#(it's an immediate block bc even tho i have the tags blocked i still hate even seeing mention of them in a blocked post

[orcelito]

Yet again hindered by the "this reply is hidden because you have the user blocked" message. It has me Almost wondering whether I'd be better off not blocking so many people. So that I can freely be a nosy bitch.

Almost, but not quite. My block list is for my sanity, after all.

[puzzled-pegasus]

Heroes of Olympus---fitness/body related hcs

***Idk if anyone would even plan on it but Please do not comment or tag this as anything sexual as it is not meant like that in any way whatsoever***

Percy

Everyone lost some weight on the big Argo II voyage due to stress and all the fighting and everything, Percy is no exception. 

In general, though, he is still leaner than Jason and has slightly less upper body/ pectoral strength than he does.

However, he has THE fucking core strength ever

Unless he's been really, really exerting himself he normally has a cushion of belly fat over his abs but if you feel his abs they're wow so strong

Also bunch of shoulder strength, he does lots of climbing

He honestly needs some squish especially in scenes set After Gaea’s defeat. One of the reasons im writing these hcs is that I hate the fanarts that give the demigods six or eight pack abs and 0 body fat like?? Have u ever seen a 16-17 year old boy with chiseled abs. Especially one that eats like mr Jackson. His mother is feeding him good on seven layer dip and cheeseburgers and cookies and blue candy and he drinks blue cherry Coke and eats his fill of barbecue every day at camp you Cannot tell me he has no body fat arrgggh

He probably looked like that while he was in Tartarus though bc he was probably really dehydrated and exhausted lmaoo

V good sense of balance and coordination

Jason

Jason’s got more strength in his arms/shoulders/upper body than anything else

Big arm and chest muscles

Also naturally has belly--when he's not worried abt food--but he tends to stand taller so you can't see it as much

Probably lost the most weight on the voyage. Too busy making sure everyone else was okay and also healing from his various injuries. He also had to be absolutely sure there was enough food for everyone else so he was worried abt taking too much

Generally spends more time exercising and has hardly ever seen a junk food in his life and eats a lot of protein bc hes always lived at camp jupiter so he's very muscle

Piper

Piper didn't really start exercising until she came to camp so she's probably the least physically strong in comparison

More squish than Annabeth. Carries fat in hips and thighs and belly

Thinks/feels like she's fat and low key worries abt it

Was only mildly disappointed when she started demigod training and her belly didn't instantly disappear lol

Kind of jealous of how Annabeth is so thin and athletic but Annabeth wishes she had Pipers thighs/boob/curves loll the curse of being a woman

Piper also feels like she has baby face compared to Annabeth bc she has chubbier cheeks and it annoys her

She's got a pretty good sense of balance tho

Pretty good at running fast but she doesn't have as much stamina as Annabeth

Shes quite flexible also

Pretty good swimmer

Annabeth

Naturally quite thin

been training her whole life so she's got strong arms and legs and core

Really good at running and sprinting

Very agile too

Core strength and upper body strength 

Great at dodging attacks, less good at blocking

Tallest of the girlies

Climber shoulders/back muscles

Wishes she had Piper’s curves kinda. She doesn't care all that much but occasionally is like damn wouldn't that be nice

Frank

Arrgh I hate how in the middle of the series Rick took away all of his fat. Screw you sir. Put it back. Put it bacK

So Frank Immediately gets his tum back in the span of a few weeks

He's also really tired for the next however long after the Mars boy magic adrenaline wears off bc where's his fuel??? Gone!!

Very good at Lifting stuff. He had to carry stuffs for his grandma all the time bc she was old

Mostly strong in the arms and chest/pectorals

His growth spurt happened real quick so he's still not used to how big he is which is why he's all clumsy

Needs to work on balance and coordination lol

Although he got most of his chub back, his Babyface™ didn't come back quite so strong

Hazel

Hazel is the shortest girlie

Was really thin back in the 40s and then gained quite a bit soon after she came back to life. She was very confused and probably horrified

This was bc of a combination of having a growth spurt, pressure on little girls to be thin back then and the times having changed now, having enough to eat now, and changes in the amounts of additives and high fructose corn syrup and shit in foods

She was really distraught for a while bc much like Nico’s internal conflict with The Gay, decades ago being chubby was an unforgivable sin for a little girl

Obv not to Nico’s extent bc I don't think people were killed for being fat but still

It takes her a while to see it as not a bad thing but just a thing

She has pretty evenly distributed muscle strength because when she started exercise at camp jupiter they worked All The Groups

Leo

We love our tiny little shrimp man

He didn't get enough to eat during his growth spurt so he's kind of stunted

Even though he's a hephaestus boy he could not for the life of him build a lot of muscle

He's not that strong

He's probably pretty flexible though

Nico

Also stunted because he didn't eat enough in his growth spurt

Pretty strong though

Smol but he is still growing

Is getting taller and will almost definitely surpass Leo

Also is slowly gaining a healthy amount of weight as he stays at camp and Will makes him eat and sleep more regularly and now he's less tired all the time

Pretty good core strength and balance and agility

Looks more his child age now that his cheeks are more filled in

Reyna

Buff Girl

Girlie works out when shes stressed and now she's got muscles like steel cables

Im talking arms, shoulders, core, legs, glutes

Can arm wrestle Jason and win even if he does try his darnedest

Incredible sprinter

Does so many squats that she got the whole bakery lol

Really likes her muscles

Flexes in the mirror

Jason expressed to her how impressive it was a few times and it was partially why she fell in love with him lol

Will

Will has pretty good arm muscles actually and can lift heavy stuffs

Can lift his bf easily

He has a soft tum tho and padding on his arms

Does yoga and stretching and that works his core

Soft

Eats good proteins and veggies and gets good sleeps

Healthy boi 10/10

[smores100]

Hi! I just wanted to say your tags on the recent I/P conflict were really good, and that it must feel strange as a fandom blogger to see so many horrendous takes floating around a supposedly innocuous blogging platform. Sending you lots of love 😘❤️

Oh sweet anon, if only you knew how much I love you for this….are you jewish by any chance? you don’t have to answer, it's just that anytime someone is nice to me, and/or says something positive about ~controversial~ takes such as mine about the i/p conflict, I immediately suspect they're jewish bc this is something I'm only used to seeing from the (very small and tiny) jewish side of tumblr. 99% of the posts on this site are garbage and so full of hate (and at times antisemitism) it makes my head spin, they're clearly not written by jews, so. how sad is that, huh? immediately assuming nice and not hateful = jewish bc this is the new reality for jews now? 😔 I digress tho, not the point!

