#(the more i think abt it. the more it sucks. i wrote this post immediately after watching the movie) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ipegchangbin · 1 year ago

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HOLY SHIT Z WHAT THE HELL⁉️⁉️😟😟🤯🤯

NEVER HAVE I EVER READ A FIC THAT MADE MY PUSSY THROB THAT MUCH‼️‼️🤭🙁🥵🥵😳😳😱😱😱

I READ THAT THING LIKE FIVE 5️⃣🖐️🤯 TIMES AND TMI BUT I GOT OFF ON IT TOO BC DAMN WAS THAT GOOD😝😝😋😩😫‼️💕🙏💕

I WOOOOUULLDD DO LIKR A WHOLE ANALYSIS (hehe analysis 😼😼🤭😛) BUT UMMMM UR GIRL IS HIGHKEY ASS AT WORDS‼️‼️😥😰😱😭😫 LIKE POOKIE‼️😫 I LITERALLY FAILED ALL OF MY ENGLISH CLASSES BACK IN HIGHSCHOOL😀😀😀😀⁉️⁉️⁉️BUT AAAANNNYWAYS WHAY YHE HELL Z 😱😱🤯🤯

THE WRITING IS LITERALLY SO AMAZING🤩😍😝😋😋😋

WHY⁉️⁉️😡😡

WHO GAVE U THE MF RIGHT TO WRITE THIS GOOD😡⁉️⁉️⁉️😡🤬🤬😡🤬🤬😾

BUT FR POOKIE WHAT DO U PUT IN YOUR FICS BC🥴🥴🤤🤤🤤😵‍💫😵‍💫😵😵‍💫😵‼️‼️‼️

THERES BARELY ANY BOYPUSSY FICS OUT THERE WHICH IS DEVASTATING 🤬🤬🤬😓��😩😫😡🤬

UR MY SAVIOR Z‼️‼️🥹🥹🙌💕

ALSO YOUR ART OF BOYPUSSY HANNIE IS SO FUCKINF DELICIOUS LIKE I OPENED THAT LINK AND ZOOMED RIGHT ON THAT PUSSY AND I FUCKING DROOLED‼️‼️🥴🤧🤤🤤🤤💦💦 GUESS WHO TOUCHED HERSELF WHEN SHE SAW IT❓❓❓THATS RIGJT‼️‼️ ME😻☝️💕💕💦 I NEED MY MF MOUUUTYHH ON THAT JUICY MF PUSSSAAYYYYYY‼️‼️‼️🙏🙏😫😝👅💦

READER IS MUCH BETTER THAN ME🙌🙌🤧🤧 CAUSE IF IT WERE ME I WOULD’VE PUT THAT VIBRATOR IN HIM AND ATE THAT MF PUSSY OOOUUTTT AND SUCKED THE LIFE OUTTA THAT CLIT😝😝😛😋😋🙏🙏�� RIGHT AFTER HE SQUIRTED LIKE IM FR GONNA MAKE HIM SQUIRT AGAIN BUT THIS TIME IN MY MOUTH 😋😛😛😜💦💦🤪😍😍😍LIKE THIS TONGUE IS GONNA FUCKING ABUSE THAT ALREADY ABUSED CLIT EVEN MORE 👅👅💦💦‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️DID I MENTION I LOVE CLITS❓❓❓ IF NOT THEN I WILL NOW‼️‼️‼️ I LOVE CLITS‼️🙌😋 CLITS ARE SO FUCKING AMAZING‼️‼️😍😍😜😫🙌 EVERY TIME I SEE SOMETHING ABT STIMULATING A CLIT IM IMMEDIATELY BRICKED 🧱🧱🧱 UP⬆️☝️🆙👆CAUSE IF IT WERE ME I WOULDVE TIED SUNGIE UP WITH A VIBRATOR TO HIS CLIT AND LEAVE HIM THERE FOR HOOOUURRRSSS‼️♾️😝😛😫☝️😋💦 I WOULD SPEND THE WHHOLE MF DAY ON THAT DELICIOUS CLIT ‼️‼️😍😛😋🙌👅💦😽👉👌OH MY GOD I SOUND GAY ASF BUT IDC BC ITS PUSSY‼️‼️😻🫰WHO DOESNT LOVE PUSSY⁉️⁉️⁉️😾😾I LOVE PUSSY‼️‼️‼️😛😛👅😻😽🙌 I WOULD EAT HANNIES PUSSY OUT ALL DAY ALL WEEK ALL MONTH ALL YEAR ALL CENTURY‼️‼️‼️‼️😝😜😜😽 THAT PUSSY IS SO MF JUICY💦💦 WND DELICIOUS AND IS BEGGING TO GET TOUCHED‼️‼️🙌👉👌😋

anyways pookie keep up the good work, amazing writing as always!! <3 🥰🥰💕 (definitely not rereading it for the fifth time and getting off on it…nooooo definitely not… ☺️☺️)

OH YM GOD i just logged in and this is the first thing i see 😭 I FUCKING SEE U ANON‼️ u are very seen

ANON I LOVE U SO MUCH MORE WTF THE AMOUNT OF PRAISE THAT U POURED OVER THIS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 HAS BOYPUSSY BROKEN US BECAUSE IT SEEMS AS THOUGH IT HAS 😭😭😭 GOOD LORD and to think that this was supposedly just a private gift but mei is kind and i was able to post it … NOW IM SO GLAD I SHARED IT BC U HAVE FOOD TO EAT MY DEAREST ANON 😁

“ure my savior” yo…yo dont perceive me as messiah itll inflate the shit out of my ego /j and give me impostor syndrome /hj BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS gosh i cldnt stop giggling u made my day with these compliments like im just Some Guy but because of ur words i am now Some *Happy* Guy

and omg! URE RIGHT MAYBE SHOVING THE VIBE IN AND EATING HANNIES PRETTY BOY CLIT OUT WOULDVE BEEN SO GOOD…but then again…TEASING THE BOY JUST FEELS SATISFYING ‼️‼️ i love hannie and his clit actually i love pussy in general i wish i had boypussy especially boyclit in my mouth rn (in a non sexual casual way) (which was what reader intended) (until y/n and han both went CRAZY)

i wont lie this ask gave me massive eye strain from the emojis /pos like that brings me joy ?! its an impressive thought to know that somebody out there is losing their mind over silly words i wrote and a few lines that i drew. CRAZYYYY thats crazy?!!!

ill keep this entire ask, print it into a booklet form, and reread it as if its a mini prayer guide. i cant anon ure so silly and precious HAHAHAH hope u have the nicest day always!

#failing english and yet conveying ur Very Normal Boypussy Feelings via tumblr ask is a Communication skill btw U SHOULDVE GOTTEN PERFECT!#<3 pookie anon #lovely isnt enough as an adjective tbh u need the crown #💌 ipeginbox

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ayyezhongli · 3 years ago

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dom student council pres zhongli x troublemaker childe

Guess who’s back :D Back with some zhonchi smut for all u sinners. Note: Theres a lot of spelling errors bc when i wrote this i was telling it to a friend n they said i should post this n i’m too lazy to edit it so yeah! enjoy <3

summary kinda: child did something n is now stuck in detention with zhongli being a kinky president of the student council watching him.

so childe is bored asf n tries seducing zhongli. but childe has always had a crush on zhongli. thats why he misbehaves to get his attention.

so zhongli says “ur here again” n sighs

“yup did you miss me?! dont answer that bc ik you did”

n zhongli sighs again all annoyed n shit

“seems you never learn”

“maybe i’m jus here bc i love n want to see you everyday”

n zhongli taking that as sarcasm rolls his eyes

“i doubt that.”

and so for like 30mins childe is making all these noises to get zhongli’s attention and annoy him which it works. and zhongli having enough of it already decides that he needs to be punished. so he gets up n walks over to the desk childe is sitting at cups his face with his hand grinning

“u rly like to get on my nerves dont you~…..” and childe’s tryna contain himself

“is it working~?”

“idk pretty boy….wanna find out for urself~…..”

n zhongli is like inches away from childe’s face. n childe still keeping his composure decides to tease back hoping to get what he’s longed for for so long.

“idk do i~?….”

and zhongli leans in n jus as hes abt to kiss childe he pulls away and walks back over to the teachers desk and childe is really disappointed bc he thought he finally had it but jus lost it. so zhongli goes back to working on his paperwork while childe is just furious.

”Is this how u treat everyone?! tease them and leave them with nothing. take advantage of us!!”

n zhongli bursts out laughing putting his papers in a neat stack

”ur quite interesting childe, if i said it was jus u would that make u feel better??”

and childe huffs rolling his eyes still rly pissed off.

“did u want more? were you expecting something more from me? something else?”

n childe blushing looks away

“fuck off”

n zhongli gets mad at the response and pulls out one of those long ass rulers n gets up n starts walking to childe.

“thats no way to speak to the student council president. you need to be punished”

so zhongli sets the ruler aside still pissed asf

“get up.” childe ignores.

”get up right now.” childe still ignores.

so zhongli grabs the ruler smacking it against the desk childe is at.

“GET UP RIGHT NOW!”

n childe jumps a little and gets up

“ok ok chill”

so childe walks over to zhongli n stands in front of him.

“im gonna punish n force you into submission until u completely submit to me”

childe laughs

“no way. you really think u can do that? just try”

“oh i will. just watch me”

(a/n: in this fic childe has bright pink sensitive nipples bc ughh 😩🤌🏾 well both of them have bright pink nipples but zhonglis r rly sensitive.)

so zhongli turns childe around n starts grinding against him causing childe to moan ever so slightly.

“do u like that~?”

n childe tryna keep his composure laughs to cover up a moan. n zhongli looks down and grins seeing childe’s hard erection through his clothes.

so zhongli reaches down n starts palming childe causing slightly louder moans to come out of his mouth.

“your so hard for me childe….what a naughty slutty little boy~“

childe loses it bc zhongli is finally saying the things he’s been dreaming of him saying. so zhongli amused starts licking the shell of his ear biting and nibbling it which makes childe blush harder. so zhongli reaches his hand down into childe’s pants and boxers and wraps his hand around childe’s dick which he almost cums. so zhongli starts pumping him n not even 30s he throws his head back on zhonglis shoulder n cums letting out a loud moan

“fuck zhongli~…..”

zhongli smirks very amused

“so quick to cum~ do i rly turn u on that much~?”

n childe fights the urge to nod his head and submit. he’s not going down without a fight.

“no i was just pent up. why would i be for someone like you!!”

zhongli snickers and slides his hands up childes shirt n starts taking it off.

“not submitting yet i see~….”

“did u think it would be that easy asshole? ha!”

so zhongli turns childe around.

“you should just give up now! your not go-“

n zhongli interrupts him with a passionate kiss. a long deep one filled with sexual tension n desire. he leaves childe blushing like crazy and gasping for air.

“what was that? i didnt catch the last part, say that again.”

“i said that i’m never gonna sub-“

n zhongli interrupts him again. same thing happens like 2 more times until childe gives up.

“can u repeat that one more time?”

and childe looks away with a annoyed expression on his face

“glad that shut u up~”

so then zhongli looks childe up and down bites his lip causing childe to blush.

“you’re kinda cute…i think i can use u….”

n childe blushes more

“and these nipples….”

zhongli says while pinching them making childe arch his back and moan loudly.

“they look pink and innocent…but when i pinch n twist them like this…”

childe lets out n even louder moan with a face flushed even more n drool running down the side of his mouth

“….you make such naughty noises and that really turns me on.”

and so zhongli continues pinch n play with them and then starts marking his neck.

