#(like they're fucked i just need to know how much)

[goldsbitch]

Blink Once

Lando thought taking care of his twin daughters would be the hard part. Turns out, he can manage. Now, figuring out which one is which - that's a whole different story.

2k word count warning: none - domestic, fluff, fun

The room is in a state one could describe as a battlefield. Tiny clothes, diapers, creams, powders and God knows what scattered everywhere. There is also an intense stare down happening between the two pairs of blue eyes and one set of greenish. The latter belong to Lando, the former to his dearest offspring. The most adorable duo of little girls that he had ever seen. Every since they were born, he's been getting random streaks of immense pride throughout the day. That is until now, when he is staring at the two little grinning demons, holding a green sock in one hand a purple one in the other. Normally, he'd be overjoyed that he had managed to keep the two happy and not crying for so long. Y/N has gone out to much needed and postponed catch up with another adult, that's not Lando or anyone they're related to. It was his first time alone with the kids. He needed to prove it to her, and himself, that he can do it.

One of their daughters was expected, the other one was a happy surprise. To say taking care of two, instead of one, was a challenge for the new parents would be an understatement. Sleep deprived Lando was begging silently for his daughters to give him at least a clue to solving his latest fuck up. Identical twins. Y/N was so terrified of mixing them up, that the color designated socks and clothes were established right from the beginning. Olivia has green, Maya purple. Right?

He sighs dramatically, standing in the middle of the nursery and trying to recall which one had which pairs of socks on.

"Oh, how great of you that you can sit on your own now," he proclaims to the two, who keep beaming back at him, blabbering and apparently finding this very amusing. "If you could just magically learn how to talk now and tell me which one is which, that would be a-mazing!"

Nothing. Obviously. They have a long way to go to be able to do that. He tries to retrace his steps one more time. He put one on the changing dresser, that must have been the one with the green socks and went on to grab the other one to put her -on the left? Or was it right? He curses himself in creative swear words for taking the socks off so mindlessly.

It might be humiliating, but Lando is self-aware enough to have somewhat expected something like this to happen. He checks the shared note he and Y/N have. Ok - so it's right, Olivia is green and Maya purple. Great. Now which one is which?

He decides to sit them down in the living room - most likely mixing them once again, but what difference does that make now, he thinks.

He holds the two socks in front of their faces. This works with dogs, it must work with children too. He tries to brush over the fact he just compared his heirs to an animal.

"So, which one do you like better? Hm? You must have developed some sort of notion of which colour is yours at this point, right?" he speaks is sarcastic baby voice as the girls keep on laughing. Lando frowns. "This is not some sort of game, ladies. For all I know this might be the grounds for a divorce and your villain origin story." Nothing. No reaction to the socks, they just keep looking at him. Adorably.

He starts to properly panic now. Calls himself a shit parent, immature dad and just plain stupid idiot. Y/N is gonna kill him. He has to fix it somehow.

He tries different approach. "Olivia? Olivia, is it you? Blink twice if you’re Olivia. I’ll settle for a burp!" he speaks to the one on the left. It's like this child has stopped needing to blink completely. "So you're Maya?" he asks and figures the response of her hand reaching up must be enough to confirm her identity. He turns to the daughter on the right. "So, you're Olivia? Does that sound familiar?"

He is going to explain this to them one day, it's going to be a very funny story of how their father fucked up their whole life. Mixed them up so much that they end up becoming drug addicts. Oh, God. He is truly spiraling. Were they born with a destiny he’s now sabotaging by switching them? Or not switching them?

"Okay, Team Chaos. Maya, blink once. Or just scream, because that’s your go-to answer for everything anyway." He watches them intently and finally sees a blink! And immediately another one from the other child. He groans and puts his head in his hands. After a moment spent in a pit of despair, he comes back to reality with new found determination. He is a father, their father. His instincts must work. He picks one up and in the air and examines her intently. Turning her left, right and upside down. And then the second one. He's got nothing. These kids are point to point exact copies of each other.

As a typical young parent, he turns to internet for help. And as per usual, he finds zero reliable advice to go with. No - there is no secret birthmark on one of them. No, they both have identical eye color. No, there is no difference in their teeth. In amidst of all of this, he panic buys a fingerprint kit and full on plans on preventing this from happening in the future.

He comes back to stare at his kids, who are uncharacteriscally quiet, calm and content. As if they know that for the first time in weeks, he does not need their help to achieve chaos in his mind.

He calls the one person who is smart, won't probably laugh too much in his face, won't tell Y/N on him and might understand his parent panic.

Max Verstappen picks up after third dial.

"Lando!" he greets him cheerfully. At least someone is having a good time. "What's up? How's the new parent life looking out for you?"

Lando gets to the point straight. He is after all running out of time. "I've mixed up the twins. Don't laugh. I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean, you’ve ‘mixed up’ the twins?" the Dutchman asks.

Lando rolls his eyes, how does one not understand the simple premise. "I mean, I was changing their diapers, I took their socks off, and now I don’t know which one is Olivia and which one is Maya. I’ve stared at them for an hour, and they’re just...Point to point the same."

Max bursts out laughing on the other end of the line, a loud, unfiltered laugh that makes Lando cringe. He waits for the inevitable to end and lets him speaks first.

"So I assume you're alone with them? Is Y/N out of the house?" Why is that important, Lando does not understand.

"Yes. I’m serious, Max! They’re identical. Identical! It’s like trying to tell apart two...marshmallows. Two tiny, giggling, adorable and judgmental marshmallows who know I’m losing it and find it hilarious."

It seems that Max is finally somewhat on board with the seriousness of it all. "Right. So what’s the plan? Are you just gonna call them ‘Baby One’ and ‘Baby Two’ until Y/N gets home?"

Lando pinches the top of his nose in frustration. "Max, I need to solve this. If I don’t figure this out, Y/N will kill me. She was already paranoid about this happening, and now I’ve gone and done it. I mean, what if I ruin their entire lives, Max? What if they grow up thinking they’re each other-"

Max is solution oriented. So he jumps into interrupting the young father, because he might have just got on forever.

"Okay, okay, calm down. Let’s think this through. Did you check for a birthmark? Sometimes one of them will have a birthmark or something small that’s different."

Lando groans loudly. "No birthmark, no physical difference, Max, my kids look identical and I can't recognize them apart at all!"

"Hm," he stops to think, Lando stops to think and hopefully the whole world stops for a moment so he can fix his cardinal mistake. "What about… I don’t know, their personalities? Isn’t one supposed to be louder than the other?"

Lando appreciates the idea, first good one. Sadly, not a helpful one. He keeps staring at menace his children are. "They’re both loud. And they both cry at the exact same time, like they’ve rehearsed it. I think they’re doing this on purpose to mess with me."

"At least you can be sure you're the father," Max rhetors and laughs again.

"Not funny," Lando gritts his teeth.

"Well, I’d mess with you too if you were my dad."

"MAX."

"Okay, fine, fine. Why don’t you just pick one, call her Olivia, and call the other one Maya, and just stick with it? What’s the worst that could happen?" he tries to calm Lando, but it backfires masivelly.

Lando is now pissed at Max as well. The guy has kids far apart in age to obviously not understand the gravity of the situation. And he's more that willing to make him understand. "The worst? The worst! I’ll tell you the worst. What if they figure it out when they’re older and I’ve been calling Olivia ‘Maya’ for years? What if Maya’s like, ‘Wow, Dad, you didn’t even know who I was?’ And Olivia’s like, ‘I always knew I was the favorite.’ And then they hate me forever and end up in therapy, and the therapist is like, ‘Your father was a moron who couldn’t even tell you apart."

"That… sounds like a lot of "future you" problems."

Lando start to pray silently to all the gods he's aware of. "Future seems pretty damn close, given Y/N probably comes home any minute now."

And that's when he hears the door open. Fuck.

"Just wait when they're teenagers and start switching on purpose," is the last he hears from Max before hanging up indefinitely. Lando freezes, the phone slipping from his hand and landing on the carpet with a soft thud. His eyes dart between the door and the two grinning culprits, who have now decided to crawl toward each other and share in their apparent victory. He whispers under his breath, “Traitors. Both of you.”

He gets up automatically, the plan now being wooving Y/N, the mother of his devil children, out by his adorableness. It worked when he was trying to get to agree to go on a first date with him, it has to work now. He wonders into the kitchen, where he sees her putting some box of pastries onto the counter.

"Hello, my love," he attacks and immediately steps all over to her personal space. Hand on her cheek, the other one on her hips and he locks them in a kiss. He's not fully certain it works, but it earns him a pleased smile. Baby steps - no pun intended. "So, what did you do?" He know already, coffee date with a bestie, bla bla bla, but he needs to buy himself some time. She tells him anyway and he is pleased to her happy, for the last time in their lives probably. Oh, what a nice journey this has been. He gets lost in the love-filled thoughts that he temporarily forgets about his predicament.

She kisses him gently one more time and flashes a look into the living room. "Look at them, so happy." Fuck, that was quick. It was foolish of him to rely on the fact Y/N might just forget about their kids. "How’s everything going? Did the girls behave?"

Behave. Right. The girls behaved perfectly. It was him who had descended into chaos.

"Yeah! All good on that front. We're a great team!" he responds, maybe too enthusiastically. He is certain this was the last time she's left him alone with the them, until they're able to identify themselves on their own. It was fun while it lasted. The pit of despair in his stomach is growing.

"It makes me so happy to see you all having fun," she says and it's the kind of relaxed smile he hasn't seen on her face for weeks now.

"Honey, do you wanna take a nap or some alone time in the bedroom?," he asks sincerely, casually tangling their hands together. "Looks like some time off suits you." This is not said as a part of his salvage plan. It is actually really nice to see her rested for once. She looks at him sheepishly.

"You're amazing, you know that?" she whispers, several positive emotions written all over her face.

"Keep focused on that," he says before he can stop himself. Fuck once again. He freezes. She winces, her spidey senses on. He glance is averted to the children now.

"Lando, did something happen?" she asks, suddenly worried.

This time Lando looks over at the girls, who are still preocuppied by themselves. "No, all good. Look at them, all content." And mixed up, he thinks, but does not add that.

Y/N does not look conviced and goes over to check up on them herself. He does not stop her. It was bound to happen anyway.

He's an adult. Knows well enough from his high demanding job that fessing up to a mistake is ultimately better than have someone find out. Deep breath in. Here goes everything.

"I don't know which one is which," he says and lets the reality of it sink in. Y/N looks at him with eyes wide out. He continues. "I was changing their diapers, took the socks of and then forgot which one is which. I'm sorry."

She stares at him, then at the girls and right back at him. To add some gravitas to it all, the kids are now playing with both socks. Lando is pretty sure the blood stopped flowing in his veins. He tries to calculate how long it's going to take him to pack his stuff up. Y/N kneels down to level with the girls and smiles at them. Lando's fighting the urge to take a photo, so that he can remember what having a family felt like. Then she picks up the child sitting on her left.

"Hi, Olivia," he mumbles and puts the sock on accordingly. Lando does not compherend. "Hello, Maya," she continues and repeats her action. Has his wife just decided which one is which and moved on? He could have done that minutes ago! He stays silent as he takes careful steps toward his family. Y/N stands up as well and looks at her disheweled husband.

"Olivia's got little tiny dimples," she says simply to provide some explanation.

"What?" is the only response Lando is capable of giving her. She waits with a sneaky smile as he comes over to them and examines the girls one more time. After a moment, he speaks again. "You're lying."

She laughs and dismisses that. "No, I'm not, look." Lando still can't see a damn difference, but decides on believing Y/N. "How do you-"

She shrugs her shoulders. "I guess it's mom instincts." Lando is stunned at how casual she is about this all. Just like that, she goes back to unloading her back to the kitchen. Lando's heartbeat slowly goes down to the normal a human is suppose to have and turn to watch Y/N. When he's sure that she in fact not being sarcastic, does not seem to be mad at him and confirms that he might just have survived this all and gets to keep access to his family, he walks over her to cherish her once again.

"I'm so sorry, I was really trying to avoid doing that," he apologizes, still not quite done being guilty. "I know you were afraid of this."

She turns to him with a smile. "It was bound to happen eventually. I was really worried about that when we came back from the hospital," she glances at the little girls lovingly. "I'm with them so much that I guess I started to see the tiny, miniscule differences. Don't feel bad not doing so," she walks over to him to be the one doing the comforting.

"If you want me to keep them straight, we’re gonna have to tattoo their names on their foreheads. I’m kidding. Kind of."

She chuckles. "Yeah, do that and you are dead."

He shakes his head. "Always dismissing my genius ideas."

"And always will be, honey," she leans over and kisses him. Just like that, the perfect moment is over. Sounds of crying creeping in from the living room. Y/N sighs into their kiss.

Lando looks at his two identical, mischievous daughters, he can’t help but smile. He may not have a clue what he’s doing, but one thing’s for sure. Life with these two is going to be anything but boring.

"Go lie down, honey. I got this," he notes and this time Y/N nods back at him.

[nerdlvr]

ok but who in dream would be into big boobs cause like I feel like some of them would but I need you to tell me too!!!!🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

i think all men would die for big boobs HOWEVER! there's a ranking..

renjun ,, don't hate me... but ik damn well jun is a titty feen. he loves to grope and suck on your tits 24/7 and will beg you to let him titty fuck you... it's lowkey a mommy kink thing for him hehehe

mark ,, i'm pushing the pervert mark agenda IDC OK! he's the type of mf to watch hentai and shit and try to laugh it off when he gets cuaght which leads me to -> his infatuation with big juicy jugs is borederline and addiction,, will nut just watching you play with your tits

haechan ,, my boy loves some big ol' titties what can i say. he's a messy lover so being able to grab your tits, bite, and suck on that extra meat drives him insane (also part of the titty fucking committee)

jeno ,, my man loves some meat on his girls. say what you want but my big boy needs the WHOLE PACKAGE. he doesn't have a preference for ass or tits, but when his girl has either it drives him insane. automatically will develop a tit play kink if you have big boobs and can't stop thinking about marking you up in every way possible to show you that they're his.

jisung ,, pervert #2. 23 year old with a repressed libido, yeah he has his fair share of porn time (aka goon central). he doesn't have a preference much like jeno (as long as he can fuck) but he can't help but ogle if the girl has huge tits, he will think of them bouncing, jiggling, squeezing them in his face. will jokingly ask to motorboat you but it actually gets him off.

jaemin ,, another one that has no preference but still, by nature, loves tits. he doesn't love your tits cause they're huge, he loves them cause they're part of you. will never forget to worship your breasts and let you know how much he loves them. (secretly super into titty sucking but gets embarrassed to ask).

chenle ,, i feel like chenle's a man that works with what he's got. it's not like he prefers large or small breasts, he just loves tits period. feel like chenle is the type to love ur tits outside of sexual context and will beg you to let his hold up tit in his mouth while he falls asleep or watched tv. if it's a functional boob that's enough for him.

