#(local idiot has played the game 40 times)

[nuclearspring]

but what if my roster was just every fnv character

[shoichee]

hello! may i ask some tips about the instragram acccunts the GoM + kagami could have? like of sort of post, amount of followers, stuff like that THANK U and have a great day !!

THIS IS ACTUALLY HILARIOUS SINCE I BREATHE OFF OF INSTAGRAM LFMAO

[Headcanons]

Kuroko Tetsuya

HELP WHAT IF HE HAS NO PRESENCE ON SOCIAL MEDIA TOO—

professional lurker

never comments on anything unless it’s to congratulate under a friend’s post or something like that

probably started using it because Ogiwara moved from letters and texts to just... instagram (technology advancements, jazz hands)

his account is on private, and he only lets people he knows follow him

all of his posts are pictures to commemorate something or just really wholesome group pictures

DEFINITELY has that picture of the GoMs at his birthday OVA

DEFINITELY also posted the big birthday picture taken at the end of the party

and also had typed very sappy BIG paragraph captions for both of these posts, talking about the journey and him being grateful… y’know, him being him

HIS ENTIRE COMMENT SECTIONS ARE JUST EVERYONE SOBBING AND KEYBOARD SPAMMING??? ONLY LIKE MIDORIMA AND AKASHI POST COHERENT RESPONSES UNDERNEATH

@kiseryouta: kuROKOCCHIIIII!!NEJWIEISK

@momoiowo: TETSUU (ʃƪ˘･ᴗ･˘) YOURE SO SWEET REEEE

@a_daikiii: i stg quit being so corny no one died yet🙄 and @momoiowo relax smh

@shin_chan77: I suppose I can express some form of gratitude for being in my life despite you being a blood type A. (insert a giant paragraph after this)

@4k4shi: This was very touching to read, Kuroko. I’m very glad that our… (insert him going down memory lane)

Murasakibara has no comment LMAO

his entire Seirin team are his hype men under his posts

his profile picture is literally the gray default blank head because he didn’t even set up a profile picture for himself

he has like 20 followers max or something?

8 posts? like, he only posts on special occasions or big events

his occasional stories are always comprised of Nigou and blurry Kagami pictures/videos running away from Nigou UH OH (courtesy of @dust-of-fandoms)

@tetsuya11 for his user handle

@dust-of-fandoms JUST MADE AN INSTAGRAM FOR HIM HERE!!

Kise Ryota

uses his instagram account as a portfolio for his modeling career

majority of his posts are actually pictures he managed to snag from his frequent model shoots

it looks SO professional… but then you look at his IGTVs and his reel videos

his reels are either short clips of mini vlog series he does whenever he visits the GoMs or when he’s recording his Kaijō teammates doing tricks and dunks

his IGTVs are either skincare tutorials, fashion advice… or just… unexplainable, out-of-context shitposts of Kise running away from what fans assumed “a green-haired man” or some “captain”

follower account?? 124k

who wouldn’t resist a hot model?

DEFINITELY HAS A TIKTOK I CAN FEEL IT

@kiseryouta with an official verification next to it

people either love him or hate him

posts a casual selfie from time to time, and people praise him for “being real” LMAODOA AND HE’S JUST STARING AT HIS PHONE LIKE “??? IMIG BUT I JUST FELT CUTE TODAY”

his captions feel fake LMAO like: “Wow! today’s so pretty today!” as he puts a selfie post OR “What’s your favorite game?✨” under a professionally-shot model picture that does not correlate with the caption???

has posted shitposts on his stories and his fans are utterly confused… only the GoMs get it LMAO

Midorima Shintarou

ONLY reason why he has social media is because Takao convinced him that he could let everyone know the daily lucky items for each signs for every post he makes

so for the first 2 months of having instagram he just casually posts a “daily horoscope” report(?) for the day

his content attracted in all the astrology fans and people who are devoted to tarots

and he’s CONFUSED.

… Takao may or may not have played a hand in messing with the algorithms to expose his account to bigger audiences

once Midorima finds out he’s MAD LMAO *insert Takao pain noises*

either goes down two paths: just casually continuing to post the daily Oha Asa predictions without interacting with anyone OR deleting his account and making a new PRIVATE one just for communication/lurking purposes

so he can honestly have 10k followers if he chooses to be a horoscope account or like 3 followers on his private, take it or leave it

maybe he has two accounts if he feels that having instagram has its merits

definitely has a shit ton of random stuff/posts in his saved collections

boomer energy, like… what’s a “reels” feature?? people talk to their phone camera and record that?? he’s squinting really hard and scratching his head

either has 356 horoscope posts on his “main” or like 19 posts on his private

has a rubber duck as a profile picture for BOTH ACCOUNTS HELP HIM

@oha_asa_ for his horoscope account or @shin_chan77 as his personal because he doesn’t know how to change his username (thanks, Takao LMAO)

Aomine Daiki

he doesn’t give a shit about instagram LOL

it’s MOMOI who handles his account because he doesn’t wanna bother with it LMAOO

she would tease him and try to “encourage” him to stop lazing around by taking pictures of him whenever he’s snoozing and posting it

but he’s so damn good-looking that his sleeping pictures got some traction with new fans

Aomine is still sleeping

his account also has pictures of him eating at Maji burger or at a café, and of course Momoi is the one snapping these photos of him

he started caring about it a little more once Momoi told him that he can post videos of himself doing trickshots and one-on-ones to potentially find worthy rivals over the internet and meet up

so now his account (videos, reels, IGTVs) are all riddled with basketball/small parkour footage shot by yours truly, Momoi

so his fanbase is split between thirsty people and people who genuinely admire him for his skills… but I mean there’s also people in both categories, anywho

he’d totally follow his favorite Japanese idols on IG if they had one

also would follow any NBA-related accounts/players he admires

has like 2.7k followers (but growing really fast) with like 176 posts of videos and random pictures of him

his profile picture is literally a picture of him sleeping by Momoi

@a_daikiii

Momoi Satsuki

LOTS OF REALLY cute, playful selfies, and a lot of them are used with cute filters from the Snow app

sometimes would post herself doing a really cute Tiktok dance while in her school uniform

she doesn’t post too much; she’s actually more into posting IG stories and making highlights out of them and then making highlight covers have a coordinating theme together

very aesthetic theme on her feed overall hehe

definitely uses her account to comment on other GoMs posts, often commenting something snarky on Aomine’s and Kise’s

actually has 1-2 IGTVs on the Vorpal Sword’s big game against the Jabberwocks

doesn’t have much of full-body shots/outfit pictures other than mirror selfies because Aomine refuses to take good pictures of her

only when she sees Kise or Kuroko is when she can ask either to be a photographer

she’s definitely gotten a few small collab offers from small businesses, but she usually ignores them because it’s not exactly her thing

her profile picture is just a selfie with a sketch-line cat ear filter

uses a bunch of emoticons on her bio, captions, comments, everything

⌒(ㅇㅅㅇ❀)⌒ or ☆⌒(＞。≪) or .₊̣̇.ෆ˟̑*̑˚̑*̑˟̑ෆ.₊̣̇.ෆ˟̑*̑˚̑*̑˟̑ෆ.₊̣̇.ෆ˟̑*̑˚̑*̑˟̑ෆ.₊̣̇.ෆ˟̑*̑˚̑*̑˟̑ෆ.₊̣̇. you get the picture

967 followers… that looks way too specific, but it’s somewhere around there; a lot of them came from Aomine’s account after they saw who’s been taking his pictures, and they wanna learn more about her??

around 40 posts?

@momoiowo

Murasakibara Atsushi

Himuro showed him how to use the app, but Murasakibara doesn’t find ANY USE FOR THIS LMAOO

he’d probably only get on it to look at food on the explore page and drool about the cuisines

keeps tabs on local places/restaurants/shops on instagram; those are probably the only accounts he’d follow tbh

it’s probably like ONE post and it’s an old picture of a dango on a plate he ate like 2 years ago

I have this image in my head that he has a really cute bento art as his profile picture?? can you imagine a Rilakkuma-shaped rice as his PROFILE PICTURE?

his bio is definitely: “hungry”

and that’s it

27 followers, and it’s literally just his Yōsen teammates, the GoMs and probably some other classmates of his

his captions are literally empty or 1-2 words

@oomaib0

Akashi Seijuro

only uses instagram because it’ll be beneficial for his company and to expand social networks, plus getting those sweet business deals and engagement

he doesn’t mind seeing really wholesome videos on the explore page though

when he wants to relax, a cat video melts his stress away

laughs to himself while he reads all the shenanigans underneath the GoMs’ posts

DEFINITELY loses a few brain cells seeing trolls and idiots on the internet… especially on controversial or political ones LMAO

he at first had to REFRAIN himself and take deep breaths before he just scrolls on, but he eventually got used to them and can now easily ignore them as easy as he breathes air

he actually enjoys shitposts and meme videos?? like he may not completely understand the meme trends sometimes, but he’ll still find it amusing enough for a chuckle

he ends up being the one who uses instagram the most? like Kise posts a shit ton, yeah, but Kise doesn’t really sit down and just scroll endlessly; Kise releases out content, while Akashi consumes the content

he reasons with himself that it’s to study his current demographics for the company, and while that may be true, Akashi just enjoys social media, plain and simple LOL

he does get to study the behaviors of all the generations using the platform, young folks and old folks alike, and it does get him excited in using his analytical skills to try to figure out people BEHIND a screen rather than those in front of him

it makes a really good challenge for him when he wants a good mental exercise

he has a post or two about his horses, his manor, and a video or two on him playing his violin?? but most are business-related, them being advertisements or business contracts/offers… things like that

his highlights are all about Q&As regarding the company, his background, his skillsets, etc. like an actual resumé

actually links current world issue cards/petitions on top of his company website; he’s quite an advocate

he actually doesn’t post about basketball because that’s something very close to his heart since it reminds him of his late mother… having that mixed in with his company-related posts feels wrong to him

27k followers, most of them are business-related accounts AND some are some followers his father bought for him without Akashi’s input to inflate engagement, etc.

@4k4shi… oh he thinks he’s SO CLEVER FOR MAKING THIS USERNAME LOL with the 4 being his jersey number and the 4s looking like As… AKASHI PLEASE—

his profile pic is like a professionally taken picture, nothing less for our king

his grammar and syntax are impeccable on social media; after all, he’s still being judged for how he carries himself even on the media

Kagami Taiga

mukbang guy… DEFINITELY

hot guy eating nine plates of steaks

IGTVs are filled with mukbang videos because Kuroko said he could make a living off of his appetite

HE COULD MAKE MONEY OFF OF JUST EATING? SIGN HIM UP.

on his posts, he posts dishes he makes for the day/is proud of and talks about the dish and ingredients briefly in the caption

that, or he has pictures of his new basketball shoes LMAO

or all of his basketball merch

HE’S DEFINITELY POSTED PICTURES OF LANDMARKS AND OTHER ICONIC PLACES HE’S TRAVELED TO (*cough* in America)

has a generic Jordan brand logo against a dark background as a profile picture

doesn’t have his face anywhere unless it’s in a mukbang video

279 followers or something

why do I have a feeling that he’ll accidentally blow up when Alex takes his phone to do a quick selfie on it?—

@taiga10

[svnarintaro]

idk

authors note: i am honestly kinda want to do some matchups for funzies so maybe shoot some asks if you guys want to :) [i do not claim to have written the song and all credit for the song goes towards the composer] plus i only did the first half of the song so ooPS :)

synopsis: have you never thought anything of your questionable relationship with midoriya, were you friends with benefits? were you two in a relationship? you just did not know. all you could feel were those little butterflies.

song: idk by highvyn

warnings: slight angst? kinda fluffy?

word count: 1.1k

midoriya izuku x !gn! reader

you looked at me 

your eyes they started wandering

his eyes were just lingering on you, everything you did just gave him pure joy just by watching you continue on with your day in peace. they danced around his classmates to find you the moment he walked in through the door, the given moment your eyes locked together you could see an ominous blush on his face, his eyes falling towards your feet and crawling back up, taking in every moment to really appreciate how you looked at the given moment. 

he didn’t know how to talk to you.

i never thought we’d 

ride the same wave

midoriya didn’t expect you to confess to each other about how you felt about him on a faithful night where the two of you were coming home from a long day of training and you two of you stopped to eat an ice cream sandwich. he remembers how the sky looked, how the pink blended with the yellow and the sun was nestling into place. you sat yourself on a swing rocking back and forth. 

