#(i love the soda bucket kids)

[noceurous]

a guide to dating in twenty first century

now you’re on a second date with him, you’re not on his lap but he is between your legs

warnings: implied age-gap, swearing, mention of abusive behavior (not by joel or reader), mention of bad childhoods and life struggles, some angst, nicknames (baby), fluff, smut; semi-public sex(ish), fingering (f receiving), oral (both receiving), hints of dom!joel, daddy kink, minors dni (18+), reader is able-bodied, afab, and has hair.

a/n: sorry this took so long, real-life is a chaos and sucks but thanks to Portugal pics i’m so writing the third chapter now!

[part i]

part ii: the in-between

Going to movies was definitely not on your top three for ideal dates. You usually went to the movie theater with your mom who shared your love for overpriced, extra salty, greasy popcorn and never chit chatted during the movie. Or you just went there alone, enjoying it by yourself and your popcorn.

“Would you like some popcorn?” Joel asked while you were making your way to the screening room.

You texted Joel after two days. You were worried you made him think you were pressured by him. Even though you reassured him a few times it wasn’t like that, he was a gentleman enough to think it was better to give you some space.

After getting your text, he had invited you to a movie he wanted to go to. Saying he had an extra ticket since his brother ditched on him.

“Yeah, it’d be nice.” He motioned for you to go inside, gently pressing his hand on the small of your back.

“You go in and I’ll go get them.”

“I can join—” He raised his hand, pointing through the door.

“I insist.”

Soon enough he came back holding a large bucket of popcorn, and two sodas. You noticed his hands were large enough to carry them without any trace of struggle.

And he had thick long fingers which gave you one of your best orgas—

“Thank you again.” You said as he gave you the bucket.

“Are you comfortable?” He asked as he sat down next to you. Eyes scanning you for a trace of discomfort.

“I’m on a nice fluffy seat, I've got my soda and popcorn. Also I’ve a handsome guy in my company. I don’t see any reason to complain.” You said as you threw one popcorn inside your mouth.

“If you are good with the ‘handsome’ company, then I’m good too.” He said as he took some of your popcorn.

“Are you kidding? It’s the best part.” You winked at him, earning a small chuckle.

He leant to kiss your cheek. You acted before him, your lips pressing his before they could reach your cheek.

The kiss was sweet, and soft. When he sat back you could see the pinkish hue his lips got thanks to your lip balm.

Before you made a comment about it, the lights were dimmed all the way down, meaning you had to focus on the screen, not the handsome company.

The movie was a guy’s movie; full of action and no message to give, just something to enjoy. Maybe you could watch it again with your dad. Whenever you wanted to spend quality time with him at his man cave.

You jumped when the guy blew up the car, some of the popcorn was shifted inside the bucket. He placed his hand on your thigh. It was more protective than suggestive. You knew it was more like a reflex and he had no intention but since you had the brightest idea of wearing your shortest dress it was not that innocent for you.

You could feel the goosebumps forming on your skin, and dampness on your underwear. It did not take you too long to remember your previous date, and how you ended up on his lap.

Just focus on the MOVIE.

His hand was placed in a reasonable spot, a few inches above your knee. Fingers lazily drawing circles on your skin. You glanced at him a few times but each time his eyes were locked on the screen. You knew that he was aware of your gaze. His touch on you got tighter at times, fingers moving higher, halfway to reach your dress just before the first part of the movie was over.

You looked down at your lap, precisely focusing on the casually wandering hand. Saved by a second to get caught. “So? Did you like the movie?”

“It was… entertaining.” You said as you slurped your soda, avoiding his gaze. “I enjoyed it when the guy decided to steal his stepfather’s car, who blamed him for his mother’s death.”

He raised his eyebrow, “You didn’t like it, did you?”

“Not on my top three, but not at the bottom three either. Maybe next time I can pick the movie?”

He smiled, his tongue clicking on his mouth. You knew he liked when you gave him a green light for a second date. “Next time, I’ll let you choose the movie.” He nodded, his hand squeezing your thigh. You subtly parted your thighs, letting his hand move.

When the lights got dimmed again you two were still looking each other, taking in each other for a few seconds before the second half started.

You could feels his gaze on you this time. His fingers were slower, tracing the outline of your inner thighs, moving closer to the hem of your skirt.

You breath hitched, thighs parted slightly, asking for more. You bit down on your lower lip. Breathing through the nose and watching some guy got beaten the hell out of.

Joel’s fingers brushed along the hem of your skirt, waiting there, asking for a sign of approval.

You spent each night to make yourself cum like he did but you did not get even close enough to finish it.

Your body took over the control; you snuggled next to him, raising your hips a little. His fingertips disappeared under your skirt. You looked up to him, seeing the smirk on his face.

His middle finger traced your wet slit through your underwear. Pressing onto your clit, you almost jumped when the pleasure hit you like electricity. Your hand got on his thigh, your fingernails digging onto his hard denim.

He was playing with you as you did to him. You could feel his bulge under rough denim. Fingers dancing slowly on the shape, hearing his breath hitch when you pressed your fingertips on it.

He threw his arm around your shoulder, pressing your body closer to his. His other hand was still on your underwear, playing with the band of it.

You pressed your palm against him, gently stroking him up and down. He slid your underwear to the side, exposing you to him. You cursed under your breath as his fingers played with your folds.

You raised your head, pressing your lips along his jawline. His salt pepper beard trickled your lips but you did not mind. He turned his head, kissing you all he got as he pushed a finger inside you.

You bit down on his bottom lip, trying to not moan loudly and got attention. Thankfully the movie was loud enough and a few people chose that time-slot.

“Joel.” You whispered, placing your hand on his bicep. He didn’t stop, curling his finger inside you slowly pumping in and out. You sank down your nails on his skin, biting down on your lower lip to keep yourself quiet.

You kept palming him, trying to get your revenge but he had the upper hand. Your head felt heavy as your pleasure kept building and building.

The credits started to roll on the screen, and lights were turned on again. Joel pulled out his fingers just before people started to move. You both were smiling at yourselves for not being caught.

You got up quickly, holding him by his wrist, leading him to exit. Ditched your half finished soda and popcorn back there in your seat. Your mind was still cloudy from pleasure and you wanted to get more.

He pressed you to his groin as you walked to his car, afraid someone would see his now semi-hard bulge.

He liked the way you dragged him. He liked how you held onto him. He liked how you looked over your shoulder and gave him a small smile.

He loved your smile.

—

You were in his car, in the parking lot. You looked around to see if there were anyone around before you got inside. You quickly kissed him, moving onto his lap again. He pushed his back, giving you a space for you to move better. His hands were holding your ass over your dress, making you grind into him through his jeans.

“Fuck, baby.” He said, his hold on your ass got tighter. “If you continue to go like this…” He admitted, sucking on the spot under your ear.

“Let me suck you off, please?” You said, battling your eyelashes.

His chest fluttered with your request, he couldn’t remember the last time someone asked him this, if anyone ever did. Now his jeans were a bit tighter and his smile was bigger.

An eyebrow raised. “You want to suck me off?” He cupped your cheek, rough thumb tracing your bottom lip.

Instead of answering him, you took his thumb into your mouth, pressing yourself further on his lap. Your crotch was right on top of his bulge, your dress was lifted around your waist.

He cursed under his breath; raising his hips to feel your damp underwear. His one hand was still on your ass, taking a fistful. He knew if you pressed on him little tighter you would definitely leave this car with his fingertip marks.

“As much as I want to see my cock stuffed in your mouth— I don’t want to do this in here.” He said taking off his thumb and replacing it with his tongue. His hand was on the back of your neck, pressing your body onto him as he kissed you with all he got. You opened your mouth to him, letting his tongue devour inside your mouth.

You placed your hands at the back of his neck, fingers curling around the dark locks there. Feeling him melt onto the kiss.

He gently placed you back on the seat, kissing your temple. Your brain functions stopped, unable to process what he had just done.

“Let me drop you off baby. It’s getting late.”

“Okay.” You said nodding quicker than you want, trying to keep your eyes to yourself and not on his erection. You could heard how devastated you sounded even you only said one simple word.

—

The car ride was quicker than you expected, he probably crossed the speeding limit a few times. His one hand on the wheel, the other fixing his jeans, grumbling whenever he had to slow down.

Your hands were trembling when you put your key in the hole. His large hand placed on your hip, his erection was pressed on your ass. Poking you through your thin dress.

You didn’t know if he was doing this to hide it from people or to turn you on even more. His size was effective enough for both.

You almost pushed yourself inside when the key finally turned, the darkness of your hall greeted you.

You turned on your heels, pulling him closer to you by the collar of his shirt. Not wasting any time to kiss him. He groaned into the kiss, one hand found its place on your waist as the other pushed the door closed.

You tried to think fast, whether you should take him to your bedroom or your couch was fine or not. When he broke the kiss to take a breath. Leaning his head back on the wall, eyes glued to your heavily breathing figure.

Your hands unbuckled his belt, taking it off swiftly. You broke the kiss to get on your knees but he stopped you. “Are you sure?”

You were fooled by his question. Battling your eyelashes, keeping a soft smile on your face. “Yes, Joel. I want this.” You said as you got on your knees. The landing was not as gentle as you hoped when you got on your knees, the fibers of the rug hurt your skin. Taking a note to get yourself a fluffier rug.

Your hands were trembling when they got on his pant button.

You’re not even good at a fucking blowjob.

His hands were placed on yours, stopping you from pulling it down. “Take a moment baby, ‘m not goin’ anywhere. Okay?”

You looked up into him, seeing the soft smile on his face made your heart slow down. His knuckles caressing your cheek up and down. You saw how hard he was trying to hold himself.

You nodded, taking a large breath through your nose. Pulled the jeans down quickly, seeing his angry cock right in front of you.

Telling he was big was definitely an understatement. And he was not even fully hard. Your mouth salivating when you saw how shimy his tip was with the precum a thick vein underside.

You licked your lips, taking his cock in hand. He hissed at your warm touch, guiding it to your lips. He pressed the tip on your lower lip, smearing his arousal.

