#(ok this one is staying because it happens to fit the blog)

[asher-agere]

Ooh Ashh i dreamed about little dazai and cg oda /gen. Now i can't stop thinking about them...

Also i woke up inspired? Maybe i'll try to continue writing my fic :>

Recently i've been thinking about creating a blog more personal to me, tho i'd only use it when using the computer, for some reasons. Then i'd feel comfortable not being on anon all the time hahahha (im shy and anxious all the time </3) what do ya think? I have sooo many headcannons about bsd, i think the blog would be just for them...

Love ya! -🦭

(Talking about anon stuff, if this isn't in anon mode, please ignore it... i say this because recently i had an ask of mine answered (not from you!) and it wasn't on anon mode and ot kinda freaked me out a bit hahahah)

I’VE BEEN WANTING TO RESPOND TO THIS ONE FOR SO LONG. FOR SO MANY REASONS? For starters baby Dazai and caregiver Odasaku is one of my favorites. They’re one of the few cases I actually view as a solid parental bond rather than the caregiver just being a vague role. Plus you should absolutely make a personal blog! Cause that means I can support you and interact with you more! Plus we always need more BSD agere content. Also an ask not in anon mode must’ve been so scary… Hopefully nothing bad came from it? (That’s also another reason supporting personal blog :^)

Little Dazai + Caregiver Odasaku

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖༻ੈ✩‧₊˚

₊ ⊹ These two have known each other since Dazai was 14, Odasaku has seen first hand that Dazai was forced to grow up way too fast. And well. He’s always had a soft spot for kids. Dazai is no different. Dazai regresses to 2-5, which is just a bit younger than the orphans Odasaku takes care of! I don’t remember exactly what age he took the orphans in at but surely he dealt with them when they were at least somewhat in that age range, so he’d got experience! With Dazai’s age range specifically! This makes him even better at taking care of Dazai!

₊ ⊹ Odasaku is a writer! You know what that means? All the bedtime stories ever! He writes his own bedtime stories to read to Dazai, he’ll turn Dazai’s babbling tales into a story, Dazai can even help him write! A lot of the time Dazai just wants to hear his caregivers voice, he doesn’t care what’s being said, so Odasaku will just talk about some writing ideas he’s had! Dazai is happy to supply his ideas! Odasaku tones them down a bit of course, and doesn’t always use them (Cats with laser eyes don’t really fit into a story about pirates… But maybe a pirate ship can have a cat aboard)

₊ ⊹ I think Odasaku has tried before to let Dazai play with his orphans, he thought it would be a good idea! But… Dazai gets overwhelmed really easily, especially while he’s regressed. Not to mention jealousy and all those other yucky emotions! Odasaku is his. Just his. Plus what if these kids think he’s weird? They wouldn’t of course, Odasaku didn’t raise them to be judgmental. But still… And he’ll lash out with bites or hitting if he gets to overwhelmed! Needless to say that’s a play date that only happens once

₊ ⊹ Lashing out is a common thing with Dazai. Most babies have the instinctive reaction to cry when things go wrong, Dazai learned very young that crying doesn’t help you. Fighting does. He feels bad after of course! He never wants to hurt Odasaku! But Odasaku reassures him that it’s ok! He never uses a harsh tone, always just gently reminds Dazai “We don’t hurt” If Dazai is so overwhelmed he won’t listen to reason though a swaddle is the solution! Wrap him up nice and tight in a blanket so he can’t move much, a pacifier in his mouth so he can’t bite or scream, then they stay like that until Dazai wears himself out! He never got a chance to show his true emotions. So if a tantrum is how he chooses to express those emotions of course Odasaku allows him to get it all out

₊ ⊹ Nicknames!! Odasaku uses the sweetest pet names for his baby, and everything sounds so poetic when he says it! “Sweetheart” is definitely a big one, but he can’t be to sweet with pet names or Dazai gets defensive, so he’ll also use more casual ones like “Buddy”! There’s also “Little One” but that has to be used carefully! Only when Dazai is right on the edge of regressing, usually when he’s a little worn out and less likely to fight it. And then of course! What does Dazai call Odasaku? I view them as a father son relationship because. Even regression aside I view them that way. Regression just makes it feel even cozier. So I think Dazai calls him “Da”. He’s trying to say “Oda” But to many syllables… Odasaku points out that it sounds like “Dada” and Dazai denies it if course! But… That’s his “Da” he stops even trying to say “Oda”

₊ ⊹ I think that when Dazai’s in more of a toddler headspace they play a lot of card games! It’s very nostalgic for them considering they played a lot of card games when they first met. Like a lot a lot. It was how they bonded! Of course Dazai always calls Odasaku out on cheating, in response Odasaku calls out Dazai’s clumsy attempts at hiding cards up his sleeve. Dazai of course denies this, and Odasaku denies his own cheating. This usually leads to Dazai pouting, but nothing on tantrum level! Just upset he isn’t getting his way. Odasaku tried betting with candy before but the Dazai takes it to serious and it does ends in a tantrum

₊ ⊹ Dazai is weird with food, he’s noted to be underweight, especially in Mafia Era (The only time Odasaku was alive) Baby Dazai only drinks milk or formula. No solid foods. He’s a baby through and through. However toddler Dazai plays a silly game with Odasaku! He requests specific ways for all his food to be poisoned and Odasaku says he does it! For example if Dazai requests a poisonous flower, Odasaku takes a harmless flower and puts it in the dish in front of Dazai! Odasaku has to make his own food separate though to keep up the illusion. Dazai refuses to let Odasaku eat the ‘poisoned’ food

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖༻ੈ✩‧₊˚

This was supposed to be up way earlier, but where I live there’s no power. Anywhere- On the entire island- So that’s fun. So posting might be slow the next couple of days. But I finished this while my parents were using the generator! So yay! Also I keep bring inbox notifications but then there’s nothing there… Kinda weirded out

[keepmovinjunior]

i just wanted to talk about something (under a read more bc it is out of character)

everyone is here for their own reasons, and that's cool. i totally get that. i'm not about to tell anyone how to spend their time or operate on their own blog.

i, personally, am here for fun and that's it. i'm here to write. i'm here to ramble about fictional characters and have silly little interactions on the dash / expand on my character's relationship with your character's. my real life has its own stressors (i have a great life but obviously not everything is peachy keen and being someone who is politically informed and inclined, i want to have a safe space in which i am not interacting with that type of content that i can retreat to for my own relaxation). at the end of the day this is, as i said, playing tumblr barbies for me (and most likely for most people). it's a game and it's not that serious. in fact, it's like. not serious at all.

some people are here for community and friendships and that's totally fine. i'm not against making friends, either, and i do really like and appreciate a lot of the people i interact with often and on a daily basis, even if i don't know most of you well at all. we engage in the same hobby and we're all aliases behind a screen but i really do enjoy talking to many of you. however, at the end of the day, if i don't make friends here, that's fine, too. i'm just chilling!

having said that, i've been around for a long time and have, of course, made friendships, had relationships, gone in and out of certain blogs, etc. and this is not a hobby i think i will ever outgrow (probably will just have less time for during certain periods of my life - and most people probably will experience that). i've had falling outs, i've had moments of being uncomfortable with certain people, i have had headcanons and sometimes even some of my own graphics lifted from my blog by others of the same muse, i've even had whole ass relationships with other writers in which i was very hurt. but here's the damn thing, ok: i never, ever, not even once, had a public DNI that other people had to adhere to to write with me, tried to call someone out or incite community wide drama by dragging other unrelated people into what happened over my own personal experiences, or tried to control anyone else over it. i always understood that not everyone is going to feel the same way, or have the same experience, with another person. i understood that dealing with my feelings about the situation was on me, and it was in my own best interest to learn how to move past or live with what happened. if i felt uncomfortable with seeing that other person around, it was my own responsibility to handle my own feelings as i saw fit, and no one else needed to do that for me. this is just good philosophy toward life in general, but, as it applies to tumblr: if i couldn't handle seeing someone on this platform and co-existing in this space, i would leave, sign out, or just. literally do anything else. i knew that my own friends and my own fun is what i should focus on.

there is a feature on tumblr called filtering. you can blacklist tags and users. you can filter things that make you uncomfortable if you want to stay but don't want to see those things. you can unfollow. you can block. you can literally do anything else, and you don't owe explanations for that. or, if you can't handle it even with those things done, you can sign out and leave and invest your time in something healthier and more relaxing. this is a hobby.

by all means, have your DNIs, make your call outs (leave me out of those, though, because i guarantee you that unless this person is a sexual predator, groomer, or scam artist, i am not going to care, especially if i have no relationship with anyone else involved in said drama) and will think you're ridiculous for it. just know that the moment you start to try to control how other people operate, you will lose out on a lot of really good experiences and just make this a more miserable place for you to be.

the best healing is exposure and love and support. it's not focusing on what other people do or seeking out spaces in which you will be triggered because you enjoy being a victim.

take it from me, a 30 year old queer woman who has gone through my fair share of loss in life: it's not that serious. it's really not.

[p1nkpeanuts]

Hello hello I'm your friendly neighbourhood ghost and I am a collector of spooky tales, folklore, Urban legends, cryptids and spooky experiences and I was wondering if you want to share your favourite one?

I hope you are having a wonderful day and I really love the blog vibes 💕

Okay but get ready cause it's a doozy!

So I used to live in a party house with a bunch of friends for like 3 years. It was a pretty normal house, except there was one "bedroom" that could literally only fit a twin bed and it had no windows, and we would hear noises from it every now and again. My one friends bedroom was right next to the room and he heard the most, sometimes scratching on the wall, sometimes voices.

It started escalating with more noises around the house, things like footsteps (sometimes running), lights turning on and off, and things going missing around the house. We were all skeptics, so we thought maybe someone was squatting in the attic, so the bravest of us (definitely not me) took a look up there, and no one to be found. We had no explanation.

One day while cleaning out the garage I found a huge old oil painting of a Buddhist temple (which was kind of odd because we live in a prairie province in canada) in front of a sunset. It was gorgeous and the owner we were renting from had no knowledge of it but said I was welcome to keep it, so I hung it up in my bedroom. That's when it all started to go sideways.

One night most of us were asleep except for the newest member of the house family. She was hanging out in the kitchen when all of a sudden she heard a constant knocking on the coffee table in the living room. She went to investigate, but as soon as she walked into the room it stopped, and all the cupboards in the kitchen slammed closed all at once (worth noting: none of them had been open before she got there) waking up the whole house. My friend ran to my bedroom in fear. We all stayed up together for a while waiting for something else to happen but that was it for the night.

A few weeks went by and my friends dad was staying with us for a week. While he was with us he slept in her room while she slept on the couch in the living room. I was checking the mail when I got home (I worked late) and woke her up by accident. While we talked we heard some sounds from right below us (right below us being the creepy tiny windowless room in the basement). I said "wouldn't it be crazy if I could get a response with a knock". So I knocked to the tune of "shave and a haircut" leaving out the last two knocks, and it knocked back, completing the tune. We both freaked out but at that point we had grown used to the antics of our otherworldly house tenants.

