#(i feel like i shouldnt have to say this but im going to anyway cuz some of yall are bonkers
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TODAY’S THE DAY 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪STAB STAB BITCH 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪HAPPY IDES OF MARCH 🔪🔪🔪ET TU BRUTUS
#imo hot girls should follow brutus’ teachings and his footsteps#as a treat ofc#i support womens rights and womens wrongs#(i feel like i shouldnt have to say this but im going to anyway cuz some of yall are bonkers#but like lab safety and dont actually yknow. commit murder)#(that would be kind of bad)#ides of march#they caesar saladed caesar
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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what if i took back everything ive ever said for 2024 and made it into the year where i solely write farming sim charas instead
#stardust speaking !#this is a JOKE i very likely wont but. my lil bro got me awl ???? which had me so surprised cuz ??????????????????????????????????????????#then again its the same lil bro who stole happy home designer the moment i got it so i think this makes us even#(makes a farming multi and just puts gran & akira there)#actually do think they work well in farming sim verses cuz gran likes to travel & grans feelings towards their dad#is slightly nuanced between gbf verse & modern/farming sim verses#even more so in sincerely verse WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT EVENTTTT#DAD IS MIA? MOM DIED? TAKEN CARE BY AUNT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?#ouugghhhhhh if i dont get aunt talking to gran soon ill kermit#anyway grans alrdy used to village life thats how they grew up. they'll help#idk still about akiras childhood but recent akira is a city lifer at least. ppl who'd relate to those subjects with the farmer & ppl like#molly. god i miss lanna tho i need to write her again#okay kurokumo covered when the first love ends ?!?!? im listening to that then im going#farming sims just makes me so happy#i have so much ihave to say on this subject. and also did but i deleted it i shouldnt get into that now im jsut AAUURRGHHH I LOVE FARMING
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^this is me when someone respectfully disagrees with me btw
ANYWAYS! pls dont take this as me arguing in a mean way or anything, i love Sonic a lot!!! and i like talking about it and i think you bring up a lot of interesting points!!!! so im gonna go over it all in maybe a not super cohesive way???
i wanna start by acknowledging what you said at the start, "the wording of the second bolded point echoes IDW Sonic's wording of his principles in IDW #2 that Amy swoons over" and clarifying that i was referencing It Doesn't Matter from sa1 and sa2,,, (the full lyric is "Don't ask me why; I don't need a reason / I got my way, my own way!), and the reason why i alluded to it is because i was trying to make that connection that Sonic still has the same basic principals that he did during the adventure era, but i guess i wasnt clear enough oops ^^; i honestly completely forgot that theres a reference to that lyric in idw #2 but,, uh, happy accident i guess?
ok now onto my actual thoughts
i actually wanna agree with you on that first part, cuz as i think about it its something that makes a lot of sense and i havent really been able to fully wrap my head around it -- Sonic being reactive to whats in front of him is exactly how he is!!! idk how i didnt realize that before lol
as to what you said to my first point, i think that theres a level of dissonance between the games and comics with the threats theyre dealing with, and it kinda prevents me from explaining myself with examples. this MIGHT be a reach!!!! im sorry if it is BUT im gonna compare satbk and frontiers for a sec, since we're talking about satbk a lot here (as we should. its such a good game)
(and im not sure if youre lumping in Sonic in IDW with Sonic in Frontiers? a lot of people do but. idk maybe you dont lol. for the purposes of my point i will)
i think that there are parallels to be drawn between how Sonic treats Merlina and Sage, vs how he treats King Arthur and The End. he has a lot of patience for Merlina and Sage as he realizes theres a lot more to them besides just wanting to kill him, but he'll still take what they throw at him like he takes anything else. then you compare that to Arthur and The End, and Sonic is like. ready to destroy those guys. and i think that, while Sonic is first and foremost just living in the moment and reacting to what people throw at him, i also think that theres a huge difference between when Sonic is fighting a person and when Sonic is fighting a powerful entity. granted, he didnt know that King Arthur was an illusion, but he did know he was an immortal tyrant associated with hell. i mean. the underworld
i would love to use an example from the comics showing how he does treat similar scaled threats the same way but i. cant! because he doesnt face threats like that in IDW! hes dealing with things like "the dragon is back" and "that girl has psychological issues". the only thing that comes close to the world-ending threat that we see in the games is the metal virus, and it was both a lot more complicated than typical "defeat the bad guy, save the world" that we see in the games. now, that does NOT mean i dont think the games have complex stories but if i delved into every situation Sonic has been put in then we would be here for so long. and i dont wanna do that. so yeag.
basically to sum up my points above, im saying that the reason IDW Sonic has been pretty lax with his enemies, and even tries to help some of them, is because theyre not really the same level of threats as most of the villains he faces in the games. he can deal with them fine without ending them outright, so he doesnt really have an issue with letting them live. hes just kind of easy-going and chill like that. at least thats how i see it, maybe im missing something?
also, to your point that "Sonic doesnt fight for freedom, he fights against oppression" i just. do not agree lol. i mean, hes been associated with the Freedom Fighters since 1993, but theres also some more direct reference to it in reference to specifically Sonic
the Sonic Adventure Stylebook, page 9 (translated) - "He loves freedom and hates crookedness. He is impulsive and short-tempered, but also has a kindness that can't be ignored when someone is in trouble."
Sonic the Hedgehog Encyclo-speed-ia, page 13 - "Sonic is usually laid back and cool, but he's driven to fight injustice - not in the name of the law, but for the ideal of freedom."
and then i WAS going to add more examples, but the wayback machine is down right now so. can i just say source: trust me? sorry i wish i could add more examples :( i dont wanna dwell on this "for freedom or against oppression" point too much though, cuz i honestly think its just kinda arguing semantics. as well as the fact that i feel like both things are true, i just kinda didnt phrase it well in my original post
um. and now i kinda wanna go completely off the rails so please be nice to me but im gonna say something that may be controversial,,, i am of the mind that, because IDW is canon material, then it shouldnt be seen as a different character than how Sonic was written in some earlier games, even if it seems like it. because its just as much as source material as anything else! i really just think that most "out of character" things are more akin to different facets of a character. i think that writing off all of Sonic in IDW because some things he does contradicts what he does in the games is just kinda. idk. i dont like how quick people are to do that. i mean like, i got into Sonic because of IDW, and then i went and played the games and it never really felt any different to me -- just Sonic responding different to different situations. maybe i need to do another read through of IDW! but i really dont think that writing off an entire canon comic series is a good thing to do when looking at the facets of a character's personality. that could just be me
anyways ummmmm yeah i dont really have anything else to say? i dont disagree with everything you said, but there are some things that i dont think are quite right,,, hopefully this all makes more sense than my original post cuz i dont think i did a good job articulating my points
um. idk what else to add. bye bye i hope you at least liked my drawing of a super sad alien
"sonic just wants to be best friends with his enemies"
WRONG thats only in the idw comics. extremely loud incorrect buzzer.
