#(that what sets them apart is just a stat check)

[thydungeongal]

Neoclassical Geek Revival is a really weird game. While the name would make one think it's some crusty OSR game that is mostly just remixing old ideas that could not be further from the truth. It's a strange game that is in many ways very old school but is more than a simple heartbreaker (mostly because in contrast to the archetypal heartbreakers this game is clearly written with an awareness of movements and games within the hobby besides just D&D).

First of all, it's a game that is particularly interested in its own weird dice and number tricks. Dice can explode. Sometimes you're specifically looking for the maximum of a given die (for an example: if a character is out of combat for maximum of d6 rounds, marked as ?d6, it means it's checked every round by rolling a d6 and on a 6 they are no longer out). There is a dice chain where dice can "increase" or "decrease" in strength, like a d10 becoming a d12 or a d8 becoming a d6. You can INVERT dice, so a d4 becomes a d12 or a d10 becomes a d6. Besides a normal linear progression, some rules utilize a cumulative progression of 1, 3, 6, 10, 15, etc.

Then you start getting into the specifics and things are once again weird: there are classes but instead of picking one class and sticking to it you basically build your character by allocating pieces into the different classes. Level 1 characters start with three pieces of pie. You COULD allocate all three into Warrior, to make a pretty straightforward fighty type, or you might want to mix it up by adding a single piece of Bard into two pieces of Warrior for something not unlike a warlord, kinda. The number of pieces you allocate to a class also ends up affecting a specific modifier, used in a wide variety of conflicts. Warrior adds to Combat, Rogue affects Stealth, Mystic affects Occult, Bard affects Presence, and any pieces allocated to Fool (basically the class that represents someone who survives adventures based on pure luck instead of skill) affect Faith.

This is where you get one of the things that sets the game apart from most OSR games: many old school games are often based around the idea of singleton mechanics and procedures to cover specific situations. NGR rejects this in favor of a single conflict system that then gets applied to situations besides combat! It is literally what some people think of when they hear mechanics for social interaction, i.e. dealing 1d6 rhetorical damage to an opponent's argument to get them to relent, but applied to multiple different situations.

Interestingly, the game does not have hit points: all damage accrues against stats. In an argument "social damage" (called Influence) accrues against a character's Will, and once it exceeds it the character has lost the argument. But characters have a pool called Luck (which you can increase by allocating pieces to Fool) which can be used 1:1 to mitigate damage of all kinds. The game even has tricks for FORCING opponents to spend Luck, as a means to chip at their defences before targeting them with something that REALLY hurts (like insulting an opponent in a physical conflict).

The game also has no list of spells, instead just giving players the systems for making their own spells. Same with monsters in fact.

And sometimes you just get hit with a rule that makes you think "why has no other game ever done this." Like the rule for giving experience in dungeon crawl focused campaigns where each new room explored after the first is worth 10 cumulative XP. So if characters end up exploring five new rooms they get 100 XP (after the first one, 1+2+3+4 times 10).

Anyway it's a neat game, worth looking at and mining ideas from imo.

[holllandtrash]

haunted | daniel ricciardo

pairing: daniel ricciardo x driver!reader (part 2 to fragile line)

Can't breathe whenever you're gone Can't turn back now, I'm haunted

you're racing. daniel isn't, but he's not gone either, is he? word count: 7.6k (im so sorry) warnings/tags: angst really, more incorrect f2 stats but whatever, time jumps again, platonic love all around, not as big of a rollercoaster as part 1 but just wait till part 3 lol

“Do you know?”

“Do I know what?” You asked, wondering why that was the first thing your teammate said when you opened the door to your flat. 

Lando didn’t even bother with a ‘hey, how was your day, what’s up’, he was just straight to the point, only you had no idea what the point was. 

He was still on a high after coming in second place the other day, so you let the impoliteness slide. Usually Lando didn’t look like a mix between a sweaty mess and a confused child, but you assumed he was like this because whatever was on his mind was important.

“You haven’t- did you-” Lando stammered over his words. “When’s the last time you checked your phone?”

You felt around in your pockets and glanced over your shoulder with a bit of a shrug. If you were being honest, you hadn’t looked at your phone in a few hours. Your morning was spent training and running errands now that you had some time and were home for a little while before the next race. You were still carrying a lot of energy after your successful finish in Silverstone that sitting still and scrolling through your phone was the last thing you wanted to be doing right now.

“Can you just find your phone, please?” Lando asked, because he didn’t want to be the person to break the news. He came over to talk to you, to walk you through it, to be someone to vent to if you needed it, but the last thing he wanted was to be the one to say it. 

It took a minute, but you found it in your bedroom, the screen lighting up and vibrating with each notification. As you walked back towards Lando, you scrolled through them all, trying to see which was the most important. 

Eventually, you landed on one from the official F1 app.

Daniel Ricciardo Replaces Nyck de Vries

Daniel Ricciardo was returning to the grid.

Daniel was coming back. 

But did he ever really leave in the first place?

You hadn’t spoken to him since that day in Monaco, almost a year ago now. The day your relationship fell apart, crumbling to pieces around you. 

You thought maybe, maybe, he’d call you before the next race or at least try to find you somewhere in the paddock to have a civil conversation but that didn’t happen. 

Of course, neither of you had time for a conversation anyway.

Daniel released his video 24 hours before media day in Belgium, announcing he would be leaving the team. It broke your heart watching it in your hotel room, knowing he was only a few floors up and probably struggled to record it. You could picture him retaking it a few times, just to get the words right, his tone right. He didn’t want to paint McLaren as being at fault for this decision, even if that was the case. 

If you weren’t the driver who was set to replace him, you would have been there in that room giving him encouraging nods and telling him to just speak to the fans. You would have been there when his head fell back against the wall in defeat, eyes closed as the weight of his unknown future crashed down on him. You would have crawled onto his lap and held him, telling him that another team was going to be desperate for him. 

Instead you were in your own room, watching the video like the millions of other followers he had. The only difference was, none of those followers asked themselves if they were to blame. 

It was just you, wiping the corner of your eyes and asking yourself if this was your fault. 

Surely when your news dropped, people would start pointing fingers, people would talk. 

Daniel Ricciardo trained her, they would say. He helped her get to this point and now she’s taking his seat. 

They’d throw assumptions into the wind about how this was probably your plan all along. 

It wasn’t, of course. Your plan was to get a seat in Formula 1 and see Daniel as friendly competition when you stepped onto the grid. You wanted to keep the support system alive when you moved up, knowing you had someone watching your back when you climbed out of the car. You wanted to be able to go home with him at the end of the night on Sunday and watch the race back with him, playfully critiquing each other's moves and ideally celebrating your victories, together.

You never wanted to leave him without a seat. 

But part of you must have known he wasn’t driving next year, right? You never brought up the contract, he never talked about leaving, nor did he talk about potentially moving to another team, which seemed like something you’d talk to your partner about. 

Daniel said nothing. You said nothing. And in the back of your head you knew he wasn’t signed to another team, you just didn’t want to accept it. 

You didn’t want to admit that part of that was your fault. 

Zak Brown put you in the worst position possible. He was giving you the chance to make your dream a reality, but in doing so, you were losing the one person who shared that dream with you. 

It shouldn’t have been hard to put on a smile during that post-race interview in Spa. You finished second, your hot streak had continued despite the turmoil your heart was going through. So not only was the adrenaline pumping through your veins from the podium, but McLaren had decided that morning was the perfect time to announce you were replacing Daniel. 

They didn’t word it like that, though. They just stated that you were to race for McLaren for 2023. No mention of Daniel, even if that was all anyone had questions about. 

“Second place in Spa, how are you feeling?” The reporter asked as you struggled to get comfortable in the white leather chair, your trophy at your feet. 

You weren’t surprised he, Richard from the official FIA reporting team, jumped directly to you, bypassing any questions for Liam Lawson who finished third. No one had yet to get a comment on your official move to F1, not having any time this morning since the news was announced. 

“It's exciting, it’s good to be back as well,” you nodded, turning to Felipe on your right who nodded as well. “A break is always needed, but there’s really no better feeling than getting back behind the wheel.”

“You’ve never podiumed here before,” Richard pointed out, “There’s quite a difference in performance from last year to this year, we’ve all noticed.” 

“Is there a question in there somewhere?” You laughed, not caring at all if it sounded forced, and you knew it did because Liam raised his hand to mouth to hide his chuckle and tried to play it off like he was just scratching his jaw. 

“Well it’s just no wonder that McLaren has snatched you up for the 2023 season, with how much you’ve shown this year what you’re capable of. Care to comment on that?” 

There it was. The first official request to talk about McLaren. 

“I mean, we’ve all seen the news at this point,” another laugh but this time it was more out of discomfort. 

You looked at Felipe, he nodded again but it was short and encouraging, silently telling you it was okay to take the spotlight even though it was him who had won this race. 

You cleared your throat, thinking about what the PR team from McLaren told you. You’re focused on Prema. McLaren knows this. McLaren is supporting you while you finish your F2 season and by all means, shut down any topic regarding Daniel Ricciardo. 

“Really, I’m just focused on finishing the season off strong with Prema,” you told Richard, feeling your smile start to slip because how could you be excited over that or a trophy when you knew what he was thinking and what the whole world was thinking. 

You prayed he wouldn’t bring it up, but the media world was hell. 

“And Daniel’s departure-

Liam promptly lifted the mic to lips, cutting off Richard before he could finish that thought. “We’ll all miss her, I think that’s safe to say. But maybe it’ll be a bit easier for the rest of us to podium when she’s gone.”

Quiet laughter spread through the audience and you just turned to Liam and mouthed a quick ‘thank you’. He didn’t say anything back, just dropped his head to your shoulder for a second and smiled, playing up the whole we’ll miss her statement. It wasn’t an act, though. Most of the guys you raced with had stopped you at some point this morning sharing their congrats and giving you a hug, telling you that you deserved that spot in F1. 

Even Felipe said it and meant it, and he was on the fast track to win this year, also eyeing a spot in F1. You had a good support system in this series. 

He dropped his head to your other shoulder and your lips fell into a playful pout, raising your hands to the sides of both driver’s faces. It made a cute photo. The F1 social media team really played into the love you had from your competitors. 

You had a lot of support in the paddock, surprisingly, from other drivers. 

Mick found you before his own race started. He was your first teammate during your rookie season in F2, it only made sense he was the first current driver to congratulate you.  

“You deserve it,” Mick told you, arms tightly wrapped around your body as he gave you a comforting embrace that almost compared to the one you were craving from Daniel, but still something was missing. 

Mick’s contract was up at the end of 2022, and no one knew where he was going but he assured you that no matter what, he’d be on your side. 

You sort of interacted with Lando on Sunday after your feature race. When you passed him in the paddock, he held his hand out for a fist bump and gave you a wide smile. The cameras caught it, they caught everything apparently, and it was the first photo you saw on social media when you got to the airport late Sunday evening. 

First of many celebratory fist bumps, McLaren’s caption said. It was a nice photo, truly. 

Too bad the comments were anything but. 

Not McLaren hyping up the fact that Danny’s girlfriend is replacing himIsn’t she only fourth in the driver standings in F2 lol We don’t want her we want the honey badgerEven worse when you think about the fact that they are literally in a relationship and she’s taking his seatNo class from any of them

No one seemed to know that you and Daniel were done, but how would they know? Your relationship was private, your break up would be too. 

Your break up. 

And then it hit you. Right there in the airport. After the adrenaline of a podium had worn off. After the excitement of signing with a new team had passed. After you were finally left alone after being surrounded by your team and drivers and press all day, you broke down. 

It was embarrassing. The only saving grace was the fact that you were sat in the corner of the premium lounge, facing the windows, so at least no one could see you cry. You weren’t quiet though, you knew your faint sobs could be heard from anyone within a 3 metre radius.

And you knew how immature this was, crying in an airport. But when you felt things you felt them with every fibre in your being. You were overjoyed beyond words, shaking when you got first podium in F2, and then feeling that multiplied by fifty when you won in Monaco. 

You were madly in love with Daniel, despite only dating for a year. It wasn’t young love, puppy love, a whirlwind romance, or any of those sappy headlines. You were head over heels, ready to spend your life with the man who lifted you up above the rest of the world. Who not only put you on a pedestal, but made sure other people did too. He was always in your corner, even before you started dating. He loved you long before you even realised you could also love him. 

As an athlete, as a future world championship contender, as a friend, Daniel loved you. 

The day you knew you loved him, you knew you were screwed, you both talked about the risks. 

Fragile line, you called it, walking a tightrope, he joked. There was such a huge margin of error, so many things that could go wrong by falling in love with, not only a driver but the driver who mentored you. 

The media would turn against you. Sponsors would shake their heads. Your future could have been jeopardised. You’d be labelled as a poor role model for girls in motorsport. 

You walked a dangerous and delicate line with Daniel, but you didn’t think it would snap beneath your feet. You never thought you’d be the one to break it. 

So yes, you were full on sobbing in the airport as you waited to board your flight to Amsterdam. 

“Pretty sure podium winners aren’t usually this distraught.”

You heard the British accent and immediately sat up, wiping your eyes and sniffling to at least try and make it seem like you weren’t crying. You turned your head and watched as Lando sat down next to you on the dark blue chair, resting a leg over his knee. 

You didn’t say anything, you just stared at him, worrying that if you did try to talk, all that would come out would be more cries. 

Lando reached into the front pocket of his backpack and pulled out a travel size pack of tissues, tossing them to you without so much as a word. He waited a few minutes as you composed yourself, using some of the tissues and pocketing the rest for later. 

“You okay?” Lando asked, sounding concerned for your well being because he had a point, podium winners aren’t usually this distraught. 

“Am I okay?” You repeated back followed with a playful scoff. “Do I look okay?” 

“You look awful.”

“I feel awful.”

Lando nodded, clearly unsure what to do in this situation. His current teammate, his friend, was leaving at the end of this year and his new teammate, a girl he had barely had 5 conversations with, was having a breakdown in the airport. 

Lando, whether he liked it or not, knew he would be caught in the middle of whatever this mess was for the next few months or so. 

He knew you and Daniel were an item. Daniel told himself shortly after Silverstone, and only because Lando had asked, simply curious.

“You and Y/N,” he started off, hesitantly, seeing the two of you interact much more flirtatiously then you had before. “You two are..” he didn’t know how to word it. 

Daniel just winked, “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

That pretty much confirmed it. And then when you started showing up in the back of the McLaren garage during race weekends, Lando sort of accepted it, quickly getting used to seeing you around. 

You were always friendly with each other, but your attention was always on Daniel, too. Lando saw the way you were quick to rush to his side after a difficult race. How you were the first one Daniel looked for when he stepped out of the car, eyes searching the sea of orange for you. Lando heard the way Daniel talked about you, the way he praised you, telling everyone who would listen that you deserved a spot in Formula 1. That man had a note saved on his phone of your stats, race wins, qualifying times, records broken, all of it. 

Daniel loved you. Everyone who knew him saw it, and Lando was no exception. 

So one could imagine the uncertainty he felt as he approached you in the airport. Surely you and Daniel weren’t together anymore, right? Or were you somehow going to work through this? Could you work through it? Taking his seat?

Lando, like everyone else, was dying to know. 

“Has he said anything?” You asked him before Lando had a chance to get a word out. That question alone confirmed that you and Daniel weren’t on speaking terms at least.

“About you?” Lando asked and when you nodded, he saw the devastation hit your eyes as he shook his head. “Honestly he wasn’t very talkative today, left right after the post race stuff.”

“How is he?” You then asked. “Has he- is there any word on him finding a seat next year?” You pulled your knees up to your chest, staring hopefully at the British driver. 

It pained Lando to shake his head again, “Not yet, but it’s still pretty early. I’m sure he’ll find a seat.”

You nodded, praying that Lando was right. When you dropped your chin to your knees, averting your eyes when you felt the tears well up again, Lando’s chest grew tight. He felt bad for you. This was a hard position for you to be in. 

“It’s not your fault, you know,” Lando assured you. “Danny’s one of the best there is, but the results just aren’t there. Zak didn’t see any point in continuing if it’ll just end up being more of the same.”

Lando tried to be encouraging, really, and you were thankful for that, but he got the hint after a while that you just didn’t want to talk about it. Before leaving you alone, he gave you his number and told you that if you needed anything, to just reach out. 

You were always friendly with Lando, but that was the start to your friendship.

It was Lando who shared your picture when you claimed first place in Zandvoort, celebrating your success with a cheeky caption stating how he better see you bring the hot streak to McLaren next year. He was the one who interrupted your post-race interview in Monza, spotting you in the paddock being interviewed by Will Buxton. Lando, despite needing to follow his own pre-race schedule, came and draped an arm over your shoulder and playfully interrupted whatever Will was trying to say.

“Look at that,” Will laughed when you struggled to shake Lando’s arm off of you, “Future teammates. Lando, how excited are you to be working with this incredible talent next year?”

“Oh extremely excited,” Lando answered, leaning into the mic gripped between your fingers. “She won’t be able to keep up with me though.”

And that it was it. He ruffled his hand through your hair and took off again.

He checked in on you between races, whenever a new headline was trending, whenever someone from social media had the audacity to compare yours and Daniels stats and pin you against each other as if there wasn’t already enough you were struggling with.

Lando didn’t want you to come into the new season already feeling defeated. He was still friends with Daniel, he always would be, but he had a kind heart. He wanted you to know that he wasn’t on anyones ‘side’, but more importantly, he saw you as a driver, as his next teammate. He didn’t see you as Daniel’s ex who was now stealing his seat like half of the world did.

It was also his car that you drove during the practice sessions in Austin and Abu Dhabi. Lando happily stepped aside for you, giving you a supportive pat on the back and strategically blocking your line of sight towards Daniel as he got ready for his sessions as well.

You still hadn’t spoken. You hadn’t even looked at each other. You tried, honestly, to catch his eye but he refused to even glance your way. He was in and out of that car so quick, finding any excuse to leave the garage while you were there.

It hurt. You knew his mind was made up. He was upset, he was hurt, he wanted nothing to do with you and seeing you in his garage sent him spiralling.

All you saw was Daniel turning his back on you, but what you didn’t know was this situation was giving Daniel constant headaches. He couldn’t look at you, the girl he loved, and watch you climb into the McLaren knowing that you’d be doing that throughout the entire next season and he wouldn’t.

All he ever wanted was to see you in a Formula 1 car, but not like this. 

You stood in Lando’s side of the garage during the last race. You wore your McLaren jacket, you had the orange headphones on as stared up at the screen. Your back was towards Daniel’s car, so you missed the way he did actually look at you. It pained him to see how well you blended in with the team, his team. He almost told himself it looked like you belonged there, but he quickly put his helmet on and climbed into his car, gearing up for the race.

He finished 9th. Lando finished 6th. And with that, the season ended.

