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notepadsandtealeaves · 4 years ago

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Dabi // Touya T.

NSFW ABCs || A Thot’s Thoughts 💦

MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT || 18+ ONLY ||

|| ao3 version | mha tag | m.lists | main blog ||

↠ Requested By: The Thirst™ ↠ Reader Gender: Neutral ↠ Content Type: HELLA NSFW ((Minors, kindly ✨ fuck off ✨)) ↠ CWs/TWs: Any applicable warnings can be found before their respective sections, tho the ‘Kink’ section does get kinda wild (exhibitionism, choking, fear play, knifeplay, allusions to CNC, and degradation). Also I’ll go ahead and throw in a general warning for Dabi being Dabi and all that entails—because lbr that man is a gd walking crisis lmao—as well as Dabi-typical trauma. ↠ Betas? Where they do that at?? ↠ Total WC: 10k~ ((…yeah… lmao))

↠ I’ve got the worst case of horny Dabi brainrot and I’m determined to make it the world’s problem.

((Since a lot of new people have been stumbling across this lately I figured now was as good a time as any to update it. There hasn’t been any major changes; it’s mostly just cosmetic, with a few nips and tucks to the writing itself to make things flow better.))

If you’re familiar with my writing you’re probably damn tired of me doing these ABC’s and also not finishing my other works you’ll know that I tend to venture well beyond the boundaries prompts. That is to say that this shit’ll be kinky, yeah, but also a character study; sex and intimacy are such personal, intricate and integral things, often fueled by emotions and experiences that one doesn’t even readily know are at play. I like to use these prompts as a way to really dig my grubby little paws into a character and find out what I personally think makes them tick. If that sounds like your bag, then please join me in this feels-lined pit of depravity lol…

At current I’m anime only, so aside from a few spoilers and consuming fics I don’t know much about our favorite burnt bacon bitch other than the fact that he’s hot (in more ways than one), angy (and subsequently murder-y), and a Todoroki (which is synonymous with emotional repression, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and a whole bunch of other things that make my heart hurt to think about). So if anything sounds out of character in this that’s why. Also any CWs will be posted before the applicable letter.

But that’s more than enough rambling from me. Let’s get into things, shall we?

Aftercare || What they’re like after sex.

AfTErCaRe??

Lmaoooooo, bitch byeeee…

Wtf even is that, honestly? ‘Tending to your partner after sex’—yeah, that shit sounds fake to him. This man does the bare minimum to keep himself (mostly) functional, do you really think he has the mind to pat someone up after fucking?

Hahahaha—no.

Most of his hookups are just that, one time deals that aren’t meant to last much longer past the time it takes for him to put his clothes back on and fuck off into the sunset. He doesn’t trust anyone enough to stay over at their place, and bringing them back to wherever the fuck it is he’s crashing at currently is a big ol’ ✨ Nope ✨ so anything other than a “That was fun” coupled with a smirk and a wave has never been a thing he felt the need to provide.

If you become a reoccurring fuck buddy, or gods help him, his actual significant other, then…

Look if he likes you enough to sleep over then he definitely probably likes you enough to try, but…

Intimacy is a thing that terrifies him, okay? Being that close to another person has never ended well for him in non-romantic situations; things always soured, always turned volatile and violent and terrible and that was just his familial relationships, things that weren’t nearly as complicated as whatever… this is the pair of you have going.

Whether you’re friends with benefits or something more he refuses to put a label on it because words and titles would make it real. This thing you have may be without any true form, but he likes it that way—he likes you, if he’s honest (which he so rarely is when it comes to things like this, even in the confines of his own mind, ‘thinking makes it so’ and all that noise). He wants to keep you around for as long as possible and if that means tossing a bag of your favorite snack and a bottle of water on the nightstand for you before he pounds you into the mattress then so be it.

As you’d probably expect his version of aftercare isn’t exactly a gentle thing. He’s more opt to use a discarded shirt (always yours because it’s definitely the cleaner of the two not to mention the fact that he has to put his back on when he slinks out of your window at o’dark-thirty) to clean you up than a towel; more likely to tease you until you’re a blushing, stuttering mess than to outright praise you; more prone to fucking you in the shower than actually helping you to bathe.

But still, he’s sweet in his own way.

Like I said before he’ll make sure that you have something to munch on once your session finally sees its end. If he’s done his job right—and he always, always does—then you’re probably too tired to actually feed yourself. Though he’ll tease you about it, he won’t hesitate to prop you up against his chest and pop the morsels into your waiting mouth. Yes, he does this in the most suggestive way possible, and yes, he oftentimes ends up eating a good portion of the food himself, but it’s all good because he brought extras—“So quit yer complaining, brat, and let me take care of you. Ol’ fussy ass…”

If he’s been especially rough with you, and you’re really insistent on not limping in to school/work/wherever it is you have to go the next day, he’ll give you a rubdown and my god is it heavenly. He heats his hands up just enough for you to really feel it and just digs and in and ahhhhh~

I really just sat here and made myself jealous over a fictional murder man giving a self-heated massage to an amalgamation of readers, huh? Damn, I really need to get out more lmao…

Anyways!

This is only if he’s feeling especially soft and generous. He knows he can’t claim you in any official capacity for several reasons, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want the world to know that you’re his that someone’s already taking care of your needs, thoroughly, and we all know that he’s more than petty enough to leave you in a state that just screams ‘I got my soul fucked clean outta my body last night’ lmao. So if you start talking about someone else just a touch too much, or mention a colleague that reads as just a little too friendly for his liking he’ll pipe you down good and make sure that you’re damn near crawling out of the house the next day.

Yeah, he’s a petty, possessive prick—what about it?

Body Part || Favorite body part, on them as well as their partner.

On him it’s probably his cock.

Are you honestly surprised? Because you really shouldn’t be lmfao.

Look, Dabi knows that other people find him attractive, but for the half-dead life of him he can’t figure out why? He is a literal burn victim, half of his skin has been seared away and what little there is left is attached with fucking staples. He thinks we’re all a bunch of weird ass freaks, but luckily for us all he’s into that shit lmao. That said any confidence he has in his looks is derived from the thirst of others. It’s a hollow thing, but given everything else he has on his brain he doesn’t feel the need to delve into that shit too deeply. If his doll thinks he’s attractive, he’s not going to argue—after all, you’re the one that has to look at/fuck him. If you like your men burnt all to be damned and homicidal then who tf is he to judge?

Whatever confidence he does or does not have in his looks is irrelevant once he gets you between the sheets—or against the wall or on the couch or maybe even bent over the balcony’s railing, the cool night air caressing the whole of your very much exposed body… (yeah, our mans is an exhibitionist among other things, but more on that in ‘K’). He knows his stroke game is on point, knows how to roll his hips and angle his dick so that it hits that spot that makes you see stars every time… Even if he wasn’t so damn talented he’s sure that it wouldn’t take much to bring a mf to their knees; he’s long and thick and curved just so and yeah… Dude slangs cock, and he does it damn well.

On you it’d have to be your chest.

It doesn’t matter what you have going on there, your chest is his new favorite pillow. If you ask him about it, he’ll play it off with some lewd remarks—as well as a few gropes and tweaks at your nipples for good measure. He wants you both to think it’s just an extension of his physical attraction to you, and that is indeed a part of it, but…

Look he loves really likes you, yeah? You’re one of the few people he feels at ease with, probably the only one in the entirety of the whole ass world that he lets his guard down around. Just existing in the same space as you is enough to calm his racing thoughts, and touching you… Sometimes you blue screen him with your sweet, casual touches, ngl. He wishes he could say that he didn’t know how touch starved he was before meeting you, but that’s something he’s been keenly aware of since childhood. We all know the shit his snatchbag of a father* got up to, so I think it’s safe to say that he doesn’t have the best relationship with touch. Outside of sex he’s one to actively avoid it at all costs as it hurts too much—physically, emotionally, and mentally—to entertain otherwise.

But like with most walls he’s built, this is just yet another one that you scaled without ever actively trying.

All it took was for him to crack, just a little bit, to seek your hand only to be offered so much more for him to start craving your touch. And you’re always so, so damn gentle with him, both physically and emotionally; he knows that he never has to worry about pain or rejection or anything of the kind when he comes to you. He starts off hesitant, with his temperament being akin to that of a beaten dog, but once he realizes that he can trust (not only in you, but also in himself to not screw things up) it’s a thing that he actively seeks out with varying degrees of desperation.

But no matter how he comes to you, things oftentimes end with his head pillowed against your chest.

Why? Because that’s where your heart is.

The beat of it reverberates with all of the care and warm feelings you for some odd as hell reason harbor for him. He just cannot get over the fact that you love?? him the way that you do. And while he knows that your heart isn’t actually the organ that’s responsible for all that he, like most people, has been conditioned to associate these emotions with it nonetheless. Those metronomic thuds that lulls him into a contented puddle are just further proof to how much you care, and he lives for that shit–

–that this also gives him ease of access to some of your more sensitive areas is just a bonus…

*Given the state of this fandom I feel the need to say that while I don’t like Endeavor, I absolutely fuck with his fans ((and tbh I’d totally let him wreck my shit because GODDAMN, god-fucking-bless the Todoroki genes, tho I’d probably feel bad about it later lmaooo)). Like who you like, my good dudes, this is a safe space lol…

Cum || Anything to do with cum…

Lbr—Dabi’s definitely the type of asshole to cum all over you regardless of how you feel about it.

That said, if you really don’t like it and make that clear then he’ll refrain from cumming on you (dude’s not a complete asshole, at least not when it comes to you), but your sheets are fucked. What? He’s gotta finish somewhere, esp. if he’s fucking you raw and you have a womb. Doesn’t matter how much protection you use, his first instinct is always gonna be to pull out and empty his balls onto something less perilous. And since you don’t want it on you or in your mouth then the sheets really are his only alternative.

I mean yeah, he could cum into his hand or a tissue or something, but lmao—no.

If you are down, however, he absolutely loves to make a mess of you, but will bitch to no end if you dare to do the same to him. Don’t let that stop you tho; he just likes to complain for the sake of complaining (I would not be surprised to find that he has a kink for his own damn voice, tbh), but in all honesty he couldn’t care less. Reduce him to a sweaty, cum-stained mess and he’ll adore you just that little bit more. Just know that he will get you back next time, fair’s fair after all…

Dirty Secret || Pretty self-explanatory—a dirty secret of theirs.

I picture Dabs as being the type to put all of his shit out there p. much from jump and he expects you to do the same.

The way he sees it, if you’re fucking on the regular you might as well know what your partner does and does not like. It keeps things from getting awkward and potentially dangerous down the line, plus it makes things a thousand times more fun/exciting when he (or you) tosses in something new into your sessions at random. Keeps things fresh and suitably spicy.

That said the thing he thinks to be the dirtiest secret of all is his feelings for you.

Dabi knows who and what he is and makes no apologies for it—usually. Prior to you he never once bothered with any self-examination, and why should he have? What do labels like ‘hero’ and ‘villain’ matter when people on both sides of the line don’t seem to have any compunction about crossing it whenever it suits them? It’s actions, not words, that he places his trust in.

Life has shown him that it’s always a matter of ‘when’, not ‘if’ when it comes to literally everybody and their motivations. People’ll always hang themselves if you give them enough of the proverbial rope that is time—and honestly he isn’t any different, though he likes to think himself better. He doesn’t hide behind smiles and genial conversation and all those other bullshit social constructs that people like All Might like to put on to make the masses feel at ease; though he’ll never admit to it ever he’s like his father in that way. His smirk is lined with stilettos and his words are just as sharp and vicious. What you see with Dabi is what you get, and he doesn’t make for a very pretty picture.

Nobody in their right mind would ever want to get close to him, so it really freaks him out when you start showing signs of wanting him around for more than his pipework, like…

Are you a Commission plant, luring him into a false sense of security with copious amounts of orgasms and what is frankly the best damn sex he’s ever had in his life? Or perhaps you’re the family member of one of the many asshats he’s killed but never bothered with remembering their name if he ever knew it in the first place? Maybe you’re something far more twisted than even he, and you plan on trapping him in a dank basement somewhere so you can do all types of unsexy things to his charred body in the name of pseudo-science.

He’s not sure what your motivations are, but your walls are too fuckin’ good to give up without a damn good reason, so… He’s pretty sure he can take you if need be, so it’s fine.

But then it turns out you’re fueled by something that’s far too terrifying for him to have ever considered—you’re actually interested in him. As in him-him, as in Touya-him (tho naturally you don’t know to put that label on it, on him, no one does, he’s made damn sure of that).

What’s worse is that some ill-advised part of him wants to give you exactly what you looking for. He knows that he can’t, obviously—that’d put both of you in far more danger than you’re already in—but at the same time he’s in things too deep to just fuck off now. But he should, he really, really should. You’re too damn good for him, for this shitheap of a world, honestly. Who is he to come along and sully you? To drag you down in this pit of hatred and death that he’s dug himself into, to stain your skin with his blood soaked hands? Not once before you, not fucking once, did he ever give a shit about the lengths he had to go to in order to get his revenge, but now…

He’s not stupid enough to think he has a right to absolution, doesn’t allow himself to wish for a remission of sins committed—it’s too late in the game for that shit—but he does wish that he had met you sooner. He has no idea when would’ve been a good time—maybe once upon another life, when you were both still kids, smiling and carefree, but that’s a past that never was. Your lives wouldn’t have synced up back then, hell they barely fit together now; your shared harmony is more cacophonous than anything, but he finds that he loves the clamor. Still, maybe if you’d been the one to find him once Enji had abandoned him then maybe he wouldn’t have devolved into the man he is today. He knows that you would’ve extended him a hand without hesitation, giving him shelter and solace, sweet as you are, as you’ve always been…

But in the same way that he knows that you would have loved him, even then, he knows that there’s no point in focusing on what could have been since it was not. But a man can still dream, yeah? And he’s taken to doing that a lot more since meeting you. Sometimes, when he allows his mind to wander it conjures up images of a future with you by his side. They’re never plausible, and how can they be when his skin is as smooth as porcelain and his mother is smiling and you’re wearing a ring and taking his name, a name that he himself is somehow okay with? Silly, stupid, painful fantasies, but a man can dream…

He wishes it was just the bomb ass sex, that he could mourn and move on from, but you’re under his skin and steadily moving deeper, settling into his very bones. He knows that he should get out now, before it’s too late and he really fucks things up in one way or another, but… If he’s being honest (and really he’s gonna have to get on that shit sooner rather than later) he knows that he’s already ventured well beyond the point of no return. All he can do now is hope and pray that he doesn’t take you with him when he inevitably burns himself alive in his quest for vengeance.

Experience || How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?

I personally canon Dabi as a big ol’ ho, but like only sometimes lol. He’s v. focused on his goals, so his sex drive takes a backseat more often than not, but when he does allow his carnal desires to come to the forefront…

Is slanging his thang all over town the safest option given how many wanted lists he’s on? Hell no, but nobody’s ever accused him of making quality life choices.

He fucks, and he fucks a lot. And since practice makes perfect, well… I think it’s safe to say he damn well knows what he’s doing.

Favorite Position || What it says on the tin.

CW for v. brief mentions of neck grabbing, spanking, and general rough treatment, but like ~lightly so~ lol (Reader receiving).

One hundo percent his all-time favorite is hitting it from the back.

Just the thought of you on your hands and knees, back arched and throwing it back like your gd life depends on it is *chef’s kiss* He will absolutely grab a fistful of your hair, or better yet get a hand around your cute lil neck, and just lay into you. Also expect lots of smacks to your ass because he loves to hear you squeal for him.

Other than that he does like having you ride him, preferably in that good reverse cow ish. Look he’s an ass man, okay? He loves having your cheeks pressed against him, gets off on sinking his fingertips into the flesh of your undulating hips hard enough to bruise. He’s taken in by the wave that your body makes as you fuck him, the light sheen of sweat that coats your back. Don’t be surprised to feel his fingers tracing patterns into the mist, patterns that may seem nonsensical to you, but if you were able to concentrate on anything other than the feeling of his cock hollowing you out you’d realize were declarations of devotion, possession (mine-Mine-MINE).

Rounding out the top three is spooning. He thinks it’s sappy of him, but like… Having your back pressed against his chest as he lazily pumps into you is everything tbh. He only does this in the wee hours of the morning, when you’re both caught in the haze that exists between slumber and waking. His hands are unexpectedly soft—cautious—as he settles your leg over his and slides into you, your shared rhythm languid as you enjoy being connected so intimately. This is one of the only times he’ll allow himself to say that he loves you, though he’s only mouthing it against you neck, his voice caught in his throat, the muscles there strangling the words before they can dare to breach the air. Saying it aloud would manifest it, or so his thinking goes, and he can’t afford for such sentiments to be real. Not when he is who he is, not when he knows how things are destined to end for him.

He’s a cruel bastard, and no doubt about it. He’s already taken so much from you, but to force you to bear the burden that is his feelings for you is a step beyond. Even the most fucked up of villains have their hard limits. There aren’t many lines left in his life at this point, but this is certainly one of them—perhaps it truly is the only one left, he honestly isn’t sure anymore, but whatever the case may be it’s the only one that he’ll never dare to cross…

Goofy || Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, relaxed, etc.

Dabi laughs a fair bit in bed, but it’s usually at you and not with you.

His chuckle is a dark and rolling thing that curls around and flows through you to leave you a flustered mess every time without fail. He’s such a cruel and teasing bastard, but in the best of ways. He’s always taunting you, making you beg—but we’ll get into all of that in ‘U’.

Aside from that, he lands on the more… not really serious side, it’s more so that he’s really focused on what he’s doing. He’s more worried about getting the reactions that you’re both craving, so if that means he’s gotta hit you with a witty one-liner that’ll leave you snickering then so be it. That’s rarely the vibe with him tho, so don’t expect to be laughing too often…

…well unless he decides to tickle you.

He’s got a bit of a sadistic streak on him, so sometimes he’ll just start feathering his hands along your ticklish areas while he’s giving you head and it’s so weird? Like bruh wtf?? Asshole just likes to get a rise out of you, plus there’s the bonus of having you writhing harder than usual; fucker gets off on you struggling, ig. But what’s really annoying is how strong he is. Looking at him you wouldn’t think he could pin your hips down with one hand, but fuck around and find out lol. He’ll somehow manage to keep you in place, his mouth still putting in that good work, while his other hand keeps on tickling you and it’s annoying as hell. Luckily he’ll stop before things get too uncomfortable, but still. He doesn’t know why you put up with his irritating ass, but he’s glad that you do.

Lol, jk, he know his dick bomb and you couldn’t stay away even if you wanted to, which let’s be real—you don’t. Dabi’s a mistake that most people are all too eager to make at least twice. It’d be sad if he wasn’t likewise hooked on you, but good luck trying to get him to admit to that shit aloud unless you tie his smug, bratty ass up and fuck the confession outta him, but I digress…

Hair || How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.

Given that his cock is still intact and functional it’s probably a safe guess to say he still has pubes? Maybe?? Idk, his skin grafts are weird, man. If he does I can see him keeping that shit trimmed just because it’d get on his nerves otherwise. That you benefit from it is just a happy bonus.

He dyes his hair—or at least he did—so the curtains don’t usually match the drapes. Actually, even without the dye it doesn’t match. Idk what fucking color his hair actually is; when he was little it was red and now it’s white, like??? I’ve since been informed that his hair started going white when he was a kid due to some medical reasons which more than likely means that all of his hair has since followed suit, but, I refuse to let go of the crimson pubes theory because that shit’s funny af to me. A weird hill to die on, but I’m making my stand nonetheless.

But seriously tho, just imagine seeing him naked for the first time, like… He’s expecting you to be put off by all the staples and charred skin, but all you can focus on is that damned thatch of red hair lmao. When you inevitably question him about it (and how can you not, it’s just. So. Red.) he’ll just roll his eyes and tell you you’re a fucking weirdo–

“But if you’re that interested, doll, you might as well get a lil closer. Open that pretty little mouth of yours and I’ll make sure you get a real good look.”

Intimacy || How are they during the act, the romantic aspect…

If it’s just a hit it and quit it type deal he’s getting himself off and getting gone. If he’s feeling generous he might be inclined to stick around long enough for the other person to cum too, but tbh he’s one of those “Well I got mine” kind of assholes lol. Luckily for his past partners, Dabi’s good with his hips so they usually ended up getting off without him having to do anything extra.

