#(oh how many times have I been essentially questioned by my family whether I have npd symptoms or no; just without the name.

[vain-creature]

Because if they still feel that X makes you fundamentally broken, no amount of reassurance that they don't have it is ever going to be enough.

!!!!!!

Many of the incorrect things that people routinely say about NPD were things that people once said about autism. I'm thinking in particular about, "If you're worried you have NPD/autism then that means you don't have it."

The implications are different. The assumption with autistic people was that they straight-up didn't have the mental capacity to reflect on whether or not they might have a condition, and with NPD it's more, "Worrying about it would imply concern for others, which they don't have." Though even if you make the assumption that NPD people have zero concern for the impact they have on others (which is an oversimplification), this statement makes no sense. It doesn't require empathy to be worried that you might have an oft-demonized condition. There are entirely selfish reasons to be worried about that.

And in either case, to disprove it all you need are a few diagnosed people saying, "Yes, I did read up on this condition before I was diagnosed and I was in fact worried that I had it." (Though I guess you can resolve this cognitive dissonance in either case just by decided not to believe anything that the diagnosed people say and insisting that they are just repeating words like a parrot.)

But anyway, there's just too much awareness and advocacy now around autism and too many officially diagnosed people talking about the condition for statements like "if you're worried about having autism then you don't" to be taken seriously, and I think we'll eventually see a similar thing happen with NPD.

Statements like these are often meant to reassure scrupulosity-afflicted people who are perpetually haunted by the idea that they have X and that having X would make them a fundamentally unlovable and unworthy and abusive person. But in cases like that, maybe what actually needs to happen is for them to challenge that idea. Because if they still feel that X makes you fundamentally broken, no amount of reassurance that they don't have it is ever going to be enough. Those who worship beauty will always feel ugly, those who worship intelligence will always fear that they are stupid, etc. That worry is always going to come back. Especially if they actually do have X or something in the general vicinity.

Consider, for example, the case of a person with NPD being abused by another person with NPD. Maybe their abuser recognized their symptoms and used those symptoms as a way to gaslight and control them. After that, "if you're worried you have X you don't have X" will be a tremendously reassuring and cathartic thing to hear. "Oh, of course! My abuser was projecting all along. Thank god I am not actually one of those people!"

But of course, if the victim does actually have some of the symptoms associated with the condition they are going to recognize that on some level and be constantly consumed with the need to rationalize those symptoms away. It will never stop. Not until they reject the idea that the symptoms are what make them unworthy.

Of course, symptoms can cause people to behave abusively, but this is true of a very wide range of conditions, even relatively "normal" and destigmatized ones. Real life is full of gray area and complexity, and broad brush statements like "if you're worried you have the thing then you don't have it" just obscure the examination of that complexity.

[mdhwrites]

If you have already addressed this issue please feel free to ignore what follows and direct me to your appropriate post.

I'd like your thoughts on fans who, went confronted with writing flaws in The Owl House they can't headcanon away, default to blaming Disney's cancellation for the show not being perfect. They will even do this for writing flaws that were evident well before Disney pulled the plug.

I have absolutely tackled this from a LOT of directions, such as how the early writing was not actually as good as we think it was, it just had a lot of potential, how S2A nukes much of that potential, how the found family was never real, how themes were always fucked, etc. like that to the opposite where I pointed out that for S3, ANY sort of S3 that was anything like what we got, S2B essentially had to be exactly what it was before so either S3 was inherently flawed by a godawful setup where you have no threats and most characters wrapped up entirely or TOH has always been full of it and wanted way more than three seasons which makes a lot of sense for how TOH has some of the slowest storytelling in all of kid's media. Oh, and of course the fact that they kept adding to the story and threats even after the shortening, such as the fact that the Collector only ever shows up in a dream sequence before S2B and even the creators have admitted they threw it at the wall in response to the shortening because they just wanted to see what happened.

For today though, I want to mention that in my Discord, someone linked a Reddit post that called the second episode kind of boring. That's it. Second episode wasn't great but the rest of the series was. As far as softball complaints go, you don't go much simpler. However, the top comment on it still had a person who seemingly out of reflex decided they had to bring up the shortening for the SECOND. EPISODE.

They didn't bring up Disney meddling.

They didn't bring up that it was finding its footing.

They didn't even bring up potential good points of the second episode, something even I could.

It was the shortening before anything else for something that happened over a season before the shortening took effect.

