#(mans just looks at both b.j and wes)

[mylittleredgirl]

All right, I know you just got here and you've barely finished S4, but now that your mind is opening to the wonders of queer Beej, it's time for me to massage your brain and ask the important question on my heart. Do You Ship It: Peg/BJ/Hawk, aka BJ bringing home his boyfriend after the war :D

this is a Secret Third Option answer because it's like I Don't Ship It YET because if the war ended after season four, i don't think bj would take hawkeye home. bj still thinks of himself as a guest at this unfortunate party, and while i think he's so so grateful to hawkeye for being there and they've gone through some things, he'd be very happy to lose everyone's phone number (he WOULD leave a note though. no matter what. he's got that one up on trapper.) (and i don't even know peg but i know she wouldn't lose hawkeye's phone number even if she has to get it from the army). they're just not close enough yet!! i think at this point b.j. understands how the war is changing him, but possibly not how hawkeye is personally changing him.

but i'm pretty sure i'll get there!!! i LOVEEEEE the idea of hawkeye having a soft place to land, and also after b.j. gets the shit kicked out of him by the war some more, i think hawkeye could actually help their marriage? like they could reacclimate to society together? like peg would see new b.j. and be like what the FUCK but if she has someone to compare him to, it's like oh yes in context this is still the man i married and here's the weird guy who loved him through the war and can help me figure out how to love him now, and look! we already have a common interest! and she's not going to kick this shelter dog out so now we're a family and we'll figure it out.

and i'm very, very easy for an ot3 and especially a marriage+ one :) so Watch This Space.

(and queer beej has a lot of the Gay Awakening story potential that i don't see so much in hawkeye/trapper, because both of those guys would be like oh? this too? i always kinda wondered without it fundamentally shaking their identity, and b.j. has to disappear for three weeks and maybe read some books before he can comment)

[shmaptainwrites]

[CH. 1] New Doctor on the Block

Chapter 1: A Warm Welcome

Pairings: Hawkeye Pierce x fem!Reader

Characters: Hawkeye Pierce, Sherman Potter, B.J. Hunnicutt, Radar O'Reilly, Margaret Houlihan, Frank Burns

Summary: Reader is the new surgeon at the 4077th M*A*S*H and finds herself, amidst trying to settle in, constantly butting heads with the chief surgeon.

Warnings: None, (no use of Y/N)

Note: The first chapter is finally up on Tumblr! This is my first MASH fic and I'm writing it as I'm watching the series for the first time, so if there are any major canon deviations that's probably why!

Series Masterlist - NDotB Masterlist

“It’s just when I read your file and saw you were a doctor I thought…” 

“You thought I was a man,” you filled in for the fumbling Colonel. “It’s alright Colonel Potter, you wouldn’t be the first person to have made that assumption, but I’m here to help in any way I can.” 

“What’s your specialty?” he asked, flipping through the pages in your file trying to see if there was anything else he’d missed in his first skim through. 

“Trauma surgery, sir. I worked as a nurse during the last year of the Second World War and when I got back home I applied to any medical school that would have me.” 

“Trauma surgery, must be serendipitous,” he chuckled and you gave him a polite smile. 

“Sir,” the Colonel’s clerk opened the door and stepped inside. 

“Oh Radar why don’t you-,” 

“Bring in Captains Pierce and Hunnicut and Majors Burns and Houlihan to meet the new recruit, already done sir,” 

The door opened wider and the four aforementioned officers stepped inside. The two Captains were both men, one tall with a bright smile and blond hair and the other with straight black hair and tinges of grey scattered throughout. Of the Majors, one was a man of average height and light brown hair while the other, you suspected, was the head nurse with her blond hair pinned behind her ears. 

“Pierce, Hunnicut, Burns, Houlihan, I’d like you to meet our newest recruit.” 

“We don’t normally do meet and greet with the nurses,” the black-haired one smirked. “But it’s a practice I’d love to continue,” he sent a wink at you. “What’s your name, honey?” he took your hand in his to shake but you removed it quickly from his grasp. 

“Doctor,” you responded. 

“What?” The rest of the company looked confused along with him. 

“I am a doctor , Captain. I worked just as hard if not harder for my medical degree and I’d appreciate it if you treated me as such, not like one of your nightly nurse companions.” 

“You’re a doctor?” the head nurse asked. 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“Her specialty is trauma surgery,” Colonel Potter told the team. 

“Trauma surgery, thank goodness, we couldn’t have handled another Frank,” the blond Captain sighed while the other Major looked like he was about to explode. 

“I take that to be a good thing, Captain?” you asked. 

“Very good. And call me B.J.” 

You chuckled, remembering a faint memory of a young boy named B.J. you'd seen come through the ER for swallowing the key to his father’s new car. 

“Consider it done,” you nodded.

“This is our main team of surgeons in the OR, you’ll be on rotations with them. It’ll be easier if you like them, but if you don’t you still have to work with them regardless.” 

“Work with, we have to live with him on top of working with him.” Pierce pointed to Major Burns. 

“Colonel! Why don’t you say anything to them?! They’re being insubordinate!” 

Colonel Potter sighed and looked over at Major Burns with a hint of contempt. 

“Major, I have better things to do than tell Pierce what to do only for him not to listen to me.” 

“I’m glad I’ve been universally recognized as a lost cause for the army,” Pierce grinned, using a hand to lean on the Colonel’s desk.

“Oh, this is going into my weekly report for the General. If it’s the last thing I do I will get you two in trouble for everything that you do!” 

“That’s a long list Frank, are you sure you can handle it?” B.J. asked. 

Before they could go any further the Colonel jumped in. 

“Captain, since you’re a female officer we’ll have you sharing quarters with Major Houlihan for now. We’ll send out for another tent and set it up for you as soon as it arrives.” 

“Thank you, Colonel, if the rest of you don’t mind I’d like to get settled. Major Houlihan, would you mind showing me the way?” 

“Not at all,” she smiled and placed a hand on your back, leading you out of the room. 

You grabbed your bags and followed the Major out into the camp and around to her quarters which were close to the OR. 

“We’ll get another cot in here for you, but for now you can make yourself at home,” she told you. “I just have to-,” she paused when she saw you pulled out a framed photo from your bag and placed it on one of the empty tables. “Is that your family?” she asked. 

You nodded your head. 

“My husband and kids,” you passed her the frame. 

“They’re adorable, what are their names?” 

“My oldest is Grant,” you pointed to the boy. “He’s eight and my daughter Julia is four.” 

“How precious. It must be hard being away from them.” 

“It is, but they’re in good hands,” you smiled. “You said you had to go somewhere, Major?” 

“Oh, yes, just to… chat with a colleague,” she handed you back the frame and headed out of the tent, leaving you to unpack the rest of your things in silence. 

—

“Hey Frank, nice stitching,” Pierce noted as he walked by the OR table on the way to his own patient. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, I really don’t think your glove is going to come out this time, you’ve got it in there good,” he teased and you rolled your eyes. 

“Captain Pierce, maybe you can focus on your bleeding patient instead of poking fun at Major Burns,” you commented while elbow-deep in your own patient. 

“Thank you, Captain. Finally, someone who recognizes good surgical talent and not just flash.” 

“I agree Major,” you nodded, “Although I believe you’re probably referring to yourself which I am not. If this is meatball surgery you’re doing meatloaf surgery.” 

“Ha! Hawkeye, looks like we’ve got some competition,” B.J. chuckled. 

“4-0 silk please nurse,” you looked at who was assisting you. It was still early and you hadn’t had a chance to learn everyone’s names, but you supposed it would come soon enough, after all, it wasn’t like you’d be leaving the war anytime soon. 

After a few more gruelling hours in the OR, all the casualties were finally attended to and you could step out to quickly get something for dinner before they cleared out the mess tent, and hopefully, afterwards, you could take a nice shower and wash all of the blood, dirt and sweat off of your body before crashing into bed and not waking up until you absolutely had to. 

You remembered what it was like to work during the Second World War, but this felt different. You were a doctor now, you had more responsibility to your patients and to the others working in the outfit with you, and on top of that you were a woman. It wasn’t every day you saw a woman surgeon let alone in the army. 

When you stepped inside the mess tent was practically empty aside from one familiar body sitting in the back corner with a cup of coffee and what looked like leftovers from yesterday’s lunch. 

You grabbed yourself a tray and served yourself a few things before going to join your fellow surgeon. Even if you were going to eat in silence you could at least do it in the presence of good company. 

B.J. sipped his coffee and spun a pen in his hand as he looked at a partially written-on paper in front of him. 

“Writing home?” you asked. 

“To my wife,” he nodded. “She sent me a letter with this beauty,” he showed you a picture of a small baby girl in a frilly dress with a bright smile on her face. 

“Oh she’s just adorable,” you cooed. “I still haven’t heard from my family, but I’m sure a letter is on its way.”

“You married?” he asked. 

You nodded your head and showed him the ring you had just put back on after leaving the OR. 

“How the hell did you end up here then?” he asked. 

“My husband’s got a medical condition that prevented him from being drafted, but they needed doctors so they took the next best thing,” 

“So your kids are with him then?” 

“Yeah, mom’s the one bringing in the paycheques for now,” you sighed. “How about you? Got a picture of your wife?” 

B.J. nodded and pulled one out of his pocket. A wedding photo, a smiling couple right outside a chapel. 

“She’s gorgeous,” you smiled. “You got yourself a catch there, B.J.” 

“She’s the light of my life,” he tucked the photo away again. “Her and little Erin. I keep thinking that she’s probably grown up so much since I last saw her and I just wish…” 

“You could be there at home, even just one night to tuck her in, give her a kiss, and read her a bedtime story?” 

“Exactly,” he nodded. “You haven’t even been here that long, how’d you know?” 

“It’s different for mothers,” you shrugged. “I could be away from them for an hour and feel like that. I just hope they always remember how much I love them and when the time comes I’ll be back with them again and I don’t plan on leaving.” 

“Me neither. After this I’d be happy only taking out tonsils for the rest of my life,” he laughed. 

“Man, maybe one day,” you chuckled with him. “But it’ll be back to the hospital for me. Only place that really needs trauma surgery stateside is the ER.” 

“That exciting enough for you?” he asked. 

“I found after coming back from the war, it was going to follow me around anyways. I may as well do something good with the experience.” 

“So this is your second round?” 

You nodded your head. 

“Makes you wonder how they can find so many things to fight about. I thought the end of the Second World War was supposed to bring the Great Peace. But war only brings more violence and war.” 

“I’ll drink to that,” 

You clinked your coffee cups together and further engaged in light chatter while you ate and B.J. continued to write his letter. 

“Any plans for this evening? They're showing a film, Trench Foot Through the Ages if I’m not mistaken,” he chuckled. 

“I’m gonna take a nice shower and fall into my bed and hopefully not get up until late tomorrow morning.” 

“If you think you can sleep through Radar’s rendition of Reveille I think you might be mistaken.” 

“We’ll see about that,” you gave him a sly smile before nodding your head and getting on your way, wondering how you’d ever gotten to a point where you were very happy to see an army cot. 

Tags:

@montyfandomlove

[expvrgction]

What did he just wake up to?

[wild-lavender-rose]

I love your work! For the hidden injury event, could we please get a “whose blood is that?” With Hawkeye Pierce from MASH? Thank you!

Of course, I'd be happy to, anon! This is such a great prompt to use for him.

For Hawkeye-

You looked up from your paperwork when Hawkeye stumbled into your private tent, pen slipping from your fingers as you stood. "Hawkeye," you ran to him.

"At your service, baby." He dropped his bag and caught you in a hug, followed by a deep kiss that left you both breathless.

“Wow," he smirked. "If this is the kinda welcome I get when I come back from three days at Tokyo, then you make me wanna leave for a month."

"Do that and I'll drop your smug face and run off with B.J.." You promised, sliding your hands around his waist.

"What a lucky man." Hawkeye bent his head for another kiss, only to pull away with a sharp cry.

Startled, you stepped back, looking down at the sensation of something warm and wet on your fingers. "Hawkeye, whose blood is this?" You held out your hand.

"It's nothing, sweetie, I promise." Hawkeye had a hand to his side as he tried to calm you, his face growing pale.

"B.J.!" You sidestepped him and pushed open the door. "B.J., get in here now!"

B.J. stuck his head out of the Swamp. "What's the matter?"

"Hawkeye's hurt," you turned back around only to see Hawkeye slumped on the ground. "Hawk!" You cried, throat burning with panic and tears as you knelt beside him.

Hawkeye didn't respond.

For you- 

     “Hey, it’s okay. Look at me.” Hawkeye put a hand to the side of your face, wincing with you as he brought your eyes up to his. “Just tell me the truth, sweetie. Whose blood is that?” 

     You swallowed hard, a tear slipping down your cheek. “S’mine, Hawk.” 

     Hawkeye’s gaze filled with pain. “Okay, sweetie. I’ve got you, it’s okay.” 

     “Hold me.” 

     “I will, I promise. First I’ve gotta clean this up.” He nodded to the blood that had seeped through your jacket, the blood you had been trying so hard to hide. “I’m gonna take off your jacket now, all right?” 

     You nodded. “I’m sorry, should’ve told you.” 

     “It’s okay, honey. Just let me fix you up and we’ll call it even.” 

Fanfic Masterlist

[kimby1967]

David Ogden Stiers stood up for stutterers in the real world, too

On M*A*S*H, Winchester stopped a stuttering soldier from being bullied. As a child, Stiers started acting to overcome his own stutter.

July 22, 2021, 7:12PM By MeTV Staff

Read to Me

Listen Now

 

"I should have known better than to give any kind of responsibility to a dummy," a cruel captain tells an injured soldier who is afflicted with a stutter in the M*A*S*H episode "Run for the Money."

Charles Winchester III, often haughty about his own precise, correct pronunciation, comes to the soldier’s defense, warning the captain he’ll be reprimanded if this bullying continues.

For David Ogden Stiers, who played Winchester, this particular story hit close to home.

When he was a young kid growing up, Stiers struggled with a stutter, and it was precisely that reason that he took up acting in the first place.

"I didn’t stutter when the lines were written for me," Stiers told Disabled Dealer Magazine in 2008. "Without lines to read was another story."

As Stiers practiced his lines, his diction improved, until one day his stutter seemed to disappear, almost without him really noticing.

"One day, I noticed that I wasn’t stuttering anymore, with or without lines," Stiers said. "I overcame it by not giving up, by continuing to play roles, and by overcoming my fear of saying something wrong, or sounding stupid."

Just like on the show where Winchester becomes overprotective of the stuttering soldier, Stiers also came to the defense of people struggling with disabilities in the real world. He said this came from a place of compassion, but also of valuing others who likely outshine him in other departments.

See More

Before M*A*S*H, David Ogden Stiers sustained a brutal injury that nearly ended his acting career

"The task of loving people doesn’t have to do with their worst aspects," Stiers said. "It has to do with their best aspects. My feeling, we’re all the same person, but differently expressed. There’s some things I can do others can’t, vice versa. We’re all accomplished. We’re all on the earth, and the more we help each other get our tasks accomplished, the better our lives."

On M*A*S*H, where all walks of life ended up on the gurney, this ethos fit in well, but this special stuttering story featured on the show wasn’t inspired by Stiers, but a different M*A*S*H cast member.

"Run for the Money" was the final episode where B.J. Hunnicutt actor Mike Farrell served as a writer. He had writing credits on four episodes total, but the stuttering in this last story might have harkened the actor back to the very first moment he got brought on to do the show.

In his memoir Just Call Me Mike, Farrell wrote that when M*A*S*H decided to replace Trapper John, they explained how B.J. would depart from the original Hawkeye sidekick by doggedly intending to be faithful to his wife, and then they asked Farrell, "Does that sound interesting?"

"It sounded too good to be true," Farrell wrote. "I summoned all my savoir-faire and tried not to slobber while stuttering through the rest of the conversation."

Stiers encouraged looking past a stutter or any other disability, so you can see how much each person truly has to offer. For Farrell, joining M*A*S*H became a moment where he discovered he had more to offer than just acting, contributing writing and directing, despite being new to both creative tasks.

His stuttering when invited to do M*A*S*H didn’t stop him from reaching that potential any more than Stiers’ persistent stutter stopped him from achieving his ambitions as an actor.

"Ours was a safe setting for me to spread my wings," Farrell confirmed.

