#(idk rn i think she's more of 'believe what you want because nothing is real anyways' but she'll get there dfkghsbjkdsjfhbd)

[milo-is-rambling]

Redyed my hair (a slightly deeper pink shade but basically the same) and now I’m laying in bed thinking about all the ways I’ve changed who I am and what I believe over the years and I don’t recognize who I was when I was young but I sympathize with them even more than I ever thought I could I just don’t think of those pictures of me as actually being me because my mind has always been this and I’m sure years from now I won’t recognize myself now because obviously my mind has always been whoever I am then

[ca-suffit]

yeah anon I don't want to publish ur specific ask for the reasons u said, but thank u for reminding me of this post. this post from nalyra-dreaming was part of the affirmative action drama and I think a lot of what's in this post got lost out being talked about because of that. so let's talk about it. let's comb thru this so ppl can rly understand nalyra's racism and what they're defending when they want to defend her.

first off, lol take ur own advice. but anyways. this way of speaking is crazy. this is why this whole group of besties put everyone off as time went on. that's why it's lol when ppl come to me saying nobody likes u, we prefer them. okay?? ur weird and u like being yelled at idk. these ppl read some dumb books and think they work on the show. they reference each other's fanon more than anything else. there's no discussions. they talk AT u. it's a bunch of ppl who want to be seen as smart and popular. that's it lol. "we've been trying to tell them" girl u don't work on the show stfu.

this bitch is a whole bitch. u act like u have been victimized by a black fan because you had a disagreement. u play up "I tried to listen and I agree too! poor me, THEY don't want to hear anything else but what THEY want to hear :(" and THEN u have the fckn audacity to say shit like why aren't u all listening to BLACK MAN JACOB ANDERSON. why aren't u listening to black fans? why are u here making this post to act like a victim to "mean" black fans who just don't listen to facts and logic and jacob anderson himself. why are u here twisting this shit up to pretend u have empathy for black ppl by stepping over everyone here (who does not have to filter anything for show press) and saying "actually ur all wrong and stupid and ur the REAL racists because u take away jacob and bailey's own voices."

this is a real level of fucking evil racist shit and why I'm spelling this out rly slow rn so u all understand.

"Louis is not chained to his coffin guys, he could have left, and a fight which shows off power discrepancies within the show story line is not automatically domestic abuse."

u jump thru so many hoops for lestat's defense it has made u dumb as fuck.

where was louis supposed to go? he's black, his family hates him, his husband is a demon spawn who stalks everyone down who tries to leave. who BEAT HIS ASS already at the *thought* that he'd even leave. that's not DV?? he could have left?? how are u like 50 years old and victim blaming like this and then saying u have authority over analyzing these books for the peasants here lol.

the favorite go to line from this dumb group is "they're monsters" "they're vampires." anne rice was famous in the first place for using iwtv to humanize vampires. I think she used this type of "logic" over time too tho and that's prbly where this comes from. it's a bad excuse tho. we're talking about DV but u say it's not DV and then say "they're all murderers anyway so nothing matters." girl the redemption isn't about vampirism, it's about whiteness. u big fucking dummies who can't talk about race always want to pretend this is about lestat being a vampire and how we're too stupid to understand vampires and monsters. the horror of lestat rn is his whiteness. the horror is the power that gives him as he's the least capable of rational thought in that whole "family" unit. he's ignorant, controlling, and quick to anger. he never tries to fix his ignorance, he makes excuses for all his behavior because he CAN. because society allows him to do that! louis and claudia can't make any mistakes or be forgiven because black ppl are not given that same grace. u can call lestat a monster because on a white man that's still an attractive quality. ppl LUV white serial killers and abusers so much and hype them up like they're galaxy brain heroes. calling a black person a monster is just every day. with no benefit. that's the one u rly believe is the threat and then u shoot to kill.

she's so dumb omfg. isolation doesn't mean put in an empty room. lestat wove himself into every aspect of louis' life so that louis could not exist without him. yes, on a level, louis was showing off his man, but u see how the "roots" take hold more and more over time. he's living in lestat's house, lestat is now the one driving the car. more and more lestat is telling them what they're doing and becoming critical of what louis will not give up. acting up v loudly when he doesn't get his way (he brings antoinette in when louis isn't "acting right" so he can torture louis at his job so he'll fix himself already, then he "allows" louis to see other people except now I'm gonna overreact about that too, now I've chased claudia off but btw did u know I've always had a big dick and u not being fun for me anymore is why all of this has ever happened??)

again with the evilness of trying to prove ur shit point by saying "if u disagree with me then u hate black people (jacob anderson) even tho I'm speaking over all black ppl here with this post." ok lestat lol. u are always trying to excuse lestat's actions for being what they are by saying there's a book reason behind it or saying louis or whatever black or brown character is the REAL abuser. do u think abuse has to be intentional to count as abuse? do u rly think lestat's actions are justified when he could have easily explained any of it without doing all that? his response to louis' depression is to do everything I wrote above. u think that's not abuse? u think that's not isolation? "be my companion" but he didn't mean emotionally. u don't think that's maybe the arc lestat is going to have to go thru to be a better partner to louis? what do u think his arc is then, louis just made it all up and soon we won't have to care about race and lestat has been a cool guy this whole time just kidding?? anne rice rly gave u a smooth ass brain.

I don't even know what this means. u all love to skip over points and just say "okay SWEETIE u just don't understand dark themes and monsters, u won't ever get it." okay U, SWEETIE, ur 50 years old, talk slow for me. I know u can do it. if u want authority then prove u know ur shit. a loud voice by itself doesn't do anything but yell. but this is all mama rice taught u tho. so here we are lol.

"everything is unreliable narration except for lestat who is always telling the truth because his egotistical crazy ass white woman author who wanted to be a white man so badly and wrote in his voice IRL to yell at ppl for real said he's telling the truth" u are all so crazy and racist and then u get big mad when ppl notice how crazy and racist u are lol. this gap between series airing has been annoying af but it's sure exposed ur asses because ur not smart like u think u are. when someone rly shows up and breaks down ur arguments to ur face and that is the sole reason I'm here, u all have nothing to say anymore. so fuck u lol enjoy this well earned fallout.

[isopodonanescalator]

Tell me ur thoughts about isttvg!!!!!!! Have you watched it????

YES YES YES I HAVE WWTCHED IT!!! its so good also i wanna start out by saying that 1) this is going to be a long rant apologizing in advance and 2) it’s been a long time since i watched it so idk how well this will be

putting a cut so not everyone has to read this all cuz it’s a lot😭

OKAY SOOO

umm one of my favorite things i find so inch resting is how Owen repeatedly breaks the fourth wall and talks to the audience like he doesn't believe the tv show was anything more than a tv show...but he knows he's in a movie? idk it’s either a plot hole or maybe like a writing choice that i don’t get??? idk man

ALSO ALSO ALSO as a film nerd the use of colors to communicate how Owen feels is SOO AUDJAOSOKE the one i noticed the most was blue, like theres lots of Blue on the screen when he's at the fair with his mom, on the walls at his work, and i some other scenes too but i’m not sure which ones because. yeah

also this isn’t really anything but in the first act, Owen tells Maddie on the bench that hes afraid of opening his insides and i think it was pulling them out with a shovel(?) only to find nothing.. and then at the very end is him opening his insides and getting that beautiful vision and i guess like. self-actualization kinda ffeeling. you know like. like feeling like whatever you want to do with your life is nothing and being afraid that youre truly hollow and all along you were delusional about your dreams which is why you should never commit (this is just a thought i always have whenever i think about this movie. it’s not really anything but like idc)

also i think she says something like, "don’t apologize" and that stuck with me regarding the ending. he keeps saying sorry just over and over and over again to these people who don't even see him or they just ignore him. to me that was like while he did have a moment of clarity, he did what he had always been doing. the whole thing like if you don't think about it isn't real? if that makes sense? he took like. a figurative step back and apologized, even though he had nothing to apologize for that was really sad tome

when the movie ends he says something like “i’m dying” or whatever and i feel like that’s a metaphor of what happens when you suppress who yo are for so long? idk

OMG AND "i found my heart, oh my god Isabel i found yours too. it was still beating. stored in an industrial freezer." GOOSEBUMPS GOOSEBUMPS GOOSEBUMPS! NEVER FORGETTING THAT LINE EVERRR

anyway that’s all i can coherently get out rn, this movie is. it’s just such a violent wake up call to be yourself and i love it so so so muchhh >.<

[spencerismyfav]

When i asked her "its been years, ive been doing this for years but it hasn't come", she replied to me "so are you having that desire or are you saying you are not". I was confused at first but then i came to the realisation.

You cannot change the mirror but yourself, if you keep saying it just to get it in the mirror ur missing the point. The whole point is to change yourself and the rest is unnecessary even if you didnt see it in the present moment.

You basically change your reality all the time and youll always be in the present moment. In this present moment, is ur parent in the same room as you? No. But do u assume that they sre here? Ofc. Its like that, even if you cant see your desires in 3d, does that mean it doesnt exist? No. But its just like ur parents, youll meet them soon or whenever they wabt but that doesnt mean they dont exist.

In this present moment they dont but once i go their room, they do exist. Just like your desire, for example, you want a magical powers right? If you assume that you can use your magic however you want and in this present moment you cant, does that mean you never be able to use it? No! It means that you have acknowledge that you have it, its just that in this present moment i dont use my powers.

Same goes for shifting, you assume that you can shift realities on command and however you want, in this present moment you are in a current reality, does that mean you never can shift? No! You are just acknowledging what you can do. Its not false or anything. Just like you acknowledge that theres going to be new day or tomorrow or next week and such. In this present moment it doesnt show you can shift but you assume that you can shift and this is why ladies and gentlemen 4d is the real and true reality.

