#(or that i dont want to admit)

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[hiveswap]

[zan0tix]

to be seen for your humanity

[lucabyte]

Perceptive kid, I wonder just how much they pretend not to overhear.

[chiptrillino]

(ID in ALT text)

I can finally fish it out and show to you what i have been working on with @faux-fires for the zukkabigbang2024 event.

reikah wrote a wonderful fic "something stranger and more wonderful" beta red by @ranilla-bean (reikah's and rana's Ao3)

[tonydaddingham]

imagine s3 where aziraphale is scouting around a maternity hospital in newspaperman mode trying to locate the second coming born of immaculate conception round 2 electric bugaloo, goes into the next ward where he happens across a redhead doing the exact same thing but under a decidedly better disguise as an actual midwife (because of course said redhead has experience in obstetrics) but the redhead doesn't immediately notice aziraphale because he's too busy asking the new mothers if they need any shoes, until he turns around and it's just

[melljam]

gun lying through his teeth about not liking men

[bluejaybytes]

im So Normal about this game

[courfee]

“Regulus would be proud of us,” James whispered quietly to no one in particular, still gripping onto the painting like a life raft. 

— Tender Curiosities, Baby!  @otrtbs

[slavhew]

And I just have to tell you that I

Love you so much these days,

[propertyofjameswilson]

What's wrong with him?? Wait omg he actually knew that he's not just a ho but also sugardaddy Wilson's ho

[casualavocados]

The Fan family has tried to harm Bai Zongyi many times. I gotta be on guard to protect myself.

KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 10

[localgardenweed]

I think they’re crushing on each other your honor

[saltwatergoober]

Waaaa why is drawing them so hardfd!!!!!

Anyway new hyperfixation ehhehehe

[puppyeared]

beep beep im a sheep

speeddraw below the cut (audio warning)

song: "Cult of Dionysis" by The Orion Experience

[supermarketcrush]

mildly insane to me that so many people are just now saying 'i dont usually go here but' 'i've never listened to rap before but this is funny' like...i dont think "if you've never been interested in rap before you're racist" is a good or even accurate broad generalization to make but the line is also. pretty thin