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pomegranates-and-blood · 4 years ago

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Arinn (Vοσταλγία Winter Blurb)

νοσταλγία Masterlist

Arinn: fireplace, hearth (Old Norse)

Pairing: Ivar/Reader

Summary: Winter Blurb #4. Pillowtalk and annoying priestess soft Ivar, that’s about it.

Word Count: 1312

Warnings: nope, just fluff and my writing lol. Teeny tiny bit of suggestive whatevers towards the end.

A/N: Yeah, idk what this is, but I’m Marie Kondo-ing the shit out of Nostalgia atm, so, since it sparked joy, I wrote it, and now imma share it cause why not, hopefully it sparks joy in you!

“Ivar?”

There’s few things Ivar likes more than his name on your lips, the way your voice forms around the short word, the still notable accent present even then. But, right now, it is not something he wants to hear.

But you are nothing if not insufferably stubborn. Determined, you’d call it, but Ivar prefers to call it by what it is.

“Ivar?” You move closer, and though he keeps his eyes closed you pay no mind. Your hand on the side of his face is soft and slightly cold. Again, waking up to your soft touches and your body pressed against his is something he’d kill for…but on the morning, not the middle of the night. You insist, voice breathy by his ear, “My love?”

“What.”

“I can’t sleep.”

“I can,” He retorts, still refusing to open his eyes. “Let me.”

“Do you still believe it?” You ask him, and Ivar bites back words of how it is the middle of the night and you both should really be sleeping, and instead turns to lay on his side with a sigh. He opens his eyes to find you wide awake, a slight furrow in your lips that tries and fails at hiding a smug smile. By all the Gods, the things he puts up with for you.

“Believe what?” He questions, not caring about stopping himself from reaching for you, trailing up and down your arm with the back of his fingers. You are always slightly cold to the touch, and at his weakest he thinks it fitting that you feel like relief from burning flames under his touch.

“That it was Fated, that…that the Gods somehow intervened for us to meet.”

“Do you?” He asks instead of giving an answer. You notice, of course you do, that he is deliberately choosing not to answer your question, but past a look that tells him he hasn’t fooled anyone, you don’t mention it.

He wants it to be true, if he is honest. On nights like these, especially now that these nights are not promised to one day be remembered as a relic of the past that has long since left him amongst those flames your cold skin saves him from; he almost believes it to be true. It seems impossible otherwise, that you are here now, that you love him and you chose him, if it wasn’t somehow mandated by the Gods that heard him too many times curse his weakness while pleading for reprieve.

If somehow the Gods sent you to him, as a reward or something else -a punishment, his sleep-addled mind complains-; then it is easier to accept it is something he can keep. The idea that it was something he did that made you stay, that made you choose him, is strangely terrifying, even if the alternative leaves him powerless, because it means there is something he can do to make you leave, to make you choose a life without him in it.

You reach with your hand for the amulet of Thor that hangs from your neck, a habit you haven’t let go of even if it is no longer your Gods that are represented in your pendant, as you consider his question.

“I don’t know,” You muse, voice quiet. Ivar lets his eyes fall closed as he offers a quiet hm of his own, a prompt for you to continue. Your voice, warm and comforting, washes over him as you say, “I was taught that the Gods may choose what happens to us, but we decide if or how we let it change us. That is something the Fates cannot decide for us.”

“Your Fates…Moirai?”

“You remember.” You whisper, almost to yourself. He hears the smile in your voice, and it fills him with pride to be the reason behind that softness in your tone, behind that openness in your smile.

“Mhm. The three women.”

“They are three women for you too, aren’t they?” He replies with another sound, something that he thinks sounds vaguely affirmative, and lets you continue talking. “Bend to the Fates, but don’t let them break you. My mother and father told me that, one of the only lessons I remember from them.”

“What is it supposed to mean?”

“I have no idea.” You reply honestly. Ivar chuckles tiredly, and you offer a breathed laugh to accompany it.

“Since there aren’t lessons to answer it…what do you believe, hm?”

He almost wants to ask himself at which point he decided he was the one after answers instead of you, but he doesn’t much care for it. He does care for your answer, though.

“If the Gods, if…if Freyja or Despoina are the reason I am here…it doesn’t matter,” You find your resolve halfway through your words, and Ivar can feel his lips pulling into a faint smile. You adjust in your place, quickly regretting it when you let a cold breeze under the warm furs, and so move closer to him. He likes it when you do that, when you burrow close to him and seek his warmth. It makes him feel…powerful, in some roundabout way. Like you need him as much as he needs you, like you can trust him to take care of you. You pull back slightly to look at him, and he blinks past the lure of sleep and forces his eyes to focus on you. You offer a small smile, “They are not the reason I stay.”

He finds himself smiling back, like the lovesick fool that you’ve made out of him; but after a breath narrows his eyes and points out,

“We could talk about this come morning.”

“We are already talking about it,” You retort, shrugging one shoulder. “We ought to finish the things we start, my love.”

He takes a deep breath. He knows that just by retorting with something he will be doing exactly what you want him to, which is staying awake and keeping you company, but he is too tired to think of a strategy around it now.

So, he insists, “Not really.”

“You were the one telling me to finish what I start a couple of nights ago, if I remember correctly.”

Ivar knows what you are talking about, mostly because he can identify that smug little tone in your voice. In the dim light of the morning, he had your legs wrapped around him and you were moaning quietly against his lips as you tasted yourself on his tongue, but you were interrupted and you just…left. Ivar grew increasingly frustrated during the rest of the day, and he is certain -even if you deny it- that at some point near the afternoon you noticed, and you started making it worse by lingering more than usual on your touches, putting a bit more force in your kisses. He knows at some point during the night, when he finally had you to himself, half-mad with lust he grunted by your ear how you better finish what you start. He still remembers the way the dark and hoarse laugh you let out made a shiver run down his spine.

He grits his teeth, and insists, “Not the same.”

You remain silent for a couple of breaths, and it is enough to intrigue him into opening his eyes again. He finds you smiling a little wickedly, and can’t help the thrill that look sends down his spine.

Another little shrug, and you offer, “It could be.”

Ivar rolls his eyes, “Go to sleep.”

“Sex would help me sleep.”

“Would it help you stay quiet?”

“I don’t know if you want that. You always say you want to hear me m-…”

Ivar interrupts you, leaning forward to capture your mouth in his, cupping the back of your head and bringing you closer to him. He pretends not to feel you smiling smugly against his lips.

____ ____ ____

Thank you for reading, hope you liked it!

Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius @heavenly1927 @toe-vind-ek-jou @xbellaxcarolinax @angelofthorr @samsationalwilson @peachyboneless @1950schick @punkrocknpearls @ietss @itsmysticalmystery @revolution-starter @the-a-word-2214 @fae-sedai @crazybunnyladysworld @funmadnessandbadassvikings @stupiddarkkside @aprilivar @msrawog

#ivar the boneless x reader #ivar x reader #ivar the boneless imagine #ivar the boneless #ivar #νοσταλγία masterlist

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meruz · 4 years ago

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replying to some asks - lots of weird preachy art advice. just trying to cram every sophomore year art school lecture into my blog

ANON, PLEASE SEND ME A PICTURE OF THIS..........................

glad to hear it!!!! I always love to see sketches from other artists but somehow when I post mine I feel like it’s just...cheap? like its not ““Real content”““ LOL... but if even one person likes to see it thats all I need to hear

very interesting question, thank you for being specific because that makes it a lot easier to answer. This is going to kind of sound like what every other artist tells you but

1) Go to figure drawing classes/sessions! I know we’re in the middle of a pandemic right now but actually that might even make it easier to find because a lot of figure drawing sessions are being held online atm! Anyways, I cannot possibly overemphasize the importance or studying the human form from life. It’s something that artists spend their whole lives studying and still learn new things about. Nude figure sessions are far preferred over clothed ones especially for beginners but, really, any practice from life helps. Whenever you draw from observation, make sure to step back and really look at your model and then your drawing. What discrepancies do you see, what feels like its missing, where do you think you can improve, etc etc. developing a critical eye is crucial.

I think figure drawing classes are the best method by far but theres plenty of other ways to get the practice in. I do a lot of cafe drawing and drawing on public transport, personally. Drawing from life is vastly preferred over drawing from photo reference because the human body is a living thing and conveying it properly means understanding 3D space and gesture and movement, all things that are easier to perceive irl. A lot of artists draw from dance videos on youtube to at least get the idea of movement even if it’s ultimately from a 2D screen. Recently, I’ve been drawing a lot from rock climbing videos on youtube!

because they’re climbing you actually get a lot of interesting angles LOL... good study of pose-to-pose relationships too, actually..

2) Practice dynamically. If you can develop the eye to figure out where your drawings are lacking, you can practice with those weaknesses in mind. If you realize you don’t really understand the structure of a foot or the back of the head or the back when it’s arched, look up references and practice those things specifically. Sometimes it’s not in the specifics but the general - if you realize you have a hard time proportioning out the figure, draw guides for yourself and set goals to draw proportions before details. Stuff like that.

3) Box Trick. This is just the simplest way to get a set of guidelines down for perspective on the human body the same way you put down guidelines to figure out where the eyes sit on the head LOL.

but here’s something to keep in mind regardless: perspective is a game. You’re tricking the eye into thinking something is close or far when actually its just sitting on the same 2D plane as everything else. You can do the math and make all the guides you want but at the end of the day its either going to look convincing or its not. And being convincing is a lot less about being accurate and a lot more about confidently selling your point. So don’t sweat the calculations of proportions, make hands or heads or feet as big as you feel is right and trust your eye and your gut over your brain.

Hi, yeah sure go ahead! As long as you link+credit me, I don’t mind my work being used for non-profit purposes. Especially fanart like.. I don’t even own these characters LOL. Just, if you edit my art, please don’t use it to perpetuate like...hate speech or even edgy politics... unless they are edgy politics I have explicitly endorsed LOL. If you’re ever on the fence abt it feel free to ask, of course!

TYSSMMM yeah ideally I guess its just ? group therapy LOL? I feel like actually Ryuji, Akechi, and Haru are characters we see very rarely interact and when they do they seem very alienated by each other?? So I think it would actually be great for them to chat LOL they have a lot in common especially the fondness for direct action.

VERY NICE THINGS TO SAY TYSMMMMMMMMMM

I guess since I was old enough to hold a crayon? Doesn’t every kid draw?

