#(or at least not until someone dies)
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#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#yakuza series#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza like a dragon#yakuza 7#tianyou zhao#snap sketches#did someone do this already God Probably but its too late i havent seen it so#anyway Normal Style Zhao Jumpscare he's not teeny what the fuck#wanted to draw zhao normally At Least Once before i died. lol.#ok i have class in like ten minutes im gonna stare at the wall until then bye
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Do y’all ever think about how Vegeta’s only ever mad at Freeza for what happened to his planet and he’s never mad at Freeza for what happened to him because I think about that a lot
#Like I think the anime portrays their relationship as much more abusive but Toriyama seemed to be consistent in the implication that#Freeza treated Vegeta VERY well — even Vegeta talks about his time on the frontline being voluntary and the only time he talks about being#“Worked like a slave” is to describe how Zarbon treated him. In the manga Vegeta implies Freeza usually refers to him with fond greetings#‘my dear’s and the like. Freeza was so quick to offer him a promotion in ResF and coo about Geets’ loyalty — which I think about a lot#as well — especially in terms of how totally fine Vegeta used to be with killing other saiyans but that’s another essay#Point is. I’m a huge fan of gilded cage theory. Not quite Mother Gothel levels like they’re a corporate military but I do always describe#Geets as Freeza’s favorite wardog and I think a big part of the culture shock for Vegeta having healthy relationships with people is#The idea that relationships do not have to be transactional with value based on performance — because if Freeza was always fond of Geets#In the way that King Cold is fond of Freeza (which seems true based on Freeza offering Goku Vegeta’s job right after he dies iirc) then it#For all the fucked up things that it is — was the most supportive relationship Vegeta had up until Bulma (or Gohan). At least from someone#who wasn’t dependent on him like Raditz and Nappa were — which loops back into transactional dynamics even if/though they were sincere.#What I’m saying is#The learning curve was so steep for this man and he still (hesitantly) took the offer to borrow some climbing gear and get to work#And I love him your honor what a great character#dbtag#headcanons
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they should invent a period that doesnt make me the most miserable person on earth
#personal#vent#i will never ever ever be able to pass. by the time im able to get top surgery ill probably be like 30 and the earth will have already died#i will only ever be seen as a confused girl or maybe if im lucky as a feminine man . best case scenario someone looks at me and goes#'oh theyre definitely nonbinary' but i will NEVER just . be some guy. ill never just be a person . itll always either be a label or Girl.#im not going to be able to medically transition or fuckin . go out to meet my friends or anything until i move out and i wont#be able to move out for 3 years minimum . meanwhile everyone else will be getting time to spend together and being able to live on their own#and being able to advance in careers they actually like or at least arent completely fucking miserable in and ill probably be stuck at#FUCKING WALMART the entire time because nowhere else will give me the flexible hours i need for school#my most supportive family is always going to live an hour away from me and ill never truly be able to express myself or my frustrations at#home and even if i could i cant even put half of them into words online even when im really trying the correct words are never there#i get to just sit back and watch as my friends actively fuck up their lives but at least they get to make their own decisions#and then i feel awful on top of that because i shouldnt feel envy over my friends lives . we all have it fucked Especially those in my area#im just. so tired
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First time watching Better Call Saul I was like, perpetually concerned they would make very boring choices for Jimmy/Kim's relationship so the thrill when they never Did That was just lifechanging for me
Like I initially was lukewarm about Kim's character because I was SO sure they were going to go the route where she's wholly reasonable/put-together/by the book. So that first scene where Jimmy runs her through a scam and he gives a out a fake name and you as the viewer are kinda thinking she's either just hesitantly playing along or entirely not into it, but then she calls herself 'Giselle' and starts riffing right along with him and you know she's not only playing along but 100% IN made me lose my mind. Rinse and repeat for basically the entire show
#bcs#They're legit probably my favorite fictional relationship of any tv show if not All Time#I think I'm too easily impressed by my expectations being like pleasantly subverted but whatever#Like I kept thinking they'd do a cheating subplot somewhere and NOPE or have her decide it's all too much and back out but NOPE#(or at least not until someone dies)#I LOVE that they made her just as weird and fucked up as Jimmy while constantly persuading herself she's still committed to her morals#and doing the right thing. It's such good stuff#BCS and BRBA impress me in particular just with the way it's being written as they go and turns out SO GOOD#Like the fact that Kim and Jesse respectively weren't even supposed to be major characters but turned out to be like#completely show-defining (largely due to the performances of their actors) is so cool#Or the fact that Gus was supposed to just be a background character initially???Which is honestly hard to believe#(Got through my like 10000th BRBA rewatch so I'm cycling through BCS again now)
