#(if the link doesnt work feel free to pm me)

[dailyblumity]

OH SHIT DUDE I JUST CHECKED OUT THGE FIC YOU MENTIONED IN THE CLAIRES DRAWING AND CHECKED OUT UR OTHER FICS AND .

YOU SEE THE VISION !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(i am so unwell about these idiots that I made a whole-ass slideshow about them and one of the first things I wrote down on it was that beta Willow is 100% nb 🤝🤝🤝)

(also I know this sounds perhaps a little odd so absolutely /nf but do you have discord I NEED someone else to infodump about the betas with)

forgive me if any of this sounds insane it’s 4am my filter is Gone I should not be awake but the betas fuel me

beta willow is nonbinary transmasc and is on T and gets top surgery and i will die on this hill. THAT THING IS NOT A WOMAN!!!!!!

all the betas have silly genders. none of them are cis to me <3

also! here's a link to a silly art discord server i mod in that has a buncha people who also enjoy the betas! :] BAM come and join the insanity

[mamaladykt]

Quarantine Q&A

I was tagged by @queenrisa14 which whaaaaaaa!? God when will the Sally Fields "they like me!!!" feeling go away when ever I am tagged in anything? Does it ever? I'm always stunned people are aware of my existence. Thanks girl! Anywho!

Are you staying home from work/school?

Soooooooo, about this. Hehehe. I was working. I was considered essential. To the point that my 4 day a week job turning into 7 days a week, 12 hours a day for TWENTY days straight. It took a toll. On me and my kids. So, because my kids are now out of school for the rest of the school year, my schedule not allowing for any flexibility or a leave of absence, I put in notice last week and my last day was Monday night. I felt really good about it, felt free, came home tuesday morning and filed for unemployment on grounds of childcare needs (which was immediately flagged 🙄😭) and slept. Today was a new day, started cleaning my house for the first time in over a month...... and it went down hill from there. Horrendous night and not feeling great about the uphill battle that will be getting my kids (and husband) back on track. TL;DR yes I'm home, it's a mess.

If you're staying home, who's with you?

That would be my 5 children, my oldest daughter is 11 (dear God tween hormones are no joke!) and my 4 sons, who are 9, 7, 5, and 3. My husband is still working and I miss him during the day and wanted to boot him out tonight. Sigh.

Are you a homebody?

Yes!!! I'm an introvert. If I was well and truly alone, I would never need to leave my house. I have no issues with the idea of ordering groceries online, I just ordered my first ever iPad online and I'm trying to navigate buying glasses and contacts online (PM me with links of websites if you've done this and had a good experience). I just need Amazon to get their shit together and ship my stuff! This isn't the 90's it doesn't need to take a month to get me something. Gah! Also, if I could figure out how to get my ADHD diagnosis from home via telemedicine that would be greeeeeeeeat. Seriously never want to leave my house again.

What movies have you watched recently?

Hahahahahaha!!!!!!! Omg you think I watch movies... That's adorable. Yea, noooo. The last movie I watched was Frozen 2 when it hit Disney+ a month ago. I am, however trying to gear myself up emotionally for watching Avengers Infinity War and Endgame this Sunday. It's been a year..... I'm still not ok. And I haven't watched since that fateful day in the theaters. No seriously, I cried last night just hearing the opening notes to the IW TRAILER! The trailer y'all. "There was an idea....." 😭😭 Ugly sob.

Shows?

Umm, I was watching Outlander at work. I binge watched the first four seasons in like a month back in January. Couldn't wait for season 5 and lost all steam once it started. I dunno. I think it's the Brianna story line. Other than that I honestly throw on Downton Abbey or Victoria again when I need something to watch. (can you tell I have a thing for accents...) I'd love to binge watch in order from the beginning The Big Bang Theory! If anyone knows where I can get the series to stream, let me know. I've watched it out of order for years and years and love it so much but seeing it start to finish sounds like a perfect quarantine activity.

What event was cancelled that you were looking forward to?

My kids going to school on a daily basis?? Lol. No, you know what's funny. I've never gone, didn't have plans to go, but I actually shed a tear when they cancelled Comic Con 2020 in San Diego. I was hoping to go next year so it was a mix of disappointment over not streaming this year's panels/the historical significance of there not being one and feeling like next year is now unattainable because all the 2020 ticket holders will get that one? It's weird and all hypothetical and stupid. Honestly I'm a mom and I don't get to do anything. The most exciting thing on my "to-do" list that was postponed was the Black Widow movie. I have waiting 10 goddamn years for my girl to get a solo movie! TEN YEARS!!!! I needed this to distract from the 1 year anniversary of losing Tony Stark Endgame. Gah. I'm also holding my breath that Sailor Moon Crystal the movie doesnt get postponed from September to God knows when. And my October trip to Orlando for Girl Scouts USA Convention isn't canceled. I'm going to Disney World!! If Florida isn't stup.... Yea ok. 😑😒😞

What Music are you listening to?

My Seiya playlist. I have a playlist of music that I think Seiya would sing. Cuz I love him and he's cheeky and in my head he's a weird mix of Adam Levine and Brendon Urie and that's what the playlist is full of. And this one song by Dermot Kennedy called Outnumbered that is just, IMO Seiya's parting words to Usagi. That and I'm kind of obsessed with Dance Monkey by Tones and I.

What are you reading?

Other than articles about the CARES act regarding unemployment benefits, reviews of cases and accessories for my new iPad Pro (it's the 12.9 and I had no idea I bought the big one and that it's basically a touch screen iMac and I'm overwhelmed with trying to find something to protect it from my children....) or homeschool tips and tricks for kids with autism.......

