#(only profession where being a nerdy know it all is acceptable)

[kinaesthetiqueer]

i made a tiny thumbnail sized stamp of nora's emblem because i needed to test our laser engraver before doing a patron's larger project.

it's so small and impractical and i love it.

[dear-mrs-otome]

Do u play ikegen? Have you played glasses guy route? Cause I was surprised to know he likes to sleep around with women. He doesn't look the type. So I'm curious about the history how he turned out like this? And how he changed after meeting with MC.

Glasses Guy AKA Kajiwara Kagetoki AKA the snarky wicked morally gray love of my Kamakura life? Ok that's an exaggeration because I can't pick just one of them...but he's a top contender. His route and Yasuchika’s are my favorites in the game.

I'll continue on after a cut.

Kagetoki is an interesting man, because he sort of embodies the rare 'nerdy slut' type. He absolutely has a reputation around town for being the guy you go to for a good time...but a good time only. He has no interest in the emotional aspects of a relationship and he treats sex as dispassionately and objectively as you would any other bodily need. He considers it no different from eating or drinking or sleeping in that respect, and his logic-driven point of view is that if a woman knows as much beforehand (that it'll be sex only) who is he to turn her down?

I will add that I have never seen or heard of him being the one to approach women. They invariably proposition him and he accepts.

All that said, his reputation is only mentioned in his own route. Never do we see him acting on any of the things he's reputed to do - in fact the only side story I can recall where it did (which came out just before his release) had him turning down the woman for various reasons but certainly in some part because he professes to be more interested in MC. He is quite fixated on her from the first moment they meet.

Kagetoki is a hardcore dominant semi-sadist - not in that he enjoys physically hurting women whatsoever but he gets off very much on a submissive partner that will obey his every command...and he makes no secret of his interest in bondage (it's even in a CG in his route dklfjdksl) or delighting in humiliating her in private. It seems that he picks up on MC's subby vibe from the moment they meet and to imply that it intrigues him would be an understatement.

That said, it's never done without her willingness to play along. In fact his MC is the most sexually submissive I think I've ever seen, a woman who secretly adores being dominated by him, and their personal relationship is heavily defined by their master/submissive roles. HOWEVER - this all only applies to their private lives. Kagetoki is proud of and supportive of her having agency and choice in everything she does, and in public they are equal partners. He adores her independence and confidence when she learns how to believe in herself, and I think his MC is one of the boldest in the game. I find them to be a fascinating couple because of this dichotomy, the two faces of their outward relationship and their personal, intimate dynamic. And I appreciate it showing that our bedroom activities and our sexual proclivities do not define our personalities. His MC in the day to day is a confident, capable, decisive woman whom he adores.

As for how he changes after meeting MC, he comes to grow into and appreciate a relationship that allows him to embrace himself fully. Any concerns MC has about his past promiscuity are wiped utterly away by his assurances that he's never felt true desire until meeting her and is confident he never would with anyone else - and in fact he has one of my favorite love confessions in the game!

[taechaos]

Blackmail

pairing: bully!Jungkook x nerdy!fem!Reader

genre: drabble, smut, college au

synopsis: Jimin offers you information on Jungkook, but your friendship is misconstrued by Jungkook who ends it singlehandedly with one video of you professing your love to him between moans.

warnings: dubcon, fingering, degredation, mild squirting, manipulation

word count: 2.8k

a/n: jealous kook doesn't realize he's jealous. this part is a bit extreme, so beware ><

One doesn't come across someone like Jungkook every day. It's fate that you met him in your first year of college, extending to your second where he grows closer to you; fair, it's clear that he only intends to use you for his academic success, but you've deluded yourself into thinking you're in love with each other. Growing up, you only had your dysfunctional family to teach you about how to love, how to think. As long as Jungkook needs you, he will love you, and you’re willing to do anything to be with him, only him. You need him to live.

Birds sing in the background as you lay on your stomach on the grass of the yard across the campus. It’s sunny and breezy, the perfect spring day as you work on Jungkook’s research paper due next month. You compiled multiple credible sources in a separate file to create an outline for his essay the moment he forwarded the assignment to you. You want him to praise you, pet your hair, kiss your cheek for starting so early so he can turn it in before anyone else. He would be proud, flashing you his pearly whites and adoring eyes. The reward motivates you to work harder and you’re relentlessly skimming through articles while counting down the minutes of Jungkook's lecture. He'll be outside with his friends in 7 minutes.

With a bad childhood, you don’t care to befriend many people. You only have a few friends to keep you company and you’re socially awkward outside of that group. You’re content, so you steer clear of boys who try to sabotage your relationship with Jungkook. Jimin, however, doesn’t get the memo.

Typing away on your laptop, a shadow looms over you to give you a break from the sunlight. You glance up and stop swinging your legs absentmindedly when you recognize the shadow; it’s a boy with frames and a tight collar adorning his neck.

Park Jimin is a typical nerd whereas you’re more of a closeted nerd. When you’re in love, you usually put more effort into your appearance to impress the one on your mind, but that doesn’t work with Jungkook. It’s always other men giving you their attention through second glances, and that includes Jimin.

“What do you want?” you rudely greet. Jimin is ruthless with his attempts at pursuing you; he’s the perfect gentleman, and often volunteers to do group tasks with you. He is never mean to anyone, and has a squeaky clean reputation, but his only flaw is that he can’t take a hint. You don't bother being friendly to him because you don't want friends.

"I want to know why you look so happy," he bends over to curiously glance at your screen, "while doing homework?"

You slam the monitor closed to stop his ogling. "You wouldn't get it. And stop watching me," you sternly say.

"What's your secret?" he grins and sits down on the grass next to you with crossed legs. His upper body serves as a shade and you stop squinting.

"There is no secret, I was just in a good mood until you came along." You're not upset, but you don't want to lead Jimin on and he won't leave unless you blow him off.

"Thinking of Jungkook?" he teases with a mischievous smile.

"Are you stalking me?"

"No, you're just too obvious," he chuckles, but the sound is strained. You don't notice his melancholy as he continues, "You were doing his homework again?"

You shift on your propped elbows a little uncomfortably. Jimin doesn't need to know what you do in your free time. "Yes," you answer anyway.

"You know he has daddy issues?"

Your eyes round as your discomfort dissipates instantly; he's piqued your interest. "Really?"

"Yeah, he has a tough exterior but he's actually a real softie."

An involuntary smile carves on your face before it falters as you ask, "How do you know this?"

"We went to high school together. I can tell you some stories if you want," he boasts when he realizes he has your attention. The context makes his heart sink, but when he imagines your lovesick grin is directed at him, it fills him with joy.

"Tell me, tell me! Please."

"Weeell," he draws with a lopsided grin, "don't tell him I told you this, but he used to hate girls. I don't know if he still does, but back then he couldn't even stand talking to a girl."

"Why?" your eyes are wide with interest as you whisper.

He shrugs, "No idea, but he hit a girl once when she wouldn't stop clinging onto him. Not like drop-kick her," he laughs, "he just shoved her on the ground. Be careful with him, okay? He can be very aggres-"

"You guys forming a nerd club now?"

You gasp when you hear Jungkook's voice. When you look up at him, he's almost glaring as his eyes flicker from you to Jimin. You're gleeful at his approach, because he never comes to you unless it's about a new assignment. It flutters your heart to see him without any papers in his hand.

You don't take his subtle insult to heart as you immediately respond, "No, we were just talking. H-Hi."

"Pull down your skirt, you look like a whore. I can see your panties all the way from the gates," he seethes in distaste. You instantly sit up with a blush and tug your skirt down to your knees. He looks back at Jimin who's glaring at him under his lashes, "The fuck's your deal?"

"Nothing," Jimin grits. Although he hates Jungkook's guts, he's too smart to fight a lost cause. He has his own set of muscles, but it isn't enough. It's best to accept defeat now.

"Did you start on the paper?" Jungkook asks you.

"Yes, I-"

"Good," he cuts you off and crouches to peck your lips by pulling the back of your neck. You're stunned when he pulls away and nonchalantly walks off to his friends.

Jimin follows him with his eyes and mutters under his breath, "douche."

Your heart is racing and you clamp a hand over your chest as a lovestruck smile spreads across your face. You know this is your end of the bargain, but it never fails to shrivel you up in delight.

"Are you two dating?" he mumbles as he pulls on the grass with a pout.

"Something like that," you exhale as you caress your lips.

It’s become routine to link up with Jimin where he reminisces his high school memories and you don’t doubt a single word he says unless it sheds a bad light on Jungkook. You’ve learned so much about him in the past few days, and you’re eager to know more. He likes energy drinks to this day, he was athletic in school and often got into fights. He began interacting with girls when he entered college, as Jimin says, “only for a quick fuck.”

Though it hurts Jimin that you only talk to him for information on Jungkook, he can’t bring himself to care when you hang onto every word he says with a glint in your eyes like you’re doing now.

You're sitting in the bustling cafeteria across from Jimin, sipping on a homemade strawberry lemonade from your thermos, and you don't notice Jungkook glancing at your table every now and then. It is the first time he doesn't feel your heavy gaze on him. Jimin does notice however, because he is facing him every time he receives a threatening ferile look.

"He could become a lawyer with how much he blackmailed the teachers to give him a good grade," Jimin tells you as he glances back and forth between you and Jungkook. "He's quite dangerous, you know. He's manipulative, a liar and has no empathy-"

"He's clever," you counter defensively, "he knows how to get around the system."

He makes a disgruntled noise from the back of his throat with a grimace. "I don't think the judge would listen to that."

You laugh at his comparison of the conversation to a court hearing. Jimin can be funny sometimes, and you have to admit that he's not that bad of a friend either. You've come to enjoy his company without the topic of Jungkook the past few days, but talking about him is always appreciated.

"Are you the judge then?" you cheekily ask.

"I might as well be, since I'm not biased like a certain someone," he teases with a grin.

"A lawyer has to see the bright side of things, but if I was the prosecutor, I wouldn't tell you that your lecture is in five minutes."

His smile falters as his eyes widen; you remember his schedule? He ran late for a lecture yesterday, but he’s in disbelief that you reminded him today. "Th-Thanks," he breathes as he packs up his belongings before giving you a curt, shy nod. His heart pounds when he walks away, and he resists the urge to look back at you.

It's a good idea, because that's when Jungkook settles down on his former seat.

"I'm thinking you might be forgetting who you belong to," he starts as he gets comfortable on the stiff chair. You instantly smile at his appearance.

"No, I'm very well aware of it." Your tone is high-pitched in excitement.

"It wasn't a question."

"Oh..."

“You talk more than you work,” he observes with a quirk of his brow. “One would think another nerd would be a better influence on you.”

“I work at night,” you defend worriedly, “I promise I’m not slacking off. Can I get a kiss please?”

You’re so adorable when you’re needy. He hides a smirk with a bite of his lip; he thrives from your loyalty to him, but he knows Jimin is a threat to it. He wants you to stop talking to that freak, and he justifies it as a concern for his grades. “I’ll kiss you when you’re not procrastinating. Do you think you deserve even a pat on the head?”

“I do! I’m halfway done with the research paper, please Jungkook,” you beg pathetically, “I-I’ll show it to you, I have it with me right now.” You start unzipping the case of your laptop until he holds up a hand for you to stop.

“You’re going to read it to me, but not here.”

When he stands up, so do you in a haste. He leaves the cafeteria with you hot on his tail, almost jogging when his strides are much bigger compared to yours. You resemble a clueless lamb following a lion, desperate to hold his claws with your hooves. You don’t know where he’s leading you as you walk down the halls until you stop in front of a door. You’re about to freak out when he swings open the door, but you realize the lecture room is empty.

“You want me to read here?” you inquire meekly. It’s a little intimidating to do it in complete silence, because you have a tendency to stutter when reading out loud and you don’t want to embarrass yourself in front of Jungkook where no one can talk over you. 

“Yup.” He snatches your laptop case from your hand with the handle, and roughly opens it before placing the device on the front row wooden desk. It’s a large hall, and the desks stretch out to the half of the room. You’re feeling stage fright for no particular reason; it feels like reverse claustrophobia. “Open the document and give me your phone.”

You don’t question him and hand in your phone before going through your files on the laptop. Jungkook is looking through your contacts and grins when he finds himself saved as: the love of my life ♡. Jimin is saved by his name, and he finds his WhatsApp through his information below. Once he opens your empty chat with him, he switches to your camera and pushes your back so you’re bent over the desk. You sharply inhale and ask, “Kook?” 

“Don’t get distracted now,” he lightly scolds and starts pulling down your pants. You stopped wearing skirts after the incident a week ago to appease him. You stammer with your back arched, and your ass is on full display for him. It’s humiliating. “Start reading.”

“H-Humans are- Jungkook?” you warily look back at Jungkook when he slides the slit of your panties to the side.

“Are you slacking off?” he condescends. 

You bite your lip anxiously and continue reading, “Humans are social animals that n-need social interaction,” Jungkook spits in his hand, “the extent of our social relationships is the most important predictor of h-happiness.” You squeal when you feel wet fingers graze your folds, but you know better than to stop and ask what he’s doing.

“Continue,” he coaxes softly as he brushes his fingertips over your pussy lips. 

“Um, o-one of the main reasons our brains have developed the way they have is so that we can be social,” you speak between shaky breaths. Your cheeks are tinted crimson with embarrassment from his touches; why is he pleasuring you when he specifically told you, you didn’t deserve any? “Being happy a-all of the time is neither possible nor desirable.”

“Is it now?” He slips a finger in your cunt and you involuntarily let out a cry as you push your body forward. You don’t notice him holding up your phone behind you while slowly sliding his finger in and out of you. His saliva is mixing with your arousal as you answer in a gasp, “Yes.”

“Tell me why.”

“B-Because negative feelings are natural. When it comes to negative feelings, the most important thing to remember is to learn,” you pause to exhale with quivering lips, “to control certain potentially harmful thoughts.” You whine his name when another finger is added to your heat. You’re moving your hips back and forth until he slaps your wet folds as a warning. “Sorry,” you peep and continue in a breath, “Happiness all of the time entails epistemic irrationality.”

It’s difficult to keep your eyes open when you just want to indulge in his thrusts, but you’re encouraged to stop reading when he doesn’t comment on your moans. His pace is quickening and you chase his fingers with your hips, cum dripping down his wrist as you mewl.  

“You enjoying yourself, whore?”

You nod and whimper, “So much.” You’re clutching the edge of the desk as he fingers you with fervor.

“And you're my girl?” 

“Yes, all yours, I love you so much,” you pant, not stopping for a moment to question his words. He has a full view of your sopping wet cunt on the camera, and he lightly blows on you, making you shiver. He’s recording you confess your love for him while getting fingered.

“Only me?” he presses.

“Only you, Jungkook, I love you more than anything,” you slur as you start to feel a knot in your stomach.

“Then pee.”

“Wh-What?”

“Touch your clit and pee.” He removes his fingers from your clenching hole and takes a step back. “Prove your love to me.”

You mourn the loss of his hand while staring wide-eyed at the floor. You’re contemplating his demand as your hand slowly reaches down to your clit. Is he asking you to squirt? Your breathing is shallow as you near your climax, and you still don’t know if you’ll go through with his requirement.

It drips out in tiny drops as you come undone, moaning as clear liquid spills out of you for only a few seconds. 

“Good girl, my good little girl,” Jungkook whispers as he intently watches you humiliate yourself in the name of love. You’re twitching and trembling in shame when he stops recording you and sends it to Jimin without a second’s waste. “Are you okay, baby?”

You hum with a pout as you collect yourself by standing up straight, a sway in your posture. 

“Give me your panties, you’ve made a mess on the floor,” he chastises as he holds out a hand. You slip and step out of them before giving it to him. In return, he passes your phone before feigning a gasp, “Shit, I think I sent Jimin a video of you when I was trying to forward it to my phone.”

Your mouth falls open as heat consumes your entire being. “H-Huh?” Tears brim in your eyes almost instantly; your heart is pounding from anxiety.

“How will you ever look at him now,” he empathizes with a fake frown. “He must think of you as such a slut now.”

“Let me delete it,” you panic as you open your phone. “Wh-Where is it?”

He motions you to give him the phone and opens WhatsApp after. “He’s already seen it.” There are two blue ticks under the message.