As time went on less and less people lived in the house till eventually I was the last tenant. I had plans to leave soon as I couldn't afford the rent and it was genuinely unsettling being there alone.

On one of my final nights there, I was alone playing some video games in my bedroom. I had all the lights on in the house ( for my own comfort), and I felt genuinely ok. Then I felt a sudden sense of dread, and all the lights in the hall switched off, leaving me in darkness with only the light of the TV. I heard the sound of heavy footsteps walking up the stairs, approaching the open door to my bedroom. They stopped right outside my bedroom, and I could feel a large menacing presence staring at me. I started to cry from fear and called my girlfriend at the time. I was a mess on the phone and she tried her best to calm my fears, but it just wouldn't leave. Then the next moment the lights all switched back on, and I felt the pressure in the room ease. It was gone. That was the last night I stayed in that house. I slept at friends' places till my lease was up and packed my things during the day. The only other night spent on the property, a friend and I camped out in the backyard.

I've only gone back once to get my mail, but the worst choice was keeping the painting. I put it in to storage for years. There is more to the story but I'll leave it there for now. Hope you enjoy my tale of terror!

[suffarustuffaru]

The fanbase is scaring me, the redesigns brought up some weird people that are REALLY passionate about Liliana being half naked

Like theres a whole war going on on twitter rn and the poor character designer got harassed

My problem is with the amount of people upset with this, like i knew we had a bunch of pedos around because of the way tappei writes the girls, but damn i didnt think there were this many of them 💀

yes ive heard about that....... im answering your ask late oops haah but i hope the situations a Bit better..... the toxic parts of this fandom give me a headache but my usual motto is to stay off twitter, touch grass, ignore people, and then hold onto my own viewpoints unless proven wrong alsjdflsdj but like. yeah this fandom is a bit tough to stay in when it comes to certain circles (for example the amount of people low quality shitposting / ranting about the fandom or whatever on rezero ao3 atm in the past days/weeks is. mm. interesting). not my first time being in larger fandoms that make you sometimes feel like youre fighting in the trenches (you could name off a few big fandoms notorious for being toxic that date back to like 2016 and odds are ive been in a couple lajdlf) but yeah seeing people complain about liliana and capella's designs and then overly fixate on emilia's boobs when these three characters have more to bring to the table than just that and theres lots and lots of good things to say about the s3 trailer and their designs..... mm. yeah. im squinting hard at a few of the things ive heard on that. but anyway!!

like the new designs are an Improvement. In General. like ok, as a boob haver myself ("boob haver" is the funniest phrase to me alsdjfls but it is true nonetheless, i am one) i do not give a shit about emilias larger boobs like ok?? her boobs are bigger?? she is still my fav ever and sometimes it just happens when youre still a growing teen/young adult and emilias back to her more revealing main outfit when she wore a different outfit in s2 so the difference in chest size is really not that much. but liliana and capella? those are Improved designs. i think ive talked abt the treatment of underage characters / characters who appear underage on my blog before (and i definitely couldve worded myself better then but i stand behind the fact that some of the stuff otsuka and tappei do regarding this in rezero is just Unnecessary).

could designs like emilia's still be improved on in other ways? yeah 100%, just in the sense that there could probably be changed a bit to fit her slightly more timid and soft spoken personality. or you could take different directions on it in general if you wanted. ive seen some great redesigns of her main outfit!! though her main outfit in of itself is pretty nice to look at imo and its iconic and well-known for a reason. im of the personal opinion that i wish it was a little less revealing in the same vein that her s2 main outfit was (i like that outfit a lot!!) but its still a really solid design overall.

i had some faith after seeing the anime designers fix up typhoon's original design to be More Appropriate, and i love how the essence of liliana and capella's designs were kept the same. like its not just that theyre a little less revealing (and even then, theyre both still showing a lot of skin!!! which is good!!! i like the improvement while keeping the main stuff the same), but stuff like liliana's pants aren't transparent (probably to make it easier to animate?) and the yellow/orange gradient in capella's hair looks great!! they also both look more like grown women which is a bonus. unless youre Weird about this shit which is unfortunately a small percentage of the rezero community. like you cant win with those sort of people ig, bc capella's boobs are bigger too ljasdlfj youd think that win more people over.

also i appreciate capella's sports bra bc unlike elsa's outfit it Actually looks like it's supporting her chest. if youre someone with boobs and you dont have a flat chest, youre gonna need support when being active or itll Hurt. and elsa Does Not have proper chest support okay. ill forever wince remembering elsa's design in that sense HAH....

anyway but i digress. i got no clue what to do with toxic people in fandoms despite spending a lot of time lurking in large fandoms with loud toxic people haah.... its hard to do much about it especially with increasingly declining media literacy rates everywhere.... the notorious misogyny/homophobia/etc that can happen sometimes in anime communities.... that sort of thing. i kinda just avoid it when it comes to rezero in specific, or briefly talk about it on here, or rant about it to myself in my head or chat with pals about it in private if it really frustrates me that much!! and id say im a pretty patient person hah... im not frustrated often. and the fandom is not all weird people of course and i can attest to that as ive chatted with a lot of people here... ive also seen a lot of people leave due to the fandom's Issues which is. totally fair tbh.

and i think rezero is often a "baby's first fandom" so to speak... i dont mean that in a bad way of course but its more like its the first exposure to fandom and fandom etiquette and fic etiquette and that sort of thing when it comes to english circles. or at least its a pattern ive noticed, so my theory is that that occasionally that combines with toxic fans and then you get a few people complaining about the community and how bad our fics are on rezero ao3 ig lajdlfjsdlf. which is false by the way :<< and an annoying misuse of ao3 as a free creative archive :<<

but ultimately i hope the rezero character designer's alright (and honestly theyve done super super great work - like the anime Did Not need to give emilia a bajillion outfits and go above and beyond with improving liliana, capella, giving the suwens and their hometown a whole unique aesthetic, etc). and also while i have stuff to criticize with otsuka and tappei... and the toxic parts of the fandom hah... i still enjoy rezero apart from that and the uproar with the designs has not chipped away at me too much!! ive been in this fandom long enough i guess lmao i just roll with punches at this point T^T but i also just try to look on the bright side a lot in general so ;-;;;

these are the sorts of things i like to be aware about but i dont like to get myself super involved with it (since itll probably make it worse and/or make me stressed for no good reason lmfaoo) and i wont let it enjoy the parts of rezero that i do enjoy a lot (which is to say like. the other 98% of rezero hah). so. getting off twitter is the biggest godsend i promise lajdlsfj.

but anyway!! yeah i dont have much organized thoughts on all of this, this is just me rambling my feelings on it. hope this all makes sense anon <3

[theunderestimator-2]

Rover, obscure early LA punk teen scenester, Masque denizen and nowadays a Las Vegas mom of 10 children, as captured ca. '77-'78 at the Atomic Cafe, in the Little Tokyo district of Los Angeles (the photo was also used as the back cover of The Klan "Pushin' Too Hard" b/w "Cover Girls" 1980 single by Posh Boy).

Rose, aka Rover [a nickname her high school bestie gave her because she couldn't stay in one place but was happiest roving around] is one of those girls who, according to Alice Bag, "added life and color to the early punk scene and made it so very interesting. She also received one of the first wounds (six stitches in the scalp) in the "us against them" skirmishes that seem to occur whenever people are afraid or intolerant of those who look different from them. It's hard to imagine a time and place when having short, crazy-colored hair could provoke a violent reaction from a stranger, but that was what it was like in the 1970's."

As Rover recalls:

"I believe I took the first hit in the social war we had waged against the norm. I was 16 at the time. I was outside of the Canterbury with my friend Brian (from Fullerton) sitting on a parked car. Two guys drove past on a motorcycle and the passenger threw a wine bottle into our little crowd and it hit me in the head. I didn't know what had happened. I grabbed my head & knocked a hunk of glass out and it fell to the ground. Then, a rush of pain and a river of blood and I stumbled forward and leaned against the Canterbury for support. I was dazed and in a state of confusion. They grabbed me and helped me walk. Gerber & Natalie took me to Lorna Doom & Belinda Carlisle's apartment. Darby was there. The paramedics arrived and bandaged my head. They joked about my hair color, saying they couldn't tell what was hair color and what was blood. If I wasn't the first hit, then I guess I was a shot of energy to all those around me."

Being badly teased in school in So Cal just for being pale white, in '77 she was a 16-year-old who ended up actually living in the Masque, the Hollywood multi-roomed labyrinth, the club and a meeting spot that soon became the center of the universe to many punks, misfits, outsiders, degenerates and the nascent punk scene that began bubbling up around 1976, with groups like the Screamers, Germs, the Weirdos and the Zeros, the Bags and the Go-Go’s, who she also roadied for.

"I walked into my very first show [a Dickies show at the Whiskey, Dec. '77] and knew I had finally found my home planet!!!! Remember the Twilight Zone episode with Elly May Clampett? She was laying in a hospital bed with bandages covering her face, consumed with self hatred & confusion because she was born so ugly that she couldn't fit in with society. The bandages came off and all had failed. Then it's revealed that she is really beautiful in a world of ugly and has to go live in a community with others like herself. That's exactly how I felt when I walked into the Whisky that night. Everyone was pale and it was ok."

(***photo provided by artist & activist @regi-mentle-black-blog , another active participant in the early LA/SF punk scene and friend of Rover, who was also crashing at the Masque back in the day)

[pinkpinkmermayyy]

Ok so for Christmas, V. and Miguel pack bags and stay at HQ. They buy gifts for EVERYONE and stay at their little apartment at HQ from the 22nd to Jan. 5th. They're there for everyone at that time.

Some Spiders aren't doing too hot around the holidays so they help them. Some Spiders are doing AWFUL this time of year, and special consideration is paid to them. Sure, friends and found family may be surrounding you, but financial hardship and other home-world issues weigh heavy on some.

Miguel and Olivia sometimes commit a bit of fraud. Just kidding, it's mostly Olivia. Miguel is too paranoid. If the Spider is employed, she and Lyla will team up to gift some funds into that Spider's account. It goes completely unnoticed by both the company they work for, and the IRS and banks. This is because they label it "Christmas bonus" but don't actually take from the company it's "from". It's more like they just printed a bunch of money but without the economic crisis part.

If the Spider is not employed, it's unfortunately much harder to give them money, so instead V. and Miguel help with getting them food and other resources (and even hooking them up with jobs in their universe! The power of 2099 technology!) It should be noted that these resources are available year round, with the exception of the "Christmas bonus" thing. However with the holidays things become especially rough, so V. and Miguel push it more.

V. and Miguel stay on campus so they can be there as soon as anything happens, and so that they don't need to worry about getting to HQ, as they're already there. And also... it gives them the ability to sleep in. And sleep in they do. Nueva York is cold as is during the winter, and they take full advantage of it. They have so many soft blankets. Their favorite part of it, however, is each other. Miguel swears up and down that he's not the personal heater of the relationship, and Olivia swears she isn't either.