“hey izuku?” you asked the boy next to you, your heart started to quicken from what you were about talk about, “yeah?”  letting it off your chest, you took it in a quick breath, “screw it- for past month izuku i think i might like you..” that’s when midoriya dropped his ice cream, his hands were shaking, no one has ever admitted their feelings. ‘shoot i screwed that up,’ you thought, you knew it was the worse idea to confess but you couldn’t keep it in anymore. izuku never had a person confess to him since he was five and that girl said she would marry him and then threw sand at him the next day. sure he often felt flushed around you but he didn’t know if he liked you back. “y-y/n-” “look i’m gonna go so just forget what i said, so let’s just keep our relationship at a friendship and no further.” you smiled as you turned around and ran home

your rippling 

you told me that i was in your dream 

a week later after avoiding izuku you could finally not hide when he walked into the room, he was fast asleep and and mumbling. it was absolutely adorable in your eyes. “y/n.. come back, you didn’t let me speak last time..” your eyes widened as you processed what he said in his sleep, ‘was he thinking right now?’ and as you were about to wake izuku up, iida already had beat you to it. you were just wondering, what was going on in his head.

i’m wondering:

is this what it seems?

midoriya was trying to look past the fact that you confessed to him last week but it kept replaying inside of his head, he just wished that he could’ve said something before you ran off. he wished that he finally was in touch with how he felt, he wished that things were different. he wished to have told you that he felt the same.

our feelings coincide

just stop playin’

playing truth or dare to pass time, was one of the worst ideas of the century, “midoriya, truth or dare?” tsu questioned, not wanting to risk saying his feelings out loud since you were playing too, “d-dare.” tsu was really trying to think of something that wasn’t too cynical for him, but enough to cause embarrassment. “put someone’s name in your instagram bio with hearts and everything for two days.” your ears perked up at the sound of the dare, you just hoped that you were going to be the name.

i’m not a psycho, psycho 

hoping my name is in you bio, bio 

you watched midoriya typing the name on his phone, with your legs crossed, you slipped your phone in the space so that you could check, and you kept refreshing until you saw the name on his instagram, “done!” midoriya peeped up. his heart was perpetuating out of his chest, he hoped and prayed that you were not on instagram just yet so he can spare himself from embarrassment. he knew that the had feelings for you then and there, you were all he could think about and your name was the first thing to pop into his head.

‘y/n <3′ 

there it was, there was your name, you honestly thought that you were going to see uraraka’s name instead. you had to hold your smile so you didn’t look like a maniac, you hoped this was a sign that it there was something there, you prayed again and again that he meant it, that it meant something. you felt hopeful.

there ain’t no telling where this might go 

but why cant we communicate?

it has been a month and the name was still there, you noticed how he would still avoid you but stare at you during class but refused to look you in the eye. at this point it was a running inside joke between everyone in class 1-a. “how long do you think he won’t confess to y/n already?” denki chuckled. but little did they know midoriya was around the corner listening on their conversation, he needed to make a plan to talk to you about how he feels. 

cause in my head i see us

intertwined, no track of time

stay up till’ the sun come

hand in mine, butterflies

go dumb when we on one

“how long do you think it will take for him to get out of this trance of his and actually eat his food?” iida whispered to todoroki, “40 minutes tops, he really is brilliant to hero work but a complete airhead when it comes to y/n.” midoriya was making heart eyes as he daydreamed about you and him walking together hand in hand, on a date, happy. now he needed to tell you how he felt. how he wanted nothing but you in his arms.

later on he was texting todoroki about his confession, hoping to get anything out of the local pretty boy. ‘so what are you going to do about this??’ todoroki asked, and proceeded to double text ‘you really need to make up a solid game plan.’ midoriya’s hands were sweaty, he really liked you and he was just wanted you two to be together again. ‘i need help here todoroki, what can i do to make it up to them?’ todoroki face palmed, “what an idiot,” and proceeded text him again, ‘well do you know where to start?’ midoriya texted back with this:

‘yeah but, idk’

todoroki practically gagged at how sappy midoriya was being, “feelings are kinda gross..”

[tiikeria]

Patron of the Poor, Protector of Outcasts

Title: Patron of the Poor, Protector of Outcasts Ship(s): None Rating: T Warning(s): Language Words: 1,874 words Summary: “I am Midas, God of Gold. Patron of the Poor and Protector of Outcasts. Wherever poverty and the downtrodden go, I’m needed. And Los Santos was full of it.” Notes: Huh. Two fics in two weeks? Am I feeling okay? I also have a third planned, and my lovely co-creator Pchew has one going as well. We like this AU bit too much. Anyway, enjoy!

Gavin didn’t like showing off what he could do. The more you played close to yourself, the more people underestimated you. That’s how he got such a reputation as a bumbling idiot. No one suspected the dumb one to swindle you out of everything, now did they?

But something was endearing about the childlike wonder Michael and Jeremy watched him with when he used his powers. Even the smallest thing seemed to capture their attention. His fellow Lads were so curious about what he could do, and, honestly, it was refreshing. Normally people regarded the gold from his hands with distrust and fear.

“So, what can you make?” Jeremy asked one afternoon, a lazy Sunday playing games and just enjoying each other’s company, “I mean, with the gold. Like, can you shape it, or is it just a flood, like before?”

Michael snorted, putting down his controller, “Jeremy just wants to know if you can make him a golden Spyro.”

“I do not!”

Gavin laughed, but produced the aforementioned dragon in his palm, shining brilliantly in the afternoon sun, “Shame, that, because I happen to have one, yeah?”

Jeremy’s pure joy and awe almost made him blush, “Okay, I do really want a golden Spyro, holy shit that is so fucking cool.”

“You think everything Spyro is cool, though.”

“I’m a simple man,” Jeremy stated, still staring longingly at the golden figure in Gavin’s hand, “I see Spyro, I’m happy. Same thing with whiskey.”

Giggles erupt from Gavin’s lips as he tosses the dragon to Jeremy, “Sorry, I can’t make golden whiskey. That’ll have to do.”

Michael huffs as Jeremy cradles his new toy like a father cradles a newborn, “What about me? What do I get? How dare you gift this schmuck something before you gift your Boi something! Does Boiship mean nothing to you, anymore!?”

“Michael, no, Michael!” More laughter bubbled from Gavin’s chest, “You’re my Boi, Michael! Jeremy’s my Lil J, but you’re my Boi! I have something for you, yeah? How about this?”

Gavin makes a show of it since he had their undivided attention, and because he could without the worry of scaring them. With a flourish, he presents Michael with a small, blocky, golden sword. Michael pretends to not be impressed, but Gavin can see the awe and joy in Michael’s eyes.

“Gold swords are for chumps, Boi!”

Gavin pretends to be offended, all part of the games they all play with each other, “I don’t bloody shit diamonds, Michael! But if you get me some, I might be persuaded to give you an upgrade.”

“You can do that?!” Jeremy perks up from where he had been admiring his little Spyro, “You can make diamond swords?”

“Well,” Gavin hums, “I can make swords. I’m sure making one out of diamonds isn’t impossible, yeah? Just have to figure it out. We could make a day of it, lads! I could teach you how to be smithies, just like I used to in the 1800s!”

“I always forget how fucking old you are,” Michael shakes his head, “I mean, you talk about the 1800s like it was last fucking year.”

“I’m only 3000 years old or summat. That’s nothing compared to other Gods!”

“‘Only 3000,’” Michael mocked in a high, squeaky, British accent, ignoring Gavin’s whines to stop being a “smegpot.” Jeremy laughed in turn at Gavin’s pout, but not unkindly, “You old ass Greek fuck.”

“If you’re Greek,” Jeremy giggled, “Why the fuck are you British?”

“What? What do you mean, ‘why am I British?’”

Jeremy throws his hands up in the air, “You were born in Ancient Greece. You lived in Ancient Greece for a long fucking time. You’ve lived in the US for a few decades. So why the fuck did you decide to be British?”

“Because I lived in the British Isles for over a century, Jeremy! I came over with the Romans and never bloody well left! I’m probably more British than Greek anymore, yeah?”

“I don’t think that’s how that works.”

“That’s not how you work,” Gavin grumbles petulantly, earning him a snort from the two other Lads.

“So you’re fake British. What the fuck made you come to Los Santos of all places? I mean, you went from European shithole to American super shithole.”

Gavin stretches out on the white sectional that took up most of the Fakes’ living room, sun streaming in the floor to ceiling windows making his skin look more golden than it really was. Jeremy and Michael settle down similarly, the quiet music from their abandoned game the only other sound in the room as Gavin collected his thoughts.

“Now that’s a question, innit?” He finally says, leveling them with a lopsided smile, “You know I’m God of Gold, yeah?”

“Of course,” Jeremy instantly answers, to which Gavin hums.

“That’s not all I’m God of. Most gods have other domains as well, like Artemis being Goddess of the Hunt, but also of Childbirth. Or Apollo being God of Medicine as well as Music and Prophesy. I also have other domains.

“Akakios contacted me a few decades ago, about 40 years, really, and said he found a city that needed me. He had been living in the States for quite a while at that point, from the Northeast to the South to the Midwest. Everywhere, yeah? But he had never said that about any of the cities he visited. So, I knew he had to be serious to even consider that a city needed my help.”

Both Michael and Jeremy watch Gavin closely as Gavin turns to look out over the city through the windows. Eventually, when Gavin didn’t start up again, Michael piped up, “So what else are you God of that made it so you could help Los Santos?”

Gavin smiled softly, “I am Midas, God of Gold. Patron of the Poor and Protector of Outcasts. Wherever poverty and the downtrodden go, I’m needed. And Los Santos was full of it. Corruption was even worse than it is now. At least 80% of the population was below the poverty level. Almost 30% were homeless. Kios saw these people and knew I could help them somehow. So, I boarded the next flight from London and got to work.”

“Jesus,” Jeremy breathed, “You fixed Los Santos?”

“I still am, yeah? Until these people no longer pray to me, I’m needed.”

The three were quiet for a moment, as Gavin watched the sun dip lower in the sky out the windows, buildings glinting in the late afternoon sun like steel and glass gemstones. He still had so much work to do to get Los Santos to where he’d be happy leaving it. So many were still born into poverty. Too many homeless and alone. He did what he could, but he was one God against a society that didn’t care.

Gavin started when Michael finally spoke, the tone in his voice leaving no room for argument. Gavin knew that tone very well. Michael had made up his mind about something and wasn’t about to be swayed.

“So, what can we do to help clean up the shit?”

“I…what?”

“You heard me. How can the crew help? We have more money than sense anymore. And most of us grew up in lower-class dumps like Los Santos. Hell, Fiona was raised here. I’ve been on the streets, and it sucks major doo doo. So, how can we help you make this place a level above a turd?”

Gavin felt a swell of emotion for his Boi, that extended to Jeremy when he saw him nod in agreement. Both of them were watching him in rapt attention as if soldiers waiting on their orders. And Gavin…well, Gavin knew exactly what they could do. A grin curled on his lips as he pulled out his phone to call a crew meeting.

“Boys…I think we need a heist.”

A few weeks later, the news would tell a peculiar tale. Someone had broken into dozens of homes of wealthy Los Santos citizens, all in one night. Nothing was taken but the clothes in their closets, and the food in their cupboards.

Meanwhile, every legitimate shelter in Los Santos, homeless camps, and charities received an anonymous donation of clothes and food. The only note was emblazoned with a green duck and written in gold ink.

Enjoy your donations. Make sure they’re used. We’ll be watching over you.

Of course, this didn’t make the news. Stories of the lower class never did. But that was just fine for the culprits; they didn’t do it for the fame or the fortune. No, they did it for the people. The people of their city.

It took a while before the police caught on to what the crew was doing. Sure, they still hit banks, but the majority of the stolen notes would end up funding an after-school program for at-risk youth. Expensive items would go missing, only to end up at a charity auction for a women’s center. And those few good officers saw what the crew was trying to accomplish. For the first time, the Fakes had allies in the LSPD; not many, but it was a start.