Because how do u know that the sky is blue when u close ur eyes? How do u know u have a laptop when ur not holding it? How do u know that you have ur parents? How do u know u were in college last year? How do u even know that 2022 even exist? Exactly assumption!! Its not that hard lol 😭😭. So this is a reminder because ive been trying to manifest a car (idk why cuz i literally have money), you have a fucking car, you don't have to believe that its here but know that you have a car.

Because if i say its here, youll be like "where?" Lol no. You have a car but in a present moment you just cant see it, you are filthy rich but in this present moment you cant see it, the sky is blue and beautiful but in this present momebt you cant see, you can shift realities on command and however you want but in this present moment you cant see. Literally so much more but does that mean it doesnt exist? No. But in 3d yeah because you exist one at the time but thats why 3d is rubbish lmfao. 4d is a reality because thats where u shift realities, dobt believe me? Whats this then. Exactly, i assumed that ill type that and it came. I dont even need to assume it.

So when she said that, i think she meant, are you actually going identify that you dont have it rn? Because theres no proof in 3d, no proof in 4d, no proof whatsoever and it all lies with your assumption so are u actually going to say you dont have it?

Literally it made me think and shes right, even if i dont see it in 3d, does that mean i dont have it? No!! But u just cant see it thats why 4d exists and how do u know it exists (before you graciously overcomplicate yourself)? Assumption, intention, visualisation, affirmations, and just where subconscious mind lives lol.

Again, you are not your thoughts, nor your feelings, circumstances, body, mind or even soul, you are not your name, you are not the eyes that you can see, or ears that you can hear or hand that you can feel, nothing but an awareness so whatever is unfavorable to you whether is everything that i mentioned or more, instead of identifying it and claim it that its who you are, let it pass, acknowledge and let it go, dont identify it, dont participate in it, just let it pass, feel those feelings, think those thoughts, see those circumstances but dont identify it, dont say its yours.

Example: if you see that you want mcdonalds and you cant see it in this present moment, instead of identifying it and say you dont have it, assume that its going to come, it has already come just cant see it in this present moment or it came, ate and finished. So simple, no feelings involved, no thoughts involved, just assumptions.

Feelings doesnt matter if its not yours, dont identify because you thought that when u feel that, that means you are doing something wrong because you are not, you are not your feelings you are an awareness, a god, pure consciousness and limitless, so all of that does that mean you are your feelings? No. You are nothing but just an observant of your experience so dont worry about your thoughts, if you dont identify them, just let them pass.

Forgot to mention. I swear to god, to me and to everyone, there is no right or wrong, it doesnt exist, if you decide that you would go on strictly robotic affirm and the next day will be visualisation, no wrong with that. Even if you feel disbelief while saying affirm, as long as you decide to identify who u are, you are done!! Finito!! Basta lol. You are not doing anything wrong, like i said as long as you identify who you are like you say in your head "oh i shift realities all the time" for example and you remain loyal to that identification, its done, you are done, finished. Dw abt the rest, dw abt feeling wish fulfilled because you dont need it, u are done!!

[yj-98]

Ok can I be a hater too. Just for a sec.

Yeah fanon Tim and Jason can be pretty bad. But you know what the worse fucking thing is? Fanon Cass and Jason.

First of all the way some of them think that Cass and Jason gets along? At all? If Tim at most feels distant disdain and co-workership for Jason, Cass would straight up hate that bitch.

The thing is that Cass does not hate killers. She is pro-redemption. She does not care that you killed she believes that you can stop and be better. But I think what would set Jason out from the others is that he wants to make others kill as well. Mainly, Batman.

Cass would hate that. So much. Because Batman? Who is this big symbol for her that stands for everything she believes in? In helping people, in saving people, in giving it your all to do better and find another way.

It is different with Jason because I totally believe that Cass is down to work with people who think that in some occasions, you can do nothing but kill (Helena.... God I am so insane about the potential of a Cass and Helena relationship) but Jason fully believes that you should take the power of killing and direct it towards someone. To choose and paint a target on someone's back and shoot.

I do think that Jason's relationship is very complex and interesting and more than just "I kill people bc they deserve it" but for Cass it does not matter.

(Ok this is very long apologies 😣😣😣)

CAS UR ALWAYS WELCOME TO BE A HATER WITH ME!! u dont have to apologize ... ur so right . youll have 2 forgive me because i do tend to avoid fanon cass because the . rampant racism and misogyny makes me want to die. and i have not Yet read a whole lot w/ cass in it

this is related to what rus and i were talking abt in the replies to a post, esp what she was saying about like. especially cass would not stand his ass

i really do think that jasons ability to get along w/ cass (and tim) would hinge on his own journey. one that they have not rly given him in any meaningful way. bc ur right unless jason was working towards the change (ill be so real idk what theyre doing w/ him rn. i stopped paying attention to a lot of what dc writes w/ him post-resurrection) aside from the rubber bullets thing, it just.... does not respect her character motivations to have them just. Get along.

this is all also hinging of course on the direction of batfamily/wayne family writing. and like. whether or not you WANT them to get along eventually or for jason to have any sort of meaningful divergence from the motivations he had like. over a decade ago LOL............

this chasm between cass and him within the family could have a lot of weight if dc cared! the writing could be fun. if dc cared. like i said w/ the other stuff. there could be interesting arcs to be had if the characters had to work for some kind of resolution or common ground. in the meantime (or just as a baseline) i really feel like there should be someone who is the foil to jason amongst the 'kids' who can be the counter. it would just make for better writing overall

idk if any of that made sense but. i am shaking your hand.

[saintkaylaa]

"She’s still angry but tries to reason with him, but he knew he couldn’t return to his normal life."

Do you say this because he already knew that there would be no way for him to change his mind, or because having killed the entire village he could no longer possibly return to his normal life as if nothing had happened?

I personally like the pain of the idea that Suguru had a moment of lucidity just after killing the entire village, and that he was on pause for a while, knowing that if he showed his face the higher ups were going to sentence him to death, so he just kept pushing through with that mindset to kind of convince himself to really believe those things, all with the pain of the reality that he was never going to get Y/n on his side, but knowing that even if he didn't really had that mindset, there was no turning back.

What do you think?

Ps: I love love looooveee your mind rn, it's just like the ideas I've been having in my daydreamings lol i love how you link everything in your works and I'm definitely hoping you reach the 2k so you can get that little push and write those golden thoughts of yours down

Ly❣️

I think it’s a little bit of both honestly, I think knowing that canonically there was more or less a week in between the slaughter and then the confrontation between Satoru and Suguru definitely leaves room for that possibility. More under the cut!

In my opinion I think Suguru’s vision is inherently good but with evil executions and decisions. We have to remember that the start of Suguru’s decent started with protecting Riko Amani’s and after witnessing the effect it had on Satoru was devastating for him because Suguru loved him, and the final straw was Haibara’s death, someone he also cared about.

He wanted to change the world because he wanted a better world for the people he cared about. I’d be tired too if me and the people I loved died for the sake of saving people who didn’t even know that they were in danger to begin with. Without even so much as recognition.

I agree with nanami about understanding suguru’s actions and reasoning.

He believed in his vision. What gets me though is that he decided to go that route instead of just teaching non-sorcerers to control their curse energy. Like eradicating non-sorcerers seems like the more laborious option💀

It’s a real shame he didn’t get to hear what Yuki said about Japan holding the monopoly of cursed energy bc if he did, he probably wouldn’t have pursued the path he chose. But also at the same time why the fuck didn’t she also drop that information in there when she initially talked to him?💀 idk if she knew that then or what but that definitely would have deterred me from even thinking about eradicating non-sorcerers.

When Y/n goes to Suguru though, and she begs him to change his mind he knows that even if he wanted to he would face execution. But, if he died doing what he believed in then his death then would have been worth it.

[ziracona]

Gnawing biting scratching at your walls WHAT THE FUCK ZIRA THAT SCENATIO SOUNDS SO COOL poor j&j tho :( and yeah julie definitely came across as self aware with her dissasociation and idk if ill articulate this properly before sleeping but with the way u wrote and spoke about her its seemed like julie's spent a lot of her life in fear or unloved/mistreated/uncared for by partners or parents until the rest of the legion and later on jeff. It seemed like she became pretty present in The Big Escape chapter where she kind of snapped out of it due to (possibly?) Feeling fear again but also guilt towards jeff. And then later when realizing she was 'losing' susie. I am rotating the legion in my head rn

She has. She’s a very interesting and complex person. She mentions that she didn’t love Frank until the moment he killed a man for her, because she knew then that he was completely at her mercy, and he’d done it to himself in an unrecoverable way, by choice. Which made her believe he truly did love her. But also because she could tell he wasn’t sure what she’d do, which meant he saw her as a real, complete person, not some idea of one. For Julie, Frank is the first person who lets her be every part of her, and values them, even the scary ones or the bad ones. He does this often in an unhealthy way, absolutely, but it’s a crucial thing for others to allow you to do, and I think a lot of us would take a bad version over none at all. (In fairness to Susie, Susie did sort of that too, but Susie excused away any flaw or darkness as really something else. Frank saw the hungry, vicious part of her ready to eat a heart if pushed to return fire just the way Julie saw it, and liked it because he had it too.)

So she’s got an extremely complex relationship to herself. All of Legion handles Jeff wanting to take them in differently, with some amount of guilt (sincere remorse from Joey and worry it’s not enough, Frank’s statement it’s too late for them and this is wasted effort, and refusal to believe the situation), but Julie is the only one to reject the offer on Jeff’s behalf. She tells him if he keeps forgiving people like her so easily, someday it’ll get him killed. And pushes him several times to reject her, using his fear of her. She’s a very interesting woman. She’s also the one who tells Frank he has standards when he says he wouldn’t kill Joey for her, which he thinks is odd becuase that’s more basic humanness than any kind of goodness.