But if you mean when I started seriously drawing and trying to get better.. I guess I started carrying a sketchbook when I was 12-13 years old and I’m turning 25 in a couple days so it’s been 12-13 years about. I don’t believe that years have any huge bearing on art progress though. You can be drawing for 50 years without ever deepening or widening your skill set, if you stick to the same old patterns day in and day out. Similarly an artist who is proactive with learning new skills and targeting their weaknesses can improve in leaps and bounds in a matter of weeks.

The style I currently use for painting, I only really started using.... about 3 years ago? When I was a senior in college.

but i wouldn’t say I’ve “““mastered”““ it and I doubt I really ever will because I don’t think that’s the point... I’m constantly changing things depending on how I want a painting to look or the way I want it to feel... or how I feel on any given day LOL

the thing about art style is I don’t think it’s actually something you have to work on or “find”. An artist should change the way they draw depending on the subjects or techniques they want to explore. If I wanted to convey comedy, I’d draw characters differently from how I would if I wanted to portray drama. And if I wanted to focus on lighting I’d paint differently from how I would if I wanted to focus on the details of the human form. When I was drawing a lot of digimon fanart earlier this year I drew differently from how I’m drawing now while putting out a lot of persona 5 fanart LOL - even when the content is similar the characters have different gestures and different tone that I convey through any number of things, proportion, rendering, edge definition, color range, etc etc.

as you experiment with techniques and approaches undoubtedly there’ll be some you’re naturally better at or more interested in than others. and i think that’s what a person’s “art style” really is, the stuff that you gravitate to and come back to over and over even as you transform and explore.

not sure if that makes sense but.. that’s my two cents, anyway.

yea hit me uppp dude [email protected] lmk what you want and I’ll give you a quote

#art advice??? LOL #ask #anon #anonymous #parkore #whatevayouwannacallit #lesbianellliesattler

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koizumicchi · 4 years ago

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I'm following you, and u keep talking about lipxlip and it made me curious. So I was wonder where do i start? Do i need to follow a specific order?

Hello anon and thank you for the follow!!! This may be late now but nice to meet you!!! And I apologize for this late reply!

It's a bit hard to map out but I'll do my best to make a guide :D This is long so buckle up!

LIP×LIP is an idol unit by HoneyWorks (haniwa for short). Haniwa is a music-inclined group producing their own original songs. The main members are: shito and gom, in charge with the songs, and yamako the main illustrator. There are also other support members like mogelatte and the band members, etc. Haniwa is known for their songs and the MVs they release that tell the stories of their characters. Before, they only upload their videos on nico nico douga (that's where I discovered them but correct me if I'm wrong, anyone) but they have their own youtube channel now.

LIP×LIP is a 2-person idol unit composed of Shibasaki Aizou and Someya Yuujirou. When they debuted, their last names weren't revealed so everyone got used to calling them by their first names. Aizou is the blonde with the hair tie; he is the 'wild' image of LIP×LIP, the cool guy, the sunshine brimming with energy, but in truth, he's resentful and usually seen openly angry at anyone when not in idol mode. Yuujirou is the blue-haired with uneven bangs; he is the calm side of LIP×LIP (like the moon), the gentle tones, the pretty boy; but outside his idol persona, he looks down on others inferior to him, and glares at anyone he doesn't like. Off-cam, he and Aizou don't have a good relationship; they argue and disagree with each other a lot... but they got along somewhere somewhen and are now partners or 'rivals' as they like to put it. They may be two-faced jerks, but trust me, they are valid (once you know where they are coming from) and eventually got better as a person. I'll let you in on a secret: they are soulmates but they just don't realize it yet.

That's basically the general summary. I try to avoid mentioning major spoilers but if you have more questions about them, you can try checking the wikia site and if that's not enough for you, my ask box is always open!

I knew LIP×LIP during their debut period but tbh right now I'm not exactly sure what direction should I point you to XD i guess you can start with their MVs. that's where I got to know them anyway. liplip wasn't that popular at first; they were meant to be side characters, I assume, but the fans love them too much and so LIP×LIP got too powerful and landed several collabs which lead to growing popularity.

MVs (they're on youtube dont worry, just search using their kanji titles) : 1. Romeo - debut, Feb 2017 2. Nonfantasy 3. Hitsuyou Fukkaketsu - only a short mv 4. Koi wo Shiyou - a collab so liplip isnt the focus 5. Yume Fanfare 6. Yappa Saikyou 7. Rodeo 8. Choco Kano 9. Chiisana Lion ft Minami

After Romeo, you can watch these in any order you like since they can stand on their own, except for Yume Fanfare and Yappa Saikyou - those you gotta watch consecutively.

Then there are the other MVs which liplip is featured: Heroine Ikusei Keikaku and Heroine Tarumono, among others. There's also the short drama video wayback in 2017 focusing on Aizou and Yuujirou being a bitch on this girl fresh out of a province (excuse me this makes me laugh everytime i remember it), subbed by Denzero - he has an fb page of the same name and he uploaded it there. Hopefully he hasn't deleted it. Watch it before Nonfantasy for more context.

And then there's the Docchi Kiss episode, released last year. I translated it myself, and with the help of some friends, we were able to sub it! I recommend you watch it after Yume Fanfare since it was released after that MV. You can actually watch it after Romeo (the ep is the making video after all) but I think the 'fanservice' wouldn't be that believable XD and of course the 2 drama tracks featured on docchi kiss!! I've made a sunmary of that as well!

The songs w/o an MV :'(( - Judge - Tsuki no Hime - White Day Kiss - Repaint - Fiancee (also on youtube but sung by vocaloids gumi and miku) - Seika (Yuujirou's solo) - Yellow (Aizou's solo)

I have translated these (except for Fiancee) as well, you can find them under my /translation tag. Please do not omit Seika and Yellow. I cannot stress this enough. That's where you'll understand Aizou and Yuujirou's relationship and their thoughts on each other.

There's also the light novels. I think there are about 3 now? For heroine ikusei keikaku, romeo, and kono sekai no tanoshimikatta. It isnt available atm unless you buy them of course. There are also short stories, written in Japanese but translated from Spanish by Mar @yume-fanfare, you can read them on their blog!

And of course, the big project!!! The anime film!!! Kono Sekai no Tanoshimikatta or How to Enjoy this World, to be released on 25th of December this year! It will reveal their pre-idol days, the audition, the days before and after their debut! You can check /HoneyWorksMovie on twitter for more information. and check out Haru's blog @takanenene for translation of the info. The OP and ED songs for the film, sung by LIPLIP themselves will be released on Dec 23 so we'd probably get an mv or two before that date!

Well, that ends it! Sorry for the lack of photos or direct links; our connection here isn't exactly stable for the past weeks :

#asks #tumblr mobile stop ruining my posts pls #i edited it afshdjd sorry abt that hideous format

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dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt · 5 years ago

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my lovely beautiful mother @lielith asked this, I’m sorry Tumblr freaked out and deleted all my text reply to your ask .-. I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR ASKING <3 <3 <3

this is going to be all the even numbers from this post, I’m putting it under the cut bc it’s a bit long XD <3

2. what does your name mean (either literally, or to you personally)

OKAY SO when I was about 8 my Mum bought me this book:

(please pardon my star blanket) and I was obsessed with it bc DOGS!!!1!!!!!!!1! and one of the characters’ names was Matthias, and I remember thinking “wow Matthias is such a cool name, I wish my name could be Matthias.” AND LIKE NEWS FLASH LITTLE-MATT, GUESS WHAT, IT IS!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D <3 <3 <3 (Also it wasn’t toooooo dissimilar to my deadname, so it wasn’t much of a jump - it even means the same thing - ‘gift of God’ - even if it is terribly inaccurate if put into context with me X’D

also yes I still have the exact book I got my name from bc :’)

4. what was the most helpful in figuring out and accepting yourself as trans?

Experimenting. Especially online since I had no fucking idea how my folks were going to react. Going by different pronouns/a different name, trying on different types of clothes, cutting my hair, trying to walk a bit different and letting myself come out of my shell a bit to act more like me rather than trying to hide everything away. Just find a safe space to experiment, and do research. Lots and lots of research. And also knowing that it’s 110% okay to change your mind about anything at any time is nice. <3

The biggest tip I would give to anybody questioning their gender and/or sexuality though is: do not come out until you are comfortable in yourself first and do not let anybody pressure you into coming out before then, even yourself. Trust me. Don’t make the same mistake I did because it will make everything a billion times harder.

6. what’s something you’re most looking forward to in your transition (or something that was your favorite part of transitioning)?

God not having to have my anxiety through the roof thinking that somebody’s gonna notice my chest. I cannot wait to get top surgery I need it so bad. I can’t remember the last time I relaxed in a public space - in any space, really. It’s just a constant thing. Also starting T at some stage and getting a deeper voice and hopefully getting rid of most of the feminine curves bc ugh on women they’re amazing but on me *insert gagging noises here*. Also hopefully having less and less dysphoria would be nice :’)

8. who was the first person you came out to (or plan to come out to)?

My former best friend/abuser. And honestly even though she was the world’s biggest abusive manipulative bitch, she did that right and supported me and made me feel very comfortable. Though looking back that may have been because she liked the idea of having a trans person as a best friend but eh, it helped me at the time so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

10. have you ever been to pride?

No, I haven’t. ://// :(((( I really really really wanted to go this year but with the big move and all that, I couldn’t. So NEXT YEAR IS THE YEAR, BABY!! :D :D <3 <3

12. what gives you the most gender euphoria?

Already answered here! <3

14. what’s your favorite trans joke or meme?

Honestly all of them but this one wins atm from sheer relateble-ness X’D

16. do you have any piercings?

Nope!! I don’t really have any plans to get any, but I’m not against the idea!! :D

18. what do you wish other people understood better about being trans?

That we’re just people. Who want to do people things like pee in a public toilet without being harassed or potentially attacked and who want to feel comfortable in our bodies.

20. what advice would you give your younger self?

“YOU’RE A BOY YOU TREMENDOUS DUMBASS!!!!!” uhh, apart from that, tell myself that A) it’s gonna be okay, and B) not to let anybody else dictate who you are, it’s your life, nobody else’s.

22. do you find yourself fitting into gender roles, or consider yourself gender non-conforming?

I mean... what are gender roles?? Most of what are considered a man’s ‘gender roles’ are just harmful toxic masculinity under a thin veneer. I like to be able to support and protect my loved ones in every way, I want to be a strong, solid presence, I like the colour blue, tattoos, very masculine clothes, rolling around in the mud, being physically strong, but then again so do many women. I also like the colour yellow, have died my hair pink, and don’t always subscribe to the ideas that many men seem to have. I don’t want to be “the head of the household” because I want my partner and I to be equal and have mutual respect for one another. What even is gender and gender roles??

24. any trans role models?