@topshelf2112-blog @annikat12 @mostlymash @blue-ravens @major-charlie Just when you think you can't possibly LOVE this wonderful man more!! DOS ❤❤❤❤❤

[make-me-imagine]

🍫13 Days of Halloween: Day 6

Prompts: “Where is all the Halloween candy?” “I don’t know” “Y/n”  

((Prompt changed slightly to match characterization))

Requested by: Anonymous

Pairing: Reader x M*A*S*H Unit (Platonic)

Gender: Neutral      Triggers: None

Words: 1,585     Genre: Humor; Hijinks

Note: Thank you for requesting M*A*S*H! I hope I did it justice~ The time-line might not match up, but whatever. 

You sat down with a sigh as Hawkeye and B.J. fixed themselves a drink, Radar scribbled on his notepad, while Potter sat nearby tapping his finger against his chin. 

“So after post op, we’ll invite the nearby villagers, hand out a bunch of candy to the kiddies, and then we’ll have ourselves a nice party” Potter recited as Radar nodded along.

“Sounds like a pretty good plan” you replied “How does Frank feel about it?” 

“He doesn’t know yet” Hawkeye said, coming to sit next to you “We don’t think it’s necessary to tell his highness, he’ll complain about it either way”

“Who knows, maybe he’ll think it’s a grand idea” B.J. suggested as he sat on his own cot. 

“It’s Frank, B.J., his grand idea of a Halloween party would include everyone dressed in their fatigues dancing 6-feet apart to the tune of the star spangled banner.”

You smiled at Hawkeyes comment as he turned to you “So Y/n, have you decided what you’re going to wear?”

You shrugged “Probably something in a khaki color” you tugged on your pants as you spoke, knowing you had nothing to really wear. 

“Oh come on, you gotta dress up, we are!” B.J. said

“I’d love to dress up Beej but I have nothing to wear, I ordered a costume but it never came, I asked Klinger but he’s already given half of his clothes to the rest of the camp to wear.”

Hawkeye patted your leg, leaving his hand on your knee “We’ll find something.”

“I don’t know if I’d want to wear something you’d suggest” you replied with a note of suspicion. 

Hawkeye gave you an offended look “I have great taste in clothes!”

“You’re idea for a costume would be my birthday suit.”

“Oh, now that is an idea” he replied with a smirk, making you roll your eyes.

“Uh, Sir” Radar spoke up

“Yes Radar.” Potter asked

“There is just one problem with all of this” 

“What’s that Radar? You’re costume come in the wrong size?” B.J. quipped.

“Huh? Oh, no it's fine, well actually it is a little big, but that’s not it, I just, uh but  the requisition order for Halloween candy never came in. We’ve got some, but not enough for all the kids and for our party” 

You frowned at the news “And everyone donated money and or candy already?” 

“Yep, I mean everyone but Major Burns, but that’s because he still doesn’t know about the party”

You, Hawk and B.J. all exchanged knowing looks. Just as you did Frank came bumbling into the swamp, large package in hand “What’s that Frank?” Hawkeye asked.

“None of your beeswax!” Frank yelled aggressively, turning, he sees Potter “Oh, Colonel, hello”

You chuckled quietly at his sudden change in demeanor as he set down the package with a thud. “What’s in the box Burns?” Potter asked repeating Hawkeyes question.

“Oh. Uh, just a package from home” he answered as he began to open the package. 

“That’s nice. Well, in other news, Frank, we’re thinking of throwing a little soiree for Halloween, you got any candy you can donate, or money so we can buy some?” Potter asked. 

“A soiree? Sir that’s highly un-military” you and the others rolled your eyes as he began “And to answer your question, no, I don’t have any candy to donate, and I wont donate any money for your party” just as he answered, he opened the box, which was chock full of various candy bars and other bags of Halloween candy.

You and the others stood and hovered as you pointed at the box “Now you do!”

“What?! No, this is from my family, you can’t have it!”

“Oh come on Frank” Hawkeye began “We don’t want it all, just donate some! There’s no way you can eat all that yourself!”

“Just watch me!” Frank yelled as he stood, box in hand as he exited the swamp, dropping a couple pieces of candy on the way, which Radar scooped up.

You and the others exchanged annoyed looks as you watched Frank run across the courtyard, clearly towards Margaret’s quarters. “Oh, we’ll get that candy Frank” Hawkeye muttered quietly, so only you and B.J. could hear.

-

After a few failed attempts at retrieving the candy from Frank, Hawkeye and B.J. were about to give up, but tried one more time the day of the party as they cornered Frank in post-op “Where’s the candy Frank?” Hawkeye asked. 

“We just want some, for the kids Frank, think of the kids!” B.J. cut in.

“I don’t care, they’re not my kids! It doesn’t matter anyway, I ate it all” Frank said with a smug look on his face. 

Hawkeye scoffed “Frank if you ate all that candy then you’d be comatose.”

Frank scowled at Hawkeye as he turned to leave, Hawkeye and B.J. shared an exasperated look as they followed him out. Looking around, they see the nearby locals arriving, kids excited for having been told they’d be given candy.

“Frank, what can we do for you to to grow a heart and donate some of that candy?” B.J. asked.

Frank turned, seeming to think it over “You can’t make any jokes at me for the next month! And you must act accordingly in my presence, salutes and all!” 

Hawkeye and B.J. shared a look of disdain “Fine, fine! Just show us the candy Frank” B.J. muttered out

Frank smirked at them as he turned, leading them towards Margaret's tent, where he had been hiding the candy. You had been walking across the camp as came across them “What’s up guys?” 

“Frank agreed to give us some of the candy”

“Oh, is that so?” you asked, something in your voice that made B.J. and Hawkeye hesitate, but continued to follow Frank as you tagged along.

Entering into the tent, Frank opened up the closet pulling out the box. As he opened it, the three of you stood behind him watching. Hawkeye glanced at you, you met his eyes for a moment and smirked, making him curious. 

“Hey!” Frank called, earning all of your attention.

He dumped out the box, and all that fell out were some cans of corn and some loose pieces of candy. “He really did eat it all” B.J. muttered in disbelief. 

“Or maybe Margarete had a midnight craving” Hawkeye quipped before looking down at Frank “Where’s the candy Frank?” he asked, clearly frustrated.

“How am I supposed to know, it was in here earlier!”

“Maybe the candy-man took it” you joked, clearly not bothered by the missing candy. 

Hawkeye and B.J. looked at you, gathering you had something to do with it. And so did Frank. Standing, he eyed you “Where is the Halloween candy?” 

You looked at him, feigning offense while shrugging “I don’t know”

“Captain L/n” Frank began, pointing his finger at you, stopping only when the sudden sound of happy yelling children distracted you. 

Frank walked away, looking out of the tent, seeing a large group of kids jumping around as Father Mulcahy and a few nurses began handing out candy. Frank squinted as he looked closer “Hey! That’s my candy!”

As this was happening Hawkeye and B.J. looked back at you, amusement on their faces, knowing you had to be the one to do this. You looked at them, winking as they laughed out loud. 

Frank turned in anger, pointing his finger at all of you “I know you did this, you stole from me. After I get back my candy, I- I’ll, I’ll have you all on report!” 

“Don’t tell me you’re gonna go take your candy back from those kids Frank?!” B.J. asked incredulously. 

“I know you have stooped low before Frank but don’t tell me you’d actually take candy from a baby?” Hawkeye asked.

Frank opened his mouth to speak but stopped, turning and looking at the kids and then turning back “Well, why shouldn’t I? It’s my candy!”

You all rolled your eyes, as Margaret jogged up, “Oh, Major Burns you are so kind!”

“Oh, uh, thank you Margar- Uh I mean Major Houlihan, but uh, what are you talking about?” 

“Well, Captain L/n told me you had donated all that candy, and now look at all the kids they’re having so much fun!” she spoke with a wide smile.

Frank, Hawk and B.J. all turned to look at you as you stared at Frank with a blank face, hands in your pockets “Frank certainly is a kind and generous man isn’t he?” you asked, no emotion in your voice. 

“Oh he really is!” Margaret said as he smiled widely at Frank.

Frank hesitated, looking between you and Margaret “Oh, well, we do what we can Major” he feigned, taking the credit as you internally rolled your eyes.

Margaret suddenly pulled Frank away and towards the group of kids. Feeling pressure on both your shoulders, you look back and forth seeing both Hawkeye and B.J. resting their arms on your shoulder “Here we were, threatening him to give us the candy, and you swept in like a thief in the night” B.J. commented, still amused.

“Well now that that’s over” Hawkeye paused looking down at you with a smile “I’ve got a costume for you I think you’ll like” he smirked

“Oh no” you muttered. 

Hawkeye’s smirk only grew as he and B.J. shared a knowing look “Oh, yes”. Hawkeye looped his arm through yours as he began to drag you towards the Swamp, B.J. following behind.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Again, this was my first time writing for M*A*S*H, so I’m not sure if I did it justice lol, but I hoped you like it anyways. And please request more M*A*S*H in the future! I did enjoy writing for it and the characters!!

Please consider reblogging this, as this is a very small fandom, so reblogging it would be one of the best ways to spread it to other MASH lovers :)

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 98

I hope everyone is ready for Warlord Bowl!

Warnings in this chapter for violence and blood. Also food, although I think my entire story needs to be flagged with that one.

If you like this chapter, @baelpenrose was a huge help with the fight scenes, which I - quite frankly - stink at writing.  If you don’t like this chapter, well -  I stink at writing fight scenes.

Despite my best efforts - and multiple denials to Charly’s requests for concession stands - the gym area was packed shoulder-to-shoulder for the duel between Jokul and Arthur. People I had never seen populated the stands, while I was surrounded by my family. Conor sat to my left, with Maverick behind me and Tyche to my right.

Cronch, cronch. “Charly,” I sighed. “What did I tell you about the popcorn?” Daggers shot to my right, if I managed my sister’s glared correctly.

Apparently not. “No concession stand for the duel,” Charly recited just before she stuffed another handful of popcorn into her mouth.

“And where did that come from?”

“My quarters.” Cronch.

“Swear you aren’t selling it?”

“Naw e’en…” Swallow. “The recipe. This is my personal popcorn, thankyewverymuch.”

“Then why is it blue?” I asked, not completely assured she wasn’t running a black market popcorn ring.

Which made me sound entirely paranoid, but still. This was Charly.

“I wanted it to be blue,” she shrugged, holding a handful up to me.

I glared at the snack, wary. “Does it taste blue?”

Her response was a shrug. “Not really? It tastes like kettle corn. The food consoles are still trying to figure out popcorn, I think, and I wanted kettle corn, so I made a whirly pop on my own.”

Warily, I took a few kernels and gathered my courage to test them.  After swallowing, I frowned. “That’s… actually really good kettle corn....”

“Of course it is. I made it. Like I said,  I don’t think the food consoles understand ‘popcorn’ just yet.” Cronch, cronch. “Wasn’t risking it.”

“And you wanted it blue why…?”

She shrugged again. “Personal popcorn, why not?” With that, she tossed a few kernels of blue fluff in the air and caught them neatly in her mouth.

With a similar shrug, I snagged another handful. “So why are all these people here?”

To her credit, Charly scowled at me. “Warlord Bowl 2044? Do you really think anyone is going to miss out on this?”

“It was supposed to be secret,” I tried in vain, remembering Arthur’s point about that.

Almost as if she could read my mind, Charly snorted. “Eyeah. Hokay. Your personal warlord bestie issued a challenge in front of close to a hundred people and you really thought it would be kept a secret…”

“Not my personal warlord,” I tried, not even believing my own objection.

To my relief, a welcome voice popped up to my side. “She’s worked in call centers, she knows secrets don’t exist in closed systems,” Tyche interjected. “Oo! Popcorn?”

“Bad kettle corn,”  I warned. 

“Not blue-flavored, so I’m okay,” she clarified as she reached for a handful. “And anyway, this is less than I expected.”

“Do tell.”

“Well, there isn’t a stream to the entire ship.”

“Tyche!” I scolded for such an idea.

“Look, Miss-I-love-UFC-Fights-more-than-the-dudes-hitting-on-me, don’t act like this isn’t right up your alley,” Tyche pointed out with an arched eyebrow and a slurp through a straw

Hanging my head, I muttered. “Not my fault if they couldn’t appreciate B.J. Penn.” If I groaned, no one else heard it.

Tyche smacked my shoulder roughly. “Then you should love this fight. Judo versus… whatever the fuck Jokul says he is.”

“Unarmed grappling,” I supplied unnecessarily. Because who the fuck knew what that meant.

I was spared any further conversation by the arrival of our combatants.  Zach Khan appeared to be having the time of his life, hamming it up as the announcer. I had no clue where he got the microphone, and honestly just wondering if I should wonder about that gave me a headache. When he was announced, Jokul managed to earn both cheers and groans as he whipped off his robe and threw it to the side, leaving him standing shirtless like some over-dramatic anime villain.  His only concession to practicality, it seemed, since he left his hair braided in a queue down his back, practically begging for someone to use it as a handle in a fight.

Arthur managed to resist any similar shenanigans.  Instead, he just nodded when he was announced, flexing hands that were either taped or wearing gloves - I couldn’t tell at this distance. From what I could tell, he was wearing what he was picked up in: dark t-shirt, black jeans, and sturdy boots.  His glasses were nowhere to be seen, which made sense with a target as big as Jokul. Where his opponent was prowling around, seeming to be itching for the chance to fight, Arthur was standing eerily still.

And he looked deadly serious about this. I was starting to be grateful I made him promise not to kill the guy.

Finally, Zach seemed to run out of steam and announced the start of the match. Both of them were unarmed, thankfully, but that didn’t stop Jokul from charging headfirst at Arthur the moment he was allowed.  He made it about three steps before Arthur calmly sidestepped and simultaneously reached for an elbow and shoulder while planting one boot against his knee.  A quick full-body twist on Arthur’s part sent the larger man tumbling ass over teakettle.

Jokul managed to glare from his place on the floor, panting in either anger or adrenaline, while Arthur tilted his head like he was trying to figure out what he was looking at. “Can I just point out that, as one of the Ten Thousand, you are perhaps Darwin’s greatest failure along with being living proof that Miys is a terrible judge of character?”

I groaned and dropped my face to both hands while everyone around me snickered. “You got your fight, dork,” I muttered, knowing that Arthur couldn’t hear me and wouldn’t have listened even if he could. “Stop antagonizing him…..?”

A full-throated roar snapped my head up just in time to see Jokul launch himself from his place on the floor, only to end up right back there when Arthur threw him again.  And again.  Jokul repeatedly charged at his opponent, despite it getting him nowhere. It was a bit ridiculous, and it seemed Arthur agreed. After the third time throwing Jokul, he followed behind at a light jog and, as Jokul sat up, aimed a kick squarely at his jaw.  Before I could close my eyes to avoid the slightly-excessive violence, my jaw hit the floor when Arthur landed on his ass with one foot clenched between Jokul’s hands and shoved at an awkward angle. 

“That son of a bitch….” Tyche muttered beside me, while Charly just growled. Maverick and Conor were gripping my knee and shoulder hard enough that I just knew it would bruise.  

To my horror, it only got worse as Jokul wrapped his own legs around Arthur’s thigh and started trying to break the leg at the knee.  Before he could get enough leverage, Arthur managed to kick with his free leg hard enough to break the hold, but wasn’t quite able to get up fast enough to avoid Jokul pinning him to the floor.  Blows started raining down, with Arthur barely able to get his arms in place to protect his face.

I didn’t even realize I was biting my lip until I tasted blood. Threats against Jokul’s life were flowing from Charly’s lips like a prayer, and I was starting to wonder if I had enough hands to hold Tyche, Conor, and Maverick back from jumping in the improvised ring. But still, I couldn’t look away. I wouldn’t let myself look away, blaming myself for what I was watching.

It was Jokul’s turn to taunt, although they came out in staccato grunts instead of his usual crowing as he never let up his attack. “Better - fight - than - that - toothy - whore - but - you - aren’t - stopping - me - either. That - lying - bitch - is off - the Council - and - the rest - of you - will know - what a - real - leader - is.”

As soon as the last word was out of his mouth, Arthur lunged forward, taking a blow directly to the mouth but reaching for Jokul’s shoulder.  The attached arm spasmed and went limp, forcing Jokul to reach with the other one to try to pry Arthur off.  Instead, Arthur grabbed that hand and peeled the fingers back towards the wrist, twisting out from under Jokul as he stiffened in pain. As he got to his feet, Arthur twisted harder and further, with Jokul clenching his teeth to avoid screaming.