So help me God, I am reading The Unintentional Seduction of Chiba Mamoru if it freaking kills me. It's been on my to-read list for freaking ever and I am dying that I haven't read it yet. And kind of hating myself. Come on KT, get your ish together sis!!! I'm sorry @floraone !!

What are you doing for self-care?

I quit my job for one. That was the ultimate self-care move. That and for my kids.

Also, Online shopping? I have purchased things for myself that I have never done before. Makeup which is so fun. Like I bought the whole Sailor Moon makeup collection from Colour Pop. I got my first Morphe palette. And big girl concealer from Tarte. Yaaaaas! My iPad and all the pink accessories I can find. A pink throw blanket because my kids have a million blankets but we have no throw blankets for the couch. What the hell? And my favorite thing, I bought a bunch of stuff from teepublic with my profile picture on it from the artist @briannacherrygarcia (seriously her work is amazing! Go check her out, I can't get enough) that created it. I mean, how cool is that. I'm usually too poor to support the content creators for which I am so grateful for. After working three 84hr weeks, I figured I deserved to splurge on something that wasn't in anyway shape or form a need. A pure joyful want. Cant be excused as anything else. It felt so good. I got stickers and an art print and a coffee mug (because coffee mugs are my favorite thing and I somehow do not have enough of them so if anyone wants to send me pretty coffee mugs!) And a hoodie!! I'm so excited.

That last question is amazing. I was feeling so down and overwhelmed by just how bad my home and everyone in it was doing after I was working so much. I am not exaggerating saying it going to take weeks to put this back together and help my kids get used to having rules and structure again. Because it wasn't gonna be a quick fix I was hating life. But listing all the ways that I managed to take care of me, something I never do, because that's what I needed the last month to literally survive, reminded me that I am in a good place and that I have time now to get this done. It took a month to get to this level of chaos it only stands to reason that it's probably gonna take a month to put it back. And shit it's not like we're going anywhere. What's the rush? ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Thanks @queenrisa14 for this! This was great and fun and so needed for my psyche. I tag anyone on my follows list who hasn't done this. Do it and say I tagged you.

MamaLK says take care of you and the rest will fall into place! 😘

[leesunnies]

- good morning starshine ! the earth says hello ! i’m link, i’m 19, and i reside in the est ! if tumblr dms arent your thing feel free to add my discord (im a lil piece of goat meat! #0882) ! i’m currently out of school and working part time, starting school in the summer (yay gap years)  anyways !! here is my prince SUNSHINE, sun lee ! below the cut you’ll find some lil snippets about him !!  leave a lil heart and i’ll slide into those pms and get some ~plotting~ going, or if you wanna, message me with plot ideas!! alrighty !! see ya for now~! (wanted connections, stats)

taurus, infp, prince sun!

he loves to party, yet he seems really bored by it all till hes a few shots deep and hes grinding with a random stranger on the dancefloor

he’s bold, says whats on his mind and tends to hurts feelings, and then cries about it at night

while he is bold and can come across as rude, he’s also charming, he’s a huge flirt. calls everyone pet names (babe, baby, love)

he refuses to ever find love, the only love he has that hasn’t left him was alcohol, unless you’re a bottle of tequila, move

his weaknesses are cupcakes and puppies, if together thats amazing

he never had a dog growing up so he is always overly in love with his friends animals

hes an insanely good friend, he cares for his friends deeply and always wants to make friends with literally everyone

his music taste is crazy, he loves any music. (here, here, here, and here, will link you to some playlists!)

he’s insanely creative and loves to try and do new things, he loves to make videos and upload them to youtube, whether he gets big or not isn’t his priority, its having fun (but lets be honest everyone wants fame)

his parents are fashion designers, they treated him more like an employee versus a child in his life, using his editing and producing skills to their advantage.

he collects records and has his favorites on a wall in his flat being held up with pushpins.

he works part time at a local cafe, although his idea of part time isnt his managers idea, he works more than most of the rest of his employees just because he loves working there.

fashion, believe it or not, is not his main priority. his mother stocks his closet with current fashion and thats about all he knows.

the content he makes is along the lines of bill wurtz, stupid nonsensical comedy, with a touch of music. can also be compared to bo burnham

though he is a film major, he does make more serious films for school, he just doesnt like being overly serious, always trying to be a lil more than just blehh h (IDK IF THAT MAKES SENSE BUT oh well)

after university he wants to work on movies as an editor

he refuses to associate with his parents when he doesnt have too, mr and mrs lee wish he’d be closer but hes never forgiven them for some shit that i’ll get into in a lil bit

he’s very bisexual, no leaning towards one gender or the other(s). hes much like freddie mercury in that he’ll fuck anything with a pulse (and consent)

[pentakillmaven]

The Nose Knows, Chapter 4 (NaNoWriMo 2018)

Short chapter this time, but I really had fun writing this one! It’s a group text chat chapter!

Chapter Rating: T

Chapter Warnings: Unresolved mutual pining

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12

Chapter 4

Ladybug and Chat Noir met up a little after sunset at the top of the Arc de Triomphe. They didn't like to use the same meeting spot every time they patrolled, just in case a villain was tracking them, but the structure was a common starting point for their circuitous routes around the city. Ladybug bit her lip nervously as she thrust a wrapped box into Chat Noir's hand. "This is for you, Chaton."

"My Lady?" Chat cocked his head to the side as he furrowed his brow a little, but he accepted the box easily enough. "What's all this about?"

"Just open it!"

