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#(so he is truly and surely alone)
ruporas · 1 year
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lonely
[ID: A limited palette of green and pink, Vashwood comic. The first page serves as a prologue. The first panel shows Vash speaking to someone off screen while Wolfwood is lingering behind him. A black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the second panel, Vash is buying donuts in the distance while Wolfwood is once again in view, lingering. and the black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the third panel, Vash is leaving a cubicle and turning towards his right with a slightly peeved expression. He sees Wolfwood, leaning against the cubicle, waiting for him, and with the black arrow drawn, pointing at him, implicating the consistent hovering of Wolfwood’s presence during Vash’s everyday. At the bottom of the page, they’re drawn out of panel with Vash turning to Wolfwood and saying with an irritated expression, “You’re really following me everywhere, huh?” Wolfwood responds, “What, you got a problem?” Vash responds without hesitation, “Yeah, kinda...”
The second page starts with a new day. In the first panel, Vash is seen alone, weighing apples in his hands at a mart, with crowds passing behind him. In the second panel, he turns to his right and starts to say, “Hey, Wolfwood...” In the third panel, he’s startled from seeing a stranger, whom he’d accidentally called out to when he was expecting to see Wolfwood. He says, “Oh, you’re not him. Sorry!” In the fourth panel, the stranger walks off and Vash muses, “Right, he said he had something to do today...”
The third page begins with a close up of Vash's miffed expression, the continuation of Vash's thoughts, "Now that he's not here, this is just like how I used to be, but... It feels lonely somehow. Oh well, I'll see him again tonight, like always." In the second panel, it shows Vash walking through the marketplace crowd, alone. In the third panel, the door panel is a close up of the door opening with a peek of Vash's head. He says, "Wolfwood!" In the fourth panel, Vash is holding a bag of food with a bright smile and says, "Are you hungry? I got you something to eat today!"
The fourth page begins with a shot of the room, two beds being highlighted, one of them being made properly with the blanket draped over the bed and the other with the blanket folded and pillow sitting on top of it. There's no sign of Wolfwood. The second panel shows Vash with a disappointed look as he thinks, "He's still not here?" The third panel shows Vash putting the bag of food on the table. Stapled to the paper bag is the receipt with a written note "For Wolfwood." Vash's thoughts continue "He does like to stay out so, I guess there's no reason to worry..." The fourth panel shows Vash sitting his bed somberly with his thoughts continued, "It's not any of my business anyway..."
The fifth page starts with a close up his blank expression as he looks downwards, thinking, "Even if he left completely... That'd be understandable and better for him. I'll just travel alone again... like before... Huh?" The next panel shows Vash's composure break, tears welling up in his eyes suddenly, as he didn't expect to cry. He starts to sob, putting his hands to his face to quiet himself and wipe at his tears, as he says, "Ugh... Dammit... I miss h..." The last panel shows Vash leaning over into his hands, still crying, and in the back, the door swings wide open with a bam as Wolfwood walks through with the punisher swung behind him. He shouts, "SPIKEY! You in here?!"
The sixth page starts with Wolfwood confused, looking at Vash and Vash looks back, just as confused, with tears in his eyes and snot out of his nose. Wolfwood starts saying, "Ah? You..." No longer in panels, at the bottom of the page, Wolfwood takes the Punisher off of himself and starts to walk towards Vash, continuing with slight concern, "What's wrong with you? Did something happen?" Vash, hurriedly begins to wipe at his tears, denying immediately, "No! No, I'm fine! Nothing happened!"
The seventh page, Vash points towards the table, with a hand still wiping at his tears and he smiles as he says, "I uh got you food. On the table." Wolfwood looks towards to the table and responds, "Oh. I was getting hungry, thanks." He turns his head back to Vash immediately after with an uncertain expression, knowing the other wasn't responding to his concern, and says, "But, I know you're an idiot with this stuff, so I'm reminding you again. Don't brush it off if it's an issue, alright?"
