#(its just been sitting in my drafts for so long... i dont think im doing lineart anytime soon LOL)
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pyukumeru · 3 months ago
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and you're still hungry for her
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phagodyke · 29 days ago
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#told my roommate ive been depressed this weekend and she kindly offered to watch a movie but i knew shed be too tired and need to cancel#bc of the clocks changing and its ok i know how tired she gets i was the one to suggest it was okay if she cant + it was still a nice idea#but now im alone for the evening again ive been alone all weekend and weekends are the hardest for me and i thought i was feeling a little#better but im not and theres nothing to stop me from harming which is okay i keep it safe and its always a choice i make to do it or not#not anyone elses responsibility but i didnt want.to be alone tonight thats all. and offering something she knows she cant fulfil makes me#feel rejected too and i also wanted to talk abt some of her behaviour that upsets me sometimes but gently bc i dont want it to seem like#im blaming her bc its not her fault im so bad at communicating and neurotic and weird abt shit that doesnt even make sense#but its been bothering me for a really long time and it comes up again every time we meet with other people and i get really upset over it#and im the one that keeps putting off talking about it but its so hard when its been gping on so long and i find it so hard to express#anything and communicate especiallt when its shit like this but im so so so so tired of sitting on it i just want it resolved one way or#another and now i wont see her for a few days bc of this family trip and itll be on my mind the whole time and the thought is making me#feel insane already ive wasted so many hours and hours being upset by her and not being able to talk abt it i need it to stop its not even#that big a deal.it just is to me. and i dont know how to say anythign ever#and she wants to make plans with friends next weekend which feels like hoisting an anvil above my head bc if i dont go i risk having a#rejection sensitive episode bc im vulnerable rn and this is exactly what happened over the summer and it took me months to recover from but#if i do go ill get upset bc ill feel unwanted there and ill be dealing with the same issue that comes up every fucking time and either way#ill end up harming in response to it bc i cant handle how intense my emotions are and i dont have any better outlets right now#for these specific feelings and i dont want to do that i want to be a normal fucking human being who doesnt lock themself in a#stupid fucking iron maiden style repression over completely innocuous shit that no one would even know im reacting this way to#i cant do it i cant do thjs anymore i cant i want it to stop im so tired and it hurts so so much feeling so much like this#they should make a mind for me that is capable of not inflicting distress this intense on itself i need to explode#actually. maybe since i wont see her for a couple days i can write a long discord message about it instead. i know its a shitty way to#deliver information but maybe it would be easier that way rather than trying to summon the courage to say anything in person when im#usually actively upset abt it at the time and my immediate response to getting upset is to shut down and not express which doesnt help#and its so stupid but i need it to not be like this i cant keep living with her and getting so upset so regularly it has to stop now#ill think about itand maybe draft it. and then i can decide. but right now i need to eat. and pack. and then cut sorry. but its ok#ughhhhfdhf. please let this week be better ill try harder ill say something i have to im the one inflicting this on myself by not talking#about it!!!!!!!!! so. man and i think my dinner is cold now too. oh well#.vent#tw self harm
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theellipelli · 2 months ago
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I need to eat drywall nostalgic chill is so good GGRRRHAAAHHHHHHHH FIGHTING FOR THE SPOT OF MY FAVORITE FIC EVER RN. Anyway I wanted to ask what ur process is when writing fic? Especially something so lengthy and lore-heavy like nostalgic chill. Been trying to cook up some hsr fic myself but I get so overwhelmed by the sheer amount of world lore ..
your FAVOURITE fic EVER??? that is a lot of praise... waow...
thank u for asking such a fun question!!! my process is very losey goosey, specifically for this fic, but ill try to explain it as best i can
the (VERY) rough outline for this fic has been planned out since long before i actually started posting it, with it getting more detailed near the end (a few of the final chapters have already been drafted, actually)
on the path towards the end ive spread out a few plot points which are either just cool things i want to write about (like all those damn fights) or important character stuff (like the bailiu heart-to-heart and every single jing yuan reality check)
when i start a new chapter, ill usually already know where i want it to end, often one of those pre-planned points. ill spend a few days (or even one or two weeks) thinking about how to continue the story, and then once i have an idea ill like, ill sit down and start writing.
typically, a good idea will be the easiest to write for me. if i get stuck anywhere before reaching the end of the scene, ill usually just scrap it immediately and start over. i try to make each chapter one unbroken scene, so a reached plot-point isnt necessary for the chapter to end.
like, for the most recent 2 chapters, the plot-point ive been writing towards is jing yuan meeting the master diviner, which was a VERY important thing that needed to happen before anything else. of course, everything is also following an overarching goal, which is mostly just jing yuans character arc, and that is built towards in the narration between major events. also worldbuilding i guess.
on the research side, i dont have much to say? my grasp on the xianzhou lore is already pretty solid (its my favourite area) so a lot of the research i do lore-wise is just double-checking that i have my facts straight. also, reading the xianzhou lore is good for inspiration, if im really lacking in that, which is unusual but not impossible.
i dont think my process is especially unique? its definitely not very structured, but thats unusual even for me. idk tldr i think of cool stuff i want to write about and then fill in the gaps between those cool stuff. tis fun
as thanks for asking such a fun question, here is a little yanqing for you. kisses. mwah. blessed be the indulgence.
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dwntwn-strnlo · 1 year ago
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Could you maybe do a male reader for nick, like, him introducing the reader to matt and chris for the first time and being all flustered?
The nick boys thank youu!
POTATO SALAD nicolas sturniolo
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 𝓈𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓁𝓎, dwntwn-strnlo.
↳ 𝐀/𝐍. the restaurant is based off of a 50s themed diner in my area and its so fucking cool and i wanna go again but it was so expensive so me writing about it will make me happy and i can manifest me going again
↳ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. nicolas sturniolo x masc!reader
↳ 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘. request!
↳ 𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄��? yes!
hopping out of the car, excitement ran through your bones. and then utter fear snapped them right in half.
a draft of realization swifts through the street and hits you hard. you and nick have been going out for a few weeks now, but your still yet to meet his brothers. let alone any of his family for that matter. but now, you are.
you stand outside the 50s themed diner, chasing your hands nervously through your hair. worry presents you as you think about the possibility of matt and chris not taking a liking too you. so as you fix your hair, the only thing you can think of is if they hate me at least ill look fucking amazing.
pulling out your phone, you decide texting nick that your here is the best idea to get rid of the annoying jitters. to your surprise, he responds almost immediately, and rushes out of the building just as fast, if not faster.
"hey," he smiles, skidding to a stop in front of you. "nervous?"
you shrug. but its no use, your incredibly nervous and nick can see right through you. i guess that's what you get when you start dating your best friend; they know everything about you.
nick lightly frowns, reaching his hand out to soothingly rub your arm. "matt and chris are gonna love you." he giggles when you roll your eyes, squeezing your shoulder before dropping his hand. "at least you'll get a feel of what my parents are like, in a way."
you furrow your brows at the slightly shorter boy, "dont even start about me meeting your parents." you huff, sticking your hands in your pockets. "your brothers are scary enough and they are literally knock offs of you."
he smiles, a small laugh escaping his lungs as he reaches his hand out for yours. "man up, kid," he giggles. "im hungry as fuck."
amusedly rolling your eyes, you take nicks hand in yours. only to be quickly dragged into the diner.
walking in, your immediately welcomed by the timey atmosphere. there's a red radio sitting on the checkered counter gently playing various songs from elvis presley, buddy holly, and aretha franklin. the sweet sound of their recognizable voices drifting into through your brain as you gawk at the large mural on the wall. the wall consists of large hand painted pictures of marilyn monroe, elvis presley, and a few other celebrities of their time.
the energy of the diner easily cools down your nerves, distracting you from the oncoming hours. but its only for a few seconds until nicks voice rips you away from your haze.
"well, here they are!" he mumbles, making you turn to look at his two triplet brothers. you cant help but notice how flustered nick had gotten within the last 20 seconds. too, nervous of introducing you to his life long best friends.
matt stands up with a smile, reaching out to dap you up. "im chris, nice to meet you bro."
ah. you've never personally spoken to them, and nick mustve assumed you knew who was who, because you have it flipped around. mixing names with faces, assuming matt was chris, and that chris was matt.
never have you been more grateful to not speak your thoughts out loud. if you called chris by his brothers name, you would've turned around and left. left the country if you will.
"yeah, you too." you smile, dapping him up aswell.
the real matt stands up and leans over the table, giving you an unintentionally awkward side hug due to his position over the table. "matt, nice to meet you." he smiles.
"you too," you repeat, maintaining your smile. desperately trying to hold it and not look like an idiot.
"so," nick says through nervously clenched teeth, scratching the back of his neck as his eyes dart between you and his brothers. you meet his gaze and his eyes are wide with panic. skin flushed a soft pink as the nerves run through him.
you want to comfort him, but that's near to impossible when you seem to be just as nervous as he, maybe even more. you hate seeing nick freaked out, but what can you do?
you smile lightly, if you can't verbally comfort him you can at least try and play the part of being calm and not on the verge of an absolute freak out. he searches your eyes quickly before turning to his brothers.
they both flash you and nick reassuring grins, sensing your unease.
sucking in a shaky breath, you sit down first. the triplets following your action and immediately breaking out into questions.
clearly they have been holding off because they ask you things that you figured nick would've answered already. like when the two of you first met, did you have any classes together in high school, and so on. but that made you feel a little better. they wanted to ask you these questions themselves, and not from another person.
you slowly eased into the conversation, answers to random questions coming smoothly unlike they did a few minutes ago. seeing your tension slip away, nick eventually stopped staring at you making sure you were okay. your comfort made his comfort welcomed again. you getting along with his brothers was the one thing he had been most worried about since the four of you scheduled this.
once the waitress finally makes their round and ends up at your table, you all make your orders. she leaves, and your quickly bombarded with questions again.
nick's laugh rings through the air, immediately fueling your heart with warmth as he smiles. "guys, lets chill out. this isn't an interrogation."
chris teasingly rolls his eyes, "can i just ask one more question? please? this will be the last one i swear to god."
nick shoots a glance at you, checking if you had any input on this. you just shrug your shoulders in response. honestly enjoying the attention as much as you hate to admit. he huffs, "last one."
"okay," chris giggles, putting his hands together. you turn to look at him, waiting for him to go on. "me and matt gotta know. how's your moms potato salad?"
"chris." nick hisses.
matt and chris immediately break out into laughter. not having any idea what they mean, you answer truthfully.
you smile, "i love her potato salad."
"uh oh," matt giggles. eyes comically widening as he puts a hand up to hide his growing laughter. he turns to look at chris and they share a look, resulting in more laughter.
nick turns to face you, a look of annoyance sitting on his face. "ignore them."
his remark only makes you seem to laugh too. at this point, you have no idea what your laughing at. nick stays expressionless for several more seconds before he cracks and smiles too, playfully rolling his light eyes.
A/N TWO ; i hate potato salad im honestly w nick on this one #top10biggestfears
TAGLIST
@thetriplets3 @p1harmonydelulu @stxrniqlo @ifilwtmfc @iha8you @oneirophobic @20nugs @fenoy7 @mlimmm
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thrawns-babygirl · 2 years ago
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Insufferable Pt 2 (Crosshair x F!Reader)
Writers block is killing me lmaoooo so I decided to make a part 2 to one of my first fics i ever wrote because its been sitting in my drafts for way too long. Hope Yall enjoy, let me know what you think. Likes, Reblogs and Replies fuel me so pls dont hold back. Thinking of writing a part 3 but idk yet lol
I proofread it but im tired as hell so let me know if i missed anything
Rating: (E (18+) Warnings: Gags, Unprotected PiV, Creampie, Oral (F!Receiving), mentions of drawing blood Word Count: 2600+
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It’s been weeks since the Batch landed on Kamino. Weeks of tests and poking and prodding and nothing to do but wait for orders to come in. It’s been a while since the batch had been on Kamino for this long in between missions and tensions were running high. Hunter had snapped at Wrecker, Tech had snapped at Hunter, Wrecker was trying to keep his head down and Crosshair? Crosshair was being the most unbearable of them all.