Nodding rather reluctantly, Chat tugged on the ribbon wrapped around the box, setting it aside for the moment while he tore through the paper. Lifting the lid, his eyes widened in surprise as he saw what was inside. "What in the…" He reached into the box, pulling out a black beanie hat with green paw prints stitched around the brim and faux leather cat ears poking out of the top. Alongside the hat was a fleece scarf with more of the paw print accents and a pair of faux-fur-edged gloves. "Bugaboo, these are amazing! Thank you!"

"Actually, Marinette asked me to bring this present to you. She said it was a thank you gift for saving her. Since it's nearly winter, she thought you might be able to use them if you get cold during patrol."

"Marinette made these? I knew she was a talented designer, but, wow. These are incredible."

Ladybug grinned. "I know, right? I'll tell her you like them!"

Chat shook his head quickly. "No, no, something like this, I need to tell her myself. Do you mind if I skip patrol tonight?" Chat wrapped the scarf around his neck and tugged the hat on over his head before he quickly started to pick up the wrapping paper, stuffing it inside the box alongside the gloves.

Ladybug's eyes widened in minor panic, though Chat was too busy to notice. "She's really busy right now! She's got some big tests coming up; it's probably better not to disturb her while she's studying. You can tell her another night."

Chat looked a bit disappointed, but nodded. "That makes sense. Tell you what--I'll put together something really nice to thank her for the gift, and give it to her when I get back."

"Get back from where?" It was Ladybug’s turn to look confused by Chat's sudden change of topic.

Chat winced a bit, scratching at the back of his head. "Y-yeah… My civilian identity has something going on that I have to leave town for a few days. I should be back by the beginning of next week, though. Do you think you can get Réna Rouge or Carapace to cover for me while I'm gone?"

"Wait, you're leaving town? As in leaving Paris?" At Chat's nod, Ladybug’s face tightened in concern. "Do you think it's smart to leave right after Hawk Moth just sent out the first Akuma we've seen in nearly a month? What if he's about to start on a rash of attacks? Réna and Carapace are great, but I need my partner."

"I'm sorry, Bugaboo, but I don't have any control over the situation. Like I said, it's a thing for my civilian identity."

Ladybug sighed in resignation, nodding slightly. "I know how that feels. All right. Just keep your Miraculous safe while you're gone, okay?"

"Of course. I won't let it out of my sight."

"Good. Now, shall we begin?"

"Of course, My Lady. Lead the way!"

Marinette dropped into her bedroom through the skylight, having already released her superhero transformation from Ladybug. She shivered, quickly pulling the skylight window shut to block the late autumn chill. Paris hadn't seen its first snow of the season just yet, but it definitely felt cold enough to do so, especially this late at night.

Marinette pulled her cell phone out of her pocket, noticing multiple notifications that she'd missed during her time as Ladybug. Some of them were the usual late-evening push notifications from her various games and apps; she also had a few new emails, mostly junk or advertising. The one notification that did catch her eye was from the group chat that she, Alya, Nino, and Adrien all had going on. It was mostly used for school-related discussions, but occasionally someone sent a funny meme or a video link to share to the rest of the group. Opening the messaging app, she scrolled back up to where the new messages began so she wouldn't miss anything.

[8:57 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Hey guys! Today was a lot of fun! Thanks for having us over, Marinette.

[8:58 PM] DJLahiffe: yeah same

[8:58 PM] AdrienAgreatest: I wanted to let you guys know that I won't be at school tomorrow. Actually, I won't be here the rest of the week. Father has some business to attend to in Milan, and he's taking me with him.

[8:59 PM] TheLadyblogger: what the hell Adrien??? doesnt your dad know that the bac practice tests are, like, next week??? how can he pull you out of school right now???

[9:02 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Trust me, Alya, I'm not happy about it either. I just found out earlier tonight, when I got home from Marinette's house. We aren't even leaving until tomorrow, but he made me come home early so that I could "get some good rest, because we have a busy schedule the next several days." Nathalie isn't saying much about it, but she did mention something about a potential merger with some Italian leather working company. I guess they make things like wallets, shoes, and belts? So the company would be able to offer more in the way of accessories that we don't really have right now.

[9:06 PM] DJLahiffe: wow. that sounds p cool but ur dad is still rude af tho

[9:08 PM] TheLadyblogger: i'm with nino on this one. @MariDC what do you think about this? are you as outraged as we are?

Glancing at the time, Marinette breathed a sigh of relief when she realized it was only 9:15. She quickly typed out a response.

[9:15 PM] MariDC: Sorry, just got back up to my room. Was helping Maman with dishes. I'm sorry to hear you're going to be missing class, Adrien! But if this is something your father wants you to do, I think it's important that you take it in stride. Look on the bright side! At least you don't have to sit through stuffy classes the rest of the week. Your teachers are always willing to work with you when you have to miss class. As long as you're back in time for the Bac practice tests next week, everything should be fine. You will be back by then, right?

[9:18 PM] AdrienAgreatest: According to Father, we will be flying back Sunday, so unless something unexpected happens, I should be back in time for the practice tests. Maybe we can do a video call study group one night, depending on how busy I am.

[9:19 PM] MariDC: That sounds great! Just let us know when you're free in the evenings.

[9:19 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Definitely. I'll keep you guys posted on what's going on. If previous experience is anything to go by, the next few days are going to pretty much be Father talking with a bunch of old people while I sit and do nothing. Either that or I'm going to be doing non-stop photo shoots while Father talks with the board of directors at the other company. This is the first time that I'm going to be out of the country, though, so that's exciting at least. I've never been to Italy before.

