#(spoilers: they still would've fallen in love)

[vilhelios]

— WAIT FOR ME / I'M STILL SOMEWHERE ;

( you're getting older without me and i'm getting scared ) ; in which rafayel still hopes that there's a life where this works — where you do not crush his bleeding heart in your hands, & he still loves you despite, despite, despite.

cw: not beta read; spoilers for abysswalker rafayel's "sea of golden sand" myth, "fragrant dreams" card, "siren's song" anecdote, & main story ch. 7; angst ; some fluff ; mentions of blood, injury & death ; theories + headcanons about mc & rafayel's past lives ; kinda pretentious rafayel lore analysis ( can't help it, i just love him a lot! )

"RAFAYEL, do you think we're lovers in every universe?"

in the stillness of the night, as he mindlessly draws designs on your skin with his thumb, rafayel lies through his teeth: "yeah. i'm sure we are."

it's all he can manage. how do you tell your lover—your dear, sweet muse, whose presence makes the sea of your heart ebb and swell—that you've wondered the same thing lifetimes ago, and know the answer with bittersweet certainty? you continue talking about an article you read, in the morning—something about "consciousness energy fluctuations" and "that feeling of deja vu" and "soulmates."

and rafayel wonders, humming along to your rambling, if that's what you two are: soulmates.

"i wonder what we're like." you sigh, burrowing your head into the warmth of his chest. surely you can hear the rapid thrumming of his heart—he can't help it, the organ so helplessly weak in your presence. "you're the most creative man i know; got any ideas?"

"i think," rafayel starts, runs his fingers through your hair, "there's a life where i'm a merman, you're the human i've fallen deeply in love with, and the barrier between the waves and the shoreline is all that's stopping us."

rafayel remembers being younger, lifetimes ago. he remembers swimming upstream, through a little river that becomes a smaller creek, settling by your quaint home. he remembers playing you a song on his flute, an elegy for lemuria that became your song. he still remembers your head peeking out from the window and the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen staring down at him. you were like sunflecks dancing upon the water's surface—dazzling—and he, denizen of the deep dark sea, couldn't help but fall in love. he gave you his heart, his blood, his voice.

"hmm... reminds me of an old fairy tale." you press a kiss to the beauty mark on his chest, your lips curving into a smile against his skin. right above where his heart is, where the proof of your pact would shine bright. "do you think you'd have gotten a pair of legs and we'd live happily ever after on land?"

"of course i would've." rafayel smiles.

(he does not think about the way his voice grew hoarse as he sung lemuria's elegy. he does not think about the dagger he'd clutched so tightly in his hidden hand, as you approached him on the shore. he does not think about the hug, the warmth of your body making his resolve flutter. the warm blood on his hands, in the water, seeping from the heart he once loved and now carved out and cradled. he does not think about returning to a ruined lemuria, everything he's ever loved ripped away from him in a night.)

"then i like that one. what about another? knowing how we quarrel, do you think we were royalty hailing from opposing kingdoms?"

"hmm, close. i'd say that i'm an assassin, sneaking into your lovely highness's bedroom window."

"hah! i can see that." his heart flutters when he hears you giggle. rafayel wishes he could trap that beautiful sound inside a conch shell, it almost seemed possible, the way it felt like molten gold—sunlight. "i'd leave the windows open just so you'd have an easier time coming in."

"glad to know you'd still fall for my charms." he finds it in himself to smile, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "even if it might not be the brightest idea, dummy."

"hmph, but if we still loved each other then, you wouldn't kill me." your hand reaches upwards to cup his cheek, a thumb aimlessly stroking comforting lines across his skin. his breath hitches at how naturally it comes to you. "you'd fall for my charms too."

(why wouldn't it? you've done it so many times before, as you—dear highness of philos—gingerly removed his mask. he, who was destined to carve out your heart; and he, who could not bear to do so, who fell apart in the warmth of your hold. any hatred he'd held in his heart for the humans that desecrated his home —beautiful, sacred lemuria— dissolved with each ripple of the lake you both had danced across on that silent night. how could he ever hurt his beloved, who in another life he'd devoted entire oceans to?)

"yeah." he breathes out, almost a chuckle. "yeah, i guess i would, your highness."

"rafa?" you murmur, words slurred with the call of sleep, ushered in by him running a hand through your hair. "i really hope that we're soulmates even if it's in the silliest lives you could ever think up. do you?"

(and he hopes for more, a case study in greed. he hopes for the most blissful lives with you—where he's the receding sea and you are the sands of the shore, or you are an anemone polyp and he is the rock you've decided to settle upon, or he is the deepsea fish that looks longingly upon the warmth of the sunflecks that dance upon the water. he hopes there's a life where this whole thing works: where you do not crush his bleeding heart in your hands, & he still loves you despite, despite, despite.)

and rafayel smiles, presses the umpteenth kiss tonight to your forehead, watches you draw closer into his hold. and then he whispers his little wish against your skin, as soft as a siren singing lullabies to a sailor:

"yeah. i hope so too."

a/n: on this lovely valentine's day i offer the rafa stans: angst 🤩 the ending was a bit rushed because i... was no longer in an angsty mood. this fic is very much so a product of a time where i knew less of rafa's lore (see: did not finish the myth) so there may be some lore inaccuracies ... please do listen to berenstein by the band camino!!! l&ds' plot feels like an amalgamation of some of my favourite songs (berenstein, heartbeat by bts, isohel by EDEN)... and it's just such a good plot so far. please send me rafa lore stuff/general thoughts bc i'd love to try and play around with some of them (i have an idea for his birthday fic already) ,,, i'd love and appreciate you immensely ♡

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Chapter 1 Part 1 Preview

Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors and inaccuracies. Not a full translation.

Spoilers ahead.

Nobunaga: "Whoever controls this madness will determine the future of the world."

His deep, resonant voice echoed through the hall, plunging it into silence.

(The Oda army is strong. Nobunaga and his men will be fine, but...)

The thought of the blank guidebook flashed through my mind.

(As Nobunaga said, the future will greatly change depending on who brings order to this chaos.)

(I hope the world becomes peaceful, but what if it doesn't?)

I clenched my fingertips tightly when suddenly—

Fwoosh!

(What the!?)

Someone slashed the sliding door.

Hideyoshi: "An enemy attack!?"

Everyone except Nobunaga swiftly reached for their sword, ready to defend themselves.

From beyond the fallen door, a figure slowly appeared.

Kenshin: "I'm here to pick up my woman."

(Kenshin!?)

His hair swayed as he gracefully stepped into the hall.

Mitsunari: "Lord Kenshin."

Nobunaga: "Oh? You're earlier than I expected."

Ieyasu: "Far too early. Mai, did you really send that letter last night?"

Mai: "Y-Yeah. I did."

(It shouldn't have even reached Kasugayama Castle, and yet...)

I whispered to Ieyasu, and Kenshin's mismatched eyes caught mine.

Kenshin: "There you are, Mai."

Mai: "Why are you here? Ah!"

He pulled me close, leaving no space between our bodies.

Mai: "Kenshin!"

Kenshin: "I'm glad you're okay. When I heard you were going to Azuchi, I felt my heart drop."

Kenshin: "If anything had happened to you, I would've destroyed not just the tenshu but the entire castle."

Mai: "What?!"

Hideyoshi: "You've already destroyed the door, though."

Keiji: "Yeah, split right in two."

(That's true.)

Kenshin: "Mai, are you listening to me?"

Mai: "Y-Yes!"

Ieyasu: "Yeah, he's ignoring us."

Wrapped in his warmth, his sharp eyes focused solely on me.

Kenshin: "You have a duty to stay safe for my sake, and you've done well in fulfilling that."

Kenshin: "I'll give you a proper reward later."

(Ngh.)

His sweet voice tickled my ear, and my heartbeat skipped uncontrollably.

Mai: "T-Thanks. But please don't whisper in my ear!"

Kenshin: "I refuse. I'll love you in any way I wish."

(Crap, what do I do?)

(Even though his entrance was so over-the-top, I can't help but feel happy to see him.)

Kenshin, whom I had longed to see ever since leaving Kasugayama Castle, was right in front of me. The fact that he wanted me so desperately made my heart flutter.

(Still, it's super embarrassing with everyone watching.)

I tried to look over my shoulder as I felt the stares from those around us, but...

Kenshin: "Hey. What are you looking away for?"

Mai: "Eeek!"

His lips brushed against my ear, and a startled sound escaped from my lips.

Kenshin: "You only need to look at me."

(Kenshin.)

I looked at him as he commanded, and his gentle gaze fell on me.

(Nnn.)

His long fingers traced my lips, making my heartbeat even louder.

Kenshin: "You look so beautiful. It makes me want you even more."

Mai: "W-Wait!"

I frantically pushed against his chest as his face drew so close that our eyelashes brushed against each other.

(Uh, he's not budging at all.)

I desperately tried to apply more strength, making him frown.

Kenshin: "Are you telling me to wait after I felt like I had been waiting for you for a thousand years?"

Kenshin: "You're being cruel."

(Stop looking at me like that.)

Mai: "Um, I feel the same way! I've felt like it's been a thousand years since I last saw you."

Kenshin: "Oh, so you wanted me that badly?"

Kenshin: "Then there's no problem in wanting you."

Mai: "P-Please, just wait a moment!"

(I can't take this anymore! The gazes around us are too much!)

Exchanging a passionate embrace with their former enemy in the halls of Azuchi Castle in front of Nobunaga and his generals is unprecedented.

But Masamune and Keiji are not bothered by this, as they look at us amused.

Masamune: "What happened to the serious atmosphere we had just a moment ago?"

Keiji: "I don't really get what's happening, but this is definitely hot. Should we just tease them for now?"

(These two have no intention of stopping us.)

Mitsunari: "Then I'll fetch some water from the well."

Ieyasu: "How about some colder spring water from the mountains?"

Mitsunari: "Got it! I'll make a quick trip, so please wait a moment."

Ieyasu: "Hey, don’t take that seriously. What good will that even do?"

(Mitsunari's innocence and Ieyasu's sarcasm haven't changed at all.)

Hideyoshi: "Lord Nobunaga, shall we apprehend this intruder?"

Mitsuhide: "You want to break the alliance already? I'd prefer not to, but if you say so, I guess I have no choice."

(These two are saying something ominous!)

Mai: "Um, guys, please calm down!"

In my flustered attempt to stop them, I caught Nobunaga's gaze.

Nobunaga: "….…..."

(I wonder what Nobunaga will say.)

Resting one elbow on the armrest, Nobunaga leisurely narrowed his eyes.

Nobunaga: "Everyone, leave it be. That man's obsession with Mai didn't start today."

Nobunaga: "If Mai frowns at Kenshin even a little, you can kick him out, but she's smiling so broadly that she's practically melting."

Mai: "W-Wait, melting?!"

Everyone: "Indeed."

(They all agreed so easily!)

Kenshin: "You understand well."

Even though Nobunaga called it an "obsession," Kenshin seemed satisfied.

(Am I really that happy after meeting him again after so long?)

(If so, Kenshin is amazing.)

Before I realized it, the dark and heavy anxiety that had been weighing on me since I learned about the attack on Azuchi Castle had completely lifted.

(Kenshin changed the whole atmosphere.)

Kenshin: "Your complexion looks much better now."

Mai: "Huh?"

Kenshin: "A pained expression doesn't suit you."

(He really sees right through me.)

His genuine concern for me made my chest feel warm and full.

(But that aside, what do I do? He's still holding me so tightly!)

Hideyoshi: "Hey, how long are you planning to just stand there? You're in front of Lord Nobunaga, you know."

Hideyoshi: "Mai, you're a good girl, so sit down already."

Mai: "Sorry. Hey, Kenshin, let's sit down."

Kenshin: "These people are so disrespectful. Fine, you can sit on my lap."

Mai: "That's a bit much."

Kenshin: "Would you prefer to sit sideways on my lap, then?"

Mai: "It's not about how I sit. Um, can you let me go for a second?"

Mai: "I mean, wouldn't it be heavy if I sat on your lap?"

Kenshin: "Not at all. You're as light as a feather."

(That was a quick response!)

As our endless back-and-forth continued, Ieyasu exaggeratedly shrugged his shoulders.

Ieyasu: "Hey, how long will this go on?"

Keiji: "It'll last till sundown."

Mai: "Look, Kenshin, everyone is waiting for us."

Kenshin: ".........."

(Uh-oh.)

His eyes locked onto me without even blinking.

(I guess I have no choice.)

Mai: "Please save things like this for when we're alone."

Kenshin: "........."

Mai: "Thank you for coming to see me. I promise to do anything to repay you later!"

Feeling the heat spread across my cheeks, I averted my gaze.

Kenshin: "Fine. Don't forget those words."

A sharp, captivating smile appeared on his lips.

Masamune: "Oh, looks like he backed down."

Mitsuhide: "Kenshin has a real knack for getting Mai to say "I'll do anything" with just a little silent pressure."

Kenshin: "When it comes to loving Mai, I'll use any means necessary."

(Was that his plan all along!?)

Hideyoshi: "At least pick the right place. Do it in Echigo."

Mitsunari: "Still, it's strange."

(Huh?)

Beside a disgruntled-looking Hideyoshi, Mitsunari spoke as if pondering something.

Mitsunari: "Lord Kenshin's arrival was faster than I imagined."

Mitsunari: "What kind of trick made it possible?"

(Oh, I was wondering about that too.)

(I only sent the letter saying I was heading to Azuchi Castle last night, so how is Kenshin already here?)

As everyone's gaze turned toward him, Kenshin lowered his voice.

Kenshin: "I watched the Tenshu go up in flames the night Azuchi Castle was attacked."

(What?!)

[restinslices]

Everything pt4 (FINALE)

PJO Show Ares x Child!Reader (no gender specified)

Word count: 6772

Summary: It’s been years since you’ve spoken with your father, but with Kronos’ armies marching and the final battle approaching, you have one question on your mind. If you survived this, would it be too late to mend what was broken? Unbeknownst to you, Ares is wondering the same thing. Warnings: Spoilers for The Last Olympian (not too big though), giving Hestia a power idk if she has for the plot, angst, OOC Ares but y’all know this already

You know what sucks more than daddy issues?