The Batch were used to his clipped replies and scathing remarks by now, but at the moment it’s like he was trying extra hard to be a snarky prick and the others were sick of it. They had gotten a brief reprieve when Crosshair was called down to the shooting range for an evaluation by Nala Se and a couple of other doctors and scientists but according to Tech’s findings in the Kaminoan data base he performed ‘sub-optimally’ and was sent to medical for an examination.
The Batch shared withering stares, knowing that if Crosshair was being intolerable now then the results of todays evaluations were only going to make the sniper ten times worse to deal with. A new mission could not come soon enough.
Crosshair was stalking down the halls of Kamino, and if looks could kill, any reg that he passed would have dropped dead had he been brave enough to make eye contact with the furious sniper. He was seething to himself as his legs dragged him down to the medical wing, towards the one person he wanted to see less than anyone else on this maker forsaken planet at the moment, you.
Ever since he made the grave mistake of giving in to his sordid desires with you on his mind, he could barely look at you, not that the two of you had a good relationship to begin with, but now it was worse.
Any time he looked at you he would be reminded of how he debased himself to the thought of you. How he couldn’t even control himself enough not to give you the smallest amount of power over him, and he hated it. The worst part? It wasn’t even the one time. After the metaphorical seal was broken, he couldn’t stop. Every night since he would bring himself to mind-blowing, leg shaking orgasms by his own hand in the ‘fresher, your name threatening to escape him in the form of strangled groans as he bites down on his fist to stifle his sounds. Those same nights he would wake up, panting, painfully hard as your form invaded even his subconscious.
He knew his brothers were on the receiving end of his short temper more than usual, but they had luckily chalked it up to their lack of action recently and being cooped up together in a tiny barracks on Kamino. He’s not sure how he would deal with it if they had any idea of the real reason he was so short tempered with them.
He’s shaken from his reverie as the door to your office slides open, he was so lost in his thoughts he didn’t even realise he was just standing outside your door. You look up at him, datapad in hand and give him a sickly-sweet smile. A brief look down at the pad in front of you shows the results from his lacklustre performance at the shooting range as well as some requests for certain medical examinations to see if the cause of his frustration is physical or mental.
He barges past you into your office without uttering a word and takes a seat in front of your desk.
“Well hello to you too Cross” you beam at him. It’s like you enjoy watching him suffer, like you derive some sick pleasure from watching him fail. He can’t stand it; he can’t stand you. So why is his cock reacting to your taunting smile? Why does he have to actively resist the urge to push you up against your desk and shut you up himself? He still doesn’t say a word, just glares at you while he pops a toothpick in his mouth.
“Just a couple of things today before I move your ungrateful behind onto a specialist, shed your armour and take your top off so I can draw some blood” He’s totally silent as he removes the top half of his armour and blacks, revealing the planes of his scarred chest. You quickly and painlessly draw some blood from his arm before running it through a machine to test his hormone levels and to test for any diseases.
“Have you been sexually active in the last 6 cycles?” You ask while looking down at the machine readout that’s coming up on your pad. The question startles him, he knows it’s standard, its not even the first time you’ve asked him, but while his traitorous cock is trapped against his body and his codpiece the question feels… different. He concedes that he can’t remain non-verbal the entire appointment and the sooner he gets through this the sooner he can… relieve himself.
“Yes” his reply is clipped, he’s still refusing to make eye contact, preferring to look around the sterile white room. You give a light snort, before looking up at him from your pad.
“Something funny?” he grits out at you, teeth clenching down on the toothpick in his mouth.
“Oh just with your sparkling personality I just wasn’t sure how lucky you were wooing the ladies, or men, no judgment, you’re just a little… how should I say this… abrasive?” the machine has finished uploading the data from his blood samples to your pad and you continue flicking through the results to see if there are any anomalies.
“I’m nicer to people who don’t piss me off Doc” he’s looking away again, out the small window near the back of your office, watching the ever-present Kamino rain. “Besides working for the GAR you get a lotta ladies hanging around bases looking to have some fun with a clone or two. But I’m sure you know all about that don’t you?” he turns to face you, a cocky smirk painting his features.
You balk, gripping your pad, brows furrowed as you look for something to say. He’s not wrong after all, you have had a rendezvous with a few clones in your time serving as a doctor on Kamino. It gets lonely and the donor was a very attractive man, so naturally things were bound to happen.
“Jealous Cross?” you’re still inputting the results of his blood test into the system, refusing to make eye contact as you try to recover from being called out.
“Not at all, why would I need some reg’s sloppy seconds when I’ve got lines of women ready to throw themselves at me and my ‘sparkling personality’ any time I’m off world” he finally has the upper-hand again and you’re scrambling to keep up. You simply decide on staying quiet while you gather the instruments required for the rest of the exams and will the rising blush away from your cheeks. “Out of the rest of your armour and on the bed” you grit out at him, still refusing to look him in the eye.
“Oh Doc, you gotta woo me a little better than that if you want me in your bed” you can hear the cocky smile in his voice breaking through over the clatter of his armour hitting the hard floor of your office as he follows your instructions and sits down on the cot in front of you. “If I wanted a cocky di’kut in my bed I’d ask any of the clones from Tango Squad to join me, not you, now lie down so we can get this over with and you can be a pain in your brother’s asses instead of mine” you move the scanner over him, adjusting the settings before running it over his whole body, watching the readouts closely searching for any abnormalities.
“Those shinies wouldn’t know how to please a woman if it hit them in the face” he drawls, eyes trained on your form leaning over his body. You let out another involuntary laugh “Oh and you would hotshot?” your eyes don’t leave the readout in front of you, if they did you would see the tent that Crosshair is pitching in his blacks as his eyes rake up and down your form.
Every single lewd thought the sniper has had while touching himself in the refresher coming to the surface now that you’re so close, the confirmation that you have indeed slept with regs making his blood boil. He could make you feel better than any of those regs could ever dream of, he would make your body sing for him, and he’s certain you would let him.
 “I would” he states simply and watches as a blush spreads its way up your neck to the tips of your ears, your throat bobs slightly as you swallow, and he knows he’s got you right where he wants you. You finish your scans, moving the machinery away and begin busying yourself with your datapad again. Without looking up you walk over to your office and punch in a code to the door panel locking it before walking back over to where Crosshair sits on the edge of the cot, leaning back with his hands planted on the fabric behind him, lets spread, rolling the toothpick in his mouth from one side to the other.
“Prove it then” you finally look up, placing your data pad on the desk.
“Now now Doc, who says I want to prove myself to you?” his voice dropping an octave as you saunter over to him. Your eyes land on the bulge caged by his blacks and you smirk up at him “Your body betrays you trooper, but if you don’t want to I have plenty of fine men on the other side of that door I can mmphh-” he silences you by slamming his lips against yours, his hands moving to your hips and pulling you against him as he runs his tongue along your lower lip, you open your mouth slightly and he slips his tongue inside, swallowing any sound that threatens to escape you.
You reluctantly break apart for air, panting slightly with kiss swollen lips as Crosshair stands up off the bed and slowly starts peeling your uniform pants and panties down your legs. “You talk too much Doc” he grunts out spinning you and placing your now naked ass on the bed that he was just occupying. “and what are you going to do abou-” you’re once again interrupted as Crosshair shoves your panties into your mouth and you look at him incredulously. “Much better” he growls as he lowers himself down to his knees, running his hands along your bare thighs before spreading them and gazing at your slick entrance.
“You’re already so kriffing wet doc, those regs mustn’t be treating you right if you’re already this soaked for me” you can feel the warm puffs of his breath fanning over your sensitive entrance as he talks. He looks up at you, not breaking eye contact as he licks a broad stripe up your cunt, swirling the muscle around your clit before diving in and eating you like a man starved.
Your groan is stifled by the fabric shoved in your mouth, saliva is threatening to spill around your lips as Cross laps at you. You close your eyes and lean your head back, indulging in the feeling of his tongue slipping inside you. You didn’t want to admit it but the clones you have been sleeping with have been somewhat lacklustre recently, with you often having to finish yourself off after they excused themselves back to their barracks. Tonight however, you can tell by the rapidly tightening coil in your stomach that that will not be an issue.
Cross groans into your cunt, and the vibrations of his voice send electricity shooting down your spine, winding the coil tighter. You open your eyes and glance down, the Sniper has freed himself from his blacks and his using his free hand to stroke his hard length vigorously. The sight sends you over the edge, your thighs wrap themselves around his head as all of your muscles tense and your orgasm washes over you and down onto his chin, your loud moans of his name muffled by the now soaked fabric still stuffed in your mouth.
Crosshair continues lapping at your juices, bringing you to overstimulation before extracting himself from your thighs and wiping your slick from his face. His smirk has evolved into a cocky grin as he stands and lines himself up with your entrance.
“You ready for the main course doc?” you nod vigorously as he runs the tip of his cock along your soaked entrance, teasing your clit before pushing forward enough for just the tip to slip inside only to pull it back out and continue teasing you.
You groan through your gag and tilt your hips upward hoping that he will get the hint and fuck you already. “Oh if only they could see you now, the high and mighty Doc just begging to be filled by a defective clone… if only they could see how much of a slut you are for my cock-” he punctuates his statement by finally slipping himself inside of you in a single swift thrust.
The feeling of your tight walls rips an uncharacteristically loud groan from the sniper, you felt divine, and after so long fantasizing about fucking you, he’s certain he’s going to bust early like some damn shiny losing his V card. He stays still for a moment, one hand gripping your thigh and the other reaching between the two of you to start toying with your already sensitive clit, causing your head to loll forward. Slowly, after acclimating to the way you stretch around his girth, he starts moving, his cock reaching perfectly inside to that sweet spot that has you rapidly approaching your second orgasm quicker than you anticipated.
You’re lucky your office is soundproofed, the loud moans that make it through your gag and the sound of his hips slapping against yours would paint any passer-by a very vivid picture of what exactly is going on behind closed doors. The drag of his length against your walls is heavenly, the tight circles he’s drawing against your clit with his fingers cause your muscles to clench around him, strangling his cock as your orgasm washes over you. You pant through your nose, squeezing your eyes shut as your peak engulfs you, loud moans of his name caught on the makeshift gag still stuffed in your mouth.
Placing both of his hands onto your hips and resting his head in the crook of your shoulder he chases his own peak, hips slamming into yours as he latches his mouth against your neck sucking a dark mark against your skin as his cock throbs inside of you, spurting ropes of hot cum into your abused pussy. Thrusting a few more times before stopping and resting his forehead against yours in a surprisingly intimate gesture.
You’re both panting, as he finally reaches up to remove the soaked fabric from your mouth. He slowly extracts himself from you, watching as his release starts spilling out of you onto the white bed beneath you and begins to redress. “I think I’ve proven my point doc; anything comes up on the scans let me know” he says as he continues clipping the hard plastoid of his armour into place. You nod, still somewhat at a loss for words as you watch him tuck your panties into a pouch on his belt. He gives you a three-finger salute before unlocking the door to your office and making a quick exit before you get a chance to say anything to him. Leaving you to redress alone and figure out what the fuck just happened.