And the crew themselves seemed to have a new spark. Excitement in the air when they all sat down to plan the next heist, with the next recipient of their Robin Hooding. Jack heisted for a Children’s Hospital and they ended up with a small green duck on the new mural for the playground at the hospital’s campus. Geoff bolstered local AA and addiction groups, giving them the resources they needed to reach more people. Jeremy and Michael worked together to create boxing and wrestling programs for low-income kids. Matt and Trevor created STEM programs. Fiona worked on LBGT programs. Lindsay was adamant about helping the animals of Los Santos.

They all had their niche. And, together, they did their best to make good in the city.

Gavin was overjoyed, to say the least. To see the people he cared about the most helping him make the city a better place was everything he had ever hoped for. He still got prayers daily, almost hourly, but they were coming less as people had more places to turn for help. Of course, he would always answer the call, if needed, but he could finally relax after 40 years of doing everything he could to raise the city from its rough beginnings.

And he started to see a shift in the people as well. They were helping each other, raising each other from where they had fallen. Injustice was being spoken out against. Marches were organized for victims of senseless violence. People were donating more of their time and money to helping those around them. Gang wars turned into alliances against corruption. Ballas and Vagos worked side-by-side on cleaning up the rec center that bordered their territories. The Families extended protection to those too weak to fight for themselves, with no payment needed. Even Madrazo’s Cartel could be seen handing out food and blankets to the homeless.

Something had changed. Something had shifted.

Maybe there was still hope for Los Santos after all.

[dmintraining]

im about to just gush about my halfling family with no coherency so youve been warned

ok so my whole dnd experience began with one lightfoot halfling level one bard called eoifira maplefoot. i knew i wanted her to be Not A Good Person, but also didn't feel comfortable playing a bitch when i didn't know anything about the other players in the party, so i did what any normal person would do: i encorperated pretending to be nice to get what she wants into her back story.

eoifira's backstory time! (where we get introduced to the character i will play this summer, llwella, and a character i am desperate to play at some stage, erling) middle child of turpin and grace maplefoot (grace's maiden name was proudfoot), eoifira was taught to entertain by her grandmother on her mother's side. her mother's family ran the only inn and bar on a small island, but when her father married her mother, his parents moved in too. so, under one house, we have the proudfoot grandparents : otto and mary, and the maplefoot grandparents : hildegard and basso. turpin and grace had three children together, their eldest daughter, llwella, is two years older than eoifira, and their youngest is their son, erling.

like i said, mary taught eoifira how to entertain, through story telling, playing the lute, and playing the spoons. the two performed regularly in the bar. llwella was never a people person, but people liked her well enough and she was a wizard behind the bar from a young age. erling played a bigger role in the running of the inn than the bar, as he was far more gentle than his eldest sister and much less self-centered than eoifira.

running the only inn and bar meant that these three kids met a wide variety of folks, and for eoifira, that turned out to be a huge problem. a 16 year old eoifira met a 29 year old halfling wanderer with a chip on her shoulder, and became fast friends with her. by the time she was 18, eoifira had been indoctrinated into this other halfling's way of life : she would regularly travel to the mainland to aid in the slaughter the nobles who were partially responsible for the poverty of her island. the duo did not limit their targets based on age, if they were of noble descent, they were fair game. initially, eoifira was merely the distraction, flirting with guards and playing the damsel in distress while her girlfriend actually did the killing, but over time eoifira's hands became just as bloody.

no one could prove it was them, but popular opinion was that the girlfriend was the perpetrator, and when a 19 year old eoifira announced to her mother that she wanted to propose, grace maplefoot panicked and locked her daughter in her room. eventually, eoifira's would-be-fiancé stopped showing up at the island, and grace felt safe enough letting eoifira go about her chores on the island. one day, eoifira asks her mother for help out in the fields, where she'd offered to harvest the crops for an elderly neighbour. naturally, her mother agreed, thinking she'd be able to reconnect with her daughter, and explain why she did what she did, and to apologise.

she never got the chance. eoifira slit her throat in the field, disguised herself as a cabin boy using the uniform of a boy she'd murdered that morning, and escaped on a ship to the mainland before anyone even really noticed grace wasn't working the desk of the inn as usual.

on the mainland, eoifira searched for her lover. she found a grave. her lover had been trialed, convicted, and executed for the murders. she had never mentioned an accomplice.

unable to return to her homeland, and with the person she'd carefully curated her personality for dead, eoifira was at a loss.

unTIL she runs into a travelling group in the woods of rouges and college of whispers bards who live as they please, taking what they want. eoifira made a slight adaptation to her personality, so that instead of killing for a Cause, she would kill with Purpose: to get food/gold/possessions the group needed or wanted. unfortunately, eoifira fell in love with one of the bards, and thought it would be safe to come clean to him about her past in its entirety.

he was repulsed. she made a dramatic change to her personality, now advocating for sparing peoples lives; she was now a pacifist. eventually, the man she was in love with came around to her, and they got engaged, and lobbied for the party to become more merciful. the party got sick of their bullshit, and sprung an attack on the couple, killing her fiancé stone dead right in front of her. standing at a whopping three feet with an armor class of 13 and very little training as a bard, eoifira knew she didn't stand a chance, so she fell to her knees and started begging, claiming her lover her threatened to kill her if she hadn't done what she did. they believed her, the idiots.

that night, she went around to their individual tents and slit their throats as they slept.

once again alone in the world, and now in her 40's, eoifira began her life on the run, never really staying in one town for too long, preforming in taverns in return for lodgings and food. there's more on her, but im going to take us back to the island, the day of the murder.

llwella actually discovers the body. she and her sister were close (or so she thought), so initially llwella thought that whatever had slaughtered her mother had gotten to eoifira too, and went into mourning with the rest of the family. then, the murder of the cabin boy came to light. with very little digging, llwella followed the blood trail eoifira had left behind before and during her time with the party, and by the end of her investigation, became certain her sister had murdered her mother. she never felt as peaceful as the rest of her family- she had a horrible temper and a tendency to drag out grudges for longer than was healthy, but this discovery ignighted a rage in her that did not subside when she lashed out like she normally would. she knew she needed to be more proactive about this anger, and eventually joined a monkhood : the way of mercy. they were helping her work on her anger by channeling her energy into her job, which initially was to kill the patients who were beyond saving (think nurse ratched type), but as she progressed, she became responsible for reinforcing quarantines by any means necessary. eventually, she hit a block. she'd managed to work through most of the sources of her anger and use the energy productively, but try as they might, her fury towards her sister was too strong- it came to a point where it was affecting her work with the monks. they told her she needed to find and forgive eoifira if she ever wanted to progress.

llwella left to find her sister alright, but with no intention of forgiving her. she was going to end her sister if it was the last thing she did.

she spent years trying to find her, staying in inns she knew eoifira had preformed in and following her faint yet distinct trail left from her performances and charisma.

unbeknownst to llwella, she actually caught up to eoifira.

one evening, eoifira was sitting in a dark corner of an inn she'd just finished preforming in, having a nightcap before turning in for the night, when her sister appears. she sees llwella check in for the night at the desk, before immediately heading up to bed. eoifira moves to the desk, and starts flirting non-stop with the receptionist, flustering them so much that she manages to see the bookings list without getting noticed. she knows what room her sister is in.

in the wee hours of the morning, eoifira sneaks into her sister's room and slits her throat, running away before making sure she'd bled out.

luckily for llwella, there was a cleric in the vicinity, who'd been up late with night terrors, and heard her helpless gargling as he made his way back to bed. he was young, and only half-trained, and while llwella survived, her wound tends to seep blood and pus when she exherts herself to expend a ki point, and her voice is low, gravely, and prone to breaking. she has not yet come that close to her sister again.

back to their hometown : after their mother passed and the family went into grieving, erling, while mourning just as much as the others, subtly kept both of the family businesses running. there was a brief period of time where his father and his grandparents began to take up the reins again, but the workload fell on him once again once it was discovered eoifira was not in fact, dead, but on the run after having killed many people, mary included. when llwella joined the way of mercy, erling became enamoured with the idea of healing people. he loved his sisters, despite now having severe mixed feelings about eoifira, but he wanted to heal, he wanted to help people plain and simple. he didn't want to kill for fun like eoifira, but he didn't want to kill for mercy like llwella, he wanted to heal. but he was stuck behind a till and a bar for several years, until the proudfoots, now well into the ends of their lives, decided to sell the bar. his father took full responsibility for the inn, and with all four grandparents helping out here and there, erling felt comfortable enough to go out and chase his dream. unable to afford medical school, he reluctantly reached out to the monks his eldest sister had joined. he was upfront about his hang-ups about their practices, but opened up about his quiet and private worship of one of the deities they worship, mishakal. they directed him to a local collection of life clerics who worshipped the same goddess, and he became very happy there with them, at ease.

im yet to decide what whips him out of his peaceful life with these clerics and into a life of adventuring, but im pretty sure it will have something to do with either llwella or eoifira dragging him out either directly or indirectly (i have a feeling llwella might go missing, and it might be up to her brother to find her (because while eoifira doesn't hate her sister, she has pretty much washed her hands of her family))

[skybound2]

Since everything's a little weird right now & most seem to be bored I thought we could play a quarantine game 💘 answer the following! 1. how has your day been? 2. what is the last thing that made you smile? 3. what's keeping you entertained these days? 4. if you are in some kind of quarantine/self isolation: is there anything you'd like to achieve in this time? 5. post a selfie! (if you're comfortable with that) 6. last but not least: send this to some mutuals to keep the game going 💜

Hello my friend!! Thank you for visiting my inbox and for trying to spread a little cheer!! *HUGS* I’m not sure that my answers will be entirely cheery, but I’ll do my best to not let them be TOO maudlin either 😊

1. how has your day been? Not entirely awful! (How’s THAT for cheery?)

So Sunday’s are usually on the “not great” side of the scale for me on account of I take my medicine on Saturday nights, and so have to deal with the after effects on Sundays. Add to that the fact that yesterday was the first day of my period AND it’s a rainy mess outside AND this whole quarantine thing, and you have a recipe for complete rottenness. But, instead Magus and I ordered take out from this local brunch place (the one you and I ate at when you came to visit 😊😊) instead of cooking for ourselves today. And we played some video games, and cuddled up on the bed in the middle of the afternoon and read together. And that was all just so very pleasant that it counteracted all the not so great stuff and now I’m in a pretty content mood, which is - frankly - about all I am asking for these days!

2. what is the last thing that made you smile? Aside from getting this ask you mean? 😉💕😊

Well, my one niece video calls me 5 days a week to practice her singing lessons in front of a captive audience as it helps her a bunch, and so that call just ended a little bit ago and it always makes me smile, so let’s go with that.

3. what’s keeping you entertained these days? Well, Magus and I watched all of Star Trek: Picard over the last 2 weeks (SO. GOOD.), tried our hand at playing the Dune board game for the first time yesterday (we both think it would be better with more than 2 players, but it wasn’t bad even so), I started playing “The Outer Worlds” this week (spending WAY more time in the character creation section than was remotely reasonable and then have proceeded to BARELY play the actual game yet), AND I’ve been mainlining the music of The Amazing Devil like I might stop breathing if it stops playing, so… ALL OF THAT 😉😉

(Bonus! Have a pic of our chalkboard adorned with my current favorite line in my VERY MESSY writing from their song “Farewell Wanderlust” because when I obsess I OBSESS.

4. if you are in some kind of quarantine/self isolation: is there anything you’d like to achieve in this time? Well, my state (NJ for those of you out there reading this that HAVEN’T previously been in my house like the lovely Rose here 😊😊) is under a stay at home order with all non-essential businesses closed down, and a “voluntary” curfew in place with mild to moderate threats of formal lock down procedures coming our way if SOME IDIOTS DON’T STOP THROWING CORONA PARTIES, (because WTF!?!) but I was in self-isolation before that on account of my being high risk from the MS. So, YES I am in self-isolation/quarantine. 

As for what I would like to accomplish during this time? Well, to be honest, I am still working 40-50 hours each week remotely in a line of work that is considered partially essential (meaning aspects of what me and my team and my company do is considered “essential” while other aspects of it are not, so THAT has been a fun juggling act) and trying DESPERATELY to make sure that there is enough work to delay my company from furloughing my team for as long as possible WHILE trying to make sure that everyone is as safe as possible from the FREAKING plague while we all do our jobs and, I just… between the stress of that, the stress and frustration of STILL being in the middle of an MS flare, and the stress of the daily news, really all I am trying to achieve in this time is managing to MAINTAIN all of my normal activities as much as I can, without trying to add on the additional pressure of doing something MORE on top of that. 