I lost all dignity at that point, surging to my feet and shouting. “Come on, Arthur!!!”  My sentiment was echoed by Charly screaming like a demon and incoherent cheers from Conor and Maverick.

Arthur showed no evidence of hearing us, his face full of the closest thing to rage I had seen on his face. There was no sign that he even realized his lip was split and blood dripped from his mouth.  Rather than the burning fury I was used to seeing on other people, he seemed possessed by this cold stillness that chilled me to the core - and it wasn’t even directed at me. 

In what looked like a Hail Mary, Jokul snapped his free hand around to grab Arthur’s ankle.  The attempt was in vain, because right as we could hear the wrist in Arthur’s hands snap, his foot slammed down on the other hand with a sickening crunch.  It took every ounce of willpower in me to keep from revisiting my evening meal when I saw blood trickle from beneath my friend’s boot.

When Jokul’s screams paused so he could take a breath, Arthur issued his ultimatum. “I can keep this up as long as you want to try, but I’m going to suggest you find a brain cell worth listening to and concede.  Nod if you understand me.”

Slowly, in small increments, Jokul bowed his head before raising it to look Arthur in the eye.

“Say you concede. Because if you don’t stop now, we are going to find out just how much damage Hujylsogox technology can repair.  And remember - that so-called lying bitch on the Council has already put it to the test a few times.”

Silence roared through the gymnasium as it felt like everyone present held their breath. One, two, three panting breaths later, Jokul’s mouth moved and his head nodded.

The next thing we knew, Arthur threw his opponent’s broken limb to the ground and stepped away. “Take him to a medbay.”

Charly’s cacophony of animalistic glee threatened to shake the Ark apart, while every bone in my body seemed to abandon me at once. Conor caught me with a speed born of much practice, while Maverick started to steer Charly in a path behind my sister so we could leave. I couldn’t even remember actually leaving the gym, too dazed from relief and the loss of adrenaline I hadn’t even realized flooded my system.  Charly’s blow-by-blow recap of the fight - in case any of us hadn’t been present for the event, apparently - turned into white noise as I fought the sudden urge to sleep.

At some point, I remembered hearing Tyche and Arthur’s voices arguing, which confused me because they both seemed insistent that I needed a medbay.  Why do I need a medbay? Arthur’s the one who got punched in the mouth… “Arthur needs stitches,” I mumbled.

“Sophia! Can you hear me?”

“Tyche, you are screaming. Of course I can hear you,” I retorted. “Why do I need to go to the medbay?”

“You… “ Arthur growled before being cut off by my sister.

“You passed out, Soph,” she explained in an aggrieved tone. “We didn’t know what happened. I said you just fainted from stress, Arthur was worried you were in shock somehow…”

“I said you needed to eat,” Maverick pointed out.

“Ding ding,” I joked half-heartedly. “I haven’t eaten recently.”

I could feel Conor tense up around me. “How recently have you eaten?”

“Evening meal?” I said sheepishly.  When I felt him take a deep breath, I answered the inevitable follow up question as sheepishly as I could manage. “Evening meal yesterday?”

Thump! “OW! Goddammit Conor,” I grumbled, rubbing my backside where it hit the deck. “You fucking dropped me…”

“You told me, if I caught you eating less than once every ten hours, you weren’t allowed cuddles until you had eaten two full meals.”

Tyche’s eyebrows flew as close to her hairline as possible. “Seriously, Sophia?”

“I forgot to eat for five days,” I admitted. “And…. Yeah. I passed out.  I’m trying to take care of myself, right? Although that didn’t mean you had to drop me.” I tried to scowl at him, but my eyes really couldn’t make it beyond his waist at that angle.

When I turned to get some help off the floor, Arthur was glaring - at me. “Eat.”

“Stitches,” I responded.  From this position, I could see at least one tooth was either broken or gone entirely. “And dental. That can’t feel good.”

He tried to scowl, but the flinch betrayed him. “Fine, you have a point. I’ll hit a medbay, everyone else find some food… Sophia, no cooking. You have - let’s see, it took Miys something like an hour and a half to fix a machete blow and an arrow in the chest, so I’ll be around ten minutes behind you. Fifteen, tops.”

My turn to make a face, apparently. “Not fair. I was chopped in half - it took three days to fix that!”

“I didn’t need organs cloned,” he replied airily, waving as he turned toward the closest medbay.  After three steps, he stopped, did an about face, and walked back past us and on ahead. When I opened my mouth to ask what he was doing, he held up one finger. “Not a word. He’s in that one, so I’ll find another.”

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[lady-divine-writes]

Kurtbastian one-shot - “Eyes on the Road” (Rated M)

Summary: Driving down the highway while on vacation, Kurt notices how tense his husband looks and decides to try something he saw in a movie once to loosen him up. It does the job a little too well ... (1970 words)

Notes: This is a re-write I decided to do for Halloween because I think it's really funny. XD Inspired by the movie 'Parenthood'.

Part 58 of Daddies.

Read on AO3.

“That was the insurance agent,” Sebastian says, putting his jacket around Kurt’s shoulders and rubbing his husband’s arms to keep the chill of the night air away. “They're sending a tow. We're gonna call an Uber to take us to the hotel, but they’ll have a rental for us in the morning.”

“That’s … that’s great,” Kurt grumbles. "Just peachy." 

Sebastian snickers. Kurt's cheeks flame red and he hangs his head. He can’t look Sebastian in the eyes, but he also doesn’t want to see Sebastian’s baby - his Porsche Cayman - wrapped around the trunk of an ancient English Oak.

Kurt isn't angry at his husband. This isn't Sebastian's fault. And for as bad as this night has been, Kurt is more embarrassed than upset.

“Are you alright? Nothing hurts? Nothing broken?” Sebastian asks for the fifth time, and for the fifth time, Kurt answers, “Yeah … sure … great.”

There’s nothing else Kurt can think of to say. Physically, he’s fine. Emotionally, he could live a hundred years and never, ever live this down.

Plus, Sebastian is being such a good sport about this.

That makes this whole situation suck worse.

They’re supposed to be on vacation. They got Thomas excused from school and took one week away to visit Kurt’s dad over Halloween. That way, Burt wouldn't have to travel hours to see his grandson dress in costume and go begging for candy. 

But Kurt and Sebastian had ulterior motives. They planned this trip to Ohio to escape everything: PTA meetings, stress, Sebastian’s ultra-needy clients, and Kurt’s new winter clothing line, coming together slowly, but on time for the Vogue Winter Extravaganza.

They'd been traveling to the city more than normal, and they both agreed that they'd forgotten how crowded and hectic it could be, especially at the start of the holidays. It's just Halloween, but that's the top step of a slide that shoots straight into Thanksgiving, loop-de-loops for a few weeks, then slingshots into Christmas.

Isabelle is pretty good about leaving Kurt be when he needs time away and diverting business calls to his receptionist. But Sebastian’s phone wouldn’t stop ringing, which tends to happen when every client you have thinks they're your only client. He shut the damn thing off, but that didn’t solve the problem. It only delayed it for a while. Once he turned it back on, he found he had a million messages, both text and voice, and in less than a minute, it began to ring again.

Sebastian had to change his ring tone. As much as he loves the song Running Home to You, he got sick of hearing it so much.

He didn't want this vacation to be the catalyst that made him hate it.

Driving down the interstate from the Hummel house to their hotel, Sebastian looked tense, gripping the wheel so tightly, Kurt thought he might tear it off the steering column. Kurt's dad and stepmom had noticed Sebastian on edge, too. They offered to take Thomas for the night, giving Kurt and Sebastian some alone time at their hotel.

But Kurt couldn't wait till they got there.

He had to do something. He’d never seen Sebastian so wound up.

He was afraid that if he didn’t find a way to calm Sebastian down, he’d snap, veer off the highway in a rage, and drive straight into a tree.

Not really, but Kurt had an appreciation for the dramatic.

At most, Sebastian would get back to their room and spend the whole night watching Battlestar Galactica reruns on TV. 

He'd been prescribed medication for a chronic case of stress-related acid reflux and had suffered three major bouts of insomnia since the beginning of the fiscal year. Kurt didn’t want that to happen again, not here, where they had come back to the familiar to get away from it all.

Kurt had an idea, but he didn’t know quite how to execute it. It wasn’t exactly his idea. It came from an old movie his dad had been watching during A&E’s Salute to Steve Martin. Kurt had rolled his eyes when he saw it, thought it immature and uncouth. But looking at Sebastian, a vein throbbing in his neck from the anxiety of phone call avoidance, Kurt thought he would give it a try.

What could it hurt?

Kurt had given Sebastian countless hand jobs while driving before. A blow job couldn’t be much more difficult.

Sebastian was focused on the road, his brain caught in a web of issues that had nothing to do with Lima, Halloween, visiting his in-laws, or even Kurt. He didn’t notice Kurt undo the buckle of his belt, unbutton the fly of his jeans, then sneak underneath his arm to get at his flaccid member. It took Kurt grabbing his husband’s cock and sticking it in his mouth before Sebastian reacted, jumping at the unexpected sensation of hot and wet, then letting out a long gasp as that heat crept under his skin.

“God, Kurt,” Sebastian moaned. “W-what are you doing? You can’t … we shouldn’t … be doing that now.”

"Wow," Kurt mumbled. "That's quite a change of tune for the man who used to accept a b.j. pretty much anywhere."

"True, but I'm older. Wiser. Undecided as to whether or not I want my obituary to mention that this is how I died."

“You don’t think you’re a good enough driver to handle a little distraction?” Kurt looked up from Sebastian’s lap, a half-smile on his moistened lips.

“I didn’t say that.” That, to Kurt, was as good as the go-ahead, and he went back to circling the head of Sebastian’s cock with his tongue. “B-but …” Sebastian interrupted in a shuddering voice, “w-what if a cop notices your head in my lap and we get pulled over?”

Kurt climbed up Sebastian’s chest - right hand stroking slowly, the fingers of his left threading into his husband’s hair. “I’ll just tell that nosy officer that I was sitting here beside my sexy husband, getting hard and bothered, and I couldn’t help myself. I just had to have my mouth on him. Then I’d tell him to move along.”

Sebastian smirked. “You’d say that, hmm?”

“You bet your gorgeous ass I would.” And Kurt sank slowly back into his husband’s lap to get his mouth around him again.

“But I wanna be able to properly enjoy it,” Sebastian whined as his husband’s talented tongue began long laps up and down his shaft.

“If you don’t enjoy it,” Kurt purred, “I promise a repeat performance back at the hotel.”

“Mmm, I'm gonna hold you to that.”

“Please do.” Kurt paused a moment to kiss Sebastian gently down the length of his erection – soft little pecks he knew drove his husband wild. “So relax, keep your eyes on the road, and try not to kill us, okay?”

“O-okay,” Sebastian agreed, adjusting his seat as far back as it would go and toeing the pedals to let Kurt work his magic.

Kurt hadn’t meant to make this the best b.j. of Sebastian’s life. He didn't even think that was possible at this point in Sebastian's sexual life. He had hoped to keep his husband at a low boil, relax him but leave him a horny mess so that when they got back to their room, the real fun could begin. But Sebastian sounded like he was enjoying it so much, that he was so desperate to cum, it spurred Kurt on. He found himself doing everything he could to make his husband moan louder, buck up into his mouth, swear like a sailor.

It didn’t take long to get Sebastian to the point where he was shallowly, but rhythmically, snapping his hips. And even though Kurt had intended on torturing him all the way back to their hotel, he was kind of relieved. He had heard Sebastian’s car engine rev twice now. Kurt couldn’t get a good look at the speedometer, but he had a feeling his husband might be exceeding the speed limit.

“Oh, God, Kurt. I’m … I’m cumming, Kurt. I’m …” It was at the moment of his fantastic climax that Sebastian shut his eyes for a split second, opening them when a horn honked too loud and much too close for comfort. Sebastian turned the wheel abruptly, swerving out of the path of oncoming traffic and plowing into a tree. How ever he hit the aged oak, the airbags malfunctioned, which turned out to be a blessing since the force behind one of those deploying might have snapped Kurt’s neck. As it was, Sebastian had managed to slow down enough that, even though the damage to the vehicle looked tremendous, the two shaken men were able to unbuckle their seat belts and exit the car.

Kurt’s mother always said that a separate God looked after fools and children.

Kurt peeks up at the smoking remains of Sebastian’s demolished engine.

Kurt is a thirty-five-year-old man. That definitely makes him a fool.

Flashing lights approach from the slow lane and pull up beside Sebastian’s wrecked Porsche. Kurt knew a highway patrol officer would probably be along any time, but he still didn’t want to have to face up to what happened. Not to a man with a badge and a gun.

The officer doesn’t get out of his patrol car right away, which unnerves Kurt. But he has to remember that the man has things he has to do first: run Sebastian’s plates, check the secret police database to make sure it’s not stolen, that two men fitting their descriptions aren’t wanted by the law. When the officer does leave his car, he has in his possession the brightest flashlight Kurt has ever seen. He shines it almost in their eyes, its beam bouncing from Sebastian, who raises a hand and waves; to Kurt, who nods solemnly and looks down at his shoes; to the once immaculate black car, folded almost in half. Luckily, no one had pulled over with them, either to help them or harass them, so the only two people who know what happened are Kurt and Sebastian.

And Kurt intends on taking this to his grave.

“Good evening,” the officer says. “You gentlemen look like you got yourselves into a bit of trouble.”

“Yes, sir,” Sebastian says. “I’m afraid we did.”

“Are either of you hurt? Do you need medical attention?”

Kurt curls in on himself further, but Sebastian shakes his head, cool and calm, as if his husband isn’t trying to disappear into his own skin like the house at the end of the movie Poltergeist that crumbled inside out before blinking out of existence.

“No,” Sebastian answers. “Luckily, we both came out okay. Not even a scratch.”

“That’s good to hear.” The officer approaches them, wearing a genuine-enough smile. “Do you need a tow truck?”

“No.” Sebastian continues to carry the conversation while Kurt, maintaining a low profile, is quietly impressed by how collected his husband sounds. Maybe that blow job helped a little. Kurt has that to be proud of. It probably wasn’t worth a $60,000 car, though. “I contacted my insurance company. They’re sending a tow.”

“Great. In that case, can either one of you tell me what happened?”

Sebastian glances sideways at his mortified husband, a smile on his lips hiding multiple embarrassing remarks at Kurt’s expense.

“Uh, do you want to tell him what happened, Kurt?” Sebastian asks. “You did say that you’d handle it.”

“No,” Kurt replies quietly, holding himself tighter, thinking that now is not the appropriate time for his husband to be teasing him. Though, if Kurt had stuck to what was appropriate and waited till they got to their hotel room before deep-throating his husband, they might not be in this mess. “No, I do not.”

[twentiethcenturymoviesandtv]

M*A*S*H: The Characters, Part 2: Trapper McIntyre, Henry Blake, and Margaret Houlihan

Trapper (Wayne Rogers) was a similar type of character to Hawkeye: a trickster Deadpan Snarker who had had his fill of the war by the time the show started.  Originally beginning the show as Hawkeye’s equal, he unfortunately fell to the position of ‘sidekick’ more often than not, a natural side-effect of Alan Alda’s magnetic performance and Hawkeye’s overpowering personality.  But where Hawkeye was unattached and had more potential for sincerity, Trapper was married, (but still playing a Casanova) and tended to be more lighthearted.

Trapper started out as ‘The Lancer’, a supporting role that got plenty of screentime and action, and despite only being on the show for three seasons, a fair amount of character development.  While he was never as depressed a character as Hawkeye, Trapper did have his moments of darkness, such as being tempted to kill a North Korean POW(who had unintentionally cost the life of one of Trapper’s patients) or punching out Hawkeye in an attempt to rush home.  Episodes like “Kim” and “Check Up” do give Trapper a spot in the limelight, but in the end, over the grand scheme of the show, Trapper’s chief influence came after he’d left.

Between seasons three and four, Trapper acquired enough points to get sent home, which he did while Hawkeye was on R&R.  This event signaled the second gut punch of the show, as Trapper’s departure occurred directly after Colonel Henry Blake left the show the episode prior.  But while Blake had a send-off (a heartbreaking one that we’ll come back to in a minute), Trapper…didn’t.  He just left.  No note, no message, nothing but a peck on the cheek for Hawkeye, his best friend.

