#(no one in real life can know that i have an interest in romance OR fucking)
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Neve is painless. Rook is real.
Lucanis likes Neve because she represents what he is desperate to regain. He wants to feel normal, to work and cook and focus on the things he used to enjoy (such as they were) before the Ossuary. He wants capital R Romance, right out of a book.
Most importantly, he wants to get rid of Spite. He wants to pretend that he is the man he was...not this abomination.
Without truly knowing her, Lucanis believes Neve is a pathway to all of that. He's attracted to her, and she to him. Their flirting has an edge, but it's also friendly. She dislikes Spite, and her presence makes Spite disappear.
Neve will tell Lucanis that he's still himself, and that Spite doesn't change that. She will never be the one to reconcile Lucanis with Spite, to get them to accept each other. So, yeah, he gravitates to the charming, flirty, warm person who (through no fault of her own, really) feeds his desire to pretend he's not an abomination.
Even early on, I think he's smart enough to know that accepting Spite is his only option, but he...just... can't. With what tools? Nothing in his life has prepared him to deal with this. Rook does that. When denial tears Lucanis apart, Rook puts him back together with acceptance. Rook accepts the reality of Spite, and deals with it head-on every time.
Neve will remind Lucanis that she's not going anywhere. She'll tell him to open his eyes and look at facts, but she (probably) won't be the one to push him out of his own prison. Lucanis knows this, so Spite knows this, and therefore Spite will not look to Neve for help.
It's important for Lucanis to accept that Spite has changed him. But when it's Rook who says it--for whom Lucanis has developed real feelings, not idealized ones--well, it destroys the fantasy Lucanis clings to so vehemently, the one where he isn't this.
For me, the Lucanis/Rook romance feels the way it does NOT because the writers "preferred" that Lucanis and Neve get together, but because Neve is simply easier for Lucanis to accept. She's easier to talk to, unchallenging. Easy isn't bad! Comfort isn't bad! God knows they both deserve some comfort.
Loving Rook is a profoundly complex choice. There's not a lot of cute ways to work that profundity into sexy banter. It makes sense, then, that Lucanis doesn't have as much dialogue for a romanced Rook as he does with Neve. What he can do is cook, make small gestures. He can, heartbreakingly, tell Rook, over and over, that he doesn't have the words to express how he feels. That's such an awful state, knowing that the person you care about needs to hear words you simply cannot locate. As soon as he does have the words, he shares them.
Rook is real. And real is not easy.
To Lucanis, Rook represents a difficult path to recovery, a path he has to keep choosing to follow, every day. At a time in his life where he is incapable of seeing Spite (and his own PTSD ) as anything but a 'distraction' to shove aside, Rook shows genuine interest in helping Lucanis heal. Rook takes consistent action toward that goal, particularly when it's clear that Lucanis doesn't know how.
Lucanis also has to believe that he's worth the effort, his own and his love's. Neve is great, love her, but I don't see this struggling cynic, this chronic worrier, being very helpful in the self-worth department. No, people in a relationship do not have to perform therapeutic roles. But, partners do have to respect each others' boundaries and needs.
Of course Lucanis goes all-in for Neve, romantically, even while he and Rook are dancing around each other. Accepting how much he loves and cares for Rook means looking at himself the way Rook does. That is so much harder than whatever will happen with Neve.
The fact that Lucanis isn't afraid to pursue Neve, even if Treviso is blighted, tells me that Neve is an indulgence for him. Again, that's not a value judgement. If they treat each other with respect, then the merits of the relationship don't have to fall on whether Lucanis 'heals' as a result. Sometimes not hurting all the time is enough.
BUT. Contrast the ease he feels with Neve with his feelings about Rook:
"When I was afraid to want you..."
That is a powerful admission.
What was he afraid of? The annihilation of neglect, worthlessness, and shame. The awful but knowable pillars of his existence.
Wanting Rook means that Lucanis wants to dismantle everything he knows in pursuit of something he doesn't. To love Rook is to love and accept himself, exactly as he is.
Then...then...Lucanis finds real comfort.
#datv#lucanis dellamorte#neve gallus#datv spoilers#i have a lot of feelings about my own shitty reactions to the neve/lucanis romance. and approaching it this way has helped. A LOT.
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Locked Out (Kinetic Novel)
Created by: SlowlyTee 🍓
Genre: Horror/Romance
This is a short but complete kinetic novel about a girl named Sallie who gets locked out of her apartment and has to wait it out in her neighbor Kien's apartment until she can get the locksmith to come. It has a very nice art style and a bit of a twist near the end, even if it does feel like it ends in a cliff hanger. You can find more at @slowlytee.
The story starts out with Sallie coming back home from her work after a snowstorm only to find that she had accidentally locked her keys inside of her apartment. She finds that there's nobody she can turn to and instead calls a locksmith to help her get back in. Because of the snow storm, the company estimates that it will take them about an hour and a half to the apartment, meaning that Sallie will have to either stand outside in the cold or find a place to stay. While contemplating on the nearby places and how creepy that one guy at the mall was, her new neighbor Kien comes by and offers for her to stay at his place to wait. Having no real other option, she agrees and hangs out at his place to talk. We find out the reason why Kien is out so late is because of his insomnia and he talks about how he manages it, letting himself work on various projects to tire himself out. As a freelance editor, he is able to work on many projects on his own time. Sallie also talks about her job as a bartender and her desire to be a journalist, even if she knows her family doesn't really support her on this decision. Kien offers her a drink and suggests drinking some wild berry tea which Sallie agrees to. After variously talking for a bit, Kien heads to the bathroom and Sallie ends up passing out on the couch. Upon waking up, she finds that she missed the locksmith by two hours, causing her to panic. Kien comes in to tell her that he decided to pay for the fees and got her door unlocked while she was asleep. When asked to pay him back, Kien instead asks for her to go on a coffee date with him which she agrees to. After being given some wild berry tea leaves, Sallie returns back to her apartment. She decides before sleeping to call the company and figure out how much she owns Kien, however, upon calling, she finds that Kien actually cancelled the service stating that he was Sallie's boyfriend and simply unlocked it for her, leading the caller to get annoyed and scold her a bit for wasting her time. Immediately afterwards, Sallie goes to Kien's house and pins him against the wall angry. She more or less curses at Kien and tells him to not mess with her before he laughs stating that her reaction was very interesting.
First things first, I really like this artstyle in this game-it reminds me of an artist that I follow on instagram though it's not the same person. I think that the snowy atmosphere really brings a very good feeling to everything, not only the coldness that Sallie feels but also the contrasting warmness of when she goes into Kien's apartment. All in all, I honestly just really like the art style for this game. Another thing I like is how generally grounded this game is, as everything that happened is something that could feasibly happen in real life, which I think is always a fun thing to see in these types of kinetic novels. Despite how short it is, it's able to showcase both of the character personalities- even certain things like Sallie turning on Kien at the end by coming to his apartment and pushing him against the wall are also foreshadowed in her conversations with Kien.
Sallie initially comes off as a bit more aloof and reserved towards others, though it's completely understandable given that she's locked herself out of her apartment during a snowstorm. She doesn't actually ask Kien initially when she sees him to perhaps let her stay in his apartment until tlhe snowstorm starts, out of both politeness and out of awkwardness. We see this too when she stays in his apartment at least until Kien makes her more comfortable and insists on paying back Kien even after Kien tells her its okay, going so far as to call on the same day to figure out the pricing. At the same time though, we see that her job wasn't supported by her parents and thus she has to fund her own college classes through bartending. There's a sense of not wanting to have to be in debt in others no matter the cost, so I can see where she might have a kind of turn like this near the end. There are definitely bits of personality that shine through from what initially seems like a more polite and passive protagonist.
Kien, until the reveal at the end, is pretty good at hiding his yandere intentions. It's likely that he has been watching Sallie for a while, either because of his insomnia that allows him to watch over her at various times, or if he was lying just to make conversation with her. It also makes you wonder whether or not Kien himself was the one who locked Sallie's apartment door or if she did honestly forget and he took advantage of the situation. I think the most obvious thing he does is drug the tea that Sallie had- I honestly thought he was going to kidnap her after this instance, but instead he just goes out to unlock her door. Honestly, if Sallie had not decided to call the place to figure out how much she owed Kien, she probably wouldn't have found out that he was doing all of these things, like calling her his girlfriend or unlocking the door himself. I actually like this approach since there are a lot of little subtle hints into what's going on and then an ultimate confirmation at the end to see what he actually did. I am curious about his reaction though since he seems pretty smug for someone who was caught stalking and making a copy of her keys.
The game ends pretty abruptly on a cliff hanger. I think that while it could have made a more clean cut ending, the way that the cliff hanger ends give a sense of intrigue for what is to come. However, I can see why people would not like it since it is very abrupt and seemingly comes out of nowhere. Still, I think that it's a fun short game with a yandere in it with a good art style. Try it out if you haven't.
