t argue, curling his body into Jace’s with a contented sigh.

“Hey,” Jace said quietly. “I love you.”

He felt Simon’s smile against his shoulder. “I love you, too.”

Eventually, Jace knew, they would have to move. They were both in desperate need of a shower, and he should probably put something in his body that wasn’t alcoholic if he didn’t want to feel like death in the morning. But for now, he was content to stay like this, wrapped in the arms of the man he loved. And when they did finally make their way out of bed, he’d be fine with that, too, and whatever came after. As long as Simon was beside him.

[soldieronbarnes]

Hi, I... don't know if you or someone else has already write about it, but... It would be okay to have a prompt about Magnus and temporarily warlock!Alec? If they have stayed a bit longer in Edon with the alliance rune, and then Alec showing Magnus that he also has magic now (and maybe Magnus a bit uncomfortable because it was Lorenzo's magic, not his). Is it possible? (I love everything you write)

You know, this one is the reason I didn’t manage to fill many prompts during my holiday, because I thought “hey, I’ll write, like, a couple hundred words for each prompt and that will be it”. And then I spent two evening trying to get this one right aaaaand it got quite a bit longer than expected. I hope you like it.

___

“Darling, could you hand me the - “

Magnus doesn’t even get to finish the sentence before the salt shaker shoots towards him and comes to a screeching halt a few centimetres away from his face where it hovers in the air, wobbling back and forth like an overexcited dog wagging its tail so hard it makes its entire body move. Magnus blinks at it, perplexed, before his expression morphs into something carefully neutral that still manages to look somewhat pinched.

“Sorry,” Alec says sheepishly. 

“No need to apologise.” Magnus’ tone is deceptively breezy, which is how Alec knows just how bothered his husband truly is. “I don’t think I’ve ever been passed the salt this quickly, unless, of course, I summoned it myself.”

Yikes. Alec flinches a little. “You know I can’t control it.” It comes out more defensive than he intended, and much more defeated as well.

Since their return from Edom, his - Lorenzo’s - magic has popped up during unexpected moments, without rhyme or reason. No one can really explain why it keeps happening; Magnus suspects it’s a certain overreaching magical residue that their stint with the alliance rune left behind, and by all reason, it should have been used up by now. None of the others seem to have had problems with their partners’ powers manifesting after they left the collapsing dimension of hell. Alec wishes that Clary’s connection to Simon could lead her back to the Shadow World, or that Jace still had moments in which he couldn’t lie – that, at least, would simply make for funny moments instead of occasionally embarrassing or even dangerous ones. 

The problem, Alec thinks dourly, is less the spontaneous bouts of magic he can now perform but rather his lack of control. There’s a certain manic energy to it when it bubbles up under his skin, announcing itself in a hot rush rising to the surface, but always far too late for him to try and center himself and keep his emotions in check, pushing it down.

The first time it happened is actually quite funny, in retrospect. They’d left for their honeymoon, portalled from the Institute to the loft to grab their bags, and when Magnus had bent over to pick up the suitcases, all Alec could do was stare at the delicious swell of his ass in his expertly tailored trousers and think: God, I can’t wait to get him naked. A second later, Magnus had been, and Alec had honestly thought Magnus was a mind-reader - or maybe just as desperately horny as Alec was after being subjected to the glorious sight of his husband in a tux for hours without being able to do anything about it - and told Magnus as much, until he saw the panicked look in his eyes when he said “I didn’t do this.”

That thoroughly ruined the mood for a while, until Magnus had checked him over three times and established that it wasn’t hurting Alec and also very likely not permanent. 

Two weeks later, and the magic still hasn’t subsided much. It’s not a constant presence, so Alec can’t claim to be a warlock, or even warlock-adjacent, really, but at this point, the only good thing about it is knowing how fucking eager it is to please Magnus, like it’s a manifestation of Alec’s soul, his innermost wishes. So far, he’s accidentally dyed some of Magnus’ shirts when he complained about the colour being just a little bit off to match his waistcoats, nearly slammed a book Magnus had considered reading into his face, dumped a rather sizeable number of drinks in front of Magnus (or on him - it’s not like he can aim) and made an entire orchard worth of almond trees bloom when Magnus lamented that he hadn’t been able to bring Alec for their season. On one particularly memorable occasion, he had made the bed float two feet above the ground as Magnus fucked all conscious thought out of him. Thankfully, Magnus had ignored it while it was happening, and only teased him about it a little afterwards. It also marks the only time Magnus had reacted with something other than a startled expression that soon turned a little sour, and probably only because he had been particularly smug about the demonstration of his sexual prowess. 