You gave it a long lick, tongue following its slit. He hissed when you gave him a quick kiss. Licking and kissing along his length; getting him as wet as possible before you took him inside your mouth.

“That’s it. Good girl.” He said as you wrapped your lips around him, and your fingers were wrapped around where your mouth could not fit.

You began moving your head slowly, working your hands alongside. You relaxed your jaw as you took more of him, his tip pressing at the back of your mouth. Your gag reflex triggered when his tip hit the back of your throat. You stopped for a second to give yourself time to adjust before continuing to suck him.

He was breathing through his nose, watching you between his legs. Your left hand was brushing along his balls at every stroke. Your warm mouth around his length. He could see how hard it was for you to fit him inside your mouth. You were breathing your nose, glossy eyes and some saliva leaving your mouth. It was even harder for him to not take control, not hold your head and move his hips. His nails dug into his palm, leaving half moon shaped marks.

He could feel him getting closer and closer to cum, trying to hold it as long as it was possible, savor the moment. But you were making it hard for him when you were looking at him like that. With tears around the corner of your eyes, taking him with all you got; sucking and licking.

You felt his hot cum shoot through the back of your throat and tongue, the familiar sour taste on your taste buds. You waited for him to finish before slowly taking him outside of your mouth.

His hands cupped your cheeks, raising his eyebrows. “Open your mouth.” He said and you obeyed him. Showing his cum pooled on your tongue. “Good girl, now swallow it.” He said, his fingers brushing along your hair, fixing the loose strands and tucking them back.

You felt proud when he called you good girl. You wanted nothing more to please him. You put your tongue back inside your mouth,swallowing all of the cum; opening your mouth again to show him you swallowed.

He chuckled, kissing you after you got back on your feet. “It is my turn to return the favor.” He said, placing his hands on your dress, guiding you to your couch in a few short steps. “Leaving you high and dry is a crime, baby.” He said as he got on his knees, pulling down your underwear.

You nodded along his words, lifting your skirt to show him your bare cunt, as he got on his knees. He smiled at your state, licking his lips before he pressed his mouth on you.

He wasn’t slow or gentle, he was like a starved man who got denied from pleasure for a long time. You were already wet from the second his tip touched your tongue. His tip flicked your swollen clit, you felt like you were electrocuted with sudden pleasure.

“F-fuck! Da-Joel!” You screamed, pulling on his dark curls. Saved by a second by calling him daddy.

He stopped to speak, brushing his mouth along your pussy. His scruff was itching but somehow he made it better.

He looked into your eyes and you saw the spark in his. The corner of his mouth turned into a smirk.

He liked it.

“You wanna call me daddy?” You nodded, raising your hips to his face. “Call me daddy.” He said feeling himself get hard again, continuing to suck on your clit.

You threw your head back, pulling his curls again. “Daddy, it’s t—too m—much.” You confessed, toes curling as the orgasm built on, sweat forming on your temples. You felt your face heat up when you got close to this soon.

Was this okay?

“You gonna come for daddy? Go on, show me what my baby does so good. Coming for all over her daddy’s face.” You did as he asked, letting the pleasure take over your body.

Crying down with your release as he pushed his tongue inside, lapping up your juices. Groaning at your taste, shaking your body straight from the core.

When you came down from your release, you let go of his head. Lying down on the couch half naked in front of him with your dress around hips.

You looked like a mess.

“You look beautiful.” He said as he put back your underwear and helped you to fix your dress back.

You weren’t ready for the sudden compliment, having a hard time to process when somebody actually complimented you post-sex. “T-thank you.” He kissed your cheek.

He pulled his pants up, tucking his cock back inside his pants. Leaning down over the couch to scoop out his belt. “Uhm, the bathroom is at the end of the hall on the right. You cannot miss it.” You said as you got up from the couch, looking at how his beard was shining with your juices.

He blinked twice then got up. “Want anything to drink?” You asked as you got on your feet, pouring yourself a glass of water. “Yes, please.” He answered as he walked down your hall.

You heard the light switch in your bathroom, nodding to yourself. Your feet slowly dragging you to your open kitchen, legs still felt like a jello after your orgasm. You rested your hip on the counter taking a moment to close your eyes and process.

“You have a lovely place.” You jerked when you heard his voice. Didn’t hear his footsteps or the light switch of the bathroom.

You smiled as he came from the corner and sat down on your two person kitchen table. “Really? It’s a bit different from yours, I have plants which need water and better sunshine.” You said as you pointed your Chinese evergreen across from your couch. “I have tea, herbal tea, coffee, some white wine..”

“Just a coffee is fine.” You lifted your head to your open cupboard filled with colorful mugs and glasses, taking out a butter colored mug.

“And many colorful mugs, as I see…”

“Yeah I even had one that says ‘life is too short to use boring mugs’. Sadly my fridge and cupboards are not filled with many ingredients, it’s mostly frozen food in the fridge. I can’t cook for shit.” You opened your coffee jar, the smell of freshly grounded coffee beans surrounding the room.

He chuckled, “I can teach you, not everything maybe, but if there is something you want to learn. I'd be glad to help you.” You took out a fresh filter paper, placing it on your small machine.

You shrugged, the idea of him watching you prepare a simple coffee was already making your stomach twirl. “No, I just hate cooking. It’s more stressful when someone is watching me.” You explained as you closed the lid and flicked the switch of the machine.

“Now, you know how I felt about our first date.” His voice stood out from the grumbles of the machine.

You turned to him. Seeing him looking at you with those thick arms crossed at his chest, hair slicked back. He was a sight, and you cannot imagine him stressed even for a second. “Were you that stressed?”

“A bit. But I knew what I was doin’. I’ve lived alone for more than two decades, baby.” You nodded, remembering your first year of living alone. You had to google a lot of stuff and he didn’t even have that privilege back then.

“It hasn’t even been five years for me, so no pressure I guess.” You said as you poured his coffee. “My mum didn’t know how to cook until I was born, she says I’ll learn eventually and she is a great cook.” You handed him his mug. Sitting down on the chair across from him. “And your mum? Is she a great cook like you?”

“She was even a better cook than me. She had to feed three men. I don’t think it was easy back in the day as it seemed. There were many times that we were short on money, she mostly had to come up with stuff. I had to start working right after high school, support them for a while until it was my time to move out, then it was Tommy’s. Soon enough we came up with Miller Construction, and here we are.”

You nodded along as he explained, wondering what young Joel was like. Who did he hang out with? How did he spend his free time? Who was he dating back then?

Was he confused about his purpose in life as well?

The last one is too deep, don’t ask him that!

“I‘ve had a friend who was close with my landlady so that’s how I found the place. Then I decided to move out.”

More like a toxic ex than a friend.

“You’re lucky. It took me around three years just to find a place, but I also own my place so I guess that’s normal.”

“Kinda lucky. My landlady is a bitch to me…”

“Really?”

“She never helps me when there is something needs to be fixed. Creates a scene when I miss to pay the rent by one day. She used to snitch on me to my bo—“

You stopped yourself when you realized you almost break your rule.

Never mention your ex unless asked.

“She is not a good person basically.” You explained; raising up to place your now empty glass back to sink. Turned your back towards him to take a deep breath. Closing your eyes for a second when the familiar memory flashed in your mind.

You’d be stuck in that small place with your mum for the rest of your life without me.

“Have you thought about moving out?”

“Nope. My rent makes her tolerable, I can handle her if she gets though. I have claws too.”

“I see.” He said as he nodded along, taking a sip from his coffee. “Call me if you need my help. I’ve been told that I’m a very persuasive person.” You both chuckled at that.

He got up and placed his half empty mug next to yours. When he stood in your kitchen like that, all broad and tall, it felt like somehow he belonged there all along. In his casual fit jeans and dark green plaid flannel, holding your butter colored chubby mug, it felt like this was your casual evening.

“Living in a big city is tough for everybody.” He added, placing his hand next to your elbow on the kitchen counter. Fingers brushing up and down on your arm.

“Yeah. I will call you, if she gets on my nerves again. Maybe a fresh blood for the battle is better.”

“Yeah maybe.” He agreed. “I’d be glad to help you.” He said as he leant in, kissing you.

The kiss was small, you tasted yourself and the coffee before he took a step back. Leaning his forehead on yours, he gulped before opening his mouth.

“I really hate to say this but I better get going. Have some stuff to take care of.” He said before kissing your temple, walking back slowly as he made his way to door.

“Oh okay, let me walk you out.” You said as you followed him.

“When can I see you again? I assume your schedule is pretty tight, with the wedding and stuff.”

“Yeah it’s in less than 10 days, but I’m pretty much free. I have this dress rehearsal in two days and that’s pretty much it. That and the wedding of course.”

He nodded along as you explained. “I hope it’s not too early but I have a cabin. I’ll spend this month out there.”

You felt like your heart shattered when he said he’d be away for a month. “Oh, it seems nice.”

“It is. It’s good for relax and stuff.” There was a moment of silence, you scratched the back of your leg with your feet. Unable to form a sentence.

So was this a goodbye-goodbye? Would you be able to reach him when he is at the cabin?

“After the wedding I’d like to take you there actually. At least for a few days, I’m in between projects and usually I go there and spend some time away from the city.”

He wants you! He wants you there!

“I’ll check in with work, had some pending leave days, if I can use them…” He cut you short, already smiling like a kid with a treat when he got your answer.

“Okay, I’ll be waiting to hear from you.”

“Sure. Drive safe.”

“Will do,” He said as he gave you a kiss on the lips. You wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing him back. Giving him a nice goodbye before he marched down the stairs.

He felt like he was more alive then ever when you said yes to him, mentally planning the trip and made sure to go and check the cabin before he brought you there.

You felt like your heart was beating inside your chest when you closed the door. You brought your fingers to your lips, still feeling his lips there.

[luxthestrange]

BNHA Incorrect quotes#7 Too tired for this-

KFC Worker Y/n does not care if you are a hero, villain, civilian, or whatever no one is safe from their annoyance...Hawks is just sitting sipping his soda with shades on inside to hide his heart eyes as you work around-

Chisaki*Coming in* Im sorry can I just have another kid's meal?