“what if i made u mine hmm? my little fuck toy? or how abt pet?? you could be of some use to me….”

and all childe can do is whimper. so zhongli has him bend over on the teachers desk and pulls down childe’s pants. and he like squeezes childes plump round ass and caresses it before grabbing the ruler and spanking him with it which causes childe to moan n cum immediately.

“ur such a slutty masochist”

n childe groans n is like stuttering his words

“w-w-well ur so fucking sadis-“

n zhongli spanks him not with the ruler this time but his hand n childe jus looses it.

“ready to submit….?”

n childe tryna keep the ounce of pride he has left shakes his head.

“no!”

zhongli spanks him again.

“how abt now?”

“No!”

n so zhongli gets an idea n sticks his fingers inside childe’s mouth.

“suck”

childe does so n a minute later zhongli pulls them out.

“what are you gonna d- ahh!”

and zhongli’s fingers are wiggling around inside childe tryna get him prepared. childe has just completely lost it. he’s drooling all over the desk, moaning so loudly that if there was people here they would be able to hear, clinging onto the edge of the desk like his life is on the line.

“f-fuck zhongli…ahhh”

he’s a panting slutty mess. a fee mins later zhongli pulls his fingers out n takes off his own pants and boxers lining himself up to childes entrance. he inserts only the tip of his dick causing childe to go even more crazy if thats even possible n moan so fucking loud. but its been long enough. he wants more. more of zhongli inside him. he wants all. all of zhongli inside him. so he whimpers n cries out zhongli’s name.

“whats the problem sweetheart?”

zhongli says grinning from ear to ear.

“pls..”

childe says desperately

“pls what?”

”pls zhongli i-….”

“you…? gotta tell me what u want otherwise i wont know.”

“pls i want more of u….!!”

“beg for more than.”

“Zhongli pls i want ur cock inside me so bad. pls i’ll do anything!! just fuck me already!!”

“anything…?”

zhongli says slipping half way inside him.

“y-y-yes just pls fuck me!!”

n zhongli, a very satisfied man jus starts pounding into him hitting his g spot every time.

“Fuck! fuck! fuck! FUCK! ZHONGLI PLS SLOW DOWN AHH~!!”

n that only makes zhongli speed up and childe cums like multiple times. after a while, giving a few last thrusts zhongli comes for the second time inside childe. and pulls out while childe just drops to the floor completely unable to move or anything. jus a panting blushing hot slutty mess with zhongli’s cum dripping out of him. all pride lost. pulling his pants and boxers back on zhongli lifts him up to his feet and bc childe has no strength he just falls onto zhongli resting his head on his shoulder.

“now that you’ve completely submit to me, ur all mine~….mine to do whatever i pls with. mine and only mine. No one else….”

and childe jus nods groaning bc of the pain.

”i hope u learned ur lesson now. unless…. you wanna comeback again for another visit…”

n childe jus groans again.

“i see the way you look at me childe….a look filled with lust and desire…its really quite a turn on~….. you look so desperately….so needy….so vulnerable…the amount of times i wanted to bend you over and fuck u so hard until you cant walk is too much to count. i wanted to make you mine so no one else could have that innocent slutty little boy who’s just oozing with sexual desire. any man or woman would get turned on n wanna have there way with you. u needed to be protected and only by me.”

so zhongli grinds his teeth bc of how possessive he is.

“so no one but me can fuck u stupid. and now that ur finally mine…i dont have to worry abt it so much as before”

n so zhongli strokes childe’s hair n plants a kiss on his head.

“you’re my precious little play thing.”

and childe, burying his face into zhongli’s chest smiles bc thats all he ever wanted. and then he looks up at zhongli as zhongli looks down at him smiling.

“zhongli…?”

”yes?”

“if all u said was true….why were u such an asshole to me. you were stricter on me than others, ruder to me than others, tougher on me then others….so why?”

“why?”

zhongli chuckles n childe nods

“to keep a good reputation, but i also wanted to push you, everytime u got angry and gave me attitude it only turned me on. which is why i kept going….does that answer ur question?”

n childe grunts

“u sadistic fuck!”

n zhongli laughs

“says the one who got turned on every time i public humiliated or yelled at you….”

“thats not true!!”

“uh-huh…the sexual energy u admit would become stronger and i could hear your breathing getting heavier with breathy tiny moans and u would always part ur lips slightly and rub ur thighs together and on top of that, ur eyes squint ever so slightly.”

childe was speechless bc this whole time he thought he was being slick.

“w-w-well that doesnt matter!”

childe said huffing and zhongli only chuckled and kissed his head.

“hey childe…”

“what!”

“i love you….”

childe was blushing like crazy. never in a million years did he think zhongli would say that.

“you can’t just go randomly saying those things?!!”

childe said burying his face deeper into zhonglis chest.

“b-but i love you too i guess…”

he mumbled and zhongli smirked.

“look at me.”

childe looked up into zhonglis ambers eyes embarrassed asf.

“wh-wh-what is it?”

“you’re really cute yk.”

n zhongli leaned down slightly and kissed him before he could say anything else. the end :)

thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed even though its formatted weird and kinda sorta a story. 🥰

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seerofmike · 4 years ago

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The Writing In Apex Kinda Sucks And Also They Use Ship Bait As A Plot Device I Hate It Here

a stupid essay/rant encouraged by @zombiegloss that originally started as a youtube video script so if its like. weird at points. this was intended to be a verbal rant SNZISKSIA

basically i'm gonna talk abt the caustic-wattson-crypto relationship drama and how i think it was mishandled and how much the writers kind of Suck because i Can

you are free to disagree with me on any of my points and think that this aspect of the story was handled well, this is just my opinion, and i'd love to hear your thoughts and counterpoints !

first, addressing some things:

i know this is a battle royale and not necessarily a story-based game, so i can’t expect it to have masterful witcher-style writing.

but with the direction the game seems to be going; putting quests, evolving interactions, and comics in the game, plus coming out with a lore book and hinting at something bigger in the future, i think it’s fair to criticize it for lackluster writing, especially since what i’m criticizing has been something present since Apex’s story technically began.

secondly, i am not a professional writer. i’m a high schooler who writes as a hobby. i don’t have the decades of experience that some of the apex writers do, and i can’t claim to be a better writer than they are--but i also don’t have to be a five-star chef to realize that something tastes bad. when i critique something and give suggestions, i am not saying i could’ve done it better. i’m just bringing up what i think could have worked.

third, before i upset anyone , when i say a relationship is badly written, i’m not telling you that you can’t ship it or that your ship sucks. i’ll briefly touch on the shipping aspect of this and how it’s a detriment to the story but Ye

okay, so with that out of the way, let us Begin

relationships are often the emotional core of a story, and how strong your reaction is to conflict in these relationships depends on how the story sets them up. if you want the audience to care about these characters and what they go through, you need to develop them and establish the type of relationship they have well. it’s why so many people cried in the last episode of telltale’s the walking dead. you’ve spent roughly 12 hours bonding with clementine and protecting her, and your relationship with her is part of several story beats as well as character beats for lee.

when these two characters’ relationship reaches its peak at the end of the game, it’s powerful, and it’s emotional. you care. you feel something, and the fact that you have to choose what to do to lee only makes it more gut-wrenching.

now, the walking dead is entirely story-based and especially character-driven, so it may be unfair to compare it to apex, but i just wanted to lay the groundwork down for what i think is a strong relationship that makes you feel something when conflict arrives, in this case the conflict being lee getting bit and clementine having to decide his fate.

the broken ghost in general is kind of not-good sometimes, tom casiello previously wrote for soap operas and you can really, REALLY tell sometimes.

this story feels like it should’ve taken place a little later, and that we should’ve had a season to actually set up the characters and their relationships, but that’s a story for another day.

to put it bluntly, the set-up for the crypto, wattson, and caustic conflict is done poorly. for caustic and wattson's relationship it’s a little better, but not by much.

wattson and caustic having a relationship was hinted at in season 2, when her lore indicated that caustic was among one of the Legends who comforted her after her father died. In season four lore materials posted on Twitter, an email from Jacob Young states that Caustic is acting paternal towards Wattson. In season five, interactions get added to the Game, and this is the first time we actually see their relationship in action, as they have unique revive voice lines for each other. in the quests, when wattson is injured, caustic lashes out at loba and attacks her out of what seems to be anger at wattson’s current state.

Side Note this plot point was really stupid and done for cheap drama because she literally wakes up like two chapters later and they don’t even give her anything to say it’s just suddenly oh yeah crypto and wattson are working together. the same exact injury thing happens to octane later but nobody gIVES A SHIT because again, it’s just cheap soap opera drama.

their relationship might seem a little bit sudden for anyone who wasn’t on top of twitter lore drops, but like, it’s okay, i guess. i’ll give it the slightest credit for at least establishing something between the two in terms of voice lines and stuff, even if for some it might seem like it came out of nowhere.

what did come out of nowhere, though, was crypto and wattson’s friendship. in the quests, crypto and wattson are tasked with rebuilding the broken ghost because of their respective skills, and they’re seen talking in chapter six while they work on it. we’re not really given a clear timeline on how long the story in the broken ghost is, but i think it takes about a week, maybe.

unlike wattson and caustic, their relationship has been given absolutely zero material to work with before now, not even a passing glance in the trailers--which is a little weird considering crypto took down the repulsor tower and destroyed wattson’s home, but. Whatever.

tl dr of the chapter: crypto and wattson talk to each other while doing nerd shit, crypto laughs at wattson’s bad pun, and then suddenly they’re BESTIEEEES, until a couple dozen lines later in the same chapter. then they’re Not.

crypto’s drone gets hacked by revenant while everyone was kind of on edge after the reveal of a spy in their midst, he gets framed as the spy by caustic, anddddd wattson gets upset.

before i get into how dumb this storyline is, i’m gonna talk about the set-up to this conflict.

we have been given no reason to believe that these characters have ever talked to each other, and quite frankly, their friendship doesn’t really make sense.

ignoring the fact that crypto destroyed wattson’s home--which she probably doesn’t know about, so that’s forgiven for now--crypto is a paranoid guy. in the lore book he makes people stand on fucking footprints in his house so he can scan them for weapons and listening devices, and he apparently doesn’t stick around much after the games and nobody knows anything about him because he doesn’t talk to them.

a key part of crypto’s story is the fact that he is undercover and afraid of anyone finding out anything about him ever. him becoming friends with wattson kind of comes out of the blue, and we’re not even given a reason as to why they supposedly became close in the first place. i would kind of understand if like, maybe he draws parallels with her and mila in his mind and it makes him open up a little more, but that doesn’t happen. he just laughs at her joke and suddenly they’re friends.

maybe they’re trying to go for this ‘wattson can become friends with anybody’ angle, kind of hinted at with caustic but not really we’ll get into that, but that also? kind of doesn’t make sense since so many of her voice lines straight-up say she doesn’t understand people and electricity is more her thing, but honestly, she also does have those really friendly elements in her voice lines too, so its not as egregious as what they did with crypto.

their sudden out-of-the-blue friendship would’ve been fine if they spent a little more time fleshing it out, and giving us something to work with, but instead, the story immediately tries to rip it apart and frame it as this grand conflict where crypto is framed as the mole, crypto then accuses caustic, and wattson feels betrayed.

except it doesn’t really work, because we don’t give a shit. for several reasons.

one: crypto and wattson became friends and then ended their friendship in the same exact chapter. they did not speak to each other onscreen until this chapter began, you can read the entire quest on the wiki and see for yourself that their interactions up until that point were nonexistent aside from mentions in the narration that they were building something together.

the reason wattson feels betrayed is kind of stupid too. why does she really care that much if one of them betrayed loba? nobody else really cared about the fact that one of them was a spy, in fact, nobody even seems to like loba that much, and they just found out that loba’s been lying to them this whole time, and wattson was conscious for that conversation and had a speaking line, so she’s fully aware of the situation.

maybe it’s just like, the idea that one of them lied, but that’s still kind of a weak reason.

this entire betrayal thing is just dumb, and it gets even worse when you realize that there could have been an actual legitimate reason for wattson to feel betrayed by crypto--even if it still would’ve come across as weak conflict because of their newly established friendship, it would’ve made more sense than this.

