#(i can work remotely. which i will be doing if i get this job. i am not moving to minnesota)
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In the early days, or really the first couple years, of my current job, I was kind of in awe of the fact that I was actively pleased to be there--zero clock-watching instincts, the days passed quickly, the work engaged my attention and felt worth doing even when it was stressful, I didn't even really look forward to my days off. I didn't have any sense that I was being forced to burn hours from my "real life" as a necessary evil to make a living. Work was a part of my real life and I was happy with that, I was even happy with it being a large part of my real life, I was happy with it being the largest part. (For those of you who aren't caught up on my lore, I'm describing a high street retail job that pays very slightly more than minimum wage.) I was in awe because nothing in my personal experience up to that point had made this kind of emotional relationship to a day job feel plausible or even really thinkable. It gave me a feeling that I imagine to be the feeling of cheating death. Everyone else is forced to give up those dozens of hours a week, it's a hole in their life; when I give those same hours they are simply given right back to me. I'd found some strange loophole where I can pay the full price while somehow losing nothing.
It doesn't feel like that anymore. It's still the best job I've had (not an impressive statement in context but a true one), it's still relatively enjoyable and pleasant and I'm still grateful to have it, but it now has much more the character of an obstacle that stands in the way of what I actually want to do with my time, the loophole has been closed, working is something separate from living again, everything is back to how it should be. I could list things that have changed for the worse in my workplace over the years that go a long way to explaining why my feelings changed, though I won't do that because it would be boring.
There's another thing though, which I should probably think of as the most obvious contributing factor although I never really do, and I started writing this post to try to lodge it in my mind a little better. Which is that for the first year and a half of this job I was coming home to a relationship that was really really bad. We spent our entire home lives trying to ignore the fact that we didn't like each other and couldn't ever possibly fail to make each other miserable and every couple weeks breaking out into quite pathetic melodramatic arguments wherein we'd pretend that there might be anything worth doing about this situation besides the obvious. Then that relationship ended and now here we are. It's not actually remotely surprising that the half of my life that involved doing structured achievable tasks in the company of people who were mostly pleasant and kind felt solid and fulfilling when the other half was suffused with anxiety and conflict and bitterness and frankly a profound and bleak and horrifying boredom. No particular explanation is needed for why I didn't spend my work days counting down the hours until I get to go home, and no particular explanation is needed for why I kind of do do that now. I genuinely thought at the time that I'd lucked into some magical thing where the work itself was innately life-giving, when any idiot could have looked at the situation and told me...
Anyway, the practical takeaway from all this is: if you wish you had a more fulfilling job but don't know how to get one, consider simply making the rest of your life horrible.
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#GUYS I DID IT!!!#I PASSED THE ASSESSMENTS#MY CLIENTS I TRAINED WITH THESE PAST 4 MONTHS GAVE ME GOOD REVIEWS#MY MENTORS SAID IM GUCCI#IM A CERTIFIED ONE ON ONE AND GROUP COACH ON THE PLATFORM AND GETTING REGISTERED NATIONALLY#IM GETTING MY CONTRACT THIS WEEK AND START GETTING PAID!!!#FUCK YES!!!!#its fully remote which means even if my disability gets in the way I can take care of myself at home and still work my magic#and I can work around my remote graduate schedule#THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!#IM SHAKING#after all the shit i've been through since march with my former work place doing odd jobs to make ends meet and barely making it#FINALLY SOME GOOD FUCKING FOOD
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Can I have a hug
#side effect of slowly getting better is I now have to work out how to have a life after when it feels like I ruined everything#I know I didn’t and my illness would’ve done this eventually but it feels like it cause my degree is worthless now#can’t do any of the jobs that I was going to do anymore#can’t do most entry jobs#can’t do retail or food service or most peoples first jobs#don’t really have irl friends anymore#I’m just. ugh.#my parents said they’d pay for me to go to college again so I can get a degree that works for remote jobs with higher pay than my original#field. which isn’t hard bc that pay was gonna be 20k a year for like six years lmao#and I did stumble across some resources for which doctors can treat my illnesses in Europe so I could try to use it as a way to finally#fucking leave this country but idek how I’d go about getting accepted to a university anywhere if I already have a degree that just doesn’t#work for me anymore#and I’m sad that I can’t do the career I poured my soul into for so long#and I miss my friends and feeling confident#I’m glad I’m getting healthier enough to think about after but I’m terrified and exhausted just thinking about working out how to find what#comes next and what’s possible#and I’m just really really sad#and I’m scared of getting too hopeful about anything#I really miss Austria and people have said I’d really like Germany and I’d love to move but I’m scared I’ll research and find nothing
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If I don't find a new job before September, it's gonna be 9 straight weeks of polls starting in September, every weekend of September and October (including the weekend of Housemate's bday, and the weekend leading up to Election Day)
In addition, no cancels or sick days will be allowed for that period of time. Any cancels or sick call outs will result in disciplinary actions up to a fast tracked firing (to be fair they didn't say this exactly, but the Implication in this part of the email is quite strong lmao.)
Anyone wanna hire me on to do literally anything? Dig holes? Clean your house? Shine your shoes? Feed your cat/dog/fish/cow/etc? Stare at a pot of boiling water for your dinner? Paint your living room then stand there and watch the paint dry then repaint it a different colour and watch it dry again? Anything at all, anything you want, anything-
#text post#i want to think I will have a new job before then bc ive been trying to force myself to be optimistic abt the job things#that said. been trying to feel that way for months and it doesn't seem to be working or making anything happen (which isn't a thing anyway)#despite my consistent sending out of resumes and cover letters to anything i might remotely be okay enough at or could learn quickly enough#so feeling less optimistic more worried and more utterly frustrated with this job#our polls haven't even been chosen by the big news outlets over the last few months!!! everyone uses AP instead (as they should tbh)!!!!#whomst in the fuck are we doing this for??? especially when so many of our questions as of the last few surveys#feel designed to stir up emotions and piss ppl off on both sides and treat it like a reality show voting portion#rather than the extremely serious election that it is#like. are we actually doing something useful here or can we just admit that polling like this to some degree#in its current form at least is a part of the problem#god im sorry i'll end the tag essay here soon but fuck me#i was juuuuust feeling like things were calming down and maybe I could get into later fall w/out major upsets/issues#so of course this is the best time for my manager to drop this on all of us#at least they warned us i guess. the bar is under ground and my manager consistently has a shovel#but he poked his head out of the endless hole he's digging to offer this warning before he pulls us into it with him#im so tired man
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genuinely so angry and scared im shaking. how many other times this week this month this year have i been exposed without knowing it. do people even tell each other anymore. it’s just so grim. it’s so fucking grim
#purrs#delete later#covid19#i am fighting for my fucking life every day to stay safe and to keep the people around me some of whom are disabled / chronically ill /#immunocompromised / medically vulnerable safe. i am fucking fighting for my life. it’s already hard that i am usually one of two people in#any given room still wearing a mask let alone an n95 mask. hard and bad enough that we get looks for wearing masks and people think im crazy#for my life still being on hold and for my family still basically never going anywhere. ITS FUCKING WORSE that we are still very much in the#throes of all of it and we are in constant physical and quite frankly EXISTENTIAL danger not only of getting sick / becoming (more)#disabled / literally fucking dying but also returning to the absolute hell of lockdown which while important was psychologically damaging in#ways that are difficult to even articulate. like not only have we as a society decided to not give a shit about unpacking all of that and#healing from the trauma and assuming everyone went through the same thing when we very much did not and to just send everybody back to#school and work because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 but we have ALSO decided to pretend like the freakish unceasing danger just doesn’t exist#anymore and to get rid of every tool we had available to keep us safe or at minimum make people have to pay exorbitant amounts of money to#access them because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 !!!!!!! im TIRED. im so fucking tired of it. i am so fucking exhausted and angry and scared. and i#HAVE the luxury and privilege of being able to afford n95 masks and covid tests and to be able to work a job that i can do remotely if i#need to and to not be disabled or immunocompromised. what makes me fucking furious is we decided to throw all the people who don’t have#that access or privilege under the fucking bus and forget about them lol. but what do you expect from a country rotten to its core the way#it is lol. im fucking despondent. why are we living in an incinerator.#* the lockdown(s) werent just important they were necessary. and arguably we should have another one even though if we do i genuinely fear#for my mental health both during and afterwards and quite frankly before. im tired. i am grateful for the life i live which has resulted in#part from the different things that have happened because of the pandemic but i also so desperately wish this never happened and every day I#think about what life would be like if it hadn’t happened. the grief of it all is unspeakably big.