Daniel was done.

You watched him celebrate with those closest to him. You stood off to the side and thought about how if things were different, you’d be clinging to him, sweaty race suit and all, waiting to congratulate him in your own way back at the hotel. You would tell him you loved him, that he didn’t need McLaren. You’d joke and say that you two could form your own team, because that’s what you should have been till the end, a team. 

But that wasn’t the case anymore. McLaren was your team now.

It was only a matter of days until Daniel spoke to the media about his departure. 

“I can’t speak ill of her,” Daniel said, shifting uncomfortably on the couch. He knew that coming on this podcast that he’d be asked about you and your contract. He was advised against it but the second his working relationship ended with McLaren, he agreed to talk, to share his side.

“But she’s the one who took your seat,” Jaycee so politely pointed out. “As happy as I am to see a female in Formula 1, it’s bittersweet knowing a driver such as yourself is left without a spot.”

Daniel sighed into the mic in front of him, “McLaren handed her her dream on a papaya platter and she grabbed it. I think a lot of drivers would do the same in that scenario.”

“But it stings a little more, doesn’t it?” Greyson, her co-host asked. “Because you two were-

“Friends, yeah,” Daniel interrupted. “Yeah we were close.”

“You mentored her,” Greyson pushed for more of an admittance as to what their relationship was. “You were seen with her and the Prema team during a handful of weekends. She even said you were her mentor.”

Daniel naturally hesitated, “I saw her potential early on and I wanted to help her grow. I really did want to see her in Formula 1, despite what anyone says about the situation she’s an incredible driver.”

“Everyone who follows Formula 1 knows you have a strong connection,” Jaycee said, subtly trying to pry for more as well. “After her Silverstone crash in 2021 you were in her garage. And then you were seen in Monaco together a few weeks later. You two weren’t just friends in the paddock, you worked closely together outside of race weekends too-

“Did your girlfriend take your seat or not?” Greyson blurted out, earning a glare from Jaycee on his left, but he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He wanted to know, the whole world wanted to know what was going on between you and Daniel now that you were signed for McLaren. 

And you had to give props to Daniel, he played it off about as smoothly as he could. 

“McLaren sees more potential in her than me,” he said, still smiling because that’s who he was. A people pleaser, always grinning, always a breath of fresh air. “If they can give her what they promised me, then that’s good for all of them. Do I like how the situation went down? No, but that’s the reality of Formula 1. You’re not safe unless you’re winning and I wasn’t winning.”

“And your relationship-

“She doesn’t need a mentor anymore, does she?” Daniel asked, disregarding any ideas of the two of you dating. “She made it to Formula 1. That was what she wanted. I wish her well.” 

That was the closest thing to confirmation of your break up that anyone would get. 

And the interview ended shortly after that, doing wonders on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. You listened to it also, just waiting for Daniel to say something horrible but of course he didn’t. That wasn’t him. He was the good guy. He was the hero. He got you to Formula 1 and was holding his head up high, wishing you well and thanking McLaren for the last 2 years. 

You wished it ended there, the conversations surrounding you. It should have ended there. 

But fast forward to the awards dinner at the end of the year, just shortly after the last race of the season. 

You sat with your mum at a round table with Felipe and his partner and few other people involved in Formula 2. 

You had finished second in the standings, not first like you had dreamt of, but Felipe told you that first place in the championship would come in F1, don’t worry. 

And you weren’t sure who had made the seating chart, but from where you sat, you could easily see Daniel at his table, only a few metres away from your own. He sat with some of his friends and some people from his personal team. He was also purposely avoiding looking in your direction, knowing that if he did, he’d be making eye contact for the first time in months. 

He’d see your stunning features and bright eyes standing out among the rest. He’d see the low cut, thinly strapped black dress, showing off the collarbones he used to mark with his lips, the trail between your breast and down to your navel that he used to make with his tongue. If he looked at you, he’d think of all the ways the night would have ended if things were different. 

If he looked at you, he’d be reminded that the girl he loved was the one who broke him. He’d be reminded that as hurt as he was by your actions, by taking his seat, he couldn’t forget the memories you made, the moments he shared, the way he used to admire you. 

He didn’t love you anymore, though. He couldn’t. He forced those feelings out, replacing them with regret for ever deciding to help you because if he hadn't helped you, it wouldn’t have been you that took his seat. 

So Daniel looked at the stage, his friends, his food. He didn’t look at you. 

He didn’t even look at you when you walked up to collect your trophy, choosing that moment to be the perfect time to walk up to the open bar. He ordered a few more drinks and a shot on a whim, downing it back before walking to the table, 2 freshly poured glasses of rum and cokes in hand. 

Daniel got drunk that night. He didn’t mean to, but it helped him deal with all he had going on. It was a good way to end the 2022 season, to put it behind him. You, McLaren, all of it. 

Someone should have stopped him when he noticed you about to leave at the end of the night, a white coat draped over your shoulders. That should be my blazer, Daniel thought, thinking of the countless nights he had given you his jacket for warmth. 

You were in the middle of a conversation with someone from Prema when you felt a tug in your arm. When you looked up and saw it was Daniel who was pulling you off to the side, your heart sank. There were no butterflies anymore, just a lot of anxiety and guilt eating you from the inside. 

You could tell he hadn’t thought through what he was going to say. For a split second, his gaze was soft, almost like he thought about congratulating you for a successful season. For a moment, proud Daniel was back and for a moment, you got your hopes up. Maybe this line you broke could be fixed.

It was a bad sign when his eyes grew cold, features hardening along with them. This man, who was all you wanted, stared at you like you were a stranger, and maybe you were now. 

He opened his mouth and the room around you fell dark and quiet. It was your mind playing horrible tricks on you, putting a spotlight in this moment in time so it would haunt your memories after tonight. You knew the earth was still spinning, that people around you were still moving, but you couldn’t trust anything, frozen in this space with Daniel. 

“I hope you’re happy,” Daniel spoke softly, but his words cut through you like a knife. If someone told you that your heart was bleeding, you’d believe it. That’s certainly what it felt like.

He didn’t want you to be happy. He didn’t want you taking his seat. He didn’t want to see you live out his dream. He put on a beautiful charade for the press, but deep down you knew, he saw you as nothing more but a mistake. He no longer wanted you to succeed, despite telling the world he wished you would. 

"Daniel-"

You automatically reached for him and he flinched backwards. It hurt, seeing him react how he was. He didn’t want you touching him, he just wanted to get one more word in, wanted you to know that he was still bitter and would be for a while. 

You stood there and watched him walk away, haunted by the pain and broken trust in his eyes, a look that would become burned into your mind during your restless sleeps. 

And then there was the week where you just didn’t sleep. The week after Daniel’s contract with Red Bull was announced. 

He wasn’t driving with them, but he wasn’t leaving Formula 1 either. 

He’d still be around the paddock during selective race weekends. He’d be there, putting on a show for the fans because everyone loved him. Everyone wanted him on the grid, and if he couldn’t race, at least he was still there in the garage as a reserve driver. 

The same excitement couldn’t be said for you. 

Despite forming a close bond with Lando really early into the pre-season, it helped that he was only two years younger than you, you were not met with open arms and loud cheers. 

You had some supporters, a lot actually, but nothing compared to Daniel’s fans. You were pulled alert and critiqued for every move you made. You could understand the questions that circulated when you didn’t even finish the first race in Bahrain, retiring early because of an engine problem. Did Zak really make the right move by replacing Daniel with you? What could you bring to the team if this was how you started the season?

But it was the talk about what you did off the track that really got to you. You didn’t care if people weren’t a fan of your driving, you knew F1 fans had their favourites and you knew you weren’t everyone’s. 

However social media had a way of spinning everything. You lost count of the ridiculous rumours. Apparently, you were now replacing Daniel with Lando because that playful interview you did talking about red flags in relationships really gave away the fact you were sleeping together. 

Oh you were also sleeping with Mick Schumacher, because you had a thing for reserve drivers, it seemed. And the way he found you after your second race without points again in Saudi Arabia made it so obvious that you were with him. 

And you couldn’t forget about how big of a bitch you were, choosing to not acknowledge Daniel in Australia when you walked past him in the paddock. It was his home race, he was the reason you were even racing, and you couldn’t even stop and give him a smile? 

These rumours were truly getting annoying.

Of course, you couldn’t come out and tell people that Lando was seeing someone because it was so new and private and not your story to tell. No one cared that Mick was your teammate at Prema in 2020 and you guys had always been friends. No one would believe you if you said that you didn’t even see Daniel in the paddock, being too engrossed in your conversation to notice that the Australian was walking past. 

You grew to hate seeing him during race weekends. 

It was a constant reminder of what could have been. 

What if you had waited a year and signed with McLaren then? Would Daniel still hold this hatred towards you if his contract played out like it was supposed to? 

What if you signed with a different team like Williams instead, and someone else replaced Daniel? If Oscar Piastri had taken his spot, would Daniel be this resentful still to see you driving? Or would he happily walk by your side in the paddock, him in Red Bull polo, you in your Williams racing suit? Would he have accompanied you during the race weekends when he didn’t have Red Bull duties?

Was there ever a scenario where he stood in your garage and watched you race? Cheering you on, despite what place you finished? Despite where he was in his own career?

Or was that just a far fetched dream? 

Because let’s face it, if Daniel was still racing this year, it would be hard to support you and focus on his own season. How could he be happy if he DNF’d and you finished in the points? How could you be happy if the media would say that you were only using Daniel to get ahead? 

If you had signed for Williams and Daniel was still replaced, it would be difficult for him to watch you race, to watch you do what he loved. How could he be in your corner when he no longer had a corner of his own to stand in? 

Maybe you were doomed from the start. Fragile line, you said. How true that was. It was always going to snap.

You heard through the grapevine that Daniel had said you taking his seat before his contract was even up was the worst thing you could have possibly done. 

Was that in regards to McLaren? To your relationship? From a sportsmanship standpoint? You had no idea. You just knew Daniel wasn’t impressed that you were racing and he wasn’t.  

You hated seeing him during the few races he attended. You were petrified to run into him in the paddock, in the pit lane, in the hotel for christ sakes, you didn’t want to see him. At one point, you were desperate for even just a smidge of attention from him and now you felt sick whenever you heard he would be in attendance.

You went five races in a row without scoring any points. You could practically hear Daniel’s smug expression when you crossed the finish line each time. He was probably eating this up, knowing you were the one struggling now. 

The only difference was, you didn’t have him to turn to after a shitty run in the McLaren. 

Lando tried to be helpful, but he was struggling too. People called the car a tractor and honestly, so did you and Lando in private. You had a group chat with your personal trainers and the four of you called yourselves the farmers. The jokes made and lighthearted conversations shared were the only silver linings during this depressing start of a season.

Monaco was better, sort of. 

You finished 10th, so at least that was a point under your belt. 

But Daniel was everywhere. 

He loved Monaco, he lived in Monaco, of course it was no surprise he was there that weekend.

You found yourself jogging past his flat the Thursday before the race, and you didn’t do it on purpose but it was the same route you had taken all of those times you had spent days on end at Daniel’s. Sometime he joined you for those morning runs, sometime you’d return and he was making breakfast.

But you came to a stop on the opposite side of the street and stared up at it, recognising his balcony instantly. You saw the plant in the corner that you had given him a few months into your relationship and despite him claiming he wasn’t a plant guy, he managed to keep it alive.

Your heart felt heavy. All you wanted was to knock on his door and be welcomed in with wide arms and that stupid smile of his. You wanted to not feel anxious when you saw him in the paddock. You wanted to not be holding your breath every time you got out of the racecar, wondering what Daniel thought of your run. 

You were simultaneously on edge at all moments while also still dying to make him proud. You didn’t think that would ever go away.

Even during the weekends he wasn’t there, you were looking over your shoulder constantly. Even if you knew that he was on the other side of the world, he was still on your mind. He haunted your thoughts from the moment you walked into the garage to when you got out of the car at the end of the race weekend.

Lando called you out on it that Thursday in Silverstone.

“You’re in your head,” he told you, seeing how your main focus wasn’t racing, it was Daniel. You were unsure what he was referring to though and Lando just rolled his eyes, “Well actually, Daniel’s in your head. And he’s keeping you from being the driver I know you can be.”

That was all he said on the topic. 

And he was right.

You were so worried about Daniel. About what he would think of your races. About trying to avoid him during the weekends he was there. About still trying to make him proud but not too proud where he resented you more for taking his seat. About the hundreds of scenarios that could have happened if you had made a different choice.

Because of all of these thoughts, that seat at McLaren was still very much Daniel’s. You allowed it to be.

You needed to stop telling yourself you took his seat because that’s what it would always be then, his seat. Lando stood up, patting your knee after dropping those few words and you decided right then and there that it was your seat. 

You wouldn’t let Daniel haunt you anymore. 

And qualifying was where this new mentality really showed. 

You were buzzing with energy when your engineer told you that you had gotten P3 and were starting on the second row for tomorrows race. You climbed out of the car in parc ferme and ran directly to Lando. He hugged you, he was proud of you. 

“That’s the driver we all know,” Lando said when he pulled his helmet off. His hand was on your shoulder, both of you were wearing identical smiles of pure joy. “Where the hell has she been all this time?”

You didn’t even have an answer, too excited about what this meant for you, for the team. You post-quali interviews went by in a blur, your hands were shaking the entire time. You blacked out during it, still trying to process the fact that you had finished third in qualifying, but you did remember Lando reaching over at one point and dropping his hand to your knee. It was polite, it didn’t mean anything more than a playful stop shaking you’re making us all look bad, but god did the media run with it. 

You didn’t let anything on social media get to you, telling yourself that you had to stay focused for the race. In fact you even gave your phone to your trainer, Oliver, asking him to take it for the night and to just wake you up in the morning.

And Oliver was a good trainer, he had also become a good friend since you joined McLaren so you trusted him with your phone. 

Which meant he knew your password. 

So when he saw your phone light up that night with a text from Daniel, Oliver panicked. He knew the right thing to do would be to just leave it alone, you’d see it in the morning. You’d see the message. The short but seemingly sweet;

P3, nice job

But a text like that would send you spiralling and you didn't need that before one of the most important races of the season for you, Oliver knew this. He knew you were supposed to be getting over Daniel, he knew how much the Australian just being in the paddock messed with your mind. He knew you had to focus on racing.

There was so much uncertainty with the text. Was this him extending an olive branch? Was he genuine, or was this supposed to be taken with a bit of salt? Oliver could read it both ways. Either Daniel was truly happy for you, or this could be dripping with sarcasm. P3, sure, but remember who’s seat you’re in.

Oliver decided to delete the text. There was no trace of it when he handed the phone back to you the next day. 

Maybe that was for the best, no one knew. 

All you knew was you were starting third today.

All Daniel knew was you had ignored him, and now you were walking right past him down the paddock, side by side with Lando as you talked about today’s race. Daniel turned his head and saw the two of you, drawing his own conclusions. 

Whatever was going through his mind, one thing seemed certain. You didn’t need him anymore. You had the seat, the team, someone new supporting you, why would you still need Daniel?

You went about your day, the same pre-race rituals. Lando checked in more than normal, it was an exciting day for both of you, but he knew he was also a good distraction to keep your mind off of Daniel, he knew you would be struggling to keep from thinking about him. 

“It’s you and me,” Lando told you right before the race. “It’s our day, yeah? We’ve got this.”

Lando was in your corner. You were in his. 

Which meant you were there to celebrate after the race when he took home second place. You had claimed fourth, which was also something to be proud of, and you were, but you were also craving that podium. You could almost taste it, it was so close. 

“Next time,” Lando assured you, having full confidence that you’d be holding the trophy at the following race. He handed you a bottle of champagne, telling you to drink up and enjoy and for once, you did. 

You were happy. You finally felt like you could accomplish something amazing at McLaren, despite the horrible start. Lando had gotten a podium, yours was coming, you could feel it. 

You didn’t think about Daniel at all that night. It was the first night in a long time where you didn’t see his face when you closed your eyes. 

And you would have loved to keep celebrating after that night, to keep the high of Lando's podium and your 4th place finish last until the next race, but all good things must come to an end. 

You stood in front of Lando now, unsure how to take the news about Daniels’ return. Were you allowed to be happy for him? Of course you wanted to see him in a seat, this was the ideal situation, both of you driving this season. What would this mean for the two of you moving forward?

But he had done the exact same thing you had done by replacing a driver before their contract was up.

Daniel made you feel awful about that decision and now here he was, making the exact same one. He was no better than you. He was no hero, he wasn’t the good guy. He was a driver, desperate for a seat, as were you. As was every single person wanting to race in this series. 

You were on the same playing field now.

He was going to be at every single race for the rest of the season, as a competitor on the grid. Something you once dreamt of, both of you dreamt of, was finally coming true. 

But that’s all he would be. A competitor. Another driver. Another car to overtake. You always thought that when this moment came, you’d still be a team when you left the track at the end of the day and that just wasn’t the reality you found yourself in. 

“He’s back,” Lando said, hands shoved in his pockets trying to gauge your reaction. 

Daniel was returning to Formula 1, but you knew he was never actually gone in the first place.

He was in your thoughts, your dreams, your memories, he was everywhere all of the time. Even when you crossed the finish line in Silverstone, there was still a part of you that was wondering if Daniel was watching. As much as you tried to avoid him, your eyes still scanned every single crowd for him.

And now you didn’t need to look anymore. 

part 3 gone

----

taglist: @yunnie-f1 @torossosebs @whatthefuckerr @jspitwall @oconso @tsarinablogs @landowecanbewc @somanyfandomsbruh @christianpulisic10 @storminacloud @sunnytkm23 @formula1mount @azxulaa @icarus-nex @spideyspeaches if i forgot someone im so sorry

[anomaliex]

All of the bad kids have darkvision (even Kristen, not bc of race but twilight domain clerics get like crazy darkvision??) which is neat to me.

Idk, it definitely opens opportunities for strategically taking away major light sources in battle and makes stealthing at night easier and means travel through dark caves or forests during adventures isn't as dangerous as it might be for other parties (oh. Did it help with the Night Yorb?) etc etc, but it can also just be silly I guess. It's getting late at a sleepover but they never turn on the lights and they draw on Gorgug's face after he fell asleep but most of them see in grey tones in the dark but they kinda. Forgot. And now the colours are all wrong :(

I've also seen someone say yeah Gukgak apartment almost always dark and just. Yeah. Lights out unless it's really late and they have a non dark vision guest (rare). I think there are times where Fabian gets up at the ass crack of dawn because he has to fix his hair and he just does it in the dark so no one can tell he takes that long. I think the Mordred Manor gang in a super busy week if they're stressed with school/work will set the table and sit down to eat and almost not notice it's so dark for no reason until someone goes hey my food looks kinda dull that's weird. (Assuming Jawbone has dark vision. Which he should lol. Shifters do and that's what he should count as I think??) Also all of these scenarios I'm assuming it's like winter and it's dark out for longer so dim natural lighting at best.

