#(merrin was checking him out)

[jessicas-pi]

Soulmates AU as playing cards, part two: Copper Crests and Silver Stripes

click for better quality!

[hxney-lemcn]

Reunions and Resolved Misunderstandings — Cal Kestis x gn! reader

summery: feeling like an outcast, you're the first one to leave the Mantis' crew. years later, you stumble across Cal once again and old feelings end up bursting to light in the worst of ways. At the very least, misunderstandings are finally cleared.

tw: mentions of killing/assassination (readers past), hurt/comfort, slight spoilers for the beginning of Jedi Survivor.

a/n: I got to the kiss in Jedi Survivor and inspiration struck. I can see how every Cal fic is about 4k words long, its hard not to write so much for him lmao.

wc: 3.1k

Master List

It had been as clear as day. The connection between Cal and Merrin was undeniable. It made your stomach churn. You were with Cere and Greez when you saved him from Bracca and had been glued to his side ever since…that was until Merrin joined. Don’t get me wrong, you loved her and was glad to offer her a new home…but every time your eyes landed on the two you felt your heart twist. In response to this new development you distanced yourself. Tried to smile past the ache in your heart and enjoy what you had. But it was hard, and it didn’t help that Cere and Greez seemed to know of your predicament. 

It hurts, seeing the man you loved, who came to you for medical treatment, or would count on you to watch his back, to slowly slip through your fingers. His green eyes that used to sparkle when landing on you had now turned to look at Merrin. How his lingering touches had all but vanished, leaving your skin feeling colder than normal. What made you feel even worse were your thoughts of leaving. Cal wasn’t your only priority, you had Cere, Greez, Merrin…but everytime you found yourself forgetting about the pain it seemed to always hit once more full force. 

This is how you found yourself packing your things…not that you had much. Just some extra clothes, some photos of your crew, and some gifts that BD-1 and Cal had given you. Double checking your blaster, daggers, knives, and the case that held your sniper, you found yourself contemplating if you really wanted to go through with this. That was when you realized you couldn’t handle watching the one you love end up in someone else’s arms, it was easier to leave altogether. As quietly as you could, you made your way through the Mantis, memories of your friends, almost family popped up every so often. 

With the ship lights off, you couldn’t be more thankful for your specialized contact lenses. Everyone was sleeping in their quarters…or at least they were supposed to be. You froze as you ran into Greez, and as his gaze landed on you he seemed to deflate. 

“You’re really just gonna leave like that?” He asked, his voice low to keep from accidentally waking anyone up. 

“I’m sorry,” You murmured, not able to look in his direction. “I just…”

“I get it kid,” He sighed. “The others won’t be so happy, but I’m glad I caught you on the way out.”

“I’m glad to have met you all,” You tried to console, but you weren’t sure if you were trying to console Greez or yourself. “I’ll be forever grateful to you and Cere for saving me. Here,” Taking out a piece of paper, you handed it to the Latero. “It's a note, I know the way I’m leaving is shitty, but I couldn’t leave without letting you guys know it was voluntary.”

With that, you disappeared into the night, trying your hardest not to look back.

~~~

You were the first one to leave, and soon Cal found himself watching his crew leave him one by one. He was heartbroken when Greez read aloud the note you left behind, wishing them all the best, and how you were going to a rebel base not too far from where they were. He didn’t understand why you left, or how everyone had accepted it so easily. He wished he could’ve seen you one last time, to ask you why, to plead for you to stay. When Greez finally bought Pyloon Saloon, Cal found himself resenting you slightly. You seemed to be the catalyst for everyone's departure. You were all so happy, why did you have to leave them? Why did you have to leave him? 

When he thought back of his time with you, he felt like he was choking. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw you, or what you last spoke about. Had you scolded him for getting injured? Did you laugh with him over a silly scenario with BD? Or was it that lonely gaze you sent him as he joked with Merrin, not paying any mind to you. Are you happy now? Have you made new friends? Have you found someone to confide in? Cal’s heart hurt no matter how he spun his head around you. Don’t get him wrong, he missed the entire crew. He missed Greez’s cooking, Merrin’s dry humor, Cere…but somehow he found himself missing you the most. How you cared for him so gently after he’d get hurt, how you’d listen to his problems and give advice that seemed far beyond your years. How even if you weren’t used to touch, you’d still allow him to hug you after a long, stressful mission.  Even with his new crew, he still felt that hollow void that the old crew left in him. No matter how lovely they were, how deeply he cared about them, he couldn’t help but reminisce of the good old days. Trapped in the past that seemed golden. Cal thought that he had been imagining you at first. Depressed after a harsh mission on Coruscant that wiped out his entire crew, seeking solace at Pyloon Saloon with Greez, he hadn’t thought he’d find you here. He felt like he’d stumbled upon an oasis after stumbling through the desert. Have you always looked so ethereal? Smiling so sweetly as you talked with Greez. You looked different, hair a new length, more mature, happier…have you always looked this happy?

Cal was snapped out of his stupor as both you and Greez turned to face the jedi. He almost got lost once more, wanting to drown in your gaze. He missed the soft way you’d look at him, how he felt cared for and loved with your eyes alone. Instead of that sweet look he was used to, your eyes filled with panic, your posture awkward as you curled in on yourself. The same way you’d react to a stranger. It felt like the dagger you’d always hide in your boot had managed to pierce through his heart. As Greez greeted Cal, you watched on the sidelines, sipping your drink as you tried to hide from Cal’s piercing gaze. 

How long has it been since you last saw Cal? It’s been quite a while. You had only planned on catching up with Greez, as you both left on the best of terms, and although Greez tried to assure you that Cal and the others still cared about you and weren’t angry, he seemed a bit hesitant. So essentially you were scared, scared of the repercussions of your own actions. Running away could only take you so far, and if you ran enough you’d end up right where you started. And you ended up running straight back to the problem of why you left. Your body tensed as Cal took a seat beside you, not aware he had already finished talking with Greez. Anxiously, you peered up at the red haired man through your eyelashes, unsure how to take his blank gaze, or the way your name gently fell past his lips.

“How have you been?” Cal asked. He couldn’t wrap his head around the various emotions you managed to stir up. Sadness, bitterness, longing, anger, regret. 

You shrugged, looking down at your drink as you stirred it, “I’ve been alright. Doing runs for the rebellion and all that. Thought I’d take a short break to check in on the old geezer.” Cal chuckled slightly, wishing for the awkwardness to dissipate, wishing for what you had to come back. “How about you?” 

“Could be better,” He hums, eyes never leaving the side of your face. Drinking in your profile as you shied away. You could tell something had happened, there was a darkness in his eyes, that shine you remember had dulled and you felt your heart break. He didn’t elaborate past that, and you knew better than to pry. A short silence washed over you, awkward, but Cal felt his heart thrum steadily. “I missed you.” You couldn’t stop yourself from looking up to him in shock, mouth slightly agape as you struggled to wrap your head around the vulnerable moment.Pushing past the way you wanted to run, having closed yourself off once again after you left the Mantis, you once again found yourself struggling to let yourself be vulnerable. But the sad puppy-like eyes Cal was sending you made you push past that, mumbling that you missed him in return.

“Why did you leave?” He asked the question you hoped to never go over. 

Once again you found yourself battling the raised walls you put up, unsure if you wanted to actually confess the true reason. Instead, you settled for a watered down version. “I guess I felt a bit left out. Like an outsider I suppose. So I decided it was best for me to leave…” 

“Left out…?” Cal couldn’t help but repeat in a whisper. Guilt suddenly consumed him, his brain finding every time he remembered seeing you on the sidelines, smiling at the moment you had witnessed. Or how you’d slink away, no one trying to stop you as they all laughed about something he couldn’t even remember. It…it was his fault.

“It’s none of your guy’s fault,” You consoled, a bitter smile lining your lips. “I should’ve spoken up about how I felt, instead I ran away like a coward.”

“But I should’ve noticed-” You quickly shut him up with a swift kick to the shin and a lighthearted glare. He gave an overdramatic wince as your kick could barely be described as a kick, more of a light tap. But he felt his heart warm as you were once again slowly opening up to him. 

“Not. Your. Fault.” You spoke sternly. “You always were so quick to take the blame.”

“Wanna help me find a gyro module for old times sake?”

~~~~

You forgot how easy it was to love Cal Kestis. That night when you left, you knew you’d always love him, he has his own special spot in your heart. But over the years those feelings were buried under layers, like sediment. Whether it be adrenaline from missions, celebration with new friends, or the death of a crew member, you find yourself focusing on other aspects of life. You hadn’t planned on running into the now infamous jedi, but even so, you hadn’t expected those old feelings to rupture forth like an exploding volcano. His boyish smile sends shockwaves to your heart. His gentle touch helping you drop down a small cliff makes you yearn to give him a hug and melt in his arms. His compliments on your skills making you puff your chest a little. It's scary how one person has so much control over your feelings, but you also miss the feeling. 

It all comes hurtling down at once when he starts going on a tangent about Merrin. It started with you asking about her and Cere, and now he won’t shut up about her growth in the time you left. You felt stupid, stupid that your heart still managed to cling to the hope that he’d felt more for you in some way. Of course he only loved you as a friend, and you were grateful, but also downtrodden. Though this time Cal seemed to pick up on your spaced out look, gently calling your name.

“What’s wrong?” Cal asked like the caring person he was.

You snapped out of your little bubble you didn’t even realize you put yourself in, bringing your gaze to the concerned one of your friend. “Nothing, I’m glad she’s doing well,” You said with a strained smile. It was left at that as both you and Cal explored Koboh, avoiding raiders to the best of your ability. Exploring the Basalt Forest, you found yourself looking at your surroundings in awe. You loved exploring different planets, watching the flora and fauna interact, from ice planets that had plants still managing to cling to life to desert planets that had a variety of animals that had adapted to the harsh climate. If you hadn’t been taught to kill from a young age and forced to be an assassin, you would’ve loved to have been a researcher. 

Unbeknownst to you, Cal was silently watching you fawn over every little thing you stumbled upon. Pointing out a bug you’ve never seen before or trying to pet those birdlike creatures that would try to charge at you. He could only watch in awe, seeing you in a completely new light. He never fully comprehended that you had a love for wildlife, or just anything that wasn’t human at that. You had always fawned over BD, leaving him feeling a bit left out, but happy the little droid made you happy. And now seeing you do the same for any animal, plant, and even some bugs…he never knew the extent of your love. Making him realize that this entire time, he only knew you through the lens he set for you. A very Cal centric lens. 

Has he ever really known you? All of you? There’s only one way to find out, and that was to get to know you. All of you. From your best aspects to your worst flaws. And as you both sat on the edge of a cliff, Cal couldn’t stop himself from watching you. The way the sun shone down on you, from your hair shining brilliantly to the way the sun made your eyes pop, he couldn’t get enough of you. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and Cal couldn’t agree more. His eyes followed as a small gust of wind blew your hair out of place, and without a second thought, he gently brushed your hair back in place, admiring your startled look. 

So many emotions overtook him. There was a warmth to your presence, whether that be through the force or not. In fact, he didn’t really care, he just wished he’d never have to be devoid of the feeling again. And as you looked at him, neither of you backing down from your little stare off, Cal felt something selfish grow within him. He wanted you to join him again, he wanted you to be there to patch him up like before, to fight by his side, to hold you close for comfort. In fact, he can’t remember why he stopped doing that, why he let you both get distant. As these selfish thoughts and desires grew, he couldn’t stop his eyes from dropping to look at your lips, they looked oh so inviting. 

You felt your heart skip a beat as Cal’s eyes dropped for a few seconds. No, no this wasn’t right. He clearly loved Merrin, so why was he staring at you like you had hung the stars and moon? Why was he leaning in closer? Why could you feel his breath hit your face, why is he closing his eyes? This is what you’ve always wanted, so why were you panicking? Why did you push him away, causing him to give a hurt and concerned look. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Cal stuttered. “I…I should’ve asked.”

“No, its, I,” You stumbled, trying to put together a sentence with your currently scrambled mind. “What about Merrin?”

“What?” He asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “What about her?”

Now you were the one giving him a confused look, “You clearly love her.”

“What?” Cal could hardly believe his ears. His heart dropped when your face crumbled into a tired look, releasing a long sigh as your eyes trailed back to the beautiful scenery around you.

“The way you talk about her, look at her, interact with her…it's obvious how much you care for her,” You explained. 

“Because she’s my friend,” He countered, grabbing your hand that lay on your lap. The anger you had always felt about the situation started bubbling up, your eyes squinting into a sharp glare as you grip on his hand tightened into an almost bruising grip. Your frustration made clear in the tears that started to well up.