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(DATV thoughts with spoilers ahead; i think my tags will keep it filtered but just in case it doesn't since i dont want this in the actual game tags)
i just... man. i don't have a well formulated thought for this yet (and its my PERSONAL OPINION and other people can feel as different as they want, this is not an attack) but it keeps bouncing around my head, so. i know the popular thing right now is coming up with in-universe justifications for The Pantry Almost-Kiss Scene in ways that imply Lucanis didn't mean it/it doesn't represent him as a person/he was Faking It.
and i just don't like any of them. they make me sad!!!!!! i don't like the idea that one of the like 4 romance scenes we get in this game is him Pretending in some way, even if he does at that point like Rook back at least somewhat. None of the justifications i've seen make me feel Better about that being the point where we declare him as a romantic interest, which is what it is in the game, functionally. It doesn't lock you in yet but that point IS where the game says "they will take your flirting more seriously now". I did those same scenes for Davrin, Emmrich, and Taash and this is the formula the game uses (the "interrupted almost-kiss/confession" happens for almost all of the companions).
so if the answer for Lucanis' is "actually he stopped because he Didn't like what he was doing/feel that way yet" or that he felt he had to pretend for Rook's sake... it's kind of a letdown you know? esspecially when it comes right after what seems like an actually authentic moment (dispelling his "perfectly gathered clouds of doom"). Because, at that point in the game from my/Rook's perspective, it was like he finally was reciprocating. It made me hope that he'd acknowledge whatever was between him & Rook more in future scenes, especially because you get so little else from him at any other point, in terms of flirting back/showing you he IS interested. like up to that point I felt kind of bad for continuing to flirt at him, when he'd just change the subject right after! if someone did that in real life i would take it as a hint to stop. This is pixels and not real people so I didn't but they have done "reluctant/fearful interest" better in other characters if that's truly what they were going for in this one.
so after finishing the romance and getting the rest of content... idk. I don't like saying "one of the major chunks of characterization we get needs to be Thrown Out Actually because he was Pretending". because it's not like he or Rook ever actually address it in game--you just don't get to talk about feelings until some dialogue choices only in the act 3 romance scene, and then his speech at endgame (not even a full conversation, so much as his personal declaration). like it takes until the VERY end of the game for him to say the thing about "he was afraid to want you", but that comes after you've already hooked up, even.
I think truly what annoys me is that it's a story choice that can only make sense in HINDSIGHT not AS PLAYING. Only once you have all the scenes can you say "this one is out of character" and then you either have to accept it as bad writing, or come up with some in-universe justification to explain it... and so far none of the in universe ones feel good to me. i wish they did because maybe then I'd be less annoyed, rip. but at the end of the day i think even if there was some intent there, it was a poor choice for his story arc, because it doesn't effectively convey anything... and the reason why we can project a lot of different explanations onto it is simply because it is never addressed again (and again, Lucanis Dellamorte is NOT A PERSON he is a CHARACTER used to further a story for you the player, and so the reasons I don't like this choice are story-level and not a dig at how real life people feel or act).
So yeah at the end of the day. that is simply not a narrative device I would ever personally use in this way on a player/reader. certain kinds of hindsight revelations have their place (see: what the devs tried to do with Varric though I also think that falls apart on close inspection, but at least it has justification in-universe), but for a romance it just makes me embarrassed for Rook. In a game where you don't have nearly as many back-and-forth conversations with characters and have to resort to eavesdropping on them talking to each other, it's sad that one of the like 5 times you actually get to talk to Lucanis one on one we're maybe supposed to believe he wasn't being authentic, and also that Rook can't respond to this ever. It would be different if it had any kind of follow up, imo. or honestly as i've said before i would rather it have been swapped out with something entirely different or where we get to talk about their feelings instead, before i get labeled as one of the "people mad he's not Zevran 2.0/a sexy latin sterotype".
But having to step back to player-level analysis versus in-character analysis when looking at his whole romance arc just feels sloppy. but i'd much rather stick to "bad writing" than "intentional character choice" in terms of how to interpret the scene I guess, at this point, for poor Rook's sake. and i know people disagree with when I've said that before bc as much as I love Mary Kirby in other areas, she has said many times that she doesn't like writing romance, and I think it really does show here. As much as I love Lucanis and the scraps we got I wish I didn't have to do so much filling-in-the-blanks on our own.
#like... ive been trying for weeks to come up with reasoning that feels better than “He Is Faking It And Rook Believed It (What A Sucker)”#so far i think. with a lot of extra work/headcanon.#i could buy it as a trauma response about it being the first non-harmful touch he experiences since the ossuary#and not expecting himself to get anxious halfway through/not intending to need to bail out#but i haven't fully formulated that yet. but man does the “pretending” angle hit wrong for me :(#fine if other people like it! it just makes me feel sad :(#ramblings#lucanisposting#lucanis dellamorte#jade plays dav#dav critical#veilguard critical#bioware critical#discovered i have already been Blocked by ppl for my previous Lucanis Takes so might as well cement the deal i guess lol#dragon age: veilguard /#dragon age: the veilguard /#datv spoilers#da4 spoilers#i THINK that kind of tagging works for keeping out of tags but on post filtering???? i hope. anyway#also i LOVE being Sad about bioware romances in other ways (Solas; Thane; etc) so its not Just That its specifically feeling Tricked yknow
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My Chemical Romance – I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love: album review
Year: 2002
Label: Eyeball Records
Genre: Post-hardcore, emo, punk-rock, pop-punk
Members: Gerard Way (vocals), Ray Toro (guitar), Mikey Way (bass guitar), Matt Pelissier (drums), Frank Iero (additional guitars)
Producer: Geoff Rickly
Listen to it here: [x]
Join me in this beautiful journey of cathartic destruction where two lovers are doomed to meet and die in every lifetime.
You must keep your soul...
History
I don't think American rock band My Chemical Romance need any introduction, but for the sake of the review, I have to start from the beginning.
Hailing from New Jersey, the band was founded by Gerard Way in September 2001 after he witnessed the Twin Towers attack on his way to work. They are considered one of the most influential rock groups of the 2000s and a major act in the pop-punk and emo genres, despite the band rejecting the latter label. The name of the band was suggested by Mikey, Gerard's younger brother, who was working in a Barnes & Noble when he was struck by the title of a book by Irvine Welsh named Ecstasy: Three Tales of Chemical Romance.
I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love (Bullets for short) is their debut album, produced by Thursday vocalist Geoff Rickly. Despite being sold under the alternative rock genres, it is considered an emo album with strong influences from punk rock, hardcore punk and heavy metal.
The graphic impact
The album cover, as well as the disc, features Harry Houdini hanging upside down in a straitjacket. Gerard Way has stated that it is not a digital image, but was in fact made with some watercolor, some borax, some plastic wrap, and a color photocopier in the Eyeball Records offices.
Why put Houdini on the cover? All references to Houdini in the following albums aside, it's clear that Gerard admired the magician and saw in one of his most famous tricks – escaping from a straitjacket while dangling from a crane – a possible analogy for life: you can spend a whole lot of time in your life ‘escaping’ death, but it will still come eventually.
Autumn color palette, play of light and handmade special effects: aesthetically speaking, the album cover is very interesting to look at.
The tunes
Bullets starts off with Romance, an acoustic cover of an instrumental piece known as “Romance Anónimo,” “Romance d'Amour,” or “Spanish Romance,” composed by an unknown nineteenth-century musician. The sweet and melancholic melody lulls you into a (false) sense of security.
Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough for the Two of Us kicks off with a tits-blowing metal-core guitar riff, hitting you hard and fast, setting the real tone for the entire album. A very young Gerard yells the frustrated lyrics about a toxic relationship which, given the title's theme of the mirror, may be with an ex as well as drugs and/or alcohol. The chorus is an anthem for those who are sick and tired of their partner's (or the personification of drug abuse) manipulation tactics, and the way Gerard screams his lungs out makes it cathartic for those who haven't any words left in them anymore.
“This song is about sucking dick for cocaine.” – Gerard Way introducing the song in concert
Vampires Will Never Hurt You catapults you into another dimension, a darker, more eerie one, brought mostly by the intriguing bass line and the backwards whispering in the intro. The lyrics are the last rational, yet desperate, words of a man who's about to transform into a vampire against his will, and begs his lover to “put a spike in [his] heart” as soon as the sun goes down and to go hide before they'll get her too.
Drowning Lessons starts off with a bittersweet riff, introducing us to probably the saddest story told in the album. Drowning Lessons talks about a man who killed his spouse. My personal interpretation (I don't know if someone else had this idea before me) is that he killed himself shortly after and this is his otherworldly punishment: reliving this day over and over for eternity, perpetuating the cycle of insanity and guilt. The ending leaves you with a feeling of waiting and suspension, the fade-out suggests that the narrator is stuck in this loop and it will be like this forever.
In the fast paced Our Lady of Sorrows Gerard encourages his interlocutor to strip away their insecurities and live freely, to trust and believe in him so that they may be saved. The song is painted with religious imagery (hence the title), and implies that the narrator and the person he's speaking with are constantly at each other's throats: letting go of their doubts is the only way to end this before they murder each other. Gerard is angry, almost arrogant, but it's an arrogance driven by desperation since he doesn't want to lose his friend/lover over their insecurities, inviting and insisting that they “take [his] fucking hand and never be afraid again”.