Back to the point, thank you so much for sending me this. 'strange' doesn't even begin to describe it tho, most times I'm either depressed or just sad. this used to be my happy place, my escapism (even more so now with my deteriorating health), I loved being in fandoms, I loved reading people's meta and funny tags, I loved looking at pretty gifs, I loved the community….it was so much fun! now it's just….hate everywhere. no matter how much I try to avoid it I still see some of it and it's just not fun anymore. people here are so desperate to prove they're the best social justice warriors that ever were bc being a liberal progressive leftist is the trendy thing rn and everyone wants to pat themselves on the back for their awesome activism in clicking 'reblog' and tagging 'fuck isr*el' (well done! thanks to you world peace is just around the corner! 🕊️), and it's all just one big echo chamber of truly horrendous takes as you say, which is something I never expected to see on this site I used to love so much. at this point I've had so many people unfollow and block me that I'm pretty much just following myself on my dash lol. sad.

So thank you very much for your kind words at this time and your support, sending you lots of love right back!!! ❤️😘

and now here it is, your moment of zen (aka tumblr personified) --

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Noa Tishby (@noatishby)

[7m7n7]

hey @p-ssypink you not only messed up the order of the screenshots but do you not fucking know what a READ MORE is? and why are you tagging @levi-ackerman-ds? i already @'d everyone i replied. it sounds like you're trying to create drama bc you're bored which you clearly do - oh wait, is this you admitting that AGAIN in the replies? shocking!

and also: what is this holier than thou nonsense to supposedly make your friends "see" my post? don't fucking act like it isnt easy as fuck going around the block. as if this back and forth is any fucking different and oh youre uwu not engaging through block 🥱 hilariously pathetic.

anyway here's my answer to p-ssypink on my own post:

oh and im not about to go through the trouble of separating the screenshots in the og, you can be a big boy and go check them yourself instead of acting like you're above it.

and the link: https://www.tumblr.com/7m7n7/754396118716153856/first-off-yup-it-seems-i-posted-the-wrong-link

anyways. @cosmicjoke

What happened bestie? When i post about eruri fandoms toxicity, you're all silent and "have no time for this uwu aha" ?? You certainly had enough time to create drama out of nothing and put it in tags unprompted tho, and you did A LOT OF TIME to talk endlessly about me FOR DAYS??? But all of a sudden, your pathetic little bitch mouth is all closed! How shocking, truly!

Also, learn to fucking read, you doofus. I never said YOU sent me hate. I said, one of your fucking eruri anons (who normally harass YOU, by the way) got a sock acc to come at me, while pretending to be Levihan/Rivetras. They specifically followed people who have beef with them to implicate them. Well, maybe someone as stupid as YOU would believe it's real tho LOL.

"I got pissed, and when I get pissed, I descend into crude and aggressive language, I admit." So You can get pissed and talk crudely, but others can't, oh no! Acting like YOU have the right to get pissed just bc of one drama, but no one else can get defensive, when we get hate CONTINUOUSLY, see negativity eruris create towards levi ALL THE TIME? Which you don't even give a fuck about, clearly, unless levi's pwecious morality is in danger? oh no, your comfort and feelings are the only ones that matter Mr High and Mighty 🥺 You also don't have the same vitriolic response to eruris you yourself posted that harassed you for months. How interesting! "i only was a dick bc of the obvious implication of their comment" and what about the obvious implication of YOUR comments? Your HC alone (which you push as canon) is deeply offensive and %10000 enables people who try to degrade him. But anyway, I already said all that in the screenshots soooo. 🥱

If you see him as masculine, then why are you reacting like this to what i said? I never said he's toxic or emotionless, quite the opposite. you specifically tried to paint top levi fans as bad guys. The fact is, you're hypersensitive towards a fanon that doesn't exist. I'm sensitive towards fanon that not only does exist, it is very much touted by very toxic people who mock, deride and harass others and use it as a degradation tool towards my favorite character. And both of you equate eruris emasculating levi with people who correctly see him as masculine. That already speaks for your bias. When you got a convenient opportunity, you immediately attacked us and you didn't defend what I said about you hating top levi either. Mr High and Mighty doesn't like lying, eh? Lmao. Anyway. But again, it shouldn't matter what your preference is. even if you're someone who likes him as a fixed bottom, the way eruris treat levi SHOULD bother you. I literally had this experience in other fandoms by the way, i had the same pref w majority (same fixed bottom, same ship) and still went against my own "side" bc they did this exact same thing towards that one character they were insecure about. So again, where's this energy towards disgusting eruri fanon? Correct me if I'm wrong of course, I'm not a dedicated follower of yours no matter how much you think the world revolves around you. I just never saw you attack people about how much they wanna "slap levi around" like you immediately said how i must be "slapped around" by levi. Again, creepy as fuck thing to say about a stranger unprompted.

i answered the part about toxic masculinity in the screenshots, so ehhhhhh. you should already know better that wasn't what i was saying at all. you cooooonstantly make up an argument and fight with yourself, so nothing's new there.

Just to show the problem with how you fucking talk, I'm gonna bite this: "Levi's core characteristic, the thing that makes him Levi, is his empathy." Read this sentence again. Core characteristic? Really? Who decides that? He's empathetic, that's one thing. But the "thing that makes him levi" is just your interpretation. Personally, I can't pin down any one quality, bc uhhhhhhh its just fucking stupid LMFAO. there's no one quality that can "make" a character unless it's a very shallow, boring, one-note character.

You...literally said you don't push your hc as canon then continued to do so, lol. Starting to love the lacking of self-awareness over there! anyways. sexual aggression =/= violence against women. this is just literally a sex negative/anti-kink rhetoric and i wouldn't be so proud of that if i were you. second of all, levi saw "what happened to his mom" yet sees sex work as "regular work" canonically. your rhetoric of this hyperemotional traumatized levi is SO unsupported it's actually fucking hilarious.

also, this is how levi reacted to armin getting molested:

....lol. very hypersensitive and hyperempathetic indeed. disclaimer bc i KNOW you're gonna puke blood over that one and ignore what i said anyway - yes, he's good and heroic, but not the uwu hypersensitive bby uwu boring insecure mfs want him to be. some things also can be chalked up to isayama's infamous flipfloppings (though not in the way you'd like anyway) but i don't wanna digress bc from little i saw you talk about the ending in particular, you're patently incapable of engaging with any media critically, you just gulp down what you're served without asking and think the most surface level bullshit is deep. what i wanted to show is, there's a range to be expored and your *HCs* aren't the fucking law :))))))

babe...do you REALLY think anyone has a problem w you saying that? 😭🤚🏻 wow suuuure bro bitches hATE it when a man uhhhhh (checks notes) is a caring lover 💀 you KNOW that's not something anyone is gonna have an issue with. also, answer this first, do you want him to be a "gentle caring lover" to women (since you're soooo worried about all that "violence against women") or do you want him to get fucked violently by a bunch of ugly dudes while hes all "sensitive" woobie towards them? bc somethings telling me its the second one 🤔

lmfao, you blabbered all that shit like the mindless little loser you are, pretending not to understand what i was trying to say. it's GENUINELY so incredible to how a person as fucking mind-numblingly stupid as you have the fucking NERVE to speak in this clownish, obstinate manner as if you're writing the fucking law. you seriously need to shut the fuck up and log the fuck off until you see your idiotic ass drunk on fakeass moral superiority as what it really is.