[andhumanslovedstories]

you think often of how nurses should speak and relate to patients, and i highly appreciate knowing you put this kind of thought in and share it with other nurses. but as someone who often occupies the patient position, i'm curious if you have any thoughts on ways for patients to interact with nurses, when we are in decent enough control of our faculties to make choices about that. i would like this knowledge from both an altruistic perspective in recognizing nursing is difficult and not wanting to voluntarily make it difficulter, and a wholly self interested position of knowing nurses who like interacting with me give better care. what helps as a professional and as a person?

I'm surprised how much I had to think about this question. What do I want patients to do? I don't know. A lot of it is basic human decency, some of it is specific to my nursing workflow, but overall I find it complicated saying what patients "should" do. I cut out about 500 words of navel gazing from this post explaining why. Here are answers I've come up, in no order and not of equal importance.

--a lot of it is basic "polite interaction with another person in a professional setting." If you're asking this question, you probably care about treating people well in general. If you wouldn't say it to a barista, would you say it to your nursing tech?

--don't do joke answers to basic orientation questions like "what's your name" and "where are you right now", because it's annoying to have to clarify if you're actually confused or if you're fucking with me. I know they're annoying. Just answer correctly so we can move on.

--have some flexibility and patience. Hospitals have a lot of moving parts, and each person interacting with you has other patients that also need care. My hospital and state has mandated nursing ratios. The maximum amount of patients I've had in one assignment is five. Other hospitals have far less protection, and nurses may have six, eight, twelve other patients. Our respiratory therapists each cover multiple units. One CNA might cover the entire floor. I know if melatonin is the difference between you sleeping or not sleeping, it is very frustrating for someone to bring it late. I just ask you keep in mind that there's dozens of reasons that might happen besides someone ignoring you.

--help us help you. If you can lift your arm up for me to put a blood pressure cuff on, why are you holding your arm completely limp so it's like putting pants on a toddler than doesn't want to get dressed? If you can help roll yourself in bed, help us roll you. If your IV is beeping, hit the call light so someone can come turn it off. If you don't have urgency issues and you can tell you're going to need to go to the bathroom soon, call before it's an emergency. If your IV hurts when I give you medication at 8 pm, tell me then, not when I'm trying to give you your midnight antibiotic and all the evening staff have already gone home.

--if you don't understand how something works in the hospital (what happens when you hit the call light, how often are people going to take your vital signs, why can't I get up and walk around the room), just ask. It's really easy for people who work in a hospital every day to forget other people aren't familiar with it.

--don't treat doctors noticeably better than you treat everyone else.

--pet peeve number one: if I give you pills in a med cup, you can just use the med cup to get the pills to your mouth. You don't need to pour the pills into the palm of your hand and then pop them into your mouth. You're gonna drop the pills, and I'm gonna end up on the floor looking for a tiny tablet of dilaudid.

--bundle requests, especially low-importance ones. If you ask for crackers and you know crackers make you thirsty, just request your drink at the same time. Don't make me walk to your room, the nutrition room, and your room again ten minutes later.

--I don't expect people in the hospital to be pleasant all the time, and I don't take snappiness personally, but I always really appreciate the patients who apologize or even just acknowledge their behavior.

--I love patients who acknowledge my work. I don't need effusive praise or a thousand thank yous. It means a lot for someone to just be like "hey, thanks for your help tonight."

--have patience with repeating yourself. If you've got something important and complicated to convey, practice a quick understandable blurb that takes no brain power from you. There may be something that you've told the staff a dozen times, and it may be documented in your chart, but in the hospital you see many people who have never worked with you before and for whatever reason didn't read that info in your chart. For example, I'm a float pool nurse which means I almost never see the same patients twice. I can get sent to a different unit and a different patient load at literally any time. I can't familiarize myself with complicated documentation or read every nursing note. Especially not for patients I know I will only have for four hours. I know repeating yourself is annoying, I know it sucks to have to explain your bathroom routine or your preferred pain med or when you like to get pills or whatever every shift. And it's great when people make that information very easy to find! But if you just accept the reality you'll be repeating yourself a lot anyway, it makes doing so less frustrating.

--pet peeve number two: don't exaggerate to make a point. This is such a human thing to do, and god knows I catch myself doing it all the time, but you can raise objections in a way that's factually true. I've got a lot of concrete data that people are very often wrong when they say they're been "waiting for hours" after hitting a call light. The computer has a time stamp of the last time I was in your room. I know it was 45 minutes ago. There's a timer by the call light. I know you called twenty minutes ago. And I know it feels much longer when you are waiting for basic cares or pain control or anything pressing. Things can be unacceptable without needing to be exaggerated. When the exaggeration is the base of your complaint, it undercuts your credibility. Honestly I find it really irritating when I spend a disproportionate amount of my shift with one patient only for that patient to tell another staff member that I've been neglecting them. Just say I did a bad job, don't pretend I wasn't there at all.

--don't ask me to pull my mask down so you can see my face. like cmon dude.

--I'm not saying you have to send all your visitors out of the room when I'm there, I'm just saying have some sympathy for how nerve-wracking it can be to do your job while being intensely watched by five other deeply invested people with limited context for your actions.

--this is a nebulous and difficult one. You might have a lot of emotion that you don't know what to do with. What you shouldn't do with it is channel it into every interaction you have with a healthcare worker. If you feel guilty about how you haven't visited your mother in a while and now she's in the hospital, you gotta find ways to deal that don't involve getting extremely passive aggressive at your mother's night nurse.

[nientedal]

For specific ear plugs, Loop earplugs and the Flares Calmer earplugs are some of the best I've found as an AuDHD person. Flares in particular. They take the "edges" off sounds and are so subtle I regularly forget they're changing anything until I take them out, and then the world hits me in the ears and I quickly put them back in, lol. Loops are great for blocking heavy noise, and good for those of us with small or oddly-shaped ear canals. Their unique base shape allows me to turn them in a way that "braces" them against my ear and helps keep them in place. Also, they are the least obtrusive I've found as a side sleeper.

Neither will stay put very well if you're chewing or talking a lot, but that's been true of every earplug I've ever tried. Jostling loosens things, it's simply a fact. I wanted to at least mention it, in case "I need to block sound while chewing" is your need, but for anyone else, please don't let that deter you. They are a little bit pricy for a few grams of silicone that go in your ear, but I fucking love these things. You may be able to find them more cheaply as knock-offs elsewhere, too.

As far as studying goes...

Take Notes. Take as many notes as you can in class. Not after class!! IN CLASS. Take notes like your life depends on it, and doodle in the margins to stay focused until you realize there's a new slide you need to write down. Handwriting helps stuff stick.

Then, the night before the exam at the latest, get a new notebook. Copy your notes from class into the new notebook. All of them that will be on the test. By hand.

(Remember to shake out your hands periodically! Loose fingers, loose wrists, and wrist-twist while bouncing your elbows to shake your hands out! This is a pianist's trick to help stay limber, and it works just as well for handwriting. Do Not give yourself tendonitis. Learn from my mistake. If it hurts, stop. Your grade is not worth your health. Do NOT give yourself tendonitis in your hands; it will turn into carpal tunnel and you Do Not Want That. DO NOT.)

Copy all your notes by hand. If you are able to start a few nights before, great! This will show you what you're uncertain about, based on how much you're able to remember while copying. (You may remember bits and pieces from the lecture as you copy, because your brain made an association web while you were writing by hand the first time.) If not, THAT'S OKAY!!!! Every little bit counts! Copy as much as you can the night before the test. If you are rocky on some of it, try to copy those parts twice, but if you can't, OH WELL!

Go to sleep right after you finish writing. Shake out your hands, take a shower if you must, and GO TO SLEEP while your writing memories are still fresh. This sounds kinda like woo-woo nonsense, I know, but I never learned to study in high school and this is the best I've got. (It landed me two degrees in accounting, so...meh?)

If you cannot write by hand, type. If you cannot type, banish your roommate and speak out loud. Scan the chapters with your eyes and talk to an invisible audience as if you were trying to teach them. For me, writing was best, but speaking definitely also helped.

Important: If you have the "in one eye, out the other" inability to parse boring text, reading out loud like a newscaster (or Captain Kirk) is going to be your best friend. Example:

Snell's law is a formula used to describe the relationship between the angles of incidence and refraction, when referring to light or other waves passing through a boundary between two different isotropic media, such as water, glass, or air. In optics, the law is used in ray tracing to compute the angles of incidence or refraction, and in experimental optics to find the refractive index of a material.

Boring. I cannot read this. But, if I pretend I am an overly-chipper news anchor at 6:45AM on Good Morning America:

SNELL'S LAW is a formula used to describe the relationship BETWEEN the angles of incidence and refraction, WHEN referring to LIGHT or other waves PASSING THROUGH A BOUNDARY between two different isotropic media, such as water, glass, or air. In OPTICS, the law is used in ray tracing to COMPUTE the angles of incidence or refraction, and in EXPERIMENTAL optics to FIND the refractive index of a material.

(that's not accounting, obviously, that's physics, but it's an example, don't @ me.)

It looks deranged, formatted that way, but hopefully you can see what I mean by using a newscaster voice. Speaking aloud and forcing strong emphasis drags your brain into line and helps break down concepts and clauses in complex sentences WAY BETTER than just staring at them.

...I think that's all I've got for you. Good luck out there, buddy. Please let me know if I should clarify anything, I'm really tired. Hopefully this is at least coherent.

Me: how do I study as a neurodivergent person?

Google: how to help your autistic child study

Me: how to study as an autistic adult/teen

Google: teachers guide to how to deal with autistic children

Me: how do I study as an autistic teen/adult

Google: study tips for autistic people(-written by this allistic man that will talk about autistic people like they're zoo animals)

Me: how to study as a neurodivergent adult, tips from neurodivergent person to neurodivergent students, on how to study independently as an autistic person, no reliant support needed

Google: high functioning autism and school

Me: fuck just. How do I focus during this test that I'm in rn as an AuDHD person

Google: ok, so, to focus on this thing that you currently are doing and need to get done TODAY; weeks before the test you'll need to eat healthy and exercise, meditate, study, set timers, take breaks, drink water, sleep, find the secrets to a happy life, adopt five children, sacrifice a goat, take short showers, brush your teeth

Executive dysfunction:

My fucking deadline:

[postcardsfromheapside]

This game has been out since Halloween.

In that time, there have been numerous Veilguard positive posts in which patient, loving, wonderful, insightful and intelligent individuals attempt to impart lore onto a fanbase which doesn't deserve their time and attention.

I can't believe I'm running across posts made within the past five days which express disgust and frustration towards the devs over things which have been explained in great detail multiple times on this site, BUT IN THE DAMN GAME.

AND Y'ALL KEEP COMPLAINING THE GAME TELLS BUT DOESN'T SHOW. AND YOU DON'T EVEN LISTEN OR WATCH.

"the crows are presented as wholesome" - they are not. this site has a crow fanbase which has run off and lionized Viago as Daddy, conveniently ignored all the in-game details which either hint or baldly state things Definitely Aren't Cool, and generally fetishized what it means to be a Crow because of Zevran and Lucanis. Then the same people, or others who weren't paying proper attention, whined when the headcanon crowded out the actual in-game material, and they said "Antiva is whitewashed." There have been multiple posts about this.

"slaves are meant to be everywhere in Tevinter and we don't see that" - we aren't everywhere, we're specifically in Docktown which is poor and people generally can't afford slaves there, but we do see evidence of slavery, and we run around with abolitionists and help save people from fascist slavers and free people who will either be slaves or victims of blood magic so IDK what to tell you, there have been multiple posts explaining this too, maybe leave your slave or savior fetish somewhere else.

"Racism is supposed to be rampant" - fuck off. I actually will not be explaining this because for once it was nice not to be called a slur. If you need this to feel "immersed" or to feel there are actual problems, I need you to check yourself fucking hard. If you want to masquerade what it feels like to experience bigotry, go play one of the prior games. This has also been discussed in multiple posts.

"Handling pure lyrium is fine now" no handling the dagger is fine Solas cleansed it, the dagger woke something up in Harding specifically she talks about how some dwarves are connected to the stone, she previously had not been one of them and maybe the dagger woke something up in her, or did you need a pop up explaining this? Were you paying attention during cut scenes and dialogue?

"Adult Dalish without vallaslin" - in the 10 years since Inquisition/Trespasser, doubtless some dalish have come to adulthood and found out what assholes their gods were and made the decision not to go through that specific cultural rites. Or maybe city elves joined the Dalish. Who knows who made up the elf population at that ritual site. Elves are not a monolith. We've made multiple, multiple posts about elves not being monoliths.

"Solas' opinion on blood magic went from neutral to negative" SOLAS FUCKING LIES. We've made multiple posts about Solas lying, if you need this explained further I suggest you play the game all over again, he lies to you throughout the entire game.

"Re-write of the after credits scene in Inquisition to recontextualise the Flemeth and Solas interaction" it's recontextualized because now we know who and what they were to each other. Learning new information does that. This is literally what happens all the time in science and history. You recontextualize what you thought you knew with new information. You're supposed to change your position, not whine about how the new information makes everything different.

These are just some of the things I pulled from a list on a post in which someone was really just upset about everything. Everything. Varric, Morrigan, Solas, everything. But I can't take their criticisms seriously, because they're upset that "too much was told" and "not enough shown" and yet didn't even pay attention to DA lore or in-game dialogue or context clues around the world of Northern Thedas to answer their own questions.

Everything in this game makes complete sense if you use lore from prior games and a single iota of imagination to see how it fits. We've had many delightful posts discussing this, seeing how things could be explained, when approaching the game from a place of curiosity rather than being upset because personal headcanons weren't satisfied or long-held expectations weren't met.

[miange1]

ANTHONY SWOFFORD

'you'll find, there's never any time for babes or wine'

male reader, anal sex, sexual frustration, raw dogging(ow.), cheating, slight internalized homophobia, sexual actions in the military (DON'T. do that), is it a crime to imagine myself with hair, i have dreads, these AREN'T coming off.

he slammed the white and worn out phone onto the holder of the booth. lunch was next, but he felt much to sick to even think about food right now. this was one of those moments he wish he hadn't signed that damn paper.

he wanted to be back with kris, feel her again instead of jerking himself dry to a picture of her in the stalls just for him to not leak a single drop of nothing.

he swirled the rice and chicken around in the paper bowl, his cup of water still full as he hadn't picked it up unless he received it. 'just a friend' she said. what bullshit.

deep down he knew this would happen. it happened to everyone else, so it was blind to happen to him. "..fuck." he muttered under his breath. he needed to get it together, he couldn't break down over her— not now, not like this. and definitely not here.

what was he gonna do? how could he focus this way? there was just no possible way for it to happen if this shit was nagging in the back of his brain.

he ended up throwing the food away, no longer even wanting to stare at it with this damn girl on his mind.

now he couldn't sleep, staring up at the barracks' ceiling just..thinking. what would he do when he got back and saw that guy just staring back at him. opening that door, seeing some random looking at him like he'd never seen him before.

no, no, fuck that, he'd know him. his friends were probably right saying kris had that military fetish. getting off telling that man that he was a jarhead—

"psst," his thoughts were interrupted by a whisper. was it directed towards him? he sat up, jumping a bit to see you right next to his bed. you were a friend of his he made here, a bit closer to him than anyone else. everyone described you as a sweetheart, you were real kind and caring but you got done what needed to be done whether you disliked it or not.

