#(still gonna follow the daily thing.. but side stuff so it won't feel too

[moonpie016]

Day 4: Light.

---

He certainly tried to leave the lights on.

I didn't really know what to do for this one, then I had an idea for the other component (Night, but that's faaarrrrrr down the list).

I don't have much to comment about this, it's once more, just THERE. Still enjoy this though!

---

(I'd go on a whole newly found interest ramble again because I'm always finding something that catches me. But not now, not yet anyways. Because it's completely unrelated. :] )

---

[unforth]

Alright instead of rageposting about white people perpetuating racism problems in cnovel/cdrama fandoms I've channeled my feels into cleaning up some shit I've been doing a bad job at maintaining and feeling horribly guilty about for months or even years. This is probably a healthier use of my current "fuck it." So, for reference, I've:

deleted the kink meme part of the DMBJ kink meme on AO3. This means that the prompts and sign ups and claims are now gone (I'm sorry I didn't give people time to save their prompts, but the reason I didn't do this months ago was that it had many steps and I was being useless about DOING those steps and as I said in the intro paragraph, I'm now at "fuck it" and like. if I can't do it "the right way" I'm today just breaking and doing it "the wrong way" and here we are). The collection and the ten stories in it still exists and anonymity and such are still maintained for people who wanted it, but new prompts and new fills cannot be submitted.

ditto the above for the kink meme part of the SPN kink meme on AO3. The prompts and sign ups and claims are now gone. I also removed myself administrating the Tumblr, though the other two people involved (fpwoper and envydean) do still have access. I realized belatedly that I really should have offered to just leave and let them have it but, again, today is apparently "fuck it" day which means I'm not thinking through the ramifications of my actions which has resulted in some bad fandom citizenry behavior on my part, and again, I truly do apologize. (I've offered to help them reconstruct the challenge part if either of them wants to run it; fpwoper has already said no, I'll see what envydean says and I'll apologize profusely even more and do what I can do fix things if envydean DOES want to take over and make it active again). The collection and the stories written for it still exist; that's about 40 works. Thanks to everyone who participated.

I left @saawek's Star of Solitude event, which I helped run a year and a half ago. Saawek hasn't really been active on Tumblr, but hun if you see this it's nothing at all about you or TGCF I'm just pulling back from things that even seeing them in my blog list has been causing me stress on the daily.

I formally announced that I'll be consolidating @zhenhunartreblogs and @dmbjartreblogs in @cnovelartreblogs, and I've posted to that effect in all three blogs. If you want Zhenhun/Guardian and DMBJ art content from my sideblogs, unfollow the old blogs and follow at cnovelartreblogs, and just black list fandoms you're not interested in - that's the whole reason I tag everything.

I deleted another side blog I haven't been using.

I'm considering deleting @memesforwriters, which I only update maybe once a month, and honestly just typing all this up has I think tipped me over into "fuck it" and I'm going to delete that too. I expect I'll instead reblog relevant memes to the @duckprintspress account, since I have to maintain that regardless.

My last remaining completely inactive Tumblr sideblog is where I'd posted on translated chapter the 2ha manhua. I really would like to be doing more work like that, though hell if I know when I'll have time; I renamed that blog to @unforthfantranslations, and I have vague hopes to translate more of 2ha and to tackle Lie Huo Jiao Chou (which I've never read any version of and would like to). But tbh I probably won't manage any progress on any of that until the fall.

Nothing like a pile of grief to make me say "I'm done feeling guilty about this stuff, like is too short, fuck it I'm gonna make these changes I've been waffling about for ages."

P. S. I opened another window to check how exactly I'd renamed the translation blog and while I had it opened I decided on a compromise with memesforwriters, which is that I'm exporting it, and THEN I'll delete it. And I DMed the Destiel Harlequin mods that I'm done and think we should shut it down. And I spotted a couple Discord servers I'm going to leave.

So yeah. that's the mood today in a (rather large and overly wordy) nutshell.

Apparently when I said yesterday that I'd be quiet, I failed to take into account how I ACTUALLY process grief. In my defense, this is only the...fourth?...time someone I really care about has died in my entire life. (counts of...Arthur, Gil, my grandfather, yeah that's three...of course other people I've cared about have died but no one who I loved and who I felt "I wish I had more time with this person." Like...I wish I'd had more time with Belle but I didn't love her...yeah I'm just babbling now I'm sorry I'm like this today.)

ETA: okay I just left like 6 Discord servers I haven't been using, too. There's only one I'm still like "maybe I shouldn't..." but I know a lot of people in that server and if I really want back in I can ask for invite.

[bitty-bits]

A Jolly SineTrismas

It surely was another year. Let's look back at some stuff, and forward to other stuff, in the final Bitty Bits edition of 2022.

First of all, happy holidays to all who celebrate. Yeah it is a bit late on the "more famous holiday" side of things, but there are still others going on, and... in general it's probably never wrong to be festive during all of December. (It's also not wrong to NOT be festive! Just pointing that out!)

Many things happened in this late half of the year, controversial things, stupid things, all things. Here I will talk about some that mattered to me, to some extent.

(Also, RIP bozo...naro! Good riddance!)

This issue is dedicated to @rick-666, friend and avid newsletter enthusiast who encouraged me to try to fix the broken ass email form thingy that should actually send these posts as newsletter things but just isn't working! I'll have it fixed next year, I promise!!!!

My Work - Where To Next?

So I've made and tried to make many things through the years, but as someone who pretty much does anything all the time, I'm finding myself often doing... nothing at the end of it.

In 2020 I basically started work on Ketchup Dreams by making its first characters, Bitty and Lake, with more to follow the coming years... but still nothing too substantial. Pondered with which medium to present these characters in. Comics? Animation? In the end I'd just continue adding some things here and there to the overall project, but it still doesn't seem like enough. I really want to build a good universe for these guys to live in.

So at the moment I feel kinda directionless. But hopefully that will change. I guess I won't know what sticks until I actually do stuff.

From Bitty also came the entire aesthetic, motif, symbol, meaning AND name for, I guess you can call my "indie" studio/group/label thing... which my future creative works will be released under, and who knows maybe even friends' creations. The "ᑎᐱ" thing was kind of accidental, but I liked it enough that I wanted it to mean something for me. Not to sound corny and dumb, but to me "ᑎᐱ" is kinda like another representation of the polarity we have in life, much like black and white, but in this case it would be something like... smooth and sharp. Yeah I'm not gonna try to give too much meaning to it, it's just for fun, mostly. Bitty's ears initially were meant to just be bunny + kitty ears (hence the incredibly original name) for an asymmetrical design, but that basically spiraled into everything else.