The eight page, Vash's tears have dried and he looks to Wolfwood with a soft smile and responds, "Yeah. It's okay though..." A panel at the center shows a side view of Vash approaching Wolfwood. At the bottom of the page, with no panel, is a close up shot of Vash's hand, holding onto the edge of Wolfwood's jacket sleeve, as he says, "Because you're here now. Wolfwood."
The final page is a back shot of both of them standing next to each other, Wolfwood's head tilted slightly to the left, not fully believing Vash as he says, "That doesn't answer anything, Spikey." Vash responds, "There's no need to talk about it! You should enjoy your food. Let's have a drink too?" Wolfwood responds, "Tsk, tsk. Fine, yeah. I could use one." END ID]
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#but onto this comic... i think and talk a LOT about vash's loneliness bc trigun is just. kind of central on that for a good while! esp in#the original manga he was alone for a good portion of it and he tends to keep others away like how he ran away from meryl and milly when#they tried to tag along. and he was kind of bothered when he realized ww was following him around Too. at the core even though he loves#humans and he loves deeply the people he does know -- he isnt really much of a people person and i think thats been the case since he was#young considering his initial doubts towards humans... with the exception of kids bc kids dont give him moral conflicts. so suddenly#here comes wolfwood!!! his guide. someone TRULY affixed to him until he has to get to knives. someone who isnt budging and someone whos#really good at following him around and even seems like he goes like 5 steps ahead to make sure vash doesnt run on him#in one way its - i don't want you to follow me bc i don't want to burden you and i don't want you to kill the people i want to save.#in another way its - i like this companionship. i like waking up to you and i like ending the way with you. i like talking to someone who#knows my world. i like being in your space and sometimes i enjoy talking about our day#theyre just living together. like. roadtrip buddies or theyre also under the same roof because they're going everywhere together.#trimax they mainly spend their mornings together and if they had personal business attend the other person would usually know and itd only#be during the midday. anyway bc of this kind of companionship i figure that vash eventually grew accustom to it and he really. cant go back#to the kind of loneliness from before. it's harder to imagine and it'd be harder to withstand. esp after 2 years with lina and her grandma.#ruporas art
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turtleblogatlast · 6 months
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The fact that Leo can go literally anywhere on earth to be alone with his thoughts at a single moment’s notice is something that shakes around in my head all the time. Like, portals and teleportation are amazing and convenient abilities both in and out of battle, but they could also so easily be used to run away as well.
I don’t think Leo ever would, at least not most of the time. He loves his family too much, and is too dependent on their love and attention to cut himself off so suddenly like that, but it’s a very real possibility nonetheless.
It’s a good thing Leo’s overall temper is more on the mild side and he prefers going to his room or something to complete solitude, because it really is dangerous for a kid to have the ability to isolate themselves like that at their fingertips.
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sometimes i remember that gojo wanted to tell geto “we’ll meet again, right?” just before he died but forced himself not to knowing it would have cursed him and then i start thinking about how kind and thoughtful gojo is as a character and how he hasn’t been able to lean on another human being since geto defected and then i want to . Scream
#like. there’s something almost helpless about that question. because gojo doesn’t *know* the answer…. he’s asking for reassurance#he wants to know if they’ll ever meet again even though deep down he knows the answer#and it’s so… bare? so vulnerable.#if he had voiced it that would’ve been the first time in TEN YEARS that gojo truly bared his heart to someone and asked for help#but he knew it would turn into a curse and so he gulped the words back down. :((#gojo is such a sincerely kind and thoughtful character and it breaks my heart that sooo many people in the fandom can’t see that 😭#he isn’t a saint and he definitely isn’t selfless but above all else his goal as a human being is to make sure no one ever feels alone.#that no one has their youth taken away from them….. that everyone gets a Choice in how to live their life :(((( it’s so important to him.#i just genuinely don’t understand ppl who insist that he’s morally gray ….. gojo is a consistently Good person and that never changes#he wants to have fun and laugh and he wants his students to enjoy their youth. he wants them to think he’s cool.#he’s the big brother slash father Ever and i love him to death#i got sidetracked this was supposed to be abt geto 😔😔 anyway the final scene between them will always be my Favorite ever#and the key to understanding both their characters and love for one another#ty for coming to my ted talk i’m feeling normal abt them today 😇😇#ari noises ✩
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sarasade · 1 year
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Part of me almost hopes that Viren's story arc will end in a disproportionately cruel way, you know.