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#sorry im thinking abt death again#because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died#that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from#time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed#i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she#died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way#my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today#for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days#and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt#future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her#last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that#and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless#others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club#i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her#stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i#dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my#family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters#probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a#full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length#unrelated
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JUSTICE FOR DAVINA CLAIRE I'M SO FUCKING SERIOUS FUCK OFF OH MY FUCKING GOD
#CAMI AND DAVINA GONE IN ONE EPISODE??!?!!??#YOU CAN'T BE FUCKING FOR REAL#(davina perma died an episode later both they both died in one episode right before that)#also this season has been slacking on marcel and the ep post-davina's death kicked him up several notches#he said all the shit i take issue with about the always and forever family bs#he hit that shit out of the park#also camille's death being all about comforting klaus fucking pissed me off#it was until she was scared right at the end that it was more about her#and her last words COULD have beenthe immortality line. but then they had to have her bolster klaus again instead#at least we got others mourning her after#but davina????#those bitchass ancestors forced her boyfriend to kill her then nearly shredded her soul#and she could've been resurrected. but of course fucking family came first#she had to die screaming for mercy alone as the ancestors tried to carve her soul from fucking existence#(and though i'm mad at elijah and freya for it it makes sense for them to do it#(what pissed me off was them and klaus then telling marcel that they were justified and he should just suck it up and understand)#(like no take the consequences let the man mourn)#(freya claiming family to kol too like girl i don't know you. and this 'family' loves you more than it ever loved me)#(y'all only love me on my deathbed)#(if being family means we kill each other's partners [which happens time and time again] then fuck being in this family)#like i don't actually want the mikaelsons dead. but also i hope super vampire marcel kills you all#hope kol gets away from you people because you are not family to him. you aren't.#but mostly davina. poor fucking davina#her and kol are my bonnie and enzo - finally finding someone who will choose them not just use them#only for death at the hand of allies#davina clair was an abused teenager you all used and who justifiably hated y'all#and she deserved more than to die like this. die basically three fucking times over still helping in the end#truly have not seen a witch this blatantly used and mistreated since the bonnie bennet#davina claire#the originals
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it sucks being an arcane fan and seeing people misunderstand marcus's character as a whole. in my eyes his scenes with his daughter are less to make us feel bad for him and are more for us to simply understand why he's still doing the shit he's doing. say whatever you want but if I had to do shady corrupted ass dealings to keep my family safe I probably would out of sheer terror, so while I fully think marcus dug his grave I can understand why he couldnt just rebel against silco. marcus as a character reminds me of the simple human fact that everyone wants to change the world but most ppl arent actually willing to sacrifice what they have to do it.
#it speaks#like it's either let your child die at the hands of a kingpin or just do what the kingpin wants and hopefully he'll keep yall alive#people love pretending that they'd jump in front of a bullet for someone but no one knows what they'd do in the actual scenario#ultimately I like marcus as a chr bcuz hes just so human. he fucks up bcuz he was trying to do what he thought was right and has to deal#with the consequences for the rest of his life#or at least until he died at the hands of silcos daughter when he was trying to protect his own#idk my thoughts on this show are just so much and so jumbled I feel like I could never explain it#but marcus's whole 'just a person trying to do what they think is right but failing' is like. the crux of the whole show#idk i'm rambling#arcane#marcus#I don't think i got a tag for him cuz no one cares enough abt him to make fanart or write meta. I care enough tho <3#love ur character marcus you made ur fuckin bed and now ur dead
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I will be forever grateful i can be on this new med. it's one a lot of folks also need and can struggle to have access to! It's important i be on it, especially if i start doing any vid collabs
(some of which, really, all of which, i unfortunately actually need to cancel that were in the preplanning stages, bc the election results have me wanting to wait and see how the general atmosphere of the country is before i agree to meet up with anyone. I feel bad for cancelling, but also i just can't know for sure how safe things are/might be going forward and I'd rather avoid the potential of. ya know. various not great things that could happen at a meet up, tho i would certainly hope they wouldn't. i don't feel like actually addressing them rn, u guys know what i mean)
That said, if the truvada initial side effects could fuck off asap would be so lovely. three weeks at worst, then they should be gone/much better or so i am told. really hope that's true bc losing my mornings to being dizzy and nauseous is Not Working for me lmao. im on week two, and now understand why my new doc said to call if i needed any 'cheerleading' and support to get thru the side effects, bc apparently she's done that for several ppl to make sure they actually make it thru the three weeks and keep on it (lovely of her!!)
