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bunbunbillion · 8 months ago

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THE BUNBUNBILLION Q1 2024 MEDIA THREAD EXTRAVAGANZA

i've been recording everything i consume for the past few months to do a media thread at the end of every quarter. and now april is over... so its time to talk about stuff!! forever!!!!!!

01/13 - Homestuck (Re-Read)

I finished re-reading Homestuck for the... 4th? 5th time? I've lost count. It's a good way to start the year though. This time around I read it with my girlfriend, who you should give all of your money too (@yinkybaginky), and it was very fun to see someones reaction to it for the first time. She knew literally nothing about Homestuck, not even what a Vriska Serket was. A truly great experience, especially thanks in part to the Unofficial Homestuck Collection. I'll probably have more to see about Homestuck in depth on a later date, so I won't bog down this post with that. It's my favorite piece of media ever, and that's all there is really to say on the matter.

01/24-01/25 - The Trolls Movies

I've been surrounded by gay people who love Trolls for the past like 5 years so I finally decided to give them a watch on a whim with my girlfriend, after catching some of the first movie in a streamers server.

They were fun! I really don't think I have much to say on them. They're kids movies, sure, but they're also just very visually great and made me go "yeah you know what some of those old pop songs WERE pretty good". I think when it came to stories I liked the first one the most just because I liked the Bergen's a lot, I thought their whole world was very well designed and all that. Don't have the most care for Branch, and Poppy is OK as a protagonist, but otherwise I had more fun with the other characters. Creature design is absolutely excellent and is what stood out to me the most of anything, though. The animation in the 3rd movie is also top notch, I really do want to see the series continue. If they do, I like the third movies approach of finding a niche to make "the thing" for the whole movie, it's a fun way of doing stuff.

We thought this shot was really funny.

1/20 - Guillermo Del Toro's Pinocchio

I was gonna watch this when it came out awhiiile ago, but just put it off forever. I saw Jacob Geller had uploaded a new video about Pinocchio, which talked about the movie and was like. Man. I wanna watch that video. Guess I'll go watch this entire movie. So I hopped into VC with Netflix on and just watched it.

It was Fucking Good!!!!!!!!!!! Every good thing you've heard about the movie is absolutely true. Do yourself a favor and just watch it. That being said, I also don't have too much to say about it! It's been a few months and it hasn't totally stuck around in my head, but that just means I get to rewatch it sometime, and I can look forward to that. It mostly made me want to watch more stop motion movies.

If I were to highlight anything, its that I love to make the movie all about death. Pinocchio as a story seems to constantly get turned into this thing all about freedom and living and how great life is and all that, but this movie completely nailed that yea. Pinocchio works so much better as a movie about death. A puppet living on a blessing against the laws of nature being used as a vessel to explore acceptance of death. It's really great.

the demons are such baddies btw

01/29 - Earthbound USA

Not the game, but the documentary put together by Jazzy Benson through Fangamer. It was absolutely fantastic. Easily my favorite game documentary I've ever watched... Because it's not really about the game.

To put into words, because I imagine 90% of people reading (not including the people I watched it with) haven't seen it or even heard of it, Earthbound USA is a documentary about specifically starmen.net and Earthbounds western fanbase.

The doc highlights basically every aspect of Earthbound in the west. They talk to the people who translated the game, who made the marketing campaign, the fans who bought the game day one, the translator of the MOTHER 3 fan translation, they talk about Earthbound Zero, about the virtual console releases, the quest to get MOTHER 3 officially localized and every single defeat that came with it, I mean Shigesato Itoi is just here too. It's everything you could ask for all combined with home videos from the early 2000s, an outstanding soundtrack that gives me goosebumps from Robbie Benson, it's just... So good.

I bought the DVD for the movie and streamed that to my friends, which you can get here on Fangamer, whenever they plan on restocking it at least. Or, you can watch it on streaming services listed on their website! If your a MOTHER fan, I'd say this is like, essential viewing. It may as well be official with how good it is.

01/29 - A Brief Retrospective of The Simpsons' Golden Age

I finished this the same day. I recorded this mostly as a joke, but hey if your insane and have watched every single Simpsons episode like me and want whats basically a Simpsons Summary Podcast, I recommend this 11-hour video.

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02/06 - MOTHER

A week later I couldn't get Earthbound USA out of my head, so I decided to finally sit down and go where no MOTHER fan has gone before. To the first game in the series.

It was really really good. Like, man, I don't know why I slept on it so long just because it was an NES RPG. Ok, I mean, I know why I did, it's because it's a NES RPG, but still.

This game really highlights everything that went into its two sequels to make them so good, and has so many little unique novelties about it that make it just so so memorable. The music, the writing, the places you go, it's just... So, so good. I still think the best way to get into MOTHER is to start with Earthbound, just due to how approachable it is, but if you like it and/or MOTHER 3, do not sleep on MOTHER/Earthbound Beginnings. It's just so good.

Probably use an emulator with rewind or save-states though.

i'll be fine with not hearing magicants music anymore though

02/17 - Yakuza Kiwami 2

I started this game probably years ago, and never got that far. Yakuza 0 is definitely one of my favorite games ever, and I was kind of mixed on Yakuza Kiwami, but I was enjoying the start of Kiwami 2 for sure.

How did I feel by the end?

I mean it's not BAD, per say, it's just... Not very good, either. The gameplay never really felt like it evolved much, the writing really felt like it never picked up and just kept ADDING stuff, but at least the side quests were probably the absolute best the series has given me so far. That definitely saved it for me, but man the story. It just wasn't very good.

I had a lot more thoughts after playing it, but I think think in the end it just comes down to;

Ryuji did not get nearly enough time to shine to be an impactful villian

The bastard cop was a character I was given no reason to care for, and the focus put on him did not feel earned in any way

Kiryu really did not feel that involved with everything going on

Sayama did not get nearly enough agency in this story

As for the twists, I didn't like how many there were at first, but I think by the end there were just so many twists I was like. Yeah nvm this is so fucking stupid it owns. So good on them for that!

I don't think I'll ever replay the main story for this game, but I will absolutely come back to those side quests, they're so good I don't want to spoil a single one. I am also really enjoying Yakuza 3 so far, so that's a we might just be back regardless.

the selfie feature is really funny. you really feel like your some 40 year old dad.

02/22 - Pokemon Scarlet and Violet: The Hidden Treasures of Area Zero - Epilogue

I have a lot of thoughts on Pokemon Scarlet & Violet. I am a HUGE Pokemon freak, like omega huge freak levels of such. I will claw and bite tooth and nail defending Sword and Shield any fucking day of the week. I think Scarlet and Violet are like, painfully mid games in such a disheartening way. I still enjoyed a lot of it, but man it's so held back by... everything, really.

And the DLC fixed I'd say about none of it. In fact, I'd go as far to say the 2 DLC stories only highlight and strengthen every single problem scarvi has as a game and it disheartens me, so, so so much. Unlike the Sword and Shield epilogues, which expanded upon the best parts of the game and experimented with brand new formats as prep for the next generation, scarvi kinda just does. Nothing. It's more Scarlet and Violet, slime grease and all.

Kitakami is... Ok, I guess? It's an exceptionally uninteresting region with absolutely no landmarks that stand out in my mind. The story in it is pretty subpar, it's a really annoying kind of "player has no control over a misunderstanding" narrative in a really obnoxious way and by god I'll say it I never really get a reason to care about Kieran. He's not bad by any means, I mean he's just a kid, but really I don't feel like I'd ever call him a friend. The story with the Loyal Three and Ogrepon is really cute though, I do love that they completely flipped the story of Momotaro on its head in such a fun and unique way.

Blueberry Academy I was looking forward to much more, thinking that while Kitakami was really rushed and pretty bad, it must mean more resources were just put towards the second DLC. I was pretty wrong, it was basically just as under baked... But also still better, regardless. They introduce a lot of characters you won't really remember with this DLC, and it feels weird because it feels like there SHOULD be more to these characters, but it's all confined to a pretty short campaign.

The story is pretty ok, and I like what they did with Kieran here, but the second you beat him in the champion fight the story like, immediately halts the breaks and everything stops mattering. I really thought Drayton might've been set up as an interesting antagonist, someone subtly bullying Kieran and egging on how he is, but in the end he's just a well meaning friend who's just eccentric. All the other trainers basically disappear as well, and Kieran reverts back to how he was before all this for the most part. Then the story with Terapagos has to happen, and you get the return to Area Zero, except with your new friends you've barely built bonds with and Briar instead.

Similar to Drayton, I thought Briar might've been getting set up to be a bit fucked up. She's pretty obsessed with Area Zero and proving that Heath was right, and that feels like obvious easy set up for a villain right? Obsession is kind of the text book villain motive, especially in a series like Pokemon. But, no, like Drayton, Briar is actually exactly as she seems, and there's nothing underneath.

Unfortunetly, Area Zero itself was also not as interesting on revisit. I imagine it was the far lower budget, but it ends up mostly just being a very basic crystal-cave environment, without that really fascinating hollow-earth vibe Area Zero has in the base game. You're also mostly just traveling alone going on fetch quests to beat mini-boss Pokemon to open up gates, so that feeling of traveling an unknown place with friends is also completely lost. In the end, Terapagos isn't much of a character at all, like Ogrepon (or Miraidon/Koraidon) are, and is just kinda There. I'm sure the anime is doing a lot more with them, given they're a main character, but man they are NOTHING in this game and it's really disappointing with how incredibly hyped up they are.

In the end though, the thing I really came out loving with the second DLC was something I didn't actually know about until after finishing the epilogue, which was the brief interaction with the Professor in Kitakami once you have Terapagos. I won't spoil it, I'd recommend going to the crystal lake in Kitakami with Terapagos in your party to see it, but it was a moment where I was really like... Damn. This story really could've been something special.

NOW WITH ALL THAT OUT OF THE WAY, it was the Epilogue that I beat this year, which acts both as a bonus to the DLC, and a Mythical Pokemon event similar to ones from the DS games. And, I gotta say.

It's easily the best thing in the entire DLC, bar none.

Despite just being a revisit to Kitakami, the Epilogue is not only better written then both of the DLC chapters, but actually shows that promise for future games like the SWSH DLC did years ago. I had a smile on my face basically the entire time.

First off, hanging out with the three friends again after they basically disappear once you beat the game is so incredibly refreshing. Just having them over to your house is the first time in a Pokemon game I've actually felt that like... Oh, I'm a kid hanging out with my friends, kind of feeling. That original inspiration the Pokemon series had was just completely captured with that, and I love it, and it continues through the entire DLC. On top of that, the DLC does a lot of very small things with its cutscenes that I felt were really missing from the main game that actually completely caught me off guard. Seamless transition between overworld cutscenes, cinematic cutscenes, and battles mainly. It feels like Pokemon games have always struggled with taking you out of the story for loading screens or transitions or letting the player wander off or something. It's hard to immerse, but with this DLC just through the most simple methods they really catch you off guard with the cutscene framing and battle starts in a way I absolutely adore, especially since your with your friends who can actually Talk for you too. Helps that all of the writing is just really funny too, I had such a good time.

