#(that’s probably the anxiety attack I’m trying to run away from rn)

[ssaemhotchner]

Anytime you feel on verge of a complete brain turn off and cry sesh to buy a few extra minutes just turn on some of your favourite upbeat music (one song is all we can stand if we are at this point let’s be real don’t let me push you into anything more) and wink dramatically into that invisible camera I know you all have when you want to be dramatic and break the fourth wall and then dance. If your sitting down stay sat and dance if you’re lying down stay lying down and dance idc and no this might not always work maybe it won’t work at all but this is what I do when I need that straining thread to hold for a few more minutes 😭😭

[rainecreatesstuff]

LAMP Soulmate AU Bulletfic thing

Word Count: 2569

TW: Mentions and implications of abuse, mentions of anxiety, descriptions of panic attacks, mentions and implications of death + illness

They’re all connected in different ways

Virgil is connected to Patton through that thing where marks on your soulmate’s skin appear of yours too

Roman through a thing where on your eleventh birthday at 11:11pm a name will pop into your head and wow its your soulmate’s

And Logan through the string thing

Roman is connected to Patton through a timer on his wrist

And Logan through a tattoo-like mark on your wrist that says your soulmate’s first words to you

Logan and Patton are connected through a soulmark (A tattoo or raised pattern on your skin that is also on your soulmate)

Patton is blind

so in this au different soulmarkers develop at different ages

So when V’s little he’s super excited to meet his sm, bc his parents are soulmates and everything he’s seen abt them is so sweet and exciting!

He turns six and doesn’t develop a timer, which is what he was hoping for

But that’s ok! There are tons of other soulmarkers!

And then he doesn’t develop a soulmark when he’s seven

Or a sentence on his wrist when he’s eight

And he can see colours

So he’s starting to get nervous

And hey! Mom’s sick, and in the hospital, and she’s just not doing too swell

But then when he turns nine, a beautiful red string has been tied around his ring finger when he wakes up!

And wow! Mom look, I have a soulmate! Just like you and daddy!

And then a few months later he’s doing his homework at the kitchen table and the string goes limp before shriveling up and turning black

The doctors have no explanation, and V’s anxiety has really started to kick in

Mom doesn’t seem to be getting better either

So when he turns ten, he is fully aware that this is probably his last chance to develop a soulmarker

He writes on his forearm the night before his birthday

It says “Hey, I’m V! I guess we’re soulmates?”

When he wakes up there’s nothing new

Which is fine! Because that means his sm is probably in the same time zone as him!

But then he keeps waiting and

Nothing

Nothing for a week.

Eventually his dad convinces him to wash it off

Then on his eleventh birthday he knows how uncommon a soulname connection is, but he needs to try

So it’s 11:10 and he’s sitting at his desk with a marker ready to write it down and then-

Roman Prince

Roman prince? What do you mean Roman prince? That’s not a name! What the hell?!

So he’s really sad and anxious and stuff because he doesn’t have a soulmate and, yknow, that’s kinda upsetting for him

And hey, your mom really isn’t doing too well, we have to visit her after school, okay?

At first Virgil doesn’t understand why mom’s being so dramatic or why she keeps telling him she loves him

Then it hits him

And now he’s sobbing and hugging her and shaking and he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe

Fun fact! Turns out this is a regular thing and he has really bad anxiety.

And mom has been put in a medically induced coma

So a year later dad decides to pull the plug

Virgil’s anxiety has gotten really bad

He’s just not in a good place

High school goes by without much happening

Now he’s going to university! How exciting and stressful!

Roman, too, was entranced by the idea of soulmates. His parents aren’t soulmates, but they encourage his excitement about them!

And when he turns six, he develops a timer on his wrist! Score! What a romantic way to meet the love of your life!

Or friend of your life

His moms are so excited for him! They get him new paints and take him out to dinner to celebrate.

And then he wakes up on his eighth birthday to words on his right wrist

It says “If you could stop talking, it would be vastly appreciated.”

He’s a little pissed

His moms take him to the doctor bc “wtf why does he have TWO soulmarkers?!”

The answer is that he has two soulmates

It’s uncommon, but possible

So while he is ecstatic and ready to parade his soulmarkers around the school, his moms are a little less happy and a little more worried

They may have made the suggestion that he wears long sleeves most days, those ones that he hates because they will not roll up

But he did what they asked because they’re his moms, and he loves them very much

And then a few years later on his birthday he’s typing up a short story for school

It’s due the next day so he’s rushing through it a little bit

It’s still amazing

But anyways, he’s writing, and he suddenly just gets the name “Virgil Miller” stuck in his head

He doesn’t think anything of it bc he’s writing and that’s normal

He ends up naming the main character Virgil 

Logan grows up in a bit of a run-down part of town

His Mami and Dad are soulmates (he doesn’t think they should be)

They fight a lot, and sometimes Dad’ll hurt Mami, especially at night when they think he’s asleep

And he’s heard Mami on the phone with his Tia, talking about court cases? And laws, and soulmates?

Needless to say, he isn’t all too enamoured with the idea of soulmates

When he’s seven he gets a soulmark, some bumps over his heart, which is a little distressing

He’s never met this person, but he’s supposed to spend his whole life with them?

He’s very scared that his soulmate will be like Dad

And then he develops the words “Bold of you to assume I can stop talking” on his right wrist

And then a string when he’s nine.

He doesn’t tell his parents about any of them. “Soulless” people existed, and he knew his Mami was hoping he was one of them.

And then later that year Mami sits him down and tells him that she’s going to live with his Tia until she can find her own apartment, and that she and Dad aren’t together anymore

Logan cries for a while, and tells her about all the things he’s heard, and the bruises he’s seen, and begs to go with her

Mami says she was hoping he would

His Dad finds out the day before they leave and he hits Logan

Multiple times

And when his Mami steps in, Dad scowls and yells and stomps away and Mami picks Logan up and they run to the car and leave

When they get to his Tia’s he hides in the guest bedroom they said is his and he takes a pair of scissors and

Snip snip, he’s 33% more “soulless”

He steals Mami’s concealer and puts it on his wrist everyday to cover the words there

The only one he doesn’t cover is the soulmark on his chest, which he almost never sees because of his shirt

Whenever anyone asks, he just tells them he’s soulless

He tries not to get too close to people, but he usually fails and so he has a very small, very tight friend group 

Oh also he’s a grade ahead of his year

Patton’s family is very well off

He’s the oldest of four brothers

He’s trans, but his family is v supportive and helped him transition as soon as they found out

His service dog’s name is Cookie and she’s a golden retriever

He’s had her since he was eleven, and he loves her very much

Because he’s blind there’s certain things he didn’t know about growing up

For example, nobody told him about soulmates until he was nine

Which really explains the weird ticking he hears every once in a while, as well as the strange, tiny bumps on his chest (which spell out “Loved” in Braille)

He doesn’t think about it too often, but he’d be lying if the idea didn’t entrance him

He didn’t think he’d ever meet his soulmates, though, and if he did, he wasn’t sure they’d want the responsibility of a blind soulmate

On the day he turns ten, there’s this little tickling on his forearm, like butterflies gently taking off on him

He doesn’t really think anything of it, though

Despite being blind, Patton is super capable

He can’t cook by himself, but if he’s supervised he does a really good job. He’s the most prepared for “real life” out of his siblings, which is strange, considering he’s the oldest

He goes to public school, where most kids are really nice (sometimes antagonistically nice), but there were also some rude kids

“You don’t really need that walking stick, you’ve got a dog, and we need it to play our game!”

The amount of times he’s had to explain that no you dumbass I do still need the stick is ridiculous

But he keeps a smile on his face and forges through it

And then in grade eleven Roman’s studying in the hallway when he sees some kid being bullied

Well, not bullied, but definitely teased. Something was wrong, anyways

He’s been on edge all day because his timer keeps going down

But he’s not really thinking about it rn

So he goes over and gets the idiots to leave and

Holy hell did heaven drop an angel? They must have, because look at this boy with his golden hair and tanned skin and freckles and

Beep beep motherfucker. It’s soulmate o’clock

And Roman is just so happy

“H-hey, I’m Roman!” “Oh, hi, I’m Patton! Did... did your timer go off?” “Uh yeah! It did!”

And Patton

Just grins so wide and there’s tears, and he leaps up and hugs Roman so tight

And Roman is so freaking happy!!!! He asks Patton for his contact because duh and Pat’s like

“Uhhh well I can’t text”

“Why?”

“..... I’m blind?” “OHHHHHHH”

So they figure they can talk over the phone because Patton does have a phone for calling

So they have a cute first date and they fall in love and everything’s good and dandy and Roman’s going to college but Patton’s found this real nifty job that just so happens to be right next to Roman’s college so they move in together and Patton knows about Roman’s other sm and Roman knows about Patton’s other sm

And Roman’s in a lecture now

And he didn’t really notice but he’s been muttering

And he’s just kinda sitting there when he hears it from the guy next to him

So he looks up and here’s this ethereal looking dude with gorgeous brown eyes and dark hair and

“Bold of you to assume I can stop talking.”

He curses every known god for making his first words to his soulmate be a meme

They excuse themselves from class because holy shit

And Logan introduces himself shakily

And Roman asks for his number

And they go on a date where Roman tells him about Patton and Logan mentions having a soulmark over his heart

Logan is really hesitant to join their relationship bc he was hoping he would never meet his soulmates

So they don’t put a label on it right away

But they go on a few dates and hang out a bunch and Logan realizes that he actually really, really likes these guys and he doesn’t really want to live the rest of his life without them

So he talks to them and tells them about some of the stuff that happened when he was a kid

Roman and Patton are horrified but they hug him and promise that they will never lay a finger on him if he asks them not to 

And Logan just has a moment of “These guys love me. Like actually love me. And want me to be happy. And I think I feel the same?” 

So on their next date Logan asks both of them to be his boyfriends and obviously they say yes

And basically they’re just all really in love

They move into a bigger apartment together at the beginning of year two

So then they’re all cuddling one day when Logan tells them about his string

And so the other two are like “oh shit is there another???”

And Roman says that on his eleventh birthday he just suddenly had this name pop into his head but he just assumed he’d wanted the name for a character so

And Patton says that after getting his soulmark AND a timer he didn’t think to check for anything else

So they’re all kinda like well whoops let’s hope we still meet them!

And Patton’s at his job one day when this guy walks in and he’s one of the new employees

Pat’s got his seeing eye doggo with him but the vest is off cuz they’re both on break

And so V’s like “oh cool dog can I pet him?”

Bc usually he would never just go up and ask but he literally can’t stop himself because here’s this adorable dude in front of him and the universe is screeching at him to say hi

And Pat hears his voice and immediately falls in love

“Oh, yea sure! She’s my eye dog, but she’s on break so it’s all good!”

And V meets Pat and his dog

And they end up exchanging numbers because they are coworkers and well

Yknow

So a couple days later, after him and Patton have been talking a lot, Pat invites him over

So V goes over and meets Roman and Logan

And he hears Roman’s name and

Holy shit

And of course Roman is also freaking out because the name Virgil just really hasn’t left his head since he thought of it

So yknow

Logan’s a little unsure, but then the two get talking about astronomy and he doesn’t care if they’re not soulmates he is going to marry this guy

And they all get really close really fast

And then one day Virgil offhandedly mentions the string thing

And Logan freezes and just

Shows V his right ring finger, where they can both see this rotting string that’s still tied tight around it and

Fuck V can’t breathe are you kidding? right now?

So they help ground him, and Logan explains everything

And Roman tells him what’s up

But they’re not really sure how he’s connected to Patton but then he just

Grabs a marker and draws a heart on his hand and

It’s right there on Patton’s hand holy s h i t

So they take Virgil on a date and stuff and they make it official

And Virgil’s a little nervous bc like those three have been together for a while now and he feels like he’s intruding

But he talks to Logan and L understands bc Roman and Patton had been dating for 2+ years when he found them

He promises that V is not intruding and that they all really love him

And Virgil just full on starts crying because he hasn’t felt this loved since before his mom died and he loves his bfs so much

They find their bfs and just cuddle all night

Virgil moves in with the rest of them at the beginning of third year 

They get their happily ever after for the most part

Hopefully y’all liked this! I think I’ll be posting more writing on here, bc I have TONS of wips stacked up in a google docs and I’d like to get them out of there lmao

[briswriting]

『 tamaki captures a picture perfect moment with you in a field of autumn leaves 』

pairing: tamaki amajiki x gn!reader genre: fluff wc: 1701

a/n: ahhh another collab! this is for the attack on academia server! a whole bunch of other amazing writers are participating so go check them out too yay!!! also this is my first tamaki fic i love him with my whole heart but i'm so sorry if i wrote him ooc ajsdhfgjkdsflks also thank you @leiasfanaccount648​ for giving me a plot idea because my brain rn is not big ahahahaha collab masterlist here!!! 

Tamaki Amajiki was socially awkward, everyone knew that, it was no surprise to see him hiding his face away whenever his anxiety spiked and he grew nervous. Yet here you were, the two of you alone, walking side by side as a gentle autumn breeze swept around you, the both of you one your way to the nearest pumpkin patch. A small content smile on his face as he listened to you ramble about your week, the anxious jitters in his body calming down with just the delightful sound of your voice.

Maybe it was the way you looked absolutely radiant in the soft glow of the sunlight, but Tamaki couldn't help the way the usual tension in his body, whenever he was around others, seemed to be at ease when he was with you. Everything but the beating of his heart, which happened to beat a little faster than average every time he caught a glimpse of you.

He wondered if his presence made you feel the same way; wondered if your heart went sporadic every time you saw him or if your breath got caught in your throat when you saw him smile just like his does.

He knew the two of you were just friends, never really showing you any way to indicate that he held feelings for you that were not platonic but deep down he hoped that maybe, just maybe you felt the same way he felt. Little did he know, you did harbor feelings for him that were romantic, that’s why you were rambling to him about your week after he politely asked you how you have been. Words flying out of your mouth because his mere presence made you want to run a mile, your heart going ten times the speed it should be; causing your brain to short circuit and not make your mouth shut at a simple I’ve been well, how have you been.

“Thanks again for coming with me. I know it’s the weekend and you probably had plans but I appreciate it, even if Nejire probably is the one who made you come along.” You smile at him, fingers fiddling with the hem of your sleeves as you look at him.

“You don’t have to keep thanking me and apologizing Y/N, I came because I wanted to,” he whispers out.

What he tells you isn’t completely a lie, but it also isn’t the full truth. He did want to accompany you to the local pumpkin patch after Nejire had told him that you wanted someone to help you take pictures there, but he was quick to say no after learning that it was going to be just the two of you, alone. But with a lot of pushing from his two very insisting friends, he had agreed to go, thinking of all the possible scenarios that could happen while the two of you were alone.

“I didn’t know you were the one who took all of Nejire’s photos that she posts! They’re really good, I can’t believe you just take them off your phone,” you compliment him, a blush rising to his cheeks at your praise.

“I-It’s nothing really. I don’t know what I’m doing half of the time,” he stammers out. “They only look good because it’s Nejire in the photos.” He quickly tries to dismiss your appreciation for his photos, not wanting to combust then and there if you try to compliment him even more.

“Yeah, she’s pretty, everyone knows that! But I think most of the skills come from the one behind the camera otherwise she wouldn’t have any pictures,” you point out to him as he becomes a blushy mess beside you. “You’ll make me look pretty right?” You jokingly ask, a quiet giggle following your words. It took everything within Tamaki to not outright tell you the truth; that you didn’t need some pictures to make you look pretty, you already were in his eyes.

The pumpkin patch, thankfully, was not that busy, making it perfect for taking pictures among the red, orange, and yellows without pesky photobombers in the background.

“So how do you normally take pictures with Nejire? Do you usually, like, tell her what to do?” You ask Tamaki as the two of you walk around trying to find somewhere to start.

“Oh, umm usually I just follow her directions because she knows what to do. I just snap pictures whenever she tells me to,” he quickly replies. His words from earlier proven true as he nervously looks around the field, eyes scanning everywhere but towards your direction as thoughts flooded his mind. Thoughts that you were disappointed that he didn’t know what he was doing, thoughts of regret that you asked him to come along and not someone else.

From his body language, you can quickly tell that he was getting anxious, thoughts of having to tell you what to do even though he himself had no idea as to what he was doing. Softly you place a hand on his shoulder to try and calm him down. “Hey, it’s okay. Why don’t we just enjoy ourselves and whenever you think the timing is right you can snap a picture? I always liked the more natural and candid photos,” you smile at him, trying your best to ease his nerves.

“Y-yeah that’s a good idea,” he agrees quickly, the tension in his body calming down at the sight of your smile and calming words.

So with that, the two of you set off to enjoy what the pumpkin patch had to provide for its visitors, spending hours enjoying each other’s presence, not even realizing that every time you weren’t paying attention to him, Tamaki snapped a quick picture.

As the sun started to set, basking the field in a warm golden glow, the two of you ended your little expedition with a cup of fresh apple cider. A breeze picked up as the sunlight disappeared, sending a chill through your body as you sat next to Tamaki on a park bench. The two of you silently enjoying the sweet golden liquid that pleasantly warmed up your body.

“Want to see the pictures I took?” Tamaki asked, breaking the comfortable silence that surrounded the two of you.