The world ending. 

Both are seriously draining but the world ending? It was a real bummer. Not only was it a bummer, but it was incredibly confusing. You expected to be actively in battle right now, not being made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich by Luke's mom. 

As shady as it sounded, you couldn't understand for the life of you how Hermes had fallen in love with her. She looked as if she had been electrocuted multiple times and the smile she wore reminded you of something you'd see in a horror movie. Looks aside, sandwiches and cookies were rotting in her house and it smelled like something had died. You couldn't see Hermes being here. 

“Ms. Castellan” you began as nicely as possible. “I'm not Luke. My friends aren't either. This is Percy, Nico and I'm Y/N. We're…” the people that want Luke dead. No. You couldn't say that. “We're friends of Luke. That's all”. She seemed to understand what you said, even if her eyes told a different story. 

“Friends… Friends? Friends with my precious boy…” you almost scoffed. “I'm so glad he has friends. I've always wanted to meet his friends”. She spoke like she was in a dream state and her eyes stayed on you, not blinking once. “You've come for a sleepover? I'd have to talk to your parents first. I need to know if you have allergies! Then your parents and I can also be friends and spend time together! I'm sure I'd like them”. 

You forced yourself to keep smiling at her, even if she unknowingly brought up something you were trying desperately not to think about. In 2007 you and your father Ares came to an agreement that it'd be best if you never saw each other again. The year was 2009 and you were still keeping up your side of the deal. You didn't burn offerings for him, you didn't go see him for that field trip, you haven't even uttered his name since then. When you heard about the gods fighting Typhon, you tried not to think about him getting hurt. 

You were the one that proposed the deal, yet you immediately regretted it. A part of you thought “good job! You're keeping your peace! Your relationship would've never gotten better anyway!”. The largest part of you kept thinking “but what if you were wrong? What if he changed?”. 

You shook your head. Curse your stupid loyalty. You could've turned Nico and Percy down, but Percy pleaded with you to come with him. The last time you become someone's adoptive older sibling… 

“Nah, you wouldn't like my dad Ms. Castellan. He's a real hardhead”. She chuckled, which looked insanely creepy because she still hadn't blinked. 

“Men tend to be. I'm sure he's still very lovely”. Yeah, if you enjoyed headaches. 

Nico took over the conversation and thankfully your familial issues were no longer a topic. Thankfully should be in quotations though, because the conversation quickly turned depressing. May Castellan spoke like she was floating and talked about her son and Hermes as if the last couple of years hadn't happened at all. In your heart, you knew that she either didn't know, or she forgot. You didn't know what happened to her and why she looked like she took a tumble in Wonderland and never escaped, but whatever happened caused her to never see reality the same. You pitied her. Poor woman. Forever making sandwiches for a boy that had grown into a man. An angel that snipped his own wings. 

Suddenly she stopped and screamed. You all jumped up and you pushed the two boys behind you. You doubted May Castellan would try to fight any of you, but you wouldn't take that chance. 

A glowing green filled her vision and she rasped “My child! Must protect him! Hermes! Help! Not my child! Not his fate! No!”. She grabbed at your shoulders and continued screaming about fates and you pushed her off. 

“Guys! Let's get out of here!” You yelled to the boys behind you. 

You were prepared to run out of there, but May collapsed and Percy ran to catch her before she could hit the floor. 

As quickly as she was screaming about fate and her eyes were glowing, it all stopped. She went back to her version of normal. 

“Normal” was a word that really sucked as a demigod because your version of normal would never be what you wanted. What you wished was normal for you was going to school, complaining about teachers, listening to music and playing video games. Your normal was fighting monsters, training, keeping the world from ending and nightmares. When other people's lives diverged from the norm, it was probably something small, like dyeing their hair a neon color. Your version of “well this doesn't always happen” was sitting across from Hestia and listening to her do that thing gods do, where they give you advice in riddles. 

The conversation was mainly on Percy, until it wasn’t anymore. Hestia looked over at you and you couldn’t help but feel small under her gaze (which was comical considering she looked like an 8 year old girl), like she was peering deep into your soul in search of something. 

In any other circumstance, you would’ve stayed silent. You didn’t have time for more mysteries right now, so you cleared your throat and said “my lady, is there something you want to say?”. 

“I just wonder…”

”Wonder? About what? Please, I wanna hear it” 

“I wonder whose side you’re on”. 

What?

Your brows furrowed. “The gods obviously”.

”Is it obvious though?”. You had to stop yourself from rolling your eyes. Making an enemy out of Hestia wasn’t on your to do list.

”My lady, may I speak bluntly?”. She nodded. You really wished she didn’t choose the form of a child so you wouldn’t feel so silly. “The world is ending and there’s still so much I haven’t done. I’m stressed out, wondering if I’ll survive the battle-” if your father would care if you didn’t, “-if our efforts will be enough, how many mortals will die, if the gods survive their battle with Typhon. Please don’t add ‘not understanding a riddle’ to my stress. Whatever you’re thinking, just say it”. You could feel Nico shooting you a ‘are you crazy?’ look. How else were you supposed to say it? You thought you were being extremely kind and respectful. The alternative was “English please”.

Hestia looked you over as she thought. “I’ve heard about your conversations with your father”. Yeah sure, let’s bring that up again. Perfect!

You shifted uneasily, not wanting to talk about this anymore. Hestia either didn’t notice or didn’t care. “I wonder why you didn’t side with Kronos”.

You couldn’t stop yourself from rolling your eyes this time. Did she truly think so little of you? “Why would I side with him?”.

”Many of the demigods on his side feel neglected. No doubt you do as well. I wonder what’s the difference between you and them” 

“Brains” you answered. “We all have parental issues. You don’t side with a guy like Kronos”

”You think little of those demigods? Think yourself above them?” 

“You know what I did when I was angry with Ares?” His name felt strange on your tongue. It’d been so long since you said his name. “I gave myself terrible bangs and wore all black. I stared outside car windows, listened to sad music and imagined myself in a music video. I wrote in a diary that said ‘do not touch or I’ll kill you!’, all in uppercase letters. I didn’t side with a crazy Titan that wants to destroy the world as we know it. Seems a bit extreme, don’t you think?”. She nodded.

“My lady I mean this with respect and love in my heart; what is the point of this conversation?”.

She poked at the fire a bit before answering. “This battle will be a hard one. Perhaps I am buying time and trying to memorize your face in case something goes wrong”. Gee, thanks for all the hope lady.

”If something goes wrong for me, I at least hope everyone else gets a happy ending”

”Your death does not frighten you?” She asked with a raised brow.

”Of course it does” you answered truthfully. “But I can’t let fear stop me from doing what I know is right. You’re the goddess of the home, so you should understand when I say I fight for my home. I don’t think home is just a place though. Home can be people. Percy, Annabeth, 

Grover, Nico…” you swallowed, “… my dad. They’re my home. I won’t let my home be hurt without a fight. I’m willing to fight, kill, and die for my home. That’s how much home means to me”.

She smiled. “Spoken like a true child of Ares”. You wish she’d just tell you why she was hassling you in simple words. “But homes can be hectic-“

”My relationship with Ares is hectic but it doesn’t matter”

”You have hope”

”Sounds more like a statement than a question” you mumbled.

You looked at the fire, not wanting to look at (what appeared to be) the child on your ass.

When looking at the flames, for whatever reason you thought of home.

Images flashed in your mind. Images of camp, of laughing campers, of you and Percy giving Sally multiple heart attacks.

Of you and Annabeth debating, you and Grover planting flowers, you and Clarisse training together.

Images of your life flashed quickly, yet it all made sense. You could see everything as if you were there again.

Then the images slowed.

You felt Ares arms as he caught you when you fell from multiple floors up in the mall.

You could smell burgers and fries in the diner and saw him sitting across from you.

You could hear the two of you arguing and your ears started to burn with rage when you suddenly felt his warm embrace. You leaned into him and sighed, feeling his beard against the top of your head. You probably looked ridiculous to everyone else in the diner, but you didn’t care. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt his warmth and you knew you never would again. 

“I love you dad” you said.

You couldn’t believe what you heard next. He said “I love you too” and he genuinely sounded like he meant it. At the time, you thought there was no possible way he could’ve been being genuine.

“He’s gotten good at lying” you thought. “That’s all. He doesn’t care. You’re making things up”.

But what if you were wrong? What if there was a chance?

”I have to have hope” you said out loud. You were too busy looking at memories in the fire and missed Hestia’s satisfied smile. 

Hope.

Home.

If you were still alive by the end of the war, you knew you’d have to break your end of the agreement.

You knew you had to go home.

***

Everyone knew war was coming.

The hope for everyone else was that Kronos would never get strong enough to challenge the gods. Hope wasn’t something you could depend on though. You had to actually work, and apparently the gods hadn't done enough. 

All the gods, besides one, was nervous. Of course Ares was more excited than nervous, like a child in a candy store. If he had the power to control time, he’d speed this whole thing up so he could be in battle already. The anticipation was killing him.

It was so grim and depressing in Olympus. Everyone was on edge and acting as if this would be their last time seeing each other. Complete and utter bullshit. They were the 12 Olympians for fucks sake! Anyone else there was there for a reason. They’d beat Kronos and his army, then drink to their victory and hug their children.

Hug their children? 

“Stop”, he thought. “Not that shit again”.

He didn’t wanna think about children.

He pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance and made his way to a nearby fireplace.

”Ares” Hestia greeted without having to look at him.

“Hestia” he greeted back and sat down next to her on the ground. “Poking at the fire again?”

“What else is there to do?”

“You could be preparing for the battle”. She made a noise of disapproval, 

“You know I'm not one for fighting. I am where home is”. He couldn't say he understood it, but whatever kept her happy. Ares wasn't fond of all the gods, but he liked Hestia. She stayed to herself and overall was friendly with everyone. She didn't blab her mouth or make jokes about him and Aphrodite being caught by Hephaestus. She was a breath of fresh air honestly. 

Hestia looked over at him and cocked her head to the side. “No” he said before she could get anything out, “don't start asking me questions about feelings and try to dissect me”. Hestia was nice and all, but she always noticed when someone was off, and even if they weren't she'd find a way to make a conversation more deep than it needed to be. 

“Ares, the battle ahead will be a difficult one. There's a possibility that you could be destroyed or that your children-”

“Don't”. His voice came out harsh and he shot her a warning look. Unfortunately for him, Hestia was never intimidated by that. 

“They can die. Do you think they're keeping their feelings bottled? I doubt it. I hear them whisper their fears around the campfire at camp. They're terrified Ares.”

“How many are terrified?”

“All of them”. 

He wished he didn't ask. He should've stayed curious. 

Hestia was right. Any of his children could die. Maybe all of them. They all probably whispered to each other in their cabin, trying to comfort each other, and what was he doing? Sitting in Olympus. 

He hated that he cared. Ever since his last talk with a particular child, he had been trying to build those walls back up and go back to being his “normal” self. Unfortunately, those cracks seemed to remain and refused to go away. He tried to seal them, but even something as small as a talk with Hestia revealed those cracks again. “They'll be ok” he said although he knew the truth. The truth was that he had no idea what would happen. 

“I could deliver a message to them if you'd like”

“There's nothing I can think to say to them”

“Then perhaps you could say something to me. Whatever is on your mind, you can speak and I will listen”. 

Ares didn't wanna look at her so instead he looked at the fire in an attempt to ignore her. That proved to be an error when his nose filled with the familiar smell of rain and his ears filled his child's voice. 

“To me… to me you were everything. You are everything. “. Your tears mixed in with the rain and you wore a deep frown full of a child's repeated crushed dreams. His heart squeezed tightly for the first time in a while and he hated it. That's when it all started. 

Other memories flashed. Memories of him and the other Olympians fighting wars, sometimes with each other. 

He saw a time before strict rules and before he vowed to keep himself distant from his children. A time when he mourned them fully and intensely when their final breath passed their lips and their bodies became limp. 

He saw the time now and while it was full of distance and misery, he saw his other children. He saw them visiting him and talking about things he didn't care about but listened to anyway. Saw their sad faces and hung heads when they had to leave. 

It all went back to you though. 

“You want more from the child of Ares?!” You had puffed your chest when you said his name and held your sword tighter. “I have plenty to give!”. 

He heard your back and forth snarky comments to each other before the smell of food filled his nose and the conversation went from humorous to angry then sad. 

“I don't matter to you. Just admit it so we can move on”. You were so wrong but you said the words with such conviction. You genuinely thought you were right. Was that truly how neglectful he had become? All his children had become strangers and he couldn't blame anyone but himself. 

“Seeing you at all, it gives me hope” Was hope so bad to have though?

“You want this?”

“No” you said immediately. He remembers how he was surprised you had been that honest with him. He thought you'd make up a lie and pretend to be extremely confident, but your voice cracked and this time there was no rain to hide your tears. If earlier you wore a frown of repeated crushed dreams, that day your eyes filled with a child's final dream crushed. 

But then he felt the both of you hug and he couldn't help but think to himself “Does the dream have to be crushed? Does hope have to be lost?”. 

The fire continued to show him more memories of his children before it went back to you purposefully ignoring him. He had to admit that seeing you spend time with Hermes instead of him made his brows lower in frustration. But he agreed to a deal. 

“Ares?” Hestia questioned. Ares kept staring at the fire and hoped the images would return, but they slowly faded away. She said his name again. She had saw what he saw and felt the way his heart cried. It was a feeling she never wanted to experience again. 

He agreed to that deal… but what would happen to him if he broke it? Nothing that hasn't happened before. How could he see all of that and still want to keep his side of the deal?

“I think…” he whispered “I think I miss my children…”. 

His children. His family. His home. He had to believe that hope was possible. 

Hope.

Home.

He'd fight with his all while keeping everyone in the back of his mind. He knew he'd have to break his end of the deal. 