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My dad is really seriously planning this trip to Washington in the summer of 2026 I'm !!!!! Gonna see orcas !!!!!
#i told him the best places to see them are the puget sound and johnstone strait and san juan islands and Seattle and Vancouver#apparently hes making it like a 3 month completely cross country thing#and hopefully probably I'll be living somewhere else by then#so idk how much I'll be able to go on#if i get a remote job i can do the whole thing and work through#which is what my parents are doing also#and i would like a remote job anyway#but even if i have to get on a plane and only go to the Washington/Vancouver part#im gonna see orcas!!!!!!#and we are beginning the manifestation now!!!!!
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Feeling a little bummed (read: succumbing to existential despair) abt the fact that I haven't had time or energy to work on my comic art or script editing and if current trends continue I won't have either of those things for the forseeable future either but. I did manage to update my spreadsheet

#wastepaper basket#Feeling increasingly trapped in my own life between work and my living situation and all I rly want to do is take the next 3 months off#to work on this which I could theoretically afford with part time work but my mum would not allow me to do that despite me being almost#fucking 30 and I definitely wouldn't be able to afford my own place if I did so like it seems like I have to choose to get out of one or the#other but not both. Unless I can find another job doing remote work or something which is also stressful bc it's freelancing which means#having to constantly job hop once the contract ends would probably also mean no time for personal work so like!!! How do I win!!!!
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Unfortunately sometimes I know what will fix me and then I just don't do it. Anyway
#me: my body hurts. I know a quick youtube yoga video will really help with that. guess i'll lay in bed and suffer in pain#me: i can't be productive until ive eaten something and had caffeine. guess i'll lay in bed forever#truly im a problem#my body is in constant pain and a good yoga video helps a lot#i do no yoga for weeks and then five videos in one go#tonight's a yoga night!#cuz it's been a rough week and i get too in my head. and exercise helps me get out of my head and into my body#which is a nice change#in this moment i remembered that i was supposed to do some work from home#cuz i took a short day a couple times. so i was supposed to work from home. and i completely forgot. in favor of knitting and yoga#it's fine. i don't have work tomorrow. i'll just make up my hours then. anyway. sorry i'm distractable#but most of the time i know what'll fix me. talking to a friend. exercising. eating. caffeine. and then i just don't#in some slight defense i have no energy or endurance so even gentle yoga can be a challenge#but it feels so nice when i can make myself do it#unrelated i have two job interviews tomorrow. one on friday. i had one today#i'm really quickly getting over my interview anxiety just with the sheer volume of them. i'm moving in two weeks and need a job#i get to keep my current job remotely for 16 hours a week#and it's a flexible schedule other than meetings so it'll be easy to squeeze around another full-time job#but i still need that full-time job. today i interviewed for a deli. tomorrow subway and dunkin. friday a historical site#the other week dollar general and dunkin. tomorrow is my second interview for the same dunkin. i pray for that one honestly#and then closer to moving i have interviews with mcdonalds and culvers#one of these has to pan out right. right??!? i pray i pray. but yeah im really quickly overcoming that anxiety#and today im doing yoga to help with everything. and im just hoping for a lot. it's been a long fucking week. wish me luck#these tags were all over the place i apologize. i can't really remember the initial point of this post
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rich husbands who make their whole life about taking care of you.
oh, that necklace you glanced at while at the mall? now you're there trying several other ones on because "they all look perfect on you."
the dress you looked at through that shop window? bought. plus anything else you even remotely wanted.
that snack you crave almost all the time? he almost buys the whole business for you just to have them as often as you'd like. (in moderation of course!)
rich husbands who don't understand why you want to work, and every time you tell them why they simply say:
"i can provide more than enough for the both of us, but go ahead."
rich husbands the second they see you all stressed and tired from that job, call in and quit for you.
and when you try to get up the next morning to go to said job, he ushers you back to bed, lays you down and tells you to "not worry about that pesky job again."
rich husbands who like to make it known to everyone that you're married to him.
buys you the biggest rock you've ever seen adorned on your finger to propose to you, and makes it his routine to see if you have his ring on. (which you always do.)
indirectly flaunts it to passersby's by holding your hand, occasionally picking your hand up to inspect it, and trying not to crack a smile as he hears women gasp, and whisper, "she's one lucky woman."
rich husbands who tell everyone they know about you, whether that be coworkers, family, or random people, he'll always somehow flip the conversation to being about you.
"oh that? my wife is quite fond of it, yes."
"that reminds me of my wife, she quite likes those things. often calling them "cute.""
rich husbands <33
#── ꒰ order up! ꒱ ౨ৎ .ᐟ#idk what was going on with me but here#genshin impact#genshin#genshin x reader#genshin fluff#genshin impact x reader#diluc x reader#diluc x you#neuvillette#neuvillette x reader#wriothesley#wriothesely x reader#zhongli#zhongli x reader#childe x reader#childe#ajax#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk satoru#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x reader#jjk nanami#nanami kento#nanami x reader#geto suguru#jjk geto#geto x reader#drabble
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just thought about how annoying the combo of
"if you work hard you can even buy your own house" to "lmao in THIS economy?" in combo with "oh yeah tech is the future and here are all the ways on why" to "the internet is eating itself+what jobs???" is
you'd think those false promises would stop but nope
#txts#can stuff i am even remotely interested in not suck foR 5 MINUTES#i like art-you cant live off that#i like game dev-crunch time+shit pay+jobs where#i enjoy what little coding i have done-jobs where??+internet dying bc of ai i swear#all else is either physically intensive#time intensive#or retail and/or customer work intensive#i feel like i am going insane with this shit sometimes its so frustrating to even look at#and god help you if you wanna learn/do smth else you better get there quick and figure it out#or you're on your own or will straight up be denied bc you're too old for new stuff#which-false but i digress#i have been negative these past...2 or 3 days i know#probably pms i swear#but also work comes nearer#i got tomorrow off still#and then friday is inventory day so work till 8pm at least#mybe less this time bc we do have less stock#unsure-i havent been at work for 1.5 weeks#i just....wanna do smth i dont hate which pays decent to well and possibly only 4day work week or similar#+remote but even that just limits it to tech or customer service#which both PAYS better#but dear god...customers#i am so tired of them#i follow someone who literally has a phd and loves their job fully and i am so jealous tbh#like looking good never complains and LOVES what they do??? hello?? teach me pls qwq
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my interview is in 10 minutes aaaaahhhhhhhhhh
#i feel prepared but i'm still nervous 🥲#i need a job y'all!!!!!!#if i fuck this up i'm gonna be so sad#i think it'll be ok. the recruiter liked me. the company is midwestern so we vibe lmao#(i can work remotely. which i will be doing if i get this job. i am not moving to minnesota)#m.txt
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hi! i was just wondering if you’re getting a piece of this pie. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/voidrealmminis/rise-of-the-eldertubbies?ref=profile_saved_projects_live
Oh my goodness! Haha thanks for showing me! And no, of course, this guy is still selling my dream while claiming it’s totally nothing to do with me. I hadn’t heard about it so thank you.