#footnotes:#1. i dont usually bring up this point cuz im scared ppl will laugh at me for it.. but idw takes place a month after sonic was tortured in#the death egg. so i think that a lot of his more anxious moments in idw can be attributed to that#2. i also wanna be clear that whatever issues you or anyone else has with Sonics characterization shouldnt be attributed to Ian Flynn or#Evan Stanley and it should be directed toward the creative directors and the ip. if they were writing sonic in a way the ip didnt like they#would be forced to change it. just throwin that out there! ik you didnt say it in your post but ive seen a lot of ppl say it so. bleh#3. idw definitely shows Sonic being anxious or unsure more often than the games but i dont really think thats a bad thing. i like it when h#feels like a person! and part of being a person having those sorts of moments i suppose. if that makes sense#4. i have a more in depth look on The Phantom Rider specifically on my blog somewhere. i do think that the latest issues are the best Sonic#has been so far and earlier issues had some shaky moments with his characterization#though i think thats to be expected when coming off of Forces#5. i know i didnt respond to like the last third of what you said i just dont really know what to say other than big text that says#'i disagree'. and like theres so much there to unpack but i dont really think im smart enough for that#/#these footnotes are all over the place btw its just throwing some thoughts out there. not really contributing to my main point#idk. am i wrong? do i know anything? i feel like i know Sonic so well but when i try to explain i forget who he is. whats a hedgehog#ok fuck this post is making me so anxious i dont wanna be misinterpreted WAUGH im posting it anyways whatever. go my scarab#edit: ALSO ppl are talking about my post in serverssss???? (twirls hair) omg
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GOOD MORNINGGGG(istg if you dont reply to those tiktoks imma-)
ANYWAY i woke up and had an idea for u cuz im so smart and imma give it to you
so lemme get theeee mcflurry and a big mac(full band headcannons) with a bf who just be maddddd clingy and they love it like all the time but thing is if someone does it a lot then they bound to need space and they thought if they told reader to stop he finna be sad
BUT sooner or mf they yell(not yell yell) for reader to stop for just a god damn minute and readers just like "ok🤷��" AND WALKS AWAY AND DOESNT HUG OR KISS THEM FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK(hell even two)💀💀💀💀like they will sit next to bro and he doesn't even lean on them😭🤚🏾
like he aint mad or nothin he just took it really literally😭
add anything you want like duhhh
BAND X CLINGY READER
teehee hii😈 you send me like 10 tiktoks in under a minute bro
BILL:
・He genuinely does love when your clingy
・Bro is clingy asf himself oml-
・Yet everybody needs alone time to themselves, and eventually he would just feel the need to be alone
・He really didn't want to hurt your feelings, he knew this was your way of showing your love, but he would eventually get overwhelmed.
・At first he'd try giving you small hints, like when he would say he wanted to go out for a walk. Yet everytime you wanted to come along and he didn't have the willpower to ask to go alone.
・He puts up with it for a little longer before he reaches a breaking point.
"M/N! Please just leave me alone for a second holy fuck-"
"Oh, okay."
・He'd feel relieved you weren't mad at him
・Yet after a day- hell maybe even a few hours- he's craving that touch again.
・Like sitting next to you on the couch just waiting for you to hold his hand or cuddle him VKYXWUHWVEE
・You took u alot of his time so now that you didn't hang out with him as much he felt surprisingly lonley.
TOM:
・Less patient than Bill.
・Babe he loves your touch, kissing you and holding you and snuggling you and-
・He won't admit it but he's actually quite clingy too.
・He really loves his alone time though, especially if its spent playing his guitar. He just likes to be alone to relax his mind
・Gives you a few subtle warnings, telling you he "has to clear his mind" and "needs to relax"
・Yet you would still cling to his shoulders like a koala. He loved you soso much and didn't want to hurt your feelings but he felt almost suffocated.
・Telling you he's going somewhere only for you to say "Ah, where are you going? Can I come too?"
"Can I go anywhere without you following me?!"
・lol ok
・You shrugged and walked away from him, he wanted to tell out your name and call you back but he also wanted time to himself
・Feels anxious when you don't hug or kiss him like you used to, he's afraid you'll break up with him or something.
GEORG:
・He'd get overwhemles pretty quickly
・No no, don't get him wrong, he absolutely loves hugging you. But sometimes he would rather hangout and talk instead of snuggling for hours.
・So if you ask to go out with him somewhere he doesn't care at all at first, actually encouraging you to come along with him.
・But, like Tom, he loves to be alone.
・It's just comforting for him to be in a quiet area with nobody else.
・Bro gives no warnings, just flat out says "Can you not touch me right now..?"
"My bad."
・He's happy you understand him and don't just yell at him. He's happy you respect his boundaries
・He finds himself missing your touch, how you would kiss him all over his cheeks and lips or how you would play with his hair when yo would cuddle.
・HE THINKS YOUR MAD AT HIMMMMMMMM
・He's kinda scared to ask you to start giving him attention again
・You seem fine so...shouldnt he feel fine too?
(he doesn't)
GUSTAV:
・KJHBECJJLEFCBLUIEHRCLKUWEBDCLJHWEDCMKWEDCBMJDCMJWEDBM
・He absolutely loves your affection, doesn't care if he's doing something he will stop and hold you if that's what you want.
・He just feels so safe and happy in your armssss
・Sometimes he just needs a little break, like maybe a few hours or a day to himself.
・He always feels bad about this though, he loves you more than anything and doesn't wanna push you away.
・He'd give so many hints because he doesn't wanna hurt your feelings omfg
・Eventually just tells you flat out, even though his heart is pounding.
"I just need to be alone, M/N!" "That's fine."
・He doesn't know whether to be confused or relieved, he's a mix of both.
・He misses your affection so bad wtf...
・Just wants to pick you up and cuddle while watching a movie, but he's waiting for you to make a move but you want to respect him and-
・its very confusing.
#tokio hotel x reader#tokio hotel x male reader#tokio hotel x you#tokio hotel#bill kaulitz#bill kaulitz x male reader#bill kaulitz x reader#bill kaulitz x non binary reader#bill kaulitz x you#tom kaulitz#tom kaulitz x male reader#tom kaulitz x reader#tom kaulitz x y/n#tom kaulitz x you#georg listing#georg listing x male reader#georg listing x non binary reader#georg listing x reader#gustav schäfer#gustav schäfer x male reader#gustav schäfer x non binary reader#gustav schäfer x reader#gustav schafer x reader#x male y/n#x reader#x male reader
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Halloooo ^^ ..
I read a lot of ur stories and now Im in love with fictions :3 (might need therapy cuz of it but nvm that)
U an amazing writer <3
(Im pretty new to Tumblr so extremely sorry if this ends up where it shouldnt be or smth like that lol)
But anywaaay , Can I pls request a Wilbur Soot angst fic :D ?
Im going thru THAT phase rn so anything would be awsome really ..
Maybe a fight (unintentionally) breaks out between Wilby and reader and Wilby accidentally raises his voice and reader gets scared ? I know its a cheesy story and people might'a written before but I barely find Wilbur angst fics anymore :(((
Anyway , Thank u so much .. U dont have to write any of this if ur uncomfortable .. Hope ur doing okay :> .. Take care n' bye :D
"You’re Being Too Loud."
➵ PAIRING! cc!stressed!wilbur x stressed!reader
➵ CREATING! 10.12.23 | 1444 words
➵ CONTAINING! angst to comfort, wilbur is ignoring reader, reader lowkey has attachment issues, reader sensitive to loud noises, wilbs is overworked
➵ SAYING! hiii @toastyliltoasts41 welcome to tumblr! sorry for the late late response but i hope you enjoy :) personally going thru this myself especially w so much work ive been doing recently and also im noise sensitive (literally walk around with noise canceling headphones all the time). thank u for all the nice words!
─── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . :☆゚. ───
I slipped off my shoes and placed them near the doorstep. My socks glided against the furnished planks as I slid to our shared office. I dragged my backpack behind me, feeling the weight of my laptop, notebooks, and textbooks. Once I made it to the room, I placed my bag on the chair and unpacked all my belongings onto my desk.
Today was too exhausting, and the one thing I dreaded doing right now was to open my laptop and be faced with more work. Instead of taking my laptop with me, I grabbed my phone and dragged myself out of the office and into the bedroom.
After changing into my loungewear, I snuggled myself into silk sheets, shivering a little from the cold fabric wrapping around my body. Ignoring the chill, I held up my phone with both of my hands and swiped open the messaging app to text my boyfriend. I glanced at the past messages, realizing that Wil hasn’t responded to any of my messages from this afternoon. The last time he texted was this morning when was telling me what time he would come home. Sighing, I typed in another message in hopes that this time he would respond.
“Hey, I’m home now. Too tired to cook food today. Let’s order something when you get home? <3”
I clicked send before clicking off my phone and placing it on the nightstand. My eyes fluttered close, and slowly, I drifted off to sleep.
I woke to the sound of footsteps clicking against the ground. With my hands I pushed my body up to examine the noise. From the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a familiar tall figure headed toward the office. A small smile formed on my face as I carefully got out of bed.