MY TRANS FRIENDS. <3 But otherwise, no, not really?? I don’t really trust people enough to have role models lmao.

26. what makes you most proud to be part of the trans community?

Umm...I don’t really know. Honestly, I think there’s a lot of toxicity in the trans community and I try to avoid it. :/// But I do like that we keep on getting up and raising our voices and that we don’t give up. :D

28. if you went by multiply names before deciding your current name, which was the first?

OOF I sort of always leaned toward Matthias but I thought about Chance for a while?? Until I decided that if I wanted to I could have that as my middle name. So I didn’t really debate for longer than two weeks or so. XD I also thought about Ben too lmao X’D

30. if you experience dysphoria, what do you find helps you the most?

Ugh. Just avoiding it really. I put on my baggiest clothes, burrito myself up in a blanket and try to ignore it until it fades a bit. Or focus on the things I can and will do in the future to get rid of it. But really there’s no way to help it, because you’re trapped in this body and it’s just a constant presence hanging over you. I just can’t wait till I get top surgery, that’ll help. :’)

32. which gender roles or cis beliefs do you find most ridiculous?

... All of it?? Idk man, gender is so weird. There are gay men who are absolutely 110% male who do drag and wear makeup and dresses. There’s straight women who are very masculine. Gender is only what you make it. If you feel like you’re a woman, you’re a woman no matter what you wear or what you do with your hair or if you wear makeup, same for men, and for non-binary people. Like really if you truly think about what defines gender, there’s nothing but what people make it for themselves.

As for cis beliefs, like some people don’t think a person’s trans till after they transition and get “The Surgery” like.... dudes.... why do you think the person was transitioning in the first place....??//?????//??/? XD

34. do you fit any trans stereotypes?

I mean I’m white so I certainly fit the media’s belief of what is the only type of trans person THE SHADE

I mean, I’m small and angry, so there’s that. And I do tend to have a few feminine mannerisms still I guess??? or maybe that’s just my butthead dysphoria speaking. And I also do stare at my chest for hours on end scowling and poking it sooo... X’D

#THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING MOM #<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 #lielith #Asks

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airquietworks · 7 years ago

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The Day Deku Asked All Might About His Love Life (IzuOcha Oneshot)

Summary: Izuku Midoriya cannot focus on his hero training. Not when his head was being constantly bombarded with images of Ochako Uraraka, looking drop dead gorgeous as she decked a villain in the face. When it hurts his ability to use his quirk, he is forced to turn to his mentor for advice. But what words do All Might have to offer about how romance mixes with heroics?

The glorious image — the beautiful visage of Uraraka etched with a furious intensity as she punched out a villain — would not leave Izuku’s mind.

Every time he thought about the afternoon’s run-in, his heart skipped and his mind filled with a fuzzy kind of fog. It was distracting and Izuku hardly had the time for it. He had far too much work to do. It hadn’t even been particularly eventful, as far as run-ins with villains went. A would-be ATM thief trying to escape from the scene in an area Izuku was patrolling. But before he could catch up, Uraraka — notably off-duty and out of school uniform — decked the disruptive villain in the face. One solid punch and the villain was out cold. Uraraka acted quickly, grabbing the villain’s arms and locking him in place. In three seconds, the villain was completely subdued, his best friend beating him to the punch. In his eyes, it was a remarkable little moment. But he couldn’t fathom why it made him so flustered. What about the image had gotten him so worked up? Ochako Uraraka. His best friend. One of his closest confidantes. The girl who could always lift his spirits, a gesture he did his best to return. Whose selflessness knew few bounds and often inspired him to push himself harder. The cutest girl in class, who once could send him into a sputtering, blushing mess with a single smile. Who could knock out a villain in a single blow and then casually ask him about his day in the next moment.

Wait, why did he just think of her as the cutest girl in class? Well, she is but… Wait, why was he thinking of her at all? He still had work to do! “Gahhhh!” Izuku groaned, slamming the side of his head into the scattered notebooks in front of him at his desk.

He tried his best to keep level-headed, even as he felt like his head might burst into flame. Her face and her punch kept swimming in his mind as his heartbeat started to ring in his ears. Izuku closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He could figure this out. He liked Uraraka. A lot. He always knew that. She was a good friend. A great friend. A girl he would like to...stay friends with. He respected her. Admired her determination and tenacity. Loved her...her kind tenderness, impressed upon him from the moment they met. He valued her friendship more than just about anything. He sighed and opened his eyes. He wasn’t so dense that he couldn’t feel the inklings of a crush starting to take form within him. It wasn’t exactly a new feeling either, though not one he had felt with this kind of ferocity in quite some time. But that was okay. That was a normal, teenage thing. Hormones and what not. He had read plenty about it online. But it wasn’t something he had that much time to worry about. His hectic life at UA would undoubtedly occupy the forefront of his mind once again. He could recognize these feelings, push them aside and get some work done. It’s not like Uraraka would ever have these same feelings about him, anyway.

Izuku Midoriya was a creature of schedule. Ever since he started working towards heroics, he kept himself focused on being very specific in how he allocated his time. Thus, it was a regular ritual that he would spend Monday mornings before class preparing a schedule for the upcoming week. He scribbled on his planer furiously as his thoughts tumbled openly out of his mouth while he sat at his homeroom desk. “If I hit the gym right after class today…I should have time before my meeting with Nighteye…” he murmured as he jotted times down. His classmates had mostly grown respectful of his ritual, even if they found it a little peculiar. Most didn’t bother him as they came into class one or two at a time, taking their own seats and paying him no mind. But on this morning, Ochako Uraraka was not going to be one of those people. “Good morning, Deku!” she said in greeting, taking a seat at the empty desk next to him. “Working on your schedule?” “Morning, Uraraka,” he replied brightly, snapping himself out of his focus to turn his eyes toward her. She looked as wonderful and bright as she always did, although her eyes looked a little unsure. In the back of the mind, he kept running through his schedule...only to find he was utterly unable to remember what part of it he was just considering.

“So...I was just wondering if you could maybe fit in an extra training session for us this week,” she asked, eyes fluttering as she leaned closer. In that moment, his train of thought crashed into nothingness. Her warm, brown eyes were mesmerising. At the thought, Izuku stamped down on that hormonal part of his mind and snapped himself to attention. He had grown out of being a blubbering mess in front of her and hardly wanted to get back into that habit. “I have a few less shifts at Ryukyu’s office this week,” Uraraka went on. “And I really want to get work done perfecting some new moves before our hero midterms.”

Those tests were well on his mind, too, He had been considering how he might sneak in more prep time between all of his other commitments. He supposed this gave him a good excuse. “Sure, I...think I can manage that,” Izuku replied while scanning his half-made schedule. It wasn’t too unusual a request from her; the two had long since become close-range training partners, usually working out together about once a week. Their sessions were often the highlight of his day,, as a matter of fact. But he hardly wanted to dwell on the prospect of spending more time on her. “I could probably fit on something Thursday afternoon, just after class,” Izuku muttered as he pencilled it into his planner. “That works for me. Thanks, Deku!” The boy turned his head to be met with the brilliant smile of his best friend. The classroom light shined around her head, framing her face in an almost heavenly glow. His heart ka-thumped and his cheeks flushed. Reflexively, Izuku hit his chest with the side of his fist to tell his crushing heart to stop being stupid. He was starting to hallucinate romantic cliches, for crying out loud. “Don’t mention it. Look...looking forward to it,” he stuttered slightly. Mercifully, Uraraka departed to go chat with Ashido and Tsu. He breathed a steadying sigh of relief, letting the cool air calm his nerves. Izuku busied himself again with working out his schedule for a week. The extra training with Uraraka threw a small wrench into things, but he could work around it. Maybe if he cut back with some weight training, or asked to get some time off at his internship…. “No, no, I don’t want to do that..” Izuku murmured to himself. Of course, this would all be even more difficult if I tried to budget a date with Uraraka after our training. I don’t think I can find a single free evening and I don’t want to cut into our training time right after I made it. No, a date definitely won’t happen this week…

Izuku stayed his pencil on the page as he realized where his thoughts had roamed. He felt his cheeks heat up and he groaned, slamming his head on his desk repeatedly. Stupid stupid stupid! “You alright there, Midoriya?” Iida asked, putting a friendly hand on Izuku’s shoulder. The troubled boy shot up out of his seat and went as rigid as a tree. “Just fine, thank you!” Izuku blurted a little too loudly. He could practically feel the stares and quirked eyebrows drilling into the back of his skull after his outburst. He dared not turn around to confirm it. “You...sure?” Iida asked, looking far from convinced. Izuku didn’t think he was ever more thankful to have Aizawa walk into class, sparing him a further inquiry. He gave a curt nod to Iida — who ran to his desk in a flash. Izuku shook his head and tried to addle his mind back into its proper place. Its lovesick meandering was getting more than a little annoying He had rather minimal experience from which to draw from to handle these feelings, but knew he would have to find a way.

But the distraction haunted him throughout class all day. It was enough to drive him batty as he tried to focus on note-taking, only for his hand to wander into writing out her name. It was ridiculous. However, he staked his hopes on the most important part of the day. Solo training with All Might after class, out in a secluded part of the campus, in secret. Working at stretching the limits of his quirk under the careful gaze of his mentor. This was what he lived for. This would keep his mind cutting edge and narrow. “Alright Midoriya,” All Might said as Izuku stepped forward into the small, forested clearing they usually met at. The sun started to drop in the sky but there was plenty of daylight left to burn. His mentor kept stood proudly, his arms crossed and his mouth curling upward in a smirk. His gaze challenged the boy — just like it always did. “Show me what you got.” “Right!” Izuku shouted, trying his best to sound more confident than he felt. Without further prompting, Izuku threw his backpack aside and started revving himself up. Today, he hoped to firmly crack the 30 per cent mark of his quirk. He would focus his mind intensely on that goal, banishing all outside influence, to stretch the limits of his body. If only it could be that easy.