Musically speaking, Headfirst for Halos is a sucker punch in the teeth, and yes, that is a compliment. The guitar is very Iron Maiden-esque, especially in the intro, and on a technical level, this song proves that these guys know what they're doing. The lyrics' grim undertones go in complete contrast with the upbeat tone of the music, turning it into a suicidal anthem. Despite the fact that it discusses how the narrator is stuffing himself with psychotropic drugs that make him numb to any kind of feeling, as well as his struggle against the idea of killing himself in this spiral of madness, Headfirst for Halos could be considered a powerful message of hope. This song, in my opinion, is not only about someone who succumbs to a psychotic episode, but it's also a way for the lyricist to remind us not to give up, not to do what the song proposes. Its end, where the protagonist probably commits suicide while repeating himself to “think happy thoughts”, is cathartic and destructive, truly beautiful in its tragedy.
"This song is about suicide - don't do it." – Gerard Way
I don't think I'll ever be ready to talk about Skylines and Turnstiles, but I'll try to give it justice. The track, the first one that was recorded while making the album, is a moving tribute to the victims of 9/11. It describes both the last moments of those people's lives and the experience, the feelings that Gerard had while witnessing it. The previous track's message of hope is reinforced in Skylines: when Gerard witnessed the tragedy, he knew he had to do something in hope to help people go through their grief and sadness and make the world a brighter place, giving them a reason to keep fighting. The song starts with “You're not in this alone”: Gerard is offering friendship for those who were hurt or scarred from 9/11, and it could also work in a broader sense, where he reaches his hand out to those who are feeling like this life isn't worth living anymore.
Inspired by Dawn of the Dead, Early Sunsets over Monroeville begins with a sweet and romantic melody, painting a dream-like picture of two lovers living a perfect life, “just like upon the screen”. The song, after that, takes a left turn that gives me shivers to this day just like the first time I heard it. The lyrics are a desperate call for help from the man who has to kill his lover, because she has been bitten by a zombie and is turning into one. He doesn't have the heart to shoot her, but on the other hand, it would be a mercy killing. The whole theme of the zombies could also be a metaphor for the couple's relationship that has gone awry, so the narrator has to “shoot” and hurt her by telling her that there's no love anymore between them. Gerard's voice, in the early stages of the song, is filled with nostalgia and melancholy, making the second part even more striking and emotional to listen to. His cries become more and more insistent, in a crescendo of desperation, and the fact that he repeats the same lines over and over only accentuates the interior dilemma he's having, while the melody becomes more and more fast-paced as well. The last line hangs in the air, which, again, marks the horror of the whole situation, leaving you in a state of suspended turmoil.
This is the Best Day Ever tells a story of a couple who meet in the emergency room, likely after they both attempted suicide, and they plan to escape the hospital together. It doesn't matter to them if they'll die after: they'll be free either way by doing it. What stands out the most is the upbeat and fast-paced melody, which accentuates the anticipation of the protagonists and their hope to get out of the situation they're in.
Cubicles tells a story of a shy and lonely office worker who falls in love with a woman who works two cubicles away from him but doesn't even realize he exists. He spends the time writing her love notes, but never gains the courage to give her the letters, let alone talk to her, until she quits her job and he misses his chance. From that point, he spirals into madness and is terrified he'll die alone, as portrayed by the repetition of the verse “sometimes I think I'll die alone”, which changes into just “I think I'd love to die alone” at the very end, coming to terms with his suicidal thoughts.
I think there's no better way to end this album, other than with Demolition Lovers. The song starts with a slow, sweet yet dark melody, while Gerard begins singing the beautiful, tragic story about a Bonnie and Clyde-esque couple, who run in the desert and eventually get shot by the people they were escaping from. As the music grows more intense, the man tells us how he isn't afraid to die for his lover and he is willing to prove how much she means to him despite their relationship being flawed. They die in a pool of blood, when they kiss for the last time. Demolition Lovers is masterfully made, with one of the most beautiful solos I've ever heard and with lyrics that are an arrow to the heart, not only for the passion they're sang with, but also for the meaning they carry. The ending is simply breathtaking.
Conclusion
Words can't even describe how much this album means to me. The themes, the arrangements, the messages of hope derived from destruction and tragedy, the whole meaning of the band itself... it's just beautiful. The genre is not cohesive but since it's their first artistic effort, it makes sense that they had yet to find their own style: after all, creation is just experimentation. But despite Bullets not being coherent in style, the atmosphere remains consistent thanks to the lyrics that have all the same feeling of catharsis in romantic destruction. I just wish that some songs were mixed better (but if anything that adds to their charm) and that it would last longer. Also it's worth mentioning how all the songs are connected without being connected at all (just how they are connected to their next album, which we'll check out next time), which makes me love the mind behind them even more, if possible.
Final, very personal and unprofessional score: ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
...like a secret in your throat.
#alexi yaps#mcr#my chemical romance#i brought you my bullets you brought me your love#album review#oh man. this took me two days#as much as i love this album its so hard for me to put my thoughts about it into words#if it was for me the review wouldve been a compilation of me crying and screaming on my hands and knees with the songs in the background#wouldve worked better probably. i think a lot of us wouldve related more to that than whatever the fuck i am on about in this review#also i didnt mention the parallels with revenge because my intention is to talk about the leitmotifs in that review#oh yeah and i didnt talk about the music videos because otherwise it wouldve been way too long. might do it next time though#aaanyway#thank you for listening to me yapping about one of my favorite albums ever!! love ya <3
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writing is such a wild thing because you spend f o r e v e r agonizing over the words in a scene and they still won't be right, but then you go into some thing you've given much less thought to and put the words into it with a kind of carelessness, and then you go back however many daysweeksmonthsyears later and reread and find these unexpected beautiful things
#'spring-crisp' 'why not die in your best shoes?'#i'm not even heavy rereading i'm mostly browsing to see if i have the guts to send this to my new writing buddy who is also my cousin#since it is in fact fanfic and kinda naughty at parts#(no one in real life can know that i have an interest in romance OR fucking)#also like fanfic can and for me is an extremely stylistic thing and that's even MORE embarrassing
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Ughhhhhhh I hate writing and I hate not writing and I hate myself
#nearly bought a digital typewriter today. actually i DID buy a digital typewriter today. officially yes i have bought a digital typewriter.#the money for the digital typewriter has left my account but i have emailed them to cancel the order because i can't in good faith buy#a digital typewriter when i don't fucking WRITE#i thought it might help me get back into it. distraction free and while allowing me to not judge my own writing#and be continuously editing while i write and going 'i'm crap i'm crap i'm crap no one will ever read this and if they do they will think#that i'm garbage and that i should feel bad etc etc etc'#but it's too expensive and i have the feeling i wouldn't even like or use the thing once i got it#because the IDEAS! the ideas aren't coming to me. or rather they are but none of them seem to stick#i feel underconfident in writing any of them#and then i have old projects that i've always wanted to get back to like the tennis romance thing but SO much has changed since i first#started drafting it. like i don't even know if i like the main couple anymore. i kind of want to put both of them with different OCs of min#but it'd switch up the WHOLE story if i had a different cast#in fact most of the problem lies in the fact that i have this long-running bedtime story i tell myself every night with lore#and a massive cast of characters that i switch out depending on who i'm most interested in right now and every so often i incorporate new#themes and ideas and motifs and plot points sometimes based on media i've been watching because it's MY bedtime story and it doesn't matter#if i plagiarise in my own brain. but then obviously i can't plagiarise in real life#and none of my bedtime stories are GOING anywhere. sometimes i only get through a scene or two before i fall asleep#all of which means my bedtime story is not so much a sweeping epic novel but a sitcom with way too many characters#most of which are werewolves to be honest and sometimes for my own wish fulfilment one of them will walk out of my head#and take care of my problems for me by lending me £1million or murdering my best friend's ex. in my mind obviously#so it's like. it's a case of getting in there and annexing off the stuff i think i can use#it's like yeah i've definitely written several romance novels in my head in the process of this but does it matter if they're IN my HEAD#to be honest i feel like my main strength is in creating characters. like i have this one family of werewolves i've been slowly but surely#adding members to since i was like 16. maybe younger? no yeah i think i made the first one when i was 12#they're compelling to ME anyway. i care about them. it's just PLOTS. i can't plot#if a book could just be a lot of dialogue and sex scenes and silly moments and character studies i'd be alright#i also can't describe settings. don't ask me to because i can't#and now i'm just annoyed with myself because i sat down at my laptop to try to write and instead i'm here complaining about how i don't wri#and if i had the digital typewriter... i mean i'd probably still be doing this i'd just no longer have £300#i don't have the £300 anyway. i hope to christ they refund my card i'm a fucking idiot
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karen is MY special white woman. my problematic fave. because i understand why she sucks. i think in order to be allowed to be a karen fan you have to actually understand why she sucks. if you don't understand why she sucks then you're a bad karen fan i think.