My bare freet pressed against the cream colored carpet. I wandered around the hallway before finding the office door slightly ajar. Through the crack I saw Wil hunched over his computer. His sweater’s sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his fingers hastily clicked against his keyboard. Quietly, I approached him from behind, throwing my arms around his shoulders and hugging him close.
Wil quietly hummed in response. I titled my head, pecking his cheek, but he didn’t react and instead his eyes stayed glue to his screen. My eyebrows slightly furrowed, but nonetheless, I continued hugging him.
“Hey, sweetheart.” I mumbled in a croaky voice.
“Hey,” he replied blankly.
“Did you see my texts earlier today?”
“Uh huh,” He said absently. “I saw the message after I ate though. Sorry.”
I felt my chest tighten a little, hurting at his absence. All I wanted in the moment was a hug and a conversation about each other’s day, but instead, he was absorbed in his work and couldn’t even make the effort to look at me.
“Wil, can we talk?” I asked.
He slightly shook his head. “No, not right now, honey. This video has to be out by tomorrow and one of our editors hasn’t been feeling well so I took up the work.” He explained briefly.
“But you’re already busy working at the studio…” I mumbled.
“I know, but I can finish this up by tonight. Just give me some time, please.” He requested. My heart skipped a little, feeling like a dog that had been put aside for a brand new puppy.
“Wil, you haven’t talked to me all day. Could we at least just have dinner together?” I nearly pleaded.
“I already said I just ate, (y/n).” Wil said rather sternly. “Please can I just finish my work?”
“But I want to spend time with you.” I said, speaking up a little bit. I unwrapped my hands away from him and stepped back a little. He turned his chair a little to face me with one of his hands still on the keyboard. He looked up at me, a stressed but furrowed expression on his face. I wrapped my arms around myself, hugging my own chest.
“I want to spend time with you but you’re basically prioritizing this work over me.” I said again. “I understand that sometimes you have too much work. I understand that. But we haven’t been spending time with each other for the past few days and it’s driving me crazy. I just want to relax with you, Wil.” I bit the insides of my cheek. Wil, in turn, sighed and rubbed his nosebridge.
“I’m not prioritizing work over you, (y/n), I’ve just been busy lately and this argument is just stressing me out even more.” His words were spat out like venom.
“Which is why I’m asking that we just spend time together! This isn’t just for me, but it’s for you too.” I threw my hands up, frustrated. “Wilbur, we can relax together! You’re acting like this isn’t stressing me out either!”
Wil got up from his seat now. His tall figure nearly towered over me, making me slightly cower. “I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING RELAX RIGHT NOW, (Y/N)! I HAVE SHIT TO DO!”
I stepped back, nearly stumbling. Without realizing, tears were running down my burning hot cheeks. The air went cold and I felt this hallowing emptiness surrounding me. A ringing was bouncing in my eardrums and goosebumps ran through my arms and legs. He looked down at me, eyes wide as if he just realized what words escaped his lips. Before he could say a word, I walked out of the office and back into bed, slamming the door behind me.
I jumped into the mattress and buried my face deep under the sheets. I quietly sobbed into the fabric, not caring for the tears darkening the silk. It didn’t take but a couple minutes later to hear the creaking of the door and soft footsteps approaching the bed. I lied still under the covers as I felt the mattress dip from a newfound weight.
Wil sat there for a while. His knee shook a little, making a tiny thumping noise against the floor. I was turned away from him with his lower back lightly pressing against the heel of my foot.
“(y/n)..?” He softly called out for me. “Are you awake..?”
I shifted a little, moving my foot away from him to let him know I was listening. He sighed with his leg coming to a stop.
“(y/n), I’m sorry. I—I’ve just been really stressed, but that gives me no right to start yelling at you. And me being really busy has been taking away the time with you.” He paused a little bit, presumably licking his lips. I still didn’t have the courage to move. Instead I laid still, not daring to move. “I’m really sorry, (y/n).” He apologized again.
A deep sigh huffed from my nostrils before I sat up, letting the sheets cascade off my body. He turned his head to look at me, his feet still planted on the ground. I looked into his eyes, seeing the pained looked deep in those irises.
“Y-You know I don’t like loud noises.” I croaked out, my voice cracking with my words. He slowly nodded, bringing his legs up on the bed to fully face me. “And I really don’t like it when you yell. Please, I really just wanted to spend time together.”
“And we will spend time together.” He grabbed my hands and cradled them in his. “I’ll message Elodie right now if she could finish the work. But right now, it’s going to be me and you together, okay? We can maybe catch up on our show and I’ll order some food for you, okay?” He reassured, rubbing his thumb against the back of my hand. “Maybe I’ll steal some fries from you every once in a while.”
I giggled a little. “Noooo! Get your own food!” I whined, lightly pushing his shoulder. He chuckled in response before wrapping his arms around me, pulling me close to his chest. I wrapped my arms around his torso in response, breathing in his scent.
“I just missed you, Wil, you know that…” I softly whispered. He nodded, running his fingers through my hair.
“I missed you too. I promise I do.” He whispered back. His voice was low and deep but he made sure to maintain his volume. It was soothing, something I could fall asleep to,
and most importantly,
it wasn’t loud.
─── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . :☆゚. ───
a / n ~ hope you enjoyeddd notes of all kind are super duper appreciated! if you wanna be in a taglist or an anon my inbox is always freee :D ALSO SURPRISE!! TWO ONESHOTS IN ONE DAY I AM ON A ROLLLL
#wilbur soot#wilbur soot x reader#wilbur soot fanfiction#wilbur soot oneshots#wilbur soot x y/n#wilbur soot x you#wilbur x reader#will gold#poraphiafanfics#wilbursoot#mcyt headcanons wilbur#wilbur hc#wilbur soot fluff#wilbur soot angst#wilbur
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@asleepyy so sorry for tagging u twice in one day and i hope im not bothering u with my brain rot 😅
but yes, i did actually dissect the lyrics. yes, i am actually insane. and yes, i love this au quite a lot.
here are my notes and what i think each song represents, tho its mainly just the vibes i get. i made notes as i listened to them (note: i see songs almost always in animatic form. idk if that will effect how i imagine what each song means, but i thought it might be worth mentioning)
join me as i lose my mind over the course of an hour and a half
say what you think: def making me think of them both in heaven and jophiel wanting to ask questions.
running up that hill: AHH this one hurt. very obvious as well. jophiel seeing that azazel shouldnt be a demon. "And if I only could I'd make a deal with God, and I'd get Him to swap our places." i am sobbingggg
what difference does it make?: at first i was going to say its jophiel wanting to figure out what went wrong but azazel makes them promise not to, but i think its better suited for azazel understanding hes a demon, but he cant help but still have faith in the almighty
please please please let me get what i want: fuckkk is this about azazel being a demon but still wanting to do good 😭 short but still painful
ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn't've): my first reaction to the title alone was like the second image of the kambucha girl meme. anyway i think this one is about them becoming friends (or more?? 👀) but knowing its seen as wrong. "And if I start a commotion, I run the risk of losing you and that's worse" makes me also think of jophiel talking to the metatron and realizing he shouldnt ask about azazel lest he risk the poor thing being smited.
nothing critical: ohhhh this one gives hella vibes of jophiel not trusting heaven and knowing "something isnt right here" in regards to the fall-- HOLD UP "I know, someone had to go, If not him it'd be me instead" HELLO??? aziraphale asking for jophiel??? is this like after he finds out what azazels name used to be??
flowers never bend with the rainfall: hmm... i feel like this is a plot point song. not sure why. but "And I hide behind the shield of my illusion" makes me think it pertains to azazel
bird in space: oh this ones a bit tricky. i think ive reached the songs that no longer fit the lore we've been given thus far. so the only thing i can think rn is jophiel enjoying earthly pleasures? not rlly sure
angel, won't you call me?: oh fuckkk is this about a fight they have? "I fled at the face of my rival. When I felt his breath at the back of my neck. Angel, won't you call?" theres no way that isnt about azazel saying smth and then leaving, only to be scared he severed his tie to the only person thats been nice to him.