The surging power of generations that coursed within his veins could not yet remove the gnat that continued to gnaw at the back of his brain. Still, Izuku did his utmost to compartmentalize and the gnat out of focus as he trained his quirk to its fullest extent. He tried to concentrate egg, bursting with energy as it struggled to hold against the unrelenting heat of the microwave. As he twisted, punched and kicked in the air, he focused on pushing more power into the egg while holding it all together. His muscles, growing ever larger and tougher as he trained, were on fire against the strain of the additional power. But he gulped down the pain; he had to keep pushing at the limits of his quirk, whatever the cost. To be a hero and help the people around him. The people he cared about. Then her face flashed through his mind. He gasped as the egg exploded and his leg crumpled in pain, causing him to immediately halt One For All lest he risk another broken limb. Off-balance mid-air, Izuku tumbled haphazardly onto the ground, the dull taste of dirt muddying his taste buds. “Well, it was a good try at least,” the gruff voice of All Might commented from behind him. “You looked pretty close. What happened?” Izuku groaned into the dirt, getting up and spitting it out of his now aching mouth. He tried to dust himself off as he sprang back up, finding the strength back in his legs. He turned to face his mentor, who was looked at him expectantly with his gaunt eyes. “Sorry, I just...lost focus there for a second,” Izuku stated truthfully, choosing not to meet the gaze of his master and instead survey the forest clearing around them. It was supposed to be quiet, isolated place on the U.A. campus where they could work out One for All without disturbance. Zero distractions. But the wonderful opportunity for focused training with his idol had apparently done little to solve the growing, biting feeling at the back of his mind. “That’s...unlike you. Maybe we’ve pushed things enough for the moment,” All Might said, before turning his eyes in the direction of the main campus. “N-no, wait!” Izuku called out, his panic causing his voice to break slightly. “I’m still good, I just need a moment!” The thought of cutting any training time with All Might aggravated him, especially with how rare these opportunities seem to be. “I wasn’t going to suggest we call it quits...per say.”All Might said slowly as he turned back toward his protege. Izuku notice his face softened and his eyes looked a little...unsure? It was a strange sight to see on his All Might and he didn’t know what to make of it. “But I can tell something is bothering you. You won’t be able to push farther today if you’re distracted,” All Might’s pupils, small in the pulling darkness of his eyes, seemed to pierce right through Izuku. The boy gulped. “So, what’s the issue?” “I..uh...well…” Izuku stammered as his cheeks turned a rosy red. He grit his teeth and worked to regain control of himself, despite how off-guard he was off of his master’s proposal. “I just have had some...social issues lately. But I’m working it out.” Izuku desperately hoped the excuse would work. He was not comfortable talking about this stuff, let alone with his hero, who had never seemed to date anyone! “It’s about a girl, isn’t it?” All Might stated, seeing right through Izuku based on his reaction. Izuku immediately sputtered as he tried to think of a denial, but upon gazing into the face of All Might, sighed and resigned himself that he could not pull this over his idol. Izuku nodded miserably head hanging low.

He wasn't sure how he could possibly respond, trapped under the heady gaze of his mentor. He hardly wanted to deal with these feelings now, but All Might didn't seem to leave him with much of a choice if he wanted to continue training today.

The boy sighed and tried to collect himself. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe All Might could offer some good advice on how he could most past these emotions. Maybe he could use this as an opportunity to learn something that he needed to.

“I...am managing it,” Izuku asked, finding a little bit of confidence. “But...could I ask you something personal, sir?” “Ask away.”

With more than a little trepidation, Izuku squeaked out one of those questions he could never find the answer to in all of his years of fanboying over All Might.

“Did you...did you ever fall in love with someone?”

All Might's tiny pupils widened slightly at the question but the thin frame surrounding them did not betray his inner mind. Izuku figured it must be a question he had anticipated, at this point.

The famed hero did not answer right away, instead walking over into the forest and stretching out an arm to touch a tree. All Might fell down to the ground, turning to lean into a comfortable looking sitting position. The teacher then patted the space next to him, inviting Izuku to talk despite his continued steely expression.

“Let's take a break then,” All Might muttered neutrally, revealing nothing in the tone of his voice.

Izuku swallowed his nerves and nodded, stepping forward and sliding against the hard bark of the tree to sit next to All Might. He looked up through the forest leaves to see the pieces of the sky, alight with the fire of the sunset.

They sat in silence for a few moments, nought but the sounds of scurrying animals and the wind between them. It was refreshingly peaceful; a moment that stood in stark contrast to his turmoil. Izuku wished he had done more to earn the peace.

“I did fall in love. More than once, actually,” All Might began, snapping Izuku to attention. The boy turned his head to look at his master. All Might’s profile was softened at is stared up into the darkening skies, face softened with a strange...wistfulness if Izuku was reading it right.

“What happened?” Izuku blurted out before he could stop himself. The romantic life of All Might was never substantiated, trapped firmly within the pages of cheap tabloids. Some people inevitably tried to read into whenever All Might worked alongside a female hero, but the man always denied or avoided any questions when it came to his love life.

This was his chance to learn a side of his hero that nobody ever really had. Much as he tried to reign it in, his inner fanboy was bursting in the corner of his mind to seek answers.

“It never really worked out with anyone,” All Might sighed, turning his gaze back to the horizon full of dense foliage. “I had my eyes set on one thing alone; being the symbol of peace. I didn't really want to put anyone else through the kind of personal sacrifice that takes.”

Izuku considered the surprisingly predictable answer. It was as anyone might expect; All Might never had the time for something like romance. Like he always said in his interviews, his duties kept him busy enough. That was the reality of being the number one hero.

That would have to be Izuku's reality like he already suspected. He was fine with that. Happy, even.

So why did his heart seem to clench at the thought of the lonely road he was about to be walking?

“How did....did you deal with that, exactly? Giving up on a love life, I mean,” Izuku prodded further, keeping his eyes trained on All Might. The man kept staring forward, although his posture seemed to sink a little bit further as the conversation wore on. This did not seem to be comfortable for either of them.

“It was hard, at first,” All Might sighed, hands tensing at his sides. “I certainly had to deal with some...persistence. And it wasn't what I wanted to do. I wanted almost nothing more than to be with her.”

Izuku listened as All Might's voice grew softer, taking on a sadness in his voice that Izuku had never heard before, not even when the man talked about his own gruesome injuries. It was bizarre and more than a little distressing.

“But being the world number one hero is a journey of self-sacrifice. You have to give your entire being, 100 per cent, and then even more than that. That was the path I chose,” All Might spoke with the fiery conviction that had won the imagination of the entire world. Deku leaned in, eyes shining with the reflected embers of his master's words.

“But...sometimes, I question the choice I made back then,,” All Might said, slumping hard against the tree and hiding his face in the bangs of his hair.”

Izuku could not believe what he just heard. ”What?”

“I never really tried to balance a professional life with much of a personal one. I wasn’t really motivated to. But perhaps I could have if I tried hard enough,” All Might explained. “There was...were users of One for All who did have romantic lives. I don’t know all the specifics, but it can be done.” “Huh, that's...interesting,” Izuku responded, stroking his chin in consideration. “I don’t mean to be rude or anything but...did any of them ever make it as far as you did though?” To Izuku’s surprise, All Might laughed at the question. Izuku noticed his mentor looked a little flushed as the man scratched the back of his head. “Well, since One For All accumulates power over time, none of them necessarily had the opportunity to be quite as strong as me. As they say, we stand on the shoulders of giants,” All Might explained. “But no, I suppose none quite achieved the top in the way I did.”

“But if I want to get to that same summit,” Izuku mumbled into his hand, still loud enough to hear. “Shouldn’t I try to stay focused on that alone? I don’t know how I could work in a relationship.” All Might sighed, shaking his head. “It’s good to see you so dedicated. But regardless of whether or not mine is the only way to the top, you should keep something important in mind.” “Oh, what’s that?” All Might actually managed a small smile. “You’re sixteen.” Izuku was again caught off guard. Was he...was he telling him to ease up? Evidently, talking romance was bringing a lot of surprises out of his mentor. “What do you mean by that?” Izuku asked, enthralled in the conversation but still lost as to what he should do. “You’re incredibly hard-working, young Midoriya. It’s admirable. But it’s a long way you have to go,” All Might said turning his head to face his pupil. “You don’t have to completely give up your youth to follow in my footsteps. It’s not something I ever wanted to rob you of.” Izuku stared into the grim-looking face of his mentor, trying to find an understanding there. This kind of conversation threw him for a loop. It didn’t make much sense to him. Sure, he kept himself busy and training was draining. But it’s not like he didn’t get to do semi-normal teenager things with his classmates once in a while. They goofed off and played around plenty. Dorm life had given him even more of those opportunities, when it wasn’t complete chaos anyway. And yet... With his internship under Nighteye in full swing, his time was strained more and more. Between that and extra training, he would often get back to the dorms late and without energy to do much of anything. He hardly saw Uraraka out of class, a sad change of pace from walking home together nearly every day. And he knew as years went by, his workload probably wasn’t going to get any lighter. Maybe All Might had a point. A point that temporarily stayed his tongue. He needed to put more thought into this. “But I...I don’t even really know…if I want to...if I even could...date her.” “It’s fine if you don’t. Ultimately, it’s your decision and I’ll try to support you no matter what it is. You’ve earned it,” All Might spoke with sincerity, smiling at Izuku in earnest. “But try not to let your training schedule be the sole difference in what you do. I won’t mind if you ease up because I know you’ll follow through somehow. And it might not be as hard as you think.” Izuku wracked his mind considering that. His teacher had basically given him the go-ahead to pursue his crush if he so wanted. A big if, all told, for a myriad of reasons. He had no idea if she felt the same way. He didn’t know the first thing about dating. And he was clueless as to how he would even approach trying to ask Uraraka out on a date. He was still lost when it came to love, in a lot of ways. But, if he didn’t worry about training so much, the horizon might be a little bit clearer. He could appreciate that much. “Thank you, sir,” Izuku eventually managed to get it out. “I think that helped me quite a bit.” “You’re welcome,” All Might said, nodding. “I can see why this is giving you so much trouble. Miss Uraraka is a lovely girl.” “WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THAT?!” Izuku sputtered, face on fire as he waved his arms in denial. “This - it’s just - hypothetical because I…!” “Oh, sorry, It’s just I see the two of you together I sometimes and it seemed kind of obvious knowing the way you two interact. Is it some other girl?” Izuku halted his rambling before trying to think up an excuse on the fly. His mind went blank as part of it filled with the mist that was Ochako Uraraka. There was no girl he could think of that made him feel the same way in that moment. “No, it isn’t,” Izuku groaned in defeat, his head rolling downward. “Is it really that obvious?” All Might laughed. “Well, let’s just say most of the teachers have noticed, at least.” Izuku grumbled at the thought, letting the back of his head bang against the hard tree. He did not like the idea of his teachers eyeing his relationship with Uraraka in that way - especially not before even he himself did. But it was a minor concern before the more immediate one of what to do about Uraraka herself. He needed to think it through more, but the encouragement of his mentor made him more than a little warm to the idea. He managed a smile as he let himself think about what it might be like to be with her that way. It was scary but the thought of it made his heart flutter pleasantly. Uraraka was a wonderful person. A part of him would love nothing more than to try to go out with her. But there was a lot of things to consider; most of all, her own feelings toward him. Izuku took a deep breath. He could save his internal dialogue for later and hopefully focus on his training, content with the knowledge that maybe he could actually give this relationship consideration. But for now, he had some work to do. “So can we-” “Wait, Midoriya,” All Might held up a hand as Izuku turned toward him. Suddenly, the man was shaking, sweating and looking distinctly like he wanted to run away. Izuu look at him, perplexed. What had happened? “Uh...yes?” “You...you said your father wasn’t really around much, right?” All Might spoke slowly, eyes darting around and unable to look at Midoriya directly. The boy frowned at the uncomfortable topic but had long since grown out of getting too upset by the fact. “Yeah, I haven’t seen him in a long time. Why do you ask?” “Well…” All Might grunted as he tugged at his collar slightly. “Has anybody given you...the talk yet?” “...What one are you talking about, exactly?” Izuku was put on edge by his mentor’s unease and sat up a little straighter.