Crypto destroyed Wattson’s home. He took down the tower and then all the flyers and stuff invaded Kings Canyon and made it their bitch. Not only that, but Wattson considers the Syndicate her family. The Syndicate are the very people who framed Crypto for murder and he’s trying to take them down.

They could’ve set up actual conflict with these things, and it almost seemed like they would, because Caustic briefly brings up that Crypto could be working with Revenant because he has something against the Syndicate but then that doesn’t really go anywhere and we’re just back to Wattson feeling betrayed because either Crypto or Caustic was a spy and she doesn’t know who.

Weak conflict could’ve been made better by a strong relationship and a weak relationship could’ve still been interesting with strong conflict, but both the relationship between Crypto and Wattson and the conflict that drives them splitting up as friends were really weak and didn’t make much sense.

It would’ve been ten times more interesting if Wattson found out Crypto ruined her home, the arena she grew up in, and was now participating in the Games to take out the people she regards as her family. That’s where her distrust could’ve manifested and conflict could’ve began, but instead it was the stupid betraying loba thing. why do you care. you just started talking to this guy like 2 hours ago.

also caustic’s whole reason for framing crypto feels stupid as fuck. he didn’t just frame crypto randomly, he framed him specifically because he doesn't want him to influence wattsob because he likes her Big Brain, but this is the FIRST time we have seen those two interact.

what influence is he talking about? wraith and wattson have been shown to be friendly with each other in the trailers, according to tom’s tweets, and in the story too so why doesn’t he frame her? at this point the audience had slightly more build-up for those two’s relationship than crypto and wattson and a betrayal storyline would’ve felt a little more deserved if still weak.

this is the point where i briefly want to touch upon shipping, and the fact that part of this conflict feels driven by shipbait.

aside from their relationship coming out of nowhere and the writers trying to make the stakes seem high and deeply emotional to the characters involved (despite this essentially being the first time they’ve ever interacted) tom casiello literally addresses shippers in a tweet regarding chapter seven, and as the story between these characters progresses, it becomes clear to me, at least that the crypto-wattson thing is just bait for shippers, and it’s lazy.

it’s easy to get away with giving your characters little to no relationship development if you’re just counting on shippers to do the heavy mental lifting for you

why should i put any effort into making this relationship seem believable? people are going to see a young guy and a young girl having bare minimum interaction and assume there’s romantic interest! then i don’t have to do any work, see look, it’s a ready-made relationship wrapped in a bow for me! all that’s left for me to do is give them conflict so i can keep teasing shippers with lines like ‘you never deserved her’!

i think it’s reasonable for me to suspect shipbait, since tom casiello likes doing darksparks shipbait on twitter, and i’m like, eighty percent sure mirage and bloodhound suddenly being childhood friends in the book is shipbait too, because these characters were the number one ship in apex for a long time despite little to no interaction, and then all of a sudden in the lore book they’re childhood friends despite this literally never being mentioned before?

like bloodhound is set up to be mysterious and nobody knows what they look like, or where they’re from, or who their family is--except for mirage Apparently, who played with them when he was a kid on their home planet, and has seen them with their mask off, because bloodhound did not wear a mask when their parents were still alive.

its weird.

i’m pretty sure they’ve said somewhere they were working on this book before apex even came out, so i could just be completely wrong and they always planned for mirage and bloodhound to know each other, but if that’s the case, why did they never mention it like they did octane and lifeline?

i refuse to believe MIRAGE never brought it up either like ‘heeeeyy bloodhound remember when we used to throw eggs at our parents lab haha wanna go do to that to bangalore’s room’

[silence]

‘good talk buddy’

ANYWAYS I GOT OFF TOPIC. POINT IS, shipping is a detriment to the story because the writers don’t feel like they actually have to put any work into establishing or developing the relationship between characters when they know the community’s just going to do it for them anyways, and that they can put in shipbait and it’s fine and it makes sense when it really doesn’t.

imagine watching captain america civil war after not seeing a single other marvel movie.

why would you care about the avengers splitting up or tony and steve butting heads or steve’s commitment to bucky? you wouldn’t care, at least not as much as someone who’s seen all the movies and knows the relationship between the characters and why the sokovia accords exist in the first place. you don’t have context and you don’t have any reason to be emotionally invested in these characters’ relationship.

this feels like that. the writers tried to squeeze this relationship and stuff into a single chapter and we don’t fucking care unless we were already invested in the idea of their relationship (shippers) because we barely spent any time with it.

so to summarize this little section, the set-up of this storyline Kinda Sucks! crypto and wattson barely seem to know each other, because we the audience barely saw them together and the writers are relying on shipbait in place of a relationship.

wattson and caustic are a little better but not great, but the conflict is stupid and it only gets stupider.

moving onto summarizing the rest of the broken ghost, gibraltar and caustic talk, caustic LITERALLY confesses to being the mole and says he framed crypto so he couldn’t corrupt wattson and to appear innocent because his identity was suspected, then that wraps up the season storyline.

season six begins with new voice lines, where wattson has had enough of crypto and caustic’s shit and is all passive-aggressive and going ‘this doesn’t change anything’. she has to decide who to trust, and how to figure out The Truth for herself because she’s not a little girl anymore. crypto and caustic are both trying to convince her they’re innocent and it creates some interesting conflict.

just kidding. it’s terrible conflict. you want to know why?

BECAUSE GIBRALTAR TRIED TO TELL HER THE TRUTH, RIGHT AFTER THE SEASON 5 QUEST HAPPENED, AND SHE LITERALLY REFUSED TO HEAR IT.

LIKE THERE’S A SEASON 6 LOADING SCREEN WHERE HE’S TELLING EVERYONE THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED, AND WHEN HE GETS TO WATTSON AND IS LIKE HEY I KNOW WHO THE MOLE WAS AND WHY THEY DID IT, SHE JUST GOES i dont wanna hear it. i need to think

IF YOU WANT THE TRUTH WHY ARE YOU REFUSING TO HEAR IT

SHE SPENDS ALMOST TWO ENTIRE SEASONS MAD AT CRYPTO FOR SOMETHING HE DIDN’T DO BECAUSE SHE TOLD GIBRALTAR TO FUCK OFF WHEN HE TRIED TO TELL HER WHAT HAPPENED

ITS SO DUMB

i think it was towards the end of season 6 or the beginning of season 7 where apex posted this picture of wattson asleep at her desk where she has a letter from gibraltar on it that looks like it tells her the truth, so she knows now, she knows what happened, but NOW her issue is the fact that she doesn’t know anything about crypto.

WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT IS YOUR GODDAMN DAMAGE. YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT BLOODHOUND EITHER ARE YOU THIS UPSET WITH BLOODHOUND TOO?? HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO PATHFINDER. DO YOU HATE PATHFINDER TOO

oh but she was friends with crypto and now she’s mad that he lied to her EXCEPT THEIR RELATIONSHIP WASN’T BUILT UP WELL SO IT JUST FEELS STUPID. THEY SPENT LONGER BEING NOT-FRIENDS THAN THEY SPENT BEING FRIENDS. THEY BECAME FRIENDS IN ONE CHAPTER AND THEN IMMEDIATELY AT THE END OF THAT CHAPTER THEIR FRIENDSHIP ENDED AND THEN WATTSON SPENT LIKE 2 SEASONS MAD AT HIM FOR SOMETHING HE DIDN’T DO .

AND THE WRITERS TRIED TO RECTIFY THIS BY SAYING OH SHE’S NOT MAD ABOUT THE TRAITOR THING SHE’S MAD BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM AND IT’S LIKE WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NOT MAKE THAT CLEAR WHY DOES SHE SAY ‘IT DOESN’T CHANGE WHAT YOU DID’ IN HER VOICE LINES WHY DOES SHE CALL HIM A TRAITOR IF HER CONFLICT WAS HER NOT KNOWING MUCH ABOUT HIM . WHAT DID HE DO.

HE JUST STOOD THERE AND LAUGHED AT HER JOKE AND THEN HE GOT FRAMED AND THEN THAT WAS THE END OF THE CHAPTER AND NOW SHES SUDDENLY LIKE IM ACTUALLY MAD BECAUSE YOURE A LIAR AND I CANT TRUST YOU EVEN THOUGH I NOW KNOW YOU WERE FRAMED I STILL DO NOT LIKE YOU AND HES LIKE YEAH THATS MY FAULT

The Caustic voicelines are stupid too, again his reason for framing Crypto was stupid and a lot of his voicelines just seem to be that shipbait thing again but like from the angle of overprotective dad who doesn’t like the new boyfriend. it’s stupid but not as egeregious as this next part which is

crypto telling wattson his identity.

CRYPTO was framed for MURDER and is paranoid and can’t trust anyone and doesn’t talk to anyone and the last time he did talk to someone he got framed for Another thing and the person he was talking to turned her back on him and actively refused to know the truth for like 2 seasons and then he went This Is Fine I Can Tell Her My Identity

the stupidest update to this storyline was crypto telling wattson the truth

why did they do it on the dropship where there are presumably syndicate members and other legends around.

why didn’t he scan wattson for listening devices like he did for pathfinder in the book.

why is he telling her his identity when he knows she has very close ties to the people that FRAMED HIM for MURDER. Does he trust her that much? WHY? They spoke to each other in a chapter and then spent two seasons not talking to each other beyond passive-aggressive BS. why are you so fucking stupid taejoon

their relationship was so poorly set-up that even if the writers maybe intended for them to come across as close friends who had spent weeks bonding, it really feels like they became friends in a single conversation, had a falling out, and now crypto suddenly trusts her with his identity after an undetermined amount of time because he wants to be friends again.

that does not make SENSE this conflict feels contrived AS FUCK and the resolution feels even worse and unearned UGGGHHHH

it honestly comes across as crypto feeling desperate for friendship, and maybe this would’ve worked better if that’s the angle they played it as.

he’s been alone for roughly two years, and just wants a friend, and he’s honestly so lonely he just breaks down to the first person who’s really talked to him. it could’ve been an interesting little part of his character, and they could've gone into depth about how much this situation has affected him, but that’s not what they’re doing. he’s still paranoid and anxious and doesn’t trust anyone, except for wattson, because the plot needs him to or else there won’t be any stupid soap opera drama.

and to rub salt in the wound, wattson’s new voice lines with caustic have him telling her that she forgave crypto.

WHAT ARE YOU FORGIVING HIM FOR. ARE YOU FORGIVING HIM FOR BEING FRAMED? WHY DID HE HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU WHEN YOU WERE THE ONE WHO REFUSED TO HEAR THE TRUTH?

did the conversation just go hey my real name is taejoon park and something bad happened to me and she went aight i forgive you WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

Caustic’s new voice lines to Crypto where he’s like ‘what did you tell her’--YOU TOLD GIBRALTAR STRAIGHT-UP YOUR EVIL MASTER PLAN LIKE A SUPERVILLAIN AND NOW YOU’RE SURPRISED WATTSON AND CRYPTO ARE ON GOOD TERMS NOW?!