But you, you’re his baby, so your pleasure is his pleasure and vice versa. Dabi’s version of romance isn’t that typical gooey sweet fluff that one might attribute to the word (tho it can be in those rare moments of softness that become far more common the deeper he falls into it with you), but more so in his attentiveness. His aftercare can use some work, but when he’s in the moment? You’ll never feel more cared for. It doesn’t matter how rough and nasty things get you’re always gonna feel safe in his hands, he’ll made damn sure of it.

One bit of softness that he indulges in more regularly is hand holding. Missionary is a position that you always end up in at some point during just about every session, and when you do he’ll thread his fingers between yours and it’s just so sweet? Well usually. Sometimes it’s this tender thing, others he’s using this connection to pin your hands down as he fucks you hard and deep. But regardless of which it is, there’s always gonna be something soft syruping around in his eyes, an amalgamation of emotions too complicated to parse out, but easily defined by a four lettered word that he’s still too scared to say.

Jack Off || The Masturbation Headcanon™

I know I said he was a ho before, but like he also has his shit in check.

Dabi’s a man on a mission and he’s not gonna let his libido get in the way of that. He’s got shit to do, yanno? He’s only out there wetting his dick when he has the time to, and when he doesn’t he’s usually too focused on whatever it is he’s doing to worry about being horny. Once he’s got the time to actually focus on such things he doesn’t actually jack it all too often. It’s not like it’s hard for him to find a partner to lend him a helping hand, or willing hole as is his preference.

Oddly enough once you two are a thing he actually finds that he has to masturbate more often as finding a random for a hook up somewhere nearby is no longer an option, and you’re not always a viable option (be that because of distance, his needing to lay low and not drag the law to your doorstep, etc.).

Masturbating isn’t overly enjoyable for him, in fact he actually gets p. annoyed when he has to resort to it. He’d much rather be buried inside you than thrusting into his own hand, but again that isn’t always possible. Sometimes his activities keep you apart for long stretches of time, and even when you’re together sometimes you’re just not in the mood, or too tired or whatever and that’s okay too; it’s not as if he expects you to fuck on command or anything like that.

When he has to take care of himself it’s a pretty efficient affair. He’ll lube himself up and get to work, moving at the pace he knows will get him off the quickest, his mind digging through the vast catalog that is his spank bank until he finds something that does it for him. Unless he’s trying to entice/tease you he’s actually quiet, usually biting down on his shirt to muffle any stray moans and hisses that manage to slip through. Though he’d like to blame practicality for all of this, really the habit was picked up back when he was still under his father’s tutelage. Enji believed such activities to be distractions, but knowing that the release would be necessary for the growing boy he basically told him to get it over with as swiftly as possible and yeah…

Sheeeesh, there’s just so much to unpack there, isn’t it? From what I’ve gathered it seems as if Endeavor has some type of familial redemption arc going on, and good on him for trying to make things right even if it’s well after the damage has been done (it’s never too late to do better, after all), but still… At least let Dabi kick him in the gooch one good time. (Yes, I am vaguely aware of what he actually did do, and it was fucked, which is why I’m offering this alternative lol.)

Kink || One or more of their kinks.

CW for detailed descriptions of choking, fear play and all that entails (including a v. brief mention of knifeplay as well as shades of CNC), as well as degradation and all that entails (including a v. brief mention of spit). Exhibitionism is also a thing that’s discussed. These are all found in their respective sections (tho the fear play naturally blurs into the choking bit as well).

Unsurprisingly this fucker is kinky as hell. It should be said now that these particular kinks are… a bit more extreme/dark in nature. Aside from the cock warming that I threw in at the end because I am a self-indulgent little shit, exhibitionism is the mildest one on the list, so that should tell you something lol. So if you read the title and think ‘Yeah, no, that’s not for me’, then yeah, no, it’s not for you.

That said anything mentioned here would only be engaged in if all parties involved are abundantly enthusiastic and willing because while Dabi may be a giant fucking asshole—by both consensus as well as his own admission—he is not one for forcing shit like this. That would be v. wrong and unsexy of him, and he’s not with that fuckery.

Anyways!

I don’t have the time to lay out everything I think he’d be into, but a top five (made in no true order) list seem to be the best way for me answer this one in the most succinct manner possible, so without further ado, leggo.

1 || Exhibitionism

CW for—you guessed it!—public sex. …It should also be said that ya boy isn’t above making death threats (and promptly following through on them) if someone takes issue with him taking you…

This asshole is the type to take you any time and any place. Clubs, back alleys, on the gd train—he really does not give a fuck (well, he’s certainly giving you the fuck, but you know what I mean). If someone’s foolish enough to try to confront you he won’t hesitate to reduce them to cinders, if he can do so without drawing the attention of any cops or heroes, naturally. He’s not too keen on the prospect of either of you doing time, especially for something as lame as this. Thankfully it hasn’t ever come to that as usually all he has to do is flash a palmful of blue flames and folk know to back the fuck off.

Potential for homicide aside, he loves the thrill that comes with doing something so inherently taboo. Plus he’s a giant fucking showoff. He knows that there isn’t any other person out there that can do what he can, no one else who can lay claim to your body as masterfully as he, and he wants the world to know it too.

Annnnd there’s also a not-so-small part of him that wants the world to know that you’re his just as much as he’s yours, but shhhhh, we don’t talk about that bit lol… If you thought you saw his softer side showing shut the fuck up no you didn’t. >.>

2 || Choke me like you hate me, but you love me~

CW/TW for choking, obviously lol…

This one’s p. self-explanatory, I think. Dude likes having his hands around your neck, plain and simple. He relishes the deep, creeping fear that syrups around in your teary eyes, lives for the way you gasp and writhe under his grip…

If you let him he’ll squeeze until the delicate skin there blooms with bruises that match the curve of his palm; until you’re clawing desperately at his hand, your rapidly constricting lungs begging for just a sip of oxygen; until those pretty little eyes roll back and you cum so hard that you go limp under his still rutting hips…

Yeah, as you can imagine safe words/actions are very much a thing you have to incorporate into your sessions.

And with turnabout being fair play, as they say, he’s v. much down for you returning the favor. Go as hard as you like because homie can take it just as good as he gives it—in fact if you’re not squeezing tight enough he’ll grab your hand in a bid to get you to shore up your grip. He won’t be happy until his vision is dancing with little black spots and his lungs have all but emptied out.

Naturally this isn’t something he’ll engage in to this degree unless he has the full trust of his partner and vice versa.

3 || Fear Play

CW/TW for brief mentions of stalking (in a predator/prey kinda way), knifeplay, and what can pass as CNC if ya squint.

Were he more introspective he might worry about what this particular kink says about him.

Like he adores you, right? Always wants you to be happy and safe and smiling–

But on the other hand your fear is so deliciously beautiful.

It should feel like breaking you, seeing the terror that etches itself into every part of your being when you play like this—it does feel like breaking you, and maybe that’s part of the appeal. Even if you’re a villain yourself, Dabi is convinced that you will never be as wicked a creature as he. It doesn’t matter if you just went on a whole ass killing spree and are still covered in the resulting blood—he sees you as something better, something more. So to rip into that perception, to turn you from a thing to be protected into prey… It just hits different and oh-so-good and god, he really is fucked up isn’t he? But he knew that already and so did you, so there’s no point in shying away from it now.

It doesn’t matter if he’s stalking you through the city’s seedy back alleys, sneaking through your window and breathing a threat into your ear as he presses a nearly scalding hand over your mouth when you least expect it, or fucking you with a blade just millimeters from sinking into your flesh—he’s gonna revel in your fear, licking away your tears as he promises not to hurt you too bad–

“–so long as you keep being my good little doll. Now whimper for me some more, sweetheart…”

4 || Degradation

CW for exactly what it says on the tin. Dabi’s a mean SOB, so name calling, rough treatment, and humiliation are all par the course.

Dabi can be downright mean when he wants to be—which honestly is like 87% of the time. Definitely the type to step on you while calling you all sorts of names (whore, slut, cocksleeve, needy bitch, just his little hole to fuck), maybe rough you up a bit, spit in your mouth…

Yeah, shit gets nasty.

Of course he’ll only go as far as you’re comfortable with, so expect a very involved conversation about boundaries and limits once you start getting that work on the regular. He’ll also want to field test things right afterwards, if you’re that way inclined; if not he’s gonna go rub one out—very loudly, hell maybe even right in front of you because this asshole has NO shame, in hopes that it’ll get you hot enough to reconsider lmao…

This particular kink usually makes itself known in short order, but what a lot of people don’t know is that it goes both ways.

Tell him that he’s just your little fuck toy with no worth outside of the pleasure he can give you and he’ll damn near nut on the spot. Is this a healthy dynamic/coping mechanism? Nah, probably not and he knows it, but you can’t help what gets you hot, ya know? Were you anyone but who you are to him he doesn’t think that he’d be okay with it, honestly, but he feels safe with you. He knows that you see him as something more than a thing to be used, that you’re just as deep into things as he is, and that allows for him to explore this space.

If you do decide to indulge him, don’t do so too frequently. He’s five feet and nine inches of emotional baggage, so that which is cathartic can just as easily turn poisonous if not handled with care. Honestly this is something that only someone who really knows what they’re doing should attempt, imo. At any rate, when you finish the session make sure that you love up on him extra good because he’s gonna drop hard and he’ll really need the reassurance and care.

5 || Cockwarming

Think of this as a little palate cleanser after all that deliciously dark sinning lmao.

This is a kink that he didn’t know he had until the first time you guys did it, and said time wasn’t even on purpose—he was just too tired and injured to fuck you properly, but being the stubborn asshole that he is he insisted on trying anyway. Cue him plopping you down on his lap, but not being able to lift his hips because separated ribs are a goddamn fucking bitch. You were ready to end things there, maybe get him off with a lil suck and tug before finishing yourself off and calling it a night, but…

He held you in place, a dreamy look on his face that you would’ve attributed to the painkillers he’d gotten from god knows where, but his breathing had deepened and his dick was kinda twitching inside of you?? Ofc this set your walls to fluttering around him, which in turn got him going even more and yeah. Y’all got caught up in that loop of gentle pleasure real quick lol.

That first time he was content to just lay there with you until he finally dozed off. It was v. cute and intimate and all that good noise, but as you’ve probably guessed that’s the exception not the rule. Pretty much every time since then has involved him being a teasing little shit. He’ll play with your clit/cock just enough to get you to shuddering around him, but not enough to cum; those wicked and clever fingers of his opposite hand will be just as busy, either with keeping your hips still or with groping at your body and playing with your nipples. It really is just a whole ass terrible thing, but you’re here for it.

He especially likes to do this when he wants to get it in but you have work to do. It’s an incentive to work faster and more efficiently, or so he says, just a promise of things to come once your responsibilities have been sorted. You know he’s playing you, with his smug little shit-eating smirk, but dammit if you’re not gonna let it happen lol.

But ofc it’s not all teasing. He really does adore you and sometimes he just wants you close. When he’s in his feelings like this he’ll lay back with you on his chest, cock buried deep as he runs his hands along your spine with slow, measured strokes. Return the favor by playing with his hair or running gentle fingers along the lines of his scars and you’ll damn near bring him to tears. And if you hum/sing to him—game fucking over. Doesn’t matter if you think you’re any good or not, he’s gonna be so fucking enamored with you that he’ll swear he’s being serenaded by a chorus of heavenly beings. A bit fanciful, that, but it makes sense to him—whether you know it or not, you’re his angel, the one saving grace he has in this fucked up world…

Location || Favorite places to do the deed.

Anywhere he can get it in is his favorite place, tbh. But if you just force him to pick it’s definitely gonna be your home. Doesn’t matter where in said home, but like…

Deep down Dabi just wants a bit of domestic bliss. Given what he is he knows that’s not exactly possible, but that doesn’t stop him from playing at it whenever he gets the chance. You’ve made it clear that your home is his home too, and dammit if that’s not all he’s ever wanted. He has a place here, space to stretch and grow and be himself, flaws and all. He has no idea how you do it, or why you do it for that matter, but he’s so very grateful nonetheless.

Ten times out of ten whenever he’s taking you at your spot his mind’ll conjure up imaginings of a different sort of life, one where the pair of you can be together without any fear or baggage weighing you down. It’s an alternate reality that will never come to pass, he knows, but it’s still nice to think about…

Motivation || What turns them on/gets them going?

Touch him.

That’s it, that’s all I got folks. Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk. Get home safe.

But really, this boy is touched starved all to be damned, so simple touches really can do him in. He’s not a horny teenager, so you’re (usually) not gonna get him going from a simple brush of skin against skin, but tbh if you’re touching him with any sort of affection he’s gonna get at least a little turned on. It’s not his fault—you’re, well, you. You’re beautiful, both inside and out, and he’s so damn taken with you that he honestly doesn’t know what to do with himself half the time. Add to that the fact that he hasn’t had anyone touch him with any level of warmth since he was a v. small child and…

Look, just don’t be surprised if every once in a while he pops a boner while you’re playing with his hair or something equally innocuous is all I’m saying.

The longer you’re together the less effect casual affectionate touches have on his libido, but let’s not get it twisted—dude’s still very touch motivated. Feather your fingers over the seams in his skin, run your tongue over the shell of his ear, or brush your ass against any part of him and he’ll be all over you within moments.

No || Something they’d never do/turn offs.

Though he’s a kinky fucker, the one thing he’ll never ever do is share you.

Dabi does not share—anything, at any time.

You’re his not really-but totally very much, definitely so partner and he’ll be damned if he gives some other asshole leave to even so much as glance at you with a hint of interest.

This is a two way street, btw. Once you’re unofficially official, he’s not fucking with anyone else. Hell that’s honestly how he knew he was in shit too deep. He tried chatting up some attractive rando outside of a club, but before he could get too into things all he could think was how much of a disloyal bitch he was being. How could he ever even consider looking at anyone that wasn’t you?

You, who’s too sweet and kind and beautiful both inside and out for their own damn good… You, who despite having excellent taste in literally every other aspect of your life, had chosen to lower yourself by allowing him into your world, your bed… You, with your cute smiles and annoyingly endearing habits and perfect body and delicious moans…

He’s too selfish a thing to warn you away from him, too self-indulgent to ever give you cause to send him away. So if that means keeping his dick outta anyone that isn’t you then so fuckin’ be it.

Oral || Preference in giving or receiving, skill level, etc.

At the start of things Dabi would rarely go down on you. The way he saw it, head was just something that was done to get his partners going. Most times he could get by with just a lil finger work, as the people he was hooking up with were usually already raring to go, and those first few times you weren’t much different. That heady mixture of adrenaline and genuine attraction coupled with the newness of things meant that it took very little to get you ready to take him, and that suited you both just fine for a while. Once things became a bit more habitual, however, he found himself wanting to give you something more.

Ngl, his first attempts were kinda clumsy and sloppy and rushed, but thankfully for you both Dabi’s a fast learner. He studied and cataloged your reactions with an astuteness fit to rival Midoriya (albeit with less muttering and notepads involved lmao). It doesn’t take long for him to figure out just what he needs to do to reduce you to a shaky mess within minutes.

But naturally receiving’s a different beast entirely—he’s been down for that shit from jump. Definitely loves to face fuck you, thinks the way you gag and drool around his cock is just *chef’s kiss* Will totally shove the whole of his length clean down your throat and just hold it there, enjoying the way the muscles flutter around its girth and your reflexive lil swallows, until your need for oxygen demands he pull back. But really he’s only gonna let you take a few shuddery breaths before he pushes back in because the sight of you about to knock out from sucking his cock is just too damn pretty. And he prefers his head sloppy, like grossly so, so don’t be embarrassed about how wet/messy things get, not that he’s gonna leave you much choice in the matter lol.

Pace || Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.

When you first start out, things are always rough, but the speed varies.

That very first time—back when he was still living in the blissful ignorance of thinking of you as nothing more than a casual hook up—he was ready to get in, get off, and get gone. But the minute he felt your warmth around his cock he knew he had to take his time with you. He went in hard and rough, but did it at a pace that had you begging for more damn near from jump (which just lead to him fucking you deeper, not faster, btw lol). What was only meant to be a twenty minute affair, tops, became an all-night thing that left you both exhausted, soaked, and sore. This became the norm for y’all for a while, with him only going at things super fast when your schedules demanded it.

As the pair of you got closer he found that he didn’t mind going a bit softer from time to time. At first he claimed he was just tossing you a bone, sparing your dignity so that you didn’t have too bad a limp that following day, but you knew better (just like you knew not to comment on this or any of the other little ways your not-a-relationship relationship had been evolving). Eventually you guys reach a place where pretenses are dropped and he can make love to you as slowly and sensually as you want without him falling too deeply into his head, but unsurprisingly it’s gonna take a while for you to get there.

Quickie || Their opinion on quickies versus proper sex, how often they indulge, etc.

He doesn’t really have strong feelings on them one way or the other.

Naturally he does prefer proper sex but sometimes all you have time for is a quickie, and that’s just that. As for how often it’s really just whenever your schedules demand it. Quickies aren’t something he goes out of his way to initiate, if anything he’d rather wait until he can give it to you good and proper, if you’re that way inclined. But sometimes you just need to get that work before work, he knows this, and is p. much always willing to oblige.

Risk || Are they game to experiment, take risks, etc.

As you’ve probably gathered from ‘K’, Dabi’s no stranger to risk and experimentation. Chances are if you wanna try it, he’s already done it at least once. He prefers a partner that can keep up with him, which doesn’t necessarily mean that he needs you to have a lot of experience—in fact he’d be lying if he said the thought of corrupting you a bit didn’t get him off—but rather that he wants someone who’s at least open to trying things, ya know? If you’re willing to meet him halfway, he’ll certainly hold up his end of things. Even if you end up not liking something he’ll be hella proud of you for making the attempt which will lead to him spoiling you and that’ll lead to him burying his head between your legs yet again and yeah…

Stamina || How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last?

CW for talk of the aftermath of Dabi’s quirk trying to slow roast him. I don’t go into too much detail at all, but I thought I’d put this here just in case.

Providing he hasn’t been using his quirk too much beforehand his stamina’s pretty good; this is due in large part to his propensity for teasing. Dude can and will edge you for ridiculous lengths of time, be that with his mouth/fingers or cock. Nine times out of ten he will outlast you even if it’s purely out of spite lmao.

That said, he can definitely get on some Energizer Bunny shit if you catch him on the right day. Once you’re together-together he’s definitely the type to recharge between sessions with a break and lil snack or even a nap, all done so that he can fuck you until night bleeds into a new day. It should also be said that he isn’t above using a cock ring if his body looks like its gonna give up the ghost before he’s ready. But not every encounter can be a sex marathon, more’s the goddamn pity, in which case he’s good with just racking up a few orgasms between you before calling it for the night.

But looping back to how this all relates to his quirk—using his fire really takes it out of him, though you never knew how badly it affected him until you were p. deep in your relationship.

Your seeing him like that, all worn down and overheated, is the absolute last thing he wants, and the first time it happened it was completely by accident. Like he came to crash at your place because it was comfortable/safe, and he was fairly certain that you weren’t due back for several hours; by then he’d be mostly okay, or at least okay enough that he could write his sorry state off to general fatigue and not his body trying to cook itself alive. He was posted up in your bathroom tending to a seam that had partly ruptured when he heard you keying in. He knew that he didn’t have time to make himself presentable, so all he could do was hope that you’d just popped in to get something you’d forgotten before fucking off again.

But of course his luck had never been that good.

With no recourse left to him, he explained the intricacies of his quirk with a resigned sullenness, answering your questions and addressing your concerns as best he could. It ended up being a somewhat tense exchange because you were obviously concerned, as any loving partner would be, and the casual disregard he showed over it all was kind of maddening. Still, you knew that his lack of care was more of a coping mechanism that he’d probably never shake in full (unsaid was the fact that you were well aware that not even his love for you could keep him from throwing himself headlong into his goals). And so, instead of turning the whole thing into what would’ve been one hell of a nasty argument, you opted to help patch him up and cool him off as best you could and that was that.

Typically he isn’t really trying to fuck so soon after he’s roasted himself, but on the off chance that he really wants it he’ll let you take the reins. Please be gentle with him, he’s so fragile when he’s like this—both physically and emotionally. He’s risking so much in allowing you to see him in such a weakened state so please handle his trust with care.

Toy || Do they own toys? Do they use them on themselves or their partner?

Honestly he’s not super into them.

Like he’s not against them and will use them from time to time, but he prefers to be the sole provider of your pleasure. So unless you’re doing something that absolutely requires outside aid he’s not gonna break out the toy box.