You had stared at him for a few moments, confused by what he asked before your brain quickly remembered the reason that the two of you were here. Having so much fun with him, you had completely forgotten that he was supposed to be taking pictures of you. You quickly nodded at him before scooting yourself closer to him, peering at his phone screen. Your focus was so directed to his screen that you missed the way his body stilled beside you, his hands slightly trembling as you sat close enough for your leg to be touching his.

“Wow,” you breathed out. “These are really good Tamaki! I didn’t even notice you taking these pictures! You have a real knack for knowing the perfect moment to take them. I can’t choose my favorite one because they’re all so good!” You beamed up at him, averting your gaze from his phone to his face, his breath hitching in his throat at not only the close proximity but your dazzling smile that you were sending his way.

“It’s nothing really. It was easy to just snap them whenever you weren’t paying attention,” he whispered. Because you look beautiful all the time, he silently thinks to himself.

But he hadn’t said that last part in his head like he thought he did, because he quickly noticed the stillness of your form next to him. He mentally scolded  himself for saying something so stupid out loud before trying to stutter out an explanation.

“D-Do you really mean that Tamaki?” You quietly asked, eyes focused on your lap as you fiddled with your fingers.

Of course he meant it. He thought you were the most beautiful person he’s ever known and today just confirmed it even more. The way your eyes sparkled with joy when you were talking to him about the things you were passionate about, the way your smile that reached your eyes seemed to warm his heart, the way you didn’t even have to try for him to feel like putty in your hands.

“Yeah,” he breathes out. “I mean it. I, umm, have liked you for a while; but if you don’t feel the same way obviously that’s okay. We can just pretend that slip up never happened and if you want we don’t have to be friends anymore. I know it was a weird thing to say, we aren’t even that close, you probably think I’m weir-”

You quickly cut off his rambling by grabbing his trembling hands and entwining your fingers with his, your thumbs softly grazing over his knuckles, trying your best to soothe his anxiety after his little slip up.

“Hey, it’s okay, Tamaki. Calm down.” Your soothing voice calmed down his overworking mind. “I like you too if that helps,” you giggle out. Of course, your confession didn’t help, it just made his brain go even more haywire than it already was.

He sat there silently, gawking at your entwined hands as his mind was still trying to wrap around the idea that you liked him back. But once he was able to process your words, his body seemed to relax as he slumped over and placed his forehead on your shoulder, hiding his blushing face away from you.

“Oh that’s good,” he had barely whispered out, sighing contently to himself as you let out another laugh at his words. Lifting his head off of your shoulder, he looked at you for the first time since his confession, the way your face adorned a soft smile set his heart ablaze.

He took a mental image of the way you looked at him with admiration. Admiration for him, and only him. As the two of you sat side by side in the quiet field, the only sound heard was that of your quiet breaths and the soft beating of your hearts for one another. A picture perfect moment indeed.

[slytherflynn]

Old and New | Pt I

Blaise Zabini x muggle!reader

word count: 1971

summary: y/n is new to France on a study abroad trip. Blaise is visiting France post-Hogwarts. rags to riches story of an unfortunate muggle falling for a complicated, ridiculously wealthy person who just so happens to also be a powerful Wizard.

a/n: this started with an idea, became a moodboard, then became an entire fleshed out fic! I thought it would be short but my brain had other ideas. enjoy! note: I did write this from my personal perspective in life. as a result it is not very inclusive. I plan to change that with my next fics, I’ve just been having a really hard time lately and have been writing a lot of comfort fics and/or self-inserts to escape from irl bc irl is rly shitty for me rn

It’s a brand-new start, in a brand-new apartment, in a brand-new city, in a brand-new country... an ocean away from home. I can bring Tacoma to France, right? At least, that’s what I’m trying to tell myself. Study abroad is fucking... scary. I kinda regret it. It’s a good opportunity and for someone who doesn’t travel, it should be a fun experience. But I’m currently having an anxiety attack over taking out the garbage, so I’m not sure my positive self-talk is working.

I look out the window of my top floor apartment, wait until someone finally finishes walking down the stairs, and run out my door - I nearly trip about five times going down the spiral of death, my arms feel like jelly thanks to perpetually pushing my garbage deeper in to avoid this trip, and I swing with all my might to hurl my garbage bag into the trash compacting dumpster - only it hits the bottom lip and falls to the ground, splitting open.

“Great!” I say, sarcastically, “First they send my luggage to the wrong location, then they try to say my passport isn’t valid because my apartment was a temporary address, then I’m greeted with a fridge full of rotting food and no power, then I’m bitten up by fleas and now - I just- fuck. Why can’t I just- do anything- right-“ I cut myself off when I hear a screen door slide and blink a couple times to erase the threat of tears that had been creeping up on me while I ranted.

When I look up, I see a tall, dark-skinned guy about my age - handsome. He’s wearing a suit, and expensive jewelry. Combine that with the fact he’s living in the apartment building next to me, which is worth more than my life just for one month of rent, and I put together that he’s probably rich beyond belief. I quickly look away, not wanting to stare. I silently pick up my garbage, piece by piece. As I work, I feel eyes drilling holes in the back of my head. I ignore it. It continues, and I still ignore it as I finally shove my ripped garbage bag in the compactor and slam the door shut. I hear a slight jump up above, and chuckle to myself.

I zoom back up the stairs and almost make it to the top, but I trip 5 stairs away from my door - and fall, hard. Body laid out flat hard. Cheek scraped and stinging from the metal grating on the stairs, hard. Lost the goddamned slide that caught on the stair, and can see it gradually falling, bouncing and rolling down the stairs, hard. I lift my head and see blood on the stair. I feel it running down my face. All I can think is that this really fucking hurts. The tears come, a combination of pain and frustration, and I pick myself up and stumble my way into my apartment, completely forgetting about the attractive rich boy who just watched me be a danger and inconvenience to myself.

I rush to the kitchen and grab a roll of paper towels, and run to the bathroom, I see the markings in the mirror and can tell it will leave a sizeable scar. Do I need stitches? I don’t know. Anyway, I start dabbing at everything and blood is still oozing out of every nook and cranny, to my displeasure. I’m about to start bandaging my face when I hear a knock on my door. “Fucking Christ!” I mutter to myself as I slap a wad of paper towels on my face and sulkily go to fling open my door.

I’m not sure who I’m expecting, but to see the same rich guy on my doorstep, slide in hand, probably wasn’t it. “Hey, um, I saw what happened, and I thought you might want your shoe back.” His accent sounds very British - I was expecting it to sound more like a snooty Frenchman’s.

“Oh. Um. Thanks.” I say flatly.

As my muscles twitch to begin closing the door, he says, “Would you like some help cleaning that up? I have certifications to give medical aid... and stitches. My name’s Blaise, by the way.”

Doctor, maybe? Probably. “Sure,” I say, opening the door wider and standing back so the blood doesn’t drip on his suit. “I’m y/n.”

A few minutes later we’re in my bathroom, me sitting on the toilet, him sitting on the bathtub as he helps me fix my face. “So, Mademoiselle y/n,” He asks, “Do you find yourself in these predicaments very often?”

“Which one? Poverty, flea bitten, or bloody?” I say.

“I suppose whichever you’d like to think I was referring to.”

“Well, in *that* case - I’m usually caught unawares in all kinds of predicaments - though I’d say self-injury due to clumsiness is an uncommon one. And do you usually find yourself in predicaments requiring you to treat someone’s wounds?”

“I used to, though now it’s only on the occasion.”

“Sounds like an improvement,” I note. “I won’t guarantee it, but I think I’ll get the hang of walking up the stairs soon enough, so you don’t have to worry about me.”

“I wouldn’t necessarily mind it if I did worry about you once or twice more. Why were you running? It seemed like you wanted to get away from something. Does your garbage compactor smell that disturbing?”

“It doesn’t smell great,” I admit, “But truth be told, I’m not a fan of human interaction. It’s scary. Especially when everything is new to me.”

“How long have you been In France?”

“A few days, just enough to get myself physically settled.”

“I see. And you are from America?”

“Mhm. Let me guess, my accent gave it away.”

“And the slang, I’ve yet to hear someone from France use certain terms that you seem to favor.”

“Oh, most of my slang is specific to my city, not just my country.”

“Your city?”

“Yea, Tacoma. It’s near Seattle, if you know where that is. Tacoma’s better, though.”

“I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never been there. My mother is a fashion designer, but she only travels where there’s inspiration or a business deal.” So that’s how he gets the expensive clothes. The rest of the money too, probably.

“Must be nice, having a handmade closet.” I muse. “Not that I care for having any more clothes than I brought. They’re pretty reliable, if I do say so myself.”

He laughs. “Yes, well, if the blood stains don’t come out of your jumpsuit you might need a new one. They shouldn’t be too difficult to remove, though.”

“Yea, I’ll just dump a bucket of Oxi-Clean on it and call it a day. That is, if any stores nearby have it.” I frown, realizing I have no clue if France carries any of the products I usually get. This is gonna suck. Hopefully the internet has some answers so I don’t have to ask anyone for help.

“Why don’t I take your jumpsuit back with me? Save you the trip. Believe it or not, I used to have chronic nosebleeds, so I know a thing or two about stain removal.” Blaise offers.

I smile, only just. “Well, if you insist. But I love this jumpsuit practically more than myself, so I expect it back right away!”

He returns the smile. “A fan of fashion? You ought to meet my mother.”

I chuckle. “I’m sure your mom would despise me - I only own seven jumpsuits and some athleisure for going on runs.” I pause, then tack on: “Oh, and some fuzzy pajamas for when I’m sick.”

Blaise cocks a brow at me. “And when you’re not sick?”

“Don’t worry about it.” I grin mischievously.

A wave of recognition graces his eyes, and he very quickly looks away, I assume for being flustered.

“You Americans, always so scandalous.” He tsks in mock scorn.

“That’s what we’re known for, is it not?” I say cheekily, “Beer, boobs and gun barrels. And all the other problems that come with that, but that’s a can of worms I am not looking to open today.”

He ties off his handiwork, and says, “It looks like my job is finished, other than stealing your jumpsuit off your back to fix it. I can wait in the other room, if you’d like?”

“Um, yea, that works. Lemme just, grab my next jumpsuit. Gonna have to do laundry early, I suppose-“

“I can wash your jumpsuit for you. I’m pretty good at reading labels, if I do say so myself.” He jokes.

“Oh?” I say, “Then you must be a real genius! Who taught you, Einstein?”

“No, but it was another white-haired, eccentric man, so you’re not that far off.”

“When all teachers are like that it’s kind of impossible not to hit relatively close to the mark.” I remark, then change clothes as quickly as I can, tossing the dirty outfit into a trusty plastic bag and tying it shut.

When I walk out to the living room, Blaise is toying with one of my sculptures. He’s definitely been meandering and lurking around. “Enjoying yourself?” I ask, at which he jumps. “You’re rather skittish, Blaise.”

“And you’re rather quiet on your feet, y/n.” He observes. “But yes, I quite like your eclectic style. If only you had an apartment that let your customization shine. Something more minimalist.”

“Yes, well, it’s something I’ll forever dream of and likely never accomplish. I don’t suspect I’m going to be someone leaving the income level I was born into.” I say, just a little bit cynical.

“And why is that?” He asks.

“Because most people don’t, and the ones who do are the ones who make money. My career isn’t going to make me money.” I reply.

“So why did you pick it?”

I sigh. “Because somebody has to care about the people like me. The politicians don’t, the middle class don’t, and the rich are hell bent on keeping us there so they can have factory workers and have people going straight to prison after they graduate because we’re all desperate and miserable.”

He frowns. “That’s terrible.”

“It’s reality. And I don’t want to be like the people who get rich and stop caring because all they see is the wage difference and pretend it’s justified so they don’t have to feel complicit in the system.” I look him in the eye, my face grim. “Not all luck is by chance. Most of it is by design.”

He nods. “I understand, in a way.”

“Everyone does.” I say. “But understanding in a way and caring enough to do something about it are two different things.” I look away from him when I see his posture change. “I’m not trying to be rude, but it’s impossible not to notice the wealth gap between us when you’re wearing designer clothes and living in what looks like a mansion and I’m living in a building made in like 1900 with no elevator. It’s just the way things are, though.”

“I know.” He says quietly, thoughtfully. “I’d better get going. Your clothes?” He reaches out tentatively for the bag I’m still holding.

“Oh. Right.” I say, handing it to him. Our fingers brush against each other slightly, and it sends chills down my spine. He heads to the door while I’m rooted to the spot, collecting myself.

“I look forward to seeing you again, y/n.” He nods, meeting my eyes with a rather changed expression.

“I’ll see you soon, then?” I ask, not quite sure which answer I’m expecting.

He smiles, only just. “As soon as I am able.” Seconds later, he’s out the door, and I’m alone in my dingy ass apartment. How in the fuck did any of that just happen?

[olivinesea]

Space Is Only Noise If You Can See

a/n: I don’t know why I’m doing this. Maybe it’s because I handle change & uncertainty extremely poorly and that is all my life is rn. Maybe I just need to find out the extent of my evil powers. Regardless, you’re about to experience something unpleasant. TW major character death, suicide mentions, guns, violence, you name it, it’s happening. Only positive is I actually outlined the whole thing first this time so I know where we’re going (it’s not good). ~2.8k

Mr. Scratch surrendered. Or did he? Discuss.

It was always the smell that got to him. The sickly sweet scent of decaying flowers. He wondered who had made the decision to flood all funerals with the same noxious lilies. Didn’t that smell make anyone else feel ill? It lingered in the back of his throat, fogging his vision. He scowled at the offending arrangements—ostentatious wreathes shaped like hearts with hollow messages in a stock cursive font. He had been to so many funerals at this point he was reluctant to admit he sometimes got confused about where he was, who he was mourning. He tried to focus on the portrait of the deceased, but the outline kept shifting.

He blinked hard to settle his contacts, tears always had a detrimental effect on their usefulness. He needed to remember to wear his glasses to the next funeral. A twisted laugh threatened to slip, gallows humor at its finest. No matter how hard he tried, there would always be a next funeral. He wondered how many more before it was his turn, before he no longer had to be the one staying strong for everyone else, pretending the smell didn’t make him choke. He looked again, determined to figure out when he was before he was required to do anything, before he let on that he wasn’t fully present.

The coffin, shiny and black, occupied center stage. Where he thought he’d seen people solemnly walking up the aisle to say goodbye, there was only empty space. He realized he was unnervingly alone. Yet the coffin was not, it was flanked on either side by identical shapes, the light reflecting from their polished surfaces dazzling his vision. He stumbled to his feet, gripping tightly to the smooth wood of the pew in front of him. He rubbed his fingers against it, distracted by the grain, worn down by decades of touch. He looked again and there were six coffins, the once open space crowded and bent to accommodate so much loss.

He swayed, confused, it must be the damn flowers. The whole room seemed to tilt and he fell into the aisle, landing hard on his knees. He looked up just in time to see the coffins, doubled, tripled in size, rolling toward him, shuddering as they picked up speed.

Hotch gasped as he woke up on the jet, gripping the armrest tightly as he scanned the area around him. No one noticed the slight disruption, he knew well how to stay still, how to disappear in response to distress. Everyone was dozing or lost in their thoughts, drained from long days on the road. He counted their heads to check that everyone was accounted for. They were coming back from another case, he wasn’t quite sure from where. His hands shook from holding the seat too tightly so he put them in his lap, absently running his thumb across his other fingers.

He pulled out his phone to check the time and, more importantly, to check the date. He’d been struggling ever since the Scratch case to keep the details of time in order. It was embarrassing and he did his best to hide these lapses in awareness. The disorientation was always worse after one of these dreams. Though he was too practiced to show he was having nightmares, this one was starting to get to him. It had been coming back again and again since that night when he watched his team die. One right after the other, unable to stop it, unable to even be sure it wasn’t himself pulling the trigger. Though they were safe, were still alive at least, he couldn’t shake the fear. It had been so real. And it had been his fault.

He tried to tell himself to let it go, that it was only a hallucination brought on by a chemical attack from a psychopath. A man who was now in prison, successfully captured by his very alive teammates while he sat uselessly on the floor, afraid to trust his senses. However, he couldn’t quite escape the nagging fear that Scratch didn’t surrender, that in the mess of it all he had gotten away. When he let himself think about it, it never made sense that a man so calculated, so many moves ahead of them, would simply give in. He couldn’t be sure that the surrender wasn’t one of the false memories.

There was no way to distinguish between them, the real and the nightmare. He could only convince himself that his team was alive by watching carefully as they breathed whenever they weren’t looking. By their heated bickering over who would ride where. Lately he had even relinquished the driver’s seat, worried that his loosely tethered mind might sweep them all off the road. He fixated on their little habits, certain that these were things his mind couldn’t make up, proof that his family was really there in front of him. The orange fingerprints on case files and every single coffee mug disappeared from the kitchenette, lost wherever Reid set them down before forgetting, caught up in some exciting train of thought. Things that might have frustrated him before became lifelines to reality, the reality he hoped with all his heart was true.