Overall, I think this is where I want the Pokemon series to go. The segment of Area Zero where you travel with all your friends already stood out to a lot of people, but didn't have the most writing to back it up. Similarly, this DLC has all of the writing, but it can feel like you aren't actually traveling with your friends, as they don't follow you. I think having a Pokemon game where you travel directly with other people in a bit of a party is the way to go with expanding on Pokemon as a series, and this DLC combined with base scarvi really proves How it can work. It makes me so excited to see where we can go from here, and I can only hope they learned from all these mistakes.

wow i had a fucking lot to say about scarlet and violet dlc and i didnt even mention this thing. whatever.

02/26 - Splatoon 3: Side Order

Funny story, I actually beat Splatoon 3 on a friends copy, but on my own switch, so when this DLC came out I ended up buying an entire new copy of Splatoon 3, with DLC, and an already completed save file. So was the DLC worth 80 bucks? I mean, no, not at all, but it was extremely good!!

It came out while I was out of town with my girlfriend, so we had a lot of fun playing it together, and I think it's just overall a genius idea for a Splatoon mode. It makes me like, viscerally crave an even bigger Splatoon roguelike, but I'm also like an extreme roguelike freak. The story was super cute (my big "I <3 PEARLINA" shirt notwithstanding) and basically everything it introduces is great. I haven't actually beaten the Agent 8 locker yet, because I'm Bad At Splatoon </3, but I everything else was just so good.

im actually extremely biased, btw

02/27 - Ponyo (Rewatch)

I rewatched Ponyo with my girlfriend while I was over for the first time since I was a wee little amoeba. It was so fucking cute!!!! I really do love Ghibli movies a lot. I don't think there's a lot I can say about Ponyo, per say, at least not as much as other Ghibli movies I love like Spirited Away (my fave movie evarr), but I think this movie combined with like. Finding Nemo, Animal Jam, and going to the Houston Aquarium combined are probably why I love marine biology so much now.

02/29 - Death Note

The anime, to be specific, for the first time. Yeah, I can see why this became such a big thing with fujoshis. I get it, I understand now. I'm sorry L, I didn't know your game.

Death Note is overall both an anime of its time, and an absolute classic you should be watching. It's engaging, it's dramatic, it's funny, and there's so many points where your just like "damn are they gonna bone" about the two characters the authors 100% had no intention to be seen in that way.

It's only real problems come from the authors also having no fucking clue what to do with women in the story, and making pretty annoyingly shallow characters that get sidelined really hard. The final arc is also a bit head scratching, but it makes for good drama, so I can't really complain, even if I remember a lot less of it. Great show, great ending. Where's my Misa & Rem yuri manga series.

he really is just fucking jeff the killer huh

02/29 - Promare

Watched this with my girlfriend on a whim, cus we wanted to watch a movie together. I've been a very lowkey TRIGGER studios fan since I was a kid, watching Kill la Kill when I was way too young to be watching shows that crazy boobed, but it did definitely contribute to my transgender-ness, so you can't fault it there (you can fault it for a lot of other things though). No matter what though, when TRIGGER just randomly came out with a full feature length movie released in theaters, I was pretty interested. Which is why I didn't watch it for years.

After watching it though? Yea, that was really fun. It's not much in the way of story, very basic Minority Allegory story I think, but it's all to make way for extremely crazy action scenes and homages to all their favorite mecha anime, which like, yea props they did a great job. Character design is extremely fun, environments are super colorful, animation is what you'd expect from TRIGGER (good), and there's a lot of man tits this time around. I recommend it!

03/04 - 2001: A Space Odyssey

I'll be so fucking honest I watched this on my phone on a plane ride and I don't fucking know anything that happened. I think it was good?? I think it made sense??? I really wanted to fall asleep but I really wanted to watch the movie. It felt like it was simultaneously 4 hours long and 30 minutes. I think I should probably watch it again. I don't know why I chose to watch it on a plane. But hey, I did!

watching this shit while half awake on a dark plane felt like i was in another fucking dimension. what the hell happened

03/08 - Fortnite Chapter 5: Season 1

Hey Fortnite, I play that game! Sometimes.

I've been pretty consistently "playing" Fortnite since Chapter 2: Season 5, and I do really like the game. I love the gameplay, I love all the stupid crossovers, I loved the story, it was just a really fun time!

Well, up until like half way through Chapter 3 at least. The problem with Fortnite is that, no matter what, in the end of the day, it's still owned by Epic Games, and that means at some point, shits gonna get sloppy. I won't go over my whole history with how I feel Fortnites been on a decline since Chapter 3, but I can at least say i was pretty fucking checked out most of Chapter 4. I really didn't like it.

So, coming back on for Chapter 5? Oh shit this game is actually fun I forgot. Played a shit ton that season, actually finished the main battle pass for once, had so much fun with all the new things they added, it really feels like Fortnites back.

Oh... and there's that LEGO mode... and that rockband mode... and there's racing I guess... I didn't really touch them much but they're neat... They were pushing those modes pretty hard, I hope this isn't a sign of something to come... I'm sure they'll keep up the momentum for the next season right? Battle Royale is totally back, right?

i ended up staying up till like the last day grinding in creative to get this emote. im so glad i can make perfect cell do the bird is the word dance now.

03/12 - King of Crusher

I beat this game over on my twitch, you can catch me live playing obscure games every so often each month!! Check it out and give me money! I said mostly everything I wanted to say about it on stream, but this game was just a really fascinating little art project that was both really frustrating and really funny to play. I really wanna find more little gems like this to play, it's so ODD but fun.

03/15 - Animal Crossing (Movie)

Watched this movie as apart of a movie night with my groupchat and it was adorables so cutes! I don't think there's really anything I COULD say about this movie, but it does really make me wish Nintendo was more willing to make more stuff like it. Just a really well animated fun anime movie that's not trying to be this big thing.

the ending caught me completely off fucking guard though

03/17 - Unpacking

Similar to Animal Crossing, I don't really have a lot to say about this game besides so cutes! The story told through the environment was super adorable and I really do think back to this game a lot in a very emotional way.

That being said, I wish it was a tad longer for how expensive it was, as great as the art was lol

If you can find it on sale though, go play it!!

i was playing with my girlfriend and we ended up interpreting the main character as really hating her boyfriend. my fucking Pig of a husband wont let me put my posters on the wall. my Pigly husband. i need to Kill my Meat Pig of a Husband.

03/17 - Pizza Tower (The Noise Update)

In complete tonal contrast to Unpacking, I beat the Noise Update in Pizza Tower right after. It was, like Pizza Tower, really good, but not without its flaws.

In the time since I've played Pizza Tower, I've reflected a lot on what I love about the game and what I honestly don't care much for. I've been playing demos since the very first public one, and I've loved watching it evolve, but if there's one bit of context I've gotten that shapes how I look at the game, it's that the games creator has a really big issue with having a lot of ideas for stuff, and not really thinking about how they fit in together.

Pizza Tower is like, a REALLY good game, don't get me wrong. The movement is borderline perfect, the level design is consistently fun and flows well, the graphics are unmatched in how expressive they are, the music is some of my fave from the entire medium, but if there's one thing really holding back Pizza Tower it's that lack of focus, and I think you can boil that down to the core game design of levels.

Pizza Tower is easy to compare to Wario Land, given that's its primary inspiration, but I think it's much more akin to Sonic, which is also a major inspiration for it. The problem is, it definitely tries to apply Wario Lands brand of "wario can be anything" to sonics "levels can be anything". Sonic levels are all about super quick flashy levels you can blast through, each one having a gimmick unique to the level that you learn, master, and then use throughout the multiple zones. On the other end, Wario Land presents you with these large winding interior-like levels that you slowly (or somewhat quickly in the case of entries like WL4), navigate and solve puzzles throughout for treasure, with your main solution typically landing on how Wario himself can be controlled using various gimmicks unique to him. Your presented a gimmick, and then you remember that gimmick for the future so you can use it to solve a future puzzle. In many ways, these two games can almost feel like the opposite kind of game, only linked by being sidescrolling platformers where you can bust through walls. Pizza Tower, despite that, tries to be both, and in many ways succeeds, but cant avoid the problems that inherently comes with trying to be these two very polar ends.

Basically, I just feel theres a lot of really forgettable levels and an overall problem with gimmicks getting absolutely no chance to be explored so you can never really be rewarded in basic play for mastering a gimmick, other then replaying a level multiple times. I think less gimmicks but more places to use the same ones would be really great.

Talking about the Noise update specifically, it was just a fun retake on the main game, and made for a fun replay after not playing Pizza Tower for about a year since release. I find it really fascinating how even after changing how the entire game controls, the levels still work with minimal changes. I'm looking forward to see if they decide to change it any more in the future, and I hope whatever comes after Pizza Tower can be a much more focused experience.

03/17 - Hiveswap Act 1 (Replay)

See; Homestuck Reread. Been here a billion times, here to show my girl this time. I'll probably scream about this one later. <3

03/20 - Rescue Shot

See; King of Crusher. Another stream game! This one I liked even more, though I Really wish I had a lightgun (or could fix the mouse controls on my emulator). Incredibly adorable game with insanely good music, check out the VOD if your interested!

03/25 - Super Mario Bros. (1993)

I feel like in recent time, people have been hyping up this movie as like, secretly a really good film that people only hate because it's not a Mario movie. I'll be real, after watching it for the first time, I don't see it at all, I think this is just an incredibly funny bad movie.

Beyond not being Mario, which really doesn't matter at all, it kind of just felt like a fever dream of a script. Things kept HAPPENING there wasn't a single second to break I felt like I was in a nightmare hell dimension being blasted with insane plot beats and I couldn't keep track of anything. Without the Mario branding this would be like 10x LESS comprehensible, but good lord.

Maybe this is like, an arthouse film, and I need to watch it 12 more times and be high at least half those times, but idk I think it might actually be bad guys. Big Bertha a baddie though.

03/29 - The Croods

Another movie night with friends, we got the PRIVILEGE of watching The Croods. I saw it once when I was a kid, but I didn't really remember anything about it other then there was a character named Grug.