@where-is-my-mind-tho @starborncyare @antishadow2021 @healingskywalker@crosshairlovebot
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megabuild · 7 months ago
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this isnt about the ask game but i need you to tell me more about your take on pausetho. i just binged starblight desert and theyre the worst /aff what do you have to say about them
the fact you've specified starblight desert is really interesting to me because not only it is a team canada series but it's also the most recent team canada series- which isn't a bad thing to be clear, because pausetho is eternal and forever, but it interests me because i think pause and etho's dynamic changes a lot in a way that i wouldn't consider applicable to other ships of his that have that long and ongoing history (eg. ethubs, beeftho).
when i think of pausetho i think. the two of them are fundamentally quite lonely characters. full disclaimer that i'm far from #educated on their respective mindcrack povs because i haven't watched them in a hot minute, but. etho is extremely lonely often through choice, especially imo with the way i interpret his time on mindcrack as being shortly after all the 404 nonsense on the lp (tldr he has just went through the most traumatic experience of his life and learned most of what he remembers prior is probably fabricated). etho is also known for his masks and during mindcrack i think a big one was being this very respected and almost famous guy.. a lot of it was in jest ofc but like he's Thee Etho's Lab! this in addition to the fact that he's sort of intimidating in the same way he was in 3l+ll because his uhc rankings were pretty solid.
meanwhile pause is also lonely but imo in a different way. because etho is a guy who chooses loneliness to avoid the eventual hurt that comes from connection whereas pause is a guy who chooses connection time and time again but never really properly connects. hes a lot harder to analyse so forgive me because i also have to tread the dreaded rpf/fiction line here and start pulling from examples most people wouldn't consider due to it being Too Real (also i dont care because its complicated but anyway) one thing that always sticks out to me is the various mindcrack podcast episodes where he ends up being outspoken? i dont have any actual numbers on hand but i Def remember it in regards to like, discussions of female gamers and gamergate and the like and pause often being the one guy to speak up and be like This is shitty actually. that in addition to some far more complicated things i dont have the words to get into right now eg. being the guy on the gayest straight server ever who is actually bisexual But anyway. my point is that among mindcrackers pause to me is in a weird situation where he certainly fits in very well but simultaneously sticks out like a sore thumb in ways he cant really do anything about without massively compromising himself, so despite not being lonely in the same way etho is, there is a certain Something there.. sorry this makes zero sense but this ask has been sitting in my drafts for like a week and im desperate to get rid of it. PLUS he also deals with this in the form of a mask (he is actually a very anxious and soft hearted guy imo but often plays up and is fiercer and shouts more to get laughs but also to come across as bigger and more intimidating than he actually is. not that he needs to because jesus have you seen this guys uhc stats? frankly i should have skipped this entire essay and just linked the various times that etho and pause have clashed in uhc)
anyway jesus this got long . all of this is literally not real btw the main reason i like pausetho is because theyre funny and pause is one of my favourite guys and i wish there was more content for him. but also generally like.. this is the complicated messy reason to like them but also yeah generally just watching team canada and seeing their dynamic is fun bc they are just really good friends ^_^
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eddieshellfxre · 2 years ago
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How can I resist
Eddie Munson x Fem! Reader
Word Count: 2.9k
Summary: Eddie and y/n have always had a comfortable and flirtatious friendship, but i guess it all comes down with a little alcohol and leather
Content: 18+ unprotected PiV sex, creampie, swearing, alcohol, smut, kink
a/n i have been gone for so long, but i took advantage that im on bed rest to finish up this one that ive had in my drafts for a while.
reblog and like if you do ♡
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Tuesday night, like any other Tuesday night it was Corroded Coffin night, with that your best friend Eddie always picked you up, and like always you were running late when you hear the doorbell ring
“shit shit” you say worried “mom can you please open its Eddie, i just got out of the shower” you hear the door close downstairs and try to find a towel big enough to wrap your body in, you manage to find one but it barely covers your ass cheeks. You run to your room to find Eddie already there “hi, im so sorry i’m late, ill be quick i promise” you kiss him on the cheek and run to your walk in closet
“its alright we got time, i was just bored at home…. Decided to drop by early” he pauses looking at the clothes you have displayed on your bed, alongside it your bra and panties “damn” he whispers as he stares at the lace lingerie set.
“oh but still i dont want you to be late. Ill just get dressed and do my makeup” You run back to your room still in nothing but your towel and grab your clothes and underwear. Eddie lays down on your bed, resting on his elbows waiting for you.
You get your bra on and panties, and put on some new black leather pants, you stare at your self in the mirror and notice that the outline of your panties shows up in the tight pants “fuck it” you remove your leather pants and panties and decide to go commando, no one is gonna notice it anyway, and besides it looks way better. Top part you decide to pair it with a corset like top with some red detailing around the front. You try and tie it well but you can't do a knot behind your back “Eddie???” you call “i need your help, can you tie a knot behind my back please” you say as you walk back into your room. Eddie sits up straight once he sees you “what?” you ask as you notice he's not moving
“i—i nothing you just—you look great” he says nervously “c’mere ill help you” You turn your back to him, so he can tie the knot, Eddie totally wasn't aware of the big mirror in front of you, so he didnt hide the fact at he was completely starring at your ass, you blush at his reaction, butterflies go crazy in your stomach, you couldn't deny he had some type of effect on you but you tried your best to hide it “there you go sweets, all done”
“thank you, Eddie, all i need is my makeup” you walk over to your dresser and lean over it to do your eyeliner, once again noticing how Eddie is completely starring at you while sitting on your bed “you alright Eddie? You keep starring at me?” you point out
Eddie breaks his eye contact, cheeks flush red he says “i just think you should dress like this everyday, it looks—great”
“oh stop it, i look normal” you finish your makeup and put on your high-heeled boots “all set, what do you think?” you say while he takes your hand and twirls you around
“i think—“ he says pulling you in “you look hot” sliding his open palm down your back, resting just above the curve of your ass, “you’re not wearing any underwear are you?” he smirks
“i think you’ve stared at my ass for way too long sir, it's time to go”. It was comfortable with Eddie, you have known him all your life, you know absolutely everything about each other, the flirtatious conversations were just part of your friendship, none of you ever acted upon it. you let go of his hold and grab his hand and make your way to his van.
The ride to the Hideout was short, especially with Eddie driving. You arrive there with Eddie’s arm around your shoulders, pulling you in close, you walk up to the bar
“hi Betty” you greet the bartender
“hi y/n, sup Munson you ready for tonight? heard the turn up is pretty big” she says “the usual im presuming? Beer and a whiskey for the lady?” you give her a smile and a wink as she pours you a glass of whiskey.
You look over at Eddie and see he's a bit restless
“you alright Eds?” you ask
“yeah, no im—yeah im fine im just a bit nervous tonight thats all” he takes a sip of his beer and looks at his watch “im gonna go on in like 15 minutes i need to get ready, so let's do a check” he says placing his hands at your hips
“alright then” you start saying as you begin your weekly routine ritual “teeth? Check hair? Check! You’re good to go Munson, give ‘em hell” you pull him in for a quick peck on the lips as always, his hands clenched together at your touch, you tried to make nothing of it, since it was a normal thing you always did, it was sort of good luck kiss. He gives you a wink and walks away, no one could deny the grip he had on you didnt make you absolutely melt but—
“you guys make such a cute couple” Betty says interrupting your train of thought
“we’re not a couple Betty, we’re best friends”
“honey, the way he looks at you all the time isn't just friendly, besides what kind of friends kiss each other holding onto you like that?” she laughs
“best friends! it's a good luck ritual we’ve always done, before any big event in our lives… its no big deal” you excuse yourself. Betty laughs and goes on to attend other customers. Shortly after you see Robin and Steve enter the venue, you wave at them as they make their way to you
“dont you look hot” Robin says with a smile
“hi Robin, how are you?” you say politely
“no yeah you’re right Hi y/n….. You look fucking hot” she says smiling again
“hi Steve” you say with a hug
“hey sweetheart, has Eddie gone on yet?” he says
“he should be going up any minute now—there he is” you say smiling, your face absolutely lights up when you see him, god he’s beautiful! You smile at him, and he returns with a wink as usual. He made you feel special, always have!
Corroded Coffin started playing and everyone was just having the time of their lives, dancing and singing along! Eddie like usual kept his eye on you the entire time, god he's beautiful, you love staring at his fingers move quickly along the neck of the guitar… its hot As the show continued, you, Robin and Steve get to talking
“they are gravity defying!” Robin says, somehow the conversation turned to your boobs “literally cannot fit anything between them!! Look at how tight they are pressed together” she says to Steve
“im i may… im looking respectfully… but she's right” Steve says taking a shot straight after
“i bet i can fit a shot glass between them” you joke
“if you can, ill take a shot of it” Robin says with a smile, you laugh at her but decide to play the game.
You grab onto a shot glass and squeeze it between your boobs, far enough where it’s stable “Betty, give me something to pour” you say. Betty hand you a bottle of vodka and you pour it down “go on then, take the fucking shot” Robin seemed nervous, but she was down for it, you push your chest up, and she takes the shot glass with her mouth and drinks it up
“ah, i did it” she says pulling the weirdest face “most exciting thing that ever happened in my life” she laughs.
Steve was silent, no words no nothing, he just kept taking sips of his beer. He knew it would be pointless to say anything to Robin, she would just do it anyway!
The conversation continued, and the show came to and end, with that Eddie came straight to you after the show
“sooooo” he starts “how was it?” he says fixing his bangs
“you were so goooood!!! im so proud of you” you say giving him a hug
“Eddie i took a shot out of y/n’s boobs, it was awesome” Robin interrupts. Eddie quirks an eyebrow at the two of you. “with a shot glass might i add…. It was great you should try it” she says without thinking. Your mind went blank, she really needs to shut up sometimes.
“i—i dont think so” Eddie says nervously “its—its im alright”
“c’mon Munson, man up and do it”
“im alright with it, its just a shot”
“no make it interest…. Tequila shot! Lick the salt of her too” Robin says, a cheeky grin forming up on her face, she loves an uncomfortable situation.
This cannot be happening, how were you gonna control yourself. Betty pours the tequila in the shot glass between your boobs, and sprinkles the salt from your chest to your neck, handing you a slice of lime
“you ready Munson?” he nods as he holds onto your waist with both hands, just this alone made you weak already, he lowers his mouth to the glass taking it and drinking up the liquid pulling you in closer you feel his tongue lick the salt from your chest, your eyes close as you feel his tongue licking the salt of your chest, you can't help you let soft moan escape, hoping Eddie couldn’t hear but the way he squeezed your hips made you think otherwise, you didnt know what to do, you were getting nervous and felt like things were getting out of hand “lime?” you ask with a smile, handing him the slice. He bites it never breaking eye contact with you. His hold on you became tighter and tighter as the tension between the two of you grew
“excuse me but like get a room” Gareth says “we’re gonna head out you guys are staying? Wanna grab a bite” you both nod your heads yes and make your way of the venue with the rest of the band following right behind.
On your way to Eddie’s van was pretty much normal until you were actually alone in it
“did it weird you out?” you ask in a hush tone, afraid to know the answer
“no, did it weird you out?” he asks
“no!! im comfortable with you i dont care, besides we give each other a peck on the lips all the tim—its no big deal” you say looking away. Eddie drives up to this diner in the middle on nowhere, everyone was already parked there. You take a seat on Eddie’s lap, his hands straight up to meet your hips, holding you in place
“just please dont move” he laughs “for the love of god dont move”
“im sorry, these pants are slippery against your jeans, im trying” you whisper. You try your best to keep your posture but it keeps getting harder…. Everything! Feeling his bulge press into your ass you knew he had to be worked up already. You try to ignore it, it wasn't the first time it happened but this time felt different… why did it kinda feel good? what was happening? this is ridiculous, maybe its just the booze getting to you…. Both of you
The cold Hawkins night breeze was getting to you, you cross your arms to cover yourself from the cold
“you cold?” Eddie asks
“yeah a bit”
“here take my jacket”
“but then you’ll be cold”
“not with you on top of me” you blush and get his jacket on “looks better on you than it does on me” his hands sliding down to your thighs “keep still” he says in a serious tone.
Not long before everyone was done with their food and drives off, you and Eddie do the same.
Arriving at your door the tension kept growing
“you wanna come in for coffee or something?”
“Bit late for coffee dont you think?” he laughs
“just—shut up”
You could feel his gaze on you the entire time you walked up to your room, you still dont know what is happening but you dont really mind it…. i mean its Eddie.
You walk in and Eddie is already making himself comfortable while you try to untie the knot behind your back
“Eddie help me out, i cant get this knot out” you say, pulling your hair over to one side, exposing your neck to him, he helps you untie the knot and starts kissing your shoulder “Eddie?! what are you doing” you ask nervously
“if you dont want this, tell me right now and ill stop” His voice comes from right behind you, big hands gripping your hips to pull you against him, continuing to place sloppy kisses along your neck ” you smell so fucking good”
“Eddie i dont think we—“
“should be doing this? Why we already kiss all the time dont we?” he says mocking your earlier words. Hands on your hips he turns you around, you smile at the ground as you feel his index under your chin, raising for face to his “give me one good reason as to why this is wrong?”