“So then why did you forget about me!” You snarled, letting go of his calloused hand and putting some distance between you both. Your vicious look dissolved as tears rolled down your cheeks, pulling your knees up to your chest and buried your face, not wanting to see Cal’s hurt look. “We were so close, but then all you paid attention to was Merrin and I felt like an outcast. Like I didn’t belong with the crew anymore.”

You tensed when he put a hand on your back, trying to comfort you, but instead of pulling away, he pulled your curled up form into his side, holding you as you cried. “I’m sorry,” He whispered into your hair, holding you tighter. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“I-its not y-your fault,” You stuttered through tears. “Instead of telling you I just left.”

“You should’ve never felt like that to begin with,” He murmured, his own eyes watering at the thought of you feeling alone like that…all because of him. 

“It's not like you can read minds,” You grumbled, sniffling as the tears slowly started to end. 

“Well…” 

You elbowed his side while trying to stifle a laugh, “Shut up, you know what I mean. It’s not your job to keep tabs on how everyones feeling at all times.”

“But I care about you,” Cal stated, pulling away enough to face you. He finds himself brushing your last few tears away, his palm resting against your cheek. “If I knew you felt like that I would’ve done something.”

“I know,” You murmured. “But we can’t change the past. What’s happened, happened.”

Resting his forehead on yours, you felt your breath hitch as Cal let out a frustrated sigh, “I’ll make it up to you.” You felt your heart stutter when he opened his eyes, determination shining clearly. “I promise.”

“I’m sure you will,” You replied, a small smile forming. Getting to finally vent out your problems seemed to have lifted a weight on your heart you didn’t realize was there the entire time. Leaning in, your heart jumped as Cal placed a sweet kiss to your cheek, standing up quickly and holding his hand out towards you. You found yourself pouting inadvertently, but taking his hand nonetheless. As he pulled you up with ease, a mischievous smirk tugged at his lips.

“How about we start tonight?” Cal asks. “I have an idea of where to start.”

“Okay,” You agreed. “Lead the way.”

Things might not have been perfect, and soon Cal will continue his journey, but for now, in this moment, everything finally fell into place.

[goosewriting]

hi! saw that you are taking requests, can you do a cal kestis one where him and reader go to some nice planet after a mission and reader asks Cal to dance under the stars. then reader remarks about the planet or view being beautiful, and cal says something like "but you are more so" and then they both get shy for a bit and one of them confesses, ending with a sweet kiss?

thank you love your work sm ♥️

Constant

summary: after a mission, Cal and reader get separated from the rest and have a sweet moment together.

relationship: Cal Kestis x gn!reader

warnings: none, fluff!

word count: 4k

A/N: it has been a while since i’ve written Cal and it shows omg i feel so rusty. also i may have gone a bit off topic with the intro/setting sdfsdf i really hope this works for you anon, thank you sm for requesting :D 

(english is not my first language. constructive criticism and grammar corrections are very appreciated!)

— — —

Despite the mission ending successfully, you got found by an angry squad of troopers, and in your escape, you got separated from the team. Cere and Greez made a hasty escape on the Mantis; Merrin disappeared from sight in a green cloud, so you knew she was hidden somewhere, and she’d be fine. You and Cal however had to run through the maze that was the village, hearing the many boots behind you. Luckily you encountered a ship with a hyperdrive, so while in your mind you apologised to the owners for “borrowing” their ship (they’re not getting it back), you made quick work of hijacking it, kickstarting the engines and making a swift exit into the atmosphere, then jumping into hyperspace.

It wasn’t usual for the crew to have to steal a transport, but when you did, all of you knew the drill: access the computer, scramble the signal, and send out an encrypted message to the Mantis so the others knew you were safe. 

After you mentally tick off every item in the to-do list, you let yourself fall into the co-pilot seat with a sigh.  Next to you, Cal checks the scanner one last time, and is about to punch in some coordinates into the navigation system, but his hand stops mid-air.

“So, where are we going exactly?” he asks.

“We need to lay low,” you think aloud and take the holopad out of your backpack, bringing up a galactic map of the region you’re currently in. You scroll back and forth for a minute, until you find a suitable goal. Stretching your arm over to Cal so he can see your screen, you point to the pin you just set. The little ship is decently shaken by the speed, so Cal gently places his hand over yours to stabilise the device to be able to read the tag. Even though you’re both wearing gloves, and physical contact isn’t exactly rare between the two of you, you can still feel the slight prickle of heat on your cheeks. You mentally curse at yourself for being this affected by such small gestures. Your thoughts are quickly interrupted however as Cal lets go of your hand, fully leaning back into the seat with a huff.

“Is there really no other choice?” he asks.

“All things considered, it’s a good one,” you offer. “We need to land to properly dismantle the transponder before the ship gets reported as stolen.”

“Right,” he sighs and punches in the coordinates. The computer shows a loading bar quickly reaching the end as it finishes calculating when to leave hyperspace. It’s actually in just a couple of minutes.

You lean back into the seat as well, placing the holopad on your lap. You turn your face to Cal with a silly grin.

“Besides, I hear they have wonderful weather this time of year.”

The Jedi doesn’t answer but you can hear his light huff as he playfully rolls his eyes. BD, sitting on the seat behind Cal’s, beeps amusedly as well.

You smile to yourself, your eyes lingering on Cal’s profile perhaps a second too long. He seems to feel you looking, and just as he turns his face to you, you quickly look the other way. Before you can give in to the embarrassment of having been caught staring, the computer signals it’s time to drop from hyperspace.

Cal’s focus goes back to the front, and he places his hand on the lever, pulling it down. Adjusting your position on your seat, you can’t help but crane your neck a little as the flurry of lights in front of you comes to a halt, replaced by the image of a green planet: Takodana. As you approach the surface, you take in the sights, the mountains, the lakes. Everything looks so… lush, and alive. It's a nice change of pace after the multitude of arid, dusty planets you seem to have been limited to lately. You swear you still have sand in your boots from a mission weeks ago. 

Picking your holopad back up, you zoom into the map, giving Cal instructions on what route to take and what altitude to maintain. There’s a clearing in the forest that seems big enough to fit the ship, so you decide to land there. Once the engines are turned off, you three get to work: Cal walks out the short ramp to start working on the transponder to fry it, while BD stays in the cockpit to wipe the travel logs. You check the small cargo hold, opening all storage containers, looking for anything useful, be it rations, equipment or medical supplies.

After a while, you find that there are some tools and miscellaneous things that could be useful. Those you put in one of the bigger storage boxes and leave it near the door so it’s easy to reach; the rest you just put away again where it was. Giving yourself a nod of approval, you stand up and dust off your legs, as you’ve been kneeling on the metallic floor which apparently did not get mopped very often. You exit the ship, walking around to the other side, where you see that Cal has removed a panel from the outer hull to essentially start taking the ship apart to access the parts he needs. Several ship modules now lie freely on the soft grass, and Cal’s upper body is hidden from sight as he’s leaning far into the machinery. You hear him grunt and curse under his breath as he struggles with particularly stubborn bolt.

“Can I help?” you ask as you approach him.

He evidently did not hear nor feel you coming, as he was too focused, so your presence takes him by surprise. You see him flinch at being startled, his head hitting on something to which he flinches again, now from the sharp pain on his temple, and he crawls out completely, a hand shooting up to where you could see a reddening spot on his skin. You can’t help the little snort that escapes you at his antics, and he looks at you in mock offence that you are amused at his expense.

“You good?” you ask, taking a step closer towards him. Your hand instinctively reaches up to his face, gingerly brushing away his own so you can check for any injury. 

“Yeah, just didn’t hear you…” he mumbles, not pulling away from you, and letting you inspect his face closely. 

“I thought Jedis could feel someone’s presence,” you tease him, and only then do you realise how close your faces are. Cal doesn’t give you any snark back, instead he just holds your gaze. With a sudden strong gust of wind, the late afternoon sun manages to peer through the thick tree canopies, and you’re like hypnotised. The warm sunlight catches on his copper eyelashes, and you catch a glimpse of the specks of gold that swim in his ocean eyes. If they’re green or blue, you never quite settled on, as they seemed to change depending on the light. This is by far one of the more beautiful versions you’ve had the pleasure to see, though. 

His eyes are just as focused on yours, and for a split second, they dart down a bit, then back up to hold your gaze again, and your breath hitches. Did he just–?

BD’s beeping breaks the spell, and you take a step back from him, clearing your throat. 

“Yeah, no. Uhm, you might get a bruise but uh, other than that you’re fine,” you give him your diagnosis, fidgeting with your sleeve. “Sorry again for startling you.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

You stand there in silence for a second, rather awkwardly, when BD beeps again, a little more insistent this time. 

“Huh? Yeah,” Cal turns to the droid. “I’m almost done here. You’re gonna fit into the opening far better than me though, mind giving me a hand?”

BD agrees, quickly hopping over to where the hull still stays open and exposed. As the two get back to work, you take out your holopad again, looking at the other pins you had marked on the map earlier.

“While you work on the transponder, I’m going into the ‘city’–” You use your free hand to gesture quotation marks in the air. “–to get us some food.”

“It won’t take long though,” Cal says, peeking back out from the ship. “If you wait for a bit we can go together.”

You tilt your head at him with an apologetic smile.

“No offence, but we’ve seen your face and name plastered on multiple wanted notices across several systems now,” you point out. Cal opens his mouth to retort something, but you don’t let him. “I’m still unknown, all in all. There’s going to be bounty hunters, mercenaries and who knows what else that might recognise you.”

Cal hesitates for a moment, biting the inside of his cheek, until he has to admit to himself that you’re right. Especially with a ship currently out of commission and as such unable to make another quick escape, you really want to make an effort to stay hidden until you can meet with the rest of the Mantis crew again. He sighs deeply, making it evident that he’s not really entirely on board. 

“Just… be careful?” he pleads.

You pat the blaster on your thigh holster twice and give him a winner smile.

“When am I not?”

Before he can reply (and you’re sure he has a carefully curated list of shenanigans of yours spanning over several years), you turn on your heels to grab your things and head out into the forest. Using your holopad, you navigate through the thick vegetation. You take a little detour to check out the lake though, and find an overhang at the cliffs which is decently hidden, but has a wonderful view of the water and the mountains on the other side. You take in the sight for a few moments, then continue your trek to your goal, the Takodana castle. Also known as Maz’s castle, since it’s run by the so-called queen of the pirates, Maz Kanata. You’ve heard stories about her exploits, and while you don’t necessarily have any emotional attachment or feeling of belonging to pirates and certain groups of outlaws, you do appreciate what she’s done here, making a place for people to take a respite. As long as things are kept civil, anyone is welcome. 

The clearing you chose to park the ship at was a really good decision; despite being quite far away from a castle, as it took you nearly an hour to get here, you notice that the closer you got, the more movement there is. And the less people know you’re here, the better. As you walk up to the entrance of the tavern in the central hall of the castle, you wish you had worn some sort of cloak or hooded cape. You’re pretty sure no one has any means to recognise you, but you can’t help feeling a little exposed. 

Taking a focusing breath, you push the heavy entrance door open, and enter the space. Some faces turn to look at you, but most customers ignore you, keeping their focus on their conversations and games. 

You beeline towards the bar, and the bartender gives you a hard once-over, raising a brow as you take a seat on a stool. You order food and drinks to go, placing some credits on the slightly greasy surface. He merely grunts in response, taking your payment and disappearing into the kitchen.

While you wait, you take a moment to look around. You see all sorts of people and creatures. Most of them seem relaxed, just trying to have a good time before they continue their journey to wherever they’re headed next. There’s some more… suspicious individuals in the darker corners of the establishment, hiding their faces under hats, masks or large hoods pulled down to their noses. You take mental note of a Nautolan to your left, who hasn’t let you out of her sights ever since you came in. She doesn’t look particularly suspicious, but the contrast of ther white outfit against the deep green skin caught your attention. From under the wide brim of her hat, her staring is starting to make you a little uneasy, but before you can glare back, a kitchen worker comes out from the back, handing you two bags of greasy food which to be quite honest, smells better than expected. 

You thank them with a smile, stuffing everything into your backpack, then take your leave. It’s a shame you won’t make it back in time for Cal to have his food while it’s warm, but beggars can’t be choosers, you suppose. 

The trek back is uneventful, but you take a different route than the one from before, just in case. Every now and then you look over your shoulder, listening carefully to check if anyone is following you. But other than your somewhat laboured breathing, the buzzing of insects and a raspy bird call somewhere above you, you hear nothing. 

