#(like it's vitamins in dog food)

[koloquials]

[ author ] 🖋 bird one: this is the wrong story. bird two: all stories are the wrong story if you are impatient.

[red-dyed-sarumane]

its quick its easy and its free! skipping every meal for 4 days straight! surely u will not regret skipping every meal for 4 days straight ( do not do this)

[todayisafridaynight]

what do you think the arakawa fam r like with like. food. like in general. is masato particular abt texture. does masumi put too much salt in everything. does Jo like not eat because he hates himself

jo definitely does not eat because he hates himself why do you think they got tsutsumi to play him. man's thin as a rail it's perfect casting

BUT with arakawa you won't catch him dead eating anything less than eye-catching or remarkable. keywords being Catch Him i know my man would like a burger .... it's just appearances and all ... truly is not as high maintenance as he presents himself when in the privacy of his home

i have an essay about masato and his diet/food preferences but i'll keep it tl;dr and say he's a pampered house cat. do not even breathe the word 'take out' to him he'll shrivel up and vomit on the floor. homecooked meals were as healthy as arakawa and sawashiro could make them so the second masato had the chance to try Actual Food that didnt taste like watered almonds that probably solidified his villain origin story. once he got to taste pork bacon instead of turkey bacon for the first time it was all over.

[fireheartedpup]

Looking up foods in relation to afib and they're basically like, "You should limit basically everything. Yeah it's everything that's readily available and easy to eat and all the foods you love. We don't really know what's going on, but you should exercise more! Good luck."

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

you really admitted to feeding your pet Rachel Ray brand while discouraging people from using vet approved brands huh

Yes, anon. Because that is the food my veterinarian recommended for my dogs, you ninny.

this is what I feed my dogs, again, something discussed with my vet, who I would imagine knows more about pet nutrition than you do.

[stewystew]

In the best in show au stewy exclusively feeds his dog people food

[nerefee]

my favorite trick i learned working at the vet is to sprinkle a lil bit of nutritional yeast on top of the cat food when your cats refuse to eat, they fucking love that shit

[vrystalius]

Hey babess, i have quite the heartwarming request.

So imagine that wife reader is heavily and her water randomly breaks so ofc she gives birth with the help of shinobu(i love her so much) and other midwives ofc. So how would the hashias react during the late stages of pregnancy and birth??

Hear me outtt, what if preg reader was pregnant with twins(im a big family girl lol, i had to let that out). Stuff stuff

Hashira’s reactions during your pregnancy

You’re heavily pregnant. How will your husband react?

Note: I didn’t include the gender and names of the babies, so you can choose the genders and names yourself!

Pairing: Sanemi, Kyojuro, Gyomei, Giyu x fem!reader

Includes: Food cravings, mood swings, sickness, talking to the baby, birth and a little bonus scenario in the end (different for every hashira)

Words: 5.1k, enjoy!

Sanemi Shinazugawa

Food cravings

What? You want to eat ohagi again? Sure it’s Sanemi’s favourite food, but you’ve insisted on eating ohagi for every day the past week. The baby needs some vegetables, fruits, vitamins and whatever else. Just anything but ohagi!

He couldn’t even watch when you proceeded to devour sweet potatoes with a chocolate sauce. The worst part is that Sanemi is the main chef of this household and was forced to cook all kinds of monstrosities for you during your pregnancy. But he never said a word about it and just silently judged you for even asking him to bake a whole fish just so you can covered it in sliced fruits and chocolate sauce.

“Are ya sure you’re not poisoning our baby? Are ya really, really sure?”

Sometimes, Sanemi’ll try to sneak in healthy foods into your diet like one would to with a toddler. He’d chop the vegetables as small as possible and try to feed them to you in bits by bits by incorporating them into your favourite foods. You weirdly enough never noticed how your ohagis began to taste like carrots more and more.

“What? No. I’m making them like always. I.. just used the same knife for both carrots and the beans of the ohagi… Whatcha looking at me like that for??”

Mood swings

It’s very confusing to Sanemi how you can be happily munching on your snacks in one moment and then began crying about a dog wandering the streets, thinking someone abandoned him. He’s putting up with it, though. He’d would take you into his arms and try to explain to you that no, that dog is not living on the street and that it belongs to the nice old lady that lives just down the street. He gets a little nervous every time you get emotional when standing in the nursery and inspect all the prepared toys and clothes. Why are you crying so hard? Do you not want a baby? Or are you just this excited to have one?

He doesn’t get your mood swings but’ll try his best to give you reassurance and support. Even though Sanemi’ll be a little awkward and just hover around you in fear of triggering another random emotion in you.

“Hey, darling… how about we move to the bedroom? The nursey is makin’ ya emotional. You’re gonna loose control over ya bladder and I’m gonna be forced to clean after ya. Again.”

But most of the time, Sanemi’ll get soft when you get emotional over the baby stuff like this. Sometimes, he’ll sneak into the nursery during the nights he can’t sleep and rumage all the baby’s things. Sanemi would look through all the neatly folded baby clothes Giyu send over and the toys Tengen’s wives made themselves for the baby. He can’t help but get a little teary-eyed himself, leaning against the crib and looking down at the soft mattress below. He just can’t want to have a little baby in there.

“Fuck, don’t sneak up on me like that! A-And ‘m not cryin’, I-I’m just checkin’ on the crib. Y’know, if it looks stable and shit. It gotta handle our fatass baby.”

Talking to the baby

Sanemi loves to lay his head against your stomach and just listen to the baby’s heart beat. His hand would gently caress your stomach while mumbling against your skin.

“Whatcha doing in there, hm? Why are you kicking your mommy? You’re hurting her, y’know.”

It’s a weird sight, seeing a strong man like him baby talking to your stomach while having his cheek pressed up against your belly. He’d take at least one hour in his day just to talk to your baby and tell it aaaalll about your and his day.

“Your mom threw up onto our new carpet and that’s your fault, you know that, right? I’m gonna kick your ass for it one day. Maybe when you become a shitbag in your teenage years.”

Sickness

“In both sickness and in health,” and Sanemi meant that wholeheartedly after speaking those words out loud during your wedding. Even if that means sitting beside you in the middle of the night, holding your hair and patting your back while you throw your guts up. He’s sleepy, he’s tired, but he won’t return to back without you. If Sanemi has to, he’ll cook up some tea or soup for you to calm your stomach. He’d even break Shinobu’s door down for some herbs or medicine if it means making you feel better and cuddling you back to sleep with no worries.

“You’re okay, I’m here. Don’t hold back.”

If you’re throwing up for a while, Sanemi might fall asleep in the hunched over position while holding your hair behind your head, his hand still firmly resting on your shoulder in quiet support. He jumps back awake when you throw up violently again.

“Ugh, you good? Told you seaweed n’ cherries don’t go together…”

Birth

Sanemi wanted to complete one last mission before retiring for good. He noticed how his muscles were starting to soften up and the callouses in his hands began to disappear. Just one last mission, then he’ll become a full-time dad! He promised you it’ll be for just three nights and that Shinobu will be looking out for you while he’s gone. You two can talk about preparations, body changes and whatever you two always talk about.

