#(ok im mostly kidding. a lot of people ask me my concentration and i have to be like yeah my school didnt have concentrations

[ghostbustermelanieking]

can i call myself a historian if all i've got is my bachelor's in history and i can't actually get a job in history? i'm trying to find a less douchey, complicated way to say "i have a degree in history" or "i was a history major"

[warrenwitches3]

In The Beginning Women Was The Sun

Ever since I was a child I never once truly smiled.

I never got to be raised like a normal kid with a loving family, no, the universe hated me I hated me. I guess some part of myself still does, but I could never hate nor blame them. It wasn’t our fault we’re different, but people move on, I moved on,most died sadly sadly, I miss them and I hope they miss me-

“KEIKO IM GOING!!” My brother was hanging out with his friend Akkun, he acts weird a lot, his personality kinda switches, like he’s a new person, but I don’t ask, he’ll tell me when he’s ready.

I walked downstairs. “Bye, have fun” and walked off into the kitchen hearing the door close behind him.

“Alone again huh? Maybe I’ll finish that painting today” I make myself a hot chocolate and go out to the little garden shed where I do my art.

———————

The house phone was ringing, I could hear it even from all the way out here.

“Hello, yes this is she, yes I do, thank you yes I’ll be on my way now thank you.” That idiot landing himself in the hospital. I grabbed my bag and went out the door riding off on my bike. Passing the cars and all the buildings was rather calming, I like to think I’m calm right now but the way my hands were gripping the handles or how much faster I was riding the bike then I normally do said otherwise. The car park was busy, mostly filled up but there was a spot near the door for me.

“Hello” I approached the lady at the desk. “I’m here to visit my brother Hanagaki Takemitchi”.

“Hmmm, room D3 love.” She smiled

“Thank you” I turned to walk away.

“Hi, what room is hanagaki takemitchi in?” A soft voice I recognised asked.

“Hina hey,you can come with me.” I waved at her.

“Ah! Keiko, it’s been a while how are you?” She asked.

“I’m going good, you?”

“I’m great, I haven’t seen you much anymore, you stopped joining me and takemitchi on out walks to school, and our study sessions every Thursday night.” She remarked.

“Sorry, mum got me a new therapist so the sessions had to change” I looked down, eye contact made me nervous.

“Oh! What happened to the old one?” She asked, she knew I didn’t like direct eye contact so she was fine with me looking at the floor.

“She died.” I left it simple, I didn’t know much other then what the news said, all I got told was that she died due to gang violence, she’s lucky it was only a gang.

“Oh..that’s sad” yes it is, she had a life ahead of her, I liked her, but I didn’t know her.

“We weren’t that close but I still feel bad, it was some gang thing.” We arrived at takemitchis room and I held the door open for her. We heard a sobbing like sound. Hina pushes back the curtain.

“Are you ok!what’s wrong?” There was a blonde girl with her head on his lap, she was crying, I think Hina took it differently though, common mistake anyone would make.

“Oh no stop! That’s gross!” She looked disgusted “how dare you” she sounded like she wanted to barf. I think he got the message.

“NO NO NO! It’s not what it looks like Hina I swear!!!” She hit him.

“You good to be released?” I asked not wanting this misunderstanding to continue, I like Hina, can’t have him lose her.

———————

“I’m leaving now is there anything you want?” I poked my head through mitchi’s room to see him doing the puzzle I got him.

“Uhh no thanks just some snacks” he’s actually concentrating for once.

“No medication that the doctors gave you?” I ask for confirmation.

“No they gave me none actually.” He’s still focused on the puzzle.

“Alright I’ll be back soon bye” I wave him off and go downstairs. I stop by the mirror in the hallway to make sure I look good before leaving, it’s not that hot nor that cold so I can wear an outfit with a fair amount of accessories and layers. I open the door and I’m greeted with the sight of Mitchi’s friend group.

“Hello guys, Mitchis in his room.” I let them in. “Don’t cause a mess or get him to move around to much.”

“Thank you Keiko” Akkun says leading the rest up the stairs.

I leave the house and start walking down the street, I can’t take the bike so I’ll walk. I pass by a few people but one sticks out, he’s tall and blonde with the sides of his hair shaven of, the rest pulled into a plate, with a dragon tattoo on the side of his head, he’s a gang member definitely. I go about my day not stopping for him, why should I he holds me no importance but being a stranger on the street.

———————

The shopping got done but the front yard was undone.

“Mitchi and his friends had fun I see..” things were thrown everywhere, his bat was broken, his favourite bike, at least mine was left untouched and unscathed. I made my way through the yard carefully and opened the door with my foot, I slipped my shoes off and put the groceries on the counter. I grabbed my phone and called the bot at the source of all this mess.

———————

Takemitchis POV

“Oh Crap!” Keiko was calling me, I remember the way we left the yard and prayed her bike was ok, I never got to check.

“Hey Kei how’d the shopping go?”

“Good I got all the stuff but I have a question”

“Uhhh yeah..?”

“What happened to the front yard?!”

“Ahhh! I’m so sorry Kei really my friends had a fight and I tried to stop them but it got out of hand look-“ at this point everyone stopped to look at me with the mention of the fight.

“Your lucky my bike is ok.”

“Oh thank god.”

“You and me are cleaning this together tomorrow alright? And where are you anyway it’s late out.”

“I’m ok don’t worry I’m with my friends at the par-“

“But still it’s dangerous past sunset you should come home, what if you got mugged, or beaten up or-“

“Keiko. I’ll be ok, this isn’t Yokohama ok shibuya might not be the safest place ever but it’s not Yokohama.”

“Ah.. I know, sorry I just-“

“It’s ok your just looking out for me, I’ll head home in a minute alright I’m safe.”

“Hmm.. alright we can talk more when you get home, but be safe, by Mitchi, love you to the moon”

“And I’ll love you all the way back, see you soon Kei” I ended the call with the others looking at me.

“What..?” I sweat dropped

“Who was that?” Mikey asks.

“Uhh.. it’s Keiko, my sister.”

“What! You have a sister! And you never told us! And here I thought we were friends.” Mickey complained.

“Yeah what’s up with that takemitchi.” Darken turns to me.

“Well it’s not like the topic came up and she’s a keep to herself kinda person..” I answered.

“But she’s really nice! And pretty, and quite protective, but she’s cool.” Hina adds talking about Keiko. Emma looks at her.

“You know her Hina?” Hina nods her head.

“Yeah, apart from Takemitchi I was her first friend when they took her in.” She had a smile on her face, one she wears for Keiko, it holds sincerity, she treats Keiko like her own sister, it makes me happy that my two favourite girls get along well.

“Took her in?” Draken asks.

“Yeah my mum took her in when she saw her passed out in an alley near her work. She was in bad shape but refused to go to the hospital when she woke up, almost got out the car while it was on the freeway, mum came home to patch her up.” I explained shortly, I didn’t think it was ok for me to explain the whole story, it wasn’t my decision.

“Woah! So she was a street rat!” It was mikey.

“HUH!”

“Uhh..”

“You can’t say that you idiot!” Draken gave him a slap over the head. “Don’t go bad mouthing Takemitchis sister! Now apologies!”

“Hmph! Sorry Takemitchi.” His apology was half assed!

“It’s alright I guess..” I rubbed my neck not knowing how to respond. “Hey, I uhh..gotta go now so I’ll se you guys at the festival yeah?”

“Ask Kei if she wants to come! She needs to get out more and plus she could meet Emma!” Hina stated.

“I’ll try to get her out..” I turn and take my leave home. “Bye!”

NOTE: boom! Done with this first chapter, so idk how this story is gonna go or if it’s gonna be continued but I do have some backstory for Keiko and I think if I do continue this it’ll be really fun, also don’t worry I’m still doing the twst one I’ve got a chapter in the making rn it’s half way there but tell me what y’all think of this, also the first person thing might not be forever I just wanted to give it a shot, anyway bye ✌️ have a good day.

[sparkly-angell]

Hi! Could I ask for a Superbat prompt? Fake dating? Thank you!

Hey anon, remember me? When you asked this five months ago? Here it is. (Im sorry it took me so long, I got into univerity (finally) and life became a wreck!) 

Hope this is enough apology: superbat, fake date, 3k, pure fluff ;)

Prompt me | Ko-fi | AO3 version  🌻

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“No way.” 

“Bruce, no one will recognize you, please–”

“I’m not doing it.” 

“You just have to stand by my side and smile every now and again.” 

“Why don’t you ask Diana for it?”

Clark’s mouth clamped shut. Because she’s in Themyscira sure as hell wasn’t going to make Bruce suddenly decide that yes, he was giving up his weekend to go with Clark to a school reunion back in Smallville and pretend to be his plus one because Clark accidentally bought two tickets. He knew it was no use to try and convince Bruce, but it wasn’t like he had a choice, not really.

“Please, Bruce, it’s just one night. I’ll even get Ma to make that family recipe pork roast I know you love.” 

Bruce’s eyes shifted from the CCTV screens to him, calculating, before they got back to work, and back ignoring Clark.

“Go bother Lois.” and with that, he started tapping on his keyboard as immaculate as always.

“Lois is covering a big story this weekend.” Not a lie, but Clark didn’t want to ask Lois for this.

They’ve broken up over five months now, but no way things wouldn’t turn awkward if she said yes.

Clark sagged his shoulders, feeling resignment wash over him. Guess he ought to look for someone else. He was sure Barry would be excited to go with him. He glanced at Bruce again, his eyes never leaving the screen, deep in concentration as if Clark had never been there to bother him in the first place. He smothered a sign.

“Yeah, ok. Sorry to bother you. I’ll go see if Barry would like to go, then.” he turned and walked hopelessly up the stairs to the mansion. Maybe Alfred would take pity on him and offer a few of his delicious cookies.