By the time you’re back at the ship, the sun is starting to set, and you find that Cal has set up a makeshift camping site next to the now reassembled ship, consisting of a tarp hanging from one of the wings and held down on the ground by carefully laid out rocks of appropriate size and weight. It creates a canopy of sorts, under which the Jedi is sitting on one of the storage boxes you left within reach behind the cockpit. Two more boxes serve as improvised seating around a lantern set to a dim, warm light that projects Cal’s shadow onto the greenish-beige tarp. 

This time, he feels your presence before he sees you, so even though you approach without making a sound, his head is already turned in your direction by the time you see him. You meet his gaze and greet him with a smile. Making your way to where he’s sitting, you set your backpack on the ground, kneeling down to get everything out.

“Room service has arrived,” you announce, handing him the now cold food. “Wish we had a microwave though.”

He chuckles, taking his portion from your hands, opening the packaging rather eagerly. 

“Lighting a fire would also work, but that would make the whole ‘stay hidden’ thing redundant.”

“Yeah,” you sigh as you sit down across from him. “Oh well. Let’s dig in.”

“You could have had your food while it was hot though,” he remarks and takes a bite. He hums in pleasant surprise; it’s not too shabby. 

“I could have,” you respond, inspecting the food in your hands, looking for the best angle to bite into. “But I wanted to eat with you.”

He just looks at you for a moment while he chews.

“Why?” he asks after he swallows.

“Because it gives me a sense of–” domesticity, is what you want to say, but you stop yourself just in time, trying to find an alternate answer while willing the heat creeping onto your cheeks to go away. “A sense of normalcy. Across species, planets and time, sharing meals with your loved ones has always been a constant.”

You hope he doesn’t take the “loved ones” too literally. Then again, there’s no denying that you do feel rather strongly towards him. 

“And given what we do,” you continue. “I appreciate little moments like these even more, I suppose.”

Cal gives you a look that you can’t quite read, so to stop yourself from saying anything else, you take a big bite of your food, your gaze falling to the ground. He seems to be thinking over your words, his eyes drifting to the side.

“I do too, by the way,” he says after a few moments of silence.

“Hm?”

“Appreciate these moments, I mean,” he clarifies. “Up until now, I never found the words to describe it, but the way you put it, that’s exactly it. The crew, you and the guys. Despite everything that’s going on right now, you’re my constant as well. And the little moments of normalcy we get, as you said, I cling onto them too.”

You shoot him a genuine smile. It warms your heart to know he feels the same about the little patchwork family you find yourself in. People you trust your life with, and people you can’t imagine a life without. Especially without Cal. 

You both continue eating in silence, surrounded by nothing but the gentle breeze blowing against the tarp, swaying it slightly, and the sounds of the forest. 

“Did you contact Cere yet?” you ask after a while, remembering that you aren’t here on vacation, but you actually have to properly regroup with your crew soon. 

“I did. And yes; I used the encryption you showed me,” he adds with a chuckle before you can ask. “They’re currently waiting for an opening to pick up Merrin, and after that they’re headed here.”

“Any idea on how long that might take?”

He hums to signal he’s unsure, while crumpling up the foil wrapper now that he’s done eating and throwing it into a trash bag. 

“Not sure, could be anything between a couple of hours and a rotation. Two at most, I think.”

“Huh.” You tilt your head at his response, and realise that for a relatively short but still undetermined amount of time, you’ll be stuck here. Alone. With Cal. Your heart quickens ever so slightly, and you clear your throat as you also throw away the waste. 

Standing up, you clasp your hands together with a clap.

“Let’s make the most of it then, shall we? C’mon,” you gesture for him to follow you. 

“Where are we going?” he asks, giving you a suspicious look, but he can’t stop the boyish smile spreading on his face either way. 

“Just follow me.” 

You bend down to turn off the lantern, and in an instant you’re both surrounded by darkness. It takes a couple of seconds for your eyes to get used to it, and in a sudden moment of confidence, you take his hand in yours. He doesn’t say anything nor does he pull back, letting you guide him through the forest to that one spot at the cliff you had found earlier. 

“I hope you know where you’re going,” he says with a chuckle.

“Oh please, when have my orientation skills ever let us down.”

“Well,” he starts.” There was that one time on Kashyyyk. And in the Zeffo underground. Oh and let’s not forget about–”

“Alright, alright. I get it,” you laugh. He still hasn’t let go of your hand, so you use your free one to push away a branch to pass through a thick bush. “But trust me this time, you’ll like it.”

“I trust you,” he replies, so truthfully and genuinely, without a second of hesitation nor a drop of sass. It almost makes you stop in your tracks, but you continue walking, and you wonder if he can feel the way your heart is beating against your ribcage through the Force. 

Just a moment later, you arrive at your goal. Letting go of his hand, you turn to face him, stretching your arms out to the sides.

“Ta-da,” you announce in a sing-song voice. “I think it’s better in the daylight when you can see the landscape, but–”

“Look,” he interrupts, grabbing you by the shoulders and turning you back around to face the open space in front of you. “It’s not bad at all like this either.”

You can’t help the light gasp escaping your lips at the sight: there’s a short trail of lights along the shore on the other side of the lake, their reflections dancing in the water, but the rest of the forest is dark, allowing the starred sky to fully shine. There are no clouds obscuring the view, and the moons hang low in the sky, covering everything in a silvery hue. The stars seem to sparkle up above, and your eyes are mesmerised by them.

“It’s beautiful,” you whisper.

Cal hums in response, and your heart almost jumps out of your chest both in surprise and anticipation at how close he is to you. Standing behind you, Cal essentially speaks into your ear and it sends a tingle down your spine.

“But you are more so.”

Your brain all but short circuits at those words, and you react only when you feel him gently turning you around to face him. Your hands shoot up to his biceps while he hesitantly places his on your waist. Is this really happening? 

You open your mouth to say something but nothing comes out. you're once again completely lost in Cal’s eyes, now reflecting the map of stars in them, the usual blue turned a dark petrol in such little light, deep and rich and threatening to drown you. A threat you’ll gladly accept as a promise.

“I, uh,” Cal swallows hard, trying to gauge your reaction in the dark. “I hope I'm not crossing a line here.” 

“You are,” you reply, and for a split second you can see the panic wash over his face. “But I want you to.”

“Okay,” he says with a shaky breath, one hand coming up to gently stroke over your jaw with his knuckles. He looks away with a light scoff at himself. “I don’t actually know where to go from here.”

Your hands slowly inch upwards until you're holding Cal’s face, and he leans into the touch, momentarily closing his eyes, relishing the moment. 

“Wherever it is, let’s go together,” you say, and he smiles at you, which you mirror. 

He starts swaying you softly from side to side, and you chuckle, but follow his movements. For a few moments, you two dance under the stars to the symphony of the forest.

“I was so worried earlier today when you left alone,” he admits after a while, coming to a stop. “Not because I don’t think you can’t take care of yourself – I know how capable you are first hand. But the thought of something happening to you… I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I feel the same, Cal. You’re so important to me. In this mess of a galaxy, you are my constant.”

Instead of replying, he finally closes the already small gap separating you, and captures your lips with his in a short but sweet peck. He pulls back just barely to tilt his head to the side slightly, kissing you again, his arms now properly snaking around your lower back to pull you closer. 

After breaking the kiss, you pepper some more all across his face wherever you can reach, just for good measure, ending with one to the tip of his nose, exaggerating the ‘mwah!��� sound. His chuckle is more akin to a giggle, and the sound is heavenly. He leans in again, this time to touch his forehead to yours.

For a moment longer, you just stand there in each other’s embrace, breathing in one another. Then Cal breaks the silence. 

“We should do this more often.”

You pull back to look at him.

“Which part?”

“Spending time together, just the two of us,” he says, holding both your hands in his as he sits down and pulls you down with him, and you lean your head on his shoulder.

"Hmm, I agree."

“Let’s message the Mantis again and tell them to take their time.”

You laugh, playfully pushing your body into his, and he laughs as well. 