Unlike most sitcoms on at the time, where Trapper’s departure would have been largely overlooked for the rest of the show, the hole that Trapper left in the camp, and notably in Hawkeye, was felt for the remainder of the series.  He is often mentioned in episodes after he’s gone, and the impact of his exit (and the lack of goodbye) is felt even by characters who never met him, such as his replacement, B.J. (more on him later).  Trapper was an early staple, who, despite his short time with the series, made a difference, just like real people do, and in the end, he was one of the lucky ones: he got to go home.  Trapper returned to his wife and kids, and left Korea behind, and left the 4077th a little emptier as a result.

And he wasn’t the only one.

For the first three seasons, the 4077th was commanded by Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake, (McLean Stevenson) hailing from Bloomington, Illinois.  Henry was a skilled, caring doctor…and a terrible colonel.

Very much ‘The Alleged Boss’, Henry freely admitted that he wasn’t an army man.  He was a surgeon, with a practice at home.  Extremely Mildly Military, (frequently out of uniform and sporting a fishing hat) Henry left the running of the camp to Radar O’Reilly, the company clerk, and tended to try as hard as he could to not make command decisions.

With that said, Henry was a very kind man, understandably frustrated with his situation and missing his own wife and family back in the states (though, like Trapper, he did cheat on his wife a few times during the course of the show, with little remorse.  He was a Father to His Men, (especially Radar), and despite his typically goofy, down-to-earth nature, he had his moments of wisdom.

Hawkeye: “I haven’t cried once since I came to this crummy place. Why am I crying for him? Why not any of these other kids?”

Henry: “If I had the answer to that, I’d be at the Mayo Clinic. Does this look like the Mayo Clinic to you? All I know is what they taught me in command school. There are certain rules about a war. Rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is doctors can’t change rule number one.”

He was well-liked among the camp (except by Frank Burns and Margaret Houlihan), and in the end, his departure was a celebrated event…at first.

We can’t discuss Henry Blake without talking about “Abysinnia, Henry”.

The season 3 finale, “Abysinnia Henry”, was television history, for one major reason (at first): Henry Blake was going home.

By season 3, M*A*S*H mattered to people.  It was doing well in the ratings, many people were watching it, so when season 3 rolled around and the news hit that Henry Blake was going to go home, many people were, just as they are in the episode, elated for him.  The episode is a funny, heartfelt goodbye to the commanding officer, complete with a touching goodbye from each character.  Henry gets on the chopper, takes off…and the war goes on.

Until the final scene.

Radar O’Reilly, company clerk and son-figure to Henry Blake, barges into surgery in a state of dazed distress, reading off a note:

“I have a message… Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake’s plane was shot down over the Sea of Japan. It spun in. There were no survivors.”

That was a gut punch, and audiences, as well as the characters, felt it keenly.

To quote the video essay: “Lightning in a Bottle – a M*A*S*H* Video Essay” by Ladyknightthebrave:

“Before this, characters did not die on half-hour situational comedies.  Not main characters anyway, and certainly not like this.  This moment changed television.”

It’s true.  In the 1970s, main characters did not die on sitcoms, and they certainly didn’t die on the way home from a war to be reunited with their families.  It wasn’t fair.  It wasn’t right.  Henry was almost home…and in the end, it didn’t matter.

While we often point to the episode “Sometimes You Hear the Bullet” as the moment M*A*S*H’s Cerberus Syndrome kicked in, there is an undeniable level of gravity that entered the scene the moment the news of Henry’s death entered the world of the 4077th.  All of a sudden, M*A*S*H went from ‘zany military hospital sitcom’ to coming face-to-face with the horrible reality that not everyone gets to go home at the end.

And like with Trapper, Henry’s shadow hung over the rest of the show.  

“They’ll never stop coming, you know. Trapper left, and they’re still coming. Henry got killed, and they’re still coming. Wherever they come from, they’ll never run out.”

At the end of season three, M*A*S*H lost both of these major players, and the loss was keenly felt, by the characters as much as by the audience.  Again, in the early 1970s, sitcom characters didn’t just leave, much less die, especially like that.  But the show had to go on, much as the war would, and instead of leaving two gaping holes in the command structure, replacements were sent in for the missing crew:

“Trapper John goes. No problem, there’s plenty more where he came from.  B.J. Hunnicutt. Same size, same shape.  Frank Burns out, Winchester in. Only a hair’s difference.  Henry Blake… Rest in peace, Henry. Incoming, Sherman Potter.”

But we’ll get to that later.  You see, while these characters would fade out and bring replacements in their wake, other characters, besides Hawkeye, remained staples of the show from beginning to end.

Characters like Margaret Houlihan.

While Hawkeye, Trapper, and Henry got by through Mildly Military antics and a blatant disregard or incompetence when it came to the army way of doing things, Major Margaret Houlihan (Loretta Swit) was a born soldier and head-nurse.  A strict, by-the-book Battleaxe Nurse and an ex-Military Brat, Margaret Houlihan was the definitive Defrosting Ice Queen, matching Hawkeye, and even outpassing him in terms of character development.

Margaret started the show as a one-note, one-joke caricature, much like most characters did.  Originally wholly unlikeable and serving as an antagonist to the rest of the main cast, Margaret was a Gung Holier Than Thou exaggeration of a character…early on, anyway.  Beginning the show as an entirely unsympathetic person, partner to Frank Burns (romantically involved with him, despite the fact that he was a married man), Margaret’s early personality left few positives to be seen…at first, anyway.

“I don’t fall over, captain. Everything around here will be just fine if there’s a little less leaning and a lot more leadership. We need obedience. We need discipline, not this chaos. Doctors like you constantly out of uniform. Nurses who don’t belong in uniform. Dogs running around loose in camp…they’re getting run over by jeeps.”

While there were glimmers of character development early on, as seasons went by, slowly, Margaret started to change, for the better.

Starting in season 5, with her engagement to Lt. Col. Donald Penobscott and dumping of Major Frank Burns, Margaret began to lose a number of her sharp, hard edges, becoming a warmer person, proving herself Not So Above it All, with plenty of Pet the Dog moments becoming more and more prominent as the show continued.  Slowly, she began to demonstrate real humanity, and a desire to be accepted.

“Did you ever show me any kind of friendship? Ask my help with a personal problem? Include me in one of your little bull sessions? Can you imagine what it feels like to walk by this tent and hear you laughing and know I’m not welcome? Did you ever once ever offer me a lousy cup of coffee?”

Despite this growth coinciding with her marriage, things were to change yet again for Margaret in season seven.

After a tumultuous marriage to her high-ranking husband, (a type she has demonstrated an attraction to in the past) a frustrated, exhausted, and cheated-on Margaret makes the decision to divorce her husband, a decision that would stick through to the end of the show.  Margaret remained single to the end, growing out of her role as stickler and love-interest, and becoming a full-fledged, strong character in her own right, as a Vitriolic Best-Bud to Hawkeye and B.J., and a compassionate, kind, strong, woman who learns to define herself, not only by the army, but by her own terms as a person.

Easily one of the most dynamic characters of the show, arguably the most dynamic, Margaret managed to become one of the most human characters on the show, without becoming perfect.  Her edges were smoothed somewhat, but never taken away, and she ended the show a deeper, richer person than she had been at the start.

Which is more than we can say for Major Frank Burns.

(Join us next time for Part 3: Frank Burns, Radar O’Reilly, Maxwell Klinger, and more!)

[gerec]

AU-gust 2020 Prompts

Masterlist

28. Fashion & Models AU - Erik/Shaw

I was originally going to write something from my Frost & Darkholme verse, but I decided the idea was too angsty and required a different headspace than where I’m currently at SO - you’re getting this little snippet instead of Erik thinking about doing a nude photoshoot to make money...

(Someday I’m going to write an au where Shaw seduces poor young, unsuspecting Erik into a terrible relationship he doesn’t even realize is terrible. Alas today is not that day.)

-----

“You know I can get you an interview with Shaw, if you want to make some actual money and stop eating cup noodles for dinner.”

Erik sighs. It’s the third night in a row he’s had to forgo an edible meal, with his money getting sucked up buying books for the new semester and a replacement transmission for his beat up old Honda. The offer gets more tempting every time Azazel says it, given the run of bad luck he’s been having lately with his finances.

Though this is the first time he’s really, seriously considered it; selling nude photos to a porn site specializing in mutants.

“Suppose I do want you to get me an interview—”

Azazel grins. “Seriously? I thought for sure you were going to say no again; hold on to your precious pride instead of making next month’s rent.”

He grimaces, and jabs the wooden chopsticks into his half eaten slop. “It’s not about that alright? I just don’t think it’s right, helping a bunch of humans jerk off to mutants, when most of them don’t even consider us people.”

“Sure maybe that’s some of them,” Azazel concedes, stuffing his face with a take-out burger as Erik steals a French fry off his plate. “But a lot of mutants use the site too. Sometimes we just want to get our rocks off to a sexy devil with red skin, and not some boring old human with no tail.”

Erik rolls his eyes and throws a fry at him. “I don’t know how your giant ego even fits into this tiny apartment, Az.”

“Sure, sure, I’m the egomaniac,” Azazel says with a smirk. “So how serious are you about this? Say the word and I’ll call him. Set it up.”

He thinks about the bills he’s got piling up on his desk, the measly wage he makes at the Apple store and how much he really hates cup noodles and sighs. “How much are we talking about? For a few photos?”

Azazel pretends to look him up and down, assessing him in his ratty hoody and ripped jeans and shrugs. “Enough to get groceries for the next couple of months, and maybe some new clothes so you can actually get someone to date you.”

“I don’t have time to date.” He stops being sneaky about picking off Azazel’s fries, and just dumps half of them onto a paper plate, giving up on the noodles. “You think this Shaw guy will take me on?”

“Sure. He likes mutants of all kinds, and you’re a good looking guy,” Azazel says, before adding with a smirk. “’Course you could always just suck his dick. I’m sure he’d give you a job or two for a good b.j.”

Erik makes a face. “How old is he? I’m not that desperate yet.”

“Don’t worry. He’s like twenty, twenty five years older than us but he’s totally hot. And I know he’s got a nice dick.”

“Scheisse, Az, you’re such a slut,” he says, grinning and shaking his head. “I’m not going to fuck some random guy I just met for a job; I’ve got standards.”

Standards that end up being thoroughly tested, when he meets Sebastian Shaw three days later.

-----

“Please, take off your clothes.”

“I’m sorry…you want me to do what?”

Shaw’s request surprises him, as with everything else that’s happened in their meeting thus far. Even with Azazel’s positive description, Erik still expected someone much different than the one he met; someone older looking and a little lecherous, and not very generous with pay. Instead, he finds a very handsome, professional and charming man in Sebastian Shaw, with a fine appreciation for every kind of mutation, including (or maybe especially) Erik’s.

Leaning forward in his chair, he refills Erik’s glass with another shot of fine whisky and smiles. “You’re very handsome, Erik, and I can see that you’re in very good shape. But since I’m paying for nude photos I’m sure you understand why I’d like to see what’s actually underneath your clothes.”

“Do you always ask potential employees to strip for you, Mr. Shaw?” he asks, though it comes out less confrontational than the words imply. Erik doesn’t quite know how he feels about the request, except that he’s uncomfortable for reasons that doesn’t want to acknowledge yet.

(That maybe he wants Shaw to see him naked, his eyes raking possessively over Erik’s nude flesh…)

“I do,” Shaw answers simply, without any shame or pretence. “I’m very hands on with the business – no pun intended – and I personally select every single mutant that poses for my site. If my request makes you uneasy, we can part ways now with no hard feelings. Though…” He gets up from his chair and comes to stand beside Erik, leaning back against his desk with a quirked brow. “I didn’t peg you for being the shy type, Mr. Lehnsherr. Maybe this isn’t the thing for you, if you’re not really comfortable with nudity.”

Defiance burns low in his gut, as he pushes up from his chair and pulls his grey Henley over his head. “I’m perfectly comfortable with nudity, Mr. Shaw, just as long as you don’t expect this to turn into an audition for porn.”

Shaw chuckles. “Not at all. I have an entirely different audition process for the videos we make.” Somehow, Shaw’s nonchalance at his veiled dig only serves to spur him on, and Erik doesn’t hesitate to strip out of his jeans and boxer briefs too, kicking his socks and shoes off with a triumphant grin. “There, do I pass the test?”

He expects a quick once-over; for Shaw to check that he doesn’t have any hidden deformities or unseemly scars, and yes – that his penis is a sufficient size and appropriate to his body’s proportions. He does not expect the man to close the distance until they’re mere inches apart, and then slowly circle him, taking in Erik’s body from every imaginable angle.

By the time Shaw steps back, Erik’s skin feels tight and hot all over, his cock half hard from nothing but the man’s piercing gaze. Those dark eyes linger on Erik’s lips, heavy with intent, before he abruptly turns and takes a seat again behind his heavy oak desk.

“I’ll have my assistant call you, to book your first shoot,” Shaw says, all business again, as Erik scrambles to pull his clothes back on, half aroused and sufficiently mortified by the way his body reacted to the scrutiny. “We’ll see how the pictures look and how you feel about nude modeling. And then we can talk about a contract, if we’re both interested.”

And then he’s being ushered out the door by a still smiling Shaw, who pats him on the back and gives his shoulder a light squeeze.

“Call me, Erik, if there’s anything you need,” he says. “My door’s always open, day or night.”

---

Erik spends the rest of the day thinking about Shaw, and wondering why he feels such a pull to a man two decades his senior (and his employer, potentially for more than a one off).

He calls Shaw two nights later, and agrees to meet for a drink.

[marcmyworks]

Quentin Tarantino is one of the best directors of both the 20th and 21st Century, which started with his first wide release film in 1992. He has just recently released his 9th (or 10th depending on your point of view) film, Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood to rave reviews. As one of my favourite directors, I have decided to list rank each of his films. I want to first state that I love everything this man puts out, just some more than others. Lets begin.

*Spoilers below*

10. The Hateful Eight (2015)

The Hateful Eight is the least successful in Tarantino’s repertoire and I don’t mean financially. This film just seems to have little to no likeability, and before you say it, I do understand that each character is ‘hateful’ but at times it seems quite forced. 

Though well written and acted, it feels that the shocking moments are put in there simply to shock rather than provide any interest. We have the story of eight characters trapped in a cabin during a snowstorm, the film is Western themed, there is a revenge plot as well a bounty hunter. I really do not think this is a bad film in any regard, and it even feels like the sister film to Reservoir Dogs, but in terms of style and content it feels like a mishmash of things the audience has seen before from the Director, like his greatest hits, rather than a new and original story.

9. Death Proof (2007)

A lot of critics, and even Tarantino himself, have put this as the lowest ranking of his films on their list, I disagree. This may not be the most fleshed out story, but it is one of the most fun. I am ranking the unrated version of the film, as the theatrical version was cut down from its 113 minutes to 87 minutes to be incorporated as the Grindhouse double feature (with Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror). The shorter version is the one critics saw and I don’t believe it does the full film justice. 

Death Proof is inspired by Grindhouse revenge films such as I Spit on Your Grave and include a multitude of young starlets and even re-launched the career of actor Kurt Russell. Overall the film is quite good though there are instances where it is quite obvious that a man wrote the female dialogue, which in the Me-Too age isn’t as acceptable. An example of this can be read here, where this character speaks about her father:

“Look, he’s totally harmless and cute as a bug's ear! But you know, when he's got a bunch of half-naked poontang walking the floor of his lake house, he just likes to pay us a visit and make sure we got everything we need.”

8. Reservoir Dogs (1992)

Tarantino’s first full length film is the smallest scale of his career as most of it takes place in one room. Though the scale is small, the dialogue and action are immense, the characters fleshed out and, in most ways, stands the test of time. The film was well received by audiences and made more than twice its meager budget, but at times it is quite obvious this was shot by a new director still formulating his style. Tim Roth (as Mr. Orange) is excellent as the newest member of the gang and his relationship with Harvey Keitel (Mr. White) is one of the strongest bromances in cinema history.

7. Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood (2019)

Though advertised as an accurate biographical account of the Manson Murders in 1960s Hollywood, this film is actually more fictional, less about these murders and more a love letter to the actors of that time. The story is centred around director Roman Polanski and wife Sharon Tate’s fictional neighbour, actor Rick Dalton and his stunt man Cliff Booth (based screen legends Steve McQueen and Burt Reynolds and the latter’s stunt-double Hal Needham). The film explores how the two are struggling to adapt to the ever-changing Hollywood, paralleling with the growth of the Manson family who are interested with the Tate/Polanski household. Though a long film, it does quite well at showcasing the struggles of actors in Hollywood, the indulgence of the rich and the rise of a fanatic cult.