[9:22 PM] DJLahiffe: dude let me dm you some new remixes ive been working on, u can listen to them on the plane

[9:23 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Yes please! Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know so you weren't worried about me tomorrow. Have a good night everyone!

[9:25 PM] TheLadyblogger: night adrien!

[9:25 PM] DJLahiffe: nite bro

[9:25 PM] MariDC: Good night, Adrien! Sleep well and safe travels!

[9:26 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Thanks :)

Setting her phone aside, Marinette sighed, the sound rather forlorn. She crawled out of bed to get into her pajamas, grabbing her History textbook for some more reading before she fell asleep.

However, despite her best efforts, her mind was buzzing with activity; she couldn't get settled enough to read the textbook and she wasn't tired enough to sleep yet. Her mind kept replaying the look on Chat Noir's face as he opened the gift she'd given him. It seemed so familiar, but she couldn't think of why. Not to mention the strange coincidence that both Chat and Adrien were going to be out of town at the same time. "Tikki?"

The Kwami poked her head out of her little dollhouse on the shelf beside Marinette's bed, where she'd settled once they'd gotten inside. "What is it, Marinette?"

"Chat Noir is going to be out of town for a few days starting tomorrow. And Adrien just messaged Alya and Nino and me saying he was going to Milan for the rest of the week."

"Oh… that's an interesting coincidence." Tikki looked up at Marinette intently, as if reading the girl's expression.

"Is it though? I know it sounds crazy, but… what if…" Marinette trailed off. No, that was too crazy for her to even imagine.

"What are you thinking, Marinette?"

"What if… Chat Noir's civilian identity… what if he works for Gabriel Agreste? What if he's going with Adrien and his dad to Milan, and that's why he's going to be out of town?"

Tikki's eyes widened at Marinette's suggestion. "That's… certainly a possibility, I suppose."

"I know we aren't supposed to reveal ourselves to each other without the masks, but if I was on the right track to figuring out his identity, you'd tell me, right Tikki?"

"Of course I would, Marinette. But I'm not sure if you're on the right track or not."

"Oh. Okay." Sighing, Marinette leaned back in bed, staring up at the ceiling as she continued to ponder the curious coincidence. This was getting her nowhere--she needed to get back to studying! With a huff, she picked up her textbook again, gluing her eyes to the page.

However, after trying and failing to read the same paragraph four times, Marinette set the textbook aside and picked her phone back up. Her fingers shook as she typed a private message to Adrien, and she had to reread the message twice to make sure she didn't have any typos before she sent it.

[9:45 PM] MariDC: Adrien? I have a question.

[9:46 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Hey again Marinette! What's up?

[9:47 PM] MariDC: Do you know Chat Noir?

Marinette held her breath as a message appeared in the corner of her screen: AdrienAgreatest is typing…

Ten seconds turned into thirty seconds, turned into a minute, and Marinette had to gasp for air before she passed out. Finally, after the longest two minutes of her entire life, Adrien's reply popped up on her phone.

[9:49 PM] AdrienAgreatest: I'm not sure why you're asking, but yes, I've at least met Chat Noir before. I don't know who he is behind the mask, though. Or, at least, I don't know if I know him. Does that make sense?

[9:50 PM] MariDC: Yes! That makes perfect sense. I have a confession to make: When I said I was at home the whole time the villain was attacking the school on Monday, I was lying. I actually got hurt in the bathroom when the villain first appeared, and Chat Noir saved me. I only lied to keep Alya and Nino from freaking out and worrying about me. Are you mad?

[9:53 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Why would I be mad at you? It's not like you intentionally put yourself in harm's way, right? I'm just glad you're alright. You're one of my closest friends and I would be devastated if something happened to you. I care about you a lot, Marinette.

Marinette's eyes widened almost comically as she read and reread Adrien's messages. She vaguely heard a loud, high-pitched squeal coming from somewhere in the room. It took her a minute to realize it was coming from herself.

[9:56 PM] MariDC: I care about you a lot too Adrien! I mean, you're one of my closest friends too! I love

Shaking her head wildly, Marinette deleted the text and started again.

[9:57 PM] MariDC: You're really important to me and I hope I didn't disappoint you or make you mad.

[9:58 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Don't worry about it, Marinette. You didn't do anything of the sort. Anyway, I should be getting to bed. It's late and I have to be up at 5 for us to make our plane.

[10:00 PM] MariDC: Oh lord! Yes, you do need to be getting to sleep! Can't have Mr. Model with saggy under eye bags, now can we? ;) Sleep well, Adrien. Let us know when your plane lands, all right?

[10:03 PM] AdrienAgreatest: Will do. Good night, Marinette. Sweet dreams :) (edited)

Marinette blinked, peering down at her phone in confusion. She'd glanced away for a moment, but she could have sworn that instead of her name, Adrien had initially written "Princess."

Did Adrien think of Marinette using pet names? Did he consider her his princess?

"Oh my god!" Marinette rolled over and stuffed her face into her pillow to muffle her squeal.