Oh also something something Bad Kids ultimate hide and seek dude. In weird dark caves or mines during their (not world saving but just part of school) adventures because they goof off sometimes. Riz is always hidden the longest for very very obvious reasons and he also finds everyone the fastest for equally obvious reasons (if he uses investigation rather than perception, which I think is fair even if you'd typically do perception vs stealth because it is hide and seek, then after junior year all of his friends mechanically fully just. would not be able to hide from him* without a critical success ((and raw you can't crit on skill checks lmao but in the world of Spyre you can)) and this is really funny to me) but hey technically this is awesome exercise for a rogue to keep his mind sharp during downtime this is in middle school intro to adventuring books for sure. Maybe they rule it so that Riz wins if he finds them on a very small time limit so it's actually a challenge.

Idk idk I think it's fun if people consider stuff like darkvision in fics I want darkvision that'd be so convenient

*for clarification if you're reading this without having their stats memorised like some loser it's like. Riz's investigation is +14. He has reliable talent. The worst he can fucking get is a 24. Not to mention passive investigation is a thing that they've used (when Riz being in a room auto revealed the curse artefacts that one time) so it's kinda established that he wouldn't even have to "roll". Which in universe would mean he wouldn't even have to make an active effort I guess?

None of the bad kids (other than Riz ofc) are proficient in stealth and therefore none of them could beat a 24 with stealth without critting lmao. Fabian, with his maxed out dexterity, can match it on a 19. So if Fabian rolled as high as possible without critting and Riz rolled as bad as he can does Fabian have a slither of a chance? The ruling on what happens when you tie on contested checks is kind of weird because "oh the situation doesn't change" which is obvious with like, contested athletics but in cases like these it's less intuitive. What does not changing mean when it's hiding vs searching?? Does it mean the hiding person stays hidden? Or would this be less of a contested check since they don't happen at the exact same time and more of a hider sets the dc for seeker. In which case Riz would auto succeed because you just have to meet dcs to beat them. I am thinking too much about the mechanics of some (probably drunk) teenagers playing hide and seek. As I'm typing this I'm remembering that he wouldn't have to roll to meet a 24 because yeah passive investigation of a maniac (affectionately). Yeah okay he would just notice even Fabian in all cases but the case of a critical success.

Here I note that I don't put it past Fig to acquire Pass Without Trace (magical secrets) just to gain a chance at beating Riz in hide and seek. She'd fucking do it. She goes to visit her wood elf relatives to get pointers and all. Wow this derailed this was about darkvision at first.

[itsa-not-me]

@nightunite you’ve cursed me with this. I gotta get this out of my system stat.

I’m just…I’m sorry

CW; threesome, anal play, rimming, oral, anal sex, vaginal sex, cum eating, more loss of my sanity

Johnny’s always one to come up with funny plot ideas for his videos for the holidays. He’s seen all the serious ones or the ones where it’s maybe some throw away line about step siblings or being short on cash for the pizza guy, growing up. And he likes the serious and the cliche shoots, he likes sex, but the silly shoots? Oh those are great.

He personally thinks he’s outdone himself this year. He’s gotten Simon to agree to wear these honestly hideous green fuzzy boxers, and for himself he helped costumes make a headband with puppy dog ears and a single antler attached between them. (Theres even a tail that Johnny wears, Simon only agreed to the boxers because Johnny let Simon finger his ass until he was crying to loosen him up for the tail plug)

And then that left you, the present in the middle. You’re new to the company, just signed on a couple months ago and you like how nice everyone’s been, and how transparent they are about health statuses, the use of birth control, boundaries.

You’re excited for the shoot. Even laughed when you saw the truly ridiculous or sparse costumes your costars have on (Johnnys only wearing the headband and tails). It’s not like you’re much better, you got a single ribbon wrapped around your neck, tied up in a pretty bow in the back, and not much else. Simon does help you put on nipple covers, since the boys are strapping you down to a collapsible cube doggy style, and he says that he knows from experience that the hard top can chafe the nipples.

Everyone goes over the stoplight system, what your personal safeword is, and what to do if you can’t speak for whatever reason and you need it to stop (there’s a loud buzzer button placed in your hand to squeeze if its too much). Once you’re set and everyone is good to go it’s show time.

As soon as the director shouts action, you can feel Johnny diving into your ass, mouth and tongue working to prepare you for the plug you’d agreed to. You’re not left alone long enough to sink into the feeling without distraction. Simon’s coming up to you, cock already out through the front fold of the awful green boxers and hard. He slides his fingers into your hair to hold it firm at the base, the way you had showed him you liked it earlier, and you can’t help but moan at the pleasant ache.

Simon’s ordering you to stick your tongue out, tapping the head of his cock against it when you do. It gives you the barest taste of his pre, really it’s just a tease, and you look up at him with pleading eyes, only he’s looking at Johnny behind you. They must have some silent conversation because Simon is rocking the head of his cock along your tongue, something that keeps you both a little on edge as you hear and feel Johnny spit on your asshole.

Before you can whine to have a little more, Simon’s pushing into your mouth just as it feels like Johnny is pushing a finger in. Your moan is cut off as you choke on Simon, throat squeezing around the head of his cock, while your ass squeezes around Johnnys fingers.

Even if it’s something you’ve discussed already, Simon still pulls back enough to check in, asking if everything is green only for you to nod eagerly, sighing as you tell them both you can take more. So they give you more.

Simon takes his time to enjoy fucking your throat, pushing deep enough that your nose is buried in the fake fur and your drool is matting it. Johnny on the other hand, seems to want to see how fast he can pull you apart. He’s making sure that you’re prepped properly, doesn’t want to hurt you, but he’s making it a mess of spit and lube, fucking your ass with three of his big fingers only to pull them out and see how you gap just a little.

He can also see how your cunt is getting wet, pretty folds seemingly begging for attention. He wants to spit on your pussy, see if it clenches the same as your ass did, but he knows he has to wait for it, doesn’t want to risk cross contamination. Instead when he has three fingers hooked into your ass with one hand, he takes his cock in the other and starts to rub the head of it through your folds, letting it catch at your weeping hole, but ultimately going to focus on your clit.

And you must feel good because the way you’re moaning and swallowing around Simon’s cock has him moaning, grip tight in your hair as he starts to fuck your face. You just take it all so beautifully. At one point he pauses to just push as deep into your throat as possible, counting to five slowly so you don’t panic before pulling out to let you take a breath. He does that over and over again until he finds himself on the edge and he has to pull out entirely, telling Johnny to put the plug in.

He holds your gaze, wiping away stray tears and ignoring the way his cock bobs in front of you like it’s begging for attention again. He enjoys the way your eyes flutter as the anal plug gets pushed it. It makes you look cute along with your flushed face. Once it’s in Simon gives Johnny a nod to go and wash his hands and mouth. He keeps a hand on you as he moves around to your backside and oh don’t you look like a pretty gift for them.

The plug’s base is decorated with fake mistletoe, so it looks like it’s hanging above your cunt, and boy does it look like she’s begging for a kiss. He can see your clit is already plump and shiny from Johnny coating it with his precum. And you’re soaked, so much that you’re dripping down your thighs.

The man can’t ignore a holiday tradition can he?

The way he kisses your pussy is nasty, tongue starting at your clit and dragging all the way to shove into your hole once, then twice. He knows it feels good, even if he couldn’t hear the way you’re moaning he’d be able to feel how you clamp down on his tongue.

But he really isn’t suppose to be in the holiday cheer is he?

So he pulls back to your disappointed moans, mouth already coated in your slick. He tries to hush you, says that you’ll be getting your presents soon enough, but you still beg him to fill you, to fuck you. Simon tsks you, but he says he’ll be generous at least. You think it means he’ll give you his fingers, or maybe his mouth again. Instead you feel as Simon pushes a toy into you, the low vibrations already making your toes curl. Where Johnny found a candy cane themed vibrator Simon will never know, but he’s enjoying the insight of it all. Because it’s such a cute look, ass full of mistletoe and cunt full of a thick faux peppermint stick.

So Simon goes about torturing you with the vibrator as you both wait for Johnny. Sometimes he’ll fuck you fast and hard but with the vibrations on low, other times it’s slow and gentle, but the vibrations are clicked to max.

That’s what Johnny walks back into, Simon slowly circling the vibrator in you while it’s set to max, making you cry and beg to cum. Simon just gives Johnny a smirk when he comes back to lick your slick that’s still on Simon’s face.

You don’t expect Johnny to be the one asking if you’ve been a good girl this year coming into your line of sight as he walks around to your head. He almost coos at how teary and pleading you are when you tell him you have. He pets your hair, moving it out of the way before telling you that maybe you should do a little more to prove you’re on the nice list. And that’s how you’re sucking and swallowing Johnnys cock like your orgasm depends on it.

You must be doing good because suddenly Simon is fucking you with the vibrator, fast, hard, and with the vibrations set to the highest setting. Johnny doesn’t even pull out of your throat entirely when you cum screaming, just pulling back enough so you can get some air.

But it’s not like you’re giving any reprieve though because what feels like seconds into your orgasm Simon is forcing his cock into your pussy and fucking you through it and into the next one.

And you’re held like that, Johnny fucking your throat while Simon does his best to ensure you’re not walking straight for the next 24 hours. It’s absolute bliss even if you feel like you can’t tell up from down. After a while Johnny pulls out, letting everyone hear Simon fuck the voice out of you. You have no idea what he’s doing, but suddenly the front of the cube is being lowered, arms stretched out and tied up above your head so you’re in a wicked but not uncomfortable curve downward.

Simon enjoys the view even more once Johnny has you all set up, arms tied in the same pretty ribbon around your neck. He lets himself enjoy the feeling of your cunt wrapped around his cock and squeezing like it’s begging for every last drop. He asks if you’re ready for your gift and you practically please for him to give it to you. How could he deny you?

He waits until Johnny is back at his side before fucking into you with short hard thrusts before a deep grind as he cums deep inside your pussy. You moan at the warm feeling filling your tummy, but the boys moan at the view of Simon pulling out of you, cum spilling every time your poor used hole clenches.

Simon doesn’t even have to tell Johnny to do anything before he’s diving into your pussy, already licking up the cum that’s dripped down onto your clit, before going straight to the source. The attention makes you whine but you don’t tap out, because it feels so good to be at their mercy and to let Johnny feats on your pussy like it’s his last meal. And Johnny is savoring it. He is. The taste of you and Simon mixing on his tongue is divine. But he’s also so excited for what comes next his cock is dropping on the floor.

Johnny isn’t inconsiderate though, he makes sure you get a few good orgasms as he eats you out, making your pussy clean with his spit. Then he’s onto his prize. He’s at least gentle as he starts to lightly push and pull on the plug, gently fucking your ass with it as he asks if you’re still green. He doesn’t hear the answer, but don’t worry, Simon’s there. He’s pressed up tight to Johnny, pumping his cock with a lubed hand as you slur you’re green, that you’re still good.

With a dark chuckle Simon is grabbing the plug with Johnny, the two of them starting to pull the plug further out of you after pushing it in. It’s a delicious kind of torture until it comes out with a pop, leaving your ass to gap a little, and really it’s an invitation for both men to spit on you.

You’re not left empty for long, the plug being replaced with Johnny’s cock. He’s so gentle with it to, slowly giving you more and more of his cock with every thrust. The lube that Simon pours directly onto the two of you is a little cool but that’s because Simon’s a little mean and he likes the little gasp you give.

Soon Johnny’s fucking you in long smooth strokes and it feels heavenly. You’re warm and when you squeeze down on him it sends a zing of pleasure up his spine.

And then Simon starts pulling at his own plug and he knows it’s going to feel better. He moans when the plug gets pulled out, giving you a hard thrust that makes you whimper a little before he’s murmuring apologies.

That all goes out the window when Simon starts to thrust hard into him the way he likes it though. He almost pulls himself out of you with how desperate he pushes back to get Simon as deep into his guts as possible. It’s only the other man’s grip on his hips that keep him from doing so. Simon uses Johnny as a toy to fuck you with for a few moments, pushing the man into you before pulling him back onto his own cock. He only chuckles when Johnny whines for more, telling the man he’s gotta do the work then.

So Johnny puts in the work. He’s practically going cross eyed from how good it feels to fuck into someone and to be fucked into. You can’t even talk because the feeling of both men fucking you is sending you to a new state of being. You don’t even realize you’re cumming from the feeling, it’s all just one big pleasure ride.

Johnny can tell though, and again it’s Simon that’s forcing his hips as deep into you as possible to make sure Johnny’s cum isn’t escaping you…yet. In fact it’s Johnny’s turn to lose his mind as Simon keeps him buried in you, fucking him until Johnny is hard and thrusting into you, only to be forced to cum into you again. It’s a cycle that gets repeated until Johnny’s drooling and you’re now also dripping onto the floor.

Finally Simon’s deemed you full of enough cum, and it’s knowing that you’re both a fucked out mess that sends Simon over the edge, fucking his cum as deep into Johnny as he can. After a few seconds he starts to shuffle both him and Johnny back, for him to finally slip out of you. And for the cum to start dripping without Johnny’s cock to plug you full.

Sliding his fingers into Johnny’s mohawk, he forces the man face first back into your ass, telling him to clean up the mess he’s made. Johnny’s happy to comply, and it’s only once he’s into it does Simon pull out of him, letting the camera get the view of his own cum starting to drop out of Johnny.

Edit;

This is the second version cause tumblr ate the first when i tried to post it.

[hollow-lime-green]

Fanfic Writer Interview

This looks fun!

How many works do you have on AO3?

55!

Which is not what is listed lol. This is maybe a good time to mention that I actually have a side PWP AO3 although I haven't used it in a while, and haven't written any PWP for JJK. So only go check it out if you like FE3H rarepairs or Hades, I guess.

And if you do the math between my two accounts, you still won't get up to 55 because a few of those are actually posted anon. I did some kinkmeme fills for the FE3H fandom and while I'm not ashamed of the content lol, I did those as more of a writing reset thing and they're not as edited/polished as I would like? So I just don't want them under my real accounts.

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

So first, just, full disclaimer - kudos is not a good stats metric to judge your fics. Kudos amount is not sensitive to quality, it is sensitive to fandom size, fic type (pwp vs plot-driven, oneshot vs multichapter, au vs canon), rating, and length. Please god do not ever judge based on flat kudos.

A better metric (which by the way you should still not care about metric when you do Enjoyable Hobbies) is hit:kudos ratio, which I find is almost always around 10:1. If I want to see how well a oneshot does, that's a good metric. Repeat readers can't give repeat kudos, so that metric is useless for multichapters.

Anyway this is why it's good to comment on the fics that you like - the nice words people say to you are infinitely more valuable and better than numbers. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

A Real Breakthrough - Arcane Jayvik, PWP, 4.3k Set in S1 Act 1 (so no spoilers for S2)

Yeah so this is my most kudosed fic and it is not even close. I love this fic, I snapped with this fic, however it is also the only thing I have ever written for Arcane so it's like this one massive outlier on my AO3.

2. it's not gay unless the domains touch - JJK Stsg 40k

It's a little surprising to me that this one has so many more kudos than 2sorcs, but that has more to do with a.) if you like 2sorcs you'll go back and read domains, whereas you may read domains and not go on to 2sorcs and b.) fandom life cycle and when domains was coming out vs 2sorcs coming out after JJK ended

3. Bend the Knee - Hades Thesterius PWP 3.6k

Ahahahaha i forgot about this fic, I did snap with it though. I will play Hades 2 when it actually full releases and then I'll probably be insufferable. Hades fandom was very very fun and friendly, especially the Thesterius subsection. It may have been the nicest and most accepting fandom I've been in.

4. two sorcerers chillin' in a hot tub (five feet apart cause they're not gay) - JJK Stsg 115k

she's up there! she's on the board!

5. The Torment of Stillness - Hades Charmes PWP 4.4k

good for her, I didn't realize this fic had done so well

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i really try to respond to all my comments, or if someone writes a bunch I'll respond to them as a group. I struggle to write comments myself, even when I absolutely love a fic, so to me it's no small thing when people take the time to comment, and responding is a way I can say 'thank you' and 'hi yes i am a real person and your effort has made me tangibly happy'. plus like, we're all doing this for community, and community only happens when we actually talk to each other. interaction is the life blood of fandom, and it's how you make friends :)

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

weelllll I don't really write sad endings tbh. and maybe that's giving away the game a little bit with FIYM but I promise it's gonna be a tough road to the happy ending there. so if i had to pick one, it would be a Satoru POV piece but it almost doesn't count to me because those aren't exactly 'endings'. for that, I'd probably say the uncertainty principle (JJK STSG 1.4k) is the angstiest. it's also not really a plot story, so not really an ending, but I think 'angstiest character study' still counts.

by my definitions though, I am going to nominate Swan Song (FE3H Balthuri, 9.4k) This one is more full bore angst, although I think the ending is... optimistic? I really like this fic, although it is for a tiny tiny niche ship.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

uuuuuuuhhhhhhhh. how do you even measure happy? also i don't have a lot of longfics with 'endings' because i'm a piece of shit with abandoned wips (i am so sorry FE3H)

I'm going to say Limitless (Hades Patrochilles, 1.1k)? It's not a lot of plot to be ending but I think it's probably the most feel good? Second nomination to Condemned (Hades Thesterius, 7.5k) which has a little more plot.

Do you write crossovers?

not exactly. I write AUs, but I don't generally cross characters over, which I feel like is more of what 'crossover' entails. No hate, just not something I feel particularly compelled to do.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

nope. literally never. it is extremely rare on AO3 (in my experience) unless you are dealing a Really Big Ship and you run into people with extreme T/B or characterization preferences. I have seen friends get hate, esp in Big Ships in the FE3H community, so I know it is a real thing that exists, but I have fully dodged it.

the closest thing I've ever gotten is someone being like "ew, you wrote Ares/Dionysus?? that's incest!"

but all you can do with that is laugh, because... my brother in christ, do you know Greek canon?

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yep. lots. I don't know what 'what kind' means, but I write all kinds. with and without plots, with and without inhuman genitalia, with and without consent.

i currently only have mlm and mlmonster posted, but i have written (and not been happy enough to post) wlw and het. hopefully that eventually changes, because I do feel bad that I don't have more equal opportunity smut out there. women are great we love women. i just don't feel like I write wl well enough yet.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have had someone ask, i don't know if they ever posted, it is still an extremely high compliment and it makes me smile that someone even wanted to do it.

i have had a fic recorded, which is definitely my peak (The Prince of Roses, FE3H Ashedue Sleeping Beauty AU 1k/6min). that was so cool. podficcers are very cool, they are doing god's work, and I would totally do it if I didn't hate my voice.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, and I think I would be a nightmare to work with, because I am very particular about everything.

however, i love love love collabing with artists and I have done that several times. and I would love to do more!