To Susie’s credit, though, and later Jeff’s, Julie was never as bad a person as she thinks she is. She is just afraid of herself, because she’s not at all like she’s supposed to be.

You’re right she has some moments she is much more clocked in—not always when she’s active though. During Kindred, she’s not when she’s fighting, not until Susie threatens to kill herself. No One But You has her at like 0% until she actively chooses to try and be introspective. Even then, she tends to pick things apart in her hollow way. Not because there is nothing there, but because she’s afraid to touch it enough to feel it real in her hands.

Oh and thank you! Yeah I loved the concept of that chapter.

[maria-eve-falcon]

The past is a happy place

Caution : this is a theory based on some psychics (I’ve linked the sources) and my gut feeling from the song tis the damn season and the fact that she wrote it when she was drunk (aaron said something like this) and the sheer rawness of the song. (and maybe this is also projecting) I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I just wanted to mention this cause 2 people , 3 times have almost mentioned this. Take everything with a grain of salt please as I myself don’t believe in everything psychics say cause they all talk about possibilities. this is a theory and I mean no harm or shade to anyone. And if you are planning on reading, this will be LONG

https://youtu.be/rHfQb5N4U7I?t=335 ( secret crush) (click and you’ll know what I’m talking about)

https://youtu.be/nktwP_c085c?t=272 (an ex she keeps checking on)) (click and you’ll know what I’m talking about)

So, I always thought celebs tend to reminsce the time before they got famous as a good time because fame takes their ‘normal’ away. So, they tend to idealize their past. Everything I say next will be based on this mostly so buck up!(if you plan on reading, obviously)

Maybe during re recordings she remebered these feelings again maybe (ik , I heard it but it’s just a thought ) about that person in her home town. 

Maybe she kept thinking about the ‘what ifs’ . that ‘normal’ that she rejected. That road not taken. That innocent times of being in love when you don’t worry about anything. I feel she still idealizes that as ‘perfect love’ or ‘looks real good now’ or ‘the warmest bed’ 

So, when she was in an actual, her reality’s lifestyle adult relationship and they had problems (lmao lbr nothing is perfect . not fighting or having no arguments ever is as abnormal as picking fights without reasons) she kept thinking if she was in her hometown maybe.. Just maybe things.. Would be.. Simple. And innocent. That’s why we never forget these young love moments. Those are the simpler times.

So while I think she was ready to settle, she had her doubts. And joe knew about them. I feel, he at least got a hint of that . 

Besides she seems like bit of a commitmentphobe to me.(imo, and idt it’s her fault for being a bit) Because lbr, after paper rings, it’s hard to think joe wouldn’t think about proposing (he doesn’t strike me at all as commitmentphobe but he maybe a bit too specially where his career is rn kinda normal) and if he didn’t propose after that! They must have talked about it or the relationship wouldn’t go on for almost 4 more years after lover. (I am aware of her wanting kids and wanting to get married since forever but something always seemed off to me ) 

So whenever there were fights or something needing to be sorted out she went back to those ‘we were happy’ idealizations. 

Now about this ‘ex she checks on’ , ‘ secret crush she has’ mentioned by antphrodite (sp?) in the first two vids and ‘ a person from work she has a crush on’ from that blog I linked could be anyone, but tis the damn season kinda gave me vibes like it could be a normal person who will become the person she needs and wants to be with. (i’m not ruling out joe either) . that or not, it’s defs not matty (idk how the blogger I linked got the idea that matty is gonna be a good person all on a sudden, he doesn’t even seem to understand what he did was wrong and people can be hurt by people’s words. I mean someone from work doesn’t essentially have to matty. Look at their compatibility! Harry is more compatible with her! And harry is her least compatible ex if not conner ) 

Please be reasonable. And idk or think the guy she has a crush on is compatible either tho.judging by my theory , he is a normie. And that will never work for her.  Period. She’ll always endure a lil bit of fame (also who knows if the other person can take her everything.yk) now if this guy can make her literally hide with him , maybe . or she wants to stop all of it just sit somewhere and make occasional music. Or maybe they could work! Who knows?! 

But I feel he is just not compatible with her . but she keeps thinking back and forth bout him cause she just can’t let go of the ‘road not taken’ and her ‘what ifs’

Also her way of moving on is weird. She gets into rlts real quickly after one (never leave well enough alone) ,lbr. Which can lead to having a lot of unresolved issues with her exes and , the biggest one, herself. That may be a barricade to let someone actually completely be just a happy memory i.e. letting someone go. Cause lbr, if you have unresolved issues about a rlt , these thoughts may come back and what ifs too! She is not a very ‘owning up’ person , so there is that. She needs to sort things big time actually. 

[gogomeaty]

the hierophant + death + the tower!

Tarot questions

the hierophant: do you believe in ghosts?

I do belive in them but i never had any paranormal experience like happening to me. But i have a somewhat funny story from when I was in middle school.

This may sound crazy or not too much really now thinking about it but my middle school best friend used to "see" ghost and she always told me what they were doing, I knew their names and everything like if the 6 of them were real people I could only knew from her. It was like this for 3/4 years so my other friend who also knew about them and me became friends with the ghosts and now like i know it was probably all made up from her but i really have appreciation of the 6 of them jsjsksjsjka, specifically the little boy who "collected" pesetas for me and now whenever I see the pesetas it remind me of him.

Also the ghosts supposedly used to follow my other friend and me when we went home, we made plans for who would go with who and everything lmao. But what is funny is one time two of them went back home with me and I went to the kitchen but when i came back to my room everything was messed up and the window suddenly was open and it leave me very like "???" but then i remember about the ghosts and i was like "ah yeah" and continue with my day like if nothing happened jsjssjsks. I don't talk with said friend anymore and at this day i don't know what was all that but like i said I had appreciation for the ghosts so i like to think they were real....

probablemente eran amigos que se hizo por tanto trauma o qué se yo pero taba chiquillo y le creí x literalmente a veces las conversaciones solo trataban sobre ellos y lo que estaban haciendo mientras estábamos en clases, ya en prepa casi no los mencionaba así que no sé /shrugs

death: what are three things you want to do before you die?

☆ I know it is probably so corny and typical, but having a bf or gf in real life because I want to know what it feels to be in a relationship; a good and healthy relationship. Because I have had bfs before online and I don't have anything against online dating I like it and if the opportunity presents again i would not though of it too much but those relationships were not good at all so yeah.

A good and healthy relationship would be the first thing.

☆ Then it would be traveling to somewhere outside México and not USA, I want to go beyond that but I don't know exactly to where, probably Greece or Spain to meet the family I have there idk.

☆ And for the last thing would be doing all the thing I have never done before because of fear or shyness like cosplaying or singing like seriously in front of my family on a special event or something, i probably have more but i don't have anything in mind rn sorry jsjsk.

the tower: favorite colors to wear?

I wear black almost like 24/7 but i also love green (i only have one green outfit) and I want to have browns outfits but i haven't found anything ☹️

[32flavorsotbbg]

8.25

I am aggressively okay lmao

I believe deeply that nothing that is meant for me can pass me by. It’s so weird to feel that way.

Like when I really think about it yeah sure it’s like, instant ick because I feel bare. Vulnerable.

But it’s something I’m prone to, especially while sober, and I’m aware of that.

When all is said and done I want to know I have found someone who is my caliber. I am open to that not being him.

Honestly life alone is really great as well. Like I said, aggressively okay.

I really like who I am. Like despite my flaws, I have compassion for myself now (that definitely has its own process that is not perfect by any means). I feel like allowing myself to sit with the shame of repeating a pattern 😬😬 just kinda makes me stronger in my resolve to be better at 1) being more conscious of when I’m doing that, and trying not to do it; and 2) have some mother fucking boundaries. I knew better than that, I KNEW better than that.

I didn’t want to have that “what do you think of this” conversation like let it be what it is? By analyzing it you’re robbing yourself of experience, one. Two, you’re fucking married?? What do you mean what do I think? I think this is a mess but I like the way you feel??

But also, I gotta like more than that… and I don’t think it’s smart to learn to like certain things.

I think I don’t know you at all. I think you’re married. I think we started having a conversation a month ago and somehow now it’s this.

Adreana called me today and we were talking about this and at one point she’s like “I don’t see how you’re not mad, I would be so mad. That’s why I’m like checking in, because like I just know I’d be so mad”

And I didn’t have anything for her. I’m not mad, I’m not hurt. I know there have been many times I have also withdrawn and I needed that time to become who I am. How could I be mad at that?

The shit sandwich thing I could go without. I’ll take the shit, no sandwich. I need direct. God I just had a flashback to trying to get soda at the movies like just pick one? I apologize I was just rocked by that. Me apologizing to myself is taking me out rn.

Anyway yeah. Maybe I’m not asking the right questions.

Idk what to make of all this.

Like, he said multiple times he doesn’t want me to feel like he doesn’t want me. So what am I to make of that? Because this kinda starts to feel like he’s got that same ick and he’s not being direct. That’s probably me hella projecting.

But you know what if I was asked the right questions, I’d be direct. Cause idk what to just spew out, nor do I want to just kinda like yap about shit I don’t like about someone or have a problem with.

It feels like he picked up a scent and he’s triggered. For whatever reason, maybe he can feel that I like the idea of him but I still don’t know him. So that kinda changes the dynamic just a smidge. Because shit can still get real. Like I’m not so lost in the sauce that I can’t be woken up to shit like this.

And all of it means not very much to me and I don’t know if I should be concerned or not. It doesn’t feel unhealthy, it feels detached. I’d rather be here than really torturing myself over whether or not things were gonna work out. I don’t have an attachment to it.