and moving on to @p-ssypink moron's nonsense:

????? i get that you have no life and nothing going on and wanna feel "included" by trying to exacerbate a random discourse, but LMFAOOOOOO am i being criticized for NOT STALKING YOU HERE???? 😭🤚🏻 just incredible. Sorry, i can't churn out 239482394832 words about some rando daily like you mfs do and i dont have neither time nor interest in checking out your blogs further, and just checking /your/ blog wouldn't really disprove anything i said either bc it can easily be someone's nonfandom main. sorry that you didn't get any attention since middle ages :-(

oh this made me fucking laugh tho:

how the fuck can you possibly type something so outrageously performative and think you're proving anything? literally a goldfish would have more social (and otherwise) intelligence than you 😭

Aaaaaaaanyway, youre a bunch of fucking imbeciles giving each other little pats in the back for spewing out garbage, one of you is trying to create drama bc she's attention-starved, and the other is crying over that precious moral high-ground. you can go back to making me the frontpage of your entire week again bc you clearly have nothing else interesting going on 😙

@cosmicjoke @jayteacups @levi-ackerman-ds figure since y'all was all part of this 7m7n7 mess and prolly blocked this nigga id share what's going on

[tsumucore]

Playing ACNH hcs ♡‧₊˚

here’s some hcs of Atsumu, Kuroo, Suna, and Akaashi playing animal crossing bc it’s been on my mind :3

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ

Atsumu

Gave into the hype just so he could say yeah I game 🙄😴 (he only has a switch bc the rest of inarizaki play smash)

Named his island “island”

He literally chose the most inconvenient layout when he started. His resident services is right smack in front of his airport so there’s like barely a sliver of walking space AND it’s slightly to the left so it ain’t even centered 💔

When the rest of inarizaki comes over to visit, he ends up getting slaughtered for his lack of “appealing scenery” and influx of weeds 😭 Osamu, Suna, and Aran are leading the revolution

Do NOT invite this mf over to your island he will trample all over your flowers, INCLUDING the hybrids. Isn’t even aware of the damage he’s caused until you’re chasing him with an axe and gifting him trash every day for the next two weeks

Gets on his knees and begs you for spare 30 iron nuggets 🤲🏼🥺

Listen he knows all villagers are created equal✨ and whatnot but he still screams every time he sees an ugly villager arrive at his campsite. He saw Limberg once, said No ❤️ and immediately closed out of the game

Whenever a villager he hates moves in, he spends a half hour straight hitting them with his net bc he thinks thats gonna get them to move out lmfao

Tries out all the tricks for getting a good island when he’s going villager hunting like clapping for Orville, showing up in dodo merch, etc

“Uhhh, you know it’s completely randomized right..? None of them actually work.” “Shut yer trap 🥰″

Man... he really sets his villagers’ nicknames for him as “daddy”

“What if you let me clap your cheeks in front of tom nook” “Upgrade your resident services first then we’ll talk, musty ❤️″

Kuroo

Denies, denies, denies that he plays the game he’s always like “nah, that’s for kids”

But literally everyone gets the notification that he’s playing all the time bc he doesn’t realize his online status is visible to everyone LMFAO

When you expose him, he just claims that Kenma forced him to try it out like ok Mr. 220+ hours 🙄

Horror themed island!!! He gets real creative with it - everything’s strategically placed and he’s got all sorts of rare and hacked items to work with, courtesy of Kenma’s activities on the black market. He has a lot of references to Japanese folklore sprinkled throughout his island

Naturally, Lucky’s his favorite villager; also has a soft spot for Kiki

NAH DON’T INVITE HIM TO YOUR ISLAND .. its so sad he’ll be looking around like “aww, it’s cute” JDSKHKDSHJ the humiliation

But he actually loves spending time on yours bc its such a change from his usual Eeerie one

Loves doing tarantula/scorpion islands - he’s got the patience n willpower to travel to a random island and turn it into a goldmine for scorpions

U guys will help each other out by tag teaming a gigas giant clam together and it turns into one big screaming match lmao

“It’s right by you!” “Ok, on the count of 3, I’ll lead it that way to corner it and you swoop in for the catch”

Yaku once commented on how his museum’s kinda empty and he let it get to him. He’s obsessed with digging up every fossil and catching every minuscule bug to make sure his collection’s complete like bro!!! It’s fine!!! Your island’s still better than mine!!!

Suna

Mf was able to snag the animal crossing edition of the switch before they all sold out

I feel like his island would be one of those cyberpunk tokyoesque ones. You: yeah my boyfriend’s a professional landscaper 🥰

The secret: he gets zooted when he’s terraforming at 3am

Really comes over to collect his diy from Celeste, laughs at your island, and dips

ALWAYS dripped out. U will NOT catch him slipping

Never has his net in his hand when he shakes trees bc he wants to be Daring

Blocked Atsumu for stealing his flowers when he wasn’t looking

The type to mass buy nook mile tickets on ebay and go on villager hunting sprees for his dreamies. You’ve often witnessed him on the brink of madness at 4am as he comes across Hippeux for the 11th time

Joins discord servers and participates in cataloging parties. He’s got the best items and color combos for everything. Also an avid user of nookazon

You: just a smidget of bells plth 🥺🥺🤲🏼🤲🏼

He pays off your debts for you 💅🏼

Makes you continuously press A to collect shooting stars for him when he goes to the bathroom. 

You: I’m tired I don’t wanna do this anymore

Him: That’s nice ❤️

He lets you take some star fragments in the morning tho for compensation

Hates talking to his villagers tbh bc its the same dialogue over and over again so he only interacts with them when he wants to give them fits

Gifts raymond the maid dress

He likes to lay on you and nuzzle into you as best he can when you’re both playing. You’ll both just lay there in a comfortable silence, doing your own thing n it’s honestly so therapeutic

Akaashi

He’s got a european town inspired theme going on - the color palette throughout his island is immaculate

It’s infuriating how perfect his island is when he isn’t even a time traveler. It took you months WITH time traveling to achieve an island that you’re somewhat satisfied with and he’s sitting there like yeah I hit 5 stars after three weeks❤️

You: ok jobless❤️

His museum’s fire; every time he collects a species for the first time, he immediately takes it to blathers. His fossil collection is also like 99% complete. The only thing that bothers him is how dry his art gallery is, so you always have to text him when redd’s on your island

Really vibes with Wolfgang

Managed to actually get all his rocks in a circle to make a rock garden??