The shortening was the best possible thing to ever happen to TOH's Legacy. Not TOH itself, I'm not that big of a dick, but to its legacy. Anything that is praised as rampantly as TOH was is always due for a backlash, whether reasonable or not. Steven Universe went through this. She-Ra went through this. Frozen went through this. Bioshock Infinite is INFAMOUS for how its re-evaluation destroyed it as we all realized that even for the time, it wasn't good storytelling and just not a great game either.

This larger backlash has never happened to TOH because there's an impenetrable shield for many. "Disney screwed it over. A full S3 would have made it perfect." All complaints can be deflected because they can be blamed on someone else, something the show even encourages mentally due to how it treats Hunter, Lilith, The Collector and, of course, Amity. As such, people who might have normally seen my blogs and actually had to pause and question the show don't. I'm being unfair after all by not considering its production, which is admittedly a pretty shitty way to analyze media because we still need to evaluate the end product. People still call Molly McGee's ending being rushed despite being so much more cruelly treated than TOH's.

BUUUUUT I also think this is why ten years down the line... It's going to be forgotten. New people will come to the show and maybe they'll like it but they won't be able to love it. The cracks are obvious to any who perceive it. You can still enjoy it of course but to be diehard like the fans right now? You need something to plaster over it and those won't be in as active discussion ten years later. You won't have had an entire season of bracing yourself for any criticism like TOH's fandom had after S2A. It's a show doomed by its late stage flaws to be terrible for those who binge it who are unlikely to like it enough to want to see why this happened. Maybe word of mouth spreads it but like... If you look at the ratings, they were never much more impressive than Amphibia so bare minimum, a more rabid fanbase only ever got TOH more piracy, if it actually got it that much larger a fanbase, especially amongst normal people and not all of us, myself included, who are chronically online.

There's also a lot of stuff about TOH that falls into this category. Raine will seem almost worthless once a popular cartoon with an NB character with, you know, an actual character shows up. Lumity will seem pathetically written once an actually nuanced couple in animation shows up. Belos will lose so much of his bite once there are not a billion people screaming colonialism/racism about the generic evil dictator. TOH is propped up with excuses and accolades that make people think it is beyond reproach. That criticizing it is wrong and thus never evaluate their own thoughts on the show.

They stay in their bubble, dreaming of a S3 that doesn't, and couldn't, have ever existed. Swept up by their sweet lies, they shall stay in their fantasy world just like Luz did. See you next tale.

======+++++======

I wonder if a lot of this is also why I've only gotten one person on Tumblr to REALLY try and wage war on me. My blogs are too long and thorough to refute easily or just get mad over. I've had people try of course, some who try to dissect my blogs but their posts go nowhere and their arguments are limp because when you're up against someone like me... Well, I'm proud of what I do here, even if I do it as casually as I do.

That or how long my blogs are makes people not interested in things critiquing TOH just skip them. Also, I didn't link specific blogs because Tumblr's search function sucks and so I have no idea if I'd even be able to find them.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[eddiediazismyhusband]

Hi! A bit of a weird ask here, hope you don't mind. (I swear it's not meant in bad faith)

So, I'm new to the fandom. I'd wanted to watch the show for a while and I finally found time. I did like it, and all the characters, esp Hen and Buck.

Even previous to watching it, I had seen many posts about Buddie. I didn't think much of it until I watched the show. And now I can say... I don't see it. Like, from Buck's side? Sure. But from Eddie's? Not so much.

They both clearly act like Christopher's co-parents a lot, and that's where I'm like "oh, maybe there IS something". But outside of that, I actually see their interactions as mostly platonic. And when I see people talk about it, I see mostly about how Eddie completely trusts Buck with his son (which I agree with and makes a good point), but not much else.

So, what am I missing? Sometimes some characters are harder for me to "read", so I know there could be stuff that I'm missing. What interactions do you see from them that are so clearly romantic (at least more so than they are platonic)? In which ways do you see Eddie showing feelings for Buck?

Sorry about such a long ask. This might be more of a rant (oops). I just really want to understand, bc everyone's so sure... and I'm not. (Also, thanks for reading if you got this far)

So i’m obviously not going to tell you thst your interpretation is wrong- art is subjective and your interpretation of things is completely valid.

that being said, to me i see myself in eddie in a lot of ways:

- only son in the family, so i had unrealistic expectations fixed on me about what my life as a “man” should look like (im not a man, im nonbinary but i was still amab so to my parents i’ve always been a ‘man’)

- raised in a very religious household where there were certain expectations on who i would one day marry and have a family with (because not getting married at all and never having kids was out of the question)

- i was repressed for years emotionally (and sexually) due to pressure from my parents/church and thought there was something “wrong” with me for the feelings i felt