KFC!Y/n*Sees the well-behaved young girl with a tiny horn, taking out the kid's toy and handing it to her looking at the masked man* You again?NAW, Not this time love

Chisaki:...But I just walked in?*Confused at them*

KFC!Y/n: Yeah, and you walk into Cole's, Buy some groceries LIKE A NORMAL FATHER -COOK DINNER ASSHOLE?!

Chisaki:😦

Eri*Smilling holding her toy*...

Cue You now cleaning the tables with orchestra music

RandomHero*Coughs into a fist*

KFC!Y/n*Sprays him with an antibacterial spray bottle*

RandomHero*Jumps and looks as they leave confused*!?

RandomHero2*Watched as his friend was sprayed just as confused*??

-

Dabi*Coughs into hand in his civilian disguise*

KFC!Y/n*Sprays him with an antibacterial spray bottle in the face with an annoyed look*

-

Shigaraki*Also In a civilian disguise, Eating messily at his table, stuffing his face with food and mouth open and chewing as he plays his mobile game*

KFC!Y/n*Who was moping the floor with a disgusted look*...YOU EAT LIKE THAT AT HOME?

Shigaraki*Stops chewing with bites of fries hanging from his mouth*??

KFC!Y/n: HUH?-Ya animal! Close your mouth when ya eat you fuckin scumbag!*Glares at him, disapproving tone*CHICKEN LITTLE IN YOUR BURGER HAD MORE MANNERS THAN YOU!?

Shigaraki*looking down, feeling called out*...

A couple tables away from you lecturing Shigaraki is Hawks and Dabi...

Hawks*Happily seeing you kick out rowdy people*...arent they great?~

Dabi*Who is cleaning the cleaner of his face, eyes stinging and glaring at him*...out of all the models, actresses/actors galore...you're choosing that-

You are kicking a homeless person out of the restaurant and even fanning the air to get rid of the stench with a grossed-out look

sequel to:

[deep-sea-anemone]

I know Zeff taught Sanji all about cooking and fighting, but like. He was also a dad. A dad who knew his way around a kitchen. And what do 10 year old kids love?

Science experiments!

Zeff making play dough for Sanji, teaching him how to make oobleck, heck even the icing-glue and recipes for making sturdy gingerbread houses.

And then Sanji joins the strawhats. And one day it's pouring buckets and the crew is stuck inside, bored, and without any entertainment, so Sanji remembers what Zeff showed him as a child. He makes them oobleck. He cooks some play dough. He makes some baking soda volcanoes and he starts doing cookie decorating and egg dying parties.

And so everything he learned from Zeff, the fighting, the cooking, and even the parenting skills, all that Zeff taught him is something that he shares with his crew

[bluecollarmcandtf]

Humiliating the Cop

The University Officer at my college is always riding my ass for "bullying." Apparently some wimps went crying to him after I teased them around. Now he's constantly watching me. The dude needs to chill, and I'm gonna make him!

All it'll take is a confrontation with my handy hypnotic pendant. One look at the gem dripping down my neck and his mind will be ripe the picking!

"Yo, Officer!" I call his attention and march right up to the goody-two-shoes. He looks just as high-and-mighty as ever.

"Something going on?" he gives me a disapproving glare, "You causing trouble again?"

"Wouldn't dream of it, big guy," I pull the pendant out of my shirt, "Just wanted to show my favorite piggy something."

He grimaces and opens his mouth, but before he can deliver his comeback, his eyes catch sight of the glowing jewel on my neck. The tension in his body relaxes while his jaw drops open. He looks like a brain dead idiot, but that just means he's ready for some instructions.

I start to explain his new job to him. Things are going to be different around here. This cop's not going to be the high-and-mighty enforcer of justice he used to be, and there's nothing he can do but nod his head dumbly and agree!

A week later I catch sight of the cop carrying a bucket of soapy water down the hall. Some nerd I'm intimidating squeals for his help.

The officer just shakes his head, "Sorry, I'm busy right now. I have to go scrub graffiti off a stall in the men's room."

"That's my art, piggy. You like what I spray painted in there?" I chuckle.

"Oh, it was very well done," he answered quickly, searching my eyes for approval, "I didn't realize it was yours, sir. I'll just leave it alone."

The dweeb I have pinned against the wall is dumbfounded and asks again for some help before I interrupt, "Jesus, tell this kid to just shut up and hand over his lunch."

The cop nods and turns a stern face to my victim, "Son, be quiet and give him what he wants, now."

After handing over his packed meal, the student scurries away. I obviously had the officer wrapped around my mean finger. I used him to help me bully a few other kids throughout the rest of the week. I even had him vandalize the principal's car for me, but I wanted him to fall a little further from grace..

Most of the cafeteria snickered quietly behind the officer's back. I put him in another trance that morning, telling him that his new responsibilities as campus security was to "Mop up the messes before anyone else can."

He spent all day running around the hallways with a mop and bucket. During lunch, I knocked the food out of everyone's hands and enjoyed watching him crawl behind as he struggled to keep up with each new mess.

By the end of the day, a few of the more outgoing football jocks had joined in on teasing the man.

"Yo, officer," the athlete chuckled, as he poured a soda out onto the floor.

"Yes, sir?"

I have him calling everyone 'sir,' now. He's basically lower than everyone on the totem pole now. Even still, I thought he could drop lower...

After a quick discussion with the police chief, I had him fired from the department. Don't worry though! I got him a job as a janitor at the school. He works for free, but at least he's got something to do all day.

Using the hypnotic pendant, I essentially took over his life. I had the police chief hire me in the cop's place. I moved into the man's lovely home, and acquainted myself with his beautiful wife. After, introducing her to my glowing necklace, she quickly realized that I was a million times better than her disgusting husband.

He still sees her every once in awhile when he comes over to clean the place, but he's not allowed to speak to women anymore. She only talks to him when she's criticizing his janitorial capabilities, anyway.

I've got to say that I'm a much better officer than that annoying prick ever was. At least, I have a lot more fun using the uniform than he ever did. Call me sadistic, but I'm still thinking of ways to bring the guy down a peg...

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

The Arcana Mini-HCs: Brainrot's Masterlist

The first 100

M6 reacting to drummer!MC

When MC's familiar was a gift from Lucio

M6 as cartoon comedy tropes

M6 and Guardians of the Galaxy

M6 opening jars

M6 sneezing

M6 and cinema snacks

M6 uncontrollably laughing

When M6 break something

M6 as wet cats

M6 attachment styles

Wearing M6's clothes

Seeing their plushies

When MC falls asleep weird

When MC has a loud nose

M6's least favorite foods

M6 as funny dogs

When M6 mistake someone else for MC

Reading MC's poetry about them

When MC has a sparrow familiar

M6 with lipstick prints

M6 being chased by a goose

Calling the M6 "babygirl"

When MC has a massive bat familiar

M6 doing the ice bucket challenge

M6's nicknames for their kids

M6 responding to "guess what? I love you!"

M6 when a sheep tries to ram them

When MC has a tiny dragon familiar

When MC doesn't know their limits

When MC's familiar wants M6's attention too

When MC is on anesthetic

When MC has a lion familiar

"Would you still love me if I was a worm?"

When MC has a sheep familiar

Trading familiars with the M6

When MC has a thick accent

M6 getting sunburnt

When M6's kid uses MC's nickname for them

MC with a horse familiar

"Excuse me, they asked for NO pickles!"

When MC makes a "deez nuts" joke

M6 as soda brands

MC dragging the M6 mushroom hunting

When a kid shares TMI with the M6

When MC briefly becomes a lobster

M6's sleeping positions

M6's vacation impulse buys

When MC cracks their joints

When MC gets hyper before bed

MC with nocturnal cleaning habits

M6 as socks

MC giving M6 one of their inventions

MC baking for M6

M6 sitting habits

When MC is scared of goats

When MC and M6 have close birthdays

When MC and M6 speak different languages

When MC is allergic to M6's familiars

M6 bathing their familiars

M6 finding out that MC is Lucio's younger sibling

When MC gets migraines

M6 with an MC with vitiligo

When MC faints on a hot day

When the familiars become human for a day

When MC looks scary but is a sweetheart

M6 with a blind MC

M6 with a fainting MC

M6 with a sleepy MC who can’t sleep

M6 body swap

When MC sunburns easily

M6 when MC gets lost in a library

When MC gets drunk and vibes in the rain

When MC imitates the M6’s familiars

When MC collects vacuums

When MC is always prepared

M6 when MC narrates their life like a documentary

With a plague beetle familiar

M6 and more quotes

When MC moves a lot in their sleep

M6 in hot weather

M6 on “Candy or Not”

M6 being their child’s first word

When MC asks for a lawyer

M6 go ghost hunting

LOTR marathon with M6

When MC doesn’t listen to M6’s warning

When MC holds onto M6 in their sleep

M6 in a horror movie

When MC likes to climb trees

M6 celebrating Halloween

M6 with an “act now, think later” MC

When MC has selective mutism

M6 using canes

MC picking up M6's habits

M6 helping MC with their "childish" fears

MC asking for a kiss after a bad day

When MC is great with kids

M6 playing Among Us

[blueiscoool]

Lost and Found: Bottle Hunter Digs Extraordinary Farmland Treasures

Tom Askjem is a time traveler. Every May to November, he disappears into the bowels of the earth, descends to depths of 13’-plus, and returns to the surface with treasure—bottles and glassware from farming’s past.

After 1,800 pits and hundreds of thousands of relics, Askjem is equal parts archeologist, thrill seeker, and mole. Muscle on dirt, the North Dakota farm boy has turned an addiction into a career, multiple books, and a captivating YouTube channel with millions of views. However, Askjem seeks more than glass.

“I’m digging for adventure, history, and love,” he says. The past is in these holes and there are countless numbers of them across farmland.”

Time to hunt with a master.

The Infection

On the flats of extreme eastern North Dakota’s Traill County, Askjem, 32, prepares for a dig trip. “No mountains and no hills in the Red River Valley,” he describes. “You can see your dog run away for days. The land is mostly featureless, other than a few big cottonwoods and shelter belts where farms used to be.”