the stranger: first of this is a bop and im loving it. very groovy. the first thing that comes to mind is the "choose your faces wisely" prophecy. ooo is this about jophiel trying to convince azazel hes still meant to be an angel? that he wasnt meant to fall? also, the last verse is sticking out to me... not sure why
all i think about now: fuckkkkk this is giving me the vibes of jophiel finding out azazel Fell cuz of him and feeling guilty about it. "If I'm late, can I thank you now?" FUCKING OW?? oh yeah for sure this is about jophiel finding out and being sucker punched with guilt
ill be your mirror: oh goddd this song. i know crowley listens to this song but i cant remember what its about so lets see. AH SHIT YEAH THATS RIGHT. okay so jophiel reminds azazel that he is inherently good, regardless of if hes a demon. thats what im getting from this (also just tihnking of that ask i sent about the reflective sunglasses bthwjegkrw)
me and my husband: okay all im getting from this is "they r down bad". they r very very very much in love. getting vibes of this being after they stop the apocolypse. or maybe their feelings developing thru the centuries
time in a bottle: oh man this song always gets me. okay so, this and the last song r giving the oh-shit-i-might-be-in-love vibes. but this one is with jophiel's pov, while me and my husband is azazel's
ritz note: the last couple songs have been cute and lovey and i am now terrified of what the next ones r gonna be. cuz i know this fandom. and i am not ready for the pain. i am afraidddd
lonesome town: i fucking called it i knew the happy wouldnt last 😭😭 they had a fight didnt they. yeahhh they had a fight. FUCK why is this so sad but so pretty
across the universe: is this one sad too??? hang on theres a bit thats not in english, what does that mean... "Hail to the Heavenly Teacher." okay so i assume this is an azazel song. this is just making me think of the bookshop fire, but its azazel thinking jophiel died 😭 ....i am staring at the lyircs. i am glaring at the lyrics. this song MEANS something. i just dont know what. but its important. im squinting at it very hard (note: i came back to this song and am STILL glaring at it. its like. its like im seeing it covered in sand but i know theres gold underneath. i cant SEE the gold, but i know its there. this is driving me nuts /pos)
no wonder i: hm.. im not rlly sure with this one. OH?? is this azazel finding out heaven isnt that good?? "Suddenly I'm not so sure. That intentions can be pure." hmmmmmmm
what do they know?: holy shit okay this is a completely different kind of song than the others. im.... glaring at these lyrics too. feels like a plot point but cant tell what it is. i think its about jophiel? maybe heaven too?? idk im grasping at straws with this one
sea of love: oh yay a happy song again 😌 okay this is just short and sweet. gives me forgiveness and/or confession vibes.
who are you, really?: this one sounds important and i am glaring!! makes me think of "we dont need heaven we dont need hell" and also "a demon/angel that goes along with hell/heaven as far as he can". also just makes me think of jophiel speaking.
the moon will sing: i fucking love this song but i dont think ive ever looked at the lyrics so lets goooo. right away i see "I could have been anyone, anyone else. Before you made the choice for me" and think of aziraphale asking and falling for jophiel, and in a way making the choice of jophiel staying an angel. "Instead, I made a bed with apathy" jophiel trying not to care about a random demon. "I shine only with the light you gave me" jophiel giving azazel ideas on how to do "good" while being "bad". also with that line, thinking of azazel saying that to god and being sad about having fallen AUGHH i have a whole animatic in my head with this song and im losing my mind
matephor: hnnnn another important sounding song. jophiel vibes. fight song perhaps?? "Don't look too hard 'cause you won't like the scars he left in me" azazel vibes??? this one is elusive to me but i love it. okay im slowly getting more azazel vibes. like azazel trying to convince jophiel that he is a demon and fell for a reason
providence: right away getting "heaven and hell r bad" vibes. OHH okay okay this is giving me hella jophiel vibes, but specificly snarky and sassy jophiel vibes. of being like "oh yes heaven is oh so great, we kill children! but its for the greater good, of course. gotta beat hell and all that, even at the cost of innocents. all for the almighty and her ineffable plan." (this song is a bop omg)
earth angel: oh i know this one but only with crowley and aziraphale, so im excited to listen to it with an oopsie omens mind set. omg wait why does it hit HARDER. love sick azazel is such a cute image 🥺🥰
what more can i do: hmm.. them being in love but knowing its "forbidden"? cant tell who i imagine with it more
starman: this is just them. classic good omens song, regardless of the au. love to see it 💖
a pearl: AH FUCK ANOTHER SAD ONE. mitski whyy. hm.. azazel song? jophiel?? i think jophiel... tho my mind might be turning to mush at this point so im not sure. one of them is sad
duvet: oh def azazel vibes. oh maybe some jophiel vibes too?? i can see it swaping povs. i think it fits azazel more tho.
ritz note: OKAY the next song is in a different language and for a split second i legit thought i was having a stroke when i pulled up the lyrics ngl bgkewrrkjq
différent de toi: no idea what this song is about but its pretty 😊
oh thats all of them! i think the first half is more coherent observations, while the second half is just... rambling a bit lmao. idk if any of this makes sense. i might also be looking for things that arent there with these songs, but oh well. this was fun!
and now, after looking back at them all, i really does just slowly derail near the end lmao
#kinda hesitant to post this#but i think i put too much work into it not to so#here we go <3#good omens#good omens au#ritz rambles#long post
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former limiting beliefs i used to hold and how i let them go ♡
(disclaimer: these are based off of my own experience! share yours on your own blog 🥰)
“the 3d HAS to reflect the 4d just understand you have it in your 4d no matter what.” um there is no separation between the 3d and 4d when you are already 1 being (consciousness). theres no need to live in a separate entity known as imagination when its the same as the “3d” anyways. the concepts of “imagination” “physical world” or “3d” are just false forms of consciousness youve made up and personified it as real. they are not. only you are.
“the more you repeat your affirmations the more likely they will come” theres nothing to “do” or say that will bring me my desires since i am everything i already am my desires. the idea of “doing” anything to “get something” outside of me doesnt make sense when its all in me. affirmations can be used to “bring things to your awareness” but understand the affirmations themselves are STILL not bringing you anyway. just making you aware of things.
“dont check the 3d! you’ll be in a state of lack/showing yourself you dont have it!” PLS GIVE ME A BREAK?? why the fuck are you telling urself you are with someone but afraid to check their socials or for their notifications? either date someone u like or you dont think you have it. because lets be honest. if you really were in a relationship with your desired person the idea of “checking the 3d”- which u already claim IS your 4d- shouldnt be an issue. and if it is then something aint right but i wont judge!
“youre in a state of neutrality if you dont care ab not getting your desires and you dont have them” damn yall strict asf. you cant even be indifferent without it meaning something. you either have it or you dont. if im indifférent its bc i have it why stress? fucking decide already
“neville taught ab non dualism!” here we go. then why tf did you misinterpret his words like that and make it sound obnoxious? i believe he did, just like his teacher, teach non dualism (the power of awareness by him is great) but his teachings are a far cry from the nonsense most of you spew in his name. and dont even get me started on how neville used to refer to the law of assumption as the “law of consciousness” but i digress. if you separate yourself or any aspects of being then it isnt non dualism.*
going into my next point “you HAVE to read source to understand!!” i am so glad most of the law of assumption community is breaking free from this mindset cuz you infact do not HAVE to read anything. if you are the operant (main) power doesnt this mean you are your own source? oh i thought so…
“work on your self concept to manifest your sp if you dont have them your sc is shitty” well it wasnt shitty til you told me i had work to do 💀. once again there is NOTHING you need to do but “be”. working on your sc can help u feel better ab yourself for sure but its not required!
for supposedly limitless beings, a lot of yall are very limited. be careful who you get your advice from because personally i wouldnt take after someone whos too scared to text their sp- oops i mean significant other. (disclaimer: once again not bashing loa just the users who can’t decide that they believe and switch every other day. very common on law of assumption twitter!)
if you realize youve been limiting yourself this whole time and now youre like “what now-“ well as ive stated before, theres STILL nothing you need to do. youre not missing anything. this isnt a blog on why you dont have your desires, i cant tell you the answer im not your creator. (you also are everything so you in fact have your desires)
like non dualism, i hope to share this way of life with you as you’re not getting anything so theres no need for limitations. LIVE YOUR LIFE. if someone is advising you to fear your own power then ignore them cuz wtf! life is suppose to be fun not a rule book!