He was close to tracking this scum demon down when he received a message from his crow about you going into labour. Sanemi wanted to go on a mission one time, just one time! Can’t you hold the baby in or something until he comes home? He knows that he has to behead this demon before coming home. That thing already did enough harm and he didn’t want to retire on a bad note by ditching his final mission. So, Sanemi proceeded to chase the demon down while steaming in anger. He wanted to go on a mission just ONE last time, damnit!!

“COME BACK HERE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!! MY WIFE’S GIVIN’ BIRTH, WHILE I’M CHASING YOUR SORRY ASS!!”

Shinobu helped you through the whole process of giving birth. The contractions and labour lasted for almost half a day, and you managed to almost broke two of the three butterfly girl’s hand in an attempt to release some pain. You were supposed to hold Sanemi’s hand and almost break his bones while giving birth, not theirs! Shinobu kept reassuring you that Sanemi surely is already on his way! Surely. She had her soft smile on her face the whole time while you pushed and screamed through the pain, reassuring you and offering all kinds of ways to relieve pain during the whole process.

After Sanemi returned from his missions, he was staring at two babies in your arms. His eyes darted back in forth from the one to another. The baby on your left had beautiful white hair and was squirming around a lot, grabbing your robes and was seemingly already complaining about the lack of feeding you’re doing. The other baby had darker hair and was much calmer. It was asleep, resting against your chest.

His heart shattered in a million pieces after processing what just happened. In a good way, that is. He never commented on it, but Sanemi did notice that you were a little bigger for being pregnant with only one baby. He just brushed it off as being a bit bloated or the baby being really big, but never that it were two babies that were hogging all the food you were devouring. Sanemi was bawling his eyes out while holding both of his babies in his arms for the first time. They’re so tiny, so cute and chubby! How could anyone not love them? He was barely able to speak while trying to express how much he loves you and is so glad that you and the babies are fine. This is everything he had ever hoped for: a perfect wive, a family home and two kids. If only his other siblings were here to celebrate this moment with him. Perhaps he’ll allow Genya to visit every now and then.

“I-I- *hic* W-We need an-another- *hic* … the crib’s not b-big enough- f-for- *hic* gah, f-fuck!! *hic*

Bonus: A tight crib

You noticed how Sanemi insisted on putting the babies back to sleep every time they woke up during the night for anything. You usually fall back asleep and wake up in the mornings back in his arms, but tonight, you wanted to wait until he returns to bed to cuddle him. After the babies quieted down and your husband didn’t return, you dragged yourself out of bed and stepped into the nursery, only to find Sanemi laying inside the cramped crib, having the baby lay on one side and the other on the other. He was laying in an extremely uncomfortable position, with hid neck bend at an awkward angle and him laying in the crib with his legs dangling out over the edge. You couldn’t help but giggle a little, seeing your husband scarfing his own comfort for his babies.

“Nemi?…”

Your whispering made his eyes flutter open. His face contorting into a tired scowl.

“It’s the only way to put ‘em to sleep, not my fault they like me so much.”

Now, are the babies attached to their papa, or is Sanemi being very attached to them?

Kyojuro Rengoku

Food cravings

Whatever you’d like to eat, he’ll provide! Sometimes, if the combinations you come up with sound appetising enough, Kyojuro’ll even try some the foods alongside you! He will not judge you for craving weird foods during your pregnancies, but he is a little worried about your choices. You need to make sure that you eat enough nutrients for you and the baby! Kyojuro’ll try his best to cook up something nice for you, but he ends up buying take-out and feeding that to you instead. He’s scared he might burn something or accidentally poison you, so he’d rather leave food up to the chefs.

“I brought some tempura, some soup dumplings, ramen, udon noodles, mushed and baked sweet and regular potatoes. Oh! And some dessert… Mochi, dango and a slice of cake! Everything you ordered, my flame!”

Shinjuro, after finding out about your pregnancy, would offer to cook for you sometime. He used to make meals for Ruka while she was pregnant, so he thought he might make himself useful and help out. Kyojuro’s father actually vowed to stop with the drinking to make sure his grandkid doesn’t grow up around a drunk grandpa, so this is a first nice step for him. Besides, he feels guilty for being so terrible to Senjuro and Kyojuro.

His meals are surprisingly very well made and tasty. They soothe your nausea, lessen the swelling in the feet and help a lot with your headaches.

“Father, I never knew you could cook this good!” “Shut up and eat your plate.”

Mood swings

Kyojuro feels like he’s causing your mood swings sometimes. He feels guilty when you start crying over little things, like how your favourite tree is starting to change colours in the leaves, or just how much you missed your husband after him leaving for half an hour to get you dinner. He’s used to comforting Senjuro while the two grew up together, so he might know a thing about holding someone. Kyojuro would pull you closer and place lots of kisses on your head and top of your head, rubbing your shoulder with his warm hands. His warmth is very comforting to you, making you calm down a little.

“Are you feeling unwell? What made you so upset, love?”

He’ll try to cheer you up by talking about baby names. In his family, most of the names sound similar and end with an “juro”. Shinjuro, Senjuro, Kyojuro… how about Tojuro? Sounds nice, doesn’t it!? Or how about Kijuro? Or how about you combine your first letters with Juro? That sounds very fitting! And see, your tears are already gone!

“I’m not sure if we should think about girl’s names, my love! My family birthed sons for generations now! But we can write some down if you like, just in case.”

Sickness

Seeing you sick makes Kyojuro nervous, but he’ll stay beside you during your morning sicknesses and nausea. You kind of remind him of his mother, back when she was in the late stages of her sickness, that’s why he gets a little jumpy when you hunch over the toilet snd wretch your guts out. He’ll hold your hair and gently caress your back, silently hovering beside you.

To make sure you don’t have to get out of bed in the middle of the night to throw up, Kyojuro equipped your nightstand with a bowl you can throw up into anytime you felt nausea hitting you.

“I’ll make some tea for you once you get nauseous again, okay? My mother’s recipe.”

Talking to the baby

Kyojuro loves to talk to your stomach as if the baby is already out and able to talk back. He’d sit beside you in bed, gently caressing the side of your stomach while grinning brightly.

“What kind of hair will you have, hm? Like mine? Or like mom’s?”

Sometimes, he’ll try to convince the baby to let you sleep for once. If you can’t sleep, Kyojuro can’t sleep. He’d lay his head on your chest and sleepily mumble to the stomach while slowly rubbing your sides.

“You’re quite the active one, hm?.. mh.. How about we go to sleep together, okay? Be a good kid and give your mommy some rest…”

Birth

When your water first broke, Kyojuro thought the baby might’ve kicked your bladder or something, causing you to leak. But the horror on your face that followed soon after changed his mind in an instant. He sent out a crow to Shinobu, notifying her about your labour, but it might take a while until she arrives. In the meantime, your husband prepared all the things for a homebirth. You probably wont be able to reach the butterfly mansion in time to give birth there, but in the meantime, would you like water? Food? Sweets? A towel? Maybe not the last one because you’re able to hit him with that. You’re very angry about him impregnating you nine months ago while being in painful labour right now.