"i snuck these from the cafeteria," you held up two chocolate chip cookies, and it made him surprised that they even had any sort of flavor here. "you want one?" you gave that smile to him, making his heart melt. you thought of him when taking these? practically risking yourself to get something sweet.

"sure," he sat up, moving over a bit to make room for you to sit with him. he opened the wrapper, giving a hum of satisfaction at the sweet taste touching his tongue. god, this felt great.

"thinking about that white chick of yours?" he almost choked, not thinking that you could tell— but hell it was obvious. ever since the phone calls he had been spacing out, and getting angry easier.

he exhaled through his nose, but he didn't deny it. "there's this guy, charlie or charles or some shit. something with a c, i dunno." he looked down at his bruised knees, his feet planted right on the cold hard ground beneath the two of you.

"she met him at some hotel and..they seem to talk a lot apparently. but i just..i know they're boning and-" he looked over at you, seeing how your cheeks were stuffed with the cookies as you ate. he almost burst out laughing but held it in so no one else woke up. "what?" you swallowed down the rest of the food, confused as to why he was laughing.

"jesus man, im talking about my soon to be ex girlfriend be serious for a sec." you gave him a look, "i am!" your voice was still a whisper as you exclaimed, yet you couldn't help but laugh with him.

you had stopped for a moment but he still had a few chuckles. something just tempted you and you weren't too sure what it was. you always felt a bit of something towards him, but it was mostly just admiration right? yeah, he was a good soldier and you looked up to him to better yourself despite being here longer than him.

your eyes slightly hooded, your head getting a bit closer and he took notice at that. his body backed up a bit, but the two of you were still close. it hit that this must have made him uncomfortable, hint being he was giving you a weird look. he made it clear at the meet when the drill sergeant was yelling at him he most definitely wasn't gay. so what the hell were you thinking?

too ashamed to stand up and walk away, you backed off and looked down at the floor. you weren't gonna cry or anything no, you just felt shameful.

your skin felt cold, and full of goose bumps feeling his finger underneath your chin and tracing at your jaw line. it made you look over at him, the uncomfortable look replaced with longing and need. both of your heads went together again, lips connecting like magnets and moving against each other like smooth waves.

his arm rested on your hips, and your on his chest to keep yourself steady because fuck he was a real rough kisser. there wasn't much teeth, and the kiss still went amazingly but he would push against you like he absolutely needed this.

and he did, he needed it so badly because who else did he have? no one, he had no one else except for you.

"oh..tony, chill out a bit.." he was being as 'chill' as he possibly could. going at a medium pace as to keep everyone asleep, but damn no one ever told you something up there hurt like a bitch.

"trying," he said, leaning down and coming to kiss at your lips and neck. "need you so bad.." his thrusts were slowing down but still harsh and hard. he felt so good, finally feeling something around him other than his damn hand.

he himself couldn't lie that he felt a little something for you as well, even after he knew he would regret this. he might want this to keep going if he could let it happen.

"i know but, mngh.." your words cut off when he aimed at somewhere inside you specifically, making you forget everything all at once. "gosh, right there."

his heart sped up as did his movements. he couldn't help himself! he couldn't keep going so slow, it was killing him.

his hand slapped over your mouth, and feeling the vibrations of your muffled moans against his palm. the bed creaked, your legs wrapping around his waist to keep him close.

yeah, this was definitely going to be more than a one time thing.

[loveandleases]

ROs reaction to MC dressing slutty for the first time? Doesn't matter if they're going out or just in the privacy of their room 👀😚

I only have two done so far, for some reason my mind really ran with it. (I'll finish the others eventually, but Cam/Ardents are down below)

❤️ Cam - Oh you know he's down bad. (When isn't he?)

"Wow," he says, his eyes so large as he takes you in. He should be wondering why the change, not that he cares, but his curiosity can get the better of him. But Cam's brain, for the most part, is playing catch-up. Like a video stuck on buffering.

He flicks his tongue across his lips, the glint of his piercing catching in the light, and shakes his head. "I don't know what I did to deserve this."

What you think he means to say as a compliment - is actually Cam cursing his luck.

"Are you going somewhere?" he asks as his hands brush over the clutter of your dresser.

"Not tonight. I just wanted to have something to wear for when I go out with Kara and Isaac."

He doesn't say much, but a brief nod is enough to let you know he heard. His lips jutted out into a pout. "Wow, didn't even offer to take me. I feel replaced." You know he's joking, but the slightest crease between his brow almost says otherwise.

"Come on, Cam. You're stuck with me, the faster you accept it the better." You tease, but he doesn't smile. Instead, he walks closer, his hand brushing along your shoulder. His fingers linger for a moment, brushing against your skin as if it's accidental - just enough to make you feel the heat in his touch.

You think it's just a speck of fuzz he's brushing off, but you're wrong. He wants to touch you - just for a moment.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Red. I've always been yours-" Cam's eyes widen comically large, and his voice trails off. You gasp, your eyes going wide in disbelief. Did he just -?

"Cam!" you exclaim, your heart skipping a beat.

"Uh -" He stumbles over his words, clearly realizing what just slipped out. "I've always been yours to fuck -"

Another loud gasp falls from your lips, eyes wide. Cam panics, his face turning bright red as he tries to save himself. "To fuck with! You know, tease… annoy the hell out of!"

He punches you lightly on the shoulder in his awkwardness - but a bit too hard. "Ow!" you cry out, wincing from the force.

Cam's face flushes even more with embarrassment as he stumbles back. "Shit, sorry," he mutters immediately trying to shift the energy, clearly wishing the ground would swallow him whole.

You blink, your jaw-dropping as the realization hits. "Oh, that’s what you meant," you say, half amused, half incredulous. A small, tiny part of you, one you’re going to ignore for now, feels a little disappointed.

Cam quickly turns toward the door, eager to escape the awkwardness of the situation. Before he leaves, he pauses and glances back at you, his gaze lingering on you for a beat longer than it should.

"Hey, you look hot as hell, by the way. Better take me with you when you wear that."

"Why? Gonna be lonely by yourself?"

Cam shrugs, his voice trailing off as he mutters under his breath, his lips slightly pursed, biting back the awkwardness. "Yeah… and so I can kick the first person's ass who tries to lay a finger on you."

🖤 Ardent - You could feel Ardent's eyes on you before you even turned around. And once you did, you weren't disappointed. You don't always get to see a flush of color in his face - it's fleeting, but damn, does it look good.

He was drinking you in, watching as you finished prepping yourself in the mirror. It was a sight to see, he always said so. Even when you two weren't getting along. Ardent never held back how attractive he thought you were.

"Watch yourself, old man. I would hate for you to get too heated and end up spending the night home alone," you tease, cocking your head with a smug grin, watching as he rolls his eyes.

"Stop pretending like you could even keep up. Or do I need to remind you -"

"Oh, would you look at that we're going to be late." you cut him off, not bothering to look at the clock, but enjoying how easy it is to get under his skin.

You tap a finger to the tip of his nose, letting him think he has the upper hand for just a moment. But before he can pull you closer, you step away with a playful smile. His game of cat and mouse has only just begun, and you're not ready to let him win.

As soon as you walk into the restaurant, the eyes aren't just on you - they're on both of you. And knowing Ardent he's always shooting daggers with his eyes at the attention. He admires the way you look, but you know that jealousy starts to rise in him. One patron is so taken with your outfit that they gawk at you the entire time you're ordering. Ardent leans in close, blocking their view with his body.

"Can you fucking not?" he hisses, his fingers intertwining with yours, a warning glare directed at the stranger.

Ardent's tense, his body like a coiled spring and ready to snap. A combination of you looking too good, and the eyes staring at him. "Come with me," he says, voice rough as he stands and offers you a hand.

"Wh - where to?" You raise a brow, already mourning the foot you'll not get to eat.

"Just follow me," he growls.

You smirk and fall into step behind him, not asking questions. He's not led you astray before, and you doubt he'll start now.

But maybe you should've been more cautious, at least you think, as he pulls you into the coat closet. Without warning, he presses you against the wall and slams his lips against yours, biting your lip in a way that drives you crazy.

"Here, really?" You gasp, as his fingers press into your sides, a comforting weight behind his grip.

"You know I'm yours, right?" Ardent mutters against your skin, his voice dark and gaze heated.

You blink, confused by the softer tone. "Yeah," you whisper, not because you're worried you'll get caught, but because of how his eyes are burning into you. Like you're the most important person in the world.

"And… " he trails off, raising his hand to rest against your neck as he brushes over the pulse there.

"What's the matter?" You taunt, your breath hitching slightly. "Cat got your tongue?"

Ardent's gaze flickers, then hardens, as his fingers tighten slightly on your neck, enough to make you shiver but not as rough as you like him to be. "You're mine," he growls.

Without warning, his other hand grabs your wrist, pinning your arm above your head. His chest pressing against yours. His lips trail down your neck, and he bites down, sucking hard. A groan rumbles from deep in his chest, making your pulse quicken in response.

"So," you tease, your voice breathless as you glance at him, a smirk tugging the corners of your lips. "You like my outfit, then?"

Ardent pulls away just long enough to look you in the eyes, those brown eyes filled with hunger. He grins, the scar on his lip somehow making him look more handsome. "Let's find out when it's on the ground."

💙 G -

💚 Kara -

💛 M -

💜 Isaac -

[tethrawke]

Rook was sidelined so hard, I would really love to know what on earth the live service concept was that was the birth of this mess. I have never cared about a character less. The fact that they cut out Varric's recruitment mission so we never actually SEE why Rook is so much more suited to leading than Harding doesn't help. I mean wasn't Harding the scout leader in Inquisition? It's not like she has 0 experience being in charge? But it feels like... Rook has 0 experience being in charge? I never SAW Rook being a leader before Varric handed over the reigns. And yeah. Rook on their own doesn't do anything? The companions collect the leads and tell you what to do next.

Okay so maybe Rook's job is making sure they all work together. Rook is the manager, not the SME. Fine. Except, they don't need Rook. They all get along PERFECTLY FINE WITHOUT ROOK. There's a little bit of friction with Taash/Emmrich but lbr they'd have figured this out alone or with a different companion's help. Lucanis/Davrin solve their issue alone. If Rook disappeared all of a sudden, those people would still work together just fine... And they do in the last act, literally creating a fake dagger all on their own out of NOWHERE?? Rook never had an idea like that lol. And they save Rook completely on their own too. Like they just. Don't need Rook. At all. If Rook disappeared, Harding or Neve would easily take over and people would follow them. Not to mention how Rook wasn't included in anything ever and always felt like an awkward outsider who wasn't actually invited to the party, but came because they ASSUMED they were when everyone else was talking about it, but no one wanted them to come? If you've seen the B99 episode of the gang going on a trip with Holt where they have their private fun party in the basement while the boring "boss" party no one wants to be at is happening upstairs... That's how I felt the whole game.

I will say though, world-ending odds or not, Hawke was just a much better protagonist because Hawke WAS A PROTAGONIST. The people in Hawke's life literally would never have become friends without Hawke. Some of them still hate each other by the end but endure for Hawke. Like they're all literally only in the group for/because of Hawke. And Hawke quite literally changes who they are as people and has a massive effect on their lives. The choices you make as Hawke for your friends and the city MATTER. The Veilguard choices just... Don't. The only choice that truly matters is the Emmrich one. Everything else is just a skin preference. It has no actual effect on the game or how the characters act. It's the illusion of choice and you KNOW it won't matter in the next DA, if there ever is one.

Rook as a character is just... Desperately bad, and I'm very sad about it. I mean the Inquisitor was such a bland pancake of a person as well with no real past or personality, but I ended up caring about them because of their relationship with the companions, who provided the seasoning and toppings to their bland pancake stack. I felt like they actually cared about the MC and they all had interesting, deep relationships with Inky. I just feel like... the Veilguard crew would literally not notice if Rook just said "fuck this shit" and dipped halfway through the game. I mean no one even noticed I didn't know Varric was dead? Be real 💀

What’s really jumping out at me on my second playthrough is that the writers of the first three games understood that your character was the main character. The Veilguard writers clearly thought that the main characters were their characters, the companions.

Every scene is about setting the companions up as cool or competent or sympathetic. Often, this is done at Rook’s expense. The companions get all the witty one-liners; Rook’s attempts at humor not only frequently fall flat, but are frequently called out for falling flat (even when they’re completely automatic and the player has no say in them).

The companions have all the knowledge and skills; Rook just brought them all together and gives them all pep talks so they can focus. I’m trying to edit out all of the comments where Rook is like “Um… what????” from my videos, and let me tell you, it takes WORK. There are A LOT of them. I can count on one hand the number of times when the Inquisitor or Hawke comes across as dumb, but it seems to be a built-in, unavoidable part of Rook’s character. I have not selected a single “purple” option in all of Act 1, and Rook is still coming across as the kid who tries to be the class clown to cover for the fact that he’s always confused. Rook’s role in most scenes is to say “Uhhh… what?” so that the companions look smart.

Rook is always the one offering sympathy and never the one getting it. No one actually comes to comfort you after Varric’s death. No one asks you how you’re feeling about having to lead the team now that Varric is gone. No one tries to reassure you or give you advice for dealing with the trickster god haunting your dreams. We’re told that Neve could keep Solas out of your head, but she never actually offers to do this for you. No one comforts a Shadow Dragon Rook when Minrathous is destroyed or a Grey Warden Rook when Weisshaupt is destroyed. Rook’s problems don’t matter. Only the problems of main characters matter.

Rook is a secondary character in their own story.

[traumadumpwriter]

JJ Maybank X Reader ~ Relapse and a Half

Summary: The Pogues feel betrayed by the readers sudden relapse into drugs, but they're unable to be angry at her for too long as something terrible leaves her needing their support more than ever.

Trigger warning for: drugs (obviously), guns, sexual assault, violence

Part One

Part Two

Part Three:

After the confrontation at your house a night prior, JJ had only been able to see red, quickly pacing past your mum before making his way to the Chateau, kicking over some bins and verbally abusing some kids on his way.

He couldn't believe that you liked him. That you wanted to be with him. The thought stressed him out and made him regret doing whatever he'd done to get you to fall for him.

It wasn't that he didn't like you back. In fact it was quite the opposite - he'd been entirely obsessed with you ever since you'd arrived in the Outer Banks. His issue was that he'd seen up close just how damaged you were, just how sweet and kind you could be, just how much you deserved the world and everything in it - but not him. He wasn't good enough; not cool enough, not smart enough, not clean enough.

