#(let the records show that i am not a great singer)

[vcrnons]

thank you @woozification for tagging me for receiptify!!

i had no idea what was gonna come up on this so i’m lowk pleasantly surprised !! (apparently i have been streaming the life out of brat & iichliwp lmao)

tagging (with zero pressure<3) : @justsomekpopstuff @chwedout @lee-sanghyeok @taeiltual @wqnwoos @raplinenthusiasts @eoieopda 🩵

[putschki1969]

YKL vol.#20～Japanese Seal 20th Special～ Kanagawa Performance Broadcast

2024.06.09 Kanagawa・Kenmin Hall The second concert of this year's Yuki Kajiura live tour was broadcast last night on TBS Channel 1. The tour is titled “Special Japanese Seal” referring to the fact that no Japanese songs are performed. This exclusion does not apply to the encore section. User 蓝原延珠_ on Bilibili kindly provided their recording of the broadcast, you can watch it HERE. I was only able to download a 720p version (~1GB) of it but for the time being, it will do. I am eager to watch it and write a little report. Hopefully an HQ version will pop up in a few days. Without further ado, let's get going〈(•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→

overture〜アンチヒーロー〜Main Theme〜: Right off the bat, I'm noticing that the audio is quite dull and maybe even slightly tinny? Might be the specific recording but it's probably more a matter of the TV broadcasts generally having bad audio. That was clearly noticeable when you compared the Kaji Fes TV broadcast to the BD release. Anyway, we are off to a great start. Glad to see rito and Lino on stage from the get-go and not just for a couple of songs here and there. It always feels a bit awkward for them to have the status of "regular" members but only appearing on stage sporadically. I haven't listened to any songs from the Antihero soundtrack so this is all new to me. Classic YK, the type of song I will always gravitate towards. Beautiful harmonies. Enjoying the slight whine in Eri's voice, so emotional. Love when the epic part starts and you can hear an entire chorus in the background (maybe a bit too much studio magic going on here but I don't mind for grand sections like that). Must have been a real goosebumps moment at the live.

the four rings: Wow, this one is so good. Don't think I've heard it before. Not too familiar with the Heaven’s Feel OST tbh. Really getting goosebumps now. Although I will say that here, the post-editing is a bit overbearing, it seems to almost drown out the vocals of our songstresses. Don't get me wrong, it still sounds amazing and I am enjoying the hell out of it but I wonder how it was like at the venue (with presumably less studio magic). With six singers on stage, they can certainly achieve some powerful choral work but of course it would still pale in comparison to a larger choir. Nonetheless, this is an instant favourite. Hope they will perform it during the Asia tour leg. Although I kinda doubt it since they said that the setlist would be very different. But who knows, it's Fate/stay night so it's probably among the more-likely pieces to be performed among Yuki's huge repertoire. My guess is that they will stick to the most popular anime stuff because they know that will get the audience excited.

absolute configuration: Perfect transition. Never getting tired of this song. And I'm glad we are back to a more natural sound with less studio magic. Solid performance as always.

E.G.O: Have they ever performed this live for a home video release? I don't think so. It was included in one of the live complication albums (Fictionjunction 2010-2013) but I don't recall ever watching a live performance. I have to admit that I haven't even listened to the live audio track, must have dismissed it when I first got the album. I can understand why because it's not really my type of song. It's not bad but not my favourite either. Very old-school YK so that's fun. And there are a couple of nice Keiko parts, that's always a treat.

キッチン革命〜Main Theme〜: A completely new track from one of Yuki's most recent works. Definitely a perfect fit for a show called "Kitchen Revolution" XD Especially the percussion at the beginning. The harmony between Yuriko, Lino and rito works really well, they sound good together. Other than that, it probably won't become one of my favourite songs. Generally not a huge fan of Yuriko as main vocalist. No one does those gorgeous operatic higher harmonies like her but when the spotlight is on her, it's typically not my cup of tea.

voyagers: As far as I know, we only have the studio version and live audio from the compilation album as reference. No official live footage. The song has never really stuck out to me, it is okay but it's a bit too derivative of much better tracks from Yuki. Will keep it short so I don't trigger anyone. But it's definitely one of those songs where I prefer the version with Wakana. Joelle's vocals don't do anything for me here. But since I am not super invested in the song anyway, I can't say I care much.

Historia: opening theme: Beautiful rendition. Love that they brought all six vocalists back on stage for this. Naturally, I'm quite fond of Wakana's version once again (not least of all because this song will always have a connection to Kalafina) but Yuriko does a fanstatic job of singing her parts, admittedly, she has much better control so her voice sounds very crisp and lovely. Joelle provides great support here and their voices blend well together.

forest: Never been a fan. I didn’t like it when Wakana sang it and I don’t like it now that Joelle sings it. It’s not a bad song at all and Joelle sounds fine to me but it’s just not my cup of tea. Next.

My long forgotten cloistered sleep: Now THIS on the other hand I have always loved. I still remember everyone hating Wakana's live version during YKL Vol.#9 but I enjoy it quite a lot. It's true that it's probably not the best she has ever sounded but her vocals here certainly don't warrant all the nasty comments she has received throughout the years for that performance. Of course, I am also obsessed with that WaKei combo!! And you know me, I have a weakness for "lalala"s so this has definitely always been among my favourite YKL songs. As for this performance, I think both Wakana and Joelle are trying are little too hard to emulate Emily Bindiger's timbre. I personally don't think Emily Bindiger has a particularly nice voice so if anyone tries to sound like her, it's always a slight downgrade in my opinion. I'll just say this, if you are one of the people who say that Wakana sounds like a chipmunk in her version, you'll have to say the same thing about Joelle(¬_¬) Long story short, I don't mind this version with Joelle and Keiko. Still very enjoyable. Will definitely be listening to it on repeat.

I swear: Probably one of my least favourite Keiko songs but this is a decent performance. I might even like this more than some of the previous live rendition since it's a bit more delicate(?) I think.

fiction: Another song I could live without…The chorus is solid but it's not one of those songs I'd ever actively listen to.

I reach for the sun: Forever sad that they made Joelle the lead of this song. Keiko does a better job in my opinion and I like the song quite a bit more than "I swear". Overall, the English section has probably been the weakest so far, at least for me. I actually ended up fast-forwarding through most of it.

MC: This MC is quite interesting since Yuki asks her singers to share a story of something they are taking a break from right now. To explain the background of this question, it's a reference to the title of this year's tour: Nihongo Fuin = Japanese Seal ("fuin" basically means to seal up something. You are excluding it/taking a break from it/quitting it/etc). Lino says that despite being a huge lover of the sea, she has been taking a break from going to the beach and swimming in the sea during this summer because it might affect her voice negatively. Yuki has a funny response to that because she says that most of her songs have never really had a summer vibe and actually don't work very well in a summer atmosphere but for some reason, they have ended up always holding their annual tour during the summer time. Keiko has stopped drinking her beloved lattes for the past three months to prioritise her water intake. Gladly, she has overcome the worst parts of quitting already and is getting used to water. Yuki admired her stoic nature. Yuriko would typically refrain from certain things in preparation for a live tour but this year she has completely forgotten about that. About two weeks ago, she decided to quit ice-cream but she only did it half-hardheartedly because it was so hot that she ended up eating it anyway. So yeah, this is a big fail and it's really a "story of NOT taking a break from something" XD Joelle has stopped waking up early. Usually, she is the type to rise together with the sun but in order to increase her sleeping hours, she will wake up later when she is on tour. A restful sleep will help her body heal up and improve her voice. rito has quit chewing gum (and stopped eating certain chewy foods such as squid) because it's bad for your jaw and facial muscles. Kaori has taken a break from watching the drama "Anithero" (for which YK is composing music, the main theme having been performed as the intro of this live). Seems like the song is haunting her a bit too much and the story is getting to her. So once the tour is over and she is no longer singing the song, she will have an easier time watching the episodes. Yuki agrees that the main theme is quite haunting. Especially when she hears one of the singers rehearsing in the dressing-room right before a performance. Eri doesn't really have anything to tell the audience but she and Yuki briefly talk about the difficulties of learning so many songs with coined words.

Gaia: Wow, what a lovely song. Instant like. Really adore Eri here!! Such gorgeous high notes.

Credens justitiam: What a great team-up with Keiko, Eri, Yuriko and Joelle. Eri sounds great together here with Keiko. Does Yuriko sound a bit off here? I don't know. Not 100% into some of her parts.

hepatica: First time actively listening to this song. Very beautiful and tender. I feel like some of Yuki's KnK work might have been inspired by this song. Some parts immediately made me think of "Seventh Heaven".

godsibb: Waaah! Yes!! Always a joy to listen to this song. Glad everyone is on stage for a powerful finale.

Alone: I knew I would love this Pandora Hearts medley. I always do and this one is no exception. Flawless start.

Bloody rabbit: Some squeaky parts at the beginning but overall, solid.

Contractor: OBSESSED. One word. Perfection. There's a reason this is the performance I'm using for this post. I'm forever a slave to Keiko's solo part XD. Also, Eri is such a queen here! So cool!

zodiacal sign: This is the song where you can really tell that they are taking great care of Kaori's condition. No strenuous movements at all. How funny is it to see Rie joining the girls in their little dance?! Cute!! Super fun performance as always.

open your heart: Ughh, I do not like this song at all. They did "Sweet Song"/"paradise regained" for most of the other performances. Would have killed to get either of those two instead of "open your heart". Obviously, "Sweet Song" would have been perfect. From what I heard, the final concert with Kaori in July had an amazing and heart-warming performance of "Sweet Song".

En.Prologue〜このとほかやわらかい: Wish I could grow to love this song. It deserves my love, I know it. But I just can't get into it. But hey, it's a cool performance, I can't deny that. During her solos, Kaori sounds a bit nasal in my opinion. Nothing that takes away from the performance but it's certainly noticeable (throughout the live to be honest - at least during the few songs where she has a substantial solo part. I think you can also hear it during the main MC. Either she had a minor cold that day or it's just a symptom of her pregnancy. Lowered nasal resonance is actually a very common thing for pregnant women.)

En.Parade: Beautiful. No notes.

En.蒼穹のファンファーレ: Solid. Not a huge fan of the song though.

[chemicallywrit]

Happy Audio Drama Sunday!! When I was a non-teacher adult I thought to myself, surely as a child I exaggerated the desperate need for summer break. Now that I am a teacher adult, I can admit that I was. Wrong. I need a break, but luckily I have time for this.

Here's what I listened to this week!

@ourstoriedinsight's season finale was this week and wow. Wow. The way this show so effortlessly dances on ideas of trust, truth, and ethics while telling a story of four (five? Sir George count?) ridiculous and reluctant heroes who have only a dead friend in common is staggering. This episode especially, as you can see how they really drew together against (and then with) Sage. I love them, your honor. And I would also let Rain be my lawyer. Everyone listen to Our Storied Insight.

Jeez louise @camlannpod, can you give a girl a break? I am so glad Gwaine’s okay, and I’m fascinated by the mistrust Peredur has for him, even after they tried to track him over hill and dale. And I am SO worried about what's about to happen next. I wonder what Dai's going to do about it. I wonder if he'll do anything (please, Dai, do something).

This week's episode of Josie’s Lonely Hearts Club had me rolling. Look, I knew the title going in ("It's French for A Horny Party") and I still cackled when the line appeared in the episode. Josie, I hope you continue changing for the better. Also it inspired me to make beans and rice for dinner and that was a wild success.

When Karim Kronfli showed up at the beginning of the season of Among the Stars and Bones, I was excited, but holy heck. The performances in this show. Oh, right, and the twist at the end--you know, I really should have expected things to get a million times worse, based on how last season went, but this is a MILLION times worse. How are they gonna get out of this one folks???

@keepitsteadypod KEEP IT STEADY IS BACK KEEP IT STEADY MY BELOVED. Things are REALLY going places between Zach and Gabe now and neither of them know it. I love high schoolers, they're so dumb. Admit you like each other, dummies. Shoutout to our great good school nurse trying to fight for kids, and I thought the reveal about Zach's past was remarkably done. I love this show.

In relistening news, Life with Althaar again (what's up, @geminicollisionworks!). I rarely relisten to shows, but this one is worth my while every time. Listen to Life with Althaar, a silly space sitcom that gets Not So Silly when the story decides to commit to the bit. Althaar, I would die for you.

Inn Between is truckin right along with 5.9 this week, which I found absolutely delicious to watch the actors bring to life. It’ll be outdone only by the episode next week. In zombie news, boy oh boy, this week we're doing some recording for The Dead that I'm very worried about but ready for the challenge of. It involves directing singers in a language I do not speak! Lol pray for me. If I can make it til school ends, maybe I'll have some other news as well! Keep a weather eye out.

Hey, want to help me satiate my sudden summer cravings for fun drinks? Buy me a ko-fi!

See y'all next week!

[purplecoffee13]

“N.I.B.” - Thin Lines Check in

“You are the first to have this love of mine. Forever with me till the end of time.” ~ N.I.B. by Black Sabbath

Summary: “a year later, the sole mention of Harry’s name has your life whirling upside down…”

Tropes: opera singer!Y/N x rockstar!Harry

Wc: 3k

Warnings: none really

A/N: Hey everyone! Here it is, the end of an era: the final part of thin lines. This series is my personal favorite. I love this story and its ending is perfect to me, but I am sorry if it is in any way unsatisfying or disappointing. I just didn’t want to change the ending I had in mind when I started this series. Okay, enough yapping, enjoy!

Series Masterlist

General Masterlist

"We think you show great potential, and we are certain we can get you more recognition with our help." The man across the table from you said. You were leaned back in your seat a bit, still the slightest bit skeptical of his words, despite the giddy feeling that was bubbling in your stomach.

You glanced at your manager, Sandy, who gave you a small nod. She'd told you the contract was good. There were no hidden traps or restraints when it came to your music making. Of course, you knew that as a beginning artist you would always have to compromise, but you didn't want your art to suffer from it.

A smile formed on your face, "I would be very interested to work with you. The contract looks great, I can't wait to create more music with you as my label."

The men across from you all gave you a variety of smiles, nodding at your acceptance to their offer.

"Well, let's sign then!" The CEO of the label, Frank Lowell, cheerily proposed. You let out a soft chuckle, observing as his assistant handed you the contract along with a pen. You slid the paper a bit to the right, where Sandy was sitting, to let her scan the document for any possible mistakes, but the twinkle in her eyes when she looked at you told you enough.