I now realize that the reason I remember this character is because this movie literally lied and he's the main character. It really tries to set up that the conventionally attractive main teenage girl is the protagonist but no this movie is 100% about Grug and it's so fucking Particular. Why pretend it's not about him when he becomes our sole point of view for half the film? Why pretend its about the teenage girl when she basically doesn't have any dialogue for the last 25% of the movie? What is this movie trying to say, politically? This movies a thinker. I think its a bigger thinker then 2001, honestly.

04/12 - Police Story

The first Jackie Chan movie I've ever seen and damn what a fucking good one to start with. Insanely entertaining, incredibly funny, and just a really great film! I don't think I have much else to say about it other then gush about each and every scene and how well made it is, but it really makes me wish we could get movies like this more. Just a practical effect wonderland where the main guy is just having fun with people on set. It's great.

hes kind of a babygirl

04/13 - Con Air

Actually the first time I've seen this movie, surprisingly, given my attachment to the media that has essentially co-opted this film. It wasn't good, like at all, but it was very very entertaining with friends. I didn't expect it to get so much into like, weird racism stuff?? Characters just keep appearing and getting named it's so fucking weird. What was the deal with Steve Buscemi's character, I feel like scenes were cut or something. Nick Cage was incredibly funny as the lead. It's the thing you watch with friends on 4/13, what else can I say.

why did he do this

04/19 - The Princess Bride

Honestly, I thought this one was a rewatch when we put it on in the GC, but I think I just remembered watching clips of it or seeing half of it on TV as a kid, so I'll just consider this a first time watch. It's really good! Just a fun simple movie full of extremely witty jokes. It's kind of like watching a Simpsons episode for the first time and getting to a part where they say something and you go "oh i've heard this quoted like a fucking million times, i get it now". If you haven't seen this movie, whattarya doin, go watch it!

i feel like were it not for andre being basically irreplaceable we would have a netflix reboot about these three right now. maybe that does exist already.

04/21 - PokeRogue

Half this thread is Pokemon and as I already said, I'm a roguelike freak. This game is like crack for me. That being said it's just alright. I think I'll be willing to judge it more once it's more finished and not just Pokemon in the most barebones form imaginable, coding wise. It's the basis for an extremely addicting game, and I plan on sinking even more hours into it soon. Extra points for using PMD music as well <3

im only just now finding out the rival is gendered. hey cunts let me play as a girl and get the girl rival or you hate me ok?

04/22 - The Mask (2023)

Now you may be wondering, The Mask? The movie from ten TRILLION years ago staring the homunculi known only as Jim Carrey? You'd be a fool to assume this. I am talking instead about Connor O' Malley's current best work, THAT The Mask.

There's not much I want to say about it, because I just think it's good, but if there's one thing I can say it's that Joker (2019) should be fucking embarrassed in how hard it was stood up by this short film.

Content warning for pretty heavy themes and a lot of crass jokes.

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04/23 - Sonic the Hedgehog (2020) & Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022) (Rewatch)

In preparation for the Knuckles show (which I still haven't finished), I decided it'd be nice to rewatch these two films for the first time. I haven't seen the first one since I watched it for the first time before Sonic 2, and I haven't seen Sonic 2 since I saw it at an early screening. What do I think of them now in retrospect?

Yeah, not very good films. Very fun! But damn, yea wow, I think with enough time to look back on them, there's a lot I really don't care for in them, and I'm not just talking about the human scenes.

I've been having a lot of conversations about adaptations lately, so I'll mostly summarize my thoughts here. In making an adaptation, your one mission in my eyes is maintaining what made the original loved. Not good, because that's not really a quantifiable thing. Not faithfully, because I feel you can make a good adaptation without being faithful. All you need to truly keep is the Reason people came to that piece of media originally, in my eyes. Whether that means going as hard as you can with something like The Last of Us, which essentially 1 to 1 recreates an entire video game, or be much more out there like with One Piece (Netflix), which essentially tells the same story but with wildly different circumstance and aesthetic.

The Sonic movies, in my eyes, simply don't capture that. In the first movie alone, Sonic and Eggman are essentially our only ties to the games, which is fine as long as they can nail them right, right? And, as many before me have really pointed out, no they don't really at all. Sonic isn't really like Sonic at all, he's a much younger, innocent, and hyperactive "version" of the character, and I say version in quotations because I don't really feel like with those adjectives removed he'd be all that similar to Sonic still. This is basically a new character, and that's fine, but I'd be hard pressed to say it captures what brought people to Sonic. Similarly, Eggman is very much not really similar to any iteration to Eggman at all (except maybe AoSTH?) A lot of people love Jim Carrey Eggman, and I totally get why, but man he really has never clicked with me. I think I like canon Eggman too much to let go, it's over for me.

But I'm sure anyone who's been around Sonic long enough has heard a trillion complaints about the first movie. In rewatching the second movie, I found that it moved way faster then I remembered, and just had way less.. character? Tails is so incredibly shoehorned in, which is a common complaint, but it really felt like at times Sonic was too?

In Sonic games, Sonic isn't exactly a character we put ourselves in the shoes of. Sonic is like this cool older brother we're just along with for the ride. If anything we insert ourselves (as kids) in Tails' shoes. Sonic doesn't really have an internal monologue, nor does he really tend to need a big shonen arc to overcome in his games. He's very much this vessel to explore other characters, to see how people respond to his brash and cocky personality. In that way, Sonic works really well, but can struggle really hard when he's placed all alone. He needs people to not only bounce off of, but to do the emotional side of the story in his stead. With the Sonic movies, we get this very very diffrent form of Sonic being put into this scenarios the canon Sonic wouldn't typiclaly find himself in, and see how he acts. It can work for original stories, because it's basically an original character, but that's the struggle with Sonic 2, and I worry Sonic 3 as well. They aren't fully original stories. Sonic 2 is a loose adaptation of Sonic 3 in most ways, with Knuckles being the true second character, and Tails being mostly to the side. Knuckles acts basically perfectly, like yea that's Knuckles, no notes there outside of maybe not taking his heritage seriously enough, but that's him. So how do you write this movie sonic into this adaptation with a Knuckles whos playing it basically straight like the games? Well... I mean, you kind of just... You, don't, really? Sonic is really just There sometimes, to say quips and to move the story forward. With exception to the scene where he's having a feeling jam with Knux, which I like, Sonic is very much Just There, and it feels really odd. In the games, this works because of his aforementioned status as this guy your along with for the ride, a dude whos too cool to even be the protagonist, but Sonic Movie Sonic IS the protagonist. He's meek and still learning and is far from the asshole we know in the games and comics, but implanted into a games storyline, he just doesn't have much he can do. He can't be that too cool guy that let's his friends do the talking, because he's already been set up as this superhero esque main guy who needs to learn a lesson by the end of the film, or overcome some kind of arc. It's just all odd in retrospect, and I really wonder how they're gonna tackle it in Sonic 3, especially without all the characters that make Sonic Adventure 2s gears go.

i also couldnt stop staring at his teeth in the movie. i really dont like the teeth idk why im just now noticing them.

04/25 - Pseudoregalia

Knocked this game off my backlog and I'm really happy I did! Beat the game with all the time trials done and I really do love it. I want to call it the perfect length, but really I think it was just a bit too short and I hope we can get more content in the future, I'm definitely itching for more levels and maybe even more time trials.

I can't think of much else to say about the game. I don't think I picked up on the story much at all, I'll probably have to ask my girlfriend about it sometime, but it's not exactly a big part of the game. The music was absolutely fantastic, and I adore all of the costumes for the main character. I like her design, for many obvious reasons.

For further criticism besides length though, combat feels pretty useless. There's really no point in the game where I ever feel like I have to or even SHOULD fight, and the final boss ends up losing a lot of impact because of it. Enemies just become a hazard in navigating the world in a way that isn't particularly fun. Similarly, there were a few upgrades that had maybe one use ever and I don't even know why they're there. I think this game could benefit a lot from playing even harder into it's all too obvious inspirations and just getting a bunch of RPG mechanics and more RPG inspired elements in here. Give me Symphony of the Bunny-Cat-Goatgirl, full on.

I also watched madagascar 2 with friends, but i don't even feel like counting it. watch this fucked up compressed video instead.

THAT'S IT FOR Q1 2024!! I'm really trying to look at a lot this year, and I hope to have EVEN MORE TO TALK ABOUT in 4 months! maybe ill do it even earlier because damn this was a fucking lot to write. If you read this far thank you, I'll be sending you a giant mettalic muscular butler sir in the mail as thanks.

#bunny post #2024 media thread #Youtube

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prairiedust · 1 year ago

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one thousand days of destiel, or cas: fuckerupper of endings

Idk why I’m crawling out from under my woodpile to write this, except that it occurred to me that in three years I’ve not rewatched a single episode of Supernatural and have at least two dozen tags yet blacklisted on tumblr, and that I am still not okay about this stupid show.

I never tried to tie up the folklore/author themes I’d been geeking out about through the last seasons, neither as the show was ending nor afterwards. I’ve been simmering now for over a thousand days. I could not even write a complete sentence about spn for all this time, and so I just left that pot on the back burner and did other things. Finished my Master’s degree. Started a new job. Saw my oldest child graduate from high school and move off to college, and helped my younger child move on to sixth grade. Watched some other shows, got a new blorbo, saw some movies, started painting again, picked up a couple of new hobbies as I am wont to do.

Today is the 5th of November, 2023. (ETA i sat on this for a bit.)

November 5th, 2020, was exactly one thousand and ninety-five days ago.

I see gifs from the show from time to time and I think to myself, wow, that scene/episode/series is completely irrelevant to my life now. I am fine and normal about everything. But if it really was, if I really was, it would not hurt so much to see the gifs and the lyric posts and the amvs when they aren’t caught in my tag filters. So maybe it’s time to get some things out of my head and onto paper.

I genuinely, nearsightedly, naively thought that since Dabb et al had been the ones writing the whole folk v author themes, and thus posing as someone we could count as being on “our side,” the folk-side of the postmodern audience, they’d honor that conceit, even to the very last shot.

They did not.

And yet… they absolutely did.

Which hurts and is fucked up, but also it’s fine. It’s fine.

In the end, the only “folk hero” (by which I mean the only force in the spn universe capable of warping the threads of the story with any permanence) was Castiel. When Castiel left the story (of his own volition, if you can find a comfortable layer of this meta pie for that concept to rest in,) the writers reverted to God Mode. Because Castiel had been their freedom, their mouthpiece, their avenue for improvisation, and so at the end of the series…

well, we got You changed me/I love you

•

and then we got “Cas helped.”

So much has been written about that pivot point, but genuinely I don’t give a rat’s ass about rewrites, producers, the cutting room floor, or COVID. It exhausts me, and I’m not beholden to writing about spn for grades or notes or any kind of other bullshit that would oblige me to do research.

I feel like… we got what we got.

So let’s criticize some media.