That said the pair of you do acquire a small collection—mostly vibes, a few plugs, some cock rings, rope, blindfolds. It’s all p. basic stuff, with the wildest thing being a spreader bar, which again is on the milder side of the kinky scale, I think. He’ll also get you a strap if you don’t have a dick of your own because while he prefers to be in charge a good portion of the time, he cannot deny that he lives for the days when you bend his bratty ass over and take him to task.

Unfair || How much they like to tease.

Dabi is a huge goddamn tease. I would invite you to try to change my mind if I wasn’t spitting straight up facts.

Your only real saving grace is that he doesn’t have the willpower to (completely) deny you for as long as he’d like. He loves to hear you whine way too much, lives for the way your tears of desperation streak that pretty little face… All it takes is for you to give in just a little and he’ll give you what you want—tho it may not come in the form you want. Were you begging to cum on his tongue? Well get ready to orgasm again and again and a-fucking’-gain. He’ll stop when he thinks you’ve had enough. Getting all weepy because you need his cock? He’ll grind it against you for what feels like forever, content to keep you on the edge and those tears flowing.

Conversely he loves a brat too. Breaking your kind is always so damn satisfying, but even if you’re able to hold out he’s gonna be all too ready to pipe you down because that type of defiance is just plain ol’ H O T . You think you can take his cock without breaking? Well get ready to eat those words as well as a copious amount of cum because he’s gonna fuck that smart lil mouth of yours until you go hoarse. Every other hole you’ve got is getting the exact same treatment, btw, so I hope you’re ready to be reduced to a walking wet spot. Or maybe he won’t give you the honor of his touch, maybe he’ll just tie you up and force you to watch as his long, slender fingers run along his thick shaft. He’ll keep going until you apologize and ask nicely for him to stuff you like the good little doll he knows you want to be. If you’re smart you’ll give in sooner rather than later, because once he empties his balls things are only gonna get worst for your bratty ass (which, lbr, is probably what you both want lol).

No matter what the deal is the teasing never really stops, but rather it switches gears. He’ll get at you for being such a needy little thing, so desperate for the least touch. All of your sounds of pleasure are like music to his ears, your writhing poetry in motion, but that won’t stop him from telling you how damn sad it is that you can’t even catch his dick without making a spectacle of yourself. God, he just so damn mean, but clearly we’re all here for it.

So TL;DR—he’s a teasing little shit from start to finish, but honestly would you want it any other way?

Volume || How loud are they? What sounds do they make?

Dabi’s not quiet nor is he overly loud—well, unless he’s trying to prove a point.

You want to get back at your shitty neighbor who loves to blast their music at crackhead hours? He’ll position your bed so that it’s right against the connecting wall before starting up that good headboard drumline lol. He’ll definitely make sure that that asshole knows both your names by sunup. Also isn’t above calling up any of your old flames or anyone else that may be looking to hook up with you so that they can hear how a real man takes his lover. ((Ugh, he so damn petty—I love it.))

When he’s not being performative his volume is p. standard, rising and falling with the session’s vibe. He’s definitely a talker, as we’ve established by now, but when he’s not busy running his mouth he makes some of the sexiest sounds ever. Moans that ripple along your spine, dark little chuckles that settle their weight into your gut, sighs and hisses that leave you clamping around him just to hear more… I’m honestly not sure which is hotter, but it’s all just as well as you never have to choose. If he’s feeling good—which he always is whenever he’s with you like this—then you’re damn well gonna know about it.

Wild Card || Get a random headcanon of my choosing.

One day long ago when the League was young, Toga and Jin wrote a really spicy friend fic (oh who am I kidding—that shit was straight up smut) about Dabi and Shiggy. That in itself is bad enough, yeah, but naturally that disaster duo had to take it a step further by reading it aloud to their little core group.

Or at least they tried to.

Naturally the MCs, being who they were, chose violence instantly. Meanwhile Twice kept making clones of Toga who had internalized the story and was reciting it by rote. By the time Dabi caught up to the main instigator (knife wife) and Shiggy got majority of his hand on clone husband they’d gotten pretty far into their tale. With the threat of just straight up death so close and quite literally at hand the pair relented, but it was a real Pandora’s Box situation for the two young men. It was weeks before they could look each other in the eye again lmao. But who could blame them? That shit was so damn graphic and detailed and annoyingly well written.

Neither of them could understand why the pair had thought so much about them fucking, and more disturbingly why they knew exactly what their dick measurements were? Like… how???

It didn’t help matters that there was always– not exactly attraction per se on Dabi’s part, but dude’s a thrill seeker. Fucking a guy that could end you with a single touch? Kinda hot. Meanwhile Shigs hadn’t ever considered the burned man to be anything more than a useful pawn/royal pain in his ass, but once the thought was planted he couldn’t not notice how infuriatingly attractive the fucker actually was. Needless to say he stamped that out real quick for several reasons, not least of all because to do anything less would mean that those two asshats won and he couldn’t have that lol.

Though their leader made them swear to stop writing that ‘weird ass, Google search page 76, freaky ass bullshit’ that didn’t stop the authors, tho they were smart enough to keep it away from their muses and really that’s the best anyone could hope for.

(Meanwhile Kurogiri out here really considering publishing some of their stuff—modified so as not to reveal anything of note—to help fund their schemes lmfao…)

X-Ray || How do they look with their clothes off?

Dick piercings.

That’s it, that’s all I got.

Honestly I would’ve thought that he’d never voluntarily want to get more bits of metal shoved into his flesh, but his numerous other piercings says otherwise. Personally I prefer him with a Jacob’s ladder, but whichever combo you find hottest he’ll totally rock. Freaky lil shit prolly has nipple piercings and a tongue ring too 😩

Aside from all of that he’s about what you’d expect. Thin, but fit, a mosaic of burns and flesh and scars, and a big ass dick lol. I just know his dick big y’all, I know it—I feel it in my guts heart. Dude’s totally got that big dick lean and the attitude to match and damn if he doesn’t have what it takes to back it all up…

Yearning || How high is their sex drive?

I’d say it’s about typical for a guy his age, tho it does fluctuate. Like I said back in ‘J’, he’s got his shit in check. When he’s focused on his… uhh, work? I guess we’ll call it?? he’s got himself on lock. Wrapped up in his goals as he is, he isn’t exactly worried about getting his dick wet during those times, tho once he goes from an ‘I’ to a ‘we’ that dogged focus wavers on occasion. It usually only happens when he’s missing you more than usual, which only happens when you’re apart for an extended period of time. This’ll lead to him rubbing one out if he can’t get to you directly before getting back to the (other) grind.

His sex drive’s probably at its peak when he’s frustrated. Before you came along this would usually end with him going on a sex jag—which to be fair he still does, but all of his energy and desires are focused on you and that is a terrifying/sexy position to find yourself in. When he gets like this your best bet is to take some sick leave or vacation days or w/e, stock up on lube, and order some groceries because your ass is gonna be bed-bound for the next couple of days at least.

Zzz || How quickly do they fall asleep afterwards?

It really just depends. Some days he’s hella tired and will be halfway knocked out before he even fully pulls out, others he’ll be weirdly alert—like ‘I’m gonna go play Dark Souls, call out if you need me’-levels of alert—and others still he’ll be content to drift in the blissful languor that comes with the afterglow, holding you close and sharing breaths and kisses and sweet little whispers as he finally, finally allows himself to admit freely that he loves you.

Your arms are his home now and he can only hope that they’ll never drop, that you’ll never turn him away…

© notepadsandtealeaves, 2021 || Please do not repost, translate, or otherwise alter or distribute my works without my express permission. And for the love of god keep it away from Youtube and TikTok lol…

#((Immy does fan fiction: Plus Ultra Babies))#fun fact: the first time i tried to post this i used the beta post editor and boy howdy was that a bad idea #shit wouldn't let me save my draft #luckily i hadn't done too much yet but still wft tumblr??#anyways...#dabi x reader #dabi x gn reader #dabi x gender neutral reader #dabi x you #dabi imagine #dabi is touya #should i tag that as a spoiler? are there ppl that don't know this??#idk man--if so let me know #today i offer you something you never asked for #tomorrow? who knows #((lol that's a lie it'll be a whole bunch of nothing b/c this is the only thing i have written atm lmfaooooooooooo))

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svnflowervol666 · 4 years ago

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Ma Petite Chérie: Christmas Then (Harry Styles x fem!Reader)

Read more from this little universe, Ma Petite Chérie, in my masterlist!

Word Count: 6k

Summary: It’s the happiest time of the year, but it couldn’t be more miserable for Harry and Y/N.

Author’s Note: Reupload because it wasn’t working in the tags! Here is the first of two Christmas bits for Harry, Y/N and Tallulah! I’ve told you all that I planned on writing about Harry and Y/N breaking up early on in their relationship, so I decided to add a little Christmas spirit into the mix in honor of the season. I promise, the next part isn’t this sad. I always feel like I’m not that great at writing angst, mostly because it hurts my heart too much, but I hope I did this story enough justice. Feedback is greatly appreciated, it helps to keep me going and to write things that you guys actually want to read. Any who, enjoy! The next part will be up by the end of the month. Take care and TPWK.

Harry had never thought that a night out with his colleagues would cost him his world. It was supposed to be a celebration of another successful year at his job, nothing more. It was supposed to be dinner, a few rounds of whiskey with his team, and an early night back to the two girls he loved the most who waited impatiently for his return. It wasn’t supposed to be a trip to the club, where the bass in the speakers replaced Harry’s own heartbeat and made his mind temporarily forget where his priorities lied. He thought that he’d only be there long enough to not seem like an uptight asshole that didn’t care to have any fun, but alas. Harry can be quite the pushover, and quickly slipped into that inedbriated state that often persuades you to do things you know you shouldn’t.

Harry had certainly thought wrong.

Y/N, on the other hand, was only supposed to be gone long enough to clear her head. Steam was practically billowing out of her at lightspeed the night this all happened. It would later be referred to as “The-Incident-That-We-Don’t-Speak-About-Because-It’s-Painful-Too-Even-Think-About” in the future, but right now, it consumed her. Every little detail of that night and the argument that followed haunted her like a reoccurring bad dream that she couldn’t shake. The way he smelled like cigarettes from keeping his coworkers company on the club’s smoking patio, the way his eyes were glassy from one (or two) ((or three)) too many shots of tequila, the way he yelled at her. She had assured him that all she needed was time to think, and then she’d be back to talk. At the time, she had told him that she quite frankly didn’t want to even be in the same postal code as him, so she left. All that was in the duffle bag she packed in four minutes flat was her toothbrush, face wash, and enough clothes to get her through the weekend while she cooled off at her friend’s apartment.

She didn’t plan on being gone for sixteen days.

A lot had occurred to her in her time away from Harry. One, was that this was the first time they had fought. Ever. She’d always wondered if her time with Harry would ever stop feeling like a fairytale that only existed in novels and storybooks. Everything about the two of them was picture-perfect from its conception, and had somehow only gotten sweeter as the years had passed. She firmly believed that they weren’t like everybody else, those that put on a charade around others, but were unbearably miserable in private. She had started to think that maybe it was supernatural, the way that they fit together so perfectly that she thought no one else on the planet could make her feel the way Harry does, perfectly complete and peaceful. But it was turning out to be as simple as the age-old saying, life is not always rainbows and butterflies.

Two, was this really what Y/N wanted? She didn’t give it a second thought when it came to Harry having a child, quickly stepping into the role of being someone important in Tallulah’s life. And Harry let her, too. As cautious as he is about who he involves his daughter with, it was almost scary the way he let her in and allowed her to love and care for her. Yes, scary. Scary, because children are permanent and they are hard work and they include making sacrifices that sometimes don’t seem fair. So, Y/N had been asking herself if this was where she saw herself staying, as she had too big of a heart to become such an important character in Tallulah’s life to decide somewhere down the line that she suddenly didn’t want to be tied down anymore. It wasn’t fair to the poor girl, just a measly four years old, to have to go through losing someone that had promised to love her forever. Twice.

Deep down, she knew that this, Harry’s modest yet still lavish home with a pastel yellow door and vegetable garden out back that was often littered with dolls and abandoned sun hats from the cutest little thing that Y/N had ever seen, was where she wanted to be. But this brought her to the third thing she had pondered whilst she rotted on her friend’s uncomfortable sofa at 2 a.m. as she’d waited for her melatonin supplements to enter her system and send her off into a subdued state.

Could she ever forgive him for what he said?

It was just one week before Christmas. Harry texted her at least once everyday, Y/N only replying to the ones when he’d asked her if she was ready to talk, to which she’d tell him that she wasn’t, and that she promised she’d tell him when she was. Part of her stayed away from him for so long because she feared that somehow, deep down, the right thing to do was to stay away forever, and that was certainly going to be the worst day of her life. It would be for the better, Y/N thinks, if that is the case, but she’s trying very hard not to think about that being the endgame for her and Harry. Hence the inner turmoil that’s consuming Y/N’s body whole.

Sarah had promised her that Harry wasn’t coming. They sided with her on this one, she’d said, thus rescinding his invitation to her and Mitch’s annual holiday party. It felt somewhat wrong to be going to see Harry’s friends without him, especially given the fact that they’d more or less been split up for the past two weeks. But as much as they were Harry’s friends, they were also hers too. Harry really knew how to pick the ones he held closest - they were good people. He knows how to chose them because Harry is also a good person and Y/N knows this, and that makes it all the more painful when she pulls into the car park designated for guests of the condominium where Mitch and Sarah lived.

They’d seemed a bit off when they welcomed her into the sizey flat with the small, wrapped gift she’d brought for their exchange, but Y/N dismisses their seemingly rehearsed greetings as pity. Although the last thing she wants is to talk about Harry, she finds their condolences and overall presence soothing. She hadn’t seen much aside from her friend that she’d been staying with and her overweight, powder white cat these days, so human interracton in any capacity was refreshing.

Until it wasn’t.

The longer she stood in the circle of the others that came to the party, mindlessly nodding along to whatever was being said but not actually paying any attention, the longer she was left to sit with her thoughts. She remembers the three other times she’d come to Mitch and Sarah’s for this exact party, and how warm and loved she felt. Right now, all she feels is the cold radiating off of the sliding glass door that she’s leaning on and loneliness. To Y/N, it almost felt like everyone in the room knew what had happened to her and Harry. Like they were trying too hard to be cordial with her because they saw her as the girl that Harry yelled terrible things at and did terrible things too. It was overbearing and she had to get out before she exploded.

Finding aid in the very sliding glass door that chilled her to the bone, she wandered out on the patio to get away from the noise that was so loud yet so quiet at the same time. Tiny snowflakes coated the railing and the outdoor furniture, enough to illuminate her surroundings in an almost purple glow despite the time of night. If Tallulah were here, she’d convince Y/N to catch them on her tongue with her. Any other time, a thought like that would have made her smile, but right now it just made her sad. She wasn’t wearing a coat, yet she couldn’t find herself to care in this moment.

She wanted Harry. She wanted Harry there with her, whispering in her ear that Josie is full of herself and will say anything to get people’s attention and that he thinks they should ditch the party early so they can “warm each other up” at home. Despite the ache in her bones that wished for him, she couldn’t stop thinking about the last time she saw him.

“You’re lying.”

“Wha’ are you talkin’ about, Y/N?” he was swaying back and forth where he stood, clearly too drunk to keep his balance.

He almost sounded annoyed, but it was moreso because she’d interrupted his treck to the bedroom where his warm bed was waiting for him to ail his drunkenness and less because of her prodding.

“Clara was there, Harry. At the club. The one you forgot to tell me you were going to? She saw you. Talking to her. Any of that ring a bell?”

She made sure not to raise her voice in fear of waking up the toddler that had fallen asleep on the sofa waiting for her dad to come home so she could show him the ornaments she’d made with Y/N while he was gone, but he hadn’t come home when he’d promised her. Y/N wasn’t trying to fight, just get some answers. Yet here Harry stood, in their bathroom, lying to her face.

“Okay. So she was there ‘n we talked. We work for the same people. You’re not tellin’ me your mad that I talked t’ her about work, are yeh? Talked t’ her about work at a work party?”

“I’m not stupid, Harry. Stop doing that.”

Harry huffed in annoyance, as if her mere presence was beginning to cause his disdain.

“Then stop actin’ like it was somethin’ that it wasn’t. Swear t’ you. She came up to me, asked how Lulah had been, we talked about work for a second, and that was it. Fuck, even told her about you for christ’s sake.”

“I couldn’t care less that you talked to her, Harry. It’s the fact that you didn’t tell me you’d be out later than you said, went to a club, talked to her, the girl that broke your fucking heart, and I found out from a friend. And when I asked you about it, you lied. Do you see how fucking bad that looks?”

“Why don’t yeh ask Clara what she saw, hmm? Since you’re so keen on taking her word for it. She’s gonna tell you that nothing. Happened. I’m truly sorry I didn’t tell yeh I’d be out late. Didn’t think I’d be gone that long and just got carried away.”

Y/N was fighting tears now. He was talking in circles, unwilling to see her side and acknowledge that he’d done wrong.

“That’s what you’ve been saying for the past month, Harry. You’re always getting carried away with work and leaving me to take care of her. I can’t tell you how many times Tallulah’s asked why you’re always missing dinner and why you don’t go take her to her ice skating lessons or help her wash her hair anymore. She misses you. So do I. And then you go and do this. I know you’re busy this time of year but I also know you’re doing more than you’re being asked of, so don’t pull that shit with me. Would it kill you to come home every now and then and at least eat some pasta with your fucking daughter?”

Harry’s brows were furrowed together, eyes dark and half-shut in what was the beginning of a drunken rage. For a split second, Y/N saw a flicker of sadness within the deep green of his irises, but it disappeared as quickly as it came.

“Yeh say that like she’s a burden. ‘S that it? You’re mad that you have t’ babysit?”

“Harry,” Y/N warned him.

He was treading territory that would be hard to back away from once he took the first step.

“What? If it was that big of a fuckin’ deal, you could have told me that you don’t like keeping after her.”

“Jesus, it’s not!”

She was yelling now, unable to keep her emotions from getting the best of her. She looked after Tallulah like she was the one that had given birth to the four year old that slept peacefully on the couch, cuddling her stuffed elephant in place of her father.

“You know that I love her and that I’d do anything for her, but it’s different when you leave me alone with her all of the time. She needs you, Har. More than she needs me, and you’re acting like your job is more important than her. You have to be there for her, Harry.”

A nasty scoff left Harry’s chest that would haunt Y/N forever. She’d never forget what he said next.

“Right. Thanks for the parenting tip. Last time I checked you weren’t her fucking mu-”

“Yeh gonna freeze t’ death out here, ya know?”

The same voice that plagued her head pulled her out of reliving the events that landed her here, on a snow-covered patio, just as the first of what she knew were going to be many tears rolled down her face.

Y/N whipped her head around, frowning when she realized that Sarah and Mitch had lied to her and that they definitely had invited both of them to the Christmas party.

“Should have known those two were up to something,” was all she replied, quickly swiping the single, stray tear that stung her cheek as it touched the cold air.

“Jesus, you’re shivering. Here,” Harry began shrugging off his coat, ready to offer it to Y/N to keep her from catching pnuemonia.

She hadn’t realized just how cold she was. Her lips felt like they were going to crack at any moment, and she was almost certain it would take upwards of an hour for her to feel her toes again.

“Harry-” Y/N started, her voice sounding soft and defeated.

“Please don’t be stupid, Y/N. You’re gonna get sick.”

He spoke to her in the way that he would Tallulah when she refused to let him brush her hair after a bath, sternly insisting that she’d wake up with painful knots in her head if she didn’t let him run a comb through it. There was something comforting about it, but also something so incredibly sad about it all at the same time.

Reluctantly and without looking him directly in the eyes, she took the long, fur-lined coat from his hands, almost flinching when she accidentally touched pinkies with him. The coat was well-loved, ridden with his scent and most likely permanently stained with a little bit of spit up from when Tallulah was a baby. It smelled like home, Y/N thought.

There was a long pause between them, neither knowing what to say or where to even start. Y/N found herself missing Harry even more now that he was standing right next to her, brawny arms leaning against the frozen railing.

“How’s Lulah?” she asked, able to find her voice amongst the anxiety prodding every inch of her body.

Harry nodded as if to say she was alright, then cleared his throat.

“Good. Misses you.”

He wanted to tell her that he missed her, too. A whole fucking lot. But he was trying to prolong having that conversation in fear that it wouldn’t end the way he’d planned it in his head and she’d walk away from him forever.