The tapping of the keyboard stopped and Clark heard Bruce’s chair swirling around.

“Barry is your second option?” Bruce asked incredulously, “Barry?”

 Clark frowned, “Why not?”

Bruce let out a series of unintelligible noises before taking a deep breath and pinching the bridge of his nose. “That kid has a crush on you, Clark.” he got up from the chair and ran a nervous hand over his hair.

Clark’s eyes widened. “He what?” 

Bruce scoffed and shook his head. “It’s so obvious even a blind man can see it.”

His face fell to the ground. Well, if it couldn’t be Barry, who would he be taking? No one felt quite as right as Bruce, but he already said he wouldn’t…

Bruce met his eyes but quickly averted it, clicking his tongue. “Stop with the long face. Ok, I’ll go with you. But just this time–and I get to chose your suit.”

Clark smile threatened to split his face in two as the butterflies inside his chest somersaulted cheerfully.

“Thank you, Bruce, you won’t regret it!” he sprinted excitedly the remaining stairs all the while shouting, “I’ll tell Ma to buy some pork!”

-

Clark was panicking.

He paced from one side of his apartment to the other, trying to quench his nervousness back inside. Not that his apartment was big, no, it wasn’t even 7 meters in length, but he needed to move to distract himself while he waited for Bruce to pick him up.

Clark squeezed his eyes shut and let an exasperated groan.

Why again did he invite Bruce, of all people? 

He hadn’t realized how stupid his decision had been until the postman came baring a fancy, expensive looking box for him that morning. Inside had been the deep blue suit he now wore. It had come with a note.

‘Please, wash up before putting it on, don’t mess it up. I’m picking you at 6pm.’

He looked at his watch again. 6:15pm.

Ok, he breathed, only one minute since he last checked time. That’s progress.

Bruce was late, but that’s fine. He’s always fashionably late, isn’t he? Yes, that was it. It’s not like Bruce forgot about it. Right? He even went through the trouble to get Clark a proper suit, which, indeed was the finest cloth his body has ever come in contact with.

He slumped on his bed, ignoring the painful crack it let out. If he was being truthful, he actually appreciated this few minutes Bruce gave him. At least he could get comfortable with the fact that he would have to pretend to be Bruce’s boyfriend for a night.

His face heated up instantly. Clark abruptly let his elbows fall on his thighs as he massaged his temples soothingly. Ma would be calling him dramatic, but this felt necessary.

How was he, Clark Kent, the worst liar on the planet Earth (except when it came to his identity) to pretend not to have a massive crush on Bruce Wayne, so that Bruce doesn’t notice, while pretending to be in love with said man, at the same time?

Clark was considered super by some, but this decision was just plain stupid. Maybe super stupid.

A single, clean knock came from his door. Clark spurted to his feet and straightened his clothes, trying to make it even and stop it from looking like he had just been lying on his bed pitifully. One last look in the mirror told him his glasses were a little off, so he quickly adjusted them.

Ok, he breathed out. He was ready.

…Or so he thought. Clark’s breath wasn’t so much as taken but punched away from his lungs as his eyes skimmed over Bruce. He had knew his friend looked good in suits, Clark even saw it face to face a few times before, but for some reason, Bruce looked especially gorgeous in Clark’s hallway lights.

His suit was a smart grey, that hugged him in all the right places, not that Clark would expect anything less. Black slick shoes that looked just bought and a expensive looking watch finished the look. But what had caught Clark’s eyes was his tie, which matched the exact colors of Clark’s own suit.

Clark hoped to anyone listening that his blush didn’t look as bright as it felt. He looked at Bruce’s eyes, blue, sparkling eyes and felt a pang of love mixed with a small dose of lust washing his body. Clark cleared his throat and gave him a shy, trembling smile.

That seemed to snap Bruce out of his own world too. A light blush spreaded over his cheeks as he averted his face away, schooling his expression before facing Clark again.

“I knew the blue suit would look good on you.”

Clark froze with his heart in his throat, watching Bruce walk back towards the flight of stairs he’d just climbed.

-

Clark couldn’t say he missed most the people from his high school years. Of course, there were some people he still talked from time to time, who had also moved to Metropolis and who he would go out with and have a coffee. 

Whenever in Smallville he met with the ones he was closer and decided to take on family business. But it wasn’t many people, he was never one of the popular ones, never want to have the spotlight in his face, specially with his powers flowering in his teens.

So it didn’t make much sense that they were getting all this attention from everyone in the party.

They’ve traveled to Smallville by one of Bruce’s jets, stopping on the Kent’s farm, and from there, they went to the school with Pa’s old truck, not to call too much unwanted attention. The travelling was mostly quiet, they went over the plan as Clark gave Bruce a quick once over of his classmates and his old school. He told Bruce he was a hundred percent sure no one would recognize him. Smallville wasn’t one to keep up with news, specially in the business department. So he needn’t worry.

What Clark didn’t expect was that, even so, they still stood out a lot.

“Maybe is the suits.” Clark whispered to Bruce once the girl who had been talking with them excused herself to the bathroom. Bruce scoffed.

“But these are really simple.” he shook his head in confusion. Clark bit his lips, holding back a laugh, “What’s so funny?” He scowled at Clark.

Clark only shrugged and shook his head. Bruce wouldn’t get it.

“It’s definitely our clothes Bruce.” he couldn’t help the smile that broke his face. God, they were totally overdressed for this reunion and Clark could barely hold back his laugh.

“Or maybe they are stunned that small and shy Clark Kent became a gorgeous tall man that wears good clothes and has a handsome rich man as partner.” Bruce leaned over him, voice flirtatious as he smirked playfully. Too close.

Clark gulped dryly as a crimson blush crawled over his cheeks. This was all an act, he reminded himself, Bruce was doing it for their flirting façade to continue.

He smiled back and tilted his head to the side.

“Of course, that’s very humble of you, dear.” he winked. He could do that too. Two could flirt. Clark might not have Bruce’s experience, but he could follow a little flirt.

Even if his heart kept drumming desperately. 

“Clark? Is that you?” Clark turned around following the source of the woman’s voice. He’d completely forgotten about the other people around them, but smiled once he found himself face to face with Lana. 

“Oh, Lana! How are you?” he gave her a quick friendly hug before getting closer to Bruce’s space. Faking it or not, Clark felt a lot more secure near his friend. 

“I’m fine! Just got here, actually.” her eyes fell on Bruce. She smiled, “And this is…?” 

“Bruce, Clark’s partner.” he held his hand out and shook hers cordially, giving her his best captivating smile, “Nice to meet you, Lana.”

She smiled back, a faint blush covering her beautiful high cheeks. Clark held back the urge to roll his eyes. Of course everyone would be enchanted by Bruce.

“The pleasure is all mine.” she said, voice but a purr. “So? How did you two meet?” She turned back to Clark.

“Work. Bruce is my colleague.” 

“Oh? A journalist as well?” Lana took a sip of her drink, eyes never leaving them.

“Not quite.” Bruce winked, knowing full well how mysterious he sounded and sneaked a hand over Clark’s waist. His heart jumped, eighth time that night, but Clark leaned into it casually.

Lana raised an eyebrow.

“That makes a woman wonder.” she taps her chin amusedly a few times before dropping her hand, “Well, it was nice seeing you again, Clark, and you, Bruce. I’ll catch up with the others, maybe we can talk more later, what you think? It’s been quite a while.”

“Sure it has.” Clark smiled as they both watched her dazzle away.

“You didn’t tell me Lana was your ex when you told me about her.” Bruce deadpanned right on his ear. Clark didn’t know how he still had blood to continue blushing like that.

“How did you know?” there was no point denying it, now that Bruce said it out loud. 

Bruce scoffed and gave him his signature ‘why do I even need to explain’ expression. “It’s written all over you two.”

Clark groaned miserably and Bruce squeezed his his hand over his hips compassionately. Clark blushed, suddenly reminding himself Bruce still had a possessive arm around him. And if he was truthful to himself, he enjoyed the feeling very much.

“Let’s go for another round and later we can get some air, what do you think?” Bruce suggested leading them towards another couple. He raised his eyebrow and smirked, “This is not so different from my galas, it’s quite fun.”

“I thought you hated the galas.” Clark frowned.

“It’s gratifying to see people taken aback by my presence. Especially when they don’t know who I am.”

Clark rolled his eyes foundly. “You are horrible, Bruce.”

Bruce’s smile only grew. He winked again, now directed at him.

“You know it.”

-

“I can’t wait to go home.” Clark said with a sigh. He sat down on his school’s front steps, resting his chin on his hands. All the houses from the main street in front of them were already closed and sound asleep, the only thing illuminating the village were the scattered street lamps, that gave the impression of golden auras hovering the houses. Clark loved it.

It was probably somewhere near two in the morning. Most people already left, a few were too drunk to move, and others were enjoying what was left of the reunion. Not Clark and Bruce.

Bruce rested back into his elbows, also observing the lights from afar. He looked astounding. His coat was gone, he left it inside somewhere, and had his dress shirt sleeve rolled up to his elbows, which, in Clark’s opinion, shouldn’t be as sexy as it was. Bruce had a distant look on his face, eyes probably miles away from where they where.

“Thinking of Gotham?” Clark asked, half joking because he knew the Bat always had his city in mind.

Bruce turned those deep eyes to him. Clark’s breath hitched.

“Honestly? No.” Bruce admitted with a faint voice. His eyes traveled over Clark’s face until going back to his eyes. He let out a vague laugh. “I was thinking about that pork Ms. Kent promised for lunch tomorrow.”

Clark’s eyes widened at the confession. The cricketing around them seemed to lower to a whirring as even the crickets chosen that moment to end their day.