In the immediate days after the attack, he would ask Dave, quietly, for assurance that Peter Lewis was locked up, unable to harm his team. Dave was understanding, remembering how he had been that night, eyes full of loss. But the looks he gave Hotch grew longer and more worried with each repetition of the question. Now, again unsure, he was too ashamed to ask.

It had been so hard to keep things straight in his mind. For awhile he had been writing himself notes: “Peter Lewis is in prison.” Except he would find them again later, letters added, message changed, unable to tell if it was still his handwriting. It didn’t make sense for it to be someone else, fuck he kept these notes in his pockets, in his desk drawer, in his medicine cabinet. He couldn’t remember changing them though. Maybe that was what he had written in the first place. The confusion of the notes started making him feel worse so he stopped writing them. Every time he found another one, he tore it into tiny pieces, all the while trying to convince himself nothing was wrong with his behavior, nothing was wrong with his mind.

*

On Saturday, rare in its lack of crisis, Hotch was sitting on the couch, finally free to read a book while waiting for Jack to get home. He had been invited to a movie with some school friends. He started thinking about how relieved he was that Jack had friends to do normal things with and lost track of the story. As he scanned back, a little surprised how far he’d read without absorbing any information, his phone rang. His lungs constricted. Fear was always the first reaction to the phone ringing. He leaned forward to pick it up from the coffee table, brushing away his irrational feelings. It was Spencer. That was a little odd but not unheard of. Sometimes Spencer learned a new fact that only Hotch would appreciate and couldn’t wait until they got back to the office to share it. He smiled as he answered, anticipating an excited rush of speech. Instead there was silence.

“Hello?”

Nothing. He listened hard, not sure if he could hear breathing. There was some rustling, muffled and indistinct. Maybe Spencer dialed him by accident. He hung up and tried calling back. It rang without answer. He tried one more time but got the same result, the voicemail picking up quicker the second time. He told himself there was a mundane explanation but anxiety crawled like a spider up his neck. He was about to make another call, was trying to decide who was most likely to be helpful. Penelope? Derek? But then Jack walked in the door, hyped on candy and popcorn and wanting to repeat every joke from the movie. He let it go, if it was important Spencer would call back.

*

Monday morning and Spencer wasn’t in the office. Hotch had been there since 6 am, buried in paperwork, perpetually stuck in a state of catching up. He didn’t notice the absence until JJ came to ask him if he had any update from Spencer.

“Hmm? No, I haven’t heard from him. Update on what exactly?”

“Oh well he was supposed to come over for game night on Saturday but he said he wasn’t feeling well.” She assumed he was still sick, that he had called out. It was very unlike him to skip out on work, though perhaps he was just very unwell. Images of Spencer, pale and shaky, in the depths of his addiction, flashed through both of their memories and they exchanged looks. It had been so many years, and he did such a good job of pretending it never even happened, but they still remembered. It always came back whenever some uncertainty with Reid popped up.

“Have you tried calling him?” He tried to be logical, not everything needed to be the end of the world.

“Just goes to voicemail.” She raised her eyebrows at him, the silent question—what do we do boss?

He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He looked at the files covering his desk, he’d already put in several hours today, he could use a break.

“I’ll go check on him.”

She started to offer to go with him but he waved her off. If Reid was sick there was no reason for both of them to be exposed. If it was something else, well, it was probably better if Hotch was alone for that too. Just as he got to the elevator, Derek caught up with him.

“I hear you’re going to check on pretty boy,” he was trying to sound light-hearted.

Hotch made a noise in response.

“I’m coming with you.”

Hotch looked over at him and saw the steel behind the statement. He wasn’t asking. Neither one needed to say aloud the worry laying just beneath the surface. That dreaded what if that swam around in the back of all their minds. He gestured for Morgan to get in the elevator ahead of him.

*

They got to Spencer’s apartment with still no word from him. He didn’t answer when they knocked on the door and though neither wanted to admit it, they were starting to panic.

“He better be passed out on cough syrup,” Morgan muttered as he flipped through his keys to find Reid’s spare, still trying to mask his fear. When they got the door open the apartment was cold and empty. The blinds were closed and the room was dark. Once they flipped the lights on everything seemed normal though unoccupied. The apartment was relatively neat, stacks of books and papers operating as some kind of decor.

“Reid?” they called even though they could tell he wasn’t there. They wandered through the small apartment, checking for signs of their friend.

“Hotch!”

Hotch caught the edge of the door with his shoulder and swore as he hurried out of the bedroom to respond to Morgan’s distressed call. He was standing in the small kitchen, looking at the counter. On it were Reid’s keys, phone and wallet. They could have been tossed there upon his arrival. But wouldn’t he have taken them if he had gone somewhere?

“Where is he?” Morgan’s voice was tight.

Hotch shook his head, this didn’t make sense. He picked up the phone and saw the list of missed calls from the office, from JJ, from him. He unlocked it and checked, heart sinking as his fear was confirmed. The last call was to his own phone on Saturday evening.

“Call Garcia,” he said, checking Reid’s messages.

“What’s going on Hotch?” Morgan couldn’t take his eyes off Reid’s phone, the frantic way Hotch was scrolling through it.

He stopped and looked up. “I…I don’t know.” The images from his dream, his nightmare were threatening to envelop him. Reid crumpled on the ground, a gunshot still ringing, dark wood with rounded edges cradling his lifeless body. The phone screen blurred when he looked at it again and he dropped it on the counter, using his hands to hold himself up.

“Hey man, are you ok?” Derek started to move closer but Hotch turned away, effectively closing himself off.

“Call Garcia, we need to start a search.” And I need to get a grip, he thought as the world around him shifted disturbingly. If something was as wrong as it seemed, they would all be looking to him to solve it. He certainly couldn’t do that if he wasn’t even sure if he was clinging to the counter or the floor.

*

It was hours later when they finally got a lead. It was not the lead that they wanted. There was a report of a body matching his description at a morgue one town over. It had been pulled out of the river in the early hours on Sunday, spotted by a couple of unhappy fishermen. There had been no wallet, no ID, no way to figure out who he belonged to. They had put him down as a John Doe, a presumed suicide and he was being held until they could get around to trying to match dental records. Garcia teared up as she relayed the information to the rest of the team.

“That can’t be him! Are you sure?” Morgan spoke more harshly than he meant to, nerves frayed by hours of fending off worst case scenarios.

Garcia hesitated, holding a folder. “They sent pictures but…I can’t look. I’m sorry.” She started crying in earnest now.

“Oh baby girl,” Morgan put a hand gently on her shoulder and pulled the file away. He was reluctant to open it as well. Hotch saw this and quickly took the folder and walked to the other side of the table where he flipped it open. His mouth formed a grim line and he didn’t have to say anything for them to know. He was glad he took it, happy to spare them the sight of waxy pale skin, the only color a deep purple beneath his closed eyes and his startlingly blue lips. It looked like he was wearing make up, like this was just another Halloween look Spencer was testing out. Hotch stared at the picture a moment too long. This is real, he told himself.

“Aaron?” Dave tried to pull his attention back to the room of anxious agents. Even though they knew, there was still the tortured hope that if he didn’t say it out loud, it wasn’t true.

He sighed, “It’s Spencer.”

Garcia let out a sob and turned into the hug that Morgan wrapped around her. JJ, sitting at the table stared into the distance.

He tried to organize the facts, solidify them in his mind by repeating them silently to himself. He ran his hand through his hair, a nervous gesture he normally suppressed to avoid having it sticking out wildly.

“I’ll go formally identify the…” He couldn’t call Spencer a body. “I’ll go see when we can get him transferred to us.”

“I can come with you,” Dave offered but Hotch declined. Looking at the others he felt like they needed someone to stay with them that would ward off anything too impulsive. They were all stunned at the moment but the feeling in the room was unsettled.

“You’re wrong.” JJ spoke without looking at him, her gaze still fixed at a spot on the far end of the table. “Spence wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t.”

He realized she was crying and felt a weight start to crush his chest. With effort he moved to where she sat, unable to find anything to say. He touched her hand but she jerked away, suddenly standing and glaring at him.

“You’re wrong,” she repeated before leaving quickly.

There was a hand at his elbow, squeezing gently. “I’ll go talk to her in a little bit. You should get going, it’s already late.”

He tried not to pull away too quickly as he nodded his thanks at Dave, who looked at him curiously.

“Are you sure you don’t want someone to come with you?”

“No, no. I’m fine. I can do it.” He hoped Dave would ignore the shake in his voice. He was fine, he could do this, he didn’t have a choice. He walked to his office to get his things, stopping for a moment to pull out Reid’s phone again. He needed to check the calls one more time, to confirm what he thought he remembered. Sure enough, his number remained the last outgoing call. He didn’t know if it was better or worse that it was real.

~Part 2~

[whateverthedragonswant]

Holy crap this episode was funny as hell until it wasn't and then we were plunged right back into the intensity. But great episode!!! I don't lb so I don't get spoilers but man I had a lot of reactions as I watched. Ngl, a lot of cursing and caps ahead but damn was this such a good episode:

“One minute before the blackout” - now we’re to 1 minute from 1 week last week

“The place where this heart’s from, it was a tragedy. But once we land, it’s gonna turn into a miracle, right?” “Yeah, I like that” -- so once we land and settle after all of this craziness, a tragedy will turn into a miracle? I like that *looking at you Eddie*

EDDIE GET OUT OF THAT CHOPPER RN, DO NOT DO THIS TO ME AFTER SEASON 4, DO NOT!!!

Bobby going in to save the heart, hmm...

Oh, thank God - Eddie, Hen, and Bobby are all safe

Dr. Salazar - we need more of her. I love her so much.

4 Days later - hmm...

Wow, they’re really bringing Harry to the forefront here, this whole kidnapping thing is going to happen isn't it?

Harry charging neighbors and Michael and David in a sort of co-parent situation - first of all, Harry you are a GENIUS and love that Michael and David with Harry are being focused on in this episode, ahem, is there possibly a reason...?

Lou survived!!!! THANK GOD

Nearly 5 days Lou was in hospital

5 day head start for Hudson - is there something with 1, 3, 4 and now 5? I'm keeping track here, Tim

Buck is the power czar LOL - omg I love this man so much

Ravi!!! We need MORE Ravi!!! but where is Albert???

CHIMNEY!!!!! OMG I LOVE YOU - "Give me a charger or Uncle Buck will never see his niece again" - "Give him a charger" - "Well played" - "Let this be a lesson, never give that man a clipboard" - "Excuse me for being efficient" - "That’s one word for what you are" - okay #1 I will forever be in love with Chimney, probably one of my top favorite characters on this show & #2 LOVE this whole brothers interaction, Albert may not be there but Buck and Chim are still going with the whole older-brother-is-exasperated-with-the-younger-brother's-shit vibe

Oh God, here comes more cringe, yay... not so much

Eddie kisses Ana on the cheek AGAIN (Eddie, can you hear me? This is your subconscious speaking, when are you going to end this, my man?)

Ana says going to visit was Christopher’s idea since he missed Eddie and thought he was hungry - muy interesante

Buck rushing over to greet Christopher and hugging him tight is a moment I live for - outside of the whole Buck and Eddie story, I LOVE this relationship with all of my heart, I am so glad Christopher has Buck, he really is his second dad (with or without Eddie being involved)

Eddie not introducing Ana to Ravi (nor Buck saying hi) - Buck’s expression - “You must be Eddie’s wife” Christopher: “Not yet” I FUCKING LOVE THIS KID, OKAY!!!! Buck’s smile, he loves Christopher, too - love how Ana and Eddie don't say anything to dispel or clarify this

SAME FUCKING TRIGGER AND THIS TIME BUCK SEES IT!!!! OMG (Eddie, this is your subconscious again, you need to listen! The universe and I are trying to tell you something, please before any more shit hits the fan like me having to watch more uncomfortable interactions between you and your placeholder friend!)

Eddie sending Ana and Christopher on a tour with Ravi IN THE DARK at his work place so he can put SALADS AWAY

Buck’s expressions the entire time - Buck knows something's up

Ana’s expressions the entire time - she KNOWS

Thank God Bobby wasn’t around - hear me out, I have a reason for this that I am still working on in this long ass meta

Buck makes sure to not make eye contact with Ana (except quickly when Ravi is waiting to be introduced), even when Ana laughs at his “Constantly”

Eddie being a probie when Shannon came back in season 2 (and Eddie pulled her into the locker room to talk) & Ana being left to tour the station house with Ravi aka Probie - hello parallels & contrasts, my old friend

“I don’t want these things to wilt” - interesting choice of wording there, Eddie (newsflash, it's already wilting, Eddie)

I almost feel a little bad for Ana here because she did do something nice and she gets the brushoff and some discomfort/embarrassment in return (I mean the woman brought three salads in the middle of a blackout that she most likely made herself, come on - I'm sure some people think salads are easy to make but to those of us in the inexperienced/uninitiated cooks' club, it's not that simple)

Lila dead - hmm...are we surprised? (Hudson didn't give a fig about her and what's sad is Lou would have saved her)

“I think she was smitten like those other fools. I think she saw him being led away in cuffs and she intervened on his behalf” - interesting line there, Athena...

I need more scenes with Athena and Elaine - I know Elaine is the captain and Athena is on her own with no partner but I gotta say I am enjoying this

Athena! Why are you not warning the survivors!!! I mean I get it but still!!!

OMG “He takes Christopher all the time, he’s got the place memorized” - BUCK LISTENED TO EDDIE IN 3x03 - OMG!!!

Oh Buck my poor baby, he knows what they’re walking into - I LOVE Hen’s line of “Just smile, Buck” and then Eddie and Chim both smile wide at him - OMG I AM LIVING FOR THESE SCENES WITH THE 118

“Welcome to the Jungle” - nice touch 911

OMG Buck you are cracking me up - no animals are getting past him

1 hawk or eagle or raptor maybe? I’m not good with bird species okay!!!

3 emus again

1 bird I have no idea what kind (wondering if that’s what we saw the back of last episode near the emus)

Giraffe again

3 wolves

3 camels

Elephant

“The animal makes a move, control it” - YOU GOT THIS BUCK (yes we are finally getting that scene we saw filmed!!!)

Buck’s expression when the camel runs by is KILLING ME 'yeah, that's right Camel, back up, back up, you don't want any of this, yeah that's right'

Stuffed animals in the souvenir store, interesting

2 for $5 sign - even more interesting

1 alpaca

I guess I kind of wonder why Hen didn’t become a vet at one point in her life? Like I’m glad she’s a first responder and about to be a doctor but damn she knows so much about animals, she’s like the 118’s resident animal expert, that’s my girl

“We were gonna get one” - um...what? Hen...

“I wouldn’t” LOL oh Bobby you slay me

Is it just me or do we hear ET almost type music in the background as Hen lays chips down for the alpaca? Bobby mentioning the Reese’s Pieces, the flashlight shining on the Alpaca when it steps into view...are we getting an ET reference?

“It’s calling its friend!” *another Alpaca appears through coats “Clever girl” - a Jurassic Park reference - It’s a fucking Steven Spielberg reference, holy shit!!!!

Okay so that scene was Eddie looking over at Bobby, got it, near the fire trucks

Oh Buck I love you so much “So you ran from an Alpaca?” “Two Alpacas and no one was running” - both Buck’s and Eddie’s faces and then laughter are freaking hilarious

Chimney: “After careful consideration, I have decided not to endorse this park” - OMG I have not stopped laughing for like five minutes straight, can you imagine a Jurassic Park AU for this team? - shot of T-rex above Ripley’s Believe It Or Not (nice one, 911)

Weird looking bird that I've never seen before and 2 emus and 2 vulture, 1 hawk/raptor bird, 1 rhino

May is awesome!!! And so are those neighbors!!!!

Eddie in the tank top!!! Buck with a clipboard!!!

“Hey are you sleeping or just pretending?” Buck is taking no prisoners today

Buck is trying to make sure he’s not having any symptoms, omg, seriously how do you not love this guy???? Eddie you better make an honest man out of him soon, I'm not sure how much longer I can take this

“You don’t give up, do you?” Oh Eddie you did not just say that, to Buck of all people, come on man (hello season 3 Eddie, my old friend)

Get him, Buck! Get him!

“Since when do you panic?” “That’s what I said, I don’t panic” Buck once again out there proving that he knows Eddie better than anyone else

Oh wow!!! Eddie came right out and said it “If I’m being honest with myself I think it was Ana”

And there it is folks “She’s been a constant through all of this, staying with Christopher”

“Somehow we became a ready made family and I don’t know if I’m ready for that” - wow, this is an excellent scene, he’s totally letting that wall down to talk candidly with Buck, nice - and him being stripped down to a tank top for this scene just reiterates that fact, he's baring some things

“I think I’m gonna stick it out. Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon” - oh Eddie, you really need to shit or get off the pot my friend, this isn’t good for you, Christopher or Ana - how can you sentence all three of you to this? come on

“My kid loves her” but YOU DON'T - okay my heart is breaking, Eddie is making the same goddamn mistake all over again just like we predicted - Eddie please, what did Carla just say to you three episodes ago? Where the hell is Carla btw????