[thamnoph1s]

edit i didn’t proofread so this is very long: for the tldr i dont know who the commissioners are who contacted the salt post account, i have never taken money before im done art, ive never been rude in dms, ive always kept people in queue updated, never removed someone without telling them, and have never made someone pay a new price if they commissioned when my prices were lower! i hate to accuse someone of this, but all of that stuff was lies and i think they’re just trying to cause intentional issues ;-;

-

hey i was shown the posts by some of my friends, ive been fiddling with what to say since i dug this account out of the dust kKDJKD

i was trying to think of the best way to send screenshots, or get proof from existing commissioners, or track down some of the people who may have made those messages because i dont recognize those events from any encounter, but in retrospect it doesn’t really warrent me going through every message or trade ive ever sent

that being said, i am happy to provide proof of anything and encounters with any specific commissioner! adding them all here, however, would just be overkill and full of a billion messages sent to my GF if i can’t exclude anything

so, long story short, i don’t recognize the events in those posts from any person on wolvden xD if i did, i’d reach out privately, esp since they alluded to still being in my queue! to clear up some of the complete misinformation...

a. i have never taken payment before i have completely finished a commission! (i asked one user for 5 GC the day before to pay for studs, but it was solely a favour and i have long completed their art and thanked them graciously for helping me out there!) in fact, ask any of my current waitlist that i have sent back premature payments! i have adhd and feel it’s a lot less stress to work this way, especially since wolvden has scammer protection ^v^ im not sure where that came from at all, because i have, from the beginning (and there is proof of me answering this question in my main/oldest thread) said payment will only be after!

b. yep, i have been doing YWHs while i still have a waitlist! however, i was doing these YWHs because i sprained my wrist at work and found it difficult to do anything but colour with my nondominant hand (since i can have streamline on) and desperately needed funds for territory expansion! i specifically opened the YWHs because i didn’t want to take money from people on my waitlist before i had finished ;w;

c. i have never been short with anyone in private messages, nor have i talked to any people on the waitlist like one of the people said in a while :o if anyone has issues with the wait/doesnt have the funds, theyre free to cancel at any time with 0 obligation/issue! just send me a message and they’re good to go, no harm done! if i knew someone on the waitlist was having an issue i would be one hundred percent down to remove them, i have not gotten a single message from anyone regarding that :c

d. i currently have 12 custom commissions sketched, none of which have been paid in any part! you can ask anyone listed on the waitlist about this qwq i also post the WIPs publically on a question/hangout thread linked in my main thread!

e. whenever i have changed payment type (pwyw to set prices, and then increasing set prices) i have completed all previous commissions to the same amount as when they commissioned! i worked in groups of 5 when i did PWYW, and all of the 5 i had put on queue were to be finished to the prices i agreed to before then! in fact when i have increased prices, i specify in the message sending the finished art the amount that they have to pay/not the current prices! why else would i still have the previous prices listed in my main thread, and many comms in waitlist with payments beside them that are less than current prices? ;w; long story short i have never asked someone to pay more than they agreed to at the time they commissioned, and im kind of bummed someone would lie about that along with the rest of this stuff

f. i do take paypal, though that was a super recent change so any paypal comms are at the bottom of my waitlist and 0 money has been exchanged! i have not completed or recieved paypal payment for any wolvden commission ^^

i think thats about everything- again, if the people sending their worries were anyone i recognized/the events were true i would absolutely reach out privately, but i have no clue who they are and you can ask anyone who has recieved art from me or commented in my thread at any time to see if they had an issue!! the idea of people i dont even know having my name messed up for them kind of worried me, so i wanted to download this again and try to clear some stuff up

if anyone still has concerns i cannot stress enough that my wolvden pms are always open!! same with discord, or even here if i can figure out how dms work, and i have public question/concern/critiques allowed in the off topic thread so you may also ask there if you’re worried that i will react badly in private these users have said i would ;w;

[sterlingsilverarchive]

~ Friday Evening Talk GG Call ~

ooc: So i’m doing another one of these for Friday (September 15th, 2017) because the last one was very fun to do~ 

Starting tomorrow I’m going to be hosting another small call event on Talk GG  ( a site strictly for calling, doesnt lag! Won’t work on phones though, but you can mute yourself in it if you wish. Only people who receive the link can join it! No downloading included! ) and I want to invite some people on the dash to come and chatter with  me~! 

We may also do dash shenaningans, battle, or simply talk among ourselves to get to know each other better~! There will only be three or four people in this chat at a time (myself included) so that way it doesn’t get heavily crowded in there too. 

Each Session will be about an hour long and anyone is free to leave at any time they want! A new session will be made after that hour is up so that way if those people want to stay in that specific Talk GG room, they can! 

I will send a message to people who like this post and tell you who is going to be in this Talk GG session! If you wish to choose another time, you’re free to do so! 

So if you think you’re interested, hit that heart button so that way I know you’re down to clown with me and a couple people!

This is the schedule i’ll be working with! Feel free to pick a time most suitable for you! If there are a small bunch of people, I will combine sessions so that way we don’t have to jump around! 

Friday [sept. 15] 

Session 1: 8:00 PM EST to 9:00 PM EST 

Session 2: 9:00 EST to 10:00PM EST 

Session 3: 10:00PM EST to 11:00PM EST 

Session 4: 11:00PM EST to 12:00AM EST 

[ramblingsandruminations]