“No, no, no,” you pull your hair in agony with a whimper. You quickly put your pants back on and cry as you do so.

“I guess that’s the end of your friendship,” he raises his eyebrows to himself without a hint of sympathy.

“What do I do?!” you wail and fling your hands in stress.

“Avoid him. I’ll make sure he won’t leak it.”

He steps forward to lean in your face intimidatingly. “And don’t talk to him ever again.”

You don’t exactly have a choice now, do you? 

[mariinara]

REDAMANCY. (Sam Drake x Reader) PROLOGUE.

A/N: Oh, sweet mother Theresa.. I've been holding this secret for so long. The idea came to me when @the-winchesterboys pitched it as just a fluff request, but I decided to make a whole series out of it. So, I can proudly say that this is a sort of collaboration that gave birth to my first Sam Drake fic. ♡

Tags: @the-drakeboys , @the-winchesterboys , @missdictatorme , @samdrakeftw , @hrgnm , @purplezebra68 , @s4mdrake , @unchartedterritoria

Summary: You're a retired treasure-hunter who had brief history with Sam before the events of Panama, after which you were heartbroken, but met your current fiance, Connor Walsh. You get an unexpected call from a certain someone, asking you to embark on one last adventure together through London and Morocco to uncover a childhood mystery, during which you confront each other, reflect on your past, and rekindle the relationship that might cost you your pretend peaceful life.

Genre: Action/Adventure/Drama/Comedy

Rating: 18+

(PROLOGUE, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4)

  Location: United States, Boston suburbs.

                       __________________

Your paint roller glided smoothly across the wall of your new study room, the wetness glistening with the bright ray of sunlight from your open window. You found yourself smiling in comfort whilst covering the white, dusty pasty color with a refreshing coat of the faintest shade of beige: a color that beautifully complimented the oak-wood theme of your furniture. It was also a color that represented conservativeness, neutrality, and serenity-- The very same traits that you’ve decided to embrace as a new years’ resolution. You knew it was going to be by no means an easy task. 

If you would’ve displayed any of those traits in the profession you’d left behind, you would’ve been dead. 

You’ve always been an excessive, adventurous, fiery, driven human being. It ran in your veins-- this treasure-hunting hogwash. Whether your expeditions proved fruitful or not, you grew obsessed with that adrenaline surge that rushed through you. That little thrill that came with uncovering world secrets or stumbling upon a marvelous find. The extreme enjoyment you got out of surviving a situation that so clearly was against your odds. The way goosebumps riddled your sweaty skin as you leaped from one cliff to the other. Holding onto a rope for dear life as you swung across. You got off on those sort of reckless heroics, but ever since you met him and you’d clicked immediately, his docile nature immediately rubbed off on you. 

There you were, painting your study while reminiscing about your time in Shambhala, where you and your fiance-- Connor -- met. He was a journalist who came along with Elena and her cameraman Jeff and, from what the relationship between him and Elena suggested, they were both co-workers and rivals. He’d gotten there to uncover Lazarevic’s malicious plot first and was doing okay until Elena and Jeff showed up. Though the bickering between them was childish, Connor was an extremely calm, collected, and understanding human being when it counted. Besides that, he was smart, clever, focused, practical, and he was handsome in a very nerdy way. 

He looked like your typical, struggling journalist. He was tall, pasty skin and rosy cheeks. Sort of broad and built. Always had a shirt on that was slightly crinkled at the hem, since he’d get sick of having it tucked into his pants and would yank it out. A habit you grew to smile at and shake your head. His bright green, curious eyes were framed with a pair of glasses that only a semi-visually impaired person would wear. The lenses were so thick that they formed sort of a weight on the bridge of his nose that would eventually leave red marks where they sat. 

He was nowhere near your type of man. As far as Nathan - the man whom you took care of for a long time before he stumbled upon Elena - knew, your type happened to be that sort of man with an infuriatingly charming air about him. Tall, broad, had tattoos that held meaning to him only. Thick Boston accent and a shit-eating grin that made you roll your eyes but smile, nonetheless. The kind of man that made you weak in the knees with just a wink or a suggestive eyebrow raise. 

A heartbreaker, who ripped away every shred of happiness when he left you almost sixteen years ago to wallow in self-doubt and pure despair. The type of man who both gave meaning to your life at one point, but ended up completely ruining you at another. And by the time he’d made a surprising appearance in your lives, you were a changed woman who had a loving boyfriend who made you forget about all of your past troubles. Your heart aches and most of all, Samuel Drake.

It was a little over a year ago since the last time you'd seen him and though Connor had no idea about your past, Sam had a pretty good picture about your relationship with Connor. Boyfriend of almost six years, about to be engaged to you. The works. 

Sam felt like a complete stranger to you and you were no longer the woman he'd fallen in love with. Or at least you thought so. 

He was so foreign to you, even though he was the exact same person. But you were simply not. Back at Libertalia, you couldn't even bear to talk to him for more than a minute and you didn't know why. It was like talking to a phantom. A figment of your imagination. Looking at him reminded you of all the days you couldn't breathe when his memorial day rolled in every year. It reminded you how broken and dysfunctional you were for the first five years of him not holding you or saying something clever to make you laugh in utter embarrassment. It made you remember how cold you were when you slept on the bed you once shared with him, with his side of the bed empty and untouched for years on end. The years and years of therapy and PTSD. 

Looking at him reminded you of everything that you worked so hard to forget and while you knew that it wasn't fair for him, it was just as unfair to you. 

You finally had your life together and you didn't want anything or anyone standing in the way.

Not even him. 

The fact that you'd parted ways on a bad note as well the last time you'd seen each other didn't at all help. 

Libertalia was an adventure you thoroughly enjoyed and loved deeply. You even had some souvenirs and trinkets from there. But the reason you went there altogether was because you didn't want Sam to die again. To leave you and Nathan. The incentive was purely dutiful since you grew up with both of them, but nothing more. 

Or at least you thought so.

You took a few steps back, your eyes studying the freshly painted wall. Slowly, a satisfied smile crept up to your lips as you wiped your forehead from the sweat, being careful so as to not get your paint-covered fingers on your face. Your hands then wiped against the front of your stained apron with a deep sigh, "God, I'm good." You told yourself with a proud smirk and whipped your head around once you heard the sound of a heavy, cardboard box slump on the floor. Your eyes trailed up to be met with Connor's green ones and he smiled as he stretched his back and walked towards you. He was standing next to you, his arm around your waist, holding you close to his side as he stared at your handiwork.

"Wow.." He chuckled with an impressed nod, "This looks great."

You rested your head on his shoulder, a big smile on your face, "You sound surprised." 

He paused a little, "I am–" You lifted your head and playfully glared at him, making him laugh lightly, "Just a little. Calm down..!" 

With a sigh and a shake of your head, you patted his ass with your dry paint-covered hand and he jumped a little, letting out a small surprised noise, "Alright, then, nerd." You ripped yourself from him and looked around, seeing all those boxes that you needed to empty. They were covering the floor from the entrance of the study to the hallway outside and even the kitchen's island had smaller boxes on top, full of utensils and everything from the kitchen of your old apartment, "That's all of 'em?" You asked, sort of hopeful that you wouldn't have to unpack another one of those nightmares.

"Yep." Connor responded, "I'm hungry, though. How 'bout dinner first?" He suggested and you couldn't be more relieved since you were starved.

"Sounds good."

Your fiance smiled sweetly at you, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your lips that lasted for a while before he pulled away, "I'll go get started with the kitchen stuff, then."

You smiled back at him, your eyes trailing down to look at the messy collar of his shirt, only for your hand to adjust it and smoothen down the shoulders, "Alright, dear."

And he was off to the kitchen, maneuvering around boxes as he did. You watched him for a couple of seconds, feeling as if your life was finally falling into place. That everything was perfect. That you were healed.

As if God didn't want that for you, your cellphone rang in your back pocket, almost startling you. With an exasperated sigh, you untied your apron and crumpled it in your hands, reaching in for your phone with the other. 

Upon seeing the caller ID, your demons crawled back up to gnaw the back of your brain. Your eyes widened briefly and you glanced towards the empty hallway Connor passed through earlier. You contemplated not answering, but knowing him, he was probably in trouble.

Your thumb hovered above the 'reject' icon, your brows furrowed and your heart thumping violently against your ribcage, as if begging to jump out. And against your better judgement, you swiped the 'accept' icon, pulling the phone to your ear slowly and giving your back to the door. 

You heard what sounded like a sigh of relief on the other line. 

"I thought you'd never answer."

You paused for a second, rubbing your forehead with your fingers, "It was tempting."

He chuckled, somewhat bitterly, "Why didn't you?"

You rested your hand on your hip, your eyes flickering all around the room, as if searching for an answer, but you found yourself talking without even thinking, "Because I feel obligated not to." You responded, "You don't usually call, either, so you must be in some sort of trouble."

You heard silence from him for a second, "You know why I don't call. I dunno how your guy would react."

You raised a brow, glancing over your shoulder at the door to make sure Connor wasn't close, "And you thought now's a good time because..?"

"Because I need you."

You inhaled deeply at his reply. A dreadful feeling resided in the pit of your stomach. Something about the way he said that didn't rest well with you, but you knew what he meant.

You looked up to the ceiling, trying your best to bite back a mean response, "What do you want, Sam?"

"Right.." You heard shuffling on his end, sounding like papers and clanking glass, "I'll get to the point."

"Please."

"Remember when we were younger? That book I used to love."

Of course you remembered. You'd stay up all night with Sam, sitting on a bench under streetlights, listening to his stories from the book he so loved. He was so theatrical, acting everything out, doing the pirate accents, deepening his voice, hiding one eye with his hand to give the effect of an eye patch.

How could you possibly forget?

"A general history of the robberies and murders of the most notorious pirates." You responded with a small, wistful smile that you weren't aware of, "Yeah."

"Remember when I said how it was complete bullshit?" 

"You were pretty disappointed.." You muttered in amusement, going over to your desk to sit on the edge.

Sam chuckled lightly, "Then you remember my never-ending babbling about Red Rackham's treasure."

"Sam." You stopped him, feeling the uncomfortable feeling bubbling up to claw at your chest, "Where's this going?" You cautiously asked, narrowing your eyes at nothing in particular.

Another long pause came from him, and with each passing second, you felt your anxiety bubble up more.

"I know where it got sunk."

"Where what got sunk?"

"The unicorn."

You pinched the bridge of your nose at the familiar name of the sunken pirate ship and shook your head, "You can't possibly be doing this on my moving day." You tried to keep your voice low but your dismay was extremely clear and you could almost see him frowning at your tone.

"Moving day?" He asked. You suddenly remembered how transparent he was. He did no effort to hide his bitterness and you could so clearly hear it.

You shook your head and decided to divert the subject, "I don't do that kinda thing anymore, Sam. You know that." 

He snorted, "Since when?"

"Since Libertalia." You retorted, "Since Connor, Sam. He doesn't do that sorta thing, either."

"That–That is good for him, but I know for a fact that that's not who you are."

You let out a humourless laugh and threw your hand up in frustration, "I'm not waiting for you to tell me who I am; I know what I want."

"No, you don't."

You were about to snap at him, but something stopped you. What would you say to that? Was this really who you were? The way Sam put it made you doubt almost everything. 

"Doesn't matter, Sam. I'm happy, okay?"

"You may be now, but the more you fight it, the more you're gonna hate him and hate your life, sweetheart." 

"What are you trying to do?" You asked, in a surrendered voice, your hand tightening around your phone.

"Give you a chance." He replied easily, not even giving it a thought, "This is our story. Our treasure. You were obsessed with this as much as I was. Your journal, your hand drawn maps.." He paused, "I still have 'em.."

You shook your head, feeling your resolve crumble with the sentence he added at the end, looking down at your feet, "What am I gonna tell Connor..?"

"You'll figure somethin' out." He said, his voice a bit hopeful, knowing that he broke your thick skin a bit, "C'mon. Whaddya say..? You and me. One last time?"

You inhaled deeply. 

He was right. You have been obsessed with finding that treasure for the longest time as wanderlust-struck teenagers. It was like your Everest. But you never got around to it, since it all reminded you of him. You didn't want to embark on that journey without him by your side. And now that he was there, you could finally finish the book of journeys. To fulfill the last of your wishes. 

Maybe then you'd be able to live happily with Connor, without having to deal with the burden of having something missing.

And so, you smiled and nodded to yourself, "Okay." You responded simply, earning a relieved chuckle from him, "Sully's gonna be there, though, right?"

"You could say that."

You frowned, "What's that mean?" 

"He'll be there at some point." He vaguely replied, making you roll your eyes, "Just make sure you're there by tomorrow night."

"Tomorrow night..?" You asked, closing your eyes and throwing your head back, feeling the fatigue roll over you stronger than ever, "Where do I need to go?"

"London. Bloomsbury." 

You ripped a paper from your notebook, holding the phone against your ear with your shoulder, and grabbed a pen, yanking off the cover with your teeth and writing down the address.

"Okay.." You muttered.

"Euro hotel. The room's under Victor's name. You know what to do."

You felt your heart beating faster as you wrote the last letter, with the small P.S. about the reservation name. 

You let out a shaky breath and held the phone in your hand again, straightening up, "Got it. I'll be there at nine."

"Perfect." You could practically hear the grin in his voice, "See ya soon, sweetheart." 

You smiled softly and nodded, "See you soon.." 

You held the phone against your ear until it went blank and that's when you realized what you've just gotten yourself into.

There you were again. With no self-control when you heard the words treasure and adventure. You were so caught up in the childhood memories that you didn't think of what you'd actually tell Connor and, for some reason, the truth wasn't an option.. 

You heard him calling out your name from the kitchen and you quickly whipped your head towards the door, inhaling deeply to calm your jagged nerves. You found yourself fiddling with the engagement ring on your finger and you looked down at your hands, pursing your lips together tightly.

'No backing out now..' You thought.

You exhaled and forced a smile to your face, "Comin', honey!" You called out cheerfully, quickly stuffing the note with the address in your back pocket, hurrying out of the study room.

[monotonous-minutia]

Love & Art

for people who are curious why I get so fired up over the Violin Aria.

(Note: the literary criticism in this post draws from the various versions of the libretto I’ve read. I won’t specify which ones where, because that’d just get tedious. Basically I’m compiling evidence from all the ones I’ve read. Also, some productions stage things in direct opposition to the libretto--something we’re in general familiar with as opera nerds. So if some things seem in contrast to what you’re familiar with, that is probably why. Regardless, I hope my ramblings make enough sense for you to follow, even if the evidence I present is not familiar to you. Thanks for indulging my lit crit nerdiness.)

In order to understand why the Violin Aria is so significant, we must first take a look at the relationships in this opera--specifically the romantic ones, and in particular the relationships between Hoffmann and Antonia, and Hoffmann and Nicklausse.

There are some arguments that Antonia is Hoffmann’s only “true” love in the opera. There’s some validity to that—Stella rejects him (in some versions, because he publicly disrespects her; in others, because she’s flighty); Olympia is a robot and thus incapable of love; and Giulietta has ulterior motives and her professions of love are lies. Antonia, though, clearly loves Hoffmann, and he clearly loves her. They get the only genuine love duet in the opera; they have a love song they wrote together. Hoffmann asks her to marry him, and she accepts. They missed each other terribly in their time apart; Antonia pining away, Hoffmann spending weeks searching for her.

All that is to say, there’s a lot of evidence to support a genuine romantic relationship between these two, in comparison with the other three, which…aren’t.

But there isn’t a lot of discussion on how this love directly relates to that of Nicklausse/the Muse. The Muse is the only one aside from Antonia who flat-out states their love for Hoffmann (genuinely). As Nicklausse, this character shows love and devotion as well: following Hoffmann on all of his adventures, rescuing him from death multiple times, providing emotional support, and “winning the prize for common sense,” as Hoffmann himself puts it.

In real life, Stella is the Muse’s rival because of Hoffmann’s infatuation with her and the way she put “a chain around his neck,” distracting him from his poetry--and, by extension, the Muse. In Hoffmann’s fantasy world, Antonia is Nicklausse’s main rival because hers is the only genuine love that Hoffmann receives from the various incarnations of his ladies. Despite this, though, Antonia is the only one that Nicklausse doesn’t vocally oppose. In Act 1, he tries multiple times to tell Hoffmann his love for Olympia is futile. In Act 3, he warns Hoffmann not to trust Giulietta, and tries to take him away from her more than once. But with Antonia, he makes no declarations against her. He just relates her soul to that of a violin.