You: HOW

Him: I don’t kiss and tell

Stargazing dates!!!! He always lets you know when there’s a meteor shower on his island and has the cutest lil stargazing area just for you two to hang out at

Usually plays the game muted so when he’s fishing he actually watches for the bob??? instead of turning that shit up on full blast and listening for the blubblub???

He’s shameless abt how much he wants Raymond and has spent a ridiculous amount of tickets looking for him. “He’s a cat with glasses and different colored eyes!!!!!”

When you got Raymond to move in to your island, he kept trying to convince you to gift him to him. This sweet talking mf kept trying to shower you with kisses and cuddles to get you to say yes.

“I’m not putting him in boxes.” “Go off 🧚‍♂️😍🤩 that cliff over there 🧚‍♂️🧚‍♂️💕”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ

masterlist ｡･:*:･ﾟrules

[piningeddiediaz]

I personally think Pynch anniversary is November 2nd because 1st is ronans bday and idk they kissed and all and probably talked through the night and i think it makes sense that the anniversary would be November 2 but thats just me. They’re basically together now for 1 yr and idk 1-2 months. Since they got together 1 yr before adam left and now it’s November/December again.

I have a question btw. Why do you think so many people seem to dislike Adam and/or Declan? I mostly am following pynch / Adam blogs but i see a lot of negativity too and idgi.

I personally like gansey and blue for example even tho they’re not perfect but actually no character is, not even adam even tho i love him dearly. But so much of the stoey happens bc of adam and idk…

Also I hate kavinsky apologists or people who say ronan had a crush on him wtf 😳 like. No. Kavinsky was disgusting and yeah maybe lost too but an asshole nonetheless. Ronan was already riding his crush on adam wave and he def wasnt interested in kavinsky except for the racing and dreaming convos ?! Sorry brain dump

yeah, I suppose that makes sense. depends on when you define their anniversary ig? is it an anniversary when you first kiss? when you admit feelings? when you officially declare you are together? I sure as fuck wouldn't know!

and oh boy, I have thought about why people hate Adam a lot and I think Adam perfectly described why in trb - "rags to riches isn't a story anyone wants to hear until after its done." I can't speak for everyone, but it wasn't until end of trb/start of dream thieves that I started to like Adam. I liked gansey immediately, but barely skimmed over adam's chapters until we got to his "what do you want, Adam? to feel awake when my eyes are open" because suddenly I could understand with vivid clarity why I was so eager to not pay attention to Adam - it's because he is real. gansey, at least at the start, was not. he was from the get go established to be the typical male lead. handsome, popular, rich. he's privileged but tries to be humble (even when he fails at it), he tries to be a good friend (even tho sometimes he fails at it). gansey was presented to be the kind of protagonist we are all familiar with. we've seen him in nearly every piece of literature. but Adam? Adam is real. Adam is like the average person. he doesnt get to hope for a future, he has to make one. he understands this fact, perhaps more and way earlier than any other person might, and he wont let anything stand in the way. in trb it made him appear to be cruel, because when people read books about friendship they want it to be all or nothing. you would give up your life for your friend. you would give up everything for them. and so the audience, who are already naturally inclined to immediately go towards gansey, are frustrated at Adam because he's your friend! he just wants to help you! it's not until adam's arc ends that people really understand where Adam comes from, why adam does this. you cant give something to someone who has always had nothing and expect them to not think it doesnt come with strings attached. in the real world, it always does. and I think that is why adam's character arc hits all the more. I thought he was an interesting character from the start, but it wasn't until dream thieves, it wasn't until Adam had really really started his character development, that I finally understood. to me, personally, thinking too hard on adam's character was uncomfortable because then I would have to face the reality of life. liking gansey was safer, because he is the prince. the hero. the one you know is going to make it out in the end. the one you're supposed to like. but then Adam, who was supposed to be the side character in gansey's story, makes his own. he becomes the protagonist, takes charge of the story and the narrative - he doesnt just get the title of protagonist, he specifically makes it for himself. and honestly, I dont think adam's absolutely amazing spectacular character development hits as well if you didnt dislike him at the start because, Maggie makes sure you inevitably have an 'oh' moment where you realise that its been about adam parrish all along. its one of the main reasons why I will undoubtedly say Maggie Stiefvater is my favourite author - she is so good at manipulating her readers!

the same goes for declan, I think. we're not supposed to like him, because aside from that one pov he has, we only see him from the perspective of people who don't like him. I personally liked Declan right from the start, but I am in the minority because I know what its like to have to parent your shithead brother because your parents wont. but we were intended to not like declan until we finally saw his story from his pov in the dreamer trilogy. again, expert storytelling by mstief.

(tho if you still dont like declan and adam idk what to tell y'all. maybe reread the book with critical thinking skills?)

and yeah, I have to agree with you there. I have a lot of problems with a lot of things gansey and blue - especially gansey - do (more or less all of dream thieves??? I dont think I will ever forgive gansey for the car convo) but I cant say that makes me hate them exactly, because they are very complex characters.

and yeah dont even get me started on kavinsky. tbh I have his tag blocked and dont ever interact with any k posts. he was gross and disgusting and im glad he died.

[islandofthemyscira]

BEFORE FOLLOWING

You really don’t have to read all of this if you don’t want to, I only made it because I wouldn’t want you to follow someone who posts things that you don’t like. (And I wouldn’t really want someone following me who likes the stuff that I dislike ofc lol). With that being said I do tag everything, so you can blacklist stuff if you need to! :) But anyway these are just a few things you should consider before following me.

Do NOT follow if you are:

racist

misogynistic

anti lgbt

anti-semitic

islamophobic

anti-feminist

terf

white feminist

Important stuff:

If you ship Bucky/Shuri do not follow me!! If you do you’ll immediately be blocked!

If i follow you/you follow me and i notice that you post hate related to my favorite characters I’ll block you. And i’m not talking about rightful cristicism regarding their actions, i’m talking about unnecessary hate saying stuff like you want them to die, etc.

If you say some disgusting shit about Seb (anthing about his appearance related to a role, how much you’d like to f*ck him or anything like that) i’ll probably block/soft-block or at least unfollow you.

If you think that Seb shouldn’t be called out for the shitty stuff he says i’ll unfollow you.

If you say things like ‘he’s a p*do/sexist pig’ or ‘he should kill himself/he should die’ or send him actual death threats you’ll blocked and reported. I know that you wouldn’t actually kill him lol but that’s a fucked up thing to say and you should see a therapist.

If you ship incest/pedophilia/abuse you’ll be blocked/soft-blocked.

I’m bisexual so if you post/reblog biphobia or even just imply that you are biphobic you’ll be blocked.

I try my best to tag everything that might be triggering but if you need me to tag anything please shoot me a message!