Alec hates the strange tension that arises whenever the magic decides to show its face. They’re supposed to be in the honeymoon phase of their marriage, goddamnit, not dealing with – whatever this is. 

“I know, darling. It’s fine,” Magnus assures him, plucking the salt shaker out of the air and seasoning his eggs. He studiously avoids Alec gaze as he’s doing it.

“Okay, what?” Alec asks, more brusquely than Magnus deserves. 

Magnus blinks at him. “Pardon?”

“Look, I get that this - “ he wiggles his fingers around like Magnus usually does when he’s performing magic and ignores the slightly alarmed look on his husband’s face, “- is super annoying, because I can’t seem to get a grip on it, but you have to stop looking at me like that when it happens.”

“Like what?”

“Like…” Alec bites his lips, searching for the right word. “Disapproving.”

“I don’t look at you like that,” Magnus protests.

“Yes, you do, Magnus. So what is really bothering you? What’s so bad about me having magic?”

Magnus hesitates.

“You promised not to lie to me,” Alec reminds him, and it’s pettier than it should be, to throw their weddings vows back in Magnus’ face like that. They aren’t even fighting, really, and God, Alec is an asshole. 

Magnus just sighs. “You’re right,” he concedes, before Alec can start to apologise. “It’s just…it’s kind of stupid.”

He looks kind of shifty. Alec has seen that expression on his face only once before, when they were sitting in Alec’s office after Magnus had moved into the Institute.

Oh. Oh. 

The penny drops.

“Are you jealous?” Alec asks, somewhat flabbergasted, because it makes even less sense this time around than when Magnus thought Underhill was any sort of competition. 

Magnus makes a wounded noise. “I wouldn’t quite call it that this time.”

“This time?” Alec repeats a teasing smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “So we’re finally admitting that it was jealousy last time?”

Magnus throws him a half-hearted glare but doesn’t otherwise react. So it’s serious, then. Alec reaches out, tangled their fingers together and squeezes gently. “Explain it to me,” he says. “Please.”

“It doesn’t bother me that you have magic,” Magnus says after a long moment. “But it bothers me that the magic you are wielding is Lorenzo’s magic.”

“Why?” Alec asks. For the most part, Lorenzo and Magnus seem to have buried their hatched and jumped straight into an odd friendship that will certainly consist of still constantly trying to annoy and one-up each other, just, well, fondly instead of angrily. 

“I just -” Magnus stops, sighs. “I know it’s – childish, and sort of selfish, but I had thought, with how close we are, that if you ever got a taste of magic, if you ever got to wield some yourself…I wanted it to be mine.”

Alec stills. “Oh.”

 “I never believed it would be possible, of course, and when it turned out that it was, I wanted so badly to share this part of me with you. Because I want you to see, to –”

“Understand,” Alec finishes. “I get it.”

He does. All his desperate attempts aside, he never truly could understand what it means for Magnus to lose his powers. He probably would never have understood Magnus completely, but to wield his powers, to get to experience the very essence of him so intimately – he knows he would have cherished it immeasurably, and mourned its loss once it was gone. 

Magnus smiles, a little brittle. “And now it will never happen.”

“You don’t know that,” Alec argues. “We still have the alliance rune, and we might still need it one day. I mean, I hope not, but…”

“Clary lost her runes over this,” Magnus reminds him quietly. “I don’t think I should like to risk it.”

He’s right, of course. The angels had made it very clear that they hadn’t approved of the new runes Clary had created, and her last, most powerful ones especially. Her punishment was a clear warning not to meddle with the status quo again or suffer the consequences. 