“It could ruin us Eddie i dont want that”
The space between the two of you closes as you feel his lips onto yours, but not like the other times, it’s different!! Its needy, its hot. what began a soft gentle kiss quickly became a clash of teeth and tongue. You feel a smirk forming against your lips once he realizes you’re pulling him closer to you
“you’re that needy huh?” he whispers, next thing you know he's got your bent over your bed while he's standing behind you “fuck you’re hot” he lets out in a sigh, hands straight to your ass, slapping the leather on it slide up, reaching the band of your pants and pulling them down, totally exposing your self to him “oh babyyyy” he whines “i totally forgot you were commando” he lets out a moan, biting his lip. You feel two fingers running up your slit, collecting your juices, your head falls forward at the feeling of his fingers rubbing small circles at your bud, you moan out load when he inserts two fingers inside you, curling them to hit just the right spot to make you absolutely mental “come on princess let me hear you fall apart” he says fingering you from behind
You try to make words come out but your mind is blank as soon as he kneels down behind your and you feel his tongue flat against your pussy
“ohmygodddd” you mewl as he continues to eat you “ohmy—yes just like that” , all these new sensations are overwhelming, no one has ever made you feel like this. His large hands both on your ass, spreading your legs wider
“hmmm baby, you taste so good” he says against you, vibrations of his voice making you go feral
“Ed—Eddie? fuck me, fuck me haaaaard” you manage to say, his mind freezes but his body takes full control, reaching for his belt, undoing his jeans. It doesn't take long until you feel the tip of his dick
“you sure baby? this isn't like kissing” he says smiling, teasing your hole with his dick. You turn your head giving him a serious look “fuckkkkk, you're so tight baby” his head falls back as he feels you tight around him “so good for me” You moan as you adjust to him inside you “it feels so good” he says as he slides in and out of you harder and harder
Your moans fill the room a little too much, you reach out to grab a pillow and sink your face on it to muffle out the sound
His arm snakes around your waist, his middle finger coming in contact with your clit “come for me beautiful” he starts rubbing you in circles, while thrusting in and out of you relentlessly, the knot building up in your stomach soon to be undone begins to gain more and more pressure
“im—im close” you let out softly “ohmygo—now fuckfuckfuck” Eddie thrusts into you a couple more times before pulling out, you soon feel a warm substance coat your ass
“that…. was amazing!! jesus christ” he says falling onto the bed next to you, you continue silent as you try to catch your breath “was it alright for you? Did i hurt you?” he asks sitting up worried.
“It was amazing Eddie” you laugh “im just trying to catch my breath thats all”
“ohh, oh thats cool”
“also…. Can you grab me a towel or something?” you ask shying away “and clean… you know…” your crunch your nose, trying your best not to laugh, he's so out of it its cute
“yes im so sorry, i didnt know if i could come ins— sorry be right back” he gets up and grabs a towel that was left on the floor from your shower earlier, he cleans you up gently and helps you stand up.
You were both so nervous, you have never acted upon your feelings for each other, it felt comfortable but still nerve racking
“thank you, Eddie” you smile, reaching up to his face kissing him, his hands snaking around you hold you close to him, you break away smiling” want coffee?” he replies with a smile, kissing you.
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preciadosbass · 3 months ago
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21/8/24 [1X DIY <collage> — technically a draft from yesterday as it was posted on a schedule, key + significant photos at end]
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wow, i’ve been doing this for a while now. i woke up at just before eight and listened to frank iero’s ‘new’ single and oh my fucking god its so good. i love frank sm. i scrolled through my tumblr feed until 8:40 when i finally got dressed. today i’m going to adventure island [a theme park] with this person i know. i wish i could call her a friend, but she makes fun of me too much for me to count and i overall just don’t feel comfortable with her. however she’s alright to me occasionally, like today she seemed happy to be around me. i only see her as my mum is bestfriends with her mum, but my mum dosent believe the way she usually acts towards me.
today i got dressed into my silent hill shirt, black ripped skinny jeans, knee high converse, two spiked cuffs [one with longer spikes and without a third row], mcr bracelet, panic! at the disco bracelet, sleeping with sirens bracelet, diy can tab bracelet, and a diy beaded bracelet. along with my kellin quinn necklace, a taxidermy scorpion necklace, a taxidermy raccoon tail and a silver studded belt across the right side of my hip/thigh.] [because i was anticipating cold weather as the park is directly behind the beach, and it’s the warmest outfit i have. and yes, i copied this from mondays journal, shh]
i listened to my main playlist instead of a cd while putting everything on as i added three more full albums to it after listening to ‘this song is a curse…’ [illuminaudio - chiodos, discovering the waterfront - silverstein [[im surprised this wasn’t in it already]], and wires…and the concept of breathing - a skylight drive.] and then went outside to see boris at 9:30 after straightening my hair + putting on eyeliner. like always, i’d already stood in the doorway and said goodmorning upon waking up, but i wanted to sit by him/talk/and cuddle. i didn’t manage to be out with him for long as R [that person im going out with] and her mum/stepdad pulled up on the drive. so i greeted them and started packing my bag on the kitchen table.
while i was doing that, R handed me a monster original and started speaking about how she dosent know what one i like, but i’ve never had any other flavour as i dont generally go out and buy food/drink. it was really sweet of her and it proves that i guess she’s getting more friendly with me. just a few months ago she wouldn’t let me speak about much/would make fun of me constantly/etc. i’m glad that someone thinks of me and that anyone would do such a thing. i hope we do end up being friendly in a friend way, if that makes sense. like i personally consider a friend someone you can trust and open up to, and i hope we get to that point. i think what’s been preventing it is the distance between where we live.
anyway, in my bag i had: my camera [i bring it everywhere], two battery packs [one’s always in there & out of battery], a lead for the battery pack[s], a coke zero, my monster energy, my wallet with my disability access card, my skullcandy headphones, my phone, a tiny bag because i’ve been losing/having my earrings break a lot recently, my safe food, a few band pins that have fallen of my backpack, hand sanitiser, a safety pin [i don’t even know why], and a bat plushie. its not even a comfort plushie, he’s just permanently in my bag since i got him at another theme park, chessington, at the vampire ride. once i’d got everything ready to leave, i said goodbye to boris and me and R’s family set off.
while we were in the car, R suggested making a blend [again, she was acting more friendly which is super nice] but it didn’t work. then i had the idea of adding each others playlists to one another and putting it on shuffle, but that didn’t work either as her spotify was only playing songs off her playlist. either way, it was nice she thought of it. we ended up listening to our own playlists on the way to the theme park. i listened to: shoot the girl first, the used, signal the escape, fall out boy, falling in reverse, patrick stump, and my chemical romance. also on the way there, we saw an older woman with cat face paint on and hair ties that made her look like she had cat ears. i wonder what the occasion was, or if there was an occasion. just something i randomally remembered about the drive.
we arrived at 10 and got in not even five minutes later. we walked over to the stall where they sort out your tickets/passes and R’s mum activated my disability access card. it was super embarrassing because they had to take a picture of me, and it took ages, but everything eventually went through and worked. the first actual thing we did was find a table and put all of our stuff down. i met J and A. J is R’s family friend, and J’s mums bestfriend. i’m not too sure who A is to the both of them, but he went around with us. he’s 19, so i thought it’d be a little awkward, but when we started walking around to the other side of the park to this ride called green scream, i realised it wasn’t going to be.
its a kids ride, but for some reason its enjoyable. unfortunately the photo thingy wasn’t open so i didn’t get to see what we all looked like, but oh well. the next ride we went on was rage, one out of two of the bigger and ‘scarier’ roller coasters. i used to not mind rage, but over the years it’s become incredibly rough and your head hurts for at least half an hour upon getting off. its a shame because it completely prevents it from being an enjoyable ride, but it looks really smooth. we got on and set off up the vertical lift hill, which is honestly the best part, because your head can’t start hurting yet. then you go down this drop which is quite similar to thorpe park’s saw the ride, just less steep. the entire time the ride was running, my scorpion necklace was tied around my eyes. i was scared itd come off because i’ve already had one break without me knowing and they’re really cool/expensive to buy as you need to make sure their ethical taxidermy.
but, it did make the photo look silly. when i first saw it, i thought i somehow forgot to take my glasses of and didn’t notice. i did take a picture of the ride photo but got told off which was really embarrassing lmaoo, there was someone else taking a photo though and nobody said anything so i don’t know what was going on with that. [photo at end] i’m not too sure in what order i went on the rides beyond this point of the day, but i’ll carry on speaking about it anyways. afterwards, we went back to the table to have some snacks and talk a little to J + R’s mum. once we’d done, we went back round to where rage is and went on the blue [outside] water slide as it was boiling and it didn’t matter whether we got wet or not. there isn’t an access queue for this ‘ride’ so we queued up with everyone else and got round to having a turn at around 12:35.
A wanted to go on the green [inside] water slide so we split up once we got to the actual queues for each slide. it went long before me and R got on our raft. i went on the front and she placed herself at the back. we got absolutely soaking wet and the photo of us was so cool because our facial expressions were questionable and you could see the full length of my converse in it. i didn’t take a photo though, as the person behind the stand looked intimidating. afterwards we went back to the table and then went on the indoor ‘scary’ ride. which isn’t scary at all - mind you, it’s another kids ride - but the props and things are cool. it’s one of those rides where you go around in little carts and as you look around there’s holograms/animatronics/figures except it’s mostly monster/clown themed.
while waiting to be loaded onto the carts, my necklace started glowing [photo at end cuz why not] its kinda embarrassing to actually get on the ride. when you have an access pass, you get on first via the exit. but because of how the ride is designed, you have to get on - then they run it around a small bit of track while everyone looks at you. and then the others queuing get on. its so awkward knowing everyone’s staring at you slowly going by 😭. it was too dark to take any proper photos but i took a blurry photo of one of the larger figures because it glows and i think it’s cool. [photo at end] the last time i went to adventure island and on this ride with my mum + prevision, the ride faulted at a small hill and punctured a literal hole in my mums arm, and bruised both of mine, but today it went down it smoothly. thank god.
after getting off, we went on a sky drop. there was another one that had just been made which we planned to go on after. there was a problem with R and how small the seat was so she had to switch to one two seats away from me. the ride itself is pretty tame, but i have a weak stomach so it didn’t feel great lmaoo // from what i remember, afterwards we went round to the rage exit to get a time to come back and get on. it’s hard to explain but that’s how the ride access works. you go up to rides, ask for a time to come back, they add on how long they think people have been queuing in the general queue, and then you come back after X amount of time. so quite a lot of the time me, R and A were waiting at the table/going on smaller rides to pass time.
so, we went back to the table [J & A left] and came back to rage after around 40 minutes + the walk to the ride. i didn’t really fancy going on again, and A didn’t come altogether, but R wanted to do it did for her, although my head was still hurting from the last time we went on. this time, i was smart enough to put my necklace in my pocket. even going up the lift hill gave me more of a headache. and because my neck was still weak i couldn’t really keep my head back to the headrests, so my head was banging on the shoulder restraints. my vision also kept on going completely white. we both felt really shaken up afterwards so we went back to the table and everyone had something to eat. me and R decided to go on some tame rides to calm our sickness. it’s weird that i felt so bad afterwards, im completely used to going on big rollercoasters like the smiler, saw, etc, it’s just so rough.
we went on this mini ferris wheel and it was freezing. it took ages for everyone to be loaded on and while the people at the bottom are getting on, your stuck at the top above the sea, where you get all the wind. behind us was a guy wearing an exodus shirt which was cool, R didn’t think so though. she was making fun of him. carrying on, the ride eventually started and it was actually really calming. [photo at end] you could see the sea and the rest of the park nicely from up there. at this point i was getting more and more exhausted because i forgot i had a monster and i don’t ever wake up as early as what i did and then be full on all day. it finished at 3:10, and then we got the time for the ride beside it. R had been on before, but i hadn’t. i say that, but i definitely have - i just dont remember. the worker said ten minutes so we sat at the table [i rested my head in my hands and nearly fell asleep], and came back at 3:22. it was once again a kids ride, but i genuinely think it was faster than rage. and that has a loop. it accelerated so quickly i genuinely thought the controls had gone haywire.