#i think one of fhe reasons i dont like many of her fans and what made me feel :| about liking her at first is her many like.#unconditional supporters i think. and i get it. a lot of it comes from how misogynistic ppl are about her. but like. she also sucks mega bad#this is also mostly show fans. not many ppl are talking about her in a comic context. but it's like.#there is a difference from defending her from the very real misogyny against her VS defending her every move#the same way there is a big difference between critiquing her and analyzing her as a character vs straight up misogynist hate#but it's like. oughhhhh not enough of you get her. to be fair despite my jokes i know i cant claim to mega understand her either#but i think i give a lot more thought than some others do about her.#also all her wrongs are honest to god equivalent to many other male characters in this series in terms of ''''Bad Person''''.#but we get more of a focus on it bc she is the love interest.#but like. foggy is also deeply ableist to matt too. and rude as a friend to him for a long time.#and matt sucks so bad himself. and is /deeply/ misogynist for a long time in comics.#they all have their faults and when i think about that im like it really is no sin to like her. bc many other characters in terms of the#things people very validly crit about her. not many others of this cast are better!#and it's fine. bc it's who they are as people in their story. bc this is how real life often is and of course they will not hold the same#beliefs as you the real person who can often know better than them. due to also living in a very different time period from their creations#+ where most of these runs take place.#OKAY IM DONE TLDR I like karen! she sucks! but so does everyone else in this series! so i have let myself learn it is fine#but also. ohhhhh my beef with show karen. very different from my beef with comics karen. i have a lot of very specific beef with show karen#but also. a lot of that comes less from her as a character (MAJORITY OF THE TIME. DEFINITELY TIMES WHERE IT IS OF HER OWN AS A CHARACTER BUT#STILL IMPACTED BY) THE. HM. ATTITUDES OF THAT WRITING ROOM. THE VERY PISS POOR RACIST ATTITUDES OF THAT WRITING ROOM.#so trust me. trust me i doooooo understand the hate. but there is still a hefty majority of misogyny fueled hate about her instead of her#actual character flaws and the beliefs she has and holds and acts on.#but oh a karen lover who hates elektra in show well it makes me wish that blond woman would get laser shot.#but that is besides the point. point is i love comics karen and i think it's interesting to analyze and view her#my romance comic leading lady trapped in a cape comic<\3#static.soundz
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I'm actually still pretty disappointed about the changes that were made to implicate a canon relationship between gortash and the dark urge. you are given so much choice in this game! so it feels shitty that they took away your choice to interpret that dynamic how you'd like.
I had a dark urge campaign that I started and no longer will finish because I don't want that to sully my character's romance with wyll. it angers me enough how wyll is given barely any material for not just his story, but also his romance. like it's so unfair that rather than new material added to wyll's romance, all I was going to get was lines about how my character had a relationship with a fucking fascist. load of shit that is.
#bg3#thoughts about media#I'm deeply upset about things to do with real life that are unrelated to this and that I do not want to talk about.#but justifiably complaining about media I care about? I have a degree in complaining about media. I can do that.#anyway. I had a really cool character planned and now I have to now reinvent him or make a new one.#likely the latter because he doesn't really make sense as a character at all if he's not a bhaalspawn.#and no I refuse to romance someone else. I want to finish wyll's story with the romance involved.#I only recently managed to finish astarion's because I finally got myself to focus enough to finish ONE campaign.#I really wish I had finished two by now. so I could have finished the dark urge and seen what the story was like without any changes.#also no I cannot ignore these changes. I think gort's a GREAT villain. but I don't want to fuck him. I don't get how people DO.#out of the chosen three he's easily the fucking worst and a kind of evil that can't really be understood as “fun” or “fantastical”#whereas ketheric and orin are largely fantastical in what they do and what they represent.#that people cheer over canon durgetash despite the atrocious way larian continues to treat wyll?#I loathe it.#I. have. a few ideas for a new character. I know I want him to have daddy issues because that's what urged me to romance wyll with durge.#boyfriends with daddy issues is not only interesting. but hot. so I want to keep that element.#idk if I'll keep the paladin I made though. or go an entirely different direction.#because in the process of trying to reinterpret my bhaalspawn into a tav...I had a rather clever idea that I'm liking more and more.
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I am...... getting A Little nostalgic for Stardew Valley........ but I know it is SUCH a commitment like if I get back into that shit I'm blacking out for a month. I Cannot Allow It
#GSJAGSKAHSKSJ#i miss .... my goth stay at home malewife and my goth chickens and being the wizard's pet guy#furious and devastated you get nothing for maxing out the wizard's hearts. bullshit.#i wish you could romance the wizard......... i know there's mods but i play console LMFAO#i also miss emily... peak weird woman. she is SO AWESOEM#emily and sebastian were the ones i was split between marrying and i went seb bc i felt deeply#slotted into being a 'cisguy' and. while playing as male absolutely was integral to my transition actually#like the very start of the game i was fucking ruined. grampa nooo don't die AND you respect my identity as your grandson........ WAH#but like. i just needed something queerer. like who you're with doesn't determine who you are#but. i mean. it's MY self-indulgent male fantasy and i need MORE QUEERNESS. EXPLICITLY.#also was sobbing like.... husband AND husband..... holy shit........ gay marriage IS real and so am i .....#got slightly off topic but the fact that i was split between romancing seb or emily and also was EXTREMELY#EXTREMELY EXTREMELY WANTING TO BE THE WIZARD'S PET APPRENTICE SO SO SOOOO BAF#BAD#AND I DESPERATELY WANTED TO HAVE THE OPTION TO ROMANCE HIM#says. something about me. i think.#also my whole ass shane saga. he's not my type but i do absolutely feel for him. we can be buddies. i wish the best for you.#i am primarily motivated by chickens though i am so sorry. i am A Farmer.#IN. THE LOOSEST DEFINITION OF THE FUCKING WORD BC ALL I WAS INTERESTED IN WAS CHICKENS#I HAD SOME CROPS SEASONSALLY BUT. ALL I EVER WANTED. ALL MY HEART DESIRED. CHICKENS#also men long for the mines. and the skull cavern. i was barely a fucking farmer i was dungeon crawling 80% of it.#ALSO. LINUS. I LOVED LINUS I MADE IT MY MISSION IN LIFE TO BEFRIEND LINUS#and ALSO be his pet guy. more platonic this time but like. local young man looking for older men to imprint on#MY GRAMPA JUST FUCKING DIED. AND I'M TRANGENDER. A BRAND NEW MAN. GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!!
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Y'know, there's this gripe I've had for years that really frustrates me, and it has to do with Love, Simon and people joking about it and calling it too-pg and designed-for-straight-people and all the like. (A similar thing has happened to Heartstopper, but that's another conversation.)
I saw Love, Simon in theaters when it came out my senior year in high school. I saw it three times, once with my friends/parents on opening night, once with my brother over spring break, and once with my grandparents.
On opening night, the air in the room was electric. It was palpable. Half the heads in there were dyed various colors. Queer kids were holding hands. We were all crying and laughing and cheering as a group. My friends grabbed my hands at the part where Simon was outed and didn't let go until his parents were saying that they accepted him. My friend came out to me as non-binary. Another person in our group admitted that she had feelings for girls. It was incredible. I left shaking. This was the first mainstream queer romance movie that had ever been produced by one of the main five studios, and I know that sounds like another "first queer character from Disney" bit but you have to understand that even in 2018 this was groundbreaking. Getting to have a sweet queer rom-com where the main character was told that he got "to breathe now" after coming out meant so much to me and my friends.
But also, from a designed-for-straight-people POV (which, to be frank, it was written by a bisexual author and directed by a gay man, this was not designed for straight audiences), why is it a bad thing that it appealed to the widest possible audience? That it could make my parents and grandparents see things in a new light? My stepdad wasn't at all interested in rom-coms but he saw it with me because it was something I cared about and he hugged me when we came out of the theater. My very Catholic grandparents watched it with me and though my grandpa said he still didn't quite understand the whole 'gay thing,' all he wanted was for me to be happy and to have a happy ending like Simon did. My Nana actually cried when Simon came out and squeeze my hand when his mother told him he could breathe.
And when Martin blackmailed Simon, my mom, badass ally that she is, literally hissed "Dropkick him. Dropkick him in the balls" leading to multiple queer kids in the audience to laugh or smile. Having my parents there- the only parents, by the way, out of my group of queer and questioning friends- made multiple people realize that supportive adults were out there. That parents like those in Love, Simon do exist in real life.
When people complain about Heartstopper not being realistic or Love, Simon being too cutesy, I remember seeing Love, Simon on opening night. I remember my friend coming out and my stepdad hugging me and my mom defending us through this character. I remember the cheers that went through the audience when Bram and Simon kissed and the chatter in the foyer after the movie was over and the way that this movie made me understand that happy endings do exist.