Nicklausse is clearly a rival for Hoffmann’s affections, and that’s obvious not only to us gay nerds, but to the other characters in the opera as well. There’ll be another post on that at some point, with more detail, but for the purposes of this piece, I’ll bring in one specific example: Nicklausse is not allowed onstage when Hoffmann is with his ladies.

(This is following the libretto specifically; some productions stage it differently.)

In Act 1, Nicklausse is forced by Spalanzani to leave with the rest of the guests after Olympia’s performance, leaving Hoffmann alone with her. In Act 3, Dapertutto physically prevents Nicklausse from following Hoffmann when he goes after Giulietta (in some versions). In the Epilogue, Nicklausse exits as Stella comes in, telling Hoffmann he has to choose between them. In Act 2, Nicklausse leaves discreetly when Antonia comes in. It’s notably different from the others because, unlike in Acts 1 or 3, he’s not compelled by another character to leave, and unlike in the Epilogue, he doesn’t make a point to check in with Hoffmann before he leaves. He just ducks out quietly, saying (in most versions) his presence is “too much,” and the others don’t even notice.

Nicklausse doesn’t oppose Antonia like he opposes the other loves, which is interesting given we’ve established that Antonia is the only other “true” love and thus the greatest rival (in this fantasy world, anyway). Nicklausse doesn’t want to fight with Hoffmann over Antonia. Fighting over “true love” is different from fighting against a seductress or a siren song (or the ridiculousness of being in love with a robot). Stella, Giulietta, and even Olympia are toxic loves. Antonia isn’t. She’s definitely an obstacle for Nicklausse, but not destructive in the same way for Hoffmann. And Nicklausse cares about Hoffmann enough not to bash Antonia. Knowing Hoffmann’s romanticism and idealism, that probably wouldn’t work anyway. Instead of directly opposing Antonia, Nicklausse redirects by pointing out some practical obstacles—Antonia’s father disliking Hoffmann and Hoffmann’s bad luck with love so far; and, finally, by singing the Violin Aria, one of the most beautiful love songs in opera—and yes, it is a love song.

Critics may say that the Violin Aria is about Antonia, because it’s about art and love. Here’s how that doesn’t work, though.

The Violin Aria relates art and love as being inseparable, and extremely powerful because of that. Nicklausse describes the “heavenly tones” of the music from the violin, which he declares represent love, concluding with “Poet, give your heart!” Hoffmann is described as both a poet and a musician, so these are metaphors that would resonate strongly with him. The music from the instrument—art—is love. The poet must give his heart. Nicklausse is showing Hoffmann that love and art can co-exist in beautiful collaboration. That’s the essence of what the Muse is: in the Prologue and Epilogue, Hoffmann’s love comes in the form of his artistic collaboration with the Muse. By choosing to be a poet, Hoffmann chooses love.

That’s why this song can’t possibly be about Antonia. While Nicklausse describes the sublime interconnectedness of love and art, everyone else is forced to choose between the two. When Antonia chooses her art, she loses her love; and when she attempted to choose love, it was at the expense of her artistic aspirations. For her, love and art cannot co-exist; they’re opposing forces that can’t be reconciled. That’s the opposite of what Nicklausse is talking about.

Hoffmann faces the same decision in his interactions with the ladies. In order to be with Olympia, he has to abandon his poetry in favor of science. With Antonia, he leaves his art behind because he’s so distracted trying to find her. And with Giulietta, there’s pretty much no room for anything else, let alone art, when he’s entrapped in her sensuality. He throws his life (and life savings) to chance because he’s given up on love and art, and it almost destroys him. Finally, there's Stella, who has Hoffmann infatuated to the point where he's neglecting his art as he attempts to secure her affections.

In other words, Hoffmann is in a constant state of having to choose between love and art. And just as Antonia is the only “true” love amongst the ladies, she is also the most vivid personification of this struggle. She finds she can’t have the best of both worlds; she has to choose between her art—singing—and her love—Hoffmann. She literally dies because of her conflict between love and art. Since Antonia isn’t actually a real person, this is a manifestation of Hoffmann’s own internal struggle. All of the ladies are, but Antonia is the most graphic and literal.

While all of these loves present a conflict between love and art, portraying their seeming inability to co-exist, Nicklausse is exactly the opposite.

In order to win Hoffmann’s love, the Muse has to convince Hoffmann to return to his poetry. Devoting himself to the Muse is the only way Hoffmann can indulge in both love and art. He’s not the puppet of a scientist trying to show off his robotic accomplishment, or stuck in the middle of a virtuoso’s inner conflict, or the plaything of a devil and a seductress, or the object of a siren’s fleeting affections. He’s protected by the love and inspiration of his truest and dearest friend, who’s stuck with him through thick and thin, patiently waiting for the moment where they can take Hoffmann for their own.

[madibyrd]

TASK #001: THE LAST NORMAL DAY • broken promises

Flight 441 disappeared on October 16th, Friday, but Madi hasn’t heard about it until the following day, well into Saturday. She got home around 6:30am after finishing a 24 hours shift, remembered to send her sister a message that she wouldn’t be able to make it later to their house to lunch, apologizing for it profoundly, and then knocked out and slept a good twelve hours because she was exhausted. It was a long, hard shift, one of the roughest she’s had in months, constant calls through both the day and night with barely a moment to rest, and she needed to refuel herself.

She woke up to an empty house - Talia was off on some conference being awesome -, and a whole bunch of angry messages from her sister along with several missed calls. She wasn’t in the mood to argue with Liz, but she also knew the more she pushed off the call, the angrier her sister would get, so she let out a long breathe, headed to the kitchen to make herself a coffee and called her sister.

“You promised, Madison, you promised you’d come over for lunch and try out Jake’s soup, he was so excited for you to try it.” No hello, no greeting, and Liz even called her Madison. She really was pissed. She turned on the coffee maker to do its magic and then moved to the living room to turn on the news.

“I promised I would try, Liz, that is what I promised. If my shift went okay and I could get some sleep. I didn’t get any, I literally just woke up.”

“You could have set an alarm.”

“And be a useless sack of potatoes when I go over? You know how I am when I don’t get a proper amount of sleep. It was a really hard shift, Liz, I swear, there were several pretty brutal accidents that we were called to, one of them had a whole family... anyway, aside from those, there were two fires as well and two freaking prank calls that lead to nowhere just us in gear going to the furthest of our district when we could have used that time at least to rest. And this was just the night of the shift, don’t even get me started on the rest of the 24 hours. if I could have, I would have made it over there.”

There was a long pause from the other end of the phone.

“No sleep at all?”

“None until I got home,” Madi promised.

A sigh. “Okay, maybe I forgive you, but you’ll still have to make amends with Jake. Starting with trying out his soup. And groveling a little.”

“Give him the phone and I’ll start, but that kid loves me way too much to need that much groveling.” Which really only made it worse, but she even told Liz not to promise anything to her nephew, so if she said anything more than a really weak maybe, it was on her, as far as Madi was concerned. Not that it would stop her from apologizing to Jake, but still.

“He’s out in the garden playing with...” Liz jumped into a long explanation about what Madi’s nephew was doing, but Madi was not listening to any of it, because when she looked up at the tv, all she saw was the flashing headline - “Tragic plane crash - plane still nowhere found”. She quickly turned the volume on and tried to listen, but with Liz in her ears, it wasn’t the easiest of moments. “Liz, sorry to cut you off, but... what is this plane thing they are talking about on the news?”

“Oh, you didn’t hear before? A plane full of people was heading to LA from... not really sure where, some European city, and then it just vanished. Nobody knows what happened or what happened to them, but they didn’t arrive in LA. Everyone’s freaking out.”

“Yeah, I can imagine...”

Madi got her coffee and chatted a little bit longer with her sister, but she wasn’t really there in the head, she kept losing focus to watching the news and trying to figure out what more there is to know about this accident. She didn’t know anyone on the flight, she knew that - Talia would only be flying back home the next day and nobody else she knew or were close to were planning flying anywhere anytime soon - but still, it wouldn’t leave her mind. To the point where after a couple of hours (which included trying to distract herself and talking to her nephew, promising him that she would try his soup soon), she reached for her phone to text her coworker about the flight, that turned into a phone call that turned into the two of them googling if there were any need for volunteers to go and help with the search.

They found a phone number, they called it, and in less than an hour they were already set to fly to LA, from where the boat they would be on would leave. Their boss wasn’t happy about the development, but he also understood the sentiment, and it wasn’t the first time one of his firefighters went off to volunteer somewhere else. They would make it it work.

The harder conversation for Madi was her family - her parents already didn’t like that her profession included running into burning buildings and risking her own life. They’ve accepted it at this point with grumbles and occasional suggestions to other jobs (her mom’s pitches really were ridiculous, “I’ve heard tv reporters got hundreds of thousands of dollars yearly. Madi, my dear, you love talking, don’t you think that would be a fine job for you?”), but they didn’t like the idea of Madi putting herself in other type of danger, even though Madi insisted she wouldn’t actually be in danger. She would be on a boat, she wouldn’t do the actual dive work, she��d just help out whenever she could (technically she didn’t know what her job would be, but if she said that, her parents would imagine her dangling feets above the water on a hook without any safety, and nobody wanted that). They ended the call on “let’s talk about this more tomorrow” and Madi told them she’d call them from LA. They were not happy about it at all.

Her sister was... both more and less understanding. She was mostly annoyed she’d have to tell a 9 years old her auntie would have to disappear for a while and no, he wouldn’t be able to come over or play with her. And then turned on the worried sister mode and made Madi promise that she would be careful and not do anything stupid like jump into the water to save somebody. Madi did promise. Her best friend simply made her promise to bring her some souvenire and told her that she admired her for wanting to do this and then they spent the rest of the call talking about the guy she was seeing and how she got to a whole new level on one of the video games she was playing at the time that Madi didn’t understand but liked listening to her friend talk about it.

The last conversaion, and weirdly the one that she was both the most anxious and not at all about was Talia. She didn’t call her, she just sent a text - neither of them were really the calling type, and they very rarely actually talked, usually just texted.

[Madi]: So, I’m not going to be home for a while... [Talia]: What have you done? [Madi]: I might have volunteered on one of the rescue teams for that flight that disappeared, did you see that? Or were you too wrapped up in your historical facts? [Talia]: Madiiiiii [Madi]: Yes, that’s my name, though I usually use a lot less i’s :P [Talia]: Your desire to act like a hero can be quite annoying sometimes, you know [Talia]: I was looking forward to a chill night on the couch tomorrow, watching some dumb movie [Talia]: But I guess you’ve already decided, right? [Madi]: Yeah, I fly out to LA tomorrow. We’re just missing each other [Talia]: Somebody is gonna write a book about you and they are going to interview me and I will tell them about that time you got home at 3am and spent an entire hour singing itsy bitsy spider on the foot of my bed, crying about how much spiders are misunderstood and mistrusted even though they are the cutest things on the planet [Madi]: HEY! [Talia]: I know, I know, it’s bees [Talia]: And speaking of them, I won’t have to deal with them, right? [Madi]: Nope, I’m gonna check on them before I leave, they can take care of themselves while I’m gone, you don’t have to go anywhere near them [Talia]: You’re amazing [Madi]: Now tell me about your super historical, super nerdy presentation, did it go okay?

They chatted for a little while longer, Madi happily hearing about Talia’s presentation, being so proud of her. She might have not been there to see it, but she was sure Talia rocked it. And they could celebrate when they would be both back in Boston.

It was evening by the time she was done with everything, and she ate some leftovers from the fridge, watched a sitcom episode on Netflix, and then went to bed early. She wasn’t in the mood for anything else, she was excited to help in something so huge and curious what she would have to do, what kind of job she would be trusted upon. The next day she flew to LA with her partner and spent the remaining of her days on the boat, searching and searching for the disappeared plane without any kind of luck before the fateful accident happened and she’d end up on Meridium.

What she didn’t realize on this Saturday night is that these interactions would become the last she had with them. She talked to Talia and her sister during the trip, and she exchanged a couple of LA memes with her best friend, but there was no end, no goodbye, no finality to any of it. Promises, however, of her return that much more. And all of them would be broken the moment she washed ashore on the sandy beach of Meridium.

[ecto-american]

White and Nerdy

Holiday Truce Gift for @idiot-cheesehead-archenemy based on their request for Vlad’s slice of life outside of the Fentons.

On FFN and AO3

Summary: Contrary to belief, Vlad does have hobbies other than spinning in a fancy chair with his cat thinking of evil plots. For example, every Tuesday he dedicates the day to hanging out with his best friend as they both indulged in their crippling, long term addictions: World of Warcraft, with a pinch of Dungeons and Dragons.

Rating: K+

Warnings: Some cursing

Other Notes: Everybody is gay or trans, and you can't stop me.

Running a multi billion dollar empire was stressful, to say the very least. And of course, when you own those businesses, it was easy to work as much or as little as you pleased. Not that Vlad ever found himself taking off too much from work. No, no. He loved running his empire, the meetings and decisions. Whenever he took too much time off, the halfa found himself restless. Vlad craved a full schedule, and he needed things to look forward to.

Though of course, he wasn't all work and no play. There was one day of the week Vlad always, with the exception of business trips, took off or would take easy: Tuesdays. Tuesday was raid day.

And on that Tuesday morning, Vlad paid no mind as he could faintly hear the front door being unlocked and closed. His best friend, his actual best friend (NOT that fool Jack), had keys and was permitted to come over whenever he pleased.

Vlad continued his morning routine lazily, carefully shaving and grooming his beard to his preferred style. Brushed and styled his hair in it's normal ponytail, and he dressed himself. Any other day of the week, Vlad would be putting on his Italian brand name custom suits, always freshly pressed and ironed by a maid. But today was raid day, and so he instead was wearing sweatpants and an oversized Packers sweatshirt. He slipped on his football slippers, and he went downstairs to his computer room.

Not his office, which was expensively decorated with only the most fine and formal, shelves lined with important titles. His computer room, which was expensively decorated for a whole other reason. As he opened the door, he smiled at the shelves full of figurines of his favorite characters, accessories adorning the walls. He knew that most would have a stroke, since he never kept anything in the original box, despite having the entire collection of figurines, statues, busts, everything that would make the most dedicated fan drooling. That was simply stupid in Vlad's eyes, it was made to be admired and displayed, not kept in a box. If any were to break, he could simply buy another, no issue.

They lined shelves that were all over the brightly lit room, with cabinets below that held their boxes. While he didn't keep them in boxes, he of course, still kept them. There were also some books, mostly related to the lore but also game guides and manuals.

He admired his collection for a moment before turning his attention to the middle aged man getting comfortable in one of the three computer setups Vlad had, the far left one. All the setups were, of course, only the best and most advanced, with each desktop having three monitors and leather chairs. Each desk was a large U shaped one, set pressed to each other and near the back wall for the outlets.

"Hey, morning!" Edward Lancer greeted him warmly. Both men were morning people, clear by their chosen professions and schedules. Ed was in his own lounge wear, sweatpants with crocs and an old college t-shirt. "I brought McDonald's." He gestured to the bag that was left on Vlad's desk, alongside a cup of coffee clearly from Vlad's own kitchen.

Had it been any person other than Ed, Vlad would have been mortified over McDonald's. But even billionaires couldn't resist their breakfast, and it was only on Tuesday that he was able to privately indulge. Ed never judged.

"Thank you!" Vlad replied brightly. Ed had his own meal in front of him, sitting facing away from the keyboard as he took his time eating. Vlad joined him, sitting at his desk and doing the same, allowing them to talk face to face as they ate.

"Are you ready to fight the dragon later?" Ed questioned as he cut up his pancakes. "Since we're resting, I've been trying to figure out what spells I should prepare for the day to fight it." Vlad snorted, shaking his head.

"Knowing Harriet, she'll likely make the dragon a red herring that goes down with ease and dick us over with the actual boss that'll be invincible to half our party because it's immune the attacks that destroy the damn dragon," Vlad replied before taking a big sip of coffee. Burning hot, but delicious. Ed chuckled in amusement.