6. Jackie Brown (1997)

In the 1990s Tarantino was one of the biggest Directors around, he had won an Oscar for his writing and audiences were anxiously awaiting his third film. After acquiring the film rights to Elmore Leonard’s novel ‘Rum Punch’, Tarantino started writing Jackie Brown with the intent on giving the script to another director; however, Leonard loved the script so much Tarantino decided to direct himself.

Jackie Brown takes inspiration from Blaxploitation films like Coffy and Foxy Brown, though with a slower pace and using much less action. Pam Grier, star of both the aforementioned films, was Tarantino’s only choice for the lead role and to this day he is amazed that she was not nominated for an Oscar. The film is a slow burn compared to Tarantino’s previous two movies and does have its issues with pacing and story consistency but does contain more humour.

5. Kill Bill Vol. 1 (2003)

The Kill Bill films are two of the coolest of Tarantino’s career; from the opening Klingon proverb, to the Pussy Wagon to the schlocky gore, this film was every film geek’s dream. Tarantino promised Uma Thurman that her birthday present would be the lead in his next film and a year after promising her this he delivered her the script. Originally conceived as one long epic film, it was split into two by production as it was felt the first half of the film had a different tone to the second. Producers also wanted to ensure it was a box office success and a four-hour film in the modern age was too much of a gamble. The first Kill Bill provides the groundwork for what is rarely seen in Hollywood, an even better sequel.

4. Django Unchained (2012)

Django is similar to the original film from 1966 in name only, as this version focuses on pre-American Civil War racism, slavery and the liberation a slave named Django. The film feels more like an homage to one of the biggest budget exploitation film of all time, Mandingo. It's a very simple story of a man who is trying to save his wife and along the way befriends a bounty hunter who aids him in his quest, but it is effective as it is a criticism of racism that still continues in the United States. Jamie Foxx does an excellent job portraying the titular character with Christoph Waltz, Leonardo DiCaprio and Samuel L. Jackson wonderfully playing the supporting roles.

3. Kill Bill Vol. 2 (2004)

I will say there is a large debate in the fan community whether the Kill Bill films should be ranked together as one film (as Tarantino states they should be), or whether they are two separate entities of a franchise as well which one is the better of the two. Upon first watching the films I was a bit disappointed Volume 2 did not have the same amount of camp violence as the first, as this film feels to be more a Spaghetti Western revenge film rather than a Samurai thriller. However, upon the re-watching the film multiple times it is quite obvious through the dialogue, storytelling and excellent cinematography that this is the superior film and is a contender for the top spot of Tarantino’s filmography.

2. Inglourious Basterds (2009)

Inglorious Basterds is one of the films that not only has incredible star power but also has amazing gravitas. The film made Irish actor Michael Fassbender and German actor Christoph Waltz popular with American audiences with the latter’s excellent performance winning him the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. The Basterds, a team of Jewish mercenary’s who capture, interrogate and kill Nazis and are played by a group of talents including Brad Pitt, Eli Roth and B.J. Novak. They are up against the evil Hans Landa (Waltz) also known as “The Jew Hunter”, a Nazi Colonel who is employed to ensure security for a film event being attended by Adolf Hitler. The film itself is a tribute to American war propaganda films from the 1940s, and though one of his most brutal, is truly one of Tarantino’s best writing efforts.

1. Pulp Fiction (1994)

I know this is the obvious choice, but with good reason. Pulp Fiction is the first film anyone thinks of when they think Tarantino. Made up of seemingly random story vignettes and inspired by pulp magazines, Tarantino devised to make a film made up of simple short stories that only later the viewer could see were actually intertwined. Tarantino proved he could make interesting films on a smaller scale with his critically acclaimed film Reservoir Dogs and was able to bring in major stars such as Bruce Willis, Uma Thurman, John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson, the latter of whom would star in or have roles in most of his pictures. The film was a box-office success and won several awards including the Academy Award for best writing. Though Tarantino has had many excellent films in his career, Pulp Fiction will always be the most iconic and original.

[xo-dailypier-blog]

this is not a recap;

     hey cumguzzlers,

It has come to my attention that Lady X took it upon herself to rate the nether regions of the men of Santa Monica. Unfortunately her assessment was BIASED and hardly based on facts. So as a JOURNALIST, I have taken it upon myself to get to the TRUTH. Today will be a Top 9 list of the men in this town, and their BEDROOM PERFORMANCES.

I’m not revealing actual sizes, because I firmly believe that it’s all about the motion of the ocean. And if you think I’m giving a run down on every SCRUB in this town, you’re out of your mind! I WISH I could have made this a Top 10 but most of the guys on Lady X’s assessment, have already been exposed in the fuck hut tapes during Summer Crush, and honestly? Don’t even make the cut for the top 5. Like, we KNOW the #DemonDick is low-key worth the hype (BUT YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM IT BECAUSE HELLO? IT RUINED TWO RELATIONSHIPS IN LIKE THE SPAN OF A DAY! AND IM SURE THE BUCK DOESNT STOP THERE!), and we GET IT, Adam has a massive ROD, and I’m sure (Power Top) Asher, his brother, isn’t that far off. Vic IS well endowed AND can make things EROTIC. And we all know about Jack, who is also well endowed but has, like, erectile dysfunction or whatever. Oh, and don’t forget Daddy Sorrentino is obvs a beast in the sheets, but I’ve been telling you guys that since, like, ever. And I’m honestly on a Jamie/Cunty Sabbatical atm, they’re going through a difficult time after Cunty cheated, so who really needs their dick-info broadcasted on top of all that, ya know? (Cunty deff comes in at an alleged 9 inches, which is bigger than Jamie, BUT he (Cunty) never uses his junk on Jamie because, like Asher, Jamie is a Power Top. (but you didn’t hear this from me). Look, if any guy is left off the list that you have interest in, like, just ask Phobe. I’m sure she’ll know.

But before we get started, Congratulations are in order! You guys voted on Hottie of the Moment, and we have a winner!

It’s none other than Miss Fraudi Zirconium herself (@heidistarks​) The queen of bargains has stormed onto the scene in her Wild Fable Couture and has CAPTIVATED the hearts of all Santa Monicans. In honor of her win, I am giving everyone a $25 gift card to Claire’s! If you go to their website and use offer code SharkThot, you too, can get the Heidi Look. When asked about her recent accomplishment she had this to say:

"It's about fucking time." - Fraudi Zirconium Stark, 2019

Congratulations, again Fraudi! You go girl, work that Forever 21 tracksuit, bitch!

NINE - ALEC CLARKE @alecxclarke​

One of the wangs in question that Lady X TOUCHED ON was Alec Clarke. She mentioned that Alec was more than likely LACKING in the his SOUTHERN MEAT DEPARTMENT. So obvs i had a BONE to pick with this assessment because Alec’s fan base is GETTING UP there with Jamie Carter’s so we have to know what he got in them jeans. Sadly ... while his junk is fine. His way around the bedroom is is abysmal, I honestly thought it was a PHALL-ACY but one girl who is one of his past flings, wrote to me after seeing Lady X’s post. She has asked to remain anonymous...

Hey DP (and Lady X),

I saw your post about Alec and you’re wrong about his size. He’s actually pretty girthy and lengthy or whatever. But he is honestly one of my worst encounters. We met on a dating app, that shall remain nameless. So fast forward to sexy time, and once we started making out it was a tragedy! No tongue, no passion. It was like kissing a mcfucking corpse! His lips were like, so dry, but, whatever, that’s not the problem. Once I started giving him a blow jay he just randomly burst into tears, and said he couldn’t do it anymore, and asked if I wanted to play fucking Yahtzee. I left and bought Listerine. I think you should look into if he is like this with all the girls, instead of his size. Bc that’s the real tea. Anyways, Love the Blog! Kisses!

Its always such a disappointment when this happens. OBVIOUSLY our HoneyBun Alec has some issues to work on. I know he has a Crazy life but I didn’t think things were this HARD for him.

Overall Rating: N/A

Favorite Position: Again, N/A. I could hardly find girls who’ve had sex with him ................. INCHresting. (Ok, that was the last one).

Downside: I mean, Hello? He breaks out in tears mid-coitus! He IS the downside!

Alec! Write into us with your side of the story! I prom (half a promise) that I won’t believe the rumors. Love ya, Honey Bun!

EIGHT - SKYLER DAVIS @skylerxdavis​

No idea where Lady X got the idea that he had the biggest LOVE MISSLE in town, but it is absolutely FALSE. And in fact, what I’ve heard about his performance in the bedzzzZzZzZzzzzzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzZzZzzzz ZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Overall Rating: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Favorite Position: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Downside: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Alleged Body Count: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

SEVEN - NOAH SINCLAIR @nhsinclair​

So next on the list is Noah Sinclair. This one will be brief, because it really threw me for a loop. So I’m sorry to report, that Noah has a Chode. I know. I’m actually crying while typing this but this is only the word on the street, so take it with a grain of salt.

“Darla” (fake name) wrote in to my blog to refute Lady X’s claims. She writes:

I’ve had half way sex with Noah one time and when he dropped his pants I literally laughed. Not to body shame or whatever, but I, like, couldn’t have sex with him because the condom didn’t fit. Sorry, didn’t have a Trojan Jr readily available? He’s good with his hands though.

So Noah has made the list in a sad and unfortunate entry. So ladies if you want Noah to DIP his NUGGET in YOUR sauce, you better make your move!

Maybe this is why he got that divorce. Ugh, poor Natasha. Let’s hope this is all a rumor, I would hate for it to be true.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️ (The hand thing is kind of important).

Favorite Position: Noah’s Nugget Number (No clue what this means, ask Diana or Natasha).

Downside: There is no downside if you, like myself, are privy to a good Nugget or two. #RanchPlease

MOVING ON!

SIX - LOGAN LANCASTER @loganlancaster​

Our next entry is none other than Long Dick Logan Lancaster. According to Lady X, Logan is average. Well I’m here to let you know that, thankfully, LDL lives up to his name (no nuggets here!). But you guys would have to get with him to truly find out how #blessed he is.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: Alligator Fuckhouse, according to sources. (DON’T Google it, live in ignorance).

Downside: The only reason, ya boi has gotten 4 stars instead of 5 is because of the rumors surrounding his hygiene. As we know, there’s been a debate on the internet about washing your legs. And Logan, an able bodied man, doesn’t do that. Nor does he take showers the way that he should. Many girls who’ve been with him have complained of smelling the stinch of onions and mildew while ENGAGING with him. Others have complained of a SALTY taste while going down on him. Most of the girls he’s BANGED have all been in the junkyard of his Auto Shop or whatever so maybe it’s a fetish for them? That’s no excuse for bringing that nasty ass behavior to every other girl in Santa Monica.

Thankfully a bunch of you have been sending body wash to his shop, so maybe we can LanCAST the mustiness away (If this is true).

Logan, please write in, I need to know the truth. But other than that, the dick is BOMB! But make sure you don’t over-do it on B.J. part though, sodium intake is v important and you wouldn’t want to get hypertension suckling on his salty ass COCK.

FIVE - EMRE YOGIOH @emre--yavuz

Ok, so next on the list is Emre Yugoslavia (or whatever his name is). Ok so ... buckle in ladies.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: The Lion King (I’m serious, don’t Google these things).

Downside: Ok, so Emre is supposedly into bondage. Which totally makes sense since he’s like, repressed from childhood. The whole missing sister thing really took a toll on his psych, since he’s parents totes forgot about him. Now he YEARNS for control. So the word is that he’s basically Christian Grey but not a literal abuser. He’s into bondage, slapping, SPITTING, choking, flogging, and whips and chains EXCITE HIM. An S&M Daddy! Now the only reason this is in the Downside section is because it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Some girls find it disturbing, and others are totes into it. I’m the latter! Sign me the FUCK up! Choke me with those strong REPRESSED hands.

I noticed he and Olivia have been friendly recently, let’s hope she knows that she’ll be walking side to side after a night with him (no, but like, because of the flogging, not the dick). Once he’s done with those spread sheets at his hoity-toity big boy job, spread sheets take on a whole new meaning once the dawn comes. You go Emre Yahooligan! #callme

FOUR - DEVIN FLORES @devinxflores

First of all, I just want to give a big thanks to all of you for letting me call him Devin TORRES for the past few MONTHS like a complete MORON! I really appreciate you guys letting me disgrace the future KING of Santa Monica in such a terrible way! No really, you guys are the best. I love my fans <3.

Anyways, it’s well known that Devin and his Alaskan Bull Worm have burrowed through the city. Both the men and women alike have survived the DF experience, with ZERO complaints .... well, except for one ...

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: The Charizard (ONCE again, don’t Google. Just know that it involves fire ... And we aint talking about lighting no candles (which he allegedly seems to enjoy, how romantic!)).

Downside: As we have witnessed, Devin is a complete and total klutz! He is always getting himself into a bullshit that is literally all his fault. Didn’t he glue something to his head a few weeks ago -- actually, you know what? That’s not important. What I was getting at is, the main complaint about DaddyDevinFLORES is that during SACX the klutz JUMPS OUT. He has been rumored to have smacked his head on the headboard whilst switching positions (causing him to go UNCONSCIOUS for SEVERAL HOURS, which completely RUINS the mood). One of his Encounters even claimed that during a Romantic Toast of Wine, he clinked the glass so hard it broke and and SHARDS of GLASS went into his hands, causing him to bleed INSTANTLY. What the fuck, Devin?

How could someone who can handle balls so well out on the soccer court, not be able to handle them in the bedroom without accidentally falling out of a window in the process?

Ladies and Gents, much like Emre, Devin will have you walking Side to Side, but if it happens you might be suffering from brain damage after falling in the shower whilst trying to have sex with him. Please seek professional help immediately.

THREE - BERNBERN<3 @carverberncrd

Coming in at Number 3 is none other than Heidi’s personal play thing! We’ve seen his bulge through his Under Armour spanks, so Of Course I had to do a little research to find out the Lipton on HIS heat-seeker. I’ve reached out to his past flings and came to a general consensus.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The women I interviewed all confirmed he is an excellent LAY, so once again, I was right. BernBern<3 outsold your favs.

Favorite Position: Doggystyle (obvi)

Downside: He’s a Taurus so while he will indeed fuck you into a state of paralysis, it’s only to reach his Hedonistic Quota for the evening. He probs won’t even remember your name once he’s done, let alone learn it in the first place. So don’t get attached<3.

His star sign also explains his relationship with Fraudi. Not only are they both so annoyingly stubborn, but Two tops can rarely make it in a relationship. Just ask Ash — never mind. (Omg, btw Idk WHY everyone keeps asking. YES, the rumors are true! BernBern<3 gets pegged, but only by Heidi, it’s actually a testament to his masculinity and how he’s reached the apex of it at this point. But this is all old tea. So I guess Julian isn’t the only #DemonDick in the Stark Fam, Surprise?). Anyways, I ship them, but they get on my fucking nerves! They can’t even admit their undying love for each other, which is so obvious. But this isn’t about #Berni (working ship name), BernBern<3 has a massive COCK (and heart) and it has landed itself on the Top of the list.

TWO - SINRIQUE @itsenriqueaguilar

This one came as a surprise to me because I have no idea who this is. But yalls asses do! So here we have Enrique Aguilar, coming in at number 2 because of the OUTPOUR of receipts on the TALLY WACK ATTACK that he PACKS.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: You know, there wasn’t a general consensus, he’s a man FULL of surprises.

Downside: No, you don’t understand, there is literally no downside. Look, here is a letter from one of the women he’s slept with. For reasons, you will understand REAL soon, this person has been kept anonymous.

Dear DP,

It’s been approximately 1 year, two months, 9 days, 5 hours, and 46 seconds since I Locked Eyes with Enrique from across a crowded room. That night would go to be on of the most invigorating, tantalizing, and romantic experiences of my life. But when I woke up the following morning HE was gone. I long for the day I see him again. My heart Aches at the thought of him with another women. Giving her the same love that HE gave to ME. I need you to understand that I was a grade A student at my university (4.0). I had an paid internship at an elite institution that OWULD HAVE LED ME INTO A PROMISING CAREER! BUT AFTER THAT NIGHT I BECAME RAVENOUS. I NEEDED MORE. AND IT CONSUMED ME! EVENTUALLY I LOST MY INTERN BECAUSE I STOPPED SHOWING UP! I FLUNKED OUT OF SCHOOL BECAUSE I DIDN’T CARE ANYMORE. I SEARCHED YOU ON ALL SOCIAL MEDIA BUT I COULDN’T FIND YOU! ENRIQUE I NEED YOU BACK IN MY LIFE! JUST FOR ONE MORE NIGHT! PEASE I KNOW YOU’RE OUT THERE! CALL ME AT [redacted]

Obviously Ivy, sent this in ... kidding (But honestly though? They did used to date, which ... yikes ... Good to know Daddy Rique has no standards, maybe we all have a chance. #shade #clapback #scalpt)

Anyways, I’ll have to keep an eye on this one, he seems to have a good head on his shoulders ... AND good head on his shoulders OKURRRRRR!!!