“You’re going to love it.” Clark said, recomposing himself and smiling softly at his friend.

“There isn’t one thing Martha Kent’s ever done that I don’t love.” Bruce whispered, and Clark’s heart threatened to jump from his chest. He broke their intense glaring, feeling a pang of regret stabbing him on the chest.

The night was ending, and so was their relationship, even if fake. Tonight had been both a blessing and a curse, because for all Clark had enjoyed dating Bruce, it was all an illusion and soon reality would put him back to his place, now with a small taste of what could be.

Bruce seemed to notice his glooming state and schooched closer, so they were both sharing the same warmth. Clark burned.

“I should have invited Barry.” he blurted out without thinking. Bruce stiffened next to him, yet Clark didn’t dare turn his face to look at him.

“Why?” Bruce’s voice had now an anxious edge that wasn’t there before. 

Should he say it? Clark was already in a bad place, maybe confessing his feelings wouldn’t matter now.

“Because this part would hurt much less. Wouldn’t hurt at all.” he whispered into the night.

Bruce fell silent and Clark squeezed his eyes shut. He could almost hear that big brain putting the pieces together. Clark only had a few seconds before Bruce got up and left him for good. Maybe it was a bad idea after all.

Too late to change it now. 

Bruce interlaced his fingers together and held tight even as Clark gasped and snapped his face in Bruce’s direction, alarmed. He didn’t dare say anything about it, he didn’t want to break this moment. He even stopped breathing at some point.

“You know why I said yes to come here with you?” Bruce asked breaking the silence softly. Clark waited for an answer, still clammed. “I got jealous of Barry getting the opportunity I’ve been wanting for months now.”

“Bruce…” but Bruce closed his eyes and shook his head lightly, a few locks of his hair falling over his eyes.

“Just– don’t. Let’s just stay here a little while, ok?”

“Ok.” Clark receded. He contemplated the street for a moment before he leaned closer to Bruce, feeling joy bash over him as Bruce embraced it. Their hands a solid connection between them and their hearts, both beating in insane rhythms, yet it easily became Clark’s favorite song.

Bruce rested his head on Clark’s shoulder, the pressure making his heart beat faster, if that was even possible. Clark hummed approvingly and stretched his arm behind Bruce, supporting their weight and successfully getting closer to Bruce.

His smell was intoxicating this close. It was sweet but with a characteristically twinge of something spicy, and if Clark took a deeper breath, he would be able to sense the steel and the kevlar from his uniform.

Oh. Bruce’s face was so close to his, closer than it has ever been. Clark’s cheek was pressed against his forehead, it was just a matter of turning, only a few degrees, and he could– and he would–

“Bruce,” he whispered sounding almost desperately to his own ears, but he was past the point of embarrassment now, “can I?”

Bruce contemplated the question silently and Clark hoped he didn’t have to specify what he wanted, but not long after, Bruce nodded. If Clark didn’t know better, he would say Bruce was shy.

Slowly, afraid of scaring Bruce, Clark turned his face until they were nose to nose. His throat constricted, excitement flew through his veins as they shared one last look, blue eyes unfazed and determined, looking past Clark’s own eyes, looking inside.

He felt raw, exposed. He never wanted this feeling to end.

Clark’s eyes fell, focusing on the one part of Bruce he’d been trying the most to ignore the entire night. His lips were perfectly drawn, soft, Clark could tell only by looking. He leaned forward, only a few inches, and got surprised when Bruce was the one to close the remaining distance.

Yes, soft, was the first thing in Clark’s mind as their lips came together, dancing to the silence music of their heartbeats. Clark’s chest exploded in tiny shatters of relief and love and passion and lust, all mixing into one big emotion that was Bruce.

His hand instinctively found its way to Bruce’s cheek, cupping gently as his thumb caressed him lovingly. They broke apart, forehead against forehead as they breathed hard, not so much from lack of air, but from the intensity of what they just did.

“Why don’t we go home?” Clark rasped out, voice overwhelmed with emotions. Bruce gave him a tiny, intimate smile.

“I’d love to.”

[cafedanslanuit]

(psych anon again sorry i fell asleep before i could answer) wow, schooling for psychologists in perú sounds a LOT more efficient than the usa, where i live. i wish usa colleges could learn from yours!! also, i was that anon that asked for advice in that first post lol i totally forgot i already asked you!! i asked that when i first started following you 😭❤️ actually a couple days ago i was trying to find that post again so thank you for finding it!!! it’s definitely helped me these past few semesters. also, i never thought about using a fictional character to motivate me to research, that’s SO SO smart. I’m actually working on a research paper rn (the effect of corporal punishment on children) so your helpful advice is coming at the perfect time 😭 ok last thing (sorry for rambling!), if you don’t mind me asking what did you do when you worked at the school? it’s pretty cool that experience impacted you so much :’) thank you so much again!!!

i ended up writing so so much. im gonna put a read more because i got excited lol

omg i’m so honored to know you’ve following be since i started this blog!! 🥺 and i’m happy my advice about relating it to a character helped you <3 and ever be sorry for rambling i love answering questions about psych because even though covid left me without a job (</3) i still love it dearly.

about your research paper, omg that topic is so important because people still insist on using corporal punishment on kids, like it doesn’t actually damage them emotionally. i think they base their ideas in operant conditioning, because it works on animals. but people are so so so much more complex than that! it’s so bad you actually normalize that behaviour and when you become an adult and someone is physically abusive to you it doesn’t feel as bad because it feels like home, even though you don’t consciously think so. your brain just thinks “hey my parents love me, so sometimes they hurt me out of love”, and you end up thinking love is supposed to hurt sometimes. but since it’s so normalized people repeat the same patterns with their own kids :(

well i worked at a school with children from 6 to 16! my job was primarily emotional support. for kids between 6 as 11, it wa mostly calming them down when they were acting up at school and keeping a record in case it was repetitve. i would have to call the parents to talk to them so they could help out so we chould change the kid’s behaviour (like insulting their classmates or getting into fights, that sort of thing). we also planned out fun workshops! for little kids we had self esteem workshops, attention and concentration workshops, etc. for the older kids we had an introduction to sexuality workshop, mostly to teach about body changes and stuff. then, with the other group age, 12-16, it was way more fun because they could ask their teachers to be excused from class if they weren’t feeling wrong, so they freely came to look for me when they needed to talk something out. it was... a lot heavier, because i had to deal with issues such as harassment, kids scared to come out to their parents, and even once a lovely student i had was beaten by her mom. she called the cops but their family was pressing on her to drop the charges, so she was feeling very upset about the whole situation. we also did some workshops for them, about sexuality, self esteem, social skills, study techniques, etc. i also have to keep a record of certain students that had been presenting problems. even i stopped working there on december, once one of them got my number and texted me because he was feeling sad <3 teens are very very observant, and they don’t just trust you from the start, but if you’re honest with them and don’t treat them as kids, they will come to you for anything.

for example, there was another psychologist that was like “kids... if someone bullies you, you have to say ‘hey mate! bullying isn’t cool!’ and i- .... yeah, imagine telling a 15 year old that :| i told them in case they were getting harassed they had to learn to defend themselves. not by hurting them back physically or verbally, but they SHOULD call them out, tell them ‘hey, what’s your problem?’ and if they saw someone else getting harassed, they had to intervene, because watching someone getting bullied and staying silent isn’t good either. i also told them if they were too afraid to say something they could always tell me if they saw anyone getting bullied and i would do something about it without ratting them out <3 on my last day i got so so so many hugs from them, i miss them a lot :’)

whoa i ended up rambling myself sdjhfddfk <3 i hope this helps!!!

[dvrkhclme-blog]

✕ — wasn’t that raven darkholme wandering the streets of new york, 1973? civilians know them as mystique and see them as a villain. as far as i know, the one hundred and fifty+ year old stands with the x-men (sometimes), and are rumoured to be pretty deceptive & misanthropic. ( julianne moore / gender-fluid / typically she/her ) 

{ trigger warnings : mental illness, suicide, sexual abuse, drugs, terrorism, murder  }

hey everyone, i’m sophia!! i’m trash and neglected the intros for all my babies soooo i’m finally getting to them now!! anyways, i’m super excited to be here at 1973hq & i hope we can all be good friends!! <3 sooo. more about my first baby aka my murder!baby under the cut  

LEVEL 1: INTRODUCTORY INFORMATION ABOUT MY MYSTIQUE //

im not even gonna touch the mceu version of mystique ok thx therefore shes gonna be combination of comics mystique and a bunch of my own headcanons — soooo

LEVEL 2: SURFACE LEVEL MYSTIQUE — THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE UGLY // 

( skip this part if youre familiar with the mcu its basically a shortened version of her bio )

the binch is oLD ok??/ old af. probably several centuries old. i’d say 200 years old at minimum but its never really been disclosed

don’t even get me started on wtf i think happened to her to fight just to survive at age 12 when her mutation kicked in bcus,,, yike

her entire life has been characterized by betrayals. whether it be mystique betraying someone else (most likely) or her being betrayed by someone else (in the case of destiny)

her n destiny met in the early 20th century. destiny asked her to help decode her prophecies and to stop the terrifying ones from being fulfilled. they fell in Luv. they are partners. gay ass partners. (the original idea for mystique n destiny was for nightcrawler to be their canon kid. via mystique in a males body. but this was retconned bcus of homophobia thx but i’d personally love this hc if we get a kurt & it’s ok w/ them anyway )

anyway after ww2 she met sabertooth n had her first (canonically recorded) kid, graydon. who. lo n behold, she abandoned.