THAT’S LIKE TELLING SOMEONE YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER AND THEN BEING SURPRISED WHEN YOU BECOME THE VICTIM OF IDENTITY FRAUD. YOU SET YOURSELF UP FOR THIS WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE CRYPTO DID SOMETHING SINISTER OR LIED OR WHATEVER. WHAT THE FUCK. WHY DO YOU HAVE LIKE 3 BRAINCELLS

this is at like ten pages already so i’m going to just try and wrap this up quickly.

it’s frustrating seeing this storyline play out when there are actually good relationships and storylines written into apex. i’m kind of getting tired of the loba and revenant conflict, but we at least had set-up to it in the form of a few animated shorts and it doesn’t play out as stupidly as this story does. bangalore and loba’s friendship is actually developed well, even if the point between the end of season 5 and season 6 where they suddenly talk like each other feels like it could’ve used a little more.

where crypto and wattson having an established friendship in the broken ghost failed, lifeline and octane’s established friendship works because we’ve been told since octane’s release they were childhood friends and given lore materials that indicate they’ve known each other for a very long time.

apex wants this storyline between crypto and wattson and caustic to feel dramatic and tense and ultimately rewarding when crypto and wattson did become friends for real and stuff, but instead it just comes across as hollow and empty.

there’s nothing there. it’s a case of tell, don’t show, and it looks like this stupid conflict is gonna keep going for another couple of seasons at this rate.

side note: this entire script was written before the new twitter comics

please tell me ur thoughts and feel free to respond with ur own lil essay

also believe it or not this is not the "shipping is a detriment to apex's story" essay i was gonna write this is a completely different essay that has some overlap SKXISOSOW

#apex legends #apex critical #crypto #wattson

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commander-diomika · 3 years ago

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I am Very Tipsy (okay I'm drunk so sorry about spelling but also ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) but I just wanted to say that since I started reading your rqg series I have not been able to stop thinking about it! I mean the fucking development of it all just really gets to me it's incredible, don't get me wrong i like most interpretations of their relationship but there's just a soft spot for me when it comes to 'if I wasn't stuck with you we never would have gotten past how incredibly annoying you are' like every interaction they have pre-timeskip is deliberately pissing the other off and I feel like a lot of writers kinda side step it (again not a criticism) and I just love that you can feel the frustration when you write them. I mean in 'always forgive your enemies' you've got Zolf trying desperately to be like "no I've grown as a person it's been a long time he's clearly been through Some Stuff and maybe we'll be able to work together" and then Wilde says 1 sentence and zolfs immediately like "actually no fuck you I was right to not give a shot when you got tossed off a ship you're a tool" and the development of that to I don't like you but we've gotta work to whether to I don't dislike you but your friend sucks and no I'm not jealous what the fuck are you talking about to the terrified guilty rage if not being listened to but oh gods is he gonna be okay in 'experience' (along with just the utter heartbreak of Wilde almost reaching out to Zolf because yeah he does trust him now but then remembering that this is contagious and what if hes infected and what if it's HIS fault that Zolf gets sick and immediately shutting down and putting himself through a week in solitary IN THE ROOM HE SHARED WITH BOSIE SURROUNDED BY THOSE MEMORIES TOTALLY TRAPPED WITH THAT KNOWLEDGE BY THE PERSON HE TRUSTS BY HIS OWN ORDERS I MEAN FUCK DUDE and the kind of flirting except no I'm not but I mean if *you* were I wouldn't not be????? In 'the country' and 'talked about' and even then there's so many guards up and there's so much in the way - the blame the self loathing the guilt and the anger of it all AND the whole theres 2 people who had never met before we introduced them who shouldn't work are doing WHAT in quarantine (and also 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀) AND FUCK DUDE THE LATEST INSTALLMENT!? IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT SINCE YOU RELEASED IT HOLY FUCK! THE UNFAIRNESS OF THE SITUATION THE BETRAYAL OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT HUT THE ONLY THING YOU CAN BLAME IS THE CIRCUMSTANCE THE ONLY ONES YOU CAN CURSE ARE THE GODS BECAUSE THIS ISNT HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO! THIS ISNT FAIR! WILDE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO MAKE THAT DECISION FOR HIMSELF ZOLF SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO FEEL TRUSTED THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO FEEL SAFE AND TRUSTED AND WHOLE AND TOGETHER AND THIS FUCKING INFECTION TOOK THAT! IT FORCED WILDE TO TALK ABOUT IT IN CIRCUMSTANCES HE COULDN'T CHOOSE! IT MADE ZOLF KNOW ABOUT BEFORE HED ACTUALLY BEEN TRUSTED WITH IT! AND IT WAS SO FUCKING UNFAIR AND DUDE IT WAS INCREDIBLE I JUST CANT ARTICULATE HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT AND THE WHOLE DISCUSSION JUST GOD IM YELLING IN MY OWN HEAD BUT NONE OF THE WORDS EXIST! I know a while ago you said you'd read something and you weren't sure about your own writing but Hank oh my fucking god please know that I've been thinking about what you wrote for the last month, I've been talking about it to my friends I'm so hyped for anything you have to write and I have no idea where you want to go with this or what points you plan to hit and everytime I get a notification I'm both excited and terrified and I just love it so fucking much your writing is incredible

Ooh my friend I have been waiting for your comment since I posted "Punish", I have come to enjoy your tipsy insights because yeah!! You get it! These fkn onion boys and their LAYERS of barriers they've both got up around intimacy (and yes I absolutely LOVED contrasting that with Barnes and Carter who in my head canon met like... 6 weeks ago? And just blew straight past any agonising over what it meant and got on with it. There's more of them in the next scene too BTW).

As soon as I decided I wanted to tackle the time gap with a trans Wilde, the strip inspections were the first thing I knew I'd have to wrestle with, and I KNEW it would be brutal and unfair and un-fun but also?? Absolutely one of the draws to ZolfWilde is that they've been through some absolute shit together, and exploring how instead of turning into unhealthy trauma bonding, it grows into something unlikely yet beautiful, and the fucked-up trans reveal was just another thing on the pile that they overcome or work through.

And Zolf has the thought of "this isn't how its supposed to go" but he wouldn't even be as close Wilde if not for the fucked up circumstances. There's no "supposed to". If this hadn't happened, Zolf and Wilde would have never worked together and continued to distantly think the other one was a git if they crossed paths. So it's a parodox of a thought.

Thank you for your nice words abt my writing, as always. I'm gonna go work on the next part u legend.

#Ask hank #Just realised I should tag stuff about the fic with a single tag instead of just general RQG #Strange Company

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miami2k17 · 3 years ago

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Omg you are talking about meaning of the songs but I’m working and can’t participate😭 Anyway if you have other thots about post them pls. That’s my favorite subject 🥵

👁️👁️ u have unleashed the insane person in me by saying this.

yk i was just thinking about how the death of you and me sounds like something that was written pre-oasis breakup, it's always been one of those songs that I've never been able to really get, but i've been thinking about if i had a gun a lot lately, which was written pre-oasis breakup, and that made me think, noel is a known lyrics hoarder. there's things on his solo albums that are pulled from demos that are 30 years old. so i think this was something he wrote pre-oasis breakup, but just like if i had a gun, as things were going to shit and he knew it.

the title is what tripped me up for so long i think, i always expected it to somehow be written about the experience post oasis, how their relationship had fallen apart n they split etc etc from a hindsight view where he was looking back on it. but the lyrics aren't really like that. they're definitely a little sad but they're not like that,

like immediately you have things that tip you off to it being pre-breakup. idk if i'm dumb or i've just become delusional enough to pull something out of nothing but "isn't it a pity that the sunshine is followed by the thunder, and thoughts of going under" = even when things are good, they fall apart again, every time. basically just how their relationship was so fucked up and unstable by that point, and it's getting harder and harder to keep going and not just quit.

"and is it any wonder why the sea is calling out to me" again i think this is about him leaving. is it any wonder with the way things are that the thoughts of leaving were seeming more and more appealing?

"i seem to spend my whole life running, from people who would be the death of you and me, cause i can feel the storm clouds sucking up my soul" k this is where it gets juicyyy imo! i believe this to be him saying that he's ignoring good advice from people he trusts to leave a situation that makes him miserable because he's too...idk! scared to leave! codependent! in love! i genuinely think he tried to hold onto it as long as he could stand it. i can definitely believe everyone around noel that he trusted at that point was probably telling him to get the fuck out of oasis. it was definitely something he planned in the end i think, so i think it was already being discussed with people. the "storm clouds" obv like the aforementioned thunder/horrible relationship with liam is sucking the life out of him, which is why he's running from those people to begin with. or maybe it's about how he feels the end of the band coming and wants to hold onto it as long as possible.

again a mention of "high tide" which i think symbolises either how he feels like he's stranded somewhere or drowning, basically stuck there, or it could mean oasis overall and how they were on their way to "going under".

"no one has the answer, i try to face the day now in a new way, the bottom of a bottle, cause every man's a puzzle" aghrGhrh HE IS DRINKING TO COPE WITH HOW BAD THINGS WERE, NOT BEING ABLE TO FIX THINGS, NOT BEING ABLE TO MAKE A DECISION sorry this line just always makes me want to start barking literally. alcoholism as a form of escapismmm to cope with the relationship between him and liam falling apart babyyy. also related unrelated but this reminds me of how liam said as soon as noel left oasis he went back to the hotel and got blackout drunk Immediately. they are so ....My God. anyways

like do i even gotta explain these ones 🤨 i do think it's incredibly fucking sad though lol. it ties in for me with the line in if i had a gun (if i had the time i'd stop the world and make you mine) about wanting to escape and be together somewhere away from everyone else. it really makes me wonder abt a few things. 4 example ☝️😐 i know liam has this idea, i think, that noel himself is not the bad one, but the people around him are, and are making him bad. if he could just get noel back and alone with him, he would be how he used to be and they would be fine.

ok put ur tinfoil gcest hats on: i kind of feel like noel also writes about something similar from time to time, like here. it's just not as dramatic, and it's more about everyone else/the judgement of the world instead of about them or liam specifically. not to sound like that one comment on the champagne superuglycunt vid, but clearly their relationship not the kind of thing you can just be open about. so i think it's kind of a wish of escapism and to remove the world's view or judgement from the equation, and then they could finally be happy.

obviously he has a family and a wife and he loves them, and i know he's happy with them, but he always wrote about being like Filled with Sin and keeping secrets, which came across to me like he was always terrified of judgement for that. like he literally wrote a song called lock all the doors i mean- (thinking abt the russell brand podcast ep where russell makes a joke about him sleeping with liam and you can hear him lose his marbles and panic until russell has to literally be like...plz calm down bro I haven't heard anything it was a joke. for all the little jokes he makes when he's in control of the situation and Above The Law, i think the idea of the world's judgement on that if it got away from him rightfully scares the shit out of him.)