All that said I'm still doing stuff every now and then, I even have been experimenting with tweaking Lake's design slightly, you can even see a little bit of that in the header art here. More on that some other time...

You can check the current "roadmap" for Studio SineTri projects on the pinned tweet.

Why not "TriSine" instead? Because that just... sounds too normal. "Tri" is an existing and common prefix. Also the order matters.

The Tesla In The Room

I don't think I need to talk much about the whole thing with Elon Musk buying Twitter and everything that came with it. Mostly I'm just tired of it all. Billionaires, other than beings that shouldn't exist, are Boring and not even in a funny kind of way (except for Bill Gates, his mere existence is comedic to me probably thanks to early internet culture) I wish I just didn't have to hear about 'em. But I guess we can't.

Anyways this entire situation practically got me back into being on Tumblr daily, after I had left it in favor of Twitter in like 2015, and now... the opposite is happening, that's just how sick I am of Twitter. Not just the website itself but the people in it and the energy that usually comes out of there these days. Musk was simply a final nail in the coffin. The problem is... he just keeps adding more nails. Here's hoping Elon doesn't ruin the very last thing that made Twitter "fun" to me - TweetDeck, but chances it'll survive are slim.

I'm also on Mastodon btw. Juuust in case.

AI Art Discourse - What's Happening?!

"A Still of Klonoa in The Simpsons"

Speaking of Twitter, probably one of the least pleasing topics to witness over there lately will be this.

No doubt, "AI art" as a concept pretty much exploded into popularity in 2022, while it already existed in concept years before, this was pretty much the one year that, 5 years ago, we'd look at machine learning attempting art and say "now just think about how that'll be 5 years from now", and well, that time IS now. Kinda.

There's legitimate worry about whether or not the computer would be able to replace artists, but... personally I don't think it will ever BECAUSE... there will still always be a demand for humanity and human-created content no matter how good any sort of AI gets, and well, currently AI still struggles with "drawing" many things. But it's fine, earlier this year people were mostly memeing with AI generators, being impressed, confused, having a laugh, or everything all at once.

Until computers making drawings suddenly were no longer seen as cool but rather, bad!!! evil!!! problematic!!! etc. even though the reason for that all stems from... misconceptions and misinformation (sometimes on purpose, just because... I dunno. Internet rewards people who get angry at things.) about how the technology works to begin with. No, AI doesn't simply collage a bunch of pictures together, that just isn't how it works, even if it knows what a Mona Lisa looks like almost perfectly. It's hard to put it into words, but this thread I believe explains it a bit better in simpler terms (hopefully), even if you still don't understand, it's... best to not be too ignorant about it.

Of course, I DO think AI ethics is an important conversation that should happen, but not if it's... not gonna be a conversation in the first place. If it sounds too extreme, reactionary, or sounds just about as crazy as anything you'd hear coming from Alex Jones or like, your pro-life uncle™, then it probably isn't the way to go.

This made even people who think photography isn't art come out of their closets, if they even were in one.

There are good use cases for AI in art. One of them is allowing disabled individuals to also partake and experiment with visual arts. Yes, technically nothing "stopped" them from "really" doing it, but just look at how much that argument almost slips into ableism territory (and there is a surprising amount of that coming from some anti-AI folks.) Hell, I could've used AI to create a background for the art on my header as I'm mostly... a character illustrator, focused on characters, and just don't really enjoy drawing backgrounds much at all.

Anyways I recommend y'all check out AWAY (Are We Art Yet), a collective of artists and creators alike embracing AI but also fighting for more ethical AI usage (discussion about scraping images from the web, consent for works to be used as training data, etc.), without the reactionarism and sometimes ableism. They're a friendly bunch.

What I’ve Been Playing / Watching

Gravity Falls

Well, does it really?

Hey Kids, Have You Heard Of Gravity Falls? The show's 10th anniversary was this year and, having heard mostly only good things about it since then, AND as someone who had recently been sucked deep into the modern Disney TVA pipeline (DuckTales 2017, Amphibia and Owl House are also great and would also recommend), I made it a goal to watch all of it before the year ends.

At first I thought this, like other very successful shows, would have way too many seasons for me to really get into, so I was surprised when I found out that wasn't the case.

It's definitely a great show, even 10 years later. From what I saw very little of it comes across as dated when it comes to references or jokes, the characters being likable and interesting are about enough to hook you into it I think. Also Matt Chapman is in there a lot and as an avid Homestar Runner fan, you can just Tell not only through his voices, but his humor and vibes entirely in some episodes.

If there's one thing I probably can't get enough of is Disney cartoons made by some of the most... Non-Disney people on Earth.

The Dream I Had On December 25th

Usually I share my dreams on Twitter, but decided it might be neat to feature some of the more interesting ones right here. They are an essential part of one of my creations after all. This year though, for a reason or another, I had less eventful or weird dreams in general. But waking up on Christmas day this is what was on my mind:

For more of my dreams you can check out my dream journal with stuff since at least 2014, here.

I had a dream I can split up in three parts - first I was at an old house of mine but I could hear a new trailer for the Mario movie premiering far outside, a classic game song could be heard in it and things pointed to it being a Daisy reveal.