The Paradox:

Cas imploded— went from flexing the narrative from within to being narrated by a force from without. And I couldn’t bear to wrap my head around that for a long time. It seemed that this “twist” was beyond cruel. That’s what he got. Vanished and nerfed. For saying ily. That was what happened when he was finally in focus, fully revealed. He lost. He was relegated, along with Jack, to become heaven’s Two Men and a Truck.

It was a trick, the whole “Chuck is a writer” plotline. The Author regained control of the character that had previously been acting independently. Very Pirandellesque, very frustrating, ultimately even tragic.

So, yes, thematically and critically, having Castiel give up his Agency for Characterhood– giving up his ability to create plot for a role as a character in a plot— was ‘literary’ brilliance. It cemented his status as a grand fucker-upper of the show in a way that any show writer “authoring” a requited destiel ending would not and could not have done. Even Jack, I believe, had been “manipulated” into god-hood from within the narrative. Jack was Dabb’s grand metaphor, he was a product of Author. Castiel was… well, he was a chaos engine from the moment he walked through those barn doors.

To seal the metaphor, the writers ended up living that truth.

I really don’t know if I’m being cogent about this. I’ve been struggling to turn this idea into words for, like, ONE THOUSAND DAYS.

The folk-vs-Author themes becoming A Thing in The Supernatural Show was like a chemical reaction: once the ions had bonded, the resultant compound could not be separated back into the different materials. What on that screen was Author, what was “author,” ie show writer, and what was text-experiencer-as-author? Where did the Sam-as-magician arc go, what were we supposed to do with the semi-metatextual moments that Mary had, having been brought back into the narrative by Amara, not Chuck? Everything got so out of control. Add in a smidgen of secret-sauce-TPTB possibly superseding the author/Author, and what you get is that ridiculous mess of a final two episodes.

It’s not about the rusty trombone or the butt hole pleasures. It’s about love. And kids.

Thank you, hon. It really is. (The above line was left in this doc by my spouse. It is a quote from The 40-Year-Old Virgin. I’ll allow it.)

Anyway. It was hard to see past the sound and the fury of it all.

*****

I was feeling nostalgic several months ago and took a swim in my old meta tags; I found a gem from season…10? Idk and idc, but it was from “The Things We Left Behind.”

I compared Claire to Sleeping Beauty (a tale that got a lot of use in later seasons) and wrote: “I tend to think that Castiel’s entire arc is about desperate and unintentionally misguided attempts to Change The Ending of whatever story he’s shown up in” and reading that again really kind of sucker-punched me.

‘We’re making it up as we go’ was the crux of Cas’ existence. Remember that half-related story in Baby wherein Cas got himself hitched to the Djinn queen? Remember when Jack died and the Empty came to claim him in Heaven and Cas made that terrible bargain? The last-minute attempt to gank Lucifer that actually got him killed and sent to The Empty?

Time and time again, Castiel’s go-to for “changing the narrative,” for advancing his plot, is self-sacrifice. In Chuck’s house against the archangel. The Leviathan disaster. Saying ‘yes’ to Lucifer. The Bargain for Jack in Heaven. And those times it worked out. Not without great pain for both the other characters and for the viewers, but he always came back.

And with each return, his motivation became clearer. (Picture your favorite screencap of Dean here.)

Cas’ love grew, crystalized, and then disappeared, like frost on the windowpane of a house on fire.

If they had continued the CasDean storyline, it would have ultimately been The Author IRL writing/creating/manifesting/materializing ‘destiel.’ And so by putting a torch to all of that architecture, they essentially gave everything to us. Unspoilt. Fingerprints wiped. Serial numbers scratched away. Jailbroken. Whatever floats your boat.

The confession was both affirmation and abnegation. Symbolically, The AuthorTM had washed his hands of it, but with destiel out of the picture, The Author also got his ending.

This is why “Cas helped” felt like a ‘fuck you.’ If Cas was out of the narrative, why did he come back as one of Heaven’s real estate developers? It did not fit.

And yet. It did. Because Chuck won. Chuck, or everything that an Author represents in television land– TPTB, showrunner legacies, multiple producers, a chaotic and treacherous and politically messy writer’s room, multiple incompatible or unresolvable MOs and visions— all that ends up being packaged and presented as a single unerring vision.

So I have to admit, although I don’t have to do it with any ion of grace, that in the end it was pretty fucking smart.

Destiel is ours. Destiel is the folk ending. The Author never got to touch it, never so much as breathed on it, was so far divorced from the concept that the absence thereof going forward hit us like a truck full of bricks.

Yes, it hurts that Dean was just left on the floor until the credits rolled, that there were no final words, no ensuing acknowledgement.

I’ll go so far outside the Text as to address the ‘Dean can’t reciprocate’ direction from one of the scripts:

If Dean had made a single move onscreen. Uttered a word. In Despair or either of the other two episodes.

Destiel would have been claimed by The Author.

Anyway. I’ve been collecting posts now and again under the tag ‘the endless folklore of supernatural.’ For three years, the fandom has continued to loot, to ransack, to graffiti, to create and re-create, to burn, to mix, and to distill.

There’s all kinds of things in that tag, it’s sort of a kitchen sink of everything that I thought was even tangentially relevant to folk-Destiel and the postmodern experience of creating text as a reader/viewer etc.

We turned a literary story based on an urban folktale back into folklore.

And so it goes.

I doubt I will do much more analysis of this show, even if it comes back, and I unfortunately can’t touch The Winchesters. But I can’t say I never will. I just thought three years, one thousand days, was a pretty good place to leave a marker on the trail.

—

Epilogue: About The Winchesters:

I did not finish watching The Winchesters because of something wildly, randomly, but highly personally triggering that was built into one of the episodes; however I am very sorry that it was canceled or possibly ironically lost to the WGA-SAGAFTRA strike of 2023.

“What is the maddest thing a man can do? Let himself die.” That’s the clue that leads Castiel to his hidden grace in a copy of The Man of LaMancha in 10.18 ‘The Book of the Damned,’ written by one Robbie Thompson.

I noticed from the get-go that Thompson gave Carlos the last name Cervantez. He was nodding to the self-immolation of the last cadre of writers of Supernatural and stating clearly that he was holding a pen, not a match.

Want some very fun and amusing and wildly pertinent facts about the Don Quixote books?

The narrative conceit of Don Quixote IN THE FIRST PLACE LOL is that Cervantes claims to have found a manuscript by a historian named Cide Hamete Benegeli and Cervantes thought the story was pretty neat, if a little rough; Cervantes retells the story for us from what he’d read by that author, distilling the “original” into the book we experience as Don Quixote the Man of La Mancha.

The final words of Cervantes’ Part One are “perhaps another will sing with a better pick.”

Later, someone publishing under the pseudonym Alonso Fernandez de Avellaneda wrote their own part two, feeling that the original author was taking too long to get their ass in gear (or judging by their own preface they felt that Cervantes had not even done the original story justice in the first place. Which is A Mood.)

So when someone actually did have the audacity to run off with his characters and commit word crimes with them, Cervantes absolutely obliterated the dude in his own Part Two.

Thompson left Spn after season eleven. But, lest someone think this is a commentary about fan fic, he also wrote the episode Fan Fiction. So anyway all the Cervantez-Cervantes business was certainly something.

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whumpalicious · 4 days ago

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Being back on the fmab train is a mood. I restarted watching a few months ago and really should watch more now that I'm thinking about it. (Also need to find out where to watch fma '03 while i save up enough money to buy the dvd set)

I've been hyperfixating on Natsume Yuujinchou currently 😄

Also, this is an fmab/anything you want infodump space if you choose to accept it.

Ooh I also kinda wanna watch 03 again. It's actually the first one I saw, but the end depressed me so much I haven't watched it again lol. Not fully at least, just some of the good scenes once or twice (5th labratory, Greed's death... even the Nina episode hits just a bit harder in 03 I feel). I have forgotten quite a bit of the plot tho so it has crossed my mind to watch it fully again too. Not sure if I'm ready yet, but let me know if you do find a site😂😂 In the meantime I'm, yet again, watching a fmab reaction series from someone on youtube. I tell myself I won't rewatch the series again and then do this which is basically the same thing lol. It's just too good.

Hadn't heard of Natsume Yuujinchou before, but I just looked it up - it actually looks quite fun. And I know you and I have pretty similar tastes when it comes to shows etc so I might give it a try someday! Will write to you if/when I do, of course, we can scream together😉 Is it a bit whumpy too, or is it more soft?

And I will accept the infodump space actually!! I have Thoughts. You know that I sometimes write fics right, but somehow I haven't ever written anything for fmab yet, which is kinda a crime. I have soooo many ideas for whump fics, but nothing has made it on paper yet. I am not sure if those will either anytime soon, but while I was thinking about that I saw some crossover fics and a thought occured. Why not a star wars crossover? I suddenly had the mighty need to write about Ed kicking Palpatine's ass tbh. And then the ball got rolling and I have something of a fic planned now. It has been so fun to think about how Ed would react to the sw universe and all the bullshit that's going on there. I think that there's potential for lots of chaos. And, of course, some whump going on as well. Because let's be real, it's still me😂 I don't know if it'll ever get to posting phase, because this thing has the potential to become very long, and I don't want to put the pressure on myself to actually finish it. But we'll see where it goes! So far I'm having fun, even just imagining what he could fuck up hahaha. I think he'd also be sooo interested in the concept of the Force, and I am really looking forward to describing that in depth. I've already got some ideas hihi🤓

#asks #tumblr friends #lol this got long

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atwhughesversion · 12 days ago

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tag 9 people you want to get to know!

tysm for the tag @golden-knights-of-the-realm 💓

last song listened to — new year’s day by taylor swift. eras tour ending has been a little devastating to me ngl lol. this is also my favourite song off of reputation!! i’m so excited to hear the re-recording one day 🫶🥹

last movie watched — i don’t watch that many movies, but i didn’t realize quite how few it was until now 😭 i think it was captain america: the winter soldier and/or civil war, because i know i rewatched one of those a little while ago. i usually only watch movies with other people, but i haven’t been to the theatres lately (ballad of songbirds & snakes and the eras tour movie were my last visits to the theatre) and my friends/family and i just haven’t been watching movies at our houses lately, either!

currently watching — i’m in a bit of a personal tv show slump; i’ve just been throwing on episodes of my favourite shows recently. my parents and i just started watching reacher together, though. it’s a show on amazon prime based on jack reacher, and it’s been good so far!!

currently reading — last night i finished both my reread of oathbringer by brandon sanderson, and heated rivalry by rachel reid! oathbrinnger is the 3rd book in a fantasy series called the stormlight archive, and since each book is 1000+ pages so there’s a lot going on in decided to reread the first 4 books before going into the 5th and final one, which came out last week. heated rivalry is a hockey romance about two guys who have been pitted against each other their entire careers basically — they were the #1 and #2 prospects in their year, were drafted first and second to rival teams, etc. but have also been secretly hooking up and falling in love for their entire careers. i wasn’t expecting to enjoy it as much as i did, but the characters were so 🥹 i think today, i’ll start rereading the 4th book in the stormlight archive!

currently obsessed with — thatcher demko playing hockey again…as always i am eternally obsessed with taylor swift, books, and hockey. some more niche things i currently love are burning candles, doing puzzles by the fireplace, and wrapping gifts (i’m not competitive at all and definitely don’t want my wrapped presents to draw the biggest “wow!”) 🫶

i dunno who’s been already been tagged but, with no pressure if you’d rather not: @ice-ball-again @butterflyintochains @ajuice-matts @sheecheebi @justanothergemini16 and anyone else who wants to do it!