ANYWAYS i think because of that unique situation where you will literally never be able to just be together, he's maybe wishing for some kind of fantasy world where they could just leave it all behind and it would be okay, no judgement, no more pressures. obviously that would fix nothing bc they're both still 2 traumatized insane guys but. yk. who am i to judge

"i'm watching my tv, or is it watching me?" besides being super fun to scream-sing i'm truthfully i'm not super sure about this line, maybe something to do with his level of fame in oasis, again mentioning trying to escape the public eye and judgement of the world? i dunno man still not sure about this one 🤔

"i see another new day dawning, it's rising over me, with my mortality" = the freedom of being solo that he clearly wanted, him feeling more and more like he couldn't do it anymore, and he wouldn't have forever to just make that choice for himself and do what was ultimately gonna make him happy!

anyway in conclusion i am fucked in the head

#i literally just like speak with no filter these posts probably read like actual nonsense sorry #it's probably so jumbled because you're seeing my like actual unfiltered thought process laid out in text #noel #oasis #long post

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arofili · 4 years ago

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how’d u get into writing? like, writing fic and being part of the silm community, being Known, that stuff? i’m really new to being a silm cc and i’d love to know ur advice! also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs? bc i have a Lot of hcs and meta ideas but also i’m really anxious abt posting them bc yknow anxiety is like that

these are some great questions, anon! I’m gonna go through them one by one :)

how’d u get into writing?

not to be like, super cliche, but I’ve...kind of always been a writer? as long as I can remember I’ve been telling stories, and when I was too young to read or write I would dictate them to my mom, who would type them up for me and help me choose clipart illustrations to accompany them. when I got old enough I would always be writing; I attempted my first novel at age 9, and while that never really went anywhere I did finish the darn thing and it had some pretty sophisticated plot twists for a 9-year-old!

like, writing fic

around the same time I got into fandom! I was deep into Warrior cats (like. really deep) and I believe I started writing my first fics when I was like? 10 or 11? my memory is kind of fuzzy on the order of things, but I know I got an account on the Warriors forums when I was 9, and that I was already posting my fic there when I made my FFN account. I believe I was 12 when that happened, but who knows. I haven’t the faintest idea of what happened with those forums, but uhhh pretty much all of my Warriors fic is still up on FFN lmao. you could probably find that if you want to but um...maybe don’t?

my first Big Fic was a self-insert of...my entire 5th/6th grade class into the then-current timeline of the Warriors books...well. I honestly think that might still be my most popular fic of all time l m a o though I try not to think about it because Hashtag Cringe. though as much as I look back on that time with a “yikes,” I am very grateful for the Warriors fandom in a way? that place was so accepting and encouraging of OCs, of AUs, of completely disregarding canon, of worldbuilding that is completely alien from canon - it was a fantastic sandbox to begin with, there were so many ways to write stories and practically all of them were accepted and had fellow fans invested in them!

and being part of the silm community,

soooo I wrote Warriors fic until my freshman year of high school (wow sdjfhkdsjfh), which was when BOTFA came out, and I was absolutely wrecked by the ending and immediately started writing my own fixit fic. I was also super hooked on Kiliel! so that was my intro to the Tolkien fandom; and simultaneously, I joined tumblr, and, well, the rest is history tbh.

I honestly do not remember when I first read the Silm, but I kind of got into the more obscure parts of the Tolkien fandom through fandom osmosis, and I do have a vague memory of doodling the Finwean family tree in geometry class so it might have been later on in freshman year? that was also the same time I was having my Queer Awakening, and Russingon definitely contributed to me unlearning my internalized queerphobia, so probably around then.

anyway - queer awakening, tumblr, Tolkien, transitioning from FFN to AO3 - all of that was happening around the same time. I know I dipped my toes in the Silm fandom then, but I was still primarily a Hobbit fic writer focusing on Kiliel. toward the end of high school I kind of shifted to LOTR and (qp) Gigolas...but somehow the Silm fandom is the most active of the Big Three within the Tolkien fandom, and I was getting dragged further and further in.

it wasn’t until @backtomiddleearthmonth 2019, my freshman year of college, that I really dove into writing Silm fic! I picked some Silm-specific bingo cards and never looked back :D that was really not all that long ago but I am obsessed in a way I don’t really remember being even with TH/LOTR, I obviously cannot see the future but I anticipate hanging out here for a long time. the Silm fandom is great overall and there’s just so much material to work with!! <3

being Known, that stuff?

so I don’t really have a whole lot of context on how “well known” I am in the fandom?? definitely within the past year and a half or so I’ve noticed that I like, get asks like this, and get a significant amount of notes on my posts, and I’ve made a lot of fandom friends especially since I joined some Silm servers on Discord (hmu if you want invites; I’m on the SWG server and 2 general Silm servers and the Russingon server) this past year. and I have 3,000 followers as of this month - and while ever since I hit 1k I don’t particularly pay attention to my follower count I can definitely say that I have more engagement now than I used to! but it took me a long time to build this “audience,” I suppose; I’ve been around the Tolkien fandom since late 2014, so nearly 6 years of this, lol.

really the best way to build a following, in my experience, is to just post a lot of stuff. when I started making edits I got a lot more engagement, because for a long time I would post one every day! (I made them in batches and queued them; I didn’t actually make one every day lol...and now I’m too busy to do that, so I just make edits for events and whenever I feel like it) And I have [checks ao3] 145 works in the Silm fandom as of today - I’m fairly prolific! I’ve come to generally expect 3-10 comments on most of my oneshots, which is a lot more than I used to have back in the day. consistency and quantity are more likely to attract people to your work - and quality, of course.

also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs?

I’ve been writing since I was very young, and I’ve been writing fic for like...11 years? I think? in that time I’ve produced a lot of garbage, but imo most of that was in my Warrior cats phase, so I came into the Tolkien fandom with confidence in myself and my writing. I’m also working on original fiction on the side (I hope to eventually become a published fantasy author, but right now school takes up most of my time that I don’t devote to fandom, which gives me more immediate gratification and also is just Very Fun) and I know I’m a good writer.

basically, I’ve been doing this for like...half my life, and I’m still fairly young, so I’ve had time to build up my skill and confidence and I know I’m only going to get better with time. you will get better with practice. like I said, I’ve written a lot of terrible stuff, and it’s only through sucking for a long time that I’ve gotten to the point I am now. and I am far from perfect; I know I still have lots of room to grow!

for meta and headcanons specifically, I started with writing fic, and then when I didn’t think I could stretch something into an entire fic I would just make a hc post. I have a vivid memory of writing my first meta in a notebook during driver’s ed because it was so goddamn boring and I had Thoughts about Tauriel and Thranduil!

in my experience, meta comes from having Opinions and wanting to share them and most importantly to back them up - you need to have sources! you need to have reasons! you need to have justification! otherwise it’s not meta, it’s a headcanon or an AU. which is fine!! I love hc/AU!!! but they are not the same as meta, and I’m a stickler for being accurate when it comes to meta. if you have sources and shit to back you up, that will help you build the confidence to share your meta.

sharing disinformation and passing it off as meta instead of just coming out and saying this is a headcanon/baseless theory/AU or whatever is such a fandom pet peeve of mine; it’s not bad for something to not be Accurate! you just have to have that disclaimer - and even when you’re writing meta, you’re offering an interpretation of the text, and you need to acknowledge that other interpretations also exist and are valid.

um. I hope this answers your questions? and sorry for basically word-vomiting my entire life story, lol. this post got long; the main reason I’ve written so much fic is because I really just cannot shut up for the life of me. sooo if you can tear of that filter of being shy and just. say shit. you can go so far~!

OH and one more thing - I can’t believe I almost forgot this - but part of being a writer is participating in the community. this is code for LEAVE A DAMN COMMENT IF YOU LIKE A FIC. that’s how I made most of my fandom friends before Discord! I follow @ao3feed-silmarillion and stalk that blog for new Silm fics; I read the ones that interest me and comment on them.

I know this is not really the most common way for folks to find fic but it’s so rewarding to interact with new fic, new writers, new commentors, new stories - you can find gems that don’t rise to the top of the kudos/bookmark lists; you become friends with your fellow writers; you can watch people grow and change; you support smaller content creators. yeah, you might not be getting Just The Best Stuff, but it’s so so so worth it!!

and if you make friends in the comment section of other people’s fic - I guarantee you some of them will go to your AO3 profile and check out your fic, too! and they’ll leave comments! this is a fic community, and that’s what I cherish about fandom most of all, tbh.

anyway - again - sorry for rambling so much, but I hoped this helped! feel free to send in another ask, or to come talk to me off anon if you’d like! and definitely send me your stuff if/when you decide to share it; I would love to support you!!! <3

#silm #silm fandom #silmarillion #fan culture #tmi anna #(for real this time sjdfhdkfh)#tefain nin #long post #anon #answers

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wickedpact · 4 years ago

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I saw someone comment that if nicky and joe actually had a speed-run version of a romance it wouldn't be much better than rey/kylo (ie: nicky's redemption should be a *process* and not a single act; it'd take more than just "i'm switching sides and fighting with you" for joe to truly forgive him... which is ENTIRELY reasonable/understandable) - do you think the comparison is fair? (I mean, Nicky wasn't a space nazi but he WAS an indoctrinated religious radical)

well..... no, for a variety of reasons (allow me to say beforehand that i dont really... hate r*ylo or r*ylo in general but im.. hm, not a fan of the ship or the sequel trilogy)

edit: i am actually going to put this under a cut bc its longer than i thought it was when i wrote it

first of all i think theres something to be said abt the fact that ben (im just gonna call him ben so this post doesnt come up in search) is a space nazi. hes part of a fictional group of people who oppress a different fictional group of people, despite having some inspiration taken from rl. nicky was part of an invasion force that existed in real history, a part of a war that has had far-reaching effects in the real world to this day. as much as nicolo himself is fictional, neither the crusades nor the ideologies that had a part in fueling them are. so it feels a bit crass to compare the two.

(also like.. man, the sith blew up two (three?) planets. thats like several billion people each, how are you supposed to compare almost cartoonish villainy like that to real life?)

secondly ben had like... presumably more power over the situation than nicky did, idk what the situation is for ben’s backstory in canon terms rn, (its been more or less retconned a couple times i believe), but ben was the child of two powerful and privileged people and likely received all the education in the world on why Murder And Fascism Bad.

he was like? supposedly groomed by snoke, but what does that even mean? anakin went to the dark side bc he valued the life of his wife more than the lives of all the jedi. simple as that. he was manipulated but he still willingly assisted in a genocide to achieve his own personal goals, how can you just step back and say ‘ben was manipulated into it its not his fault’ when he no doubt knew better that Blowing Up Planets Bad. but then even on top of that.. .we dont really know nicky’s exact situation prior to the crusades which brings me to the next point,

what we know abt nicky’s mindset in the crusades era:

greg said once that ‘it was a time of religious hatred’ which is. vague.

one of the promo vids said nicky was ‘ a young knight who had left the priesthood behind to follow the crusade ‘ which is.. vague

nicky himself said ‘he was taught to hate’ joe’s ‘people’ which is... vague

the comics shows a dialogue-less couple of panels of joe and nicky killing each other which is..................... vague

we really dont know that much about nicky’s situation other than he was ‘taught to hate’, which is how all hatred works, hatred isnt a biologically ingrained behavior, its always taught. ‘taught to hate’ can mean everything from someone slapping him on the back one day and going ‘hey those muslims suck’ to full ass brainwashing, who tf knows. we can only guess based off historical information, and tog has proven itself to not be historically accurate several times over now. so you really cant compare nicky’s mindset to ben’s bc we dont know what nicky’s mindset was.

but even then theres a difference between ‘i was taught incorrect information and i formerly believed i was doing a good thing and i now am beginning to realize that i am not’ and ‘ive been knowingly evil (literally red lightsaber and all) for literal years but ive just decided to change my mind bc i had a vision of my father (whomst i murdered) asking me to be good again’