“Well...you know….you see, there comes a time in a man’s life where he has...feelings...that might seem a little weird at first and…” “YES I DO NOT NEED TO HEAR THAT!” Izuku shouted and his face went completely red. He covered his ears as a precaution because he did not want to hear his hero talk to him about sex. “I...kind of picked that sort of stuff up online already. My mom kind of filled in the rest there not long ago.”

“Oh...oh good, that’s good!” All Might spoke cheerily with a false smile, before breathing out a sigh of relief. “Just make sure you take proper precautions if you-” “I WILL IF IT EVER COMES TO THAT WHICH IT WON’T!” Izuku sprung up and started stretching to distract himself. And prevent himself from running away, screaming in horror. “Can we get back to training now?” “Yes, that might be a good idea.” Stumbling past the awkwardness of the moment, Izuku followed behind his master. The protege got himself into a ready position and charged up his quirk. It came surprisingly easy to Izuku. As he pushed the limits of his quirk, he looked back up at All Might, who watched him with a smile of surety. The little gnawing at the back of his mind was gone, his heart resting assured that its opportunity would come. Izuku knew the future was dangerous and uncertain. But he felt just a little bit better knowing he had All Might looking after him. Smirking, Izuku leapt high into the air with his One-For-All powered legs. He twisted, kicking his legs rapidly in his own signature style. It just reminded him further. On his road to the top, he could blaze a new trail for himself. And just maybe, find love along the way.

AN: Written for IzuOcha Week Day 5: Growing Feelings/Admiration.

Thank you to RumpCrunch for help editing and thank you for all the support on these fics.!

#IzuOchaWeek #IzuOchaWeek2017 #IzuOcha #midoriya izuku #uraraka ochako #all might #my hero academia #boko no hero academia #fanfiction #fanfic #oneshot #DadMight #Giving his children good advice #DadMight to the rescue

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dustydreamsanddirtyscars · 7 years ago

Note

i follow a lot of meta writers who say dean's story doesn't make sense without destiel. for example, amara was about exposing how dean felt about cas; the heart stuff how she found dean by touching cas' heart follow your heart all that. i ship destiel but don't think it will be endgame (wish it would be honestly). can i ask what do you think dean's story is without a destiel exposition? Do the amara and MoC and Mary story lines make sense without it? What is Dean's personal story and endgame?

Dear anon,

first and foremost what I want to emphasize going into this reply is that people can take away whatever they want from the show and read it in a way that suits their viewing of what happens on screen. All of what we see in those 45 minutes of television is influenced and shaped by our own experiences and interests, by the things that speak to us and move us or the aspects and topics we deem important. For that very reason readings and views will always differ simply because we all have our own focus. Things that stand out to one person, aren’t important for another for the sole reason that we tend to latch onto and project what moves us most into the narrative and analyze what plays out in the episode accordingly. What I mean is: it’s natural to disagree, there isn’t such a thing as ONE and ONLY ONE RIGHT reading. And there is nothing shameful or wrong about disagreeing with someone else, it’s all about how one expresses those differences of opinion. No one is better or worse or stupid for not seeing what someone else may see that doesn’t fit to your personal impression and perception of the show. In short: Live and let live.

The reason I am prefacing my reply with this long, more general ramble is due to the fact that I feel the fighting within the fandom over “right ways of reading and watching the show” or “people being too stupid to realize the show is saying this and this and not that and that” has gotten to a ridiculous and toxic point in which tolerance is lacking all around and on all sides and is seriously tiring to me, because it is just mind baffling to me why people can’t just be happy with what they read and see in the show and share it with the ones who see it similarly, but have to force their views on everybody else and get nasty over people having another view and takeaway than them and throwing around insults like there is no tomorrow.

With that all out of the way, let me tell you my view on Dean’s story. And just to make that clear from the get go :) no, I don’t think Dean’s story only makes sense when taking Deancas into account. It’s alright for me, if people argue that and feel that way, but to me it’s simply not the case and also imo takes away from Dean as a character in his own right.

I enjoy(ed) Deancas and like interactions between Dean and Castiel (though tbh since S11 to me a lot has changed and I no longer feel passionate or strongly about them, because to me the writers and how they handle the relationship atm is just too hollow and soulless for my taste, it simply no longer has the depth and “spark” for lack of a better word that it used to have in seasons prior, which still speak to me and move me when it comes to these two characters), but I do truly take issues with people arguing that Dean or his story only makes sense in relation to Castiel. I have the same issues with people arguing that Dean’s story and Dean only makes sense in relation to Sam. Of course both people are relevant to Dean’s story, but to me another person/characters should never be the most important thing about another character. So yeah, both of these viewings are the same to me in their essence, because in both cases it discredits Dean as a character in his own right in measures and ways I personally find very sad, because it belittles Dean. And Dean is much more than the people he loves (and this actually one aspect that is actually part of the show for Dean to realize) and that is kind of one of the main things that I personally feel relevant for Dean’s arc and possible endgame: seeing himself as worthy and important unrelated to any other person/character.

[[This week’s episode imo has highlighted a great deal how I personally see Dean’s story spanning from the first season onwards and what his struggles were and are that need to be overcome for him to be happy (if you browse my 13x03gif tag you’ll find all the meta I already wrote on the topic).]]

It may be for the very reason that Dean always puts others first and worries about them that people tend to see Dean only as an extension to another character. To me personally therefore one of the main things that has been explored heavily all throughout Carver Era and with that the Moc and Amara arc is addressing how “unfree” Dean has been all his life and how he has never truly listened or maybe even truly found out what he himself wants and is without the people he “cares for” (that is btw one huge point that was made in this week’s episode when Kelly told Jack that he didn’t have to be like his mother or father, but just himself and how this drastically differs to Dean who has been both unwanted - see meta and gifs for that here), because that very aspect - Dean thinking he needs to be this or that (mother, father and brother from age 4 onwards - as he himself openly now emphasized wasn’t fair) - has become Dean’s entire “reason for existence”. He thinks of himself as only useful when he can be of service and that is one tragic and horrible way not only of thinking about yourself (as unworthy, etc.), but also to live, because as the show has highlighted again and again when Dean feels like he cannot be of help, he thinks he lacks a reason to live and slips even further into a depression that is always glowering there just underneath the surface.

Due to all of what I mentioned just yet, I personally find it highly unfortunate that some people tend to make Dean all about Sam or Cas, because it falls completely in the trap that causes Dean so many issues since he himself only views himself as an extension to someone else, but that by no means means that that is right - quite the opposite. And that is also one of the many issues I have with Dabb’s showrunning and S12 in particular as in seasons prior the narrative addressed the discrepancy of Dean feeling like he matters least, etc. but that the characters around him constantly showed that that is not the case, but only something happening inside Dean’s head. Now S12 blatantly made it text that Dean does indeed not matter himself and I will never not be absolutely disgusted about that, because throughout the entire season we saw Dean put down, his emotions ignored, lied to (really, the way the season started, Mary trampling all over her son, is so emblematic of what happened throughout the entire season as well) and none of the treatment he experienced got corrected in the end, but Dabb friggin decided that it is a stellar idea to have Dean only briefly express how his mother’s death shaped him and messed him up (and yes, I get that it is in line with who Dean is and how he thinks so little of himself and putsothers traumas and needs first while ignoring his own, because they seem less important - see how that narrative thread runs through the whole show?) but that ultimately Dean as a person once more would disappear by making it all about Sam and talking about how Sam suffered (never mind Dean did and does too) and it also only then that his friggin mother is showing any kind of interest in her son. Only when her one son talks about the other son. Yeah, nice work there. But really, what took the cake for me with all that was how Mary didn’t even wrap Dean into a hug when he fucking saved her, but she opts to fall into Sam’s arms. Sorry, but gahhhh, I’ll never not be epicly pissed off about this.

Considering all this I am not surprised when people tend to think Dean has no story of his own or that it doesn’t make sense without Deancas or Sam on the other hand, but to me as someone who is most interested in each character in their own right much more than in any possible pairing, it is frustrating, because you feel like you are an island and belong nowhere. But sorry, I got caught up in my disliking of S12, I’m trying to get back on track now.

So given all that and the whole aspect of Dean’s “lack of freedom” due to feelings of responsibility are a huge aspect that to me was integral in the entirety of the MoC arc and the Amara arc as to me it explored Dean’s feelings of inadequacy and showing and exploring how Dean may have always been the main symbol for “free will”, but rarely has had it himself. In that regard, and I know this may be an utterly unpopular opinion to many, I have always analyzed Dean’s MoC arc and his time as a demon as a sort of “rite of passage” that served as a setting stone for Dean’s liberation, because it was as a demon that for the first time Dean only did what he himself wanted. It’s of course just one small aspect of a much more complex overall storyline, but to me it is an integral part nonetheless. Dean wasn’t happy as a demon by a long shot, but he did only what he wanted without feeling bad about having wishes of his own.

During the MoC and Amara arc Dean’s lack of independency from the people closest to him was amplified by making Dean unable to control what happened within himself when he held the blade or was in Amara’s closer vicinity. He was other directed, a puppet that got its strings pulled and that thread has been an integral one for Dean since we saw him strung up in Hell and torn apart (literally) by ropes tearing him apart every which way. To me there couldn’t be a more fitting and sadder visual for how Dean spent his entire life: caught in the middle, trying to keep a family together that drifted apart and getting torn apart and ending up hurt and damaged by trying to keep all of it together.