Things I like that you might not:

Sebastian. I’m not gonna stop reblogging him because I still love and support him despite of the occasional fuck ups. He’s only human after all not some perfect angel who can do no wrong, so if he says or does something offensive again i’ll call him out and not just ignore it. Hopefully he learns from these mistakes and will try to do better. But if you want to unfollow me bc of it I absolutely understand. (You can also just blacklist his name though but, again, it’s completely up to you.)

I occasionally reblog Supernatural and HIMYM bc i got into them as a teenager and i’m way too attached at this point so you might wanna blacklist them

Stucky: I still haven’t figured out if i ship them romantically (sometimes i do, sometimes i don’t - most of the time i do tho let’s be real) but i do love them a lot. If they made them canon i’d 100% support it

Steve/Team Cap

MCU/Comics Natasha

BuckyNat: I ship comic BuckyNat romantically, i don’t ship mcu buckynat i only like their dynamics but yeah i do reblog them

DC/Batman v Superman

Gal Gadot

I reblog stuff related to veganism tagged as #vegan tag

Sometimes i tell my opinon on things tagged as #personal

Things I don’t like:

First of all please keep in mind that i never post hate! But even if i occasionally reblog stuff related to the characters/ships that i dislike i always tag it. But honestly it almost never happens bc i try to keep my blog a positive place.

Joss Whedon. But then again who doesn’t hate him lol.

MCU Tony Stark. I dislike him a lot. But i never post anything about him mostly bc i don’t want to see him on my blog at all and i know that so many ppl like him and i wouldn’t want to upset any of my followers even if i disagree with them.

Stony, Brucetasha, Wanda/Vision

MCU Clint. I don’t hate him i just don’t like what they did to the character plus I don’t like Renner.

The majority of the Seb fandom. Obviously not every single one of them because there are very sweet and supportive fans but unfortunately most of the fans are really fake and say nasty things about him and yeah sometimes i get angry and call them out.

Snape. He’s the only one that i do reblog about quite frequently. I do apologize but i hate him so much that sometimes i just have to state my opinion on him kjdhfjsd i do tag these posts as #anti snape

Snape/Lily

Ross from friends. Yeah i really hate him lol

I don’t like Ted from himym either.

[peaceasshcle]

here, lemme just-- get all of my thoughts out there. WARNING: THERE’S A LOT.

the flashback in the beginning was nice. i know it was meant to be kinda sad and whatnot bc of their dad getting cancer but lemme just say that javi’s “hey, i was reading that!” and david’s “oh my gooood!!” was cute. also, i couldn’t stop focusing on how #tragic david’s outfit was, but that’s why i love his outfits bc they are tragic, so...... anyway, moving on. i was SO FUCKING RELIEVED TO SEE KATE AGAIN!!! her beautiful face wasn’t messed up at all and i was so glad!!! she just straight up hugged javi and completely ignored david and it’s like, you’re not even gonna ask david if he’s okay? really? bc my kate would’ve. but i digress-- i was glad when gabe finally started coming around and realizing that david wasn’t all that he was cracked up to be, but i got really mad at all the times when gabe would get hit by david. accident or not, it pissed me off. david breaking fern’s arm and shooting rufus made me uncomfortable, lol. and like, i get why he did it, but still. that whole situation could’ve been handled better. i’m at least glad that he didn’t let kate and javi get shot. i stood beside my brother and it was a nice moment and made me happy, but i couldn’t be too happy bc i knew everything was gonna get fucked up by the end of the episode. i felt bad about ava, a little, but tripp was my husbando™ and i didn’t want him to die (even tho he did gdi) and so she was rightfully pissed off at me. she said she’d pick david over me anyway so i didn’t feel too bad. the bit where david’s like, “kate walked right past me and hugged you. why is that?” and i’m like, MY KATE wouldn’t have done that, i’m sorry!!!!!! but i couldn’t actually say that so i just went with, “ask her yourself.” bc lol nah son. but then the fact that she’ll hardly speak to him, just-- kate why? i mean, i kinda get it, but still. ALSO GABE TELLING JAVI THAT HE WANTS TO BE LIKE HIM GAVE ME SO MANY EMOTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BABY BOY IS GROWING UP SO FAST!!!!!!!!! the scene where ava saved my sorry ass and proceeded to die fucked me up, dude. i thought she’d last longer than that. and david’s reaction was just so-- idk. but i get it bc people handle grief in different ways. but the whole thing with the group going across that edge spiked my anxiety and i was just hyper-aware of kate the entire time. the helicopter scene didn’t help my anxiety lmao. i was just glad that we all survived that bs. plus when javi finally gets up there and he’s like, “great job everyone. just like how we rehearsed!” and kate’s like, “i think we can do better! lets go back over there and try that again!” and it just-- i laughed so hard, fffffff. the walker scene was gross af, but the fact that JAVI LITERALLY TALKS TO ONE OF THEM KILLS ME JUST-- walker: *looks at javi, makes guttural noises* javi: *looks at walker, makes guttural noises back* i died laughing at that, okay? it was fuckin’ great. and the scene in the garage-- HOLY FUCK. kate slapping david and proceeding to break up with him and THEN GOING OVER TO KISSING JAVI (AND JAVI KISSING HER BACK LIKE THERE’S NO PROBLEM WHATSOEVER) LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK????? KATE!!! THAT’S NOT HOW YOU DO IT!!!! (i mean, i told david that i was in love with her afterwards, but still...) ofc that set david off, and he attacked me, but i refused to fight him. i kept telling him that i loved him, and then he warped gabe upside the head with a fucking wrench and didn’t even fucking bat an eye. like, i’m sorry, but even if i was seeing red and was trying to kill someone, the moment that happened, and i realized that i’d just hit my son UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH A FUCKING WRENCH i’d immediately snap out of it and try to apologize to my kid or something at least. i also felt like gabe agreeing to go with david was ooc af, but the writers did that shit on purpose. otherwise how could they get those separate endings they wanted sooooo bad, y’know? i went with kate, and i don’t regret it at all. i trusted clem enough to get gabe back safely and i just knew that if i left kate, she’d die and i wasn’t having that. so i went with her and helped her clear out richmond with the HELP OF MY MAIN MAN JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT’S GOOD, MAN???? I MISSED YOU BRO!! YOU LOOK HELLA GOOD LIKE THAT, DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!! but yes, so we did all that, and then clem’s back and she’s GOT GABE AND HE’S ALIVE AND SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but then we find out that DAVID’S FUCKING DEAD AND IT’S LIKE WTF?! NO! WHY?! bc as much as i might’ve not always liked david, i never wanted him to fucking DIE WTF?! also the fact that gabe’s like, “dad said for us to take care of each other.” seriously FUCKED ME UP, MAN. like damn. so kate and i go to his body (which i really hated looking at, btw. too much sad.) and she grabbed his dog tags, while proceeding to tell me about what david wanted and ish. and i was like, fuck man. that’s fucking sad af. we respected his wishes, buried his dog tags, and i said my peace and KATE DIDN’T HAVE SHIT TO SAY AND JUST SMILED AT ME AND LEFT HER FUCKING RING THERE AND I’M LIKE WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK -- and then we put up david’s pic on the memorial wall, and say a few more words, and kate brings up the fact that she wants to have a BABY??????????? naturally, i was like, ‘fuck yeah, babe.’ but still, lollllllll. i didn’t see that coming at all. AND THE BIT WITH JESUS HOLY FUCK. him thinking javi was flirting and i’m like, “heyyyyyyy boiiiiiiiiii how you doin????” bc fuck yeah. sorry, i’m weak for jesus, man. i fuckin’ ship it. and then the “hey, uh, jesus?” and “hey, uh, gabe.” IT WAS SO FUCKING CUTE OMG. THE HAIRCUTTING SCENE WAS ADORABLE TOO!!! being able to tease clem about gabe, and giving her hope about aj, AND giving her that adorable haircut???? A+++++ i loved every bit of it! tho i will say that clem has some big ears, lmao. i still love her tho. <3 THE HUG SHE GIVES GABE, THE FACT THAT JAVI AND KATE HAVE THEIR ARMS WRAPPED AROUND EACH OTHER, AND THE WAVES THEY ALL GIVE EACH OTHER, I’M JUST-- LOVED IT. and the ending scene with her looking like a total badass with that new haircut and jacket????  👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit Clementine’s story will continue... like omggggggggggggggggggggggg. though i do wonder when they’ll finally let clem rest, lmao. and OKAY!!! i’ll now take this opportunity to say that it killed me how ooc Kate was at times. like, the fact that she didn’t at least look at david and ask him if he was okay didn’t seem like something she’d do, imo. also her ignoring david for that long and only talking to him when they’re fighting??? mmmm no. i don’t approve. the fact that she loses her shit and slaps him and breaks up with him and  THEN goes over and kisses Javi just to add more salt to the wound felt soooooooooooooooooo ooc for her. MY KATE would, at the very least, attempt to have a civil conversation with david. she wouldn’t have ignored him for so long up until that point. she might’ve been nervous to bring the topic up and that’s why she was ignoring him, but i feel like she would’ve pulled him aside after a while and talked to him calmly about the situation. she would’ve picked a better time to do it than when she did in the game. she just-- she would’ve handled it so much better than they had her do, bc that whole thing was a fucking mess. that wasn’t the kate i’d been led to believe. also the fact that she just stops caring about him at all? like, you loved him once, enough to marry him! You even admit to loving him once. so you mean to tell me that you have not even the tiniest shred of emotion left for him? unrealistic. blocked. but no, for real-- i could understand it in some situations, but it just find it hard to believe that she wouldn’t care about him at all. kate and david’s relationship reminds me sooooo much of my mom and dad’s and even though they have their issues and aren’t in love with each other anymore, and even though they don’t always get along, they still care about each other, so i’m like??? sigh. oh well... also the fact that she doesn’t say anything at david’s funeral, and just lays her ring down on the dirt pile? ooc. i feel like she would’ve at least said something. anything would’ve been better than the silence. and then to top it all off, she tells javi that she wants to start a family with him, and i’m like???? you were literally just talking about how glad you were that mariana wasn’t there to suffer through that shit and now you’re telling me that you wanna have a baby? idk. i just didn’t expect that from her. i still love kate, and i’m very weak for her, and everything else that i didn’t mention about her seemed p in character to me, but yeah. those are just my thoughts on that. and lastly, david seemed to be mostly ic throughout the game, but i feel like there were plenty of moments where he was wayyyyyyy OTT. like, whoa. like, i know that the game was trying to use him to show more depth to his character, but would also turn around and use him for confrontational purposes. also the fact that even if you don’t pursue kate, AT ALL, he STILL doesn’t believe you when you tell him that, and he loses his shit and tries to kill you. david’s character could’ve been handled better as well, i think. but yeah, i think that’s about it for now. i’ll make another post later if i think of anything else, and i’m sorry that this is so long, but i had a LOT of thoughts about this, so...