For those just joining us, here is the saga of the elder teletubbies:
1. in 2017 I posted a dream I had on Tumblr. In the dream I discovered that the childish teletubbies shown on BBC’s Teletubbies are merely the children of a species that grows up to be forest cryptids as adults. The post contained a detailed character description explaining how the children’s simple antennae become more complex antlers; their coats become thicker hair; their eldritch screens are unknowable; here, look:
The adult Teletubbies have more branching, complex antlers and shaggy coats. They are less brightly coloured. They are terrifyingly large. Their strangely human faces, emerging from the thick fur, are unquestionably adult; remote, serene, reproachful. Their television screens are glitchy, esoteric and unknowable. They are cryptids whose public exploitation has undermined their rarity and their strange, alien dignity.
That’s a pretty clear description.
2. The post quickly gained attention and many people drew art, made sculptures, designed in-depth character concepts, and even made DnD character sheets and entries with detailed notes. It was 2017. The post got over 90k notes. It had an extremely clear description of the cryptid in it. This wasn’t at all obscure.
3. The post and four pieces of the concept art, including the first piece by were screencapped and posted on r/tumblr. The post included this art by the now-deactivated @finoliatav which is, I think, the first piece of art. Most screencaps don’t show that it’s animated! Once you see it you can no longer pretend that any more work needs to be done in designing these characters, really - they’re all variations on a very clear theme.
4. A guy called Jars started drawing the BBC Teletubbies as adult Teletubbies. He noted on Reddit that his inspiration for the first one was the r/tumblr post but after that, he considered it entirely his own creative work. He drew each of the 4 BBC Teletubbies as adults using my character description and wrote a little story about how his character had stumbled upon them in the woods. He’s a good artist and his work went viral on Reddit and instagram. Those places being separate from Tumblr by the walls of the enclosure, they quickly believed the Jars was being highly original and praised him for it.
5. jars got carried away by his fame and started merchandising for all he’s worth. He’s selling elder teletubbies placemats. He got a collaborator to help him make and sell plushies.
6. Plushies of my character design applied to BBC characters. Jars sells them. To people. Who buy them. He sells these.
7. I think this is like… his job.
8. It has been years of this. I don’t think he has actually come up with anything else to sell by himself. But given that he now has millions upon millions of views on platforms I don’t use, let alone dominate (Instagram, YouTube, Reddit, TikTok) he seems to have fully subscribed to the idea that this is his THING.
9. After a while I wrote him a friendly email expressing that since my original dream was very much about discomfort with how the teletubbies were being exploited, I didn’t mind him selling his own art but that I wasn’t happy with him selling plushes based on my writing.
10. He wrote back along the lines of it all being his original intellectual property and absolutely nothing to do with me, etc, so jog on and don’t interfere.
11. I’m not entirely sure where the original intellectual property is when taking BBC characters and drawing them according to someone else’s detailed description of how to “evolve” them (branching antlers, shaggy coats, eldritch screens, serene adult human faces) especially having drawn them after seeing four separate detailed reference photos to base your own drawings on; especially when they’re the existing BBC characters from the show and not even your own. Like, Jars, you were given an entire detailed brief, several sets of references, an entire concept and a television show: the only artistic choices made here were to pick up your own personal pen and do the drawing. You have never deviated from my description, which you did not come up with yourself in any way. But okay Jars. You did some real intellectual heavy lifting here, this is Intellectual Property suddenly, and I guess this is your day job!
12. I myself actually have a day job, am capable of generating lots of other original material just for funsies, have never asked you guys for money, and I’m not generally huge jerk I don’t think. Also, I’m uncomfortable but have never been clear on how to stop him - I don’t think I can. So I don’t do much about this, apart from occasionally scream with hilarity with you guys about it.
13. Like this is the opposite of Goncharov. This is a guy making his wage on a 2017 tumblr collaborative shitpost insisting that this is the beautiful fruit of his only brain. And millions of people believe him.
14. There are now YouTube documentaries with millions of views and TikTok lore about Jars, and his lore, the Elder Teletubbies, which apparently he invented. People are making their wage talking about the history of Jars and his teletubbies lore. These documentaries are, if you can’t tell, not especially well-researched, as it is not difficult to find the original elder teletubbies art on the internet, which is all timestamped. Occasionally hilarious people from Tumblr point this out in the comments (thank you, you guys are hilarious) but the juggernaut is unstoppable!
15. Jars is now, apparently, doing a kickstarter to raise money for some kind of DnD sheets using the grown up BBC teletubbies.
16. I will point out that tumblr made and played with DnD teletubbies in 2017 for free and nobody had to pay $3000, but again. The juggernaut is unstoppable.
I have never, ever known what to do about this guy.
I have always been open to advice but genuinely never been able to articulate how it “damages” me, apart from ethical discomfort about how much I hate my writing being monetised by other people, especially when it was about my discomfort with exploitation. The juggernaut is unstoppable though. He fully intends to get thousands of dollars from this. He almost certainly will!
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gummy bears
𝜗𝜚 THEME: fluff, established relationship 𝜗𝜚 PAIRING: idol!seungcheol x fem!reader 𝜗𝜚 WORD COUNT: 603
SYNOPSIS: sometimes you find it concerning how well seungcheol knows you
natalia's note: just know that whenever cheol says "baby" it sounds like this "baby" (i died)
“here you go, baby.”
seungcheol walked around the couch you were happily occupying, and set the bowl on the table in front of you.
“you sure you don’t want more ramen?” he sat down next to you with a soft grunt, and immediately put an arm around you. “i can heat up some,” he said, as his other hand travelled to the scar on his leg.
“i told you,” you sighed, and put your head on cheol’s shoulder, looking up at his big, brown eyes, “if i eat anything else, i’ll literally explode. you give me way too much food, choi seungcheol,” you smiled at him, and put your hand over his, covering his knee with your intertwined fingers.
“one, don’t call me that. and two, if anything, i give you too little,” he bent his head a little to place a peck on your forehead, “need you to be strong and healthy.”
you shook your head, and made yourself comfortable on the sofa, now with cheol by your side. it was one of those rare nights when your boyfriend didn’t have to be at work, so you made sure to use your time together to the fullest. first you went grocery shopping, which was always a fun chore when you were together, and decided to make ramen. so not only did you get to fool around in the kitchen but also eat something delicious.
and now came the time for your favourite (more like cheol’s) part - cuddles.
if you’d have to describe how your perfect day would look like, you’d describe it just like that.
reaching for the remote, you noticed the bowl he placed on the table just a minute ago. “what’s that by the way?” you asked.
“your gummies,” he said, not tearing his eyes from the tv. your boyfriend took his job of finding a fitting movie for the night very seriously.
“gummies?”
“yeah, the gummy bears. i picked out the, um,” he said, squinting his eyes at the tv, “the yellow, and red ones. you like them the most so i figured i’d just pick them out for you,” he said as a matter of fact, as if your heart didn’t just skip three beats.
you had this little habit of always picking up a snack after dinner. sometimes it was chocolate, another day it was your favourite biscuits, and sometimes it was gummy bears. you knew seungcheol was aware of your post-dinner routine, usually it was him who took it upon himself to restock your snack drawer whenever it got a tad empty (of course you never asked him to do that, and one day when you said you could do it on your own he just scoffed, and gave you a very unamused look).
“thank you,” you muttered, suddenly too shy to say anything else.
no matter how many times he did little thighs like that (and he did them very often), that just showed how well he knew you, how much he cared about you to notice which gummy bears you like the most - it never failed to make your heart beat a little faster, never failed to make you feel loved, feel seen.
“of course,” he said like it was nothing, and pecked your forehead again. because it truly was nothing to him. it wasn't a chore, or something he felt like he was obligated to do as your boyfriend - his acts of service were as natural as breathing for coups.
“you want one?” you picked up a red bear, ready to share with your boyfriend.