As soon as your signature painted the bottom of the contract, you realized, it was real. Your dream of getting signed by a record deal had just become reality. You fought the tears from rolling down your cheeks.

You turned around and gave your new manager a hug. If it weren't for Sandy, you would've never gotten a contract this flexible for a beginning artist. She was pure fire, and incredibly considerate towards you. The best thing that could've happened to you after the disaster that Reece was.

It marked almost a year since you cut him off, in every sense of the word. You realized that if you ever wanted to evolve, you needed to let go of all that was holding you back. There was no one holding you back more than Reece. Losing him— no, getting rid of him had given you a sense of freedom that felt so nice.

The emotional shackles with which you had tied yourself down to him weren't tokens of safety, they had been a weight on your ankle, and he had pushed you into the sea. You were lucky to have remembered how to swim in time, and you knew you couldn't give yourself the entire credit for it.

"Let's toast!" Frank said, handing you and Sandy both a glass of champagne. You got up from your seat and held the glass up high, along with the rest.

"To Y/N L/N and our promising time together!" He exclaimed, followed by some cheers and the sounds of glasses clinking against one another. You brought the champagne to your mouth and took a sip.

"And to Harry Styles."

You nearly choked on your champagne at the words of the assistant's words. You quickly swallowed the sip, and after a few coughs, you ask, "w— what?"

Frank only laughed, as if suddenly remembering whatever it was that his assistant was referring to. You were staring at him wide eyed, waiting for someone to explain. You hadn't heard that name in a year. Hadn't allowed yourself to think about it.

"Ah right! Bright lad, that Harry." He said.

You flicked your eyes towards the assistant, then to Frank, then to the assistant again. When it seemed like Frank isn't going to offer up any explanation, the assistant stepped in.

"Mr. Lowell was at the studio the other day to see the progress of an album of one of our artists, and Harry Styles was there. They were playing a song and Mr. Lowell and I thought it was our artist's song, but it turned out to be your single. He introduced us to your work, told us he once saw your performance at that opera you used to play in." He told you, Frank nodding intently.

The air seemed to have been sucked out of your lungs. You couldn't believe it. Of course, you had thought it was strange that such a prominent record label had contacted you, but then again your song did go viral, so you thought they maybe found you through social media.

For a second you were afraid that this was just a pity gift from Harry, but from what Frank and his assistant told you, it didn't seem so.

Still, you were wary. And you stayed wary throughout the rest of the time, despite acting your best not to seem it. About fifteen minutes later, Frank announced that he had to attend a different meeting, and the small celebration came to an end.

You shot a weak smile at Sandy, who was rambling about how great this was and how happy she was for you the entire way down with the elevator. You simply nodded along, pretending to listen. Deep inside, you felt guilty for not paying attention, but most of your mind was occupied with that one name.

Harry Styles.

"Y/N!" A voice took you right out of that mental spiral you felt yourself fall into. Your gaze flew to where the sound was coming from, and there you spotted him:your boyfriend.

It took a lot to wield a smile upon the sight of his face, and that made you feel terrible. What kind of horrible person did you have to be to be so affected by the mention of the name of a person you hadn't seen in over a year? Completely awful, you concluded.

"Darren, what are you doing here?!" You asked, letting him take you in his embrace. He lifted you up and spun your around.

Upon putting you down again, he said, "I wanted to celebrate this milestone event with my lovely girlfriend!"

You chuckled, planting a kiss on the lips of your sweet boyfriend.

Darren and you had been dating for five months now, and he was beyond sweet. A golden retriever kind of guy, something you had never really liked before. You had been alone for a while when you'd met him at a karaoke bar, where he'd just done an awful rendition of 'My Heart Will Go On' by Celine Dion. He had bought you a drink and you had chatted for a while, and at the end of the night he gave you his number.

At first, you didn't want to text him, because Darren wasn't exactly your type. But after some careful consideration and plenty of encouragement from your friends, you texted him anyway. Sweet guy that he was, he immediately took you to dinner, and you were surprised with how easily everything flowed. He liked you, he showed it, and he put in effort. It didn't take long for him to ask you to be his girlfriend.

After the drama with Reece and whatever it was that could possibly define your relationship with Harry, you figured that this was exactly what you needed. No games, no guessing, no girlfriends. So, you said yes, and you had been together ever since.

It didn't stop your from noticing the differences between you and him, though. He was way more established— stable if you will. There was still a lot of untamed wildness that resided in you, and you weren't sure for how much longer you could keep that locked away.

"I'm thinking, pizza at Joe's and inviting Zach and Chloe along— and Sandy." He whirled his head to your manager. "Sandy, wanna come too?"

She shook her head. "I have a dinner party with some long distance friends tonight, but have a lot of fun!"

"You too!" You said, hurrying over to her and giving her one last tight hug. "Thank you, I couldn't have done this without you.

"Give yourself some credit too, girl." Sandy replied sternly, an eyebrow raised. "And the next time I see you, you have to tell me about the time Harry Styles came to see you at the opera?! I need to know every last detail about that!"

Your stomach churned. "There's not much to tell, really..."

"I don't care, just milk it out." She chuckled. She turned to wave at Darren, and winked at you one last time before walking over to her car and driving away. That feeling of a thousand bricks hanging from your body wasn't getting any lighter, and you were afraid you might throw up.

In spite of that nagging feeling—the one of your body screaming at you to do that one thing that could make it go away—you turned around to your boyfriend and conjured a smile.

"Let's celebrate."

*****

The glasses of wine hadn't proven to be of any help in getting rid of that feeling that plagued you, so you had stopped trying after glass number three. There was no point in getting wasted if it didn't drown out the reason you were getting wasted for.

The entire night passed by you, as if you were watching it from behind a screen, and you felt horrible about the impact that one mention of his name had made on you.

So, you'd decided to do something about it.

The night ended at around one in the morning, with you having to carry Darren to his apartment and into his bed. He had let loose a little too much. You didn't quite mind— it's not like you were going all out anyway. Besides, he'd had a rough week at the firm he worked at, so he deserved a little break from it all. At least that way one of you could relieve some stress.

As Darren lay snoring, you fiddled with your keys in hand at the side of his bed. You weren't able to conclude whether doing or not doing what you were about to do was inducing more anxiety.

Be a grown up, you told yourself.

Taking a deep breath, you got up from the bed and headed to the door, downstairs and into a cab, giving the driver an address you hadn't thought you'd ever visit again.

******

Nini's still looked the same.

The types of people visiting hadn't changed, neither had the bouncer or the sign that hung above those stairs that led down to a sinful piece of your history. And as those bricks dissolved into something more exciting— jittery, you realized, you loved it.

You loved this club, and you loved coming here. The people might have been crazy, but it was fun and it was open and it was... free. You hadn't felt free in a while.

Technically, you were more free than ever. You weren't a bird caged by your manager anymore. No, you had flown right out of Reece's suffocating grip. But that was not what you meant.

It was this inner freedom that you now saw you had been missing this past year. This sexual, spiritual liberty that had somehow faded after you and Harry decided to stop seeing each other, causing you to reform to the standards of society again just when you had began to break loose from them.

You certainly hadn't felt freedom like the one people were experiencing in this club in a long time. You hadn't felt so free as to try drugs in a club, and fuck in places where you might get caught. Such as the balcony...

You looked up, suddenly remembering the place where you lost your virginity, and gulped when you found yourself eye to eye with the man who had taken it from you.

Fuck, shit, fuck!!!

You took your eyes off Harry, and rushed into the club. You couldn't possibly back down now, so you might as well get it over with quick. Rip it off like a band aid.

You took the exact route that Harry took that first time he brought you here. And as if you were living in a memory, there he stood, waiting for you in the doorway to the office upstairs. You looked over your shoulder—you didn't know why, it wasn't like anyone was going to judge here—and walked into the room.

The office looked the exact same as the last time you had been here, but nothing was the same.

"And to what do I owe this visit, sweetheart?"

God, the way the nickname rolled off his tongue. As if his mouth had been warmed up to the movements, as if he had last called you that just the other week and not, in fact, a whole year ago.

"I got a recording contract, at a record label." You told him, finally turning around and meeting his eyes. The slightest flicker of shock flashed through them, clearly indicating his surprise about not only the news, but also your visit.

"That's great, Y/N. Where?" He asked, his voice so genuinely happy. Your response was delayed, due to the fact that he called you by your first name, something he didn't do very often. Harry chuckled very softly at the stuttered reply that fell from your lips, knowing it was the effect his words still had on you. You let him study you for a while, knowing you had changed a bit over the year, before you finally asked that burning question.

"You— you didn't tell them to, did you?"

Harry squinted his eyes at you. "What do you mean?"

"You didn't tell them, to like... hire me or anything, right?" Your cheeks flushed, embarrassment filling your body before the answer had even left Harry's mouth. Your eyes stung but you restrained yourself from letting it go any further.

"You think I forced that record label to give you a contract?" He asked, and the words hit you like knives in your chest. Without daring to utter another word, you simply nodded.

"You have got to be joking."

Your eyes widened as Harry walked towards you, and grabbed your shoulders. He bent down a bit, leveling with you eye to eye.

"You've got to be fucking— sick or something." He scanned your face, frowning and feeling your temperature. "You do look a little bit delusional to me."

You couldn't help the small giggle that fell from your lips as you smacked Harry's hand away. "Stop it!"

Harry's lips formed in a smile, but his hands stayed on your face, both of them cupping your jaw as he rose your head ever so slightly to meet his eyes again.

"I didn't force that record label to sign you on. Your talent did that for you." He assured you. "Give yourself some credit."

You sniffed a laugh, and Harry's head tilted at the sound, not understanding what was so funny about this situation.

"Sandy— my manager said the same thing."

"I like your manager already." The gleam in his eye revealed enough. He was proud of you for leaving Reece, to have finally been done with that. You were happy about it too, and proud of yourself for doing so. But it was impossible not to look back on that and know that if it weren't for Harry it would've taken you longer to see how messed up your former manager was behaving.

The unspoken words that hung between the two of you instilled a layer of thickness to the air that made it difficult to breathe as you took in those green eyes that you occasionally still dreamed about. Harry was quick to try and fade the awkwardness away, something he'd never really rushed to do before. It made you wonder, if this impromptu visit of yours had made him... nervous?

"You've changed." He noted. "You look... more grown up."

"I have a boyfriend." You felt the need to announce, but it didn't shift anything between the two of you. You didn't know why you had expected it would. He went after you when you were in love with another man, why would a boyfriend stop him from holding your face in the palm of his hand?

"Of course you do." He grinned at you. It wasn't a taunting response, rather a pleased one. Like he expected you to, because you deserved to have one, and it was only natural for a girl like you.

"I miss you."

The sentence fled your mouth before you could even think twice. It was second nature to confess this thought. It was that feeling of those bricks, that terrible stomach ache you had been trying to ignore all day. You missed him. You missed this life, the chaos he introduced you to.

"I miss you too." He said with a lightness you hadn't expected but knew the meaning of. It was the kind that didn't lessen the impact of the statement, but made you realize the fixed truth. The one thing that had stayed the same. You couldn't be together.

"I should go." You whispered, despite every nerve in your body wanting to stay in that very office until the end of time. You took his hands off your face and slowly began to head for the door, when Harry's voice made you turn around.

"Y/N."

"Yes." You breathed, watching him struggle to bring that emotion that hid in his eyes to words. When it came out, it was strangled, but laced in sincerity.

"You're always gonna be mine, you know," he sighed. "to take care of."

A smile crept up your face, a sense of finality finally finding its way through your bones. A finality for hiding the way you really wanted to live. Messily, chaotically. You liked this rollercoaster so much, but you gave it up too early thinking it wasn't meant for you. But now you knew, this was your favorite ride. This was how you wanted to live.

"I know, Harry." You nodded your head slowly. "I'll see you around."

This time, you meant those words. You were going to see him around. And what would happen between the two of you was uncertain, but that was okay, as long as it made you feel free.

[black-arcana]

TUOMAS HOLOPAINEN Reveals His Favorite Thing About Each NIGHTWISH Bandmate

In a new interview with Bear Wiseman of Off The Record, NIGHTWISH keyboardist and main songwriter Tuomas Holopainen was asked to name his favorite thing about each one of his bandmates, guitarist Emppu Vuorinen, multi-instrumentalist Troy Donockley, singer Floor Jansen, drummer Kai Hahto and bassist Jukka Koskinen. He responded (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET): "They are the only other people in the world that I think about when I'm writing songs, because it's really important that they would be inspired about the stuff as well.

"I've known Emppu for more than 30 years, and he's just an incredible persona in the way that everything's always good with him," Tuomas continued. "He's the easiest-going bandmember there is. He does his job — his guitar playing is as professional as anybody — but other than that, it's always, like, 'Yeah, whatever.' 'Yeah, that sounds good. I'm fine.' He's so carefree, I'm almost envious about that because I worry about stuff constantly. So to get into his mind every now and then would be something else. He's a wonderful character. Same goes with Troy. He's just the most positive guy in the world. An incredible musician. Every time he enters the room, the room is filled with light and happiness and comedy. Yeah, he has definitely realized something thorough about life. Yeah, wonderful."

Tuomas added: "Floor is the best in the world in what she does. Really passionate about music, really understands the core of NIGHTWISH. And for me as a songwriter, that's such a relief because I know that whatever I do, whatever I want her to do, she's able to do. And a good example of this was when we recorded her vocals for this new album [the upcoming 'Yesterwynde']. We hadn't rehearsed once because we didn't have a chance. And we went to her home studio in Sweden. We had reserved two weeks for the recordings, and she was done in six days. Incredible, just incredible in what she does. Then Kai, too, again, the most amiable guy there is. I think he has like 25 guests on every single show we do and he doesn't know half of them. Yeah, everybody's his friend. So easy to be with. Pro musician, of course, obviously. What a drummer. But just fantastic guy. And same goes with Jukka. I mean, I've never, ever seen him angry or even agitated. He's just, like, 'Yeah, things will be okay. Let's talk about this.' And yeah, just a grounding personality. When you feel a bit agitated yourself, Jukka comes to you and you're, like, 'Oh, okay.' And a great bass player, of course. So lucky to be surrounded by these wonderful people. I really am."