I'm just so tired of seeing a character doing one good thing before they die or trying to change before they die and instead of the audience taking that as purposeful ambiguity the discussion will center around if the character was "Redeemed".
But imagine if he was punished so harshly that even the Viren haters would feel bad for him. Now that would be interesting! I've seen some dark speculation around season 5 so I'm looking forward to seeing how the show will contextualise his arc.
I don't understand why "Redemption" is such a popular talking point when centering villains (ok I actually do. I'm looking at you, Zuko).
"Sin and Atonement" and "Redemption" are deeply Christian themes. I don't think those should be a universal frame of reference to all stories.
Yes, yes, this is more of a fandom problem, not a show problem. But if people want to see a bad character harshly punished for their crimes maybe they should get that for once. I don't really mind because I think Viren, while unlikeable, is a sympathetic character already. Of course I feel for a character even if they are "irredeemable". That's what stories are for.
I don't mean it's a completely useless way to look at art but it's just- I don't know- I'm bored? Especially YouTube commentators talk about redemption constantly instead of engaging with the themes that actually are there.
Sometimes villains can't even really make up for everything they have done, just like some people in real life. Viren has committed so many crimes- like how do you even fix that? However it'd still be interesting if he tried to change. That's what I'm here for. Like Viren and Claudia are not just an antagonistic counterforce to our heros but they have a lot of going on as unique characters.
Viren has his saviour complex and values domination over cooperation. Claudia is interesting because she's both the victim and the perpetrator. It's interesting how self-sufficient she is while being deeply emotionally codependent on Viren. She has a ton of agency as a physically (magically?) strong person but not a ton of agency as an independent, emotionally strong individual. Viren and Claudia love each other but it's isolating kind of love where they don't really have anyone else but each other (Terry is really trying to get in there. Like sorry Terry you don't know how fucked up these two are lmao).
No wonder it was so easy to Aaravos take Viren's place as an authority figure in Claudia's life after Viren died. Or at least that's what I took away from Lost Child short and TDP season 4 in general.
I still think about the first information we got outside Viren and Claudia's POV about Aaravos's mirror: Runaan's warning about "A Fate Worse Than Death".
This framing device sounds really important. I've been wondering how it'll play out eventually. Is it something about Viren losing his old life he worked so hard to build, or will he lose Claudia in some metaphorical or literal way? Is it something even more personal?
Personally, I'd love to see Viren live and change as a person. There are plenty of high-fantasy male characters like him who go through that kind of transformation: Guts from Berserk, Geralt of Rivia, Jaime from GoT, Ged the Wizard... You know, characters who realise that the things they value are unsustainable or even harmful to themselves and to people around them and even to the world as a whole. Or they realise that superficial things like status and power are unfulfilling and only serve status quo. There are some parallels to toxic masculinity/ hegemonic masculinity, too.
However, I think it'd be interesting if Viren's story will be a deeply tragic one. Anyway I'm here for this.
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gayvecchio · 1 year
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Ray Vecchio in due South: The Pilot ->"I'm looking for a Detective Armani"
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pwurrz · 5 months
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yakumo/quincy + edmond aka “i don’t really trust the knights but i definitely trust you.”
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thefandomcassandra · 4 months
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a zero escape ficlet
Your name is Aoi Kurashiki. Ten years ago, your sister died. You tried to fix that one year ago but something went wrong. You lost and she's still dead. On a whim—a snail stops in your path—you visit this science symposium in America—you never went back to Japan because it hurt too much to go home without her—and see this brick shithouse man—or he would be if he didn't look like he hadn't been eating or sleeping, his face drawn and scarecrow thin, his clothes hanging off of him, his eyes as dead as yours—standing next to your sister.