that’ll be a trend, fyi, better watch out for that

but graydon turned out to be a mutant hating human so thats fun

then mystique from our time went back in time in attempt to assassinate graydon (which doesnt, in the end, work),,,, also fun

then she gets married to a wealthy german count,,, uses her power to start seducing other people, when she meets azael who  manipulates and seduces her. has nightcrawler via azael ,, its cool

raven murdered her husband and was then regarded by her townsfolk n as a demon. she escaped but abandoned kurt,,, also cool

she adopts raven then. and actually genuinely loves her. (more on this in the next section)

she founds the 3rd version of the brotherhood n they do more terrorist shit good job mystique #magnetowasright

sike mystique betrayed  magneto and turned him into the government, turned the brotherhood into the freedom force, n started working for the gov. working for freedom force is when destiny died and that triggered one of mystiques many breakdowns (also more on this below)

she was v depressed at this time and taken advantage of by the shadow king. raven let herself be brainwashed by the government into thinking she was her own government handler to take down the shadow king. didnt work. he torments her the rest of her life. yike.  

she had nanotech put into her head so the government could force her to work for x-factor, while with them she finds out destiny during their partnership had other partners and kids she didnt know about and one was a mutant

graydon has this mutant savagely beaten. before mystique can kill graydon for this, hs followers kill him n turn him into a martyr. super fun. cue operation zero tolerance.

mystique went undercover as the senators wife for a while n used her connections to the fbi to do shadier shit

she then ran away and took some random chicks form and became a model and made a ton of cash — u go girl

except this kinda sucked for her because she moved into a penthouse suite which in the neighbouring building had skulls plotting to take down mankind. they framed her for a murder, her powers stopped working, n she was arrested

the government eased all her alternate identities and froze all her assets and access to the money she and destiny saved up for decades. cue another mental breakdown

then she finds out destiny was responsible for founding the anti-mutant conspiracy mystique spent her whole life trying to stop, and that destiny also didnt give medical attention to mutant kids who were deformed from their mutations

long story short she has an even worse breakdown n goes completely nihilistic, realizing she cant change the world for the better, she remakes the brotherhood and impersonates moira mctaggert to get her research on the legacy virus  

a bunch more shit happens with raven ending up in the care of homeland security. xavier makes a deal with her and breaks her out. everyont thought she tried to kill xavier,,, when she didnt actually,,, because xaviers a shady fuck,,, but oh well. rogue disowns her for it. leads to another mental breakdown.

because of this she decides fuq u xavier and creates a mutant kid identity for herself known as foxx and joins the xmen to stop rogue and remy’s relationship

she helped the x-men during this time n also helped save rogue’s life via the messiah baby. but once again her intentions are misconstrued

she snaps again and impersonates bobby drake’s girlfriend & gets the poor boy hospitalized

norman osborn then recruited her to the dark x-men, injected her with nanites, then helped logans soul to hell, but then changed her mind and helped get him back. when he got back tho he uh. well. killed her. her and sabretooth were both resurrected by the hand (more on this later)

mystique then rejoined the brotherhood, impersonated alison, and took her place as mutant liaison for shield, harvesting her DNA to make MGH (mutant growth hormone)

LEVEL 2.5: MYSTIQUE’S PLACE IN THIS VERSE

i imagine she went back in time to 1973 under the guise of helping people & being “reformed” but in reality she was also doing shady mystique shit on the side and probably trying to tie up some loose ends, whether it be with graydon, the shadow king, destiny, or someone else. or probably a combination

anyways now shes staying w/ the x-men part time and playing Good Girl for now. she wants to show everyone that shes reformed n better n just wants to do things for the betterment of mutant kind. wants 2 get their trust too

shes pretty. level headed right now i’d say. betsy braddock helped her during one of her mental breakdowns by telepathically realigning her fragmented psyche — she’s still mystique n still awful but not as chaotic anymore. and less prone to attack rogue or other people aimlessly. it’s much more goal oriented now.

LEVEL 3: MYSTIQUES PSYCHE //

ok so she identifies as gender fluid bcus she shape shifts forms but also because i imagine shes so sick of having sexualized herself all these decades to get what she wants that shes just fed up with gender norms and thinks theyre bullshit. she’s fine to go by she/her pronouns but she doesnt really identify as a specific gender in my head

she drinks but mostly absinthe and only w/ people she trusts. along those lines it’s similar for drugs but she loves a good high and a good hallucination

she has bouts of psychosis that her wiki defines as schizophrenia. it manifests in much more anger and aggression. hallucinations. delusions — especially presecutory and grandiose delusions — lack of pleasure (hence the nihilism), social withdrawal, and poverty of speech. her sense of identity becomes so fractured that she cant keep herself consistently in one body without it taking all of her concentration — and sometimes that isn’t even enough. she gets lots of mood and cognitive changes during these episodes — and completely loses her sense of self

despite her grandiose ego she’s actually very self conscious and refuses to look in a mirror. actually she’s scared of her appearance. she cant look at herself normally in fear of seeing a monster look back

this is also the reason she was so easily deceived by azael. he looked like a monster, too, and embraced her for how she is. he didnt make her change to fit another appearance that couldve been “more beautiful”

lastly, her motives for doing things??? are always for the betterment of mutantkind. over time this got very skewed and her belief became that the only way for mutants to actually live is for all humans to die. shes a terrorist through and through, but she loves mutants. she just has a personal vendetta against the x-men that’s grown over the years — her constantly being betrayed by people during her episodes of psychosis and the x-men never actually believing the real story (but also like. why would they??? shes often so awful too)

shes attempted suicide canonically in the past. she loses control of herself. it’s also heavily implied she’s been assaulted in the past. anyways shes a sad baby too

— so thats about it for my murder baby! yike this got a lot longer than i expected it to but anyways i cant wait to write her with all of you!! <3

[icarus-showmethemoon]

im bacc nmbcb cxb, for the ''weird asks that say a lot'': 2,5,7,8,14,16,18,19,21,23,30,31,32,36,38,40,42,43,44,45,52,56,62,67,69, 72,84,90,98. i lov these oneS And i guess you noticed

jesus fuck i was almost done and it went back adsghjkfas ok gonna speed run it

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

ch o c o la te

5.do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

Straight from the can or from a wine glass. Bottles have the weird suction that makes you stop drinking (but on several occasions people have thought i was drinking alcohol even though i was blatantly holding a bottle of coke bc of how i drink it so thats a plus), and unless its a fancy cup its not worth transferring bc it loses the fizzy

7.earbuds or headphones?

headphones!! way comfier and less sound-leakage

8.movies or tv shows?

tv shows!! movies dont give you long enough to grow attached to the characters

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

blue raspberry suckers

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

on the floor, cross-legged. In a chair, with one leg pulled up and folded under the other. I can’t sit either for very long because it kills my knees but its more comfy than any other position oof

18.ideal weather?

snow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

19. sleeping position?

half between side and stomach, top leg bent, the other straight, one arm under pillow and supporting head, the other with the hand loosely covering my mouth and nose

21.obsession from childhood?

I was weirdly obsessed with cats. Like, I read everything I could get my hands on about them. I hated non-fiction books, but if it was about cats suddenly i didnt mind it

that obsession never actually stopped oof

23. strange habits?

I stick my tongue when im concentrating, as i mentioned earlier

ok but another, i guess, is that i always have to have my mouth and tongue occupied, be it by talking to myself, singing, or chewing on some random thing (mostly the wire from my headphones oops) and if i dont have something to do with my mouth i get really anxious and restless and also my brain completely stops lol

30.places that you find sacred?

......no where, im pretty sure. No specific places have much value to me.

31.what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

Masc: Leather jacket, combat boots, button up black shirt, camo skinny jeans

Fem: Leather jacket, black dress with a really short skirt and neckline and chest lapels like a black parade jacket, the highest heels i own, dangly jewelry, lots of rings.

32. top five favorite vines?

the one with the piano “SAIL”

uhhh road work ahead? yeah i sure hope it does

What the FUCK is up kyle

yee

CHRIS is that a WEED??

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

fuck, i dont know. probably a grumpy cat one bc my dad showed it to me. or fuckin..... i dunno man i have no concept of time

38. lemonade or tea?

Lemonade, but i do really like tea

40.weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

i havent been to a public school since 4th grade but like

people deadass were 100% convinced i was a vampire or some kind of supernatural being all throughout elementary school lmaooo??? 

another weird thing is that i was the most popular kid in school which like..... hilarious joke lol

42.jacket pockets or pants pockets?

fuckinn jacket pockets!!!!!!!! not as ugly and bulky and they dont weigh your pants down and theyre at a way better height for my arms to comfortably reach in and make sure my stuff is still there!!!

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

leather jacket babeyy

i have three (3) leather jackets they are bomb

44.favorite scent for soap?

natural scents: the ocean

perfumes: white musk (specifically body fantasies brand)

soaps: im allergic to most hand soaps other than lemon, but body soaps i like anything with lavender or jasmine

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

fantasy, hands down.

52. favorite font?

you know the typewriter one that hipsters get tattoos done in? that one

56. favorite tradition?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dont like traditions except in my witchcraft tbh and those are classed more as rituals than traditions

62. seven characters you relate to?

i dont...........................know..............

Virgil sanders?? thats the only one.

67.good luck charms?

i dont believe in luck lol oof

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

uhhhhhhh

the female black widow spider doesnt actually kill the man after sex all the time. If she’s well fed before, he lives.