[undeadpsycho13]

a cup of coffee to warm my icy heart

GUYS GUYS GUYS THE COFFEE SHOP AU THINGY IS DONE (first chapt at least. this whole thing is going to be AT LEAST 5 chapters)

imma tag these people, for wonderful awesome ideas: @puzzle-of-life-reason-for-death​ (for coming up with the headcanon/awesome au), @baitsakhan-adlai​ (for glaring at me constantly across the room telling me telepathically to hurry up), @13thendgameplayer​ (for the beautiful pickup lines you supplied, truly they were amazing, i swear to god imma use more of them in the next chapts), @redheaded-sniper-girl​ (this is to repent my sins, im sry this part wasnt mac’s perspective, i promise at least some of it will be, i hope you like this), and @baitsabeeisreal​ (bc even tho she didnt really contribute, she’s like the #1 baitsabee fan out there)

okay, yeesh, long boring credits are over, now lets get on with the show!! :D

CHAPTER 1: HOT, DARK, STRONG, JUST LIKE ME

The first time was an accident.

Baitsakhan didn’t really mean to walk into a coffee shop that wasn’t Starbucks, it just kind of happened.  His legs kind of just… carried him away from the Starbucks nearest to his house, and since he couldn’t be bothered to walk an extra block to the second closest Starbucks, he decided to try out that shady looking “Endgame” cafe.  Edgy name, Baitsakhan thought absent-mindedly.  Well, technically he did have reason, and it wasn’t really an accident, but hey, he can’t just say he didn’t want to go back to the Starbucks because he was pissed at the cashier.  That Hilal something, who was all about niceness and world peace and all that other nonsensical bull.  It just pissed him off, how people could be so cheery and kind.  The Incident last week, involving at least a dozen pamphlets on saving the environment and using Baitsakhan as a bulletin board, was the final straw.  He couldn’t go back to Starbucks after that, and what right did the world have to take away coffee from a poor, sleep-deprived, coffee-needing teenager, right?

A text lit his phone just when he was about halfway across the street.  He ignored the faint vibration.  Really, it could only be three people: Jalair, his very over-protective brother who wouldn’t let him do anything remotely fun (“Baitsakhan, what are you doing to that poor kitten?” “Oh, I don’t know, maybe just cutting off his tail with a butter knife if you suddenly went blind today.” “How could you do that to poor Muffin??!!”), his horribly awesomely social sister Sarangerel who had a bajillion times more friends than Baitsakhan (“A bajillion times zero is still zero Baits.” “That’s not my point.”), or his Chinese friend (read: only friend) An Liu (contrary to popular belief, Baitsakhan did have one friend, though even he didn’t care to admit it).  Turns out, curiousity got the better of him, and after another five or six continuous obnoxious buzzes (by now he was sure it was Sarangerel), Baitsakhan whipped out his phone angrily, prepared to type out a biting lecture about why friends and family should not double text and annoy the hell out of him in the process, when he realised –– with a frown –– that the number displayed on his phone was an unfamiliar one, labelled neither “Mother-Hen”, nor “Social Butterfly”, nor “Asian Hacker Lovebird”.  In fact, the area code displayed it wasn’t even from the area.