“Stick it out? That’s not the way you talk about someone you’re in love with” “That enough?” - thank you Buck, seriously THANK YOU

Okay my heart just broke again but for Buck this time “Eddie, I have been Ana” - aww =( I love my chaotic firefighter son with all of my heart

And of course Denial!Eddie aka repressed!Eddie are back, sigh - 5x03 has to be where it all comes to a head, it has to be, now even Buck is forcing him to face what he's trying so hard not to - word of advice Eddie, my repressed firefighter son, you can try to deny it mentally/emotionally all you want but it will come out one way or another, just like it's coming out in panic attack symptoms and anxiety - you have to end this, sweetie

And I think it’s very interesting that Eddie looks right at Buck during “If I’m being honest with myself” *looks away then right back at Buck* “I think it was Ana”, “staying with Christopher”, then right after “I don’t know if I’m ready for that”, “I think I’m gonna stick it out”, “Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon” “My kid loves her”

OMG Eddie’s expression when Buck says “I know what it’s like to be in love with someone who’s not all the way in and deep down you know it and it hurts. It hurts worse than the truth” — RYAN WHERE IS YOUR GODDAMN EMMY??? If anyone ever doubted that Eddie was in love with Buck, there’s the freaking proof written all over Eddie’s face at Buck’s line!!! It’s not something he thinks he can have and it hurts

Okay seriously, Eddie saying “Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with Shannon” — VERY PURPOSEFUL MENTION OF A WOMAN HE’S WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH, EDDIE PLEASE, CAN YOU HEAR ME!!!!

Then they go right to Chim calling Maddie, uh huh, I see you 911

I really love Hen’s full support of Maddie btw & I love how Chim is able to talk to Hen about it all

Oh no!!! Maddie please don’t fall asleep!!!

Oh thank God!!!! It’s going to be okay, Maddie, you got her, it’s going to be okay - I seriously want to give my girl a hug and tell her it's going to be okay

Omg Jee-Yun is so cute!!!

Day 4 or day 5 hmmm - I'm still keeping track, Tim

“Why is it every time the world ends, it ends some more?” “It just keeps us on our toes” “More like knocks us on our asses” - Universe is that you?

Awww Bobby just called Athena “baby” <3 I'm not crying, you're crying

YES more Athena and Elaine

Lou is awake!!!!

Awww Lou =( I may or may not be ugly crying rn

I cannot tell you how relieved I am that Lou is alive

Oh God!!!! Athena get the cops there now!!!!

Yeah you should have let Harry charge them Michael lol, of course they were there to just use the generator power (though I love and appreciate the contrast they gave us in the neighbors who helped the boy with the ventilator so we know not all people take advantage)

OH NO GET AWAY FROM HARRY YOU BASTARD!!!!

On a side note, it’s nice to see more Michael and David but at what cost, Tim? Can we please get more of them and especially David in a more lighthearted episode for crying out loud? Is that too much to ask???

Go Bobby!!!!

Good for you, Athena!!!

Omg this is practically Athena’s nightmare come to life, shit

Omg Hudson unplugged the goddamn generator, THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!

HARRY!!!!!!

I’M SORRY BUT ARE YOU TELLING ME THERE’S NO BOLO WITH A PICTURE ON THIS GUY?!!? - oh right, no power, but STILL

Okay that was super intense, I really hope Athena is the one to take Hudson down, just like Bobby said

I have a few more rewatches to do before breaking things down but damn, I think I need a drink after that one.

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Self-Sabotage

Fandom: Star Wars (Modern AU)

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Gender Neutral!Reader

Summary: After seeing Poe interact with an ex, you think that maybe you and he aren't meant to be.

Warning: mentions of insecurities, depression, anxiety

A/N: Zorii is in this but there aren’t any TROS spoilers pertaining her and Poe’s relationship. Also, I’m totally projecting on reader rn because I’m feeling mopey and sad and insecure. 

What’re the coincidences? What are the coincidences that at this holiday work party, Poe would run into his ex, Zorii, the woman he told you he almost proposed to? 

As you stand on the other side of the restaurant, nursing a glass of wine, you think that maybe you need something stronger. 

Zorii is...beautiful. You think she’s a goddess as opposed to you. You thought you were decent looking, but Zorii? She could probably be Aphrodite herself. 

When you see Poe smile wide and laugh at something the woman says, your heart falls to the pit of your stomach. They look good together...really good together. And not only that, she probably didn’t have as much baggage as you did. There’s been too many times where Poe has had to help you through an anxiety attack or taken care of you during your depressive episodes. 

Poe deserves to be with someone who’s beautiful and doesn’t have so many issues...

You gulp down the rest of your wine and head outside. You pull out your phone and set up an uber to pick you up. Poe was your ride and you didn’t want him to leave the event early. 

Your uber arrives within fifteen minutes. As soon as your driver heads back out into the streets is when you text Poe

You: not feeling well. left the party. don’t worry about me. 

As soon as the message sent, you placed your phone on your lap. Within seconds it starts ringing. You sigh and tap on accept, “Hello?”

“Babe, what’s going on?” One of the reasons why you fell for Poe was because he was so caring and always wanted to help others. But at this moment, you really wished he didn’t care so much. 

“I just wasn’t feeling well is all.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you hear the concern in his voice and it just makes you feel even more conflicted, “We could’ve left-”

“I didn’t want to cut your night short. I know it’s been a while since you’ve all been together and relaxed.”

“Y/N-”

“Really, Poe, it’s fine. I-I’ll talk to you later, okay?” you stutter and your voice cracks a bit because you’re trying hard not to cry. 

Poe sighs in defeat, “Alright, honey. You just tell me when you get home, okay?”

“Okay,” you breathe out and end the call. You let your tears fall freely then.

___________________

Poe doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand what happened. 

Ever since you abruptly left his holiday work party, his texts and phone calls have been left unread and unanswered. Did something happen to you? Did he do something wrong?

It isn’t until he checks in with your roommate, Rose, that you’re present and unharmed. But you’re “sad and mopey”, as stated by Rose, and she doesn’t know why because you won’t tell her anything other than, “just in a funk”. 

No matter how much he tries to get in touch with you, he’s left high and dry. So he finally takes it upon himself to head to your place, with Rose answering the door and letting him in. 

It’s your day off and, according to Rose, you haven’t left your room unless to get food or use the bathroom. 

With bated breath, Poe knocks on your door and calls out for you, “Y/N, honey, it’s me, you know, your boyfriend?” he presses his ear against the door and doesn’t hear any movement, but muffled dialogue from your tv, “Baby, can you tell me what’s wrong? Did I do something to hurt you because if I did, I’m sorry. I just-I’m worried about you, babe.”

He hears thudding on the other side of the door and he perks up a bit, hopeful that you’ll open the door to see him, but that’s not what happens. Instead the door remains closed and, despite the barrier, Poe hears very clear and distinct, “I want to break up.”

Poe’s chest suddenly feels heavy and he’s hoping he didn’t hear that right, “W-What?”

“I’m-I’m breaking up with you, Poe.”

He shakes his head in disbelief, “No,” he says sternly, “We’re not doing this. You’re not breaking up with me, especially if you can’t even look me in the eyes and say it.”

“Poe, please, don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

He steps closer, lips practically hovering over the door so you can hear him loud and clear, “I just-I don’t know what I did to-to hurt you or-or what, but whatever it is, Y/N, gimme a chance to at least try to fix it.”

“You can’t fi this, Poe. You can’t fix me.” he hears you whimper and he just knows you’re crying. All he wants to do is break down this door and hold you in his arms, to comfort you. 

“Baby, what’re you talking about?”

“I’m not enough and I’ll never be enough. You deserve someone who’s enough for you.”

“Y/N, you’re more than enough for me.” He’s trying to figure out where all this was coming from. He’s well aware that sometimes this happens with you, but usually not without a trigger. It had to have been at the work party because you two were fine before then. Then he remembers: Zorii. 

“Is this about Zorii?” when he doesn’t hear a reply, he knows he’s got his answer, “Y/N, whatever you saw that night, Zorii and I are-honestly, we’re not even friends. Things ended poorly between us and sure, we seemed fine at the party, but that was after we apologized to each other.”

“You almost married her, Poe. And you two have history, you guys seem to fit well-”

“Trust me, Y/N, we don’t. Not anymore. You know who I fit well with? You.”

“But I’ve got so many issues-”

“And that’s okay. I’m happy to be there and deal with them with you.”

“...but you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t have to deal with them.”

Poe leans against the door sighing and running a hand through his black curls, “Can you please open the door?” After two beats of silence, your door unlocks with a click and slowly opens to reveal you tear-stained cheeks and snotty nose, “Oh, baby,” he says and pulls you into his arms. 

As soon as his arms wrap around you, the dam breaks and you’re sobbing hard, “I’m sorry! I’m-I’m sorry I’m such a mess!”

Poe holds onto you tight as you continue to cry, “Ssshhh, honey. It’s okay. It’s okay. No matter what, I love you, okay? I love you so fucking much. I need you in my life, you hear me? You’re everything to me, Y/N. I love you.” those three words that have yet been said, repeated over and over again in whispers and in-between comforting words. 

“There’s a reason why Zorii and I aren’t together anymore. We didn’t work out and weren’t truly happy. With you, I feel the happiest I’ve ever been. So enough of the self-sabotaging and thinking I deserve better. You’re all that I want, Y/N, for as long as you’ll have me.” 

You and Poe continue to stay like that until you’ve calmed down. Poe knows that these thoughts won’t go away at an instant, but he’s willing to help and ease your worries whenever they appear. Because he’s so in love with you and will do anything to keep his everything.

[vaguely-gestures-to-the-void]

Hindsight: My thoughts on Loki (2021)

As always, thanks for being here my friends. There’s definitely more nuanced discussion of this show, but I’m here for the vibes. Anyways, here’s my thoughts on Episode 3 of Loki. Bear in mind I hadn’t watched episode 4 before I wrote the review for 3. No hate on anyone/thing, it’s all my opinion.

Episode 3: LAMENTIS

Pre-title scene

I rioted when I heard Hayley’s voice. It’s a win for all of us.

C-20! Sylvie!

C-20’s lil dance was adorable. I love her.

I want Sylvie’s tie dye.

Is that Ralph Bohner?

The same place, but at night. Coincidence? I think not.

Sylvie’s powers have limits. She can’t search someone’s mind and take information, she needs them to willingly tell her though she can use her powers to do that.

TVA

Sylvie’s experienced. Always tie your hair into a bun before a fight.

Her music is nothing like what we’ve heard previously. It’s the Sylvie show folks.

The mural on the left side of the hall is the one from the credits scene.

The plaque above the elevators says ‘FOR ALL TIME ALWAYS’.

Even in the mural on the right side, the Time Keepers aren’t equal, the middle one takes up the most space.

Ravonna!

I love how their movements are similar. The head-snap-hair-flip combo is nearly identical, reflecting how they are the same person to some extent.

2077 Lamentis - 1

“Get off my leg!” SiblingTM energy.

“Goodbye, variant.” She sure has the Loki drama.

I finally remembered it’s called a TemPad. Rip.

“Don’t ever call me that.”

“Tech savvy?”

That’s so Ragnarok.

I love the music as we pan up to the planet. It’s the familiar, anxiety-inducing ticking for me lads.

“You idiot! This is Lamentis - 1.”

“I don’t know what that means!”

My siblings when I can’t restart the router (every country has an AT&T).

I like that it’s a moon that’s inhabited. It’s nearly always the planet, still not great for the people on it.

That slide to get under the dump truck was so smooth.

“So we’re a team now?” Jesus Loki needs friends. Probably a good therapist too.

“Didn’t need your help!”

“You’re so weird!”

I like the way Tom runs. Don’t know why. Just do.

Sidenote, my favourite running form is Chris Evans’.

Sylvie’s magic flickered so I genuinely think the enchantment didn’t work.

“Well then I’ll cut it out.” I like the way she says that. I am questioning so many things rn.

“Just because I have to work with you doesn’t mean I wanna hear your voice.” It’s ironic since they spend so much time talking about themselves.

“Alright, well, slow down… Variant.” They really play off each other’s egos to find weaknesses.

“You don’t know what you want.” Sylvie’s more straightforward in everything she does. She efficiently points out Loki’s flaws but when it comes to a goal, she’s meticulous.

“...just walk away.” Loki stops walking, but Sylvie does walk away. There is distance between them (for now).

I’ve had experience with mining towns like this one and whilst they weren’t so out-of-this-world (ya know) there is a tendency for rural and isolated communities to struggle with old/not maintained infrastructure. This is not everywhere, but it’s not uncommon from what I know. Even though these towns are a source of wealth, there isn’t distribution of the money and it’s a grim reality that’s being shown. I appreciate it.

The shot of them walking past a slab of that planet towards the hut is incredible. Wow.

The person in there is just waiting for their death. I’m going to be addressing a lot of the harsh realities in this episode folks so it won’t be so cheerful.

I understand that people weren’t so happy with this being a filler episode, but I think they got it right. It’s strange that a literal planet-moon collision doesn’t bring the tension that the hurricane did in the last ep, but by having an atmosphere that wasn't so omnius, they conveyed (to me at least) that hope was already lost. In the Roxxcart Disaster, the people believed that it wasn’t going to be the end. There’s desperation on Lamentis - 1 but as Sylvie said, the collapse of society occurs. That’s a large group of people realising that class divides will cause slaughter. It’s greed portrayed in two different ways, one being the integration of excessive capitalism into society, the other being social structure based on oppression. Not everyone’s reading into Loki like this but it’s a change from how Marvel usually approaches conflict.

We learnt about the characters and whilst I’m not a fan of when a plot line is moot (my bet is that Loki and Sylvie will be rescued next ep, making all the attempts to get off Lamentis - 1 pointless), it’s necessary for the characters to develop. The way Loki and Sylvie end up on Lamentis - 1 makes sense and the plot doesn’t feel forced.

“It’s remarkable that you made it as far as you did.”

Devils is recurring in this episode. Maybe this has implications on future episodes?

“Which one was that, diplomacy?” Why are their interactions so funny?

I don’t think I need to comment on the significance of the train station scene.

I would like to acknowledge that though this is good writing that’s relevant in the time it was released, we shouldn’t forget it’s coming from large corporations who aren’t perfect.

How do they just walk past the line?

The people who snitched were right in front of them.

Did the cat get Loki’s silvertongue? That was the most graceless lying I’ve ever seen.

Sylvie not sitting with her back to a door makes sense, but why won’t Loki go backwards on a train? They both have little quirks.

“That’s not a plan. That’s just doing a thing.” Loki went to the Thor school of planning, it’s Get Help all over again.

Loki’s exaggerated nods at the other guards lol.

Sylvie growls whenever she’s mad, it’s hilarious.

The close ups of their faces when the conversation gets personal and isn’t just trading jabs is great for conveying the authenticity of their answers.

Loki not pressing Sylvie when she clearly didn’t want to talk about what happened to her mother is something I appreciated.

Here’s to Tom for having to do magic for more than 10 years now. He’s so serious, I can only imagine how funny it is without the effects.

“Well she did.” Yeesh, has Loki gotten time to grieve?

Sylvie is genuinely impressive.

“Pity the old woman chose to die.”

“She was in love.”

I don’t quite understand what they were talking about then, I guess we’ll find out later?

Loki, why are you so unnecessarily dramatic?

I laughed. Who am I kidding, they’re dorks and I love them.

Loki is trying to find out anything, anyone who could be used against Sylvie.

Here’s to the postman, they’re probably dead but we appreciate Sylvie’s happiness anyways.

“A bit of both. I suspect the same as you.” AND THAT’S HOW YOU WRITE IN REPRESENTATION FOLKS!

Let’s just take our scraps and be happy, eh? It made my week.

They both need real relationships of any kind, guys.

“Love is… uh, something I might have to have another drink to think about.” Me whenever anyone asks me about my love life.

“You do realise… ...a civilisation’s only hope?” I think this was Sylvie’s way of making sure Loki’s (albeit grey) morals and drinking habits don’t interrupt her plan.

The train sure gives me Snowpiercer vibes.

Do I have to talk about Drunk Loki?

Tom’s singing voice is lovely.

Sylvie’s eyes shift nervously to the door and then back to Loki. She’s initially tense but she relaxes slightly though she knows she’s gonna have to clean up the mess.

“Nobody cares. It’s the end of the world.” Again, Loki’s headspace is one where existence is futile.

The green walls contrast the purple lighting nicely.

You can see plants (?) from the outside if you look out the windows. Talk about attention to detail.

Bruh what is the dagger about? Drunk Loki’s a comedic genius.

The descending notes in the background of Loki’s fireworks.

Sylvie’s smile when she goes to attack is animalistic. I’d like to see her character explored more in terms of how she views violence.

YEET.

“You’re right. I’m a god.” Loki’s defense mechanism is to state that his motives are above the understanding of others.

“You’re a clown.” Sylvie tells it as it is.

Loki and Sylvie’s reactions to the TVA contrast the most here. Sylvie is potentially motivated by vengeance or a need for revenge whilst Loki has resigned to numbing the pain (for now at least) as he comes to terms with his reality. The question of what drives you is so important for these characters, I’m excited to see whether they’ll find a common ground and wreak havoc on the sacred timeline.

Loki and Sylvie both struggle with communicating in a healthy way. Sylvie calls him out on his directionlessness and Loki tells her what may be the harsh reality of her plan. Neither of them are willing to accept it, but there’s potential for a strong bond if they do.