Alec grips Magnus’ hand a little tighter. The loss of possibility stings, now that he has been made aware of it. “I’m sorry,” he says. “For what it’s worth, I really wanted it to be you.”

“There’s no use crying over spilt milk,” Magnus says, shrugging. “And I do mean it, you don’t have anything to apologise for. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

“Yeah, maybe. But it hurt you every time you had to see it, and I didn’t realise.” He hesitates. “Could you…take it away?”

“Why would you want that?” Magnus asks, surprised. “It’ll go away on its own.”

“It may go away on its own,” Alec corrects. “We don’t know for sure. And I could handle it, but if I end up hurting you - even accidentally - all the time, then I don’t want to.”

Magnus sits back, looking a little overwhelmed, like it still astonishes him, the length to which Alec will go to try and make him happy. “I - I could try. If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” Alec says firmly. 

“I - alright.” Magnus grabs both of his hands gently, turns them around. “Close your eyes, darling, and try to concentrate on finding the source of the magic in you. Push it to the surface, if you can, it should make this much quicker and easier.”

Alec tries. He’s never been good at meditating or quieting his mind, but as he probes around, thinking where are you, please, please, he suddenly feels a spark of it, perking up at his call. I’m sorry, he thinks, feeling vaguely remorseful as he gathers it up and tries to nudge it outward, I have to let you go now.

It pulses once, warming him from inside out, as if to say goodbye, and then it’s gone. Magnus gasps a little, and when Alec opens his eyes, he sees the tendrils float up towards the ceiling and dissolve into sparkling flower petals that sink to the floor slowly before disappearing entirely, much like the ones Magnus threw into the air at their wedding.

“That was very pretty,” Magnus says. “If a tad overdramatic.”

“Made you smile,” Alec shrugs, and pulls him in for a kiss.

[metalchick19-blog]

The Bowers Gang: Ship #2 - Patrick Hockstetter

Request: Hi. ~ ( Sorry for my bad english, I'm Italian. ) First of all I wanted to say I love your headcanon on the Bowers Gang and your writing. This is my ship request. 💙✨I'd like to be shipped with Patrick. ( My physical description )My hair is bright red ( dyed ) and half shaved. I usually wear blue contact lenses and make-up ( eyeliner and pink/red eyeshadow ); I also wear glasses. I am tall 5'6''. ( Personality ) I am an extrovert girl and very talkative, I often annoy my friends talking about the movies I have seen and the books I read ( My favourite films are A Clockwork Orange, Benny's Video, Crash, Good Fellas, Nosfretatu, Videodrome; my favourite books are Catch-22 and Naked Lunch. ) My friends usually describe me as arrogant and very impulsive; also someone told me that I look like a cupcake filled with poison 'cause I have a pretty face but I am very sarcastic and I'm used to threat anyone who says to me something I think it's offensive ( I am very prickly. ) Also I am very anxious and nervous about lots of things like keep my grades up and always look pretty, similar to a Barbie or Jessica Rabbit ( so I wear make-up everyday, wear clothes like crop-top and shorts and keep my weight down. ) I am the kind of person that tries to always win because don't know how to handle a defeat. I suffer from OCD so I have lots of irrational fears ( example: if I don't repeat a phrase an even number of times I'll be hit by a car and die ). I also have compulsion like repeat every action two/four times ( never three or five ) and I eat different foods ( as chips and meat ) in different plates because I'm scared to be poisoned if they touch. Me and my cousin's boyfriend usually do things like burn little insects or trap them in something ( like a glass full of water ) and put them in the fridge to freeze them. I also smoke a lot ( cigarettes, I don't like weed so much ) and really like to drink, even if I rarely get drunk. Sometimes I get involved in fights, always out of school, and I became pretty violent; I am not so strong but I have always a little knife with me or a chain, worn as a necklace. I only sleep few hours at night because I usually spend time drawing ( I draw only naked people and without the head ) or reading / watching something. I am not a jealous girl, I always leave a lot of freedom to my partners. I don't believe in moral laws applicable to anyone, I think that there isn't something always wrong or always right and for me the end justifies the means. I did my best, I hope I went deep enough. 