A mop of blonde hair sits atop a 6’-tall, lanky frame as Askjem saddles his pony—a Honda Civic. At the current mileage rate, the Civic will be junkyard fodder before it has a scratch: 60,000 backroad miles added to the odometer in the past six months.

Askjem piles layers of gear into the trunk, including three of each tool for insurance: shovels, pronged garden forks, trampoline pads, probe rods, buckets, plastic scoopers, trowels, tents, sleeping bags, blankets, pillows, air mattresses, clothes, and waterproof, Redwing leather work boots.

“It never gets old,” he says, wearing a wide grin. “I caught the infection when I was a kid.”

Digging Bodies

Pushed from the Grand Forks area by the historic Red River flood of 1997, Askjem moved to a farm outside Buxton at six years young. The main property was an 1878 homestead—a progression from sod house to log cabin to the present standing 1898 farmhouse decked in Victorian-era woodwork and hardware.

Surrounded by history, including the skeletons of old wagons and rusting machinery, Askjem explored a 5-acre patch of woods on the property, and chanced on a garbage dump: pop bottles and trash.

Askjem dug.

“I went deep and found stuff going back to 1898. When you’re a kid living in the country, there’s no going down the street and there’s no hanging with friends to play video games—you make your own adventure. I started hitting up all the farmers I could find for leads.”

Behind the wheel of a rattling go-cart, Askjem sought Buxton old-timers and collected tips on abandoned houses. “They all helped me,” he says. “Nobody cared where I hunted because I was just a little kid exploring for all the right reasons.”

“I’ve still got an elementary school journal with an assignment describing my weekend,” he adds. “I wrote, ‘Me and Mom dug up old bodies.’ The teacher marked my paper out of concern,” Askjem describes, with an easy, deep chuckle. “I meant to spell bottles, not bodies. But it shows I was truly hooked.”

Indeed. Wonderfully hooked.

Soft Landing

Why are bottles buried under farmland and old house sites?

Prior to plastic and synthetics, glassware held everything: medicine, hygiene products, alcohol, soda, and beyond. Glass was it.

Additionally, prior to waste disposal services, homeowners discarded trash on-site—in back yard outhouses, trash depressions, burn pits, and wells or cisterns. In short time, the various ground receptacle spots were filled and forgotten.

“Let’s say, for example, a family moved in around 1880,” Askjem explains. “That site likely has two or three outhouse locations prior to World War l. The outhouse spots filled up at a rate according to family size. I dug one farmhouse site that had six outhouses in a 10-year span. Folks went into the outhouses and threw away bottles: medicine, opiates, beer, whiskey. It was convenient and private, and had a soft landing, and got covered quickly. Even now, the bottles often are still preserved.”

“Generally, these houses also had a burn pit and/or dump pit. In the early days, they burned all trash in the stove for heat. Also, homestead bucket wells were filled up with trash and bottles once they were replaced by pump wells. Cisterns also were eventually filled up, but most of those are associated with houses in town.”

And the sites remain, he emphasizes, hiding intact relics beyond the reach of farm machinery or tillage equipment.

X Marks the Spot

Location. Location. Location. Other than a tip or invitation, how does Askjem find dig sites?

X marks the spot, at least in the county courthouse or public library. He spends winters poring over early property transaction documents. “I look at lot sales. If several lots sold for $100 each in 1880, but one sold for $1,000 in 1885, the price climb tells the story and likely represents a building location.”

“I also read old newspaper archives, looking for hotel or business advertisements,” Askjem continues. “Then I can look up the proprietor’s name and keep tightening the scope, narrowing down the exact building location.”

“Every single house is different, but generally, in the countryside, outhouses were 30 paces out the back door. In the city, where most lots were 140’ long, outhouses could be as close as 5-10 paces.”

Confident of a site’s potential, Askjem first asks for permission to dig from the landowner. “Property owners are always so kind to me and I don’t hide anything I find. They’re curious about what is in the ground, just like anybody else.”

Second, he grids out the site. “I put down markers 2 paces apart, maybe 20 paces long. I push probe rods into ground and feel for compaction differences. Depending on the location, I’ll call in and have utility lines marked out for power and gas.”

Decked in Levi’s and a tank-top, it’s time to tunnel.

Claustrophobic Comfort

Shovel in hand, Askjem descends into a layer cake of dirt: black topsoil to brown-colored clay to telltale ash to a use layer containing treasure.

“Generally, I go deep to find old items in quantity. The earliest bottles were used to the last drop by farmers and thrown out empty. Therefore, when they froze in brutal Dakota winters, the glass didn’t break from liquid expansion.”

As Askjem extracts glass vessels from the dirt and grime, his encyclopedic knowledge registers with each find. He recognizes the type, manufacturer, and age. Ink bottles, hygiene bottles, medicine bottles, beer bottles, soda bottles—and far more spill from the holes.

“I find patented medicine bottles across the country, but my favorite are soda bottles because they are unique to their locale and have character. The old soda bottles are usually marked with the bottler and town name because they were returnable.”

The outhouse pits are typically 6’-deep at home sites, with an average size of 6’-by-4’-by-3’. “I’ve dug ghost towns, dug saloons, train depots, and pool halls that were 12’ long, 4’ wide, and 8’ deep. I remember a hotel pit that was 20’-by-20’ and 8’ deep. There was a military fort with pits behind the barracks that was 12’ long, 4’ wide, and 13.5’ deep: That was a week’s worth of digging.”

Askjem’s subterranean realm provides no comfort to the claustrophobic. At 8’-9’, he braces the holes with woodwork. “I’m in a solid clay base that doesn’t cave, but I have a healthy respect for the ground’s limitation. Sometimes, it looks like I’m digging a rabbit hole.”

Preserved in nature’s freezer, the artifacts unearthed by Askjem often are in phenomenal condition.

“Pieces of newspaper can still be read; bottle labels are legible; white lime used in decomposition is visible; and undigested seeds are everywhere. Even 120-year-old human waste sometimes is perfectly preserved and still smells like hell. I wear a hydrogen sulfide respirator in those cases.”

“It’s all there; almost like it was dropped yesterday.”

Ghosts in the Ground

In 2022, Askjem began chronicling his digs via a YouTube channel, Below the Plains, and soon captured millions of views. At two posts per week, he gins footage at a steady rate to feed the algorithm, a tough task considering the ground in his geography is frozen from mid-November to mid-May.

Additionally, Askjem has written two in-depth books (Nebraska Soda Bottles 1865-1930 and A History of North Dakota Bottling Operations 1879-1930) and has more on the way. “I put the bottle prices in the books because they can sell for a whole lot and I always tell the landowners. Listing prices draw criticism, but that’s important to me because it helps preserve the item, and preservation of history is what drives me.”

Covered in dust or mud at the end of each day in digging season, Askjem is highly respectful of what he finds—almost reverent after 1,800 digs. “I appreciate everything I uncover because it represents a part of someone’s daily life and existence. There’s nothing wrong with coveting bottles, but I’m really in those holes for the moment of discovery.”

Even when not digging, Askjem is on the move, surfing on the coasts or river diving for lost cargo. In the decades to come, will he continue burrowing into the past? “Twenty years from now, I hope I’m still digging and there’s nothing I’d rather be doing right now.”

“There’s not an infinite amount of lost bottle sites, but there’s certainly an incredibly high number,” he continues. “There were 300,000 homestead farms in North Dakota with a minimum of one well, one outhouse, and one trash dump. And that doesn’t include towns where most of the population lived. There are millions of these sites in North Dakota and far more in other states.”

Respect to a freewheeling hunter like no other. Bottles draw the eye, but ghosts draw the heart: “The moment never gets old when you uncover a bottle and find that history,” Askjem adds. “Never.”

By CHRIS BENNETT.

[honoviadakai]

Foods I think Team Urameshi enjoys 🍜 😋

This post is kinda inspired by/a continuation of this post I made about Hiei so please enjoy my thoughts on the rest of the team’s taste in food!

Yusuke:

If the live action did nothing else, it definitely established that Yusuke’s a ramen guy 😂

He likes both the instant stuff and the traditional kind but the latter is his go to if he can afford it

The instant ones are good but they doo remind him of his childhood when either his mom didn’t have enough money to feed him properly or she was too intoxicated to feed him properly

He also really likes American food

If you get him a good burger, some fries and some soda, he’s your friend for life

He LOVES a good cheesy pizza! The greasier and cheesier the better

Honestly he just LOVES heavy, greasy, heart food

It makes him feel full and weirdly energized

He could eat an entire family bucket of fried chicken by himself, sides and all, and feel pumped up for a good workout 🏋️‍♂️

He also loves spicy food

His spice tolerance is average but he genuinely likes the burn 🔥

If he sees a spicy challenge, he’s gonna do it just to see how far he can go

He’s currently at a level 7 out of 10 on the 🌶️ meter

He’s also very open to exploring weird food combinations and food from other cultures

This includes food from the demon world

He actually kinda likes food from demon world, he just feels like it could use some more spices

Catch him trying Nutella and bologna because Chu swears that the last time he went to the human world he tried it and it was delicious

…he actually tried it…and he liked it…

9 times out of 10 he’s gonna try and actually like the cursed foods you recommend to him

Kuwabara:

He’s a big sandwich connoisseur 🥪 🧐

He just likes how customizable and portable they are

Honestly he likes meals that are not only balanced, but a comfort to the soul

So things like stews, ramen, soba, curry and pasta dishes

One of his personal favorites things to both eat and make are bento boxes 🍱

He loves making them for his friends and family for a number of reasons

For one, it’s his way of making sure his loved ones are eating enough

Some of his friends come from low income households that don’t always have enough money for food

He made sure that whenever they hung out, they were always well fed

He also learned how to make bentos from his mom and sister

He really enjoyed the cooking lessons and he enjoys the warm fuzzy feelings he gets when he feeds his loved ones

The one food he won’t make or consume is anything spicy

He can’t handle spicy food and doesn’t feel confident enough to properly make a spicy dish

Honestly he can’t eat anything spicier than a jalapeño

But he will try to beat Yusuke and Hiei in spice challenges

…my boy never wins and I don’t know why he thinks he will at this point 😂

Kurama:

Like seemingly everything else about this guy, his palate is very refined

He likes expensive things like lobster, caviar, and liver tartare

Part of why he likes it is Yoko has expensive taste and old habits die hard 😂

In Yoko’s correct opinion, if you’re gonna feed him, you might as well break out the good stuff

The other reason is that a lot of these foods have very strong flavors and he enjoys that every now and then

That by no means mean he hates “Lowe quality” foods

He use to eat McDonald’s as a kid

He liked it

Still eats it from time to time

Not as often as Yusuke does, but like…if friends invite him out for a burger, he’ll eat it

Big enjoyer of fruit, grows it himself actually!