Shinobu surprisingly arrived very quickly and got right to work. Her soft voice and kind words as encouragement managed to calm you down as far as to not curse Kyojuro and all his ancestors out. Your anger directed at him actually helped you press the baby, so your husband happily sat there and held your hand while you were attempting to break it while redirecting your pain

Finally, after hours on hours of labour, Shinobu’s encouragement and Kyojuro’s hand turning blue from blood being cut off, you birthed two identical twins. Both had your husband’s flamboyant hair colour and prominent eyebrows. Your husband was trembling and crying after seeing them for the first time. His babies, his kids! And two of them?? In one go?? This couldn’t have gone any better. For around the next hour, while your babies were nursing on you, he kept thanking you for everything you ever did for him.

“I-I love you! I-I love y-you! Th-Thank you for marrying m-me, my fl-flame! Than-Thank you for giving me t-two babies! Thank y-you! T-Thank you!!”

Bonus: Tasty hair

Your babies are for some reason obsessed with your husband’s hair. Maybe it’s because of how bright his hair is or how nice it is to chew on it. You caught Kyojuro offering his baby his hair to hold and play around with, only for it to start pulling tightly on it. It hurts a little and he’s not quite sure how his baby got this strength out of nowhere, but he’s incredibly happy that his baby likes his hair so much!

But he also learned that the twins prefer their grandpa’s hair a little more over his. Shinjuro doesn’t appreciate it as much as Kyojuro is, though. He tolerates them pulling on his hair but doesn’t like it. At all. He’ll glare at his son until he finally takes his baby away from his damn hair! His scalp is already burning!

(But we all know that Shinjuro takes them back into his arms on purpose to tickle their stomachs and to let them pull on his hair as they please. They’re just too cute!)

“My flame, could you help me remove our child? This one seems particularly fascinated by the taste of my shampoo!”

Gyomei Himejima

Food cravings

Gyomei will not always give into your odd cravings. Instead, he’ll try to redirect your cravings to tastier things. He’s worried that you don’t get enough nourishment for the baby and for yourself, so Gyomei’ll try to feed you healthy foods instead of eating the creations you came up with. Why do you even thought about eating pieces of clay you picked up from right next to the waterfall? You’re lucky Genya caught you before you managed to take a bite.

To be completely honest, Gyomei is incredibly worried that you’re eating things you aren’t supposed to eat while he’s not watching/listening.

“Love, what are you chewing?”

His calm and deep voice makes you stop munching on the raw onion and immediately put it back down onto the counter of the kitchen.

Gyomei insists on cooking for you, even if he’s blind. He’s surprisingly good with cooking and always manages to slip vegetables into the meals in the tastiest way possible! You somehow never notice and just are incredibly happy that he takes some time out of his day just to cook meals for you! Sometimes, Genya joins in when you two eat and just chats with you about your husband’s training and his big brother. He’s also very curious about your pregnancy and how you’re coming along. That boy is just as excited about your baby as your husband is! Genya even gifted you one of his best bonsai trees to keep in the nursery!

“Miss Himejima, are you still hungry? You can have my plate if you like, I’m going to meet up with Tanjiro to eat later in the city together anyway.”

Mood swings

Gyomei understands that your hormones are going a little crazy during your pregnancy, but he still gets a little surprised when your mood changes so suddenly. You get emotional mostly over Genya and how hard he’s training to make up with his brother. You cry everytime when you see him train hard under Gyomei. Your husband finds it kind how much empathy you’re feeling for that boy, but the poor boy can’t really concentrate when a crying pregnant lady watching him train. So, your husband suggested you to not watch them train as much anymore and instead do something else. As compensation, Gyomei promises you to tell you everything he and Genya have been doing that day.

Sometimes, when you get angry out of nowhere, Gyomei’ll just let you throw your little tantrum while listening you silently. After you finished, he might suggest exorcising you as a joke to lighten your mood, but his serious tone and unmoving expression made him look like he’s serious. Wich makes you cry.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m not going to exorcise you, I promise, my pearl. I would only do that in the extrem case.”

Sickness

Gyomei knows how to deal with sicknesses and nausea. Once you express feeling sick in any way, he’ll prepare a special herbal tea, open up all the windows for fresh air, feed you crackers and dry food, and of course, equip you with a bowl to vomit into just in case. He’ll sit with you in bed, your head laying on his thighs and his palm resting on your forehead, slowly petting your hair.

He’s mumbling quiet prayers for you and your baby, his deep and smooth voice calming your stomach slowly. Gyomei’d smile softly while having his eyes closed. You told him that his smile is always making you calm, so he’s trying to smile more often for you.

“How are you feeling? I can brew you another cup if you like, it’ll help you.”

Talking to the baby

Gyomei barely talks to the baby while you’re awake. He’ll sometimes lean down and mumble a couple of greetings and kind words before moving on with his day, but when you fall asleep at night, your husband likes to have one-on-one conversation with his child. He’d have his large palm resting on your belly, rubbing it up and down. Gyomei sometimes nuzzles into your sides and places a few kisses on the side before talking.

He’d be praying first, making sure that the baby is alright and’ll come healthy into the world. Then, he’d quietly talk about you. Your husband’ll talk about the things you like to do, about how emotional you get over Genya, how you pout everytime he leaves early in the mornings to train, how much he loves you and how you insisted on get even more toys, even though the toybox is already filled to the brim.

“We are both very excited to meet you… please be more kind to your mother until birth. Her bladder is not as strong during the pregnancy, so do not test it again.”

Birth

Gyomei was praying the whole time he was waiting outside the chambers of where you were currently yelling in pain. His eyes were closed in concentration and his palms rubbing together, his red pearly beads wrapped around his hands. He could hear every mumble of Shinobu to Aoi, every curse you’re throwing around and every bed creak after changing the position. Shinobu suggested that Gyomei should wait outside since he’s quite large and they need more space to move around you. You promised to him that you’ll be fine on your own. He has been crying and praying, crying and praying the whole time for you and the baby, until finally, everything got quiet. Your cries died down, but there wasn’t any signs of a baby crying either. Gyomei was silent, stopping his prayers for a moment.

Until finally, first one baby, then another started to cry out. Two? You were carrying two miracles in your stomach all this time? Shinobu permitted Gyomei back inside and allowed him to meet the babies for the first time. They felt so incredibly tiny in his arms, so so tiny and fragile… The babies are the most precious things, and he felt like the luckiest man in all of history, holding his babies in his arms. His voice was very shaky and more tears than usual were running down his face.

“My love. I thank you for all eternity for giving me this gift… thank you. I am incredibly grateful for everything you have ever done for me.”

Bonus: Who’s who?

Given that Gyomei’s blind, he has always relied on his senses to move through the world. But funnily to you, his senses fail to differentiate wich baby is who. Sometimes you catch your husband holding one of the babies, standing silently there, thinking about who exactly he’s holding right now.

“Need some help, dear?”

Your voice made him turn his head towards you, smiling slightly.

“Yes, I already fed one of our twins. I went to retrieve more milk and lost track of wich one I already fed.”

His voice sounded a little confused but also slightly amused. Stepping closer, you saw how the baby that was laying in the crib was uneasy and wiggling it’s legs around, while the one Gyomei was holding was calm and content. You figured that the squirmy one wasn’t fed yet and took the sleepy baby out of your husband’s arms, setting it back into the crib and taking out the other.

“Here, this one seems hungry, hm? Aren’t you?”

You sweet-talked the baby a little, tickling the little stomach, making it giggle and kick against your husband a little. Gyomei nodded quietly.