So, like I make sure to do my German practice every day. And both Magus and I make sure to have regular video chats with all of our family to check in and see how everyone is doing. And we are making sure to spend LOTS of quality time with our pets. And staying active by making use of the gym equipment in our basement. Just…the basics for us, ya know? 

All that said, I would absolutely LOVE to get some writing done during this time, but considering I had been too stressed for MORE THAN A YEAR before the plague was upon us to manage much writing, I really am not going to beat myself up too much over not being able to manage it NOW. It’s there at the back of my head every day of course, but if it happens, it happens, if not? Well that’s okay too. 

5. post a selfie! (if you’re comfortable with that) While I am not comfortable with posting selfies to tumblr, I AM more than willing to post pics of the pets! So here you have Cider the Cat, Boo the Cat, and Phoebe the Dog all enjoying a rainy weekend in the very best of ways:

AND, as an added bonus, a pic of the Office Fish which have recently been relocated to our house so that they don’t die from neglect while my company office is locked up (with bonus pic of Cider being enamored with them).

[douxreviews]

The Lizzie Bennet Diaries - Series Review

“Save the world; change the culture!”

Pride and Prejudice for the YouTube generation, this iteration of the story is comic, well written, and fun. I went into it with a great deal of skepticism; I finished it a fan.

Told over the course of 100 diary entries, ranging from three to six minutes, we meet Lizzie and her circle and watch as she falls in love with Darcy. Lizzie is a twenty-four year old grad student, with a mountain of student loans, living at home and preparing for a career. Her favorite movie star is Colin Firth. Her best friend is Charlotte; her younger sister is Lydia who is “a bit of a slut;” her older sister is Jane who is “practically perfect in every way.” Her mother is controlling; her father is wonderful.

Lizzie is the main face on camera, with frequent guest spots from Charlotte and her sisters. Lizzie acts out her parents and we only hear about Caroline, Bing, Darcy, and Collins long before they actually appear on our screens.

Somehow, it works. It probably helps that I know the story so well, but I was able to follow exactly what was happening with no problem. The videos follow the basic story much more closely than I would have guessed. Yes, the balls become dances and weddings and there is a lot of meeting at the local bar, Carter’s, to play video games, but the basic bones are identical.

The story kicks off when Bing Lee, rich, handsome, and single, moves into the neighborhood and runs into the family at a mutual friend’s wedding. With him is Darcy, aka Mr. Douchey, who is richer and more handsome than Bing, but too obnoxious to be taken seriously. Jane and Bing hit it off and, eventually, we meet Bing and Caroline while Jane and Lizzie are staying at their house because the Bennet house is being renovated.

The most interesting part of the series for me was when Mr. Collins, Ricky, proposes to Lizzie. What he offers this out of work grad student with money problems is a very lucrative job. Of course she turns it down, but for the first time since I have been reading this story (and it’s been over forty years), I got a real sense of what Elizabeth gives up when she refuses Mr. Collins in the book.

This was also the point that the series got much more emotional. There is a series of episodes in which we see Charlotte accept Ricky’s job offer, Lizzie try to talk her out of it, and Lizzie really miss her friend. The series transitioned from strictly humorous to serious, but because we had spent so much time with these people, it worked. It also worked because the show didn’t wallow. It took the time to make this beat work and then it moved on.

The last twenty or so episodes took this story to a whole other level, one that was true to the source material, yet updated it so that it resonated with an emotion that I am not sure I have ever completely felt in other iterations of this story I have seen.

Lydia gets involved with George, now Lizzie’s ex, and what he does to her is simply wretched. Unlike the book, Lydia is completely aware of what he has done and we have to watch as this vibrant, funny, obnoxious young woman’s world shatters. Her sisters are there to help her through, but there is an episode in which Lydia collapses into Lizzie’s arms that moved me beyond the telling of it. I didn’t think it was possible to feel sympathy for this character, but I did. Quite a bit.

If you know the story, you know how it is going to end. It takes us until Episode 98, but the scene where Darcy and Lizzie finally come together is simply wonderful. It is sweet and romantic and I loved it. By this time, we have spent nearly six hours with these characters and their HEA is well earned. I watched 98 three times, grinning like an idiot throughout.

The one downside of this series is that 100 episodes is a lot and there is more than one episode that is pure filler. They do, to a degree, give us some insight into the people talking, but they can drag a bit. It also took a while for me to get into the story. I wanted to get this review up, so I had scheduled 20 episodes a day. By the time I had finished 40, however, I dropped everything to marathon through the rest.

This is a simply wonderful update on the classic story. The girls all have school, jobs and each other. Their men, while they love them and choose to be with them, are not the endgame -- a refreshing change over the past 200 years.

If you love Pride and Prejudice, this will not disappoint. I didn’t want it to end.

ChrisB spends far too much time in front of a screen or with a book in her hand.

[hypersensitiveheart]

Questions for fun

All about me  1: Full name: Duchess is the only name I give online 2: Age: 30  3: 3 Fears: Men, Pigs, bugs 4: 3 things I love: JJBA, sweet foods, Soda 5: 4 turns on: Intelligence, Common sense, Well Read, Sense of Humor .6: 4 turns off: Arrogance, Rudeness, Drug use, Drinking  7: My best friend: He-man ( My husband), And Wonder Woman (My mother) 8: Sexual orientation: Demisexual 9: My best first date: My first date with He-man, at our local mall 10: How tall am I: Tiny. Three inches over five feet. 11: What do I miss: My grandma. 12: What time were I born: 11 am. Which is weird considering I hate mornings and mostly sleep through them.  13: Favourite color: Blue  14: Do I have a crush: He-Man, Jotaro, Sabretooth, And many other fictional characters.  15: Favourite quote:  16: Favourite place: My sisters house.  17: Favourite food: Tacos  18: Do I use sarcasm: So often that I am always asked if I am serious or not.  19: What am I listening to right now: Motley Crue .20: First thing I notice in new person: Eyes. Height.  21: Shoe size: 9  22: Eye color: Greyish Blue 23: Hair color: Now, light brown, natural Blonde.  24: Favourite style of clothing: Comfy, or punk.  25: Ever done a prank call?: No.  27: Meaning behind my URL: Simply, my name for my blog.  28: Favourite movie: I have many so I’ll just pick one this time and say Boo York, Boo York.  29: Favourite song: True Colors- Cyndi Lauper, My idol.  30: Favourite band: Blondie 31: How I feel right now: Not great.  32: Someone I love: Opal.  33: My current relationship status: Married 34: My relationship with my parents: Great. We all love each other and live together.  35: Favourite holiday: Christmas.  36: Tattoos and piercing i have: 3 tattoos, 3 piercings. 37: Tattoos and piercing i want: I don’t want any more piecings, but many more tattoos.  38: The reason I joined Tumblr: My friend showed it to me, back in like 2009? 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: He didn’t love me, like at all, but I was crazy about him for years. I should have the word idiot tattooed on me.  40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: No.  41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?: Considering it was He-man, yes I did.  42: When did I last hold hands?: Walking with He-man Saturday 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: I’ve never timed it. I wake up, Brush my hair ETC. I don’t wear make up and usually just put my hair in a pony tail.  44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?: No.  45: Where am I right now?: My home.  46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: I don’t drink.  47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: I do both depending on what mood I am in.  48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?: Yes, and we couldn’t be happier to be together.  49: Am I excited for anything?: No.  50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?: He-man.  51: How often do I wear a fake smile?: Not very often. I’m not the best at hiding my emotions.  52: When was the last time I hugged someone?: Like 30 minutes ago.  53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: Probably immediately die from a broken heart.  54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?: No. I barley trust anyone. There’s a reason I don’t ever put my photo on the internet, and it is not what people would think it is.  55: What is something I disliked about today?: Everything. But I’m trying to turn a negative into a positive.  56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: A respectable Pastor, who is not a snake oil salesman like all the ones I’ve met, who I could actually talk to.  57: What do I think about most?: He-man, and Wonder Woman. Also I’m haunted. So that takes up a lot of time.  58: What’s my strangest talent?: I can bend my toes backwards.  59: Do I have any strange phobias?: Pigs. Bugs. Water, all sea life.  60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: Behind. I refuse to have my photo taken.  61: What was the last lie I told?: I’m okay.  62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: Neither. Texting or instant messenger.  63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Ghosts, yes I’ve seen them. Aliens, I have no clue, and don’t honestly care. 64: Do I believe in magic?: Certain types of it yes.  65: Do I believe in luck?: YES! And I only say this with such assurance because I have the worst luck in the entire universe.  66: What’s the weather like right now?: Sunny. It���s disgusting. Where is the rain, and dreary days I love so much.  67: What was the last book I’ve read?: Mara Wilson’s book.  68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?: No.  69: Do I have any nicknames?: Yeah.  70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?: I’m having a complete hysterectomy, with removal of the ovaries and tubes so I’m assuming that will be it.  71: Do I spend money or save it?: I don’t have any to do either.  72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?: The very bottom.  73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?:Yes 74: Favourite animal?: Swan 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: Reading 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?: Sample.  77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?: Heart of glass- Blondie 78: How can you win my heart?: It belongs to He-man. Sorry. 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?: Finally Free. 80: What is my favorite word?: Pamplemousse  81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: I don’t know.  82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: Love each other. Be kind. Stop all the hatred.  83: Do I have any relatives in jail?: Yes, I also have quite a few that belong there, and have been in and out their whole adult life.  84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?: Flight.  85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?: What do you look like.  86: What is my current desktop picture?: Monster high 87: Had sex?: Yes 88: Bought condoms?: Yes 89: Gotten pregnant?: No 90: Failed a class?: Yes91: Kissed a boy?: Yes 92: Kissed a girl?: Yes 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?: Maybe? It wasn’t anything romantic.  94: Had job?: Yes .95: Left the house without my wallet?: Yes 96: Bullied someone on the internet?: No.  97: Had sex in public?: No 98: Played on a sports team?: yes 99: Smoked weed?: Yes 100: Did drugs?: No 101: Smoked cigarettes?: Yes 102: Drank alcohol?: I have before, but I really don’t like the taste 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?: No. I don’t like meat, but there is some certain types that I will eat.  104: Been overweight?: Yes.  105: Been underweight?: no. 106: Been to a wedding?: Yes 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: Yes, I’m a writer.  108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?: Yes 109: Been outside my home country?: No 110: Gotten my heart broken?: Yes 111: Been to a professional sports game?: A college basketball game. 112: Broken a bone?: Toes 113: Cut myself?: Yes 114: Been to prom?: Yes 115: Been in airplane?:no 116: Fly by helicopter?: No 117: What concerts have I been to?: I saw ted nugent play at our county fair. 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?: No 119: Learned another language?:no 120: Wore make up?: Yes 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?: no 122: Had oral sex?: Yes 123: Dyed my hair?: Oh god yes.  124: Voted in a presidential election?: Yes 125: Rode in an ambulance?: No 126: Had a surgery?: Yes 127: Met someone famous?: Locally famous, yes.  128: Stalked someone on a social network?: No 129: Peed outside?: No 130: Been fishing?: Yes 131: Helped with charity?: Yes 132: Been rejected by a crush?: yes 133: Broken a mirror?: Yes 134: What do I want for birthday?: I already had mine this year.  135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?: None. 136: Was I named after anyone?: My grandmother and my aunt suzi and I all share the same middle name. 137: Do I like my handwriting?: no 138: What was my favourite toy as a child?: Polly pocket and my little pony toys 139: Favourite Tv Show?: Matlock 140: Where do I want to live when older?: Who knows. 141: Play any musical instrument?: No.  142: One of my scars, how did I get it?: I have one scar on my leg from when a dog ripped me open and took out a big hunk.  143: Favourite pizza toping?: Extra Cheese 144: Am I afraid of the dark?: Sometimes. 145: Am I afraid of heights?: Somtimes 146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?: Yup 147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?: Story  of my life yo.  148: What I’m really bad at: Math 149: What my greatest achievments are: A happy Marriage.  150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: There’s too many of these to pick. I get told something like this every single day of my life.  151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: pay debt, buy a house.  152: What do I like about myself: I have good hair.  153: My closest Tumblr friend: Taima.  154: Something I fantasise about: Flying.  155: Any question you’d like?: No thank you. �㫲���kS�}