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

FE3H Balthuri. It's so niche but it's so good. Balthus has a lot of depth to him if you look past the surface. And Yuri's backstory is an incoherent, impossible spaghetti bowl caused by the creative team not being able to say no to any single idea. love them.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

The Lion of Kupala - Balthuri Canon Divergent AU 30k Political Intrigue

i think my plot ideas for this fic were very interesting, but the amount of effort I put into the atmosphere building and stuff was burning me out compared to the size of the community. and I would expect the fandom for this ship is basically dead these days so if I did go back to it, it would be a pretty solitary labor of love. I am unlikely to finish my Ashedue fics either, but I am significantly more likely to finish those because there's more potential that people might cheer me on and help me get to the finish line for that ship.

What are your writing strengths?

comedy, apparently! i didn't really write comedy until JJK, so that was kind of a surprise.

i would probably say characterization too. different reads on characters are (or, can be) equally valid because you're working with limited text. I think the key is staying consistent.

i'm very good at dialogue matching if there is a good enough sample size to draw from, which I don't think there is for lots of manga. i don't think my dialogue matching is good for JJK, especially with the translation from JP making some of the ENG sound unnatural in the actual manga. but I think for my other fandoms, I did pretty good

What are your writing weaknesses?

action for sure. and people are very nice to me about my action scenes, but they are for sure the hardest pieces for me to write and they take a long time for me to conceptualize and wrangle into coherent words.

these days, atmosphere has been a weakness too, I think. i used to really focus on that in my writing, but it has been more fun to be a little more dialogue and plot driven vs super rich moments. that's part of why I burned out on some of my FE3H fics. it takes a lot of mental energy for me in the writing process to constantly check in on scene setting/atmosphere.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

clarity is the most important thing - your reader should understand what you are saying and be drawn into the context of the world. sometimes writing dialogue in other languages adds, sometimes it subtracts. does the character understand that language? if so, they should hear it in the reader's language so that is understood. if they don't, then it should be given outside of the reader's language. and in that case, you should always have your specific translation in the end notes (if you want the reader (not the character) to know what was said), or you lose some clarity/intent.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Chainsaw Man.

when i started FIYM, the other Big Project I was looking at was a multipart 'X Lives and Here's Exactly How it Could Work in Canon". but i didn't find the ship very compelling and it takes a lot for me to write gen because I find the community is better/more active for ship fics. so we went with FIYM even though my idea was less fleshed out (narrator: that would soon change).

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

string theory (JJK, stsg, E, 17.4k)

which is funny because it's the only piece of FIYM that was totally unscreened by betas, it took the least time to write (proportionally), and I wrote it when I was probably at my lowest with anxiety, sleep deprivation, and stress.

actually right before I started therapy lol.

'tortured artists' or something like that

Ty for the tag @marichild <3 Tagging: @detta-pica @fireflywitch @ anyone else who wants to do it :))

[deadend-if]

This is just to give you guys a better idea about the game!

Where is this taking place?

The MC, A, and S will start in the city they live in together. M will also be there, but you won't meet K until Chapter One starts (sorry). Once Chapter One starts the rest of the game will be in the underworld!

The underworld? Which one?

Great question!!! All of them!!! I have taken my inspiration from... so many things. I'm sure there is a depiction out there similar to mine, nothing is original or something? It will get explained in the game but it can't hurt to give a little summary of it! The underworld is surprisingly easy to reach if you know where to look. The old doors are deep within catacombs and cave systems, but in the modern world, it becomes a problem to bring massive amounts of souls down twisting tunnels and tight passageways. So, when the subway system was implemented in big cities around the world, the denizens of the dead decided it worked for them, too. The underworld became the city of the dead, built with skyscrapers that reach toward no sky, and streetlights that have no stars to outshine. At the lowest level, souls are in turmoil, writhing in memories of people and tasks they left behind. The highest point is occupied by misty, formless wisps who have left behind everything they knew and loved to seek an audience with the Council of Rot. It's a crooked city of souls that linger on the cusp of something new, or something old. Hardly anyone knows what happens after the dead are done being, well, dead.

What kind of customization will the MC have?

You'll be able to choose your name, pronouns, gender identity (trans or not), hair color and length, eye color, height, college major, room/apartment decoration/general style, and smaller details like tattoos, freckles, glasses, etc. MC will also have different job options, though limited, along with some choices on their backstory, mostly focused on death and family dynamics. You can choose why S has a rivalry with MC, one-sided or not. I am also adding a childhood pet choice! And if you ever have an idea on something small to add to the customization feel free to let me know! I'll do my best to accommodate it, but I'm still not great with twine lol...

What are the non-customizable features of MC?

There will be limited choices for your background, job, and rivalry, but I'm hoping to leave a lot of options on the table for your MCs. That being said, your MC will always have a neutral-to-good relationship with A and a neutral-to-bad relationship with S at the beginning of the story. You will also have a set age (27) for various reasons. There might be more later, but I want to keep a lot of options on the table for you guys. The ending may seem a bit rail-roady (I don't know 100% yet) so I want to leave a lot of wiggle room for other things.

Personality Stats? Skill checks?

Yeah, so there won't really be "skill checks" in the typical sense, whoops. This story will have personality choices and some other variables that will change the game, but there won't be any failing/passing checks or rolling dice. MC's personality stats will affect flavor text and it will be the classic types like stoic, cheerful, shy, bold, etc. Your most game-changing stats are going to be MC's feelings on death and attachment to living. You determine A's fate, and maybe everyone else's, too. Who knows? :)

On the topic of NSFW and RO asks

The main reason I'm not including NSFW in this IF is because I genuinely don't think it would fit well in the plot at any point. That plus the fact that I, myself, am asexual... I don't think I could even begin to do it justice lol. It would be just... cringe guys, you wouldn't even want it. I can't really say anything though, I'm writing romance while also aromantic :/ I intend to keep this blog and the story away from anything NSFW. While I, personally, don't care about those asks, I want to create a space without NSFW topics. I'm also wary of people asking NSFW questions about asexual characters (Mortimer/A). Romance/SFW asks/scenarios/prompts about worldbuilding or ROs are totally fine, and I will be sososo happy to answer them.

Updates and Timeframe

Guys... I hate to break it to you... but I may be slow on the updates (shocking, I know). I want to write as much as I can, but I am also a college student writing this on a whim. I love this story, I've been thinking about it and scribbling ideas for it for about 2 years now. I don't want to abandon it, but there may be long stretches of silence sometimes. I WILL say something if it goes on hiatus or goes dark completely, I won't leave you hanging! This story will go through a lot of changes, I change my mind about things all the time, so you may be getting a lot of random updates of me changing (seemingly) unimportant things, sorry in advance. Lowkey might take years to write this :)

This will update with time! :D

[theresattrpgforthat]

Been on a werewolf kick recently. Any recommendations to scratch that itch? Love the blog btw

THEME: Werewolves

Thank you so much! Heck, have I got some werewolves for you!

Wolf Hounds, by Devin Fortman.

Wolf Hounds is a historical fantasy roleplaying game about the Benandanti, a society of werewolves dedicated to protecting their communities from supernatural threats. Uses a lightweight Apocalypse system based on John Harper's World of Dungeons: Turbo.

If you want a more action-based game about werewolves, then I definitely recommend Wolf Hounds. As members of the Benandanti, you play shapeshifters and magic users fleeing the Inquisition while also protecting your local communities from vampires and other supernatural threats. The game feels very similar to Powered by the Apocalypse games, but in specific circumstances, allows you to roll with advantage, or disadvantage, represented by a third dice. You then take the two best or worst results, depending if the situation was advantageous or detrimental.

The creator for this game has also created a campaign sourcebook, called Let Us Prey. There are some very interesting campaign hooks in there, including one in which a young monk has just discovered he is a werewolf - and is being framed for a recent murder. I absolutely recommend that you check it out!

Bite Marks, by Becky Annison / Black Armada.

The Pack is a deeply intimate and close family; like a family, sometimes it is full of love and happiness and sometimes it is brutal and dysfunctional. But love it or hate it, you can’t ignore it – it will shape you. Fearless Alpha, dedicated foot soldier, pacifist scholar or rebellious cub – your relationship with the Pack is the cornerstone of who and what you are.

In Bite Marks you’ll uncover the story of the Pack, exploring the relationships between Packmates, drawing out their loves, rivalries and betrayals. What are the cracks that could shatter the Pack and drown you in hate, and how much stress can those pressure points take before they explode?

PbtA games excel at examining relationships and the relationship of a werewolf pack can be used to explore a number of different kinds of familial relationships. Bite Marks will push your characters together and pull them apart, challenging them to honour or chafe against the role of a pack alpha. If you want gritty interpersonal conflict and collaborative storytelling, this is the game for you.

Howl at the Moon with Friends, by Litza Brown.

This is a TTRPG about catharsis. This game is a power fantasy. It's about running wild and free and facing no consequences and knowing that no roll is a bad roll.

If you want a game full of intimacy and wildness and freedom, this is probably worth checking out. Yet another PbtA game, you are saddled with only two stats, and given full license to go wild and break stuff. Your characters are encouraged to transform, to go berserk, to lash out, and to be really fucking cool. Litza Brownyn has a number of evocative and interesting games in her repertoire, so when I saw her name on this game, I definitely got excited.

Women are Werewolves, by 9th Level Games.

Women are Werewolves is an ENNIE-nominated card-based story game where players portray nonbinary characters in a family where only the women transform into werewolves. Using a beautiful deck of tarot-sized cards containing roleplaying prompts, players explore their relationships to gendered spaces, family customs, and queer and non-queer family members.

As a GM-less game, Women are Werewolves relies on a deck of carts to give your characters prompts. As a group, you’ll decide the setting as well as the level of bigotry you’re willing to explore in play. This is specifically a story about gender and what it means to be non-binary through a werewolf metaphor, so expect more stories about family relationships and less about dramatic transformations. The structure to the game gives you a lot to work with if you’re unfamiliar with this kind of game or these kinds of themes, and I really appreciate that.

Wolfspell, by Dig A Thousand Holes Publishing.

A prophecy told in your youth dictates that only fang and claw will rend your destiny, so you must be reborn as beast. You gather with friends and transmogrify yourselves into wolves and place your destiny in the hands of the dice of Wolf and Blood!

Wolfspell looks like a game of deep emotions and grand action. You are young people burdened with a heavy prophecy, requiring you to take on wolf flesh to fulfill it. How exactly you became a wolf is up to each player. The storytelling is meant to be very collaborative, so I’d recommend picking this game up with folks who don’t mind providing a bit of their own narration as they play. The rules system is, along with a number of other games on this list, PbtA. This means that your characters will be faced with hard choices and mixed results as part of the process of play.

Games I've Recommended In the Past

Lesbian Werewolves on a Beach, by WhatNames

Silversworn, by fret.

[tomfoolies]

selfshiptober: tomja edition days 28-31

WE'RE DONE. 31 DAYS OF TOMJA ALL FINISHED. WHAT?? i can't believe an entire month has passed and i managed to spend pretty much all my evenings writing these little snippets. more thoughts and stats to come later but. have these last 4 fics <3 you're a real champ if you've read even just a few of these along the way and i APPRECIATE IT A LOT!!!

28. brush

He wakes before he really needs to, but instead of going back to sleep he turns to look at her. Last night ended with him curled up by her side, tucked under her arm, but they've drifted apart during the night.

On her side of the bed (it does something to him that they have their sides now) she's curling into herself, almost as if aware of being watched — subconsciously shielding herself from being perceived. Her expression even when asleep is one of focus, bordering on restraint. Taking her time letting her guard down. He can't reprimand her for that.

Before he can think about it, he reaches over to graze her cheek. His touch steady but hesitant, her skin soft and cold from the night. He's being selfish, perhaps, with no consideration for her sleep, but he blames it on finally getting to do something he's wanted to for a long time now.

She rouses slowly at first, then blinks at him, her expression softening when she comes to. Shuffling closer until her forehead touches his chest, she wraps her arm around him. He's certain she can hear the blood rushing through him, feel his heart skip and stumble.

29. pumpkin

Her favourite, the one she uses the most, cultivates it without the fear of ever getting bored of it. Usually said with great fondness and affection, pride for coming up with it in the first place. Occasionally with the possessive determiner, just to make sure everyone knows who she's talking about. That's my Tomfoolery for you.

Trying to keep the moment light, whenever he's feeling particularly stressed or anxious and she's giving him a gentle reality check. But she makes sure to say it sincerely nevertheless, usually with a grounding touch. Hey, Tomathan. It's gonna be fine.

Specific moments with this one; when she wants to compliment him casually, when she's fixing his attire or when she's drunk and feeling playful. Often paired with her favourite touch of affection, a quick pat on his cheek before she reaches up for a kiss. A long, lingering look. Hold still, pretty boy.

These she reserves for those times when the conversation between them has turned otherwise wordless and she knows there's enough space for them. She'll say them sparingly so that they'll feel different. Sighing them into his shoulder, whispering them into his hair. I know, baby. Such a good boy.

30. flowers

On one of those rare days when Tom goes to work before Sonja, she takes her time in the morning. Leaves the dogs to snooze the day away, and instead of her usual ride she decides to take the subway like she always used to. An almost nostalgic reminder of the time before they started dating and her use of New York's public transportation system was far more regular.

It wasn't as exciting as she remembered; loud and lackluster, crowded yet strangely lonely, a great distance between each commuter. She sighs in relief when she gets to step into the Waystar building. The grey dullness and invisible separation continues here, but it feels much more contained, more professional. Something she's accustomed to handling.

When she finally makes it to her desk and sets her bag down with a sigh, she notices it.

A whole bouquet of carnations. Her favourites. She doesn't have to check the little tag to know who they're from.

A simple, bright spot in the mundane. She smiles to herself, glances around; everyone else still lost in their own routine, unaware of these tiny ways the monotone and the jaded feels special, even if just for a moment.

31. halloween 

The beige suit with the double pockets, his stupid white midlife-crisis sneakers, wings of scrappy but soft feathers. Only the halo is missing to complete the look, but she can imagine it easily enough. A little bit crooked most likely, but it'd only add to the atmosphere, the allegory of it all.

She might have a thing for him pretending to be something he's not. Being seen by others the way she sees him when she's got the rose-coloured glasses on, in all its over-romanticized devotion.

Or maybe she just likes seeing him dressed up, in her favourite suit of his. Getting to stand next to him in her devil-horns and maroon outfit. Pretending to not notice the glances from the other quests. Neither of them big on celebrating this particular holiday, but when the opportunity arises...

But things are getting a bit boring. So she hides her invitation for a private meeting in his office from the people around them in a calm, casual whisper. She doesn't miss the familiar yet thrilling flash of desire in his eyes when he catches onto her idea.

She smiles smugly to herself as she leaves him behind with a lingering touch. Eager to get this angel to fall from grace.

[grailfinders]

Grailfinders Viewers' Choice #18: Archetype: Earth

today on Grailfinders we’re building everyone’s favorite funny vampire, Arcueid Brunestud, a.k.a Archetype: Earth. so yeah, all we have to do is make the primal manifestation of the planet who is canonically the most powerful character in Tsukihime in dungeons and dragons.

so obviously she’s a Silverquill Bard to do whatever the hell she wants and to get a free cast of Silvery Barbs constantly, but we also dip into Circle of the Land Druid for even more free spells and some shapeshifting.

check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Race and Background

So, obviously the funny vampire has to be like, a dhampir or something right?

WRONG.

while Arc can suck people’s blood, she chooses not to, so I’d rather not pick a race that’s built around their bites. True Ancestors are naturally occurring beings that come out fully formed, and while they can suck blood, they can also choose not to with enough power. wildly enough, D&D already has a class that fits that description perfectly! hailing from the plane of Kaladesh, put your hands together for the Aetherborn!

most of their stat block is nothing we haven’t seen in other races- some Darkvision here, resistance to necrotic damage from being Born of Aether there, proficiency in Intimidation… the things that set them apart are the optional Gift of the Aetherborn, the previously mentioned bloodsucking which will start an addiction if you use it in-game, and the fact that they get three different stat boosts instead of most races’ two. you get +2 Charisma as well as two +1s in any stats you choose, like Dexterity and Constitution.

we’re also completely throwing out the rulebook on this build by picking up the  Mage of High Sorcery background, giving Arc proficiency in Arcana and History as well as the Initiate of High Sorcery feat she wouldn’t be able to get otherwise. hey look, you’re getting power from the moon! specifically we’re picking the moon Solinari to get Comprehend Languages and Shield. they technically use your Charisma to cast, and you can cast each of them once a day for free, or by using spell slots. you even get Fire Bolt for free too!

Ability Scores

Arc’s highest score is her Charisma. everyone loves Arc. you love Arc. more importantly, Nasu loves Arc. After that is Wisdom. as an embodiment of nature, it would be weird if you didn’t know much about it. Third highest is Constitution. I don’t think a +1 bonus is quite high enough to count for Arc’s nigh-invulnerability, but it’s a start. Your Dexterity is also okay, though I wish it could be higher to deal with fighting in a dress, but we’ll get something to help there later. That means our Strength isn’t great. Obviously it’s supposed to be higher, but DND characters need weaknesses, and this one can get covered by other options later. Finally, we’re dumping Intelligence. Two of your ascensions are completely unaware of the outside world, and we needed wisdom for nature stuff.

Class Levels

1. Bard 1: if you want to be the most powerful vampire, you have to learn the most powerful Spells, which you can cast using your Charisma. right now you can use Friends and Charm Person to make sure everyone loves the funny vampire, as well as Prestidigitation for various general uses, Earth Tremor to tremor some earth like the nature spirit you are, Heroism to boost the offensive power of your allies, and Longstrider to move a bit faster than the average person.

…what? we’re obviously not going to get the most powerful spells at level one. be patient.

you also get Bardic Inspiration, so you can give a d6 to your friends to improve one of their attacks, saves, or skill checks Charisma Modifier times per long rest. plus, starting as a bard you get proficiency in Dexterity and Charisma saves, plus three skills of your choice. Athletics and Acrobatics will help make up for the low scores in physical stats, and Nature just kind of makes sense.

2. Bard 2: second level bards can do whatever they want thanks to being a Jack of All Trades, adding half their proficiency bonus to any skill checks they make without proficiency. you can also sing a Song of Rest during short rests so your party heals 1d6 more if they use hit dice. like every other bard build, I have no excuse for this being here, but so few people heal on short rests anyways, it’s fine. your inspiration also becomes Magical Inspiration, so your allies can now add it to their healing and damage rolls from spells.

you can also Speak with Animals now. that’s a nature thing, probably. don’t worry, the funny vampire stuff will come.