"Why him?" He thought. "Of everyone on this island, why him?"

You could've gone for Pope or John B or even one of the Kooks, at least they would treat you right. It might've killed him inside to see, but it would've been better than the pain he was feeling now, knowing that he'd been unintentionally hurting you this whole time, knowing that he was the one who bore the responsibility of your heart.

He stormed into John B's without stopping, going straight for the blunt in the ashtray and then storming back outside. From his behaviour, the Pogues feared for the worst and Kie's eyes were quickly tearing up, panic settling into her chest.

"She's okay, isn't she?" She followed JJ outside in a pleading tone, shortly followed by Pope and John B. "Please say she's okay."

JJ didn't answer, angrily sucking on the blunt and staring out at the sea, his mind racing.

"Answer me JJ! What's happened?" Kie demanded.

"Is she alright? Was she at home?" Pope questioned.

"JJ- fucking answer us man! Is she at the hospital? Is she- is she okay?" John B shouted.

JJ took another sharp drag on the blunt before solemnly answering.

"She's fine. I mean, she's not, but she's alive."

Kie shoved him with some frustration, her tears quickly drying up but her teeth gritting.

"Why the hell would you scare us like that? What happened?"

"We had an argument... I- You were right Kie. It is my fault."

She blinked incredulously, double taking as she tried to suss out what was wrong with the boy.

"What are you talking about?" She questioned angrily.

He took another sharp drag, even sharper this time, ran his hand through his hair and then turned to the Pogues with exasperation.

"Y/N likes me! And I've been a fucking idiot to not see it. I shouldn't have rubbed all those girls in her face. I didn't think she cared, but.. I guess she did."

"So you're saying that like it's a bad thing. I thought you liked her too." John B proclaimed in a confused tone, shooting a look to Pope who had also been aware of JJ's crush.

Kie was kicking herself for not picking up on that, wishing she’d known and she could’ve told you weeks ago - before you even had the chance to get depressed and pick up a pill again. But she didn’t focus on that thought for too long, more focused on your current wellbeing.

"I do, I just- We all know I'm a piece of shit, okay? I don't deserve someone like her. Hopefully she sees that now." JJ tutted, his eyes darting between each of the Pogues.

The uncertainty of his statement made them all nervous. 'Hopefully she sees that now' - what the hell did that mean?

"What do you mean? What did you do?" Kie hissed, her heart in her throat.

"Nothing! I was just rude. I guess I rejected her. Called her a junkie-"

Kie hit him again, seething with the boy at that point.

"What is wrong with you? Why the fuck would you do that?" She snapped, grabbing the blunt from his hand and throwing it onto the floor. "Go back there now and tell her you love her! She's probably crying her heart out right now."

JJ shook his head, thinking about picking up the blunt from the ground but not bothering. Weed wasn't strong enough to make him feel better anyway. He wanted to follow Kie's instruction, he wanted to hold you and tell you his truth, but he could think of too many reasons why not to - too many reasons why you were better off without him. The rejection may hurt now but you would get over it. You had plenty of other options. You would get sober again and you would be fine. His issue was that whether he was sober or not, he was never fine.

"Being with me would only fuck up her life more and you all know that! You should just convince her to like someone else, someone whose good for her. I can't do this." JJ protested.

"You're not a bad guy, man. Come on." John B said but JJ just shook his head again, walking towards his motorbike.

"So you're just gonna leave?" Pope scoffed as JJ got onto the bike.

"I told her to turn on her phone. Try calling her again." He said numbly before kick starting the bike and speeding off.

Kie groaned, unsurprised that when she called your phone moments later it didn't go through. She sat melancholically next to Pope, leaning on his shoulder whilst John B stressfully kicked a stick around.

"Well that's not what I was expecting." Pope sighed and then turned to Kie. "How long has Y/N been crushing on JJ exactly?"

She shrugged and shook her head.

"I don't know. Forever. But that doesn't matter anyway. I'm worried. It must've taken a lot for her to admit that she likes him, so she's either really manic or.."

"Really high." John B finished her sentence, not looking up from the ground.

"How much do you want to bet it's the second one?" Pope groaned.

"I just don't get why she didn't talk to me if JJ was upsetting her this much. She promised us she'd never use again. She's never broken a promise before." Kie sighed and then stood up. "I'm gonna go to hers. I'm annoyed but.. I'm more worried than anything. I wonder if her mum has clocked on yet… I’ll see you guys tomorrow."

"Love that woman but she's clueless so I doubt it." John B scoffed dryly. "See you tomorrow Kie."

Kie picked up her bike and rode it to your house, her mind racing with all the possibilities of what you could be doing.

"Most likely passed out or crying." She thought, her chest aching as she thought of your pain. You'd been through a lot together, and though she was beyond frustrated with your relapse, she wouldn't stop being your friend because of it.

When Kie eventually knocked on your door, your mum was surprised to open it to her.

"Isn't Y/N at yours? That's where she said she was going. JJ upset her quite a bit earlier." Your mum questioned and Kie was quick to catch on to the lie.

"Oh yeah- yeah she is. She's just so upset right now. She forgot some stuff and I said I would come and get it for her."

"You're so lovely Kie. What would she do without you?" Your mum smiled, letting her in.

When Kie went up to your bedroom and picked up a bag to strengthen her lie, she was concerned to see that your phone was still on your bed. Wherever you'd gone, you hadn't brought it. She turned on the phone in hope that it would give some clue as to where you could be, but all that came through were the missed calls and messages from the Pogues.

Kie couldn't let herself panic though. You were grown enough to look after yourself.

"Maybe she just went on a walk. Or a bike ride even. That's most likely. She probably just went to clear her head. I'll try again tomorrow." Kie thought to herself, but she took the phone anyway, hoping that when you came back you would have to come get it off her. She scrawled a note onto your mirror with an eyeliner from the side; "Got ur phone. P4L. - K"

The next day, Kie waited until the afternoon to leave her house, waiting for your knock on the door that never came. She decided that she would go back to your house and confront you there, but when she arrived there was no one inside. Your mum would be at work - that made sense - but after pounding on your door loud enough to wake you up from whatever slumber you might be in and getting no answer, she started to panic.

All of the worst possibilities sprung into her head - a horrific vision of you overdosed and alone, bent over the toilet and throwing up uncontrollably or even passed out and foaming at the mouth - so she quickly rushed to find the spare key under one of the many plant pots and slammed it into the door. She ran up the stairs, loudly repeating your name as she did, and paced into your room.

"Y/N, please be okay." She said before opening the door, her heart dropping when you weren't in the bed.

Nothing in the room had moved, not the crumpled up bedding, the pile of clothes in the corner nor the note on the mirror. You hadn't come back.

"Shit. Where the fuck is she?" She muttered to herself before pacing around the house, desperately searching for you but finding nothing. "Need to find her."

Now her mind raced to even darker corners. Perhaps you'd fallen into one of the many bodies of water on the island, high and uncoordinated, and drowned. Or maybe you'd crashed your bike into an oncoming vehicle. Maybe you'd passed out somewhere and someone had called an ambulance, or maybe you’d put yourself in danger without even realising it. She had no idea how spot on she was with the last prediction.

Kie had told Pope of her plan to force you to come to hers by keeping your phone, and all of the boys had assumed that the confrontation had been over and done with by that point, so they were confused when she turned up at the Chateau without you.

"Did you speak to YN?" JJ asked, springing up from his seat as soon as he spotted Kie.

He'd hardly slept, tossing around in his bed all night as he thought of all the things he wanted to say to you but couldn't. "It was better this way." He tried to convince himself "She's better off thinking I don't want her. Maybe she didn't even mean what she said. Maybe she was just high." He couldn't push the image of him holding you and loving you from his head though.

"No. She never came to mine." Kie huffed, wheeling her bike over with furrowed brows. "And before you ask - yes I went to hers, she's not there. Doesn't look like she's been home at all since I went there last night."

"So where is she?" John B questioned, his posture tightening.

"Do I look like I know?" Kie snapped. "I'm seriously worried."

"Shit." JJ hissed, instantly jumping into a panic. He was quick and erratic. "Okay. We should all split up and look for her. I'll check the marsh and the forest, Kie you should check figure eight, Pope you check town, and John B you take the boat and check the waters. Report back here in two hours."

He rushed towards his motorbike before anyone could even answer, but stopped in his tracks when Pope suggested a disheartening idea. It was an idea that had occurred to both John B and Kie as soon as JJ had announced his plan, though it didn’t surprise them that he didn’t think of it. He was someone who always lived in a somewhat state of denial.

"Don't you think one of us should check the hospital too? You know, just in case."

JJ swallowed, catching the lump in his throat before it could properly form, and nodded.

"Y-Yeah. You do that." He said without turning around. He wanted to argue - to say that the idea was ridiculous and a waste of time - but he couldn't find it in himself to do so. Pope might be right, and if he was... JJ had to cut his thoughts off before they got too hard to bare. He jumped onto his bike and sped off, heading straight to the marshes.

His search was obviously fruitless. He waded through knee high mud and lifted up heavy logs. He dug through thick bushes and climbed up trees. He shouted your name at the top of his lungs and prayed to God that you would appear.

But none of it worked.

By time the two hour mark had hit, he'd searched miles of forestry and worked up quite a sweat. Still, he wouldn't stop until he knew you were safe.

"Maybe one of the others have found her." He thought desperately to himself, jumping on his bike and heading back to the Chateau. They'd all tried to convince themselves with the same hopeful thought and been sorely disappointed when they eventually returned to their friends. JJ was the last to arrive.

"Any luck?" He shouted from his bike before he'd even got off it, springing across the lawn.

The rest of the Pogues were stood in a circle, also damp with sweat and breathing heavily. They looked upset which was understandable given the situation, but JJ felt his heart jump into his throat as he worried that the unimaginable had happened.

"Pope! She wasn't in the hospital, was she?" He asked with urgency, pacing over to the boy.

Pope was breathing heavily, still catching his breath from the run back to the Chateau.

"Pope!" JJ repeated in an almost shout, shaking his friends shoulders.

"No- No." Pope panted out.

"Chill, JJ. None of us had any luck." John B patted him on the back with a sympathetic look.

It didn't calm him down though. Instead he started to anxiously pace, running his hands through his hair and repeating to himself "Think, JJ. Think!"

"She might just be at someone's house. Who knows, she could be having a great time right now while we're thinking the worst." John B suggested which Kie rolled her eyes at.

"The only people she’d ever hang out with other than us are druggie degenerates, so it's not exactly great if she's with them either. Those people wouldn't care if she was on the floor foaming at the mouth."

"Well I don't know what you want me to suggest, Kie! We've looked everywhere else. Should we start banging on the doors of every junkie we know? Because that could take a while!"

As John B and Kie bickered, JJ continued his pacing, racking his mind for ideas until one shot into his head like a bullet.

"Wait-Wait. What did you just say?" He turned to his arguing friends.

"That she's probably with some drugged up degenerate?" John B answered in a sarcastic tone.

"That's it! She's probably at her dealers house. And I know only one scum bag who sells that prescription shit."

JJ ran back to his bike without saying another word, ignoring the questions from the Pogues as he kick started it and sped off - some hope finally in his mind though it was still mostly clouded by worry.

"Should we follow him?" Pope asked.

"Probably." Kie answered, heading towards the Twinkie with a sigh.

It was ten minutes later that JJ pulled up by Barry's house, carefully parking his bike around the corner so that the dealer wouldn't see him. They'd had their fair share of arguments already about JJ's dad and due to this JJ knew that he had a gun. It wouldn't do him any good to get caught on his property.

The blonde paced through the overgrown front lawn and almost jumped for joy when he saw your bike strewn lazily into one of the bushes - the signature ugly green paint instantly catching his eye. You would just be sat on the sofa smoking a joint or something. He could knock on the door, distract Barry without getting shot somehow and get you out of there in no time.

Then the sound of a large vehicle coming towards the house reached his ears, and he quickly ducked around the corner and crouched under one of the windows, anxious to not be caught by one of Barry's customers either. They typically weren't the most reasonable people after all. He was relieved with his decision when Rafe Cameron jumped out of the truck, music blaring and obnoxiously announcing himself as he knocked loudly on the front door.

JJ's ear pricked as he heard Barry's voice from inside, not having realised that the window on the wall above his head was open.

"Shit." The dealer tutted, followed by the sound of a zip. "Why now?"

Barry's breathing was heavy, like he'd been doing exercise, and it peaked JJ's curiosity. Was he working out whilst you watched from the sofa? That would be fucking weird. There was no way you would be lifting weights with him.

JJ listened carefully, waiting for the sound of the front door to open and the start of a passive aggressive conversation between the two men before he stood up and looked in the window. If either of them caught him, that would be a lot of trouble.

He wasn't at all prepared for what he saw through the glass though.

The sound of the zip suddenly made sense, and the heavy breathing. You were there, lying in an unmade bed, stripped naked and seemingly asleep. Even unconscious your face looked so sad and your body looked tired; thin, with random bruises scattered about your limbs and dirty looking hickies on your chest.

Had you let Barry do this? Surely not. Surely you had more self respect than that.

The thought of any other man touching you was enough to make JJ feel upset, let alone a scumbag dealer that he knew you would never have any real feelings for. But then it dawned onto him - that if you hadn't wanted Barry to have sex with you, that didn't make it any better. In fact, it made it a whole lot worse.

It meant that... you'd been tricked or forced or coerced in some way. It meant that you'd been raped. And maybe you didn't even know it. Maybe you were so knocked out that you would have no idea what Barry had done. Maybe he had drugged you on purpose so that he could do it.

JJ's blood boiled, so much so that he felt himself getting physically hotter, his teeth grinding and his fists clenching. He tapped on the window, hoping to get a response from you, but you stayed stiff and still, your eyes closed and your breathing shallow.

How much had you taken? Had he given you something too strong? Did the dealer even know if you were on the boundary of never waking up? Did he care? Either way, there was no way you could've rightfully consented to doing anything sexual with anyone. Not when you were clearly out cold.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." JJ hissed to himself, trying to quickly brainstorm a way to get you out of there without getting killed by Rafe or Barry.

He pulled out his phone and went to text John B before remembering that he'd ran out of data, cursing himself for not paying his bill once again. Then he decided to creep around the back and listen in through another window, hoping that he'd overhear something to help with his plan. All that he heard didn't serve to help though, in fact it made his rage all the more fiery and his brain even less able to come up with a good idea. The desperation was becoming torturous.

"Where's Y/L/N then? I can see her ugly ass bike out the front." Rafe asked in a mocking tone.

"She's in bed, sleeping. What's it to you country club?" Barry answered.

Rafe scoffed. "I caught you mid fuck didn't I? Sorry for being a cock block bro. Can't say I'm not jealous. Bet she's a total freak in the sheets."

JJ could practically hear the smug smirk on Barry's face.

"Yeah, tits like you've never seen. And pussy like a vice grip. You wanna come take a look? She's out cold."