[local-idiot-heartbroken-blog]

08.10.2018: 2-0 + Dried Up Opportunities

For my third date with Taylor we went to the Golden Road Brewery and Laguna Beach. The ride situation was a little uncertain because on Fridays she gets off early (1pm). Before getting off work I texted her saying I can pick her up since she lives really close to the brewery. This was crucial because I wanted to take her to the beach and taking one car was most convenient. She agreed and things seemingly were shifting in my favor. One 40 minute drive later, I arrived at her house. I walked up to the door because I like old fashioned gestures like that and it felt right to do so. Taylor walked up to the door and my goodness she looked stunning.  It was either a dress or a romper (it’s hard to tell the difference); I could see why she chose it because it showcased her figure really well. When we started walking towards the car, I decided to do something that I’ve never done: I opened the car door for her. While this sounds silly, I actually have never done that for anyone in my 21 years of life. I can definitely say the gesture got easier the more I did it. After struggling to find parking for 20 minutes or so (thanks to the Angel’s game/who even watches baseball it’s boring af) we walked towards the brewery. I used that time to ask her what kind of beer she likes to drink because I needed to gauge her experience given that I have 0. Luckily for me, we were about the same experience level and had some suggestions for good beers from my coworkers. While we were walking in Taylor noted how the place was really lively and colorful. She seems to be easily entertained like me so I was happy she was enjoying the environment. We ordered two entrees and one appetizer to share. For the drinks I ordered a Hefeweizen (honestly wtf kind of name) and she ordered a Mango Cart (one of their most popular signature beers). The conversations this time around were a bit more serious, we talked about family and past relationships. I felt like these topics really determined compatibility between us.  Once we finished our food and drinks, we headed over to play ping pong because that’s the main reason we came (I challenged her through text and suggested we make a date out of it). When she said she was good, she definitely wasn’t bluffing. I lost 2-0 and the margin between our points was pretty bad (21-9 & 21-13). Although I hate losing in most cases, I was just happy that she was enjoying herself. I see some similarities between me and her: she’s withdrawn but also easily excitable, she laughs at the simplest things but also overthinks. After sweating out the alcohol over ping pong I told her we have another destination to go. I didn’t tell her where we were going because I wanted to surprise her. Thanks to the freeway signs she caught on pretty fast so she knew we were going to Laguna. The original location I wanted to go to was Victoria Beach, but it was blocked by private property. We walked around for about 15 minutes trying to see if there was an alternative route to get down there. There was no luck so we decided to walk towards the resort to see if there was any beach access. Once again luck was on our side because there was a pathway labeled ‘beach access’. We followed it until we hit the stairs leading toward the shore. I asked her if she wanted to sit on the sand because I brought towels for this very reason. She looked at me and said “we could sit on the sand orrrrrr we could sit on the lifeguard tower”. Objectively the lifeguard was the superior choice so we climbed onto it and settled in. The visuals were insane, part of the water was illuminated by a spotlight and the waves were crashing all around us. The beach we ended up at instead of Victoria Beach was called Treasure Island. It was more private and had a strange curve to it which created an illusion of it being an island. The 30-45 minutes we spent there, there was less conversation, but it also felt much more intimate. She noted that my anxiety was pretty bad because she could see how fidgety I was and my speech patterns. She told me to just enjoy the view and take it in (something I get quite often). After that I spoke less and instead focused my attention to the scenery. The cycle of the waves was really hypnotic and I really did feel more at ease. After a little bit of enjoying the view, she leaned her head onto my shoulder so I held her. Because of how close we were I could feel her breathing and heart rate. I can't really say whether that calmed me or gave me more to think about. It felt really nice sharing physical intimacy with someone because it’s been more than half a year since I’ve experienced it. Because she had to get up early the next day I told her we should probably head back to the car. She really didn’t want to leave the beach, so I knew then and there that I definitely did a good job with this date as well. On the drive home we held hands while she sang along to the songs on the radio (that typical almost end of the date type scene). To my dismay, the 55 was closed so I was forced to ride the toll road for about 2 miles. I exited the soonest I could, but once I took it we got flashed by the booth. We finally got back to her place after another 40 minute drive. This is where quite possibly my worst date mistake happened. She’s standing on the curb of the sidewalk and I’m on the street we are about eye level. I hug her tight to say bye, but I notice she’s a little jittery and I’m like what the heck. What comes out of her mouth next really shocked me. She said “you can try and kiss me now” and I was just so taken aback that I said something even more shocking than her. I fucking said “my lips are a little chapped, can I use some chapstick?” (WHO THE FUCK SAYS THAT?!). She laughed and said “nvm moment ruined” and I was trying to salvage the lost opportunity so I said “they’re not that chapped, how about just a peck?”. Holy shit, I was so embarrassed, she closed her eyes and nodded so I did it. I’m a true embarrassment to society. I scuffed that opportunity so hard, it seems even though the dates go smoothly I never finish strong. 2-0 describes how many L’s I’ve taken in ping pong and at the end of my dates. I feel bad she has to deal with my awkward and outspoken ass. If she somehow forgives this and gives me another chance I shall continue this chapter of my life as the local idiot heartbroken. 

[fabianavolpato-blog]

The Eye Collector

The clock on the bloodstained wall marks exactly two o’clock in the morning, the cold breeze coming in through the broken window freezes my private operating room. The rusty surgical instruments, the aluminum stretcher and the flashing lights on the moldy ceiling complement a dark and grotesque environment, reminiscing nostalgically my days as a coroner at the morgue in São Paulo.

Seeing the bodies exposed at work exalted my creative mind. The left side of my brain has always been highlighted over the right side, I confess that it’s not easy to feed the aggressive, impulsive and fearless beast that lives inside me. The unbridled psychopathy that I carry like a two-ton weight, has grown over the past few years, due to the lack of capacity and professionalism of my late psychiatrist Dr. Eduardo Monister.

The monster that I am today is the result of a reflection of a life filled with hate, evil and abandonment, but that don’t dissolve the guilt that I don’t have, but I know that I would have it if I felt something, a single feeling.

Within the world that I created, I only seek to demonstrate my potential. It’s not a mere whim, I subtract from the rotten streets of Campinas the sum of the society, that harm the fate of good people. Being a police investigator in my spare time, makes it easier to search for future victims, whom I choose by hand.

Right now, as I introduce myself to you, I scalp a 40-year-old man. Fat, bald and filled with stretch marks, his legs, arms, torso and limbs are separated one by one on the table orderly, satisfying my desire for now. In less than a minute, I will shred your remains so there are no clues or suspicions, being cautious never hurts.

This mediocre rapist will never use his dick again. Ending the ritual as usual, I will keep one of his cornea in my solid wooden box. Blessed souvenir addiction.

The art of annihilating with the revenge flame made me the most feared serial killer in the country. I have several names spread on social media, like crazy, vigilante, abominable, devil, tramp, but by the local news and criminal investigations in my PD, I am titled as case 346 “The Eye Collector”. The status of the investigation remains open.

— Júlio Fonseca, you bastard! What can I do for you?

— Rafael, my friend. How are you? I want to ask you a huge favor, and you’re the best.

— Don’t come here and drool my egg! Tell me right now, I’m leaving for lunch.

– I want to analyze some files from last week’s convicts. I need to include the final reports and send it to Isadora, so she can file it. – Asked Júlio with a smile on his face.

— Didn’t you know? She was stabbed and is in the hospital. Her jealous husband sent a warning, just in case she proceeds with the divorce.

— Really? Robson Azevedo? From the new year party?

— Yes, that bastard! He paid the bail laughing behind our backs and went out using the front door.

— Mother#@*$%&! I hope justice can be done in a way or another. About the paperwork, I hand over to the intern. Thank you for letting me know.

It’s a pity that woman still suffer from domestic violence, we are in the 21st century and not in the stone age. There are so many laws to protect them and none of them has any effect. I get angry when I witness such coward attitude without punishment. The habeas corpus granted by the crap judge last week, will be his death sentence. This early morning, I will give him an unpleasant gift. Did I mention that I’m bored? Another “ham” about to visit my magic cocoon, where you enter alive and leaves ground. I’m getting more and more hilarious.

I’m following him in my blue Beetle at midnight on 08/08/2019. A good date to rip off the devil’s carcass. I watch his steps at least a thousand miles away. There’s nothing unusual, the idiot enters at the market to buy beer and bread, he didn’t use his card. As I track his calls from the past few days, I notice a quick change of route. The good looking, tall and bad tasting blond walks slowly. He wears a black sweatshirt, dark jeans and white sneakers, but what I’m questioning in an uninterrupted way is the strange acquisition at Manoel’s pharmacy. Why tampons?

I keep my modern 1945 vehicle in a clandestine parking lot, I don’t want anyone to know about my favorite hobby. I walk between posts and isolated streets to avoid further complications. The athlete continues to walk to his mansion in the Cambuí neighborhood.

I’m sweating like a pig, the dryness I feel in my mouth transforms my mood. I swear, I’m going to kill this bastard eagerly.

I enter through the open window of the room, jumping over the wall gave me a rip in my leg, I focus my attention on the private security guards, at least eight of them are setting am ambush. The enhance protection sounds ominous to a simple dentist. His family is rich, but he doesn’t suffer constant threats. What the fuck is happening here? What this bastard is hiding?

I continue to crawl between the rooms, passing by the entrance hall, living room, bathroom, theater, game room, gym, library, sauna, kitchen, maid’s room. Holy Mother of God! I’m in a resort.

I stay down, waiting for a signal to attack. It will not be easy to take him with the gorillas on the loose. I need a different, clean and safe strategy. I feel his vulgar presence coming on my way. My fingers firmly grasp a sharp knife that I stole from the barbecue kit. Weird, right? Want to know something? I’m out of ideas. I’m going to activate the “who cares” mode and put this metal beauty in this lamb’s jugular. In three, two, one…

— Help! Robson get me out of here! Let me go…I won’t tell anyone about what happened. I can’t take it anymore. – Screams of pain and despair echoed from Veronica, Robson new victim.

— Shut up, Veronica! You’re going to die like the others and don’t miss me, I’m coming back to put a bullet in your head. I will get rid of you as soon as possible. Stop crying! – The masochistic dentist laughed as he walked into the kitchen. What he didn’t count on was the illustrious presence of our dear Júlio.

— Hello asshole! Let’s play?

— Let me go!

The pool of blood that formed like a red river soothed my inert heart. Symbolic, but real, my momentary pleasure merged with the feeling of accomplishment. The deceased dying on the floor, sharpened the macabre side that was numb inside me. I was savoring every second of his pain. Do you know why? Because I’m a freak!

Since childhood, I have been fascinated by human expression. Have you notice it? The frown on the forehead signaling emotions, the elastic cheeks against the mouth. The nose with its varied shapes is essential for our survival. Curly ears bringing the sound of the universe. The mouth full with teeth, savoring foods from the most diverse cultures. And, of course, my weak point is the eyes, two dazzling beings that reveal the naked truth. Now you know the reason for my private collection. By the way, I don’t sell it. And in my pocket, I have a brand new one.

Anyway, while I was talking to you, reflecting about my peculiar taste, I took the opportunity to shoot the accomplices. Clear shoots in the brain to avoiding wasting time. I hooded my ugly face and saved the kidnapped maiden. Who knew I would discover an organ trafficking lair? This palace of horror really surprised me.

So, that’s it guys, I’m going back to my shack. I need my bed and black coffee and tomorrow morning, eating a delicious bread with cheese, I’m going to laugh in a sarcastic way with the urgent news reporting a new attack from the Eye Collector.

— Good evening, Isadora. How are you?

— Olá, Rafael. Much better now, thanks. Did you heard about my ex?

— Yes. Is everything okay? How did you react?

— I am relieved. Here’s the report you asked for from the crime scene. It contains the fingerprints of those involved and the videos from the hidden cameras.

— Who saw the evidences?

— No one. It is confidential and due to your recent promotion, only you have access. Do you need anything else?