“She asks about you every day. ‘Bout when you’re comin’ home. Said she doesn’t like how quiet it is without your music playing in the kitchen.”

She was crying now. Fat, wet, silent tears in the opposite of Harry’s direction so he couldn’t see. She missed hearing Tallulah’s raspy voice asking her question after question about where eggs come from and why anyone would dare take away someone’s babies the way farmers do with mummy chickens.

“I know you’re not ready to talk,” Harry began.

“But do yeh think you could at least come home? It doesn’t feel right without you there.”

Y/N did what she could could manage the tears streaming down her face like a waterfall, hoping Harry would think her face was just cold as she aggressively rubbed her cheeks with her fists.

She was ready to give in, seeing him in person immediately shattering any bit of strength to stay away from him that she had left. Maybe she’d find some clarity if she stopped sleeping on a pull-out sofa that did absolutely nothing for her already-bad back and went back to where she’d lived for over a year with the two people she felt like she’d spent a lifetime loving.

Slowly, her eyes went to meet his. She saw how tired he looked, for lack of a better word. Even though it was dark, the light from the snow accentuated the deep circles under his eyes. His hair looked like it hadnt been washed in days, the way it used to look when Tallulah was a baby that cried at all hours of the night. His posture was, to be quite honest, shittier than it normally was. Y/N knows it hasn’t been that long since she’d been gone, but she could almost swear he looked skinnier than the last time she’d seen him, given that the hollows of his cheeks looked concave and scrawny.

Just as she parted her surely-blue lips, ready to tell him everything she’d wanted to tell him for the past two weeks, the ringing of Harry’s cell phone caused them both to jump.

“Fuck,” Harry muttered under his breath.

“’M sorry. It’s mum. She’s got Lulah. Give me just one second.”

His eyes were pleading, almost like he was silently begging her not to run off if that’s what she was thinking of doing. Y/N’s ears perked up at the mention of his mother. She wondered if she knew about any of this. Surely she did, as Harry tends to confide in her for just about everything.

She was trying not to be nosy, but it appeared that Anne was speaking quite loudly, so it was a bit hard for her not to. She couldn’t make out exactly what she was saying, but she did hear one word. It was clear as day, and she knew immediately that something was wrong.

Raspberries.

Y/N’s head whipped around in Harry’s direction, and she saw the way his face was void of all color and his chest had started to heave.

“That’s never happened before. Did you give her the antihistamine?....What’s she sayin’?....Jesus Christ, mum. You have to calm down. Just go ahead and take her. I’ll meet yeh there. They’ll probably just have t’ give her a shot or somethin’....Mum, it’s alright. You didn’t know. Just get her in the car, please. I’ll be there in twenty.”

Harry clicked his phone off and shoved it in his back pocket, a sense of urgency taking over him.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’ve got t-”

“What happened?”

Y/N was just as worried as Harry was, feeling sick to her stomach that something clearly awful had happened to her.

“Mum’s watching Rosie, too. Lulah got into the bag Gem packed for her and ate somethin’ with raspberries in it. Said her throat feels scratchy, which is-”

“That’s not normal,” Y/N stated, being keenly aware of how Tallulah only ever tends to break out in a slight rash every time she eats the bright pink fruit.

“Yeah,” Harry replied.

“Y/N, I have t’ go. But I really want to talk t’ you. You don’t have t’ say anything back. Just hear me out, yeah? Please don’t disappear on me again.”

She wasn’t listening to him, only worried about the little girl with too many allergies and a keen interest in anything sweet.

“Can I go with you?”

Her voice was quiet, as if she were afraid of Harry telling her that she wasn’t allowed to see his daughter. She knew it was his decision and that she had to respect it, but all she wanted to do was hold her tiny body in her arms and tell her how much she missed her and that she was going to be alright.

Harry stuttered a bit, clearly not expecting her to ask him such a thing. Part of him was happy that she was willingly offering to be near him, but he supposes it’s only got to do with her worry for his daughter.

“I, erm, uh, yeah. Of course. Let’s go. Mum’s taking her t’ the hospital over by her house.”

He ushered her back into the warm apartment and back out the front door towards his car. They couldn’t even be bothered to acknowledge the stares thrown their way.

The car ride was quiet. Harry had left the radio off during his drive to Mitch and Sarah’s, too busy rehearsing what he was going to say to Y/N if she actually let him talk to her. Y/N sat with her knees to her chest, but opted not to turn away from him. That was a good sign, Harry thought. The heat was on, but Y/N was still freezing. She supposes Harry was right about her getting sick.

“Could you drive a little faster?” Y/N asked after some time, fiddling with the cuff of her jeans.

“No,” Harry retorted.

“It’s snowing, Y/N. Don’t need all three of us t’ end up in the hospital.”

She had half the nerve to roll her eyes at him, but she knew he was right.

“Hey,” Harry called out to her.

He started to reach over the center console for her hand out of habit, but felt his heart sink into his stomach when he remembered the state of their relationship and slowly retracted it. He thought she didn’t notice, but she did.

“She’s gonna be fine. Mum said she wasn’t even crying. Probably just needs a few shots t’ make the swelling go down.”

Y/N nodded instead of responding, sinking further into the seat but keeping her eyes on the snowy road ahead of her.

Silence took over again as they trecked through the snow towards Tallulah, with tension so thick it felt suffocating. From the corner of her eye, she saw a pair of Tallulah’s winter gloves tucked into one of the cup holders and she wanted to cry again.

But instead of doing that, she laid her palm face-up on the console, waiting for Harry’s eyes to catch them. When they did, he hesitated, flickering between her hand and her face. She still wasn’t looking directly at him, but he knew she knew he was looking at her.

He tested her first, lying his hand next to hers, but not touching. She didn’t pull her hand away, and he swears when he looked down, he saw her hand inch towards his as if she were coaxing him. Harry thinks this might be the last time he gets to touch her if she decides that she can’t forgive him for what he said, so he goes for it.

He laces his fingers with hers, feeling an overwhelming sense of relief take over his head and his heart when he finally got to feel her skin against his after what felt like centuries. She doesn’t wrap her fingers around his like he did to hers, her hand still lying limp against the arm rest, but he’s okay with that.

It isn’t until they’re pulling into the hospital that Y/N gives Harry’s hand a squeeze.

They were getting there. At least Harry hoped.

Y/N is physically unable to keep herself from smiling when she hears Tallulah practically squeal her name the second she steps into the room she’d been given. Her voice was deeper than usual, most definitely due to the accident that landed her here in the first place. Tallulah all but jumped out of her bed to greet her with a hug, which Y/N accepted without a second thought as she wrapped her arms around the small girl and sat with her on the bed, most likely staining Harry’s coat with the emollient cream they’d coated her rash with at the hospital. As if that coat could take any more beatings.

Harry watched from the corner, feeling somewhat out of place for whatever reason. He knew he owed Y/N an apology for what he said to her that night, and at that moment he felt like he owed Tallulah one, too. How could he say those things to her? How could he let his arrogance get the best of him and ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to him?

Anne briefed him while Tallulah had her mini-reunion with Y/N, letting him know they’d given her a few shots and could go home as soon as the swelling in her throat had gone down. She wouldn’t stop apologizing to Harry for causing her grandbaby harm, but Harry assured her for the twentieth time that accidents happen and that it certainly could have been worse. Anne soon sensed the tension between Harry and who she hoped would be her daughter-in-law one day, and told Harry she’d better get going because she’d left Rosie with the neighbor. Her eyes urged Harry to fix this shit at all costs because she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and Harry was not one to disobey his mother.

“Are you coming home?” Harry heard Tallulah ask Y/N.

He locked eyes with her for a split-second.

“Yeah,” Y/N sighed.

Harry felt his heart jump as he was now paying extra attention to the woman holding his daughter like she was the most precious thing on earth.

“Gotta make sure you get tucked into bed alright.”

And then it sunk.

“Will you be there when I wake up?” Tallulah asked with eerily familiar green eyes peering up at Y/N from her lap.

This time it was her heart that sunk.

“I....don’t know, Lulah. We’ll see,” she whispered, feeling tears pool in her eyes once again.

Y/N hid her face in Tallulah’s hair, for fear that Harry would see her.

“How’s Carrot, hmm? ‘S he doing good?” Y/N blurts out in diversion, hoping Tallulah would be more interested in talking about the fish Y/N had won her at a carnival a few years ago than where she stood with her and Harry.

Tallulah talked her ear off, filling her in on everything she’d missed while she was gone. She tells Y/N that their kale plant in the garden was huge now, seemingly sprouting overnight. She also tells Y/N that Rosie can walk now, or at least can wobble a few steps before falling down on her bum.

Harry watches as Y/N pretends like everything Tallulah is telling her is the most interesting news she’s ever heard. That’s what parents do, and that’s exactly what Harry had shouted at Y/N that she wasn’t. He had fucked up in the worst way and only fate could tell him whether or not he’d be able to fix it.

It was Harry’s turn to cry now, pretending to rub exhaustion out of his eyes rather than tears. Much like earlier when he’d instinctively reached for her hand, he’d hoped she didn’t see it.

She did.

Y/N kept her promise to Tallulah and tucked her into bed after she was discharged and sent home with a steroid pack and rash cream. She willed away the wave of nausea she felt walking into the house she’d shared with Harry after all of this time, telling herself that she just needed to make sure Tallulah knew she was at least there to tuck her in. She took turns with Harry, each of them running their fingers through her curls and telling her to have sweet dreams and that they hoped she felt better in the morning. Tallulah insisted that she was fine and wanted to stay up and talk to Y/N about what she thought Santa was doing right now and if he was going to bring her the glittery nail polish that she’d asked him for, but the sleepiness in her eyes told a different story.

“Do you want me t’ call Sarah and have her take you back to your car?” Harry asked when they returned to the living room where they’d entered.

“Figured we ought to have that talk,” she said, unable to meet his eyes for the umpteenth time that night.

“Yeah,” Harry replied in a tone that almost sounds like relief.

“We can definitely do that.”

The pair find their way to the couch, sitting faced towards each other, but not touching. It’s awkward and it makes Y/N want to fall apart because this is her Harry and she’s in her own home, yet it didn’t quite feel it.

“You hurt my feelings,” is all she says, picking at a loose thread on the sofa.

“I know I did,” Harry began.

“I can’t take any of that back, but I want you t’ know how sorry I am, Y/N. None of that shit was true. I should have told you I was gonna be out late. Shouldn’t have even gone out with them, t’ be honest. I couldn’t even tell yeh why I lied when you asked if I saw her there. Just didn’t want you t’ get the wrong idea, I guess.”

“Harry, I already told you that I didn’t care that you-”

“I know yeh did,” Harry interjected, “But I want you t’ know that I’d never even think about doing something like that t’ you. You’re quite literally the best thing that’s ever happened t’ me. Sometimes I don’t even think you’re real. I wouldn’t have made it without you. Neither would Lulah. And that...”

He pauses, trying not to burst into tears right in front of her. Y/N sees his jaw tensing, something Tallulah does when she’s attempting to calm herself down after throwing a fit. She isn’t sure why, but she begins to feel at ease the longer he talks. Maybe it’s just hearing the sound of his voice after so long or maybe it’s because he’s telling her what she’s been wanting to hear, what she was once afraid that she’d never be able to.

“That shit I said about you not being Lulah’s mum. That’s a load. I know you know that. You are her mum, whether she knows that or not. I’m sure she does... I know she does. You’ve been there for everything. You never complain when it gets hard. Yeh could’ve been doing anything else besides helping my sorry ass take care of her, but you didn’t. ‘M not sure if I’m doin’ a good job of convincing you to stay, wouldn’t blame you if yeh didn’t want to, but I really hope that you do. If you don’t, I still want yeh t’ know that you’re her mum. You’ve done things for her that she doesn’t even realize. She loves you so much, Y/N. And so do I. You’re the love of my life. Always will be. I don’t think there’s anybody else out there that makes me feel the way you do. You’re it for me and I need you t’ know that.”

He’s blubbering now, not caring that she sees the salty streaks subconsciously flowing from his dark and gloomy eyes. He felt it coming. She was going to leave. She was going to finish packing tonight and walk out of his life and he wouldn’t get to spend the rest of his life showing her how much he loved her.

That’s when he feels a hand on his shoulder. It’s light, but it’s meant to be comforting.

“Can it be my turn now?” her voice laced with tears as well.

Clearly it was a night for crying.

Harry nods, because that’s all he can do.

“I was frustrated, that night. I don’t think I should have made as big of deal out of you staying out so la-”

“No. You should have. I was being an ars-”

“Harry,” she pleads, “Let me finish, please.”

He lets out a shaky, “Okay,” and she continues.

“It’s not a big deal when you go out with your friends. You’ve just been so....absent lately and that was what set me off. When Clara called me that night it was just so, embarrassing I guess? I didn’t know what to say to her, and it obviously didn’t look good. But I know you wouldn’t do that to me. You’re a good person and a good dad, Harry. I hope you know that, even if you don’t feel like it right now. And the Lulah thing...that hurt. A lot. I know you’re stubborn and hate admitting that you’re wrong, so I’m going to let that speak for itself, but I’ve never once regretted anything that I’ve done with you two. I knew it would be different being with you, but I’ve never thought of any of this as a sacrifice or a burden. You guys make me so happy. I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much of a privilege this has felt like to me, to be able to watch her grow up and be a part of it. She is the most magical thing that’s ever happened to me. And so are you.”

Harry’s staring at her, still crying, sillhouette lit up by the lights on the Christmas tree behind her that’s decorated with the ornaments she made with his daughter on that dreadful night. He doesn’t want to hurt Lulah’s feelings, but he makes a mental note to throw them away the second he’s able to so he doesn’t have to think about this ever again.

“I love you, Harry. Please don’t ever lie to me again. Even if it’s about how many minutes you are away from the grocery store. I can’t take it. And I can’t stand to feel so far away from you like this. It’s....gross. And I hate it.”

He perks up at what she’s just said, wondering if she’s saying what he thinks she’s saying.

“You’re staying?” he sounds hoarse and both him and Y/N know he’ll wake up in the morning with a headache from how much he’d been crying.

“Don’t think I have it in me to leave, bubs.”

There’s the slightest hint of a smile on her lips, and Harry’s pulling her into his chest. She holds him as he weeps silently into her neck. The cloud of sadness that had held her captive like a nightmare rushed out of her body so quickly that she couldn’t quite process it. All she felt now were Harry’s arms holding her close and his blubbering into her hair about how he was sorry over and over again.

“I know you are,” Y/N cooed, scratching his scalp in the way that she knew calmed him down.

“‘M gonna keep sayin’ it until you believe me,” he whimpered.

“I do believe you, Harry. I promise. We’re gonna be alright.”

That seemed to steady him a bit as he collected himself. He still held her as his shaking breaths began to even out. He wouldn’t dream of letting her go ever again.

“We’re gonna be alright,” Harry repeated to her, his voice almost inaudible had Y/N not been as close to him as she possibly could have been.

She pulls back to brush the stray curls from his forehead, where she pressed her lips gently to his temple as if he was so delicate that he might shatter if she used anymore force.

This time it was Y/N that saw his face surrounded by the multi-colored lights strung around the fir tree they’d picked from the farm just days before they thought their world was ending. He was beautiful, from the crown of his hair to the tips of his toes, inside and out, she thought. Maybe he didn’t feel like it at the moment, but Y/N made a promise to herself that she’d spend the rest of her life proving to him that he was.

#harry styles x reader #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles one shot #harry styles angst #harry styles writing #dad!harry #dad!harry styles #dad!harry x reader #dad!harry styles x reader

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mask-of-anubis · 4 years ago

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my growing list of fic ideas

some of these are in works and some are just ideas, but anyway here they are

School Field Trip

The Anubis kids are on an upper year history field trip to see some of England’s most ancient monuments, but on the way there, the bus breaks down. The Anubis kids, Victor, and Sweetie get stranded at an old hotel in the middle of nowhere. They get mixed up in a mystery that for once they weren’t looking for.

HHA stand-alone movie vibes, where the context doesn’t really matter and the plot doesn’t relate to Egyptian mythology at all.

"You Are In Love"

Inspired by Taylor Swift's "You Are In Love." A collection of short moments between Nina and Fabian, usually in the middle of the night. Both intertwined and separate from the mysteries. During and post-S2 mystery. The late nights lift their awkwardness and their inhibitions. A visitation of their old stomping grounds.

Alone Together

One-shot series of conversations between pairs that aren't often left alone with each other. (Joy/Amber, Nina/Alfie, Fabian/Mara, Jerome/KT, Eddie/Willow, etc.)

Out of the Loop

S3 fic based on my post about Nina being the out of the loop remote friend that everyone calls to vent, but it makes Nina's lose her fucking mind hearing about everything and not being able to do anything. Calls usually end with Nina giving either really good or really horrible advice and the other person ending the call in a huff because they didn't want advice, they “just wanted someone to listen, god."

The Heist Pt. II: Halloween Heist

Mr. Sweet is bringing back Amun Academy’s All Hallows Eve Celebration, which, according to the Anubis kids, sucks. Jerome decides it’s time for the Heist Vol. II and enlists his housemates to help him create the best underground Halloween party ever. So help him God, he is going to become the king of heists and go down in history as the greatest party host of all time no matter how many watchful teachers or arguing housemates get in his way.

Part of the “Screw-it” Universe where all the kids are somehow in the same house at the same time and all the storylines/mysteries co-exist in a don’t-look-too-closely way.

Assassin Fic

The Anubis kids play Assassin.

In the “Screw It” Universe, where everyone exists in the house at the same time.

Secret Santa

The Anubis kids get matched up for Secret Santa. Literally my only goal is to give everyone a match that creates the most conflict possible:

Joy gets Fabian, Fabian gets Eddie, Eddie gets Patricia, Patricia gets Amber, Amber gets Jerome, Jerome gets Alfie, Alfie gets Mara, Mara gets Nina, Nina gets Joy

Detective Service AU

Nina and Eddie are private investigators/world-renowned detectives. They travel the world solving stolen artifact cases and murders (sometimes both). In their travels, they meet a whole host of characters from HOA. Some are regulars in the series: Fabian, Patricia, KT, Amber; and some are requesting services or are suspects: Joy, Mick, Mara, Willow, Jerome, Alfie

The high-profile Frobisher-Smythe artifact theft is a reoccurring plotline throughout the series.

Takes place anywhere between the 1920s to early 1940s, not sure yet. Sometimes Nina and Eddie have romantic vibes and sometimes they’re just partners with wildly different investigation styles. They also have on-going flings and romances with other characters (Fabian, Patricia).

Let It Snow-esque AU/New Years Fic

The end of the year is fast approaching and things are heating up for the Anubis House kids as they all part ways to accomplish their individual goals before they ring in the New Year.

Alfie and Jerome rush to complete their 2012 bucket list. Nina and Fabian battle holiday travel and the growing blizzard to meet each other for a promised New Year’s kiss. Eddie and Patricia have run-ins and arguments on their flight back to Liverpool from Eddie’s hometown. Amber runs all over town searching for a long-overdue Christmas present for Alfie. Mara tags along and tries to video chat with Mick for New Years, but he's unreachable. Joy plans a New Years party back at the house, but with the house empty she is hit with a wave of memories from her previous New Years spent alone.

#house of anubis #house of anubis fanfic #hoa fic #hoa fanfic

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trulyinspiringmovies · 3 years ago

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Annabelle Comes Home

“Annabelle Comes Home” makes it feel like this franchise is trying to transition from horror to teen comedy.

Mary Ellen babysits for Judy, the daughter of Ed and Lorraine Warren. The newfound attention the Warrens find causes Judy’s friends to back out of her upcoming birthday party. Mary Ellen is still determined to give Judy a great birthday party. Her friend, Daniela, decides to tag along with the ulterior motive to check out the Warren’s house. Daniela makes her way into a locked room and unknowingly unleashes the wrath of the Annabelle doll.