"You already know my answer to that, bro." Rafe chuckled.

JJ's eyes widened, a deep panic settling into his chest. You would be mortified to know that Rafe Cameron had been ogling your exposed form, let alone the potential that Barry might actually let him sleep with you. He ran back around to the other window and banged on it one more time in hopes of waking you up before quickly ducking down again just as the two men entered the room. He couldn't stay down and listen to their crass remarks this time, he couldn't bare it. He had to cause a distraction.

With a rush of inspiration, he picked up a rock and lobbed it at Rafe's truck, creating a loud thud as it dented the exterior. The two degenerates stormed outside at that and JJ heard the sound of a gun clicking.

"What the fuck was that?" Barry muttered whilst Rafe angrily proclaimed "Something dented my ride!"

"If there's anybody out there, you better come out now!" He shouted, his voice echoing around the vacant lot of overgrown swampland.

Then right on cue, the Twinkie pulled around the corner, a very confused looking John B in the drivers seat with Kie and Pope sat behind him. Rafe scoffed something bigoted about the Pogues before stamping over to the van, knocking so hard on the window that he was almost punching it. JJ would've been glad for his friends arrival if not for the pistol in Barry's hand.

"You dented my fucking car. Get the fuck out here!" Rafe demanded as Kie slid open the door, pacing at him with a scowl.

"We didn't do shit to your car. Now where the fuck is Y/N?"

"Didn't do shit? Look at the dent! You're paying for this Kie - since I know you're the only one with any money."

"I'm not paying for something I didn't do. Now tell me where my friend is. I can see her bike there and I swear to god if either of you have hurt her-"

"What are you gonna do? Huh?" Rafe cut her off with an intimidating smirk, stepping so that he was inches from her face. "You can't do shit."

Pope jumped out of the van and quickly got in between them, his nostrils flaring as he eyed the sociopath. John B quickly jumped out too, though before he could open his mouth to say anything Barry had cocked the gun and pointed it at the trio.

"Y/N ain't here. She bought her pills and wondered off into the marsh. Left her bike behind. Now if you want to find her before the gators do, you lot best be on your way."

No one moved an inch, horrified by the revelation of Barry's statement.

"And you just let her go? What is wrong with you? She could be dead!" Pope hissed, an unexpected volume to his voice.

JJ could no longer sit and silently listen knowing that his friends were about to embark on another wild goose chase. You were there, mere feet away. This was their best opportunity to do something before anything else could happen to you.

Feeling that the dealer was sufficiently distracted, JJ decided to fully open the window and climb inside, struggling slightly with the old frame as he pushed it up. Once he was in, he instantly rushed to your side, gently shaking your shoulder in an attempt to wake you up again.

"Y/N it's me. We've got to go." He whispered, only getting a groan back from you.

Your hair was splayed messily around your face like the petals of a flower, making him think to the mornings he'd spent with you in the past. How he'd woken up beside you after a night of drinking and wanted to kiss you, but held himself back in fear that you would find it weird. That you would remind him that you were only friends with the occasional benefit. That you'd laugh in his face. If only he'd known how wrong he was.

Perhaps he didn't deserve you, but if being by yourself meant that you were going to do this to yourself... he would have to fight until the end of the earth to be with you.

In that moment, he regretted so many of his past actions. From the random girls he'd kissed in front of you to his recent rejection of you, he knew that once you were safe and awake he would do anything and everything to take it all back.

You would be his. No one else's... This could never happen again. No one other than him would touch you. He wouldn't allow it.

He looked around the room in a panic, picking up your shirt from the floor and lifting your head so that he could pull it over your body. Your body weight was resisting his actions, dead and heavy, but when he found your underwear and started to pull them up your legs, you finally flinched awake - even if it was only slightly.

"No Barry. Not again." You mumbled, lifting your leg to kick him away.

"It's me - JJ. We're gonna get you out of here." He said quietly, pulling your panties up so that you were covered and then slipping his arms underneath you to hoist you up bridal style.

Your eyes shot open at the sound of his voice, your heart jumping into your throat.

"JJ?" You whimpered, struggling to keep your eyes open.

"It's me baby. It's me." He repeated in a hushed tone. "You're safe now."

Then he heard the sound of the van starting outside and knew that he had to be faster. He looked around the room for a weapon and was pleased when he spotted a shotgun leant against the wardrobe, an idea springing into his head. He quickly put you back down on the bed.

"No. No. Don't leave me." You choked out, your breathing becoming rapid with panic. It broke JJ's heart to hear.

"I'll be two seconds. I promise you'll be okay." He mustered the softest tone that he could, stroking your face and placing a delicate kiss on your forehead before picking up the gun and charging out of the room.

As soon as you were out of his sight, his bubbling anger returned. No longer would he be able to put on a calm front, that time had ran out. Adrenaline coursed through his veins and his skin went hot again, thinking of the vile words he'd overheard.

He pumped the gun one time, making sure it was loaded, and then slammed open the front door, quickly drawing the attention of the bickering degenerates outside. John B also quickly noticed his friend too, instantly stopping the Twinkie from reversing and jumping out again as he watched JJ in disbelief. The scene moved so quickly that none of the Pogue's were able to immediately process it.

With a cry of anger, JJ lifted the gun above his shoulder and then slammed the butt of it as hard as he could into Barry's head, knocking him out instantly. The dealer fell to the ground and dropped his own gun, and before Rafe could reach for it, JJ pressed the barrel to his chest. Rafe held his hands up in nervous surrender, though it didn't mean much.

"I should fucking kill you both!" JJ shouted. "You fucking piece of shit. You like girls when they're passed out? Huh? You like girls that can't say no?"

"Woah man. Chill. I didn't touch her." Rafe tried to calm him down, his eyes wide with fright. "It was all Barry. I just got here!"

At the realisation of what JJ had alluded to, the three other Pogues ran to join in the confrontation again. They felt sick at the idea that you might've been hurt - especially by two such unsavoury characters.

"Where is she?" Kie shouted, throwing punches into Rafe's side whilst Pope picked up Barry's pistol from the floor and kicked his body a few times.

"Inside." JJ answered through gritted teeth, staring Rafe down and struggling to not pull the trigger. "Tell me why I shouldn't kill you."

Rafe stumbled for a moment, swallowing before he collected himself and answered confidently "I didn't even touch her. Kill me and you’re going away for life! There’s not gonna be any of my DNA on Y/N, I can promise that! I’m not into passed out chicks. That’s all Barry.”

JJ didn’t move for a second, thinking on the boys words before lowering the gun slightly. He would make him suffer another time. In that moment, Barry deserved his attention much more.

"Get the fuck out of here." JJ eventually hissed.

Rafe did exactly that, backing away quickly to his truck and speeding off. The blonde turned his attention to Barry now, who was groaning as he slowly arose from the ground. Without hesitation, JJ bent down to his level and started to throw punches, blinded by fury and bloodlust. His nose cracked first, then his cheekbone, then his eye socket. JJ didn't know how long he'd been attacking him for when he felt John B's touch on his shoulder and heard his voice in his ear. The brunette had found you in the house and lifted you into the Twinkie during JJ’s raging, stood and watched for a moment and then decided to stop his friend, worried for your welfare despite enjoying the show very much.

"Come on JJ, that's enough."

Barry's face was an unrecognisable bloody mess, but he couldn't stop.

"J, you're gonna kill him."

That didn't matter.

"We need to get Y/N out of here. Let's go!"

The sound of your name did halt him. His knuckles were bruised and his chest was panting.

"He raped her, John B. She was passed out in there and naked when I found her!" He turned to his friend with a desperate expression. "We need to kill him."

"I know, I know. But he's not worth the prison sentence, J." John B struggled to bite back his own rage but managed to do so, speaking in a soft tone as he tried to calm his friend. "We'll make him suffer, don't you worry. But right now we need to go."

The blonde boy finally nodded in agreement, feeling somewhat dizzy from the adrenaline as he stood up and made his way to the Twinkie. Once he saw you inside, your half dressed body curled up on Kie's lap as you cried, the guilt came back to him in an agonising gut punch.

"This entire thing had been practically all his fault." Was all he could think. "From the relapse to this. He'd fucked you up without even trying."

He ignored his friends shouts as he paced back to his bike and said nothing as he rode off, deciding that he would go to a bar and drink his thoughts away for the night. As John B had said; it wasn't worth getting a prison sentence for murder, but that didn't mean he couldn't find some other random people to fight.

Hiiii I hope y’all enjoyed. I might make a part 4 depending on feedback. Stay safe!!

[mysticlael]

Bat inco quotes

Roy, in Jason’s bed: Morning… how’d ya sleep last night? Jason, knocking Roy off: WHAT THE HELL?! Roy: Ow— Jason: What were you doing in my bed? You were supposed to sleep on the air mattress on the floor! Roy: I had a nightmare. Jason: You had a nightmare? What are you, five years old? Roy: Listen, I needed to feel comfortable and I was getting this perverse power dynamic vibe from me sleeping on the floor and you sleeping up there- Jason, in a royal accent: Why yes, how high and mighty I am up on my twin XL! Roy: That is not what I meant— Jason: Silence in the presence of your king, who sleeps a lofty twelve and a half inches above the ground! Roy: Listen, I’m not ashamed. I slept comfortably when I got up on your bed and I’m sure you did too. Jason: Yeah, okay- Roy: You know what? I wanna know. How’d you sleep last night? Jason: …That was the best I’ve slept in a while. Roy, gasping: The king slept comfortably with a peasant in his bed! Jason: I did not consent to this- Roy, dramatically: But my liege, our love is forbidden! Jason, on the phone: Hi, is this the front desk? Yeah, there’s a bed bug in my room and he’s five-foot-eleven, he’s got red hair- Roy: Ask them if they have one of those “Do Not Disturb” signs. I’ll put it on the door next time we… do it. Jason: Okay, I'ma go shower and wash all of the you off of me. Roy: Oh, maybe together we could— Jason: NO. Roy: Just to save water— Jason: No! You don’t even pay for the water! Roy: …Good point.

Steph: *Texts a selfie to the group chat* Hey besties!! Jason: *Texts a selfie clearly parodying Steph's* hey besties !!1! Steph: I literally hate you so much.

Dick, holding a box of Lunchables: Ah, I loved these when I was your age… fine dining. Damian: Fix yourself.

Tim: What did you guys get in your yearbook? Steph: 'Prettiest Smile' Dick: 'Nicest Personality' Jason: 'Most likely to start a bar fight' Cass: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Steph: Today at 7 am, Tim poured a Monster energy drink in their coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing. Dick: I watched Tim brew their coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think they ascended into the astral realm. Damian: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.

Damian, carrying a box: What would you say if- if I, hypothetically, came home with 7 kittens one day? Bruce: … Bruce: What’s in the box? Damian: What woul- Bruce: Damian, what’s in the box? Damian: I think you know.

Bruce: Did you buy eggs like I asked? Damian: Even better! Bruce: What the fuck did you- Damian: *holding up a chicken* Her name is Fluffy.

Tim: What are we gonna do?! Jason: Blame you?

*Dick comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in Barbara’s bedroom.* Barbara: Dick, are you.. coming to bed? Dick: No thank you, I’m sure you’re lovely but I have a girlfriend. Dick: *Lies on the ground and falls asleep* Barbara: ...

Roy: sapnu puaS. Kori: What?? Jason: What language is that? Roy: Turn your phone 180 degrees. *Roy was removed from the groupchat*

Kon, admiring a sleeping Tim: You’re so cute. Tim, sleepily: I could beat your ass. Kon, lovingly: I know.

Duke: How do those little boys on XBOX parties always know what slur to call you? Tim: They're empaths.

Steph: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute. Dick: No, that's not how you make cookies. Duke: FLOOR IT!! Jason: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!? Damian: YOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN- Steph: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES! Tim: DO IT! Bruce: NO-

Tim, at Kon: Would you like to stay for dinner? Bernard, from the kitchen: Would you like to stay forever!?!

Damian: What the fuck is with english teachers and being like; "write a story about a deep and personal memory that impacted your life". Ma'am, if I do that you're going to send me to the counselor's office.

[star-lights-up]

cherik but they go to therapy and they learn how to love in a way that is not harmful to the other

ooooh I love this!!

Assuming it's a writing prompt (if it's not i'm sorry it is now)....

Neither Charles nor Erik really WANT to go to therapy. Erik is very much a "keep it inside, I am fine, I am fine fine fine" guy and Charles is a DIY guy. He'll fix everything and anything himself. Talking to someone about problems and emotions? "we've got that at home! It's called an inner monologue, or a friend, or a journal."

At some point (aka after about six months of big, blowout fights where things get SERIOUSLY broken. Dishes and stuff like that. Also Erik leaving occasionally after them and Charles falling back into deep depression) Raven convinces Hank to team up with her and blackmail Charles and Erik into going to therapy.

("Couples therapy, marriage counseling, individual therapy, I don't fucking care what they do but something needs to happen. Or I will murder both of them myself. C'mon, Hank, I know you've got at LEAST one thing we can get Charles with...." "Raven, that's blackmail...." "So?")

Charles is skeptical, but manages to stay friendly when they first meet their counselor. Erik is being a grump and barely opens his mouth.

Then, at their first appointment, shit just... goes south. They start arguing, Erik storms out, Charles starts having a whole big mental breakdown, the counselor is sitting there like O___O

"Why can't I fix this?" Charles sobs, feeling like the biggest idiot in the world. It's what he's been thinking ever since he met Erik, really, ever since they started fighting and kissing and running to and from each other.

And the counselor is just like, "This isn't... It's about you and him, growing together and leaving space for each other's opinions. There's not anything you can do to "fix" it, because it's just a process. Learning to respect each other. And you certainly can't do it all on your own."

Charles nods and sniffles and manages to regain his composure. He apologizes, and leaves.

Erik's sitting in the car outside, still fuming. And Charles gets in and he's just super quiet. They start driving back home without another word.

Then when they're in the driveway Charles is just like, "Erik, I can't say our situation is all your fault. I hold the blame too. But I need you to try. For me. Please." Then he gets out and goes into the house and Erik's just sitting there in the car feeling angry and confused and stuff.

The next week up until their second appointment is quiet. They don't fight, they just don't really talk that much. Evening chess games are quiet. Erik sleeps in the spare room, and neither of them mention it.

They fight again at the next appointment, but Erik doesn't leave this time. And that tells Charles that he's trying.

The third appointment, it's Erik's turn to break down in tears. Charles holds him while he cries. That evening, Charles asks him to stay, to sleep in their bedroom again, and he does.

Slowly, appointment by appointment, they learn how to talk to each other again -- and how not to talk to each other. Charles realizes that there's certain things that he just has to not critique Erik for, even if he doesn't support them, and sometimes things just aren't as big of a deal as he makes them. And Erik realizes that he can't keep avoiding the hard conversations, even when he thinks that him staying will just be a burden to both of them.