*disclaimer: i have nothing against neville goddard. i really like some of his teachings. however i would never go to one of his living students for advice, ESPECIALLY on twitter. not only do most parrot the same limiting beliefs he himself didnt hold, but most are obnoxious about the topic of the law of assumption. i don’t even “manifest” but if i were trying to and had them to go to I’d probably cry. if you really wish to read “source”, read The Power Of Awareness by Neville Goddard and Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle 💜 learn from the teachers themselves FIRST <3
© itgomyway
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late night shit
hi its currently two in the morning and I don't have a perception of time or a fuck to give about grammar
anyway I called my bf my husband on a discord call and I fuckin NOPED out so fast like I deadass fuckin left the call and almost logged off until my best friend told me to get my ass back on
ok so I did anyways and I explained myself and I apologized profusely
one: I need to work on not fuckin apologizing for everything.
two: hE SAID THAT HE DIDNT MIND THAT I CALLED HIM THAT. MY HEART. MY HEARTTTTTT.
he is genuinely the sweetest, most caring, best boyfriend that I could have
we have similar interests we went through similar shit we were literally fuckin strangers to acquaintances to friends to best friends and lovers
he liked me when I first moved to where I am and that wAS A FUCKING SHOCKER
cuz like
i just fuckin moved
and now boys already like me? wack
i dated around but honestly one of the guys was cuz I felt sorry for him
immediate mistake
there was another guy who tried pulling younger girls which was an ick (plus he's white and said the n word multiple times in discord servers and was overall a dick)
aNYWAYS STORY TIME.
i confessed when it was at eleven at night, anD I KNOWWWWW YOU SHOULDNT THINK PAST NINE PM OR WHATEVER
but deadass the later it is the more honest and open I am
so I fuckin SPILL IT OUT TO HIM
a chunk of what I say includes and I am pulling this from dms "but the floodgates of realization hit me with the power of christ times three" I shit you fuckin not
AND THEN I CONFESS I LOVE HIM AND HE SAID THE FEELING WAS MUTUAL AND THAT HE LOVED ME TOO.
so we took things slow. bUT TWO WEEKS LATER WE WENT ON A FIRST DATEEEEEEE <3
three month anniversary in thirteen days, RAHHHHH I love himmmmmmmmmmm
took him out to go to an amusement park the day before our second month
first month we were apart but we talked a bit and I wished him a good first month :3
wE ARE GOING STRONG.
sorry y'all I'm so sorry fuckin sorry oh my god
i should not fuckin gush like this wtf
im supposed to like
feed you content
not be g
not be all gushy
anyways i should go the fuck to sleep but yUH if you wanna hear more about how I'm doinnnnnn lemme knowwwwwwww
i can do little storytimes and drawings with itttttt <3
ok gnoight <3
#original post#samantha screeches#late night shit#i love my boyfriend#I love him so so much#like bro#I shOULD NOT BE SAPPY LIKE THIS#bUT HE MAKES ME GO <3
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hi ive been binging your blog a lot recently. i rlly adore the sheer effort you've given to these dumbass fucking characters that otherwise get such little people even attempting to appreciate or engage with them beyond very shallow depths. as someone who only really got into the p4 games relatively recently (2022. my only remembered experience with the series beforehand was like a couple episodes of the the p4anim years ago and playing p5 in 2016/2017) and kind of being shell-shocked by how characters like marie and teddie and namatame were perceived by the overall fanbase once i started engaging with it more i really appreciate all the writing and analysis and art and other shit you do for them. even the gas station attendant, a character i overlooked initially, i've come to love because of all the time and energy you put into picking them apart like a dead frog in a science class
uh yea idfk i feel generally vindicated by seeing the way you characterize these bitches. especially marie as someone who felt like a lot of her interesting aspects were evaporated by the fandom (somewhat because of p4ga i feel but but still) and wanted to see more silly fanart of her (and shumarie/soumarie/whatecvrer the fuck that wasn't just kind of surface level romance becuz i rlly do love their dynamic w how i see bancho in my head. idiots who dont know how to properly express themselves w one repressing themselves to adopt a likable persona and the other unable to shut the fuck up much to their own detriment. im not gonna get over that fucking "marie makes everyday sunny for him" post ever i think) so uh keep on keeping on and ill continue to like your posts and something
anyway dumb stupid cringe fucking rant over. i apologize if i come off like a loser i dont use this website and idk the general tumblr etiquette. im pretty sure shit like this shouldnt even go here but . dont need to respond to this i just wanted to yell into the void cuz i appreciate this account. rest of this will just be panels of marie and teddie and bancho from some of the p4g anthologies i own that i wanted to share in the off chance that you also dont already own said anthologies n have seen them befor. these r only from the last ID antho and the dengeki one because those r the only 2 i have proper pictures of
hai i read this ages ago and i wanna get back to it by saying youre so awesome possum forever and ever dont worry about your ettiquette because getting 3 essay worthy paragraphs of you talking is basically everyone ive met in the tumblr nation
another thing i remember is that a bestie also loved your offerings esp the last one because those two look so lalala AUAHUAHA okay i should answer this ask properly now that i have the time 🏃🏃🏃🏃
can we give it up for the bingers and blog skimmers !?!?!?! you guys are such an interesting breed i remember trying to do that in 2018 i can already recall the thrill going through my blood im so honored to see people doing that and moreso coming to me to tell me about it WAHAUHAHA 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶
this gas station (blog) really is catered to the niche market of all time also because the way my brain is wired to just go in the dustiest nooks and corners of a community and thrive and live there. i AM the bug you see when you lift up the rock . hai . i'll do anything for these poor poor characters being tossed around like hot potato with people who dont bother understanding thing or even try to pick them up at all. also im getting such a kick every time someone tells me i got them into appreciating the attendant or even iznmi more OR in a different way. thats why im here bros . me when i do my JOB !!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
the way fandom handles shipping has always irked me because theres just SO much you can do with two characters than just make them hold hands. what if there was blood invovled, you know . /starts pacing around the room / you know im glad you know the know it's so cool you know /shaking you/ im glad i have a post that's affected you so much like i thought it was just a silly caption at the time and seeing it after 2 or 3 years is like "YEAHH i cooked this " and im glad you brought it to me hehehe
i hope this gas station brings you joy and you keep coming back for more etc etc and please know i really am happy to see you around in whatever branch you show up at 🫡🫡🫡 /explordes
#assk#mint-adjacent-vibes#ggif#long post#ゲッー#💌#// it really does make me warm inside to hear stuff like this even when i dont get to reply all the time#// tgank you for representing the marie nation at this sad and desolate time she needs her soldier s to survive the war 🫡🫡🫡🫡🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏#// and youre doing amazing at it too even if i dont see it all the time KEEP IT UP !! ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
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ok living up to pinned post w some true confessions/dark secrets… so basically after i tried to kms in 2021 fall and went to the hospital i entered a really intense slut era and like started impulsively spending money and stuff too and i didnt have a job so i was like oh omg having a sugar daddy would work out really well for me and also i wanted to do things that would be like damaging or whatever idk why i did it rly. but anyway i engaged in some sugar baby behaviors. and then that winter break i went home from school and met up w some of my friends who ive known since i was a kid. now i have to give a little bit of context here cuz its important. so i have these 3 friends, one of whom ive known since i was 3 years old (N) and the other two since i was like 7 (S and J). and we all live in a very tight knit neighborhood/cultural community where mostly everyone knows everyone. and so my 3 friends parents know my parents. i guess you can see where this is going… but anyway i told them i had a sugar daddy or like it came up in conversation idk. and that was that. then literally the following AUGUSTTTT my mom comes to me and is like oh so some people in the neighborhood have been saying that you’ve been engaging in risky behaviors with older men and that youve been meeting them in hotels. so obviously i denied it very emphatically and tried to pry out who tf she heard that from and honestly i was like what like who could have even spread that and she said J’s mom told her and was lowkey rly cagey about it bc she didnt want to “break her daughter’s trust” and had asked other aunties about the situation like wtfff… and then i remembered i had mentioned to them over winter break so she must have fucking told her mommmm. i decided to assume best intent and chose to believe she was worried abt me and thats why she told her mom so i messaged her like hi did u tell ur mom abt this and i appreciate ur concern but i would have appreciated it if maybe u came to me directly and checked on me it would have been better and u lowkey hurt my feelings cuz now im stressed and anxious and don’t know whos saying what abt me etc etc. and then…
she fucking LIEDDDDD she said she didnt say anything to her mom AND that her mom didnt say anything to my mom!?? which i know is fucking bullshitttt 😭 like it makes 0 sense like if no one said anything is my mom just pulling shit out of the air and if she was how would she land straight on the money like that it just doesnt add up. so i was like um ok ?? uh have a good day. and decided to let it go and i lowkey don’t speak to her anymore and i told N and S that im not speaking to her but they can hang out w her if they want. and i forgot abt it.