— Yes, please, can you give me Júlio’s number? And you can go, it’s getting dark and I don’t want you in danger. See you on Monday, bye.

— Here it is, bye. See ya!

************

— Hello, Júlio? Can you speak?

— Yes, I heard that you received a salary increase.

— Oops! An anonymous call revealed a hot scheme. Do you wanna hang out?

— Is the Greek gift in hand?

— That’s right! Let’s go drink? And burn some papers?

— For sure. I meet you in an hour.

Autor: Fabiana Volpato

[massielandnetwork]

Important Economic Trends During Anarchy

2021 – Let the Games Begin

15. A Christian Secession – Distortions are Bubbling

Did you enjoy “Happy Birthing Person Day”? I gave the Love of My Life a bouquet of her favorite flowers. It would have been interesting to visit a card shop and see how many Birthing Person Day versus Mother’s Day cards were on the racks. “Birthing Person” is probably only useful as a tool to identify idiots like the Demented Marxists (DMs) in control of our Congress.

Perhaps Melinda Gates should be the U. S. Attorney General. She is the only person that has displayed any moral backbone of those connected with Jeffrey Epstein and his pedophilia gang. Epstein constantly bubbles to the surface like methane gas from a land fill and yet no one has been prosecuted for the crimes committed. At least Melinda is publicly cleaning Billy’s plow. I wonder what she would do with Hunter’s laptop?

Meanwhile the Keystone Kops (aka FBI and Department of Justice) are fully committed to prosecuting Americans that were upset about election fraud in DC on January 6 while giving free rides to Antifa that destroyed Billions of Dollars of property in numerous USA cities. They have Hunter Biden’s laptop and all of Epstein’s video/data along with his female accomplice but are unable identify any laws broken? Do the DOJ/FBI/DM’s get together for MOVIE NIGHT with Biden’s and Epstein’s libraries? Who do you think is now collecting the blackmail payments?

Gas lines, a middle east war (did you see the videos of Israel’s Iron Dome defending against 130 rockets form Hama?), rising inflation– this does feel familiar. The price of corn is up 120%, soybeans are up 60% and wheat is up 40% over last year so food prices are going to soar. The “D Team” is in charge (Democrats, aka Demented Marxists). I have yet to identify a D Team member that has accomplished anything in real life. Build Back Better must mean Trash First.

In a bright spot, Martha’s Vineyard has voted in favor of a huge windmill farm thus marking the first time The Elites have abused themselves. Those Chinese made windmills are 900 feet tall (the equivalent of a 90-story building), noisy, plus there are reports of serious vibrations. Not to mention ugly like a solar farm. This should be fun to watch. If you own property there, sell.

Pre-Wuhan Virus, the American economy was humming. Economic growth was the strongest in decades, unemployment was the lowest in decades, and businesses were growing but running with lean inventories practicing “Just in Time” supply pipeline management. With the abrupt shutdown, toilet paper became scarce because folks overreacted buying multiple years’ worth of toilet paper. The toilet paper manufacturers went into overtime producing the maximum supply trying to catch up with demand. Today, toilet paper is in such surplus that “Free Toilet Paper” is a giveaway inducement for other goods. That was an artificial distortion of the market where the short-term demand for toilet paper exceeded supply.

The same dynamic is in play in steel, OSB board, drywall, computer chips, even labor, in fact almost everywhere. Our economy is experiencing distortions so prices are rising to balance supply with demand. Many of the shortages are artificially created by our DM government paying folks NOT to work thus depriving business of the labor they need to expand their production. The DMs in control of Congress, the White House, and the various government agencies seem amazed that if you pay people not to work, they do not work. Incompetence.

Signs advertising for workers are everywhere yet unemployment is increasing. Actually, the number of folks on the government dole is increasing. Government is not the answer to the problem, IT IS THE PROBLEM. The only solution is less government.

Meanwhile, everything costs significantly more than one year ago. The Fed says it is temporary because as workers return to their jobs, more productivity will come online and prices will decline. Theoretically, that is correct but prices tend to be “Sticky” going down. Furthermore, that analysis does not take into account the increased cost of energy, materials, etc.

The fact … this is the front edge of serious inflation. We have discussed for some time that the alternatives were rapid economic growth (Trump’s agenda) or devaluation/inflation (Biden and his fellow DM’s agenda). Trump’s agenda would have created wealth, the DM’s agenda brings only pain. Those of us that lived through the Stagflation of the late 1970’s have seen this nasty combination before when Jimmy Carter was President. Cinch up your saddle, this will be ugly.

Here are some critical economic events.

1. U. S. Steel canceled their planned $1.5 Billion investment in a new manufacturing facility in Pennsylvania. They join Ford in canceling Billion Dollar investments in manufacturing here in the US. Biden’s investment partner, China, wins again. Are you tired of losing yet?

2. Ransomware attacks are up because the wealth of the USA makes us particularly great target. But Biden and his fellow DMs have the answer just like about the crisis at our southern border? “Crisis? I do not see a crisis.” Dementia has a benefit.

3. Green energy is not economically viable without enormous government (taxpayer) support which is a red flag to any thinking person. The current gas shortages are caused by ransomware but is a foretaste of government by Green Energy illusionists/ DMs.

Keep watching the activity about the fraudulent election last November.

1. Michigan – The Antrim County investigation results are in and they prove massive fraud. The bulldog attorney that is pursuing that investigation despite DM threats has filed with a court seeing to EXPAND the audit. Previously the Michigan Supreme Court previously ruled that the Michigan Secretary of State exceeded her authority when she approved a variety of changes to the state’s election laws. Was the “certified” election in Michigan a fraud? YES.

2. The Arizona legislature authorized recount of 2.1 Million votes in Maricopa County, Arizona is rolling despite the DMs attempt to prevent it. I have read that the Department of Justice has 100 attorneys assigned to shut down the audit. Do you find it interesting that the DM’s do not want the election audited?

3. Apparently, Mark Zuckerberg gave $400 Million to localities for the election so long as his group could run those elections. Facebook needs regulation.

4. Lawsuits have been filed and counter filed by Mike Lindell, Sidney Powell, and Dominion (the voting machine company). Stay tuned, much more to come.

121 days into the DMs’ coup (the longest four months EVER), I am already tired of losing and exhausted with self-important politicians and bureaucrats who in the real world would be recognized as idiots. Here are some recent events that will impact our economic future:

1. The Fed says they are going to continue their Quantitative Easing (QE) or another 2+ years. The stock market has realized that inflation is here. The Fed knows any reduction in QE will mean higher interest rates. Higher interest rates mean a slower real estate market and ultimately lower prices for real estate and financial assets.

2. It was reported on Wednesday that the annual inflation rate for April was 4.2%. As the rate of inflation continues to increase, the financial markets will raise interest rates faster than The Fed anticipates or force The Fed to greatly expand their QE. Watch the 10-year Treasury. Without QE, interest rates would be higher today. Various sources estimate that by the end of 2021 the 10-year Treasury will be 2.5% to 3.0% and mortgage rates will increase to 4.0% to 4.5%. Those may be low.

3. When Bubbles burst, shortage becomes surplus overnight. Unsustainable things continue until that unpredictable moment when they stop. In a financial crisis “Cash is King”. Get prepared.

A great piece of land remains The Best investment long term unless the DMs get us to full-fledged Marxism. Capitalism builds wealth, Marxism/Socialism consumes it in self destruction. Pray for a return to honest elections in the USA. God is in control. Men make plans, but God ALWAYS wins.

“Conduct yourselves honorably among the Gentiles, so that, though they malign you as evildoers, they may see your honorable deeds and glorify God when he comes to judge.”

(1 Peter 2:12) New Revised Standard Version, Oxford University Press)

Stay healthy,

Ned

May 12, 2021

Copyright Massie Land Network. All rights Reserved.

[rumongray]

Eh.

As of late, that’s been...how I’ve been describing how I’ve been feeling. “Eh.”

I’m going to be up front here, I...haven’t been feeling well, emotionally, in the last few months. I’ve been obfuscating it in different ways. Being “active” when my “activity” was a hollow front. Smiling at things because I knew it made others happy, made them believe I meant it. I suppose I could chalk that up to tact, and good social graces, but the point of this is to be...honest.

Before I start, before people worry, a few things.

--I’m doing okay financially, not in a bad way or anything. --I’m not in any serious danger of any sort. --I’m physically, logically okay.

Where I’m at...let’s call it Death by a Thousand Cuts.

The purpose of writing this all out, admitting it, is to see it in writing for myself, while also explaining myself to you guys. Again, to be honest.

I have some serious insecurities that I wish I didn’t have. I’ve mentioned these things before, these...holes in that wall that keep the water from rushing in. Fear of abandonment, fear of being...ignored, fear of being boring... Fear of ostracization, which takes its form in many ways. I know that like...99.9% of the events that cause this kind of hurt...cause those holes in the wall to crack even more, are either unintentional, or just plain non-existent because of me overthinking things. Another problem of mine.

So over the last few months, whether they knew it or not, people were setting their chisels against the wall, and sometimes they caused more cracks, or sometimes they created new breaches entirely. That cold water seeped in, and before I knew it...I was in over my head.

I hit a pretty dark moment. I’ll get to that in a bit.

So what where these events? A number of things. I’ve pretty much transitioned from Discord to Telegram. I’m still on Discord, just...don’t talk much there I suppose.

And on Telegram, I joined a number of awesome groups of people with similar interests. Furry stuff, local communities and the like, a great chat for Scalies, it’s overall been a pretty positive experience. I met some amazing new friends on there!

But then there are days when it just...I dunno how to explain. I like to think of these groups as big...parties. And sometimes people will all be hanging out, chatting, and I’ll try to speak up, or ask something, or poke someone to say hi, and get...no response. And the thing is, I’ll try again, and again and again, and get no response...and it’s after like...9 tries that I start to wonder if I’m invisible or something. I’m not talking like “whoops it got lost in the scrolling,” I mean when I try many...MANY times. To the point where it seems like something is truly wrong.

...I also want to interject here and also admit that this part here? This bit of admission? I also feel so goddamn stupid for feeling it the way I do, because logically, I know there are simple answers to it, but my brain’s a goddamn idiot and wants shit to have a deeper meaning or some shit like that.

So yeah. My mood around these groups seemed to bounce up and down. One day I’m happy, chatting with friends, being all chipper and excited and hype! The next I’m just...down, and people are just chatting on, going on without me, and it just...ugh. It bugged the shit out of me. That constant climb and fall...I almost think it takes more of a toll on a person than staying in the middle. It’s like taking really deep breaths, in order to breathe it all out as hard as you can, then taking another deep breath in. It leads to hyperventilation, it fucks up your circulation and rhythm.

Then we have work, which...yeah.

At a point, I was working pretty much overtime every week. Get this...I trained -THREE- people how to close the store in my specific position. Three.

Then a week later, all three of them went to the management. “Uh...we can’t close, we have school.”

All of them. They all individually did this.

...

So I was doing overtime, closing every single day. Great for my wallet! ...not so much my free time or sanity. If you ever wondered “how could Ken stay at that job for so long?!”

Well the answer was job security. I have my own apartment, after all, which to some might not be much, but to others it might be the whole world. So I put up with the exceptionally rude and thoughtless customers, the management that doesn’t seem like it entirely gives a shit...among other things. I put up with it because I -can- endure it, for the most part, and it keeps a roof over my head.

On top of that were the ever-present nagging little fears, worries, and doubts. I’m 35 and work at a goddamn restaurant with no real career experience in anything more worthwhile, no college degree, nothing. I’m pushing toward 40 with a minimal amount of sexual experiences that I just recently started feeling a deep sense of regret and loss for.

And fuck...I’ll just admit it, I’m fuckin’ lonely. I miss so many things from the previous years. Voice chatting with people while Tomis makes funny doodles from the conversation, or talking about things with Sinquest and getting pumped up to work on stuff in that world! Everything just...fractured, and I feel like sometimes I watched all the pieces fall apart while I stood there, stunned.

So...between that and my limited free time spent on emotionally hyperventilating, I suppose it was only a matter of time before something broke the walls down. And like a lot of these sorts of things, it was something completely stupid.