"She's always made it fair though," Ed replied. "Her boss battles are never unbeatable."

"Yeah, but she makes every campaign some Water Temple level meets 90s point and click mystery game difficulty and outrageous puzzle solving," Vlad grumbled.

"I like it, it's good critical thinking practice," Ed replied. "I've used some of her puzzles in the games I DM for the students. Really makes them think rather than just attacking everything. I swear, one of my students, Nathan, he just loves rolling to attack every NPC I make."

"Sounds like a ninny," Vlad said as he took a bite of his greasy fast food. The best part about the summer was Ed not having to teach. They could dedicate the whole day to hanging out. Of course, Ed took up a summer job, but he was able to secure Tuesdays off.

"A bit, but a good kid," Ed always spoke fondly of his students. "You should come in sometime for a game, it'd be fun."

"I think I might," Vlad agreed thoughtfully.

Of course, going to Casper High was always hit or miss. Daniel was there, and it was always nice to be able to check in on the little badger. But as mayor and a billionaire that funded several scholarships, it would be nice publicity to go and have some face time with kids. Many of his high school interns had graduated and left for college, and he was in the market for some new ones. Might be able to find some promising new future employees too. Hm, he'd have to see where he could fit a Casper High visit into his schedule when school began. Vlad would worry about that another time.

"How's their gay club?" Vlad questioned. "You guys just formed one, right?"

"It's got a steady group of kids who come in, very good kids. Many have supportive parents now," Ed explained. The teacher had paused, giving a small sigh. "It's a double edge sword for me. On one hand, I'm so grateful that so many of them can be who they are. But...I don't know. I hate that we never got to have that."

Vlad nodded understandingly. He poked at his breakfast, feeling hunger temporarily leave him as those depressive memories came back.

"I'll forever be thankful that Mother wanted to apologize and make amends before she died," Vlad spoke. "But I'm sorry she missed out on so much because of what I had to do to become happy. At least she passed away recognizing me as her son."

The last memories of his mother was depressing. Elderly and sick with cancer, even with all the money Vlad began to throw at her once she reached out to him after nearly twenty years of refusing to speak to him. Whether his sister wore her down, or it was deathbed regrets. It was an emotional two years, being able to see his mom again.

"Mine's in better shape than me, and they're still calling me by my old name," Ed complained. "I don't think it'll ever change. I try to keep a relationship, cause of the kids, but I don't know if it's even worth it anymore."

Silence hung in the air as they separately mourned for what it all cost them. Of course, it was worth it. Absolutely worth it to be happy, to be comfortable and finally as they should be, but it didn't make the cost any less harsh of a price to pay.

"Their generation will be better," Vlad said firmly. Ed nodded in agreement. "Please let me know if any of them need binders or anything of the sorts."

"I will. I've been thinking about starting a clothing drive for them," Ed explained. "I can probably get the school on board with it if we market it as for the lower income students too. Dressing how you want makes a big difference."

"You get the details sorted out, and I will absolutely financially back you," Vlad promised. Ed smiled.

"Thank you. I may start working on that to propose for this school year," Ed mused.

For the bumbling oaf that Jack was, Vlad had to admit that he was a very loving and caring man. A bit too caring, honestly, it was a bit of a flaw. He had immediately accepted Vlad, and later on his own son. It always warmed him to remember that Daniel had two parents that had immediately gotten him everything a young trans man could ever need. No hesitation, no questioning.

Ed took a final bite of his breakfast before humming happily. He wiped his hands as he pushed to toss his empty containers into the trash can.

"Enough being sad, let's raid," he suggested. Vlad hurriedly took his last two bites before nodding in agreement.

123456789

The raid was broken up with greasy Chinese takeout for lunch, brought to them by a staff. Another guilty pleasure Vlad rarely indulged in. Then, of course, it was a return to games before they changed into their normal attire, sitting down to a home cooked dinner by staff. By the time they were finishing up, their other guests had begun to arrive for the evening plans.

Vlad always hosted the game. It just always made the most sense. He had the most room in his house, nor the distractions of family. Not that he disliked Lance nor Ed's children, they were great, but there was nothing that ruined the immersion of dragon slaying quite like teenage dramatics. And he thought that playing with toddlers in the house was frustrating.

The four sat in yet another room in Vlad's mansion that he had dedicated fully to the hobby. A large round table with Harriet Chin sitting furthest from them. A DM folder that separated her papers from there, just low enough that the halfa could see her smirking to herself as she reviewed her plans. Ed sat to her left, with an empty seat in between them. Another empty seat in between him and Vlad, and yet another separated Vlad from Lance Thunder.

Vlad honestly didn't really know the man that well yet. He was one of Harriet's coworkers that she had dragged into the summer game, as Vlad and Ed needed a third person in the party for this campaign. Their normal fourth and fifth friends, Joe and Frank, were spending the summer with their daughter and their newborn granddaughter. He already missed the pair terribly, especially Frank. Frank would often join in on their World of Warcraft adventures. But Lance was gay, and that made him okay enough for Vlad to accept him into their little queer circle with little complaint.

"I wouldn't get her a car unless she had good grades," Vlad gave his two cents into the conversation. Something about Lance's daughter wanting a car. Lance nodded.

"That's what I've been saying, but Alan keeps saying that if Star had her own car, she could begin driving herself to the library and to school to study, but I just don't buy that," Lance agreed. Vlad knew by now who those people were. Alan was Lance's husband, Star was Lance's daughter from his first marriage. Vlad had seen pictures of Star before. She was a spitting image of Lance. "She's more interested in being with her friends."

"And what does Rene think?" Ed questioned about the ex-wife's opinion. Lance shrugged.

"She doesn't think Star needs a car," Lance replied. "Public transportation isn't bad here, she can always borrow one of our cars, and lots of colleges won't let you have cars as a freshman anyway. So it'd be sitting in the driveway in a year or so for a year anyway."

"Star's going to be a junior, right?" Vlad questioned. Lance nodded. Vlad mentally went over his garage of cars. "When she's able to have a car on her college campus, I'll happily give her a good deal on one of my cars if she has good grades. I'll probably be retiring one of my cars by then. Of course, it's not going to be some beat up piece of junk." Lance's eyes widened.

"I'll definitely keep that in mind," Lance smiled warmly at him.

"Vlad sold my oldest, Ophelia, a car about five years ago. Car still runs like it's new," Ed spoke up.

"Ophelia just began graduate school, didn't she?" Harriet questioned, finally speaking up. She had been nose deep in her campaign notes. Ed nodded.

"She got in at the University of Chicago, full ride," Ed beamed with pride, and Vlad was very proud too. Ophelia, his precious goddaughter, was like a niece to him. Very smart, quick-witted and the only one who could match Ed's passion for literature. Of course, Vlad provided her with that full ride scholarship, as he did with her younger siblings, and eventually he would do the same for Ed's remaining two when they got to that point. No niece or nephew of his was going to college with student debts. "George is set to graduate soon too, this is his last year. Before med school anyway."

Ahh, little Georgie. Vlad got to spend a lot of time with him. He was one of Vlad's interns at Axion Labs. A strong willed boy, good head on his shoulders. Sometimes a little too honest, but the world needed more people like that. Whenever the billionaire stopped by Axion Labs, he always paid a visit to his favorite intern. It was always those times he spent with Ed's children that Vlad regretted not having his own.

"So how's the cat, Vlad?" Harriet asked, giving a small smirk. She could always seem to sniff out his emotions. Damn journalists. They were a bit too observant. Vlad rolled his eyes.

"How's yours?" he asked back. She chuckled.

"Bandit's the happiest boy alive, I just got him a nice new cat tower," she replied. Vlad nodded.

"I just had a new cat house for Maggie built," Vlad told her. Of course, he was never going to admit to his friends, most of them knowing the ghost huntress, that he named his cat after a long term crush. "It's going to be installed in the next week or so. You should bring Bandit over then. Maggie loves him."

"Oh I might," Harriet hummed happily. "It's been a while since Bandit got to hang out with Maggie."

"Does anybody want a drink before we begin?" Vlad questioned.

"Can I have a glass of rosé wine?" Harriet questioned. The billionaire smirked.

"Of course," he replied. He glanced to Ed and Lance.

"Uh, just gimme a beer, you know what I like," Ed shrugged. Lance thought for a moment.

"I may just have some wine too," Lance spoke.

Vlad nodded, and he stood to go to the intercom on the wall. All of the rooms in his house had it for his staff. He pushed it, and he requested the drinks, alongside what he knew to be choice snacks.

Almost as soon as Vlad had sat down, a male staff member came with a tray. It was full of cheese and crackers, popcorn, chips and fondue. Another staff member came with drinks and glasses.

Vlad picked up a beer like Ed, cracking it open and taking a long drink. Of course, in any other company, he'd indulge in wine. Beer was not something one could normally drink at a formal business function, and so he always took advantage of the times he could freely have some.

They began. A small discussion, and as the billionaire expected, the dragon went down easy. Suspiciously easy. Harriet gave the group before her a mischievous grin just over her DM folder. Vlad didn't like this, or that look in her eye.

"So you guys defeated the dragon," the reporter replied slyly. "But there's no loot to collect on him. The dragon dissolves and melts away. Everybody roll for perception and add your stuff. Then tell me what you got."

Oh, he definitely did not like this a single bit. Vlad eyed her coldly as he picked up his dice. Ed and Lance did the same.

"Visual or hearing, I'm missing an eye so I'd have to roll disadvantage otherwise," Ed reminded her.

"Hearing!" Harriet chirped. He nodded.

"Uh, sixteen then," he replied.

"Ten," Lance said.

"Twenty-two," Vlad spoke.

"You hear nothing," Harriet told Lance, pointing to him. She moved her finger to Ed. "You hear a small noise, two voices. But they're a bit muffle, you can't quite make out the entire conversation. But you do hear some words. The general jist of the conversation you can make out is that these individuals have realized you killed the dragon and are here." Harriet pointed to Vlad. "You! However, you can hear everything. It's a rough voice of a masculine figure telling somebody to prepare for battle, somebody has killed their precious dragon. They're going to detect your thoughts to determine your next movements before making their next move."

"I cast detect magic," Vlad replied. Harriet's eyes sparkled.

"It failed," she announced gleefully. Vlad internally groaned, and he could see Ed looking confused. "So what will you guys do."

Lance scratched his temple as he stared at his character sheet. He was not just new to the group, but to the game itself. The weather man studied his sheet for a moment as he tried to think. He took a long sip of his wine before speaking.

"Well uh, I think my guy is just gonna look for the treasure, cause I didn't hear anything," Lance said slowly. "And I'm still really interested in the promised gold."

"I tell him to not, because we should be careful," Ed spoke up quickly. "Because of what I heard."

"You tell your party what you heard?" Harriet questioned. She had leaned back in her seat, a leg over the arm of the chair as she held her beverage. The lesbian lightly swirled her wine in her glass before taking a long drink.

"Yeah, I tell my party what I heard," Ed clarified.

"And I'll tell them what I heard," Vlad agreed. "Because I need these people alive to keep me alive. They're my meat shields." Harriet snickered.

"So the prince never mentioned anything but a dragon being in here," Ed said slowly. "It must be another adventuring party trying to get the treasure. Prince Yamum said he did send several people to collect the family amulet."

"I say we kill them," Vlad suggested. Ed looked at him in disapproval, and Vlad shrugged. "My character's selfish. He doesn't want to share the loot with this party, and he doesn't want to share the rewards for returning the amulet."

"I agree," Lance said slowly. "My guy doesn't want the competition."

"No, no!" Ed said sternly. "We are NOT killing him, he may have useful information for us or be able to help."

"There's two voices, so that's a five way split between treasure," Lance pointed out. Vlad glanced to see Harriet's reaction. She was grinning like a fool, with that distinctive sparkle in her eye. She was absolutely up to something, and she looked like a true super villain. Evil plots forming her mind. Vlad trusted her with nothing, and yet he admired this chaotic evil lesbian. Harriet was his villain goals.

"Harriet, I swear on your grave," Vlad began his threat, only to stop with a frown at Harriet's devilish giggle.

"The individual detects your negative and violent thoughts," she announced cheerfully. She finished off her glass, shifting to have both legs over the armrest, her back against the opposite one. "And they have deduced that you're a threat that needs to be taken care of. Congratulations, boys. You're encountering the real boss." Vlad scowled.

"I knew you were going to do this, you always pull some weird bait and switch thing!" Vlad complained. Harriet smirked. "Lemme guess. It's a, it's a, god what would be the worst thing to fight right now." Vlad racked his mind for a possible enemy. "A rakshasa? Probably with a shield guardian too."

Harriet's smirk only widened. And Vlad knew he was correct.

"Roll for initiative, bitch."

[soulvomit]

We really judge women who don't fit in within gender-conforming spaces. Both right wing and left wing culture spaces do it.

We're so used to the trad flavor of gendered policing that lots of us mistake its lack for the lack of gender conformity and gendered obedience policing.

We've found social justicey and superficially feminist-flavored ways to do it: accusing those women of being "pick me" or "~not like other girls~". It's not accepted at all for a woman to have made any choices specific to her own survival, success, or comfort that don't somehow broadly benefit large groups of people. (This may be a white analysis, largrly; I feel like this is a dynamic within white feminism and don't know how it maps to other people at all.)

We aren't allowed to be gender non-conforming except in specific and prescribed ways and contexts. What's happened is that we've had some broadening of those contexts within the last twenty years (and narrowing of some) but the same basic rules remain.

Trads and leftists differ only superficially, but the basic rules are the same, and I'm going to say are some of the unspoken social rules for being a (white, middle class) woman, that are largely enforced by women and not men:

Always follow the crowd; only have an opinion or taste based on group consensus

Women are not allowed individual opinions. It's okay to speak your mind or create original content *only* as long as you're boosting a more prioritized person or group. (We're allowed to comment on things, especially by either giving our seal of approval or demanding cancellation. We're allowed to make transformative material.)

We are only allowed to do things and make career choices that benefit large groups of people. Trads expect women to be completely at the service of their immediate family and community. White middle class leftists have the same unconscious viewpoints but substitute who women are supposed to be in deference to.

We are at the mercy of changing public opinion at every moment of our lives.

Everything we do, consume, or promote has to be safe for children. This means we are expected, as adults, to consume all media at a child's level of education and development, and policed as "dangerous" if we don't.

Your lived experience doesn't count, only the authorities' opinion of your lived experience.

You're not allowed to have differing viewpoints about the treatment and dispensation of your own body and psyche, whether sexually or at the hands of the medical and mental health professions.

You're supposed to always be paying attention to rapidly shifting norms and rapidly shifting public whims and moods at all times, to a degree that men don't have to within their own groups.

You must always pay attention to a huge amount of unspoken stuff and be *hypervigilant* to these changing moods at all times within your own group lest you be abandoned (or even turned in by) the only group you can take shelter in.

You're never allowed to make broad social commentary of any kind, unless you're actively policing people or championing a broadly supported politically neutral cause.

In many cases, you're only allowed to be political in ways that don't ask anything of anyone.

You're not actually allowed to be smart except in very specific contexts.

**

And the thing is, both trads and young leftists act out these same social dynamics in their groups.

The thing is, when I was growing up in the 80s, I heard all of those same things from other girls, that I see young women say to each other now. The difference is that the girl bullies sneering at me were superficially different. They were the types who would never be suspended if we were both brought in for fighting, regardless of who picked the fight. And now there are two visible groups of middle class white girl/woman bullies (leftists and trads) instead of one (in the 80s, in my spaces, it was squares and the popular types).

Here some of the things I've been policed about by other women: working in tech, when I worked in tech. During this time, I had mostly male friends, and was judged for it. But I had mostly male friends because of how I was judged for my work! Women techies and professional types treated me like I didn't deserve to be doing as well as I was, since I hadn't gone through the same sex-specific institutional gatekeeping that is never put on men (it's not ok apparently for women to be raised in a trade or have family connections because it's not okay for women to leverage their existing advantages). But other women (normies, trads, leftists) also disapproved. Normies because why did I think I was better than most other women, who the fuck did I think I was to even try for anything other women don't get. Trads because how dare I do a non-traditional profession and or spend so much time around men. Leftists because I was taking space away from less advantaged women.