NIGHTWISH's new album, "Yesterwynde", will be released on September 20 via Nuclear Blast. It marks the band's tenth studio LP, following on from the release of "Human. :II: Nature." in 2020.

In 2023, NIGHTWISH announced that the band wouldn't stage any tours in support of its then-unannounced tenth album. In a statement, Tuomas and his bandmates explained that "personal" reasons were the reason for the live hiatus and clarified that it had nothing to do with Jansen's then-pregnancy. The singer gave birth to her second daughter in October 2023.

In an interview with Metal Hammer last month, Holopainen said that NIGHTWISH still have no plans to tour after the release of "Yesterwynde".

"The reasons [for the live break] are personal," he said. "We're not going to go into it, but it was something that had to be done for this band to continue. There's no bad blood between the members, nothing like that. We just have to take a long breather."

The follow-up to 2015's "Endless Forms Most Beautiful", "Human. :II: Nature." was a double album containing nine tracks on the main CD and one long track, divided into eight chapters, on CD 2.

In August 2022, NIGHTWISH announced the addition of Koskinen as an official member of the band. Koskinen, who made his live debut with NIGHTWISH in May 2021 at the band's two interactive experiences, had spent the previous year touring with NIGHTWISH as a session musician.

In November 2022, Jansen revealed that she was "cancer free" after undergoing surgery to have a tumor removed following a breast cancer diagnosis.

Photo credit: Tim Tronckoe (courtesy of Nuclear Blast)

[turnstileskyline]

RockSound June 3rd, 2024 – Dallon Weekes Interview (Transcript under the cut)

hello all!!!! i am still taking a little tumblr break (gonna upload and dip) but my copy of the rocksound idkhow issue came so i wanted to get these photographed and transcribed because i know i have shaky hands. (if you spot any mistakes let me know and i'll fix them asap!)

Taking Over The World (One Show At A Time)

As they close out their UK headline tour, IDHKOW's Dallon Weekes reflects on the lessons learned from taking 'Gloom Division' out on the road.

Words James Wilson-Taylor

Photos Corinne Cumming

Now that the UK tour has come to an end, how are you reflecting on this latest run of shows? Well the shows were fantastic. All of the crowds were great and it was really exciting to be back there after, you know, COVID and the album delays and everything. It's felt like it was forever since we've been back. But to be able to go back with this new lineup that I have, it was pretty special. Because I feel like the live show has grown a lot. Being able to add more live musicians to it, and rely less upon synth tracks and things like that. To have people up on stage actually doing it live, we're a little more untethered, which, must like that tour itself, was pretty chaotic. But we seem to thrive on chaos. So it worked out. It was really fun.

Did it click together quite quickly with the new band? What were the initial live rehearsals like? It was really fun for me. My heart goes out to the guys who are playing for me because they had this whole catalogue of music to learn before we hit the road, but they are such professionals and so talented too and most of them live here around Utah where I'm from. Anthony, my guitar player, still is in LA. But whenever shows come up, he flies out here so we get some proper full band rehearsals. But to be able to have really professional musicians dig into the songs and learn how to play them and have some input as well is really invaluable to me because I always really enjoy when a live show has tiny deviations from the recorded versions of the album that you might have in your collection. Sometimes bands can go a little too far from that and it can be fun sometimes. But it can also be a bummer, it kind of depends on the song, I guess. But I like having small moments or extended bits, or maybe an idea that you got post recording an album, when you're all jamming it together and someone does something cool. And you go, 'Dammit, I wish that was on the record'. So you just put it in the live show and it makes for a cool experience, I think.

With the added band members, it gives you a little extra freedom to step away from the bass at moments and explore your position as a frontman. It feels good, but it's interesting too, because that was never on my bucket list. I never had that in mind for my life to be a frontman, or a lead singer. I just always wanted to make music and write and record and have that be my job. I've been lucky enough to have achieved that goal. But, you know, circumstances being what they are, I eventually landed into that role without having it as a goal, but it's something that I do enjoy. It's something I did years ago with Brobecks. But between then and now it's been more than a decade. So I think it took me a minute to sort of relearn that role and find myself in that role again, and luckily once it started rolling, it didn't take long for me to find that footing again. But there was that learning curve where I tried to remember how to be in this spot, rather than just filling a spot on the side of that stage just playing bass. So yeah, it's been fun to be able to put it down every once in a while and have a little more freedom to wander around or spill water bottles all over the stage, which is a bad habit of mine.

It also allows for a nice relationship with the audience. I mean, that's something you've always had – it almost feels like a conversation in places. It's a little secret club in a way for all these fans. That was the impetus when it started. Because this was a secret project, no one was supposed to know about it. And I really had no goals in mind for it other than to get some music out of my head and play it for a bunch of strangers that didn't know what other bands I'd ever been in and see if that art that I was making could stand on it's own two feet without waving some giant flag saying, 'Hey, everybody, I was in this band before, come and see what I'm doing.' There was something about that which felt really disingenuous and kind of gross to me. So starting this project in secret with this ridiculous band name that no one could ever find appealing made a lot of sense at the time. But as things snowballed – and what a wonderful problem to have, I'm talking about this like it's some sort of bad thing but it's not, it's a great thing – eventually it became too late to choose a more sensible band name. But, you know, band names are ridiculous anyway, so who cares? I guess the secret is just to not care. But yeah, finding that role again. It took a minute, but it's been a lot of fun. I'm enjoying it a lot.

In terms of the newer songs in the set, did playing them live and seeing the audience reaction change your opinion about them at all? It's a similar feeling for both me and the audience. Because the way that writing and recording music works now is different from how it was 20 years ago. You used to write your song, go out and play it every night, workshop it, tighten the screws on it, and then you go record it and put on a record. Now, with Youtube and streaming services and bootlegs and things, you have to keep a tight lid on this new stuff that you're working on until it's been officially released. So now, you write your song and you record it and then you learn how to play it afterwards. So taking those out into the world for the first time on stage after you've recorded it, I think it's a new experience for the audience and for the performers as well, because you get a handle on this new thing that you've already recorded. Then night by night, kind of like I mentioned before, someone might do something different. The song sort of evolves and changes a little bit from the way that you recorded it. I think there's a lot of fun to be had in that. Sometimes those things can only happen once you are in front of people and playing those songs. It's all a really organic process and I really enjoy that.

I guess the other thing you had to consider was how best to balance this new material, which pushed you into some new places musically, with the older songs that everybody knows. It's become a challenge now because when this thing started, I hadn't recorded or released anything. It was about four or five months of playing dive bars in secret and just denying that this was even a thing while I was recording. Then by the time we did have something out there, I think we put a song on YouTube first with no record label, no radio, nothing. Then that song just kind of took off. Then we were expected to fill an hour whenever we would go on tour and we had only released five songs. So learning that frontman role and stretching bits out and filling in our set with some covers and maybe some old Brobecks songs, that was the challenge. Now, the challenge has become picking a setlist that has bits and pieces of stuff that you love and that the audience would appreciate from the past and from the current record. So it's a different challenge now, but it's one that I'm enjoying. Revisiting stuff that is important to me from the past and things that I really like playing and stuff that the audience either needs to hear, because we're promoting it, or is stuff that I know they have responded to well in the past and that they'd like to hear. So it's a combination of different factors to make a decent setlist, I think, but I try to keep all that stuff in mind.

One particularly special moment at the London show was when Will Joseph Cook joined you onstage to perform your collaboration "Sunnyside'. That was fun. He's a London boy. The algorithm sent me some of his music a couple of years back and it was a song called 'Take Me Dancing', one of his songs from maybe four or five years ago. It was one of those songs that when you hear it as a songwriter, it's so good that it kind of pisses you off, you know? Dammit, that's good. So I reached out to him to see if he wanted to collaborate on some stuff, and it's been a great working relationship ever since. Then we just pass each other ideas back and forth all the time. He hit me up and asked if he could come to the London show and I said, 'Why don't you come out on stage and we'll sing this 'Sunnyside' song that we to wrote together'. He's like, fuck yeah, so we hooked up a spare microphone and ran it on soundcheck and then brought them out on stage for the set. It was a lot of fun to be able to do that. To play it live with the person who helped cowrite that was pretty special.

So you see that collaborative relationship continuing on more songs in the future? We hung out pretty much all day that day backstage and showed each other ideas that we have floating around. After I got home, I send him some more songs. So yeah, we're definitely going to keep that collaborative working relationship going. He's a good young man with a bright future.

You have also been able to bring some more Brobecks songs into your setlist and put a new, IDKHOW twist on them. Are there any more of those older songs you'd like to re-record or perform again? I've got a shortlist of maybe four or five old Brobecks songs that I think never really got a proper chance to be a proper song, you know, whether that was because we didn't have enough money to record it properly or get it mixed or mastered or even release it. Then I eventually released the songs in a vacuum and no one ever really heard it. But there's four or five I think that I would still like to give a proper chance to. It's not super high on the priority list. But it is something that I'm interested in because I am a fan of songs. And you know, probably more so than albums as a whole, I'm a song man. There are a few from the past that I think had some potential. But I would probably have to consider, you know, the passage of time in between when I first wrote them as a young man and, if I did rerecord and release, now there might have to be some lyric adjustments or something because I don't know how well some lyric choices when you're 22 would go over when you're 42. So there might be some rewrites in order. But revisiting some of those I think would be fun because this project and that project, they aren't unrelated to each other. I very well could have easily called this The Brobecks. But whenever I started this, putting a period at the end of that old project seemed like the right move and moving on to something new that didn't have any baggage to carry along with it. It felt like the move. But yeah, that doesn't mean that that stuff isn't still important to me. It's still very meaningful and I really love playing old Brobecks songs and I think that I always will.

Now that you have had some time to reflect since the release of 'GLOOM DIVISION', how are you feeling about that collection of songs now? It's interesting how your perspective changes on things. When I first recorded it, and was getting ready to release it, I was so excited and I thought this was the best work that I've ever done. Then even with the good reviews that it has gotten and the fan response, there was still more mixed reviews, or mixed feelings, about it than I thought there would be. But seeing that happen has given me a sort of step back, trying to be more objective, which is hard to do when you're making art, you know, because it really is for you. That's still number one for me whenever I make art. It is for me, and I want to like the thing that I'm making. That's the most important bit and if anyone else happens to like it, that's just a really great bonus. But I made this record and I loved it and I thought that surely everyone else would too. All of my favourite records and the things that I draw inspiration from are not popular records. These are not things that were at the top of the charts. You know, even on some of my top 10 Records of all time – Elvis Costello's 'This Year's Model' or The Flaming Lips or Ben Folds Five, all of my favourite stuff, these were never people that lived at the top of the charts. So, to me, the response kind of makes sense. As long as you're making something that you like, and you're not trying to play to the gallery, then whatever their response is, so be it.

UK artists in particular seem to have always had a big influence on you. I've been a sucker for everything British since I got into the Beatles, and if it was from the 60s and it was British then I was all about it. Even in the 90s, | was a big Britpop fan. In the post grunge-90s, Britpop in America was not the cool thing to be into, but I was all about it. Blur was my favourite. I loved Pulp and I liked Oasis too. That was my shit back in the 90s while everyone else was listening to Rage Against The Machine, which I can appreciate more now. Back then, I viewed it as the stuff my older brother and his friends were into and they're all bros. So I was being kind of a little hipster about it. But I love Rage now. But yeah, back then in the 90s, again I was into stuff that wasn't living at the top of the charts.

It must have been particularly exciting to finally come over here and play shows for the first time. Yeah it was very cool to be there finally and see where rock and roll...wasn't born but where it had been fine tuned and perfected. We may have done it first but I'm always of the mindset that y'all did it best. There's no pride in regards to, you know, who did what and when. I'm a fan of what y'all do. I love it over there.

One UK show that must stick in the memory was when you played Brixton Academy in 2016 with Panic! At The Disco just after David Bowie had passed away. That must have been quite a surreal but special moment. I remember waking up in my hotel that day to the news and being hit with it harder than I probably thought I would have ever been. I'd always been a big Bowie fan, but sometimes you don't really realize how much you like something until it's gone, which is kind of fucked up. So I woke up to the news that he had died and I cried a little bit, you know, which kind of surprised me. Then I went out walking the streets, because we had a full day before we had to be at the venue for soundcheck, and his music was everywhere. Walking past that mural that's down the street from the venue where people had made this makeshift memorial, there was this awesome sense of community. That was a great reminder about the importance behind art and behind music. All of these people walking the streets, they might not share anything in common, but at least for today, or that day, everyone's sharing this art that this man made. There's something so special about that. Whenever an artist passes along from this world, you hope that your art that you make continues to be enjoyed by people and that way you get to sort of live on and still impact people. So that's the hope. I certainly hope that's the case with me and I'm sure I'm not alone in that. Playing that venue in particular, or really any historical venue where I know for sure that someone I love has played there and has walked down this staircase to the stage just like I'm doing, I always think about that right before we're about to take the stage. There's something intimidating about it and something comforting about it at the same time.

Similarly, when you played Camden Electric Ballroom with IDKHOW, that is another venue with so much history. There is a plaque outside in memory of when Prince performed there. That's another reason why I really love playing in London because there's so many choices. You throw a stone and there's a gig happening somewhere and you have your choice of just about anything under the sun that you can go see. So the fact that there are people on the other side of the world that would choose to come see this project and watch us play the songs that I write here in my basement is nothing short of a miracle to me. This last round of shows that we played over there, particularly that last show in London, to be able to have that venue full of people is so special to me and does not go unappreciated.

[cwritesforfun]

Eddie Roundtree x Fem!Reader: LOVE

You work closely with Rod and focus on booking bands for festivals. You know Teddy because you've attended rehearsals of different bands and he's always friendly with you.

Your First Name = Y/N Your Last Name = L/N Narrator = Julia Dunne (but Narrator for sake of the story)

**** the timeline is going to seem weird lol but I'm just writing what I want to write lol

Narrator: Could you just introduce yourself and what you do? Y/N: Of course, so my name is Y/N. Back in the '70s, I was attending college while also interning/assisting a festival booking agent. My boss, Mr. Murray, trusted me and was too high to do his job most of the time, so I got to find bands for festivals. It was amazing. I've always loved music and I love discovering new music even now. Narrator: And when did you meet The Six? Y/N: I met them as they were recording Aurora. Teddy invited me as well as their tour manager, Rod, who was someone I knew in the music industry to hear what they would be playing for upcoming concerts. I had heard Honeycomb and like the rest of the world, I was hooked by the new sound that the Six brought to the world. I was very excited, but I had to act professionally at the rehearsal. It was my job.