(i mean come on, ben was actively resisting his good impulses. ‘forgive me i feel the pull to the light again’. )

lastly i also dont think thats fair to tog bc i wouldnt count r*ylo as a ‘speedrun’. it was set up in tlj, the problem with r*ylo is that it was bounced between two directors who not only had different visions for the franchise, but conflicting visions for the franchise and? seemingly they didnt collaborate at all. so if it feels like ben and rey were ping pong-ing back and forth between being enemies and borderline-lovers, its bc they were created by two men with completely different ideas of what the relationship looked like + they were at the mercy of a company which has pretty singlemindedly dedicated itself to lowest-common-denominator media that offends Nobody and thus tried to pass them off as pseudo-canon so neither the shippers nor the antis would get Mad. tog doesnt have these problems.

i think the idea of joe and nicky blinking once at each other and just immediately falling in love is, while fun and hilarious, a bit silly realistically bc thats generally not how feelings Work (I Dont Believe In Love At First Sight). going on a 24hr murder-bender and immediately going ‘oh wait im actually in love with this person who just brutally murdered me’ isnt comparable to two people who have a couple hours’ worth of content focused around essentially being inside of eachother’s brains and learning why the other Is The Way They Are. r*ylo didnt come out of nowhere, it was lead up to (just really poorly)

realistically, i think joe and nicky would like. at least have to get to know each other a little before they could convincingly fall in love imo, but theres rlly nothing comparable there with ben and rey to me

#Anonymous #so dont get me STarted on the subject that when nicky goes thru his redemption arc or whatever you like to call it #the endgoal Should Not Be joe's forgiveness and as a matter of fact joe has no right *to* 'forgive' nicky for what hes done #forgiveness shouldnt be the endgoal at all its literally unachievable #something something the catholic ideas of atonement and penance are unhealthy and unrealistic af when it comes to most kinds of wrongdoing #but honestly either way i think joe would forgive nicky pretty quickly considering his reaction to booker

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matoitech · 4 years ago

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bro how do u think galo stims ??? i think hed like big full body stuff (swings, spinning, rocking, jumping) but id love to hear ur thoughts ???? also how does lio stim ???? any ideas ,,,?

OH I AGREE WITH ALL THAT definitely full body stims!! i wrote out a bit so i am splitting it in2 bullet points 2 b easier 2 read :3

i think galo does a lot of pacing and running around as well, like he’ll just be walking and suddenly BOLT for a few seconds and then keep walking at his previous pace gbhf. he moves around and fidgets a Lot, even when hes sick or injured he does a lot of moving around and then remembering and saying ok i wont do that again and then immediately forgetting w the need to Move. im guilty of this myself

definitely like shaking his hands and arms out, a lot of rocking (esp side to side, that ones not shown as much as forward-back but it can feel better than it!!), shaking his head out. everything he did in the movie ofc esp ruffling or pulling at his hair, hairs a big sensory thing 4 him

prob uses fidgets often too, rings n sequin keychains n whatnot

i think he prob stims by making noise too, talking usually (tho i think him and lio both r semiverbal but thats its own thing i can talk abt lol), he prob growls n snarls, chirps, just sudden noises varying in like sound level he often doesnt notice and does not intend esp when hes happy or excited. definitely when hes feeling positive emotions he makes more noise, though i think that noise i can not describe he makes when hes frustrated and scratches at his head in the ova/movie also shows that he prob makes noise when hes upset too!

raptor hands/curling his hands up, pressing his elbows in2 his side for a good sensory feel, walking on his toes i think is Galo Thing bc it feels better than walking on the soles of his feet. i think when hes overloading and needs a shutdown he doesnt move his hands much but when hes just stimming or understimulated (or sometimes regulating overstimulation) he does a lot w his hands, twists them and grabs at things and needs 2 touch stuff n whatnot. touches his face and clothes a Lot

i think him and lio r both rly touch stimmy and sensitive 2 sensory stuff- i think galo physically NEEDS to stim more and in more obvious ways than lio does, but they both need it often.

lio i think sometimes stims w his breath so alternating between light/heavy/deep breathing, also rocking, sometimes twisting his body around in ‘weird’ positions 2 get the good sensory feel (so u would come upon him looking like hes stretching or doing yoga poses but he is just stimming), lio prob clenches/flexes his fists a lot. he runs to stim too lol. Moving feels safe

ive prob mentioned this b4 but i think b4 he lost the promare he did more body stimming w the fire like, twirling his hands around and spinning 2 create the various objects n things out of fire. he doesnt have the promare anymore but its still a comfort to do.

i think lio grits or grinds his teeth a lot too whether from stress or just like sensory overload issues w nowhere to release it so he uses stim stuff like chewable necklaces and bracelets so he doesnt bother his jaw n make it more sensitive

lio ALSO does a lot of toe walking, its a common thing we do not talk abt enough w hcs i think :3

when lio Cant move a lot 2 stim i think he prob things like stims by blinking a lot, yawning repetitively, tensing/untensing, etc, small not very noticeable things that he can still do

also went searching thru my blog and tumblr search sucks but i found two other posts talking a bit abt their stimming here and here! i know theres more but idk where <3 id LOVE to hear more of ur or other ppls thoughts on stimming w them i love talking abt stimming hcs or things they do in canon..LOTS more i could say but we will stick w this 4 now :3

#THANK YOU SM... i love talking abt this and seeing ppls ideas abtthis :3 #sameteeth #fess replies #promare #I WROTE A LOT AND MY EYES DONT WANNA PROOFREAD ANYMORE SO TAKE IT

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isolctions · 3 years ago

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this is chaotic unprompted rambling but like

one thing that i cannot wait to be able to write, next to apple havin a romance & whatnot is like. apple’s descent into moral ambiguity because she finally realizes that sometimes humans fucking suck & deserve to be punished. (more on why under the cut.)

bc while switching to writing her in stages has helped me w/ developmental things & i don’t wanna rush a pivotal moment, for the most part apple hasn’t experienced anything truly ‘negative’ with humans. her first stage was primarily just getting used to having a body, having uncontainable magic (that’s more menacing to her than helpful during this period — an interpretation of lore i once came across is that when faes die / foresake corporeality, any magic in their body gets dispersed + the common lore that fae are born from laughter. but my favorite interpretation, aka mine, is that the magic fae contain is a combination of their own abilities + ‘older’ magic that has evolved over time. not full blown reincarnation bc they don’t generate as the same person exactly, rather they have magic that ‘remembers’ a life they once lived. therefore when made to be contained, it don’t always get along with a corporeal body.), being around humans in general, all of that stuff. she took extreme measures in assimilating, but only because she sort of chose to do so & not bc of being taunted or outed or anything like that. she doesn’t even immediately reveal she’s a fae bc at that point, she couldn’t do anything with it. why show ur hand when its a shitty one, yknow.

and even now, in a second stage of life where her magic is less detrimental to her, nothing emotionally jarring has occurred to her yet. her magic communicates with her & actually cooperates with her rather than being an antagonizing force. it is even protective of her without her being aware of it. but still, nothing has happened that makes her believe that ‘oh. these people are kind of shit.’ at best, her magic will respond to her emotions by removing an agitating situation or physically displaying her emotions without her being able to control it (ie: the equivalent of sending a nuisance to time out without apple’s intent then being cheeky w/ her about bringing said nuisance back, accidentally ‘overloading’ and sparking things nearby at excitement, etc)

but as of right now, she’s like. very hopeful. very optimistic. tries to be helpful, tries not to intentionally be menacing or antagonizing. might loop you into contract via creative wording or demand debts to be repaid if she’s been inconvenienced or insulted — but even when she expresses offense, she gives you a chance to rectify it. and one day, she will stop giving chances. and while i do not like putting my muses in compromising situations (lolyesido), i personally cannot wait for the day she gets so distraught by human behavior and human selfishness and human curiosity that she’s like. why am i trying to be like you. why am i polite to those who are undeserving. i have lived a thousand free lives. why am i submitting to selfishness and mortal ideals that mean nothing to me.

and when she stops giving chances and stops seeking humans out, puts a price on her interactions and lives the rest of her elongated days being sneaky and sexy and trapping humans in realms and keeping them in her lair for longer than they naturally live and basically becomes the actual force of nature she is & was always meant to be? will be very chef’s kiss.

anyway. this post came about bc i was thinking abt this meme i wrote and went ‘hm. thats Hot.’

#long post tw #i dunno which verse to tag this in but #this is how my brain is choosing to operate #very impressed w the vibes i've curated in the studio today #she & ilyssa are by far the sexiest muses i have so far bc i get so galaxy brained abt them n their origins

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mina-scribbles · 4 years ago

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NSFW!!! tsukishima x reader

A/N: BROSKIES!! been a while since i posted, so i hope you guys will like this one. i wrote this with the thought in mind of a tsukishima and the reader as an enemies on sight kind of trope, but then sprinkle in some feelings, then some pent up tension then boom. this piece right here is that explosion, but even after, they’re still kind of unsure of how they feel abt each other, especially the mc.

word count: 1.3k (bc i got carried away)

pov: third person

(i apologize if there are any errors. i wrote this at like,,,2 am lol)