but now i just moved back home after finishing school and its lowkey been eating away at me. it hurts me that she was my friend for 13 years and its all up in flames and i never got any closure or an apology or even her to admit or acknowledge the situation?? it hurts me to be at home worried abt what people are saying or thinking about me. i know i shouldnt care but what other people think of me bothers me. im not ashamed of myself and my choices but i don’t want other people to think less of me. i don’t want to reach out to her bc what if she doesn’t care at all about the situation ??? i don’t want to be like this has been eating at me forever and it really hurt me and her to be like what r u talking about i don’t think about you at all. she also just got into med school and im happy for her for real like glad shes doing well its just like. she hurt my feelings really bad :(
anyway if you read this far… what should i do 🥲 is the only path forward trying to let go… tbh i think i just need someone to validate my feelings like am i right to be hurt or is it all my fault and should i beg for forgiveness 😭 like my friend N got coffee w her a couple weeks ago and brought it up to me twice what does that even meannnn
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I DEMAND LEON KENNEDY SELF SHIP LORE!!!
(I don't know anything about Resident Evil other than what my brother's told me but I'm genuinely curious.)
AAA def using this ask as an excuse to talk about how we get together ❤️
Going under the cut cuz it got away from me
I meet him at a bar when im like 21 or 22 and hes around 43/44 cuz that is definitely where that man spends a majority of his time when hes not on missions. We get to talking, he buys me drinks, he thinks im cute but he can tell im pretty young compared to him. He honestly feels kinda guilty for being attracted to me
He gets a couple drinks in and starts flirting. Obviously i flirt back. But nothing happens that night and we go our separate ways
One day, couple weeks later, im out running errands or something. The suns starting to set, im walking home, and there's not that many people around. Some asshole catcalls me, i flip him off, like i usually do. But i guess i have really bad luck that day because this guy decides to pull over and get out of his car. He starts following me, yelling something about how hes gonna kill me. I start walking faster, hoping to get to the next block where i know there'll be more people.
Suddenly, someone else appears next to me. I was so focused on the guy following me and trying to, like, survive that i dont see where they came from.
Oh my god you'll never guess who it is. Yeah, it's Leon.
Since there's now a big, buff man carrying a gun next to me, and we clearly know each other, the guy following me suddenly doesn't seem too keen to keep threatening me. But Leon still turns to him with a cold expression and asks him what he thinks he's doing.
Dude takes one look at him and just turns and books it.
Leon asks if im okay and then walks me home. He figures he should probably leave, but he asks if i want him to stick around for a bit 'just to be safe'. Really, he just cant help but want to spend more time with me. Even if he feels like he shouldnt.
I accidentally triggered his savior complex and now he wants me even more
Obviously, I say yes. Hot older guy that just saved my ass wants to hang out for a bit? Literal dream come true
At first we just talk. He's funny, and we keep making each other laugh. But the more time we spend with each other, the more the tension grows
His self control keeps getting thinner and then the two of us are unconsciously leaning towards each other while we talk. He makes some kind of teasing remark that makes me pout at him and suddenly he cant take it anymore. He grabs my face and kisses me
Im ecstatic, enthusiastically kissing him back until he pulls away with a flushed face and dark eyes
He tells me that we shouldnt do this, that hes so much older than me, and i tell him hes being stupid. Making a big deal out of nothing. And he looks so guilty, torn between his desire for me and his desire to be an honorable man that doesnt sleep with someone half his age
It doesnt take much to convince him to give in. And then im on his lap and we're making out again
He spends the night. I make him breakfast the next day because with those abs he must be starving. I tell a bad joke and he cracks up and seeing me in the morning sunlight that streams through the window... he does not want this to be a one time thing. He doesn't want to be without me
So after breakfast he asks me on a proper date, and apologizes for not doing so before. Formally asks me to be his partner. Of course i say yes
And the rest is history
Anyway..
But yeah, my s/i is a normal citizen that doesnt have anything to do with the actualy resident evil lore. I dont fight BOWs, i dont work for the DSO, im separate from all of that. And Leon really appreciates having something important in his life thats.. normal. Im something stable and soft for him to come home to. The thought of me is what keeps him strong when hes off on his missions.
Oh i got sappy good bye o////o
#why do i keep meeting f/os at bars why do i keep falling for alcoholics#anyway thanks for the ask and giving me an excuse to ramble about this man!!!#also that gif is one of favorite versions of leon i love vendetta sooooo much ❤️❤️❤️ hes so cute#oh and fun fact. the cat caller thing has happened to me multiple times irl :')#ship: the s stands for stupidly sexy#ask
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yooooooo all i do lately is vent vent vent uhhh
itsssss really annoying to feel traumatized over shit that doesnt actually matter at all but you cant feel like a person who functions cuz of it
like. mkay, few years ago i did a stupid thing which was uh. pre coming out but post taking testosterone tell this girl ('girl' she was older than me, im an adult but sos she) i that i was trans. then that i had a crush on her. like a fucking idiot, i was like 'girl pretty girl nice maybe i can finally have something'
and the thing was like. we had this lax fucking job that didnt matter, we were both basically running this shitty lil store nobody came in for the christmas season. and like i had admitted id never done anything, but i should have noticed it was gonna be weird quicker, cuz while she was understanding of like 'ok yeah youre a dude i get that' it was. hmm. it wasnt really like she felt like that, and she didnt notice so much that shit she would say hurt my feelings. like this was so unserious honestly, but uh the thing abt taking t in your mid 20s is youre like... right im... im going through a literal puberty and being stupid as a teenager. im bad with expressing my feelings normally cuz of that.
anyway. it was a fling really. it was stupid and shouldnt have happened, and it probably hurt me more than i thought, but she got like... jealous of one of the employees who id known from a prev job... who to me was like. literally a child (cuz like, id known her since she was) and that made me feel so weird, cuz i was like ?? why the hell would i be thinking about her like that i havent done ANYTHING that would make you think that. and hello i only said i liked you ? but then i guess the age gap was the same in her eyes and so that might have been why she thought that. but like pfft if youre ~25 dating a ~30 yr old its whatever thats normal. going the other way gets weirder ESP if uh. HELLO i was this kids boss?? that was so weird that she felt like that. i guess cuz i was just better at getting along w people younger than me, as someone who isnt a TRUE millennial, someone whos pop culture references lean gen z or whatever. idk i just know kids like my vibe for some reason. there was NEVER anything else going on i was just... being chill? but that was enough to cause jealousy.
but like yeah theres only so many 3 weeks in 'i dont think this is a good idea i think im bad for you' texts you can get before you just go 'yeah you know what i dont wanna do this anymore actually thats fine no hard feelings'
but i tend to be a person who just cant socialize with people for long periods of time, i ghost people a lot, i dont have a history of having friends i dont know how to maintain relationships, but also i really didnt want to at this point. i felt really gross about it and embarrassed for putting myself out there and admitting a secret about myself.