He calls them GAULEMS. He says he based her—not your sister, Echo, model GTF-AM-E-305—off of someone he knew. You ask him how, when, at what point. He looks like you struck him. He says "She and I cohabited together" which is a lie. He says "I didn't know she was dead until I woke up here" which makes no sense. He says "Forty-five years from now, in a timeline that will not happen, she and I will have hosted a game on the moon" which hurts to hear. He says "Do you know who Zero is?" and you do.
Its not fair. "No," he says, "it's not". She was supposed to live. "And the world was supposed to end. or," he adds, "I was supposed to help stop it from ending." Why are you alive when she isn't? "I don't know," and something in his voice makes you believe he's just like you. "Her name is Phi," he says, "and she didn't make the jump with me. or maybe I made the wrong jump." Wrong turn at Albuquerque. "That would be my luck." His laugh feels empty.
Echo hurts to be around and he knows this so she isn't nearby when you talk with him (you talk a lot). You tell him about the Nonary Game and Hongou and Light and Clover. You tell him about Junpei ("Tenmyouji?" and you're more sad than surprised he's been—will be?—in more than one. Nobody deserves that, not even you) and Hazuki and Seven and losing. You tell him about fire and nine years of your life. He tells you about forty-five and the moon and a pandemic.
You grieve together for other timelines.
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shadystranger · 2 months
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coming out to say I think the ending was evil as balls and horrible to sam why'd you force him to live intrinsically broken inside and hollow living for the longest soul-decaying while without the person he loves most waking up every day and going goddammit not again while becoming a shell of a human it's almost sadistic why'd you do this to him
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bunnihearted · 2 months
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𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔
#it hurts but it is natural and im not oversensitive and im allowed to feel this way#the future i had envisioned and hoped for and believed in was just.. suddenly gone and im allowed to mourn the loss#because for an entire year i've been wanting this. and imagining it and thought of ways it could be real#and i didnt base my feelings only on imagination but on his words and him saying that we should figure out whatever was between us#and in the way we talked and what we shared and how he did start treating me as 'his girl'#which i also do not think was irresponsible nor am i upset by that. bc i wasnt 100% present bc of my avpd stuff#but it was so amazing and he was so amazing and i'd been having feelings for him for half a year before and then i only fell more and more#im trying to be as non specific as possible bc like i can only talk abt *me*.. but there were just sm other things and circumstances#so it got less and less intense.. and i wanted to give him space and patience and not push smth on him and be insensitive#then i told him abt being in love w him and wanting to be there for him w his struggles and working it out together#and im embarrassed af but i had honestly thought... that would be met well and with reciprocity...#(i understand that feelings cant be forced & im not upset or feel betrayed i just felt v sad bc i was so sure he would want me to be his gf#but i got neither a clear rejection nor much of what he was thinking abt me and what was between us. mostly just that it wasnt a good timin#so again i wanted to respect that and not keep push it. even if i tried bringing it up sometimes it never got anywhere and it didnt feel#right to just keep and keep on doing it. then there were times when i /felt/ rejection and got more hope based on interactions#truly i've been walking around for a year believing that this was smth that would come true if only we could talk#and i've been waiting and hoping and loving. and i've really been thinking of it as a real future#i even tried telling him a few months ago that if he wants me he can have all of me but he told me to stop so i did#and now i've learned that none of my devotion or hope was returned... i've been in this waiting room all alone all this time#i thought i was patient bc of all the other things but he couldnt give me a chance but he did for someone else and that just hurts#idk it hurts bc this love and connection meant so much to me and i wanted to do anything to make it work#and when u realize all of a sudden that it was only u who felt that and that future u so badly thought would happen isnt real#.... i feel extremely lost and despairing. plus it just is how i feel but i've only been this connected to him#honestly it might sound weird how i can feel this much for someone i've never met irl but he has been my only hope and comfort#for the past years he hs been my only comfort and the only thing making me feel good and ok and hopeful.... so it hurts it hurts it hurts!!