Patrick first started creeping on you entirely because of your physical appearance 

Kind of struck him as the type of person who likes to act crazy, rather than someone who actually is crazy, but likes that better than actual crazy because it gives him the opportunity to test the fuck out of your limits

Legitimately experienced euphoria-level joy when he saw red hair, blue eyes, crazy eye-shadow, and shaved-headedness all on one person, and decided he needed to “get a taste” of you as soon as possible

... Which eventually led to you guys actually getting together, because ya’ll are two fucked up peas in a pod

Patrick traded you one of his old lighters (but not the sacred Zippo lighter) for your chain necklace when you guys first got together

Half because he wanted people to know that you were his, half because he wanted to choke you with the chain during sex from day one

He becomes the permanent light for your chain-smoking habit (lights every cigarette you ever smoke, hands-down)

Friggin’ loves that you’re not clingy

Will sometimes tell you about other people he wants to fuck, so you can rate them together

The judgement is real, though - you’re both basically Simon Cowell when it comes to sizing other people up, and just end up roasting most of them into oblivion 

It’s a bonding activity though, so yay (?)

Also insanely turned on by the pictures you draw, and sometimes asks you to draw specific people from school so he can use their decapitated naked bodies as jerk-off fuel

Also likes that he can mess around with other people without having to sneak around... 

... but would literally kill you if you did the same

Seriously - you can give Patrick all the freedom you want, but you don’t have any freedom whatsoever where he’s concerned. You’re his girl.

If you test this limit, there will be serious consequences. 

You guys kill insects together all the time and he loves it oh my gosh

He’s never had the opportunity to kill with someone who actually enjoys it before, and he’s on the darkest version of cloud 9 you’ve ever seen 

Legitimately starts to take a big chunk out of the time he spends with the guys, because he’d rather be in the woods fucking up Jiminy Cricket with you 

Always leads to insane, animal sex in which you just get fucked right out in the open (sometimes pounded against a tree, other times held down on the ground - orgasms galore either way)

Gets more violent with you than any other partner though, because you get his killing instinct hot and bothered 

You get burned, scalded, cut, stabbed, choked, slapped, bitten, scratched, and drowned all within the first 3 months (and we all know homeboy is just getting started)

Eventually starts trying to goad you into killing bigger animals with him (”Come on, princess - you’re tellin’ me you’ve never wanted to move on to bigger and better things before?” *Gets all up in your personal space, grazing your lips with his* “That doesn’t sound like the heinous bitch I know...” *Peer-pressure filled Hockstetter grin*)

... But will settle for the insects if that’s really all he can get 

Still surprises you with a cat or a rabbit once in a while though, and expects you to watch him kill it even if you won’t participate

Doesn’t give a fuck about your OCD issues 

Actively tries to trigger you by mixing your food around on your plate when you eat near him, and by messing up your counts when you try to repeat things a certain number of times

Sometimes even tries to inspire new irrational fears by telling you you’ll probably die if you don’t count this, repeat that, etc.

Both because he finds it hilarious, and because he thinks your temper is sexy af

High-key rubs himself through his pants every time he sees you break out into a fight with someone

Screams anything he possibly can to rile you up more, so you’ll mess the other person up even worse than you originally planned to

Will 100% use your concerns about always looking your best against you when he gets angry though (”Dressing like a whore won’t help you, sweetie - you’re still the ugliest thing I’ve ever fucked.”)

For the most part though, gets a big kick out of his relationship with you

Moves on when you reach your batshit crazy limit for the time-being...

... but starts hanging around you again at random points throughout your life 

Because of your unique traits (i.e. because you killed with him, and because you generally don’t give a shit) you’re a “toy” he’ll never get fully bored of

Expect a random Hockstetter visit at least once every 4 months, even after you guys split up

[caitsbooks]

6 Summer Adult Romances!

Click here to view the full post on my blog, or read more to find out more about these books!

Despite still feeling kinda new to the romance genre, I wanted to compile a list of some of my favorite romance novel’s I’ve read, that I think are perfect for summer.

Whether you’ll be reading on the beach or nice and comfortable in air conditioning, these books will be the perfect addition to your summer!!

Read more for descriptions of each book, plus check out my blog to see 6 YA Romances that are perfect for summer!