A local group of furs that I’ve become a part of, they decided to all have a meetup out at a restaurant. But thing is, these things happen quite often, but they’re usually nothing too special or big. For some reason, this day, -everybody- decided to go. ...I found out about it about...five minutes before it started. I asked for a ride of some kind, got no response or “well we’re kinda already here” and the like. And it just...fucked me up. I just don’t know what it was, I think it was the idea of people not wanting to spend five minutes for a pickup, or just...I dunno. I found out later that even -more- of my friends went, friends who weren’t actually in the group, but were invited through PM’s and that kinda sealed the deal for me.

So i went to a dark place. I just kinda crawled into bed and sat there. I lay there for the entire day off that I had. I just glanced at my phone, bitter and angry, and at the same time guilty and ashamed at being bitter and angry at something that was innocuous and benign. Something that wasn’t “worth” being angry at, but there I was all the same. I felt like my chest was made of iron, weighing me down.

I started having thoughts like “...why do I bother getting out of bed at all? Why the fuck do I go to work? Why the fuck to I pay bills? What the fuck do I get from all this bullshit?“

It took me a couple of days to realize that it was the closest thing to a suicidal thought that I’d had since...well...maybe I’ll tell that story someday.

So I’d hit a sort of “bottom” I suppose. I was already headed there, honestly. I could see the signs before that day was even a blip on the radar. I had fallen off of my workout routine. I almost stopped playing games, I started losing interest in things that weren’t streams or Youtube. Not just for a couple of days, but every SINGLE day. Writing? Pfft, nope. Couldn’t force it if I tried.

“...Eh.”

My motivation was shot. It still is, but it’s clearly gotten at least better, since I’m taking the time to write all this out.

So why didn’t I really say anything sooner?

The answer is pretty simple: I was bitter. Very bitter. The kind of bitterness that taints the world around you, gives everything a...change in its color. I -knew- how I would react to the responses to this back then. I would smile a little, but then I’d start having those “they’re only saying it out of pity,” or some such nonsense. Ugly, sick feelings that weren’t true at all, but my perception would color them in such a way. It would be ugly and downright sinister.

And none of you deserve that. So I decided to hide it until I got to a place where I was comfortable in sharing.

Today.

Today I’m a little better, yes, but I’m nowhere near out of the woods. I managed to finally surface for a breath, and now I have to try to find the ways to solve the problem, to overcome and start getting back to treading water. To start putting that wall back up and make it stronger, somehow.

I had all these things I wanted to work on and get finished before the end of the year, but I don’t think they’ll be completed by then. I think the month of December will have to be for recovery and recuperation, loathe as I am to admit it. I hate feeling lazy, but I think it’s what I need to do right now. Honestly I think it would be for the best.

But to close this out, I want to focus on some of the positive things that occurred to me, or happened over the last few months.

--After sharing some of my writing with these groups I previously mentioned? I’ve had three separate people asking me if I took commissions. This meant the goddamn world to me, because as much as I’ve been wanting to open myself up to the idea, I’ve also had those nagging doubts that it wouldn’t be very...lucrative and that I wouldn’t get many takers.

--I met some amazing new friends through these groups, who have done some incredibly nice things for me. From Mero actually adding me to a commission of his for my birthday (HERE! :D), To Senjin-Seadog for showing me their writing, private or not. My friend Gyro wanting to hang out and we end up playing almost all of Super Mario Odyssey in one night, giggling. My buddy Eric coming over so we can watch The Room. (Oh Tommy Wiseau, you brought so much unintentional joy, ha-ha-ha) And on top of that, all the amazing people I’ve had heart-to-heart chats with over the last few months,

--Managed to have a chance to sit down with my restaurant manager about problems i’ve noticed, and holy shit he actually listened to me about a lot of them, and I’ve seen some serious improvements.

--I’m doing decently well as far as finances goes. Because of all that overtime, my bank account is a little bit padded, even after that recent money scare I had with my dad accidentally taking money of my account. (Paid back now thankfully.) On top of that, I was able to get approved for state food benefits again, which is another bit of help that I needed, which was taken away from me for stupid reasons.

--I’m slowly getting interest back in things that I previously mentioned that I had lost. I’m still not back on my workout routine, but I’m crawling back, little by little each day, and I’m sure I’ll get back there in time.

--I truly do believe that I’m very slowly getting better.

--I have amazing friends.

So where do I go from here? Well for starters, I’ve been writing a daily (private) journal of the day’s experiences, how they made me feel, and I’m trying to dissect why they make me feel that way. I’m making a more concerted effort to temper my emotions with logic, so that my mind doesn’t start immediately looking toward the dark corners.

I’ve also put the things I want to do into a list, both on my desktop as a text file and as a handwritten list, to cement these things, make them tangible in a way, in order to try to kick-start my motivation back into gear.

I’m also learning to forgive myself if I don’t do something in a particular day. Like I said, I’m taking this month to recuperate, there’s no sense in blaming myself for being “lazy,” as that would just be shooting myself in the foot.

Whew.

This went on exceptionally long, sorry about that. If you made it this far, I appreciate it, and know that I love you, and all of my friends dearly. I don’t have anything else to really add I suppose. That heavy feeling is still in my chest, I still feel like I’m under the waves, and that I’m still recovering from my emotional hyperventilation. I’m still...”eh.”

But hopefully that will get better.

Thank you for your support. Take care of yourselves.

--Lizard Dad

[entergamingxp]

Pro Cycling Manager 2020 – The Waiting Game

June 4, 2020 11:00 AM EST

How far will one man go to manage the male, digital version of his wife to Tour de France glory in Pro Cycling Manager 2020?

Before we begin, it’s important to make clear that I do not care about nor understand professional cycling. I have, quite literally, never watched a race in my life and am the last person you should be coming to if you’re looking for a review for Pro Cycling Manager 2020. Or any cycling game, for that matter.

However, my wife watches the Tour de France every year with her dad and they take part in local races relatively often. She’s also bad-to-mediocre at video games. She’ll dispute that, but it’s a fact. And so, I decided to put our two brains together and see if we could somehow win the virtual Tour de France. Going in, I felt I had some idea of what was going to happen. I’ve played quite a bit of games like Football Manager and Total Extreme Wrestling. My management experience mixed with my wife’s knowledge was sure to be a winning combo.

At least, that’s what I hoped.

So, this isn’t a review of Pro Cycling Manager 2020. This is one man’s journey to create the male version of his wife and lead her to virtual glory in the greatest cycling race known to man.

Season 1 – What Have I Gotten Myself Into

The first thing I’m greeted with is choosing what type of racer we’ll be building. Honestly, I was hoping for something a little more granular. We were totally planning to go out to the local park and time her cycling to give our racer the most accurate starting stats possible. Heck, my wife even did something she calls “math” to figure out how tall the racer should be in comparison to her. It looked like wizardry to me, but she’s a computer engineer, so I assume she knows what she’s doing.

Anyway, Amos Frech was quickly created as the world’s next great “Stage Racer.” I don’t know what that means, but it sounded better than “Northern Classic” or whatever “Baroudeur” is. Frankly, it seemed like it would only be a matter of time before we could join my wife’s favorite team, Team INEOS. I’m told that’s “where the good ones are from.”

In our first few races, I immediately started to realize I might’ve bitten off more than I can chew. In games like Football Manager, you don’t directly control the on-field action. Instead, you’re setting up tactics and choosing the players to execute on your plans. Maybe the team mode on Pro Cycling Manager is more like this, but in the Pro Cyclist mode, you’re in complete control.

With zero understanding of how the sport works or what any of the terms mean, this feels like one of those nightmares where you wake up in your old high school and are about to have a test that you didn’t study for. And, for some reason, you’re naked.

In our first race, I see an option for something called infinite relay. As far as I know, this could mean your racer hops off the bike to have a cup of tea or he instantly wins the race. It could mean anything and I would believe you. That said, it is, by far, the coolest-sounding option, so, being an idiot who loves action, this becomes my go-to maneuver.

It seems to work decently well. I mean, we’re not winning any races, but we aren’t in last either. Slowly, I start to get objectives in races. Most of these tell me to “get in a breakaway for 100 km.” I read this as “be in first place for two-thirds of the race.” At our current skill level, that’s impossible, so I just ignore them.

By some miracle, I’m able to win a few races during the season. But the most notable thing to happen is seeing a cyclist get ran over by a pacer car. Most of the time you just phase through them and all the other cyclists. However, in one race, he just blows right through him and I get a notification that the racer has “withdrawn.” But we all know they left out “from this mortal coil” at the end of that notification.

We end the first season in one of, what I assume is, the bigger races in our division. I assume this because members of Team INEOS are here. My wife’s favorite dude Chris Froome is, unsurprisingly, not one of them. However, I go for a good showing in the hopes that these men will tell their senpai tales of Amos Frech’s dominance and get us a spot on the team.

Amos gets 31st and we’re on to season two.

Season 2 – Lesson From The Past

Heading into season two, I start to think about how my dad must have felt when he realized he had a soccer-playing child. My old man had probably never even seen a soccer ball before randomly signing me up for the U4 league. However, he quickly realized that his abnormally tall three-year-old was going to be half-decent at this weird British sport.

Much like three-year-old me, Amos is unquestionably skilled. He is one of the best in the world already at climbing mountains and whatever “prologue” is. However, I don’t understand the strategy of the game and cannot consistently guide him to victory.

Well, just like my dad once picked up a book on how to play soccer, I too will pursue knowledge. And so, I do the modern-day equivalent of reading and watch some YouTube tutorials. I know now what a breakaway is and somewhat understand how to correctly set myself up for success in races. It’s time to finally turn that corner and become the racer we’re meant to be.

However, there’s a problem. See, as I mentioned above, Pro Cycling Manager isn’t a “set it and forget it” kind of game. If Football Manager is the Easy-Bake Oven style of management sims, Pro Cycling Manager is more like working in a high-class restaurant that requires everything to be perfect.

Except, in this analogy, nobody comes to your restaurant. So, on your eight-hour shift, you’re maybe doing ten minutes of actual work. The rest of the time you’re just fiddling with your cell phone, watching the world burn on Twitter. While that ten minutes of actual cooking is pure bliss, the rest of the time is something between boring and distressing because you’re realizing you could be doing something much better with your time.

Pro Cycling Manager requires you to watch entire races where you don’t really have to do anything until the last 20 kilometers of a race. Sure, you can speed it up, but it’s still mostly boring. And even when you’re outside of the races, you’re just staring at the screen watching all the other races sim.

Honestly, Steam says I’ve played Pro Cycling Manager for roughly 40 hours now, but realistically, I’ve probably only “played” the game for four or five of those hours. For the most part, I’m just sitting around waiting to do something.

At this point, it’s not a question of “can Amos win the Tour de France?” It’s a question of “can I mentally stay engaged long enough?” Amos’ body is willing, but my brain? Not so much.

So, sure, Amos pulls out all the stops and wins three smaller tours in his second season. He even moves up into the next division and joins a more prestigious team. I just don’t know if I’ll be able to see out the final victory.

Season 3 – The One That Breaks Me

I tried everybody. I really did. There’s just only so much sitting and staring at men riding bicycles at hyper-speed that one man can take. Sure, Amos is quickly moving toward a spot in the Tour de France, but this third season has broken down my will to continue. What started as a fun lark has become borderline soul-crushing. It’s just so much waiting.

To be clear, I’m not saying Pro Cycling Manager 2020 is bad. If you like cycling and want to play a management sim, this is probably the best way to do that. Granted, I’m far from an expert, so what do I know?

It’s also worth noting again that I only played the Pro Cyclist mode. In that mode, you don’t have complete control of your team. Meaning it was very difficult to set up sprint trains (see, I learned something!) at the end of races. It also meant that there was no way for me to use my other cyclists to pick up points in other ways besides winning races. So, playing in that mode could easily mitigate my boredom. I’ll just never know if that’s the case.

So, no, Amos Frech will never become the best cyclist in the world. And yes, I can’t remember playing a more consistently boring game than Pro Cycling Manager 2020. However, until it just got to be too much, I’ve never had so much fun playing something so tedious. If that’s not a ringing endorsement from someone who literally couldn’t care less about cycling, then I don’t know what is.

June 4, 2020 11:00 AM EST

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/06/pro-cycling-manager-2020-the-waiting-game/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=pro-cycling-manager-2020-the-waiting-game

[gaiatheorist]

Rubbish.