ENJOY MY DUDES!! <3 <3 <3

~~~

Her body was on fire. Every nerve like a livewire under her skin where his touch grazed her. Their bodies were pressed flush together, her breasts crushed against the hard wall of his chest. An arm wound around her waist, pressing her harder, and she gasped as she felt his hard length on her lower abdomen. His free hand curled around her nape, his fingers tangling in the hair at the base and gripped, ripping a delighted moan out of her. He tilted her head to the side and he brought his mouth down on her exposed neck, groaning as his tongue tasted skin.

“Tsukki,” she breathed lustily, rolling her neck so he was now lapping at the base of her throat, her fingers clutching at his shirt to keep herself steady. “The team’s waiting for us.”

But she barely heard herself as she let him spin her around and pinned her against the wall, letting out a yelp as he hoisted her up. Immediately, her arms flung around his neck and her legs around his waist for stability.

“You really want to stop?” His voice had taken a velvety smoothness, sending a shudder through her core. But before she could answer, he captured her lips at the perfect angle, swiping a hot, wet tongue into her mouth, muffling her moan. Just as she pressed forward to return his fervor, he pulled away, a teasing smirk playing on his lips. “You really want to stop that?”

This was so unlike him. His glasses had long disappeared to God knows where, and the golden embers looking at her now held no hate, no malice, no irritation at the mere sight of her. Now, with his half-lidded gaze, his eyes like molten gold that didn’t at all conceal the fire behind them, it was like looking at a different Tsukishima. But at the same time, it was – with that smug, boyish smirk, the mirth lurking behind that lust, it was him.

Warmth spread throughout from her stomach, like an engine purring her to life and guiding her forward. As she met his soft lips with hers, he knew her answer.

No, she didn’t want to stop, she thought as she let her tongue explore every crevice of his mouth. She didn’t want to stop as she fumbled for the hem of his shirt and tore it off of him. She didn’t want to stop as she pulled him closer, telling him to press harder and they both groaned at the friction. Even when the strings of her bikini top had come lose, the flimsy triangular cloths just barely hanging onto the hard points of her nipples.

Tsukishima’s eyes flashed at the sight, his wet lips half parted – wanting, hungry. Heat rose to her cheeks, to her ears, and she bit her lip, a reaction that Tsukishima loved and he nipped at it.

There was a question in Tsukishima’s eyes as he held her gaze, and it took her only a second to nod her affirmation.

Yes, even then, she didn’t want to stop, and he began to trail hot kisses along her jaw and down to her neck until he reached a tender spot and paused to lick at the area. A hand snaked up her waist to the curve on the side of her breast, sliding the flimsy covering away and began to caress her bare skin with his thumb.

Tsukishima alternated between her neck and her lips, all the while teasing her breast with that devilish thumb, making sure to circle around the nub but never touching it.

He tore his lips away from hers and reached for the tender spot in her neck once more, and without warning, began to suck just as he pinched her nipples. A delicious moan tore through her, and she feared that anyone passing outside their room would hear.

“I always figured you would be this loud,” he murmured against her skin, the vibrations only making her whimper and writhe in response.

She wanted more. This was strange, and different, and she had no idea what would happen after, but at that moment, she knew what she wanted. And all this touching and kissing wasn’t enough.

She wanted him. All of him. She hoped to God this meant something, but details would come later.

“Tsukki, I--”

She began to say when there was a knock on the door. Tsukishima instantly unpinned her from the wall, and the tension only eased when they saw the door securely locked.

“Tsukishima-kun?” It was Hinata’s voice, to which the blonde growled at in response. But only she heard it. “Is (Name)-chan still with you?”

The pair met eyes, panic both rising in their chests.

“Because Shimizu-senpai is looking for her.”

After a tsk, Tsukishima replied, “Yeah, she just wanted to talk my ear off about something.” He had to answer since they all saw Tsukishima and her leave together.

The redhead chuckled from behind the door, and Tsukishima grunted. She placed a placating hand on his chest.

With a sigh, she piped in. “We’ll be out in a bit, Hinata-kun. Just had to give Tsukki an earful.”

The blonde pinched the hand on her thigh and she swatted him.

“Alright,” was Hinata’s quick answer followed by his retreating footsteps.

Tsukki’s shoulders slumped and pressed his forehead against hers as she let out a sigh of relief. When the panic finally dissipated, only then did she become very aware of how naked she was. Tsukishima’s eyes were locked on her, and her blush deepened. He must’ve known that she would turn her head away because Tsukki gently grasped her chin, and tilted her head at the proper angle to let their lips meet. It was soft this time and a beautiful kind of warm that made her melt, especially when his lips still lingered a hairsbreadth away from hers when he pulled away. He met her eyes, a rare affection in them that made her stomach flutter.

“We’ll talk later,” he said, pecking her forehead before turning around to put his shirt back on.

She stood there for a moment, stunned, but quickly recollected herself and tied her bikini top back on.

Last time she heard, they hated each other’s guts. They could barely stand being five feet apart without being on each other’s throats the next second.

But all that just happened. Well, yeah, sure, after some time, he’d kind of become bearable, but still.

It was real right? He kissed her, and she kissed him and all that touching and---

“Hey, you ready to go?” He was already at the door, and she followed suit.

“I always figured you would be this loud,” he had said. She looked up at him as he walked ahead of her. Did that mean he’d been thinking of her in that way long before tonight even happened? So, did that mean, that he actually---

She shook the thought away. No, she told herself. She wouldn’t think that way. Yet. Or maybe ever. Maybe all that meant nothing. But then she remembered where his lips had been, how warm they were on her skin. Her heart twinged at the thought.

No, she repeated more firmly. She glared daggers at his back, but even that was half-hearted as the little pang in her chest lingered.

Yes, she finally conceded, straightening up and falling into step beside him. She felt her eyes on him but she kept her attention forward. A talk was in order, she thought. Till then, she wouldn’t let herself dare to even put a single connotation to what the hell that was back there.

This was Tsukishima Kei after all, the same insufferable, uncaring and completely emotionless twat who lived and breathe to annoy the fuck out of her and not give a damn.

She continued forward, ignoring the memory of his gaze after he kissed her moments ago, and failing miserably.

#tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima imagine #tsukishima x you #haikyuu fandom #haikyuu!!#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #tsukishima smut #haikyuu smut #enemies au

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misterbitches · 4 years ago

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Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas.

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL.

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers!

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die.

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more. i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done)

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom.

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through.

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao. basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman. anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord.

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop.

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t. beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are.

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid.

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc.

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me)

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex)

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

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kachinnate · 4 years ago

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reblogn’t, there’s nothing too triggery about this it’s just semi personal re: how one of my ex-best friends ruined lgw from b//mc for me and also just like... in the same vein the Less Discussed portion of my spring of ‘19 Traumas bc this ex-best friend out of 3 caused the least damage and therefore in my mind he got away with a lot more

i’ve just been thinkin about it a lot, idk. i don’t think i’ve ever talked about this specific thing to anyone (explicitly or in detail) and it’s bothered me for so long and i know talking about it on here fixes nothing rlly but.. idk! some kayla lore if you wanted it, mayhaps this will get deleted in like ten minutes after being posted so get it hot while you can

just for context my junior year of high school (aka the Worst One) i drove my at-the-time best friend to school every day -- we lived like a street away from each other, and he didn’t like the Bus and he wasn’t always able to take his mom’s car because we both did theatre together and therefore would be at the school for a Long Ass Time, and like... he was my friend! so i drove him to school! and.. in times like that, it was a good incentive to get myself up, too, cuz shit was lowkey rough back then and i’d feel bad if i made both of us late.

said best friend was super into musical theatre - like, he wanted to be a musical theatre major, so he’s super well versed on like Most Musicals all the classics w/e .. snob doesn’t feel like the right word bc sometimes he genuinely Did like stuff that was simply Silly/dumb for the sake of it being Silly/dumb but it’s the closest word i can think of. i was constantly embarrassed that my favorite musical was d//eh, and to this day he still barely knows anything about it because 1. he himself didn’t listen/pay much attention to it and 2. despite it literally being my hyperfixation since like my sophomore year, i didn’t feel comfortable talking to him about it bc of what few criticisms he gave it. but he did know it was my fav, he knew that i had a Love for w/rol bc i talked abt him a lot.

lgw was the first thing from b//mc broadway to get released - and i know like 3-4 different versions of it got released too lmao but this was like the Very First One, i’d never heard it before! i didn’t realize it’d been released until i was idling in front of his house so naturally i was like “oh bet let’s listen to it together”

he didn’t really like b//mc either for the same reasons he didn’t like d//eh, but it was like... much less so, idk - he liked m//itb so like i figured it was indifference at best.. but regardless uh my fuckin car i’m gonna listen to it if i want to <3 also like if it was good i doubt he’d care abt what it was from

anyway, he got in, and i played it. the drive to school isn’t that far, so it finished like, while we were in the busy lane waiting to turn into our high school

and like i was really “:DD” bc like it was good that w/rol note held out at the end was kinda Magical and also in context of the musical??? wow YES jeremy finally getting his Protagonist Song(tm) he deserves it and it makes me feel !!!

i hadn’t said anything yet, but literally the first words out of my friend’s mouth were some semblance of “wow, that was terrible” which like. yeah. killed the mood pretty quick skdjgnsdf

he like started digging Into it like making fun of the chorus and will’s voice and i was kinda just quiet like “oh,,, i guess,,” bc i didn’t know what else to do, like i felt bad immediately trying to defend it bc i’d only heard it that One time and also confrontation is hard and confrontation specifically w him was hard, especially bc he was like Genuinely ragging on the song, not in a jokey way

and like.... he eventually stopped because he could tell i was genuinely getting distressed and he kept going like “hey it’s nbd kayla it’s not like you wrote the song” which jsdkgsd to this day i’m not sure what that means or why he thought it’d be comforting but. whatever. the whole thing made me feel really bad and inferior

in the coming weeks of the actual b//mc soundtrack getting released he also made fun of ilpr at one point, how st/ephanie h/su was “”too much”” or something - idk. those criticisms didn’t bug me as much bc at that point i’d already been resigned about the whole thing, and it’s not like i played that song for him and he said that, he’d listened to it on his own time and just thought for some reason to mention it to me.

and it’s frustrating, because i can’t even be like “he just doesn’t like new musicals”, bc he really liked h//adestown and there’s usually a musical or two from the tony’s every year he gets into, it was just like... the ones i liked he didn’t [pensive] and i know i know it wasn’t personal, he’s just LIKE that, but .... aughhh it really bothered me when he’d dig into stuff i liked and was always just like “u didn’t write it u didn’t make it” like that was supposed to make my interest in this Thing despite his Distaste ok....

and like despite this he was still the person i was closest to - this was merely a blip in the whole grand scheme of things, just.. something that bugged me. it took me until after i graduated to realize he’d been a sociopath, that he was never choosing me, i was just.. around, which. sucks. i spent a lot of time sitting with him in my car in front of his house talking about musicals and life for more hours than i’d like to admit. when he broke down crying on his 18th birthday telling us that he didn’t know if he’d ever be enough, i thought that i’d actually started to understand him.

he’d been my ‘best friend’ since elementary school. i dated him at one point before we both realized we were queer. we’d been the only two seniors who’d been in every show together. despite all the bullshit, he was always there. he assimilated to the personality of our friend group every year when we were around different people, but he was still around, i was still always there for him - he couldn’t assimilate to my personality because to him there were no traits to take, we’d known each other for too long.

a couple weeks into senior year, i full on sobbed to him in my car telling him about how he and the friend group made me feel so bad last year, told him about how i stopped taking my meds during the musical. he told me that he had no idea that i was feeling like that, that he didn’t know. but i’d driven him to school every day.

the last time we’ve talked in person was march 14th, the last day school for the 2019-2020 year was in session.