#text post#not going to get into the other painful smack of this morning#suffice to say that medicaid does not in fact fully cover vocal therapy/training for trans ppl#even if ur docs feel incredibly certain it is#if i was making a decent bit over minimum wage at consistent hours and already had my current debts paid off mostly#then I'd happily consider paying the chunk Medicaid won't cover but as of now#it would literally be basically two paychecks if not three to cover the estimate for this first visit#and that's only if the poll would have us polling every week like we did before the election#otherwise we're guesstimating it would be upwards of 4 paychecks to cover it#I'm actually gonna get into in here bc nobody reads all my tag essays (fair valid and correct)#im really sad abt this. my voice gets me clocked a lot and while i can mostly handle like. visually being clocked#my voice giving me away genuinely makes me feel a pain in my chest. i can't get my customer service voice to go lower yet#and even if it's my usual voice I've made minimal progress on my own self done vocal study stuff#so like. no one knows how high it was compared to how it is now tho so no one actually hears it as anything near deep#which it isn't but like. there's been a slightly barely there drop of it per at least a couple ppl in my life#i was probably going to be able to learn how to sing again and find my new range. I'd fix my customer service voice#even if it would only ever be a teeny bit lower than how it is now. it would be lovely#im not gonna get too down tho bc someday hopefully I'll be able to make it happen/afford it#and for now...im doing the bad thing of not cancelling the appt yet#i will bc they're booking out for months and it isn't right of me to take a spot i know i can't keep#but. let me pretend i can for another day or two. maybe until monday. then I'll call or msg them on mychart#and let them know i just don't have the funds rn tho i do deeply appreciate that Medicaid at least pays part of it#im just not at a point where i can cover the rest but that I'll reschedule/have a new referral sent whenever that changes#...and hopefully things in this country will be of such a state that such care is still available to ppl like me.#but that's all we're saying on that bc im already having a pathetic little cry over this#(im fine the med side effects have me crying over everything lol i see a sad commercial and Instant Tears like someone died lmaooo)
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Putting this in it's own post to not detract but like. There is no such thing as sugar addiction.
If you aren't eating carbs/sugars, your body craves those things because it needs them. Your body depends on sugar for energy, and if you aren't consuming enough you're going to crave it so that you eat and correct the deficiency, just like with anything else your body needs.
If you are eating carbs/sugars regularly, especially if it feels like you can never get enough of them and it feels like you're addicted, please get checked out for diabetes mellitus.
What diabetes mellitus boils down to is the body being unable to process sugar, either because it doesn't make insulin (type 1) or because it can't use the insulin it makes (type 2). Insulin is a hormone the body needs in order to use the sugar in your blood. This leads to high blood sugar levels, weight gain, being thirsty often/drinking a lot of water, and frequent urination, because the body can't get the sugar out of the bloodstream so either stores it as fat or gets rid of it in urine (and has you drink a lot of water to make that happen).
Diabetics don't crave sugar because they're addicts who can't get control of themselves, they crave sugar because their body desperately needs it but is struggling to use what they're giving it, because it's having issues with insulin.
Going in for a diabetes diagnosis can be scary and stressful, usually due to the stigma and fatphobia/fatshaming diabetes patients often have to deal with. A lot of people are uneducated about diabetes and see it as a punishment for eating unhealthily, and if you have or have had this view in the past it can be really upsetting and scary to think that you might be diabetic. Despite what the stigma may have led you to believe, diabetes is often in large part genetic, and people who are predisposed to it can have it triggered by anything from stress to covid to seemingly nothing at all. But even if you did cause your diabetes or make it worse by eating a lot of sugar/carbs, you deserve compassion and you deserve care, you deserve accurate information about how your body does/doesn't work, and you deserve treatment free from judgement and blame.
Diabetes is manageable, it is something you can live with. Diet and exercise can help, but in the long term even folks who've made lifestyle changes usually need medication, because lifestyle changes don't change the fact that your body is struggling to make/use insulin.
