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leejeongz · 4 years

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nsfw a-z: PARK JIHOON (treasure)

requested: yes, by anon

🔅thanks for requesting sweetheart i hope u like it🔅

most of this is taken from conversations i’ve had with my good pal @multifandomwhxre there are probably thousands of direct quotes lol 🥺😳 if ur reading this, pls give her a follow ❤️

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

he gets quite soft. since he’s a hard dom, he wants to show you that even though you’re his little bitch, you’re also his little baby that he wants to cuddle forever. i think he’d like to talk about what happened and actually praise you in hopes of getting praised back.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

he likes your eyes, he likes how they say everything. they tell him everything you’re too shy to say or everything you’re not allowed to say.

on him, he likes his arms (shocker ik). his physical strength gives him even more power over you, like being able to pin you down on the bed or up against a wall, maybe even hold you for a short while.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

he LOVES to cum inside you but only when you agree to it. if you don’t, he’s more than happy to pull out and cum on your stomach and admire how pretty it looks. when he decides you’re just gonna suck his dick, he takes great care trying to get all of his cum into your mouth and making you swallow it while his hand holds up your chin, forcing you to look at him as you do so. sometimes it doesn’t always go as planned, getting it over your face, but he’d just be like “oh look at all this mess you just made” and then use his fingers to put in all into your mouth.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

all the pictures you send him get saved into an album and he uses them and them only to get off to, even some selfies are worthy of being put in the wank bank. he thinks porn is cheating and if he ever caught you watching it, he’d be pretty disappointed rather than turned on (even if u were just fwb), so that’s why he uses ur pics and his imagination.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

he knows what he’s doing, alright. he’s had enough experience to know what he likes and that’s pretty much all that matters to him and all he lets on to you too. (he’s probably only had one sexual partner, but the way he acts makes you think he’s had more)

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

butterfly (lying on the edge of the bed (or any surface) while he stands between your legs)

he loves being able to pull you closer to him by your legs, being able to reach deeper inside you and (maybe his favourite parts) being able to grab your tits and rub your clit with his thumb. there are no disadvantages of this position for him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

very serious. might laugh AT you but that’s the only laughing to be heard.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

completely clean shaven. even the balls lol.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

not very romantic. at all. you’re still his and he doesn’t let you forget that. but you’re his cum slut or his dirty little whore in the moment. kisses are few and far between and mainly occur after he’s finished.

just wanna make a quick point- he’s not always gonna be hard dom jihoon who loves to tease and doesn’t care for ur wants. ofc he reserves some time for you two to actually be romantic, with little tickles and smooches. he can switch it up real quick depending on how YOU are feeling, it’s not about him all the time. i just chose to write this mainly about the other side of him since that is the most InTeREsTiNG and probably the most frequent kind of sex you’d have.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

only once a week. quite secretive about it when he’s acc doing it but doesn’t shy away from cracking jokes or even just generally talking about masturbation with anyone.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

where do i even begin i think it would be easier to list kinks he doesn’t have… anyway:

degradation - in the moment, you’re his slut, his whore and your desires mean very little to him. he’s not going to stop when you ask him to stop (unless u say the safe word or seem genuinely uncomfortable), you ARE going to do what he tells you to do and when he tells you to do it and you are not going to do anything else.

bondage (kinda?)- handcuffs are his best friend, he likes having your hands where he can see them or where he can hold onto the chain/your wrists, behind your back is his favourite, but he never knows which he prefers, holding them or pulling your hair. even though he has handcuffs, sometimes he likes to spice it up and use a leather belt, he finds this hotter and it turns him on a lot more.

corruption - this can include taking your virginity or just “teaching” someone innocent (virgin or not) about sex. jihoon would love it if you kept asking questions and he could just show you. he’d love to see the sluttier side of you become more and more noticeable and apparent, knowing he did that to you.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

he’s up for doing it anywhere but he’d rather do it in the comfort of his own home, in the bedroom.

he wouldn’t be opposed to doing it on someone else’s bed. i imagine he’d actually find it pretty funny to fuck you on someone else’s bed, let you both get it all dirty, then go and face the friend all innocently. the inside joke/secret could be used for teasing or just to bring you closer together.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

i mean making him jealous always makes him wanna show you who you really belong to but do you really wanna be risking the best fuck of your life like that. he could easily get rid of you if you even slightly overstep the boundaries.

it’s safer to just… act like a little brat. telling him you don’t wanna do something for him like getting him a drink gets him real mad and mad jihoon=turned on jihoon when it comes to you.

but also just the normal stuff. seeing you all dressed up nice makes him wanna cancel your plans for you. pressing yourself against him while spooning gives him an instant hard on (and you need to be punished for doing that to him). sometimes even just the way you look at him, maybe it reminds him of how you look up at him while sucking his dick.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

let you be the dom 😳 absolutely never not in a million years. some guys might like to watch you try, but he doesn’t even give you the chance. he likes it when you top, but he would never EVER let you be in control.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

prefers to receive. likes to fuck your face and watch your mascara get ruined. wants you to take his whole dick, every last inch and will not be satisfied until you do.

when giving, he also likes to use his hands too. this man knows where the clit is i’m just saying. very rare that he eats you out (would rather use his fingers or toys during foreplay) and usually doesn’t last that long because it turns him on too much, he just wants to fuck you. when he does go down on you, it’s usually after he’s finished (doesn’t want to if he’s cum inside u tho).