Every franchise wants to stay relevant. In order to do that, they must change and evolve. Stagnation will ultimately become stale and uninteresting, so movies try to change by branching out in terms of genre. “Annabelle” was a typical cursed doll horror movie. “Annabelle: Creation” was a period-piece horror origin movie. “Annabelle Comes Home” is a teen-comedy horror with less emphasis on the horror. It’s cool to see Ed and Lorraine Warren finally show up in a movie other than in the mainline Conjuring movies. I think they’re the best part of these movies and their inclusion in this one really helps solidify the interconnected nature of this franchise instead of paying lip service. Too bad that they show up for the first act and completely check out until the last scene of the movie. This movie is mainly focused on their daughter, Judy. Honestly, I think that’s a good sacrifice for Ed and Lorraine. It’d be interesting to see how their child would react to supernatural situations considering she grew up knowing about them. It’s especially interesting to see Mckenna Grace play Judy because she was one of the only good parts of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife”. Judy’s relationship with Mary Ellen is also heartwarming to see. Mary Ellen is the typical beautiful babysitter in these types of horror movies, but she’s never irresponsible or mean. She’s a person with a genuinely good heart and wants to give Judy a great childhood. Her friend, Daniela, is the typical bad influence, but she has her reasons for why she does the things she does. I thought she was going to end up being an annoying character, but I was endeared the moment her backstory was revealed. Mary Ellen has a crush on a guy named Bob and it’s reciprocated. He seems like a nice guy too, but his nervousness holds him back. These are all great characters, but the story makes the overall movie suffer. They’re put into dumb situations and made to do dumb things. The key to the forbidden room is just sitting on Ed’s desk. Daniela opens the Annabelle doll case because she wants to inspect it closer, even though there’s a big sign warning people not to do that. When these characters aren’t doing dumb things, they’re making dumb jokes. There’s this reoccurring joke with Bob where everyone calls him ‘Bob’s Got Balls”. There’s no real explanation for why they do. I think the filmmakers thought it’d be funny to say the word ‘balls’ or something. Even Ed says it at the end of the movie and it just comes out of nowhere. Like, how would he have even known that was a thing people called him? Bob has a conversation with a random pizza guy about how he’s supposed to woo Mary Ellen. He doesn’t ever take that advice. Instead, the pizza guy was inserted to be that weirdo, but ironically he acts like a person trying too hard to be weird, so it’s cringey. Bob also inserts himself into the second act and promptly runs and hides for the rest of it. He’s dealing with a werewolf and the movie barely cuts back to his experiences. Speaking of werewolves, yes, werewolves are apparently now a thing in this universe. There are also killer wedding dresses and ghost samurais. I could never, in a million years, have guessed that these would be the antagonists of an Annabelle movie. They had a good thing going with “Annabelle: Creation”. They were going in the right direction, but I think they’ve already exhausted any other option to tie plot points back to the first film. They’re out of ideas and they’re throwing anything against the wall to see if it sticks. It won’t. Not unless they want to stop fooling around and actually invest some money into competent filmmakers.

★★

Watched on February 6th, 2022

#Annabelle Comes Home #June #2019 #Horror #Thriller #Mystery #Supernatural #R #Gary Dauberman #February 2022 #2 stars

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fanwright · 4 years ago

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Gladiator: 200th Chapter Celebration

Tagging: @kigozula @seyaryminamoto

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Seyary, this is a great milestone for you. Just want to let you know that I’m happy for you and impressed by the work that you have done over the long years of writing this story. You’ve inspired others to get into Sokkla as well as to have fun with the ship. Its been a great pleasure!

When I first picked up this story, I was still in college and rediscovering ATLA. Gladiator, as well as your other stories (which I recommend that others read as well) really cemented my liking for this ship. Years later, I’m still here, though all the ups and downs.

Now, despite me liking Gladiator a whole lot, I’ve admittedly fallen behind on catching up with it, chapter by chapter. That said, I do want to read it at my own pace and as I read more I still find myself loving the story, as there is much to enjoy.

So, to that end, I’ll be commenting on the parts of the story I have been caught up with, Chapters 1 to 100. I hope that’s okay.

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1.) Favorite Character: Sokka

Now, this doesn’t mean I don’t like Azula. Of course not. And choosing one over the other is such a hard call to make that I would rather have them both occupy the same spot. But I decided Sokka in this case for a number of reasons. Others have commented on Azula in their own posts, so I thought giving my reasons for Sokka seemed only fair.

We’ve seen Sokka change a lot over the course of the story and I seeing him morph into the character he is now is such a stark contrast to the one we saw at the very beginning. He hated the Fire Nation and was unwilling to cooperate with Azula. And yet, after trial and error and harsh circumstance, we have seen become a great warrior in his own right and the closest companion Azula has ever had, being her secret lover. It has been such a treat seeing him change and adapt and grow in this story. And as someone who really does like him as much as Azula, it was (and still is) a thill to see him get an all-star treatment in a story.

And yet there are lingering complexities within him in this story, as far as I have gotten in it. There is still that awareness within him of who he serves and what he is doing, along with a nagging feeling of inadequacy that has hounded him at every turn. Bit by bit, either by his own efforts or with a little help, he is clawing his way forward internally to find some reconciliation. And I find that very compelling.

And also its fun to see him thrash gladiators.

2.) Least Favorite Most Dreaded Character: Ozai

Well, that’s not true really. I don’t dislike any of the reoccurring characters actually.

The best way to describe this particular choice is “Most Dreaded Character”. I chose Ozai for this one because I dread the moment in when he finds out Azula and Sokka’s little affair. Now, again, I’m only on Chapter 100, so things could have changed by now. Yet, I believe still that if Ozai finds about about all this... a lot is going to change for Azula, Sokka, and even the Fire Nation. He will be a consequential character in the chapters to come and dread to see the his wrath and what that will mean for everyone else. It will not be pretty.

3.) Favorite “Antagonist”: Toph

When I first picked up this story and saw Toph introduced as an adversary, I was hyped. Like, you have no idea how hyped and pumped up I was for them to brawl. And I was not disappointed.

See, for me, Toph represented more than just a metaphorical torn in both Sokka’s and Azula’s side for a good chunk of this story. She is at times a very compelling mini-villain, as if she is straight out of a Disney movie. She loves what she does and enjoys it, and knows just how powerful she is. And flaunts it in spectacular display. She has such a simple yet understandable motivation and was a very real threat to Sokka’s own life in the very first fight they were in. And despite both Sokka and Toph eventually learning to respect and even befriend each other, there was always the nagging thought that they would eventually fight again, and each one knew they wanted to win that rematch. Toph provided Sokka and Azula a reoccurring adversary to strive toward beating. Even as other gladiators came and went, they always knew Toph would be their biggest obstacle. So much build up was focused on training for that eventuality. And all of it was compelling enough to paint Toph as this great rival to them. Her being a part-time ally in some cases and even being a friend didn’t really change that until after they had fought a second time.

Its because of this that I now believe firmly that Toph should be used as an antagonist more, if a story needs one. She is just so fun and so good as villain that hope others come to use her as one in AUs.

As I read more, I’m sure this might change in time. But, even with all the fights Sokka has had, I firmly maintain that Toph was his greatest adversary on many levels.

4.) Favorite OC: Rui Shi

Honestly, I think this guy is a sprit animal to someone out there. He’s just a guard trying to do his job right and the person he protects consistently makes that job harder for him in the most ridiculous ways. “Oh great, my princess is in an affair with her Gladiator and that won’t stop fucking like rabbits. Joy.”

Honestly, this man needs a vacation. A long one. And Seyary hasn’t given it to him, because she likes to make his life hard. Rude.

For the longest time, I actually thought Rui Shi was much older than he actually is in the story. So until a picture of him was finally made, I pictured him as a 40 year old veteran with a graying mustache and beard. Even with how he actually looks, I wouldn’t be surprised if his job made him grow gray hair from all the stress.

Good OC, one of a few I like.

5.) Favorite Suitor: Zhao

Should probably be no surprise. Where I am at right now, he’s essentially the suitor to beat as well as having the ultimate Gladiator for Sokka and Azula to defeat. Azula even admired him at some point. Though that has changed, I feel that Zhao has his eyes set on courting Azula further. Its a move that Ozai would likely not object to, provided Zhao pulls off something grand to earn that honor. And although every suitor has made Sokka angry, I feel Zhao would anger him on a deeper level as his interest in Azula grows.

I look forward to seeing him more.

6.) Favorite Gladiator(s): Jet and Suki (For Chapters 1-100)

Jet being a brainwashed Gladiator highlighted a dark aspect to the games. He was also a brutal berserker when in the ring and one of Sokka’s most bitter adversaries. Suki to me was an interesting contrast to Sokka his situation with Azula. She was to me a kind of noble gladiator, an Amazon in the ring put gentle when out of it. Putting the canon characters in as Gladiators was always a treat for me and actually lends itself to some world-building.

7.) Favorite Gladiator-Canon Pairing: Sokka/Azula

This should not be a surprise :P

I could go on and on about it, but for the sake of brevity, I’ll keep things short. This should not be surprise because the driving force and the very soul of this entire story is about a warrior-princess falling in love with a tribal gladiator. Their differences and how they reconcile them, their fears and pain, their passion and drive, all propel this story forward. Things have changed in this story because of them and they themselves have changed because fate brought them together.

If that isn’t enough to make them my favorite, then I’m sorry I don’t know what else to say to convince you XD

8.) Favorite Arc(s): Rough Rhinos Arcs

Two arcs hit me hard on an emotional level - The end of the introductory arc and the Rough Rhino’s arc. They literally crawl out of quagmire, find a dragon in the process, and have one of the most touching and sincere heart-to-hearts in the story thus far. It was one of my favorite arcs to read and the emotional stakes were high. As I read more and continue, this might change, but for now I maintain this is one of my favorite arcs.

9.) Favorite Places/Locations: To Be Determine

This is the down side of having to catch up. There are a lot of locations in the story and in the ATLA universe that I like, and its always a hard choice for me to decide. I am a big fan of settings for a story and when I find a setting I like I usually latch onto it in all its locations. So for now, I will not decide on a solid choice.

... however, in any AU it might show up in, Bs Sing Se is my first choice by biased default. I just love that city and I always appreciate when a story fleshes it out in little ways. Gladiator being set for a fraction of its time in the city was great for me as I got to read more about the city I like so much.

10.) I wish to see Sokkla in...: More tender, couple-like moments

Surprising, I know. But I what I mean is this - moments where they refrain from arguing, don’t bicker, and just enjoy being around each other, doing small things together. And its hard for them, they have to train they, have to keep their relationship a secret, they can only be a true couple for fleeting moments because of how dangerous and vulnerable it will leave them. And it claws at my heart every time. So I cherish the moments they have when they can be themselves around one another, fleeting as they sometimes are.

11.) I believe Sokka and Azula’s relationship will be revealed when/like/because of...:

... when they get careless. When they feel that they are safe in their secrecy, complacaent in their routines for keeping their relationship hidden, that’s when it will be revealed. Its a kind of Hubris of sorts.

And when its revealed, it will lead to something bad and irreversible for the both of them. You can only hide something like this for so long. Even historical royal affairs were never as secret as theirs. And they have taken painful precautions to keep it all under wraps.

So when it finally does, it will change everything. And that’s going to be quite the wild ride.

12.) I believe at the end of Part 3...:

... that a sacrifice will be made. A death or a relinquishment of something. Sokka and Azula will be together, but something will have to be given up, and it will test them for the final time.

I can’t say what it will be, but I’m going to enjoy finding out.

#Sokkla #Sokka #Azula #Gladiator Chapter Celebration

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yuli-the-bi · 5 years ago

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It took me a while to recollect myself after today's chapter. After excitedly getting up super early (went to bed around 4am, woke up at 7) and waiting patiently for the episode to come out, I had such high hopes, y'know? (Warning: this gets a bit long.)

But that quickly ended in a punch to the gut that, honestly, left me speechless and with full-body tremors. I haven't had an anxiety attack in a while but it hit me hard and took me some time to calm down. I'm used to disappointment from series I watched in the past, but I sincerely did have faith in this one. V7 was what got me back into rwby, mainly because I had dropped it after skipping around the events of V5. I had noticed Qrow getting attention on this site, and went "sure, why not?" and checked the tag. This was when chapter 3 aired, and man, was everyone going wild over it-- for completely good reason. I've always been attached to Qrow as a character. I've had the lowest times in my life where I didn't think I would get back up, and here he was, the character that I saw parts of myself reflected in-- suddenly earning a potential partner that, for once, could balance his semblance and quite possibly everything else. We weren't wrong in the least in that regard.

Speaking from a narrative design point, the outer, cinematic dialogue for c12 was just... so wrong in many ways. It felt like characterization was thrown out the window, Tyrian aside. I've written countless scripts for games, and as a writer you are responsible for forming an immersive dialogue/monologue that will direct the audience into experiencing specific emotions. The lines here, while beautifully delivered by the amazing voice actors, gave me the feeling of two utter, complete strangers that were pitted against each other rather than two people who have been together for quite some time and have developed a bond. The words, especially from Clover, were visceral, cold, and almost robotic. Completely OOC actions aside, the tone set in the scenes were so unnatural it caused me to pause the video several times to digest what had been said.

It hurt to hear Clover of all people, the same man throughout the volume show his concern for ALL civilians, including Mantle (cue back to c9 where he was the one to panic about rushing the rwbyjnr + ace ops/qrow to Mantle to save the people, as well as his stern orders to prioritize the safety of the people), to suddenly become a callous soldier set in his ways. He turned his back on the people that depended on him, which seems to be a reoccurring theme in these past few episodes. That doesn't reflect the man I've seen, admired, and analyzed throughout the volume. This one today felt unnatural and lacked all empathy that he had once shown (literally just in c11 you can *hear* the relief and joy in his voice once he reports that they've apprehended Tyrian, the psycho who has been out on a killing spree and Clover explicitly expressed malice to). This episode just completely forgoes the warmth I've been hearing in his voice.

I'm angry, depressed, and quite frankly, so fucking annoyed at how this episode was handled, from the standpoint of a narrative design/script writer and a fan of the show since high school. There were so many other routes they could have taken, granted, that could have given us just as much angst/shock value without the cost of a character that was a major pillar of support for Qrow. There has been so much wonderful development throughout the volume that sincerely gave me hope that it was going to be okay for him, and in turn, be okay for me and many other individuals who see themselves in Qrow's shoes. But that hope was demolished the moment I heard Clover speak so coldly, just barely showing reluctance he had so boldly delivered in previous chapters. I knew something was wrong, but didn't want to believe it. When I write dialogue for my scripts, I always envision myself as the character speaking, including gestures, facial expressions, and tone/pitch used to create a 'realistic' voice for them. I'm not one of the writers, but they demonstrated a very transparent purpose of closing off the possibilities of character growth with just those few lines. The intention was there. It probably has been from the start. And that isn't okay.

Not when there has been, admittedly, so many scenes where it touched upon gentler, more open emotions like trust, which is supposed to be such a huge factor in this volume. It was used horribly in this chapter, as it was meant to twist Clover's words, making it seem as though Qrow was completely in the wrong when we all fucking know it's two sides of the same coin. Not one side is completely right or wrong. "I wanted to trust you too" really hit me in all the wrong places. It crushed the hope for their bond, and all for what? Dramatic flair? If that's the case, then it was a real poor stylistic choice. Qrow was spot on when he said Clover was being manipulative-- because those words, while they sounded as if they were filled with pain, were all transparent in terms of closing off any more development between them. All these lines served one purpose, and that was to stamp out whatever had been blooming underneath all their previous interactions. Very melodramatic, I've seen about a thousand of these used, and none of them ever get me to react the way the writer intended for. It just left the worst taste in my mouth. (And don't even get me started on that ending. It might've appeased whatever audience they were going for, but bluntly put I've seen commercials that delivered stronger emotional impact than that. It clearly shows even more how Clover is distanced from Qrow in that regard. The "Good luck" at the end is a call back sure but the words exchanged really just... left me feeling so empty rather than a heart full of emotions. I only started crying once I heard Qrow's anguished scream and saw the light fade from Clover's eyes.)

I've seen all the wonderful AUs and fix-it scenarios that many of you have been posting and I really appreciate all your positivity through this horrible misstep in show production. (Thank you to those who are liking and reblogging my fair game comic I made a while back.) This has hurt me so badly that I know I probably won't open up and trust shows like this for quite some time, if ever. I'm skeptical about any changes that might occur in the finale, but I'll be looking at it with cold indifference nonetheless. I'll probably take a break from the series again afterward, but will definitely continue basking in the absolute joy of the fair game community and ignoring... whatever the hell that was. (I actually have some WIPs for fics saved that I might work on and publish once I get time off work). I'm sorry for my rambling and that it might not make much sense, but I had to voice my thoughts on the situation today. It is not okay by any means, and everyone who is upset by this is valid.

#fair game #yuli rants #I'm really fucking upset and I've been trying to keep the rambling to a minimum but I couldn't hold back #I had a lot of hope in crwby and they just smashed my favorite character's positive development to pieces #all for some fucking useless shock value or an attempt at moving the story along #fuck off and seriously reconsider who is consuming your media before assuming you know what's good for the show #it's 2020 and I have to bear with seeing a man die before he can even develop a deeper bond with his soulmate goodbye #luck birds #lucky charms #qrover #clover x qrow

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violetnuisance · 6 years ago

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WDHTD Analysis

You know the analysis papers your English professors make you do? Yeah, I did one at nearly 2 am on a fanfiction. Here we go.

It’s currently 1:54 am on Tuesday, July 2, in my lightless bedroom as my right thumb is furiously tapping on my phone’s digital keyboard. Why am I up? Beats the heck out of me; I should’ve gone to sleep hours ago. But one thing is for certain-I just finished @ironiclittlebaby ‘s fic, We Don’t Have To Dance, and I have emotions, so enjoy this little unedited fic analysis.

A preface: A few months ago, I tried my best to read WDHTD, and had only succeeded in reading the first 7 chapters because I was unconditionally bawling my eyes out. At the time, my mental state wasn’t the best, and this fic seemed too cruel to be good, so I left it. However, today was the day I decided to give it another chance since I’m better mentally, and boy am I glad I did.

Now on to the real shiz:

I’m not going to stick to a TPCASTT format for this. It is way too late, and I am way to hyper. Therefore, this might just me be babbling versus an actual analysis but who cares.

1. What is the writer doing?

Blue has created a band au in the sally face universe that has taken the fandom by storm to be perfectly honest. They’re creating an angsty fic that resolves into a happy ending at its very core. But what is actually happening behind the lines?

A reoccurring trait in a lot of fics from any fandom is the usage of pornographic material, because, hey, sex sells. By just adding the singular tag ‘smut,’ you are enthralling one side of an audience. They will be willing to read the fic each and every update for the chance of a sex scene. And, the fact that WDHTD opens up with one, reassures the readers that yes, sex is in here, and will probably be in here more than once. It’s a format a lot of authors go to.

Blue is also keeping the reader in the dark. Why did Larry leave Sal? You have to read the first 10 chapters to just find out the answer to that one question, which also happens to be the main plot point. Humans are curious creatures, and we’re going to keep reading to find out an answer if the story isn’t too terribly off putting no matter what.

However, this blindness also gives the reader the time to feel Sal’s anguish, brew their hatred for Larry, and in general, just feel sorrow at the whole situation. Only to have all these conflicting emotions ripped from you when Larry admits, while puking his guts out, his reasons for leaving. This moment is positively pivotal, and the author needs to sell that this character-you-thought-was-bad-is-actually-a-sweetheart in order for the rest of the story to fill the reader with more raw emotion and give them the prime reading experience. For the most part, I’d say Blue succeeds in this, but we will cover this point more in the second part of the analysis.

The author here is using a buttload of foreshadowing. I dare one of Yawll to tell me in my inbox that you didn’t know Larry was going to OD. We all knew it, we really did, we were just praying that it wouldn’t happen. But with every little incident, Like Travis revealing Larry relapsing could kill him as ScreamFest neared, it creates an incredible sense of dread that leaves the reader on the edge of their seat. It’s like a thriller almost (not really, but indulge me here), and it makes you unable to close Ao3.

The author is also using research. They are knowledgeable about binding contracts, drug usage, and medical conditions. We’ll discuss why this matters in the third point of this analysis.

2. What is the effect of that writing on a reader?

I heavily addressed a lot of this question in the first point, but there’s one thing I want to talk about here. Let’s discuss why it’s very important for the author to convince the reader that Larry Johnson is a sweetheart who was forced to leave his fiancée and not a total jerk who had a choice.

Even when the reader doesn’t know why Larry left Sal, it’s foreshadowed that he still has feelings for the bluenet. Let’s take a moment that happened right after my favorite scene when Larry is about to tell Sal something but is cut off by the screams of rabid fangirls. The whole moment, the whole scene, had been tender. Deep down, the reader is faintly aware that something is up, that this hatred can’t be as searing as it is portrayed. The reader is still wary of Johnson as they should be, but they’re also suspicious that there’s more than meets the eye because Larry’s acting a little lovesick. This helps soften the reader’s attitude towards him before the big reveal.