He knew he had to go home.

***

If someone were to ask how you felt in this exact moment, it'd be irritation. Because of some stupid disagreement between the Ares kids and the Apollo kids, Clarisse ordered that none of Ares' children were to attend the battle. When you reminded Clarisse that this battle was bigger than some stupid argument over a chariot and that campers have already died and more will, she simply puffed her chest and went on about how she's tired of Ares getting disrespected. Sure, ok. Maybe you got a point Clarisse. Couldn't this wait until after though?

You shared some harsh words, half of them being curse words, and joined the battle with everyone else. 

Manhattan as a whole was trapped in a deep sleep, yet somehow they seemed like the lucky ones. Sure, maybe a monster would step on them but at least they'd die in their sleep. If you died you'd be fully conscious and you knew it'd hurt. 

Only a fool feels no fear. A bigger fool lets fear paralyze them. You did your best to let your fear move you through your enemies and you cut and hacked at them, leaving a trail of dust in your wake. You tried at first to ignore how many old campers you were killing, but it was hard to when your sword was soaked and you stared in the eyes of people you used to call friends before you took their life. It didn't feel good but it was either you or them. None of them held their punches and those same kids came in camp and killed campers, so you wouldn't hold your punches either. 

A squeal filled your ears and you winced as you looked up. The fighting stopped and you understood why when you saw a huge flying pig heading straight towards everyone. You scoffed and wanted to make some sort of joke, but figured now wasn't the time. 

“As far as I know, no hero has ever beaten it” you heard Annabeth say when you got closer to her and Percy. Your heart beat in a skittish panic but you forced yourself to hold your sword firmly and say the words “we will” as serious and brave as you could muster. 

Percy had some idea and while you were told to keep the enemies back, your eyes landed on a white Pegasus and you knew you couldn't. 

“Hey Annabeth” you grabbed her arm, making sure not to grab too tight because of her previous wound. 

“Yeah?” she asked. Annabeth looked terrible. She was covered in dirt, dust, blood, and her hair was so out of place that you thought May Castellan would take kindly to her. You didn't know how you looked but you knew that all of you would need showers if you survived. 

“I love you too”

No. When you survived. 

“I'm gonna try and help Percy. Stay here. I'll come back. I promise”. Before she could ask you what you meant or remind you that you couldn't promise such a thing, you ran off to the Pegasus. 

“Hey buddy” you waved and forced a smile. You knew Percy could understand them and vice versa, but you couldn't understand them and you didn't know if that could understand you. “Me” you pointed at yourself, “friendly” you raised a thumbs up. You pet its head and it didn't bite you, so you assumed it understood. 

“Me” you pointed at yourself. “You” you pointed at the Pegasus. “Follow Percy and pig” you pointed at Percy and the pig, who were quickly vanishing from view. It nodded its head and after a sigh of relief, you got on its back. 

If it wasn't for the war and death, you'd say you were really enjoying this. How many people could say they had done something like this? Not many, that's for sure. 

“Hey Sharkboy!” You yelled when you were within shouting distance. Percy thankfully was no longer hanging by a rope, but was on Blackjack. You didn't know if Blackjack recognized you as the one always giving him donuts, but he made a pleased sound when he saw you. “Uh, is this a part of your plan?” You motioned to the statue that took his place attached to the rope. “It's a pretty shit one”. 

The boy rolled his eyes and huffed at you. Whether it was because of the nickname or insulting his plan, you didn't know. It made you smile either way. “I gotta get close to it! I can activate the statue to fight the pig!”. 

Flying pigs, fighting statues, just another day as a demigod. You rubbed in between your brows to stop the migraine that was forming. How hadn't you gone insane yet?

“It sounds crazy but-” Percy kept talking but you stopped listening. You looked behind you at the battle and like a fool, you froze. 

Manhattan was a war zone. This you knew. Seeing it up high like you were a god though made it all seem so much worse. You could see family being forced to fight each other. You could hear screams and pleads and crying. You could see kids trying to dodge being stepped on. You saw so many people not being allowed to mourn. You saw death. You saw it everywhere. 

Then your shock and fear turned to anger. These were your friends and family killing each other! Sure, they were still responsible for their actions, but there wouldn't be any actions for them to take if Kronos hadn't got in the way. He used these people and he didn't care how many died. He just wanted his throne. Annabeth could die. Grover could die. Percy could die. 

Your father could be destroyed. 

You didn't know how you looked, but you must've looked terrifying because Percy “talks back to everyone” Jackson looked at you the way you expected him to look at the gods; with edge. 

“Hey-”

You pet the animal under you neck and pointed at the pig “closer!” You ordered. It obeyed. It beat its wings harder and you passed Blackjack and Percy with ease. The closer you got, the more you could smell its stench. Under normal circumstances you'd pinch your nose and walk the opposite way, but this time you kept going straight towards it. 

The animal under you whined and you assumed that meant it was having a hard time keeping up. Your eyes fell to the rope and you knew what you had to do. 

Your sword morphed back into a necklace when you brought it close to you and after so much practice, clasping it wasn't a problem for you anymore. 

“Good boy or girl. I'll get you some snacks when this is all over. You like donuts?” it made a pleased sound and you pet its neck. 

You moved so that instead of straddling the animal, your legs were hanging over one side. 

“Don't let me die” you whispered to no one in particular then you pushed yourself off. 

A mixture of luck and skill prevented you from becoming a mark on the concrete. 

The rope burned your bare hands but you held on anyway. You managed to grab on above the statue and started climbing upwards, using the beating in your chest to motivate you not to fall and die. The white Pegasus stayed beside you as you forced yourself up the rope and you gripped the pig's fur to pull yourself all the way up. Now, pigs don't have tons of fur, but a giant pig had plenty enough to grab onto. 

The wind blew through your hair so harshly that you were surprised it didn't snatch it all off. The pig was flying at an intense speed with its only goal being to destroy everything you loved. 

You pulled your necklace off and it turned back into the double edged sword your father gifted you so many years ago. 

It was only now that you realized something. 

When you killed this thing, it'd disintegrate. You wouldn't. In the mall you were high up but you were only up a couple floors. Now you were definitely above the mall and many other buildings. The white Pegasus was no longer keeping up with you and when you looked behind you, Percy and Blackjack were still a while away. 

Percy connected the dots a lot faster than you did and you saw his lips move and Blackjack's wings flap faster. 

What do you say when you know you're gonna die? Damn. You didn't have time to prepare and you didn't have time for a speech. 

You felt like you were looking back at the flames. At home. At hope. You were supposed to return home after the battle and things would be okay again. But in the same breath, this is why you were fighting. You were fighting for your home and so the people you love could live as peacefully as they could. 

The sword felt heavier in your hand. You smiled to yourself. You still had a piece of home with you and you'd use it to better the lives of the other people you call home. 

You screamed as loud as you could in hopes Percy would hear you. “IF EVERYTHING GOES OKAY, TELL MY DAD THAT…” tell him what? You had so much to say. What could wrap everything you wanted to say together?

“... TELL HIM I MISS HIM! AND THAT I LOVE HIM!”. 

Blackjack's wings beat harder, yet he was still far. Percy wore a look of determination and you laughed. You couldn't believe he was still the young scared boy that arrived at camp when he was 12. 

“I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO!”. You smiled at him to leave him with something nice to remember. “THIS WAS FUN!”. 

You turned away from him and with as much strength as you could muster you plunged the sword through the pig’s skin. 

You felt its body crumble away and then you felt yourself slipping through the air. 

***

As one could assume, war was Ares' element and where he felt the most comfortable. There wasn't much to say about the battle. Sure, it was a battle for humanity but honestly? Ares wasn't that worried. Call it an inflated sense of self. Was it really that though when you could back up how high you thought of yourself?

As corny as it sounded, the war in his mind was much more intense. As he fought, his mind kept slipping back to what he saw in the flames. His family. His children. His home. His hope. The reason he fought. Sure he liked a good fight but he fought this giant monster with the other Olympians for his family. 

Ares is a proud man, so naturally he had faith that his children would survive the battle, but an ego could only get you so far. He knew the truth. He knew that any of his children could be crushed at any second, or squeezed to death, or stabbed, or eaten, or whatever Kronos and his army had planned. He knew that he could return to whatever was left of Olympus and he could mourn children that he had forced to become strangers. He wanted to be better. He had to be. He just needed time and that meant he needed his children alive. Especially the one that started this. 

Besides the diner, Ares had only held you once. He didn't think he'd remember it well yet somehow he could smell the cookies your mother had baked and he could remember exactly how the furniture was. He could see blinds covering the windows and the white walls lined with family photos and art pieces. He could see the black couch that sat across from the TV which sat on a table. 

And he could feel your mother place you in his arms. 

“This is your child” she had said. He looked over at her and she smiled down at you with a sense of joy and pride, which was much different to how he saw her look at you recently, with hate and contempt. 

You were so small then. Only months old, still exploring the world and having no idea how life would beat you down. You cooed as you looked up at him and shifted in his arms. He wondered if somehow you knew he was your father and that he was no threat to you. 

So small. So curious. So innocent. Now you were a warrior seasoned by the battles you had been fighting since you were a small child. 

He kept thinking about what would happen next the entire time. He knew he'd have to break his end of the agreement, but it was up to you and any of his other children to accept him turning a new page. It absolutely did NOT frighten him more than the Titan he was battling. Absolutely not. 

As Ares suspected, the Olympians and their children won the war. Kronos was gone and his armies were slaughtered. That was the best part. He didn't get the chance to have a good look at the battle, but seeing the damage the demigods caused made him proud. He hadn't seen you though, which was something he noted. 

The worst part was looking at Percy Jackson's face. Sure, he started the fight but that didn't matter! When Ares said “enemy for life” he meant it! The fact that he had to listen to Percy be praised and he couldn't beat on him right then and there made him tap his finger against the arm of his chair in discontent. 

“Lord Ares” Percy said and he could tell he hated saying the “Lord” part. It made him grin. 

“Boy?”

Percy's fist balled and Ares continued smirking. 

“I have a message from your child”. 

His smirk fell when he heard your name. A message? Did that mean… 

“They said that they missed you and loved you. They were… They…” he paused and Ares leaned forward. “They were in trouble and out of everything they could've said, they said that. They’re-” 

Ares didn't let him finish. He jumped out his chair and his feet thundered against the ground as he sped walked to the elevator. 

This couldn't be. That boy was wrong. His child was fine! He wanted to be better for them and now…?

No. No no no no! This couldn't be! He pressed the floor button repeatedly hoping that the elevator would move faster, even if he knew that's not how elevators worked. 

He lied to you once and said that gods didn't feel fear. How wrong he was. His whole body felt warm and if he wasn't pressing the button then he was tapping his fingers against his legs and if he wasn't doing that then he was pacing and if he wasn't doing that then he was imagining your limp body covered in blood. Was it at least quick?

“I love you dad”

No… 

Not his baby… 

After what felt like hours the elevator dinged and the doors opened. 

He stepped into the hall of the building. 

***

Turns out you should give Blackjack a lot more credit. 

You closed your eyes and hoped that the fall wouldn't hurt as much as you suspected it would and then suddenly your crotch hit something hard. 

“Fuck!” You exclaimed. Your eyes flew open and that's when you realized Blackjack actually managed to catch you. Percy let out a breath you suspected he was holding the whole time. 

“You don't ever do that again!” he scolded. Ironic coming from the guy who always did stupid things. 

“I hope I won't have to”. He rolled his eyes and looked back ahead of him. 

“I just knew you were gonna do something stupid. I just couldn't tell what it was at first. And don't you ever look at me like that again”

“Like what?”

“Like you want to kill something”. Once again, ironic. Percy had that same look on his face more times than you could count, but instead of arguing you kept a hand on his shoulder and said “sure Sharkboy”. 

You tried to tune out the rest of the battle to keep yourself sane. One moment you and Percy joined everyone else, then Percy and Annabeth went to Olympus and now you were sitting in the Empire State building completely exhausted. You were slumped in a chair, covered in dirt and grime when the Stoll brothers came over. 

“Guess what we have” Connor said in a sing song voice and raised his brows.

“An Advil?”. The two laughed like what you said was funny. It wasn't funny to you. Your head was killing you. 

“Even better” Travis said. “Boom!”. You hadn't noticed the bag he had on him somehow, and when he opened it your eyes were filled with candy. You looked back up at their faces, both with an ear to ear smile. 

“I thought Percy said not to snatch anything when everyone was asleep”. 

“We didn't! How could you say something like that?” The two looked at each other with faux innocence but their devious smiles betrayed them. Whatever. You were too tired to scold them and it wasn't your business that got ransacked. 

“Listen, we'd typically charge for these but since you killed that pig, you can get something for free”

You raised a brow at them and looked at them disinterested. “Or I could report you and make you take all that back”

“You won't” Travis challenged. 

Little shit was right. 

You looked in the bag for what you wanted and chuckled when you saw it. 

When you and Ares talked in the rain that night, you debated on burning a fruit roll up as an offering. You decided that was a shit offering and didn't do it, but your father saw you in the rain and came over anyway. 

Now that same flavor of fruit roll up was sitting at the top of all of that candy. 

You took it and thanked the two. They were on their way after, probably about to scam some poor kid by overcharging it. They never tried that with you or any of the other older kids. 

You pocketed the candy and used your sword to help you stand. You were exhausted. Your shoulders sagged, your back ached and you smelled like everything unfortunate in the world. You needed a shower and new clothes desperately. 

You began walking then a ding filled your ears and out of curiosity you turned from the door and looked over. 

It was him. 

By the way his eyes softened you could tell he saw you. You were done lying to yourself and convincing yourself he didn't care. You knew you saw relief in his eyes. 

Maybe Ares should've listened to what else Percy was gonna say. Maybe he was gonna say “they're fine but you should really talk to them”. Something like that. 

Ares had seen you tear up multiple times. In sadness, in anger, in betrayal. This time though? You didn't look hurt. You looked relieved. You looked like how he felt. You looked like a huge pain had been lifted off your shoulders. If before you looked like a child whose dreams were crushed, now you looked like an adult who realized there was nothing crushed that couldn't be fixed. 