And as you both look at the stars, you know in your heart that things will be okay. Everything will work out just fine. The Empire, Jedis, inquisitors. Right now, nothing of that matters. All you need is here beside you, and as long as you have Cal, you know you can take on whatever the universe has in tow for you next.

~~~~~

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[breakfastteatime]

Today's Fallen Order request is 'Gone' for @wrencatte

Greez won’t allow anybody off the ship.

“I wish to explore the town,” Merrin says.

“We need to restock,” Cere reminds him.

BD wants to find something new and exciting to scan.

“I’m hungry,” Cal says.

“No one is going anywhere until we find it!”

Greez’s lucky spoon has gone missing. Again.

“Maybe you should strap it to an arm so you never lose it,” Merrin says. “It will turn up, it always does. Now let me off this ship or I may find the spoon and curse it to never be found again.”

“You do that, and I’ll find a way to curse you,” Greez growls. He jabs a finger at Cal. “You! With the echoes! Find one that will tell you where my spoon has gone.”

“No way, Greez. The last time I did that I saw things that scarred me for life.”

“What things?” Merrin asks.

Cal shoots her a withering look. “What part of scarred for life is unclear?”

“Greez, we’ll all search for five minutes, and if we don’t find it, you will let us off this ship,” Cere says, ever the voice of reason.

Eyes wide, Cal stares at her. Is she going to mind trick Greez? She’s using that tone of voice.

Two of Greez’s hands find his hips. “Ten minutes.”

“Seven, and I’ll go no higher,” Cere counters.

“Seven. Starting now. Get looking. Droid, you take the vents.”

“Why would it be in the vents?” Cal asks, knowing perfectly well why it might be in the vents.

Greez narrows his eyes.

“Fine. BD will search the vents.”

Given that the last time the spoon went missing Merrin found it on the lower deck, Cal announces that’s where he and BD will start and dashes off to the back of the ship. The moment they’re alone, BD bursts into evil laughter.

“BD, you did not take it again, did you?”

And why would BD need to do that when they have a bogling on board who’s perfectly capable of doing so herself?

Groaning, Cal opens a nearby vent and shoves BD inside. “Grab it from her and bring it to me.”

BD returns three minutes later with the very battered spoon. Cal’s eyes widen in horror. “She’s been chewing on it?” He takes it from BD and nearly recoils. “I do not want to know what that smell is.” It’s bad enough to distract Cal from the hum of echoes – all of them happy memories of Greez cooking. If he can get to the refresher without being seen, maybe he can wash off the stink… but how to explain the teeth marks?

BD nobly offers to say he grabbed it too hard with his feet, damaging it. Rather that than revealing the bogling’s existence. It’s still way too much fun having Greez be clueless about their extra crewmate.

“You’re the best, BD.” Cal climbs to the upper deck and almost jumps out of his skin when Greez stands in the doorway.

“My spoon!” Greez declares. “Just in time, too. I gotta stir the curry.”

Cal stares dumbly at the spoon still clenched in his hand. Rookie mistake. He should’ve hidden it in his pants until he could clean it.

Greez grabs for it.

Cal pulls it out of his reach just in time. “I gotta wash it,” he says. “I, uh, I found it on the lower deck. It smells bad. You don’t want to poison us.”

“I know it stinks, I can smell it from here. Gimmie my spoon, Cal. I’m not going to use it.”

“Maybe leave it to clean all night,” Cal says. “Use another spoon.”

Greez stares at him. “You’re being weird. Have you done something to my spoon?”

BD says he may have damaged it. Greez doesn’t understand a word. “I just hope I didn’t damage it pulling it out of the deck where it was stuck.”

“Ah, a few new dents won’t hurt it. A lucky spoon should have some character.”

“Oh, okay then.” Cal hands it over.

Greez checks it over. “Perfect. Aside from the stink.”

“Wait, it’s not damaged?”

“You mean all these nicks and dents?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Have you never looked at my spoon before?”

“Yeah I…” Actually, no, he hasn’t, not in detail. And given the hum of Greez’s happy cooking memories bubbling away in his head, he’s never touched it before either. “No, I guess I haven’t.”

Greez leads him back into the galley, regaling him with how he made that dent, and how he caused that discolouration. Cal looks to Cere and Merrin, knowing they get the message: go, run, while you still can.

The women escape.

“Now that we’ve found it, I’m going to head out too,” Cal says.

“Sure, sure,” Greez says.

Cal heads for the hatch.

“One other thing.”

“Yeah?” Cal goes for innocent, honest, he’s a Jedi, he wouldn’t keep secrets or tell lies or –

“The next time we’re on Bogano, the bogling stays there.”

[voidcat-senket]

Ohhhh perhaps spyscrapper for 38? On the kiss prompt list??

38. ...running out of time Bode’s breathing is heavy, loud, fast. Full, billowing breaths he can’t seem to slow down. He’s teetering at the edge of a breakdown. He’s been teetering at the edge of a breakdown for weeks, but it’s really here now, no longer a fantom haunting his shadow but reality, inhabiting his body, making his fingers numb and his heart race.

It’s not the edge. He’s falling off. The comm is in his hand, his finger hovers over the button, and he has to make the call. If he doesn’t make the call today, the Empire won’t be here tomorrow, the Archive and the Path will move to Tanalorr and it will be ruined.

Exposed. Unsafe. And he’ll have lost his last, his first, chance-hope-dream. The first breath of fresh air he’s had in. Four years? Is that it, four years? Four years with his leash getting shorter and his collar getting tighter, tighter, tighter, sold to the only bidder for a golden cage for his little girl that will become an iron trap if he so much as misses two check-ins in a row?

He’s lurking in the corner but he needs to go outside so he can fall into pieces privately. But. Cal and Merrin are still out there, aren’t they? He wants to beg Cal to make a different choice, get on his knees and cry, but if he does then… his desperation won’t make any sense, after Cal already reassured him. After Cal thought he did and ripped the rest of Bode’s meager hope to pieces instead. If he does, all his secrets will spill out. If he does, even this meager, desperate last chance where he loses everything but Kata will disappear. Cal doesn’t forgive betrayal- not if it comes from the Empire.

And Bode is part of the Empire, no matter how he feels about it. He sold himself.

Death followed him long before that.

The next exhale sounds too wretchedly close to a dry sob for his liking, and he clamps a hand over his mouth, doubled over, a steadying arm against the wall. His vision swims and darkens, his nostrils bellowing with each panicked breath. A hand presses to his shoulder. His back all but slams against the wall as he yanks himself away. Cal’s hands lift up, held out by Cal’s shoulders, as the redhead takes a step back. “Sorry! I was calling your name but I don’t think you heard me.”

Bode didn’t hear anything. Not a thing. What was he thinking? Doing? He wasn’t thinking that was the problem. Cal must see something in his face, because he steps forward again, frowning, concerned. He reaches out again but slowly, his hands gently framing Bode’s shaking shoulders before curling around his upper arms. “Bode, it’s okay. Breathe with me. Let’s just calm down, and then we can talk, get you some water maybe. Okay?” Bode clenches his teeth together, presses harder into the wall. “Bode, hey. Hey. We’re fine, okay?” A damnable smile blooms, Cal’s green eyes sparking warm, the man reaching out for him in the Force, wrapping him up in Cal’s fiery presence like a reassuring blanket, and Cal says: “tomorrow we’ll move and we’ll all be safe and everything will be alright.” Bode’s breath stops. He slides down the wall until he’s sitting, and his insides are all ashes. His hand shakes as it falls from his mouth and he can’t see Cal for the tears falling from his eyes.

Cal, kriffing Cal. Why did Bode have to fall for him? An idealist. A man who can’t see danger staring him in the face. Who can’t listen to the reasonable voices around him, and yet who is so good that they can’t help but let him lead over and over again.

Cal only scoots closer, cradling Bode’s face between his hands and pressing their foreheads together. “I’ve got you. Breathe with me. We Jedi,” Cal jokes, trying to ease the moment, “we’re really good at breathing, you know.” Kriffing Cal. Bode wants years with him. A lifetime.

“I’m s-sorry,” he whimpers, gripping the sleeves of Cal’s jacket. He gets tonight, and then nothing. Nothing after that. Never. There’s no more time.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for.”

Cal will change his mind tomorrow. He’ll understand tomorrow. They’re over, tomorrow.

Bode turns his head. His lips press into the heat of Cal’s palm, mark it with his sorrow.

This is their first and last time.

There’s nothing inside him he’s allowed to give. Nothing worthy of Cal

[wrencatte]

I’m going to die here…

I don’t wanna die! I don’t wanna die!

Please someone put me out of my misery.

Someone save me.

          Let me die. Let me die. Please let me die.

Rotting. Rotting. Under – under my skin – crawling – eating – under, under, skin –

I didn’t do anything. Please. Please.

                                                I’m so hungry.

The walls – the walls – stop – stop –

                                                                                                Water…water –

He’s missing for only a few hours before they find him.

This is a few hours too many.

Curled up in a tiny ball, legs tucked under his poncho protectively, he almost blends in with the shadows. If it weren’t for the undercurrent of despair in his signature like a homing beacon in the Force, Cere thinks she would’ve missed him completely. It’s a far cry from the laughter in the Mantis this morning.

Cere drops into the little room from above. Her landing is loud in the tiny space, yet Cal doesn’t react. He doesn’t even twitch. She shines her torch somewhere near his face, whispering his name – and gets nothing. She ducks down to check for consciousness though the Force is subdued and muted, not that streaking fire that Cal normally is, and her stomach sinks at the sight of a dull, listless stare.

“Oh, Cal,” she breathes.

She brushes his hair from his face, tucking it behind his ears. It’s getting long, she notes. There’s a massive bruise in the middle of his forehead, black-dark already. His lips are red with blood, speckling his chin. She checks under his poncho for more injuries, using the Force to aid her when her eyes fail in the dim light, and finds nothing life-threatening she can sense, so she pinches her torch between her knees and gathers his hands in hers.

They’re cold.

Cere cradles them carefully, inspecting the damage. More blood, caked into his nail beds and under them, glistening on the tips where the skin is rubbed raw. He’s missing nails on his pinky and ring fingers. She glances down and finds smears of red – and white scores in the stonework, and a fingernail laying there oh-so innocently. Her heart aches. What happened to you?

She squeezes his hands rhythmically, partly to keep him warm and partly, partly because this is just something they do, when they’re able, when Cal gets caught up in a drawn-out echo. He likes the anchor to the present, he told them. He never feels it when he’s actually in the echo itself, but it’s always the first thing he’s aware of when he comes out of it. It makes him feel safer, knowing he’s not alone.

This doesn’t look like an echo, but even after all these months she’s nowhere near an expert on psychometry.

“Come back, Cal,” she whispers anyway, his hands so cold and his gaze so empty.

He doesn’t respond.

“Cere,” Merrin hisses from above. “The system will auto-boot soon. The droid cannot stop this one.”

“I’ve got him,” she calls back. Merrin says nothing more, but she sees the Nightsister hover at the edge of the ceiling door, peering down at them with barely hidden anxiety.

Cere is gentle as she gathers Cal into her arms, the Force helping her bear the weight. She doesn’t want to let him go, but she pulls her power close and raises him slowly until he’s high enough for Merrin to take. She double checks that nothing was left behind then follows them up with a Force assisted jump.

Merrin cradles Cal in her arms like he’s something precious, her expression pained and horrified. His eyes are still open, thin slivers of dull green between his eyelashes. His head falls over the crook of Merrin’s arm, exposing his throat in a way that makes Cere swallow thickly. Merrin nudges him until his temple is resting on her shoulder instead, curled up smaller than either of them have ever seen.

“What did they do to you?” Merrin asks, voice low and dangerous, the air sparking green around her. “I will kill them.”

Cere lays a hand on her shoulder. “We take care of Cal first,” she says. Merrin glares at her for a long moment before she reluctantly nods then climbs to her feet. “BeeDee! We have him!”

The droid dashes out of the shadows, whirl-clicking quietly, and clambers up Merrin to perch on her shoulder. His optics flash as he tries to start up his scanner, but they’re too damaged. He bwoops almost silently. It sounds wretched through his ruined speakers.

Cere taps his chassis in reassurance before they're off, alarm blaring loudly behind them. It's too late though. They rush into the Mantis just as the guards mobilize, shouts starting up when they find the guards around the cellblock Cal was in already taken care of.

[doodlingfoolishness]

Can we just let him have a good cry with Merrin? Please?

If you wanna know the context, please check out my fic on AO3: A Sickness of the Soul 😭

[fanfoolishness]

what we have now

Cal awakens on Tanalorr, and what seems to be a perfect day begins to go wrong. Post-Jedi: Survivor with spoilers. Rated PG-13ish for established Merrical. Angst, grief, hope, love, ~2450 words.

--

The morning light of Tanalorr filters gently through cracks in the temple ceiling, sending down soft, gold-edged rays through the small private chamber where he and Merrin have set up a room.  Cal mumbles, rolling over on the makeshift bed and taking half the covers with him.  Merrin is warm and sleepy beside him, her skin soft against his own, and he draws her closer, breathing in the sweet smell of her hair.

“We have slept in again, Cal Kestis,” she murmurs throatily.  “I blame you, of course.  You kept me from my rest.”

“Someone was awfully frisky last night, I seem to recall,” Cal yawns.  He hardens slightly, remembering her insistent kisses last night, how she eagerly undressed him, her hands, her mouth, her --

He lets out a long breath.  They have work to do this morning with the others, and he knows he shouldn’t let himself get distracted.  No matter how much he might like to be.