And all of them, every single text, was the same thing: bring me the goddamned ice cream.  A final: ais ik ur redin these txts topped it off.

The atrocious grammar pissed him off.  So did the fact that this person called him freaking Ais.  What kind of name was that, anyways?  Typing furiously, a long paragraph was added to the message: F off, I’m not Ais.  You’ve got the wrong number idiot.  Besides, who would give ice cream to you??  Loser.  By the way, don’t text me back.  Like ever again.  Delete this message immediately, or my weird hacker friend will be out to get you and possibly put a bullet through your head with a drone if you don’t.  Have a nice life!

Feeling pleased with his impeccable grammar, and his nice little response, Baitsakhan continued along towards the coffee shop.  The a hidden speaker above the door emitted a faint ringing noise, which was, too be honest, quite annoying.  He didn’t understand how anyone could stand hearing that sound hundreds of times a day.  For once, he kind of felt bad for the baristas.

The coffee shop was surprisingly quite crowded, at least compared to what Baitsakhan’s expectations would be.  In the far corner, a sturdy-looking dark-skinned girl sat opposite of another one, except slim and of Indian heritage.  Closer to the entrance sat a woman, hijab covering half her head, alone, sipping a cup of coffee with an icy expression on her face.  Near the cashier, three people were chatting animatedly, a guy with a scar on his face holding hands with a blond girl, sitting across from a pretty Native-American girl.

Baitsakhan made a face.  He really should have just sucked it up and settled with Starbucks.  All these annoying people… at least the Starbucks was relatively quiet.  Sighing, he made a mental note not to come back again, before begrudgingly trudging up to the counter.

The boy standing at the counter was presumably in his late teens, his hair honey colored with streaks of something darker tied up into a short ponytail, displaying a set of silver earrings that contrasted nicely with his immaculate jet-black suit, though steaks of it were already coming loose.  It suited him nicely, Baitsakhan couldn’t help but notice.  His electric blue eyes, wary like that of a predator’s, flashed eagerly at having another customer, perhaps saving him from his endless boredom.  A nonchalant expression crossed his face, followed by a knowing smirk, and then was once again replaced by a mockingly polite look as he called out,

“How may I help you?”

Baitsakhan stared unabashedly at the guy, unamused.

“I thought this was a coffee shop.  Get me some goddamned coffee.”

Something akin to surprise appeared in the cashier’s eyes, but like every other emotion quickly disappeared.  He probably didn’t get rude comments like this often.  Serves him right, thought Baitsakhan, trying to ignore the boy’s undeniable hotness as a feral grin spread across the guy’s face.  The name Maccabee was written on a pin proudly hung from the guy’s breast pocket.  Baitsakhan duly noted this, for no reason at all.  He had no reason to store away this kind of information.  He totally wasn’t planning on coming back again.

“Okayyy then,” he drawled, every word unnecessarily lengthened, “How would you like your coffee?”

“Hot, dark, strong.” Baitsakhan had no time for this nonsense.

“Just like me then,” Maccabee said, waggling his eyebrows.

Baitsakhan stared, unimpressed,

“Do you flirt with everything that walks on two legs?”

Again, the guy looks surprised.  Probably hasn’t had a pick-up line thrown back at his face before, Baitsakhan thinks with a smirk.

“Nope, just cute ones.”

The barista turned to make the coffee, and thank God he turned to make the coffee, because Baitsakhan has chosen just the right time to have his face turn completely red.

Ugh.

He really should have just gone to Starbucks.

A/N: 

cringey title, cringey chapter title, cringey everything… sounds about right

i should have mentioned before, YES I TOTALLY SHIP AN AND BAITS AS A BROTP EVEN THO ITS SUPER WEIRD AND THEY PROB HATE EACH OTHER CANON BUT WHO CARES.

also, sorry about the non-typical depiction of maccabee, i kinda just imagined him with long hair one day and it… kinda spiralled off into the void?? idk.  i kinda like it.

ALSO, i sorta maybe incorporated a wrong number!au into this also. sue me, i was playing around with thing and it got outta hand, ok

next chapt will be up by the end of the week (hopefully earlier, i have an hr to write tomorrow, and this chapt only took an hr, so… possibly tomorrow :) no guarantees tho)

[burntflorets]

things i want to say to you if we were still talking: day 3

6 april 2017 2:57am i got nightmares again. this time i was helping a close friend of mine ( i can’t seem to be able to remember her face once i woke up). she was transitioning to become something else a different religion or sth. i helped her through her tough times. we were in my room just that it had a different setting. and she had another girl friend with her. it’s hazy i can’t remember everything but she tried to kill me. she had a gun. she was in a trance and she randomly shot the gun all around. i said i was scared and hid in a corner. her friend looked at me weirdly. i said i wanted to leave, my friend turned the gun on me. i ran for my life, down the stairs. she shot me in the head but i still could run. everything happened in slow mo. i ran in slow mo. she didn’t. i was crying calling out your name. i made it out of the front door crying for help and bumped into my colleagues. there was no one around except them. they stalled me for a few seconds before the girl caught up with me. they didn’t believe my story. they said i was crazy i tried to escape and i couldn’t. and i wanted to wake up from my dream so desperately and i couldn’t too. the dream was never ending, like it was trapping me inside it. i knew i was asleep and i was dreaming. i couldn’t do anything about it. idk how i finally woke up. i think i tricked myself into thinking that it was alr 6am. i heard myself calling your name out in my sleep. i guess even when i’m not conscious and awake i still need you as much.

3:33am hey i can’t go back to sleep. i was scrolling facebook and i came across this which i wanted to tag u in. but i can’t bc we aren’t supposed to be talking. i’ll just put it here, maybe you might come across this someday. “How to keep a relationship: Communicate: Talk about things, the good and bad. Build trusts. Be honest. Be faithful. Be there for one another. Make time for one another. Leave the past to the past, which include ex’s. Know that having arguments are normal. Know that you won’t always be happy. Don’t expect change. Appreciate the flaws. Appreciate each other. Become best friends. Lastly, love each other unconditionally. ” i know i said i didn’t want to hope but i really wish we would work out in the end.

7:27am i barely slept. i feel like shit too. i want to skip work today. my whole body feels like it’s giving up.

what day is it? oh thursday. nice. almost one week is over.

3 more weeks to go.