It's because they both are. They are both warm ass people. The only thing "cool" between either of them are Olivia's tentacles, and even then those warm up. Speaking of, the arms are wrapped around Miguel whenever given the chance. You'd think they're trying to sleep in a twin-sized bed with how close they always are when asleep. It's just that cold up there, in a skyscraper. They don't turn on any heating components either. They don't need it.

Unfortunately, Olivia never wears Miguel's shirts. It's because it's impractical. If Olivia wanted to use her tentacles, the shirt would roll up because it doesn't have the holes. Miguel swears he's ok with her putting holes in his shirts, but Olivia always feels bad. He'd wear her stuff, but it doesn't fit and he doesn't want to stretch out the cable knit of her favorite sweater. So instead, he'll have one of her jackets or coats in his office, and she does the same. It smells like the other, and that is perfect.

Also, they don't buy each other gifts. There's no point when you literally own Alchemax. So instead they make food together. I have a good post coming along and I'm hoping to finish it in the next 2 weeks.

Ok goodnight it's 2am down here. Goodnight <3

OMG I JUST SAW THIS ASK IM SO SORRY (I was having too much fun on my vintage side blog hehe)

the domestic love between these two omg… they’re literally just like an old married couple except without the rings and contracts THEY’RE SO CUTE!!!!! Also them helping out those who are less fortunate during the holiday season is just so sweet of them they’re so amazing <33333

[fandomtherapy44]

castiel x reader

Summary: This story is from the perspective of Y/n Winchester. The sister Of Sam and Dean. We will be starting from season four since sadly we did not get Misha Collins as Castiel throughout the whole series. It will start off as a friendship, but it will grow more as the series goes on. I will be skipping some episodes even though they are great episodes they do not push the story forward. I am so excited to get to write this since they are not many Castiel X reader stories out there. Okay without further due Love War & Grace enjoy the Story.

Paring: Castiel X Reader

Word count: 5,820

Warnings: Some language, Typical Supernatural violence, Spoilers for season four of Supernatural

Chapter 8: Death take's a holiday

POV: Y/n

I am properly on my sixth cup of coffee at this point because I was so tired from staying up all night thinking about all the bullshit tremoli I've had to deal with. Also, I can sip it and not have to talk to Sam and Dean unless I had to. The last few weeks have been tedious with the three of us tip toeing around the fucked-up things we said when we were under the siren’s spell even though it was the truth at the moment to us. Sam was on the phone to Bobby talking about an interesting case he had found, and Dean was banging at the jukebox to get it to work, and I was trying not to explode with all the emotions I had running through my body. “No, no, no, you're right, it's definitely weird. ...Okay, Bobby, thanks.” Sam said, hanging up the phone. “What's up?” Dean sat down. “Bobby found something in Wyoming.” “A job?” I questioned. “Maybe” he responded. “Small town, no one's died in the past week and a half.” “Ok and is that not a normal good thing.” I questioned. “Well, it's how they're not dying.” 

 “One guy with terminal cancer strolls right out of hospice. Another guy gets capped by a mugger and walks away without a scratch.” “Capped in the ass?” Dean questioned and I chuckled under my breath at that one. “Police say Mr. Jenkins was shot in the heart at point-blank range by a nine-millimeter.” “Alright that one no way someone is walking away it looks like we got a case.” I said as it seems like I spoke to them for the first time today. “It's got to be something nasty, right? I mean, people making deals or something.” Sam said to us. And he wasn't wrong it looked like this had demon’s fingerprints all over it. The boys get up to leave as I stay sitting. “Y/n come on” Sam said to me. “You sure you guys want me to go with you. I mean you might have to save me and that is just pathetic right?” I said sipping my coffee and not looking up from my cup. “Y/n/n we said we're sorry okay I thought we were past this.” Dean responded looking sorry for a second. I finished my cup and got up not bothering to look at them. “Yeah, we're past it.” I said as I walked past them.

We were now at the man’s house who was shot straight in the chest and is now walking around like nothing had touched him. “Now you three said you were bloggers?” He asked us. “Yes, sir. Floored by the Lord dot com.” I answered. “All of God's glory fit to blog.” Sam and I both look at Dean like really. “Um. Some of the people around town are saying what happened to you was a miracle.” I said to him. “It was. Plain as day.” “How can you be so sure?” “How else do you explain it? The doctors can't. There's a bullet in my heart, and it's pumping like a piston.” It does sound like a miracle but sadly with this life it never really is. “Well, how do you explain it?” Dean asked. Jim looks over to his daughter who was coloring at the other table and smiles. “Look, honestly. I was nobody's saint—not exactly father of the year, either.” “Okay”

“But when that guy shot me, and I didn't bleed a drop? I just knew the Lord was giving me a second chance.” Right the Lord. "That so?” “I had this feeling—like angels were watching over me.” Huh okay now that's something we can work with. “I wouldn't expect you guys to understand.” “Trust us Jim we understand.” Especially if an Angel is becoming my best friend. “You wouldn't have happened to have swung by a crossroads in the past week or so?” Sam asked getting info if this was a Demon thing. “No” Jim said back confused. “Maybe you met someone? With black eyes? Or red?” Should have stopped at the first question. “Who'd you guys say you were again?” The three of us look at each other. “Never mind. Thank you for your time.” I said getting up to leave. 

Dean was reading something on the computer while I was getting coffee … again. “Hey” Sam said entering the room. “Hey you find anything else?” I asked him. “That cancer survivor? He was clinically dead, his wife pulled the plug, and now he's taking her out for their twentieth anniversary.” The more I hear about people living their lives I want to leave this phenomenon alone. “Any sign of a deal?” Dean asked. “No. What about you? Found anyone dying around here?” “Not since Cole Griffith.” I responded back. “Poor Kid was 12 and dropped in his front yard. It was the last death we could find.” “So, what are you guys thinking?” Sam asked us. “Eh, maybe it is what the people say it is.” Dean said back.

“I think we would all love that Dean, but I don't think so.” I said back to him. “Yeah miracles? Dean, our experience, when do miracles just happen?” “Well, there's no deals. There's, uh, no skeevy faith healers.” He was right so what was going on in this town. “Dean’s right the souls aren't being taken.” “Maybe 'cause there's no one around to carry them.” Sam replied back. “No reapers that would explain this.” “Then nobody's dying. So what? The local reapers on strike? Playing the back nine? I don't know, Sam, Y/n.” “Well let's talk to someone who might Cole.” I said. “The kid? The kid's a doornail.” “Maybe maybe not but we could go talk to him to figure it out.” “I love how matter of fact you are about that. Strange lives.” We do have strange lives since we're talking about talking to a dead person.

We were digging up Cole's grave well more like Sam and I. Dean was going through Dad’s journal. “You sure this is gonna work?” He asked Sam. “No. But if his spirit's around, this should smoke him out.” “I can't believe we're doing this to a kid’s grave. It's messed up.” I said I was still digging. “Yeah, well unfortunately it's part of the job.” Sam gave me an answer when I was not looking for one, I was hoping maybe for some sympathy. “This job is jacked.” Dean said, sounding done. “How so?” Sam questioned. “You want me to gank a monster or torch a corpse, hey, let's light it up, right? But this? If we fix whatever this is, people are gonna start dropping dead. Good people.” He was right but whatever was keeping the souls I had a feeling was not good. “Look, I don't want them to die, either, Dean, but there's a natural order.” Sam’s response to Dean was complete Bullshit. “Sam, you want to talk “natural order ", how about Dean coming back from Hell or us still being alive after dealing with the jackpot of death.” I finished jamming my shovel harder in the ground annoyed at Sam. “Yeah, but the normal rules don't really apply to us, do they?” I did a double take at him.

“Really Sam? We are not like others, we are just as human as others.” “Y/n/n come on as you said Dean has been to hell and I'm infected with demon blood, and you are practically besties with an Angel.” I scoffed at his reasoning. “Look, I know you want to think of yourself as Joe the Plumber, Dean, and you y/n as a secretary but you're not. Neither am I. The sooner you accept that, the better off you're gonna be.” “You gonna help us finish this?” Sam asked Dean as a man walked up. “Hey!” shit shit shit we really need to get better at being quiet digging up graves. “What are you doing here?” He questioned. How do you even reason this? “Uh so this does not look like what it is.” I said, sounding nervous. “Really? 'Cause it looks like devil worship.” Fuck we so need to get better. “What? No! No, this is not devil worship. This—This is—this—this is, uh—” Dean was trying to reason. “I don't have a good answer.” He said and I gave him a really look. “We're leaving.” Sam said as we got out of the grave.

“You're not going anywhere.” Huh? “Ever again. Sam.” The man said as his eyes rolled to white. Oh, fucking great its Alice from Hell. “Alastair.” “I thought you got deep fried, extra-crispy.” Dean said, backing away a bit. “Nah. Just the pediatrician I was riding. His wife's still looking for him. It's hilarious. Anyway, I have no time to chat. Got a hot date with death.” He flicks his hand at Dean and I as he flies back and hits some tombstones. “Dean, Y/n!!!” Sam yelled out. I was slowly fading as I saw some things as Sam had flicked Alastair back. “You're stronger, Sam. You've been soloflexing with your little slut?” “You have no idea.” And then Alice smoked out Sam was still hooked I thought as I went out like a light.

I was sitting on the motel bed with a hell of a headache and an ice pack and wondering about Sam. “How you two doing?” He asked, walking in. I was thinking a lot about how to talk to him about this. I may be pissed but he was still my brother there was a reason why he was still hooked. “We're in pain, that's how we’re doing. I think we have concussions.” I think he was right because things were starting to cross. “You want some aspirin?” “Oh God yes please” I said, grabbing at it. My brothers may be able to tuff it out around but not me. “No thanks, House. So, demons, huh?” Dean said and of course he would say no. “Yeah. So much for miracles.” Sam replied. “And what the hell happened with Alastair again?” Dean questioned. What is Sam going to say to that I wonder. “I told you, he tried to fling me or whatever. And it didn't work, so he bailed.” Really Sam Alastair the big bad Demon couldn't fling a human when he did to us yeah that's believable. “Well, how come he couldn't fling you? He chucked you pretty good last time.” “Got no idea.” Sam’s got to get better at lying. “Sam, do me a favor. If you're gonna keep your little secrets, I can't really stop you, but just don't treat us like idiots, okay?” Dean said to Sam about us, and he had no idea. “What? Dean, I'm not keeping secrets.” 

As I said before, get better Sam. “Mm-hm. Whatever. So, did you go back and q-and-a the dead kid?” See, even Dean can sense when something is going on. “Didn't have to. Bobby called. He did some digging.” “And what did he think?” I asked. “He thinks I'm right. Local reaper's gone. Not just gone—kidnapped.” “By demons? Why?” “Listen to this.” As he read from the notebook. “"And he bloodied death under the newborn sky—sweet to taste, but bitter when once devoured."” “Ha I really hope I'm wrong sam but that sounds biblical like a seal.” “Well you are right Y/n unfortunately basically, you kill a reaper under the solstice moon—tomorrow night, by the way—you got yourself a broken seal.”