“Still thinking about it, are you?” Merrin asks, amused.  She rolls over and props herself up on one elbow, leaning over him.  He drinks in the sight of her, soft gray skin and dark tattoos, a wicked grin.  He bites back a groan.  

Her gaze flicks back, and she peers under the covers with a knowing smirk.  “Ahh.  I like the way you think.”

“Hey, come on, now.  We promised we’d check in,” Cal half-protests.  “The Path needs us to get this housing ready, and we need to have that meeting with --”

The familiar sound of BD’s servos whirs as the little droid hops over to them, blithely ignorant of their nudity and innuendo.  Cal sighs, drawing the sheets higher over Merrin and himself.  

“Cal, my dear Jedi, you said you were going to teach the droid to knock.”

“I’ve been busy!” Cal says.  Merrin simply raises one eyebrow and gives him one of those looks, the sort that makes his brain short-circuit and his pulse quicken.  For a moment he’s tempted to tell BD-1 to come back later, that he’d made a mistake with the time and really the meeting with Cere was for tomorrow, not today.

But something disquiets him, a frisson rippling through the Force, there and gone before he can put a name to it.  His arousal vanishes, and he looks away from Merrin, unsettled.

“Cal?”  She sits up, the blanket falling down around her waist, the golden light bathing her skin in a warm glow.  “What is it?”

He shakes his head.  “I don’t know.  Something felt… off.  I’m not sure what it means.”  He sighs.  “Probably just guilt about how late we’re going to be.  We’d better get going.  Make it up to you later?”  He gives her a small smile, and is gratified when she returns it twofold.

Cal sends BD-1 off to wait as they get dressed, but they meet him at the front of the temple, where he is waiting patiently for them.  Cal bends to lower a hand and BD clambers up to his regular perch as they step outside into the fresh air.  The glorious Tanalorr morning greets them with misty light, and brightly colored banners ripple from the temple in the breeze.  Gardens stretch alongside the path, tall leaves fluttering in the wind, fruits and vegetables beginning to swell and show in colors of scarlet, violet, emerald.

The three of them travel through the gardens and back along the creekside path leading away from the temple.  Merrin seems content, but Cal cannot help but look over his shoulder as they walk.  There is only BD-1 there, cheerful and loyal as always, but there’s still a nagging feeling, something skittering at the back of his mind.  

He tries to ignore it, his feet tracing the familiar trail alongside Anchorite Creek.  They cross the new stone bridge, a beautiful melding of angular Jedha architecture with jeweled motifs unique to Tanalorr; the lilac-blossomed larien tree, the clever waterhare, the carvings of the Koboh Abyss.  He always appreciates this bridge and the way his footsteps ring on the stone, but for a moment it almost feels like its solid arch tremors beneath his feet.

“Did you feel that?” Cal asks.  BD lets out a beep in the negative.  Merrin shakes her head.

“Feel what?”

“Nothing,” Cal says, stone solid beneath his feet, and he tries to believe himself.  We’ve made a perfect world.  What is there to worry about?

They meet back up with the others at the village, which is already bustling at this early hour.  The sight cheers him, and his odd mood fades into the background.  He takes a deep breath and smells the morning meal on the breeze, rich with spice; Pyloon’s of Tanalorr keeps Greez busy, even with several residents working with him as sous chefs.  He and Merrin will have to stop in for a bowl of waterhare stew when they next get a chance.

They keep heading toward their destination, passing Narkis Anchorites working with refugees from the Hidden Path, raising another set of new residences.  Cal nods to them as they pass.  He recognizes some of the Anchorites from Jedha.  There are new members of their order, too, only identifiable by the Tanalorr-lilac stripe they wear on their sleeves.

Not everyone wears the garb of the Anchorites; droids roll or walk along the dirt streets on their business, and plenty of people with bare faces wave as they make their way to the Archives.  A few of the refugees he recognizes from his days as a Padawan, other survivors besides himself: a young woman with her dark hair in tight braids, a tall man with olive skin and piercing blue eyes.  Pride unfurls in his chest, pride and a fierce protectiveness.  They’ve built so much here.  And there is still so much more to do.

Many of those who cannot help in the physical efforts of building work in the new Archives, cataloging their growing knowledge of the Jedi Order and its history, and it’s here they head, Cal keenly aware they’re late.  That must be the reason he’s feeling off.  He knows exactly which slightly disappointed look Cere will be wearing --

The smell of smoke, ash dancing in the flame-choked air, red and black --

Cal staggers, sagging against the door as it slides open.  “Cal!” Merrin cries, slipping a steady arm around him.  On his other side, a familiar man in robes braces against him, helping Merrin to keep him upright.

“Cal!  Have you taken ill?” Master Cordova asks.  Together he and Merrin lead Cal to a seat near one of the desks, where he bows over himself, breathing hard.  BD-1 chitters at his shoulder.

“You don’t feel it?” Cal gasps.  He holds out his hands, ash coating his fingertips.  He doesn’t understand.  “Look at my hands.  There’s something terribly wrong --”

Merrin and Master Cordova look at his hands, but they seem worried, exchanging concerned glances.  “I will get Cere,” says Merrin, and claps Cal on the shoulder, her hand squeezing him tightly against his jacket.  “We will figure this out, Cal.  Together.”  

Cal looks down at his hands again.  They’re clean once more, and his head reels.  What’s happening?

“Tell me what you sense, Cal,” says Master Cordova, kneeling carefully beside him.  His brown eyes, always so wise, seem troubled.  Cal knows it’s because of him.  He tries to center himself, reaching for the Force, but it feels muted and hazy, muffled somehow.

“I saw fire,” he manages.  “Fire and ash.”

“A memory, perhaps sensed by your psychometry?”

“No, this didn’t feel like a normal memory,” Cal tries to explain.  “It feels like it’s something that doesn’t belong here.  Like something that isn’t real, that never happened.”  He gazes around the room, drawing comfort from its soaring shelves of twinkling datapads, the silver globes lighting the hall, the sweet smell of larienwood incense.  He tries to ground himself in the library, in all they’ve built here.  “It couldn’t have happened.”

“It may have been a vision, then,” Cordova muses, getting to his feet and sitting down on the chair beside Cal.  “The Force may be sending you a message of things to come.”

Cal shakes his head in frustration.  He’s not a Padawan.  “I know we can have visions from the Force, Master Cordova, but I always feel so tightly bound to the past.  I’ve only had visions of the future in places where the Force is magnified and concentrated, like Ilum or Bogano….  The past has always been so much easier for me to access.  This didn’t feel the same way.”

“Perhaps that’s changing,” says Cere.  Cal lifts his head to greet her, and their eyes meet--

She’s so light in his arms.  How could someone so powerful, so strong, be so, so still?

Cal recoils, panting.  The smoke chokes him, blinds him, engulfs him.  He’s lost in it, reaching for his lightsaber, finding nothing there.  He cups his hands around his mouth, calling, hoping, begging.  “Cere -- I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I should have been there --”

“You okay there, scrapper?” 

Cal opens his eyes.  The smoke has vanished as quickly as it had come, and the temple soars over him, golden daylight streaming through its windows.  Bode gives him a broad, easy grin, smile lines crinkling at the edges of his eyes.  Dagan’s lightsaber hums in his palm.

“This isn’t right,” Cal whispers.  “It isn’t real --”

He raises a gloved hand.  Imperial black against crisp ISB white.  He lets the frantic rage shriek through him, a desperate eruption of pure hate boiling forth, he wants this, needs this, a weapon, he’s nothing but a weapon --

The temple shatters around him, Tanalorr shatters around him, and he remembers everything.

***

“Cal!  Cal.  Come back to me, Jedi,” Merrin murmurs throatily.  He realizes her arms are around him, holding him tight against her chest, his cheek nestled against the soft skin between her breasts.  Her twin heartbeats pulse in his ear, a metronome grounding him here, now, safe.

For a moment, they simply stay there.

“What happened?” she asks in a soft voice.

Cal reluctantly sits up, nearly hitting his head on the ceiling.  They’re in the Mantis, back in one of the narrow bunks they insist on squeezing into together.  He knows they could sleep separately, but neither of them like to do it anymore if they can help it.

“I dreamed of Tanalorr.  The way it should have been.”  His throat constricts, and it takes him a moment to steady his voice.  “It was beautiful, Merrin.”  He wants to tell her everything.  The new Archives, the lush gardens, the voices in the streets; Cordova… Cere…. 

Instead he buries his face in the crook between her neck and her shoulder, and breathes in, and breathes out.

She strokes his hair gently, fingers twining through the strands that tickle the back of his neck.  She presses a kiss to his forehead.  “We will make it so, Cal.  I promise you.”

“Maybe.  I hope so.  But she’ll never see it.”

Her fingers still, then shift for her hand to cup his cheek.  She slowly lifts his chin until he’s gazing at her, her dark eyes bright.  “No, she will not.  That is something we cannot change.”  She blinks, and a flicker of her own grief passes across her face, a painful mirror to his own.  “I miss her too.  Cere and Cordova both, but Cere… she was part of our family.”  Tears glisten, unshed but unashamed, in her eyes.

They haven’t talked of Cere this openly in weeks, busy with fighting the Empire on Koboh and taking care of Kata.  But now the loss is here, sitting in the space between their breath, and the wound aches so, so much.  

Anger flares within him.  How can his mind have given him so much detail of Tanalorr vibrant and growing, of a world where they’d truly won, and yet so little of Cere?  When he would have given anything to see her again, to speak with her -- to apologize --

But he remembers how his mind had tried to tell him he was dreaming, and his heart sinks.  He had known.  Even in the midst of a dream that felt realer than real, he’d known.  

There is no bringing Cere back, not even in a dream.

Cal swallows, feeling sick.  It’s all a mess, and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to feel about any of it.  The Jedi Order would tell him to let it go, but the Jedi Order itself is dust and ashes, and he feels the feelings anyway, Order be damned.  

Grief feels different now than it did as a child.  It’s no less confusing than it was then, but back then he’d been so desperate to survive, so powerless to protect himself, that he’d shoved the feelings down as far as they could go.  Now the feelings and the Force are both as powerful as they’ve ever been.  He feels the Force crackling throughout him, body and soul, straining to be used.  He’s healed his connection… but is that such a good thing, now?  There’s violence poisoning his connection, an intoxicating rage, a searing hatred, the darkness…

He shivers, and he steps away from it, for now.

“I don’t know--” His breath hitches.  There’s water tracking at the edges of his eyelids, a burn in his chest.  “Even through everything, even when we were apart, she was always guiding me.  And without her, I don’t know if I can be enough.  For Tanalorr… for the Path… for Kata….”  Imperial black on ISB white.  “For you.”  

“You are enough for me, Cal Kestis,” she says, and he sinks back into her embrace.  

“But the future --”

“Is what we can make of it,” Merrin says, her voice steely.  “We will find the way together, you and I.  That is how we will honor Cere and Cordova.  And the Jedi, and my sisters.  And if you stumble in the darkness, I will lead you by the hand; and if I do not see the path, your light will guide me.”  She kisses him, her open mouth slanting over his, then pulls back.  She blazes with determination, so beautiful he can hardly bear it.  “Do you trust me?”

The world falls away, and Cal lets it.  There is only this moment, shimmering between them.  The grief and darkness will be there waiting for him when he returns, he knows that much, but for now, there is only Merrin.  He takes her hand in his, and he knows that no matter what lies ahead, the two of them are bound together.

“Always,” he whispers.

She smiles, and the world feels perfect once again.

[stardustandash]

been thinking all week about a Star Wars F1 AU and i gotta share my thoughts!! There's so many i need to put them below a cut but F1 star wars fans come with me to the sandbox and play!

and heads up this is definitely geared towards bad batch fans

99/ DF 99 - Drive Force 99 Livery: black and red Drivers: Tech and Crosshair Principle: Hunter Race Engineers: Cid & Rampart Chief Mechanic: Echo (former driver but a crash took 3 limbs and he’s dedicated to making the safest car on the track) Pit Crew: Wrecker Omega is a junior driver being mentored by Tech

One of the newer teams on the grid, over the three years they’ve been racing they’ve climbed their way to mid-front of the grid. Tech has one win under his belt, and both he and Crosshair have a handful of podiums.

Jedi - Sabertech Jedi Livery: White & Gold Drivers: Anakin and Obi-Wan Principle: Yoda Race Engineers: Rex & Cody

The most dominant team on the grid. They have the highest number of 1-2 finishes ever with these two drivers, and Anakin has been winning by several seconds most races for the last few years. Jedi is one of the oldest teams and Yoda has been team principal for 30 years.

Ghost - Ghost Rebel Racing Livery: Bright orange Drivers: Hera & Sabine Principle: Kallus Race Engineers: Kanan & Ezra Pit Crew: Zeb Team dog: Chopper!! (He frequently escapes the garage to try and bite other team’s pit crews & tires)

Hera is known as one of the best drivers on the grid and usually finishes in the points. The team overall however is solidly middle of the pack. Sabine has a new helmet design nearly every race, and it’s always her own design.

Mantis - Haxion Mantis Livery: Navy Drivers: Cal & Merrin Principle: Greez Race Engineers: Cere & Cordova BD-1 is Cal’s emotional support dog

Mantis debuted this year, and put themselves solidly in the middle of the pack. As well, both their drivers are rookies. A massive gamble, but it appears to be paying off. Cal has been close to top 3 several times, and Merrin’s driving style makes other drivers back off.

Padawan - Padawan ST Livery: sky blue Drivers: Ahsoka & Barriss Principle: Mace Windu Race Engineers: Plo & Luminara

The “junior” team for Jedi, these drivers are being groomed to one day take over the Jedi seats. As such, they are mid-front of the grid. Neither have their maiden win yet, and Ahsoka in particular is vocal about wanting to beat Anakin even as she looks up to him as a mentor.