anyway next year rolls around and i see her at the next job season and she tells me she and another coworker found my tiktok page (cuz shit forcibly adding your contacts IS THE DEVIL) and uh. she had to explain to said coworker that i was trans. which. felt like shit. obviously. i was still not out.
anyway THAT person was a piece of shit who talked down to me and acted like i was terrible at my job and brought aLL the personal shit up as if i had ever trusted HER with any of it. like using my new chosen name in texts and shit to call me out for nothing. i had to give her a fucking 'excuse me, you dont get to call me that i never fucking told you that and its WEIRD that you think you get to call me that just cuz you invaded my privacy.'
she literally told both my bosses about all my private shit with this girl. like all that stupid bullshit about how we had dated and it didnt go well, she spread my private shit. and like... it all... ugh. like i got told by said bosses 'hey. none of what she said is important at all dont even worry about it.' and i really appreciated that. but that year was so bad for me, i felt like i was being watched like everything i did was being misconstrued. everything blew up so fast if there was something sma,, and it was 100% that person making it worse.
next year i just came out finally just was like. yeah alright. got a beard now, had my tits removed, might as well. and everyone was chill. personal beef spreading bitch didnt come back (the bosses were glad of that) shit was chill. was on friendly terms with "ex" being normal, never had any beef that year. was very much a 'the beef we had the previous year was this bitch egging her on'. i was partially running store. everything was fine i thought.
next year. as it turns out? was not asked to help run store that year. was very confused, there was a slot to fill that no one else could and i wasnt asked to do it. instead they had this absolute bigot who made everyone and i mean EVERYONE who worked there so uncomfortable, abusive language bigoted talk, wouldnt let people leave if they were sick ass piece of shit.. yeah he got the job. and everyone complained, but hes friends with the boss so whatever.
anyway reached my wits end. quit mid season. was fine, i was moving anyway, it was whatever.
you know why i wasnt asked to have that job? cuz the ex. for some reason without thinking, said 'yeah ill come back but i dont want him to be in charge after last year'. and she... never told me there was any problem. and that hurt me so bad. like talking to other people who were there, it all seemed like... okay, i was good at my job and would just.. act like a boss and not a friend sometimes. like be the guy going 'hey can you like. go do __ i need to count the till i dont have time to hear your funny joke rn'. and she took it personally. like its fine if youre sensitive to stuff, but i was under so much stress a lot and i dont always handle it well.
and that beef she had that she didnt tell me about turned into me losing a job, losing my sanity, feeling utterly betrayed and forcing everyone else who worked there to deal with the biggest pos as a boss with no repercussions. i heard from people post quitting i was being talked shit about by my prev bosses TO the employees. for the crime of... complaining about a bigot. who was misgendering me, being racist to other employees, making the teens feel unsafe to be around. like this was a SCREAMING old man kind of shit.
and all because the ex, initially, made a comment about not wanting me to be in charge. and i just... i really dont even know what i did. it was so underhanded. and when i asked her about it, she just said 'no i didnt say i WOULDNT work under you i just said i HOPED you wouldnt be in charge, and weeks later i asked why you werent in charge' but like??? no. you literally said something that cost me a job. you did. theres no taking that back, you didnt tell me any beef you had with me, you clearly equated job stress with personal stress. you cost me a job! YOU did that you set off a chain of events! and like i cant even begin to explain how much i helped her with shit at jobs. like i kind of took all the responsibility but we were both being paid the same. i would get called every day by her being confused by things while i was at home and help walk her through shit. it was fine, i was stressed but i was fine i never held it against her!
and she like. blew up that entire shit. that whole job i loved got blown up cuz i thought i trusted a person. like was it entirely her fault? obviously not. but that kind of shit.. it just hurt. the idea that i trusted her with my own shit years ago, then time and time again that blew up in my face until i just cant look back at any of it happily anymore makes me so upset. 8 years of a job i loved w a friend, and it all got ruined cuz i said 'hey by the way, im trans' and that spiralled into something stupid.
and i havent had a job since for SOOOOOOME REASON..... i sit at home doing fuck all cuz i cant stand the idea of being around anybody again. i dont trust anybody. i dont feel safe talking to people, being in public, having a job... its so stupid and i hate everything.
also the whole. got clocked and almost punched had my 6 ft brother not been standing near me at the time thing. so now i am uh. just completely agoraphobic.
anyway. sorry i am just in a bad place lately.
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OK HI HI sorry i'm reading magic lantern and i need to scream about it to someone and. I'm not done with it yet but
I find it really REALLY interesting how like... Even though they don't get much exploration of their relationship I feel like there are quite a lot of parallels between Tsumugi and Sora ? And how, contrasted to Natsume who's really not afraid of fighting for his own happiness (as we see during the war era where he never really gives up on finding revenge), both sora and tsumugi seem content only ever making others happy (ESPECIALLY NATSUME HIMSELF) and finding their happiness by proxy through that ? And how they both kinda convince themselves that their current situation is ok even if people tell them it's not ? With Tsumugi always taking even horrible things that happen with a smile, and Sora saying he doesn't feel lonely at all bc he has the plushies he can talk to, so he's fiiine !! And like I find that... So !??!?! I dunno, interesting ? And I really really wish it was explored more and not just there without ever being brought up. I feel like they really could bond over that and maybe try to not just accept the bare minimum? Idk if any of my ramblings make sense sorry I just needed to scream about it somewhere cuz sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who gives a shit about soramugi.... I hate it when people say they have "no chemistry" (not necessarily romantic just, in general) and "nothing going for them" because that's just... not true, there IS stuff and there IS depth there, it's just not explored at all and you kind of have to dig in there on your own... Sure it may not be as flagrant as everything thats going on in their relationships with natsume but there IS stuff here guys stop sleeping on it!! (Not directed at u of course)
Also, weirdly enough I feel like the fact that their interactions always feel kind of superficial is a testament to both of their tendencies to kind of not talk about their feelings or whats bothering them, whereas natsume (especially when something is annoying him/making him angry) is quicker to speak his mind (even if hes still not quite honest about whats making him feel this way). Idk if any of this makes sense aaa sorry for the novel I just. I needed to say it and I felt like here was the right place cuz I always love reading your and everyone's takes on stuff ,,,, anyways!!! I love ur art btw and ur like the only person on tumblr who i activated notifs for cuz I never wanna miss any posts of urs!!!! I might be a lurker but ur blogs still often a highlight of my day ^-^ keep doing what ur doing!!!!<3
ANON UR DEFINITELY ONTO SOMETHING!!!
i feel like soras character is a very interesting middle ground between natsume and tsumugi, like ok lemme talk about natsume for a sec;
ive always read natsumes relationship with sora as natsume seeing himself in him. sora reminds natsume of the kid he used to be (the "naivety," speaking in third person, etc) which is why hes so adamant on protecting him. his treatment of sora is also a parallel to the oddballs (the desire to protect from corruption, shu being "tsundere" but soft around and unable to say no to natsume (self explanatory), rei being very "babying"/whiny (natsume tends to coddle sora and whines when sora isnt paying attention to him), wataru being natsumes shisho (natsume being soras shisho) etc etc)
im mentioning this because as you said; alot of soras personal mannerisms are more in-line with tsumugis. theyre both INCREDIBLY self-sacrificing and CONSTANTLY fail to take their own happiness into consideration, but theyre both fine with that when they really shouldnt be. this is also why i really hope that the switch climax event will center around these two specifically; because they should be able to understand each other the deepest, theyve just never had the opportunity to do so. for the both of them to grow further they need the other, because in a sense tsumugi is kinda the jaded older guy, while sora is the young one still full of so much love and wonder for the world. tsumugi can help sora maintain realistic, and sora can help tsumugi stay genuinely happy and positive.