“How do you ice a reaper? You can't kill death.” Dean examined. “I don't know. Maybe demons can. Where the hell are the angels is what I want to know. We could use their help for once.” Yeah, sadly they aren't on doctor calls even though I would love to give Cas a pager. ““What are we gonna do, just swing in and save the friendly neighborhood reaper?” “You got a better idea, I'm all ears.” “Dean, reapers are invisible. The only people that can see them are the dead and the dying.” Right, oh no.”Well, if ghosts are the only ones that can see them…” No No No.”Then we become ghosts.” Dean said, putting his ice pack back on his head. “You do have a concussion.” “No Sam he doesn’t he's just insane he's talking about astral projection. Which means Pamela, which means she is going to hate us more.” I said sighing and lying back on the bed.

Pamela and Dean enter the room with Pam looking pissed. “I can't even begin to tell you how crazy you three are.” She was right, we go look for danger every day. “Well, Pamela, you're a sight for sore eyes.” Sam said to her trying to lighten the mood. “Aw, that's sweet, grumpy. What do you say to deaf people?” Damn “Which one of you brainiacs came up with astral projection?” She asked us. “Yo.” Dean said, raising his hand a bit. “Of course. Chachi.” I love how she calls them out like I do. “So, let's be clear. You want to rip your souls out of your bodies and take a little stroll through the spirit world? Do you have any idea how insanely heavy-duty that is?”

“Maybe, but that's where the reaper is, so…” “So, it's nuts.” “Yes, it is but that's why we came to you.” I replied. “I do. Know what to do. And guess what? I'm sick of being hauled back into your angel-demon, Soc-Greaser crap.” “Look, I'd love to be kicking back with a cold one, watching Judge Judy, too.” Dean said to her, and he sounded like a total dick. “Nice. More blind jokes?” “You know what I mean. We're talking the end of the world here, okay? No more tasseled leather pants, no more Ramones CDs, no more” I look at her and grab her hand. “Please Pam, we need your help.”

I was closing the curtains so it would be an easier environment to slip into the astral plane. While the boys were lighting some candles. “Tell me something, geniuses. Even if you do break into the veil and you find the reaper, how are you gonna save it?” She asked us which was a good question since we hadn't gotten that far. “With style and class.” Dean replied with his usual cocky attitude. “You're gonna be three walking pieces of fog who can't touch or move anything. You'll be defenseless, hotshot.” “I seem to recall a bunch of ghosts beating the crap out of us.” Sam said. “Sam, they had years to be mad and to practice for us it will be like going into kindergarten with seniors.” I replied to my brother's comment. “Y/n’s right.” Pam agreed with me. “Well, then, I guess we got to start cramming.” Dean said, slapping his hands together in preparation. "Wow, couple of heroes. All right. Lie down. Close your eyes.”

Sam layed down on the left bed and Dean and I layed down on the right because there were only two beds. “Animum vult decipi, ergo decipiatur. Vis, vis, vis. Okay, guys. That's it. Showtime.” I open my eyes and look around at everything looking the same. “Well, nothing like shooting blanks. What's plan B?” Dean said and Pam did not respond. I look at Sam as he jesters to our bodies. “Damn this is trippy.” “You can say that again” Sam said, agreeing with me as Pam stood up.

“All right, so, I'm assuming you're somewhere over the rainbow. Remember I have to bring you back. I'll whisper the incantation in your ear.” She said as she whispered something to Sam and I'm guessing I didn’t want to know what she said. “Y/n be safe.” “Thanks Pam you too.” I responded back even though she couldn't hear me. It was nice to have someone other than my family care about me.

We are walking on the street, and everything looks like it's colored in a bluish tint. A jogger runs through Sam like he was air well I guess he was. “That was wild.” Dean said smiling like this was fun. He then proceeds to put in his arm through Sam. “Am I making you uncomfortable?” “Get out of me.” Dean looked at me. “Oh, don't even think about it ghost or not I'll still kick your ass.” I said to him, “You guys have no fun. Come on.” He said walking further down the street. “Oh, man, we've been spooking this town for hours. No demons, no black smoke.” Dean finished as I looked up to a window of a house and saw someone staring at us. “Hey. Three o'clock. Kid in the window.” I said to them nodding my head up, he saw us and disappeared. “It's Cole Griffith, the last person to die in this town.” We look at each other and head to the house.

We go upstairs and we can hear stuff being thrown and Miss.Griffith running away scared and sad. As we enter the room Cole is standing by his dresser and he throws a soccer ball right at us. “Stop! How are you doing that?” Dean said, grabbing Cole's hand. “Who are you?” He asked us. “Cole, it's okay.” I said approaching him. “How do you know my name?” “Look, this isn't gonna be easy to hear, but...you're—dead. You're a spirit. Us too.” Sam said to him. I'm pretty sure he knows. "Yeah, thanks, Haley Joel. I know I'm dead. What do you want?” See. “We just want to talk.” I said to him. “About what?” 

Mrs. Griffith was pouring another glass of her poison at the kitchen table, and it was like looking at a video of me from when Dean was in Hell and Jack and Daniles was my best friend. Cole was standing closest to his mom looking at her. “I was outside all morning. They tell you to be careful when it's cold.” He had passed away in front of his own house from an asthma attack kid deserved so much longer. “Cold air can cause an asthma attack?” Dean asked and Cole shrugged.

“But then I was in my room. It happened so fast. I called out for my mom, but nothing came out. Everything started spinning, and then I was just standing there, looking down at my body.” “And that's when you saw the man?” Sam asked referring to the reaper. “Creepy old guy in a black suit. He wanted me to go with him, but…” He turned back to his mom. “I didn't want to go.” I don't blame him, I don't think anyone would. He was a twelve-year-old full of life with a great family. “How'd you get rid of him?” Dean asked him as in where the reaper went. “I didn't. The black smoke did.” “Black smoke?” “It was everywhere. I hid in the closet, and when I came out, it was gone, and so was he.”

“Do you know where the smoke went?” “No. But I know where it is.” Just than the lights started to flicker, and the house started to shake. “They're back.” Cole said. “Who?” He doesn't answer and vanishes. And a white shaped figure went upstairs. “Hey! Hey! Wait! We need to talk to you!” Dean said going after the white figure. Sam and I following. A woman comes down the stairs and she looked at Dean like she knows him. “Dean.” She says to him, and it looks like she does. “Do I know you?” He asked. “We go way back.”

Tessa walked down the stairs in front of us. “You don't remember me?” she asked Dean. “Honestly, if I had a nickel for every time, I heard a girl say that... You're gonna have to freshen my memory.” Tessa then surprises us all by pulling him forward and gives him a soft kiss and let’s go. "Tessa” Dean says with a knowing expression in his eyes. “That's one of my names, yeah.” “So, you do know each other?” I questioned. “From the hospital after the accident.” “Wait the one with Dad?” He nodded. “So, this is the reaper that came after you.” Sam questions looking at them both. “Yeah” Tessa then turns to the stairs to go up to the kid I’m presuming.

“Well, this was fun. Now, if you'll excuse me—” “Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't—you can't take the kid.” Dean stops her. “Why?” “Demons are in town, that's why. They've already snatched your reaper pal. The kid knows where.” “So?” “So, you should leave, or you could be next.” I said to her. “Except that this town is off the rails.” When we are talking to her Mrs. Griffth is getting ready to go somewhere while Sam and I watch her. “And someone has to set it straight.” She said to us. “Yeah, we understand that, but these are special circumstances.”

Dean said, trying to reason with her. “What? Your whole angel-demon dance-off? I could care less. I just want to do my job.” I wish I could do that. “Right, yeah, and, look, we want to help you do your job. So, if you would just bail town— “Sam starts to say. “No.” “Well, then, could you hold off until we fix this? Please.” Dean asked, pleading with his eyes. “All right, but just so we're clear, when I start reaping again, I'm starting with the kid.” Damnit “Okay well I'll go find him.” I said starting to go upstairs but Dean stopped me. “Wait, wait, wait, wait. What— What are you gonna say to him?” I answered honestly. “The truth.” I said as all three starred after me like I was crazy.

As I walked up to Cole's room, I hoped that I could approach him in a delicate way and still tell him. “Cole? It’s me Y/n” I looked to the closet door and saw it was closed and I went over to knock on it. “Cole, I just want to talk.” He opened the door with his ghost powers, and he was sitting on the ground with his head in his knees. “How did you know I was in here?” He asked me. “When I was your age, I used to hide in here too.” I sat down next to him. “This all must be pretty overwhelming, huh? Pretty scary, too.” I hoped he could see I wanted to help him. “The worst is my mom.” “Must be hard seeing her like this.” “She's always coming in here, talking to me, telling me how sad she is. I knock some stuff over to let her know I'm here, but...she only gets sadder.”

“When someone I loved passed, I was like your mom I basically kept on talking to a ghost.” I said referring to myself when Dean died and went to hell. “I don't know why you're telling me this. I'm not telling you where the smoke is.” “Cole, I’m telling you this to help you when I was like your mom, I had someone help me so maybe you can be that for her.” “She feels your spirit, that's why she's sad because she can't be with you. So, imagine how she will feel when you move on.” He doesn't speak. “When you go, I'll be right next to you, so you won't be alone. I promise.” He looks up. “Promise” “Promise” 

Cole and I walk downstairs as I clear my throat. “It's okay, Cole. Just tell them what you told me.” “I saw the black smoke at my funeral.” “At the cemetery?” Dean questioned. “At the funeral home. It was everywhere.” It makes sense for reapers, funeral homes. Then the lights started to flicker again. “You doing that?” Dean asks Tessa. “No.” The doors burst open, and the black smoke invades all over the room and I can't see for a second and when it's gone so is Tessa. “Tessa!” “Cole, you, okay?” I asked him. He nodded his head. “Well, how the hell are we supposed to fight that?” Dean asked, sounding annoyed. “Good question, learn some ghost moves.” I suggested. “By tonight? Yeah, sure. I'll meet you back at Mr. Miyagi's.” I shrugged. “Who's Mr. Miyagi?” Cole asked and the three of us just between us and feeling old and me sad for Cole for not seeing the legendary Karate kid.

Cole was teaching us how to move a windmill and it was harder than I thought it would. Right now, Dean was trying. “It's not gonna move if you don't concentrate.” “I am concentrating.” Sam and I both raise our eyebrows at each other. Dean moves it a little bit. “Ah, here we go, baby.” And it stops. “You pull a muscle?” Cole said and let me tell you he is a funny twelve-year-old. “All right, Yoda, let's see what you got.” Cole tries and the windmill and the porch bench goes crazy with wind. “Nice Cole, that is so cool!” I said to him fist bumping him.