You arrive at the rehearsal, see Rod parking next to you, and you smile. Perfect timing. You shake hands with him before you both head inside to the rehearsal space. All heads turn our way.

Y/N: My first thought was how hot the whole band was. Eddie: Y/N was so beautiful. She was dressed so professionally and held herself so confidently when she first walked in.

Rod exclaims, "This is Y/N, she's a festival booking agent intern." Billy asks, "So, where's the other festival booking agent? The Mr. Murray." You answer, "Mr. Murray is unavailable today but will be present at the festival. To clarify, I am your primary point of contact regarding festivals and have the necessary authority to make decisions about festival lineups. If you have any doubts about my ability to do so, I can inform Mr. Murray that your band is not interested in playing festivals." Billy replies, "No no. You're great actually. I guess I just thought he would be here." You snap, "Learn to accept that people might let you down." Daisy replies, "Story of my life. My name is Daisy Jones."

Y/N: I was used to everyone thinking that I was too young and that I wouldn't be able to do my job. That's how so many bands were put on the blacklist for festivals. I would just label them as Uninterested. Do I regret snapping at Billy? No. I know the lead singer stereotype and also I wanted to book The Six. Eddie: I was in love with her. As soon as she stood up to Billy, I wanted to bow down at her feet and just praise her. Daisy: I liked Y/N. I liked her confidence in her position. It was refreshing to see young women who were taking over male roles. Billy: Y/N was right to snap. I shouldn't have assumed anything. Rod: I forget Y/N was only 21 when this happened. She seemed so mature in her responses.

The band sets up to play a few songs for you and Rod. You take a seat on the couch with Rod and he offers you a glass of champagne, which you gladly take. The band plays and you love it so much.

Y/N: I loved Daisy Jones and The Six. They were amazing, especially their new album. Each song brought something new and was collectively beautiful. Eddie kept meeting my eyes as he played. It was hot. Billy: After we played for Y/N and Rod, it was nerve-wracking. I didn't know what would happen or when. Rod said he knew we would sell places out. I was surprised how quick Y/N flipped through her binder and found a slot for us at 3 festivals. I shouldn't have doubted her abilities. She showed us how she picked them, why they aligned with our music, and how they would promote our music more. She clearly had a passion for festivals and music. Eddie: Y/N gave us all business cards with her number. Did I want to use it for personal reasons? Yes. Did I? Not yet. Daisy: I was the first one from the band to call Y/N on her personal phone. She seemed surprised to hear from me. See, Camila invited me to a house party with the rest of the band and I didn't want to show up alone. I knew the band liked Y/N and she was intimidating, so I invited her to go with me. She said yes. Y/N: Hahaha, yeah it was so weird. Usually, my first call from the band is someone claiming there is something wrong with their hotel room and that mine would be better. That one never works. They just want sex. I also get asked to become a groupie because bands love my energy at shows. So Daisy's call inviting me to a party was actually kind of nice. I shouldn't mix work with fun, but who cares? I was 21 and needed some fun in my life. I also didn't own a car, so sharing a taxi was fun. Daisy and I drank a whole bottle of wine.

Daisy drops the extra bottle of wine and we both just laugh then she seems annoyed. You exclaim, "Look, you still have the pineapple and I still have cookies. They don't need wine." She replies, "Yeah, but I feel like Billy will hold this against me." You reply, "Direct him to me then." She smiles.

We walk in and Camila is happy. She excitedly talks to us and gets us drinks. She seems sweet. Billy walks over and you can feel the tense energy in the room. He apologizes to you for what he said when you first met. You thank him and ask where the rest of the band is only to find out they are all outside.

You make your way outside, see more drinks, grab one, and then the rest of the band sees you. Warren pulls you into a hug, which you weren't expecting. Then Graham and Karen give you hugs. Then Eddie gives you one and you feel your heartbeat skip a beat. Great.

Graham asks, "So, how was the ride with Daisy?" You answer, "We drank a whole bottle of wine. It was good." Warren laughs and asks, "Have you heard any bands better than us for festivals?" You answer, "No, you all are my favorite. But, you can't tell anyone. It will ruin my job. I'm serious. If I find out one of you ruined this job for me, you're done." Karen says, "I think you need more alcohol." You nod and answer, "I do." Eddie: Y/N was intimidating. She was a smart and beautiful woman who didn't put up with anyone's shit. I was scared to talk to her. But, Warren convinced me to approach her and talk to her at that party. I was nervous as hell, but that conversation was good. We talked for a while and we got to know each other. Y/N: Eddie was so nervous and it was so cute. I was nervous too. I didn't want to slip up and ruin my job. I also was nervous about having a crush on a member of a band. I worked with several and I was worried he just wanted to use me for sex. Graham: I've never seen Eddie like that. He was with one girl for the whole party. He even called her a taxi to go home because she didn't want to spend the night. He was head over heels for her. Y/N: Eddie and I hung out just us two a few times before they went on tour. It was hard to get together because I was usually out of town or visiting bands and he was always rehearsing. I also went to another party at the band's house and I spent the night that time. I stayed in Eddie's bed next to him and that night was the start of our relationship. We both couldn't sleep and we both confessed that we liked each other. It was cute. Eddie: I still can't believe she liked me at the time. We went on a few dates, but then the tour was about to start. She was worried about my lifestyle during the tour and she told me that festival season kept her busy and that she was worried we wouldn't make time for each other. She also told me that it was okay if I slept with other girls because we weren't really in a relationship yet. I was falling in love with her at the time, but I hadn't fully come to terms with that yet. I told her she was the only one for me, but she didn't seem to trust me and I wouldn't have trusted me then either. I was still high or drunk all the time with no thoughts about the future. I wasn't the most trustworthy guy, but I wanted to be for Y/N. Trust is built and I know that. So, I agreed to a temporary break-up at least until the end of the tour if we still wanted to date at that point.

FESTIVAL STOP #1 ... 2 weeks into TOUR

Eddie: I was so excited to see Y/N again. I missed her and I realized I loved her when we were apart. I fell in love fast and that was scary to me because I knew that what I felt was real and what if she did not feel the same way. It was scary. When we pulled up to the festival in the middle of this desert, it was Mr. Murray waiting for us and I was so worried for Y/N. I didn't understand where she was and why she didn't greet us. I was worried she was fired or mad at me. Karen: I've never seen Eddie so worried or Billy so confused. You could tell that Mr. Murray didn't know the festival that well and Billy was annoyed about it. Eddie asked about Y/N at least 3 times. Mr. Murray just told us that she was our guide and we would see her later. I think Eddie had a lot on his mind and needed to see Y/N to be able to relax before the show. Y/N: Mr. Murray was hopeless. He was meeting the bands at the gate, but he wasn't giving them proper instructions. He would give them instructions on how to find the trailers and tell them when they were set to perform and that was it. I would have to find the bands long before their set and give them a proper rundown to make sure everything ran smoothly. I was running back and forth across the festival to make sure things went smoothly logistically. It was a nightmare of a day for the most part... Eddie was the light in my rather dark day.

You find Daisy Jones and The Six sitting outside the band trailers smoking. They all look so happy to see you and Rod says, "We had a great chat with your boss. I think Billy really enjoyed him." You glance at Billy who rolls his eyes. You laugh and exclaim, "That's why I'm here. I know you need a rundown and I'm here to make sure you know what to do for tonight. Is everyone ready?" They all nod and you talk them through the whole rest of the day/night. They ask questions and you're quick to clarify it all. By the end, they seem to understand everything and seem better off. You exclaim, "Great chat, okay, I'm going to find the 3 pm band. Their set is in 45 minutes and they have no crew nearby ready for setup. I will be back for you 40 minutes before your set unless Rod takes you to the stage." Rod says, "I don't mind. You seem busy. I know where to go and how to avoid crazy fans." You nod and you start to leave when you feel a hand on your wrist. You turn to see Eddie looking down at you with worried eyes asking you, "Can we talk?" You answer, "Sure," before you can stop yourself.

You lead Eddie to a quieter spot in the band area and he asks, "So... um... how have you been?" You sigh and ask, "Is this just to catch up? Listen, Eddie, today has been really stressful and my boss is making everything worse. If this isn't pressing, I need to go and fix this festival. If we need to talk, I will be off tonight and with you for a week. I can't wait to be off work and traveling with you for a week." He looks down at his hands and asks, "Was there anyone else while I was gone?" You take his hands in yours and answer, "No, there wasn't." He smiles and says, "Good. You're kind of it for me and I wanted to make sure we were on the same page." You press a light kiss on his cheek and say, "You're the only one for me too. I need to go, Eddie. You're going to play great tonight and I can't wait to see you perform live. I also cannot wait to travel with you. I do need to go." He kisses me on the cheek and says, "Thank you, and good luck. You got this, Y/N. I'll see you later."

Daisy Jones & The Six hit the stage. They're stunning. You swear, they just keep getting better and better. The audience goes crazy for them and you see so many silly fan signs about Billy. You even notice Mr. Murray enjoying the performance. You gave the band the sunset slot and

After their set, you're still double-checking everything for the headliner, but you notice the band lingering backstage. You run over to them, and ask, "Hey, if you guys want to watch our headliner, you can go upstairs to the second-floor view or you can watch over here. Whichever you prefer really." Daisy asks, "When are you free??" You answer, "Oh, I still need to make sure the headliner gets here and set-up for that is good. I can relax during their set, but then I have to make sure they get out of here just fine. I can't leave until it's all done. I have the name of the hotel you're staying at from Eddie and I can meet you all there after. I don't to keep you waiting." Rod says, "Dear Y/N, you will make one hell of a festival booking agent one day. I'm going to speak to your boss' boss about you." You say, "Thank you, sir. That's really kind of you." Mr. Murray storms over and says, "Y/N, we have an issue. Follow me." You wave bye to the band and follow your boss.

Y/N: They all stayed for the headliner. I left with them because Rod told my boss that they needed me that night. Mr. Murray didn't even fight him on it. I was happy about that. Narrator: What happened to Mr. Murray? Y/N: He was fired a few days after the festival. Most of the bands complained about him to their tour managers and their tour managers spoke to HR and HR spoke to his boss. I was called about the news while I was with Daisy Jones and The Six. I was also offered a pay increase until graduation and a full-time position after graduation. I would be able to view and sign the contract upon my return to work. Narrator: How was your week off? Y/N: It was one of the best weeks of my life.

You arrive at the hotel, happy to have a week off from work. You sit with the band in Daisy's bus eating burgers. You're still not sure how Rod knew your order. You were sitting on Eddie's lap on the couch next to Warren. Eddie has his arm wrapped tightly around your waist as if you were going to leave at any time.

Warren exclaims, "Y/N, Eddie asked your boss several times where you were earlier. Your boss didn't seem to want to answer that. I think he hated us. Because then Billy was sassing him and was annoyed too. Does your boss hate you or something?" You answer, "He didn't answer because he really had no idea where I was. I was running from stage to stage and to the trailers the whole day fixing his mess. It's his fault for not doing his job in the first place." Warren says, "You really helped Eddie relax before the show, Y/N. Did you guys have really hot sex or something?" You cough up some of the drink you were sipping on and Eddie says, "Dude, not cool." Warren shrugs and laughs then starts talking animatedly to a groupie. Eddie leans to your ear and whispers, "Let me know when you want to go. We have a hotel room for just us." I turn to face him and say, "That was very forward of you." His face blushes bright red and he says, "I wasn't saying that, but I mean I wouldn't mind that." You laugh and you lean in to kiss him on the lips, which he does.

You spend another hour or two with the band drinking and finally, you tell Eddie that you're tired. You take a shower together then get into bed. You lay your head on his chest and exclaim, "Just so you know, I'm really happy to be here right now." He asks, "Do you mean on tour, on break from work, or with me?" You answer, "All three, but mainly with you. I missed you a lot. I'm sorry I told you that we should part ways until the time was right. I was overthinking and overreacting to something that hadn't even happened." He kisses your forehead and says, "I missed you a lot too. I wrote a song about you. I also ... I think you should know that I'm falling in love with you and I can't stop myself." You look at him and kiss him on the lips. You say, "I'm falling in love with you too, Eddie. I want to hear that song one day when you're happy with it." He smiles and says, "You will, baby."

Eddie: We spent that night together and we were so blissfully happy. That was an amazing night. She loved me back. All was right in the world. Y/N: We were rudely awoken by Warren who came running into the room to tell us about the night he had. Eddie kept pulling me closer and closer the whole time as Warren spoke. Warren told us that our PDA was too much before he left. Eddie: I was happy. There was never enough PDA with the one you love. Warren: Haha yeah those two were attached at the hip the whole week starting that very first night and they were always kissing or touching in some way. I wanted that so badly. I wanted a girlfriend. My time would come just not yet. Y/N: The rest of that week was amazing. We had a great week together. When I had to return to work, Eddie and I both cried. The band drove me to the airport and I saw tears in all of their eyes. I loved to see that they loved me as much as I loved them. I truly loved that band, mainly Eddie. I got back to work and was promoted. It was great. I saw Eddie and the band at two more festivals. I didn't know that the last festival was going to be the last time I saw them all together as a band. I wish I had treasured that performance and that experience more. When Eddie left the band, he just showed up at my door. Eddie: I left and I knew where I had to go. I had to go to the one place where I felt at home and at peace. I went to see Y/N. She made me feel loved and appreciated. I love her. Narrator: I notice a wedding ring. Y/N: Eddie and I got engaged a year after the band broke up. Then, we got married a year after that. Warren was Eddie's best man and he was so happy for us. We were happy to have him there. Daisy and Karen showed up too. They were both so happy for us. Billy sent a present and a sweet note. Graham was also busy that weekend. Graham visited us with his wife once. Eddie was so happy at our wedding, and so was I. It was the best night of my life. Eddie: That wedding was the happiest night of my life. I married the love of my life. It was pure bliss. Warren: Eddie and Y/N's wedding was great. There was lots of booze, lots of dancing, and delicious food. Lisa and I had a great time there. Karen kept running on stage to play songs on the keyboard with the band, they loved it. Daisy was happy for Y/N and it was good to see her happy again. Daisy: I love Y/N. I wouldn't have missed her wedding for the world. Eddie is cool. I'm glad he and Y/N are together. Karen: I don't remember most of their wedding after 10 pm. I drank a lot and had a massive hangover the next day. I had fun. I was happy that Eddie found his soulmate. Y/N: Karen said I was Eddie's soulmate and it certainly feels like we were meant to be together. Narrator: And did you get the festival booking agent job? Y/N: Haha yeah I did. I run the place now. I still book festivals, but there is more flexibility with this job. I get to do what I love, which is something I am so proud to say. Eddie is a producer and he sends some of his clients to me for festivals. We love it when we see each other at work. We call each other work wife and work husband. Eddie: I love my job and I love seeing Y/N at work. My work and home wife forever and ever.