I don’t know him. I want to! But I don’t and it looks like things are gonna be weird for a lil minute. I don’t want to treat him differently but idk how to be. Do I go bro mode or just menacingly neutral? Aggressively okay?

I just don’t know how to portray that in a subtle and kind way. I’m gonna have no issue acting right in the moment. It’s just my inner condition I’m trying to manipulate. How do I shape my heart to be quiet?

Cause we clearly can’t be trusted lol she gets to talking and I get to nodding and it’s just over from there.

I love the lovey dovey phase. Maybe we’ll get a meaningful one next time.

Or maybe not, because I do not know that man and also he is married. Good god help me. Make him go away if he is not for me. Make him leave me alone if he is not for me.

[echoesofadream]

for the asks

1, 16, 19 <3

hi <3

what’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

it is a bit hard to say what is the best advice i've ever been given but i can say a good advice is that of a cbt therapist gave me when she was intermittently seeing me after screening me for autism and i was waiting to get evaluated at a psychiatry where they would do a real assessment for diagnosis. i do not have a good experience with cbt, it's never worked for me, but we were basically talking about thoughts, and how do you know whether you can trust your brain? because if there is a fire and you touch, your brain tells you to withdraw your hand and you do, so you learn to trust your brain. but then the brain tells you many many things and not all of them are true. and she said telling these things apart can be extra difficult for people on the spectrum. and for me until that point which was in 2022, so i was 21 years old, had never questioned a single thought of mine. i did not understand that there was a difference between what i believed and actual truth. not as in i never changed my beliefs but i never questioned my own thoughts. okay so there is a difference between thoughts and thoughts here... i mean more like impressions? In a situation and I got a certain impression, I believed this to be truth instead of a projection of my own thoughts.

it's a very well known mind trap in CBT therapy especially with regards to social anxiety that you can read other people's minds. the thing is though i did not even realize this was a mind trap because i didn't know it was a thought i had rather than just fact. Well anyways this therapist took out a paper and wrote down a thought, and then she showed me i could replace that thought with literally anything, like oranges are yellow or whatever i wanted because the thought is meaningless and not real. i don't know but something just clicked for me. this was really helpful though i don't know if it's changed much about my life because i still get insecure and feel like other people are thinking the same thing that i think about myself. but at least I know it's not the case. it's not really advice persay more like a realization and a way to question my thoughts or understand what they are, the writing down and just scribbling down thoughts and playing around with them on paper was an advice she gave me that helped understand this.

wow... that got long sorry. there's probably good advice i've gotten that i've forgotten, this was what came to mind rn.

2. what is a skill or talent you’ve completely lost or overlooked? why did that happen?

hmm... i feel like those questions are quite different. i've probably lost most of my math "skills". i've never been a natural math and numbers are still my enemy. but when i got older like starting from 7th grade i started taking math more seriously. in 8th and especially 9th grade i started to understand it and like it. then i started swedish equivalent of high school but its more like a fusion of hs and college, age 16 to 19 (for me, depending on when you're born in the year) and i went to the natural science program. and basically i went into a frenzy started to study math every day and did so for three years more or less, i took math 1-5 (this means nothing to anyone who hasn't gone to swedish school ik). then i studied maths for a little less than a semester after graduating, starting with introduction to math which was awesome and then one variable analysis (envariabelanalys) which was also awesome. did start a course called like algebra and geometry but i didn't understand vectors and i couldn't give it the time i needed because i was also busy with other classes that were incomprehensible to me and i dropped out. this was november 2020, and since i have not done math like. once. so it is pretty safe to say it's all gone even though doing all that math probably altered my brain chemistry. yeah i'd say i've probably completely lost it.

idk any skills or talent i've overlooked. i'd have to think about it.

19. tell me something you don’t like telling the people you are close to.

that i can have pretty violent psychopathic thoughts.. and don't really care about things that i should. like i'm not a good kind person, i'm very selfish and don't care about other people like i should. my thoughts are very cruel and judgmental. i don't like telling people i know irl about how i live mostly in daydreams and things and that reality does not interest me. my general philosophy and way i view things or the way i live. my fanfiction or writing. how really obsessed i am with some things like kpop. and how bleak my life is. i also don't like telling people about my desires and like how lonely i feel. i also don't like telling people how i feel about religion because i grew up in a very cold atheist place and family whereas i'm more questioning and sometimes pray.

Thank you <33 i'm sorry this got so long

[television-pil0t]

Also the reason I was seen to be schizophrenic was mostly because when I was going though it 🤭(that’s not funny at all I lost all my friends) I was having all the schizophrenic symptoms when I was psychotic/ still am it takes a week or something idk. Still taking my meds even tho a good part of me is telling me to stop being there bad I’m gonna ignore it because that’s literally textbook psycho.

I think my last diagnosis was being schizoaffective. I have to ask my parents for the paper because I’m genuinely curious.

I’m pretty like 99% sure I’m diagnose schizoaffective because of how much it was talked about like “are you ok with this.” But also just the very very violent nature of me kinda pushed it a lot. If it’s not aspd it’s definitely bpd and schizoaffective. It would explain both the loss of emotions yet the full scale emotional range. The anger, the violent thoughts, the depression, the hallucinations and delusions I have on a very frequent basis. And the mania since bpd didn’t have manic episodes it has euphoric episodes but I do experience mania from time to time.

They also gave me some Anticonvulsants with I haven’t taken but they control violent behavior and mood swings so 🤷🏽‍♂️

They also talked to my parents about more than just therapy but full of skill training which i didn’t even know that was a thing but it’s basically like a group that teaches you how to show emotions and interact with other humans in a human way. How to react to things. How to.. be normal basically.

But yeah. So

So I don’t think I have aspd because I’ve genuinely loved people before. Exhibit A is my MOTHER as exhibit B is everyone else in my damn life. I just forget what the feeling is like and then forget I ever felt it and then spiral from them. It’s more of a me thing and how I genuinely need to think like a normal person and stop wanting to be actually.. worshiped but yeah.

I loved my mommy even tho she did bad things.

I love my friends even though I have no internet to them almost all the time.

I loved all my exs.. including Simon, khye… actually that’s it. Everyone else sucked it was only them..

Edit: so.. reading over everything I said for the past very long time of saying how much I wanna hurt Simon and kill my parents.. I should’ve been.. checked in.. a very.. very.. very long time ago. :/

“I can’t believe that faggot would treat me like this I’m gonna bash his brains in” is NOT normal💯🅱️🫵🏾 it was very clear that I was having a episode for a very long while.

Cuz at first I was like “what the fuck like this episode was so short like a few days.” Bro look around💀 look at your leg. Look at your tumblr. You talked about killing this person so much you forgot you felt the emotion love bro. It wasn’t a few days.

Thinking about it MORE I remember having a conversation with him (kinda remember) where I was like “I just don’t remember anything that happened today. I don’t fucking know lol” what was the funny part about that sentence babe🤨 we’re waiting to laugh.

“I never loved him.” Bro a few days ago you typed a poem about how much YOU DID love him? What are you on rn?? NOTHING AND THAT WAS LITERALLY THE ISSUE. What do you mean you never loved your mother. Bro be so fuckin fr that was your day 1 hold it down one and only homie till y’all die bonnie and Clyde bitch right there. You did everything for her💀 your only alive because of her. Whatchu mean?

“I never loved daemon.” Yes. Ya did.

“I never loved Simon.” Bro it was 3 years where you cut and cried over him for a few.. DAYS. Let’s be fr babe🤭 I know you where having a really bad episode for a few months but let’s come back down to reality. Be real. It was 3 years and you literally DIDNT wanna break up with him. You said take a break because your stomach PHYSICALLY was HURTING at the thought of breaking up with him💀 try that shit again bitch ass nigga and I will beat the sit outta you (talking to myself.)

[windsweptlassie]

On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners: 

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves: 

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love: 

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters: 

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose: 

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

[allhailthewicked]

Random JATP Headcannon: Reggie Pep-Talking Julie

 Disclaimer: Hey y’all there’s a lotta negative self-talk and body image stuff in this long and chonky puppy (like a dachshund). Am I just simply projecting in this headcannon? Si señores, señoras, y señoritas ...umm chile anyway so... on to the angst and fluff.

Julie is a bad bitch.

And we love that for her. But every bad bitch has a few weaknesses. Like popping balloons or falling for a ghost who died in 1995 or being afraid that you are going to lose everyone you’ve ever cared about. But there are days when Julie’s biggest weakness is her body. Then again Julie loves her body, she loves how her hair curls and how it frames her, and even though it can be a pain in the ass, she loves it. She also loves her smile and the gap between her teeth and how musical her laugh is. She loves how she can pull off a blazer and a dress and how her eyes sparkle in the sun. She loves how clear her skin is and her brows and her height and everything but some days she doesn't. But some days she looks in the mirror and cringes at what she sees.

Ha, it's funny to think that I can pull this off.

I'm too much of this and not enough that.

I don't really love how I look in this.

Maybe I should just change

These thoughts often seem to be swirling around in Julie's brain. But sadly those aren't the worse thoughts she has that award goes to thoughts like:

Luke would never fall for a lifer like you.

and

He’s way too good for you. Maybe you'll have better luck if you're prettier

Julie sighs flattening her crop top grabbing her sides before quickly opting to change into a longer looser shirt. She grabbed her phone from her nightstand shooting a text to Flynn.

Trouble #1💜: hey love! you free rn? i’m having a terrible bbd today and i need a distraction and a hug

Trouble #1💜: and maybe a good cry

Trouble #2💕: aww girlie i would love to but i’m in colorado at my aunt’s wedding reception

Trouble #1💜: oh shit. i’m sry i forgot.

Trouble #1💜: no thoughts head empty only body negativity

Trouble #1💜: how’s the wedding? did stacy cry when your aunt came down the aisle?