Queer kids need happy endings. Straight people need entry points to becoming allies. Both of these things can come together in beautiful ways. They can find out about more queer culture later, but for now, let them have this. Let them all have a glimpse at a better, happier world. Let them have queer joy.
#love simon#simon vs thsa#simon spier#spierfeld#bram greenfeld#my experiences#meta#the importance of queer joy#heartstopper#becky albertalli#my mom also watched rwrb with me last year when it premiered#and let me tell you that was interesting sitting in the room with her for an r-rated romance movie like that
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That AMA marks the end of Dragon Age.
In my opinion.
I'll start by saying that I have played all 3 of the previous games repeatedly, I've loved the series for 15 years, more than half my life. These games inspired me to become a writer and they've shaped a lot of my tastes and interests in shows and writing -- to say they were formative is kind of an understatement. Don't want to go on and on about how much I loved them, that's not the point here.
I didn't care for Veilguard for pretty much all of the reasons people have already discussed at length on Reddit and Tumblr. The writing is comprehensively bad, the romances are easily the worst Bioware has written by pure virtue of having the most cookie-cutter pacing and shallow characterization I've seen across their games, the lore has been shafted in every direction, and the nuanced storytelling and roleplay I came to expect from the series has been taken out back and shot in the head.
All, apparently, in the name of a "clean slate". It seems to me that, rather than familiarizing himself with the existing lore of the game he took the creative reins on, Epler clearly had a vision for Dragon Age (or perhaps a different IP entirely) in his head that he decided to transplant into the game (and possibly Trick? But they've said so little beyond defending their work that I can hardly theorize what direction they were coming from). That being a sanitized, wildly self-contradicting, morally absolute shitshow focused on distancing itself from the previous games as much as possible. Now, I know it's unrealistic to blame one person entirely, and I don't blame him entirely. Corinne was there. Trick was there.
But if it wasn't already evident from the numerous interviews Epler's given on the game as well as his participation in the Q&A's (while the actual lead writer of the game has been completely absent in not just the marketing, but in most fan-related interaction pre and post-launch outside of BSKY), this AMA seems to have confirmed, more than anything else, that Epler doesn't understand the game nor does he understand its audience. Neither does Corinne Busche, who despite being Game Director for only the last two years of development, has been answering lore questions a) like she has any fucking clue and b) like she thinks Dragon Age is a cozy-gamer IP, meant to appeal to people that want uplifting stories with uncontroversial characters, morally upright heroes, and unquestionably evil villains.
So as of today's AMA, I think I've finally had enough. We're just outright retconning the lore in Reddit AMA's now, I guess. Among other things. I'll provide a few examples, just so we're all on the same page.
This was part of Epler's response to why Solas didn't have his cult following in the game (insert "We Kind of Forgot" meme here):
Solas' experience leading the rebellion against the Evanuris turned him against the idea of being a leader. You see it in the memories - the entire experience of being in charge ate at him and, ultimately, convinced him he needed to do this on his own. And his own motivations were very different from the motivations of those who wanted to follow him - he had no real regard for their lives or their goals. So at some point between Trespasser and DATV, he severed that connection with his 'followers' and went back to being a lone wolf.
The fact that this (the not caring bit) directly contradicts the writing in the actual game is absolutely INSANE to me, moreso than the lack of Solas's spy network (which he apparently carried with him for 10 years only to conveniently drop right before the ritual? Because he clearly had them research Rook?). But in regards to the not caring -- here's a line from Solas's memory of killing Mythal in Veilguard, which. I'll get to Mythal in a minute:
Why should I not tear down the Veil, and bring back immortality to all the elven people? They deserve it!
Which is it? Does Solas care about the people he's saving (the venn diagram of people he's saving vs. the people following him is surely a circle, i.e. elves) or not? Does he even care about the spirits trapped behind the Veil anymore or is it just convenient to abandon them and have him only care about elves, now? What happened to saving The People? What happened to him not identifying as an elf in his conversations with a Dalish Inquisitor? And what the absolute fuck happened to him wanting to bring back the magical marvels (that the ancient elves did in fact achieve) that were greater than anything we see in Thedas today? Here's what Epler has to say about elven magic, now:
I do agree that the elves have had their place in the sun at this point. [...] The thing about the Evanuris is that, ultimately, they were able to take a very specific type of magic and shape it into doing what they wanted. But even their understanding of magic was only skin deep [...] Even the magic that Tevinter wields, the magic of the Southern mages, is different from what the Evanuris used. The magic of the Evanuris is powerful but it's sterile, and it's constrained. So while the Evanuris have made magic work in a way that's more predictable and understandable, it's not the only kind of magic out there, and even then, I'd say they understood it at a very surface level. People were confidently describing how the natural world worked back in the 16th century. Very few of them were right.
First of all, Tevinter has been stated in previous games to have clumsily adapted ancient elven magic for their own, but they did adapt it. To the point where even Solas is surprised that Corypheus achieved effective immortality -- by binding himself to a dragon the same way the Evanuris did. So, cool, more contradicting the lore here. "They understood it at a very surface level" you mean when all of the magic of the Fade wasn't locked behind the Veil? You mean when magic flowed freely through the world? What do you mean, Surface Fucking Level? The entire point of the Dalish elf culture is what they lost; this wasn't the ancient elves thinking the sun revolved around the earth, the Veil was their fucking Library of Alexandria burning. Oh my god. I still cannot believe he said this.
And how have the elves had their day in the sun? I'm sorry, was Arlathan not given to... the Veil Jumpers? Instead of the Dalish? What happened to all the Dalish clans in the south, who had no infrastructure when the world was apparently blighted to hell? I guess they're just gone now! They've had their day! The story of the Dalish and the Evanuris is over (also confirmed in this AMA), and it apparently ends with the final snuff of the candle that is their culture. Congratulations, Chantry, you've won! Only took two genocides and a double blight, but we're done with the Dalish now! We get your mind-numbingly superficial factions instead!
What happened to Mythal, by the way? What happened to "She was betrayed as I was betrayed, as the world was betrayed! Mythal clawed and crawled her way through the ages to me, and I will see her avenged!" What happened to the reckoning that will shake the very heavens? John's answer to this:
People grow and change over time. Mythal's essence - and in particular, the fragment of her spirit that Morrigan carries, that she got from Flemeth - is not the same Mythal who he knew millennia ago. Centuries of living in this world and being around the kinds of people Flemeth found herself around - the Hero of Ferelden, Hawke, the Inquisitor - changed her views, and made her realize her own culpability in turning Solas into the kind of person he is now.
Oh, right, okay. So she was pissed for like a thousand years, got her big speech about the impending "reckoning" out 10 years ago, and then she just chilled out because the last 3 heroes were neat people. What a fucking joke. And yes, here is the confirmation that the Evanuris story is over --
The story of the Evanuris is done - the gods are dead (or imprisoned) and Thedas is in a state of flux and uncertainty. I imagine that whatever happens next is going to be a surprise to everyone, including the people of Thedas."
So I guess Mythal's reckoning is never coming. One of the most fascinating characters in the series, shrouded in mystery for those first 3 games, PROMISING US a blaze of glory, only to fizzle out in this one. Again, and I can't emphasize this enough, for Epler's clean fucking slate. And we've not just tied up her story, but also the Veil and the Blight:
When Solas bound himself (or, depending on your ending, was forcibly bound) to the Veil, it severed the connection that the Blight had to the waking world. The reality is that the Veil has been leaking ever since the Magisters first entered the Black City, and the dreams of the Titans gave it its terrible and awesome power. Now that the Veil is fully repaired, the Blight lacks that motive force, and being so close to the epicenter of that change has stripped the Blight in Minrathous of its vitality. It's calcified now - dead - and Bellara/Neve no longer suffer its effects. If they'd been anywhere else, further from that epicenter, it would've likely been different and they still would be looking for a cure.
So the Veil is permanently fixed now because our half-dead Dread Wolf bound himself to it (a decision I still don't understand) and that somehow fixed every single hole ever poked in it. Fully repaired. No more holes, no more "Veil is thin here" because tons of people died in the same spot, nope, we're washing our hands and leaving it (and the spirits) behind us because we've wrapped up both the series-long Veil storyline and the blight storyline in a big red bow.
And Epler tells us Solas not only bound himself to the Veil but fixed it entirely in one fell swoop, no ritual required, just a little slice to the hand. Again, all in the name of a clean slate, so any future installments or media centered around Thedas can turn away from this story.
Then there's this. What we can expect from future installments, I freaking guess. The aforementioned roleplay getting taken out back and shot:
Q: "What lead you to the decision to step away from active conversations with the companions as in previous Bioware games, where you can initiate them at any moment and ask exhaustive questions?"
John: "For us, because of tech limitations, it became a choice between exhaustive investigate conversations, or letting the companions move more freely around the Lighthouse. With the kind of experience we were going for, one where seeing the team grow around you is paramount, we felt that seeing them interact in common spaces (and in each other's rooms) made more sense."