You had grown up more since he last saw you. He didn't wanna miss any more years. 

“And I hope the idea of me calling you Ares instead of dad terrifies you” 

The words rang in his ears. You were right. It terrified him. It paralyzed him. He had one question on his mind. 

What would you call him?

The two of you stood facing each other for seconds but it felt longer. Both your minds were racing. You were both thinking of the past, the fact that both of you were okay, and wondering what the future would be.

You felt like a kid again. You just stared at him with so many emotions coursing through you. The main ones being joy and relief. 

Without thinking, you threw your sword to the side and ran at him. “Daddy!” You shouted with the inner voice of a child who was finally getting everything they wanted. You jumped into his arms and he caught you. His grasp was firm and he kept you close. 

You both closed your eyes and focused on each other's warm embrace. You were both okay. You were both home. Neither of you held your tears and vulnerabilities from each other. 

“I heard you were missing me” he said. You knew it was a joke but you couldn't laugh. You nodded into his shoulder. 

“I did”. 

“I missed you too” he admitted. It felt so good to finally admit. 

It felt so good to finally hear. He missed you. He cared for you. He loved you. He was holding you. 

“I don't like our agreement anymore” you mumbled. “You gonna rearrange my fingers or-”

“No” he answered firmly. He set you down and his hands held your face. “No” he said again. 

“Not gonna turn me into an ant either?” You joked. He smiled at you and pulled you into another hug.

“I love you dad”

“I love you too”. 

Ares did something he hadn't done in a while and he kissed the top of your head like he saw other fathers do. It surprised him how much happiness it filled him with. You on the other hand thought this would only happen in dreams. You were so glad you were wrong. 

Then he did something else he hadn't done in a while. 

He apologized. 

“I'm sorry”

“I know” you answered simply.

“I'm gonna be better”. 

You smiled and closed your eyes, allowing yourself to melt in his embrace. 

“I believe you”. 

Hope. 

Home. 

You two managed to hold onto hope. What others would call delusional or stupid, you called a dream. You both managed to make that dream a reality. 

After years and years of complications, heartache and frustration, you two made it. 

You two made it home. 

If y’all sexualize the reader calling Ares “daddy” I swear I will rewrite this and have the reader die a terrible death. Do NOT-

Anyway y’all IT’S HERE! We finally made it to the end! Y’all feeling as proud and emotional as I do? Originally Everything wasn’t gonna be a series. I made pt1 and was like “yeah. A simple one shot” but people wanted more and it became a series. I got 2 abandoned series for different fandoms so it’s an accomplishment I finished this one. I don’t have any new series planned right now but I wanted to say thank you for the support Everything has gotten and the nice comments I’ve received. This was really fun. Until next time! (Also I told y’all they’d get a happy ending. I know some of y’all didn’t believe me)

Taglist: @kyuupidwrites @chadmeeksmartinswifey @lebguardians @beansficreblogs @itzjustj-1000 @white-wolf-buckaroo @elsisenta @leathesimp @marshymallo @stickyfictioninwriting @asexualaromosafezone @arialikestea @1mawh0re @samoanroyalty @wolfgirl294 @unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin @ohlookitsasinglepoeceofpopcorn

[lees-chaotic-brain]

Its always about gojo being clingy, but what if reader will be clingy and we will pepper him with love♡

Thanks for sending in requests! I love hearing from you guys, like seriously, it makes my day. Invade my ask box with requests or just to ask questions about me anytime!

I really like this idea. I'm kinda mad I didn't come up with it tbh lol.

CW: fluff, a little angst, spoilers for the first half for season two, female reader, trust issues, betrayal, cuteness

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Gojo x Clingy Reader

Gojo Satoru hadn't realized how much he needed, how much he craved to be loved, until he met you.

Before he met you, he had been fine with physical and emotional contact, sure, but it wasn't like something that he enjoyed and sought out.

The first time he met you was in high school.

Instantly, he had noticed how beautiful you were. Even then he had admired how you freely doled out affection, and always wanted to be around those you loved.

Not only that, he always felt a little envious of those you freely gave out love to, like your partner at the time, or Shoko, your best friend. Although, he was so dense back then even he didn't realize he was jealous.

While he always appreciated and savored the hugs and high fives you gave him, he didn't realize that he wanted more until much later in life.

After Suguru left, everyone in your small group of friends became a little more distant, and drifted apart as the years went by after you graduated high school.

Then you re entered his life, as beautiful as you had been, if not more. But your signature signs of affection, and open and loving personality was subdued, the pain of Suguru's betrayal causing you to withdraw into yourself.

This was the first moment that Gojo realized how much he missed you. The you that once burned so brightly with warmth and care, not the version of you that stood before him now with prominent eye bags, a forced smile, and barely an ember of what you used to have.

From that moment forward, it became his personal mission to help you heal. To become comfortable with loving and trusting the way you used to be.

It took time and a lot of effort, but after jokes, reminiscing about high school, getting coffee, being there for you on the hard days, holding you when you cry, and constantly reassuring you that he wasn't going anywhere, you began to open up again.

And somewhere along the way, he realized two things.

One, by helping you with your anxieties and guilt and hurt over Suguru, he had begun to heal a wound he didn't even know he still had.

Two, he had fallen completely and hopelessly in love with you.

For the first time since Suguru had left, your smiles reached your eyes, genuine and sweet. You began showing affection again, leaning your head on Shoko's shoulder, patting the students on the shoulder or high-fiving them, returning Gojo's hugs after the two of you spent hours talking about all of your good memories from high school.

After a lot of thought, and late night rants to Shoko, he asks you out.

You agree happily, telling him that if he had waited any longer, you would've just asked him out to get it over with.

And once you started dating, hoo boy, if he thought you were affectionate and clingy beforehand, he had another thing coming.

He comes home from a mission?

You're waiting with his favorite dinner and all the baked goods his sweet tooth could desire.

You insist on feeding him as you sit on his lap, informing him that it was your job as his girlfriend to take care of him.

Afterwards, taking a bubble bath with him, washing his hair, massaging his scalp is a must.

Then you wrap yourself around him and order him to cuddle you for hours on end.

And if he thinks he is going to get away with leaving your side for even a second over the course of the next couple days, he's wrong.

Part of it is you needing reassurance that he isn't going anywhere. The other part of it is just your nature. You need to take care of the people you love, to cuddle them, cook for them, hold them, love them. It's just how you are.

If it was anyone else, Gojo would probably find it annoying and overbearing, doubting their intentions, or just flat out disliking it. But if it's coming from you, well that's a different story.

If it's coming from you, there is nothing he wants more than for you to love him, because your outgoing and affectionate personality was part of the reason he fell in love with you in the first place.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

Note: This is a little shorter than my normal fics, sorry. I really loved this idea and couldn't wait to write it, so I started it before remembering that I'm swamped with schoolwork. I'm so sorry, I hope that I did it justice even though it was a little rushed. Feel free to send in any more requests you might have!

[hpalways]

"my fate, not yours"

Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen

Characters: Higuruma Hiromi, Geto Suguru, Gojo Satoru x GN!Reader

Synopsis: Where death lurks at every corner, they push you away to protect you.

Warnings: Slight spoilers from manga.

HIGURUMA HIROMI

In the world of law, strict boundaries were set, whether on the job, in relationships, personal life, and everything that surrounded you as a core of a person. You were there during his aspirations as a defense attorney. The goodness in his heart shone the brightest among the corruption that wormed its way around the courthouse.

It was what led you to fall for him -- a boundary that should never have been crossed as a fellow colleague.

You were then there at his downward spiral, his expression growing darker at the injustice that became so obvious. The moment his curse technique awakened, he had done the deed -- murder the prosecutor and the judge.

And now, here you were, in this Culling Game with Higuruma Hiromi.

"Are you not afraid of me?" he asked you, after you watched him defeat an enemy from the corner of the deserted theater.

"Why should I be? If you were going to kill me, you would've already done so. My death would give you another extension. Besides, are we not colleagues?"

He nodded, his dark eyes softening slightly. "Yes. For the longest time now. You should leave this game, [Name]. Leave and never turn back. You don't have a technique."

"But..."

"What are you sticking around for? Is it because of your feelings for me?"

Your face blossomed in heat as you fumbled with your words. "H-How? How did you know?"

"I'm a lawyer. As are you. We are quite the perceptive people."

You nodded, ashamedly averting your eyes to the dingy floor of the stage. "Well, yes. I have feelings for you. But no, that's not the reason why I'm still here."

"If it's because of this game's rule of being unable to leave, I can change it."

You shook your head. "I can't leave you here alone."

He approached you, in his suit and disheveled look. Worn out at the roots, and his passion in law failing him, you still held comfort around him. He was like a fallen angel -- the devil, simply misinterpreted and unfortunate. You wanted to save him. Wanted him to know that you were by his side, even if the world wasn't.

"Thank you for loving me," he whispered into your ear. He then curved his face, his warm breath hitting your cheek. With that, he leaned in, soft lips pressed like a kind reminder.

A kiss marked by goodbye.

"But don't love me anymore." His smile was bittersweet, but there was no regret in his eyes, for a newfound freedom had reached him. A fallen angel he was, granted by a new set of wings. "I have no place in the court anymore. You... You still have a life outside of this game."

"No one has to know what you've done!" you argued. "You can still continue!"

He shook his head. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself in a sea of lies. This... This is my path."

Your hands fell to your sides, unable to speak, because the second you would, your words failed you. He was not going to budge -- he had already made his mind a long time ago. He was going to play this damn game until the very end. With or without you.

GETO SUGURU

A destiny as dark and grim as his, many could not withstand it. Many could not deal with his thoughts on humanity and beliefs for his version of a better world. Time and time again, he was left and forgotten, a remnant of an unspoken memory that haunted jujutsu society.

Or maybe, he was the one to leave first.

He thought you were a strange sorcerer, the first time you met. Having met on the battlefield, he expected to fight you to the death, assuming you were on the other team, beliefs that were so morally safe that it made him sick to the stomach.

Instead, you threw your hands up in surrender and invited him to tea. He had never been so dumbfounded.

The more he spoke to you, with your open mind and heart, the more he wanted to understand you.

But now... it was time to let that go. It was time to wrap these silly discussions of what ifs and dive into a world of reality. His plan of action, almost after all these long, long years, was finally underway. If he had to sacrifice everything, then so be it.

"We can't meet anymore," he told you.

You blinked in surprise, nearly choking on your cup of tea. "What? Why?"

He smiled calmly, crossing his legs. "It'll be too dangerous to meet."

"And how does that concern me? I'm a sorcerer."

"You will be put in a position you'll regret. Society will be onto you... onto your relations with me," he said. "So forget about me."

You stood up, slamming your hands down on the table, nearly knocking over the cups of tea. "How could say that? After all this time, you're just going to leave?"

It was nothing new. Not the first time he left someone. He had left Gojo Satoru, Shoko Ieiri, everyone at Jujutsu High, and now, you. He shouldn't have gotten close to you in the first place, knowing that his destiny was sealed. So why did he have to go around and be selfish again? Did he miss all those old days with his former best friend? The days that could never be returned?

There was no point reliving the past.

You grabbed his hand, desperation at length. "Fine. Say you do go through with this. Come back alive."

He grinned, the corners of his creasing. "I cannot promise you anything. I am going up against the strongest sorcerer of all time."

His hand dropped to your head, feeling the rustle of your [h/c] head. Your expression darkened, stressed lining your usual carefree face. Upon seeing it, he fought tooth and nail from wanting to comfort you, to whisper you words of assurance. Instead, he pulled away, preparing himself mentally to harden himself again. If he was able to do it once, he could do it again. It would be no different.

"Forget me. And stop being a halfhearted sorcerer."

GOJO SATORU

As the most powerful sorcerer, nothing could stand in Gojo Satoru's way. If so, then why did you have this uneasy feeling at the mention of the ongoing plan for Shibuya?

Being called on deck to help out the sorcerers, he was beginning with his preparations. He was going to leave. Leave you here to your worries, like the selfish being he was. With his overconfidence that nothing could go wrong as long as he was there, he often overlooked the small things that could trigger a domino effect.

His all-seeing eyes still had a blind spot. You knew that better than anyone.

"You're staying here," he said to you. His reminiscent blues eyes stared intensely at you, swirls of storm washing at bay. They spat back at you, mocking you, for your lack of strength. A finger crept up to the blacks of his blindfold, slipping it downward to cover said hues in slumber.

"No... Let me go."

"You'll only get in the way."

You bristled, poking at his chest, which was a little too solid for your liking. "You didn't have to say it like that."

He sighed and then reached his hand out, ruffling your hair into a mess. "I'm just saying. There's a lot of non-sorcerers to deal with. Your technique won't be useful there. And you need to rest up. You just came back from a different mission."

"I'm just getting a bad gut feeling about you, Satoru."

He snorted and pointed at himself for the dramatics. "Me? We're talking about me over here. I will be fine. Aw, so cute though... my little [Name] is worrying about me!"

Pulling you into a hug, he wrapped his arms around you tightly. The familiarity of his soft cologne, earthy and sandalwood, wafted through your nose, spreading past your mind the memories you had with him. The days had flown through like quicksand, too fast for you to catch on.

You were tired of it. Of Gojo Satoru being the strongest. And the burden that came with it.

"Just sit this one out, hmm? I'll be back before you know it."

"What if you also stay out of this one? It could be a trap they had set up."

He stared at you incredulously, his smile dropping instantly. "Don't joke like that. I cannot afford to sit out. This is my responsibility. The fate of Tokyo relies on me."

You hated it.

You hated his recklessness with so called fate.

[intothegenshinworld]

Fate’s Destiny ~ Chapter 8.7 || The Acting Grand Master

You somehow, not being able to explain it, had fallen into the Genshin world you know oh-so-well. You were no new player and had explored most of the nooks and crannies of the world. When you first had woken up in Windrise you wondered; it might be a dream, after all, you were behind your screen usually, and now- here? It made no sense, and the world was keen on keeping it that way.