Then, we get to the turning point. The reason for Larry leaving is out, and all the readers are scurrying off their beds to get tissues. The reader has a very crucial internal fight here:

A) Forgive Larry Johnson (99% of the readers choice) or

B) Do Not Forgive Larry Johnson (like me because I’m a stupid hardass)

For the rest of WDHTD to hit the reader as it is intended, the reader must choose option A in that moment. There’s very little turnover time for any B choosers because Sal accepts Larry back at an alarming rate. So, in most cases, I’d say whatever choice your mind goes to in that instant dictates the reading experience you’re going to have.

In most cases, I’d say Ironiclittlebaby does this perfectly, plays the readers right into their hands, so let’s focus on why they set up this game of “Hey, he’s not a bad guy like you thought he was.”

For one, it makes the reader more vulnerable. It almost feels like you’ve been in Sal’s shoes-everything you thought was true has been erased. Like Sal, the reader’s going to be exposed. When Larry starts showing affection towards Sal, the reader is going to jump on that but also be worried. Because, hey, the truth was reversed once, so the same thing could happen again, right? As well as Sal’s, this strategy makes Larry gain the reader’s trust, making his downfall that more heart shattering.

It also gives the reader a rush of euphoria. It feels like you’ve just climbed a mountain. “Hey, I’ve conquered the angsty slopes, and now I can see the fluff filled valleys below!” This wistful mindset settles in to most fic readers heads, and they’re just so happy for the turnaround. Which also makes the new angst even worse.

Now, why would it be bad if the readers chose option B?

If you chose Option A, go ahead and close your eyes with me. Imagine rereading every one of the 27 published chapters but instead of rooting for LarryFace, you can’t help but feel this disgust for Larry. If you thought he had a choice when leaving Sal, then your mind probably cheered when it was introduced that Travis had a crush on Sal. You probably hoped, even though you knew it wouldn’t work out, that Salvis would become the new ship. If you were constantly rooting for Travis and maybe even felt disappointment when Sal chose Larry, Larry’s demise will not hit you the same. There will be thoughts like ‘he deserved this’ that destroy what the author intended to make you feel. Instead of sadness, your gut is left feeling what every fic author fears that their readers will feel: indifference.

But hey, I’d say that Blue pulls off their intended effect super well. I’d say the obsession the fandom has over this fic really shows that they crafted the trick well.

3. Why does that matter?

First, let’s talk about why research matters.

Most fic readers aren’t going to be very knowledgeable about certain things, so authors can really gloss over topics most of the time. However, there’s always that one group of readers that are knowledgeable about the topic at hand, and having complete bullshit in your story could really turn them away. I’d also like to say that having thoroughly researched your topics just really shows to any reader. We might not know the specifics of the topic, but it warns our heart that the author cared enough to put some time in the fic besides just writing.

Secondly and lastly, why does making the reader sad matter?

I’m going to keep this short and sweet because I can hear dogs barking outside, and it’s time for me to sleep.

When the readers has lows, it makes the high that much sweeter. A fic full of straight fluff gets boring after awhile; there has to be some sort of conflict to make a story interesting. And all this angst is going to make the happy ending of We Don’t Have To Dance just that much more tear jerking.

Not part of the analysis, but I just want to point out that Blue’s writing improves so god damn much as the chapters progress. Like, my breath was taken away by their striking style by chapter 27. They’re going places, and I’m excited to watch.

I’d also like to say it is a devastatingly beautiful piece of work, and personal opinion, it kind of sucks that most fans just dote on the sexual side of it. It’s so much more than just another smut fic.

Alright, thank you for listening to me rant. It’s time to log off and go practice my own writing by working on my fics.

#feel free to reblog #wdhtd #we dont have to dance #sally face #larry johnson #sally face fanfiction #salarry #sal fisher #sally fisher #sally face fanfic #larisher #sal x larry #travis phelps #celery #ironiclittlebaby

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msjr0119 · 5 years ago

Text

Hold On

Part 24 - A little ceremony amongst friends.

Nobody got injured at the Homecoming ball, they all get separated into different safe houses- for safety.

Riley and Drake had confirmed that they had feelings for each other, however Drake believed Riley should be with Liam. Heartbroken, she moves back to New York. Only keeping in touch with Hana, Maxwell and Olivia.

Riley meets lawyer, Nate Cooper and begins a relationship with him. In Cordonia, Drake begins to court Kiara.

Nine months after Riley had left Cordonia- there is a reunion, but not the reunion the friends had hoped for.

*Characters belong to Pixelberry*

If you are under 18 please do not read this series. If you do you are consenting that you are over the age.

Series warnings: Suicide, domestic abuse, swearing, stabbing, smut🍋 If any of these triggers affect you do not read!

Tags- @annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @drakesensworld @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415

******

We look forward to seeing Lady Riley as our new Queen....

Queen. Queen. Queen. I’m going to be Queen. I’m carrying the heir. I’m marrying King Liam of Cordonia. Is this a dream of reality?

Riley woken up dazed from her reoccurring thoughts. Streaks of sunlight penetrated through the window and blinds, blocking her vision. Hearing Maxwell’s snoring, she laughed. She had asked Max and Hana to stay over with her, obviously she wished that Liam could have stayed the night- but it is after all bad luck to see the bride on your wedding day. Knowing it was only a little ceremony- she was still nervous as hell. Liam’s mothers engagement ring mimicked the suns shine. Slowly sitting up, she rubbed her knuckles over her eyes, removing the remainder of sleep. Stretching her arms, Riley couldn’t prevent the large yawn, that was slowly yet gradually occurring. Making herself a cup of steaming coffee, she went to sit on the balcony- she had limited herself to one cup of coffee a day due to the pregnancy. The sky was a clear blue, the sunshine on this day brought a healthy glow to the foliage, the grass, to every exotic bloom. Birds were tweeting in a rhythmic melody. Today was the day.

******

It was early morning, Liam and Leo were already dressed in their regal wear. Leo could tell that Liam was nervous, the pacing up and down the study began to annoy him slightly- so he offered him a scotch.

“Sit down please, Li. Here, this will help with the nerves little brother.”

Liam forced a smile, grateful that his older brother knew exactly what was needed.

“I love her Leo, more than words could possibly explain. But I have this reoccurring subconscious thought that she may change her mind.”

“Don’t be silly. She’s wearing Eleanor’s ring. She’s yours. She’s carrying our heir. Why would she change her mind?”

“Everything that we’ve been through... Madeleine. Drake. Kiara. Nate. The baby she lost. I don’t know...”

“That’s all in the past, Li. The future is you and Riley and my nephew or niece, today is going to be the best day of your lives. Then when the heir is born, you will have a second wedding including the baby and the country. Cordonia is thrilled. Why did you chose the maze by the way?”

“Well I proposed there. The first night she came to Cordonia we had a moment in the maze. It’s now like our place. It just feels right. Thank you looking after her in New York by the way.”

“Ah I see. Let’s get going then, Beth is going to deliver your gift. Then it’ll be time to see your beautiful bride. No problem. It was hard, but shes your responsibility now- your responsibility to protect her.” Leo pat his brother on the shoulder, he had never seen Liam this nerve wrecked. Maybe it was due to the past rejection- but now everything was different.

*******

Between Maxwell and Hana they made Riley look fit for a Queen. Hana styled her hair, in a neat chignon with some stray curls elegantly leaned against her ears. They kept her make up neutral- with waterproof mascara just in case, she broke down emotionally. Hormones were coming in thick and fast, one minute Riley was emotional, the next minute she believed she didn’t look beautiful enough and was frustrated.

“You are so beautiful Little blossom, I’m so proud of you.” Maxwell pulled his ‘sister’ in for a tight hug- he admired how elegant she was looking on this special day.

“Thanks Maxwell. I just feel fat. And I don’t know if I can do this? What if Liam realises this is a huge mistake? I haven’t exactly been Queen material recently have I? Court case. Abused. Suicidal. What does he see in me?”

Riley replied with a defeated tone of voice- feeling unworthy. Tears began spilling down her face, her lip uncontrollably trembling. Maxwell wrapped his arms around her, with sorrow in his eyes. He didn’t like to see his sister feel this way- she meant the world to him, and everyone else for that matter.

“Good morning!”

Beth said in a cheery voice before running over to Riley who was crying in Maxwell’s arms. Confused as to why she would be this emotional- it was supposed to be a happy day.

“Ri, we all make mistakes. We all have our down days. But Liam has always loved you. Always. And he will continue that for the rest of his life. You didn’t see him at the hospital, in New York. The way he spoke to you....it was love at first sight when we first met you.”

“Max is right. I’ve got a gift from the groom. He’s waiting for you- don’t keep him too long babe. I’ll leave you to finish getting ready. Love you, Ri. See you soon Mrs Rhys/ Queen of Cordonia.”

Good morning beautiful. I missed holding you last night. After all this time, I still can’t believe that we’ve finally made it. I have loved you since the night I laid my eyes on you- I know all this time it hasn’t been easy. But I promise you now, I am going to protect you and love you unconditionally for the rest of my life as well as our child. You mean everything to me Riley Brooks. We are now a family. Don’t keep me waiting. I can’t wait to call you my wife. I hope you love the gifts, I have given you. If I could give you the world I would...

I love you, Li xo

Riley began sobbing again, at Liam’s words. Feeling her stomach churning - she wasn’t sure if it was nerves or morning sickness returning with vengeance. Opening the velvet box, there was a diamanté tiara along with a necklace.

Maxwell gently placed the necklace around her neck, Riley’s fingers gently hovered over it. He then delicately placed the tiara on her head, trying not to ruin Hana’s masterpiece chignon. Beautiful, he whispered.

*******

The palace staff had decorated the maze, there was a riot of colours from the bouquets that were placed surrounding the area. In the middle of the maze, near the swing- there were flower covered arches proving the sweet aroma of roses. Liam knew it would be a tight squeeze, but he wanted to do his nuptials here. As it was a quick ceremony the guests would stand throughout.

Liam stood nervously next to Drake, his best man. When he asked Drake to do this honour he felt awkward, due to the previous love triangle. But he knew deep down he couldn’t ask anyone else- Drake was his best childhood friend, his brother.

“Li, if you ever needed to use a stoic expression that time would be now.” Drake sarcastically said, trying to calm down the King.

“Im sorry. I’m trying, I truly am....”

“Liam, she chose you. This is your special day and we are all so happy for you both. She will be here soon.”

“Thank you for being so supportive. I hope she will be.”

“No problems. She always deserved you and you deserved her.”

Leo interrupted the two gentlemen, with a smirk on his face.

“Li, your bride is on her way. Hana’s just arrived.” Leo handed the men his flask filled with whiskey, before whispering- To calm the last nerves.

******

“Ladies and gentlemen, if you’d please rise for your bride.”

I wandered through the maze, Bertrand on my left side, Maxwell on the right. I couldn’t decide which of the brothers should walk me down the ‘aisle’. Maxwell instigated this fairytale becoming reality and Bertrand was an arsehole to me at the beginning. But they welcomed me into their house- I will always be grateful for everything they have helped me achieve. I was still feeling nauseous- but I am pregnant, a good excuse I kept telling myself. I am now marrying Liam- the love of my life. It hasn’t been easy, but we have come full circle and I couldn’t be any happier. I am grateful that he has so much love for me even with my past flaws and mistakes. I am truly, one lucky girl.

Slowly the three of us, walked down the ‘aisle’- both men in my arms were emotional even if they deny it. They looked overjoyed. I am glad that I have done them proud eventually. They deserve the positive reputation for their house. Our tiny group of close friends are waving and smiling at us.

My eyes fixated on Liam as we arrived at the end of the ‘aisle’. I softly smile at Drake- who returns the gesture. I’m glad he agreed to be Liam’s best man considering our past situation. Even if mine and Drake’s love story didn’t work out- I am still happy to have him in my life as my best friend. Liam’s eyes began to glisten. This is it, I’m becoming Queen.

******

Why am I so nervous? It’s just Riley- the Queen of my heart. She always has been, ever since the night I met her. Her adventurous spirit, her fearless spirit, her attitude to life, her natural beauty made me fall in love instantly.

After all that she has been through, I still see that old Riley- showing us how strong she truly is. My country will love her as Queen, she is friendly and caring. I hope they don’t love her more than me- although that probably would become reality. She had won over so many hearts in the time she spent here in Cordonia.

The Beaumont’s look as if they are going to emotionally break down- she has become like their sister. I know they must be feeling over the moon right now.

I must thank Hana and Max for making her look incredible and beautiful just like a goddess. I wipe a tear away- I hope I can contain my emotions. She is beautiful. She is going to become my wife. She is going to become Queen. I am so relieved and lucky that she chose me.

*****

“Riley, you are so beautiful.”

“Thank you my King. You look handsome as always.”

Liam cupped her cheek and kissed her gently, before moving down to her stomach mimicking his previous gesture. This was his way of informing Ana and Donnie that the Queen to be was carrying their heir. Leo coughed, ending the sentimental moment. Liam stood up slowly, gently holding his fiancées hands, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. Their sparkly matching baby blues fixated on each other lovingly.

“So because this is basically a ‘shot gun wedding’- sorry guys. I’m not going to go through the usual Cordonian nuptial introduction- we will save that for the cathedral wedding.”

Everyone began laughing- Leo really had no filter. Ana and Donnie nodded politely towards Liam and Riley now having their suspicions confirmed.

“In my time in New York, I became close to Riley and I classed her as my little sister. Secretly I was hoping that these two stubborn ass’s would reunite. I know the circumstances weren’t really what we imagined- but you both found love and happiness again. And I for one, are so thrilled to now officially call you my sister- unless you run off. But please don’t run off.”

“Don’t worry Li, I’m not running anywhere. Leo’s just being Leo.”

Riley whispered, whilst squeezing his hands tighter- feeling him become less tense and seeing his lips curl upwards.

“So, we will begin the vows and start with you, your Majesty.” Leo gestured for Liam to begin. Liam gulped hard, before beginning his speech.

“Riley, what can I say? Without you I am nothing- with you I am more myself. Our love is unique. Together you and I make something that has never been seen before. I will always protect you from harm to stand against your troubles. If you grow weak, I’ll be there to fight your battles for you. I’ll help you with your responsibilities and make your problems my own in order to spread the weight a bit more evenly. I love and cherish you, secure in the knowledge that you are my best friend, my love, my kind and adoring wife, Queen and mother to my child. You look so beautiful to me today, you always look beautiful to me and will always be this beautiful to me, tomorrow, and the next day and the next. I will only love you more and more each day of our marriage. There is still a part of me today that cannot believe that I’m the one who gets to marry you. You make me a better man, and a better King. I love you, Riley Brooks.”

Liam felt relieved that he had finally confessed how much love he had for Riley. Smiling at his fiancée, he took another moment to drink in the sight of her. He noticed tears running down her cheeks, softly caressing her cheeks- wiping away the tears, she was still gorgeous.

“Thank you Liam, Riley I believe it’s your turn now...”

“You have made me feel more loved than I ever thought was possible, even with my past decisions. I am so grateful that we have come full circle and are in each other’s arms again. Today, I give you all that I am, and all that I have. Just as I give you my hand to hold today, I give you my heart- my whole life. I choose you today. And I would choose you again tomorrow. I would go on choosing you the day after, and every day for the rest of our lives. You are my life. I love you and I will always carry you in my heart, as I’ve always done. Thank you for all your support and love you have provided me, I feel so lucky that myself and our baby have you in our lives. I love you Liam, my King.”

“Do you, King Liam Rhys of Cordonia take Riley Brooks to be your partner in life and sharing your path; equal in love, a mirror for your true self, promising to honor and cherish, through the good times and the bad, until death do you part?"

“I do.”

"Do you, Riley Brooks take King Liam Rhys of Cordonia to be your partner in life and sharing your path; equal in love, a mirror for your true self, promising to honor and cherish, through the good times and the bad, until death do you part?"

“I do.”

“By the power vested in me by the kingdom of Cordonia, I now pronounce you Husband and Wife. The King and Queen Of Cordonia. May this blessed union be sealed with a kiss.”

Liam cupped Riley’s cheeks, placing a soft kiss on her lips- hearing the cheers from their friends encouraged Liam to deepen it into a more passionate kiss.

“You’re my wife!”

“You’re my husband! We both love you...”

“I love you both too. Mrs Rhys, My Queen. And you too my little Prince or Princess.”

Intertwining their fingers together, they joined their friends. Congratulations echoed throughout the maze. Ana and Donnie, had taken some picturesque photos of the newlyweds, before they bid their goodbyes.

“So after brunch, I assume the King and Queen will want some aloneeee time.... But who’s ready for the real party? As it’s a Beaumont wedding- well sort of. You’re all cordially invited to the after party at House Beaumont later tonight, to celebrate our sister getting married!”

#theroyalromance #choices trr #riley brooks #drakewalker #maxwell beaumont #kingliam #olivia nevrakis #hanalee #bertrand beaumont #liam x riley #liam x mc #leo rhys

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aceofwhump · 5 years ago

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Hi!!! I think you’ve watched Hawaii five 0 but I might be wrong, but if you have, do you know if there’s any big underlying plot where it’s really hard to watch episodes out of order, or would it be ok to skip around and watch the whumpy episodes only? Also I like the Steve dude do you happen to know which episodes are best for his whump? Thanks and sorry to bother you!! -@set-phasers-to-whump (if u answer this could u tag me in it so I can find it please? Thanks!!)

Hi @set-phasers-to-whump!! Not a bother at all! Hawaii Five-0 is one of my favorite shows! I’d say your fine to go ahead and watch episodes out of order or to just watch the whumpy ones as long as you know who the characters are which I can give you here and there is one big plot line to know and I’ll go over that too.

So Hawaii Five-0 is about this small group of people who form an elite crimefighting taskforce as a branch of the HPD (Hawaiian Police Department). Lt. Commander Steve McGarrett is the star and the one tasked with forming the team. He’s a Navy SEAL who grew up in Hawaii and returns when his father is murdered. He then meets Detective Danny Williams who is in charge of his father’s case and makes him his partner. Danny is from New Jersey but he moved to Hawaii to be with his daughter whom his ex-wife took her there after the divorce. He’s loud and prickly and Steve’s recklessness drives him crazy. These two grow to be the very best of friends, family. They call each other babe and people joke that they’re married. It’s the best. Then they pick up Chin Ho Kelly. A Hawaiian native and Steve’s dad’s ex partner. Chin was accused of stealing from the HPD and is now an outcast in the police department but he’s great at the job. Finally we have Kono Kalakaua. Chin’s cousin and ex pro surfer she hurt her knee surfing and had to reinvent herself so she took up the family business. Kono is a major badass. You’ll love her.

In the recent seasons we’ve had some cast changes so I’ll go over them too. We have Kamekona who runs a shrimp truck business and also knows everything about the underground seedy side of Hawaii. Lou Grover, Chicago native and former HPD SWAT, who joins the 5-0 taskforce. Lt. Catherine Rollins is Steve’s flame/former flame (complicated) and is in the Navy. She shows up a lot. Adam Noshimuri, Kono’s ex-husband (long story) and former Yakuza member (another long story). Joe White is Steve’s mentor when he was in the SEALS. Lori Westin was a part of the team for a season (played by Lauren German who is Chloe Decker in Lucifer if you watch that). I loved her. Max Bergman the first medical examiner. Noelani is the current medical examiner. Jerry Ortega, conspiracy theorist and tech expert. And replacing Chin and Kono after the actors left the show we have Tani Rey and Junior Reigns. Tani got kicked out of the police academy and Junior is a young Navy Seal.

That was a lot of characters lol sorry. Okay so as for big story plots really the only thing to know is that a man named Wo Fat is behind Steve’s dad’s murder and he becomes the team’s big bad guy/nemesis.

As for Steve he gets whumped SO MUCH so you’re gonna have a good time lol. the glorious whumpgalore has made a list of Steve’s whumps up to 5x01 which you can view here: https://whumpgalore.tumblr.com/post/92445278809/hawaii-five-0-steve-mcgarrett-updated

Some other whumpy episodes are:

5x07 Ina Paha: SO GOOD!! So this is the 100th episode and Steve gets kidnapped, drugged, and tortured by Wo Fat.

5x13 La Po'ino: Steve in Danger with his SEAL mentor Joe White (another reoccurring character)

5x18 Pono Kaulike: more emotional than physical and has physical Danny whump. Basically Steve worries the whole time because Danny is trapped in a Colombian prison.