ONE - SEBASTIAN DELGADO @bashdelgado

That nerd that sat in the back of the classroom brainstorm his next nerdy ass invention with high-watered khakis, and orthopedic shoes in like, the ninth grade (because he was focused on Arch Support???????). That’s him, Sebastian Delgado. And Baby Daddy Bash has DITCHED the NERD LOOK and is now ready to SNATCH YOUR CAT BACK.

I’m sure everyone is just surprised as I am. But hey, they don’t call him “Bash” for nothing (except for the fact that it’s a shortened version of his name). He’s totes Bashing Puss with his MONSTROUS MEAT TRUNCHEON (and Buss?? Sebastian contact me about your sexuality).  

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: Missionary, he’s a man of passion and likes to stare DEEP into your eyes. #swoon #romantic #westan

Downside: Well if you HATE Love and AFFECTION, this one is not the one for you. Not only does he have a GINORMOUS, UN-NUGGETED MEAT SEPTOR/LAP ROCKET/VAGINA MINER, which, by the way, last a LONG time, He is EXCELLENT BOYFRIEND Material! He’s caring, patient, kind, resourceful, loyal, and he is well on his way to becoming a multi-millionaire -- which is NOT the reason he is number one! Money is not the goal here ladies (and guys? Seriously Sebastian, I need to know what’s up).  

Sebastian is the complete package and he has ALL of the other guys in this town QUAKING!

So Stan A True Man. Stan .... Sebastian.

And that, my friends, ends the TRUE tea on the wangs in this town. This was fun while it lasted, but I have some COCKtails that need my attention (ok, maybe THAT was the last one).

xo, DP

[rogersdrumkit]

i’m with the drummer - part 8

a/n: okay so this is gonna be a long ass series I guess but i’m fine with that. I apologize for the wait.

warnings: ANGST, for real you better prepare yourself. didn’t really proofread, so just beware!

previous chapter (should include links to the others):

chapter 7

+++

[confirming the pregnancy]

Roger squeezed your hand reassuringly as you laid back with your stomach exposed, Doctor Turner applying jelly to the area. You glanced at him nervously, but your boyfriend was all smiles, unlike the other boys who were standing crammed together in the exam room. You had protested, but they wouldn’t let you go without them.

“So what exactly is the situation with you all, if you don’t mind me asking?” Doctor Turner asked politely.

The boys spoke over each other, leaving you to clarify. “Roger here is the father, of course,” you said, nodding towards your boyfriend. “And those three,” you said pointing to the boys in front of you, “are the uncles who insisted on joining us today.” The woman chuckled.

“Well, yes, but I’m the only real uncle,” Brian said.

“Y/n and Roger said-” Deaky started.

“Whatever!” your brother cut him off. “I’m the one who’s related by blood.”

“Rog is related by sperm, so he wins,” Freddie taunted, causing your brother to roll his eyes.

“Obviously, I know that Fred, but-”

The boys stopped their griping when an image popped up on the ultrasound screen. “That right there,” Doctor Turner explained, pointing to a small spot on the screen, “Is your baby.”

You grinned widely and turned to Roger, who was doing the same. Then you heard a thumping noise. “What’s that?” Roger asked hesitantly.

“It’s the heartbeat, isn’t it?” you said, and the doctor nodded.

Rog, tearing up, kissed your knuckles and tucked a strand of loose hair behind your ear. John, having already experienced this before with Veronica, enjoyed the sight of his friends’ happiness about their own baby. Freddie winked at you and smiled, and Brian was wiping the tears away that had already formed in his eyes. Everyone was watching in awe.

“Okay, so you’re about 4 weeks pregnant, and you can come back in here in another month and get another ultrasound,” Doctor Turner said. “Do you guys have any questions?”

“Can we possibly get a copy of the ultrasound?” you asked, then turned to everyone else in the room. “Maybe a few?”

Throughout the next week, Roger and you were barely able to keep the boys’ mouths shut about the baby. “So many of our friends know and we want to keep it private while we can,” requested Roger.

“Darling, this is wonderful! The whole world deserves to know!” Freddie exclaimed. 

“The whole world deserves to know what?” Paul asked as he let himself into Freddie and Mary’s one day.

“Nothing,” you and Roger said in unison while turning to look at the man you both hated so much.

“If looks could kill...” John mumbled under his breath, causing Brian to smirk.

[eight weeks]

“Good morning, baby girl,” Roger said as he kissed you, “and baby,” he finished as he gently kissed your tiny bump. “Do you want some breakfast? No coffee, though.”

Caffeine was your drug of choice, besides whiskey, and it was annoying not to be able to drink either while pregnant with your baby, but you knew it would be so worth it. “Ugh, I know Rog,” you grumbled. “Do we have any fruit?” You asked, and right on cue, he slid you a bowl of sugar-sprinkled strawberries. 

“You already have an awful sweet tooth, but the kid is making it so much worse. But I’m letting you eat sugar for breakfast now?” he teased you, and you just stuck your tongue out at him. 

You hopped up on the counter and started eating your favorite fruit. Roger said, “In a few weeks, you’re not going to be able to do that anymore,” with a smile on his face. He stood beside you, his plate of bacon sitting next to your legs.

“Because I’m carrying your kid Taylor, and I’m gonna get all big and emotional because of it, so you’d better watch it,” you taunted. Then you smelled the bacon.

Your face crinkled up, and you immediately felt nauseous. “What?” Roger asked, concerned.

“The smell, it’s just...too much...” you said while trying not to gag.

“But you love bacon!”

“Baby Taylor doesn’t seem to like it too much right now...,” you said, breathing deeply.

“Oh Christ, please tell me our kid isn’t gonna be like Brian and be a vegetar-” Rog started, but you didn’t let him finish as you ran to the bathroom and threw up.

He quickly followed you and held back your hair with one hand while rubbing your back softly with the other. You continued on for a few more minutes, then collapsed next to the toilet. Roger sat down next to you. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I mean, this is good. Doctor Turner said I should be getting morning sickness and that some foods would make me sick, so I guess this is it.”

“I’m not kissing you until you brush your teeth,” Roger deadpanned as he helped you to your feet.

You ruffled his hair, quickly brushed your teeth, then headed back into the kitchen to get a glass of water, him following closely behind. “Wait, we have another ultrasound in,” you check the watch on his wrist, “three hours, so can we stay here and cuddle until then?”

He smiled and picked you up bridal style, then took you to the couch. He popped in your favorite movie, Grease, and shuffled over next to you on the couch. When you laid your head on his lap, you looked up at Roger, but he was so infatuated with the movie to notice. He was so pretty without even trying. The blonde grabbed your hand out of instinct when he felt it on his cheek and kissed your knuckles. Roger looked down at you. “Are you staring?”

Your face turned pink, “No, Rog, I think I’ve known you long enough to know what you look like,” you said, sitting up. 

His face moved closer to yours and he smirked, “That doesn't mean you have to stop thinking about how good looking I am. Or how good I am in bed,” he winked.

You pressed a hand to his chest while biting your lip. “Why don’t you remind me...” The next thing you knew, Rog had you pinned down and was already starting to go to work. “Wait, Rog,” he picked his head up from your neck. “Be gentle please, the bump’s bigger than it was last time.” He smiled and pressed a kiss to your cheek before getting back to it.

Afterwards, the two of you laid back, legs intertwined, with a small blanket covering parts of your skin. “I’m glad I can still make you scream, even with the baby in there,” Rog said, gently poking your belly.

You giggled, then snuggled into him after checking his watch. “We still have two hours. Just stay here and hold me.”

He wrapped his arms around you, and the two of you fell asleep. That is, until you heard Brian. “Oh my God! She’s pregnant and the two of you are still going at it!”

You woke up with a startle, causing Rog to jump as well, then he realized what was going on. “You expect me to go nine months without making love to your sexy sist-” You tried to cover his mouth, but you were too late. Brian was already covering his ears and John and Fred were already snickering.

“Why are you guys here?” you asked through a yawn.

“Sweetheart, the appointment! For the baby!” You stared blankly at Freddie. Neither you nor Roger expected them to be this involved. “Then we can go shopping!” Freddie suggested.

Roger glanced at you, and when you shrugged, he said, “Fine by me.” He picked up a throw pillow and covered his crotch, then scampered off to the bedroom. 

John grumbled at Rog’s lack of understanding that not everyone wanted to see him naked. You all heard Rog yell, “Nothing no one in there hasn’t seen before!”

You chuckled, remembering the stories of Roger getting drunk and stripping for the boys, which was Nothing out of the ordinary for Roger after having a few too many drinks. You wrapped the blanket around you and followed your boyfriend to go get dressed. 

While you and Roger were changing, Fred found your panties on the ground. “Oh, Brian,” he called, stretching out your brother’s name while dangling your underwear in the air. 

“STOP! You’re disgusting, mate!” Brian cried out. He knew they were just trying to get a reaction out of him, but he hated knowing about his little sister’s sex life.

“I’ll take those,” Roger said, as he grabbed them out of Fred’s hand, then shoved the panties in his own pocket. You blushed, but took Roger’s hand and followed him out to the car.

In the car, you hummed quietly to the radio while holding Rog’s hand and listening to the three boys in the back argue over potential baby names.

“If anything it should be Brian Jr, not Freddie Jr.”

“Yeah? You want the kid going around with the initials ‘B.J.’?”

“Seems real appropriate for y/n and Rog, though doesn’t it, Bri?”

Roger and you chuckled, and your boyfriend looked in the rear view mirror and said, “What if it’s a girl?”

Your brother didn’t even hesitate when he said, “Brianna, of course.”

You shook your head at the comment as the car pulled into the doctor’s office. Inside, the ultrasound technician was new, and she had you and the boys scared for a minute that you were having twins, but she called Doctor Turner in right away and cleared everything up. After that minor situation, you got a couples new sonogram pictures to hang up on the fridge and were on your way.

“When are you two going to tell the press that y/n is pregnant?” Freddie asked in the car. “I just think they should find out from you, and with the tour coming up...”

You cocked your head at Roger and he smiled nervously. “A tour?” you asked.

“I’m sorry, love, I know I should have told you sooner, and you know you’re allowed to come with us if you want. But you’re in your last semester of uni, and the baby, I didn’t want to overwhelm you,” Roger rambled.

“Well...I guess I could take my exams early. Surely you don’t leave for what, another month?”

Roger’s face lit up. “Two! They just told us last week!” He looked like a kid on Christmas. “Can you please come? We love having you, and you’re basically-”

“Easy there, Rog. We get it, you enjoy having my sister around,” Brian grumbled, causing the others to chuckle, but Rog just kept grinning.

[buying everything for the baby]

“Roger and I agreed, we want it to be a surprise for the first baby, so stick with gender neutral stuff, please,” you told the boys before they split up from you and Roger at the ‘baby stuff store’, as your boyfriend had called it.

Brian turned to you and put a hand on your shoulder, concerned. “This isn’t going to be the only baby?”

Rog showed Brian your left hand and pointed to your ring finger, “Well first there’s going to be a ring right here, then more kids.” You smiled at the thought as Roger pulled you away to the onesie aisle.

“You’re getting married?” You heard Brian call in disbelief.

No one was in the aisle, so Roger pulled you close and whispered, “When do you want to marry me, love?”

“I hope this isn’t your proposal, Rog.”

He smiled softly, but said, “No, I just want to know if you would say yes.”

You placed both hands on his chest and said, “Of course I would, sweetheart. I love you with my whole heart. And the baby.”

He stuck out his pinkie and you shook it with yours. “I love you too,” he said before pressing a kiss to your forehead. “And the baby.”

Roger turned to pick out a onesie from the rack. It was white and had rubber ducks all over it. You nodded, and he dropped it in the cart you had gotten when you walked into the store earlier. Then, you spotted some grey pajamas that were covered in red drums. You grabbed it and dangled it in front of Roger’s face. He looked almost as excited as he did when one of the albums hit the charts, jumping around and smiling like he was. “Yes, please, y/n, we have to get this for the baby.”

Overall, the trip was successful, and Deaky had been a real help. He knew exactly what to buy, from cribs and rocking chairs to pacifiers and breast pumps.

“Ronnie says that this one barely hurts at all,” he had said while pointing to one in a baby blue box, “which is good, because your nipples are going to be sensitive with the kid sucking on them all the time.”

“Woah, woah, her nipples?” Roger asked in an extremely confused tone. “Sensitive?”

“Roger, the baby is going to eat whenever it’s hungry, which is a lot,” you explained.

You could see Brian cringing behind Deaky, and Freddie just looked clueless. “Why are we talking about this?” your brother said through a grimace.

“Because the baby is going to breastfeed, I assume,” John started, and you and Roger nodded, “and it’s just that I know the most about this stuff.”

“Brian if you want to have your own kids someday, then you’re going to have to talk about this stuff,” Roger said through a smirk. Usually the curly-haired man was the one lecturing him, not the other way around.

[putting the baby’s room together] - about 16 weeks pregnant now

You walked into the nursery one morning to see all but one of the walls painted the light grey you and Roger had picked out. The plan was to have white furniture and the decorations would be light blue and yellow, with the rest being added after the baby was born and you knew the gender. You had already picked out a few giraffe toys for the baby, though, since you two thought they were so adorable.

Roger had his hair in one of your headbands and was wearing sweats and a white t-shirt. “Do you like it?” he asked when he saw you.

You smiled. “I love it Roger. This is all so amazing.” You could feel the tears coming on and you groaned. 

He walked over and smirked. “Hormones?” he teased.

“Don’t make fun of me, baby, otherwise I’m only gonna cry more.”

Rog tried to hug you, but pulled away when he felt something moving. Both of you stared at each other with wide eyes. You felt it again. It was like something was tapping the inside of your stomach. You placed a hand to your bump and smiled.

“It’s the baby!” You said happily.

“Moving?”

“Yes! Come here!” and you took Roger’s hand, placing his next to your own.

He gasped when it happened again. Then again. Roger laughed. “That’s our baby!” You could see his eyes brimming with tears, and you knew yours were doing the same.

You spent the rest of the day talking to the other boys about it, and Roger eagerly finished up the nursery in record time.

[telling the press]

The tour had been cancelled, due to ‘poor management’. Understatement of the century. Now the boys were being grilled by the press as you mingled with Veronica and Mary, who were asking about how the baby was feeling.

“It was so strange at first, but now it’s just second nature.” You were almost 18 weeks pregnant, and the baby had been kicking like crazy. “Roger keeps saying we have a little drummer on our hands.”

“I know! The first time Robert kicked, John almost took me to the hospital because it was such a weird feeling that I just didn’t know if there was something wrong with the baby,” Veronica shared. Then she lowered her voice, “Also, I expect this one to start kicking in a few months,” she said as she pointed to her own stomach.

You and Mary squealed at the news and shared your congratulations, and the boys (all but John) gave quizzical looks towards you, wondering what was happening now. Deaks just smiled proudly.

The boys had the attention redirected towards the reporters, who immediately started asking questions.

Most of them were simple questions about the management, or about the new album, and they didn’t get interesting until they started hitting a little closer to home.

“Brian, what’s the situation on Roger and your sister?”

He smiled calmly. “Her name is y/n, and I’ll let Roger answer that himself. I don’t need to speak for them.” That’s what you call growth.

The cameras started flashing on Roger as he started, “Yes, well, Miss May and I are in quite an intimate relationship. Have been for almost a year now.”

“Thinking about marriage yet, Mr. Taylor?” one asked, and Roger stopped to glance at you. You simply smiled back while holding your belly.

He smirked towards the crowd, “Yes, sometime soon after the baby is born, hopefully.”

You giggled when he winked at you, and the press went wild. They were standing up and shouting questions, and there were cameras flashing left and right. Freddie leaned into the microphone and said, “That’s all we have time for today, darlings!”

The boys quickly hurried away to get as far as possible from the nosy press. “Did you like that?” Roger asked with a grin on his face as he approached you. You kissed him gently and said, “It was perfect,” with a smile that lit up the whole room. 