They fight less. The remaining arguments are less destructive, too, and sometimes they're almost having fun, debating with each other. They can be seen holding hands, smiling again when they're around each other. They go on dates again, and more often.

Raven says a triumphant "I-told-you-so!" Alex, Sean, and Hank owe money after a month of no broken dishes.

And Charles and Erik? Well, they're happier than ever.

[laswells-ashtray]

How much Alerudy freak content do ypu have to give? The community is lacking. /np

Apologies, I've been meaning to respond to this and since you sent me this I've responded to other freak AlreRudy asks. I'm not gonna write a whole story but I am gonna explain more of their freaky behaviour.

Alejandro is weird about spit. He doesn't like getting spit on, in fact, that enrages him but when Rudy has him face down on the bed, working him open with two fingers and spits in his hole? With how close he already is, it damn near sends him over the finish line. It's degrading, it's humiliating and it almost makes him cum. Like most things Alejandro enjoys.

Rudy likes nibbling at Alejandro's ear lobes. Scraping his teeth over them, biting and sucking at them. He's weird about ears, we all have our things. But the sensation of having someone suck at his earlobes is wild for Alejandro, it's a confusing sensation at first. It sends a shiver down his spine and then Rudy scrapes his teeth over the soft flesh, barely allowing him time to adjust to the sensation before throwing him headfirst into another and it starts to feel really good.

Will sit with Rudy's knees bracketing his hips, one of the sergeant-majors hands cradling the back of his head as Rudy nips and sucks at his ears whilst the other hand palms at Alejandro over his boxers. Rudy can get off on just lazily grinding against him as they do this.

They sniff each other like bloodhounds, especially after the gym. Alejandro will lick all over Rudy's neck, doesn't care if he's damp with sweat that only encourages him. Something about Rodolfo under those lights, lighting weights when his tank is soaked with sweat and there's nothing but pure focus on the other man's face. Makes Alejandro wants to pin him down and lick his face.

I've said before that Rudy likes pain, he likes burning, searing pain right before he cums just to send him over the edge. He needs his vision to white out, ears ringing as his chest heaves and hips gradually still. Alejandro is more than happy to oblige because they've researched the best places to burn someone and how to heal it without potential infection. They've been doing it for a while, they know what they're doing.

But this just leads to cigarettes becoming a major part of their sex life and much to Rudy's displeasure, he struggles to watch Alejandro smoke outside of the bedroom without walking away with a hard-on. He's so used to watching his colonel lean back with a cigarette between his lips, one hand squeezing Rodolfo's hip as he gets the ride of his fucking life. When he sees Alejandro smoking in a normal setting? He thumbs over his clothes where he knows the old, circular scars reside on his body and tries to adjust himself in his pants without anybody noticing.

[foreverl0stinmymind]

Headcannons for the obey me! Characters:

mental health edition. (Some of what I say is mental disorders, some is just headcannons on how they're mentally fucked)

Autism and ADHD are included, because they affect how your brain functions, and can make you more sensitive to other mental health issues.

Lucifer:

This man has autism, guaranteed. Also, he most likely has depression and anxiety. Probably turns to hurting himself to cope, so yeah. Also, I get the feeling he's insecure about his body, and his personality. Like he genuinely just hates himself. Also, C-PTSD is almost definitely a factor into his behavior. Nightmares about Lillith, as well.

Mammon:

ADHD. Probably also mild anxiety. I think he has PTSD from the war, like most of his brothers. He hides that behind jokes. This may be controversial, but I don't think Lucifer's punishments have caused him any trauma. He understands that Lucifer is just trying to make him behave, and keep him safe/out of trouble. He also hates himself. Mild depression, but not as bad as Lucifer's.

Levi:

Autism. All of the autism in n the whole world is in this man. Also, absolutely fucking loathes himself, the cannon makes that clear. Weird little other thing, I feel like he has very light trauma from Asmo touching him/showing him things he doesn't wanna see. But more trauma from the war.

Satan:

This man is mentally fucked. Like, severely.

BPD, autism, and self-confidence issues. Also, daddy issues. Though Lucifer works hard to make it clear he sees Satan as his own person, Satan just sees himself as a spare limb of Lucifer's, which saps his mental health.

Asmo:

NPD. Though I could also see slight anorexia issues.

Beel:

PTSD from the war, and Lillith dying. Also, I headcannon him with emotional eating as a way to cope, which is why he eats so much. ADHD.

Belphie:

Depression and apathy. He doesn't give a fuck about anything anymore. Slight trauma from the attic.

Diavolo:

ADHD. Also, I think his mental health suffers from being forced into a powerful position too young, and he copes through his jokes.

Barbatos:

Autism. Also, I see all of his effort to serve everyone around him as a way to try and prove to himself that he has value. He works so hard so that he can KNOW he'll be missed if something happens to him.

Simeon:

Anixety, my dear. Also, he's probably got mild C-PTSD.

Luke:

I think being treated as a child has a larger negative effect on him than he shows.

Solomon:

NPD. Anxiety and depression. Also, his cooking is a mental disorder in and of itself.

Thirteen:

ADHD and autism. Insomnia as well.

Raphael:

Anxiety. Also, autism.

Mesphitophles:

NPD. Also, I think he feels he needs Diavolo's praise to have value.

[robotrules]

Thoughts on Fallout: New Vegas from a First Time Player

A (very) long stream of consciousness about how much I like this game:

So I put off playing any Fallout game for the longest time. Had Fallout 3 and Fallout: NV just rotting in my Steam library for literally 15 years, mainly because when I tried playing F:NV when it first came out, it kept crashing and I just gave up. Fast forward to December 2024 and my Youtube algorithm kept on showing me all the stupid shit people did in the games and I was thoroughly amused by all of that, because I too enjoy playing a chaos creature whenever games allow me to. Read that F:NV was the most beloved in the franchise and had a lot of freedom when it came to game choices. Great! Had a western sci-fi theme, a concept I really liked. I love retrofuturism and Westerns and the great expanse of the American Southwest, all wrapped up in a post-apocalyptic setting. But then I stumbled on a video of this guy and I was immediately sold:

I was smitten by Yes Man's voice and sense of humor and goofy face (Dave Foley's vocal performance can't be overstated. He made Yes Man very charming!).

And then I learned that you could actually work with this goofy robot as an actual partner* to take over New Vegas and let me tell you, I COULDN'T CLICK THE INSTALL BUTTON ANY FASTER (pretty sure you could hear a sonic boom coming from my house). AND THE GAME RAN THIS TIME! And thus, I began my odyssey into the Mojave Wasteland.

* Most media robots tend to be cute little sidekicks or antagonistic villains or just dumb enemies, so it was pretty refreshing to actually be able to work alongside a robot/AI as an equal of sorts. My courier is pretty respectful of Yes Man, so I like to think they become friends and co-rulers of the strip. :) (Although I did kinda kill him a few times out of curiosity. He said he'd make it up to me after I killed him and it made me feel bad. ;_; Sorry bb. )

And my first impression of the game? I love it! I was kind of bracing myself for some edgy humor (Like Borderlands) and I was pleasantly surprised that it had a a right balance of silly, serious, and dark when it needed to be. The roleplaying aspect is fun and I like how you can basically be whoever you want to be (with some great comebacks from the courier. When killing Mr. House, you can say "Yes Man needs you out of the way" and I was like "Yup, this game knows exactly what my motivations are" >:) ). The quests never seem to be a slog to me since they're tied to characters and their stories, so the motivation to help (or sow discord) is the main thing that drives me to want to explore and do everything in the game.

Also, non-feral ghouls are so fucking cute. I love their raspy voices and they seem to be (for the most part) nice. I always had a soft spot for creatures that are "othered" like monsters and aliens, and I view ghouls as stand-ins for communities that were medically ostracized (like leprosy and the Hibakusha), so yeah, very easy for me to like them. Also Raul is my absolute favorite, so there's that too. :) I like all the companions tbh. As fantastic as a world as the Fallout universe is, I like how grounded everyone is, just as real as anybody you'd meet out on the streets. And that they all have their own hopes and dreams that aren't centered around the player character. Raul is my favorite just because I love how he tells his story and Danny Trejo's voice is like a glass of warm milk to me (very soothing).

Oh! And obviously I love the robots too. I appreciate that robots seem to vary on their level of sentience (Protectrons vs. Mr. House's personal Securitrons) and the writers treated Victor and Yes Man with just as much care as they did their human characters (I wish Victor had a bigger role though! What a cutie-pie). I find it kind of poetic that it's a robot that saves your life and it's a robot that helps you make major decisions in-game (if you decide to go the Yes Man route). The Courier owes their life to Victor and Yes Man and has their life changed completely because of those two.

And of course I had to make Primm Slim sheriff (that cowboy getup and his little Yee-haw is too precious :') ). Basically, if I don't have to kill them, I am doing my run as a pro-robot and pro-mutant run. I love them too much.

Anyways, there ends my thoughts. I'm not finished yet (currently eliminating the side fractions for Yes Man. Bye-bye Brotherhood. :) ), but I'm looking forward to getting back in the game once I have more time. I think it might be my favorite game!

[archivalofsins]

There are a lot of things within Milgram that will look a lot different in hindsight. There are going to be a lot of people who may not have been there in the moment that will go why did the audience vote this way instead of that way etc.

How could none of them tell these people were bad?

The knee-jerk reaction of a lot of people who were there may be to get defensive and go well it was different in the moment. It was stressful and we were literally working against the clock. We only had three months. Plus, at times the day one verdicts for the prisoners were so decisive that most of those three months were spent getting them down from where they were at.

But like hear me out- Fuck that.

Yeah, I mean that. Fuck that shit. No one needs to explain the process to anyone else that comes trial three or after it. Milgram is a once in a lifetime media experience meant to be lived in the moment and looked at an entirely new way after that moment has ended.

Once hindsight finally sinks in fully that feeling of what one thought they knew conflicting with what they now know. Well that feeling is everything in a series like Milgram. A series where the characters relish in their lies, the swinging impressions and interpretations, revel in the idea of changing Es' and by proxy the audience's opinions on them.

They're throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks just as much as the audience is.

I think it's important to look back reasonably and say to ourselves man that was something. That was intense. It was a moment that felt like an eternity. It was a race we either won or lost.

That's Milgram.

I think it's important to appreciate those trials for what they were and what they gave. So we can better appreciate and understand what they've led to. To make it a little easier for us all to let hindsight in regardless of how stupid it makes us all feel or how heavily it may bruise our egos in order to reckon with the new moments we have ahead of us.

I think the most interesting thing to occur over the course of trial two were the prisoners responses to Haruka. Be it his situation or the news of his plan. Because looking back on it in hindsight... It's incredibly heart wrenching isn't it?

The audience slowly watched Haruka go through someone trying to put himself out there again albeit awkwardly and not that much to isolating himself in his room for days on end. Tearing himself up inside over what he felt he needed to do to protect the one person who ever looked at him in the way he wanted. The one person who had ever loved him in the way he wanted to be loved for better or worse.

His closest person.

So, close and so idyllic, in fact, he said she was his mother. Because she fit what he'd always wanted from a parent. Care, attention, being present. Picking out clothes for him to wear, showing him new ways to style his hair, telling him better ways to communicate with others. The proper way to communicate with others.

"Then what should have I done instead?! Tell me! Tell me, so even I can understand!"/ "It's not like I asked him to do that!"

Q.07 You just got given one million yen and need to use it up as quickly as possible, what will you do?

Haruka: I don’t know so please do it for me. I’ll give it to you.

Mu's Second Voice Drama Queen B

"It's not like I asked him to do that?"

I see. So, that's how it is, huh. You don't say anything; just because you're present, the wishes of those around you evolve to benefit you- Oh, so that's it. Like a born queen. No, it's as if you're influencing your surroundings not with words, but with pheromones.

"My sorry spells must be wearing off."

Mu: Mm... Mu's scared what if the warden changes his verdict and then terrible things happen to me.

Haruka: What no warden-san isn't like that.

Mu: But what if what they see next makes them realize Mu is a bad girl and they end up hating me...

"Hey, what if- If I am a bad girl. Don’t hate me."

Haruka: Don't worry I'll protect you- I'll talk to the warden for the both of us. They already forgave us once they wouldn't suddenly change their mind entirely-

Haruka Voice Drama Two Metamorphosis of the Weak

7:39 "Even though you said you forgive me..." You were told upfront that this is a three-trial system. "Why are you bullying me like this?" I'm not bullying you. I'm simply trying to figure out whether I should forgive you or not- and by extension whether your actions were wrong or not. "There's no way it was wrong! If I hadn't done it, nobody would have looked at me!" You killed to gain attention? The you who was never loved by anyone? "That's right! Because if I just remained a good-for-nothing, nobody would ever care about me!" Just because of that, someone- "Aren't I the only unfortunate person here?! Because I'm the only one who could never do anything right since I was born, because I could never do the same things as everyone around me, my mother gave up on me and I stopped existing in her world!"

It is so funny to read that last part again then look at Kazui in Cat going-

"I can’t stop, I can’t be normal."

And his second voice drama is just him lamenting the same thing. Like Yamanaka lowkey put some comedy in here that can only be appreciated in hindsight.

Haruka

"Why am I like this?! why does it hurt so much to just exist- I'm so sorry I had you waste your life on someone like me."

"Why was I born like this? Why does it hurt so much?"

Kazui a few trials down-

"Why am I fucking like this? Why can't I just be normal? Why do I have to let my cowardice dictate every social maneuver I make and every word I say? Just gotta keep lying it'll work out eventually! After all it's easier to be a let down than get let down! Can I get a witness bring the band in! Let's get swinging-"

"Lie, until it gets better, follow the king of the masquerade. Lick that sin and oppose punishment, until you can meet the king of the masquerade."

Sorry, I'm digressing Kazui was threatening to derail this post harder than Haruka derailed the collaboration art one. Not this time old man. Ahn one more before we hit the road-

"I can’t stop, I can’t stop- Am I still INNOCENT?"/ "I can’t stop, I can’t be normal."

Got damn it another one courtesy of Star,

"I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling."/"I wanted to be loved, just like a cat."

Okay, now get out of here old man this is about the young man!

Mu was someone so important to Haruka that even after everything Es said to rile up and upset Haruka in his second voice drama he decided to try to be on his best behavior for her sake,

9:26s

"Haa... I'm sorry, warden-san. For causing you trouble." ... "My mother was Muu-san all along." Huh? "Muu-san is my mother." I don't think that's right. "It is, though." Is that really something you can deny... "Muu-san praises me. The useless me... She praises me, acknowledges me, looks at me, and she needs me. My current self only exists thanks to Muu-san." You did say you had two benefactors. So the other one was Muu, huh? "That's right. As long as Muu-san is here, I feel like there's a meaning to me coming to Milgram." ... "I've met my real mother. So, I'm happy. I'm sorry for causing problems earlier. I need to be a good boy- For Muu-san's sake as well."