Trouble #2💕: don’t worry about it jules. a certain dead ghost boy has haunted your brain cells maybe you can go to him. i’m sure he’ll love the cuddles 😉😉😉

Trouble #2💕: stacy bawled btw but so did aunt hilda and dad pretended that he didn’t, but we all know he loves seeing hilda happy.

Trouble #2💕: it’s so fucking freezing. but the dress was absolutely gorgeous tho

Trouble #1💜: cuuuteee love that for them. well, i have to go guys maybe practice a song or two. but luke was kind of the one who started this. idk i’m just going to try and get through the day so i can rush back to my room and rewatch New Girl or something

Trouble #2💕: WHAT DID THAT BASTARD DO?!?!?!

Trouble #2💕: I WILL COME DOWN FROM COLORADO TO BEAT HIS ASS!!!

Trouble #1💜: He did nothing. I’m just overthinking ya know. Like I’m not worth it. He doesn’t need me. I don’t deserve him

Trouble #2💕: jules i’m going to be real with you. HONESTLY HE DOESN’T DESERVE YOU!!!! but he does look at you like you’re his source of life so don’t let this dead, paler than wonder bread boy hurt you!!! he’s so lucky to have you in his life.

Trouble #2💕: you are a gorgeous girl!!!! stunning. an absolutely beautiful, smart, and amazing person!! everybody lights up when you walk into the room. but you know who lights up the most. mr. boo-berry music man simping cute bright dead eyes looking ass.

Trouble #2💕: but maybe you should talk to alex if you don’t believe me. sadly he seems like the himbo with the most emotional knowledge. so maybe talking to him will help. but promise me you’ll take care of yourself love

Trouble #1💜: I promise. flynn imma just wear a bigger sweatshirt and pretend that i’m okay instead of feeling like I want to wrap myself in a blanket. it’ll be all good. gtg bye love you :)

Trouble #2💕 : THAT’S NOT HEALTHY!!! but please do take care of yourself. i’ll be back soon and i’ll talk to you later💕.

Julie grabs an old Orphuem hoodie that belonged to her mom, slipping it on noticing how she still hasn’t quite grown into it. Walking past her mirror one more time Julie scrunches her nose not appreciating how her tight jeans look on her. In fact, she doesn’t like how her nose looks today. 

Fuck I hate when I feel like this. Maybe Flynn is right. I should probably talk to Alex and at least try to avoid Luke. He doesn’t need to see me like this.

Sighing, she makes her way over to the garage. She opens the door only to see Reggie intensely focused on playing the riff he was working on for their new song.

“Is Luke around? I need to snatch up Alex, but I don’t want him to see me and worry,” she asked, starting to giggle when he snapped out of his trace as a small yelp left his lip.

Reggie spotted Julie’s Orpheum hoodie not noticing how much his eyes widened.

Julie cocks her head at the gaping Reginald before realizing he was staring at her hoodie. “It was my mom’s,” Julie whispered as Reggie nodded along, “she used to work there in college. Mom and her best friend, my Tia Maria were waitresses there. But I’m getting distracted, is Alex here? I just really need to talk to him and his dumb emotional availability.” 

“Well, it’s Alex and Willie’s 6-month anniversary, so I hope he’s not around here. But he’s like at the beach with Willie being all mushy.”

“Oh wow, they’re so cute together! He’s definitely seemed so happy since he met him,” Julie said, truly proud of her drummer but not completely masking her disappointment of not having anyone to talk to.

“Yeah, he's more free now. Plus it gives me and Luke the opportunity to rag on him on how easily he flushes when Willie teases him. But you don’t need to worry about lover boy or your lover boy,” he says while waggling his eyebrows at her. 

Julie sadly laughs trying to hide her face from the boy. As Reggie seemingly oblivious continued “Luke is at his parents. He’s been going more often trying to find sneaky ways to leave his song. Some unpublished songs Julie. He has never done anything like that since you went to his parent’s house with him. The closure is cathartic for him,” he whispered, putting down his bass. “He loves seeing his mom’s face light up when she finds another song. But you seem down Julie, what’s wrong?”

“Oh it’s nothing Reggie don’t worry about it,” Reggie cocks an eyebrow at her with a concerned look on his face. Julie looked away sighing, putting on her hood before continuing on, “I’m just a little under the weather and just needed someone to talk to, but it’s fine. I’ll be fine. I will be fine in a few hours. But don’t worry, and please don’t tell Luke.”

“Well Julie you can talk to me,” Reggie pauses puts down his bass putting his hands behind his head, legs cross, frowning slightly, “Believe it or not I can be a little insightful but seriously Julie you’re like my little sister and I hate to see you like this.”

Reggie taps on the spot on the couch next to him motioning for Julie to sit down.

“I’m not going to force you to tell me anything but if you need someone to talk I here when you are ready,” And with that, Reggie picked up his bass and started to work on what seems like a new song.

Together they sit in this calming silence as Reggie starts to pluck away at this melody taking notes of what chord progressions work and what doesn’t while Julie quietly points at chords. This goes on for about five minutes until Julie finally says something.

“Fine okay you need to promise me that you won’t tell Luke because he’ll try and fix this, and he’ll probably make me feel worse,” Reggie quickly nods before putting his fist out giving her a promise fist bump. Julie wetly laughs at this before taking her hood off, running her hands through her hair.

“You know for years I’ve waked up and then immediately looked in the mirror and some days I loved what I see those days are good. I love how I look and how I feel, and I’m just happy. But some days I don’t... some days I look in the mirror and I just see every single flaw I have, and I just want to hide in my bed and not let anyone see me. Some days I feel like I don’t deserve you or Luke or Alex or Flynn or even my family. I just look into the mirror, and I’m like why would anyone stand to look at me. And you know today is one of those days. When Mami was alive she would call a day like today a BBD. It was a code for bad body day or day when we would just wear matching hoodies, cuddle, and binged movies without telling Dad what was wrong. But he understood, he understood that Mami would take care of it and that she understood what I was going through. We did it so often until she you know... that I don’t know how to tell my dad about it. Like him making me hot chocolate like he used to won’t make going away,”  Julie sighed wiping the quickly forming tears from her eyes. Julie turned away from the concerned, so he couldn’t see how close she is to completely breaking down.

Reggie wrap his fettuccine arms around Julie pulling her into a warm hug that smelled like the lemon-lavender bath and body works body wash she bought him for the shower in the garage. The was comforting which led to Julie letting her guard down, shoulders shaking as she heavily sobbed into her undead friend’s shoulder as he rubbed her back. After she was seemingly cried out she looked up at Reggie, who looked wide eyed at her.

“I’m sorry I snotted all over your flannel. God that’s so disgusting. I’m just going to go to bed and just mope and watch Netflix. Thank for being a shoulder I could lean on. I’m sorry that I was just being annoying,” Julie whispered as she tried to wipe away the snot only to make a bigger mess.

"Hey hey hey it's okay Julie I can just wash it or like blame it on ghost ectoplasm. Julie do we leak ectoplasm?"

Julie laughed wetly as Reggie frantically looked to see if he was oozing before realizing that he was getting distracted. She quickly noticed the major shift in demeanor change as he seriously looked at her.

"Julie you are beautiful and I know that you don't feel like that now but you will eventually. And I know that you don't want me to fix you and I won't because I can't. And I know you might want to try to impress Luke with how you look or just think that your looks are all that Luke that think about, but I am his best friend and I know that he would be head over fucking heels gone for you. Even if you look like whatever a Jar-Jar looks like he would see you as the light of his world. He is in love with you and your soul and you deserve that love. But you deserve self love even more. Julie you are not a thing to be looked at then judged. You are a person with feelings and  personality and a story, a story to tell. Your body looks the way it does because of all the things you've experienced in life. Julie I know this all may sound meaningless coming from me but you are literally one of the strongest people I know and I know you can through. You will not be less strong if you reach out for help. You might be my favorite Molina but talking to Ray is smarter than you think and he can help. I just hate seeing my sister hurt like this," Reggie said before yelping as he noticed that Julie had started to bawl again.

"Wait Julie no I'm sorry. Was that too much. God I know you said I shouldn't try to fix things. I should've kept my dumb mouth closed and not bring up Ray. I'm sorry Julie don't cry," Reggie rambled nervously rubbing her back

“No no no no Reggie you didn’t say too much. You just shocked me honestly but like in a good way. I mean I can’t say that I will believe everything you said. But thank you Reg. Thank you I am so glad that you are in my life. You’re my favorite Peters and you are much smarter than other people give you credit for,” Julie says laughing at Reggie’s bright smile.

“I mean need them to underestimate me sometimes. But let’s watch something together to at least make your BBD a little better.”

Julie smilies quickly nodding before putting on the first episode of the Mandalorian and snuggling close to the older brother that she never had. 

Julie felt okay to say the least for the next couple of weeks her next BBD hit her. Julie sighed pushing herself off the bed looking in the mirror that is covered in encouraging notes from her Dad, Reggie, and Flynn. She sighed about to leave her room to go talk to her Dad again about what was going on before she notice a hoodie on the bed. It was a fleece lined hoodie that was left on her bed folded her bed saying ‘Uke I’m your father’ on it. 

Reggie Julie sighed shaking her head smiling as she picked up the little note that was left with it 

‘I knew that you said that you and mom had matching hoodies for your BBD’s so here’s one that we can wear together. I mean only if you want to I know it was something you and your mom did so I don’t want to butt in on a tradition. But it could be like a signal that you’re having a BBD. I don’t know it might be stupid but I hope you like it.’