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twpsyn-who · 6 months
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Today on "Another JeanMarco Soulmate AU absolutely no one asked for" I present to you -
Soulmate AU in which you stop seeing colors when your soulmate dies, the only exception being your soulmate. Now cue to Jean who just found Marco's, his best friend's, body. And you know, there's the shock of finding out Marco's dead. The pain and confusion and guilt. But there's also the revelation, because despite everything he can still see Marco like nothing took place at all- yes, half of his face is missing and his body is straight up lifeless, but Jean can still make out the color of his eye ; see that light shade of brown perfectly, remember all the times he has found himself looking at them while listening to Marco talk. He can still make out the colors of his uniform, see the same shade of black his hair has always had, practically see. Despite being dead, Marco was the only piece of color left in his life.
And there's denial for a moment because there's no way Marco was his soulmate. But that goes away fast, getting replaced by guilt. By the fact that he hasn't been there to save him, that Marco has to die all alone without anyone being there for him.
And that was worse than the simple fact that he could no longer see colors ; because Marco was there when Jean needed him, but he failed to do the same. And not only he lost his best friend that day, but his other half too.
#Anyway this fucker doesn't tell anyone about the whole soulmate thing. Not of shame of anything but because he's mourning man and also is no#One's business. Anyway the first one to find out is Armin because he notices and ever since he makes sure to mention colors as often as he#can. Like 'These flowers are a nice shade of red' or 'Green suits you well Jean! You should wear this shirt' stuff like that#Jean does appreciates it once he gets over his ego and pain and lets other people get closer to him#Funny enough Jean is the only one in that situation loool. Well I don't know about Reiner and Historia is getting there soon enough but#everyone else??? Colors everywhere man#Is both funny and sad#'Since when..?' Jean expected that question yet he wasn't truly ready to answer it. Deep down he knew he was never going to be ready for it#'Trost' his voice stains sightly while naming the city. His own city. The place he grew up in all his life. The others say nothing else#after that confession. They were all aware many has died during Trost. It wasn't that far fetched for Jean's soulmate to be some civilian#lost during the evacuations or something. But then Connie's eyes widen ever so sightly the realization sitting in. He doesn't even register#when he says 'It was Marco right?' and regrets it immediately. Jean's painful face is all the answer they needed#Also Historia ready the letter and the world losing colors while she's doing that??? Her tearing up a little but not letting herself cry#until she gets alone???? Her going to Jean once that happens and them comforting each other?????#They starts seeing colors again once Eren dies. Poor Jean is trying his best to not have a breakdown because Connie needed him more in that#moment#Reading* wtf my tags make no sens sorry guys I'm lowkey tired#aot#jean kirstein#jeanmarco#aot jean#marco bodt#marco bott#aot marco#jean kirschstein#snk#JeanMarco Soulmate AU#soulmates au#I'm not sad you are
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alexturner2005 · 1 year
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just worked my last shift 🥳 it’s very weird to be closing a six year chapter of my life
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franeridan · 1 year
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i love the way luffy is so consistent and insistent in making fun of zoro for having no sense of direction that it slowly brainwashed everyone into forgetting he's just as bad himself
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once again thinking about a version of the story where 13 lands in sheffield three years earlier when ryan and yaz are still sixteen and a whole lot angrier
13 turning out a bit more immature bc she spends her first twenty-four hours after regenerating with these reactive and kinda fucked up kids. ryan dealing with grace and graham recently getting married or getting ready to get married. probably feeling abandoned by his grandmother after his mother and father. feeling alone with his grief. maybe kinda just has tibo to confide in. yaz meanwhile is in hell getting bullied and either recently got driven home from a running away attempt and is now dealing with the familial aftermath of that, or is planning the running away. maybe kiiiiiiinda just has sonya to confide in but probably not really. probably doesnt confide in anyone