Sylvie’s scream lmao.

I love the colour of Loki’s pants.

Problem? Solution! Do thing! Is Sylvie’s method of thinking when all is lost.

Gosh I love the shots in this episode.

“That’s a pretty good life.” Sylvie’s definitely not lived as a royal, or not from what she remembers.

“I just need to know if I can trust you.” Sylvie giving up how she enchants people is an olive branch because as useful as the things that Loki told her may have been for manipulation, they both know the importance of her upper hand. But she only relents once Loki doesn’t have the TemPad. Later, when she asks whether she can trust Loki, it’s more of a reassurance because he’s already been vulnerable around her.

The actor’s body language and facial expressions are incredible. Loki’s eyebrow’s furrow slightly when Sylvie mentions C-20’s mind but Tom takes a second for the information to be processed rather than instantly reacting to Sophia’s next line. She does the same when Loki talks about the TVA workers being created. What skilled people they are.

The city is a wonderful piece of set design.

“We do, and you can.” They step into the light, neither of them have tunnel vision and are able to see a bigger picture.

“They’re gonna let these people die.” This show explores a side of Loki we haven’t seen before, his morality and compassion. He has grey areas that could be explored in the next season. It also points back to how Sylvie and Loki differ in their view of others. I think this is partially because of their childhoods. Loki was raised as a prince and cared about his people, but Sylvie doesn’t share that perspective (“...they usually survive”), maybe because of her past. Hopefully in the upcoming episodes we’ll get a bit more of her backstory.

That sequence is beyond words. The constantly rotating and revolving camera really hammers home that it’s a disorienting fight for their lives at the end of the world. I’m speechless, just watch it.

The music in that blue-purple-pink club was banging tho.

Loki and Sylvie’s posture, facial expression and general body movement is similar. The variant point is hammered home here.

It’s interesting how Loki is in shock/denial of the Ark being destroyed whereas Sylvie immediately leaves.

The end music of this episode is beautiful. I love how it all builds to leave us on the soft tones of Dark Moon.

No one’s interested, but my mum and I bonded over the Jim Reeves version of this song and the Bonnie Guitar one.

Ep 3 review

Short episode with not much going on other than character development. However, if the first two were anything to go by, this episode will have greater implications on the plot. The pacing of this show is a bit strange, but we may see this change in the next season.

I mentioned previously that it would be a shame if the entire plot of this episode was made irrelevant by how they get off Lamentis - 1 next ep. This show has been really good at keeping us on our toes with the writing so they probably won’t take turns that have been speculated.

Happy mid-season guys! The following two episodes were apparently Tom’s favourites so we can expect some mayhem up ahead. See you next time!

Here's the link to my Ep 2 review

[sparkles-and-trash]

A wild story that actually happed to me regarding people assuming race and heritage to attack people online ~

tw; racism, mental health, hospital mention

so it starts with this nut (transphobe, fatphobe, kept making fun of their genderfluid friends behind their back, harassed so many people, including me, into serious mental harm) who’s already has it out for me

it’s been quiet a while, but then my friend and mutual shows me an ask they got, on anon but we know who it is right away, telling them I’m racist and that they’ve tried to tell so many people but nobody listens

my friend ignores, and it’s quiet for a while

then, a *fandom* confessions blog pops up, and it mainly just spews shit about fandom creators

suddenly someone in a server shows me one of the confessions posted across platforms are that I, with my url, am racist and horrible and nobody will listen

sounds familiar

I get pretty damn upset, and come on here to talk about it

my friends, mutuals and followers, even people who doesn’t know me, but see that there is no damn reason to go after me for that, come forward and is super kind and supportive and gets me through a long, bad night with PTSD and panic attacks

I end up doing something dumb and have to go to the hospital, but it’s okay, it’s not that serious and I’m not saying anything about it publically

but, people are still trying to get the «confession blog» to take down the confession about me, saying it’s a lie

their only response is that they blog owners are POC so everyone can fuck off

I realize I should maybe make it clear that I am also a POC, or a mixed person, my mom is indigenous and my dad is white

but I have dark eyes and used to have pretty dark skin and wild corkscrew curls from my mom, and living in Norway I for bullied real bad for this when I was young

they come on anon to me, and start saying I’m «looking real ass pasty and cracked»

so, I end up talking about having a serious autoimmune disorder, and that one of the effects are pigment damage, and shows pictures of younger me before I got ill to prove it, which sucks because I wasn’t ready to share that information, but felt like I had to

they keep going, saying that I’m just dark for a white and my mom is probably «crusty white»

I am so fucking tired and sad at this point, and I talk to my mom, and she’s like «post a fucking picture of me then, rn, with you, because I’m sure as hell not white»

so, being the saint she is, she let’s me share a picture of her from that day, and also as a kid, as «proof»

people are still being supportive and kind btw, but this «confession» is still up on Instagram etc where I wasn’t at that time, and that gives me major anxiety and stress

they end up just fucking deleting all evidence on their blog, and when people won’t let it go, they shut down the blog

skip a few months ahead, the person I mentioned at the beggining fucks up and their friends and followers finds out how much aweful shit they’ve been saying in «private»

one of said friends is a mutual of mine, and we end up talking

surprise, they (the other person, not my mutual) were one of the people running that blog

and sent in the fucking confession themselves

so yeah, that was a fun ride for me, and a major reason I get super uncomfortable and stressed when I see discourse and people being attacked without anyone knowing anything about their heritage on here, and I lowkey can’t believe I’m still on this hellsite haha :-)

[bruinhilda]

On Turkey Day, and MST3K

I have...complicated...feelings about Thanksgiving.  I won’t bore you with a screed.  The holiday is fine, at least in theory.  It’s just I’ve never experienced a good one myself.

But there’s a more recent tradition to the holiday that has brought me nothing but comfort.  It is, of all things, the Mystery Science Theater 3000 Turkey Day Marathon.

So on this day, I thought I’d share the story of how MST3K actually saved my life.

(Trigger warnings for death, mental health, suicide, and things of that nature.  Don’t feel you have to unscroll if you aren’t in a sound enough mental place to do so.  Believe me, I know how it is.)

In 1995, my mother died.  It was very sudden.  She went to work, had coffee with a coworker, and then dropped.  The coworker was an RN, she was ten minutes away from the best hospital in the state.  And there was nothing they could do to save her.

My own life was pretty much obliterated in that moment.  My mother was the parent who actually parented.  The one who took any real interest in my interests.  The one I could rely on to try to help me, even if the help was ineffectual sometimes.  And just like that, the best member of the family was gone.

I kept going, of course.  I kept my job, kept slogging forward.  Tried to emotionally support a father who never learned to give back, instead of just take.  I struggled through a mental breakdown and failing the medical (and mental) hoops needed to medicate it.  My bad habit of staying up too late turned into insomnia (which I still have a major problem with.)  My soul was dead, and the only thing delaying the body following was a lifelong phobia of death and dying going full blown into panic attacks and constant anxiety about dying myself. 

This was how I learned that you could both be terrified of dying, doing everything you think will help you avoid it, and yet want to stop existing at the exact same time.  Eventually, one impulse was going to override the other in my brain, and I wasn’t even sure which one I wanted it to be anymore.

So in that mental maelstrom, unable to sleep, or get up the energy to do much of anything, I ended up channel surfing.  Even this could be a minefield, though.  Running across a show or movie my mother loved could be a stab in the heart.  Crime shows or anything else that featured death could trigger a panic attack.  Happy shows with normal people not suffering like I was?  Well, that was just insulting.

I probably ended up on Comedy Central because that seemed like the safest option for my mood.  Up next, oh, it’s that puppet show that kind of looked interesting, but Mom didn’t like because they talked over the movies.  That was always our job, making snarky comments if the movie was silly or bad.

I left it on because I needed SOMETHING.  And while she hadn’t liked it, it kind of reminded me of being with her, snarking on a ridiculous thing we’d rented that week.

I don’t know that I got all the way through the movie segment.  I think it was the Viking Women one, a bland hour of nothing that numbed the brain, even with the jokes.  But there was a short at the beginning, a Home Economics thing.  And watching that, I felt...happy.  Ish.

And then I kind of got sucker-punched into actual laughter.  There’s a bit in the short, showing a cheerleading couple do their thing.  And the guys sing, “Look at my crotch, look at my crotch, yayyyyy, crotch!” in time with it.  Rewatching it today, it’s not nearly as funny as in my memory.  But at the time...it was a ray of ridiculous cheer.  It was probably the first actual laugh I’d produced in at least two years.

So I started looking for the show.  And oh, how lucky, lucky, LUCKY I was in that one portion of time.  It was summer, and Comedy Central was doing a top episode countdown that month.  Every single weeknight was a new Mystery Science Theater 3000.  And I needed every single one.  It became my thing.  I started recording it so I could have it when it wasn’t on the air.  Catching the new episode on weekends also became a big deal.  In later years, when it came on at 6am my time (thanks ever so much, SciFi channel), I would drag myself out of bed just so I could watch it live. 

And I was starting to get better.  Yes, there were other factors at play in my life, things that probably helped.  It may be that I would have gotten better regardless.  It could be that it could have been anything that made me laugh that pulled me out of my mental lock and given me comfort.

But it was MST3K.  It was Joel, Mike, the Bots and the Mads that were there for me, making me laugh when I’d forgotten how to.  It was the comfort of feeling like I was watching movies with someone, instead of all alone.  And they are still there, helping me today.  I own every Rifftrax Short, and many of the movies.  I have the four Film Crew DVDs.  I have some MST3K DVDs, I have some of the legal downloads, and I have a host of YouTube downloads of things I couldn’t get the other ways.  And some are duplicates, but I watch the YouTube because they are VHS recordings made during that very same summer countdown.  Seeing that pre-show title card touches my soul, and tells me, “you weren’t totally alone back then.”  Because someone else was watching, and cared enough to record it, and cared enough to put it online.

I can’t always watch the Turkey Day livestream.  I know I won’t be able to this year, because of things I have to do tomorrow.  (Continuing the family tradition of our Thanksgivings being kinda shitty.)  But I’m very glad it’s a thing, and continues to be a thing.  And later on, I will pull up my own MST3K copies, and watch.

There’s really no better way for me to celebrate the fact that I’m still alive, in spite of it all.  Keep circulating the tapes!

[theguardiansofredland]

Midnight ramblings (Venting I guess idk)

It’s midnight. 1 am actually. It’s smoky and my sinuses hurt. And I’m crying. Idk if it’s bad or not, I guess I’m just being nostalgic. And you can call it fuckin stupid all you want, but I’m crying because of animal crossing songs. Specifically Stale Cupcakes and Animal City. Stale Cupcakes is a song I discovered in New Leaf. It’s a soft, sad song. Played on a music box. It makes me think of my memories with new leaf and just happier times in general. Rainy days and playing little big planet and roasting marshmallows on our stove with my siblings, before they both moved away. Drawing next to my mom and half listening to whatever show she was obsessed with this time. Stale Cupcakes is almost childlike in sound if that’s even possible. But I remember playing New Leaf every day. It was a birthday present from my brother. And Animal City, which is the city theme in Animal Crossing: City Folk. And that takes me back even further. Elementary school. Again to rainy days and going to the bookstore with my godfather after school and getting Jamba Juice in the way back. Watching my brother try so hard to get the golden axe in city folk. Watching him play a lot of games on our Wii. Spending time with my cousin and spending hours at his house playing pretend or with his toys and then watching cartoons before falling asleep in his living room. To when I thought my friends in school actually liked me. Watching team crafted and epic jump maps and drawing my first art pieces.

I miss those days. I miss a lot of things and it just reminds me how everything leaves eventually. My mom, siblings, pets, friends, family, youtubers. It all drifts away. I guess that’s why I bury myself in happy sort of games like Minecraft and Nintendo games like animal crossing. They don’t hit me with tragedy after tragedy after toxic person after hurt. It lets me make my own world. Where the people don’t leave. Where everything is magical and I can just sit and be happy for once. Where people like what I do, what I create. Where I’m alone but I don’t feel like it. But even then the time passes and I need to sleep, or my game system runs out of charge. And I have to turn off my happy place and just go back to reality. Where everything fucking sucks. Sure there are some good things. My friends, my gf, my dad, my kitties. But I still just want there to be a time where I can look back and know I felt happy. And exist in a time where I actively feel genuinely happy. That childlike wonder and happiness. But I’m stuck here being sad and growing up. I don’t want to grow up. I wanna stay in the time of Chowder, Pokémon and Animal crossing. Where my biggest worry was not having enough poke balls to catch this tympole, and not which one of my friends is gonna hate me, or which family member will die this year. I’m not ready. But time doesn’t work that way.

I wanna live in animal crossing. Where the people there actually like me, and I can just relax for once. My sister who’s studying to be a massage therapist says the muscles in my neck and shoulders are extremely tight. Idk if it’s because of stress or anxiety. And I remember plucking a gray hair in science class. But rn even the thought school makes me wanna poof out of existence. But I don’t have to worry about that rn. I miss having motivation for things. Wanting to finish a game, draw things and actually improve. But instead I’m sleeping most of the day cause I’m tired all the time. I’m sad and just numb all the time

Idk even know what I’m rambling about. Animal crossing makes me cry and I wanna hug my cats and sleep for a good while. And I know “get a therapist” I’m working on it. I gotta talk with my dad about emailing one. Please don’t tell me another thing I’m failing at. I’m trying my best to take care of myself. I’m trying so hard. And I’m sorry. Getting a therapist is hard. I’m working on it but everyone says I should stop procrastinating when I’m not. My own fucking psychiatrist yelled at me for forgetting to schedule an appointment. I hate talking to her. And to that one friend reading this (and also you too sweetheart), yes you. Stop, breathe. You’re a great friend and you’re not being a horrible evil person by telling me I need a therapist. You care. And that isn’t something to yell at yourself for. It’s something to be applauded. And I’m just too much of a mess to work up enough courage to ask you to tone it down, and that’s a me thing I need to work on. Cause what you’re telling me is true and needs to be heard, and isn’t bad really. It’s not like it’s an insult or a trigger. So I feel like I shouldn’t have it toned down. Why tone down something helpful.

Sorry for rambling and wasting time you’re never gonna get back. I’m sorry for probably causing some anxiety spikes or attacks. I just made things worse again. I’m going to bed for the night. Or morning. Whatever. Hopefully I’ll dream of animal crossing and kitties. Fun things. And hopefully I’ll get some motivation to actually provide content and good things rather than be an over sharing person on the internet who shouldn’t even be doing or making this post and wearing my heart, on not on my sleeve, but my face. But I guess I’m begging for attention. Or trouble. Goodnight everyone. I’ll try to draw something tomorrow.

[stcrr]

elle fanning. cis female. she/her.  ／  lorelei “lorrie” gunther just pulled up blasting which witch by florence + the machine  — that song is so them ! you know, for a twenty-three year old musician, i’ve heard they’re really -reclusive, but that they make up for it by being so +observant. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say chipped glitter nail polish, a silver gilt mirror, losing yourself in the beat of the music. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble ! ( ally, 22, est, she/her )

me: i don’t have a type when it comes to muses! also me: unveils this new muse that is also introverted and anxious but this time with more glitter. anyways, meet lorelei, starr to her fans, and lorrie to her friends, an observant girl, gifted mimic, misfit, mirror, and musician. kind of a jem and the holograms/hannah montana/perfect blue hybrid. details under the cut, like for me to hyu to plot !! 

(also her pinterest im really proud of it you guys)

statistics.

full name. lorelei amelia gunther. nicknames. lorrie. aliases. starr. occupation. singer-songwriter. age. twenty-three. date of birth. february 1st, 1997.  nationality. american. ethnicity. white (austrian and irish).  gender | orientation. cis female | queer. hometown. boston, ma. zodiac sign. aquarius sun, scorpio moon, pisces rising career/voice claim. lorde.

height. 5′9 weight. 120lbs build. willowy.  distinguishing features. wide eyes, full lips, constant bags, probably has glitter in her hair.  health. 7/10; has no major illnesses but eats like shit, has a whack sleep schedule, is a dysfunctional adult basically. she’s also big depressed but you know how it be. 

positive traits. ambitious, intuitive, observant, imaginative, independent,  neutral traits. talkative, intense, impressionable,  negative traits. anxious, avoidant, moody, secretive, resentful, aloof, 

likes. the nighttime, storms, baggy clothes, mountains, weed, lsd, books, blanket forts, lying on the floor, singing, cryptids, cemeteries,  dislikes. being herself, deadlines, dolls/puppets, the paparazzi, social media, planning ahead, the outdoors, conflict, the beach, 

history. 