“Thank you. I have yet to figure out how to differentiate our twins properly.”

Giyu Tomioka

Food cravings

He’s a little confused out by your requests that keep getting weirder and weirder. Are you sure you want to eat that? If Giyu would eat that, he’d be throwing up. Oh wait, you actually are vomiting up regularly…

Giyu will give you everything you asked for, but hesitantly. Before placing the plate down, he’d eye you up and down, judging you heavily for what he’s about to dish you. His silent judging eyes are enough to second guess your life choices that made you ask your poor husband to cook mashed potatoes mixed in with strawberry yogurt and sakura mochi with fish filling. Perhaps you’ll take the miso soup instead.

Sometimes, he’ll get so worried he approached Shinobu by himself and asked if there’s any medication he can give to you to make you crave less weird things and eat more healthy. Sadly, there is nothing like that, so Giyu’ll eventually resolved to force feed you regular foods instead. He’ll sit you down and feed stir fried veggies, rice, eggs, soup, tea, dessert and whatnot. Anything else but the monstrosity you keep craving.

One time, he caught you mixing chocolate sauce and soup together in the middle of the night. Giyu was just standing in the doorframe, looking utterly defeated and distraught at your actions.

“I love you, but can you stop poisoning our baby? I want it coming out of you alive.”

Mood swings

Giyu feels like he’s the reason you feel upset so suddenly. Perhaps he should’ve cleaned the house more, or finally finish building that crib. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so angry so randomly. He still is quite surprised how quickly your emotions can change from happy to sobbing about the cuteness of the teddybear Giyu brought home for the baby. It’s confusing.

He’ll try to comfort you the best he can, but your husband already struggled to comfort you when you’re not pregnant and had real reasons to cry about, so how is Giyu supposed to comfort you when you sob over the rice being undercooked?

He’ll just awkwardly pull you into a side-hug, rubbing your shoulders gently.

“Do you want chocolate? I heard people eat chocolate when sad. Or do you just want a hug?”

Sickness

You throwing up and being sick is making Giyu sick. While you throw up into the toilet, your husband would hold your hair back while leaning over the sink, trying not to vomit himself. After your morning sickness passes, he still remains crouched over the sink for a moment longer before preparing a ginger tea for the both of you. He’ll lay in bed for a while, cuddling the blanket while sipping on his tea. He looks like a wet, depressed cat, sipping on his tea with a straw while lying on his stomach like that. He mostly recovers after finishing his tea, but sometimes, he gets really sick. You’ll be forced to take care of your nauseous husband who is supposed to be taking care of you right now! How is he supposed to handle watching you birth your child? How can he slay demons but is not able to watch you throw up?

“Love… can you get me another cup of ginger tea? I’m getting sick again…”

Talking to the baby

Giyu didn’t start talking to your baby until you encouraged him to do so. You told him that talking to the baby creates a bond before it’s even born! So, he’ll slowly start conversations with your belly. He’s not sweet-talking to your stomach, but instead awkwardly holding a conversation with it as if he’s speaking to an adult. Giyu’d sit across you on the bed, his hands propped on his thighs, leaning forward slightly.

“So… how is it like inside the womb? When do you want to come out and meet your mom and dad?”

Birth

Giyu was very panicked when you went into labor. He send out a crow to Shinobu immediately and began assembling something similar to a throne made out of towels and blankets. He forced you to sit down and make yourself comfortable while he waiting on the porch to see when the butterfly hashira is coming. His grip was to tight on the fence of the engawa, he accidentally shattered the wood.

He tried to watch you giving birth, but once he saw the head slowly press out of you, he couldn’t anymore. Giyu held your hand in support and let you squeeze as hard as you want, but he was turned away your lower body, facing you instead. Once he heard the baby’s cries fill the room, he snapped his head around in an instant.

Your husband almost fainted when he saw another baby slowly squeeze out of you. Shinobu handed Giyu the first baby, wich was already wrapped in a towel, so she could direct her attention back to the second baby. His head felt dizzy while holding his baby, not able to comprehend that he’s about to be the father of two. He only build one crib, there’s no room for another. Is he even capable of raising two kids? What if they outnumber and team up on him once they grow up? Now he has twice the chance to fail at parenting and become a bad father!

But once your husband held both babies, all his worries washed away. It was like he was in some sort of trance, watching the babies just sleep and squirm around a little. Giyu didn’t even notice how he started crying until his tears fell onto one of his baby’s forehead and started crying.

“Ahh… uhm. How do you calm a baby down? Do you just rock it? Uhm. Help me, please-“

Bonus: How are you supposed to know what they want?

You watch your husband stress out over why the baby is crying for so many times already, and they’re only two weeks old. You caught him talking to your baby multiple times, just straight up asking what they want. He’s slowly starting to get desperate and you can see it.

“You want food?… No? You wanna be held? Maybe… play? Also no? What do you want then?”

Somehow, only you could understand when and what your babies want. Giyu watches in awe as you immediately figure out that the baby wants to be held and fed, and how quickly they calm down afterwards. You’re just magical, truly.

“How do you know? What do you know that I don’t?”

💠

Phew, this took a while to write! Hope you enjoyed this anon! I tried to incorporate the requested things in this ask from another post of mine, but I might’ve forgotten some. Anyways, my posts haven’t gotten much traction lately, so I hope this one’ll do a little better! I’m looking forward to reading all the reposts and comments you leave, I read every single one of them! Just know that they make me smile like an idiot <3

Anyways, make sure to EAT, SLEEP and DRINK enough!

Take care of yourselves <3

Note: Over 200 Notes!! Tysm!! <33

— I’d like to credit my cat as a co-author and professional purrer.

[syoddeye]

kinktober - day 06 - rut

price x f!reader | 2.8k words cw: John POV, brief mention of food/diet, slight dehumanization, mean!Price, breeding kink, dubcon/coercion, italics stan, abrupt ending because look at that wc summary: john takes his au jus. banner by @/cafekitsune

John can’t help but watch as she licks a stray drop of juice from her lip.

The sight sends a jolt coursing through him, cock hardening at the thought of those lips wrapped around it. He’s only had her once since dropping his bag at the door, and his mind fills with all the ways he plans to have her next.

Tempting sight. His gaze weighs heavy, an unsated predator a table width away from a piece of meat and her steak.

It’s an ugly thought. One that comes unbidden, released with the onset of his rut. A shallow wave of guilt laps against the remains of his dignity and lucidity, but soon that tide’ll go out for a few days. At that point, there’ll be no regret. No keeping the ugly in.

His hand flexes around his fork, the utensil digging into his own cut. It’s no use trying to distract himself, watching the juices that seep from it. Immediately thinking of the slick that pours like a tap between her legs. The thought has him smirking to himself, anticipation buzzing in his veins. 

“Enjoying your meal?” He asks with a bite, eyes fixed to hers.

She pauses mid-chew, her free hand absentmindedly touching the clasp of her bite guard for a dozenth time.

Inwardly, he preens. Smug he’s rattled her cage. 

She swallows hard. "Yes," she manages to reply, her voice barely above a whisper. "I never get steak." She tears into another piece, chewing slowly.