Run - DP Smuggler’s Run Livery: Forest Green Drivers: Phee & Hondo Principle: Shep Race Engineers: Chewbacca & ??

This team has evolved a lot, and Shep is new as team principal and Phee is new as a driver to this team. Like Hera, Phee is a phenomenal driver despite the car being mid-back of the pack. On the track Phee seems to like testing other drivers - Tech in particular.

TT - Tantiss Technologies Livery: Aqua blue Drivers: Scorch & ? Principal: Nala Se Race Engineers: Hemlock & Emerie

Another team that has changed a lot, this year they gained a name change (formerly Tipoca Tech), and the only person retained on the team was Nala Se. They are focused on engineering the perfect car, and are thought to ignore safety for speed.

Mirrormask Livery: Grey Drivers: Fives & Boba Principle: Jango Race Engineers: Mayday & Kix

Mirrormask is an old team, and Jango used to be their star driver back when they were dominant on the field. Now they’re more a mid-back team but they hope is that rookie Boba can turn things around for him like his father.

Sith - Sith RuleTwo Livery: red Drivers: Ventress & Maul Principle: Dooku Race Engineers: Savage & Talzin

This team could be front of the grid if the drivers could get along with each other. They are more likely to take out each other (or in Maul’s case take himself out going after Obi-Wan) than finish the race. Dooku is hoping to get his drivers in check but it’s not going well so far.

Pods - Pods Racing Livery: tan Drivers: Sebulba & ?? Principle: Watto

If they finish a race it’s considered a miracle. There’s discussion of the whole team being replaced as they are known for playing dirty and using sabotage on their opponents and illegal parts in their cars.

[corvidscreams]

After hearing so much about this mysterious sailor, it’s only right that Merrin checks him out for herself.

(1,2,3,5,6)

[sauntering-down]

“I’m counting on it,” Cal replies.  “Bet you anything he’s out looking for his brother.  So, if nobody answers, Merrin gets me inside and I see what kind of echoes are lying around his home.  If he seems legit, we’ll leave a note or something on the door to tell him about the ship in the marsh.  If anything’s suspicious… we’ll tell him after we’ve checked it out for ourselves, if we tell him at all.” Sighing, Cere leans against the speeder.  “I suppose I’ll be the lookout, then, just in case.”

next chapter of 'insomniac' up... enjoy. :)

[agoldengalaxy]

What She Left Behind

read on Ao3

words: 1865

“Cal,” Greez breathed, the bottle in his hand shaking a little. “What’re ya doin’ here?” “I could ask you the same question. You’re supposed to be asleep on the Mantis right now. Are you okay?” Huffing a sigh, he turned his gaze up to the ceiling. “No. The room’s spinning.” BD-1 beeped, and Cal chuckled. “No, buddy. He doesn’t mean the room’s actually spinning.” Moving to sit cross-legged beside him, he hesitated before asking, “You wanna talk about it?”

--

Cal quickly scanned the saloon, surprisingly quiet now at this time of night. Hard at work wiping down the bar, Monk twisted his head slightly.

“Ah, Cal! It’s great to see you.”

Despite the fact that the droid said it every single time Cal walked into the saloon, the young man still smiled and stepped up toward the bar. “You too, Monk. Empty night, huh?”

“Most patrons just left,” he replied. “It’s strange. It is not usually this quiet.

“Tell me about it.” Cal glanced around again before returning his gaze to the bartender. “Have you seen Greez? He’s not on the Mantis.”

Monk was silent for a moment, his head spinning to seemingly look away. “He is downstairs.”

Cal’s brows furrowed. “In my room?”

“Yes. He wanted to be left alone, but…” Monk trailed off, and his head spun back around to the front. “Perhaps you should check on him, Cal.”

Despite what many people said about droids, Cal could detect emotion and empathy within Monk’s words. BD-1 beeped questioningly, while Cal simply nodded and stepped away from the bar. “Thanks.”

It was no secret that they were all struggling. Kata was barely eating, Merrin was constantly moving and fidgeting, Greez would cry when he thought no one was looking, and Cal couldn’t sleep. He was putting all of his energy into checking on Kata so that he didn’t have to think about himself, even when Merrin gave him those looks. It just felt so overwhelming.

They’d keep telling Kata that things were going to be okay, but they were just lying to her face. Death never stopped. He wasn’t sure he could count the number of deaths he’d seen on two hands.

Cal shook the thoughts away. It wasn’t the time to wallow. He took everything one step at a time these days, and the next step now was to find Greez.

As he descended the stairs, Cal could hear muffled moaning. He moved a little quicker. 

When the door slid open, he saw Greez sitting on the floor beside the window. He was leaning with his head back against the sill, his arms sprawled out with one hand holding a half-empty bottle. Tears trickled down his face, but he didn’t even bother to lift his head upon hearing the door open.

“Whoever it is, Monk, I’m not in the mood,” he mumbled. Cal shook his head, walking over to crouch beside him.

“Not even me?” he asked gently. Clouded eyes slowly roved toward him, blinking once or twice before there seemed to be any recognition.

“Cal,” he breathed, the bottle in his hand shaking a little. “What’re ya doin’ here?”

“I could ask you the same question. You’re supposed to be asleep on the Mantis right now. Are you okay?”

Huffing a sigh, Greez turned his gaze up to the ceiling. “No. The room’s spinning.”

BD-1 beeped, and Cal chuckled. “No, buddy. He doesn’t mean the room’s actually spinning.” Moving to sit cross-legged beside him, he hesitated before asking, “You wanna talk about it?”

Silence fell between them for a moment. Greez sighed so softly it was almost inaudible. “It’s her birthday.”

It suddenly felt like a Star Destroyer had just crashed into him full speed. Cal closed his eyes, trying to shake off his dizziness. “I didn��t know.”

“She wasn’t one to share.” Cal opened his eyes, taking Greez in for a moment before moving to lay down beside him, his hands beneath his head. The ceiling’s fluorescent lights blinked as if they were pitying the two men on the floor. BD-1 hopped to sit in between them while Greez looked to Cal. “You don’t gotta stay here, kid. I’ll be fine.”

“I know.” Moving his head to meet Greez’ cloudy eyes, Cal felt a lump form in his throat. “I want to.”

Greez’ expression twisted into what looked like pain, but Cal recognized it as his ‘trying to hold back tears’ face. “What’d I do to deserve you, kid?”

Cal smiled sadly. “I think Cere would want us to stick together.”

He got a sob in response. It took a second for him to compose himself. 

“...I miss her, Cal.”

Cal felt his heart shatter. Seeing Greez like this, merely like a shell of himself, was upsetting in a way he couldn’t explain. He reached over, gently rubbing one of Greez’ arms, trying to fight the burn in his own eyes. “I do, too. And if she were here, she’d hate that we’re just lying here.” He could already hear her voice.

My death was necessary to protect those codes. Keep fighting so it was not in vain.

“It ain’t fair,” Greez moaned, his words slurring a little as he drank more from the bottle. “Just when we felt like there was some hope, she…”

“I know.” For a moment, the familiar rage burned in his chest as he thought of Bode. After all of this, he wasn’t sure he could trust anyone anymore. The darkness hummed around him, and he ignored it. “We’re gonna keep fighting for that hope. For Cere.”

Greez rolled over, pressing his face into Cal’s shoulder as he cried. Cal’s arm came up to hold him, letting him let it out as he stared up at the blinking lights, listening to BD-1’s sad boops and wondering if the pain would ever stop.

Would he someday lose Greez, too? Merrin and Kata? Why was he still alive when everyone he cared about always ended up dead?

The darkness around him hummed louder this time. Whispered voices spoke to him in unknown languages. When he closed his eyes, he could see Dagan. He could see Bode. He saw Cere and Trilla, who beckoned him closer.

Before he could do anything, Merrin appeared behind his closed eyelids. Her voice echoed. I can’t lose you, too. His eyes shot open. He focused on Greez’ warmth, on the way his chest heaved. Greez needed him now. It wasn’t the time to feel sorry for himself.

He held him for a while until Greez slowly pulled away, wiping at his eyes sloppily. “Sorry, kid. You shouldn’t’ve had to see that.”

“It’s okay.” And he meant it. BD-1 nuzzled its head against Greez’ hand, and he gently pat the droid while Cal took the bottle from him.

Clearing his throat, perhaps trying to regain some composure, Greez looked tiredly up at the ceiling. “Next time I see Vader, I’m gonna kill him.”

Cal smiled, a little more genuine this time. “I’m sure you will, Greez.” Suddenly, the door slid open, and Merrin and Kata stood at the foot of the stairs. Merrin’s eyes were wide, perhaps scanning for danger until falling on the two men on the floor. For a second, no one spoke, until Cal lifted a hand in a half-hearted wave. “Hey.”

Kata rushed over, kneeling in between Cal and Greez. “Are you okay? Why are you here?”

“Oh, I just needed some peace and quiet, Kata. But you know Cal. He won’t leave ya alone,” Greez answered gently, seemingly sobering up the second she got close. She smiled slightly.

Merrin, meanwhile, let out a relieved sigh, shaking her head. “I woke up and you were both gone - I thought something happened…”

Cal sat up slowly, the bones along his back cracking painfully. “I’m sorry…I couldn’t sleep, and I had to go looking for Greez. I didn’t want to wake you up.”

She gave him a look. He knew she could help with the dreams - in fact, she often did - but he couldn’t ask that of her every single night. They’d had this conversation a lot. They decided not to continue it in front of Greez and Kata.

“I am glad you are both alright,” she said instead, looking at Greez now, clearly knowing that ‘alright’ was not quite the word that she should use in this situation as her gaze flicked toward the bottle Cal had placed on the floor.

“Of course I am. Nothin’ can get the best pilot in the galaxy down,” Greez replied, either a really good actor or genuinely feeling better just with Kata by his side. Cal couldn’t tell. “But layin’ on the floor ain’t so bad.”

Kata scrunched her face up. After looking at him skeptically, she lay down between Cal and Greez, her small frame fitting in the space perfectly. BD-1 happily hopped onto her chest as she looked up at the blinking lights, smiling. “It’s not as bright in here as it was at home.”

Cal hated that Nova Garon was ever considered home for her, but he didn’t voice it. Instead, he nodded, always trying to keep things light when she was around. “Yeah, it’s pretty great. Greez made this whole room for me. It’s nice to get off the Mantis sometimes.”

“I like going to new places,” Kata agreed, looking up at Merrin, who smiled back. The smile faded slightly as her eyes drifted toward Greez. Cal followed her gaze.

His eyes were closed, his two left arms resting on his chest that rose and fell with even breaths. All that crying had tired him out. Maybe the alcohol had a hand in it. Kata lifted her head to see, too, her lips parting in surprise.

“Is he asleep?” she whispered, her head swiveling to look at the other two. Merrin smiled, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes, and nodded.

“Yes.”

“Oh.” She bit her lip, then stood up, walking toward the small alcove where the bed was. She grabbed one of the rolled-up blankets, shook it out, and walked it back over. After shaking it out, she gently placed it over Greez, who mumbled something under his breath, and knelt down beside him. “We’re not gonna leave him alone, right?”

Cal, while trying to fight the burn in his eyes, exchanged a look with Merrin. Despite everything, Kata was so kind. He remembered Cere’s voice, urging him to guide her. He turned, gently ruffling her hair. “No, of course not. He’d want us here tonight.”

Pleased by that answer, Kata smiled and lay down between them again. Cal shrugged and lay down as well, raising his brows at Merrin, who sighed softly before joining them. He placed an arm around her. She lay her head on his chest. Things were quiet besides Greez’ soft breathing.

It was late, so it didn’t take long for Kata to join him. While she slept, she grabbed Cal’s free arm, happily snuggling it in place of her Mookie doll, while BD-1 nuzzled up next to his neck. For what felt like the millionth time, he held back tears as he stared up at the ceiling, a mix of sadness and gratitude surging him all at once.

Merrin lifted her head to look at him, gently sweeping hair from his eyes. He leaned into the touch, feeling his eyelids grow heavy by the moment as she took his hand in her own. “Sleep,” she said softly. “We are safe. I promise.”

Strangely enough, he felt too tired to argue. “Thank you,” he mumbled, weakly squeezing her hand before allowing his eyes to close.

On that floor, surrounded by his family, he had the best sleep he’d had in weeks.

[wrencatte]

@breakfastteatime said to release the words, and I know how to make her regret encouraging that. here are some words. 736 of them to be exact. And towards the end are some BD-1 related words that will probably get some all caps in my replies. worth it prompt: solitary confinement - fic WIP - prediction: 5k one-shot.

He’s missing for only a few hours before they find him.

Curled up in a tiny ball, legs tucked under his poncho protectively, he almost blends in with the shadows. If it weren’t for the undercurrent of despair in his signature like a homing beacon in the Force, Cere thinks she would’ve missed him completely. It’s a far cry from the laughter that rang over the comms not that long ago – laughter that had cut off abruptly into static and sent them all scrambling.

Cere drops into the little room. Her landing is far too loud is such a tiny space, yet Cal doesn’t react. He doesn’t even twitch. She shines her torch somewhere near his face, whispering his name – and gets nothing. She ducks down to check for consciousness, only for her stomach to sink at the sight of a dull, listless stare.

“Oh, Cal,” she breathes.

She brushes hair from his face, tucking it behind his ears. It’s getting long, she notes. There’s a massive bruise in the middle of his forehead, black-dark and smudged on the edges. His lips are red with blood, speckling his chin. She checks under his poncho for more injuries, using the Force to aid her when her eye fail, and finds nothing life threatening she can sense, so she pinches her torch between her knees and gathers his hands in hers.

They’re cold.

Cere cradles them carefully, inspecting the damage. More blood, caked into his nail beds, glistening on the tips where the skin is rubbed raw. He’s missing nails on his pink and ring fingers. She glances down and finds smears of red – and white scores in the stonework, and a fingernail laying innocently in the dim light cutting through from above. Her heart aches. What happened to you?