When Suicidal Ideation is the norm

All the help in the world becomes a muddy puddle of shitty affirmations, thorned gaslighting, and useless guilt. If one more person tells me "have you tried yoga/deepbreaths/vitamin B..." Ugh. Who am i kidding? This is tumblr, where you can always find somone who says exactly what you are thinking ( #omgmetho #datme #meirl ). Weve all heard the "stop giving advice and atart taking it " speech, we're all likely to have read some post about the "evils" and " abuses" of therapy and inpatient treatment, and I'll bet a paper hat, some vending machine doodad, or some shitty-yet-adorably-hipsterly prize that within 100 reblogs someone links to some news article about "Queer Youth Completes Suicide And We Think You Will Pay Us to Feel Bad About It, Don't Forget To Like, Share, and Subscribe to Trevor Project, Your Reblog Will Save A Life (And Keep Us Relevant For Our Advertisers)." Tomorrow(well, next daylight hours) my 26-year-old depressed college freshman self is going to walk into my schools coubseling office and tell them i never recieved the location for the therapist they reffered me to (true story--Honestly not avoiding treatmwnt, even if it is useless) and request a second referral. Ill sit through some lecture about self-advocacy veiled in "concerned questions" and once again be misgendered, deadnamed, and criticized for giving a fuck (note: commenters looking to describe me with the word "cuck," i see you there, good for you, let me know how that white kkknight holier than thou red pill rage fest dopamine addiction is filling the gaping void of existential dread within you). After that, there is always a small chance they'll see just how depressed i am, and faster than you can say "looney is a word based in misogynistic beliefs of womens mental health and menstrual cycles being unhealthily and unscientifically connected to the moon," ill be fielding questions which boil down to "do you want to kill yourself" and "do you have a plan." By this time in my life, i've gotten pretty used to BSing my way around psychology. All it really takes is knowing that all they can take you on is your word, and nothing else. "Do you want to kill yourself?" they ask, and i reply "*short pause, heavy, short exhale denoting weight and truth* Well, yeah. But quite frankly, suicidal ideation is a part of my everyday life- nothing i do isn't plagued with some form of "i should wrap this mouse cord aroubd my neck and die" or " i wonder if that branch is strong enough to support my weight" or "man, my head hurts, but i bet a bottle or two of ibuprofen could make it stop." For me, its not a question of wanting to die, its a matter of what do i have to live for, and ive been through enough inpatient DBT and group therapy to help me cope, using breathing techniques and self-care tips to push me through the worst of it." This is usually if not always all they need to hear. Sure, im depressed, but anything they could tell me is something i know and am already doing-i sound to them more like a patient leaving inpatient than one entering it. Our hospitals are overfilled, understaffed, prqctucally unfunded; if im "stable" im staying out of their ledger book. Occasionally, they still worry, having one of those "consciences" their peers claim to have lost when a schizophrenic patient tried to bite their ear off, and ask a follow up "but are you sure? You seem distressed, and if you need some help, we are here for you," to which all i have to do is look at them through sad, but strong eyes and say "Thank you, but i have a great support network of friends and of course, my boyfriend. He's fantastic, and one of the most important things to have happened to me. He keeps me on this side of the dirt." A small tired chuckle, and their focus diverts towards affirmations of how good it is to have support, their therapy brains running on autopilot. Then all it needs is some "active" listening, uh-huhs, and compliant assurance that ill keep working on myself to assuage them of any guilt or corncern. Maybe, though, ill tell them the truth, and let them take me in. Three hots and a cot, after all. I'll fight through my dysphoria as they ogle every nook and cranny of my malformed body trying to see if im hiding a weapon or some drugs; I'll continue to insist on a private room and remind them calmly yet firmly that no, i will *not* room with a male, and their lack of knowledge on how to treat a transgender non-binary patient is well behind on proper treatment according to WPATH, the APA, and our state govt. When i get a room, theyll say that i should take as much time as i need to get acclimated, and not worry about what the rwat of group is qorking on, and then contradict themselves within 5 minutes and say i need to go to group, theyre waiting on me. In my fresh new scrubs, ill walk in and within seconds, ill identify how th staff monitors who came in when (usually different colored scrubs based on different halves of the week, and of course, anyone likely to leave within 48 hours wearing "normal" clothes), and see the therapist or doctor talking about emotional management techniques. When i sit down, eeyes will be on me, some with looks of angey jusgemwnt, some with awe and wonder: what could THEY be in for? The group leader will ask me my name, ill state it and my pronouns (to several uncomfortable shifts in the room), and theyll let me know what they were talking about. Ill make a good effort to participate, play along, etc. Someone in the group will be desperate to control the conversation, talking more and more as if this entire experience is just for them- another person will be too dissociated to say anyrhing, despite the doctors attebpts to get them to open up. Already, the cliques will become apparent; humans are aocial creatures, after all. When we leave for the next scheduled activity (either rec or lunch, depending on the time) the docs will be watching me- im on suicide watch, and they expe t me to jump out a window or try and slit my wrists with a paperclip or something. Im not a danger in this regard; ive been threatened with solitary and ECT if i dont comply before- i am their prisoner and i must comply. Within an hour or two of being there, ill be able to notice how well funded they are (or more likely, arent.) The quality of their reading materials; the availability of puzzles abd how well taken care of they appear. Recreation will be the most bare of kindergarden activities; coloring books, maybe a tv with basic cable. A daycare for adults, abd not the cool buzzfeed articles. Someone, probably an addict, will be trying to fanangle their attendee into giving them special treatement- a snack, or an extra smoke break. I'll be sitting in a corner, smirking- the staff arent even an eigth as dumb as this person thinks, and they've seen this type before. They might get something, but itll cost them sour looks from staff and less accommodating treatment with the doctors. After the second hour, we'll have another activity (second group, rec, or maybe "outside time" if its a particularly fancy facility; while the sun will certainly be shining, our feelings of freedom will be dampened by the high fances and walls keeping us from getting away). This is usually wheb the realization sets in that im stuck here for 72 hours plus, and ill be counting them down to stave off boredom. 