but, this made it fun. it was the best ride i went on. while we were at the table beforehand, we decided on that being our last ride, so once it finished we packed everything up. we left the official premises at 4 and then got the adventure island fish and chips outside at 4:10. i didn’t have much because i couldn’t check the calories and i could already imagine how bad they were. i didn’t want to seem rude though, as R’s mum had paid half 70% of the price. while we ate, R’s stepdad walked to the car to drive back round to the seaside where we were sitting and pick us up. i noticed a lot of seagulls sitting on the rocks around the kid area of the sea so i took a picture of them with my camera. [photo at end]
i couldn’t zoom in as much as i wanted to because my lens was switched over from the normal setting. i just took it for the fun of it so it’s in no way how i usually take photos, the lighting on the rocks isn’t bad though. he got there at 4:30 and me and R listened to our playlists on the way back again. what came on shuffle on the way home was: patrick stump, panic! at the disco, silverstein, mccafferty, and get scared. we arrived back at my house at 5:40 and i cuddled boris for however long hopefully wouldn’t be considered disrespectful to guests. i also realised that he’d finally had his itch treatment yay!!
i asked my parents how he got along with it and according to my parents, he was vocal, but not agressive out of stress like he usually is. i’m so proud of him. then i went upstairs to my sisters room because that’s where R was. she was just on her phone so i sat on the floor and organised the photos taken today into picture collages. i stayed up there until they all left at 7:40. R was getting mad at me for sitting next to her anyways. once they’d started heading home, i went out to boris, showed my dad some band stuff, and then wrote a lot of this journal. i did this until 9:30 where i went outside properly with boris. i did go and see him every now and again while journaling but not for extended periods as my phone literally wont charge. i came back in at 2:10. while i was out there i noticed there are baby ones of those generously sized spiders that hang out on the driveway at night.
once i was back in the warm, i asked my parents if they had any receipts for my collage as i only had my coraline 3D receipts + a small cutout from the card that came with my insect stickers. it just shows each individual one so you know which ones you’ve got. my dad had an asda/primark/petrol receipts and my mum gave me the leftover paperwork/receipts from adventure island. i finished at 10:45 because it took me ages to work out how i wanted the collage to be set out and whatnot. either way i like the colour combo. [photo at end] after finishing, i went out to the kitchen to sit with boris and came back into my room at 11:20 because my phone ran out again.
i wrote even more of this journal and went upstairs to ask my parents questions about boris at 11:35. around this time, my head started hurting a concerning amount so i took some meds. im aware i sound so dramatic right now but you don’t understand how torturous that ride is until you’ve experienced it and the feeling afterwards. my eyes kept on going cross eyed and parts of my vision were cutting out. i do know i’m not the only one who feels like this after rage, though, because while we were waiting to go on for the first time a woman came off and she could barely walk afterwards. however don’t know whether my eating or sleep contributed/s to how bad my head is feeling. i finished my questions at 1, wrote a few paragraphs of this, and then said goodnight to boris.
i didn’t tell him about my day as my parents told me to tell him tomorrow so my head wouldn’t get worse so i gave him a little spoiler and cleaned the dog food can tabs in the sink. im going to somehow make a flower looking chain charm out of them. i did this while speaking to boris/apologising for going out, things like that. id shown him my collage earlier so i took some different shaped can tabs, the big dog can ones, my collage book, and a j20 bottlecap into my room to put into their assigned places for when i make stuff out of them. [photo at end]
then i went back out to boris and finished saying goodnight to him. because i cant stroke around where his ointment was applied [his neck] its quite a struggle to cuddle him the way i usually would, but i eventually finished at 2:24. i was supposed to be super quick as i wasn’t telling him about today, even though i always wish i could be longer. i then gave him his last meal of the day and he went in my room 3x times while i was awake. my head was still in excruciating pain despite the paracetamol so i went to sleep at 2:50 after finishing this journal. i kept on falling asleep and letting go of my phone/almost deleting paragraphs at a time. so i hope all of this still makes sense.
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🗝️ — boris/my cat, prevision/keyworker i have to see instead of being taken back into mainstream education, questions about boris/i ask my parents questions about my cat to verify he's okay + will be okay in the morning. its a compulsive thing and i'm hopefully going to be tested for OCD in the future.
have a good day/night O_o
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mononijikayu · 2 months ago
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hello 🥰 ive been following you and reading your works for a while and i think it's really cool how you can produce so many good quality fics so quickly. your readers are very very lucky ! how long does it usually take for you to finish your works? i would love to learn more about your process ! 🌷
hello hello!!! 🫶
i think it sort of helps that i dont sleep that much or very well and that im an irregular student in uni
i also think another factor is that my mind has ideas a lot. most of the time i sit down and think when im at a park before class and i type out a rough plot draft then i make it as soon as possible
because as fast as thoughts come, they go away too fast too. so i rush!!! which is why i make mistakes often!!! i just come back and correct myself!!!
it also helps that i type really fast. i used type out my notes in my undergrad and even now in my higher educ school days. so i think that's another factor!!! i write both on my phone and my computer (which is whyyyyyyy i have drafts everywhere and i get scolded for not paying attention to people im around when i have an idea 🥲🥲🥲)
making short drabbles or smth like say immortal sukuna, it takes me around an hour or so (the formatting is the hard part 🥲🥲🥲)
and say if im doing something in long format like 3 to 5k, it may take 3 to 4 hours, depending on my brain and my energy. 10k and beyond takes longer — but i try to get it done the same day after a break or tomorrow if i have time.
ashes of love, i got crazy writing about it because i could picture everything easily in my head. so i rushed writing it just to crank out the image i had in my head. because im frightened it would disappear and i'd just lose the vision!!!
but on days i dont update (like during exams) i already have something planned in advice, like a draft i didnt like and i feel like is good enough (a great example would be 'love me back—megumi fushiguro, i liked it but i didnt 'love' it you know???); i publish those to buy myself time.
usually its because im stubborn. i dont like leaving things not done and i wanna be a fan of my work too, so i wanna read it to see if its good enough.
so i have to finish it and give it to everyone to enjoy with me. so even if i only like it, i wanna put it in the world too. i think ill grow to love more than i just do now one day!!!
though, im not immune to being lazy. i think i still havent finished a lot of stuff and i have to rewrite them when i have more time. but i genuinely forget sometimes and i come back, reread and do it again. so it makes me unproductive too.
but writing is a destressing tactic to me and im crazy about it because its a way to find some peace of mind. so ill do it aa much as i can to be sane as much as possible.
tldr — i dont sleep that much, i have more time at times cause irregular school days, im stubborn, i chase my ideas like its the F1 and its a problem but also my sanity!!!
i'm sorry this is long reply, im a big yapper but all this changes depending on what happens and how i am (im also sickly sometimes BUT ideas dont stop even when im sick so i also write too) 😭🫶
(also please dont do this to yourselves, it causes a lot of back pain and cramps too. i sit far too much trying to finish ideas and its BAD. please do it in your pace too and make sure to keep your health first 🥹🫶)
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joocin-thebox · 7 months ago
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what if my g5 headcanons that will ultimately influence the story progression in my "rewrite" of mym?
under cut ofc because bitch we really get into it!!! (aka, long post)
i am one autistic bitch who feels let down my g5 in some aspects but mostly in a sense that it's just... missing some things!
disclaimer? i realy like g5. i come back to watch mym and tyt and the movie because it brings me joy and i like seeing the characters do things!
HOWEVER i personally feel like the story and writing is a bit... lack luster? im not sure if its because we're just missing so much information that's going to be explained later, or if the writers just... are struggling to piece together this lowkey mess of a situation our favs are in!
i just want to make sense of it all, and im a storyteller not a theorist so im not doing that theory stuff :) im just going to spew headcanons and be happy abt what i think could be implied by the writers that we dont actually get expansion on
[4/28/2024 edit] i drafted this way back in december '23 or jan '24 so some of these might seem "duh ofc! Thats canon!" but yeah, i just had it in the drafts for a loonngg time
now another disclaimer uhm,... when i "rewrite" mym im... not exactly going to remove key details? i think my intent is to include some things into each chapter that will make it a bit more digestible to all demographics? i like the sillies, i like the serious, and mym hits some really strong points that i think were executed perfectly! there are some things that are just spot on!
but again i just think mym is missing some elements and my headcanons are a result of that (obv bc thats what a headcanon is omg).
only big different in my rewrite will be opaline because her character is just... i dont know but i dont enjoy her. and i love villains. i am a villain enjoyer, and as many others have pointed out, she just randmly decides to be evil for the sake of being evil which sometimes i get it but before then it seemed like more than that? so im going to stick to "its more than that" and she has an actual solid goal in mind :)
this is more of an autistic revelation turned writing exercise so YAY let's see how this goes!
HEADCANON TIME!
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i love sunny!! since the movie she's been such a cutie and one of my favorites! in tyt and mym however, they have a habit of watering down her character to "naive protag who has flimsy and unbased morals" and that doesnt really sit right with me? sooooo headcanons for sunny? (and some others but mainly ones that focus on sunny)
Sunny likes history as a way to connect with her dad, and she collects things she thinks he might have liked, and continues his research partially because of her own ideals of friendship and spreading it, but also because part of her thinks she has to carry on his legacy
Sunny and Zipp have a "likeminded, different methods" leader rivalry
Sunny and Pipp love to spa day together! They're also late risers, and love healthy meals and afternoon strolls
Sunny lets Pipp style her mane and tail ALL the time for inspiration because she likes the pampering a little and bc she wants to help Pipp
Sunny does her best to assist her friends with their jobs from time to time. Mostly because of her admiration of Twilight and her idea of friendship meaning spending time doing things your friends love to do
Sunny invites them to help her make new smoothie ideas too
Sometimes Sunny spends time in the observatory, reminiscing her memories with her father. Typically on anniversaries and holidays. It's her form of quiet time
Sunny doesn't actually like help when she's cooking, not unless shes genuinely biting off more than she can chew. She'd rather her friends share the space with her while she cooks, and maybe grab an item or two for her when her hooves are full
Sunny considered looking to study magic after getting her alicorn powers, (zipp definitely encouraged it) but Sunny decided against it because 'she doesn't need magic if she has her friends'
Sunny isn't actually good at helping her friends emotionally. Her love language is acts of service, so kind words are all she can really offer.
Canonically (comics), Sunny likes to read! I like to think she has her own book nook and really likes books that are about overcoming odds and happy endings
(Based on the movie) Sunny's most noticable character flaw is believing every choice she makes is justified. A “ends justifies the means” type of character. She grows out of this when she learns she can rely on others to find a solution.
When given no option to explore, Sunny is a theorist more than a researcher
She was NOT immune to propaganda (but she knows what she truly believes in)
Sunny acts without forethought, and when there’s a kink in her quick plan, she forces herself to stop and reevaluate. All the same, she's sensitive to failure.
She is also quite intuitive, with her theories (even though help crafted by her dad) tend to be correct in one way or another!
Sunny was reluctant to rebuild the lighthouse because part of her felt like, starting over meant forgetting her father (as it tends to go, with grief of a parent.) [Her friends help her come around and work with her to give her father's stuff a safe space in the brighthouse]
oh man that's a lot! NEXT!! (any hc i have following posting this will be reblogged to here!!)
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I care so much about Zipp and the ways she can grow as a character. She was deep from the beginning but we never really got into more of her rather than her detective side. which i appreciate of course, but you know :)
Zipp is a natural leader (which in my rewrite i want to subtly emphasize this difference with Sunny learning to be a leader)
[Sunny and Zipp eventually would learn to work as a team, rather than one person having a more important say]
Zipp would be the one to teach Sunny what it means to lead, mostly indirectly, but sometimes directly
She leans away from leadership entirely and it causes a disconnect between her and her mother :(
She's drawn to puzzles and mysteries (especially in fiction) but prefers them in really fantastical settings
Zipp loves history, and views it as clues to her research about many things. If it's unrelated to current problem or doesn't have one on hand, she's not likely to read any history books
Zipp loves for Hitch to play detective with her. They snoop out clues together, and he helps her loosen up to solve the mystery faster as well as be more open minded
Zipp is wary of new ponies, and isn't quick to welcome anypony she doesn't know already or anypony not already dedicated to a cause (evidence: misty)
Zipp thinks Sunny studying magic and becoming more powerful would just be awesome to see
Zipp has a "problem" of being right all the time (sagittarius things)
After she gets ignored enough times about something she knows is true, she kind of just stops contributing to any conversation unless she has everypony's attention or if they're all out of ideas
She isn't a big fan of change? She prefers not to do new things all the time
But she LOVES a challenge!