[pjsk-headcanons]

back from the void, got obsessed with the grind a bit too much (up to interpretation on which game) but heyyyy what did i misss

imaginarium phantom - theater SEKAI

-formed by nene, later joined by ichika, airi, and kohane

-starts with miku and luka

- consists of a large "circus tent" (???) and a small beach area outside (they dont go there until post 2nd anni

- there is a day/night cycle, but they only saw sunlight/moonlight/sunrise light through the cracks in the tent. there was onw time where they had to push a recording date later because some of the equipment got soaked

miku: lead actor. commanding and cheerful. like nene, she had stage fright and it comes back in parts when there are REALLY dramatic bits. she didn't want to be lead actress, but pre-first SEKAI visit the VIRTUAL SINGERS helped her she got over the fear. normal hair style and length, but the colour is REALLY BRIGHT (like neon. like burns your eyes a little bit)

rin: actress. really mischevious. she likes pretending to be the villain in all of the practice shows and also pranks her brother all the time. joins the SEKAI pre ~2nd anni. part of ichikas feelings.

len: set co-director. short temper and quick (the type of person who thinks work is a race). acts sometimes? gets pranked by rin a lot but lets it slide most of the time. part of airi's feelings. joins the SEKAI pre ~1st anni.

luka: director. soft spoken with an insane commanding presence (everyone gets spooked by her). was the one who formed the troupe, enjoys writing scripts n such. personality improves throughout the timeline (like niigo miku kinda??)

MEIKO: actress. hear me out. wine aunt theater MEIKO. it'll work out i promise. she's really caring but really gullible. likes acting dramatically. part of kohane's feelings. joins the SEKAI pre ~1st anni.

KAITO: actor. probably the most mature? not in a fatherly way but more like a concerned big brother than fusses over little papercuts (looks at tsukasa). really good at improvising. tends to the equipment the most. part of nene's feelings. joins the SEKAI post ~1st anni.

asking mod and anyone else if they have any questions about the au, because maybe that will get me more motivated to write faster. and YES i am planning on posting the designs. eventually...

as always, have a great day mod and anyone else who reads this :D

🌐 anon

.

[hauntedestheart]

Artist Development (Male Possession)

Fame can change people. More specifically, fame can change people into me.

Who am I? I'm nobody and everybody. The biggest star in the world and a complete mystery at the same time. I've sold millions of records without anyone learning my name– you've heard my music, you just didn't know it was mine.

Wondering how this is possible? Let me tell you. I will remain anonymous and names will be redacted, but here's the tea on one of the industry's best kept secrets.

I was just a kid from Nowhere, Iowa (so to speak) who thought music was going to be my ticket out, and I was so sure about it that I dropped out of school and chased my dreams all the way to LA. After all, I was a great singer, played twelve instruments, wrote my own songs... surely I had everything it took to become the next big sensation in music!

Cue the laugh track.

Labels were always excited to meet with me after hearing my demos, but the second they saw my face they couldn't get me out of the room fast enough. I wasn't ugly, just... plain. Unremarkable. Average. And labels aren't interested in signing someone you could see walking down the street.

See, the sad thing about the music industry is that talent is only about 10% of what it takes. Maybe 15% on a good day. Having a successful career is 50% image (a fancy way of saying "being hot"), and that was something that I lacked.

But that remaining 40%? That's how willing you are to play the game, and that ended up being my saving grace.

My career was going nowhere fast, and after years of being beaten down by the industry I was on the verge of calling it quits and limping back home to Iowa. Then I got a call from a label (that shall remain nameless) asking for a meeting.

After years of rejecting me they were now offering me a deal: a guaranteed album release, collaborations with the best writers and producers in the business, a national tour, and a multi-million dollar marketing push.

The catch? I wouldn't be doing it as me.

Apparently the label had snapped up some kid that they were convinced had tons of star potential, but executives were nervous that he was a bit too green to succeed in the industry and they had come up with a radical new solution that could revolutionize artist development. Their r&d team had developed certain technology that could transfer consciousness from one human to another, effectively allowing them complete control over another person's body and live as them indefinitely.

The plan was to implant someone else into the kid's body and have them bear the brunt of his early years– someone with talent, experience, and most importantly, someone desperate that they could control. Someone just like me.

Though what we were doing was entirely legal (just a tip to any aspiring artists out there, always read the fine print in your contracts), for obvious reasons the label wanted to keep it on the down-low. The deal was that I'd "help" him through his first album, and then disappear into the shadows... but during that time I'd get to be a superstar.

Naturally I was conflicted. It was a tempting offer, but it was strange knowing that none of the success would truly be mine. No one would ever know my name. Was a hollow victory better than a defeat? Was I willing to sacrifice my artistic integrity for success?

Turned out the answer was "yes."

What sealed the deal for me was when they showed me a picture of the kid... a tall, strapping white boy who looked like he was built in a lab by thirsty gay men. I'd get to live my dream, and I'd get to do it looking like that? I'd be an idiot to pass that up.

So I accepted and turned him into the superstar he is today. Perhaps you've heard of him.

I spent two years piloting his body while he got his career off the ground, and with his face and my talent it wasn't long until I was topping the charts... and plenty of groupies as well. Fame is the ultimate aphrodisiac, but having tight abs doesn't hurt either! His penis was actually smaller than mine (bummer) but the rest of the package more than made up for it; the face of the boy next door with a body built for sin.

After years of being unremarkable, being a star went to my head fast and I'm not ashamed to admit that I became a bit of a slut... but trust me, if you could experience what it's like to be the hottest young thing on the scene, you'd do the same. I used that guy's body to fuck men and women in every city across America, and I even managed to do it without tarnishing his good boy image.

As long as I never missed a show or appointment, the suits were happy– and it helped that I was sucking them off behind their wives' backs.

(Like I said, you have to be willing to play the game.)

Eventually my contract ended and the label allowed the artist to resume control of his own body, but they were so pleased by my performance that they asked me to help them out with someone else– an established artist whose wild behavior was becoming a bit of a liability. Would I mind stepping in for him for a bit and helping get his career back on track after a few scandals?

And since then my life has been a whirlwind of different bodies. I've become the industry's invisible hatchet man, the enforcer who gets called in to deal with singers who need a bit of extra attention.

I've done it all: broken in newbies, rebranded stars, stood in for legends. I did a year in South Korea as a Kpop star– didn't speak a word of Korean, but that doesn't matter when you're as beautiful as he was. Name a boy band, I've probably spent at least a week as one of their members. I'm everywhere.

By this point I've lived so many lives that it would be pointless to list them all, so I'll stick to the greatest hits.

I took over the body of the frontman of a rock band who didn't want to "sell out" by going in the more sexual, commercial direction that the label wanted for them– which I, of course, had no qualms about. His shirt came off, and everyone was happy about what was underneath.

The other members of the group were skeptical at first, but I can be very persuasive when I put my mind to it. A lot of their fans wound up absolutely hating the new music, but hey, that wasn't any of my business!

Being onstage as a rock star is electrifying, when the music pounds and the crowd screams I feel like an absolute god. When I was up there shaking that wiry body around I knew that every single person in that room wanted to fuck me, and the second I got offstage I did my best to let them. Even if they didn't like the music, none of them complained when I invited them back to my dressing room.

And let me tell you, alt-rock groupies? They're freaky.

A lot of the artists I get assigned to are skinny young men (because every label thinks they're going to launch the next teen idol) so it's always a treat when I get to work as someone a bit more... let's say mature.

Once a popular r&b singer got into a dispute with his label over not wanting to film a certain feline related movie, so I was brought in to smooth things out in my own special way.

His voice wasn't that great but damn, could he move. I had to take a crash course in dancing but thanks to his body's muscle memory in a few weeks I was doing flips and splits I'd never dreamed of. The things his body could do were insane, and I took full advantage of that.

Strictly speaking about bodies, his was the best I've had. He was big in a way a lot of the other guys weren't, huge biceps and rippling pecs that I loved to show off. A hell of an ass too, though I didn't get much use out of it because he had the biggest penis I'd ever seen on a man and I wanted to cram that elephant trunk into everything I could.

A lot of the time, when I look in the mirror at the bodies of these superstars, I wish that I could suck on their dick. But in his body? If I bent over I actually could.

Honestly I hated the music I made as him– but man, I miss that dick.

I had similar motivations for spending a few months as an up and coming country music star– a bit more indie than my usual jobs, but I jumped at the chance to try out being a bigger guy (because let's face it, there aren't enough of those in the industry).

After years of cycling between bodies with abs it was a bit of a shock to suddenly have a gut, but the experience was even better than I could have dreamed. It's sensual in a different way– the feeling of all that soft flesh sliding under my hands still haunts my dreams.

Plus he was openly gay (another rarity, look at that) which meant I didn't have to keep my usual nighttime escapades on the down low. I didn't feel any less sexy– quite the opposite actually, I've never had people worship my body as hard as the guys I hooked up with when I was a scruffy bear cub.

Being gym trained hunks isn't exactly a hardship, but I did tell my management to keep an eye out for any more jobs like this one.

But probably my favorite experience was when I spent eight months helping a certain reggaeton artist break into the US market. The sex I had using that body? Out of this world.

I'm not sure what it was but his body was just built for sex. It oozed out of every inch of him, from those bulging tattooed arms to the hefty seven inches (soft!) he was packing down below. There was even a music video where someone sucked on my toes, because apparently even his feet were sexy.

This was the closest I ever came to getting fired, but I couldn't help it! I was constantly horny, all I could think about was drinking and screwing. I ended up overindulging a bit and the paparazzi caught some snaps of me stumbling out of a party naked and well... even though this guy had nothing to be ashamed of, it wasn't my proudest moment.

My ass was saved because the pictures blew up on Twitter in a good way, so his management decided that having a sexy bad boy image was actually good for him. Getting paid to party, have one night stands, and dance around shirtless? I have the best job in the world, and I never want to lose it.

Currently I'm assigned to a new guy, some viral online sensation that the label is worried will be just a one-hit wonder and needs the help of my special brand of direction.

I'm excited because I'm already seeing tons of "potential" in him... we're gonna make sweet music together, I can tell.

Gif sources: (x) (x)

[herrlindemann]

Bravo 05.06.1997, interview with Till

The halls burn at their concerts. With their spectacular fire show and their super hit 'Engel' (this week number 3 in the German single charts), Rammstein from Berlin rose to become the new stars of the German rock scene. Frontman Till Lindemann plays the wild man on stage: The muscular, broad-shouldered singer fires flamethrowers, lets showers of sparks spray and dances across the stage as a living torch - without batting an eyelid. In the BRAVO interview, on the other hand, the shrill 'fire devil' shows a completely different side. Till, who has recently dyed his hair silver, speaks softly, in a deep but gentle voice. He seems very thoughtful, almost shy — and he rarely smiles...

Rammstein landed their biggest hit with 'Engel'. How did you get the idea to sing about angels?

The text goes back to a fairy tale I heard as a child. A boy asks his dad about his deceased mother: "Where is my mommy now? » The dad replies: «She is now an angel in heaven. Look up at that star. There's your mommy now! » This story fascinated me. I could sense how lonely and vulnerable the boy must have felt without his mother.

Do you believe in angels yourself?

Anyway, I've never seen one. Richard always says my lyrics are childish and wise at the same time. I really am like a big kid — naughty but innocent. People always think I'm strong and badass. That's not true. I am sensitive and easily hurt — and romantic and passionate in love.

How did you grow up?

We lived in Schwerin in what was then East Germany. My parents are artists. They left me alone, I could do whatever I wanted. I was mainly interested in sports. I was good at swimming, so when I was ten I went to a sports school where I trained for an international career. At first everything went great. When I was 16, I went to Rome with the East German team for the European Championships.

Was that your first trip abroad?

Yes, anyone who went abroad in GDR times was king! We didn't have the freedom to travel back then. I was totally fascinated by Italy. After the competition I abseiled with a girl I met in Rome. I had no intention of running. The next morning I reported back to the team. Unfortunately too late. I got into big trouble and was interrogated by the Stasi. What I did was a crime for them. It was then that I noticed for the first time in what a slave system we lived in. After this trip, I was fed up with the system. I got out and became punk.

How long has Rammstein existed?

Richard, our rhythm guitarist, founded the group in 1993. At Rammstein all band members are equally important. The group can only function with this cast. If one of us gets out, it's over. The guys played in various Berlin groups like Feeling B and The Instabokatables until 1993. I got by in Schwerin as a basket weaver. From time to time I played drums in some punk bands for fun. Richard is an old friend of mine. My voice has always fascinated him. I used to sing out loud at work and he would listen for hours. One day he brought cassettes with new, super hard songs and told me to sing along. At first I didn't feel like it because I didn't want to go to Berlin.

But then you went to Berlin after all...

Yes, Richard talked to me for three days. Finally he convinced me. We then recorded the first demos in the apartment he and Schneider shared at the time. I always had to sing under a blanket because my voice woke the neighbors from their sleep. The three of us formed the core team. Paul, Flake and Olli came later when we won our first studio session at the Berlin Senate Rock Competition in the summer of 1993.

Where does the band name Rammstein come from?

At first we didn't expect to be commercially successful. For over a year we went without a name because we only played at friends' parties. When we signed the record deal, we had to come up with a name quickly. Someone said: "Rammstein. » We liked this name — «Ramm» and «Stein» express movement, strength and hardness. We knew nothing at all about the plane crash that happened in the 1980s at the military training area in Ramstein/Rhineland-Palatinate. We all come from the east and didn't notice anything about the catastrophe.

At the beginning of your career there were rumors that you were right-wing extremists...