For something relatively common, diabetes isn't well understood by most people, and the actual symptoms of it are often overlooked because of that. Hunger even after eating, especially after eating carbs/sugar, and constantly craving carbs/sugars, was what led my doctor to assess me for diabetes, so if that's something you struggle with please consider looking into diabetes.
#sugar addiction#diabetes#diabetes mellitus#disclaimer I'm not a doctor and this is my understanding of things after talking to my doctors#didn't want to detract from the person complaining about people talking about having sugar addiction on their posts#about being an addict#but also as someone who has experienced strong urges to eat sugar/carbs no matter how much I ate#and later found out it was a symptom#I wanted to make this in case there are people who are unaware that an insatiable craving for carbs/sugar can be a symptom#there's also a lot more symptoms than what I put in here#like yes it's the struggles with blood sugar disorder but it also can include things like nerve damage causing vision loss and nerve pain#so if you might be diabetic it's important to at least research it even if you don't go to a doctor#due to things like the fact that nerve damage can mean you don't notice infections/issues with your feet until they're real bad#fun fact: having diabetes is one of the most common causes/contributing factors for foot amputations#it can also lead to cardiovascular issues#Diabetic ketoacidosis is also a thing#if I understand correctly it's when your body burns fat instead of sugar which releases acidic ketones into your bloodstream#but when there's too many ketones in your blood it gets too acidic which causes problems and can be deadly#as in I know someone who almost died from it because he didn't know that his being diabetic could lead to that#I know the stigma is awful and that people can be horrible about it but please take care of yourself if you are or might be diabetic
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merlin pokemon au where arthur collects the knights instead of pokemons.
#someone draw it for me please#can you tell i got to s4 in my rewatch#let the shennanigans begin#at least until lancelot dies#merlin#merlin bbc#bbc merlin#knights of the round table#arthur pendragon#pokemon au#lol im sorry for the tag spam i just really want someone to draw it for me
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99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????
#gu6chan's musings#am i just taking the phrase too literally???? like i appreciate the thought but also.... what agitates me is the fact theres not any#when i say something among the lines of 'i think YOU'LL like this' or 'This made me think of you' like#its bc i think of THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR or think THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR would like it#again it's probably just autism brain taking figures of speech too literally but i HATE it bc it just makes me feel like#all the times i shared my interests meant nothinggggg typically i just ask 'neat; what makes you think ill like it?' and ppl start stumbling#and im like :(#whats rlly funny in this case is not only the fact i had only ever established my love of dark fantasy and mystery to this person#but they also flatout asked 'youre not really into modern media much are you' to which the answer was 'not much lol'#and i said the reasons i dont care for 'cute girls doing cute things' anime (re: k-on) is bc if i have the time to watch it then i at LEAST#wanna spend it watching a series that's???? not 'the point of it is to relax :)'??? i can sleep for that#anyways like 2 days later they said they said they think id REALLY like this new anime they've been watching lately and I was like 'oh?'#and it was yuru camp.... and internally i was like 'are you fucking kidding me' but on the outside i was like 'oh sweet what makes you think#id like it? id love some new media recommendations especially if they're newer shows bc ive been having SO MUCH TROUBLE trying to find#something interesting that isn't from 2008'#and they sent me a picture of the most generic anime girl ever and they're like 'it has really cute girls' and then i just wanted to kms#like.... this isn't bc you thought id like it; is it.....#wanted to die internally but i played it cool and was like 'oh no; i appreciate it thoughtfulness and all but i don't think this is for me'#also the time where someone recommended signalis to me and i was like 'oh?' and they were like 'YEAH its SO good the people who made it#were even INSPIRED off of Nier' KNOWING FULL WELL I DIDN'T LIKE IT AND THE AMOUNT MY ENTHUSIASM JUST DIED... i was like#'oh. well that will be a pass then' and they tried backpedaling like 'well it's not SUPER inspired; i didn't know you HATED nier :(' like#my past 15 posts on my twitter werent me realising that the game was absolute garbage and calling it the most regretful thing ive ever spent#money on during my attempted playthrough 😭 i was like 'thanks; but I'll pass' to which they then responded by promptly sending me#signalis memes i had absolutely no idea how to respond to WITHOUT making it seem like i was super annoyed so i was just kinda 😶 and didn't#reply and they were like 'sorry :(' and i was like 'haha it's okay! i just have absolutely no idea how to respond to this joke i dont#understand at ALL'#was probably one of the more awkward interactions ive ever had but genuinely speaking i was so INTERESTED until they brought up that it was#inspired by nier i literally psychically felt all the enthusiasm leaving my body from 'damn; i might actually have to look into this' to#'oh well that's a bullet dodged' did not trust the backtracking either....