The fresher the better 😌👌

He loves ice cream! 🍨 specially strawberry, vanilla and most fruity sorbets

He actually has a bit of a sweet tooth tbh

Thank his mom for that cuz she’d give her baby boy sweets if he looked at her with his big puppy eyes

Mf didn’t even have to say a word

She’d either buy them or make them for him

Even into his adulthood, he can demolish a tray of cookies and macaroons on his own

The difference is that as a child he didn’t care about his weight or how much sugar he’s eating

As an adult, he absolutely cares because he wants to stay in shape and also his body is technically human so he doesn’t wanna deal with diabetes if he can avoid it

Now he also technically grew up with demon world food when he was Yoko

Demon world food is whatever you can find that’s edible

So usually it’s other demons and edible plants/produce

Some of which does that pretty good

But a lot of it is more for survival than taste

He’s absolutely had to eat a bug demon before and not only did it look gross, it tasted gross!

But it was either that or starve…

And believe me…he did debate it…but food doesn’t always just die for you so…🐛🐛🐛

Boy was he grateful that humans in Japan eat some of the best food he’s ever seen

Human food has also made Kurama appreciate the artistry that can go into food

When he sees the chef went out of their way to make the food look like a literal work of art, he’s always so amazed!

He actually has a hard time eating something if it looks super pretty

Expect him to take a few pictures before he eats btw 🤣

He also has an shockingly high spice tolerance

He can eat authentic Thai food without sweating

But certain peppers will automatically have him on his knees

He can and has grown his own peppers to see if he can make spicier peppers than what’s available

He has, but internet trends make people competitive enough to dethrone him by next week 🤣

Hiei:

Oh this guy ain’t picky

Honestly he’ll eat burnt food if he’s hungry enough

He can also eat 10xs his own body weight

Want proof?

Togashi himself knows this little gremlin is a bottomless pit of angst and hangry

He could easily eat you and 12 of your friends out of house and home and still have the audacity to wonder why ya’ll stressed 🙄

Hello grew up in an environment where food was not guaranteed every day so any food he got, he wasn’t wasting a crumb

Even if he’d been given a giant demon bug leg, best believe he’s eating it

Waste not want not as they say

The only food he’s very sus about is mushrooms 🍄

Especially when talking about demon world mushrooms, a lot of them are very hard to identify wether they’re poisonous or so he tends to avoid them

Unless Kurama is there to tell him it’s poisonous or not

He’ll never admit it out loud but he LOVES human food so much!

It’s so flavorful!

His favorite dishes are meaty rice and noodle dishes

Honestly any dishes with meat are an instant hit with him 🍖

But his all time favorite dishes are the spicy ones

The spicier the better 🌶️🌶️🌶️

His spice tolerance is otherworldly

I’m 99.99% sure he could eat lava and not react

To this day, Yusuke and Kurama are trying to find a dish or pepper spicy enough to make Hiei sweat

They so far have not been successful 😔

Honestly not sure they will succeed any time soon

Mf pops Carolina reapers into his mouth like popcorn 🍿 🌶️

[princescribbler]

Fun 'Little' Activities for Playing At Home!

Run out of fun ideas for entertaining your little one, adult baby, or regressed subby partner? Here are some very quick and easy at-home activities that'll make almost any Little feel extra cute, regressive, and happy!

Treasure map: hide an object (like a stuffie, key to their cage, or diapee change) and leave a ridiculously convoluted set of clues. Make a treasure map, give riddles, make something cute and fun and I guarantee your little one will remember it for ages! The more complicated and silly, the better! Maybe it's a map to "mommy cove" or "the dead pirate snugglebeard's" lost treasure! Have fun with this!

COLOR MATCHING! This is easy: use any colored markers, pens, or pencils to make a nice long list of colors... and send your little out to find matches. Perfect gray rock, little one! Aww the red of your apple isn't quite the right fit, go look for something else red! Seriously... it's a short and simple activity to set up but leaves the little feeling special, cute, and blushy for their caregiver! Plus... it's silly little fun!

PAPER AIRPLANE CONTEST! EVEN IF it's just you two alone, make it fun! Tape a landing zone goal on the ground across the apartment, give your little a sticker for the "best designed" paper airplane, see whose can go further... and then help your little win, so they feel cute and pandered to and adorable! You'll notice them making lots and lots of paper airplanes for weeks after, because it made them feel so cute and special and little!

"Kid" science projects: from the baking soda volcano to growing your own rock candy, it's all available online, will make your little one feel silly but cute, and let them indulge their curious, wondrous little side a bit! Extra points if it's something really fun like the rock candy or something new and cool they've never seen before!

Biodegradable bird feeders: from orange peels to larger veggies, you can make a simple bowl or small bird feeder that's biodegradable and isn't a commitment to keeping a permanent bird feeder. BUT... since it's biodegradable and cheap, you won't mind if your cute little one goes a bit crazy and makes 3, or 4, and excitedly points out every bird that stops for a nibble. If you need extra detailed instructions, just look up biodegradable feeders or 'orange peel birdfeeder' and you'll get plenty of online advice!

Pool (or bath) party! By which I mean things like issuing craft supplies to make a cute boat out of a pool noodle, or letting your little cut up a sponge to make it a cute animal shape, or let the little one specially decorate and color on a favorite pool/ bath toy for them to play with at bath time! It's even more fun if you can enjoy a little VERY MINOR splashing and playing in the water.

MAZES! Well, drawing them at least. Have you and your little sit down and draw a maze for the other person... extra points if the big uses nice fine pencils and pens and the silly little only gets thick markers and crayons! Maybe even a competition: who can finish the other one's first! And obviously: no cheating!

Kink bucket list! Have the little and/or caregiver make a fun list of neat activities, kink included, they've always wanted to do and make a goal to check one off the list every month! Maybe it's very 'mature' like a daddydom wanting to make their little one climax with no touching... or maybe it's cute and silly, like wanting to take a little to the zoo with pullups under their big boy/big girl clothes! Regardless... it's never too early to start ticking things off your list!

There's no time like today for making your little feel loved and cute and regressive and special. And there is generally nobody that your little one wants to play with more than their caregiver! So have fun, let yourself be cute and silly right along with them, and as always...

Stay Happy, Stay Healthy, and Stay Kinky!

-Scribbler

[yanderecrazysie]

Public Sex with Kageyama

DAY 9 OF KINKTOBER

Kink: Public Sex

Pairing: Kageyama Tobio x Reader

WARNINGS: NSFW, public sex

You love your boyfriend, but he’s always been a little uptight.

He’s vanilla in bed and, while you enjoy every moment of it, you wish he’d be a little more adventurous. That’s why, when the idea occurs to you, you decide to put your plan in action as soon as possible.

The movie isn’t one you particularly want to see, but you pretend like you’ve been wanting to go see it your entire life. A chick flick, something Kageyama would also find no interest in.

Kageyama trudges over, balancing a huge bucket of popcorn and two sodas. He knows you well enough to guess which one you’ll want and puts on the exact amount of butter that you both like. He’s an amazing boyfriend.

You take the sodas from him so he’ll have an easier time and the two of you make your way to theater 3, where the movie will start in just a few short minutes. When you walk inside, you thank your lucky stars that there’s not too many people inside and no kids. The back rows are all empty and Kageyama’s surprised that you head for a back corner.

“Don’t you want to get a little closer so you can see?” He asks, confused.

“No, not this time,” you hope that you don’t come off as too suspicious. You don’t want him to insist. Thankfully, he just shrugs and follows you into the row.

The movie starts after a few commercials and it’s just as boring as you’d predicted. Kageyama looks about ready to fall asleep. You wait until the main character starts kissing the love interest to make your move.

Your hand sneaks onto Kageyama’s thigh before sliding onto his crotch, giving his dick a gentle squeeze through his pants. You feel it immediately spring to life in your hand, hardening a little.

Kageyama whisper-yells at you, “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Just trust me, babe,” you pout, “Please?”

To your surprise, Kageyama leans back in his seat and, although his gaze is unsure, he gives you a small nod. Through his jeans, your hand strokes his hardening length until there’s a visible bulge in his pants.

Your fingers make quick work of the button at the top of his jeans and then the zipper. Your hands dip inside his boxer shorts and wrap around his hardened cock. Quickly, you pull it free and the cock springs up, hitting Kageyama’s shirt, oozing a little precum onto it. 

You rub a finger against the head of his cock, making large circles and sliding across the slit. Kageyama lets out a soft hiss and he tries to contain his reactions to the pleasure. Your hand slides lower and grips the base, moving upwards, feeling every vein against your soft skin. 

Kageyama’s shifting in his seat, his hands in tight fists and his lip pulled under his teeth. He’s obviously doing his very best not to moan out loud, considering he’s surprisingly vocal in bed.

You stroke up and down, your thumb still playing with the mushroom head. You push down a little, opening the slit a little more, before rubbing against it again.

Precum coats your thumb, but you don’t care. If anything, it turns you on more.

You lean over and lick the head, tasting the salty pre on your tongue. You hold back a moan of your own as you start to take him into your mouth. You bob your head as you take more and more of him inside, swirling your tongue around his length.