Absolute nonsense! We have nothing to do with fascists. When Rammstein started, we seemed like a foreign body in the German music scene because we didn't conform to any cliché. We're just not easy-going heave metallers with long hair and short pants. People didn't know which box to put us in. The box on the right was obvious because we acted very tough and monumental, with long leather coats, shimmering metal, bare shiny skin and all that fire. We wanted to provoke people and do something totally crazy.

« Mein schwarzes Blut und dein weißes Fleisch, ich werd’ immer geiler von deinem Gekreisch. Der Angstschweiß da auf deiner Stirn, hagelt in mein krankes Hirn… » you sing on the number 'Weißes Fleisch'. Are such harsh texts also created out of sheer desire to provoke?

My texts arise from feelings and dreams, more from pain than from pleasure. I often have bad nightmares, waking up at night drenched in sweat from fear because I saw some bad bloody scene in my dream. My lyrics are an outlet for the emotional lava boiling over in my soul.

What scares you?

We all try hard to hide behind a well-mannered facade that we are ruled and guided by drives and feelings: by hunger, thirst, fear, hatred, greed for power and sex. Of course there is also a very strong positive force in us - love. Without them, humanity would have exterminated itself long ago. Drives and negative feelings are particularly dangerous when they are suppressed and hidden from consciousness. In my texts they are allowed to come into the open.

Are you a pyromaniac?

Fire fascinates me. I once brought two New Year's Eve fire breathers to a gig and lit them between songs. The fans cheered and I burned my hands. But I thought it was great that I didn't have to stand around stupidly between the songs, but had something to do. I made myself a gauntlet that could spit fire, then a fire arm. At one point, the fire department showed up behind the stage. On this occasion I learned that you need a ticket to play with pyro effects. So I took the firework exam.

How do you actually live privately? Do you have a girlfriend?

No, not at this time. None of the six of us have an intact relationship. We're just too much on the go. But I don't live alone. I am single father. My daughter's name is Nele and she's twelve years old: she's my everything - for me even more important than Rammstein!

[bimboficationblues]

Ska 🎶

I'm not super familiar with Jamaican/"first wave" ska, which is now something I should and will correct.

I am a medium fan of ska punk musically (that is, the 2 Tone and Third Wave periods) - I think that some white bands in the genre just have a vibe, call it the "Goldfinger Energy," that can be very offputting in a way that can be difficult to describe. I think that's just kind of the result of being from California the sorts of nostalgic or appropriative* emphases that ska placed in its styles and fashion, as it became much more "commercial"/amenable to pop crossover and decreasingly Caribbeanized. but I have always had a fun time at ska shows, the vibe is positive and the audiences are always passionate and enjoyable to people-watch in like a big city, you can see a bunch of different subcultures collide really noticeably which I think is interesting

*said mostly, but not entirely, neutrally

The Specials' debut record kicks ass and was also produced by Elvis Costello, who I love as a producer. The Selecter and the English Beat are also really great. I love Streetlight Manifesto to death, particularly their first and third records - when my dad wouldn't let me go see them (for logistical reasons rather than finger-waggy ones) and then they broke up I was so annoyed. Catbite is one of my favorite contemporary bands that I am really excited to see more from, and their lead vocalist is so fun. Fishbone are consistently underrated, though their ska influences kind of came and went. I am more into Jeff Rosenstock's recent power-pop/pop-punk/singer-songwriter stuff but I like when he digs back into his ska experience, and when he remade his whole album in the style it was proof he still had it. I like Operation Ivy and Rancid musically but I hate the bands as people because Tim Armstrong is a bad person and the rest of the band enabled him. I am not the biggest Sublime fan BUT 40 oz to Freedom is so sick to me despite some of its tacky or ill-conceived moments. Like I love how sloppy and raw and messy some of the performances and the sequencing are, and the songs still really stick in your brain. shoutout to Skatune Network/JER they're extremely cool.

[psycho-lizard9]

Late 2019 I tore my soul in half and gave each half to a man I had never even met. Those men were Sakurai Atsushi and Fujisaki Issay. For four years they have owned those pieces of me, and in return they have blessed me with beautiful music and performances. Their work quickly took over my life, and now almost everything I do is related to them. They had given me a reason to live, something to always look forward to, something to love. Never before had I loved somebody nor their work so deeply, and I don't think I will ever love like this again.

I would have never expected them to die at such young ages. Issay, 61. Atsushi, 57. Neither would I have ever guessed they would die the same year, let alone so closely after each other. August 5th and October 19th. My soul is still divided, they each took their half of my soul to their grave with them, just like I am left with their works, now no longer in their hands.

I would do everything to return them to our world, even if they would then decide to retire. It is not only their work that was of importance to me, it was their lifes, knowing that they were doing well, happy, and having fun. I know death is inevitable and that it would have come for them eventually no matter what, but the time is not right. In ten or twenty years, maybe... Maybe then I could have accepted it, but not now, not while they were still so young, despite officially having been old.

Issay and Atsushi, both such inspirations. Issay, an openly gay man who felt like he did not necessarily have a gender. And Atsushi, a man who was not afraid to show his feminine side and affection to other men. The both of them were not afraid to show their emotions and speak their minds. They were truly people to respect and look up to. In a strange way, they were like parental figures to me, despite me also looking at them very... "respectfully".

Two men both beautiful in every way imaginable. Beautiful voices, beautiful faces, beautiful personalities/souls and for as far as I have been able to see, even beautiful bodies. Atsushi also had the best thighs I had ever seen on a man. Age had never taken that beauty from them, and they were both so kind and caring. Despite having been 57 and 61 years old they were both unbelievably stunning, not only on the outside, but on the inside too. In fact, I believe that their inner beauty shined through, and with every passing day it turned them more and more beautiful.

They have left us with so much to remember them by. Both BUCK-TICK as well as Der Zibet have such great discographies. BUCK-TICK, 23 albums, 46 singles, over 60 recorded tours and over 80 music videos. How many bands can achieve this? And if only Atsushi had lived longer, I am sure they would have done so much more. Der Zibet, 19 albums. Maybe they did not have as many singles, music videos and recorded tours, but their discography of music was surely not small. Besides that, Issay had so many projects on the side. PhI, Hamlet Machine, his solo album, ISSAY meets DOLLY, KA.F.KA.

And it was not only music that had become Issay's career, his life, it was pantomime too. His love for pantomime was undeniable as he often used it for performances with his band as well. I will always remember those little mime acts he would put up as they played the song Der Rhein. He also often talked about his love for pantomime. We may have only been able to see one performance of it, yet even through just one show you could see his passion. His mime career had started even earlier than his music career, and he actively worked on both until the day he died.

Sakurai Atsushi too had more than just BUCK-TICK. He had a solo album, SCHWEIN and The Mortal, growing his discography even further. Besides that, his special skill, that not many singers possess, was his ability to sing most of his songs even better live. And not only was he an incredible live vocalist, he too possessed a mesmerizing stage performance, gifting us either very magical, elegant and gothic performances, or something that could only be described as purely sexual. His moans will never leave my mind, and this is not a complaint. I only have to think about it and I can already see him ride a stage in thigh high stockings as he moans to either Sapphire, Mudai, or any of his other songs.

Something else I will never forget, for both Atsushi and Issay, is their smiles, their laughs and even how beautiful their voices were if they simply talked. They were both so cute with everything they did, truly adorable. Atsushi with his cats, they were his biggest love, his babies. Issay too was so cute with pets. Besides that they were both also funny, always able to make me laugh. They were just everything that was good.

Sakurai Atsushi and Fujisaki Issay, two very unique personalities that will not easily be found again, especially not in combination with their beauty, voices and skills. With their deaths, I have lost most of myself, and I feel empty. I hope the work they have left us with will be enough for me to fill this void that has grown inside of me, despite the fact that I want more, especially from BUCK-TICK as no other band will ever reach such perfection. It may be selfish and unrealistic, but I wanted them both to live and create forever.

That could have never been reality, but I would still have appreciated it if death could have waited 20 more years before it took the two most important people to me. It still feels unreal, how could they both die so soon? One of them was already difficult, yet both? It is as if I am a side character in somebody's horror fiction that Atsushi and Issay were the main characters of. It is worse than a nightmare, as a nightmare I could have woken up from.

BUCK-TICK's last album was Izora, an album with a cover art that symbolizes infinity. Their last music video was Mugen Loop, a video that truly was a loop, something that just went on forever. Despite the fact that BUCK-TICK will now most likely end, their music will exist for eternity, Atsushi’s voice will never disappear. The same counts for Issay.

I wish I could just tell them one thing, cause I want them to know how much they have meant to me. I know they can't hear me, but I'll still say the words and hope the wind carries them to wherever they are. All I would tell them is "thank you for everything you have done, for everything you have created." And I would tell them that the world misses them, and that I personally promise to always love them, even if I were to grow out of their music... which I am pretty sure will never happen. They will forever be my favorites, and their work will for always be part of my everyday life.

Sakurai Atsushi and Fujisaki Issay, thank you. I hope you both rest peacefully and without regrets. You have been perfect. I hope you two will take care of each other, wherever you are.

[madiomens]

Just Pretend [n.s.]

Chapter Eight

Warning: Smutty smut

VIP flew by, a lot of the questions making us laugh, and before I knew it the venue was packed full of people and I was backstage checking on the guys and two opening acts before heading out to check on the crowd.

"Everyone alright? Need anything?" I asked everyone backstage, handing them waters.

"I think we're ok. Thank you, Maddie." Nicholas said, sending me a smile.

"I want a tour nurse. She seems bomb." The lead singer of one of the opening acts said, causing me to chuckle.

"Get one, but you can't have ours." Noah joked, sending me a wink.

I grinned at him as I wished the boys luck before walking out from backstage so I would be in front of the barricade. I greeted the security and other workers as I walked past them, making my way to my designated sitting spot.

"You're Maddie, aren't you?" A girl questioned me from the front of the barricade.

I nodded at her with a smile. "I am. You doing alright?"

"I am, just a little hot." She said with a smile. "Could I possibly get a picture with you? You're really pretty."

My eyes widened in surprise. "You want a picture with me?"

"Yea, if that's ok!" She said as her smile widened.

"Of course!" I said before walking up to the barricade and smiling for her picture.

Mumbles from some of the crowd beside us sounded out, most of them asking the person beside them who I was. I thanked the girl for the picture before turning to the ones mumbling and sending them a smile. "You guys doing alright?" I questioned.

"We're good. Do you work with one of the bands or something?" A girl questioned me.

I nodded. "I'm the Bad Omens tour nurse. Just here to help where I can."

"You get paid to basically live with these guys and hear good music?" She questioned, eyes wide.

I laughed. "Pretty much, yea. Occasionally provide medical attention."

"That sounds like the best job ever." She said with a smile.

I smiled back at her. "This is my first show with them but so far it is the best job."

The lights dimming broke up our conversation and I shot her another smile before hopping onto the box and swinging my feet back and forth. The two openers went by fairly quickly with me handing out waters as needed and before I knew it, the crowd of metal fans were singing along to 'A Thousand Miles' by Vanessa Carlton while hitting balloons in the air. I stifled a laugh as I recorded them before heading backstage to check on the guys one last time.

"Y'all did amazing." I complimented the other bands, earning thank you's and smiles from them.

The boys posed for a couple pictures from Bryan before he made eye contact with me and motioned for me to go over to them. I approached apprehensively before being rushed between Noah and Nicholas for a couple pictures. I laughed at them as they wrapped themselves around me as if I was some sort of tree. Bryan snapped a few pictures of us laughing then being serious before they let me go, laughter echoing around the group.

"Everyone alright?" I questioned them as Noah chugged some water.

Folio gave me a thumbs up through drinking his own water before chunking the empty bottle and grabbing a new one, head banging to some silent song in his head.

"This is going to be a great first show, I can feel it." Jolly said as he cracked his fingers and put his guitar on his body.

"The crowd is sick." I said as I handed Noah and Folio more waters for stage.

"If anyone is rude to you let us know. Our crowds are generally kind but you always have the rotten egg in the bunch." Nicholas said, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I smiled at him. "Thank you. Trust me, I can handle myself but if I need anything I'll be sure to let y'all know."

"You give off the vibe of someone who can break noses." Folio said as he drummed the sticks in the air.

We all laughed, the crowd outside for sure hearing it from the volume. "You don't even know the half of it." I said through my laughter. "I'm going to go one more sweep of the barricade to check in on people. Good luck out there." I said to everyone. They all came up to wrap me in a group hug, Noah's hand landing a little further down my waist than the other's and causing me to chuckle. The sound of Bryan's camera clicking sounded off behind us right before we let go. I sent them all another smile before making my way to the barricade and checking on everyone again.

Multiple phones were pointed in my direction as I walked out, causing me to freeze and look at everyone. The security guard at the bottom of the stairs chuckled at me and I looked at him.

"They could hear the laughter backstage and thought the band was coming out." He said.

I laughed and waved at everyone. "Just me, sorry." There was a collective sigh as everyone dropped their phones and turned their attention back to each other. I laughed as I walked down the stairs and met the security guard. "I've never felt like more of a disappointment than I do now." I said through my laughter.

He chuckled. "Don't feel bad. The girls only try to talk to me because they think I can get them backstage."

"Now, that's just desperate." I said, shaking my head with a grin.

"You're telling me." He said, extending his hand to me. "The name's Bill."

I shook his hand in greeting. "Maddie. I'm the tour nurse."

"You're the talk of the crowd tonight." He said as he dropped my hand.

"Me?" I questioned in confusion.

He nodded. "Wondering who the girl is that 'weaseled her way in with the boys' as some of the lovely girls put it."

I threw my head back in laughter at his air quotes. "All it took was me doing CPR on a fan at a festival."

He scrunched his nose up. "That's a lot less fun than some of the ideas they were coming up with."

I grinned. "I'm sure they were creative." The lights faded off, cutting our conversation short as piercing screams sounded off around us. "That's my cue. Nice to meet you, Bill."

"You too, Maddie. Let me know if you need anything." He replied with a nod of his head.

I made my way to my box to sit on and hopped up on it, excitement bubbling in my stomach. Jolly entered the stage a few moments before Nicholas did, standing above me. They motioned for the crowd to get louder and the sound was deafening as everyone began freaking out. I smiled as I looked around the crowd, seeing all of the excited faces and cameras raised. Flashing lights started going off as they began playing the intro to Artificial Suicide and Noah came out from the side spinning in circles. I chuckled at the choice of entrance and began bobbing my head along to the beat of the song, mentally taking a note to invest in some earplugs if I was to be this close to the speakers most nights.