[actualbird]

BIRD BIRD BIRD I JUST THOUGHT OF AN AU IDEA ok ok mind reader michael. jeremy is in class one day, thinkin dirty thoughts as per the usual, and he suddenly gets paranoid like we all do when we do that shit and he thinks "if anyone in here is a mind reader, cough if you can hear me." and he. he hears a cough. and jeremy freezes and turns around to face michael mell, this kid he's had a crush on for a while but never talked to, and he thinks "cough if you can hear me," again. (cont)

EDIT: anon is @transtarks!!!! this au baby was created first and foremost in his wonderful brain

oh my GOD!!! wow so im very in love with mind reader!michael. before tackling that hilarious scenario, theres like. so much to explore here

MICHAEL who can READ MINDS. in ur sitch, you imply that he cant talk back into minds, which is just so lonely, i think. he’ll learn pretty early that what he’s got isn’t Normal after many instances of him answering questions that werent asked or him knowing things he shouldnt. his mom needs to sit him down and tell him that they’re a little different. not bad. just different. but that other people dont like this and you have to be quiet about it.

which michael find endlessly unfair. he has to be the quiet one when he has to deal with the constant chatter of minds all around him that never stops? it sucks, but he’s read enough xmen to understand why.

but it is NOISY. his headphones are godsend and music does a lot to help, but those can only go so far in drowning out the noise.

some thoughts are quiet and michael needs to strain to hear the words past the soft murmurs. things like his mom making a grocery list in her head or some kid he passed by on the sidewalk counting red cars as they drove by. mundane things are quiet, but the more emotional they get, the louder they become. happy thoughts are loud thoughts, but so are angry ones and terrified ones.

and it doesnt just equate to sound. to a certain degree, michael can feel thoughts, if they are strong enough. which is pretty much hell on michael’s senses. happy thoughts feel nice, but too much is overwhelming. dont even get him started on negative thoughts. those feel like bile and nails against a chalkboard.

against all odds, michael gets used to it. he finds his own ways to cope with the side effects of being plugged in to everybody else’s mind, but the one thing he couldnt deal with was the loneliness.

constantly, he feels like he’s intruding. while mind reading comes with so many cons, michael sees himself at an unfair advantage concerning everybody else. after all, he knows things about people before they say it. sometimes he knows things about people that they maybe didnt want anybody to know. it’s hard to make friends in that kind of situation.

and it’s really hard not being able to tell anybody at all.

ENTER JEREMY “SEX THOUGHTS IN CLASS” HEERE

oh boy okay so. michael probably knows jeremy. not knows-him-as-a-friend, but he’s heard his mind before. jeremy’s head is…a bit of a mess.

(see, michael has come across a lot of minds in his life. some minds are more organized than others. some are bustling with energy while others a bit more subdued. some are bright and others are so dark michael has to stop himself from crying in public. often, he wonders what his mind looks like, but he cant really trust his mom when she only says nice things because she’s his mom. )

anyway, jeremy’s mind is like being inside a washing machine. things tumbling everywhere. jeremy’s head does not shut up. ever. the kid is always thinking about stuff like “oh, im walking pretty weird, i gotta fix that” or “she’s looking at me. what did i do? is there something on my face? is it my face?” or, and this one pops up a lot it makes michael’s heart hurt, “i wish i wasnt like this”

(so many times, michael almost speaks to jeremy out of nowhere to just. compliment the guy. he’s really not as bad as he thinks himself out to be. jeremy’s head might be self destructing 24/7, but he’s a good person. and he’s cute too WHATEVER. but michael is pretty sure that if he tells jeremy that his hair is nice, jeremy will spiral into paranoia where he’ll think michael is fucking with him. so michael doesnt say anything. he just silently hopes that maybe jeremy gets a day or two where his mind can stop beating himself up over every tiny thing)

michael gets to know jeremy’s anxiety before he gets to know jeremy, and thats mostly because in addition to never shutting up, jeremy’s brain is also very loud. maybe it has something to do with how jeremy is always on edge, but michael doesnt know. what he does know is that jeremy heere, professional anxious teenager, decides to spend this math class just thinking about sex. LOUDLY.

it starts with a stray thought about the porn jeremy watched last night then it spirals into various random fantasies and michael wants to jump out the window. not because any of it is weird!!! but just because this is WAY TOO PERSONAL. michael tries his best to concentrate on parabolas, but jeremy throws up an image of GAHHH!! he tries to concentrate on trisha in the front row who’s got a bad case of song-stuck-in-head, which is the next best thing to real music but then jeremy goddamn heere derails him with LOUD MOANING. (which might??? be his????)

record scratch. jeremy’s head goes eerily quiet. then, very deliberately, he thinks “ if anyone in here is a mind reader, cough if you can hear me.”

it’s RIDICULOUS but it’s also the first time he’s ever been addressed in this way. it’s kind of incredible, and all the “dont tell anybody” momentarily disappears in the face of jeremy “sex thoughts” heere talking to him using his head.

so he coughs. and jeremy turns his head. they make eye contact and michael very deliberately starts coughing.

jeremy’s head is quiet for a tense few seconds

then jeremy thinks, “well fuck”

and thus starts the very awkward beginning of michael and jeremy’s friendship. the possibilities for this are endless but this answer is already too long khfkjdfh

[fionnmeetsharry]

Artist & Actor: Love isn’t for everyone

This is Chapter two of the artist actor series, i am working on all of your requests. This was requested by a couple of people so i went ahead and posted it. Enjoy!

He was truly brilliant, the way he would deliver his lines, how he would look so scared that you actually wanted to go out there and save him from this pretend fear that’s been created. He was going to be something big, you could tell, and so could the rest of the cast and crew.

“Y/N…Y/N”.

You turned around to come face to face with Candice, great what did she want?

“I’m gonna need you to cover your three and a good bit of the extras today, Emily’s out with a cold”.

“Who said, and why can’t you do it?”

Candice had hated you from day one, mostly because this was her fifth movie and your first, but Nathan and Chris saw something special in your work, making you the key makeup artist.

“Listen here little girl, I’ve been doing this a lot longer than you, which means I don’t have to answer to you. You may have Nolan and Nathan wrapped around your little finger, but if they so much as hear that a sneeze or cough came from you, you’re done. Wouldn’t want the main cast getting sick now would we”.

“Is that a threat?” You said voice full of venom.

“Let’s just call it a not so friendly warning”. And with that she was gone.

“C’mon mate just talk to her”. 

This was the third time Harry had asked Fionn to talk to you, and the third time Fionn was having to say no.

“Look Harry, I already tried that, and if you don’t remember it didn’t go so well for me, she probably thinks I’m a freak”.

“You’re seeing the situation as way worse than it actually was, I mean im not gonna lie to you, you weren’t the smoothest. Look just talk to her a few more times, get comfortable”. 

Fionn wasn’t having it, he just didn’t want to embarrass himself, he liked you too much to have you think of him negatively.

“I don’t know…”Fionn could see the hope in Harry’s eyes, why did he care so much anyway?

“She’s right over there touching up Toms makeup, I’m going to go over and see if she wants to join us for dinner tonight, you don’t have to say anything, but just don’t look like your in pain ok”.

Fionn rolled his eyes at Harry’s last comment as they headed towards you. You were touching up a whiny, impatient Toms makeup, full concentration on your face, creating the cutest little line in between your furrowed brows.

“Hello love, can we talk?” You examined Toms face one last time before looking at Harry. “Yea sure, Tom you’re done you can go”. Tom fled from you and your makeup that he hated ever so much, getting a smile out of Fionn. “So love, I was wondering if you would like to grab dinner with me and the lads tonight, it would be just the cast and crew hanging out, and of course Fionn will be there”. He said the last part in a sing song voice as he pointed to Fionn who was standing behind him.

“Harry…” You said with a warning tone, hoping that he wouldn’t let on to Fionn about your infatuation with him, hopefully he hasn’t already told him. You had already told the boy that he had a soothing voice and that his skin was pretty, so if he didn’t know by now surely he wouldn’t catch on to Harry’s hints.

“Fionn we need you on set”.

Fionn locked eyes with you, quickly looking away.

“Well I’ll umm…see you at dinner then. You are uhh…coming aren’t you?” He said as he scratched the back of his head trying his best to look you in the eyes.

“If I bet on it, she’ll be coming twice tonight”. Harry said as he winked at the two of you, hands buried deep in his pockets with a cheeky smirk on his face. You could feel the red quickly take over your cheeks, and you could see it on Fionns.

“Okay…well I better go”. Fionn quickly walked away, almost as fast as Tom, heading to set trying to escape the awkward situation that Harry created.

You slapped Harry’s arm with good force. “What the hell Harry, why would you say that?”

Harry faked as if he was hurt while he rubbed his arm where you hit it, a pout on his lips.

“What’d yeh do that for?”

“What did you make a crude remark for?” Harry looked as if he had no idea what you were talking about.

“I’m not sure I know what you mean love”.

All it took was one raised eyebrow from you to get him to suddenly remember.

“Ok I’m sorry, but look come to dinner tonight and wear something Fionn would like. Maybe something a little short, I think he’s a leg guy. But you know not something shorter than you’re comfortable with, should be yourself love”.

That was such a Harry thing to say, always making sure you know you only have to do what you’re comfortable with. That’s why you’re such good friends, he never pressures you into anything you didn’t want to do.

“Fine, I’ll come to dinner, and I’ll wear something short”.

“Y/N we need you for a touch up”. One of the crew members yelled.

“That’s my girl, but not shorter than you’re comfortable with”. Harry yelled at you as you ran on set to touch up Kenneth’s face. “What was all of that about?” Harry turned around to face Candice. He wished he hadn’t spent the energy turning around just for her, especially when he needed it for swimming.

“I’m not sure what your talking about, and you do know it’s rude to eavesdrop on other people’s conversations?”

“Oh please, like anything she says is worth eavesdropping on, but the one and only Harry Styles on the other hand-” Harry always tried to be nice to everyone, but Candice made it difficult, that’s why he usually avoids her. “ and the new kid…Fee-on is it?”

“It’s pronounced Finn” Harry said dryly getting bored by the lack of interesting conversation.