(In fact, it's only when I later worked in health care that I seemed to have the approval of a broad number of women.)

Having any friends who are men (but until a few years ago, it was okay for them to be gay men) was bad. Having friends who are women who aren't liked by other women was bad. (Notice that nerdy women and LGBTQ women NEVER EVER count in the analysis when you're accused of not being friends with or liking other women? ONLY cis homosocial women count in this analysis, as if nobody else counts as a woman?)

It is really frustrating to be a woman and have any kind of inner world. Can't talk to many men (ironically, it's in groups that attracted socially othered men that *did* give me places where I was allowed to have an interior life and non-homogenous opinions).

Even leaving aside stuff we always talk about in both feminist and self help spaces, leaving aside "Men are from Mars/bla bla bla" stuff: many men just aren't allowed to introspect at that level, either, except in specific contexts, and it's not something you become an expert at overnight after a lifetime of being told that listening to women speak equals switching places as authority figures, or that sharing is gay and that's bad. But it's also next to impossible in some cases to reach out to many women because of the same-gender policing.

And what are you supposed to do as a woman who has these thoughts and feelings, just sit and accept the gaslighting?

In my own case: I feel like a majority of any peace I've come to, and actually good choices I've made, have bucked the crowds. I've had to decide for myself what I want from my life and how I want to be treated, and what kinds of spaces I want to be in.

I can't even imagine being able to do that without leveraging existing advantages. Which apparently is bad, or something. You aren't allowed to do or want anything that mainly concerns yourself.

But we all reach a point in our life where we have to ask ourselves how we want to age, what space we want to be in when we're old.

And at that point and moving forward what mostly matters is *your* happiness and where are all those Mean Girls in your life NOW?

[hogwartsinthemoonlight]

Big Bang Theory Series Finale Thoughts

Alright everyone, I watched the Big Bang Theory series finale last Thursday and I have a lot of thoughts about it that I need to get out so I’m gonna dump them all here. Here goes...

Alright so first of all, I’m a huge TBBT fan. It’s my #1 favorite TV show, and it was the first show that I really got into. I’ve watched every single episode from all 12 seasons. I first got hooked on the show because I felt like I could relate to the characters, since I am also a nerdy scientist (well I’m studying science in university) struggling to find love. I found the humor to be hilarious and it always made me laugh. The evolution of the all characters has been very enjoyable to watch over the years. I loved all the references to other fandoms, and to science concepts. I always found it amusing when the boys would talk about something physics-related and I would actually understand it because I had learned about it at school. It made me feel smart. Seeing the show come to an end after so long was very sad for me.

WARNING: THE BIG BANG THEORY SERIES FINALE SPOILERS AHEAD

There will always be people who complain, but I think the two-part series finale was wonderful. It was so nice to see Sheldon and Amy win the Nobel prize, although I wasn’t very surprised by it, since they had been building up to it the entire season. Amy’s acceptance speech was so inspiring. As a female science student, hearing her say “To all young girls who dream about science as a profession: go for it. If anybody tells you you can’t, don’t listen” brought me to tears. And as if that wasn’t enough, Sheldon’s acceptance speech made me cry even more! Hearing him thank his family (even his father!) and all of his friends and apologize for not always being such a great friend was so moving! When he got to Howard’s name I thought for a split second “What’s he gonna say for him since he’s not a doctor? Mr.?” And then he said astronaut which is so much better! He finally appreciated Howard and didn’t belittle him!! Also, at first when Amy decided she wanted to have a makeover I was a little disappointed because Amy had never cared about her appearance before, so why start now? But then when I saw how happy she looked afterwards I couldn’t help but be happy for her. She showed us that a women can be badasses who win Nobel Prizes and look good while doing it! And the tiara even made a comeback!! Loved it! Some people were maybe hoping for Amy to get pregnant, but I don’t think that was necessary. Besides, we already know that eventually Amy and Sheldon do have children, because in the season 1 finale of Young Sheldon, narrator Sheldon says something like “I went on to make contracts even for my future children.”

And the elevator!! I was really hoping that it was going to be fixed and it was!!! I was so happy. The scene where the elevator doors opened and Penny came out was so good. Another unexpected surprise was finally seeing Halley and Michael! I had always wanted to see them, but I wasn’t expecting it to happen, so that was a nice surprise. I think that really rounded out Howard and Bernadette’s story line. The only thing that could’ve still been added to their story was Howard’s father, but I think that would’ve been too much to squeeze into the finale. It would’ve been nice to finally meet him, but honestly I think Howard doesn’t really need him in his life anymore. He has his own family now and he is happy.

Now for Leonard and Penny’s story line: finding out that Penny was pregnant was not exactly unexpected, and I think it was a nice ending to their story. Although Penny has said that she didn’t want kids, I always felt like they were going to have them eventually. I absolutely loved how Sheldon quoted Leonard’s “Our babies will be smart and beautiful” from the pilot!! It really brought the series full circle. I’m sure Leonard and Penny will be great parents. And I loved how the writers even snuck in the little detail of why Leonard always wears hoodies. So funny!

As for Raj’s story line, I think it’s ok that he didn’t end up with a significant other. The second to last episode wrapped up his story pretty well. Howard let him know that he doesn’t need a significant other and that his friends don’t want him to leave, but I wish Raj himself would’ve addressed that in the last episode. He could’ve said something like “You know what guys? I’m ok with still being single, even though I’m the only one. Someday I will find my person, but for now I’m happy to have all of you.” It would’ve been nice to hear that coming from Raj himself instead of Howard. I don’t think Anu was right for him, and I’m glad he didn’t leave everything and go to London for her. Someday Raj will find love. I think the cameo from Sarah Michelle Gellar as Raj’s date to the Nobel ceremony was a little unnecessary, since she would only be around for that one episode. Also, she can’t really be Raj’s love interest since she was playing herself and she is married. I’ve never seen Buffy though, so maybe if I were a fan I would feel differently.

Before watching the finale, I was trying to guess what the very last scene would be. My guess was that everyone would get in the elevator and then the doors would close and that would be the end. However, I liked the real ending as well. It’s the scene that’s in every opening credit, so it makes sense that it’s at the end. And I loved the acoustic version of the theme song and everyone eating takeout on the couch like old times.

All in all, it was an amazing ending and I’m really sad that my favorite show is over 😭😭. Thank god for reruns. Let me know if you guys agree/disagree with me on any of this. (Sorry this was so long but I had a lot of feels.)

[heka-write]

Merlin Rewrite #4: The Arthur-Gwen-Lancelot Triangle

This addition to the series will be both about the individual characters, and the relationships between them. After all, the former is what determines the latter

Gwen’s Role in the Story: 

I feel like once the story hit it’s second season, Gwen’s character was really just reduced to love fodder for Arthur and Lancelot. 

In season 1 we are introduced to Gwen as a shy and nervous village girl. She had lived in Camelot her entire life, and had obviously had to deal with hardships in her family (only a father living with her, brother and mother were visibly missing). She has to deal with being treated as lesser than from the privileged royals, as seen in the many episodes where she is constantly scolded or tried for magic. She has a friendship with Morgana where they talk openly about their problems with one another  (Morgana trusted her with her secret of Mordred in “The Beginning of the End”, and they both decided to go help Merlin in “The Moment of Truth”)  and even Morgana’s interest in other royal men/knights. 

Then Season 2 comes around, and Gwen is suddenly a lot more poised. Her movement is more graceful, her clothes are definitely a glo up from season 1,  and she suddenly is able to criticize Arthur with ease in “The Once and Future Queen”. Like Morgana’s character, Gwen’s seemed to have gone through a personality transplant, albeit a lot more subtle. 

Just look at how she criticizes in Arthur in Season 1 vs Season 2. 

Vs. Season 2, where she is suddenly a lot more articulate and bold. Her words are crafted perfectly and there is no hint of her being nervous at all. 

Maybe it’s just me but clip 1 sounds like a shy, normally hesitant girl who just had to speak up because she saw something wrong, something a royal wouldn’t understand. We know she has great respect for Arthur (as noted in the first clip, “I have faith in you”) but something happened that she just had to say something, despite her nature. 

Clip 2 sounds much more like a headstrong girl who kept her mouth shut because she felt like she had to until her bold personality exploded and she couldn’t contain it. She even says later she thinks he’s an ass, which is a bold statement for a shy girl who said “I have faith in you” so many times to believe. 

Not that there is anything wrong with the latter personality, I just don’t think it was true to Gwen. I feel like they had to mold her personality to make the couple happen in such a short amount of time. 

I feel like in season 1, she was meant as a shy girl who would speak up Arthur did something objectionable, and then come back into her shell. In season 2 she is more hesitant on the basis that he is royal, but she has a bold view on him nonetheless. 

Look at how she talks about Arthur in season 1 and 2 when he’s not around. 

Even in Season 1 “Le Morte d’Arthur” where she is praising him while he sleeps, she is a lot more hesitant and shy about it. She even denies she praised him after he wakes up. Whereas in season 2, she openly trashes him like she didn’t like him at all. 

I feel like Gwen was originally supposed to have admired Arthur from afar but known up front he was an arrogant royal she could never have, like the typical nerdy girl who has a crush on the jock. That’s why she called him a jerk in the first episode and said “who would want to marry Arthur” while secretly professing her faith in him while he was asleep in the season 1 finale. 

 IMO, season 2 seemed to have turn her into the girl that Arthur wanted, and the “only one” who called him out on his shit and then made him fall in love with her. They seemed to turn her into a Cinderella like character who is graceful and poised but stuck in poverty until the prince sees her and falls in love with how great and confident she is. They seemed to flip the script and instead wanted her to be the one who was desired, not the one who was desiring and admiring Arthur from afar. 

Now I LOVE the idea of Gwen going from a shy, nervous village girl to the confident and graceful Queen of the kingdom. The problem with the show, however, was that like Morgana’s character there was no real gradual development. She ends season 1 one way, and starts season 2 a completely different way. There was a big leap in her development. With Gwen, the writer’s went from A-C instead of A-B to B-C, just like they did with Morgana in the end of season 2 and the start of season 3. 

The Arthur and Gwen Relationship 

Not only was Gwen’s development rushed, but it felt like her relationship with Arthur was rushed as well. The same episode where she calls him out for the second time, they fall in love and are kissing. Considering they only interacted twice in season 1, their progression felt very fast. The basis of their relationship was that she called him out, okay. But is that really it? There was nothing else they could have added before having them kiss? And then having 10 different episodes where Arthur almost marries someone and pines for Gwen so they can show how “In love” these two are.

For Arthur, as the show stands, I don’t really know what Gwen brought to his character that Merlin already did. Merlin was already criticizing him, Merlin was already helping him become a better person and a better King, etc. 

If I were doing this relationship, I would make them have a similar connection that Merlin had with Morgana in “The Nightmare Begins”. I will address my feelings on the Merlin and Morgana relationship later, but what is relevant now is that Merlin could understand Morgana’s struggle of figuring out she had magic and feeling alone and afraid of it. He empathized with her pain and reached out to her because of that. They were able to form a quick friendship because of it until later in the season. 

I would have Arthur and Gwen have a similar connection, as they were the non-magical beings in the main quartet of the show. I would probably have them both bond over their love of Camelot. Gwen lived in it her whole life, living amongst the people and the bustling city, and Arthur grew up being taught to care for it and make the best decisions for it. 

I could see them bonding by Gwen teaching him more about the actual village life, not just the politics and the royals behind it. This concept would be an expansion of the “Once and Future Queen” episode because it wouldn’t just be Arthur living in her house for one day; it would be him continuously getting to know the citizens of his kingdom on a personal level. I wouldn’t have them bond just in one episode and then decide they are in love, I would let it happen gradually. 

There’s also the fact that they both seem to have lost their mothers at a young age. They both have a lot of responsibility, Gwen with running her house after her father and brother are gone and Arthur with ruling the Kingdom. There are a lot of things that their characters could have bonded over, but instead of taking advantage of that I feel like the writer’s just rushed to have them together with blaring violins in the background. 

I could see Gwen showing Arthur to love the parts of the Kingdom (and the people) he wasn’t exposed to due to his sheltered upbringing. I could see her continuously calling him out the way she did in season 1, and him genuinely learning from her. This would be a new perspective brought into Arthur’s vision since Merlin did not grow up in Camelot. We would actually see Arthur seeing her love for the Kingdom he also loves. 

I could also see Arthur slowly helping her out of her shell. Not only does he have a huge ego that he can share (lol), but he could show her not to be afraid since he’s a trained fighter. If anyone could reassure her she’s a help to the kingdom, it would be him. 

The Gwen-Arthur-Lancelot Triangle 

The love triangle that is so infamous in Arthurian legend, was very underplayed and underutilized in the show. 

Gwen and Lancelot seemed to have a genuine attraction to each other in the first and second season. Once Arthur had taken over as King, however, it seemed Gwen and Lance was brushed aside for Arthur X Gwen with the cheating scandal being all magical compulsion and not real feelings. This lead to really boring conflict, imo, because we all knew that Gwen was innocent and there was no question that she would find her way back to Arthur. There was no real question or complexity in the situation. 

Obviously, I don’t condone cheating IRL but I do think it would have been much better for the show if Gwen did actually had an affair with Lancelot. At the time of the situation, Arthur was increasingly starting to act like Uther. He decided he would fight against magic, he was mistreating his citizens, following what Agravaine told him to do and following tradition instead of improving it. I could definitely see a situation where Gwen gets put off with Arthur losing his humanity and compassion, and she turns to his rival (Lancelot) who still embodies those attributes. 

Heck, we could avoid the cheating aspect of the situation altogether if they did an Arwen slow burn. Arthur could be ready to confess his feelings for Gwen and ask her to go steady but stops when he sees her getting close to Lancelot. Seeing them could kick start his development by asking what he was doing wrong (becoming like his tyrant father) that made Gwen choose his rival over himself.

This situation would be a lot more interesting because Gwen’s feelings would actually be conflicted between the two men, instead of having the audience already know. Having the love triangle influence Arthur’s development would affect the main plot of him accepting the poor/magical people and changing the old ways of Camelot. 

Conclusion: 

Gwen’s character, and her famous relationships with these two men were seriously underdeveloped in the show. I think what I presented has a lot of potential for interesting conflict and the show should have followed suite, imo. 

[bemusedlybespectacled]

I’ve been thinking about going to law school in Boston, do you any advice for taking the LSAT?

This is going to be a bit more involved than just “how to take the LSAT” just as a warning.

First: do not go to law school unless you absolutely want to be a lawyer. Do not go to law school because you don’t know what else to do with your life, or because you want to make money, or because your parents want you to. Go to law school because you genuinely like the idea of being a lawyer.

Most of law isn’t inside a courtroom (unless you’re a public defender but then you have your own set of issues). Most of law is doing paperwork and writing essays. But don’t let me fool you into thinking that law is something where you sit in an office and talk to no one! Oh no!

Law is a service profession. Lawyers are the unholy lovechildren of therapists and waitresses. You are being paid to deal with other people’s problems, problems that make them unhappy. People tend to act irrationally when they’re unhappy. And while you don’t have to, necessarily, put up with outright abuse, you do have to put up with a lot of crap with a smile on your face, even when your client is actively trying to scupper his own case singlehandedly and then yelling at you when it goes wrong. Also, networking. We all have to network, because how you act determines how other lawyers (and judges!) will treat you. Even though it sucks and so much of it is just drinking with other lawyers in the room.

Now, let me say: I happen to love law anyway. I am a huge nerd and law is one of the subjects I’m nerdy about. Maybe I will feel differently once I’ve actually, you know, practiced. But I loved law school, and I even liked bar prep, so I think I’ll be okay. I’m a person who happens to like doing shitty stuff that I can complain about later: it’s oddly cathartic.

So, you’ve decided you want to go to law school anyway. Apply to a bunch of different schools, and research them thoroughly before applying. I hedged my bets when I was applying for things after college and I applied to both law schools and grad programs. I got into every law school I applied to and only like two of the grad programs: the school I ended up going to asked me to apply and then gave me a full-tuition scholarship. (Note: this very rarely happens: every other school but one only gave me partial tuition) Had I known from the beginning how easy it is to get into law school, I would have applied to a lot more and had more to choose from.