Warnings: Spoilers for main story.

Word count: 3.4k+

Summary chapter 8.7: Acting Grand Master Jean has a lot of responsibilities. What can she do to ensure the safety of Mondstadt?

Auteurs note: This is the last bonus chapter before CH9, I promise. This is also the last update before Christmas!! Hope you enjoy

Thanks to: all the people who showed love on the last chapter, even if it took me over a year to update the series <3 your support means the world to me

↺ PREVIOUS CHAPTER || ↻ NEXT CHAPTER || MASTERLIST

Some time ago, in Mondstadt:

It had become an oddly frequent occurrence for the Anemo Archon to stand in Jean’s office. What's worse, she didn't know if she was the only person in the room to think so. 

While she abruptly stood up from her chair, Diluc and Lisa barely acknowledged the bard. Both looked up for a moment, only to focus their attention back on whatever they were doing prior. 

"Ah! Well if it isn't the beloved Knights of Favonious. You know, I would've come sooner if I could!" Venti trips as he stumbles through the door. "Ah, I'll never get used to that. Excuse me—" his tone shifts an octave higher before lowering again into an eager voice. "Where are they?"

"Who...?"

"Oh, Grand Master Jean. Of course I mean the Creator, who else would've been able to steal the winds from the Anemo Archon?"

His statement seems to catch the attention of both Lisa and Diluc, although the former was much more slick about it. With all eyes on him, Venti falls silent, looking around in a daze. It is only after he stands still that Jean notices the bottle of wine in his left hand, and the two wine glasses in his right. 

"Uhm. Hello?" Venti lets out a bubbly laugh that seems unfit for the situation. "I get it, the Creator must've spooked you more then they did me, but uhm." He holds up the items in his hands. "We got loooots of stuff to catch up on, and I'd rather start sooner than later if I want to wrap up the events pertaining to the last five centuries." 

"The Creator…?" Jean hesitantly looks at Diluc and Lisa. She's not sure if she's seeking confirmation more than forgiveness.

Please, for the love of the Archons, please let the imposter not turn out to be the True One. 

Venti raises an eyebrow, scanning the room from Jean to Diluc, to Lisa, and back to Diluc, until finally settling on Jean. “Uh, yeah? Did you not welcome them? I can practically feel their energy overflowing this space." 

He gestures with the wine bottle around the room, and Jean is certain she'll have a heart attack any minute now. 

"The... Creator." 

She plops down into the chair, a gesture of defeat, silently resigning herself to the idea that the real deal had been right in front of her this whole time, and heavily regretting how she considered locking them up. As the Acting Grand Master this is bound to cause the reputation of Mondstadt to fall, not to mention her own betrayal towards the  Creator of everything.

Venti purses his lips as he watches Jean. he shifts his weight from leg to leg, "Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good."

Diluc (praise his soul) helps to divert the attention from Jean when he speaks up, "You mean, Kaeya was right?" He sounds annoyed and bewildered, "That can't be. Surely the real-"

Diluc stops when his eyes land on the somewhat silly looking Archon. He remembers that he never suspected the Anemo Archon to be drinking in his own tavern prior to the Dvalin fallout. So perhaps if an Archon can mingle with their people unnoticed, the Creator could–in theory, too.

Diluc gestures somewhat difficulty into the air. "Well." 

"Well? " Venti mimics him.

"It's a difficult situation," the redhead grunts out, flustered by the fast paced conversation and information thrown at his head. Diluc crosses his arms as a scowl settles on his face.

Venti huffs. "More difficult than dealing with the abyss order and Dvalin when he was corrupted?" he turns around in his place, "surely it can't be that bad. I've only been away for half a week—and I would've been faster if our beloved Creator gave me a notice." He lets out a cheeky laugh accompanied by a wink and plops down into the chair across from Jean. He then carelessly drops the two glasses and wine bottle onto the surface of the desk separating them both. Jean now realizes that the extra glass was meant for the Creator.

The Creator of Teyvat, the one she had thought to be an imposter and nearly banished from Mondstadt.

She pulls her fingers through her hair and faintly prays, "Dear Barbatos–" 

"Oh? You're ready to talk now?" Venti responds as he makes himself more comfortable in the chair. While everyone else seemed tense, he appeared unbothered by the whole ordeal. Probably, because he still believed the Creator to be around. Would he understand Jean’s misunderstanding if she told him what had occurred?

Lisa’s voice chimes over her doom-filled thoughts. "Give her a moment. It's safe to say we're all catching up to the fact that the ‘imposter’ turned out to be the True One."

Venti furrows his eyebrows. "Huh." New information seems to solve a riddle in his mind. When he speaks next, it's more to himself then anyone else, "I suppose that'd make sense why I'm not able to pinpoint their aura." He then speaks to Jean, “So what did you do?”

It wasn’t a question filled with judgement towards her. The tone of his voice was bubbly, as always, and filled with genuine curiosity—though, Jean could feel the concern rise in his words. 

“I am not certain what happened before they reached Mondstadt,” she starts to pile the events in her mind and decides to soften the blow, “–but, ‘the Creator’ seemingly appeared out of no where at the gates. No one, aside from Kaeya and Albedo, were able to sense their aura. If the two tell the truth, Kaeya sent the Creator to Dragonspine when chaos began to rise within the headquarters, and only a day later, the Creator disappeared without a trace once more.”

Diluc adds to her story, “When I spoke with Eula and Kaeya, they believed they had seen a second Albedo before the Creator disappeared.” He hesitates for a moment, “Could this be related? Or could everything be explained with malfunctioning ley lines?”

Jean watches as Venti taps his fingers against the armrest. He slings his legs up and down and nods to himself. “This is certainly a first for me as well. Sure, the Creator has some magnificent powers, but I still can’t explain why they’d appear so suddenly, not to mention the strange events surrounding their descent.”

He opens his eyes and stares into the window behind Jean. There is an odd expression on his face, one that she can’t read.

Venti's next words are once again in a bubbly tone, the earlier melancholy washed away by newfound determination. “Seems like it’s our task to uncover what exactly is going on!” Venti jumps up and reaches for the wine bottle and glasses. “One thing I’m sure of is that you met the real Creator. Now, we just need to find out where they disappeared to.”

Diluc mutters in a tired tone, “That sounds easier said than done.”

Venti shrugs. “Last time we teamed up, we solved the mystery of Dvalin. I’m confident we’ll solve this mystery as well! In the meantime, I’ll be pulling my own strings. If I happen to find a clue, you’re the first ones to know.”

He winks at Jean, and the stress morphs into resolve. It’s awfully frustrating to have all these events happen without her ever being present. All the clues she has, are told by other people. If she wanted to find the Creator, she will have to rely on the other people in this room. 

When the Archon leaves with a wave, she sends a small one back. 

“So.” Diluc crosses his arms, “What are you going to do?”

Jean averts her eyes before she finds his gaze again. “We cannot ask Kaeya for help. At least not while he’s recovering.”

From the short distance in the room, Jean hears Diluc release a frustrated sigh. “I’ll try to ask my own contacts and see if they’ve seen anything out of the ordinary. However, I believe it’s best to keep this between us three.”Diluc rubs his temple. “If this information falls into the wrong hands, who knows what they’ll do. The Creator has been gone for five centuries. Whatever is happening now, it can’t be good.”

In the corner of her eye, Jean sees Lisa nod in agreement. She, too, agrees with Diluc. Jean nods. “Then we’ll wait for your return.” When the brunette faces turns her head, Jean speaks directly to her. “Can you keep an eye on Kaeya for now? I don’t think he’ll do anything to our disadvantage, but I have a feeling he won’t give up on finding the Creator once he’s better.”

“Of course.”

Lisa lets out a warm chuckle, a sound that suggests she's concealing her own thoughts and opinions on the matter—something she’ll likely share once Diluc has left. 

“Alright then.” Diluc purses his lips and gives Jean a firm nod. “I’ll keep in touch.”

“Be safe, Master Diluc.” Jean calls out to him as he closes the door. Although the situation is less than comfortable, she feels safer knowing she can trust on the people around her. 

And so, she waits—until one of her three confidants have found a lead.

When Jean received a letter from Diluc only a day later with an urgent request to meet up, Jean felt her life shatter at her feet. Time seemed to pass antagonisingly slow as she waited for Diluc. In the end, it took only a few hours for him to arrive at her office—it really hadn’t made sense for her to worry as much as she did. Still, the urgency he noted in his letter made her feel off about the whole meeting.

Diluc never sits down in the chair across from Jean. A habit, or perhaps he felt too awkward, and considering he had a past with the Knights of Favonius—the latter made more sense. Either way, Jean is forced to follow his pacing form shift around the room. Without Lisa, the atmosphere between the two was more relaxed, and Diluc is able to speak more freely.

“I’m planning on visiting Liyue myself. Because of the wine industry, I could enter the city on business terms even with the lockdown.” Diluc speaks his thoughts out loud, and the words are said as a statement. He never directly asks for Jean’s opinion or her approval, which he doesn’t need, but it still makes her feel out of control.

Jean clears her throat as subtly as she can before easing into the one sided conversation of Diluc which started after he told her about Rex Lapis' passing. “Why don’t you take one of the Knights?“

She would have offered to go herself, but with her title, she was bound to Mondstadt. She watches Diluc abruptly stop as she pulls him out of his train of thoughts. His eyes sharpen for a moment, eyebrows lowering, and his mouth opens before quickly changing his mind and relaxing when his eyes meet hers. 

He hangs his head low and sighs. “I’d rather not.“

“Diluc,“ He looks up when she calls out his name, “I don’t doubt your strengths, but with the return of the Creator and the death of an Archon, this problem might be beyond our own limits. We should not act hastily.”

His face sours again. “You’re right, and it’s exactly why I won’t let some rookie Knight waddle into Liyue without any knowledge of what’s happening. Whoever you’re thinking of sending, he’ll only burden me.”

Jean purses her lips together, not missing the words he chose. Even without communicating, the two had been thinking about the same person.

He speaks again, “I need you to stay here and keep watch of Mondstadt while I’m gone. I’ll be leaving in a few days after I’ve gotten everything in order.” He crosses his arms, eyes softening despite the serious expression on his face, “I will contact you if I know more.”

Hopeless and without power, she watches Diluc exit as fiercely as he had entered her office. Nowadays, it seemed common for him to stir fires and leave as he unknowingly lets them fester into an inferno.

It had seemed so easy and petty to send her own battalion of Knights while Diluc was still preparing for the trip, but she knew he was right. Only a few people were suited to go to Liyue, and Diluc was one of the two.

The warm steam of the tea in front of Jean swirls upwards and around the room, spreading a soft floral scent that relaxes her despite the stress that she should be feeling. Lisa, who sits across from her, smiles as she watches the tension elevate from Jean’s shoulders. While it wasn’t uncommon for her to bring in tea for the Acting Grand Master, it was uncommon for Jean to nearly doze off in the comfort. 

“Oh dear,” Lisa puts her hand in front of her mouth in a cheeky motion, “If anyone were to enter they’d surely think we’d be slacking off.”

A frustrated sigh escapes Jean’s lips and the tension returns to her body. “I doubt anyone would. They’re all still in the belief of the era of peace. The worst reports I’ve been getting as of late consist of inebriated citizens making too much noise after dark or cats being stuck on roofs.” 

Lisa can’t help the chuckle escape her lips. Sometimes it felt like she enjoyed seeing people twist and turn in discomfort, but Jean knew better. 

“Have you gotten any news on Kaeya?”

The brunette brings her teacup to her lips before setting it down again. “It’s hard to tell what he is actually thinking, but he seems to be back to normal. Earlier today, I saw him enter Angel’s Share.”

“What…?” Jean sits upright and raises an eyebrow. “This early? Isn’t he supposed to patrol until the evening? Has anyone taken over his shift?”

Calm and collected as always, Lisa pushes the porcelain cup in Jean’s direction, a silent reminder for her to relax once more. “It’ll be alright. The abyss order is no longer a problem, and we shouldn’t act like there is one either.” She tilts her head, and a strand of brown hair falls onto her cheek, “For the people it is important to see the Grand Master at ease.”

“Acting— ” Jean mutters out, “Acting Grand Master.”

The tea in front of her has cooled down to a comfortable temperature, and she brings it up to her lips. It had been a couple of days since she had gotten proper sleep and regular meals. Perhaps Lisa had been right, but with Diluc leaving the city tomorrow, she continues to feel restless. 

With only Lisa in the room, Jean lets her body slack in the chair. Papers that were due had been pushed to the corners of her desk, making place for the two, now empty, cups of tea. There was so much to do, but everything felt insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

These moments of silence are the only thing keeping her sane, and she appreciates how Lisa seems to gift it to her every day. If the world were more forgiving, it’d given her more time to rest, alas everyone seems to enter her office in a whirlwind nowadays.

As the door is slammed open, Jean fumbles to make herself look presentable. 

Out of all people...

“Kaeya?!” 

The Cavalry Captain skips any greeting and goes straight to the point as he closes the door behind him. “I have some valuable information.” He walks closer, standing upright next to Lisa, who seems too immersed in her book to acknowledge him. He continues, “I know it might seem like a false rumor, useless gossip—if you may,” His voice falters for a second, his smile falling before reappearing, “but if the news is true, it’d give us an edge.”

Lisa continues to hold her book up, but Jean can see how her eyes have moved up. While she appears unbothered, she is most certainly curious about this tidbit.

Jean watches him carefully. “What news?”

He leans in closer, his voice lower, careful. “Some Fatui were talking about the passing of the Geo Archon.”

From the inside, Jean feels a wave of relief washes over her. When he had entered the room in such an unsuspecting way, she had expected yet another big problem to be shoved into her lap. 

She crosses her legs and inhales sharply as she looks up at him. “We know.”

“You know?” His expression turns into genuine shock, something many people will never see on Kaeya’s face. 