Literally confirmed that they chose companions moving freely about the cabin over ... interacting with them outside the handful of cutscenes we got. Who in their right mind would think this was a good call in a Dragon Age game? A series that quite literally prides itself on complex character interactions and storytelling? So they could... sit in different places? Are you kidding me?
They don't see an issue with the game's reception. They don't have any interest in addressing or responding to criticism. They're either happy with their choices or EA's got a gun pointed at their heads, I'm honestly not sure anymore. I used to believe the latter was true, but looking at both Epler's and Busche's responses today, I'm inclined to believe the former.
So I think that's it for the series. Not that I thought it was going to get another game after this, but on the absolute off chance it did, what would be the point? The best stories were ruined. Anything left they have to tell is going to read a lot like Veilguard -- superficial, morally absolute, flagrantly disrespectful to the lore, and delivered in a very poorly written package.
#bioware critical#dragon age critical#veilguard critical#veilguard spoilers#dragon age the veilguard critical#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard
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the other thing I find very funny about trying to write a canon compliant wol is taking all the wolship hints extremely seriously.
I don't really wolship because I'm just fundamentally not that kind of fan. But I know for those who are, the sheer number of romance hints FFXIV throws at you can be overwhelming to parse in a context where you have a preferred/intended wolship, particularly if you're not attracted to the gender the hints are coming from in the first place (a particular tip of the hat to wlw fans navigating the g'raha of it all). I've seen plenty of people write around them or write them out or be like "no aymeric was for real inviting my wol to a nice platonic zero-subtext dinner," and God bless all of you.
But it's really funny to imagine them all as all-too-real but unreciprocated or perhaps unreciprocatable. The sheer scale of it is comedy. Spoilers for all of FFXIV follow.
Oh God, the Lord Speaker wants to have dinner, just the two of us, at his family estate and not a government building. I hope he doesn't bring up his crush on me. Thal's balls he's about to bring it up—oh thank God there's an emergency. Oh no someone got hurt! Oh no it's the teenage girl with a crush on me.
Your life is a cosmic joke. You watch the Sultana get poisoned and all your friends probably die to save your life and it's kind of all your fault in some ways, I mean at the very least you should've spoken up when they gave the teenager a private army, and then the teenage boy speaks up and is like, "hey, I guess we have at least one ally. What about if we go visit that guy who is really obviously down unbelievably bad for you and wants to lick the sweat off of you." and you have to be like, yeah, Alphinaud. Great idea. Let's do it. I'll call him.
(brief interlude: also haurchefant's DEATH hits so good if you don't reciprocate. It's okay. He gets it. You're going through a lot and even if you had time to sort through your feelings maybe you're just not into him. That would be okay! You can love someone, or the idea of someone, without needing it to be romantically reciprocated. That's chivalric, even. Knightly. So he won't ask you to lie to him and say you love him as he lies dying in your arms. He's not so low as all that. But could you smile for him as you used to? That true hero's smile of yours. And you do, and he dies. And you both know he died for a lie, in a way, or a flight of fancy. And he's okay with that. Are you? Should you be? Should he?)
Then you're into Stormblood and it's like wow, okay. That last part was all high fantasy, of course there were loyal knights and elegant princes. But this is war. Imperialism. Grim business, surely there's no way—oh no BOTH handsome young revolutionary leaders seem to have a special interest in you?! And so does the Crown Prince of the Empire? Come on, man. I should get to do the whole horrors of war thing without having to also deal with this. Gaius sucked and it was weird that he let his foster daughter run around being openly obsessed with him but at least he never made it my problem.
You can't even get away from it across dimensions. Shadowbringers is a horror story about going on a teambuilding camping trip with your work colleagues for some reason except they all suddenly got really hot and they keep touching you affectionately on the shoulder and being like "I care for you and your happiness. Truly." And also you're being stalked for the whole camping trip by two old men who are obsessed with you. The false climax of the story is that the one old man tries to betray you and give a dramatic monologue about how he loves you but the two of you are doomed by the narrative and then the other old man shoots him in the back like "no actually its MY turn to betray them and give a dramatic monologue about how our love is doomed by the narrative." Then the real climax is old man #1 backstabbing old man #2 in the middle of said monologue before old man #2 dies and gives ANOTHER wistful monologue about his doomed love. Then for the patches they're like okay so we have this even CRAZIER old man who's gonna strike when you're weak and give a dramatic monolo—
and that's without even getting into the literal soulmate ghost only you can see
my warrior of light never felt more betrayed than in that scene where Y'shtola is like "haha Alisaie and G'raha have crushes on the warrior of light." Like I thought we were COOL, Y'shtola! I work here! This situation is already in such a delicate balance! Right when I got here I met Alisaie's "friend from work" who was like oh haha so YOU'RE the one she can't stop talking about and we never followed up on that because the woman died horrifically like five minutes later right in front of us! Then when Vauthry got away and we had to do all that shit with the dwarves, G'raha kept pausing every ten minutes to be like oooooh I'm so old I'm gonna die soon...at least I got to spend some time with some people who are really important to me...in fact here's what I'd tell the person who's most important to me...actually u know them really well haha. And I just had to sit there and be like wow, dude, crazy.
even in the face of apocalypse you still gotta go back in time like 12,000 years and there's somewhere there who makes you sit and listen to his story which is that the purpose of his whole godlike immortal life was to be in a throuple with you and old man #2 from the camping trip. and you just gotta sit there the whole time knowing you/your past life is the one who broke up the throuple over politics. He's like come help me harangue the old man into streaking in public, he'll do it if you ask.
then you meet and fight and kill God and you gotta turn to the team and be like hey sorry guys can you give me a sec. I'm gonna call God by her real name because we met one time for like four days and after that the promise of meeting me again was one of the things that sustained her through her millennia of suffering. Not like that but like. Idk. Just gimme a sec!
It's a relief when you finally get to Lahabrea and he's like actually I still don't fuck with your vibe. Like thank GOD.
And my WoL is very obviously dad-shaped so Dawntrail had a very specific energy for me but I understand that for plenty of people your deepening rapport with Wuk Lamat had a romantic subtext (same for Koana depending on how you read a few of his lines). And personally I think it's the height of comedy to be like, noooo, babe, your highness, I know you and your brother the king are in love with me and want me to stick around and support you emotionally through this governmental transition haha. But it's just...the cursed wineglass, babe. I GOTTA go figure out what's up with this cursed wineglass.
It's a running gag in some of the more optional content that people are like "you have an unreasonable number of hobbies and side gigs" to the WoL from time to time. But if every time you tried picking up a new hobby some new elf started baring their soul to you, you too would be like Hey Jessie (or sometimes Krile or Tataru), my good friend who is one of the only people in my life who knows what professional ethics and work-life boundaries are, any chance you need muscle on a gig on the other side of the world? Ideally with only Cid and his ex so all libidinal energy in the room is directed towards machinery or someone who isn't me?
ironically one of the only places you get a break from psychosexual obsession is the nier content
#ffxiv#endwalker spoilers#dawntrail spoilers#shadowbringers spoilers#heavensward spoilers#stormblood spoilers#meta: durai report#warrior of light ffxiv
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make me — ksy
♡ pairing: kwon soonyoung x afab!reader ♡ theme: smut [18+ mdni], humor ♡ wc: 1.8k ♡ warnings: alcohol consumption, oral (m. receiving, f. receiving implied), handjob, hoshi is obsessed w boobs, hoshi is a simp, i ramble on about star wars for a bit at the beginning ♡ a/n: might have to do a pt. 2 to this one so lmk if anyone is interested in that 👀
“No it’s not.”
“Yes, it is!!”
“Soonyoung. Be so fucking for real right now.”
Your roommate doesn’t usually drink, and you’re starting to see why. Two Jack & Cokes and he’s fucking gone already.
“I’m telling you y/n, The Rise of Skywalker is so fucking good. You should stop being a haterrrr,” he says, inches away from your face as he leans over to you, nearly pushing you off the couch. You’ve never been this physically close to him, though you’ve certainly thought about it (more than once). Your heart flutters from the proximity of his lips to yours, but you have more important matters at hand right now.
“I didn’t say I hated it, it’s just not that good compared to all the other Star Wars movies!”
He picks up his drink again. You stop him before he can take a sip, handing him a glass of water instead.
“Well how would I know? I haven’t seen the other movies.”
“WHAT?!”
He takes a big gulp of the water. “I’ve only seen the new ones,” he admits with a shrug.
“Oh my god,” you mumble, resting your forehead against your palm in exasperation. You grab the remainder of his beverage and drink it all in one go.
This argument isn’t that serious of course - you just need to calm your nerves a bit, considering Soonyoung has now placed your hand on your thigh as he blabbers on.
“Besides, seeing Kylo Ren and Rey finally kiss was great. I cheered.”
“You’re a fucking REYLO SHIPPER??”
“A what?” He blinks at you with heavy eyelids. “I don’t speak that language.”
“Kylo Ren and Rey made a terrible couple, it’s literally toxic. The plot between them should’ve never been a romance.”