(tw suicide mention, anxiety attack) (tldr at the bottom)

her mother called her lorelei after the sirens of the rhine; she insisted her first cries were the sweetest song. and lorelei continued to have a beautiful voice; she sang more than she spoke. but only at home. 

she never responded to lorelei, though, not really; it felt too grand for her. she was a chicken-legged girl who liked overalls and goosebumps books. she was just lorrie.

she grew up in a lower-middle class region of boston, ma. her father was a salesman, and her mother was a travel agent. 

for a while, at school, she didn’t speak at all. she was diagnosed with selective mutism at age five, and it took until she was thirteen to overcome it completely. 

this was not at all helped by the fact that her parents had a nasty divorce when she was seven years old. her father used her mother’s ten-year-old suicide attempt against her in court to prove she wasn’t stable, and gained full custody of lorelei and her two older brothers. her oldest brother, matthias, sided with their father, but the middle brother, jeremias, sided with their mom, and tried to run away to his mother’s house basically every month. he ran away for good when he was fifteen, living with his girlfriend’s family. 

what helped her overcome this selective mutism, at least at first, was her middle school drama class. at home, lorelei had always been an excellent mimic. she did her favorite impressions for her drama teacher, and she encouraged her to try some monologues and scenes. as she got better at acting, she realized that she didn’t have to be herself; she could be somebody else. and that made talking all the easier. 

by high school, she was no longer selectively mute, but was still anxious and shy. she was, however, a total drama kid, and still loved to act. she could be outrageous, incredible on stage; she wasn’t being herself, after all, so if people were judging her, it was the character they were judging, not her. 

still she was def the kind of girl who had a mental breakdown every four months and dyed/cut her hair/gave herself bangs. she could never quite shake the feeling that she was an outsider looking in, separated, different. 

she still loved music, and as she grew older, she started to write songs. it was her secret dream to be a musician. one of her theater friends talked her into singing one of them when she was sixteen, and then encouraged her to try out for the talent show. she was able to get through the audition, though she was a little nervous, but she knew it would be fine. she was on stage all the time, this would be fine. 

but this time, she had to be herself in front of the entire school, and she froze up, not a sound leaving her lips. she doesn’t remember leaving the stage; only remembers that suddenly, she was in the girls bathroom, sobbing her eyes out. 

her friends comforted her that night, partying in their basement like they always did, but thats when lorrie had an idea. what if she didn’t perform as herself? 

that’s when a starr was born. 

as lorelei dressed herself up in all the holo and glitter she had, she created starr in her head; she was born beloved, charismatic, fearless, this glitz and glamor girl who had it all, but what now? even at the top, she found emptiness. she was a beautiful supernova, so breathtaking you forgot she was really a collapsing star. 

starr was lorrie’s ultimate muse; she wrote song after song for her in the next few months, until, finally, she asked some of her friends to help her record a music video. she didn’t expect this music video to get 60 million views in a matter of weeks. 

royals, of course, blew the fuck up, and she had people calling her house to get her to sign with this record company or that record company, and her eventual producer flew her out to la with her dad. and, of course, the rest is history. (her dad also blew a lot of the money she earned as a minor but she got rid of him and that’s neither here nor there.) 

however, as she got more and more into the la lifestyle, she began to rely more and more on starr as an alter ego. people liked starr, after all, and lorrie didn’t even like herself. she played the part of the dignified, wise, and eccentric former queen during interviews, when recording, at after parties and award shows. 

even her first major relationship she got while acting like starr, someone fearless and fun, basically a manic pixie dream girl. if you’ve ever listened to the album melodrama, then you know how badly that ended. 

that’s around when she realized that starr had taken over her entire life. coming home from a house party absolutely zonked, she looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize herself, didn’t see that nerdy, overall-clad chicken-legged girl from her family pictures. 

she stripped her clothes off, scraped the makeup off her face until her skin was red and dry, dragged a brush through her hair to get rid of all the product, and pulled on a hoodie and leggings she had brought with her to la a year ago. she wrote the first draft of all the songs in melodrama in the coming hours. 

however, she still wrote from starr’s perspective, knew she’d perform it as starr. it may be far more personal, but lorrie wasn’t ready to come out just yet. in fact, she’s kind of been hiding the last year or so, a full-on depression mess. 

tl;dr lower middle class nerdy girl from boston overcomes crippling social anxiety through acting, finesses this into an alter ego to be a musician, hits it big, loses herself in the alter ego, has a disastrous relationship, and tries to become herself again. 

present.

first of all, her real name is Known to the public, but not her “brand” outside of starr. it’s proven to be a boon as of late; she’s known for basically being a walking sailor moon cosplayer, not a skinny woman in baggy jeans and a big black hoodie.

since she’s trying to work on herself, she’s kind of in a creative slump. like, she still has more than enough royalties off her music to keep her going, but her agent and producer are both pushing her to clean up some of her songs and record them for a new album. she can still write as starr, but it feels... different, now. melodrama was far more personal than pure heroine, and she wants to continue to grow; writing as starr feels like reverting back to her sixteen year old self. but she’s too scared to write as herself So....

at events though she’s still in the gauze and stars people expect from starr. 

trying to reach out to her mom and brother jer again. not her dad, fuck her dad. 

loves true crime, the supernatural, and conspiracy thought. is probably watching a true crime doc rn. 

she’s just starting to leave her house for the first time in like... a year? like she’s only started to get out again in the last few months.

as for drugs, she def drinks, but she’s more likely to smoke weed. also, she’s a big fan of lsd, but holds herself off to only tripping every few months.

is considering moving to the woods and being the lonely crone everyone whispers about. or maybe switching to voice acting. 

she fuckin hates dolls. literally her worst nightmare is being trapped in some collectors’ doll rooms.  

wanted connections. 

melodrama ex (0/1) - the ex she wrote her breakup album about. can be any gender. i literally want this connection so bad kfdskjkadsfds

best friend (0/1) - someone who was with her throughout her... Transformation

squad (0/3) - bc who doesn't love a squad. this is the vibe i’m going for (sound warning)

icon (1/1) - someone lorrie looks up to and like... majorly doesn't wanna disappoint. - filled by kami!!!

musician buddies (0/?) - they bounce lyrics off of each other, you know how it is.

rival pop star (0/1) - idk i just think it would be Neat. maybe even with a plot that they had a major falling out and now they have to pretend to get along.

hookups (0/?) - or other messy shit

texting crush (0/1) - really weird concept but like... i imagine lorrie would have the number or snap or insta or whatever of this muse and they get talking after melodrama and she just... lays it all out. they don't really talk in person, but she feels really close to them and definitely develops a crush

weed buddy (0/1) - they come to her house and smoke and complain its great

friend turned enemy (0/1) - maybe someone who adored starr but doesn't like who she is now?????? idk idk

enemy turned friend (0/1) - maybe someone who thought starr was fake af but then meets lorrie being Herself and is just like "oh you're a Human" idk idk

bonus.

as a thank you for making it to the end of this fucking enormous intro, please take a moment to enjoy these tik toks reflective of lorrie’s personality (they’re also???? great on their own) 

lorrie talking/singing to herself alone in her house 

honestly she has tinkerbell vibes

drunk mouths speak sober thoughts

and thats on mental illness

[sunlightdances]

ONE SHOTS:

SPN Angst Bingo ‘18 Masterlist Dean Headcanons/Bullet point Fics

Newest on top; updated 2/2/2021

Untitled (literally couldn’t think of a title for this lol): PG-13 for swearing She came out of nowhere, knocked him on his ass, and then asked him to apologize. How hard did he hit his head?

Body Language: PG-13 Low blood sugar sucks. Dean’s POV.

Everybody Knows I’m Torn Apart: PG-13 You manage to call Dean a few miles away from the bunker. Despite your injuries, you tell him the basics: you lost too much blood, you need a ride, you’re pretty sure you’re going to pass out soon. His gruff voice over the phone is the last thing you hear before you physically can’t keep your eyes open anymore.

Two Hearts on Fire: PG-13 3 times Dean is there for you and one time you’re able to return the favor.

Stay a Little Longer: PG You let yourself be vulnerable and Dean does too.

You’re an Ocean: PG The never ending push and pull between you and Dean finally comes to an end.

Take My Hand (When You Can’t See the Light): PG-13 (a few swears) Dean plays the knight in shining armor when you meet him by chance. Turns out you’ll meet him several more times. Everything happens for a reason, right?

Winter Air: PG Contrary to popular belief, Dean is a big softy who loves winter.

Slow Days: PG Dean meets you on a slow, lazy day in Lebanon at Christmas.

Come Home: PG Dean comes to your door in the middle of the night. it’s a good thing, too, because you’re gearing up for a fight.

Don’t Go Changing: PG-13 It was never supposed to end up like this. You find out the truth about Dean Winchester.

Dog Days: PG-13 (for violence) Dean rescues a dog and ends up being the one rescued.

Helping Hand: PG After recovering from an injury, you’re having a hard time getting back into fighting form. Dean helps you through it.

Sun Warmed: PG He sits on the edge of the table, watching you as you flit about the room, grabbing a mug, some coffee creamer, and sugar. You wait for him to make a comment about how sweet you like your coffee, but it never comes. Another sign that he’s not entirely himself today.

Untitled drabble: PG Someone is carrying you. Your head jostles until it finds purchase against a broad shoulder, and in your daze you can make out a conversation - though you’re not able to make sense of anything being said.Someone is urging you to open your eyes, You want to do what they ask, you want to ask questions, but you’re so tired.

I’ll Be Your Lifeline Tonight: PG Dean shoulders his own burdens. He always has. And truth be told, it comforted you to think he had it under control. Dean’s always been the one with the plan, the one who knew what to do next. Now that he doesn’t… you can’t lie, it freaks you out. But you have to help him right now. If the tables were turned, he’d do the same for you.

Untitled: PG You stop mid-sentence as you come around the corner into the rec room, seeing him fast asleep on the sofa. There’s a magazine on his lap and a few other books strewn around him, and while this isn’t really that out of the ordinary for him, it’s the glasses tucked into his collar that draw your attention.

It Echoes a Spark: PG-13 “I was on my way home. Traveling. Saw I was driving through town and thought… well, it’s almost our anniversary.” He winks, and it’s amazing how you’re not a puddle of goo right there on the floor.

Wrapped Up in Your Love: Rated PG @sixtysevenandwhiskey asked for: “i did that annoying thing where i put loads of smaller boxes inside one big box and you’re getting really mad but you don’t know that the ring is in the smallest box and i can’t wait to see your face”

Snow & Scarves: Rated PG @lipstickandwhiskey said “I gotta see you do “PULLING YOU IN FOR A KISS WITH A SCARF” because SWOON” and I mean, same, tbh.

Stay Here Til Sunrise: Rated T “You’re making a mental checklist of everything you need to do when you finally stop somewhere - the first thing being calling Sam to let him know his brother got his arm broken trying to be a goddamn hero again, followed closely by getting to a bathroom where Dean can’t see you as you try to calm the fuck down.”

Bruised Hearts: Rated T She sort of, kind of, probably hates him. He tells himself it’s for the best.  

Just Let Me Try: Rated T You get in a car accident not far from Dean’s shop and go to him for help. Mechanic!AU. Dean’s POV.

On Your Mark, Get Set, Bake: PG Dean discovers your guilty pleasure TV show.

I Remember Loving You: PG-13 When you think you’re in trouble, you go to Sam and Dean for help, despite the fact that you and Dean haven’t spoken or seen each other face to face in months.

Bright Lights Won’t Leave Me Alone: PG-13 Prompt: “We got involved in a fight at a bar and had to share the night in the same jail cell”

If It Keeps You By My Side: PG-13 The reader reveals something to Dean that turns his world upside down. Written for Annie’s 300 Follower Grand Budapest Motel Challenge!

One More Hour: PG Dean’s tired and can’t hide it from you no matter how hard he tries.

Danger Always Was a Friend of Mine: PG-13 You get stuck driving through a huge storm on your way to the bunker. Dean reacts in a way you don’t expect.

Run, Run, Run Away: PG-13 Dean calls you to go on a hunt he’d otherwise have to take solo. It takes quite a turn.

Lost Hope, Can’t Cope: PG-13 Dean helps you when your anxiety, stress, and everything else jumbled up in your head becomes too much. Alternates between the reader and Dean’s POV.

One Way to Shut You Up: PG A good, old-fashioned post-hunt celebration gives you the courage you finally need.

Now Close Your Eyes: PG You have a hard time letting other people take care of you.

Something About You, I Just Can’t Fight: Rated M You’re pretty sure Dean’s figured out your big, stupid crush on him, and you’re sure it’s only a matter of time before you spontaneously combust.

Loving Everything You Do: Rated T The washer broke. It’s not your fault that the only thing near you at the time was some of Dean’s clothes, okay.

Heavy Heart and a Heavy Mind: Rated T A badly-timed wish on your part and a curse from a witch has you and Dean reconsidering the nature of your relationship. Written for SPN Angst Bingo.

Let the Lonely In: Rated T After a bad day and a sleepless night, the reader and her insecurities are her own worst enemy.

Someone Throw a Lifeline: Rated T While wrapping up a case, Sam and Dean get a weird phone call that has Dean assuming the worst.

Everything You Are:  PG Dean’s POV.  Dean discovers the pretty librarian he met on a case is a little more “in the know” than he realized.

You’ve Had Me All Along: Rated M You’re so pissed that you’re even in this situation, your hands are shaking from adrenaline and anger. Huffing to yourself, you grab your phone out of your back pocket and dial one of two numbers you know by heart.

More Heart and Less Attack: Rated T The reader shows up at the bunker after being attacked, hurt and on the verge of a panic attack.

One More Time Before I Fall: Rated T This weird tension between you and Dean had to come to a head sometime, and what better time than when you’re trapped in the Impala with him for a long trip?

Untitled drabble: Rated T Dean has to bail you out of jail during a hunt, and isn’t happy about it when he sees you again.

Untitled drabble: Rated T One ghost down, five to go. You’re on your way to rescue the Winchesters.

Untitled oneshot: Rated PG Prompt: “I have been driving for the last 5 hours and all I want is some god damn beef jerky, so GET YOUR HAND OFF THE LAST PACKAGE ON THE SHELF YOU MAY BE HANDSOME STRANGER, BUT NO ONE IS STANDING IN BETWEEN ME AND THAT SALTY SNACK”

Breaks Your Heart Like Lovers Do: Rated PG Anon asked for a angsty fic based on “Happier” by Ed Sheeran. Don’t worry - there’s a happy ending!

Untitled Angst Day drabble: Rated T You’ve been hiding your feelings towards Dean for months, and when you guys have the biggest fight you can ever remember having, you reach a breaking point.

Seeing Eye to Eye and Heart to Heart: Rated T You get hurt on a hunt, and afterwards, Dean starts acting real weird.

Can’t Get You Close Enough: Rated M Dean tears into you after a hunt goes bad, causing you to have a panic attack. He makes a confession to your after, about why seeing you hurt makes him react that way.

I’ll Be Back, Give It Time: Rated M While you’re struggling with your feelings for Dean, you have your first fight.

Untitled drabble: Rated PG. You and Dean have this thing going on. You tease him, he teases you. You don’t expect it to lead to hurt feelings until it does.

Glasses: Rated M. Dean wears those glasses. You have feels.

Lately: Rated M (Dean POV, third person) Dean reflects on his feelings for the reader.

Now And Then I Get A Little Lost: Rated M (mild smut) Established relationship with Dean x Reader. The two of you run into Cassie on a hunt, and seeing Dean’s ex brings up some insecurities.

Got The Flu: Rated M Dean takes care of you when you’re sick, and confessions come in dramatic fashion. You know the drill.

Enough For Now: Rated M (mild smut, language) You haven’t seen Dean in over a year, and the scruff he’s sporting now is doing things to you.

Valentine’s Day oneshot: Rated M. Pure smut. Dean wears that coat. You know the one.

Don’t You Forget About Me: Rated M. Post 12x11. You help Sam figure out how to get rid of Dean’s curse. He doesn’t remember you, but he remembers something.

Untitled oneshot: Rated M (barely any smut, rated for language + dirty talk) The gang have a hunt at the zoo. What could go wrong?

Best Friends?: Rated M Prompt: “We’re best friends and I’ve been in love with you forever and I’m 30000% sure you only see me as a friend, except why is there all this tension rn?

Family Ties: Rated M (mild smut) You didn’t know your stepmom was a witch, okay. It’s not your fault you’ve got a coven on your tail. It’s also not your fault that Dean Winchester hates witches so much.

Untitled drabble: Rated M. Prompt was “comfort” - Dean comforts the reader after a hunt goes wrong and causes her to have nightmares.

Sooner Or Later: Rated M. Prompt was “touch”. Tension relief.

It’s So Clear Now: Rated M. You run into the Winchesters after a few months hunting alone, and when you get hurt, Dean takes care of you. This is a long one - 5K.

You Look Good in My Shirt: Rated M. You borrow Dean’s sweater and it causes him to finally make a move.

You’re A Sight For Sore Eyes: Rated PG. Based on a prompt. Dean helps you sleep when you’re dealing with some anxiety.

The More I’m Gone, The More Things Change: Rated T. You go with the Winchesters to LA to hopefully help them ice Lucifer.

They Call It The Season Of Giving (I’m Here, Yours For The Taking): Rated PG You get a little emotional exchanging Christmas gifts with Dean.

It’s The Same For Me: Rated T. You mess up on a hunt and Dean calls you out for it. Resentful of being treated like a kid, you lash out.

Missing You: Rated T. You and Dean are alone in the bunker for a night when you surprise him with a visit. He’s missed you.

Untitled drabble: Rated T. Dean is so protective of you, it makes you crazy. You fight, and then make out.