The set went smoothly, with me only having to hand out a couple waters. It helps that it's a colder month of the year in Ireland so even with everyone on top of each other it was still a decent temperature. By the end of it I was riding a high that I've never experienced before, knowing I am a small part of how amazing of a show this is and that I get to experience every single show they are going to do. I felt butterflies in my stomach as the boys finished throwing random items into the audience and left the stage before I hopped off the box and followed them backstage. My eyes were met with everyone stripping their shirts off and all but hulking out as the post show adrenaline rush hit them, causing me to laugh out loud.

"That was fucking amazing." I said with a wide grin, causing them to cheer and run towards me.

I screamed and turned to run but was grabbed firmly on the waist by Noah and thrown over his shoulder as the other guys circled us and began jumping up and down and cheering. I laughed as I was slung in circles still on Noah's shoulder, their cheers and excitement contagious. Noah eventually put me down and stabilized me as my head spun from him spinning me in circles, gripping his arms for something to hold onto.

"Did you have fun?" He asked me as the guys continued to cheer behind him.

"Me? Did you?" I questioned.

He nodded quickly. "So much fun. I want to go back to the house right now." He said, pupils dilated from the adrenaline and excitement.

I laughed at him. "Don't you have to go greet the fans outside?"

"Fine, but only for a few minutes and if you will come with me." He said, grabbing my arm and leading me to the side entrance without time for me to protest. He quickly threw on his hoodie he wore to the venue before pushing open the door.

The guys followed us outside and excited exclaims echoed around the pavement as the fans saw us walk out. I stood back as the guys walked up to the barricade and began talking and taking pictures and signing autographs. I watched them with a small smile on my face as they interacted with the fans. They somehow stay so genuine when having these interactions, the screams and cheers not even fazing them. After a few minutes of greeting everyone, the boys said their goodbye's and thanked the fans for coming before walking back to join my side. Noah and Folio threw their arms across my shoulders, causing me to scrunch my nose up and try to escape the sweaty trap they put me in. They chased me around the side of the building before I quickly loaded up into the van, instantly regretting it once all the sweaty bodies piled in after me. They have another show tomorrow in the same venue so they don't have to pack their stuff up this night, which means they get to get to the house a lot earlier than they normally would. Multiple different animated conversations went on around me as I tried to decide if breathing through my nose or my mouth would be better. They're all running such a high from performing that I doubt they can even smell themselves, but I couldn't help the amused laughter that bubbled up at their hyper conversations opposed to their regular relaxed ones.

We pulled up to the Airbnb a few minutes later and it took everything in me not to throw myself over the seat and crawl out first just to escape the sweat pit I was in. We made our way inside and the guys all separated to take their showers and get clean. I walked into the kitchen still laughing at them and pulled out stuff to make a sandwich bar so they could grab one quick to eat in between their celebrating. I made a few different types and set out condiments before making my way to my bedroom to change. I took a quick body shower this morning and I didn't sweat one drop so I just freshened up and went to change into some sweats when Noah's voice stopped me in my tracks.

"What do you think you're doing?" He questioned.

I turned to face him, my eyes landing on his glistening torso and an almost too small towel covering his waist as he leaned against my doorframe. "Gonna change then eat. I'm starved."

He pushed off the doorframe and slowly started walking towards me. "I'm starved too."

It was as if my stomach instantly stopped growling seeing the way he was looking at me. His eyes were so dark and pupils so dilated that his iris' looked pitch black as he gazed down at me. He brought his fingers up to slowly undo my belt, sliding it out of the loops and dropping it onto the ground. "If you still want to go get food, don't let me stop you." He said huskily.

I swallowed and unbuttoned my jeans. "Lock my door."

He smirked and walked over to the bedroom door to lock it, quickly making his way back to me. I stepped out of my jeans so the only thing on my bottom was a black thong and my fishnets. He cocked his head to the side as he watched me, lust rising in his face more and more as time went by. I held eye contact as I slowly knelt onto my knees, his eyes widening as he realized what I was planning on doing. I undid his towel and dropped it on the ground, his erection slapping his stomach once it was free.

"You don't have to if you don't want to." He said, voice deep with desire.

I grabbed him into my hand, causing a gasp to escape his lips. "I want to for the amazing performance you put on." I said before licking a strip up the shaft, placing a kiss on the head.

His eyes rolled as he tilted his head back in pleasure, causing a sly grin to appear on my face before I took him into my mouth. A deep sigh escaped him as I started bobbing my head up and down, slightly stretching my torso so I would be tall enough on my knees to take him. I hummed against him as I brought my mouth down as far as I could go, gripping the rest of him in my hand. I swallowed a gag that threatened to escape me as I pulled back to start bobbing my head again. My spit created a slick surface for me to work with as I pumped my hand in sync with my mouth. His hand tangled in my hair as I worked him, moans escaping from deep inside him.

"Fuck, you gotta stop or I'm going to cum." He groaned out, tightening his grip on my hair.

I smirked against him and pulled off, my mouth popping from the suction. I looked up at him with a smug grin as he looked back down at me. He brought his hand up to grip my throat, pulling me off my knees so he could lean down and kiss me. His tongue instantly tangled with mine, the heat of the kiss sending chills all over my body. He picked me up and quickly set me on the side of the bed, leaning away to pull my shirt and bra off my body. He went to rip my fishnets in the crotch area before I stopped him.

"These are my only pair and I plan to wear them multiple times." I said, my hand on his as my chest heaved.

"I will buy you 100 more pairs." He growled out before ripping the crotch wide open.

I gasped as he pushed me onto my back before he sunk to his knees and attached his mouth onto my clit after pushing my thong to the side, inserting two fingers inside of me. I smacked my hand over my mouth to muffle the moan that immediately escaped me, tangling my other hand into his wet hair. He shook his head side to side as he buried deeper onto my clit, fingers curling inside of me and working me towards my climax. My brows furrowed and eyes squeezed shut as my orgasm quickly climbed with how fast his movements were. His fingers sped up as I began tightening up against him, my moans getting louder despite my efforts to muffle them. I felt on the bed for my phone and picked it up to press play on my music, turning it up all the way before tossing it on the ground and throwing my head backwards as the music started echoing around us and helping with the noise. I let my hand drop from my mouth and used it to grip the covers under me as he continued to relentlessly suck and curl his fingers inside of me.

"Noah, I'm gonna cum." I whined out, the heels of my feet digging into his back where they were draped.

He moaned against me in confirmation and the vibration from it was enough to send me over the edge. I smacked my hand over my mouth again as stars clouded my vision, ecstasy taking over and my body shaking from my orgasm. He continued to work me through it as I started to come down, chest heaving as I tried to catch my breath. I looked down at him once he removed his mouth and he brought his fingers up to his mouth, a string of my arousal following while he sucked his fingers clean. I watched his mouth as he did so before he stood back up to lean over me and place his lips on mine, tangling his tongue with mine so I tasted my arousal. He lifted me up with one arm and carried me further on the bed, laying me down and leaning back to grab himself. He slid his tip up and down my slit, causing my body to jerk from sensitivity. He lined himself up and pushed all the way in with one thrust, a sharp gasp escaping me before I bit harshly on my lip to stop it. He began thrusting into me quickly and leaned down so he could kiss me, pulling my legs around his waist so they moved in sync with his hips. I gripped his hair with one hand and used the other to scratch down his back in pleasure. A moan escaped him at the feeling so I did it again, causing another moan to escape him. I smirked against his mouth once I realized I found a pleasure point of his. He slightly pulled back to nip at my bottom lip and make eye contact with me as he kept thrusting in and out of me.

"Smirking like the brat you are." He growled out, bringing a hand up to squeeze my throat.

My smirk grew at him choking me, biting my bottom lip as I watched his face. "What are you gonna do about it?" I questioned.

He growled again and squeezed my neck tighter, bringing one of my legs up and throwing it over his shoulders. My brows furrowed in pleasure at the new angle he was entering me and my mouth dropped open as my eyes rolled back.

"Look at me." He ordered, causing my eyes to pop back open and connect with his.

He pulled my leg off his shoulder and rolled me on my side, gripping my thigh and thrusting into me faster and rougher. I gripped his arm tightly as I felt another orgasm building in the pit of my stomach, the new angle perfectly hitting my g spot.

"Noah, I'm gonna cum again." I moaned out as he leaned down to kiss my shoulder.

"Cum for me." He rasped out against my skin.

My brows furrowed deeper as my nails dug into his skin, my second orgasm taking over my body and causing my body to jerk underneath him. He stilled his movements to let me come down from the high, pushing the hair off of my forehead.

"You good?" He whispered, the rough demeanor dropping for a second.

I nodded and patted his side with the hand that was underneath him. "I'm good."

He nodded and leaned up to flip me onto my back and leaned back down, sliding his arms underneath my shoulders and gripping them. He slowly began thrusting in me again, building up speed with each thrust. I grabbed the back of his neck to pulled him down to my lips, moaning into his mouth as his thrusts became harsher. A knock on my door stilled his movements and my eyes popped open to meet his, our lips still connected.

"Maddie, come take a shot with us!" Folio's voice said from behind the door.

I pulled away from Noah's mouth to see him smirk and start to thrust in me again. My eyes widened at him as his smirk grew and his thrusts sped up.

"Just a second, I'm changing!" I yelled, voice slightly wavering.

Noah snorted a laugh and I smacked my hand over his mouth, stifling a laugh of my own.

"Ok, hurry!" Folio said before the sound of his footsteps disappeared down the hallway.

I dropped my hand from Noah's mouth as a laugh escaped him. "You're a little shit." I said through my own laughter.

"Am I?" He questioned, pulling back and thrusting one harsh thrust inside of me.

I gasped and tightened my grip around his shoulders, his own hands gripping mine. "Such a shit." I said, shaking my head.

"Bet." He said before violently thrusting inside of me.

After a few sloppy thrusts he quickly pulled out and finished on my stomach, muscles tensing as his orgasm rode out. I rubbed his back to sooth the muscles there as the last of his cum dripped onto me. He dropped his forehead onto mine as our chests heaved against each other, trying to catch our breath.

"Damn Folio." He breathed out, causing me to laugh.

I leaned up to place my lips on his, holding them there for a few seconds in a lazy kiss. He brought a hand up to place on my cheek and hold me in place before pulling back and placing a chaste kiss on my forehead. He pushed off me to go grab a towel and I stretched my sore muscles as he did so, my knees popping from being bent for so long.

He chuckled as he walked back in cleaning himself off. "Sorry." He apologized as he started to clean me off.

"Worth it." I said, causing him to chuckle again.

He gently cleaned between my legs and tossed the towel into the bathroom, picking me up off the bed to walk me into the bathroom so I could pee.

I softly smiled and closed my eyes as the cold seat met my bare ass. "Is you carrying me to the toilet going to be a new ritual?"

"Like I said, after care."

[heymeowmao]

LYN, on ZLH's singing. (x)

LYN: In any case, during the process I understood the charm of his singing. There’s nothing wrong with me phrasing it like that, right? I understood the charm of his singing. That’s why in the show I kept cueing him, saying, “I don’t want to hear anyone else sing. I want to hear ZLH.” “Sing something. Come on, let’s do it together!” Actually- it’s because he’s a new player, so I wanted to break the ice with some playful ribbing. He didn’t sing, and it’s not like I would have FORCED him! But it ended up becoming a small inside joke. I said to him, “I just want to hear you sing. I’m begging you. Please!” But through the process of the show, we continued joking like this. And he can take a joke, too. He’d say, “I won’t sing!” so I replied, “If I send you 100rmb, will you sing? I’m begging.” We’ll make these types of jokes.

LYN: But after we finished recording and I got home and was lying on my bed, I started thinking: “Was that problematic?” When the show airs, would people think, “LYN, why are you such a terrible person? Are you making fun of him?? What do you mean by that? You’re a singer, so you sound nice and that makes you think you can make fun of others?” I was lying on my bed, thinking of this problem. “You’re forcing him! You’re-” /cuts himself off/ “-bullying new players!”

LYN: I was thinking of this problem, tossing and turning, and couldn’t sleep for a long time. I was thinking to myself, “It’s fine, right? People will know I was joking?” “I don’t need to bring him down just to prove how great of a singer I am, there’s no need for that! I’m not going to benefit in any way from doing that.” I just kept thinking about it. After a few days of mulling it over I decided it wasn’t a big deal. If we’re all getting along well then no one would think in that direction. Anyway, I just want to share that I’m a little 前怕狼后怕虎 (qián pà láng hòu pà hǔ; lit. fear the wolf in front and the tiger behind; needless fears)

- LYN Livestream _ 2024.04.08, 4:14:29-4:18:06

[black-arcana]

Ex-DELAIN Singer CHARLOTTE WESSELS Teams Up With EPICA's SIMONE SIMONS For New Single 'Dopamine'

Former DELAIN singer Charlotte Wessels has joined forces with EPICA's Simone Simons for Charlotte's mesmerizing new single titled "Dopamine". This track is part of Wessels's first traditional full-length, full-band solo album, "The Obsession", set to be released on September 20, 2024 via Napalm Records. Promising a deeply immersive and evocative experience, the two Dutch symphonic metal legends guide listeners through the emotional landscape of SSRI-induced numbness. "The Obsession" showcases Wessels's most mature work to date, blending progressive and heavier soundscapes with catchy elements.

Supported by her former DELAIN bandmates, who contribute to the album's heavier sound, Wessels is set to bring "The Obsession" to the stage this year. The journey begins with a release show on October 4, 2024 at Utrecht's TivoliVredenburg, followed by a special guest appearance with labelmates KAMELOT and AD INFINITUM in Drachten on October 11, 2024. After these shows, Wessels will join VOLA on their "Friend Of Phantom" European tour 2024, kicking off on November 1.

Wessels comments: "Lyrically, 'Dopamine' deals with SSRI-induced numbness that I experienced a few years ago when I was on Sertraline, a type of antidepressant. While the medication was really helpful, there were so many side effects that I'd never heard of. This song deals with some of them, and while it feels vulnerable to expose the experience, I hope it helps in breaking down the shame and taboo around the topic.