Of course not. Professional Omegas like her, practically show dogs, are fed top-shelf, high-end protein shakes. Nutritional smoothies. Leafy greens and lean meat. Vitamins. Supplements. Everything to keep them healthy and robust, hardy enough to take the ruts of alphas like him. Unmated, overly aggressive loners—canon fodder that survived too long, wised up too much, and made it everyone’s problem.

She’s terrible at hiding her irritation. Her attraction, too. Her scent’s all over the place. That’s the problem with being on scent blockers between jobs. Poor thing hasn’t a clue how to control it, let alone just how intoxicating she smells. It’s a miracle the little farmhouse they sent him to, where he found her, wasn’t blown down by the huffing and puffing of some other alpha.

(And even if it was? He’d drag them out and kill them with his bare hands.)

She’s not ready to admit what he already knows: this isn’t another contract rut. She isn’t going to limp home to her facility at the end of her week-long stint in no man’s land. He’ll carry her to his truck, buckle her in, and nurse the mark he’ll leave in her neck. All in good time.

He finishes his steak, pushing the empty plate aside. "I’m glad it’s to your liking."

The room crackles with tension, the silence only broken by the faint scrape of her cutlery. He allows it to stretch a minute longer before leaning forward and breaking it with a low drawl. 

"Once we're done here…I think it's time we use the bedroom. Take you properly this time." His eyes bore into hers. His bare chest and neck are splotchy with heat, his body hair damp with sweat. The scratch marks on his back sting when he reclines in his chair.

She stills, meal momentarily forgotten, then nods. She doesn’t lift her eyes from the gristle on the edge of her plate. 

Her denial reeks. The sweet tang of the warmth pooling between her eyes wafts. His foot slides forward under the table, catching her feet on either side as she tries to close her legs. Finally she looks up out of surprise, and he grins at the dilation of her pupils. It’s rare for a rut to trigger heats nowadays, what with all the suppressants on the market, what’s probably pumped into her—but not unheard of. Her body’s primed to respond to him. Wants to. Whether she wills it or not.

And it would be just like his superiors—handlers—to dangle an omega like her in front of him. He wonders how much of the budget went into strategizing his domestication. How much time. He’d be angry and drive back bloody and enraged, if it wasn’t working.

Not domestication, no. That’ll always be a front. A disguise to adopt and wear. But the singular, intensive want for the creature in front of him?

She was never going to leave here unmarked and unmated.

And he doesn’t believe she knew until he told her, growling into her ear as he pulled an orgasm from her wriggling body bent over the couch.

When she’s finished eating, he takes the dishes, and his eyes cut to where his shirt hits her bare thighs. Where the fabric catches and bunches on her wide hips. His nostrils flare at the single teardrop working its way down the inside of her leg.

“I’ll…prepare.”

Mouthwatering.

He takes his time, leaning against the sink, hand jammed down his shorts. He should shower. Should drink more water. Should, should, should. But the creak of the bed perks his ears and wipes another helping of enforced propriety from his brain.

She's ready. Satisfaction fills him at the thought. Aching for it.

The hall is an eternity and he makes no effort to dampen the sounds of his footsteps rattling the old bedroom door in its frame.

His shirt’s the first thing he sees, folded and set side on the decorative stool across from the door. The second is the arch of her back, arse in the air, covered in spots of a sheen she obviously tried to dab with a towel. A clear invitation, equal parts traditional and clinical. She’d like to pretend there’s nothing else in the room besides instinct and that she’s only there for an assignment.

Fingers threaded into the linens, toes curled tight. Statuesque. All part of her training, he bets.

Tomorrow, he decides, he’ll deliver his own. He’ll let her keep the comfort of routine for now.

Her skin is warm and soft under his touch, leagues smoother than his hands. Omegas like her are far from delicate things, shaped for their purpose like any other tool. Still, he marvels. Everything about her is welcoming. 

“Look at you.” he whispers, smug and satisfied. He squeezes her hip as he drops onto the bed behind her, wasting no time in wetting himself with her cunt. He glides through her folds, relishing the shudders it sends through the rest of her, and reaches for the back of her guard. He hooks a finger into the narrow gap between it and her neck and tugs, pulling her back to meet him in a searing kiss. Her mouth moves against his as if rehearsed until he releases her neck, and tells her to keep her cheek pressed to the mattress. Eyes open.

He watches a flurry of emotion parade across her face as he continues to grind. He soaks in the steady slick pouring from her hole, listening to her breathing ratchet up louder than the lewd, wet slide of his cock. He focuses on the pure heat emanating from her cunt and steadying his own breathing, until a word hatches weakly on her tongue.

“What was that?”

She shakes her head, closing her eyes. 

“Eyes open,” He swats a cheek. “Speak up.” Say it.

She stares sidelong, tongue darting out to wet her lips, a mix of apologetic and conflicted. “Please.”

“Please what?” Say it.

“Please—Please fuck me.”

“Why should I?”

It leaves her at a momentary loss for words. The question is and isn’t a trick. More a test, or an outstretched hand.

“Because…‘Cause of your rut?”

“No, no. Why’re you asking me to fuck you if it’s my rut? Everything should be on my schedule, yeah?”

“I didn’t—didn’t mean—”

“Why should I listen to your begging?”

Because you’re mine. Mine. Say it. Say you feel it.

But silence follows. Stubborn whelp. He lets her know the depth of his disappointment with a long huff, continuing to fuck along her folds, holding fast to his control. The noises he makes are intentional and not completely feigned. He reeks of displeasure and lets his gaze drift to the window, out to the dark of the night sky. Bored. Aggrieved. Let her mind wander where it will.

It takes minutes for her to break. She pleads with him quietly, daring to push back. “Please, I need it. Need you.”

Manipulative thing. It snaps the last thread, unmooring him from polite conversation and good manners. He grumbles, lines himself up, and slams forward without preamble. Buries himself in one go. He groans louder than the shocked gasp that erupts from her mouth, and grinds deeper into her warm clutch. He pulls back slowly to watch her cunt’s grip fight to keep him inside. 

“Fuck, sweetheart. ‘Least she knows what she wants” 

She whimpers in response, fingers clenching the sheets.

He wastes no more time, and lets his instincts take the reins. Maybe she’ll be more accommodating and honest around his knot. He lays into her with animalistic intensity, ignoring every cry and stutter beneath him as he takes and takes and takes.

He’ll give, the second she wises up.

John pistons into her mindlessly until moonlight touches the edge of the bed, and his body takes it like the chiming of a clock. Before he realizes it, he has her on her back, legs spread wide and hitched around his waist. Droplets of sweat drip from his temple onto her breasts where he leans over her, smearing when he crushes her, arms trapping her and giving her no quarter but his embrace. He doesn’t realize he’s fiddling with her bite guard until her voice turns shrill in his ear.

“Sir, you can’t!”

Sir. Placate and appease, textbook. 

“You cannot remove it, and, and, even if you could, you cannot bite me,” she continues, voice thin and desperate. “This is just a job, sir!”

He wonders if they use cattle prods. Clamps and car batteries. However they test their omegas to survive alphas like him, it cannot be too different from interrogation. But with how she fusses, he doubts she’s ever had to rely on her training in the real world. Unlike him. And he’s been on both sides.

John ignores her spiel.