“no, but thank you baby. they’re all yours.”
taglist (if you want to be added, check my masterlist): @jeonghansshitester @weird-bookworm @sea-moon-star @hanniehaee @wonwooz1 @byprettymar @edgaralienpoe @staranghae @itza-meee @eightlightstar @immabecreepin @whatsgyud @hyneyedfiz @honestlydopetree @vicehectic @dkswife @uniq-tastic @marisblogg @aaniag @daegutowns @carlesscat-thinklogic23 @embrace-themagic @ohmyhuenings @nidda13 @hrts4hanniehae @k-drama-adict @isabellah29 @f4iryjjosh @bangantokchy @mrswonwooo @bangtancultsposts @lllucere @athanasiasakura @onlyyjeonghan @haecien @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts @hannahhbahng @valgracia @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @mirxzii @hhusbuds @wonranghaeee @rosiesauriostuff @gyuguys @tomodachiii @veryfabday @lilmochiandsuga @asasilentreader @mrsnervous @bewoyewo @sharonxdevi @wondipity @gyuguys @raginghellfire @treehouse-mouse @waldau @wonootnoot @hellodefthings @dokyeomkyeom @sourkimchi @bbysnw @hoichi02 @aaa-sia @haneulparadx @minvrsev @zozojella @wonootnoot @kimingyuslover @wntrei @honglynights @jihoonsbbygirl @uhdrienne @bloodcanbehot
#seventeen x you#svt reactions#seventeen#seventeen imagines#seventeen reactions#seventeen x reader#seventeen fluff#seventeen carat#seventeen kpop#svt fluff#scoups#seventeen seungcheol#choi seungcheol#seungcheol x reader#seungcheol x you#seungcheol x y/n#seungcheol fluff#seungcheol fanfic#svt#cheol#seventeen scenarios#seventeen reaction#scoups fluff
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It doesn't feel real that I'm moving soon. Like I still go to work and make my silly little posts and go home and knit my silly little garments and drink a lot of coffee and eat poorly and go to therapy but in a little over a month my life is going to change so much for the better. Wild.
#i put in my notice at work but i still have to go obviously#ive been picking up a lot of hours because everyone else is sick#so if anything work has become more normal. doing a lot of work#and i go home and play a ttrpg with my friends once a week. and i knit and i write and i watch silly little shows#play with my dog. eat fast food. become more and more addicted to caffeine#but in a little over a month im moving#hours away from my parents. living alone. going to go no contact with most of my family#i have something to look forward to#i might even be able to keep my job remotely. at least for a little bit while they find someone else#which would be nice because i do really love it#but im getting out. im escaping#and most importantly i have to pack and get ready but that doesnt feel real either#ive moved a lot in my life. this will be my fifth move in as many years#my therapist said thats brave. no alex i just get bored and impulsive. the first time i moved i didnt have an apartment job or car lined up#second time i was fine. third time was pretty okay too. fourth time was a little rougher (moved back in with my family)#this time maybe i have a job. i have a car and apartment. and ive gotten pretty good at moving#so i guess i just go about my life like its not going to improve exponentially in the next month#i use finch whoch is a little mental health app and it makes you track your mood and such theoughout the day#ive noticed its gotten a lot better already. i feel like a huge weight was taken off of my chest and i can breathe again#just knowing that im gonna be okay is pretty damn nice#but it hasnt registered yet that im moving. im going. yay!
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Summary: Evan’s wife is an Elementary school teacher, but when a shooter enters the school and starts shooting at teachers, (Y/n) is the first person to help. Evan gets worried as his wife doesn’t pick up her phone, but as soon as the shooting reaches the news Evan is desperate to find out where she is.
Request by: anonymous - The request
9-1-1 masterlist
Taglist: @oliviah-25 @shauna-carsley
______
“So I want you to both be thinking about it. Put those two brains together, I want you to solve it and be able to explain how you solved it” (Y/n) finished her math instruction. “I’m going to give you two minutes to try and solve this question, you’re ready?” Her voice sounded through the classroom as she clicked on start on the timer which was displayed on the screen.
(Y/n) was an elementary school teacher, she teaches the fifth grade to be specific. She has her own classroom, a teacher assistant intern, and a really good bond with her students. She loves her job, she really does. There’s nothing in the world she’d rather be doing than working with children. Her husband, on the other hand, loved being a firefighter. It was his life, and in his words: he wouldn’t know where he’d be if he never started the fire academy.
When one of the kids asked her if she had a boyfriend, she told them she was married to a firefighter. The students were so enthusiastic and full of questions, so she decided to take the kids to the firehouse one day, to teach them about firefighters, dispatch and everything Bobby had to tell.
“Okay, so some of you came up with an answer and a solution.” She speaks to the group as she holds up her hand, motioning to the kids who were ready to throw their answer to her head, to hold up their hands. “Do we have a volunteer to tell us what answer they got and how they got it?” multiple hands had gone up into the air, but those hands quickly were put down when loud screams sounded through the hallways.
But it was the gunshot that went off after that which caught her attention the most. Her eyes shot towards her teacher assistant Katy, who was sitting at the desk grading some homework as she immediately dropped the pen. Katy’s eyes went wide when she realized what was happening while multiple gasps from the students filled the silence in the room.The gunshot sent a shiver down (Y/n)’s whole body, as she remembered the three words: Run, hide, fight.
That was the protocol. Run if you can, hide if you can not evacuate safely and fight if your life is in danger.
“Everyone. Hide underneath your desks” She said softly as she tried to stay as calm as she possibly could.
The students all get off their seats and follow their teachers instructions as Katy runs off to the windows and closes the blinds. Meanwhile (Y/n) gets the remote for the screen and quickly shuts it off and runs towards the lightswitch to turn it off.
“Katy, help me move this” she says as she tries to push a mid-high bookcase in front of the door to barricade it. Katy quickly moves towards (Y/n) and helps her move the cabinet, so no one would be able to get in or out of the classroom.
When the cabinet was on the right spot, (Y/n) made her way towards the kids to make sure they were okay.
“You’re okay, we’re going to be fine” (Y/n) whispered softly to one of the students who was having a breakdown. She took place on the ground and folded her legs over each other, and she rubbed her hands over the kid’s upper arm, as a sign that she was there. They were not alone.
She let her fingers wipe away the tears of the girl’s cheeks and tried to hush her. She didn’t want to draw any attention. The girl almost started hyperventilating because she was that scared. “Amelia I need you to take slow deep breaths” (Y/n) whispered almost inaudibly. The girl nodded her head as she tried to copy her teacher’s breathing pattern. “Good, through your nose and out through the mouth” (Y/n) complimented her.
Huddled up with some kids to her side, (Y/n) tried her best to calm down the kids who were having a hard time to deal with the situation. Students around her were silently crying, while they were comforting themselves and each other.
There was an ear deafening silence floating through the classroom. They could practically hear the clock on the wall, ticking after each minute that had gone by.
With every footstep she heard on the hallway outside of the classroom, (Y/n)’s heart would skip a beat. There could be children running for their lives, other teachers or the shooter choosing their next victim.
After minutes, maybe even an hour of sitting in silence, a high pitched yelp sounds through the walls of her classroom. But that scream gets cut off by a sudden gunshot. More gasps and sobs sound softly through the classroom. With wide eyes (Y/n) tries to focus on the sound of the hallway.
“No. No, what are you going to do?!” Katy’s voice whispered desperately as (Y/n) crouched down and made her way towards the door of her classroom. The assistant crawled her way towards (Y/n), who was down at the door. Looking through the little gap between the window of the door and the bookcase.
(Y/n) glances through the window and spots a fellow teacher, down on the ground while a puddle of blood is being created underneath her. “Don’t be a hero” Katy says as softly as she possibly could.
She turned her head at Katy, “She’s hurt and needs help, I can’t just leave her to..” she shrugged her shoulders, she couldn’t say die. Not with her kids around, not when they were already traumatized enough by the sounds “You know..” she continued as she shrugged her shoulders.
She couldn’t do nothing. That was not who she was.
“But the shooter is still out there.” Katy says as she desperately starts to look around her. “That’s why I need you to stay here and keep them safe” (Y/n) whispered as she pointed out at her class. Katy shook her head with a frightened look in her eyes “No.. I can’t do that” Katy sighed as she looked at the kids.
“It wasn’t a question Katy, stay here and keep them safe. Close the door behind me” She repeated one more time as she looked at her over the shoulder.