Julie smiles at the slight awkwardness of the note before slipping on the hoodie

A/N: HEY IT’S ME AGAIN WITH THE ANGST FOR THE SECOND TIME IN LESS THAN A WEEK!!! Idk what it is but every time I write something for this fandom it turns into angst. Am I sadist? Ehhh wouldn’t be surprised but idk I think I went through something writing this lol. Also I’m sorry if some the dialouge is cringe I’m tired and I really wanted to post befire I got distracted. Anyway please let me know if you want to be added to my taglist down below by either replying to this post, reblogging this post, or sending me an ask! I would appreciate reblogs and feedback because I love reading your guy's comments and tags they seriously make my day!!! but it's fine if you don't want to :)

~✨My Taglist Isn’t Under the Cut Tonight Lol✨~

@poppin-peters, @sunset-bobby, @theobligatedklutz, @soupforfree, @iamthefryiestfrench-blog, @fiddlepickdouglas, @gay-ghosts-committing-crimes

[prinxlyart]

How do you think some of the other parents would react to the blight parents journey to redemption/being fully redeemed? I think it would certainly be shoking at first and they'd be skeptical because of how much of a reputation the blights have built

Ooooo this is a good one I like it okay let’s see

Willow’s Dads

I think Willow’s dads have an especially sour attitude towards the Blight parents just because of Willow’s personal history with Amity and those 7 years of non-stop depression their daughter suffered because of Alador and Odalia’s actions. They’re extremely skeptical of the Blights trying to “turn over a new leaf” and are convinced they’re only saying so because they want to get something out of it. They’re also both especially protective of the Blight children after they’d originally escaped the manor simply because what the ever loving fuck did those two sorry excuses for witches think they were doing to these kids???????

After Willow explains why Amity stopped being her friend all those years ago, her dads sort of. Accidentally adopt? Amity? Sort of? They legit tell her that she’s welcome to stay with them any time and for as long as she needs if she ever has any trouble, etc etc, and no joke they offered their little 2-bedroom flat to the blight kids when they were first discussing their escape plans. They wanted to be absolutely certain these kids would have a safe place to go the moment they flew the coop.

They love Luz. No question. Okay, maybe one question: why is she so insistent that she try to make those good for nothing Blight Socialites see the error of their ways? Their heads are so far up their own vain asses; they consider Luz’s newest quest to be an impossible one. They’re rather surprised when Luz reports back that her talk with the Blight parents actually went in her favor. They still won’t believe it until they see it though, which Luz concedes is fair. It’s not until Camila (who they also love) also reports back weeks later that she made them cry and that they bound themselves in an everlasting oath to Luz that they were going to do better that they finally believe it.

They defo still don’t like it, but yknow. They’re trying? Which is more than they could say of most of their childrens’ lives? And it’s extremely tense; even though all of the Blight children are adults now, these two Very Good Dads (still with no names; please Dana I’m begging you) find themselves acting as chaperones occasionally to the Blight kids when they meet up with their parents. Usually when it involves Amity (as she’s the future daughter in law), but they also don’t hesitate when Edric or Emira ask for their backup as well.

Viney’s Parent(s)

I’ve seen a lot of fanfics where Viney only has one parent and I don’t know why that’s so common. Regardless, Viney’s parent(s) would be fucking livid at the Blight parents. Not only did they openly criticize their daughter (viney) to her face, but also just the years of shitty parenting they inflicted upon their daughter in law and her siblings??? Super not okay. In fact, they were so spiteful, it was a common theme muttered under their breath at Viney and Emira’s wedding. Viney’s parent(s) could almost constantly be heard whispering something about how glad they were that Odalia and Alador weren’t there or how disapproving they would’ve been at any display of affection the newlyweds would share. Long story short, they fucking hate the Blight parents. Where Willow’s dads are much like Willow in that they would let their anger simply simmer and fester like a dark storm on the horizon, Viney’s parent(s) would be the vicious winds of the storm fast-approaching.

Similarly to Willow’s parents, they offer the Blight kids their home if they ever need it. I’m not sure if Viney has siblings or not but regardless, they’d figure out at least three different bedroom solutions for the Blight kids if they ever needed their help with anything.

As much as Viney’s parent(s) love the Blight kids and want to protect them, they actually find planning Viney and Emira’s wedding as the only parent(s) rather difficult. Although that lasts for all of five minutes before the doors are blown off their hinges and Willow and Luz’s parents (and parental figures) burst in like a super hero squad. These adults all want to make sure all of the Blight kids are happy, not just the one that associates with their respective daughters. It just adds fuel to the fire when all of these parental figures show up and the Blight parents don’t.

When they do show up while they’re all trying to plan out our girls’ triad wedding, Viney’s parent(s) have nothing but cold, venomous hatred in their heart(s). How dare they try to reinsert themselves into Amity’s life at a time like this???? It actually takes everyone in attendance of this wedding planning meeting to keep them from just ripping the Blights to shreds where they stood.

Everyone Loves and Respects Camila Noceda. It’s like an unspoken law in the Boiling Isles (and probably also in the human realm, but we’re not there rn). As soon as Camila explains why the Blight parents are even allowed to be at the meeting is because of their willingness to change and the effort they’ve already put in to making amends with their children, Viney’s parent(s) back down. But they don’t stop seething.

I don’t think they truly believe the Blights are in it for their family and not for some other ulterior motive until the day of the wedding. Like, it literally takes Alador walking his daughter down the aisle and taking his seat and just dissolving into tears for them to actually believe they’re here for their daughter. They see Odalia holding his hand tightly and dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief which is more emotion than they’ve ever seen from Odalia Blight ever. They’re only finally convinced that the Blight parents are capable of changing during the wedding itself. After that point they go much easier on them.

Luz’s Family

I think Eda and Lilith have more personal ties with the Blight parents. We know they all at least went to school together and likely have interacted in the past. Lilith much more recently as the Ex-Head of the Emperor’s Coven and likely actively checking in with other coven heads and their immediate subordinates while also attending to her coven leader duties. I think if they hadn’t been witnesses to Camila ripping them to shreds, they would find it hard to believe too.

Whether or not they believe it, they have very little faith in Alador and Odalia’s ability to actually change much. Or at least, Lilith has the least amount of faith. Eda’s got faith in the Nocedas wedgie-ing those stuck-up Blights into acting like civil witches. And if anyone can melt some ice-cold hearts, it’s the Nocedas. Eda trusts her girls.

Lilith doesn’t not trust them, she’s just worked professionally with them in essentially the same office as them (probably different departments) for the last 20-30 years and hasn’t seen them change once. They seemed somewhat happier in the workplace after their children were first born, but they kept themselves strictly professional at all times. Unless, of course, they were bragging about what new accomplishment their children had achieved. All this to say, the Blight were not so easily swayed.

I think between the Bligjt parents and Lilith there’s a lot of like? Reciprocal Validation in their progress to be Better? Like, Alador and Odalia look to Lilith as a sort of example for someone that used to be in their position thats spent the last several years working hard to change all of that and be worthy of Luz and Eda’s time and attention (and respect. Sometimes Luz still struggles with that one). Lilith sees the Blights’ progress from the view point of someone that’s gone through those same struggles of unlearning everything you thought you knew and building it back up into something more healthy, and she lets them know that they’re doing well, at least compared to her when she was in that same place however many years ago. Idk if the Blights and the Clawthornes were ever friends during school but I like to believe that at least during the hard parts of the Blights redeeming themselves, they do make a real friend in Lilith as someone that understands exactly the mental place they’re coming out of and trying so hard to fix.

Eda generally keeps to herself when it comes to the Blight parents. She loves the Blight kids, of course, one of them is head over heels for her own kid and she’s been a proud bystander watching their relationship flourish over the years. She’s fiercely protective of the Blight kids; any time any of them show up at the Owl house with distressed looks, she immediately puts a kettle to boil and starts prepping some tea before they can even start hashing out what new complicated BS they’ve got stirring in their noggins. She started doing this as a way to not have to deal with teenage hormones because when did her house become a teenager safe-haven??????? But then continued it over the years because all the kids found comfort in the small act of love and care. Even though Emira and Viney are married by the time the Blight parents begin their Redemption Journey, Emira will still stop by the Owl House from time to time and just sit and have tea with Eda (as a fellow trouble-maker, Eda feels a special kinship with the twins. She never minded the Twins’ presence in the Owl House despite all her complaining that her House had turned into a teenage clubhouse).

Any time the subject of Alador and Odalia comes up in conversation, Eda just sits back and crosses her arms and shockingly, remains silent. She knows it means a lot to so many of them; Luz and Camila seem especially invested and she cares for those Blight kids more than she’d ever admit out loud, but she’s not here to get involved. She’ll quietly support her kid’s noble efforts and be on standby in case shit hits the fan, but otherwise she wants nothing to do with the Blight parents.

King is surprisingly observant when he wants to be. He can see just how much this means to Luz and to Amity and knows that while teasing here and there might be okay, he would respect their wishes to continue trying to make the Blight parents decent people again. But that doesn’t mean he likes Alador or Odalia. He, just like Eda, had been among the ones the Blight kids had turned to when they were at their lowest points and seeking comfort over the years. He’s acted as those kids’ teddy bear for years. He only wants them to be happy (he insists it’s so he can stop being the Family Snot Rag but everyone knows it’s because he loves them). So he, like eda, remains silent whenever the topic of the Blight Parents comes up in conversation.

King and Eda defo talk shit about the Blight parents when it’s just the two of them. They will rant for hours about how shitty the Blight parents are and how undeserving they are of this second chance that Luz is giving to them. Whenever other people bring them up, Eda and King will exchange glances and eye rolls. King will often go to Eda’s lap (if she’s sitting) and pretend to nap on her. He’s actually listening and gripping Eda’s dress in his claws as a reminder to Eda to not say anything. Eda does the same under the guise of petting him; she’ll run her fingers through his fur and just grip tightly whenever she feels him starting to grow agitated under her hand. They don’t like the situation, but they also don’t need to be part of it.