“Dude! You are so Amityville.” Cole smiles. “This isn't even the good stuff.” We were now in the living room learning how to punch. Cole punches Sam and he folds over. “See? If you want to hit something, you just got to get mad.” Oh, I can get mad. Sam stands back up out of breath. “Yeah, got it.” “Now you try. Hit me.” Cole said Dean. “Uh, I think I'll stick to just picking on somebody my own size.” Cole then punches Dean and Sam and I both laugh. Dean then goes to punch Cole back, but he vanishes. “Whoa. Whoa, you got to teach us that.” I said to him.

Dean, Sam, and I walked over to the funeral home, and it was covered in glowing blue diagrams, mostly six-sided figures, some in circles and some in squares, all with lines through them and squiggles inside the triangles thus formed. “This looks like New Jack City. Can nobody see this?” Dean questioned. “Maybe it's demon invisible ink. Only see it in the veil.” Sam answered. “It could be keeping out Angels.” I add in. “We'll find out.” We walk in and in the middle of the room, there is a square with triangles on each side to form an eight-pointed star, with squiggles at each point. Lying in the figure are Tessa and an old man in a suit, presumably the first reaper.

A Demon was standing guard next to the star. “Watch and learn boys.” I said going behind the Demon and tapping him on the shoulder and when he turned, I punched him and when he tried, I disappeared. Dean then comes to the other side and does the same and Sam knees him in the chest. It was an all sibling beat down. He scrambled away to a hide behind a coffin. We followed him and we didn't see the other demon behind us, and he pulled a rope that brought down an iron rod that dropped and trapped us in. A third Demon walked, and it was my favorite fucking one Alice in wonderland.

Alastair approaches us with a shotgun and shoots Dean, and he disintegrates. “Rock salt's not so much fun anymore, is it?” Sam and I glare at him as Dean reappears. “Alastair. You bastard.” “Well, go on. Why don't you try some of your mojo on me now, hotshot?” We can't do anything. Usually, I love Iron and rock salt but today it's a pain in the ass. “You know what Alice, why don't you hop your way back to Hell.” I said grinding my teeth.

“Ah the little Winchester you may be a bitch, but you got some kick It's going to be fun peeling your skin off. And I would go back. They just keep sending me back up to this arctic craphole.” “To kill death?” “No, to kill death twice. It takes two to break a seal. I figured another one would show up, though. They're like lemmings.” He cocks the gun again and this time he shoots me. I reappeared and son a bitch that hurt. “You can shoot us all you want, but you can't kill us.” “Ah, that so?” 

Alice now has a giant scythe in his hands. “Anyhoo… moons in the right spot. The board is set. Let's get started, shall we?” “You're gonna kill a reaper with that? It's little on the nose, don't you think?” Dean said. “Is it? “An old friend lent it to me. You know, he doesn't really ride a pale horse? But he does have three amigos.” He walked over to the reapers. “And they're just jonesing for the apocalypse. It pays to have friends in low places. Don't you think?” Alastair picks up the old reaper and enacted the incantation and kills him. As he does this Sam and I look up at the chandler and have the same idea. He then goes for Tessa and Sam, Dean and I concentrate on the chandler to bring it down. It falls down and breaks the trap and Tessa is able to break free. She unhooks our trap and we’re able to get out. “Bye-bye.” Dean said and the four of us vanish. 

We get back on the street and Dean and Sam are not here. “Where are your brothers?” Tessa asks me. “I'll find them when you get out of here.” She leaves and I go looking down some alleyways “SAM! DEAN!” I yell. “You can't run. Y/n. “I turn and their standing is Alastair. I back away and he follows “Not from me. I'm inside that angsty little noggin of yours.” He's about to attack but instead a white, blue lighting strikes him. “What the Hell?” “Guess again.” I turn back around, and Cas is there.

“What just happened? You guys just saved a seal. We captured Alastair. y/n, this was a victory.” “Were you here the whole time?” I ask him. He looks away. “Enough of it.” Great. “Well, thanks for your help with the rock salt.” “That script on the funeral home—we couldn't penetrate it.” “It was enochian I was right” “Why do you think I recruited you guys in the first place?” Wait hold up. “You recruited us?” I ask. “That wasn't your friend Bobby who called, y/n. It wasn't Bobby who told Sam about the seal.” “That was you?” He nodded looking down.

“If you want our help, why the hell didn't you just ask?” “Because whatever I ask, your brother seems to do the exact opposite.” “Cas you could have asked me, I would have helped you.” “You shouldn't have to.” “So, what now, huh? The people in this town, they just gonna start dying again?” “Yes.” “These are good people. What, you think you can make a few exceptions?” “You did for Dean” “He’s different. So are you.” “What does that mean?” I ask him. “Y/n? I could use your help.” It's Tessa and when I turn back to Cas he's gone.

Cole is staring at his mom again and she is looking at a photo book of Cole. “Look at her, Cole. Do you see how unhappy she is?” Tessa said, trying to convince him. “That's why I want to stay with her.” “As long as she can feel you, she'll be in pain, because she can't let go. Because you won't let go of her.” “Why won't anybody tell me what's on the other side?” “Maybe nobody wants to ruin the surprise.” “That's not an answer.” “She won't answer you, Cole. Reapers never do. But trust me. Staying here is a whole lot worse than anything over there.” I said to him. “Why?” “Because one day, your family will be gone, and there'll be nothing left here for you. It's okay to be scared.” “I'm not scared.” “We're all scared. I'm scared every day that I won't be able to save my family. It’s okay to be scared Cole.” He pauses.

“Are you coming?” He asked me. Staring at him I walk over to him and hug him. “I won't but you will be okay. I know being scared feels horrible, but I have a secret. I turn that into bravery for the people I love because they deserve it. I know you can do it too.” He let me go. “Thank you, Y/n, for telling me the truth.” And with that he walked over to Tessa and hugged her, and he melts into a white light. “Look out for that boy.” “Look out for yourself, Y/n.” “What do you mean?” “I've been around death from the get-go. You know what I see most? Lies. "He's in a better place." "At least they're together now." You all lie to yourselves, Y/n 'cause like you said, deep down, you're all scared. Stop lying to yourself, Y/n.” “What” “The angels have something good in store for your brother. A second chance. Really? 'Cause I'm pretty sure, deep down, you know something nasty's coming down the road. Trust your instincts, Y/n. There's no such thing as miracles.” “What the Hell are you saying?” I didn't get an answer as I woke up.

I wake up with a deep breath and look around to see my brothers and Pam hurt. “What happened?” I question racing to her side. “Y/n, where's Tessa?” “She's…” “Pamela, I'm so sorry.” Sam said, getting emotional. “Stop.” “You don't deserve this.” “Yeah, I don't. I told you I didn't want anything to do with this. Do me a favor? Tell that bastard Bobby Singer—to go to hell forever introducing me to you three in the first place.” “Take it easy, Pamela. If it's any consolation, you're going to a better place” I said to her comforting well trying. “You're lying.” She was right, I was. “But what the hell, right? Everybody's got to go sometime.” “Y/n come here.” I go over to her and lean down. “The Angel you have on your shoulder might be more devil than you think. Be. Careful.” I backed away. Then she called over Sam. When she was done, she started to cough. She passed. “Pamela!” Dean yelled and then looked up at Sam. “What did she say to you?” Sam doesn't answer.

Hey everyone, I hope you enjoyed it! I am so sorry this took so long. Part of it was writer's block and life and the other was that this is not my favorite episode, but I thought it be important to the story. But the next episode is head on the pin and oh my gosh it's probably one of my fav episodes from season four. So, look out for that!

NEXT

[hologramcowboy]

Hey there! I have been a follower of your blog for quite a bit now, as you already noticed, and I like quite a lot as you are pretty upfront with your opinions. My kind of person, it takes guts to say what you really think in a world where you can easily be crushed by criticism. I command the bravery. I make sure im the same. But today I read your post about Jensen's abused and although i didnt come here to tell you youre wrong, Id like to share my opinion, for the sake of discussion, if youre willing. I cant say for sure i know whats happening and if it is abuse (not that delulu to affirm one or the other, im not there, and honestly, i have zero beef in that game) but I have to say that actually, if it is ever confirmed (zero chances of that happening), I wouldnt be surprised at all. There is no box where one can put abuse. Not all victims are the same, but a few things exist in common in most cases. Jensen ticks some of those boxes. 1 - Abuse victims have a warped sense of what a relationship should be. Obviously, because no one in a right mind and a healthy sense of self would stay in any toxic situation, no matter if its abusive or not, no matter the gain. And i think most of the comments Jensen makes proves that. He says it publicly, in a candid way, because he doesnt realize thats not healthy. The comments about Danneel being the one for him because she makes him try to impress her were so unhinged. Well, the very reason he stays if its so toxic proves this point. 2 - Most people in abusive marriages have a history of chilhood abuse. They continue with the familiar. Or they become abusers themselves. This fits into something called generational trauma. And by what I read and hear from him, I wouldnt be surprised if Jensen had been abused by his father, or even by people of more power in his early industry years, as we know thats pretty common. And at that time, he had zero escape, with his mother encouraging him and probably a deep need to please his father. 3 - The fact that he holds the power and has money doesnt mean a lot in an abusive relationship. Abusers are master manipulators and they know how to trap someone, because they lack the empathy. Danneel doesnt have to be a witch, or particularly smart, she just has to be that unhinged. One of the things an abuser does when the victim starts to gain some sort of independence is akin to weaponized incompetence, putting the weight of the world on the victims shoulders and guilt tripping them with all the horrible things that could happen should they leave. D and J have three kids together. Thats not very hard for her to do. I agree, hes not powerless. But the question is... does he realize that? There are many many ways to trap a person. And yes, it takes two to tango. Youre absolutely right. But if one is dancing blindfolded... do they share the same responsibility? Im not one to defend him at all costs, and of course if hes with her for money or power, he is spineless and kinda got into the grave he dig himself. But at this point, where its starting to become obvious even to his AAs that something is not right, when projects fail one after the other, a lawsuit on his back, potentially driving away good friends due to his behaviour.... And you can tell hes not ok. He's not. He's a shady version of his young self and obviously the drinking habits and stress have taken their toll. What would be the purpose of staying if not... fear? Codependence? Again, I dont like affirming things I dont absolutely know. These are my two cents for the sake of discussion. Nothing more, nothing else. Good vibes!

Sending good vibes right back. 🧡

[duckduckhjonk]

Ok off I go infodumping, yes, once again Mayhem related, they're forever in my brain and I cannot get them out

Note! This is long... And a mix of silly and not so silly... Take warning at that :3

I've colour coded them so you know which is which dw!!

Ok so to start off I wanna give a bit of my interpretation of the order they all joined the band in(silly headcanon)

The obvious is Teeth and Floyd were first, but I think maybe like one night while they were in a crummy motel or staying at a rented place for a bit is when Animal was dropped off with Floyd. Next I think Janice joined, like I've said on my rp blog, she was a waitress and watched them play a small show and immediately felt like she had to join. So she quit her job and did so. Then Zoot, again going off the rp blog, he was found on the side of a diner trying to get a bit of money. Lastly, of course, Lips joined. I like to think still he was introduced via the Muppet show. At first he was just supposed to be one of the guys in the orchestra, but the band liked him(I plan on writing a fic about him officially joining) and asked him to join.