She squeezes his hands rhythmically, partly to keep him warm and partly, partly because this is just something they do, when they’re able, when Cal gets caught up in a drawn-out echo. He likes the anchor to the present, he told them. He never feels it when he’s actually in the echo itself, but it’s always the first thing he’s aware of when he comes out of it. It makes him feel safer, knowing he’s not alone.

This doesn’t look like an echo, but even after all these months she’s nowhere near an expert on psychometry.

“Come back, Cal,” she whispers anyway, his hands so cold and his gaze so empty.

He doesn’t respond.

“Cere,” Merrin hisses from above. “The system will auto-boot soon. The droid cannot stop this one.”

“I’ve got him,” she calls back. Merrin says nothing more, but she sees the Nightsister hover at the edge of the ceiling door, peering down at them with barely hidden anxiety.

Cere is gentle as she gathers Cal into her arms, the Force helping her bear the weight. She doesn’t want to let him go, but she pulls her power close and raises him slowly until he’s high enough for Merrin to take. She double checks that nothing was left behind then follows them up with a Force assisted jump.

Merrin cradles Cal in her arms like he’s something precious, her expression pained and horrified. His eyes are still open, thin slivers of dull green between his eyelashes. His head falls over the crook of Merrin’s arm, exposing his throat in a way that makes Cere swallow thickly. Merrin nudges him until his temple is resting on her shoulder instead, curled up smaller than either of them have ever seen.

“What did they do to you?” Merrin asks, voice low and dangerous, the air sparking green around her. “I will kill them.”

Cere lays a hand on her shoulder. “We take care of Cal first,” she says. Merrin glares at her for a long moment before she reluctantly nods then climbs to her feet. “BeeDee! We have him!”

The droid dashes out of the shadows, whirl-clicking quietly, and clambers up Merrin to perch on her shoulder. His optics flash as he tries to start up his scanner, but they’re too damaged. He bwoops almost silently. It sounds wretched through his ruined speakers.

Cere taps his chassis in reassurance before they're off, alarm blaring loudly behind them. It's too late though. They rush into the Mantis just as the guards mobilize, shouts starting up when they find the guards around the cellblock Cal was in already taken care of.

[jinmukangwrites]

Bad Things Happen Bingo; weep little lion man (1/14)

@badthingshappenbingo

Next

Prompt: Friendly Fire

Fandom: Star Wars: Jedi Fallen Order; Survivor

Rating: T

Warnings: light injury.

Notes: SURVIVOR SPOILERS PROCEED AT OWN RISK. Also yes I know this is a stretch interpretation of the prompt but hey if I'm going to lay awake at night thinking of Jedi Survivor one-shots then I'm going to put them to use and assign them a damn square. Also lemme know if you enjoyed this fic and would like continuations!

Ао3

Summary: After defeating Dagan Gera for a third and final time, the Compass ends up in Bode's hands without a scratch. He could go back to Jedha with Cal... but he's holding what he wants. He doesn't see the point in pretending any longer. He makes a split-second decision. Or: Bode's betrayal goes a bit differently.

-o-o-o-o-

The compass is in one piece.

Bode turns it over in his hands. It's odd, he almost expected his one way ticket out of here to be... grander. Heavier. Yet it's not, it's a simple cylinder with a greater purpose than to look as regal as the rest of the old Jedi temples.

And yet, he can't help but feel enchanted by the little device.

He's so caught up in finally holding the point of everything in his hands, that he almost misses what Cal says next.

"What if Dagan was right?"

Bode freezes. Laughs. "Are you sure you're not still, uh-" he uses a free hand to gesture vaguely. "You know?"

Cal stands up, face determined and step more steady that honestly Bode thinks it should be considering the still smoldering wound across his chest. "Think about it," he starts.

And Bode has thought about it. He's thought about it over and over and over again. It used to be something he didn't have to think about. When this whole thing started, it was so simple. He hardly cared about Cal Kestis, the Jedi who didn't know how to hide. He was a means to an end, a pathway to a greater reward. Yes, his friendship with him, in the beginning, was malicious. Parasitic. He needed Cal to trust him enough to let Cere Junda's location slip. It didn't take long for Cal to do so, but unfortunately, it also didn't take Bode long to find something... unintentional in their relationship.

He began to like Cal; and not only that, Cal's adventures eventually lead him to the perfect opportunity to take Kata and escape the Empire, the Jedi, and everything in-between for good.

He couldn't care less about Cordova, or Junda, Greeze, Merrin. They kept Cal noble. If it weren't for them, maybe Bode could have forced Cal to see that being selfish is the right call here.

Handing the Compass to the Hidden Path won't help anyone, especially not Bode's daughter.

It will keep people safe, sure, but for how long?

How long before the Empire noticed refugees and rebellious soldiers coming and going? How long before the Empire not only tracked them down... but found a way in without the compass?

If two determined Jedi of old could make one of these things, surely someone with the resources like the Emperor or Darth Vader would find a way easily.

His mind is decided even before Cal ends the conversation, a sympathetic smile on his face. "The others will want to see this, let's head back to Jedha."

Bode breathes. Nods his head. "Sure."

He makes an excuse that even to himself sounds lame, anything to get Cal to turn his back on him. It shouldn't make him feel as nauseous as it does when Cal doesn't question him. Doesn't bat an eye as Bode strolls a small distance away. Doesn't turn to double-check when he bends down to rub BD-1's head.

Bode watches with a lump in his throat, he doesn't want to hurt Cal, but he doesn't see any other way.

It's sickening how easy it is to throw the stun grenade and catch Cal in the radius. Cal is always on high alert, able to push a grenade, repulse a blaster bolt, parry a blow, within a pins drop of a notice. Bode knew how he felt about Cal, but this is the proof he needs that somewhere, Cal feels the same way.

Cal trusts Bode enough to let down his guard, and that's what makes it too easy to stab him in the back.

Bode wants to throw up.

But he doesn't, he doesn't waste any time as Cal's muscles seize in the radius of brutal electricity. He lowers the lethality of his blaster—low enough to be of no danger of killing, but high enough to hurt—and shoots Cal right at his knee.

The electricity stops and Cal goes down hard, screaming through clenched teeth at what must be the suffering of landing on his shoulder—jostling that still fresh lightsaber wound—with the added agony of twisting his now damaged knee on the way down.

Bode takes a step towards Cal, blaster drawn. "I'm sorry," he pushes through his teeth, "you'll understand soon."

"Bode?" Cal wheezes, his hands struggling to find purchase to haul himself upright.

Bode's heard his name said in that tone of voice hundreds of times. The Empire isn't the first galactic power to use his espionage. He knows the tone of betrayal well. Confusion. Hurt. He knows the look in Cal's eyes well when he turns to stare at Bode. The greens of his irises are so large and already watery. His face is twisted in pain, in anger, in shock.

He knows this all so well.

It's never hurt to see it like it does now.

But he can't go back. It's now, or failure.

"Bode? What is this?"

"Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you," he assures, approaching closer.

Cal's eyes flicker past Bode's face, but Bode notices too late before BD-1 is on his back jamming his slicer in-between Bode's shoulder blades.

Painful electricity bursts up and down his spine, but it's nothing compared to the shock in his grenades earlier. Those are meant to take down sapient creatures. A slicer is meant for simple electrical hacking. He's able to push through the pain, grabbing BD-1 by the head and launching the little droid across the room.

Cal's on his feet now, face twisted in agonized fury, knee bent wrong but persistently standing on it. "BD!"" He shouts as BD-1 hits a nearby control console and crashes to the ground. Cal glares at Bode, his shock at the situation melting at the sight of his droid being handled so roughly.

"I don't know what's wrong with you, Bode," he snarls, "walk away. We can talk. This won't end well, and we both know it."

His hand goes to his lightsaber, but doesn't grab it just yet.

Bode can't help but feel a flash of admiration for Cal. He's a survivor, to the point he's willing to fight friends who betray if it comes to his life.

That's the kind of Jedi this Galaxy needs now. Jedi who aren't afraid to fight for their lives and what they love, instead of hiding behind that passive aggressive neutrality. "Protectors" Bode's ass. It didn't work before the Empire, and it certainly won't keep anyone alive now.

That's why Bode has to do this.

Cal Kestis is his best friend. His brother. This beast fighting to survive will only become docile and weak if he continues like this, caring so much for the greater good at the cost of his own expense—at the cost of not thinking of what the consequences could be. It's suicide to take on the Empire, he wouldn't have joined them if he didn't think it would keep himself and his daughter reliably alive the longest.

Bode can't bear the thought of Cal ending like that, life wasted chasing an impossible dream. A noble one, Bode knows, but a useless one. He will die by the Empire if he continues like this, or worse, end up strapped to one of those chairs that turn good people into Inquisitors. Either way, it's as good as death.

"What's this about," Cal demands, eyes shooting down to the Compass Bode still holds in one hand. "Was this all for the Empire?"

Bode almost wants to laugh. He's so innocent. Not all the selfish people in the world are Imperial sympathizers.

Instead he meets Cal's glare as coolly as he can. "At first. But with this," he says, raising the Compass to chest height, "we can escape all of it. The dead Order, the Empire. We can be safe on Tanalor, never having to worry."

Cal looks so angry his ears are turning red at the tips. "That's the point!" He shouts, still leaning lopsided on his bad knee. "We can help people there, the Hidden Path-"

Bode shakes his head. "It's not that simple, brother. The Hidden Path, this grand plan of yours, it's only going to get you killed and destroy possibly the last and only safe place from the Empire. I can't let you take this back to them, and I can't let you die with them."

Cal freezes. "What are you talking about?"

Bode lowers the Compass, storing it safely in a pouch on his belt. "Surrender willingly, Cal. The Empire doesn't have to know about Jedha; about Cere." He takes a cautious step forward, Cal stays dangerously still. "The Inquisitors don't have to know."

Grim understanding falls across Cal's face, almost shadowing his features despite the room being pretty thoroughly lit.

A flurry of angry sounding beeps and whistles sound across the room. BD-1 has made it to his feet, the antennas pulled back like a predator. Bode doesn't know Binary, but it seems, that's all Cal needed to make up his mind.

"I'm sorry," Bode says, twisting the barrel of his gun towards BD-1, turning up the lethality. He doesn't want to hurt the droid—out of all of Cal's friends, Bode liked BD-1 the most—but it's just another soul to make Cal a martyr. The less people Cal has to justify his hero complex, the quicker Cal will understand what Bode is trying to offer.

A better life. No more looking over your shoulder.

"NO!" Cal shouts, sensing Bode's intentions.

Bode swears, he knows how quick a lightsaber draw Cal is, quicker than most Jedi Bode's seen even before the Order's fall. He swings his torso back towards Cal, shooting blindly at the droid and missing by metaphorical hairs. Cal has his lightsaber in his hand, about to burst it into power, and Bode does the only thing he can.

He grabs the lightsaber with the Force, tearing it out of Cal's hand and sending it flying towards his own. The surprise of the Force and the weapon being ripped from his grasp causes Cal to shout and stumble forward on his bad knee. His eyes are wide in shock, wider than they were at the initial betrayal, but Bode knew this revelation would hurt Cal more than anything

Surprise him, more than anything.

Bode grabs the lightsaber, not bothering to light it yet, or think too deeply on how wrong it feels in his hands, how deeply it does not belong to him, and he shoves Cal back with a burst of Force.

Cal gets knocked into his back, sliding a foot or two, groaning.

"You're not the only one who survived."

BD-1 makes to run towards them to do who knows what, but Cal holds a hand out and shoves BD-1 further away. "Warn the others!Tell them to run!" Cal shouts.

Growling, Bode aims his blaster at the droid once again, but BD-1 is already nearly out the door leaving a trail of sad, reluctant, but determined boops. Bode forces himself to ignore the droid, knowing that when it comes to an angry Force user, you don't have time to focus on anything else for long.

Cal's like a cornered animal, Bode discovers, when he's forced to fight without his lightsaber and on the ground wounded. He snarls at Bode and attempts to grab him with the Force, to do what Bode can't be sure. He's trained enough to know how to resist another's reckless tug on the Force, he may be a little rusty but it's childsplay to steady himself within the Galaxy, refusing to be knocked over.

Cal swears at him, abandoning his hopeless task of standing back up—Bode really would have appreciated having BD-1's STIMs right now—in favor of kicking with his good leg and punching with fists that aren't shaped right for something so offensive. Stars, kid barely knew how to fight without a lightsaber. Like this, he's no more scary than the corpse of Dagan laying a few steps away.

The scuffle that happens soon after takes longer than it should. Sure, Cal is a powerful Jedi with a decade of fighting dirty to survive under his belt not even considering the adrenaline he must be under, but Bode's bigger and physically stronger and he's not the one sporting a lightsaber wound to the chest and a blaster to the knee.

Bode can't get Cal pinned, not with him snarling—practically hissing—and squirming like that. Bode shoves him hard on the collarbone, pushing him so his shoulder-blades land roughly on the floor. "Enough!" he says, just as a bright flash of light and a familiar humming fills the space between them.

Cal goes deathly still, furious, as the blade of his own lightsaber rests between his jaw and shoulder, angling up from the floor and under his chin. The heat must be irritating from this small distance from skin contact, but Cal grinds his teeth and looks Bode right in the eyes; fingers digging into the belts of Bode's blaster holsters.