Boston is hella fucking expensive (all colleges in Boston are). My worst offer was $15k a year scholarship (for a $50k tuition) from Boston University. My student loans on college graduation were $27k - going to BU would have been great, and sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I’d accepted, but it would have cost me roughly $105,000 over three years and I just couldn’t afford that. Penn State gave me a free fucking ride, and I graduated with three years of extra interest built up but no additional loans. So my advice is to apply to a bunch including ones outside Boston (hell, I’d even go outside Massachusetts), and then compare based on your financial situation. Then, of the ones that are financially good, compare rankings and programs.

So, to get to your question: the LSAT.

The LSAT has three sections: logical reasoning, analytical reasoning, and reading comprehension. 

Reading comprehension works essentially the same as it did on the SAT and ACT: you read a passage and answer questions. This was the part I scored super high in because I read hella fast and have excellent comprehension and retention. I have no idea how to advise people to study for this because I didn’t.

Logical reasoning is, IMO, the most applicable section to law. You read a question and have to say what the argument is. The language is going to sound fancy (ex: “uses a case in which direct evidence is available to draw a conclusion about an analogous case in which direct evidence is unavailable”) but if you’re able to translate in your head what they’re saying, it becomes more clear (ex: uses knowledge of Thing A to assume something about Thing B). 

Occasionally you have to fill in gaps: I remember one question was something like “some studies show that people who brush their teeth more often suffer from worse cavities: what would explain this discrepancy?” and the answer was “brushing teeth after eating brushes away softened enamel” and I only got that one right because I knew that fact already, not because I logically inferred it.

Analytical reasoning is something that apparently math people do super well on. I sucked at it. I took a class specifically in symbolic logic to help me with it and it was still my worst subject. Behold, a recreation of one of my questions on the LSAT analytical portion:

A rug factory makes rugs in either two or three different colors of yarn. They have five colors of yarn: peach, teal, blue, yellow, and orange. Orange can never be next to peach, and blue can never be next to yellow. If each color is only used once, how many rugs can you make before I stab this question with my pencil and kill the writer by proxy?

My advice is to take an LSAT prep course - I didn’t and I think I could have scored higher if I had. But they’re expensive and time consuming - if you can’t do that, buy a study book and do it yourself.

There’s also an essay. It’s unscored and only sent to law schools as a writing sample. Usually schools will ask for other writing samples so I wouldn’t put too much emphasis on the LSAT’s one, but prepare for it anyway. There’s no right answer, it’s about making a compelling argument. I remember mine was like “Jack is a lawyer about to make a career change. He can either be a judge (stable, leaves him time for his family, but doesn’t pay well) or be a politician (unstable, requires frequent travel to campaign, pays very well and has prestige). Which one should Jack choose?” Your whole thing is to give points in favor or against in a smart way. 

On the day of: the LSAT is long. When I took the SAT in high school, it was like three hours (though apparently since 2016 it’s gotten longer by like an hour?). The LSAT is four hours, not including breaks, which bumps it up to five. You start at like 8 AM and get out after noon. It is done on paper, in one room with rows of seats, not on a computer like the GRE. Be prepared for this, and take practice tests if it’s been a while since you’ve done a testing marathon. 

You are not penalized for incorrect answers. If you are running out of time, just guess rather than leaving a question blank.

That’s about as much as I can think of right now. Feel free to ask more stuff and I’ll get back to it after it’s not 3 AM. XD

[askblueberrymuffin]

REALLY LONG CHARACTER SURVEY.

RULES. repost ,   don’t  reblog  !  good  luck  !

TAGGED. @vertebralheights sorta? TAGGING. I dunno, do what u want

BASICS.

FULL NAME: Sans Gaster

NICKNAME:  Blueberry, Muffin, Blue

AGE: 23

BIRTHDAY: July 1st, 20XX

ETHNIC GROUP: Skeleton/Shadow Monster

NATIONALITY: Underground??

LANGUAGE(S): English, Wingdings(?)

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Asexual

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Panromantic

RELATIONSHIP STATUS:  Forever alone Single

CLASS: Middle class? Maybe upper middle when their mom was around?

HOMETOWN / AREA: Snowdin

CURRENT HOME: Still Snowdin, same house and everything

PROFESSION: Sentry, but he’ll likely pursue higher education soon

PHYSICAL.

HAIR: Skeleton?

EYES: Usually cerulean blue.

NOSE:  Nope

FACE:  Boney (har har)

LIPS:  Still skeleton

COMPLEXION: Guess what? Skeleton

WEIGHT:  Like, 9 lbs.

BUILD: Bony boi

FEATURES:  Solid shadow? In skull and ribcage? Also tiny nubby tail

ALLERGIES: Straight up a magic skeleton

USUAL HAIRSTYLE: No?

USUAL FACE LOOK: A bright smile

USUAL CLOTHING: So many sweaters. Too many sweaters. And baggy pants. And cerulean boots. Of course all topped off with his scarf, tied as a bandana.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR(S): His brothers dying, Cake killing himself(again), Cake self harming(more), being abandoned, hurting others, using others, being alone, fire, being burned, the kitchen, ice picks, chisels, sledge hammers, lighters, people getting hurt because of him, people dying because of him-- *SLAPS ROOF OF SANS* THIS BAD BOI CAN FIT SO MANY FEARS and he hides them all so they never get any better, someone help him oh my god--

ASPIRATION(S) : He wants to help others however he can. He also would really like to be come a scientist, but he puts that aside for the former

POSITIVE TRAITS: Excitable, loving, affectionate, intelligent, optimistic, resourceful, adaptable, perseverance, determination, overwhelming kindness and forgiveness

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Depressed, fakes many emotions, fakes many situations, fakes his persona, shoves his own feelings aside constantly, takes all the blame, always takes the fall, forgives instantly, never blames anyone, too trusting, can be absent minded, easily distracted, never honest about his own feelings to other or to himself, won’t tell people when they’re hurting him, will do almost anything you tell him, he’s entirely too codependent, his entire life revolves around his brothers, if you take that away he doesn’t know who he is anymore, he’s content now but if he were to ever not be, that is a very, very steep slope with no coming back. Get this baby a therapist, someone.

ZODIAC: A hecking crab Cancer

TEMPERAMENT: He only gets upset when bad stuff happens to others or they talk bad about themselves. Otherwise you could literally stab him and-- WAIT people literally did torture him and he was not at all upset! Ahhh--

SOUL TYPE(S):  Monster Soul?

ANIMALS:  Probably some kind of dog. He’d be the goodest good boy.

VICE  HABIT(S): He stress bakes and stress cleans. Don’t take that for innocence as he’s tried other things. A lot of other things. But he has 1 HP, hates the choking feel of smoke and can’t get drunk if his life depended on it. ...Perhaps it isn’t so innocent though, looking at all he does.

FAITH: Who needs gods when you’re a massive science nerd

GHOSTS?: Yes?

AFTERLIFE?: He believes there is none. A part of him hopes he is wrong.

REINCARNATION?: He’s a science nerd, he hasn’t put much thought into this stuff.

ALIENS?: He believes with the vastness of the universe, likely? He wants to meet one.

POLITICAL ALIGNMENT: Heavy shrugging? He only wishes the Queen were more open.

ECONOMIC  PREFERENCE: None in particular

SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION: He’s content where things are.

EDUCATION LEVEL: High school. He hopes to change this now that they actually have money--

FAMILY.

FATHER: Wingdings Gaster

MOTHER: D̵̀́͟͜r̶̶̶̛̕.̴̀ ̷̡̨̢P̶̧e̢̡̕n̷̷̨̧u̴̶m̡̛͘͠͠b̧͞͠r̴̷̨͞ą̧̛͘ ̸̨G̴̡͜͜͠a̵͜s̢̀͜t̢e͠҉̕͟r̷͏̢̢̀

SIBLINGS: Papyrus ‘Cake’ Gaster (younger), Papyrus ‘Rex’ (older)

EXTENDED FAMILY: Sakura Shalie (niece), Martin Magnus (nephew)

NAME MEANING(S): I dunno, ask their mom OH WAIT-- (imsorry)

HISTORICAL CONNECTION?: His mom was the royal scientist, while his dad killed the human who possessed the soul of integrity. Perhaps in certain timelines caused by a certain human, he may have been more historically important (winkwinknudgenudge)

FAVORITES.

BOOK: Pffff-- Textbooks, old scientific studies, non-fiction, history texts, books on space, really just picture anything nerdy. He loves it. Oh yeah, and sci-fi.

MOVIE: The first Star Wars film, he will fight

5 SONGS: Dollhouse, Sleeping Powder, More Than Words, Squid Melody [Blue Version], Cut My Hair

DEITY: Can I just put Phil Swift here? I’m doing it.

HOLIDAY: Christmas

MONTH:  July. Birthday time!

SEASON: Indifferent. They all seem the same to him.

PLACE: Quiet places no one else can reach

WEATHER: Storms. Rain storms on the surface.

SOUND: Laughter

SCENT(S):  Laundry, baking, cooking

TASTE(S): He loves tomatoes? In juice, sandwiches, food in general? Yeah.

FEEL(S):  Warm, soft, physical contact with other living beings.

ANIMAL(S): He loves dogs? All dogs. So many dogs. He wants to pet them all. All dogs.

NUMBER: 9 now. XD

COLORS: He likes orange and blue. He says his favourite colours are his dad’s eyes. Which sounds adorable tbh--

EXTRA.

TALENTS: He’s a little smarty pants with a good memory. Helpful for science, helpful for reloads. He’s decent at cooking and is much, much to physically strong for his 1 HP?? He also has quite the great handle on his magic. Fighting him isn’t fun, at all. He’s only been fairly beaten once. He’s empathetic, great at reading people and a masterful deceiver. He could be a super villain with his manipulation abilities tbh, but he just hates the idea of using people.

BAD AT:  He acts before he thinks. He switches from topic to topic and overpowers conversation. He’s quick to defend others and gets himself hurt like this more often than not, and mentally he’s an absolute wreck. He can be overbearing and clingy though, especially to those close to him. The more paranoid he becomes, the more annoying he seems in these ways.

HOBBIES: Reading, cooking, cleaning. He’s starting to get back into actual hobbies like reading with Rex around. He used to just not have them.

TROPES:  He is about the best supporting ally and mom friend one can be. His best quality is being able to lift people up high. He however, cannot do this to himself.

AESTHETIC TAGS:  #space , #baking

GPOY  QUOTES: ((I don’t know what this is--))

FC INFO.

MAIN  FC(S): No

ALT FC(S): Nope

OLDER FC(S): Nuh-uh

YOUNGER  FC(S): Nadda

VOICE CLAIM(S): ((I have no idea?? The closest would be Cryaotic but I honestly have no idea the specifics))

GENDERBENT FC(S): Nah

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1: if you could write your character your way in their own movie, what would it be called, what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?:  If I were to write it??? It would turn into something psychological or horror related. Blue would fit wonderfully in a deconstruction of the human(or i guess skeleton??) mind. Hopefully it’d be about him seeming alright but being an absolute mess and managing to realize there is indeed a problem and work through his issues with friends, family and some professional help. That’d be lovely.

Q2: what would their soundtrack / score sound like?:  He listens to anything catchy, though likes chiptune and electronica. He’d probably make his own soundtrack out of other video game soundtracks though, he’s a doofus.

Q3: why did you start writing this character?: I... Don’t know?? Huh. Guess I did a little bit about... Three years back? I didn’t do a whole lot with him, but that’s around when he met his niece and nephew. Hm.

Q4: what first attracted you to this character?:  Papyrus is my favourite undertale character. Sans is my second favourite. Mash them together and what do you get? A cool science boy! A sad cool science boy that covers his pain with laughter and smiles. Someone help him.

Q5: describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse: He won’t let anyone in, in any way that matters. He’s affectionate to everyone and it would be so easy to use and abuse him. He so strong in some areas and so weak in others. His whole life is his brothers and I’m often lost as to what I should make him do as he doesn’t keep hobbies really due to being busy. He never sleeps, works himself to exhaustion and picks everyone up despite being hurt himself. He thinks he knows what he is but he’s wrong. He thinks he’s fine but he’s not. He denies these problems in himself so hard that even he’s deceived by his act. It’s frustrating in a way even if it is interesting? As a writer I want to break him apart and crush him but as a person I want someone, anyone to finally see through this and HELP him. But no matter the hints I give or things I mention, no one has tried. I suppose he just hides it too well. Ahh...

Q6: what do you have in common with your muse?: Super depressed! Uh-- Ha, put up a mask. Hide pain with jokes. Try to see the silver lining in situations. Loooove space. And science. Psychology’s a huge yes.

Q8: what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with?: Citrus is always neat. Rex and him also have an extremely interesting dynamic. Fluff and him are adorable and fun, and I want so much more of them. Sakura’s is hilarious because she’s literally a god in her multiverse and she’s just accepted him as being able to break all laws of space and time

Q9: what gives you inspiration to write your muse?:  The interactions and dynamics he creates with other characters as well as the unique story and plot aspects that can be created!

Q10: how long did this take you to complete?:  At least two hours. Maybe longer. Oh jeez--

[nvrendngstry]

“This kind of support may seem close to pointless, and it often is, but it does serve a purpose.” Seungmin read the text quietly to himself as he hunched over the book in front of him, placed on top of the library table he currently occupied. It was early in the morning, and although he had been awake all night studying, he still managed to make it to the campus library at seven o’clock sharp. In Seungmin’s mind there was no room for slacking off, and not making it to campus two hours before his first class of the day was considered slacking off. Books needed to be read, notes needed to be taken, and he couldn’t do either one if he allowed himself to sleep in.

He blindly grabbed the cup of iced coffee sitting next to him, a large iced americano with three extra shots of espresso to keep him going. “The use of an authority that is not necessarily more persuasive or more authoritative than one that could be marshaled for the opposite proposition provides at least the minimal assurance that the user of the authority is not simply making up the argument out of whole cloth.” He stopped at the end of the paragraph he was reading and looked up from his book, quirking his lips aside in thought before he took a long drink of his coffee, keeping the straw in his mouth as he continued on with reading.

Seungmin was the type of student to absorb himself completely in his assignments. An overachiever with no life outside of his classes. He was shy and timid with little to no social skills. While other students were socializing with one another and throwing parties to meet more people, Seungmin could be found hiding in the corner of the library with his nose shoved in a book or completely hidden at home writing paper after paper. That was how he liked it. After all, he worked hard to be accepted into uni and his dream of becoming a prosecutor and following in his father’s footsteps are what kept him on track. But he had so much to learn, not just for the profession but for himself as well.

His timid nature was something he knew he needed to overcome. That paired with his shyness were going to make it difficult in the future, and he knew it. How was he supposed to make it in a court room and actually be a quality prosecutor if he was too afraid? He’d never be able to actually be one, regardless of how much he studied and how well he did in his classes. If he didn’t fix the issues within himself, he would be stuck in one place of just wishful thinking.

But he had the perfect person to help him out of his shell. The very person who said he’d break him out of it. He had to admit he did enjoy spending time with Hyunjin. After all, Hyunjin was technically his first friend and first everything. He was the opposite of himself. He was extroverted while Seungmin was a total introvert. Hyunjin actually went to parties and had a social life, and Seungmin would never step foot into that kind of environment or even give himself the chance to make friends, at least not without Hyunjin by his side to keep him grounded. It wasn’t that he didn’t want friends. He just never had good experiences with trying. Growing up he was always picked on and made fun of because of his appearance. It was pathetic that other kids would see a peer with big glasses and instantly outcast them as a loser. It was even worse when they realized how much he loved to learn. He always valued education, and although other students loved to get answers from him, they never actually treated him with any respect or even in a friendly manner.

His attention focused back on the text in front of him, his eyes scanning over the page as he mindlessly sipped at his coffee.

Hyunjin was someone Seungmin quickly grew to like, and he didn’t expect himself to. Normally he was very closed off and shy, but one conversation with the taller boy was all it took for him to come out of his shell just a little bit. Sure Hyunjin made him blush furiously any chance he could get, but he found himself enjoying their moments together. In fact he found himself at Hyunjin’s home more often than his own now. It was a foreign thought —to have a place where he could go outside of his own home and the university library. It was odd, but in a good way. He liked waking up next to Hyunjin when he happened to spend the night. He enjoyed every second they spent together, and Hyunjin was quickly becoming more and more special to him.