~

My next topic would probably be moreso what I plan to do with Floyd's parents in my writing of season 2.(Serious headcanon)

I was originally going to be a bit more extreme with this, but given some of my other plans, I'd rather save that for a possible season 3 if I get there. I still wanna introduce his family though. A lot of it is projecting my issues onto him, of course my family issues aren't nearly as bad as the ones I gave him, but y'know, there's some projection within this.(Note; the projection is the favouritism my parents show, nothing else really)

Floyd's parents are overly militaristic. Made him enlist, was the reason he stayed for so long, y'know. But he never cared for it. He knew his destiny was music all along, that's why after he was fed up with it, he got himself discharged. Afterwards he cut mostly all contact except for with his sister. I imagine his sister is a tech kid and was the only one to show interest in military, hence her being much more The Favourite Child. The only reason he ever did still contact her was she never bullied and belittled him as bad as their parents did. He was fully pushed to cut contact with his sister the night he got Animal. He knew if he told her, his parents would get involved and possibly take Animal from him, and he wanted nothing to do with that.

~

3rd topic time! I wanna discuss Zoot's weird powers. I know it could just be Regular Muppet Bullshit but shut up I wanna talk about it in depth.(Silly Headcanon)

So I mostly have boiled it down to around 3 options. Godhood, Alien, or learned magic as a kid. The 3rd option is prob the least likely imo, I already have full backstory planned for Zoot, it wouldn't fit much. Although the other 2 seem a whole lot cooler. Alien would be interesting because that'd be two camera using blue muppets played by the same guy who just so happen to be aliens of some sort. I also like the thought of godhood. Imagine a god who had their memory completely wiped and got sent to earth. He knows nothing and just learns how to play sax and joins a band after much struggle to get accustomed to living in the mortal world.(By struggle I absolutely will discuss that in the backstory)(Prob not today but you'll get it in mayhem season 2) It would probably be the best option to explain some of this stuff, like I imagine him accidentally gifting his shoe with life and just going along with it. Would the other gods ever come to get him? Maybe but they think he's doing fine down there.

~

That's it for now, I've said a lot and got a lot off my mind about these losers, I love them btw.

[strawglicks]

Sorry for the ramble in your inbox incoming- I'm a really huge fan of your analysis type posts like the ones about Cathal and recently Flint ;A; So I hope its ok to maybe throw in my own 2 cents about Cogs/their society- (Sorry this gets rambly I thought about this last night and writing this like an hour after waking up lol)

I think what alot of people kind of (I wouldnt say ignore- more of:) don't really get is that I dont believe characters like Cathal or Flint have bad tendencies because they really want to in a way, (I kind of worded that poorly but point is) but because their society rewards and encourages that type of behavior. I think you said something kind of similar on Cathals post- But especially for Flint, whose a Bossbot (Who are literally the embodiment of a toxic workplace and elitism. I believe a old snippet from the TTO magazines says "They have no real skills of their own, just the ability to push down others and stay on top!" Or something to that nature.) he has to be demanding and imposing. There is no benefit to him in being kind. (Like looking at Misty for example) And don't get me wrong I don't believe that if Flint and Cathal were removed from Cog society they'd be better/objectively nicer (Like Flint not being condescending to Toons and Cathal not making people do things for him and being encouraged to try) But I do wonder how much of it is pressure, or how much of it is egged on and rewarded. Atleast in the aspects it relates to how they treat others.

(..And also I wonder what happens to Cogs that don't get jobs and are seen as ..not functioning. Since Graham was freaking the hell out in "Meeting Of Two Minds" over the possibility of not getting the job. I have a whole thing about this actually in my oc lore but thats another thing entirely I'll write about someday I swear)

Also I gasped when I saw the doodle of Graham in the MSI shirt finally a MSI listener Graham truther. I think he'd like the album "How I Learned To" and of course "You'll Rebel To Anything". I associate him mainly with the songs "Lights Out", "On It", and "You're No Fun Anymore" :p (This has been my favorite band since I was like 13 and now I get to spill all my opinions xD) I always imagined him doing the guitar backbend their bassist does! And my final hc is that Flint plays bass and Graham plays the main guitar. I think it fits them .. some people overlook bass when its actually pretty hard to learn from what I hear and vital to the song. (Like heres Feel Good Inc w/o the bass.. feels wrong x_x)

Anyways thanks for reading ;A; take care and happy new year!

RAHHHH EATING THIS UP YUM YUM YUM YES YES YOU GET IT

THe biggest issue with Cogs Inc is that it REWARDS and ENCOURAGES these poor behaviors, worsening these characters as people. ESPECIALLY cathal considering the position of power they’re in. I’m sure it applies to a ton of other cogs too, but unfortunately I haven’t gotten to them yet bc I’m not as insane abt them . LMAO

And yeah since cogs are literally built for work, it’s a wonder what happens to those who can’t find a job as easily as others. Hoping that gets built on since it’s clear in MOTM that these cogs have to actually apply and go to interviews and probably face some trial and error to land a job, just like people IRL.

ALSO. THE BAND HCS. I love it and you’re SOOOO RIGHT about the backbend that is so grahamcore. And yes I’m pretty sure Flint does play bass, I think his creator mailman said smth abt that on their blog . AND IM SO GLAD YOU BROUGHT UP FEEL GOOD INC bc i did draw flint in a demon days shirt in that same animatic . And ive def drawn them in the same shirt a couple times in the past too . I’ve always imagined him to be a Gorillaz fan, maybe graham too

Anyway ty for these thoughts im eating them up and leaving no crumbs . I love when ppl come to ramble in my inbox bc discussing this stuff IS SO FUN and a good outlet for me esp when i might be having art burnout rn .

[agirlwithbigdreamsforher]

THE CURIOUS CASE OF THE LITTLE SAUSAGES

THE NANNY: ONE SHOT

THE CURIOUS CASE OF THE LITTLE SAUSAGES.

Pairing: Andy Barber x Annie Johnson (OFC)

Summary: It’s movie day at the Children’s Cottage, and a new pregnancy symptom.

Warnings: None really, crying because hormones.

A/N:  English is not my first language, any mistakes are my own.

Disclaimer: I do not give permission for any of my works to be copied, used, translated nor reposted anywhere else but here on this blog. Do not steal what you didn’t work for. Minors and ageless blank blogs don’t interact with me or my works. Reblogs and likes are always welcome. Thank you for reading this work of fiction.

Word count: 1133

GIF'S not mine, you can find the credits in each gif :)

                                     ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Annie had been working at the Newton’s Children Cottage ever since she graduated. She was in charge of giving classes to kids that were mean to be in the first grade, and occasionally she gave tutoring to older kids when needed. She was now only four months pregnant and considering how bad she felt during the first trimester, she now felt good. At least she could eat without throwing up everything.

It was another Wednesday and she had organized a movie day for her kids. Claudia, the head of the cottage helped her getting food and beverages for the kids to enjoy a day of movies inside the facilities of the building. It was around 9:30, when the kids got ready to see the movie, blankets and cushions were thrown to the floor and each and every one of the kids took their spot and made themselves comfortable. Annie was at the end of the classroom, she sat on the floor against some cushions and blankets, and she took off her flats and enjoyed the film.

Two hours later the movie ended and she was ready to continue with her planned activities but then she notice her feet were incredible swollen, she tried to put on her shoes back on but they didn’t fit.

“Oh my god.” She whispered, “Ammm alright kids…!”

“Miss! Can we leave our shoes off?”

“YES! You know that it’s an excellent idea Timmy! Let’s stay with our shoes off. What you guys think?”

A loud “yeah” was heard in the classroom and Annie sighed in relief hoping that her feet will get better by the end of the day. The kids were now invested in making some basic math she had explained the class before. She was walking around the classroom, checking on their assignments when little Penny came to her and pulled her leggings.

“Yes, sweetie, you need help?”

“No, ammm I wanna say something.”

“Ok, go ahead.”

“I like your chubby feet.”

“Oh! Hehehe well thank you.”

“Yeah, they look like little toads.” The girl giggled.

“Ok, Penny, are you done with your assignment?” The girl shook her head, “Alright then, back to your place.”

It was noon and her feet were even worse than before. The kids were off for the day and she sat on her desk, there was no way she could put her flats back on.

“Hey,” a soft knock on the door made Annie look up, “How was the movie? Did they like it?” Claudia asked.

“Yeah, they had a great time. Thank you for helping me.”

“Anytime, you can leave now if you want.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t put my shoes back on, my feet are swollen and they hurt.”

Claudia look at her feet. “Come, lay down on the floor, that may help, I used to do that with both my kids, put your feet up against a wall. It worked every time.”

Annie made herself comfortable, and put her feet up, she sighed in relief once she felt the cold wall against the soles of her feet. 15 minutes later and her feet were still the same.

“Maybe I should call Andy to come and pick you up.” Claudia said with concerned.

“No, I’ll call him, if you do it he is going to believe something bad happened.”

Claudia passed her the phone and Annie dial Andy’s number. One ring… two rings.

“Hi, Honey! Listen I’m in a meeting and…”

“Can you come pick me up?”

“Why? Wait, you still at the cottage?” Andy looked at his watch, “Honey, did you forget to pick up Jake?”

“Fuck,” she said under her breath, she totally forgot about the poor kid, “I’m sorry. Andy, please.” Annie heard him apologized and said his wife had a situation.

“Listen I’m gonna pick up Jake and then we’ll come and get you.”

“Baby, can you go home first and bring me a pair of my flips flops?”

“Why?”

“Just do it, please.” And then she hang up the phone.

Another 15 minutes, Annie was now sitting on the floor with her legs crossed; her feet were less swollen now, but still she couldn’t fit her shoes on.

“Stupid shoes!” she threw the flat against the floor. “Where is Andy? I wanna go home, I’m hungry and I have to pee!”

“Calm down, it’s not good for the baby.”

“Hi, honey! Hi, Claudia!” A very cheerful Andy walked into her classroom.

“Where is Jake?”

“He is in the other room, playing. He is fine. Told him you were busy and that’s why I picked him up. So, what happened?”

“If I tell you, you’re gonna laugh.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

“You know today it was movie day?” Andy nodded, “So we all took our shoes off, and then,” She extended her legs showing Andy her feet, and he hold a laugh once he saw what was the problem, “My shoes don’t fit!” Annie could see Andy was trying so hard not to laugh, “Don’t you dare!” And with that Andy let out the loudest laugh she had heard from him.

“Honey!” He continued laughing, “Look at your chubby feet, your toes look like little sausages.”

Annie began to sob, tears streaming down her face.

“Nice work Andy,” Claudia said rolling her eyes.

“No, honey, I’m sorry.”

“You’re laughing at me!” She sobbed even harder now.