Blog || Goodreads || Bookstagram || Twitter  || Reviews

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THE HATING GAME BY SALLY THORNE

Page Count: 387 pages Publisher: William Morrow Release Date: August 9th, 2016 Purchase Options: Amazon, Indiebound, Barnes and Noble [ Click Here For My Full Review ]

“Lucy Hutton has always been certain that the nice girl can get the corner office. She’s charming and accommodating and prides herself on being loved by everyone at Bexley & Gamin. Everyone except for coldly efficient, impeccably attired, physically intimidating Joshua Templeman. And the feeling is mutual. Trapped in a shared office together 40 (OK, 50 or 60) hours a week, they’ve become entrenched in an addictive, ridiculous never-ending game of one-upmanship. There’s the Staring Game. The Mirror Game. The HR Game. Lucy can’t let Joshua beat her at anything—especially when a huge new promotion goes up for the taking. If Lucy wins this game, she’ll be Joshua’s boss. If she loses, she’ll resign. So why is she suddenly having steamy dreams about Joshua, and dressing for work like she’s got a hot date? After a perfectly innocent elevator ride ends with an earth-shattering kiss, Lucy starts to wonder whether she’s got Joshua Templeman all wrong. Maybe Lucy Hutton doesn’t hate Joshua Templeman. And maybe, he doesn’t hate her either. Or maybe this is just another game.”

This book is what finally pushed me into reading adult romances. Yeah, I had read a couple before this one, but this is the book that made me fall in love with the genre. I know it’s been talked about by most everyone, but if you haven’t read it yet, this summer is the perfect time (especially with the movie in the works)!

THE KISS QUOTIENT (THE KISS QUOTIENT #1) BY HELEN HOANG

Page Count: 333 pages Publisher: Berkley Release Date: June 5th, 2018 Purchase Options: Amazon, Indiebound, Barnes and Noble [ Click Here For My Full Review ]

“Stella Lane thinks math is the only thing that unites the universe. She comes up with algorithms to predict customer purchases — a job that has given her more money than she knows what to do with, and way less experience in the dating department than the average thirty-year-old. It doesn’t help that Stella has Asperger’s and French kissing reminds her of a shark getting its teeth cleaned by pilot fish. Her conclusion: she needs lots of practice — with a professional. Which is why she hires escort Michael Phan. The Vietnamese and Swedish stunner can’t afford to turn down Stella’s offer, and agrees to help her check off all the boxes on her lesson plan — from foreplay to more-than-missionary position… Before long, Stella not only learns to appreciate his kisses, but to crave all the other things he’s making her feel. Soon, their no-nonsense partnership starts making a strange kind of sense. And the pattern that emerges will convince Stella that love is the best kind of logic… ”

Firstly, if you aren’t a fan of series, don’t worry. This is just a series of companion novels, so you don’t have to commit to them. But trust me when I say, after reading this, you will want to. I just love this book so much. These characters are just absolutely amazing and you will not regret picking this up!

JOSH AND HAZEL’S GUIDE TO NOT DATING BY CHRISTINA LAUREN

Page Count: 309 pages Publisher: Gallery Books Release Date: September 4th, 2018 Purchase Options: Amazon, Indiebound, Barnes and Noble [ Click Here For My Full Review ]

“Hazel Camille Bradford knows she’s a lot to take—and frankly, most men aren’t up to the challenge. If her army of pets and thrill for the absurd don’t send them running, her lack of filter means she’ll say exactly the wrong thing in a delicate moment. Their loss. She’s a good soul in search of honest fun. Josh Im has known Hazel since college, where her zany playfulness proved completely incompatible with his mellow restraint. From the first night they met—when she gracelessly threw up on his shoes—to when she sent him an unintelligible email while in a post-surgical haze, Josh has always thought of Hazel more as a spectacle than a peer. But now, ten years later, after a cheating girlfriend has turned his life upside down, going out with Hazel is a breath of fresh air. Not that Josh and Hazel date. At least, not each other. Because setting each other up on progressively terrible double blind dates means there’s nothing between them…right?”