He sat the coffee aside, his chin resting on the palm of his hand as his eyes glazed over, not even registering the text in front of himself as he thought.

He wondered; how could someone he met not too long ago become someone so important to him so quickly? It was a new experience. He was discovering a lot thanks to Hyunjin. He was finally understanding friendship, although their form of friendship differed from what was considered textbook. “Besties with a bonus”, as they called it. It bordered on friends with benefits, but included more. That’s what they told themselves, and Seungmin actually didn’t mind. It meant what was between them was special in its own way, but everything was special if Hyunjin was involved.

Somewhere between Hyunjin accidentally making fun of him and where they stood now, Seungmin couldn’t help but fall for the other boy. How could he not? Hyunjin had a nice personality, he was fun to be around, someone he could have quality conversations with, he was talented and thoughtful, he was capable of always putting a smile on Seungmin’s face, and he was beautiful inside and out. It wasn’t everyday that someone like that came along and actually became a part of his life. It was surreal to him because he went so long being alone. It was a nice change, but one that he needed to adjust to.

His eyes moved across the room to the table he’d seen Hyunjin sitting at before. Of course it was so early in the morning that Hyunjin wasn’t on campus, that he knew of, but the spot somehow brought him some comfort just knowing that he had occupied that area at some point. That’s what Hyunjin was: comfort. He was not only making Seungmin more comfortable with coming out of his shell. He was making him more comfortable with himself.

It wasn’t that Seungmin hated who he was, he just disliked himself to some degree. In fact he admired his ability to focus on his studies and excel in each subject, however it was who he was outside of studying and school that he disliked. The shyness became a part of him. It almost overtook him. Even if he could speak to Hyunjin and do other things with him, Seungmin still found himself mostly stuttering and keeping his head down when it came to speaking to other students, unless, of course, those students were disrespecting Hyunjin in any way. For some reason the desire to protect the older boy overtook his shyness, but maybe that was due to his growing feelings and respect for him.

He mindlessly sipped at his coffee again, the words on the pages of his textbook now forgotten.

He’d always disliked himself. Not just his shy nature and his inability to speak up for himself. He disliked who he really was outside of all that. Who he was at home where he felt safe, but even there he limited himself to how he could act. It wasn’t that he felt uncomfortable being himself at home, it was due to how strict his parents were. They expected him to act certain ways, and maybe that was why he couldn’t open up, or at least something that contributed to it. Maybe that was also another reason he loved spending time with Hyunjin; he didn’t expect Seungmin to act any certain way. He encouraged him to be his true self and accepted him for who he was. Hyunjin helped him in many ways, and yet he wasn’t sure if he knew how much Seungmin really appreciated him and was thankful for him.

The cup of iced coffee was now empty as he sat it aside, a small sigh escaping him as he hunched over his book again. It was time to focus on studying, yet his mind kept floating back to the other boy. He couldn’t deny how he felt for him, not that he would ever want to deny it. No, he was perfectly content with his feelings. He knew they were safe and Hyunjin wouldn’t reject him. Still, there was always that tiny worry in the back of his head that he found stupid because Hyunjin would never do anything to hurt him in any way.

Yet his mind always likes to remind him that people in the past pretended to be friends with him, but he knew Hyunjin was different. Finally he met someone that was genuine and actually respected him. He knew Hyunjin wasn’t just another student trying to mess with him because they thought it was funny to mess with the nerdy guy. He knew for a fact that Hyunjin was honest with him and that his growing feelings were real.

And that brought a small smile to his face, completely content with where things stood as of right now. He finally felt safe and happy, and he owed it all to Hyunjin in many ways.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Summer 2017 Anime Overview: My Hero Academia Season 2 and KiraKira Precure a la Mode

We return to our look at the summer 2017 anime. I’ve been reviewing the seven anime I watched from worst to best. Previously I talked about the two weakest anime I watched and an anime that was kind of mixed and middling. Now we’re going to talk about too anime I watched that I consider to be Very Good and would overall recommend (with some warnings and caveats regarding some stuff for one of them). Let’s dig in!

My Hero Academia Season 2

I found the first season of My Hero Academia to be pretty good but nothing to get excited about- but damn, this season officially sucked me in. I am now a Fan. Very unwillingly, I might add, but the show wrestled my doubting heart into submission with its endearing characters. fight-y fun and surprisingly good handling of growth and relationships (for the most part). 

The basic concept behind My Hero Academia is that in a world where most people have some form of superpower, superheroism is considered a legit profession. Nerdy teenager Izuku Midoriya really wants to be a hero, but he’s one of the few people born without superpowers. However, when he encounters his idol, the number one hero All Might, everything changes and he soon finds himself enrolled in the top-ranked superhero academy.

MHA sparked my interest by being a superhero show (I’m a huge comics nerd) and kept me interested by having a legit adorable and sympathetic protagonist (Midoriya is very earnest and also cries a lot, both things I find intensely cute and relatable), good animation and generally solid fights and storytelling. But it wasn’t really until this season that it came into it’s own as an impressive ensemble show. It subverted quite a few expectations I had, in a really good way and delivered on some pretty incredible character work and interesting world building. Also, it has a great soundtrack.

The season opened with a tournament arc, and I usually find those pretty boring in shonen (though still good, they were easily my least fave parts of HXH, for instance) but this one really mixed things up by weaving in some really good emotional hooks for the one-on-one fights and actually *gasp* developing characters and rivalries that WEREN’T focused on the protagonist. 

Rather than going the safe and expected route of having a big match-up be between Midoriya and his intimidating, violent explosion-happy rival, the series showed us a fight between explosion dude and the adorable, sweet main female character (whose superpowers were NOT well-suited for fighting his explosions) and used it to showcase her determination even against incredible odds and further her story along. 

It also explored her motive for being a hero- her family isn’t well off and she wants to make some serious cash so they can live in comfort. She worried this motive was “unheroic” but was reassured it was admirable, which was nice to see, especially considering how female characters are generally discouraged from being ambitious.

But the biggest highlight of the arc was the exploration of one character’s trauma and abuse. An arc revolved around a characrer (Todoroki Shouto) having difficulty using the powers he inherited from his abusive father. The story was heartbreaking and well-done and addressed in a very moving way with a very emotional “you are not your parents, it’s your power and body, not theirs” core- but what really impressed me was that the arc’s acknowledgement that this kid’s recovery would not be instantaneous and it was going to be a long and difficult process involving many other steps.

In most shows, once Todoroki had gotten his weird therapy session courtesy of the protagonist, Midoriya, and had been able to use his powers once, it would have been over, done, he’s fixed and he can totally use them now. But instead, the show acknowledged that being able to overcome his trauma enough to use them for a few minutes didn’t mean he’s now so recovered he can just use them whenever he wants. Todoroki realized that he had a lot of unresolved issues he needed to work through and a lot of steps he needed to take before he could recover enough to be truly comfortable with using his powers all the time. “It’s not that I’ve accepted anything, it’s just that, for a moment, I was able to forget about [my dad]”, as he put it. And the show showed us that it had every intention of following him through that recovery process.

Seeing this over-the-top show about superpowers and fights where people suffer ridiculous injuries actually approach trauma recovery in a realistic and nuanced way really shocked me and also majorly tugged by heartstrings. The whole conflict also added some depth to the show’s world building- Todoroki’s scumbag dad is one of the top superheroes out there, despite being a totally horrible person. When being a superhero is a competitive profession rather than a calling you get people who aren’t necessarily “good” or into “saving people” as much as they are in it to make a profit and show off their powers. Which went nicely with the themes of the arc that followed the tournament arc.

The way the show plays around with typical shonen tropes is also great- the show has the highly gifted, arrogant once-upon-a-time-they-were-friends rival for our main character, but he doesn’t become insufferable like most of those characters because the show makes fun of him constantly. None of the other characters put up with his bullshit or take him seriously, he’s constantly called out and made fun of for his asshole attitude and the main character finds him genuinely unpleasant to be around and tried to avoid him socially. This allows his ANGRY EDGELORD nature to be funny rather than annoying, because the show’s in on it too. 

And while Todoroki also could have also been a brooding asshole rival character, he’s pretty quickly to be revealed as a nice, kinda dorky guy who’s just quiet, awkward and introverted due to trauma and lack of social interaction. The show’s really self aware in how if plays with these character archetypes for the most part, and that makes it a pleasure to watch.

The show continued its solid character work, punctuated by dramatic and well done fight scenes, through the next arc. Almost every single kid on the show got a moment to shine this season, and you got to know them as characters and heroes and I came to realize- hey, I REALLY LIKE most of these characters.They’re being developed in a fun and interesting way, and they have lives and motivations that don’t just revolve around the main character. And the relationships and dynamics between the various characters are fun and heartwarming too.

And this includes the girls, who, while definitely outnumbered by the boys and underutilized compared to them, are really competent, interesting and have some great moments and arcs going. I especially enjoyed the mini-arc where one of the girls lost confidence in her ability to lead and thought a dude would be better at it, only for him to assure her she’s way better suited for it than him. Always nice to see ladies in command being respected by the dudes with them.

But that does bring us to the fact that while it has some good female characters, the show also has some pretty big sexism issues. All the older female heroes we’ve seen so far are basically walking sex jokes/fanservice dispensers and even some of the younger female characters are uncomfortably sexualized (Momo’s got the classic “oh she has to wear a ridiculously impractical costume because her powers require it” aka “I gave this teenage female character these powers specifically so I could sexualize her”). The fanservice gets to the point of distracting from the plot at times.

There’s a huge absence of female mentors so far (I hear that gets better later) and out of the entire teaching staff of the school, only one is a woman (and her character boils down to “bondage joke”) What’s more, while the girls are good fighters, their powers tend to be less offensive and "powerful” than the boys (this is especially obvs if you look at their official stats). Oh and there’s this fucker:

...who routinely sexually harasses and assaults his female classmates and it’s supposed to be funny and harmless. Every single time this asshole comes on screen u have to put up with a deluge of gross-ass comments and seeing the female characters repeatedly be objectified and have their space invaded. And no, them hitting him or other characters saying it’s gross does not make it okay. It’s still allowed, it’s still clearly there to be “funny” and “titillating” and it still uses girls being abused as a “fun” interlude. That’s NOT okay. It’s not funny. He adds nothing to the show, he just grinds everything to a halt and makes everything uncomfortable. It’s jarring, and takes you out of an otherwise well done story. I really want him and this type of “humor” to be ejected from the show.

But yeah, with those major issues in mind (and god I wish they weren’t there), I still really enjoyed MHA and can’t wait until the next season. The plot’s ramping up and I can’t wait to see where it goes next. 

KiraKira Precure a la Mode

Kira Kira Precura a La Mode follows a group of magical girls with superpowers based on both sweets and animals. They run a pastry shop together and protect their city from monsters who want to suck the energy of people who are happily enjoying their favorite confections.

Okay, this is still ongoing, but I think it’s safe for me to say at this point that KiraKira is well on its way to being one of my favorite Precure shows, which considering how I’m a pretty big Precure fan, says a lot.

The writing is solid, the characters are fun and well-developed and the animation and art design is well-done and adorable. 

This season added a few fun new touches to the Precure formula, including having two older girls on the team- a pair of 17 year olds hanging with the 14 yr olds (14 is the typical age for Precure protagonists). This pair is a butch and femme couple pretty clearly patterned after Haruka and Michiru- and yes, that also means they are fairly blatantly a lesbian couple. 

There is in fact an entire episode revolving around Yukari (femme cat magical girl) trying to make Akira (butch dog magical girl) jealous by threatening to marry a prince and making Akira compete with him for her love. All the while, Akira struggles with whether she should share her true feelings with Yukari. This culminates in a big love confession scene that added ten years to my life. Seeing the younger girls aggressively encourage and support their relationship is great too.

So yeah, about as blatant as S-season Haruka and Michiru- which, if you understand that reference, means there ARE some scenes that try to cast ambiguity on the relationship. This one, for instance, where Akira acts flustered in response to the prince’s suppositions about her relationship with Yukari (and his incorrect assumption about her gender), makes sense in the context of a  just forming relationship, but also didn’t add much to show and was likely included so the show could make it seem ambiguous if Yukari and Akira will truly enter a relationship.

However, it has been a long time since we’ve gotten lesbians this blatant in a magical girl show aimed at young girls. Ever since the days of Cardcaptor Sakura and Sailor Moon, gay subtext and text in magical girl shows has been much lighter (and heck, even fanservicey aimed-at-guys magical girl shows don’t seem to have the guts to have girls kiss). 

So the fact Precure is now deliberately homaging and emulating Haruka and Michiru and doing blatant love triangle/confession scenes IS a big deal and a step in the right direction. It’s sad we haven’t progressed since the days of Sailor Moon, but it’s good we’re at least not regressing anymore. And while Akira and Yukari haven’t gotten the word of god “Yes they are lesbians” confirmation Naoko Takeuchi gave Haruka and Michiru, (at least, not any we’ve heard of in the West), I wouldn’t say it’s outside the realm of possibility that could happen. (I really doubt the “lol we’re having sex” lines similar to what we got in Sailor Moon Stars will happen though, just because Precure doesn’t do sexual innuendo). 

And it’s worth mentioning, we do have an official duet song for Yukari and Akira that’s VERY blatantly romantic. “Koi” is even in the title. 

Yukari and Akira are a censored relationship for sure, and it’s obnoxious and wrong those censors are still in place (though not surprising, considering this is a big corporate studio running Precure). They should be able to kiss, they should be openly dating. However, they are obvious enough that if they were a straight couple, we’d be calling them canon at this point, so I’m gonna. Also, I have to shout out that they’ve poured on Utena references GALORE with these two, and I’m super into that. 

It should also be noted that Akira is allowed to maintain her butchness even after transforming into a magical girl- she gets a frilly PRINCE outfit.  That’s a first for a magical girl show aimed at girls (unless you count Utena, which I don’t for various reasons). She’s never derided for her lack of femininity either (in fact she’s considered cool and attractive) which is a very good affirming message for young girls. There’s also another episode that frames rebellion against enforced traditional femininity as a good thing and has women standing up for and supporting other women who don’t follow gender roles. 

To state the obvious, Precure is a show that exists in a capitalist society. So it’s focused on selling toys to little girls and those toys are often stereotypically hyper-feminine. However, it’s still valuable and positive that this show is casting non-gender conforming heroes in a positive light- if a little girl wants to play as Akira, she might have a pink compact, but she can use it to become a dashing butch prince. The lines are blurring in a good way.

Yukari is also notable as a great character- she’s not the genki girl archetype, but messy, petty and a bit cynical. She’s complex. The episodes where she struggles with whether she’s a “good girl” are pretty inspiring and carry the message girls can be heroes even if they’re not all sunshine and daisies. 

In fact, all the characters in the season are ALL pretty solid. Their relationships are fleshed out and so are their arcs. The dynamic the whole team has is great. The villains redemption arcs are strong as well.  And as always, it’s cute as heck and bursting with lady friendship feels.

My biggest problem with this show would be pacing- it suffers from being two rushed a lot of the time, and often tries to cram way too much in one episode rather than giving conflicts and arcs room to breathe. But that’s my only big issue.

It’s possible KiraPre could have a disappointing finale, but I at least feel confident it won’t end in total disaster. It shows none of the warning signs shows like Hachepre did- there’ve been no love triangles, bland male love interests or anything of the sort shoehorned in, so I don’t feel I have to worry about the worst happening (the “worst” being “the finale revolves around soothing a dude’s wounded ego, with the bond between the magical girls and their power being sidelined for the sake of really uncomfortable and contrived het romance”, if you haven’t seen HachaPre). 

Let’s hope KiraPre’s finish is as strong as the rest of it has been!

[hnhland]

Singleton Quarantine / Day 32 Ode to the Library

As of yesterday, I was one of the 64 part time employees terminated by the local city government, due to Covid-19.  Granted, I am a teacher by passion and profession, but I loved my library job. 