[…]

You groaned and started whimpering in your sleep, causing Rog to wake up and see you holding your stomach and tossing and turning in the bed. He gently shook you awake. “Hey, hey, y/n, what’s wrong?” he asked in a soft voice, helping you sit up.

You felt a period-like cramp and winced, grabbing your stomach. “I don’t-” you inhaled sharply, feeling a stabbing pain in you side, and Roger grabbed your hand. “I don’t know.”

“Do you want a glass of water?” he suggested.

“Sure,” you said after taking a deep breath. “Thank you, Rog.”

When he returned a few moments later, your breathing was shallow and you were gripping onto the blanket to steady yourself. He set the cup down and rushed over to you. “That’s it, we’re going to the hospital.” 

He steadily helped you into the car, then proceeded to drive like a madman to the hospital just a few miles away. You gritted your teeth, trying not to cry because of the pain in your back and abdomen. Your knuckles were white as you held on the edge of the seat for dear life. “We’re almost there, hold on baby girl,” Rog said as he pulled into the emergency parking lot.

You were starting to tear up as he opened the door and helped you to your feet. You leaned on him for support, and when you entered the building, the doctors knew exactly what to do. One came next to Roger with a wheelchair and helped you into it, another started asking Roger questions about your and your baby’s health, and others were rushing around in the background trying to get the right person here for you.

You and Roger were ushered into a room with a nurse standing by the bed already. You looked up at Roger to see his expression full of panic. Someone wheeled an ultrasound machine next to the left side of the bed while you were being guided onto it, and Doctor Turner came in wearing all pink scrubs.

“Hello, again, you two. We’re just going to check you right out,” she said while preparing the machine. Your pain had stopped for the moment. “Normally, I wouldn’t be here, but I was on-call tonight.” She moved the wand over your ever-growing bump as Roger squeezed your hand. “Now have you experienced any bleeding?” she asked, cautious not to trigger any fear.

“No, not at all,” you said slowly while looking at Roger.

She remained silent as you and Roger kept looking at each other fearfully.

“Is there something wrong?” Roger asked quietly.

She took a breath before giving you a sad look. “I think you’re experienced a miscarriage.”

You blinked, dumbfounded. “I...how?”

“It’s rare at 18 weeks, but the body sometimes just does this, and there sometimes isn’t a reason.” You sniffled. “I’ll give you two a moment before we discuss what’s next,” She said as she exited the room.

You held your head in your hands and began to sob while apologizing profusely. “I’m so, so sorry, Roger. I don’t know what happened...I’m so sorry, please...”

Roger stood up with a face full of tears and embraced you. “This is isn’t your fault love, please, don’t blame this on yourself. Shhh…”

You sobbed into his chest and grabbed his shirt softly. “I don’t know what happened.”

“I know, baby.”

They took your baby out of you. It would have been a little boy. You got to hold him. When they handed him to you, you got choked up. He didn’t even look like a real baby. But he was yours, and this was the only time that you would have ever been able to hold him, so you did. Roger sat next to you in the white bed, and you held your tiny baby boy for almost an hour, crying and speaking softly to him. You and Roger named him Oliver Meddows Taylor. He would have been born May 23.

The car ride home the next morning was silent. You let the tears fall silently as you looked out the window, and Roger let a few fall as well. He was trying to be tough for you, but you knew that he was just as broke inside as you were. You had seen him come out of the bathroom with a red and tear-stained face in the hospital at least a few times.

When the car stopped in the driveway, you rushed inside to the bathroom and vomited your guts out, and Roger stayed in the car to (unbeknownst to you) sob and scream and sob some more. He didn’t understand why this had to happen to you or to him. You didn’t deserve this. He had promised you the world, and now you were both grieving the loss of your child. No one could have predicted this.  

[telling brian]

You silently crept out of bed and into the nursery, something you had been doing whenever Roger was asleep. He had still been telling you that it wasn’t your fault, but you still felt so guilty. Two days had passed, and it hadn’t gotten any easier. You sat down in the rocking chair and held what would have been Oliver’s blanket close to your chest as you picked up the phone, slowly dialing Brian.

He picked up on the fifth ring. “Roger it’s three in the morning.”

You were silent. “Y/n?” He asked. “You guys aren’t being funny, if-”

Your lip quivered as you spoke, almost in a whisper, “Brian.”

He could tell something was wrong. “What is it?”

Your voice cracked as you said, “Brian...we, we lost the baby.”

He sighed. “Oh, y/n...”

“The doctor said that these things just happen, but I can’t help but think that it’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault, I can promise you that. You were doing everything just right.”

“And Roger’s trying to be strong for me,” you said, starting to cry, “But I know he’s hurting too.”

“When did you find out?” your brother asked. 

“A few days ago-but everything happened so quickly that we didn’t have time to tell you-”

He calmed you, “It’s okay...I understand...you’re alright.” You began to breathe normally again.

You didn’t know that Roger had felt you get out of bed and followed you to the nursery. He was sitting outside the door, sunk to his feet, trying to hold the tears back. His heart was broken too, but he ached for you. You were in physical pain because of this, cramping, vomiting, and nauseous, and all Roger could do was watch. 

“I love you, too, Bri,” he heard you say as you hung up the phone, and slowly tiptoed towards the door of the nursery, until you saw him. “Rog?”

You crouched down in front of him and lifted his face up in your hands, only to see him sobbing. “Love, I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

You leaned into him as you hugged him and felt the tears coming up again. You nestled your face into the crook of his neck. “It’s not your fault, it’s not mine...”

He let out a small sob as he wrapped his arms around you. “We’re going to get through this,” he said softly.

You smiled sadly as you pulled away and stuck out your pinky. He shook it, kissed your forehead, and wrapped you back in his arms, and carried you back to bed.

You two laid there, crying and holding each other until you fell asleep.

+++

okay wow look I can actually write...maybe?

taglist: @16wiishes @cheyismaxi @ohfxxkitsme @excusememecouldyoupleaseleave @laubluered @simplyvictoria-93 @wowicantbelieveitsnotgay @mrsmazzello also! I was trying to tag someone, but their user wasn’t working? so idk what happened! sorry!

[breegullbeakreviews]

My hopes and dreams may have been dashed by the Jim Carrey who stole Christmas and a Tony the Tiger’s luchador cousin, but we still have DLC to look forward to. Here are my out there and not so out there ideas on who should join the roster in the Smash Pass.

Rules: No echos. The announcement claimed these types of new fighters won’t be a part of the pass. This doesn’t mean a new fighter may not come bundled with an echo of themselves, but these types of fighters won’t be a part of this list.

Also no Assist trophies. As much as I want Spring man and Ribbon girl to punch in I don’t see them replacing or removing an existing assist trophy to add a character in.

Fighter: Banjo & Kazooie

I am still holding onto the dream. The duo of bear and bird are tied to the Nintendo 64 despite no longer being owned by the big N. Phil Spencer is down to get Banjo in the game so the only real question is if Sakurai thinks they are worth adding. As far as Nintendo wanting them, it would only be if some deal was worked out for the N64 classic. I’d assume both announcements would be near one another.

I’ve gone over their endless potential for moves before and that hasn’t changed. Grant Kirkhope killed it on the soundtrack for these games so there are plenty of tracks to choose from. The only real question is what the stage will be. Smash is usually inspired by stages more often than it copies a direct area, so in that regard I think Spiral Mountain would probably make the most sense. I think the Rusty Bucket has a lot of potential as well, but if the idea is to go for something iconic I think you have to go Spiral Mountain.

Fighter: Doom Slayer

Not giving up on this one either. Odds probably aren’t great though. Doom is a very western franchise and not one super linked to Nintendo, and let’s not even get into the violence and religious aspects. The one thing it has going for it is that it is a very important franchise to the history of gaming and Bethesda seems to be on good terms with Nintendo. Doom Eternal is coming to the Nintendo Switch so it could be a cool marketing move to drop this fighter in to build up hype.

Just because he wouldn’t be a Snake echo anymore doesn’t mean he doesn’t have potential. The Doom Marine has plenty of weapons to pull from in his past games and it wouldn’t be too hard to pull some from the upcoming Doom Eternal. I also don’t think it’d be much of a stretch to give the Doom Marine an echo fighter in the form of B.J. Blazkowicz. He is equally important to the history of first person shooters. Doom Marine would certainly get the stage though as Nazi Germany isn’t something I see getting shown off in Smash. A space station on Mars with maybe a transition to hell seems perfect for a stage.

Fighter: Lara Croft

Odds are if we get another Square Enix representative it would be Geno, but Lara Croft is another major gaming icon, just again more western focused. She has appeared on Nintendo consoles so the only issue is coming up with her moves, and I don’t have many ideas for this. Her combat style is very weapons heavy, but she doesn’t have much that would work for close range at least from my experience with the franchise. Like Doom Slayer, I only see Nintendo green lighting this if we are getting some Tomb Raider title on the platform before February 2020.

Stage wise Lara Croft has tons of crazy set pieces to draw from. I assume the stage would be a tomb of some kind with plenty of hazards and maybe even a guest appearance by the iconic T-rex. Lara has plenty of costumes to pull from. If one major thing keeps Lara out it’ll be her moves.

Fighter: Geno

People want Geno. I am not one of those people. I have never played Super Mario RPG, and unless it comes to Nintendo Switch I probably never will. I really have nothing else to say except that I think he is rather likely to be in the game as DLC. Geno could be tied into a remaster or rerelease of the game on Switch, but it is possible Nintendo will just bring him in because fans want him.

Fighter: Shantae

Being a spirt does not preclude one from being a fighter. Despite having yet to review it, I was a backer of Shantae: Half-Genie Hero despite having zero history with the franchise. Shantae has history with Nintendo. Debuting on the Gameboy Color Shantae is a mix of traditional platforming and some metroidvania mechanics. Now I’m sure plenty of people would be pissed if she got in over Shovel Knight, but I think she has a lot more to offer.

For one thing we don’t have another fighter who uses their hair. That alone will give her some interesting standard attacks. She also has a plethora of magic and transformations that could make for an interesting set of special and smash attacks. As far as a stage goes I think the central town would be the best representation of the series as a whole. Maybe have part of the stage feature a dock so that Risky Boots can dock.

The music in the latest game is fantastic. You could bring everything over unchanged and it’d fit in. Every track has a beat that makes you want to get up and dance while still getting across the mood. Overall I don’t think Shantae’s chances are great. Mostly because she is an indie character and she’d be pretty obscure for Nintendo to pick for one of five DLC fighters. Let’s just say I’m not holding my breath on this one.

Fighter: Dixie (& Kiddy?) Kong

Another much more likely fighter with a ponytail. I have not played a Donkey Kong game featuring Dixie. I also don’t like the Donkey Kong Country games, though I do like DK64. That all being said I understand people want Dixie in. She is one of two playable characters in DKC2 which is regarded as the best of the trilogy.

Now why did I say Dixie and Kiddy? Well I think there is potential to make Dixie unique by having her nephew help out in some way. One thing that neither DK nor Diddy get across is the weird health system of the old games. If a Kong is hit you switch to the other one who was running alongside. I think using that relationship between the two could make Dixie really stand out. That being said I could also see her coming in on her own. Potential have it be a Zelda/Sheik style swap.

Now I also think there is echo potential with Tiny and Chunky, though I think it’d be more likely to have s singular Dixie have Tiny as an echo than getting all four. Dixie’s single ponytail versus Tiny’s two could change the range and speed. People talk about Tiny as Dixie’s replacement so I don’t think it’s a stretch. I have no idea what sort of announcement this could tie into. Maybe another DKC game or a DK64 remaster.

Fighter: Gen 3, 5, or 8 Pokémon

I expect this would be a gen 8 Pokémon over a gen 3 or 5 one if only because outside gen 1 additions new fighters have been from the latest generation. Melee added Mewtwo and Pichu. Brawl added Pokémon trainer and Lucario. 4 added Greninja and Ultimate is adding Incenaroar. Who knows what Pokémon it’ll be, but I’m for a grass type.

If we do roll back to gen 3 I’d hope for Sceptile or Grovyle. We need a fully evolved Grass starter in the battle. As far as gen 5 goes Emolga would be a third electric type but it’d be interesting to have in there with its flight and thunder. Outside that maybe Krookodile. I’d also not be opposed to a new Pokémon Trainer as long as the Fire starter isn’t the third stage. Ideally it’d be Tepig, Dewott, Serpirior or any combination if the Hoenn starters without Blaziken.

If the stage is gen 8 I don’t know where it’d be obviously. As for gen 3 the Sky Pillar could work, but I would not be opposed to a plethora of locals. Fortree city, and Mt. Chimney come to mind. I think Shoal cave could be interesting using the games internal clock to change the stage with the tide. Gen 5 I’m not picky. Mostly because I hated gen 5 and forget almost everything about it.

Fighter: Fire Emblem: Three Houses character

I actively do not want this, but knowing Sakurai it’s possible that we will see another anime sword boy or girl. With Nintendo selecting odds are lowered, but it is still a possibility.

Fighter: Tetris Block

Yes I watch GameXplain. I think this might be a bit far outside the box for Nintendo to pick, but if a Gameboy Classic is in the works this is some easy cross promotion with the system’s killer app. Music is obvious. Having the stage be a game of Tetris seems to be obvious. If the Tetris block is a fighter the stage would need a different art style than the character. Don’t ask me how it’d fight. Only Sakurai truly knows.

Fighter: Steve & Alex (Minecraft)

Most people know Steve’s name, but less know Alex. This is again Microsoft owned, and outside getting representation from the second bestselling game of all time, I don’t know what would compel Nintendo to select them as fighters. Stage wise the possibilities are endless. In a world of blocks and biomes it is hard to pick just one. I could see a stage divided into multiple areas like Delfino Plaza. I could also see a destructible stage that rebuilds like Luigi’s Mansion, though maybe not always the same way.

Move wise the two have a lot of tools, potions, and blocks to pull from. If a Creeper doesn’t show up here or as a stage hazard, than it needs to be an assist trophy. Music may be an issue. The music doesn’t seem like it’d transition well to battle music.

Fighter: Tails

I have never owned a Sonic game. I am not a Sonic fan. That being said with Shadow out of the picture I think Tails could be a great addition. From what I know of the character he seems to be more about verticality than speed. He also has gadgets that could make up his final smash.

As for a new stage maybe pull something from Mania or Forces. I assume most of the music is already going to be in the game so that might be an issue.

[junker-town]

Bronny James has a roadmap to the NBA despite playing nothing like his dad

Bronny James’ game is misunderstood. This is how he looks going into his senior year.

The national spotlight on Bronny James’ basketball future started before he entered high school. The oldest son of LeBron James began drawing attention playing on the grassroots circuit weeks after his famous father left the Cleveland Cavaliers to sign with the Los Angeles Lakers in the summer of 2018. At the time, Bronny was a 13-year-old guard standing 5’10 who suddenly became the subject of intense interest as LeBron and his friends followed him from gym to gym.

James has now finished his junior season as Sierra Canyon, the LA-based powerhouse where he’s spent his entire high school career. As his father returned to Cleveland for the 2022 NBA All-Star Game, he added a new level of scrutiny to Bronny’s game when he confirmed his long-rumored desire to play with his son before he retires.

“My last year will be played with my son,” James told The Athletic. “Wherever Bronny is at, that’s where I’ll be. I would do whatever it takes to play with my son for one year. It’s not about the money at that point.”

How good is LeBron James Jr.? That question remains up for debate before he’s set to start a critical final season playing on Nike’s EYBL circuit. While the long-term vision for his game has crystalized since he first came under the microscope, he remains a polarizing prospect whose game is often misconstrued by fans who make big assumptions based on his last name.

Bronny James height, age, and scouting essentials

Here’s what we know about Bronny right now:

He’s listed at 6’3, 190 lbs.

He turns 18 years old on Oct. 6

He’s rated as the No. 34 overall player in the class of 2023 by 247 Sports.

There are 23 players in the class rated as 5-star prospects right now, making James one of the highest ranked four-star recruits. He has firmly established himself as a high-major college prospect, but the reality is that he’s far from a typical recruit as the son of one of the greatest basketball players ever.

James has played on stacked teams at Sierra Canyon filled with current and future NBA players. He shared the floor with Zairie Williams and B.J. Boston early in high school career before both were selected in the 2021 NBA Draft. This year he was teammates with Amari Bailey, the UCLA-bound guard rated as the No. 2 player in the senior class. Sierra Canyon had two other top-100 seniors on the roster in USC-bound big man Kijani Wright and Nebraska signee Ramel Lloyd Jr.