Kageyama’s letting out muffled moans now, a hand shakily resting on the back of your head before gently pushing down, forcing you to take even more of his cock into your throat. You move up and down, tracing a particularly large vein with your tongue as you do so.

Kageyama’s fingers tangle in your hair, warning you that he’s getting close. On the movie screen, you hear the couple moaning and assume that they’ve gotten to the scene that gave it an R rating. Perfect!

Kageyama lets out a grunt, slamming his hips upwards until it hits the back of your throat, making you gag a little. Cum coats your throat as he hits his high, and you gratefully swallow it all, running your tongue across the tip to greedily gather up every drop.

You pull off of his cock with a pop and grin at him, licking your lips before tucking his spent member back into his boxers.

“You never really wanted to see this movie, did you?”

“Not even remotely.”

[nostalgicamerica]

True story:

Shortly after my folks moved to Northen Michigan I fell in love with fishing.  It is a love affair that still haunts me today as an old man.

Not far from the house we called home, there was a small pond.  If it was more than fifty yards wide I’d be shocked, and maybe it was twice as long.  One end of the green jewel was so overgrown with bull rushes and lily pads it was unfishable.  

On the other side was a dilapidated dock that someone had constructed years before.  It was falling apart and riddled with broken or missing boards, rusty nails, and it was perfect for 8 or 9 year old anglers.

A coffee can full of worms, a couple of rods outfitted with Zebco reels (which were like as not filled with 20 pound test line), and all the misplaced enthusiasm in the world were all we needed.

I can assure you the Pumpkin Seeds and Blue Gills and Sunfish we caught were not of any appreciable size - maybe the size of my palm which was considerably smaller than it is now.  It didn’t matter.  

There was joy in watching that bobber do a little dance before disappearing under the algae-covered surface.  There was joy in reeling in the line and just knowing the catch was going to be a record.  There was joy as boys learned to become men.

Who knows how many fish we caught.  The Good Lord knows I don’t, but by the time we headed home we had probably 75 - 100 fish in a five gallon bucket.

Don’t ask why we kept them, or what we were going to do with them.  I have no idea what our intent was now, and I sure didn’t then.  They were too small to eat and we didn’t know how to clean them.  I don’t recall being overly fond of eating fish anyway.

I do recall hearing Dad laughing through the window from the kitchen after he told us we’d have to clean them without his help.

What we did was fill a plastic wading pool with a hose and dump the impromptu school of fish into the heavily chlorinated water and then admired the flashing green and blue and red swarm splash around until dinner time.

I like to think we were just protecting them from possible predators - cats, maybe, or neighborhood kids, but who knows.  When Mom called us in to wash up for dinner, we slid the pool into the garage behind Mom’s car, and pulled down the door, confident our slowly dying fish were safe.

I don’t know if all 8 and 9 year-olds are brain dead, but my brother and I were.

The following morning dear old Mom and Dad piled us all into the camper and rolled out for a trip to some part of the American West.  Two weeks of seeing new things, eating bad food and puking, getting car sick and puking, and sleeping in sleeping bags and puking.  And sometimes, just puking for the sake of puking.

I don’t recall thinking even once of our pool full of fish the entire two weeks we were gone.

When the camper pulled into the driveway at home and the dirty, sweaty, stinking mess of us poured out of the tenement on wheels, Dad opened the garage door and darn near fell over from the nastiest stench I have ever smelled before or since.  It was so strong I could almost taste it.

After collecting himself, Dad made my brother and I look at the stew we had created.  The blues and greens and reds were no longer.  A thick, black and brown congealed soup filled the wading pool.  I like to think I imagined the occasional glazed eyeball staring blankly up at the rafters.  

I puked.

He made us drag the pool out of the garage and dump the mess in the field behind the house and clean the plastic shell with the hose.  No amount of hosing was going to salvage that pool and, to my knowledge, it was never again used to cool off toddlers or anything else for that matter.

Mom had been pretty stoic about the whole episode until she went to use her car.  The garage and everything in it smelled like the fetid bowels of hell.

My brother and I spent days cleaning and scrubbing the inside of her car.  Scouring and sprinkling baking soda and vacuuming and letting it air out helped a little, but I promise you I could still smell that horrid blackness two months later when Mom made Dad take it down and trade it in for something else.

-

I have fished some fantastic waters since that summer, and have caught some magnificent fish, most of which I return to the water.  

And yes, I still feel that same joy I felt as a boy watching my bobber.  

[myreygn]

If you're still doing the First Impressions Character ask game:

Askeladd; Tanizaki (bsd); Tendou (haikyuu!!); Akaza (demon slayer)

-soda

uaaah so many characters at once :D thanks for asking soda!! already did askeladd here

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸¸♫·¯·♪¸¸♩·¯·♬¸¸

Tanizaki

First impression

aw man he's cute too bad he's a terrorist

Impression now

i'm so soft for him i'm not even kidding, he's adorable to me and i'm so invested every time he does anything remotely out of his comfort zone because i just want him to succeed

Favorite moment

hands down when he threw himself out of a moving car and kenji caught him i'm so normal about this scene

Idea for a story

i really really really wanna write some atsutani, this ship took my heart by storm and just anything cute and fluffy for them is on my writing bucket list (also i have this nsfw draft of soukoku ft tanizaki sitting in my drafts that i'll never finish but psht)

Unpopular opinion

despite some of their scenes being uncomfortable af his relationship to naomi is actually really sweet and i wish they left the creepy stuff out so i could enjoy them without having to explain myself 💀

Favorite relationship

love tanizaki and kenji actually, they're besties in my head

Favorite headcanon

strikes me as someone who stress bakes

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Tendou

First impression

funfact tendou and makoto tachibana from free! have the same german voice actor and because i watched both of these shows in german my first reaction was turning to my sister like "holy shit is that makoto"

Impression now

he's so fun to me, i never have a bad time watching tendou do anything. i'm reading the manga rn and his commentary throughout the karasuno vs nekoma match is my favorite thing in the world

Favorite moment

it doesn't matter if you don't understand what he's saying it's all about the delivery

Idea for a story

oh hmm... good question actually lol. something tensemi idk i don't write him often

Unpopular opinion

he deserved to be bullied for that bowl cut (I'M KIDDING)

Favorite relationship

i mean we all love the ushiten dynamic but honestly tensemi will always be special to me, i live for their dynamic

Favorite headcanon

with haikyuu i never know what's canon and what's headcanon- i like to think that he got his buzzcut on a whim and then spent 10 minutes crying in front of the mirror, cradling his hair in his arms

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Akaza

First impression

i was so scared for kyojuro lemme tell you but his soundtrack was too cool i couldn't resist the epicness

Impression now

there's rarely been a character that's both so funny and so sad to me. everything about him cracks me tf up but if i think about him for more than five seconds i will start crying

Favorite moment

the moment when he sinks into koyuki's arms kills me. every. time.

Idea for a story

i really wanna do a character study with him at some point and focus on his relationship to humanity/monstrosity i just need a scenario i can weave this into

Unpopular opinion

idk what to put here so i'm just gonna say PUT SOME GODDAMN SHOES ON I DON'T NEED YOUR FEET IN MY FACE EVERY OTHER PANEL BY GOD

Favorite relationship

i fuck so hard with him and douma because douma holds all the cards in that relationship and i live for toxic imbalanced dynamics

Favorite headcanon

idk why but i like the idea that he sleeps every now and then just for the heck of it. and when he does he dreams but he never remembers them when he wakes up

[fanficwriter284]

Circus

Requested by the lovely @eisoptrophobe

Gloria belongs to @twyz

And Chelsea (She's yellow this time because Glen's in this fic and I wanna avoid confusion)

The Rays had finally arrived at their final destination, after being stuck in mind-numbing traffic for hours on end. Which had sent the infamous redhead into an agitated mood. However, his anger quickly faded upon seeing his kids' expressions to their final destination. The Circus. In all honesty, Chucky was shocked that they were even still around since people rarely left their houses these days. Why leave the comfort of your own home to deal with annoying people, that simply got in your way? He quickly regained his train of thought for it to only be run off the rails, by Tiffany, who was trying to touch up the makeup she forcefully applied onto his face, to cover up his many scars.

"God damn Tiff stop"

The blonde retracted her hand, giving an annoyed eye-roll, and playfully pinched his cheek.

"Goddamn it woman"

He couldn't help but grin shaking his head trying to conceal his expression.

"MOM DAD HURRY UP"

"Glenda they're aging you gotta give them time to get here, Dad already walks with a cane"

"HEY! First, I ain't even walking my damn cane. Second, I need it for my damn limp, second your Ma's slow poke. It ain't me"

"Asshole"

"Hurry Up! I wanna get one cotton candy"

"I just wanna get inside"

After what felt like forever the family finally gathered all their sacks and other junk foods and took their seats. Chucky had a massive bucket of popcorn with loads of buttery deliciousness, with it seeming to glow golden, Tiffany with her own because her husband doesn't like sharing. Glen with a large grape soda, and a cinnamon pretzel, Glenda with loads of gummies and a soda, Gloria her own cotton candy and a drink, and Chelsea with a churro, water and napkins because she isn't getting a single stain on her marron suit.

While they had been waiting Chucky was scrolling through his phone, ad texting. When the flashy lights and music came on Tiffany elbowed him, to get him off the screen. He groaned yet he complied, putting his device on silent. They watched as the first few performers to the stage. They were all dressed in fancy outfits, bright and shiny grabbing the attention of all the people in the area who came to watch the show. They had done wild tricks flipping in the air, and leaping from great heights. Everyone in the crowd clapped and cheered, watching the show in amazement. Another act entered with a motorcyclist, circling the bottom area, and trapezing artist swinging from the ceiling. Animals had been brought out, doing all sorts of fancy tricks, getting the crowd's cheers of glee.

"Damn even I'll admit that was cool"

Gloria took a handful of popcorn from her dad's bucket and nodded in agreement. Chucky gave her an eyebrow raise and let it slide, he was willing to share with his kids.