As true with all jobs, there were positives and negatives.  Hired in September 2002, I worked the evening 5pm-9pm shift.  It was a supplemental income to my other job as an instructional assistant.  When I accepted a full time teaching job, I stayed on as a substitute.  For 18 years, the supplemental income has paid for grad school and additional certification classes, it financed fun vacations, a cross country driving trip, and international mission trips.  It has paid for car and house repairs.  It has paid for several dental procedures and vet visits for the felines.  It helped me out of financial debt.  It has paid for fancy shoes, pedicures, massages, make-up and perfumey products.  It has occasionally financed a few nights out at happy hour and snow day snacks.  More importantly, the library has left me a lifetime of customer service skills, some great laughs, random nerdy book knowledge, an arsenal of stories, and some wonderful friendships.  Working at the library is as much part of my identity as being a teacher. 

I love books, I love the smell of new books, the creakiness of old books, and the soft smooth pages.  Working at the library, the accessibility to new authors and much loved old authors.  I have always found comfort in reading; the excitement of a new book or rereading old favorites.  In conversations, patrons always suggested titles or authors, sometimes I read them and sometimes I didn’t.  Needless to say, I rarely left work empty handed.   One of my favorite library memories, was a young adolescent literally running into the library and asking for his hold.  When I retrieved it and handed it to him to check out, he hugged the book and declared, “I’ve waited so long for this!  I can’t wait to start reading it.”  It was endearing to see people excited to read or finding the obscure book title they were searching for.  I loved talking to patrons about Newsies when it was checked out or chatting about people their movie selections.

The physical building itself was always a comfort.  A strong, welcoming building sitting on the corner, 1 Churchville Avenue.  It welcomed locals and newcomers into Staunton.  A library is accessible to anyone: travelers, families, singletons, children, the vagabonds and free spirited, the sick, the destitute, older citizens, our richest and our poorest in the community… and even a volunteer feline greeter.  It is a warm place in the winter and cool place in the summer.  And the bathroom is always open.   

Working there, you learn to welcome and help everyone with a smile. With the regular patrons, you become attuned to their personalities and intricacies.  In my 18 years, several patrons have lived and passed; but their names and personalities are still a part of me… Greek George, John T, Wendy, Yah-Yah, Valeria …  Greek George was hard of hearing, but he always stopped in to read the paper after a morning coffee at Blue Mountain. Sometimes the patron's demands, excuses, or questions were borderline irrational or life saving.  Asking for obscure mailing addresses to west coast Congressman or the final score to a 1998 championship basketball game, or the when the sun will set in Waynesboro.  I always appreciated the 70 year old grandmother who loved kung-fu movies or our patron who has literally read everything in our western fiction section. Over time, workers can identify certain callers by the time of day and their phone number prefix.  You meet people from all walks of life, listening to their stories, or just knowing their presence at the library is important. Occasionally, our patrons give lessons in history or science, or offer political views.  We learn new vocabulary for everyday office supplies, i.e. a stapler is called a cruncher.  Our resident artists hung on the walls, as well as worked there.  And as of late, people found community in taking time to piece together puzzles. Internet access is essential for individuals who lack that service.  People connect to job searches, educational classes, social media, research, music, political or religious sites.  Families travel to research their genealogy and family history.   Many patrons complained about getting lost in the library, not knowing where to find items.  Given all the resources the library has access to, I always found it a place, not be lost in, rather a place to be found in.

As a substitute, I had the ability to work with many co-workers.  I always enjoyed seeing my co-workers work with patrons that showed a sense of caring and passion for their job and interactions.  We gossiped and shared stories, we developed friendships.  Some co-workers have worked together for decades, others have been mere months.  In a typical month, I might only work once or twice. In the summer or on holiday breaks, I filled in gaps, as needed for our regular staff.  I always enjoyed asking for updates or what was new in library land, when I worked.  Inevitably, there was some new procedure or practice I need to employ. In my 18 years, I have worked with and met a variety of individuals, most importantly I’ve learned something from all of them.  If you ever found yourself bored at the library or had some down time, there was always shelf reading. 

The library is a safe place, and under current circumstances, that safe place has been taken away; for our patrons and employees.  It was a place for readers and thinkers.  It was a place for our lonelys to find companionship.  For planners to find organization and ideas.  The library is a place to find books, visual media, audio, support, ideas, conversation, help, and happiness.  The systematic order of the Dewey decimal system and alphabetizing the author's last name structured my somewhat chaotic world.  

Fortunately, all terminated employees will have the opportunity to be rehired when the self isolation / quarantine directive ends.  I know the termination was circumstantial, but it still is an emotional blow to our current reality.  I also know, the library will once again reopen its doors to the public.  To welcome in our patrons.  As highlighted in the building’s window, on paper … STAUNTON, WE MISS YOU.  Simply put, we miss the library too.  

[peacefulwriter88]

I Turn To You

Prompt: The look in his eyes was something raw and haunting. She saw that same look every time she stared into the mirror.

Warnings: Fluffy and SMUTTY, just the way I like it. And plot I guess... sometimes I just can’t write smut without it :)

Tags: @bladebarnes whose a freaking writing genius and @sexylibrarian1 whose equally talented and encouraged me to start posting my writing

A/N: I LOVE Chris Beck. I don’t understand why there isn’t a lot of Beck fiction out there. He’s like one of the best characters Sebastian has played. Who wouldn’t like an intelligent, sassy nerdy guy who loves space and have the face and body of Sebastian? What else do you need in life?

This is my first shot for writing for Seb so I hope its received well to gauge if I should continue down this road.

He was different. At first, you had pegged it on the time you both had spent away from each other. Two years was a long time to not be around someone, even if it was inevitable. After you both had graduated from your masters programs, he had eagerly been accepted into NASA and you had gone off on your first archaeological dig. Before you had left, he had teased you, saying you were the next Lara Croft and you had fired back that trying to live out his Alien fantasy was never going to happen. No way he’d get selected to go into space. You were pulling his strings - of course he would and he did. Chris was brilliant. It would be ridiculous if he didn’t get selected.

He left three months later, for a journey that would take a year and a half of him away from you and you learn to deal with it. You spent time with his family. You sent him funny videos and wrote him letters you knew he wouldn’t read anytime soon. In return, he sent you videos and funny snippets reminding you that he hadn’t forgotten about you. 

You couldn’t expect more than that. After all, you both were only friends. He wasn’t tied down to you or you to him. It still didn’t help the butterflies from fluttering in your stomach whenever you got a video recording from him, those familiar blue eyes smiling at you as he floated in the air, speaking about how he spent his days and how much he missed you. 

You had loved him since that fateful day you ran into him freshman year in college. He was easy to love -cool blue eyes that drew you in, a smirk that challenged you at any opportunity, dark brown hair that you wanted to run your hands through. But he had made it clear that he only wanted to be friends. And you accepted that.

But now he was different.

He had asked you to move in with him before he left, saying he’d love the help with rent and that you would love Florida. You hated Florida. He knew that. But he also knew that you loved him enough to move down to the sticky climate, knowing that you could work anywhere as you free lanced about in your profession. It was bad enough he choose a profession that didn’t even allow him to call the people in his life. He didn’t want to spend his time on earth isolated from his family and friends. So you relented and moved in two days before he left. 

So, when you threw a surprise welcome party for when he came back, his family and close friends jumping from their hiding places as he walked into the spacious town home, you knew that something had changed. His smile didn’t reach his eyes and when he spoke it was low and weighted, the humor gone. 

Rather anyone picked up on it was beyond you. The party went through the motions of a party and it wasn’t until later, the sun setting and the air thick with humidity that you watched him cautiously. He was standing in the living room alone, having said goodbye to most of his guest, a beer in his hand as he looked out the window to your decorated backyard. 

You had been watching him so intently, slowly cleaning up around you that you didn’t hear his mom walk in, smiling at you.

“Thank you for inviting us. Its so nice to have him back home.”

You smile back at her, walking toward her for a hug. Ever since your parents have been gone, she had substituted in, taking you under her wing. Her arms gripped around you tighter, however, her small frame leaning up to your ear. 

“Tell me the minute you find out whats wrong with my boy.” she mumbles evenly and you nod, holding her back tightly.

When everyone is gone, you lean against a wall taking Chris in. He was handsome even when his face was plagued with worry, his jaw set as his plump lips uncharacteristically tugged in a frown and you wondered where his mind was. He had been distant for three months, but you had brushed it aside as home sickness. You thought the party would cure his sadness - rekindling his old self. 

You should have known better.

You bite your lip, taking a deep sigh before asking,

“Chris?”

He turns to you, looking at you for the first time all night and your breath catches in your throat. The look in his eyes was something raw and haunting. You saw that same look every time you stared into the mirror. It was the guilt you carried when you thought about your parents and how they had died years ago in a car accident, trying to get to you.

“What’s wrong?”

You don’t mean to ask it, the words hanging heavy in the air and his voice breaks, an octave above a whisper.  

“We almost lost someone….back when we were circling the moon. I messed up, miscalculated our distance from the next station and he ran into a satellite when trying to get back inside. He...he may not be able to walk again. ”

His face is stoic but you can see the pain behind his eyes and you walk closer to him and he takes a step away from him.

“Chris…” you say cautiously and he continues,

“I know...I know he’s alive and he’ll be okay but….I almost got him killed. I should have been more careful.”

His gripping the beer bottle title, his knuckles growing white around their edges and you lean your head to the side, shaking it slowly. 

“You’re human Chris. Sometimes things happen beyond your control. You’re not perfect. You’re not expected to be.”

The last words trigger him, and he turns toward the nearest wall and slams his fist against it, causing you to jump. 

You’ve never seen this side of him before.

“I’m always fucking about, kidding around and i almost fucked up our mission. Maybe…...maybe I’m not cut out for this.” he says the last part weakly and your racing toward him, shaking your head. 

“Chris you were born for this. You’re brilliant. Its okay to feel the way you’re feeling. That’s scary to have all that responsibility. I can’t even imagine being in your shoes.”

He refuses to look at you, his jaw set and you force his face down to look down on your own,

“Don’t ever quit this. You are meant for greatness. Take this as a motivator to get better, to hone in on your skills. But I’ll be damned if you quit this Beck. I’ll kill you before you even have the chance.”

You hadn’t realized the shift in the air as he looks at you, the way his hands had found their way on your waist until you stopped talking. You both stare at each other for what seems like minutes, until his eyes flick to your lips and he’s slowly bending down to you. 

An electrical current. That was how you would explain the feeling of his soft lips on your own, molding with yours with ease. Its slow at first, the both of you familiarizing yourself with the other until his tongue is skimming along your bottom lip and you groan, his tongue mingling with yours.  

“Damn Y/N…”

You smile, biting down on his bottom lip and he moans in pleasure, his hands traveling down your ass as he pushes you into his hard erection. You moan, rolling your head to the side as his mouth captures your neck, biting down on the sensitive flesh.

“Tell me what you want Y/N.” he mumbles against your skin, his hips rolling into your own and you yank his head back, looking into his eyes.

“You know what I want.” you say, your eyes glinting with lust and he curses underneath his breath, lifting you up as your legs wrap around his waist. He easily maneuvers through the home though he’s barely been in and finding your bedroom.

He throws you on the bed, grabbing behind his neck and easily taking off his shirt, and you take in his built body, drinking in his abs - ‘When the fuck did he get a six pack??’ you think to yourself-  and he smirks, pushing you down.

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were drooling.”

You bite your lip, not ashamed of this admission as your hands run down his torso. When they find the rough fabric of his jeans, your hands quickly make haste of his belt, your hands expertly finding his buttons and loosening them. He stops you as your hand brushes against his erection, causing his breath to hitch as he grabs your wrist, placing them gently  above your head.

“Not so fast baby girl. I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time,” his lips brush against your right ear, his breath tickling along your nape as he bites your earlobe and your body involuntarily arches into him.

His free hand is skimming down your body, catching the hem of the sundress you had been wearing and dives underneath it, tugging the fabric up slowly.

“I want to enjoy every moment of this.”

Before you can protest his yanking the dress over your head before capturing your wrist again, keeping them in place as he takes in your body. You had opted out of wearing a bra today so he was privy to your exposed breast, watching them rise and fall quickly as you watched him in anticipation. Its only seconds before he’s dipping down and taking the fatty tissue in his mouth, his tongue trailing around your nipple before sucking the hardened stub. You moan loudly as he moves to your other side, his hips involuntarily grinding into your own. When he’s done he looks up at you, releasing your breast with a slobbery pop, the lines of his mouth tugged into a smile.

His mouth begins journeying down, his eyes never leaving yours and when he reaches the hem of your thong your wiggling in anticipation. He gives a heavy sigh before he’s parting your legs, his head getting lost between your thigh, inhaling your arousal. He gives a low growl that vibrates against you and you whine, thrusting your hips upwards. He stops you, his large hands situated on either side of your waist, holding you still as he takes another deep breath, planting his mouth over the thin fabric and sucking your flavor in.

“Chris…” you mumble, leaning up and tugging at his hair and he chuckles, his smile boyish and devilish at once as he pulls away from you, biting down on his lips.

“Tell me what you want baby girl.” he mutters, pulling at the thin material nestled on your hip and trailing them down your legs and you groan, falling back on the bed.

“Chris you know what I want.”

He tsks, taking another heavy sigh before nuzzling his face between your thighs, his head nudging against your clit and you yelp.

He chuckles, pulling back enough to look at you through his hooded eyes.

“Its been a while babe. You’re going to have to remind me.”

“I want you.” you whine again, frustrated that he has you submitting to him but not caring too much about how pathetic you sound at the moment.  He smiles, kissing you on your inner thigh.

“Where do you want me baby?”

“I want you everywhere.” you look down at him, your eyes desperate but his head has already dipped between your thighs, tongue licking up your folds before finding its mark on your small bud. You fall back, your hands finding a place his hair, tugging at the silky strands as your eyes fall to the  back of your head.

“Baby girl you are so wet.” he mumbles before inserting two of his fingers between your folds, deftly curving his fingers and finding that spot that has you coming undone around him.  He starts out slow, his fingers pumping into you as his mouth takes you in, sucking at your cunt as though its water. Its when he feels your body start to tremble, your voice cracking and your hands trying to push him away that he increases his pace, holding you down by your naval as you come into his mouth, your body thrashing against him. 

He takes his time milking you, lapping every inch of you, prolonging your orgasm until your voice is raw and he pulls his finger out, making quick work of his jeans before hovering over you.

“I promise Y/N, tomorrow I will make love to you until your body is unable to move,” he whispers, his lips grazing against your own as he aligns himself at your entrance, “But god Y/N I need to fuck you.”

You’re not given a chance to reply. His cocks enters you, gliding to your center until he bottoms out and his mouth pops open in lust.  

“Fuck your tight Y/N…” he mumbles, his right hand falling beside your head as the other pushes your right leg up. He pulls out and slams into you again and you scream, your overly sensitive pussy dripping down your leg.

Your hands grip his back, your nails digging into his skin as hips move against you faster, causing you to scream out his name. He sits up then, puling you towards him and this new angle has him hitting your g spot, and you bite down on his shoulders, your body beginning to tremble, feeling the pressure building between your legs. 

He senses it to and with his free hand he reaches down to your clit, playing with the sensitive bud and you throw your head back as your walls tighten around him.

“Shiiittt….” you gasp and he falls back on the bed, keeping you firmly above him as your ride out your orgasm.

“That’s right baby. Come all over my big cock for me.” he moans, his hips driving up into you as you grab your nipple, twisting it harder as you ride yourself on him.

Its only seconds later that you feel his hands dig into the flesh of your hips, his pelvis ramming into you before he finds his release, screaming out your name in reverence and you fall forward, hiding your head in the crock of his neck.

You close your eyes, taking in this moment as your breath even out and then Chris is pulling out of you, pushing you gently to the side before walking to the bathroom to grab some tissue. You watch him from the comfort of the bed as he walks toward you, cleaning up the mess between your legs and throwing the messy material away.

You sigh contently as he dips into the bed, grabbing at you and you give a lazy smile, positioning yourself until your lying comfortably in his arms.

“So…. that was fun.” he finally says and you chuckle, looking back up at him.

“Don’t ruin this Beck.”

He gives you another smile, pulling you closer to him.

“Ruin what?”

“The moment. Don’t say some stupid shit like how you don’t want to ruin our friendship so this has to be a one time thing. Just...just let me have this.”

He watches you for a beat, the same shit eating grin on his face, before his lips kiss you on the forehead.

“Who said I just want this to be a one time thing,” he squeezes you tighter as he mumbles, “I’m not going anywhere Y/N”