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

whatever makes you squirm and moan the most. starts slow but gets fast real quick. once you let out even a hint of pleasure, he’s gonna slow it right down again. the “hard and fast” approach doesn’t work for everyone and so he’d make it suit your needs.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

would rather be able to spend time making the experience better and dirtier than the last, however, if he wanted to fuck there and then, or if he wanted to be in your mouth right at that moment, and there’s nothing stopping him, he’ll just take you to the bathroom or smth and would just d o i t. (tease him for a fast pass to the bathroom)

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

he will do almost everything once, and most of the time will enjoy it and do it again. a light bit of bdsm and sensory deprivation (with a safe word of course) would be incorporated into what you pair would deem a normal round after just a few nights.

he’d also try anything you wanted to, he wouldn’t shy away from anything that you suggested, even if he thought he wouldn’t like it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

he can usually last for a while (a while in my opinion anyway idk what u think is a long time CoUgH cOUgh evie) maybe 20-30 minutes (including foreplay ofc) but he can only usually last one round a night. he’s more than happy to eat you out or put his hands to good use if you wanna cum again tho- one of the only times he’ll let you tell him what to do.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

uses toys to tease you. likes holding a vibrator to your clit and telling you not to cum until he says you can. it really turns him on to use them on you. but if he ever caught you using them on yourself without his permission… you’re in for one hell of a “talking to”.

would never use them on himself- he thinks giving you the power to use them on him, or even using them on himself, is too much power that he doesn’t have for himself if that makes sense.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

a whole bloody lot okay. he doesn’t care where you are or who you’re with, if he wants to tease you, he will. is the type to buy one of those toys that you can control on your phone and then laugh when you’re at point of orgasm in the middle of dinner. the reactions he gets from you might turn him on a little, and it’s always your fault if they do, you’re gonna pay for it.

he’s really REALLY unfair during sex too, although to him it’s very fair that you have to wait to be treated. as i mentioned before, he likes to steady the pace when you’re getting into it and he also likes slapping his dick on you to tease you before actually going in. just some of the many things he does to tease you and to treat you “as you deserve”

a lot of the teasing he does is for you though, don’t get me wrong. he knows this will make up you hungrier and you will cum harder and feel good so he doesn’t it all the more.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

GROWLS

only so you can hear them, right next to your ear.

and also a lot of degradation, but volume isn’t something he cares about with that.

idk where to put this but i don’t think he’d be a fan of you being too loud, especially when there are other people in the house. if they were gonna hear anyone, he wants it to be him.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

“come here” jihoon orders as you shut the front door behind you.

you apprehensively approach the coach upon which he is sat, relaxed but noticeably hard.

“care to explain this” he shows you the text you sent him as you were on your way home reading “remember that cash you gave me to spend?” with a photo of your new ruby red lingerie set attached. “you knew what you were doing, didn’t you? maybe i shouldn’t even punish you for this, but i want to”

you swallowed audibly, knowing you were going to be punished, kind of excited about what’s to come.

“get here” he nodded towards his lap. you did as he requested, lying face down on his lap, and he immediately pulled your jeans down a little. he rubbed your ass a little before forcefully planting a harsh hand on it. the other hand held your wrists together behind your back, squeezing them until they became numb. you squealed a little which encouraged another smack. both cheeks soon became the same colour as your new lingerie, still jiggling as much as the first time even though you were tense.

“you want another?” he asked. you nodded without thinking, the stinging infesting your brain. “hmm interesting” he sat back for a moment, considering his next move while his hand rested on your back. you tried to get up… little did you know this was when the real punishment was going to begin.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

does it matter this guy can give you all the pleasure you need with whatever tools he’s got 👀

but i think he’s average tbh… maybe a lil bit longer and girthier (?) but nothing too large. one of the biggest in group. still enough to have you choking and gagging in the first 5 mins of a blowjob hahahahahah

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

very high 😳 and he’s not afraid to show it. 5 days a week is his ideal but he understands that too much of a good thing can make you bored of it so it’s usually probably just once or twice a week. expects some spontaneous head when ur not gonna acc have sex tho.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

once he knows that you’re happy and that you’ve had a good time, he can fall asleep anytime (usually pretty quickly bc he’s tired from having a literal workout with you). if something seems off with you afterwards, he’d stay awake for hours thinking what he could have possibly done wrong, even though he knows you’d tell him if something was wrong.

#park jihoon #park jihoon smut #treasure #treasure smut #park jihoon imagines #treasure imagines #smut

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ayyyez · 5 years

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Sasori scenario where he isn't a puppet but still actually human but his village abandoned him and you find him in the woods or smth like that and you two start to like each other ending up in smut thanks keep up

This ended up being waaaaay longer than I planned but the idea just kept going so I went with it. I honestly thought I’d have much more trouble writing Sasori but I am really enjoying it! Thanks for requesting! There’s not heeeaps of smut because of the long build up but there’s still smut there. Oh there was no specifics for reader so I kept it neutral :)

WARNINGS: Blood and smut (not at the same time) AU

-Sasori clutched his side as he leant heavily against a tree. He looked down at the seeping wound. A monstrous betrayal. His own village and comrades had stabbed him (quite literally) in the back. He was never going to trust anyone again.��

-But moments after he had simply thought those words, you had appeared. His vision was blurring when he looked up to see you. You were looking at him expectantly. You had said something he missed. He raised his hands in defence and forced himself upright. ‘Stay away or I’ll kill you.’ It was monotone but strong. He knew his tone had startled you by the way your eyes widened.

-But you didn’t move. ‘You need help before you go killing anyone.’ You said with a frown. What a strange person, Sasori couldn’t help but think. You didn’t cower before him but you also didn’t pose much of a threat. A quick observation later he saw your clothes and forehead bore no village symbol. A nomad perhaps? Judging by the basket you were holding and the herbs inside, you were likely a healer too. Interesting.

-Sasori gave you nothing but a blank stare. He knew he was dying but that didn’t mean he didn’t have options. He could do many things to prevent death. Many troublesome things. Things that would prove pointless were you to help instead. He could still kill you with the flick of his wrist. He doubted you knew of his puppets or skill. But that ultimately meant more work.

- ‘Do what you will.’ He whispered, relenting his defence. He slumped against the tree, clutching his still bleeding wound. You blinked, wondering if you had heard him correctly. He wasn’t the first shinobi who had wandered into your woods and you doubted he would be the last. Judging by his calm demeanour you hoped it wouldn’t be soon. Someone running from others would usually be more in a hurry.

- ‘My cabin isn’t far.’ You told him. ‘If you wish to stay alive I suggest you follow me and quickly. I can’t carry you and my sympathy doesn’t extend far enough to drag you should you fall.’ Without waiting for a response you turned on your heel and began heading toward your cabin. Sasori followed, noting you seemed to go at a slow pace. He doubted a healer could dare be as cruel as you acted. It almost made him smile.