15-30 minutes in to this third hour, ill be called in to meet tye psychiatrist, fisrt meeting with an attendee to fill out the generic details, then 30-45 minutes of diagnosis before im told ill be put on ab antidepressant, an anxiolytic, and tramodol, a sedative marketed as "something to help me sleep" and "another antidepressant" which makes me laugh every time. Tramodol is the auppressant, the "slow down" drug which helps keep everyobe on a nice, calm level thats safer for the orderlies. Were i violent, id concur; instead, i begin to wonder how long it will take before i no longer feel persistently asleep once i leave. A couple weeks, likely. Hopefully, the food will be good, but not likely 5 star- one place ive stayed had been cooking for us in the break room, sometimes PB&J, sometimes microwaved quesadillas. Maybe theyll have more drink options than coffee, water, and sugar-free koolaid- maybe not. Likely not. Some of us will complain; most of us will know it is a fruitless endeavor. After another group or two, it will be dinner, then wrap up group. We will discuss what progress we think we made today, and be sent to bed after meds are distributed in little paper ketchup cups. Most places wont do the "cuckoos nest" tongue check, but some will, particularly the ones with kleptos and pill ODers. Lights oyt will be around 10 pm, the beds will be plasticky and the blankets thin, and sleep will only cone rhanks to our sedatives. Day two, we'll be woken early, around 6-7, by an orderly checking our blood pressure and body temp. Well all gather in the hallway, rubbing sleep out of our eyes and head to the eating area for breakfast- which loooking back will likely be the best meal of the day, not the least be ause we have access to augar and caffiene. By now, i will likely have made a friend, probably with an older woman or two, and we will enjoy surreptitiously smirking at each other when the teoublemaker patwnt tries to get an omlette or something silly. Someone will start telling fanciful stories dreamed up in the night; talk will eventually turn to who is leaving today. The orderlies will be trying to not look too interested in what we reveal to each other instead of them. They will not succeed in this. Ths first morning they will use as a test of how i deal with frustration. An older nurse will act exasperated, as though taking care of me is a curse she was tasked with. She will try to cut theough any response i give her, and rudely discount anything i try to say, as if accuaing me of lying. Knowing it is coming doesnt help it hurt less. If it overwhelms me, ill be labeled as dramatic- if not, as detached. Sluggish from the new medications, i will be treated as though i ahould not be here, and will be led aroubd more quickly than i am rady to be. I will notice that part of it is that i am beginning to realize how broken down i feel i am. Reaching out will result in canned answers and "the doctor is busy's". After all, this iant about me, and theyve seen my type before. At lunch, i will be upset by the bland meal, abd ask if they have any hot sauce, or maybethey will be out of a preferred tea, or the food will not be enough to feed me. The newcomer who arrived at morning group will share a look with the quiet patient. I will try not to notice the parallels. A therapist will ask to talk to me today. It may be a nice session, but will essebtially boil down to "let me give you ideas for solving your problems, so that your depression seems more managed." By the end of the day, they will already begin my release plan. Theyve fixed me, they are sure. I will also get my clothes back. The aurvey will be slightly different today; instead of asking on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being best abd 10 being worst how was my day, it will be the opposite: scale of 1-10 with 1 being worst and 10 being best. This way, they can track how much is me being honest, and how much is me remembering numbers to fake it. (Once, a nurse messed up so often that it was a sentence by sentence change). Later, if there is any improvement, it will be used by the hospital as signs that treatment is helping; if it gets worse, that i had a rough day and shouldnt think much of it. Bedtime will come, and i will relish it- being sedated takes a lot out of a person. When morning comes, the eggs will feel soggy and cereal with be a much better choice. A bagel will be carried into morning group and more DBT will be discussed. I will mostly be checked out; they are pulling most of their material from a 12 step program, and the leader is a student of psychology learning how to help people, but ive heard it all before, and that sense of guilt just pushes me towards suicide harder. At this point, ill feel just how desperate they are to get me out; nurses eill hint at things being the "wrong" answer with " you dont REALLY mean that, do you sweetie?" and " well, you cant keep thinking THAT way, or we'll have to keep you here longer." Boredom and longing for home will encourage me to pretend to be better, and not tell them how last night before falling asleep i stared at the vedfrane wondering if i could take it apart and form a springwire noose, or tear the blankets to make a rope. When they ask if im feeling better, it will actually mean "are you done with your timeout from reality? Have you learned how to fit in properly yet?" The meds wont really begin having a noticable effect for months- they know im lying. What they hope for is a glimmer of hope and a mountain of guilt for wanting to hurt others by hurting myself. Ill fake those, too. Still, ill be misgendered. Still, theyll blame hormones and buzzfeed rather than neurology and chemistry. After all, im well-adjusted, not at all like the Caitlyn Jenners and Wachowskis they read about on their facebooks. Its just a phase, and im just confused. I didnt try to hurt myself- nothing is *really* wrong with me. What can i do? Try and strangle myaelf, or others? That just means im lashing out, and ill get a new med regime and another 3 days, this time strapped down. Being strapped to a bed and left alone is mind-numbingly boring. If i tell them i still want to kill myaelf, theyll just nod their head and tell me it will go away soon; if i say i have a plan, rheyll keep me playing chess and reading AA papers until i apologize. Their job is not to fix me, their job is to stabilize me and make sure i dont break myself more. The fixing is my responsibility. Day four is release day. They will claim i have made improvements and have me fill out an action plan for when i feel depressed again. It will include people i can call, and ways i can push through bad feelings. It is my exit exam.when i pass, ill be set up with a therapist outside the hospital later in the week, and told how to connect with various resources. They will think i didnt know there were trans support groups. I will think that if it was just a support group i needed, i wouldnt dream of death. Neither of us will admit these things. And so, ill come back to school. Late on homework, i will have to prostrate myaelf with dictors note beggibg for forgiveness. I will get it, more due to policy than empathy, and at the end of the day, i will lay in bed, stare up at the ceiling, and contemplate which of my top three anchor spots would be the best ending to my story. Other than medical bills, nothing will have changed. Life drones on. I think i understand why death seems,so much better. In death, i can pretend there is a solution. In death, i can imagine a cure. In death, i can envision a caretaker and easier existence. It doesnt matter that death is the end of it all- i can pretend it willl be more, and my imagination can create many comforts in that void. But even death is a lie, and nothing will ever stop hurting.