“Fionn, he seems like he’s going to be something big, like you. I bet you’re big in other ways too”.

Harry turned to face her fully, a disgusted look on his face as he tried to push the nausea down from her shameless flirting.

“So what, does she like this Fionn guy? Cause I think he’s kinda cute, and I always get what I want, that is unless you’re available”.

“Yea…no I gotta go”.

You were starting to pack up all the makeup from the day, leaving out only the makeup remover so you could quickly clean the boys faces as they trailed in.

“Hey Y/N, can you get this stuff off of my face now?”

You chuckled, Tom was a very patient person, sweet too, just didn’t like makeup. Toms face was about as close to perfect as you could get, insanely chiseled with no blemishes, if it wasn’t for him being seasick you probably wouldn’t have done anything to him at all.

“Yea, sure have a seat”.

Tom sat in your chair as you dabbed some pre-cleanse on a cotton ball, wiping all the makeup from his face. Several cotton balls later and you were done, Tom smiling and feeling his makeup free face.

“Thanks love”. Tom said as he kissed the top of your head quickly before rushing out of the trailer.

“Now don’t let Fionn see that, he may get jealous…on second thought maybe he should, then maybe he’d ask you out”.

Harry strolled into the trailer, shirt already removed and now seated in your chair. Before you knew it he had already grabbed a cotton ball and was spraying water on it in an attempt to unveil his hidden tattoos.

“Ok stop. What are you doing?”Harry continued without success wiping at his chest where his sparrow was hiding underneath.

“I already told you pet, I’m gonna get the two-”

“No no no Harry, I mean with that cotton ball that you put water on, that’s not going to do anything, look put that down”.

You grabbed fresh cotton balls and put the pre-cleanse on them, gently rubbing at Harry’s dirty, sweaty skin. “I also mean no as in I told you I’m not getting involved with anyone from set, I want to stay professional”.

Harry grabbed your wrist gently, making you stop your efforts at getting the thick cover up off of him. He looked you in the eyes, seriousness taking over his face.

“Y/N, I love you, you know that, even though we haven’t known each other for very long I do. I care about you too much to see you work your life away, you’re too young, you need to live and find love. Don’t ask me how I know cause I can’t explain it, but I know you and Fionn and meant to be together”.

You sighed, you hated it when Harry was this sweet. You and Harry’s relationship was full of sarcasm and banter, so when he was this caring you got shy.

“I love you too H. Ok whatever you want, you can help, I’ll let you”. Harry’s face lit up, two big dimples popping out from his cheeks.

“Thank you love, now get back to work, I want to see my tattoos”. Harry left a while ago, you had stayed behind to remove Fionns makeup for him, you had even removed a few extras, but Fionn still hadn’t shown up. Did Harry really make him that uncomfortable earlier? Just as you were about to grab your bag and leave you heard someone stumble into the trailer. “Sorry I’m late, Chris wanted to talk to me…hope I didn’t keep you”. He looked tired, worn out, like all he wanted was a nice hot shower, a warm meal, and a soft bed to snuggle up in.

“No, no not at all. I’ve been doing stuff so I was here anyway. Have a seat”.

Fionn pulled off his jacket, then removed the shirt that hung perfectly from his shoulders. You hadn’t meant to stare, but you couldn’t help it. He had the softest looking porcelain skin, and he was fit. When you first saw the boy he just seemed very lanky, which now you know isn’t true at all. Now all you could do was imagine the hot water of the shower hitting the tight muscles of his perfectly toned back, rolling down the pale skin releasing the tension from the rest of his muscled body. “Umm, are you ok?” Great, you were day dreaming and now you looked like a freak. He probably knew you you were thinking about him, but it’s his fault for taking his stupid shirt off. “Yea I’m fine, just tired I suppose”.

You grabbed the cotton ball and started to clean the boys face. You noticed that now he seemed more comfortable around you, he was actually looking you right in the eyes as you removed the makeup and sweat from his face.

“So how was your first day on set?” He smiled at you, happy to be having a conversation with someone other than Harry.

“It was good, I loved it, every bit of it. You know, I think I could just do this for the rest of my life and never get tired of it”.

You smiled at how he lit up when he talked about his job.

“It’s nice to know that it makes you happy, that you’re not just in it for the money or the fame”. “No, I’m most definitely not in it for those things. I mean don’t get me wrong fans are amazing people, and it’s nice to be able to buy things that you need without worry, but for me it’s more than that”.

You were now just sitting and staring into his beautiful eyes as you listened to him talk about what he loves. You think to yourself that this is what you love, you’re not sure why, but you love to hear him talk about his day, his job, what he likes to do.

“Oh yea, like what?”

Fionn bit his bottom lip, trying to keep from smiling as he pondered on it. “Like how I can be so many different people, my job is never the same. I can go and play things that don’t even exist if I want too. I can go and play someone from the past that I deeply admire, or be in a movie that has a meaning behind it. I could maybe even make a difference”.

You kneeled down so you were now eye level with him, a small smile on your lips.

“You know what Fionn Whitehead, I’m about 1000% sure you were meant for this, and you are going to go very far in this industry, just don’t let it change you”.

Fionns lips were slightly parted, he was listening to every word you said, but he couldn’t help but to stare at your lips.

“I won't”. He said softly as his eyes traveled back up to yours.

“Good. Well you’re all done”. Fionn got up from your chair taking as much time as possible so he could come up with something to bring up dinner, something so you knew he wanted you there.

“Y/N?”

“Yea?” He was now playing with his fingers as he looked down at the ground, nervous. He didn’t want to seem too eager and scare you off.

“Umm, you’re still coming to dinner right”. You had a looked unsure, like you may say no. It’s not that you didn’t want to go, you were just more tired than you thought you’d be.

“Cause I … I really want you to join us. I think it’d be fun, I could introduce you to all the guys…maybe buy you a drink”.

It was cute how shy he was being. You had a huge smile that was impossible for you to try and hide, and you suddenly didn’t feel as tired anymore.

“Yea, ok yea I’ll go, that sounds great!” Fionn looked up with surprise on his face, now beaming with happiness.

“You will?”

“Yea, as long as you hang out with me so I’m not alone, or forced to listen to Harry the whole time”.

“Deal. I’ll see you there”.

“Great”.

You walked through the hotel quickly jumping into the elevator and pushing the number to take you to your floor. As soon as the elevator comes to a stop, you hop out and head to your room, unlocking your door and entering in a panic. What were you going to wear? What were you going to do to your hair and makeup?

You started shuffling through all of the clothes that you brought, trying to take in consideration of what Harry said. You pull out a green sweater dress, fishnet stockings, and maroon velvet thigh high boots.

“There, that should give me more coverage”.

You jumped in the shower, trying to wash away the sand that had blown in your hair while on the beach today. You lathered your best smelling body wash into your skin and rinsed.

“Now for makeup”. Sitting at the vanity in your room, you begin to do your eye makeup to perfection so your eye color pops, then applying the rest of your face before picking a lip color. You held up the many shades of maroon that you had to your boots, trying to match them as best as possible. You didn’t want to look like you were trying too hard, so you braided your hair back. It was still a cute look, just two messy braids with some of your fringe down to frame your face. “Ok I think I’m good, I’ve got this”.

You quickly spray yourself with perfume before grabbing your bag and heading downstairs to the uber that was waiting for you. The others were already at the place, Harry had texted you to let you know, but he said that it was good that you were going to be one of the last to arrive so it doesn’t seem like you’re too desperate.

The car pulled up the the pub that everyone was eating at, you got out of the car and closed the door behind you, praying that everyone else wasn’t just in t shirts and jeans. You opened the door walking into the entry way, stopping to take a deep breath before you enter where everyone else is. What if this is a bad idea? What if Fionn just wants to be friends and all of this is for nothing? You can’t listen to the voice in your head, you have to go in there to find out, besides worst case scenario Harry is the only one that speaks to you.

As you walk into the pub Harry quickly spots you, his mouth falling open as he gets up to meet you at the door. He pulls the both of you into the entry way, looking back to make sure no one followed him.

“You look… I mean… are you trying to give the man a bloody heart attack?”

You look down examining the outfit you had put together last minute.

“Is it that bad?” Harry’s shaking his head while biting his lip, making sure to examine you one more time.

“No, s’fucking good, you look incredible. But are you trying to attract Fionn or me? I mean you know what a good boot does to me, a Gucci bag-” he said pointing to the handbag that you had worked your butt off for for years. “and -” he said smelling your neck, “ is that YSL perfume?”

“Yes Harry it is, and I can’t help that we’re so much alike”. Harry gave you an apologetic smile.

“Ok, I’m sorry love, I’ve had a drink or two…so has Fionn by the way. He said he was nervous, that things had gone well tonight when he saw you”.

You couldn’t help but to smile when reminiscing on the moment. “It did. I think I can do this Harry, with your help that is”.

“Of course love, let’s head to the table”. You were nervous, you hid behind Harry the whole way to the table, just the thought of meeting so many people at once and finally sitting down and talking to Fionn without it being work was terrifying. “Lads, this is Y/N, Y/N this is Tom who you already know, Barry, Jack and Aneurin”.

“Hey”. You said and you smiled shyly and waved.

“Here, I saved you a seat next to Fionn, he ran to the toilet real quick”. You took the seat that Harry had saved you, next to Fionn and Tom, right across from Harry and Barry.

“Y/N, you came”. Fionn was now back at the table, looking relieved that he hadn’t been stood up, but it wasn’t a date and he didn’t invite you, Harry did, so could he have really even truly been stood up?

“Yea, told you I would didn’t I?” Fionn took his seat next to you, he looked even cuter than he did on set, and he smelled amazing. He must have showered, now the images of his tense muscles coming back to your mind. Snap out of it Y/N. His hair was fluffy, he was wearing glasses, and he had a silver hoop earring. God, could he get any hotter?