Camila’s so fucking tired you guys. She’s long since accepted that her daughter lives in the Demon Realm and that the demons living here tend to only be different in physiology compared to humans or witches. Otherwise, they’re exactly the same as any other person.

No, the true demons, Camila’s discovered, are those like the Blight parents. Those that neglect their children in favor of something so frivolous as social standing and at the same time, thrust ridiculous expectations on their children to behave in the same way such a social standing would require. Withholding affection as something to be earned rather than giving it as the basic need children require. As if their love was something to work for like Luz doing all of her chores (and not forgetting them) for a month to earn a new book. She’s disgusted to say the least. But! Luz is her whole world. And the Blight children are a part of her world. Putting in the work to change the Blight parents for the better rather than just writing them off as a lost cause is something that means a lot to Luz (and by extension, the Blight kids who Camila’s adopted in her mind. She adores Amity and loves watching Eda interact with the twins). So she’s ready to put in that effort. If only so she can scream at them to their faces about the million ways they’ve fucked up and get away with it.

Camila doesn’t....like Alador and Odalia, just sort of on principle. If anything, she pities them. What sort of lives have they led where they think treating their children so horribly was even an option? As she helps guide them into being decent people, she does get to witness their actual personalities break through the tough exteriors they’d crafted for themselves. Alador is a dork. Odalia is quite smart despite her dumb life choices. Both are extremely talented in the magic paths they’ve pursued. Alador is like every man ever and cracks dad jokes that literally only Luz (and sometimes Edric) finds funny. Odalia has a quick-witted kind of humor that you have to stop and think about before it sinks in what she’s said.

It takes a long time for Camila to actually be able to stand their presence, but I think she tolerates them by the time their daughters’ wedding takes place. After that point it’s a matter of chipping away at those stony exteriors they made decades ago to get their real personalities out into the sunshine. By the time those masks are gone, Camila finds she actually doesn’t mind them being around. She’s okay with them being in-laws. I’m not sure if they ever become like. Friends? But they certainly come to a point of mutual respect. Eventually.

Thank you so much anon!! This was a super cool thought exercise :0

[free-pool-trash]

talking too fast - peter maximoff

this is my first peter maximoff fic, i actually really liked writing for him and i wouldn’t mind doing some more for him and maybe even warren if you guys would want that? idk this blog is kinda dead rn but i liked this request/idea a lot so show it some love if you like it <3

comments and reblogs are appreciated  <3

Request: Can you do like fake dating that end up in real love or something idk big cliché for our speedy boy. 'cause why tf not ksjdjdn

Word count: 3.7K (Jesus ok)

warning(s): swearing(it’s me, are we shocked? no), kinda angsty tbh, everyones a lil insecure but don’t worry it’s happy to end :)

(gifs not mine! he’s so cute oh my)

Peter Maximoff always had a tendency to go fast. That much could be seen in literally everything about him. The way he moved, the way he thought and if he was excited enough or angry enough, the way he spoke. You, of course, figured all of this out the hard way.  

It had started out innocently enough, some of the younger guys, mainly Scott, had made fun of Peter for not having a girlfriend, Peter, in response to the teasing told them that he did. He definitely didn't, but they didn't need to know that. And that's how you found yourself in your current predicament.

Peter was sprawled out on your bed, his legs hanging off the foot of the bed as he whined, “(Y/n) please! I need to prove I have a hot girlfriend!" 

Not looking up from the work you were doing at your desk, you laughed at him, "But Pete, you don't have a hot girlfriend."

The silver haired boy sighed audibly, lifting himself to sit up on your bed, at the same moment you spun around in your seat to face him.

"Nooooo…" He drew out and you shook your head in agreement, "No." You confirmed.

"But!" Peter shouted, pointing an accusing finger at you, a cheeky grin on his lips and his dimples peaking through.

"I do have a hot best friend!" He stated, wiggling his eyebrows at you, his grin turning pleading.

Peter was your best friend, ever since he'd joined the school of mutants he immediately became your favourite person and soon enough he'd claimed your best friend position. And vice versa.

You knew him better than he knew himself. So you also knew exactly what he was suggesting and you wouldn't lie and say that you never entertained the idea of being in a relationship with your doe eyed best friend, because you have, you've thought about it, you've thought about it way too much. 

For that reason you shook your head furiously at what he was insinuating, "Pete, no." 

He huffed, jumping off the bed and speeding infront of you, his eyes boring into yours. 

"Come on, sweetheart! It's not like we don't act like we're dating already, it's foolproof!" He reasoned and you couldn't dispute that you and Peter did act like a couple, and often got mistaken as already being a couple.

But still, you just couldn't put yourself through that sort of emotional stress, you wouldn't do it for a total stranger so you definitely wouldn't do it for your best friend who you've been harboring a huge crush on for the bones of a year. 

The risks it posed for your heart and your friendship with the speedster were just too high.

You couldn't help the laugh that fell from your throat as you watched Peter Maximoff, king of pranks and master of meaningless flirtations literally graveling on his knees in front of the chair you were sitting on. 

"Peter just because we cuddle in the common room and you call me 'sweetheart' sometimes does not mean we act like a couple."  right?

You told him only to be met by a frustrated whine, "Come on! I'm begging you! Just for like a week! Just to prove that I can get a hot girl to date me!" 

You stayed silent, looking at him expressionlessly. Don't give in.

"Please!" He pressed again. Don't.

"Pretty please! Hey, I'll even let you set the ground rules??? Huh???" He tried to persuade you, although he was speeding through every word he said, if you weren't used to him you probably wouldn't have caught half of what he was saying.

Don't. Fucking. Do. It.

His hands grabbed yours as he pulled you both up into standing position, he held your hands softly and gave you the puppy dog eyes that he knew always made you almost melt before releasing a final pleading, "Please?" 

Furrowing your eyebrows you let out the most dramatic sigh you could muster, but you couldn't hide the small smile growing on your lips "Fine, but you owe me." 

You're a fucking idiot. You scolded yourself silently. But how could you ever say no when he looks at you like you're the answer to everything? God you were more screwed than you thought.

"Yes! God I love my girlfriend!" He told you excitedly, pulling you in for a tight hug and kissing your cheek.

When Peter left your room that night your head was spinning and you couldn't be sure how things would go tomorrow.

Maybe you were overthinking it? You'd hold his hand for a few minutes and try and convince a bunch of sixteen years olds that your best friend could successfully obtain a girlfriend and then that would be it. But did you really want that to be it? No, you wanted more, but that you already knew. 

You'd set some ground rules with Peter to "protect the sanctity of our friendship" to which he'd laughed, but in reality the rules were to protect you from your own feelings.

Rule 1) No Kissing on the lips unless absolutely necessary

Rule 2) The lie would only be told to the students and not any of your colleagues (because you knew Peter's first stop would be rubbing your fake relationship in Warren Worthington III's face, they had some kind of light-hearted competition going on, you don't really know what it's about but you made it very clear to your best friend that you wanted no part in it.)

Rule 3) Peter cannot make comments about your fake sex life 

Rule 4) You had to wear an item of Peter's clothing to, in his words, "really sell the story."

And the final rule was, of course, no telling anybody it wasn't real.

The next day you and Peter walked hand and hand toward the common room where you could already hear Scott, Kurt, Jubilee and Jean chatting and having fun.

"You're so immature you know that, babe" You whisper quietly to your "boyfriend" while bumping his shoulders with your own which was clad in the material of his silver jacket. 

Abiding by the rules was all you were doing, you definitely weren't enjoying the way the sleeves were slightly too long so they covered your hands as far as your knuckles, or the way his scent covered you, that cologne he always wore which you happened to love the smell of and you definitely weren't enjoying the fact that despite the jacket being about two sizes too big for you it seemed to just fit. No, definitely not, you were just following Peter's rule.

He only laughed, "What's immature about wanting to show off my beautiful, stunning, hot, loving, smart, talented-" 

You had to cut him off before he could say the word "girlfriend" because you weren't his girlfriend, and hearing it would surely make you want to cry, right there in the hallway.

"Alright Romeo, I've already agreed to your babyish plan to psych out some teenagers, you don't have to butter me up."

As you entered the common room, Peter's face broke into a mischievous grin and you had a deep feeling in your stomach that this little show was going to go way too far. Hoping that this wouldn't be the end of your little show wasn't serving you very well at the moment.

You were absolutely screwed.

"Hey, nerds." Peter called out, pulling you into the room slightly behind him.

"Seriously, Maximoff? (Y/n)?" Scott asked as soon as he noticed your linked hands, his voice was disbelieving, you were a little offended honestly.

What's wrong with me? You wondered, if a pubescent sixteen year old boy could find faults in you maybe Peter was seeing the same things? Maybe that's why he doesn't really want you to be his girlfriend.

It seemed Peter noticed your panicked train of thought as he let go of your hand and wrapped an arm around your shoulder protectively, "What's that supposed to mean, Summers?"  

One of the things you loved about Peter was that he always defended you, even if you don't need defending he always has your back. But now wasn't the time to think about that, you could obsess about the feelings you so desperately try to hide for him later.

Noticing the growing irritation between the older 'couple' Scott shook his head, "No, nothing! (Y/n)'s hot, it's just, you two definitely aren't a thing."

At least they don't think I'm ugly, I guess.

 He stated, crossing his arms as the other teens nodded in agreement. All except Jean who was looking at you suspiciously.

"Why not?" Peter asked, raising an eyebrow. 

As the two boys entered what was essentially a pissing contest about how Peter couldn't handle you which turned into how Scott couldn't handle Jean and as it went on and on, Jean entered your head.

'You're not really dating are you?' she asked you, something hiding in her voice, a question within a question, there was something more she wanted to say.