Second part was a Strong Bad thing, where I possibly interact with him directly and actually cause a change to homestarrunner.com "accidentally". He makes some sort of analog horror parody, and an old main page gets a new "feature" permanently. I felt a sense of realization since "I caused this". I really wish I remembered more cuz it was great

Third part is the one I can recall the most, it was what seemed like a weird Gravity Falls AU type thing, which is slightly mixed up with The Owl House - In what appears to be the first episode, Grunkle Stan is nowhere to be found, with probably Eda taking his place as the twins' "Graunt". The episode begins with Mabel just wandering around the forest, when she comes across several typically good luck signs all at once, things like four leaf clovers and such. Eda knowing better knows it's a trap and tries to protect Mabel, but she is convinced that Eda is a witch (which probably Should be a secret at first in this alternate timeline I guess, Eda Is Not What She Seems™) and EVIL!!! and ignores her, acting hostile towards her, even, so Eda locks her up in a shelter. Perfectly normal. In there she finds… a journal. It doesn't appear to be -the- GF journal but rather a mix of that and Philip's journal from Owl House. At first it looked like the journal could talk by itself but someone just happened to be there in disguise, it was Soos, who happens to know a couple things about the journal but probably not much. For some reason I was "watching" it in Portuguese and they'd give him a completely different name, likely starting with a hard C, but I can't remember now. Some weird magic thing happens too which I don't remember how it's triggered or when exactly in the episode progression it even happens but it would make food and candy "infinitely stretchy", where you could essentially have infinite amounts of something just by stretching them, and it caused children to go insane over it. Eventually Soos and Mabel made it out of the shelter, with the latter no longer feeling suspicious about Eda. That's about what I can recall.

Song of the Issue

I will now feature some cool music (probably just vgm) I like here, just because. Sometimes topical, sometimes not.

But today it might be.

A secret easter egg track, on the older 2008 MIDI version of the Charlie (the Duck) II soundtrack (that probably came into existence together with the 2008 Windows version of the game, as opposed to the original DOS version which much like other Wiering Software games only had sound effects, at most.)

It would only play on Christmas day, and was basically a slight arrangement of the proper theme, but with some classic Christmas tunes thrown into it.

The OGG/streamed version you hear on the Steam release cuts the song a bit shorter.

More Stuff

Audicons Fluent/2.0/Name Pending

Inspired by Microsoft's Fluent Design aesthetics and technicalities, this will be an update to my existing icon pack for audio formats, covering even more obscure formats that only 3 people know about! Just like the old pack, this will be fully compatible with probably any version of foobar2000. Very soon!

Ninjin on Archive.org

Yeah!

juke...box. AI. video.

yeah dude.

(no, seriously, it'll come out when it comes out. that's it.)

Miscellaneous Tumblr Side Things

I dunno, I just felt like... having a couple dedicated side blogs for specific interests, as some people do, cuz I have ideas. One of them will be about brazilian animation in general. Nothing fancy or scheduled, just things that will exist.

Conclusion

The more I write the more self-conscious I get that I might just be shit at writing Anything, but I still appreciate if anyone actually likes reading through!

Stay tuned for the traditional yearly dumb highlights collage pic™ on my main Tumblr (@lu9) and Twitter (if it's not completely broken by then...)

Bitty's Message of the Day

My new year's resolution is to Exist more!

[green5quirrel]

Star Trek SNW Headcannons

This is some of my Star Trek Strange New Worlds bullshit. Feel free to scroll, followers. Scroll like the wind!

So far Star Trek: SNW has been the most Heterosexual Star Trek in YEARS. Granted, we're just a bit past halfway through the first season. There's been queer shit mentioned-ish. But compared to DISCO, this series has embraced being the gayest straight show since TOS.

I like it. Don't me wrong. The nostalgia is ON FIRE with this show. I'm just eating it up like a turtle and a strawberry. (Om...nom...fucking nom...)

But my thirst to see my queer fam represented (as well as myself) on screen has lead my brain to turn into a neon rainbow cloud of electricity with one mission: gay everyone. Gay as verb, mind you. I want to gay EVERYONE.

Now, I won't. In my headcannons I'm sure they'll be a token straight character, so don't you worry my little allies.

But I need more queer.

Get ready your hate comments, my sweet lampreys, because I'm about to RUIN some stuff.

Pike: I'm about to start ruining right now. Pike is our token hetero. He's a tried and true ally, but he has a thing for powerful feminine energy. He wants to be RULED. (But what about Spock?? You leave Kirk's bitch out of this!)

Una: Bi. Lusting over La'an. Knowing the chain of command, tho, so not wanting to do anything about it. Probably has had a previous romantic life. Perhaps has a child/children.

La'an: Lusting over Una. Follows the damn rules so same as Una. Repressed emotionally enough to have only had unsuccessful flings. Is too intimidating for most, even the butchest among them. Loves women but doesn't need your fucking labels because she's so out of touch with her romantic side that she doesn't even think about it.

Ortegas: Ace/Demi (that's right, AT ME). She is passionate as hell. She is friend. She is queer platonic with Chapel. She is loving some garlic bread and cake. She is tired of your bullshit.

Spock: Pan. I mean, if he's gonna be bi (which he totally is) it would be just as logical to be pan because there are so many expressions of gender and spectrums of anatomical and genetic sexual characteristics...why limit? Fascinating. He also has a crush on everyone all the time. Polyam as well because ¿Por qué no dos?

Chapel: Thinks she needs a man but really she just needs a family. She's in so many queer platonics she has trading cards. She likes sex. If anything she is pan. But she thinks she wants to settle down. Pines for one person while not realizing she actually wants everyone. Also has a kink for aliens. Would never tell anyone she's sweet on Hemmer. But who wouldn't be?

M'Benga: Complicated. His love is focused on his daughter currently. His energy is taken by figuring out how to save her. No time for relationships other than the platonic family ones he's making with the crew or professional specialists he's working with to treat her. He's a sweet cinnamon roll and I hope they give him happiness. I'd want him on my side. Fierce love, that one.

Hemmer: My love! Hemmer! Hello, dear! He's super gay. Has an Andorian low-key partner he connects with daily on another starship (Shran story influence). They joke about how Starfleet tries to spread the aliens out to every ship and that's why they've never been assigned together. They're casual because neither have the emotional resources to dedicate to each other in a committed way. But neither one are too invested in seeking out other partners either. Both have traumatic backstories where they are rejected by their family units. I even have his partner's name. Etnar. Also, Etnar's a botanist.

Uhura: Super into other cultures, she is super pan. Everything is open to her. She wants to know. She has compassion. Her relationships have been strong and passionate. But she is still wandering before settling down. She is focused on what's in front of her, not the future. Crushes? Oh yeah. Like Christine she can't help but find everyone so attractive but also so interesting. She doesn't know if she'll ever feel like she truly belongs but she wants to make the MOST of her time! I just can't wait to see where they take her. And unlike the other characters, I really don't need to see her in a relationship. She is a such a full character already. I just want to see what she accomplishes!