10:52s

"U-um, I'm sorry, kind of..." Suddenly acting all well-mannered...! Is there something else you want to say? "U-uh something I want to say... Something I want to say..."

I'd appreciate if people could listen to the way Haruka speaks here the stammer and hesitance in his speaking. How when Es prompts him to say whatever he wanted to to say he says something I want to say, something I want to say. Voice cracking almost as though he knows what he should be saying but doesn't want to.

The voice direction on this line says a lot more in hindsight than it did back when this came out, huh?

11:08s

If there's nothing, that's fine. "...No, there is something..." What is it?

"Warden-san, Muu-san is afraid of Milgram."

"Please don't scare Muu-san anymore."

11:21s

You're worrying about a stranger in a situation like this? "Yes. Please forgive Muu-san next time as well." You sure are asking something of me here. Viewing Muu as your mother is great and all, but she might only be kind to you in order to use you, you know. "So, what?" ... "So, what if she's using me. Isn't it a good thing to be used? For someone to think of me as worthy enough to use me... isn't that something to be happy about?" Haruka...you... "If you don't forgive Muu-san, I'm going to kill you." You really have no learning ability whatsoever. You can't kill me. "Ah, right... Then... I'll kill myself instead." You...! "Was that against the rules too?" Not as far as I remember! "Hehe, hahahaha! See! I'm not an idiot, right?"

So, for whose sake was this again?

23/02/19

Haruka: Guard, can you hear me? You can, can’t you?

Haruka: I meant what I said in the interrogation. ……please forgive Mu-san.

23/04/07

Haruka: Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. PleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-san

"Don’t wipe me out, don’t wipe me out- I just want to be your good boy."/ "If you want to betray from jealousy- You know what’s gonna happen ON YOU."

"I need to be a good boy- For Muu-san."

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

Yet, when Es asked her why she wasn't trying dissuade him from possibly harming himself even though they were friends. Even though she was the closest to him.

Even though she influenced how he dressed,

How he conducted himself while speaking,

21/09/02  (Yuno’s Birthday)

Haruka: Y-Yuno-san. Good morning! T-today’s your birthday, right……? Ha-happy birthday……!!

Yuno: Oooh…… Thanks? You’ve definitely changed a bit huh, Haruka. You speak a little louder now, and actually look people in the eyes when you talk.

Haruka: Eh, ah, i-is that so…… I wasn’t, aware of it myself, but…… Heh, hehe. Is that so.

Yuno: Ding ding! My sensor is telling me…… this is probably a girl’s influence. Well, everyone here is slowly changing, I guess. Even me.

"Hey..why don't you listen to me...? I'm telling you... Hey...HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

22/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me.

Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen.

Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things.

Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

And even his behavior while she wasn't even in the same room as him,

"I've met my real mother. So, I'm happy. I'm sorry for causing problems earlier. I need to be a good boy- For Muu-san's sake as well."

"Then what should have I done instead?! Tell me! Tell me, so even I can understand!"/ "That's right! Because if I just remained a good-for-nothing, nobody would ever care about me!"

Haruka's Second Voice Drama Metamorphosis of the Weak 8:15s

Just because of that, someone-

"Aren't I the only unfortunate person here?! Because I'm the only one who could never do anything since I was born. Because I could never do the same things as everyone around me- My mother gave up on me and I stopped existing in her world."

"The things that aren’t here, and the unneeded things- Is it still living somewhere?"

Haruka's Second Voice Drama Metamorphosis of the Weak 8:30s

And you believe that killing someone because of that was the right thing to do?

"I don't know! Then what should have I done, in your opinion?! Even after stealing things important to her, my mother still wouldn't show any interest in me! Then what do you think I should have done?!"

Despite all those things and Haruka's clear desire for guidance when asked why she wasn't dissuading him from his plan Mu just went why and how could I. It's not like I told him to do that, it was his choice and as his friend I should support him.

Because that's what friends do they support each other.

"Are you planning to tell me 'that's not what friendship is'? Then what is it? It's about sticking together because it's beneficial to everyone involved isn't it?"

So, why would I try to stop him. Guard is it just that you haven't had many friends.

She said all that right after leveraging his life for her own benefit within her second voice drama. She tried to build distance between herself and Haruka's behavior all while stating.

"Ah-but if you don't forgive me Haruka-kun will die. So, I think it'd be best not to do that."

Because that's just the sort of person Mu is. She wants all the benefits from an action and none of the responsibility. It doesn't matter if people are just doing things because they wanted to help her. Because she instigated or implied. She didn't ask and they were always free not to get involved.

They didn't need to pity her or try to help.

They could have just not listened. It's not Mu's fault they did. She's always been a drama queen after all. If they want to twist it to make her look like the villain then-

"If you’re going to make me the villain- It’s ok to ignore me."/"Hey..why don't you listen to me…? I'm telling you… Hey…HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

In hindsight it really appears as though Mu just said all that to preemptively say well whatever happens to him isn't Mu's fault.

Haruka's actions and choices are his own as his friend she should support him but it's not as though what he does is Mu's responsibility. Besides guard you could just vote me innocent and that won't happen. You could just vote everyone innocent you know. Isn't Mu so smart and helpful.

Please don't recognize that as the person closest to him I could just tell him I want him alive more than I want to be innocent. If you did that I would look really bad but luckily no one is going to- Hey, hey stop that what are you no- NO!

This is all Kotoko's fault.

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

Kotoko: ……you went out of your way to say that to my face? Aren’t you scared of me? The next target of my fangs might be you.

Mu: Why? Kotoko-san, aren’t you punishing the bad guys? I didn’t do anything wrong. And anyway, fufu, you’re talking like you’re fine too. Aren’t you gonna be not forgiven too this time? What will you do then? Start biting yourself? Fufu, that’s hilarious. I want to watch.

Kotoko: ……you’re good at provoking people. I’ll pray that you won’t be forgiven this time. When that time comes, I’ll be sure to crush you.

Yeah, it's definitely not that a good majority of people who listened to the Queen B voice drama heard how callous and inconsiderate she was in regards to Haruka's well being. Then went,

"Well if this is how you think friends are supposed to be towards each other no wonder your life is like this."

Or saw her behavior in It's Not My Fault and aptly came to the same conclusion as those who watched the voice drama then voted solely off that.

It's not like anyone thought if she didn't care if he lived or died than why should any of them? She's the closest person to him and has lived with him in person for years and wasn't even batting an eye at his plan. So, why should the audience or Es be phased by it.

Like she said none of us told him to do that. That has nothing to do with us. He made that decision all on his own and could renege on it if he so chose to. Mu didn't come in her second voice drama going,

"Guard I'm really scared Haruka may hurt himself please just vote me innocent to stop him."

No she came in there and said that him telling her his plan made her happy and really feel their friendship. Then proceeded to say that was Haruka's choice, it's not like she asked him to do it, he has his own free will. It seems like the audience just agreed a little too hard and went you're right Mu that was his decision.

He didn't need to threaten himself like that. Why did Haruka put himself in this situation? Well we'll never know. So, guess it has nothing to do with you or us. Since that's the case we won't take that into consideration when it comes to your verdict.

"Oh before I forget, about Haruka Sakurai......are you sure about that “guilty” verdict? Weren’t you offered some sort of deal? I mean, not that I care. I guess that means you thought the same."

It simply doesn't matter we didn't force him to do that but he is trying to force us to vote you innocent through saying he'll do that. Something that many people may just take issue with in and of itself. Who am I to say I'm not every voter in Milgram.

Though, a good part of it could have been pushing Haruka out of a 50/50 several times and then into guilty. Like you said it's Haruka's decision that has very little to do with us. Again, it's not like we told him to do that either. I mean Mu didn't do anything to stop him right it's just like you said Mu,

"We are just the same."

"Don’t you think it’s wonderful to control them with my gentle sting."

No one made him do that. It's not the audiences fault or Mu's. He decided to make that promise and follow through on it of his own free will so sad too bad.

Mu's Second Voice Drama Queen B

12:28s I sure have understood that talking to you isn't getting me anywhere. But I guess I'll take your little explanation into consideration. "Ah- but if you don't forgive me Haruka-kun will die. So, I'd think it'd be best not to do that." ...! [Bell tolls] So you've heard about that no sense, too? "Mhm! Haruka-kun told me! So I could rest easy according to him. That made me happy. It made me really feel our friendship!" You know about it, and you're not trying to stop him? Haruka, that is? "Why would I? Haruka-kun says that's what he wants. So, there's nothing I can do, right?" But you're calling him your friend. "Isn't it exactly because he's my friend? Isn't friendship about letting your friends do the stuff they want?" ... "Are you planning to tell me 'that's not what friendship is'? Then, what is it? It's about sticking together because it's beneficial to everyone involved, isn't it?" I don't think Haruka is benefitting from that at all. "No way... It's not like you know what's good for him." ... You sure are tough to beat. "I really don't get what it is you're trying to say, Warden-san. Haruka-kun is free to decide what he wants, and I'm not doing anything wrong. It's not like I asked him to do that!

Given what transpired over the course of the intermission and all this I'd have to say Es was right with their assessment on how beneficial Mu's friendship was for Haruka. Because honestly with friends like these who needs enemies? He tells her he's going to kill himself and her first thing is it's alright because that's what you wanted to do and it will benefit me too! You're such a good friend Haruka that makes Mu so happy.

That made me happy... It made me really feel our friendship!

Even though Haruka said from the beginning of trial two he was doing well in Milgram.

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……? Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……? Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly…… Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself……haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

He'd been enjoying himself a lot- So much so he never wanted to leave,

Q.03 Do you want to leave Milgram?

Haruka: I want to stay here forever.

He was even beginning to like himself,

Q.01  Do you love yourself?

Haruka: I think I like myself now.

He was happy in Milgram he even went as far to purport that if he was in Milgram from the start then he probably wouldn't have even wound up doing what he did.

Q.10 If you could turn back time, would you commit the same “murder”?

Haruka: I don’t know. If I was in Milgram I probably wouldn’t.

Hell, in his second trial written interrogation he flat out said he didn't want to die.

Q.17 How old do you want to live to be?

Haruka: I never thought about it. I don’t want to die.

But yeah no one else had any input when it came to this plan at all. Despite the fact that up until the end Haruka continually said he wasn't doing this for himself he was doing it for Mu's sake to protect her.

23/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……please, don’t tell anyone. And also, please, don’t get involved. All I can do, is ask, you……

Kotoko: ––Fufu, fufufufufu. That’s a crazy thing to be thinking. Honestly, it’s weird. But I don’t hate it. If only all the wrongdoers were like you.

Haruka: No…… that’s wrong…… That’s not, why I’m doing, this……This, isn’t for me…… I have to protect…… so, Kotoko-san…… please……

Kotoko: Eh? Ah, yeah, yeah. Well, I promise I won’t get in your way. Honestly, if I could, I’d love to do it myself, but I’ll step back this time. As for what happens next…… I wonder. It depends on Es.

Not to repent for any of his behavior, not because he felt ashamed, or unhappy at his new verdict all for Mu.

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

"So, what if she's using me. Isn't it a good thing to be used? For someone to think of me as worthy enough to use me… isn't that something to be happy about?"

He couldn't have made it clearer that he wasn't doing this because he wanted to. He was doing it because he had to.

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka.

Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do.

Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you……

Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

Literally the last time we see him he said it was something that he had to do. Literally to the one person who tried to dissuade him from doing it. Mu did nothing to try to stop him and Kotoko laughed like Christmas had come early. Kotoko's only complaint was she wanted to do it herself.

"Honestly, if I could, I’d love to do it myself."

Kotoko: Killing yourself all alone on a Friday night why not let me help with that.

Haruka: Na-no I'm alright please don't intervene.

The fact he told Kotoko not to intervene in hindsight could have been him looking for an out. Since he straight up asks Es if harming himself is against the rules of Milgram than goes and tells who is Es' helper his plan like don't interfere.

Like maybe she'd interfere because death isn't apart of Milgram's punishments and it'd be cheating my way out. Kotoko who openly wants everyone here besides her fucking dead just went,

Kotoko: Fufufu ha, ha rip evildoer would love to do it myself but I'll hold off. Really appreciating that you know how to take the trash out at least- I wish more criminals were like you. Can't wait to see this shit. Know what's almost as good as me getting to kill you myself- You being dead!

"“UNDER” Doltish “001 Parasite”."/ "So ridiculous, isn’t it ridiculous- They’re still here, still here, it grates me."

As Haruka stood there like,

Haruka: . . .

Why would she have done anything other than laugh. In hindsight this is the best birthday gift she could have gotten.

Mu on the other hand isn't Kotoko. She's someone that calls herself Haruka's friend. She's someone who continually presented herself as being useful through taking care of him by bringing him food to his room every day. Quelling the concerns of anyone who goes to ask about him by assuring them he's fine and she's taking such good care of him.

Yet she just straight up says him committing to doing that all for her really made her feel their friendship.

The cats not even in the bag she literally said the quiet part out loud when all this was going down. Before going if that's really what he wants to do who is she as his friend to stop him. Instead she should support him and his choices because that's what friends are for.

Then she did just what she said she would as his friend.

She supported him, brought him food, and made sure he had time to think over how to do it while giving telling everyone that asked not to worry Mu's taking care of him. Knowing full and well what he was planning and working on figuring out how to do the entire time. Because again he told her about it before it was even put into motion.

She constantly checked in and continued to instigate a scenario where she was one of the only people he saw or a daily basis.

All while saying shit like,

"Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?"

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently.

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfill my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

Haruka are you still alive in there- Have you begun growing mould. You're not going to betray Mu too. Do you not care enough about Mu to keep your word now is that it? But if you don't the guard will just do worse and worse things to me. The atmosphere is already so bad too... What you do care about Mu? Well if you care prove it.

Doesn't sound like that impossible of a stretch for the girl who's first song has a chalkboard with drawings goading her victim to either kill herself or be murdered, and is shown to have placed flowers on her victim's desk to basically tell her to kill herself.

Which we know the desk with the flowers on it is her victims seat because we see Mu sitting in hers in After Pain. As well as her victim after being bullied in the classroom later with the same flowers still placed on the desk.

So it wouldn't be the first time she was implied to be attempting to goad someone into killing themselves. Or even the first time she was implied to be successful either.

At no point is she shown making one attempt to dissuade him from doing this. Not even a,

"No, don't worry about that now. The atmosphere has been bad recently right let's try to cheer up together."

Or a,

"No, I understand you're doing this for Mu's sake but honestly I'd rather you not."

Just a well don't lock yourself in your room all day you have to eat even if you are planning to end it all come on now. You can't plan on an empty stomach..

Her presence had more than likely been a constant reminder of the promise he made regardless of if he didn't want to follow through or not. Making it so he became more and more focused on how to keep his word to her instead of any other possibility. Small aside the funny thing about Mu's karaoke collaboration art is the butterfly imagery.

Something shown to be a tie between her and Haruka.