'Why's me and Peter being together so hard to believe?' You asked her in response, sure Jean was a telepath but you've mastered the art of manipulating what she could see when she peaked in your mind, which is probably why she was so confused.

Not that you really had anything to hide from her, what you felt for the man arguing with the teen in the middle of the common room was genuine and authentic, but better safe than sorry.

'It's just… Don't you think you could do a little better?" She pushed and then you understood that had been what she really wanted to ask in the first place.

The question made you angry, how quick they were to lessen Peter's worth. This wasn't just an issue with the younger X-Men, but with the older ones too. It seemed that nobody could appreciate Peter Maximoff for the amazing person and mutant that he is. You knew it made him insecure, he'd confided in you on so many different occasions about his self worth and because of this you'd developed a need to throw hands with anyone that treated him like a joke.

He saw himself as a loser, so he let people treat him like one.

Before you could respond to Jean's question you were interrupted by Peter whining in your ear, "Baaaaaabe, tell these guys we're together!" 

Letting out a sigh to calm yourself, hiding your angry string of thoughts from Jean was exhausting, you let a small smile settle over your face and wrapped both your arms around Peter's middle, if they wanted a show you'd give them one.

"Okay kids, Peter and I are dating, we have been for the past while. We didn't say anything because we wanted to keep it on the down low but since it's out there now, yes, we are in fact, a couple." You confirmed, confidence clear in your voice, you were asserting the facts.

Peter nodded in agreement, a smug smile on his face, he looked so proud to call you his girlfriend and you felt a pang in your chest when you reminded yourself that it was only for show.

"How'd he manage to get a girl like you though? I don't get it." Scott piped up again and you couldn't hide the exhausted expression that crossed your face.

It got to Peter, the blatant disbelief towards him, you could tell his face fell ever so slightly before he regained his composure. So you squeezed him a little tighter.

"Well, he's sweet, he's caring, he's loyal, he knows me pretty much better than I know myself, he makes me smile and laugh, he knows exactly what to do when I'm sad and sure, sometimes he can be a little much and a huge pain in the ass but it's worth it." You told the group, squeezing Peter with every word you said, smiling at the little "hey" he let out when you called him a pain in the ass, the way he was looking down at you was so pure and loving that you completely forgot to remind yourself that it was just make believe.

Your description of your fake-but-wish-it-was-real-boyfriend received an "aww" from Jubilee and a smile from Kurt, Jean and Scott however, still looked apprehensive.

Keeping the red head out of your business was giving you a headache.

"Prove it." Scott challenged as you and Peter looked at each other in confusion, how were you supposed to prove it? These kids sure were ballsy.

"Kiss." Jean added and you couldn't physically stop your eyes from rolling and your lips from forming a smirk.

You were about to break your biggest rule, but you didn't care. The whole interaction with the teens had brought Peter's self-esteem way down and you could predict he'd be crying on your shoulder because of it later on tonight. You weren't going to deny him a kiss and you absolutely weren't going to embarrass him in front of Scott fucking Summers.

"Ok." You removed your arms from around Peter's middle and brought one hand to his cheek and let the other tangle in his Silver hair, he didn't miss a beat, immediately he pulled you flush against him and placed his hands on your hips, his movements were deliberate as if he'd been imagining kissing you for as long as you'd been imagining kissing him. You pushed that thought away, the truth that he didn't think about you that way hurt too much.

His lips met yours and you could've sworn you felt sparks flying from where your lips connected. The kiss was short but it was passionate and really, really, really good. His lips were chapped but soft and the way that they moved in sync with your own sent your head spinning and your heart flipping.

When you pulled away, Peter's lips chased yours and you giggled as he placed pecks on your lips multiple times before he finally allowed you to push him away.

If you weren't so caught up in the moment you would've cried, that was everything you've been wanting for so long, but it wasn't real. You didn't think about it though, it would get a chance to bring a tear to your eye later. When you're alone.

"Alright you're dating, Jesus, get a room." Scott scowled as he scrunched up his face in disgust at the display of affection he and his own girlfriend had demanded.

Laughing, you grabbed Peter's hand in yours and began walking back towards his room, you didn't feel like answering any more awkward questions and you needed a minute to recover from Jean's constant attempts to get into your subconscious.

Once you'd both entered Peter's room and shut the door behind you, you finally let your guard down with a loud sigh, flopping down on Peter's bed and throwing an arm across your eyes to block out the light.

"Jean's mind poking really is relentless huh?" Peter said, flopping down beside you. 

"Tell me about it. She's persistent as fuck." You laughed, turning your head to look at Peter, who was already looking at you.

"That no kissing rule didn't last too long, couldn't resist?" Peter asked jokingly but you could tell that he wanted to know what caused you to abandon your number one rule.

Chewing on your cheek, you debated on whether or not you should spill all or just tell him what he needed to know at this moment in time. Going this the latter you sighed again.

"They were being assholes, I wasn't gonna embarrass you by saying no, was I?" Peter's smile was soft but it didn't reach his eyes, your voice was quiet when you added, "Besides, you looked like you needed a kiss."

His face was now turned to the ceiling with a thoughtful look adorning his features. 

As you both laid side-by-side on the unmade double bed, close enough that your arms were touching but not close enough for your fingers to be intertwined, you, a hopeless romantic, hopelessly falling for your best friend as you wear his favorite jacket and lay on his bed. And Peter who looked like he was trying to figure out the universe's greatest mystery. As you laid with each other, a heavy silence settled over you both, until Peter turned his face back to you, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Can I ask you something, (Y/n)?" Nodding wordlessly, you turned your entire body to face him, so that you were laying on your side.

"Am I really that bad?" He asked, his brown eyes staring into yours.

"What do you mean?" You asked him, you knew where this conversation was about to go, but he had a lot to say and you wanted to let him let it all out.

"All those guys back there, they didn't think I could really be your boyfriend… and hey they're probably right, you could do better. But is it really that unbelievable that someone could love me?" His last question came out cracked and tears filled his chestnut eyes.

Your own eyebrows furrowed now, you put your hand on his face and brushed the tear that slipped from his eye away. "No, Pete. What's unbelievable to me is that people can't see how fucking incredible you are." You told him, your emotions coming through in your voice, anger and sadness taking over.

"No," Peter shook his head, again returning his face to look at the ceiling before he went on, "they're right, I couldn't get a girl, especially not one like you."

That hurt, you have to admit that it hurt you so bad to hear him talk so badly about himself but what hurt most was the fact that Peter didn't want a girl that was you, no, just one that was like you.

"You have a girl like me, Pete." You reminded him sadly, turning your own face to the ceiling.

Who knew one outing as a fake couple would be all it took to make you fall apart? You did, you knew from the beginning.

Peter was upset, it was obvious by the way he spoke next, too fast and before he thought.

"No, I don't, not really. You're this incredible, pretty girl. You're talented and your mutation is useful and everyone loves you! I'm just this loser who people don't take seriously and pretty soon you're going to realize that and just leave like everyone else." 

The pit of your stomach has never felt so deep before, it was so clear to you now, in his voice, it was there, he didn't trust you to stay. And that fact hurt more than any heartbreak of rejection ever could.

Sitting up on the bed, you looked down at him, fighting the tears that were attempting to gather in your eyes.

"I know you're not a loser, Peter. I know you're incredible and talented and maybe the best friend I've ever had. But if you think I'm shallow enough to leave you behind, for some preppy asshole, you really don't trust me as much as I trust you." You finished, tears falling freely as you got off of the bed and made your way toward the door before he sped infront of you, standing between you and the door.

His eyes were wide, like a deer caught in headlights, "That's not what I meant to say!" 

You didn't say anything, just stared at him, tears falling and waiting for him to say his piece.

"I trust you more than anyone, you know everything about me, I'm sorry my mouth was going too fast and it came out all wrong." He was still rushing through his words but he took a deep breath before going on again.

"What I was trying to say is," he swallowed thickly, he was nervous, scared even, "you're amazing, you're my best friend and I've had this scenario running in my head of maybe being more than just friends. But I was afraid if I told you and you didn't feel the same you'd leave because of how awkward it would be." 

Your heart was pounding, if you had a few broken ribs after this conversation  you wouldn't be surprised, "oh."

"And when I suggested you be my fake girlfriend you were so reluctant that I figured I never had a shot. But then we kissed and I just can't come to terms with a kiss like that meaning nothing." He told you, hands finding yours, carefully.

This time it was you who was speaking before thinking, "I'm in love with you."

Hearing the words fall out of your mouth, your eyes widened, months of trying to hide the fact and you managed to let it slip out into the open without it even crossing your mind first.

Taking a shaky breath you decided to speak again and hopefully ease Peter out of the shocked state your declaration put him in.

"I didn't wanna fake date you because I wanted to real date you and I was afraid it would hurt too much. That kiss, it was real for me, I had kinda been wanting to do it for a while." You confessed to him, squeezing his hands that were still holding onto yours.

A smile overtook his face, his dimples showing and his eyes brightening, his face was lit up with what seemed like pure happiness like a puppy who's owner just got home from work.

"I love you too." 

Oh thank God.

"I knew you couldn't resist." He added shooting you a cheeky wink before he pulled you against his chest, his face was so close to yours, your noses touched and his lips met yours again.

This time was different, though. It was real and you both knew it and both wanted it.

His fingers intertwined with yours as he pulled his lips away from yours, his boyish smile coming back as he rested his forehead against yours.

"So, um, do you maybe wanna be my girlfriend, like really be my girlfriend?" He asked, still nervous about asking you despite the fact you'd both just made your feelings toward each other perfectly clear.

"I'd love to." You replied, connecting your lips to his again.

Safe to say, fake dating Peter turned into a total shit show but you're really glad it did.

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