Kirk: You think I'd pass up Sammy? Nah. He's curious. He'll try anything once. He defies labels. He just does things for the sake of doing them. He gets hurt. He gets up. He tries someone else. Ends up in a surprisingly stable relationship. Probably with an androgynous alien without the definitions of sex and gender that we have. They're very happy together.

[the-sympathetic-villain]

Hello! I just saw your post about wanting remus prompts? Obvs no pressure but I cant get this out of my mind of the rat man..... BAKING

Yes... I need the rat man baking. This took me a bit because I’m really bad at writing short prompts but I like how it turned out! Originally, this was meant to be straight fluff but I couldn’t seem to get away from my personal headcanon that Remus stress bakes lol but its still mostly fluff with a little bit of vulnerability from the rat man <3

Cookies and Coping Mechanisms

Description: After SvSR, Remus knows that everyone is upset by the outcome of episode. His solution? Dragging a reluctant Virgil into the kitchen to make cookies.

Word Count: 1747

Characters: Remus, Virgil (Platonic Dukexiety)

Warnings: Remus-Type Content (Sexual innuendo, Allusions to Drugs, References to gore, etc.), Flirting, Swearing

---

    “Come on, Virgie. This'll be fun.”

    “Last time I heard that, you ended up on fire, Remus.” Virgil muttered as he shoved his hands in his hoodie pockets, cast a cautious glance at the bouncing creative side.

    “You can't spell fun without fire!” Remus chirped happily.

     Virgil stopped in his tracks, looking up in disbelief. “Yes, you can—”

     “Not if you actually want to have fun, Gerard Gay.” Remus threw out over his shoulder as he continued his manic dive into the cupboards. Metal pans flew up to the countertop as Remus swung around to throw open another drawer with a loud clang.

    Virgil growled. His eyes darkened with exasperation as Remus tossed a bag of flour on the counter and a puff of white haze shot up into the air. “I'm so glad that Logan soundproofed the kitchen so you can as be as loud as you want.”

     “Hey, that was Roman's fault." Remus stopped digging through the fridge to point at Virgil. “He brought the firecrackers—”

     “You lit them!” Virgil threw his hands up in a gesture to the large scorch marks in front of the stove.

     “Irrelevant.” Remus purred with a playful grin. “Now preheat the oven for me, emo boy.”

    “To what?” Virgil muttered as he stalked toward the oven.

    “350 degrees, baby!”

    “Don’t call me baby.” Virgil sighed, barely looking up at the mess Remus was making as he danced around the kitchen. “I don't even know why we're doing this. Cookies can’t fix what happened.”

    “Well, it sure as hell can't hurt, Donnie Darko,” Remus winked, shooting finger guns at Virgil. “especially since we’re catering to each of them personally. Everyone can hate each other and all, but they can't hate cookies.”

    Virgil paused in confusion.  “You said we were making one batch of cookies, Remus. I didn't sign up for a whole day with—”

    “I never said we weren't. Just one batch is all we need.” Remus grinned with a teasing smile, taunting him to continue.

    “How can one batch of cookies cater to all of them?” Virgil wondered. “I mean I get Patton, but the others are a little harder to please.”

    “Don't you worry. I'll spill the beans,” Remus paused with a suggestive grin. “but first I need you to strip, Frightmare before Christmas.”

    Virgil let out an exaggerated sigh as he ducked his head to hide the redness in his cheeks. “Whatever fantasy your trying to get me play out, I won't—”

     “Lose the hoodie, Virge. Everything else is optional.” Remus interrupted, grinning suggestively as Virgil tipped his head up. “Unless—"

    “No.”

    “Fine,” Remus giggled as he gave in to Virgil. Before he walked away, he slipped a piece of paper across the table as Virgil slipped his jacket off and laid it off to the side. “It’s to get nice and toasty in here and I don’t need you looking like you just got off a sweet bender covered in a suspicious white powder when we go to deliver the goods.”

    “Okay—Okay! It’s off now.” Virgil through his hands up in exasperation as Remus wiggled his eyebrow up at him. “You can stop tormenting me.”

    “Great.” Remus cheered with a flourish of his hands as he tossed the flour at Virgil. He giggled as the bag erupted into a white puff all over Virgil, leaning into his friend’s scowl before returning to hopping about the kitchen. “Mix the dry ingredients and I'll start on the wet stuff.”

    “Great.” Virgil huffed, rolling his eyes as he straightened out his black tee and brushed the flour off himself. Reluctantly, he picked up the flour to begin as he looked up at Remus for explanation. “Now, tell me why you think this is going to make everything better.”

    “Well, Pattycake obviously loves homemade gifts—"

     “Patton is the easiest to please.” Virgil muttered as he measured the flour. “That's not an accomplishment.”

   “Yeah, well. All Roman wants is attention. The fact that we were thinking of him is enough to brighten his spirits,” Remus grinned as he started to whisk together his ingredients. “and the snake boy has a sweet tooth. He hates to admit it, but sugar is Janus’ comfort food.”

    Virgil paused. His eyes narrowed on Remus with skepticism in his eyes. “And what about Logan?”

     Remus’ grin widened as he swiped Virgil’s bowl and began combining the ingredients. “Well, we're making thumbprint cookies and—”

    “—and thumbprint cookies require jam.” Virgil deadpanned as Remus nodded. He stared blankly as the creative side finished the dough and reached below the counter.

     “Bingo, bad boy.” Remus chirped as he slid a jar of Crofter's across the table.

    Virgil eyed the jam suspiciously as he bit his lip. “Where exactly did you pull that from—”

    “Not relevant.” Remus cheered brightly as he handed Virgil a spoon and started forming the cookies. “Start scooping and don't skimp on the jam. I don't want to offend the nerdy professor.”

    “Re, this is—” Virgil stared as he followed behind Remus, dropping jam into the indents of the cookies. “—surprisingly thoughtful.”

    “So, what?” Remus grinned, raising an eyebrow at Virgil. “Can't a guy do a nice thing every once in a while?”

     Virgil blinked, trying to stifle his own shock. “You try to convince Thomas to jump out of moving cars or eat dirt at least daily. Nice things just aren’t what you’re about. Are they?”

     “Maybe, I don’t like being predictable.” Remus chuckled as he took the tray from Virgil and slipped it in the oven.

    “Holy shit,” Virgil’s mouth dropped open as Remus set the timer. “You actually care about how the others are feeling right now?”