Don’t Look Back: Rated T, sequel to “Ain’t Afraid Of No Ghosts”. Dean shows up unannounced to make sure you’re safe as he and Sam investigate some demon signs near your home.

Rescue Drabble: Rated T Sam and Dean rescue you after a close call while hunting, and afterwards, Dean’s guilt leads to a confession.  

Happy To See Me?: Rated M (light smut in this one). Imagine seeing Dean for the first time in months, and him not being able to hide how happy he is to see you.

Ain’t Afraid Of No Ghosts: Rated M.  You’re not happy when the Winchester brothers show up to steal your hunt, no matter how cute you think the older one is.

PROMPT FICS:

Dean + “dance with me” / “I’ve always loved you”

Dean + “Can you walk?”

Platonic Dean + Lisa being jealous

Dean + “I’d sooner die than deny my feelings for you”

Dean + “You look terrible”

Dean + “No, wait, please. Can’t we talk?”

Dean + “I belong with you”

Dean + chocolate

Dean + fear

Dean + nicknames

Dean + morning routine

Dean + playing with hair

Dean+ fireplace

[sotheywrotestories]

Too Bad

Request:

Could you maybe do a Draco x slytherin reader? Maybe the reader and him have a lot of drama and really dont get along until the reader has an anxiety attack and runs out of the room crying or something and Draco actually helps her calm down and then they get closer? I suck at requesting sorry 😅

@rachelscosplay

Pairings: Draco Malfoy x Reader

Warnings: Anxiety attack

I don’t hate Draco Malfoy. I don’t. We just don’t get along. 

Being two Slytherins with great ambition, there was a bit of competition. It wasn’t always malicious. 

Up until recently. 

School had gotten harder and harder until I just couldn’t handle it anymore. Something Draco would never understand when someone finally met their breaking point. 

“Hey, (L/N), how’s that paper going? I heard you haven’t even started it yet,” Draco sneered. “Do you need help, perhaps?”

Though the offer seemed generous I could tell he was only being rude about it. He didn’t really care. 

“Buzz off, Malfoy,” I shot back. 

“Or what? What’re you going to do about it?” Draco laughed.

And that was it. I couldn't take it anymore. Between Draco’s insistent teasing and the hard factors of school, I’ve lost it. I rn out of the potions classroom, ignoring Snape’s calls. 

I rushed down the hallway, shoving my body into the nearest alcove. I shoved my face into my hands, sobbing uncontrollably. I slumped down letting my whole body slide down the wall until my knees hit my chest.

“(L/N)?” someone called from farther away. Then, closer. “(Y/N)?”

I didn’t want to call out, I didn’t want Draco to know where I was. 

I started sucking for breath, breathing in but not being able to breathe out. My lungs were gasping to let go of the air that I only kept dragging in. 

“(Y/N)!” Draco crouched next to me. “(Y/N), hey, you gotta breathe.”

The panic in his voice was palpable. My face was still nestled in my hands when Draco touched my shoulder. 

I yelped, pushing myself farther against the wall. 

“Hey, I’m not going to hurt you. Please calm down, please breathe,” Draco started shaking. 

“I-I ca-can’t,” I gasped, pulling my face up. 

“Okay,” Draco said, sitting across from me. “Why don’t you try breathing with me?”

Draco took a deep, exaggerated breath in. I followed as much as possible, the air flowing into my already full lungs. Then, Draco let out a heaving sigh, so big I could feel his breath whispering over my cheeks. I let out as big a breath as I could, which wasn’t nearly enough to empty my lungs. 

“You need to breathe out,” Draco pleaded. “Breathe in, and breathe out again.”

I took another deep breath in, Draco doing the same. When I breathed out this time, I could get more out. 

“There you go,” Draco smiled. “Okay, a couple more times, can you do that?”

I nodded, sucking in a sputtering breath. 

By the time I had exhaled twice more, I could breathe normally again. 

“What’s wrong?” Draco asked once I was breathing normally again. 

“I don't know,” I looked down, picking at my robes. “I’m just overwhelmed, I guess.”

“I’m sorry,” Draco said sincerely. 

“It’s not your fault,” I shrugged, still refusing to look up. 

It was silent for a moment. Draco took my hands. 

“I’m sorry for making you stress so much. For being so rude to you all the time,” he said. 

“Why do you hate me?” I looked up, finally. His eyes peered back into mine.

“I...I don’t hate you,” he frowned. “I’ve never hated you, never wanted to make it seem like that...you were just always the biggest competition. You know? The highest int he class. The one I had to beat. Does that make sense? I don’t hate you, I admire you, I just feel like I always have to be betetr than you.”

New tears were streaming down my face now, ones made out of relief. 

“Don’t cry,” Draco whined. “Please don’t cry.”

In the next moment, I was curled up next to Draco, my head on his chest and his arms wrapped around me. 

“It;s okay, you’ll get through this, I’ll help you, I mean it,” Draco said. 

“Really?” I looked up at him. 

“Really,” he smiled. “But...we should probably get back to class. Snape’s going to have a fit.”

Neither of us moved. 

“We could just skip class,” I suggested. 

“Yeah, who cares, right?” Draco teased. 

“Eh, I’m tired, anyway,” I laughed. 

“Fair,” Draco said. “Let’s get back to the common room, you can sleep there.”

“That sounds nice.”

Tags: @thatcluelessone @ima-fucking-nerd​​  @embrace-themagic @fireboltrose5737@whatdafricklefrackle@peeterparkr @sherlokiantheatrenerd @legit-fandom-trash​

[mitchmarnier]

when tomorrow comes (i’ll be on my own)

rating: mature

pairing: eddie kaspbrak/richie tozier

summary: Richie pushed himself up on his elbows and smirked. “You know, Eddie my love, we suddenly have great potential right here. Don’t you remember what it was like? Back in Derry… all the sneaking around, the thrill of getting caught all the time? What an adrenaline rush!”

“What a constant risk of anxiety attack you mean,” Eddie corrected, but he was grinning too. “But yeah, it was pretty exciting. What’s your point?”

“What if… and really hear me out here, Eds… we just let them think we were broken up?”

note: check AO3 for extended chapter ending!!

chapter count: 3/5

from king trashmouth<3: keep me updated on your date! bet he falls in love with you in 6 seconds! he’ll see how cute you are and he wont be able to help himself!

Eddie chuckled to himself and fought the urge to clutch his phone to get chest. He hadn’t realized how much he was going to miss his boyfriend. He really hadn’t given any thought to just how much time he and Richie spent together, until they were no longer able to spend every waking (and truthfully, most sleeping) moments together. The only reason they weren’t physically joined at the hip was because Eddie’s over bearing mother had refused pay for school if he was living with Richie.

to king trashmouth<3: he works with bill on the creativity news letter. im expecting him to be a huge fucking nerd

from king trashmouth<3: oh so totally your type! *kiss emoji*

to king trashmouth<3: my type is Richie Tozier, so unless my blind date is secretly you then he’s not my type at all

from king trashmouth<3: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

from king trashmouth<3: EDDIE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

from king trashmouth<3: HURRY OVER AFTER YOUR DATE SO WE CAN HAVE SEX

Eddie inhaled sharply, squeezing his eyes shut. He clutched his phone tightly in his hands and took several deep breaths. That was another thing he had learned about himself and Richie since this whole thing began: Eddie really liked having sex. He knew, of course, that he enjoyed sex but he’d never felt like he and Richie’s sex life was all that important. He hadn’t thought that it mattered all that much, sex or no sex, but once it became increasing more difficult to find time and place for them to have sex, Eddie had been practically gagging for it. Something Richie had been more than happy to point out.

to king trashmouth<3: stan?

from king trashmouth<3: meeting pattys parents. gonna be gone

from king trashmouth<3: all

from king trashmouth <3: weekend

Eddie swallowed roughly, truly being tossed back into the days of living with their parents in secret. It was rush, Richie had been right. Remembering hushed nights and how they’d practically be popping out of their jeans at the mere mention of Richie’s parents leaving town for even just one night. It was sharp and intense, and it left Eddie’s heart hammered in his chest.

“Eddie?” A voice called over to him as a man approached the table. Eddie looked up, blinking. Bill had quiet possibly over-sold the attractiveness of this friend, but Eddie had expected as much. Everybody oversold their friends for a date, even if Eddie had never actually been set up on a date before. Jake From Creative News Letter sort of had an…  Richie look to him, if he were being honest. The kind of person that if he and Richie had actually broken up, Beverly and Stan would probably been concerned for his mental health if he started dating this Jake dude. He had curly hair- a lighter shade of brown than Richie’s, but similar in texture- and thick rimmed glasses. His clothes were tamer colours, but still loose button up shirts over T-shirts with ripped jeans. Ugly boots.

to king trashmouth<3: not richie is here! ill text u when were done! love you!

from king trashmouth<3: ill give you 15 bucks and a blow job if you call him not richie at one point on his date eddie i stg

Eddie smirked to himself, and greeted Jake From Creative News Letter. He took the seat across from Eddie in the café and started asking simple questions. What Eddie assumed were first date questions, but Eddie had never really had a first date. Sure, they’d had their first date- and hundreds and hundreds after that- but they weren’t like this. There was no awkward questions, or getting to know each other process, or wondering if they were going to spilt the bill. Eddie couldn’t believe that people had the patient and strength to do shit like this regularly. Eddie never wanted to do anything like this again, and he was more than thankful that it was unlikely that he would have to.

Jake From Creative News Letter was a nice guy. Funny, objectively good looking, played soccer. Obviously smart on some level, if he worked with the journalism department. Eddie knew from living with Bill during first year that it was a hard as fuck process to get accepted to write anywhere with the department, let alone the creative wing. All in all, Bill had made a good call in a blind date for Eddie. Although Eddie was pretty sure if he’d actually broken up with Richie and Bill had suggested going out with some dude less than a week later, Eddie probably would have punched him in the face.

“Hey, Eddie, are you okay?” Jake From Creative News suddenly broke through Eddie’s thoughts, reaching a hand out to rest on top of Eddie’s. The contact lasted only a short moment, but Eddie had to fight off the urge to crinkle his nose in disgust and yank away. “You’re just really quiet, I don’t know if that’s normal, but I… You don’t need to be nervous. I know you just got out of a serious relationship and this probably isn’t your idea of a good time right now.”

Eddie smiled gently, wrapping both hands around his almost cooled drink. “Sorry I’m totally wasting your time, right now.”

Jake From Creative News Letter chuckled, ducking down to look at the table. “No, it’s okay, I mean honestly… when Bill was trying to set this thing up, he wasn’t actually all that convincing. Kept talking about your ex, how much he likes him. If he wasn’t so obviously straight, I think he was trying to get you out of the picture so he could go after your ex.”

Eddie barked out a laugh, shaking his head. “Bill and Richie? No, no, that’s… that’s a hilarious thought. They’re… I swear to God, Richie never seems more like a straight dude than when he’s hanging out with Bill. They’re pretty much the definition of bros.”

An odd smile came over Jake’s face. “Feel free to tell me I’m way out of line, but… you don’t really talk about this Richie guy like he’s your ex.”

Eddie’s gut tensed and he bit down on his lip. Richie had mentioned off-handedly something along the same lines; that Beverly was worried about how normal Eddie was being. That he didn’t seem like somebody who was working through a devastating break up, but Eddie felt that in his defense; he didn’t know how to behave as though he were going through a devastating break up and he prayed that he never would. “I guess…” Eddie said slowly with a shrug, knowing damn well whatever he said would be getting back to Bill. “It just doesn’t feel like we’re broken up.”

“You’re in love with him.” Eddie just smiled bashfully, knowing there was no damn way he could bring himself to deny that. It wouldn’t be fair to anybody, but Eddie wouldn’t have been able to pull off the lie even if he tried.  “Why break up then?”

“I…” Eddie croaked. “It be like that… sometimes.”

Jake raised his brow, almost smirking. “Yeah, I guess it does. But Eddie… it’s all over your face, you know? You barely mentioned Richie, but I could tell. I’m sure anybody could tell, so just… Don’t let this Richie guy get away from you, if you can make it work.”

Eddie swallowed roughly, blinking away tears that surprised him. Tears that didn’t need to be welling up in his eyes right now, because he wasn’t loosing Richie. His phone had vibrated three times during this date that were no doubt his boyfriend demanding attention. He and Richie were solid, they’d be solid since before they were even officially together in any romantic sense. Richie Tozier was the most beautifully constant in his life, and Eddie would never let anything come between that. “I… Uhm…” He shook his head, throat still a little choked up. “I’m sorry, I need to go. I… I’m sorry.”

“No,” Jake shook his head, smiling. “Nothing to be sorry for. Go work it out.”

Eddie pushed back from the café table, thanking Jake once more and rushed for the front door. He yanked his phone out of his pocket, ready to call Richie before realizing that Stan may not have left yet, and opened his text messages with a pang to the chest.

to king trashmouth<3: date over and i miss u blease tell me stan is gone

from king trashmouth<3: he and patty are getting ready to leave rn

from king trashmouth<3: just stop by your room give bill a short run through of the date and well be good to go ;)

to king trashmouth<3: i love you

from king trashmouth<3: i love you eddie always <3

--

Eddie let himself into his dorm room, not surprised to find Bill sitting on the bed waiting for him to come in. “So, how did it go?”

Eddie sighed, tossing his phone onto his bed and kicking at the carpet. “It was fine, I guess. Jake’s nice, we… we talked about Richie.”

Bill, to Eddie’s great surprise, beamed even brighter. “Good. I was hoping you would!”

Eddie choked on his tongue. “You set me up on a blind date in hopes that I’d talk about Richie? Why?”

“Because you won’t talk about Ruh-Rich to any of us,” Bill said with a shrug, suddenly seeming disinterested. “Which is fine, I guess, since we’re all friends. I get if you don’t want to tells us what happened, or what’s going on, but you need to talk about it if you’re ever going to get over him.”

Eddie’s stomach tightened a little bit at the casual tone in his best friend’s voice. Get over him, as though Eddie was ever going to do that.  He was pretty sure that if he and Richie ever broke up, he’d just take a pledge of celibacy and maybe join a cult in the woods. As depressing as that thought was, Eddie didn’t really have any plans to be with somebody who wasn’t Richie for the rest of his life. He’s known that since he was thirteen years old.

“Yeah, well.” Eddie shook his head, glancing sideways as his phone light up with a text alert from Richie. His heart beat sped up, realizing that it meant Stan and Patty were likely gone and he was in the clear to sneak over- as soon as he could get away from Bill. “Casting me into a date with Walmart Brand Richie who you’d told how great Richie was to the point where he thinks you’re a little bit in love with him definitely got us talking about Richie Tozier.”

Bill just laughed. “If I were going to go down on any rocking twink in this school, it would be Richie for sure. No offense, Ed.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and clenched his jaw. “Yeah, okay. Well, I’m going to go out and-“

“Wait!” Bill jumped up, making a mad grab for Eddie’s phone. Eddie dove for it first, making quick work of swiping away Richie’s text notification. “Since you’re coming to terms with Richie and you being over, you nuh-nuh-need to download Tinder.”

Eddie shot his brows up under his hair light and his mouth dropped open slightly. “I’m not fucking doing that!”

“Come on, Eddie,” Bill sighed. “You’ve literally only ever had sex with Richie, you gotta get ouh-ouh-out there! Get some kno-knotches in your bed-bedpost!”

Eddie was pretty sure his actual stomach churned in that moment. “You’re disgusting, that’s not fucking happening. I have to go.” Eddie grabbed his phone and attempted to make a mad dash to the door, trying to ignoring Bill’s shouts of “juh-just think about it!” as he dodged out the door. He ran most of the way to Richie’s dorm, realizing as he stood outside the door that he didn’t actually read Richie’s text and had absolutely no idea if Stan was in there or not. Realizing that in this moment, with Bill’s suggestion of going out and getting laid by somebody who wasn’t Richie ringing in his mind, Eddie didn’t care if Stan was there or not. He’d exposed them willingly right now, even knowing that Richie would never let him live it down if it happened.

He knocked once, hearing Richie call for him to come in, and quickly tumbled into the room. Richie looked up from his textbook and his face, slamming the book shut and jumping to his feet. Eddie’s heart flipping inside his chest as he watched Richie stumble a little bit in his exactment and he couldn’t hold back the little happy noise that rumbled out of his throat. He slammed the dorm door shut behind him and launched himself at his boyfriend, leaping into Richie’s waiting arms and clutching his legs tightly around Richie’s waist the moment his feet left the ground. Sure, maybe Richie stumbled immediately and ended up flat on his back on the bed but Eddie wouldn’t have expected anything else.

Eddie pulled away from Richie’s neck and could only stare down at this face for a moment before his breath hitched and leaned in to press a kiss to Richie’s nose. “Fuck, this is such bullshit. Bill is an asshole.”

Richie’s over excited grin dropped to a look of concern in a single second. One of the hands that were wrapped around Eddie’s waist came up to cup Eddie’s cheek. “What happened, babe? If that fucking news letter bitch did something to you, I swear to fuck-“

“No,” Eddie chuckled wetly. “No, Jake was fine, he… he was nice, you know? We mostly just talked about you.”