13, still malleable and fluid, running into these messed up teenagers who reflect all her own lonely angry betrayed abandoned feelings back to her, shaping herself in response to them. they dont trust her at all to start with, but i think she'd win yaz over in a similar way she does in canon, presenting herself as an authority who listens and understands. perhaps slightly more the understanding than authority part at this point in yaz's life. maybe she lands in front of yaz actually in the hills before anita can get there. yaz is like "where the fuck did you come from" and shes like "um the troposphere i think" and yaz is like "how are you not dead" and shes like "oh i was! but then i decided maybe i shouldnt be. so. now im here :) with you!" and that kinda strikes a chord with yaz. and then the doctor's like "do you happen to have a sandwich in that backpack im starving"
then aliens happen and once they run into ryan, yaz is already won over and she and ryan recognise each other and she convinces him that, like, no shes not nuts, theres definitely aliens shes seen them
11x1 would go entirely differently obviously. maybe grace wouldnt die and graham wouldnt travel. ryan maybe decides to travel a little bit out of spite and home doesnt really feel like home, and yaz isnt having fun at home or at school either and she was running away anyway so this is not a hard decision
the emotional instability and bad decision counter of a team tardis thats just 16-year-old yaz and ryan and 13 is kind of amazing to imagine. it'd be so volatile but they'd love each other so much i think they'd be the best friends bc instead of starting off closing herself off from grief, 13 would start off having her justified and irrational anger sort of validated and coaxed out i think by yaz's and ryan's. in the tardis between the three of them there would be a place to express "nobody cares about me" whether thats true isnt the point, i think theyre all feeling it a little bit. "everyone just moved on like mum didnt matter/'tell an adult' like what are they gonna do?/okay it wasnt all their faults but all my friends are dead" you know? i think they'd be heard with each other and i think there'd be space for the injustice of it all and especially as the doctor is like a children's advocate most of all, she would take ryan and yaz seriously in a way i think they wouldnt have been by any other adult in their lives at that point. and in return they, just by being there as they are, would make room for the hurt child that 13 is and will turn out to be
and i dont have details for this but i think it would be really nice if the way 13 listens and takes seriously yaz and ryan in the first season (not like consciously or deliberately or anything, shes not trying to Do anything, this is just who the doctor is) would be mirrored in the second and/or the third when they have calmed down a bit, dealt with some of their issues at home, talked to some family members, become a little less depressed and angry etc, and they return the way she treated them when she finds out abt the timeless child and tecteun. she took their anger seriously and she took them seriously when they said "this isnt fair" and in return they can take her anger seriously, probably are angry on her behalf, and they can stop her from overcorrecting from like being 10 by pointing out to her that this isnt fair and shes allowed to be angry abt it
and when yaz inevitably gets a crush i think it shows up as a kind of out of character/seemingly regressive prickliness and snappiness toward the doctor getting more intense over the course of s12 that ryan and the doctor first are puzzled by bc like sure in the first half of s11 maybe they were all a bit snappish with each other but theyve been friends for like a year now whats this about all of a sudden? and yaz is like Nothing!!!! it's nothing!!! piss of!!! bc shes having feelings she doesnt know what to do with or how to interpret so theyre just manifesting as Angery. that same need to prove herself + probably worry abt the doctor as in canon except a lot more combative and a lot less inhibited. shes probably picking fights abt everything the doctor tells her to do. trying to provoke the doctor into actually getting mad and yelling at her or, god forbid, grabbing her, shoving her, using her hands bc yaz wont listen to words. sometimes youre 17 and horny and you dont understand you want one of your two friends in the world to kiss you bc it hasnt occurred to you that girls kissing girls is a thing that can happen. ryan figures it out first
in this version ryan probably stays until the end too - or the same as in revolution happens and yaz feels betrayed that he'd give up on the doctor so easily and feels alone in the entire world again - graham and dan wouldnt come into the picture. ryan's and yaz's family would come into the picture a little more actively. theres a lot of plot to figure out that i cant and it would be a very different era in many ways but i think it would be nice