“Oh, you’re just shy. You feel it, don’t you? Don’t fuckin’ deny it, I can tell you do, just need to hear you say it. Admit it. We’re a fucking pair. Mates. Meant to be.” 

A shocked noise cuts off the rest of her speech. Her lip’s gonna bleed if she keeps biting it like that.

“No? Still bent on denying it? Denying yourself? C’mon, darl.” His words are a growl, an animalistic sound vibrating through him. Reaching from the antediluvian into the present. His grip tightens on the collar, eyes drilling into the sliver of soft skin he sees beneath. The place for a mark. His mark.

She’s mine, the primal, angry part of him snarls. Snaps its teeth. Mine.

“‘M warnin’ you now. If I want to mark you, I will.” He punctuates with a hard thrust. “And if I want to mate you, I will. I’ll wait you out. I’ve crawled through shit and heat for things I don’t care about, imagine what I’ll endure for you.”

Without waiting for her response, his hand slips from her hip to between her legs. His pace drops to match the circles he rubs on her clit. A deep, controlled rhythm that has him bottoming out each thrust. His other hand grabs her jaw, tilting it to expose the clasp of the guard. Only she can undo it, but he wills it to break with just his stare.

“You’re going to be such a good mate to me. And I to you, sweetheart. I’ll protect you. Feed you. Keep you. Give you babies, little yous and mes…”

Her breath hitches at his words, he feels her shudder. It’s fear and curiosity and hunger. Mirrored. Twinned. 

Even as she protests, she arches into his touch, hips rising to meet him. The raw need in his voice, the harsh grip of his hand on her hip. He feels her resolve wavering, one foot off the edge over the steep drop off where he waits at the bottom to drag her under.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Being taken care of, a big man at your beck and call…” John’s lips curl into a wicked grin. It’s adorable, really, all her writhing and squirming. "Shh, sweetheart," he coos, pressing himself to the root. "You're not foolin’ anyone. You want it just as much as I do." He licks her jaw, dips his tongue beneath the lined collar, and grazes the swell of her gland. "But if you're still not convinced," he murmurs against her skin, grinding his hips against hers to drive his point home, "I'll keep showing you how good it will be."

Without further warning, he renews his efforts. He thrusts in earnest and restarts the slow circles on her clit, determined to draw every last moan from her lips. At last, the tissue at the base of his cock stirs and begins to swell like it’s had enough of her dithering, too.

Another embarrassing sound tumbles from her lips—part gasp, part moan—as he finds and hits her sweet spot. Her eyes shut. The sheets beneath her twist as she claws at them. Intent on changing her mind and knocking some fucking sense into her, he hones in on it. By the time his knot bumps against her cunt, she’s babbling some nonsense. He catches words like ‘program’ and ‘rules’. It all disappears into vapor when her breath catches in fear despite the feverish squeeze of her cunt.

Understandable. She cried on it before. Biggest she’s taken, she said when she finally calmed down from her hysterics, facedown on the hardwood floor. Of course, that made pride billow from him like a dark, toxic cloud. Eclipsing the sunset through the lace curtains and choking out the afterglow.

He pauses, fingers tracing her clit, then the thickness of his knot pressed to her hole. She squirms.

“You want more, love?” John asks, sawing gently in and out. “Want to come on this fat knot?” He watches her wrestle with her emotions, the way her brow furrows and her lips press together in indecision. Searching him for the answer.

“If you want me to continue,” He lifts his hand to cradle her chin. “You’re gonna have to let me bite you. Admit you’re mine, made for me, and I’ll let you come.”

“But your knot—don’t you want to…?”

He swipes his thumb over her chin. “‘Course I do, but I want everything. The whole package. Why shove my knot and fill up an omega who’s only gonna waste what I give her? No, after this, after you refuse me, I’ll call whoever holds your leash and send for a replacement—”

“No.” 

Her face rapidly contorts from docility to something base. And familiar. In his peripheral vision, her hand twitches north, then back to her stomach, like it’s fighting back. The corner of her mouth lifts, lips flashing her dull canines.

“No replacement.”

He breathes in the stink of her requited greed. Finally.

“My rut’ll be long, won’t be satisfied until the deed’s done and takes. Not gonna let you come once unless my teeth find your neck first.”

Her look of fury breaks with a whimper, the sound filled with a heady mix of fear and desire. Conflict. After a moment, she tests him and tries to reach down to continue where he left off, but he snatches her wrist. He growls when that doesn’t discourage her, when she simply starts rocking her hips, trying to grind herself on the cock buried inside her. Her lips curve into a pout. It’s not enough. They both know it.

“Darl,” he warns, huffing. “You really are a needy thing, aren’t you?”

He indulges her with a few sluggish strokes in and out of her body, laughing softly. With a rough tug, he pulls her closer.

“I said if you want to come, you have to let me bite you.”

John doesn’t blame her for the war undoubtedly raging in her head. He licks the pads of his fingers, returns them to her bundle of nerves, and grinds his knot against her weeping hole to help things along.

She says something when her stomach contracts as her orgasm slowly returns within reach.

“What was that?”

“...Yes. Okay.”

He pinches her clit. Presses until his knot catches.

Instead of uttering a word, she fumbles with the clasp of her bite guard. It comes off in his hand, and he throws it like a discus into a wall, shattering it into pieces like her resolve. He relishes the full-body shudder that wracks her as he envelopes her again, bearing down on her with his maw stretched wide.

“Good fucking girl.”

[thebibliosphere]

Sorry for being weird on your post, but has any East Asian person gotten upset about your allergy? Hopefully you were gracious and civil and not a racist about that. There’s been pseudoscience regarding MSG and East Asians have been wrongly slandered for it when a 7-11 hot dog has more msg than a pile of steamed dumplings from a takeout restaurant.

I had no idea what post you were talking about; I had to go look. No idea why that old post started circulating again, but thank you for the addition.

You're right; even though I didn't mention MSG anywhere in that post, there is a lot of pseudoscience around it, and it's heavily steeped in racism.

While I've never had anyone be mean to me about it (at least not once I've explained what MCAS is), it's still very frustrating if I mention being sensitive to MSG because people immediately assume I'm talking about East Asian foods when, as you rightly pointed out, there's more MSG in your average American hot dog. Not to mention pizza.

While I get very, very ill eating things like steamed dumplings (sadly, I used to love them!) I'm going to get equally ill from eating things like tomatoes and certain cheeses, which contain MSG naturally.

Trying to explain that latter part to some people really makes their heads explode, lol. Because, yeah, MSG occurs naturally! It's flavorful and not harmful -- it's just not good for histamine-sensitive people!

Unfortunately, MCAS/HIT awareness isn't great, so people assume their symptoms are because "MSG is bad" and not because they're sensitive to histamine. It sucks. I wish people were more aware.

This is why whenever I talk about MSG I'm mindful to frame it in the above context. MSG is a safe flavor enhancer that occurs naturally and that can make some people ill because it is a histamine liberator.

The same is true of yogurt, fresh fruits, vitamin C, and a whole host of other nutrient-dense, vital foods. It's the disorder that sucks, not the foods!