You heard someone saying your name, interrupting your thoughts, thank goodness.

“Ohhh, Y/N, as in Fionns Y/N. Well I can see why he’s so smitten”. Fionns face grew red for the third time today, as he picked up a fry and threw it at the one you believed to be Barry.

“Shut up Barry”. Fionn leaned into you, whispering in your ear not knowing the affect he has on you.

“Ignore them, they’ve been drinking, they don’t know what they’re saying”. You smiled at him, sure that your face wasn’t just red from the blush that you had applied earlier.

“You clean up nice Mr. Whitehead”.

“Oh yea, well thank you, so do you. Not that you didn’t look nice on set…I just mean… I like your outfit”. “I knew what you meant, it’s ok”. Fionn took a big sip of his beer, a drop slipping out of his lips and down his chin.

“What do you want to drink? I did promise you a drink.”  

“Surprise me”.

Fionn stood up taking his bottle with him. “I like a girl of mystery”.

Harry winked at you from across the table, a sign that he thought things were going very well. Fionn came back to the table with another beer and a glass of wine for you.

“Thank you”. Fionn took another big sip of his drink.

“So I totally didn’t even ask you how your day was earlier, sort of an asshole thing to do since you asked me huh?”

The rest of the boys were in their own little world just chatting away, it was like you and Fionn were alone.

“No, no not at all. It was good, I’m very thankful for my first project being such a big one, and getting the best cast members to work on”. “Well I do have to say that we got the best artist to work on us”. It had been at least a hour by now, you and Fionn hadn’t stopped talking. The talking slowly turned to flirting and the drinks were a huge help.

“If it’s not too bold of me Y/N, you look incredible tonight”. Fionn had rested his hand in your thigh a while ago, rubbing soft circles with his thumb on the inner flesh.

“Well of it’s not too bold if me Fionn, I didn’t think that you could get any hotter, but when I saw you tonight, you proved me wrong”.

The rest of the boys were off playing pool with some of the older cast and crew, probably trying to give the two of you some privacy. Fionn had the goofiest grin on his face, an affect of the alcohol most likely, there’s no way you had this affect on him.

“You think I’m hot?”

“Most definitely”. Fionns hand left your thigh and travelled up to your lips, his eyes locked on them as he traces them with his thumb.

“You’re absolutely edible, you have the most perfect lips”. He said as he tugged at the bottom one, watching it pop back up into place. Feeling a little more daring from your liquid courage you say,

“Why don’t you taste then”.

Fionn slowly inched his face closer to yours, his thumb holding your chin in place. His soft, warm lips capturing yours, you can taste the bitter flavor of the beer on his tongue as he slides it in your mouth. Your hand is now tugging at the hair at the bottom of his neck as he grips your thigh. Fionn rests his forehead on yours, breaking the kiss.

“I don’t think you’re easy, I mean I don’t want you to think that’s what I think. It’s just…I don’t know, I have a feeling deep down in me that we’re meant to be together. I just felt this instant connection to you”.

You kiss him one more time to reassure him that you feel the same way.

“I do too”.

“Hey, Y/N, Fionn, why don’t you two come join us?” Harry yelled from the pool table that him and the rest of the guys were just gathered around.

“Do you want to go join them?”

“Yea, I’m just going to run to the restroom and I’ll be right there”. You walked into the bathroom, Candice was stood in front on the mirror applying her lipstick.

“You know, he doesn’t really like you, and Harry’s not really your friend”.

“As if I would listen to anything you tell me, I don’t know what you’re on about anyway”.

She closed the lipstick tube and turned to face you. “Fionn. It’s all a bet I over heard them talking about it…Oh come on, you know how much I like to eavesdrop. Harry and Fionn are in a bet to see which one of them can bed you first. Harry’s the nice best friend who will end up telling you that he wants to be more than friends, and Fionns the sweet boy next door. The rest of the lads are betting wages”.

“Oh my God you are so high school. Are you that bitter about my being the key artist that you’re willing to make up lies?”  

“Believe what you want darling, but Harry’s taking me back to his tonight, and Fionn actually likes Sydney. Why would you think he would like you anyway, I mean you’re no body, at least when Sydney’s not doing makeup she’s modeling”.

Candice walked out of the restroom, leaving you to yourself. You were washing your hands, going over the conversation in your head. She’s psychotic Fionn and Harry wouldn’t do that to you. Suddenly you remember what Harry said earlier that day ‘im betting she’ll be coming twice tonight’

Walking out of the bathroom you see Fionn stood next to the pool table, Sydney draped all over him with her tongue down his throat. You felt uneasy, as if the room was spinning and this was all a bad dream. How could he? How could Harry?

Quickly running out of the pub you call for an uber to meet you a block away. As soon as you get to your hotel you change into more comfortable clothes and light a candle, taking it to the balcony with a bottle of wine. You knew you shouldn’t have gotten involved at work, and you sure as hell wouldn’t let that happen again, tomorrow you were asking for new cast members. You sipped the wine and looked over the city as your heart ached and tears stained your face. Maybe love wasn’t meant for you.

[caratau]

Dad! Seungcheol.

y’all ever watched Cheaper By The Dozen?

S. Coups is basically the Dad.

raising 12 kids irl but i’d see him with a good 4 or 6

dominantly boys 

speaking of babies i read on a wattpad comment a million years ago that if theres a dominant amount of sons then that means the dad’s got a big willy and if there’s more girls then its small.

just a fact but idk if its bs so don't rely on me oK I WAS 13 MY INNOCENT (LMAO BIH WHERE) WAS TAINTED AND IDK IF ITS REAL BUT YEAH BACK TO PAPA COUPS.

but yeah like mostly boys for kids and then

hear this

his youngest is a little girl

this bewildered dad man and his three boys watch this little angel in amusement ok it was unexpected asf seen as papa coups and momma coups decided to keep the gender a surprise like hOW I HAVE THE PATIENCE OF A CHIPMUNK I GOTTA KNOW WHAT MY CHILD IS

im also not one who differentiates between genders :)

and that is how papa coups rolls too

hold up before we go onto the life lets go a trip down memory lane from the first boy

momma coups is a worry wart

like

she's calm and shit but like??? a baby??? she trusts papa coups but like, he’s only ever been a father to 12 teenagers and young adults???

how dis gonna work out??

and so the journey begins

not really lmao coups had to buy a personalised ‘Daddy Coups’ barbecue apron to make it official.

woozi did not approve

nor did momma coups

that apron became a scarring nightmare in those kids lives as teenagers for friendly barbecues imma tell ya that now

# prayforthechoi’s

but yeah back to the pregnancy i derail hella fast

will also buy a t-shirt with ‘daddy coups’ lmao momma coUPS HAS HAD IT

she burns it in a fit of raging hormones

poor ol’ cheol doesnt let the underlying dislike of these raging hormones show

woozi is high fiving momma coups in the bg.

do they have regrets?

being connected to cheol yeah they do

jk jk  they both love him

but yeAH 

he’ll be a wreck at the ultrasounds

not really a wreck

like

he’ll be all nervous and I'm picturing it now; momma coups’ hand is clutched between his and he keeps the back of it near his lips and he’ll kiss it every few seconds and ik it’s weird but like its a type of reassurance to him aND momma coups as if to say that everything ok bc they just have a fear of losing it and I'm going really sensitive I'm sorry

cheol’s eyes water y’all I'm crying inside

he sees a blob, with help from the nurse, and he just breaks down bc he made that blob y’all.

he made it

and throughout that whole break down, he realises its all real and fuCK he’s gonna be raising a child from biRTH, not from teenage years like he did with svt.

and he's just so happy from there on

honestly theres changes of him in interviews and v lives and all and everyone just loves it

will sO be the dad to take bump pics aW MY ACHEY BREAKY HEART FUCK

will do a montage

he’ll make a pinterest just for nursery ideas bc he’s gonNA BE A DAD

WHAT TYPE OF DAD WOULD CHEOL BE IF HE DIDNT BE A PARTICIPATING FATHER FROM THE START

a participating father does diy

it surprisingly goes well

momma coups is impressed

she invites jeonghan over in hopes to watch coups suffer but the two end up stood at the door of the nursery with teas in their hands and they're just admiring the man that probably keep them sane through different points of their lives

speaking about some of svt, they consider you as their momma coups (jeonghan is shaking) 

so when y’all tell the svt kids you're expecting an actual child, the room basically has an earthquake

hug here, hug there, may god help momma and papa coups bc they were being squished 

and then at the baby shower, cheol insisted that his sons be invited bc they're the life of the party

and its true

they are

Seungkwan does a lot of karaoke

but on a stage

and to people

he does some trot

thats when it gets lit

seokmin and soonyoung take over whilst seungkwan pulls vernon over for a slow dance to a song they're screaming to???

meh its svt ok they jam to anything and everything

i forgot to mention that since coups wasn't really so prepared for a bABY (teenagers and young adults aren't a default approach to fathering, ya gotta raise them from birth) he and momma coups are a regular attendee of birthing classes

just so he can be prepared

the classes were more for him than momma coups

she gets bored really easily

tiredness is a symptom of a pregnancy

anyWAY

night of the birth

2:36am is the dreaded time

although seungcheol was half dead bc damn dads need sleep too, dude’s still able to grab the hospital bags, slip shoes on, get the car keys and make it out of the house in record time and into the car

when they get to the hospital, cheol is talking at 100 miles a minute to two phones (maternal and paternal parents) of how the births happening

next is the svt kids

theres a lot of screaming over the speaker but it doesnt beat your scream when you went through a sudden contraction

and that was the beginning of the long ass birth of your first son

we’re at the fourth child

a daughter

a tulip

a little princess for the family to adore

no one expected it, as i said at the beginning

momma coups that she was doomed with boys but nah, theres still hope

from the day of the birth, papa coups has his boys, ages 7, 5 and 3 stand in a line in the hospital room as if they were in the military.

momma coups is cackling in her bed as she holds princess coups.