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You know the line, 'to be loved is to be changed'? I think that would work for Fallen Angel!AU.
#like hear me out#essentially Doppio isn't loved too much earlier on as a child and a scapegoat for other older angels#and so he starts sneaking out of Heaven to find some semblance of love or at least someone who doesn't dislike him#then one day he sneaks into a younger Diavolo's room when the latter is hiding in his room and nearly suicidal#so Doppio does the rare and unwise thing and reveals himself and starts talking to Diavolo like#'hi are you okay can we be friends?'#and Diavolo (being a kid at this time) hesistantly agrees because- well why not?#and they were friends for a few years until Doppio ended up being told to 'help' in one of heaven's libraries#so he couldn't leave for years (also he saw the fire and thought Diavolo died) except for rare moments where he still sneaks out of heaven#eventually he finds the truth out that Diavolo is still alive and the villian is planning something bad#so Doppio essentially says 'fuck this I'm out' to the villian and straight up falls out of heaven#and he ends up at the burned out church Diavolo used to go to and Diavolo happens to be there too#it takes a few days but they catch up with each other#and Doppio realizes all that shit he's been told about falling is bullshit and he's gotten braver if not ballsier over the years#sure he can't return to heaven but he's with his childhood friend and that's more than goddamned worth it#sorry for the wall of tags but#i have feelings for these rose colored bastarss#Aus#Fallen Angel!AU
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i did like the hidden palace but (SPOILER if anyone hasn't read it?) i'm genuinely so annoyed at how Arbeely is handled like... I wish i could be sad but i'm just fucking irritated. I was overly invested in him and that's def why but i just feel like they did him dirty
#the golem and the jinni#i was scrolling goodreads and the take i kept seeing was 'oh I wish Arbeely could've had his family too bad the jinni FUCKED IT UP'#but idk that's just not how i read him. like thats not where i feel the problem is#his whole shtick is being content as the jinni's foil and like! things can change! but the way it's done leaves him totally unresolved#which in turn means the jinni's shit is also never getting resolved because there is like no way to#when Arbeely describes his future family in the first book it's all 'someday... vaguely...' and AGAIN! what you want can change!#and honestly it's really interesting and sad that he makes this sacrifice for the jinni#but it's a layer of complexity that like clashes with how little he is there for and how little the author's invested in him#and like the way the no marriage literally did not ruin his life at all... sure it sucked but the man is still like idk rich#what has continuously fucked with him throughout both books is that he wants (or at least spends half his page time thinking about)#emotional connection to the jinni in a human way#which is something the jinni cant\wont give him even though he's basically Arbeely's only close friend#(besides ig maryam who was rlly funny hinting at her dislike for the jinni like someone trying to get their friend to dump their toxic bf)#anyway the vibe in the first book is that he only thinks about wanting a wife when the jinni is being a dickhead#BECAUSE the jinni eases arbeelys loneliness by just being there because at the end of the day that's what humans need#but then it's made really weird in the second book by Arbeely getting 'trapped' by the jinni (and yet they just grow further apart)#which means that the only thing arbeely actually spent half his life discontent with and then literally died without is not a wife#it's emotional intimacy with the jinni. which is insane to me#arbeely is obviously already tragic but this seems TOO tragic entirely because the book doesn't give af about addressing it#if it was like a plot thing then all of the above would be fine and gutwrenching because it ties back into the jinnis self isolation#BUT IT'S NOT. like i get arbeely isn't that important to the plot but he was important to the jinni and the jinni was important to him#alsoo necessarily disclaimer i'm not trying to say he's in love with the jinni or anything like that#although a queer arbeely (divorced from the above idea) would also been interesting cuz I dont think the jinni has a grasp on homophobia#so idk theyd be keeping each others secrets (arbeely x the biscuit man? JOKE)#BUTTTT! I don't believe he needs romantic energy! him and the jinni having awful vibes up until arbeely's literal death is what bothers me#The jinni is a bad communicator ik but come on... not once? not even before the diagnosis? The jinni also thinks about how distant they are#could they not talk a little? for me? there are ways to do it within the bounds of their characters FOR SURE#im sure this is the point but i do dislike it either way. anyway sorry arbeely u remind me of my uncle#the hidden palace
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😪😡📝 for the art ask game!