3. Bard 3: At third level you join the college of Silverquill, becoming an Eloquent Apprentice. this gives you a free Sacred Flame, and you get proficiency in Insight and Persuasion. Soon, everyone will love the funny vampire. you can also cast Silvery Barbs. not the spell, but the feature! the only meaningful difference is that the feature doesn’t work on charm-immune creatures.

for anyone who doesn’t know how this works, you can react to any creature succeeding on an attack, check, or save within 60’ of you, and force them to roll another d20 and use the lower roll. if this causes the roll to fail, you can then empower another creature nearby, allowing them to roll another attack, check, or save they make within the next minute. as a feature, you can do this for free once per day, though the use isn’t actually expended until it causes a failure. that being said, the reason we’ll never pick up the spell in this build is because you can still use the feature again and again by spending spell slots. so yes, we now have essentially three extra spell slots, and we’re only at level three.

speaking of spell slots, you have second level slots now, and second level spells to use them with. Aid will add to your total HP as well as that of your allies’ for eight hours after casting.

finally, you get Expertise in two skills, doubling your proficiency bonus with Athletics and Acrobatics respectively. sure, you won’t be great at punching people, but with this and Jack of All Trades, you can more or less cover for having such a low strength score in the first place.

4. Bard 4: at fourth level you get your first Ability Score Improvement, so let’s round up those odd scores with a +1 to Dexterity and Charisma for stronger spells and a higher AC. if you’re really bent out of shape about your weak lil fists you can cast True Strike now to get advantage on your next melee attack. or you can spend your turn doing something actually useful like casting Enhance Ability to further enhance your skill rolls with free advantage for a minute for one kind of ability. intelligence, wisdom, and charisma don’t have anything special, but if you pick strength, you’ll also double your carrying capacity. constitution will give you some temporary HP, and dexterity prevents falling damage.

5. Bard 5: at level five bards get their biggest level yet. your inspiration die becomes a d8 now, and you become a Font of Inspiration, letting you recharge your dice every short rest instead of just long ones. you can grab third level spells now, but I’m going to hold off on that for a level to pick up Shatter. now you can punch really well, and you have a spell that can hit multiple enemies, which should start being useful around now.

6. Bard 6: if you’re going to be a powerful vampire, you need powerful feats, like Countercharm. hah, just kidding, that sucks. Inky Shroud is pretty cool though. you learn Darkness for free, and you can cast it once a day without spending a spell slot. on top of that, casting it for free lets you see through the darkness, and creatures starting their turn there take psychic damage with no save!

you can also manifest your naturey powers with some Plant Growth, which you can cast in two ways. the short-term growth creates difficult terrain in an area, while the long-term version will improve crop yields, if you ever feel like being nice to the NPCs.

7. Bard 7: at seventh level you get a lot more mobile thanks to Dimension Door allowing you to teleport up to 500’ away as an action, and you can even bring a willing friend along for the ride!

8. Bard 8: okay, I’m done with all this boring crap. grab that last Charisma boost from your ASI and learn Polymorph. admittedly this spell is stretching things a little, but you do get compared to Enkidu sometimes, and they can shapeshift out the wazoo. with Polymorph, you can turn yourself or a friend into any beast of a challenge rating equal to or lower than their level, fully replacing their stats and HP.

9. Bard 9: ninth level bards can play a better song of rest, but more importantly they get fifth level spells. with Hold Monster you can now use your rainbow mystic eyes to paralyze any one creature in place if they fail a wisdom save and aren’t undead. you can even use it on multiple targets by upcasting it, though I imagine you’ll have better uses for a ninth level spell slot. (aid, obviously.) this gives your allies advantage on all attacks against the paralyzed enemy, with instant critical damage for melee attacks. you can’t really take advantage of that yet, but give it a hot second.

10. Bard 10: now that a hot second has passed, let’s get down to business. real quick- your inspiration is a d10 now, and you have expertise in Persuasion and Nature (everyone will love that vampire).

you also learn some Magical Secrets, so you can pick up any two spells from any spell list in the game. for your regular cantrip pick up Blade Ward for some more unkillability. then for your secrets, Primal Savagery lets you turn your hands into claws and attack people, dealing acid damage when you hit. since it’s a spell attack, it’ll use your charisma (good) instead of your strength (bad). you can also craft a Wall of Stone. stone is natural, you make nature happen.

11. Druid 1: we’re only bouncing over to druid for a few things, but you do learn some Druidic while you’re there, and you learn even more cantrips. Shillelagh lets you make any staff magical, though it’ll still only use your wisdom to hit. still better than strength. you can also gain Resistance to magic thanks to an extra d4 on your next saving throw, and you can Mold Earth.

most importantly, you gain access to the druid Spell list, one of the most powerful in the game. and I don’t have to tell you exactly what to pick this time since anything that makes something natural is fair game.

your druid and bard spell slots kind of blur together, so check your handbook to see how many spell slots you have at a given time.

12. Druid 2: Second level druids can use a Wild Shape twice a short rest, turning into a beast of cr ¼ or lower as an action. Polymorph is much stronger at this stage, though being able to keep your intelligence and concentrate on another spell can have its uses. you can also use this to turn into Neco-Arc without wasting a fourth level spell slot.

alternatively, you can summon one as your Wild Companion, letting you cast Find Familiar for free instead.

as a druid of the land, you have access to another druid cantrip like gust. wind is natural, and we hadn’t picked it up yet. more importantly, your Natural Recovery lets you recharge spell slots over a short rest, with the total level recovered equal to half your druid level rounded up. yes, we’re taking multiple levels in another class just to get Breath of the Planet. you know I wouldn’t leave you hanging, fans of Breath of the Planet. can I call you breathheads? I’m not sure if that’s a fan nickname or a slur, it sounds a little like both.

13. Druid 3: third level druids get second level spells, and as a land druid you get some extras depending on the kind of nature you’re representing. while the moon may have a lot of seas, the forest circle has spells we actually want. Barkskin will supercharge your AC for a short period of time, while Spider Climb lets you do the classic “crawling up the walls” vampire thing.

14. Bard 11: now that our random detour is over, you get sixth level bard spells like Eyebite. It’s an even better and more literal Rainbow Mystic Eyes skill! each turn for a minute, you can use your action (including the casting action) to force one creature you can see to make a Wisdom save. if they fail, you can force them asleep, into a panic, or make them sickened.

15. Bard 12: using aid to bump up your health is getting less and less feasible at this point, so use this ASI to bump up your Constitution for an extra 15 HP this level.

16. Bard 13: blah blah better song of rest who cares it’s Mirage Arcane time baby! you can now make the millenium castle, as well as just about anything else you’d like, as long as it fits within a square mile of space. it takes ten minutes to cast, but it lasts ten days, and despite being an “illusion”, it even feels real. it also says it can’t change the general shape of the terrain, but then it immediately gives suggestions where it does exactly that, so it might just be poorly written.

17. Bard 14: fourteenth level strixhaven bards are a little weird. most classes get four subclass features, but bards don’t, so we have to pick between two different features this level. that said, Word of Power is obviously the stronger option. whenever your silvery barbs succeeds, the failed creature gets a vulnerability to one damage type for the rest of the round. you can’t capitalize on this, but if your paladin friend got a better initiative than you you can cause some serious damage.

alternatively, you can use your reaction to give a creature resistance to a type of damage they’re taking, with you taking the blocked damage as a psychic hit. boom, third skill done and dusted.

you also get another round of magical secrets, so pick up Haste for some actual super-speed and Wall of Thorns for some more plant growth. the former gives you doubled movement speed and an extra action for dashing, the latter makes a wall of thorny bushes that is 60’ long and 10’ high. creatures in the area upon its creation take piercing damage, and movement through the wall is quartered. moving into or ending a turn in the wall also deals slashing damage.

18. Bard 15: your inspiration grows one last time to a d12, and you can now cast eighth level spells like Glibness. for up to an hour after casting, all your charisma checks can automatically get a 15 on the die. there is no longer any point in resisting. you will like the funny vampire.

19. Bard 16: for our final ASI, we’re picking up a feat! no, we’re not grabbing Tough. instead, pick up Adept of the White Robes to get those fancy outfits you like wearing. thanks to this feat, you can now cast Fortune’s Favor once a day for free, and it’s added to your spell list as well. it takes a minute to cast, but for an hour afterwards the target can end the spell to roll another d20 when they make an attack, check or save, and use either option. this can also be used when someone attacks them. essentially, it’s a use of the lucky feat. things just kind of go Arc’s way. it’s mostly thanks to being the ultimate lifeform, but being the author’s favorite doesn’t hurt. 100 gold per casting is pretty costly, but when you upcast it you can give your whole party pseudo-Lucky, so it’s well worth the price.

you can also make a Protective Ward using your Charisma. when a creature takes damage nearby, you can use your reaction and a spell slot to reduce the damage they take. it’s kind of like Word of Power, but it’ll usually help less, though not having to bean yourself to make it work is nice. your roll the spell slot’s level in d6s, add your charisma modifier, and that’s how much damage it saves. you technically don’t have a use for your ninth level slot yet, but I still think there’s better uses than eating 9d6 damage, probably. but if it’s that or someone disintegrating go nuts.

20. Bard 17: our final level of bard gives you the most powerful bard feature ever made. mankind weeps at its coming… because the improved Song of Rest die is actually really bad. it scales terribly. the ninth level spell is cool though, especially if you pick Foresight. after a minute of cast time, you can spend the next eight hours with future sight, preventing you from ever being surprised. you also get advantage on all attacks, saves, and checks, plus anyone attacking you has disadvantage. it costs nothing, and it doesn’t use concentration. go nuts.

Archetype vs. Arc

normally, this is the part of the post where I post the strengths and weaknesses of the build. but this is a chance to simp for Magical-Biche’s Arcueid build, so instead I’m going to compare the two here and see if Earth can stand up to the original.

for anyone who doesn’t remember, the other Arc is a Vengeance Paladin and a Champion Fighter, as well as a Barbarian for flavor and unarmored defense. assuming they’re fighting one-on-one at level 20 it’s a pretty even match, with Arc showing up with way more HP and a more physical fighting style than Earth. however, Earth’s Foresight pulls a lot of weight to put her back in the lead, especially by giving Arc disadvantage on all attacks and using either shield or silvery barbs to beat back anything that still gets through.

Overall I think Earth would probably eke out a win here, but going up against Arc at any other level isn’t even a question. Arc’s simply way too aggressive for Earth to handle, even if she’s given setup time to cover for all of her bardic squishiness. it’s especially bad considering her most powerful attacking spell a) uses a save, which Arc’s paladin aura defangs handily, and b) deals physical damage, which Arc can resist.

I still think the Earth build is cool, it has a lot more utility than Arc does, but in a straight fight Arc stomps the competition.

[messinwitheddie]

What is tallest Red’s thoughts on being measured? Was Purple with him at the same time? What are the aftercare routine for such a stretch?

I wonder how they can breath with those really tight corsets. I think their organs are crying out for help.😅

How does one move up a rank from a starting point of being a service drone to becoming an advisor?

Since the control brains have new vessel bodies and taken full responsibility of the empire. Where does that leave the tallest? Will there no longer be more of them after Purple’s reign is over?

After Spork was eaten and the whole empire went into lock down, Red was a little surprised that he and Purple were summoned to Jugmentia for a second measuring that time around. Excitement quickly set in. They were locked into their personal quateres (A tiny apartment) on the Viral at the time, as the Massive was not officially launched and inhabitanted yet. There were forty or fifty other drones close to their height, but apparently not close enough.

On Jugmentia all finalist are measured separately. Red was THRILLED when he was informed he measured up to tallest stature. He was ignorant of any real challenges and responsibilities that comes along with being a tallest. He was just excited for the power, luxuries, fame and snacks. He and Purple made a pact to promote the other to a high rank and keep in touch, whichever of them was measured tallest.

He was very upset to find out he would have to fight Purple to the death for the title. The red brain initially refused Red's request to rule as one unit as his plea seemed to be based on pure emotional attachment, but luckily, Purple managed to present a "logical" argument, which was Red and Purple both lacked life experience and in the categories where Red's personal stats were subpar, Purple excelled and vice-versa. Therefore they could rule the empire better as a duo. The control brains reluctantly accepted the argument.

The recovery period and aftercare for the surgical limb/ spinal stretching/ lengthening process is shorter than any drone would care for. Their PAKs pump enough pain killers into their flesh vessels to make it bearable enough for them to live through the lengthening process and the first binding/ adorning of imperial robes. Recovery also involves a lot of deep tissue massages and stretching exercises.

Besides that, being tallest is a pretty sweet deal. Especially if you're a drone that likes power, lounging and attention.

It takes a few months of binding/ wardrobe changing sessions and conditioning before Red and Purple could move normally or feel natural in their formal robes. They looked damn good and tall on their public debut though.

It IS hard for a tallest to breathe in their robes. (head canon) Their spooches are compressed. But again, they always look sharp in public even if prolonged periods of wearing corsets/ hovor belts can cause all kinds of injuries and physical complications. Luckily for Irkens, they can intake small amounts of air through their eyes to compensate.

To become the tallest's personal advisor, you would just have to apply for the job online by sending the red brain your personal stats when he updates the public occupational listings. They're constantly updating, depending on the position, so you just have to keep checking. Many drones don't know this, but even if there are no available positions for a job you would like, you can still submit your stats/ request to be put on a waiting list for first review.

To become an imperial advisor requires jumping through the same hoops you would to earn any occupational promotion. If you have already been encoded as an "unskilled" service drone, your name may be shoved to the bottom of the potential hire list. BUT, it never hurts to apply. The empire has its flaws but at least it's pretty easy to find a job and the option to transfer out for a better one is there, provided you have no criminal record and you apply in time. Unemployment is almost nonexistent there.

If the red brain considers you a possible fit for the job you will be required to take a series of holo-visor tests at your nearest red control brain hub. There may be a number of hours of required VR training too. Sometimes the tallest won't bother, but for a position on the tallest's personal staff*, you may have to attend an in-person, face to face interview with the tallest before the red brain officially hires and encodes you. (*advisor, coordinator, imperial medic, imperial pak technician, personal frylord ect, ect...)

Don't be intimidated about applying if you're short. Tallests actually prefer to keep shorter drones on their personal staff. Surrounding themselves with short drones make them look taller by comparison during live streams.

As for the control brain's next major upgrade, it WILL eliminate the position of almighty tallest. Purple is dethroned/ disgraced and forced to go into hiding.

The Control Brains never intend to measure another tallest after him. They will move about freely and have full control over the empire AND all PAK wearing drones.

(unless a drone's PAK has been altered or modified to stay severed from the control brains telepathic stronghold.)

Their ultimate goal is and has been to recreate the Irken race as a pure hive-mind with unwavering obedience and no room for defective behavior. It was just a matter of expanding the control brains' own mental capacities/ capabilities enough to perpetually process SO much incoming data at once. It took time, but to them, worth the wait. ( Not ALL Irkens are on board with this new regime for obvious reasons.)

[regular-lord-reckoner]

welp, guess who hit burnout again ?!?!

i did !!

primarily because of some bad news i got last week. it's nothing bad bad, it's just some aggravating bullshit i have to deal with (basically i missed some payments for my therapist and i thought it was like...3 or 4, but it's like...8?? the lady that does her payroll is going to look into it because my deductible kicked in somewhere in there, but i don't think for most of it so i'm just annoyed at myself for letting this pile up like this but what can ya do!! thankfully she's been really forgiving and understanding, especially because a lot of these missed payments happened around when my dad died so i do appreciate that and will be making it up to her as soon as i can; i don't see her again until april so hopefully by then i can get a little more caught up

i also broke my favorite mirror and my pipe like a day apart from each other (the pipe i'm not as broken up about because i'm starting a tolerance break soon anyway and the guy i bought it from still makes the same one so we're all good there but the mirror???? the fucking mirror!?!)

okay so this goddamn mirror.

i genuinely don't even know how this happened

i had just put our dog down for his nap (yes, he has a nap time and yes i take care of him like he's my child now.........he's grown on me) and i went upstairs to use my bathroom and get my medicine and i may have accidentally knocked into something on my way there, but i swear i wasn't that close and as soon as i got into the bathroom i just heard a commotion and turned around and my dad's guitar fell over, hit the mirror, the mirror hit ??? and shattered

specifically into two pieces, one kinda small, i could have probably fit it into a cardboard box, but the other piece was too big and i would have had to break it up somehow without getting more glass everywhere and i could already see what looked like glitter all over the carpet so i said fuck that

i ended up having to get two very thick trash bags to bag it up and carefully transport it downstairs and all i could think was, "please don't let this fucking mirror cut through this plastic anymore than it already has (because it had a little) and end up slicing my hand up real bad and then what? i probably have to drive myself to the nearest walk in because no one else is here right now and it would take too long for an ambulance to get out here, plus..........expensive so...be careful!!!"

the whole ordeal ate up an entire hour of my fucking day because i had to just sit and stare at it for about half an hour before i could even clean it up, i just froze

then all the transporting it downstairs and getting it outside with the other trash and texting our family friend who hauls the trash off for all of us to let him know to be careful with it, yeah

it hasn't helped that i've somehow gotten behind on part of my work and my inbox lately has been consistently in the 200+ range and i keep finding all these stat referrals that aren't marked even though everyone literally just got an email the other fucking day to make sure those are marked but nope!! so now i feel pressure to get through as many of them as i can so needless to say my work days lately have been thusly:

i get up at 6:30 am. i do a little work. sometime around 7:30 i go lie back in bed for about an hour before i get up to get the dog up and take him outside and feed him his breakfast.

while he's eating i do the dishes and sometimes will get the trash all gathered up and set out to be taken off. i also feed the cat and check to see if he needs anything, any litter or water or whatever else.

sometimes i'll do some of my own cleaning, like my bathroom or start on my laundry (i think last week i ended up doing everything: sheets, towels, clothes, the dogs blankets and towels)

oh, i also give him a bath now every thursday so he's not stinky and it helps with his skin because his breed is prone to getting these little bumps so weekly baths help with that apparently

we'll go on walks throughout the day, too. usually whenever i take him out to go potty but sometimes if i get an extra bit of free time and the weather is nice we got for a little walk together

in between all of this i try to pop in to get some of my actual work done and on good days i do mange to scoot along pretty well. on bad days it's been kinda like how it's been for the past few weeks and i end up staying up until our records system literally begins to stop communicating with our patient scheduling/demographics system which means i can't do shit anymore. that's usually around 11:30 pm

somewhere in there i eat a few meals slowly over the course of a few hours and often don't even up finishing them because i've gotten the ick or they've gone too cold so i save it for later or just toss it out

i go to sleep usually around midnight or 1 am but again on bad nights it's like...almost 2 am. and then it's back up at 6. or my new favorite...wake up at 5 and then i'm not able to get back to sleep!