“boys, we’re now in a default mission.” 3 year old coups struggles a bit with balance and don't even expect concentration from him. baby looks away from papa coups for a sec 

“3rd son coups, look at me please-”

“3rd son coups, where are you going-”

“i demand the presence of 3rd son coups”

lmao 3rd son coups goes to sit with momma coups on the big hospital bed aw aw he pokes princess coups’ hand

“pwincess coups?” he asks momma coups with those starry eyes (coups genetics are amazing)

“princess coups, baby.” momma coups answers back and the whole family just gathers near the bed. 

“she's a diamond, boys, we gotta make sure no one tries to break or steal her, thats all i ask of you”

“yes dad”

theres even a response from 3rd son coups anD MY HEART IS HURTING FUCKING SHIT IM SUCH DOMESTIC TRASH I GOTTA MAKE 12 MORE OF THESE IM GONNA DIE OF HEART ACHE

cheol will piggyback the kids all day errday YGM

piggyback to brush teeth, piggyback for breakfast agh

everything is also almost like a military operation

this is where cheaper by the dozen tropes come in ok

i wouldn't say that cheol is a competitive person but if someone makes their family (*cough* jeonghan *cough*) out to be better than everyone else then its war

theres also summer trips to a lakehouse w the rest of svt and their families and my heart is hurting more now

but yeah

this is where the ‘daddy coups’ apron comes out.

did i forget to mention that princess coups has a small crush on woozi’s kid

this is when they're like 14 ok

they're both fucking shy too 

ofc cheol knows

instead of being protective, he pROVOKES IT AND OMF ‘DAD CAN YOU STOP WE GET IT’

princess coups isn't the biggest fan of her dads antics

still loves him as a dad tho

lmao his plan acc works tho like woozis kid and princess coups go on dates (both woozi and cheol chaperone lmao it ends up as a dads meeting)

OOH OOH (ooh aah I'm sorry oops)

CHEOL’S THE DAD TO STALK HIS KIDS DATES

will be the dad to make a mountain out of a mole hill over his kids dreams and damn i want cheol as a dad i feel as if very morning would be ‘CHASE YOUR DREAMS OK DONT LET ANYTHING HOLD YOU BACK’

would drive you where you needed to for these dreams

soccer games for boys, hell soccer games for the girl too she's grown in a practically all boys household

cheol doesnt degrade it tho

oh yeah all the boys are taught to be respectful towards women but the full on lessons go on at the hong’s.

coups pays joshua in the form of a future son-in-law for one of his little girls

joshua acc slaps coups i lAF

“if i see any of your boys near my princesses, choi, you're dead :))))))”

coups doesnt take it the wrong way bc its understandable?? but also not bc he trusts his kids to not make the wrong decisions

will be an emotional wreck at graduations

will also be the dad to scream their kids name at the graduation too

lmao my brother did that for my sister at hers but it failed terribly

people also had competitions at my brother’s graduation as to who could shout their graduate relatives name the loudest and ngl it was lit

but yeAH

will basically be dead at the kids weddings bC FUCK HIS KID HAVE GROWN UP WTF DID THE TIME GO

princess coups marries woozis kid btw lmao woozi regrets his whole life as cheol drunkenly cries on his shoulder at the reception

is not ready to let his kids go off into the real world but knows that he prepared them enough to be ready

or isn't he sure?? 

“princESS COUPS COME BACK HERE IM NOT DONE RAISING YOU”

BUT YEAH thats the end of dad! seungcheol i hope you enjoyed my first post :) expect some of these coming dad au’s to also be angsty bc I'm an emotional wreck like that :))))

byeeeee

[findingcrazyies-blog]

The whirlwind 3 months

So, I’ve decided to write a blog, maybe to help or maybe to get everything off my chest. I sat and googled “how to get over somebody” and one of the notes was to write all your thoughts on a notepad so I thought why not write a blog, surely there are people out there who are in the same position as me. Let me start at the beginning. One night I met a girl, she seemed to good to be true. Great kisser, smoking hot body, sporty, great personality. We sat on the sofa and we kissed for the first time and all I kept thinking in my head “i can’t believe me luck”. She stayed over the night and I honestly thought “this is will be awkward the next morning”, but she rolled over and I just couldn’t believe my eyes, this girl was just as stunning in the morning as she was in the evening. Everything I look for in a woman. This was in November, and as the days passed, we spent more time together and we started to sleep together an we’re very experimental, which I won’t go into, but to say probably the best sex I have had is an understatement. She would come over every night, stay most nights. At one point it snowed for 4 days and she didn’t leave my side. It was great, I couldn’t get enough of the girl, everything was perfect, I’d never been happier. What also made it better is she would tell me the same, I made her happy, she missed me, and I wouldn’t have to ask and she would be around at the house. There’s loads of things I have in my head that i remember, they pop up in my head and brings a smile. Christmas approached and she met my kids. We played footie out on the street. Was it too soon? Maybe, but I’m my head it was right. And guess what, my kids instantly liked her, I knew I was onto a winner. Let me explain, she had jumped from one relationship to another. She wasn’t looking to rush into anything, which I understand but it had moved so quickly in a month, I guess I took my eye off that and had hoped she saw what I saw and how happy we were. One night it snowed and we had got drunk in the house. We decided to go sledging, she ran to the top of the hill and I made it half way. How crazy is this, it’s half 1 in the morning and we were lying in the middle of a field in snow lying next to each other, looking up at the stars. It sounds perfect doesn’t it? I rolled over and kissed her, again sounds perfect. We stood up, I hugged her from behind looking up at the stars, again sounds perfect right. That night, the sex was amazing and I could still not believe my luck. Roll on to Christmas and we had pretty much spent the best part of a month and a half, unseperable. Christmas Eve she went for a day trip with the family and all the time was messaging me how much she missed me, how she wanted to be with me and the boys. That night she got home and in no time was round at the house playing games with the kids. Perfect Christmas! Fast forward to New Year’s Eve....Chinese, wine and watching fireworks in the street hugging. The whole 2 months were perfect. We began to experiment more with sex and I couldn’t get enough, but this was also my downfall. I enjoyed the time we had spent together, had enjoyed the sex, I couldn’t get enough. I used to do this thing, she would lie on me but tucked into my arms and I loved it, I felt like she really cared. I enjoyed it so much, I would race home and be like a dog on heat, you coming round would be the message. Not tonight....my heart sank. Why didn’t she want to come around anymore? Was I overthinking? She did come over most nights but didn’t stay over but when she did, instead of having sex in the night, morning sex became the new theme, which I was fine with, made me ready for the day ahead. But as the days went on coming into February, the visits became less and the time became less and less. But I still wanted what we had every day and I couldn’t understand why she didnt . What had changed? Had I changed? We had a few chats til 4 in the morning, what we didn’t like but mostly what she didn’t like about me, nothing bad but things like I used to rub instead of tickle. I used to tickle her all the time, and skin to skin contact, it’s intimate and she loved it so I was happy I found something she enjoyed. But I couldn’t find anything about her I didn’t like. My favourite thing was lieing on the sofa smelling her hair, I couldn’t get enough. So February comes and a holiday with a friend. A chance for us to spend a week apart. This is healthly I thought, I hope she misses me, I hope when she comes back it’s open arm hugs and back to it. Boy was I wrong! Whilst she was away, I would receive messages as normal, we wouldnt talk on the phone, always whatsapp. Nothing was different. The second phase of the week apart was a bit harder because she had come home but I couldn’t see her as She was with her friend. Something I haven’t mentioned is she is also my next door neighbour. Now it makes sense how she came over so much. It was easy. Just nip over when I finished work. Now your thinking, why didn’t you just hang out together whilst she wasn’t with her friends. Well, we were a secret. We live in a small community And the rumours were rife, they are together which we denied. I felt like a dirty little secret. At first I was happy with that but as time went on, I felt more ok to open up and say yeah we are seeing each other. Maybe because i thought I found the person who was right for me. So back to the week. I spent most of my days finding things to do to pass the time until her friend left and I could see her again. That day came. I was excited! You coming round? I can’t was the reply. Ok, She had a week off work and had a lot of work. Maybe tomorrow? Well she was going to see another friend. For me, I was expecting her around, big hugs, kisses maybe stay the night. What actually happened was in that week, She decided she didn’t want a relationship. Gutted and heartbroken! what had I done wrong. I spent Days in bed, I couldn’t get up, what was the point. I tried going the gym but couldn’t concentrate. I also need to explain im new to the area so this was also company for me, this had now been taken away. I couldn’t believe it. What did I do wrong. All that raced through my head, I struggled to understand. She just didn’t want a relationship whether that was with me or there was someone else, who knows. Now, whilst you’re reading this, 3 months really! I have also thought the same. Come on, what are you doing! But as you have read, that 3 months was full of great memories, no arguements, no signal of any trouble, whilst it slowed down I thought that’s what happens. I had really fallen for this girl. We sat there and said we don’t know what to do. Could i be friends with someone I had strong feelings for, it’s what she wanted. I couldn’t imagine this girl not in my life, it’s a daily struggle. I love music, it helps especially when you can relate to the lyrics, it’s like it’s speaks to you. Where do I go next? Who knows, all I know is something needs to change. It’s harder that I have no close friends around. I’m new to the area and don’t have that circle of friends to pick me up when I’m down. Have I learnt anything? I saw something on Facebook, one of the posters people post. In it, it said more people are in love and not together than people are together and not in love. Interesting