So in a way Dean losing his agency to the mark and then later Amara was just the utter extreme of showing how Dean for most of his life has not lived and done what he himself wanted, but what others needed him to do. The theme is right there, right from the beginning of the show and culminates for the first time in S4 and S5 when Dean rejects to become and be what Heaven wants him to be. The same strength he showed in relation to Michael, he never was able to show when it came to things his father demanded of him for example. There is a a famous scene where Dean articulates that himself in “Sacrecrow” in S1

and it comes back up here and there across the seasons when Dean expresses that he wished he would have stood up against their father more, etc. - the entire episode 9x06 “Bad Boys” also shines a huge light on that whole topic as we get a glimpse of the Dean there, who was allowed to be just a teen without feeling burdened and responsible to join his father’s fight.

For me Dean’s entire arc spanning over the course of the show is a storyline about self discovery about coming of age and coming into his own (an no with that I don’t mean a “coming out”-story, though of course it could be worked in or rather go hand in hand with that, but Dean’s sexual liberation to me has never been an integral topic from the beginning of the show and explored deeply until now, whereas the other has - again everyone is open to disagree with me, I have no problems with anyone reading it different, but this is just my personal feeling on the matter). It’s a narrative focusing on identity for someone who has never truly had the chance to become who he would have been if he had never had to be what others needed him to be. Phew… that was a weird sentence, lol. Anybody else got a knot in their brain now? ;)

And last but not least (though frankly I could write like 10 times as much as I already did since this is such a complex question) since you bring up the heart symbolism. I don’t mean to piss anyone off, but the heart symbolism as such has been surrounding Dean long before Castiel even came into the show (and it’s one of my favorite topics aside from “Dean as a christ figure” and I’ve written countless meta on that topic - I’m gonna leave a bunch of links to metas behind the cut at the end of this meta, for anyone who is interested in talk about heart symbolism, liberation, Amara and MoC arc etc. - some may even feature Deancas, but 95% are just about Dean - it is by no means all I have written on the topic, but a good start), so to me - while I have no problem with people connect the heart symbolism in recents seasons to Castiel and Dean - they aren’t connected to another character at all, but are solely a symbol and metaphor for Dean as a character, because Dean’s heart has always been his biggest asset, but also what makes him so vulnerable. Dean is the “heart” of the show, as he serves as the PoV character. But most of all the heart symbolism surrounding Dean to me also belongs to the whole identity thread. It is also after all that Dean’s metaphorical death and re-emergence as a demon as a stepping stone to his liberation and coming of age (the healing part is still hopefully to come) is brought on by him dying by being stabbed through the heart…

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/121901277911/this-is-easier-some-more-thoughts-on-the

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/69379178845/dean-winchesters-heart-is-a-puzzle

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/131476588721/11x02-form-and-void-shes-a-miracle

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/98552189146/this-is-a-story-a-marvelous-story-full-of-love

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/87629591461/go-right-ahead-put-a-blade-through-your

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/67585667715/of-werevolves-tin-men-dean-winchester-and-his

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/110615479616/dustydreamsanddirtyscarsdeans-physical-and

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/66175602035/things-about-9x05-dog-dean-afternoon-3

http://dustydreamsanddirtyscars.tumblr.com/post/127498203661/the-original-serpent-3

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circle-tcon · 8 years ago

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Happy New Year! and Why I Haven’t Been Around.

It’s been a while.

Hey guys, it’s been a while! It’s been like… 5-6 months or so since I last posted anything? Wow, the year even changed! It’s 2017 now ~ and whelp, sorry I have been missing for all those months without even a single update.

Well, I figured I owe you guys some kind of explanation why I haven’t updated for all those months of absence.

Let’s start with the main reason why.

(Warning: it’s gonna get a little too real and might be a bit depressing at some parts, so hold onto…. something fluffy. Maybe.)

Firstly, I got a job. A full time job. A 9 to 5 kind of job that honestly, I didn’t expect to get it so soon so it threw my entire plans upside down. Suddenly, I have all these changes happening in the last 6 months that I needed to get used to so I hadn’t got the time to think about fandoms and fanfics and doujinshis.

So, since I’m on full time for 5 days a week, I am generally spent by the time weekend comes along (not to mention my family and friends drag me out for some quality spending time). And all I want to do is rest.

Second. I haven’t mentioned anything about this, but I’ve been doing some mental recovery since I’ve been in depression for the first half of 2016. I went to therapy, got a counselling session and tried my best to come up with methods to control my state of mind.

It was a really bad time for me.

It think the darkest state I’ve ever been in (mind you I’ve never lost a family member before so I can only get that dark so far), and the majority of it was due to the stress I was dealing in my last school. It had a very demanding schedule and workload, tons of criticism; was exhausted mentally and physically. Even after I graduated, the depression continued for few months more.

I needed to stop everything else and focus on recovery, because it ate at me and I was behaving badly to people around me. I cannot describe this properly in details nor do I want to because… I do not want to show you a bad time (hehe). I am much better now. I’ve worked on myself for months and I am now able to control my thoughts, even though there are still the occasional slips.

Third, well. With all the blank periods I went through, it’s a little hard to get into the works again, like… I haven’t relived KnB for such a long time, it’s difficult for me to ‘get into’ the mood again.

It might take some warming up to start writing again. But alas, if I can write BC after 2 years of not writing a single word, I ‘probably’ can start writing again, hahaha. But the main problem if I have the time to write at all. It’s hard to maintain the same quality of writing when you’re not allowed the sufficient hours to spend on it like it used to be. Like… how can I write 10K-25K words per chapter with only 2 days out of a week??? Yeah…. not going to be that extreme I think. That shit is mad.

Also I kinda forgot what kind of stuff I was writing about. I need to re-read my own fanfics (the irony) if I want to continue.

What other changes do I have? Well, my friend totally got me hooked on Haikyuu and that’s really, really bad for me (the itches are real!).

Also the doujinshis. *sighs* I really do not know if I can continue them atm? I mean, I need to arrange all sorts of things if I want to go back to this side. I don’t know yet, I’ll give you guys update on them whenever I can.

For now, that’s all I want to say about this. I hope you guys understand that I was missing for a good reason (and I am totally not dead).

Thank you and Happy New Year 2017! Good bye, 2016! You were shitty AF.

Love & Hugs,

TCon

P.S.: Sorry for all the messages I didn’t reply to cos I haven’t logged in for like…. the entire time I last updated something. It’s not you. It’s me.

#my post #update #i have no idea why i still have followers after this stint

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jeenabean · 5 years ago

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3/30/2020

This quarantine shit is killing me.. its been two weeks, everyone is stuck at home unless theyre able to work- or from home. Im finishing off my last semester of college doing online classes lol. Im not working, but I have a few phone interviews tomorrow/this week. Im also so set on police dispatch.. lets see where that goes.

Joao ended things once again on Friday night 3/27/2020. He said I was overwhelming and I trip off everything.. Well he was never invested this time around and I just FELT it. Such a change from before, we would talk everyday but the level of excitement or interest on his end just wasnt like before. He would take HOURS to reply, when we were together it didnt feel like he cared much. He didnt see anything out of this in the long run, and yet I cant help but want to try and still have hope? I feel so hurt because he just blatantly left me and is acting like im a bother.. well, hes saying im doing the most regarding all this atm. It sucks all this is happening during quarantine, but this is the best time for me to face my feelings and just GROW through this experience. I am also considering the therapist Aida referred me.. just gotta get my money right first. I think therapy will definitely help me, not just with relationships or the breakup with Joao, but my friendships as well. im not sure what to do with all these feelings and hurt I have. I overly expressed myself to him yesterday and all he could say was that he was sorry things didnt end the way I wanted them to. I kept asking on whether we would be something again down the road, and if me trying would be a waste of effort. He said he cant say no because he doesnt know, and if it happens great. But he said for me to not focus on that because hes not focused on anything regarding being with someone. I just want to know where everything went left from when we first started?? Things were soo good...the moment I went on a first date with him, I knew he was the one. I never felt that way about someone before, and I dont know if this is me losing my first real love? Is it real love if he never reciprocated those feelings back? Why do I love someone who never felt the same way as me... Why am I okay with settling for someone who doesnt see how extraordinary of a person I am? yes I can be extreme, and over emotional at times, and he couldnt handle that..He said he doesnt see that being the best fit for him in the long run and hes non emotional and I need someone who is. if those words werent enough for me to stop trying... idk what is? Because at this point im questioning myself on why im tolerating this kind of treatment. The moment someone shows me that they dont want me, I have to gracefully walk away. I dont know why I always push and want to prevent them from leaving me.. what is it that im lacking with myself that is causing me to be so desperate and act this way? I am kind of embarrassed for over extending myself to Joao these past few days and professing how much I love and care about him (when he knows this already)... and he simply didnt show that me telling him these things were enough to keep him around. Starting tomorrow I am not going to reach out, and I am gracefully letting go and letting the universe handle things I cannot control.... I think personally he was done with my bullshit like he said, but also he just didnt see himself with me ever. I dont really believe the whole im not trying to be with someone speech, because dude is almost 29 and has a woman in his life that wants everything with him, and he doesnt. At this point I think he just doesnt want it with ME. And that is something I have to come to terms with. I feel like I end up messing things up with everyone, and I think I need to really work on myself and my abandonment issues and not projecting that onto the next person I meet.... life is a fuckin rollercoaster. But I still love and miss him everyday and its been like this since the moment I met him. I dont know what other person would do this.

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clarenceomoore · 7 years ago

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Will We Really Lose Half our Jobs to Automation?

The following is an excerpt from GigaOm publisher Byron Reese’s new book, The Fourth Age: Smart Robots, Conscious Computers, and the Future of Humanity. You can purchase the book here.

The Fourth Age explores the implications of automation and AI on humanity, and has been described by Ethernet inventor and 3Com founder Bob Metcalfe as framing “the deepest questions of our time in clear language that invites the reader to make their own choices. Using 100,000 years of human history as his guide, he explores the issues around artificial general intelligence, robots, consciousness, automation, the end of work, abundance, and immortality.”

One of those deep questions of our time:

When the topic of automation and AI comes up, one of the chief concerns is always technology’s potential impact on jobs. Many fear that with the introduction of wide-scale automation, there will be no more jobs left for humans. But is it really that dire? In this excerpt from The Fourth Age, Byron Reese explores the prospect of massive job loss due to automation.

The “jobs will be destroyed too quickly” argument is an old one as well. In 1930, the economist John Maynard Keynes voiced it by saying, “We are being a afflicted with a new disease . . . technological unemployment. This means unemployment due to our discovery of means of economising the use of labour outrunning the pace at which we can find new uses for labour.”

In 1978, New Scientist repeated the concern:

The relationship between technology and employment opportunities most commonly considered and discussed is, of course the tendency for technology to be labour-saving and thus eliminate employment opportunities—if not actual jobs.