6x25 O Ke Ali'I Wale No Ka'u Makemake: BIG WHUMP for Steve here. Steve and Danny were undercover when Steve gets seriously wounded and Danny has to land a plane to save him and then there’s a ton of hospital scenes and Steve needs a liver so Danny donates part of his own. SO GOOD. They’re recovery is continued in 7x01

7x04: Steve kidnapped by a serial killer.

8x09: Steve and the team are exposed to a deadly disease

8x10: mainly Danno whump but the angsty Steve worry is so good. Danny gets shot while they’re trapped in quarantine after the events of 8x09

9x01: kidnapped and put into a deprivation tank

9x10 and 9x11: gunfight and Steve grieving the death of a loved one.

#whump #set-phasers-to-whump #ask #mod post #mod replies #hawaii five 0 #h50 #steve mcgarrett #whump list

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littlehollyleaf · 5 years ago

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Name ten favourite characters from ten different things (books, tv, film, etc.)

Then tag ten people

Tagged (ages ago, whoops!) by @castiel-saved-me-from-myself

(I’m sorry, I got distracted!)

1.Supernatural. Castiel.

Obviously. I may be out of the fandom now, but I’ve never loved a character as much as Cas, and probably never will.

2. Good Omens. Aziraphale.

Thought I’d put both my darling angels at the top :) I suspect that without Zira there to pave the way Castiel may not even have existed, so I love him double - for himself and for Cas as well :p

While really quite different when it comes to their personalities (just think how Zira would SHUDDER at Cas’ trenchcoat), they share a lot of character traits and tropes (mini-series!Zira anyway, maybe less so in the book, or less obviously anyway), so, no surprise that I should adore them both. I’ve also said before, and I stand by it, that Aziraphale is sort of a combination of my favourite aspects of both Cas and Dean in one, with Cas’ struggle with Heaven/god and trying to be a good angel and finding he loves humanity/earth more, plus Dean’s whole ‘performing Dean’ thing and repression of queer feelings he is scared to admit to (out loud) because he believes they are somehow ‘wrong.’

...just to give a little insight into my feelings about these two that was neither needed nor asked for...

4. Hellblazer. NBC Constantine. Legends of Tomorrow. John Constantine.

Aaaand the other guy I love twice because Cas, and indeed spn in general, kinda owe their existence to him. Though in turn his fabulous live action portrayal by Matt Ryan probably owes its existence to spn and Castiel’s popularity. So... there’s a weird ouroboros situation happening with my favs here that makes my head spin whenever I think about it, but I love it - stories within stories built on stories feeding off stories, which connects to wider themes of story and storytelling being vital and intrinsic to life and stuff.

Anyway, despite his wardrobe, Johnny is NOTHING LIKE CAS. He is, in fact, a lot like Dean. But I like him more. Maybe because he’s British :p He has the whole ‘repressing his feelings’ things, a bit like Zira, but it’s not because he thinks they are wrong, it’s more of a coping mechanism to deal with the constant tragedy/trauma his life/lifestyle/fate causes him to suffer. But whatever the reason, I like my characters facing that struggle :) (actually the British element is probably way more significant to my enjoyment of him than I’ve been fully aware of... that’s probably why I loved Zira so fast as well... obviously they are both a completely different class of British, literally, but the fact they ARE British is INTRINSIC to both their characters, and I guess a little, vaguely patriotic part of me is excited by that... :p)

4. Gotham. Edward Nygma.

Since I’ve started giving explanations - I love Eddie because he’s also got the whole ‘emotionally repressed’ / out of touch with (his) emotions thing going on (as seen in Zira and Cas), but with the addition of various geeky / ‘tech guy’ character traits that I also love.

5. Doctor Who (Classic). Vislor Turlough.

I waxed poetic once about how I liked Gotham’s Edward Nygma because he reminded me a bit of Turlough. That was early on in my Gotham days though and given how Eddie developed I don’t see as many similarities now. Turlough shares some of Eddie’s ‘dark’ traits however - self-centered, often lacking in empathy for others and nonplussed (sometimes even happy) to see them get into trouble or hurt. But ultimately his attempts to be self-serving and cowardly end up thwarted by him developing feelings for specific individuals despite his best efforts, which is what I enjoy about him (and actually that’s a lot like Eddie still, huh... their endgame’s are opposing though ofc - while Eddie goes on to embrace being a villain, Turlough gives up on villainy and even becomes a bit of a hero, now and then). Plus, Turlough is the ONLY Companion (IIRC?) to have joined the Doctor specifically in order to MURDER him and... idk, I just think that’s cool :P

6. Doctor Who (New). Donna Noble.

(I’m trying not to double up on fandoms/shows so I can cover more, but New and Classic Who count as different things, kinda, right...?)

Donna doesn’t really fit any of the character traits I’ve talked about above, though I guess her low self-esteem is something that all my other favs share in various ways (though it’s not such an EXPLICIT aspect of their characters and story arcs as it was for Donna I’d say). What I first loved about her was that after YEARS of New companions (and other randoms) being literally in love with the Doctor, she had a strictly platonic relationship with him. Yeah, I think maybe the show was a bit heavy-handed about it, but even so it came as a huge breath of fresh air and frankly a RELIEF to me. Not that I’m opposed to the Doctor having romantic/sexual relationships, it was just that... coming from a childhood love of the Classic series where that just... didn’t happen (save a fleeting kiss in the TV Movie - which I actually enjoyed fyi!), it just... idk, was starting to stretch my credulity that EVERYONE seemed to be falling for him maybe? Or at least for me it was growing tiresome. So the fact she didn’t have that element to her character/story was a plus. Then I just adore how loud and brash she is when calling anyone, including the Doctor, out on their shit (I envy her that maybe). Plus I like the way she isn’t... traditional TV pretty, you know? (ie. young and slim, like a lot of other companions).

...or maybe I just like redheads *shrug emoji*

7. Spartacus. Naevia.

(she has two actresses okay? and they both deserve kudos!)

Truth is I love FUCKING EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW. Spartacus is like... my PERFECT SHOW. There isn’t a single moment, a single plotline, a single character that I don’t enjoy. I have never even CONSIDERED looking up or writing fic because the finished product is completely satisfying exactly as it is. God. But I wanted it represented in this list so I had to pick someone!

Considering the time period there couldn’t really BE a ‘geeky, emotionally repressed with low self-esteem’ character :p BUT nearly ALL of the characters have the whole ‘struggle to understand/discover who they are’ thing and the ‘who I am and want to be is counter to who I’ve been told I am / should be’ arc, on account of the main cast being rebelling slaves (though the other characters are equally complex and compelling and I love them too - Lucy Lawless in particular is incredible!). Anyone who’s seen me blog about the show before might have thought I’d pick either Agron or Nasir as my favs, since I do like to squee over their romance. But whenever I think about the show it’s usually Naevia who I remember first, because her character arc/development just BLEW ME AWAY. She went from someone I’d kinda dismissed at first as a typical het love interest to a WARRIOR GODDESS and you SEE all the key moments of that growth, you FEEL it, it makes ALL THE SENSE. And her romance with Crixus, which again I was initially a bit dismissive of as a typical, sudden, weak het romance, grows into, imo, one of the deepest, most developed, most believable love stories in the show. So yeah. Naevia. Amazing.

8. Due South. Ray Vecchio.

(he’s the guy not the dog - gifs were limited! ...also the dog is actually a wolf, it’s a whole thing... that doesn’t need exploring at this juncture)

Ray was my first TV crush :P He had a bit of a sidekick vibe to him I guess, which I like (lead characters tend not to interest me as much). He wasn’t ‘geeky’ exactly, but he def had the ‘trying to look/act cooler than I am’ thing going on... also an obsessive attachment to his vintage car... meanwhile his partner Benny was the stoic, ‘British, stiff upper lip, keep emotions in check’ one who was always trying to live up to the ideal persona dictated by his people/employers, in this case the Royal Canadian Mounted Police... HUH, so... it’s actually SUPER WEIRD that I ended up loving Cas and Zira over Dean and Crowley when it seems pretty clear suddenly that my first big fictional fav was CLEARLY the Dean-Crowley to Benny’s Cas-Zira......?? Ray was FUNNY in a way Dean and Crowley aren’t though, I think? He def filled a ‘comic relief’ slot on the regular and I liked that a lot (it also made his serious, angsty moments EXTRA serious and angsty, and extra angst is something I always love!)

9. The Librarians. Eve Baird.

Remember this little show? It was... is... sorta ridiculous. Not amazing. Based on some... very cheap, very OBVIOUS Indiana Jones rip-off films, that were also ridiculous and... not... great (the third one is the best, with an awesome performance by Stana Katic aka Kate Beckett as a vampire, but I digress). But... idek, I am EXTREMELY FOND of the series for some reason :p

There are a WHOLE BUNCH of characters that fit my ‘type’ more than Eve tbh... in fact... probably every.single.other.main.cast.member (save perhaps Jenkins?) shares the traits above that typically make a character my fav. But... EVE! I just... think she’s neat! ...maybe it’s BECAUSE all the others are main/lead characters that makes me gravitate towards her? In a cast where ‘geeky, socially awkward, struggles with emotions’ is the norm, Eve being the no-nonsense, socially competent, badass soldier type therefore becomes different and thus more interesting to me? Also, much like with Donna, I appreciate that she’s an older woman who gets to have a full character and plot of her own. There’s also something about her romance with Flynn that... makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

10. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Jonathan Levinson.

(tumblr gif search failed me so I had to grab from elsewhere...)

Listen. Look. Okay. Buffy is pretty old school these days so, for anyone not in the know, as a character, originally, Jonathan... he wasn’t even a side character, he wasn’t even REOCCURRING, he was barely a background character. For several episodes he didn’t have a name and it wasn’t until several seasons after he became ‘Jonathan’ that he actually got a surname. Danny Strong was just an actor who happened to be occasionally on-hand when the script called for a random to have a line, until eventually that happened often enough for Joss to think ‘hey, you know what, let’s make this guy an actual part of the show...’

He got a couple of episodes focused on him in S03 and S04 respectively, but didn’t become a regular until S06 (and wasn’t in S05 AT ALL). Other than that he had a HANDFUL of ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ moments here and there, not even full scenes for the most part, usually lasting no longer than the above gif.

I tell you all this so that when I say childhood me (well... somewhere between 12 and 14 years anyway) was OBSESSED with this character in the show, and I mean O B S E S S E D (to the point of spending hours painstakingly making VHS recordings purely of the episodes he was in), you understand how UTTERLY BIZARRE that was. Because this obsession pre-dated S06. Was, in fact, in full swing during the airing of his S04 episode - which was, like, a fucking DREAM COME TRUE for freakily obsessed me fyi, because the whole episode was constructed with him as the LEAD CHARACTER, because he’d performed a spell to make him super awesome. They even changed the title sequence to read ‘Jonathan’ instead of Buffy! And while other fans were no doubt just lol-ing at the random I was bouncing about on my sofa all ‘MY TIME HAS COME!’ and fucking SWOONING over seeing MY CHARACTER suddenly in the spotlight and getting to do crazy fun OOC shit like this -

Then when S06 rolled around and HE WAS A LEGIT REGULAR, omg, I was in HEAVEN! First TV boxset I ever bought that - Buffy S06 :P

So... yeah. A bit of a fav. Geeky. Outcast. Slowly grows more morally grey, what with that spell I mentioned and also the fact he was teamed with the ANTAGONISTS in S06. I guess you could say he was the beginning of a lot of my fav fictional character traits/tropes (though looking back - I think his ‘villainous’ teammates in S06, Andrew and Warren, are more my ‘type’ these days, and I did end up loving Andrew especially a whole damn lot, but at the time I’d been a Jonathan fangirl for so.fucking.long. there was just no chance anyone else in the show was ever gonna come close to my heart!)

THE END.

Sorry not sorry for the tmi. I got a bit too into this one.

Actually sorry I have so few women on the list :( Internalised misogyny/sexism is a real thing and I spent a lot of my life being... somewhat unfairly dismissive of female characters or at least prioritising male ones over them. I’m working on it.

Ten people is SO.MANY. to tag. But I might as well do this right this time, since I’ve come so far. But if you’d rather not play, no worries! <3

@enchantersnight @momecat @bold-sartorial-statement @vampirebillionaire @edwardnashtons @miss-olivia-cellophane @knightinpinkunderwear @supes9 @leaper182 @hamburgergod

Honourable mentions (because I CAN):

Gotham. Lucius Fox.

Gotham. Fish Mooney.

Gotham. Tabitha Galavan.

Doctor Who. The Doctor.

Doctor Who. The Master/Missy.

Supernatural. Hannah.

Supernatural. Naomi.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Andrew Wells.

#about me #a true but boring story #well this was a fun nostalgia fest for me!#apologies to the rest of you.............

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ettadunham · 6 years ago

Text

A Buffy rewatch 2x15 Phases

aka male aggression and the Buffy feminism

Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and point out / hyperfocus on one detail in it in 10-3k words. Or maybe go through each and every random scene I choose. Rules are fake.

And today’s episode is one that I enjoy and love immensely, but it’s also the perfect opportunity to talk about the dreaded subject:

Why does Buffy’s feminism feel dated?

But before that, it’s time for everyone’s* (*my) favorite segment - Buffy/Willow out of context.

Buffy: Meow! Willow: Really? Thanks. I've never gotten a 'meow' before.

Even Larry’s being gross about wanting ‘some of that Buffy/Willow action’... And like... I know that you’re going through stuff my dude, but still., don’t ruin this for the rest of us.

Willow is also complaining about guys and dudes in general at least three different times in this episode. (Sometimes to Buffy, but sometimes to Cordelia??? I’m definitely sleeping on that ship.) And I’m just sitting here being like... aw, honey... you really don’t need them... trust me.

Anyhow, we could be sitting here dissecting all that, but I set out with a different goal today, and I’m trying to cut it short, so let’s talk.

Buffy feminism.

At this point anyone in and out of the fandom is familiar with the debate of how Buffy’s - and in turn, Whedon’s - feminism has aged, and that while it had a huge impact on its time and laid the groundwork for today’s popculture scene, we’ve evolved since then.

And I don’t think many would negate a lot of that. The Buffy feminism certainly lacks intersectionality and works with a lot of tropes and archetypes that has its fair share of negative elements and implications. And Whedon’s later work have memorably been taken to court by fandom for such cases.

So the question that I ended up on some time ago was a natural result of that trail of thought.

Was Buffy ever intended to be feminist?

Spoiler alert: the answer is both yes and no. It’s Schroedinger’s feminism.

But first, I want to make it clear that I don’t intend to argue that Buffy isn’t feminist, or didn’t influence our culture massively in that direction. In the 90s, a show with a female lead was still the outlier, and the fact that it gained such a universal following is somewhat mind-blowing. Especially if you consider the grudge our culture holds against teenage girls, even today.

On top of that, Buffy’s character concept goes against the idea of the Strong Female Character (often known as Female Side Character With Some Masculine Traits To Show That She’s Not Like Other Girls Who Can Kind Of Hold Her Own Next To Our Male Lead But He’s Still Better At Things Of Course), by being both immensely powerful and unabashedly teen girly. And then only becoming more complex and memorable as the seasons went on.

Not to mention the fact that the show also had an even ratio of female:male co-stars for most of its run. Meaning that there were plenty of other female characters to develop beside the titular lead, making it a largely female-driven series in general.

As a result of all that, it’s no wonder that Whedon gained a reputation as a staunch feminist - and again, he was a trailblazer when it came to female-led television shows... But I think conflating his ideals with the show’s themes is where we fell into a pitfall.

People complaining about diversity in media often cite ‘agendas’ or ‘pandering’. Which is an immensely simplified (and stupid) way to look at things that is meant to paint going against the norms in a negative way. See, if the creators decide to include characters of different backgrounds because it’s important to them, or because they want to talk about their own experiences, then they have an ‘agenda’. The agenda being using art to talk about things they find important, I guess...

And then there’s this idea that studios / companies / creators just want to please an under-served audience, and profit out of their enthusiasm when they make such media. In contrast to pleasing the audience of the status quo 90% of the time otherwise. I guess.

I’m bringing this all up because the argument that a lot of these people bring up is that representation and diversity is okay if there’s a “reason” for it. Which... yeah, we already covered why I think this line of thinking is so incredibly flawed, but on the other hand... I think Buffy actually satisfies that criteria.

Ideas such as gender roles are baked into show’s concept. Buffy is literally fighting the patriarchy and rape culture (among other things), so it only makes sense that she’s a girl. Meanwhile the character who will end up being gay is the one who struggles the most with their identity. These things are literally building into the bigger picture that the show’s attempting to make.

Now, I will say this though - differentiating and drawing the lines between these things (sincere desire for representation vs. financial strategy vs. exploring themes) is impossible. Everything can be a little bit of each or something else entirely. That’s also why debating intent to undermine representation is such a cheap transparent move.

Nevertheless, I have decided to approach Buffy’s feminism and many of its other themes from the angle of thematic intent. And this episode is a prime example of how the heightened reality of toxic masculinity and its deconstruction look like on the show.

Phases is very unsubtle when stating its thesis. All men are beasts (a reoccurring theme for sure). And for that we have three male characters to examine: Oz, Larry and Cain. (And to a lesser extent Xander and Giles)

Cain is pretty much the least complex of all. He’s a misogynistic douchebag who constantly berates Buffy for “being a girl”, while also hunting essentially human beings for money. He’s completely one-dimensional and irredeemable, and the only thing he’s good for is so Buffy could destroy his gun and tell him to get the hell out of town.

I suppose he’s also there to contrast Giles, but there’s not much there to talk about. Giles respects and supports Buffy, I guess.

Now, Larry and Oz - that’s a more interesting contrast.

Larry was previously introduced as Xander’s bully, but this episode goes above and beyond establishing him as an all around creep. He makes gross comments at all the girls and literally gropes Buffy, and it all culminates in the Scoobies deducting that he must be the werewolf for being so aggressive and douchey.

And then it turns out that... no, he’s just gay. Which, like... the Gay Bully is certainly a trope that’s probably died out at this point, but this does make sense in the context of this episode and the show’s tendency to deconstruct. The idea that performative aggression like Larry’s can actually be a sign of an unresolved conflict with ourselves. And once that’s resolved, we can find a way to live without that facade and be our more authentic self.

Which is an interesting way to contrast him with Oz, as he appears to be the sweetest, chillest guy in the whole Sunnydale area. He literally tucks the tag on Willow’s shirt back like??? Too good for this world.

But then it turns out that he’ll now also become a werewolf 3 days out of a month, a creature of pure instinct and aggression. And given how reserved Oz is in his day-to-day life, that’s an interesting dichotomy. Is that supposed to represent him getting his rage on and finally letting loose of his emotions, or does it suggest a more aggressive inner layer of his character in general?

(Future knowledge mostly points towards the former, but I feel like it’d be interesting to talk about Oz from the latter perspective.)

It’s also an interesting tidbit how the episode mentions that the werewolf could be female, but then continues to refer to them as a ‘he’ anyway. It’s as if the episode is self-aware of its own theme.

...But then we get a lycanthropy- period cycle parallel made in the end anyway, when Willow’s like ‘well, I’m not much fun to be around 3 days-a-month either’. So there’s that.

Then there’s Xander. I’ve recently heard about an alleged quote where Whedon apparently said that they considered writing either Willow or Xander as gay at some point. And that was certainly in my head during Larry’s coming out scene, which makes Xander’s intense no-homo reaction much more layered. He’s essentially Larry in that scenario, aggressively trying to ignore his own inner conflict.

...Which also made me think of another coming out scene on the show and Buffy’s initial, if brief reaction to it.

Looking at Xander’s character from this angle also puts his obsession with his masculinity into perspective. Although his character arc, especially given the show’s themes about gender roles, remains interesting either way.

Oh yeah, and he’s super jealous about Willow and Oz. We’ll definitely get back to that in S3.

Buffy’s comment about Oz being the loyal type meanwhile is S4 material.

Onwards!

#buffy rewatch 2k19 #btvs talk #btvs

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the-nysh · 7 years ago

Note

Whats your opinon of kiri//baku and todo//deku?

!!!!! 👀 Oooh, *takes deep breath* so I’ve finally been askedthe big question. (Thank you for courteously using the /s to block the ship names out of the tags) Because I DO have opinionsabout them. I’ve mostly kept them to myself, but since I’ve been prompted, Iwill try to be as honest and thorough as I can. :’)

Disclaimer: If you high-key shipeither of the two, please proceed with caution!