    “What?” Remus mused, raising an eyebrow at Virgil. “Did you think I was here for my own amusement, stormy night?”

    “I mean, kinda.” Virgil dropped his hands to his side, tugging at the hem of his tee. “I didn’t know that you were capable of—"”

    “Of course, you wouldn't think so.” Remus interrupted with a bored tone, sounding exasperated.

     Virgil paused as Remus dropped his voice. The uncharacteristic serious in his friend's muted tone stopped him in his tracks and he turned back to see Remus leaned on his elbows, staring at the countertop.

    “After this last video without us, everyone's thoughts about themselves are turning to crap and I feel them spiraling just the way you do, emo boy.” Remus smirked as Virgil stared back at him with shock in his eyes. “So, yeah. I used to make Thomas repeat this recipe over and over in his head until he memorized the damn thing.”

    “You did that so you could bake for the others if they had a bad day?” Virgil blinked, shocked at the sudden change from Remus’ usual boisterous behavior.

    Remus let out a long sigh as he fidgeted with a wooden spoon in his hand, twirling it between his fingers. “You might be his anxiety, but your not the only one carrying that gnawing dread that nothing's gonna work out, Dr. Doom. If it's grating and repetitive, it shows up on my radar too.”

    “I had no idea." Virgil muttered, unsure of what else to say.

    “You can thank Janus for that one, Virgie baby.” Remus chirped, a little more upbeat as the time chimed off. “You didn’t want to know and the snake's been keeping you safe and snug as long as you been kicking.”

    “But what about you, Ree?” Virgil wondered out loud as Remus started to drop the hot cookies onto plates to cool. “Who keeps you safe?”

    “Eh, who cares?” Remus’ voice cracked slightly as he rolled his eyes. “Point is that I’ll feel icky and this’ll make that go away.”

    “Remus, that’s not—”

    “What? Healthy?” Remus purred, as he wrapped an arm around Virgil’s shoulder and jostling him. “Hate to break it to you, kid, but I'm not Tommy-boy’s good coping mechanisms.”

    “No, but that's why Thomas works on them.” Virgil muttered as Remus released him. “I'm not exactly what Thomas wants all the time either, but he work through his issues so that I can focus on protecting him.”

   “Here’s the thing though,” Remus flashed Virgil a sharp-toothed grin as he chuckled. “My purpose ain’t quite so handy as yours, so its not worth that—”

    “You’re wrong, Remus.”

    Remus looked up in surprise at Virgil’s abrupt response. He stared for a moment at the concern in Virgil’s eyes before straightening up. “Oh?”

    “You keep Thomas grounded in reality.” Virgil shrugged as Remus looked up at him with skepticism in his eyes. “If Thomas lived his life looking Princey's rose-colored glasses, he'd be ignoring all the complex and difficult things that give life meaning.”

    Remus raised an eyebrow at him with a playful glimmer in his eyes. “So, there is creative value in ‘juicy butth—”

    “Stop,” Virgil held up a hand with a chuckle. “You know what I mean. Not everything is sunshine and sparkles. Thomas can’t ignore things just because he doesn’t like them. He needs the ability to face those things and you give him that, Remus.”

     Remus giggled, flashing a knowing smirk at Virgil. “You better be careful, Virgie. If you’re not, I might start to think you give a shit.”

    “I do.” Virgil dipped his head to hide the redness in his cheeks as Remus smirked at him. “I do, okay? Now, just shut up so we can deliver some cookies.”

    “Oh, gag me, emo boy.” Remus chuckled, barely concealing his smile as he made an over-exaggerated expression of disgust. “I didn't know you were capable of being so tooth-rottingly sweet—”

    “Just shut up." Virgil muttered half-heartedly as he smiled and took the plate Remus held out for him.

    Remus chuckled, nodding to the exit with a smirk. “Fine. How about we just deliver these top-notch sweets to our favorite depressed bitches then?”

    “Fine—” Virgil nodded reluctantly, hesitating as he followed Remus. “—and then maybe we could watch a movie or something after?”

   Remus nodded, perking up as he bounced along the hallway. “Something gory?”

    Virgil snorted as he staggered down the hallway. “Might as well. None of the other sides will watch scary movies with me anyway.”

    “It's a date then, stormy night.” Remus grinned, feeling lighter as they walked down the hall together. “You wore me down.”

    Virgil rolled his eyes, smiling as he followed the bouncing man ahead of him. “Good.”

---

General Taglist:

@justanotherhumanstuff​ @im-an-anxious-wreck

[stonertransdad]

Life Update since I hadn't been on here in forever

The pandemic was/is wild! Lockdowns started literally around the time we were going to the fertility specialist to get her pregnant. I lost my job to COVID in March shortly before we did the procedure, but we decided there's never really a good time to have a kid. Why not during a global pandemic when one of us in unemployed? (BTW, I don't recommend having a kid during a pandemic. Not being able to go to all of the appointments and having to sit in the parking lot was brutal.)

Let's talk about May friends...it was rough. (TW for mention of suicide btw. I'll post a gif where it's safe to start again if you wanna skip over it.)

So May 1st is the anniversary of my father's suicide. It had been 4 years. I found his body and since he wasn't married, I had to handle his affairs and arrange his funeral. May 1st, 2020 my wife and I had a Zoom game night with our friends and I got drunk because everyone was drinking (except my wife because she was pregnant). After our game night at like 2am, I had a psychotic break. I threatened to kill myself numerous times. My wife tried to talk me down, but eventually called the cops to take me. I thank her for that because looking back, that was the moment I knew something needed to change. I was convinced the cops were gonna kill me because I'm a trans dude in rural West Texas. I legit took the phone out of my wife's hand, hung up on 911, and yeeted her phone across the backyard and tried to hop the fence. Eventually the cops came and talked me down. They took me to the hospital an hour away in handcuffs (for their protection I did nothing wrong). They took me to the religious hospital that I was born in. So when they looked up my info by my name and date of birth from my driver's license (I only changed my middle name) literally all my paperwork and my bracelet had my deadname and wrong gender despite all of my legal stuff saying male with my new middle name. I mentioned it to them and they didn't care. They misgendered me the entire time I was there. I had hit my head hella hard on the bath tub when my wife was trying to snap me out of it, did the hospital even check me for concussion? Nope. I had punched so many things and my hand and wrist were swollen and discolored. Did they check out my hand and wrist? Nope. I was there for over 10 hours before I was able to convince them I was okay and that it was just the alcohol. Did I mention during that 10 hours I was literally out in the hall on a gurney with no mask and this was when COVID was running rampant in Texas (the first time)? I heard people die that night. I had nothing to distract me because they took away all of my personal items and clothes. My wife picked me up and we went home and I have been sober ever since. It's not the first psychotic break I've had with alcohol in my system. Alcohol just doesn't agree with me, but I'm finding new things to replace it with.