“Of course not! I would never, it’s just; your feet look really funny right now.” He laughed a bit more. Annie was red by now. Andy got closer and kissed her temple, “Look, I brought your pink flip flops, the ones with the cute bow you like,” He took them out of the plastic bag he was holding in his hands, “Let me help you, and then we can go home so you can rest for the day, ok?”

“You won’t laugh?” She rubbed her eyes, her mascara now ruined.

“I won’t laugh.”

Andy helped her putting on her flip flops and making her stand, Annie looked down at her feet, “They do look like sausages!” She began sobbing again.

“Cute little sausages, honey.”

“It’s the same!”

“No, it’s not.” Andy looked at Claudia who was about to laugh as well, “Hey, honey, If you stop crying we can go to the bakery and get one of those big cookies you like.” All of the sudden Annie stopped crying.

“I like cookies.” She whispered.

“I know you do, we can get some. But no more crying for now, deal?”

“Yeah, ok.” She said cleaning her face.

“Ok, let’s go home. Thanks for taking care of her Claudia.”

“No problem.”

Andy walked along with Annie holding her hand, giving small steps towards the door of the classroom.

“Can we get cake? Baby wants cake.”

“Anything you want, honey.”

[theribthatgrewback]

9, 11 and 13 :3

(ask game)

I assume you mostly want JtHM takes so I'll focus on those but since you didn't specify fandom I'll chuck in a couple others I feel strongly about if that's ok!

9. Worst part of canon

Johnny the Homicidal Maniac: This is tough, because I really like how everything was handled in the main story. I guess I personally found the doughboys slightly annoying, but at the same time, they served a crucial narrative purpose, so I really can't complain. Every (subjectively) """bad""" part of canon had a reason for being there, so I like every part for what it is. HOWEVER, if we're counting the spinoffs and the little "meanwhile" inserts, I really hated the like... vomit-porn aside thing in Squee. Though I guess hating it was the whole point, so like. mission accomplished? Also I don't really get Noodle Boy.

Adventure Time: Jake should have stayed blue. Explained here. I wrote the submission, hi.

Futurama: Multiple episodes. Neutopia weirdly ramped up everybody's misogyny beyond what's in-character in order to serve the "sexism is bad but gender is still part of the human experience and there will always be conflict" plot (which also is a weird gender-essentialism plotline anyway because like. The Fact That Gender Exists should not equal Conflict). Unnecessarily mean. Like I can see Bender doing that shit but there's no way that Farnsworth thinks that way. Unrelated to that one, Attack of the Killer App (origin of the "shut up and take my money" meme) leaned needlessly hard into gross-out humor. It just didn't fit the tone of the rest of the show.

Actually I'll be here all day if I list all my grievances so I'll cut this segment here.

11. Number of fandom-related words you've filtered

There's a lot of duplicates for The Same Thing Written Different Ways but if I count those as the same thing, 4. Across all fandoms. Though this blog hasn't been around long so this will probably expand in the future.

13. Worst blorbofication

(interpreting this as "wildly out of character to serve the 'comfort' of the person writing about them") Oh baby. I come from roleplay communities. I've seen shit that would make you sick. I've seen somebody play Fern (Adventure Time) Prismo (Adventure Time) and Kevin (Ben 10) all with the exact same personality. I've seen somebody Else who takes LITERALLY over 200 characters (in "no doubles" type places so now nobody else can use those characters), and also makes them all exactly the same... except for the added detail that This person talks like if a wiki page could make fart jokes. (Side note: I think that person also pretended to be three different people. Like there were three separate accounts with different names who all talked to each other, but they all wrote exactly the same way. And with exactly the same fart jokes. And they usually showed up at exactly the same time.) THE ONE SAVING GRACE of all this is that JtHM is obscure enough that I never saw Other People RP it in multifandom spaces, so it was spared this treatment. I have seen glimpses of how the fandom acts on tumblr though so:

JtHM: Nny. I really think Nny gets the worst of it. In canon, he's a very unlikeable person. That's part of why he's so interesting! He tries really hard to be nice to certain people, like to Squee, but he fails every time. He traumatizes that kid. He abuses animals. He's fatphobic. He blames addicts for their addictions. He trivializes the fight against racism (in a brief aside line at the cafe). He's all kinds of messy, awful things, and it's fascinating. It makes you want to pry his brain open and study him. Yet so much of the fanstuff you see of him files down his bad edges and just makes him "funny murder guy" at the cost of the nuances of his personality (this happened to Patrick Bateman too, as an aside). People are scared to confront that he's kind of a piece of shit, just because he's the Cool Protagonist.

[colortheorybydocandgwen]

10/11/2011 Tuesday

Content Warning: Stealing, Mature content

today was so lame. Reason: I had 3 hrs of sleep so I was crabby but now I feel kinda emotional. (Probably because I'm starting my perioud) I will tell u my Background...

. . .

I am now 11 years old and I'm a girl. I am american and that's it. But my world background is: my name is misty, I have a HusBand named Jake and a kid named Mia, I am 113 days old, Jake 109, and Mia 73, I have my own "money" take a look. Ok can't show it ma got onto me 4 wasting game $. So I can't glue it. ): there's one thing I forgot we're all vampires. Ok back 2 realaty. I forgot to tell my name is Gwen O. T. Here's one thing I'll tell I took money for ma's snachle goin back 4 sum later 3rd time in a row I thought she'd notice but she didn't I took $52.00. in 2 nights anyway it's a donation 4 my monster High Dolls, see most of them were broke so I'll get new ones Here they are: Draculara, Duce, and Cleo. all I wanted to do is go home I had a Horable Day But I won't tell what happened well peace. (for little while) Ok I think ma's on to me so I'll make up an excuse BrB. Ok she is totaly onto me (about the money) now she's in her room. yes I stalleD Her time. OK Here's what it started out to be. "Come Here I need to talk to you" we all know that's never a good sign. And I repeat NEVER So IDK if I'll go money Hunting, I might but IDK. OK I'm crazy because I put 3 of my MH (Monster High) in choffins can u think-they Barely fit! BrB I wrote 8 paragraphs and this is #9. Goin money huntin BrB. I'm back I grabbed $9.00 Brb and now I stole $107.17 out ov ma's bag... This is one of those OH SHIT moments. But now I'm wondering if I should put it back? No I'll stay in after I come home from school fill my bookbag up with food: What I'll do! OK Here's my plan when we get off the bus I'll give Nathan a note that says "I will be outside playing for a while" Nathan will give her the note and I will disappre. OK I think I'm going to sleep gn mood: 1/2 sleepy 1/2 scared OK I can't think where to sleep Because I;m scared of my room so I'll sleep where the idiouts sleep (Boys). I'm going to Nathan's room BrB. they won't let me in there because they're watching porn and masterBating (totally gross). OK I think I'm all tired out. GN I guess Mood: sleepy

~

Hey there friends! I wanted to say two things: One, a reminder that I started writing pretty young, so please excuse my spelling and interests. Two, the blog doesn't have any followers, but I just wanted to thank no one in particular for allowing this space for us to post pieces of my life. As you will be able to see from one of the pictures, sometimes my books get damaged later on and the words are illegible. By allowing me to post these things, they are immortalized and have a possibility of helping someone. Mush love everyone |~|

[dhs-in-distress]

Been waiting for that Diablo lore drop, he looks very neat :eyes:/not forced

Holy shit, I actually didn‘t expect anyone to care about him so this makes me happy to the point of tears almost,, But I‘ll gladly give you that lore drop RIGHT NOW!

It all started when he was born…

I‘m kidding, it started before he was properly born actually, soon after the egg he‘d eventually hatch from had been laid. His parents decided to abandon it somewhere in the woods, far far away from their home. It was too small, too fragile for them, no strong and dominant brute could possibly become of this one they thought. But it was found all the same (obviously), by an older silver dragonborn, with plenty of children of her own already, but she couldn‘t possibly leave this little one to die out here. So she brought it to where her clan resided and incubated it until a healthy little red baby emerged.

Ok, enough with the properly written sentences, this is a rant blog after all (and I wanna get this done before I go to bed and it‘s 11pm already).

So yeah, Diablo grew up in this community of others like him, but not quite like him. Because they‘re of the silver heritage, the harmonious and kind people, and he‘s of the red heritage, the evil and violent monsters. And it‘s not like he showed any kinds of negative traits in his adolescence, sure he was a little annoying and talked a lot and never found any of his peers‘ jokes funny, but aren‘t all kids like that sometimes?????? (I‘m projecting). Anyway, to him there was no difference, he loved his family and neighbours and everyone really all the same, always did the things he was asked to do and happily contributed as a cook to the peaceful life in this clan. But to everyone else he seemed… different. A little off perhaps. Don‘t get me wrong, his mum and family and friends and a lot of people still adored him for how hard working he was, but to most he still didn‘t fit in completely…

Upon a request by his mother, who felt that maybe a part of his subconscious was longing for the ways of the red dragonborn, they transferred Diablo from his cooking part-timer to a hunting job. He just didn’t appear to fit in quite comfortably into the peaceful cooking job, more often than not coming across as stiff and uncanny to others (though everyone is too polite to bring it up directly, but everyone notices…) And technically speaking he took to it really well, becoming skilled at catching and slaying beasts as well as preparing them into full-blown meals, but mentally…

Well, he just didn‘t get any of it. He‘d been happy at the cooking job, and while he didn‘t mind the new position he just couldn‘t understand why he‘d been transferred. And he was still like a teen at this point, and they typically got assigned one part-time job after their schoolings to support the community based on where it was needed the most, so that‘s what he assumed happened. Diablo would‘ve asked, but didn‘t want to seem like he was complaining, since every time he usually asked questions people assumed that, and had no idea how to ask in a way that didn‘t seem like it, and it always felt so overwhelming to him and-

So he just never asked, stayed in the hunting job until he „graduated“ and started doing it full-time. Diablo had grown into an absolute unit, perfectly suited for wrestling the large beasts into submission before killing them as quickly and painlessly as possible, the physical epitome of his heritage. And at the same time he was always extremely kind, using careful and polite words whenever he spoke and doing everything in his power to be both pleasant and useful. The odd behaviours never subsided however… To everyone else he still seemed off, uncomfortable at times, performative in the way he spoke and just not quite right. They thought he was suppressing his true wild nature to fit in, and, thinking they were doing him a favour, gently kicked him out and told him to seek out the red clan so he could finally be himself.

I‘m skipping a lot of details here but this is the gist of it.

But yeah, I‘d imagine they don‘t communicate clearly in that clan. The people are nice and polite, but never say what exactly they mean and it‘s hard to actually have unpleasant and hard conversations. You‘re made to feel like it‘s important to always keep up the spirits almost. This is what Diablo was having issues with precisely, as a child he was that direct and, in the others‘ eyes, unpleasant to talk to, but learned to try and keep it mouth shut, talk about just the right things in just the right tone, don‘t ask too many questions and always keep a good demeanour at the forefront. He was trying so hard that it came across as worrying, but instead of talking to him about it the leaders made assumptions and acted based on those, confusing Diablo further in the process.