-When you both arrived at the cabin you went to work patching him up. Preparing various remedies, ointments and bandages. Sasori did his best not to passout. Something about wanting to maintain some dignity in a strangers presence. In your presence. He straightened a little when you came at him with a knife. With a jolt you gave him a look that told him to relax. He did once he realised you were only cutting away his shirt around the wounded area. It didn’t stop him from being on alert, making sure to keep his chakra channeled and his scrolls close.

- ‘I don’t normally ask,’ you started, cleaning the wound a little, ‘but how did someone like you end up in my forest?’ Sasori winced a little as the cloth you had scraped his wound. ‘Someone like me?’ He asked flatly, feigning disinterest. You placed the cloth on the bench and readied your hands against the wound. ‘A Sunagakure shinobi, your very far from home.’ He could feel your medical ninjutsu closing the wound. There was no sensation quite like someone else’s chakra mixing with ones own. A sensation Sasori had not experienced often.

- ‘I’m sure you have your own story.’ Sasori said and scowled a little before adding. ‘But that doesn’t mean I’m interested in hearing it.’ You exhaled but you didn’t seem bothered by it. Honestly, you had dealt with shinobi far worse than Sasori. At least, you thought you had.

-The two of you remained silent as you finished patching him up. Then you cleaned up your work station and washed your hands in a large, clear bowl. Sasori watched as the blood diluted in the water turning it a reddy brown. It reminded him of the blood he had shed once realising his village betrayed him. It reminded him of the blood he had just lost. And finally he wondered how much blood you had seen in your lifetime. Not just in saving people but killing them too. He knew you had killed, he had seen it in your eyes and the way you carried yourself. It’s easy for a killer to spot another killer.

-His thoughts broke with the splash of the water. Your gaze met his as you dried your hands. ‘You should rest.’ You gestured to the bed. ‘I’ll give you shelter for the night and then you’re on your own.’ You handed him a small bottle. ‘Drink half now and half when you wake up, it will help speed up the healing.’ He took it with a grunt and went to the bed. He didn’t thank you for the help and you pretended to be okay with him taking your bed without hesitation. It was the world you both lived in.

-In the morning you woke first. It was raining heavily and the wooden floor had strained your back awfully. You would definitely feel it for the next two days. With a groan packed up the thin blanket that had served as a mattress and went around fetching breakfast. You made sure to double the usual portions but you didn’t bother to make it flavourful. The necessary nutrients to survive would be enough for him then he could be on his way. You cursed under your breath once you heard the thunder. The idea of more of Sasori’s presence irked you.

-Sasori woke up feeling sore and dazed. The first thing he saw was the medicine bottle and was reminded of his predicament. It was still easier than fending for himself. Who was he to have said no to a senseless do gooder like you. Without second thought he downed the rest of the medicine. Then he got up with a strained grunt and sat at the table.

-You placed a plate of food in front of him. The dish was full of vegetables and fish. At least that’s what Sasori assumed it was. It was pretty mushy but he had eaten worse. This time he gave you a curt nod for thanks. You would have missed it if you had blinked. You were glad you didn’t.

-He ate it quickly. Then he watched as your gaze drew to the window. He realised then that it was raining. ‘You can’t go anywhere in this weather,’ you commented, ‘I guess one more day can’t hurt.’ Your eyes met his. ‘At least until the weather lets up.’ Sasori nodded. ‘Very well.’

-The rain didn’t lift for three days. On the second day Sasori had insisted on braving the rain but the second he did a huge crack of lightning struck a tree in the distance. You didn’t insist but the look on your face told him he was mad. With a grumble he unhooked his pack. The days were past in mostly silence. You contented yourself crafting ointments and medicine while also cultivating herbs. Sasori made do with the scrolls he had on him and the books scattered across the cabin. He didn’t offer you anything and you didn’t ask for anything. At least until the fourth day.

-The sky hadn’t cleared but the rain had let up. You took the opportunity to get up early and scout for herbs and scavenge food. Luck had brought you mushrooms on top of the ingredients you were looking for. On your way back you realised the road out of the forest toward the Land of Fire had been covered by a land slide. One that would likely shift on it’s own in a week depending on the weather. A sort of sinking feeling rose in your stomach. One that made you realise you had gotten used to Sasori’s company. Meanwhile at the cabin alone, Sasori drew the same conclusion. It was nonsensical for him to feel that way.

-The two of you told yourselves it was for reasons other than what you sensed was true. Sasori rationalised it was the part of himself he had buried away, the one that held feelings and desires, that craved a comrade in the face of abandonment. It wasn’t you specifically. You argued with your self that it was being alone in the forest for so long, caring for the land, that you had gotten lonely. It was only human, you didn’t actually care for Sasori. So you were definitely surprised when you didn’t find him at the door, pack in hand but rather at the table reading one of your books.

- ‘The weather’s clearer.’ You began, hyperaware of both your voice and his presence. ‘But there’s a landslide on the road from the mountain. It will probably clear on it’s own in a few days’ You tried to remain light and nonchalant like usual but when his eyes met yours you swore he could see right through you. ‘It would be pointless to wade through it now then.’ He replied, his eyes returning to his book. Even though you both knew he could easily pass through the road, landslide or not. Something about that calmed you.

-With a new found surge of energy you set about preparing bounty you had found. You couldn’t help but finding your gaze on Sasori every now and again. He had definitely intrigued you, more so than the other nameless shinobi who ended up on your doorstep. As your eyes drew to him again you forced them down to the book he was reading. A strange coincidence.

- ‘Are you interested in the medicinal properties of fungi?’ You asked. He didn’t look up at you but he noticeably stopped reading. ‘In a sense.’ You nodded and continued what you were doing when to your surprise, he continued. ‘They have interesting results in both poisons and their antidotes. Very tricky to control.’ Your eyes snapped to his which were now on you. Your heat skipped a beat. ‘Do you know of such things?’ Sasori asked, carefully. Your tongue absentmindedly flicked across your dry lips. ‘I do.’ You said quietly. Something in Sasori’s eyes lit up. You couldn’t help but want more of that.