“Were you telling him what an amazing dick he’d have to live up to?” Richie asked cockily, but there was a look of insecurity in his eyes that made Eddie’s heart sink. “Because I’ve been working real hard on making sure your dick only reacts to mine, so this Jake dude can just-“

“Chill, Rich,” Eddie laughed, leaning back to rest his head on Richie’s chest. He could feel Richie’s heart beating, a little fast, a little frantically and it made Eddie’s blood rush. “I guess Bill really upsold how great you are because he wanted me to talk about you. Guess he’s worried about how I don’t seem to be accepting our break up, or some bullshit.”

Richie ran his nails up and down Eddie’s spine, in the way he knew so well made Eddie’s skin break out in goosebumps and his blood boil. “Stan’s all worried about me, too. You should have heard him trying to convince me to come stay with Patty’s parents this weekend, like he thinks I’m going to off myself the second he leaves campus or some shit. Fucking ridiculous.”

Eddie rubbed small circles into Richie’s chest, feeling his boyfriend’s breath catch. “Bill wants me to download Tinder. Thinks I need to have some one night stand to get over you.”

Richie went stiff underneath him, silence ringing through the spared space for too long. Eddie’s heart was beating so fast now, he truly feared it might pop right out of him. “Are you going to? Download Tinder, I mean… I know you aren’t going hook up with anybody, obviously.”

Eddie sat up slightly, resting both hands on Richie’s chest and dropping his chin down on top of them. “Bill told me to think about it, but honestly? The mere thought of it makes me feel disgusting. Like going on that date was bad enough, you know? I already know I’ll never be with anybody except you, so I don’t… I can’t say you’re the only person I’ve ever dated anymore.” Eddie’s voice hitched and Richie’s fingers pushed through his hair.

“Hey, hey, no.” Richie’s eyes were soft in a way they only ever were when Eddie knew he seemed breaking vulnerable. When Richie felt safe to be just as open and emotional. “One stupid blind date that I pretty much fucking told you to go now does not count, alright? We’ve only ever dated each other, and it’s always going to be that way, okay? Fuck anything else.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Eddie said. “You’re not the one who went on the date.”

Richie hummed. “Would you feel better if I did go on one? If we both go on stupid dates that we both know don’t count, then maybe it won’t bother you so much that you did it.”

Eddie bit his lip. Would that make him feel better? Eddie’s original instincts said No, absolutely not. Richie going out on a date with some stranger would certainly only make Eddie feel worse about this whole thing, but then he came to a pause. One of his favourite things about his relationship with Richie was that since the beginning they’d experienced all the same things, and in truth- his issue with having gone on this date wasn’t so much that he’d gone on a date with somebody else… it was that Richie never had.

“Honestly? It might.” Eddie said a little wishfully, staring up at Richie with his biggest puppy eyes. “If you’d be comfortable with it, I think I’d be okay with it. One date, like I did.”

“I’d do anything for you, baby,” Richie assure him, pressing a singular soft kiss to Eddie’s lips.

Eddie smiled, nosing at the side of Richie’s face. “Kay, but I’m not downloading Tinder. Fuck that.”

Richie chuckled and reached down to squeezed Eddie’s hips. “Good. Because if some random dude sends you a dick of his dick, I really don’t think my ego could handle it.”

Eddie let out a small hum, leaning back so he and Richie were pressed together nose to nose. He let his eyes drop to Richie’s lips, knowing how it drove his boyfriend crazy when it did. “Okay, but can we have sex now or?” Eddie didn’t need to say another word before Richie was pushing up on his elbows to press their lips together.

[the-static-and-i]

⏳ :)

// SO THIS IS A FUCKING LONG ONE, AND UM, OOF AT THE ENDING?? BUT IM P HAPPY WITH HOW THE REST OF IT CAME OUT, SO HERE THE FUCK WE ARE??? 

ITS ALSO A CLOAK BOI, CAUSE IM A FUCKING SLUT FOR THAT SHIT RN, AND ITS KIND OF A CONTINUATION OF THE LAST REQUEST FIC? THIS TIME ITS ~EVERYONE~ GETTING FUCKED ON.

TW: Prison-esque cells, chains, collars, bomb mention, anxiety, anxiety inducing text, drowning, shattered glass, glass shards, cuts, electrocution, character death. Please let me know if i missed anything, this is a big one.

They had been trapped for four days. No word from Sam or Marvin or Anti or even the cult assholes. Jackie had been fruitlessly trying to hack to each of their accounts, hoping for a clue or a location, some physical place he could go and get Marvin and everyone out of.

Finally, as he set his bags onto the bed of their new hotel room, he got five notifications from the server all at once. He glanced at it, assuming it was just casual conversation with weird timing, but saw each one of them was from Two. The preview of every message read "Tick tock. :)...", and Jackie fumbled to unlock his phone, pulling up the server and the first chat he saw, Phaedo. Everyone active was responding negatively at the code underneath the message, but he saw Chance and Alex mentioning getting onto solving it.

Nic rested his hand on Jackie's arm, hugging him from behind. Jackie relaxed a little, leaning back into the hold and turning off his phone, hoping that someone would get the code quick.

He got his wish; by the time he woke up the next morning, all groups had solved the code and JJ had dm'ed him.

"They're taunting you. You know it's probably a trap, right?"

He pulled up the code, seeing a link that led to a picture of Marvin chained up, the caption reading "Better hurry, hero. Your brother's waiting." With some coordinates attached. He sighed, looking over at Nic who had been working on the code late last night while Jackie had been trying to get information on the cult members. He was curling closer to Jackie's side, still asleep.

He sighed quietly, plugging the coordinates into his map app, seeing that they led scarily close to their current hotel. Anxiety chewed at his nerves, but he ignored it as best he could, finally typing a quick message back to JJ, "I know, but we dont have a choice. I'll be careful."

He turned over, wrapping an arm around Nic and hugging him close for a moment, long enough that he slowly starting waking up, before laying a gentle kiss to his forehead.

Nic was giving him a sleepy smile when he pulled away, and he uttered a soft "Hey."

"Hey. That code last night? Leads to more coordinates. They're nearby, so I'm gonna head out. You should try to stay out of the hotel, just in case it's not a coincidence that they're so close."

Nic yawned and nodded, working his way up but pausing to stretch. Jackie followed suit, pulling the sheets up lazily and moving to find his bag and costume.

10 minutes later, they were both outside, Nic heading towards the local mall, Jackie speed-walking over to the destination from the code. There was nothing on the map in the location, but the cultists had confirmed that they had gotten the answer, so he didnt hesitate more in getting going.

It turns out the map was wrong, he realized as he reached the destination. There was a small, beat up shack, the remnants of a burned house or some small fort, on the property. He heaved a sigh, watching his steps closely as he moved toward the building, texting updates to the group chat.

He stepped onto the foundation, breathing a small sigh of relief that nothing had jumped out and attacked him in the 6 yard gap between sidewalk and cement.

He glanced down at the group chat, seeing Two piping in with a simple "tick tock," repeating themself but setting Jackie's nerves on fire. He buried his anger and confusion at how they got into the locked chat, telling them to fuck off and then saying hed be back soon.

He stayed quiet as he looked around again, turning off his phone and slipping it into his pocket as he passed the blackened remains of a doorframe.

In the corner of the next room was a cellar door, metal and grey, with a rusty padlock keeping chains around the handles. He ripped off the chains easily, pulling the doors open and eyeing the steps warily.

This was so a trap. He sighed again, grabbing one door and pulling it off of the hinges so he had less chance of getting trapped in whatever hell was waiting for him, before finally descending.

His vision didnt change the farther down he went, but he could feel the dull throbbing in his temples that meant his night vision had kicked in.

All around him were cells, empty ones that didnt even have food trays or windows, and definitely no bed. His ears perked as he heard shuffling in one of them farther ahead, looking into it and seeing- "Marvin?"

Jackie was quick to pull open the door, his brother looking up at him with weary eyes, but a small smile twitching up his lips.

"Knew you'd make it. Little help?" Marvin rattled the chains around his wrists, Jackie nodding and pulling them out of the walls, then getting to work on unlocking them from around his limbs.

"You look like shit, Marv." Jackie tried to sound playful, but he had been worried as fuck, and he wasnt totally convinced this wasnt a trap.

"Its this new diet I'm trying: not eating or sleeping for a few days? Maybe you should give it a shot." Jackie snorted, successfully pulling both sets of chains off of Marvin's limbs before noticing the big fucking collar.

"Jesus, 's this overkill or what?" He mumbled under his breath.

"Right, that's what I'm saying, it's not like I- ow- not like I punched him in the throat or anything." Jackie gave him a look. "I didnt! I elbowed his nose. Sam punched him in the throat!"

Jackie tensed up, glancing back through the bars but not seeing anybody. "Sam's here? Who else is?"

"She uh, she was? Anti came and dragged her out a bit before you got here, and she didn't look like she was in the best shape.. You're going after them, right?" The collar came off finally, Marvin grabbing it and setting it aside carelessly. He stood up as Jackie moved backwards, his knees protesting at the movement as blood flooded back into them. He wobbled on his feet, leaning hard against Jackie as his numb feet struggled to support him. "Shit.."

When he was stable enough to stand on his own, Jackie finally responded. "Course I'm going after them, he cant hurt anybody else. Who else is here? Can you get them out?" His mind was racing, his eyes flicking between Marvin's dull ones.

"I.. can try? But my magic.." He tried to create a flame at his fingertips, instead getting small sparks that fizzled out. "Yeah, no. Do you even know where he took her?"

Jackie hesitated before shaking his head. "No. So I'll get everyone out, and then we have to find out how to get them home safe.." Jackie tried to ignore that that would be harder than he made it sound, stepping back into the hallway and onto the next cell.

Finally, all five people stood in the hallway, shaking and crying but unharmed. Marvin led them out, following Jackie's shouted directions, since he held the rear.

As they all climbed out, in an almost single-file orderly line, Jackie heard something. He turned his head, his foot still on the bottom step, only seeing the long hallway with an unnatural darkness at the end of it. His fight or flight kicked in, rocking forward on his toes as he turned back to Marvin, who was holding a hand out to him.

"Jackie dont, you dont know what's in there and we have to get these guys safe."

"I know, but-" tick tock. The sound reverberated off the walls, Jackie looked back and saw a shape forming in the darkness.

"Dont you fucking dare, Jackie come on!" Marvin called, but Jackie didnt look at him, instead stepping down and turning towards the hallway.

"Get them out of here, please. Stay safe," he heard Marvin groan in irritation, before he corralled the people together and led them away. Jackie waited until their steps faded away before he moved down the hall, glancing into every cell as he passed. tick tock.

He stopped and listened as the sound came again, hoping to locate its source but no dice. The echoes had faded when he finally moved again, his pace even slower than before, in case the ticking was a bomb or something similar.

ticktock. He flinched, his head ducking to his left as he swore the sound was right in his ear, nothing more than a quick whisper that had his skin crawling. He looked around hastily, ensuring he wasnt about to be jumped, before he picked up his pace again, realizing that the noises were coming from Anti or similar, not anything that would explode.

He glanced into the next set of cells, tick tock tick. It came from in front of him, so he kept moving. Ticktocktick. He started running, the shape at the end of the hallway solidifying the closer he got. ticktockticktock. The hallway seemed to drag on, he stopped checking the cells, nearly sprinting. tick tock tick tock.

He skidded to a stop as everything warbled around him, the cells fading to dirty plastered walls, ticktocktick, the end of the hallway rushing forward to meet him. He backed up, trying to outrun the stone wall, tick tock tick, but it stopped far before it reached him, blending seamlessly into the rest of the wall before he could blink. ticktock.

He looked around the new room in a rush, realizing the sound was slowing down and he had no idea where he was. tick tock. He walked over to where the stone wall had been, banging against it and hoping to find it hollow. It wasnt though, and he huffed an irritated worried sigh, turning and putting his back to the wall, tick. tock. as he reexamined his surroundings. There was no door, no window, no light source, no pillars, nothing. The walls were bare, the floor was wooden, the ceiling was low and empty.

tick. He heard a glitching sound, his eyes having to readjust to the sudden green light of Anti appearing. In front of the glitch was Sam, struggling desperately against the arm around her throat. tock.

Jackie ran and lunged forward, Anti's cackle echoing around the room as he glitched away. He was kicked from behind, a boot to the center of his back that had him stumbling over his own feet. He swiveled midair, landing on his ass and shielding his face against whatever blow might be coming.

There wasnt one. Instead, Anti stood in front of him, flicking open and closed a knife at his side. His leer was cruel, almost illuminating the rest of his face. Jackie didnt look away, pushing himself to his feet as he forced his heartrate down.

"No witty quips or clever catchphrase, hero?" Anti sneered, his body glitching out.

"Nah, you arent worth the effort. But if you want-"

"If I’m not-" tick, "maybe she is." He smiled, glitching Sam back into the room. She shook her head as she saw them both, quickly hugging herself and backing away. "Or maybe him?" tock, Nic glitched in, looking around the room confused. He glared at Anti as soon as he gained his bearings, reaching out for Jackie.

As his hand brushed the fabric of Jackie’s costume, he was thrown back across the room like he had been shocked. He sat up quickly, seeing Jackie was back against the opposite wall, like he had been shocked too. Nic rushed toward his side, hitting a glass wall after only a couple steps. He hit it hard, staggering back but not falling. He pressed his hands against the pane, turning to glance at his side and seeing Sam with her hands pressed against two glass walls of her own, one separating them.

“Sammy, you okay?” He asked, seeing the bags under her eyes and her shaking arms. She stared blankly out through the glass, giving only a small nod in response.

“You?” Her voice was quiet, hoarse, Nic couldnt tell if it was from screaming or not having water in a few days, but he figured he didnt want to know just yet.

“Uh, was good up until now. We’re gonna be oka-” As if on cue, the sound of rushing water cut him off quickly, and he muttered a soft curse. He looked forward again, seeing Jackie standing up again, with Anti between him and the glass cells.

“Tick tock, Jackaboy. Who’ll you save this time?” Anti glitched away, his voice still reverberating as he spoke again, “My money’s on neither.”

“Fuck you, asshole!” Nic shouted, banging on the glass once before stepping back from it. Anti laughed joyfully, either at Nic or at Jackie running full speed at the glass in front of him.

His body slammed into the wall in front of Nic, the box wobbling back and forth, the water at his feet sloshing around in tandem. He backed up, looking over at Sam and seeing her backed against the wall opposite Nic. She ran forward too, her impact rocking both of their boxes a little. She groaned softly and rubbed her shoulder, backing up again anyway.

“Sam dont, dont hurt yourself. I got this, Im getting you both out of here.” He ran forward again, hearing the glass crack as his arm hit the same spot again. The cage rocked back dangerously far, Nic calling out as he pushed himself forward to offset the weight. It worked, the cage stabilized, and Jackie was ready to run again. “Back up.”

Nic complied, and Jackie ran full speed at the cage, successfully breaking through the glass with his shoulder. He pushed himself through the big fucking hole, further shattering the glass until he could reach Nic.

Sam gasped next to them, but Jackie didnt divert his attention yet. “D-dads, if something happens, you two get out, i love you both, tell everyone im so-” her voice was rushed, but her own screams still cut her off.

Jackie looked over quickly, seeing wires laying in the water at her feet. The electricity off of them was visible, and Sam was fighting to not let her legs give out. Jackie cursed, hastily jumping back from Nic’s cage and readying himself to run again, Nic standing next to him. He didnt object, instead cueing Nic to run with him, the two of them rocking the box back. She yelped as the water climbed higher up her bare legs, but bit her lips and leaned forward against the rocking.

The two of them backed up again, barely waiting for the box to stabilize again before taking off. The glass cracked loudly, a small shatter going across the entire front of the pane. Water started spurting out from the cracks, but it kept climbing higher, soaking her shorts and tank top without going past her belly button yet. She cried out as the electricity increased, her body doubling over and accidentally splashing into the water.

Her voice doubled as Jackie and Nic backed up, Ren trying to take over and front so Sam didnt have to suffer any more. The box rocked back as the shatter got bigger, not breaking but getting close, so close, they were so close.

“We love you both, you can do this, we believe in y-” The electricity increased again, and Ren gasped, feeling her heart beat shudder and fuck up, her breath catching in her throat. She couldnt even cough, the water rising up to her throat making her larynx twitch and close up.

The men, her dad, her dads that she rarely talked to, slammed into the glass, but it bounced them off of it instead of breaking. She heard Anti’s laugh, his cruel, sadistic, grating laugh, before the water rose again, covering her ears and eyes and soon her whole head. She couldnt move, her body was so stiff, she had to swim, had to fucking move, come on, please, but she couldnt force her muscles to tense or relax.

On the other side of the glass, she saw the shapes of Jackie and Nic, still throwing themselves at the glass, she tried so desperately hold her breath, to hold out, to keep herself alive so Sam could hug them both again. The electricity, Anti, was so against her determination though, increasing until she could actually feel her heart struggle to keep pumping as all of her muscles froze up.

She screamed out, seeing the shadows on the other side coming closer again, fucking hoping that this was the one. Her vision went dark all at once, but she didnt hear the glass break. She tried to open her eyes, tried to look out at her family, tried so hard to call out to them, but her body wasnt responding, barely even twitching as the electricity increased more. She didnt even feel it happen; she was gone.