Zipp is uncomfortable with being royalty in general. I assume she’d detach from the whole royalty thing entirely, and agree with Sunny’s ideals of democracy and equality to the point of stepping down as heir. Or she grows into her role, and becomes more and more queenlike each passing day
Zipp seems like the type to always be thinking, even during conversation. She isolates when things get too rough for her, and she's very quick to come up with schemes
Zipp is not good at lying. She avoids responses or tells half truths
She's an adrenaline chaser
Zipp starts out especially sarcastic toward Hitch because he's a sheriff and she thinks that's silly. Also because they have different ideas of leadership when they first meet.
Zipp (as well as Izzy and Sunny) love adventure!
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i was so iffy on izzy when they introduced her in the show... i feel like she went from being an actual character with thoughts, to... watered down pinkie pie which is not enjoyable lol but anyways i like her actual moments of personality (not implying her lol XD random!! moments ARENT personality, but there are time where she's actually pushing it to the point of it being genuinely irritating with no comedic payoff :/
I BELIEVE IZZY HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY!! it just makes sense!! [she remembers in complete detail, or doesnt remember at all until way later]
Izzy would rather lighten the mood than make serious decisions :) She doesn't avoid action, but she does avoid sole leadership
to me, she's Brave and Direct and will step in if nopony else will. the type of character who isn't the hero, but will get the job done
Izzy in my mind is prone to going off on her own and not running ideas by ponies before acting which :) has its issues but comes in handy!
Along with Pipp and Hitch, Izzy LOVES nature! She teaches them both about Bridlewood's flora and fauna :) eventually they start having plants in the brighthouse and wanna explore all flora and fauna in the 3 locations
Izzy likes plants and is curious to what types of plants there are outside of bridlewood
Izzy learns some kind of multitasking spell, where she can create many things at once if she is making things in bulk :D
she does feel out of place in the friend group (canon to canterlot comic) and has a hard time making friends with the unicorns in other places :( [this is up until Misty, who makes her feel better]
Izzy sees Misty as a best friend :) But also takes on a silly older sister role with her!
She helps Misty grow into herself, and feel more secure with her past bebcause Izzy passes on her "damaged doesn't mean useless" ideals she usually saves for her unicycling
Izzy inspires Misty to use creation to get out her feelings, like making tea or exploring with crafts, just to find peace. She also helps Misty get out of her comfort zone in smaller ways, helping her try new things
When Izzy went looking for Maretime bay, Bridlewood just thought she went missing
Izzy wants close unicorn friends :( someone to genuinely bond with [see: Misty]
Izzy’s creativity comes from being really resourceful, BUT as a unicorn that lives in trees i’d imagine she’d have more respect for the trees of any kind LMAOO
she’s always got a solution to a problem even if unconventional or… surprising... but quick thinker!
Izzy loves to create things she can share with her friends (even when she has none, its the future thought that counts)
Izzy is the tallest out of the 5 of them? At least she’s taller than Pipp and Sunny
Izzy believes in Sunny way more than the rest of them do :) When Sunny has a plan, Izzy is ready to back her up!
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now i see so many mixed opinions on pipp, but its mostly bc she's social media pony and i can't lie.... i tire of it... but pipp is great on her own! i dont think there's too much wrong with her, but at the same time i havent picked up much of her character and personality outside of social media (aside from this list ofc)
Bc her sister loves mystery and being a detective, Pipp lowkey has a spy hobby :) it started when they were kids, but it came back once they moved to Maretime bay
Pipp plans extravagant fake cases for Zipp every birthday :)
Pipp got her love of mystery (and by extension: horror / spooky) from her sister
Pipp does not have an interest in being any type of leader! she likes to inspire, but not lead :)
Pipp loves to glamp, and takes Hitch with her! Sometimes she camps with him to "embrace nature"
She likes to hear Sunny's spooky stories of the Everfree Forest
Pipp is a speed reader >:3 Any book she reads she just zooms through it
She's a great liar, for acting purposes but also just to save her hide.
Pipp can also be max sneaky, or by being the younger sib with no real duty to fulfill, its much easier for her to slip under the radar. Could be a reason she adores fame so badly and chases it harder than Zipp or Haven do
Pipp knows the city streets like the back of her hoof
She doesnt take Hitch’s title of sheriff very seriously unless she’s in Maretime bay
Pipp is VERY good at being a hype pony [ She was so happy to hype up sunny i ship pipp x sunny call that star petals ]
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ill be so honest, hitch was my favorite from the beginning :D he's my favorite g5 pony ever, he's so cute and i love him to no ends!! i really liked seeing him stand up for what he believed in, and then when sunny was like "look, i told you" he didnt try to make any excuse why any pony kinds couldnt be friends :) he accepted it and was ready to help! i loved his moral code, you dont see a lot of lawful good characters this day and age (as far as ive seen)
BUT they did... do something to change his character in mym and tyt, taking away his love for order and replacing it with "stupid cop" gags and him being extremely silly. I miss his overconfidence and ego :( i dont think it should have left with the movie's end, it would have been so funny is he was still such a hardass
When Hitch gets stressed, he tries to alieve the situation and then calm down
Hitch is a scaredy cat
He has an overwhelming love for Maretime Bay, and typically likes to stay there if he can
Hitch liked not having magic so he doesn't actually use the new magic he gains
Hitch is loved by everyone in Maretime Bay, and he loves to protect him as much as he can, but he doesn't baby them
He makes jokes about a holiday about him where everyone cleans up litter around town, but insists its a joke
He gives good advice!
Hitch wanted to protect Sunny from being alone, and often protected her from bullies
Hitch doesn't put his friends above the law, and insists on fair punishment
After he gets Sparky, Hitch doesn't get to work out as much
Adding onto that, Hitch and Pipp bond over mane care
He's a realist, and knows that he can be wrong. But he'd rather the proof be shown first before he switches his ideals
Hitch is always open to listen
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so called "free thinkers" when misty brightdawn is the best character in make your mark by far, solely because she feels (to me) like the only 3 dimensional character in the series :/ otherwise i just love her range and how silly she can be :) she feels real and fleshed out and obv she's just cute
Misty's special talent is actually inspiring change within herself and in other ponies, but whatever mym said is fine too
She's a jack of all trades after being made to be basically a maid of Opaline
She's got an excellent sense of direction
Misty got magic with everyone else, but bc of being in Opaline's castle, it was delayed, and weaker + Opaline forbade her from using it
Misty is more willing to confide in Sunny if prompted, because of all the times Sunny's protected her from pressure + Sunny is just a nice beacon of hope to talk to
Misty and Sunny bond over having to find their place in the world on their own due to absence of parent
Misty likes exploring creative outlets with Izzy
Misty hangs out with Sparky and Hitch n they're like a little family (blatant Histy shipping...)
Misty knows a lot about ancient artifacts
Misty (should) have her own room in the Brighthouse specifically for her, that only she and Zipp know about bc they both like quiet time
Misty and Opaline have a similar was of thinking after being together for so long (even though they weren't close)
Her moral code isnt cyrstal clear, due to her conflicted ideals after meeting the mane 5
She doesn't see Opaline as anything more than a faulty mentor and boss, but Opaline does provide for her so Misty is fine to stay
Misty and Izzy bond over basically being outcasts of Bridlewood (for different reasons)
Misty does not scare easy (vs Hitch who does, and Pipp who loves to be scared)
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brybryby · 2 years ago
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VERY LONG POST IM SORRY. DONT FEEL OBLIGED TO READ
HI. Alrighty, this has been on my mind for a while (ever since promotional content for Trials started being released).
I have a TON of analyses in the drafts, but I want to make this post before I release them for public viewing.
I know that I like to make goofy, light-hearted little fan animations and fan art of Outlast, but I think I need to start changing how I navigate through the content. After spending so much of my time deep diving and writing up these analyses, my eyes have been opened to just how much the franchise revolves around fucked up historical events. I feel that some of the stuff I've posted is tone deaf, or at least the way I posted about it is. And I think—for the most part—there's an understanding that I don't intend to be harmful, but I fear that the way I go about it **is**. (And obviously, action takes precedence over intent.)
For contextualization, when I initially got into Outlast at the age of 12, I was enthralled by the horror aesthetics and found a lot of the angsty gore to be cathartic. I felt so “taboo” and “scandalous” lol (especially as a developing child trying to understand myself amidst my puberty stage). I was young and—for lack of a better word—braindead in how I navigated the media. I was naive, mindless, ignorant, etc etc… Now that I have a deeper understanding of the narratives and historical implications/influences, I need to do better in how I interact with the franchise.
What am I getting at?
Pretty much, I'm working on being more careful with how I interact with the media. At the same time, I want the analyses that I post to be educational. And most importantly, please message me if I ever say some bullshit. Seriously. All I ever want to do with my life is to be a positive impact. I genuinely get upset if I cause harm to someone else. (One time I literally cried at a high school football game as a freshman because I thought I hurt someone else's feelings. It turned out they were faking it lmao. Then they started feeling bad and then that made me feel bad for crying and yea yea).
Seriously though. I know that my posts can get public outreach, and anything that has public outreach can be influential and have a good or bad impact. So please let me know if I do or say anything harmful or ignorant. I won't be offended. I don’t want to spread harmful stuff. There are many instances in my life where people sit me down to have meaningful conversations about shit I've said or done and how I can improve myself.
That said, I'll be posting more analyses and making my own syntheses of historical events. My next analysis post will be about Waylon's Asian-coding (specifically Korean-coding), how Trials actually supports this (using themes of US immigration), and why it is apparent to many Asian fans (including me, hehe).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That's pretty much it. But if you wanna stick around a bit further, I'll tell you my (excruciatingly long) story about how I got into Outlast :) along with how much it has invaded my brain and life :') and maybe get a little ~personal~ hehe
STORYTIME:
So, the game came out in 2013. Nearly 10 years ago. I was 12 at the time of its release. Let me tell you…this game was a HUGE impact in the horror community. HOLY. SHIT. It changed the way I looked at lockers and beds. I remember it being critically acclaimed (and rightfully so). It may have not been the most technical video game, but it certainly was a piece of art.
I remember commercials being shown everywhere. The trailer of beta Miles Upshur running and parkouring through Mount Massive while being chased by the tiny beta model of Chris Walker will forever be canonized as part my childhood. I remember specifically heading to the bathroom from my living room and my dad interrupting me to say “Hey! Check this out!” and then proceeding to play the trailer for my 12-year-old eyes. I was scared shitless.
Couple weeks later, Conan O'Brien featured Outlast in one of his segments of “Clueless Gamer” (yeah, my family and I used to watch Conan lol). I was very familiar with Slender and Amnesia, which were the 2 other games featured in this Halloween special, but this was the first time I REALLY got to check out Outlast.
Now, let me preface that during this time, internet culture was very interesting and even less safe than it is today. I had a ton of bad experiences on the internet during my childhood. But oddly (and embarrassingly), the emo/scene/horror/creepypasta culture was what brought me comfort amongst a sea of awful things you could find on the internet. It was probably unhealthy for my developing brain, but I indulged in a lot of angst that was presented with heavy gore and violence. And to be honest, looking at this kind of stuff at a young age helped me process a lot of my own personal shit that I experienced outside of the internet realm. (To be clear, I don't endorse this type of violence, and I don't endorse exploring the internet in the same way I did as a child—it was probably very unhealthy and I think it caused some early development issues.)