-Sasori stood up, eyes still pinned to you. Your hands, which had been chopping mushrooms, stilled completely. Something in the room changed, the sensation between you two now electrified. ‘Are you familiar with the antidotes,’ there was a pause as his eyes flickered between you and the book, ‘or the poison.’ A soft gasp left your lips. It was as though he read everything about you in a single moment, a single glance and that was all he had needed to read your mind. ‘Both.’ Sasori nodded and stepped closer so that he was beside you. ‘Will you teach me.’ He asked, softly. You nodded then quickly looked down and began chopping the mushrooms again.

-Just like that days turned into weeks. The talk about Sasori leaving vanished and was replaced with exchanging knowledge on poisons and antidotes. You didn’t ask why he wanted to know and he didn’t ask how you learnt. Just like that the two of you fell into a comfortable rhythm of coexisting in the small cabin. A part of you held in the back of your mind a small anxious thought, one of Sasori leaving once he had learnt all he wished to know. The prospect of being alone in your forest was once soothing but now the thought of being alone was terrifying. Sasori had filled a void in your life you hadn’t even realised was there.

-The night after Sasori ventured out on his own to collect the ingredients for the latest antidote was when the nature of your relationship shifted again. It had started out innocently enough. ‘I’m not sleeping on the floor tonight.’ You said, shaking the blanket out over the bed. ‘My back can’t take it.’ Sasori grunted. ‘Neither can mine.’ You shot him a look. ‘You look it yesterday.’ He simply shrugged and looked at you. It made you a little self conscious but not as much as it had the first week you were hyperaware of his presence.

-Sasori still didn’t talk much and was pretty blunt most of the time but you had gotten used his tells and personality. You tried to meet his gaze head on. A silent argument passed between you two until you finally sighed. ‘Whatever,’ you said pulling the blanket back, ‘I’m tired, let’s just both share it.’ Sasori thought he must have misheard you because surely you did not just offer yourself up like that?

-You climbed into bed, rolling so your back faced him. Sasori hesitated. Not because he doesn’t want to share. He couldn’t take another night on the floor either. No, it was the connotations that came with sharing a bed. Also he still honestly wasn’t sure if he had heard you right. What a useless predicament. Why couldn’t his ex comrade have finished the job and killed him before you found him in the forest.

- ‘Well, are you getting in or not?’ You finally asked, voice muffled by the pillow. ‘It’s not exactly a large bed.’ Sasori observed, cooly. ‘No, kidding.’ You huffed and rolled over. ‘Sleep on the floor then.’ Sasori narrowed his eyes. ‘No.’ You were getting annoyed now. ‘Then hurry up.’ You held up the blanket. He sighed and finally agreed, climbing in beside you.

-The entry was a lot more awkward than intended. The bed had dipped and pushed you forward which meant you rolled right into Sasori who you were now facing. As he shuffled his face almost smacked yours. ‘Sorry.’ You mumbled trying to wiggle away. This only proved to make matters worse. You dipped the mattress on your side and he slid into you. ‘This is hopeless.’ Sasori muttered. ‘Shut up.’ You said, straining to roll onto your back before adding, ‘it beats the floor.’ Sasori gave a low hum in reply before also pushing on his back.

-The whole situation was hot and awkward. You tried to steady your heart and close your eyes to drift to sleep. Your mind however was racing. Your heart was pounding. Ridiculous questions kept coming to mind like were you breathing weirdly? Did you take too much blanket? Was Sasori as awkward as you were? It took hours but you finally fell asleep.

-When you awoke in the dark early hours of the morning, you realised you were in a worse position. Sasori was flush against you, an arm loosely around you, hand resting somewhere behind your back. In turn, your leg was wrapped around him like it was clutching on for dear life. You felt hot. Sasori’s uneven breath on your face. ‘You’re awake.’ You whispered. ‘Yes.’ He said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. You took a moment. ‘Are you going to leave?’ It could have meant anything. Leave the position, leave the bed, leave in the morning. But you both knew it was deeper than that. ‘No.’ He replied with enough confidence to make you relax.

-You weren’t sure who initiated it. You were leaning in when his lips crashed into yours sooner than anticipated. Either way the two of you kissed and it wasn’t a simple kiss. It was firm and with purpose. A question asked as he pulled back slightly and an answer as your lips followed his and connected again. Then it was a passionate kiss. It released everything that had built up over the weeks of uncertain tension.

-For what Sasori lacked in speech he made up for in touch. His free hand was touching everywhere. It ran up and down you chest, across your waist then pressed into the small of you back to push your bodies closer. The bulge of his growing erection pressing against you, making you crave more friction. His hand then groped your backside causing you to moan and wrap your own arm around him. The both of you needed to be closer.

-Your bodies grinding together. You removed your lips from his and peppered kisses across his jaw and chin. He huffed and let out heavy breaths. With one determined roll of your hips you pulled a groan from him. With a smirk you did it again and again until he grabbed hold of you lower back and rocked hard into you. A whine left your lips. A new game presented itself.

-You snaked a hand down between you and grabbed his clothed erection. A hiss left his lips. Without waiting to savour that sweet sound you roughly palmed him, feeling the same strain of the fabric against you. You pushed your fingers against him slowly but firmly, tracing the outline of his erection. His very hard and, judging by the wet patch, leaking erection. Sasori hissed again and groaned quietly. You smirked. He knew you smirking.

-He grabbed the hand that was touching him and yanked it free from between you. Then with one harsh thrust he closed the distance between your bodies. He was grinding against you hard. The friction, the pressure and the heat of it all was too much. The pent up nature of what had transpired between the two of you seemed to explode. Sasori was clutching onto your back so hard you could feel it burn. All you could do his rock faster, clutch harder and thrust your pelvis, gyrating against him.