doesn't help that whenever i don't get enough sleep my neuromuscular shit gets a lot worse so i spend all day just lightly vibrating with tiredness (quite literally, it's just all day minimal shakes which is fun when all you do is type)

i would just take extra of my medicine but i lowkey got shamed by a pharmacist for refilling my meds too soon so....there's that

the last time i went to refill i didn't have any problems, normally the automated system will tell me, "hey, bitch, you can't refill this yet, slow down!" and so i know to wait a few more days and try again (unless i'm about to be out before then, of course), but that didn't happen, it just told me it would be ready tomorrow so tomorrow i went and evidently it was not eligible to be refilled that soon and it was just the way she was looking at me when she said, "didn't you just have this refilled [whatever the date what]??" which like...yeah, admittedly it was a little sooner than usual but like..........sometimes i just need more of my medicine ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

pretty sure i was doing a lot of physical shit around then so yeah, i probably took more of my pills than normal....i realize i should probably just bite the bullet and contact my neurologist to see if he can up my prescription before my next visit in september where we normally go over that because evi-fuck-ing-dently if i need a little bit more sometimes it's gonna be a whole thing now

and of course, me being me, i'm like...apologetic, just like, "okay, well i can just come back another day, sorry" and she said, "well, we can refill it if you want to wait," which like....................why did you give me grief over it then?! but then when i asked about how long would it be she was like, "i dunno, 20 minutes or you can just come back later," which is hell to tell my autistic ass so i was just like, "uh, i guess i'll come back later..." which she seemed to be glad to be rid of me and likewise, so!

i went and cried in my car for a bit because once again just frustrated that i felt humiliated over that because it wasn't that deep, but it just kinda reminded me of high school and how i purposefully avoided going to the nurse's office to get my medicine because she was such a fucking asshole to me (she was the one who after i asked if my dad could come pick me up because i was sick started grilling me on my condition to which her conclusion was, "so, what, are you going to stay in bed for the rest of your life or something?" with just pure hatred in her voice, i literally didn't have an answer for that. she did not last long as the nurse, surprisingly! she was very unpopular, i can't even imagine the other fucked up shit she probably said to my classmates)

but yeah, just...hey, i need this to literally function. i'm not trying to hurt anyone. i'm not trying to make your job, that i know is already very hard, any harder. i just want my goddamn medicine. i just walked through over-stimulation city and am going to do it twice today (it's costco btw and the pharmacy is alllllll the way in the back), just......please do not give me a hard time about this for the love of god

also, if you're wondering, "gee anna, i'd just switch pharmacies if i were you, that sounds like a lot of hassle!" yes, i have considered that, but you see............my job's got me by the balls on this one. in the past couple of years they've introduced their own pharmacy and technically...........technically i'm supposed to be filling my medicine with them.

there's literally a clause about like, "don't you fucking dare fill [my type of medication] with anyone but us!!" but like......somehow i've managed to make it this far without them noticing??

and costco themselves have just sort of made it work?? because i think my original script was actually for a larger supply, but i guess if i got that filled it would force me to use my work's so costco just fills it to a lesser degree and somehow it flies under the rader. i dunno !!

but !! i've been using them instead of my work because from everything i've heard.....our pharmacy sux !!!!

i won't get into all of it (but like my mom has said some of her medicine with like...clearly what it is with her name and everything on it was left lying out where patients and god and everyone could see it....not great)

they also just make a lot of mistakes and i'm skeptical if they store things correctly so suffice to say there's a lot of reasons i just don't want to deal with it, it's also apparently hard to just...get your meds from them because of how they do things. so i really don't want to make this process any more challenging than what it already is, but yeah. a little bit frustrating, i guess

in addition to.....all of this, i also had got to thinking, "damn, i've been working a lot of 50 hour weeks lately, how long have i been doing this? a few months now?"

i knew it was around the time my dad was dying because i remember quite literally watching him in his hospice bed over the top of my computer to make sure he didn't wake up again and try to take his oxygen off

turns out it's uh....been a year now

right around this time last year i started working 50 hours a week.

granted there were a few weeks, especially at the beginning, where i would work one 50 hour week and then a 44 hour week and then 50 hours again and 40 back and forth like that because i was worried i'd get in trouble but eventually i realized no one way saying anything so eventually (and with a few exceptions, of course) i just started doing one after the other and now i'm here......kiiiiiiiiinda burnt out

which isn't surprising really, when i think about it

i was quite literally experiencing burn out to the point of serious thoughts about not being here anymore and engaging in self harm through my meltdowns so i guess you could say i was a little stressed last year but i pretty much had to try to put it all on pause and just...get to work in so many senses and i know i let a lot of things fall through the cracks. too many probably. but i cannot emphasize enough just how much i was breaking down and how hard it was for me to hold my shit together during that time.

i didn't want anyone to know it had gotten that bad, i felt like a monster and every day it's like i did something else horrendously wrong or said the wrong thing and sometimes i really did and sometimes it was just my warped perception of things and i started to lose the ability to tell the difference and it all just congealed into one big ball of stress

i spent a lot of therapy sessions honestly just bawling my eyes out because of it after which i usually felt better for a little while, but it would slowly build up again and again because i still hadn't figured out what works and what doesn't as far as self-care goes and what even are my needs and god this is all so fucking overwhelming and the spots on my dad's lungs just keep getting worse and he keeps getting weaker and my mom's falling apart and i'm falling apart and everything's falling apart, but not me!! never me, not yet!!

so i just kept going. and still am.

yes, i've had a few breaks and those have helped tremendously. i'm taking another one next month (bet you can't guess which week) and i'm just going to stay here, maybe do some cleaning on my closet and hopefully catch up on sleep

this, so far, is what seems to work

when i feel myself approaching my limit, i shut off essentially. i go into autopilot

i do what i need to get done, get it all done and then crash and recover as much as possible until i reach the next big rest (which is usually just a week at a time but i'll take it !!!) and along the way i just try to pick up different modalities of self-care and prioritizing my health and wellbeing as i go

like today, i managed to sleep in until 11 am. beautiful !! stunning !!

first time i've felt like a human being in ???

i took advantage of this renewed energy to put my efforts into putting together something special for my niece's kids.

unfortunately, their dad's father passed away earlier this week. sudden heart attack, apparently.

the younger one doesn't really have as much attachment to him, i don't think, but the older one is really torn up about this from what her mom has told us

he used to babysit for them a lot so he was a big part of her life. they were actually supposed to get ice cream that day because he promised it to her if she did well on one of her tests and she did but that obviously didn't end up happening

that's two of her grandfathers now she's lost in about 6 months and my heart is just broken for her

her mom said already that sometimes she just bursts into tears out of nowhere and when she asks her, "honey, what's wrong?" she says she misses my dad (which hey.......big same. the sudden crying about it and everything).

his funeral will be on monday which my mom won't be able to go to but said she wanted to still go up there tomorrow just to be with the kids if nothing else to give them some extra comfort

i'm staying behind so i can watch the critters (and because i don't think right now i'm up for all of that honestly) but i did want to send them my love so i took about an hour today to shop for some presents for them

i got them both these really neat stuffed animals (a dinosaur for the younger one because they're her favorite; it roars and lights up and everything) and a bunny that also makes a cute noise and lights up and they're both nice and cuddly since her mom also said right now all the older one wants to do is curl up with her blanket and watch her favorite shows

i also got the younger one some bluey dolls since that's her favorite right now and a little bracelet that looks like one i know she has and loves except this one has a little purple butterfly on it !!

i got her sister a really nice princess crown and this cool lip balm thing with a container that has some of her favorite characters on it so i hope she likes that and i got her a bracelet that's similar to her sister's but it says "don't give up" on it

mom's going to take them the gifts tomorrow so i hope they like them and most of all, i hope they help. i walked up and down the kid's toy aisles so much i think i was making people nervous with me being a single adult just going up and down the aisles constantly but i was really trying to put a lot of thought into what would cheer them up and give them comfort right now

after that i made a few more stops to get me a few little treats even though i probably don't need them, but they made me happy so...there!

i came home, relaxed for a little bit, took the dog for a walk/potty break, fed him his dinner, washed some dishes, took out all the trash, took a shower and i finally ate dinner around 10 pm

so yeah. been....pretty busy lately.

i think part of what's contributing to this particular burnout is that i just feel like i haven't stopped in....ages now. i just keep going and going and going and going

but !!! if nothing else this tells me i really need to step up my skills for dealing with, well, me.

although i reserve the right as a scorpio to close the door to myself for a while and emerge dramatically when i feel rejuvenated, there are...better ways of approaching things, i think, so we're going to work on that

namely i'm going to work on getting more sleep. i think that's one of the biggest contributing factors because i'm just exhausted all of the goddamn time and being exhausted leads me to being on edge all day long (even when i start out the day in an awesome mood sometimes, over time and as i sit there working it's like the life just drains out of me)

so we're going to work on that and we're also going to work on our diet. although processed foods have kept me steady for all these years due to their dependability and extreme convenience, i'm at an age where i really need to be eating a lot more vegetables and actually start cooking most of my meals

going to work on that and eventually the plan is to also start growing some of my own food because another thing too is like.....every goddamn product in the store anymore is owned by some bullshit genocide supporting monopoly entity so like......the less i can contribute to that the better, i figure

i also really hope to get to my closet soon because i know i keep talking about it and it and it's been forever but i just haven't had the capacity for it so it got put on hold but fingers crossed on my break i can at least start to chip away at it

which....speaking of stuff around the house, that's been another thing

it's becoming clear to my mom and i that this house, beautifully made by my father as it is, really needs some love put into it

the entire thing honestly needs a good deep clean, but in addition to that i'm pretty sure there's mold upstairs. i don't know about downstairs, but i'm 99.9% sure it's up here and i think part of it probably has to do with the fact that the doors i have that go outside don't.....close completely ?? heh

i may have accidentally fallen into them at one point and knocked them out of frame and no matter what i've done to try to fix it (mostly slamming against it from the other side like i'm a fucking football player) so i've done what i can to mitigate the slight crack that's at the top of the door but i'm pretty sure moisture has been getting in anyway so that's fun !!

those doors obviously need to be replaced and there's also a skylight in my bathroom that i think has gotten some water damage around it so that might be contributing as well, but that needs to be fixed, too

there's also some ceiling work that my dad had started on in their bedroom but didn't get to finish before he got sick so that needs to be finished and of course the water heater could still go at any time

the plumber was able to get it back to somewhat full capacity, but even still i've noticed the hot water runs out a lot faster than it used too, so that'll be something else

we also hadn't really realized until all of this with my dad just how inaccessible our house is to get into if you struggle to walk or need a wheelchair

we did what we could with my dad's chair and he'd hold on to one of us to get into the house while holding his cane with the other hand, but like that one night he was so weak after he fell earlier in the day and then all day at the emergency getting checked out, he nearly fell and busted his open and instead ended up collapsing in the hallway just inside the garage entrance and we had to call ems to help come get him up out of the floor so.....we really need to at the very least have hand rails installed at some entrance point of this house that'll make it easier (the backdoor technically has them but it would be a trek for someone with mobility issues of any kind to get back there to them)

the carpets all either need a really good deep clean or to be taken up and replaced with either more carpet or something else

and i'm sure there's more i'm not thinking of right now, but suffice to say, it's....a lot. and no, it doesn't all have to be done right now, right now but the sooner the better for some of them for sure

fortunately my dad left us some money that initially he said we could use for a trip but i think we're going to instead use to do a lot of this stuff around the house that needs to be done

in the meantime, i'm going to try to clean as i go as much as possible. getting all that stuff out from around the water heater really just makes me want to rent a dumpster so we can just throw a bunch of this shit away because honestly a lot of it is just junk at this point that's not even worth donating or giving to someone

some of it yes and definitely any clothes we find that are still good quality, but a lot of this shit i would love nothing more than to just chuck into a dumpster and feel like i can breathe a little easier because it's nowhere near hoarder level i don't think, but for my taste it's starting to feel a little claustrophobic

in the mean time, i'm also going to try to start reading more because i really did used to enjoy it and i think my brain's starting to finally get to a point where it's like, "hey, i can handle new information !! let's start learning again !! let's start reading a whole bunch !!" so i'm excited to start that

i'm still journaling and working my puzzles and spending time outside connecting with nature so these are all also things that i think help me out a lot that i intend to keep up

i also want to start teaching myself how to play my dad's guitar soon because i've always wanted to do that and i think it would bring me a lot of joy if i could manage to learn

i'm also just, as weird as it sounds, letting myself be more autistic, i guess ??

i hadn't realized until recently just how much i've suppressed a lot of stimming and self-soothing behaviors and how much better i feel when i just.....let myself do them

i've struggled with being perceived even when i know i'm completely alone for some time now, i remember even talking about it with my last therapist like a decade ago so this has been a thing

i used to even cover the vents when i went to the bathroom and would shower in the dark because i couldn't pinpoint why i felt like i was always being watched but just in case aliens or the government or whoever were secretly spying on me i was going to avoid them !!

anyway, hey, younger me, turns out you're just really neurodivergent, babe! like i'm starting to think you're more than just autistic, you might also have a decent helping of adhd, dunno, it's kind of slowly starting to emerge which is weird but i'll give you a for instance......i forgot to sign up for my insurance this year!!

i kept getting the alert on my paycom thing whenever i log in every day and i even checked it a few times and was like, "oh yeah, i need to do that," but just kept forgetting the second i would look away from it and anyway, the other day i get an email that's like, "hey, so you've been automatically enrolled in your issuance this year since you didn't wanna do it yourself :P" basically so i do have it, but what's my plan like ?? is it a good one ?? i dunno just yet but i guess we'll see. they're all pretty much the same at this point but i think i did notice it's a different provider so...woohoo, i'm slowly but surely collecting all the insurance types like they're fucking pokemon

anyway, shit like that's been happening more and more lately, but i'm trying to get a handle on that, too because i'm already in a big enough hole as is and quite literally cannot afford to dig myself any deeper so we're gonna do what we need to in order to be well and be somewhat healthy and get this brain sorted out and hopefully, eventually, i'll get to reach a point where i can put down a few of the balls i've been juggling and just kinda....take it easy for a bit

again, and i know i always say this, but i fear i always sound out of touch with reality when i talk about my life like this and so i want to make it clear i do acknowledge all of this could be much, much worse

my life is by far nowhere near as bad as it could be and in a lot of ways i have many things working in my favor and that are of great help to me, so i'm extremely grateful for that. i haven't always been, admittedly, but i've also had a lot of complicated feelings to unpack especially in the past year that made it difficult, but i've come out the other side of that now and i really do just want to mature and focus on growing and part of that is my gratitude for the things in my life that are going right and are immensely beneficial to my wellbeing

that being said, my life nevertheless still hast its challenges and although i blab a lot on here (probably more than i should) i do still tend to keep the majority or perhaps the intensity of how i really feel all to myself

i know there are definitely times that even i can admit that it's like, "uh, hey, the thing you're having a meltdown over really isn't worth being that upset about, it'll be okay........" because sure enough everything was/is totally fine and it's not a big deal, but it's hard to describe how in the moment it feels so much bigger and far more dire so what seems like a lot of dramatics and going through the motions on everyone else's end may all be for naught but like...it's still a tangible hell i end up going through that takes its toll on me, i'm just....used to it, lol

i've literally been getting overloaded since i was born and in some ways it feels like it's never stopped since then, the only problem was i didn't have an answer as to why until very recently so it's not like i wasn't doing anything about my mental health because i just wasn't prioritizing it, i didn't even know where to begin and my first attempt at getting help didn't even land close to what the real issue was so it put me off for a long time (to be fair, the therapy was also heavily focused on like.....my sister having just died, so that's at least part of why, i'm sure)

this really feels like the first time in either a very, very, very long time or possibly even ever that i've been able to just actually stop a little and catch my breath. feel like myself, my actual self. not the mask i've been poorly trying to keep together for forever now

a mask that part of me is hesitant still as i continue to take it off because what i'm realizing about myself is that a lot of who i am/who i've been was tied up in that so like.....naturally i'm starting to see a lot of shifts in the relationships around me and just how i think about myself as well and how i approach things

and it's hard because it's like.....am i being fair ?? am i taking everyone around me's feelings into consideration ?? because i'm so used to having to do that and tiptoe around and always feel like i'm walking on eggshells except my clumsy ass was just tromping through them anyway, always putting my foot in my mouth and saying the exact wrong thing that at the worst possible time and just hating myself more and more but not knowing how to fix it so i'd just princess caroline my relationships and focus on everyone else instead which makes people like you for that, but not so much the rest so there's this constant worry of, "is that all i'm good for? will i be replaced as soon as i stop being useful?" and not for nothing but like....it's happened before, so!!!

so....yeah. i've been unpacking a lot of things lately and just trying to sit with them and think about all of this and about who i want to be now and how to get there

the process is already happening and has been for about a year now, but it's a slow one unfortunately (and really all of this has been woefully too late, but that's what happens when you snooze, anna. you lose !!!) but like that asshole walter white once said, i am......awake, now. except instead of becoming an ego-maniacal abusive drug lord who destroys his family and everything he touches, i'm going to do...whatever the opposite of that is. in every sense

i hope i can grow into a person who is ultimately kind and loving and patient and stable and lovable and healed who has interesting hobbies like making music and maybe recreating some of the pictures she takes of the sky in the form of paintings if she gets good enough

as overwhelming as everything has felt lately i can also feel new possibilities unfurling in me and i can see so many roads and avenues i could go down in terms of growth and development and for the first time i'm staring to feel like i'm brave enough to do it or at least give it a shot

so that's what i hope for. that's what i'm working towards.

thee are going to be parts of me i know people aren't going to like, in particular my tendency to want to spend the majority of my time alone and with my own thoughts, at least for right now, but that's just something i feel as though i need to do and quite honestly, as though i've earned

in some regards, i've spent a good portion, if not almost all of my life in some form or fashion taking care of the people that i love. often in an emotional sense, but i like to think i've also stepped up to the plate in a lot of other ways even if i didn't do every single thing perfectly, i still at least tried

i think i've finally earned some time to focus on me and just me for a little bit.

not to say i won't help anyone with anything (i quite literally spend a good chunk of my time helping my mom now), but i can tell with everything in my being that i really, really need to just turn inwards for a little bit, focus on me, heal some more, mature some more and i think when i emerge from this cocoon i'm going to be....a decent looking butterfly!! (actually, i also hope i get hot. not like "oh, i buy these clothes or makeup or whatever" but just like...y'know, hot. when you invest in yourself hot, you know what i mean? idk it's getting late and i'm quite tired)

but yeah. think that's about it for now.

sorry this was so long, i've just clearly had a lot going on and have a lot on my mind and i like to just check in every so often to document where i'm at in this journey

wish it was a better update, but they can't all be good or we wouldn't be working towards anything, now would we?

i guess that's all for now.

a coupe of last things:

i saw a big yellow butterfly the other day when i was taking the dog out. i sort of associate yellow with my dad now because he loved yellow flowers, especially sunflowers, so whenever i see anything yellow, really, i think of him and of course butterflies are supposedly visitors so i think that might have been him saying hi, which i really needed

also, the cashier supervising the self check i was at today said, "you can use whichever one you want, darlin'," to me which made me smile a lot although they couldn't tell because i had a mask on but i said thank you and tried to smize as best as i could before scooting off to scan my items and get one step close to going back home

oh, and i started to cry a little earlier because on my way home i had to pass by the funeral home and in particular where i was sat at a red light i actually had a perfect view of the crematorium and right as i was looking at it i hear bert mccracken (who btw has apparently been pro-Palestinian for like a decade now so good on him; i knew i chose right in the divorce when everyone else went to gerard's !!) coming from my speakers going, "fill your lungs with smoke for the last tiiiiiime!!" and i started to laugh because like.....c'mon, that's kinda funny, but then i started to cry because i remember that day and then i just missed him but i also had to drive so we just shut that shit down and headed home and i still haven't cried yet so will probably do that tomorrow and some journaling. i think a big cry would help a lot so we'll see !!

as always, i hope if you're reading this you have a good weekend and can also get some rest from chaotic life and stress and all the other bullshit

i hope something good happens for you soon and that you also heal and can try to find some peace and comfort

i absolutely must go to sleep now so g'night !!! <3

[entropy-game-dev]

Alpha testing, v0.06a-v0.07a & patchnotes

Versions 0.06a and 0.07a were quick to come and go - I had a different friend playtest, and as a result, v0.06a were improvements mainly to do with the starting area, player instructions/guidance and general user experience.