In 1995, the refrain was still the name. David F. Noble wrote in Progress without People:

Computer-aided manufacturing, robotics, computer inventories, automated switchboards and tellers, telecommunication technologies—all have been used to displace and replace people, to enable employers to reduce labour costs, contract-out, relocate operations.

But is it true now? Will new technology destroy the current jobs too quickly?

A number of studies have tried to answer this question directly. One of the very finest and certainly the most quoted was published in 2013 by Carl Benedikt Frey and Michael A. Osborne, both of Oxford University. The report, titled The Future of Employment, is seventy-two pages long, but what has been referenced most frequently in the media is a single ten-word phrase: “about 47 percent of total US employment is at risk.” Hey, who needs more than that? It made for juicy and salacious headlines, to be sure. It seemed as if every news source screamed a variant of “Half of US Jobs Will Be Taken by Computers in Twenty Years.”

If we really are going to lose half our jobs in twenty years, well, then the New York Times should dust off the giant type it used back in 1969 when it printed “MEN WALK ON MOON” and report the story on the front page with equal emphasis. But that is not actually what Frey and Osborne wrote. Toward the end of the report, they provide a four-hundred-word description of some of the limitations of the study’s methodology. They state that “we make no attempt to estimate how many jobs will actually be automated. The actual extent and pace of computerisation will depend on several additional factors which were left unaccounted for.”

So what’s with the 47 percent figure? What they said is that some tasks within 47 percent of jobs will be automated. Well, there is nothing terribly shocking about that at all. Pretty much every job there is has had tasks within it automated. But the job remains. It is just different.

For instance, Frey and Osborne give the following jobs a 65 percent or better chance of being computerized: social science research assistants, atmospheric and space scientists, and pharmacy aides. So what does this mean? Social science professors will no longer have research assistants? Of course they will. They will just do different things, because much of what they do today will be automated. There won’t be any more space scientists? Pharmacists will no longer have anyone helping them?

Frey and Osborne say that the tasks of a barber have an 80 percent chance of being taken over by AI or robots. In their category of jobs with a 90 percent or higher chance of certain tasks being computerized are tour guides and carpenters’ helpers.

The disconnect is clear: some of what a carpenter’s helper does will get automated, but the carpenter helper job won’t vanish; it will morph, as almost everyone else’s job will, from architect to zoologist. Sure, your iPhone can be a tour guide, but that won’t make tour guides vanish.

Anyone who took the time to read past the introduction to The Future of Employment saw this. And to be clear, Frey and Osborne were very up-front. They stated, in scholar-speak, the following:

We do not capture any within-occupation variation resulting from the computerisation of tasks that simply free-up time for human labour to perform other tasks.

In response to the Frey and Osborne paper, the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), an intergovernmental economic organization made up of nations committed to free markets and democracy, released a report in 2016 that directly counters it. In this report, entitled The Risk of Automation for Jobs in OECD Countries, the authors apply a “whole job” methodology and come up with the percent of jobs potentially lost to computerization as 9 percent. That is pretty normal churn for the economy.

At the end of 2015, McKinsey & Company published a report entitled Four Fundamentals of Workplace Automation that came to similar conclusions as the OECD. But again, it had a number too provocative for the media to resist sensationalizing. The report said, “The bottom line is that 45 percent of work activities could be automated using already demonstrated technology,” which was predictably reported as variants of “45% of Jobs to Be Eliminated with Existing Technology.” Often overlooked was the fuller explanation of the report’s conclusion:

Our results to date suggest, first and foremost, that a focus on occupations is misleading. Very few occupations will be automated in their entirety in the near or medium term. Rather, certain activities are more likely to be automated, requiring entire business processes to be transformed, and jobs performed by people to be redefined, much like the bank teller’s job was redefined with the advent of ATMs.

The “47 percent [or 45 percent] of jobs will vanish” interpretation doesn’t even come close to passing the sniff test. Humans, even ones with little or no professional training, have incredible skills we hardly ever think about. Let’s look closely at two of the jobs at the very top of Frey and Osborne’s list: short-order cook and waiter. Both have 94 percent chance of being computerized.

Imagine you own a pizza restaurant that employs one cook and one waiter. A fast-talking door-to-door robot salesman manages to sell you two robots: one designed to make pizzas and one designed to take orders and deliver pizzas to tables. All you have to do is preload the food containers with the appropriate ingredients, and head off to Bermuda. The robot waiter, who understands twenty languages, takes orders with amazing accuracy, and flawlessly handles special requests like “I want half this, half that” and “light on the sauce.” The orders are sent to the pizza robot, who makes the pizza with speed and consistency.

Let’s check in on these two robots on their first day of work and see how things are going:

A patron spills his drink. The robots haven’t been taught to clean up spills, since this is a surprisingly complicated task. The programmers knew this could happen, but the permutations of what could be spilled and where were too hard to deal with. They promised to include it in a future release, and in the meantime, to program the robot to show the customers where the cleaning supplies are kept.

A little dog, one of those yip-yips, comes yipping in and the waiter robot trips and falls down. Having no mechanism to right itself, it invokes the “I have fallen and cannot get up” protocol, which repeats that phrase over and over with an escalating tone of desperation until someone helps it up. When asked about this problem, the programmers reply, snappishly, that “it’s on the list.”

Maggots get in the shredded cheese. Maggoty pizza is served to the patrons. All the robot is trained to do with customers unhappy with their orders is to remake their pizzas. More maggots. The robots don’t even know what maggots are.

A well-meaning pair of Boy Scouts pop in to ask if the pipe jutting out of the roof should be emitting smoke. They say they hadn’t noticed it before. Should it be? How would the robot know?

A not-well-meaning pair of boys come in and order a “pizza with no crust” to see if the robots would try to make it and ruin the oven. After that, they order a pizza with double crust and another one with twenty times the normal amount of sauce. Given that they are both wearing Richard Nixon masks, the usual protocol of taking photographs of troublesome patrons doesn’t work and results only in a franchise-wide ban of Richard Nixon at affiliated restaurants.

A patron begins choking on a pepperoni. Thinking he must be trying to order something, the robot keeps asking him to restate his request. The patron ends up dying right there at his table. After seeing no motion from him for half an hour, the robot repeatedly runs its “Sleeping Patron” protocol, which involves poking the customer and saying, “Excuse me sir, please wake up” repeatedly.

The fire marshal shows up, seeing the odd smoke from the pipe in the roof, which he hadn’t noticed before. Upon discovering maggot-infested pizza and a dead patron being repeatedly poked by a robot, he shuts the whole place down. Meanwhile, you haven’t even boarded your flight to Bermuda.

This scenario is, of course, just the beginning. The range of things the robot waiter and cook can’t do is enough to provide sitcom material for ten seasons, with a couple of Christmas specials thrown in. The point is that those who think so-called low-skilled humans are easy targets for robot replacement haven’t fully realized what a magnificently versatile thing any human being is and how our most advanced electronics are little more than glorified toaster ovens.

While it is clear that we will see ever-faster technological advances, it is unlikely that they will be different enough in nature to buck our two-hundred-year run of plenty of jobs and rising wages. In one sense, no technology really compares to mechanization, electricity, or steam engines in impact on labor. And those were a huge win for both workers and the overall economy, even though they were incredibly disruptive.

To read more of GigaOm publisher Byron Reese’s new book, The Fourth Age: Smart Robots, Conscious Computers, and the Future of Humanity, you can purchase it here.

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pomegranates-and-blood · 4 years ago

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The Cursed

My Masterlist

Pairing: No specific ones (other than canon Aslaug/Ragnar)

Summary: “I was wondering if you could write a modern reader from like 2020 meeting Ragnar, Auslaug, Largertha, and the Ragnarssons. I was thinking that reader got thrown back in time somehow (if that makes sense) and I don’t mind if it’s romantic or platonic for any of them. And reader meets them all at the same time somehow.”

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: None that I can think of

A/N: I’m sorry it took me so long anon.

So, I have a horrible sleep schedue atm and I don’t know what words are anymore. Enjoy this fever dream of a fic, thank you for reading.

I do not know much (if anything) about runes, so I apologize in advance. The ones mentioned here are, in order: ᛒ (to mean birth, liberation), ᚨ (Odin, wisdom) and ᚹ (harmony, kinship)

Again, their meaning is just what the sources I handled had on it, and it was just the internet, y’know? I would love a book recommendation on divination in Viking times, if anyone knows of any good one.

Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius @xbellaxcarolinax @1950schick @ietss @peachyboneless @encounterthepast @maggiescarborough @chibisgotovalhalla

His head is covered in a dark hood, and though you can see his mouth, the beard withered by age, the man keeps his head lowered and refuses to meet your eye as you enter.

“You’re here with questions.” The man states, playing with a small piece in his hand, flicking it between his fingers like who toys with a coin.

“I always have questions.”

He smiles, the tracing of a scar on his cheek stretching with the movement.

“Mhm. Time curses you, child, so I suggest you make haste and ask.”

“Time curses me?”

He stops playing with the small piece in his hand, tilts his head to the side, “You doubt it?”

“Yes,” You reply emphatically, frowning at him. “There’s no such thing as curses.”

“Isn’t there?”

“Stop answering my questions with more questions.”

“Why should I?”

You bite back a groan at the insufferable man’s smug grin, and try again, “Alright, fine I’m cursed. Should I expect warts on my face? A perpetual dark cloud?”

“Don’t mock me, child.”

You cannot bite back the smile, “Will you curse me if I do?”

He slams with one inked finger the piece he was playing with against the table between you, and you notice it to be a small rectangular piece of what looks like bone, with a small, angular ‘B’ carved on it.

“I told you, time already curses you,” The man sighs, and leans back, leaving you to study the small piece he showed you. “And all souls are cursed, though with a different burden. Knowledge, legacy, indefiniteness, irrelevance, pain, life, time.”

You force your eyes to part from that small piece of bone, and lift your gaze to him, finally relenting.

“I’m listening.”

“No,” He states, resolute. You lift your eyebrows, but the man only smiles again, “You’re learning.”

____

Someone shakes your shoulder, and you groan, both at their insistence you return to the world of the living and at the pain that threatens to split your head in two.

“Get up, the Queen calls for you.”

“The what?” You mutter, sitting up on the hard bed. You open your eyes to find a girl dressed in a heavy-looking dress, with braids keeping her wild hair off her face.

“The Queen, you daft woman,” She insists with a smile, as if you are friends, as if you know her. “Don’t keep her waiting, get up.”

You go through the motions of getting up, only too late realizing the sounds you hear, the voices that reach you, are not familiar at all. Even the sounds that come out of her mouth aren’t familiar.