I’m shaking my head at Facebook again. About six months ago, I applied for a vacancy with the local council’s bin-police department.  I’m sort-of relieved I didn’t get the job, because the person who did will be responsible for replying to the 500+ comments on Facebook, without calling anyone a moron.

Proposed changes to the collection schedule, and ill-informed, ranty Facebook is on fine, if slightly illiterate form. (Procedural point, they’re going to have to send out a flyer, or make a press-release, unless they’re hoping that the outrage makes it onto the local TV news, and reaches people-without-internet that way.) I’m old enough to remember when there was one bin. Everything went in the one bin, which was collected weekly. The bin-men used to come into the garden and take the bin. (They sometimes didn’t latch the gate properly, and we had no Facebook to report escaped dogs, just a lot of dressing-gown clad housewives bellowing “Scooby!” on bin-day.) 

Over time, I can’t remember when it happened, (1993 or 1994, I can remember, how much room would there be in my head for important stuff if I didn’t store useless stuff?) the metal bins were replaced by plastic ones, and then by the FORTNIGHTLY COLLECTED wheelie-bins. Uproar, absolute uproar, panic that we’d all end up with rats, and the plague, and foxes because the waste would be sitting twice as long before collection. In bins with a larger capacity, and fixed lids, no more chasing your bin-lid down the road on windy days. People became accustomed to the changed capacity, you only really had over-spill if you missed the collection, and everything still went in the one bin.

Some time between 1998 and 2003 the bin-game changed again, I can’t narrow it down any further due to my hazy post-natal depression period, after 2001, I think, because I sometimes had to move obstructive bins or crates to fit my son’s car-seat in my aunt’s car for a lift to play-group, it would have been easier to walk. As well as the ‘general waste’ grey bin, there was now a green bin, a blue crate, and a blue bag, and there were rules about what could go in each receptacle. Chaos. After lifetimes of just lobbing everything in general waste, and not thinking about the fact that it all ended up in landfill, we now had a responsibility to sort our own waste.

Green bin- ‘garden waste’, I’m not sure where the person who designed the capacity for the green bin lived, but they must have had a much bigger garden than most of us, the green bin is the same size as the ‘general waste’ bin. Grass-trimmings, weeds, twigs (but not branches), leaves, some kitchen waste (but not all), and, originally, cardboard. (but not pizza-boxes.) 

Blue crate- cans, jars, and bottles, but not broken glass, all should be empty and rinsed, with labels removed, but nobody could be arsed with that after a while.

Blue bag- newspapers, and any non-glossy paper, with the recommendation that any identifiable documentation was shredded. Over time, ‘thin’ cardboard was acceptable, but, by that time, pretty much everyone’s blue bag had blown away in the wind. Blue bags became the new bin-lids, or Pokemon, people with blue bags wrote their name and house number on them, wars were started over less. 

Grey bin- anything that wouldn’t be allowed in the other three, and the lid must be closed, or the bin-men could refuse to empty it. They could also refuse to empty it if there was anything visible in it that should be in the other three. There was a period of genuine bin-fear when the first few warning stickers were slapped on bins for having visible contraband, then people just made sure that, if they were binning anything dodgy, they buried it further down the bin. 

Easy enough, right? Alternate weeks for recycling and general waste became the new normal, then the cardboard wasn’t allowed in the green bin, and the green bin wouldn’t be collected over winter. Uproar, because some people generate more cardboard boxes in December. Some bright spark in waste management decided that cardboard should be folded flat, and cut to some arbitrary size, and placed either in the blue bag, or, if the blue bag had blown away, underneath the blue crate. Cardboard all over the street. 

The only genuine objection I can see, in the 500+ comments on the new proposed changes is that my locality doesn’t recycle plastic, there’s a line in the statement that says the plastic will be separated out at their end, but that residents should continue to put plastic in general waste. People are kicking up a fuss because the bins are going to be different, and they’re going to have ANOTHER bin to park somewhere. Here’s a suggestion, park it wherever you used to park your blue crate, because that’s what it’s replacing, it’s not rocket science.

Under the proposed scheme, the existing grey bin becomes the cans/bottle bin, and is collected monthly. The grey bin has a 240l capacity, no more too-heavy-to-lift blue crate, and no more having to crush cans after parties. The existing green bin becomes the paper and card recycling, but probably not in time for my useless neighbours to figure out that you can slide the plastic tray out of selection boxes, instead of just trying to steal my bin. The NEW general waste bin will be smaller, 180l instead of 240l, but still collected fortnightly. There’s an optional 240l garden waste bin, at an additional cost of £40 per year, for fortnightly collection. Call me cynical, but anyone with a garden big enough to generate 240l of waste in a fortnight can probably afford the extra £40.

Stompy Facebook haven’t read the original post properly, it’s a proposal, and not yet finalised. There’s a ‘Tell us what you think’ link, but, Facebook being Facebook, some people are using the ‘comments’ feature to air their opinions. (One of them has done that weird thing of putting a full-stop between each word, rather than a space, by the time my eyes had adjusted to that, I still couldn’t make sense of what she was saying.)  

People are complaining that they don’t have space for another bin. I’m guessing that the smaller general waste bin will have a similar ‘footprint’ to the blue crate that’s being phased out.

People are complaining that they shouldn’t have to pay extra for garden-waste collection. They don’t have to, it’s optional, if they don’t want to pay it, they can take their own garden waste to the tip, you only have to pay for that if you’re using a van or trailer.

People with large families are complaining that they use a lot of plastic bottles, for milk, and other drinks, there’s nothing in the source-article about additional bins for over-occupancy. Those people need to contact waste management, not tell Facebook how many litres of milk they use a week. Based on my observation of my two neighbour’s bin-habits, I have an issue with that ‘argument.’ Both households have two adults and two children, and both regularly over-fill their general waste bins. With air. They put the lids back on milk cartons, and pop-bottles before they throw them away. 

Now, I’m not advocating what my ex used to do whenever he remembered that rubbish went ‘in’ the bin, and not ‘near’ it. Rather than actually empty the kitchen bin when it was full, he’d crush the contents, so he could fit more in. Until the bag split. I’m not entirely sure he knew there was a bin in the bathroom at all, he’d throw plastic cotton-buds he’d used to clean his ears with into the toilet, throw empty toilet-roll cardboard tubes to the dog, to ‘shred’ all over the house, and empty shower-gel, toothpaste, shampoo and conditioner containers were left wherever he’d emptied them, for the pixies to clean up. I married an idiot.

It’s not the milk-or-pop bottles that take up the space in the bin, it’s the air inside them.  

[plusorminuscongress]

New story in Politics from Time: 2020 Snapshot: New Hampshire, Seven Months Out

It was a typical summer Friday night. Beer and cocktails flowing freely under a temporary tent. Guests grazing on a buffet of watermelon and mixed greens, corn and sliders. People complaining about their idiot bosses. And because it was New Hampshire in the early days of a presidential primary season, there were young staffers cajoling passers-by into supporting their preferred candidate.

Organizers with the New Hampshire Young Democrats had sold 400 tickets at $25 apiece for the evening of politics and pints at a local brewery in Portsmouth, N.H. There were sign-up sheets to volunteer and codes to text to receive New Hampshire-specific updates from the candidates. Many of those milling around wore stickers slapped on their gingham shirts or tees emblazoned with their candidates’ slogans.

But what emerged from all the activity was an approximation of the state of play here in the state that will host the lead-off primary in a little over six months’ time. “It feels really early,” said state Rep. Matt Wilhelm, who represents downtown Manchester and is backing South Bend, Ind., Mayor Pete Buttigieg. “But we are all here because we all want to beat Donald Trump.”

Trump’s election has boosted Democrats here as it has across the country. Membership in the New Hampshire Young Democrats grew from hundreds to more than 7,000 since November 2016. Democrats in New Hampshire picked up 67 seats in the state House last year and another four in the state Senate, giving the party control of the state Legislature. Many of those young activists now have plugged into the quickly growing campaign machines springing up in New Hampshire and competing for resumes. With some two-dozen serious candidates, it’s a tough fight for staff talent.

Most activists, regardless of their candidate, say that Sen. Elizabeth Warren has the largest and most formidable political footprint in New Hampshire. Her campaign isn’t publicly commenting on their numbers, but her rivals speak with admiration about what she has built, despite polling that has seemed stuck in the single-digits. Last week, the Massachusetts senator staged an 800-person showing in 6,300-person Peterborough, N.H., while her campaign fundraising suggests she remains formidable and CBS News’ polling model for delegates gives Warren backers plenty of reason to be optimistic.

Warren for years has collaborated with her neighboring state’s Democratic Party, laying the groundwork to tap into activists. Many members of her inner-circle worked in recent years for New Hampshire candidates, and she can now turn their experiences to her ambitions in 2020. For instance, the operative leading Warren’s efforts in New Hampshire served as Hillary Clinton’s political director for New Hampshire in 2016 and then became a special assistant to Sen. Jeanne Shaheen of New Hampshire.

Polling leader and former Vice President Joe Biden is widely seen as having the third-largest organization in New Hampshire. Aides say Biden has just under 40 people, slightly behind the 45 that Sen. Bernie Sanders of Vermont claims. Sanders’ standing, though, seems firmly parked in second place in the state and he’s done little to patch up his feuds with local Establishment-minded Democrats. For instance, his campaign registered for the Merrimack July 4 parade as an independent so he didn’t get lumped in with the other Democratic campaigns.

There remains an uneasy sense among even Biden’s supporters that his polling advantage may be working against him. “He’s got a giant target on him now,” says one unaffiliated Democratic strategist in New Hampshire.

Biden, himself, gets it.

“The good news about being the front runner is you’re the front runner. The bad news about being the front runner is that everyone is behind you,” Biden told guests at a campaign stop during a stop in Dover, N.H., on Friday. “The last thing we need — to use Barack’s phrase — is to form a circular firing squad.”

It is still anyone’s game in New Hampshire. Hours before Biden spoke to about 200 people in Dover, Buttigieg turned out 841 people. In polls, Biden has a 3-to-1 advantage.

“People here have seen and heard Biden before,” said Andy Smith, a political scientist and pollster at the University of New Hampshire. “The others are new and New Hampshire voters take their role seriously.”

But momentum counts. Sen. Kamala Harris was on the receiving end of serious questions about whether she would write-off New Hampshire in favor of more diverse states like South Carolina, Texas and her home state of California. Then, she attracted a 1,500-person crowd during a snowstorm in Portsmouth, N.H. in February —widely accepted as the largest single event of the cycle in New Hampshire so far.

Harris has about 30 hands on the ground in New Hampshire, now including a top aide who last year ran the gubernatorial campaign of the Democratic nominee. Last week, Harris announced an endorsement from a former state party chairman. And on Sunday, she was in Gilford, N.H., at a house party hosted by former state Rep. Lisa DiMartino and so large it had to move to the backyard. It’s a typical model and one that may pay dividends if her post-debate buzz is sustained.

Still, it’s too early to write off the lesser-polling candidates. After a slow start, former Rep. Beto O’Rourke of Texas is ramping up a machine in the state, led by an aide who previously ran state operations for Sen. Maggie Hassan. Sen. Cory Booker of New Jersey has a five-year veteran of New Hampshire politics running his Granite State campaign, which spent the weekend taking an RV tour of the state and knocking doors for Manchester Mayor Joyce Craig, who faces re-election this fall. Rep. Tim Ryan, an Ohioan who went to law school in New Hampshire, has the backing of three of Manchester’s 14 aldermen.

“Hillary [Clinton] was up over us by double-digits right up until the week of the primary in 2008,” said one former Obama aide who is neutral in the race so far. “She ended up beating us by under 3 [points]. New Hampshire voters aren’t going to decide until the last possible minute. The only thing you can do is to build a campaign in case lightning strikes late.”

To varying degrees of success, that seems to be the playbook the 2020 contenders are following. But the pre-season summer of New Hampshire organizing can be a grueling test. Gone is the excitement of the first weeks of campaigning, and still long away are the final weeks’ urgency. That’s why New Hampshire Democrats are anticipating a ramped-up schedule of visits from the candidates in the coming weeks. The political machines don’t just happen overnight.

By Philip Elliott / Portsmouth, N.H. on July 14, 2019 at 09:44PM