- i often revert to anger as my default defense mechanism because i have repressed my emotions for so long (which is something i am working through in therapy)

so seeing those things i relate to reflected in eddie, it is easy for me to pick up on subtext (whether intentional or not) when it comes to his sexuality/feelings for Buck.

you mentioned eddie trusting buck with christopher— to me this is one of the clearest examples of eddie’s true feelings for buck because he completely trusts the most precious thing in his life with Buck, but he has never even come close to that same kind of trust with any of his romantic partners… even shannon he was apprehensive about letting her back into chris’s life. this means he trusts buck on a level he has never trusted anyone else before— and not to get into psychology, but often when people are repressed emotionally, they find ways to feed those feelings without overtly feeding them if that makes sense. so eddie giving chris (who is practically his whole heart) to buck is essentially eddie offering up his heart on a platter.

so that gets that one out of the way.

as for other examples… i am going to state again that eddie is more repressed than buck and doesn’t show emotion as easily as buck does so Buck’s attraction/feelings are going to be more clear-cut and obvious.

but i am constantly seeing examples of eddie’s feelings for buck interwoven subtly through things:

- crying over buck after the lightning strike when we had only ever seen him cry twice before

- the hurt in his face when buck said natalia was the only person who “saw” him

- the way that he gets overly jealous and acts petty around buck’s romantic partners (the most egregious being Taylor, but we have seen it happen in his other relationships as well)

- the fact that he has never been able to fully allow himself to have feelings for the women he’s dated

- he is looking for a mother figure (second parental unit for chris) but has already effectively filled that role with buck

- he is constantly looking at buck like he hung the stars and the sun and the moon

- he has only started going off the deep end of this fixation with shannon after buck came out to him, and he is onyl actively remembering their relationship as what he wished it had been rather than what it was— something i used to do back when i was still in denial about my sexuality was imagining this dream life where i was happily married to a woman because that is what i was supposed to want, not because it’s what i actually wanted

- eddie is the only one who has shown he understands buck’s recklessness is less him being reckless/thinking he’s unbreakable, but that it’s actually buck seeing himself as invaluable enough that getting hurt wouldn’t affect anyone around him

- one of my favorite scenes is post lightning-strike when eddie climbed the ladder and instead of trying to lower buck to the ground immediately, he initially tries to pull buck closer to him while screaming for him

the list could go on and on and if anyone else wants to leave their observations on eddie’s feelings for buck in the replies by all means please do! but these are just a few ways in which i have personally seen eddie’s devotion to buck portrayed in a light that is much deeper than a platonic level.

i hope this made sense and offers a new perspective for you, and i’m glad that even though you haven’t seen enough evidence in your own interpretation, your first instinct isn’t to jump down people’s throats to tell them they are wrong, but instead reaching out and asking for other opinions to better contextualize why us buddie shippers are so invested in these two!

(and never apologize for a long ask to me… if there’s one thing about me i love to yap lmao)

i hope you have a lovely day, anon!! 💕💕

[blakbonnet]

Artist of the Week!

So last weekend, I announced that I'd like to feature an artist every weekend for both new fandom joinees who might not have seen some of this art and older fans who like the nostalgia. This week's artist is Ash @aha-my-villainous-thoughts 💖 who also, wonderful that they are, agreed to answer a few questions for me!

Which App Do You Use To Draw When I’m at my big set up I use Clip Studio Paint, I love it so much. It’s very straight forward to dip straight in, has all of the bells and whistles you need from an elite drawing program, and the community elements where you can see assets and brushes is a lot of fun - although I still to this day have no idea how to earn coins to buy assets?! I use a XPPen Artist 15.6 Pro Graphics Tablet to draw into the program, although my best tip with graphics tablets is to get a screen protector, mine got covered in marks before I noticed. Recently I also got an iPad 10.9 to use as a digital sketchbook I can carry around, and while I am enjoying Procreate, I think CSP is a better art program overall.

Fave Brushes? On iPad I stick to the technical pen, studio pen and the soft airbrush, along with the textures and the light pen. I don’t think Procreate has great ‘painting’ brushes, whereas on CSP I would marry the Gouache brushes, I love how they blend and texture as you work.

Your favourite piece you’ve drawn? I’m a super self indulgent artist, I try to draw the kind of stuff I like to look at, so it’s a lot of colour, a lot of fabric and details. My fave piece for detail is the one I did for the OFMD RBB last year - Crescente Devotione, there’s a blushing sentient stool in it! For colour I’m in love with this sleepy time Ed in a lil negligee and a Holly Golightly eyemask, he's my lock screen because I'm trash.

Who harder to draw: Ed or Stede? Oh for sure Stede. I love Rhys Darby, but the man has like no lips. I stand by this meltdown.