😪 a piece that was meant to be short but took on a life of its own
ive got one that im writing now that was originally based on a silly short premise but like. its no longer short and no longer silly. its now two chapters, absorbed another half baked wip i was writing and no one is having a fun time
😡 a paragraph/section that gave me a lot of trouble
the entirety of frankie's 2nd section in the love like ghosts fic. i love her but dear god she is SO hard to write. i had to redo that section like four separate times and had to entirely rewrite the premise twice. it killed me
📝 a line or paragraph i’m really happy with
He ain’t sure how he came across it. He didn’t have any plans on leaving the city tonight. There was a song back home and a girl without a dancing partner he let slip by, for no other reason than his own restlessness. He ain’t sure what he wanted to accomplish from wandering out in the dark, though he rarely has a plan for nights like these. He never sets out to discover something. Just got the urge to get lost on some old road that hasn’t been driven in years. It’s something that takes hold of him sometimes, and only tends to be remedied by indulging the habit. So, yeah, the body is a surprise.
#im including wips because. idk i can#i wanted to do one where it was like#'haha what if johnnie did survive and buck has to scramble to get this random guy to someone who actually knows what to do here'#and now its just. evolved into 'hey what if johnnie survived getting blackbrained but it was like how buck had it when he woke up'#which you know. still high and on the verge of death dealing with horrible hallucinations flicking back and forth through time etc etc#i repeat no one is having fun#at least until the second chapter and 'fun' isnt the right word more like. idk things kinda suck less now#kinship in 'we almost died/maybe did die and neither of us really know how to handle it. so lets not talk about it'#dani speaks#ask#asks
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this weekend (at my grandmother’s 80th birthday party) I learned:
-she and my grandfather met at a high school square dance
-he broke up with his girlfriend to date her instead
-65 years later she and the ex are on the same town committee
#i reckon after 65 years the first girlfriend has gotten over it#but she did write my grandma a Nasty Letter (in 1959 or whatever)#it’s a little like playoff sports. when your team loses it sucks but it’s consolation if the team that beat you ends up winning the thing#your high school boyfriend broke up with you to date another girl? that’s unfortunate#they were married for like 60 years until he died? well at least he didn’t dump you for someone he broke up with a month later#tree.txt
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diabetes tech is so annoying sometimes like dont get me wrong i love my dexcom & my tslim and im very very thankful that i have them and i understand its a privilege to have access to advanced medical technology
but a lot of the built-in “safeguards��� are really annoying and frankly unnecessary for most adults. why is my ability to make my own medical decisions being infringed upon by the manufacturers of the devices that are supposed to be assisting us in our care? why can’t i override or change certain settings if i acknowledge the risk associated with that choice?
#why does dexcom put banners i have to swipe away on top of my maps while i drive even though i have it set to temporary banners only?#why does my tslim have an alarm i can’t turn off that overrides my vibrate setting that goes off every 5 minutes at an extremely loud volume#when my cartridge is empty?#im an adult if i determine it is not urgent to refill my cartridge i shouldnt be punished with alerts i cannot snooze for more than 5 mins.#all of my alerts are set to vibrate only. this one is apparently not affected by that setting. it goes off every 5 minutes.#my blood sugar has been low enough for the past hour that my basal would be automatically set to 0 if there was insulin in my pump 🙄🙄🙄#also its wasteful for me to change my cartridge before its empty? its expensive given the cost of insulin and pump supplies?#like i understand it’s probably to protect the company from liability and litigation if someone doesnt refill their cartridge and goes into#DKA and/or dies but as an adult i should at least have the option to snooze it for more than 5 minutes or have it set to vibrate only when#im not asleep or something?????#what if i have a work meeting and ran out of time to change it beforehand??? is my only option to turn off my pump completely until i can#refill it?#what if i was in an earthquake and my cell phone died and my reservoir was empty but i still wanted to use my pump as a dexcom reciever?#do i and everyone around me during an emergency just have to suffer?#what about school shootings. or any situation where someone needs to hide from a dangerous person?#its just inconsiderate of the REALITY of the fact that people with diabetes live real lives that dont 1000000% revolve exclusively around#their diabetes every minute of every day until we die#its condescending and paternalistic and frankly doesnt prevent harm from befalling us.
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