With both her hands she moved the bookcase on one end a little backwards so she was able to squeeze through the gap of the door. Her hand reached for the lever of the door, as she as silently as possible pulled the lever down and squeezed her body through the door. (Y/n) could hear the door close behind her.
Still crouching, she made her way towards her colleague and let her knees drop to the ground when she reached her. “You’re gonna be okay” she said, barely inaudible as she made eye contact with her. The teacher had lost a lot of blood, the puddle was becoming bigger with the second.
The female teacher had been shot in the chest. (Y/n) went with her first instinct, putting pressure on the wound. Without thinking, she pressed her bare hands onto the chest of the woman. The woman winced and hissed at the pain that was being pushed onto her gunshot wound. “I know it hurts, but you have to stay with me okay?” (Y/n) said as her eyes wandered from the wound to the woman’s eyes.
She was on the edge of passing out. (Y/n) could tell. The woman was blinking so fast, and she looked exhausted. “Shit” (Y/n) cursed as the eyes of the woman rolled to the back of her head. Quickly she pressed two fingers of her right hand into the skin of the neck to see if she had a pulse.
Her heart was still beating, which meant she just had to put pressure onto the wound. So the heart would have enough blood to pump around.
But then the feeling of a cold metal getting pressed onto her skin spreads a shiver down her entire body. Her mouth suddenly went dry and her heart was pounding in her chest, as if it was trying to break free from her chest.
(Y/n) was frozen in her position, hovering over the woman. Putting pressure to the wound which was still trying to bleed through the small gaps between her fingers..
“Let go” the sound of a low male voice said.
She swallowed, as she felt the metal being pushed, deeper into her skin. She slightly shook her head, “You don’t have to do this” she slowly said as she kept as still as possible. “I do, everyone in this building has to pay for what they did for me.”
A click sounded. He reloaded his gun. Just one click away from a bullet inside of her head.
“I get it.” her voice said as she felt her breathing become faster because of the adrenaline. “When they don’t see you. And no one is there to help.” She squeezed her eyes closed at the pressure of the gun that was being pushed into the side of her forehead.
“Shut. Up.” His voice hissed at (Y/n).
Tears were falling down her face as she tried to keep enough pressure on the wound of the woman. “Struggling every single day of your life, trying to find a reason to be here”
“I said shut up!” he yelled as he fired a warning shot into the concrete walls of the hallway.
She flinched at the sudden gunshot. But she didn’t stop. She didn’t give up. She needed to try, and enter his mind. Try to talk him out of it, or buy herself more time. “The bucket will fill itself with more and more water everyday. And one day, that bucket will overflow.” She tried to remain strong as her voice became more trembling by every word she spoke.
The man pushes the gun once again into her skin, the muzzle still a little warm because of the bullet that popped out a few seconds ago. A click sounds as he reloads another bullet. “And you’ll realize that you’ve been drowning.. and if there’s no one to reach out their hand...” she squeezed her eyes shut as she remained silent for a second and another tear escaped the corner of her eye.
Multiple gunshots sounded through the hallway of the school as the gun, which the shooter was holding against her head fell down to the ground together with the body of the shooter.
A gasp left her mouth as the bullets whooshed along her ears. She glanced over her shoulder and saw the body of the shooter lying behind her on his back. Lifeless.
Everything that was happening was moving in slow motion. When she looked in front of her she could see multiple swat soldiers entering the hallway with their guns pointed towards the man behind her.
“Suspect is down” one of the soldiers said into their radio’s as they made their way towards (Y/n) and the shooter.
With two paramedics following the soldiers, the paramedics kneeled down next to the female teacher which (Y/n) tried to save her life. The paramedics put down their medic bags beside them and zipped the bag open as they grabbed some gauze.
“You can let go now. We’ve got her.” the male paramedic said as he tried to get her attention by putting his hand onto her shoulder. (Y/n) was still in shock. How did she survive this? Why didn’t he just shoot her when he had the chance? Why listen to her words?
“Sorry” she said as she got back to earth. She slowly retreated her hands back to her own body as the paramedic quickly pressed the gauze down onto the wound. (Y/n) slightly flinched as she felt a hand curling around her bicep, pulling her up to her feet and escorting her down the hall to the open world. She let them. She was too shaken up to try and fight or ask questions.
______
“Hi this is (Y/n)’s phone, please leave a message after the tone!” Her voice sounded through the speaker of Evan’s phone as he ended the call before the tone could ring into his ear.
A sigh leaves Evan’s mouth as he continues to send her a text, asking her to call him back when she can.
Hen walks into the kitchen when a frown morphed onto her face. “Hey you okay?” She asked when she noticed Evan’s slightly worried face that was focussed on his phone.
Evan clicks on the send button as he slips his phone back into his pocket, and he curls his fingers around the glass of water he had made.
“I’m fine..” he sighs as he leans with his forearms onto the kitchen counter. “I have just tried to call (Y/n) multiple times but she doesn’t answer. Normally she would’ve called me back by now”
They called everyday, especially when Evan was on shift. She would call him after school had come to an end and all kids had left the classroom.
“You think I’m crazy, don’t you?” Evan laughed at himself as he shook his head. He sounded like he was going insane. As if he couldn’t live without her. But it was a routine, so when that routine gets interrupted, it feels weird.
Normally Evan was the one to not pick up, when he was on a call. But he always called her back when they were back at the firehouse. Sometimes it could take hours, but it could also be minutes. It depended on the call of course.
“No not at all.. I’m sure she will call you back, maybe she’s talking to a parent or she’s just busy.” Hen touches Evan’s upper arm as she tries to reassure him that his wife is okay.
“Yeah, you’re right..” Evan pushed himself off the kitchen counter, he grabbed his glass and walked towards the sofas. “Maybe I’m being a little bit paranoid, she’s fine..” Evan glances at Hen who gives him a nod and a pat on his shoulder.
“Turn the volume up” Eddie says as Chimney grabs the remote and quickly turns up the volume by pressing down on the button.
“We just confirmed that about two hours ago, there has been a school shooting here in Los Angeles. The remarkable thing is that the school where this happened, was an elementary school”
“Jesus” Eddie sighs.
“The police have confirmed that after about an hour and a half after the shooter had fired the first bullet, they shot down the shooter. The name of the school where this happened is the Great Oak Elementary School. Parents are arriving at the school now to pick up their kids. There’s one wounded teacher and two casualties, both were working at the school.”
“That’s horrible. Imagine you see this on the news and you have to pick up your traumatized child.” Hen says as she continues to listen to the tv.
“Can’t imagine what that must feel like” Eddie’s voice sounds through the room.
Evan was intensely thinking. Why was that name so familiar? What was it about that school that made him think that he had a connection to it? He didn’t have any kids, at least not yet. “Wait what school did they say?” Evan double checked the name with his team, to see if he heard them correctly.
“I think it was Great Oak Elementary School” Chimney says as he focuses again onto the television screen.
Evan’s heart dropped in his chest. As soon as he heard that name fall off the lips of his colleague's mouth, it felt like all of the air he had in his lungs was getting pushed out. Everything's coming together now.
It was the school his wife worked for.
“But why even an elementary school, not that any school would’ve been any better or different. But we’re talking about ages 5 to 10 years old. Those children are going to be scarred for life” Eddie’s dull voice sounded over the loft into Evan’s ears.
No texts, no calls, nothing.
Evan’s hearing is dull, everything is still continuing on the back of his mind but his brain is working over hours now. Making up all different kinds of scenarios of what could’ve happened in that school. “Wow Buck, you alright?” Another dull voice rang through his ears.
Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder, he flinched at the sudden touch and his eyes connected with Hen’s as he turned his head towards her. A frightened look was spread over his face as he tried to control his breathing.
He looked down to his feet, which were suddenly wet and cold. He realizes he had dropped his glass of water down to the ground. His boots are now soaking wet, with the water dripping down his pipes. But that was the last thing he was worried about right now.