One essential tip for beginner artists? Comparison is the thief of joy, don’t measure yourself against others - particularly when you’re finding your groove. Be self indulgent af. Also get a screen protector for whatever digital screen you draw on, and BACK. THINGS. UP. Whether in an online account, or on an external harddrive - or both?! BACK THAT SHIT UP.

Why OFMD? I’ve been in a few fandoms in the past, always as a pretty passive enjoyer, little fanart here or there, little fanfic sprinkled around, but there’s just something about the way this fandom feels? It feels like a group of friends who’ve got their own lives and their goals, but they still exist in each other's orbit, it’s like this feeling of returning home to somewhere you’re always welcome. There’s so many good moments in the show for both comedy and some gut wrenching pathos. Sign up for the hot guy in leather and get got by this beautiful delicate little love story. It’s something about queer joy of thriving, not just surviving. Something about finding love and romance no matter your age or what’s past before. Something about found family, and unlikely friendships, and community and silliness. I was already a goner when Taika put on the wig, but then when he teared up in a blanket fort while trying not to die? Excuse me sir, I did not need feelings that powerful. It was literally waking me up at night thinking about his last shot weeping in the nook - like are you kidding me?! I’m supposed to finish watching and be normal after that??

[stenka-razin]

Ok, Terminator Zero won me back some in the end. It still has issues, but I do think it's arguably the best Terminator thing since T2. That's a low bar, and I think it may oversell how good this is, but it isn't bad. Spoilery stuff below, but I would say worth checking out.

Ok so the best thing is that, while flirting with the same fucking premise all the movies have done, even when they take place in the future, it does pull away from that midway. It sets up another stop the future from changing man vs. robot fight, but it pivots into essentially an open hearing about whether humanity even deserves to survive. It's an angle that none of the movies proper has taken. We created the evil AI, have we tried not making it evil? Have we tried getting it on our side?

The approach to time travel is pretty much the opposite of the original film's stable time loop, but it's much better the timey wimey crap all the subsequent films have pulled. Straight up, you cannot change your past, all trips to the past yield new timelines. It's frustrating for a second, because like, well why the fuck even do this, but they do cover that. Eventually. More on the pacing later. But yeah, the time travel mostly holds. The goofiest part is probably them talking about all the subsequent attempts made to change history which like... well if it never fucking works why did they try it more than 2 times? It also raises the inevitable question, how do you target timelines? Like Malcolm + Misaki, Eiko, and the Terminator all travel back to the same timeline? How does that work? Presumably Malcolm and Misaki, traveling to the farthest point back would make a new timeline. But that wouldn't affect Eiko's future, so when she goes back, why would it be a timeline with Malcolm and Misaki if they weren't originally in her past? Same with the Terminator. You should have three distinct timelines with future people running around. So nevermind, Time Travel is once again dumb. But they don't totally lose me, because thematically they use it to illustrate that the point of life is not knowing the future.

Pacing yeah, I don't know if this is a problem per se, but the way it buried what the fuck is happening was very annoying. I've been jerked around before. You throw a lot of mystery box shit at me, I'm going to assume you have no idea what the hell you're going to do with it all. That soured me at first. I feel like 30 minutes into the first Terminator you had a crystal clear understanding of everyone's motivation. Ahnold is looking up Sarah Connor's and killing them. He's obviously trying to kill Sarah. By the end of the first big fight Kyle Reese is expositing about future killer robots and shit. To it's credit, Zero does pick up all the pieces and gets them together, but I was juggling all this crap in my brain hoping to god this wasn't going to be like Lost or some crap.

Visually? I loved it. So with all the philosophizing, I was reminded of the Netflix Godzilla Anime trilogy. Those sucked. They took what should have been a slam dunk (Godzilla in a medium where you aren't limited with what you can do on a live action set) and gave us virtually no Monster action to look at. This doesn't do that! In fact it does a shitload of cool ass ideas that the live action Terminators don't! The Terminator modifies itself once in the past. The reveal is actually a shock because it's not an A list actor shown way in advance so people will watch the movie. GORE. Ton of gore!! So many cops get got, and it's bloody as hell.

So embrace the unwritten future! Watch a Terminator thing that isn't the same fucking crap again and again. No Connors? No problem! Oh also I watched it in Japanese, but Timothy Olyphant is apparently in the dub so that's kind of cool.

And since you've read to the end, here's a fun anecdote. My friend's dad dated Linda Hamilton's twin sister in high school (they're from the Eastern Shore!). When the family watched the Terminator, his wife fucking death glared his ass all during the sex scene.