But nothing—and I mean NOTHING—scratched that itch more than the way Outlast did. I watched the finger cutting scene in Conan's “Clueless Gamer” and was fucking mortified. I was scared of the dark for weeks. But I remember spending that night in my bedroom looking at more Outlast content to get that cathartic fix to fill my emotional hole of…I don't know…morbid curiosity? I definitely felt shame at the time. I don't know. In recent years, I've been on this journey to process stuff I experienced during my childhood and I struggle to go about my middle-school/junior-high stage because…I don't know…puberty? Access to the internet? I once got bullied by a forum of adult men for posting fan art LMAO. I was 12 years old—I forgot what the fan art even was. ANYWAYS, yea. That was only one instance of my conglomeration of internet experiences. (Like many other peeps, I had to hide my gender & racial identity to preserve my sanity). Indulging in gore art was therapeutic and helped me release negative emotions in a non-harmful way. Horror-genre communities online have been mostly friendly and welcoming towards me. That's probably why I fell in love with Outlast as an art rather than a video game.
I wasn't in the fandom straight off the bat. I had other hyper fixations at times but I navigated through these other fixations with this personal “Outlast standard” where the art and fiction I consumed needed to be horror-themed, gorey, or angsty. And Outlast isn't solely to blame. I was into gore and angst before the game came out. It just so happened that it came out at such a perfect time in my life. (Horror made my queer self feel accepted)
This whole “Outlast standard” stuck with me throughout high school. Uh… this next bit of information may get a little personal. During my sophomore year, someone really important in my life passed away. Then I had this life-impacting thing happen during my junior year that changed how I perceived things forever (lol, this sounds so dramatic). I turned to art to help me process and yada yada… but y'know what really helped? You know what I turned to when I needed to “scratch the itch”? (I bet you'll never guess)
I finally considered myself a part of the Outlast fandom in 2018-2019. I was a high school junior/senior and I posted the Outlast-Outkast animation that got retweeted by Red Barrels. Had a lot of fun in the fandom during that time and it helped get my mind off of things. Also, I loved the fact that Waylon graduated from Berkeley. I was applying to colleges during this time and it made me romanticize Berkeley, lol. I ended up getting accepted. Had an awesome time. I recently graduated and got my Bachelor's. I'm very privileged and gracious for my experience. I spent a lot of grueling time and energy dedicated towards my education.
During my college years, a lot of the unprocessed shit from my childhood started resurfacing and it was becoming hard to navigate through life. I became really disconnected with people who were close to me. Art started to fall out of my life. Stuff happened. Got in touch with psychiatrists thanks to my college's free health services. I don't mean to downplay or normalize what happened, but I'll bring up that many college students deal with mental illness and depression (and this could be attributed to many things: moving away from family, student-life, financial pressure, pressure to secure jobs/internships, living alone for the first time, maturing into an adult, etc. etc.).
But I remember sitting alone in my studio apartment one weekend and started surfing Tumblr. I came across new Outlast fan art and it sparked my hyper fixation all over again. I re-read the comics and—OKAY THIS IS GONNA SOUND FUCKING RIDICULOUS—but I started jogging because Miles went on jogs LMAOOAKJDGHJAHKGFL. I finally picked up the pencil and started drawing again (after like…months) and drew Miles and Waylon flipping off Murkoff. And THAT was when I realized what the narratives of Outlast were actually about—FUCKIN' CAPITALISM AAUGGGHHH. MY LITTLE POOPOO BRAIN AT AGE 12 NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT. AND NOW THAT I'M AN ADULT—NOW THAT I CAN BLATANTLY SEE MYSELF AND MY PEERS AS VICTIMS/PRODUCTS OF CAPITALISM—CAN FINALLY FIND SO MUCH VALUE AND MEANING IN THIS GAME HHHRHRJGHKSDKFGLAJKDG SAY W H A T IM GONNA *explodes*
Then a year later, I started drawing more and more again. Trials' promotional marketing was becoming more prominent. I started posting my fan art on Tumblr. Then I made the fanimation (thank you Mr. Baichoo, you're so awesome, I will forever be a fan of yours) and now here I am. Still fixated on this silly little game for nearly 10 years. WHEW.
I FEEL LIKE A SHRIMP CHIP. Anyways, thanks. I much needed to get this off my chest.
Also, hey! Just wanted to say thanks for the friendly and welcoming interactions in this space. It feels so much safer and more comforting than previous internet experiences I've had. Since 2013, the fandom has evolved a lot. In my opinion, it has evolved for the better. The resurgence of new fans bring such refreshing perspectives and fields of knowledge that haven't been influenced by some of the harmful internet culture that I grew up in. So truly, many thanks to y'all for making the fandom space a nicer place (especially for such a heavy game). Also, what the heck, everyone in the fandom is seriously so talented and artistic
Uh… fan art time? (old stuff/sketches I haven’t posted)
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But seriously if you got this far, thank you
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trashworldblog · 2 years ago
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i think the "nice doing business with you" line from the s5 finale is definitely going to have significance to season 6. there are too many examples of innocuous lines that end up being foreshadowing to overlook it. it's also a general rule of genies that they can't bring things back from the dead, so i think that's going to end up playing into whatever the "deal" with ryan was. the genie could've said it was against the rules to bring prof back, so ryan made another deal to get him back (1/2)
[i think there's also going to be a conflict with time travel in season 6. it's such an integral part of the show, and ryan definitely screwed the timeline by bringing prof and his family back. if we hadn't seen the article with the photo of the prof and his parents' fossils, then i would be a little less convinced of this, but because its explicitly shown onscreen, its very likely that something will go wrong with the timeline (2/2)
oh i also think that the substitute survived defenestration, but i think he's going to be a minor antagonist next season. just a nuisance, if you will. like yeah he's still a problem, but there are much bigger fish to fry than a 1'2" puppet hologram with an obsession with murder (3/3)]
...
sorry for taking so long!! this has been sitting in my drafts and ive been slowly pulling my thoughts together on this so its taken me some time!! (plus ive been chillin with the holidays and such) i appreciate this ask so much!
!disclaimer! i may accidentally pull from shane's commentary on the season finale on pateron. im doing my best not to because i know some people dont have access to patreon content. (plus its fun to make it more challenging) all puppet history lore is like marbles in my brain and its hard to separate what ideas came from where. im doin my best tho!
ok lets jump into it!
i am So. Curious. on how ryan and the genies whole deal is gonna shake out. was that it? will there be consequences? i have a feeling we'll be seeing some kind of fallout from this wish. it feels like they cut their conversation very short for a very specific reason. theres gotta be something going on there.
I think that ryan didnt *technically* wish the professor back to life, he just wished the professor back to the present. i also like the idea used in @ask-the-substitute that ryan used his 3 wishes to bring the professor back and thats how the profs mom and dad got to the present. its so perfect, i love it. just the idea of ryan thinking the first wish didnt work so then he tried again, and again. incredible.
i am curious if there is gonna be any time travel conflict! im not sure what that would look like (my brain kinda melts when it comes to timey wimey bullshit). honestly this is the part im the most unsure of. like theyre probably is consequences, but i dont even know where to start for what that would look like. i still like to think that the article showing the professor's family's bones just faded away like how people in photos did in back to the future.
the substitute ABSOLUTELY survived the defenestration!! watcher hq is one story and im slightly convinced the substitute cant die (unless we go by hot daga hologram logic, in that case you would need a witch and a volcano to kill most holograms [and i dont have a volcano handy])
i hope the substitute turns into either
1) a minor villan thats more annoying/funny then anything.
2) character redemption arc. we really like this funky guy and it would be cool to see him chill out with the stabby stabby. (just a little, he can stabby stabby as a treat)
now it would be REALLY FUNNY if the substitute did ad reads for future seasons Especially for nord vpn and other online security stuff.
i think the bigger fish to fry is gonna be those puppets trapped in the wonderium arena!! we gotta get them outta there and back into their earthly bodies!! how is that gonna happen??? god is asleep, the devil isnt gonna help, and neither is the genie. how the hell do you even get to a purgatory like that? dorthy ruth has moved on even though her husband isnt really dead!!!
what im really curious about for next season is
1) who is gonna be the musical guest. if the professor cant time travel, where is he gonna get his musical talents? will he reuse the substitutes tech to make guests?
2) any new stuff to go with our new professor??
3) are dino mom and dad gonna be involved? casually mentioned? i really hope a guest asks if the professor has a family just so that he can excitedly say "yes!! i do :D"
those are most of my thoughts going into s6! pretty excited to see what next season is going to look like! not sure if its gonna be lore heavy. ill be keeping an eye peeled for any hints 👀 either way, im excited to learn :)
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modkatisbacc · 4 months ago
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ModKat Re-reacts to Ninjago: Episode 9
Now you may be wondering "Where are the other episodes?" Well my friends, they were on my old account by the same name. "Why did you delete your old account?" Because *Gestures at all the other weird things I do* its kinda what I do best. i started doing episode 9 before I deleted the Blog but a lot of things have HAPPENED in the show since then.
WARNING: There WILL be spoilers for up to Ninjago: Dragons Rising S2 P1.
Also, sorry for the picture quality, it was actually better on my phone but now im using my laptop.
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What were they going to do if he Didn't Survive all this because he had plot armor? Did THEY know he had plot armor? I mean they know he's the Grandson of the FSM, so maybe they did. But then again I take my Ninjago Canon into account and I SHOULDNT-
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Lloyd has been through so much,,, look at u go u funky little guy.
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Still crying that Clutch was name dropped like... like he was never even supposed to be in the series. I still haven't watched his movie... one day..
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I wonder how much Lou knows about Elemental Masters. In like... all of my AUs, Lilly always dragged him along and he experienced things first hand. But,,, what does he know in CANON?
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And, as of the Merge, people just Live Here.
Garmadon,,, Voice,, Handsome.
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Use. The Bell. Son. I dont know why but that is the funniest delivery ever, and its also funny when a parent and child duo are voiced by the same person, thank you, Kirby.
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And WHO decided that one of the fangs of the devourer would be used as a TROPHY? What if someone with ill intent found this out Long Before!
Also as someone who has suffered many twisted ankles, what... what are you doing sit down. Your pain tolerance must be crazy, sure, but it aint gonna heal with you jumping around like that- (Edit: 7/26/24: I... I twisted my ankle yesterday, but got lucky it doesnt hurt that baad LMAO Also what do u mean half the episode has been in my drafts for several weeks no it hasn't)
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Dang Scales thinks they're good. I mean three out of the four never learned how to dance or anything and they're much better than me SO.
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(Insert Dragons Rising Questions Here) But also... Where is it? The Administration is *here* right? What happened to this portal when the merge happened? Is that why they're able to send people back to other realms? They found a way to like use that source to teleport to other realms? How Does It Work. Also I know its guarded, but if its daytime the Craglings wouldnt be an issue, so... Its not guarded during the day. Why not.
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He literally only does this to be an annoying brother. Just a little push shove, dramatic entrance. Wu here looks so shocked by the vortex, My man you've seen crazier.
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They got these suits and promptly only used them for an hour tops. Maybe less.
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My headcanon is that this man right Here Knows A lot more than he ever let on here. Like There Is A REASON he was so adamant. Can we at least get a confirmation that the parents are okay. We don't even need to see them just a lil thumbs up.
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*Points* You had a bad word on your paper mister, I remember the Post. The funniest thing I've never noticed.
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And those specific butterflies can stay away since they seem to be nearby when someone is either about to die or be in big trouble.
(At Zane's funeral, landed on the bike in s7, if I remember correctly, The butterfly in Tick Tock)
LETS DO THE WHIP
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Its time For you to do this again in DR Cole.
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Man really was straight up willing to kill Lou for a distraction. Also he ran under there before he potential kicked in, so he can deal with a lot of stuff Falling on him. Interesting to know.
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True Potential Shots pretty... Very Pretty...
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Can I just say that... These four mean so Much,,,, to me... Look how happy they are.
Ninjago Episode 9 Rewatch Done! I should be uploading these at least three times a week? Maybe more if I... Feel Up To It. I love doing these, and I am sorry that the others are lost. but we Are Back! These wont be going anywhere!