"Yeah"

Chelsea tugged a bit on her sister's sleeve and motioned for her to share some of the cotton candy. Her older sister handed it to her and continued watching the show. The youngest of the Ray took a smile bit and squinted her eyes, the treat was too sweet for her liking, and took a sip of her water, handing the candy back to Gloria. The twins were locked in with watching the show.

"How much you wanna bet the tiger eats him"

"It won't eat him"

"You don't know that.....I'm going with 20"

"...Oh Glenda"

The clown act had taken root, with all of the clowns goofing around, making gags trying to get a laugh out of the crowd. Glenda elbowed Chucky smirking widely.

"Hey dad....that one looks like you"

".....very funny"

The show eventually came to an end with the vast amounts of performers bowing and waving at the crowd, enjoying the vast amount of praise. The Rays had exited throwing away popcorn buckets, empty wrappers, and soda.

"Oh shoot.....looks like there's gonna be traffic"

".............DAMNIT"

[tomatosoupa]

nieces

Today, I am grateful for my nieces. I have two. One is three years old and the other is four weeks old. The four week old shares a birthday with one of my best friends. And the three year old shares a birthday with Josh Hutcherson and Hugh Jackman, so that's cool.

I got to spend the day with them today though and it was just awesome. My sister and brother in law and their two daughters came for my graduation yesterday and are staying for the weekend. We all spent the day outside in the sun. I started my hot girl summer off right with a cold Coke, a skimpy little swimsuit and a bucket hat and flip flops. I managed to avoid manual labor by making snacks and refilling waters and sodas.

Then, once the pool was clean, we splashed around in the little bit of water as the pool filled back up. I also got to hold the newborn for like a good half hour and she is the cutest thing ever. I don't want kids but she made my baby fever so bad. I still don't want my own kids, but I want my nieces.

I do kinda want kids though. I gotta get my Noah and Elizabeth dream with Brandon. I'm just scared of having kids. But he's fine either way which is great. I love him so much. I can't wait to go to college with him. And get married of course. I really wish he could've come to my graduation though. But I still love him.

[ember373]

1/1/24 2:50 pm

It’s a new year. Usually that means fresh starts and new beginnings, right? But what does it mean if you wake up to a smoke filled house? Please don’t tell me it means my new year will be ‘fiyah!’. I don’t believe it.

The oppressor and his little protege left this morning to catch a train for a family trip only they were privy to. I sound bitter about that, but really, I’m not. Not in the way you would think anyhow. Perhaps I’ll address that later, if I remember. It started with his loud voice at 6 in the fucking morning telling her to hurry up and that they’re late. No, jackass, nobody in the house is trying to sleep. Asshole. They finally leave and I think ahhh…the bliss that is sleep will return. But then I hear some damn repetitive noise that lulls me from sleep and fully wakes me up. At 6:30 in the freaking morning. It’s Princess’ alarm. That she forgot to turn off. oh joy. Settle that piece of business, take care of some bathroom biz, and settle in to try to get some more shut eye.

Only to wake up to “fire, fire” and loud beeping. All through out the gawdamn house. I get up and go to see what’s setting off the alarms. Nothing upstairs but there seems to be smoke in the stairway leading downstairs? So I go down and the whole downstairs is filled with smoke. What the? I go in the man cave and it’s so freaking thick, and I immediately go to the fireplace. Yup. Fire burning there. I open the sliding back door to let the smoke out and then find some tongs to open the flue. then I open some more windows before finding a bucket to fill with water to douse out the remaining flames on a durga flame log. What the ever living fuck. You have got to be kidding me.

Not one to keep my mouth shut, I text his Overlord. Told him omg…you closed the flue and fire was going and now the whole house is filled with smoke. Not wanting him to panic, I proceed to tell him that I have it handled, I turned off the central heat, opened all the windows in the house, and even called non emergency 911 to let them know that if a neighbor calls them because they can hear alarms going off in my house for a while, that I have it handled and they don’t need to send anyone. The operator asks if she should send an ambulance to check for cO2 poisoning just in case. Thinking of the large ambulance bill, I tell her no. The only ones home were me, the middle child, and his friend. They were in his room, with the door shut, and the window wide open because that room gets hot. So they didn’t have any smoke in that room. The only one that would have been affected would be me. But I’m not incurring a large bill because of that. I’m fine. So I tell her don’t worry, we’re all fine. I then proceed to look up signs of cO2 poisoning.

Dizziness, upset stomach, headache, etc. hmm. I feel fiiiiine. Although a bit later I start to get a headache. A few hours later after I eat lunch, I get a bit nauseous. But I didn’t pass out and I didn’t throw up so I’m sure I’m fine. lovely visions of going to sleep and not waking up start to entice me as I continue to clean up the mess.

And by clean up, I mean just go around and light candles to try to get rid of the smell. I also made up bowls of vinegar and trays of baking soda to try to absorb smell. Of course the laundry room is right off the man cave so all of the clean clothes now smell like we spent a weekend around a camp fire. I dump all the baskets and pull all the clothes of hangers to rewash EVERYTHING. Oh joy. I was almost caught up on laundry too. grrrr.

Oh, and his lovely reply to my afore mentioned text? I didn’t feel it. it just had a small piece of wood left. I was afraid of it getting cold if I left it open. sorry.

I about broke down. Still fighting it, if I’m being honest. A small sorry and he goes about his lovely planned day of frivolity and fun. No is there anything I can do. No suggestions to help. Just sorry and then a few pics of the princess and her spoiled cousin sleeping on the train. Thanks.

I messaged A to let him know what happened. I don’t what I was expecting. sympathy? Like I would get that. I mean, I got a oh that sucks type of message. I just told him I probably wouldn’t be on much today and left it at that. What was I expecting? For him to ask what he could do to make me feel better? pffft. He just left me alone like I asked and went back to whatever it is he does all the day the 15 minutes he’s not talking to me.

And it just…hit me. How cruel the universe really is. Be it lessons or just the inhumane desire for it to kick me while I’m down repeatedly and not let up. Universe is on my side my ass. Oh but it doesn’t give you lessons you can’t handle? bull fucking shit. That’s a load of crock people say to make themselves feel better. If I wasn’t so damn stubborn, I’d be dead by now. Do you know I actually got pissed off when I was reading how cO2 poisoning can cause death? I thought to myself, you stupid bitch-here you had the perfect opportunity to end it all and you let it slip through your fingers. I could have just let that fire burn and let it fill up the whole gawdamn house indefinitely until I inhaled so much of it I just wouldn’t wake up. It wouldn’t be like anyone would think I did it on purpose. Perfect opportunity. gah!!

But no. I had to do the responsible thing and get my ass up and find the cause and then clear the smoke. It’s not that I want to live or some part of me wants to live. Nope. I’m just a stupid bitch who didn’t see her perfect opportunity. So I’m still locked in this life for who knows how long. My mom is in her 80’s. Her 80’s!!! I don’t want to be around that long. Pointless.

And ever since the overlord got that TBI, I’m even more stuck. I don’t feel right leaving, not when his brain isn’t 100% there. And this fire? I won’t say it out loud, but this is probably residual brain trauma. He thinks he has all his executive decision making abilities back, but I know he doesn’t. And I can’t say shit because then he gets angry and takes it out on me. Just like he did everything with the TBI. I can’t ever get anything right. I try to keep him in the hospital until he’s fully cleared and everyone else pushes him to leave so I sit back and watch him leave. With no home recovery instructions. Nothing. And everyone asking me how he’s doing, don’t leave him alone, while he’s yelling at me not to talk to anyone and to leave him alone. His once slow burn temper has turned into a hot fierce flame spot. Sure it calms down quicker, but that’s because he’s not letting it build up and letting things be calm for any amount of time. It’s always insta anger. Idk which is worse. Not knowing when he’ll explode, or knowing he’ll explode all the time at anything I do. The doc told me I shouldn’t let him make managerial decisions so I let his work know because he WAS TEXTING THEM and what do they do? They tell him 2 fucking days later. So he can yell at me. The financial shit? my fault. Never mind he’d set a fucking bathroom remodel that never had anything signed regarding financing so I had to get cash out and pay with cash and credit card because it was too late to cancel. But that was wrong too. I “wiped out” his bank account. And the way he said it made you think I did it on purpose.

I’m still dealing with back lash from that damn TBI. IT TAKES A YEAR TO HEAL. At least. But he’s so convinced he’s 100% that he won’t listen to anybody. Until he’s feeling repercussions that is, and then he gets mad that all the people he yelled at to stop talking about it actually stopped talking about it with him because, you know, they should ask him how he is and show they fucking care. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! CAN’T WIN!!!

So even if my scared pansy ass got up the nerve to leave, I don’t feel comfortable or safe doing so because he’s still dealing with this brain injury. At first, I thought maybe it was the universe’s way of setting me free. His temper now surely can’t handle the things I do. But nope. Seems he’s even more steadfast since I helped him through it and continue to be “his rock”. I don’t want to be his damn rock. Where is my damn rock?!?

Well, what about A you might think. Yeh. no. I think he genuinely cares for me, but he doesn’t have it in him to really care about me. He only stays because I make it convenient for him. I don’t talk to him about my feelings hardly. I try to stick to things he likes. I try to appear upbeat and worshipful, which is easy when all we do is communicate by text. I make it very easy for him to use me and not have to give a damn. *sigh* He does try. I know he does. but…would it kill him to do something for christmas or my birthday when I’m always doing things for him? I even tried to tell him I’d stop because everything I do is stupid, but he said he’d be sad. So he wants me to do things for him while he doesn’t do anything for me. Last year he at least told me he was thankful I was in his life along with the Merry Christmas. Some very hard to say for him heartfelt words. But this year? I got a well, whatever, Merry Christmas, I’m going to bed, because he was mad at his family.

I’m just so tired. so bone crushing soul aching tired. My job is crazy and not as fulfilling as it used to be. I mean, I like it, but it’s kinda hard when I know it will never be able to support me if I ever left. And by that time, I’ll be even older and unemployable. With no medical. no benefits. No vacation or paid time off. working my ass off always anxious as to whether I’ll hit enough hours or not.