I say this is funny because butterflies are heavily associated with causality. Particularly in relation to chaos theory. Such as how the smallest act like a butterfly flapping it wings can lead to catastrophe. Mu was that butterfly for Haruka. She came gently flapping in showing interest in someone who she recognized was vulnerable and took advantage of them under the pretense of being friends.

21/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

Like she did to many of her so-called friends before him,

Q.18 Do you regret anything?

Mu: I think maybe I should have chosen my friends a bit more carefully.

All the other prisoners left Haruka in her care because they thought like the audience did in regards to Mahiru and Shidou that Mu was Haruka's friend. That she like the audience or more than the audience would want him to be okay. She would want to get out of this together with him and see him succeed even if that made her time a little more difficult. They thought that she would want him to keep living that if something was wrong she would tell them because she cared.

That Mu would do the the right thing because she said she was doing it, she said that's what they were, and they took her at her word

23/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Futa: Oi, you. Is he ok? He’s not even left his room lately.

Mu: You mean Haruka-kun? Hmm. Yeah, probably. I’ve been bringing all his meals to him so he should be fine. Isn’t that great of me?

Futa: Hah? Who the hell says that sort of thing about themself. ……ah, no, well, right now I understand a bit. When you’re feeling down, it’s nice to have someone who relies on you and accepts you. The rest of us can’t really understand you from where we’re standing. But well, if you’re Haruka’s “salvation” then I guess it really is great.

Mu: Salvation……? I don’t know what you mean. Futa-kun, you don’t sound like yourself. Did you hit your head or something? Oh, wait, you actually did, didn’t you. Ahaha. Ah, putting that aside though, did you know it’s my birthday today?

24/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Shidou: ……I’m worried about Sakurai-kun. I haven’t seen him around in a while. You’ve been talking with him, right?

Mu: He’s fine. Here, look. I’ve been taking his food to him like this every day. Isn’t that great of me?

Shidou: Yes, very. I’m sorry I’ve been leaving it to you to look after him. Usually, that would be the job of us adults, and yet we’re leaving you with the burden.

Mu: Don’t worry about it. After all, me and Haruka-kun are friends.

"Are you planning to tell me 'that's not what friendship is'? Then what is it? It's about sticking together because it's beneficial to everyone involved isn't it?"

And they wound up paying for it.

The fact is that Mu knew he was suicidal just as much as Es did and for just as long as Es did. She decided not tell anyone else or try to stop him. In fact, she assured everyone else he was fine. Sure, he wasn't going out much, but he's fine-

"See look Mu is taking food to him right now. Look at this nice plate she made for him. Isn't Mu a great girl, isn't Mu helping, isn't Mu useful, isn't Mu indispensable. "

Okay, but we like all asked about Haruka. We all asked how he was, and you consistently assured us he was fine.

The first person outside of Mu amongst the prisoners to find out about Haruka's plan was Kotoko. And, well, we all saw how that went. He told her that he was going to cause harm to himself and she laughed in his face. She was delighted at the information the only downside was since he was taking himself out she couldn't do it. If only more criminals were like him though that'd be good.

After that no one else even cared enough to check in on him outside of Futa repeatedly, and Shidou once probably long after Haruka had already done it. You know who was there long before anyone else, who he viewed as a mother, someone who could have given him alternatives, told him what to do, and he would have listened to. Someone who could have done all that as his friend and just as a person who cared about his mental and physical wellbeing. Or just as a person who didn't want to watch someone die right in front of them if they could help it. In the ways she pretended to care in front of the others she lives with?

Mu.

Why the fuck would Kotoko care? It makes sense for her to find it funny, laugh, and do nothing to stop whatever plan Haruka may have had.

23/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……please, don’t tell anyone. And also, please, don’t get involved. All I can do, is ask, you……

Kotoko: ––Fufu, fufufufufu. That’s a crazy thing to be thinking. Honestly, it’s weird. But I don’t hate it. If only all the wrongdoers were like you.

Haruka: No…… that’s wrong…… That’s not, why I’m doing, this…… This, isn’t for me…… I have to protect…… so, Kotoko-san…… please……

Kotoko: Eh? Ah, yeah, yeah. Well, I promise I won’t get in your way. Honestly, if I could, I’d love to do it myself, but I’ll step back this time. As for what happens next…… I wonder. It depends on Es.

She's Kotoko! Again- Her entire second song is going I fucking hate all these other people being here. Come on?

"They're still here, still here, it grates me."

And her first one has this in it,

"The normalcy sought for, fading away- Every time death comes the soul moves forward."/ "Laugh and I can get to like myself.'

"––Fufu, fufufufufu. That’s a crazy thing to be thinking. Honestly, it’s weird. But I don’t hate it. If only all the wrongdoers were like you."

At that point, by some sick form of coincidence, he's doing her a favor too without even recognizing it. Like she has no solid character motivation to give a fuck or lift a finger to stop him and every character motivation not to. She is the worst person he could have told about this. She's is popping the biggest bottles in her cell after this conversation.

But you know who has it the roughest? Futa. Not only had he been going out of his way to check on Haruka. If the last time we saw Haruka is also the day he died then Haruka just killed himself straight up on Futa's fucking birthday.

And the last conversation Futa had with him after being concerned and trusting in Mu was him begging the guy in frustration to do anything else.

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka.

Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do.

Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you……

Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

He got past Mu, came into Haruka's room, probably saw what Haruka had come up with to do it and then literally went you can just come with me, you can be saved too. You don't have to do this there are options I'm listing them- He starts this giving alternatives. He's trying and it becomes clearer and clearer Haruka just isn't going to listen to him.

There's nothing he can say. He can't do anything either.

He can't restrain Haruka. Like many thought he'd be restrained after his second trial Guilty verdict. Stating that if we just voted Haruka Guilty he'd be restrained, unable to harm himself, and then we'd be able to vote Mu however we wanted with that threat no longer above our heads. Because he'd be restrained he wouldn't be able to harm himself.

Futa couldn't just tie Haruka's restraints around him all by himself and lock him in his cell until the guard woke up. Like Es Futa is smaller than Haruka while not being protected by the same measures Es is. So, he wasn't gonna throw hands with him and win that's for sure.

5'4 Futa was not winning a fight against I can kill anything smaller than me 5'7 Haruka. Yet he tried and what can you really say when you go in and check on someone you've been living with for years after months of attempting to while being told they're fine by the person closest to them who you believed then you see the state they're in and hear the plan they have to end themselves.

In the moment we didn't know what Haruka was going to do.

We don't have a tone when it comes to the timelines. But now in hindsight how gut wrenching this must have been. How upset he must have sounded. How defeated his name calling must have sounded to Haruka.

This is the difference in tone between The Last Goodbye and Space Was So Cool with hindsight. If you now ya know.

This is the sort of angst one can only feel in hindsight. It is ridiculous how hard this timeline goes now. No one can imagine being in the situation Futa was fucking in here. Seeing someone you know unraveled to the extent Haruka was where he could see no other option forward but this.

To know that whatever you say won't be heard to know that you don't even have the power to stop them.

How defeated and useless he must have felt. How absolutely helpless he must have felt during this. Standing there knowing if he could just get him out of this room, if he could just convince him to go somewhere else for even a second things could have been different now. Wondering all at once what if I came in here back then instead of just asking Mu about him, what if I stepped in earlier, what if I checked in more would I have been able to stop this.

To recognize how unhelpful what Haruka was choosing to do was for him. How it was a disservice to Haruka's very own personhood. How this wouldn't save him. All while having no power to convince him not to do it. Nobody understands how heartbreaking that could have been for him. After getting to know this dude and living with him for several years. After saying he didn't have the luxury to care about others and he wasn't a kid anyway then going right back to showing concern because that's how much he actually cared.

Despite us never seeing Haruka do the same thing for him when he was Guilty.

You're telling me no one is seeing how tragic this shit is. No one. This is an angst goldmine. I don't go in the tag so maybe there's a fucking avalanche of angst art on this timeline now. All of Futa pleading with him to just leave just get out of there and try something else be saved another way then devolving into calling him stupid in tears because it's the only recourse he has.

He can't stop him.

He can only say childish insults because how else is he going to know how stupid this all is. Then Haruka's I know and thank you for being so kind after how everyone else responded to Haruka's plan.

IT JUST HITS DIFFERENT NOW OKAY!

It hits different and doesn't deserve to hit this different but it fucking does okay. It just fucking does. Can you imagine the anguish? Because I can. It's ridiculous.

Sure he may not have been broken up about it. Maybe we'll find out later he wasn't and he didn't try to stop him at all. Yet, he's the only one who offered any other alternative. Any out. He was the only one he said not only through his words but actions don't do this.

He may have been leveled about the situation but the range of emotion that can be gleaned from this timeline now. Knowing what we know now- Is amazing! It's impressive. It is a literal playground of emotional depth.

No matter what parts of the story you touch on in hindsight it just gets more compelling.

Like that's nasty (positive connotation here)- Yamanaka was on some shit writing and making this. That's fucked up on his birthday. Futa's birthday?! He has to think about this every birthday now. Just thinking back on the dynamics between all of the characters mentioned here and how they grew over the course of these trials along with the ways they ended.

Haruka going from not even being able to speak to Kotoko to confiding in her.

Futa going from wanting to look out for Haruka and Mikoto to in a way losing both of them. Having to wonder if that concern is still there now after everything with Haruka.

Mu going from barely talking to Haruka to being the person closest to him and a driving force in some of the biggest choices he made. It's all really impressive character work. That will only get easier to appreciate the series progresses and after it ends.

[rosurie]

Noé and Damsel relationship chart ♡

Damsel's Relationship Breakdowns:

Noé - "My precious baby brother Noé ♡"

- Noémie and Damsel are thick as thieves. she's also kinda the reason he has such a skewed view of romance, whoopsies ♡. Noé is precious to her, and she let's him get away with far more than anyone else in the orphanage. her precious baby brother that occasionally gets her off ♡

Kylar - "My cute little pet!"

- Kylar is obsessed with her. she finds that hilarious. she loves Kylar in her own twisted little way, but if we're being honest, most of what she feels for Kylar is just a lust-filled power high. despite this, she is incredibly possessive of Kylar. she'd further isolate him if he even considered falling out of love with her. she craves the validation he provides. Kylar thinks she's a perfect angel who can do no wrong.

Whitney - "My bitch ♡"

- Whitney wants to fuck her so bad it makes her look stupid. Damsel is aware of this. she thinks it's sooo funny. Damsel feels this odd mixture of actually liking Whit as a friend sometimes and wanting to beat her ass on the daily. Ultimately Damsel thinks she's kind of pathetic and that she purposefully picks fights for her to humiliate her. cute ♡

Robin - "Don't fly too far, Robin. You owe me."

- Damsel resents Robin as much as she cares about him. Robin thinks Damsel is amazing and feels indebted to her, plus he has a crush. Damsel takes advantage of that. She teases him a lot and keeps him at low confidence because it makes her feel more powerful. it's the least he could do for her.

IW - "Who...were we?"

- Damsel is...wary of The Wraith. she's interacted with them enough to know they have some sort of connection..but what is it? she is The Wraith's precious pearl. she's not sure what they mean by that. she's also pretty sure she's seen them before, in those months where she had disappeared.

Harper - "Doctor Harper..."

- very mixed feelings. on one hand, he did help her post-reappearance. on the other hand, he very clearly is the shadiest fucking doctor she's ever seen. but also she thinks he's kinda pathetic for attempting to hypnotize her into kissing him and performing sexual acts on him. she thinks that's cute ♡. Harper thinks she's lovely, she was pretty compliant during her treatment. shame she doesn't come around much anymore.

Niki - "I think I'm in love with you. I have to die."

- Damsel is so down bad for Niki that it genuinely embarasses her. if anyone ever found out how often she thinks of Niki, she'd die immediately. she's going stir crazy thinking about him. Niki thinks she's cute and a great model. they like her more than they let on.

Landry - "She's almost like a mom! or an older sister."

- Landry and Damsel have a very playful relationship. they both tease Mickey when they're together and Damsel thinks Landry is a pretty nice woman, all things considered. Landry thinks it's a little odd how many important documents and items Damsel manages to her her hands on and to sell, but hey, she hasn't gotten caught so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Bailey - "I hate you. [I don't]."

- Complicated feelings. She doesn't like other people demanding money from her and she doesn't like how quick he is to try to literally sell her. but...she was very attached to him as a kid and that's hard to shake off. [she also thinks he's hot but she'd jump from a building before admitting that]. Bailey thinks she's reliable. sometimes he still looks out for her.

Noémie's Relationship Breakdowns:

Damsel - "My tiny older sis ♡. I'll keep you safe."

- he does everything he can to keep her safe. he also feels a bit entitled to parts of her but I go into that more here. Damsel was the first person he attached to at the orphanage and some things never change. despite not being around her much physically during the week, he does seem to always know how to find her if he needs to.

Robin - "We grew up together. You should be less naive."

- he's noticed Robin's attachment to Damsel but he doesn't really bother with it. Robin isn't a threat. Robin tends to see Noémie as an extension of Damsel because they interact him in similar ways and so he's got a very confusing boner for Noé.

Kylar - "You're not good enough for my sister. You're lucky she likes you."

- if he could get rid of Kylar without Damsel being upset, he would. he doesn't think Kylar is worth any of Damsel's time, even if she's just using him. Kylar views Noé as a roadblock to Damsel and him living happily ever after. he's partially right (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶).

Sydney - "Fall into my arms, I'll guide you."

- Sydney is naive and pliable, the perfect subject to convert into his devotee. he wants to drive Sydney into calamity just to be her savior so he can be her new god. Sydney's low-key losing it because of his teasing and she's falling hard.

Jordan - "You seem so innocent for someone in such high regard. Curious."

- so curious about Jordan. how can someone so innocent be a priest for this fucked ass Temple?? wants to ruin Jordan but also thinks he's fun like this. likes to subtly flirt with him because Jordan is very easily flustered. Jordan thinks Noé is sweet and kind! even if he can be a bit of a smooth talker. he's choosing to ignore how that affects him.

Bailey - "I spent a lot of time around you when Damsel and I were young. You seemed so different then."

- he gets pissed off when Bailey attempts to sell off Damsel [before she made bank of course]. there's still some bitterness there, but he also still thinks of Bailey as that guy Damsel used to cling to and admire so he's not completely on his shit list. Bailey doesn't like to be around him too long because the air around him is always ice cold, but Noé pays his dues so he doesn't have any strong feelings about him.

Relationships I didn't add so the chart didn't get too confusing

- Noé is very interested in The Wraith and their interest in Damsel. however he's also like...please stop trying to impregnate my sister with your parasite babies ♡

- Noé likes Niki [btw my Niki is amab but uses he/they pronouns so if you see me hopping between those now you know why]. they treat Damsel well and she doesn't get harassed nearly as much in his photography studio. he's Noé approved.

- despite her bad blood with the Temple, Damsel actually really likes Jordan! she feels a bit bad that she doesn't visit him more often. also she low-key wants to get in his pants but she's choosing to ignore that.