His brain filled with all different kinds of scenarios were running through his mind. “(Y/n)” he mumbled through his panicked breaths as he tried to look at Hen, who was still pressing her hand onto his shoulder while her other hand was curled around his upper arm.
“Oh no..” Hen said as he puzzled the pieces together. Finally realizing what was happening and what Evan meant.
Bobby’s voice sounded through the space as he stepped onto the loft “What’s happening?”
“There has been a school shooting at Great Oaks Elementary. The school where Buck’s wife works” Hen quickly explained to Bobby as she held her grip onto Evan’s upper arm.
Evan’s eyes that were full of worry wandered towards his captain's eyes who was coming closer towards him every second. “She isn’t answering any of my calls or texts. And I’m not waiting for the hospital to call me and tell me that she’s..” Evan sighs at the worst case scenario that was in his mind.
“Please Bobby. I need to go. I need to see for myself if she’s okay.” Evan’s broken voice sounded.
“Look Buck, I get it. But you don’t have to do this on your own. We’re coming with you, whether you like it or not. (Y/n) is our family too.” Bobby says as he softly squeezed Evan’s shoulder. A small smile spread across Evan’s face as those words left Bobby’s mouth.
“Let’s go and find (Y/n)” Bobby says as he patted his hand onto Evan’s shoulder as a sign to go.
-
“What do you mean she isn’t here?” Evan says after Athena finished her conclusion. “I just told you, every teacher that was here on school grounds during the shooting has been checked by paramedics, and are now sitting in a room. They’re getting the information they need if they want help. But I’ve seen every teacher in that room, and she wasn’t there Buck, only her teaching assistant Katy.” Athena continues her explanation.
“Well, have you asked Katy if she knows anything about the whereabouts of my wife?” Evan asks, maybe a little annoyed. “No, not yet. I’m waiting for the professionals to finish their job. And after that, I’ll see if Katy is willing to talk” She calmly answers Evan’s question.
“How long is that gonna take?” Evan sighs as he puts his hands on his hips. He’s losing his patience. This is taking too long. “I’m sure they’re almost done, this should only take a few more minutes” Athena reassured him.
“I don’t have time for this.. what if Katy doesn’t know where she is? This might lead to a dead end.” Evan tries to stop himself from panicking, as he rushes a hand through his short curly hair. He had to do something. He couldn’t just stand there and wait on a teaching assistant who maybe doesn't have an answer to their questions.
Evan quickly turned around and slid his phone out of his pocket. He had to try it, at least one more time. He clicks on the green icon and clicks on her name, impatiently he presses the phone against his ear. Maybe she did have it with her.. right?
“Buck..” Evan could hear Bobby sigh as he was walking away from his team.
Evan listens to the sound of the phone beeping, trying to connect with the other phone. He was pacing through one of the hallways, silently listening to the beeps of the phone. Evan’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he could hear a ringtone going off from a distance. Was that someone else’s phone or was that the phone he was trying to reach?
The ringtone stopped playing when Evan was being sent to voicemail. He quickly presses the red button, and decides to try and call the phone again.
Once more the same ringtone sounds through the hallway.
Evan follows the sound, making his way through the hallways until after multiple times of calling her phone, he reaches the door of a classroom. The tone sounded loudly through the space of the room.
Evan stepped into the classroom and walked towards the desk where the phone was buzzing. “There you are..” Evan whispered to himself as he grabbed the phone and frowned at the idea of his wife leaving her phone behind. She never leaves her phone behind.
He shoved his own phone into his pocket as he made his way back towards his team who were now talking with a young woman, probably Katy.
“Can we please ask you a few questions?” Evan could hear Athena ask the TA, who nodded at her question. “When was the last time you saw (Y/n)?” Athena continued to ask her. “During the shooting, we were all hiding inside the classroom just like protocol said. And she told me to watch the kids.. she went to help the lady who was shot outside of our classroom. I heard multiple gunshots, when I was alone with the kids. But I haven’t seen her since she told me to watch them.” Katy explains.
Evan could feel his knees trembling, like they were suddenly turning into Jell-o.
“That’s everything I know” Katy says as she shrugs her shoulders. “It’s okay, thank you Katy. If something pops into your mind, give me a call” Athena says as she gives Katy her card with her contact details and Katy walks away.
“Alright, there’s two things we can do. One, we go to the hospital and check if she may be in the ER. Or two, we go check the..-” Athena gets cut off by Evan’s voice.
“Morgue” Evan finished Athena’s sentence and shook his head. “We’re going to the ER of the nearest hospital, she’s not dead. She can’t be.” Evan continued. “Buck.” Bobby’s voice spoke up when Evan wiped his hand against his forehead, as if it helped him to get rid of the thought of his wife being dead. “I refuse to believe that she’s dead, I want to go to the hospital” Evan states as he could hear his own voice trembling.
Evan felt Bobby’s hand landing onto his shoulder. “It’s your decision to make Buck, if you want to go to the hospital, we go to the hospital” Bobby said as he looked into Evan’s eyes again. Evan nodded. He made his decision.
The drive towards the nearest hospital was silent, but when the truck pulled to a stop Evan’s hand reached for the door and he jumped out as fast as he could.
He had waited long enough. He needed his answers now.
Before the rest of his team got out of the truck, Evan had already gone through the glass doors. Evan came to a stop at the nurse station, using his hands as a brake by pressing it against the desk.
“Hi, I’m looking for (Y/n) Buckley” he panted as he focussed on the nurse who was scrolling through the documents of people who had gotten in.
“Evan?” her familiar voice sounds through his ears. His eyes went wide as he heard that voice he had hoped to hear through the phone the first time he called her. He pushed himself off the desk he was leaning on and followed her voice.
“(Y/n)?” he softly said as he looked around him. When his eyes connected with hers, his heart skipped a beat. She was alive. Just like he said.
“Evan” she sighed as she finally saw her husband's face. Evan basically sprinted towards (Y/n) as he heard her broken voice say his name. Her knees were trembling, and were on the edge of giving in. “Hey! Hey! I’m here!” Evan panted as he curled his arms around his wife and she collapsed into his arms.
She was sobbing as soon as she felt his arms curled around her body and she tightened her grip around his body, like he was the only thing to keep her from drowning. He was the hand she had to hold onto. “I’m here” Evan let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding this entire time.
He let his hand cup the back of her head and he pressed his lips against her hair.
He slowly pulled back, but his arms remained around her body. He wasn’t letting her go. The hand he had pressed against the back of her head, wandered to her cheek as he wiped away her tears.
“W-what are you doing here? Are you hurt?” he stumbled as he quickly checked her on any wounds. She shook her head as she placed both of her hands down onto his chest. “No, I’m okay” she gasped through her tears.
When Evan’s eyes fell onto her hands, which were now placed on his chest, he noticed her hands which were still covered in dried blood.
He placed his hands over hers as he softly grabbed her hand and started inspecting it. “It isn’t mine” she sighed as she tried to reconnect her eyes with Evan’s, who was focussed on making sure his wife wasn’t hurt.
“Then whose blood is that?” Evan’s voice asked, concerned when his eyes remained on her hands. “T-the woman who had been shot..” she said as she tried to catch her breath. Evan’s eyes furrowed “I helped her..” in the middle of her sentence, she stopped talking. “I kept her alive, even with a gun pointed at my head” she continued.
She could hear the gunshots going off in the back of her mind, the explanation she had just given her husband brought her right back to that place. So much has happened in those few minutes, she barely had time to process everything that happened in such a short time.
Tears were streaming down her face as she was reminded of the incident. “He wanted to shoot me in the head”
“Oh baby..” a loud sigh left his lips as he pressed a kiss onto her forehead. “You did so good” he mumbled against her forehead as he pressed another kiss onto it and pulled his wife back into an embrace.
“I was so scared Evan, I really thought this is it.. that everything I did, was for the last time” (Y/n) sobbed as she locked her arms around his body once again and her head pressed against his broad chest. “But you fought like hell, like I knew you would. You fought for that woman, for the students, yourself and me. You fought your way back to me.” Evan said as he pulled away a little, so her head wouldn’t be touching his chest anymore and he could place both his hands onto her cheeks.