Even before the game, the options menu got a slight rework, with more demonstrations as to what options had what effects. The major ones were things like text sfx volumes, window opening speed, shader effect speed, and so on.

Even though all my friends checked out the tutorial area thoroughly, the way that they explore is still very different, and just as interesting to watch! He had a few suggestions regarding the layout of the area, and the bright idea of flagging some of the tutorial messages to be output during this section of the game, instead of waiting until post-timeskip.

This friend also got stuck inside the ship, wandering around the different facilities before realising he had to go to the navigation panel to fly to the first destination. I’ve now locked people out of that until they do that first flight, and with messages at each of the stations that prompt the player what they need to do.

Speaking of tutorials, I’ve had an absolute headache of a time getting tutorials to fire at the right times, or, at all. Going back through my code, it took me THREE versions of the game to realise that I was using an IF statement instead of a WHILE statement. That means I was only checking the first tutorial trigger, rather than all of them, and that only that first tutorial trigger would be cleared out of the list, instead of all of them. Fingers crossed this solves my problems...

In the next version of the game, we focused on testing the battle system and materials collection. Between versions, I added in some descriptions for each enemy, which was fun for my friend to read. I had research ready to go but we found that collecting the specific materials you needed was hard going. I also had some inaccessible tier 3 materials in some of my recipes... whoops!

Combat was largely fine, though I’ll need to do some more balance passes because some moves feel a bit underpowered. My friend also mentioned the oxygen usage was pretty strict - I’ll have to see if there’s a way to upgrade it in the demo.

Anyways, thanks for reading and patchnotes are below the cut as always!

v0.06a Features:

Speed number mouseover!

Power load now increases as level increases! (at Level 99, base load is doubled)

The version number of the game is now shown on the title screen!

Gave player basic components when starting game as part of assistant cutscene

The middle line on the E for the small font is now 2 pixels shorter!

Encounter rates are now more random! For each step, the chance of an encounter rises, until the bar reaches max, when it is 100%

The encounter bar now turns blue when there's 0% chance of an encounter

Conducted attacks can now be reflected back to the source!

Part moves in inventory appear automatically!

Added flags to say when you have picked up a part of a certain type

!! symbol in equipment now menu means that you have a new part of that type

All healing moves have been buffed

New cursor!!! And it respects your colourblindness settings!! Wow

Added new sfx: Hitting elemental weakness/resist, and oxygen damage sfx

When equipping parts from the ship, player and ship inventories are combined

Wrote some logs!

Added mouseover text to research bar and to the element grid!

Added data gain when stepping into an unknown tile

Added SEs to status panel!

Menu mouse controls...

Polish:

Change durability to vitals for astronaut in the stats page

Made the text no-one instead of noone

make status panel on mouse over only appear when moused over the player portraits

Attack message now indicates which team was attacked if more than one target got hit

Damage numbers are now equally spaced apart

Changed [information] to [effect] for status effects

Removed "i'll think about it" option

Cancel sound when selecting core but control limit has been reached is now not be a unique sound effect

Made cursor not pause at full stops when outputting robot names in inspect screen

Made cursor not pause at full stops when outputting robot names in battle stat panel

Xp/data/parts label appear in the right place on flipped enemies now

piercing speed attack shouldn't be used on self

After changing areas within a system, you now always move out of the navigation window

The party robot images turn dark green when at 0 HP

When a unit dies, all non-permanent SEs are removed

Standardised move message timers

If a damaging move would not do damage, 0s still appear

Tutorial messagse are now hopefully only showing once

Reduced natural/artificial feature spawn rate when the dungeon attribute is not matching

Ship inventory is now selected by default in the storage menu in the base

Wrote some more tutorials about getting logs and parts of different types

Log title text doesn't flash and appears properly

Made research instructions blue

Removed Item command from battle menu

Research data costs updated

Stopped fuel gain and local travel until upgrade researched

Stopped tutorial spam on the same frame

Load option won't let you load an empty (new) game

Bugs:

Now calls update map function on every step, not just stepping into a known title

Moving enemies now displays them properly

Traps without a numerical value that deduct resources now have a value

Minimap icons appear now

Level modification for newly recruited cores is now working!

Show robot icon on map

Durability decay is occuring but is not on, I think it is the power drain SE using the wrong script - UPDATE: icon was just not working

Resource regen/decay scripts now work properly and show the respective numbers

Protect Other (and other damage redirecting moves) now show the damage numbers on the right character

Killing Vector now has a proper bonus value and does not crash the game

AI can now only target the top row/first column when using column/row attacks respectively

Geodesic Reversal now works properly and does not crash

Part move list now appears correctly

Part move list now cannot appear on cores

Enemies now won't get hit by moves if they change position before the move is executed

Fixed colour pallette option not changing when using the mouse

Fixed the equip script to pull the equipment from the right inventory when viewing the combined inventory

Stopped save file always being 1 despite changing the file in the title screen menu

Fixed the wrong feature types on the tutorial map

Stopped 30% chance to crash when only forward is option as an encounter direction

v0.07a Features:

Stopped access to the non-essential ship features before exploring the first dungeon!

Some control tutorials now show up in the tutorial map

Added tab control to view all base facilities and some help overlay text

Made SE names appear when mousing over them!

Made assistant start with the scan move, and removed common knowledge

X Added new tutorial triggers: hp_half_bat en_low_bat research_start enter_dungeon_item

SFX and text SFX demos in the option menu are now available

Added descriptions to robots when you inspect them

Polish:

Changed the encounter bar colour from dblue to mblue when safe from encounters

Giving player the machinegun shouldn't make !! appear on the equip screen

Unequipping sound effect plays every time you press the button

Removed the silence in the cancel sfx

Arrow keys are now strafe left/right, not rotate

Change text description of F1 help overlay when in starting area

Made cutscene panel counter only start counting up once the animation has finished and the text has finished

Ammo machine text icon is working now - use Đ instead of Ð

Screen goes fuzzy after more than 2 status effect now

Some small text changes during the intro dungeon

Clarified some text in the options menu

Updated some letters in the main font for clairty

Made the core xp battle tutorial more specific

Added extra windows to the tutorial courtyard

Fixed crash when removing unit

Changed a tutorial from party enter to party remove

Made the fuel conversion message higher so as to not overlap the tutorial messages

Put a control tooltip in for the manage party option

Lessened CRT effects slightly when on low resources

Added demo for other effects in the options menu

Added a window opening demo in the options menu​

Bugs:

Encounter imminent tutorial now fires correctly

Stopped menu highlight crash due to missing parameter when tween executes

Screenshake at 0 doesn't work and also doesn't make sense to have a 0 value

Stopped units having greater than the max of a resource

Equipped Parts info panel now shows up when the inventory is empty

Instruction text went off the screen when making a choice, so I turned the queue into a priority queue

Removed a crash caused by an unused tute variable

Made the window speed option work

[crystalelemental]

Pokemon Team Characterization - Roxanne

@megazardx2​ brought up that Roxanne would be an interesting one to examine, given her early focus and emphasis on teaching and using even weak options effectively.  I agree, because Roxanne is one of my favorites.  My third favorite overall, in fact.  So let’s take a look at her team.

I’m going to use Roxanne’s Emerald teams, since this is the only time she gets rematches.  Though the big focus will be on BW2.  I’m sorry, I feel like the Emerald Rematch is somewhat lacking solely to avoid overlap with Steven Stone.

Roxanne’s initial team is very bare, because Gym 1.  It’s two identical Geodude, and a Nosepass.  Notably, all of them feature Rock Tomb, and defense boosting.  This is Roxanne’s main focus: type matchup, speed control, and defense boosting.  If you’ve figured out these basics, you will not have much trouble.  What sets her apart from a Brock is that she actually has Rock-type coverage on all of them.  What sets her apart from Roark is far more interesting.  Roark aims for speed and Headbutt on an insanely powerful lead, threatening anything just by firepower alone.  Roxanne offers the defensive approach, with an ace that has pathetic offensive stats, but absolutely titanic defenses.  Which fits to the theme.

Roxanne is an honors student, who does tutoring with the trainer’s school.  Her entire focus is on how to build up an effective lesson.  Part of an effective lesson is repetition.  Getting something right one time and then never checking again is a good way to lose it, or to stumble into a lucky outcome.  Two Geodudes, while redundant, is that initial check that someone understands the general principle.  Once you’ve taught and trained, then it’s time to test.  Block prevents switching out; you can’t back out of the challenge and have to put forth a solution.  If you’re wrong, start over from the beginning and try the problem again.  Rock Tomb slowing you down also means that while Nosepass is not immediately threatening, you need to have an actual good answer, or she will start to steamroll you.  Especially since Rock is good against Flying and Bug, common types for early in the game, and Rock resists Normal, the standard type of most things coming in.

I think this is just Roxanne demonstrating a clear understanding of how to effectively craft a learning experience.  Nosepass is not immediately punishing, you have time to think through your response and work out a solution.  It’s not going to one-shot, or even two-shot unless you’re weak to Rock.  But it’s not going down right away either, and you need to know what you’re doing to break past.  As a first challenge in the game, I think this is excellently designed.

Her Emerald rematch, however, steps things up a bit.  I will fully admit, I don’t love this team.  It feels very Kanto-centric, just for the sake of not overlapping with what Steven Stone does.  I also have to admit that there’s not as much of a breakdown, so I guess we’re going to BW2 after all.  That said, some things we can take away from this.

Protect is very common across all her Pokemon.  Roxanne is defensive, the type to take a step back and analyze a situation carefully while trying to pick apart what her opponent is going to do.  She’s not a big risk-taker, preferring the assured method of getting ahead.  That said, there’s also a good deal of Explosion.  Roxanne is at least somewhat utilitarian in nature, being willing to cut her losses early when needed to maintain pressure.  Her team composition also shows a decent amount of control both offensively and defensively, with Aerodactyl as a lead answering common Ground, Grass, and Fighting types that try to run train on Rock, while the pressure of Kabutops and Omastar gives answers to things that commonly wall Rock defensively.  The last interesting bit to note is Rock Slide being on like.  Everything.  Except Golem, interestingly.  Flinching is an interesting mechanic to interpret, and in Roxanne’s case, I think it’s more about being defensive.  Not in like...the cautious way.  More in like...Roxanne is the A+ student.  She knows a lot, tutors in her spare time, prides herself on her knowledge.  Making a mistake or not knowing something is not easy when this is what you pride yourself on.  Being wrong about something likely has a visceral, defensive reaction, something to snap attention away from it.  I think that’s the intent of the flinch focus.  Rollout, by comparison, is more about fixation.  She’s likely to perseverate on whatever threw her off.

With that, we’ll talk about her BW2 team, because I think there’s actually quite a bit to be drawn from it.

The Lead (Probopass) Nosepass is Roxanne’s ace, and unlike many trainers, she doesn’t seem to save it for later in higher tier play.  In fact, Probopass is set as her first.  I can’t recall perfectly, it’s been a long time since the PWT, but I believe they can choose whatever they want in any order, so this isn’t strictly her lead, but taking the first slot is usually used for that significance.  It’s the first consideration.  Roxanne tends to lead with this more defensive play, that emphasizes supportive effects like Sandstorm and Thunder Wave.  With its high bulk, these are more likely to take effect.

From this, we can take a few things.  Broadly, Roxanne is the type to deal with certainties.  She likes to play to something that will guarantee having an effect.  Thunder Wave mirrors the old Rock Tomb, albeit with far greater effect.  Speed control implies a sense of getting things to move at her pace, and trying to take the lead.  She’s someone who wants to take control of a situation and be the one to guide how things will go.  Sandstorm is an interesting approach, as it’s not just setting the general stage, but by this generation it’s a massive special defense boost to her team.  Which you can tell from later on, covers their weakness; most have low special defense but high physical.  Her ace being her lead that emphasizes protection and support implies that as her general nature; she’s someone who aims to help and provide what is needed to others.  Taken together, she’s someone who’s likely to be a bit doting and, to some, overbearing.

The Dream (Golem) I’m drawing a bit from Pokemon Masters on this one, but Roxanne talks about how she’s always wanted to train a Golem.  It was a sort of childhood dream of hers, focusing on building up this Pokemon as the main goal.  Her early matches emphasize the Geodudes, so we know there’s an affinity, but Golem itself is interesting.  By function, it’s Rock Polish (speed control again), and three attacks with solid coverage.  Yet instead of raw power, it focuses on flinches.  I think this is interesting for the same reason outlined in the Emerald rematch team, but being on Golem specifically implies this is just something deeply ingrained in her.  Even if she’s trying to be less defensive overall, she’s still the type to recoil a bit internally, if nothing else.

I also think it’s interesting that the big important one involves a trade evolution.  This is wildly speculative on my part, and at least partially associated with a fanfic I wrote, but I view that favoritism as an indicator of Roxanne’s desire for friends.  Being the star student and fairly straight-laced, especially in a way where it’s hard to admit to mistakes, isn’t always a great recipe for being connected to your peers.  Roxanne may want to have friends, and focusing on having someone to trade with emphasizes that.

A Friend (Aggron) Aggron, I think, speaks to association with that friend.  We know of two people Roxanne seems to be friends with in her base games: Brawly, and Steven Stone.  Steven being much closer, due to their shared interest in rocks.  Roxanne already has a Rock/Steel type in Probopass.  Having a second doesn’t really help her team.  But it’s her pick regardless, and I think the significance is that association with Steven, who runs one as well.

Interestingly, Aggron is another heavy offensive focus.  But unlike Golem, who trades some power for the flinch rate, Aggron focuses on raw power.  I think that, given the association with Steven, this is meant to indicate that Roxanne gets stronger with her friends.  Think of it like a “coming out of your shell” type deal.  Roxanne tends to be more reserved by nature, that’s why she relies on flinching with her favorite; it’s keeping people at arm’s length.  But when she’s close with someone, she’s able to be a bit more herself, and herself may by a bit more...aggressive.

Taken in tandem, I read it as Roxanne being the type who can be intense as a person, and potentially a bit critical of herself and others.  Well-meaning, but abrasive.  It’s therefore harder for her to make friends, and she’s a bit reserved about making attempts to reach out, which is why she emphasizes Thunder Wave and flinch for inaction.  She likes to do things at her pace, in her way, and making concessions is difficult; she’d rather pull people into what she’s trying to do when she can.  When she has someone who works more at her pace, she’s able to thrive, but it takes a special sort of association to get comfortable.  She’s likely to still “hold back,” even with people she’s familiar with, possibly for fear of bothering them or being seen as too much given her fixations.  Think the kind of person to apologize for being too excited about something they really enjoy, thinking they must be boring the other person.

Nerding Out (Armaldo, Cradily, Relicanth) Roxanne’s interest, as we know, are her rocks.  She specifically likes the history angle of them, and so it makes sense she’s always got fossil Pokemon in her team.  Cradily and Armaldo are direct ancients.  They’re revived from the ancient past, and Roxanne would latch on to that strongly.  What I think is most interesting is that Armaldo has Curse.  This is the exact opposite of Roxanne’s usual approach, sacrificing her speed for the sake of strength.  Given that boosting speed or reducing foe’s speed is about catching them up in her rhythm, I see this as the inverse; Roxanne is willing to be a bit more patient for people if they’re showing an interest in her stuff.  Like oh, you like rocks too, but you’re new to this?  Okay we’ll start with some simple stuff before I just unload everything I know at you.

Relicanth is more a living fossil, which I always loved.  Roxanne feels very historian-esque, so having such a connection to Relicanth as something ancient but still around is just great.  More importantly, it has Amnesia and Yawn.  Which...is really funny, because those feel antithetical to Roxanne’s interest in fossils.  I read this as more what she’s doing to whoever she’s talking to.  Roxanne is the type to have a ton of knowledge about her topic of interest, and will talk until you can’t sustain attention anymore.  It’s the kind of stuff that would bore most people, and very few are actually going to remember once she’s done talking.

Summation Roxanne feels like the type of person who is very much set in what she’s interested in.  She wants to focus on the things she’s invested in, and draw others into her interests.  She can be a bit overwhelming, having a ton of knowledge about minutiae most won’t care about, and enjoys sharing her knowledge with others.  She means well, and will try to tone down the information to meet people at their level, but you know how experts can over-estimate the baseline knowledge of someone unfamiliar with their field.  Roxanne can be a bit critical of herself, taking it hard when she makes mistakes or doesn’t know something right away.  She can get defensive about her shortcomings, and may be a bit abrasive as a result.  Because of all this, it might be harder for her to make friends, despite really wanting to connect with other people.  When she’s able to find someone she gets along with, she’s able to really thrive, but it takes a lot to feel fully comfortable with someone, still staying a bit guarded about herself and feeling like she overshares in her interests and bores others.

If you have an alternate read to the character, I’d love to hear it.  Roxanne is, at least at present, my third favorite character, and I have attached fairly strongly to my personal take on her.  I like the studious and serious types, and I think her fascination with rocks and history is adorable, and her rock pals association with Steven (and Grant) is fantastic.