[thechocolategarage]

Askanya: Bean to Bar in Haiti!

February 23, 2018

Saturday 9-1pm: Thanks for one more week of patience, Katie is once again holding down The Chocolate Garage by herself. I will be back from India next week!

Hello Chocolate Loving Humans! When you read this, I will be just wrapping up our India trip, I pre-wrote these newsletters, so you could know what we are featuring, but it didn't feel right to write it as me in the future. Tomorrow Katie will be flying solo at The Chocolate Garage, so thanks for being patient once again. I will be back the following Saturday, and I look forward to seeing you then! A few things before we dive into what we are tasting, I want to tell you about our next trip, it is kid friendly, so spread the word amongst parents whose kids are off the first week of March, we are taking a small group to Nicaragua! Nicaragua is a very safe and chill country, and we will make a mix of factory visits, cocoa farms, and some beach time. NICARAGUA IN APRIL 2018 Join us from March 31st- April 8th, as we go visit some exciting cacao and chocolate operations in Nicaragua. We keep our trips small, to make sure the experience is great, and get insider access to factories, cacao farming operations, and we also make sure to explore the larger cultural phenomenon in Nicaragua too. Last time we brought chocolate loving folks there, we also visited a market, spent a couple nights at the base of a volcano in the middle of a lake, visited Granada, an old colonial town. You can see more about previous trips and link to our short film on our last trip to Nicaragua here. Email us if you are interested, the spots will fill up, so please reach out! Dr. Kristy Leissle: Tasting and Book Signing March 9th, 2018 For those of you who want to dig more deeply into Cocoa and learn about geopolitics and personal politics in cocoa, come listen to Dr. Kristy Leissle on Friday March 9th, at 7:00 pm, at The Chocolate Garage. It is a free event and we will be tasting some chocolate! You can order her book from Polity Books via this link, and use the discount code LEI30, you will get 30% off the book. Please RSVP (via Eventbrite) if you would like to come. I am sure you will love meeting Dr. Kristy Leissle, and hearing what she has to say. If you want a preview of her brilliance and warmth, you can direct link and listen to Episode 21. It is one of my favorite episodes so far. Les Chocolateries Askanya I am excited to bring in a new maker, as you know, we are always on the look out for Happy Chocolate that is made in the same origin where the cocoa grows. This past Northwest Chocolate Festival, I met Corinne Joachim-Sanon who left her engineering career to return to Haiti to help start a business that could create jobs and wealth. You can watch her story, how she finished her engineering studies at University of Michigan and after a decade of working as a business consultant and engineer, she and her husband made the big switch. These are the kinds of businesses and efforts we love to get connected to, and celebrate. You know I am now dreaming of getting to Haiti soon, to see this with my own eyes, and meet all of the folks who are making this a reality. Perhaps it is through food that we can start building more and more new ways of valuing workers, valuing commodity products, retaining the value in the country of origin, never mind exporting... well, I do love that this bar is being exported and that this is part of their business model! :) We'll be featuring their four bars tomorrow, their darkest registers at 90%, and their milkiest at 47%. They use either sugar or rapadou, bringing the extra flavor of less processed sugar. One of their dark bars, also uses a small amount of vanilla, that doesnt overwhelm at all. Come by and taste them, here they are... Saturday Tasting Menu Askanya Perle Rare 90% Askanya Minuit 60% Askanya Wanga Nègès 50% Askanya Paradis 47% The Perle Rare (Rare Pearl), registering in at 90% is a fun ride. The cacao is really quite good, the texture is still in the works, but for a maker who just started and is making finished chocolate in Haiti (it is always harder to make chocolate at origin), this is an impressive bar. It is two ingredients, just Haitian cacao and Rapadou sugar. Minuit (Midnight) is a 60% with added sugar and some vanilla. It has no added cocoa butter, and once again, the texture is not ideal but the cacao is good! The vanilla is judiciously used, and the end bar is a lovely balanced bar.   Wanga Nègès (Hummingbird) 50% bar is made with Haitian cacao, Rapadou, cacao butter and milk. This bar reminds me of brown sugar, both in flavor, and also the texture of chewy brown sugar. Even though the texture is not perfect, I think this one totally works. It is comforting, and chewy and just so comforting. Paradis (Paradise) 47% has a smoother texture, good melt, and farm milky flavor. It has added sugar, cacao butter and milk. It is on the sweeter side, but there is something here for everyone. Ok, sorry to miss this tasting, but I didn't want to keep them from you, now that we have them in stock! Please enjoy. You can check out our adventures in India on Instagram, @chocolategarage if you want to live vicariously. Sunita

One thing for sure, I will be tasting lots of my favorite dishes, and trying new ones, as we wander around Kerala and Tamil Nadu... I will try to document and bring back my descriptions! 

Friday March 9th, come and meet Dr. Leissle, get your book signed and learn more about the geopolitics of cocoa. Use this code (LEI30) for a 30% discount. And please RSVP.