TW has been lifted...it's safe now.

A couple of weeks after that I began teletherapy because I had been on the same mood stabilizer and anti-depressant for almost a decade. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense that I felt like it hadn't been working for at least a year. This is a reminder to check in with your doctor if you feel like your meds aren't working. You may just need a different dose or a new med. There's no shame in that. I bounced around on various medications trying to find the right combo, some side effects scarier than others, but we got there. Before this, I had been diagnosed with ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My therapist threw out my Borderline diagnosis and said it was CPTSD instead, which made sense.

Fast forward to December because my wife was pregnant, I was unemployed still, and we did absolutely fuck-all because the global panini was still raging.

Our son was born on December 3, 2020. He weighed 5lbs 9oz and scared the ever loving shit out of us. He wasn't breathing when he was born so they called NICU in ASAP. I'm freaking out because I can hear and see what's going on while my wife was asking if he was okay as they put her guts back in place to sew her up. 5 or so minutes pass and a nurse asks if I want her to take some pictures. I'm like is he okay, he still hasn't cried. She's like "oh yeah, he's chillin." This goon was being held by a nurse and was just looking around not crying or anything. Chillest baby ever (he still is btw). I held him next to my wife's head until it was time to go back to the room. Little dude did have to spend 4 nights in the NICU because he couldn't keep his sugars or temperature regulated, but he was healthy otherwise. He's now 4 months old and is starting to sit up on his own a little bit and he's OBSESSED with standing. He's still a little guy, but very healthy and growing like a weed. He saves my life daily.

So after being unemployed for over 9 months, I started a new job working in a call center. I absolutely hate talking on the phone. It gives me anxiety and throws me into panic attacks, but I had been putting out hundreds of job applications since I lost my last job and this was the first offer I got. I wasn't really in a position to turn it down since my unemployment had ran out 2 months prior. It was 2 months of training, then we'd be on our own. I got thru the training and thought I could handle it...until they started putting us on live calls with someone helping us if we got stuck. My mental health hit the lowest point it had in a few years and my wife was terrified she was going to lose me. She convinced me to quit on February 28th (not because I didn't want to, but because I'm a stubborn ass who felt guilty). My meds got tweaked a little bit more dosage wise during this mess.

Starting about mid-February, I was experiencing severe shakiness, tremors, and spasms. I've always been a shaky person and never really thought too much about it, but at some points I could barely feed myself, or get a drink, or hold my son. On March 7th, I tried to make an appointment with my doctor about the weird symptoms I was experiencing, but she was out of town and her next opening wasn't until the 31st. My body said that won't work and my wife rushed me to the ER on the 9th...I had begun having seizures that day. I had no previous history of seizures. Got to the ER and had a seizure literally as I was walking thru the door, so they rushed me straight back. They took some blood and that was literally it. No MRI. No CT. They pumped me full of Ativan and said it was just a panic attack and to go home and chill.

Spoiler Alert: It wasn't just anxiety. I was having 20+ seizures a day. On the 10th, my wife rushed me to a different hospital...the good hospital over an hour away. First we had to drop off our gremlin with my mom to make things a little easier. Yet again, I had a seizure as I walked in the door and was taken back immediately. I don't really remember much because they kept pumping me full of Ativan and morphine because I had been in excruciating pain from the number of seizures I'd had. I do remember them doing a CT pretty quickly after I got there. Then they weren't happy with the results of the CT, so they took me to get an MRI, which showed possible signs of Multiple Sclerosis (but I didn't find that out until AFTER the notes showed up in my patient portal after being home a few days, so I raised hell...more on that later.) They did a 24 hour EEG on me and it showed nothing abnormal. Also, EEG glue is a bitch on your hair and scalp. After looking at everything and given my previous mental health history, they diagnosed me with Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures, or PNES. It is a subset of Functional Neurologic Disorder, or FND. I couldn't walk well anymore and had to use a walker when I was discharged. I was in the hospital for 3 days.

When I had my follow-up appointment on the 23rd, I asked why the possibility of MS was never mentioned to me since it was very clearly in the notes. The doctor didn't have an explanation. He called in a referral to neurology so I could get a 2nd MRI to confirm MS and marked it as high priority. He also didn't take my pain seriously. My pain levels had been at a 5 or higher every single minute since they took me off of the morphine in the hospital. He told me to keep taking prescription strength doses of ibuprofen and Tylenol, which I had been. I let him know I had been and it didn't even take the edge off the pain. He ignored me. Leading up to this appointment, I had also added urinary incontinence to my growing list of symptoms and was forced to wear diapers so I didn't have to do laundry all the time. The doctor also took me off my ADHD meds because they were lowering my seizure threshold. He also took me off of my sleeping meds and nightmare meds for the same reason I'm assuming.

I kept my appointment on the 31st with my primary doctor because she's been my doctor for 5 years now and I knew she'd take my pain seriously. She did. She immediately wrote me prescriptions for a muscle relaxer and Tylenol 4. She also told me that my referral had been rejected by neuro. She said my case wasn't a good one for what she called a "wallet biopsy" and the doctors in neurology could be real assholes. She immediately sent the referral to other locations to get an approval. I am still waiting on that despite it being marked as high priority. She wrote me a prescription for a wheelchair because we both agreed my wheelchair was not enough for particular days.

Yesterday my wheelchair was finally ready for pickup, so my wife drove me to go get it. I'm still unable to drive due to my seizures and my tremors and twitches as it's predominantly in my legs and arms. I am an ambulatory wheelchair user now. Some days I can go short distances without my walker, some days I can't go without my walker, some days I can't even get out of bed, and some days I will be using my wheelchair. Don't judge a book by its cover, not all disabilities are visible. I have managed to keep my daily seizure count down in single digits and have even had a few seizure free days. They are still incredibly taxing on my body. I feel like I can't ever replenish my spoons fast enough to keep up with anything in my life.