I have two Christina Lauren books on this list because I am addicted to their books. However, this one is by far my favorite of theirs. It’s a friends-to-lovers done so well, you won’t be able to put it down. I know I wasn’t able to.

RED, WHITE, AND ROYAL BLUE BY CASEY MCQUISTON

Page Count: 423 pages Publisher: St. Martin’s Griffin Release Date: May 14th, 2019 Purchase Options: Amazon, Indiebound, Barnes and Noble [ Click Here For My Full Review ]

“First Son Alex Claremont-Diaz is the closest thing to a prince this side of the Atlantic. With his intrepid sister and the Veep’s genius granddaughter, they’re the White House Trio, a beautiful millennial marketing strategy for his mother, President Ellen Claremont. International socialite duties do have downsides—namely, when photos of a confrontation with his longtime nemesis Prince Henry at a royal wedding leak to the tabloids and threaten American/British relations.

The plan for damage control: staging a fake friendship between the First Son and the Prince. Alex is busy enough handling his mother’s bloodthirsty opponents and his own political ambitions without an uptight royal slowing him down. But beneath Henry’s Prince Charming veneer, there’s a soft-hearted eccentric with a dry sense of humor and more than one ghost haunting him.

As President Claremont kicks off her reelection bid, Alex finds himself hurtling into a secret relationship with Henry that could derail the campaign and upend two nations. And Henry throws everything into question for Alex, an impulsive, charming guy who thought he knew everything: What is worth the sacrifice? How do you do all the good you can do? And, most importantly, how will history remember you?”

You all knew I would have to put this book on here. It’s my obsession. The love of my life. I know this book is getting a lot of hype right now, but let me tell you, it deserves all of it. This book is really something special. Not only is it an adorable romance with enemies-to-lovers and plenty of wit, but it’s also a powerful read that you don’t want to miss.

THE UNHONEYMOONERS BY CHRISTINA LAUREN

Page Count: 400 Publisher: May 14th, 2019 Release Date: Gallery Books Purchase Options: Amazon, Indiebound, Barnes and Noble [ Click Here For My Full Review ]

“Olive is always unlucky: in her career, in love, in…well, everything. Her identical twin sister Ami, on the other hand, is probably the luckiest person in the world. Her meet-cute with her fiancé is something out of a romantic comedy (gag) and she’s managed to finance her entire wedding by winning a series of Internet contests (double gag). Worst of all, she’s forcing Olive to spend the day with her sworn enemy, Ethan, who just happens to be the best man. Olive braces herself to get through 24 hours of wedding hell before she can return to her comfortable, unlucky life. But when the entire wedding party gets food poisoning from eating bad shellfish, the only people who aren’t affected are Olive and Ethan. And now there’s an all-expenses-paid honeymoon in Hawaii up for grabs. Putting their mutual hatred aside for the sake of a free vacation, Olive and Ethan head for paradise, determined to avoid each other at all costs. But when Olive runs into her future boss, the little white lie she tells him is suddenly at risk to become a whole lot bigger. She and Ethan now have to pretend to be loving newlyweds, and her luck seems worse than ever. But the weird thing is that she doesn’t mind playing pretend. In fact, she feels kind of… lucky.”

While Josh and Hazel’s Guide to Not Dating may be my favorite Christina Lauren book, this one is pretty close. Enemies-to-lovers, fake datings, and basically every other classic trope everyone loves found their way into this extremely fun read.

WELL MET BY JEN DELUCA

Page Count: 336 Publisher: Berkley Release Date: September 3rd, 2019 Purchase Options: Amazon, Indiebound, Barnes and Noble [ Click Here For My Review Teaser ]

“Emily knew there would be strings attached when she relocated to the small town of Willow Creek, Maryland, for the summer to help her sister recover from an accident, but who could anticipate getting roped into volunteering for the local Renaissance Faire alongside her teenaged niece? Or that the irritating and inscrutable schoolteacher in charge of the volunteers would be so annoying that she finds it impossible to stop thinking about him? The faire is Simon’s family legacy and from the start he makes clear he doesn’t have time for Emily’s lighthearted approach to life, her oddball Shakespeare conspiracy theories, or her endless suggestions for new acts to shake things up. Yet on the faire grounds he becomes a different person, flirting freely with Emily when she’s in her revealing wench’s costume. But is this attraction real, or just part of the characters they’re portraying? This summer was only ever supposed to be a pit stop on the way to somewhere else for Emily, but soon she can’t seem to shake the fantasy of establishing something more with Simon, or a permanent home of her own in Willow Creek.”