-A part of you knew there would, under usual circumstances, be the next step. Clothes would shed, skin on skin contact would follow and the rest is obvious. But neither of you could wait. It was too much, it felt too good. The grinding seemed to go on forever but at the same time too quickly. With one last thrust of the hips you both came before stripping had even occurred to you. With a string of drawn out moans you both came down from your high. And when you regained a level head he was already kissing you again. This time he moved to take your clothes off.

#Anonymous #request #anon #sasori #sasori of the red sand #sasori x reader #sasori/reader #headcanons #headcanon #hc #hcs #scenario #scenarios #sasori headcanons #AU #lemon #lol lemon?#long

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phandomsecretvalentines · 7 years

Text

Tell Me Everything Will Be Alright

This is my fic (and my first phanfic wow) for the 2018 Phandom Secret Valentines, and my valentine is @citrouillephan!

I hope you enjoy! -from your valentine, @realityfallsapart

tags: fluff, angst, 2009 AU

words: 4.7k

Summary: Dan Howell tends to get lost in his head and his thoughts have a habit of ruling him even when he doesn’t want them to. When he and his best friend finally have a chance at meeting, Dan starts to wonder if he is actually good enough for the amazing human being that is Phil Lester.

(ao3 link)

(Thank you so much to @moonbeamphan for reading this over and helping me! This wouldn’t be as good without you!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan typed his answer and sent it by hitting enter before leaning back in his chair and letting out a shaky breath that seemed to rattle his insides. His laptop chirped quietly, announcing that Phil had replied to him. He couldn’t bring himself to look at it right away. Finally, after a few moments, he flicked his eyes down to the white screen of the computer in his lap where Phil’s most recent message seemed to glare up at him.

Phil :) (9:47 PM)

i know!

i can’t believe it either!

For a few moment, Dan could do nothing but stare at the screen; at the black words disrupting the artificial white light. It was the only thing that gave Dan any sort of illumination in his room; everything else was dark. He bit his lip and thought about the possible pros and cons of shutting his laptop and burying his head under his duvet to pretend that everything was fine because it was. It’s all fine.

Dan shook his head and reached his hands down to the keyboard. He wouldn't—couldn’t—do that to Phil. Phil deserved so much better than that. His numb fingers typed out a small sentence, only realizing that it had several typos until after he had sent it. He mentally kicked himself for it.

Dan ^-^ (9:51 PM)

Me niether! it seems like thsi would n e v e r happen!

**neither, this

Jeez i can spell

Phil :) (9:51 PM)

idk dan are you sure you can def spell? those seem like some pretty beginner mistakes…

Dan knew Phil was kidding. He knew that it was just Phil playing around with Dan like they normally did. Like they had been doing for months at this point. But in Dan’s heightened state of anxiety and stress, he couldn’t help but berate himself further. God, Phil must think of him as a kid now, he can’t even spell right!

Dan crashed back into his mattress, groaning and squeezing his eyes shut.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid….” he muttered, hitting his forehead with his hand with every word.

Looking back on this moment, Dan would laugh and realize how utterly idiotic his anger with himself was coming from, but right now, in bed with the lights off and by himself, he couldn’t help but magnify the issue. He had been anxious and stressed without a pause this entire week.

He looked up at his ceiling, sighing in growing frustration towards himself, but it wasn’t just because of his inability to catch his typos. In fact, it had nothing to do with them. The typos had just tipped him right over the edge and all of his insecurities crashed over him like waves, his head nearly going under the tide.

To say he wasn’t good enough was an understatement. To say that Phil deserved a much better best friend than Dan was even more of one. Phil was older, more experienced, more mature, funny, smart, kind, and extremely compassionate. He had a great time making pretty successful and entertaining videos (at least in Dan’s opinion, and he would always fight anyone who said otherwise) on the side, on top of balancing life. Dan was younger, so much more less experienced with everything, he got overwhelmed with life and spent the majority of his time curled up under his covers surfing through the waves of his latest existential crisis or playing PC video games that he would forget about within the next 24 hours. He was purgatory in the form of a human and an incredibly underwhelming one at that.

He wasn’t sure how long exactly he laid there, stewing in his self-deprecation and wishing that he was better. Better in literally every aspect, maybe then he would finally be worth Phil’s time, if only a little bit. His computer chirped again, and then twice more minutes later in rapid succession, as if angry. Dan grasped for the thing, pulling it up to his chest, lacking the energy to sit back up.

Phil :) (10:07 PM)

Dan you know im joking right?

Phil :) (10:16 PM)

Dan? you still there? i was joking i promise you can make all the typos you want

u didnt fall asleep did you?

Dan couldn’t help the watery smile that turned the corners of his mouth up, albeit it being a small one. Phil had that effect on him even if Dan was falling apart on the inside. Just a little though, he was fine.

Dan ^-^ (10:18 PM)

nooo im not sleeping

Phil :) (10:18 PM)

Dan ^-^ (10:19 PM)

why the frowny face

Dan tried to keep the fear out of his thoughts but the talons of doubt had already settled around his heart. Was Phil mad that he didn’t answer right away? Would-

His laptop signaled the arrival of Phil’s reply, and Dan really didn’t know if he wanted to slam the lid of his computer shut or jump at the opportunity to find out if he had just ruined the best friendship he had ever had. Ever will. He went for the latter.

(Dan supposed he might be overreacting, but then again, when wasn’t he, it seemed?)

Phil :) (10:20 PM)

did i insult your typing skills one too many times? is that why you disapeared?

*disappeared

Dan used the best coping mechanisms for dealing with his anxiety that he knew: humor and avoidance. Together, they were a formidable force and Dan had spent a large majority of his time perfecting their potency.

Dan ^-^ (10:20 PM)

now look who’s making the typos

Phil :) (10:20 PM)

Dan.

He gulped. Now he had done it. Fuck. He had to fix this.

Dan ignored the roar behind his ears that seemed to be screaming that he should just ignore this all, pray that things would magically fix themselves and change the topic. That was his fear talking. His self-abandonment. His anxiety. His everything. Phil was worth so much more. So Dan pushed it all away for just long enough to reply.