#i love doing these sm btw thank you to anyone who ever tags me in them #i’m a yapper

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hanasnx · 1 year ago

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yay okay

how + when did u get into writing?

-🎀 (i love u indy)

i've been writing for as long as i can remember. like on the family computer on word i was writing fictional stories, which is probably one of my earliest memories regarding the subject. i can't recall a catalyst that triggered my need to write, it's just simply always existed as an urge, i can't explain why i'd stare at empty word documents and then make something up on it. one story i wrote was about a child clown, part of a family of clowns, who had lost his magic underwear.

when i was in elementary school 5th - 6th grade was when i discovered a site called quotev where i wrote fred weasley fanfic, x-men fanfic, avengers fanfic, and batfamily fanfic. i was terrible at keeping up with series which is largely what i thought i had to do, most would fizzle out simply because they were commitments. i did a lot of roleplay on there as well as over texts with one of my best friends. for the most part, private roleplay was my vessel for writing and for years that's what i did until i tried to take supernatural fanfic seriously on tumblr a couple years ago and that fizzled bcs again.. commitment. i was always drawn to smut as a subject that i found most interesting and was adept at the build up part of the one shot, but could never get myself to actually finish it. you know, write the smut part.

june 2022 comes around and i finished my very first piece. like it was the first time i had finished something, written through the smut and all. and i had forced myself to push through and finish it cos i was tired of my anti commitment strategies. and then i made myself post it because i had been wanting to take tumblr seriously again for a while. couple months go by i'm suddenly inspired by the character darth vader. i hadn't cared about star wars in years, but i had played the lego skywalker saga and it reminded me so much of the lego sw games i played as a kid. reawakened some of that interest, so i rewatched some movies, watched kenobi for vader, and then i got to cracking and wrote my very first star wars one shot: wishful thinking.

another couple months go by and i became enamored with anakin skywalker, so i wrote two one shots for him in a month. talk huttese to me was the second of those one shots, and it was the one that put me on the map in the community so to speak. so here i am

#indy lore #thanks for the msg!!#anon: 🎀

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obsessedwiththedragonprince · 1 year ago

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So I've watched the first three seasons of TDP a while ago, randomly decided it needed a rewatch, somehow realised it got two additional seasons while i wasn't looking and now I need a place to vent my random thoughts.

I watched around a season a day and i just have to watch the se3 finale tomorrow and I'll catch up with what I've seen so far. When I see the 4th and 5th seasons I'll probably going to start spewing a lot of random shit so beware.

First of all. FIRST EPISODE AND CLAUDIA IS READING LOVE AMONGST THE DRAGONS?!

Second. I shipped Amaya and Janai hard the first time around already but this is so good. Like Janai's sister dying? Prolly my favourite scene so far. (Btw I'm spoiler free for seasons 4 and 5 except i googled ship name for them and saw a picture of them kissing so i know that's canon. Would honestly feel cheated and insulted if it wasn't.) Also the translator is such a cinnamon roll.

There are sooo many lovable characters in this series. I love Amaya and Soren most I think but everyone has such good arcs!!

Like Claudia being manipuated by Viren? I really like how her corruption comes from her love for Viren. I also loved how Soren is seen as the slower one out of them but she's more naive when it comes to their father.

The scene where Soren leaves her and she says "Don’t make me choose! Not again."? Right in the feels man.

Also sending my love to Bait! The guy deserves some love! I felt really bad for him during that scene on the ship when he felt like he was replaced by Zym and then when Callum invited him to come and he was so happy?? Like my heart? And then he basically goes and becomes a parental figure to Zym.

Oh that reminds me. What was the captain's name? I can't remember but i recognised it in those texts in the beginning when important people who work on the series are written so. Fun.

Also Gren is so random but I hope we'll see more of him. Loved his friendship with Amaya even if it had like two minutes of screentime.

I'm trying to think of everything that went through my head during the watching. Um.

Oh! Aaravos (is that correct?) What's up with that dude? And I didn't go back to check but in Harrow's letter to Callum he said that cube is a key sth connected to Aavaros and that he's a powerful mage and knows all six arcanums? So I'm wondering where that'll go. But he'll prolly be the final villain instead of Viren? We'll see ig. And a stupid thought but i just imagined him being somehow stuck in the cube? And my brain automatically got the idea that to open it all six sides must be activated(glowing) at the same time? I dunno what my brain is on atm but this exists in my head now.

And what happened with Ezran's abdication? Like why did he do it? What did anyone gain from that? Were the others supposed to leave them alone just because he did it? Dunno.

Also Aanya is so cool. Really love how she has a brain you know?

Also who was the guy who first deserted when the option was offered? Cause I know we saw him before but idk where. Wait he's not the guy Rayla spared is he? That would make some sense but i know we see the guy who deserts at least once in the throne room? I'm confused.

Also all kings and queens are dead so who's leading all the other armies beside Kasef(is it Kasef?)? Why don't we meet them?

Also Corvus is great and I love how he just goes along with everything Ezran does. You're a weird king Ezran.

This is so random but how was that vet supposed to know how fast an unhatched dragon's heartbeat is supposed to be? Just seemed funny to me.

Also i think the first time around i didn't like Soren in the beginning but now i loved him from the first scene when he helps Callum show off in front of Claudia.

I'll be back in the morning but right now I'll have to finish this rant cause i went to bed like two hours ago and couldn't sleep so this happened lmao.

#the dragon prince #tdp #janaya #tdp janai #tdp amaya #tdp claudia #ezran #tdp ezran #claudia is reading love amongst the dragons someone explain pls #don't make me choose. not again #right in the feels man #we love bait #bait deserves some love #king ezran #you're a weird king ezran #what was up with ezran's abdication #someone please explain

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samstclair · 2 years ago

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Javier Peña’s Klepto

Javier Pena X Reader

Anonymous Request -

"Hey hey hey Sammy Sammy Sammy! I've just finished my 5th rewatch of Narcos: Colombia and can't stop thinking about Pedro's slutty little waist in it the entire time! I was hoping to see if you could whip something up for me - maybe an enemies to lovers? Me and Javier being the enemies, then lovers? I am a self-admitted kleptomaniac, so maybe this could help me come over that hurdle in my life? You do your thing!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Play it again! NOW!"

"Again, Danny? We get it now, if we watch it again it'll be our fourth time today! I don't think so!"

"Pablo told us to watch it over and over until we are really able to immersive ourselves into the story, to BE the characters, BE in the setting, BE a part of the heists themselves," Danny stopped and turned his head aside, closing his eyes. His abrupt silence and failure to finish his sentence caused everyone in the living room to turn to him.

"Uh, hello? Danny?" Angelica snapped in his face.

"I think he fell asleep again." Adrienne said. "Go and shake him awake. I hate when that happens."

Angelica let out an annoyed groan before thrusting her foot into Danny's shoulder, quite violently, until he shot open his big blue, Miley Cyrus-esque eyes, giving Angelica the biggest and most bombastic side-eye yet.

"Oh my god, why did you kick me!?" he snapped at Angelica. Spit and particles of Glossier lipgloss flung from his BBL lips onto Angelica's red glasses, causing them to fog.

"We thought you fell asleep!" you snapped back, defending Angelica's and Adrienne's honor. "You were talking and then you just stopped!"

"I wasn't done talking!" he exclaimed, "I stopped because I wanted to leave suspense for what I was about to say next and you guys didn't give me a chance to continue! God!"

"Oh," Adrienne giggled, "then why didn't you just say so, silly?"

"Why the fuck would I say that if I'm supposed to be quiet for the suspense?" Danny asked, still spitting.

"Danny, just face it," you said, "you're not that femme-fatale enough to go silent for that long. You're just narcoleptic."

Danny turned to face you. His face was unreadable, but you could read it. He was seeing red. If there was one thing about Danny, he took suspense pretty seriously. "And you are? Look where that landed you in Paris, bitch."

You shuddered at the memory. Paris seemed a lifetime ago. No help in remembering that!

"Fine," you said, sort of frightened from more aggressive humbling from him, "finish what you were going to say."

"I was going to say...I actually forgot what were we talking about?"

"How your ass thought we were going to watch Ocean's 11 for the fourth time!" Angelica said, cleaning her foggy glasses with her shirt, making a windshield wiper sound. "I think Pablo knows we get the whole point. After all, it is tomorrow. We should get some rest, it'll be a big day."

How you didn't know just how big of a day that big day that Angelica said was gonna be big.

Everyone rose from the living room and began to pick up all the garbage from the floor that accumulated slowly but surely after your six hours of watching the first of the Ocean's trilogy on repeat. It consisted of dried pickle chips, Elf Bars of all different flavors, Monster energy drinks, Costco Animal Crackers, laxative pills, SpongeBob ice cream wrappers, empty and half full water bottles and more that aren't too important to mention.

You and your girls (this includes Danny) lived in a high rise apartment in Medellin, Colombia. You kept forgetting the year was 1989. The year is 1989 and you're in Medellin, Colombia living with your girls. It overlooked the communes of the city - it made you feel high in the clouds like God. The apartment was bought and paid off by none other than Pablo Escobar, or as you all referred to him, "Pablo", his code name. Pablo is among the five most popular boy's names of all time. It can be any Pablo.

This free stay didn't come without a cost, however. You four girls (and Danny) worked for Pablo and consequently the entirety of the Medellin Cartel. It was pretty crazy, but nothing you girls couldn't handle.

It was you, Angelica, Adrienne and Danny. You four were known as the Five Sisters, or by Pablo's affectionate little nickname, Las Putitas. Yes, though it may be confusing to others that there were only four of you and not actually five, Pablo liked the idea because he considered himself the fifth Sister/Puta. He wouldn't actually tell you guys any of this, but word spreads fast among the Cartel.