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jefferythejelly · 9 months ago
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ok more kidfic: do u have any pregnancy hcs? Especially for Foolish bc I've only rarely seen him as a dad :3
u have no idea what u've just unleashed 90% of the brainrot bulletpoint list i have for this au is pregnancy headcanons asjdfadkjs
this is like 90% just copy pasted from that bulletpoint list and slightly edited and also i've had this document since may of last year and have been slowly adding on to it every once in a while since then so FAIR WARNING this post is Quite Long
they try decorating the nursery themselves but neither of them know what to get or how to make it cute so then foolish calls up tina who eventually just makes them call up an interior designer XD
can you imagine them telling their friends abt it. can u imagine how cute auntie tina would be. she would be taking it so serious like she doesnt want any of the responsibility but she wants to be like the cool aunt y'know
random tidbit but i can so imagine a conversation between tina and foosh where they start talkin about the phrase "buns in the oven." like i think tina would think that phrase is really cute. i think that phrase is really cute tbh. hes got buns in the oven :>
following in the vein of nervous-but-excited-newly-pregnant-couple them going to foolish's prenatal care appointments and taking his health like super seriously. also ultrasounds. i dont think either of them would Cry cry but theyd maybe get a little teary eyed lookin at their kids for the first time
on some more classic omegaverse bullshit: punz had always been a bit possessive/protective as a partner and that very much continues once theyre mates and foolish is pregnant. like really frequently is holding his hand or has an arm around him, tries to be really doting and get him whatever he asks. not as common when theyre in public but one of his fave things to do is hug foolish from behind with his hands on his stomach
i'd imagine they have a few arguments esp when foolish is hormonal and does/says shit that annoys punz and he cant understand why. they work it out tho, bc they love each other <3
in the time leading up to foolish's due date his nesting instincts go crazy. theres nests everywhere in the whole house. when hes not sitting chilling in a nest hes making a new one or readjusting one
(this one is real long bc it is a vaguely drafted out scene oops) foolish's water breaks on stream/at least when he's in vc on someone else's stream bc like. i deffo think it would. u think this man would take a break? like the streams would get shorter especially as his hormones and instincts get more fucky but he would still be trying to be on that grindTM. and (bcuz this is the part i actually vaguely researched) he's been having like the irregular not actually real contractions (theres a name im forgetting it rn) so hes gotten used to just like feeling them, noting when the time is, and brushing it off when it doesnt happen again. so he's in vc with someone, i'm thinking tina lets just say tina, and he's in the middle of laughing really hard at a joke, but abruptly cuts off his windexing when he feels the whole "rush of fluid" thing and is all like o_o and tina's all like "foolish? you okay?" when he stops laughing like that and foolish is like "uh. i think my water just broke?" which makes tina go all "wait What?! like- like the baby's coming?" "yeah" "foolish!" (chat is freaking out. monkaS monkaW fukW) "shouldnt you like, go to the hospital?" "yeah, uh, bye chat!" (chat has been yelling at him since he said his water broke to end stream) he yells for punz who ofc comes rushing into the room like "whats going on do you need something" and when foolish tells him his water just broke he starts freaking out a little and then foolish has a contraction right then (is that realistic timing tbh its been a while since i did that google search. what i do remember is that theres apparently apps for timing contractions like isnt that neat. anyways) but then theyre like "sorry tina bye!" and then tinas like "good luck!" (is that a normal thing to say idk. even if it isnt it could be funny hashtag awkward girl swag /affectionate) and then they like drive to the hospital and stuff
i just have this image of like the night they come back from the hospital both of them in their nest with the babies laying between them oughhhhhh
listen i just think this is really cute but punz sitting on the edge of the hospital bed while foolish is in labor so he can lean into him and calm down with his scent
actually thought abt it a bit more and mayb this is more general omegaverse hcs but like i think omegas would have an instinct to give birth in a nest which obv is harder to do while also having the support of modern medicine in a hospital but maybe it is more normalized to bring some blankets/pillows/clothes/what have you to make a lil temporary nest in the hospital bed
foolish is way more absentminded/no thoughts head empty than usual (like forgets what hes saying in the middle of a sentence bad) bc of fucked up hormones pregnancy brain
he tries having one or two blankets wrapped around him on stream to be sort of like a temporary nest when his instincts start going wacky. sometimes it works sometimes he accidentally gets too sleepy and begrudgingly admits that he should probably end stream bc he can barely think thru the omega nesting instinct brain fog
actually on that note i think there a couple of times where punz basically forces him to take a break from streaming. it never lasts very long
i have decided that the timing of their baby is such that foolish is like 7/8 months when christmas rolls around bc i was at family christmas brainrotting what it would be like for them to have like cute domestic family christmas while foolish is still pregnant. he falls asleep on the couch leaning against punz's shoulder after dinner its very cute
they maybe do a thing where like they have christmas with one family on eve and one on day and have a slightly chaotic nighttime flight? do the flight times work out for that idk. but its bc their families wanna see them bc theyre all excited for the baby awwww
wait just remembered the whole scene i had imagined for this where they land in mass super late at night/early morning and once they get back to punz's parents house p much immediately go to bed but foolish cant sleep bc the babies keep moving and kicking and punz scootches down so hes all curled up next to his tummy and purrs at them so that they calm down and foolish can sleep
at the end of his pregnancy foolish is just like capital d Done like get these babies out my back hurts im tired my belly is fuckin huge. ive got tits now
punz very happily gives him back massages tho <3 even if he sometimes gets overdramatically whiny about it first
foolish is one day horrified to realize none of his usual foods are appealing and he is instead craving some weird ass food combo
when foolish starts showing more and its gonna be harder to hide on stream they do a cute lil classic pregnancy announcement photo where punz like has his hands around him on his belly (maybe taken by karl? or someone? i just realized i have no idea where i hc them living like i guess its always been vaguely nc but idk if thats like. necessary? idk whatever) but im imagining the one they end up posting isnt even one of the ones they were posing for its like a candid one where theyre looking at each other over foolishs shoulder or like laughing or something idk its cute its not staged and weird lookin
oh also at some point punz convinces foolish to do a maternity photoshoot (well kind of. its just punz taking pics of him in his underwear bc he maybe has a Thing for heavily pregnant foolish) and at first foolish feels kinda embarrassed and silly and punz keeps complimenting him and making him flustered (i have a couple of lil doodles of this + a few other ones related to this au in a sketchbook somewhere but i dont feel like digging them out + taking pics rn ajfsbajskb)
final note would like everyone to know as i was typing this foolish lost his water bucket in mc and he phrased it like "my water just broke" and chat was all like "wow congratulations whos the father." like what are the chances. also why is he like this. also can u really blame me for making this au when he is like this
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heartsfromm4e · 2 years ago
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Enid sinclair x GN!Reader
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summary: after y/ns bad and long day, enid decides to comfort them with a night of movies and cuddling.
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warnings: swearing, kissing, blah. blah blah
a/n: tbh i forgot about this, i put in my drafts for like 2 weeks 💀💀
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strike one.
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You were heading to class, as usual. you hadent dont anything different than usual, except for the fact you had got your nails done. it was your first time so you felt kind of weird, but you enjoyed it! you decided you were going to do it more often since you had a nail biting problem. you really do like them, you dident think anyone could make you feel otherwise. except for biana. you were at your locker which was beside hers. you opened it to quickly grab your copy of little women before bianca appeared beside you.
“so, get your nails done?” bianca raised her eyebrow and smirked a little.
“I did! Its my first time, i really like them.” You grinned in reply.
bianca scoffed. “i bet you do!” you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion as she walked away to her friends, pointing at you and laughing. You sighed and just closed your locker shut. You were extremely upset.
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strike two.
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After the incident at the locker, on your way to your next class, xavier noticed you and walked up to you.
“hey Y/N.” Xavier smiled. You smiled back at him of course.
“hey xav.” You replied.
“Something wrong?” He asked. But, as soon as those words came out, you tripped over some dumbass pencil that was in the middle of the hallway. And in the process you managed to get a nosebleed from smacking your nose so hard down on the ground.
“Y/N!” Xavier shouted as you fell.
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strike three.
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You were sitting in the nurses office with xavier.
“You think youre good now?” He asked you, patting your back.
“I guess.” You shrugged. You already were in a bad mood, and of course you dident see that stupid pencil.
“You do have to admit, it was a little funny.” Xavier snickered. Suddenly a wave of emotion overcame you. Normally youd laugh too but youd just had enough already. You grabbed your bag and stormed out.
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You opened the door to your shared dorm with enid, and slammed it shut. Enid jumped from the sudden noise as you threw your bag on your bed.
“Hey Y/N, whats wrong??” she immediately closed the magazine she had been reading and walked over to you.
“Nothing, dammit!” You shouted in reply and turned around. Your eyes were already red and puffy and your nose and cheeks were pink as well. She frowned and pulled you into a hug. You stood there in her grasp and just cried. You had no idea why you were so upset but you just kept crying.
“Bianca made fun of my nails. Tripped and got a nose bleed. Xavier laughed.” You explained in three short sentences.
“Oh honey.” Enid pulled away and cupped your cheeks.
“Go change and ill put on a movie.” You nodded and did as she said, getting pajamas from your closet and putting them on. And kicking off your shoes. After a bit you crawled onto Enids bed and covered yourself with a throw blanket of hers. She had some snacks and a movie already playing.
“Come here sweetie” Enid pulled you closer to her and kissed your forehead.
“Thank you for telling me what happened, Im really sorry. I love you.”
“I love you too,” you replied.
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youredreamingofroo · 9 months ago
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Ya'll... I think I might start a new story, I have a... basic concept of what I want it to be like, and I already have a name (under the impression that I don't suddenly do a 180), I just need to do like... all the writing and make the characters LMFAO It's gonna be a little on the dreary side and dark (which is the kind of writing/genre i aspire to write about, also means I'm gonna have to redo my personal reshade that ive been cooking for like... 3 or 4 months... 😭)-
in the meantime, I might start working on gussying up my navi post (and by gussy up, i mean completely redo) because as nice as it is, it's, idk, a little outdated (i guess), I have an idea for a new theme except i'm either going to a) put it in the drafts and wait til I start the new story to post it so the info is all there or b) make it and then post it and when i start the new story, edit it and put the tags and stuff in for the story.
ALSO might do a name change cuz... this name came from WAYYY before i joined simblr, and its got a charm to it, but i dont rlly like it anymore,, it just dont sit with me the same way that it used to lmao
*(writing this after i posted cuz i forgot to say this - its under the cut and in regards to NSB with the new story - it also kinda turned into a rant lmfao) TL:DR for ppl who don't wanna read my stupid fucking rant: NSB is prob gonna go on a hiatus regardless of if i start a new story, cuz as much as I love it, it's started to feel like a chore and less of smth i enjoy (even tho, like I said, I rlly enjoy/love it) Sorry to my NSB enjoyers out there.
regarding NSB, yes it will probably go on hiatus when making this story bec writing is already kinda exhausting for me as well as editing and NSB has progressively became more and more story-driven than gameplay-driven, and especially after these three days, im kinda burnt out from NSB, i know i just left it off on a cliffhanger with the new baby, but to be honest, I don't wanna deal with another child, i barely get by dealing with the four, and dealing with toddlers> are so fucking annoying cuz of the Sim AI, which in and of itself is just demotivating, i do REALLY love not so berry, i love the story ive created with it, but i guess im just tired of playing the same generation for so long, not to mention the fact that i made it a rags to riches challenge, i know i didnt have to but i prefer to, and bc of that, i havent been able to properly decorate, and i dont really wanna go back on myself, if i decide to continue NSB, i will probably take the RTR rules away since its so annoying to deal with having like, 1000 simoleans all the damn time. Also, i've been planning what to do for generation 3 since catty gave birth, but i had to put NSB on a hiatus bc of a stupid glitch and was only recently able to start it up again, and I still havent moved onto the next gen. I kinda lost the plot with that rant, but basically, NSB will probably go on hiatus, regardless of the new story, I've been wanting to dwell more on Roo and his whole story and the people in his universe and after a bit, NSB has started to, as much as I love it and the storytelling and whatever, feel like a chore, which kinda hurts to say, but its true. Sorry to any of my not so berry enjoyers out there
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