Dan ^-^ (10:21 PM)

sorry, joke

no, thats not why i ran away

i was just thinking, thats all

Phil :) (10:21 PM)

were you doing it again

Dan tried to pretend that he didn’t know what Phil was talking about and simultaneously cursed himself for telling Phil about his increasing habit for getting lost in his thoughts. He failed. He knew exactly what Phil was talking about.

Back, about three weeks ago in a later-than-normal conversation where all of their inhibitions seemed to dissipate, Dan had finally come clean about how sometimes thoughts got the best of him. He would crumble under them, get so completely and utterly lost in his head that he would sometimes stay there for hours on end, picking apart anything that his conscience decided to dig up. And it hindered Dan, made him hate himself just that much more, made him hate how easily his anxieties held him hostage, stuck. But he couldn’t do much about it, it seemed, for whenever he got lost in his head, he always forgot that he had to get out.

Dan gulped. He had to lie his way out of this. He knew that Phil didn’t like it when Dan got stuck. He could pull off nonchalance, right?

Dan ^-^ (10:22 PM)

Phil :) (10:22 PM)

im not convinced

you were werent you

Dan ^-^ (10:23 PM)

does my word not count for anything lol

Phil :) (10:24 PM)

maybe if we were talking and i could see your face it’d count

Dan ^-^ (10:24 PM)

what’s my face got to do with anything?

Phil’s bubble appeared on the screen once, twice, three times, before he apparently decided on what he was going to say and sent it. The entire time Dan was a few words away from having a breakdown. His hands were shaking. His mind was racing faster than normal. Faster than it had in what seemed like a very long time.

Phil :) (10:26 PM)

bc then i could tell if you were lying

tho rn i dont even need that

Dan ^-^ (10:26 PM)

are u seriously saying im lying

Phil :) (10:27 PM)

yeah

you did everything that you always do when you arent telling the truth

you joked

changed / focused the conversation onto smth else

and besides

ive gathered that you really dont like to talk about the things that bother you. you like to ignore them and stuff

Dan ^-^ (10:28 PM)

so how bout we not talk about them then

Phil :) (10:29 PM)

normally, maybe

but not with this

Dan ^-^ (10:29 PM)

and why not?

Phil :) (10:29 PM)

bc i dont like it when you beat yourself up in your head

Dan ^-^ (10:30 PM)

who said i was beating myself up in my head

Phil :) (10:30 PM)

… dan :/

youre avoiding again

Dan cursed himself. God, since when could Phil read him like a book?

Dan ^-^ (10:32 PM)

fine. maybe i am

what are you gonna do about it philly?

Phil :) (10:32 PM)

daaaaannnnnn

you arent allowed to beat yourself up

no ones allowed to

especially you!

Dan giggled, just a little. He couldn’t help it when Phil was being…well, Phil.

Dan ^-^ (10:33 PM)

and why not? Hmm?

Phil :) (10:34 PM)

bc youre my favorite person silly

my favorite person cant be sad. its just the rules

Dan ^-^ (10:35 PM)

oh yeah? whose rules then, oh wise philip

Phil :) (10:35 PM)

ew dont call me philip my nan calls me that

and theyre my rules

my rules for my favorite person

Dan ^-^ (10:35 PM)

suuurrreee phil. sure its a rule

*philip

Phil’s cursor didn’t appear seconds after Dan had sent his message like usual. Insead, nothing appeared. Their good-natured banter had eased the storm raging inside of Dan and his thoughts and anxieties had died down a little, much more easier to bear with the distraction Phil was giving him, but with the sudden disappearance of his best friend, they came back full force. All of his doubts spilled into the front of his conscience. He shivered. It wasn’t from the cold.

Dan watched the little digital clock at the bottom of his laptop screen count the minutes falling away. One, two, three, four, five, god did what did he do-

Phil :) (10:41 PM)

[multimedia image: click to load]

With his heart in his throat, Dan clicked, and a small window appeared, momentarily covering their chat from Dan’s view. It was hard to make out, the quality bad and the image itself grainy and dark, but it was of a piece of paper lying atop two legs clad in bright pyjamas that Dan could immediately connect to Phil and his eccentric personality. He could make out the tip of Phil’s finger at the top of the shot, too. Squinting, he looked at the paper itself, zooming in to make out the words penned in Phil’s handwriting.

Rules:

1. Dan Howell is my favorite person

2. No one is allowed to make fun of him

3. ESPECIALLY if that “no one” is Dan himself

Dan started to laugh. Only Phil would actually make a list of “rules”. Only Phil.

Before Dan could reply, Phil was typing again.

Phil :) (10:43 PM)

there. proper rules written on proper paper. you have to follow them now

Dan ^-^ (10:44 PM)

i cant believe that you actually wrote rules you spork

but fine! i guess if i have to lol

Dan was still working heavily with avoiding the whole situation entirely, just like with what he was doing to the problem causing him so much stress to begin with, but he couldn’t help it. It’s just how he was.

Phil :) (10:46 PM)

so you admit to your crimes xD

but anyways

you were stuck in your head again

which is okay, i mean, i understand that it’s something you cant help

Dan felt like he was going to cry. Phil’s assurance that Dan’s mind running in panicked circles was perfectly okay was almost too much. Phil’s compassion was almost too much.

But it appeared that Phil wasn’t done, because his laptop dinged quietly again.

Phil :) (10:47 PM)

can i ask whats got you so sad and worried

so i can beat it up

obvs

Now Dan really wanted to cry. How could he tell Phil that the reason was him? How could he say that the root of this ball of anxiety and stress and worrying that had taken over him was Phil himself?

He couldn’t do that to Phil, not when his best friend would undoubtedly take it hard. God, if Phil knew why Dan kept getting lost in himself, he would be crushed.

Dan ^-^ (10:51 PM)

noooo

Phil :) (10:51 PM)

are you sure? i wont judge you dan, i swear it doesnt matter if you think i wont like it

i just wanna be here for you

If Dan wasn’t crying earlier, he was now, a few select tears dripping down his cheeks, brimming with the emotions that had been taking over him this past week. Phil was…too much. He was too kind, too sweet, too undeserving of someone like Dan. God, Phil deserved the whole world, he shouldn’t have to settle with Dan.