To preface:

If it wasn’t already obvious from the content I reblog (and rave about in thetags), my decisive fav character of the series is Kacchan, and similarly, my otp of the series is with him and Deku(as bakudeku, aka bkdk for short – which is how it’scommonly called on twitter). So going in, that’s my given stance already.

But it wasn’t always this way! :O When I first started theseries I went in pretty cautious, wary, and undecided; I actually never plannedto fall so hard for either the character or the ship (and I rarely ship things tobegin with). That is, until Hori repeatedly bludgeoned me in the face and heartwith all the reoccurring and carefully consistent character development, to thepoint ch120 became the final, decisive nail in the coffin - the point of noreturn for me. :’3 So now, I’m fully invested in seeing how their story pulls through to the end, nomatter what it might become (it doesn’t even need to be shippy). With them thematically established as two sidesof the same coin – on opposite ends of the same spectrum of heroism – the twohalves of All Might who both win and rescue:I want to see how they push each other towards greatness and mature into a pairof the best heroes. It’s a long-term investment of hope and a case of slowburn positive development, in direct (and on purpose!) contrast to its rockyand strained foundations (they ARE immature and emotionally constipated teensafter all), but it’s all been carefully laid out through a steady path ofnarrative foreshadowing. Where the prospects at the end of that path – of mutualsupport, understanding, reconciliation, cooperation, teamwork, trust – arebeautiful and rewarding things that make their ongoing journey of growth worthit. So…for Hori to smash any original expectations I might have had, and makeme fall hard for something I never intended to happen, are examples of whatI consider GOOD writing.

After I realized this, I went and did my research. Which inmy case, is reading up on countless character/relationship meta and fanfics togauge how the fandom sees their potential too. So I am very aware of the multiple sides of existing arguments and the dramathat’s already happened in the fandom (from across both tumblr and twitter). Iknow the western fandom considerably favors kr/bk and td/dk (at least for now), BUT in the eastern fandom,it’s actually bkdk that’s more popular. Hmm, curious why that is?

One of the reasons is partly thanks to the widespread availabilityof fan mistranslations (FA group) that have greatly exaggerated certain characterizations(ie Kacchan), leading to fandom fearmongering and the perpetuation of stigmasagainst the canon development of certain relationships (ie bkdk), which in theoriginal text, were never nearly thatflanderized or as offensive in context to begin with. Include also, adifference in cultural expectations/values, and we get a prickly concoction ofmisunderstandings ready to brew. It’s a poor and unfortunate case of important subtleties/complexitiesgetting lost in translation, while the bad things are blown way out ofproportion, to the point the story’s original intent is sidelined, or worse, canonis deliberately obstructed by translators who already dislike seeing suchcontent (because it’s ‘not their ship’) – so they prevent and hurt othersfrom fully enjoying the progression of the series as the author intended. Peoplecan like what they like (that’s perfectly fine), but in all of my lurking, Ihave SEEN examples of these things (andworse) actively happen, and quite frankly, the spread of this blatant toxicityand compulsive collective ignorance sickens me. So, I choose not to getinvolved with it, and instead focus on the positive.

Because of my preference for meta and faithfulinterpretations of the text (making sure available translations are reliablefor analyzing, for instance), I’ve gathered enough information (andacknowledged enough counterarguments) to make an educated decision for myself onwhat I value most and want to see from the series. Unless Hori veers offotherwise, I’ll stick by that conclusion and enjoy following the series throughto fruition (regardless of what the rest of the opposing fandom might say).

For example, one of the first dedicated and respectful metawriters – back when only the FA scans were available, but who ALSO providedcorrections from the Japanese text where necessary, came to this conclusionabout Deku and Kacchan’s characterizations:

From ryokure:

“Deku is such a super special case that if a fanfichas him and Kacchan in it - no matter the parings - and they don’t have somecase of mutual obsession, I actually consider that OOC.”

Which, after everything I’ve seen of the characters, I can fully concur withthat statement.

MEANING, if the fandom portrays them off alone, together, or involvedin relationships with other characters and they lack this intrinsic magnetism that binds them together (for betteror worse) – if they can somehowfunction completely normal without being influenced by the presence of anotherand magically not even care about each other anymore, then my suspension of disbeliefbreaks. They’re too OOC. (Unless it’s a fic au where they never met or grew uptogether.) These two are TOO canonically wrapped up in their mutual complexesto simply cut ties, wrap up all their unresolved issues with a band-aid,and essentially ignore a core issue of the series for the sake of ‘shipconvenience’ with others. Their canon relationship is too complex to make such simplifiedportrayals of them believable, or even such flimsy ‘solutions’ for their issuesfeasible. Thankfully, we have Hori actively doing all the hard work for us sowe don’t have to worry about such transgressions like that happening in canon. (InHori’s consistent characterizations we trust!)

Now then, with all of THISestablished, I can finally answer your main question: my opinion on kiri/bakuand todo/deku.

Let’s start with todo/deku:

Because believe it or not, when I was still new to the fandom and in my earlyresearch stages, I actually lowkey shipped them and read plenty of fics aboutthem too! I was open to them as a pair, but still undecided and wary because I didn’t know who to ship withDeku: either Todoroki or Bakugou. I saw all the widespread (western) fandomcontent for td/dk, with the apparent foundations for the ship based on eventsfrom the Sports Festival, where Deku ‘saves’ Todoroki and acts as the catalystto allow him to defrost his issues with his father and realize his true power.I thought, ‘ooh there’s something interesting in there worth looking forwardto; I’ll keep an eye on how canon develops their relationship from here.’

Unfortunately…canon didn’t give me anything else substantial to build on. Andin my case, those are foundations I NEED to be fully on board and convinced fora ship. It was the equivalent of fandom hyping me up for something to lookforward to, with me sitting there with a huge smile and my arms raised inanticipation…only for the rest of the manga to leave me dry. It was a hugedisappointment. Because except for a few scattered incidents, like from theStain arc and maybe the recent ‘it’s ok for heroes to cry sometimes too’moment, canon progress for their relationship has been severely underwhelmingand virtually nonexistent. Todoroki has chilled into becoming a supportive (yetstill socially awkward) friend for Deku yes, but even Iida has had more canon incidents of concern for Deku’s wellbeing,and challenges Deku into becoming a better person/hero with their interactions.(And yet, fandom support for Deku and Iida is virtually nonexistent incomparison, because their friendship resembles the camaraderie between bros, Iguess??)

So then I was like, ‘wait, am I missing something here? WHY does the fandomlove td/dk so much, when their canon interactions are so limited, and the onlybig thing that’s happened between them was all the way back in the SportsFestival??’ So, I went and investigated the potential of their relationshipfurther in fanfics (which are quite numerous and popular on a03 I might add).

After taking a look, I began to see trends. Most td/dk fics are heavily skewed in Todoroki’s favor, tothe point of being practically one-sided in character development. The mainconflict in almost all their ficnarratives revolves around solving Todoroki’s issues with his father and comingto terms with HIS powers, leaving Deku as a passive, supporting participant inhelping Todoroki out with his problems. Which, while the two of them could bondtogether over their missing/difficult father issues, after a while this same familyconflict gets old and stale. What else is there? What about Deku’s problems for equality’s sake?He’s the main protagonist! How abouthis difficulties in learning how to make One for All his own too? Ah nope, hecan’t canonically confide in Todorokiabout the secrets of his quirk, now can he. ;) Oh wait. What about his problems with Bakugou? Is the biggest elephant in the room going to be ignored for the sakeof typical couple melodrama, or is my fav character going to be demonized so that Todoroki, the ‘prince’on a white horse, can ‘save’ Deku, the ‘damsel’ in distress, from him?! No way. And THAT is another hugeproblem I have with the ship.

Because in all the fics I’ve read of them, I never once was convinced ofDeku’s feelings for Todoroki. I can understand Todoroki gaining a passing crushon Deku thanks to their fight in the Sports Festival. But Deku? How does heeven fall for him? Just becauseTodoroki is nice and considerate and listens to him? Like a friend? (Deku has Uraraka and Iida forthat too, what makes Todoroki any more special than them in Deku’s life?) Thisties in to my previously mentioned suspension of disbelief and ooc territorynow. Because Deku is not some haplessdamsel in distress ready to be swept off his feet and easily charmed by somepotential suitor; he’s a BAMF with a heroic spirt that’s even feared byBakugou. And these traits are so rarely utilized to their full potential intd/dk fics - Todoroki’s influence rarely even challenges or inspires Deku toBECOME the best he can be to draw out his latent potential. (Iida’s canonicallydone more in that regard thanTodoroki’s ever done.) Again, it feels too one-sided in Todoroki’s favor toimprove as a better person/hero.

Oh yeah, and since Deku became one of Todoroki’s first ‘true friends,’ forTodoroki to fall for him feels like putting too many eggs in one basket,without giving Todoroki the chance tobranch out and make normal/healthy relationships with OTHERS first beforesettling down. He’s a socially awkward kid emotionally repressed by domesticabuse; for him to latch onto Deku, the ‘first’ person he’s finally (andliterally) warmed up to, feels like the budding symptoms of unhealthy copingmechanisms and compensating for Todoroki’s deeper emotional issues. Where it thenbecomes Deku’s ‘responsibility’ to care for the turnout of his wellbeing, whenNO - Deku’s got plenty of his OWN issues to become burdened with someone else’s on top of those. Plus in canon,Todoroki’s doing just fine and is perfectly capable of handling his personal problems onhis own without having to depend on Deku.

Again, it’s all touchy territory that feels like it sidelines the mainintent of the series itself – by branching off into the deep end of Todoroki’sangst at the expense of Deku’s, or worse: simply wrapping everything up with afluffy bow called ‘the power of love.’ Nuh-uh, not only is that immenselyidealistic and unrealistic, but it’s totally not the kind of content I signedup for when I started the series. I’m frankly not interested in delving into thoseoff-tangent topics in opposition to canon, where Deku’s problems are oftensidelined, his characterization compromised, and my fav character (Kacchan) eitherbecomes an exaggerated, antagonizing impediment to their ship or is simplytreated like he doesn’t even exist. (My patience and willing suspension of disbeliefonly go so far.)

In the end, Todoroki’s a supportingcharacter. In a tertiary tier after the protagonist (Deku) and the deuteragonist(Bakugou). Yet in td/dk fics he’s almost always turned into a main protagonistsomehow. I can understand his appeal and why he’s so popular in the fandom, yes(and I like him too!), but there’s a point where this exposure becomes TOO much,the limit to his available canon issues becomes saturated and repetitive, and itultimately becomes so tiring to keepcoming back and addressing the same topics in fanon when canon has alreadymarched on to focus on more pressing issues. I’m more interested in exploring those other things.

So nowadays, whenever I see td/dk content, I go ‘ayy that’s nice (or cute),’and keep on scrolling. It doesn’t bother me, but it doesn’t interest meanymore either. I probably won’t touch anymore fics of them together either;I’ve seen and had enough. I’m actually more receptive to seeing Todorokiinteract and develop friendships with other characters, like Inasa (the wind guy from the rival school)or even Momo for instance. Either of those ships I see around, I’m cool withtoo.

The final line: I don’t ship them (anymore), because canon swayed me over with the more pressing and compelling developments of bkdk.

NOW, it’s time to talk about kiri/baku:

To start, I actually LOVE Kirishima as a character. And I’ve alreadyestablished upfront that my fav character in the series is Kacchan. So whatgives? It turns out their ship has neverbeen on my radar.

Kirishima is a great character, but I’ve only ever seen him as a supportive bro. To EVERYONE in their class. Whichis precisely how Hori designed him: to be a compassionate/empathetic nice guywho bridges the gaps between the class with his vigorous enthusiasm and support(same role that Denki shares, by the way). And he fulfils this role splendidly.But he ALSO has his own insecurities and developing friendships with manyothers in the class – Denki, Mina, and Deku included. All of those people areimportant to him (and I’m cool with all their ships with him too). Kirishimadoes not solely revolve aroundBakugou.

It’s true that near the beginning of the series, Bakugou was an angry loner,Kirishima trailed after him on his own accord, and after seeing his version of‘manliness’, decided to stick by him and support him, because Kiri saw thepositives of his character that ‘no one’ else bothered to see. (NOT true; Dekuhas always seen and admired Kacchan’spositive traits since they were children.)And so what’s canonically established is a budding friendship where Kirishimafulfils his given role to bridge gaps (whenever Bakugou strays away from theclass), essentially working as a rubber band plot device, and as a secondperspective – aka a fresh lens, for the audience to view Bakugou’s positivequalities.

All of this I’m cool with. I actually enjoyseeing their canon interactions and the kind of fun, slapstick way they bounceoff each other. (I even like the concept of Dragon!Kiri too!) BUT, it’s whenfanon starts twisting their canon relationship into shippy territory, that’swhere things start getting…ugly, at least for me.

Remember, I’ve always only seen Kirishima as a supportive bro, and I MEAN that. They have the samered eyes. The same style of spikey hair. The same pumped up mannerisms whenthey get going. Too many similarities that rub me the wrong way when put in aromantic context. (The only difference is that one of them is the soft-hearted ‘niceguy,’ and the other is the outwardly prickly ‘asshole.’) To me, to ship them feels like the equivalentof taking the parallel ends of two polarized magnets: you can manually forcethem close together, but in the end, they cannot touch because the same ends ofmagnets naturally repel. Now, flip one of those magnets around (aka turn it intoDeku), and boom, the opposite ends attract with explosive force. And THAT ishow bkdk feels to me in comparison.

However, the kr/bk fandom doesn’t stop there. I know there exists plenty of fics about them, but I’ve never read any, and frankly, I never will, not even for curiosity’ssake. Because from the overabundance of otherfandom content, I already know what their ship dynamic is about. And it doesnot appeal to me at all.

Remember how I said Kacchan is my favorite. I do not appreciate when thefandom warps him into either a demonized or castrated caricature of himself –aka when they turn him into someone he most definitely is NOT, all for the sakeof a ship. Or worse: when they use Kiri’s relationship as a means of changingBakugou into a character they findmore appealing. NO. Even more worse: when they treat Kiri’s whole character as awalking plot device for ALL of Bakugou’s positive character development. Fuckno! Kirishima doesn’t deserve this dehumanizing treatment by the fans, andneither does my fav, getting subjected to this…betrayal to his whole character.

What am I talking about? When fans insist that Kiri is the ONLY personBakugou can be ‘nice’ to, outright forsaking or ignoring the canon developmentseither of them have with other characters – what about Denki, the rest of the‘Bakusquad’? Or Deku? Remember my dislike for ignoring the elephant in the room back in my spiel about td/dk?Well here, it’s infinitely times worse.

Because Kiri does not become aconvenient narrative replacement to ‘solve’ all of Bakugou’s problems or themeans to correct his bad behavior. It’s not even Kiri’s business orresponsibility to do so! (Same deal if Uraraka is shipped in Kiri’s place.) Hispresence doesn’t challenge Bakugou’s current conduct or world views to improvehimself as a better person, OR actively affect his drive to become the best hero.At most, Kiri endures the brunt of Bakugou’s outbursts when they happen(because he can harden with his quirk, he can ‘take’ it, and their banterbecomes ‘humorous’ and ‘harmless’…no, it absolutely does not) and amicably slides off any further implications with a ‘heyman, that’s not cool’, or excuses/accepts it with a ‘it’s fine because he’s justbeing himself.’ Now we have a situation where Kiri becomes a passive ‘butt-monkey’to Bakugou’s whims and actually enableshis unacceptable behavior to persist. And Bakugou somehow becomes fully invested in a single confidant who babies andpicks up after him (how the heck? no way would he allow himself to get ropedinto a relationship like that, if any at all. He’s strong and independent enoughto handle himself fine.). Even when it’s portrayed where Kiri is the ‘only’ oneBakugou’s nice to, they’d exist in a vacuum tunnel, sealed off from the influenceof others, and become a spiraling fester-hole of static development. None ofthese prospects are the ‘healthy’ long-term results that fandom seems to claimthey are. Tell me, if Bakugou was reallyan abusive character, would his behavior magically ‘fix’ itself simply thanksto Kiri’s passive influence or ‘the power of his understanding kindness and love’?The answer is a resounding and definite NO. The only person who can canonically stand up to Bakugou’s behavior (andnot brush it off), fundamentally challengehis world views and complexes, match him in equal and opposite intensity with themutual drive to be the best, and receivethe full extent of his turbulent feelings, is Deku.

This is what I’m referring to when I say fandom often ‘ignores the elephantin the room,’ because THIS (Deku and Kacchan’s relationship) is an established,ongoing and important core issue of the series itself, that many shippers wouldrather sideline for the priority, current gratification, and fluffy convenienceof an opposing ship. Aka, simply slap them together with the first nice friend theymeet (in both Todo and Baku’s cases, it’s the ‘too many eggs in one basket’problem again…), who will solve all their problems and work to ‘change’ theminto better people…somehow? No, that’s the case of unrealistic, wishful thinking bad writing andtaking the easy way out when something -the elephant in the room- is too challengingand complex to tackle head on. Thankfully, Hori IS tackling their story head onas purposely intended, so I don’t have to worry about canon jumping the sharkon the progress of their relationship.

So, instead of Kiri being shipped with Bakugou, I much prefer him as a supportingcharacter (a supportive bro!!) who helps ease Bakugou into social/emotionalsituations that he’d normally avoid (which is how Hori originally designedhim??? to bridge those gaps -aka Bakugou’s loner distance - in the class) I’veread plenty of bkdk fics where Kiri becomes the mvp BECAUSE of his natural abilityto do this! With him as a much-needed wingman, voice of empathetic reason, and trustedsecond opinion who Bakugou can confide in to help confront his chronicemotional constipation over Deku. Shipperscan claim that Kiri helps Baku come to terms and become receptive to ‘softer,’ affectionatefeelings when they’re together, when it’s actually the opposite: Kiri becomes astepping stone for Bakugou to learn how to ‘make friends’ with other people whenthey’re apart. ‘Other people’ meaning: Denki, the ‘squad’, Todoroki, the restof the class…and most importantly, Deku.Let my son -Kacchan- learn how to form healthy, genuine relationships withpeople again, so he can gain the necessary experience and maturity to reproach hislifelong treatment of Deku and decide to patch up their relationship on his own terms. This, I feel, is a much more satisfyingoutcome and effective use of Kiri’s character, both in his involvement withBakugou and for the long-run benefit of the series itself.

But instead of seeing it this way, much of the (western) fandom overexaggerates the importance of Kiri and Baku’s relationship, to the point it notonly overshadows the content of other ships, but obfuscates the actual translated GEN contentof canon itself. (WHY!?!) I’m not even going to touch the propensity, hypocrisy, and irony of their shippers to harassand bully others for their opposing shipping preferences (that’s a whole other can of worms). Overall,it’s gotten so bad and obnoxiously rampant that I’ve been forced to block the ship tag for my own sanity and enjoyment of theseries. The ONLY time it’s ever beenrequired for me to use the blacklist function here, and that’s saying something.

Therefore: I support their friendship as supportive bros, but kr/bk as a ship was never on myradar. I’ve never shipped it, and I will notbecome interested in their potential as a pair. I used to be ok with seeing fan content of them around…until thefandom essentially and unfortunately soured it into a notp for me. Welp!

And there we have it, my full opinion on both ships. I hope that satiatesanyone’s curiosity on the matter, as so far I’ve had plenty of personal reasonsto stay in my own lane and only show my avid support for bkdk. This I’ve confidently decided and I will continue todo so, for as long as I’m invested in the series.

For some further reading and similar informed opinions:

http://explodo-smash.tumblr.com/post/165154054112/not-to-pit-ships-against-one-another-but-i

http://explodo-smash.tumblr.com/post/163895267877/why-do-you-ship-bakugou-and-deku-if-its-abusive

http://tinyshinysylveon.tumblr.com/post/168731953134

https://punkbakugo.tumblr.com/post/170514358890/do-you-think-that-the-fandom-over-exaggerates

Also related: my opinions about Kac/chako. And Izu/Ocha.

Edit: now cross-posted on a03

#Anonymous #replies #bnha #bkdk #meta #shipping #rom it’s time to bring out our salt shakers because it’s PARTY TIME 8D #(whoever makes it thru the nearly 4000 words gets a cookie :'D)#honestly i never expected to get an ask about this but time makes it inevitable i suppose :')#therefore i put in both the time and honesty to speak for myself and other bkdk supporters #my opm followers are welcome to check this monster out too #just to see how much salt i’m packing and normally hold back #(this will not become a regular occurrence - unless i'm explicitly asked for more of my opinions on the matter)#anyway for those with similar solidarity: enjoy! :)

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