[officevalle]

Essential Tools for Independent Musicians

The music industry has transformed drastically in recent years, creating opportunities for independent musicians like never before. With streaming platforms, social media, and access to essential tools, independent artists can carve their own path and reach audiences globally without relying on traditional labels. However, success doesn’t come easy—it requires a blend of creativity, strategic planning, and the right resources.

In this article, we will explore some of the most vital tools and practices that every independent musician should embrace. From protecting your music to tracking your growth, each step is crucial in building a sustainable career in the competitive music world.

Secure Your Music with Proper Licensing One of the most important yet often overlooked aspects of a music career is ensuring your work is legally protected. A music license in India not only safeguards your compositions but also allows you to monetize them effectively. Licensing is essential for publishing, streaming, and collaborating with brands or other artists.

For independent musicians, it can feel daunting to navigate the legal side of music. However, understanding copyright laws and obtaining a music license ensures that your hard work is not exploited without your consent. Platforms now make it easier than ever to register your work, and many offer step-by-step guidance for those new to the process. Think of licensing as the foundation of your career; it’s what secures your ability to earn from your art.

Tracking Audience Engagement Through Spotify As an independent artist, streaming platforms are your best friend. Spotify, for instance, is one of the most widely used platforms for discovering and listening to music. To make the most of it, you need to learn how to check streams on Spotify.

Understanding your streams gives you insights into your audience's preferences, helping you make informed decisions about future releases. Are listeners responding more to upbeat tracks, or do ballads resonate better? Which countries or cities are generating the most streams? These analytics empower you to focus your promotional efforts and plan tours or campaigns more effectively.

Spotify for Artists also provides additional tools like playlist pitching and real-time stats, enabling you to take charge of your music’s reach. By leveraging these insights, independent musicians can level the playing field with major label artists.

Learning from Successful Artists Independent musicians often look to established acts for inspiration. Pledis Entertainment artists, for example, demonstrate the power of strategic branding and consistent artistry. While they operate under a label, their approach to creating music and building global fandoms offers valuable lessons for independent artists.

What sets successful artists apart is their ability to connect with their audience authentically. From utilizing social media platforms to engaging directly with fans, today’s musicians can cultivate a loyal following without middlemen. Collaborations, live streams, and fan events are all effective ways to create memorable experiences for listeners.

By observing how established artists handle their releases, promotions, and fan interactions, independent musicians can adapt those strategies to their scale and budget.

Drawing Inspiration from Powerful Lyrics Great music doesn’t just rely on beats; it tells a story that resonates with the audience. Consider the magic of the part of that world lyrics. These words evoke nostalgia and longing, connecting listeners to a story of hope and aspiration.

For independent musicians, crafting lyrics that strike a chord with the audience is just as important as nailing the production. Lyrics have the power to elevate a song from being a catchy tune to an emotional experience. To hone your songwriting, draw inspiration from your own life, explore diverse themes, and study iconic songs that have stood the test of time.

Lyrics are often the gateway to a listener’s heart. Whether your songs reflect personal struggles, social issues, or universal themes, they must be genuine and relatable. Writing workshops, co-writing sessions, and revisiting your drafts multiple times can help sharpen your storytelling skills.

Motivational Music to Keep You Going The journey of an independent musician is full of highs and lows. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, especially when juggling the creative and business aspects of your career. That’s where songs like the up to you song can make a difference.

This motivational anthem reminds listeners to take charge of their destiny, a message that resonates deeply with independent artists. Music is as much about perseverance as it is about talent. Staying inspired and focused is crucial, especially when facing challenges like funding, time management, or self-doubt.

Building a playlist of motivational songs can act as a personal toolkit for tough days. It’s also worth exploring meditation, journaling, or simply taking breaks to recharge your creativity. Remember, resilience and adaptability are key traits that will sustain you through the ups and downs of an independent music career.

Making the Most of Social Media No conversation about essential tools for musicians would be complete without mentioning social media. Platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube offer incredible opportunities to promote your music, share behind-the-scenes content, and connect with your fans. Creating short, engaging videos or live-streaming your songwriting process can make your audience feel invested in your journey.

Consistency is key on social media. Posting regularly, using trending hashtags, and engaging with comments can increase your visibility. Independent musicians can also use paid promotions or collaborations with influencers to reach wider audiences. The best part? Social media allows you to maintain creative control over your image and message.

Budget-Friendly Recording Solutions Gone are the days when recording music required a fully equipped studio. Independent artists now have access to affordable recording software, home studio setups, and professional-grade microphones that deliver excellent quality. Digital audio workstations (DAWs) like Logic Pro, FL Studio, or Ableton Live offer user-friendly interfaces and extensive features, enabling musicians to create professional tracks from the comfort of their homes.

For those on a tight budget, free or low-cost alternatives like Audacity or GarageBand can be a great starting point. Remember, the goal is to produce high-quality music that matches industry standards. Investing in mixing and mastering services can also elevate your tracks and ensure they stand out on streaming platforms.

Building a Support Network Independence doesn’t mean isolation. Collaborating with fellow musicians, joining artist communities, and participating in local events can open doors to new opportunities. Whether it’s co-writing a song, sharing production tips, or organizing joint performances, networking can significantly boost your career.

Online communities like Reddit’s r/WeAreTheMusicMakers or Facebook groups for musicians are also valuable resources. These platforms offer advice, feedback, and support from peers who understand the challenges of being an independent artist.

Conclusion The life of an independent musician is both challenging and rewarding. From securing your music rights with a music license in India to tracking your growth by learning how to check streams on Spotify, every step you take brings you closer to achieving your goals. Take inspiration from Pledis Entertainment artists and timeless songs like the part of that world lyrics to fuel your creativity. And when the going gets tough, let the up to you song remind you of the power of determination.

Your journey as an independent musician is unique, and the tools you use will shape your success. With passion, persistence, and the right resources, there’s no limit to what you can achieve.

What’s your go-to tool or strategy as an independent artist? Share your tips in the comments below!

[namantogwe]

Best Fantasy Sports App with Live Stats: Your Winning Edge

Fantasy sports apps have transformed the way we engage with our favorite games. Whether it's football, cricket, basketball, or baseball, these apps bring fans closer to the action by letting them manage their own fantasy teams. But what sets the best fantasy sports app apart from the rest? Live stats.

In this blog, we'll explore why live stats are essential, how they improve your fantasy sports experience, and which apps excel in delivering real-time data. Let’s dive into the world of fantasy sports and find the app that suits your needs.

Why Live Stats Matter in Fantasy Sports Apps

Live stats are the heartbeat of any great fantasy sports app. They provide real-time updates on player performances, game progress, and crucial moments. Here’s why they’re so important:

Stay Updated in Real TimeFantasy sports involve making decisions based on player performance. With live stats, you can track your players’ performance minute by minute. This is particularly useful in sports like football or basketball, where every play can impact your team’s score.

Make Smarter DecisionsApps with live stats help you adjust your strategies during the game. For example, if a star player gets injured, you can replace them with someone else. Quick, informed decisions can make a huge difference in daily fantasy sports competitions.

Enhance the Viewing ExperienceWatching a game while keeping an eye on live stats adds a whole new level of excitement. You’re not just a spectator—you’re actively involved in the outcome through your fantasy team.

Top Features of the Best Fantasy Sports App with Live Stats

When choosing a fantasy sports app, it’s important to look for certain features that enhance your experience. Here’s what makes an app stand out:

Real-time Player UpdatesThe best apps provide instant updates on player stats like points, assists, goals, and more. This helps you stay on top of your team’s performance throughout the game.

Push NotificationsSome apps send alerts for key moments, such as player injuries, goals scored, or lineup changes. These notifications keep you informed without having to constantly check the app.

Detailed AnalyticsBeyond live stats, the best fantasy sports apps offer in-depth analytics. These include player comparisons, recent form, and even predictive insights powered by AI.

Interactive InterfacesA user-friendly interface that displays live stats clearly is crucial. The best apps organize the data in an easy-to-read format, so you don’t miss any important details.

Best Fantasy Sports Apps with Live Stats

Here are the top apps that excel in providing live stats to enhance your fantasy sports experience:

1. ESPN Fantasy Sports

Overview: ESPN Fantasy Sports is a favorite among fans for its wide range of sports and robust live stats.

Features:

Real-time updates for football, basketball, hockey, and more

Easy-to-read stats dashboards

Customizable notifications for game events

Why It’s Great: With its detailed live stats and smooth interface, this app is ideal for both beginners and experienced players.

2. Sleeper

Overview: Known for its focus on football and basketball, Sleeper is one of the most innovative fantasy apps.

Features:

Instant player performance updates

AI-powered insights for better decision-making

Community chat features to discuss stats with friends

Why It’s Great: Sleeper’s emphasis on live stats and community engagement makes it a must-try app.

3. FanDuel

Overview: FanDuel is perfect for daily fantasy sports enthusiasts who need real-time data for quick decisions.

Features:

Detailed live scoring updates

Player stat breakdowns for every game

Integrated betting options for advanced users

Why It’s Great: If you’re looking to win big in daily fantasy competitions, FanDuel’s live stats will give you the edge.

4. DraftKings

Overview: DraftKings is a leader in fantasy sports and offers unmatched real-time data.

Features:

Live game tracking for multiple sports

Player and team statistics updated instantly

Lineup optimization tools

Why It’s Great: DraftKings combines live stats with powerful tools to help you create the best fantasy lineup.

5. Yahoo Fantasy Sports

Overview: Yahoo Fantasy Sports is known for its comprehensive coverage and user-friendly design.

Features:

Real-time updates for all major sports

Advanced projections and analysis

Easy integration with friends’ leagues

Why It’s Great: Yahoo Fantasy Sports offers a balance of simplicity and depth, making it suitable for all skill levels.

Tips for Using Live Stats to Win at Fantasy Sports

Here are a few strategies to get the most out of live stats on your fantasy sports app:

Stay Active During GamesKeep the app open while games are live. This ensures you catch every stat update and can make changes if needed.

Analyze the NumbersUse the app’s detailed analytics to identify trends. For example, if a player is consistently performing well, they might be worth trading for.

Leverage Push NotificationsDon’t ignore alerts from your app. These notifications often highlight critical moments, giving you an edge over other players.

Plan for the Next GameReview the live stats after a game to prepare for upcoming matches. Understanding how your players performed will help you make better decisions.

Final Thoughts

A fantasy sports app with live stats isn’t just a tool—it’s your secret weapon. The ability to track games in real time, make informed decisions, and outplay your competitors is what makes fantasy sports so thrilling.

If you’re looking for the best fantasy sports app, consider one that excels in delivering live stats. Whether it’s ESPN Fantasy Sports, Sleeper, or DraftKings, these apps can take your fantasy experience to the next level.

[striveattemptfail]

ao3 wrapped [writers edition]

stolen from here. answering everything myself bc i'm too impatient to wait for people to ask me things lol. all stats are as of publishing this post ✌️

(cw: gifs included for some answers)

——————————

1. How many words have you written this year?

20,488 according to my stats page

technically speaking though i've written way more bc i have a bunch of wips i haven't posted yet 😅

2. How many works did you publish this year?

nine (9)!!!

i wish i could round this out to 10 before the year ends but i'm 90% sure it's not gonna happen 😔😔

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

You'll be there to push me up the hill — poolverine — 154 kudos — 900+ hits

it's chockfull of my personal movie!deadpool headcanons and things i want for post-canon dp&w

i only wish i could've squeezed in even more scenes to include russell and x-force but i barely managed to finish it on time for poolvertober so alas

special shout out to: Feel your way — poolverine — 113 kudos — 1.1k hits

i haven't written smut in literal years so i'm both shocked and grateful that i 1) wrote it at all, and 2) finished + posted it lol

4. What work of yours has the most hits?

for 2024: knee deep in the couch seat and you're not eating me out — 1.5k hits

in general: Just take my hand, and let’s enjoy — miragen & kuroko — 8k hits

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

knee deep in the couch seat and you're not eating me out — 8 comment threads + a lot of very sweet comments on tumblr and twitter (ಥ‿ಥ)❤️💛

i rushed to post on time for that day's poolvertober prompt so i wasn't very proud of it

but i'm so glad that a ton of people liked it anyway!

6. Favorite title you used

knee deep in the couch seat and you're not eating me out — insp. by chappel roan's casual

i saw the honda odyssey scene, then i heard the song, and I Immediately Knew i had to bastardize these lyrics for a fic lmfao

once again, apologies to ms roan /o\

i just!!!

does this not embody those lyrics?!?!?!?!?!!!

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

i haven't repeated an artist for titles this year!

in general though, i use red velvet english lyric translations the most LOL

8. Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

wade wilson/logan howlett aka poolverine

it's not even close

i'd be embarrassed but tbh i'm just shocked i even managed to finish one (1) fic at all

much less publish several of them!

i meant it when i said the poolverine brain rot might pull me out of my misery era (no jinx!)

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

poolverine

mustard and ketchup old man yaoi has me in a chokehold but i'm not particularly upset about it looool

10. What work was the quickest to write?

chaos, we so catostrophic — poolverine + blind al — 1.1k wc

i finished it in one frantic session filled with 10-min sprints 😅😂

my original idea for that day's poolvertober prompt was getting too long to finish on time, so i spent ~2 hrs in a haze laughing at myself while i thought about how funny it'd be for blind al to shoot a glock inside the apartment lmfaooo

11. What work took you the longest to write?

maybe it's a little too early (to know if this is gonna work) — poolverine — 5.2k wc

the dang &1 scene took me way too long to write bc i couldn't figure out a sideplot for it

did it need a sideplot? no.

would it have bothered me to no end if i didn't set the scene properly? yes.

and that's not even getting into the fact that logan and wade kept getting horny instead of keeping things cute and sweet like i originally planned!

i rewrote each scene multiple times bc they couldn't be serious smdh (=_=)

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

uhhhhhhh—

*checks phone*

*checks laptop*

—a lot.

at least 20.

definitely more.

i'm too lazy to count all of them between the fact that i have multiple draft files of the same fic + many of these are wips i've been sitting on for years

whoops soz

😁😁😅😅😅🥴🥴🥴🥴🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

13. What’s your longest work of the year?

You'll be there to push me up the hill — 5.4k wc

despite being the longest and hitting a wall with a few of the scenes, it was relatively easy to write

like i said, it's just filled with personal headcanons ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

all i had to do was verbalize whatever the hell goes on in my head and put it on paper lmaaaooo

14. What’s your shortest work of the year?

Back Seat — poolverine — 380 wc

it was supposed to be 300 words flat so it could be a triple drabble but these two idiots don't know how to shut up lol

ngl i completely forgot about this fic so this is likely the correct answer for q.10..........

.....that said, i'm not rewriting my answers bc i'm lazy whoops /o\

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

.......wasn't this already asked in q.12? lmao

i guess i'll give a special shout out to the poolverine professor/student au from an outsider pov bc the premise is so funny and i have it all planned out already

will i actually finish it? who knows!

certainly not me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

actually informative tag: Canon Compliant — 8/9 works

fandom specific tag: Logan Is So Done (X-Men) — 4/9 works

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

i love writing wade wilson aka deadpool bc our inner monologues are very similar

babbling on and on and on happens effortlessly

(it's the rampant adhd lmao)

both of us also have a crude sense of humour so writing the stupid crap that comes out of wade's mouth is easier than with other comedic characters bc i have the sense of humour of a 12 y/o boy and luckily wade usually does too lol

the problem is i am not near as witty as him, nor do i have the wherewithal to actually write how brutal he truly is sometimes, nor am i acquainted with pop culture enough so he can break the fourth wall effectively

which now sounds like i shouldn't be writing him at all but WHATEVER! IDC!!!

i still love writing him as a ramble-y, annoying prick bc i am a ramble-y, annoying prick myself LOOOOOL

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

logan howlett aka wolverine

i know i wrote in his pov more than wade, but still

writing logan is hard for a simple reason: i'm not like him

my biggest self-critique is that it just seems like i gave logan adhd

his internal monologue is filled with run-on sentences when it really shouldn't be

and then his actual dialogue is just.

constant grunting.

lmfao.

i do understand and relate to him in some ways, but there's also a reason why i haven't really gotten into him as a character despite being adjacent to the x-men franchise for most of my life

he's a complex dude and i'm honestly just grateful i haven't received flames yet (omg i'm in old fart) for not writing him with the care he deserves

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

honestly i wouldn't mind staying on the poolverine train for another year

it'd be nice to branch out to other ships i enjoy (tbh i can't believe i haven't posted anything for jayroy, or more wlw)

but if poolverine wants to keep their hold on me for even longer, who am i to stop them?

LOOOOOOL

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

everything bc only a third of them were beta'd lol

21. How many kudos in total did you get this year?

as of drafting this post: 1,099

hopefully by the time i publish this i'll break 1.1k! 😩🙏

ETA: I'VE BROKEN 1.1K KUDOS FOR THIS YEAR WOOHOO \o/

22. Which work has the most comments?

it's a tie!

You'll be there to push me up the hill — 18 comments total

Feel your way — poolverine — 18 comments total

23. Did you do any collaborative works this year?

unfortunately no 😔😔

i've had tremendous help from @broosepayne and @comatose--overdose with idea bouncing though!

24. Did you write any gifts this year?

again, unfortunately no

25. Did you receive any gifts this year?

nope!

which is just fine since i couldn't give any gifts 😅😅

26. What’s your most common category?

m/m

shocker, i know (<- sarcasm)

i actually have some m/f and f/f wips but none of them are anywhere near complete or polished enough to post 😩😔

27. What do you listen to while writing?

for the past few years, it's usually playlists from this channel!

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

You'll be there to push me up the hill

refer to q.3 for why lmao

(can you tell i'm running out of steam trying to finish this? /o\)

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

it's a tie between

“He believed that I, a hero, could still save someone after I refused to save him.” Piotr’s eyes wander back over to where Wade is, whose hands are in the air as he enthusiastically elaborates on something to a very patient Laura. The two siblings laugh at something he says. “Wade is not perfect,” Piotr finally rumbles, “but perhaps what he is doesn’t need to be.” (via You'll be there to push me up the hill)

and

And with a body aching from a day’s hard work, a full belly, a dog on his lap, and a man he realized was dangerously close to falling in love with sleeping peacefully by his side, he thought, I think I could live the rest of my life like this. (via tanoshii omoide — victuuri — 600+ wc)

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

it truly is the fact that i wrote AND published anything at all

i've been in a slump (creatively and otherwise) bc of my aforementioned mentioned misery era

jotting down ideas has been the extent of any creative endeavours for a very long time

finishing anything was a shock

actually posting them even more so

the fact that it happened more than once is nothing short of a miracle tbqh

mr reynolds and huge jacked man put crack something in this year's old man yaoi and i am very grateful for it!! 😂😂

WOOH i finally finished! if anyone actually reads this: you're a real one and i thank you<3