Another message appeared on Dan’s screen, as but this one didn’t seem like normal, it was a little off, a little rushed, a little…something. Dan couldn’t place it.

Phil :) (10:53 PM)

bc youre my best friend.

obvs. xD

If Dan wasn’t so out of it and was able to think clearly, he might have questioned Phil’s “clarification” of why and what sense he wanted to be there for him, but Dan was not in the best state of mind and he thought nothing of it.

Dan looked at his screen again. He still had to acknowledge Phil’s question, and he wasn’t sure how to go about it. He wanted to tell Phil he already told him everything, have Phil reassure him and tell him that everything was going to be okay again, like he normally did. But Dan couldn’t. He couldn’t lie again, once was already once too many, and something told Dan that if he tried to ignore it or change the topic, Phil would just call him out again.

Fuck.

Dan ^-^ (10:56 PM)

it doesnt matter

Phil :) (10:56 PM)

yes it does

its enough to make you get lost in that head of yours, so it matters

Dan ^-^ (10:57 PM)

phil we both know it doesnt take much for me to get lost in my thoughts

Phil :) (10:58 PM)

still

something is bothering you and i want to fix it

Dan bit his lip. God, Phil had no idea how badly he wanted to let him fix this. He couldn’t though. He just couldn’t.

Dan ^-^ (10:58 PM)

nooo phil, you cant fix this one

Phil :) (10:58 PM)

>:(

you cant even let me try?

Always, always, but just not with this. Dan couldn’t tell Phil this, not when it would hurt him.

Dan ^-^ (11:00 PM)

no phil, not with this sorry :(

Phil :) (11:01 PM)

:((((

okay

i may not like it but i can respect that

will you tell me tomorrow?

Dan looked at the screen, thinking about it. Tomorrow was what he was worried about to begin with. Could he tell Phil tomorrow? He wasn’t sure. Well, it didn’t matter if things went good or not, Dan mused, tomorrow Dan’s fears would either be affirmed or destroyed.

He could only hope.

Dan ^-^ (11:03 PM)

sure

tomorrow

Phil :) (11:03 PM)

yay!!!

Dan laughed, breathily.

Phil :) (11:03 PM)

oooh! look at the time!

its getting so late bear wow

guess we should get to sleep so we dont fall asleep on each other tomorrow huh? xD

Dan’s heart physically melted at the use of Phil’s pet name for him. He only used it occasionally, but it never failed to make Dan’s heart stutter in his chest and the butterflies in his belly to flit around faster, making him feel almost giddy. Hopeful.

God he sounded so stupid right now. Anxious and stressed out of his mind yet still acting like a little kid with their first crush.

Stupid feelings.

Dan ^-^ (11:05 PM)

yeah i guess we should!

night philly :)

Phil :) (11:05 PM)

goodnight dan!! :D

see you tomorrow!

(ps, idk whats bothering you and thats okay but i hope whatever it is it works out for you :“) )

Ah yes. That’s what it boiled down to. Tomorrow morning Dan would board a train and take it up to Manchester to spend some time with Phil. The first time that they would see each other in real life, not just behind a computer screen. They had skyped before and texted and chatted for countless hours over countless days, but the thought of tomorrow still made Dan want to throw up.

He wasn’t good enough for Phil. He was just so terrified that tomorrow Phil would see that.

Dan ^-^ (11:06 PM)

After hitting send Dan thrust the lid to his laptop down and pushed it off of his chest, letting it fall onto the bed. Dan felt sick again. He was so scared about tomorrow because there were so many things that could go wrong and so many flaws that Phil could discover about Dan and so many, so many, ways for what is supposed to be the best day of Dan’s life to turn out to be his worst.

God, he hated his anxiety for always picking things apart. Always fucking with Dan’s own head.

Dan rolled over and grabbed his duvet, pulling it up and wishing that it would just swallow him whole. Fuck. He couldn’t do it tomorrow. He couldn’t handle this stress.

Taking a deep breath, Dan clutched his duvet tighter in his grasp and tried to keep his lip from wobbling.

Right now he just wanted to sleep. He wanted to forget that he didn’t feel good enough, that yet again his insecurities were screwing him over, that he wanted to cry. He wanted to forget. Unfortunately for Dan the universe didn’t agree and he ended up staying awake for hours after the he had closed his laptop, the entire time doing nothing but thinking, getting lost in his head, and wishing that his thoughts would just turn off.

For once.

Please.

~~~~~~

Dan slung his bag over his shoulder. His fingers felt numb. Unlike his greatest hopes, the fitful-at-best night’s sleep did nothing to alleviate Dan’s terror. If anything, it had only magnified it because now it was today and Dan couldn’t run anymore.

He took a cab to the station, and he ended up being earlier than he needed to be, having about an extra ten minutes to wait for his train. He sat on a bench, his legs nothing but jelly at this point, his fears making it quite easy to foresee his long legs from just giving out on him. Dan didn’t want to make an embarrassment of himself on top of it all, so he tried to calm his racing heart while he sat.

With no luck.

Of course.

Dan looked down at the ticket in his hand. It would be so easy to not go. To walk right out of the station, spend the weekend at home instead of with Phil, and not risk Phil seeing how utterly underwhelming Dan was as a person. He could lie, could say that he ran late, missed his train, maybe his parents changed their minds and didn’t let Dan go.

But God, as Dan looked down at the paper in his trembling hand, he couldn’t help but know that he wouldn’t be able to actually go through with not leaving. He wouldn’t be able to lie to Phil, not about something this big—who was he kidding, he had a hard enough time lying to Phil last night over something so small!

But more than that, Dan knew that it was much more than not being able to lie to Phil. He had wanted to meet Phil ever since he had started to watch his videos, and the sentiment had only increased tenfold with their fast friendship. Phil was now much more than a hero, much more than a few minutes of distraction. He was Phil, Dan’s AmazingPhil, and he was his best friend. That lanky black-haired boy was worth so so much in Dan’s eyes, and he couldn’t, couldn’t, leave him in the dust like that. God it wouldn’t just kill Phil, but it would kill Dan too. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

Dan had been thinking too hard. Before he knew it the train was pulling into the station and Dan gulped, raising on still-shaky legs and gripping the strap of his bag so hard he didn’t even have to look to know that his knuckles were blotched white.

As Dan took his seat, a new resolve washed over him. He would go. He would endure this train ride that undoubtedly would be the most anxiety-inducing thing he had done in a very long time—possibly ever—and he would do it for Phil. If Phil would reject him or not, he would try not to dwell on it on the coming trip (a losing battle, Dan knew), but he would still go.

For Phil.