i haven’t taken it off, but i skip lgw whenever it comes on my musical playlist because it still makes my chest feel tight.

#i keep having dreams about him #because a couple of days ago my friend posted a picture of him #and it's been the first time i've seen his face since march 14th #in a sick kind of way i miss him #he never understood me intrinsically but i still talked to him as if he did #he knows so much about me but i feel like i know nothing about him #i added the //s everywhere bc i didn't want this popping up into any tags #but uh yeah i still haven't fully recovered from it i don't think :'D idk just a thought!#garbage.txt #irrelevant #longpost #long post #i didn't proofread this at all lol so if u actually read it looking for coherency i Apologize #the only exception for lgw is when i saw it live #but that's bc being in ny w someone i rlly care abt outweighed the unnecessary second hand embarrasment #also w/rol! in the flesh!!!

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yezzbub · 4 years ago

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I need to vent out!!! PHILIP QUAST IS TOO MUCH🤭🤭🤭🥰🥰 and I just wanna write/type this out bec my mind is full already HXNXKAPSJDKSLSL🥴🥴

Skip this if you don't want SPOILERS abt BETWEEN TWO WORLDS

But if you want some PQ pics, then maybe just save the pics and don't mind whatever I wrote here😂🤭🤭

6 episodes of Between Two Worlds were aired and my eyes are blessed bec of Philip Quast...he's got sooo many screen time and I'm loving it soo much🥺🥺 he deserves long screen time, I know I'm being biased but well *shrugs innocently🤭

This show is my stress reliever tho the plot keeps on stressing me out😂

I think the screen time Philip had makes me go thru the week

ol classes is sooo tiring, it makes me more drained compared to actual classes and this is my stress giver and reliever

I'm gonna focus on PQ first bec I'm a PQ trash😂🤭🤭

POSSIBLE SPOILERS🥺🥺

Look at that handsome bastard🥺🥺 I'm sooo torn between giving him a hug and slapping his face🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Also, I have this urge to take care of him and take over the work of Sandra🤭🤭 I'd probably do it for free😂😂🤫

His acting is sooo superb🥺🥺there are scenes that makes me wanna take care of his sorry ass😭😭

and oh his chest is bare 👀👀

Also, his 'YES??!!' made me jump and made me 'CHILL, OLD MAN, DON'T BE ANGRY, YOU HAVE A HEART CONDITION, RIGHT? CHILL THE HECK OUT' 😳 he is in dire need of chillness

But I swear! I wanna slap him thru the screen because of this!! He made me so mad! I needed to take a few deep breaths to calm the heck down to continue watching the episode😭😭

Oh, and I made my friend, who never ever had watched something that has PQ in it, watch this show and she also said that he's an asshole and she's hating him and also feeling bad for him

HAH the feelings that Philip could stir within people who watches this show🤭

Alsoooo he has sooo many bed scenes

Like he's always in his bed, literally, you prolly have a dirty mind huh😂🤭

And the man is just so handsome, I always try not to squeal so loud whenever he appears on screen...

This is the first time I get sooo engrossed over a series😔😟🙄 maybe bec PQ is in the show or maybe I just love the plot, it keeps me guessing and it's sooo far from the series I have always watched in my country

I'M SORRY PHIL BUT I'M KINDA LIKING YOUR DOCTOR🤭🤭🤭🤭

Kidding!! It's Philip Quast and I'm a PQ trash and so he has my heart😂🤭🤭🤭

Oh, the tension I felt upon seeing this scene!!!! Their face off omg the way they stare at each other speaks sooo many suppressed emotions and feelings🤭🤭🤭

Why don't you just punch each other already, just kidding hah! Or maybe just grab each other's collar??? Nope?? Okay...

And their height😳😳😳 they are almost the same height😳😳😳like how tall are people living in Australia?? Are they giants or what???

The man is sooo handsome with and without his glasses on.

He also looks like a teddy bear, I wanna snuggle him and just get buried in his arms and chest🥺🥺 I really think that I'm in a dire need of a hug rn...quarantine sucks I wanna hug my friends already uwuuu🥺

Oh and there's a scene in ep 5 where Philip is like having a nap on this couch in his office. And I thought it was funny especially when someone knocked on his door he immediately sat down like how I think someone would react if they are to be caught doing something illegal😂😂 and was like 'nope, I wasn't sleeping, who's sleeping? I'm the mighty Phillip Walford, rest is for the weak and I'm not weak'

All in all, I'm loving the series not just bec of Philip (but this post is just bec of PQ, sorry not sorry) but because of everything and everyone. It is such a new experience for me since we never had these kinds of series and I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

Maybe I'm just loving it sooo much bec I am sooo drained and tired and I think of it as an escape from reality just like the novels in my bookshelf, I find solace in watching it. Tho, the plot is not soooo peaceful, especially the characters, they are making me feel different and many emotions all at once 🤭🤭(I have a rlly weird taste about everything🥺)

And I'm just rumbling about PQ now, sorry not sorry, but I don't really think that my real life friends would understand my fangirling shenanigans🤭🤭 and for me typing this out is helpful

Okay scroll on now don't mind this🥺🥺

#philip quast #quast #pq #btw #phillip walford #between two worlds #Australian series

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schoolfullofmorons · 5 years ago

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wrote that hurt/comfort i was talking abt ! post-sex / sex references, trauma talk . kindve a therapy session in a way. not too heavy, nothing explicit !

Smoke swirled in the air of Jimmy's dusty dormroom, hot with the stifling air of newly dawned sping and no proper air conditioning. Sweat trickled down his neck as he took in slow, deep breaths, coming down from his orgasmic high.

Beside him, his partner of four months breathed out more smoke, his breath whistling through the gap in his teeth. Jimmy didn't look at him, opting to stare at the ceiling instead.

"You told me you stopped smoking."

The sentence was clipped, angry. Almost accusing. Jimmy Hopkins didn't like broken promises and he especially didn't like them when it came to Gary Smith, the boy he had agreed to give up polyamory for. The boy he had agreed upon helping.

"I did." The voice was tense, like Gary hadn't expected him to say anything about it. "I lied."

Jimmy felt frustration run through his veins as he turned on the sheets. Sticky cum was drying between them, but Jimmy didn't care as he reached for Gary's wrist and snagged it. Gary made a noise of protest.

"No way, man. You're not fucking smoking in my dorm." He went to take the cigar from Gary and practically had to wrestle him for it, nearly getting burned. Eventually he won, because he always did, and stubbed out the burning tip on his nightstand.

"Fine, I'll leave." Gary's voice was rough and Jimmy could hear a ghost of what he had been, years ago, as he kicked Petey in the balls and suggested they take over the school together.

"Stop it." Jimmy tightened his grip on Gary's wrist and promptly straddled him as the older boy started to move. Gary's skin was buzzing with anxious energy as he rose his free arm to try and push Jimmy away, but Jimmy pinned that one, too. "Stop running away."

"I'm not running away." The hiss he got back in response made Jimmy's head buzz. He didn't understand why Gary got like this. They were together now - they needed to deal with his shit as a team.

"Yes, you are." Jimmy dug his nails into Gary's wrists and lowered his face so that he loomed over him. "You come in here out of nowhere, fuck me while hardly speaking a word and then break your promise. Something's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong." Gary replied curtly. "Maybe you're self-projecting?" He added, taunting, mocking. Always baring his teeth and rearing for a fight.

Jimmy refused to give him ground. "Tell me what's wrong. Something is obviously upsetting you, and bottling it up won't help. You need to talk about this kinda shit when you're not okay."

Gary had clenched his jaw, and was choosing now to look past Jimmy, at the ceiling. Ignoring him, no doubt, or at least trying to.

"Stop ignoring me."

"Stop ignoring me," Gary mocked.

"Gary." He warned.

Gary snapped his eyes back to Jimmy and seemed to seethe with brilliant anger. "You know what? No, fuck you. You don't get to decide for me if I'm okay or not."

"Gary, that's not-" Jimmy started, and then squeezed Gary's wrists as he was cut off.

"Do you already know how much bullshit I go through every single day of my fucking life? This shit sucks. Everything sucks. Excuse me for wanting to have sex with my boyfriend and enjoy a fucking cigar."

"Babe..." Jimmy softened his voice, rubbing soft circles into Gary's left wrist with his thumb. Tears had sprung into his partner's eyes but it was obvious he was determined for Jimmy not to see him cry. He dropped his other hand down to Gary's face, cupping his jaw with a light touch. "I'm not trying to decide your feelings for you. I can just tell when things are bothering you. You're my boyfriend, baby. I just want you to talk to me."

Silence. Time stretched on with Jimmy's desk fan whirring lazily, leftover smoke floating in the air above them.

"Gary." Jimmy mumbled, his hand sliding down to gently squeeze the side of his neck. For a moment he doubted himself, but then he shoved the thought down. He knew Gary Smith. And he knew when something was off. "Speak to me."

"Speak to me," Gary hissed. "Do you even hear yourself? You sound like a dog trainer."

A single tear ran down his face as he finally broke under Jimmy's pressuring, and he moved his free hand up to wipe his face. Jimmy's heart ached, but he kept his movements light and patient - circling Gary's wrist gently with a thumb while letting his other hand rub the back of his partner's neck.

"You know what you are?" Gary mumbled out, tone venomous, as if he hadn't started to cry at all. "You're a moron, that's what you are."

"I know." Jimmy murmured to him and slid off of him to settle down next to the older boy, slipping his arms around him naturally. Gary immediately settled into his embrace as if he had been made to be held in Jimmy's arms, burying his face into Jimmy's neck.

"You're a lovable moron at best, but you're still a moron." Gary mumbled into his skin. "You're also sweaty, Jesus Christ."

Jimmy grinned and started to laugh, shoulders shaking with the force. Gary made a protestful noise somewhere in the back of his throat - almost a whine - and didn't move any inch of himself away from Jimmy.

"Thanks, babe." He finally sufficed. "It is ninety degrees outside, after all."

"Shut up." Gary sounded embrassed - Jimmy couldn't see his face from this position, so he couldn't tell - and Jimmy chuckled again, softer this time. He moved one hand up to tangle his fingers in Gary's hair.

"Ready to talk?" Jimmy asked, rubbing soothing circles onto Gary's scalp with a thumb. He had learned early on that Gary really liked this, but especially during feelings time. Feelings time was hard enough with Gary.

"I guess." His boyfriend shifted in his arms, getting himself more comfortable. Jimmy licked his lips as his skin pressed against Gary's, but forced those thoughts away quickly.

"Need me to lead?"

This happened sometimes. After discussing it some with Pete, he had come to the understanding that Gary was just easier to tame if you gave him a direct line of conversation. Asking what happened, what's wrong wouldn't always work because it was so broad. Gary mumbled a soft affirmative into Jimmy's neck, which once again made Jimmy thank just how helpful Pete had been in these last few months.

"Okay, let's start with a simple one." Jimmy frowned faintly. He was no expert, but what tended to happen was that there was usually a trigger, something that happened to cause the initial feelings of upset within his partner. "What made you angry? I dunno isn't a good enough answer."

Gary muttered a muffled complaint into his neck and then moved his face to look over Jimmy. His eyes roamed Jimmy's skin, and he seemed to be thinking. Finally, he spoke. "Someone shut their locker too loud in the hallway." He hissed as he sharply inhaled. "I think it was Algie."

Algie. Locker. Loud noises? Jimmy nodded. "Why did that make you angry?"

Gary bit his lip. Nervous habit, usually hot but in this scenario Jimmy just hoped Algie hadn't done something serious to his partner. "I dunn... I'm not sure." He corrected when Jimmy gave him a look.

"What did it make you think about?"

"The asylum." Gary responded almost immediately. There we go - Jimmy had just asked the wrong question the first time. Frowning, Jimmy nodded.

"Tell me what went through your mind, baby."

Gary hesitated for such a long period of time that Jimmy thought he simply wasn't going to answer. He had resorted to resting his head against Jimmy's shoulder. When he spoke, Jimmy was surprised - he had been trying to come up with what to ask next, thinking the question had been too generalized.

"I saw slamming cells and angry orderlies." Gary mumbled. "I think it was a flashback or whatever."

Ah, yes. The dreaded C-PTSD, something Jimmy knew hardly anything about really, except that Gary had only recently been diagnosed in November, a month before they started dating. Breathing out evenly, Jimmy said, "And that made you angry because it reminded you of the asylum?"

"No. I was angry because of the reaction itself." Gary was tense. "Things started to blur and I needed to get out so I came to the first place I thought of as safe."

Jimmy's room. He paused to consider this for a moment. Four months in and they hadn't even said I love you yet, but Gary felt safe enough to come here first? Jimmy was almost flattered.

"So the loud noise triggered your trauma, and your first impulse was to... fuck me?" Jimmy squinted at him.

"My first impulse was to stab you." Gary's voice was tight and Jimmy knew it wasn't a joke, but he couldn't help but laugh anyway.

"Yeah, like you could ever." Gary looked at him incredulously and Jimmy couldn't help but lean in for a kiss. He was just so cute.

"Fucking was a better response than knifing, good job." Jimmy murmured to him, amusement in his tone. Gary glared daggers at him and for a second Jimmy wondered if Gary may actually try to hurt him, but then he just settled down against Jimmy's chest and mumbled out a relunctant whatever.

"Do you wanna talk about the asylum yet?" Jimmy asked him. They hadn't, but Jimmy had given offers like this, when Gary had these moments. He wanted him to know he'd be there, even if Gary wasn't ready.

"No." Gary's response was quick and that was the end of that conversation. Jimmy jerked his head up and down in a brief nod and then tiredly pressed his head to his partner's.

"Promise me you won't smoke again." Jimmy said, a clipped threat underlying his words. Gary hesitated. "Or at least promise to try."

"I can try." Gary agreed, and that was all Jimmy wanted from him.

#gary smith #jimmy hopkins #smopkins #long post

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