So all in all, life has been chaotic. We are moving from Texas to New Mexico in the next few weeks, which should be interesting considering I can't overdo it without throwing myself into seizures. We will be closer to my mother-in-law so she can help us with our son and I can start resting a bit more on the more difficult days. Being a stay-at-home dad with an invisible illness has been one of the most challenging things I've done in my life, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Sorry this is so long. I just wanted to update my followers since it's been over a year since I posted before a few days ago.

[miuki-akanero]

KIDS HAVING A CHILDHOOD CRUSH ON READER IMAGINE

* first of all: no pedophilia thus Reader is 5-13 years old

* also n|p for the Reader

* English is not my motherlanguage, so get ready for some mistakes here and there

Millie Coulro:

* probably will hit you with her putter

* definitely gonna bit up everyone who have the nerve to upset you

* even though she might seem hostile towards you, she actually likes your company. This girl just doesn't know how to cooperate with these new feelings and her only way to deal with problems is aggression and violence

* but she will try to be calmer if she see that her actions effects you negatively

* all in all she stands beside the point “I'm the only one who can make fun of you. No one else”

* she's absolutely happy whenever you want to see her skills or whenever you cheering for her

* no kisses though

* because they gross

Putunia Mollar:

* oh dear, she's energetic

* like the usual, but every time you nearby it gets 150% “worse”

* Putunia is also being protective

* she pretty sure that you is this kind of character that always being saved by the hero

* and she's a hero

* so it's her job to protect you from every baddy in this world. Especially from Green Menace.

* if you know how to fight she's gonna be even more enthusiastic.

* she will ask you to become her sidekick or her hero partner. Depends on whenever you know how to fight or not

* all in all Putunia always appreciates you and happy every time you listen her “heroic” stories or help her

Tim Tam:

* they are so confused

* literary have no idea what is this feeling

* eventually decide to “stalk” you. They will try to secretly follow you everywhere

* if you out them, Tim Tam will follow you openly

* will calm down a bit though if you ask them to stop or if you show how uncomfortable it makes you feel

* still gonna hang out with you everyday

* they not a much of a talker, but they are more talkative if they have a conversation with you

* always show you stuff they have stolen

* sometimes they will even tell you how and where

* might steel something from you as well, but if you give them something willingly (u know, like a present or something), they gonna stick with it forever

* usually like to stare at you. It's a little bit creepy, but they mean no harm, so it's fine.

* rarely ask for a hug. They usually don't last long, but Tim Tam always look somewhat happier

* if someone try to make you feel bad… well, lets just say that person will find something horrifying in their room:)

Trevor Garbo:

* ooohhh boi

*this kid

*this awkward kid

* he's always a loud and blushing mess around you

* will tell you his theories on average

* which is every time you are nearby

* which is actually every day

* please be patient with him. After a long period of insecure blabbering of how much of an awesome werewolf kin he is, he will actually show his “smart side”

* I mean he still refer himself as a werewolf, of course, but he's way more relax with you than before

* and he's always ready to help you with your studies. After all, his “partner in theoretical crime” should be able to use their brain as well as he is

* will not pressure you into that though. But he's like a small puppy – always ready to be there for you and to make sure you're okay

* please appreciate him. He's an awkward teenager, but he is doing his best

* at some point will ask to hold your hand

* he's a blushing mess. Again

* whenever he feels bad he seeks for you hand afterward. Will do the same thing if you feel not well too

Nat Vancey (Varnnia):

* well, prepare yourself for some drama

* more specifically for a proud teenager who's not taking “no” as an answer

* even though she tells you that you are lame, she hangs out with you every time she has an opportunity

* also will fight anyone who might try to make you feel bad

* “I like you, you like me, so stop being a slowpoke and go carry by bag”

* if you feel down, she always brings you something sweet or cute. And give somewhat tsundere pep talk. It's still nice.

* always ready to make a move towards cuddles and kisses, but will wait if you are uncomfortable or not ready

* No matter how hard she's trying to act as cool and heartless teenager, she's always honest and open with you

* your support means a lot to her, so don't mess up

* probably ask you to visit her at her house, once she will 100% sure you won't judge her unfairly

* so get ready to confront the vampire dad

Gerry Podunk:

*get ready for a smoll affectionate baby

* seriously, he's the most affectionate out of all kids in the Habitat

* always trying to hug you or walk really close to to yourself

* making all kinds of stuff for you. And asks for a smooth afterwards

* they never work as they suppose to

* and he always feel bad for putting your down. But whenever you kiss him in the cheek or pet his head he is ready to create things all over again

* he actually makes some progress thanks to your support

* trying to act like a “real gentleman”, so get ready for daily compliments and him helping you carry your stuff. Gerry really doesn't care about your gender, he just sure that is what a good gentleman should do

* always inspires you to do your best and not to give up

* like you inspired him

[jerseydeanne]

June 6, 2016

Something awesome has happened! I was introduced to this super cool guy in Toronto. He has the cutest English accent and a naughty smile.

Bad news — he has ginger hair. Good news — he's just about the most eligible dude in the world.

Yep: Prince Harry! And we all know there's only one way to catch a prince, pretend you don't know who he is. It worked! And then he pretended he watched my TV show Suits.

Ha ha! Anyway, we've been texting for days and soon I'm flying to London to see him again. He says I've got to keep it top secret...

June 28

I'm in London to meet my new man. I know I have to keep it under my hat, but it's killing me.

I'm doing my best to be good, and even hid in the back of a car when I went to see him. No one suspected anything. Dammit!

On the plus side, I got to watch tennis at Wimbledon, too. OK, not in the Royal Box this year, but maybe next year? After all, if they can keep making room for that Pippa...

July 15

We've been dating over a month now and Harry is worried people might be onto us so I'm trying to throw people off the scent with my Instagram posts.

'Fries before guys,' as if! Not when that guy is fifth in line to the throne and you don't stay as skinny as I am eating chips as the Brits call them.

(I'm really gonna have to learn that lingo.)

ReJuly 17Operation Bag Myself A Prince — so far, so good. But our romance is still secret and we're on opposite sides of the Atlantic. I worry some blonde 'totty' (as Harry calls them) will swoop in and steal my man. I've gotta get the message across that I'm chilled out. They say Harry's soooo not into commitment, I don't want to scare him off. So I uploaded this fun snap of me with raspberries. Come on — what's not to love?