“You’re so much stronger than you think you are.”
______
A gasp fell off (Y/n)’s lips as a gunshot roared through the back of her mind. Her eyes were suddenly wide open and her entire body was drenched in sweat. She let her hands fall against her face as she sighed. It was just another dream, a nightmare to be more specific.
It had been weeks since the shooting on the Great Oak Elementary School, but what happened that day, was still haunting her until today.
Falling asleep was a problem at first, the first nights after the incident, she was all wrapped around Evan. Trying to get her to sleep like she was a baby that couldn’t find the right spot to sleep on.
Evan worked twenty four hour shifts, he couldn’t just go home in the middle of shift, in the middle of the night to help his wife to fall asleep at night. So sometimes, (Y/n) wouldn’t sleep at all at night, she would just wait until he came home and the second Evan was home she would doze off.
But now, it’s the constant nightmares she had. Every dream she had wasn’t the same, it’s not like she had the same nightmare over and over again on loop. No, she was having different kinds of scenario’s everytime she closed her eyes.
She let her hands fall down onto the mattress as she glanced at Evan who was peacefully asleep on his side of the bed. (Y/n) threw off the blanket and swung her feet over the side of the bed and grasped the first hoodie she saw lying down on the floor. The hoodie was a little oversized and fell over her bum.
(Y/n) stepped down the stairs of the loft and flicked on the kettle to make some tea. Maybe that would help her calm down. With her back towards the living room, she pressed her elbows down onto the flat surface of the kitchen counter.
She was tired, but couldn’t sleep. Not if she was having these nightmares, everytime she closed her eyes. (Y/n) let her head rest between her hands as she closes her eyes for a second, just to try and let the stress exit her body while the water was boiling.
Evan groaned as he turned around in bed and let his arm find the body of his wife. When his arm connected with the jumpy mattress, he pushed his head off the pillow as a confused frown was spread across his face. He wasn't expecting his arm to find the mattress, he was waiting for his arm to connect with (Y/n)’s body.
He lets his arm swipe along the mattress again to make sure she wasn’t somewhere else on the mattress. Evan turns his body and reaches out to turn on the night lamp on his nightstand. He squeezed his eyes as he tried to adjust his eyes to the bright light on his nightstand and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.
Evan swung his legs over the side of the bed as he stood up to make his way downstairs, determined to find his wife. When he silently stepped down the stairs, he smiled at the way she was standing. A Los Angeles Fire Department hoodie to keep her comfortable, her eyes closed as she was leaning on her hands. While the kettle was releasing steam as it was finished boiling.
A groan left her lips as she felt a hand curled around her hip and his chin was leaning on her shoulder. Her hand reached behind her as she tried to find Evan’s arm. “Can’t sleep?” his sleepy voice asked, with his eyes still closed as he was still trying to wake up.
“Yeah” she whispered as she nodded at his question, and she placed her other hand down on his cheek as he was still leaning with his chin onto her shoulder.
“Still having those nightmares huh?” He asked her as he pressed a kiss on the palm of her hand that was resting on his face.
“Yeah, what’s new..” she sighed, she had the feeling those nightmares weren’t going away anytime soon anyways. She grabbed a cup from the upper cabinet, placed it onto the counter and started to pour water from the kettle into it.
When the cup was full enough, she placed the kettle back. “Evan?” Her soft voice sounded raspy.
“Hmm?” Evan hummed as he slightly opened his eyes to check on his wife. His arm was still wrapped around her, curved around her hip. She swallowed loudly.
“I don’t know how much longer I can do this..” she whispered as she placed both of her hands flat against the counter as she stared right in front of her.
Evan’s hand started to come loose from her hip, as he let his lower back fall against the kitchen island, which was placed on the other side of the kitchen counter (Y/n) was making her tea on.
He folded his arms over each other as he leaned against the kitchen cabinets. “You mean the nightmares, right?” Evan needed a confirmation that he knew she was talking about.
She felt Evan leaving her side. But she couldn’t look at him without breaking down. So she remained standing with her back towards Evan. “No.. I meant, being a teacher.” She said as she started to make circles with her finger onto the kitchen counter.
“What? What do you mean? You love being a teacher” Evan said as he tried to make eye contact again. But she wouldn’t turn around.
She shook her head as she sighed, trying to keep her tears from falling down. “That was before this all happened. You know how exhausting it is to be wary of every single thing around you?” she sniffled as she turned her face towards the ceiling, trying everything in her power to not show her tears, or show her fear.
With her sleeves falling over her hands, she wiped the small tears away that had started rolling down her cheeks. “Every time before I even enter the school my throat goes dry, I start sweating and I can’t stop myself from shaking” she tried to say through her tears and sobs.
She turned her body, and let herself slide against the kitchen doors, dropping to the ground as she cried even harder. “I’m sick and tired of flinching at every sudden sound I hear. I can’t sleep, because any time when I close my eyes, even if it’s just for one silly second, I’m there again. With a gun against my head.” she confessed.
(Y/n) let the back of her head lean against the kitchen cabinet as she felt Evan coming closer, while she looked at the ceiling again. Trying to get rid of the tears that showed her biggest fears and weaknesses. “I can’t do this anymore Evan” she sobbed as she pressed her palms against her face. All she wanted to do was hide.
It feels like she’s drowning, drowning into her own fear and tears. The fear is over taking her like waves of the ocean, if no one would reach out that hand to help her.. she might drown.
“No.. you’re scared. And I get your reaction, but we don’t always make the best decisions when we’re operating out of fear” Evan spoke up as he curled his arm around her knee.
A sigh leaves Evan’s mouth as he tries to think of the right thing to say. “I know how hard it is to get over something so traumatizing, that you don’t know what you’re doing it for no more” he said as he tightened his arm around her knee. “But what happened could have happened anywhere. At the grocery store, in our own home, hell even at the fire station” Evan continued as he tried to get her attention, but she was too emotional to make eye contact.
She could hear every word he said, every breath he took, every moment of silence he needed, to think of what he was going to say next.
“So I need you to stop saying that you can’t do this. Because I know you can. You’re one of the strongest women I know. And I’m so proud to call you my wife. But right now, I need you to grab my hand and trust me when I say that we’ll figure this out.” tears were starting to well in Evan’s eyes as he quickly wiped his finger underneath his eyes to get rid of the tears he felt, as they were about to roll over his cheeks.
Evan loosened his grip around her knee as he reached out his hand, with his palm faced towards the ceiling. “We do this together, just like we did all the times I got hurt and didn’t know what to do” Evan said as he lowered his head, trying to get her eyes connected with him again.
Silence took over the space they were in.
Evan’s hand was still dangling between her knees as he waited for her attention and answer. “Together?” he asked one more time.
A soft smile made its way onto her face, as she nodded. “Together.” she said determined and placed her hand onto his as Evan sent her a small smile her way.
She had helped him countless times, now it was his turn to help her.
#911#911 fox#911 abc#911 imagine#buck imagine#buck x reader#evan buckley imagine#evan buckley x reader#evanbuckley#imagine
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Yandere Batfam - Soulmate Soul Animal AU.
Chapter 4:
Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Chapter 5.
This chapter is brought to you by myyyyyyy🎉birthday🎉 woohoo 🥳 I hath aged
It's a little bit shorter, but I mean come on it's a unique chapter soooo it's cool guys I swear
Lots more Batfam content this time, albeit Tim centric. I'll balance it out in the future I swear! Also it's still platonic, but you could probably get a romantic reading from this a lil bit if you try
Taglist: @moonchild-artemisdaughter @jjsmeowthie @madine11-blog @xxrougefangxx @hadesnewpersephone @neerathebrightstar @mel-star636 @jaythes1mp @rosecentury @lov3vivian @gaozorous-rex-blog @victoria1676 @vrsin @silverklaus @ryukyuin @kurai-hono-blog @thisisafish123 @isawyourbrowserhistory @ain-t-no-way-bsfr @realifezompire @lunaluz432 @nickey-diano @sukiiluvs @sara0055 @alleakimlala @kdidgg @paperhermits @lavender-moony @alishii @emmbny @sirenetheblogger @fantasy-angelo @andrasia @vinnvinnvintage @nyra-42 @armystaysatnct @beyond-your-stars @starsdotalk @adeptusxia0
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A few days have passed since your encounter with Red Robin. He hasn't shown up since, but another thing has.