“But I like romance!” he practically shouts in your face. You’ve always enjoyed bantering with Soonyoung for fun, but the alcohol in both of your systems is definitely upping the ante. You’ve seen him act ridiculous plenty of times before, but he’s on another level today.
“It’s fucking Star Wars, it doesn’t need romance!!” you shout back.
“Well I think it does!” he states indignantly.
“What do you know?? You haven’t seen the other movies!!”
“So I can’t have an opinion??”
“NO??”
“Why are you being so mean to meeeee,” Soonyoung whines, making big sad puppy dog eyes at you. “I’ve never done anything wrong in my life.”
“You’re literally insane. Get off of me!” you shout as he leans over onto you, practically clinging onto you in his drunken stupor.
He ignores you, getting even more up in your face. “You’re just mad because I have better taste in movies than you.”
“Will you just shut the FUCK UP???”
“MAKE ME!”
You pause, staring at him for a few moments too long. He stares back at you, confusion spreading across his face. Then-
You kiss him.
Your lips press softly against his for only a few moments. You pull back, looking at your roommate eye to eye, watching his inebriated brain trying to process what just happened. As if a lightbulb goes off above his head, it suddenly clicks. He swallows nervously.
“What was that for?” he hesitantly asks, barely more than a whisper.
“I…” you start, but quite honestly you don’t know where that came from. Sure, you’ve found Soonyoung attractive since the day you met him - and sure, living with him has led to a few domestic fantasies here and there. But you are friends, nothing more - your boundaries are unspoken, but clearly established.
Or so you thought.
Soonyoung’s dark eyes stare into yours. Panic alarms are going off in your head. You fucked up you fucked up you fucked up oh god you fucked up big time…
“I’m so sorr-”
You don’t get to finish that sentence. Soonyoung’s mouth aligns with yours, kissing you hungrily, his hands grasping onto your arms. Shock reverberates through your body as he makes out with you, his hands sliding to your back, pulling your body close against his as his tongue pokes at your lips, requesting entrance. You let him in. He squeezes you even tighter against him as he kisses you like his life depends on it.
After what felt like about a thousand years, you break apart, barely - his lips hovering mere inches in front of yours. The look he gives you is one you’ve never seen him make before - he gazes at you like you’re the most delicious thing he’s ever seen, and he wants to devour you.
You try to speak, but nothing comes out. You’re simply dumbstruck.
“You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to do that,” he mutters as his hands drop to your hips, still holding onto you for dear life.
“You… like me?”
You silently curse yourself at how dumb you sound. Asking him if he likes you, as if you were in fucking middle school.
“Yeah,” he replies emphatically. “I really really really like you.”
Your head spins, the intoxication doing nothing to help you process this information.
“Um… since when?”
Soonyoung is still drunk as hell, but he speaks clear as day.
“Short answer, since we moved in together.”
You wait for him to elaborate. He doesn’t.
“And the long answer?”
He shifts awkwardly, doing a very poor job of trying to hide his boner.
“Middle of July. It was hot as balls. I woke up that morning to you making pancakes. You were wearing a light blue tank top with nothing underneath, and-” he trails off. You raise an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to go on.
“And my god, your boobs looked perfect. The pancakes smelled good, but all I wanted was your tits in my mouth.”
His hand delicately trails up to your breasts, where he is currently staring, taking one of them and squeezing it. He lets out a soft groan as he does.
“Fuck, even better than I imagined.”
“Is that why you took so long to come out for breakfast that day?” you say as your fingertips glide over his thigh, moving toward the very obvious bulge that has formed in his pants. You grab his cock through the fabric. He practically yelps as you begin to caress it slowly.
“Y-yeah,” he answers, his voice going up an octave, practically melting under your touch.
“So you’re saying that you went and jerked off while you thought of my tits.”
“Um,” he tenses up nervously, realizing what he’s just admitted to.
Before he can say anything else, you take your shirt off, leaving you in just your bra. If his eyes could physically pop out of his head on a pair of springs, they’d be doing just that right now.
You unclasp the hook, removing the undergarment and tossing it aside. He gawks at you - his cock twitches under your palm. You begin to stroke his length, but he immediately grabs your hand to stop you.
“I’ll cum in my pants if you keep doing that.” He’s still staring at your chest.
“Where would you rather cum?”
“I- what?” He looks up at you, his eyes darting between your mouth and your eyes, then back to your boobs, then back to your mouth.
“Okay then,” you say as you slide off the couch.
“What’re you-” he asks, but freezes as you position yourself between his legs. His body tenses as you undo his belt, quickly unfastening the button and yanking the zipper down. The rock hard bulge protrudes through the fabric of his underwear, begging to escape. You pull the band down, freeing his already-leaking cock. You take the length in your hands, giving it a few slow strokes. He sinks into the couch with a loud groan.
“Oh my god,” he mumbles, your touch sending him to another planet.
With a swirl of your tongue you lap up the precum dripping from his tip, causing him to let out the biggest whine. You wrap your lips around the head, slowly taking his length into your mouth.
“Fuckkkkkkk, y/n…”
He lets out a gasp as you swallow him to his base. He places one hand softly upon your head as you begin to move your mouth up and down his cock. Within seconds he is a moaning, blubbering mess.
“Feels so good baby, oh god don’t stop. You’re so fucking hot oh my god… fuckkkk…”
You increase your pace. Between moans he continues praising you, whining and whimpering, begging you for more. The man simply cannot shut up about how good you’re sucking him off.
And it’s making you so incredibly wet right now.
You want to touch yourself so badly, but your priority is pleasuring Soonyoung. And judging by the way he is wriggling under you, bucking his hips and fucking his cock into your throat, unintelligibly babbling as he moans your name - you’re doing a pretty damn good job.
“Oh fuck,” he cries out. “Fuck, y/n, gonna cum…”
The words are barely out of his mouth before hot white ropes are hitting the back of your throat. He grips onto your hair as he cums, cock pulsating in your mouth as he rides out his high. As he comes down, he collapses into the sofa - you slowly pull your mouth off of him, making a show of swallowing all of his cum.
“Jesus fucking Christ, y/n…”
You climb back up onto the couch. He immediately leans in and starts kissing you.
“Thank you,” he murmurs between kisses.
“Are you seriously thanking me for sucking your dick?”
He shrugs as he wraps his arms around your waist. “You just gave me the best head of my life, least I can do is say thanks.”
“Actually,” he corrects himself right away, “I take that back. If you’ll let me, can I… may I please eat you out?”
You burst out laughing. He looks at you, puzzled.
“Sorry, if you don’t want-”
“No no no,” you tell him, still laughing. “It’s not that, I’ve just never had anybody ask me so politely like that before.”
His face lights up, hopeful. “So can I?” he pleads enthusiastically. “Pleaseeeeeeee? Please please please?”
You lean your head into his shoulder, giggling like an idiot.
“Soonyoung, you are truly one of a kind.”
He gently grabs your chin, tilting your head up until you are eye to eye. His nose presses into yours.
“Is that a yes?”
You smile as you kiss him.
“Yes, it’s a yes.”
He practically leaps off the couch, startling you. He grabs your hand, pulling you up and directing you toward his bedroom.
“Wait,” he says as he pauses. He looks at you very seriously.
“My room or yours?”
“Don’t care,” you respond eagerly.
He grins. “Yours, then.”
—
#ren's fics ੈ♡₊˚•.#hoshi#kwon soonyoung#hoshi smut#hoshi fics#hoshi imagines#hoshi scenarios#svt smut#svt fics#svt imagines#svt scenarios#seventeen smut#seventeen fics#seventeen imagines#seventeen scenarios#hoshi x reader#svt x reader#seventeen x reader#seventeen hard hours#svt hard hours
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2023 reads
The Deep Sky
scifi mystery thriller
on a deep space mission traveling from an environmentally devastated earth with hope to restart humanity elsewhere
when they’re halfway, an explosion kills 3 crew and pushes them off course
the only witness is the Alternate who has no specific role, and she has to figure out who caused it & if they might continue to sabotage, while they're figuring out a way to get back on course with limited resources
flips between present and the past: of her childhood and training for the mission, her identity struggles, and relationship with her mother
questions the ethics of ‘restarting’ humanity elsewhere vs putting resources into fixing earth
#the deep sky#yume kitasei#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#i really loved this!!!!!#very intense but also a lot of interesting character introspection#love the virtual reality AI aspect!!!! though I do feel like. in the end I was expecting it to go way further with it?#(basically like instead of seeing the inside of the ship all the time they can 'be' in forests or aquariums or whatever)#no romance#(there’s side lesbians; and one flashback scene where she briefly wonders about kissing a random person; that's it)#emotional core about her mother and brother and best friend !!#i like that it gets into the flaws of 'humanity's last hope on another planet' bc like. yeah in real life things....don't work like that...#why is there zero acknowledgement that the concept of every one of them being expected to give birth being extremely fucked up?#like obviously everyone on board is there because they agreed with that but there’s not a single flashback of#when they found out that information; or mention of someone questioning it...#(for example a character mentions that they hid their mental health/use of a therapy animal bc they wouldn't have been let in and the -#eugenics around that is iffy to say the least)#but to me. pregnancy is horrifying and nobody questioning that was weird.#also there’s supposedly 80 people on board but we get to know less than 10 of them which felt a bit strange at points#Also! I love the cover. I can’t find the designer (the book info only credits the internal lllustrator..)#also: bird facts!