From the corner of Jean’s eye, she can see Lisa resist a chuckle. “I assume you didn’t get this information from the streets? Say, what were you doing in Angel’s share during work hours?” Her forest green eyes move up to him and he dramatically puts a hand on his hip. 

“Gathering intel, as you heard. Though, it seems to be old intel for you.”

Kaeya leans his hand onto Lisa’s chair before he shifts his weight once more. He tries to hide it, but with the confirmation of the intel being true, he is filled with more questions than answers. And instead of asking any, he dances around it.

“I know you don’t believe me, really, I don’t blame you.” He stops for a moment, putting his hand on his chest, “But now with the death of Rex Lapis? Something must be wrong.”

Jean remembers that he still believes that he and Albedo are the only ones to feel the Creator’s aura, and thus their identity. If he hadn’t acted on his own earlier—had he known about Venti—she might’ve told him. 

Before she can do anything, Lisa swiftly acts out and calls out her name. Jean hums, listening to what follows, “Perhaps it would be time to send a diplomat to assess the situation in Liyue,” and the reasoning she gives afterward forces Jean into a corner. 

Kaeya, too, joins in to further pressure her. It is after Lisa continues to push Jean, suggesting to send him, that she finally gives in—hoping her beloved librarian has more than an impulse in mind. 

“Okay,” Jean watches Kaeya’s eye brighten, “but you need to take Diluc with you.” 

The smile on his face falters. ”Diluc, really?”

”He was the one who told me about Liyue’s predicament, and he is more than capable of handling situations like these.” 

Perhaps Lisa made the right move to push her in this direction. She still felt unsettled with Diluc leaving on his own. If Kaeya were to go with him, he’d be prevented from doing anything reckless by himself, and in return, Diluc would keep an close eye on Kaeya. 

While it might seem like a punishment to both, it would’ve been the best course of action for Jean. She watches as Kaeya starts to give in, uttering a ‘fine’ in agreement. 

With a lighter feeling in her chest knowing Diluc would at least not be alone, she asks Kaeya to keep contact, just like Diluc would. If she couldn’t investigate herself, she would have to rely on others, and two had been better than one in this case.

When Kaeya finally shuts the door, Jean looks back at Lisa who moves back into the chair across from her. When her bright eyes meet Jean, she is sent a warm smile. It is supposed to ease her, but doubt eventually settles in her mind regardless. 

“Did you really think it was wise to send him?” Jean hopes for a simple ‘yes’ in reply.

The librarian leans back into the chair, crossing her legs comfortably once she’s settled, and calmly sighing. “If he stays here, he’ll pry until he figures it out.” Lisa turns a finger in the air. “And I do believe Diluc would keep a close eye on him for us.”

Jean sighs. “Still…”

If there was something wrong, would Kaeya suffice with Diluc?

“Don’t worry so much,” Lisa places her hand over Jean’s. “We’ll figure out what’s going on.”

When a soft breeze enters her office, Jean is reminded of someone. 

“Have you heard anything of Venti?” Lisa asks. 

She shakes her head. “If what he said about his power still counts, it might take a while.”

If she thought too much about it, it seemed as if the world itself was trying to prevent its people from finding out what was true and what was not. 

“Should I brew some more tea?” Lisa asks at last. 

Jean nods, her previous thoughts forgotten in the wind. 

© intothegenshinworld. Do not copy, repost, translate or take heavy inspiration from my content. Thanks for reading.

[sanemisstalker]

As much as I sexualize and objectify him, I just know Sanemi would be so incredibly difficult to get into bed with. For good reason.

CW/ SEVERE Angst/ am.... am i depressed? Maybe, lol/ Discussion of CA / DV / Men's Mental Health / Sanemi is afraid of his dead dad / MANGA SPOILERS/ Panic Attack / ANXIETY / SH - Just general no good times as a result of Sanemi intentionally isolating.

This isn't headcanons or anything, I've just had my fair share of Sanemi run ins in my life, and I know He'd be afraid of you.

Afraid of himself and being just like his dad. He looks just like the bastard. If he didn't have the white hair, it'd be identical. He has those thousand yard stare eyes, and that big, imposing frame. After his mothers death, I just know he starred at that thing for days. Watching it fester and scar... it was easier before that one came in, to separate his face from his fathers- What an ugly gash.

And he was just like his dad, to Genya, at least. He wanted more than anything for Genya to just be happy, and he knew the stupid boy was doing it all for him. To earn his big brother's love that Sanemi had been intentionally depriving him of. And it sickened Sanemi.

He had to make it painfully clear to Genya every step of the way that nothing he did, no matter the triumph, no matter how proud Sanemi was- was ever going to make Sanemi snap and just say it.

Genya was too good to be good enough. Sanemi thanked his father, briefly, for that trait about himself. Sanemi turned everything off the day his mother died. Everything except for his dad.

Genya did not deserve a tie to the woeful underbelly of the world. Those silly things Genya said after Sanemi killed their mother were Sanemi's saving grace. He never would've been brave enough to start removing himself from Genya's life if Genya hadn't believed he opened the door.

It's why he tried to take his eyes when he found out Genya had been eating demons- Genya was a man he just couldn't protect anymore, because Sanemi kept tabs and he hadn't known that about Genya for a while, now.

It was all so... scary, Sanemi struggled to even think about it sometimes. Anytime he would a pit would grow in his stomach. Anytime he thought about snapping and reconciling with his brother, telling him how proud he was- that pit would be right back. It was like he was starving.

And God, when he meets someone he loves it stings. It stings because Sanemi was always the one walking the others out of the house when dad got bad. It stings because he knows exactly what that bastard did to his mom- he knew the movements intrinsically, and that's all he knew how to do to those fly away demons he'd been slaughtering for months as a teenager.

Back when he could still resceitate a smidge of his empathy for the things. He just started imagining them as his dad.

Because the pathetic piece of shit died before Sanemi could get penance. Kyogo should've been alive for Sanemi to kill, to get big and strong, and beat his father down into submission like Kyogo had been beating him, his mother, and his siblings down for years...

He should've been alive to do the bare minimum and protect his wife- to have fallen to slaughter in her stead. Because there should've been a bigger man in the house- To not only protect Shizu, but to protect Sanemi... but there just wasn't.

The love stings because every time he's reminded of how weak he is.

He loved Kumeno. With everything in his body, he knew he loved Kumeno. He wouldn't dare say a word. He had such a soft smile, Sanemi felt yet another drop of color fade from his vision as he watched Kumeno's smile fade away.

God, he loved Kanae more than he hated the world. He knew it radiated off of him when she entered a room- Because she treated him so softly. The news had shaken him for weeks. He doesn't even quite recall where he went or what he did.

He was greedy to want anything when he wore that uniform and wielded that blade. The first time in a long time he bothered to try and love, the world reminded Sanemi of his place.

And good for it, too, He'd figure. He would've beat Kanae, he bet. Would've reduced such a kind and caring woman to a sniveling dog beneath his fists.

It was better, that God took her away. She was safer from him dead.

His thoughts are never this formulated. They're thicker with self-bashing and the like. He can't bare to look at his face, only his torso- He crafted that himself, his dad was never this strong.

I know if he likes you, you'd just never know. It'd be like pulling teeth, but somehow worse. He doesn't sleep with anyone because that's disrespectful. No woman is an object to be used once, maybe seven times, and then cast off to deal with the brunt of it.

I'm sure beating up the Kakushi that made Mitsuri's uniform was more than cathartic for him.

I'm sure, if you manage to get through to him inspite all of this, he'd be afraid to touch you. He yanks his hand away, and never initiates kissing, even though it's all he wants to do.

He cries when he loses his virginity because fuck, god is going to yank you away. and he knows he can't do anything about it because he messed up and weak. He got so close to you, and god is going to smite you for it.

He's never the one that bares the runt of his sins.

He can't finish. He has a panic attack, it's visceral, and terrifying, he cant even manage to cry. It takes every bone in his body not to lash out screaming, breaking, and destroying while you cradle him against your chest, because God, fuck, he's a mess.

It would take him months to even consider it again. He begs you to leave him and find a man that can treat you better, because it just isn't him-

And it hurts because you see how strong he is to just be alive everyday. Sanemi has never been strong, though. And he doubts he will ever be strong enough to love you correctly-

It's not like him to quit, though.

God I might part 2 this, he's such a little fucker lmao.

[gl1tch3doracle]

⊹ ࣪ ˖ twilight showers ˖ ࣪⊹

First oneshot, so ofc I had to do the queen of cool herself, Quanxi. I'm absolutely weak for this woman.

➸ Quanxi + !Fem!Reader

➸ Word count; 2,093 words,

➸ Y'know, probably set sometime during part 2, but I wouldn't know when. No major spoilers aside from the fiends.

➸ No content warnings either. Just some hurt/comfort ♡ (Although I would say it's been a little while since I've written something, so it might be a little wonky 'cause I'm rusty). Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!

Night befallen - Twinkling lights across a rather solemn concrete jungle, all blurred by the flurry of raindrops pinstriping against a benumbing glass pane. From up in your apartment, it all seemed like a well-put-together maze of harrowing misfortunes that seemed to follow almost every citizen of Kyoto. Somewhere down there was a family ruined by a devil attack, a partner mourning their lost loved one, children crying because their friends had been ripped away without explanation. All events that could happen to you at a moment's notice - The coin could flip and land heads up, and it would be lights out before you might even notice.

That was a thought that occasionally tickled your brain. Every few weeks or so, most likely foretold by a day's event. It could've been a devil attack that jostled your mind - or even just a shitty day at work. It always came at night specifically, though, which was absolutely perfect when you were trying to get to sleep.

It was sad to think about, the way people's lives were cut clean on such short notice, which is why you tried not to do that all too often. That wasn't as easy as it sounded, especially when, unlike the others who had to live with their chosen reality, you were pretty safe and well-off all things considered. It manifested in a welt of guilt swelling in your chest, and that was the reason when night fell like it had fallen all those times before, you still slept on and off, swaddled up in your bed.

No nightmares plagued you and no misfortune befell you, because you were wholly safe - Especially when you were wrapped in the arms of your girlfriend. Someone would have to be an idiot to attempt on your life; Devil, human or fiend, it didn't matter, because Quanxi would cut them down with scary proficiency like she'd done so many times in the past.

That was most nights, anyway. The warm feeling of safety and Quanxi would not lull you to sleep tonight. The bed was empty and cold, blankets strewn over the edge, pillows tossed and tucked under your head and over your arm. It wasn't that rare for Quanxi to be stuck deep in the alleyways working, but it didn't make you feel any less lonely.

Outside, the storm grew heavier. The windows rattled.

Every time the rain stuck your window, every time the wind pulled against the structure of your building, every time a piercing howl or screech cut through the veil, you felt yourself flinch into the comfort of your plush duvet. You were safe, that you knew, but it was an instinct in every human to fear devils or something. At least, it felt instinctual for you, because being scared of creatures and beings that craved your pain sort've felt natural.

Although, among the melody of the stormed city, there was another sound hidden amongst all the others. Beyond the furious tapping of the rain, the whirling of the wind, the honks of traffic and whatever far-away noises plagued the world surrounding you, there was one, tiny, sharp sound that ricocheted in your ears. It would've been so easy to miss it, and yet you couldn't help but zero in on it like a homing beacon.

Like the sound of a bird tapping curiously at the glass, similar to a singular dense raindrop pattering against the frame or the friendly waving of your houseplants' leaves drawn to the beaming sun.

Or, even perhaps, if you stretched the idea far enough, like an arrowhead plinking against rain-pattered glass.

You chuckled. That thought was a bit overly specific, although not for lack of reason. However, if it was the arrowhead, it was better to go check, just to make sure.

The floor was startlingly cold underneath your bare feet, enough to make you wince, but not enough to send you back under your blankets. The window wasn't far, after all, a few paces to your left. You could already see her figure staunchly squatted on the windowsill, her back to the wind with her hair whipped back and forth.

Quanxi was without her swords, clean of blood and grime but drenched from head to toe from the storm.

You yawned and cracked open the window, letting her slink silently, almost peacefully, from the rugged weather outside into the comfort of your twilight bedroom.

"Quanxi?" Her name was soft on your lips. She stilled in front of you, mouth drawn into a thin line, twitched downward at the corners. She was an enigma, one you were slowly unwrapping and figuring out for yourself. A mystery that only let her guard for one person, and that one person was you.

She didn't say anything, only shrugged off her suit jacket and wrapped her cold, muscled arms around you, tugging you into an embrace that smelled strongly of men's cologne - Cedar and cashmere, underlined by a tinge of bloody iron and sharp rain. The way she twitched softly, fingers digging inwards as she tugged you closer, twining them into your hair as she sweetly kissed your forehead. Protective, anxious, almost lost seaming.

Also, as you may've mentioned, she was thoroughly drenched - Carrying a sheen of rain, heavy enough to dampen your clothes and chill your skin as well. Usually, you would've laughed at the action, maybe called her silly as she rolled her eyes playfully, cracking a rare smile. But tonight was not the night, tinged with sadness and longing. It was a sense in her eye, and in the way she held you so close and dear to her heart, literally and metaphorically.

You sighed and kissed whatever part of her you could reach - Cold skin dappled with raindrops. Quanxi sighed softly, melting ever so slightly as the heat from your love and the room thawed her bones.

"Go have a shower," You murmured into her. Quanxi grunted.

"Don't wanna." You rolled your eyes and gently shoved her in the direction of your bathroom. She battered her eyelashes at you, pursed her lips and set you with a look that would've made you shake if it weren't for the emphasised pout she gave you.

"You're freezing. Go have a shower," You pointed accusingly at her, which prompted nothing more than a quirked eyebrow. A part of you was more than glad that Quanxi was home again, but another, more tired part of you didn't want to deal with her stubbornness at one in the morning.

"You are not getting in that bed freezing cold and wet," You didn't wait for her to respond, verbally or otherwise, and instead returned to the lukewarm embrace of your bed and blankets. The almost silent pattering of Quanxi's footsteps out of the bedroom, echoing into the bathroom. The spattering of shower water followed soon after, steam billowing out from the door and spilling into the hallway.