#if i could figure out plot i'd write it but it's really not my forte#it's been 4 years and im still turning this era every which way trying to wring a bit of catharsis out of it#i think it would be nice esp bc like i said i think the doctor mainly is a children's advocate#and i think it would be nice if like. that got reflected back to them#like.......i cant articulate this clearly#like in the end nobody even knows abt the timeless child right?#it's just twisted stories in villains' hands and we dont even have a name#i imagine the doctor seeing ryan and yaz as the people they are when they meet#and in return they can see her and the child she was later on#nobody fucking knows!#and im not saying like oh she should tell everyone the trauma or whatever#i just feel like#who honoured this child?#who saw her?#i feel like theres a kind of opportunity there if ryan and yaz are still younger#also they were 19 in canon they shouldnt have been so fucking put together!#they were way too emotionally stable#even for 19#but i think it'd be more fun if they are 16 and truly In The Midst Of The Horrors#also i want to see thasmin play out with yaz barely 20 and their dynamic built on this.......teenage solidarity i guess#like im sure ryan would be the one to figure it out but how does he react?#does he point it out in front of the two of them or does he ask yaz once when theyre alone#like in a scene at the end of 12x7 like 'so do you like her or smth?'#and shes like 'no! what? no!'#and hes like 'are you sure. like im not homophobic it's fine but'#and shes like 'w aht the fuck are you talking about' bc shes actually like what the fuck is he talking abt#but then later in bed shes like 'wait..........wait' and has a crisis abt it#(this doesnt improve the weird irritability re: the doctor. and then she Dies. and that does NOT improve the weird irritability)#and then if ryan stops travellin gin revolution then flux starts with yaz being aware shes in love with the doctor#and the doctor probably too. does this change things??
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i am sad about crowley
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knightelf · 2 months
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feeling complicated things this wednesday at 2pm
#thinking abt how at the tail end of high school both friend groups Completely cut me off..one because 1 girl was jealous the other#was soending more time with me and was tired of being essentially bullied by her. but not enough to not cut me out :')#and the other bc the Main Girl decided she didnt like me calling her out for being a jackass so she condemned me and the rest were too#afraid to challenge her lol. they ended up literally replacing me with a kid 2 yrs younger that i had previously been assigned as big siste#to??? lol and even she was happy to be included which. fine she was a kid not really her fault#but then 1 month after graduating wgich i sat thru Alone omi had her 1st stroke and then the hospital failed to notice the 2nd one she had#in their care. so my best and only friend in the world had her life stolen from her and her biggest fear realized overnight.#so ofc i completely shut down and ny mom is so personally offended by this she becomes wildly cruel and bullies the fuck out of ME#and i had already been suicidal for like a decade at that point and was Only staying alive for her sake. suddenly that was all for nothing#so i give up get into drugs and alcohol after having never touched any if it VEHEMENTLY being against it at all but fuck it at that point#which spirals into me dating my ex who was my new boss after my parents forced me to get a new job despite already deciding i was gonna kms#so he sexually harasses me until i say sure fuck it why not . except it turns out i fall in love easily. bc i had never dated before.#and then im public enemy number one for this and all the family friends and STRANGERS regardless of watching ne grow up or not#decide to jump on the lets attack slash be rude to slash bully this kid even more so they KNOW we dissaprove#anyway. its been a very long 9 years.#this is me Still leaving significant shit out too. god lol i was ROBBED of my early adulthood truly
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wychelm · 1 year
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if there were just ONE word or concept I could communicate to animals it would be gift. I usually refill the birdbath twice a day and when the blackbirds come to bathe they watch me so warily. but I did it for you... it's a gift. exhausted bee my dear friend that spoon of sugar water is a gift and you don't have to be afraid. snails stuck in the watering can because his shell was too big to fit through the nozzle I'm going to get you out of there brother even though I'm sure being pushed back the way you came seems like some deep callous evil on my part. but I promise it's a gift. I don't even mind if you eat all my plants. I don't even mind if a bird eats YOU. as long as the suffering is minimal and the death contributes to life instead of being wasted. what else is there
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