Okay, I know this one won’t be published until summer is over, but I need to mention it. It’s absolutely amazing! Seriously, it’s completely worth the wait. The relationship is so perfect, the characters are all amazing, and it takes place at a Ren Faire!!! What more could you ask for?

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What is your favorite summer romance? I really need some good recommendations!!

[yaboymercury]

Ripping 9 to 5 - Actor

(Re upload since original got flagged for the pic)

Simon was disappointed in Jake to say the least. Sure he was a great actor and sure he was getting all his lines down perfectly, but he wasn’t giving it enough time, literally. During rehearsals Simon would try and push the actors as far as they can go and he could tell his star Jake had more to offer and had the potential for a bigger role. But it was hard to do anything about the potential when he was constantly finding excuses to leave.

Whenever a scene was going on for too long or Simon was trying to push him to evolve as an actor he would start to look uncomfortable and almost demand to get off the stage. As the director Simon obviously found this problematic, especially since him falling for Jake’s charms was a lot of the reason why he got such a large role in the play.

But the interuptions were becoming an issue and since the play was practically Simon’s baby he knew he would have to do something about it.

On rehearsal that day Jake had been giving an amazing performance as always and Simon was enthralled, he couldn’t tell if it was the acting or Jake’s pleasing appearance. And fuck did Jake’s ass look good in those tight trousers which Simon made sure was part of his costuming. But as always right before Simon could give any constructive criticism of the scene, Jake made a contorted face and scrambled backstage.

Simon had enough and called for the rest of the cast to take a break, and began stalking Jake through the backstage area until he got to a corridor leading to many different rooms and it seems like Simon lost him.

About to give up Simon walked past the cleaning cupboard and heard what sounded like a deep powerful rumble and the faint sounds of relieved breathing. Despite the fear of the unknown Simon felt, if it was Jake behind the door he thought this was as better time than any to confront him. So he opened the door.

He was indeed greeted with the sight of Jake, the tall actor looking shocked being caught cramped inside a storage cupboard, he was also blushing which Simon worked out what was for when he noticed the tent Jake had in his trousers. But what was most shocking was the smell that practically burst out the cupboard, a deep cheesy stench hit Simon making him choke. The unmistakable smell of a fart.

So in spite of all the circumstances all Simon could say from behind the shirt he had pulled over his nose was:

“Fuck Jake did you fart?”

At the accusation Jake’s face quickly changed to irritation and he grabbed Simon’s shirt and pulled him into the small space.

“God get in here I’m not letting anyone else see me like this”

Simon was experiencing sensory overload being suddenly pulled into such a small space cramped with man he was undeniably attracted to, but still annoyed at, and the smell in the room was of stale but obvious flatulence.

“Ugh Jake what are you doing in here, and why’d you pull me in? Is this where you are always running off to? And why does it fucking reek?!?”

Simon’s barrage of questions left him breathless or maybe it was just the smell.

“Dude you’ve got to calm down.”

Simon did not appreciate how indifferent Jake was being but his chill response did calm the atmosphere and the fact that Simon felt the warmth of his breathe so close reminded him of just how close the two were in the cramped room. There was a slightly elongated pause where the two just looked at eachother not sure how to go on.

“But you were right earlier, there’s no point trying to hide it any more, I did fart, I fart a lot actually…”

It was weird to say the least for Simon to hear the dreamy young man say fart so casually, it just didn’t seem like it would be in his nature.

“And that’s why I come here to let it out when I have to, I don’t really want to embaress myself in front of the cast and well you especially.”

That last part confused Simon but he didn’t really have the ability to comprehend it at that time.

“I dunno I also kind of enjoy it, like I know you know how good it feels to let out a stinker right?"