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I would like to address a recent trend I am seeing pop up in the yandere community. I feel that people are kind of pointing fingers at each other trying to decide who is more morally correct than the other. And I find it a little silly. We're here for hot stalkers. None of us are consuming moral fiction.
I sympathize with Fantasia and the backlash she is getting because of her recent update to her game. I still stand by my belief that devs should write what they want before they let themselves be influenced by outside opinions. It is her choice and her game first and foremost. Not to mention it's her first one and being thrown in the spotlight while you're making your first game is a pretty horrible experience. Because you don't know much about the process of making games or what you even ultimately may want to do with your game. It's a trial and error type of thing. And you can't make everyone happy. I still support her and encourage her on her creative journey and I hope the finished game is something she will be proud of.
I also understand that the game originally looked like a yandere romance game and it did not turn out to be that. So people are upset and feel betrayed. Some have spent money thinking they'd enjoy it and the recent update may have changed that. I understand, but I ask them to be understanding themselves and give their feedback without harassing or insulting the dev.
At the same time, I'm observing some weird new mentality in this attempt to support Fantasia. Now, we are claiming that "realistic" yanderes are superior? And that people who enjoy softer yanderes are delusional idiots who don't belong in the yandere fandom? And don't get me started on the word "romanticize." Can we please stop the holier than thou attitude?
We are all in this pig den together. We are all muddy. We are all consuming dark content. One isn't more moral than the other. You are free to prefer yanderes who are cruel and awful and psychotic, but do not belittle the devs and fans who prefer a softer alternative. If someone outside the yan fandom were to look at us, they'd judge us all the same: people who like toxic obsessive love interests. We all know real life stalkers are bad. I am afraid of them everyday. None of us are delusional children and it's insulting and ridiculous to claim so.
Likewise, it's a little silly to claim you can't have darker content in dark fiction. Dark fiction is here to explore the awful parts of humanity without having to worry about morality. It does not reflect on the type of person the creator is. It does not make them an advocate for murder, stalking or sa.
Please be mature. If you wish to criticize, do so in a well thought out way. Do not simply throw around words.
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Dark Romance
Astrology Observations
-❤️Birth chart placements showing "words of affirmation" as a love language: ❤️
Moon, Venus or Mercury in air signs
Virgo/Gemini/Leo placements
Mercury in the air houses, 3rd, 7th, 11th
7th house in gemini, libra, aquarius
Gemini, LIbra, Aquarius Rising
Venus - Mercury aspects
Moon - Mercury aspects
Sun - Mercury aspects
Virgo/Sagittarius and Gemini placements can be good writers. They can be good at writing on any topic. If you ever decide to write a dark romance book, you can have success alongside that
I observed that for earth & water placements especially Venus and Moon is very important to show that you care and have time for them, dont cancel things with them since they may overthink you dont pay that much attention to the relationship
Scorpio, Aquarius and Capricorn placements especially Venus/Mars/Moon value loyalty a lot in their romantic relationships, they are also value trust in their relations as well
Taurus Sun/Moon/Mars may love to be surprised by their partners with love gifts/does not have to be something fancy or expensive. Just make sure they appreciate it
Venus in the 6h/Venus at 6 or 18 degrees/Venus in Virgo are adorable in a love relatinship, they will always pay attention to everything!! They can offer to do romantic things for you as a gift of their adoration for you
Venus in the 12H or Venus at 12, 24 degrees can have dreams about their partners or future potential partners, they can dream about being into a relationship like in movies
Venus aspecting Pluto in my opinion is the definition of dark romance, this aspect can often make the native to fall in love with "villain" type of partners, or the "bad guys", not the stereotypes but the true meaning of them
South Node aspecting Venus in my opinion is like you try to find your love in every life you have, past or present always searching for that "one"
Pisces/Libra/Taurus Moon/Mars/Venus/7th house need romanticisim in their relationship, they are nothing without the feeling of love in their lives. They can always give the same energy back
Leo/Virgo/Cancer Moon/Mars/Venus/7th house need someone they can rely on in their relationships, a partner you can always count on, someone supportive and proud for being your partner
Capricorn/Aquarius/Aries Moon/Mars/Venus/7th house need a love partner who can see the good in them even when they fail, someone they can go through the challenges of life, someone they can grow old with
Scorpio/Gemini/Sagittarius Moon/Mars/Venus/7th house need someone who lasts, someone who will always choose them, someone who is worthy to love with all of your heart and soul, a love partner who will always put you first
Jupiter aspecting in good aspects Venus natives can have really beautiful and blessed love relationships, you can feel the luckiest with them, truly a real fantasy
Pluto/Neptune/Uranus and Saturn in the 7H give the vibe of "You did all of these just to find the love you always deserved". Generational planets last long and are secured
Moon/Mercury/Mars and venus in the 5H give beautiful creative relationships, someone you can always learn from, someone you can create beautiful things togther
Sun in the 4H husbands will give their life and soul for their family/kids, they will be the best husbands to everyone and kind of like a fahter example to others
If they have their Mars in the same sign as your Venus you can feel both of an attraction and denial to eachother, like you know that you love them but in a way you wanna keep it away too
Mars in Sagittarius/9H or at 9, 21 degrees will be down for whatever you want to do, they love trying new things and love to live the experience together with their partners
LIlith aspecting Sun can create a sort of mystery around people and secret admires, like you can never know if someone has an interest in you because of this secretive aura
Your MARS SIGN can be attracted over the body part its zodiac sign rules over:
For exmaple cancer mars attracted to the chest
leo mars attracted to the upper back/back
capricorn/aquarius legs zone
scorpio mars genital zone
aries mars to the face zone
taurus/gemini to the neck/ears/hands
pisces mars to the feet (No kink shame)
sag mars to the hips/thighs
virgo mars to the belly zone/waist
libra mars to the butt
5H Placements especially mercury, venus or moon can get in relationships young, is that "high school" love, gemini/virgo over the 5h can as well
Having a partner who has 8H placements especially Jupiter/uranus/venus and mercury is so HOT! Dominant energy yet always lovely to their partners!!
Uranus in the 5h/8H can make people interseted in your sexual life, sexuality, kinks, things that turn you on and so many others,,,some got no shame at all
Uranus in 2h or the 6h loves a good damn physcal touch!, they will love being touched everywhere but i feel they mostly like to give hugs and kisses
Lilith aspecting Neptune can give sexual fantasies/illusions, they can have lots of sexual dreams as well in harsh aspects these can be too intense
Lilith aspecting Jupiter can have a very high libido/sexual life or they may seek/look for that in the future, especially in harsh aspects can make the naitve a "nympho"
3H placements like mars/venus or even pluto can give someone a car/motorbike love fantasy for example making love in the car, or idk kisisng on your partners motorbike is something that is usually involved with these
Pluto or Neptune in the 8H can make the native sexual obsessed or obsessed with sexual tendency! It can go or transform into an addiction over time
9H placements can make good family bounds with their partners family. esp a good sister or brother in law, in case of marriage it can bring more abundency to both natives life
11H love placements like venus,moon/juno can easily have those "friend to lovers" relationship and i knowww this have been said for too long so lets switch a bit, they can create a very deep bound with their partners, i think ppl with these placements fight less or have less arguments because they understand each-other so good, if venus or moon has good aspects it can turn into a really good relationship
I heard some bloggers saying that Saturn in the 7H can be a boring love relationship placement and i felt like i need to say something about this because i dont think is that easy to have this placement in the 1st place, is something that grows overtime and usually gives more results when you become an adult, it gives a good amount or resurance about your partner, for some people even a sucessful relationship, a good bounding with them, more maturing relationships, and a very supportive spouse. I dont think any placements are boring in love topics. Maybe is just the process of waiting for that one person that can be "boring"
People who have scandals or dramas around their relationship can have Libra Mars or mars in the 7H because, is usually coming from other people rather than the partner or relationship itself, is more like people trying to break up your relationship, thats why some people choose to keep their relationships private
In a womans chart, the sun can also represent 2nd marriages or 2nd relationships in case there are some. It is mostly for those who have been divorced
Mercury in harsh aspects to Venus or Moon can make you feel like youre gonna embarass yourself in front of your partner, which is mostly not the case, never be afaird to show your fully self to your partner because if they are right one they will aceept all your silly sides
Friday 11th 🤎🤎 sounds so dark for some reason, and I love it!!! Hope you all have a good Friday and weekend as well
#dark#october#halloween#astrology#astro observations#birth chart#astro notes#astrology observations#placements#astro community#horoscope#ascendant#astro.com#astroblog#astroseek#astrocom#astrologers#astronote#astro#astro placements#dark astrology#dark aura#dark fantasy#red#mood#vibe#harmoonix
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