"Simone reached out to me as I was first opening up about this in an interview, and when the first version of 'Dopamine' dropped on Patreon (because, of course, we're each other's Patreons) she texted how much she liked the song. So when we were working on the album version, it only made sense to ask if she'd sing along on the track. I am so happy she agreed and after all of the shared introspection, it was great fun to let loose wearing pink wigs in ball pits and marshmallow pools for the video recordings. Musically, out of the entire new album, 'Dopamine' went through the biggest transformation. What started out as an EDM demo for a collaboration with a dance duo that never happened, became an acoustic 'Song Of The Month' on Patreon, which then had a massive overhaul when rearranging it with Timo. The new band version is an absolute banger, and the beautiful guest vocals by Simone complete the song."

"The Obsession" marks Wessels's Napalm Records debut, and while her earlier solo endeavors — full-length song compilations "Tales From Six Feet Under" (2021) and "Tales From Six Feet Under Vol. II" (2022) — already gained her a remarkable number of devotees, "The Obsession" truly takes her career to the next level.

The new album promises a cohesive exploration of fear and liberation, as well as spellbinding melancholia and dark, catchy elements meeting progressive and heavier soundscapes. The storytelling within the songs gives the multifaceted album even more depth, making "The Obsession" an exciting listening experience and Wessels's most mature solo offering so far.

While still writing and producing the songs in her Six Feet Under basement home studio and sharing their first incarnations with her patrons, Wessels now takes the songs from her new album, "The Obsession", to the next level with a band of her fellow ex-DELAIN cohorts Timo Somers (guitars, additional arrangements),Otto Schimmelpenninck Van Der Oije (bass) and Joey Marin De Boer (drums) as well as Sophia Vernikov (piano/Hammond),contributing to the new heavier sound. The album also features arrangements by Vikram Shankar (SILENT SKIES, PAIN OF SALVATION),cello by Elianne Anemaat, was mixed by Guido Aalbers (MUSE, COLDPLAY, THE GATHERING) and was mastered by Andy VanDette (PORCUPINE TREE, VOLA, DREAM THEATER).

Wessels about the new album: "On the one hand, this album tells a very personal story — through its unintended theme of fear, obsessive thoughts and the escapes from them — and at the same time it represents the joy of finding the song's true forms with everyone involved in the making of this record. That's why I chose 'The Obsession' as a title. It refers to my personal challenges with OCD that inspired many of the songs — but I've also started referring to the band as 'the obsession' because there were moments in the studio with them that truly reminded me of why I'm obsessed with making music in the first place."

Themes of fear, obsessive thoughts and escapism run rampant on the album, presenting dark and heavy on songs like "The Exorcism", "The Crying Room" and "Ode To The West Wind" (featuring Alissa White-Gluz of ARCH ENEMY). In addition, there are songs that offer a more upbeat approach to the subject — like "Dopamine" (featuring Simone Simons of EPICA) which deals with SSRI-induced numbness, or "Praise" — which sings the gospel of needing external validation in order to feel anything. The reimagining of fan favorite "Soft Revolution" won't leave a dry eye in the room, while "Soulstice" and "Serpentine" present an unprecedented dark sensuality. Each song itself functions like an exorcism, an attempt to cast out a little of the fear it deals with.

Wessels states about the guests: "I'm extremely grateful and proud to add Simone Simons and Alissa White-Gluz to the lineup of this album. They are creative powerhouses that I have so much love and respect for. Whenever we get to work together is an absolute treat and they really elevated the songs with their performances."

"The Obsession" track listing:

01. Chasing Sunsets 02. Dopamine 03. The Exorcism 04. Soulstice 05. The Crying Room 06. Ode To The West Wind 07. Serpentine 08. Praise 09. All You Are 10. Vigor And Valor 11. Breathe 12. Soft Revolution (2024)

[joons]

As someone who knows very little about the Beach Boys but is curious, I would love to know all the tea on Mike Love.

"Mike Love isn’t just not rock … he’s actually in the red, like the anti-rock. He’s in rock debt and should spend his next life wearing golf pants and selling hairpieces." — Tony Hicks, Riff Magazine

A real article.

Let me take you on a journey.

Every Beach Boys fan starts to hate Mike Love as a joke, and then it gradually becomes real. (Mike Love defenders, I am truly sorry; you are the devil's strongest soldiers.) The traditional narrative is that when Brian Wilson (the eldest Wilson brother and de facto leader) stopped touring and began spending all his time writing music for the band, Mike Love (Brian's cousin, lead singer, lyricist) became worried that Brian would go off on his own and leave them behind. Mike had good reasons to worry; when the band came back from an extensive tour in Japan, Brian excitedly showed them what he had been working on: Pet Sounds. Widely considered their best album, and one of the best albums of all time, Pet Sounds is chamber pop music, with a wall of orchestral instruments and complex vocal harmonies, interspersed with really off-the-wall sounds, like bicycle horns and theremins, all in service of a "concept album" (the first ever such thing) about a young man entering adulthood and struggling to manage a relationship. Oh, and Brian had already recorded all of this with the Wrecking Crew (professional session musicians, who adored him), written all the lyrics with a new guy, Tony Asher, and then ushered the Beach Boys in to record the final vocals.

Mike Love was probably justifiably a bit peeved that Brian had just like ... done the thing without him and without the band, but that was Brian's job; that was the deal they had worked out when Brian decided he couldn't handle the pressure of touring anymore. Brian was already considered a savant composer at the time and the key to the Beach Boys' success; the Beatles adored his work, and he was in a constant battle to do something as spectacular as the Beatles were doing with albums like Rubber Soul. But when the band came back and got to hear the full thing (Mike was consulted on some of the lyrics beforehand), Mike was like, "This isn't us, this won't sell." (Other members had similar concerns, especially about having to recreate these elaborate orchestrations with a few guitars and drumkits on tour, but they trusted Brian.) The stressors between Mike and Brian continued when Brian started doing an even more ambitious album, Smile, using a really avant-garde lyricist who dealt in poetic imagery rather than concrete stories. Mike once again spent all the recording sessions whining about it and resisting any push toward psychedelic imagery. Legend has it he said something like, "Don't fuck with the formula" (of cars and girls and surfing), and basically shat all over what would have been the most innovative pop album of all time (purely from a production standpoint, it was a beast, needing to be constructed in tiny segments and then edited back together using analog recording equipment). It would have been, as Brian described it, "a teenage symphony to God."

Brian, being mentally fragile, did not do well with conflict like this, (he had already, with great struggle, gotten his father, Murry Wilson, fired as their manager, after Murry's abusive, controlling behavior made it impossible for them to record) and the disappointing reactions from the band and from the public toward Pet Sounds and Smile essentially killed his confidence, meaning that he soon retreated from being the band's leader and took less and less of an interest in writing. (He was more involved than popular imagination might think, but it was certainly a turning point in his creative output.) The pressure quickly became too much, and Brian, who was struggling severely with his mental health, shelved the entire Smile project. It was not released in any complete form until 2004, when Brian had the support around him (hint: not the Beach Boys) to let him put it into an acceptable shape and release a legendary lost piece of media. And it was incredible.

Now, at this point, most fans are like, "Aw, that Mike! Always sticking to the formula!" while acknowledging that he was right about how big of a risk these albums were. Points were made, and Pet Sounds didn't actually sell as well as their other stuff! Smile was very weird! Pet Sounds was so influential among rock musicians at the time (the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band was a direct response to it), but it wasn't a commercial smash. And music does need to be somewhat concerned about the business side. So maybe some fans are like, "Well. We give Mike too much grief for this, Brian had to be responsible for his own confidence, this stuff happens, whatever."

But there's never really a moment where Mike Love is vindicated. He is never satisfied to be "right" about one thing; he must be right in all things. As you keep learning about him, you're like, "Mike is just an asshole."

Very famous picture of Mike and Brian. You can see the whole relationship here.

The main reason the clashes in '66-'67 are still a sore spot is because they're a microcosm of the decadeslong war for the soul of the band. In the 1990s, Mike wrested control of the Beach Boys name from the other surviving band members after the death of Carl Wilson, Brian's brother (a saint, a diplomatic soul who kept the band together when they would otherwise be at each others' throats). This gets into complicated legal weeds, but basically Mike won the rights to tour as "the Beach Boys" even though he only toured with one other member. All of the members share in the profits but are not allowed to do their own tours with the name. Brian had no interest in touring with him at the time, and neither did Al Jardine, another surviving member, but Mike went after Al for touring as "Beach Boys Family & Friends" and successfully sued to prevent any of the other boys from doing anything similar. At the same time, he excluded them from working with him on the official tour. He has kept the band in stasis, rarely playing songs beyond the 1962-1966 eras, and keeping the band's image as a good-time surfing group, when they are so much more, and it grates that they are not more known for how musically significant and groundbreaking they were (I count the entire band's contributions in this, not just Brian, as many of them are great songwriters in their own right and did wonderful production work in the late '60s and early '70s). Mike stands athwart that deserved legacy because he finds it difficult to share the spotlight, and his contributions in the later years were simply not good. Mike isn't solely responsible for the Beach Boys being classified as a nostalgia act; that impression began when Capitol Records, their first label, put out a greatest hits album that sold far more than anything new the band was making in the early '70s. But Mike leaned into that, and instead of capitalizing on renewed interest by showing how the band had grown, Mike wanted to show that the band was exactly how you remembered them.

He is also known for being bizarrely abrasive at times, to the detriment of the band's reputation. When they were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1988, Mike interrupted Brian's sweet statement and wound up going on a ramble lambasting other Hall of Fame members for suing each other (THIS IS DRAMATIC IRONY) or for not "showing up" for that year's event because they've "always been chickenshit to get onstage with the Beach Boys." I have never been able to get through this video in one sitting, I have to stop because the secondhand embarrassment is too much.

ELTON JOHN: Thank FUCK he didn't mention me!

He later blamed his tirade on not meditating that day.

In the 1990s, Mike began to sue the other members for damn near everything. While Mike was somewhat justified in regaining songwriting credits from the Beach Boys' early work (Murry Wilson had something to do with wanting to keep the credits for the Wilson brothers), he went on to claim that Brian including a picture of the Beach Boys in the album sheets for his version of Smile "damaged" the image of the band. Jesus wept. He also sued Brian for how he was portrayed in a (to be fair, mostly ghostwritten and bad) memoir without having read it.

The surviving members of the Beach Boys reunited in 2012 for the band's 50th anniversary. They put out a new album (it was great!) and toured together for the first time since the 1990s. David Marks, an early member who left during the first year, was invited back to play with them. It was healing to see them together and genuinely enjoying performing. Audiences were thrilled. Brian Wilson and Al Jardine both expressed how excited they were to keep it going, not just as a one-time anniversary tour but something they could conceivably do year after year, healing the split between Mike's band (with Beach Boy Bruce Johnston) and the tours that Brian and Al did together. But before any of that could be worked out, Mike just ghosted them, along with David. He announced that the tour was going to go on without them without doing a joint release. Brian and Al wrote a freaking letter to the editor stating they hadn't been told. So it's definitely another "Mike is why we can't have nice things" moment. He has described his exclusive ability to tour as "my nourishment and my revenge," framing it as a way of recovering lost royalties after being cheated out of songwriting credits for a long time, even though he was already awarded monetary compensation for that. In actual fact, he just cannot handle being upstaged.

Some other things that Mike gets flak for: getting obsessed with the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and Transcendental Meditation movement, writing songs exclusively about the concept and trying to turn the Beach Boys into an official Maharishi touring group; overclaiming writing credits for his small contributions to certain songs; playing for Trump's campaign events; playing for a trophy hunter guild (these last two in spite of public disavowals from Brian and Al). There are probably other, more private things that I don't think are necessary to get into. None of the band members have completely clean hands in how they've treated one another. What sets Mike apart is that he makes it public and cannot move on.

Everyone has a different breaking point with him, I think. For me, it's his continued digs at Brian, particularly relating to Brian's mental illnesses. Even extending some grace to him for dealing with difficult working conditions as some of the band members spiraled, I cannot excuse how disgusting his language is and how much he clearly wants to erase the empathy and love people have for Brian, with whatever tool he has at hand.

For context, Brian Wilson was locked into an unspeakably abusive conservatorship with his psychologist, Eugene Landy, for a decade, up until 1991. The abuse involved improper prescription treatment that continues to affect Brian to this day. (He is lucky it did not kill him.) I don't even like to think about it much because it's so dark, but Landy controlled what Brian could eat, what he sang, and who he could talk to. He sold off Brian's publishing rights and represented him in public and corporate matters. Thanks to a longtime fan and music journalist, David Leaf; Brian's future wife; and intervention by the family (who had been cut off from communicating with Brian), he was given control of his own life again and eventually properly diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. He has gotten to lead his own life again, making music that helps him deal with auditory hallucinations and depression, and working with who he wants to.

With that background, it's absolutely fucked for Mike to say this:

"He’s not in charge of his life, like I am in mine. His every move is orchestrated and a lot of things he’s purported to say, there’s not tape of it. But, I don’t like to put undue pressure on him, either, because I know he has a lot of issues. Out of compassion, I don’t respond to everything that is purportedly said by him. I’ve noticed where he says he really regards me as his greatest writing partner and that he loves my voice. Even on the 50th (anniversary tour), he made it quite clear he really liked watching me do my thing while he was at the piano. So, there’s a lot of positivity there.” (X)

So many layers there. He's so comically up his own ass, but the things he says about Brian upset me so much. He's so vile for no reason. Even if this were a criticism of Brian's PR or legal team, he could say so, instead of using Brian's past abuse to brush aside his opinions. He always does this thing where the Wilsons' addictions and illnesses are the result of bad choices, while he's never done anything wrong and was victimized by them. It's so infuriating, but it's also hard to get too upset with him because he's genuinely blind.

The thing about Mike is that he's so ... bad that he's fun to hate. Is he truly the worst person in the world? No. But is he actually the worst person in the world? Yes. His terribleness makes me laugh. That might have more to do with the cerebral way Beach Boys fans cut Mike Love clips, but goddamn, it gets me. (Beach Boys fans have had to deal with an awful lot of kitsch against their will, and I think this is their way of coping.)

LISTEN TO THIS MANIAC, I AM WHEEZING AT WORK.

(It's so crazy, he even added in that psychedelic riff at the end of the video! That's not in the song! It's just to emphasize how weird he thinks "Good Vibrations" is and how much he has to "apologize" for it. What is happening. Even when he is "joking," there's such a dark energy about it.)

In conclusion:

A real article. "His memoir leaves him neither vindicated nor convincingly tolerable as a human being."