10:23am my whole body hurts. i think i over exerted myself yesterday while carrying the stones. it’s good feeling the pain tho, since i promised i wouldn’t hurt myself intentionally. at least this pain helps me a little bit. idk.

i saw this crystal marbled bar soap and immediately wanted to tag u and i was about to press send when i realized we don’t talk anymore. the marbled soap was so u, and it was whitish, your favorite colour. i wanted to get one for you but it costs 10usd for like a 5cm piece. plus the shipping. i think it’s not worth it. i looked up some diy crystal soap articles and maybe i’ll make some considering i don’t go out anymore and i have some time. maybe i’ll make them some day. if i can get myself out of bed and do something productive with my life.

11:33am ‪i would rather be fighting with you than going through this alone‬

12:30pm it’s lunch now and i bought majestic bay’s staff menu. i was so hyped up for it bc they said it was the okra one. bc i remembered the colleagues talking about it saying that the minced meat and brinjaw one was good. when the food came, i got so disappointed bc it’s was fucking LADIESFINGER AND FISH. FAK i always thought okra was brinjaw omfg and i was cheated??? holy shit i was so mad bc not only i don’t like ladies finger, the portion was so little that there’s only 3 small pieces of fish and 2 slices of ladies finger. omfg i got so mad that shit cost $5. omg ended up we had to buy macs the staff menu and a large fries. ugh

it’s weird tho i feel nauseous and my stomach hurts but i ate breakfast today. i had wraps and sandwhich. i didn’t eat the sandwhich tho. now eating lunch i feel like i need to puke even more than ever. ugh what’s wrong with me. i’ve been eating i swear. i’ve been eating 3 meals i didn’t skip any meals but idk why.

7:42pm daddy and mummy went out for dinner, they told me they had some food for me on the table and i just had to warm it up. i didn’t want to eat bc i didn’t have any appetite recently. but i couldn’t just throw it away and lie that i ate. so i just warmed up the food. i left the soup on the stove on low fire and went to bathe. halfway i heard and explosion and i got fucking scared. like omg wtf what if my whole kitchen is in flames or sth??? wtf wtf so i went out stark naked and soap still in my hair. and the fucking back door was open bc i went for a smoke earlier. fuck my life. and i was scared someone came home too and i was naked?? and what if the kitchen was on fire too?? fuck. luckily the fire just went out but the sound tho. scared the shit out of me. thank God nothing happened. holy shit. i thought the worst was over, and i could just go back to bathe. I couldn’t fucking turn off the fucking gas HOLY SHIT. the knob was jammed fuckkkkk how more suey could i get. and i was soapy and the soap was in my eyes and what not and i was trying my best to turn off the stove before anyone came home seeing me naked????? fuck. i finally managed to in the end. i swear my heart was beating so fast i thought it was going to pop out. omg. ok story telling time over. i’m so tired to even eat. i just want to smoke my life away till i pass out from the fumes.

9:28pm i happened to chance upon this thoughtcatalogue article and i really agree with it a lot.

I Love You, But You’re Not Good For Me (And I Can Finally See That) Becca Martin

It’s been months since I’ve seen you last and I was convinced you were what was missing from my life. I convinced myself that I couldn’t live without you, that I’d never be happy again until I was reunited with you, but going back made me realize something I’ve known for a while but have never been able to admit to myself. I finally realized just how toxic and suffocating you are in my life. I get so wrapped up in love and the idea of love that often times I forget just how good or bad something can be for me. I think that it’s right, and that just because it makes me feel good that means it’s all okay. But it’s not. It’s not okay that I left feeling full of regrets, feeling less than when I arrived to you, feeling empty because as much as I want to be with you constantly, going back to you made me realize how damaging our relationship is. It made me realize that what we had worked for so long, but even through all those years I failed to notice you’ve always made me feel this way. You were always bad for me but I just became completely intoxicated by you. You made me forget my morals, my values, how to be strong on my own because being around you makes me weak. It makes me do things I’m not necessarily proud of because being around you makes me feel alive. It makes me hate myself – and love shouldn’t make you feel that way. But I never noticed it at the time, I blocked it out and always blamed it on anything other than you. I enjoyed every wild moment, every drunk mistake, every time I let myself go completely because all I was concerned about in those moments was being there with you. I never wanted to be apart, I never wanted to live without you because I never thought I could enjoy life without you. I wanted to stay there; stay in those moments of comfort with you because it made me feel safe. In all those blissful moments I forgot how damaging you were to me because in those moments I never wanted anything more than I wanted to be there, with you. I thought going back to you would help, I thought it would remind me just how much I love you and it would make me want to stay. But I was wrong. I loved you when I got there – and I still do – but now I’m not so sure that it’s healthy because when I drove away and left you this time I didn’t feel the same heartbreak I felt the first time. I didn’t feel the same sadness and regret of walking away. This time I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go back to you again. Instead, this time I felt empty, I felt hopeless and like I’ve completely lost myself because that’s what you do to me. You completely intoxicate me and you turn me into someone I’m not, someone I don’t know anymore. And it breaks my heart to come to this realization because I love you more than you’ll ever know, but you’re not good for me. I learned that I can love you with my whole heart in a way that I’ve never loved anyone or anything else but that doesn’t mean we are good for each other; it doesn’t mean we’ll end up together because sometimes you don’t end up with the love of your life, and that’s okay. I love to love things that are bad for me because they make me feel alive, but at a certain point I need to walk away from what I really want in the moment and start walking towards something that’s good for me in the long run. I don’t know how I’ll do it without you, but all I know is I need to try because I can’t keep going back to you. I’m no longer good for you and you’re definitely not good for me.

it’s scary bc that’s how i feel sometimes. especially when we fight. i’m pretty numb rn, i don’t feel as much as i did on that day and the next. i know you’re bad for me, bc you don’t ever change or try and understand when a misunderstanding happens. you said u would but when it comes down to doing it, you don’t. but i still love you. a lot in fact. like how the girl felt like in the article.

these days, we have been fighting so much i’ve stopped wishing and hoping for things to go my way, i just let nature take its course. and i don’t think i’ll have a definite answer for you if u were to ask me at the end of all these. i’ve cleared my mind and have been thinking things through. i don’t feel depressed or happy or wtv. i just feel normal. like it’s any other day. i’m just going to leave it in God’s hands. it’s not that i’ve given up. i don’t want to fight against what has been planned for us. it’s tiring knowing that you’re fighting a losing battle. i’ll just let nature take its course, and go with the flow.

the thing about me is that no matter how wrong i know something is or how bad something is for me, i still try and fight for what i want. and i might end up fighting a losing battle when it comes to you. bc no matter how toxic our r/s is, i am that stubborn and i won’t give up even though i know it’s not going to work. i only give up when i’m broken. and i guess i’m not that broken enough to give up yet.

10:30pm the mood swings are back. i feel shitty. i miss u. there's a dull ache inside my chest. i wanna talk to you. i wanna know what you're doing. i want you to be here. i want to see your face. i want to feel u. i miss u.