Aug 6

In New York for my best friend’s wedding. Thankfully, the hotel rooms look a little like a palace, so I can get used to how my future home might be.

I’d give anything if I could take Harry as my plus one. But I can still drive him wild from here. Just check out my ass!

That’ll show him it isn’t just that Middleton girl who looks great from behind in a bridesmaid’s dress. In your face Pippa!

Sept 1

I've decided to research the British upper class. So, while I'm working hard on my lifestyle blog The Tig, jetting around the world staying at really cool, expensive hotels — trust me, it's exhausting! — I make sure to look up some posh Brits.

I hang out with a socialite called Millie Mackintosh at Soho Farmhouse in the Cotswolds.

She was super-helpful, and taught me all about English ways — the importance of queuing, handwriting thank you notes rather than Instagramming, that it's 'loo' not 'toilet' and 'napkin' not 'serviette'. I took notes. Very useful for meeting the future granny-in-law.

Sept 2

Jetting back home today and it's been a crazy month of sun, sand and...you know what! But it's still hush hush. That's 11 l-o-o-ong weeks.

I guess at least it's given me time to practise my curtsey. But, deep down, I'm over the whole 'secret' thing.

Now everyone thinks he's dating some other actress called Jenna Coleman, who's in some little TV thing about Queen Victoria. Yawn. At least my show is sexy.

Sept 28

OK, so we have established that I am: discreet, dress well and know that you should say 'rubbish' not 'garbage'.

Tick, tick, tick. Now I'm in Ottowa posing for Vanity Fair magazine for my humanitarian work with the One Young World organisation.

It's all about environmental issues and human rights and stuff — so that's got to be worth some serious princess points, right? I try to seem regal and dignified for the cameras.

Also how hot do I look in my white dress?

Oct 19

A big day: the launch of my new clothing line based on the sort of smart, sexy clothes my character Rachel wears in Suits.

Think tight leather and sky-high stilettoes. It’s important for a modern woman to diversify her career — and it’s even more important for a certain someone to see what a hot body I’ve got...

Oct 21

OK, I’ve had it. My jaw is aching from staying so quiet. So I’ve started to drop a few hints. I really can’t believe nobody’s guessed we’re an item.

I must be a better actress than I thought. So I posted this cheeky little snap, drinking my coffee, in a pose which also just ‘happens’ to show me wearing Harry’s African love bead bracelet. Just hope someone picks up on it.

Oct 22

Uh oh. I’m hearing rumours that the story of our romance is about to break. Hope it was nothing I did. It’s all about to get crazy . . . at last!

So in the meantime, here’s a silly card I bought for my own little pickle in the palace, saying: ‘You mean a great dill to me��.

Hilarious! I try to stay suitably mysterious in my caption on Instagram — just saying: ‘Yes you do.’ We all know who ‘you’ is, don’t we? And I only put two love hearts after it. How restrained am I?

Nov 1

Yikes! So the whole world knows that Harry and I are bananas about each other. The royals say: ‘Never complain, never explain.’

But there’s nothing that says ‘never post cute internet pics that could be read as a romantic message for your Prince’, is there?

So that’s what I do – and post a naughty little message for my guy on Instagram telling him to ‘sleep tight’.

Yep that’s right, I’ve spooned with Prince Harry! Just like these bananas are doing. After all, he’s so a-peeling!

Nov 10Success! Harry put out the sweetest statement confirming we are totally an item and defending me from all the mean things some people are saying. He’s my knight in shining armour, except he’s better than a knight ’cos he’s a Prince! Decided to cook him a special romantic meal at Kensington Palace to show my appreciation. An organic vegan feast, using my special favourite recipe for roasted cauliflower with chickpeas and hot curry powder. He’s gonna love it. 

Nov 23

Thanksgiving and I’m thinking about the meal I once cooked for all my family. A huge turkey — like most of my movies!

Ha ha! Today I’m feeling thankful for: my career, my family, my swishy hair, my cute bottom...not forgetting my ginger honey bunny who I’ve been dating for six whole months.

Feb 1, 2017

A new year and still going strong with Harry. We had a date night at Soho House in London.

The paparazzi caught us. Luckily, I looked super-glam. Am loving staying at Harry’s apartment in Kensington Palace and pretending we’re a married couple — which everyone is saying we will be before too long.

Was hoping Kate might pop in for a cup of green tea but no sign of her yet...

Feb 5

Still playing the perfect housewife. That’s the great thing about being an actress, I can turn my hand to anything.

And being so good at learning lines is great practice for all those royal speeches I might have to give one day.

In the meantime, I’ve noticed Harry’s pad has a bit of a bachelor vibe going on, so am filling it with flowers. Love my new Barbour jacket. Makes me look very posh and English.

March 3

Harry asked me to go with him to his best friend’s wedding in Jamaica. Everyone goes wild because there’s a picture of my hand on Harry’s back.

But it’s a bit awkward because Jamaica was where I married my ex-husband, a guy called Trevor.

Harry is totally cool about it though, I mean, everyone in his family gets divorced. I know the last American divorcee who married a royal wasn’t so popular but, hey, Wallis Simpson wasn’t on TV and didn’t have 1.6 million followers on Instagram.

May 7

Princess training Part 32, in which I pretend to be interested in Polo. All the men chase a ball with a giant hammer.

Let’s be frank — it was as boring as hell, but at least it wasn’t cricket. Things seem to be going well though. I have this English style thing down.

Just check out my dress! Looks like one of Kate’s, don’t cha think? Bad news though, had to pull the plug on my blog. It was upsetting some of the stuffed suits at the Palace. No more selfies. What I am going to do?

May 20

Pippa’s wedding today and I joined Harry for the reception in a big greenhouse in a field.

Brit weddings are weird. When I get married it will be totally glamorous with no muddy fields.

Getting a bit bummed with other people’s weddings. I mean, it’s been practically a year!

June 11

Awkward! So I’m at a script reading session at a TV festival in Texas when this random guy in the audience asks when I’m going to marry Harry.

Jeez, I hope people don’t think I put him up to it! I just smile and say nothing.

Still, I reckon 2018 will be a big year for hat sales in England!

By daily mail reporter