~~~~~

Dan’s heart was going so fast he was sure that he was going to pass out. His hands, his arms, legs, his whole body was trembling.

Manchester’s Piccadilly Station.

Dan was here.

There was a decent amount of people on the station as far as Dan could see as the train pulled in, but none of them looked like his best friend.

The train came to a stop and Dan stood, the first to make it to the doors and there when they opened.

Strangely enough, when the doors pulled open and Dan took a step out into the station, he stopped trembling. His heart slowed—not by much, but it slowed—and this whole thing didn’t seem quite as scary. Sure, Dan’s thoughts were still screaming in his head, sure, his anxiety was still off the charts, and sure, his hands were still sweaty and his breath was still shallow but still. It was as if a calm had washed over him.

Dan wasn’t sure what to make of it. Maybe he was just going into shock.

People busied around him, walking this way and that, talking into cell phones, to other people, some silent. Dan, unsure of everything right now, followed where the general push of people were guiding him, the whole time craning his head, looking for his Phil. He tried not to panic. He tried.

But with every second the calm that had overtook him was shrinking and his anxiety steadily increased.

Did Phil forget? Did he stand me up? Oh God he’s not coming he didn’t come-

"Dan!”

Dan whirled around at the sound of his name, uttered by a voice that sounded so much better when it wasn’t distorted by their shitty computer’s speakers.

Before Dan could register really anything, he was being engulfed in a hug, two strong arms wrapping themselves around Dan’s shoulders, pulling him flush against the figure.

Against Phil.

And instantly all of the shouting in Dan’s head was gone. The slight tremble in his hands vanished, and for the first time in a week, his anxiety was gone without a trace. Dan felt like crying.

Dan gasped in surprise, his brain taking a moment to reboot because Phil didn’t forget, didn’t stand him up, didn’t change his mind, and suddenly Dan felt very, very stupid because how could he ever think that Phil would do something like that. This was Phil, the kindest person on the planet.

Phil pulled away, just a little, just enough so they could see each other’s faces, and Dan had to keep himself from pulling Phil back in.

His smile was so wide, easily the widest Dan had ever seen it. And his eyes, oh God those eyes were a thousand times clearer, a thousand times more mesmerizing than behind a screen. Dan didn’t doubt for a second that he could stand here and look into them for the rest of the day without tiring of their never-ending beauty. Fuck. Why did his eyes have to be so gorgeous.

Dan tore his eyes away from Phil’s and looked over the rest of him, from his broad shoulders that Dan wanted to wrap his arms around, to the tussle of his hair that Dan craved to run his fingers through and the line of his jaw that Dan felt the need to trace. Double fuck. Why did the entirety of Phil have to be gorgeous.

“Dan! I can’t believe you’re here! I have today all planned out; I’m going to show you everything!” Phil said excitedly, a twinkle as clear as day in his eyes. Phil was practically vibrating with excitement and it made a smile spread over Dan’s features. Phil’s happiness was contagious.

Phil stopped his rambling, looking down at Dan sheepishly.

“I mean, if that’s all okay with you. If you don’t want to do something that’s okay, I totally get it. We can do anything you want, I-”

Dan tilted his head back and laughed, laughed because Phil seemed nervous. Phil was nervous and it was adorable.

“Yeah, yeah Phil it’s all fine. All of it, don’t worry. I just can’t believe you want to do it all with me.”

Phil’s smile faded a little, and the twinkle in his eye got that much smaller. He looked a little sad.

“Was this what you were so worried about? That I wouldn’t like you?”

Dan bit his lip and looked down, giving a little nod.

Phil pulled Dan right back into a hug, but this time it felt even more real, and it was impossibly tighter. It felt like Phil was pulling all of Dan’s lost pieces together. Phil’s voice was in his ear.

“Of course I like you, Dan. You’re my best friend. I like you more than anyone else. Promise.”

Dan might have just felt like crying, in that moment. Phil accepted him. He wasn’t going to leave him. Things were okay. They were okay.

He knew that this would hit him later, maybe tonight when he had a chance to process things. He’d probably cry out of relief, but it would all be okay because Phil would be there to hold him together and ease all of Dan’s worries.

Soon enough they set off, hand in hand, and Dan was smiling so wide, so, so wide. He couldn’t have been happier with how things had turned out.

Dan looked sideways at Phil, trying to not be too obvious.

This had worked out so maybe, just maybe, something else could work out for him.

~~~~~

Dan stood at the window, a cup of coffee in his hand. It was early, and he could see the technicolor dream across the sky that was that morning’s sunrise. The steam from his coffee rose from the rim of the cup and slowly diffused into nothing; tendril-like hands wisped up and around Dan’s neck.

It had been nearly nine years.

Dan’s nervousness and dark thoughts never ceased to plague him, however, he learned to deal with it better. He could confidently say that he has never been happier.

It had been nearly nine years, and they were still inseparable. Their channels had grown exponentially, and they boasted an insanely large fan community.

As the years had gone by, their strong, unbreakable friendship slowly blossomed into something remarkably beautiful. Their long Skype calls turned into late night kisses, and they had been happily in love for nearly nine years.

Dan twisted the ring on his third finger. As well as being happily in love, they were also engaged to be married within the next year. Lately, he’d been waking up in complete disbelief.

The thing Dan had wanted so desperately to work out for him did, and in the most perfectly perfect way possible.

#submission

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