soras part in switch is an incredibly interesting one to me, because on one hand you have natsume projecting way too much onto sora, and on the other hand you have tsumugi not projecting anything at all. esp since sora and tsumugi are probably the ones who need each other/to learn from each other the most atm. such complicated little guys dont fuck this up for me akira 💔
#long post#happyele listen to me. Let me write the switch climax i got this. >cannot write#ask#AND WAHHHH THANK YOUUUUUUU!!!#IT MAKES ME VERY HAPPY YOU LIKE MY ART AND RAMBLES ESP ENOUGH TO TURN ON NOTIFS AJHKSHDK#❤️❤️❤️❤️
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this is gonna be a long ass rant about my 'friend' feel free to ignore, i just need to get this out somewhere cuz im literally shaking she makes me so mad <3
i have this friend, S, and she always goes on about how we are so close and she loves me and she hopes college (im in the uk so its college for 16-18) doesnt separate us and that we stay close etc etc.
but then shes such a bitch and i rlly dont know why im still friends with her. shes rlly insensitive about sh, i mentioned to her when i was younger that i did it and she was supportive, but now she makes jokes about it all the time and she doesnt know i didnt stop at 13.
i have a lot of family issues, and shes well aware of them, but she always tries to make me feel guilty about stuff e.g my mum has adhd and my younger brother has autism & adhd (im considered a young carer) and they both have physical health issues, so it can take ages for me to be able to leave the house if im getting dropped off. theres no bus that goes direct to her house (and i dont want to have to walk over an hour everytime i see her. i could but adding on the bus journey i would spend about 2 hours travelling just to see her, and she always insists i go to her so it would be rlly unfair. (i cant have friends over due to multiple reasons and omg does she bitch about that. she could still come to my town with me but she never has)) and i cant afford to uber all the time so my mum often drives me but we are late a lot. ive told her countless times that i cant control when i leave since there are so many outside factors out of my hands, and she always complains when im late and says its disrespectful that i dont turn up on time among other things.
shes an only child and lives with both parents who do everything for her, so she cant even begin to understand how stressful basic things can be for me and my family. my dad doesnt live with me (he also is undergoing treatment for brain cancer which she doesnt give a shit about, and even says stuff like "oh well you can still go out even if hes visiting, its not that big of a deal" if i tell her i cant go out cuz hes over on a break from chemo)
now shes mad at me because we are going to a mutual sleepover tmrw and she wanted to host pre drinks (which i honestly think is kinda pointless) with another friend before walking to the sleepover together. i asked my mum if she would take me and she initially said yes, but then she changed her mind because its easier to drop me to the mutual friends house from mine, and she doesnt see the point in driving further just for me to have to walk 30 minutes from S's house anyway. when i told S, she said that i was making excuses cuz i didnt wanna go, and that i dont make enough effort since if it were her she would just go anyway (ofc she would bc her parents do whatever she wants in fear of her having a tantrum). no matter how much i tried to explain that i cant change my mums mind, and that if i walk the 30 minutes to hers and then walk with her back to where i was dropped then 1. thats over an hour i have to walk for with my big overnight bag which i dont rlly wanna do, and 2. we will be late because im getting dropped when the sleepover starts.
she also brought up the fact that im often late to her, and said i shouldnt cancel the night before but i messaged her in the morning and she didnt reply, and also i only found out my mum would take me today so theres nothing i can do???
she tried to excuse it by saying shes frustrated that i cant go, and i told her thats not an excuse to suggest its my fault or to say im making excuses, and she left me on read.
shes such a bitch i cant wait to go to college and never have to see her again shes so self absorbed.
i get that its annoying, dont you think im fucking annoyed and i have to live it. and i havent even listed all the issues in this post. she only cares about how my life effects her, and never once has she checked if im ok despite me saying im stressed. i get shes not obligated to check on me, but she constantly goes on about how she loves me and she really doesnt act like it. even friends that i barely talk to have checked in on me after hearing about my home life.
i rlly do like her, and we could be so close if she was just less self absorbed. i cant bring myself to see her as a real friend, because she cant accept a giant part of my life and it really fucking hurts.
she makes me feel like im a terrible person, but theres nothing i can do to fix it. i fucking wish my life was more normal but its not and it never will be so highlighting that its not normal does nothing but make me feel like shit.
#im fucking pissed off#sh recovery#i wanna cvt#sh vent#vent#sh#cvtblr#988blr#self h@rm#vent post#vent blog#venting
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The Need For Space
Vvv Can I call ya Thiomi instead a Mimi from now on? vvV
..aww... why don't you want to call me 'mimi' anymore?...
Vvv Same reason I started sayin' Dan instead a Danny. I'm six sweeps now. I ain't a wriggler anymore, an' sayin' Mimi is a wriggler thing. vvV
...if thats how you feel... then its okay with me if you call me my full name instead...
Vvv Thanks, Thiomi. vvV
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Vvv Can we go ta the city tonight? vvV
...oh... uh... s-sure...
Vvv ... Yer still sad about yer face, aren't ya? vvV
... ...y... yeah... ...i am...
Vvv Havin' scars ain't somethin' ta feel bad about. Scars mean ya survived what tried ta kill ya. Me an' Dan an' Corali are covered in them. You even have other scars, and they don't make you feel bad. Why are the new ones different? vvV
...i dont have these s-scars because i s-survived... ...i have them because s-someone wanted to hurt and upset me...
Vvv Well, what about the scar on yer arm I gave ya when I was little? I was tryin' ta hurt ya, an' yer not worried about people seein' that one. vvV
...thats different... ...you didnt know better when you did that... ...the person who cut me up knew exactly what s-she was doing to me...
Vvv Well, that's just more reason not ta be upset. You bein' afraid ta let other people see you means she won! vvV
...varoll... please... ...its not that s-simple...
Vvv Why ain't it?? vvV
...can we s-stop talking about this??!...
Vvv !!! vvV
...i... ...im s-so s-sorry... ...i didnt mean to yell at you...
Vvv 'S fine. I'll ask Dan ta take me instead. vvV
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...you want to go alone?...
Vvv Yeah. I ain't a wriggler anymore. I can go ta the city by myself. I know what the streets an' stuff are an' how ta get ta places, and I always keep my knife in my pocket an' my arrows in my strife deck if I gotta fight. vvV
...but youve never been there without me or dantli with you... ...are you s-sure you dont want one of us there?...
Vvv Yeeesssss, ugh, you don't have ta act like I'm still a little kid. I can take care a myself. I live all by myself in the swamps an' I been just fine--
...because you have your lusus to protect you... ...s-shes never more than s-shouting distance away from you...
Vvv Yeah, okay, but I also like, hunt and kill things way bigger than me! An' ya don't gotta problem with that! Why's goin' ta the city by myself such a big deal?? vvV
...because trolls arent like animals... ...trolls are a lot more dangerous... ...animals dont use weapons... or lie to you to hurt you!...
Vvv An' I killed trolls, too! Plus, I'm the highest blood color, so I'm allowed ta hurt or kill people lower caste than me anyways! vvV
...you s-shouldnt be thinking like that!...
Vvv I'm not! I'm just sayin' if I get in a fight I ain't gonna be in heaps a trouble like Corali! Why're ya makin' this hard?? vvV
...im just worried!...
Vvv An' I'm tellin' ya not ta be cuz I can take care a myself! vvV
...varoll kaydur... do not take that tone with me!...
Vvv Yer the one yellin'!"
...im not--!... ...im not yelling...
Vvv Yeah ya were! If yer gonna be mad about it, then fine. I ain't goin'. Happy now?! vvV
...of course im not... ...youre angry with me...
Vvv I just want you an' Dan ta stop treatin' me like I'm still little. I can do stuff without y'all, ya know. I don't need ya glued ta me all the time anymore. vvV
...youre right... ...i guess im just having trouble letting you grow up...
Vvv So... I can go? vvV
...ill talk it over with dantli... ...if he s-says yes... then you can go on your own...
Vvv Yes!! vvV
#things to read#Thiomi Shiaka#Varoll Kaydur#tfw your daughter is at the age where she wants to be more independent#but you're not ready to let go of her#Not a true drabble but I wanted to write it anyways
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