Your work had sent you an email. An invitation to Wayne Enterprises, to represent them. According to them, your location was the closest to Wayne Enterprises, and so you were selected. You lived 50 minutes away from Wayne Enterprises. Their home office was 30 minutes away. You weren't sure who was doing the math here, but they needed some more practice.
That being said, you could notice a pattern when there was one. This was Tim Drake's attempt to get you out of your home. And unfortunately, it was going to work. You needed your job. It was perfect, remote, didn't bother you as long as you got the work done. Jobs like that were rare, especially in Gotham.
Not for the first time, you kinda felt like crying.
If Red Robin, your soulmate, was indeed Tim Drake, then what was this? Did he have you figured out? Or was he continuing the investigation?
You didn't know...
Refusing to show up would get you fired. There was no way around that. But, what if you couldn't go?
What if you were too injured to go? There's no way you could fake something, the bats are quite literally master detectives. That and your soul animal form would likely reveal the uninjured truth.
Maybe if you injured yourself?
No, no no no. That was a bad route to go down. If this meeting is to check whether you are soulmates with him, a matching injury on your soul animal form would be like a criminal and a suspect having the same tattoo.
There wasn't really any option here. Which, really, is just typical for the vigilantes of Gotham.
"Ughhh." You groaned to yourself, cradling your hands with your head. You glared over at Red, who had been showing up much more frequently these past few days (which was saying something, since all your soul animals were already by you 23/7). Red gave a small chirp in reply, some sort of smugness in its tone.
Maybe it was time to invest in wind chimes or something. You heard they can scare off robins.
You felt like you were going to need it.
~ ~ ~ ~
Tim's developed something of a guilty habit.
It wasn't a bad thing, per se. Nothing B would particularly frown at. Dick might even agree.
He imagined you wouldn't quite feel the same, though.
You looked especially fragile, as you slept. During the day your face was haunted by false bravado, a paranoid edge to every smile. Sleep smoothed out the lines of your face, giving a softer touch to your slumbering form.
You frown when he reaches out to poke your cheek. It's cute. His hand twitches for his camera. You're always cute, whether it's a small little frown on your face or beaming joy.
He's developed a new favorite activity. Alongside solving cases, he's now watching you. He wants to observe it all. From little habits to obvious passions, he wants to know everything. Hobbies, skills, loves, DNA. He'd only just found you, the answer to the mystery that he's been in since birth. He's had a lot of time to build up this obsession.
He wants and wants and needs. He can wait to take.
You are a light sleeper, but he's a quiet stalker. You don't always drink milk before bed, but when you do, you'll get a little more tired than usual. Your groggy face is cute, too.
He reached out, stroking your hair with the slightest of a smile beginning on his face. It was soft. It reminded him of you, your soul animal form. It had flinched away from him earlier, as it always does whenever they were in uniform. Finding that you do the same as a human wasn't so surprising.
They had adapted to your soul form’s skittishness. They could do the same again. His mind briefly flashed through some ideas, an ankle bracelet, a watch, a collar? If it was on the ankle, you'd match.
He broke out of his musings at the shift of movement. A flutter of wings. B’s soul animal flew down perching on a piece of furniture nearby as a vantage point. He smirked. Looked like he wasn't the only one feeling a little possessive tonight.
He must've been thinking of you. Not surprising, given that your soul form was scheduled time with him today. They had to work out a schedule, else there would have been a lot more stabbings. Not that it didn't prevent sudden abductions occasionally, thanks Jason.
That was fine though. B could have you tonight, Damian could have you tomorrow, Dick the next. Because Tim had the real you, right here.
And he wasn't planning on letting go.
There's a room he's preparing inside Drake manor. He’d put your name on it, but that would be too obvious if anyone came around. Instead, it would be his little secret with you. He's only just met you, but he has plenty of ideas for it already.
He didn't feel guilty for this. Not at all.
You were his as much as he was yours after all. If there was a problem with these feelings, then why would fate itself tie you to him?
If anything, the only guilt he’d feel is not telling anyone else. He couldn't help it, he just wanted you to himself for a while. He caught you, so he was allowed to have you.
But was that really guilt? Or just annoyance at the idea of getting caught?
An alert on his communicator made him frown, taking him out of the trance he had felt into. There was more he had to do.
A shame, but it was fine. He got to spend some quality time with you, taken a few things for the future. He’d make more time. And you'll have all the time in the world for him. But first…
Tim withdrew a specialty camera from his utility belt, raising it to his face. He adjusted a few settings, then…
Snap!
~ ~ ~ ~
You fought the urge to yawn. You have been so sleepy lately. You had to wake up especially early for today. Lovely.
At least today was the moment of truth. You'd show Red Robin for once and for all that you were perfectly normal, and not at all his soulmate. He’d lose interest, and your life would return to its domesticity.
The one good thing going for today was that you're somehow accompanied by none of your soul animals. A truly rare occasion that is ruined by the fact that you're instead visiting a soulmate in the flesh. If any of your soul animals do show up, you have your old reliable bag to shove them into. So, you should be alright.
Wayne Enterprises was a terrifying image, but you steadied yourself with the fact that your whole life’s freedom was at stake here, which was much more terrifying. After that you could get through the door. Security just letting you through after giving your name almost had you running out the door though, you'd admit.
The elevator ride was long and solemn, giving you time to think about everything. Maybe you should think about moving, staying in Gotham was perhaps a ridiculous sentiment to begin with. It was a shame though, you were a Gothamite through and through, you didn't want to leave the country your parents lived and raised you in.
Still, perhaps it was time to leave. Things were getting too risky. Thinking about it, Wayne Enterprises? Honesty what even was your life.
The ding of the elevator door interrupts your musings, an assistant directing you to Tim Drake’s office.
As you walk over, you can't help but listen in to some shouting coming from the room.
A younger voice is yelling. “Give me them! You do not deser-” The voice gets cut off, as an older voice yells back. “It is my turn, you do not get to just steal them!”
The younger voice starts up again, but so does the older voice, alongside what you can only presume to be fighting noises.
You just kinda stare at the door. You are a working professional, representing your company to the prestigious Wayne Enterprises. You came here with lofty expectations and responsibilities to fulfill. And the CEO… is fighting someone in his office.
You have no idea what to do.
A minute passes.
You started to think about signaling an assistant to come help, but before you could do so the fighting seemed to end with a shouted “Fine! But B will hear about-” you can't hear the rest, as the shouting returns to a normal volume.
A door is opened and slammed, footsteps retreating away from the office. You take a moment to appreciate the fact that Tim Drake’s office has two doors that lead in different places, because it means you didn't have to meet whoever he was fighting.
A second or two later, the door in front of you swings open. Tim Drake is facing you, his hair a little askew, and his cheeks a little red. He smiles, an easy thing. It's as if the sight of you brought it to his face.
“Welcome!” He waves you in, somehow not acknowledging what you just heard in any form. The objects in his office are perfectly aligned. Nothing looks disturbed at all. How?
He waves you over to a chair, settling into one himself.
“Well.” He begins. “It's nice to see you again, Y/n."
You hope this goes by quickly.
#yandere#yandere dc#yandere batman#yandere batfam#yandere x reader#yandere x you#yandere imagines#darkstaria#my writings#my writing#yandere batfamily#soul animal au#yandere bruce wayne#yandere dick grayson#yandere nightwing#yandere jason todd#yandere red hood#yandere tim drake#yandere red robin#yandere damian wayne#yandere robin#yandere x gn reader#x reader#reader insert
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