What you four did was simple: steal. Whether it was the Dollar Store or Goodwill, or both, you four had some sticky fingers that just had a knack for snatching just about anything. And Pablo liked that. And for you all having ten fingers, that's forty fingers in total, which is quite a lot. And that doesn't even count your toes.

He first encountered you four when you were set to go on vacation to Cancun with your girls. You four had been in the Miami airport, ready for liftoff! Everything was packed and ready - the outfits, sunscreen and suntan lotion, carts (weed) stuffed in your shoes and bras but slightly leaking, and bikini regions waxed.

But all four of your spirits were rained on and dampened when you find out that your liftoff! was delayed until the next day. Shucks.

Waiting for your next flight, you four decided to kill time and wander around Miami and see what was up. You grabbed some virgin Pina coladas and Miami lifeguard hoodies before going over to the beach. You all laid on the sand feet out and perked up, enjoying that beach breeze. Angelica had sat in front of you three facing towards the sun. You three had to turn your back towards it because the glare was too bright, but Angelica's red glasses shielded her eyes.

She leaned into you three after some time of sunbathing.

"Guys, don't like, look now - but there's this really fine dude behind y'all. I think he might be Colombian. Cause I'm actually Colombian and I know, I sense it. Should I try talking to him?"

"Oh my god what does he look like? He's right behind me, isn't he?" Adrienne asked, sitting across the sand from Angelica.

"Yes, I already said he was behind you but don't look now you're going to make it obvious -"

Adrienne whipped her head around back the moment Angelica said yes. You and Danny also turned your little heads albeit not as harshly and obvious and saw a man smoking a cigarette with a mustache, yellow sunglasses and flat cap. He was dressed like a Cuban grandfather.

You had to admit, Angelica was right.

He turned and noticed you four. You faced back around.

"You guys are like, fucking morons. I told you not to look." Angelica said.

"It's okay, Big Ange!" Danny assured, tapping his toes on hers, "I'd go and talk to him if I were you. He looks lonely."

"Yeah!" Adrienne agreed, "just walk up to him and ask about his day! Easy peasy lemons have been squeezed."

"I'm too nervous, though. What if he turns out to be really weird, or like," Angelica moved her face closer, in a whisper, "a cocaine dealer."

"Are you assuming that since he's Colombian, he's a drug dealer?" you asked.

"Oh please, everyone today is! Colombian or not! It's 1989! And if you're nervous, just grab a brewski for some liquid courage!" Adrienne said.

As if a light bulb lit up above her head and red glasses, Angelica turned to her backpack and pulled out her three-day-old can of Four Loko Gold. She took a big swig before wiping her mouth and throwing the can out to sea. Apparently the can was bio degradable so you didn't mind the littering.

She walked over, feet sinking into the hot sand causing her to go slower than expected, but she finally made it to the man. You three watched them talk.

"I hope he's cool," you said.

"Of course he's cool, who smokes a cigarette with a flat cap at the beach by themselves?" Danny said.

After some time, Angelica turned back towards you three and walked back with a big big smile.

"What did he say?" you three asked excitedly in unison like a little choir.

"You guys won't believe it! He said he could get us to Cancun for free literally right now!"

"What? What are you talking about?" you three said again in your choir.

"He said he thinks we're all hot and his friends would love us, he said he's leaving to Cancun literally right now and has a private plane we could hop in!"

"Whoa, slow down." Again, in unison.

"Could you guys stop doing that the fuck is wrong with y'all?"

"Wait, hot like we're hot or hot like we're sweating dick and balls right now?" you asked. She shrugged.

Whether it was one or the other, it was too good to be true.

How you laugh at your naivety back then.

After some deliberation, you guys came to the agreement that a free flight to Cancun was better than one that wasn't free. You gathered your things and walked back over to the man, who later introduced himself as Gustavo. He explained to you three as he previously did to Angelica while you all walked down the pier to his car that he knew someone who was a pilot and was heading to your destination.

You all finally got to the landing strip after about ten minutes of driving. The plane itself was not what you imagined it to be. Instead of your usual airline, commercial plane - it was a small, janky and little private plane. Everything was very suspicious now looking back, because a bunch of men were pulling out loads of carefully wrapped packages out of it. The man who was the pilot had a giant Swastika tattooed on his arm which didn't appear to be a good sign.

"What's with those packages?" Danny inquired to Gustavo.

"Ay, nada, mamacita. No se preocupe!" he responded in his Colombian accent that sounded like he was about to cry. "Em, how do you say - como los pinguinos? Hear nothing, see nothing?"

"Oh, no. Those are the monkey emojis. What you mean to say is 'Smile and Wave boys, Smile and Wave' from Madagascar. Close though!" he corrected, with a smile on his face. "An A for trying, honestly."

You four hopped into the back of the cockpit and were off. The fun didn't last for more than fifteen minutes, as the rest of the ride was bumpy and the A/C was broken so you all sweated profusely to the point where you all were so stiff it looked as though you were doing the Mannequin challenge from Vine (that wouldn't be popular until like forty years later because we're still in 1989). Gustavo sat in front with the Swastika-tattooed pilot, talking all sorts of Spanish mumbo jumbo that you all couldn't bring yourselves to try to understand.

White dust was stuck under all the crevices of the interior that didn't look like normal dust. It looked like cocaine.

"You guys...I think this all this white dust is cocaine," you said, low in a whisper.

"No shit dumb ass look what type of plane we're in," Danny said.

You looked around. "Seems like a normal plane to me."

"Yeah I guess so." replied Danny.

You would later find out it was actually cocaine and you were in fact right. But later Pablo told you all with the same leisurely "Hear nothing, see nothing, no?" as his cousin Gustavo. He even covered his eyes and ears to demonstrate to you all. You all felt that you were being talked down to like you were children and he was something of a father figure, but you didn't find yourself complaining because it made up for your lack of one in the first place.

When you guys had finally made it to what you THOUGHT to be Cancun, you hoped off the plane into this villa out in the South American boonies.

To make a long story short you were actually up in the mountains near Medellin. And you know where Medellin is? Not Cancun.

Gustavo thought that kidnapping you all for work would be something beneficial to the cartel. Basically, no one would suspect a group of non-conspicuous girls (and Danny) to be working for Pablo. And what did Pablo want? Free Dollar Store and Goodwill merchandise. They were just too much for him to want to pay.

You met him that day and he laid out the ground rules for you after throwing some more threatening Spanish mumbo jumbo at you guys:

1. No contacting police/DEA.

2. Do what Pablo says and that's THAT.

3. Make enough money in stolen merchandise that's satisfactory to Pablo enough to where you could return back home to America.

4. No complaining! No negative Nancies or Debby downers get any job done!

5. No asking about how the cartel works or any details, you don't have to know.

6. Apply hear nothing 🙉 see nothing 🙈 say nothing 🙊 to anything that applies to rule number 5 that you happen to accidentally encounter.

And that's how it's been ever since. Living in the apartment, you all wait for Pablo's next order and you go to do your magic. He'd send his men occasionally to pick up the stolen goods and bring you all food, which were just bandeja paisas. (They were always good and never grew old so you all didn't mind it being your breakfast/lunch/dinner/dessert.)

You all had completely acclimated to the new way of life and had a system to it at this point, which made it more confusing as to why Danny was so dead-set on watching Ocean's 11.

Over the course of two months, you all had committed a total of 132 robberies, individually or as a group. Those forty+ fingers...

Though you wished to be back home, a part of you enjoyed the rush of the forced labor. You knew you were all protected by the Cartel, so if something were to happen they'd always be near. Once, Adrienne had actually gotten caught for stealing a Hello Kitty bag from Marshall's, and bailed out by Pablo for a grand total of $100,000. That's efficiency. And this is Stockholm syndrome.

It wasn't without trouble, however. The DEA and Colombian police were cracking into the entire Medellin operation little by little, being what Pablo described to you guys as "party poopers" and wanting to "rain on their parade" and "ruin the vibe". You agreed, you didn't feel there needed to be a reason for the government to feel the need to get involved. Just let a girl live, in this case, the girl was Pablo. You all didn't enjoy seeing his mustache go into a sad face.

There were specifically two DEA agents that were American assigned to the case. All you knew through word of mouth that one was a white guy and the other was Hispanic. Because of how broadly generic the descriptions were, it was very difficult for you girls to know what they'd look like if you encountered them. Pablo just told you four to just assume everyone was DEA.

And you wish you had. But you didn't.

"So, you still on Hinge?" Adrienne asked you as you all slid into your bunk beds. You all slept in the same room and across from a large window that overlooked the city. The sun was well beyond set by now.

You took out your phone to check for any new notifications. "Yeah, but no luck yet."

"Wasn't there that one guy?" Angelica asked.

"What guy?"

"That one guy, the one with the mustache. Remember? You two were talking, like a lot."

"Every single guy here has a mustache."

"He's the one with the slutty waist."

It clicked. His face suddenly appeared in your mind and it left you disappointed. You let out a heavy, tired breath. "Oh, yeah. Javier." It hurt you to even say his name. It was such a waste.

"Oh yeah. What ever happened with him?" Danny asked. "Didn't you two go on a couple dates?"

"Yeah, we did," you started to remember. The more you thought about it, the more it turned down your spirits and reminded you as to why you chose to wipe it clean from your memory and ignore it all like it was trauma. "But, nothing came out of it."

"Well what happened?" Angelica pressed.

You hesitated but then you remembered - these are your girls. You tell them literally everything.

"Everything was going great. He was really funny and nice and all around the vibes were good. We'd been going out and finally one of the dates he wanted to invite me over to his apartment. I was looking cute, Pablo let me borrow some of the clothes from one of our runs, remember the Bebe jeans? The Y2K ones? Yeah, well those. My ass was looking fucking fat," you smiled to yourself, thinking about how Pablo and Gustavo told you that when you wore them, "Anyway, we ate dinner then went back to his apartment, and he had these like, yellow sunglasses he wore all the time. I thought to be nice I should get him new ones, so I was able to talk Gustavo into letting me keep these yellow Bebe ones I snatched at Dollar Tree for him. When we got to his apartment, I saw the old ones on the table and thought I should surprise him! When he went to the bathroom I put the new ones on so he'd be, well, surprised. When he came out and saw them on me, he got all weird all of a sudden. I was like, 'look! I got you new sunglasses that are Bebe's like my jeans!' Then I showed him my fat ass to show the Bebe emblem, and he was not feeling it at all. Those good vibes at the beginning? Yeah, they weren't there anymore. He like, ripped them off my face and told me it would be best for me to leave."

Though it was dark and you couldn't make out your friend's faces, you knew they were all confused. Just like yourself when he removed those yellow shades from your face. You felt tears well up in your eyes - it was so sad.