[tame-the-lion-writes]

Hi there! I loved reading the shenanigans of cat-shifter and had some questions. Does the cat-shifter process food using human biology or a cat biology? Because cats can convert glucose into vitamin C, but humans cannot because I think they're missing the enzyme l-gulonolactone oxidase required for the last step of converting D-glucose into L-ascorbic acid. I'm honestly not sure bc I'm not a vet lol Also, I can imagine cat-shifter in cat form snatching candy from the bowl for trick-or-treaters while Gaz worriedly chases after her. Probably justified in her mind for being wrestled into costumes all night for trick-or-treaters to coo over. Later on, cat-shifter acts a fool from the sugar rush at night and gets kicked out of several bedrooms. Kinda like in the video below: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SDN8TYaCIY

Babe I'm a law student. We don't do stem here :'D

The whole biology thing is all over the place--and rightfully so since this is fantasy lol. Reader reacts to catnip, but that's more of a smell thing than a digestion thing. Tho as a reference point, I've ruled out the boys getting sick from chocolate in the dog shifter AU, so I'm gonna say similar rules apply here: at least in terms of digestion, she can process human food just fine. I guess that would extend to sugar, so she'd be alright eating sweets compared to her actual feline counterparts.

That being said, she was still a "semi-feral" barn cat her whole life, so no, she's not used to sweets in general. Sure, she can process it fine, but it still affects her like someone having a shot of espresso for the first time. So the boys wake up a lil past midnight to the sound of their chaotic kitty bouncin' off the walls. Oopsie.

"You can't just tackle me at three in the mornin'!"

"You're thrice my size! You're fine!"

Price casually puts kitty and Simon in timeout for arguing.

[pinksugardollz]

Self Care Guide For Bad Mental Health Days

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

♡ let yourself cry! feeling sad when you have bpd can feel like the world is ending, but it isn’t. feeling sad is normal, and it’s completely okay. don’t demonise your emotions. let it out

♡ cuddle with your pets! cats are absolutely amazing for this, dogs too. lil furry babies make me so happy and cheer me up so much when im feeling low

♡ take as many naps as you need without guilt. rest rest rest, even on your good days! stop overworking yourself

♡ shower, you don’t have to do your full routine, just make sure you wash yourself then apply your favourite lotion and sweet scented perfume

♡ cosy up and watch something that makes you happy. nostalgic tv shows are great, on my bad days i really love watching spongebob bratz or strawberry shortcake

♡ invest in a 2L water bottle and keep it by your bed for those low motivation days

♡ light your favourite bakery scented candle, sweet scents always uplift my mood

♡ do not isolate yourself, try to keep in contact with friends or family

♡ eat some chocolate or chips, whatever your favourite comfort food is. your happiness is more important than your diet

♡ if you’re struggling to get out of bed, try keeping everything you need on your bedside table so you can still do your skincare routines and take your daily vitamins from your bed

♡ run a nice relaxing bubble bath!!!

♡ put on some cosy pjs & grab a pink fluffy blanket and snuggle on the sofa instead of staying in bed all day

♡ set rules for yourself, write some things you that want to achieve in a day. such as keeping your skin moisturised, shower twice a day, drink enough water, getting out of bed. anything that applies to you. self care can become confusing and daunting, so write everything down to remind yourself to look after and cherish yourself

♡ make sure you’re eating enough. even if you’re not feeling hungry, if you don’t have the energy to cook, order takeout! it’s ok to eat takeout sometimes, just not all of the time as junk food can be highly addictive, and obviously isn’t very good for you

♡ try writing down your thoughts and feelings. i love journaling and covering the pages with pink stickers and making it look all pretty, it’s so therapeutic

♡ reach out to a mental health professional if things get too bad. this may feel hard, but if you need help desperately pls get it

♡ acknowledge that what you’re feeling is just temporary, whatever you’re feeling won’t last forever

♡ make sure you’re getting enough sleep. whenever i didn’t get enough sleep in the past, i would sometimes start seeing and hearing things, and would become very paranoid and disassociated, which is obviously not what anyone wants. so pls pls pls make sure you’re prioritising your sleep

♡ treat yourself, buy something pink and pretty just because you can

♡ take a day or 2 off work (if allowed)

tiny disclaimer: these tips may seem obvious to those of you without serious mental health problems, and they may be things you do everyday but when someone with mental health problems is in a really bad place, they can sometimes forget how to look after themselves properly, or in my case a few years ago i would just stop caring about myself. i love all of my pretty sugar dollies so much, look after yourselves and i really hope some of these tips help you 🎀🦢

[wondersmile]

disabled puppy reg!

requested by @onyxhaspaws @snowbutchangel @littlesonic

watch tv shows with dogs! (blues clues, clifford, bluey, courage the cowardly dog, martha speaks, puppy dog pals, too cute)

sit outside in your driveway/yard/porch! if you struggle with mobility for any reason, you can still enjoy the sun and get some vitamin d this way!

snack ideas: apples, bananas, blueberries, cashews, cauliflower, green beans, peanut butter, watermelon, plain yogurt (these are all real foods dogs can have as treats and if you’re unable to have meat or certain processed foods these are good alternatives!)

get fuzzy paw socks to keep your feet warm while you rest in bed

dog plushies (or other animals) can keep you company!

a bowl with a straw can feel more like a dog bowl while still making it easy for you to stay hydrated with water or electrolytes

if the light bothers you, hang a blanket or towel over the window, just like you would cover a dog’s crate for bedtime

divider id: a line of paw prints in a pattern of light pink, black, and tan end id.

[xyrill]

i ate an edible

so i made one piece admirals costco headcanons

have some doodles i made beforehand lolzies

bors

i feel like borsalino would obliberate a costco hot dog! they are literally $1.50 in the US! like wtf he would totally buy 5 or more, eat a few, and put some in the fridge.

he'd also buy a ton of snacks. maybe even $100 worth of dried nuts, fruits, and chips.... a junkie since i'd call him a stoner

he'd also buy ramen packs to stock; damn i feel like he would just eat ramen everyday-- restaurant ramen, home made ramen, and mf instant ramen

go to the optometrist section, try out sunglasses, but never buy them because he's attached to his yellow ass sunglasses

buy alcohol on sale

frequents costco with another admiral-- he goes by himself if he has to buy groceries

sak

sakazuki would totally fucking demolish a chicken bake. but honestly, like buy one to eat for lunch and buy a frozen pack from the freezer section of costco and reheat them for the next following lunches.

he would also sometimes buy the $5 rotisserie chicken. they have the best seasoning MMM

the karen of the admirals. complain to the manager if his rotisserie chicken is taking more than 15 MINUTES to cook

buys a pack of beer every week

he goes by himself and gets annoyed when someone asks to tag along

kuzan

kuzan? he would absolutely love to prepare dinners and buy bulk.

he'd eat up an entire potato salad.

buy fruit and fresh produce

even hit up the bakery

stock up on gift cards like a smart man

he stocks up on vitamins, probably even buys fish oil pills

fujitora

frequents the clothes section

he would dress up like a dad/uncle, buying the best flip flops/sandals

he'd always buy the 24 pack eggs or more

the very opposite of sakazuki, he'd be the most patient person with busy employees

self checkout but with the help of an employee

try out the occasional massage chairs

buy packs of melatonin gummies :)

aramaki

this fucker doesn't even have a costco card

he would sneak in with another admiral or pair up with some random person with a card to get in

he buys all the toys and cool looking comic books at the book section

he would only try samples and buy snacks

he gets a cart, not just to put his stuff in, but to have the right of way and be fast.