You sniffled and rolled over, burrowing your face into the nearest pillow. Time seemed like an infallible concept as you listened to the sounds of rapid water showering across tiles. The repetitive lapping sound filled your senses, a subtle humidity filled the apartment, scents of soap and petrichor pleasantly swarmed your nose. The minutes slipped through your fingers, metaphorically, sleep weighing on your eyelids. You blinked, and it seemed in a moment Quanxi had re-entered the room with a slicked-back mess of wet silver atop her head and a towel in hand.

She blinked once and held out the towel in a silent question. You yawned and slid out of bed a second time that night, following your girlfriend into the bathroom.

Resting in front of the mirror, Quanxi closed her eye in contentment as you worked the water from her hair, patting it down to get the most of the water out. That itself was no easy feat, so, being as tired as you were, you whipped out the hairdryer. It was a loud, ebbing sound in your ears, but you couldn't give a crap as you watched the stress slowly seep from the muscles in Quanxi's shoulders.

"How often do you brush your hair?" You murmured against the back of her head. The brush in your hand was snagged against another knot. If Quanxi heard your question, she didn't make any motion that she would answer it - Instead, her fingers traced over the lace of her favourite choker. Even as you worked the kinks out of her hair, smoothing her silver locks till they were smooth and dry enough that your pillows wouldn't be wet in the morning, you couldn't help but notice that her attention would never drift from the fabric.

Hair dried, Quanxi insisted she would be fine to just slip into some pyjamas. You pointedly didn't point out the gooseflesh skittering up and down her arms and instead kissed her behind her ear before leaving for the bedroom for what you hoped was the last time.

The bed was cold. You sniffled and sighed, pulling the blankets over your head as you scavenged together the various pillows that had been tossed all over the bed. You only resurfaced once the click of the bedroom door opening resounded throughout the otherwise pin-drop silence, Quanxi silently walked in afterwards.

Her shoulders were bare, the only part that way highlighted by the sliver of moonlight escaping through the tumultuous clouds. She cast a look in your direction, eyepatch now removed. You didn't even flinch at the empty hole in her face, but rather, your eyes were drawn to the lace collar still firmly twined around her neck.

Quanxi seemed off. Her fingers brushed slowly over the lace as she pulled a shirt over her head.

"Do you miss them?" You'd spent enough time just watching her, listening to the sounds Quanxi made and studying the way she worked. You could tell when she was disheartened, sad even, in the most minuscule meaning of the word. Even if it did feel like a stab in the dark, the moment she stilled for more than a second settled your thoughts.

"Sometimes. Yes," Quanxi finished getting dressed, suddenly seeming a lot smaller without her loose ponytail. Silver cascaded over her shoulders and down her back, tangled and shining as she shimmied into bed next to you.

You knew about her fiends. They all were important to Quanxi, held near and dear in her heart, especially in death. You'd never met them, but you had no qualms with Quanxi keeping a few pictures on hand (and in your apartment). Perhaps in another life, you would've lived side by side with them, all a part of Quanxi's little self-made family. Your big bed certainly would've been useful in that case, six warm bodies all snuggled up under the blankets on a night like tonight.

As selfish and greedy as it sounded, there was a little part of you that was happy to have Quanxi all to yourself. Still, you just gave her a small smile, tired, and pulled her into your embrace.

Quanxi didn't cry. You didn't think anything in this world could make Quanxi cry, but she was shaking. Small, violent tremors that you wouldn't have felt if it weren't for the fact she was pressed against the pulse point in your neck. Your arms circled her neck, loosely looped around her warmth as your wrists rested gently against the cloth of her choker - A sensation that made your skin itchy, but, with your girlfriend planted firmly in your embrace, you were not willing to move a muscle. It was a rarity that Quanxi let you hold her so openly, so closely, her face pressed against you in such a manner your legs had to tangle together underneath the sheets.

Her breaths rolled over you in uneven puffs, heat against your skin in a way that pleasantly tingled and instilled a feeling of drowsiness. It was peaceful, in a sense of the word, and you were more than willing to let sleep take you. Nestled up against her, head held carefully in your arms with her warmth a constant ebb and flow against the biting chill outside, you couldn't help but answer the lulling call of sleep.

Quanxi pursed her lips, feeling your breath even out below her ear. It felt comfortable, soothing even. Although she knew she wouldn't sleep tonight (she hardly ever did anymore), spending the time listening to the rain outside, the pulsing of your heart all while she tried to bury the memories of her past deep within her subconscious.

[worth-this-and-more]

Sarah Griffiths: a character study because people aren't talking about her enough and im so disappointed yall pt.1

[spoilers for legendborn and bloodmarked, read at your own caution ;)]

first and foremost, Sarah Griffiths has been my fav character since like forever and I haven't been able to talk about her very much, sincerely sorry, but nvm this post is for her anyway

she is the third person from legendborn that bree met after nick and sel I hope this is some kind of foreshadowing because I want more sar content but okay I'm just grasping fallen marbles atp lool and I feel like a lot of people overlook her. which is understandable because she didn't have a lot of screentime but her time was really important too, so here's my rant about my fav sar moments + character study + fangirling

her introduction was quite normal and formal, and even i could not imagine her fighting the shadowborns, understandably so because this "pixie-like girl in a flowy dress" doesn't really seem fierce enough, or does she??

sar definitely surprised me specifically in this scene:

while everyone is heavily confused but still alert on their jobs, sar made sure to place bree to safety, without giving any unnecessary lecture about "oh page matthews tf were you thinking why arent you back to the lodge??" she really knows how to keep her cool, and her action and reaction are almost similar to what I expect wlliam or greer would do

next fav sar moment was when she defended bree from sel at the infirmary:

sel is right in his place to suspect bree, it's his job to see the safety of the order, and he is angry af. we all know our merlin boy is scary af when angry because as russ so eloquently stated "you're never sure if it's safe to talk shit about him behind his back" and that's true anyway, but like sar really defended bree even when she did not know her, because she trusted nick's judgment and has already accepted bree as their own.

i feel like this is a very important factor in all the characters, especially sar, as I'll discuss further

next, this one:

she noticed bree was shaken from this encounter, because for her bree is a onceborn who had the unfortunate luck of experiencing a shadowborn attack and see so many injuries real time, while being attacked by an uchel as well. she offered to drive her home and walked her to her dorm, a girl's girl through and through. ik it seems like the barest minimum but I will still appreciate it because let's be real, everybody was stressed, who else would've offered to take bree back to her dorm safely?? nick is injured, william is busy, sel is busy trynna kill her, evan is injured, and the others are still processing the day. this small gesture seems insignificant but really shows sar's mindfulness and makes me fall for her harder and harder each time

this car ride is where we find out that she is a victim of racism as well:

which creates multiple questions. she definitely knows tor is racist, and I wont be surprised if tor has herself made racist remarks on sar as well but just keeps it quiet in front of her?? sar must definitely hear tor's remarks about others, especially bree. she stays because she loves tor, as we've seen here:

but there's definitely some kind of resentment towards tor that develops further in the story. how did she end up with tor anyway?? like after tor's "rebellious phase", is she really just in love and trying desperately to ignore all the red flags or is there some other story??

also her devotion to the order?? i love it. the order ain't shit, we know that, but the definite loyalty that sar has towards the order, it doesn't seem like much but I admire that grit so much. she was raised for service, but she chose to stay and serve even knowing all the risks. bree is the first of her family, but sar definitely has her own stories to be known.

again, my fav sar moment:

no explanation needed lmaoo sel doubted his own demon side for a sec haha

sar keeps tor in check around bree, because she knows tor hates bree's guts, and as we see here:

sar definitely calls the shots. im pretty sure that everytime tor finds something to bitch about, sar gives her the deadliest side eye ever because the kindest ones are the deadliest ones always. and whenever bree calls tor out for her behavior tor goes crying to her gf because sar is the only one who tolerates her lool

and finally, the most precious sar moment in legendborn:

everyone is in love with sel because he was the first one to kneel for bree, but we are kinda forgetting that sar was the second one to kneel. she has already accepted bree as a part of legendborn, and did not hesitate to pledge her loyalty to bree. this is the most iconic sar moment I love because she is loyal to the order, to bree, and to her service.

this is what i mean when i say I love sar, there is so much story behind this one girl and I really really wanna know her. i hope she has more moments in oathbound because her loyalty is fierce and I'm pretty sure she will join alice and william too if this gang forms

bloodmarked will be discussed in pt.2 hehe I think this much is enough for today lool

[bonesandthebees]

I am not snowflake anon but I wanna know more about your thoughts about Dumai and Nikeya

aaaa yes more people to ramble about a day of fallen night to!!!! ok will be putting my thoughts under a read more for spoilers

warning this got, uh, longer than I expected

so firstly with dumai in general, I loved the parallels between her and glorian. both had their positions of power thrust upon them unexpectedly (glorian expected to have many more years before she had to take the throne, dumai literally didn't even know she was royalty until like a few days before she went and had to claim her title as princess), both were seen as the sole hope for their houses, both were struggling to find their power amidst the politics of it all. but their endings were so different. in a way, glorian got the bad ending while dumai got the good ending. glorian is forced to have a child. she never gets to live in hróth and has to reject her birthright to it. she saves her people, but at the cost of herself. (of course, she does reclaim parts of herself in any way she can and becomes the warrior queen she always wanted to be, but there was still so much she had to give up and she ended up trapping her daughter in the same cycle)

meanwhile, dumai is also to save her people, but doesn't lose herself in the process. yes, she has to give up her magic and yes, she can't be with her wife in the way she wants to. but she doesn't have to bear a child to continue the house of noziken. she's able to go back to ipyeda and become the maiden officiant like she always wanted. dumai's ending is as close to a good ending as she could have and I think it's such a well done contrast between the two dream sisters.

now for dumai and nikeya specifically, ohhhhh I loved their relationship so much. the two of them have such an interesting dynamic. it takes so long for dumai to trust nikeya. and it's interesting how deeply-rooted dumai's dislike/distrust of the kuposa is when she's barely been in this world for a year. she didn't know anything about the kuposa clan until she learned who her father was. but she heard they were conniving and scheming and wanted to control the house of noziken and took that to heart. of course the river lord being responsible for the death of her grandfather and also just being an overly polite passive aggressive asshole to her definitely contributed, but I was definitely surprised how stubbornly dumai held to her distrust of nikeya. but at the same time I understand it because dumai has never loved something like she loved nikeya before. it wasn't only her distrust of nikeya because she was a kuposa, but dumai not wanting to open herself up to being hurt like that.

and nikeya... ohhhh I really really loved her as a character. I love how even in the earlier parts of the book from dumai's POV you can see her desire to be seen as more than her father's daughter. wanting to cut the strings he's using to puppet her and be her own person. how she genuinely cares about seiiki and wants to make sure dumai will be a good ruler. she struggles against the way she's been raised to be and reconciling it with the person she wants to be. she had to fight so hard to forge her own identity, especially in dumai's eyes. as she falls for dumai you can see her so desperately wanting dumai to see her as her own person instead of just as a reflection of her father. and I think, like dumai, that despite the drawbacks her ending is one of the best it could be. of course for nikeya the ending she would've chosen would've been her and dumai co-ruling with suzu as their heir, but dumai wouldn't have been happy being stuck at court. her soul always belonged on ipyeda and I think nikeya knew that. but the ending she gets instead is one where her talents/skills in court can flourish, and she can make sure seiiki turns into what she wants it to be. she can ensure it's ruled properly and make sure it's prepared for the new age they're now living in.

I think it's also so interesting that her family ate from the mulberry tree. I am so desperate for more information on the mulberry tree and neporo and all of that so I really hope eventually we get more information on how nikeya's family ties into that!!

(also, the fact that nikeya is a descendant of someone who ate from the mulberry tree and apparently still has enough siden in her blood to make her immune to the red sickness makes me wonder if sabran IX from priory would've been immune as well? since tunuva is one of her ancestors? just questions buzzing around my head)

anyway just. yeah. dumai and nikeya I love you both wish you could've had a normal marriage but I hope nikeya made plenty of trips to ipyeda for 'guidance from the godsingers' throughout her time as warlord ;)

[gojonegs]

Farewell, Satoru

I feel like a meanie. If you read it further, it gets better, I promise. Anyway enjoy! :D

————————————————————————

You and Satoru, we're laughing as you were playing on the beach, splashing the water again and again. building a sand castle, "NOOOO! Why would you do that?" you screamed as Satoru destroyed your 10th sandcastle.

After the beach, you and Satoru were at the hotel. He was taking a shower after you showered. You were putting on that beautiful 

blue dress he brought for you to match his eyes. He got out of the shower, dried his hair with a towel, and then put on a black tuxedo suit. "You look beautiful. You are the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen," he mouthed as he was struck by your beauty.

2 days later

You were flying back to Tokyo. You couldn't wait to get back home after waking up early to get the flight, but you will miss Hawaii. What a great time that was with no curses, no Sukuna, no worries, no nothing, just you and Satoru and the big love you had for him and he for you.

Satoru opened the front door of his penthouse. "Ladies first," he winked as you proceeded to walk into the house, and he walked right after he closed the door. You looked at your phone; it is 7 p.m. You thought, "Satoru, how about we watch a movie?" You questioned, "We just came back home, and you wanna watch a movie? I mean, if you want to, we could," Satoru said as he dropped the luggage to the floor, because how could he say no to his beautiful girlfriend?

"The mutant ninja turtles?" Satoru asked, waiting for you to say yes. Spoiler alert: You didn't. "Hmm, no, but... let's watch Titanic," you said to him with puppy eyes. He wanted to say no, but he couldn't. He couldn't just say no after you looked at him like this.

So Satoru agreed and clicked on play. After two hours, you had already fallen asleep. He was still awake, but his eyes were threatening to close. He turned off the TV and picked you up from the couch. He walked to your shared bedroom. He put you softly on the bed and laid beside you. He hugged you from behind. 