"What the fuck? Who cares they're just sunglasses." Adrienne said. "He really told you to get out?"

"Was he offended that you got him new sunglasses? Like, you're implying he can't buy new ones himself?" Danny asked.

"I know, that's what I thought." you said.

"Maybe his old glasses are prescriptions?" Angelica said, "maybe he was reminded of the fact he could be legally blind?"

"Well did you ask why? What happened after?" Adrienne asked.

"I did, he just said that he had work in the morning and shouldn't have brought me to his apartment in the first place. Anyway, I left after that. It just killed the mood, I really thought we were gonna like hook up or something. He even got pale when he walked me out."

"What an asshole. Who cares? There's like so many other people who would appreciate new sunglasses from you and wouldn't want you to leave." Danny said. "Like Gustavo."

You all giggled at the mention and went to sleep soon after...

The big day was finally here. And for time's sake, let's literally just skip to when everything became BIG.

You four had driven to the location - another Goodwill. This was your fifth this week, there had already been a bulletin put out among all Goodwill employees about missing items across every one throughout the city. It had been a hot topic among the staff, but you four didn't know and frankly didn't care. Pablo was behind your back at all times. And the industry was crumbling.

You all walked in casually, careful not to bring any attention all to yourselves. And why would any of you? You're just a group of girlies (and Danny) who just want to do some shopping fun! Women be shopping!

"Okay guys, remember, Ocean's team only got what they needed, that's it," Danny said, "so don't go overboard. Do you guys have your bags?"

You all nodded, tote bags glued to your side.

"Okay, great! I'm like the George Clooney of this little team we got going on here," Danny said, biting his tongue and doing that white mom expression, absolutely eating up his new title.

"Um, who said that you were?" Adrienne asked, brows arched in confusion.

"I just did."

"That's not fair. We should all be able to choose who we want to be!" she argued.

"Well you snooze you loose! I don't make the rules, but the Daddy Clooney in me does, therefore we must get started!" he roses his arm with his index finger pointed upwards, "Girls, to your stations! We'll meet back in ten!"

You weren't sure why Danny decided to yell this at the entrance of the store for everyone to turn their heads and see. It didn't seem that George Clooney of him to announce the heist to the world. But, Danny did share the same name as George's character in the movie, so he must have had a reason? You weren't sure where the correlation in that was.

You all dispersed like little ants, all having their own role in the mission. Before entering, you reviewed the list Pablo wrote for you to find and snatch:

1. Juicy Couture bag

2. Low rise Y2K jeans

3. P.E. shirt of the local school

4. Y2K Jewelry, (playboy bunny themed preferably)

5. Twilight DVDs (I only have Breaking Dawn Pt. 2 and Eclipse, that's embarrassing for me as a Twilight fan. Change that.)

6. Hello Kitty toys (check toy section, push the kids out of the way if you have to, or steal from them themselves idgaf tbh)

7. Borat DVD

8. Ed Hardy anything tbh

9. Cute trinkets!

10. Lastly, anything that reminds you of me <3

The list was extensive and specific, but nothing you all couldn't handle. This wasn't your first rodeo.

But your last?

Maybe...

You went straight for the clothing rack, trying to find the wanted items. You looked around and saw your fellow girls all seemingly in their own worlds. You chuckled to yourself. They weren't ordinary girls. No one here knew or had a clue what you were all up to.

You kept looking through, pushing all the clothes to the right quickly like a machine and scanning the designs and graphics of the t-shirts to see if they reached the requirements. You felt that undiagnosed carpal tunnel syndrome flow through your veins and bones - it only fueled you. Pain was for the weak. Pablo told you that <3

"What do you have so far?" Angelica asked, inconspicuously standing aside you and going through the clothes as well.

"Not much luck here so far." you kept rummaging through, and found one shirt that stuck out to you - sending actual shivers down your spine. It was black and in funky letters spelled "Make the Rich Pay Tax".

"Oh my god, wasn't that the same shirt one of your old boyfriends had? What was his name? Hussain?" Angelica asked, oblivious to its dense and deep lore.

You quickly pushed it aside onto the next. "No, I don't know what you're talking about," you moved on quickly, "what about you? Have you found anything?"

"Check this out," she whispered to you as she shimmied her tote bag off her shoulder and revealing to you its contents.

"Snowglobes?"

"Yes bro they're stacked! You think Pablo will like them for the trinkets category?"

The globes clashed together softly as she shimmied it bag onto her shoulder.

"I guess, but what's useful about a snow globe?"

"They're trinkets. Trinkets aren't supposed to be useful at all, that's the point. They're just pretty clutter." Angelica explained. "Plus, he can't leave the country, you know, extradition and all - so it'll give him a unique perspective on the places he'll never get to visit. He'll be able to imagine them with glitter sprinkling all over!"

About fifteen minutes had passed. You were able to find several items of clothing you thought Pablo would like, all stacked on your arm. It was so heavy you felt it get sore, but you couldn't bear to put any of it down.

You began to felt that familiar disassociation kick in, however. Your head felt light and that tunnel vision you entered with had died out, you were on auto pilot. Crazy shit could go down in front of you and you wouldn't bat an eye. Nothing was in focus. Your head began to bang with heat and you felt your tummy rumble.

Mama needs to eat, you thought. Mama needs to eat soon.

You cradled your stomach in hoping of soothing it to overcome the hunger. It rumbled and rumbled, soon you realized it wasn't just hunger - you needed to shit. And you needed to shit now.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! you cursed yourself. I haven't even had laxxies????!!!

You looked around trying to find the nearest Sister of the group to lend all your items to and you finally spotted one. Danny was in the toy section to the far end, so you made a beeline towards him, dodging all the people and their pesty children.

"Danny. Danny." you called harshly.

He turned to see you, with a pile of toy dolls in his arms. His curious faced dropped.

"I'm not supposed to know you, remember? You really didn't pay attention during the movie," he said, "you might as well blow my cover entirely."

"Danny shut the fuck up you're so annoying who gives a fuck listen I need you to hold all this shit I need to go to the bathroom bad."

"Hold all...that?" he gulped, wincing at your subtly shaking arm. "That's a lot of stuff."

"Yes that's what I just fucking said. Hurry up it's coming out!"

"Not with that tone." he waved his finger at you in a 'no no'. "What's the magic word -"

Without thought, you launched all the clothes at him so hard it knocked his back against the shelf of toys, sending them crashing down. He tumbled down, draped in all the clothing. He let out a yelp as the air was knocked clean out from him. The crashing sound rattled throughout the entire store, sending ripples of its sound waves out to deafen every patron's ear canal.

By the time Danny had fallen, you were already towards the bathroom door, which was fortunately only a few steps away. You gripped your butt from the behind in an effort to keep everything together. A teenager had been in your way to the bathroom ahead of you, and as if you had just been given that familiar bump of Pablo's dusty dust dust, you stepped on the gas of your adrenaline and caught up to him.

"Get the fuck out the way!" you yelled, pushing him from aside like a footballer who had that football for that touchdown. He fell flat onto the ground too like Danny. You didn't feel bad. All the nerve endings of your asshole slowly opened wider as more seconds passed, that shit literally creeping out ready to make its own ripples into the toilet water like those sound waves.

Fuck Dunkin' Donuts coffee, you thought. Fuck that Dunkin' Donuts coffee! Might as well be laxxies!

Your patas were slamming on that floor.

Splat! Splat! Splat!

But you made it.

The moment your bare ass hit that toilet seat, it was game over. It was the same effect as an oil rig exploding except in reverse.

"Oh thank god," you said to yourself as it burned through. "Thank god the almighty."

After about fifteen minutes, you exited the bathroom a new person. You had spent the most of those fifteen minutes wiping. But it didn't matter, what happened in that Goodwill bathroom would STAY in that Goodwill bathroom. You were a new girl. A new Sister. A bright smile was plastered on your face that resembled some creepy anime character.

Danny was still in the toy section, a little bruised and cut up but nonetheless alright. He had all your clothes in one arm, the dolls in another. The floor was littered with all sorts of the colorful toys, and the shelf had been broken with pieces of metal shards all over.

"Hey Danny! Thanks for holding my stuff!"

He turned and glared at you. "You're a real fucking whore for that. Here." He gave your items back and you took them gladly.

You noticed he had accidentally given you one of the dolls, it was a beaten and dirty American girl doll. You thought it might've been Kit Kitteredge. There was something oddly human about it, oddly uncanny valley about it. You didn't like the way it made you feel. It reminded you of a furby...

When you looked up to Danny to give it back and get it away from your vicinity, he'd been gone. Disappeared. Disintegrated. He was literally no where in the store.

That's creepy...where did he go? you thought. And why did he give me this doll? Pablo never asked for a doll...

"Uh, Y/N, you might wanna come check this out." Adrienne said, suddenly at your right.

You turned to her. "What? Do you know where Danny went?"

Adrienne gulped, her eyebrows furrowed in worry. You didn't understand what she looked worried about. She didn't even appear this worried when she was in jail for the Hello Kitty bag.

"What's with the long face?" You asked, still living off the euphoria from the mess you left in the bathroom at the expense of your own personal relief, "he's right behind me, isn't he?"

"Y/N," Adrienne turned straight ahead of you both. You didn't realize, but she had her arms up in the air the entire time. You looked forward.

Ain't. No. Fucking. Way.

Your group was all suddenly surrounded. You stood by one another, back to back - targeted. Random ass fellow Goodwill shoppers circled around you with AK's and pistols pointed directly at you. They were not too happy. You all didn't realize but all these regular patrons were just the police and DEA in disguise. It was deathly quiet.

You looked them up and down - at one of their feet they had Danny pinned to the ground with their foot. His limbs were spread out like a cockroach that got stepped on.

"Let them through! Stand aside!" you all heard one of them call. They all then divided like Moses parting the Red Sea, letting two tall (and fine as fuck) men walk through. It was a white guy and a Hispanic guy. They were also not too happy. They had their own pistols pointed to your direction, with bullet proof vests fitted on labeled 'DEA'.

And there he was - Javier. Your hinge date. You felt that your shit circulating through your intestines once again, ready for round 2 in that bathroom. It couldn't be, no - it can't. Well it is. Uh oh this is not good. What's a girl to do right now?

"Javier?" you mumbled out. It all that was you were able to even mutter since you were so flabbergasted. He didn't seem as shocked as you would think, it was as if he knew about your true identity and intentions this entire time...

The white guy who also had a mustache looked over from you to Javier, confused about you knowing his name. He leaned in a whisper but you were able to hear because of your super sonic hearing -

"She one of your little informants, too?"

Javier shook his head and was back to you. "You're all under arrest for -"

Before he was able to finish, Angelica attempted to make her escape. She started to run so fast in one spot like a cartoon character, the friction creating a grey dust cloud from under her before bolting through the police and agents, holding the tote bag of snow globes to her chest like a mother running with her child away from danger.