sengoku

would buy gift cards to restaurants -- he would definitely love olive garden

always asks an employee where stuff is

a bit impatient, especially if he's behind a slow person walking

looks at all the books

goes to the produce section just to find food for his goat :)

he buys ugly/cute stuffed animals

he'd be a fucking squishmallow collector omg...

garp

buys sweaters and clothes for koby from the clothes section

fuck, he probably loves koby more than asl >_> (probably not true)

would go to the headphones section and listen to the random songs that it plays

ACTUALLY, he would bring koby around in costco and be an absolute dad, embarrassing him with whatever chance he gets

frequents coscto with sengoku

he would go to costco with sengoku if he loses his costco card-- which is almost all the time maybe

edit: there are so many grammar mistakes oh my god HAHAHA

[witchofthesouls]

Human eating something spicy: Good food

Cybertronian: You're actively burning and poisoning yourself. Stop eating that

Human: Mmm capsaicin

Cybertronian: I said stop eating that!

Chilis are too obvious and kind to them. Of course, the space aliens are highly concerned by spice challenges, especially with humans attempting to breed hotter, spicier peppers... as a fun hobby.

("Isn't capsaicin the active ingredient in pepper spray?" "Yes. But people enjoy eating spicy food.")

Cybertronians would be blown away by how much agriculture transformed human civilizations... as well as be boggled between humans' ability to endure extreme conditions, yet be so damn bodily fragile and inefficient.

Genetics have never looked so wild in the botanical community. Like yes, space alien, many vegetables are related. It's dependent on the area of concentration to painfully cultivate it for hundreds to thousands of years because some regions wanted something more leafy, while others focused on the pods or roots.

And yes, space alien, many cultivated foods had derived from poisonous origins. Animals (including humans) figured to circumvent it through evolutionary adaptations or utilizing methods to draw out the toxins.

Cybertronians can be impressed by how humans managed to figure that out in the countless preparation and cooking processes in different cuisines across various cultures... yet slap their helms because their funky, little squishy is having so many health issues because of the lack of Vitamin D or a Candida infection, so Cybertronians will unironically go "touch grass" with their assigned/favorite human.

(Cue confused Cybertronian noises when their human explains sunscreen and cancer.)

And fungi, like mushrooms, are a mindfuck within itself as a kingdom to both Cybertronians and humans.

This isn't delving into how other Earth organic species can't consume certain human foods due to toxicity, like dogs and chocolate.

[mythicmanuscripts]

OMG I saw ur aegon x vampire reader post and the note below it. I seriously need a vampire Aemond x reader!!!

Ps: UR WRITING IS SO GOATED I BINGED READ ALL OF THEM😭

Aw thank you anon!!! So the previous vampire!Aemond ask I answered was about how the relationship with Aemond started and I think I now want to spend some time on the actual relationship itself?

Anyway, enjoy my random babble about vampire!Aemond and let me know if you lads have thoughts! This will be the last vampire!aemond ask I answer without much info, if you want more of this then just be sure to put some more info then just “vampire!aemond”

Anyway once again, subby vampire!aemond below the cut! There’s no real coherence in this answer I’m just babbling about this so get ready for chaos

So as we’ve established, vampire!aemond won’t drink from any other once he’s fed off you. He will not touch another’s blood, he’d rather starve.

Also, I love the idea that this marriage wasn’t actually arranged? Or maybe you do have an arranged marriage but it’s with someone else at the red keep and not Aemond and well… those plans have to change real quick because once Aemond gets a taste of you he’ll burn down the whole fucking kingdom if anyone tried to get with you.

Anyway, I think what’s most interesting about this whole idea is that Aemond would seem to be the one in charge with how he behaves but then the moment you speak he’s practically curling up at your feet. He’s SO protective over you, but he’s protective in the same way dog would be? He’s always with you, always standing just a little behind you and keeping a close eye on whoever you’re talking to, he’ll attack if he thinks someone might hurt you, but at the same time he’s just so… obedient? You speak and suddenly he’s looking at you like you hung the moon and all its stars and waiting for bated breath for what you will say to him.

He’s well aware that he needs you far more than you need him, and no matter how many times you try to tell him that’s not true it doesn’t matter he won’t be convinced otherwise. He knows he will never be entitled to your body, and so he will cherish every second you do give him.

Needless to say, he treats you SO well. It’s not just about the blood either, he just gets along so well with you and he loves being around you and even if you said he could never feed from you again, he’ll starve without complaint and only ask that he be allowed to spend his last days with you.

So yeah it’s definitely not just that feeds off you, but I also think that because he feeds from you there are some things he does to try and look after you as best he can.

For starters, you will NEVER go hungry. I like the idea that vampires don’t eat normal food, but he still hires a servant whose sole just is to feed you. Aemond always enjoys you’re getting enough of everything you need like iron and calcium and that you have a balanced diet. But it’s more than just that, he also pays very close attention to the foods you like and the foods that you don’t so that he can relay it back to the servant.

He’s also pedantic about ensuring you eat enough and at regular intervals. It’s usually very rare for a vampire to only feed off of one person because one person losing a reasonable amount of blood regularly can cause fatigue and iron deficiencies and so much more.

He knows exactly how lucky he is to have found you and so he will not allow his feeding to cause any negative side effects for you. It’s not uncommon to be a big dinner or event of some kind and the servants serve you some foods high in iron and vitamin C that the other guests don’t. Of course you can also eat the normal food, but Aemond is very particular about ensuring there is always enough the beat possible food available for you to help with losing blood for him.

And lord help anyone who tries to mess with that, even if someone just asks to try something and you actually agree to it, he’ll still tell them off. Of course you don’t let him get away with this. You always turn to look at him and tell him to stop being so combative and to everyone’s shock he immediately nods and apologises because he hates seeing you unhappy with him.

I also think he gets VERY offended any time someone thinks he’s feeding form multiple people or offers to let him feed off them? Like I think maybe it would be quite common for neighbouring kingdoms to visit and bring their own people for blood supply and then as a sign of respect and trust, they’ll send one of their people to offer themselves to one of the vampires residing in the red keep.

More than once visitors have made the mistake of getting their people to offer a feed to Aemond. The first time they ask he just says no and ignored them. Then the second time he tells them to fuck off, and if they are come a third time then they’re getting kicked out.

It’s even worse if they try to make this offer when you’re there. You know Aemond will never do it and you don’t care how many people offer themselves to him, but Aemond sees them doing that as an insult to you? You’re sitting right there and they are to try to offer him another’s blood? Often you have to tell the poor human to scamper off before Aemond kills them.

And lastly, I wanna talk about Aemond after a feed? Well more specifically, Aemond after a bigger feed? He’ll drink from your neck for bigger feeds, and fuck once he’s had his full he’s almost blood drunk?

His head is all fuzzy and he’s so utterly satiated it’s like he can he can feel it in his bones. He’s so plaint then, will do whatever you say and often ends up more than a bit horny. You LOVE riding a blood drunk Aemond so much because he’s just completely blissed out the entire time, and when it’s finished he’ll just turn and hide in your arms, mumbling his thanks and promptly falling asleep.