Never mind this isn‘t even an allegory for being autistic, this is just me protecting my autism experience onto Diablo,,,

Anyway, he goes to seek out his „true“ clan, as the silver dragonborn told him, meets the rest of the party, and shenanigans happen I assume. Idk, we never got to play until now and I doubt we ever will, but whatever. Diablo chooses the brute/barbarian position in the group to get accustomed to the „way of the red dragonborn“, but his peace and friendship loving ass is kind of bad at the „being an aggressive tank“ part of it. Like really bad. And the only way he ever goes into the „barbarian rage“ is if one or more of team mates get greatly injured, then he sees red,, literally. But it doesn’t even bother him because while he doesn’t really care for the fighting itself, it’s the fact that he gets to do it with his friends that makes it all worth it. Other than that he‘s, as I’ve said before, a silly goofy guy, very talkative in his slightly odd speech patterns and eager to bond with everyone. He loves them all so much and with everyone being slightly weird (aka everyone in our friend group being neurodivergent) finally feels truly understood and at home.

At some point the group does come across the clan of red dragonborn Diablo‘s biologically from, and he looks just like his biological father, which is how his „parents“ instantly recognise him as that egg they abandoned years and years ago (Diablo‘s about early to mid 30‘s at the start of the campaign so I‘d imagine they‘d be pretty old). And they see how he looks now, the perfect warrior basically, and want to welcome him in and join their clan and be one of them, but Diablo realises that his family has been with him this whole time. So he politely declines, thanks them for giving him closure (and has to get into a physical altercation with his father for „daring to just waltz into here and then try to leave again“) and never talks to either of those clans again.

(Except for his many siblings back in the silver clan, they had no say in the kicking out thing and got a hold of him through… some means,, and they send letter like every week.)

The end. Or something. Nah, I‘ll probably talk about him again, maybe finally use that giant „ask post“ I never got to, who knows.

But it‘s midnight now and I can barely see straight, so this is all (for now)…

[pisces-magazine]

Enemies to lovers kinda thing

OKAY SO oh my god

i was out of my house during the weekend and i missed my blog SO MUCH this time because OH SHIT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED ????????????

what HAPPENED was

ok so i've been going out with some friends this year and the other day we slept over together for the first time.

it was all really beautiful and im moved but that a handful of separate posts.

the guy who i find really hot, he was there.

and we had a bed situation. we were 6 and there were two beds, in which only 2 fit, so i suggested to my friend to fabricate a bed out of blankets, so he did that.

when the time to sleep came, we were seeing who was sleeping with who and, of course, him and i said that "we didn't mind" sleeping on the floor so obviously no one questioned it bc no one ever wants the floor lol. (i told my sister this, and she said that that was "so wattpad coded" and she's RIGHT) (also im watching this telenovela where on friday the same thing happened and it's also a enemies to lovers plot LIKE THIS i like HOW is this real how is this happening to me)

so. yea.

AND

and AnD. god. ok bear me it was COLD alright and my stupid friend put on the fan too so it was REALLY COLD and i was ON THE FLOOR and his stupid ass put only 2 blankets as a matress and nothing to cover ourselves with, and i was so cold i put myself under one blanket.

not even and HOUR went by and he assumed i was asleep, i think. BECAUSE he. he... HE UM

oh my god there are so many things to sayy about him but right now i'll say what happened this weekend and nothing elase ok ok so

(im struggling to write this down because im BLUSHING i hate this i feel like such a straight slut i hate it fuck him). im. im blushing right now jesus fucking christ only to THINK about it

like i said, it was really cold alright, so because i was under one blanket and he was on top of it, it was gonna tug, so i had, i HAD to put myself closer to him, for it to cover me the most. apparently he wasn0t asleep and realised, not that i didnt wanan bc its nothing buT

at some point he did the same, the blanket wouldnt tug anymore if i put myself afar from him but still i stayed for heat reasons. like I NEEDED his body heat ok i was so cold and i didnt bring anything like a hoodie so it was. an exteme situation...

i was face down, him as well. my hand was on one side just along my body and my other arm was folded, right hand near my face.

he slowly reached for my hand, him being on my left. like testing the water. at first he moved his hand as an accident, as if he was asleep, to see if i was awake and moved mine away, which i didnt. so. he kept going some seconds later, put all of his hand on mine. It was so sweet !! he caressed it, i was SMILING like a fucking FOOL .

we stayed like that for a while, but then he moved it away and started caressing my back, like my mid to top back. then my side, my other arm. i was so fucking happy. AND HE WAS SO WARM i loved it.

then he grabbed my other arm and slowly made his way to my hand.

it was a cycle of all these movements THE WHOLE NIGHT

and i know it was the whole night because i made sure to not fall asleep because i really wanted to be there as long as it happened, and im so glad i did. i remember all of it clearly. anyway i dont think i had a choice given my heart was PUMPING like i could hear myself.

i dont know, it was really sweet, i was a little amazed at the whole thing.

oh and there was only 1 pillow and he grabbed it so i could feel when his head came closer to mine because i felt the pillow in the back of my head ehehhe. there were a couple times where i could hear him sigh while he caressed me, like i could HEAR his smile. THAT was a happy man right there.

whenever he grabbed my hand again he would try to intertwine our fingers. i kept my hand stiff like, "asleep" because i have no balls.

in the morning he got up and when he came back he GRABBED MY HAND AGAIN like he would use absolutely every chance he got to do so. then he got up again and i layed on my side, arms in front of me, and still he made himself close to me when he came back, putting his head close to mine.

oh and at some point at night my shirt lifted a bit so he caressed the skin of my side. amazing experience.

really happy, really blushed.

i hate feeling straight feelings it's so embarrassing oh my god

anyway he played dumb when we got up, like it didnt happen lmaooo

im thinking about telling him hey, by the way, i was awake. just to see him die in front of me tehehe

yeah well there's THAT !!!!!!

[ruminate88]

”Victim Mentality”???? 🥴❤️‍🩹

I often downplay my own experiences because most of it was by total strangers on the internet. No one physically touched me but ok, abuse of any kind is still abuse…

After my last relationship with my ex Andrew, I was beyond confused and hurt!!! I could not explain what happened. The breakup was so confusing because I’m the one who did it, yet Andrew treated me as if he’s the one who did it… I still very much loved him but only broke up with him becuase I had proof he was cheating AND he refused to say “he loved me” but he won’t break up 🥴😣💀 Sir, you don’t date someone you do NOT love… that’s just common sense. (I didn’t realize he didn’t wanna be the bad guy plus didn’t wanna lose his toy and motherly figure) He showed zero emotions when we broke up. I had no idea that’s a coping mechanism 😣 I just assumed he didn’t care about me AT ALL.

Annnnywaaaaay, I walked away like “WTH??? HES SO WEIRD!!!!” But I loved the version of him that I originally called “my boyfriend” there just so much fog and I’d go on his Facebook and he seemed normal but his actions didn’t match his words. I move on… I marry someone else. I can’t stop thinking of Andrew and it doesn’t take long at all before I feel totally disconnected from my new relationship. 🥺😔💔 I blame him…. My new man didn’t wanna go certain places with me after we got married even though he was going when we dated. That triggered me soo hard but I had no idea I was being “triggered” that word wasn’t even in my vocabulary 😝😝😝 I felt so distant from my new man and I’ve had to just go with the flow of it all. Just be in the motions. I told my mom there was a “disconnect” between my new man and me… she’s even questioned “why are you striving so much in your marriage” 😣

Whenever I first learned about emotional abuse, I right away started putting pieces of my past together. Took me almost a whole year just watching these videos on emotional abuse, feeling like I hopped in a loop and couldn’t escape!! I sometimes had to shut down all social media because it was draining and depressing.

I NEVER saw myself as a “victim” when I broke up with Andrew. I was just confused and frustrated. I just wanted the nightmare to end with him. He was hurting me over and over… I cried all summer over Andrew. Yet, it didn’t all just “go away”. The pain stayed, the confusion stayed and by 2020, my stomach suddenly has all these issues. I lose so much weight. I realize how much hair I’ve lost. My eyes slowly start to open to the truth.

Not quite a whole year after I even learned what emotional abuse is, I started this blog so I could find a private place to talk about all of it. Suddenly I’m on this weird and crazy “healing journey” and it’s bizarre 🤡🤡 It’s like I can’t get out of it and EVERYWHERE I read, it allllll says “HEALING…TAKES…TIME”!! 😓😓😓😓 ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I constantly feel guilty like “well, no one actually touched me. Just cuz they used my naked photos and manipulated me.” 😣💀 I take accountability that I was immature and naive. I am the one who willingly sent my photos. I engaged in toxic relationships on my own will. I was lonely and motherly becuase I had been the family caretaker. It didn’t shake me to treat Andrew like a baby at times. He often acted like a 10 year old boy with me and it did not weird me or bother me. It bothered all of my online girlfriends and they would question me, “Why do you like this immature little boy anyway??” 🥴🥺 Andrew was too young for me to start with but I mean, I was the family mother. I mothered everyone around me so Andrew was just thrown into the mix. He just sorta fit into my daily life. It didn’t phase me. I saw nothing wrong until he started disappearing a lot and ignoring me days; leaving my messages on delivered. That’s when I started to realize that he’s hiding stuff and yet when I would express my feelings/sadness to Andrew, he acted scared and upset at me. I would mention “breaking up” and sometimes he would turn into a baby having a tantrum yet, asking me, “why do you feel this way?? I don’t wanna break up!!” BUT on his social media, he seemed like he’s extremely successful, popular at his college with his university staff and his peers. Always posing with “beautiful girls”. Was so weird and frustrating for me. He was two different personalities!!!!! How someone can get mad when I mention breaking up but he clearly looks like he’s cheating his brains out. Why are you always surrounding yourself with all these beautiful girls but calling me “babe”??!! Yet most of our conversations surrounded sex. Just sometimes he opened up and let me know him closer. It was rare though. I see all these videos about “not staying in a victim mentality” but these videos irritate me. I just ignore them. I never saw any of this before. Never saw “emotional abuse”. Never believed I was abused even though I was so confused and disconnected. There’s been many other issues that I just lately learned is impacts from the abuse. Stuff that was weird like “being super hot or cold.”, “Constant bumping into stuff and always being covered in bruises.”, “hormonal changes”. Sooooo many weird things happening that I couldn’t explain 😳😳😳😳 it Alllllllll adds up and makes sense.

These past couple of months, I’ve had little to no energy. There is another factor adding to it but every where I have read or watched videos on the abuse, they ALL say you need so much rest. Idk…. Sometimes I ask myself “Is this all so crazy???? Am I dramatic or crazy!??” I’ve also went through a season where I asked “was I the toxic and abusive one”??? I’ve went back and forward blaming them and myself. Moments I’m angry but then quickly defuse myself becuase it’s in the past and they can’t undo what they’ve done. So it’s hard to stay “mad” but I’m constantly “sad” over them. I have this “longing” over Andrew that doesn’t go away… ever. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 I’m trying to figure a way through it all. Through the emotional barriers and over this wall blocking me.