"Stop her!" Javier ordered, in somewhat shock that everyone just opted to watch her run instead of trying to catch her.

One of the men ran behind her and launched himself at her, tackling to the ground like some regular football shenanigans like from earlier. She fell hard to the floor, a hard glass shatter sounding as she landed. The snow globes had bursted and spilled their glittery water all over the floor.

"Angelica!" you all yelled.

The officer that chased after her was disgusted as he was drenched in the glittery substance.

"Fuck is all that glittery water?!" the white guy yelled.

"Um, uh," Angelica's mind was racing behind those red glasses for any possible answer. You could tell she was in shock about the destruction of the globes. "My water broke?!"

"Why is your water all sparkly?" Javier asked, more confused than concerned.

"She was pregnant with Edward! From Twilight! Please she's just a young girl trying to make her way through this dog-eat-dog world!" Danny cried from the ground, the foot cutting some of his speech capacity short.

"The fuck is Twilight?" the white guy asked Javier.

"I don't know. But we better get this group to the station for questioning, soon. Let's go," Javier said, starting towards the entrance with his hands on his waist, "good job team!"

You gripped that toy baby harder. But it wasn't for any longer as they confiscated all your incriminating tote bags.

Some hours later, you had been in a small, gray interrogation room, with a black glass facing you. You were handcuffed to the table and shit was kinda tight. You felt your circulation slowly getting cut off. It was not a good, fun or fresh feeling. It just hurt. And it didn't help your carpal tunnel syndrome.

You hadn't seen your girls since the sting operation. A part of you wished that Pablo was here to help bail you out, but chances are he hadn't found out yet. Word sometimes doesn't travel fast in the Cartel.

Your disassociation was through the roof, higher than it ever was before. You might has well been dropped in the middle of the Saharan desert with no food or water - you felt all your sense of reality slip away as time ticked and ticked on. You were slumped forward, bare face on the cold table. These bare walls gave you nothing to hyper fixate on.

What's a girl to do....I've been caught, you thought to yourself.

It seemed your string of luck had finally run out.

The door swung open, walking in the white and Hispanic guy (Javier). They shut the door behind them, and the sound of it sprung you up like you just took a bump of Pablo's pixie dust.

You reminded yourself - you couldn't show them that you were weak. But, let's be real - a girl was tired. How long could you keep the facade? But no, they can't - they need to think you're resilient! Like some random person said, fake it 'til you make it girl!

"Y/F/N Y/L/N, right?" the white guy asked. They took a seat in front of you, manspreading to the max. Buzzfeed would be livid.

I can't answer them without a lawyer, you thought.

The white guy stared at you with some dead tired blue eyes for an answer. Javier lit a cigarette.

You looked at him with dead eyes back. You thought you looked intimidating, but in reality you looked shell-shocked like a war veteran.

He looked to Javier.

Javier looked to you. He was also waiting.

"Okay, anyway -" Javier started.

"That's your name, right?" the white guy asked.

You took a moment to scan your vibe - is this too serious you can't joke or is this all just a test? Either way, you needed to outsmart these narcs. And quick.

"What's your name?" you asked sneering, biting your tongue to yourself in your white mom self, knowing you ate.

"Agent Murphy."

You didn't know how to expand after the question. "Alright, sweet."

"Why can't you answer the question?"

"I choose NOT to incriminate myself. Don't you know about Miranda rights? Mr. Lin Manuel wasn't playing around," you retorted.

"There's no such thing as Miranda rights in Colombia," Javier said lowly, somewhat embarrassingly. Murphy gave him an annoyed look.

"Whatever, c'est la fucking vie. I don't have to tell you guys anything," you shot back, crossing your arms as best you could since you were still handcuffed and looking to the bare wall beside you, away from them. "Like, no taxation without representation, honestly." you muttered, not as loud since you weren't confident if that applied to Colombian law or to the situation in general. I should really pick my battles, you thought.

"Look, you can make this easier on yourself and just talk. We don't want you," Javier said, "we want Escobar."

"See, this is the problem with you guys. You don't want to see a woman in STEM succeed, like me, because of others that are caring and giving, like Pablo," you covered your mouth - you'd just revealed the codename for Pablo to the DEA.

Fuck, you thought.

"Whatever," you rushed, trying to move on from the slip up, hoping they didn't catch on because they're boys and they're naturally slow, "anyway, I can't give into your demands. I'm no rat."

"Pablo has you captive. We can help you and your friends, if you help us." pleaded Javier. Murphy had his arms crossed and seemed to be getting impatient.

"Your friends already talked. They're all rats. It's just you left." Murphy spat.

"They wouldn't rat." you said.

"They did," Murphy sat up from his chair and got in closer, intimidatingly. "Your Danny friend spilled everything. You all work for the narcos."

"The 'narcos'?" you asked, pretending to play stupid.

"Yes, the narcos."

"Danny is no narco."

"Danny is a narco. He works for them, just like you."

"The only narco Danny is is narcoleptic," you said, raising your thin ass eyebrows, chewing your mouth as if you had gum in it, which you didn't. "Look, why don't we end this war we have going on, right here and right now? I can be the mediator. Let's end this once and for all."

"You're confident enough to speak on behalf of the entire Medellin cartel?"

"I've never felt more confident in my life," you smiled. You were lying.

"How do you suppose we do that, then?" Murphy asked, intrigued. You had him.

"Well, maybe we could start with some Co-Exist bumper stickers? I have some in my tote bag that's sitting pretty in the evidence room. Maybe we can all start by slapping them on our cars? It could probably end all conflicts, actually."

"Really?" Murphy scoffed, making a snarky laugh. "You really think that could solve all conflicts? What about Israel-Palestine? You think that could solve it?"

"Honestly, yeah. Maybe," you answered. You had no idea what that was, but it sounded important. "I'd just have to get a couple more stickers."

Murphy slammed his big hand on the table. "Control your informant, Javi!" He was not happy. He had snapped.

Got him there, you smiled to yourself.

"She's not my informant. Look, Murphy, let me handle this. Okay?"

"You want me to leave?"

He leaned in closer to his BFF's ear to whisper. But since you have super sonic hearing you heard him.

"...just go on back, leave it to me. She's kind of a, uh, a bimbo."

You smiled to yourself at the comment. You did love being called a bimbo. It was who you are. There was something so powerful about being a lil ignorant. "Oh, you're too sweet, Javi," you said. They both shot you a confused look.

Murphy then rose and stepped out, leaving now just you two. He shut the door behind you.

"And then there were two," you said, squinting your eyes and trying to give yourself that femme fatale persona. "So Javi, this is what you've been up to since our date? Since you kicked me out of your house?"

"I've actually always been doing this."

"Oh, so you've always known about me, is that it? Are you some sort of a stalker? And what have you been telling that Debby-downer, negative-Nancy friend of yours? That I'm an 'informant'?"

"I never told him about us, or anyone. When you gave away that you worked for Pablo, I knew I couldn't have a relationship with you. That's why I kicked you out. I don't sleep with criminals."

"I'm not a criminal. And what I do isn't even that bad. I literally just take from capitalistic greedy organizations and businesses and give it back to the public - what's rightfully theirs. Like Robin Hood shit. And plus, how did you know I worked for Pab -" you caught yourself, "I mean, for Escobar?"

"Only people like Escobar have access to Bebe jeans and sunglasses." he said, not giving you any eye contact as he let out a puff from his cigarette and put it out on the table, unbothered.

It then hit you - those stupid pee-colored aviator glasses had hung on his buttoned shirt revealing his lack of chest hair. That stupid gift you went out of your way to get him for, those stupid jeans that made your ass fat - they had done more than compliment your outfit - they were the catalyst the entire time.

"Honestly, that's kind of a relief. I thought you didn't think I was hot."

"No, you are, but being a criminal isn't. And what's uglier is being one of Escobar's criminals. It's actually an eyesore." he rose up and sat on the table beside you. "So why don't you say what happened, then you and your girls can go to Cancun," he leaned in to whisper like he did earlier to his BFF/boyfriend Murphy, "And you won't be an eyesore to me anymore."

You felt yourself get hot down there. If your genital region was a diesel powered car, shit would be hauling actual ass. But no, you couldn't give in. You had to stay true to what Pablo would do.

What would Pablo do? you thought to yourself, looking down to your W.W.P.D. anklet. It was pink, Pablo's favorite color. What would Pablo say?

"Or what, Mr. Agent Javier Pena?" you whispered back. You weren't sure if that's what Pablo would've said, but there was no going back now.

He leaned in closer, an inch away from your mouth.

"Come clean and admit to all those grand larcenies your naughty little big Bebe butt did," he brushed his fingers through your hair, tucking it behind your ear. "And your ties to Escobar and his cocaine operation."

"The only cocaine operation I know about is the one with the bear," you whispered back, eyes fluttering, "have you seen the movie?"

"No, I don't watch movies," he whispered back. You felt his breathe on your cheek, it tickled it. You felt your rosacea arise. "But I do watch Escobar's every move. That's like a movie to me."

Mama can't hold back any longer. you thought. Mama's getting hot.

You didn't realize, but the handcuffs weren't as tight as you thought, and you were able to slip free from their restraint.

You jump up to hug him, he hugs tightly back, he then throws you on the table and you feel his member pressed against your leg. He begins kissing you, his tongue licking your lips for entrance. You let him in. Your tongues fight for dominance but you let him win. He eventually starts going down on you, taking your Bebe booty jeans and panties labeled 'Thursday' you got as a personal gift from Gustavo, (it was actually a Monday, but you liked breaking rules), off, and starts kissing your labia.

"This...this is a labia" he says.

You lift your leg as he begins to eat you out, his wet breath on your cooter. He holds your foot up and raises himself, ready to press his member into your entrance. Your eyes are closed, ready to take the boy from the United States of America in. This is it. No DEA, no grand larceny charges, no creepy baby dolls, nothing - just you and Javier.

You heard the agents on the other side of the door bang and bang, but Javier had actually locked the door. It made you more hot thinking this is what he had planned the entire time. He was always one step ahead. Maybe he wasn't so different from Pablo after all.

Hope you enjoyed!

xoxo,

~Sam St. Clair

P.S. ~ Just a friendly reminder, DO NOT refer to me as anything else if it's not the following: Sam, Mr. St. Clair, Sam St. Clair, Clair, or St.. Hearing 'Sammy' makes me feel very violent. Next time, I won't accept any request that starts with it, just a friendly warning! :)

#narcos #javierpena #pedro pascal #x reader #imagine #fluff #fanfiction #javier pena #Javier pena narcos

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