Jake’s demeanour shifted to show his more boyish side but the question threw off Simon even more leaving him even more bewildered at the situation. Jake decided to continue his monologue feeling relieved to finally admit this to someone.

“Like seriously come on hear this and tell me you don’t think it feels amazing”

PHRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPT

Jake scrunched his face a little but still kept his smile as he leaned over to let out the massive blast, Simon had to admit that the vibrations filling the room must have had some satisfaction to it and he could see the pride on Jake’s face as he moaned a little letting it out. But he lost focus on all this when the smell of the fresh fart hit. It was like the tiny room had gained the concentrated smell of a long abandoned cheese shop, the rich rotten smell making Simon have to pinch his nose so as to not pass out immediately.

“Hah come on man it isn’t that bad!” He took a quick sniff and then a little cough “Okay maybe it is pretty rancid, mine tend to always be…”

Finally regaining some of his composure Simon knew that as much as he enjoyed the intimacy with his star actor, he had to remain professional, and also he was starting to think that if he remained in the hot cheesy stink any longer he might melt.

“Umm alright Simon, thanks for telling me about your umm, issue, but I have to get back now…”

As he fiddled with the door a little desperately, Jake was disappointed that his cute director was going so quickly, and he had so much gas left that he wouldn’t be able to follow him back to rehearsal for a while. He grew determined and put and arm on Simon to turn him around and face him, their noses now few centimetres apart.

“Come on Simon don’t go yet, I’ve actually got a few questions for you actually”

Scared but a little excited by the contact all he could mumble out was “What?”

“Firstly why is it that you’ve always got so much attention on me? I swear when I’m on stage you can’t take your eyes off me.”

It was obvious Jake was teasing him but all Simon could respond with was him stumbling over his words and avoiding eye contact, and the more he tried the more he knew he was digging himself a hole. Giggling at how nervous he was making him Jake carried on.

“And secondly why is it that I have to wear these damn trousers?”

As he said it he turned around in the closet and poked his ass out so it was almost touching Simon’s crotch.

“Like fuck these feel like they’re painted on they’re so damn tight, and I did hear you had some say in the costume design…. but hey at least they create some pretty good vibrations if you get what I mean?”

Finishing the sentence Jake winked and confirmed his suspicions when he backed his ass back into what was obviously Simon’s unwilling boner.

PHHHHHHHHHHHRAAAAAARPPP

It was almost like there wasn’t anything between Jake’s hole and Simon’s dick as the gas blasted out. Jake’s grunts letting the fart carry on and on, with the sound of Simon’s moaning at the sensation and the deafening rip of the fart created a cacophony of stinking sound in the tiny room. And it didn’t take long for the smell to waft into both of their noses. Jake taking a deep breathe and sighing enjoying basking in his wretched stink while Simon was gagging still not used to Jake’s powerful anal pheremones.

Simon’s knees went shaky as he slumped down onto the floor but his dick was still very much rigid.

“Fuck Simon I don’t think you understand how good it feels to just stink up a room like this, like my gas has made this closet it’s bitch, and well you as well…

Chuckling Jake realised he hadn’t had this much fun with his gas in ages. Looking down at the cute but barely conscious overstunk director he thought maybe he would treat him and then maybe he’d be more willing to come and accompany him the next times he had to relieve himself.

Simon couldn’t believe his eyes when right in front of him he saw Jake’s ass start to be free of the constrictions of the trousers, the two glowing cheeks making the rank crack in between them look inviting. But it seems the invitation wasn’t exactly optional as the gap between him and the crack closed and soon his nose and face were wedged in it.

Muffled Simon could make out Jake saying:

“I hope you don’t mind having a bit of a stinky siesta in here for a little while, I think it’ll do you some good you seem to overwork yourself, sometimes we need to let go off stuff like that, in fact I’ve got something I have to let go of now…”

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRARP

Being so close to the source did no favours for Simon’s practically destroyed nostrils and it didn’t take long before the rotting odour of Jake’s flatulence made him black out in his ass.

Peeling his ass off Simon’s face, Jake made sure to leave him in a comfortable position before he went to inform the rest of the cast they had day off. Once Simon woke up he couldn’t wait to show him how quickly he could stink up the entire stage.