James took the floor for Sierra Canyon this season less than a year since he tore his meniscus in Feb. 2021. With so much talent around him, Bronny has essentially been asked to be a role player. Add in the pandemic drastically altering the high school schedule in California, and there simply isn’t much tape on Bronny yet.

“To me he’s always been roughly one of the 20 best kids in the class,” said PD Web, director of research & development at Cerebro Sports. “It’s just not the way we think of stars, and especially NBA babies.”

While Bronny is certainly an intriguing talent, he hasn’t always had the production to match it. His best games — like a 18-point performance against suburban Chicago titan Glenbard West — are often followed quieter performances. As Sierra Canyon was upset by Harvard-Westlake during the CIF Southern Section Open semifinal game, James only finished with four points. His junior season ended with a blowout loss to an elite Centennial High School team in a game where James was held scoreless while slowed by a hip injury.

What’s Bronny’s game really like? Here are our impressions after watching him as a junior at Sierra Canyon.

Bronny James scouting report

LeBron James started the second act of his career by surrounding himself with talented teammates, and his son is doing the same thing. As it’s happened, the younger James has essentially been slotted into low usage roles where he’s been counted on to do the little things that help his teams win rather than single-handedly carry them to victory.

Right now, James is at his best defending opposing point guards while playing in an off-ball role offensively. He’s shown promising flashes as a shooter, making shots from NBA range off spot-ups and even displaying the ability to hit three-pointers off movement.

While he’s the size of a point guard, he doesn’t play the position in a traditional sense. Instead of initiating offense with the ball in his hands, Bronny excels at spacing the floor, making quick decisions as a passer, and helping his team get out in transition by turning defense into offense.

“He is a point of attack defender who can scale on- and off-ball,” Web said. “He is a smart passer but doesn’t need to have the ball in his hands to make it happen. He has shooting versatility and he’s also a defensive playmaker who can get out in transition. It’s the perfect scalable small wing or guard.

“I think Bronny will end up being taller than whatever he’s listed at now. But that’s essentially describing a player closer to Danny Green than LeBron James. I think that’s where a lot of the misunderstanding of his game comes from.”

Bronny James has a promising shooting projection

While his dad has played with the ball in his hands his entire life, Bronny is most comfortable spotting up from three right now. His outside jumper initially looked shaky on the EYBL as he returned from the meniscus tear, but he proved he’s a dependable shooter as a junior at Sierra Canyon.

Bronny will bring legitimate valuable as a floor spacer. He’s a confident shooter with deep range who doesn’t hesitate to fire in the face of a closeout. Here’s a spot-up shooting compilation from his junior year.

One of the first things you’ll notice about the shot is his release is pretty slow. He’ll have to work on speeding it up in the coming years, but he shoots a soft ball with nice touch. His ability to spread the floor and fire threes at volume will be a big part of his game.

Bronny isn’t just a stationary shooter, either. He’s shown the ability to come off pindowns, get his feet set, and hit shots. Here are a couple examples of Bronny’s movement shooting ability.

Sierra Canyon will occasionally run actions to get Bronny darting around screens to get open from three. From there, he’s at his best as a threat to shoot or move the ball quickly with a pass.

There are signs of a developing pull-up game, too. No, Bronny isn’t going to launch threes off the dribble the moment the opposing defense goes under a screen just yet. But he’s shown a comfort level getting into his one dribble pull-up when the defense tries to run him off the line.

This is a nice foundation for a 17-year-old, and certainly something he can build off from here. Bronny’s floor spacing ability is going to be a critical part of his game moving forward, and he showed enough as a junior at Sierra Canyon to believe it will be a dependable asset for him.

Bronny James is a smart passer who can act as the connective tissue of an offense

The value of Bronny’s floor spacing is boosted by his ability to quickly recognize when he needs to move the ball. If a teammate creates the initial advantage and the ball swings to Bronny, he can be counted on to either fire a three or swing the rock to a teammate in a more advantageous position.

Phoenix Suns head coach Monty Williams has helped popularize the idea of ‘0.5 basketball’ — essentially that players have half a second to either shoot, pass, or dribble once they touch the ball. While Bronny isn’t fully formed in this regard just yet, it’s clear he is a good processor who wants to make the right play. Here’s a compilation of Bronny as a passer.

Players who can find the open man without creating the advantage off the dribble have been labeled as ‘connectors’ in this era of NBA basketball, with Tyrese Haliburton and Lonzo Ball standing out as two examples. Bronny could certainly fit that archetype one day even without their size. Players like De’Anthony Melton and Miles ‘Deuce’ McBride offer a similar skill set as shorter guards.

Bronny James’ defense should be his calling card

It’s strange to think that the son of one of the biggest stars in history does his best work on the defensive end, but that’s the type of player Bronny is right now. While he may not be super tall or long yet, he has quick feet and a strong body that should make him a quality defensive guard throughout his career.

Watch Bronny slide his feet, change directions, and avoid fouling in this clip.

A few things stand out about Bronny’s defense. He has good lateral quickness with an impressive ability to keep his balance while changing directions. He takes pride in locking down his man, and he’s attentive off the ball. He had several instances of giving up his body for a charge this season.

Bronny has also had some pretty shot blocking flashes. Here’s one:

James’ tough defense often leads to big plays going the other way. Here are two clips that show his ability to turn defense into offense.

In the first clip, Bronny slides his feet to force his man into a touch midrange floater, pushes the ball down floor after receiving the pass, and attacks the basket for a layup. In the second clip, James traps the ball handler on the opposite baseline after a full court press, cuts off another driving lane after a pass, then runs down court to finish the defensive possession with a block. Sierra Canyon recovers the ball, kicks it to Bronny to lead the break, and it pushes it down the floor before finding an open shooter for three.

James’ lack of size will limit him some, but his strong chest, quick feet, and impressive hand-eye coordination will help him handle a variety of assignments defensively.

Improving as a driver is the next step for Bronny

One area where James Jr. can improve is by becoming a more flexible and explosive driver. It’s important to remember that he’s still recovering from a meniscus tear at such a young age, and that his role on Sierra Canyon has often been more about spacing the floor, moving the ball, and playing defense around Bailey as the offense’s first option. But finding an avenue to toward rim pressure would go a long way to improving his stock as a prospect given his size.

There are encouraging flashes. Here’s a good drive by Bronny to his left even though he couldn’t get the finish to go down:

Here’s an example of a drive James actually converted. He splits the pick-and-roll, explodes to the basket, and shows nice body control on the finish:

Bronny James has all the makings of a dependable NBA role player if he can keep improving

James’ junior season at Sierra Canyon feels like a success when you factor in all the missed time coming off a meniscus tear and Covid restrictions. He’s someone who plays a winning brand of basketball and has the ability to complement the more ball dominant stars around him.

To this point, James Jr. has never been asked to be the primary offensive option on his high school teams. It would be nice to see him assume that role in his final EYBL tour this spring and summer even if has some growing pains.

“One of the issues with him is he kind of blends in,” Web said. “I don’t know what his limitations really are because he’s always been on these really stacked teams. He’s always played in environments where he’s not asked to do things he’s uncomfortable with. The experience can be positive even if the results are medium.”

As James continues to flesh out his offensive creation ability, he has a high floor as a player who spaces the floor, hits shots, and makes an impact on the defensive end. That’s a highly useful player in today’s game next to the growing trend of oversized ball handlers.

“We’re talking about an archetype that fits next to heliocentric or heavy decision making wings pretty seamlessly,” Web said. “When we think of the Luka Doncic or Cade Cunninghams of the world, you don’t necessarily think you have to put a point guard next to them. You just load up on decision makers who can make shots and are versatile defenders who can give you as many looks as possible while having your world centered around a big do-it-all wing. Players like Bronny fit perfectly in a world where there are more and more wings making more and more playmaking decisions. Because they will always need athletic, energetic defenders who can take multiple assignments.”

There’s a certain veteran who will be at the end of his career when Bronny is set to enter the league who fits that description, too.

“Bronny is in a lot of ways the perfect player to play next to LeBron,” Web said. “That’s the extra player that LeBron needed in Miami to go against the Spurs. He sort of seems crafted in a lab to be the perfect teammate for LeBron James.”

As Bronny enters his final season of grassroots ball and then his senior year at Sierra Canyon, he’s likely to step into a role he hasn’t known yet: leading man for his teams. It’s an opportunity to explore the boundaries of his game and test himself against the best of his peers. The next 12 months will be the most important of his prep career.

It’s easy to mislabel the talents of a player whose government name is LeBron James Jr. He doesn’t play anything like this dad just yet, but he is still showing some foundational skills that can ultimately lead to a successful NBA career.

[skateofministry]

18 Brilliant Details In “The Amazing Spider-Man” Films

The devil is in the details.

Marc Webb’s The Amazing Spider-Man films were divisive, to say the least, but you have to give the filmmakers props for their attention to detail.

Sony / Via YouTube

Both films placed so many easter eggs and hidden details into their films that they effectively set up the grand cinematic universe that Sony tried to create. In recognition of what could’ve been, let’s take a look at18 Brilliant Details in The Amazing Spider-Man Movies.

WARNING: 

SPOILERS

 AHEAD!!!

18.

Peter’s Ringtone

Sony / Via youtube.com

This one is pretty obvious. In The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Peter’s phone repeatedly rings to the tune of the classic Spider-Man theme song from his show in the ’60s. Spider-Man filmmakers have always found a way to squeeze this iconic theme song into their films, but this was a hilarious and clever way to utilize it in Garfield’s film.

17.

Rhino’s Underwear

Sony / Via YouTube

Paul Giamatti’s Rhino really does love rhinos. So much so, that when Peter captures and pants the guy at the beginning of the second film, viewers can see that he has rhinos on his underwear. No wonder he decided to use a rhino-shaped mech suit at the end of the film.

16.

Electro’s Cake

Sony / Via YouTube

Before Max Dillon becomes the supervillain Electro, he can be seen at his home getting a birthday cake for himself from his fridge. Fans of Electro will recognize the green and yellow frosting as a reference to the villain’s costume in the comics. Though audiences instead got to see his bright-blue design in the film, it’s a nice callback to his comic book origins.

15.

The Wrestling Ring

Sony / Via YouTube

On the first night of his hunt for Uncle Ben’s killer, Peter takes on a group of thugs and ends up crashing through a rooftop. He falls into an empty wrestling ring, which is a reference to Spidey’s origins as a masked wrestler before becoming the crime fighter we all know and love. While the film deviates from the source material in terms of Peter’s origins, it’s still nice to see the filmmakers acknowledge his roots.

14.

The Rear Window Poster

Sony / Via YouTube

Fans of Alfred Hitchcock might recognize the Rear Window poster hanging in Peter’s room. While it may just seem like a nice decoration, this classic film very much reflects Peter’s own journey to hunt down his uncle’s killer. The way Spider-Man looks down on the city from his perch and takes pictures of the criminals he pursues is very similar to the protagonist’s behavior in Hitchcock’s film.

13.

Don’t Forget The Eggs

Sony / Via YouTube

A running gag in Garfield’s first film is that his character kept forgetting to buy eggs for his Aunt May. Given his hectic life as Spider-Man, Peter forgets to pick them up until after defeating the Lizard at the end of the film. This joke continues into the next film with another email from May on Peter’s computer titled, “Don’t forget to pick up eggs!”

12.

Dr. Kafka

Sony / Via YouTube

When Electro is imprisoned and studied at Ravencroft Institute, he is met by Dr. Kafka, the stereotypical German scientist played by Martin Csokas. This minor film character is actually a very important one in the comics, as Kafka was the one who founded Ravencroft and occasionally works alongside Spider-Man. Kafka was also a woman in the comics, and quite the opposite of the mad scientist torturing Electro for his experiments.

11.

Alistair Smythe

Sony / Via YouTube

Some of you might’ve been surprised to see Ryan from The Office appear as Electro’s boss. However, B.J. Novak’s Alistair Smythe is an even greater character than you might’ve realized. In the comics, Smythe developed a hatred for Spider-Man after his father, Spencer, died following his attempts to hunt down the web-slinger with his army of robotic Spider-Slayers. If The Amazing Spider-Man film series had continued, audiences probably would’ve seen Smythe become the iconic villain and serve as one of Spidey’s adversaries on-screen.

10.

Time of Death

Sony / Via YouTube

Gwen infamously met her end during Peter’s battle with Harry Osborn (Green Goblin) when she fell to her death inside a clock tower. But when her body hits the ground, the broken clock stops at 1:21. This actually references Amazing Spider-Man Issue #121, which was the one where Gwen Stacy died. 

9.

Venom and Morbius References

Sony / Via YouTube

In a scene from The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Harry Osborn is seen looking through his father’s secret files on his computer. Among the list of files shown on his computer screen are two titled, “Dr. Morbius File” and “Venom Storage 7-U.” The film is clearly referencing the two Spider-Man villains, Venom and Morbius, who both currently have their own films in Sony’s Spider-Man Universe.

8.

Black Cat

Sony / Via YouTube

Felicity Jones starred in the second film as Harry’s secretary, Felicia. While this might’ve seemed like a throwaway role, her character was actually Felicia Hardy, who would eventually become the Black Cat. In the comics, she was a cat burglar who ended up having an on-and-off relationship with Spider-Man. This character’s appearance on the big screen is long overdue, and it’s a shame she never got to don her masked personality. Hopefully, audiences will get to see Jones again as the Black Cat as the multiverse expands in the MCU.

7.

Time

Sony / Via YouTube

Time is an important theme repeatedly emphasized in The Amazing Spider-Man 2, as it is meant to establish a sense of impending doom for its characters. This is particularly the case with Gwen Stacy’s heartbreaking death, which takes place inside a clock tower. The film even begins with the camera zooming out from Richard Parker’s watch, who dies only a few minutes later.

6.

The Donald Glover Poster

Sony / Via YouTube

In a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment, you can see a poster of Donald Glover as Troy Barnes in Community hanging on the wall in Peter’s room. Glover famously petitioned to play Miles Morales, after wearing a Spider-Man shirt on the show. 

5.

J. Jonah Jameson

Sony / Via YouTube

Unfortunately, fans did not get to see the legendary J. Jonah Jameson appear in Marc Webb’s Spider-Man films. However, there is a scene in the second film in which Peter sends a picture of Spider-Man to the owner of the Daily Bugle, with the camera showing two other emails that have been sent to him by Jonah himself. Clearly, Peter had already begun working at the Daily Bugle and has made a living sending photos of himself to the Ultimate Spider-Hater.

4.

The Spider-Symbol on Peter’s Skateboard

Sony / Via YouTube

You really have to watch out for this one. When Peter is sleeping on the subway in the first film, his powers are shown to have begun manifesting. This change is indicated through the multiple images flashing on-screen for just a split second. One of them includes his Spider-Man symbol appearing on the back of his skateboard. It’s a clever way to foreshadow Peter’s future as the iconic web-slinger.

3.

The Itsy Bitsy Spider

Sony / Via YouTube

In Sam Raimi’s first Spider-Man film, Green Goblin mockingly sang the song, “The Itsy Bitsy Spider,” as he was battling the web-slinger. Electro did the same thing in The Amazing Spider-Man 2 during his final battle, flying around a power grid and setting off the tones for the song as he thrashes Spidey around.

2.

Gwen’s Outfit

Sony / Via YouTube

Going back to Gwen Stacy’s death, it’s worth mentioning that the outfit she wears is the exact same one she wore when she died in the comics. The filmmakers clearly had a passion to adapt “The Night Gwen Stacy Died.” While the rest of the film had issues, Peter’s battle with Harry and Gwen’s untimely death were both executed to cinematic perfection.

1.

Teasing the Sinister Six

Sony / Via YouTube

In an attempt to cash in on the cinematic universe trend kicked off by The Avengers, Sony planted the seeds for The Amazing Spider-Man to kick off a whole new world of characters that would lead to a battle with the Sinister Six. This crossover is hinted at in the second film when Gustav Fiers (the Gentleman) walks down a hallway lined with weapons used by Spidey’s greatest villains, including Doctor Octopus’s tentacles and Vulture’s wings. Even though Marc Webb’s films had many glaring issues, it still would’ve been amazing to see Spider-Man battle all these villains on-screen. At least we still got No Way Home.

Do you agree with this list? Were there any other hidden details that I missed? Please let me know in the comments section below.

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