I just don’t know how much longer I can live like this. My kids don’t really need me. I want out of my marriage. A could probably care less if I left or, at the most, would be sad but would quickly move on. I’m not needed or really desired by anyone that gives a damn to stop and think what would possible make me happy and then try to do it. I’m just here to take care of everyone and try to guess what they truly need while they half ass it and don’t really pay attention or listen to me. I’m drowning and nobody gives a flying fuck. And, I mean, why should they? I’m not that great. lmao. I’m just a short, fat, old, weird looking chick who’s so love and attention starved that she’s constantly doing things for other people desperately hoping someone will do something for her and getting bread crumbs. But ya know… I’m fat so they probably think I should have anything more than that. ha!

I hate this life. I really do. I love my kids. I love most of my family. Ok. all of my family. I care about my friends. but I really don’t have anything bringing me joy. the joy people feel that makes them hold on to life and want to keep living. But here I am. And here I’ll be. I’ll probably live to be 120. In misery the whole time. Because I’m an ungrateful bitch who doesn’t know how to be thankful for what she has. Someone else can have it, ok? Can I just not exist anymore? sure, people will be sad, but they’ll get over it. all of them will. there’s not a person on this planet who would be devastated by my death. I’m sure they would all say they would, but I know it’s not true. idk. Maybe it’s the tism. maybe I just don’t understand things. Either way…I’m just done man. Even the cards hold nothing for me. I’m just existing one day to the next, trying to make people happy, but all the while dying inside and wishing I wasn’t here.

Ok. Useless whining over. It’s almost time to switch laundry again. I’ll go back to keeping it all to myself and pretending to be ok because oh yeh, did I mention I don’t even have a therapist anymore? The universe continues to prove to me that it hates me with a passion. You can’t change my mind on this.

[sometimesfoodie]

Boo! I’m Still Blogging!

Happy Meal Halloween Eve-Eve! After my midnight Mountain Dew and cup of Death Wish coffee, I treated myself to some extra sleep, which is why today's post is later than normal.

Yesterday, after work, I called 12 different McDonalds locations and completed my trio of 2022's Boo-Buckets. Before that, I hadn't eaten anything from McDonalds in years, so it was quite the adventure. 

McDonald's and I have a bit of a history. As a kid, we ate it occasionally. Mainly when we were with my birth father. Hot cakes in styrofoam trays, circular sausage patties, happy meals, and as I got bigger (and hungrier) my go-to was the 2-cheeseburger meal with fries and a coke. With mom, it was more-so the occasional order of nuggets with honey. Then, when I was in high school, Morgan Spurlock's, "Super Size Me," was released and I was obsessed. Not so much with the overall experiment of eating junk food every day and it being bad for you (pretty obvious outcome) but more-so probing into the global phenomenon that was McDonalds, and how something familiar and recognizable around the world could be a bad thing. All with quick editing, funny songs, and amazing artwork. I even brought it with me to school when we had the option to watch movies in class, but most people opted for Mean Girls instead.

"Super Size Me," killed it's namesake, put a negative spin on the company, and triggered mockumentary style copycats like, "Super High Me." To this day, out of all the fast food chains, McDonalds is still short-hand for overconsumption and unhealthy eating in America, in spite of it being a global chain. 

Spurlock has also fallen from grace. After a sexual harassment allegation, his infidelities, and the successor to the original, "Super Size Me 2: Holy Chicken!," being poorly received, he stepped away from the limelight. But, I was never into -him-. I was into, "Super Size Me." SUPER into it. I had this small, portable, DVD player in my teen bedroom, and the amount of times I re-watched this DVD is staggering. And, likely as a result, I just, stopped eating at McDonalds. 

I went from absolutely no McDonalds for years, to eating 5 Happy meals in the past 7 days. My own, personal, "Super Size Me." Or, a much less catchy title, "The Pursuit of Happy-Meal-ness." All for plastic buckets. 

Cashing in on Millennial nostalgia, Boo Buckets are back, and everyone 30-and-up lost their minds.  Including me. Rumors at first, buzzing through the online foodie and spooky communities, and then it was finally confirmed. We have three buckets, each an amalgamation of buckets past. 

I personally don't have memories of getting my meals in the Halloween Buckets, but we had them at my mom's house, and used them as Halloween decorations. We had to have gotten them at some point. My excitement didn't stem from personalized nostalgia of having one and eating it, more so the overarching collective nostalgia of them being a familiar face on the holidays. (My love for pop culture and all things spooky and Halloween-y didn't hurt either.) 

So, I decided to try and get one. 

First stop, a local McDonald's that had them listed for sale on their app. They had them, but didn't say which bucket. The double-wide drive-thru had lines wrapped around the building, so I went inside to order. It's so different! Ordering screens to bypass cashiers, fancy soda machines with touch screens, and the poor staff running around like crazy to take care of impatient customers in cars and delivery apps. (Anyone mean to fast food employees is a dick.)

I approached the large 2001: A Space Odyssey-looking monolith-screen, placed my order, and shortly after I was handed two white ghost buckets, one for me, and one for my sister. Ghost is the bottom tier bucket. Too simple. Too blobby. I had been hoping for goblin/witch, or pumpkin. I was like, "this is fine." And it was, until it wasn't. 

After a rough night the next day, my friend called other locations, found the pumpkin ones, went out and got them for us as a little pick-me-up. (Really appreciated it!) McPumpkin achieved!

But now I had 2/3. Dare I complete the set? I originally didn't think so. Went to work, everything was fine, then a bunch of stuff went south right before closing Friday night. Tired and stressed (drinking all that caffeine this week didn't help), I got into my car, and called 12 different locations. I found the last bucket, the McGoblin, which is very obviously a misnamed witch. Drove out, got one for my sister, my friend, and I, and grabbed a McRib for good measure. (Apparently it's going away forever now? We've been down this road before, but I figured, Mcfuck it, why not?) 

We each have the full trio! Happy and complete, but my stomach can't say the same thing. 

In my pursuit, I have eaten several cheeseburgers, fries, kids-size sodas, and half a McRib. All within a week's time. My collectible-monkey-brain is satisfied, but my insides are full of McDisappointment. 

The first cheeseburger I ate, made me feel weird childhood things. It tasted familiar, but also, as an adult who loves to cook now, it also didn't really taste like food? Like, the burger patty has a texture that I have no idea how to achieve in home cooking. It's difference in quality is like, a boardwalk prize-stuffed animal vs. a stuffed toy you buy in the store. It's a bit mean, but this is the wet-newspaper of burgers, topped with salt, pepper, a slice of cheese, ketchup, yellow mustard, and the teeny tiniest diced onions. (I always loved their tiny onions, but White Castle does it better.) Eating it left me craving real food, but, seeing that paper yellow wrapper, made me feel like I was a kid again. 

Next bucket, pumpkin, I opted for the same cheese burger meal. This one was prepared a bit better and tasted more like I remembered it being in my childhood. More sauce-forward, with lots of ketchup and mustard. Originally I dreaded eating it again so soon, but then I finished my meal no problem. And the nostalgia of seeing the yellow paper wrapper still hadn't worn off. It tasted kind of sad, but not sad enough to dull my warm fuzzy feelings. 

Yesterday, I did it again! I got the green bucket with yet another cheeseburger. This time swapping one of our sodas for the orange Hi-C drink we got as kids, and went full nostalgia. And you know what? I liked the cheeseburger even more this time? Maybe the addictive nature of fast food really is no joke. Am I playing with McFire? It was already getting more familiar, and having it tied to happy Halloween and childhood feelings is probably a dangerous combination. 

The McRib thankfully extinguished that flame the moment it started. I was pretty sure I had reviewed one on the blog years ago, but I can't find a post anywhere, so better scoop it up on it's farewell tour.

It's bad. Really bad. Like, near dog-food bad. I hate tearing products apart, because someone out there loves this thing, but...look at it. A pork-based patty, covered in smoky BBQ sauce, topped with chunky onions, two pickles, and a soft bun. The sauce is smoky, and sweet, not great, but not bad. Onions are just onions, and McDonalds pickles are the one product I do find myself pining for after all these years. But that patty...is not food. It's so soft, texture less, and the flavor is kind of like a hot-dog with liquid smoke? Whatever goodwill the children's cheeseburgers had built, was immediately dismantled. My sister agreed. McRib was McRough. 

The spell was broken. Now that my buckets are collected, and my nostalgia sated, I can part ways with McDonalds again. This time more-so as friends. 

Also, I am still salty that these don't have real lids, but this handle-lid-abomination is McCanon. (Okay, I'll McStop.) In the 2000's this was how the buckets were released, with shaped handles. It was past my time, so I was unfamiliar with them. The buckets continued with tie-ins like, Scooby Doo and Monster High. They're legit, but I still think they're stupid. There are 3-faces per bucket, and a stationary handle made to look like the previous lids, but there is no perfect way to display them. Choosing a face results in the handle being off-center and destroying the lid-illusion. Facing it in a way that make the lid illusion work, results in being between faces. It's lose-lose! 

Even with it's faults, I have these buckets in my possession, and I am happier for it. 

This Sunday, October 30th from 2-5pm EST/US 

I'll be guesting on my friend, QueenzDragon's, Twitch stream! 

Today's post was filled with rambles, so I'll just remind you that tomorrow I'll be streaming with Halloween snacks and candy on my friend's Stream for a local cat charity. Tune in if you happen to be around!

Fans of this would also like: Burger King's HA1loween Burger, Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue (1990),  or the Ghost Bustin' Burger

Keep Up with all my posts on my official blog! Sometimes Foodie   

[ask-funnel-cake-cookie]

I miss Poppy, how's he doing?

Poppy is leaned up against the outside of the mall with a couple of friends, the three being those delinquents you hopefully remember and recognize as those garage band kids from a while ago. They just chatting it seems, the two eldest sipping on canned beers while the youngers drink smoothies.

Poppy glances away from Fanta when you call his name and gives you a nod and smile without breaking the conversation he’s having, waving to you and grabbing the other threes attention as well. They look at you and give you smiles as well, but while Fanta turns back to the talking, Nehi and Crush wave you over!