10:30am 

You were woken up by someone ringing outside your door. You looked to your side and saw that Satoru wasn't there; his side of the bed was cold. Your phone was ringing. You looked to see who it was; it was Shoko💞. You pick up the phone. "Y/N," Shoko uttered. "Shoko wassup," you said with no knowledge of what she was going to tell you.

"Open the door. I want to tell you this face-to-face," Shoko said. "Give me 2 minutes, and I'll be right there." You muttered as you got up and went downstairs. Your feet's dragging you to the front door. You opened the door, and there you saw Shoko standing. She had no cigarettes in her mouth, and her eyebags were more visible than ever.

"So what did you want to tell me?" You asked with a smile, hoping it would be a good thing.

"Gojo Satoru is dead," she said. Your world collapsed. "What? No, no, this can't be." You were trying to protest. How could Satoru be dead? This makes no sense; the strongest is dead. Your boyfriend is gone. the one to whom you could tell everything without questioning if you would get judged by him?

He said he would never leave you, and yet he did. He said he would protect you from everything, and now he's not there to fulfill his promise. the one who would be your husband and the father of your children.

And there were his promises gone forever; he wasn't going to come back, and his promises vanished for ever. Who would've thought that the strongest sorcerer was dead? The one that everybody thought he could save, even though he couldn't save his best friend, and now he couldn't save himself. 

This is the person you were crying for; he was labeled as 'the strongest' and yet he fell to the ground. What a pathetic sorcerer he is. And yet he was your pathetic sorcerer; he was your satoru; he was a weakling under your touch.

You were standing in front of his gravestone. Looking down at his name, 'Satoru Gojo, a boyfriend, a friend for all, and the strongest' He wouldn't stop bragging about how he was the strongest, and yet he wasn't that strong after all. 

[ingoodjesst]

i watched "godzilla minus one", and it was pretty solid for my first time watching a godzilla movie!! beyond enjoying the action that effectively conveyed the sheer scale and impact of godzilla's movement and destruction, i found the themes engaging too. we see (non-blood) families form and repair their homes and heal, we see ex-navy try to disarm the destructive weapons they set, and we see koichi shikishima the ex-kamikaze pilot grapple with his ptsd and survivor's guilt.

the fact godzilla was predominantly an allegory for the trauma of war was an interesting take, though of course the trauma of nuclear warfare persists as a motif. but the theme that most stood out to me was the challenge to this cultural idea that dying for a cause is somehow noble rather than just dying.

when shikishima returns to (the rubble of) his home, he is immediately admonished by sumiko for deserting his duty to die and returning dishonorably. he then struggles with his cowardice over and over again, afraid of making emotional connections when he resists letting noriko into his life, rejects akiko calling him "dad", and - during a traumatic episode - even briefly denies the fact that he's alive at all. but when faced with the consequences of suppressing his trauma until it - godzilla - arrives larger and more destructive than before, he finally begins to open up. i particularly liked the sequence of shots during the scene where shikishima confesses the burdens he's been carrying to her. it transitions from individual shot/reverse-shots of the two, to sharing a frame, to finally being in focus together as they manage to connect for the first time.

in the process of fighting godzilla, shikishima realizes the "honorable" answer is not to die for vengeance, but to face your remorse head on while choosing to live. because in a way, choosing to die would still be running away from the struggle of accepting your past and fighting for a brighter future. rather than dying and evading the consequences thereafter (as the japanese government demanded), it is braver to embrace the inherent value of human life, including your own, and whatever comes with it.

even the fact that [spoilers] godzilla is defeated but not annihilated reflects the reality that trauma usually sticks around, able to flare up again; it's just that you learn how to carry it with you, especially with the support of the community and family around you.

i just really love that the story subverts the setup that shikishima should finish his internal war by sacrificing himself as he "should've" in the actual war. instead, through ingenuity and camaraderie, the real triumph is learning to honor the fallen not by mindlessly throwing away his life for those who perished, but by deliberately, collectively paving a future for those who survive.

all that said, i do find it possibly convenient that the story sidesteps the issue of what japan was actually fighting for in ww2 and the atrocities committed by the japanese empire. the movie does take care to distinguish between the japanese government and the private citizens who take up the fight against godzilla. it helps for sure, since it allows our cast to criticize the government's decisions. however, i can't help but wonder if that still makes the historical narrative seem a bit too clean, especially when the veterans claim this time they can make a difference, when uh... idk if helping japan actually win the war would've been the BEST...?? generously, that might not have been their exact intended meaning, but it does feel oddly framed lol. also how lucky is it that seemingly none of the veterans who volunteer are complicit in any of the countless war crimes committed by the japanese army lol

also the women in this film mostly exist in maternal or literal child roles to support the men's growth lol and it's a shame their stories don't get equal examination, but at least the emotional vulnerability still feels real and i called her surviving and we take those bc i woulda been EVEN MADDER OTHERWISE ok !!!!!

besides those issues, i would hardly say the film is difficult to predict - it's fairly straightforward and even the setup for its subversions is not too hard to catch. but i don't think that made it necessarily less compelling or the themes less resonant. it's hard not to appreciate how the movie wants you to see the value in life and believe in the future. because no matter what pain you may carry, you don't have to confront it alone.

[valhallakonbi]

i actually have covid this time which means it's time for me to post on here.

i ummm am bad at keeping up with writing fics, but (hanamonogatari spoilers)

thought of an AU where rouka didn't kill herself, but still saved hanadori and got a hold of her devil's leg. she enrolls at naoetsu. instead of koyomi, she's the one to catch hitagi when she falls down those stairs and convinces her to listen to her by showing her the devil's left leg under her leg brace. both of their personalities clash: rouka resents hitagi as the track field athlete she heard about, who wasn't afraid to go all out on the field (the opposite of rouka) and for whom her rival only had eyes for. but she notices the emptiness inside hitagi, and the thing about her pushing all of her sorrow and worries onto something else and apologizing to the crab really resonates with rouka, since it's what she does as the devil parts collector. she tells the devil victims she'll take all their troubles away.

rouka probably has connections with kaiki in this still, unbeknownst to hitagi. it's how she finds a way to help hitagi.

in mayoi maimai, hitagi says she would've fallen for anyone who would've saved her and honestly out of the entire cast, rouka to me is on par with koyomi in terms of self-flagellation and selflessness (literally gives away her soul to the devil to help people). i don't know that they would get together, but suruga would notice either way. lesbian love triangle with devil parts ensues...

[corishadowfang]

Any headcanons for Fallen Stars!Luxu?

YES LOTS. Minor spoilers for the latest chapter of Fallen Stars, so throwing them under a read more:

Brain was right about Luxu being a storykeeper, but only partially right about the reason. Luxu is VERY familiar with slipping into and out of different roles, so he figured putting those skills to use as a storykeeper would be a great way to keep prying eyes off him (and make his life a little easier). Also, even though many of the stories aren't entirely accurate, he's still pretty fond of them; they remind him of home, even if only in little pieces.

Because he's supposed to be maintaining his cover, he tries not to mess with the stories he tells too much (which would've bothered him when he was younger, but he's mostly just used to the idea now). That said, he will occasionally throw in a random "incorrect fact" in there just for fun.

Relatedly, he actually really likes reading the myths, etc., about everyone from Daybreak Town. He finds the discrepancies amusing most of the time, and he often tries to pick out how the stories ended up getting to that point from the truth. One of his hobbies is tracking down new versions of the stories to see what's the most ridiculous.

(He actually just likes reading in general, haha.)

Luxu doesn't necessarily have any "real" friends, but he has people whose company he enjoys well enough. He tends to see most people less like "people" anymore and more like...interesting pets or distractions. While he might like spending time with them well enough (and be amused by their antics), he's not going to be particularly hurt when they're gone.

He does, however, have a soft spot for the Union Leaders/Foretellers/anyone from Daybreak Town. The Foretellers is a more personal bond, but for the others, it's largely just...they're the only other ones who know. Most of the time anymore he's pretty good at leaving his emotions out of what he does, but anyone from Daybreak Town can drag the sentimental part out of him. That's the reason he tries to keep Brain away from Darkness/the box; there's a part of him that wants to preserve this one last part of Daybreak Town.

(He's also fully aware of Skuld's presence in Scala ad Caelum and has made efforts to try and keep the Master from noticing.)

He's learned a lot of powerful magic over the years, but tends to use it for more mundane things. Little things to help him cook easier, or move an obstacle out of the way, or to cool down on a hot day. He has a lot of very precise control, so most people don't even realize that he's doing magic.

Most of the time he's hard to detect, but when he's acting as himself and not his vessel, there's this very...otherworldly feeling. You can tell that you're speaking to someone ancient. Exactly how that manifests depends on his vessel.

Aaaand I'll cut it off there for now, haha. I love Luxu (despite not talking about him a lot), so it's fun to get to explore him a little.

[daladae]

tlou spoilers

i love that the themes of loss, sacrifice, revenge, and the cycle of violence are all so prominent and interwoven in the show. they’re doing a fantastic job of foreshadowing it all to really elevate what’s going to happen in the next season.

let’s take a look at henry. he chose one person, his brother, over everyone else in that town. he even identified himself as an “objectively bad person” because he wasn’t willing to make that sacrifice, wasn’t willing to suffer that loss over anything else in his life. sam was his one person that he was willing to risk everything for.

however by choosing his one person, he took away someone else’s one person. kathleen was so overcome by the loss of her brother, that she ignored what could’ve been a threat to her people just for the sake of revenge. she, like henry, chose her one person, over everyone else, which only resulted in their (and her) demise.

the desire for revenge and the cycle of violence can be found in even subtler ways within the show. in the university of eastern colorado scene when joel is stabbed, he’s pretty justified in killing the person who attacked him because it was self-defense. however, the person he killed was still a father and a husband to someone else. by taking his life, he unknowingly created a murderous intent in his assailant’s daughter. she wants joel and ellie killed because she can’t deal with the loss of her father.

like sam was to henry, and how michael was to kathleen, this girl’s father was her one person that she wasn’t willing to lose, who she was willing to seek out revenge for. we didn’t see a lot from this girl, but we did see that she was the result of yet another one of joel’s actions. we see what trauma and loss and hatred can do to even the most innocent people, and how it brutalize them.

below the cut will be spoilers for both games

now there are tons of analyses done already about the second game, so i won't go super into it, but i just wanted to wrap up how well the foreshadowing has been done in the show.

at the end of the first game, joel kills everyone in that hospital for ellie because he isn't willing to sacrifice his world for the world. understandably so, since he doesn't owe the world anything after what it has taken from him. however, his unwillingness to sacrifice ellie forced him to make brutal choices that resulted in deaths of people who're just as important to others as ellie is to him.

when he killed the doctor, he created a murderous intent in that doctor's daughter (sound familiar?). he didn't care what the cost was, as long as ellie was safe. when abby killed joel, she created a murderous intent in ellie. she didn't care what the cost was, as long as she got her revenge.

and when it boiled down to ellie, who we already know to be violent, we all expected her to fall right into the cycle. but by the end of her journey, she'd learned her lessons. she already lost everyone by going on her quest for vengeance, including her own sense of self. she couldn't even allow herself to be happy with her new family without thinking about joel. if she took abby's life, she probably would've just set lev into the same cycle that everyone before them had already fallen prey to. and if ellie was killed, then someone from ellie's side would've gone after lev, etcetera etcetera. it needed to stop eventually, and how fitting was it, that it stopped with ellie?

[pestilight]

things to work out and scream about in future posts:

i like the idea that rau.ru at his core is someone who strongly believes.....in himself, in others, in hy.lia, you name it, whatever. sometimes his faith in himself greatly outweighs his faith in others ( sometimes, vice versa ) but one of the central pivots of who he is lies in this belief

i'm still not entirely sure how the zonai are tragically wiped out, but the severe loss greatly affects rau.ru in any imagining. he's driven by a hypervigilant need to be in the know and in control at all times when he and min.eru permanently descend to hy.rule with their remaining secret stones. eventually tempered by so.nia's warmth and the siblings settling, though only just a bit

( tempted to continue the theme of you are your worst enemy that rau.ru is rife with and have the zonai die out by their own hands...surviving several civil wars would give you a complex wouldn't it )

rau.ru is king consort to queen so.nia, not king regnant because you are not making the princesses and queens of hy.rule critical in so many times of crisis without having it be a matriarchy. come on. also. not his homeland, with the added alienation of being likened to the goddesses — he would not be invested in it the way so.nia is ( so. less of a need for control. plus he trusts his partner so much guys oh my god )!! he comes to love it, sure, but he still holds the skies and what they had to offer before everything went to shit pretty dear in his heart

related, hy.rule is not envisioned as some kingdom with all factions led in unity or whatever the heck by either founding members. starts off as something like a small halidom they actively work to protect, which is what rau.ru would've liked to keep it as because that means (1) less people to care about and lose and (2) easier to supervise because he's very much focused on the losing everything and everyone part. then he starts caring about more people and things on this land anyway — most definitely with so.nia's encouraging influence along their travels. which isn't to say that they're out here calling for annexations or vows of fealty all of a sudden, but it does make rau.ru anxious to have their allies super close so he can better protect them. and ( try to ) spot betrayals before they can form but who's asking

i want. to make the secret stones something like crest stones in fe.3h.....which uh. if you know, you know! if you didn't know, spoilers ahead, they were basically dragon's hearts and i. just love the idea that former zonai, now fallen dragons, shed their hearts as secret stones. like i know, i know, they said they were gifts from the goddesses BUT WHAT IF?? it would certainly explain the need for safeguarding and additionally have rau.ru's desire for control compounding in on itself. dunno if i'm gonna make them literal hearts actually....i am Contemplating their third eyes

the zonai, in their base forms, are not gods or goddesses themselves! highly attuned to their divinities maybe, but rau.ru prays like every other practising hyru.lean. it's part of what keeps him humble, even in the face of "oh you are like a god!" treatment ( which does get to his head occasionally, but then he reaches prayer time and it's like. ah, i am only a zonai ). dragons, on the other hand...