“How do I-…?” You try speaking your language, but that strange gibberish comes out. You cover your mouth with your hand, wide eyes searching the nothingness, and the girl turns around.

“What’s the matter with you, huh?” She asks, again gibberish, but you understand her.

“This is…this isn’t my home, where-…there’s something wrong,” You turn around, searching the worn wood of the walls for a sign, and in the bed you were sleeping on there’s a small piece of bone. That damn letter ‘B’. Fuck. “I’m insane,” You tell yourself, turning wide eyes to the girl as if she could have any answer, “Wh-Where am I?”

She says nothing, only takes you by the arm and tries guiding you out the door. You have half a mind to let her, but in a frantic movement you reach for the small bone and clasp it tight in your hand before letting her guide you to the longhouse.

She greets a woman that sits with her back straight and her eyes all-seeing on a throne, and leaves you there, alone, before her.

“Your eyes are strange,” The tall woman says, eyes lined with a thick line of black kohl looking over you, focusing on your own eyes. “Come closer.”

You do so, shaking legs carrying you to her, trying with all of your strength not to focus on the thrones behind her.

She grabs your chin with cold fingers, looks deep into your eyes and makes you feel she’s looking into your soul. Invasive, really. If you weren’t so fucking terrified, you might have tried saying something.

“Mother?” A deep voice calls from behind you, but neither you or the woman, the…the Queen move.

“You’ve been touched by the Gods. You’re-…” She stops herself, and lifts her gaze to look over your shoulder and smiles, warm and motherly, “Ah, Ubbe. You talked with your father?”

You turn to meet the piercing blue eyes of a tall man with long hair that trails down his back, shaved sides. His eyes are trained on yours, before he offers his mother a nod.

“Yes. What’s wrong with her?” The man asks, and another man walks in from behind him, biting into an apple and looking you over with a strange sort of detached curiosity. The older man ignores him, and insists, “They say she woke up blabbering about the world being wrong, that she’s gone crazy.”

“She’s not crazy, she’s just…the Gods have touched her eyes.” The Queen states, her hand almost protective when it settles on your shoulder. It somewhat helps you stop shaking.

The tall man, Ubbe, offers you a smile you think in a less threatening-looking man would be comforting, “You’re a friend of the sons of Ragnar, we more than many know of the way the Gods touch our lives. There’s nothing to fear.”

The Queen lowers her voice and speaks directly to you, “We will talk later. You should go with my sons, eat something.”

The man that chews on the apple, leaning one shoulder on a wooden pillar looks at you and offers you a reassuring smile, or an attempt at it anyways, mouth full and all.

You bite down fear, and approach him.

What’s the worst that could happen?

Maybe if they decide to cut off your head just for the hell of it, you’ll wake up. Right?

The men she called Ubbe and Hvitserk guide you through dark and tall halls towards a well lit and ample room where a long table and plenty of food sit.

Two men that were arguing with one another turn to you when you enter, sharing a glance between them and focusing pale eyes on you. The blond of long hair looks you over with curiosity, the hint of empathy in his eyes. The other one, with dark hair and piercing blue eyes, so alike the ones of the man they call Ubbe, looks at you like a beast that’s planning on attacking, and it makes your throat dry.

Fuck, you’re really going to die here, aren’t you?

Well, at least you’ll die surrounded by attractive men. That’s heaven to some people, right?

You sit stiffly on the table, and the blond breaks the silence.

“What’s with her?”

Ubbe shrugs, “Mother says the Gods have touched her eyes, that she’s…different than she was last night.”

You turn your gaze to your plate, content that at least the piece of lamb in front of you is familiar. After carefully looking over the men -Princes, you suppose?- and how they eat, you decide picking the small pieces off the bone with your fingers isn’t that inappropriate, apparently, and set to eating.

“What did you do to her?” The blonde presses, tone angrier.

The Prince of short dark hair frowns, “Me? Why would I do something to her, huh?”

“You were with her last night,” His brother doesn’t hesitate in accusing, making the other man grow angrier, “You’re crazy, maybe you made her crazy too.”

You almost want to argue that you’re very much not crazy, thank you very much, but instead just watch with wide eyes as the two brothers start arguing.

You don’t hear most of what they are yelling at one another, but you do notice they all hold their breath when the short-haired one with piercing eyes leans his arms on the table, and seems to drag himself into a standing position.

Your eye the man’s legs, and notice they are bound together, and he can’t lean on them, as if he’s paralyzed.

Standing up doesn’t seam the smartest choice, and the world -strange as this one is- proves you right when he falls back into his chair with a grunt of pain.

The cruelly delighted smile on the blond Prince’s lips unsettles you.

Their ruckus, their argument, is ended when two figures walk through the doors towards the room.

You notice how the Queen passes by her eldest and touches his shoulder with affection, shares a smile with the one they call Hvitserk, and sits at the side of Ivar. You notice Sigurd’s eyes follow her with resentment, with anguish.

You don’t have time to dwell on it, because a tall and imposing man strides his way to you without hesitation, his walk that of either an insane man or a dead one.

The man leans close to you, one hand on the back of your chair, a strange air of deadliness and fragility in his crazed and sad eyes.

“You are a burdened one, or so my wife says,” He spares a fake smile that looks like a grimace to the Queen. He leans even closer to you, mouth by your ear and nose almost pushing into your hair as he breathes, “Is this world the wrong one for you too?”

You speak for the first time since you realized the words leaving your lips were in a language you didn’t know but still understood.

“More than I could say.”

He huffs a breath that could have in another world been a laugh, and leans back, walking confidently to the Queen and sitting at her side.

And so you sit there and eat, and watch and listen as they interact. And so you start feeling a little less insane with each moment you can breathe in of this strange world.

The day goes on, and you don’t wake up. With each passing hour, even if you have no way of counting those, your heart settles, and your breathing grows easier, and you can almost call familiar the life whoever they confuse you with lived.

Night falls, and when you walk the streets towards the place you woke up in, you catch sight of a figure in a small clearing overlooking the hills. The King.

His back is turned to you, and his eyes seem to be focused on the horizon, but he turns his head to the side and calls out your name. It still sounds so strange in these people’s lips.

“Come closer, I won’t hurt you.” He asks, a smile that disappears after a moment on his lips. When you do, his gaze returns ahead, silently telling you to do the same.

In the distance, you see what looks like a figure forming before your eyes. The distant cackle of a raven, and there’s a man over those hills, hooded cloak overing him and a walking stick in his hand.

Even in all the space that separates you, you feel his eye set on you.

The King takes a deep breath, and you have half a mind to ask if he sees him too when he starts, “Between mind and memory, tell me, what would you rather lose?”

You meet the eye of the man in the distance, and two of the ravens that flock around him approach you. You cannot help but follow them with your eyes, craning your head back to watch their black wings and their contrast against the night sky.

The sky that, when the dark wings that for a heartbeat obscured it pass, is a familiar one.

____

You find him, of course you do. You don’t have a choice, it’s either finding that man or accepting you’ve lost your mind. You woke up in a world that, while familiar, it was somehow strange too; after...after knowing of the other one, of the other life.

He welcomes you with the same knowing smile, and this time you find yourself smiling back.

“You return. And with even more questions.”

“What was that?”

“What was what?”

“Gods, please don’t start this again,” You snarl, settling on the seat across from him and leaning closer, resting your elbows on your knees. “What…what did I see?”

“I told you that you were going to learn.”

“So a-a lesson?”

“Was it a lesson to you?”

You bit back irritation at the way he continues to answer with more fucking questions, and press, “On what?”

“To each soul a curse means a different thing. You learned that, didn’t you, child?”

You can see clear in your mind’s eye the faces you saw, the people you met, the stories you were granted a glimpse into.

“Knowledge,” You list out, “that was…the seeress, Aslaug. Legacy…legacy was Ubbe, he looks just like his father. Indefiniteness…Hvitserk?”

“He didn’t speak a word, did he? Couldn’t decide if you were the woman he knew or not. Couldn’t decide many things.”

“Pain…pain is Ivar. Irrelevance, his…his brother, Sigurd.”

The man nods, his smile widens.

“And Ragnar…” Your breath stutters past parted lips but your words die.

“Even life can be a curse.” The man finishes for you, and you nod your head dazedly, taking his words, his lesson, in.

You fetch the worn piece of bone from your pocket, trace the strange ‘P’ of the rune with a smile. You woke up with a different one on your bed, in that other world, but this one was the one that accompanied you back.

“And me? How did…how does time curse me?”

“It pulls you in two directions. It forces you to choose.” He answers without hesitation, head still lowered.

You notice he once again holds two runes in his hand, the same one he gave you that day, before all this madness, the angular ‘B’; and another, one that looks like an ‘F’ with an angle to it.

“And what can I choose?”

The man chuckles, finally looking up at you and meeting your gaze with his one eye.

“Between mind and memory, tell me, what would you rather lose?”

____

Soooo yeahhhh. I had fun writing this. That’s what counts, right? I enjoyed my little references to Huginn and Muninn, enjoyed my little ‘surprise bitch, it’s me, the big guy™. Btw, you can go back, y’know?’ at the end there, enjoyed putting this poor reader through that madness lol

I’m so sorry if I dissapointed the anon that requested this, and I’m really sorry if this sucks. I tried lol

Thank you for reading, I love you!

#vikings #vikings imagine

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babbleuk · 7 years ago

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Will We Really Lose Half our Jobs to Automation?

The following is an excerpt from GigaOm publisher Byron Reese’s new book, The Fourth Age: Smart Robots, Conscious Computers, and the Future of Humanity. You can purchase the book here.

One of those deep questions of our time:

In 1978, New Scientist repeated the concern:

In 1995, the refrain was still the name. David F. Noble wrote in Progress without People:

But is it true now? Will new technology destroy the current jobs too quickly?

Anyone who took the time to read past the introduction to The Future of Employment saw this. And to be clear, Frey and Osborne were very up-front. They stated, in scholar-speak, the following:

We do not capture any within-occupation variation resulting from the computerisation of tasks that simply free-up time for human labour to perform other tasks.

Let’s check in on these two robots on their first day of work and see how things are going:

A well-meaning pair of Boy Scouts pop in to ask if the pipe jutting out of the roof should be emitting smoke. They say they hadn’t noticed it before. Should it be? How would the robot know?

To read more of GigaOm publisher Byron Reese’s new book, The Fourth Age: Smart Robots, Conscious Computers, and the Future of Humanity, you can purchase it here.

from Gigaom https://gigaom.com/2018/05/10/will-we-really-lose-half-our-jobs-to-automation/

#Gigaom

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