"Last chance, Bode," he says evenly.

"You'll thank me," Bode says back, "in time."

Then he slams down his other hand, hitting the back of his blaster against Cal's temples.

Bode knows how to knock out an enemy he needs alive. It's easy to do, like breathing.

Cal goes limp without a single word more, eyes fluttering but getting closer to closing. Bode retracts the lightsaber and stands up over his nearly unconscious friend. The communicator he lifts to his mouth feels heavy, but he gave Cal an option, and he didn't take it.

"This is a secure channel! How did you-"

"Listen to me, I'm an Imperial agent who has located a terrorist cell on Jedha. Don't trust your scanners, just follow these coordinates," he rattles off a string of numbers. "There are multiple Jedi at this location, inform the Inquisitorius at once. If Lord Vader wants Cere Junda, he'd better hurry."

It's tempting to drop the communicator then and smash it between the floor and the heel of his boot, but he doesn't. If he does he knows it would feel too much like regret.

Cal's lost his grasp on the land-of-the-awake completely by the time Bode works himself into the mindset solid enough to continue with this admittedly un-thought-through plan. He won't fool himself into thinking Cal wouldn't try to fight back the second he's awake enough to do so, so first thing to figure out is how to effectively keep Cal... helpless... until he can get to Nova Garon, get Kata packed, and nab some Force resistant restraints on the way out.

Luckily, right now, there's plenty of clothes Dagan Gera is no longer in need of. He tears strips from the thick robes and ties Cal's arms behind his back, wrists to elbows, and for good measure he takes a belt and wraps it around Cal's forearms. He then takes more stripped cloth and binds Cal's ankles and knees to their counterparts—careful of the wound, but not too much that the bindings are loose, it's nothing some bacta won't fix later. He also stuffs the blaster he gave Cal what feels like lifetimes ago now into his belt, refusing to think further into it.

He forces himself to work with efficiency, not thinking too deep about how wrong this feels. He never intended to kidnap Cal. He honestly hoped he'd have more time to convince Cal out of his martyrdom.

Hefting Cal over his shoulder, he quickly begins to make the trek back to where he left his ship.... Though not before grabbing Dagan Gera's lightsaber and hooking both blades onto his belt.

[fanfoolishness]

Jedi: Fallen Order musings

Ahhh I finished the game! I suppose I don't really need to put spoiler tags for it, since it's several years old. But it was highly enjoyable and I loved it!

I love how much games are embracing character work these days. I expect it from Bioware, of course, but seeing it from EA and a major property like Star Wars is still really refreshing. I should have guessed that a story set just a few years after Order 66 about a young Jedi would be full of trauma, but I wasn't expecting it to be as in-depth and sensitive as it was. Trauma colors everything in this story, from Cal's wounded connection to the Force, to Cere cutting herself off from it entirely, to Merrin's fear and grief. Even BD-1 grieves his old friend and master and Greez still misses his great-grandmother.

I've seen a few articles about how Cal seemed like a flat or boring character, but I didn't get that at all. He's an 18-year-old young man whose childhood was obliterated by war, who's so afraid of his past and his power that he hasn't tried to leave Bracca in 5 years. He's so guarded at first, because he's had to be. He's slow to trust Cere and Greez, and that trust is broken when he learns what happened to Cere's Padawan. In his youth he reacts like many of us would -- arrogantly and self-righteously -- but it all flows from the deep scars he carries and is so afraid to face from losing his own Master. Fear leads to anger, of course.

He's afraid of trusting again, afraid of being hurt again, so afraid that it isn't until 3/4 of the way through the game that he finally bears to revisit the memories again from Order 66. Facing that loss, and that guilt for not being able to save his master, incapacitates him so badly that a Force vision shatters his lightsaber. (The game remembers it, too, and the animation of Cal reaching out of habit for his lightsaber and realizing it's broken every time you try to use it is heartbreaking.) When he goes to Ilum to try to forge a new lightsaber, he can't help but remember when he came here as a Padawan. BD-1 checks in on him and Cal tells him, no, he's not okay, it's hard for him to be there. The kid is just a massive ball of pain and trauma and watching him slowly unravel that and move forward through the course of the game is a powerful journey. No personality, my ass, LOL.

And Cere's journey! Her grief is far more complex than Cal's because she bears more guilt, and she was a fully fledged Jedi who thought she could keep others safe, and she failed. Fear and anger rule her, too, but despite that she's stubborn as hell, holding onto hope through everything. Her grief and suffering are revealed slowly and carefully through the game, and seeing the way she starts to heal by mentoring Cal is beautiful. When he falls down, she picks him up, even when he distrusts her -- and when she falls, too, he echoes her teaching back to her and helps her rise. Seeing her recovery of her confidence, her skills, her trust in herself -- ahh I'm tearing up again thinking about it. Also, she is fucking badass with a lightsaber!!!

I'm really excited to see what happens with Merrin in Jedi: Survivor (no spoilers, please!). Can't believe a Jedi and a Nightsister could find common ground, but "I'm the last of my kind" is a trauma bond like no other! I love her weird unsettling energy and the fact that she teases Greez and that when she had a choice to stay in the graveyard of her people and the past or strike out into the unknown, she chose to go.

... Reminds me, I still gotta go find all the seeds for Greez's terrarium. How else will he have the best space garden if not for me? Love him too. I'm always a sucker for gruff scoundrel accidentally catches family feels, and he's no exception.

And BD-1. My buddy, my friend, my savior, my companion. I loved Cal able to warm up and be relaxed with BD, and I loved BD's absolute helpfulness and sweet little noises. If anything happens to him I WILL kill everyone and then myself. ... same goes for Cal, in the end...

Note, I am hoping that whatever happens to Cal and BD, that it's hopeful. Jedi have a nasty habit of all dying out by A New Hope, but uh... maybe Cal will be different! We can hope!!! ;_; Well, we're just not gonna think about that.

I liked the ending. The further we kept going I started agreeing with Merrin and thinking "is this holocron such a good thing to have?" Cal's vision of the Padawans being tortured and himself as an Inquisitor, and the wisdom from the Zeffo sages bemoaning their hubris and the extinction they faced, certainly made it seem like trying to rebuild the Order wasn't the right choice, at least for now. As Cordova said, failure is part of the journey. Honestly a hopeful life lesson and one I need to remember when things don't come out as planned or hoped.

Also. How about Darth Vader just DESTROYING you? I had to look up how to get away because I just kept insta-dying with the Force choke XD The ONLY way to have him duel you is to just show instantly that you are NOWHERE NEAR HIS LEVEL! Dude didn't even get a health bar ahahahahah it was hopeless XD

Other scattered thoughts: with the exception of the Wookiees (sorry, hair technology just wasn't far enough along yet for them), the graphics were gorgeous. I loved exploring the different areas, especially as I gained more skills and abilities, and collecting creature logs and Force echoes. Cal's psychometry skill is very, very cool and I loved it. And I adored the Origin Tree! WOW! Did anyone else get a King's Quest vibe from it? I mean, come on!

In the meantime, where's my Fallen Order people to yell at? I haven't played more than 20 minutes of Survivor so all I can say about that is Cal's new beard and TATTOO are pretty great, though I miss my poncho ;_; but if anyone wants to yell about the first game with me, I'm here!

[stardustandash]

Nerf and Noodle Soup

Whumptober Day 2: Trust Issues – Role Reversal

The galley is half torn apart at this point in their flight, and Greez can’t help but wish he had slightly more blood left in his body, because what’s happening to his beautifully arranged kitchen is worth getting his blood pressure up over. Instead, he remains slumped at the galley table, watching the destruction of his favourite place in the galaxy.

Ao3 Link

“You know, you could always go wait in the lounge. Or your room. Somewhere you can’t sit and watch and fret,” says Cal as he rummages through the galley cupboards instead of listening to Greez’ helpful instructions.

The galley is half torn apart at this point in their flight, and Greez can’t help but wish he had slightly more blood left in his body, because what’s happening to his beautifully arranged kitchen is worth getting his blood pressure up over. Instead, he remains slumped at the galley table, watching the destruction of his favourite place in the galaxy.

“And leave you alone in the kitchen? No thanks.”

“Would you rather it be Cere in here?” asks Cal with a pointed look towards a large scorch mark and dent above the cooker.

Greez sighs. Out of all of them, it is best that Cal takes on cooking duties for now. Merrin is likely to feed them something like a nautalan’s liver. Or the wings from one of those very large people-eating dathomirian bats. Cere would set the ship on fire. Again. And don’t even get him started about the droid. BD-1 is never touching anything Greez puts in his mouth. Cal at least somehow kept himself alive during those years on Bracca, but Greez is starting to have an appreciation for just how far portions and other packaged meals will go. Both in terms of how much nutrition they actually provide and how ego-boosting they are for the kitchen.

“You’ll do. But for the last time, the Alderaan spices are on the bottom left, and the Lateron are in the middle upper part of the drawer. You can’t just mix the two when making nerf and noodle soup,” says Greez. “They’re completely different palates.”

Cal sighs and puts the offending spice away. It doesn’t escape Greez that he puts it back in completely the wrong spot since the kid’s trying to check on him without drawing attention to it. He wishes Cal wouldn’t. He’s got enough to worry about with the food and the Jedi stuff without worrying about Greez. He’s had holes in his side before and he would again, especially if he kept hanging around with this crew or went back to gambling.

At least nerf and noodle soup is basic enough that even the kid can make it. Hopefully without poisoning anyone or putting a hole through the ship. Cal is, at least, paying attention to the recipe written out in Greez’ old battered flimsi cookbook, though whenever he touches the pages he does that weird blank-faced thing Cere described as ‘seeing the past’. At least he isn’t on the floor screaming from anything. But with the luck they’ve been having lately there’s still time for that.

Greez slumps a little further into his seat. The lounge would be comfier, Cal does have a point there, but he just can’t wrap his head around getting up. Or wrap his head around much of anything. He’s pretty sure Cal is putting in the right vegetables, but it’s hard to tell when he keeps turning into a blue blur with a bright red topper. It’s his job to make sure that the people on this ship get fed, and even if he’s gotta supervise a blob he’s sure as Bantha shit going to do it.

Which is why Greez doesn’t say anything as the world gets slightly fuzzy around the edges. Or when breathing starts to feel like it’s pulling at the edges of his wound. Maybe he should say something. He’s probably due for another round of fresh bacta patches and painkillers, and he needs to make sure Cere isn’t piloting them off course.

“Don’t forget to brown the nerf first,” is what he says. Or tries to say. The whole thing comes out in a tangle of sounds he’s pretty sure are still decipherable.

The next thing Greez is aware of is being cradled in someone’s arms. He’s also a lot more horizontal than he was a second ago. The blurry red shape above him eventually resolves itself into Cal’s worried face and he tries to push himself away from the kid. He’s fine, there’s no need for anyone to fuss over him. He’s the one who does the fussing around here.

“Woah, Greez. Stay still for a minute, you just passed out,” says Cal.

The arms around Greez tighten and keep him locked in place. Rolling his eyes, Greez lets Cal ease him down to the cold tile of the galley floor. The chill is rather refreshing, even if it’s giving Greez a view of just how many crumbs are scattered across the tile. He needs to do a deep clean soon.

“I’m fine, kid. Just got a little lightheaded. Not quite as dramatic as some of the things you’ve pulled, which, let me tell you, have been far worse.”

Greez’ words fall on deaf ears as Cal ignores him in favour of pulling up his shirt and checking the wound in his side. His fingers are gentle where they peel back the bacta patch and probe around the outskirts of the hole grazing Greez’ side.

“You sure you don’t want to go to a med centre or something? This is really nasty and the bacta’s only going so far,” says Cal.

Greez hasn’t seen the wound himself, except for right after it appeared in his side thanks to a Haxion Brood knife, but he knows it’s not nearly bad enough for a med centre. That’s only for things where he’s about to die unless he’s thrown in a tank. This? He’ll be back to flying and bustling about the kitchen in no time.

“I’m good. I’m good. This won’t keep me down for long, especially with the way you’ve been cooking.”

Cal frowns at him, whether offended by the commentary on his cooking or disbelieving his statement about the med centre was hard to tell. Then Greez feels an odd tingling sensation over the wound and realizes it’s not either of those options. It’s a frown of concentration and Cal is using some kind of freaky Jedi magic on him. Or trying to.

“Whatever you’re doing, you better stop,” says Greez with as much warning as he can muster.

The guilty look is enough to confirm that Cal was doing some Jedi nonsense. “At least let me put a fresh bacta patch on and put you on the couch.”

Greez grumbles, but the potolli-weave is far more comfortable than the galley floor or the stools around the table. Reluctantly he lets Cal pick him up off the floor and help him down the steps to land on the couch. Neither of them comment on how long it takes or how exhausted Greez is once they get there. Cal wordlessly applies a bacta patch to Greez’ side and escapes back into the galley. Greez sinks into the couch and listens to the sounds of soup being made, hating everything about the situation. He hates to be useless like this, when he can’t even do his job on the ship of keeping everyone fed.

Though he will admit, Cal makes a pretty good nerf and noodle soup.